#which is funny because that’s exactly what i’d thought at 14 but somehow i’m still here 6 years later

[castlescrumblingdvwn]

// rant

it kinda did tho :D

[coepiteamare]

you have (1) new voicemail

pairing: jimin x reader (though what their relationship is is unclear) genre: mystery, angst (? as always), fluff (like a wee bit), epistolary fic! warning: mentions of a ballet accident (nothing detailed, just that something happened), jimin is missing, implied!depression beta reader: hana! @cutechim​ this story would not have happened without you and i absolutely adore you. also thank you to noor @papillonsgf​ because you were the first person i talked to about this story and uhhhhh well let’s just say this story may be different than what you were expecting word count: 4.9k (this used to be drabble series lmao)

things you said series: things you said through the phone summary: “Hi, Jimin. It’s me.” (alt. you leave voicemails for jimin when taehyung asks you if you’ve heard from him recently.)

A/N: this is all dialogue, which is ironic—to say the least—because i find dialogue painfully difficult to write (it doesn’t come naturally to me, it conflicts with my writing style, and it’s just difficult to write it in a way that feels real.) nonetheless, i hope it comes across the way i wanted it to, and i hope it makes you feel something. 

December 5th at 14:30

Hi, Jimin. It’s me. 

I know we haven’t talked in a while, but-uhm-I saw Taehyung a couple days ago? I happened to be near where that cafe is—what’s it called—Moodspresso! Do you remember it? We wanted to go when it was new, back when you were taking that coffee-making class with Yoongi. You were such a dork: you wanted to go all around the city to judge cafes by their espressos, even though you weren’t a fan of the bitterness.  

We never did get around to trying it together: I think we tried to make plans, but it was out of the way of where we were, and then life happened, and then, well...it happened. 

When I saw it, it felt strange, as if a fragment of my past found its way into my present? It was kind of funny how I went in there thinking about you, only to see Taehyung. Weirdly fitting, considering how the two of you were always together, joined at the hip in college.

Anyway, he asked me if I had heard from you recently? Told me you haven’t texted him in a while, that you weren’t answering your phone, so I just wanted to check in! You know, say hi! I—uhm—tried to text you, but it wouldn’t deliver, so I figured I would just leave a voice message. I hope that’s okay. I hope you’re doing okay. If you hear this, you should probably text Taehyung; it seems like he’s worried. Said you usually respond within the day, but you haven’t been lately.

I-uhm-hope you’re doing okay. Text me back and let me know? 

Bye, Jimin.

*beep*

December 12th at 15:21

Uh, hey Jimin. I didn’t hear from you, so I thought I would check back in.

I saw on facebook that Jeongguk’s dating. Isn’t that strange? I mean, it’s not strange that he’s dating; it’s just strange that it’s Jeongguk who’s dating. You know, our Jeonggukkie, the one who could barely talk to his crushes without getting tongue tied. 

It seems like not too long ago he was the scrawny high schooler stressing about college applications, but he’s dating now. We used to help him with his personal statements and here he is. Dating. That’s just—wow. Time flies, I guess. 

I don’t know if you’ve kept in touch with him lately, so i just wanted to let you know. You know, in case you didn’t see it. 

I-

This is so stupid; I’m so sorry. 

Uhm, let me know if you get this?

Bye, Jimin.

*beep*

December 14th at 19:42

I went to the bookstore today and I saw that your favourite manga released its final volume. That’s so...wild. 

I remember you were reading it when I first met you in high school and to think that it’s over? That’s like Supernatural coming to an end, you know? Something that has gone on for so long that it feels weird that it’s ending. That it’s no longer a part of our lives that grows with us. It’s something that has an ending. 

Speaking of endings, I don’t know if you’ve seen the ending of Supernatural, but don’t do it. It just-wow. 

Anyways, I haven’t kept up with the manga, but when I saw that they released the final volume, I felt the need to buy it? I went in to buy something else and came out with all of the volumes that I hadn’t read. 

I could have just read them online, I know, but I figured, if I see you again, I'd give you the final volume? Unless you already have it. Then I’d just keep it, but...you know. I just-

It made me think of you. How you transferred in late in the school year with crutches, and even though you were new, you weren’t paying attention in math class. I remember my first impression of you being “he must not care about school.” I think I later learned you had just started reading the manga a couple days ago and wanted to catch up because you couldn’t think about anything else.  

It didn’t even matter that you didn’t pay attention that week or that you came in mid-school semester because you aced every class. I thought it was because you were smart without trying, which irked me because I always felt like I was trying and not accomplishing—though I suppose that still applies now—but I later learned how much effort you put in. You always tried so hard that you made things seem easy. School work. Your happiness. Your feelings to a certain extent. 

I just-

I wish-

Nevermind.

I hope you’re doing okay.

*beep*

December 17th at 13:21.

Hey, Jimin.

I tried to make pasta today, and I don’t know how, but I managed to get the sauce everywhere. Everywhere but in the pan. So now, my kitchen looks like a bloody crime scene with red everywhere. I don’t even know how I’m going to clean all of this up, but I should do it before it dries, right?

  I should, but I’ve just been sitting on the floor looking at it for the past few minutes.

  Do you remember when we made pasta for our fakesgiving potluck at your place, and I got sauce all over your shirt?

 I was wearing your white shirt—why I thought wearing a white shirt while making red sauce was a good idea, I don’t know—and I was trying to get the jar to open, but it wouldn’t work. I don’t think i’ve ever told you about this, but I remember that day was particularly awful for me. Just one unlucky event after another—I don’t quite remember what exactly they were, just that they were enough to make me feel like I wasn’t enough—and even though I was so excited for the fakesgiving potluck the night prior, even though I loved our friends, I just wanted to be alone. To not do anything and settle under the covers. Pretend everything could be forgotten if I just went to sleep.

But I saw you, and you were so excited. I didn’t have the heart to tell you I didn't want to go, so I sucked it up and helped you prep. I tried to pretend that everything was okay, but when that stupid jar wouldn’t open, I took my frustration out on it. You tried to take it from me, but I pushed you away, told you I could do it. 

And I did, only I also managed to spill the jar on your white shirt as I watched the jar fall to the ground and shatter. That spill was the tipping point, not because I spilled the only jar of tomato sauce in your apartment, but because I spilled it all over your new, brand name, white shirt.

I remember berating you for spending so much money on a shirt when you bought it—for fuck’s sake, it was a plain white shirt—but I know how much you adored it. I didn’t need to look at your face to know that I had fucked up, that I should have just let you open the jar instead of being stubborn. I started to cry, in anticipation of your anger, but you just held me instead, got pasta sauce on your shirt too as you let me cry on your shoulder, whispering “There, there. It’s okay. We can just make something else!”

You never even mentioned the white shirt, told me not to worry about it when I apologised, that it was the least of your concerns. That you could get another shirt.

Looking at my kitchen reminded me of that. So, I figured I’d give you another call, but it went straight to voicemail again.

I hope you’re doing okay.

I don’t know if you want to talk to me, but I’m just worried.

Call me if you get this? 

Or just send me a text.

Bye, Jimin.

*beep*

December 19th at 21:45.

Hey. There’s a full moon today. And I thought about you. 

I—uhm—think about you from time to time when the moon is bright. I don’t know why—it probably sounds stupid—but I have a lot of memories of you and the moon? Like that time we went to visit Jeongguk by the sea during winter break because all of us didn’t want to go home but didn’t want to be alone. So we made a road trip of it—well, it was kind of a road trip—and drove to San Diego to see him.

When we got to the sea, it was dark and so cold out, and the wind was fucking freezing, but we rolled up our pants and started walking along the shore, dipping our toes in the water and screaming about the temperature. Our teeth were chattering and the water was so so cold, but we did it anyways. 

It was a nice beach, from what I remember. One of the nicest I’ve ever seen. 

I stuck my hand into your jacket pocket and told you my hand warmer was dying, but to be honest, I just wanted to hold your hand. I think you knew, or maybe we had known each other for so long that you knew what I needed without having to express it in words, so you took my hand and held it tight. And even though the water was freezing and the wind was cold, in that moment, I felt so warm. 

I think you and I have always communicated well, like how I saw the way your eyes glinted in the moonlight and, somehow, knew what you wanted to do. Sneaked up behind him and pushed Jeongguk into the ocean together and laughed as he shrieked. 

It was fun, that day. I-

I miss those days sometimes. The earlier days. When there was less to worry about. 

When you were happier. 

Anyway, the moon is really bright today. The radio called it a supermoon, or something like that. I took a picture and tried to send it to you, but your phone still won’t let me send you messages. So if you hear this, just, go outside and take a look at the night sky. 

Call me back? Or send me a text. 

I just want to know you’re okay. 

Bye Jimin.

*beep*

December 21st at 16:28

I went to see The Nutcracker today. It felt like I haven’t seen a ballet in forever. It’s been—what—one year since I saw one? Which, I guess, in the grand scheme of things hasn’t been that long. But you were the one who would take me and I haven’t seen one since...yeah. I know it’s your favourite ballet. Or was. I’m not sure if it’s changed, haha.  

The American Ballet Theatre was putting on a performance, and there were still nosebleed seats available, so I bought one. It kind of felt like fate, like it was a sign that I was meant to be there, because I remember we used to get our tickets months in advance. 

I remembered some of the terms? I recognised the pa-pas de deux—god, my high school french is so fucking rusty—between the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Prince. I know that part is your favourite, but I still think ���Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” is mine. All those turns? I don’t remember the technicalities, but I know it requires a lot of skill to pull off while looking graceful. I still find it strange that the Sugar Plum Fairy is the prima ballerina though, considering she barely appears. 

I-uhm-kind of was hoping to see you. 

I know you don’t dance anymore, but—maybe it was just my stupid desire but—I was hoping that you would be dancing with the company. That perhaps you were dancing again and that was why you weren’t answering any of the calls. I kept looking at everyone, trying to see if it was you. I even paid extra attention to the curtain call and looked at every single person, kept trying to find your physique in the line. But you weren’t there.

You weren’t in the audience either. I stayed in my seat until the very end, until after the end, and scanned the crowd for anyone who was lingering and soaking in the energy, like you would do every time we went to see a ballet together. But there wasn’t. It was just me. 

I stayed in my seat anyways, until the ushers told me I had to leave. Because that’s what you would have done. 

I guess I was hoping you would show up. That trying to do what you would do would somehow unlock your presence. Or give me some kind of clue.

But it didn’t. 

Where are you?

*beep*

December 23rd at 17:19.

I saw Taehyung again today. 

He wanted to know if I'd heard from you. I don’t know why he thought you would contact me. I mean, I know I call you and leave you these messages, but you know. I haven’t talked to you since...since, yeah. 

He looked awful, like he’s running himself thin. I don’t know if he’s been sleeping well, Jimin. The two of you have been friends forever, and I don't know if you’d recognise him. He seems so tired, and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. 

He thought it was going to be like last time. That you would show up soon. But you haven’t yet, and it’s been so long, Jimin. 

He called the hospital and they told him you quit a few weeks back, which I don’t understand. I thought you needed residency to get your physiotherapy license. Tae doesn’t get it either. 

He’s been going to your apartment, trying to see if anyone is in there. But there hasn’t been. He’s contacted your apartment manager several times, telling them he’s worried about you, but they won’t let him have the keys. Safety reasons. It’s understandable and frustrating all at once because he—we just want to make sure you’re okay. 

He said he used to have a key to your apartment. Said you gave him your spare, but you took it back? Something about you needing your spare because you locked yourself out. He said that was the last time he saw you.  

I’m not trying to jump to conclusions, but you’re okay right? I know this time of year is when—uhm, the accident happened and you-uh-left the Royal Ballet School. I know this isn’t your favourite time of year, but if you need to talk, I’m here. 

He’s worried, Jimin. We all are. 

Call me back? Or call Tae? We’re just worried and Tae wants to file for a missing person’s report. So just, let us know you’re okay. 

Call me soon, yeah?

*beep*

December 27th at 22:48.

I saw Yoongi today. 

I don’t think he likes me very much, but then again, I wouldn’t like my cousin’s ex either, so I can’t really blame him. He was still as civil as ever. Very polite. He and Seokjin are still dating, but I’m sure you knew that.

Tae had contacted Yoongi a couple days ago? Asking about you. So we all met up in person today. 

I forgot how much food Seokjin makes when he’s stressed. Do you remember when he was waiting to hear back from his job, and Yoongi invited us over for dinner? We were excited because we were college students and living off of the shitty cafeteria food and, also, because it was Seokjin’s food. You thought it was because they wanted to feed us—Seokjin always wanted to feed you—but when we went over, it was obvious they just needed help getting rid of the food. There was so much food. To this day, I don’t think I've ever seen so much food in one place, even during our potlucks, and Seokjin always brought a lot of food to our potlucks. 

I remember stepping in to their apartment, and the heat radiating from the kitchen was too much to bear. The walls were sweating because he had been cooking for seven hours, trying to displace his anxiety into food. We came back to the dorms with tupperwares full of food. I didn’t have to visit the cafeteria for a week. 

God, I’ll never forget the first time we met Seokjin, and he made us fried rice: you couldn’t stuff your face fast enough and choked because it went down the wrong pipe, coughed out fried rice all over their brand new dining table and all over Yoongi. Seokjin and I laughed so hard. I was trying to be polite, kept looking at Yoongi's face and tried to swallow my giggles, but Seokjin's laughter was so boisterous and lively that I couldn't not laugh. 

You laughed too, kept choking on your laughter in between your apologies, and Yoongi just kept glowering at you. But it was full of affection. He didn’t say anything. Just looked at you and back at the table and huffed, but it would have been obvious to anyone that he wasn’t really annoyed with you. 

He went back to our hometown a couple days ago, tried to see if you were there. But you weren’t. 

He went to see your parents, but they still think you’re living here too. Yoongi said he went to all the places you used to go to, like your old ballet school and that comic book store you used to go to after school. I even asked him to visit the arcade. You know, where we first met outside of school? Where we would hang out after school with Jeongguk and spend too much money on House of the Dead. Where we had our first date. 

But nothing. 

There are traces of you everywhere, but you? You’re not anywhere. 

Where’d you go, Jimin?

*beep*

December 28th at 2:19

Fuck you.

You don’t get to do this to me. I spent so long trying to forget and trying to move on and you come back in, except—do you know what the most fucked up part of this is? It’s that you’re not even here. You’re not here, and somehow you’re everywhere. No matter what I do, all I can do is think about you because no one knows where you are. Everyone is worried because you’re missing and I-I don’t know what to do. 

I thought this was over a year ago.

So why, why are you back in my life? Why are you reawakening the things I've tried so hard to bury?

Fuck you.

*beep*

-- 

December 28th at 2:23

Hey Jimin. Just ignore that previous voicemail. I’m just--I’m just frustrated. Worried. Everyone is. 

Just call me back if you get this? 

*beep*

--

December 28th at 2:25

You don’t even need to call. Just give me a sign? Let me know you’re okay. Please.

I just want to know you’re safe. 

*beep*

December 30th at 1:13

Jeongguk flew in from New York today. Tae called him yesterday, and he took the first flight here. 

I realised I’ve never seen Jeongguk mad. 

I guess I’ve kind of seen him grow up, but I’ve never seen Jeongguk angry until today. I mean, I've seen him upset and angry, but I’ve never seen him mad. Like mad mad.  I’ve never been on the receiving end of it because he’s always had his emotions in check when it comes to the negative ones. We’ve seen him sad, but you know how he is. He seems like he doesn’t care, but he cares so much when it comes to the people he loves. He’s always trying to only share the good things because he doesn’t want to bring everyone down. And even when he’s upset with us, he tries to communicate. He’s always been emotionally mature in that sense. 

A lot like you. I think he gets that from you. You are his brother after all. 

But when we told him none of us had heard from you? That you were missing?

I realised we’ve ever really seen Jeongguk angry. 

I’ve never seen Tae look so despondent or Yoongi so guilty than when we saw Jeongguk at the airport. They didn’t want to worry him because he had just moved for his new job—I’m sure you know about that—and he’s been so stressed out that they didn’t want to add more on to his plate. 

They thought you would show up by now, that you would come back. Because you always do. Or did. You used to.

 I remember the first time you disappeared. It was a year after you came back, the anniversary of the...the accident. You were a little distant a couple days prior, but still you. Still vibrant and happy and beau-I mean, bright. And then on the day of, you were just gone. Didn’t show up to school. Weren’t at the arcade. Weren’t at your apartment. Just gone. Vanished into thin air. 

I remember asking Jeongguk if you were sick, but he had no idea what I was talking about, and when we couldn’t get a hold of you, he burst into tears. I held him as he told me about your fight last night, how you got your xbox taken away because the two of you didn’t know how to share. He thought you had left because you didn’t love him, because he was your step brother and not your real brother. 

And as we were panicking about what to do, if we should tell your parents when they came back from work, you stepped through the front door with sand in your hair and your backpack over your shoulder, smiling as if you hadn’t been missing for half the day. As if your phone wasn’t turned off all day. 

I remember feeling relieved and exhausted all at once, as if someone had drained all the worry and energy out of me. I remember Jeongguk crying as he ran to hug you. I remember you crying and promising not to go anywhere without telling him again.

And you didn’t. Sometimes you would disappear when something hit too close or when you felt like everything was too much, but we could always turn to Jeongguk for a breadcrumb, for the small hint that you were okay. 

But you didn’t leave him a hint this time. When we called him, let him know you were missing, asked him if he knew anything about your whereabouts, he didn’t say anything. He went so quiet, we thought the line went dead, until he actually did hang up. He sent us a text message a few minutes later, letting us know he’ll be arriving on the next flight there.  

Jeongguk-he’s so cold when he’s angry. He’s so quiet. But that quiet is so loud. It speaks volumes. 

I’ve seen Jeongguk loud with laughter and quiet in contemplation. But this? This was something different. 

I guess the two of you are alike in that sense too. Both of your silences are never just quiet. 

*beep*

December 30th at 15:37

So we-uhm-broke into your apartment. 

Or well, Jeongguk did. But I guess all of us are accomplices because we kind of-well, we stood there as he did it. I don’t know why Jeongguk even knows how to pick locks, but I didn’t really have the chance to ask. 

Your apartment looks normal. Still spotless. It looks like you. Like how it used to. Or how it used to before we lived together, at least. 

I’m not going to lie, I-I’m a little surprised you didn’t move out. I couldn’t even go to the places we used to go to after you told me you wanted to break up. 

I guess it didn’t bother you as much. 

We scoured your apartment for clues as to where you could have gone, which may sound very Paper Towns of us, but—I don’t know—we were just looking for any sign as to where you might be. If you were okay. There weren’t any notes or anything that could give us a hint though, and Tae said it doesn’t look any different than when he last visited. 

Jeongguk also called your credit card company to see what your last purchases were. To see if it would give us any clues. But you haven’t used it since you left. Everything is just blank. 

Blank. Like you don’t want to be found. 

Jeongguk is still upset that none of us told him—I can’t blame him for that—but I think he’s mostly upset at himself that he didn’t know. That you two stopped talking for a bit, and he didn’t notice anything was wrong. 

I think he feels like he’s been drifting away from you too, ever since his job got busy and he moved for work. Or maybe it’s before that. I think he’s always felt like you don’t tell him everything, even though he pours everything out to you, looks up to you. I know you’d give him the world, Jimin, but Jeongguk would give up everything for you if you ask. 

But you don’t ask. You never do. You don’t let people in when you’re hurting. Maybe it’s the ballet training instilled in you to smile through the pain. Cover up the flaws. Put on a performance all the time. You pretend it doesn’t exist and push people out.  

No, you just disappear instead. 

*beep*

December 30th at 21:02

Tae and I are staying over at your apartment. I hope you don’t mind. We just decided we would rather not risk having anyone in your apartment see us try and break down your door and call the police on us, haha. It makes it easier if we’re in your apartment so we can open the door in case we need anything. Or find something that we missed.  

It’s-uhm. It’s weird being here. Feels like I've been displaced from the present and back into the past, only you’re not here. 

I noticed you took down all the photos of London.You used to have that big photograph wall next to your bed, filled with pictures from when you lived there, from when you used to dance. But all your ballet photos are gone too. Tae told me you took them down a while ago, a little after the break up. Said you stopped dancing for fun too, after a while. 

I just-

I hope-

Ah, fuck it. Nevermind. 

It’s so weird to be back here. 

*beep*

December 30th at 22:14

I found my sweater under your pillow. The white one with the moon on it?

I thought I had lost it after we broke up. I wanted to ask you if you had it, if i forgot to take it with me when I moved out, but by then we had already been one month in and- 

And it hurt. To think about you. Even though that was all I was doing. 

It kind of felt like it does right now. How you permeate my every thought and every moment, even though you weren’t there. The quiet was-is-so loud with your absence. 

It smells like you. The sweater. 

I just-

I don’t know what that means.

I don’t know what any of this means. 

I just don’t understand why my sweater would be under your pillow because it was you. You’re the one who told me you wanted to break up. 

You told me you didn’t want to do this anymore, didn’t have the energy to try. You were so sad, and I wanted to argue, wanted to beg you to let me stay until you were better, but you were so sad. So sad and exhausted and defeated and certain in your decision that I knew there was no use fighting it. 

How could I hold on to someone who’s not there anymore, right?

I’ve been telling myself that we can’t understand break ups or feelings. There’s no understanding them. We feel what we feel and sometimes there are no explanations for it. So I knew. I got it. I understood there was no point in asking to stay, but I regretted not asking you for a reason. 

I still do. 

I didn’t have the chance to ask you why because I was too busy staggering from the weight of I don't love you anymore.  Too busy struggling to piece together what those words mean. 

Love is a two way street; it goes both ways. But you made the decision, and all of a sudden, that two way street morphed into a dead end, and I had no choice but to walk away from it, back out the way I came from. 

I wish I could say that I didn’t see it coming. That it came out of left field, out of the blue. But I can’t because I had been bracing myself for the impact for weeks. For months. 

Would it have changed things if I hadn’t known? Would it have hurt less? 

I don’t know. 

I don’t know. But I wish I did.

I wish I knew, Jimin.

*beep*

Message deleted. You have no new voicemails. Main menu.

A/N: come talk to me! let me know your thoughts! once again, thank you to hana and noor. this story wouldn’t exist without the two of you. 

[black-rose-writings]

Reading Siege and Storm because I hate myself

To begin, I’d like to state that this is my first read-through and I only have vague idea of the plot I’ve gathered from fanfics and tumblr posts.

Long post ahead

Chapter 1

So... at first I was like - huh, this isn’t as bad as I thought, but the moment Alina gets introspective, it all goes to hell.

Like, she’s being physically made sick by not using her powers, which is making her feel useless - like, she says, pretty much verbatim: “The only thing I was ever good at was being a Sun Summoner and I’m not that anymore.”

I’m gonna beat those paragraphs over the head of anyone, who says Alina got a good ending.

I’ve also noticed just how often the like “I pushed that thought away” is used and more often than not, it’s used on thoughts that should probably not be pushed away.

Ah, yes, here he comes, my boy Darkles, being the dramatic bitch he always is. We get it, you’re the hot villain, tempting the good and pure heroine away from being good and pure.

And I’m just now realizing how many times in this chapter has Alina lamented their lack of privacy. We have to ensure the reader doesn’t hink she’s *gasp* sleeping with Mal.

Chapter 2

What?

Alina is tripping balls while being put under by a Heartrender, got it.

Darkling is being the voice of reason, but I’m getting the distinct feeling it won’t last.

Ivan gets one point, because Alina is in fact a traitor, but he’s also being a cunt, so it doesn’t really count.

Alina at Sturmhond: Do you even care about Ravka?

Me at Alina: Do you?

Chapter 3

“Mermaids are not real”. I’m pretty sure they are in the Grishaverse.

My boy Darkles is still making sense, but Alina is dedicated to being against him just for the hell of it, it seems.

Did this bitch just throw a tantrum, because he told her, what we can assume is the truth? Okay. Like, I get that she’s at best 18, but still. Not exactly the type of protagonist whose head I like being in.

And in that moment, dozens of smut fics were born.

Chapter 4

Wow, that was quick.

Aaand. What had just happened?

Chapter 5

Sturmhond is a funny bitch, I’ll give him that.

And this entire conversation, it seems like Mal’s entire purpose is to stand behind Alina threateningly and repeat what she said, lol.

I’d like to remind Alina (and LB) that a king in an absolutist monarchy (which is what Ravka appears to be) is very much a tyrant. Don’t make it sound like Ravka didn’t have a tyrant before. And at the very least, my boy Darkles seems pretty competent.

A man calling himself a Storm Dog likes dogs. No shit.

Chapter 6

I hate Mal. Dude, this is your girlfriend, maybe like... listen to her? Don’t bludgeon her with the one other guy she was kinda-sorta with, when you are a well known manwhore?

I don’t know man, I don’t like him.

Everyone: You can’t have more than one amplifier, it’s dangerous.

Alina: Haha, sparkles go brrrr

Chapter 7

In other news, pirates are funny.

Holy shit, they have a plane.

That was... a lot. And we’re crossing the Fold again, yay.

Chapter 8

You feel bad for the Volcra but not for the people you’ve left for dead in the Fold last time? Okay.

Baby Volcra. Am I supposed to say “ew” or “aww”? If I tried doing both at the same time, it would probably sound like one.

Jesus fucking Christ this book is a ride.

Did Alina really just have an “oh no, he’s hot?” moment? *sighs*

Puppy boy has a title longer than Daenerys, jesus.

Alina, my dear, you could have waited for a bit before doing that. There’s like thirty soldier with guns around you and you’ve just punched a prince.

Then again, you’ve never been smart, have you?

Chapter 9

For once, I completely agree with him. I know you two have lost your one shared braincell on that first crossing of the Fold but still, that was very dumb of you, Alina.

I’m starting to get why people were calling Nikolai “Darkling light”. Definitelly seems appropriate.

Mal, calm the fuck down, that was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard and you know it.

You two didn’t even let Alina get a word in for the last page. What right do you have to her, Mal, huh? Nikolai is making sense and you’re being an idiot.

What’s your deal Mal? What the fuck do you want?

And why in the hell are you the endgame love interest?

That’s an awful lot of guilt-tripping you’re doing there, Mal. No need to be pissy about it.

Chapter 10

The bones thing is definitelly yikes.

Saints, Mal, are you on your period or something? Alina doesn’t belong to you. Alina can make her own choices. Get a grip.

“You think I’m like the Darkling?” Yes. The Darkling isn’t all bad. You’re at war. No need to get your panties in a twist over a few fingers.

Oh, look, Alina has a cult now, nice.

Chapter 11

Your “dad” is a rapist, Nikolai. Quite possibly a pedo. He got exactly what he deserved.

I’d go for the second option. Especially after that stunt. Jesus, you could have asked her beforehand.

At least Darkles had the decency to make out with her in private.

Also like... why is every single person in this series so far an asshole?

Chapter 12

We meet the King again, unfortunately.

Alina gets Darkles’s old job.

This should be a total disaster, but let’s see where it goes anyway.

Chapter 13

Alina’s nuts, yay.

(I know they have a Force-bond-thingy. I also know they did it before Reylo did.)

Chapter 14

Oh boy, Alina’s not doing as bad as I thought.

For the 100th time in this book, I wish I had Nikolai’s confidence. Though it is getting a bit too much.

Puppy boy is dropping some truth bombs. Nice.

But he doesn’t realize that my boy Darkles has very good reasons to not align with Fjerdans - a) they think he’s a demon and b) they want Grisha dead.

I’m not gonna say she was, but like... the monarchy is very much corrupt.

Oh, boy, Baghra. This one’s gonna go well.

Yep, Baghra’s as pleasant as ever.

So... Baghra’s plan in book 1 really had been to just have Alina run away and hope for the best? Jesus Christ, lady. I’m not saying she deserved to have her eyes taken away, but she is definitelly a trash person and I’m not surprised her son turned out the way he did.

Also, I’m fairly certain that Baghra is literally slowly killing herself - that the reason she looks so old and frail is because she’s started to supress her power and it’s literally killing her, because, you know, she’s bonkers old.

Chapter 15

Nerd Alina > Self-pitying Alina

Also, I’m just saying, Alina comments on Zoya being attractive a whole lot - I get that she’s meant to be insecure, but I’m interpreting it as her being gay, because I need some happiness in my life, okay?

Just kill the sleazy old Rasputin-wanna-be. There’s plenty of them to go around in this series.

Chapter 16

Vasily takes after his father in creep factor.

Why not the Darkling being courted by a horny prince? Be a bit creative.

Chapter 17

Nikolai has big ADHD energy and I love him for it. Fits right in with the heavily autism-coded Fabricators.

*sighs at heteronormativity again*

*sighs at improper gendering of titles*

Date night with Mal. This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?

Chapter 18

Fun night of cultural appropriation, yay.

I hate cultists.

LET. ALINA. GO. FERAL. Please.

You two are going to give me a headache, I swear.

Darkles cockblocking Alina. And Malice threw a tantrum. Nice.

Chapter 19

You’re way too harsh on Genya, Alina.

Horny Alina rights.

They have a laser, now. Cool. Or, well, enormously hot.

Mal is being a drunk a-hole. Great. When does he become likable? Does he ever?

Banter between Mal and Alina? Kinda weird, always somehow comes back to either of them being insecure.

Banter between Alina and Nikolai? I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Darklina trash, but like... Nikolai is fun. I could see him and Alina having an arranged political marriage and ending up falling in love years into it, that’s all I’m saying.

Chapter 20

Just let this one go, Alina, please. You two are not working out. Please, end it with him. You’ll both probably be happier. (I’m saying this with the full knowledge that Malina is endgame).

Jesus Alina, get your shit together. You have every right to be mad, because you two didn’t actually break up, you didn’t kiss Nikolai and also, I don’t like Mal.

Sooo... when is Alina going to realize her manchild of a boyfriend is an amplifier?

Chapter 21

Alina has the horny sickness, lol.

Jesus Christ, girl, I don’t want to read your vaguely suicidal thoughts.

Mal, you fucking idiot.

Alina, stop defending Mal.

Chapter 22

Alina has a logical thought? Impossible.

Finally, some action.

Chapter 23

Oh, boi, this is going great.

Oh, boi, Alina’s having another martyr moment.

And, we’re done.

Finally.

That was a ride. Nothing really happens for like ten chapters and then everything happens in one and a half.

[annabethy]

under the mistletoe, watching the fire glow day 14: neighbor

Character A can’t travel to see their family on Christmas, so they invite their grumpy loner neighbor Character B,, percabeth, mildly suggestive

Percy’s heart drops as he stares at the screen in front of him. He doesn’t even bother reading beyond the words that tells him his flight is cancelled. It feels like forever that he’s staring at that screen, the feeling of sadness beginning to become overwhelming.

He doesn’t know that he’s ever been apart from his mom for Christmas in his entire twenty-two years of life. It’s the one time a year that he drops everything to see his family, but now the icy roads are stopping flow into the airports all around the city, and he’s sure that this Christmas is ruined.

Percy actually feels like crying as he shoves on a sweater and makes his way back onto his couch to call his mom. He hasn’t seen her in forever, and this was the only chance for him to see her for the foreseeable future. It’s a quick conversation with her reassuring him that she understands and will miss him. She teases him about being a mommy’s boy, and he can’t even argue because he really is.

He wipes a silent tear that falls from his face as he tells her, “I miss you.”

His mom, of course, never one to have shame, tells him, “You still have friends there. Why don’t you ask them over, so you don’t have to be alone?”

“They’re all home for Christmas.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. What about your neighbor?”

Percy scoffs playfully, knowing exactly where this is going. “What about my neighbor?”

“She’s cute.”

“I’m pretty sure she also wants me to die.”

“Then this is the perfect time to warm her up! Invite her over. I’m sure she’s not as bad as you think. Just don’t give me any grandkids quite yet.”

“Mom.”

She laughs over the phone. “Do what you want, baby, but it won’t hurt to ask her. I know she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he dismisses. “I’ll think about it.”

“Do it for your mother,” Sally says. “I have to go now, okay? I love you.”

Percy swallows. “I love you too, momma.”

When the line clicks off, he feels so alone once again. He ends up turning on a random movie, but he doesn’t watch it, instead contemplating what he should do. He comes to the conclusion that there’s really nothing he can do because if he walks even two steps outside, he’s probably going to freeze to death. It confines him to his apartment building, where he knows actually no one besides his neighbor who doesn’t like him.

Okay. So he doesn’t actually know that she doesn’t like him, but he highly suspects it. He’s only spoken to her once, but it wasn’t a very pleasant conversation. It was more along the lines of can you shut the fuck up it’s three in the morning on her end, and then him saying I’m sorry, I just tripped and took down an entire table, and then she just kind of glared at him with her terrifying piercing grey eyes.

So yeah. It’s safe to say she doesn’t like him.

Still, he begins to think that she’s probably alone too. From the things he’s heard about her, especially from his mom who somehow managed to have a whole conversation with his neighbor the last time she visited, she has no family to go home to. Or maybe she did, but she wasn’t on good enough terms to return, or she just didn’t want to. Either way, she was alone, and Percy is a firm believer that no one should be alone on Christmas.

That’s how Percy finds himself standing outside of her apartment door, wondering if he’s actually about to invite someone who’s practically a stranger into his home. Apparently, he is.

Percy knocks gently twice before stepping back. The hallways are cold despite being inside, so he hugs himself as he waits. He’s sure he looks like a mess in his sweater and red sweatpants, so he’s a little self-conscious, but then he remembers that she doesn’t like him, and he has nothing to prove.

The door swings open abruptly, and Percy is met with Annabeth standing there, face unreadable. She’s looking at him expectantly, peeking out into the hall beyond him. When she finds no one else there, she looks back to him.

“Hi,” she says. “Did you need something?”

Percy shifts his feet, eyeing her sweater with snowflakes printed on it. He hadn’t expected her to enjoy festive clothes. “No, not really. I like the sweater by the way.”

“Thanks. So what did you need?”

“Nothing.”

Annabeth bites her lower lip. “Okay. Why are you standing outside my door then?”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, I forgot.”

She laughs hesitantly. “It’s fine. Just tell me what it is you came to tell me.”

“I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come over,” he says, pointing over his shoulder. “My flight was cancelled, and I didn’t want to be alone.”

“So you just assumed I had nothing better to do?”

Percy pauses. “Wait, no. I just heard that you were here for Christmas, and I thought you might want to do something so you’re not alone either.”

“What makes you think I would want to hang out with you?”

Percy is slightly offended. “I didn’t see why you wouldn’t. Did I do something?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t understand.”

“I just want to know why you’re asking me now, Percy.”

“You know my name?”

“We’ve only been living next to each other for two years,” she says.

“Right. Well, the honest answer is that my flight is cancelled, and my mom suggested I ask you to come over because you’re cute.” After that, Percy highly expects her to slam the door in his face because that’s just the way she is. Instead, she smiles and leans against the door.

“Your mom suggested you ask me out?”

“And hinted that we would be having sex if you must know. Which will not be happening.”

“Bummer,” she says, tilting her head. “If I do come, what would we do then?”

“We can watch movies or make cookies if you want. Whatever you want.”

“And if I want to have super hot Christmas sex?” From the tone of her voice, she is very obviously kidding.

“Then it’s a good thing neither of us are going to see family, isn’t it?” Percy says playfully back. “But seriously, are you coming?”

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a second.”

Percy waits for her outside as she heads back inside her apartment. It’s only a minute before she’s back out and locking her door as he leads her to his own apartment. The first step inside immediately warms him, and he thanks every god that exists that he managed to snag a heater for the living room.

Annabeth stands by the couch as she turns to him. “You promised me Christmas cookies?”

“Is that what you want?”

“I’d prefer it to a movie.”

Percy smiles, and he’s starting to think that maybe they’ll get along better than he initially thought. They stand in the kitchen as Percy grabs a random container of dough. He pulls out a bunch of candy and icing from last week when him and his friends made gingerbread houses, and Annabeth grabs them from his hand to examine them before setting them on the counter.

He preheats the oven before going to stand next to her again. “You ready to make the best cookies you’ve had in your entire life?” She grins. “It’s on.”

The next hour is spent with them competing over who can make the ugliest cookie. Percy has to admit that hers takes the lead with the biggest blobs on icing falling all over his counter.

She’s a lot easier to get along with than he initially thought. She laughs and smiles with him, and shoves his cookie into his face, smearing the frosting and sprinkles everywhere, and he doesn’t think he’s ever had this much fun before. He’s able to forget that he’s not with his mom because Annabeth is something else in itself. He doesn’t know how he hasn’t ever invited her out because she is practically his best friend already.

“Annabeth,” he chastises when she takes a bite out of his cookie.

“It tastes awful,” she says through the mouthful of sugar.

Percy’s stomach flutters. There’s a smudge of frosting on the corner of her mouth, and he has to resist wiping it away. He takes a bite himself and shoots her a look. “Liar.”

She just gives him a sweet smile.

“So,” she says, leaning against the counter, cookies now forgotten. “Why couldn’t you go home for Christmas?”

“The airports are all closed,” he tells her, shrugging. “But it’s okay. I’m having fun.”

“Still. It must suck to not be able to see your family.”

“But what about you? You don’t get to see your family.”

Annabeth stiffens, and Percy realizes he’s overstepped.

“I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that.”

“It’s fine. I just don’t really get along with my family, so. I just stay by myself for most holidays.”

“You’re welcome to spend holidays with me then,” he offers.

“As kind as that is, you just met me today. I don’t think your family would react well to bringing home your neighbor that was an ‘asshole to you for no reason.’”

Percy pauses.

“I’m not stupid. I’ve heard what you told other people.”

He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t deny it because he really did say it, but he wouldn’t have if he knew that she would hear him. “I don’t think it’s true.”

“You still said it.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

She shrugs, humor in his eyes. It dawns on him that she finds making him feel guilty funny. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I promise I don’t think that.” He struggles to find words. “I actually really like you. This has been fun, and I don’t want you to think I haven’t enjoyed every minute with you because I have.”

She smirks. “So you don’t think that I’m an ass anymore?”

“I mean. A little bit, but it’s only because you just ate my fucking cookie.”

“It was a good cookie.”

“So you were lying!” he accuses.

“I wanted to win the competition!”

Percy smiles. “Then you win! I forfeit.”

“Forfeit? For me?”

“Of course. I was always taught to let the pretty girl win.”

“Pretty girl, huh?”

“Well, you are.”

“So you invited me over because I’m pretty? Not because you didn’t want to be alone?”

“I invited you over because my mommy told me to.”

“Your mommy also told you to flip me over and have your way with me.”

Percy chokes. “I promise my mom did not say that.”

“The point is you listened to her about everything else, and you told me we could do whatever I wanted.”

Percy can’t tell if she’s messing with him, so he keeps his cool exterior even though he’s combusted inside already. “And what you want is… a Christmas sex session?”

“You’re not the only one that’s cute.”

“Well now I want to kiss you.”

Annabeth raises an eyebrow. “Then do it.”

And he does.

He tugs her in close and kisses her hard. His brain stops functioning, and all he can think of is how he hasn’t done this before. It feels right, and it’s insane to think that she’s been living across the hall for the past two years when they could’ve been doing this. He threads his fingers in her hair, and she bites his bottom lip and lets out a whimper that makes his heart stop.

As Percy deepens the kiss and Annabeth tugs on the hem of his shirt until he pulls it off, he thinks that this Christmas might actually be the best one yet. He may not be with his mom, but it sure feels like he’s building something permanent with his hot next-door neighbor, and he wouldn’t change a thing.

He’s going to stop thinking of his mom now because this pretty girl in front of him nips at his jaw, and he thinks he knows where this is about to go.

It surely is a Merry Christmas.

[eldestnightwingsyndrome]

ROTD Analysis

revolution of the daleks was a real mixed bag. overall, it was really fun to watch and i enjoyed, but my media analysis brain is going into overdrive, so here are my Thoughts.

quick disclaimer, these are just my opinions and it’s okay if you disagree! feel free to let me know what you disagree with as long as you do it kindly.

Prison Break

the scene where jack breaks the doctor out of prison was fun, however i feel like it was a huge missed opportunity.

yaz spent ten months looking for the doctor, what if in all her research she found torchwood? she could’ve actually teamed up with jack and gotten the doctor out of prison, she and the rest of the fam. why would this have been a better idea (in my opinion) than jack committing a bunch of crimes and somehow hiding a bunch of alien tech and breaking them out?

it allows the fam to have a real impact on the plot of the episode. the only things they really did this episode were:

bring the daleks to the doctor’s attention, which she could and would have found out on her own eventually

yaz noticed the light changing in osaka, which again, the doctor would have figured out on her own.

and ryan had an Honest conversation with the doctor. kudos to him for getting her to actually talk about her feelings.

i’m so incredibly disappointed at how these characters are being used. they almost have no agency. if they had actively contributed to the prison break, it would have fundamentally changed the course of the episode in a way that didn’t happen in the canon.

three of your main characters barely had an affect on the plot.

Nitpicking About Companion Interactions

another thing, no one asked the doctor anything about stormcage? they didn’t even consider how long she may have been there? or what she could have endured?

i understand that they were upset, they were left for ten months unsure if she was alive. they had a right to be upset! but the doctor was in prison for decades, that’s got to have a negative effect on her psyche.

it just doesn’t seem right to me that none of the fam would ask what happened to her. i’m chalking this one up to bad writing, honestly.

Rose Mention

thank god we got a rose mention

however.

correct me if i’m wrong, but when jack brought her up, there was absolutely no reaction from the doctor? not a word, not a facial expression?

my guy. i wanted an acknowledgment of her existence from 13, is that too much to ask?

i’m so so glad she was mentioned at all, but i feel like it could been better? that’s so nitpicky, i know.

The New Companion

i don’t think we need another companion.

i’m not even going to touch on the fact that he’s a middle-aged white dude, so many people have already made posts about that and they’re great, go read them.

i’m going to talk about yaz and the doctor. not about thasmin at all, but about character development and the progression of their friendship (and possibly relationship, although i personally don’t think it will happen).

yaz is such a great character. she has ambitions, a career, a personality, she’s got family! she has clear motivations and drive. she is capable of carrying a season on her own, being the only companion.

it would give a great chance to explore her character further, she would have more screen time and more interactions with the doctor.

as someone who is ambivalent to thasmin, as in, i’d like it if it happened but i wouldn’t say i ship it, they need to further their relationship.

they need more interactions bro. they make such a good team. if it wasn’t currently 12:14 am, i’d list examples. i can’t wait to go more in depth on all this shit. but you know exactly what i’m talking about, yaz is intelligent and clever and it’s clear that the two get along well.

furthermore, this show really can’t handle multiple companions right now. character development has really suffered throughout seasons 11 and 12 because they’re trying to split screen time between three companions and their storylines, the doctor and her storyline, and the monster of the week.

it’s just too much. if yaz was the sole companion for a little while, it would give the show a chance to explore her, explore the doctor’s feelings about being the timeless child and coping with what happened on gallifrey and in stormcage, and again, give the two a chance to develop a complex relationship (platonic or not).

A Bit Of Positivity

here’s a few things i enjoyed from the episode!! obviously not everything, just off the top of my head.

i love that gwen cooper was mentioned. just the little details, guys.

jack’s interaction with graham? god the little things really make this show good.

i like that hotel guy (i can’t be bothered to learn his name) was literally going to betray the human race for what? capitalism? that was funny and sad, a bit too real.

the new dalek design was really cool. it’ll be good to return to something more conventional, but it was nice to see something new! it was sleek and modern, nice to look at.

this episode, and the previous episode featuring daleks in season 12, has been great at making daleks scary again. daleks are still a force to be reckoned with even outside of their casing! they can use people as their puppets! that’s terrifying!! i love it!!!

i enjoyed the weeping angel cameo and the silence cameo.

i know everyone’s said it before but the greasy hair. disgusting, please take a shower, but w o w. it looks good.

if you actually read this far, i’m in love with you. i owe you my firstborn. please give me your thoughts, tear me shreds, agree with me, idc. i’m hoping to go more in depth on this stuff and make a video essay on it, so i’d definitely appreciate hearing from other people. i hope everything i said in this made sense, i’m so tired and i’m not proofreading, so if it’s disjointed i apologize.

[petri808]

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thank you for your patience. This week was pretty crazy distracting with the elections lol   The ride’s gonna get rough for a while....

It had become a pretty routine idea for the couple whenever a new and interesting movie hit the theaters to check it out. They could relax and cuddle, letting the stressors of school and work melt away onto the big screen where actors made them laugh or cry and laugh again. The theater that Saturday afternoon was busy with the line for the concession stand long but moving at a decent pace. Natsu and Lucy weren’t too worried about getting a good seat because they’d arrived early enough.

 “Do you think Pets 2 will be as good as the first one?” Lucy questions Natsu.

 “I don’t know. I mean the first one was okay I guess.” He pokes her side in a teasing manner. “You’re just excited cause Mamoru Miyano is dubbing a character again.”

 “He’s hot, what can I say and if he was single, well...” she shrugs with a devious grin, “who knows.”

 “Pfft, I’m a much better catch, plus he’s old.”

 “I’m just teasing,” Lucy giggles. “But he is not that old!”

 Natsu is still laughing over the protective behavior she shows for her favorite voice actor, just as they finally reach the front of the concession stand. “Should I just grab a big tub of popcorn and we share?” He double checks with her.

 “No way mister,” she laughs, “I want a small one for myself cause last time I barely got any.”

 “Okay that’s true, what about a drink? Share or no?”

 “Hmm, yeah, that’s fine. Ooh, and don’t forget my arare this time.”

 It takes only a few minutes for the worker to put their order together. Natsu grabs the two containers of popcorn and their candies, while Lucy holds the carrier with the drinks. They then head towards the hallways leading to the theater rooms. It was a pretty big lobby area with three hallway branches to choose from, so they check to make sure they take the correct one. But just as they’re about to turn in that direction, something or someone bumps so hard into Natsu’s back that he stumbles and the food he was holding flies forward all over the ground. Lucy who was walking right beside him is also hit, though managed to keep the drinks from being thrown too.

 “What the fuck?!” He yells from the impact and Lucy cries out too.

 The whole event was seconds in the making, like a blur of food flying, gasps around them, and immediate questions needing answers. Natsu moves to spin around to confront the person, when arms are quickly wrapping themselves around his body. Meanwhile, Lucy is sent into an emotional tailspin from the sight. Anger and frustration topping the list.

 “Touka?!” Lucy screams.

 “Touka?!” Natsu parrots his girlfriend since he can’t see behind him. He claws at the arms around him. “Get the fuck off me you crazy bitch!”

 A crowd of gawkers gathers to see what was going on, and employees from the concession stand get on phones to call for security.

 “Natsu! I can’t believe you’re cheating on me!” The woman retorts and digs in, holding on as tight as possible. “I’m your girlfriend not her!”

 “You are not my girlfriend!” He screams as he tries desperately to untangle her arms from his body. “Let me you go you crazy nut case!”

 “Touka, let Natsu go!” Lucy shrieks too, digging her nails into the woman’s arm. She didn’t care if she drew blood at this point because she’d had enough of Toukas antics. For months and months, the woman has harassed them. Always showing up and spying on them, approaching them with this same rhetoric. But it was the first time she’d become this physical, latching onto Natsu and not letting go. “Touka, you’re crazy! Leave us alone!”

 “He’s mine!” The woman screams back. “Natsu’s mine and you stole him from me!”

 “She didn’t steal nothin’ you demented freak!” Natsu finally pulls her locked arms away and flips her over his shoulder. Touka lands hard on her back to the gasps and murmurs of onlookers, but Natsu didn’t care at this point. He was too fed up with the stalker behaviors that’s been driven him crazy for almost three years now! “I can’t take it anymore! I’m pressing charges Touka since you won’t leave us alone!”

 Sobbing on the floor but undeterred, Touka grabs for his ankle. “No! I’ll never give you up! Never!”

 Natsu kicks her hand away, then grabs Lucy by the waist and pulls them both out of reach from the crazed blonde. “Stay away from me and Lucy, Touka! I mean it! This has gone too far!”

 Lucy immediately turns and buries her face in his chest as he holds her close. Her mind was reeling and on the verge of tears. Why couldn’t she leave them alone! It had been frustrating until now, but this was getting scary. It felt like they didn’t have the freedom to be in public together without constantly worrying if Touka would show up. Usually, if there were people around, she was less likely to, so her actions this time showed an escalation in behavior.

 In that moment, security arrived and takes charge of the situation. Two of the men secured Touka and haul her away to the building’s security office, while another questions the couple along with witnesses in the lobby. The pair tells them what happened and Natsu insists on pressing assault charges on Touka. Once witnesses confirm their story, the guards take all of the contact information and allow them to leave. Theater employees offer to replace their food for free, but Lucy is so shaken that she just wants to get out of there. It was nice of the staff to give them free vouchers for their next trip.

 “I’m so sorry I ever doubted you, Natsu.” Lucy clung to his side as they walked the short distance to his apartment. “There’s something seriously wrong with that girl.”

 “Shh,” he kisses her temple, “it’s okay. You were just protecting yourself. But I promise you, we’ll get through this.”

 “Are you really gonna push the charges?”

 “Hell yes, I should have done it long ago. Maybe then she would have taken it more seriously.”

 “I hope so too. Maybe they’ll give her counseling in jail.”

 When they arrive at Natsu’s apartment, Gray was home but napping in his room, so they set up in the living room. Lucy makes them drinks and microwave popcorn, then they put on a movie. It wasn’t the same as a theater experience, but at least it was cozy. She cuddles up on his lap with the bowl of popcorn on hers, trying to focus on the movie rather than the events of that day. He in turn keeps his arms around her body to hold her close.

 Stuff like this was exactly what she feared in deciding to date Natsu, but she never thought it would go this far. She was too deeply attached to him to give up now and aside from dealing with Touka, he was everything he’d promised he would be, which was such a rarity that couldn’t be given up lightly. Lucy was comfortable with him, as if they’d known each other forever. Natsu was sweet, caring, affectionate, smart, handsome, funny, respectful of her no matter what. She could tell it pained him whenever stuff like this occurred, frustrated as if he was failing somehow. But it wasn’t all his fault. While yes, he could have been blunter with the woman in the beginning, Lucy had to admit that his caring nature was one of the reasons she loved him for. She couldn’t very well fault him for it now. Natsu also couldn’t control the fact Touka was just crazier than normal.

 “You’re thinking about things, I can tell cause your brows are furrowing.” Natsu’s voice is soft as he speaks. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

 Lucy shakes her head. “No. I’ll be okay, I promise. It’s just so hard to rap my brain around how some people can behave like that.”

 “It would kill me, but I’d understand if you’re tired of having to deal with all this... or me.”

 She turns slightly in his lap. “I’m not leaving. I’m— scared, but I’m not gonna let her win either. You’re just too good to give up.”

 Natsu’s face softens further, slightly embarrassed at such an affirmation. He cradles her cheeks and kisses her lips gently. “It’s me who’s the lucky one.”

*Note: arare= shoyu flavored rice crackers. It's makes a really good snack, but if you add it to popcorn with some furikake omg so oishi, delicious!

For those that don't know who he is, Mamoru Miyano is a popular voice actor in Japan for both anime and he's done dub work for American movies like Pets/Pets 2, etc. He's also my favorite Japanese singer :) I love him so much, OMG.

Last note, the story does take a majorly angsty turn at this point. I swear this ends happier if you can handle the drama lol.

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 32

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i tried to find a good gif for this of him right before a show and i couldnt. i know some exist but its almost 7am and im tired lol so yea.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! :i love the requests you guys send me theyre amazing! thank you! 💖

Chapter 32 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 10,2018

I kept playing with my fingers and glancing at the door as I waited for Dylan to arrive. My foot started shaking under the table and I kept checking my phone to see if Niall had sent me a message or anything. I knew he was busy and I wasn't expecting him to call but I knew it would be awkward if he did while I was with Dylan. It was the very first time we were seeing each other since I broke up with him in Italy and I still felt like crap for the way I had treated him. I knew I was the bad guy in the story and I didn't even want to pretend otherwise. I took the blame, literally all of it, but I couldn't pretend I regretted it. It was better to stop things then, than to keep this game going on. I wouldn't have been able to resist Niall anyway and the whole cheating thing was not for me. It only made me feel like shit.

The door tinged and my head moved up so quickly I could have snapped my neck. He was there and I held my breath but when his eyes met mine, the smile he sent me made something stir in my stomach. Did I really break up with this guy?

I got up and he walked closer. I felt his hand on my upper arm as he kissed my cheeks before we both sat down, facing each other. He called the waitress and asked for water and a meal while I took my glass of wine and brought it to my lips. I needed it to survive this conversation because I felt like it was about to get heavy. I didn't know how he felt or what he thought, and somehow, I was scared. I didn't want him to hate me and at the same time, I couldn't blame him if he did.

We hadn't talked at all and he hadn't said anything mean about me, at least nothing I had heard about, but it wasn't really surprising. It was not his type to shittalk other people. It was also not his type to share his personal life or anything. I frowned, realizing he had quite a few things in common with Niall and that, perhaps, I had a type.

"How are you?" he asked in a soft tone, leaning his forearms on the table and crossing his fingers together.

I sent him a small smile and titled my head. "I'm... i'm okay, and you?"

"Oh, I'm good."

I nodded and started nibbling on my bottom lip from stress. He noticed and I saw the left corner of his lips raise up slightly as his lips twisted into a small smile.

"No need to be nervous, you know." he explained. "It's me. Just me. You've seen me naked before, and you've seen me with food on my face. Pretty sure you also heard me when I went to the bathroom. You're safe."

I laughed and shook my head, pressing my lips together. He was always so funny and I just nodded. I had no idea why, but I suddenly felt like everything would be alright. I knew Dylan, and i knew the kind of man he was, and I trusted him.

"Thanks, I just didn't want things to be awkward between us. We didn't really talk since that day in Italy and I was not sure... how you felt, and what you thought." I tilted my head, staring in his eyes, and I smiled at the incredible shade of brown they were. It made me think of how blue Niall's eyes were and how much I missed them. "We're filming together today and.. I don't know, is there any way we can make this less awkward or.. more comfortable?"

His smile turned into a sad one and he nodded slowly. "That's why you wanted to meet." he pointed out, as if he was realizing something that he didn't enjoy. He sighed and rubbed on of his eyes before slipping his hand in his hair and leaning against the chair. "We're both professionals, I mean, I was not going to start any trouble, Liv. I love working on this tv show. That's why I messaged you the first time."

I chuckled and raised my eyebrows, using a teasing tone. "Oh? I thought that was because you saw me act and thought you just had to meet me!" I joked with a small chuckle.

He shook his head slightly and looked away before sighing again.

"The truth is yea, I did message you at first because you caught my eyes. I mean, it's something that emanated from you in all those videos. Through the camera you were just.. I can't explain. I don't know many people who can just send that kind of vibe through a camera, but you did." he admitted, making me frown slightly. That was something he had never told me before and I was in shock. "The show was interesting, of course, but you were the reason why I messaged you. I wanted to act with you. But I watched that tv show because it was good."

My lips curled and then parted slightly. "You... you thought I was a good actress?" I asked, not expecting that and making him chuckle.

"You think it's surprising?"

"Well, yea." I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I've never really done anything, i'm just a boring french girl who didn't learn acting in school or anything. I didn't think anyone would actually try to act with me, at least not someone like you."

"Someone like me?" he asked with a smirk. "What kind of person am I, exactly?"

"Fishing for compliments?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Or just curious, you know me."

I tilted my head but sent him a fond smile before licking my lips and clearing my throat. We got our meals just as I was about to answer and finally, I asked for an other glass of wine, taking a mental note to stop after that or I'd have a hard time to film my scenes.

"I mean, you can't deny that you're popular. And yea, you're pretty hot, but people actually like you for your talent. Your good look is just a bonus. You can't blame a nobody like me for being starstruck."

"Oh so you were starstruck when we met?" he asked with a chuckle.

"From the day I got your tweet, until that time we sang together after an 18 hours of filming." I admitted. "I was starstruck the whole time."

"That's the first night we had sex." he pointed out, making my smile grow as I nodded.

"It was."

"So you were not starstruck when you saw me naked? I'm offended."

This time, i let out a louder laugh, letting my head fall slightly on my shoulders before looking back in his eyes. I felt reassured that we would just get along, even if we weren't dating anymore, and I wouldn't let anyone else make things awkward between us.

"The truth?" I asked, raising my eyes as his eyes moved from his plate to my face. "I wouldn't say starstruck but... impressed, yea."

"I know right? That's what all the girls say." he joked, making me laugh and shake my head before rolling my eyes.

"I saw a few rumors about you and Jody." I pointed out. "I know you're not with her but, are you seeing anyone?"

It took him a while to answer and he finally pushed his plate away and grabbed his glass, taking a long sip of water before shaking his head a bit. He was avoiding my eyes but I knew him well enough to guess he was probably trying to formulate an answer correctly in his head before letting it out. He was a funny and sensitive guy, and he had tact, which I greatly appreciated.

"I'm only talking for me, but honestly, I can not get over a break up that easily, and I don't really want to date anyone right now." he looked up in my eyes and sighed. "This is no surprise if I tell you I'm not over you, right? I mean I was ready to marry you, Olivia. This is not something you just brush away and move on from in the spam of a few weeks."

I felt extremely guilty and when he stopped talking, I held my breath and pressed my lips together. There was no right answer to this and I decided to keep quiet, only letting out the air from my lungs when the waitress came with my glass of wine. I thanked her and after she left, I took a very long sip of it before putting it back on the table. I couldn't pretend I was totally over the break up with Dylan but at the same time, I had Niall, and with him, nothing else seemed to matter, or almost. I didn't want to blindly love him the way I used to before, but I couldn't pretend I was not happy in his arms.

"I'm sorry I asked." I said in a low tone, clearing my throat. "I mean, it wouldn't be any of my business anyway."

Quickly, Dylan brought the discussion back to the show and the scenes we were about to do together and we started laughing again. I had no idea how he did it, but he could always turn an awkward situation into a comfortable one. That was why it was always so easy to be around him.

We paid for our food and walked out of the restaurant as he checked his watch.

"We're supposed to be there in half an hour." he let out, looking around the parking. "You need a ride or you got your own car?"

I raised my nose up. "I planned on taking a cab. I hate driving back when we're done filming, i'm always so tired."

He raised his eyebrows and pointed his car with both hands, his keys hanging from one. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, moving my head a bit before deciding that it was just a car ride and we were going at the same place anyway. It reminded me that Dylan was always my ride home when we filmed the first season and that's one of the things that had brought us closer. We would always chat about what had happened on the set or laugh at each other for the mistakes we made that would be good bloopers. The first time we kissed was in his car, and I remembered like it was yesterday. It was the first time someone made me feel as strongly as that after Niall. Or even before. In fact, I could remember clearly why I wanted to marry Dylan.

He handed me his phone so I could choose the songs that would play while he was driving and when we got there, we walked inside together without really thinking about it. Not many people noticed but those who did sent me a weird look or a surprised smile but I just said hi and left, not wanting to discuss it at all. Sometimes, I forget that people in general love gossips, and that it's not just the paps I need to hide from.

Gladly, no one dared asking me questions and when I was ready to play the scene, I felt nervous all of a sudden. Dylan walked to me with a frown and bent down slightly, giving me a whiff of his deodorant. It made me smile and he whispered.

"Why so nervous?"

"We're supposed to kiss." I pointed out in a murmur, feeling slightly embarrassed by my own words and fear.

"Yea, we did that plenty of time." he replied back. "Relax, it's not even intimate, you know it, there's 25 persons with us on the set."

He was right and I breathed in and out to get some courage. I just thought it was different to kiss someone for a tv show when I was single versus when I was not. It made something jump in my chest when I remembered I was technically still single and for some reason, it didn't sit right with me. I suddenly wanted to be official with Niall. To fly back to Ireland right now and tell him I wanted to be his girlfriend. It was not a rational thought and I pushed it back, trying to focus on the scene I was about to be in. I was still not used to being an actress and I didn't know that much about all of it yet, but I knew that if I wanted to keep doing this job, I would probably have to kiss other people at some point. Perhaps, after a few years, it wouldn't be much of a deal anymore. Hopefully.

Everything went well and I tilted my head while biting my bottom lip as I looked at Dylan. It was incredible how 'in character' he could get and he sighed, raising his eyebrows up as he kept saying his text.

"You know you drive me crazy?"

I smiled proudly and shook my head. "My goal in life!"

I saw him take a few steps my way quickly and it couldn't have been more different than our first kiss was. This on-screen kiss was quick and hard and although it was totally different than the kisses we used to share in private, it still brought a bunch of memories of us in my brain. It was hard to think he was not thinking about the time we spent together too and when his hands reached the sides of my shirt near my waist, I shut my eyes tighter. He gripped my shirt in his fists and I kept my eyes closed when we stopped kissing before he brushed his nose against mine.

The first kiss I had had with Dylan was shy at the beginning and deep after a while. This one didn't come close to the real deal but I guess when feelings are involved, it's always stronger.

"That was the only way I could think about to shut you up." he whispered as I nodded slowly.

"Mm, I can't think of a better way."

He chuckled and I did too, my eyes fluttering open and I couldn't help but blink a few times when my gaze met his. I knew it was all acting but it felt weird to play that scene with him anyway. I sent him a smile and chuckled low and when I heard the 'cut!' I breathed out as all the stress evacuated from my body.

"You're fucking good at this, Olivia." Dylan just complimented me, making me smile a bit.

He patted my shoulder and I checked the time on my phone, grimacing when I realized Niall was probably not done with his show. I wanted to check the video he promised he would do while opening my envelop but I felt like it was too personal and decided I would wait until I was back home.

The rest of the scenes we were supposed to do went fast. Dylan was an incredibly good actor and a hard-working man. He rarely missed his lines or forgot his text and I always tried to be as good and professional as he was. It was crazy but he turned out to be a model for me but I had never taken the time to tell him.

He brought me back home and I was slightly sad when I realized I couldn't ask him to drop me at Niall's. It would make things so awkward and although I knew I could just take my car and drive there, It was way too late for that.

"Thanks so much for the ride, Dyl." I smiled and tilted my head. "I appreciate it."

"You're welcome, babe." I raised my nose up and he chuckled. "Okay, no cute names, I get it."

I waited a few seconds and licked my lips. "I never thanked you for teaching me so much about acting. So thank you. I look up to you a lot. I aspire to be as good as you are."

He sent me a smile but there was something in his eyes that I couldn't seem to decipher. Slowly, he nodded and I grabbed my purse, turning to him again.

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure, do you want me to pick you up?"

My lips parted and I took a few seconds to think. I really needed to talk to Niall about it, or else I would feel like I was lying to him, and I hated that.

"Oh, uhm, sure. Thanks, text me?"

He nodded and I got out of the car and I glanced at him a few times, knowing he would wait until I was safe and sound inside to actually leave. I waved at him and closed the door behind me, surprised that Louis was still awake and mostly, that he was alone.

"Hey my queen, how was the filming?" he asked without even looking at me.

"Nice." I admitted, taking my shoes off and walking up to the couch, letting myself fall next to him.

He moved his arm on the back of the couch, near my neck and I leaned my head against it.

"Tired?" he asked, finally turning to look at me as I nodded. "Go to bed, then. There's a gift waiting for you on your bed."

"A gift?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and sitting back up, suddenly interested. "From who?"

"Yours truly. I literally ordered it on ebay."

I frowned when I saw his smirk and felt my heart skip a beat. What stupid thing had he done again? I rushed to my room and opened the door but I stopped dead in my track and my jaw dropped. I walked slowly to my bed and chuckled before making a grimace. I grabbed the cushion and turned around only to see Louis, his hands in his pockets and leaning on the door frame as he sent me a bigger smirk.

"Are you fucking serious?" I chuckled, shaking the cushion with Niall's face on it. "He's like 18 on that damn picture!"

"More like 20. And hey, I picked one where you can actually take the cover off and wash it in the machine. If you want to... you know."

My eyes got bigger and I walked quickly to him as I hit him a few times with the cushion, making laugh even more as he tried to dodge my hits with his elbows and hands.

"What? You're gonna ride it, won't you?"

I started hitting him harder with it and he laughed more as he started running away. I followed him to the living room and raised my nose up again when I saw his smirk.

"You know what, Louis? I will. I'll ride that cushion naked, my damn cunt right on his face, and you'll know I'll do it because I'll fucking scream his name!"

His smile faltered and It made mine grow. "Yea about that, darling, you can wait 'til I'm out to do that yeah?"

"Yea, I don't think so." 

He groaned and I laughed. "Good night, Louis!"

I didn't wait for his answer and walked back to my room, closing and locking the door behind myself. I took a very quick shower and when I finally got under the covers, I quickly checked the instagram I made for us. My heart jumped in my chest and my lips curled when I saw the first video posted. I licked my lips and finally clicked on it as Niall started talking. He looked amazing and just seeing him made me tear up.

"Hey my love." he started with a smile. He was totally ready to go on stage and it made me smile. He had his guitar and his ear monitors and I could see he was close to the stage. He had put his phone on something and was smiling so big that it made my smile grow too. "I fucking miss you. The flight was horrible, you know."

The truth was, he should have left probably a day earlier but we didn't really want to be separated. Now, however, he was jet lagged and tired and I felt a bit guilty about that.

"Okay so, I'm in Ireland and I wish you were here with me. Let's see what your note says." He quickly ripped off the side and I groaned. I didn't know why but watching someone open something in a way I didn't feel was the right one always bothered me. He took the paper out and I saw his face change and his lips part in surprise.

"Jesus Christ this smells like you!" he let out a bit louder. "How did you do that, petal?"

I chuckled alone in the darkness of my room and squirmed a bit as he read the words quickly, his facial expression changing as his eyes moved on the paper. He looked up and shook his head.

"I thought about you the whole flight, Liv." he admitted. "You're in all my thoughts too, lovely. I'm about to go sing a bunch of songs about you and damn, it's not gonna be easy. You call me as soon as you come back home okay? You step foot in the damn house and you pick your phone. I need to hear your voice. I love you."

The video stopped and I raised my eyebrows, quickly hitting on his name to facetime him. It took him half a second to answer and I chuckled. Seeing his face made me want to literally cry.

"Pet, fucking finally!" he let out, making me chuckle. "Hey, your hair's wet, you're in bed... you didn't call me as soon as you got home like I asked! Wait, is that your bed?"

I breathed in and sighed. "Yea I'm sorry I just watched your video. And I'm home because Dylan gave me a ride, so I couldn't really ask him to bring me back to your place."

Niall groaned and I sent him a sad smile, tilting my head.

"I wish he knew that you're with me now." he shook his head. "I know we're not... together but, you know..."

"I know, Nee. I know."

We stared at each other for a while, just happy to talk to each other live and after a while, I pressed my lips together and started the conversation again.

"So how was your show?"

"Great. Fucking amazing, in fact." he admitted, playing with his hair and making my heart twist in my chest. I wish I could slide my fingers in his hair, too. "I'll be in Dublin tomorrow."

My face changed and I sat up. "Are you gonna go through Mullingar?"

"Probably."

I held my breath and my lips parted slightly.

"If you see someone I know-"

"Yea, I'll call you."

My eyes fluttered and I finally found my smile back, leaning against the wall behind me. I could spend hours just sitting in bed, facetiming with him but keeping silence. Just knowing he was there was enough for me.

"Is there a secret written in every envelop you wrote or was it just for the first one?" he asked, a smirk forming on his lips.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly and nibbled on my bottom lip, making him laugh.

"It was not a secret just... something I never told you."

"Well if you want to tell me of all the times you masturbated thinking about me, please I'd love it." he explained, making me hide my face with my free hand. "Make a list and send it to me. I'll do that same."

"God you're impossible!" I laughed, rolling my eyes. "You tell a guy you rode his pillow one time in the morning when he was out for a run and suddenly you're naughty!"

"You are naughty, Liv." he laughed too. "Are you gonna show me?"

"Mm, Maybe."

We stared at each other for a few minutes and it made me realize how much lighter I felt whenever Niall was around. I knew he was not physically there at that moment but I still felt better, calmer and happier. It made me realize that I was in a perpetual state of stress since he had left and I felt even lighter now than after that kissing scene with Dylan. No one could make me feel good the way Niall did.

"It's morning there?" I asked as he nodded.

"It's 10 in the morning. Which means it's about 2am where you are? Go to bed, petal, you need a rest."

"Aren't you glad that I waited to call you? I probably would have woken you up!"

"You did." he pointed out with a soft smile. "That was the plan. I wanted to wake up seeing your face, sort of like you were here with me. Fuck, I wish you were here with me."

I felt myself tear up and tried to swallow my tears but it was too hard. I blinked a few times and a few tears slid down my cheeks. I didn't even try to stop them, I just kept staring at Niall until he frowned and shook his head.

"Pet, please, don't." he sat and his phone moved as I tried to stop a sob from escaping my lips and when he appeared on the screen again, he was rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and I held my breath when I realized he was crying too. "We'll be together soon enough, okay?"

He breathed in and I heard him sob slightly, making me bring my hand to my mouth as I nodded. "Mmhm yes." I whispered, trying to swallow my tears and pain.

It had only been a day and it was already tough. I had no idea how we'd go through weeks without each other but it scared the shit out of me. I brought my hand to my phone and let my fingertip run on his cheek, over the screen. It was ridiculous but I was desperate for his touch. I just wanted to be in his arms, just a few seconds, I would have done anything.

He chuckled sadly but his eyes were still red and I knew I probably looked the same. "I put your note under my pillow and now it smells like you." he admitted. "You're not physically with me, Olivia, but you're in my head and my heart okay?"

I nodded quickly. "You're in mine, too."

"We've always been connected, you and me." he added, licking his lips. "Nothing is ever going to change that, and certainly not distance. I fucking love you, petal."

"I love you too." I whispered before repeating it louder. "I fucking love you too, Niall."

[homosexualadventure]

every single lmam song, ranked.

i just finished listening to let’s make a music for the first time, and Oh My God it rocks. it’s a great podcast and if you’re reading this without having listened to it...i don’t know what to tell you. i don’t know what you think lmam means. but, that aside, if you haven’t listened to it yet: go listen to it! it’s not a crazy long podcast, overall or episode length-wise, so it’s manageable even for people who usually can’t handle podcasts (like me!) anyways, now that it’s over, what’s left for me to do with my time and energy that i used to spend thinking about lmam?

listen to the episodes again so that i can rank all fourty-one songs from worst to best, of course. so that’s exactly what i did.

i mostly ranked these on my gut feeling, because i didn’t come up with the idea of ranking it on a set of points before like...five minutes ago. there’s a bit of personal bias in here, so if you disagree with me on rankings, hey! send me an ask, or a dm. we can talk about it. 

so, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into it! let’s...make a ranking. haha. that’s just a fun little lmam joke for you. 

41. the roquefort stank

this song only gets points for laura’s stanky noises in the background. i love laura.

40. shan’t he shanty

weirdly catchy. for a sea shanty, that is. that’s all i have to say.

39. well, i’m on child...

i do love a good gay song about polyamory but it just wasn’t enough in this case. truly heartbreaking. 

38. dog trash

i’m not a big fan of polka in general. that’s all i have to say. i don’t have to explain all my decisions. this is my journey. and it’s your journey that you’re taking with me.

37. echoes of wednesday

it’s not my favorite but i do think it’s sweet and i like all the laura vocals. also the zuko vocals. 

36. brothers in legs

not their best character song but it’s still a song you could quietly headbang to. i just don’t love full story ballads (there is an exception to this, you’ll see) most of the time. 

35. ol’ tim’s tricks

i’m not saying it’s a bad song, i’m just saying it sounds like it was once in a made for tv disney channel-esque movie about a girl who finds her calling in sports and friendship.

34. don’t give me that altitude

very queen-esque with general 80s vibes and i like that.

33. dreamless

if it was longer i think it would be a lot higher on the list, because it’s Good. but i don’t feel right putting a 45 second song above, like, tobie’s razor. still! i love the mellow, kind of sad and eerie tones of it.

32. holiday crime!

look i know this one’s fairly low on the list, hear me out: it’s a good song and it’s pretty memorable as well! but as far as holiday songs go, i don’t think it’s their best or most iconic one. laura’s laughing and beat in the back is absolutely wonderful and heartwarming, though.

31. mr. dad

this one gets a higher rating than the previous holiday song for its good good harmonica and because when i heard the lyrics “but you love to watch him go” used to describe mr. dad i almost toppled my chair backwards with me still in it.

30. mourning ritual

the biggest load of 1980s bullshit i’ve ever heard in this decade. somehow it’s also got a big panic! at the disco vibe and i’m not sure how i feel about it but it’s definitely Strongly There and i can’t deny it.

29. outback sadhouse

it’s RIDICULOUS how well they nailed the sufjan stevens vibe with this one. plus the restaurant dialogue bit in the back of the song really adds a lot. 

28. let down my better dynamite

it’s really easy to bop to and the instrumental in the background is FANTASTIC! jonah really killed it with this one. plus they talk a lot about rats in the episode which is nice for me because i love rats. also it’s the first episode with an instance of “brian does a bit”.

27. the tale of the greazzy creek

i just think it absolutely nails the vibe of a rural campfire grizzled old cowboy song while also being a really catchy theme song. like, i think you could’ve snuck it into holes (2003) and i would’ve been like, yeah, that sounds right. 

26. turn around and come down slowly

not one of their more iconic songs but brian’s voice is so pretty in this and it’s really soothing. 

25. ratless randy’s

i don’t know why it’s this high on the list either, but it is. ratless randy’s really IS the place to be, guys.

24. tobie’s razor

i will be honest. when i saw the title for this episode for the first time i just thought “occam’s razor” and as i type this i can’t even think of what that actually is, so..... anyways, i’d say this song absolutely NAILS the vibe but i have no idea what vibe it’s even remotely related to. certainly does nail the internal childhood monologue though. i think this song is the first one where they really started hitting their stride, also. not that it’s better than some of the earlier ones, but this one forward their songs were pretty consistently high quality. plus, and no one will be surprised by this by now, it gets extra points for laura. 

23. armoire of royals

it’s weird, it’s synthy, has a vaguely billie eilish-esque part near the end which is not necessarily a point in favor depending on your taste but it Definitely is surprising and cool, and it’s got fake british accents. what more do you need out of a song?

22. sybil’s night scare

the piano in this is perfect and fantastic and the comedic timing in the song is just right. jonah’s delivery of “they’re actually real human eyes” is so goddamn good and his singing is Also great and frankly i think we can all agree we’re fucking tired of him saying he can’t sing. i mean, i assume (i fucking hope) he’s stopped saying that by now considering he had the majority of vocals on silo by a bit but Still. it’s a good peppy halloween-y song.

21. chalice for your thoughts

two spooky songs in a row! honestly, i’m not sure what reasons i have for ranking this song as high as i did. i just like it a lot. they were able to include a lot of weird twitter suggestions fairly seamlessly, and it’s just soft and pretty. spooky, but still pretty. 

20. 21st blitheday

i admit it: i fucking hate the voice brian uses in this. but i really, really like the song. the beat’s very good and somehow brian still manages to sing the chorus well and make it sound nice even though his affectation is Stupid as hell <3 the background whistling is nice and his robot voice, which he’s used for several of his videos but i think most notoriously for scrundler in his week in revue series (here), is also featured. it’s a real bop, i think.

19. monday night boomball

i genuinely think this is their weirdest song, ever. it’s incomprehensible and it’s so fucking theatre kid of them, and it’s dumb as shit but it’s really funny and enjoyable and strange and i love it.

18. gentle light

this is a really good song. it’s not weird or funny, it’s genuinely just a really soft, calming, normal song. i can’t in good conscience rank it above the others for this reason, because it’s easier to make a regular song good than it is for a song about fucking a tree, but i want to be clear: i really love this song. it’s a song that you could fall asleep to, cry to, cuddle up in a blanket to, whatever the hell you want to do to it.

17. proud egg mouth

extra points for fitting the word “maw” in any kind of song, a feat i’m not sure anyone else has ever accomplished. also for brian actually singing with an egg in his mouth.

16. you can take that to the bank

brian does an incredible randy newman impression and i love him for it. also it’s just a good song! it’s not my favorite but it’s very pleasing to my ears and it’s well made.

15. rainbow trout eggs

i listened to a shit ton of colbie caillat in middle school and i can tell you with confidence that the lyrics “i feel so alive and i know that i’m happy na na na na na hey hey” would be in one of her songs. it’s a good song with completely ridiculous lyrics and it’s a better character/full story ballad than their previous ones, in my opinion. which is what you’re specifically here for!

14. car mitzvah

i think this is a song my dad would listen to if it came on the radio. i also think it deserves to be in an early 90s or maybe coming of age movie. brian’s vocals are fantastic in this, also.

13. dr. brims

“it’s a new year, Ha Hah!” this song is sooooo fucking funny and exemplary of a lot of their other songs that came afterwards. i’ve been saying that a lot i think. writing reviews is hard.

12. let’s make a music (theme song)

maybe it’s the emotional value of this song being the song i associate most with the podcast, since it’s the theme song, or maybe it’s just really good. (spoiler: it’s both but mostly the second one) the episode is also really funny in general and if you’re new to the podcast and don’t care about order, i highly recommend this one first! 

11. heartbreak in michael’s

a very very very good sad gay love song and i recommend it to the ends of the earth! because this is the internet, and i can!

10. arbor day!

you try making a horny song about deforestation.

9. why don’t you like our song title?

such a fucking bop and showcases their skill for just doing whatever the hell they want and STILL making a fantastic song or video or whatever. they just stop saying words in it and it does not take anything away from the song. could you do that? i mean...maybe! but for the sake of this review and my point i’m gonna be like fuck you no you couldn’t. moving on.

8. akimbo

the backing track in this is ABSOLUTELY what makes the song. plus that one video of brian strutting but technically that can’t affect my review of the song because Technically it’s not part of the song. anyways it’s really peppy and fun and enjoyable and Good.

7. heartbreak in michael’s (reprise)

it’s the perfect finale song. like, it genuinely sounds like the song that plays at the end of a romcom after everything’s finally worked out. i Did cry when i heard brian sing the theme song at the end but that’s just because i’m a sentimental son of a bitch. so besides that ending bit that i can(’t) guarantee will make you tear up at Least, it’s really fucking fun! it’s upbeat and happy and i think they made the right song to go out on. or to go on a hiatus on, if brian’s website is to be believed. i don’t believe it, but hypothetically, y’know? hypothetically...

6. debutaunt ball

if the met gala doesn’t make this their theme song i will personally burn next year’s event to the ground, i swear to god. also it’s a good song to show off both jonah and brian’s range. it’s not like a lot of their other songs but it’s SUCH a banger and i adore it.

5. madame zamporium’s wax emporium 

fuck yeah. learning that the “ooh come on baby” from several unraveleds came from a let’s make a music is the reason i finally started listening to the podcast in the first place. but BESIDES that, since that’s not a reason for my ranking (just a fun little fact about me!), this song slaps a ridiculous amount. they went insanely hard and it’s the first song they made that really sets the tone of the podcast, which is: great comedy, great high production music. 

4. alan rickman’s edible zoo

GOD! the anti-celebrity, anti-capitalist rock song i’ve been waiting all my fucking life for! also it’s anti-america but only in one lyric. but in Another sense....throughout the whole song. PLUS, and most importantly, it features jonah’s literally and i mean LITERALLY impeccable alan rickman impression. like, it’s fucking bulletproof. alan rickman was in the goddamn room. 

3. horsecar!

look. when this song started playing for the first time i went...fuck no. in general i don’t tolerate country or cowboy songs very well because they just don’t sound appealing to my ears most of the time. i put up with country road only because of a funny mario edit someone made of it and now the original song has more value to me. this is relevant only because the same thing happened with horsecar! in that the chorus KICKS ASS. i may make a post on just my favorite lmam songs and also this is already a crazy long post so i won’t go into it too much but i will say this. the shock value of going from the first verse in this song to the chorus is...........Incredibly high and it Works So Fucking Well! it literally makes the song. and not even just for the short term value of Oh My God That’s A Twist, it lasts through the whole song. i’m listening to the song as i type this and i’m currently at the country/cowboy part and i don’t hate it because i know the chorus is incredible. in fact, i’d argue that the chorus on its own may be the best thing lmam ever made, even better than my two actual favorite songs of theirs. i’m definitely going to have to make a full post on this. (SIDE NOTE: BRIAN’S VOCALS ARE FUCKING CRAZY AND HORSECAR! IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF THIS. his goddamn RANGE!! SIR!!! his falsetto is literally ridiculous my pants are OFF)

2. dragon me to this wedding

this is what i meant when i said there’s an exception to the “i’m not generally a fan of full story ballads”, because this is one of my all time favorite lmam songs. as in, it’s in the top three. which i guess you can tell from it being number two in the top three. in fact, it’s probably one of my favorite songs in general. the first time i listened to the episode i went back and listened to the song again three times in a row, and all three times i cried real tears. it’s GAY it’s REALLY PRETTY and i LOVE IT. 

1. save 2 4 tony

so we’ve finally made it to my all-time favorite lmam song. maybe it’s that i recently graduated myself and so this song hits a little harder, but it also just GOES hard. i genuinely think they peaked when they recorded this. it’s one of those bdg songs where you’re listening to it, you’re just chilling, and it’s like “yeah wow this is nice!” and all of a sudden he hits a falsetto and you go “oh FUCK that guy can SING!” literally his vocals in this are incredible and it’s very fun (and on brand) that the Oh Fuck moment here is the line “tony hawk babeyyy!” plus jonah killed it on the backing and composition and everything. it’s the best let’s make a music song and i won’t take constructive criticism.

[let-me-make-you-proud]

Tangled: The Series Q&A with Kait.

This is a recapitulation from today’s (September 14, 2019) Questions and Answers session with Kait on the Tangled Discord Server.

Q: Which Disney princesses outside of Tangled the series can you see Varian being friends with? Nonfranchise ones included.

A: I think Belle is the first one who comes to mind!! She’s super studious and goes against the grain…not to mention her father is an inventor who’s a little off-base! 🙂 I think he’d be super comfortable experimenting with Belle and her dad and reading awesome stories! (Maybe even sharing the Tales of Flynn Rider with her! …Assuming she hasn’t read it! Haha. ) He could also eat ham sandwiches with Anna. Sorry. Second thought. Lol!!

Q: So Kait, as a storyboard artist on the show what kind of little details, quirks or creative touches did you or any other artists put into Varian scenes you or others storyboarded?

A: Ha!! Any acting scene with Varian I had…I pretty much based off of Anna Lencioni (my best friend/ another board artist on the show.) Anna makes these very specific expressions and she gestures to herself a lot and closes her eyes and creases her brows and says things like “A-huh! Actually…” or “Um!!” Before making a point and it’s always reminded me of him.

She kept a “flynnolium” prop from Halloween with green goo in a vial in her cubicle at work so long it grew mold. She said she was studying it. She found scrap metal in her boot one day. She has a basement lab for her experiments and crafts. She befriended two raccoons at her last apartment. She is the most accident-prone person with freckles I’ve ever met…she’s pretty much him.

Jeremy Jordan’s reads give you so much to work with…and I love that character so much I feel a natural sort of understanding of how he might say something or do something…but Anna would always do these specifically Anna things that I had to use for Varian.

Q: Do you have any specific advice for aspiring storyboard artists or people who aspire to work in animation?

A: Gestural drawings help you learn to draw fast…which is a very important part of storyboarding. I would say storyboarding‘ s biggest requirements are clarity and speed. Lots of productions have different requirements in terms of what they look for from story artists. Tangled‘s leadership cared a lot about drawing skill, animation, layout, etc. because it more strongly informed the animation studio to have those things. The show I’m working on now (Monsters at Work) is a 3D show…so for our production, the emphasis is more on story and speed. We pitch ideas more than we pitch drawings…so clarity is important and acting is too, but we’re far less precious about tying down drawings and animating since we shift into the 3D production pipeline after story. The boards are still very important…but the more technical aspects are a *little* less so. The focus is just more on story and character and what the board artists can bring to their scenes.

So I’d say just practice drawing…maybe try and give someone a prompt or ask a friend for one. Choose a theme! Maybe vampires? What’s the worst thing that could happen to a vampire? What’s the best thing? What’s the funniest thing? What if they were also an alien? Or fused with a werewolf? Or chained to one? What would happen? Giving yourself a starting point for an idea will inspire you to explore all the possibilities for humor, drama, etc. in that idea. If you’re struggling to give yourself a prompt, try looking online…or maybe choosing a song you like or a passage from a book for inspiration.

There’s also this really fun thing you can do to study cinematography and shot composition called a “three tone” exercise. Basically…put on your favorite (live action) film, grab a sketchbook, grab a black and grey marker, and use the white of the page for your third tone. What you wanna do is (as you’re watching or while pausing) sketch a small thumbnail using only three grey tones of what you see on the screen. Draw the shot- where the characters are, try and duplicate the lighting…it teaches you a lot! 🙂 (Phew!)

Q: Do you have any fun non-spoiler head canons about Varian?

A: I think his favorite dessert is apple pie and I think he bakes recreationally very often! He’s probably a good cook. (Though he may have one or two minor accidents……a burnt thing here and there. Minor oil splatters….haha!!)

Q: What’ve been your favorite episodes, both to storyboard and in general? Of course, no specifics if it’s S3

A: Haha! Well…What The Hair and Queen for A Day have special places in my heart because they were such big moments for my favorite character…(Varian, haha.) But I’d say the episodes I had the most fun boarding are all in season 3!!! Which is exciting! I have to start compiling some work to post! 🙂 I think the episode I had the most fun with is one you guys will really enjoy.

Q: Will we get some interesting surprises (In Season 3)?

A: Without any spoilers- absolutely!! The show is always full of those.

Q: So We’ve heard many fans express why they love Varian as a charcter before, I’d love to know what drew you and Anna to Varian as well and why you guys personally found him to be a great character.

A: When Shane Prigmore originally pitched the character to me, he was much younger. He was like 11 or so, I think? Maybe 12? He’s still pretty young…but what Shane said was that he wanted him to go from this wide-eyed kid to this dark, angry person whose bangs fell over those wide, bright eyes…just full of rage. That idea was super interesting to me…it just hit on something in character development that I felt like I’d never exactly seen before? He was so young and it was such an interesting idea to me to make a child the villain and to give that child a strong reason to be angry? It felt like it was taking this child very seriously, which I appreciate. It felt very real and very dark.

The thing that threw me through a loop but also evolved my fascination with the character was Jeremy Jordan’s casting. I listened to a lot of the auditions they had for various actors and I had seen a ton of Shane’s concept art of the character…a lot of them were VERY different than what we have now. One version Ricky Roxburgh (writer) contributed to had Varian cast as an adult in the story. But when I heard Jeremy I felt like I totally understood who Varian really was.

He was a well-intentioned disaster with unchecked emotions. That. Is me! Haha!! I see myself in his imperfections, his emotionality in spite of his creative and often intellectual thinking. He wants to ascend to these levels he may not be ready to ascend to…he feels this need to prove himself and seek validation. I don’t know, I guess I relate to that! And I’m just a sucker for good guys gone bad. The other half of this, of course, is that he’s very charming and cute and super reminds me of my best friend, Anna Lencioni.

Q: Which character do you most like seeing interacting with Varian?

A: It’s a little spoilery for me to reveal that……..but I think you guys are gonna know when it happens! Haha!

I can’t wait to post THOSE boards

That’s actually right out of the episode I think I liked boarding the most, haha.

Q: If there was one prop (furniture, object, the like) from the Tangled series that could be made real and you could keep, what would it be..?

A: I think it’d have to be those little alchemy orbs that Varian throws? They just suddenly clean the whole castle hallway somehow and like…could use me some of that. He also has the one that removes stains from tablecloths, so. I’m sloppy. That’d be a big help. Haha!

Also his staff is pretty cool 😉, I boarded/created that staff…David Lee (prop designer) did its final design…haha

Q: I have a question about a scene in season 1. When Varian got back the first part of the scroll he mentioned that it took him a while to translate it. Has he really been able to read it or has it been a bluff?

A: Varian can indeed translate what’s on the scroll. 😉

Q: Do you have any networking advice for those trying to get into the animation industry?

A: Post your work!! Make it easily accessible, tag it well, just show what you’ve got online! Upload boards, animatics, drawings, etc. Creating an online presence can really help put your name out there. Apply for internships, jobs. I know it’s hard to network because a lot of industry professionals don’t have time to answer specific questions or give portfolio reviews…so it’s sort of important to take some initiative on that and be self-motivated.

For me, I studied the portfolios of Disney feature story artists, CalArts students, etc. and tried to structure the presentation of my work based on that. Also, it helped me get a sense of what pieces of work would best showcase where I was trying to go and what I was trying to do. I’d ask yourself those questions as you develop a portfolio and artistic voice online! 🙂

My first feature job after a trainee program in New York at Blue Sky happened because Doug Sweetland (Pixar animator, feature director, awesome dude) found my work online and liked it. He just reached out based on that!

Shane Prigmore actually reached out to me for Tangled similarly.

Q: Besides Varian, do you have a favorite character that you’ve boarded?

A: I always love Eugene. He’s the second character I think I’m most like. His acting was really fun to play with and I felt like I could push his expressions a lot because he’s so funny. I loved boarding Lance too (I boarded a lot of Lance in S3!!) but MAN was he hard to draw, haha! His face shape is just really hard to draw at certain angles.

Q: With Varian cosplay that is going on, what Disney character would you like to see Varian dress up as next?

A: Jack Skellington! Halloween is afoot. Jack is another well-intentioned disaster. Guess I have a type!

Q: What’s Varian’s opinion on raccoons, are they his favourite animal?

A: I imagine it’s because Ruddiger is always finding interesting things in the trash and giving them to Varian to use in his experiments. Also, they’re fat and cute.

Q: There’s a bit of an argument going on over how many freckles Varian has. Can you confirm how many he has?

A: Ha!!! Yes…one second… 14!!

Q: How big do you think Corona is? Like Vatican City small or Arendelle big?

A: You know, with the wall and all, it actually feels a little on the smaller side to me? I’m sure there’s a little bit of discrepancy between the movie’s version of Corona and our version…but based on where we went within Corona on the show, I’d say it feels on the smaller side.

Q: Are there any non-spoiler Varian scenes or moments that didn’t make the cut that you can share?

A: MAN. Yes. There is one scene that changed after I rolled off the episode and I’m very sad about it. I’ll post it after the episode airs! There was also a line of Varian’s that I boarded to a specific read from Jeremy Jordan and that read was not chosen in editorial later so…I’ll post that one too, haha!

Q: What is your favourite song from the first two seasons so far?

A: All my favorite songs are in season threeeeee…hahahaha!! I think Let Me Make You Proud or the Buddy Song are my favorites. Buddy Song still gets stuck in my head now and then.

Q: What do you think Varian would order at a drive-thru? Specifically at chipotle 😂

A: Chipotle isn’t a drive thru!! Hahaha He’d get the kid’s quesadilla from chipotle. I think Varian is a fries/chips kind of person…something to snack on while he works! He probably also likes milkshakes.

Q: (Continuation from the question above) Chocolate or vanilla?

A: He’d revolutionize by combining them both. FOR SCIENCE!

Q: What is, in your opinion, the most challenging part of varian’s design to draw?

A: His goggles, hahaha. Or just his…hair in general.

Well it’s funny too because when you board these guys, you get used to doing a shorthand for them and then when you go to draw them FOR REAL you realize how complicated that actually is and how wrong your shorthand actually was? Hahahaha

Q: is Varian ticklish at all?

A: I feel like Varian, Eugene, and Lance are all equally ticklish. To the point of absurdity. Cass would fight it as long as she could…but when it finally got to her, she’d laugh uncontrollably. Rapunzel, she’s the TICKLER.

Q: What do you think Varian opinion and belief on magic is now that he’s seen it with his own eyes?

A: I imagine that he certainly believes in it now and no longer underestimates its powers…but I imagine he’s ultimately more comfortable staying in his own lane and working with worldly properties!

Q: If Varian would have been able to meet Demanitus…how would their conversation had looked like?

A: I feel like Varian would have had a TON of questions about his legendary device and whether or not he truly traveled dimensions.

Q: Did Varian have any other friends in old Corona before he met rapunzel?

A: Probably not many…he’s a bit of a hermit. I think Ruddiger is his best friend……. It’s sad but I also think that’s kind of why it hurt so bad when Rapunzel wasn’t able to help him. Also why he was SO excited to have Rapunzel, Cass, and Eugene come visit.

I think the village looked at Varian as a little unstable or worrisome. I’m sure everyone knew he was very nice…but they were likely very unnerved by his inventions.

Q: Do you think Varian ever tried to synthesise gold or the elixir of life like a real alchemist?

A: I’ve wondered that myself!! I think his alchemy has proven to be more about other people…helping others, making people proud. Maybe if someone he cared about was in need.

Q: If you were to meet Varian in real life, what would you say to him?

A: What elixir did you make to get THAT kind of volume? His hair’s so POOFY! Honestly, I’d probably just give him a hug.

Q: How much does Varian know or remember about his mom?

A: I’d say about as much as the photo of her on the wall.

Q: Is there spoiler about his hair streak? Or is it just by design?

A: It’s totally by design. I think it’s safe to assume it’s probably the result of some lab accident!

Q: In what ways is Jeremy Jordan like Varian?

A: I don’t know Jeremy Jordan personally, haha! But I think a lot of these inflections he adds to Varian sort of off the cuff probably come very naturally to him. I know he often wants to do his own pass at the musical arrangement Alan Menken writes…like he’ll want to do something a little different, in his own way, and it will change the song completely!! In an awesome way. That’s a little Varian-esque. In the “Let Me Make You Proud” reprise…Alan Menken had sung that “they are going to pay…they…will…pay” all in a low, downward tone. Jeremy wanted to scream it and make it powerful and angry and loud when he said “PAY” and you could just hear the spite in his voice for the “they will pay.” Genius!

Q: What was the most shocking moment/revelation of the series to you (minus anything season 3)?

A: It’s hard to say because I knew most of what was going to happen long, long ago. I think one of the things that made me go “oh dang!” was something Tom Canfield boarded. It’s that part in Destinies Collide where Lance slices the entire statue down the middle with a sword. What a BAMF!

Q: What were your thoughts on the early concept of Varian having an apple orchard and being a farm kid instead of a young alchemist?

A: He still kinda has those things! Quirin is a farmer as well as the village leader and there are apples on their little farm estate! 🙂 I think that makes Varian very unassuming as a mad little scientist. I’m sure that’s how (Ruddiger and Varian) met! Remember, he used his purple tacky goo stuff to catch raccoons so they wouldn’t eat the crops! And Ruddiger’s favorite snack is apples. 😉

Q: What is his official height and weight?

A: Smol.

Q: How did you guys come up with Varian’s name? And was there any other name suggestions for him before the name ‘Varian’ was chosen?

A: I’m not sure who came up with that name, actually! I’m sure it has something to do with the meaning of the word “variant” which means something that varies, changes in form.

Q: What’s his last name?

A: His last name!! I have NO idea and it bothers me!!! A Disney magazine referred to Varian, Ruddiger, and Quirin as “The Ruddiger Family” and I still haven’t stopped laughing about that.

Q: What sad Disney movie moments would make him cry?

A: Oof. Lion King.

Q: What musicals do think Varian would enjoy?

A: Little Shop of Horrors! I think he’d see himself in Seymour! Or Wicked…you know, that villain arc.

Q: How did Arianna and Fred meet?

A: I actually don’t know off the top of my head!

Q: Would Varian enjoy rollercoasters?

A: I think he’d enjoy how they’re MADE and then scream his head off while riding one, throw up his cotton candy and corndog, and go play carnival games instead. Then get mad that they’re rigged.

Q: So what comes next for you now that the series is almost over? Any big plans?

A: Well the series wrapped for production a while ago! I’ve been on another show for almost a year now! 🙂 I’m working on the new Disney+ show Monsters at Work as a director! It’s an awesome, awesome show…totally next-level…I’m shocked that I’m getting to be apart of something like this. It’s a direct sequel to the movie that serves as an office comedy (a la The Office, Parks and Rec) and has so many characters that fit immediately into the Monsters Inc world. Monsters Inc is my favorite Pixar movie…so I literally come to work and leave work on the same high! It’s an awesome, awesome show with a great crew! 🙂 It’s also just really exciting to be apart of the first original animated property for D+!

Q: How would you compare working as a director to working as a storyboard artist?

A: It’s hard work, just as hard, but in a different way! For me personally, I’m a little easily fatigued by drawing? I get a little creatively frustrated because my thoughts move quicker than my hand. Or because I don’t always feel like I can execute in a drawing what I’m thinking in the way that I want? Part of that is just being an artist…and it’s not ALL the time that I feel that way…but I think I have a certain stamina for drawing that I found challenging to increase.

Directing is just different! It has a lot more to do with managing a team, communication, coordinating, listening, speaking up, problem-solving, being very aware of story as it applies to ALL parts of a production. I don’t draw as often anymore. You have to consider a lot more…more people, more constraints, more difficulties, more opinions, more solutions…it’s just MORE. And you also still have to draw! 🙂 It’s very busy work, but it’s AMAZING and I love it. I feel like I’m contributing to animated storytelling a lot more in this role, actually. I love working with people, I love workshopping, and I love helping! I’m also just spoiled to be working with some great people right now. It’s a blast.

Q: Are any Tangled: The Series crew joining you on that show?

A: Yes!! Tom Caufield and Wendy Sullivan were on it for a minute, but they’ve both moved on to Dreamworks recently! James Suhr (board artist), Isabelle Gedigk (season 3 board artist), Naomi Hicks and Casey Coffey (revisionists), David Lee (props), Ricky Roxburgh (writer), and I are all working together again! It’s awesome.

Q: Does Varian, deep down, blame himself for the amber?

A: I believe he does.

Q: How do you deal with artist��s block?

A: I try to think about the intention behind what I’m doing. Why is the scene I’m working on very important to the story? If it feels unimportant or boring, how can I make it interesting? What can I do on my end to make it more inspiring or fun without going too far off the rails and still serving the scene’s purpose?

If it’s not work-related, I try and start with some fan art or something familiar for me to draw. I have a lot of scribbly Varians in the margins of a lot of my sketch documents. I use him as a warm-up a lot. It helps build my confidence to draw something familiar/ that I think I can draw pretty well.

Q: What’s the hardest scene you’ve ever had to board?

A: Oh God. ANYTHING with action. I’m not an action gal. Lots of stuff in S3. I was board partners with Wendy Sullivan and ended up getting a lot of action to board even though she’s WAY better at it than me!! It was an interesting challenge…but it was very, very challenging. Ben (Co-EP) was a great mentor to me in the scene I did for the mid season. He was very patient with me, despite my shortcomings as an action board artist, haha. I enjoy boarding for comedy much more.

Kait: Anyways, I should probably head off now! Thank you guys so much for all the questions!!!! You’re awesome! I hope you’re all super excited for S3! It’s a great one.

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[space--cadet-glow]

“Laverne and Shirley” Theory: Billy Kane is Norman Hughes

...Or, at least, Billy Kane is Norman Hughes undercover.

Okay, so I managed to get my hands on the first of the three "Laverne and Shirley" novels-- "Teamwork". (I'm still waiting for the other two to arrive in the post). I'm pretty sure they're non-canon to the actual show, but I'd like to propose a theory that may or may not also explain several in-show oddities.

Much like everything I become interested in, I tend to attach myself to one particular character (a couple of examples: Vaati for "The Minish Cap", Shut for "Go! Princess PreCure", or Jack Spicer for "Xiaolin Showdown"). When it comes to "Laverne and Shirley", I (naturally) attached myself to Officer Norman Hughes.

So, when I was reading the book, imagine my disappointment when I noticed that Hughes wasn't in it. ...Or, was he?

There was a particular character that caught my attention. Billy Kane. And the more he showed up in the story, the more my mind came up with quite the bewildering theory.

Billy Kane is Norman Hughes in-disguise. Here's why I thought so:

1. Kane is described rather close to how Hughes looks Skipping past the part describing where he and Laverne are standing, on Page 77, it goes, "...hands in pockets, was a medium-sized young man of twenty-eight. He had red hair and was wearing a black pullover and black slacks. His tennis shoes were black, too."

You may argue that "red hair" is definitely NOT Hughes (Hughes actually has brown hair), but the book is a bit inaccurate in places; including not only getting Lenny's last name, Kosnowski, wrong ("Kowalski" is used on Page 14), but Laverne's hair is ALSO-- arguably-- incorrectly called "auburn" and not blond on Page 5!

But, the other points seem to be fitting. "Medium-sized", to me at least, seems to be another way to say "chubby": the way Hughes was consistently described in the show! The ages match as well. Like Hughes, Kane's supposed to be around Laverne's age because a weird age-gap was never mentioned anywhere for either of them. And a rather small thing that's probably a coincidence: the laced shoes. The reason I even mention this is because Hughes wears black oxfords-- there's even the joke about how he would have died if he had bent over to tie his shoe when Laverne hit him with the car in "Drive! She Said".

2. Both are into detective work In fact, Kane calls himself "the house detective" on Page 77. And the very first thing Hughes does in "Fakeout at the Stakeout" was gather information and help Laverne and Shirley hide out and try and find the Milwaukee Masher so that they could get their stolen clothes back!

3. Both incessantly use Laverne's name Okay, this one's a stretch, but this is legitimately something you can make a drinking game out of. In the show, take a drink every time Hughes says Laverne's name. I can tell you right now, if you tried it with "Drive! She Said", you'll probably die because he says it EIGHT TIMES in the span of about three minutes. Meanwhile, at one point, Kane has said "Laverne" FOUR times within two pages of eachother (Pages 80 and 81). Very Hughes-like, I would say.

4. Both don't like guns As stated on Page 77 for Kane ("Actually, I'm not certain I even want a gun. All sorts of accidents can happen with guns; they're worse than bathtubs."). This is a weird one: what cop doesn't use a gun? ...Um... Hughes. Yes, Hughes HAS a gun with him at all times, but he's never shown using it-- choosing instead to rely on a truncheon (as seen in "Two of Our Weirdos Are Missing"). Hold on. No, I'm not forgetting the cop in "Dog Day Blind Dates", who uses a gun and is played by the same actor as Hughes. Here's why I'm still saying he never uses a gun: that cop in "DDBD" was never actually stated to be Norman Hughes.

In fact, in "D!SS", there's even the bit where Hughes said that he attended "Pistol Orientation"-- a class that teaches gun safety. Since he was already well-established to be a cop, that either means that it's some sort of reoccurring class that just refreshes minds, or he has some problem with guns that he needed to take classes for (which, again, would explain the truncheon in "TOOWAM").

5. "Billy Kane" could easily be a stage-name Or an "undercover" name. Which would explain why Laverne was so proud about figuring out that Hughes's full name was "Norman Morton Hughes" in "Fakeout at the Stakeout".

6. There's an odd tid-bit about not being recognised On Page 90, Kane makes a comment about how he thinks he and Laverne can afford to go snooping around to find Shirley at the Ritz Diamond, BECAUSE, "Sure, I don't believe they'll recognise either one of us". This seems to imply that either he's not from around Lake Watanabe (like how Laverne is) or he's in disguise.

7. Kane has a few things in common with Hughes's real-life actor The absolute comedic genius that is Bo Kaprall played Norman Hughes. Why do I bring this up? Well, like Billy Kane in-novel, Bo Kaprall started off as a comedian.

Both of their names have the same initials-- BK. And they both appear to go by nicknames, as presumably "Billy" is short for "William" like how "Bo" is short for "Robert".

8. Both keep information written on notepads As seen on Page 101 for Kane and "TOOWAM" for Hughes. Although, Kane keeps his tucked inside his sweater and Hughes keeps his in his back pants pocket.

9. Both don't exactly think things through Kane quite randomly gets captured by the same mob that kidnapped Shirley-- on Page 124, it even specifies, "Letting Roscoe jump him out in the woods, that was stupid". In "The Obstacle Course", Hughes (and Laverne) automatically assume that Shirley was voh-de-oh-doh'ing with Carmine while they were gone-- and when they discover that they were wrong, Hughes loudly declares, "I feel STUPID!"

10. Both try to save the day, but technically fail at it Kane attempts to distract the mob with a comedy bit so that our heroes can take them down and escape, but it's Lenny and Squiggy barrelling through the walls with their truck (don't ask) that saves everyone. Meanwhile, Hughes puts in a request for a public defender for Laverne when she winds up in jail in "Guilty Until Proven Not Innocent", but it's Shirley taking the guy who accused Laverne of stealing out to dinner that leads to her release!

11. Both are polite/nice and calm/composed Kane knocks and waits for Laverne to get ready on Page 89, and even starts off just calling her "Miss DeFazio" until she straight-up tells him to call her "Laverne" (back on Page 80). He only even remotely gets frustrated when his escape plan fails on Page 134. Then, Hughes repeatedly says "sorry" and "please" when trying to get everyone out of the apartment so he can discuss the case with Laverne alone in "Two of Our Weirdos Are Missing". And the only time I can think of that he got angry was when he got ran over in "Drive! She Said".

12. Both are (probably) not from Milwaukee Because, going off of information I have yet to mention from the final chapter, Kane comes DOWN to Milwaukee... And if I'm understanding the geography correctly-- since Lake Watanabe is still in Wisconsin (Laverne says this on Page 57), and must be ABOVE Milwaukee... And because Lenny and Squiggy's instructions include crossing something called the Owl Creek Bridge (Page 128)... This most likely places Lake Watanabe somewhere in Wood County, Wisconsin-- which just-so happens to have an Owl Creek.

And assuming that Kane was either born there or had moved there, this is similar to how Hughes was originally from Chicago and then moved to Detroit before somehow winding up in Milwaukee (as Laverne pointed out in "FOATSO"). So, technically, both travel a lot.

13. Both have a thing for Laverne And they fall for her quite quickly, too.

Kane is already calling her "pretty" by Page 91 (after having only been around since Page 77) and Hughes is laughing at her jokes and calling her "funny" within five minutes of their meeting in "Fakeout at the Stakeout". Of course, Laverne ends up dating Hughes no less than five times in-show (as mentioned in "D!SS") and Kane asks Laverne out on Page 142 (and arguably, them eating breakfast together back on Pages 92-93 could be seen as a date).

They both also like having their dates on weekends. Page 142 for Kane; “FOATSO” for Hughes.

14. Both have a thing for humour Kane was a comedian and Hughes said that he likes to "laugh at life" like Laverne does ("FOATSO"). Kane's escape plan involved a comedy routine, while Hughes still tried to joke about Laverne's reckless driving ("D!SS").

15. Kane is described as if he's important And what I mean by this is, all the other novel-original characters, whether they be plot-relevant (like the mobsters) or random bystanders (like the ticket taker or door greeter), are just described with-- at most-- a sentence, like "he's the taller one" or "the knight". However, Kane is described in-detail twice; once when he's introduced on Page 77 and again when he changes his outfit on Page 89. This is a trait that he strangely shares... WITH THE MAIN CHARACTERS. Why put so much emphasis on him unless he was an important character... ...Just like our dear Officer Hughes?

...So, yeah. Is Billy Kane actually Norman Hughes in-disguise? I have no idea- but I'd like to think so. If anything, maybe this could be a weird headcanon.

If something in the second or third novels disprove this in any way, please tell me. I haven't read them yet.

[liveonmtv]

cash machine || kth

pairing: kim taehyung/f!reader genre: fluff & humor. crack actually. crack cocaine. word count: 11.1k warnings: strong language, drinking, an unwated kiss (not from tae), unsanitary jokes (i’m immature), implied sex, vomiting extra: (fr)enemies to lovers, road trip au, rich kids au but it’s barely there also they’re on summer vacation, also this story takes place in the usa JUST to drag the trip out tbh

summary: Jungkook and Seokjin get a little problematic, you have anger issues and Taehyung is under the impression that he killed a man. Also, did you mention that you’re on your way to your unfunny cousin’s wedding? Go on a road trip from Missouri to Las Vegas and you’ll be in for a hilarious yet scary experience! 

a/n: hi! i’m just starting this account out, so reblogging would mean a lot to me. i’m a novice to writing, so criticism is welcome as long as you’re not rude about it. have fun reading (i hope)! i also have a jungkook fic planned next (:

song

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Jungkook has that look in his face, the one he makes where the person sitting opposite of him is about as depraved as he is. He’s given it to you while you were explaining to him how to scam desperate men under the preface of a faux premium Snapchat and he’s given it to Jimin when they were finishing their high school careers and decided to release grasshoppers in the principal’s office. 

However, if there’s one person that’s about as fucked up in the head as he is, it’s Seokjin. The man also suffers from SMSTS as well (Serious Misconception of Sexual Tension Syndrome, and yes, that’s quite a lot of s’s), which doesn’t hurt given the current affairs. 

While Jungkook is aware that Jimin and Hoseok are always up for a bit of mischief, he has ruled them both out as incompetents and moved on to the real deal. Jimin has these rare moments of sanity and Hoseok, as your most loyal little bitchboy, would probably tattle the situation with made-up details to you before the plan is even set in action. 

So, Seokjin it is. 

The story begins in a faraway land before Jungkook knew about the tragic facets of your family’s relationships. Though his friend group is on good terms with your siblings and your other close relatives are aware of their existence and somehow only have good things to say about them, he never thought they’d be invited to your cousin’s wedding. To be fair, you had to do some serious persuasion for your family to allow you to invite six more people to somebody else’s wedding so there’s that factor contributing, but still, the offer is out of the blue.

Somewhere along the way, you went on a tangent about how much you hate your cousin and how your aunt doesn’t have eyebrows and how bothersome it is to look at her face. Your horror stories were mostly you just being your usual dramatic self, but they also revealed that the [L/n]s aren’t what they appear to be. 

You begged and begged for them to accept the invitations, and though Namjoon and Yoongi, unfortunately, couldn’t make it, the others agreed. 

Then arose the problem of the sixth spot that couldn’t be filled. You would’ve just let it be but your parents insisted that if you’re going to ask for something, you should fulfill it until the end. It was Namjoon you’d asked to come first, but he was busy with visiting family back in Seoul, and Yoongi then declared that he didn’t feel like humoring you this once. And that was the exact moment Jungkook decided to strike.

“You want to play matchmaker?” Jin asks. And though he looks almost skeptical, his tone is definitely an excited one. “With [Y/n] and Tae, of all people?” 

“Well yes, think about it logically,” he explains as he is about to say something completely illogical. “She has that sixth spot to fill, she has no other friends and they’re perfect for each other. All the other shit we’re gonna pull is just for fun, though.”  

Jin laughs an evil laugh, always one to be up for evil schemes. Just another evil day in the evil life of Kim Seokjin. “Well, [Y/n] is Tae’s perfect mean girl. And that girl needs either therapy or to get laid, but like, same.” 

“See? You get me.”

“To be fair, I think that goes for all of us. No offense.” 

“None taken,” Jungkook agrees. “Anyways, I was thinking of a… road trip.” 

“Well you didn’t have to be so dramatic about it, this isn’t The Godfather. Though I do feel like I’ve definitely got a bit of Michael Corleone in me.” 

Jungkook shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly at the other fiend’s remark. “You can pray to god all you want. Here in these streets, the only thing we believe in is El Chapo.” 

“I— Okay…” 

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[11:05] LeBruh James: wtf is wrong with u

[11:05] LeBruh James: get help seriously

[11:06] jk the slump god: all i said was that u should invite taehyung as the 6th person to ur cussin’s wedding 

[11:06] jk the slump god: overreacting arent we 

[11:10] LeBruh James: what the hell is a cussin bitch im gonna kill u

[11:13] jk the slump god: not like u have anyone else to invite tho 

[11:13] jk the slump god: hes not that bad ur just being urself

[11:14] LeBruh James: ur literally Not helping ur case rn

[09:45] LeBruh James: none of the girls want to gooooo

[09:45] LeBruh James: fine if it has to be taehyung ig ill live w it

[10:30] jk the slump god: great he already said yes

[10:30] jk the slump god: btw we’re gonna go in las vegas at the end of a road trip u in?

[10:33] LeBruh James: HE SAID YES BEFORE I EVEN INVITED HIM…

[10:33] LeBruh James: EYE. OK.

[10:33] LeBruh James: on one hand i kind of dont want to see any of u but if ur all gone i wont have anything to do b4 the wedding so i guess im in by proxy

[10:34] jk the slump god: lovely doing business with u y/n-chan

[10:36] LeBruh James: call me y/n-chan again and I Will Put ur Dick-Chan in a Freezer-sama and then Cut-san it off

[10:39] jk the slump god: i dont think ur using the honorifics correctly tbh..

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“I don’t see how this is a good idea,” you state with a dramatic pout while looking out of the window. Your expression is solemn. 

Taehyung kind of can’t believe that you’re throwing a tantrum just because you had to sit next to him in the three-row SUV, but on the other hand, he’s kind of into it. You’re more appalled by the fact that he’s not as disgusting up close as you’d imagined him to be. Well granted, you’re being immature, but it’s your shtick so they take it with a grain of salt.

“Why’s that?” Jungkook asks obtusely. He ruined your life the moment he started calling you [Y/n]-chan and he has that bad case of crazy eyes he gets sometimes when you look at his reflection in the mirror going on right now. You’d be more understanding of his condition, hadn’t your trip started barely five minutes ago. 

“What do you mean why is that? We’re all unstable backstabbing lunatics, do you think we can survive together for six whole days?! Stranded or even in a hotel? And then the ride back to Springfield?”

“Hotel? You’re funny. It’s always been my dream to sleep in a motel,” Jin pipes up. 

“Seriously? No limo, now this.”

“Hotel, motel, holiday inn,” Hoseok starts singing. Perhaps if it was queen Britney, it would’ve curbed your temper but fate doesn’t seem to be that kind. 

“Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn! Hotel, motel, holiday inn!” 

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“So we’re not going to visit the Grand Canyon?” 

“It’s in Nevada,” Jimin explains. “We don’t have any business there except for going to the wedding. I’d be more down to do it if I wasn’t afraid that one of us, meaning [Y/n], would push one of the others, meaning you, in the gutter.” 

“Just a little visit?” Taehyung is talented at only hearing what he wants to hear. However, that doesn’t make the conversation any more productive.

“Well not to be the acrophobic buzzkill, but why are you so adamant about visiting the Grand Canyon?” This is the first time you’ve directly addressed Taehyung since the beginning of these mind-numbing two hours. Jin, hands still on the wheel, dares to take a peek at Jungkook and smile an asshole-type smile before almost accidentally crashing into a pole. 

“Watch the road!” Hoseok cries out. Everyone else either refuses to acknowledge what just occurred or decides to spare themselves from doing so.

“Jin says that he always wanted to sleep in a motel. I have another dream.” 

“To visit the Grand Canyon?”

“Not exactly. I want to take a shit in there and see if I can hear it splatter. Think that’s possible?”

“Maybe if you angle your butthole the right way—” Jimin’s explanation is cut short.

“Oh my god, you are disgusting. Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”  

“What did I tell you about El Chapo, [N/n]?” 

“What about El Chapo?”

“Holy shit, I think I’m confusing conversations,” Jungkook admits. Jin offers no more than an eye-roll.

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Tulsa is a dump, really. Unfortunate that you had to make a stop here but also you’re satisfied because your right asscheek feels numb right now. Might have to take Kelly for a walk, though.  

Taehyung stumbles out of the vehicle after you and all six of you seize each other fleetingly before making your way towards the gas station, a tense sort of silence following. You’re first to speak up. “Y’know, I’ve been listening to your voices for so long now that I don’t wanna look at your faces.” 

“This tbh,” Hoseok agrees with your most profound sentiments as per the usual. He’s quick to match your pace, trailing after you like a lost puppy, successfully getting Taehyung out of his way. He puts his arm around your shoulders casually and you give him that sardonic smile that’s only really reserved for him.

“Don’t say tee-bee-aytch out loud. I get humiliation by proxy.” 

Jungkook makes an exaggerated gagging sound before nudging Taehyung subtly enough that Jin is the only one who sees the interaction. Though the eldest had agreed with his deranged idea, there’s one thing that Kook knows that Jin hasn’t come to find out. 

Taehyung has an ongoing problem or maybe he’s a masochist. He’s always been one to internally get attached to these girls who’d never give him the time of day, who can’t stand him at all. The tragedy-comedy that is his best friend’s love life started on a rainy day in second grade when a girl by the name of Seulbi punched him in the face and he was hooked on her for three years after. 

After the infamous Seulbi, came Yeonji from the cheerleading club who blew off his invite to his first-ever party when they were fifteen. She’d called him a loser to his face and he was smitten with her for a while, too. 

And then, you appeared in his life seemingly out of nowhere. Hoseok’s catty best friend with a tongue sharper than her stilettos and lipstick that goes perfectly with her skin tone. 

Of course, he was aware of your existence prior to that accident he calls his first conversation with you—be it from the exciting yet flat-out brain dead antics Hoseok would describe you’d gotten caught up in at the time or from the sound of your heels sinking into the floor promptly before you entered math class.  You were always late but claimed that the teacher should be grateful because you cut in line to arrive at school earlier. You always had one of those shitty overrated pumpkin spice lattes in your manicured hands. 

Simply put, Taehyung likes you. Though after your disastrous first meeting during which, blunt-natured and seemingly lacking a sense of self-preservation, he called you a stuck up moron and you threatened to make an attempt at his life. With your bullheaded nature, things never did solve themselves after that one instance.

It’s not something that he’s expressed outwardly, but Jungkook knows him better than he knows the back of his hand. Unfortunately, he knows you too, even if not as well and he knows how you can’t get a boyfriend because you either scare them away or you find out they’re only after a quick fuck and some money. 

Regardless, Jungkook writes off his inner ramblings as irrelevant before turning to Jin in what could be described as a conspirative manner. While clumsily handing the cashier gas money, he whispers something in the other man’s ear and Jin’s eyes literally twinkle like he’s in a low-budget porno. 

He nods, furiously so, and the cashier simply stares at them like they’re two idiots that somehow merged into one. It’s not a pretty sight. 

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“What? We’re sleeping out here?” Your whining is to be expected by now. Had any of your friends written an actual, physical, list of all the things you’ve complained about so far, it’d probably fill a notebook. Thankfully enough, said list remained as a mental compilation of your not-so-epic moments. “What about the motel?” 

“Oh, so now you want a motel?” Jin quips back with a smirk. “They always come ‘round.” 

Despite his boasting and apparent eagerness to go to a motel, that doesn’t change the fact that you all find yourselves in a campsite. You’re not an outdoor person save for going to parties or on a shopping spree with Hoseok. And well, your surroundings are a bit too green right now.

Taehyung is the next person to speak up, with a tense posture and his arms crossed over his chest, almost defiantly so. “Honestly, if you don’t want to be here, I don’t understand why you keep coming to these things.”

“Well, I don’t understand why I had to invite your dumb ass here either. I guess the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.” 

“Yeah, I thought Namjoon or Yoongi would be more fitting for your taste of guest,” he says, outright taunting you now, as if to remind you of your failed love rendezvous with your now close friends. 

“Well yeah, but they both denied, so I had to invite you.” 

“Ah,” he gives a slight sigh and you dismiss the sadness you register in his voice as something deserved for annoying you, “that does make more sense. Lucky me, I guess.”

“Awkies,” Jungkook announces as if it’s something that needs to be announced. Hoseok simply shrugs, and though you’re definitely not looking forward to sleeping out in the woods, he seems excited to try something new. 

There’s something hilarious about seeing a bunch of upper-class kids trying to set up tents and start a fire. You’ve converted to the cavemen with Hoseok, seemingly unaware that engaging in a one-sided debate with a bundle of sticks won’t make them randomly engulf in flames while Hoseok is trying out a trick he saw in the movies.

Honestly, it’s enough of a miracle that you actually went out in the woods and helped without tripping your silly ass and getting lost among the catacombs. Granted, Hoseok would’ve been compassionate enough to look for you had you gotten lost, but you probably wouldn’t get over the trauma of being covered in mud. 

Taehyung notices you both struggling. Part of him wants to make amends with you and a bigger part of him wants to leave Jimin to scramble on his own. Not that he’s sadistic or anything, he just likes seeing others suffer sometimes for entertainment purposes. 

Anyways. 

He approaches casually, like the kind of casual where you can tell that the person has an ulterior motive that they don’t want to reveal. Hoseok appears happy to see him, like he’s a savior on a white horse, while you don’t acknowledge him that much except for a sharp question regarding what he wants. 

He greets the older boy with one of these grins you won’t admit you enjoy looking at before roaming through the pockets of his jacket. Now that you’ve noticed him wearing one, you come to the sudden realization that it is getting quite breezy. 

Taehyung has the habit of scrunching his nose when he’s looking for something and then unconsciously smile broadly after succeeding in finding it. You don’t like that you’re aware of that and you especially don’t like that you can pinpoint the repetitive action.

It appears that Taehyung was looking for a lighter, of all things. 

“I thought you quit smoking?” You simply give him an incredulous look. 

He doesn’t grace you with an answer. Though he doesn’t reek of the putrid smell, you’re still hoping that the answer to that question is yes. Instead of soothing your curiosity, however, he uses the lighter to ignite a spark in the firewood and you guess that it’ll have to do.

“Well, that was quite pathetic,” you comment unhelpfully. 

“Better than Hobi’s attempts and uh, whatever the fuck you were doing.” 

Hoseok is enthusiastic to announce that the bonfire’s ready. You watch the clumsily prepped three tents in disinterest, not bothering to defend your attempt at enchantment to him. “Hoseokie, you’re gonna share a tent with me right?” 

“Hoseokie,” Jin repeats, but in good fun, “I thought you were gonna crash with me tonight?”

You roll your eyes before redirecting your gaze towards Jimin and Jungkook. By the guilty smile Jungkook gives you, you can tell he doesn’t plan on letting Jimin out of his clown clutches. You narrow your expression and jut your lip out disapprovingly. 

“Well, Mr. Handsome,” Jin interrupts whatever you have to say with a thank you, “since you and Kook have been jointed by the assholes since we got here, I don’t see what the problem is.” 

“I think you’re just saying that because you don’t wanna sleep with Tae,” Hoseok comments obliviously. 

“What he said. Also, these crackwhores are planning something, and I’m going to find out what.”

“Well, you’re in tough luck because Hoseok promised,” Jin argues, emphasizing the word promise. He has a shit-eating grin on his face and he’s not even denying your accusation. 

Taehyung coughs once. The second time is overkill and sounds even faker than the first one. “Sorry, but if [Y/n] isn’t comfortable sharing the tent with me, it doesn’t really matter what Hoseok promised.” 

You gape at him. This is probably the first intelligent thing that you’ve heard come out of his mouth. You almost reconsider your treatment of him after that, but then you remember that a guy being half-decent isn’t something you’re supposed to celebrate. You suppose that even he looks like a saint compared to some of your exes.

Everyone notices the conflict on your face but doesn’t say anything about it. Jin admits that Taehyung’s right with a wail yet the tension doesn’t dissolve, somehow. You excuse yourself by declaring that you’re going to get the blankets out of the SUV. 

“Damn, that bad huh?” Jungkook laughs. It’s the hyena laugh that kind of doesn’t suit his face but also the one he does when he’s having fun for no good reason. 

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“I heard in the girls’ bathroom once that this girl went on a diet where she only eats bananas for three months. Like, five a day,” you explain while you munch on your banana in front of the bonfire. Needless to say, you’ve come out to be severely underprepared in terms of food on your first day. 

“That sounds like a strategy to make yourself unhinged,” Hoseok retorts. He believes your story but he’s skeptical about that banana business. “I’d never do that.” 

“Me neither. Diets are stupid, anyway, can’t a bitch eat?” 

Jungkook reaches over and high-fives you, looking at you like you’ve just invented air or some shit. “Amen to that sister.” 

“By the way, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jimin is the one to speak up this time. 

“I have quite the plan for you, alright,” Jin laughs. His next statement, however, is the embodiment of his immature nature. “But that banana talk had me all distracted.”

Everyone collectively groans. You’re not really sure if what he said would classify as a dad joke at this point; you’re now entering single-and-desperate-dad joke territory. Can’t say that you’d enjoy it coming from someone else, but Jin is Jin.

“Anyways,” he dismisses his previous remark with an easy-going smile and a wave of his hand in thin air, “we’re going to a breakfast place first thing in the morning. By foot.” 

His grin is mischievous. You think this is the worst idea he’s had yet and no one else present seems attracted by the prospect of it either, so you vocally oppose him with a raised brow. “Don’t you realize how likely it is we’ll get lost?” 

“Yeah, I also don’t wanna walk too much.” Hoseok’s always one to back you up.

“Technology doesn’t lie, [Y/n].”

“If technology doesn’t lie how come I had a D on my maths test in junior year when I used Photomath?” 

Hoseok agrees, remembering the incident. That day was truly one of sorrow. 

“Technology only lies if you’re gullible enough,” Jin now changes the narrative. 

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You sneak out of your and Hoseok’s tent with a brief explanation thrown over your shoulder. Something about getting your make-up wipes from the trunk. Hoseok mutters inspiring words of advice—be careful, it’s dark and who knows what animal puke is on the ground—and you stumble your way to the SUV. 

Shoving the keys in the hole proves to be a difficult task, however. You aimlessly jut it in, hoping to hit the correct place by some sort of miracle. This is the moment that you realize that your eyes aren’t so good at adapting to the darkness. 

“Hey, what’re you doing?”

You jump up out of pure reflex. Startled, you whip around with a bemused look on your face. You’re gonna get wrinkles, damn it. 

“Woah, girl jumps in heels,” Taehyung comments dryly. 

“Don’t sneak up on me, you idiot cokehead,” you retort. You’re not sure why you said that. He’s not a cokehead. 

“No, but seriously, what’re you doing?” 

“I’m trying to look for my make-up wipes.” 

Taehyung takes the keys from you. Without half as much fumbling as you’d done previously, he opens the trunk and you proceed with looking through your purse, only to come to the conclusion that you’ve forgotten your make-up lines somewhere. There’s now a new resolve, clear as day in your twisted mind—you have to find the supermarket you passed by on your way here and buy new ones.

“Did you find them?”

“No.” You scoff. An angry thaw and the trunk is now closed. “I’m going to buy some.” 

“Woah, calm down tiger. Can’t you just sleep with it?” 

“No! Do you know how bad that is for your skin?” 

“Well, we could find a river and you could wipe your face with the dirty water.” 

You give him a blank stare, barely suppressing a small giggle. “Do you understand how ridiculous you’re being?” 

“I’m being ridiculous?”

Silence.

“...You’re not planning to go off in the woods during the dawn of asscrack, right?” 

“The what? Yeah.”

Taehyung looks towards your tent only to see that the light is completely shut down. Hoseok must be asleep already. “I’ll go with you.” 

You roll your eyes. “Do whatever you want.” 

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“So, why do you hate your cousin so much?” Taehyung asks abruptly from behind you. 

Most of your walk has been a silent one, so far, except for an occasional grumble from you and an absentminded one-liner from him. There’s also the sound of sticks crumbling under your high-heels that’s slightly irritating. 

“Because she’s unfunny,” you reply seriously.

“You have issues.” This is probably the least significant reason someone has ever hated somebody else for, in the entire history of hatred. Strangely enough, however, Taehyung can’t help finding it endearing how outlandish you can be.

“I’m sorry, I must have Alzheimer’s because I don’t remember asking,” you snap with a roll of your eyes. 

“You know, I have a dog,” he begins dramatically. “And sometimes he shits on the carpet and one time he puked on me, but I still love him very much. He’s gang, you feel?” 

“I don’t see how that helps with my family situation.”

“I never said it’s supposed to help, I just wanted to talk about myself.” He snickers. You’re getting the most violent of urges. 

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Leering over the thin metal fence that looms over an otherwise mundane hill gives you an idea. Down the admittedly high hill, the supermarket is obnoxiously lit up. However, the hideous sight doesn’t deter you—this is what your nirvana looks like in the given moment.

With one bold move, you lift your leg up the fence and Taehyung considers you, your motives and perhaps even your life until now. “What are you doing?” 

“It’ll be faster if I go down the hill.” 

“You’re gonna break your ankles in these shoes,” he rebuts, his voice a tilted monotone. “Also, I can see your underwear like this.” 

“Perveeeeert.” This is your final taunt before you do make it over the short fence and onto the other side. Examining the hill from up close—but not before you roll your miniskirt down—you come to two conclusions. The first one is that it’s quite steep and the second one comes when you’re one step down, that maybe, just maybe, you’re a bit deranged.

With your back turned to him, you don’t get to see Taehyung experiencing the five stages of grief. There’s obvious conflict on his face and to be precise, his current dilemma is between worry for you and a lack of power to stop you. Perhaps had you turned around, you’d find the sight entertaining.

His movements are leisurely once he does get in motion. Taehyung’s plan is to simply help you up now that he noticed that you’re hesitating to go further than you’ve already gone. 

His voice cutting through the night’s silence startles you. “Hey, you really shouldn’t do this.” 

You stumble. 

As tragic as that is, there’s something else to placate you; you’ve never seen Taehyung move so fast. Not even during the blip test in high school. The rest of his actions are less endearing—he throws you over his shoulder carelessly, stumbles onto the sidewalk and drops you like it’s hot. And then your legs are a bit wobbly, but you pretend they aren’t. 

The unnerving silence remains all the way to the supermarket, then back to the campsite and even when Taehyung’s awkwardly using his phone as a flashlight in your face while you remove your make-up. There’s nothing to say, except maybe if he were to ask you a question that’s not to your liking.

(He’s not that bad.)

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Jin is in a hurry, but you’re not sure what for. It’s been practically less than a day since you started this road trip, but it feels longer. You’re conflicted about how to feel regarding that, but even so, Jimin and Hoseok’s enthusiasm is hard to ignore. 

The feline smile on your face drops the moment Jungkook basically drags you out of your tent, bare-faced and severely underdressed. Well, to be honest, you blend in with them just fine, but in your head, you’re severely underdressed. Something more boujee is usually your style, but you realize your predicament won’t magically change the longer you’re walking in what feels like the middle of nowhere. 

Tusla is gross, yes, but maybe Oklahoma is just gross in general. 

When you’re unhappy, you don’t get shy about it—honesty is the best policy, after all. So you’re going on one of those annoying tangents you like to go on like it’s second nature to you. Maybe it is. 

Taehyung drones out whatever it is you’re saying the moment you start talking about a pimple in your nostril that has hair growing out of it. He’s not particularly grossed out by this revelation, rather, he doesn’t like listening to you go on and on about everything you don’t like about yourself. 

“And I couldn’t put on that necklace you got me for my birthday,” you complain before linking your arms with Hoseok’s and feigning a sniff.

“That is pretty horrible,” he hums in agreement. “I think I have a rash on my thigh.” 

“See, if Jungkook wasn’t being horrible I could probably get some kinda product to smear on it.”

Taehyung feigns a loud yawn. Tagging along with you and Hoseok isn’t as tiring as he’d like to make it out to be. 

“What’re you yawning so blatantly for? I hate being interrupted.” You roll your eyes cockily. 

“Sorry, I almost fell asleep during this uninteresting speech of yours.”

You fume again and Hoseok reassures you with something along the lines of don’t worry, [Y/n], it’s very interesting. Then, silence follows. It always seems to end up like this between the two of you. 

“Well, if it helps,” Taehyung starts, tone breezy, “you’re still beautiful.” 

You feel your face heat up. Sure, boys have given you plenty of compliments before—you’re no stranger to it—hot, sexy and maybe pretty on a good day. But beautiful? Especially without any make-up on? This is definitely something new. 

Hoseok smiles. “Yeah, he’s right.” 

You don’t want to admit just how flattered you really are. “Of course I am.”

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You take the first thing you find to your liking once you reach the breakfast place. Actually, it’s more brunch than it is breakfast, but all that walking is making you starve so you don’t feel particularly inclined to be hung up on semantics. 

“It’s on me.” Jungkook sweeps in smoothly, giving you a flashy smile. 

“Fuck off. I’m still mad at you.”

“You might be, but not for long,” he argues with an obnoxious grin on his face. “They call it… The Kook Effect.” 

You shake your head. “I’m pretty sure you just made that up.”

“Yeah? Remember when you won a bet against Jimin and he had to call you Supreme Majesty in freshman year? And then you pretended that he did it out of his own volition.” 

“Oh, I’m not taking this from you and your dead trim.”

“My trim is fine, thanks.”

“Dead trim!” you repeat, almost frantic. You’re so caught up with Jungkook’s dead trim that you don’t notice that Taehyung is giving you a cheesy smile as he buys you your food. He looks like the greasiest gentleman alive when he hands it to you. 

“And what’s that about?”

“In junior year, at summer camp, they took away our phones because someone recorded the instructor jerking off. And then like, blackmailed him.” 

You quirk an eyebrow up at this, unsure what he’s hinting at. “Right.”

“Right. And then they took all of our phones for a month and you started crying about how your life is a living nightmare.” 

“Right…” you trail off, suddenly embarrassed as if that hadn’t happened a whole two years ago. But like, it totally was a big deal! “The no phone rule was the worst. Even worse than the public bathroom rule.”

“I did it. I’m making it up to you,” he explains. 

You feel your mouth twitch into a small smile, one that he hasn’t quite seen on you before. “I forgive you this once, then.” 

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“We’re going to a hotel after sightseeing,” Jin explains. It’s like he’s got everything figured out all by himself and perhaps with the help of Jungkook’s annoying personality. “I arranged the rooms and everything while you were eating.” 

“Quite epic,” Jimin comments absentmindedly. “Wait, rooms? Like, you mean who’s rooming with who?” 

“Yeah, I finished the registration.” He stares directly at you and then Taehyung. “You could switch if you wanted to, it doesn’t really matter.”

You give him a light glare, already having a brief idea of what he’s done, but don’t comment any further. With a sense of deja vu, you speak up again. “What about the motel?” 

“I wasn’t sure if we’re going to be passing by one today, so I thought hey! Better safe than sorry.” 

Everyone nods in half-agreement until Jin speaks up again. “Plus, you guys reek. You should shower. Couldn’t be me.”

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Predictably, Jin did set you and Taehyung up. You can’t tell what kind of game he and Jungkook are playing, however, the poor boy isn’t half as insufferable in your eyes ever since this road trip began, so maybe you should thank them. Still, you don’t trust them—their minds are as twisted as yours.

As the two of you are dragging your luggage towards your shared room, Taehyung reminds you that you’re free to tell him if you don’t want to sleep with him. “I could go to Jungkook’s room or something.”

You find the idea of being alone more unfavorable than you thought you would. Perhaps your high-school, drastically more histrionic, self would’ve found anything more pleasant than sharing a room with Taehyung. You’re a (slightly) changed person now, though. Or at least you’d like to believe you are.

“Let’s put it like this. I hate a lot of things.”

“You don’t need to tell me that, I already know,” he interrupts with a crude giggle. 

“But you’re not one of them,” you admit. 

There’s also the fact that the two of you are blatantly ignoring that you could switch with Jin and sleep with Hoseok instead.

No more words are spoken between the two of you that day. New Mexico isn’t half as bad as Oklahoma was. 

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You wake up before Taehyung does, punctually so. Rolling out of bed, you partly don’t care whether you wake him but at the same time, you try to avoid making too much noise before slipping into the bathroom. Though you’re definitely one to value your beauty sleep, yesterday’s incident left you paranoid over whether Jungkook or Jin would catch you unprepared. 

You go through your routine calmly and by the time Taehyung goes in the bathroom to take a piss, you’re ready to start doing your make-up. You stare at the foundation in your hand but before you can apply it, you hesitate. 

Do I need make-up to be desirable?

Of course, you’re aware that not all women who use make-up are insecure, or that it’s always necessarily toxic for your self-esteem. And you thought that was the case with you as well, but your doubts suggest otherwise. Swiftly, you put all of your stuff away, stick with your trusty lipstick and nothing else. 

“Morning,” he says, groggy still. 

“Morning.” You look over to him from the corner of your eye and he looks kind of dazed. “Jin says we’re staying here until tomorrow morning.” 

“Cool. Hotel’s nice. The scenery too.” 

“I guess.” 

There’s something cripplingly awkward when the two of you aren’t hurling insults at each other, you realize. 

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You’re off somewhere with Hoseok and Jin when Taehyung is hanging out with Jimin and Jungkook. Turns out their room has a nice balcony, and with the others out of the picture, there’s some kind of buzzed chatter about incoherent topics swirling around. 

Jungkook suddenly decides that it’s a good idea to start talking about his sexcapades. Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe his mind’s slipping. Jimin kind of wants to admit how much he doesn’t care what his friend does outside of watching anime and playing video games, but there’s also a part of him that’s morbidly intrigued by Jungkook’s words. Like a dark spell or something. 

“I wanted to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school,” he admits bluntly.

The other two stare at him.

“Oh really? What made you change your mind?” Jimin asks, now more awake than ever. 

“Dunno. Like, she’s more like, the bitchy rival in rom-coms, not the protagonist. I liked her, but I didn’t think I could handle her,” he admits.

“Once we were clubbing and this guy was messing with me and I complained to her about it,” Jimin begins, leaning into his chair with a fond smile on his face, “and she was all like, I’ll show him. And I was like, what? And she was like, I’ll show him who he’s dealing with. And then I was like, okay, maybe don’t show him that much.” 

The three of them chuckle. Taehyung talks for the first time in a while. “Nah, I agree.”

“You dig it though, right?” 

Jimin gives him a knowing look right after Jungkook shoots his question with a drunken smile. He guesses that since Hoseok isn’t here, he can finally admit it. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. But I can’t get things right with her.” 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s like, we’re either fighting or it’s really awkward.” 

“You’re on your own.” Jimin dismisses him with a wave of his hand. “I don’t think she hates you that much. It’s always Taehyung this, Taehyung that.” 

“True,” Jungkook agrees. “Like yes, maybe she’s complaining about you half the time and I know she loves gossiping but I’ve never heard her talk about someone else that much. Except maybe Yoongi. What I’m sayin’ is, you should give it a shot.”

“Why do you guys even fight so much?” Jimin laughs. “Whenever it happens, I like, forget what even happened to lead up to that.” 

“Well, you know me. I’m always too honest for my own good and when I hit her with some snark she starts getting all defensive. I just...” He sounds defeated by the time he’s finished with his explanation. Taehyung’s shoulders visibly slump and his frame slides down the uncomfortable chair. “I just want to get along with her.” 

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The fourth day is the first time you actually aren’t sure where you are. Save for supposedly being close to Nevada by now, you tuned out the rest of Jin’s explanation despite your previous attempts at keeping up with your location. 

Regardless, what’s important is living in the present. And the present for you right now is walking down a nameless street, in a mess of other tourists, with your pants uncomfortably sticking to your ass with sweat. In short, you feel gross. 

Taehyung doesn’t seem to be having the same problem, while you can’t even fake being unfazed. You envy him just the tiniest bit. 

A trashy souvenir shop seems to catch Taehyung’s attention. In the scorching heat and sand-yellow scenery of this town, however, even that seems more appealing. So when he urges you to go with him, you find yourself reluctantly agreeing. 

When you step in, the air conditioning of the otherwise homey shop welcomes you like taking a breather during an overcrowded party. You let an unconscious smile take over your face when you greet the cashier. She’s cute and her adorableness factor only spikes up when she practically beams at the sight of customers. 

“Hi! Please, feel free to look around.” 

“We will,” Taehyung answers offhandedly. Her gaze lingers on him. 

Most of the things don’t interest you. Actually, they’re hideous if you had to be completely honest. He doesn’t seem that enamored by them either, but you can tell he finds more redeeming qualities about them than you do. 

Your eyes almost bulge out of your face when you see the most live-laugh-love-esque decoration to exist. Like something your mom would laugh-react to on Facebook. 

The offender is no more than three inches tall and wide, a ceramic plate with a cartoony burger portrayed on it. It’s holding a flag that says two simple words: “Nice Buns!” 

You can’t tell if it’s the radioactivity of Jungkook’s cooking from earlier or if this thing is what’s making you nauseous. However, food-poisoning or not, you’re quite disgusted by what you’ve just seen. “Oh my god, the caucasity.” 

“Aw, you don’t like it?” Taehyung says with a mocking pout. “I think it’s cute.” 

“What’s wrong with you? It’s corny.”

“No, it isn’t. It might’ve been if it was a corn-dog, though.” 

You heaved an over-dramatic sigh. “You’re saying words that have no positive impact on my life.”

“I think I’ll buy it,” he declares, before checking the price and realizing he hasn’t brought enough money with himself. 

You shake your head. “I’m not gonna be an accomplice to… that.” 

“Well, of course not. This is your Valentine’s present.”

“Go to hell. As if I’d be your Valentine in the first place,” you reply sardonically before pushing him out of the way.  

Taehyung realizes something at that moment. Even outside your evident disinterest in him and his affairs, the two of you are completely incompatible. You, too quick to judge and be offended and him, too quickly to say the first thing on his mind, obviously don’t mesh smoothly. 

Neither of the boyfriends you’ve had that he’s spoken to is anything like him, either. If Namjoon and Yoongi have one thing in common, it’s that they’re both calm, collected and have a good head screwed securely on top of their shoulders. He’s not like that.

Even so, that revelation only makes the concept of being with you more alluring. 

Kim Taehyung is an idiot. But more importantly, with one glance towards the admittedly good-looking cashier making googly eyes at him, Kim Taehyung makes a decision.

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While you’re taking a shit in a nearby cafeteria, you receive a text from Taehyung. This is shocking by itself since despite the two of you having each others’ numbers, you never really text. 

[15:30] pain in the neck: im going on a date w/ the cashier

[15:30] pain in the neck: feel free to leave

[15:45] Princess Complex: i’m just gonna hang with jungkook thank god

Why is your stomach sinking?

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Once you meet up with Jungkook, you explain the situation briefly. He quickly looks you over, confusion evident on his face. “What? On a date?”

“Yeah, he just kinda left me in the toilet,” you confirm with a shrug. “Anyways, where do you wanna go?” 

It’s not like Jungkook is an oblivious idiot with the emotional capacity of your aunt’s mutated sixth toe, even if he may appear to be. But you never thought he’d call you out the moment your overly confident facade starts slipping. His gaze softens. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?” 

He isn’t examining you when he asks. No, he appears to be looking off, somewhere behind you. However, you remain ignorant to that fact. 

“Yes! Why would I care? I’d rather drink toilet water for ten years straight than spend any more time with that moron,” you snap, too worked up for someone who supposedly doesn’t care. 

“Is that how you really feel about Taehyung?”

“Yes! Yes, oh my god, let it go.”

Jungkook makes one more helpless expression, shrugs lightly, and you fail to realize that neither of those gestures is directed at you. “Let’s go to the arcade.”

“I’m not really into video games,” you lie as you run your hand through your hair, “but fine.”

“Hell yeah.”

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When Taehyung goes back to your room in the trashy motel, notably late during the night for a mere first date, the atmosphere is tense. There’s a crease in your brows when you unlock the door and obvious bite marks over your bare lips. He stumbles ahead to enter, but you continue blocking his path with your arms frigidly crossed over your chest.

“You’re late.” 

“And what’s it to you?” He’s never spoken to you so harshly. There are moments where his words bite, but never does he say them with an expression and tone that are so frosty.

“Nothing in particular.” You move out of his way, finally, and he enters. You briefly wonder if he’s had alcohol before you start talking again. “I’ve been stuck in this room for like, an hour because the keys are in me. Waiting for you...”

“Poor you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I heard what you said about me to Jungkook. You know, I’m starting to understand why you scared away all your exes.”

Warth washes over you in waves for a millisecond before it disperses into nothingness, a cold numbness that makes your back shiver. Your gaze on him is empty yet livid at the same time and he cowers under it. You’re not sure if the guilt on his face is a flicker of your imagination or if it’s genuine, but you hope it’s the latter. 

It’s never his words that are a big deal to you. It’s the way he speaks every syllable, so earnestly with truth laced in every letter, that makes you go off the hook. Because deep down, you’re aware that he doesn’t mean to be malicious or to offend, it’s merely him telling his truth.

You grab a few things impulsively with a mundane declaration, before storming off god knows where. “I’m not sleeping here tonight.”

When the door clicks behind your frame, Taehyung backs down and sprawls out across the bed. Truthfully, he regretted his words before he even opened his mouth. But he was so angry, be it with you or with himself.

It just seemed so unfair that you could blow him away time after time and yet, on his date the only thing on his mind was you. The mediocre make-out session and him awkwardly leaving out of nowhere didn’t help, either. And then you had to be so perfect, waiting for him instead of locking his ass out like he thought you would.

It isn’t the girl’s fault she’s raised to be as sweet as sugar while you’re more like citrus. He’s always had a knack for lemons, anyway.

The fact that you spent the rest of the day with Jungkook only aggravates him further, the younger’s words repeating in his head. I tried to hit it off with [Y/n] in high school, or whatever it was that he said exactly. All of this is his own fault, anyway—if he hadn’t been so temperamental, you would’ve stayed with him for the rest of the day.

Taehyung stares at the cheap lights hanging on the ceiling until his eyes hurt that night.

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Half-way through your trek to Hoseok’s room, you crumble. A sob escapes your throat and then another one. After these two instances, your tears don’t cease. 

At first, Jimin is excited to see you at their door but his smile slips the moment he realizes what a bad state you’re in. You’re practically making whale noises while desperately searching for Hoseok. 

“I’ll give you two a moment.” He gives you one final look-over and leaves with a not-so-threatening threat. “Or maybe thirty. You better be smiling and singing Toxic by the time I’m back, [Y/n].”

Hoseok rushes to hug you. “God, girl, what’s wrong?”

“I like Taehyung.” 

“Is that it? You’re a strong girl, y’know, I never pictured you crying over some pretty boy.” 

“No. I’m crying because I’ve liked him all this fucking time and I tried to run away from him because I’m scared. And he said the most horrible thing to me,” you explain as you bury yourself deeper into his embrace. “That’s why I’m crying.”

“I hope he isn’t allergic to hands, because he’s about to catch them. Actually, I hope he is allergic.” Hoseok isn’t one to ask about details. He lets you get it out of your system, makes a few promises (most often of violence) and then allows you to elaborate if you wish to do so.

You laugh, but it turns into choking considering how much snot you have running down your face by now. “He said that he understands why my exes run away from me. I mean, I— I said something rude about him first, but Jungkook was backing me into a corner and I didn’t know he would even find out about it, I just—”

“Forget about him, forget about Jungkook, everyone. Tonight is for Britney,” Hoseok commands more than he asks you.

You smile sadly at him before uselessly wiping your tears away and giggling like you’re on the brink of losing your mind. Perhaps you are.

“My 45-carat booger. Hey, let’s make Jimin do the chicken dance,” Hoseok starts off like he’s coddling you in his strange way of doing so, but then quickly turns diabolical. He throws some tissues at you and you accept them. If there’s one thing you’re truly grateful for, it’d be your best friend.

You nod, suddenly more excited than you should be. Hoseok’s right—you don’t need some pretty boy when queen Britney is watching over you.

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The next day, you’re wearing a full-face of make-up, and Taehyung notices it. Hoseok’s driving and you’re in the passenger seat, talking about some nonsense as usually do. The atmosphere is light, with Jimin and Jungkook occasionally joining in your conversation and Jin sleeping with his forehead pressed against the window.

Truth to be told, Taehyung feels like a zombie right now. Pretending that your scuffle with him meant nothing to you only convinces him further how little you care about anything that has to do with him.

“I think we’ll be in Las Vegas soon,” Hoseok announces cheerily.

On one hand, you’re happy to finally be seeing the end of this road trip. Though you’ve technically just been relaxing, you wanted to be done with your cousin’s dumb wedding and go back to spending an average amount of time with your friends. You want to forget how flippant things are between you and Taehyung, your quote-unquote friendship dictated by mood swings rather than actual feelings.

“Fuck yeah! I wanna get drunk in Vegas,” you say with a smirk. “It’s on my bucket list.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“You want to get drunk everywhere,” Jungkook corrects with a laugh. You can’t help agreeing with him. “And Jin will probably stay in the hotel and play Candy Crush or something.”

“Ew, ew, ew, a fucking millenial,” you exclaim in mock disgust.

“Jin can be a beast if he wants to. Remember when he twerked in front of the whole school on Taehyung’s birthday party?”

“Shit was wild, man.”

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No one except you, Hoseok and Taehyung himself is aware of what transpired yesterday. So Jungkook and Jin are still stubbornly placing the two of you together, yet you’re too powerless to fight it.

The hotel is a fancy one, courtesy of your annoying cousin. She’s been texting you and you sent a short message back to inform her you’ve arrived, but you haven't bothered to deal with her provocations any further. 

After dumping his luggage near his bed, Taehyung was straight out of the room and you started getting ready. And that was that. 

You feel more like yourself when you find the wine hidden in the fridge, a free present from the hotel. Or maybe your cousin’s way of making peace. Ha, as if that’d happen. 

When Taehyung comes back to get dressed, you’re already tipsy and acting like a fool.

“Drinking already?” There are many things that Taehyung wants to say to you. An apology he’s too sober to say and a confession you’re too drunk to hear, to begin with. 

“It’s pre-game,” you explain dizzily. “You know. I never told you why I hate my cousin so much. She used to bully me and she stole my first boyfriend from me. And we never got past it.”

With your trademark look, high-heels, acrylics, a fancy yet revealing dress along with whatever else you consider fashionable at the moment, Taehyung feels familiarity staring at your lopsided smirk. Though he’s gotten glimpses of other sides of you during these past few days, like how you like cuddling during the night, this is the epitome of who you are.

“Yeah,” he replies agreeably, though you’re not sure what for.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but Hoseok is waiting for me. So, this is bye-bye.” 

“See you there.”

“Probably not.” You snicker. Taehyung can tell that you’re still upset with him.

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You’re so wasted that the things happening around you aren’t really making sense anymore. While you and Hoseok were drinking together for a while, at one point Jungkook whisked him away, then there’s a blank in your memory and now you’re here. Alone. And you’ve lost count of how many drinks you’ve had. 

A man, that’s definitely a few years older than you, finally approaches you after observing you from afar. He says some sort of sleazy line—you’re not sure what it is, you’re not really listening—and offers you a drink. 

You consider him. He’s not your type at all and that pornstache isn’t helping his case but, when you look at Taehyung and see him talking and having fun while you’re being an alcoholic by your lonesome and moping about him, you quickly accept his offer. Pornstache or not. 

“Pick anything you’d like, kitten,” he purrs, in an attempt at being seductive. 

“Well first off I’m not a furry so don’t call me that,” you snap with a self-assured grin. And then you start listing off the most expensive drinks on the menu. 

This man is so enamored by you that he buys you all of them. You’re three steps closer to alcohol poisoning when you clumsily stumble onto the dance floor along with him, running your hand over his jaw in what you believe to be a sensual manner. He seems to dig it, but from an outsider’s perspective the two of you look like junkies trying to get off. 

Your experience in the club is romanticized. The dim lights are reminiscent to those few times you’ve gone to a rave and it reeks of alcohol, overpriced perfumes and sweat. You and your nameless pathetic fan mingle with the grinding crowd and begin imitating them. 

As the poet Lady Gaga once said, “redlight pornographic dance fight”. 

The act itself is indifferent to you. From across the room, Taehyung locks eyes with you and you’re not really sure why but you feel this sudden need to provoke him, even when you know he most likely wouldn’t care. You sloppily kiss your suitor’s cheek while looking at him intensely from across the room. A red trail from your wet lips makes its way down his face.

For the sake of pettiness, you might’ve gone further—I mean, you were already playing some weird game of tug-and-war but with clothes—but you don’t want to know the feeling of this guy’s lips against yours. He finds the mostly innocent action as an invitation, though, and abruptly halts your staring contest with Taehyung by forcing you into a greedy kiss.

Pushing him away, you give him a pointed stare and rejection is clear on his face. “Excuse me…” 

He’s a terrible kisser. 

Pushing through everyone that’s in your way, you make your escape through the first door you find. In your intoxicated parade, you fail to make sense of the words ‘CLOSED’ that are so blatantly taped over the entrance. So, you find yourself in front of a swimming pool. 

The cold breeze outside prickles at your skin unpleasantly, and a quick look around tells you that there’s no one around to put this in their cringe compilation. Apparently more disgusted than you’d initially thought, you puke your guts out in front of the pool. Now light-headed and somehow empty, you stare at your vomit and take a deep breath. 

“Hey, why’d you run away?” Your suitor from earlier appears to have followed you outside. You stare at your feet—doesn’t he understand that you wanted to get away from him?

“You’re a bad kisser,” you say bluntly after getting over your little trance. 

“Give me a chance to change your mind then,” he offers smugly, taking menacing steps towards you. You move away instinctively before you’re quickly backed into a wall, with his two hands trapping you in between. 

Your eyes widen with fear and you sink into yourself. If you had anything else to puke out, you’re sure you would’ve done so at this point. “I have sharp nails and I’m not afraid to use them.”

“Oh, she bites-”

The events that play out next happen so slowly, you’re not sure why you’re surprised. Taehyung appears, and you do see him in your peripheral vision, stares for a bit before knocking the guy out with a punch to his temple. He falls unconscious on the ground.

“Oh god, did I kill him?” he asks, a vacant look on his face. He imagined his first kill to be more thrilling, but on second thought, he’s not sure why he was thinking about that without being under the influence of substances in the first place. 

“I’d be happy if he’s dead, if that helps,” you comment dryly. 

“Do we dump the body in the pool or what?”

The two of you are drunk enough to consider it. Your mind is blank for a bit, before you finally speak up. “I’m trying to think of what I saw on How To Get Away With Murder, but it’s not coming to me. But like, on Blacklisted, there was this guy who like, made the corpses turn to gas or something!”

“You watch too much TV. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s called The Blacklist.”

“Whatever. Do you know how to do that?”

“No.”

“Hey, what’s going on here?” A new voice cuts in.

“You better come up with something convincing or we’ll have to kill him too,” you urge.

“Did you say something?”

“No.”

“Umm, awkward believe it yeah,” Taehyung begins, a strong start. “This guy slipped on her puke and hit his head. And he has a concussion now.”

“Man, that sucks,” the guy says. You’re relieved that he’s as trashed as he is, otherwise the situation would’ve went really badly, considering how Taehyung straight-up lied to his face. “I’ll go call someone over ‘ere.”

Once he’s out of sight, the two of you stare at each other and decide to flee the country. But then change the plan with the more economically-efficient idea to simply leave the club. 

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“Why were you with that guy anyway?” Taehyung asks. Frankly put, neither of you know where you’re going, but you’re boldly leading him through the artificially-lit streets of Las Vegas as if you’re born there. Where you end up is a concern your sober selves of tomorrow should worry about.

“I wanted to make you jealous,” you reply, bold, like everything you do when you’re drunk is. 

“...I don’t get it.”

“You pissed me off so much yesterday. And you made me jealous when you went out with that cashier. But also, you killed a guy for me, so I guess I’m not mad at you anymore.” 

“Well aren’t you high-maintenance,” he retorts sarcastically, gaining what feels like a confidence spurt because of your sudden confession. “You don’t have anything to be jealous of, anyway. The only thing I had on my mind during that stupid fucking date was you.”

You freeze up. You thought that your own attitude was what made any possibility of him returning your feelings seem laughable. Even if it’s drunk blabber, alcohol is an honesty elixir, at least in your case. “Kiss me?” 

He doesn’t need to be told twice, attacking your lips so eagerly you’d consider it funny if you were in a right state of mind. Still, your reciprocation is just as hungry, so maybe you don’t have any room to laugh. He is indulging you, after all.

The wipeout that happened at the club happens again and you’re left to wonder how things escalated. From teeth clashing against each other in pure excitement, you’re left hovering over Taehyung’s form and straddling him unsteadily.

He reaches under your already high dress and the glimpse of your panties seems to excite him. “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this,” he admits breezily. 

You smile, a teasing one, adjusting yourself better. “You don’t need to be so dramatic about it, it’s just underwear.” 

“Dramatic is how many times I’ve jerked off after we went to the supermarket and you flashed me.”

“Ewwww, we shared a bed like three times, freak,” you scold and he pouts when you distance yourself from him. 

“I was just trying to be funny!”

“Not funny. Didn’t laugh. It’s better when you don’t talk,” you instruct before leaning down again to kiss him. At least he’s having fun with groping whatever he can get his hands on. 

“You’re so annoying it turns me on. Always whining, it drives me nuts how much I really like you.”

You snicker. “Well, I sure am feelin’ the love here.”

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When you wake up, you register three things. Four, actually. First—your left shoe is missing. Second— Taehyung is knocked out cold next to you. Third—you don’t know where you are, except for the fact that there’s a garbage bin next to you. Fourth—your head is throbbing with pain and you’re so sore you’re not sure if you can walk. Needless to say, you had the wild night in Vegas you wished for in your bucket list, and you only half-regret it.

You see your shoe discarded near you and nudge it with your toe for a bit before finally gathering enough power to sit up and put it on. Or so you think, because the moment you’re propped in a standing position, you vomit like you did yesterday. 

Speaking of yesterday, the only thing you remember is that you and Taehyung were convinced that he’s now a murderer on the run, confessing your feelings for each other in an anti-climactic manner and then having like seven rounds of public sex. 

With a recap of yesterday’s events, you digress and put your shoe on before reaching in your purse. Surprisingly, you haven’t been robbed. Fishing your phone out, you come to the conclusion that you’ve been knocked out cold for way too long. 

Hoseok has generously spammed you with seventy texts, but you don’t bother to read them, already assuming that the gist is something about where the fuck you and Taehyung are. Instead, you call him immediately. 

“Hi,” you greet casually.

“[Y/n]! Where the fuck are you and Tae? We were so worried. Jin almost declared you two missing. But on the positive side, Jungkook didn’t care because he got food poisoning yesterday at the club.”

“I don’t know where we are, but he’s with me.”

“What do you mean?!”

“I’ll send you my location. I don’t have money for Uber, love you, kisses and hickeys,” you say in one breathe before hanging up quickly and doing what you said you’d do. 

At first, you thought this road trip was an opportunity for you to grow and mature. However, after yesterday’s shenanigans, you’re almost convinced your sociopathic tendencies are now higher by 5%. 

You start shaking Taehyung until he wakes up and swats your arms away. Now upon closer inspection, while you’re aware that you look bad right now, he’s not looking too hot either. The lipstick marks you had left on his face make it look like you’ve either slobbered all over him or that he’s a vampire, you’re not sure. And you’ve bitten him so much somebody could think he got attacked by a racoon judging solely on those bruises.

You quickly explain the situation to him as you’re fixing up your bra and top. Considering the fact that you were bordering on nip-slip territory, that was your priority. Smoothing your dress is easy enough, but your pantyhose is mysteriously ripped in some incriminating places.

He reaches out, rips out the fake eyelash that was pathetically hanging off the corner of your eye and throws it away. You take care of the other one, wipe off your ruined make-up and then wipe off the lipstick on his face. 

Your head hurts so much that you don’t know what to say to break the silence. Though you also don’t doubt that he’s in the position, and so, for the first time it doesn’t feel awkward between the two of you. 

“Hey, [Y/n], are we like… dating now?”

“I think so? You can be my date to the wedding if you want.” 

A dopey smile takes over his face. You realize you’ve made someone this happy before with merely being yourself. It fills you with a kind of warmth you’ve never felt before.

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“Your cousin won’t stop calling you,” Taehyung emphasizes as you’re pointedly ignoring your ringtone while you get ready. Considering the atrocious state both of you came back in, the process taking longer than usual shouldn’t be a surprise. Especially since you had to take turns for the shower.

Also the part where the two of you got into a fight over who should go in first—your thesis being arguably stronger once you mentioned the mud ingrained in the left sole of your feet—only slowed you down further.

“I know right? Can’t this pregnant moron get a life.”

“No, I think she’s calling you because we’re late to the wedding,” he elaborates. “You should pick up.”

“But I hate her!”

“You can roast her at the wedding and I’ll hype you up if you do what I ask.”

“Oh my god, promise?” 

“Promise.”

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“Look who finally showed up,” your cousin greets you with a tight smile. You can only return the sentiment as Taehyung dumbly trails behind you. 

Well, as much as you don’t like your cousin, the wedding is certainly nice. With a light atmosphere and a fancy ceremony, he can’t pretend he hates it—that much is certain. Though he can also tell that it’s a lot of money wasted on food that doesn’t look appetizing in the slightest the more he examines the buffet.

“I see you’re not wearing the dress I shipped to you. Is it too tight, perhaps?” She’s smiling fakely and sweetly as she waits for your answer to her provocation. Of course it’s too tight; what else could it be when she picked it two sizes smaller than what you usually wear. And she did it on purpose too.

Despite the rather mundane conversation happening, the tension is thick.

“I’m going to be quick. You look like a greasy manatee.” You give her your own uptight smile before strutting away, cueing Taehyung to follow after you.

“Pregnancy-shameeeeed,” he yells out as he offers her finger guns and speed-walks in your direction. 

Once he’s caught up with you, he speaks up again. “I know you could’ve been more brutal than that.”

“Oh please, I’m sophisticated, I’d never engage in some barbaric behavior.”

You both burst out laughing at your blatant lie. 

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

“Do you think they’re dating now?” Jin asks, looking at the two of you as you dance and joke around. Though he imagines that you could only be having a deranged conversation, one that isn’t as sweet and lovey-dovey as it might look from an outsider’s perspective, it’s still quite disgusting how smitten Taehyung looks with you. 

“I don’t care,” Jungkook answers. Him saying he doesn’t care is a metaphor for how much he doesn’t care about anything after his food poisoning.

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Oh definitely. I saw them making out near a garbage dumpster when we were driving back to the hotel.”

Seokjin chokes.

[jaypelt]

Cheers for Five Years of Undertale, and its Everlasting Effect on Me

Been a while since I’ve done one of these... I might even be rusty at it! Honestly, what I’ve got right now are more vague thoughts than coherent words in my head. I wasn’t sure if I’d even do this, since I felt it wasn’t entirely necessary. Everybody had so much to say! But spurned on by the display of someone very close to me, the cogs in my head couldn’t help but start turning for me too. So here I am. This isn’t going to be easy, though. Because if you read this, I need you to understand the depth of my feelings. Even if just a little. So I’ll do my best to bare my heart yet again, for the sake of it and everything its done for me. Everything it’ll keep doing for me.

The beginning is usually always one of the hardest parts. A blank space devoid of anything, that you’ve got to somehow miraculously fill with thoughts somebody else could understand. But Undertale is rarely a subject I ever have to struggle so much with. It’s been a long, long five years.

This is re-treading old ground that a number of those who know me are already familiar with, however, I don’t think this would be complete without it. But it will get very, VERY personal. If you’re not comfortable with that, then uh... giving you another warning now. But pushing forward...

Right before UT came out, I hadn’t begun to really unravel quite yet. But I was very close. It was somewhat of a rough transitional period as I moved on from my middle school to high, losing very dear IRL friends and generally continuing to struggle with school, as I had been for years. Untreated ADHD is real nasty. But I’d always had at least some friends, either online, or ones I made throughout the year, to rely on. And I didn’t really think about things. The start of this school year was no different. Even having a... perhaps questionable choice of boyfriend, but, well, he was my first.

I struggled with just about every aspect of school from basically the start, but having a small group, and especially an online partner to come home to everyday, helped me at least get through. In the coming months, however, I’d start to encounter more turbulence. Through aforementioned partner, I met someone who’d come to rely on me far more than he should have. Made even worse by the fact that he was a full grown adult while I was only 14, which will be a recurring trend. And has been for most of my life.

We hit it off pretty quickly, becoming good friends and talking to each other outside of mutual friend spaces. And through that, he started to open up about his problems. Living with a family that treated him poorly, suicidal urges, and particularly, an abusive boyfriend. If you know me well, I’ve probably definitely talked about this at least a little.

My daily routine starting becoming supporting this person through all of his troubles. Sitting in skype calls or exchanging messages for hours at a time on the daily. Rarely did a day go by where I didn’t, slowly sinking into an apathetic pit from overextending myself for the sake of his mental health. I couldn’t even help him improve, all I could do was just try to keep him alive. Which, well, I did. For months.

Everything else fell to the wayside as I was constantly stressed about the life of someone I cared about. Obviously my school life suffered even further. I grew withdrawn from everyone, and kept only to the few online friends I had. However, in the midst of this downward spiral, just before the ball really got rolling, a certain game came out. Exactly a month after it had come out, October 15th, 2015, I’d become interested after all the talk on tumblr about Undertale.

After watching a playthrough on youtube(I didn’t play for myself at first, a pity), It’d personally resonated so strongly and gotten me so hooked that it was something I invested a fair amount of my time into consuming content about. I grew super attached to all these characters that’d made me laugh, smile, cry... just this whole spectrum of emotions. And someone in particular, Alphys, really caught my attention after things had begun to get worse.

She felt so... relatable, though I couldn’t possibly tell you all the reasons. When I think about it, we’re not really the most similar, but something about her just hooked me. Maybe because she had all these things going on that nobody knew about. And that she lied. And felt so anxious interacting with anyone after she’d previously been much warmer and closer. That she was closer to “disappearing” than she seemed.

Whatever the reasons, the months moving further along, consuming content about UT practically became my lifeline. I reblogged heaps and heaps of posts  about it, watched videos, listened to the soundtrack, even started drawing because I’d been so inspired. When I was just stuck in this horrible pit of second-hand depression, it was the one thing that still made me happy. I started to really think about why it mattered to me and how. It’s funny, I’d read books obsessively for years before then, but UT was the thing that really got me thinking. It was all downhill from there, I tell you. Now I’m an artist and a writer. Horrific.

But, unfortunately, for all its good... it couldn’t stop what was to come. I was still getting worse and worse, with no end in sight. I’d already been supporting... let’s call him Phil, for a few months. And in December of that year, my boyfriend completely dropped off the grid for a while. I’d see him appear online sometimes and I’d message him, but no response, then right back to offline. Finally, he came back, approaching me with something he obviously was uncomfortable about.

To make a long story short, he’d come to the conclusion that he was straight, and decided to end the relationship. What’s bad is that... honestly? I was already doing so poorly that I had a hard time caring. But we did pretty much stop talking, and I leaned into Undertale all the more. Anyway, time continued to pass. Not without its few ups, and mostly downs. I got used to being called “mature”, usually followed by “especially for your age.” “Phil” told me that if I were legal, he’d date me. I’ve got a crippling fear of screwing up with people that’s stuck with me to this day, after a few occasions involving him. I considered doing some... not so great things to myself. Thankfully, I was always so averse to physical pain that it didn’t become anything extreme.

As for the few ups, there was “Phil” finally managing to leave his abusive relationship, when he’d tried previously and fallen into such a bad depressive episode I had to talk him down. So that was something. He’d even started going to therapy after the second break up.

Not that it did a whole lot. The school year began approaching its end and nothing had really changed. I’d been going through all the same motions for around half a year or more. My sleep was terrible, I was passing almost none of my classes, had practically no friends to speak of, and just felt... tired. All the time. But during this... the minute beginning of a monumental shift started. Another character in UT had begun to clutch me in his grasp. Even more strongly than Alphys. Flowey. Through the posts a singular person on tumblr had made about him and my experience with the geno run, I came to understand the dumb little flower more. Which is also funny, because he was previously my least favorite. Even, yes, after the Asriel reveal.

I’m having a difficult time weaving together this convoluted timeline of events, but it was around... perhaps March or early April that the person whom I’d been supporting for almost a full fucking year completely disappeared. Without a word. The one thing I’d tried to stick to for so long was just. Gone. So I drifted about with, well, no purpose.

By the end of the school year, it probably goes without saying that I was... not doing great. But one those aforementioned acquaintances I’d only just started to become actual friends with came forth to me with a question. That being if there was some way for us to keep contact during the summer. So I gave her my email, which would turn out to be a decision that saved my life. Because things would only get worse before they got better.

This is getting to be way, way, way too long. So to summarize, summertime came around and I’d been in pretty close contact with... I’ll just call her V. She was... well, unlike anyone I’d ever known. Someone who stood out with the intelligence you could just see in their eyes. Outgoing, charismatic, compassionate... all those sorts of things. We were opposites in a lot of ways. Or, at least, it felt like it.

Some things happened, like “Phil” coming back after months of nothing. Me immediately slotting back into my role of being a pillar of support, but then screwing up and hating myself for it. But honestly, that ain’t shit to the rest of the whole shitshow.

For a bit of context, my parents are divorced. So for most of the previous years, I’d been going to my mom’s place during the summer and staying with her the whole time, to make up for how rarely we’d see each other otherwise. That year... she was beginning to run low on money. She lived next to my granny, but still basically alone, compared to how she’d been staying with someone else in hotels for the few prior years.

After learning she didn’t have enough to pay rent and might be kicked out, she tried to appeal to her mom, who said she wouldn’t let her stay. Why? I don’t know. After that, she spiraled into a panic. And, well, the ever faithful little worker bee, I stepped forward to try and console her in any way I could. She seemed to recompose, at least a little. It wasn’t great, and she thought she’d have to do some unsavory things in order to survive, but... I thought that, just maybe, I’d done something.

But... later that night, she started drinking. Which... well, put her in a mood. Exacerbated by the day’s earlier events and the fact that she was taking medication that responded poorly to alcohol. She came over to where I was sitting, my little makeshift desk I’d put together to set up my desktop, with my little sister just in the other room. Just... a warning for this next part, it’s... grim. More grim than anything else in this thread.

She proceeded to tell me she was going to go upstairs and grab the gun my granny kept in her room. And berated me for thinking I’d done anything to help, saying she “wasn’t like my little friends” that I could simply talk to. With that, she walked away, heading upstairs. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so crushed in my entire life, to this day. I broke down crying, sitting in that chair.

Yet, somehow, I managed to stop when I saw her coming back down. She walked back over, pointed the gun at her head, and told me to give her a reason she shouldn’t do it. And also to this day, I.... still don’t know if I said what was right. It was all I could think of. I quietly told her that if she did it, I’d pick that gun up and do it to myself. Same as her. And I asked if she wanted to be responsible for that.

It was true, too. By that point, I didn’t care anymore.

And if there’s one thing I can say about her, it’s that she’s always cared about me. In a horrible, twisted way especially, that night. It was enough to make her silently pull the gun down, go back upstairs, and put it away. One last time... she came down, walked past me to the front door and simply said “I love you.” before going out to sit on the porch.

I’m not sure I’ll ever truly get over the events of that night. I spoke to V afterwards, as I’d been keeping in regular contact, as I said. And even been speaking to her throughout the day about what was happening. I think she was panicking just as much as I had been, and told me to go find the gun and unload it. So I did. Bawling my eyes out the whole damn time. Afterwards, I took the bullets and threw them in the large neighborhood garbage can.

The rest of the night’s a blur. I don’t recall if anything else happened, I just remember waking up tired the next day. My uncle was in the house, as he’d been staying with my granny for a while, but hadn’t been around the night before. I tried to talk to him, but.. couldn’t bring myself to open up. Even though we were pretty close. I went back to my dad’s.

That wasn’t the end of it, either. For the next coming months, I’d get drunken calls and live in fear of being put right back in the same situation. It got so bad that I stopped answering my phone altogether. I broke contact with my mom entirely. I still hate answering or making calls.

Anyway, a few other things happened in the summer, like my applying for online courses. And the subsequent ridicule from my dad’s side of the family for the decision. Tell you what, the stress of taking a test to try and join that online program, then going to golden corral and having to struggle to not cry in front of everyone there was... not the ideal way to spend a birthday. Happy 15 years to me.

So.... that was that. I still went through with online courses and everything kind of... slowed to a crawl. I tried to do school work, but depression and still yet untreated ADHD prevented me from making any substantial progress beyond a few finished classes. For a while I simply... existed in a limbo. All I did was get up, get on my computer, maybe talk to a few people, and play Overwatch. Maybe look at tumblr, as I remained into Undertale. V and I lost contact after school started back up. I never blamed her for it. In fact, I preferred it that way. She didn’t deserve to have such a burden placed on her, and I still... feel guilty for leaning on her so much.

But I’m very thankful. I hope she’s out there living a good life, wherever she is.

And this! Is where we finally get to the not depressing parts! And only... what, 29 paragraphs in? Sheesh... I know I wanted to really illustrate just how shit things were to demonstrate just how much UT did for me, but this is taking it a bit far, isn’t it? Ah well... already made it this far. In for a penny, in for a pound. If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! I’m sorry. Truly. And I love you so very dearly.

Time went by and I kept doing my thing. Playing Overwatch(a practically self-destructive behavior deserving a therapy, frankly), talking to the few friends I had that I kept at an arm’s length, that sort of stuff. “Phil” and I no longer talked, thank goodness. Obviously I was depressed as all hell, not bothering to shower, eat, clean up, or do laundry for days on end. I spent more time asleep than I did awake, on most days. Did I say this was where the not depressing part was? I may have lied a little.

Blah blah “more months go by”, you know the drill. Until... I believe, November of 2016. After cementing my love of Flowey ever deeper, I’d started to follow more blogs putting out content for him on tumblr. In particular, the most important ones being I’lltrytobegood, Flowey-Answers, and later happyflowey and Corruptedflora.

It all started with a stream. I joined an art stream of LLA(Lovelyladyartist) on picarto as he worked on ITTBG. I kept quiet for the first few streams I joined, being too anxious to really out myself in any capacity. But little by little, I was coerced out of my shell. Particularly by one SilverKhaos, who I think at the time went by SilverSlayer or something. Anyway, he got me talking. And through that, I started making friends, bit by bit.

Also through the stream, I was introduced to CC(CuteCatDoodles) of Flowey-Answers. I obsessively read through the entire blog in a single sitting, just... having such a good time with it. And... strangely enough, it... got me feeling oddly better. Like I’d finally started to breath after not being able to for what felt like such a long time. If just a little. The next day, I got out of bed early, cleaned up, took out some garbage, and made breakfast. Just a simple plate of scrambled eggs. A simple, easy morning for most any average person. But for me? It was one of the most special mornings I’ve ever had.

Likewise, I did the same with Ding’s happyflowey, of reading through all of it in a single night. My head hurt like a motherfucker, but I tell you, it was worth it. The effect perhaps not as profound, but still very meaningful to me, as well as sowing the seeds of yet more relationships to form. If far off in the future, as far as this timeline is concerned. I still adore all of those dumb, charming little flowers so much. Mania would come to inspire my first ever OC, in fact. Thinking about that blog makes me miss when the UT fandom was more active here, even though I never participated in the fandom at large. But I’m grateful for the memories and incredible amounts of enjoyment getting to read it all brought me. I have way too many cropped images of Hysteria.

I wasn’t immediately better, but it was all the start of something new. I kept up with the streams, also joining in for CC’s. For hours upon hours a day, I’d just hop into them and spend the day talking away. I had something to really look forward upon waking up, starting to adjust my schedule so that I at least didn’t miss TOO much. I was able to really make friends, it felt like. Even though I wasn’t and still am not the most socially adept.

And as luck would have it, because picarto chat was and probably still is pretty unstable to this day, it just happened to go down and that led to... the creation of the discord server! It started off small, but steadily got more and more joiners from the growing population of the streams. LovelyLadyArtist, CuteCatDoodles, BrySkye, Flowers-Without-Pots, SilverSlayer, KRS, Donut, Mr.Quarter, Dragoler, Stilla, Chara, RotmModdy, Rowdy, Dunal, and probably at least a few others I’m forgetting... all names I encountered there and most of which I still see daily.

Through that server, we started keeping up even when there wasn’t any stream going on. Just goofing off and having a good ‘ol time. Already I was... well, doing a helluva lot better than I had before. All because of the gathering of a small community surrounding this indie gem. And even further centered in a niche specifically about Flowey! Who, and I’d forgotten to mention this before, I’d found a surprising amount to relate in. He’d become a big, BIG hyperfocus. Which is why I’d met everyone at all. Truly, it’s crazy to think how possible it is for me to have never come down this path.

From there on, I continued to meet new people, established new relationships. I even got invited to an RP server, creatively named “Flower RP” :p. At first I was hesitant, perhaps not even initially 100% interested. But as people really got into it, I felt an incredibly strong Fear of Missing Out. Leading to the creation of a character still near and dear to my heart.... Zorch. The result of contributions from many friends, from design ideas, to character concepts, and even his name(thanks for that, Rowdy). And... I began to write. It wasn’t great at first. very short form, and I didn’t know how to approach the roleplaying mindset, or even how to properly characterize him.

But over time... I got better. I became more confident. I really got into the nitty-gritty of character writing and discussion. I joined in on hours long discussions about the characters, lore, and narrative of Undertale. I’d wake up just to be there as soon as chat began to move, all the way to the point where everyone was finally asleep. I started to be able to help people again. For months, participating in this RP, in this chat, in this community was what I lived for. The joy that I felt in being among friends all working towards and talking about a common goal and interest is, well, honestly still somewhat unrivaled.

Paci, Pots, Neue, Castor, Silver, Nightmare, Rowdy. Me. All of us joined together in mutual love for a game, spurred on to feverishly create our own content about it. I kept up for months on end, living by the mostly same routine for probably the longest I’ve ever stuck to anything. Eventually... things happened and the server’s gone quiet. We had problems with management, people feeling excluded, targeted, etc etc. It was a very... consequence heavy RP, most of us were almost complete newbies to the roleplaying game, and many came to care rather deeply about the ongoings of it. Perhaps too much. But, well... I’m not sure it could have been prevented.

Sometimes, I still wish I could go back to that point of my life. I know someone else who does too. Even more than me. But I know not to try and emulate the past, as alluring as it may seem. So I push forward. Leading to yet another server with its own events. Clement, myself, Rowdy, Zielo, Neue, Moddy, Vee, Mini, Nappy, Tia, Silver. Some familiar names, some new. All still with the foundation of Undertale, but it quickly became a thing for us to just... chill and talk about anything. There was real love in that place. It was at this time that I even started going to therapy! After some struggling with the family. It helped a lot.

In time, that server, too, went under. For reasons that have long since been buried and forgiven. It no longer exists, after being deleted entirely, but I’ll always remember it. And we did eventually all(mostly) gather back together someplace new, which is still being talked in. Even gaining some new additions recently! If any of you guys are catching this one, I love you!

And we come to the final and most recent group. One I wasn’t actually a founding member of, instead being a late joiner. Comparatively smaller than all the ones before, but filled with just as much love. Pip, Ding, Kink, and Cola. Remember when I mentioned happyflowey sowing seeds, and then didn’t even expound in further detail about corruptedflora? Well congratulations, you’ve reached the payoff.

It all started after I began interacting with the mun of CF, Kinko, and became mutuals with them. We usually just spam reblogged from each other on occasion for a while. That is, until I got messaged, then sent a friend request through Discord. Which, even still, didn’t immediately go anywhere. But eventually... some things led to another, and we joined up in a particular server. Not one I’ll be naming, but times were... turbulent in there. It went under and we lost contact a bit after that.

That is, until completely out of the blue, I just get invited to a server with them and some pals to just join in on Roblox shenanigans. Imagine me, sweating and anxious as hell after getting asked to join a server with two people behind blogs I adore, considering Ding was there too. Cardiac arrest, I tell you. And obviously more than just them too! But the night turned out to be so fun that I forgot I’d ever been so anxious in the first place.

From there on... the rest was history. There’s been many, MANY ups and downs, but I’ve found yet more people I love very, very dearly. And they’ve gotten me to open up about the way I feel the most. In the past years, I could never tell someone I loved them, no matter how much I really wanted to. The words just couldn’t come out, but they... they brought that out in me. And now I can say it whenever I want! Like now! I love you guys!!! So much!!!! And not just you all, but everyone else too!!! And much love to Kink especially for being a driving force behind me making this, as well as just being a goddamn star.

So... as a final ovation... LLA, CC, Bry, Drago/Paci, Pots, Silver, Donut, Quarter, Stilla, Chara, Moddy, Rowdy, Neue, Castor/Skater, Tia/Nightmare, Clement, Zielo, Vee, Nappy, Ding, Pip, Cola, and Kink. As well as some stragglers like Log, Ingrid, and Jai. I’m probably still forgetting some... but thank you all for being my friends. It’s been a long, long five years. And yet, many of you are still in my life. In at least some form. There aren’t words enough to express my gratitude towards every single one of you for the most incredible years of my life and pulling me from what can be called nothing less than the fucking abyss. You all made and continue to make life worth living.

And thank you, Undertale. The game behind all of these relationships.  The game that inspired such strong feelings in me when nothing else could. That made me into an artist and writer. The reason I’m still alive. The game that changed my fucking life and will continue to affect me, I believe, for the duration of it. I really cannot overstate just how important you were and still are. There’ll never be anything else like you.

[roseamongroses]

W.A.L: “Hold My Hand” (25)

s u m m a r y

Eden was the lowest of the low, a monster, hardly human, and was set to be executed. Roman was on trial, perpetually stuck in time until it was time to atone for his families sins.Neither cared much for staying trapped.So when a Stranger offered freedom, offered peace, offered power, it was hard to say no.Even if it put them on the wrong side of history.

v i b e s

time is irrelevent, homophobia who?, magic and beasts, demigods

w a r n i n g s

Imprisonment, Mentions of execution, Blood/ injuries,  Mentions of past Death, repression, cursing, some  dissociation

c h a r a c t e r s

Deceit(Eden) Sanders, Remy Sanders, Logan Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Patton Sanders, Roman Sanders, Emile Picani, Elliot, Kai, Lauren, Dot

Ship: Roceit

1) (2)   (3)  (4) (5)

(6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11)

(12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17)

---

Deceit entered with the sunrise, the bed creaking as they eased in beside Roman.

Roman sighed, turning and curling into their lap, “You smell funny,” he mumbled, voice still heavy with sleep.

Deceit arm wrapped around Roman’s shoulders, careful to avoid his exposed wings, “Good morning to you too,”

“Did you get much sleep?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Deceit sighed, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Roman opened his eyes, folding his arms to support his head, “Is there something I should be worried about?” he asked, coy.

Deceit’s lips twitched, “Don’t be nosy,” he said, not missing how Roman’s eyes narrowed, “I’m fine, just get some rest,” he added on quickly.

“I dun’wanna,” Roman pouted, all puppy dog eyes, but Deceit could hear their anxiety edging into the tone.

“Stop that,” Deceit scolded, prodding their face, “I’m fine—” another poke, “Sleep.”

Romans face twisted away from another poke, sitting up abruptly, “Okay so you’re fine,” he said, “You’re used to fine and obviously fine isn’t doing shit for you,”

Deceit met their state head-on, jaw ticking, “I’m working on it,”

“Are you?” Roman challenged, somehow managing to look smug with his disheveled clothes and adorable half-dazed look—

“Yes, I am,” Deceit gritted swallowing that mess of emotions. He was half annoyed at Roman’s persistence but he was more annoyed with the fact that he knew it didn’t make him magically be able to hate Roman. Ugh. “Even if I wasn’t, that doesn’t mean you’d be able to fix me,”

At that, something flickered in Roman’s eyes and for a brief, terrifying moment Deceit had to seriously contemplate the extent of Romans persuasion. Roman couldn’t really—

“I can’t,” Roman agreed as he tucked his legs, “I won’t.

“But…” Roman sighed, “Janus, that isn’t the first time you’ve been like… that. And I understand that you can’t just make yourself stop but, “ he paused, wringing his hands, “That doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make it better. If you’re hurting I don’t want to add onto it just because I make I stupid mistake or can’t read you right. I’m trying to talk about it now because a lot of the times when you do shut down you can’t talk to me. - you can’t say ‘don’t do this you’re hurting me’ and it’s just… scary not knowing what to do.”

“I…” Deceits chest clenched, “What if I don’t know what to tell you,” he said, face darkening, “Sometimes I want to be touched sometimes I… need to be alone. And other times… I feel like if you do stay near me you’ll only get hurt,”

“Well it’s a start,” Roman said, “So what do you need right now?”

“Need?” Deceit scoffed, “I don’t need anything,”

Roman rolled his eyes, “Okay tough guy, “ he said, “What do you want,”

Deceit opened his mouth then he froze, promptly closing his mouth, eyebrows knitted as he thought. After a few seconds he patted the space beside him, not looking at Roman, “I’m tired,” he said, cautiously, “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Okay,” Roman eyed curiously, “Are you fine with cuddling or no?”

“Yes,” Deceit said, a bit too quick.

“Yes to what?” Roman teased.

“Don’t be a dick.”

Roman smiled, crawling beside Deceit and slipping back under the covers. He wrapped his arms around Deceit’s waist, face nestling in the crook of their neck as Deceit relaxed.

The bed wasn’t as luxurious as the one in at The Offerings, but it wasn’t as cramped as the one they had prior--it was just right. Everything was new, but Deceit felt it all clicking together just right, as if maybe he stumbled onto being something of substances after all. Something that was his to choose and share, as if he had something of worth and for once the world was finally letting him be.

The sun rose steadily outside, it’s patches of light warming Deceits skin as he slowly fell asleep.

---

You don’t really comprehend being in the same house with four kids until you experience it. Sure, Deceit’s dealt with the brats, but they were all teenagers and he didn’t feel the same degree of anxiety when they were being dumbasses. Hell, he didn’t even feel comfortable saying the Sanders kids were being dumbasses because they were actual children.

After Lauren, there were the triplets; Sofia, Vivian, and Marie. All adorable and strikingly resembling their mom with thicker, kinker hair and soft, dark eyes. They apparently had chaotic tendencies, with them invading Roman’s bed and dragging him out of bed a, seemingly unbothered by Deceit’s presence if not a little curious. Deceit told them apart by how many baby teeth they were missing and how clingy they were to Roman.

Roman stood at the counter fixing some food, while Marie remained attached to his waist, “Aren’t you going to wake them up?” he asked, head gesturing back to the hallway towards the brats rooms.

Deceit dumped more sugar into his coffee, “Mm, not today,” he said, idly watching as Vivian and Sofia arranged their dolls at the smaller table-- aka Sofia bossing around Vivian who looked increasingly agitated, “Apparently dickhead is taking us on a field trip later today, so I thought it’d be best to let them get some sleep,”

“Who’s dickhead?” Marie frowned.

Roman inhaled, giving Deceit a dry look, “He’s a bad man that you won’t ever have to meet,” he explained matter of fact, setting aside a plate a food, “Make sure you eat your vitamins,”

Marie’s face scrunched up for a moment before she nodded, detaching herself and grabbing the plate. After the other two girls grabbed their plates, taking them to their table, Roman turned to Deceit with a raised eyebrow, “Really?”

Deceit lifted the cup to his lips, “Am I not allowed to curse?” he mused, leaning against the counter next to Roman.

“Try to keep it to a minimum,” Roman sighed, “Especially around Tami, she’s like a sponge,” he mumbled, picking at his own bowl of fruit.

“I thought she was still nonverbal?”

“She is,” Roman popped a blueberry in his mouth, “But she learns quick. So if she does have her first words I’d never hear the end of it from Ma if it’s something vulgar,”

Deceit snorted, “Your mouth is filthier than mine,” he said.

“You like my filthy mouth,” Roman muttered.

The two looked up at the sound of footsteps softly padding into the kitchen. Mrs. Sanders looked visibly disheveled, Tami holding her hand--eyes trained on the ground. She yawned, “Mornin,” she said to no one in particular, her eyes flicking between the two, something akin to exasperation settling on her face, “Roman, dear, I thought you outgrew sneaking boys into the house,”

“I didn’t, I just got better at it,” Roman shrugged, “There’s coffee still in the pot--” he offered, his gaze flickering down to Tami, “Do you want me to make her something?”

Mrs. Sanders rubbed her eyes, before pulling out her glasses, “That be lovely, just make sure it isn’t sweet she hates it--,” she sighed, “Also I’m not your father, and you’re not the heir anymore so you don’t have to hide your boyfriend. But,” she pursed her lips, “If he stays here, you’re going to have to use protection.”

Deceit choked on his coffee and Roman cleared his throat, face straight, but Deceit could spot the vines peeking from their sleeves, “There are seven kids in this house, hon,” Mrs. Sanders continued, gravely serious as she poured a cup, “I’m not taking care of anymore,”

“Yes ma’am,” Roman said. It was only when Mrs. Sanders left the kitchen for the porch did he side-eye Deceit, “Stop that,”

“Stop what?” Deceit set his cup down in the sink, watching them curiously.

“You’re staring,” Roman said, walking to the pantry and pulling out the lone box of oatmeal, “Stop.”

At that, Deceit grinned, moving himself in Roman’s way, “I thought you liked having my attention,” he mused.

“I do,” Roman said, easily sliding past them, “Which is why you need to stop,”

“Uh-huh,” Deceit said, following close, “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed,”

“Fuck off--I’m not embarrassed,” Roman huffed, setting aside the box.

“Mhm,” Deceit said, winding his arms around Roman’s waist, pulling them close just as they turned around, “Kiss me?”

Roman’s glare faltered before slipping off altogether. He couldn’t mask his laugh, ducking his head to close the distance.

“You do realize we still have to talk about that?” Deceit murmured against their lips, “I know we’re not in any rush, but seeing as we don’t exactly have the same biology...”

Roman’s face twisted, hands resting on Deceit’s chest, “I’m fine with talking about sex it’s just… I don’t like talking about my body.”

“I know. I don’t either.” Deceit admitted.

“I…” Roman paused at that before nodding, “Later,” was all he promised.

---

Upon seeing Kai, Lauren, and Elliot successfully break into some magical zoo in less than an hour, Deceit began to consider that maybe, just maybe, he was surrounded by criminals.

All the faceless guards were taken care of, some in soundless pain, others passed out completely, so they slipped inside without issue. Once everything was secured, the Stranger strode inside leading the way with no further comment.

The moon hung in the sky. It was almost full.

All around them silver bars glinted, the cages themselves shadowed with the peering violet eyes hidden among the foliage.

Something about this place just wasn’t right, but the brats seemed to be having fun

Lauren was talking about some rare plant she spotted and Kai seemed placated by the rippling furs of creatures just out of reach. Of course, Elliot seemed uncomfortable, but they generally were whenever they went out with the Stranger.

The Stranger stopped abruptly, head craning to address the brats, “Y’all scram,” he shooed them, “This lesson is for Deceit,” he said with a smile.

That is when Deceit knew he was fucked.. But to the rest of them, it was normal and they all took the orders without comment or question, leaving Deceit with the Stranger once again.

Once they were out of sight, The Stranger’s smile slid off. He resumed his path forward, knowing that Deceit would follow.

The further Deceit walked the more the pit in his stomachs grew. Something was just wrong. He knew it and his mind scrambled trying to figure out if he did something wrong—which wasn’t helpful since he always did something wrong, but—

The Stranger stopped in front of a dark, cavern-like entrance. It was further away from all the cages, but it still held a commercial presence with cheery signs in odd languages and bright arrows pointing inside.

The Stranger propped himself against one of these signs, popping a lollipop on his mouth, “It’ll be a full moon soon,” he said to no one in particular, “You know…” he crunched the lollipop hard, spitting out the stick, “You’ve lasted longer then I expected.”

Deceit stared blandly and The Stranger sighed, “Still, you aren’t good enough,”

Only then did Deceits eyes narrowed, “I’ve been doing everything you asked,”

“Yes-Yes I know, you’re a good little dog aren’t you huh?”The Stranger said, “Still,”

“Still?” Deceit gritted. He could feel his anger sharp through the haze of worry.

“You’re getting a bit too—“The Stranger clicked his tongue, “Distracted—now don’t look like tha--t I won’t touch your little boy toy, that would be counterproductive to our cause,”

“So what do you want me to do?” Deceit managed, forcing his eyes to unslit, and ignoring the scales searing up his sides.

“Ah,” The Stranger laughed, “Now you’re asking the right questions and as a reward for not being entirely useless—” He flicked his sunglasses down and Deceit stiffened, “I’ll ask you a different question; what is our cause?”

“None of my business,” Deceit shrugged, “I am simply a tool who will benefit.”

“Very good,very simple right?” The Stranger hummed, “It’s easy for people to get scared of the bigger picture, but aren’t you just a little bit curious?”

“No,” Deceit lied.

“Good,”The Stranger flipped his glasses back up, covering his relentless gaze, “You’ll learn soon enough. Until then you need to push yourself further and I won’t tolerate any failure,” he gestured towards the cavern, “But just in case, here’s a little reminder about what you’ll be worth to the world if you do decide to fuck up,”

The Stranger didn’t follow him into the cavern, but Deceit could feel their mocking, cold gaze the entire time. Inside were fluorescent-lit exhibits, brightly colored informational posters and those arrows and—and—it was all terribly wrong.

Because behind each glass panel, were skeletons of all sizes; some with painted on whiskers others, with ancient feathers sticking from their arms, or scales carved deep into bone.

An exhibit of dead shifters, propped and polished for the public’s consumption.

As if they were nothing but monsters.

[let-it-raines]

Not Your (soul)Mate {10/15}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

Rating: Mature

A/n: Will my posting schedule ever make sense? Probably not. Anyways, thanks for reading, my pals! You guys are the best, and I love love love you all for loving this story and these two crazy people💜

Thank you to @captainsjedi for her love and support and artwork!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list:  @initiala @snowbellewells @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @emmas-storybook @searchingwardrobes @spartanguard @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @xellewoods @thejollyroger-writer @galaxyzxstark @cssns

-/-

No part of her understands why their cable bill is mailed to her. They’re a cable company. They provide TV and internet and yet they’ve never heard of paperless online billing. It’s ridiculous. And yet the minute she’s late with her payment she gets an increasingly nasty series of emails that shows they obviously know how to use the internet. And since Storybrooke Cable is the only company that provides internet in a sixty-mile radius, it’s not like they don’t have the funds to set up a website. Hell, she’ll take a class and learn how to program the website for them if she has to.

Well, probably not. That’s all a little dramatic, but she really hates having to go down to the mailboxes in the basement to get her mail so that she can go upstairs and write a check and buy a stamp to mail the payment in. It’s not the biggest deal in the world, but she hates it.

She obviously would not have lasted in a world without internet.

The old stairs creak beneath her, a sound that she’s used to when she’s carrying her laundry downstairs (it’s how she knows when she’s on the unsteady step since usually she can’t see over the full height of her clothes which is what procrastination gets her), and she quickly descends downstairs to the row of mailboxes that rest against the wall in front of the washing machines and dryers that work at least ninety percent of the time.

She and Belle need to move to a nicer place. They can afford it, but then again, if Belle moves, it’ll probably be with Will. It’s a constant thought every time Emma thinks about it, so she never quite works up the courage to bring up moving somewhere else. This place is just fine, they’ve made it their home, and so what if she has to walk to a bit of a creepy place to get her mail to pay her cable bill. It’s not like anyone in this town is actually going to do something to her.

They’d have hell to pay.

The stairs could use a little work, though, maybe a few new light fixtures for the hallways too.

Pulling out her key, she twists it in her box, opening it and grabbing the few envelopes that lay flat against the metal. She closes the box, locking it back up, and as she walks up the stairs, she shuffles through the mail, tripping on a loose board as she sees neat black script inked across the white in the upper left corner.

Killian Jones.

What the hell?

What the hell is he doing sending her a letter? Even though her toe is still stinging from how she jammed it, the pain worse than some of her injuries she’s gotten on the job, she stops in the middle of the staircase and rips the letter open.

Dear Emma Swan,

You’ll have to forgive me because it’s been awhile since I’ve written a letter that’s not an e-mail. I’ve been told by a rather reliable source that it’s a bit old-fashioned to write like this, but I do like a bit of a challenge. So, Swan, I’m sitting at my desk writing you a letter on stationary that Ariel found me and with my very favorite pen. And while I don’t expect you to write back, I have included several stamps to encourage you. You wouldn’t want me to waste money, now would you?

Anyways, I find myself wondering about you because you intrigue me. There are things I’d like to know. For instance, how long have you been a secret nerd watching the History Channel and National Geographic? I, for one, have been a fan for years. It’s fascinating to learn about things that have happened in the past. What other interests do you have? Do you enjoy sports? Read any good books lately? What is your ultimate favorite baked good? Do you like cooking them yourself? Are you one of those people who have a favorite flower? I am partial to sunflowers over roses, preferring the brightness of yellow, but then again, there are yellow roses.

I’m simply but a curious man who enjoys knowing the answers to my questions, and in return, you can feel free to ask me anything you want. I’d even tell you what kind of underwear I wear since you seem to be averse to answering that particular question.

Sincerely,

Killian A. Jones

“Oh my God,” she mumbles, scanning over the words one more time before opening up the envelope to see several stamps with pictures of sailboats on them.

A part of her absolutely cannot believe that he wrote her a freaking letter, but then again, she’s not really shocked. That’s exactly something that he would do just to annoy her, and the fact that he included stamps is really over the top. She’s not going to complain. She needs stamps, but damn, the man is persistent.

But she’s not going to write him back.

Absolutely not.

She folds his letter back up and puts it in the envelope before walking up the rest of the stairs and turning in the stairwell so she can get back to her floor, quickly moving into her apartment to write a check so she can send off the cable bill before she gets to work this morning. Belle is still sleeping, so she tries to stay quiet as she grabs her purse and walks right back out the door, all of her mail in the front pocket of her purse.

All day she ignores the letter that seems to be burning a hole through the leather material of her purse that’s hidden under her desk, but it’s more of an attempt at ignoring it than actually ignoring it, because when David leaves to go question a fight that broke out down by the pier, she grabs a piece of paper out of the printer and starts writing something back.

Damn it. Has she lost control of her limbs?

Jones,

You’re ridiculous. Seriously. I can’t believe you took our texts as a challenge, but then again, it is you. I have no idea why I’m writing you back, but you did say that I could ask you any question I want, and, well, I simply can’t pass up that opportunity.

So tell me, what is the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you? And spare no detail.

Sincerely,

Emma Swan.

PS: I am a mean ping pong player, and I agree with you about the roses. If you’re looking for a good book recommendation, though, I suggest Belle. She gives me all of mine.

Oh, and bear claws.

And I want to know what the A in your name stands for.

Quickly, she stuffs the paper in an envelope, seals it, writes his address on it, places a stamp in the corner, and puts it in the mailbox outside of the station so that she literally can’t take it back without tampering with federal law. She’ll bend a lot of rules, but she’s not going to break federal law over something as dumb as a letter.

Two days later, she gets a letter back. There’s no formal address this time, and she kind of likes that…not that she likes this.

Really went straight for the kill then, eh Swan? It took me a bit to remember what exactly my most embarrassing memory is, simply because I’m so suave that I don’t have many embarrassing moments.

However, when I was a young lad of twenty-three, I had the night off and left base to go out to a pub with a few of my mates. This was something we did often, something we’d done for our five years together, but on this particular night I indulged in a few too many glasses of rum. My tolerance wasn’t quite what it is now, even if I do wake up feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck now, and while I don’t remember the night but in a few glances (particularly me telling the lasses that I was the Captain when I was not), I do remember waking up in the flat of a woman I didn’t know without my clothes anywhere in sight. Either she stole them, my mates somehow stole them, or something else happened, but my options to get home were either walking in the streets of Birkenhead in the nude or wearing this lass’s mother’s nightgown. It was this billowing, flowery thing, and while I fully believe I can wear anything I want, let’s just say my actual Captain did not take too kindly to me walking back onto base in something that was not approved. I was written up three times for one incident, and I’d just like you to imagine me having to explain why to my superiors why I was wearing a nightgown when I had no idea myself.

I have to say, though, nightgowns are quite comfortable. Lots of air to breathe. It’s likely a good thing that my mates thought it would be funny to buy me a nightgown when I was promoted. It was much more my taste. Silk is wonderful, though I don’t think I ever wore it. I much prefer my briefs.

So, there’s a story of one of the brightest moments of my youth, and while I’m sure you’ll somehow use it to torture me, it’s yours to know.

My middle name is, Andrew, by the way, and the lovely Belle has recommended me to The Guest Book as reading material. It’s rather good. Feel free to borrow my copy if you’d like. Speaking of Belle, I hear Mr. French makes rather delectable bear claws, but he’s in a fierce rivalry with Mrs. Lucas over who makes the best. Personally, I think they’re using pastries as a bit of foreplay, but that’s simply a theory from an observer.

Now, Swan, I’ve metaphorically shown you mine, so you should show me yours.

Have a good week,

Killian Andrew Jones.

Emma doesn’t realize it, but by the time she’s finished reading the letter, she’s got tears streaming down her face, just a few of them, from laughing at the thought of Killian running around in a nightgown. That’s the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard, but for some reason, she has no issue imagining him walking into base in a flowery nightgown that hits at his knees and shows off all of the hair on his legs with the shoulders being a little tight. It’s ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, and she’s glad that Belle is still at the library so that she doesn’t ask what in the world Emma is laughing at.

It would be a little hard to explain.

Well, not really, but she doesn’t want to explain. Because her explaining any of this would make her have to explain other things, and since Belle already knows that Killian sent her the basket of baked goods months ago. So it would be too difficult to explain her...having to explain. This is kind of like some sort of bad inception.

But Belle’s not even here, so it definitely doesn’t matter.

While she’s still laughing, she gets up from the table and heads to the kitchen, grabbing a wine glass out of the cabinets and pouring her a glass of the wine that she and Belle didn’t finish drinking last night. If she’s going to spend her time writing letters to Killian, which is a ridiculous concept in and of itself, she should at least have some alcohol in her.

Not enough to make her have to wake up without clothes and have to borrow an ugly nightgown from the mother of the person she’d slept with but some alcohol all the same.

She doesn’t have any paper here, so she has to shuffle through some of the old notebooks Belle keeps on their bookshelves, and takes out a lined page from the back, settling down on the couch with her wine and paper and pin while Drain the Oceans plays on the TV.

Killian Andrew (Asshole) Jones,

I’ve added the “asshole” because I really did think that was your middle name. You did say you would respond to it, but I guess Andrew is okay. Is that a family name? Your father’s maybe? I don’t have a middle name, didn’t even have a last name, only my first, but I’ve always kind of thought it would be something classic since my first name is.

Shit. I just got wine on the paper. Oops.

So you and that rum, huh? You seem to be a fan of it. And also nightgowns. Are you sure you don’t sleep in one of those? Is that why you don’t have a girlfriend? You scare them all away with your nightgown. I imagine it makes easy access to...things, so really, they should like it better than the briefs. It’s just a great mystery that may never be solved.

Granny’s bear claws are better than Mr. French’s hands down, but Mr. French has better pastries overall. Plus, he’s like my dad, so you implying that they have a thing going on is really kind of freaking me out. I bet Granny wears a nightgown, though, which makes my earlier joke about easy access so much creepier.

Some things simply shouldn’t be imagined. But if you’re going to, make sure to tell Ruby to scar her for life.

I haven’t read that book, but if Belle recommends it, it must be good. I’ll have to check it out. I’ve been very into historical romances lately, which isn’t really on par for me, but there’s simply something about Jane Austen, you know?

Thanks for telling me your most embarrassing story. You’re right. I’m totally going to use that against you, and no, I will not tell you my most embarrassing story. It involves karaoke, though, so it’s a good one.

Emma

If she hadn’t had the wine, she probably would have realized that she revealed a bit too much in her letter, but after she seals it that night and sends it off in the morning, still using the sailboat stamps Killian provided, she doesn’t think about it.

Not at all.

What she does think about is the fact that eight days go by without a new letter. She didn’t even realize that she wanted another letter, that she got a weird sense of excitement over them, until she wasn’t receiving one in her mailbox.

Who has she turned into that she’s checking her mailbox daily?

What decade is this?

But her week has gone by as normal, spending her days at work, reveling in the hour break she gets to eat lunch with David or Ariel, and her evenings at home, sometimes with Belle, sometimes not. On Saturday she, Ruby, Belle, Mary Margaret, and Ariel all spent the day at the beach, waking up early enough to beat all of the tourists there, and settled down with blankets and umbrellas with bags full of food and a cooler full of drinks. They didn’t bother moving, not unless to dip into the ocean to cool themselves off or to run up to the pier to use the restroom, and even if her eyes constantly trailed down to the pier to look at the fleet of ships and boats and what not resting outside of the Jones’ office.

And if her eyes kept checking her texts even if most everyone she spoke to was already there, no one had to know. Though she does think that Ruby noticed.

She wasn’t very subtle in her desperation.

But she didn’t see him, not that she wanted to, and she tried to push it all to the back of her mind to enjoy the day as the sun beat down on her skin so that she got the slightest bit of a tan that she hopes stays with her until the fall.

Okay, so she thinks about the lack of a letter a lot.

However, she wasn’t thinking about it when she was driving home from work, but now that she’s standing next to the door of her apartment with Will holding a stack of their mail, it’s all she can think about.

Shit.

Why didn’t it occur to her that she and Belle share a mailbox and that Belle could see one of these letters? How could she have missed that?

“Hey,” she cautiously greets, placing her keys down, the clanging loud in her ears, on the table and stepping further into the room, “I didn’t know you were coming over tonight.”

“Belle and I are going to dinner. Why do you have a letter from Jones?”

“Huh?” she asks, trying to keep her voice steady even though her heart is beating wildly in her chest, the sound louder than it has been in a long time. She can feel it all the way down to her toes. “I have a letter?”

Will raises his eyebrow, obviously not believing her, and as casually as she can, she steps forward and takes the letter from Will, stuffing it away in the back pocket of her jeans.

“So where are you guys going for dinner?” Emma asks to change the subject.

“Eric’s place. He gives me a discount.”

“Ah, yes, because everyone wants discount fish.”

“Oi, it’s not like he’s giving us the old fish.”

“So you think. If you guys die in a few days, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“We’ll be dead, and you’ll be bragging about it.”

“Exactly.” She steps around Will and sits down on the couch, reaching down to unlace her boots and kick them off. “I guess I’ll miss you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Emma,” Belle shouts, and Emma leans her head back to look down the hall to see Belle standing in the hallway, “can I borrow those teal heels that you wore last week?”

“Yeah, they’re in my bathroom.”

Belle doesn’t say anything back, but less than a minute she comes into their living room wearing the teal heels and a little black dress, fluffing out her hair over her shoulders while Will grabs his coat off the chair, stepping up to her and kissing her cheek, whispering something that Emma doesn’t pick up on, which is good. It’s private, and she doesn’t need to hear things about their private life.

Her hearing thing has been wonky lately anyways. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.

“We probably won’t be back until late,” Belle tells her, and Emma reaches her hand up over the couch to let Belle grab onto it. “Do you want me to bring you back anything?”

“Nah, you two go have fun. Don’t do anything that I’ll have to investigate.”

“Well, that just takes all of the fun away.”

After the two of them leave, she leans up on the couch and pulls the later out of her back pocket, hoping that Will forgets about it and doesn’t mention it to Belle, and quickly opens the sealed envelope, her nerves running over every inch of her skin and making her fingers shake the slightest bit as she straightens the creases out of the paper.

Emma,

I apologize for my late reply, but you seem to have caught me at a bad time. I had a client call and request a refurbishment on his seafaring vessel (his words, not mine), and I’ve been consumed with it. I love this job. It’s a way to keep me connected to the ocean, a place where I spent so much of my life, but this is different. And it certainly didn’t help that my wrist decided to act up a bit this week. It’s the weather and all.

Regardless, I do wish you would have told me your most embarrassing story. I feel like it’s a real ice breaker, and I love karaoke....if I’m drunk. But then again, bad things seem to happen when I’m drunk. So wine? That’s your vice? I always took you more as a tequila or whiskey type, but then again, I’m learning that I know very little about you, love. Though, I like that it’s changing a bit, if I may be so bold.

Jane Austen is bloody brilliant, and it’s nice to hear of someone else appreciating her. Mr. Darcy and I have a lot in common, you know? I, too, screw up with strong-willed women and then have to realize the error of my ways to have them allow me back into their lives. Or, at least, I hope. Tell me, if you’re a fan of historical romances, how are you not a fan of letter writing when that is such a core piece of the story? Is it simply that you don’t like modern day letter writing because it, for practical reasons, doesn’t make any sense? We could have had this entire conversation in ten minutes, but it’s taken eight days. Yet, this is a bit more fun, even though talking to you does incite other kinds of fun.

As to my middle name, it’s my mother’s maiden name. My father’s name is Brennan, and the only thing I carry from him is the Jones name, which is likely a good thing. He wasn’t a good man. He was a drunk, and he abandoned us when I was ten. I’m proud to be a Jones because of my brother and my mum, so like you, I suspect that my last name carries a weight that most don’t.  

Anyways, that’s much too much information about me. Tell me, Swan, there’s a Summer Regatta coming up in two weeks. Do you think you’ll be at the festival? I know someone who can get you a free ride on a boat.

Killian.

He’s got a screwed up family too.

That’s what she gets out of all of that. It’s not that he loves the same books that she does, not that he correctly guessed her drinking vices, not that he practically invited her to be his date to the regatta in over Labor Day weekend. It’s the fact that he has a screwed up family, a drunk deadbeat dad and a dead mom. She knew his family life wasn’t great, if only because Elsa never mentions having to take the kids to go see Liam’s parents.

Huh.

She can kind of see it now, can see that he is a bit of an orphan too, and even though he had parents, it breaks her heart. No one should ever have to grow up without having people love them, and she’s thankful that Killian had Liam and their mom. That’s a nice thing for them to have a family, even if it’s not what most people would call complete.

Maybe it’s the wine or maybe it’s the fact that she suddenly understands Killian in a way that she knows only a few people can, but she pulls out her phone and lets her fingers move without thinking about it too much.

Emma: So not a fan of karaoke then? Is your voice that bad?

The three dots pop up almost immediately after she presses send only for them to disappear, only coming back every few seconds. He’s either trying to think of what to say or realized that he’s texting back incredibly fast. It’s nice to know some things never change.

Killian: For someone who is incredibly attracted to my voice, that’s a bold thing for you to suggest.

Emma: Touché.

Emma: So it’s not bad then?

Killian: I’ve been told that it’s actually pretty good, but I find that karaoke does nothing but bring embarrassment unless you’ve been drinking all day.

Emma: Okay, but say you have…what’s your go-to song?

Kilian: Easy. Anything Elton John. He’s so easy to understand.

Emma: You’re kidding, right?

Killian: Nope.

He definitely has to be kidding.

Emma: I figured you’d be more of a Queen or Beatles guy. I’m pretty partial to Queen.

Killian: Well, I could do those too. Or pretty much anything from the eighties. I feel old, but I don’t know a lot of the new songs.

Emma: That’s because you are old.

Killian: Being older than you doesn’t make old. And as you can tell, I’ve retained my youthful glow.

Emma: Sure, we’ll call it that.

She takes another sip of her wine and turns the volume up a bit on the television so that she’s not simply staring at her phone waiting for him to text her back. That’d be pathetic. Then again, she’s sitting at home drinking wine and watching the History Channel while her roommate is out on a date. That could be considered pathetic. Or very, very smart depending on who is asked.

Killian: What are you up to tonight, love?

Emma: Watching Drain the Ocean, though I’ll be honest and say I have no idea what’s going on.

Emma: You?

Killian: The same, actually.

Emma: Creepy.

Killian: Believe it or not, I think we have similar taste in television shows.

Emma: Ugh, I know. I can’t believe I have so much in common with an old man.

Killian: If you keep flattering a man like this, he might get the impression that you like him.

Emma: Never.

Emma: At least we don’t like the same foods. Unless you secretly like junk food.

Killian: I enjoy certain kinds, but I don’t think I have the same propensity for grilled cheese, onion rings, and bear claws like you do.

Emma: I also like poptarts and brownies. Oooh and lots of icing.

Killian: You’re a child.

Emma: Oh, come on. You don’t like icing?

Killian: If there’s cake attached, yeah.

Emma: No, no. You’ve got this all wrong. Straight out of the can.

Killian: You also eat raw cookie dough, don’t you?

Emma: Duh.

Killian: I do like cookies, though. And mostly pastries that involve fruit. It makes it all feel a little healthier.

Emma: You’re in shape. I think you’ve got the healthy thing down.

Killian: I knew you liked staring at my ass.

Emma: I said nothing about your ass.

Killian: Just my general body then? The abs? The biceps? My collarbone? What about my left ankle? You’re into period romances. I bet the left ankle really does it for you.

“Oh my God,” she mutters to herself, putting her glass down on the coffee table and standing from the couch, smiling to herself as she reads the message and walks to the kitchen. He’s such an idiot.

Such an idiot.

And now she really wants something sweet to eat, so she presses up on her toes and gets a can of chocolate icing out of the pantry popping open the top and grabbing a spoon out of the drawer so she can at least be a little civilized about the whole thing. Without putting much thought into it, she holds the spoon full of icing up to her mouth and takes a quick picture, not checking to see what she looks like before sending it to Killian.

Emma: See? This is the way to eat sweets.

The three dots pop up before they disappear just like before, and she doesn’t really have time to think about it before the front door is swinging open and Belle is walking inside, an obviously bright red flush on her pale cheeks.

“I’m engaged,” she squeals, holding her left hand up as she walks into the apartment, a small diamond ring resting there.

“What?” Emma gasps, nearly choking on her icing before she puts the spoon and the container down, running her tongue over her teeth to wipe up all of the excess icing. “You’re engaged?”

“Yes! Will asked at dinner. Oh my gosh. You know, I always swore I wouldn’t be one of those girls, but I did the thing where I put my hands over my mouth when he got down on one knee.”

“Of course you did,” she laughs, reaching forward and wrapping Belle up in a hug, squeezing her as tightly as she can while she sees Will walk into the apartment, bags of takeout in his hands and a smile on his face that tells Emma he’s just as happy as Belle is. Good. They deserve all of the happiness. “I’m so damn happy for you. Both of you.”

“And you’ll be so much happier when you know that I brought you earplugs for tonight,” Will tells her when she hugs him.

“That is so gross.”

“I’m simply trying to be helpful.”

“Babe,” Belle laughs, walking over to the two of them and leaning into Will to press a kiss into his cheek, “stop grossing Emma out and give me five minutes to tell her what happened before we can let her put the earplugs into use.”

“Nope, nope, no,” she refuses, putting her hands in the air, “you guys just go. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Perfect.”

“Please ignore him.”

“I promise you I’m trying.”

Will and Belle go back to their room, and she takes the opportunity to grab her phone, her icing, and plant herself in front of the television, turning to volume up so that she doesn’t have to risk hearing anything else. Tonight will probably be the night that her weird hearing thing picks up again.

She is so damn happy for the two of them, a bit of a buzz of happiness spreading over her skin, but she can’t help the little voice in her head that wonders what’s next for her if the two of them are getting married.

She hates that she thinks that.

Her phone dings, and she looks down at it, forgetting that she was texting Killian before Belle and Will came home.

How long were they texting for her friends to get engaged during that time? That’s…a lot of time. Did it really all go by that quickly? She didn’t even notice.

Killian: I mean, there’s definitely something sweet in that picture that I’d like to eat.

Emma chuckles under her breath, unable to help herself, especially when accompanying the text is a picture of him holding a banana over half of his face, the scars on his wrist and the chain around his neck visible even in the dimness of his apartment. And damn it. This was not supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen.

She likes Killian Jones. 

[satorisa]

Lift the Veil - Chapter 14:  Thnks fr th Mmrs

Rating: T

Summary: After living in Tokyo for the past six years, she decides to head back to Azumano to escape the big city. However, she now has to face everything that she tried to flee from all those years ago. How exactly will she fare when the pages of a long forgotten book start turning once more?

Alternate links for reading available in my description! (Except for on ff.net rn since I’m having technical difficulties uploading it onto there.)

What better way to ring in the new year than with yet another Lift the Veil chapter! Here’s to (almost) new beginnings for our two main characters.

We are one, I repeat, one chapter away from the next arc of this story! So stay tuned for the tonal shift this story will take once we get there!

Happy readings, ya’ll!

Chapter 14 – Thnks fr th Mmrs

And I want these words to make things right, but it’s the wrongs that make the words come to life.

Alone. In my apartment. With way too much food for me to finish without puking it all up, too much alcohol for me to be around in such an emotionally precarious state, and an overwhelming understanding that I shouldn’t be in this situation any longer than I need to be.

I called Ritsuko first, half hoping she would pick up and half hoping she wouldn’t. She answered after the second ring.

“Hey, Risa! I thought you were busy with Riku and Daisuke’s return.”

“I was.”

“Your ‘was’ is worrying me.”

I take a deep breath. “Can you come by? Please.”

“Yeah! Yeah—let me just finish up something first, and I’ll head over as soon as I can. Can you hang in there until then?”

“I’ll try.”

“Okay, Risa, now you’re really worrying me.” I heard movement from her line. “Do you need me to bring you anything?”

“Just empty Tupperware. Please take home some of the food I have here.”

“Gotcha. Just wait for me, alright?”

“Alrighty. Thank you.”

“Always, hun.”

We hung up, and I stared at my phone. Ritsuko would be enough, right? I scrolled through my contacts until I saw Takeshi’s name. Did I need him over? Could he even be over? And what about Akane? Would she—

ACHOO.

The sneeze cut my deliberations short as I accidentally pressed the button to call him. And, after my round of sneezes ended, I heard a faint voice blessing me from my phone. I brought it to my ear, realizing it’d be too late to hang up now.

“Hey, Boss, are you feeling alright?” he asked with genuine concern.

The words rolled around in my head, like bingo balls bouncing around in their cage. I could say yes, effectively putting an end to this conversation and just dump everything onto Ritsuko. Takeshi would tease me for days about this call, but—

“No. I’m not.”

There was silence until I heard a muffled voice that sounded too high to belong to Takeshi. Akane?

“Akane’s asking if you need anything.”

“Just bring some empty containers. I have too much food here. ”

“Awesome!” I hear noise muffling the line.  “I’ll be on my way soon.”

“You don’t—”

“Nope. Nu-uh. I don’t want to hear it, Risa. I’m going to be over soon, and there’s nothing you can do about it, okay?”

“…okay.”

“Okay? Good. I’ll see you in a bit.”

He hung up, and I looked at my phone resting in my lap. Ritsuko and Takeshi were heading to my apartment to comfort me after Riku blew up because she found out about Satoshi. In other words, the world was going to explode in my face, and there was nothing I could do about it.

If I could help it, I wouldn’t tell them, but the secret was out. Knowing Riku, she’d intentionally blab about it until she finally came to terms with it. Which probably won’t be until after she’s razed Azumano to cinders. Besides, I’d rather they hear this from me than her. Better from the primary source, after all.

Dammit, Kazama. I really didn’t want to cross this bridge this soon. (Hopefully, this won’t bring that ugly mug of his back to Azumano again, either.)

Some time had passed as I sat there, unmoving, unable to process anything, slowly decaying with each breath I took until I heard them. They didn’t need to ring my doorbell. Ritsuko and Takeshi’s angry voices carried through the walls of my living room.

I sighed before getting up to open the door. And, sure enough, I peeked out into the hallway to see them a couple of units down. I glared.

“You guys better get in here before I throw out all my food.”

“This is your fault, Fukuda!” Takeshi screamed.

“My fault? Let me remind you that—”

I closed my door, mentally readying myself for any potential noise complaints as I returned to my spot on the sofa. When I heard them finally knock on my door, preluded by sweet silence, I let them in.

“Friendly reminder that I do have neighbors so please, for the love of God, keep it down. Thank you!”

“Yes ma’am!”

Ritsuko, still having not seen my place, gave herself a tour while Takeshi stood by the food, silently deliberating on what he’d take back with him.

“Sorry I couldn’t help you move in!” Ritsuko called from my bedroom.

“No worries! How was your business trip to Sapporo?”

“Honestly? I’d rather have suffered at the hands of moving stress than what I dealt with there.”

“Sorry to hear that.”

Ritsuko eventually finished and closed my bedroom door behind her. She sat on the sofa, and Takeshi joined her on the opposite end. They looked up at me, expecting and scrutinizing, and I sat down in the space between them to keep them from fighting.

I felt my arms start to shake once I realized that there was no turning back once from this.

“So, what’s up?” Ritsuko asked.

“Just…give me a bit.”

She nodded as I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down. They didn’t really help though; they were only delaying the inevitable.

 I took one last deep breath.

“…I was Hiwatari’s friend with benefits in high school. And he ghosted me a month before we graduated.”

They balked. Ritsuko quickly regained her composure, but Takeshi just looked like the world had suddenly turned upside down.

“I know we all had our suspicions, but…” Ritsuko couldn’t continue.

“Holy shit. Holy shit.” Takeshi paused. “This is what you were keeping from us? I knew it was bad because Satoshi was somehow always very specific yet very vague but—oh my god.”

“Who else knows?” Ritsuko asked.

“Some of the adults managed to piece it together, and I thought that Hiwatari-san kept it to himself like me…until he told me that Daisuke found out.”

Ritsuko looked at me in horror. “Oh no.”

“So guess who told Riku while being drunk out of their mind on their trip to Zurich?”

“No.”

“Yup.”

Takeshi groaned. “Daisuke, buddy, I love you, but how the hell could you pull a Satoshi with the last person on Earth you should’ve blabbed it to?”

“’Pull a Satoshi?’ What the hell do you mean by that?”

“Fukuda, I don’t know if you’ve had the—ah—displeasure of drinking with Satoshi, so let’s just say that he has no filter when he’s gone. One time, he said…er…”

“’Er?’” Ritsuko repeated.

Takeshi looked at me. “I don’t know if I can share this.”

“After Risa’s statement? You could literally tell me the world is ending tomorrow, and it would still pale in comparison.”

Takeshi bit his lip. “Well, since it involved Risa, I suppose I can. Just brace yourself. Please.” He then directed his attention towards Ritsuko. “You didn’t hear this from me, Fukuda.”

“Just. Spit. It. Out.”

“Risa, um, I don’t know if he told you this already, but he was practically in love with you in high school.”

Ritsuko gasped. “What?”

“Oh, I know. He told me in Vienna.”

“What?”

Ritsuko looked so distraught compared to Takeshi, but he was probably only taking this marginally better because he knew more about the situation. And since I already had enough time for me to decently process everything, I was faring the best out of the three of us. How funny that the ones I called to keep me company while I was distressed are the ones left even more distressed by the situation.

“Okay, okay,” Ritsuko said. “I understand why you didn’t tell us about it, but I don’t understand how or why this happened.”

“Fukuda, get with the program here!”  I felt her glare, directed at Takeshi, pierce through me. “There was nothing to be done here.”

“Bull. Shit.” I winced. “They both loved each other; therefore, they cared about each other. If they really cared enough, then they probably wouldn’t have ended up in this mess in the first place.”

“That was their problem: caring about each other.”

Being stuck in the middle of this felt like the personification of what was once my mental state. Their increasing volume, directed at my eardrums, really wasn’t making this any more pleasant than when it was contained in my mind.

“They would’ve found some way to talk it out then. What, did they not trust each other or something?”

“Bingo.”

Ritsuko stopped arguing, and an expression of bemusement erased the frustration from earlier.

“Risa, explain.”

“I…don’t think it’s my right to explain. Well, not for him anyway. Maybe ask Takeshi later if you’re so curious. Or ask Hiwatari out for coffee sometime and get it from the man himself.” I forced a laugh. “Trusting people is hard when you’ve gone through stuff, you know?”

Understanding what I was implying, Ritsuko nodded. I saw tears bead at the corner of her eyes, and she excused herself to my bathroom, leaving me and Takeshi left on the sofa.

“How’re you holding up?” I asked him.

“I honestly don’t know how I’m still keeping it together right now,” Takeshi hollowly laughed. “I know more about it than most people, but I’m still in shock about it. I get why it happened, but like, Satoshi’s the most logical person I know, so it’s just difficult for me to wrap my head around how he could let this train wreck occur.” He sighed. “God, considering how awful I’m feeling now, I can’t even begin to fathom how you two must’ve felt about the whole thing.”

“You can empathize?” I joked, if only to relieve the tension in the room.

“Boss, why do you gotta be like this now? I’m trying not to cry here!”

“Don’t you dare shed any of your tears in front of me.”

He retreated into my bedroom. Moments later, Ritsuko sat down next to me with puffy eyes and a red nose. She offered me a weak smile.

“If anyone should be crying, it should be me,” I said.

“Oh, can it. You want to cry, but you can’t, so you’re making all of us get dehydrated for you.”

“Crap! You’ve foiled my evil plan!”

Ritsuko laughed, and I smiled. Honestly, I was too numb to feel much of anything. Just having Riku find out the last thing I ever wanted to know about and barreling into my apartment with murderous intent was traumatic enough to shock the emotions out of me.

“Honestly though, I was so scared to tell anyone, especially you guys. What if you said that I couldn’t feel the way that I felt because I needed to be mindful of what Hiwatari-san when through? Or took sides, whether mine or his? I couldn’t deal with that.”

“Like Riku?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I get where she’s coming from. Even though I’m understanding of the situation, that doesn’t mean I’m not angry. There’s a lot going on here, and a lot I don’t understand, but I can see why you didn’t tell anyone back then, right? They’d tell you to cut him off, unaware of the baggage you two carry, and it would’ve just made you feel even worse about the situation, right?”

I nodded.

“Well, Saehara and I are adults who aren’t your family. And we’re also his friend. What you’ve said here won’t change anything regarding our relationship with him. Likewise, what he says about you when I ask him about it won’t change the fact that you’re an amazing person that I’m proud to call one of my best friends.”

“Ritsuko!” I pulled her into a hug that she returned.

“After everything that happened, this is what makes you tear up? God, you’re hopeless!”

I laughed, wiping my tears away as I let her go. Takeshi returned, looking like he had taken a trip through the seven layers of hell, but he grinned before sitting back down on the sofa.

We spent the evening digging into some of the food while watching a movie since I had done more than enough talking. And once they left, bags filled with Tupperware and wine, I retreated to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed.

I turned to the music box sitting on the nightstand, winding it up before floating away to dreamland.

…

I woke up the next morning, before my alarm clock would shock me awake or the sun would burn the inside of my eyelids, to my phone ringing. Most people wouldn’t think to bother anyone at this time but, cracking an eye open to look at the caller ID, he wasn’t most people.

“What?” I croaked, irritated that he needed me for whatever reason that warranted a call at this time of day.

“Good morning to you, too.” I could hear the smile in his voice. Damn bastard was enjoying this. “How are you faring from last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Leaving you alone with all those bottles of wine after what happened yesterday? It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together; you’re probably hungover.”

“I am a perfectly functional human being who has other coping mechanisms besides drowning myself in alcohol.”

“Past experiences say otherwise.”

“I didn’t drink at all last night; I have Takeshi, and Ritsuko as my witnesses.”

Hiwatari fell silent on the other end of the line while I stretched awake, putting my phone on speaker as I got up. While I was making my bed, Hiwatari spoke up.

“So they know now.”

“I’d rather they didn’t hear from Riku, so I told them first. Sorry to tell them so soon.”

“It’s fine.” He paused. “Should I be expecting attempts on my life now?”

“Nope. They took it well, surprisingly. They might give you a hard time because of it, but no one wants you dead. I think.”

After smoothing out my sheets, I admired my handiwork before grabbing my phone and heading to the kitchen for some breakfast. “Anyways, why’d you call?”

“Partly to check up on you in case you were hungover, but I was wondering if you’d be okay with me walking you to the news station today.”

“…really? You called me this early in the morning for that?”

“I’d rather not be greeted by your choice designer handbag of the day in my face.”

“Who said I’m still not going to do that?”

“Damn. I thought this would lessen my chances.” I could hear the lilt in his voice, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I’m glad to hear you’re doing okay though.”

“I’m about as okay as I’m going to be considering. Thank you for your concern, though.”

“It’s no problem. And could you also open your door, please? This bag is quite heavy, and it might become a problem for me if I keep standing here holding it.”

My usual alarm rang and, startled, I frenzied over to my front door. I swung it open to see Hiwatari standing there, convenience store bag in hand, with unveiled derision on his face.

“…actually, seeing you fresh from bed might be a greeting worse than a purse smashing my face. Tokyo has not been kind to your skin.”

“Get inside before I smash your face with that bag in your hands.”

…

“So, how’s the engaged couple?” Takeshi asked before unceremoniously slurping his noodles and splashing some of his broth onto shirt as if he didn’t just ask a loaded question. He couldn’t be this obtuse considering what just happened.

“Why don’t you ask Daisuke yourself?” Hiwatari asked.

“After what happened when they got back? I’d rather not deal with Beauty and the Beast.”

“And you thought we would have the answer to your question?”

“Maybe not the Boss, but I’m sure you’ve got something, Chief. Gimme the deets.”

“Riku’s out for my head; Daisuke’s trying to protect it: the usual. I have nothing else to report.”

Takeshi groaned. “Useless! It’s like you want me to die in the lion’s den.”

“I’m sure an unsuspecting fly like you will survive just fine.”             

And with that, Hiwatari started eating his noodles, effectively direction his attention away from Takeshi and cleanly cutting that conversation short. Thus, I was the next victim of his poor attempt at small talk. “So, Boss, how’s the ramen?”

“Beautiful,” I answered, eyes trained on the wisps of steam coming from my untouched ramen. I noted the sheen of the broth on the noodles peeking out, following the fat bubbles gently floating amongst the green onions.

“Er, that’s not—”

My phone rang, and I looked at my phone to see a text from Riku asking to meet up for dinner later. Considering what had just happened, I didn’t think it would go well, but this was my sister. As hesitant and terrified I was, I wanted to put this behind us as quickly as possible.

“Whozzat?” Takeshi asked when I put my phone down after sending out my reply. He slurped down yet another ungodly amount of noodles, and I tried to conceal my disgust.

Akane scored in the relationship department. Truly.

“Riku. She asked to meet up with her later, so that’s what I’ll be doing instead of enjoying the comforts of my bed.”

Takeshi whistled, shaking his head, before returning to his bowl. “Don’t die, Boss.”

“I’ll try not to; no guarantees.”

I then decided to dig into my bowl, truly savoring my first bite. May this feeling prevail during dinner.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Hiwatari asked, voice laced with concern.

“Yeah. What could possibly go wrong?”

Takeshi and Hiwatari looked up from their bowls with their eyebrows raised. Hiwatari’s skeptical expression, paired with Takeshi’s eyes that begged me to rethink my words, helped me realize that I was only fooling myself. My sister was a human, but she was a Harada. And, considering that we have practically the same blood, I knew the insanity that could arise from it.

No doubt, were this situation reversed, I wouldn’t have stopped until I had the head of whomever hurt my sister roasted on a spit.

“Okay. Fine. Everything can and probably will go wrong.”

“It was nice knowing ya, Boss.”

“Let’s relish in our last meal together before your premature death.”

“Oh, go f—”

“Irasshai!”

…

“God speed!” Takeshi saluted. I returned the gesture.

“We’re here for you if you need us later,” Hiwatari assured.

“Hopefully, I’ll be fine. And I’ll just bother Ritsuko if I need someone. You guys have done more than enough by walking me here.”

“What’re friends for? We gotta see you before you march to your death!” Takeshi chirped.

“Really?”

“Boss, your sister is terrifying.”

“Don’t mind him,” Hiwatari said. “Good luck.”

I nodded, waving goodbye to them as they walked away. And once they started talking to each other a considerable distance away, I took a deep breath before walking in. This was Riku’s favorite place to grab sushi, and I saw her standing by the hostess’ stand, a couple of minutes earlier than what we had planned, as she nervously toyed with a stray thread on her blouse. She noticed me and smiled before turning to the hostess, who greeted us with a blinding smile, as she led us to a booth with two menus in her hand.

Why the booth of all places? The bar was ideal: I wouldn’t have to face Riku, I could occupy myself by staring at the chef, focus on anything and everything but—

“Can I have a beer and a highball?” Riku ordered once our waiter came by. He then turned to me, expecting, just like the sister that sat across from me.

“Just some green tea, please.”

The water nodded, heading off to grab our drink and attend to the other patrons, leaving me to watch Riku flip through the menu. (She didn’t need to. Her staple was the combo of maki rolls.)

“Do you know what you want to eat?” she calmly asked me as if she wasn’t radiating anger and didn’t just order alcohol.

I was not making it out alive.

“Um, I’ll just have some ebi and tamago nigari.”

“You usually order something extravagant. Don’t be shy; it’s my treat.”

It’s precisely because this is your treat which is why I’m being shy. As susceptible as I am to free food, this was a gift horse I needed to burn. “It’s okay. I had ramen, and I’m still kind of full.”

“Huh,” she hollowly said. “Didn’t think your appetite could ever be quenched.”

And the crocodile snaps!

Before she prematurely exploded, the waiter returned to our table with our drinks. Riku ordered for us before the waiter headed off. I moved my drink closer to me, unable to enjoy the warmth in my hands as she downed her beer. I expected her to polish off that highball, but she called a waiter passing by, asking him to for a gin and tonic. Once he left, she grabbed her other drink that she finished in seconds before slamming the glass on the table and staring straight into my eyes.

In any other situation, this would’ve been a great time to ask what college shenanigans Riku got herself into considering what she did took skill, and we could laugh about all the ill-timed hangovers and nostalgia over a nice sushi dinner. This was me trying to imagine this as anything but what it actually was: terrifying.

“Honestly, Risa, what the hell were you thinking getting involved with Satoshi like that?” she asked, more disappointed than angry. “You should’ve known that was a bad idea.”

“Yes because I was able to rationalize while I was sick with the flu and the guy I thought would never love me kissed me.”

She groaned, reaching for her drinks. And when she found them both empty, she groaned again before slamming the empty glass on the table. Again. “If I wasn’t drinking right now, I wouldn’t be able to stomach your bullshit excuses.”

“Yeah, you’re right. All I’ve really got are bullshit excuses for what happened.” I paused our conversation when our water returned, drink in hand, as he placed it in front of Riku. I flinched as she reached out for it, scared she would down it again, but she merely took a sip. She looked at me when she finished, expecting me to elaborate. “I took the opportunity because I knew Hiwatari would—could—never accept my affections.”

“Do you know why he stopped talking to you and tried to erase you from his existence?”

“Did you know about it before Daisuke told you?”

“Not the specifics, but like everyone else, we knew something happened between you two back then. I thought the six years apart would’ve smoothed it out since you tend to over-exaggerate everything but—god. I didn’t think it was this bad.” She sighed before having another sip of her drink. “Are you guys stupid enough to think that getting closer would fix this?”

I shrugged. “Apparently.”

“You two are insane.”

“Just like what you’re being right now.”

She glared at me with a red face as the alcohol settled into her system. “I have every right to after hearing everything from Daisuke. Do you need me to—?”

“I know, Riku. Hiwatari-san told me himself.”

The rage in her expression fizzled out as she stared at me with wide eyes. Was this the ammunition she was waiting to use to get me to listen to her? Was she hoping that this would end it all?

“Y-you need to leave Azumano and get away from Satoshi,” she started. “This closeness can’t be good for you two. I-I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

Tears formed at the corner of her eyes, and she furiously wiped them away. Were those her true feelings hiding behind that animosity of hers? Or was it the alcohol causing her emotions to swing?

“I’m calling Daisuke to bring you home now.”

“No! I’m—”

“I’m calling him.”

She didn’t protest. She just sat in her seat, silently sipping on her drink while I headed out to call Daisuke. I returned to see Riku’s head resting on the table.

Passed out or asleep?

Daisuke came by pretty quickly, and I spotted him, completely flustered, as he approached our table.

“Oh, god, Risa. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just make sure she gets home safe.”

He nodded, hoisting her up on his shoulder. I expected him to leave immediately, maybe whispering something under his breath, but he just stood by the table.

“About Riku finding out…sorry. I accidentally slipped up by saying something, and Riku kept pestering me about it and—”

“It’s fine. Just go.”

And with that, Daisuke left. The waiter then came, food in hand, wondering where my sister went. I told him not to worry about it, saying to just leave the food there and get me the check ASAP.

“Risa?”

I looked up to see my parents hovering at the edge of my table. They were excited to see me, but what were they doing here?

“Where’s your sister?” my mother asked as my dad slipped into the booth across from me.

“Home. She ended drinking a little too much, so I asked Daisuke to take her back home.”

My mom gasped before sitting down next to my dad. “Oh my, goodness. Is she alright?”

“I hope so. What brings you two here?”

“Actually, Riku was the one who asked us to come.”

“Why?”

My mom shrugged. “She said she’d explain it to us here. Do you know what she wanted to talk to us about?”

“No clue,” I feigned. The longer I kept my parents unaware of this, the better I’d feel. No way did I want to deal with the wrath of three Haradas at any given time. “You two help yourselves. My treat.”

“Thank you,” my father grumbled, cautiously eyeing the half empty drink Riku left, taking a sip of it, and slowly moving it towards him, before looking through the menu.

“Are you going to eat that?” My mom motioned to the maki set that Riku ordered. I shook my head, and she happily dug in.

I had a feeling the next time I met them, they would be hostile. So I enjoyed this brief moment, getting along with my parents for once and hoping it would never end.

…

Once I was at the news station the next morning, my phone started vibrating like crazy. My mom was sending frantic messages about Riku waking up with a headache, asking me if I was sure that she was okay. Riku certainly was far from okay, but I didn’t want to aggravate this already precarious situation so, like any responsible adult, I lied to my mom by telling her that Riku was having so much fun last night that she wasn’t pacing herself well before silencing my phone and stuffing it into the deep recesses of a pocket in my purse that I zipped up.

“Good morning, Harada-san,” the security guard greeted when I approached the elevators. “There’s someone looking for you.”

“Where are they?”

“Upstairs. I led them to your cubicle.”

“You just…let them in like that?”

“He showed me proper ID, but I can’t seem to recall his name. He just told me that he has official business with you.”

“…and you’re sure that it’s not Commissioner Hiwatari?”

“I’d recognize him anywhere, so it’s not him.”

“Okay. Thank you?”

He offered me a smile that I hesitantly returned before walking past him, mentally noting that we might need a personnel change for safety measures. Who could possibly need to have an official meeting with me and come by unannounced?

…oh shit.

Once the elevator landed on my floor, I rushed to my cubicle. There Kazama sat, leaning back in my desk chair with a mug of coffee in his hands, animatedly chatting with Takeshi who looked ready to keel over. Poor guy having to deal with him so early in the morning.

“And so—oh! Harada-san! The woman of the hour! You’ve kept me waiting!”

“And you’ve entertained Takeshi enough. Let him get back to work.”

As Takeshi passed by me, he patted my shoulder. I expected a look of gratitude of relief on his face, but he looked like he was on the verge of tears. “You’re a saint for saving me, Boss, but the Chief’s going to kill me for coming into the precinct so late.” He rushed out before I could even offer him words of consolation for the predicament this dickhead had put him in.

“It’s to be expected that a Hiwatari knows how to crack the ol’ whip every now and then!” Kazami chirped as I loudly dropped my stuff onto my desk. He was unfazed by the noise, but a couple of my neighbors peeked over the walls of my cubicle, wondering if they could get a glimpse at what had pissed me off first thing in the morning.

“So, what brings you here?” I ask, sitting down in a chair I reserved for guests because of Kazama’s snooty ass lavishly lounging in my comfortable one.

“That’s a rhetorical question, isn’t it?”

“Look, I know why you’re here, but couldn’t this have waited until I finished work for the day? Also, don’t you have super important cases to win back in Tokyo?”

“They’re not as important as getting some much needed R&R.” I scoff at his comment. “And am I not allowed to say hello to my favorite Harada?”

I wince at his words. “You’re not. I have work to do, and you’re bothering me right now, so you need to leave.”

“Not even a please? Goodness, whatever happened to treating your elders with manners?”

“Look,” I started in English, hoping my coworkers would have trouble understanding me, “my job already pisses me off enough, and I don’t need you to add onto that stress, okay? So if you could just lay off until this evening, that’d be great.”

Kazama whistled. “Amazing accent, Harada-san! I expected nothing less from a Todai graduate.”

I glared at him, and he stood up and gathered his things. “I’ll see you at Satoshi’s place for dinner, then?”

“If you’re cooking, I’ll pass.”

He chortled, knowing that I enjoyed his cooking far too much to miss out on it, and he left without another word. As I settled into my seat, I saw the peering eyes disappear in my peripheries. While I got myself ready for yet another day of work, I heard the murmurs of my coworkers as they concocted yet another rumor to spread about me.

Don’t these people have anything better to do than waste their time on the train wreck of my life?

…

As usual, Hiwatari met up with me outside the news station after the broadcast finished. We didn’t talk much on the way to his apartment, but we dropped by a bakery and grabbed a cake.

When we arrived, we were greeted by a lovely smell coming from the kitchen. Hiwatari greeted Kazama while I sat down at the table, admiring the cake through the flimsy plastic window on the box. All I had to do was survive an amazing dinner with not-so-amazing company, and then I could indulge in this beauty.

After talking to Kazama, Hiwatari headed into his room. He came out in yet another pair of ratty pajamas before slipping into the seat next to me.

“Have you talked to Daisuke yet?” I asked.

“No. It’s—I can’t bring myself to see him. I’m upset that he told Riku, but I’m mostly ashamed that it had come to this.” I nodded. “How was your talk with Riku last night?”

“She got super plastered, passed out at the table, and I had to call Daisuke to pick her up. She couldn’t last long enough to tell my parents about it.”

“Your parents?”

“Yeah. She was planning on telling them while half delirious under the influence of alcohol. Luckily, they didn’t find out, but I don’t know how long they’ll be kept in the dark about this.”

“Oh, juicy stuff!” Kazama interjected. He placed steaming hot plates of food in front of us, and it looked like he cooked extra for me to take home. “So, the older sister knows and is planning on making it worse by involving your parents?”

“Well, they have every right to know, but I’d rather they not.”

Kazama’s laugh trailed off as he went into the kitchen. He returned with two cans of beer, placing one in front of me, before plopping into one of the empty seats and opening his can.

“None for you, Big Boy. It’s what got you into this mess in the first place.” He took a sip. “Ah, that’s the stuff!”

For the most part, dinner went smoothly Hiwatari and Kazama rambled on about politics while I savored my food. When we finished, Hiwatari vehemently insisted that he do the dishes, leaving me and Kazama in the living room, crowded around the TV softly playing a rerun of an old drama, while Kazama cut the cake.

“For you, madam,” he joked as he passed me a slice of cake and a fork.

“Thank you, but shut up.”

When Hiwatari finished, he sat on the floor by Kazama. He helped himself to a slice of cake with a blank expression.

“So, the heart of the matter, you two,” Kazama started. “Run your next steps by me.”

“Jump off the cliffs and fall to our untimely deaths,” I grumbled before taking a bite of my cake.

Ah, how blissful.

“Seconded,” Hiwatari said.

“Ah-ah. The goal is to live, children. So, seriously, what is your plan?”

“Hope my parents never find out.”

“And if they do?”

“Die.”

“Harada-san! I trusted you to be stronger than this! What did you expect to happen as a consequence of your actions?”

“This. Exactly this. It’s just as bad as I envisioned it to be.”

Kazama laughed, clearly amused at our suffering, but he eventually calmed down. I expected him to say something absurd or rude to follow my statement, but he didn’t.

“You can’t control others, Harada-san. All you can do now is hang in there and take the punches.” Kazama paused. “Does your family normally react this extremely to these kinds of situations?”

“Yeah. They’ve always been over-protective, but I think it got worse after Argentine kidnapped me.”

Kazama didn’t say anything. Instead, he turned to Hiwatari and frowned. “Friendly reminder that this is your fault. I won’t protect you from whatever will come your way. Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”

“You need to accept that the family you found with the Haradas will change or disappear when they find out.”

Hiwatari’s lips thinned in a line. I didn’t know how dear Hiwatari held my family. Likewise, I didn’t know how fondly my parents thought of Hiwatari, either.

The thought of losing people never sat well for anyone, especially Hiwatari. I couldn’t imagine what he could be feeling right now.

“Well, since shit hasn’t completely hit the fan, you two should play it by ear.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “Well, it’s time for me to visit the Niwas! Can’t wait to see how divisive everyone will be! Toodles!”

The front door slammed shut, leaving me and Hiwatari with a half-eaten cake and the TV blaring some annoying advertisement. I moved towards him, concerned at his slumped body.

“So, how’d the thing with my parents happen?” I asked. “I’m genuinely curious; after all, they’re not the Niwas.”

“Because of Riku.”      

Hiwatari looked up and, after noticing the shock on my face, looked back down at the floor. “…you don’t know what happened?”

“This may or may not be news to you, but I also cut off contact with everyone in Azumano while I was in Tokyo.” I narrowed my eyes. “What happened to my sister?”

“After you left, she couldn’t leave her bed. She was nauseous, feverous, and could barely keep anything down.”

“What? Why?!”

“Apparently, whenever you two were separated for extended periods of time, Riku would always get sick.”

“Why is this my first time hearing about this? And from you of all people?”

“No one wanted you to worry. And you probably would’ve never found out if it weren’t for me. And this situation.”

“Okay, so what do you have to do with any of this?”

“When I heard about it from Daisuke, I decided to pay Riku and your family a visit. For whatever reason, they thought Riku’s condition was caused by some spiritual connection the two of you share because you’re twins.” Hiwatari frowned. “I don’t understand why you Haradas are so obsessed with mysticism.”

“You’re one to talk with that magical, artsy blood flowing in your veins.”

Hiwatari sighed before continuing. “It turns out that Riku was too anxious without you. Her brain was conditioned to think that the two of you being together meant that both of you were safe. So, whenever you were gone, she ended up worrying about both you and her.”

“What’d you do?”

“I told her you weren’t really gone. You were just living your life in Tokyo without much of a care in the world.”

“…I’m assuming that didn’t help.”

“Not at all.”

I laughed, and Hiwatari smiled before continuing. “Riku needed to learn how to live again for herself. So I made her exercise, go out with family and friends, and suffer through game night at the Niwas. I just needed to jumpstart her brain so that she wouldn’t crumble again when she returned to college.” 

“Returned to college?”

“She had to withdraw from college during her first semester after failing her first round of midterms.”

Our eyes met for a couple of seconds, and the shock initially on his face gave way to an expression of hurt. “Harada-san…”

“Continue, Hiwatari-san.”

“Are you sure?”

“Continue.”

He hesitated, and I watched him shift his posture slightly to buy him some time. His hand slid closer to me, unable to move any further: all he could offer at this moment was half-assed consolation, but it was the only thing we could mentally accept right now.

I slid mine closer, thankful for the gesture but too afraid to fully commit, and Hiwatari continued. “Since she wasn’t getting better, I had to coerce your parents into taking her to therapy. She improved from there, and she was able to go back to college the following year.”

“How did you get closer to my parents then?”

“A little while after I started coming over to help Riku, your mother, in true Risa fashion, had sat me down once with coffee and asked me to talk about myself. Honestly, I mostly just sat there in silence while she bombarded me with questions.” I laughed. “But, while one of her daughters was AWOL, the other one practically unresponsive, she still somehow managed to genuinely care about how I was doing.” He paused. “From there on, your parents somehow found a way to make me feel at home. They let me breathe in a way that the Niwas didn’t. Even though I had an inkling they did it to cope with what was going on with the two of you, I felt like that was how it felt to have parents.”

“Huh.”

Hiwatari only smiled. “Well, anyways, my uncle’s right; I only have myself to blame for this mess.” He then glanced at his phone. “And as much as I appreciate this intimate session of catching up, it’s late and we both have work tomorrow. It’s time for me to walk you back.”

“I’ll be fine. Thank you for the offer, though.”

“…I would insist but, after the conversation we just had, please accept me calling you a ride.”

“Thank you.”

Hiwatari packed enough food to last me a week and enough cake to fatten me up in two evenings. I stood by the door, putting on my shoes, and ready to go home and think.

“Harada-san.”

“Mhm?”

Hiwatari looked lost for once. “Your ride is here.”

“Thank you.”

“And I’m sorry.”

I laughed at his awful timing. My hand reached out to playfully punch him in the shoulder but, after seeing that somber expression on his face, I stopped myself. Only then did I realize the gravity of the situation.

“…your ride is about to leave.”

“Yes! Yes, I’ll see you around.”

When the door closed behind me, I sprinted down. The driver was feeling especially chatty for that trip, affording me a handful of minutes to not think about the shit storm waiting for us. And once they dropped me off at my apartment, it took me everything to not march to Mizuame de Noisette and have an evening full of regret.

I headed up to my room like a responsible adult and decided, instead, to pass out on my sofa, unable to fall asleep despite the tinny notes that usually lulled me to sleep.

…

Daisuke had sent me a message the next morning asking if I could meet with him at the museum café. I sent a message to the group chat I had with Takeshi and Hiwatari saying that I had other lunch plans that day and for them to enjoy their midday meal without me.

So, whilst eating a chicken club sandwich in a sterile museum café, Takeshi kept spamming the chat with the lunch menu from some upscale restaurant. I silenced my phone before tossing it into my purse and giving Daisuke my full attention. He was digging into a salad and wincing with each bite he took.

“Um…are you alright?”

“I need to start losing weight for the wedding.”

I blinked, examining Dasiuke’s lean body for any sign of fat. The man was barely filling out his clothes. What weight was he trying to lose here?

“Please don’t tell me you asked me to come over for solidarity during this time of suffering.”

“Oh no. I just wanted to let you know that Riku’s planning on telling your parents about what happened with you and Satoshi before she left for work later.”

I nearly squeezed the filling out of my sandwich.

“I also wanted to apologize, but I don’t think that’s going to help the situation.”

“Well, even though you’re right, I still accept your apology.” Daisuke nodded. “Actually, I’m kind of also here to ask about what happened with Riku after I left.”

Daisuke looked up from his sandwich in shock. “Satoshi told you?”

“Yeah. Why? What’s wrong?”

“Well, Riku kind of made us promise her to never tell you about it, but if Satoshi decided to tell you, I’m sure he had a good reason to break it then.”

“Is me asking about how he got close to my parents a good enough reason?”

“Considering the impending situation on our hands, I think so. Besides, I think it’s good that the truth is finally airing itself out even if it’s a little…hectic right now.”

“You’re the last person who should be saying that considering this mess is kind of your fault.”

Daisuke sheepishly smiled. “I suppose you’re right then.”

I watched him cringe through another bite of his salad, and I had half a mind to order the menu item with the largest calorie intake. My future brother-in-law shouldn’t have to suffer like this right after getting engaged.

“Well, I honestly don’t know if I can add onto whatever Satoshi already told you. Since I was in college at the time, I only saw Riku on the weekends. She called me a lot because Satoshi was brutal with her, but I don’t think that’s what you wanted to hear from me.

“I will say, even though I am your sister’s fiancé, I do think that she’s overstepping a boundary here. I understand that she’s hurt, but what she’s set out to do is probably going to cause more harm than good.” Daisuke smiled. “But there’s nothing we can do about that now. Once she’s like that, you know it’s impossible to stop her.”

Our talk had made me lose my appetite, and I left lunch with Daisuke earlier than I thought I would. Takeshi came into the news station that afternoon to gloat about his amazing lunch date with Satoshi, to which I didn’t pay much attention to considering I was more worried about what would occur later that day.

When I got a message from my dad around the time that Riku usually left for work, I knew it was over. I messaged Daisuke, requesting that he ask Kazama to grab a table at Mizuame de Noisette later, and I marched home for what may be one of the worst evenings of my life.