#which is why the circle isnt there i guess

[madam-melon-meow]

This makes me want to ask Miss OP, like, how many km is it from your place to the nearest grocery or takeout place?

Im gonna talk about where i used to live. The nearest grocery store (which has a place you can get takeout in the same plaza) is currently 4.67 km (2.9 miles) away from that old home.

But they only built it sometime after I graduated high school, so, after i’d gotten a drivers license. before that the nearest grocery store/location with restaurants was 8.53 km (5.3 miles) away.

Below the cut is a screencap of my old area. I get a bit rambly, but I figure for people who aren’t used to this set up, giving them a concrete example is the best I could do. 

Ive circled the neighborhoods (all houses, no shops or other amenities) with a teal line. there’s a creek that divides the area- the above the creek zone was all connected to the neighborhood i lived in, the below the creek was one giant gated community. You can see my old home (labeled in purple). You can see the local elementary school (the only thing other than a church inside this residential area) in green. It’s where i went to school as a kid. The grocery stores are labeled new and old in red.

Now, i coulda biked from the old home to the new grocery store, i guess, but there’s 5ft ditches for drainage directly off the sides of the road, a “bike lane” that’s just a strip of paint that cuts a slice of road the width of my two feet, and a memorial to a woman who died trying to rescue a hit-and-run dog between that old home and the *school*, and that isnt even the end of the residential area! Not to mention, the road between my old home and the school is a 72 km per hour (45 mile per hour) zone for the cars!

My dad spent a decade+ petitioning for a sidewalk from the local elementary school around the loop of road all the neighborhoods branch off of, and they only even followed through on like, just enough sidewalk to get to the mouth of one neighborhood (see below, the red line is the sidewalk, the green is the “loop” im talking about)

So yeah, i hope these maps help a European person who wonders why not walk to get takeout or bike for groceries. Its rather time consuming, and if you want to go the safe way, you gotta go an even longer way- and the safe zone doesnt last very long.

walking somewhere in the USA outside of the big East Coast cities is also considered a form of exercise or poverty in the USA

.... I don't understand. Don't you ever just walk to the store. Or to pick up takeout or something

[holmesoldfellow]

Granada Holmes Mobil posters/designs: Adventures, Return, Casebook, and Master Blackmailer

[moeblob]

Hello everyone ! Briefly opening commissions because I don't have a job! Not sure how long commissions will stay open or how many I will take on but once I close them up this time it will be a long while before I open again.

I don't mind detail and there isn't an upcharge for it but if you would like to buy an ACNH style, the detail WILL be reduced and simplified as needed. I also will not do more than two people in one picture (sorry group wanters).

If you are interested, please DM me here on tumblr ! If you have any questions, DMs or asks work though I would prefer being able to answer privately so not anonymous asks.

Thank you all very much in advance! o/

EDIT: Currently going to consider my slots full - thank you all for the reblogs and interest! I might not take more this time, sorry the open window was so small!

[blinkbones]

white whalin, whalin, whalinnn

so profoundly unwell. incredibly unwell.

[thepitlanepress]

NEVER TOO BUSY FOR YOU –

↳ oscar piastri + gf!reader

⌗ :: masterlist

⌗ :: a/n: i like to think im the sweetest person alive so this is written for my girl nadsies while she isnt having the greatest day ever. just a short lil fic bc im working on the smau pt2 and some other ones ;)

you dont like bothering oscar when he's at work. its a weird thing you have, one that oscar's tried getting out of your head on more than one occasion. does it stick? no.

the cramps you had been feeling for the entire day had made it almost impossible to move, so you weren't exactly able to reach your phone to tell oscar either.

that is a fact you use in a later argument. which by the way doesn't work.

so when the door to your apartment swings open and you hear your boyfriend's voice, you nearly flat out start crying. its so nice to hear a comforting sound.

"sweetheart?" oscar calls out for a second time when you don't reply, even talking feels like too much right now. you hear some shuffling around and then the soft footsteps as he walks down the hallway.

"hey, baby," he murmurs when he enters the room, coming to sit next to you on the edge of the bed. his hand comes to rest on your back rubbing slowly through the duvet. "how are you feeling?"

a noncommittal grunt escapes you and you wince in pain as another wave of cramps hit you like a train. fuck periods actually.

oscar sensing your situation quickly, he gets up and places a quick but soft kiss to your forehead before walking back out to the kitchen promising to be back soon. you stay awake for a little while but eventually the sounds of him moving around, and the soft clinking of dishes quickly puts you to sleep.

it was a comfort knowing someone else was home with you.

some time later you feel a dip in the bed beside you, two arms wrap around your waist and pull you into their warmth.

"hey you," you whisper.

"hey you," he whispers back his hand drawing circles on your skin. "are you feeling better after that nap?"

"sort of," you sigh. "mainly im-"

"hungry?" oscar guesses, you can hear the smile in his voice and you slowly sit up, cautiously testing different positions before finding one that doesn't make you feel like you've been shot.

you look over at oscar who has turned away bringing a tray of snacks over from the bedside table. it has all your favourite snacks, chocolates, your phone and a warm cup of tea.

"i called mum, while you were asleep earlier," he said almost nervously. "and asked her what type of tea to use because i was worried and wanted to help and she said to use-"

you shut him up by placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth "its perfect thank you osc," you settle back against the pillows - and him, okay mostly him. his arms are wrapped around you as you soak in the quiet afternoon, the soft sound of the show you had playing on your computer earlier the only noise in the room.

"why didn't you call me?" his voice rumbles through you.

"i didn't want to bother you while you were at work," you look down to the cup of tea in your hands and realise now that you probably won't be winning this conversation. there is no one who cared more about you than the man currently wrapped around you. he would drop anything in a second for you.

hence why you didn't call him. he cant be distracted from work. its so important to you.

but he won't take that as an answer.

"you know i always have time for you, sweetheart, i'm never too busy for you. you're my number one priority. always."

the cramps didn't seem so bad after that.

2025 © thepitlanepress | please do not steal, use, translate or repost any of my works

– comments, likes and reblogs appreciated !

[rassicas]

today on splatoon mythbusters: is Agent 4 a country bumpkin?

no lol this is probably the funniest widespread misconception to come out in recent years A big part of it is because people misunderstood this map.

I came across this trivia point on the wiki page for agent 4 while making this post LOL agent 4 has better access to public transportation than 95% of you With all that green on the map and nothing marked in between, It seems that people have been assuming the population density of inkopolis looks something like the image on the left. While it's unclear exactly how big the population is of inkadia and the surrounding area is, going roughly off of how irl east Tokyo and neighboring Chiba prefecture look, i think its safe to guess were dealing with an urban area that looks more like whats on the right.

(side note about population count: i take the account of the Low Water Party with a grain of salt since that isnt even a real number they used. something that is more reliable is that graffiti artist Sally has over 240k followers on social media. while followers can be from anywhere in the world ofc, it sounds like her fanbase is largely in inkopolis. i think its safe to say inkopolis is a very big city!)

If we're to look more at the irl equivalent of the area, it seems the Inkopolis Coastal Connector is based on the Keiyo Line. Following that line roughly to where 4's house is lands us in a ward in Chiba city. It doesn't look like much, but about 100k people live in that area. Not a super crazy urban area like tokyo, but still urban.

(incidentally, a major landmark on the Keiyo line is Makuhari Messe, where 3 of the irl splatoon idol concerts have been held. maybe a coincidence but maybe gives more credence to the idea that that's what the coastal connector is based on?) Apparently on the Japanese side, there's a theory that 4 is from Yotsukaido, which is a little further north of the area i circled. why there? Yotsukaido means "4 town street"...4...haha

Ok enough guessing based on "vibes" and real maps that may or may not be accurate to how things are in the splatoon world. The Actual lore: On Splatoon base it's confirmed they grew up about 40 minutes away from Inkopolis by train, close to the city. That's like a nothing amount of distance.

Another developer interview from 2017 goes into more detail.

Inoue: Agent 3 had a very "I've finally made it to the city" feeling, with a strong desire to become fresh. 4 on the other hand, not so much. Rather than being someone from the countryside, they're more like someone who came from a commuter town within the greater metropolitan area. It's like a place where the limited express trains wouldn't stop at, but the semi-express trains would (laughs).

so agent 4 is very clearly, a city kid. agent 3 is the country bumpkin, from an area so far away its not even on the map. According to splatoon base...

Far enough away that they moved to inkopolis alone. meanwhile 4 lives close enough that they could just go home to their parents after battling.

Also this is something that I never see brought up. Amidst the dubiously canon early concept comics in the back of the artbook, there's a comic about agent 3 leaving their hometown, mentioning they live in a seaside town called [REDACTED] with a population of 5000.

Again, these comics are dubious since theyre so old. but there are ideas in these comics that have carried over to the final games in some form, and this is consistent with agent 3's final characterization that they come from a far away small town and had a longing for the city.

anyway tldr i think its funny how agent 4's fandom characterization/backstory got swapped with 3's all because of a misread map

[comet-forgot-you]

Do you think you could write more for Max Fox? Smut or fluff or whatever cause there's not many fics of her that I can find on here. :(

yes omg, love love love max.

messes

max fox x reader

summary: baking cookies for max always comes with messes

warnings: 18+ pls, smut, fingering, oral, shower sex

a/n: this was supposed to be just fluff but i feel like im really bad at that 😞 this one honestly doesnt have anything too bad, super soft and fluffy at the beginning i think. do not repost for any reason.

max always got what she wanted from you. whether it be a bouquet of her favorite flowers, or a photoshoot of just you in nothing but a pair of underwear and a button up, she always got what she wanted, you were too much of a sucker for her to say no. tonight was no different. all it took was one quiet ‘please’ and slight pout on her lips for you to say yes.

which brought you to where you were now, stood in the kitchen while max sat on the counter, watching as you skillfully mixed the ingredients for cookies together. it was 2 am and max had woken up craving your chocolate chip cookies, causing her to wake you up to plead for you to make some. the house was quiet, and you assumed everyone was asleep, so you tried your best to stay quiet while making the cookies.

“you’re so nice to me,” she mumbles, swinging her feet. a smile tugs at your lips at her praises.

“only cause i love you,” you mumble. a smile breaks out on her face as she tugs your arm. you let her guide you to stand in front of her and she presses a kiss against your lips.

“you’re so cheesy,” she mutters, pulling back slightly. you roll your eyes playfully, pulling yourself away from her.

“fine, guess i’ll have these for myself then,” you joke, placing the dough on the covered cookie sheet.

“baby no, i was just kidding,” she quickly defends. “please let me have some,” she whines. she knows your threat isnt real, but she’s way too tired, and way too hungry to play around about it.

you place the tray of cookie dough in the oven before making your way to max. “you know im just messing with you, don’t take it too seriously,” you say, gently flicking her forehead. she quickly covers it with her hands.

“ow! why did you hit me? i just wanted some cookies! you’re so mean, i’m literally just a girl.” you roll your eyes at her over reaction, pressing a kiss to her lips to shush her. you reach to her side, scooping a little bit of flour out of the bag without her noticing.

you step away quickly, throwing the flour in her face. her jaw drops, “you didn’t” she mutters.

“i did,” you say proudly. it doesn’t take long before the counters and floors are covered in flour, laughs from the both of you loud enough to wake up the entire house, which is what it does.

“oh my god.” sam’s voice carries surprise and disappointment, and both of you turn to face her, laughs instantly stopping. frankie and duke stand on either side of her. sam’s eyebrows are furrowed, you and max look at each other, then back at them before bursting out into even more laughter.

—

the two of you stood in the shower, rinsing the left over flour off of your bodies. it had taken almost 2 hours, and 3 more flour attacks, for you two to finish cleaning up. the early hours of the morning were finally catching up to you. you wrapped your arms around max’s waist, the warm water cascading down your bodies. her back was flush against your front, your thumb tracing the letters of your names on her hip.

“tired?” she asks in a mumble. you nod against her shoulder, pressing kisses against her neck. she lets out a shaky breath at the feeling of your lips against her neck. your hand glides across her wet skin, the sound of shaky breathing and the shower echoing in your head. your hand reaches the heat between her thighs, scissoring your fingers against her folds.

her hips buck into your hand, a needy whine escaping her lips. you circle her clit with two fingers, your teeth sinking into the skin of her neck. you sink your fingers into her cunt, scissoring them ever so slightly. she lets put a quiet moan, grinding against the palm of your hand.

it doesnt take long for her to topple over the edge, her juices coating your fingers as the shower water get colder. you pay no mind to it, pushing her back into the wall and dropping to your knees to lap up the mess between her thighs.

as soon as the two of you are dried off, your lying in bed held in each other’s arms. limbs tangled together as sleep overtakes both of you. neither of you wake up until the early hours of the afternoon, limbs still interlocked with one another.

[nikanono]

I know I'm not active on here anymore, but I need a place to get this off my chest.

And Tumblr is where I found my creativity so I guess it fits

It has been so difficult to create anything as of recent. Ive lost so much confidence in what I do with so many shortcomings with my art. And I feel as if part of it is my fault- other parts its completely out of my hands.

Yes, Ai art and the industry tossing creatives aside hasnt been the most encouraging thing in the world. Its a good reason as to why i've been feeling not so great with creating things.

In 2022, I suffered a really bad art burnout. I didnt draw anything for a year. I started to kick it back up again in 2023. I found a lot of comfort in spending a lot of time drawing my OC's- which was far different than what I used to do- which was a shit ton of fanart. It definetely ignighted my spark and I really started to draw what I loved.

I really felt I was diving back into what I was really passionate about.

But I guess i could never escape how badly I relied on external validation for things I make. Because if I truely reflect, I've mostly drawn things for others. And I kept tellling myself that that was something I found comfort in. Getting feedback from an external source is where I grounded my validation for so many years and I really need to break out of that habit. And I'm back in a rut where I'm not finding interest or enjoyment in it anymore.

But its rough- I know OC content doesnt get much attention online, not compared to fanart at least. But seeing numbers dwindle on social def hit the brain a little to hard. I know I cant ever beat the algorithm but it still does suck a whole lot

The art burnout at the start of this year hit me so hard like a 500kg Eagle Strike. I can tell that im forcing any art that I put out. But I look at the recent stuff i make, wether it be a sketch or an illustration, and just feel so disheartened. I dont hate it, I dont critique it- I just feel disheartned by it.

And I know its affecting other parts in my life. Im a lot more moody and irritable, and I have this lingering worry that its starting to affect my social circles. I do my best to check in with my friends and partner but anxiety really just isnt kind at times.

I know time is going to be my friend in overcoming burnout- I know I've overworked myself. I just hate how I'm starting to resent the things I was so passionate about.

But really, I needed to get this off my chest somewhere.

Thanks for hanging friends

[lapdogchase]

one of my professors' tests drive me fucking crazy bc they arent fair at all and nobody is doing well in the class (despite him grading on a curve which is apparently supposed to be a good thing? i guess? i mean it got me like, 12 or 16 extra points on the first test so im not complaining i just dont get how it works) and im like actually going to be so upset if this ruins my Plan to get on the dean's list for the bit. like i'll be genuinely so upset. And one of the girls in my class is a super smart polisci major transferring to an ivy league next year and she's thinking of withdrawing bc she might lose her scholarship if she does badly in this class. And what i mean by the tests being unfair is like. one of the questions on the last test was "where is [whatever building] located?" with 6 different towns as options as well as "none of these" and "other:" with a space to write. so i wrote down "there is no building" in the other spot, and my friend circled none of these, because it isnt in any of these, because there isnt a building at all. and our professor marked him wrong Despite being completely correct Bc he was looking for us to write in that there wasnt one. And another question was like. "which two positions [whatever, i dont fucking remember]" and had places to write in a) and b). and almost nobody got that one right bc THERE'S ONLY ONE POSITION THAT COULD [WHATEVER] AND HE MADE THE QUESTION LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE TO TRIP PEOPLE UP. just doesnt seem like a fair way to assess student's learning at all when u have to read the whole test like, "ok what does he specifically want"-- ANOTHER EXAMPLE, my friend and i both got one wrong bc the question was "what does [latin phrase] mean" and we wrote in what it means as in, like, if we heard the words in a court case, this is what it would mean. but he was looking for the Literal Latin-To-English Translation and marked us both wrong. even though we knew what it meant if it was used in a sentence.and just not the literal word for word translation. because why would we need to know that.

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

What is up with A24’s treatment of Queer? Why did they sabotage their own product?

it's baffling to me. it's very interesting having watched from an adjacent perspective because it's like. at the beginning of A24 fame they seemed very selective about their acquisitions and branded themselves more as a production company than a distributor. and that was what made them so (and i say this like. in terms of their success not my personal feeling) good. like people bought into it. they were in a lot of real ways different from other film distributors. which made them "blow up" and be able to acquire more. and right now it seems like they're in a really flaky era of not knowing what to do with themselves now that they've expanded. they most likely don't have the manpower for that expansion and that's probably the main reason for the queer flop. like they're having to choose to prioritize other movies and it seems mainly (?) they prioritized babygirl as it was like. i saw four million articles talking about it but nobody actually liked the movie 😭 or cared really. but like to quote mean girls. they were REALLY trying to make babygirl happen.

like of course i don't know what exactly went into the division between A24 getting US distribution and MUBI getting international distribution (though A24 is as is proved by their merch etc a US centric company anyway). also don't know what went into deciding what movies to promote more than queer or wtv. it's strange to me that luca's movies haven't really been nominated (with the sort of exception of challengers) since cmbyn like? like i just don't get that in any way. i'd have chosen other movies over cmbyn for awards season hype in the first place so i can't even begin to untangle that.

i also can't express how confusing i find this for my circles and even slightly beyond but i also do think it's unfortunately that queer isn't a story for the mainstream. like i think even when it comes to burroughs work people don't fully know what to do with queer because compared to his usual it's just so raw and personal. so then you're taking like. a famous but more gritty writer's most emotional work about a perceived one-sided love story and adapting that into a movie. and when you think about a mainstream audience that already finds queer love stories hard to comprehend this one is just going to be more difficult.

idk it's really hard for me because on one hand like. i think one of the most annoying parts of the cmbyn wave were people interpreting it as this wholesome love simon esque love story when it just. isnt. and if queer had hit the mainstream i'd be fighting for my life trying to get people to understand it's fucked up and awesome instead of like. uwu tenderqueer stuff. rather than fighting for my life getting people to watch and engage with it. and i almost prefer the current reality even if i wish everybody in the world had seen this movie. but IDKKKKK. i guess what i think is that A24 should award me and 5 other people a dinner at luca guadagnino's house just so we can say thank you and kiss his cheeks for his service to filmmaking etc. and fuck A24 until they send me my queer zine at which point thank youuuuuuu A24. and release a bluray and vinyl and script book for queer at which point thank youuuuu. A24.

[wolfertinger]

warning for mentions of rape i guess, sorry i got a bit heated here but im genuinely baffled at how people could side with these two after this.

when salem defended wis (who was quite literally berating someone for asking clarification on if she was being exclusionary of other trans peoples' experiences in favor of transfems) by saying he agrees with her as a trans man really fuckin pisses me off as a transmasc person. you dont get to speak on behalf of all trans men and transmasc people. stop fucking acting like youre our leader or something.

mind you, wis replied to this person with, quote, "yes trans people as a whole experience this problem, yes trans women have it the worst out of everyone". everyone.

trans people have it really difficult in life.

trans women have it really difficult in life.

trans men have it really difficult in life.

non-binary people have it really difficult in life.

genderqueer people have it really difficult in life.

trans people have it really difficult in life.

i dont give a fuck if you think X Y and Z suddenly makes being a trans woman much more difficult than literally every other queer identity under the sun, thats not how it fucking works man. queer experiences are not a god damn monolith, everyone goes through life differently, and yes you can argue certain identities get discriminated against in unique ways- THAT IS NOT GROUNDS TO SAY YOURE THE MOST OPPRESSED.

in this day and age you will be systematically oppressed for being trans no matter what label you use, because you're trans. nobody should give a shit about who's got it worse because WE ALL HAVE IT SHITTY. THAT SHOULD BE THE END OF IT.

salem even argues that trans men widely experiencing erasure in media is a good thing and thus is part of why trans women somehow have it harder by default. what the actual fuck????

"you never hear about transphobia in shows, news, games etc specifically targeting transmasc/afab people individually because society views us as "tricked women" no matter what so ofc they're not going to paint us as super evil and aggressive"

1: ah yes, being infantilized and completely ignored is MUCH better than being treated as violent, guys. being brushed off by your doctor/psychiatrist/parents/etc because you're just a confused little girl and should keep those disgusting thoughts to yourself is sooo much better and doesn't make you feel utterly alone and wanting to end your fucking life.

2: this also isnt fucking true anyways, i see trans men get targeted ALL THE TIME with shit like "they're ruining their natural beauty and just need a man to fix them" yknow, leading to rape, or being "violent traitors" which is especially common in TERF circles, spouting bs about how testosterone turns you violent/ugly/brutish... oh hey, doesn't that sound familiar?

and lets not forget wis, at one point, replying to that person with "type in the chat 1 if you feel unsafe around me, 2 if you feel unsafe around (person she was replying to)" essentially getting her followers to rally against someone THAT LITERALLY JUST ASKED FOR CLARIFICATION ON WHAT SHE MEANT.

and for the record, wis: 1.

i just do not understand, why terminally online queer people like wis and salem, are so intent on making a "hierarchy" of queerness. like yes. trans women, do have it bad. transmisogyny is a unique and terrible thing to experience. but, the way the both of them talk about trans men. and honestly. the way a large portion of the internet, talks about trans men/trans mascs. it gets truly bad. even, from other queer people.

in an irl, lgbt community. guess what. nobody cares, about your ASAB. no one walks up, and asks, "are you TME or TMA?!?!". no one pries into your identity. if you look 100% feminine. but ask them to refer to you as a he. they will respect this. salem of course, does not know this, as he has never attempted to seek an lgbt community. and yes. i am aware, he lives in the south, in a religious environment. so did i. in the deep south, where at times, it was dangerous.

i have been incredibly fortunate, in that i have been part of many different real life lgbt communities. some created by myself even, and thus, having experience with irl, chill queer people. they literally, are just people. and yes. some of them, DO end up being bad people, they are not immune to being shitty, simply for being lgbt. our group, rightfully kept them away, because they proved themselves to be a danger, and could not respect basic consent.

the point of a community, especially one for marginalized people. is to BE. TOGETHER. to SUPPORT, and UPLIFT one another! not to create, artificial lines, that no one cares about, irl. wis and salem so desperately, want to be the queen and king of a shitty hierarchy, they are constructing around them, where they always have the be-all-end-all, to everything, and every issue, and are never wrong. i think, as someone who is not terminally online, and has more experience with irl gays, than online gays, it is just scummy.

[adanaac]

ok sick i love being enabled

now to preface maybe i should say im not particularly interested in the fucking aspect of selfcest, it just doesnt do much for me beyond what selfcest as a premise is already doing for me, and what im far more into is like choking or stabbing each other to death (like in mozaik role) or if one of them is already a corpse

i went at it in sort of a center out approach bc the question that prompted this was "does jerking off count as selfcest" which is obviously no bc there has to be at least 2 bodies i think

1 step removed from "you", that dark grey circle, is sort of the platonic ideal of "another you". this 2nd you is EXACTLY EXACTLY identical to you. im inclined to think that even though this Could be considered "selfcest" in the technical definition of the word, it doesnt have the Spirit of selfcest, or what makes selfcest appealing most of the time.

mind you, by exactly identical i MEAN exactly identical. its like fucking a mirror. this is mostly a hypothetical, because i dont think ive actually ever seen selfcest done this way? theres always at least Some minor difference. personally, if this ever actually happened, i feel like it would be almost robotic, just going through the motions, knowing exactly what the other person is doing and would do and wants

the charm of selfcest, like most things, lies in the imperfection and differences, i think. although my philosophy friend has different opinions

and tbh now that ive had more time to think on it, do you even know what "exactly you" is? is it possible to know the entirety of "who you are"? i wouldnt say i know even 60% of who i am. would you recognise you if you passed you on the street? (although i guess if you did "pass you" on the street, then that other you wasnt "exactly you" anyway) or maybe, would another you who is "exactly you" be completely unrecognizable to you yourself? in the way 100% pure food compounds taste sterile? this is sort of why the concept of "exactly you" is just a hypothetical thought experiment to me, it just serves to emphasize what selfcest is about.

anyway my friend invented noncon selfcest in a effort to figure out what situation "exactly you" would happen in

the green zone is sort of your standard selfcest, most selfcest falls here. i dont feel like i have to elaborate too much since im not trying to classify the taxonomy of the different sources of selfcest (i.e. cloning, mimics, time travel, splitting a person, just plain alternate universe, etc etc) and thats not the point of this, since all types of selfcest are just a means to an end (selfcest), and selfcest is also just a means to an end (character study)

the yellow zone is a bit hard to put into words but its like, not exactly "2 of the same person", but it still has the spirit of selfcest. most mimics would fall here. seimei and haruaki are actually in this category i think because theyre different enough people. you could say haruaki is seimei, but idk if you can say seimei is haruaki.

now white haru and normal haru. thats SOLIDLY in the green zone thats THE MOST classic definition of selfcest (a la hetalia 2P). thank u tanaka mai for the fanservice.

(actually now that im googling hetalia 2p there isnt even that much color palette inverting. where did that come from if not hetalia. i know i have ocs from 10+ years ago that was 2 of the same guy but color inverted and i knew other ppl who had ocs like that or was doing that to minecraft youtubers. hell i still have ocs like that)

BONUS ROUND the so-called selfcest pipeline. i dont fully buy it bc i think selfcest is super easy to get into but also we dont have the sample size. if u read until here ur the sample size now. how did u get into selfcest

BONUS BONUS ROUND the whatever this is

BONUS BONUS BONUS ROUND the response for the person who originally raised the "is jerking off selfcest" question

[1-salf0rdssocks]

(disclaimer: this isnt directly aimed at henrysglock's brennry au fic (even though I dont agree with it), as of now that drama of sorts has calmed and I'm not looking to re-kindle it, rather several other fics which are all by different authors by my current knowledge)

what the fuck is wrong with most of the tfs fics on ao3?

I was looking for some wholesome creelby fics, which ive noticed dont exist (if you cant find them make them am i right heh) but when I search "Stranger Things The First Shadow" and see like 4 brennry fics right at the top, 2-3 of which are underage/non-con sex- okay, what?

I mean I guess you can write what you want but that is a literal 14 year old and a 30 year old man. tfs brenner is nearly 2x OLDER than tfs henry, seriously, and I wonder why this fandom may have a bad rep..

so yeah dont mind my rant I'm honestly just a bit repelled to sex and stuff as an aceflux person but i think some of this fandom needs a serious sit-down-at-a-circle-table kind of talk.

[liefdesleven]

reading gods worst article on tma (Narrating the (Queer) Gothic in the Podcast The Magnus Archives, Maria Juko) and its so bad that its funny. btw this got published in a book (Rethinking Gothic Transgressions of Gender and Sexuality, edited by sarah faber and kerstin-anja münderlein, 2024) and I can only assume the editors didn't listen to tma themselves because good lord what are these takes. come with me as I read this mess

strong start when it claims the entities seek to torture and destroy humanity. patently untrue. we know they have some sentience, but the focus on humanity does a disservice to gerry explicitly saying "you think people are so special its only our fear that counts?". also "destroy". how are you going to get fear if the entirety of humanity is destroyed. we know what the entities wanted (or at least what the web wanted) it is explicitly stated in mag 200. it says so right there so explicitly that I find it impressive if Juko missed it.

calls the beholding the antagonist? if you want to call Any fear the antagonist id go for the web, but even then, antagonist is not the role id ascribe to a lovecraftian entity

"with the podcast���s final season set in a world dominated by the Eye that Jon et al. ultimately overcome to save the world" / "The world comes to depend on [jonmartins] relationship, with the two of them becoming queer heroes." save the world??? heroes?

4. stupidly funny implications. interesting citation for georgie but that's not important right now. the point is the fight against evil and the reading alleging tma says being queer will get you Heroic Powers. Juko's forgetting about the queer characters that get Evil Powers (all of them. all of the powers are evil. that's the point.) did the archivist utilize ace and bi power when he became the lynchpin of the apocalypse and tortured strangers

5. "As a case in point, inclusivity starts at the level of casting: female police officer Basira Hussain is voiced by Frank Voss, who uses they/them pronouns." very true but idk. frank voss and jonny sims are just pals, ill allow Some implications from this but the author is using it to imply more intentional focus on inclusivity then I think jonny was doing

6. "First, the podcast’s main character, the asexual biromantic Jon, is bestowed with supernatural powers, challenging not just heterosexual but all sexual norms of society." BESTOWED? stop using the word bestowed here oh my God. he is not a superhero!! did Juko listen to the entirety of tma without any moral grayness happening here??? also ?? jons bestowed supernatural powers are in no way related to his asexuality & biromanticism??

7. christ. this isnt a bad tma take but it is reminding me why I wanted to quit my literature analysis bachelor

8. did jon utilize ace and bi power when he betrayed martin. did martin utilize gay power when he stabbed jon. jesus christ what do you mean humanity's salvation. the apocalypse isnt fixed at the end by the power of love.

9. i guess? if you felt like it? tma really isn't a queer narrative in my option but I guess?? you could read it like that. if you wanted to. I'm unsure if you should though because these people are deeply unwell

10. "And particularly in the first seasons, Jon and his colleagues often fail to control the evil entities, losing for example colleague Tim at the end of the second season, which leads to a rift between some of the Institute’s members" yeah because truly they were thriving before that. they were the bestest of friends before tim died. they all held hands and danced in circles

11. unsure how much longer i can take this. this isn't the X-Men

12. "[Jon] could be defined as an asexual biromantic who uses his love for Martin as a form of power to save the world." no he couldn't. next

13. "With this in mind, Jon’s exploration of the Archives becomes a metaphor for accepting his (a)sexuality." HUH. NO IT ISNT? jons asexuality isn't relevant narratively At All. go home.

14. for the love of god can anyone hear me. its so dark in here. were the beholding and jonah magnus asexuality allies when they helped jon become an avatar. the sentence after this calls jon the hero of the narrative again btw. patently untrue

15. "Only by accepting his power can Jon save the world." jon didn't save the world.

Juko discusses melanie & georgie but her takes on them are pretty normal and decent in my opinion. if anyone wants a pdf of this horror let me know & ill send it. I'm so annoyed I'm considering writing an email about this. btw it called jonmartin "enemies to lovers" trope and also said their relationship "starts heteronormative and changes to a more equal footing, whilst retaining heteronormative elements". about the gay couple.

to conclude: I don't know which podcast juko listened to about a heroic narrative about queer love that saves the world, but its not the magnus archives. did you know that the eye is an asexuality ally?

[kuwajima]

If its not much trouble, I would love to hear abaut your pre jigoro zenitsu life that isnt a spolier from your lovely fic.

Fortunately, I can't exactly spoil the fic by talking about this because Zenitsu doesn't have the vocabulary or self awareness to explain himself in my fic. You might notice that in the fic I try to be pretty vague about things, and that's because can't explain himself and Tengen doesn't really allow himself to make the connections or dig deep into what Zenitsu is saying.

But even in my other fic, which is more like a pre-canon Zenitsu character study, I find that going into detail about the aftermath of things is pretty effective. The story is more or less from Jigoro's perspective, so he just sees Zenitsu as being skinny and bruised and insecure but doesn't ask any specifics because he already can guess that people were not kind to him. Kaigaku also recognizes these things but believes these are proof of Zenitsu's inferiority while Jigoro views them more as proof of his kindness and determination.

Anyway. I don't think Zenitsu ever had an adult to care for him. Obviously, babies cannot survive on their own so there may have been some kind of camaraderie on the streets very early on for him, but I do believe Zenitsu's canon dialogue that says Jigoro is the first person to really show him kindness. We really cannot underestimate how difficult a baby with super-human hearing would be. I personally believe his mother was someone who would not have kept her baby regardless of his temperament, but one could easily make the argument that a child like that would be too difficult to handle for some people. I do fully believe Zenitsu gave himself his own surname because it does sound exactly like the kind of surname Zenitsu would choose.

I think it's pretty obvious that Zenitsu comes from a world that is very transactional (i.e. doing something only because you gain something in return) but his lack of connection as a child means that Zenitsu is willing to give things up in exchange for praise or attention. This is why he was taken advantage of by so many girls (he would have also been a child for a lot of those interactions, and children are famously easy to trick.) We also know that Zenitsu is pretty lazy and unmotivated, so I don't think he was able to stay at one job for very long before he would be forced to leave. For that reason, I don't think he lived in one location for very long and that would have affected his ability to make friends as well.

Circling back to Jigoro, I know we technically have a timeline for Zenitsu's training but in my bones I don't think that is the time he actually spent living with Jigoro. I think the training itself may have taken a year, but between getting well enough to begin training and then recovering from an actual lightning strike, Zenitsu may have been there for at least two years, if not more. That does make the ex-girlfriends thing more concerning from a modern perspective. But also...who lends a tween boy a large sum of money?! Someone who knows he is gullible.

I don't really know where I'm going with this now, so hopefully this answered you question somewhat! I have a lot of thoughts but they're hard to get out without writing actual prose about it. Like I said, I don't really go into specifics with my other fic but it is two whole chapters of Zenitsu being sort of wet and pathetic.

[jorisjurgen]

ficwriting yapping

tw: im neurodivergent and too passionate and writing this before sleep lmao

fun fact: flower war is one of the three fics I have that arent named after songs (well, technically)

Flower war: named after flower wars, duh (this fic is halfway edited. read at your risk)

This title is just a reference to the fact that 90% of all misfortune in crepin twins' life was orchestrated by their divine father and their mutual hate of each other is completely meaningless, and basically a drama that their god/genetic donor organized for his amusement, lol.

But I did learn about this from a vocaloid song (which has literally nothing in common with my fic's themes and motifs, but is still a banger)

My other fics NOT titled after songs include Die Toteninsel from kh fandom (NOT EDITED)

(titled after a painting. because the fic literally does take place in afterlife. on an island. and has some signalis-ass mindfucky unrealiy logic. THIS FIC WAS INSPIRED BY SIGNALIS FEELS MEETING KHDAYS FEELS. the games have weirdly similar tones: doom and despair and no happiness.)

and Mutually Assured Destruction from matsu fandom (ill also probably have to re-edit it someday, but i now re-edit fics while publishing them on ao3 to fix any formatting errors, so its not like, ergigious)

this fic redeems itself by having every chapter be named after a song instead (the fic itself is titled after the concept that once someone shoots a nuke everyone is immediately also going to do the same, leading to a chain reaction. its kind of a joke with this fic because yeah,, its a reference to the mutually destructive codependency and deep bonds of trauma running like cracks through the whole family unit,, but also I mean it literally because once ONE matsu engages in incest, at least 3 others are soon to follow out of FOMO. crying laughing emoji)

id love to go in depth on why i titled chapters from MAD with the songs that I chose, but that'd take a LONG time.

(I have a 50+ song playlist for plot ideas and possible chapter song sources because i know this fic will be 20+ chapters long. do not fuck with me)

this is, in my personal opinion, my second most favorite fic I've ever written, after Fragile (btw my fic ranking goes as follows: Fragile, Mutually Assured Destruction, ninth circle and hocus-pocus tied for one place, flower war, die toteninsel. I love them all but its easy for me to rank these fics according to which one i love the most)

(im going to de-anon my kh fics someday when I have the time to edit them and remove the typos. same goes for MAD. ill deanon it someday when its a bit more finished, i guess?)

ANYWAY

all my other fics are titled after music.

ninth circle (also a kingdom hearts fic. ALSO unedited so) is titled after this song. it pretty much describes the plot and themes of the fic perfectly lmao.

It was the second fic I ever wrote, and I wrote it shortly after finishing reading 1984. I was inspired by that book a lot. many people read it for political or meme reasons, but i was genuinely feeling so fucking bad for the characters and the ending made me want to claw my heart out.

So I decided to write something even MORE bleak and hopeless, based on the most bleak and hopeless game ever: kindom hearts 358/2 days.

I was numb by the time I finished writing this. it legitimately put me in a really bad situation mentally, and I couldn't reread it much because reading it again made me feel sick. so i think i accomplished my goals of creating an eldritch artifact that gives anyone who reads it Bad Feelings.

This song isnt JUST the anthem of this fic: its the most Axel-core song in existence. This song is quite literally the musical representation of Axel Kingdomhearts

all i can say about this fic is that axel is a fucked up person, he has been in a cult since he was 15 and watched his best friend be completely broken by it and start abusing him in turn <3 and his deepest desire in life is for his new friend, roxas to 1. give up on being happy and free like he did, because disappointment is even more painful when you have hope. 2. for roxas to be happy and free.

I feel like not enough people who play kh really pay attention to the fact that all the things i just said are literally just canon and the entire plot of khdays if it were told from axel's point of view.

the entire conflict is that he knows that roxas and xion are basically sacrifices for their cult, and not real members. he knows the ending of the game, and their entire friendship, from day one.

he tries not to feel too much about that. tries not to get too attached to the two sacrificial lambs while using him for his own needs, and playing the role of a Friend to control them.

he fails.

hocus pocus sleight of hand is my first ever fic and its titled after this song and youve read it and if you didnt you SHOULD read it. a certified crepinjurgenite classic, and surprisingly the first ever fic in the Joris Jurgen & Kerubim Crepin tag (WHAT THE FUCK???????)

FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE is my master piece and i am afraid of never being able to write anything better than it. it actually has multiple songs associated with it!

the song its titled after <3 i think this shows the entirety of the fic in the most objective light of what is really happening.

and the two songs i listened to over and over while writing it which are more representative of joris' objective point of view of what happens in the fic:

I keep wanting to draw art for my fics but i only managed to illustrate this fic so far. I genuinely love this fic with all my heart.

and its the first fic of mine that had any fanart of it made..... (thank you lauren!)