#which is probably an overreaction but i'm very upset

[griddlegold]

if you have plans w someone that have an end deadline (has to be over by x time) it's polite to actually be available before 30 minutes before the end time. btw. instead of just casually rescheduling for the next day without even apologizing despite knowing i've been waiting for you for four hours, because you have my fucking schedule, and also we planned this AROUND my schedule bc i was the only one busy today

[youunravelme]

to all the girls you loved before part 2

author's note: here's part 2!

pairing: single dad!mat barzal x reader

summary: being a nanny for rich people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to you, until you started working for mat.

warnings: children, rich people, mentions of absent parent

day twenty-nine

"i honestly think you're overreacting," your roommate, natalie, said from her position on your bed. "it's your boss' mom, not your boyfriend's. in fact, you weren't even this torn up about meeting jason's parents."

you were pacing back and forth in front of your closet. normally, you'd be in leggings and a tee shirt when you went to mat's apartment, but you were starting to wonder if you should dress differently.

"that's because jason's mom doesn't have a grand baby i'm in charge of."

"no, she just has a son whose heart you own." you stopped your pacing and sighed. "have you even talked to jason about this?"

the very thought of that argument made you want to bang your head against the wall.

day twenty-seven

it was eleven thirty p.m. when you got home from work. mat had a late game and then press afterwards, but you'd be willing to bet if he didn't have ella waiting at home for him, he'd be out partying with his teammates.

as usual, mat apologized for keeping you out so late but like every other time, you just waved off his apologies, grabbed your bag, and headed home.

your original plan was to hop in the shower and hop into bed, but that was all disrupted when you saw jason sitting on the couch.

"hey?" you said though it sounded more like question than anything.

"where were you?" he asked.

a moment passed. all you did was blink. "what?"

"it's eleven thirty, where were you? out partying?"

"i told you i was working."

jason stood to his full height, just shy of six foot. "why are you so defensive?"

you guffawed. "because you're in my apartment interrogating me before i can even take off my shoes? maybe that's why."

"i'm just asking you questions, babe."

you rolled your eyes and slipped off your shoes. "it's too late for this. i need to go to bed because i have to work tomorrow."

"so you're just gonna walk away from this? we're not done here."

"jason, i'm tired. i've been with a baby all day. can we please continue this conversation another day?"

he held eye contact before huffing. "fine."

"thank you." you walked into your bedroom and shut the door behind you, sighing in relief when you pressed your back against it.

a ding sounded from your phone. a quick glance down had you smirking.

mat barzal sent you $800.

thanks - mat.

day twenty-nine

"hello?" your roommate snapped in your face. "are you listening? i asked you about jason and you just zoned out."

you shook your head and ran a hand down your face. "the conversation was less than pleasant, but we'll manage as we always do." she looked unconvinced but you were too busy scrolling through your camera roll to notice. "so what do i wear?"

natalie rolled her eyes at the poor effort put into changing the subject. "i told you he wouldn't be happy with the news. you're spending a lot of time over there with mat." she paused. "go with jeans and a tee shirt. you're meeting your boss' mom, not the queen of england."

you rolled your eyes. "he acts like i'm in love with mat," you said as you stripped off your sweats and pulled on the clothes natalie suggested. "i barely know the guy outside of ella."

"i'm just saying, i've been talking to jason and he's asked me if the amount of time you spent over there was normal."

interesting. you paused, but decided to unpack that comment later. "it's just a job," you said. "it's no different than what i was doing for erin when her girls were still really young."

"yeah but--"

"but what? seems like you're both upset that mat is a guy my age, which i cannot control. besides, the money is too good to turn down." after pulling on your shoes, you all but slammed your closet doors shut, signifying the end of the conversation.

"are you okay?"

"fine." you gathered your bag and slid on a coat on your way to the front door. "i'll see you later."

and you shut the door without another word.

by the time you get to mat's apartment, you're a little less irritated with your boyfriend and roommate. mainly because you know how to be professional, and meeting your boss' mom with an attitude was not the best of first impressions.

you only had to knock twice before the door swung wide open to reveal mat's smiling face. and unlike normal, ella wasn't in his arms.

"where's ella bean?" you asked while walking into his apartment.

mat shut the door behind you. "hello to you too. i'm doing fine thanks for asking. how're you?"

before you could even stop yourself, you were spinning around so he could see you roll your eyes. "i don't get paid to talk to you, mat. i get paid to watch your cute baby." you looked around. "so where is she?"

"i should warn you," he started, sounding nervous all of a sudden. "it's not just my mom--"

"is that her?" an unfamiliar voice called out. "is that your nanny, sweet ella love?"

a middle aged woman rounded the corner with ella in the cutest little strawberry dress you'd ever seen. "i'm so happy to meet you," she greeted almost immediately. "i'm nadia." she stuck her free hand out to shake yours. "and you are an answered prayer."

"mom," mat groaned from behind you. "can you cool it on the overreactions?"

she ignored him. "when mat called me and explained the situation, i had no idea what i was going to do, but then he told me about how you just agreed and i could tell it took a load off his shoulders."

ella started whining and reaching for you. which you were grateful for, considering mat's mom looked like she was about to start crying and, well, you never did well with adult tears.

"mom, i think you're making her uncomfortable," mat said from his new position standing next to his mother.

"oh shut up, mathew," another voice piped in. "you always were embarrassed of your family." a brunette walked into the room wearing a smirk you'd only seen on mat's face.

"that's not it, liana," he grumbled. "i just don't need you scaring away the only other person ella likes."

"that's not true," you cut in before things get out of hand (or before mat unintentionally compliments you again). "ella likes most people."

"she just likes you the most."

"mat, really, you can't still be bitter that she wanted me over you last week--"

"i'm her father! she should want me more!"

"she does!"

mat reached for her, but ella shrunk away with a coy smile. "see?! my own child prefers you," he said with no real malice. in fact, if you knew him better, you might've even recognized the look on his face as the start of a smile.

liana, whose presence you completely forgot about, spoke up. "with an attitude like that, it's no wonder," she deadpanned. "but enough about that, we're gonna be late for lunch if we keep wasting time."

your brows pulled together. "lunch?"

"i wanted to thank you for taking care of my baby and my grand baby."

you spared a glance at mat who was biting his knuckles, probably to distract himself from the redness in his cheeks.

"oh mrs. barzal there's no need--"

"call me nadia, sweetheart. and yes, there is a need. where i'm from, rejecting lunch is an insult."

"mom, that's not even true." but she held a hand up to cut mat off.

"shall we?" she gestured to the door.

you exchanged a glance with mat who looked just as helpless as you felt. "sure."

by the time you made it to the restaurant, your arms and back were aching from carrying ella. in another life, you might've considered taking the stroller was worth the effort of pushing it through a busy restaurant, but in this life, you were an idiot.

"take her," you pushed ella into mat's chest in the most gentle way you could manage without dropping her.

"you good?" he asked.

"my arms are numb."

"one of us could've taken her at any point of the walk, all you had to do was say something."

you shrugged. "well, this is me saying something."

from the corner of your eye, you saw liana watching the both of you like an interesting tennis match, but you ignored it, there was no room in your brain for interpreting a stranger's gaze.

"this way, you four," nadia said before she followed the hostess to the table.

the five of you got settled, with ella in the high chair between you and mat. it was in the moment of looking at the menu that your heart dropped to your stomach.

"oh my god," you said.

mat looked over immediately, and maybe if you weren't focused on his face, you would've seen the concerned glances from his sister and mother. "what?" he asked.

"i forgot to bring her puree, she usually eats lunch at this time."

"oh honey," nadia smiled and pulled out some baby food and a bib from her bag. "we took care of that before we left. you don't need to stress."

you nodded and sat back, feeling the weight of the world disappear from your shoulders. "sorry to freak everyone out."

"i'll take that any day over mat's moodiness."

"shut the hell up, liana," he grumbled with no real bite.

"please excuse my children," nadia smiled. "you feed them, give them shelter, teach them right from wrong, and they still embarrass you in public."

you laughed before you could stop yourself. "i've seen worse," you said.

"oooo now this is something i actually want to hear," liana started. "what's the worst thing you've ever seen in all your nannying?"

"mat's cooking," came out of your mouth before you could even stop it. the very phrase sent everyone (but mat) into a tailspin of laughter, even ella giggled when she saw everyone else.

"it's not that bad," he defended.

"yes it is," his sister and mother said in unison.

you opened your mouth for a rebuttal, but the buzzing of your phone in your back pocket cut you off. confused, you pulled your phone out and saw a text message from your boyfriend.

when can i expect you home? or are you too busy getting lunch with your boss?

your fingers hovered over the keyboard. you didn't remember telling jason about the lunch, especially because you didn't even know you were getting lunch with mat and his family until you arrived at his place.

immediately, you started looking around for him. he shouldn't be there considering he had work, but there's no way he could've known unless he was spying on you.

unless he checked your location.

"you alright?" mat asked, leaning in a little so he didn't draw his family's attention, who were, for the most part, pretending to read the menu to not arouse suspicion.

you typed a quick "idk" and tucked your phone back in your pocket before you made eye contact with mat. "'m fine."

lunch in total lasted about two hours with mat's mom and sister sharing embarrassing stories of his childhood. they explained that his dad was stuck working and couldn't make the trip that time but would later on in the season. you stayed until it was clear ella was about to pass out or cause a scene. though this time, mat was in charge of carrying her back to his apartment.

"are you going to the game tonight?" liana asked once you were back in the safety of mat's living room.

you shook your head no. you weren't even aware of a game going on today. the only times you knew a hockey game was happening in town was when mat needed you to watch ella in the evenings. aside from that? you were clueless.

"you should come!"

"who would watch ella?" you gestured to the baby as nadia took her down the hall to her nursery. she was falling asleep on his shoulder.

liana waved her hand. "she can come!"

mat made a noise in the back of his throat. "it would probably conflict with her sleep schedule. we can take her when she's older."

"besides," you continued. "my boyfriend is a rangers fan so--"

"what?" liana cut you off almost immediately.

you blinked. "what? is that a problem?" there was a nasty feeling creeping up on you and you didn't like it one bit. it only occurred when you were arguing with jason or when your parents accused you of being too self centered when you backed out of a family gathering.

"no!" liana said. "i mean they're a rival of the islanders so there's that, but i just thought that maybe you and--" she glanced to her left where mat stood with his arms crossed and gaze dark. "...never mind."

"what?" you asked.

"i--"

"liana, i think mom is calling you," mat cut in. you recognized sibling telepathy for what it was but didn't bother even trying to decipher it. when she left the room, he finally looked at you. "i'm sorry about that, i don't want to ambush you or anything."

"you didn't, i mean, i was surprised by the lunch offer but i mean, i'm appreciative of it all." you didn't say anything for a moment, choosing your next words carefully. "is it, um..."

"is it what? you can tell me."

"is it a problem that my boyfriend is a rangers fan? i honestly didn't know until a few days ago when i mentioned you and--"

"how do you not know what team your boyfriend cheers for?"

"i didn't even know he liked hockey until i started working for you."

mat groaned your name. "are you serious?" he laughed.

you slapped his arm with the back of your hand and decided not to dwell on how solid he felt. "don't laugh!"

"i'm just saying it's kinda crazy you didn't know he was a rangers fan until a few days ago. how long have you been dating?"

"like...two years?"

he laughed again. "are you telling me or asking me?"

"it's been roughly two years." a yawn escaped your lips before you could stop it.

"you good?" he asked.

you shrugged. "didn't get much sleep last night."

"why don't you go home for a little bit, i'll text you if i need you tonight, it'll depend on if mom and liana go to the game."

"you sure?"

mat smiled and nodded. "get some rest, and i'll see you later."

as if there was some higher power controlling your face, you found your lips turning up at the corners and smiling back at him.

taglist:

@whenmypartysover @sunflowerhood @spencereidbasis

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both Worlds (Part 29)

Tw: mental breakdown and thoughts that made you go a little "wtf", mentions of non con touching, a bit of smut, chapters kinda short

okay here u go Evangeline enjoyers

Part 30

You decided to confront her. The suspense as to why she did what she did is killing you.

So you have to work, on composing a long-winded paragraph with a beginning, middle, and end. Your hands were shaky from the adrenaline coursing through your veins, you were never really assertive. So this is very new to you, yet exciting, yet frightening.

You tried not to be too accusatory and not too dismissive. It was hard because you either tend to paint her as a horrible person or paint yourself as an overreactive dramatic. However, you managed to find the right balance with the ultimate goal of extracting her reasoning behind her latest behavior towards everyone.

You held your breath as you tapped send.

You waited and waited while chewing on your nails. Imagining all the ways she would respond. Anger? Remorse? Revenge? Nonchalance? It could be anything, even no response at all.

Which you thought you might be getting. She hasn't replied to you yet and it's been 30 minutes since you sent it. You sighed, she's probably just busy and will take her time to read too, you should be patient and find a way to calm your nerves.

You were about to put your phone down and prepare yourself dinner; which is just following the instructions Yves plastered on its container- usually only involving the microwave or the saucepan. You jolted when your phone buzzed to life, your mouth was gaping wide when you saw the contact to be your dreaded friend: Evangeline.

You whimpered, pacing around the room as you let it vibrate. You feel unprepared, inexperienced, and upset. You regret doing this in the first place. You wish you could just disappear into a hole somewhere, or disappear into Yves's warm embrace.

It stopped ringing. A text message took its place after that.

"Pick up"

She didn't give you more than ten seconds to read before attempting to call you again.

So you decided to take a leap of faith and answer her call.

"(name)? I read your text, what are you talking about?" She sounded concerned and worried, and there were hints of something darker that you picked up in her voice.

She did not read your text. At least, she refused to understand it. You were clear in what you wanted from her; which was to stop doing what she was doing and reflect upon her actions, giving you her rationale behind her offenses at the same time.

You summarized it, telling her that she was confusing and weird. You didn't like how she tried to touch you without your consent. You cannot figure out for the life of you if she was on Montgomery's side, Yves's, or yours.

"I'm on your side, of course. I'm your friend! What? So I can't touch you now? I think you need to get out of your shell more, (name). That didn't mean anything, you can touch me the same way too if you want to get even--"

You cut her off and told her no. You don't think whatever she's doing is merely a friendly gesture. You felt dirty and violated even having Evangeline suggest that you do the same to her.

There was a beat of silence, followed by a sigh.

"...I'm sorry you felt that way, (name). I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just trying to be a good friend."

You didn't know what to say next. Soon after, you heard sniffling and soft weeping.

"I'm so sorry. You're such a good friend to me, I don't want to lose you. Please don't be mad at me." Her voice cracked and wavers. You

You don't know how you feel about her reaction. But you do know that, unlike Yves, you have the power to walk away from her. He's coming back tomorrow anyway, so you won't be the 'friendless' on campus anymore. So you can afford to cut her off because she's acting strange and you think that being with her, will lead to more trouble.

You told her that you're not mad at her. But you don't feel comfortable hanging out with her anymore.

"What?! W-why? I apologized, what more do you want me to do?" She raised her voice and strained it painfully. You hear that she began to sob and wail.

You told her that there was nothing she could do except to move on. You wished her the best and said goodbye.

You hung up before she could get another word in. You immediately blocked her and flopped onto your bed. The breath you exhale felt like smoke evacuating your lungs, you felt you could breathe properly again without feeling too worked up. At least that chapter of your life is done, you most likely would either need to take the bus or Yves would drive you around. Fine by you, no Evangeline or Mr. Jones in sight.

You will let Yves handle Montgomery, he has a bigger, legal hammer to beat him with.

__

"Sweetie...?" Mr. Jones creaked the door to her room open, letting the lights from the hallway spill into her pitch-dark room.

She was crying, her breathing was choppy and her whimpers bounced off the walls. Evangeline was sobbing into her pillows, her blond hair was a mess around her, unlike her usual combed style. Her beautiful dress was wrinkled and her blue eyes were red and puffed.

Her father stared at her with heartbreak and pity. You must have told her already. However, he knows that this behavior of hers needs to be addressed. Evangeline's mother is cooking downstairs, she was never the type to be compassionate in her discipline methods. So Mr. Jones decided to be the one to break the news to her.

"Oh, Evangeline..." He switched the lights on and sat right next to her sniveling form.

She didn't acknowledge his presence, nor did she wish to talk to him. But he has to discuss with his daughter that some things aren't acceptable.

"Sir Yves... he called me earlier." Mr. Jones felt her entire body tense up to the mention of his client. "Mx. (Name) told him you were touching them inappropriately, is that true?" He was gentle with his words, careful not to provoke his already emotionally unstable daughter.

She neither confirms nor denies. Evangeline just stayed very still.

"...Please, Evangeline. You have to talk to me." He pleaded, rubbing a soothing hand on her shoulder. "What's going on?"

No response.

He shuffled himself on the bed uncomfortably. Mr. Jones cleared his throat.

"You can tell us anything. You know Mommy and Daddy love you no matter what." Evangeline moved a bit, but it was only to adjust her positioning. Her face remains buried in her pillow.

"I-I don't get it, I know you're a good girl but... these things that happened to you, these things you did... Why?" He asked, gently shaking her as Mr. Jones looked at her in desperation.

"Hitting your baby cousins suffering from illnesses, pushing your pregnant aunt Myrtle down the stairs, accusing your uncle Ben of infidelity, the rumors about some... ridiculous cheating scandals, and now this? Why?" Tears threatened to fall from his eyes as well, he bit back his lip to try and avoid it from rolling down his cheek.

He retracted his hand when he felt Evangeline trembling. It was soon made known to him that she was shaking in hysterics.

"You are all so ungrateful! I was trying to help everyone!" She snapped, her heart holding an ugly contempt for the world around her, which included her doting father.

"They weren't going to live long anyways, their mothers constantly complain of needing to take care of their children. I wanted to save Aunt Myrtle from that horrible, horrible fate, but I'm the villain? Uncle Ben hated his wife and kids, he wanted to escape. I gave him that escape, didn't I? He went ahead and married a woman much prettier and younger than his ex, didn't he? Why am I the villain?" She screamed as she hyperventilated, her father taking a step backward to avoid her erratic movements.

"Evangeline-"

"I didn't- I didn't steal her boyfriend! I was trying to get along with him, I wanted us to be a big happy group but they were fighting. I didn't want them to fight..." She sobbed loudly into her hands. Her nails dig into the delicate flesh on her face as she tries to quell her rage. "They were my friends! (Name) was my friend, I tried to help them, I tried..."

She crumbled to her knees and bawled. "I tried helping them get along with Sir Yves, but I was punished for it. I tried helping them get along with Monty, but I was... told I was 'weird'. I just wanted something back, I just wanted to touch them, they were so good to me... I wanted to touch them. Was that so wrong?"

"Yes, Evangeline! You can't just... touch them like that! You don't touch your friends in that manner, you don't touch anyone in that manner! What are you..." He was at a loss for words. Her father tried looking back at what was being taught to her, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but why couldn't she think normally? Her logic is distorted and her sense of entitlement is demented, it's much more serious considering that she began her unhinged quests for justice just a year ago.

She looked away and wept some more. Evangeline is alone again, a feeling so familiar to her. It's ironic, that her parents tried to expose her to as many people as they could to improve her loneliness as an only child. But in a room full of children and adults who she knew on a first-name basis, she was alone. So, so alone.

There is nobody in the world she could tell her thoughts to. She tried telling her mother, her so-called 'friends', her extended family... they all deemed her crazy. She was forbidden to have her truest opinion on life and Evangeline never understood why, it felt unfair, it felt like the world was against her. Not even the vastness of the internet allowed her to find like-minded companions, she was shunned out of communities she desperately yearned to be in for being true to herself.

"You're just like the rest..." She mumbled inaudibly under her breath. "It's useless..." She muttered, a bit more coherently now. Enough for her father to pick up on.

"What's useless, sweetie?" He wiped away his own tears of anguish, it was horrible to see his child suffer like this, but he did not have the skills or understanding to help her.

"Crying about it... it's useless." She sniffled and wiped away her tears. Mr. Jones watched her blink multiple times with a neutral expression.

Evangeline stared into the distance for a few minutes. She didn't blink nor did she speak, not a single twitch of her muscle could be seen or felt. Her father was worried that she wasn't even breathing because her sniffles stopped and the girl let her nose drip freely. Her blue eyes are dilated and blank.

"Evangeline...?" Her father hesitantly shook her by the shoulder. She blinked one last time, allowing a tear from each eye to roll down her already damp cheeks.

When she opened her eyes once more, her usual girlish sparkle was back. Evangeline blew her nose on a piece of napkin she pulled from her tissue box nearby. She crumpled the soiled sheet in her hands, a long strip of muscle on the inner side of her wrist was raised when she squeezed it in her fist. She let go and threw it into her trash can.

"All better." She smiled, patting the area under her eyes with her fingertips.

Baffled by her sudden, impossible change, Mr. Jones tried asking her all the questions in his head, but it came out as a pathetic stutter.

"I'm sorry for costing you a customer, Daddy." Her eyes were downcast. "I promise I won't do it again."

Mr. Jones's eyes darted around her. Confused and terrified at this strange switch of hers. "Sweetie, I-"

"If you'll excuse me, Daddy, I need to freshen up." She stood up and smoothed her hair. "Please leave my room, I will join you and Mommy downstairs for dinner, later. Okay?"

He has no words to give. So he nodded and as usual, became a pushover for his daughter.

She guided him out, waved goodbye with the sweetest smile, and closed the door. Her hand went to the knob to lock it shut.

She took a moment to stare into space as she listened for her father's footsteps. Once she's positive that he has gone downstairs, she lets out a sigh.

Evangeline switched her lights off and headed to her bed. She laid on it and picked her phone up.

The screen illuminates her face. She made a few taps on it and soon found herself scrolling through her picture gallery.

"Maybe it isn't so bad to be the Villain..." She mumbled to no one in particular, grinning to herself.

Her pupils dilated tremendously when her optics landed on a picture of you on the beach. You were bending over and collecting seashells, so focused on your activity that you didn't notice a pair of lenses capturing this moment.

Evangeline's breathing became more ragged as her eyes glimmered at the sight of your mildly saltwater-dampened rear. You're such a prude, how she wished you wore something a bit more accessible. That would have made her very happy. Maybe if it was a little warmer, you would have worn something a lot more revealing and easier to worm her depraved digits around.

Her soft hands slowly slid down to her panties, torturously tucking one finger at a time under the fabric.

The more the blonde stared at different pictures of you, the further her perverted hands and thoughts went.

She stifled a moan as she touched herself, she imagined doing all kinds of unspeakable things to you. She wanted to see you under her, she wanted to see you squirm and beg for her forgiveness. Evangeline wanted to ravage you like the beast she was under that heroine-like persona.

She quivered as she pumped her fingers into herself. But her eyes never strayed away from that photo of you. Evangeline wanted to take you so badly, she wanted to overpower you and have you pinned against the wall, the bed, the floor... She drooled at the thought of you so helpless and despaired.

Her baby blues shifted towards your clueless face. You looked like you never experienced the high of an orgasm before. She could fix that, she could make you cum over and over again until you fell unconscious in her fluffy pink handcuffs, eyes rolled back into your head, and all your orifices dripping with sexual fluids. What a sight, she thinks.

She had to push her face into her pillow as she let out a powerful moan.

Even then, she still went on. Furiously rubbing herself and imagining herself as this antihero in your story. But ultimately, you saw her as your savior in her mind.

[mentalhomosexual]

My girl .𖥔 ݁ ˖⊹ ࣪ ˖‍

pairing: Kazuha x fem reader

summary: you and zuha finally reunite after being apart for a bit while lesserafim film a music video in another country.

tags: mainly just fluff but gets a bit suggestive in the end 🙇🏽‍♀️ (there might be spelling errors- commas and shit are not where they're supposed to 😭)

You were getting tired of seeing her through a screen. her hoodie that she left for you, covered in her perfume was only doing so much. she was supposed to be home days ago but something went wrong in the shoot and they had to stay for a couple more days, but you were losing your mind. You would call her whining every night about how you couldn't sleep without her and she would stay on the phone till you fall asleep, smiling as she looks at your beautiful face as you rest, softly singing you a lullaby. But as the days pasted she began to get very busy had little to no time to talk to you. Which made you very upset and sad, you knew she had no control over it but still. You are stubborn and she's truly spoiled you rotten with her attention, so when you're not receiving it you act bratty. you ignored her occasional call around lunch time which caused her to blow you up with text

"baby? :("

"why aren't you answering me?"

"we always eat lunch together...💔"

"did i do something wrong?"

"baby just talk to me.."

":(...I have to go now but i'll call you later"

Are you overreacting? yes. but you can't help but be upset. She knows how you get when she doesn't speak to you when she's out of town. Eventually you couldn't ignore her anymore. Just as you get deep in thought your phone rings and her name flashes on your screen, you quickly answer her facetime call and her worried face fills your phone screen. you feel awful. seeing her look at you like that.. you regretted acting the way you did. her soft voice fills your ears and you immediately feel your body relax.

"Baby...I was so worried...what happened?"

you press your lips together looking away from the screen, embarrassed by your actions.

"I'm sorry...I just miss you so much and you weren't talking to me as much...I got upset.."

you admit shamefully, making eye contact with her again and seeing her face soften.

"my love....if you feel a certain way talk to me about it. please. I love you and i don't wanna ever hurt you"

you feel your checks heat up at the pet name but you nod

"I know baby..I just miss you. look i've been wearing your hoodie everyday basically since you left"

you chuckle as you lift your phone up to show her hoodie on your body as you're curled up in bed.

"Well it looks better on you anyway~ but don't worry i've got good news"

you raise an eyebrow, intrigued by what this news may be,

"oh yeah? and what's that?" you say as you grin

"I'll be home tomorrow!! well You'll probably be asleep when i get there but I'll be there when you wake up~"

she says as she smiles, clearly excited to tell you this, her smile makes your lips curve into a smile as well.

"thank god. im going crazy over here" you pout as kazuha erupts into laughter

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

You two stay on the phone basically all night but kazuha eventually has to go and catch her flight but she showers you will reassurance that the both of you will spend all day together and she will make up for lost time, she blows you a kiss before hanging up and you feel more at ease now that the air has been cleared, you lay your head on your pillow and fall asleep thinking of kazuha being there.

It soon gets to be 5 in the morning and you start to hear noises in your sleep, you crack open your eyes and you see kazuha taking off her jacket and hanging it on the back of a chair before changing into her pajamas. when she turns she's met with your half sleep expression

"hi baby, sorry if i woke you, i was trying to be quiet"

she whispered softly as she slipped into bed with you. you immediately cling to her, burying your face in her chest. Kazuha holds you as she plays with your hair

"I'm so glad you're home my love"

you say lowly as you sit up and place yourself in your rightful spot, Kazuha's lap 😋 you both look into each others eyes, sitting in comfortable silence yet so much is being said.

"you know....you look very sexy in my hoodie~"

Zuha hums as she caresses your face, looking into your eyes longingly. you smirk and lean into her touch

"yeah? I look a mess right now, I literally just woke up"

you chuckle as teasingly leaned in closer to her face

"Well to me...my beautiful girl always looks good. and seeing you in my clothes just add to that~"

she praises you as she meets you half way and starts to kiss you. The kisses start off sensual and slow but eventually Zuha's hands began to roam your curves that she loved so much. breathy moans and wet noises are all that can be heard. you both grind against each other for just a little friction

"mmm~ you drive me crazy you know? getting me this riled up at 5 in the morning~"

She says as she pulls away, panting heavily as you quite literally took her breath away.

"what do you mean? these are just welcome home kisses"

you say with a sly smirk on your face as you answer in a sarcastic tone before wrapping your arms around her neck

"I've missed you so much baby"

she huffs out as she admires your face, tucking some of your hair out of your face, you blush as you peck her lips

"I missed you more~"

you giggle before starting to kiss her again, Kazuha doesn't protest and easily gives into your lips. her veiny hands slide their way down to your ass once more, groping you as she bites your bottom lip

"Why don't you show me how much you missed me, hm?~"

she smirked as she gently grabbed a hold of you throat, she knows you love when she does that. you smirked back at her and nodded

"Gladly."

(I did not know how to end this- i've always been bad at conclusions ☹️☹️💔 BUTTT IM BACK???? MAYBE IDK)

[amethystina]

I am intrigued by all the wips honestly. Anything you give us will be amazing, I have no doubt.

I will ask about Thou Shalt Not Covet tho because it is completed.

And I LOVE the How To Build a Family for Dummies title lmao. If you feel that it fits the story, you don't have to change it imo 😆

Also, I have to ask about your health. I hope you're doing well these days and that you're getting better. If not, don't push yourself too hard. Take care of yourself either way 💜

No pressure x'D

Jokes aside: thank you 💜 I'm very flattered that a lot of you have such faith in me and my writing.

Thou Shalt Not Covet was something I wrote in a feverish haze about a week ago because I was high-key panicking over not having been able to draw or write in what felt like forever and my brain just latched on to that story. Which wasn't at all what I had planned but, apparently, what I needed at the time, so I try not to hold it against myself.

It's basically a fic about Ga On being a raging ball of jealousy for 10k straight.

... or gay, I guess?

So the title is a bit misleading since there is actually A LOT of coveting going on. Coveting of Yo Han, to be more specific.

Ga On you little sinner you.

And it's 10k before editing, I should say. Because since I wrote it with a fever, I'll probably have to add a bit as I edit. Understandably, I tend to miss a lot of details when I'm too feverish. The fic is set just before Kim Choong Sik's first trial, so around episode 10. Which means I'm going to have to add a couple of warnings because Yo Han does not play fair. Whenever I write Yo Han as he was during the drama I'm reminded of how far he's come in Who Holds the Devil because dear LORD is he a manipulative asshole in this one x'D

So yeah. Jealous!Ga On and a Yo Han who doesn't pull his punches. A recipe for disaster, in other words. But they work it out eventually.

Here's a snippet from the beginning of the story (though unedited so there might be changes before it's posted)

---

Ga On had never understood how utterly devastating jealousy could be until he felt it — truly felt it — for the first time.

If asked, he would have said he wasn't a jealous person. He may have felt a burst of it once or twice as he and Soo Hyun had grown up — whenever another boy had shown an interest in her — but it had faded just as quickly as it had flared up. Perhaps because, deep down, Ga On had known that Soo Hyun only had eyes for him.

There was no need for him to feel jealous since the odds of him losing Soo Hyun to another were slim.

And, in hindsight, that must have lulled Ga On into a false sense of security, giving him the impression that he wasn't the jealous type. That he was calm and rational enough not to get upset, and knew how to handle the surge of emotions that might occur. Not realizing that what he'd felt at the time wasn't jealousy — or at least not the true depth of what he was actually capable of feeling.

Ga On had underestimated his own possessiveness.

And it wasn't until he met Kang Yo Han that Ga On knew true jealousy.

His first clue that he'd misjudged himself should have been his inexplicable desire to remain within Yo Han's orbit despite having numerous reasons to stay away. All Ga On wanted was to keep pushing closer, to keep proving himself, to keep asking for that intoxicating attention that crackled like electricity down his spine. He may not want to name what he was experiencing — instinctively shying away from a revelation he knew would change his life beyond what he was ready to deal with, finding comfort in denial — but he still craved the rush it gave him. He couldn't help wanting more.

His second clue should have been his own reaction as he'd watched Jung Sun Ah fuss with Yo Han's tie during their photo shoot.

The anger Ga On had felt in that moment — curling black and vicious inside his chest — had been an overreaction of the kind that should have given him pause. But, somehow, it hadn't. Somehow, Ga On hadn't even registered it as something out of the ordinary. Some part of him had even felt justified in his anger.

As if he had a right to feel that possessive over his chief.

But the rational part of Ga On knew that he didn't. He may be sleeping in Yo Han's house and helping him with his mission to upend the world as they knew it, but they were still nothing more than coworkers.

Yo Han had never promised him anything.

---

Expect jealousy, anger, and a bit of angst. Because Ga On has abandonment issues and it actually hits pretty hard when he starts suspecting that he's not so special to Yo Han after all...

As for How to Build a Family For Dummies, the title doesn't fit the vibe AT ALL which is why I'm calling it a working title for now. It just sounds way too cute and cheerful for the actual theme and content of the story x'D But more about that in another reply since I got a specific ask about it!

Aaaaand when it comes to my health, things are really bad, unfortunately. The kind of bad I haven't had since January, with daily exhaustion fevers and lack of focus. And it's probably not going to get better anytime soon since the main cause is related to something outside of my control that will most likely take months to fix. So it's really just a matter of me trying to hold on as long as I can and, if I'm lucky, I won't break completely before I reach the other side. I guess we'll see?

Anyhow! Thank you so much for the concern and the lovely ask. You take care of yourself too 💜

WIP Tag Game

[dullorangepulp]

persona 5 fans can't keep it in their pants.

an explanation (of my boundaries) under the cut:

this is the haru fanart i posted to reddit that started this whole mess. this completely non-sexual, completely safe-for-work art prompted this guy & his friend to begin leaving sexually-charged comments under my fanart. After I asked him politely to not say that & to delete his comment, he mocked my discomfort & his friend joined in to downplay his actions.

I think I'll have to clarify this so that no one thinks i'm some kinda anti-horny, anti-free speech prude: there is nothing wrong with finding a fictional character attractive. there is nothing wrong with expressing your attraction to a fictional character on a public forum. there is nothing wrong with saying that you find a fictional character hot. I find plenty of fictional characters hot, & if I were confident enough, I'd totally belt out my love for a fictional character from the rooftops.

that's not the problem. the problem is that there was no prompting for this comment whatsoever. the fanart i posted didn't have haru in any kind of skimpy fanservice-y outfit, she wasn't doing anything sexual, she's literally just standing in a white void wearing futaba's normal clothes, so there was no reason for this guy to start salivating at the mouth at my drawing of her.

I'll use some fanart I did of a character in a skimpy fanservice-y outfit as an example of when I'm okay with someone commenting how hot she is:

If someone commented "why is Aigis so hot", I wouldn't be creeped out at all. In fact, I'd probably either express gratitude at them engaging with my post, or I'd just ignore it & not reply. This is because everyone knows playboy bunny costumes are skimpy, fanservice-y outfits worn in adult entertainment spaces. So, it makes perfect sense for someone to comment that they found my art of Aigis in a bunny suit hot, because I drew & then posted this with the awareness/expectation that I'd get that kind of comment. If I didn't want to see people comment that they found my art of "Aigis in a bunny suit" hot, then I would've just never drawn or posted it in the first place. If someone commented that they found Aigis in a bunny suit hot, & I got mad at them over it, then yeah, I'd be overreacting because it wasn't that serious. I'd 100% be the asshole in that scenario, & i'd deserve to get called out for it.

The problem with this guy's comment is just how unnecessary it was. This guy could've just said "why is haru so pretty" or "why is haru so cute" & that wouldn't have made me uncomfortable at all! This is because "pretty" & "cute" are normal, non-sexually-charged compliments that you can just give to strangers & no one would bat an eye. Plus, it'd make me happy to hear that someone found my drawing of Haru pretty/cute, because it'd mean I was able to accurately draw her (since Haru is already very pretty, it's just that me being able to draw her pretty means I've gotten good at drawing characters to look like their canon pretty selves.) I myself have commented on many people's posts & said that I found a fictional character pretty/cute, & it'd be wildly hypocritical of me to say that others can't do the same.

This is especially egregious when you consider that r/churchofharu, the subreddit i posted this fanart on, already ALLOWS NSFW posts! So, this guy could've just made his "why is haru so hot" comment on any of those! But noooo, he had to comment on one of the only few SFW fanarts, & he had to comment "why is haru so hot" instead of "why is haru so pretty" or something else along those lines. You guys just don't understand! He had to tell me "lol just cope" when I expressed my discomfort at him announcing his sexual fantasies to a random stranger, who he doesn't know the boundaries of, whose AGE he doesn't know, & who he doesn't know if I'm fine w/ horny comments in general (which I am, btw, just not on my SFW art.)

That's honestly what upsets me the most; how people online don't take the time to consider how the fanartist themselves feels having to read their degenerate comments. People on the internet in general don't see other internet users as people. & in the internet's post-tiktok era, people don't really see fanartists as people, but as content-creators. This guy & his friend are hardly the first people to not listen to others boundaries, or to overstep them then go "lol just cope" when the person gets upset at them. That's what ragebait is, after all. & everyone knows to just ignore that.

The problem is that this guy isn't trolling or ragebaiting. He's 100% serious, & he actually thinks his actions are perfectly fine. Those are the most dangerous kinds of people; the ones who don't realize the things they say are wrong, who never self-reflect, & who actually treat others like they're not human, because they don't see them as human.

If you got to the end of this & you still somehow think I'm some kind of soyboy, weak willed, anti-sex prude that needs to grow thicker skin, then like, yeah sure, I probably should grow thicker skin (no to all the other stuff tho, did you even read the post? nothing I said was anti-sex or implied that I'm a prude. everything i said contradicts that, in fact). But that doesn't mean that that guy's comment was okay. On any other site, If I don't like a comment on my post, I can just block the person & it'll delete their comment, or I can just delete the comment manually. On reddit though, that person's comment is gonna stay there forever unless a mod deleted it, or they deleted it themself (which I POLITELY asked them to do! you can see how well that turned out -_-)

As a general rule of thumb, don't say things online that you wouldn't say to someone in person. If you wanna say horny things, go to a r34 website or 18+ discord server. If you wanna comment on someone's SFW fanart of a character you find attractive, just say "this character is pretty/cute/whatever". If you think that you can't keep it in your pants & the urge to comment something horny on SFW fanart is too strong, then just scroll past! no one is forcing you to comment on every post you see! & especially no one is forcing you to comment your sexual desires about a character on someone's completely SFW post when the fanartist never asked you to, nor consented to read, nor is old enough to know that you shouldnt normalize leaving sexually-charged comments on people's fanart when you DON'T KNOW THE FANARTIST'S AGE.

[yesterdayiwrote]

Ok I don’t really have a lot of proof to back any of this up but I feel like there’s something going on with George behind the scenes ? He doesn’t seem as active on social media lately , and when he is it’s always just about work , and again I don’t really known why but I get this feeling like whenever I see him in interviews during the race weekends he seems very PR than normal as if he’s got a wall up ? He just doesn’t seem as relaxed and happy as normal to me . Maybe I’m just imagining it but I don’t know if the Mercedes pressure behind the scenes is getting to him or if there’s something else ..

Hmmm, honestly, I don't know and George especially is one of the more private drivers about what's going on in his life so its even harder to judge.

I would say the social media thing has been the case for a while now, and if you see tye shit the poor guy gets everytime he posts anything, I don't think it's hard to see why he might be pulling back from using it even more, even via a social media manager because its not nice for anyone to have to trawl through the stuff that gets put in his comments without a second thought.

I also think people have this weird misconception that just because a driver isn't active online like you or I, that they don't know what's getting said about them, when in reality they have people whose entire job it is to tell them what kind of impression they're making online and what people's perceptions of them are. I'm sure hearing all the unhinged bullshit that people keep creating about him is taking its toll on the poor guy. I might be biased because I'm a fan, but the amount of unwarranted negative crap that's posted online about this guy recently is genuinely unhealthy and it's at a sustained level.

If he's deemed to have caused a crash, he's harassed, if he's deemed to have been the wronged party in a crash, he's harassed. If he beats his teammate, he gets abuse, if he gets beaten by his teammate, he gets abuse. Good race, he's lucky, bad race, he's washed. If he keeps it bottled up, he's he's PR robot, if he shows his human side, he's overreacting and too emotional... and that's before you factor in the people who genuinely believe he's sleeping with his boss, the people who think he for some reason singlehandedly engineered Mercedes bad run of cars, and the people who think he has some unspecified vendetta against the guy he can't speak highly enough of at any given opportunity. Oh and the people who think it's okay to film him taking a piss and post it online to joke about. It must be genuinely exhausting to be George right now, especially as a guy who's been quite honest about the fact that he tries really hard to not upset people or cause offence. Even breathing seems to set people off these days.

Then there's the fact that the car sucks yet again. People seem to think this only bothers one driver, but I'm sure George is equally as pissed that he waited so long, put his trust and patience with Merc and this is how they've repaid him. He's barely had a chance to win six races with them, let alone six WDC.

His teammate has decided to leave and somehow in the crossfire, he's looking like he could end up losing his own seat in the mess to replace him for no valid reason whatsoever. I'm sure he's absolutely livid, as any driver would be.

He looks completely jet lagged, because he's been flying back between races which doesn't help. It also looks like he flew into Japan quite late which really wouldn't have helped matters either. He's burning the candle at both ends, under immense stress and pressure... honestly, he probably isn't very relaxed and happy right now.

I hope he starts to have some good fortune soon. I really feel for the guy, and the fact a bunch of armchair critics seem to have decided that he somehow deserves all this, for committing the cardinal sin of believing in himself, makes it even harder to really wrap your head around. As I said the other day, he's inexplicably become the bête noire du jour in online spaces, and I'm sure that feels like utter shit when it's not really identifiably clear what you've done to trigger it?

[delurkr]

I'M SORRY FOR SENDING U SO MANY ASKS

i'm planning on writing daniel and angela from little hope and i was wondering if u could maybe describe their personalities because i struggle at doing that . . . *sits in chair* of course if u don't wanna do it that's fine !

NICE so hm ok.

One thing I believe with Angela is that she's always been naturally sharp in speech and quick-witted, but now she leans even harder into being very outspoken with her criticism because she felt stifled for so long during her marriage. She's just very done with pussyfooting around people's feelings, especially with people she doesn't respect, although when someone is actually being vulnerable with her she'll drop the prickliness (like when she listens and is encouraging when Andrew talks about himself).

Relatedly, I believe she's also people-smart but not likely to update her opinions about others very often. One of her main traits is Understanding, which I think primarily applies in the sense that she is perceptive, but also it's not wrong in the sense that she'll sometimes demonstrate understanding towards people (under the right circumstances like I said). She isn't always right about people's motives though, since she's biased to more or less think the worst of people.

She can be dramatic about minor things, which would kind of seem to contrast with her self-sufficient been-through-the-trenches old war dog persona that she pushes, but I think sometimes the overreacting about things like her shoes in the middle of a bad situation is part of the persona in a way, almost like she's carrying on as usual because she's so unfazed by the big things, if that makes sense. I see the drama as also being a deflection, because while she's happy to remind everyone that she's survived hardship she also doesn't tend to want to open up about the degree to which she's actually affected by it.

Lastly on her, I'll say that she has firm opinions on what's right and what's not (in the moral sense as well as just her personal preference) and that she tends to be an outspoken observer as opposed to wanting to get in the mix and actually change things, but she's driven to get things done when she sees a need for it.

Daniel is quick to react, doesn't put a lot of thought into what he does before doing it, and, I would say, isn't too self-conscious most of the time. He's not one to read between the lines on probably anything, so if he's feeling particularly insecure he'll question if he's a problem in whatever way is relevant in a given situation, but otherwise he'll probably be coasting clueless about any issues deeper than what he sees on the surface. I feel like more subconsciously he absorbs tension and gives out what he gets in most of his dynamics though, which plays into his Defensive trait which I'll get to.

He can be quite broody, and I'd say he's the one most likely to have mood swings, for which more often than not he'll be able to tell the reason why. Not because he's introspective (he's not), but he just doesn't really hold back on his emotions as soon as he feels them. He spends more time being generally even-keeled though because he's also pretty easy going (and therefore I believe easily underestimated, in-universe by Taylor specifically when she's toying with him in a negative arc, but also by players who think his character is bland). Other people being aggravating seems to roll off him without him holding anything against them, and it's specifically when things involve Taylor when he gets more upset, and also when he can't understand why people are doing the bad things they do, because he's very kind-hearted and doesn't like to see suffering.

His Defensive trait is interesting, because he can be quick to match people's energy and clap back when someone pushes him too far, but he kind of wears his heart on his sleeve anyway so I don't believe it's accurate to say he actually maintains a tough exterior. The other sense of the word is that he's defensive about what he sees as his, property and especially people and especially Taylor. (It's when Angela makes digs at Taylor that he gets upset with Angela, otherwise she doesn't really irritate him.) And he's sensitive to injustice and reacts to it reflexively, like he's often picking (and switching) sides to defend whoever he sees as the injured party during the game.

Relatedly I think there's a sense in which he often feels responsible for others and takes that seriously. He likes to lean into the "knight in shining armor" role (particularly with Angela and Taylor) whether or not anyone asked for it. He's pretty idealistic and likes something to fight for and measure up to, and unless he's down in the dumps himself, in which case he's not unlikely to drag others down with him, he's generally trying to bolster the others up and smooth things over. I don't believe he's mature enough to be good at it though, (link to previous statements about him matching tension), but he gets frustrated when his efforts aren't appreciated because he's probably doing all he knows to do. Last note that he's not naturally out to reinvent traditional things like gender roles in regards to his own behavior, which sometimes works in his favor and sometimes doesn't.

Those are some things that came to mind and as usual anyone is free to add on or explain why I'm wrong lol, but I hope there's something that helps ❤️

[marble-running]

AND another thing.

Since Syren established that Kim cares about people's feelings now, even if he's still not the best with social cues and thinking before he speaks/acts ("I think she was trying to tell me that I'm the boy she likes. But I was a doofus and didn't realise."), so wouldn't it make more sense for him to be akumatisd because he's feeling guilty about what he did?

He can see Marinette's upset, and he can piece together from her reaction and the added context he has that the reason she's reacting like this is because of the trick he pulled on her (as shown in the episode). Since he's friendly with Marinette now (shown in Dark Cupid, somewhat ironically), he feels guilty that he's hurt his friend like this.

Then there are a few potential routes:

A) He goes to Marinette to apologise, but she tells him to piss off (maybe because she's in the throes of a panic attack, maybe because she's justifiably angry at him), which makes him feel worse and opens him up to akumatisation. The akuma here would probably be different, since what he wants here is for Marinette to feel better and forgive him. Moral: you can't make someone forgive you, and you can't just make the pain you caused someone disappear.

B) He shifts the blame onto Chloe, since it was her idea, and he wasn't trying to hurt Marinette, he thought she'd find it funny (personally I'd have it as him just trying to make himself feel better, but you can have him genuinely believe it if you want). Again, the akuma would be different, since here he doesn't want to be blamed for the trick/how it affected Marinette. Moral: it being someone else's idea doesn't absolve you of responsibility. [Disclaimer: not sure this is very in character for Kim, as I don't recall him acting this way at any point in the show.]

C, if you want to stick with Dark Humour) He's in denial about how he hurt Marinette. He says it was supposed to be funny, she's overreacting and needs to learn to take a joke, but without any real conviction. When Monarch akumatises him, he says that he agrees with Kim, people need to learn to take a joke (because emotional manipulation is his whole schtick). Kim is relieved to have someone tell him he hasn't done anything wrong (no-one wants to be responsible for hurting their friend like that), and becomes Dark Humour. (The key difference is Monarch manipulating him into thinking he's in the right, not him thinking that way from the beginning.) Here Kim's underlying guilt plays into his defeat, causing him to resist Monarch somewhat, enough for the heroes to get the upper hand. Moral: you can't just run away from your actions. The best thing you can do is own up, fix the damage if you can, and try to be better.

Bonus: it actually shows Kim as a bully character who changed his ways and feels remorse for how he used to be, contrasting him with what Astruc has decided to with Chloe. (As opposed to them throwing in one line about him promising to change at the end.)

[dodzishere]

Holy shit I'm so fucking sick of people not acknowledging that I have a disability.

I don't just outright tell people, but for the people that do know, they just ignore it like it's nothing.

I keep forgetting things like my textbooks or turning in my assignment. Maybe I misplaced my pencil. I forgot to grab something even after being reminded, and I get this look of pity or frustration. Like I understand you're frustrated, but just imagine how I feel! I'm disappointed as hell because now I'm unprepared, and this'll set me back even more.

I keep doing things on impulse and don't have a very good filter. Saying things I don't actually mean or out of pocket things like random noises or moving weirdly/jumping/dancing. I get this look of embarrassment or someone telling me to shut up very unkindly. Like, I would if I could buddie, but as it turns out, if I stop moving right now, I'll get this restless feeling that'll make me feel like I'll explode and probably be sent into a meltdown or turn my emotions into anger because I'll get overwhelmed. So fucking excuse me for doing what makes me more comfortable especially for the people around me.

I keep getting distracted, stopping mid sentence to point something out, forgetting what was just said, forgetting what somebody else said, not paying attention because I saw something else, and you get upset because you think I don't think whatever it is you are saying is important. Well, maybe if I remembered what it was, then I would. But as far as I know, that tree we just drove by was a really cool shape and- Oh look! That park looks like the one from where we used to live!

And don't get me started on people having no sense of personal space. You can't just tap my shoulder from behind and expect me not to flinch. Oh, people don't normally do that? Well, sorry, it's just that everyone right now is loud as fuck and you see that fan right there? Yeah, well, it keeps making the light look like it's glitching, and this uniform is made of the most uncomfortable material I've ever had the displeasure of feeling. I also feel like I'm sweating because my hair feels unusually thick, which is saying something because it's thick as hell. So you tapping me on the shoulder just surprised me because I, for some reason, didn't get the memo that I allowed you to touch me in the first place. But I probably wasn't listening to you, so this was your only option.

So yeah I have a fucking disability and I would like the people in my life to know that yes it exists and it's not just some fun fact about me. It affects me and it would do you some good to fucking acknowledge that. Sorry if I'm asking too much of you, though, because I know it's hard to cater to my every need. So I won't tell you any of this because you'll think I'm overreacting and just being extra :)

[schneereggen]

Hello, I hope I haven't disturbed you, there is a topic that bothers me a lot, and since you are a writer yourself and have a very good analysis of how to write, I decided to ask you about it because maybe I am the one who is wrong. My question and problem is related to the current story of Seraph and its fandom. I don't know why, but I have the feeling that the author is trying to force Yu or the original Mikaela to be the hero of the story also forcing his ideals to be the right ones, in a way that questions all of its logic until now. For example, I remember during the war between Guren and Yu, when Yu forgave Guren, everyone was upset because of why he forgave him, but now, according to the title of this new chapter, which is forgiveness for everyone, the author has actually accepted that Guren, Mahiru, or Krul, for example, should forgive all the troubles Shikamaduji brought to them, and the interesting thing is that exactly the same people who had a problem with Yu's forgiveness of Guren, have now accepted it easily, and it doesn't seem to matter to them at all that Shikama made a thousand times worse disaster to Guren, Mahiru, Farid, Krul, and his friends in exchange of what they did to Yuu. Shikama brought it to them. What kind of stupid logic is this? Yu was nothing but a toy until a few chapters ago, and now he has completely changed his personality and turned into a complete genius who seems to have the right to choose for everyone. Whether Mahiru, Ferid, Guren, Krul, Shinya, Kureto, Shinoa, etc want to forgive Shikamaduji or not is not up to Yu. If God is bad in this story, Shikamadouji, who created humans and planned their whole lives from beginning to end, is not much different from God, and he is also bad because both of them performed and played exactly the same role just for different people They, Shikama and God, are two sides of the same coin so how can we just accept one is bad and the other is good? I am really tired. This story has no meaning, it's just a series of ideologies that the author is trying to forcefully feed us, and MikaYuu fans or not, it's better to say Mika fans praise it wherever it benefits them and wherever it harms them they are knocking I really don't know what to do anymore, this story doesn't feel the way it did in the beginning and it's very upsetting to me so I decided to ask you to see if I'm just overreacting or what I'm feeling is true.

Sorry for taking so long for the answer. How long has it been? I don't even remember. All the new chapters come and go every month without me remembering much.

First thank you :) I learned a lot about writing from an editor and it's always fun to project them on series.

So back to topic, you are valid anon. I also get the feeling that the story is forced - a lot. Though I don't know if I would say for me that Yuu is the problem here but he probably plays a bigger part in the current mess.

My biggest problems with the current arc are two things:

No stakes and no consequences

Events are happening without characters having a proper motivation

No stakes and no consequences

No stakes is simple, Yuu has nothing to lose. If he doesn't succeed nothing will happen or rather we don't know what will happen. So we don't care. This is the biggest issue that makes the story meaningless. There's no tension, no real goal.

Having Yuu as the main character, a guy with no brain and the naivety of a child isn't the best choice to begin with. Especially if he doesn't have a plan. So the problem with Yuu is that he doesn't have a clear goal, a plan and the story has to bend to his benefit so he won't get killed in all of this.

Events are happening without characters having a proper motivation

Second thing is that characters now do stuff for which they don't have a reason or a motivation. Characters do stuff because they have to do it. And in the end it doesn't line up. E.g. Why should Yuu now go to Saito? Why should Yuu forgive Guren at that moment? Why should anyone understand Shikama? There's no reason behind it, not even one that you can build yourself. And that feels wrong. The story had been good in the past because characters did what made sense according to their individual goals and beliefs. Now it's all over the place.

To me it's almost as if Kagami decided once how the story should go and now doesn't know anymore how to do it. How to get to the point he wanted the characters to be. And instead of reconsidering and rewriting, what you should do as an author if you notice your story don't line up anymore, he just proceeded to write events. The only thing that is narrative consistent atm are the single chapters in itself. But that's not enough to have an engaging story.

On top, the inconsistency breaks the suspension of disbelief for me. At the beginning of the story I wanted to believe that everything that was happening had a reason. And eventually I found the reasons. But now that the characters act inconsistent and not according to their motives I started to doubt everything that's happening before I get proof that it makes sense.

Considering this, it makes sense that you start to doubt the reason for the story and what it is all about. To be at least it doesn't seem that the story is heading towards forgiveness - even though it had been a bit too fluff in the past for my liking. But I at least feel that Shikama will be the last to be forgiven even though Saito felt empathy for him? Which doesn't make much sense. But Shikama is still the villain even though he has gotten a motivation and motivation isn't bad.

To sum up, for me the problem of the story isn't the forced ideology but the writing issues and that therefore the story doesn't know where it wants to go anymore. The true masterminds do nothing interesting and there's nothing the story is heading towards.

Seraph of the End had been so cool back then and it hurts me every time to see where it is now. There was no clear goal but it at least seemed as if Yuu had a chance to turn Mika back into a human. And he was a toy which wasn't bad because it was present in an interesting way.

So your feelings are right, the story became meaningless by now.

Last point the fandom, Well, yeah the Guren hate and Shikama glory in the fandom is tiring. Any mikayuu crumbs are good and everything that actually matters is not good enough. I don't know why it became like this but I have the feeling that most fans that were actually interested in the story already left the fandom. And now a lot of fans remained that are only interested in their ship. Though personally, I wouldn't want my ship if it was written badly. So I'm hoping we will slowly get some good story moments back that will actually feel genuine again because they make sense.

[belovedcorvid]

 [ ✨positivity be upon ye✨]

　　   rory, 

　can’t believe when i first sent these notes a few months ago, my impression of you began & ended with “new friend i talk about the birds™ with. seems nice”.

seems nice? you’re one of the kindest people ever. i go crazy thinking about how kind you’ve been to me because i’m not sure i deserve it. honestly, if you didn’t send me that photo of you, i don’t think i’d believe you were real. 

you put up with so much from me: my weird questions, talking too much & busting into your dms with walls of text or 9000 thoughts, having a new hangup or crisis every other day because of where my life is at the moment — but you’re so patient with me every time. you make me feel like i’m normal & i’m allowed to feel upset about the things i’ve been through and never like i’m overreacting, or coping “wrong”, and from the perspective of someone who's been alone for a long time and spent a lot of my life being told the exact opposite, it’s genuinely changed my life. you’re an angel. i’m gonna wrap you in the coziest blanket to ever exist & shield you from all bad things forever (including your dentist, who i’m engaging in psychic combat at this very moment). 

with your schedule & health problems, your brain has to be mush most days and i’m sure i don’t help because i’m spiritually like a hamster running on a wheel who cannot shut up to save my life sometimes, which is why i wanna say thanks again. i’ll do something one day to show my gratitude in full because i don’t think my words are enough to explain how alone i felt before and how much your kindness has meant. enough to pave the roads by your house myself so you can skateboard again, for a start. 

when we first became mutuals, i was intimidated by you for maybe about two weeks (nothing you did, i just have “i’m self-conscious of cool people thinking i’m lame & annoying” disease) and i just feel so goofy about that because how on earth could i ever be intimidated by the human equivalent of a warm blanket? someone i have so much in common with, like medical things, and extremely specific feelings on haircuts and stairs? someone who will just get so absorbed in their craft projects, they’ll forget to eat sometimes? sunshine incarnate, mr. rory rabbit bnuuy last name? this guy? 

love you so very many. you’re so goofy, warm, and your soul probably feels like one of those fuzzy pom poms on winter hats. i’m gonna give you the biggest hug you’ve ever had in your life one day – and also cook you at least one meal that is both delicious and won’t make you wanna die for several weeks afterwards.

 i hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow and your bed is extra cozy so you have a wonderful night, too.

❣︎ | Unprompted :: Always Accepting |

aaaAAAAAAAAA Wilder I cannot handle how kind you are, and sometimes wonder how you're real because my brain just spins its wheels about it. I've been holding onto this for weeks now ( I think, time is messy ) trying to figure out a way to answer that will adequately communicate how much I appreciate you and love you and I'm not sure it'll work but I'm gonna try. OTL

When we first met I was scared of you, too, if it's any consolation because you seemed super comfortable and confident right away ( can't relate ) and your work is spectacular and I didn't think I'd be able to keep up. People, like many, many things in the universe are very scary to me and it's hard not to feel like an alien in a human disguise doing very poorly at appearing normal. But I'm so glad we started talking in notes and stuff because it was silly to be scared of someone that feels like the missing second half of my brain / heart / etc. Quantum entangled particles or some shit. I always look forward from hearing from you and your thoughts and ideas do not annoy me - in fact if I don't hear from you I get worried about the change in routine and miss you a bunch.

This isn't quite as powerful as I wanted / think you deserve, but despite the belief of some I'm not good at words. Love you very many, hope you're having a good day and I agree - one day I'm going to give you the biggest hug when we meet in person. Hopefully this event will not cause a tear in space-time or something.

Much love, ♡ Ro

[chocolatepot]

The thing is someone can be asexual and autistic and still be misogynistic. These things aren't mutually exclusive. The idea that being in the presence of a woman implies that you're going to or want to have sex with her is misogynistic whether the person is autistic or ace or both or neither.

Yeah, I'm aware? I feel like you're interpreting me in bad faith (which is of course why you're anon, lbr). But I've been thinking about how to better express my point there anyway, so I'll bite.

So the thing is, what screams autistic/ace about that post isn't that it's misogynistic. Obviously. It's that the almost-certainly-a-cis-dude that wrote it has created a chain of logic that "works" and is sticking to the rule it creates 100% even though it's ridiculous, which is autistic behavior, which I'm allowed to say because I do the same thing. The writer presumes that all people (or at least all the people he knows) are straight, and that therefore other men have no possibility of being into him and will simply get in the way of his woodsy fun by being ableist about what he considers fun; women, on the other hand, may also be ableist but additionally have a non-zero chance of being attracted to him and reading his willingness to be in the woods with them as romantic interest, and there is a non-zero chance that they will act on that, so it is safer to simply avoid women in this situation in order to avoid the distraction and awkwardness.

The humor you're seeing so many people express about this post comes from the fact that we are all aware that this is silly. Avoiding being alone with women in the woods entirely because they might want to kiss is an overreaction, but we probably all have at least one thing that we overreact to as a Rule because of a similar train of logic, or we used to but realized it was ridiculous and course-corrected. Here's another viral post along those lines. Here's another.

Less humorously, I'd point to this post and its screencapped tags, which explain how autistic people are traumatized into avoiding social situations because we know that we may accidentally hit the invisible line where allistics feel we've done something unforgivable and refuse to accept any explanation. It's unspoken in the post we're talking about, but it's really always lurking in any situation that involves an autistic person dealing with allistics.

I can see how this could feel like the same kind of thing as Mike Pence refusing to be alone with women without Mother there to non-autistic/ace people, I think, but the distinction is that he isn't expressing any judgement of them or fear of their sexuality. I'm not sure if you've forgotten the post or are deliberately rewriting it here, but he's not worried that "being in the presence of a woman implies that [he's] going to or want to have sex with her," he finds the idea of someone wanting to get romantic with him uninteresting (asexual) and a distraction from staring at bugs (autistic), so he's trying to avoid it.

And this isn't to downplay the sexist aspect, because there clearly is one! This is a probably-cis-probably-guy on 4chan, and there's a strong element of "women are another species" and also of the idea that other men might be buddies but women are largely potential romantic interests. But to me, that is such a background-radiation-in-society-type sexism that ... I mean, it's everywhere, does one get upset at every joke about a woman saying she's fine when she's not, or every movie and tv show where young men talk about wanting to meet women for sex rather than to know them as people? (It's also very heterocentric, as I mentioned before, because the writer clearly assumes no men would be interested in him and that all women are straight and have potential for being interested in him, which I actually found more jarring.) The relatable autistic-and-ace-but-doesn't-know-it-yet vibes of the post balance it out very easily to me. The balance is going to be different for different people.

[scurvyratt]

An unnecessarily long post as to why the Creed movies get on my nerves even though no one asked:

Sooo my friend and I made it our mission to watch the whole Rocky franchise, which consists of 6 Rocky movies and 3 spin off Creed movies. We've seen all of the movies except for Rocky 6. Imo the Rocky movies are generally fun and enjoyable, while the Creed movies are mostly boring and annoying....

The Rocky films can range from good to, not necessarily bad,,, but boring I think would be a better word. Although, I think that the blandness in the films can be excused due to the fact that the movies don't take themselves very seriously and you don't go into a Rocky sequel with the expectation of greatness lol. Rocky is very charming imo because he's a pathetic himbo. In the first movie he's involved with the mob but they didn't even like him because he would refuse to beat people up😭. He's poor, uneducated, kind, and he's only a boxer because he "can't sing or dance". The movies give you an actual reason to root for him (even if irl he probably would not have won some of his matches, but like I said it doesn't matter because the movies are unserious lol).

Some context for Creed I: in Rocky 1, Rocky's opponent is Apollo Creed, who later becomes his friend and mentor. In Rocky 4, Apollo dies.

ANYWAYS... the Creed movies follow Adonis Creed, who is Apollo Creed's illegitimate son that he had via an affair. In Creed I, Adonis is an amateur boxer and he seeks out Rocky so that he can train him for a fight. He also meets his girlfriend (and eventual wife) named Bianca. She is an up and coming musician as well as very erm.... ANNOYING💀. Her character is not very interesting and she overreacts about the dumbest things. Also there is a scene where Bianca and Adonis have sex on the couch while Rocky is sleeping in an armchair in the same room... THEY HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF HIM, IN HIS HOME, ON HIS COUCH, WHILE HE'S ASLEEP💀💀💀💀💀 They treat it as this funny tee-hee kinda moment but my friend and I were like huuuuuuuuuhhhhh😭😭😭😭. That was def when I decided that I hate them as a couple like wtf😭.

Also Rocky has the best and most compelling scenes in the movie. Rocky finds out that he has cancer and he tells the doctor "I'm okay with that" (my friend teared up) and he decides to not go through with chemotherapy because his wife and brother in law are dead, and he's estranged from his son. Adonis finds out and becomes upset that Rocky doesn't want to "live for him".... mind you, Rocky has only known Adonis for a couple months like lol. Like why would you be his reason for living... moving on, he basically coerces Rocky into doing chemo by saying that he won't fight anymore if Rocky doesn't get treatment. Which maybe others would think of that as a good thing but imo,, if the man wanted to die, he should have just let him die lmao. I found Adonis' motivations to be very selfish. Anyways blah blah blah, Rocky decides to live and Adonis wins his fight. Overall just an okay movie and Adonis was very annoying💀 I did not like his character at all lol.

Context for Creed II: In Rocky 4, Rocky fights this Soviet dude named Ivan Drago. Ivan kills Apollo Creed so Rocky goes up against him in revenge and ends up defeating him.

In Creed II, Ivan Drago is back in town and has his son Viktor with him (who is also a huge scary boxer). It turns out that after Ivan was defeated by Rocky, he was shunned (from the Soviet Union? Idk really) and him and his wife were sent to Ukraine. His wife eventually leaves him and he has to raise Viktor on his own. Ivan is basically like one of those toddlers and tiaras moms but with boxing rather than pageantry. He's pretty cold and abusive towards Viktor. This movie imo is the best out of the three; I think that all the characters have clear motivations and I liked the dynamic between Viktor and his dad. I actually rlly liked the opening scene of the movie because it starts with Ivan and Viktor in Ukraine, and Ivan literally punches Viktor awake in the morning💀💀.

Back to Adonis and Bianca... Bianca begins to develop some hearing loss (it is unclear whether it's hereditary or from loud noise) and she later finds out that she is pregnant. She expresses concerns over the fact that their baby may be born deaf, which like, does not really make sense? If Bianca has acquired hearing loss why would the baby have congenital hearing loss??? Anyways.. the baby (Amara) is indeed born deaf and Adonis and Bianca are devastated and they start crying. Which is a fairly normal response but, what gets me is that the only person to say something positive about the fact that she is deaf is Rocky. He says something along the lines of "Well she won't care that she's deaf so why should you?". And that's literally it lolol like Adonis and Bianca do not speak about the fact she is deaf ever again. At the end of the movie they show her with some bright colored hearing aids (so that they stand out to the audience) to show that "wow! Everything is good now because she can HEAR like a normal person!". Likkeee.... why couldn't they show them interacting with her using ASL instead lol? Very weird choice imo I did not like that at all.

Also every boxer has a walk out song, but for Adonis' last fight Bianca is singing??? Like she literally walks out in front of him with a mic lmaoooo😭😭. I just thought that was cringe like I did not enjoy that hifhshf.

Okay so at the end of the movie Adonis and Viktor have their big match, and ofc Adonis wins🙄🙄. Which makes no sense and they honestly should not have even fought in the first place because they are in completely different weight classes lol

In the Rocky films Rocky regularly goes against people that are larger than him, which is fine and makes sense in the context of the films because they are silly movies. Creed on the other hand takes itself seriously so the size difference stands out more. Like in Rocky 4, Adrian's flop drunkard incel brother lives with them, and Rocky gets him a robot wife as a gift😭. Like the Rocky movies are unbelievably dumb lol.

I was seriously rooting for Viktor the whole time😭 and the only reason that he lost was because his dad threw down the towel and gave up the fight. Which like, I guess is sweet but we don't ever see Ivan reflecting on the fact that perhaps he's pushing Viktor too hard. Also like 3 minutes before that he was literally telling Viktor to kill Adonis lmao so it makes no sense for him to throw in the towel but WHATEVER I guess. At the end of the movie Rocky makes up with his estranged son and he moves to Canada or something. So.

Creed III: this is the first Creed movie without Rocky. In this movie, Adonis reunite with his childhood friend Damian who has been in prison for nearly 20 years. 20 years for a crime that Adonis committed mind you. The story takes place 6 years after Creed II and Adonis is now retired. This movie is way better in regards to deaf representation. Amara no longer has hearing aids and she communicates with her parents using ASL.

So Adonis is annoying as usual and doesn't rlly gaf about the fact that Damian was in prison for that long lol. He comes out of retirement to fight Damian and Damian ends up losing to Adonis... which pissed me off like what was the reason lol. I honestly thought that he was gonna lose or let Damian win but WHATEVER.... I don't have much to say about the actual plot of the movie tbh like it was just boring lmao.

What did bother me though was the sponsorships... the movie was sponsored by Hennessy, Showtime, and Ralph Lauren and they were not subtle about it at alllll😭😭😭😭. They were drinking Hennessy and the name was splattered around everywhere. At the beginning of the movie Adonis is wearing this fuck ass outfit.. my friend and I were so confused😭 why is he wearing a hoodie underneath a blazer like💀

Later, Adonis steps outside and you see this advertisement plastered to the outside of a building. Like the Adonis character was doing Ralph Lauren ads in the movie lmao😭😭

After we saw this ad the stupid outfits made so much more sense lol.

The difference between Rocky and Adonis is actually funny to me though bcuz in Rocky 2 they try to get him to do ads, but he is unable to read the cue cards because he is canonically illiterate💀

Okay last thing, and this is totally nit picky of me, but I hated their mansion. It was this terrible modern style LA home like dont piss me awffff...

Alright that's all that I have to say about these films. I rlly could not tell you why they have such high ratings. And I know that like 90% of this is just me being a hater ig but idgaf lol.

[ibrokeeverything]

Okay, so this is probably going to be a bit rambly and unorganized but I have thoughts and feelings and I want to get them out.

So, to get straight to the point, I'm kinda pissed that Disney decided to air the bad batch and the mandalorian on the same day. And this is coming from someone who is a very big fan of both shows, so I harbor absolutely ZERO ill will toward the mandalorian. I actually adore it. But, I can't help but be upset that it's airing at the same time as tbb.

The mandalorian is the more popular show, no question. It has grogu for god's sake. It pulls in a ton of viewers and quickly became one of the most popular pieces of star wars media. And that's great! But, it means that it casts a long shadow and because of how Disney decided to release these shows, that shadow is falling right on top of tbb.

I understand that tbb is a more niche show. It is animated which immediately puts off a lot of people. (Which it shouldn't, but that's a whole other can of worms) It's also a direct sequel to clone wars, making the barrier to entry a lot higher. So, I get that it's not going to be raking in the views. But it has it's fair share of fans that watch each week.

Now, my concern is that with the mandalorian coming out, people will watch that either first or instead. I'm aware that dedicated fans of both shows will absolutely watch both, but I'm kinda worried about the more casual fans dumping the bad batch in favor of the mandalorian. I mean, I'm already seeing it. I get on Tumblr each week directly after the new tbb episode airs and this week I'm seeing significantly less activity than usual, especially for an episode that mentions things like the zillo beast, rex, and echo.

I'm probably overreacting, but this kind of thing just concerns me, ya know. It shows that Disney clearly doesn't care about tbb in the same way they care about the mandalorian. I literally opened Disney plus and there was a giant banner telling me to watch the mandalorian. Their favoritism isn't exactly subtle. And if this potentially leads to decreased viewership, then it could theoretically lead to tbb getting cancelled before its proper end. (Assuming they have plans for more than two seasons)

Anyway, those were just some thoughts I felt like dumping into the void. If you read this long, thanks for listening to my musings 😅

[fallingforel]

Arabella pt 9- nobody said it was easy

masterlist.

⋆｡°✩

Jumping down, I offer my hand so she can take it and she takes it and we link arms

"come on lets go face them tell them together, my little bug" I say placing a kiss on her forehead.

⋆｡°✩

⋆｡°✩

Walking with my dad back in through the hospital entrance was something that made my heart heavy because I knew eventually I had to explain what happened I just didn't know how to.

"so? whats the verdict then?" Denise looked between my dad and I with an eyebrow raised. Then my dad looked at me as if to say 'do you want to tell her' and I shook my head with tears brimming my eyes.

"denise, we're all going to go home, get some rest then recoup at ours in the morning, we need a serious conversation about Matty, a collective decision that we all need to make together"

I mouth thank you to my dad which he just replies with a wink and a mouthing of "it's alright sweetheart"

sighing she nods knowing it's probably for the best as we're all running low on sleep and it would probably make her overreact and no one deserves a shouting Denise especially in such a public place like a hospital, where theres already heavy hearts from injurys and the immence waiting time of the NHS.

"okay, so we'll all meet back at ours at 1 then, George I know you don't have any family back here anymore so you can stay with us, give dennie here a break yeah, can make a bacon and egg sarnie for ya in the morning" my mum perks up from where she was stood drying her eyes. Matty, George, Ross and Adam are like the son's she never had so naturally, she was crying because of it, but when it came to it she would be the rock and sensible head for everyone.

"honestly, you don't have to, I can get a hotel room for the night"

"No G, you're family, so you're staying"

sighing he comes with tagging along, next to me throwing an arm round my shoulder.

"G you drive back with Y/n/n, we'll see you at ours"

⋆｡°✩

Everyone was gathered round the table at 1pm the next day, Tim and Denise putting aside their issues all in turn for their son. Jamie had even come up from London, he clearly cares so much about the guys to do that because he was very busy. You could tell Matty was loved by so many, this just made it harder for me though because I would be breaking everyone's hearts.

"Right, is everyone settled. everyone got drinks? Tissues?" my mother states her clear motherliness coming into clutch looking after everyone around her.

"mum just sit down, everyones fine" I say, getting her to sit down. In turn making me stand up so I could announce what was going on with Matty.

"Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you all here, now this isn't going to be an easy topic, It's going to be quite shocking for some." I had to pause

"go on" Tim's newcastle accent breaking the closing of my eyes to hold the tears back.

"So, I'm going to say it, He suffered from blunt force trauma to the head, he had fallen off of the highest ramp at the rec, from alcohol poisoning, he's been put in a medically induced coma, he could wake up in days weeks months years, he may never wake up time will only tell" I pause again because a mix of oh gods and sobbing could be heard.

George is the one to break the silence this time "that isn't the only thing is it?" he says, he can read me like a book he knows I wouldn't be standing up still if I didn't have more news to tell.

"no it isn't George, you would be correct. As some of you know, Matty likes to drabble in drugs, I did sometimes as well, but it gets at its worse when hes upset, the guys and I usually make it in time but this time we didn't, he took every drug you could imagine, weed coke oxy meth, I think heroin was mentioned but I'm not too sure. Now, I'm sure some of you are aware dad and I have told you we have a decision to make"

"what is it?" Denise half-sobs-half-asks.

"whether or not to send Matty to rehab, I need this to be a collective decision. And I need you to really think before you all start. It could get worse, he could overdose multiple times, he could die. He might come out as a different person, he might not want to continue his career, so I ask you all to think, just think please" is all I said before going out into the garden, and then all the tears came back out again.

⋆｡°✩

"hey" a voice says from behind me

"shit G, don't do that do a girl you proper scared me"

and I looked behind me and all my mates were standing behind me and they joined me sitting outside coming in for a hug and we all shred a few tears, we might've lost our best mate.

"you know we'll all get through this don't you, we love matty way too much to chance him dying we'll all put our careers on hold for him, G ads and I can go work in bars, enough to scrape rent, besides if needs come to musts, Al could always be an in-fill for matty, or..." ross says, then George perks up

"Ross no, absolutely not, not with what ads and y/n/n have gone through"

"I think it's a good idea, he sounds just enough like Matty to pass off as him, you guys can keep your jobs, He can fill in while mattys doing whatever, I have Al now, all you have to do is get Adams permission" I say pointing to Adam who's stood with his back to us looking out into the distance.

"yeah, I was listening, fuck it do it I'm over it now, Y/n get your phone give him a call see if he wants to." George gives us both a look knowing that it's not a good idea.

"G, we're desperate to record, I'm not gonna throw it away, all because a fucker of our best mate got high and got killed"

"ADAM! HES NOT DEAD JUST IN A COMA, ALSO ITS NOT HIS FAULT, HES GOING THROUGH THINGS EVERYTHING CAME TO A HEAD, IF ANYTHING ITS MY FAULT OKAY?" I shout, before I completly meltdown and G and Ross come to my side hugging me before I drop to the floor.

"y/n/n im sorry, i didn't mean it"

"enough adam, go inside" g says from my side.

"but-"

"just go" ross says.

⋆｡°✩

end of chap. 9