#which is why i love that my partner gets it ive had ppl who say im cheating like no i just...s. mean it in an appreciative way

[themindelectricdemo4]

i got a new roommate thre other went aaway..........she is so wonderful & nice to me. her name is very cute too. she is epic hope hses hanving a fangtastic week

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "unknowingly" cheating on my girlfriend?

🤍🍇 so i recognize post

preface: yes i am, theres no excuse, i just want to hear more ppl's thought because different ppl in my life have very different opinions on this??? even though i think cheating is cut and dry?

earlier this year, i (20nb, tho i was 19 at the time) was in a purely monogamous relationship with my ex (19f). there were ups and downs, i had some issues that i really shouldve talked to her about, but overall it was the best experience. id never dated anybody before. she's the only person who ive ever loved in that way. i think shes the best person, funny, smart. i was really lucky to have her.

i have another friend, who i'll call H (21f), who has been my friend for years. we're really close, and we've shared a lot with each other. i also love her deeply, though in a different, entirely platonic way. she has told me that she loves me, and has loved me in romantic ways, even though i've never reciprocated (im fine with that, everyone in my main friend group is a little bit polyamorous).

there were two main incidents that happened between me and H. the first, i didnt really understand what was going on or that it was entirely wrong. we were cuddling, which i do with all of my friends, and she started getting really into it and getting on top of me. she asked if she could kiss me (on the lips) and i said no, partly because, well, i had a monogamous partner, and partly because i hate kissing on the lips. i probably shouldve entirely cut it off at that moment. my only excuse (which is pretty flimsy) is that, im kinda aroace so physical affection and the difference between platonic and romantic have always left me a little confused. i kinda thought this was normal, especially because H is polyamorous and in several relationships that heavily blur the lines between platonic and romantic.

then, about two weeks after that, H and i hung out again, but this time we were smoking marijuana. weed makes me highly suggestible and also incapable of remembering anything past about five seconds. not that im blaming the drugs, just describing the situation. basically, H and i were cuddling again when she decided to move on top of me and got flirty, with a lot of touching sensitive places for the purpose of getting a reaction (all above the belt). i went along with this because i respect H, ive known her for a long time, and i didnt want to say no to her. again, not an excuse, because she didnt force me to do it.

in the moment, i didnt think this was cheating. we werent doing anything explicitly sexual, we weren't making out, but we were definitely frisky and i know H was horny at the time. a couple hours later, when i sobered up, i suddenly realized what we had done and asked H if i had just cheated on my girlfriend. she also seemed to realize what had just happened and we agreed that i had cheated, that it was entirely wrong, and we should never do it again.

i decided to tell my ex about this immediately, because i thought she should know. i asked if she was in a position to hear bad news, and when she was, i was completely honest. she obviously didnt take it well, mentioning how she felt like she could never trust me again despite being the person she trusted most in the world. she loved me but this was unacceptable and a huge violation. i agreed, and after a bit of thinking, i told her that i thought we should break up. i had terrible guilt about what i'd done and assumed that we'd never recover, and it didnt seem like she could pull the plug, so i did.

she proceeded to get even more mad at me because of this, which in hindsight is completely understandable. from her perspective, i had just dropped two emotional bombs on her, and maybe i was implying that i liked H more than her. i wasnt, and i dont, but i know why it came across that way.

my other friends agreed with me that i shouldve broken up with her after that. in hindsight, i dont know if it was the right choice. i miss her dearly and wish i had worked more on the relationship.

we've since talked about it. i told her that i still loved her (bc i do, very deeply, and i dont know if i'll ever get over her) but said that i dont expect anything, dont expect a relationship, etc. she was okay with this because, in her words, she trusts me to not make it a big deal or awkward. we hang out frequently now, we watch anime together, and we get along well as friends. i feel so lucky that she is willing to spend time with me, that she still enjoys my company even a little bit.

the confusing part is that i told my dad about this and he basically said, "you were 19yo in a long distance, online-only relationship. this was inevitable and you shouldnt feel too bad about it. it was wrong but not the worst thing ever." i dont really agree with that, because it was a pretty serious relationship despite being online. we even met up at a convention and spent several nights together in a hotel. it was the happiest weekend of my life. i thought i could marry her maybe someday. and i dont think being 19yo justifies it. 13yo maybe, but i was old enough to know right from wrong, even if my knowledge about romantic and sexual relationships was underdeveloped.

basically, im looking for nuanced opinions. i fully expect the results to be YTA. im hoping ppl can give me any sort of insight in the comments.

PS: H is partially to blame bc she knew i was in a monogamous relationship but please dont hate on her too much in the comments, we've had a lot of talks about this and what happened drastically changed the way the both of us see relationships and each other. basically, she learned her lesson and she was never trying to be a bitch or a homewrecker. i know her well enough to know shes a good person at heart. she's also not on tumblr to see any of your comments. direct all of you criticism towards me, please.

What are these acronyms?

[rvspecter]

ramble about each of ur suits ships for as long as u can (might result in a novel)

omg sweet anon asking about all my ships <3

ok so first i don't ship something because i want to see two ppl get married i don't do that. i'll ship it because i find it interesting/sexy etc

LET'S START WITH THE SEXIEST

jessica/harvey

-everyone sleeping on this ship makes me so mad. like they are so sexy!?!?!?!?!?? even when they banter they are sexy. THEY ARE TOTALLY FLIRTING?!??!?! anyways i particularly like when they fight for dominance which is basically every scene with them. oh and i like how she's taller than him in heels and how she stares him down like he's breakfast. SO WHY ISN'T THERE MORE FIC!??!? what i need is for someone to help me establish their backstory. like i know they fucked in a bathroom stall on the 53rd floor but i'm not sure when. was it when harvey was working in the mailroom? i feel like they are the hardest ship to write for actually and make believable. BUT I KNOW THEY FUCKED!!!!!

mike/harvey

-mike legit has harvey wrapped around his finger. if that boy said “hire me as a lawyer even tho ive only finished high school and then offer to go to prison for me when im found out” harvey would be like “how high”. i don't think anyone can argue that harvey loves mike

but to me marvey is an unrequited love story. idk what to say. mike doesn't love harvey. sometimes i don't even think mike likes harvey as a friend. that's how soured by s6+ i was. mike treated harvey like shit and harvey kept coming back for more. it was actually painful to watch. i read marvey and usually the stories i find believable r the ones where mike leaves with rachel and GROWS UP (even tho he's a 30 yr old man at the start of the show) and everyone's wounds have had time to heal. i can buy marvey getting together then. what i don't find believable are stories where mike is pining for harvey!?!??! i don't know what show that is. the guy literally couldn't get away from harvey fast enough. he gets out of jail and almost immediately fucks off to seattle with his wife and doesn't even tell harvey about it like??

when i first got into the fandom side of suits i really liked the romanticized version of marvey where they wud do ANYTHING for each other. but when i watch the show - this only goes in one direction

donna/harvey

-this is this ship i was rooting for when i watched the show the first time. the thing about them is their history and emotional connection. to me they are a single entity. they r partners and they have always been partners. u don't even get to talk to harvey without going thru donna - she is literally the physical border between him and the outside world

i love how they protect each other. harvey has never let anything bad happen to donna. it's a fact. he'd do anything to protect her and we see that. but here's the thing about their relationship - it's mutual. donna does INSANE THINGS for harvey like KEEP A DOCUMENT THAT SHE STOLE FOR OVER A DECADE ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT SOMEONE GOES AFTER HARVEY FOR CAMERON'S CRIMES. they wud do anything for each other and they both know it

i also love how highly they think of each other. we always see donna defending harvey. she defends him because she thinks he's a good person ("because ur worthy"). she's one of few ppl on the show who does. most ppl think of him as a dick and that group includes mike

the way harvey views donna is almost worshipful. he thinks she can do no wrong. “donna doesn’t make mistakes.” he trusts her completely. she's his compass. every success he has is a shared success. “we made partner.” he doesn’t even think he can be himself without her. and don’t get me started on how debilitating her moving 3 doors down the hall was for him

anyways tldr their relationship is a two way street. they love each other and they both know it. and i'm not talking about after they finally get together (let's not talk about s9). i'm talking about before. because even if they didn't know the other person wanted to be with them - they knew they loved them and would do anything for them

MIGHT AS WELL GO THROUGH ALL MY SHIPS

scottie/harvey

-s1 version of them was so fun! i wanted this to have been a long term friends with benefits type thing. when they became a couple i didn't like it because it was always her sacrificing stuff for him and not the other way around

sean cahill/harvey

THIS SHIP NEEDS MORE FIC. i was just thinking about them. sean tells harvey 'I MOVED HEAVEN AND EARTH FOR YOU ONCE BEFORE AND NOW THE WELL IS DRY' like sean was totally IN LOVE WITH HARVEY. it's crazy how much he did for him actually. like what did sean get out of it??!?!?!?!??! anyways they totally fucked while mike was in prison

travis tanner/harvey

they way i see them is travis is obsessed with harvey's hair and hands and generally thinks he's just a pretty girl he wants to get with. harvey is like eww no but also we know harvey likes fucking the competition. so i think they fuck on and off, after or before cases and it's very kinky because travis is a total freak in the sheets

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

cameron dennis/harvey

plz see this fic for details

[thestobingirlie]

Ohhhh my god thank u for saying what ive been thinking for so long about ronance and also how steve would feel about it every word so true....

1. Even if she did have any feelings for nancy WHAT kind of best friend would get with the first person their bestie had ever fallen in love with who fucked up their heart to the extent that it was still impacting them years later

2. WHY would robin see nancy as a potential good romantic partner after hearing about what she acted like from steve...like i love nancy but she needs to spend some time single and also in therapy before shes ready to be with someone actually i think

3. Also just people trying to point to evidence of vibes between them in the show canon itself I always see all their interactions as robin being intimidated by nancy and nancy actually being kinda rude to robin until she does/says something helpful???

4. On the side of steve's reaction imo he would be completely justified in freaking out - both due to him feeling betrayed by robin and also probably worries about her getting her heart broken?? Especially because in a lot of the get together fics i've scrolled past it seems like a lot of the plots involve robin actively lying to and hiding her feelings and subsequent actions from steve? Also just the general characterisation of steve in these kind of fics as a dumb little puppy that robin and nancy laugh at together

Sorry for long ask this has been building up for quite some time in my brain and seeing your opinion just brought it all bubbling out lol.....could probably get death threats if i talked about this to the wrong fan like at a certain point ppl just need to chill (i say at the end of this massive ask ahaha)

thank you, i will always be willing to shit talk ships i don’t like lmao

anyway. i’ll go through point by point!

1- totally agree, like come one. bro code. no dating your best friends ex, especially when it ended with your best friend getting his heart broken. you’d just have to be the worst friend and least empathetic person in existence.

2- yeah, considering we see robin and steve talk a lot about their love lives, we can assume she knows most of what went down between them, so i honestly can’t imagine robin being able to see nancy in that way. and i totally agree! nancy needs to be single for a while before diving into yet another relationship. honestly my dream ending for nancy is her being single and working through her trauma.

3- i also can’t really see it in the show. like most of their scenes nancy just looks kinda pissed of at robin, and robin is trying desperately to figure out where she went wrong. it just doesn’t seem like a good dynamic.

4- and yeah, i think steve would react badly for two reasons. the first is him feeling betrayed by robin, that robin would date nancy when she was his first love and his heart was so badly broken, we’re still seeing it effect him. and the second is that he would be worried for robin. he knows robin is anxious about how she rambles and acts, and he knows nancy, and i think he would know that nancy wouldn’t have much patience for it. and i do think that he would be worried about robin getting her best broken too. and i hate any fics where the basis is people make fun of steve together, and steve’s best friend and his ex that broke his heart teaming up to call him an idiot would honestly drive me into a frothing at the mouth rage, which is why i don’t read those fics! lol

never apologise for a long ask! they’re always fun to answer, and yeah, there are definitely ships that people want everyone to like. i remember i made this post that was vaguely critical of jancy, and someone sent me this long ask in all caps locks about why i was wrong, it was pretty funny tbh

[alwastakenofc]

hmmmmm so ! lesser-than-before rant incoming :)

i’ve been playing this game on my phone for the last 3ish weeks bc i’m tryna get $80 from getting to “grand sultan” level thru this app that gives me games to download and rewards me for playing them/hitting checkpoints and stuff idk it’s rly cool but that’s besides the point ! so i figured i would Bounce after the month is up bc like it’s just a gimmicky pay-to-win kind of game where if u don’t keep up daily u fall behind, BUT there’s also a Huge player base for the game (which makes it fun but also gives it that rly insanely competitive edge that makes it hard to miss days without feeling like ur behind). so one of the things i had to do was join a union/guild where i am partnered up with ppl like the guild leader and co-leader and elites and others members ya know? and we can do quests and stuff and it just gives u a good boost to everything which obviously helps u level faster ! so i was like “hmmmm maybe ill make one…” but then i noticed ppl talking in the all chat saying how they’re not new, this is their 3rd, 4th, 5th+ server that they’re hopping on bc they wanna start over again, etc etc so i was like “…. nah im not making my own union LOL” so i ended up joining this one that had free slots and rly didn’t like the guy leading it bc he was kinda rude… so i left, changed my name/avatar, and DM’d the leader of this guild i had my eye on in the first place but was full at the time! they now had 1 space free and i had to wait 24 hours to join bc i just left my last guild… so she said she’d save the spot and BAM, i got in! we talked in DMs abt how i left my last guild bc No One except the leader talked and when he did it was to Demand things from us like “Everyone better donate 200 diamonds or else.” and stuff!! lmao

SO. fast forward to now. it’s been about 3 weeks in the guild and MANNNNNN IVE MADE A FEW FRIENDS, THEYRE ALL SO NICEEEEE 🥺 me and a couple other guild members were up til Midnight last night just talking abt life and where we wanna travel and our jobs and education and Everything !! it was so wholesome and nice and so just idk. pure and innocent and Fun to just have casual conversations with ppl that were complete strangers 2 weeks ago, but who ive gotten closer to and now can have those nice long convos with !! and it was all just in the guild chat so anyone could read the next day lol but idc ! it was fun! plus my name on the game is selene which is Not my real name lol i just like the name a lot and it always makes me giggle when they say “lol, i know right selene??” and stuff and im like heh.. yea, das me 😎 idk the guild leader gave me the “life of the party” tag and said she loves my energy and it just feels so good bc i know i am just so cripplingly socially anxious irl and that’s why i can talk so easily online and love talking online so much more. like im still ME, but… not Fully being perceived to a point where i feel uncomfy or anything LOL . it’s been nice

i think imma keep playing after the month is up, i rly enjoy my guild and the ppl ive met thru it :’)

ANYWAYS!! i also think im gonna go to therapy/go to my family doctor to get reccs on therapists and maybe a psychiatrist? psychologist? idk i wanna get evaluated for… well let’s just save that for when i get evaluated bc if i don’t even have anything wrong with me and my dumbass rly gets laughed out of the office by the doctor saying “LUL no u rly just gotta try harder bruh” imma feel like a damn Fool LMAO. BUT yeah. that’ll hopefully be a thing i book this month.

also gonna be responsible and Not over spend on food when i get paid, like delivery and whatnot… but i Will be buying lifetime subscriptions to a couple japanese apps on my phone that i think will be easy access and help me learn japanese to a point of comfortability before i start college again. 😎

OKAY IM DONE WHEW. rant over :)

[apple-os]

okay some of the tags got cut off because i was going on too much but long story short i wanted ppl to talk about themselves and the way i do that is by talking about myself because i also expect that to just be the norm

and i am not going to change that for people who didnt even care to properly get to know who i am outside of joking and vidya gamez

communication is important and if u hide things from someone and expect them to know theyve hurt people despite everyone pretending everythings fine then thats on you

short story long tho ,,

ive said it here im autistic i cant always tell the vibe in places im unfamiliar with. got strong vibes of "i hate but like u" friendships in this one server. turned out to not be showing good enough vibes and fitting in well enough. because i was masking a little too heavily and not thinking about what i was saying before i said it

thought things were fine and dandy because im largely oblivious to a lot of things unless people tell me. i just figured folkz were fine with me talking about things i enjoyed or loved and myself because thats what most people tended to do when they wanted to be friends as...far as i knew

but here we are and ive been called pretentious for talking too much about myself and my girlfriend despite never having expressed that i wanted everything to be about me, quite the opposite in fact

my girlfriend whom ive been in love with for about a year now and only just became an item with so you can imagine why i talked about her a lot after everything thats happened between us

i never said nobody else could talk about themselves!! i got a little offended over a dumb joke once mainly because ive heard it so many times!! i talked about my country and its history and some culture and apparently people didnt like that either!! i made some kind of stupid jokes i wouldnt usually make in any other situation, like oh yes im a misogynist and oh yes i am definitely a transphobe when i am trans, and i have a girlfriend who i love very much!! said girlfriend is upset shes been spoken for, might i add

no i do not hate women! by god, NO, I AM NOT S/PERSTR/IGHT. im just a dumb obnoxious dude who is loud and talkative and tries to be approachable and occasionally fit in when they can

i can imagine this is more of a miscommunication than malice on some people's part, but i also am very mad that i wasn't even heard out before being called pretentious and being told i talk too much about somebody i love not to mention one of my friends was sidelined when trying to reason with the person who lashed out at me

i like talking about my gf,, so what? you know u can talk about your partner too yknow id love to hear it or i wouldve if not for the fact that u shut me down when i dont even know u and i thought we were bantering because u called ur friends and urself sigma for making sex jokes around minors as a minor urself but i also yknow wanted to express that i didnt like that in some way, which is one of the only issues i had with all of u up until this point i thought it would be funny and silly to say i didnt care if u folks were sigma. which sounds really silly put like that but anyway, i didnt express it was a joke well enough apparently and that led to the outburst

in some ways i can understand why the anger was there, but i cant understand why it was left to simmer for so long, nor can i really understand the need to trashtalk me behind my back [which im fairly certain was happening the way 2 ppl described me in the same ways and other reasons]

wont pretend im not at fault in some capacity. i shouldve used my head [and tonetags] when talking to others. but um. the communication error was the main problem and was largely not my fault so ,, idk what to say on that other than maybe set boundaries when you make friends next time ? anyway yeah thats all rant over

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

[mejomonster]

Sometimes I think ah yes being demi doesn't affect my life much more than like desolately few crushes and having to adapt asking people out/casually dating to me picking people not knowing if I'll actually like them for a few months so needing pre-crush standards on how to pick who's worth trying to date

Then I do something and I'm like oh god yeah forgot. Forgot. Dang yeah this affects so much

[honeyfreckled]

...

[offical-ranter]

SPOILERS FOR MS. MARVEL

ok guys i expected this show to be pretty average.. nope. it was great. just 1 episode in and its already one of my favorite marvel shows. heres a bit of my thoughts on it -its so cool to see more representation. im not Muslim or Pakistani so i cant say anything about those aspects (tho im sure u could find stuff about it online from those more knowledgeable) other than its great to see other cultures and languages in a production like this. and like MoonKight they had what i assume to be cultural music, which was also rlly cool -ITS SO RELATABLE! LIKE SKDFJSGS;, i dont have the words. the fact that she daydreams all day about being a superhero, doodles during class, is a literal fangirl, and has parents who doesnt understand what she likes, is. so. relatable. this is the most ive ever seen myself in a marvel character, which is kinda the point of the show. but still. i was watching her talk about making her cosplay and looking at fanart and its just, i do those things. i have marvel shirts and dream about going to cons. the amount of, just feeling, i felt when her mom completely shut down her plan to go to AvengerCon is just, immense. like wow, so many ppls parents judge their kids for the things they like. the scene where Kamala tried to put something around her hips after her mom told her the outfit was too skimpy or tight (without even seeing it i might add) was something i just immediately felt. she didnt even need to monologue about why she felt the need to do it, i could instantly understand based on her action and expression. i cant put into words how this feels like a show that just gets us -her friendship with Bruno (im still not over that song why would u do this to me Disney). its so accurate to how friendship is and its so wholesome to watch. Kamala feeling out of place in school and being quite to meeting with Bruno and talking about the con? thats great, thats the friendships i wanna see. there was no romance, tho there may be based on the look they shared on the roof, but im surprisingly open to it. i usually never like romance in action based shows but they understand each other so well. their struggles and dreams, like even if their love is just platonic its still there. and i love to watch it (not to mention its the literal perfect superhero partner dynamic, the one who fights and the one in the chair) -the directing. ive had a lot of problems with Disney directing as of late (cough cough Boba Fett) but marvel shows have always been fine. WandaVision was rlly unique in its idea, so was Hawkeye, but none have stood out in just plain directing so far. until this. theres no weird shaky camera for no reason, no weird up close face shots (im looking at u The Falcon and the Winter Soldier), nothing like that. just good camera work and going 100% with the theme. the drawings coming to life on the walls and their texts becoming signs and Kamala's planning being animated/drawn. its like spider-verse and i love it. it seems so true to her character and the vibe of the show. reminds me of a movie i think exists where some guy in high school has the ability to make the things he draws real, but im not sure if i just made that up lol -references. some ppl call them easter eggs but either way their great. like me tell u i was screaming whenever i saw something from the greater mcu. even before the show started i noticed how MoonKight is now in the intro logo. there was a lot but some things i remember r the og captain america song at the con, the drawing mentioning his ass, also at the con, the trust a bro truck and original ms. marvel design as art during the end credits. im sure there was more and im kinda disappointed im not remembering them after just watching it -the mysteries. whyd the bracelet (idk if thats what its called but for now bracelet) give her powers? who r the ppl in the end scene (i dont think any other marvel show has had an end scene first ep)? will her old friend refriend her? OMG SHE STILL HAS THE POWER TO EXTEND HER LIMBS?? BUT NOW ITS LIKE CRYSTALS???

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[callmepippin]

ok so i was tagged by the lovely @lexiklecksi for the 11/11/11 tag, the rules are: answer the 11 questions she asked me, make up my own 11 questions and then tag 11 ppl to answer those (so if you want you can skip to the questions at the bottom lmao). however as a fair warning: this got Way too long probably bc im rambly today. i tried to limit the stream of consciousness but….

1. current musical obsession: Frank Ocean and related sort of neo-r&b stuff - while writing this im also discovering Childish Gambino’s “Awaken, My Love!” (and also the song Golden Brown, but not bc im listening to it but bc im learning it on both guitar and piano)

2. 3 things i always take with me:

- wallet (or at least my id)

- phone (&earphones)

- cigarettes&lighter

3. what (or who) i miss most in lockdown: i dont rly remember? im so used to the situation by now that i kind of forget to miss what i did when things were “normal”... but i guess going to bars w/ friends, and just being able to go shopping when i need smth

4. pick: either only read 1 book or only read books picked by someone else: i wouldn’t be able to only read one book for the rest of my life! so definitely the second option (esp if i can pick the person who picks the books)

5. why i found your blog/followed you and if i intend to stay: uhh you followed me and when i checked your blog i liked the vibe i guess? also you were v nice in the tags of my music stuff! also ya i like it here, so im staying for a while

6. when and why did i last cry: i genuinely dont know for sure.. the last time i specifically remember crying was my granddad’s funeral, which is three yrs ago this month, but i do know ive cried once or twice since then, i just dont remember for sure when and why.

wait i do remember, i think the last time was when i saw Richard Says Goodbye (live music and movies or books are basically the only reason i rly cry, im not an emotional crier, dont know why).

7. who holds the key to my heart: my partner of five (and a bit) years, whom i love Very Much! (although ofc my heart is not locked, i have so much love to give, just romantically i am very much taken)

8, pick one: star wars/star trek, dobby/gollum, white/black magic, flying/teleportation, time travel: past/future?

- Star Wars

- Gollum (even though i have read hp but still havent read lotr, ive read the hobbit like 4 times tho)

- i think the hard dichotomy btwn white/black magic or like light/dark and good/bad in most fiction is often v flawed bc thats not how the world works, everything is grey areas (e.g. the Jedi are not better than the Sith, both have deeply flawed philosophies). the Force (or any magic for that matter) is not inherently good or evil, it just is. nature isnt abt good or evil, isnt abt opposites but abt balance.

and especially if you work with the occult and magical, i think thats all abt walking the edge between light and dark, life and death, night and day, good and bad etc…

so to answer the question: grey magic lmao, its all abt balance

- teleportation i think, bc while flying is very cool, i think teleportation has more practical uses (although also has danger involved, such as what happens if you teleport into a space that is already occupied by a person or an object? but for the sake of argument, prolly teleportation)

- do not even get me started on time travel.. the implications of time travel to the past are…… complicated to say the least (it only works if you believe in hard determinism, which i wholly do not). so in a practical sense, def to the future (although that is also Problematic within the constraints of our four-dimensional universe/experience).

in a philosophical sense though, ignoring all the paradoxes and laws of time and space, id still pick the future (or maybe no time travel at all), bc i think the past is the past for a reason. we remember it, we learn from it, but ultimately we must leave it behind.

my philosophical problem with traveling to the future is more that you cant just. skip life. so if you travel to the future, it has to be way beyond your own life and direct influence, or youll interfere with yourself and your own future, and thats scientifically, psychologically /and/ philosophically a v bad idea all round, i think.

9. which thoughts keep me awake at night: almost never specific thoughts, but quite often anxiety abt the near future. but theres no like, lingering issues that keep me awake.

10. what id do with you if we were locked up together for 24hrs: i think i’d really like to write with you! make poetry, song lyrics, make art! bc we could rly learn from each other i think and also we could just rly pick each others brain abt mundane, important and transcendental stuff ya know?

11. ask anything: do you have concrete, long term plans for the future, maybe even backup plans? a clear vision of how the rest of your life is going to go? or are you more the type to do what makes you happy now and figure it out as you go along?

my own questions (large variation in vibes and weight, i know):

describe your favourite colour using other senses (like what sound, smell, feeling or w/e do you associate with it)

what’s the best thing that happened to you in the last week, last month and last year?

what’s the one thing/what are the things that help(s) you get up in the moring and keep putting one foot in front of the other?

are you a leftie? (warning: there is a correct answer)

do you play/have you ever played a musical instrument? (and for the sake of completeness, yes i am counting singing as well)

do you have one thing (e.g. a song, movie, book or smth else) that never fails to bring you joy?

do you have one (or more) person(s) you feel you could still hit up after ten yrs of radio silence and you’d still vibe?

what’s your favourite song lyric/line from a poem/quote? and why?

who was your first celebrity crush? (if you’ve ever had one obvsly)

what’s smth you’re looking forward to? could be specific, could be a general thing like a driver’s licence or your own apartment or w/e

this one is specifically to feed my curiosity, indulge me: why did you follow me?

congrats, you’ve managed to reach the end! again, very sorry for the rambles, thanks for sticking around. im tagging @alt-heidi, @terdiscussie, @a-soul-to-cling-to, @ontvreemd, @sarahhnghae and i guess whoever fuckin feels like it? i literally can’t think of 11 ppl on this hell site, so if i forgot you its not personal. if we’re mutuals you’re especially tagged.

[dedeuteros]

Ouuhh wait i forgot i wanted to blab last week. Last ever season of ballroom dancing or whatever we do </3 First dance was last week, had another one tonight. Its so weird bc its like lolzies i just do this sometimes for funzies . But this is my 7th year hot damn. I cant recognize more than maybe 4 dances by name, but i suppose im well aquatinted with the moves at this point. Liikkeee its truly wild watching 6th graders coming for their very first dance clueless beyond measure knowing nothing. Like whaaaatt you dont know how to stand in a circle????? (Actually, i dont blame them its a lot to take in, but theres a point where i cant tap a pair for the 10th time telling them to turn 45 degrees . Like babes ur doing great but why are u standing like . Its like this - - - / - -?? Bc if there were more space it might not be a problem but if the direction is a basic forward then eventually they start running into peoples sides while the group is stepping straight in and out of thebcircle.) anyways.

Like i know i didnt know which foot i was on was important until liiikee my 4th or 5th year. Hypocrite that i am lol. But also im not surprised bc trying to explain to kids which foot is never pleasant. If theyre confused theyre usually confused beyond saving and u just gotta shrug ur shoulders together and go. Yeah we’ll be fine go get em tiger. (Unrelated i wish line breaks werent so massive holy shit)

So super fun. Being afab in this location. I dont mind dresses et cetera, love them generally, but the lack of freedom in what i can wear is ehhhh. I usually just, dont think abt it bc i like dancing anyways and im too distracted by counting out the steps. BUT! usually the ratio of girls to boys in older groups is not so even, so instead of lettingvthe kids dance among themselves we (junior helpers) have to deploy the full set of ourselves to dance as gentlemen (much to the dismay of the guys in my age group who would rather not dance at all, despite .. where we are) so yours truly, liking to dance as often as i can, gets to be a funny little man in a dress for the night! Im always nervous for the parents who might be snooty abt their daughters dancing with “another girl” but the girls themselves seem fine. One real lovely lady was even so kind as to tell me my hands were far less sweaty than most guys <3 (not true but I appreciate it)

The age (7yr) old issue is that in these dances the “gentleman is the leader” so given they know the dance (often do not) and have the confidence (a handful do not hide how much theyd rather be somewhere else) they would lead and ladies should follow (“even if hes wrong” which i would call bullshit on if i wasnt messing up the same amount). SO since they lead, the steps are such called for them. To begin teaching most dances, the director also calls for the girls but after a while ur expected to either know or be able to follow. I’m pretty practiced in my left and right and their reversal. Tldr: ive learned absolutely everything completely backwards so even if the director calls basic left, I automatically move right.

Trans and masc girl wins in the house this year!!! Its been a mess to some degree, since both wear suits/ vests. Ive been called over a few times to fill in bc “two boys are dancing together” and just had to tuen my ass back around. Ladies wear gloves <3 at least at their lvl, im ant to start bopping my boys on the head if they keep doing that. BUT i havent talked to one of them. But. The smaller lady was having trouble so i was trying to help out and stay near (bc even tho i hate the dress code, i do understand that its easier to have less confusion in switch partner dances if theyre all dressed distinctly “girl” or “boy” . We had no small amount of confusion tonight) uhhhbb uhh. O yea i was just sticking with her and making sure the partner switching wasnt getting messed up and . Idk just generally making sure she was getting help when she seemed confused. Normally i feel awful being hovery when a pair keeps messing up and i correct them bc i know they dont understand my correction anyways and they feel bad for being singled out. But im fucking cryng. She said thank u for helping :^(( no one ever ever says that and ive been helping for like 3 years. Made me so so happy i hope shes well

OUUHHHG TONIGHT WE DID THE TANGO!!! not rlly The Tango. A terrible childrens edition cannibalized version of the tango </3 i dont think ive done it in YEARS???!$& but its one of my favorites!! Got to do it with two groups!! So not only twice, but also different guys . One of them was better, but one of them was also not an 8th grader . I think. We actually had an 8th grader filling in since my helper group has gotten smaller over the years. Anyways i LOVE when we do like. The waltz and the tango bc they have, for what i assume is every year since i started, played the same shitty ass busch gardens ass royalty free music. I CANNOT take it seriously . Ouhhh but also since one of the groups that tango ed was older, it was a few more steps. The variety that keeps me awake after nearly 6 hrs.

Anyways i could talk abt this a lot more but eye am SO sleepy so if i remember I’ll probably jus add onto this tomorrow <3 bc idk its kinda geeky and not impressive to most ppl so i dont get to talk abt the lil details but its been ALMOST 7 YEARS!!! I have a lot to say!!!

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

You said we can ask you questions so here goes( hope they arent invasive)

-at what age did u realise u were lesbian?was it easy/hard to accept?

-how was your coming out like? How did your family and friends react?

-were you ever/are you religious?do u believe one can balance between being homosexual and religious?

- were you always masc or is it something that came with accepting your sexuality?

-do you call yourself a stud?

- how hard/easy has it been being an out and proud black lesbian?

- thoughts on the stigma against stud4stud/butch4butch lesbians

-were you ever a TRA/libfem? If yes, what made you peak?

-ive had ppl talk about how masc lesbians being touch-me-nots is problematic/toxic and how its more about upholding a "status" than it is about preference. What do you make of that?

Not invasive at all! I'm happy to answer and thank you for asking :).

- I realized I was a lesbian at age 12 when I developed a HUGE crush on my gorgeous English teacher. I also got a small crush on a girl in one of my classes. I didn't grow up around much homophobia so it wasn't hard for me to accept that I was gay but what was hard was the absolute intensity of my feelings towards my teacher. I used to pray to god to have my feelings for her taken away because they were just so intense and I didn't know how to handle them (she was my teacher so I clearly wasn't going to ask her out. There was literally no outlet for what I was feeling so I kept it bottled.). My parents never brought up gay people in any positive or negative way and the kids I grew up around didn't really either. So me being gay wasn't something I beat myself up over. Once I accepted that I wasn't an overly invested straight ally, the road to acceptance was a peace of cake tbh.

-My coming out was... Well. I first started coming out to my friends when I was 13 and they were accepting of it. It honestly wasn't that interesting to tell you the truth 😅. All the peers that I gave a shit about never gave me shit for being gay. I never lost a friend for being gay. Coming out to my parents took me until I was 16 and the reason for that is because I genuinely didn't know how they'd react. Like I said, they never said anything about gay people point blank period. However, I was kind of forced to come out one particular night because my heart had been fucking shattered by a girl I was strongly crushing on at the time. I was pacing up and down my house, my best friend wasn't answering me, I could hear my dad's TV playing, it was late, I was tired, I couldn't sleep, I had school tomorrow, I was freaking out, I was devastated... I wanted to be comforted so I went to my father, threw my head into his arm and started telling him how my heart felt broken. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and when I said "nope" there was some silence and he was like "it's okay, I've known for a long time". I never actually said the words "gay" or "lesbian" during my coming out but I guess I didn't need to. The next morning, my father asked if it was okay if he could go tell my mom and I said yes. Long story short, my mom was even less surprised than my dad and she's the more progressive of the two so it wasn't really an issue (though she did tell me to keep an open mind in terms of liking men 😅 she seems to think I'm bisexual which is whatever because she never bothers me about it).

-Hmm. I don't like to completely cut out religion from my life. My father was extremely religious and now that he's gone, I feel it's disrespectful for me to say God doesn't exist. Like, "dad, you spent practically your whole life believing wholeheartedly in God but guess what! It was a waste and the thing you dedicated your life is something I think is a fairytale!" that doesn't sit right with me at all. I've been baptized and I used to go to church when I was younger. I think that there's no reason to shake my head at the possibility of a God. In terms of being gay and believing in God, I once watched a video by a devout Christian gay man who went through all the homophobic stuff Christians love to quote from the bible and gave the actual meaning behind them. I, personally, do not think that God is homophobic. I think that God's love is not something we have the capacity to understand. So, I, personally, think Christian gay people are perfectly fine and are already balanced. Here's to hoping that they stay away from homophobic churches!

-No, I wasn't always masc. As a child I was a huge girly girl. Like, legit, I wasn't a tomboy in the slightest lmao. I'm not sure when I started being masc. But what I do know is that I've grown far more masc over the years. I used to not want to dress too manly (no tuxedo's and no clothes from the men's section and no boxers) but nowadays I love all of those things and that's genuinely what I want in my wardrobe so I have no problem going into the men's section for my clothes.

-No, I don't call myself a stud. Love those guys though. The label I feel that's most accurate for me is masc.

-Um, I'm not sure how to answer this since I don't have experience being any other kind of lesbian. I guess it's just kind of tiring. I'm black, female, and homosexual. That's a LOT of different topics to give my attention to. The hardest part of being a black lesbian is knowing who to give my camaraderie to. Do I give it to black women? Black women AND black men? Lesbians? Only black lesbians? The lgb community as a whole? It's just a lot to think about. I will say, though, I think that it's a lot harder to be a masc black lesbian than a white one. Black women are already perceived as manly just based off of our skin color. So for me to willingly present masc can often be... A non-pretty picture in the eyes of society and I'm hyper-aware of that which is why I often have trouble going all out with the wardrobe I truly desire. That's my biggest challenge navigating the world as the black lesbian that I am. On a more positive note though, it's great being a black lesbian because I can have an opinion on everything and nobody can tell me I'm being racist/homophobic/sexist or stepping outside of my lane 😂. I'm on a three-lane road motherfucker and I'm not afraid to use all of them.

-my thoughts are that you should leave people alone. I will say though, I once read something that was like "if you call yourself a femme but the idea of being with a butch disgusts you, you're not a femme, you're just a feminine lesbian" and that rang true to me so it feels hypothetical (and nonsensical) if the reverse wasn't true as well. If a butch/stud shits on femmes and assumes they can't be as feminine as they are and ACTUALLY gay then I do have a problem. Butches and femmes have a history that's damn near inseparable from each other so for a butch to shit on femmes... I'd argue that they're probably not butch but instead just masculine lesbians. However, I don't care if two butches or studs want to date lmao. All the power to them, I hope they're happy.

-I definitely used to support trans rights more than I do now. I would correct people who misgendered others. I thought trans women were women. I was in support of bathroom laws. I never made posts about it, but I very much did believe it. Magdalen berns made me peak. I started realizing that gender makes no sense. I did some research and came to the conclusions I hold today. Even when I want to go back to my ignorance, I can't because I've seen too much by now.

-I honestly don't know. I think that some masc lesbians don't want to be put in that "feminine" position of being touched by their partner. It could stem from upholding a status but at the end of the day, sexual boundaries are sexual boundaries. What are you gonna do? Force your touch on to them? Yikes. Leave them be. If you're upset about your partner not wanting to be touched by you then get a new one. Clearly you're not sexually happy so leave. I don't think it's necessarily toxic unless they think there's something inherently demeaning in being touched by their partner or they do want to be touched but won't allow themselves due to trauma or feeling like there's a certain persona they must uplift. Other than that though, I don't see the issue.

Thanks for the questions, buddy ❤️

[yakocchi]

so as you might remember a long time ago (like march-ish) there was a sort of election between premade pairs of the active voltage series. the top 5(?) were to be given special stories where you* get to help decide what the story will be about.  *ok not everybody, u had to have voted for that pairing in that prior election but i mean thats a low entry point unless u threw ur free vote away somehow

the surveys are in 3 stages, where the first stage is all about the general setting of the story and the second about the story’s specific “situation”. The third stage, going on now, is to finally choose the specific situation. i’d like to complain discuss the first 2 survey results of the kbtbb story bc i voted on it hahee

sorry that the graphs are ugly... but my excuse is that the pie graphs are from Voltage themselves and im too lazy to set up a less ugly one on excel

further translations and rambling behind the cut

the pie graphs encompass the first stage of surveys. they came with small comments:

with the first question (what is your ideal theme), they mention that there’s a lot of interest about getting to see the jealous side of eisuke and soryu when it comes to being jealous towards each other for once. it’s an interesting point bc yea there has been plenty of stories about them being jealous of other charas, but never really jealous towards each other. hm

.......but also, remember those love triangle substories... the real question is why they didn’t just team up eisuke and soryu there hmm??? weh??? thats been the most obv pairing since the stegosaurus roamed the earth, no? maybe they knew if they did that the interest for the other resulting pairings in those stories wouldve plummeted

eisuke may have won in the general polling in terms of relationship status,  but the following comment mentions that there is interest in having the choice of getting to choose between the two (which was what i was leaning towards) or the idea of being in a relationship with one of them already and then the other guy harbors this illicit love for u regardless.... which...

lol i kid. admittedly ive never been big on bc i just feel bad for the other guy. esp if his competition is to be eisuke or soryu man that cant be pretty. like, an average dude can probably take down ota in a fight. wats that guy gonna do, throw some tubes of daniel smith at u? but with someone like soryu u might as well save urself the time and throw ur own self off the cliff, let the wildebeest tramble u

intrigued by what the ppl who voted for “the mc doesn’t show up” were going for. eisuke x soryu story? i mean... (✿╹◡╹) if they ever provided the choice...

so with much thinking, the resulting story theme is to be: A story where, in the same setting as the typical kbtbb universe, you fall into a love triangle with Eisuke and Soryu.

 the results of the second stage is all text bc you were just supposed to type out your ideal scenario etc. the answers they chose to share are:

“The both of them invite you to a party as their partner”, where you would see the sparks fly between them as they’d compete for the right to be your partner for the party. mmm classic. but a good one

“The two of them work together to save the MC from being abducted by a hostile organization and married against her will” bc it would be very cool to see them come together to save her. i mean, i get it bc the best part of kbtbb main routes is when eisuke and soryu pop out of nowhere from their helicopter, boat, unicycle, etc. and save mc and her admittedly-not-as-cool man

.........”The three of you get trapped in a locked room together” and naturally if they ever wrote this the room would be very small to force close contact..... 

the second part of this stage is a specific scene you’d like to see in your ideal situation:

one person wants a sort of scene where the MC is cleaning as usual when the both of them say “Hey, come here” and then the fight begins. mmm

another is one where they say phrases they usually would never say, but finally come out... out of jealousy. a sort of situation where eisuke and soryu finally lose their composure

anyway the last stage is to finally vote on what prompt you want.  bc it’s a “secret meeting” right now, i don’t really want to get super specific on what the choices were but they’re... not anything groundbreaking or too scandalous, lol.  the one i voted for wasn’t even mentioned beforehand on those results........ the voltage writers’ table really didn’t want to do anything too crazy, i suppose. the way they wrote the prompts (save one) are all pretty vague sounding too, probably to give them leeway. 

hmmm not super satisfied about how it turned out but i mean........ 1 eisuke and soryu story is better than none

thanks for reading my rambling!! the survey closes at around the 10th so let’s hope the actual story comes out before uh... october i would hope lol

[gayregis]

im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.