#which isn’t a bad thing is what i’m trying to say

[vellichorsdesire]

being horrified at your f/o’s acceptance of the bere minimum or even below that in a relationship and wanting to treat them how they deserve to be treated, full of respect and love and so much more— if they ever end up admitting that they believe they don’t deserve the work you put into being with them, or any other insecurity they might bring up, they’re always comforted by your reassurances even if you might not feel like enough for them, either. it’ll take time for them to get used to your love or really feel at peace with the fact that they deserve this, deserve you, but right now they’re sure of one thing: they love you immensely.

[just1cefor4ll]

A rare kind of love

Kang Dae-ho x fem!reader

warning. I don’t really know the reason of Dae-ho’s debt so I made something up other then that no warnings

genre. hurt comfort

Shadows stretched across the floor, where the sleeping figures of players shifted in their deep slumber, the tension in the room never ceasing, not even in their sleep. But being next to Dae-ho, keeping watch for the night as everyone else slept was something that brought you a bit of comfort even in these tough circumstances. Dae-ho sat a few feet away, his elbows on his knees, eyes quietly sweeping over the restless forms. You watched him for a moment, his calm and steady presence oddly warm in a place like this. It was strange how much trust you’d built with someone you barely knew—someone you’d met under conditions that could kill you both.

“You know,” you said finally, breaking the silence, “I used to stay up late like this back at home. Not for anything important—mostly just lying in bed, stressing over things I couldn’t fix.” You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Guess that habit didn’t really help me in the long run.”

“I could say the same thing about myself. The marines made me develop insomnia so I never really slept after i got back— but I guess I’ve gotten a bit better with the help of my sisters” He replied, giving you a soft smile which you returned with a hint of curiosity in your eyes. “You have sisters? How many?” “Four. All of them are older and I’m thankful to them for being who I am now.. though I can’t say everyone in my family is proud of how I turned out.” It was like his mask had faltered for a split second, his shoulders slumping and eyes looking like a disappointed child.

You didn’t push further, staying in comfortable silence, only the soft snores os players and shuffling of those who were having nightmares in their beds.

“Sorry uh—“ “[Name] [Last Name]” You cut him off with a smile but make a shh gesture with your pointer finger. “Don’t let the others know my name, only you and Jun-hee are the ones I trust to the fullest with this information.” You wink playfully before letting him go on— his face starstruck as you looked at him with a face no one has ever looked at him with. “Right, [Name]. How’d you end up in here? I mean you seem pretty smart to me so proper education is something you have no doubt.. so?”

You hesitated, wondering if you should even say it. But what was the point of holding back now? It wasn’t like secrets mattered in a place like this. “Debt.. a lot of it. Just like everyone here I made bad choices, bad timing… one thing snowballed into another. And then—” You paused, gesturing vaguely to the room around you. “Well, here I am.” You smile sheepishly, but your once beaming energy did die down a bit. “I was a psychologist.. It payed very well but with my poor choices and actions I lost my job and I fell into the arms of gambling where I lost it all.”

He didn’t interrupt, letting you keep talking.

You let out a short, humorless laugh. “I figured I’d win back just enough to cover everything. I thought, ‘What’s the harm in trying?’” You shook your head. “Turns out, the harm is a mountain of debt and a bunch of very angry people coming after you. Then my mom got sick, and the hospital bills started piling up. Insurance only covered so much, you know? So, I started taking out loans to keep up.” You leaned back against the rail, staring at the ceiling as the memories came rushing back

He didn’t say anything right away, just nodded slowly, his expression was sympathetic and no hint of judgment was evident either which you appreciated.

“I was out of options,” you continued, your voice softer now. “So when this… game showed up, I thought, ‘Why not? I’ve got nothing left to lose.’”

For a moment, the two of you sat in silence. Then, Dae-ho spoke, his voice calm but edged with something you couldn’t quite place. “It’s easy to fall into, isn’t it? Debt. Mistakes. Feels like one bad move and your whole life spirals out of control.” “Yeah,” you said, glancing over at him. “Something like that. What about you? How’d you end up in the marines is my first question.. I mean why’d your sisters let their precious brother get into the hands of such a traumatic thing? Respect to you though! I wouldn’t be able to handle it any better than you so I’m very proud of you for serving the country, soldier.” You teased, looking at him with a big smile.

He hesitated, his eyes dropping to the railing, though a slight chuckle did manage to escape his lips from your silly nickname. For a moment, you thought he might brush off the question, but then he let out a soft sigh. “My dad,” he started, his voice quiet. “He wanted a ‘real man’ for a son. Someone strong, someone tough. But I wasn’t what he wanted.” You frowned. “What do you mean?” “Like I’ve mentioned before, I grew up with four older sisters,” he said, a faint, almost wistful smile tugging at his lips. “They were the ones who raised me, really. Taught me how to cook, how to listen, how to be patient. I guess I turned out too… soft for my dad’s taste. He’d look at me and see failure. Said I’d never make it in the real world unless I ‘toughened up.’”

You could hear the bitterness in his voice, even though he tried to hide it.

“So he sent me to the Marines,” Dae-ho continued, his gaze distant. “Said they’d make a man out of me. And I guess they did. But they also…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “They took the parts of me that my sisters had built. Replaced them with someone who could fight. Someone who could kill. And when I got out, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. The marines take your spark.. or at least dim it with all they got.”

“What happened after that?” you asked gently.

He hesitated again, his fingers curling loosely around the railing. “When I got back my sisters were more than happy to see me but they knew I was different. It was a bit awkward at first but they got through to me and got me to go to therapy for a while but bills started piling up. I tried working—construction, private security—but the flashbacks made it impossible to hold a job."

He looked down at his hands, as if trying to remember a time they weren’t shaking. "I kept borrowing money to keep my head above water, but no matter how much I tried, it was never enough. My dad called me weak for struggling. Sisters tried to help, but I couldn’t let them. Too much pride, too much of him in me, I guess."

“I came here,” he said finally, “because it felt like the only thing left. At least here, I could do something. I could try and make my father proud.” For a long moment, neither of you spoke. Then you reached out, placing a hand on his arm. “You didn’t deserve any of that,” you said quietly. He looked at you, surprised, and for a moment, the guarded expression fell away. “Maybe not,” he said softly. “But it’s done now. All I can do is try to keep moving forward, survive this place and get my life together.”

You nodded, your grip on his arm tightening slightly. “We’ll figure it out. Together.” You said and squeezed his hand, laying your head on his shoulder. “We’ll get out and open up a small shop.. we can sell whatever we can think of and buy a small house on Hyepjae beach. I’ve always wanted to visit Jeju, haven’t you?” You rambled, completely forgetting the fact how you were just mere strangers a few days ago. He nodded, putting a over your shoulders, holding you close. “I’d love that.. more then anything.”

You looked up at him, and his heart nearly stopped in the process. “For the record, I don’t think you’re weak at all. You’re one of the strongest people here, and considering what you’ve been through in your past, the fact that you’re still such a kind-hearted soul is rare in a place like this. You’re one of a kind, Kang Dae-ho.” You spoke softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead before standing up to switch places with Jung-bae and Gi-hun, who were just waking up so you could get some rest.

He could only stare, his cheeks flushed as a quiet chuckle escaped him. Heading toward his own bed, which was a bit farther from yours, he suddenly paused. Kneeling down beside you, he gently brushed your hair behind your ear. “You’re one of a kind too, [Name] [Last Name],” he murmured, his voice soft but full of meaning, your name rolling naturally off his tongue. Leaning in, he pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “Sleep well.”

As your eyes fluttered closed, a faint smile curved your lips. “Good night, Dae-ho.”

He lingered for just a moment longer, his gaze lingering on your peaceful expression, before whispering to himself, “How could someone like you exist?” Then, with one last glance, he quietly made his way to bed, his heart still racing.

© just1cefor4ll— I don’t consent to my writing being reposted to other platforms or fed into AI. Translating it is also strictly prohibited. 🚫

[vigilskeep]

You don't like bg3?

i guess it’s the wrong words to say i don’t like it? i mean i enjoy the combat system a lot and i like the companions theyre my pals. but i rlly struggle to get any roleplay value out of tav and the overall storyline doesn’t do much for me so i never felt compelled to finish it. it isn’t interested in worldbuilding which is what i usually come to fantasy for and it feels like all the choices have obvious right answers. i prefer games that are more linear and i don’t think it handles being non-linear well, i can’t see what value it adds and it’s easy to mess up your game just by doing things in an order they didn’t expect. i found the constant updates super grating, it never felt like the right time to play it and they’re literally still going lmao

i’m not trying to say it’s bad or that i didn’t have fun spending time with it, i think i am just not the player it was made for and i’m looking for something else

[magnusunpopularopinions]

I'm not sure how unpopular of an opinion this actually will be but let's go:

I think people over inflate how bad of a person Elias actually is, and in comparison, treat characters like Basira, Nikola, Gertrude, etc much more softly. Don't get me wrong, Elias isn't the best person and his morals are questionable, but they're questionable because he hasn't been human in a good 150 years. His behaviour is in line with every other avatar we see, if a bit more held back violence wise. He only purposely hurts anyone if he feels it interferes with his plan (Which many Main avatars we see attempting a ritual don't do, like Nikola or even Peter in his day to day), or alternatively, puts Jon in an awkward position information wise. The way he handles Jon's ascent into becoming the Archivist isn't even that manipulative. It's less straightforward, yes, but he has his obvious reasons for it (Wanting Jon to Know and See and Understand without having it be explained to him, which would end with him relatively weak and vulnerable). The reasons themselves aren't Great for Jon, but otherwise, he handles himself in a very passive and socially acceptable way. He doesn't go through with doing anything about Not!Sasha, not because he didn't want to, but because there was literally no way he could have fired her or done anything to her without it being a tiny bit suspicious and causing a bit of an Archival uproar. Not doing anything about Prentis was his own fault, I'll be real, but I think he may have genuinely underestimated the amount of worms there are and I doubt he actually considered that the table may house the Not-Them, as he seemingly didn't expect Sasha to be taken. On top of that, him being all 'mysterious' during the Unknowing was just him having issues trying to figure out what he can or can't give Jon to help him figure things out because he genuinely can't Know these things due to the conflicting nature of the Stranger. Otherwise, all of his points of interest are very Avatar based. He eats, he works towards his ritual, and he works with others to make it happen. All things that other avatars do, that don't get overinflated into being fully 'evil'

TL;DR: I'm an Elias enthusiast and think he's just following his nature as an avatar, even if that mainly affects Jon and the archival team (Saying this as I'm relistening and nearly done with s4 lmao)

Thanks for sharing! Let’s chat!

I see what you’re saying, but may I also remind anon of… well:

“Apologies for the deception Jon, just had to make sure you were reading….”

and

[BPM]

and a couple other incidents I could probably come up with after I’ve published this.

Now, I’m not trying to ignore the ESSAY anon submitted full of evidence to back their point. I’m rocking with it- I’ll agree with you that Elias was simply doing his avatar job and withholding info, but I must say, I disagree with you on one point: Elias is a violent man.

Yes, his violence has a “purpose” but we must remember that even though Elias isn’t human, we are. The other characters (for a while and to an extent) are. The violence we do see from Elias is cruel and unfeeling. You can blame it on his avatar-ness all you want anon- and in fact you did an excellent job proving that he’s just an avatar doing avatar things- but the violence…. Elias is, imo, a very cruel being.

So, to summarize: I agree with anon on certain parts- Elias’s actions throughout the series reflect for sure that he is definitely not human. He’s an avatar working towards a goal. But I’ll disagree with anon when they say Elias isn’t that violent of a person/that the fanbase hypes up how evil he is.

In fact, I think the violence backs up anon’s point even further- the fact that he IS so cruel proves that he hasn’t been human for a while.

Hope that made sense- again, thanks for sharing and keep your words kind!

-E

-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•-•

Edit: Hey gang! Wanted to add a few words here just to further state my thoughts on the matter and I’ll leave it with anon after that :)

Elias is a very complex character! Boiling him down to his avatar-ness or violent tendencies was not my intention, just my response to the gist of what anon was saying! I agree with a lot of the conversations being had in reblogs and replies!

I can’t say for sure what anon meant when they said that characters like Basira, Nikola, and Gertrude get “treated softly” VS Elias, but I do find it interesting they chose that set of people! All three women (feminine?), but not all avatars. I’m not sure if anon meant to do this- compare only women (feminine characters) or compare a mix of avatars and humans- but it is how it’s being received: with the focus on anon’s mentioning them.

In my own personal experience, I see quite a bit more about Elias than I do Basira, Nikola, or Gertrude, and when I do see them, it’s typically because they are with other characters. Basira especially.

I will agree again with myself though- Elias is a cruel and violent guy. I think he quite often is more violent than he should be (but that is the scary part- the fact that he IS so violent and ok with it.)

And I will agree with myself again- Elias was working towards total global domination and frankly, even if you are fond of him, I think there’s still plenty of reason that the fanbase may not treat him “softly.” He’s not a particularly squishy character.

(I do like Elias, he’s an interesting character and lots of fun to think about (I’d like to imagine sometimes that he lives a lot like Jim from the American Office TV show does and just deadpans into non-existent cameras when the staff does something or his printer runs out of ink or his coffee spills, etc.))

I just think that there are layers to anon’s thoughts and that there can be both an agreement and a disagreement on different points.

And please, even if you disagree with an opinion, try and keep your words kind! You guys have been a lot of fun to talk with so far and I’ve loved the discussions I’ve had with you all!

Thanks!

-E (again)

[vivalas-vega]

until next time / part three / jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

part three !!! I feel like I'm still kind of setting everything up before we can really get into it so this doesn't feel very substantial to me but when we go back to Raven in the next part we'll be able to really get into things lol. as always, please let me know what you think! comments are so so appreciated and they always make my day

until next time / part three / jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

part one / part two

word count: 2k

I do not have a taglist - if you'd like to be notified of future works please follow @vegaslibrary and turn on post notifications

warnings: I don't think any for this part?? maybe language but idk

Jake exhaled a sigh as he tossed the tennis ball in his palm against the bunk above him, mind swirling and trying to find something worth focusing on as he tried to pass the time. This was what he hated most about deployments - there was nothing to do. He’d already worked out, his drills were done, he’d been released for the day but he wished he hadn’t. Your letter back was sitting beside him, he was feeling a little too nervous to even open it… what if it was the biggest fuck you he ever read? You were a writer after all, he imagined you’d probably be able to tell him off in the most elegant, crippling way if you wanted.

Bradley had not even noticed the identical envelopes when mail came around, instead taking his as he disappeared, he assumed to the cafeteria, which is exactly where he was. Bradley’s brow was furrowed as he took in your words, shaking his head softly at the way you were seeming to deflect. He knew you wouldn’t want to worry him while he was on deployment, but he knew you too well. You couldn’t get anything past him even on paper… but there wasn’t exactly anything he could do about it from where he was. 

(text only version of letter)

He sat still for a moment as he contemplated what to do, but soon his feet were moving before his mind could catch up down the narrow hallways towards his bunk, unable to resist questioning just what the hell Jake was thinking… and right about now, Jake was thinking you probably told your best friend what a colossal jerk he was, and when the door to their room opened he sat up with a sigh, bracing for the worst.

“You wrote Raven a letter?” Bradley asked, eyes narrowed with a piece of paper clutched in his hand and while Jake’s first instinct based on the look in his eyes was to lie, he knew that would never work.

“I did,” he decided to answer truthfully, leaving it short and simple.

“Why did you write Raven a letter?”

Jake sighed again, “I accidentally opened hers and felt bad. I just wanted to apologize.”

“So, you accidentally opened my smoking hot best friend's letter and happened to read the entire thing instead of putting it down as soon as you realized, and what? You expect me to think this isn’t you doing your typical Hangman bullshit?”

“I didn’t know she was smoking hot,” he replied and this was clearly the wrong thing to say based on the way Bradley’s eyes widened. “If I were trying to get in her pants I wouldn’t do it through a letter. I just wanted to say sorry and offer my condolences for what happened.”

“It’s not your job to comfort her-” Bradley started but cut himself off, realizing if you were here to witness this one-sided pissing contest you’d be incredibly annoyed. You could stand up for yourself and you never needed him to step in for you, despite how often he tried. If you were mad, you would have handed it by yourself. “Just… she said something about adopting another pilot so clearly she doesn’t mind. She’s my best friend, dude. If you pull anything I’m not the only one you’ll have to answer to, Phoenix will have your ass too.” 

“Not gonna pull anything,” Jake replied. “She really wasn’t mad?”

“You haven’t opened yours?” Jake shook his head. “This isn’t my problem,” he said as he let out a humorless laugh. “Find out for yourself, and if you write her back I don’t want to hear about it.”

“Message received,” Jake said as he held his hands up in surrender, picking up his letter and ripping it open. His eyes quickly scanned the page, unable to keep from smiling as he read. You were surprisingly cool about everything, and even answered all of his questions which he was honestly not expecting. He laughed at some parts, just as he had with the first one, and he quickly grabbed pen and paper to write his reply which Bradley rolled his eyes at from the top bunk.

(text only version of letter)

As he put the pen down he found himself feeling disappointed by the fact that it would probably be a week or so until he got your reply. He hadn’t ever experienced this - he would just go through his deployments and disappear into his own head as much as he could to try and keep himself sharp and entertained but he was finding that with the new promise of communication from you he didn’t need to… he could think about you, figure out new questions to ask or new things to tell you and he decided if you were serious about continuing to write he would share more in his next letter, and ask you more questions, and for the first time since he boarded this ship he didn’t dread rolling over and trying to sleep.

[georgiapeach30513]

Weight of My Sins, Part 1

Summary: You thought life on the ranch was over. Couldn't bear the sight of Kayce anymore, so you fled all the way to Texas. You found a new relationship. You lived. You got a degree. But you missed Montana more than anything, but he wasn't leaving Texas. Now you're back on the ranch, and you and Kayce both lived your life. But that draw to him is still there, even if you're terrified to let those walls back down again. No matter how much you crave him.

Pairings: Kayce Dutton X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  explicit language, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 5.1K

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @saradika-graphics

“Stop fidgeting,” Rip’s gruff voice bellows in the truck, and you press your hands under your legs.  Continuing to stare out your window.  The closer you get to the ranch the worse the feeling in the pit of your stomach gets.  This has got to be a bad idea, and nothing good can come of it.  You need a job just as much as you need a place to stay.  And Rip did you a solid in getting John to allow that for you.  Under different circumstances this would be the perfect solution to your problem.  

“You’re going to stay in the bunkhouse, so I’ll have to go over some ground rules with the wranglers,” you roll your eyes as you turn to look at him.  Ever the protective big brother role.  He isn’t your biological big brother.  Just a man that felt sorry for you as a kid, and helped out when he could.  You were his pet project.  And one of the few people he was kinda nice to.  Some things never change. 

“I don’t want you fucking around with them.  And believe me, they’re a bunch of lonely, horny cowboys.” 

“Aww, but you’re not interested in me.  Are you still lonely and horny?” He gives you an eat shit grin, shaking his head.  You are not the least bit worried about the wranglers.  They are the least of your worries.  “What if this doesn’t work out?” 

“Grow a pair of balls and make it work,” he shrugs as the ranch comes into view.  Immediately your fingers start fidgeting under your thighs.  So many memories remained here.  Up until the point that you left for veterinary school.  Anything to help out the ranch.  That’s Rip’s philosophy, even if he won’t say it.  Anything.

“Quit fidgeting!” He growls at you.

“I’m not!” You don’t want to admit that being here is turning your stomach inside out.  Don’t want to admit what just seeing the last name Dutton does to you.  Some things just are better left unexplored.  Especially now that you’re going into his territory.  His home.  

Rip puts the truck into park, and you inhale slowly.  Letting the fresh air fill your lungs before you slowly exhale.  Popping your neck for good measure before you sling the door open, and jump out.  Time seems to stand still here.  Very little has changed, except your age.  “Come on,” your adopted brother says, and you follow along with his long strides.  

Slinging the door open, Rip drops your meager duffle bag on the floor, and every man in there turns to glare at you.  Lloyd gives you a slight dip of his chin, “Welcome back, Bronc,” you nod to him.  The others you don’t truly recognize.  

“This here is like a little sister to me.  You treat her with fucking respect, and you stay out of her damn pants,” clearing their throats they return to their card game, leaving you puffing out a nervous breath before giving Rip a head nod.  “Yep. That’s it,” he says, turning on his heels, and leaving you in this den of bears.  

“Which bunk is available?” 

“One of those back ones,” Lloyd points in the direction without removing his eyes from his hand.  You didn’t expect a grand welcome, but this is pathetic.  Your eyes roam around each of the bunks.  Examining the spaces, looking for anything familiar. 

“He’s not here,” Lloyd answers, finally looking at you. 

“Who?” the old man’s eyebrows lift, as he nods at you sarcastically.  Judging asshole.  You weren’t looking for anyone.  You were trying to figure out how you fit in with these men.  Reaching into your bag, you stuff a few peppermints into your pocket.  You sling your duffle bag onto the bunk before turning to go towards the door, “I’m going out.” 

“Uh huh,” Lloyd answers knowingly.  You didn’t care what the man thought of you.  You need to get out of this room.  It’s stifling being in this bunkhouse.  Hell, it’s stifling being here.  With all these memories.  But ones that you love so much.  You miss it. 

Sighing at your contradictory thoughts, you kick gravel as you walk to the barn.  Getting away from humans, and joining animals.  They were better than humans.  They didn’t offer any words of wisdom, or judgement.  They are just there.  Lifting up a peppermint to one of them, he eats the treat off your hand, and you lean your head against his nose petting him.  

“First night here, and you’re already spoiling my horse, Bronc,” you didn’t have to see him to know that voice.  The one voice that makes you weak in the knees, and sick to your stomach all at the same time.  The one voice that has stuck to you like a bad habit, and you seek comfort in it with every sylablle. 

“Dutton,” you respond before starting to walk away.  He steps in front of you, and you turn to walk the other direction, but he jumps in front of you again.  His mouth turns up into that irresistible smile, and ‘it just makes you angry, and also makes you want to touch him.  The conflicting emotions just don’t stop.

“Why are you feeding my horse treats?” 

“Why are you hiding in the dark?” He shrugs.  A cute smile creeps onto his face, and you bashfully look away as heat flares your cheeks, “Did you follow me out here?” 

“No, I didn’t know you were going to be here.  Why are you here?” 

Somehow him not knowing you are going to be living here floods you with relief.  “This baby wanted a little treat, and I doubt you were giving him anything.” 

“You’ve not changed,” smiling, you let your eyes coast down his body, freezing at an ugly ring on his finger, and your blood turns cold.  Why is he even here giving you any ounce of hope?  He notices where your sight is, and hides his hand, but it’s too late.  Everything from that last night boils in your chest.  

“But you’ve changed,” you try to smile, and it just hurts.  You didn’t expect Kayce to not have a life and live it, but moving on with a wife is not what you expected.  

“It’s complicated,” is the only thing he says as he stuffs his hands in his pocket. 

“It always is with you, Dutton,” you respond, starting to walk away.  This time he doesn’t follow.  You can almost see him standing there with his pretty puppy eyes.  

“We’re separated,” you stop in your tracks, but don’t turn around.  Saying something like that is almost a death sentence.  Separated did not mean they weren’t going to get back together.  It could mean they needed space.  And you weren’t going to be the space he filled.  You sigh, turning to look at him.  

“Mmm, I don’t know if that’s good enough, Kayce,” his smile doesn’t falter.  You used his first name.  Using that name is so much warmer than using Dutton.  When you bring out the last name, he knows you’re slightly annoyed.  

Walking up to you, his calloused fingers brush over your cheeks, and he pulls you in for a familiar embrace.  Caressing your back as he brings you too close.  Like your bodies were made to meld together.  

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” you respond, pushing out of his hold and you turn to give the horse a kiss.  

Your body is on fire.  Trembling as you take a step back from him.  His scent of sunshine and leather blinds you.  The want for him is almost too strong.  “What do you want?” 

He grunts, “You,” but you shake your head no.  Everything is always so damn complicated with him.  “We are separated.” 

“And yet, you’re still married.” 

“Do you think that if I was happily married I’d be out here after midnight?  I’ve moved back to the ranch, and we rarely talk, unless it has to do with,” his voice goes softer, and your eyes slowly close, “My son,” the twisting of that knife hurts so much worse than hearing he’s married.  “I never meant to hurt you.” 

“Yeah.  And I can imagine how it is with you.  You come here to be separated, and somehow you end up feeling sorry for yourself, and lonely, and then you're driving out wherever, and right back into her arms to play house.  Is that how it goes?” 

“Not exactly.” 

“Why is it different now?” There’s no answer that he could give you that would make you feel better.  You’re left feeling like a junkie, and your drug of choice is Kayce John Dutton.  Always was.  Probably always will be.  

“Because of you.” 

“Oh, no.  I just got here, and you don’t get to come here with your pretty words when I’m trying to do a damn job.  You and your cute ass need to keep things professional.  I don’t need this Kayce.  It’s my first night.” 

“So you don’t hate me?” You could never truly hate Kayce.  You could have your heart broken by him.  Again.  But you’ve never hated him. 

“No, but I’m also not fucking you,” he chuckles as you walk backwards, and out of the barn. 

“Again!” He yells, too loud, and you hope that no one hears the two of you out here alone.  You didn’t need any rumors going around about how you were fucking him in the barn on the first night.  

“It was a mistake,” you wink at him.  Lying in this instance is a way to protect you.  There’s nothing that you regret with Kayce.  Not on your end.  

“And why was it a mistake?” 

“Premature ejaculation,” he looks down at his feet, as he toes the ground, “Due to the fact that neither of us knew what we were doing.  But it sure did get us into a lot of trouble, huh?  Have a good evening, Dutton.” 

“That wasn’t nice,” he peeks up at you, smiling anyways.  

“Nice?  Was it nice that I saw you with some girl in our spot?  You sure were curled up, and enjoying her with your mouth.  Was that nice?” 

“Wait…” you have to rip the bandaid, and let him know that you knew what he was doing.  You should have confronted him then.  Maybe you could have truly moved on and healed.  Maybe you wouldn’t have longed for Montana, and those pretty brown eyes still. 

You shake your head, because you need space from him.  He is crowding your thoughts, and your vagina.  If you didn’t get away, you’d be rolling around in the hay with him.  “I get we were teenagers.  Too young to be fucking.  And too stupid to remain faithful.  

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Like we have a choice,” he stands there smiling.  Not fully defeated by your words.  You weren’t bending to his words and charm, but you also weren’t refusing to talk to him.  “Don’t wear the ring.” 

“Whatever you say, Bronc,” you wouldn’t forgive him if he kept showing up with that ugly thing.  It pains you to know that he went off and married someone and had a child with someone that wasn’t you, and you couldn’t blame him either.  He’d moved on, and in so many ways you haven’t.  

You hope you don’t regret this decision to be here.  Hope that Kayce doesn’t infect your mind, and heart in the way he’s always done.  Knowing that he’s married, even if separated, helps.  And he has a kid.  Time didn’t change your feelings because you still ache for him.  

Separated.  

What did that even mean?  How did he define that word?

How long has he been separated?  Were his sweet words anything more than that?  Would he return to his wife?  He has a kid with her, so it’s not like he can just walk away easily.  Unless he already has.  But how can you be sure that this is it?  It’s the end and he’s never going to be with her again?  And if he was sure, why not going through a divorce? 

No.  You’re here to do a job, and doing a job is what you’re going to do.  You want to be treated just like everyone else on this damn ranch.  You weren’t going to become a love sick puppy for him.  You’re going to enjoy the Montana air.  The view here.  And finally doing something with your life.  And for you.

“Bronc and I are going to take the back,” Kayce smiles at Rip, and the older man’s eyes narrow at him.  

“Why?” he asks, giving you a quick look as you saddle up a horse, ignoring the conversation.  You’ll go where you’re told.  “Why are you bringing up the rear, and why is she even coming out with us?” 

“Because if something happens, we have a licensed vet right with us.  She’s bringing up the rear because she’s never gone out with us before, and this will give her a chance to learn.” 

Rip places his hands on his hips, gazing out to the sunrise, sighing, “I’m still not sure why you’re with her.  Put Jimmy in the rear with her, and — why the hell are you shaking your head at me?” 

“She doesn’t know Jimmy.” 

“And yet she sleeps in the bunkhouse with him,” Kayce clears his throat, and only because the last place that he wants you to be is with Jimmy. “What the fuck is your problem?” 

“Bronc and I are taking the rear.  Jimmy’s got flank.  Is the bunkhouse really the best place for her to be?” 

“Hell, Kayce, she’s not going to learn anything by getting special treatment,” you aren’t getting special treatment from him.  He just wants to make sure you stay comfortable, and be with him.  He needs more time to talk to you.  “Fine,” Rip growls, getting on his horse.  “She’s your responsibility then.” 

“I’ll try to keep her out of trouble.” 

Rip turns his horse around and heads towards the front, “Bronc, you're with Kayce in the back,” you sigh, climbing onto the horse.  Kayce gives you a wink as he climbs on his own, and waits for you. 

“You’re not subtle, you know?” He shrugs, and you can’t help but take a peek at his hand.  The ring thankfully is gone.  He kept his word.  And while it does ease your stomach, there’s still a part of you that knows that still isn't enough.  It’s easy to not wear a ring in private.  It’s easy to pretend it doesn’t mean a thing, but it does.  It should. 

“Are you planning on making sure we’re always together?” He shrugs again.  He’s the one that wanted you in the rear with him, and now he’s not talking.  But maybe you’re just not asking the right questions.  “So how have you been?” 

“Doesn’t matter.  I’m better now,” you scoff, keeping your eyes on the cattle.  “What?  Is my response not satisfactory?  Remember you left Montana.” 

“And you had your hands in some other girl's pants.” 

He winces, sucking air through his teeth, “Are you ever going to let me explain, so I can maybe get your forgiveness?  I told you I was stupid?” 

“Are you ever going to do it again?” 

“Are you ever going to go on a date with me?” 

“Not anytime soon,” you click your tongue, and tap your heels on the horse.  Speeding up a bit more, but he keeps his pace with you.  “Things can’t go back to how they were,” you wonder if he thought any relationship can return to how they were before, or if you’re just the lucky one.  Did he still carry a torch for you, like you did him?  

“So no more sneaking off into my room, doing things we were too young to be doing?” Him and his stupid little smile get you every time.  Not to mention the passion you always felt with Kayce.  You were never going through the motions, you loved every moment with him.  Even your fights that quickly were resolved, and you went on loving each other anyways, and loving harder.  

“Why did you leave?” His voice darkens, and he turns his face away from you.  

“I needed air,” he nods, understanding.  You needed to get away from him.  “Why did you do it?” 

“Kiss someone that wasn’t my girlfriend?” 

“You weren’t just kissing.” 

“Yeah, that’s all we did,” you shake your head no.  That is not what she implied happened.  And just kissing is enough anyways.  “It was stupid.  And I quickly realized that she wasn’t you, and did I say that I was stupid?” 

“You did,” you look over towards him, smiling, “But you can keep saying it,” a comfortable silence settles between the two of you, and you breathe in the fresh mountain air.  Realizing all the reasons that you missed Montana, but also the Yellowstone.  Things are peaceful in their way, of course, but there’s just this home feeling here.  

“Did you miss it?” 

“Do you mean did I miss you?” You turn to peek towards Kayce, and he chuckles, shaking his head.  

“I asked if you missed it as in this?” 

“Every day,” you enjoyed school, and you would do it all over again for the experience, and to say you have a skill.  You did miss some of the people, and now that you’re here you miss some of the people in Texas.  One of the people. 

“What did — did you — I mean,” he clears his throat.  Looking up to the clear blue sky, before back over towards you.  You already know exactly what he’s struggling to ask, and it’s due to the fact he doesn’t really want to know.  “How was Texas?” 

“You want to ask me the real question?” sometimes it’s best to just know the truth, and lay it all out there.  Even if you’re scared to know the answer.  You can learn ways to cope or just get over it. 

Kayce sniffs deeply, and tilts his head to the side in thought, “Did you meet anyone there?” Not the right question.  He’s such a coward. 

“Cowboy up, Kayce.  You can do better than that if you really want to know.  Just ask me like a man.” 

“Are you dating anyone?” 

“No.” 

“Did you?” 

“Was that so hard?” Surprisingly he nods his head.  He can respond but just asking was like pulling teeth, and it kinda gave you a bit of a confidence boost.  “I did.  Was.  I was dating someone.  It was pretty serious, but he wanted to stay in Texas, and I wanted to be back here.  We split amicably, and I packed up my stuff, moved out, and now I’m back here.” 

“What was he like?” His jaw flexes when he asks.  He doesn’t truly want to know what he is like, but you’re going to tell him anyway.  Kayce always had a possessive streak.  It never reached toxic heights, thankfully. 

“He’s a mechanic.  Older than me.  He’s a good guy.  He didn’t have much growing up, but he made something of himself, despite his setbacks,” Kayce just nods his head, refusing to look at you.  You like seeing him squirm a bit.  Not that you’re into comparing, but you didn’t have a child with him, nor were you married.  “I think you’d like him.” 

“Not likely.”  

“He played football.” 

“Definitely wouldn’t like him then.  Let me guess, he’s just a regular ole pretty boy that treated you okay, but it wasn’t great?  Maybe borderline annoyed you?” 

“He’s a good guy.  We were getting to a more steady part of our relationship.  It wasn’t too exciting.  And we never fought,” Kayce snorts, causing you to look towards him.  “We didn’t.” 

“Sounds like there was no passion.” 

“You mean it doesn’t sound like us?” 

“We’re adults now, Bronc.  We’re not going to act like two lovestruck teenagers anymore.  We were figuring ourselves out.  We didn’t know the meaning of compromising.  Now we’re grown,” no, you weren’t teenagers anymore.  He’d definitely grown.  At times you and Kayce just didn’t want to see eye to eye.  There was absolutely no compromising in your relationship.  So him admitting that makes you feel happy.  You left something steady, albeit boring at times, because the two of you couldn’t compromise on where to live.  He wasn’t leaving Texas, and you wanted to be in Montana.  

“So just how boring was this guy?” 

“Tell me about your son,” you counter.  Kayce smirks while looking up ahead to the herd.  You aren’t supposed to go out with them often, but you wanted to see the land again.  “How old?” 

“He’s eight.” 

“You didn’t waste any time did you?” 

“He wasn’t planned, and I was distraught.  I don’t regret him though.  He’s perfect.  Reminds me of myself.” 

“Did you love her?” He goes silent.  His puppy dog eyes scan over everything as he contemplates.  “I think I loved him,” Kayce turns to look at you, his smile now returning.  “What?” 

“Did you ever tell him?” 

“Yes.” 

“So did you lie?” It’s an odd thing to say, really.  It shouldn’t be hard for you to admit that yes you loved him or no you didn’t.  It felt right at the time but hindsight is always twenty twenty.  Now, you’re unsure just how you felt about him, “So what you mean is you didn’t love him like you loved me?” 

“No,” definitely not what you meant.  Right?  All those years weren’t a lie.  You had fun.  You enjoyed yourself.  You loved, and felt loved, and — so easily left it for here.  And Kayce.  “I didn’t say that.” 

“You didn’t have to,” he looks towards you, slowing his horse down, but your mind is racing too much to try and look at him.  You need space again, and yet have to stay.  You want to run, but towards him or away from him?  You knew that the forever there complicated feelings towards Kayce would return the moment you saw him, but you weren’t prepared for this.  And if you left again, those feelings would remain.  Eventually you’ll have to explore those feelings.    

Questioning your relationship was not something you had planned.  You loved him, but could live without him.  It’s why you chose to come here.  Back home.  And to him.  So why is it so hard to admit that out loud, and to Kayce.  Why does this man crowd your brain space, and make you question every decision you’ve ever made. 

The only reason you left Montana was to get space from him.  You needed to breathe and make sense out of everything going on.  And to find yourself without him in it.  Without anyone in your life.  To know you could do it.  Kayce was supposed to give you time to figure this out.  You could have a life out of this bubble.  

This beautiful, amazing bubble. 

“Why did you come back?” 

“This is the place that has always felt like home.” 

“Because it’s where I’m at,” he sure is cocky.  Brazenly full of himself.  Part of this being home is him.  But that doesn’t mean that you are referring to him as home.  It means… “You can deny it all you want, but…” 

Kayce clicks his tongue, and starts a faster gallop, leaving you contemplating what he said.  It’s what he does.  He weasels into your brain, and makes you think and question things.  And then he finds himself in your pants, and then in your heart.  But that isn’t the concerning thing, the concerning part is not fully knowing if he is correct.  And do you want him there?  

“You know what I always liked about that girl?” Kayce looks up at his dad, confusion laced in his eyes.  “She never tried to change you.” 

“Who?” 

“Oh, are you still denying that you had a thing with Rip’s little orphan project?” Instead of responding, his son takes another bite of food.  The two of you weren’t exactly quiet about your feelings for one another, but you also didn’t parade it around.  “I see.  So she comes back to town, being hired on as a personal vet or wrangler, I can’t keep up.  And the first thing she does is go on the trail with you, and rides right beside you?  Okay.” 

John eats a piece of meat, smiling at his son who still says nothing.  “You speak more when she’s around.” 

“Are we going to talk about Bronc this whole dinner?” 

“Still got that same nickname for her.  How do you feel about her sharing a bunkhouse with a bunch of men?” Kayce despises it.  Hates even thinking about someone getting too close to you.  He’d offer for you to stay with him, but you’d immediately jump to conclusions.  You could sleep where you wanted to, but he did have an extra room.  “I see.  Must make you sick to think about all those cowboys around fresh meat. We know Bronc can take care of herself.  But she did just get out of a relationship because he didn’t want to take things to the next step.” 

“He didn’t want to move to Montana.” 

“Where she wanted to get married, and settle down with him,” John shrugs as he wipes his mouth with his napkin.  “She’s quite vulnerable.  Don’t push her, but don’t have her too far away from you,” he nods as he pushes his chair back from the table.  “You should offer her some of the food Gator made.  I’m sure it’s better than whatever microwave food she’s got there.” 

—

There is a lot of freedom being here.  However, the food sucks.  You’ll have to remedy that soon.  Sitting out on the porch, you kick up your feet, and inhale deeply.  Letting the mountains absorb your problems.  Hope that they will, so you have some clarity.  

Even with everyone in the bunkhouse carrying on and playing a game of poker, you feel relaxed.  Today felt good.  You didn’t exactly know what your job here would entail; maybe you’d need to travel to some other ranches and tend to their animals.  But tonight, it’s just you.  And the annoying music coming from somewhere.

You won’t let it bother you.  

You don’t care if it’s annoying ‘country’ music.  What even is that shit?  Nope.  It won’t bother you.  You’ll just sit and eat your microwave Mac and cheese, and ignore whatever is going on over there.  This is your bubble.  Your safe space.  You are calm and collected.  Not annoyed at all.

That music is just very obnoxious, and you swear it’s getting louder.  You could ask them to be quiet.  You don’t even know whose cabin it is.  Someone that works here, obviously.  But it’s like they're purposefully trying to get under your skin.  

You sigh as you stand up stretching.  Going inside the bunkhouse would involve you trying to ignore the wranglers.  While not impossible, you’re now more curious as to who is being obnoxious.  It won’t hurt to go check it out.  

Making sure to throw your garbage away, you start to head towards the door, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Lloyd calls after you, but you don’t listen.  Don’t even turn around.  You have some exploring to do.  

You have to know.  Need to know who it is.  You don’t have far to walk judging by the sound.  It’s close.  Far enough away from the bunkhouse for some privacy.  There’s nobody here that would hurt you.  There could be other things that could be dangerous. 

“What are you doing out alone?!” You spin around, and hit him due to your veins coursing with  adrenaline.  “Ow, you still got an arm on you,” Kayce winces, rubbing his arm. 

“Why the fuck are you sneaking up on me in the middle of the night?” Whisper screaming as you hit him again.  “What is wrong with you, and what is the deal with this shitty music?” 

“So the music worked?” You stare at him dumbfounded, trying to figure out what he’s meaning.  “It got you over here, didn’t it?” 

“You ass, Kayce Dutton.  I was minding my business, eating dinner, and looking at the stars.” 

“Your dinner wasn’t good enough,” you have to look away when he licks his lips.  Causing every fiber in your body to heat up.  Being with him alone in the dark is a sure fire way to get you in trouble.  You’re resisting the urge.  You could fall for Kayce again, just not tonight. 

“Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?” 

“I brought a plate from the lodge,” bare minimum.  Don’t fall for this.  This is barely anything.  You want him to work if he wants to get you back.  And you know you shouldn’t rush into anything serious.  With Kayce it will be serious.  “I can heat it up.  We can dance, talk, watch a movie, sit out here?” he smiles sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders. 

“We’re not dancing to this shit.” 

“Of course not.” 

“And I don’t think dancing is something we should do,” he nods his head yes, agreeing to that.  “We can sit out and stare at the stars, and I’m going back to the bunkhouse.” 

“I have an extra bed.” 

“But I won’t stay in it.”

“Why’s that?” Kayce steps too close to you, invading your bubble, and it’s hard to breathe.  Be strong.  Do not fall for this.  If you want to be with Kayce the wait will be worth it.  You want to be able to give you and him the best possible chance.  Start from the beginning. 

“Because I am weak when it comes to you, and I don’t want to be.  So my happy little ass will walk right back to that bunkhouse, and I’m going to sleep there.  And tomorrow is a new day, and you’re going to stop flirting so hard.” 

“I can try and do that,” his hand brushes away the baby hairs off your forehead, and you fight not to lean into him.  Glancing down to his left hand, you count this small moment as a win.  

“Thank you,” you whisper to him before spinning around, and walking towards the cabin. 

“Why?” 

“If I have to tell you it doesn’t have the same gravity,” he smiles serenely before jumping in front of you to open the door.  He’s had that ugly ring off twice now.  It’s a small thing that should not mean much, and yet it does.  You just hope that he keeps it off.  Because you can’t handle another heartbreak like that.

Next

Masterlist

@tis-thedamn-season @theinheriteddutchess

[archivalofsins]

The continuation,

"I warned them many times. Many, many, many, many, many times! You should have stopped it! You, of all people!"

MANY,

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

MANY,

23/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Amane: Happy birthday. Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling?

Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me……

Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this.

Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?

MANY,

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away.

Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that.

Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

MANY,

24/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Futa: ……hey. Oi, Mahiru. You’re in pretty bad shape, right……? Isn’t there anything that can be done?

Mahiru: What’s up, Futa-kun? Yeah, I’m not great…… But Shidou-san’s been looking after me…… And he says if we keep going like this, I’ll get much better……

Futa: ……right. As long as treatment continues, huh. …… I wonder how you’re going to be saved.

Mahiru: Saved……? Are you worried about me? …… You’ve been a lot kinder lately, Futa-kun. …… I feel like I’ve been saved just hearing those words from you.

MANY TIMES,

"Oh- speaking of which, there is one among the prisoners right now. An evil existence that's trying to steal people's trials away from them. Kirisaki, Shidou."

"His actions violate our rules. I have given him a warning. If he continues I suppose it will be inevitable for me to intervene."/ "’Tis ordained, thou shall stay thine course, then perish."

If you interfere with the lives of others then I'll have to interfere with yours. The fact that they went and implied yep she did it again she killed someone else who killed someone she cared about. Yeah go off girl.

The implication that the incident with Mahiru can be compared to a murder suicide one of the crimes related to lovers quarrels the most. How it all wraps into itself and their characterizations over the course of Milgram it's too good.

Also, still feeling this-

"Ain't no sympathy here, this shit's hilarious."

Be the change you want to see. By that, I mean start treating these character deaths like the prisoners' victims have been treated all series. Start asking what they did to deserve this. Start accusing them of attacking someone else first and deserving it. Throw some cheating allegations in there.

Just start going wild with it.

It's been like that with every other death mentioned so far. Why not again here?

How did this happen? Well, you see, Mahiru went to talk to Shidou and he saw her walking then realized the poison just wasn't working. She just kept living regardless of how and thriving despite the doses. This was taking too long why wouldn't she just,

"You're in my way... hurry up and die."

Who knows. The writing was on the wall everyone had read it but her.

22/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Mahiru: My birthday…… the day I was born…… But was there really any reason for me being born? Lately I’ve started to wonder that. Do you ever think about stuff like that, Yuno-chan?

Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that. But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless?

Mahiru: : ……you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know.

Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san.

The first allusion to the attacks occuring was on Haruka's birthday in 2022. After that the first allusion to Shidou treating the injured was on Amane's birthday of the same year,

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

Three months later we saw her again on Yuno's birthday. She stated that she was having difficulties moving but if she didn't move too much she doesn't even feel pain.

22/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Mahiru: ……no, I’m fine. As long as I don’t move too much I don’t even feel any pain. Sorry for making you worry.

Yuno: Oh, really? That’s good then. Mahiru-san, if there’s anything you want then just ask. It’s not like it’s a huge burden, I can just ask for it along with my own stuff.

Mahiru: Ok…… I’m fine for now. Sorry, for making you worry.

Ah, Yuno-chan…… Today’s your birthday, right? Happy birthday.

Yuno: ………… Haha, thanks. Thank you, but y’know. Is it really ok for you to be saying that to me when you’re in that situation? ……you really aren’t suited for Milgram, huh, Mahiru-san.

This news seems to have travelled around the prison. Because when Amane approaches her on her birthday the following year she asks her how her body is feelings.

It has now in canon been going on seven months of her being in Shidou's care.

She tells Amane that she fine and she can move around if she uses a wheelchair. This is the only time this wheelchair is mentioned after this Mahiru begins to drastically deteriorate.

23/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Amane: Happy birthday. Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling?

Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me……

Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this.

Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?

Eleven months into her being under Shidou's care while requesting questions for the second trial written interrogation Jackalope notes that Shidou and Mahiru have completely entered the roles of patient and doctor.

23/05/15 (Interrogation Start: Shidou and Mahiru)

Jackalope: Prisoner 05, Shidou Prisoner 06, Mahiru. The interrogations for these two will now be held. Just leave your questions in the comments here. Ask whatever you want to know. This is where you show off your skills as a prison guard. ……hmmm. These two have now totally slipped into the roles of doctor and patient huh. It probably isn’t a good time to be getting interrogated for them…… but, well, it’s the rule.

Over the course of her second trial written interrogation Mahiru's handwriting declines rapidly.

Despite being interrogated together with her and being asked the exact same questions. Shidou doesn't offer to help Mahiru with writing her answers even though she is now completely under his care.

As well as the fact that there have been no rules stating that such a thing isn't allowed and that all prisoners must write their own answers.

Such a drastic and consistent decline in writing alludes to something I've been speculating for a while now. That the prisoners are given all their interrogation questions at once and have to fill them all out at the same time.

We know that Mahiru and Shidou were given these questions together because it is the only way she would come to know that he had kids. As he never brought it up in the timeline before she asked.

Note the next conversation occurs sixteen months after Mahiru began being under Shidou's care.

23/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Mahiru: You have a family right, Shidou-san……? How does it feel, being married, having kids……?

Shidou: ……yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. Children…… yeah. They really are hope for the future. When you have your own, suddenly it becomes fun growing old. Since as you grow older, you get to see them grow up.

Mahiru: Ah…… how lovely. It was always my dream to become a bride. Though maybe that seems a bit out-dated. I wish it could’ve come true……

Shidou: It isn’t too late. I’m going to make sure you live. So let’s get out of here, and you make your wish come true. ……you still have so much to live for.

Then Kazui asks him later if he has kids so this was new information to everyone and the only place she could have seen that information is on the interrogation card he wrote it.

Q.11 Tell us your family structure.

Shidou: My wife and my 2 kids.

So he could have helped her fill these out and just choose not to despite knowing full and well how servere her injuries were. Which we know he knew because he opens his second voice drama listing them in detail.

Even if they were not made to answer all their interrogation questions at once and Mahiru was given a reasonable amount of time to write her answers. Such as being given one card on the daily basis to fill out that would make the decline in handwriting more odd. Since at that point it would allude to her overall health deteriorating on a daily bases to the point that she can't even write like she used to be able to anymore.

All still while being under Shidou's constant care.

On Amane's birthday Yuno states that Mahiru has finally managed to get to sleep. Implying that Mahiru has not only had pain related issues but sleep ones as well.

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away.

Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that.

Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

This conversation takes place twelve months or one year into Mahiru being under Shidou's care.

At this point her condition has not improved at all. She has rapidly gotten worse she's lost all mobility is implied to be bed ridden and for a time from this point forward will only be approached by others. Her state has declined so much under Shidou's care that she now needs two people to take care of her and is stated to need constant attention/vigilance to make sure nothing happens to further exacerbate her condition.

Meanwhile the second party to get injured during the second trial intermission has only gotten better without any of Shidou's care. So much so that he's walking around checking up on other prisoners. So, it's not a matter of not being able to heal in Milgram, but we'll see that in her last interaction.

On Kazui's birthday that same year Shidou laments that due to him putting all his time into taking care of Mahiru he hasn't been able to help Kazui around the prison.

23/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kazui: Hey, it’s been a while since we last talked. You’ve been working hard lately. Are you doing ok? Should I give you a shoulder massage?

Shidou: ……no, there’s no need to worry. You’re surely on edge at the moment too, after all, Mukuhara-san. Since I’ve been devoting my time to Shiina-kun, I haven’t had time to help with the rest of the prison. Sorry for leaving everything to you.

Kazui: No, it’s fine. I haven’t done anything really. ……you take on too much responsibility on your own. Make sure you rest a bit too. Oh, that’s right, today’s my birthday. So how about you join me for a smoke? As a present.

Shidou: ……I guess it’s precisely because we’re in this situation that things like that are necessary too. Happy birthday. I’ll join you. Can you lend me a cigarette?

Presumably it's during this birthday smoke break that Shidou tells Kazui that Yuno has been helping him. His first response is to later go up to Yuno on her birthday and ask why she's doing that.

To which she responds with,

"If there’s someone dying in front of you anyone would do what they could to help."

Further cementing that Mahiru has not moved one step away from deaths door in now fifteen months of being under Shidou's care. Spoiler alert she doesn't die any better than she started trial two.

23/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Kazui: I heard you’ve been helping Shidou-kun out. ……er, sorry if this comes across as rude, but it’s kind of unexpected. It always seemed like you didn’t care that much about other people.

Yuno: Hmm? What’s with that all of a sudden. I mean, you’re right, I don’t care much. But if there’s someone dying in front of you anyone would do what they could to help, right? And anyway, aren’t you the same? You usually don’t care much either, right?

Kazui: ……I wonder. This old man isn’t as much of a thinker as you are. I mean, until now I’ve been in an environment where it’s all about having physical strength. So I’ve never really thought about stuff like that.

Yuno: Haha, we’re the same in that we’re both liars too. I guess the difference is the reasons we lie. You care about yourself, so lie to protect yourself. I don’t care about anyone at all, including myself.

Now we're in 2024, and her condition is still notably bad. Like still really bad, like at a glance, you can tell something is wrong bad. This timeline takes place twenty-four months after Mahiru was placed under Shidou's care.

It has been two full years.

She has the same injuries from two years ago while Futa is walking around just fine. No wonder he's concerned and going,

"As long as treatment continues, huh. …… I wonder how you’re going to be saved."

Because if the treatment hasn't worked so far and they've all been here witnessing the treatment this whole time. Seeing it not work while Mahiru is just here like but Shidou's a doctor, and he says if I do x, y, and z, I'll be better in no time. Don't worry. The treatment will work. Sure, I've been this way for two years, but it'll work. Shidou is a good and honest person, I trust him. Beyond that, just you showing concern for me has saved me already.

Dr.Malpractice off in his cell wondering what the fuck he can keep getting away with today. At a point they had to have gone yeah we gotta kill him. Like at a point they must have started getting a bit suspicious.

None of these people are unobservant.

24/01/17 (Mahiru’s Birthday)

Futa: ……hey. Oi, Mahiru. You’re in pretty bad shape, right……? Isn’t there anything that can be done?

Mahiru: What’s up, Futa-kun? Yeah, I’m not great…… But Shidou-san’s been looking after me…… And he says if we keep going like this, I’ll get much better……

Futa: ……right. As long as treatment continues, huh. …… I wonder how you’re going to be saved.

Mahiru: Saved……? Are you worried about me? …… You’ve been a lot kinder lately, Futa-kun. …… I feel like I’ve been saved just hearing those words from you.

Then we've got the timeline before the end.

In which Yuno tells the audience and Shidou straight-up she does not know what he's getting at by saying she should become a doctor. Because the only thing she's done is follow his lead. Possibly with the expectation he was doing what he claimed he was going to do- Help Mahiru get better.

Yuno isn't a doctor she wouldn't be able to check him on if he was doing something wrong or not. She just knows that Mahiru's condition has just gotten worse and worse. So more help is needed or she may really die. She doesn't even fully understand the treatment Shidou is giving Mahiru saying she's just helping with whatever he's doing.

24/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Shidou: Thank you for your assistance with Shiina-kun’s treatment.

It’s been a big help having you here. Both for her and for me. It’s good to know that even if something happens to me, you’ll still be around.

Yuno: No way. I can’t do anything on my own. All I’m doing is helping with whatever you’re doing. It’s just like playing pretend as a nurse.

Shidou: No, you’ve got a good sense for things like this. You’re quick to notice things, calm, and fearless. If you haven’t decided what you want to be in the future, maybe you should consider becoming a doctor yourself.

Yuno: You think so? ……haha, stop it. I don’t want to be thinking about the future right now. And for someone like me to have other people’s lives in my hands…… that’s no laughing matter.

Then we get to the nail in the coffin.

Kotoko's birthday,

24/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mahiru: Kotoko-chan… are you there…? I'm so-rry, for calling out to you. It's a bit… hard, for me to move… I'll need, to also give my thanks, to Shidou-san…

Kotoko: Going out of your way to meet with me. You're such an airhead it's not even funny. Well…. Go on then, if you've got something to say I think I'll hear out the reproach of a dying woman.

Mahiru: The re-proach…? Oh, its nothing like that… [All I want to say is] Happy, Birthday.

Kotoko: ………… You're out of your goddamn mind.

Where even Kotoko could see Mahiru was dying.

She never got a step away from dying. Everyone was always so focused on other things. Could come up with a million and one excuses for why Mahiru's health situation wasn't improving. All because some wanted to put all their faith in the doctor because why would a doctor-

Who openly told us that he committed malpractice. That he couldn't stop himself. That he'd do it again because he couldn't stay away and that's why he wanted this all to end do that same thing again? Why would he do exactly what he warned the audience he'd do if given the opportunity? Which is gain the trust of people due to his credentials as well as the severity of the circumstances then weaponize said credentials to emphasizes his own importance in order to commit the same fucking crime in front of everyone.

While people swear up and down time works differently in Milgram, that's why she's not healing as fast. We don't even know if the prisoners are alive, so maybe they can't heal once they're injured. While Futa is over here like- Man, I listened to the child and stopped relying on Shidou and I've only continued to get better. This shit is ridiculous. Usually, you're told to always listen to your doctor, but what if your doctor weaponizes that blind faith and societal rule against you to cause irreparable harm. Wow, it's always important to get a second opinion and think for yourself at times. Luckily, I got out.

Right now people are emphasizing how Shidou warned us about Amane. Told us something had to be done about Amane. No one is touching on the fact that Shidou and Amane were both voted innocent. How both of their verdicts led to this outcome. How Amane warned the audience about Shidou and his behavior. Warned Mahiru that what she was doing would lead her to an early death.

No one is asking if Shidou was guilty and Amane innocent would he be the only one out of that pair dead right now. Instead we validated both of them seeing full and well how Shidou was caring for Mahiru every step of the way. Feeling the time drag on and seeing her condition worsen not improve. Yet many kept telling themselves no he's actually doing what he said he would do.

He wouldn't do it again.

Milgram is just weird. We don't know enough about the space to say that's not impacting how long it takes for these injuries to heal. So his behavior was validated again and maybe if it wasn't Mahiru might still fucking be here. Because if she was given the space to properly heal instead of being kept at deaths door in immense physical pain and emotional distress for two years.

By this man who can only feel validated in his own existence and as though his life has purpose when he has someone else to take care of then maybe she could have at least spent her last days in less pain than she died in here. Because there is no reason that her injuries should have remained for twenty-nine months.

To the extent that she was still having trouble moving and looking as though she was at death's door to anyone who saw her before she was ever even lost. It sucks but a lot of people including myself have speculated he was committing malpractice again as soon as he was voted innocent and Mahiru was voted innocent but her condition still continued to worsen many suspected that.

It sucks that Mahiru had to suffer due to the audience's and others blind trust in this medical professional. That the work has done everything in its power to display commits malpractice and isn't safe to have around injured or sick people. They literally could not have announced this harder. Maybe he didn't do it. But it's still weird that all the injuries he lists Mahiru having in his second voice drama at most take three to six months to heal and she was still recovering from allegedly the same injuries Kotoko gave her up until she died.

"Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing of the left arm. And furthermore... This may be outside of my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

Maybe the number of injuries all together and the inadequate equipment within Milgram made it take longer. Yet she never got better in over two years. She couldn't walk without feeling pain. She started out being able to at least move a little without pain and through the use of a wheelchair but even that stopped.

She just got worse and worse until she died. Then, the one time we saw her up and walking before she died, Shidou was nowhere to be found. Last she said she was gonna go find him to say thank you. Who knows how that went or why she couldn't find him to begin with. Especially since his cell is right next to hers. That would imply he wasn't in it, which maybe.

I just know that if she was given time to heal if Shidou did back off a bit maybe she wouldn't have been in as fragile a state as she was. Well at least she doesn't have to spend another birthday writhing in pain from wounds that seem to never heal.

"This adorable, earnest, sincere ♥ Is bleeding, wailing, this is the end."

[starlightshadowsworld]

In the manga (as far as I have read) it shows Fukuchi only fighting Were-Wolves.

No other Were-Creature in sight or heard off besides Atsushi being a Were-Tiger.

Do you ever wonder what Fukuchi’s thought were when he first heard about the tiger? Like do you think he went ‘did those scientists try and create a were-zoo?!’ Or ‘did I forget to kill one and it turned into a tiger!?’

Like what are you ideas?

PS where did the idea of Were-creature come from or was that just a translation error?

So I went back and checked.

In the subbed anime (season 5 episode 2) they say he fought werecreature experiments. But in the manga (chapter 82) they say he fought ‘skill based “werewolf” test subjects.’

It could be a translation error but the double quotes could suggest they were like werewolves but weren’t actually werewolves hence werecreatures.

But I’m not sure.

Regardless the implications are huge. Atsushi is the only weretiger, hell werecreature in general we ever hear about.

I’ve often thought that maybe the reason Fukuchi knew so much about Atsushi’s ability during their conversation on the boat prior to fighting him.

Was because Fukuchi had fought beings like him before. Though there could be other explanations for that.

The idea of it being solely werewolves and Atsushi is thus an enigma and a creature that Fukuchi has encountered. Is not one I’ve considered but that’s really interesting.

I mean we know Atsushi’s ability is rather unique. He’s called the antithesis of all special abilities and is connected to the book.

Could be a Deadpool situation where others tried to replicate the tigers ability through their own experiments which resulted in these werewolves or other werecreatures.

Though I now have the image of silly goofy Fukuchi getting absolutely plastered the evening of the massacre and waking up one morning like..I think I got them? Yeah yeah I got em I pfft I’m Fukuchi Ouchi I know I got them.

And then learns about the weretiger joining the Agency and is just like…FUCK!

And that’s even if Atsushi is connected to these experiments to begin with. Because we really don’t know.

I mean we’re told Atsushi’s parents abused him so bad that the headmaster considered his methods not even counting as abuse. And well experimenting on a child from infancy…yeah that’d do it.

There’s a lot of paths this could take.

Also begs the question why Fukuchi was sent to another country (Republic of Kenya) to kill hundreds of thousands of experiments in the first place.

Why is this man the one we send out for dealing with supernatural threats? First the vampires now this.

Oh who am I kidding its because of that fucking sword isn’t it?

The special abilities division did know about the book. Perhaps in an event to keep it hidden they tried to eliminate these experiments to stop people from going after it.

Which if we’re going solely by werewolves only does make the concept of oh fuck it was a tiger so much funnier.

And it is never explicitly said that Fukuchi killed them all, just that he killed a lot.

And Fukuchi’s fucking old so like who knows when that massacre took place. Like Atsushi could’ve come about a lot later. Fukuchi’s just busting down the doors like now they’ve made a zoo?!

It does make me wonder that if the tiger had been known to be an ability user to the public if Fukuchi would’ve been deployed to Yokohama to take out Atsushi.

The Agency are known for taking cases the police can’t handle so even with a seemingly normal tiger things were difficult.

Maybe that’s why no one considered it was an ability user because no one had ever heard of a weretiger before.

I could go on about this all day there’s so many possibilities.

[ewwww-what]

an archdevil and a presidential candidate sneak into a gay bar

flatcolor + closeups below :)

[wickmitz]

I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule

Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?

for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.

one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.

obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.

all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.

source : q&a with tracy .

which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.

however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.

though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.

once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Why are people who look at comic books from a “critical real-world lens” so obsessed with identifying the one person who is “100% right”. That doesn’t even exist in the real world.

Lost Days wasn’t made to protest global issues. It is a comic book exploring fictional character Jason’s mental journey after being resurrected and regaining consciousness against his will and/or power. Now how dare this character, in his own story where he has his own personal objective, not go out of his way to make sure each individual child from the collective hundreds he saved from traffickers and the likes gets adopted into nice homes. Obviously we have to disregard any good he did or that he cares at all because all he did was kill the fucker at the top who was responsible. Winick also never fleshed out all 42 of the trafficked children into nuanced characters with their own thoughts and feelings which was apparently neglectful lol.

In regards to utrh, Idk what this person read but there were more drug dealers Jason didn’t kill than those he did. Not once did he ever say he wanted to eliminate the flow of drugs in the community. He took over the trade. Not to mention he explicitly stated control vs elimination is where his goals differed from Bruce’s pipe dream hence why he’s successful and Bruce is still failing. Obviously if you completely misunderstand the character’s motivations you’ll find issues that don’t exist.

People just don’t want stories to be about what they are about, huh.

[danielnelsen]

so if you romance and ascend astarion you can kick him in the balls when he tries to turn you and it’s just very funny, he’s so pissy about it. so much for the most powerful vampire of all time or whatever, he stamps around like a toddler and then leaves forever

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It

[livvyofthelake]

well basically like raise your hand if you’ve ever been blocked by a close mutual you though you were actually friends with and not just fandom-mates because you expressed an emotion they didn’t like because apparently they only want to interact with people who watch the same media as them and when you didn’t anymore they stopped talking to you and the media you DID have in common they gave up on once they found something more popular and seeing as that thing happened to be your favorite thing you graciously let them have because you believed you were friends and they would treat it with care and love but they didn’t and it made you feel like they didn’t respect you or like you or think of you as a person but rather as a faceless entity who sometimes could make Posts about tv shows you have in common. despite the fact they know what your face looks like because they’ve seen it because you’ve gotten together on zoom and watched movies together like friends do but that doesn’t mean anything i guess if you try to delicately have a conversation about how you feel because they just immediately dismiss you and start talking to you like you’re coworkers in a polite email chain because you said you didn’t like their tv show. which was a fact they already knew but didn’t take seriously because they were apparently never viewing you as a person! or has that only happened to me.

[kavehayati]

I just get it when ppl be like EDs are so competitive cause the whole reason I started falling into that rabbit hole last year was cause it was triggered by someone telling me how skinny they were and my perfectionist, cant stand not being the winner, self decided there is no way ur gonna be skinnier than me and stopped eating ☠️👍

[mutalune]

really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state