#which is understandably upsetting
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Say it with me: The fact that closeted and non-passing trans men face misogyny for being perceived as women does not mean that closeted and non-passing trans women have male privilege!
#that's oppositional sexism and it's wrong#transphobia#i think a lot of the pushback against the first idea comes from the fact that people feel it implies the second#which is understandably upsetting#but the first idea *doesn't* imply the second. something being true for trans men doesn't mean the opposite is true for trans women
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Jealousy, Jealousy
#friend jealousy is a BITCH and i think kei would definitely suffer from it#he made one (1) friend in elementary school and decided it was enough for one lifetime#but now theyre in HS and tadashi is a lot more out of his shell than he previously was and oh look :) now hes making more friends#i just KNOW it eats kei up. watching his best friend laugh with other people.#i think this would be the first time too which is why its a particularly big blow like#for so long its been him and tadashi that this was never a concern#so now he doesnt know how to manage this ugly emotion#definitely see him get snappier with hinata and kageyana#goes unnoticed tho because he usually tends to be an ass to them anyway#Man.#SIGH.#this came to me in a vision and i made myself upset so LOL. Releases this to the wild yaay…#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#tsukishima kei#yamaguchi tadashi#queerplatonic if you understand the workd#tsukkiyama#hq#lots to the read in the tags lol sorry…
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I think a lot about how Vash and Knives are perceived and how they actually are. Vash is the one who pushes his feelings back and holds himself together constantly in order to keep pushing forwards, despite how open/silly he seems on the surface. Knives comes across as colder and more logical, but his decisions and conclusions are all driven by his rage and fear and emotions.
Knives makes himself out to be the reasonable one who knows more about the world than Vash (at least in Tristamp), but Vash is actually the one out there experiencing things and learning about life and humanity, meaning he's probably much wiser. This specifically is one of my favorite things about Trigun because it's just so hopeful. Vash is the one who sees the world and everything it has to offer (he was running all over the place for 150 years, dude!), and he's also the one who believes so resolutely that humans are good. I think that's absolutely beautiful.
#This is just my take from the information I have so if I'm wrong let me know!#I've seen all of Tristamp and the pieces of 98 I could find but haven't been able to find a place to read the manga yet#Which is upsetting because it seems to have most of the really interesting writing/story bits in every analysis I read#But yeah it means I might not be the most accurate when I'm posting about it unfortunately 😭😭#It means so much to me though you don't understand#trigun#vash the stampede#millions knives
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one day fans will realize that treating real people like fictional characters and fictional characters like real people is, at the core of things, The Problem
#luke newton#nicola coughlan#polin#lukola#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#bridgerton#the invasive speculation like you're doing meta analysis of a plotline and not REAL LIVES is deeply uncomfortable#people in real person shipping communities have to come to understand that they are not in fact a fan of the real people#you do not know and will never know the actuality of these celebrities you are a fan of#realize NOW that you are a fan of their PERSONAS and absolutely nothing else#and that the purpose of shipping is not 'oh they'll get together' (so i'm RIGHT) but instead 'i enjoy this dynamic'#the pressure of validation from people who owe you nothing is what makes fans upset#not real people's actions that harm no one#which means you hurt your own feelings and then spiral in circles about how you didn't get said validation#when you were never owed it and choose to put the onus of responsibility on others behaving how you want#and not placing the responsibility on YOURSELF to have reasonable expectations and respect the people you claim to stan#build the bridge and get over it#some of y'all mad disrespectful like these celebs don't straight up hate you for how you behave#as they are well within reason to do so
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something something necromancer Marinette AU where Adrien keeps throwing himself into danger to protect her because “she’ll just bring him back” but she never thought she’d fall so hard for the guy she met by accidentally reanimating his corpse
and can she marry someone who’s legally dead anyways?
like. for tax reasons
#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#I know this is like. canon but. imagine that the stakes are higher and marinette doesn’t fully understand her powers and—#maybe it’s not technically necromancy because I feel like usually that doesn’t make the person properly alive HAHAHA but shhhh#one day she almost can’t bring him back…#and he wakes up to her freaking out#and once she hugs the living daylights out of him she refuses to talk to him all night#AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES#since you know he’s not legally alive he needs someplace to crash#and also it’s Adrien so he’s just. not used to people caring about him#which is why he doesn’t understand at first that his recklessness is making her so upset#but also. if it’s him or her… well#posts that should have stayed in the drafts HAHAHA
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With ur little roster of sonas representing ur brain havoc is that Alters or just a visual way to process things. I know people have been bugging you about possible DID but ur really not beating the allegations /lh
Mostly a visualizer.. They're like. Different levels of disassociation with consistent 'feels' & traits that ive come to treat like separate people to make navigating life a little easier; so if that's what an alter is than I guess. Mayhaps! But it's not really the type of thing I would feel comfortable diagnosing myself with regardless !
#mailbox#had to start doing so bc 'Burr' would be horridly cunty to coworkers-#and then the next day i wouldn't remember why i was angry and be upset about it#so ... treating 'them' like different people makes it easier to understand daily life i guess#but like; the little comics are still exaggerations#i don't actually talk to 'the others' which. miht single-handedly rule a disorder out#sighs . as you can imagine shit's complicated
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I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)
As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)
He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.
(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)
It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.
(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)
#critical role#cr spoilers#bells hells#orym of the air ashari#cr meta#imogen temult#ashton greymoore#liliana temult#this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym#but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas#I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk#is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations)#all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset#it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’#which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about#he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively#which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world#also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON#who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it#ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian#who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes#and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over#it is dishonest to say they haven't#the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish#he says as much!#EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME.#posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl
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It's a good thing he's in a bathtub, because that guy is a MESS.
#kenji kon#jurassic world: chaos theory#jwct#brooklynn#chaos theory#darius bowman#chaos indeed#Darius was just a little butterfly flapping his wings#it's interesting to have this from the reflection perspective#and the live one#because we still don't know exactly what everything is#was it just Darius being overwhelmed with his First Crush because the coolest girl in the world crashed by his place?#was it actually him realizing long-buried feelings that he'd always brushed aside because Brooklynn was never an option to him?#would he have been over it in a week but never got the chance?#how long had Kenji been preparing to break up?#is Kenji still fully in love with her or just upset because the last time he saw his teenage flame they fought and then she died?#it's all about closure#and what they never had#but MAN do I love that Kenji isn't judging Darius#there's no jealousy#or resentment#he Understands#because both of them weren't there#Kenji pushed her away#and Darius didn't catch her#which is also unbeknownst to them THE ONLY REASON THEY'RE ALIVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION
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Something I find fascinating about Wandee Goodday is that no one has kissed yet (I know Ye and Cher have kissed but...) Like not a full on make out session despite having an established couple in the show that they could be using to show us kisses. But we get no kiss sex scenes from Yak and Dee and soft, somewhat chaste scenes from Ye and Cher. We all know both couples are fucking. But the lack of kisses where normally the show would have one couple more active in that department tells me how important kissing is to this story.
Dee has stated that it's silly but he doesn't want to kiss unless he loves that person and is serious with them. But the entire show is respecting the no kiss rule which tells me that it's not silly. The entire show is respecting Dee's boundary here. And yes, Yak and Dee have come so close to kissing so many times, but they haven't. Dee has always pushed him away and Yak has always respected it when he does.
It makes me wonder what's going to happen once the main couple does eventually lock lips. Will that open the floodgates? Will the audience get to see both couples kissing then? Or will it continue to withhold that specific moment of intimacy. There's something the show is saying about the expected parts of intimacy being taken for granted and also deserving of privacy and that's up to the people in the relationship.
Kissing can be an act of love and desire, but what the show is saying is that it is not a requirement for those things. I can be completely talking out of my ass here, but something about this is really sitting with me. Not only do we get Plakao as ace representation, someone who wants a partner to cherish and be cherished without sexual expectations, but we also get the show reinforcing the ideas that love comes in all forms with so many different acts and different people are comfortable with different things. And all of that is okay. And all of those boundaries are worthy of being respected. Regardless of societies expectations for what it means to be in a relationship and be physical, whatever is right for you is right and isn't that just beautiful?
#wandee goodday#wandee goodday the series#wandee goodday series#i've been thinking about this since last week#but then we got those scenes with ye and cher this week#which is a whole other discussion that i'm sure it will take me a whole other week to really process lol#but there's something about ye being tired and cher being insecure but obviously the love is still there#idk but i will be so entirely shocked if gmmtv tries to convince me that ye who is head over heels for cher#would even entertain the notion of cheating#when he's probably just stressed about his brother and his gym and their finances and that's affecting how physical he is#when he's clearly normally very touchy and cher likes that despite his protests#so when that stops and cher doesn't understand why i can see how that can cause some pause#but those two displayed good communication this episode despite cher following ye#cher was comfortable enough to tell ye he was upset and what he thought was going on#but if this show tries to convince me that they actually have issues because ye is cheating then i will simply refuse to believe it
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Something something Percy wishing he loved Nico in the same way because he can't stand the idea of hurting him, even though Nico has never needed Percy to love him in the same way or even to love him at all.
#yes nico yearns but i think he understands that it will always be a fantasy a desire and he's long since been accepting of that#compared to Percy who cares very fiercely and despises the idea of hurting or upsetting someone he cares about even in such a minor way#especially someone he sees himself as a caretaker/protector figure#you know how can he protect nico from harm when his inability to reciprocate those feelings in the same way inherently hurts him#i think nico could explain that it doesn't hurt. maybe it did before. but it doesn't now#and yes he still loves and desires him romantically but he's fine. he knows percy will never reciprocate and that fact is not painful.#but i dont think percy would get it. maybe he'd understand and accept logically what nico is saying. but internally he can't truly accept it#or maybe he just doesn't believe nico at all and thinks he's trying to make percy feel better about it.#either way percy struggles with it. it should be fine. lots of people don't reciprocate another's feelings.#but for percy it just feels like another way in which he has failed nico and that bothers him even if it doesn't bother nico#percy jackson#nico di angelo#happy talks pjo
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I notice Nahida is portrayed as frustrated or scolding of other characters (usually Wanderer) in fanon often but to be honest I don’t think Nahida really has that much of a temper where she defaults to that sort of thing very much….She can be angry and firm as needed but I really don’t think that’s her first instinct on how to assert herself in a lot of cases.
She instead really strikes me as someone who primarily gets upset when it’s on behalf of other people or someone embodying ideas she finds very devoid of care and compassion for others….but struggles to really be angry on her own behalf. Like, it’s pointed out it’s only until she’s actively being rescued that she finally says she’s angry at the Sages, and while she is openly angry then we see later everyone comments on how they seem to have gotten off days, which I touched on in this post and feel u can infer from that this idea Nahida struggles to be harsh even towards to the people who kept her in a cage for 500 years—which makes when u see how much she rationalizes being treated like this earlier on. She ultimately seems more concerned with the Sages mistreatment of her people vs their mistreatment of Nahida herself.
This feels consistent to why she seems pretty visibly disgusted with Dottore when they have their negotiation. Dottore is more or less an antithesis to everything she believes about wisdom and embodies a lot of malice and cruelty that Nahida would be really disturbed by. I personally like to write her lack of a temper in some areas as something that seems almost troubling — bc on one hand she’s very forgiving and kind despite through being a lot, but on the other this seems like it might be rooted in just genuinely not allowing herself to be angry to protect herself. But yeah overall I think unless you’re really causing an issue Nahida is more likely to give you a kind of frazzled sad puppy look and very politely ask you to be better as opposed to hitting you with a sandal or scolding you for it
In the case of her relationship with Wanderer specifically I’ve like, talked about how I feel people overlook the fact Wanderer makes a genuine effort to cooperate with Nahida and doesn’t really fight with her much…so i don’t think they’re often bickering with each other to the point Nahida has to get really firm with him. She seems to have a pretty interesting amount of patience with him especially post AQ, which again I think is helped by the fact Wanderer is genuinely trying to cooperate and she sees that. We do see her ask Traveler + Scaramouche to stop bickering in Inversion of Genesis but she is in my opinion very polite and at most a bit awkward about it, not scolding or irritated
#tbh the way ppl make her scolding and getting on ppl’s case just feels like part of maternal/mom/etc Nahida fanon#which is my arch nemesis. so. JJSNXJXJ#she is not nagging wanderer to do the dishes or whatever he is a grown man etc#I feel ppl want to give her depth abt her history and stuff but default to the idea she has like#secret anger or resentment bc she bottles her feelings up#but I do not think this is what goes on in nahidas brain. I think she just genuinely rationalizes herself out of being upset or angry about#things sometimes and like she Can have a temper but it goes alongside the fact#more than anything she really wants to be a good archon and cares a lot about people and#reasonably had to rationalize there must be a reason she was put in a cage for 500 years to cope with it#ergo this is why why we r told she’s imprisoned she initially excuses it with like#um well they were understandably expecting rukkhadevata when they saw me#and I am not powerful or useful :( so my existence has little meaning#JAKJSNXMXNX#NAHIDA.#genshin#nahida#fandomferns
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I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc
#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian al ghul wayne#batman#batfamily#for all of the issues that come with having Steph as your fave having too much wild shit happening at once is never one of them#btw I quite like The Boy Wonder Issue 1. wow shocker an artist and writer who I have liked everything they've ever done#has once again written something that I am enjoying with art that makes me want to be part of its world.#it's almost like Juni Ba is really freaking talented or something#like I have some problems with it but it seems like many of those are part of the point. Damian is learning that his siblings are more#three-dimensional than he realized and that is part of this 'coming of age' story merged with fairytale#so I can't be mad at the oversimplistic defining of Dick and Jason and Tim until the conclusion of the series. that might be the point.#I hope that the series will address Steph as a Robin but if not then frankly it's not an issue unique to this series.#I'll be annoyed and disappointed but ultimately roll with it like I am with Babsgirl being here. There's too much good stuff here to get#hung up on shit that seems to be almost an editorial mandate at this point. at least that's where I'm at.#I am also very sorry that Chip Zdarsky is massacring your boy. he has 'X (Tim for him) is the best Robin so everyone else must suck' diseas#where a writer really likes one specific Robin and in trying to uplift them demeans all of the other Robins. instead of like...just writing#for that one character only or alternatively not demeaning the other characters in order to make his blorbo look good#it's wild because I actually think his writing for Tim is pretty solid. but he's not writing a Tim series. he's writing a Batman series.#and if you are going to write a Batman series and include other Batfamily members you need to actually write them well.#instead of assigning them like 2 personality traits while Tim gets to be a whole character#I accept that behavior in fanfic where I have lesser standards because it's fucking free. not a comic run that wants me to pay#tens of dollars in order to understand what the fuck is going on. he's been going for a while now it's gotta be a lot of money.#I can buy Steelworks with that money. I can see John Henry and Natasha Irons in a trade. Fuck you Chip.#it's why it takes such a special person to write a good ensemble story/a good Batfamily story. you have to be good at writing a LOT#of different characters. which I don't think most people are. I sure as hell am not. I can write maybe 3 at a time confidently well.#and you also have to give all of them at least SOME love or else people will be upset that you aren't focusing on their fave#and also the writing as a whole will suffer. Chip Zdarsky is a pretty good Tim writer. I'd maybe read a Tim solo written by him.#I would not read a story focusing on multiple characters that I like written by Chip Zdarsky. because every character who isn't Tim#is at least a bit weak/inconsistent/out of character INCLUDING FUCKING BATMAN. THE NO. 1 GUY MOST ARE HERE FOR
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“Ford is irredeemably self-centered” this, “Ford’s a bad person” that, etc…
Alright. Tell me then.
What was he supposed to do?!?!
Be a better brother? Ford loved Stan! When they were children, Ford took care of his brother as best he could. But Ford was also a kid in a bad situation, and there were limits to what he could do. Not to mention that Stan relied so heavily on Ford that it honestly wasn’t healthy for either of them. Stan couldn’t stand by himself and he wasn’t trying. They were both struggling; maybe pin that on the parents instead of the kids.
Not be angry at Stan for messing with his experiment? Of course Ford was angry! This was his dream college; in that moment he thought his entire future was crumbling. I assure you, if my sibling had ruined my chances of getting into my dream school I would have been more than a little upset, and I’m sure the same goes for most of the people reading this. Of course, Ford did hold onto that anger for considerably longer than was justified, but in this case I would argue that Ford less “held a grudge for 10 years out of spite” and more “never got the chance to make things right with his brother and held onto that anger because it was better than the nauseating guilt over that final argument, the uncertainty at times that his brother was even alive.” (Which is not to say that Ford isn’t spiteful. Our man has plenty of spite. But him being spiteful is not the only thing going on here.) Which brings us to our next point.
Stop Stan from being kicked out? How?! That household does not appear to have been a safe place for either of the brothers. Should Ford have gotten himself kicked out too? Should he have known exactly what to say to talk his father down - the man who just violently threw his twin out of the house? Ford didn’t kick Stan out. He just wasn’t able to stop it from happening, and that’s not something any teen should be blamed for.
Behave himself when reuniting with Stan at the culmination of the worst period of his life thus far? There’s stress. And then there’s being dangerously sleep-deprived and at the mercy of a horrifying demon that betrayed you, leaving you alone in a shack in the woods with no one to call for help except your estranged brother, who’s complaining about a mullet, of all things. Yeah, I’m not going to say Ford’s behavior was anything other than atrocious here. But really. How well would you handle that?
Thanked his brother? Stan could have destroyed the universe; it makes sense that Ford’s upset! He’s also had literally decades to stew in the terror and fury he experienced in those last moments before falling through the portal (something which almost certainly would not have happened if it weren’t for Stan). Again, Ford’s not acting like the world’s best brother here, but it’s understandable.
Ford’s not perfect. He can be arrogant, spiteful, and bitter. He makes serious mistakes (often due to his own hubris) that put himself, his loved ones, and sometimes the entire universe in grave peril. Ford is, in fact, deeply flawed. That’s part of what makes him a fun character! It’s also what makes him a well-written and believable character. Yes, Ford acts like a jerk. He does so quite often.
Ford also spends nearly the entire narrative bouncing from one deeply toxic situation to another, desperately trying to survive and make life better for himself and his family and watching as his brother makes mistake after mistake - sometimes making choices with severe, negative consequences on Ford’s own life.
Ford is doing the best he can. He’d not a bad person. He tries to be good. He tries to do the right thing.
He just fails sometimes.
Don’t we all?
#say it with me#Ford. Is Not. A Bad. Person.#He’s Doing. The Best. He Can.#And The Narrative. Is Dealing Him. An Unbelievably. Shitty. Hand.#anyway don’t come after Ford y’all#i will die on this hill#(and don’t come after Mabel either that’s an entirely different post and hill I will die on)#actually let’s be kind to the entire Pines family#I love them#they’re great#and so well written#wow this post is a bit agressive uh…#sorry but the Ford hate makes me irrationally upset#and I might be overcorrecting a bit because the intention was not to excuse Ford’s behavior at every junction#just. he screwed up. he did. but I understand his choices at every junction? so I find it hard to be angry at him?#gravity falls analysis#gravity falls#stanford pines#gravity falls stanford#grunkle ford#ford pines#gravity falls ford#wow lots of tags um…#sorry im new to the fandom and still figuring out which fandom tags to use#madbard rambles
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🍷<3
#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad#and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything#i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing#but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT#and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing#and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over#and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop#and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me#and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it#again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that#so I felt guilty throughout#anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely#and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods#heres to healing ❤️🩹
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zam not understanding(/being willing to understand in that moment) why mapicc would be upset about him giving the blessing to minute is so awesome to me because i think zam does take mapicc/mapicc's loyalty for granted & i'm glad this actually has to come to a head. they are a little fundamentally mismatched in this department, i don't think zam has a very intuitive understanding of how loyalty works or what is expected of people in that scenario, it always feels like he has to force it when his natural inclination is to put his own needs first. i love this about him
#m#lifesteal#and from zam's pov it's mapicc failing to communicate with him about whether he would be revived or not/just expecting#things from him. which is interesting if zam is upset about the idea of mapicc just expecting things from him#and then MAPICC is mad at ZAM for just expecting to be able to do that and have mapicc continue carrying out zam's mission#+ the weight of zam being really genuinely for once in his life free and happy in being banned & how important that is to him#and other people not necessarily understanding this#and like. the way all of zam's attention will get focused in on one goal or one person even if that person is an enemy and he lets other#relationships fall by the wayside while still expecting mapicc to just be there#simply my thoughts
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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