#which is why ive not tried choosing the option

[himbopunk]

so im finally doing a saved minrathous run and like. man treviso is Fucked. so far all its got me thinking is more how the decision is often save real people you can attach a face to now vs not knowingly let a power rise that will destroy tjousands of lives you might never even see. cuz it os Rough seeing the state of the crows n such but i dont think its much Worse than what happens to the dragons, you just don't get to see much of that because things are so bad they can't even stay in their base anymore.

also i think like. minrathous isnt looking Great after the dragon ofc but 1. it wasnt looking great Before the dragon bc of the games intro scene which i think makes some of it like. i wont say not hit as hard bc seeing the gallows n rot eveywhere never stops being Rough but. the escalation doesnt feel as big 2. On that note what we see of minrathous vs treviso is pretty different. like yes you can go to the drowned district n stuff but in general rook sees a lot of treviso from a crows eye view. being in dock town area of minrathous the Entire time youre there p much compared to the roofs and whatnot of treviso + a market + very little if of their actual slums i think is just. gonna affect the atmosphere of this stuff...

this isnt like. necessarily a da critical post or w/e i'm just musing on the vibes of each. if i were to adjust things, i think seeing a bit more of the interrim with the shadow dragons stuff would help it set in more? idk. the factions shouldnt all have the same vibe and i don't think that like. i think a lot of the decision works as is because a lot of the stuff with tevinter seems to be that people kind of think its already evil and doomed so nobody does anything to help it grow into something better cuz whats the point. the shadow dragons are there daring to hope to make it better and without them minrathous (& likely other parts of tevinter cuz i have no reason to believe theyre Only operating out of minrathous) falls back into its worst self. idk its 5 am none of my thoughts are going anywhere

[snekdood]

i think ppl were hoping me becoming poor would make me as bitter as they are but... nah

[soulmatesinc-if]

argh how DARE you write Wyatt to be exactly my type. i just discovered this IF like hours ago but im already hooked LOL

but fr the writing is amazing, ive tried making the "choose your own adventure" type thing for a class before and i didnt even finish it because it was incredibly time consuming (no clue how im passing with an A-, i never finish anything) so i have a lot of respect for you. also ive recently discovered my love for sci-fi stories and yours scratches my nerd brain. really excited for the next update!

The secret here is that Wyatt was engineered in a lab to be like that 😉🕶🤏

Honestly, seeing a story through is a skill on its own, and developing an idea (or as it often is in my case, a carousel of cool scenes) into a coherent narrative takes considerable effort. And yeah, making a CYOA type of story out of it adds a separate layer of difficulty, which is why I think keeping the scope of the story and options in mind is so important when planning scenes. But it seems like you're figuring it out anyway, and I wish you an exciting creative journey!

[musubiki]

I forgot if you talked abt this, but does the whole "being on the same level as mochi" thing ever come up in honest conversation between them? Seems like an entire...thing that really influences lime's choices when it comes to the main conflict. I would think either some time after mochi's over her initial jealousy, or heck wayyy after they stop the witch king

oooo youre right i dont think ive talked much about it or at all.,... but YEAH a very key part of limes character is his need to be on the same level as her...partly a pride thing, partly a "i dont feel like i have the right to stand beside her unless i can compete with her" thing

(sorry for the long post rambles, apparently i have a lot more thoughts on this than i thought it did)

but actually this comes up WAY sooner, its WAY too big of an elephant in the room post-timeskip to go un-talked about. pre-timeskip lime could kind of quietly work away at trying to be better, but post-timeskip the m-34th thing is too obvious of a flag for mochi to think everything is okay with him

i think the issues really starts to be hashed out when mochi, at some point (relatively quickly after they reunite), brings up the notion of him quitting the m-34th. to an extent she understood why he joined, he gave her a bunch of reasons why he joined the regiment in the first place (jumping around a bunch of excuses like "They have good benefits" / "I was bored" / etc before finally telling her the truth that "I wanted to find you"), but what she didnt understand is why he stays in

she gave it a bit of time, they went through the whole "well you left me" vs "you joined the organization that exists to kill us" -> "call it even, water under the bridge" thing, and she thought that after a few weeks (months?) he would quit and just be part of her guild again, but he doesnt.

and when she asks him about it, he dodges the question, gives shit answers, dismisses it, a bunch of different things with the underlying message being "I'm not leaving you, but I'm not gonna quit working for them."

and she doesnt want to give him the "choose me or them" ultimatum either (even though pom seems all for it), because 1.) it feels like a shitty thing to do to him, if hes fighting this hard to stay in she doesnt want him to be unhappy, and 2.) shes afraid he might actually choose them

she starts to think a lot of things, that maybe he harbors some bitterness towards her, maybe he doesnt want to put all his eggs in one basket, maybe hes secretly feeding them information on her behind her back, ALL kinds of things.

eventually (and upsettingly) she gets the truth from clarinette. it takes fucking clarinette babbling her mouth away for mochi to get something that she hasnt gotten from lime himself. clarinette (in her delulu) wants to brag a little in the vein of "Haha he confided in me and not in you haha," and mentioned that when she asked him why he stays, he told her "The m-34th makes me stronger" or something along those lines.

and mochis first thought is "I can make him stronger too, he doesnt need to go to them."

and when she CONFRONTS him and tells him this, he gives her a flat "No, you can't." and it FEELS very cold when he says it. she can see the bitterness (bitterness???) behind his eyes when he says it. and its not a bitterness TOWARDS HER, its more of a "I spent 2 years before you left trying everything I could to make myself worthy of you this, and it did nothing. I would take 1 step forward and you would take 5. I'm not going back to that."

so this confrontation became one of those make it or break it conversations for lime, because his only two options were 1) tell mochi the actually pretty embarrassing and pathetic truth, or 2) risk losing her because shes already doubting him enough as it is

i think he probably tries route 2 first though. and whatever it is he tells her, he can see something in her eyes (mistrust? failing faith? fear?) which tells him "Oh no, oh shit, oh god, backtrack you idiot, BACKTRACK!!!" because if he lets this narrative go on for even a few minutes more, hes not going to be able to come back from it.

so he eventually actually does tell her the truth!! and he hates doing it. he really does feel pathetic. its so petty and stupid, he thinks. he shouldnt be trying to compete with the cat witch, hes supposed to be supportive. but he fucking hates being ONLY supportive. he wants to add something, contribute something meaningful, not just be a little accessory/sidekick to mochi.

and (as already mentioned) he cant do that without the m-34th. pre-timeskip he felt useless. and relative to mochi, he was. she wont say it, but she didnt need him. she would reassure him and tell him "You're amazing Lime!" but deep down she knew that after Amanita was dealt with and she was the full-fledged cat witch, she could do all of it on her own (and proves it when she leaves and takes none of them with her). she liked having him there (obviously), but anything he could do she could do better.

he felt like he just took up space, and when she left without telling him or taking him with her, it essentially proved his point. it was not even just a "I dont need you" thing anymore, it was now a "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" and that fucking HURT.

the m-34th though....those guys really honed the shit out of his strengths. on an insane level. they gave him so many skills and tools as a black canvas to do SO MANY THINGS and SO WELL, and maybe this does bring up some resentment to the guild and magic?? that he had so much untapped potential that mochi could just not bring out in an effective way, it essentially bottlenecked him (not her fault, its hard to build the talents of an anti-magic person by using magic).

but these guys...as "bad" as they are (so the witches say), they gave him (and still give him) the power to change that which he hated about himself the most. so that "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" thing can finally FINALLY be met with "Yeah you do, and yeah I fucking can."

so all these feelings manifest as "I won't leave the m-34th because they make me strong enough to stand by your side and not at your feet." AND THEY DO!!!!!! and he probably doesnt say those words directly but everything he DOES say communicates it enough for mochi to see it

(and he probably tells her all of this. she just listens)

so mochi, eventually, understands this. it took the whole pre-timeskip period and some of the post-timeskip period to get there, but she understands him a little more now (and a side of him she didnt know was there). i dont think theres anything she can do to change this aspect of him, but she at least understands his reasons and respects his freedom to pursue that which gives him peace, even if it conflicts with her uh.....occupation (nature?) as a witch. she also can tell him, without any lies or nice little reassurances that "You really are amazing, Lime." in a way she could never be, and he got there on his own, without her. i think shes happy just to know the truth, and know that hes not like betraying her or something. also she probably finds it kinda sweet that he works so hard to stand by her, but tries not to let it go to her head (or her heart) because at least half of it is a lime pride thing and not a mochi love thing

he also throws in a very lime-esq ending on it like "There I said it happy now??? Never make me talk about this again." while completely red-faced. he really does hate this side of himself but he cant help it.

[bookishwithathought]

ACOSF Bonus Chapter Breakdown Part VI - Azriel and Gwyn

Part I - Azriel and Elain

Part II - Azriel and Elain

Part III - Azriel and Rhys

Part IV - Azriel and Rhys

Part V - Azriel and Gwyn

**This is just me, analyzing the life out of the bonus chapter and all the possibilities. My thoughts and no one else's. If you agree, great. If you disagree, love it. If you want to share why you disagree, love it even more. If you are disrespectful while disagreeing, I kindly request that you move along and if you insist you will be left to argue with yourself**

Gwyn is inviting Azriel to banter with her.

Despite Azriel's intense emotions buried underneath, he finds himself having a moment of respite in Gwyn's presence.

Quite the fitting word for what is happening in this scene.

Azriel sleeps with many daggers. Possibilties:

He doesn't feel safe, even with enough killing power to require 7 siphons. Even with centuries of training, experience and enduring pain and suffering. It's as though he can never have enough options with which to protect himself, to cover any vulnerability.

2. He has been trained to always be prepared for any situation.

For most of the series so far, the shadows are either lingering around Az and not engaging with others or they are acting according to Azriel's emotions and reactions. I can only think of one instance where they interacted with another character directly:

From ACOMAF (emphasis mine):

The spymaster had waited in silence. I tried not to look too uncomfortable as he scooped me into his arms, those shadows that whispered to him stroking my neck, my cheek.

Even then, we don't know if they stroked her neck and cheek because of her proximity to Az or because the shadows sought her out of their own accord.

In this case, the shadows are choosing to engage with Gwyn.

{If the shadows are simply manifestations of Azriel's emotions as some claim them to be, then this shows Azriel is intrigued by or curious about Gwyn.}

The imagery of his shadow dancing with her breath: whimsical, a moment of reprieve, of contentedness. Adds a playful mood to the air.

"Like it heard some silent music"

Possibilities:

This is a hint of the mating bond the shadow is detecting

The shadow can sense Gwyn's unknown powers

Gwyn has a beautiful voice and the shadow can sense it in her breath

{For someone who claims to not need to resort to poetry, Az surely seems to be stumbling a bit here.}

He could have stopped the conversation at any point, yet he continues to engage with Gwyn, extending the moment by asking a question in return.

Gwyn is using the mention of the service as a segue to ask Azriel if he sings, not only continuing the conversation but also moving it into a more personal space. If I were to follow her line of thought, it would probably be:

"Yes, though the service was the main highlight."

The service > singing > Shadowsinger > "Do you sing?"

"She angled her head"

Head angling is also known as head tilt, which is considered a micropositive in body language.

Micropositive: the positive small nonverbal cues humans send to each other conveying engagement, rapport, curiosity, support, listening, attention.

This shows genuine engagement by Gwyn.

but...Gwyn managed to surprise Azriel with a personal question.

"I am a shadowsinger"

This statement leaves no room for doubt where Azriel's shadows are concerned. They are a permanent part of Az.

Azriel has come to expect a certain response or reaction to his position, title and abilities. Yet here Gwyn is reacting or responding to him as she would any other ordinary person, which is quite unfamiliar to Azriel and perhaps even refreshing.

Azriel diverts from Gwyn's question with that statement. Gwyn guides his focus back by repeating the question.

By insisting on the question, it's possible Gwyn is trying to find something they share in common. She might be trying to add positive layers to their connection since until now it's mostly been due to the events of Sangravah.

"Azriel couldn't help his soft chuckle"

I think Azriel is someone who feels deeply yet has learned to keep a tight control on his emotions because of all he's endured with his family and as an Illyrian. He is hesitant to even show when he is content, happy or amused. It's always encouraging to see small moments like this, where some of the control is loosened and he can just be in the moment.

Possibilties:

Azriel realizes the conversation is becoming too personal and he wants to keep it surface level

He's too embarrassed to sing in front of Gwyn (or anyone, since we've never read a hint of him singing)

He's still reeling from the night's events and wants to move onto neutral territory

He deflects by leading their encounter into an imprompu sword lesson.

Gwyn reacts in surprise that Azriel would want to watch her

A challenge presented, a challenge accepted: Instead of being embarrassed or afraid to fail in front of Azriel, Gwyn doesn't cower. She rises up to the challenge.

Just as Gwyn training at night gives her focus and distraction, this lesson is giving Azriel focus and distraction. A parallel between these characters.

There are rare moments where Azriel is this open and communicative. One other moment is when he is training Feyre on flying. Training and teaching gives Azriel focus and he seems to genuinely enjoy helping others grow and learn.

Gwyn has seen Azriel at his most merciless, his most ruthless, his most violent, when he arrived in Sangravah and killed every Hybern soldier as she watched it happen. And still, she is treating him as just another familiar person. This is encouraging for her story, that she isn't allowing her traumatic experience to forever inform her life or interactions with the opposite sex.

Gwyn blaming Cassian in a lighthearted manner brings an easiness to the moment, helping both of them relax and be disarmed around each other. We can see this by Azriel laughing openly and Gwyn smiling broadly in response.

The Duchenne smile comes to mind here

TO SETTLE:

Possibilities of "something restless settling in him"

Azriel came to the training ring with very strong emotions, wants and needs and the interaction with Gwyn allowed him time to calm down

Gwyn has the abilitiy, whether by her character or by magic, to make others around her comfortable and restful

Gwyn is his mate and the mating bond on his side has been chafing and restless within him, building in intensity overtime, but now that it has found its way to her it can calm down until it snaps into place. {If this is the case, it makes one wonder if the bond is a living thing. Not necessarily sentient, but rather a living thread pulling both mates together for their whole life, whether the mates accept the bond or reject it.}

The shadows calming, lounging and watching:

This is the first and only time we see the shadows so invested in an interaction between Azriel and another character. As though they want this interaction to happen, or to continue. Or to see how it develops.

Another example of Azriel being considerate.

We see Gwyn's determined nature highlighted here.

It's important to note Gwyn being labeled as a warrior sizing up an opponent through Azriel's POV. This is how he sees her.

I think the focus should be on courage here. Azriel saw Gwyn at her most fragile, then didn't see her for two years while she stayed exclusively in the library. Now here she is, training. That is courageous.

Later in the book, during the Blood Rite, we see her embody definition #1, as well as show vigor and aggressiveness.

Earlier in the passage Azriel notes Gwyn engaged with him irrevently, and now we can see he considers it charming, as a positive quality. In short, he appreciates that she treats him as an equal, as ordinary.

This reminds me of the compositional technique in music of Call and Response.

Link to the article

Possibilities:

Gwyn was singing as she trained, as she is prone to do, and the shadows responded positively to her singing, as they have been since their first interaction

The mating bond is awakening after being dormant, which is why Azriel heard it and the shadows answered.

Azriel is extremely tired and is hearing things

To be continued...

[butterflyboned]

Hi, and welcome to my blog!! My name is Mochi, and this is my manifestation sideblog! I am a 16 year old headmate in a bodily 19, mixed origin collective! I am an age regressor and slide between 2-5 years old, so this account is a very cool blend between babycore, kidcore, and hospitalcore!

I am also a part of the transabled and reality shifting communities and use underground subliminals to manifest different chronic illnesses that I want, as well as reach my ultimate goal of shifting!

This account will be completely immersive RP based on my "permanently hospitalized" desired reality, starting after this gif! Click "read more" if you have questions <3

A little about me! ~ <3

Likes: fuzzy blankets, stuffed animals, toys, the hospital I'm in, pokémon, carebears, my little pony, arthur, lolita fashion, mermaids, fairies, unicorns, fairytales, thunderstorms, animals, nature, most bugs, sanrio, minecraft, TS4, roblox, LDShadowlady, DanTDM, Stacyplays, IHasCupquake, Pocari Roo, PopularMMOs, Aphmau

Dislikes: my chronic pain, cold weather, heat, bullies, homework, spaghetti and similar noodle shapes, peas, face bandages, fruit punch :(

Favorite foods: mochi ice cream (and ice cream/frozen yogurt in general), spicy food, candy, sushi, cheese, caesar salad dressing, fruit, honey, peanut butter, Mac & Cheese, most kinds of pasta, soda, orange juice, cake, cookies, donuts, chicken quesadillas, tacos, nachos, cream cheese wantons, energy drinks, Wendy's, Tim Hortons, Subway

Hobbies: watching movies, listening to music, playing video games, watching YouTube videos, reading stuff on ao3/wattpad, writing, drawing, hiking, witchcraft, and blogging on tumblr ofc!

Physical health problems I have: scoliosis, lupus, raynaud's, cAIHA, rheumatoid arthritis, POTS, hEDS, ME/CFS, PANDAS, asthma, eczema, narcolepsy T2, sexsomnia, PGAD, nyctalopia, and a banana allergy

Disability aids I use: wheelchair, smart crutches, wrist & knee braces, finger splints, AFOs, AAC tablet, communication cards, and compression socks

Fun facts! ~ <3

☆ I have two service dogs and an emotional support cat that are living with me in the LTSCU (long-term special care unit)! They're my best friends :3

☆ I have a gastrostomy tube and an IV port to get proper nutrition and hydration cuz my body is really really bad at it :/

☆ There are ten patients in the LTSCU, including me!

Feel free to send in asks about the unit I'm in, my hobbies, or really anything else you want to talk about! I love to chat online!!

FAQ

🍤 :: What does "trisabled" mean?

🍣 :: Trisabled is a term where an individual is both cis-disabled and trans-disabled! In my case, this means that I am already disabled and chronically ill but wish to acquire more illnesses.

🎀 :: What is reality shifting?

🍣 :: Reality shifting is a spiritual belief in which you can choose any reality within the multiverse to be in at any given time by gaining awareness of your existence in alternate realities and "shifting" there. If you wanna learn more, go check out Reya Singh on YouTube!!

💌 :: But why would you want these things? Being disabled sucks!!

🍣 :: Because I suffer from something called atypical dysphoria! It's similar to gender dysphoria, but regards other things such as age, race, species, and, in my case, health and abilities! This dysphoria can make people feel very stressed, isolated, and lead to suicidal thoughts or extreme attempts to achieve their desired body.

🍩 :: Are you a radqueer/lsdqueer/basedqueer/Xenosatanist/etc.

🍣 :: Nope!

☔️ :: What is your opinion on contact discourse?

🍣 :: I am strictly limi-contact!

🍮 :: I have xxx and you "manifesting" it makes me very uncomfortable!

🍣 :: I understand, and I do apologize if I've upset you! If you'd like to talk about this and find some sort of common ground, then feel free to message me or send in a polite ask! Blocking me is also an option, and I will understand if you choose to do so. Either way, please take care of yourself! <3

🍔 :: Have you tried therapy?

🍣 :: No, and I will not. I have schizotypal personality disorder and complex PTSD (both cis), and I struggle with intense paranoia because of this. Telling a total stranger my most vulnerable parts when they are capable of getting me locked up, abusing me, or putting things on my record that could get me denied life-saving medical care in the future is absolutely out of the question. No shame if you choose to do so, I simply will not be taking part in it.

🍰 :: Why do you post so much stuff about disorder awareness and tips for dealing with it if you don't have these things?

🍣 :: Because it makes me feel very euphoric! Also, because I love everybody who struggles with these disorders and I want to show ally-ship with them and provide support where I am able to <3

🌷 :: Which IDs are trans and which ones are cis?

🍣 :: It's a secret ^w^

Tagging system ~ <3

# crayola! 🖍 ⌇ my posts

# yummy! 🍦 ⌇ asks

# toybox! 🧸 ⌇ hoard

# look what i can do! 🍤 ⌇ shifting

# waow so cool! 🌈 ⌇ disability info

# i did it all by myself! 🍰 ⌇ successful transition

# exit stage left! 🎭 ⌇ ooc posts

# fingerpaints! 🎨 ⌇ transition tips

# silly tunes! 🍮 ⌇ subliminals

# glitter! 🎉 ⌇ visualization

[ikram1909]

OK, since no one is biting the bullet I'll do it. I'll just give a couple of fic recs of each pair, but im not really that well read when it comes to 7 or 5. Also censored de madr** players names just to make sure this doesn't show up in the tags. Ive tried to choose the ones that are mostly plot, but some of them might contain a bit of porn. Please, even if the ships are not ya'lls cup of tea, don't send hate to this authors, they are all very talented. Some of them are a bit dark, I always recommend reading the tags and warnings before starting. If anyone can't find them and wants the links, I can send them in another ask, but I didn't want this to be too long. Also I might not get all the details right in the summaries it's been a while since I read most of them

Pedri/Gavi:

-the people that watch us grow up by cafeliko: it's from Fer's point of view, basically Pedri's mum is sick and Pedri shows up with Gavi in Tenerife without telling anyone he was bringing his "teammate". I think it has a second part but I haven't read it yet.

-the ghost of camp nou by anonymous: Gavi is a ghost from the civil war trapped in Camp Nou and only people who are going to be the greatest legends of the club can see him.

-homesick by anonymous: in this one, if I remember correctly, pedri is a real madrid academy player and he and baby Gavi have to get along in the u15(?) of the national team.

#5/Gavi

-clear by anonymous: very new and very dark, the ship is kinda secondary, its actually about Gavi falling into an abusive relationship with one of flick's physios. Check the tags if you're going to try it.

-curious by anonymous: 5 and gavi have physical therapy appointments in the same clinic and kinda hit it off. There's a second part called curious part2 were Gavi's teammates try to figure out who his secret girlfriend is which is quite funny.

#7/Gavi

-incapable of makin' alright decisions, and havin' bad ideas by thiswasalongwait: I think this is the 100k fic anon said before. I've also read it and it's good. It portrays a toxic dynamic between #7 and Gavi, in which 7 and Florentino want to back Gavi into a corner so he has no option but to join Real Madrid. Includes Xavi slamming 7 against a wall so kudos to that. It's kinda like a thriller i think.

Thank you for your hard work!!! 🙏🥰 Anon who asked before, here you go!

Ps: why the hell does the one with #7 have the most interesting plot damn 😭

[tauforged]

What’s wrong with the voting is a fire extinguisher post? I thought it made a good point…

i’m not going to break it down as verbosely and in-depth as i’d like to because ive got like five minutes left in my lunch break rn but the general idea of “anyone who tries to convince you that structural problems have to be deconstructed to be fixed is The Enemy” (<- almost verbatim a sentence from that post if i’m remembering right), painting those who believe in revolutionary action as irrational extremists and saying shit like “if you think violence is the answer you’ve been radicalized in a Bad Way” it reeks of smug white liberals who wholeheartedly refuse to accept any option that threatens their comfort. these silly people don’t realize that revolution can make things WORSE sometimes uwu!! and the poem itself hinges on such a dogshit metaphor. visualizing ‘the country’ (not explicitly about the US but honestly the attitude speaks for itself) as a burning building with children inside, and that the only options available are ‘spitefully do nothing and watch it burn down’ or voting which is portrayed as the option that instantly puts the fire out. ITS NOT EVEN TRUE! voting has little to no immediate direct real world impact in scenarios like these, and when you’re voting for the people who set the fire and are actively turning away everyone else trying to put it out, the only person your actions serve is yourself! voting in this hypothetical is equivalent to calling the fire department while watching the house burn down from your window across the street and otherwise not lifting a finger to help, not bothering to hold the fire department accountable if they don’t bother to show up or just spray the house down with gasoline instead, and then chastising your other neighbors for attempting to rescue those kids from the burning building or dragging their garden hose over because silly, that’s the firemen’s job! why aren’t you calling 911?? you’re probably an arsonist trying to sow distrust in the fire department so the rest of the neighborhood lets their guard down and you can burn their houses too -_- i’m reporting you for interfering with this rescue operation. like fuck, you know what COULD be symbolized as a fire extinguisher in this stupid fucking metaphor? taking direct fucking action to interfere with the processes keeping the house on fire. grabbing the fire extinguisher you keep in the kitchen and running out there. unreeling your garden hose. bringing a ladder over to try and help the kids get out of the window. someone actively choosing to go in after those kids if the firefighters don’t show fast enough. mutual aid! opening your home to the people whose house just burned down in front of you! supporting your community members who are suffering at the hands of the machine! donate to bail funds! boycott! protest! THREATEN TO WITHOLD YOUR VOTE UNLESS THE POLITICIANS EARN IT!! THATS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF VOTING!!!!! but the truth is that every action that could have immediate beneficial results also holds the potential for immediate consequences, and these people will always value their own comfort over all else, so they convince themselves that the selfish detached option is the only morally correct path and everyone else is just a foreign chaos agent or whatever. it’s just spineless liberalism and clinging to the status quo because it benefits them personally.

[mercifullymad]

yeah i have ocd too and ive been reading your posts + the ask you answered and man i really really feel it. i was in erp for about two years steady, and i was genuinely able to overcome a few of my less severe obsessions that way, to a large amount of relief. but for my most severe thing, a (very visible, facially) brfb obsession/compulsion that has caused me so much strife and social anxiety for years, i got next to nowhere. even when i would manage to go a handful of days without doing it, i would inevitably lapse - and then feel like absolute shit about it, because i felt like i wasn’t strong enough to win this battle i’d been told i’m fighting. since i have some overlapping perfectionism issues, this cycle was just brutal for my self esteem. then my regular erp therapist retired, and ive been meaning to get back into it but the thought just.. exhausts me. but then i also keep brfb-ing myself and still need help with that. but then erp wasn’t really working on it anyway… it’s really left me feeling like i don’t know what to do. so on the one hand i fully agree with what youre saying about how erp is not necessarily the answer to every o/c and that reassurance is not the Worst Imaginable Thing to offer a person with ocd, but unlike some other compulsions that im sure could be lived with, the thought of going through my whole life doing what i do is… hard lol. socially, mentally, physically hard. anyway i dont mean to just vent at you.. i guess my point is that yeah its just so so so frustrating that erp and fighter mentality is treated as kind of the be all end all solution for ocd right now.

like not to sound like a baby but. im not looking for a fight, im looking for help!! and yeah “only i can save me” or whatever but it feels like ocd is kind of underrepresented in the world of mental illnesses that are/can be utterly debilitating. because its nuts that there is kind of no other treatment suggestion for who are really suffering and simply arent - for whatever reason, temporarily or otherwise - the vigilant mentally tough fighters erp recovery models want us to be. and i dont even mean that in a defeatist or deprecating way, i mean like.. sometimes your ocd makes you depressed! and then, what with the depression and all, you just don’t have it in you for what erp demands. im not a psychologist or anything but man there’s gotta be a better a way

I really relate to and empathize with what you’re saying. I also struggle with a BFRB where I pick at my face and other very visible spots on my body, which increases my already-substantial social anxiety. It is an absolutely brutal cycle for self-esteem, including how you feel “defeated” by not being “strong enough” to be a “OCD fighter.” This is another reason why I don’t like the fight(er) framing around OCD; it makes those who don’t respond to ERP in the prescribed way feel like they have failed, rather than there being a morally-neutral mismatch between the treatment and the individual. 

I do want to ensure we don’t fall into the misconception that critiquing ERP or other “gold standard” treatments for OCD means that the only other option is to learn to live with OCD without attempting to alleviate our suffering or cut back on our compulsive rituals. I have tried, as I’m sure you have, a great many things to try and stop myself from picking (badly) at my face: countless fidget toys, thick press-on nails, NAC pills, pimple patches and hydrocolloid band-aids, reducing my anxiety levels, avoiding mirrors, etc. I doubt I will ever completely eliminate my urge to pick, but I can pick and choose (ha) from what treatments, therapies, and means of harm reduction I find most effective in combination with each other. I can try lots of different things and see what works for me and what doesn’t. And this approach — going in with the assumption that many things won’t work for me, and some will, and neither of those results is a moral reflection of how hard I’m “fighting OCD” — allows me to have a more compassionate and forgiving relationship to myself and my picking. 

You really nail my own feelings when you say “I’m not looking for a fight, I’m looking for help.” This framing of requiring mad/mentally ill people to be “fighters” in order to receive help/treatment is extremely counterintuitive for those of us too depressed to muster up the energy to “fight.” One of the reasons I stopped structured ERP was because I was too depressed to get out of bed, let alone go out into the world and do daily exposures. Like most of the mental health treatment industry, this treatment is not structured for people seriously struggling in more than one area, despite the fact that most people do. 

I agree that there has to be a better way to treat/heal from/live with OCD than the limited options we’re given now, and I believe that creating these “better ways” starts with conversations like this one: talking, sharing, and brainstorming with other mad people and forging new ways of relating to each other and ourselves. I sincerely hope that you’re able to hold compassion for yourself, regardless of whether you “lapse” in picking, and that you’re able to access means of treatment that work best for you as an individual. This is an extremely difficult thing to live with, but thankfully, we don’t have to live with it alone — there is a community ready to commiserate and create with you, regardless of how “successful” you are at “fighting” OCD.

[navysealt4t]

hi blue (explodes in your ask box)

i provide letters with the intent of seeing your opinion on fandom things, please enlighten me

I / O / S / Z

thank you 🙏

HAUNNTT HI

I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why

not really? for the most part its just made me get deeper into fandom lol. like ive started reading botw fics bc of the tumblr fandom and its been very fun

O - Choose a song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of

ooo i shuffled my liked songs and got the song "after the war" by reinaeiry and. :( it reminds me of lizzie and ayva if they had gotten the chance to be together without any pirate or navy bullshit . oughhh now im sad :( they are so tragic like waghhhh i know u dont know them but. shaking my lil gremlin hands at you they were so in love and ayva just haunts riptide's story sm i love them... daily propaganda go watch jrwi riptide for tragic lesbians..... :(

on the other hand it could totally be about albatrio or polypirates. wagh.

oh and speaking of lizzie/ayva cafe 1930 is a them song. it has no words but. them.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

RANDOM HEADCANON TIMES jay was taught the flute & violin as a kid and while she can play them super good she prefers playing random chords on the ukulele that sound good together :]

gillion he/she and neos pronoun user i will die on this hill sorry . speaking of this genderfluid chip & trans girl jay always. and butch edyn

chip loves singing he sings so much random words while he's doing chores and singing sea shanties arlin taught him or singing ollie to sleep. jay teases him endlessly about the lullabies he sings to ollie

animal lover jay is canon but. she loves animals so much. just adores them so much she will pet any animal that comes up to her she doesn't care about rabies. she's tried to make them get a pet other than pretzel so many times. im sooooo tempted to write a fic where jay smuggles a cat on board and yes it will be navyseal

jay loves sketching like mundane scenes in her life rlly colorfully and dramatic and with a lot of meaning behind it. like u know that one drawing that's like "i realized something about human connection but im too drunk to write it so i drew it" ??? thats how she draws. she dips her toes in landscapes :)

gill loves drawing ppl. his family, his sister, random ppl on the street, etc etc !!! he has gotten really good since when he first started but he goes through random bouts of self doubt where he refuses to draw

chip doodles random shit really and he does it on EVERY piece of paper he can find the corners of their map is covered in tiny doodles. these include angry doodles of niklaus looking very mischievous and pretzel with a big knife.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)

I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING BUT UUHHHHH OH im working on a thingy that im hoping to turn into a youtube video :DD basically i love the game unpacking and the way it tells it's story is phenomenal and the casual representation and the art style and music and relatability and everything about the game is amazing !!!! i have been doing so much research and typing in google doc im so excited to get working on it :3 ive played the game at least 10 times i lveo it. this is fan related bc i am a fan and i say so <3

[waywardgardenfury]

i (now) use arch btw

after a few months of not posting anything here, i finally managed to get arch working with awesomewm :)

initially when i tried a few months back, it was going fine until i could no longer hear audio for some reason lol. after searching for a solution i eventually gave up and retreated back to mint for the time being. after getting my infamous itch to just nuke everything and start again, i reinstalled arch and tried once again and i gotta say, its been going REALLY well.

the first time i ever attempted an install of arch (before archinstall was a thing) i somehow forgot to install a network manager and therefore couldnt really do much else. i really enjoyed setting it all up manually, but the fact that in the end i didnt really have it working was very annoying. the next time around, archinstall was there to back me up and its made everything so much easier!!! for me its broken down the barrier of entry significantly. i simply chose the desktop setup i wanted, and it chose the relevant packages. i went with a window manager rather than a full desktop environment this time around, more specifically awesomeWM. i wanted to go with something more bare-bones and configure it from the ground up so i could learn what sort of packages go into a full de. in addition people often talk about how much more efficient they find using wms, both productivity and resource wise. i see why! my entire operating system on boot uses like <500mb of ram, which is baffling that its possible. plus, the use of shortcuts of navigating around has been great.

i ended up going with awesome as nvidia has been absolutely the biggest issue with this whole process. for some reason my graphics card just HATES wayland which eliminates some options off the bat. ive had soo many issues in the past with it, so trying to use xorg is probably my best bet going forward and luckily its still a very popular choice, no shortage of resources for me. i did have a few issues setting it up on arch, as i wasnt really familiar with how to configure it at first but getting nvidia-settings it made it much easier for me for now.

pacman was an interesting change to get used to. discovering that it didnt have some packages that i have usually was interesting, but then shortly i discovered the aur and yay. it opened me up to a wide range of new packages that werent even on some of the package managers i had tried previously, like dnf and apt. in contrast to those, i found pacman and now yay much easier and incredibly fast to use. there just becomes more and more reasons to use arch every time i open it haha.

one of the things i havent got around to choosing is a file manager. having to navigate my files entirely by terminal has helped build the muscle memory of commands i didnt know before. plus may even be faster than i found previously? i may get around to setting up some aliases if i feel like i could shorten some tasks. using cli packages in terminal over graphical packages has helped me to learn git some more as well, which im sure will be useful for me in the years to come. in regards to the terminal too, im looking into switching to zsh instead of bash which i currently dont know what the difference is between shells or what they do exactly but ill find out.

i have only been using arch consistently for a few days at this point. and awesome is still pretty ugly, so the next task for me is to spice it up a bit with some theming. i dont have much, if any, experience with lua, which apparently is the language that awesome uses to write its dotfiles (also took me a minute to learn what dotfiles actually were). the last time i used lua was probably in roblox studio at like the age of 10 or something, so its been a while. i have a few articles and videos lined up that i need to watch for an introduction, so i already have an idea of where to start. with that said however, if anyone has any advice or tips send them my way!

now the obvious question for myself after this is what project am i actually going to do next? i want to actually develop software but i find it extremely intimidating. so there are a couple options for me going forward. one of the big ideas in my mind is developing a longer form game project in godot. i have developed smaller projects in the past to get used to the engine, but i want to try my hand at doing something over the course of multiple weeks. i have poor time management skills and tend to get sidetracked with other projects but i really want something i can chip away at every day for a few hours. and i think a game could be just that! plus, it gives me a creative outlet as well. i can make the music and art for that and combine a few hobbies into one.

arch & awesome has been definitely an interesting change to get used to, but it has been so fun! learning how to do everything myself has been what i have been craving and every day i regret abandoning windows less and less. i cannot sing the praises of linux and its community enough for scratching my brain in the right places! at some point i want to make a post detailing my full journey with linux, so keep an eye or two out for that.

if anyone wants to talk with me about any of this feel free to send me a message! dms are always open :)

[cepheusgalaxy]

now, let's think more ab logistics and praticality so i can figure out what trainee's uniforms look like lmao:

Most works describe the trainee uniform as a fit of white shirt and black shorts. It is agreed that it includes a tight collar as well, which is commonly, for whump purposes, a shock collar

with that info, we can raise a few questions for clarification: do they wear shoes? are the shorts loose or tight? what about for the shirt? and is its collar more open or tighter? is the wru logo visible somewhere? in the shirt? in the shorts? in the collar?

Shorts: I think that if they are tight like polyester gym shorts it's better coz the whumpees do a lot of exercise right? I mean, doing exercises in tactel shorts is also fine but according to my quick google search polyester is pretty much cheaper than tactel or cotton 🤔 so i suppose WRU would want to maximice gains so it makes sense to choose the cheaper option. I don't know much about fabrics though ;) I will try a few doodles with a logo on it and a few different variations on cut and details and shit but that should be it.

Shirt: Since it's white, it would have to be something that doesn't stain easily ig. I tried googling what fabrics are easiest to clean blood of BUT i also realizes that bleaching them would work just as well. Now that i think about it that's probably why they're white lol. That aside, I think the shirts need to: A. Identify the trainees (which is easy coz theyre also wearing colors lol); B. Be easy to measure so generic sizes must work since they're prob doing these en masse. So probably something with loose sleeves and a wide collar? And also making a wide collar makes the Drawn (TM) part less cluttered and clearer. So probably that. Now, about a logo... I quit trying to make one myself, since there are a few people in the community who already did 🙏, so we only have to choose about the placement. That can be arranged with a few iterations.

Collar: We know it's a shock collar. We know it's tight. I assume it's black, bc it'd look good with the white + black fit they already have going on, and I think it'd be pretty nice if it was fucking Big. Like very thick. I googled a few references and I now have an idea of how they look like but I wanted a little logo on it AS WELL but i think ive figured out where to put it

Shoes: Hmmmm, I doubt it. Socks, maybe? I'll see. If yes, perhaps gray or dark ones. Whites would stain too much.

[unwantedcarssydney]

What Is the Process for Cash for Car Services?

While purchasing a new car is always an exciting time, you also need to consider what will happen to your current vehicle after the purchase. When the time comes to sell your old car, you'll have a few options to choose from, like trading it in at a dealership or selling it privately for a higher price. Cash for cars in Dee Why and other places is one of these options. This post will go into great detail to answer any questions you may have about how the cash-for-cars service operates!

Know the services that offer cash for cars

Finding the right buyer will be just as challenging when selling a car privately, even though the sale price will be higher. Selling a car privately will undoubtedly take longer than trading it in, mainly due to the constant enquiries from low-ball hunters. Consider a cash-for-car service near St. Ives and other locations as an alternative if you don't want to spend weeks selling your car and don't want to sell it at a dealership for a low price.

Old cars that are no longer safe to drive on our roads are typically purchased in cash for car services. Cars that are damaged and cannot be registered for use on public roads are also covered by these services. The company's primary business plan is to disassemble the aforementioned vehicles and use the remaining metal bodies for scrap.

Typically, cash for cars in St. Ives and other locations will tow the vehicle from the point of sale to the yard. Occasionally, though not often, automobile owners bring their vehicles to the yard. Cars stacked up in rows, waiting to be scrapped, are a very common sight. Rebuilt and salvaged parts are kept in warehouses by certain cash businesses and are available for purchase. Scrapyards can recycle over 80% of any given car, which is how cash-for-car services run their businesses.

Cash for Cars services are authorised to purchase written-off or unregistered vehicles. There is very little chance that your unregistered or written-off car would be successfully sold if you tried to sell it privately. The same is true for cars with minor damage. You won't find anyone willing to pay for an automobile involved in an accident. Cash for cars near Dee Why and other regions, on the other hand, is genuinely interested in your unwanted car.

Selling recycled auto parts: While some parts taken out of an old car may require refurbishment, the majority of the parts are still functional. Cash for Cars services may choose to sell these parts directly to customers or through a specialised used-parts sales component.

Scrap Metal: Following the extraction of all the car's functional components, the body of the vehicle—which is primarily made of steel and aluminium—is sold to designated facilities for further recycling.

We hope you enjoyed reading this blog; thus, share it with your loved ones!

[fusion360]

The Emotional Reset You Need!

Reaching a point of emotional exhaustion will cripple you mentally, physically, and emotionally. You need an emotional cleanse or to hit the dynamic reset button before you experience depression. Axxis Wellness can be the ideal place for you to reset than restrategize and meet the world from a refreshed perspective.

Why Do You Need an Emotional Reset?

When you struggle with anxiety or depression, sometimes the most straightforward and minor things can feel overwhelming. At the end of the day, you feel like you are carrying a heavy load from which you need to unburden yourself. You wake up the next day and repeat the process until you get to a point where you can no longer take it, and you need an outlet. Emotional baggage can make you lose sight of who you are or your direction in life.

An emotional reset will allow you to calm down after unburdening and reestablishing your goals, motivation, and what matters to you. Using Ketamine will help with depression and rejuvenate you. Facilities like Axxis Wellness can help you get that emotional reset you need.

The Advantage of an Emotional Reset

If you are not sold on the idea yet, hitting the emotional reset using Ketamine presents you with many advantages that will improve your life. For instance;

• Once you clear your mind, you can quickly recalibrate your life's direction

• You will be able to make better and more informed decisions

• You learn to appreciate smaller milestones

• You neutralize your stress hormones and restore a sense of connection and ease

• You will also develop a calm psychological state which helps you learn to handle triggers

• Provides help with depression, stress, and anxiety issues

Why Choose Ketamine 

When you have tried all other options to deal with your stress yet end up in the same place every other day, Ketamine is an option to help with depression, stress, and anxiety. For more information on IV ketamine treatments with Axxis Wellness, visit https://axxiswellnesscenters.com/. 

[emeritus-moon]

{ENGLISH} Sodo (Dewdrop) x Male!Reader

Request : WattPad Request

Gender : Male

Who : Sodo (DewDrop)

A/N : Here you go with this Sodo x Male!Reader! I'm really sorry, I made you wait... I was expecting something better from me but I managed to make something pretty nice! I didn't know what to choose for a fight with Sodo, so I chose a funny thing with Copia and then, the idea was built little by little! I hope you enjoyed <33

- - - : Timeskip

~ ~ ~ : Flashback

- - -

A new day begins in the abbey. The whole building is pretty quiet, only the footsteps of the sisters are heard with a few chatters here and there.

Only, this usual calm is cut by the sound of mud breaking. This noise resonates in the corridors and surprises all people passing near the room from which the sound source comes.

Inside this room are the Ghouls. Usually the band is having fun or training for the various Ghost Band Tours. But today, a completely different atmosphere takes place.

DewDrop finds himself crouched on the oak table in the hall, exposing his sharp teeth menacingly towards you, ready to pounce on you at any moment.

On your side, you turn to him again, leaving the vase, which he tried to throw at you earlier, with his eyes. Your gaze illustrates the bitter anger that has awakened in you. This anger that you have always felt towards Sodo.

Why were you mad at the Ghoul? Well... The male actually always hated you. And this, since your arrival in the abbey. You never knew why he couldn't stand you, and you still don't know today...

You and DewDrop can't take their eyes off each other. The other Ghouls then notice the momentum Sodo begins to build, ready to strike.

Instantly, as the Ghoul prepares to attack you, Mountain and Aether lunge at him, holding him back from doing more damage than before.

"- Enough, Sodo! You both have done too much!

- Don't complain about having problems with Sister Imperator or Papa..."

You mock the words of Aether and Mountain, staring at them with an annoyed expression :

"- Papa won't say much... He's not Primo, Secundo or even Terzo. Not even Papa Nihil! I remind you that it's Copia."

The female Ghouls, who from the beginning stay in the back of the room, look at each other and nod when they then turn to you as Cirrus validates your words :

"- Y/N is not wrong... We will say that... Copia is a little more open than the previous Dads.

- That doesn't prevent him from getting angry whenever he wants. There Dew, you smashed his favorite stupid vase he set up three days ago."

Everyone turns to Swiss who shrugs before throwing his hands up innocently :

"- All I want to say is that you're in deep shit Sodo. And you too Y/N.

- Me!?

- Dewdrop wasn't fighting alone."

You sigh in defeat and turn your back on Swiss. You know he's right, but you don't want to own it. After all, it was Sodo who had been looking for him!

Aether and Mountain bring Sodo down from the table and as calm slowly begins to return, the front door slams open, taking all of the Ghouls by surprise a bit except for Swiss, who raises his finger and stands. from :

"Five, four...

- What happened here?

- Three, two... One...

- My vase!!"

Everyone stops doing anything in the room, never knowing how Copia will react. Knowing that he is very attached to his strange business that only he loves under this roof.

The former Cardinal rushes towards the shattered object before turning to his Ghouls, the larger pieces of the vase in his gloved hands.

"- Who is responsible for this mess, finally?"

Swiss comes out with his hands in his pockets and quickly the girls follow him. Then the other Ghouls come out. It's just you and Sodo with Copia. You stand there staring at Papa IV's vase.

You walk hesitantly towards him. Not knowing what to say, you chose the option: to apologize. You kneel in front of Dad and pick up the few remaining pieces on the ground:

"- I'm sorry Papa... It wasn't voluntary. If necessary, we'll give you another one.

- Aaaah, Amico! You know I cared about that vase! It was unique and more... I had it done!

- I know.. And again, I'm sorry. The next one will surely not replace him, but we will take one back."

Seeing that Copia remains rather calm about the situation despite his disappointment, Sodo begins to back away, telling himself that the former Cardinal thinks it's only your fault.

Unfortunately for him, the last Dad turns in his direction without really looking at him :

"-DewDrop?"

Copia's voice causes the Ghoul to stop instantly. He looks again at the man crouching in front of the debris before advancing a few slow steps towards him.

"- Papa..?

- I guess if Y/N broke my vase, it's not alone?

- Are you accusing me?

- Oh please... Don't take me for a uomo stupido. You fight regularly and it's not the first time that such a mess has been made."

Sodo sighs, dropping his arms to his sides as he stares away from you and Copia, annoyed at the situation.

Papa IV gets up, still with the debris of the vase in his hands. He grabs an empty fruit basket which is placed on the table of the room to deposit the broken pieces there.

Having picked up the remains on your side, you do the same as Copia as the man speaks again :

"- Know that even if I care about you, even if I am less severe than your previous Dads, you will not come out unscathed from this stupidity."

You and Sodo exchange eye contact, eyes widening, as you wonder what lies ahead. You both turn to Papa, who raises a finger in the air, like a parent scolding his children.

"- I want you to clean this whole room for me. And when I say everything, it's not to be taken lightly! Floor, furniture, windows, everything! And you're lucky that I don't ask you not the whole Abbey!"

While you sigh like sulky children, Copia moves away from you before stopping at the doorstep. He looks in your direction again while he makes strange, exaggerated signs with his hands.

"- Now I'm going back to work. And I want this room to be clean when I get back! Hop hop hop!"

With these last words, the former Cardinal leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

Sodo turns to you, a dark look fixed on your silhouette.

"Don't look at me like that. We've got something to clean up, Dewy."

The Ghoul grunts as you walk past him, running out of the room to get some cleaning supplies from the saddler in the kitchen.

Dewdrop follows you anyway, muttering incomprehensible words under his breath.

- - -

Once back in the big room, you approach the windows, a bucket of water with glass cleaner in your hands and a dishcloth holding on your forearm.

Sodo just watches you do it, holding a dustpan and a classic broom in his hands in addition to a packet of wipes.

You sit on the edge of one of the windows after opening it before turning to Sodo :

"- Well... as agreed, I take care of the windows and you take care of the floor and the furniture.

- "As agreed"? You agreed that alone! You didn't even ask my opinion!

- Do you want to clean the windows which are tricky to do? You want to clean the windows so that when the next rain comes they'll be horribly dirty and you'll be frustrated? I think you'd rather skip it, right? Say I'm doing you a favor.

- A favor, hmpf..."

Dewdrop turns his back to you, going across the room to start getting rid of the dust. As for you, you roll your eyes before starting your window cleaning.

- - -

A few hours have passed.

After Dewdrop finished dusting and cleaning the furniture and you finished washing the windows, you made the floor more clean with soap and water.

Now you are seated on the benches around the table, patiently awaiting Copia's return.

Finally... "patiently". It's a big word because it's been a while since you finished your cleaning. The ground has had time to dry, and Papa Emeritus IV is still not there. You start to lose patience.

Refusing to get upset easily, you decide to try a simple conversation with Sodo, trying to lighten the mood and keep you busy until Papa arrives.

"- Uhm... It wasn't so bad cleaning up with you.

- What?

- I mean... Did you see it? We didn't argue, we didn't fight. It's not so bad?"

Sodo just shrugs. At least he didn't pull a nasty head, nor insulted or yelled at you. You take that as a good point.

"- The furniture is clean... You did a good job there.

- Of course... I didn't want to stay there very long so- I had to do it right."

You nod. You lay your head on the palm of your hand, searching for a new topic of discussion but to no avail.

A small start takes you when the Ghoul speaks again :

"- It wasn't bad on your part either...

- Are you paying me a compliment?

- Y-you made me one too technically!

- A-a compliment!? For you!? No way!

- You're lying to yourself!

- So are you!"

You point fingers at each other like kids. Realizing you were starting an argument and on top of that for something stupid again, you turn away from each other, deciding not to say anything more and not even look at each other.

Several minutes have passed and Copia is still not there.

You turn towards the door, wondering if it will open with a Copia crossing its threshold or not.

"- Papa really takes his time."

This time, you don't get an answer from Sodo.

You turn to him again and look at him curiously. The Ghoul crossed her arms on the table and rested her head on them. One could almost say that he can fall asleep at any time.

"- Sodo?

- Hmm...

- I have a question..

- If it's too boring, don't look, then think carefully about what you're going to ask me, Y/N."

You take a long but discreet breath before exhaling and asking :

"- Why do you hate me?"

At these words, Sodo freezes.

His hands gripped his arms forcefully. You're pretty sure he could sink his claws into it, even through his black shirt.

"I told you to think carefully about your question.

- Excuse me if this upsets you. But I really need to know...

- That much?

- You hate me and I don't know why, the others don't tell me anything when I ask them when they seem to know! It concerns me, I have the right to know, right?

Dewdrop doesn't look at you.

In fact, he looks at the wall to his left, preferring to observe the paintings that are hung there rather than the person sitting in front of him.

With a sigh, you stand up. Sodo turns to you, looking at you with furrowed brows and also with a hint of curiosity.

"- What the hell are you doing?

- I go out. You can see that Papa isn't coming back. He must have forgotten us. And I can't stay with someone like you who can't even sympathize or even explain to me what's wrong!"

Fists clenched, you lose patience and start heading for the exit.

As you reach for the door, your wrists are gripped by two strong hands. You don't have time to realize what's going on until your body is pinned against the wall.

By realizing, you meet the gaze of the Ghoul present in the same room as you. You swallow hard as you try to struggle.

"- Get off me! Damn, what do you think you're doing!?

- Do you want to know why I hate you!?

- Why!?"

Dewdrop pins your wrists above your head with one hand as he grabs your chin between two fingers with another. While doing all this, his piercing eyes never leave yours.

You breathe heavily as you stare at him as well.

"- You are a man, that's all."

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

Your breathing calms down as you try to figure out what's wrong with you being a man.

"Because I'm human, don't you like me?

- You don't understand..."

His grip on your wrists loosens, but he won't let you go. His hand that held your chin a few moments ago rests on your hip.

Sodo lets out a sigh.

"- By man, I'm not talking about your species... You're a male, Y/N.

- A-and...? There are "male" ones in this Abbey, so I don't see where the problem comes from-

- The problem is that I'm attracted to you, idiot."

A heavy calm sets in and you don't know what to say.

You stare at the Ghoul in front of you, speechless and the creature is still staring at you. Only this time, shame and guilt are reflected in his gaze.

However, Dew' gathers his courage in both hands and continues :

"- You attract me a lot... And it's so bad...

- What's wrong with loving the same sex, Sodo..? You know it's not forbidden here, and Papa is completely open about it.

- But Sister Imperator, and our reputation... Plus- the fact that you are a male human too... We would be too badly seen...

- Dewdrop, don't you dare repeat those sentences to me. In Hell either.

- If I were to love you as I wish, I would break you!"

As Sodo's grip on your wrists is weaker, you manage to free them. You then cup his face in your hands and stare deeper into his eyes.

"- So with all this anger and so-called 'hate'... you just wanted to protect me?

- If you want to understand it like that...

- That's how I understand it, Sodo. And know that it doesn't matter what other people think, it's what you feel... It's your emotions, not anyone else's, so it's up to you."

Dewdrop hardly swallows his saliva. His eyes close as he mutters a simple "shit". Raising his gaze to you, he grabs your face as you hold his and presses his lips to yours.

His cold mask makes contact with your face, but you don't mind that much.

Sodo writes down what you told him a few moments ago and quickly, he doesn't hold back anymore. He presses you against the wall a little more, kissing you more passionately and not wanting to be separated from you for even a second.

Only, Satan decided otherwise.

As you lose yourself in your ecstasy, the door opens and a cry of surprise snaps you out of your reverie :

"- Oh, Satana, my apologies!!"

You look in the direction of the entrance to the room to find Copia hiding his eyes. The man searches for the doorknob and once he grabs it, he gives you a few hand signals before saying :

"- I-I'll check tomorrow for the room! I hope it's well cleaned! In the meantime, go and find a room!"

With these words, Papa leaves the room, leaving you both alone again.

You turn to Sodo and he does the same. You both stare at each other for a moment before laughing. Dewdrop stops his laugh and straightens up, still staring straight at you.

"- Where were we?"

A bead of sweat runs down your temple as you laugh again, but nervously this time.

You're gone for a long night with your Ghoul, dear!

[kingdoms-and-empires]

I chose the OP option (because I can't decide which stats I wanna focus on 😭) and I developed a little head canon to explain why my character is good at everything. In his former life he was less than OP. He was one of those people who have potential, but never applied himself, out of a mixture of laziness, procrastination, and a crippling fear of failure! When he died he was extremely disappointed in himself. He always figured that he'd pull himself together in the future, but now he's dead and he never achieved anything he wanted, other than gathering some useless facts (like maybe ancient technology such as the treadwheel crane perhaps 👀). When he got his second chance he decided he was gonna make full use of it. The instant he was able to comprehend the language of the world and was able to read, he'd sneak books and accelerate his education through reading things someone as young as him shouldn't understand. He also would go through physical training, again in secret, and watch the guards train in swordsmanship in hopes of picking something up. Since for years he had little to no responsibilities, and the mind of an adult, he has been able to devote almost all his time to developing his mind and body

TL;DR: my MC went from a procrastinator to a try hard and it payed off

Nice headcanon!

i think alot of people would be similar if they had their old memories and would give themselves a strong head start

Its really interesting to think about how you'd really act in a similar situation to the MC as you yourself.

The MC is canon to be "good" from the start, and its up to the player to choose how the MC progresses over time...honestly the best reincarnation works ive seen out there arent the traditional Isekai protag animes, its actually works that deal with a woman being reincarnated or isekai'd. Either a reincarnated villainess trope, or general isekai trope work, the ones with female leads are generally better in my opinion since it usually aint a power fantasy

Eh idk where i went with all this but it was fun to think about haha, so thanks!

Oh, some of my favorite anime that deal in reincarnation and isekai with female leads or kingdom simulators in general that do it well with male or female leads are these:

Fuuuuuck youre making me break out my old bookmarks and im seeing my mangas are now updated with new chapters...dozens of new chapters!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA STOP WRITING AND READ INSTEAD

This one has adorable art that I feel in love with as the MC starts as a baby lol, and the MC is competent, which is really nice

The MC is alright, she tries doing stuff to get out of shitty circumstances but the real highlight of the story are the titular Monster Duchess and her husband. Nooo idea how it is now but theres literally double the chapters now from where i left of and im so tempted to read lolololol

OMFGGGGG I FORGOT ABOUT THIS!! This is a fav of mine since it deals with the cinderella story! The MC is a reincarnated chick who plays as the evil stepmother in cinderella's story, but omfg its such a good twist on the trope and it really does alot of things well, and THERES SO MANY NEW CHAPTERSSSSSS

YOOOOOOOOOO I forgot this one too lmaoooo ima bad fan haha

Anyways, this is another great subversion of the reincarnating trope since the MC is on her THIRD reincarnated life, and she actually conquered EVERYTHING in her second life. But she got betrayed and killed by people and she said mannnnnn fuck this, ima get hitched with the dude who was nice to me in my old life and never asked for shit! And so begins a funny as romance story lol, GOD DAMN AND THEYRE ON THE SECOND SEASON NOOOOOOW

Someone either here or on Discord recommended this to me, and whoever did so, I love you! This is a weirdly realistic take on the historical figures of the Sengoku period having to deal with this weird girl who appears to have come out of nowhere but knows a bit of practical modern knowledge that helps Oda Nobunaga win some victories. Honestly, i really appreciate how grounded it is for a manga! The truth of the matter is, we really wouldnt be able to do that much if we were in her shoes either lol!

Bruhhhh when i tell you i squealed when i saw how many chapters this has now! Without a doubt, this is my favorite! The MC is hyper competent, she uses her femineity to her advantage and doesnt fight against it like other works do when they wanna show their female lead "isnt like other girls", and shes honestly such a joy to watch running circles around other people that screwed her over in her past life. Read this one for sure!!!!

Another competent female lead how got reincarnated and has to survive death flags by marrying one of the romance options, but the world system keeps screwing her over and its funny to see how she has to navigate trying to romance obviously shitty romance options who sound really hot (like the enemies to lovers trope would NOT be easy in real life lmao) or (the crazy mfer who makes you scared but horni)

Read this and then decide if you'd survive lol

AHGHGHGHHHH This is so good!!! Basically a girl has to become the stepmother to children how are close in age to her. She tries to do things her own way at first, but she dies. So she gets reincarnated and tries to do better the second time around. If you wanna read a good female lead doing introspection and learning from her past mistakes, read this. Its really good!

Alrighty. This is honestly a guilty pleasure, and should really be read after reading alot of villainess or female lead reincarnation manga to basically cleanse your palate with this funny ass story lol. Instead of playing by the rules of society like the previous stories, the main character does "not like other girls" very well and its enjoyable to watch lol! Use it once you get tired of the previously mentioned ones!

Annnnnnd that's it! Thank you for making me out myself lmaooooo