#which is making fun of the melts being melts

[secondbeatsongs]

Food Crime: Frosty the Slawman

so a while ago, I saw this photo going around on tumblr:

at first, I thought this was photoshopped. I mean, "welcome new man in your life"? that feels like a translation error, or someone being silly on purpose.

but guess what! turns out, Frosty Slaw Man is real!

and soon...he will be mine. let's get cooking

(full disclosure: I crafted this snowman and took notes about it over a year ago. and then, like with many things in my life, I forgot about him, and let him drift into the ADHD void of Things I'm Not Currently Staring At, where object permanence is tentative and largely unrealized.

but here we are! and here he is: the slaw man. it's time to share him with you, so that you can suffer as I have suffered, and/or rejoice in my gelatin creation!)

so this recipe photo originally came from Mid-Century Menu (archive link), a blog that seems like one after my own heart, and which once tried to make the Slaw Man (with not much success; but we'll get back to that)! but it's not just that blog that has copies of this ad. I also found it on reddit, and in a few different places on ebay!

lookit that guy! he's a real guy!

both the reddit post and some of the ebay listings say that this is from 1963 (though I haven't been able to figure out which magazines it was printed in, to confirm this for myself). but in looking this up, I discovered something else fun! there's another version of this ad!

Best Foods is what Hellmann's stuff is called on the west coast, and the "this is no place for second best" thing makes a lot more sense when you consider that the ad was probably made for Best Foods first, and then just reused and rebranded for the east coast

the more you know!

anyway the benefit of finding this alternate ad is that the scan on this image is a lot clearer, and so the recipe is more readable! and in looking at it, I've realized something important:

when Mid-Century Menu tried this recipe, they got an ingredient amount wrong.

when they made their beloved Slaw Man, they had the water amount written down as 1/4 cup, but looking at this scan up close, it is actually 3/4 cup of water! something that might make a significant difference, considering we're working with gelatin!

(there's also another change I want to make compared to what they did, when I do this recipe. but we'll get into that in a sec.)

for now: we begin

so. there's no way I'm making a Slaw Man this large. I am just one person, and considering the ingredients of this, I don't think I'm going to be able to consume that much Slaw.

two entire heads of cabbage? three pounds of cottage cheese, a thing that I don't even like to eat? no. that's a bad idea.

so I'm starting small here and making this 1/3 the size of the original:

2 packets of unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 1 cup mayo 1 tsp salt 1lb cottage cheese 4 cups shredded cabbage

surely this will result in a reasonable amount of Man

...okay, I started chopping the cabbage thinking it would be easier, but I've given up and pulled out a grater. this is much better! and somehow more violent (affectionate)

the recipe says to soften the gelatin in cold water, and then stir over hot water until it's dissolved. I'm going to assume "stir over hot water" means a double boiler, so let's do that

hmmm, the gelatin is very foamy? it’s melted, but the bottom of the pot feels really....sticky

okay. after a couple minutes more and no change, I’m calling this good enough.

so one thing that others who have attempted this recipe have not taken into consideration is the cottage cheese. you see, the others used normal cottage cheese, but the recipe says to use "cottage cheese, cream style"

I’ll be real, I’m not 100% what that means, since we don’t have that here. but I can take an educated guess! so let’s blend the cottage cheese!

(with an immersion blender. I am not willing to wash an actual blender because of this)

mmm, yes. very smooth

...actually. why isn't all cottage cheese like this? the thing I hate about cottage cheese is the texture, so why isn't it all smooth and creamy like this?? I could eat this!!

a new discovery is made every day in this house.

okay, time to start mixing things together.

ah, frosty. I opened a whole new thing of mayo for you! do you feel special?

(I'd make a "pre-dinner snack?" joke, but sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time)

okay, the mayo, cottage cheese, and salt have been added to the gelatin. but as this cools, the texture is getting...hmm. less than appealing.

lastly: the cabbage

oh. oh this is not very nice

next it says to pack the "salad" into a one pound container, and two six-cup bowls, but since I made this recipe so much smaller, I'm going to uhhhh. uh. find some bowls that seem like they'd be correct...snowman? proportions?

ah. this bowl is too big.

hey, these'll work!

now I just have to let them chill for a while, and continue another day.

(edit from current!me: ahhh oh my god I forgot this was pretty soon after we adopted Jackie! look at these cat pics that I took while I was food crime-ing!

look at them having their little interactions! Knuckles was trying so hard to be friends with her! I love them)

hello! two days later and we are ready to assemble the slawman. and my sibling has started referring to him as "frosty: attorney at slaw", so that's fun.

I've done a thing where, as these set, I flipped them around in the bowl so that hopefully they'd be more round. we'll see if they actually stay like this.

I have also made some decorations for him out of peppers, olives, and carrots!

let's build our boy

oh he's so heavy. and wobbly

no no no he almost fell over!!

okay. he's fine. but more skewers were needed.

and...okay. he is complete.

behold!

gaze upon my beautiful man!

(he is not structurally sound! he wobbles unsteadily as I rotate him! there are already cracks forming in the gelatin around where his arms are! don't worry about it!)

 now it's time to stab him

and...to devour him

this tastes like...a bland coleslaw? and not even that. it's just sort of a salty, cottage cheese-y cabbage. the ingredients don't combine to become something greater, they simply...sit there. like this.

and the texture is...mmm. it's not a jello kind of texture, but it is a bit squashy in a way that's mildly strange.

it's very creamy once it softens in your mouth.

...I don't like this!

and look! taking just that one chunk from him was enough to destabilize him entirely :(

RIP frosty. now I just have to see if I can eat all of you before you go bad.

(note from current!me: I could not.

 I ate maybe half of him over the course of many days, often adding other stuff to him to try to add some flavor: bacon, frozen peas, cheese, etc. but even with that, I just couldn't stomach him.

after a while I stuck what was left of him in the freezer, hoping that maybe I'd find the will to consume the rest of him some other day.

do you know what a frozen-and-then-thawed mixture of cabbage, cottage cheese, mayo, and gelatin looks and tastes like?

bad. the answer is: bad.

I threw him out pretty quickly after thawing him.

do not try this recipe at home)

[angelltheninth]

How would star wars character relax their S/O?

A Star Wars request, lets go! Miss writing for this fandom.

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Ben "Kylo Ren" Solo, Rey, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Din Djarin, Sabine Wren, Shin Hati x Reader

Tags: fluff, established relationship, relaxation, cuddles, kissing, literal sleeping together

Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters | Commissions

A/N: Feel particularly sleepy today. The weather sucks. I need cuddles from my favorite characters.

ANAKIN

Pulls you into bed with him and doesn't let you do anything work related for the rest of the day. Don't even think about anything work related when you're spending time with him, he is your beacon for a stress-free zone. He kisses your forehead while you cuddle, his hands pressing into your tense muscles. Considers it a great achievement when you fall asleep in his arms like that.

LUKE

Invites you to a meditation session with him. Might sounds silly but it really helps relax both the mind and the body, clear your thoughts, let go off all the stressful things of the day. His hands reach for yours, constantly rubbing his thumbs over the back of your hands to help you relax further. If you can't relax he will talk you through it, giving you his words of affection to focus on.

BEN

Oh he is not the best at relaxing, in fact he might be one of the worst people in the galaxy for that. But if there's anything he can be proud of is that he really does try to help you de-stress. It's a little aggressive still, he wants to be close to you, give you a few little kisses but passion soon takes over. And while that can help you relax in certain ways you'd much prefer a simple cuddle session.

REY

You tell her she should take care of herself as much as she's taking care of you. This confuses how her. How will this help you relax? Well, if she isn't freaking out about you all the time and how much she has to work to give you the things you want then you would both be able to relax together, which would also mean more quality time spent together.

LEIA

Tells you to get as comfortable as you can be because she's gonna give you the best massage you've ever had in your life. She hadn't given many but she did get a lot of massages growing up. It's the perks of being royalty and she's confident she can help you relax the same way. She goes a little too hard on the knots in your shoulders but eventually she does hear you sigh in relief.

HAN

Will take your mind off anything stressful by telling about the latest heist offer he got. Yeah, the job is pretty reckless, but it sounds fun. He won't really go on this specific heist mind you, the pay is too low for someone of his caliber, but he's telling you how it could go, making you laugh by doing so. Making you laugh is all the reward he needs at the end of the day.

OBI-WAN

Has a whole relaxing evening planned out perfectly by the time you get home, no detail will escape him. It's almost too perfectly planned, so much so that he puts all that pressure on himself but hopes his charming smile is enough to distract from that. Won't put that pressure on you, he only wants you to relax and let him do things for you for a change. You deserve to relax after a long day of work.

DIN

The man is a great listener and cuddler and he will use both of those skill sets to help you unwind. Whatever you need to say to get things off your chest you can say it to him, and he will do his best to take care of the problem. Not necessary by going in and taking care of the problem personally, but just offering advice. But if his personal intervention is necessary he will go in and clean up the mess.

SABINE

Latches onto you whenever she can. She acts like she's a sponge that will absorb all of your stress, she will soak it up and help it melt away. Every time she notices you're feeling stressed, or pent up or sad there's a hug waiting for you, big or small it hardly matters to her how long you want her to hug you. It's important that you know she's there for you whenever you need her.

SHIN

Isn't good at giving advice or dealing with stress. She's not someone who considers herself a stressed person so the feeling is unfamiliar to her, she doesn't know how to help you. That being said she will at least listen, really listen to what you have to say and the reasons why you're stressed. At the end all she can offer you is her closeness, her presence there, but even that is enough.

[coimbrabertone]

Offtopic Offseason #5 - CoimbraBertone and the Indiana Jones Blogpost.

So, I watched the first three Indiana Jones movies for the first time these last few weeks. Those being Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom, and The Last Crusade. Also, before that, I was watching my friend Andy play through the video game, Indiana Jones and the Great Circle. I have thoughts.

Plus, the Super Bowl was last weekend and that's kinda an unavoidable black hole devouring anything else that could've happened that weekend, so there isn't much racing news to discuss right now.

Indycar aired some commercials during it which hopefully draw people in, but until we get to St. Pete for the first race, it's hard to say how effective they were.

So, onto Indiana Jones.

I liked them. Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade are both great movies, Temple of Doom isn't as good, but it still has plenty of iconic moments and I enjoyed it well enough.

My first impression was honestly...wow, I've seen so much references to this stuff. Like there were moments I knew were from Indiana Jones, like the giant boulder chasing Indy, opening the Ark and it melting the Nazi faces, and the minecart chase from Temple, but there other things I didn't realize.

Like in Family Guy, Road to Germany, they do the whole escape the plane in a raft thing, with Stewie even making fun of one of Willie's lines. I didn't know that was from Indiana Jones. The motorcycle chase in that episode is probably a reference to Last Crusade as well, albeit a bit less 1 to 1.

So yeah, iconic movies that I've seen referenced a lot, and now I finally understand those references.

So, Raiders of the Lost Ark...

I liked Belloq as a villain. His Egypt clothes with the way his hair looked kept making me think of Alain Prost even though objectively he doesn't look all that much like Prost, but there's where my brain went. I like that he's a different kind of evil than the Nazis around him - he doesn't have a cause, he's just self-interested and wants to get one over on Jones - but he is still very much evil.

Toht is another fun character because he's just so ridiculous. The coat hanger scene made me burst out laughing.

Colonel Dietrich is probably the flattest of the villains, but I get that they needed more of a straight-up Wehrmacht guy to be the direct threat that neither Belloq nor Toht could really be.

As for the heroic characters, I have to admit, with everything I heard about Marion from watching the game and reading up on the movies a bit, she is not at all what I was expecting. For some reason I kinda thought she was gonna be a non-action rich girl who is the daughter of a rich gentleman type - and in fairness, Ravenwood does seem like it would be an old money name - but instead she's a lot more of a rougher and more confrontational character.

And I suppose that is more interesting.

Sallah's fun, John-Rhys Davies has a great voice, and I was happy to see him back in Last Crusade.

Some of the effects are very dated and the sounds - especially the punch sounds - are as well, but it's an old movie so what are you gonna do? I accepted that as a relic of the time and enjoyed the movie in spite of that.

Something dated that's a bit harder to forgive is Temple of Doom.

Let's start with the positives: Lao Che's club is a lot of fun. I think his club is a reused set from Return of the Jedi because with how white and smooth it is, along with the seating bowl we see in one of the shots, it reminds me a lot of the Mon Calamari cruises from Episode VI. I could be wrong about that, but they were filmed a year apart and Lucas literally named it Club Obi-Wan, so I wouldn't be surprised at all if the whole thing is a redressed Star Wars set.

Willie's a bit grating. There's no way around that, I'm sorry.

Short Round though...yeah, he has a few annoying moments, but I actually found him endearing. The ways that he looks up and mimics Indy - sorry, Dr. Jones - are fun, and it's nice to see Indy cares about him too.

The portrayal of India though...oof.

Spielberg and Lucas have apparently said that the whole dinner scene with the eels and eyeballs and monkey brains and all that is supposed to be a ploy to scare off Indy and the British officer dude, but...they did not do a good job of conveying that at all. It just feels like over the top orientalism.

Same thing with the Thuggee cult in general. Mola Ram's costume is all over the place and with his skull helmet off, that red paint on his forehead feels a lot more like the other type of Indian. It's like a storm of foreign culture cliches thrown together at random and it's pretty damn jarring. They even got the Maharaja torturing Indy with a voodoo doll which...okay then, I guess we really are just throwing anything and everything at this, huh?

From what I understand their portrayal of Kali is also completely off.

There's also a lot of brown face in that movie. The late Pat Roach was playing the slavemaster, for instance.

Then making the British Army show up at the end to save Indy & co...sheesh. No wonder this movie got banned in India for awhile.

Still, if you can get past all that and see it as a product of its time, it's a fun enough movie. It's the weakest of the trilogy though.

Onto Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Harrison Ford and Sean Connery, what else do you need?

No seriously, that's it. It's good, watch it.

...

...

...

Okay fine, I'll talk about it.

I like this one a lot. I know Raiders is the classic one that everyone loves, but this one might be my favorite.

Venice, Austria, Berlin, Antioch, down to Petra in Jordan...it's a lot of fun set locations and set pieces. I really enjoyed Elsa as the "Indy girl" of this movie, I really enjoyed the banter back and forth between Henry Sr. and Indiana, and I think the Nazis in this movie are just great antagonists.

They look evil as fuck, they have the Hugo Boss fit on fleek, Vogel is a great villain, the modified World War I tank was a great set piece, and we have plenty of old car porn in this one - particularly the old Rolls Royce, which is not, in fact, a Phantom II - so what's not to like?

Well, Donovan probably goes down a bit too easy. I know that these movies are big on the whole villains are destroyed for trying to harness a power they cannot understand, but he does die pretty quickly and pretty stupidly. I guess the Vogel fight was pretty long, so a long Donovan fight probably would've bogged the ending down a lot, but it was a bit disappointing to see him easily duped into killing himself.

Elsa's end, meanwhile, i thought was fitting. She couldn't let go of her obsession, and in the end, the grail's spell got to her. It almost got to Indy too, but then Henry gave him the fatherly love which is what he really wanted. And yeah, that's a bit schlocky, but who cares? it's nice and meaningful.

So yeah, none of them are perfect movies, but I enjoyed them a lot.

The Great Circle fits in among the movies quite nicely, I think. Gina fits as another "Indy girl" and is probably my favorite when adding her in to the classic movies, and Troy Baker does such a great job as Indy that even Harrison Ford gave him his blessing.

Plus ending on karate fighting a Nazi on the top of Noah's Ark is exactly the type of goofy shit these movies would come up with and I mean that in the best way possible.

Oh, one other thing I wanted to yap about: there are a lot of scenes in these movies where the guns are very clearly not firing anything, and again, I get it, old movie, but wow, sometimes it's really obvious. There was a bit in Last Crusade where Indy thrashed around an MP40 that wasn't doing anything, and it straight up took me a second to realize they were trying to show him shooting.

Old movies gonna old movie.

I'm gonna watch the next two movies soon, probably this week, but from what I hear, they're not quite up to snuff. Let me know if you guys want my thoughts, otherwise, this is probably gonna be the last Offtopic Offseason for awhile because it's the Daytona 500 this weekend. They'll be a NASCAR race every weekend from now until November, and once NASCAR starts, the likes of MotoGP, F1, and Indycar aren't far behind.

Looking forward to the Henry Jones Jr.polis 500.

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

Two beers and a puppy for the Holbrook characters?

(Based on this post.)

Ooh okay, SO this is possibly my most subjective ask thus far?? I feel like everyone’s gonna have their own comfort levels for each of these (and I genuinely do wanna know what y’all’s responses are!). For the sake of keeping it more personal, I’m gonna do two beers and my dearly beloved cat vs a hypothetical puppy! Which… I do think cats are less work than puppies, so maybe that changes things a little but… here we go!

Steve Murphy: Two beers with Steve is not a tall order. He’s maybe not someone I’d be interested in being besties with, but I’d be down to get to know him for a few hours and see how I feel after. I’m sure he’s got some decent stories, and if nothing else, he seems like he’d be a good listener if I wanted to talk. I would 100% trust him to watch my cat. No question. I’m not sure he’d play with her like she likes, but she’d be fed and watered and appropriately stimulated twice a day just like I asked. The litter would be cleaned out when I got back.

Donald Pierce: I’d totally get two beers with him, not because I think he’d be fun to go out drinking with (probably not) but because I’m a slut for Donald Pierce and I’m thinking with my downstairs head where he’s concerned. *Tentatively yes* for watching my cat. I actually would probably hesitate more if it was a puppy, but cats are easier, and I think he can follow instructions to the letter, although he might “forget” to empty the litter. But hey, it’s just a weekend. I also feel like Pierce is a cat guy for some reason. He melts for a friendly kitty!

Cap Hatfield: Yes and yes, but a little begrudgingly to both. I’m sure he’d be fine to get beers with, but I can also see us awkwardly sitting in silence for a good bit while I struggle to come up with interesting questions for him (I foresee a lot of one-word answers from Cap. Not even to be rude! Just. It is how he is sometimes!) For the latter: I do think Cap can be responsible but… he also wouldn’t be my first choice for a pet sitter for some reason. I feel like he might be inclined to let her outside if she’s staring at a bird wistfully enough.

Clement Mansell: Oh I’d totally get two beers with him! And I’d be so into it when two beers becomes two shots becomes helping him cut lines of coke with my credit card. He’d be a blast to hit up clubs with! I’d just… try to stay out of the way if he caused a fight! I wouldn’t trust him to watch my cat. I don’t think he’d do anything malicious - in fact, I bet he’d play with her adorably - I just don’t trust he’d remember to show up and I don’t trust he wouldn’t steal something from my house while I was gone if the mood struck him.

The Corinthian: Haha! No and no. He might be fun to go out with, but I wouldn’t trust him to watch my drink, and I also bet he’d ditch me in an instant if he saw a hot twink… or worse, make me an accessory to the murder. No thanks! It’s funny - I don’t have the same immediate “hell no” gut reaction for pet sitting that I did with Clement, but ultimately I just don’t think I could trust the Corinthian enough to agree to it. She’s small and helpless!

Eli Klaber: Klaber would probably be fine to get two beers with, although maybe not more than that. I feel like Klaber’s impressionable enough that I could maybe use our conversation to steer him away from Voller’s rhetoric! Worth a shot! I would not let him watch my cat. Sorry, Klaber! I’m sure you’d give it your best, I just don’t trust you wouldn’t feed her something she couldn’t eat or like… bring by a bouquet of lilies to brighten up the house. Unlike Clement and Corinthian, I have no doubt Klaber would take his responsibility seriously. He’d try to be helpful! I just don’t know that that’s necessarily better in his case!

Danny Maguire: Having a drink with Danny does not seem fun! I feel like he’d get way too wild too quick, but not in a spirited and excitable way like Clement. I can see him trying to bully bartenders into giving him free drinks by throwing his dad’s name around. I would not trust him to watch my cat!

Ty Shaw: Yes and YES. This was the easiest decision of all of them. Ty would be my top pick of all these guys to get beers with (we’d have such a fun time! He’d scare away any creeps!) and he’s my top pick to watch my cat too! He might feed her extra treats, but he’d show up on the dot twice a day like asked, and he’d absolutely stick around and play with her until she was all pleasantly tuckered out and snoozing happily in his arms. He’d send so many cute status photos and videos.

Quinn McKenna: I… don’t think I’d want to get a beer with Quinn. I just don’t think I’d have fun! I would absolutely trust him to watch my cat though, and hell, maybe he’d teach her a new trick by the time I got back.

[cosyvelvetorchid]

@bucktommyfluffebruary Day 9: Moving in together.

A prompt I was given last year titled ‘Orchids’.

*****

Rated G | 914 words

The day had finally arrived. After weeks of slowly packing up his things in between his shifts, Buck was finally moving in with Tommy.

There wasn’t really all that much to move in on the day. Buck had been taking a couple of boxes of stuff over to Tommys every time he stayed over, so all that was left was the the remainder of his kitchen equipment, toiletries and the washer and dryer which were far newer than Tommys who had agreed to donate his own machines to make room for Bucks.

In the two weeks of preparation Tommy himself had taken the opportunity to clear out some of his possessions and get rid of some junk. Mostly books he’d long since read and random tools and car parts.

Buck flopped down on the sofa next to Tommy with a grunt. Tommy wrapped his arm around his neck pulling Bucks temple to his lips for a kiss.

“You okay, baby?” He asked. Buck slid his hands around Tommy waist.

“Tired. But happy.” He hummed into Tommys chest. Tommy replied with a kiss to the top of his head.

“Not regretting moving in?” He teased.

Buck placed a hand on Tommys chest for leverage to push himself up to meet Tommys eyes. “Not in a million years.” He grinned.

“Good.” Tommy leaned in for a soft kiss to his lips. Buck settled back down onto Tommys chest. After a few moments he noticed a large black book on the coffee table.

“What’s that?” He asked through a yawn.

“Oh, I wanted to show you.” Tommy said excitedly leaning forward to grab it. “I found it when I was clearing out stuff for your impending arrival.” He placed it on his lap and Buck sat up a little so look. “It’s a photo album that belonged to my grandmother.”

He opened it up and slowly flipped the pages. She really was quite beautiful when she was younger and Buck could see the family resemblance in the eyes and the signature smile lines.

“How old were you when she died?”

“Uh, 20.”

“Tell me about her.” Buck said resting his head on Tommy shoulder.

“She was so much fun. Eccentric at times. A little impulsive. You remind me of her sometimes, ya know.”

“Yeah?” The thought made Buck feel warm inside.

“Yeah. God, she would have loved you. She loved shenanigans and she definitely wouldn’t have had a hard time roping you in on them.” He laughed fondly. “She was always smiling and happy. I can’t ever remember her being mad at anyone or any thing.” He flipped the page to a slightly browning and dog eared photograph of her standing next to a table, on top of which was a tall orchid with a “1st prize” rosette stuck to it.

“That was her favourite hobby—growing orchids. She won so many competitions at flower shows. She probably spent more money than she won as prizes but she loved it so much.”

“I wish I could have met her.” Buck said softly.

“Me too.”

*****

A week later and Buck was entirely unpacked in his new home. He came off a 48 hour shift a few hours before Tommys 24 ended. He’d tried to stay awake for him coming home but minutes after he’d sat on their sofa his slid down and fell asleep.

Tommy arrived home and kicked off his shoes and dropped his bag by the door. “Hey baby.” He called out. “Baby?” He repeated when he got no response. He walked along the hall and peered into the living room and his heart melted at the sight.

Buck, with his hands tucked in underneath his chin, lay soundly asleep sprawled along the sofa. Tommy quietly walked in the room and slowly pulled the crocheted blanket from the back of the sofa and gently draped it over him. He placed a delicate kiss onto his head and left the room for the kitchen.

As he entered the room he stopped dead in his tracks. On the centre of the kitchen island was a white ceramic plant pot with a beautiful bright blue orchid planted inside. He felt a rush of warmth fill every crevice in his body at the thoughtfulness of his boyfriend.

There was a time in his life not too far in the past when he didn’t think he’d ever find someone special, let alone someone with as thoughtful and attentive as Evan. He smiled as a tear escaped his eye and snaked its way down his cheek.

He walked over and tentatively ran his finger along one of the petals.

“Do you like it?” A groggy voice came from behind him. He turned his head to see Buck, eyes slightly scrunched as he adjusted to the light and hair disheveled. He fell in love with him just a little bit more at the sight.

He walked straight over to him, one hand grabbed around Bucks waist and the other the back of his neck and pulled him in for a firm kiss. Buck hummed in response and Tommys heart flipped in his chest.

“I love you.” He whispered releasing the kiss and resting their foreheads together.

Buck smiled happily “I love you, too.” He said. “And I hope your grandma taught you some shit because I have no idea how to keep this bad boy alive.” Tommy’s head leant back as he let out a loud laugh.

“I’m sure we can figure it out.”

[safyresky]

Whoops! Chapter 3 got hit with the rewrite beam! Oh no :) :) :) Check it out on ao3 HERE :)

I love the Twins SM it's SO HARD to pick a new fave so take the most DRAMATIC part instead (and possibly the funniest fucking thing Fino's ever said):

“Hmm. They’re super confused.” “I don’t blame them. This is quite the large group. Once you let them know what’s happened, they’ll head back south nice and proper and I’m sure they’ll be able to spread the word to the other migratory flocks.” “What if they miss a few and some are stranded here?” “We can take them home!” “Absolutely not. That’s far too north for them. And think of your mother’s carpets, Fiera.” “Oh yeah! The green poops. Heh. I forgot about that.”

“We’ll add them to the shortlist, Fi!” “You didn’t hear that, Gran.” Mother Nature laughed. “It’s cute that you think I’m going to ignore that, hun. Now! That’s enough chatter. Let your brother send the geese off and absolutely no stragglers are to follow us home. Understood?” She gave both twins a stern look. They looked at each other briefly before sighing, agreeing in unison. “Good. Now! Go on, Fino! Get to it! Your sister and I will be right here watching.” “Aye-aye, Captain!” And with a jaunty little salute, Fino rushed to the flock, honking in earnest. “Hehe. He sounds silly when he talks to animals.” “He’s very direct.” “Yeah! I also think he likes the way the animal languages sound as opposed to ours! And he’s kinda right. I mean. Listen.”

The cacophony of honking from what looked to be the lead birds was not pretty in the slightest. It was loud, and obnoxious—as most geese sounds are. Fino didn’t sound any different; but, Mother Nature had to admit, Fiera was right—it was very funny to watch the young sprite honk at the geese. She chuckled, watching as the other birds hopped closer, the honks dying down, the birds giving Fino the field. “Hey, Gran…” “Yes dear?” “The ice on the volcano…it was magic.” “That sounds like a statement.” “Well, it was gonna be a question but I think I know the answer already, and I think you know that I know the answer already too.” “…yes. It was indeed magic.” “But it wasn’t Mom’s. Or Jacqueline’s. Or yours. Unless you did this just for our MELTs?” “I would never! At least, not out and about. I’d make a simulation for you somewhere in the garden if I didn’t have something to suit the needs of your MELT. But there’s always something, Fiera.” “So we both know it wasn’t any of the winter sprites we know.” Mother Nature pondered for a moment. Choosing to stay silent, she nodded instead. “…there’s something I gotta tell you.” “Hmm. I thought as much.” “Me and Fins both, actually—WAIT! WHADDAYA MEAN YOU THOUGHT AS MUCH?!” Mother Nature laughed. “Fiera. Sweetie. I’m Mother Nature. I know everything. Especially when little sprites are hiding secrets so big they’re making me think of the volcano.” “I FEEL like the volcano! If I don’t say it I think I’m gonna EXPLODE! We’ve been keeping it quiet for a while but it’s hard Gran! Really hard!” “Oh, I know, honey. Trust me, I know.” She threw an arm over Fiera, pulling her in for a side hug. “You know, it’s not healthy to keep things bottled in. Especially for sprites. Especially for sprites as young as yourselves.” “I know,” Fiera moaned, burying her head in Mother Nature’s skirts briefly. “Fino keeps saying it and I definitely feel it! It’s just—like, I know! I know we shouldn’t! It’s just very hard ‘cause we weren’t told to not share it but it felt like we couldn’t, and we figured that mom and dad don’t really like to hear about it at all otherwise they probably would’ve told us themselves, and—” “Fiera dear.” Mother Nature sunk down. Carefully, she turned Fiera towards her, placing both hands on the sprite’s shoulders. “It’s okay. Calm down, okay? Take a breather. Can you do that for me?” Cheeks puffing up with air, Fiera nodded. “Good. Now. Breath in…yes, yes, that’s good…hold it…and let it out—” “AHHH! WE KNOW ABOUT OUR BROTHER! WE KNOW ABOUT JACK!” Right on cue, the geese all took off in one go, squawking as they took to the skies. Most of them headed south, nice and proper, while some branched off, setting out west and east and further north—to let the others know about the warm weather, presumably. Below them, Fino stood in a panicked spreadeagle, hair sparking, mouth agape. “YOU GOOD, FIERA?” “I TOLD MOTHER NATURE THE THING!” “YOU DID?” Fiera’s lips wobbled. “Y-YEAH.”

“WHOA NELLY!”

WHOA NELLY. I crack myself up lmao 🤣

ANYWAY! Go forth and enjoy! If you want! There is a good chance I will be idly touching the rest of MtF up throughout the year ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so that's a thing lol.

You read that meme right, folks!

I made the mistake of rereading Meet The Frosts the other day, realized HOW OUT OF DATE THE PROLOGUE LORE WAS, and promptly rewrote it.

You can check THAT out on ao3 HERE

(NOT on ff dot net yet bc ya girl hasn't edited it to match lol)

OR below the cut, IN FULL! THAT'S RIGHT! I'M POSTING IT HERE, IN FULL!!! FOR EASY, QUICK REF.

ENJOY!

🌹👑✨🌺

It wasn't every day Mother Nature felt stressed beyond belief.

Sure, what she did was stressful. She was, after all, the matriarch of all nature, and keeping the balance of all of nature wasn't the easiest thing to do. That in itself was a lot more complex than it sounded.

Thankfully, she didn't have to do it all by herself! She had help: her four lovely daughters, the Season Sisters.

They managed themselves quite well, inter-seasonal squabbles aside. They were the seasons, after all. Their help meant the world to Mother Nature; they meant the world to her. And they loved what they did, which made Mother Nature's own workload a lot easier (and a lot of fun, to boot).

She still chipped in, of course. After all, she was Mother Nature. She loved field work!

Unfortunately for her, there were other balance-related issues she took care of as well. And with the seasons taking care of themselves, this left her with a lot more time to take care of the multitude of said issues that arose throughout the world. Issues which seemed to be growing exponentially as the years passed by.

She did what she could, of course (though a lot of the work was long term and not as instantaneous as she'd like). She'd set things in motion, monitor them, and intervene when she could, and hope for the best as she worked what she often jokingly referred to as her second job: advisor to the entirety of the magical land of Crystal Springs.

Hidden away from the prying eyes of mortals and those who would mean harm to the magical beings that inhabited it, Crystal Springs was a bastion to all magical folk from all wakes of life. Named for the healing springs at the centre of the continent, it was located out in the Arctic Sea, just west-ish of the North Pole. A good majority of your average magical folk chose to make their home there, Mother Nature included. Here they lived peacefully, hidden from mortals and looked over by Mother Nature herself.

There was a governing body, of course; made up of five governors and eight lieutenants. And they looked after their designated locales well enough. But upon their founding they'd given Mother Nature a seat on what they called the Assembly, and more often than not turned to her for reassurance, final decisions, and so on and so forth. She had power of veto and the power to appoint the governors themselves. Being omnipotent did that to a gal, she supposed. And given the duty passed on to her by her predecessor, who was given her duty by the Goddess herself, well.

Mother Nature considered all of the magibeans her people, and made sure to look after them all, on top of all her other responsibilities.

And she did it damn well.

She had a system; she had balance. Nothing was ever out of place and when it was, she and the Seasons made sure to right them as swiftly as possible.

What nobody had expected when Mother Nature's system came into being was the mischief one Jack Frost tended to cause.

A lot more frequently than anyone would expect.

Mother Nature shook her head as she left the warmth of the North Pole's kitchen. She wondered if the Council as a whole had done the right thing after Jack's latest schemes. Him staying at the North Pole for community service was definitely concerning. He was…incredibly jealous of Santa, and that was putting it mildly.

But since it was Santa that Jack had tried to upstage two-hundred and seventy three times, it was Santa's final decision, whatever action the Council chose to take against Council Member Jack Frost.

And he had chosen community service of all things.

And they had agreed to it!

And NOW she had to put all of her regular duties aside to gather two-hundred and seventy cardboard cutouts, unfreeze a volcano, send geese back to Mexico (after she warmed it up a bit first, of course), AND deal with a SNOWSTORM in the AMAZON of all places. All while her worry about Jack's sentence sizzled on the back burner!

Needless to say, it was fairly easy for her to understand how Santa was feeling this year.

"Seems you have your work cut out for you today, Mother Nature."

"Tell me about it. A tropical snowstorm! Who on Earth would ever imagine a tropical snowstorm?!"

"Evidently, Jack." Father Time cocked his head. "He's always been quite the imaginative one."

Mother Nature tried to smile. But she found it very hard to do so when the weight of the entire mess she had to clean up hit her.

Her face twitched. She didn't know where, exactly, but there was a twitch. She could feel it.

"A wise woman once told me that even Legendary Figures need to ask for help once and a while," Father Time said, tapping the side of his nose. "Perhaps now is a good time for her to take her own advice?"

"Oh, she is already thinking that exact thing. Some help would most definitely be in order."

She could ask Summer to give her a hand warming things up. Spring could talk to the geese, and Winter could move the snowstorm…of course, considering whose fault this entire mess was, perhaps it was better if she left the two warmer seasons out of this mess. Or maybe kept the coldest season in the dark? Autumn could take care of the frosty problems and Mother Nature could move the snowstorm herself...

No, no. Spring would tell her eventually if she didn't find out on her own. Or already knew, even. 

Mother Nature sighed as she realized her only option.

"I'll have to go visit the Frosts."

Father Time smiled. "I assume Winter is in a talkative mood. Your visit will be about two hours and forty-four minutes. Would you like the seconds?"

"Oh, no need. I know you're always on the ball, Father Time."

The old man chuckled. "All the luck," he said with a wink, eyes twinkling as he faded into the folds of time, vanishing on the spot as silently as he had appeared by her side moments before.

"Thanks. I'm going to need it."

It wasn't long after that that she reached the outside of the Workshop. Glancing around to make sure there weren't too many elves in her area of effect, she disappeared in a flash of bright light. The snowy grounds and cheery far-off elves faded away, the tiny, colourful buildings blurring together and shifting into a gorgeous, low lit forest.

The trees around her were dense. Sunlight streamed through the branches, the ground dappled with little pinpricks of light. The trees in front of her shrouded a glowing lilac portal, the light from it casting them in a purple glow. 

The entrance to the large physics-defying garden she called home in Crystal Springs.

She needed a moment.

Rubbing her temples, she stepped through the portal and into a sunny clearing. Several stone paths spiralled out around her, foliage of all sorts bordering each one. Folding her hands gently in front of her, she surveyed the paths.

Between the work to be done and what had been done and the past that was threatening to have her dwelling for the next hour, she could feel a tension headache fast approaching.

A walk around the garden was just what she needed.

A moment to ground herself; to get her thoughts in order, let the dwelling happen (if it must), and prepare her before she brought Jack's mother, and perhaps the rest of the family as well, into the mess he had made.

🌹👑✨🌺

Mother Nature was not a procrastinator.

It wasn't in her nature. And it wasn't that she didn't enjoy seeing Winter and her family; quite the contrary. Visiting Frost Manor was always a delight.

It wasn't the Frosts themselves that caused Mother Nature to go for a stroll in her numerous gardens. Or nearly follow the stroll with a thoughtful soak in the river that ran through her garden. That wasn't the reason she was putting off her visit.

It was the dwelling.

It had started.

And Mother Nature found herself going down the age old rabbit hole she found herself constantly going down every time she went to go visit Winter to talk about whatever it was Jack had done this time.

Sighing, she turned away from the sparkling river and headed to her greenhouse kitchen, deep in thought.

The greenhouse was large and spacious. Sunlight streamed through the windows, plants growing amongst her counters and cabinets. Spanish moss hung from the cold box, the warmth hugging her as she put on a cup of tea. She wandered outside with her cup, sitting down at her favourite bistro table on the patio alongside the greenhouse.

She loved visiting Winter. She loved seeing the life she had built for herself. She loved visiting her grandkids, and loved seeing her son-in-law outside of the workplace. It was always a treat. The Frosts were a vibrant, eccentric bunch, always on the go with something or other and more than happy to chat at length about it—the youngest two, especially.

And she hated hated hated having to visit to deliver bad news. It always made her think of the messy history that led to the season’s estrangement with her eldest child and how it just wasn’t fair. Everything that had happened wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t even her fault!

But Fate was rarely fair.

And unlike the other Fates, their Fate loved to intervene.

See, Mother Nature’s dwelling usually went like so:

She would think about how awful it was that she had to deliver this type of news to the Frosts. Then she would think about the day Jack had left. The events leading up to it. And somehow she’d find herself drifting even farther back, thinking of the events that had led to Winter and Blaise finally being free to settle down and start a family together.

She’d think of the War of Succession. The Call. The Fae War. She’d find herself going so far as to think of a time before even herself! Way back when Mother Gaia roamed the Earth, well before she had created Mother Nature!

It was said that way back then, millennia ago, there was a time when magic roamed wild throughout the world. The era of Wild Magic. Ancient history to the magibeans.

And it was where Mother Nature’s dwelling often began.

It had been peaceful, the Wild Magic Era. Until the ordinary beings (non-magical folk) started taking advantage of the magical folk. Coveting the magic they used. Trying to steal it, wield it, deal it, even. It got violent. Magibeans were getting hurt. Killed.

Until Gaia stepped in.

She had been sent by the mythical creator of the mythical beings: the Goddess herself. The Goddess had a place for them, Gaia said. A place where they’d be safe from the magic hunters, free to live; to thrive. And she intended to bring everyone to the Springs.

A large undertaking, for sure. But to her surprise, she had help.

Two bright young summer sprites, one a master of his season, the other a brilliant warlock, both well known to magibeings and ordibeings alike, had already begun gathering their fellow magibeans and bringing them to safety throughout the world.

When Gaia reached the magibeans with news of the Springs, the two of them had stepped up to bat before the bat was even invented and took charge. They helped lead hundreds of magibeans to Crystal Springs, under Gaia’s watchful eye and careful guidance. And thanks to their efforts, everyone was brought safely and securely to the Springs, magibeans completely non-existent now in the outer world.

They established their settlements. The bright young summer sprites, Canicus and Serafina, continued leading, helping everyone settle where best suited, and giving those that had helped them help everyone small groups of their own to look after, establishing various hamlets, towns, and outposts throughout the new lands. So when the time came to figure out who would lead them all as a unit (Gaia had declined the position herself before it was even brought up), it was a no brainer: Canicus and Serafina would be ideal. They’d already been doing it for a good few decades, right? May as well make it official.

The pair of sprites themselves quite agreed. So much so that they married, securing their position with one another and choosing a name for themselves as one: Frost.

And so, King and Queen Frost began their official rule over Crystal Springs. A rule that did not let up for thousands upon thousands of years. The people looked to them, and they took care of the people. They kept everyone safe, by any means necessary, and Gaia was more than happy (and quite relieved) to slow down and live her life.

She’d created a protégé, you see: Tara, a sprite like herself who, thousands of years later sat in their Garden, sipping tea, thinking all the way back to those very beginnings and how Mother Gaia had laughed at the irony of the name choice.

It suits them, though, she had told a very young Mother Nature. It’s versatile, you know. Frost is beautiful…but it’s cold. And it can be deadly.

She said many funny little things. Wise things, too. Gaia had taught Tara everything she knew and once the sprite had achieved mastery of all nature, it was time for the second part of her education: diplomacy.

Why, it was on the occasion of her first official test that Gaia had turned to her and said, it’s best we don’t dawdle, Tara dear. Procrastination isn’t in our nature, you know.

And yet here she sat, doing just that.

But on that day, they’d been summoned urgently by the monarchs because something had happened. Something severe enough to warrant an out of breath messenger to tumble through the garden and topple in front of the stone dining table, catching their breath and holding a note out to the pair of them in the middle of their dinner.

The Queen, expecting, had delivered twins.

That had been a surprise for them all.

Queen Serafina was a brilliant warlock. She was well versed in all the magical ways: new, old, lost. She could go toe to toe with the best of the best—witches, wizards, sorcerers, and fellow warlocks alike would know nothing compared to the wealth of knowledge she possessed. She was put together, and strong, and regal, and everything a queen ought to be, or so everyone said.

But when Gaia and Tara arrived that night, she was distraught. She was angry. She was a mess (childbirth and all). Canicus didn’t even get to finish his greeting when Serafina looked up at them and told them with the utmost certainty and conviction and an undercurrent of fury that she knew exactly what had happened to make her boys be just that. Her boys, plural.

Upon her marriage to Canicus, Serafina had happily left behind a jilted paramour: Fate himself.

He had been young, at the time. The youngest of all the Fates. And when Serafina had spurned him, he watched and waited and planned the perfect revenge: split the heir apparent into the heirs apparent, amongst much confusion so as to ensure that the heir apparent wouldn’t be apparent at all.

Unfortunately for Fate, King Canicus was just as bright as his Queen.

Upon seeing two boys amongst the confused medical staff he’d immediately sent for Mother Gaia, who had brought Tara along as well.

Her first official task: help the King and Queen figure out which Prince would be next in line.

No pressure for a first challenge, right?

Mother Nature took a sip of her tea, taking a moment to cradle the hot cup close to her face, letting the steam waft, tickling her pores. Just ride it out, Tara, she thought to herself. Get through the past and back to the present and then we can figure everything out.

The twins were passed over to Tara and Gaia. Sure enough, they were similar in almost every single way.

Almost.

What Tara and Gaia both picked up on after a few careful moments of scrutinization was the hair: one boy had slightly darker hair than the other one.

Relieved, the Queen named the dark-haired boy Pyros and the light-haired boy Blaise and immediately began to discuss with Canicus what would be done in terms of succession, requesting the Matriarchs of Nature stay put for the proceedings. Tara had stood dutifully beside Gaia, watching as the medical staff cleaned Serafina up, the woman nursing her boys with ease while talking business with her partner.

(It had honestly been a little impressive. The woman had just given birth to TWO babies and was already right back at her royal duties).

Many ideas were floated back and forth. Some tame, some intense. Finally, the King and Queen turned to the Matriarchs and looked at them expectantly. Well? Serafina had demanded. What do you make of it all?

And Tara had no idea why she said what she said. She didn’t think; she simply opened her mouth and the words came out, unbidden, Gaia lighting up.

Let nature take its course.

That’s my girl, Gaia had said in her head as Canicus straightened and said The bloody hell do you mean by THAT!?

Let nature take its course, she had repeated. Raise them alongside one another; don’t pick one over the other just yet. Let them grow. See who they become. One will want to rule, and the other won’t. Watch them grow and learn and become the people they were meant to be and let their nature guide you.

The King and Queen had shared a look. Canicus raised an eyebrow; Serafina nodded.

Very well.

As you wish.

And so nothing silly happened. The boys grew up together as the Twin Princes, getting along just fine and seemingly both eager to learn and grow. And as they grew and learnt and became the people they were, it was apparent that what Tara had said was just about right.

Blaise, the light haired twin, didn’t seem keen on taking the crown. And Pyros, the dark-haired twin, did. And that was all fine and good except for one tiny itty bitty problem.

See, Blaise had all the makings of a ruler. Charismatic, caring, thoughtful, if a little bit troublesome at times. Pyros, meanwhile, was the exact opposite. Thoughtful of himself and those closest to him only; keen on power, seeing how far he could go, and eschewing any and all possibilities of interacting with their people, preferring to do his duties as independently as possible. Charismatic as well, but more often than not using it for his own gain amongst fellow castors and those he took a fancy too.

So although the nature of what they wanted differed from their personal nature, Mother Nature had been right. The boys came of age, and the time came for the decision to be made.

And the King and Queen did no such thing.

They put it off, and off, and off. They tried all sorts of things to test the pair of them, seeing who would be the best fit, and never agreeing on which boy it would be. One day Serafina would say Pyros; Canicus would say Blaise. The next, Canicus would say Pyros, and Serafina would say Blaise. On and on it went, the two boys never doing well enough in both the eyes of the King and Queen. The desires of the monarchs to keep the power blinded them to any obvious solutions.

Time passed. The thirst both boys had, one for freedom, and one for power grew and grew until finally, enough was enough. It was time someone put their foot down and made a decision.

And that's just what Pyros did.

He wanted the crown. Demanded it, even. Felt he was more deserving with all the time he’d devoted to learning everything there was to learn about power. He hadn’t quit his studies. Blaise had. Who was more deserving than he, Pyros? Obviously, he was meant to rule; not Blaise, the quitter, the twin that (suddenly in his eyes) should not have been. His conquest began that first night, when he sieged and seized the castle. The King and Queen disappeared to Rosehaven; whether or not they had done it themselves, or Pyros had made them, nobody knew. Not even Blaise, who somehow managed to escape mostly unscathed with as many as the castle staff and tenants as he could that hadn’t been swayed by the likes of Pyros.

And so the War of Succession began.

The trigger moment, if you will, and in her dwelling Mother Nature most certainly would. It was very much where it all began.

Forces were amassed; fortifications made, Blaise directing armies to keep the people safe while he tried desperately to reason with the brother he was oh-so-fond of.

But it didn’t work. Nothing did. Blaise was forced to fight as Pyros made moves to take the entire continent by force, refusing peace talks of any sort, and so he did what he needed to do. The fighting raged on, Blaise gaining ground until Pyros decided to outsource, if you will, culminating in them once again being revealed to the world.

Mortals joined the ranks of Pyros’s armies, wanting power, a taste of magic for themselves. And Pyros promised them that. So his armies grew, and people—both magibeans and ordibeings alike—were taken prisoner.

But magihumans didn’t like that very much, and they joined Blaise’s ranks, and everything came to a stalemate until Pyros did the unthinkable in a last ditch effort to turn the tides fully his way and win.

He took prisoners. Prisoners near and dear to those who opposed him.

Including Mother Nature’s very own children.

She had been furious.

She still was. Just thinking about it made her tea boil all over again! Refreshing her cup with a huff, she took a moment to ground herself. To feel angry about it all once again. To remember how she’d enlisted the help of the Grand Witches, the Head Warlock, the Sorcerers—every high ranking castor who was willing to help.

But Pyros was powerful enough to rival the Head Castors just by himself.

Each time they infiltrated, they were able to grab one season. Each time they came back, it got harder and harder to extract them.

Finally, when they went back the fourth time, they were defeated. Though Mother Nature had saved Spring, Summer, and Autumn, Winter was trapped.

Her sisters were beside themselves. They explained how every time Mother Nature and her forces had arrived, Winter made them go before her. And when the Head Castors finally had a gameplan, they learnt it would take days for them to overcome the magics in place and rescue Winter (and hopefully the other hostages, as well).

And that’s when Blaise had arrived in the Garden.

She felt the anger ebb away, finally leaving her. Taking a steadying breath, she sat back down, holding the warm cup tightly in her hands, watching as her reflection in the tea smiled softly.

Blaise had come to them with a plan.

He had infiltrated his brother's fortress, and had been planting his own men inside of the stronghold for the longest time now. He would be able to bring Winter back easily, no magic necessary.

And he had.

All her Seasons home with her, Mother Nature was able to fully give Blaise her attention and support. And it was a good thing, too, because Blaise had a secret weapon: The Kringle Elves.

All the elves had kept to themselves right up until the Seasons were kidnapped. That's when they had had enough. Wanting to rule was one thing, but wanting to upset the balance and rule over nature itself? To stop the seasons from doing their thing? That’s where they had drawn the line. They’d made an alliance amongst themselves, sending their forces out into the world to keep balance as best as they can while the Kringle Elves stayed put. They reached out to Blaise. An alliance was made, and the united forces put together plans for a large attack. It was ready to go. All they needed was the support of the castors, Mother Nature, and her Seasons.

All of which who readily agreed.

The final piece in place, they were ready. Blaise worked with the leader of the Kringles to figure out the best approach for the final attack, and Winter had come up with the perfect idea to put a stop to Pyros once and for all.

They both had, actually! Accidentally. During a botched escape.

Of course, Mother Nature had thought, as the pair of them looked up at her, war torn and jaded and yet, still sheepish and so very, very young.

But it would work! They assured. The botched escape had paid off.

Then let's put an end to this nonsense, Mother Nature had said.

With Blaise's forces on the inside and outside of Pyros' base, they took the victory easily. With help from the Seasons, Pyros was cornered; Winter herself froze him in his tracks and Blaise solidified it, the Mad Prince sealed away and peace once again coming to the land.

Crystal Springs was cloaked once more. Ordibeings were fixed up and sent home. Magihumans were integrated and welcomed to the Springs. Pyros was sealed away by a group of the finest castors in all the lands, and the issue of succession was finally put to rest.

The crown would go to Blaise.

Blaise took it graciously and decided that his first and only act as King would be to abolish the monarchy, full stop.

And so he did. And with Mother Nature’s help, plans were put into motion to free the magibeans. They could come and go as they please; they would always be welcome back at home, but not forced to stay there for their own safety. Every single royal law would be read through and adjusted, fixed, or withdrawn as needed. New lines were drawn and each area was given a leading body of their own, with a governor to oversee everything and bring it back to the rest of what became known as the Assembly.

Work started almost right after the final battle. In a year, a plan had been made for the next hundred years, after which they’d refresh the Assembly and keep on keeping on.

But at home, it took all of them a lot longer to recover.

After the battle, Winter had not been herself. It took Mother Nature a few days before it clicked. The experience of the War and becoming a prisoner had done a number to the sprite. She had frozen her heart. She was still pleasant as always, kind and caring…but in an aloof, sad kind of way. She would not open her heart to anyone.

Except for Blaise.

She had thawed his heart; and in turn, he worked to thaw hers.

They were smitten with one another. Always had been. They made one another happy, and though it came up as she dwelled, Mother Nature would never say that this part of the story wasn’t fair. It was perhaps the fairest part of all. Both Blaise and Winter had been through so much, they deserved to find love with one another and be with one another and that’s exactly what happened. The night Blaise proposed, Winter thawed for the second time in her life, and they got married that very evening. Mother Nature had officiated! And it wasn’t very long after that that they had their first child: Jack.

And that's when everything went downhill.

🌹👑✨🌺

Well, not exactly.

Mother Nature rubbed her temples, refreshing her tea for the umpteenth time.

Her stomach was in knots. The dwelling persisted. Rain pounded on the glass of the greenhouse, thunder rolling somewhere in the garden. The plants swayed in the wind, the trees around her bending and creaking as she grabbed a cookie from the half-empty plate on the counter (a handwritten note on the plate reading xoxo Autumn and stained with grease). The snickerdoodle was still soft in the middle, fresh as they had been when they were made yesterday.

You would think, that after EVERYTHING they had been through, Blaise and Winter would’ve been able to just live their happily ever after with their brand new addition. You’d THINK. But NO. Of COURSE not. It should BE so easy.

When he had finally passed through babyhood and managed to stabilize his little form, Jack was a very bright child. He was very quick to learn and eager to expand his horizons.

But there was something…off.

It had been there since the moment he was born, and it didn’t take Mother Nature long to realize just what it was. Like his mother before him, Jack was frozen. Born as such, it seemed.

But that’s not usually how that happened. Ever.

Sprites weren’t born OR formed with hardened hearts. It was something they actively chose to do as they came into being. The reasons varied from sprite to sprite, of course. But one thing was certain: when sprites were born they were as uninhibited as the elements that powered them and that they, in turn, wielded.

Except for Jack.

He had honest to Goddess been born as frozen as could be, and to a far greater extent than Mother Nature had ever seen.

Nothing was ever enough for him. He always wanted more, and more, and more, and that more never seemed to have a limit. A goal. A stop. And end. It was constant avarice, all the time, and it was exhausting.

He was studious; learned as much as he could. So much so that when he had mastered his season, it was said that he’d broken right into the afterlife to continue to learn from the long gone magibeans residing there. As he grew into his thousands, a consistent streak of trouble was never far behind him. It seemed he was simply incapable of not causing trouble wherever he went, always trying to do more, be more, and having it immediately backfire on him. Disagreements became more and more frequent between him and his parents; between them as well, Mother Nature noted on occasion.

Sighing, she leaned on the counter, watching the rain through the windows of the greenhouse kitchen. It was like there was some kind of unbeknownst evil driving him. A strong word to use, but apt. He’d shift the scales of balance quite frequently misusing his seasonal prowess, usually on purpose. He established himself throughout the continent, then throughout the world, earning himself a mythic status and a seat on the Council of Legendary Figures.

But it still wasn’t enough.

And then shortly after he got his seat, a new guy came to town: Santa Claus.

Jack had only been in his seat for a few centuries when Kris Kringle made his deal with Saint Nicholas, and the role of Santa Claus was created to spread wonder throughout the world. It was enough to give him a seat on the Council, too, and Jack Did Not Like That and made it known. Outspoken at meetings. Trouble increasing tenfold. He seemed to be getting worse and worse, and it wasn’t until Blaise and Winter had a second child that Jack's misbehaviour came to a rolling stop.

He had just reached his two-thousands. He had the world at his feet, a Legendary Title, renown in the outside world, and did not expect to have a sibling, ever, at all.

But a sibling he got. A cute little baby sister who looked as wintry as him. She, too, was a winter sprite, much to Winter’s delight (Blaise’s too—he’d had a grand old century making the same terrible jokes about being the only summer sprite in the family so far, but was pleased as punch anyway). A fan of matching sets, Winter named her Jacqueline (Jack having a grand old century making the same well obviously you named her after moi jokes), and once she was done with babyhood and had stabilized her little form, she was never very far from her older brother.

She had been a delightful little child, and the pair were practically attached at the hip. As the years went by, somehow he’d managed to be put in charge of her spritely education. Surprisingly enough, he took to it with ease, teaching her everything he knew and then some.

In fact, Mother Nature was quite convinced that had it not been for what happened with the darkness, Jack and Jacqueline would’ve continued on this way and his frosty heart would, perhaps, have thawed eventually. How could it not with such a relentless force of joy constantly at his side? That would’ve been fair and well deserved. Jack deserved to feel the full effects of his hard work, instead of constantly wanting more. Jacqueline would’ve gotten all of the older brother she so adored.

But of course, that’s not what happened.

The rain slowed to a gentle pitter patter. It thickened; it floated softly to the ground now, shifting into snow.

The…incident with the darkness had the Council create the role of Legate within their ranks. Someone to take over their titles and continue to protect the magic each one of them was in charge of should something happen to the original. It only made sense that when this Legate Law was passed, Jack picked his then four-hundred-year-old sister to take his title should something happen to him.

Every single one of them had a Legate, with the exception of Santa. The pact between Kris and Nicholas meant that Santa’s role already had a successor ensured, excluding him from the Legate proceedings.

This only served to remind Jack of all the things he’d disliked about Santa before his sister was born. It didn't matter that Jack had a season to himself, or that he was one of the most powerful Legendaries on the Council.

It wasn't enough.

That Santa Claus had chosen Jack's season, Jack's time to shine, for his holiday and had all but erased the reputation Jack had once known. Now when it snowed, it was Santa who everyone thought of first, Christmas over winter…and Jack never liked that. He liked it even less now, knowing that he was once again getting special treatment for being Santa Claus.

His little streak of trouble came back, and now, he had a target: Santa.

Outside, the snow fell faster. The pitter patter returned, small chunks of ice hitting the glass with little tinks. Things went from bad to worse and one night after a particularly nasty incident, Blaise confronted Jack.

Needless to say, it…didn’t go well.

Jack did not hold back. He let it all out. Elements were thrown. He hurt his father, and his mother, and nearly killed his little sister, and then left, never to see his parents or sister again.

Mother Nature couldn’t even begin to imagine how they must’ve all felt.

At least they had survived. Even Jacqueline. And given the extent of her wounds…it must’ve been dicey, in the week it took for the storm to dissipate enough for Winter to break through it and rush the little girl to the Springs.

The three of them had recovered. But it had been…hard.

And they weren't quite the same after it all.

Blaise was a little more tired. Looked a little more weighed down than he used to. Jacqueline was not as exuberant as she’d been before; she was always subduing herself, Mother Nature noticed. Trying to seem smaller and not as big of a presence as she used to be. And Winter…well.

The storm outside slowed. The snow shifted, back to a gentle, melancholy flurry.

Winter had frozen her heart again.

Mother Nature sighed. Placing her empty cup down gently in the sink, she stepped back outside. She lifted a hand, swirling it around her in the air. The snowflakes came towards her, fast as could be, the clouds following until a miniature little cloud of snow hovered over her palm, snowflakes drifting down and dusting her hand in a light layer of snow.

“Off you go, now. Go find a nice little suburb and do your thing.”

The mini snowstorm wrapped itself up into a tiny, little snowball as Mother Nature launched it. It soared away, already drawn to several suburbs that could use a good flurry. Mother Nature watched it go, tilting her face up and closing her eyes as the sun came back, the temperature warming up.

Things were different for the Frosts after everything went down.

They’d gotten back to their usual selves, of course. Nothing like a rambunctious teenager and two new summer sprites to get you back in the game. But there had always been something a little different and it simply wasn’t fair and THAT’S why she tried to avoid the business visits as MUCH as she could. She HATED visiting for Jack-related reasons. She’d much rather today be a regular run of the mill visit. A little catch-up, like yesterday’s coffee date with Autumn and tomorrow’s lunch date with Spring.

It simply wasn’t fair.

But then again, Fate never really was fair, was he?

“You got that right, Momma Nat.”

“Oh, for the love of—could you not do that? In my own home?”

Humourless laughter floated in on the breeze, the winds changing and getting colder. The laughter grew louder as a cloaked figure appeared on the seat across from the one she had vacated, the smoke surrounding him making it seem as though he flickered in and out of existence.

"Hey earth lady. You’re the one broadcasting your thoughts all over the place. I’m just doing my job.”

Mother Nature opened her eyes. “Which is what, remind me again? To annoy me? Mess with my family on purpose?”

He opened his hands in a sort of half shrug. “I unwind as I will, Nat. Have a seat! More tea? Fourth cup’s a charm!”

Mother Nature frowned, carelessly waving her hand. A stronger than necessary wind blew, the hood falling back to reveal milky grey eyes and tied back dark hair.

"What are you doing here? I have a lot to do."

“Really now? Huh.” He sat back in his chair, feigning surprise. “I never would’ve guessed. I thought it was tea time.”

Twirling his hand, Fate conjured a cup for himself. Throwing one leg over the other, he sipped it, smacking his lips and making a very big show of the whole thing.

“Mm. Delicious.”

Mother Nature could feel her face twitching again. She huffed, marching to the bistro table and sitting down directly across from him as strictly and regally as she could muster while trying her best to not show her very obvious annoyance. She glared, hard enough to freeze the table. Fate was one of the only immortals who really got on Mother Nature's nerves. He was so hard to be around!

“You are so easy to rile up, did you know that?” chuckling, he settled back into his chair, waving away the cup. “Taunting and teasing aside, I am here for a reason, you know.”

“Other than to bother me?”

“Believe it or not, yes! You go through this every time Frost does something, did you know that? The same train of thought each. And. Every. Time."

“I am aware. That’s very state-the-obvious of you. Where are the riddles? The rhymes?”

“Ah, I'm over them. Direct is best, or at least, that's my modus operandi these days. The other fates aren’t fans, either.”

“I wonder why. Something, something, directly interfering instead of watching and weaving and sniping and such?”

“What can I say? I’m hands in, not hands on. Besides, I’m not one single path. Fate is multiple paths, they can go anywhere and everywhere and what happens is up to you. Or at least, it should be. Miss me with that threads shit.”

“And I suppose, given the past, you’re an exception to that rule.”

“Yes.”

“Mm. That’s what I thought.”

“Snippy today, aren’t we? Pre El Niño?”

Mother Nature made a low sound in her throat.

“Right, crossed a line; bad joke. I get it! My bad.” He held up both hands in front of him, in a tiny show of surrender. “I'll get to it then."

"Please do."

"I am here today to tell you that you…are right.”

Mother Nature hummed happily.

“Yeah, yeah, enjoy it while you can, Earth Lady. Look, here’s the thing. Every time Frost does something that causes you to visit the family, you are fated to have the same train of thought and redirect it all to me. And unfortunately, you are right, Tara.” He shifted forward in his seat. “See, we all make mistakes in our youth and not all of us recognize that and come to terms with it. But some do.”

“Oh, and this suddenly includes you?”

“Yes.”

For once, Fate sounded earnest. He recrossed his legs, cloak drifting around them as he looked up and off into the distance.

“Hmm. Good to know.”

“You sound unconvinced.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Nah.”

Mother Nature was pleasantly surprised. She blinked, her posture relaxing as she watched the fate closely. He uncrossed his legs, waving his hand. The tea cup came back, steam still wafting off the top.

“Hmm. Good to know.”

“Things will be changing this year though, Earth Lady, and that's why I'm here." He leaned forward across the table, almost touching noses with Mother Nature. "In order to rectify everything, you need to go visit the Frosts. Yet you sit here dallying. I’d say, you know, tit, tit, Momma G would not approve, but! Given her “rush” over to the palace the night the Princes were born…well, I think we both know that’s not quite correct.”

“Their messenger interrupted our dinner, Fate. Gaia wasn’t about to go on the clock on an empty stomach, and nor would she want me to do the same.”

“No, I’m not complaining! I appreciated it! The two of ‘em were so annoyed.”

“Mostly at you.”

“Well, when you learn someone never actually loved you, you can do crazy things.” He let go of the teacup. It floated beside him in mid-air. “Anyway, that’s why I’m here right now! I did a…fair amount of crazy things. BUT. The threads have all lined up and led us here.” He tapped the table top with his index fingers, leaning forward. “See, I did the whole Fate-thread-watching-thing and I have great news.” He grinned, wiggling in his seat. “All the threads are leading up to have this whole thing wrapped up with a neat little bow, but it all rides on you going to visit your Frosts."

He leaned back again, the floating teacup making its way back to his outstretched hand as he took a big, undignified slurp.

“Well, lucky for you, I'm afraid tea time has been significantly ruined for me.” Mother Nature stood up, glaring at Fate. “I'll be more than happy to take my leave now. Don’t be here when I get back.”

Not waiting for a reply, Mother Nature popped off in a brighter than usual golden glow, ignoring Fate’s cackling as she faded away. He settled in, sipping his tea and enjoying the sights of the garden.

The singular thread he had followed here split.

He smiled, content. Good. Things were back on track now. Multiple possibilities, all making their way towards the same end goal: fixing the mess he had made thousands upon thousands of years before. The players in place. Their choices theirs. And all he'd had to do was antagonize Tara.

Easy-peasy.

He could only hope the rest of the pieces would fall into place as easily as this one had.

That's all any of them could do, really.

Finishing off his tea, Fate disappeared from his spot, the garden left in peace once more.

[averlym]

litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)

[totally-not-an-awkward-okapi]

Look man I just think it’s a shame that Lon Chaney Jr’s horror film debut usually gets cut from the roster.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[dovedrangeas]

wholesome snow au snippet………... they’re brothers :)

[pebblezone]

The Beach Boys Love You (1977) is such a questionable album I mean it’s barely even a Beach Boys album based on who contributes what but she’s so silly to me ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[aengelren]

looking back at this now feels so nostalgic, like, tomorrow we’ll get the final Aot additions ever before the chapter officially closes forever and we’ll only have memories to look back at, it was such a special era, one i’m glad i was a part of

Wow, what a character.

This made me realize what a journey this has been.

[raskies456]

really hit tag limit on cat Geiger counter post for the sake of making the one kitty litter radiation cleanup joke

[tamamoland]

i should start treating my acid reflux as chronic pain tbh

[girl-lostconnection]

Thinking thoughts about husband!Simon Riley who’s the biggest fucking gossip there is. He might not talk to anyone but somehow he’s always there when people talk.

Partially because he’s that good at blending in with the shadows and minding his business, partially because until he actually makes a sound no one would notice that he’s somewhere in the corner, sipping his usual cuppa.

And he has no one at work to share the gossip with!😔 Not like he can go and share with his subordinates that he heard the hottest gossip about someone’s divorce. And not like Price himself feels like chatting about someone’s divorce when he has his own happening.

Good thing that he has you! Simon comes home and everything is exactly the way it is, the only difference being him staring at you like you are supposed to do something.

Like you are supposed to ask him.

Takes you a couple questions to fish out what’s going on with him but as soon as you are in? He’s going to spill every detail, he’s gonna walk you through entire dialogue that was happening in the rec room, he’s nodding very enthusiastically when you gush and ask questions and gasp because yeah, that’s him. He brought you the gossip, he made you have fun.

All part of his devious plan, yes, that’s right.

Simon who remembers EVERYTHING that was said, who drops bombs of conclusions he came to himself basing on what he already heard around the base. You practically shaking him by the shoulders because god, the man brings tea that’s PIPING hot.

So I’ll stand by what I said, Simon Riley is one very good gossip king who’s more than happy to have someone to discuss information with because honestly? The gall of some people to discuss certain very private things out in the open???

He’s also the hypervigilant guy, the most attentive one, he picks up on signs and mood shifts so if you get in the cab/car after the gathering you attended together and something was definitely going on there…The only thing you will need to do is say “Am I crazy or…?” and his head snaps to look at you so fast, his vertebrae makes a little snapping sound.

Because yeah, he saw that too. Also, did you see that the husband there was a little too close to his co-worker? The one in the read sweater? The one that has exactly the same bracelet the wife had?

Yeah, love, the one with blue stones. He could bet there is an affair going on and wife found out but actually…what? So wife is having an affair too? You sure, love? She was looking at WHO?

Oh, he’s having so much fun with that. I feel like he has a hobby of people watching so gossiping just makes it even funner. And he enjoys this bonding sessions you two have, splayed together on the couch — you giggling so hard he can feel how he melts.

Yeah, husband Simon is a big gossip guy. And he’s your gossip guy. Which means while you wanna hear all about his day and observations — he will tell you everything.

[lovelyghst]

just imagine ghost getting his Jacob's ladder piercing while he's dating you and after it's healed yall have sex for the first time and it's just like sensory overload

i know absolutely nothing about piercings, but this idea is simply too good to pass up. my brain is melting.

hmmm, thinking about ghost who, despite not being able to properly get off himself, is still so attentive to his sweet girl throughout the whole healing process; offering you his mouth and fingers whenever he notices your focus beginning to drift off and shift elsewhere, having you rub yourself up on his jean-clad thigh when you can’t seem to shake the burst of energy.

because while you never outright asked him for anything of the kind, he just knew.

and even if you were the one so insistent on following the piercer’s advice—taking each and every precaution possible in avoiding the risks that simon shrugged off as ‘not gonna happen.’—you still felt bad. though, he couldn’t resist your stern pouting for long, turning weak the moment you cocked your head and promised him a sweet treat when he’s all healed up.

so, of course, ‘whatever you say, doll.’

anything to put your pretty mind at ease. he is a soldier, after all. he can wait, even if it kills him. it got pretty damn close to it, too.

which is what makes the first time back so fucking good. that reunion, and the return of that glimmering look you get in your eyes every other time he presses his pink lips to your collar and gently hikes you up the mattress after a long time away.

and truthfully, he was done in the moment you tapped him on his shoulder and told him to guess what day it was.

“shit, baby—” he grits out with a heavy breath, eyes trained on your own as he watches you reverently lick up the underside of his cock. your fingers tighten around the base when his abs pull taut, tongue gliding over the cool metal.

taking your time in feeling each and every barbell leading to the tip, making him twitch in your hand at the hot and wet drag over his sensitive skin. a heavy breath seeps from his lungs, his jaw clenching as he fights to hold off. jesus, you’re too good to him.

a sweet fucking treat, indeed.

you giggle before taking the head of him between your swollen, spit-stained lips, reveling in the quick hiss he sucks in through his teeth as you whine at the familiar taste of his pre leaking onto your tongue. your other hand slips up his thigh while you squeeze your own together, your freshly done-up nails leaving little, pink crescent shapes in his thick skin.

“fuck— not gonna last ‘f you keep that up,” he warns, a struggle in and of itself, and it’s an utter miracle he doesn’t collapse to the floor when you only hollow your cheeks and suck in response. he hardly manages to stifle an embarrassingly whorish moan at that.

god, you look so pretty down there, on your knees for him. so fucking debauched, and so, so perfect.

the way your thumb toys with the piercings as you have your own fun, and how you preen in his hold like a sweet cat when he slips a hand to the back of your neck. he’s going to miss it when he forces himself to pull you away, frowning at the pout you give him as he’s lifting you off your feet and carrying you over to your bed.

“’m sorry, sweetheart… just too fuckin’ pretty for yer old man anymore— didn’t want it t’go to waste.”

he kisses your temple, mumbling his apologies in your hair. you hardly even register your bare back making contact with your sheets, so wrapped up in his hold, before he’s kissing his way down your neck.

“wanna fill yer pretty cunt,” he murmurs, and it’s nearly incoherent as his lips press against your racing pulse point. “make ‘er cum ‘round my cock… know y’missed it too, sweet girl. a proper fuck…”

he’s talking more to himself than anything, and a small gasp from you follows soon after when his arm is snaked between your bodies and his fingertips make contact with your swollen, little clit. won’t even stretch you out with his fingers; he’s had his fill of that over the course of the last month. let him feel how much you missed his cock.

“poor thing’s soaked f’me, baby.” he groans as he adjusts on his forearm and regains his bearings, dick twitching against your thigh with every noise squeaked out from your throat. “cunt’s gonna take me just right, lovie… so fuckin’ well…”

he rambles a lot when he’s needy, you’ve come to learn.

you whine when his hand leaves you to take his cock in a fist, your nails digging into his chest and shoulder when he presses the head to your messy pussy. just the tip in and you’re already seeing stars, the shared moan between the two of you raw and pornographic.

he’s gritting out his swears before you try to shush his dirty mouth with a kiss, and he accepts it greedily, almost too eagerly.

your body reacts to his, simultaneously craving more and trying to wiggle away from the overwhelming sensation all at once. your brain is fuzzy by the time he’s nearly bottoming out inside you, ears deaf to the unabashed sounds spilling from your lips as the feeling of his fresh piercings dragging against your every sweet spot burns itself into your memory.

and before you can catch your breath, a thumb is being pressed up against your sensitive bud once again, your legs constricting around him involuntarily as you jolt with a cry. heat prickles at your skin, his teeth at your jaw making your spine tingle.

he’s telling you to cum, begging you to make a mess of his cock.

his hand picks up its pace, hips grinding against yours sloppier than ever as he pleads right up against your temple for you to use him, just finish him off, fucking cum for him.

you squeeze around his cock like a vice and pull him straight under with you, arms locked tight around his neck as your pretty cunt utterly wrecks him. making him throb and twitch, fucking himself dumb through his high and wringing him dry of everything he’s kept pent up for you. at least for now, anyway.

his and your panting rings out in the room as he sits back on his knees, his cock still hard as he gently pulls out of you. watching his pearly cum bead from your slit, your chest gradually slowing down within the time he takes to drool over the sight of you.

it’s not long before simon has you laying on your tummy with your head in the soft sheets, a pillow slipped underneath your hips to prop you up. not making you do an ounce of work as he uses your warm, pliant cunt as his sweet cum dump for hours on end.

fucking you gently, lovingly, all while trying his best to keep his weight off your back. he kisses behind your ear, cooing praises and choked grunts that make your tummy flutter with butterflies. you can only giggle into the pillow nestled in your arms as he makes up for all the lost time.

filling you with load after load, the number becoming lost on your fuzzy mind after a certain amount, until your belly is achingly full and his cock is numb from overstimulation. only to coax you onto your back, easing your limp legs apart to watch his cum leak from your pretty hole. pressing a flat palm to your lower tummy, sighing in time with your strangled noises as your sensitive pussy drips more of his spend. leaning forward and licking it all up like some starved mutt; groaning at the taste, arms tightening around your hips as he eats his mess out of his pretty girl.