#which is what we're performing
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this essay is going to be absolutely genius if I'm not talking rubbish
#girl either I'm having an epiphany or I'm stupid and I cannot articulate my epiphany clearly enough to know!#basically right ok the concept of authenticity#basically it's divided into two ideas - we perform authenticity relationally and then authenticity itself#which is what we're performing#but what if. the performance of authenticity were all there were. there's nothing behind it. ONLY the performance#performance is what CREATES the authentic! and as such the authentic is not a seperate concept from it!#I'm writing about food specifically Korean food but generally food and authenticity#thinking about pasta not being part of the italian national identity until immigration in the 19th century thinking about kimchi not being#fermented until the 16th century and the chili used in it not being native to Korea#like???#but I may be Literally Insane who knows
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Gael García Bernal in Desierto (2015, dir. Jonás Cuarón)
(these gifs also feature Alondra Hidalgo)
Gifs are all 540px wide so you can click to see larger.
[other gael filmography gifsets]
#gael garcía bernal#desierto#ggb filmography gifs#desierto 2015#gael garcia bernal#this is ultimately a pretty standard thriller of the being-chased-by-an-inexorable-killer type#where the cast is picked off one by one until only the most conventionally physically attractive remain#this is good news for gael's character#on account of being played by gael#i think this one is elevated by the setting both in terms of beauty (it is stunning) and by making effective plot use of it#that apparently meant they were shooting two hours' drive away from the nearest towns with no cellphone reception etc.#which may be why we don't see more films set here#also elevated by the performances which are uniformly good#also elevated by the themes (jeffrey dean morgan's antagonist is targeting migrants crossing the border)#so we're back in the territory explored in documentaries like who is dayani cristal but this time as fictional thriller#this film came out as the trump wall discourse was hotting up and that was naturally something that got talked about in interviews#clever inclusion of antagonist's dog which effectively constrains what the characters could do to get out of the situation#so unlike in many films of this type there isn't a screamingly obvious course of action that they should have taken but unaccountably don't#still it remains a genre film sticking broadly to the conventions of that genre so the plot isn't going to astonish you#i've still avoided giffing the most spoilery moments though#tbh i suspect gael's character is still screwed at the end but then i think that's also the point (see: themes)
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#time literally isn't real#UHHH anyway gonna get to some drafts/inbox stuff today <33#how yall doing? <3#I've started creating day schedules for myself because my executive dysfunction has been getting out of control#have kind of come to terms I cant really do well or get anything done without a planned out schedule so I'm learning to do that myself#which sounds kind of silly at my big age. but i guess i've just always had someone to tell me what to do whether it was school or work#( and the obligation and responsibilities to anyone outside of myself as a motivator to perform )#so now like 6 months in to unemployment ive just had the click of like 'oh.. i can literally just... do stuff. anything'#so anyway im starting to make an agenda for myself which includes blocked out times for creative hours cause apparently#if my life isn't miserable enough i just don't have the desire or sustained motivation to touch art outlets at all#has anyone ever struggled with this??#i think i used art as escapism my whole life so now im trying to rewire my brain#ive had art block from time to time in my life but i think im just starting to realize what's going on here this time around#and we're gonna fix it!!#i think it's time to shift from art coming from inspiration/maladaptive daydreaming to just making it a routine practice#i fear my work might not come out as good but at least i can still 'have' art in my life this way#wow ok rambling anyway heading over to my drafts :D
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Can't wait to be a mom someday
#tradlife#tradwife#tradblr#catholic#traditional gender roles#slow living#homemaker#homemaking#cozy aesthetic#cozycore#cottagecore#talked with my boyfriend about getting engaged the other day#he wants to wait a bit until hes closer to finishing up with the military and me finishing up my masters#he said he was a little envious of a colleague who brought in their little kid into work#not in like a bad way but in a 'aw i want one' sort of way#we've talked about being parents and how great our little family would be and how well we could share what we know#we're both unique and he can help with sports and outside work and i can teach them music and cooking and homemaking#and he joked he can teach the boys how to make edible food lol#which i said no one is escaping the kitchen. everyone is going to at least know the basics of cooking because its a skill#and maybe our future boys will need to help their wives someday or at least when they're bachelors#but i cant wait#i am a professional violinist and music teacher so when i say i can teach them music im quite serious#im going into violin/viola performance for my masters#and i could sing professionally but im fine with just cantoring for church#they appreciate it#i have to wait at least two years to get married to finish my masters but i am really looking forward to having a family#maybe we can have a family right away too#thats be nice#just really looking forward to the future#just gotta make it through grad school
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Is it bad to say that I just want a conclusion? Is it bad to say that I'd rather something just end badly so I can move on than to end well but be drawn out for who even knows how long? I'd just like to move on, for better or worse. I'd like to stop worrying.
#personal#my cat is coming into technically his third night at the vet#hes 14 or 15 years old and hes been hospitalized for constipation at least 5 times in as many years#they told me this time that theres a large mass of hair making up part of the blockage#which couldve been a factor for all of the other times as well#they told me last night that our options were sedate him to give oral meds and hope they work#or sedate him at a specialty center to perform surgery#or euthanize#.#and they said he was being more cooperative today and theyd try to keep going without sedation#but they had to keep him another night#i called out of work today in case i got a bad call#but now what? do i call out of work again tomorrow?#do i resign myself that the potential 'we're sorry there was just no more we could do' could come while im with a customer?#i want them to give me an answer even if its bad#i just want to finish this#obviously i want my cat back and home and sleeping next to me#but i want *an* answer
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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Eurovision Song Contest 2003
24 May 2003 | Riga, Latvia
A record 26 countries took part in the Eurovision Song Contest in the Latvian capital Riga. The slogan for 2003 was Rendezvous in Riga. Ukraine made its debut in the competition and sent one of the country's biggest stars, Olexandr Ponomariov.
Pop duo t.A.T.u. who only month before the contest had a major worldwide hit with All The Things She Said, represented Russia in Riga. The pair caused mischief during the event week by regularly disrupting the rehearsal schedule and failing to attend press conferences.
Turkey won the contest for the first time after one of the closest finishes in the contest for years. Slovenia, the last country to deliver its results, had the casting vote. Belgium finished second with Russia in third place. [eurovision.tv]
[watch the show]
#eurovision#eurovision 2003#esc#sertab erener#{year}#there are clear standout performances here#but overall - the improvement of song and performance quality over the last 2 decades is incredible#also I've never explicitly said it (although you might have noticed) but the cut off for this blog is 20 years#which yeah it's half of what it's usually considered vintage#but going back 40 years would simply limit my possible posts too much#and having a definite cutoff (for example - no entries from this millenium) didn't feel right either#I need some evolution#I know I might be getting to years you've seen as children and the label of ''vintage'' might make you feel some sort of way#but time only moves forward and we're all getting older and that's okay. we just need to learn to deal with that
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read through all of neuvillette's stories on the wiki and. what do you MEAN people were right about him giving furina her vision
#personal stuff#delete later#KIND OF. sort of.#man i love getting vision and celestia lore like AUGH. gnaws on it forever#but yea really interesting to me. neuvillette has the power and authority that the hydro throne had#so he can portion off bits of his power and hand them out in the form of visions like the heavens did#the WORDING is really interesting to me though. like specifically talking about the Heavens and the Seven Archons#like this implies that the Thrones in celestia are responsible for handing out visions instead of the individual gods#which we already knew from ei's voiceline about electro visions not getting handed out. what was up with that btw#CANNOT wait for snezhnaya where we find out what the hell a gnosis actually is and does and why the fatui's collecting them#if they seemingly have no influence on an archon's authority or seat in celestia and only act as a connection to the heavens#like the hydro throne is gone. it's super gone. but the hydro gnosis is still. around. and apparently performing whatever task gnoses do#for arlecchino to still. want it.#also all of the archons being so flippant about their gnoses. do they know they're made from some dead guy's corpse do you think#venti didn't fight back when his was being taken zhongli and nahida traded theirs and ei literally just didn't care#god. REALLY interesting. also the line near the end of his ''vision'' story abt vision holders is so fucking ominous#''and when one so gifted completed their duty...the gift the gods would receive in return would be more abundant still''#HUH. EXCUSE ME.#like. allogenes as investments for elemental power? is that what we're getting at?#still wondering what the hell happened to vennessa. can we get some information on what ascending to celestia means. please
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frater like fratello! it comes from latin for brother :)
Hah! Knew it! Thank you!!!
#ghovie spoilers#rhrn spoilers#rite here rite now spoilers#right here right now spoilers#can't wait to see what's next. copia taking sister's place feels right.#now#will copia's twin brother be identical or... the other kind that isnt coming to mind (fraternal?)#cuz if it's identical then we're having a cardi mask reboot and that's awesome#but ive seen theories that it could be jim? which would be funny as fuck#but wouldn't make sense because then tobias wouldn't be performing onstage? unless he got a mask that looked exactly like defroque... :/#was hoping for an undead takeover where terzo came back but i think he's for surezies dead 😔
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.
#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
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who hates operación triunfo more edgelords who thing they're above a silly music contest or fans of operación triunfo
#vivitalksot#quién se apunta para bombardear gestmusic#no but#this isn't about 'oh they won't sing amapolas my ship oh nawr'#this is about how the goddamn program has already treated paul and alvaro (and also bea now that we're on topic) like shit#i shan't speak about gala 8 but#you know what happened there#in interviews when asked about which songs they would like on tour#they both said they wanted amapolas#they even fucking repeated it in the weird ass video statement they released an hour ago#saying that they would've liked to sing it but it didn't depend on them#it's the only ship song to not be sung on tour in the history of ot btw#which is already insane#once again it's a good song a good duo and numerically it just makes sense. it just made sense#as we know now. it looks like paul is going to sing fewer songs than people like chiara#PAUL IS THE RUNNER UP#during tour the better your position in the contest the more songs you're allowed to sing#it doesn't look like paul will sing more than two duets and two solos#and even if he sung another duet#the ones that are left are 1) el encuentro with chiara which i enjoy but i wouldn't say it's tour - worthy#also it would make chiara have like 5/6 songs so. lol#2) little green bag. also a cool performance but. martin has so many songs already#3) bad habits. no ❤️#and there's also the trio he could do which is the worst trio in the contest so. lovely#i'm so tired
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Finished dream daddy and I have . . . Thoughts
#random thoughts#dream daddy#okay so first of all i really like the writing and humor#at least in the main good routes#all the character designs are great#yadda yadda yadda okay can we talk about how underdeveloped some of these dads are???#specifically brian mat and hugo's routes were a bit lacking#mainly because their routes didn't really focus on a central flaw in their character like the other dads did#mat and hugo were trying to overcome A Thing and brian's route wasn't even about him like at all#it was more about the player character's daddy issues which like compelling but we're not supposed to be a character#mat's main character flaw is his social awkwardness but not even that because he doesn't perform cuz his WIFE DIED#hugo's route is just a series of events he doesn't even have a main character flaw#unless you count him being secretive about his hobbies??? which is literally just damien. they are the same#damien also kind of suffers from this lack of character flaws which affect his route but it's compensated for#with his direct relationship with other characters (mary)#who is hugo friends with? what about mat? brian?#the game really feels like joseph damien and mary were the characters they put the most thought into#with everyone else being an afterthought#really doesn't help that mat and hugo are the only dark-skinned dads#it really feels like they realized they were thin character-wise and made them poc to provide an illusion of depth#also??? why is mat's relationship with his daughter so underdeveloped???#she is literally just there.#and speaking of daughters i feel like brian's relationship with his daughter could have been a good focus for his route#like cmon he's raising a child who's DEF neurodivergent and doesn't know how to socialize her correctly#make him actually full of himself and think his way of parenting is the best way until you show him the light#at least don't make it focus on the fucking self insert mc#i like craig! nothing to say about craig. platonic ideal of a route.#wish more of the dads had relationships with each other on an individual level#like specifically with brian. have we seen brian talk to anyone outside the bbq???#and im not counting the texting thing this is base game ONLY. i think the texting thing is weird and poorly implemented
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Lisa Ambjörn I hope you get your 3rd act because that was a master class in a 2nd
#young royals#shows#the way I was promised class conflict and that's exactly what I got at every turn#the way felice and wilhelm made each other /worse/#marcus being able to clock simon's issue's 100 miles off and the agony of him saying he's not his dad#felice not understanding sara in the slightest#alexander actually having been fine (which simon would not be) 'it's okay for you guys to cheat'#the way Sara breaks augusts heart fucking! called it!#literally would have written her arc almost identically#the gun was a surprise but go off I guess (or maybe not it would make quite a mess)#like sure there's stuff you can't fit in but they've got limited time so fair it was tight it was tight#god I have so much to say#what a house of cards I am thrilled#the inherent tragedy of the fact that we're all products of our environment no matter how hard we try not to be#the fact that Wilhelm is so childish a lot of the time was so well played like /exactly/#honestly stunning performances all round
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thinking more about tlou hbo and that ep2 cold open
while it was very good and effectively frightening.... with how theyve handled fedra/the fireflies so far im a little nervous they might be setting it up for the fireflies to be 100% in the wrong later instead of it being less clear cut like it was in the game...
#hbo tlou#what tlou fandom has been arguing over for a decade#which is annoying bc whether or not the vaccine works isnt even the point of the ending#also i have to keep in mind that we're getting part 2 as well so theyll have to set.... all of That up.....#the show has been very good but the parts i didnt like i Really didnt like#2/2 eps with endings that made me go 😬#im really afraid about sam and henry do NOT fuck them up craig#also in regards to my last hbo tlou post:#to the people saying 'it was SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable' would they have done that with a male character? im not so sure#just weird to assault ur female character in her last moments regardless of the 'welcome to the colony' vibe u were going for#i said i didnt care that they swapped out fedra for the zombies but also its weird how theyre handling fedra#and it wouldve been good to see more conflict between fedra and the fireflies outside the qz#it speaks#ok i think ive talked abt my biggest gripes#there are smaller ones but im being kind bc overall its been very good#also knowing that tess's character had already gone through rewrites for the og game im not surprised they took liberties with her scene#also while the show has been very good i do still think the story/characters/pacing were handled better in the game#which i like actually like the show has been nice for new viewers but also new stuff for og fans#and the game is still just a cut above so its worth checking out for any new fans#the performances in the game......are just so incredible#from everyone#and the game has so much more subtlety lol#joel looking at his watch directly he might as well have just taken out a pic of sarah and started crying#the unconscious touch of the watch hits me harder than him just looking at it...#oopsie im talking about the little grievances#bro i just love subtlety and i feel like its being lost these days#subtext my beloved
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the thing with queer rep though is that even if the writer is 100% earnest in wanting to create a complex character that people can see themselves in and genuinely trying to make them a good and accurate representation of real life queer people, cishet people still think they're a punchline
#they have NOT moved on from the ''the gay character / 'crossdresser' is a joke character you shouldn't take seriously'' era#we can look at queer rep and find it refreshing groundbreaking accurate beautiful touching interesting and all they see is 'joke'#and that's infuriating because you can have the most LGBTQ friendly writer on earth and homophobes will still miss the point#and become fans of their work which they wrongly interpret as comedy#like you tell cishet people a character is gay/bi/trans and what's the point of reference that comes to their mind#mrs doubtfire. the birdcage. chandler's 'dad'. big gay al. characters that only existed to be comedic and caricatural#it's fucking infuriating because you know damn well that carries on to real life to be how they view Actual Real queer people#we're little joke persons. clowns out of the circus tent. performers.#they can tell you they respect you all day long you will NEVER know what kind of thoughts they have about you#the changes in attitude that happen when you come out sometimes. they're telling#anyway this is about how the jjba dudebro fans are already treating dragona lmao
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Fans can be so funny sometimes. (Myself included.)
#decided to wade through a few comments on YT for Big Country's live performance of ''Fields of Fire'' on The Tube in 1984#and some lady commented ''he (Stuart) looked so happy here'' and from seeing the beginning of the video#and also just listening to it (Bruce's guitar was not producing any sound! for most of the song)#I was like 'um lady. I'm sorry but. he's actually kinda pissed off' lmao#like idk. if he was happy it was when he could finally get off stage and get tf out of there with the sound/technical issues.#but nonetheless: I know what she meant. it's just...as fans we're so cute. we only see the good stuff that we want to see#and for bands/artists we're fans of we only ever want to see them happy and that their gigs are successful (all around)#which is lovely for us and all but also tbh pretty unrealistic. I think about this sometimes especially when I go to shows alone.#I don't know if I'm projecting but when I go to shows alone I often wonder how the artists feel. especially at...very very small shows.#and even though I've sung solos in front of people before when I was in school - I can't remember WHAT it was like/how it felt.#the experience of being an artist in front of people and sharing your art? fuck if I can recall. (except hahaha being terrified)#so now I just...wonder. and try to show my appreciation for the artists as best I can anyway...even when I'm shy and awkward. :/#random rambling
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