#which is not very sustainable
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calorie/meal log from the 10th and 11th!
10th 1,372 cals
apple 1, crackers 10, kimchi 1/4 cup, veggie tacos 5, ice cream 1/2 cup, cassava chips 15.
11th 1,324 cals
spicy noodles with tofu 1 bowl, taffy 1, dehydrated veggie chips 40 grams, veggie burgers 2, ice cream sandwich 1, strawberries 14.
#caloric intake#meal log#low cal meals#10km walks both days btw#it is so hot i havent been reaching my goals for exercise or calories#i'm aiming for 2000 cals per day#and i'm trying to burn the same amount#for the last few days my intake has been >1500 and my burn has been 300-400 from low impact exercise plus a base burn of 1500#which is not very sustainable#on the 9th my intake was 1967 but i took a 20km bike ride along with my reg stuff and burnt 2794 in total (ex cals and base) so still...#not the best for controlled weight loss
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I love how you draw Grim the size of a small cat. It genuinely blows my mind that according to the game he's actually approximately 70 cm tall... Like, Ortho is 148 cm. That's only two Grims! If Grim stands on Ortho's head, they'd be just a bit taller than Malleus (who is 202 cm and I'm not sure that's counting the horns)! The proportions are just so wild to try to imagine realistically... (and I do like the small cat Grim take more, it's very endearing)
every time I remember Grim is actually supposed to be the size of, like, a medium-to-largeish dog, and then I just...draw him cat-sized anyway. I also think it's cuter that way! 🤷 (let's just say he's not allowed to ride the servant unless he takes the shrinking potion first.)
ultimately I figure we all get a little artistic license in our fanart, and mine are:
cat-sized Grim
Lilia with hair spikes up to the heavens
w i d e Silver
#twisted wonderland#as far as i can tell this is not a furret situation and that 70cm does not include his tail#grim's just a big boy#a big boy who needs big helpings of tuna to sustain his giant head#(waiting for him to pull a persona and crack open to reveal a handsome anime man underneath)#i do like wide/buff silver too even though i know that isn't really canon#(i'll argue for buff sebek but silver i think is supposed to be more wiry/people are constantly surprised by how strong he is anyway)#i just...like the contrast of Two Big Guards for lilia the excitable twig and malleus the long wet drip of a man#and as long as jack remains the widest in the land i figure it all evens out somehow#(if i remember right malleus' height does include the horns) (and i think jack's includes his ears and hair which is even funnier somehow)#(i have seen some attempts to figure it out but i don't think there's ever been an official answer on height without their sticky-up bits)#(looking at the height chart mal looks about the same height as the twins and jack very slightly shorter. but that's just eyeballing it)#(don't ask how the 1cm difference between jade and floyd factors in i don't know)
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hey so friendly reminder
stede gives *full body* kisses
#I love it when actors just go full-body like that#because yes kisses with LOTS OF SPACE in between is a thing that happens!#but they're not the *only* kind#and there is a *very particular message* about a full-body one#especially on screen#and that message is#'somebody said we must live in two separate bodies - but my skin says it misses you -#and my blood remembers when it ran through both our veins -#and every part of me just wants to prove a motherfucker wrong - so let's kiss#and kiss -#until our bodies become one again -#and we can finally take a full deep breath of air#instead of the lonely half-measures that sustained us#for all the years it took to find our other halves again#(...which tbh is kind of a lot for one man's hip-to-hip full-dick action kiss to accomplish but like. I calls it like I sees it)#our flag means death#our flag means death s2 spoilers
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so guess who finally played blind betrayal
#fallout 4#fo4#sole survivor#paladin danse#danse fo4#elder maxson#fuck elder maxson#me and my homies hate elder maxson#also that line about being born from a mothers womb was very 🤢#and also when he was going on and on about danse being all machine#but the only reason you found out he was a synth was by checking his dna#which is an organic compound requiring consistent living tissue to sustain#meaning he's more human than machine#like a human with cybernetic enhancements#also i absolutely believe danse was a case of him being human then getting snatched and replaced by the institute#he was likely human when he arrived in the commonwealth then got snatched and replaced at some point#either way my babygirl is now free from the brotherhood of steel#which means i can finally stop giving a fuck about the brotherhood of steel#not tf
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Protect that smile at any cost
#Save me new Wan chapter...#atsushi nakajima#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd wan#mine#There's not even Akutagawa in it day ruined#I feel like we haven't gotten any new release in forever...#Which is very hypocritical of me since I'm vocally against constant content influx + believe it's not sustainable#I need to touch grass... I feel like I've been studying nonstop...
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What if I WROTE. WHAT IF I DID. WHAT WONDERS WOULD FALL UPON THE WORLD.
#not writing disease is very distinct from the stages of grief and the stage I'm in is called#'ready to fight god with my bare hands and win the moment i have some GODDAMN TIME'#this is also cuz I'm very slowly rereading the tiefling fic and like. godDAMMIT. i am a GOOD FUCKING WRITER. what the HELL.#it's not even writers BLOCK cuz I've got the ideas i just don't have enough sustained time to organize them neatly#which my brain does require for sticking with a project
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no one would notice if i ever vanished // if bodies could sustain // this never-ending army // like blood pumping through a vein
(click for better resolution!)
:OOO hello. anyway since these are all posters i'd have in an ideal world or smth and i'd like to store the high res versions somewhere,,, here's the google drive folder for them? hehe ''
close up!
#adamandi#vincent aurelius lin#i'm back with the posters! or smth! idk!!#i'm maybe just a bit obsessed with vincent. such a Character.#where can i run is sustaining me single-handedly through this exam season (<- has cried thrice in the last two days; alas; but moving on)#my stress response was that in a fit of apathy i shut myself down from academia and stopped to paint this#six hours total? on this funky little thing! had to push myself to finish the magnifying glass but!! looks so cool. i'm impressed with my e#fun fact: all the shades are hand-coloured. aka everything is digitally hand painted hooray!! i havent painted for a long time (ish)#smth about this musical makes me want to paint. it's very lovely that way#it's also a miracle i haven't gotten carpal tunnel or any wrist injuries so far... i'm a lucky person! hooray#i had so many thoughts to ramble about and now i don't recall any of them.#-! about this piece: inspired specifically by that one line that i doodled in the margins of a math practice last night#the diagonal slant was very. thinky. the rendering and angle were kinda contradictory to do but it's fineeee (draft was diff. pov)#i liked the red abstraction. and the way that people (misc) gave same vibes as red blood cells.#green for vincent because contrasting colour!! considered a spotlight that was more obv bc. again theatre lighting is so cool. but that was#a bit too literal? i think. so just fun little highlights. no one look at the accuracy of anything here though.. shadows do Not do this#also like hehehe lin. forest. forest of people. i really liked thinking about that. hehehe#i didn't know the font to use!! or quote!! so i slapped on the name of the musical and called it a day... the blank one is in the google-#-folder if you want to add your own stuff :') also also i wasn't sure about cropping at all. so again high res in google drive link#which is under the keep-reading sign! kind of a choose your own adventure because i'm lazy :3#ajhshdhfhfhfhf i think i've been fuelled by the tags under each post so far. so intensely. so very nice.#also when the cast or creators drop fun facts... serotonin right there.. they're all so nice waaagh it's so cool that they like my stuff ><#<laughs> really grateful that the whole fandom's so sweet <3 thank you for your support TvT#alright!! off to mess about with chemistry. jiayou me.#oh yes. a post script about the cropping crisis: i wasn't sure how small i wanted to make him. in proportion to the crowd. so if you see it#on mobile ig it's tiny and on laptop it kind of makes sense ...
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Really curious about this but, we've seen a lot of asks about L and MC but i wonder how is their dynamic with Id in the poly, at least in rough terms if it's a spoiler (Really curious if their possessiveness stretches to each other lmao)
Really curious if their possessiveness stretches to each other
Oh you mean how L would boast and bicker with Id over who's the one that Solves Problems and makes the hunter smile or sigh in relief most often? 💀
They are absolute idiots and act like this all the time
And they keep a tally, counting the smiles or sighs or Problems Solved like Gimli and Legolas count kills in LOTR.
#OUROBOROS#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#you know L has a fat crush on Id but they are Acting Very Chill About It™ which means they are an absolute dork and try to be Cool#and goes along with whatever the Cool Kid(id) says#and Id is always competetive so it just spiraled into this#L and Id trying to cater on MC by watching their every move huddled together in a broomcloset#end up making out in the broomcloset#anyway im getting carried away#LMAO#i love them your honor#ID/L/MC#L/ID/MC#poly#the lid#thank you for this ask nony. the imagery alone is gonna sustain me for the next century 💖
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i need to read more books and annotate in the margins i need to write more i need to buy jeans that fit me i need to eat more fruit i need to buy good quality headphones i need to get a skincare routine i need to talk to my friends more i need to wash my hair i need to stop treating this inhabitation as a curse. i am tired of punishing the body that has fought me for survival every day for years. i deserve little treats as regularly as possible !!
#more money would also be good but! we are working on it <3 this is a team effort im bored of being in a perpetual bar fight with myself#like sorry i havent answered my texts in months or barely sustain personal hygeine but that bitch (points at mirror) chucked a drink at me#it's okay tho we are in our enemies to lovers arc#just had a really vivid sudden 'i am in this body' moment and let me TELL you when you spend 90% of the time feeling a very#set seperation between your emotional self and physical self that is INCREDIBLY fucking jarring lmao. like oh this is me#the freckles on my fingers are just as much me as my years long loyalty to specifically prawn cocktail pringles. okay#that's cool. cool cool cool that's so cool so everything that's happened to me physically is still me okay cool#coooool cool cool. super cool btw. very angry for myself rn which never happens i normally just get angry at myself#LIKE THIS IS MY BODY! WHY DO I HAVE TO DRINK IT INTO BED AND HURT IT FOR NO REASON! WHY DO I LET PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH SO MUCH!#'i'll take care of you it's rotten work especially to me especially if it's you i'll do it but christ alive' except it's me and my body#like yeah im not happy about it bossman but we're stuck together. let's get you some nice clothes
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interesting time to have a get too stressed and have your body try to kill you thing going on today, ocean life and ocean ecosystem documentaries save me
#not a horse#i already ran a low fever earlier i made the mistake of glancing at the polling map and immediately felt sick sooooo#time to go watch some fish in reef ecosystems#do you want a fun fact about reefs? most are thousands upon thousands of years old!#they can be made up of shellfish or corals haha#and ancient reefs allow us to have flint and limestone and shale. which are invaluable#reefs are very valuable habitats but im more of an estuary lover#i really like to look at how fish adapt to estuarian enviorments and how such a harsh ecosystem sustains a lot of life#because estuaries are very good for spawning and pupping!#i think I'll probably be okay by next week and this flare up will end but i feel pretty bad right now
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Do you take commissions
No and I probably never will for a few reasons
I dont have the time due to work
I struggle to finish pieces
I dont have a consistent style at all
My ability to draw is controlled by some unseen force and it disappears for months at a time
#i had to stay up late 4 days in a row to make time for that#just not sustainable to do that regularly#plus i dont have the confidence to charge money for my stuff cause its so inconsistent#unless it was something im very comfortable with (which is birds only lol)#so i just dont do em#non voice post#ask#asks
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not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time
#like the take of ohhhh Well this animal is smart and shows emotions!!! it might even be smarter than humans!!!#as if that matters literally at all#like the argument abt fish or hamsters or w/e being stupid (wrong) so it doesnt matterrrrr if they dont get cared for properly#as if its ever ok to mistreat animals.#in general the idea around smaller or less relatable animals being worth less is super frustrating#like if u post abt microwaving ur hamster when u were 6 everyones like ‘lmaoooo i did the same thing’#but if u posted that abt a dog….? The Gallows#we shouldnt have to care abt mistreatment of animals bc theyre cute or funny or smart#i just watched blackfish again and it annoyed me how much ppl were arguing abt the orcas being so smart and emotional etc#which is true. but thats just smth that makes their captivity harder. u jnow. like if they were simple and had simple needs it would still#be wrong if they werent met#its just such a huge issue bc of how hard the needs are to meet in captivity#same as like. bears and shit. you physically cannot give them enough territory to stop them going insane#ik theres ppl who believe All captivity is wrong#like my strpmum is one who believes nobody should own Any pet#which is. Imo a stupid argument and not at all sustainable. ppl need companions thats why weve had dogs and cats for thousnads of years#but also they are such successful pets bc their needs are so easy to meet!!!!!#its this misconception that fish or rodents are Easy Beginners pets… in reality they are 100x harder. but their lives are worth less to ppl#bc they dont show love the same way#well. anyways im not very good at expressing my thoughts abt serious stuff#but its smth that rlly upsets me#its frustrating too bc ppl either dgaf abt animals aside from Maybe the cute ones or r too extreme in advocating for the freedom of animals#like u can absolutely give indoor cats proper enrichment. its just slightly more effort#and its not as simple as just. emptyinb out the zoos. READ ABT KEIKO!!!!!#i feel its a very interesting topic. but ppl r very b/w on it#idk i feel the majority of ppl know so little abt animals its like. impossible to get thru#like ok cool u think zoos r bad bc the lions get saddddd. but u also think snakes and bugs and rodents are nothing but disease spreaders#and cant also have complex lives#Tsk. Whateevr
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i deserve to kill insurance companies actually.
#i've been fucking around with this for two weeks now and i want to die#why is it legal for an insurance provider i am paying to decline a medication that i've been on for years#why does a doctor have to fill out a special form to prove that i Really Need this medication. that's just what a prescription is for.#and also why is my doctor's office closed half the week and i can't get ahold of them and they don't call me back#i'm already rationing my meds like this is not sustainable#the real bullshit is that from what i can tell my provider won't even let me pay for it out of pocket. which i don't want to do but. still.#(it's a maintenance inhaler. i still have plenty of my rescue inhaler left so i'm not like. gonna die without it. but i will be very#uncomfortable and pissed off about it.)#part of this is my own fault because i knew switching insurance would cause some Bullshit when i try to get my meds refilled#so i should have started this earlier#but TWO WEEKS SHOULD BE ENOUGH#i just want to find out what i can do bc every day i call and they go “huh that's weird that it hasn't been approved yet. i'll look into it#and then they don't call me back#well uh. with med rationing i have enough to get me to Tuesday so i fucking hope someone actually figures out what's going on today#vent#personal
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~
#very random (not snz) haha but#does anyone else feel like their social battery fluctuates like. 0 to 100 with no middle ground or is this perhaps something wrong with me#i will go for weeks without having the social energy to talk to people i love and treasure 😭#maybe it's a lack of dopamine in general idk... would not be thrilled to add another mental illness to the list#but then i'll have a night where i am super talkative and happily reply to half the people i've been talking to#or times when i send off all my responses and sit at my laptop like when are my friends going to reply 🙂 i can't wait to talk to them 🙂#i apologize if you have personally been on the receiving end of my extreme inconsistency 😭#i have been thinking about it recently and i think that's in part the reason why i also gravitate towards long form conversations;#it feels mentally easier for me to deliver a meaningful response once in a blue moon than like sustain that level of#conversational depth on a more consistent basis? because i am inconsistent#but sometimes in the long wait between responses (which i have arguably played a large role in establishing) i feel unexpectedly social and#then feel strangely lonely 😭 (🤡)... truly i feel like i am lowkey a badly adjusted adult#this is not a catastrophizing post (though i did catastrophize slightly more over it in past weeks); just passive musings atp#i go through similar flows with artistic motivation but the highs and lows are not synced with my social energy at all#i think i am someone who likes to analyze my habits just as a whole because i really enjoy optimizing for things 😭 so this tendency in#particular really perplexes me#delete later perhaps because i know this is truly a yap post. (i apologize)#i met with a friend earlier irl and this might be the remnants of the social energy from seeing her or it might be a function of#the drink i had (strawberry matcha 🥰) if you have read this far i apologize personally
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I have been grumpy with my Essek voice while writing this week so I'm watching the last supercut and honestly it's so funny that Essek somehow ended up with the highest number of eyes of the Nein except for Beau and Caleb despite not even having been present when the book was first foisted on them, because he got targeted that many times by the Somnovem eyes during the last fight.
#critical role#essek thelyss#like I think he went in with ONE#anyway very important when you're mad about your character voices to go back to the source#if you're writing original stuff this is the worst cuz it also involves rereading your unedited bullshit.#however with fic it means I get to watch my boi being both babey and badass :3#I miss him 🥺#also I somehow failed to realize until just now that I purchased basically essek's exact gardening gloves earlier this summer#which like. are the generic cutesy gardening gloves. but I somehow did not connect this until just now lol#it's REALLY been a while since I watched nein content for sustained time#christ alive. I really gotta get to that rewatch dammit
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Varha keeps poking at me with more Family Lore TM as an explanation for why her current relationship with Rhaya’ra is Like That & it’s coming in the form of “actually Three of us survived the calamity physically but one is suspiciously Not Present Now & also she was definitely Rhaya’s favourite sister :)”
I don’t have a name for this sibling yet but she’s. Definitely not going to be making any present day appearances that’s for sure.
#it wasn’t technically the calamity that killed her off#but the emotional/mental repercussions in the following years took their toll and. yeah.#anyway no lore yet on who found the body#rhaya’ra Knows it wasn’t varha’s fault it wasn’t anyone’s fault#but like. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t also weave its way into the resentment he’s held onto to get him through his own grief#i maintain he’s not a bad person despite how he treats her she’s just the target of his own projections sadly#it’s a complicated relationship. varha hangs onto it in small ways bc she doesn’t want to feel like she’s entirely lost everyone.#and besides that she always knew she sort of ranked pretty low in terms of favoured siblings/general importance#so when he goes off on her in sharlayan after they haven’t seen each other in a few years she just takes it which is VERY weird for her#but like. what can she do? lose the last piece of her family? she loved them even if she was a bit of an afterthought#her sister def treated her better but was also too wrapped up in her own suffering to do anything about it#so she just got used to being self-sustaining bc what other choice was there#oc tag#varha naiarro#rhaya'ra nariarro
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