#which is the tl;dr about it

[placesyoucallhome]

okay so where have I been? Actually sick, but for the most part it's all the same sick, all the same sick as I've been since 2020, it just got worse.

ranting under a cut because I'm just venting at this point-

I got covid in like, February of 2020, early early, before doctors even thought covid was in my state early and sure as hell weren't diagnosing it. And to be fair, I didn't even got in, or bother telling anyone, because I thought it was a little headcold, barely coughed, just sniffly and tired, though the lack of taste was... odd. I didn't think anything of it, thought I just lost my sense of smell due to sniffles.

Then I didn't ever get better.

Honestly I thought I was losing my mind, I suddenly was sleeping 14+ hours a day, making dinner was an ordeal because I was exhausting just standing for minutes at a time, I couldn't work, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I didn't connect any dots until months later when my taste finally came back, that that was a symptom, and that for some people it just never gets better.

So for a while that's all I have to work with, there's no relief, no cure. Not until the vaccine anyways, and some people with long covid find relief, symptoms lessening or even going away entirely! I'm one of those, thank fuck, my fatigue lessens enough that I can get part time work again at least. And that's where I'm at for a while. I'm not at where I was before, but man, at least it's something.

Cut to a bit over a month ago, I get another cold, and... I don't recover. I'm shoved right back to where I was in 2020, and now with vertigo enough to make me nauseous at the drop of a hat and brain fog that makes thinking feel like a sisyphusian ordeal, fun! At least it's not loss of taste again. I sort out the veritgo with some supplements, but my fatigue and and the worst brain fog of my life are lingering, and at this point I'm gods damn desperate for this to not be reality for the next handful of years or more. SO. Research.

I try a few options, not much works, not until I stumble on a side blurb somewhere about antihistamines helping. I look some more, some people are completely reset to normal on them! Fuckin I might as well try right? I've never taken claritin I don't have allergies how would I have known?

And it fucking works

It was like night and day after one dose! No brainfog! My energy slowly comes back too! No vertigo! Holy shit!

Except my sinuses are actively killing me. To be fair, my sinuses never actually worked properly, they just don't drain. And now it feels like there is a solid mass of mucus in there that isn't budging, and my throat is raw because it's making me snore on top of that. Cool. cool cool cool. Apparently there's a known issue of antihistamines causing mucus in the sinuses to just not hydrate and essentially gunk up everything.

And that's where I'm at. My choices are- keep taking antihistamines and be able to stay away and think and just deal with the constant sinus migraines (or take sinus meds constantly on top of all that), OR- drop the antihistamines and deal with fatigue and brainfog, I can then consider a low histamine diet. What is a low histamine diet? Fucking torture. It's not even terribly healthy because it cuts out so many nutrients, and you aren't supposed to be on it for more than a month or so at a time, and I'd need to be on it for 6.

What is a low histamine diet? Amongst other things, no spices, no deli/coldcut meats, no spinach, no tomatoes, no cheese, no SOY SAUCE ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I cannot stress how much my diet revolves around tomatoes and soy especially, I wouldn't be allowed anything savory or spiced or fermented for SIX MONTHS.

So it's not looking likely.

So I'm at an impasse, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about it yet. probably ease off the claritin for a while and see if my sinuses recover and try again?

Anyways I had mac and cheese tonight and only cried a little bit.

[lazylittledragon]

Feel free to ignore if this is intruding but I remember you posting about dealing with caffeine addiction and I hope you're doing ok <3 Addiction is really hard to deal with so I hope everything is going alright for you!

!! thank you for checking in <3333

i haven't cut it out completely (i really don't think i'd be able to) but i'm still doing much better, i've cut down from 6 shots per cup to only 2. i've also changed my sleep/eating habits so now i don't feel like i need the caffeine as much because i just don't feel as shit anymore.

it's been very nice :3

[rin-hanarin]

「Forgiveness for a sinner」

[hoofpeet]

I'd probably have to read the printed version and web version back to back at some point to note all the differences but... ough

[saintsenara]

the wizarding world really just does not care about anything huh? i mean. what would have happened if tom had been institutionalized due to his magic?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

i need to actually get around to writing the big meta i have on the idea - which i know a few people have asked me about - that hogwarts applies some level of selection [that is, that - despite what lupin says in deathly hallows - it doesn't teach the majority of magical children in britain, whether they're born to magical or muggle families] when it comes to who it admits, and that muggleborn potential pupils who fall short of its criteria never get the letter-delivery meeting that we see the canonical tom riddle receive.

which would mean that, had tom been committed to a psychiatric hospital as a child, i think the wizarding world would have quietly struck his name off the list for potential admittance to hogwarts and continued on untroubled.

which is obviously grim.

although i think it's worth saying that, while there is a lot about 1930s psychiatric care which was legitimately inhumane - and the sort of one flew over the cuckoo's nest-style dystopian vibe, which makes the idea of poor wee tom being stuck in a hospital seem so terrifying, isn't entirely inaccurate - there's also, as odd as it sounds, a chance that he might have been genuinely helped by the psychiatric treatment of the time period.

we picture the psychiatric treatment of the early twentieth century as straitjackets and padded cells and lobotomies - violent and dehumanising procedures with no clinical benefit - because [as is often the case today in the way mental illness is spoken about both clinically and culturally] the medical community tended to regard anything accompanied by psychosis [schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, and so on] as intensive, untreatable and unmanageable [and to - therefore - institutionalise patients with these symptoms permanently].

but at the same time, mental illness which wasn't accompanied by [long-term] psychosis [depression, anxiety disorders, addiction, ptsd and so on] was increasingly seen not only as treatable, but as curable - and clinicians' aims were for patients to be treated temporarily either in the community or in modern hospitals which looked very different from the padded-cell asylums which were holdovers of the victorian/edwardian era, and to live independently after their course of treatment was done.

this was largely due to the prevalence of "shell-shock" and "soldiers' neuroses" - which we would nowadays understand as types of post-traumatic stress disorder - among men who had served in the first world war. these men - often from "respectable" backgrounds, with no history of mental illness in their families - were a very different demographic of patient than either the destitute "lunatic" or the hysterical woman of the victorian and edwardian imagination. they were also needed back in the trenches - but with their symptoms under control enough that they weren't considered dangerous to their fellow soldiers.

and treatments for shell-shock were - as a result - considerably more humane than the contemporary treatment of psychosis. emphasis was put on holistic treatments - especially the chance for men who had been shivering in the trenches to get a period of real rest - and on talking.

[british army officers were ordered - for example - to attempt to reduce shell-shock cases by encouraging their men to process their experiences of the war in individual and group settings.]

after the end of the war, the treatment of long-term shell-shock combined with the growing interest in "analysis" - which, while the image i'm sure many of us have of it is of sigmund freud suggesting the patient wanted to fuck his own mother, actually looked rather a lot like the various branches of psychotherapy do today - into courses of treatment for conditions like depression, anxiety, and ptsd [especially those caused by childhood trauma] which aren't actually terrible...

the way the young tom riddle speaks about magic in canon absolutely sounds like psychosis to someone who doesn't know he's a wizard - and so, yes, there is a very high chance that he would have been institutionalised to be stuck in restraints for the rest of his life.

but it's also the case that, since he was a child when mrs cole was trying to have him "looked at" by doctors, this increasing disciplinary focus on the psychological motivations for behaviour - especially in childhood; child psychology and the causes of juvenile delinquency were things the psychiatric community was increasingly interested in during the 1930s - might, instead, have had his belief that he could do magic put down to a fantasy which he had invented on account of his numerous [and treatable] neuroses.

and while it's not the case that he's making up being a wizard... it very much is the case that he's neurosis-central. you've never seen a more unbalanced ego.

and that actually being prompted to confront his childhood trauma [especially his grief over his mother's death] - even when the strange, freudian flavour any psychotherapy would undoubtedly have had is taken into account - would probably have done rather more to actually help him than hogwarts' "ignoring children's emotional needs is fine" approach...

[thatswhatsushesaid]

Honestly the empathy sequence makes NMJ kinda strike me as an entitled/abusive parental figure. Maybe I'm just drawing paralels that aren't there, but:

Feeling entitled to JGY's time and attention? He interrupts his conversations with LXC (twice, I think), one of said times because he was eavesdropping on them AND got angry about JGY expressing fear to LXC IN PRIVATE

Not letting JGY explain himself/ not listening when he tries. At the point of the staircase scene NMJ has been poisoned to hell and back by baxia, but I do believe it's not just that. He sees his moral code as absolute certainty and his inflexible nature makes it that he doesn't take well to deviance from that. Aka has to get his way or gets Angry

I think NMJ was an absolute idiot to let JGY ppay clarity for hin after the staircase thing! That draws more into the paralel because abusive people often hurt others and then act like nothing happened, as if their target doesn't have the right to be upset (see again: qi deviating over JGY expressing fear to LXC). NMJ does this to a degree that paints him as almost oblivious imo

I actually do quite like NMJ but he's. So many shades of fucked up, Christ alive

i am going to proceed cautiously here for several reasons, but primarily because:

i have been drawn into the "is nmj an evil abuser" discourse once before on discord (in defence of da-ge, believe it or not) and i Did Not Enjoy It At All, Actually, and

while i think the behaviour described above absolutely qualifies as abusive, nmj's intentions also matter, and i don't think what nmj is trying to do can be boiled down to simply exerting coercive control over jgy. initially on the hejian front when he eavesdrops on meng yao and lan xichen, he wants to help him; the second time he eavesdrops, it's because he straight up views jgy as a threat, and decides to kill him because of it.

imo their dynamic is dysfunctional and toxic and is a powder keg set to explode essentially from the moment nmj sees meng yao killing the jin commander on the langya front, but i think calling it abusive is an over-simplification of what is going on between them.

that said, i do think there is a character in the novel canon who nmj repeatedly tries to exert coercive control over, who is fully and unquestionably under his authority and influence, and who he treats with wildly vacillating levels of either patience or explosive anger depending on the canon point, and that character is nie huaisang.

---

this post has been added to my dreamwidth meta archive here: https://thatswhatsushewrote.dreamwidth.org/7080.html

[shannonsketches]

Weird Horsegirl Ganondorf fun fact of today is that in Ocarina of Time Ganondorf rides without a bridle! Even in the concept art his horse lacks any bit or reigns (as does Epona, and every other horse).

What it mainly means is that the N64 didn't have the power to mess with an unnecessary complex item to render -- but what it could be interpreted to mean for the sake of fandom fun is that the horses are raised and trained to be ridden bridleless.

Not to be up my own headcanons about horses being a big thing in Gerudo Valley and Malon's mom being Gerudo and there being a reason that Gan's horse is specified as a pure black Gerudo Stallion because other Gerudo horses don't look like that but -- have you seen the dressings on the other horses?

All of them, even Zelda's horse, have a call to Gerudo patterning. Except for Epona, who was only able to be approached, touched, and ridden by Link and presumably Malon herself.

It's no secret that the Gerudo are more or less pulled from African and Arabic cultures, but fun fact about Arabian horses, they used to be given as prized gifts to royalty and important political figures.

So if they are inspired by Arabian horse history --

Although the specific area of the Arabian Peninsula where the breed originated can’t be pinpointed, it is widely accepted that around 2500 B.C., the Bedouin people were responsible for developing the desert horses that became the ancestors of the Arabian horse. The nomads’ keen horse sense and meticulous attention to proper care and breeding created an animal that could withstand the harsh environment of the desert, surviving extreme heat and cold with little water and the food they shared with their handlers. A life of travel also required horses with great lung capacity, endurance and stamina. (x)

It's very possible that all of the horses in OoT have ancestry in Gerudo Valley!

[lannisterdaddyissues]

god why am i so fucking stupid. having adhd is truly a curse and i hate bearing it

[generic-sonic-fan]

In case it wasn't apparent from my recent fic, I believe that a crucial element to writing Metal Sonic's obsession with Sonic is not hatred, but paranoia.

Sonic is capable of arriving at any point on the planet within a matter of hours, if not minutes. The only places of relative safety are Robotnik's bases, but even this is not guaranteed. Sonic can speed through conventional defenses, tear through walls, achieve verticality and attack from every angle, at any time.

And every time Sonic arrives, he attacks with every intent to completely destroy Metal Sonic.

. . . at least, according to the programming Eggman shoved into its head. Everything in Metal Sonic's processor, every scrap of personhood or sentience it clings to, is based on code written with a single purpose. The only way that Metal views the world is through the lens of this purpose. It analyzes locations based on defensive angles or potential resources during a combat situation. It sorts any person it meets into one of three categories: An Ally (aligned with Dr. Robotnik), A Civilian (irrelevant), or A Threat (aligned with Sonic). Its knowledge of objects is a complete toss-up depending on what info's been useful in the past to fighting Sonic- Metal only knows what a grocery store is because he punched Sonic through one once.

And Metal is always scanning, scanning, scanning the environment around it for any sign that Sonic might arrive. When your opponent is faster than the speed of sound, a half-second warning can mean the difference between continued operation or utter destruction.

[snackugaki-jestsjapesjokes]

blep blah, here have some old ass backrooms doodle content when the topic of "the beach episode" concept came up bluhp blooh brain nyooming but art hand isn't arting

i think what is super cute in modern fandom expression that I've seen is that in terms of making OCs or AUs is that sound seems to have a bigger role now than from what I remember when I was young. which I'm thinking has a lot to do with being able to clip audio easily or being able to make multi-track playlists whenever. y'all out here with reels of your art with voice claims and some of the most thoughtfully and artfully crafted soundtracks-- not even playlists, some of that shit is a straight up soundtrack level be real

89% tempted to try one of those shady "free" video/audio editing programs to make a LoFi chill beats study girl visualizer playlist with my iteration's boys ...

anyway gonna contemplate music headcanons for my iteration under the cut

From Turtle Tracks fan letter section, Archie run, #24

so real quick, my iteration is literally just them chilling, hanging out, being together in their mid 30s- early 40s, and then sometimes flashing back to their child/teen years in the 90s because tl;dr i have miiiiiinor beef my childhood turtles weren't quite as "90s" as they "could have been" (nvm I'm cackling at the milennial pop culture refs in Mutant Mayhem drop kicking me back into my adolescence)

but mehehehehe, keeping that they listened to Public Enemy and The Jungle Brothers

and aside from Top 40 musicians of the time... I feel like being outsiders themselves, having to sneak around to explore and learn about people and what's above the sewers had them eavesdropping into a lot of nighttime venues and getting into the underground and various niche subculture scenes that daytime Top 40 didn't play.

cannot tell me the lights, thumping and noise from bands playing hardcore or house or hosting cyphers or raves didn't attract these curious and funky little green dudes like moths to a flame

... Leo definitely fell in deep with the gregorian chant phase, soothing sounds of nature fads , a big fan of Orbital and he fell into that electronic, house, trance, eurodance rabbit hole right after. he also got into Celtic folk music but when his brothers caught his ass studying Michael Flatley to incorporate Riverdance footwork into his ninjutsu he got teased so mercilessly that he took great care to hide listening to it... which just made his stealth better so joke's on them heehoo

Not to mention they're from New York City, the underground music scene is always bangin' no matter the decade; feel like rap and punk got a lot of tracks on their mix tapes back in the day

Raph getting into the metal scene in his own exploring the city trips, and then progressed to music with that boom bap sound (cuz baby boy needs a way to come down off those high intensity moods idk ijs)

Donnie... just the amalgamation of his brothers, he needs that background noise while he's chewing on schematics and protoype development, he would definitely have been the mixtape maker/recording bootlegger (along with Mikey)

Mikey absolutely tagged along with his brothers sometimes whenever they went to their spots for music, though he himself backflipped into ska 'cuz Mikey is always for the people

my tmnt  iteration (where everyone made it past their 20s, splinter’s alive just old, venus is here, and they deserve some goddamn respite and shenanigans)

tmnt  iteration part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11

tmnt  iteration omake 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

lny visit 1 | 2

Keep reading

[stephaniedola]

this is the worst day no exaggerating

[sinfulhares]

I'm so tired of sites self-destructing, PLEASE I am begging there to be just ONE art site that isn't a flaming pile of shit that could go down at any moment

I'm not leaving until the ship goes down, but I would like to hear potential places where people are also posting art

Personally I'm most active on Kofi and Bluesky because these are the only sites that I'm sure won't come crashing down anytime soon but god it's so tiring to have to keep rebuilding because everything turns to shit over the dumbest, most lack-of-common-decency bullshit from people who should never be in power to begin with

[grapecaseschoices]

the way fenris wont even consider turning in mages in the team bc it would upset hawke.

the way sebastian DOES considerate but struggles because there is no middle ground.

[scatterpatter]

Feeling normal again

[mirror-ralsei]

MINI THEORY: Egg-veryman

Look, I'm not the first or only person to believe the man behind the tree might be Everyman. Just from a quick search, here's a theory and depiction preceding mine: 1 (huecycles), 2 (JJayBlaze123).

But as of the Spamton Sweepstakes, I do agree they're our most likely candidate. Here's a breakdown of all the evidence that personally led me to that conclusion.

Let's take a look at details we know about the egg man that might help us identify him:

The room's layout resembles mysteryman and “[redacted]”

He seems to exist in a cat state, just like the eggs he gives.

Noelle's story may imply, if the man is anything like his eggs, that the man is disturbing in some way.

There is graffiti clue of the egg tree in the same color as the ICE-E spraypaint in the alley. (Credit to VGFM for noticing this!)

He can be seen in a car.

While in the car, he is waving at us, and he “might be happy to see” us.

Spamton may know him.

He has never spoken out loud.

Comparing this to Everyman:

Everyman has not appeared in the overworld yet. (Unconfirmed)

We don't know enough about UTDR's cat states or Everyman to confirm or deny this point. (Unconfirmed)

Everyman is disturbing enough to have their first appearance be in the True Lab lmao (Likely)

Graffiti of Everyman is right next to the ICE-E graffiti. (Plausible)

We don't know if Everyman can drive lol (Unconfirmed)

We don't know if Everyman would wave to us or not, since we know little about them, but they are described as “Just a good guy who shows up on occasion,” and “might be happy to see you” seemingly would either be a reference to a cat state (as in “they might be happy, they might not be”), or referring to being uncertain if the egg man is happy (as in “they might be happy, but I could be wrong”) - the latter would make sense, as Everyman has never emoted with their face in any appearance so far, and would thus be difficult to read. (Plausible)

We don't know for sure if Spamton knows Everyman, but we do have this interesting line: “WE DON'T NEED ANY [Man, Woman or Child] [At Half-Price]!” While it's unclear what character, if any, “[At Half-Price!]” is referring to*, every other bracket in these “WE DON'T NEED...”s seems to indicate a character Spamton knows: [Easels] seems to be Swatch, [CRTs] seems related to an upcoming Chapter 3 character from the “cathode crew,” and obviously there's Mike. And I suspect that “[Man, Woman or Child]” may indicate “Everyman.” It includes the “man” part while throwing out a generic umbrella for a lot of people - "every." (Plausible)

Everyman has never spoken out loud. In fact, their silence is such a notable part of their character that their Queen battle cameo has them give a noticably blank dialogue bubble, in stark contrast with all the others. They visibly fall to their knees in agony when overtaken by butterflies, but cannot scream. Even their visual design has them noticably lacking a mouth. (Likely)

As you can see, many of these points range from plausible matches to confirmed ones. And the remaining points are left inconclusive, not deconfirmations.

There's also these additional clues:

The egg given to Noelle was titled ““SPECIAL”” in quotations and without a period. In the first documentation of Everyman's name, Fox replied “”Everyman”” exclusively in quotations and without a period.

Noelle notes that the egg “didn't seem to be doing anything" - in most of Everyman's appearances, they do not move, with the exceptions being after they are attacked and taken over by butterflies, and while they are propelled by a carousel (but still stationary themself).

Everyman is made of round shapes, which could concievably allow them to appear in Cat Petterz.

Subjectively, Everyman resembles a white, embryonic-looking bird, all of which relate to eggs. Spamton even mentions the white color of the egg man's eggs when saying “A WHITE ONE, THAT'S SURELY [another man's treasure].”

Subjectively, I think the Waltz of Seccom Masada, or whatever the egg room theme is called now, suits the Everyman character very well: starts in major key to indicate friendliness, but something is slightly, unnervingly off about it...strange, even. (ba dum tss) Everyman's visual design is similarly made up of round, friendly shapes, yet is very disturbing due to a variety of factors.

“Just a good guy who shows up on occasion” perfectly describes the egg man's appearances behind the trees.

Again, Everyman is also heavily tied to the term “man”: both with “Everyman” and “strangeman.”

Literally clones their head like an egg.

We know little about Everyman, but what we do know seems to line up with the man behind the tree.

*(If I could hazard a guess, I don't actually think [At Half-Price!] is referring to a character, but a property about [Man, Woman, or Child]. Specifically, I think Spamton means that the character has been "cut in half" in some way. Why do I think this? See my theory about division through reflection, a motif that seems to be cropping up a lot.)

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

every time i see someone claim the ancients were a magical indigenous utopia to aspire to (with 'a few little problems'), and any criticism of them as a society is apologia for native genocide, i clutch my head in agony. never change, twitter