#which is just frustrating
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Every time I think I’m okay being single I just get hit with this wave of helplessness and sadness and fear over being this way forever. I get frustrated at myself that I can’t be more like other people and that I feel so isolated as a lesbian
#I don’t really know how to meet people either#I feel like dating apps my only option because of my PTSD but that���s such a small pool of people and lots of them are looking for things I#am not so it’s just this never ending loop of being dissatisfied#I’d say my ptsd is getting a bit worse too#the whole conversion therapy thing with my old psychologist just pushed it all to the front and something happened#recently that’s brought up stuff from when I was I younger and the therapist thing#so I’m just swirling in all these emotions and fears#I feel trapped and like everything is enclosing in on me and I’ll never get out and I’m danger#which is just frustrating
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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make it vicious, take a stab
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#gojo satoru#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jujutsu gojo#jjk gojo#jjk satoru#blood/#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#just in case idk#i believe in night moves fv supremacy#i feel like i say this every time but im dead deceased on the floor in the ground etc etc#maximum effort fr gojo as usual sighhhhhhhhhhhh#3 days on this mf who let me draw another mirror who didnt talk me down#i got so frustrated after i finished his reflection only to realize i had a whole other half gojo to draw#do not look too closely ik its not perfectly mirrored ik ik ik i wanted to die the whole time pls b kind#especially the hair gjhdfkdgk the last mirrored char i drew was megumi and at least with him his hair is dark#with which i can Conceal my mistakes#none of tht here sighs . this freak and his florescent hair#anyway even tho i died and perished and expired etc i am . SO happy w this u have no idea#blood sweat and tears went into this one#and easter eggs! so many easter eggs#pls take it and enjoy im tired of staring at him and his god awful lipstick job . make yourself decent smh
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Some of you people sound exactly like the fundamentalist adults in my life who were dead sure that Obama was going to abolish religious freedom and term limits and turn the US into a single-party state when he got elected in 2008 as opposed to like. being a pretty standard-issue federal politician with policies they didn't like. You know that, right?
#i hate go ''you have become that which you once hated'' but good grief some of you are annoying about it#this isn't about my mutuals for the most part I'm just venting my frustrations into the void
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anyone else losing it kinda
#all of this is postcanon laios is in hakama cuz hes visiting wa . fyi#regarding the first comic idk if laios would say tht im not done yet but at least#as an also autistic person i know that if im called out on behaviors im unaware of i become more conscious of them#even if i can’t correct them completely. or if i just don’t want to#which is what i was trying to convey. laios doesnt want to change his personality but he also doesnt want to overwhelm toshiro#(also autistic. to me. btw)#(which is why i think laios frustrates him so much. perpetual infodump audhd vs heavy mask autism. fight go)#*frustrated…theyre chill now#laishuro#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#falin touden#maizuru#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#myart
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:-0
#i live and i am making bad choices lol#which is to say my committee meeting is tomorrow and i should have spent my weekend reading and not drawing lol#but hey it turns out i can actually still draw. its just what ive been trying to draw for the past few weeks is really hard and frustrating#naruto#uzumaki naruto#umino iruka
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yall ever think Shen Yuan went through like, internet withdrawal after being transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu? Like, he's canonically a NEET shut-in who did nothing but spend his time online, you can't tell me that for the first week or first few weeks of being SQQ he wasn't twitchy.
Like, reaching instinctively to his pockets for a phone that wasn't there, having an obsessive itch in the back of his mind that he should check and see if X or Y novel or webcomic has updated -- only to realize he can't anymore and being irritated by it. Wanting to go and see if there's new posts about this or that, but again realizing that he can't.
When he's bored or uncomfortable or just feels like wanting to escape he tries to go for his phone to distract himself, but oops! Not there anymore, and now he has to find a new and different way to distract himself from his feelings. And going through system notifications, quests, etc only does so much.
And there's that Tetris Effect too. SQQ makes a mistake while writing and instinctively goes to backspace on it except hey-ho that's not a keyboard and now he just dipped his pinkie into a bottle of ink or on a still-drying letter.
With him scrambling to fix his reputation and learn how to be a peak lord, I think his abrupt cold-turkey from all things internet would just be another straw on the camel's back that he promptly Ignores until it goes away on its own after he acclimates to his new surroundings.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#i think him learning how to be a peak lord and cultivation and everything else would help distract him from the internet withdrawal for the#most part. but the moment there's a lull in the day and his mind wanders or he becomes bored or stressed and he instinctively reaches back#for his phone and realizes it isn't there it just sends a spike of panic/frustration/irritation through him because its a familiar comfort#and now its gone. like this is all based off my own experiences from being Chronically Online but i just think its neat to think about#in that same vein i think it also pushes him into getting into the arts on QJP. Like as the peak lord naturally he would be doing this kind#of stuff but hes NOT the peak lord but to keep up appearances he has to know how to do this stuff. and finds it??? actually quite rewarding#even more than getting into an argument online or getting a new merch item. he's making or doing this stuff. he starts drawing and finishes#a piece and regardless of its skill level he feels something unclog in his chest. like sediment being scraped off the bottom of a creek and#being washed downstream. a weight that's been slogging through his veins suddenly untangled. physical proof of his efforts that feels great#starry is incapable of NOT giving her favorite blorbos more hobbies. starry is incapable of not giving her favorites artsy hobbies#this is probably NOT a new or original thought whatsoever but im throwing it out there anyways bc it fascinates me. i love transmigration#and albeit i've only read isekai manhwa/manhua there's a common theme of the people there assimilating into their new lives relatively quic#which i know is for ease of transition and getting to the rest of the story. but WHAT IF.#i have still not read svsss yet and idk when i'll be able to BUT have some thoughts anyways
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carmy needs to get his shit wrecked properly this season. you don’t get to project ur weird perfection complex onto ur business partners & coworkers and then go “isn’t this what you wanted?” like ok 🤨 get fridged again idiot
#you die young or live long enough to see yourself become your old boss from that NY restaurant#the bear#ely.txt#I am a hater. but also a lover. I don’t hate carmy he’s just soooo frustrating to watch (<- which i ENJOY.)
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novice dunmeshi fans in the tags of my posts tryna say chilchucks daughters aren’t adults….. heh. 😏 this may blow some peoples minds but I would like to remind everyone that half foots have shorter lifespans and reach adulthood by 14 according to the sacred texts 👇
chilchuck describes them as fully independent when he corrects marcille, who assumes he’s left his wife alone with a young child. The family dynamic is nicely summarized here 👇
and of course my most compelling evidence is the time when chilchucks three adult daughters describe themselves as his three adult daughters:
how could a guy who isn’t even 29 yet have three adult daughters, some have asked? Look no further. I have your answers here:
a bit young even for his own race but unfortunately for some of you guys the facts speak for themselves 😔
now don’t ever correct me again
#dungeon meshi#chilchuk tims#I’m joking you guys before you get defensive I want to assure you the tone of this post is ‘JOKE’#but also don’t you dare ever try to contradict my knowledge on my hyperfixations again#lest i invoke my autistic wrath#which is really just me sitting in my bed with a frustrated little frowny face like this >:(#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi
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hi sorry im back. on a lighter note i do read every single tag and comment left on my posts. every single one. and i really do appreciate and even thrive off that attention. making art is hard especially when i'm also actively working on thesis and other things that I can't immediately share but I do really appreciate everyone who takes the time to be kind or at the very least normal about the things i post. ily goodnight
#it's not like horrifically disheartening anymore either because i get weird comments like. basically daily#but sometimes someone does something so specifically frustrating in a brand new and uniquely weird way and i just. like. why#what world do you live in where this is a normal thing to do#anyways. i <3 my followers who are normal which IS the large majority of you lmao <3 <3 <3
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Idk who needs to hear this but time and time again isn't over!!!
Webtoon removed the "time and time again will return!!!" Banner and I don't know why, but it's not over!!! There's still another 1/3 of the comic to go! There's a lot more stuff that I'm working on and it'll be coming back soon!
Please be patient with me, I know it's been a long time... But the stuff I'm making is really good and there's a lot of reasons it's taken this long. I promise I want it back more than anyone.
I'm trying to come back around the end of October. I'm doing my best to get everything ready in time, so no promises, but I'm on track to do so! I'm just one person writing and drawing everything, and my editor was fired so I'm not even getting any notes anymore. It's literally just me. I'm doing my best I promise!
#im so frustrated that banner has been gone#and people think the comic is over because of that#which is reasonable to think#but it... idk#its already an uphill battle to try snd retain audience after a hiatus this long#let alone when webtoon is actively building thr expectation that theres no need to come back...#im so frustrated#every day there is something new with them its so exhausting#this isnt even the thing I've been majorly stressed about this is a fresh new frustration#i feel like they're not just being unhelpful#at this point i feel like theyre actively sabotaging my career.#im not allowed to promote my books#i can't make my links too big so no one can find me#people dont even know i have a patreon#i can't make any announcements on the comic#and now people think th whole thing is over and it isnt!#im so ;_;#im so frustrated and demoralized#and people complete reasonably are losing patience and interest#and. ah... it's fine. like genuinely it is fine.#it will come back soon and i am doing a good job#and everyone who sees it's back will be happy with what ive done#cause it's good. its really good...#but. yeah. idk. webtoon has been actively keeping me down since the beginning and im so over them#I've been so mistreated aysudjejjdjdjdj#i just want to finish the series and go ;_;#taking all my power to not **** ******#just gotta power through and get the fuck out#text post#update
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F I S S I O N - Why the hell do you hurt yourself for this?
#wake up babe new tenvishund art just dropped#very very rusty but inspired by a recent album and general life experiences/interraction#im coming to the end of my degree and trying to find A Real Proper Grown Up Job#and the industry I am in can be really sneaky - you think you've found something good but if you speak to the right people#then the truth comes out#which is frustrating#but here i am alive and well and probably doing better than i ever have been before#even if sometimes i do want to tear my guts out and die like a dog#such is life i guess all about balance#i also wanted to colour the guts red but i cant work this new fancy gimp system so i gave up#enjoy!! thank you for viewing!
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Have some Ted doodles- as a treat.
#was counting up all the times I’ve drawn my little guys and Ted is now at around 71#highest of the hatchetfield characters for sure#he’s just fun to draw#I get it Tinky#I understand your obsession#did these while listening to exam review#rip long hair Ted#never gonna stop thinking of you#yall ive got so many WIPs it’s crazy#after exams are over I’m not going to stop drawing#anyways how’re you#hope you’re doing well#all good things i hope#I don’t feel like going and grabbing my fact book so today you get one off the top of my head#fun fact: contrary to popular belief- tomatoes are not fruits; they are a category of vegetable called fruit vegetable#there is a heart scene in Stardew Valley with Demetrius and Robin in which Demetrius asks you if a tomato is a fruit or vegetable and#if you say vegetable he gets all huffy#this frustrates me because he says ‘oh you are a farmer you should know’ and DUDE I DO KNOW#ITS YOU WHO DOESNT KNOW#Anyways yeah#this has been the fun fact corner ft. me ranting about tomatoes#ted spankoffski#tinky npmd#tinky#tnoy karaxis#theodore spankoffski#tgwdlm#hatchetfield#Starkid#Joey richter
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They should invent an economic system where I don't have to choose between having enough income to live off of and being able to feel joy
#I'm NOT looking forward to having to look for a new job#and even less to having to work said job#I feel like I'll have to go through a shit ton of therapy just to make it possible for me to keep a job and not lose the will to live#which is frustrating. because I now know what I feel like when I don't have to work#but I know this will only last as long as my bank account does...#cw negative#anti work#anti capitalist musings#burnout#autism#actually autistic#adhd
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Leo has a lot of love for his comics, constantly rereading them (mainly for the art) and overall having a lot of sentimental value for them, especially because reading them is something he likes to do when he’s just existing in a space with his family.
And then the Shredder happens. And then the invasion happens. And then life in general happens. And, suddenly, most of Leo’s comics are either too damaged to fix or gone entirely.
But it’s fine! He’s growing up, so he doesn’t need them anymore. So what if it’s one more bit of childhood lost? It’s fine - it’s fine.
Enter Mikey.
Mikey, who is so, so empathetic and cares so, so much about his family - he notices, and he decides to do something about it.
Unfortunately, most of the comics are vintage, and completely unavailable in any form but digital.
Good thing Mikey is an artist.
So over the course of a month, Mikey secretly takes the time to painstakingly recreate Leo’s favorite Jupiter Jim volume. It’s hard, matching a style like that with only grainy online scans to go off of, but he manages.
He gives it to Leo on a mundane day, out of the blue, with a sunshine smile on his face.
Now- Mikey does all this secretly.
But Leo is very, very perceptive, especially in regard to his brothers hiding things from him. So of course he finds the unfinished work in progress comic about three days in.
He does NOT cry. He doesn’t.
Just as he doesn’t cry when Mikey presents him with the finished thing, nope, not a tear in sight.
His eyes are just wetter than normal as he gives Mikey the absolute biggest hug he could possibly give.
(And if Mikey finds the fridge and pantry always stacked with special ingredients only found in specific parts of the world whenever he so much as mentions wanting to try them, that’s neither here nor there.)
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt mikey#rise leo#rise mikey#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#Leo portaling to another country and spending hours desperately trying to figure out which of the beans he found was the one Mikey mentioned#mikey spending hours on one panel on the days his arms are acting up#and he gets so frustrated because he HAS to make it perfect for Leo#and Leo just so happens to text him hey let’s go skateboarding!#(totally not because Leo noticed and decided to make Mikey take a break)#listen I love this duo sm they’re just so good#they mean so much to me sobs
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Me: "Can I please use all this energy to draw on an actual project"
My brain: "You will draw the same character over and over and you will like it."
Me: "Okay."
#rayman#artists on tumblr#these were made over the course of like two months or so#you can see that i was messing with his design a bit#kind of adjusting the way i drew him as i went along#uhhh anyways yeah i just think he's neat#he's fun to draw#its because he doesn't have limbs#drawing limbs is my least favorite part of drawing any humanoid character#so him not having any takes away a lot of the frustration i often have in drawing certain dynamic poses#he's also very cartoony which is up my alley. very expressive and fun#he has helped me push drawing exaggerated expressions more#he has good shapes!! its good character design!!!#and drawing him is comforting#i'll draw something else eventually but for now i'm just having fun#i have no idea how i'm going to format this post on twitter without it getting cropped to hell#i will worry about that later
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