#which is a whole nother story that I realize I shouldn’t get into right now

[sumrallmind]

Thinking about how often the first version of a media some experiences often becomes “their” version of the work. Regardless of better versions, it’s hard to eliminate that first version as “yours”.

For example the modern movie version of Les Mis is ‘my’ version. That’ll be the one I go too. The version of Company I think of is with Raul Esparza. I’m told their are better versions or more interesting takes but I don’t think of those.

For some people they’ll only know Sweeny Todd or Cats through the musical movies.

I dunno. Heard a good cover of One Day More and it got me in a thinking mood.

[moonagedaydreamohyeah]

One other thing that’s really problematic about Steve’s ending in Avwngers: Endgame, I think, is what it says about dealing with trauma.

I’ll explain. So, along with Bucky clearly being main part of Steve’s storyline, I also feel like the main theme in Steve’s story is dealing with and overcoming trauma. The trauma of loss, PTSD, and of having to find his place in the world after coming out of the ice. 

A few examples of that being made more or less explicit are these:

Here we see Steve struggling to find himself and find people who get what he’s been through.

In the conversation between Steve and Sam at the VA, Sam is showing Steve that he’s not alone, that there are people who relate. Now, obviously noone else has had the experience of being frozen for 70 years only to wake up in a different time. But at the core, Steve’s trauma consists of human experiences that are not at all uncommon: Loss, guilt, and trouble finding oneself after coming back from a traumatic experience. 

Sam does this the first time they meet as well, when he asks Steve if “it’s his bed that’s too soft”, showing him that he relates to what he’s going though, and making him aware that what he is experiencing is not an uncommon thing to struggle with as a war veteran.

At the VA, he tells him about loosing his “wingman” and not being able to save him, which almost relates 1:1 to the story of Steve losing Bucky in CA: TFA.

Important note: This not only makes Steve realize that there are people that relate to his trauma, it also Steve’s trauma relatable to the viewers- Which in my opinion,gives the creators a responsibility to treat that part of his storyline properly and delicately - which I actually think that they do to some degree, up until Endgame.

When Steve visits Peggy, she encourages him to start over, and move forward. What I think she is saying here isn’s that we shouldn’t grieve, but rather that in dealing with trauma, we have to accept that we can’t go back. The trauma won’t magically go away, because it has happened. And trying our best to move forward is the best that we can do.

The way I read it,  what she is also doing, is that she’s saying goodbye, and telling him not to linger, but to move on, and live, ensuring him that she has already done so.

This again at it’s core, is something a lot of us can relate to - grieving for a lost love. And Peggy says it beautifully - “the best we can do is start over” - it won’t make you happy, expecting that in a couple of years you’ll find some stone that’ll magically take you back in time to that first love that you thought was going to last forever... oh...

Okay, moving on:

So the thing is, that I think Steve does move on, to some extend. In the CA: TWS we see Steve establishing relationships based on deeper connections and shared experiences with both Natasha

As well as with Sam (see/read above) ⬆

Another important example is when Steve and Sam first meet and Sam asks how it is for Steve to have woken up in the future.

In his answer, Steve is focusing on the positive sides to being in the future, which can be read as Steve healthily dealing with his situation, but it also depicts the nuances of trauma.

What I mean by that, relates back to what Peggy was saying: “We can’t go back”. Our trauma won’t magically dissappear, and then everything is all good. In order to move on, we have to accept that we will be carrying some of that baggage with us. 

But that doesn’t mean that we can’t move on, that it will always be all bad. In this clip, Steve we’re right at the start of CA: TWS, and this is Steve’s first time meeting Sam, before knowing that Bucky is alive, and before having made any friends in the future. And what he’s saying is “Yeah, I miss my old life, I’ve been through something traumatic, but nothing is black and white, and I can appreciate the things that I have now”.

In CA: CW and the later Avengers movies, Steve’s continues developing new friendships, establishes somewhat of a life, and makes meaningful decisions for himself, based on his own ideals. He gets to grieve for Peggy, and even tries dating. (The whole Steve/Shannon debacle and the way she was treated, is a discussion for a whoole ‘nother day btw).

The fact that Steve gets to have Bucky back is of course already streching it in terms of realistic reprensentation of trauma. But I think that can be allowed, given that avenging Bucky and finding a tie between his old self, somebody who knew him all along, and now, makes up a complete storyline, that, aside from working really well, also tells a beautiful story about friendship.

(I mean the whole “one soulmate presumably dies, the other wakes up 70 years later, alone and feeling guilty, and it turns out his soulmate is actually alive, having been made a dangerous asset controlled by the enemy?? *cheff kiss* who comes up with that shit - okay, I might be little bit biased in this) :):):)

- Back to the point!

So, to sum up: 

Steve starts off feeling completely alone because of the unique nature of of his trauma, and realizes that at the core of it, there are people who can actually relate to what he is going through (the grief of a lost love, the loss of a friend and the guilt of not being able to save them, struggling with finding yourself as well as your place in the world, in the aftermath of a traumatic experience).

He moves on and begins letting people in, letting himself grieve and establishes new ties that bind him to his surroundings, when he finds out that there is no going back, only forward, and he is in fact not alone with his experience og trauma.

Now, Idk about those of you guys that have had to go through either one of the above or other types of trauma, but to me, this process doesn’t sound unfamiliar. 

I think that a lot of the reason why so many of us fell in love with Cap’s story, with the relationship between Steve and Bucky, Sam and Natasha, and the reason why these relationships are so inspired and well-written and exciting to examine in fandom content, is because this is a beautiful story about overcoming trauma in a nuanced and realistic way, of finding out that you’re not alone, and of using that knowledge to move forward. 

When Steve finally gets Bucky back, everything isn’t back to normal or okay. They both have still lost, both others and parts of themselves, and they still have to process a lot of trauma, and find their place in a new time. 

But that’s okay, because overcoming trauma is possible, even if it doesn’t magically go away. And it will be okay, because they have someone by their side who can get what they’re going through. 

And I think a lot of us relate to that. And I also think that that’s a really important representation of trauma and of friendship and love (be it platonic or otherwise) between men, within a far-reaching franchise such as the MCU.

But oh no, MCU just had to get in a frantic Gay Panic over the fact that people fell for these beautiful dynamics and were inspired to create stories and art examining that, to more explicitely fit the reprensentation that they need, that they threw all of out the window, just to go out of their way in both Infinity War and Endgame, to ensure that there could be interpreted exactly zero Gayness between Steve and Bucky, and not even the smallest possibility of Steve not being 100% straight would be left open,

Leading to an ending that is the exact opposite of a healthy narrative when it comes to dealing with trauma:

- Little guy gets the buff body and the Girl, and then all the bad was gone and everything was perfect - 

While completely ignoring the fact that he’s leaving his life and his friends behind, to go to a place where he knows nobody and his best friend is actively being tortured, and Steve will have to not be noticed in the past, probably leading to a very isolated life.

And thus, MCU managed to fuck up when it comes to appreciating their LGBTQ+ audience, representing healthy depictions of coping with trauma, as well as male friendship and non-toxic masculinity.

Only for this short clip, that would leave us all very dissapointed and confused:

Way to go. 

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far:)

[iamanartichoke]

I need spoilers for episodes 5 and 6. They've got to be out there. I can't take two more weeks of this.

I think what's giving me this vaguely ill feeling, right now, is the sinking realization that there was no grander plan behind Loki's getting drunk, breaking the Timepad, just general kinda incompetent behavior. There were theories and there were hints and subtext and it amounted to nothing.

Cut for spoilers/negativity, sorry.

Basically I'm getting major "that opening scene in IW was just too full of holes, the-sun-will-shine-on-us-again, one little dagger, Loki has to have something up his sleeve - oh .... no, no he's really dead, there was no greater plan" flashbacks.

It's so incredibly frustrating for Loki's narrative to come so close to something profound, again and again, only to swing and miss at the last second. The pieces are there. The threads are there. And tptb keep choosing to just ... sit on them, bc idk, it's easier for Loki's complexity to remain unexplored?

Tom says that episodes 4 and 5 are where the series takes off and I'm just like, you can't wait until the second to last episodes to have something happen! You've been dropping breadcrumbs since episode 1 - episodes 4 and 5 are where you start to sweep them up! You've only got 6 total!

Also, I was really interpreting Loki having confused friendship with romance, bc that's what makes the most sense for his character but then there was this, and the aforementioned 'oh so this really is just surface-level material and I shouldn't even waste my time examining the subtext and context clues' feeling occurs. (Note - this article isn't overly flattering to Loki, bc of course it isn't, so just be aware of that before reading.)

So, yeah, it's just - it's not exactly the content of this episode that has me so upset. I can live with bad plots and dangling threads. Lord knows I tolerate other, arguably much more terrible tv shows for the sake of the parts I like (Reign, Once Upon a Time, a few seasons of Pretty Little Liars, just to name a few).

It's not the content. It's the refusal of tptb to take Loki's character to the depths he deserves, especially since they promised us that this series would really explore his identity and his gender and all of these things that the fandom mostly has wanted. It's frustration in the overall way the surface-level plot makes Loki's characterization suffer. And it's definitely the trigger of those feelings of heartbreak and fury and denial and grief that followed IW. I practically have ptsd from that death scene.

(I realize that these are hefty words to use to describe one's reaction to fiction, especially in the sense that an emotional downward spiral is being legitimately triggered by a tv show, but - look, everyone already knew I was cringe, okay, so leave me alone with my feelings.)

I think that if the show had more episodes, there would have been hope for it? Like all the breadcrumbs that have been dropped implied lots of fascinating things to be explored, but they just didn't have room to explore them as thoroughly as they'd need to in order for all of it to have an impact. Loki/Sylvie does not feel earned. Mobius turned on the TVA super quickly (so did B-15, for that matter). Ravonna went from kinda sus to outright villain in, like, ten minutes. And Loki and Mobius's friendship didn't exactly come out of nowhere, bc it was set up as the outcome from the first episode (in my opinion) but it did happen much too quickly. It wasn't earned, either. And the reason I'm harping on this is because these are all really good character journeys that could have been done so much better - yeah, even Loki/Sylvie - if they had just paced them better, used more of their own subtext, and had a few more episodes in which to develop the characters alongside the complicated plot.

(Yeah, there may be a season 2, but I'm not here for waiting a whole nother year or so for it to be filmed, produced, and released only for it to continue to ultimately not meet my expectations.)

So, yes. I'm sorry for the negativity; I realize I went from "hey I mostly liked this! It wasn't that bad!" to "I will ragequit and kill everyone in this story and then myself" in, like, a few hours but - well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'll most likely rewatch it again tonight. I may or may not cry it out and then do my best to enjoy the remaining two episodes for what they are, not for what they could or might be. Once the rawness of all of this fades, I'll focus on the things I liked and come up with my own headcanons, I suppose. Or maybe I'll overall change my mind again. Idk. Whatever. I just need a glass of wine and a few more xanax tbh. (Great. Now fiction is going to give me a drug problem as well lmfao.)

Also - it is actualy really, really funny that, if you think about it, it turns out that a fanfic by Tom isn't actually all that good. (I'm being facetious, but the general sentiment is true.) I'm sorry, Tom. I know you're excited about this and you said this episode was your favorite, so I hope you don't see some of these reactions (either here, or on twitter, or reddit, or wherever he may end up) and feel bad about yourself/your project. I guess there's just no universal cup of tea for everybody.

[forever-alone-su-au]

Chapter 1 The Wait (The Wake)

I, Steven Quartz Cutie Pie Demayo Universe, found myself alone in a strange, featureless room. There were no doors or windows or any indication of where I should go next. I wanted to know where I should go, so I could do what I came here to do. Face the music for my mother’s war crimes. Determined, I declared to the world, “I know my mom did something bad. Whatever Homeworld has in store for me... I'm ready!” There was a slight echoing in the room, but other than the sound of my voice, nothing.

“I said, I’m ready! It’s me, Rose Quartz!” The floors and walls were bright and uniform, and distantly reminded me of fluorescent lighting. All of the corners were perfectly rounded, and I didn’t think there was anyway out. Unnerved, I started to look around, and explore the room. Perhaps there was something to push or somewhere to place my hand, so a door would open up?

“Hello? Anybody?” I called out, despite knowing that no one was likely to answer me. “Lars? You there?” I didn’t even know what happened to Lars since we were separated. Was he taken to the zoo, after all? Or somewhere even worse?

Personally, I couldn’t think of anything worse than this, however. Trapped in a room with nothing to do, and nobody else to talk to? Was this it then? “Is this the punishment?” But it couldn’t be! “Come on! I know it's going to be worse than this!” Rose Quartz, mom, had shattered Pink Diamond. Wouldn’t the consequences be greater than this!?

I had no other choice at the time, there wasn’t any other way to save everybody from my own past mistakes, but now that I had the time to think… I didn’t want to pay for my mother’s crimes. But how was I ever going to get back home? Back to dad and the Gems? Back to Connie? “So whatever you're going to do…” Or was this how I tempted fate? In the entire place, there was only one wall with a bit of color on it. It was pink, and I slumped against it for the comfort of having my face squished against something. “Would you just do it already?” I couldn’t help but sound defeated.

Despite facing the other way, immediately, I knew what that ridiculous sound meant, and almost couldn’t believe my ears. It couldn’t be as easy as a door magically opening, could it? Of course, the door didn’t just magically appear by itself, but opened at the appearance of a blue Homeworld Gem, one I’d never met the type of before. She looked kind of like Pinocchio, but with a crescent hood, sort of like a crescent moon really, and surrounded by a multitude of screens suspended mid-air, which followed wherever she went. Also, she was sweating quite profusely; the Gem seemingly preoccupied with the digital panel floating directly in front of her. I don’t think she even noticed I was there, she was so nervous, practically muttering to herself the whole time. “This is ridiculous!” Well, that was fine. I almost didn’t notice her either, if she hadn’t just come in through the new door in the wall. The door that closed just before I could escape through it, too.

“4,000 years of loyal service to the court, and this is what I get? Oh, I'm the unluckiest Zircon in the galaxy!” 

Thoroughly disappointed at this turn of events, I turn towards the apparent Zircon, who gasps as she realizes I was there all along.

“Wait, are you…” Zircon starts, looking back to where she’d just come through, as if she came through the wrong door, and was checking to see if she was where she was supposed to be. “Rose Quartz?”

Reluctantly I answered her, because it was true in a way. “Yeah…” I might’ve been a hybrid, and I wasn’t actually my mom, but I was still a Rose Quartz… More importantly, I ‘was’ the infamous Rose Quartz, leader of the Gem Rebellion, or at least, I did possess her Gem. Even if I didn’t have her memories. “...Really.” Zircon drawled, sounding more than a little doubtful. Well, I was Rose’s son, but I didn’t think Homeworld Gems even knew what a son even was, so I didn’t even try.

“It’s a long story,” I told her. It felt like I’ve had to try and explain myself every time I met a new Homeworld Gem. Usually this was the part where I gear up to tell the new Homeworld Gem my backstory, but it didn’t seem like she wanted to hear it either.

“Don’t. Ugh! I’ve read the case files. Let’s just use this time to prepare your case.”

“Case?” I repeated, turning it into a question in the hopes that she’d answer me, however. She ignored this, and started ranting instead. It was familiar in a fashion, she was getting to be almost as neurotic as Pearl tended to be. “Ugh! What’s the point? This case is a sham! We’ve all heard rumors of Pink Diamond’s demise, but I can’t believe these case files—” Zircon frantically scrolls though the front most screens. “Shattered by one of her own Quartz soldiers- Ugh! In front of her own entourage!? If it weren’t for all of these official documents meticulously filed and carefully collected reports from multiple eyewitnesses, I’d say someone must be tumbling my rocks with these absurd claims.”

Unsure of how to respond to her rant, I kept my mouth shut. Y’know just in case. It could all turn out that mom wasn’t a war criminal, after all. And that I could just go home… Now if only that were true, or if I even knew what was going on.

“You know,” Zircon pointed at me, looking me in the eyes. “You’re lucky you have a character eyewitness willing to take the stand for you, ‘Rose Quartz.’”

“Eyewitness? Take the stand? What does that mean- What’s going to happen!?” What did all of this have to do with my looming punishment?

“What did you think was going to happen, ‘Rose Quartz!’” Why does she keep doing that? I could practically hear the quotes around Rose Quartz. Does she actually believe that I’m not my mom? “As soon as that door opens, you’re going on trial!” Mouthing the word, hoping to make the concept of going to trial make any sort of sense, but before I could even begin to process it, I’m rocked to the core by the next words out of her mouth.

“And then there’s the claim that the Gem calling herself Rose Quartz, leader of the rebellion, isn’t even Rose Quartz.” My eyes turned as large as saucers, and my mouth fell open. “Or even a Rose Quartz for that matter.

“What!?” That couldn’t be right! I am Rose Quartz! ...Right? Maybe it was a clerical error? I know I have a Rose Quartz Gem since I’ve seen what other Rose Quartz Gems are supposed to look like. Or, at least, I’ve seen them before, briefly, in Pink Diamond’s old bubble room on the Zoo ship.

“I know I don’t look like a,” and here, Steven lifted up his shirt to reveal what was most assuredly a “Rose Quartz—” “Even ignoring your ridiculous disguise-” Zircon folded over to get a closer look at my Gem, peering at it with squinted eyes. “Yes, just as reported and corroborated by two Rubies assigned to the Jasper retrieval mission- Your Gem is more of a pinkish red than the reddish pink of a true Rose Quartz.” Or am I wrong? Did the bubbles I saw Rose Quartz Gems through only make them look similar to my own?

A flash of bright light stuns my sight for a brief moment, “Wha—” and then when my sight clears, I realize Zircon, using her monocle, had just taken a picture of my Gem without asking my permission. Rude.

Making a little whooshing motion, I guess she filed it away into her monocle.

Ah. “Wait! I’ve told Navy my Gem looks like this, because my body isn’t made out of hard light, so—” Zircon turns towards me to speak, giving me her full attention, instead of continue fiddling with one of her screens.

“Yes,” Zircon elucidates, articulating clearly, without a slight lisp for the first time since I met her. “Who hasn’t heard of what happens to a Gem when she doesn’t get enough solar power?” Zircon asks me rhetorically. “The dimming of a Gem isn’t unheard of, but it doesn’t change a Gem’s hue. Now dim lighting is a whole nother situation.” Turning away, Zircon briefly glances back to her files on the screens suspended mid-air, skimming the text in front of her before turning her attention back to me. Pointer finger pointed upwards, Zircon affected a familiar and nostalgic lecturing tone. “Lighting and other environmental factors can affect the cast of a Gem, and can make her temporarily look a different color, but take her out of such an environment, and the problem is solved.”

“For example, blue lighting can make a yellow Gem look green, but it’s purely superficial.” Still facing the screen in front of her, finger posed in front of the screen, she glances back to look me in the face. “Yet a yellow Gem is still a yellow Gem, no matter what it looks like, in certain lighting. And a reddish pink Gem shouldn’t look pinkish red.” Spreading her arms out, Zircon indicated the wider room, the room which reminded me of fluorescent lighting with it’s walls emitting bright white light. “Especially in the light of this waiting room where there’s no red light to give your Gem a reddish cast.”

Just as Zircon looked about to speak up, to ask me what kind of Quartz I really was perhaps, I accidentally spoke over her. “Well, if I’m not a Rose Quartz than what am I!?” Too impatient to glean the answer from her, and acting rude, I could feel myself adopt a blush.

Expressing just how ridiculous she thought I was being, Zircon gave my face a hard search, expecting me to be ‘tumbling her rocks’ maybe. “Are you being serious right now?” My face must have been communicating how Serious Steven I was being, because she looked to finally be taking me seriously. Which could only be good, because by this point, I was completely lost. “Of course you are.” Plus she sighed after looking at me again. “Just… don’t expect me to know either! I’m a Zircon, not a Kindergartener. It’s my job to defend your case in Court, not find out whatever cut and facet you could possibly be.” “Just-” Here, Zircon closed her eyes, looking weathered, and rubbed her tired eyes. “Tell me what you’re going to say in Court, so I can help you make your case.”

Going over what I planned to say in court seemed perfectly reasonable, so I started to tell my new friend what exactly it was that I planned to say… “I’m-” Looking to my right, I suddenly felt embarrassed, but I was going to be determined, I reminded myself, comfortingly. “I’m guilty! Everything you guys said I did, I did. And I did it by myself. And I'm sorry. I'll accept any punishment you want to give me.”

“Whoa! Stop, stop!” Frantically, Zircon made a crossed out gesture with her arms. “Don’t say that! That’s the worst possible thing you could say in Court.” Zircon thought to herself that it also sounded absolutely ridiculous! “But I am guilty! So what if my mom- So what if I’m not a Rose Quartz!? I’m still guilty!” Opening her mouth, it looked like Zircon wanted to refute what I’d just said, but suddenly decided against it. Did she change her mind? Squinting her eyes at me, Zircon leaned into my personal space a little bit, which made me feel extra nervous, and lean backwards a tad. After a moment, she asked me, “Than how?” In the sanctity of her own mind, Zircon was starting to have her own suspicions about this strange, erratic Gem.

Not expecting the question, I could only let out a confused, “Huh?” Real smooth Steven. At least, this was just a practice run and not the actual trial.

“You can’t expect to say all of that, and not be questioned on how you did it. This is a trial, after all.” Zircon didn’t repeat what she’d said earlier about how much of a sham this trial really was, however.

“Um… Okay. It was in front of Pink Diamond’s palanquin. I was probably like, "Stop!" and she was all like, "No!", so we fought, I think. And she probably did some cool moves. I probably did some cool moves too, some jump kicks and stuff.”

“Stop, stop, stop!” Zircon made an abortive motion with her hands. “What are you saying!? "Like" this, "probably" that! Oh, what are you thinking going "I think"!?” The more heated Zircon became, the more her hands waved about. It looked like Zircon was at risk of having a stroke. …Or a caffeine overdose.

But Zircon couldn’t help herself, she found the Gem in front of her beyond frustrating.

“Some jump kicks and stuff!?” Exasperated, Zircon lifted her head back, and raised her hands imploringly. “Please work with me here.” She could only hope for the ground to open up and just take her now.

“What do you think this is? An imperial trial or some back alley reenactment!?” Zircon placed her hands on my shoulders, and squeezed, just a little bit. “Please choose your words more carefully, both our Gems are on the line here!” Okay. Her words made me feel a little guilty, but I could tell it wasn’t on purpose. She really thought she might be shattered if she didn’t do well. “Look I... I just don't know how it actually happened, okay!?” …At least, her hands didn’t hurt, and instead felt sort of comforting to the touch.

“You don’t know!?” Zircon gripped the front of my shirt again, lifting me up more easily to her eye level this time. “Don’t tumble my rocks! Did you do this or not?” Seeing the look on the other’s face, Zircon lowered the other back down, but didn’t let go of the shirt. “Why are you so insistent on pleading guilty if you don’t actually know how it went down?” Did she want to die? “I’m not her, okay? But I’ve got her Gem, and she doesn’t exist anymore, so. In the end, I’m the one who’s got to pay for this!” It was so frustrating, having to explain myself like this. It often made me want to tear up. I looked away, so I didn’t have to look Zircon in the eyes, so she didn’t have to see my face. “She made me for this, to fix the problems she didn’t want to deal with.” “Oh,” Zircon’s breath left her, her mouth forming a little o. That, that was a lot to unpack right there. “Yeah, ‘oh,’” I mutter, ignoring the way my throat hurt, instead focusing on the floor. I wish I could see dad.

At first, Zircon had thought the weird little Gem in front of her was some sort of patsy. Her words had a certain polished quality to it, as if since her emergence, she’d been coached on what to say for just this sort of situation. It’d just made sense to Zircon. Some sort of neo-rebellion seeking legitimacy through a scapegoat Rose Quartz, ill-disguised to make her look guilty, and to cover up the fact that the Gem wasn’t a Rose Quartz. Stir up Homeworld and the rest of the Empire with rumors of the trial and summary execution of Rose Quartz, leader of the rebellion. Immortalizing her in stone, a martyr. The perfect conclusion to such suspicious circumstances. After all, Zircon had read the reports on how exactly the rebellion ended. How could there have been any survivors? But this? The more time Zircon spent talking to this Gem, the more—

“It doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense?” I felt too emotionally drained for anymore of this back and forth, but it always seemed like there was something more. “It just doesn’t make sense! That’s not how it works.” Zircon waved her arms around, trying to emphasize what she meant. “Only Diamonds can make—” Zircon was interrupted by the ridiculous sound of a door opening, causing the both of them to look towards the now looming, open door way. “...more Gems.” Zircon belatedly finishes, the two of us sharing a look. It was finally time to face the music. I, Steven Quartz Cutie Pie Demayo Universe, was going to trial… as daunting as that sounded.

[violentviolette]

So I was on your fandom blog and I saw that you believe Bakugou (at least in assuming) to have ASPD. Is wondering if you could expand on that? I personally see him as NPD but I'd love to hear your side of things

first off anon bless u for being on my fandom blog that takes courage cause it’s a wicked hot mess over there lol and secondly to everyone else yes im about to spend an embarrassing amount of effort overanalyzing an anime man, no u shouldn’t apply this logic to diagnosing real people u don’t know or urself, no its not that deep but yes u can fuck right off if u wanna cry about me headcanoning ur favs with “shitty” illnesses. eat my dick.

But now down to the good shit! So I actually think bakugou has comorbid aspd/npd. But for this since u said u already see him as having npd I’ll just focus on the aspd criteria but im totally down to talk more about npd as well if u wanna. (the rest is under a cut because frankly mobile users would have drawn and quartered me otherwise)

So first im gonna go thru the dsm v criteria that are required for diagnosis that bakugou fits/exhibits (leaving out the few things that don’t pertain to him just for length and also because not every person has to fit every single criteria to qualify)

1. Significant impairments in personality as manifested by

a. identity (self esteem derived from power, pleasure, or personal gain), self direction (goal setting based on personal gratification, absence of prosocial standards and culturally normal ethical behavior)

katsukis entire sense of self is built upon his ability to “win” and to always be number one and come out on top. He absolutely cant stand to be viewed as less than that because if so, his entire sense of self begins to crumble. Part of the reason he’s so antagonistic towards Izuku in the early chapters is the fact that Izuku challenges that identity. He (unintentionally and intentionally) challenges katsuki and wont give way to him (which is the right thing to do, but we see how “well” katsuki handles that). He also doesn’t have a good sense of “prosocial standards.” katsuki has created his own internal sense of morals and values, he’s decided whats worth his time and effort based on his own opinions and not on what society deems worthwhile behavior. He’s constantly getting admonished that his attitude “isn’t that of a hero” because his values are different than the ones of the society around him. But he doesn’t care, as long as he “wins” then everythings good. And its not until he stops “winning” and his behavior begins to get in the way of his goals does he begin to realize that he has a problem.

b. impairments in interpersonal functioning as manifested by lack of empathy (lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others) and lack of intimacy (incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, use of dominance or intimidation to control others)

I could frankly write a whole essay about just this bit alone but I’ll try to condense my thoughts. So. Lets talk about katsukis lack of empathy. This boy wouldn’t know another person’s emotions if they walked up and punched him in the face. Which they do. On multiple occasions. But I digress. Katsuki is known for his shitty bedside manner, his lack of concern for the feelings of others is literally what cost him his provisional license, but aside from with Izuku (who we’ve established is a source of Baggage for katsuki and shouldn’t be counted among his normal behavior because at the start of the series they BOTH bring out the worst in one another and overcoming that is part of both of their character arcs and growth and a main theme of the damn story. Win and save. Save and win. Ahem. But again I digress) katsuki isn’t vindictive or cruel in an unnecessary way about other peoples emotions. He doesn’t use them against people, it just doesn’t occur to him that they exist. But as we see katsuki grow and begin to try and change his unhealthy behavior, we see that he’s not oblivious of others emotions in the same way todoroki is (who I headcanon as autistic along with izuku (who also has adhd), but that’s a whole nother post lol), he just doesn’t know what to do with them. He can handle things like kirishima feeling insecure, because he can logically talk to him about how strong he is to encourage and support him, but really struggles with more intimate and open forms of emotional support, like with Izuku.

He also struggles with forming prosocial bonds and friends. At the start of the series katsuki doesn’t have friends, he has lackeys he controls with intimidation and fear because he doesn’t know any other way to be. He has trust and intimacy issues and doesn’t like people getting too close to him because he feels displays of vulnerability are what makes someone weak (see those asocial morals and values we talked about earlier). After his time at UA, a few large helpings of some humble pie, and the diligent and hard work of a small group of fearless idiots (aka kaminari whose literally too prosocial for his own good and has zero self preservation instincts, and kirishima who has an endless supply of patience and understands empathy and other peoples emotions to a degree that’s baffling to me) he is able to start deconstructing that idea and realizing that u can be vulnerable and let people close to u and still be strong. That the mortifying ordeal of being known isn’t actually the worst things ever. Also that when confronted with people who aren’t actually afraid of him, he doesn’t know how else to deter them from getting close to him. The fact that none of the other kids in 1-A take katsukis shit and even go so far as to pick on him and mock him and call him out on his bullshit is a MAJOR turning point for his socialization skills.

2. pathological personality traits in the following catagories

a. antagonism, characterized by hostility (persistent and frequent angry feelings, anger or irritability in response to minor slights or insults, nasty mean vengeful behavior), callousness (lack of concern for the feelings and problems of others)

I mean. Do I even have to expand on this point? I feel like no

b. disinhibition, characterized by impulsivity (acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli, acting without a plan or consideration for outcomes, difficulty establishing and following plans), risk taking (lack of concern for ones limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger, engaging in potentially risky and self-damaging activities without regard for consequences)

this is a criteria where u have to adjust for the world these characters are living in. but even then, by hero standards, katsuki is still impulsive. His teachers are constantly admonishing him in the early series for charging headfirst into a situation, loosing himself to his emotions and anger, and letting things get the better of him because hes not taking the time to properly assess the situation, this also bleeds into katsukis inability to work with others or ask for help. He charges headfirst into a situation by himself, blows up anything in his way, and then asks questions later. His teammates are often left totally in the dark to his plans, motives, or other moves and have to just play catch up to him the entire time. In the deku vs. kacchan 1 fight we see this behavior come out in full force. He has no plan, he blows up half the building with zero regard for their goals, and leaves iida completely in the dark. Momo pointing this all out and dragging him for filth during the recap is another wakeup moment for him, having to confront the realities of his impulsive and negative behavior whereas before he was only praised for it.

so if we take a look at even just that, which is still about ¾ of the diagnostic criteria, I think u can see where this really starts to explain his personality. Katsuki is hot headed, angry, impulsive, stubborn, selfish, he gets in his own way more often than not, he struggles with prosocial behavior, making friends, and relating emotionally to others. He has a hard time comforting people and usually does so in a blunt and logical way, he isn’t great at sympathy and being soft, kind, or gentle with other people. It takes a considerable amount of effort for him to realize where his world view and his morals and goals are warped and doing him more harm than good, and he absolutely cant stand to be vulnerable or honest about his feelings with others. 

All those things, imo, as someone with aspd & npd, are what make me feel like hes a good character representation of what the complexities of living with these disorders is like. Katsuki isn’t inherently a bad person, and as we see him grow and change, we see the ways in which hes becoming better, but its still hard for him. And despite what a lot of fandom thinks, if u look at the canon, the main person katsuki hurts with his behavior is himself. And I think that’s really important because people with aspd & npd are so often catagorized as abusive villians whose only goal in life is to hurt others. Whereas with katsuki we see where these things and this kind of thinking gets in the way of his goals and ultimately hurts him. and thats what I think makes him the most relatable and makes his growth all the much more satisfying. Katsuki is both fundamentally the same and an entirely different person from when we first meet him. his personality didn’t magically completely change, hes not just a tsundere whose suddenly all mushy feely and hyper empathetic, he’s just learning how to deal with his emotions and the world and getting better at being a healthy person.

So yea, those are my thoughts! There was apparently a whole 1600 words of them so my apologies for writing u a literal dissertation on this lol I just really love this fucking character

[marshmallowgoop]

Goop Plays Kill la Kill the Game: IF (Satsuki Episodes 9-10)

What.

Episode 9

Okay, before I get into the episode, I do have a confession to make: I did know some kinda spoilery things about the story mode before I started playing.

Me being me, I couldn’t help but read into every little thing that review copy owners said about the plot of the game prior to release. So, when my note about Hiromi Wakabayashi stating that IF was canon to the anime at last year’s Anime Expo seemed plausible enough to Globku that he even mentioned it in his review of the game, I figured something was up.

In a Discord group for IF, I wrote:

I think Globku was actually referring to a comment I made [in his review], where I noted that Wakabayashi said the game was canon at AX last year ^^;

But apparently it could fit into canon

Which....

mmmm

Dunno how to feel about that

Globku later responded:

@MarshmallowGoop correct

I was referring to your comment

that's the first I heard of it

I had thought "this could actually be canon" at the end of story mode

so hearing that made sense

And I answered:

I'm famous! :D

The thing is, though, I had thought it was a misspoken statement, given that the story was later stressed to be an AU. But here is the source:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nFRRTHkfwM&feature=youtu.be&t=45m2s

Or to sum it up, from one of my millions of articles: "We first got story details at Anime Expo’s Kill la Kill the Game: IF panel back in July, and the crowd there didn’t waste any time in asking if the game would be canon to the anime. Studio Trigger’s Hiromi Wakabayashi answered in the affirmative, prompting applause from the audience. 

'Yeah,' Wakabayashi said. “I consider them [the game and the anime] to be in the same universe, as part of the same story.'” 

I elaborated some more:

Takeshi Yamanaka, the game's producer, also said in a recent video, "Nakashima-sensei is going to be the one drawing the storyboards. As you might expect, there were parts of the story that he wasn’t able to tell in the anime, so he’s putting a lot of effort into writing a side story that wasn’t able to be told in the anime. It takes place before the point in the anime—before the Naturals Election takes place, so around episode… 8.5? It’s less of an alternate universe story and more a story that happened, but there wasn’t time to depict it. It wasn’t shown in the anime, but these events actually happened in Nakashima-san’s head."

Which... I thought was really curious.

source: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/185751744432/crunchyroll-on-twitter

And then I concluded by saying:

In any case, the confirmation that this "alternate story" could fit into the anime's story... kind of explains some things

Globku went on to warn me that “they really use a popular gimmick to make it all fit together” and I shouldn’t “get [my] hopes up,” and when Timodus, another review copy owner, shared the trophy list for the game, I immediately took note of how the achievement for beating the final boss in Ryuko’s story is called “Lost in a Dream.”

“inb4 the whole game was just a dream,” I said.

So, tl;dr, I was kind of expecting something like what happened in these two final chapters of Satsuki’s story.

But I’m still very, very lost.

Ragyo’s completely right. I’m not sure I can hope to understand!

Ragyo: You cannot hope to understand, dear.

I mean, what?

Ragyo: I suppose, though, that your obliviousness is what brought this situation about in the first place. A distorted world such as this can transcend space and time. One such as this can even be spun into a single yarn with the Primordial Life Fiber.

I suppose I should have seen something like this coming when it was stated in episode 4 that Life Fibers can transcend space, but I’m... very confused. Is this game a whole ‘nother universe that somehow ends up merging with the anime’s universe? Or is it just Satsuki’s dream, as the ending sort of implies? Or is it a “dream that’s more than a dream,” as is so common in Magical Girl stories (of which Kill la Kill takes many cues from)? Why does Ragyo refer to the world as “distorted”?

I’m sure Ryuko’s story will explain things more, but right now, I’m kind of scratching my head.

Trying to understand how this game fits into the anime aside, the battle with Ragyo in Shinra-Kouketsu is so much more difficult and more enjoyable than the final boss (as much as I enjoyed Junketsu-Shinzui). Once more, I really loved all the cute introductions as other characters joined Satsuki for the battle; Satsuki saying that she’s counting on Gamagoori and that she never imagined fighting with Ryuko by her side is so sweet. Satsuki’s comment to Nonon that she shouldn’t hold back also caught my interest, as it implies that Nonon might have seen Ragyo as a much kinder figure and wasn’t aware of her horrible abuses against Satsuki.

Hey, I know the consensus on this game has gone from generally positive to really mixed, but, uh, could we please get a Kill la Kill prequel someday? I mean, Little Witch Academia is getting another game despite the first one basically being a critical failure, right?

All that said, this episode really hammered home that I was definitely hoping for too much depth from a short story in an anime tie-in game. I kinda had the same reaction as Ryuko. That’s... it?

Ryuko: That’s it? It’s over?

And, uh, relating to my discussion of the last few episodes, Rei is totally dead, but is Ragyo? And Nui? I wasn’t completely sure, but if they are, is everyone just kinda “whatever” about that? They’re all teenagers who just killed a bunch of folks, nbd?

O... kay.

More positively, I loved the bit where Satsuki saw visions of the anime. All of those visions are about being with Ryuko, my heart. And the first one is her apology on the Naked Sol. My heart.

The style on these images is also really nice, too.

Can’t say I know at all what’s going on—does Satsuki end up just standing still after this because she realizes that the world is all fake or something?—but I was kind of expecting to dislike a gimmicky dream plot or whatever, but I actually... like it?

At least, so far, anyway.

Episode 10

Speaking of stuff I was expecting to dislike, I wrote a whole essay years ago about how I didn’t think Junketsu-Shinzui would be thematically fitting. In another essay, I argued, “Their [Satsuki and Junketsu’s] destructive “bond” is likely why Junketsu-Shinzui, the super-mode Junketsu version of Senketsu-Kisaragi, is never used. In a series quite literally about the power of friendship, having great strength come in the form of the exact opposite simply doesn’t work.”

But having Junketsu-Shinzui come from absorbing the uniforms of the Elite Four⁠—much like how Senketsu-Kisaragi came from absorbing other uniforms—made it work for me. It’s about friendship overpowering the monster that is Junketsu, not about power coming from domination, hatred, and control. It’s actually pretty sweet.

And Satsuki looks so beautiful.

However... I will say that I was hoping for a lot more from this story than what happened. There was none of the Senketsu and Satsuki bonding that I was dying for (sob), and Satsuki doesn’t grow at all as a person from the storyline here. She never realizes her mistakes and vows to be better as she does in the anime. 

Initially, I was really bummed by this lack of development. But as I thought about things more, I... didn’t mind so much. If this dream or universe or whatever is something that Satsuki “experiences” before the events of the anime, of course she won’t grow as a character here. Maybe this game is kind of the Kill la Kill prequel I’ve been begging for for over half a decade.

And as much as I didn’t get anything, I thought the ending bits between Ryuko and Satsuki were so good. 

Like, I suppose Ryuko’s absorbing the Life Fibers or something?? But wow, pretty.

And the part where they talk before Satsuki disappears? That’s my kinda anime bullshit. It’s the kinda anime bullshit I wanted from the OVA between Ryuko and Senketsu. 

You know that scene in Wolf Children where Hana and the Wolf Man talk in the end? I have a lot of problems with that movie, but I just love things like that. Good shit.

Satsuki: Thank you. I am sorry for all the trouble.

Ryuko: Huh! Don’t get all mushy. Besides, there’s a few things we still gotta settle.

Satsuki: Indeed we have. Until we meet again.

But, okay. My questions are endless.

Where the heck did Ryuko and Senketsu go in that last battle? How the heck can Senketsu-Kisaragi happen in Ryuko’s side of the story? What the heck happened to my boy, anyway? (I’m assuming he died, but....)

And what’s the symbolism of Satsuki needing to cut herself in half to “wake up”?

And why do all the ties between humans and Life Fibers have to be severed when Ryuko and Senketsu are so lovely together? Not to mention that Ryuko still has Life Fibers in her, right?

Satsuki: The ties between humans and Life Fibers... shall be severed!

And I thought I was expecting too much from those ominous trailer lines, but apparently not?

Ragyo: All of this is because of you, Satsuki. Because of who you are.

You cannot hope to understand, dear. I suppose, though... that your obliviousness is what brought this situation about in the first place.

But what does it mean????

Why is Satsuki having this “dream” or whatever in the first place? Did the Life Fibers ultimately want the ending of the anime, and this “world” is to help Satsuki and co reach that ending? I mean, why else would the Primordial Life Fiber baby show Satsuki all those bits from the anime?

Also, what is the significance of the final boss basically being a big baby.

I just. I don’t even know.

I do also have to wonder how much of this “world” that Satsuki remembers in the end. I tend to forget my dreams (when I actually have them) really quickly, and that’s honestly the only reason that I can make sense of this story. Satsuki experienced all of this stuff, but all she really remembers about it is that girl with the red in her hair and one half of a giant pair of scissors...

It’s kinda poetic. Nakashima is a playwright, I suppose.

The story also reminds me of a fanfiction I’ve wanted to write. In the story, I too wanted to use some BS Life Fiber explanation to justify time travel of sorts. The idea was that Ryuko would continuously go back to the past to try to prevent Senketsu’s death. But she’d only remember previously living through the events of the anime close to its ending, and no matter how many times she’d try, she’d never be able to change the fact that Senketsu had to perish.

The final time she tries, she’d confess everything to Senketsu, and he’d say something about how some things are just meant to be. The future is as set in stone as the past.

I don’t think I’ll ever write it⁠—especially after I just revealed the whole plot, lol—but I dunno. I kinda liked seeing something a bit reminiscent of my idea in an actual “canon” Kill la Kill story, and Senketsu’s line in the preview for Ryuko’s half of the game makes me curious if there won’t be some more similarities coming up.

Senketsu: When humans realize the world they desire is a fleeting thing, will they be able to accept it?

Maybe the world Ryuko desires is a world where Senketsu lives, but that kind of world would be fleeting—but that’s enough for her.

Orrr I’m probably just being too optimistic for more stuff about my babies. 

But, c’mon, Senketsu says he’s getting more action in Ryuko’s story! So! Let a girl dream!

At the end of the day, I think what I’ve wanted most from this story is more respect towards Senketsu. And... since I didn’t see Imaishi’s name in the credits, I’m hoping that at least that much happens.

But speaking of the credits, I’m sad I didn’t get mentioned, lol. Playing the game at Sakura-Con and Anime Expo apparently didn’t count!

[ineffablefool]

Some meditations on being a fat human being, in the era of Good Omens series fandom.  Not n//sf/w, really (hi my name is Jack I’m ace and supremely uninterested in sexytimes), but really personal and also long, so I’ll stick it behind a readmore.  I suppose if another fat human being had thoughts they wanted to tack on, they could reblog to do so, but I don’t expect this to be a particularly rebloggable thing.  Just thinkin’ out loud (via clickety fingies).

I have been... okay, more or less, with how my body looks, for a while.  (Minus all the things about it that make me get “she” and “her” and “ma’am” everywhere I go, with exactly three glorious exceptions in the ~4 years since I realized that those weren’t right.  That is a whole ‘nother bucket of bears.)  I’ve been on Tumblr over on my main account since 2013, and the entire time I’ve been immersing myself in fat positivity and in fat activism by wonderful accounts like ok2befat and bigfatscience and thisisthinprivilege.  So I’ve been basically okay. 

It sucks how hard it is to find clothing that I like which doesn’t completely exclude my particular set of proportions.  It sucks that my saint of a boss had to literally fight our HR department to change the company policy on flights for business, because the previous policy would have forced me to fly 18 hours in an economy-class seat much smaller than I am when I visit India in a couple months.  It sucks that my body is still the “oh, is this disgusting thing a dealbreaker for you” question on dating websites, and that it’s still the butt of every third Trump joke.  It sucks.  But I’ve gotten better over the years at the skill of seeing my body as not the problem, but an innocent bystander in everyone else’s bullshit.  Clothing and plane seats and humor don’t spring from the earth to be harvested and consumed raw.  People decide how to make them.  People can decide differently.

Anyway.  I’ve been pretty much okay with Body.  Body’s fine.  It’s a good pal.  It gets me where I need to be, and it lets me run around in little circles pretending to be an airplane when I’m bored.  I spend some time with it in partial states of undress now and then (I’m too much of a germaphobe to ever be a naturist, let’s put it that way), just so I can keep myself familiar with what it really looks like.  Y’know how the horror movie monster is really scary up until they actually show it?  Same thing, except fewer blood squibs.

But here’s all this Good Omens stuff.

A lot of the fandom has embraced the slight pudginess of Michael Sheen’s Aziraphale, and a lot of artists are putting that into their work.  And a blessed wonderful few aren’t stopping there.  They’re drawing Aziraphales that are more than just a tiny bit pudgy, sometimes that are just plain fat, unquestionably, not just “a little larger than the very thin rendition of Crowley” or “wearing a lot of layers” or “the clothes are just cut that way”.  Really, really adorable renditions of fat angels who are clearly loveable and clearly loved because look, the artist drew them together, Crowley is right there and he doesn’t have that look on his face by accident.

(There are book renditions floating around too where people have headcanoned a fatter Aziraphale, but I’m still talking miniseries right now.  Also, there are plenty of sort of... cartoony/stylized/silly renditions out there with fatter Aziraphales, but I’m not really talking about those either.  There’s a sort of area of artwork where the style or the scene being depicted is such that my brain is surprised when any of the characters is fat, because this is a pretty drawing of two people kissing or whatever and therefore obviously they have to both be thin.  Obviously.  Internalized fatphobia nonsense.  But that’s the kind of artwork I’m thinking when I type all these zillions of words.)

And that’s a choice, to say “I’m an artist and I’m going to draw this character who is worth being the recipient of a 6000-year-long love, and that character is fat, and that’s just how it is”.  And to keep doing it in one piece of art after the other.

speremint was the first artist I noticed doing this, drawing an Aziraphale who is loved by Crowley (the sacred apple tree art still cracks me up, poor Crowley) and who is definitely fat and who is adorable, and if you’ve read the notes on any of my fics you know that she singlehandedly changed how I picture my headcanon’d Aziraphale.  Then I discovered that dotstronaut and lonicera-caprifolium and toastedbuckwheat are out there too, giving me lovely art to shove into my eyeballs and extend my lifespan potentially indefinitely.  I bet there’s more I haven’t noticed yet.  I want there to be like a hundred more I haven’t noticed yet.

And this all ticks over into the second half of what’s apparently a manifesto at this point, boy it’s a good thing I’m a fast typist, which is the fact that in addition to being a fat human, I am also romantically and aesthetically attracted to fat humans.  It’s something I’ve pretty much literally had no opportunity to ever express, because in my Real Life I don’t really admit to having feelings per se and also I am... not the type of human who is the recipient of romantic thoughts from others.  Or who would ever act on my own unless the other party said something first.  (Which nobody ever has since 2006, you guys.  Supremely not the recipient of romance over here.)

So there’s this fandom environment where a fat character is being celebrated and loved, and I started writing fanfiction for the first time this century, and all of a sudden there’s a place for me to express feelings that I’ve been sitting on since I finally realized in about 2001 what it was about that one guy in high school that made me want to hug him, even though I also couldn’t stand his attitude.

Going through my fics from oldest to most recent, it is clear that I am getting more and more comfortable with that expression.  It’s getting ridiculous.  At this rate, in three weeks’ time I’m just going to be writing “Aziraphale is fat and beautiful and I just want to cuddle his belly forever” over and over again for five thousand words at a stretch.

But that means Brain is thinking a lot about how Aziraphale is fat, and beautiful, and perfect exactly how he is.  And then Brain looks down at Body and is like “hmm.  Same hat.  ineffablefool is fat too.  Therefore, [insert math lady meme here]”.  And I will be, like, “okay, so if Crowley were to put his hand on Aziraphale’s belly, what would that feel or look like?  How would his internal narration describe it?  Well, there’s a belly right here, let’s do some science.”  And then the thoughts that I start associating with the experience of my own body are completely good thoughts, all of them, because they’re going to be going in Crowley’s head.  And my written Crowley is never going to be anything other than madly in asexual romantic love with my written Aziraphale, and is never going to see him as anything other than perfect, physically, no matter what he looks like.

And it’s just being a really good positive feedback mechanism, I guess is the tl;dr version.  External validation (via art, via others’ fics, via comments on my own fics, btw if you’ve left any of those then you are also helping extend my lifespan, especially the people who come back to comment on each new story, yes I recognize you and I do a little happy dance every time a familiar name pops up, please rejoin me on Monday I’m going to post my dickwheelie letters fic) is all well and good.  But the mental loop of “own body can be used for realistic descriptions of a fat body -> descriptions based on own body are all lovingly positive -> own body is therefore described by self as lovingly positive” is... it’s nice, is what I’m saying.  It’s very nice.  Last week I expressed, out loud in a group of coworkers, my desire that something be more size-inclusive.  Do you even know how many deaths I would once have suffered rather than say something like that in mixed company.  But why shouldn’t I say it!  There’s nothing wrong with my being fat!  In fact, it’s within the realm of possibility to see it as a positive thing, so let’s just all admit that we have eyes and then move on!  Geez!

So those are some of my thoughts on being a fat human being, in the era of Good Omens series fandom.

now if I can just score a hot fat ace Ineffable Significant Other out of this fandom, I’ll be set

[chaoskirin]

Fanfic -- A Temporal Folly -- CHAPTER 3

Fandom: Queen Genre: Sci-fi/Horror Rating: PG-13 Chapter Title: Disengaged (Chapter Three) Word Count: 1289 Chapter Summary: Time for an explanation. Don’t worry. It’s not a good one, because I need to keep y’all in suspense.

In the miniscule corridors between reality Even within the atom-thin breaches between universes Dwells every pathway linked together In an infinite tangle of inevitability From which every Being must select between Survival or Extinction

Brian and Roger stared. After a moment, Brian even got up, pacing a few steps away to stand next to Roger so he could stare with even more intensity.

John hated when they did that. With all their combined years, they could have at least figured that out at the very least. Not that John was any younger than they were. Not really.

"There's actually more of me," John said, averting his eyes from theirs. "A lot more. I didn't meet them all, but in a universe cluster like ours, there's at least a dozen. But I guess it's only the two of us that mattered. It was... 1994 I think, that I figured it out. We, rather. Him and me."

"You know," Roger interrupted. "I just have this feeling he's going to tell us something ridiculous and insane. Is it weird that I already believe it?"

Brian shook his head. "No. After all, I should be devastated, shouldn't I? One of our brothers just died, and I'm standing here like it didn't mean--"

"He wasn't..." John started. "He wasn't your--we were brothers?"

He couldn't quite explain the expression on Brian's face, but it contained an array of confusion, concern, and devastation. A pain which John often saw--once upon a time--and never understood until now. Meanwhile, Roger's eyes were narrowed almost accusingly. Between the two of them, Brian had more book intelligence than he knew what to do with, while Roger's imagination was already putting things together, making that jump from reality to the absurd.

"Of course, John," Brian said.

As much as that made his heart soar, it hurt John to hear it. Not because he disagreed, but because he'd been alone for so long, all because he went chasing after one person at the expense of others. He regretted it, least of all because the whole thing failed with only the quietest whisper of a fanfare to indicate there'd been any disturbance at all.

Despite thinking for years about how he'd tell them what happened, John found his well-rehearsed explanation completely inefficient. Ridiculously hot-winded and overstated. Roger and Brian didn't need to know every single miniscule iota of information, and they wouldn't want it spelled out like a once-upon-a-time where the end left its listeners disturbed and uneasy.

Slumping, the ugly orange couch creaking beneath him, John rubbed at his temples. The lights flickered a bit. One of the stage crew asked if they were expecting storms.

The Cliff's Notes version of the story would be better.

"You can't time-travel in your own universe," he said.

"Time travel," Roger replied. It was more of a statement than a question.

"Me and--Well, me," John went on, "figured out how to communicate through universes. If you know how to build it, you can create a sim fragment that measures reality--" He found himself slipping into the expositional, unnecessary dialogue. "We switched places. He was from a universe where Queen never took off, and Freddie Mercury never... Uh. Freddie was still alive. In his universe."

"That's ridiculous," Roger said. "Queen not taking off? Now I know this isn't--"

Brian elbowed him. Roger grumbled and hunched his shoulders.

"It didn't. And the other me wasn't in a band. He didn't know any of the songs. He could still play, but he..." John trailed off again. "I think he wanted it. He was different from me, enough that I noticed. But it never worked out for him."

"Back to the point, though," Brian said. The lights flickered again. "You went to get Freddie--a different Freddie--and bring him back here."

John nodded. "He wouldn't have known our songs, but he could have learned..." He shook his head, waving his arms to banish the memories of his initial hopes. "It was stupid. It was a mistake. See, time is kind of like a video game. It's written in a certain order. It's coded a specific way. And even though you can't time-travel in your own universe, you can sort of... pull yourself out of your own timeline and put yourself back down in another one. At any point. Past or future. We just didn't realize that when we did that, we sort of glitched the game. It forgot how to run. And where John went--the other one--things continued as normal, right up until he died. But I went backward in time. We didn't realize you couldn't do that."

"What happened?" Roger prompted.

John closed his eyes. He'd been so lonely. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about what happened. His mistake. His purgatory.

"John?" Brian asked.

"I'll tell you. I promise. Just... not now."

Brian nodded. "It's all right. Maybe when you've gotten some sleep--"

"There a whole 'nother problem we gotta worry about," Roger grumbled, pointing at John. How had he gotten so gruff and brash in his older years? "He's supposed to be dead. Not... here, like he's come right out of the past for a chat and a cup of tea."

"Yes. It'll be a problem," John said. "I guess I theorized that I'd rubber band back here when the other John passed. I'm... surprised he kept up the secret the whole time. Kept it from you two."

Roger and Brian glanced at each other, then looked at the floor in almost perfect synchronization. "John really didn't talk to anyone much," Brian said, then amended. "The... other... John I suppose. We hadn't heard from him in years. Sometimes he'd email, but he stopped taking my calls years ago."

"Mine, too," Roger said. "Once I got through to him pretending to be a telemarketer. Got a--what are they called? They say it in the movies. A burner phone! Yeah, the ones you pay for minutes on. Was good to hear his voice."

Brian rolled his eyes. "And?"

"He hung up on me when he realized who it was."

John put his face in his hands. Not only had he abandoned his friends, but the replacement completely cut them out. He must have been terrified, though. Unable to connect with these people he'd never known, he isolated himself entirely.

He felt the couch sink next to him. Peering through his fingers, he saw Brian there again. "It's all right," he said, leaning against John's shoulder. Unable to help it, John wrapped his arms around Brian in a tight hug. Maybe they hadn't ever been super close, but it was so good to hear his voice again. Brian returned the gesture.

He smelled of light cologne. Of travel--the inside of garment bags and the sterile scent of plastic. But also of life and sweat and vitality. Roger sat down on the other side, awkwardly draping one arm over them both. John had to chuckle as Brian sniffled.

"We missed you, John," Brian said. "It'll be a little weird--"

"A little?" Roger demanded. "Look at him. He's practically a baby!"

"A little," Brian repeated. "But it'll be good to have you back."

"And my family?" John asked. The lights flickered again. The electricity buzzed angrily before they came back on.

"He's still--" Roger started, then paused. "Feels weird to say it. I'm not quite sure my brain believes it yet. The... other John... He took care of them."

Bittersweet. But at least he had that. At least his wife and kids were taken care of.

The lights flashed again, becoming impossibly bright for just a second, before the whole arena went dark.

[unfortunately-lovestruck]

Colors

This is a cute fluff for Diego and MC requested by @seducemeotome-trash. Thank you for your request, I had so much fun writing it!

Note: This is post vampire transformation for MC, just to clarify the timing.

As always, enjoy!

Colors

“Do you want creme or white for the color scheme?” Diego asked MC.

“There’s a difference?” she blinked.

He laughed, the two color samples still in his hand. MC knew as a vampire one didn’t need any sleep, but she was exhausted enough to do so. Planning a wedding in general was supposed to be difficult, but planning a big wedding was a whole nother monster in itself.

“Oh God, don’t tell me ‘eggshell’ is another shade that’s completely different from the two,” she groaned.

“Um,” Diego cleared his throat, putting back another sample.

“Fucking-” MC threw her hands up, “Is ‘cloud’ different from ‘white’?”

“In some stores, yeah,” he smiled, MC sighing in response. “…Hey, maybe we should save this for tomorrow,” he told her. “This seems nerve-wracking for you.”

“A bit,” she admitted, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he rubbed her arm gently, “This is stressing you out. Besides, the store’s about to close anyway.”

“Uhh- oh it is,” she realized. Half the lights were dimmed and the last customers were leaving.

“Yeah, we can just keep looking tomorrow,” Diego smiled, “We have all the time we need.”

She smiled back, letting him kiss her temple. They left the store before an employee could urge (kick) them out, and continued their conversation in MC’s truck. The radio played softly in between them, a lulled, gentle song with drawn out vocals and steady guitar playing in the back.

“I still don’t see the difference between eggshell and white,” MC lamented, “Eggs are white.”

“Some aren’t,” Diego reminded.

“Okay, but why? Why are some eggs white while others are brown?”

“MC, out of all the subject matters I’ve become well-versed in over the last several centuries, egg anatomy and coloring is not one of them,” he blinked.

“Fair,” she commended, turning the steering wheel, “But next thing I know, you’re gonna be telling me there are 500 different shades of red.”

“Oh God,” he sighed, “Don’t even get me started on crimson and scarlet.”

“Jesus Christ,” MC lamented.

Diego only laughed, the sound almost harmonious with the music from the radio.

“MC, regardless of what color everything is,” he spoke past a grin, “It’ll be the same event, so we probably shouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Diego, that’s literally exactly what I said in the store,” she reminded.

“Perish the thought,” he feigned offense.

MC snorted, amused at the pompous sound he mimicked.

“Did you actually used to speak like that in like the 1800’s?” she asked then, curious.

“Everybody did,” he shrugged, “Well, in England anyway. It sounds ridiculous and dramatic now, but that was the norm. That is, unless you were someone with a Cockney accent, but that’s another story.”

“I mean I get that it was the norm,” she nodded, “But I don’t know, it’s just really funny to think of you shouting random Shakespearean sentences at someone.”

“Shakespearean was 16th century-”

“Yeah, I know,” she acknowledged, “But the way it sounds… It’s like the stuffy British accent beefed up times ten.”

Now Diego snorted, highly amused at the simile.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t been tempted to call Antonio an egg at least once,” she snickered.

‘What, you egg? [He stabs him]’ was the only quote from Macbeth MC remembered from high school, and as far as she was concerned, she didn’t need to remember anything else.

“Who says I haven’t?” he asked, MC breaking out into cackles at the thought of him in a poofy-sleeved vest angrily gesturing to the other vampire.

“What else have you called him?” she asked.

“Nothing PG, I can tell you that,” he admitted.

“Oh my God,” MC suddenly widened her eyes.

“What?”

“I just imagined you yelling ‘Stand ho!’ at him,” she began laughing again.

“My God, it’s ‘standho’, not ‘stand ho’. You are not telling a hoe to stand,” he emphasized, which only made MC start wheezing.

“So you don’t deny thinking of him as a hoe?” she asked, words strangled with laughter.

“I don’t deny thinking of him as a lot of things,” Diego continued, “Qué gilipolla…”

MC was dying, but to her credit, he was laughing along with her, even if it was nowhere near as hard. Finally, they settled down, Diego’s house approaching in the distance as they drove towards it.

“How did we go from color shades for the wedding to the verbal particularities of ‘standho’?” Diego suddenly asked.

“I honestly don’t know,” MC admitted, opening the truck door to get out.

“Well, at least it wasn’t at a Stop-n-Go this time,” he chuckled.

“You laugh as if you weren’t blushing like a 5th grader the last time we were there,” she raised her brows, shutting the car door again.

“Look, you can’t just randomly ask if your blood tastes good like that,” he defended himself, the blush MC mentioned starting to return to his cheeks.

“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” she told him.

“Alright then, how does my blood taste?” he asked, features completely neutral now.

“I-” she froze, blinking. “You… fuck.”

“See?” he smirked.

“Point taken,” she conceded.

Diego laughed as they headed inside, victorious in their banter. They split once they were in the house, MC taking a quick shower and her fiance following right after. 

It was still strange having no need for food nor pajamas when she got home. However, MC decided to dress in them anyway, more for routine and comfortability than anything else. Instead of going for one of her own shirts though, she eyed Diego’s closet, smiling as she cheekily took one of his own and put it on while he finished his shower.

“MC, I was thinking about-Oh….” he stopped dead in his tracks, staring at her.

“Hey Diego,” she greeted, acting as if nothing was different. “So, how was your shower?”

“It…” he seemed to be struggling for words, “It… had water.”

MC snorted, laughing at the adorable slack-jawed expression he had. 

Five hundred years of knowledge and experience, a PHD, and likely thousands of books read in his time, and yet, he said that when all she did was put on one of his shirts.

“Oh my God, Diego,” she smiled, barely containing more laughter. “Mr. Suave giving the smoothest pick-up lines over here.”

He was blushing again, cheeks furiously red. Regardless, he sat next to her on the mattress, lying back and seemingly trying very hard not to look at her, eyes averting when she angled her body to face him.

“I don’t understand why you do this to me,” he lamented.

“Because your reaction is amazing,” she poked his side teasingly, “‘It had water’? That’s going down as one of your official quotes.”

Diego sighed… “The worst part is I can’t even get back at you,” he said.

“I mean, you can,” she refrained from giggling.

“MC, I am not putting on one of your shirts,” he declared, “My dignity has already taken enough damage tonight alone.”

MC wheezed again, stomach actually starting to hurt from all the laughing she’d been doing. Red was still tinting Diego’s cheeks, but it had faded a bit, and now he was looking at her, attention undivided and features set into an unreadable expression.

It took MC a bit to notice, but when his eyes flicked away as soon as she tried to meet them, she grew worried.

“Diego?” she asked, “Diego, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he reassured.

She wasn’t convinced.

“I was just teasing you know,” she told him.

“No, it’s not that,” he shook his head, “It’s nothing, really.”

MC stared at him for a second, then sighed. She scooted closer, laying her cheek on his shoulder before placing a hand on his arm.

“Diego, you’re stuck with me forever. Literally, forever,” she reminded. “If something’s bothering you, you should probably tell me.”

“It…” he hesitated, “It’s not necessarily bothering me I would say.”

MC’s brows furrowed. “Then what’s going on?”

“I just…” he exhaled, clearly trying to phrase his explanation right. “I don’t know. I see you like this, in my bed, wearing my shirt, looking happy to see me, and… I suppose it’s just surreal for me.”

“Diego…” she started, knowing this was his self-deprecation again.

“And I’m not telling you that to say I don’t deserve it,” he disclaimed, actually surprising her. “It’s more so… I’m not sure. I never really expected to marry I suppose. Even when I was human, nothing worked with Eva, and after I turned, I hated myself too much to even consider the prospect of looking for someone else.”

He turned to her again now, expression hesitant, soft even. There was an air of gratefulness around him, a quiet sort of peace that emanated into the night’s quiet.

“For five-hundred years, I never thought there would be someone who could accept me enough to be betrothed to me. Someone who would want to spend eternity by my side. And now, I’m sitting next to you, laughing and joking, only weeks away from having you be my wife,” he continued slowly, as if still trying to fully absorb that the words he spoke were true. “It’s just hard to believe is all.”

MC’s heart swelled with warmth.

He was so sweet it was actually unrealistic. He thought himself a villain still trying to repent for his sins, all while he healed people for a living, only accepted blood from ethical sources, and said things like this as if they were casual statements and not storybook declarations of love.

MC couldn’t just respond with something short and curt. Something that earnest and heartfelt needed something of equal quality.

“Diego… Look, I never thought I would get married either,” she admitted. “I didn’t think I would find anyone right for me, just like you. I was too preoccupied with my own life, and when we first met, us getting married later on would have honestly seemed like insane.”

Diego scoffed, amused. “I can’t say I would have disagreed.”

“Exactly. But the fact is, we have each other now, and I couldn’t be happier. Marriage always seemed too bland for me. You know, to settle down, live the domestic life, have kids. It was too routine and expected. But I know, without a single doubt in my mind, that agreeing to marry you is the best decision I’ve ever made. And nothing will change that. Not even eternity.”

She had to admit, it was pretty up there on the cheesiness scale, but it was the truth. Besides, it did have the effect she’d been aiming for. Diego’s side of the emotional bond practically swelled with pure adoration, a small smile curving his lips before he took her hand and kissed it.

“Thank you, MC,” he told her, pulling her closer as he settled further into the bed.

“For the speech?” she asked.

“For everything,” he clarified, “Accepting me, loving me, agreeing to be with me. I couldn’t have asked for anything better in my life.”

“Neither could I,” she kissed his cheek.

Silence blanketed them then, warm and relaxing, filling the space perfectly.

However, MC still decided to break it when she said, “Also, eggshell is still white.”

“Oh my God,” Diego spoke, deteriorating into quiet laughs, “You’re not going to change your mind for all eternity, are you?”

“Nope,” she told him, “And you’ll just have to deal with that.”

“I think I’ll manage,” he smiled, kissing her forehead. “I’ve dealt with worse in my life.”

And so MC stayed by his side, smiling and content, more than ready for years, decades, centuries of this to come.

tags: @its-dr-fuego @weird-aunt-writing @tomsatos

[mannatea]

waiting days are over

i have this nasty, nasty habit of hoarding ideas and concepts for written works. i’ve had plans for years to write certain things that i kind of casually poke with a metaphorical stick every now and again. i like turning them over in my head and considering them from literally every angle. it’s probably my favorite part of writing, sans maybe feedback.

and like, okay, but feedback aside (because that’s a whole ‘nother disappointing set of words) i think every writer enjoys a particular bit about the process of writing. we can all say we love “the process” in general, and “writing” in general, but at the end of the day it’s impossible to divorce ourselves from the fact that one particular aspect of that process is going to be the one we enjoy the most (though we may not always spend the most time on it).

okay, so for me...it’s planning. and specifically when i’m working on something that has the potential to be long. it has to be perfect. i want things worked out because when i was younger i always wrote myself into corners and it was embarrassing to have to try and write my way out again. i don’t want to feel those heavy regrets for things i’ve written later down the road. i don’t want to say, “if i could do it over again i’d have never killed that character” or “i shouldn’t have written that plot at all; it was a waste of time.”

these kinds of doubts manifest so severely that i usually don’t get past the planning stage. it’s one thing to rp out a fun idea in a super casual setting and something else entirely to write that same type of idea but in a way that others will find engaging and fun. i have well over 100 long AU ‘fics planned for previous fandoms (i mean you name it it’s been considered!) but they won’t ever see the light of day, not in written format, anyway. not in narrative form.

it’s a shame. actually, it’s depressing.

and it’s not just with fanfic. i told myself for years i ought to try breaking into the christian media market with things marketed more toward a modern slant on christianity. i know there’s a market out there for that kind of a thing, but i can’t motivate myself to try. i’ve never been good at creating original characters & worlds, and when i do i’m the first one to lose interest. no amount of planning has been able to alleviate that issue.

which brings me to my next consideration, which is that i think it’s pretty stupid of me to always sit around and wait for inspiration, to wait for time to write, to wait for the proper motivation. i’m so tired of waiting. it doesn’t come. it doesn’t happen all on its own and as i get older and deal with boring obligations i’ve picked up via marriage i have come to the very irritating realization that i actually have to make time for this shit. my days of inspirational highs are gone. permanently. i won’t get those back; they were a product of youth and a lack of responsibility. they were from a time when i wasn’t married and only had to answer to myself.

so... i now know i have to sit down and say okay on THESE days i’m going to write. and then i have to sit down and write on those days. no tumblr refreshing, no instant replies to everyone on discord, no wandering around the house aimlessly, no checking emails or twitter or whatever.

and i mean, it’s hard to do that. it’s hard for me to tell my husband: i need you to literally leave me alone these days of the week for hours at a stretch because i want these hours to work on something and if you so much as come in the room and look at my screen all of my motivation flies out of the window. he doesn’t like that kind of situation, where it’s me not wanting to even engage in a conversation while i’m ‘working.’ 

after all, it’s just fanfic.

and like.

let me just be honest with you guys.

i’m in my 30s and i’ve been writing fanfic seriously since i was about 15/16. more than half my life i’ve been doing this. i still get mocked for it irl. i try to be open about fanfic ‘cause it’s a hobby and i’ve put a lot of time and effort into honing my writing skills. i don’t think i should have to hide that from anybody. 

but hey! i still have people who tell me to my face it’s a waste of time. people whose own idea of fun is like, eating food or drinking at a bar or watching sportball or driving a motorcycle or playing video games.

and i mean, they’re all hypocrites because it’s a waste due to the fact that it doesn’t bring me in any money, because i don’t just publish instead. 

gee i’m sorry that my HOBBY isn’t a money-making machine but i don’t need to publish to enjoy writing. i just like sharing self-indulgent crap with other people who may also be interested in reading it. and let’s all be honest... you know what would be extremely depressing? publishing only for like, two people to buy it. no thanks. i couldn’t handle that kind of embarrassment. not when i spend so much time working on stuff. i want to be able to enjoy writing my way, not the way other people want me to enjoy it.

at the root of all this rambling is the fact that i’ve been planning a rewrite of a dumb tv show i enjoy, or like, a novelization of it i guess: my own version of the series that’s more character-driven and less focused on drama for the sake of drama.

and like, i just keep planning. and thinking. and mulling things over. i’ve been doing this for WEEKS.

someone i’ve been emailing with recently told me to think about my name and what it represents in the bible; you know, god send down the manna and the israelites were instructed to gather just what they needed during the week and use it up; don’t save it for later. those that didn’t follow those instructions and tried to hoard it found it rotting in the morning, and watched it melt away under the rising sun. 

it’s really good advice. i keep thinking about it. and you know what? yeah, they’re right. more doing and less planning. more MAKING things happen and less just idly hoping they will. i’m not an especially ambitious person but i think there’s something to be said about not waiting around for what you want to happen. i’m not passive about anything else in my life, so why should i be about this? 

i don’t mind that my audience would be extremely small; i want to write this story. it isn’t going to come at a magically convenient time every week. i have to make room for it, for myself. even if it’s just a few hours a week, that would be a start. that would be words on the paper. 

it’s just. i can’t keep waiting: to perfect my ideas, for the right spark of motivation, for the energy, for the time to write. if i don’t clear my schedule and make time, it won’t happen. it’s not exactly ironic that i’m sitting here right now writing this instead of writing this story, but...sometimes typing things out like this helps me clear my head, get things in the right order. i think i’ve learned something today.

[ambootyos]

Club Confusion Pt. 30 (Page’s Ending Pt. 5)

Part 29

Word Count: 8,849 (HOLY FREAKING CRAP)

A/N: Okay. So. This is it. The final ending. And I’m very sad. But, please enjoy! Feedback is always welcomed! Also, I’m sure there’s LOTS of mistakes.

Tags: @thegenericluchadora @theprestigious0ne @originalbish98 @laziestgirlintheworld @villainsqueendom @calwitch @sheaxdevitt @kingslayers-angel @vipervenomisgoodforyou @karleedaniels27 @reigns420 @alexahood21 @bolieve-that @i-ship-it-okay @rebelfleur22 @g0lden-sunset @libby-rose-2016 @baybayforlife @spotofimagines @phenomenal-forearm

Marty smiled, and hugged me, I hugged him back, which made Page’s face harden, and his body tense up. It was weird seeing him get jealous, but I kinda liked it..

The hug was awkward, for me anyway.

I guess seeing your ex always was. But, seeing your ex, while you’re with a friend of his, who’s also your new boyfriend, and also the guy you used to tell him not to worry about, and you’re ordering a coffee that you only drink after sex? That’s a whole nother level.

It also didn’t help that I was still mad at Marty, even more so than I was at Adam, because even though Adam could be a real d*ck, he never gave me an ultimatum.

“So ‘wha are you doing here?” He asked, attempting to make conversation.

I cocked my head and smirked. “Not throwing a tantrum, that’s what you told Matt and Nick, I was doing, right?”

His face fell, as he looked at the ground. “Oh, they uh..told you ‘vat huh? Listen Love I-”

“My name, is Y/N.” I interrupted, and he frowned, letting out a sigh.

“Right, sorry. When I said ‘vat, I was really, really, upset ‘nd angry. I shouldn’t ‘ave.” He explained. “By ‘va way, where are Matt and Nick?”

“Her house. With Kenny, Cody, and Brandi. You already know we hung out without you yesterday. Stop asking stupid questions.” Page replied, rolling his his eyes.

“Oh..Page, hey. Didn’t see you ‘ver.” He stated, faking a positive tone.

“Really? I’m pretty hard to miss.” Page said, starting to sound annoyed, Marty smiled softly.

“Well, I can only see one person in ‘vis room, and I assure you, it isn’t you.”

Page scoffed, and rolled his eyes, and I breathed a laugh.

How does one respond to something like that? I suppose that was the point, before I could even think of a reply, the barista told me my ‘raspberry mocha’ was ready.

I smiled, and thanked the barista before taking it and getting out of line, Page got his coffee, and did the same, but we couldn’t leave. Thanks to Marty.

Marty cocked his head. “Oh. So, I guess dinner ‘wif Adam went well ‘ven?” He questioned, his tone changing from flirtatious to demeaning and judgemental.

I rolled my eyes. “Better than this. But not what you’re assuming, and also, I didn’t know he was gonna show up.” I sighed, as I crossed my arms.

“Well, you slept ‘wif someone..” He trailed off.

“You’re very right, I did sleep with someone. And if it were Adam, I’d just tell you. But, it wasn’t him. Okay? I’m seeing someone.” I admitted, and he furrowed his brows.

“You’re seeing someone?”

Page rolled his eyes. “That’s what she said, isn’t it?”

Marty rolled his eyes. “Was I talking to you?” He asked, his voice full of arrogance. Page’s face hardened, and he breathed a laugh, as he let out a sigh.

“Well, you’re done talking to her.” He started, before clearing his throat. “So, if you’re not talking to me, then I guess we’ll leave.” He smiled sarcastically, as we went to walk out.

“Um, she can speak for herself, thanks.” Marty replied, before turning his attention back to me, ignoring Page completely. “So, who is ‘vis new guy?” He asked, causing Page to get even more annoyed.

I smirked slightly. “Well, you’re right I can speak for myself,” I started, and he shot Page an ‘I told you so’ look, and I cleared my throat. “But, I don’t really need to at the moment, because Page already said it so well.”

His face dropped.

I cleared my throat. “And, I’m not gonna answer your question, but I can give you a hint. He’s in Bullet Club.” I added, before walking out, and Page followed me, thankfully, Marty didn’t.

We got in the car, and he rubbed the temples of his forehead, before starting the car, and driving off. “I don’t blame Adam for getting so mad at him. He’s annoying.”

I chuckled. “You looked annoyed. That’s for sure. I’d say a little jealous, if I didn’t know any better.”

He smiled softly. “Maybe. I thought about taking Kenny’s advice, and just picking you up, and kissing you in front of him.”

I smiled, and blushed slightly. “Then, why didn’t you?”

“Because, I don’t need to prove anything. I know how stressed you were when they’d fight over you. I don’t wanna be like them.” He mumbled.

“You know, there’s a difference between what they did, and being jealous. They talked about things that were personal, and they acted like I wasn’t there..” I explained. “Plus neither of them, is gonna start a fight with you, if they know we slept together.”

He smirked slightly. “What makes you say that?” He asked, knowing the answer already. I cocked my head, and glanced at him, not saying anything. He shrugged. “Don’t look at me like that! Come on, feed my ego a bit.” He chuckled.

I sighed. “Fine, well for one, Adam has seen your d*ck, he’s not gonna make an argument, and Marty’s jealous of you anyway, he’d probably be expecting it.”

“Oh, that’s right, Marty’s jealous of me..why do think that is?” He asked, as his smirk grew.

I chuckled. “Oh..I dunno..maybe it’s because you’re taller than him? Or, because I would talk about you, all the time. Plus, you’re really, really, attractive, maybe it’s that?” I explained, he smiled softly, and nodded.

“Hmm..maybe. You think the rest of your guests are still asleep?” He smirked.

“Why do you ask?” I questioned, already knowing exactly why he was asking, and his smirk grew wider.

“Because, I’d like to spend the rest of the morning, in bed with you, no interruptions, you know, like we were last night..but that was on you, I told you to keep quiet.” He teased.

I rolled my eyes, and smiled. “You have to take some of the blame for that, you know.”

He let out a sigh, and smiled softly. “You’re right. What was I thinking? Expecting you not to scream, when you’re with the best you’ve ever had, the guy that ruined other men for you? Yeah. That was insane.” He said sarcastically.

“You’ve been dying to bring that up again, haven’t you?” I asked, trying not to smile. He nodded, and smiled.

“Oh yeah. I just haven’t got the chance. Until now that is.” He replied. “So, is that true?”

“Why would I say it, if it weren’t true?” I questioned, as my face grew redder and redder, and I began to play with my hands nervously, he took one hand off the steering wheel, and grabbed my hand, and held it to stop me.

“Am I making you nervous..?” He asked, sounding a bit surprised.

“Just a bit embarrassed.” I smiled, and he breathed a laugh.

“Honestly, I never thought I’d have that effect on you.” He shrugged. “I gotta say, it’s kinda nice..” He trailed off, smiling softly.

I rolled my eyes, and let out a sigh. “Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying making me look stupid. So very glad.” I teased.

He chuckled, and bit his lip, and a few seconds of silence went by before he cleared his throat. “You know, you still haven’t actually answered my question..” He trailed off.

I rolled my eyes again. “Yes Page. It was the truth. Happy?” I couldn’t help but smile.

He nodded and chuckled, as he returned both his hands to the wheel, then he smirked softly. “Wanna help me look for a house?” He winked.

I furrowed my brows, confused for a second, before I realized he was referencing the story Adam told when we ran into him. My eyes widened, and I pursed my lips together to keep from smiling.

“Oh haha. We’re almost home Page.” I stated, and he shrugged slightly.

“Not if I ‘accidently’ miss the next turn..”

He smirked, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Have you seen Y/N?” Matt asked as he walked into the kitchen with the group, and Nick cocked his head.

“She’s not here?” He asked, and Kenny chuckled.

“Yeah, neither is Page.”

Matt shook his head. “And Marty’s been texting me all morning. He’s upset about something. Said he ‘needs to talk to me’. Whatever that means.”

“I wonder if he ran into her, it probably went horrible if he did.” Brandi sighed. “I hope she’s okay”

Kenny shrugged. “Chances are Page was with her, so I’m sure she’s fine.”

“You know what we should do, while she’s gone?” Matt suggested, they looked to him, awaiting his response. “We should go through her stuff, and try to figure out who this new guy is.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “It’s not that important. Let it go for now. The less you know, the better, considering Marty’s probably gonna have a million questions for you next time we see him.”

“Well, I can’t stand not knowing!” He yelled, already walking down the hall to my room.

As soon as Matt left the room, Nick cleared his throat.

“Okay, so..I know all three of you know what happened between Y/N and Page, and I need to know everything you know, so that I can understand why I walked in on them having sex, at almost one in the morning.” He whispered.

Kenny cocked his head. “You’re sure that’s what time it was?”

Nick nodded in response, and Kenny turned to look at Cody, as a smile formed on his face.

“I told you I knew what I was doing. I’m pretty sure I just won.” He chuckled.

Cody scoffed. “We don’t know anything yet!” He whisper screamed so that Matt wouldn’t hear him.

“Somebody, please explain to me, what’s going on? What are you talking about?” He asked, Kenny cleared his throat before explaining everything.

Nick’s eyes widened. “Sorry Cody, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna lose.” He chuckled.

“I can’t believe you’re placing bets, and purposely sabotaging our friend.” Brandi sighed, as she crossed her arms and shook her head.

“It’s not sabotaging. It’s seeing what her relationships are strong enough to handle.” Kenny replied. “For example, Adam and Marty were both too insecure. That we know.”

“You had nothing to do with Marty’s downfall, he did that on his own.” Cody replied.

“Well, Matt kinda helped.” Nick added.

Kenny nodded, and smiled. “I love when things work them themselves out. And, I can just sit back and watch my ship sail.”

Cody rolled his eyes. “Friends with benefits, doesn’t mean they’re gonna end up together.”

“What about Chandler and Monica? Not to mention there’s an actual movie, called Friends With Benefits, where that’s exactly what happens.” Brandi stated.

“That’s different. How do you guys not see how different that is? If he makes her happy, and she makes him happy, then that’s great, if it works out, I’ll gladly take the loss. But sometimes, friends are supposed to stay friends.” Cody replied.

Kenny rolled his eyes, but before he could answer, Matt walked back in the room.

“Well, I found nothing. Nothing useful anyway. Like, she has a lot of edible stuff in her nightstand..and other stuff like that, I put some in my hand but all it did was get really hot, so I had to wash it off, I have no idea why anyone would want that. Also, she owns handcuffs. So either she used to be a cop, or..I don’t really think I need to say it.” He sighed.

“Y/N..with handcuffs..interesting.” Nick mumbled.

Matt smacked the back of his brother’s head. “Don’t be gross about it.” He started, and Nick shot him a dirty look. “But, whoever the new guy is, he’s huge. I found condoms, on her nightstand, so..that we know.”

Kenny tried not to laugh, as he looked at the ground.

Then, me and Page came in, looking at each other, and laughing about something he’d said, but our smiles faded, when we looked up, and saw the rest of the group.

“Oh..hey. You guys are up. Great…” Page sighed, and I cleared my throat.

“Where were you guys?” Matt asked.

“We went to get coffee.” I replied, faking a smile.

“It took that long to get coffee?” Kenny asked, grinning ear to ear.

Page shrugged. “I um..took a wrong turn.” He replied trying not to smile, I bit my lip, and looked at the ground, knowing my face was turning red.

“How do you make a wrong turn? She was with you. You both know where the house is right?” Matt questioned.

We looked at each other for a second then back at Matt, and I cleared my throat.

“Yeah, we were gonna go a different way, to avoid traffic..and all..but um, yeah. Didn’t go as planned.” I explained.

Matt shook his head. “Okay. If you say so. But did you run into Marty while you were out?” He asked, and Page rolled his eyes.

“Yeah..we did actually. How’d you know?”

Matt sighed. “He’s texting me. I’m gonna guess it didn’t go well?”

I shrugged. “It could’ve been better, that’s for sure.” I cleared my throat and cocked my head. “But, you know how things go.”

“You’re lucky though. We all have to work with him, you don’t have to hear him ask twenty times a day who your new boyfriend is. Does he know you have one?” Matt asked.

“Yeah, he knows. I’m sorry Ma-”

“I’ll handle it. He already pretty much hates me.” Page interrupted.

“Gee, I wonder why that is.” Kenny mumbled, earning an eye roll from Cody.

“You’ll have to do it. None of us know who the guy is, and I’m gonna assume you know, because she only talks to you, even though you’re the only one who’s ever told anyone anything.” Matt replied, as he crossed his arms. “Speaking of which, we have to go. We have a show later tonight that we have to get ready for.”

Page cleared his throat. “You guys can go ahead. I’m gonna leave a little later.” He smiled, and Matt shook his head.

“No, that’s okay. We can all go together, whenever you’re ready.”

Kenny smacked his forehead. “Why are you the way that you are?” He mumbled, as he started to shake his head, Matt furrowed his brows.

“What did I do?!”

Nick started to laugh. “You can’t take a hint to save your life!”

Matt only grew more and more confused, not sure what they were talking about.

I sighed, and me and Page shared a glance.

“We have to tell him.” I whispered, Page nodded in response. “Matt, listen..” I started, turning my attention to him, he looked at me, still confused and awaiting a response. I let out a sigh. “You’re actually the only one in the room who doesn’t know who the new guy is.” I admitted.

His mouth fell ajar. “Wait, what?! Now I have to know, if someone doesn’t tell me, I’m gonna scream.” Page shook his head.

“Matt-”

“I’ll do it!” Matt interrupted.

“You don’t need-”

“Here I go!”

Matt exclaimed, before starting to yell, getting louder and louder by the second, no matter how many times we tried to stop him, he even covered his ears.

“Nobody can tell you anything if you can’t hear them!” Nick exclaimed, but Matt didn’t stop.

Page rolled his eyes, and grabbed my arm, turning me to face, him before cupping my face and kissing me.

Matt’s eyes widened, and his jaw dropped, finally he stopped yelling, and he dropped his hands at his side.

“Her new boyfriend is gonna hate that!” He exclaimed, Kenny couldn’t stop laughing, and Cody rolled his eyes, and looked at Matt with a blank expression.

“Page is her new boyfriend.”

Matt furrowed his brows, and cocked his head. “Why on earth, would you guys tell me that? I have to go see Marty, and I can’t keep a secret, you said it yourself. You expect me, to not tell him? Clearly, I’m gonna!” He exclaimed nervously.

“Matt, calm down. You’ll be fine.” I smiled.

He shook his head frantically. “No I won’t!”

Page sighed. “Okay Matt, I’ll make it easy for you. If you let it slip, whatever, if not? Even better. But I just..really wanna be alone with Y/N right now. Okay?” He stated.

“Wait, what? You can’t just demand to be alone with her just because you’re dating now. That’s not fair!” Matt exclaimed.

Page rolled his eyes, before looking at me, and half smiling.

“Actually Matt, he can. And he’s going to. Sorry.” I shrugged, with a smile. “But, I will come down and see you all before you leave. How about that?”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t really expect that to work anyway.” Kenny couldn’t stop smiling, as he stood to his feet.

“Well, we really should go. You know, let them..do their relationship stuff. You know, because they’re in a relationship.” He stated, looking at Cody.

They said their goodbyes, and left.

Page let out a sigh. “Well, now they know..” He smiled, as he sat on the couch, and pulled me onto his lap. “It’s all downhill from here you know.” He teased, as he ran his hand up and down my thigh.

I smiled softly, and shrugged. “A day and a half? I’d say that’s a good run.” I replied sarcastically.

He chuckled. “Oh, we can do better than that. Nobody is gonna ruin this.” He assured me. I ran my hand through his hair, and bit my lip.

“I don’t think anybody could.”

He nodded. “I think you might be right.” He replied, before kissing me, he moved me off his lap as he positioned himself on top of me.

I cupped his face, and smiled as I brushed his hair out of his face, and pulled it back. He smiled ear to ear, and licked his lips.

“Thank you.” He chuckled.

I breathed a laugh, and went back to cupping his face. “So..are we gonna do this here?” I asked.

He smirked, and raised his brows. “Of course we are. In fact..” He trailed off, as his smirk grew even wider. “Before I have to leave the city, we’re doing this, in every, single, room, of this house.”

My eyes widened. “Oh really?” I couldn’t help but smile as I asked. He nodded.

“I’m gonna need something to think about while I’m traveling..”

“Haven’t I given you enough to think about?” I asked sarcastically.

He cocked his brow, and bit his lip. “You’ve given me a lot that’s for sure. That ride in the car keeps replaying in my head over and over.” I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “Maybe I should return the favor..” He smirked again, as he started to travel down my body, and kissing down my abdomen.

“I-I’m still speechless.” Matt mumbled, as they drove back to the arena.

“Yes Matt, it’s surprising that they’re together. But you have to drop it before we see Marty, because I can’t deal with him asking a million questions.” Cody replied.

“No, I mean I’m still speechless that all you guys kept this from me! I thought we were friends! Why didn’t you tell me?! When did you guys even find out?” Matt questioned.

Nick cleared his throat. “Remember last night? When you made me go downstairs, and check out that sound?” He asked, and Matt nodded slightly. Nick smiled. “Thanks.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “And the rest of you?” He asked, as he crossed his arms.

��Well, Page told me and Cody, and Y/N told Brandi.” Kenny explained.

“Wait, so I found out on accident? You guys were told voluntarily?” Nick asked, feeling a bit offended.

“Hurts doesn’t it? But it could be worse! You could’ve been last, to know.” Matt added, still pouting. Nick rolled his eyes, and put a hand on Matt’s shoulder.

“You aren’t the last person to know. Marty still doesn’t know.” He chuckled.

“Okay guys, drop it for now. We’re almost there.” Kenny smiled, not really caring if they told Marty or not.

As soon as they walked inside, they were greeted by Marty.

“So, who is it? I know you guys ‘ave to know.” He questioned.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Why would we know?” He replied, crossing his arms. Marty cleared his throat, and matched Matt’s stance.

“Because, Y/N said ‘va new guy she’s dating, is in Bullet Club. Therefore, I’m sure, you guys know. So, spill it.”

“Uh..why would she tell me? You really think I could keep a secret that big? Have you learned nothing?” Matt chuckled, as he continued to walk to his locker room, but Marty followed him.

“You’re not answering me Matt.”

“Aren’t I?” Matt asked awkwardly, and Nick smacked his forehead.

Marty rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms. “No. You’re just answering my questions, ‘wif more questions.” He replied, sternly.

“Am I?” Matt asked.

Marty let out a sigh. “Who is Y/N dating?” He asked, getting straight to the point.

Matt cleared his throat, and cocked his head. “Who are you dating?” Marty furrowed his brows, and shook his head.

“Um...nobody.”

Matt nodded. “Well, you’ll find someone Marty. Don’t worry.” He smiled before turning to walk away, but Marty grabbed his arm and turned him back around.

“Just answer me. Who’s ‘va new guy?”

Matt sighed. “Fine.” He started, as the guys began to shake their heads. “It’s Nick!” He smiled.

Kenny rolled his eyes. “I’m out.” He breathed a laugh, as he left the room, Cody and Brandi followed him, as Nick smacked his forehead.

Marty chuckled and shook his head, as he looked from Matt to Nick. “Come on Matt. You expect me to believe ‘vat? She’d never go for Nick.”

Nick pursed his lips together, and crossed his arms. “Oh? And why’s that?” He asked, becoming offended. Marty sighed, and turned his attention to Nick placing his hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, look. ’m sorry, but she’d never go for you. She ‘ad Adam Cole, and me. She wouldn’t just..how can I put this..she wouldn’t, lower her standards ‘vat much..” He trailed off, and Nick cocked his head and smiled.

“Hmm..well it is me.”

Marty dropped his hand at his side. “Oh Nick, I don’t believe you.”

Nick took a deep breath and smirked ear to ear. “What if I told you, I knew about the tattoo?”

Matt furrowed his brows starting to get confused, and Marty’s face dropped, and he shook his head.

“No. No you don’t. She doesn’t tell anyone about ‘vat.” He denied. Nick smirked, and nodded.

“Exactly. So, how would I know about it, unless I’m the new guy?” He asked.

“Wait..tattoo?” Matt questioned.

Nick shushed him. “Sorry Matt. Men are talking.” Matt rolled his eyes, and Marty scoffed.

“Maybe she just accidently told you about it.” He argued, still in denial.

“I could describe it to you. It’s on her upper thigh, a lacy garter.”  Nick smirked, Marty shook his head.

“Which ‘figh is it on?” He questioned, and Nick’s smirk grew.

“Right.”

“What did you ‘fink ‘ov ‘va bow?”

“Trick question. There isn’t one.”

Marty’s mouth fell ajar, and he sat against the wall behind him, and cradled his head in his hands. “Y-You actually did it. You saw the tattoo..how could you do ‘vis to me?”

“Do what? Exactly what you did to Adam? Like this.” He smiled, before shrugging.

Marty shook his head. “Not ‘va same Nick! You know ‘ow I feel about ‘er! She’s on my ‘neva list!”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Adam felt the same way, and it didn’t stop you. Also, a girl you broke up with, can’t really be on your never list.”

Marty’s face hardened, and went back to looking the floor shaking his head.

“So, I’ll see you later, right?” Page asked, pulling his shirt on over his head. I nodded.

“Of course. I still have to go and see Matt like I said I would. And you still have a task to fill..” I smiled, walking closer to him, and wrapping my arms around his neck.

He smirked, and placed his hands on my hips, running his thumb over the fabric of my clothes. “I still have full intentions of sleeping with you all over this house. We only have like two more rooms to cover, but unfortunately, I have to go.” He sighed, before kissing me, softly at first, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away for more than a second, before kissing me again.

I smiled into the kiss when he started to slide his hands up my shirt, I cupped his face and pulled away from the kiss.

“No, no, you have to leave, remember?” I chuckled, and he dropped his hands at his side, and let out a sigh.

“D*mmit. You’re right. But..maybe I can be a little late?” He bargained and I shook my head.

“You can’t. You’ll see me soon, it’ll be fine.” I smiled.

“But, what am I supposed to do about this?” He questioned, gesturing to his crotch. I bit my lip, and stepped into him, as I let out a sigh.

“I guess I could help with that.” I smirked, as I hooked my fingers in his belt loops, and pulled him as close to me as possible.

He let out a sigh of relief, before smiling, he went to kiss me, but I put a finger on his lips to stop him, he furrowed his brows, and a devilish grin grew on my face.

“If you didn’t have somewhere to be that is. But sadly, you do.” I shrugged, dropping my hands at my side.

He licked his lips before, before smiling. “You’re evil. You know that?” He teased.

I shrugged. “You’ll be fine. I’m sure Matt could help you out. Lend you a hand maybe?” I winked, chuckling slightly, causing him to roll his eyes.

“Thanks. I think I’m actually getting a de-rection now.” He started, before clearing his throat. “The real question is, what are you gonna do? You have to be at least a little worked up again, right?” He asked, smirking slightly.

I rolled my eyes, and smirked. “Well, you know, if I need it too bad, I could always call Marty or Adam. I’m sure they’d help me out.” I teased.

His eyes widened, and his mouth fell open slightly, he put his hands on his hips and smiled. “You’re mean!” He chuckled. “But you know, it wouldn’t be the same. Best sex you’ve ever had right here!” He smiled, pointing to himself.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

He shrugged, “I’m just saying, after me? You might not even be able to feel them!” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “Page, go.” I smiled, before kissing him goodbye.

He waved and left.

He made it back to the arena, to listen to Marty and Nick arguing.

“I’d ‘neva do ‘vis to you guys!” Marty exclaimed.

Nick rolled his eyes, and shook his head. “Only because you never had the chance!”

Page walked into the locker room, trying to stay out of it.

“I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t even do it ‘tah Page!”

“Funny you should say that.” Nick mumbled. Page turned his attention to them and sighed.

“What’s this about?” He asked.

Nick smirked. “Oh, Marty found out that I’m dating Y/N, and that I’ve seen her tattoo, and he can’t deal with the fact that it’s over between them.”

Page rolled his eyes. “Really Nick? That’s what you told him?” He sighed, an annoyed tone in his voice.

“Matt told him, but it’s the truth, so does it really matter?” Nick replied, narrowing his eyes.

Page shook his head. “No. It isn’t. None of us should have to lie about this.” He stated, crossing his arms, Marty’s face lit up, and he stood to his feet.

“So, it’s not true? Is she really seeing anyone?” He asked, and Page rolled his eyes again.

“Yes she is. But I don’t think you really wanna know who it actually is.”

Marty groaned. “It’s Adam. Isn’t it?”

Matt pursed his lips together, and Nick cocked his head and smiled.

“You ask an intriguing question Martin.” Nick chuckled, and Matt elbowed him in the side. Marty furrowed his brows.

“I-I don’t-’Wha ‘va h*ll are you talking about?” He questioned, more confused now then he was before.

“Get there faster!” Matt exclaimed.

Marty shook his head. “Well, you clearly aren’t talking about Hangman, and I don’t know ‘ov any ‘ova Adams.”

Page let out sigh, and cocked his head. “And how do you know it isn’t me?” He asked, and Marty scoffed, as he placed a hand on Page’s shoulder.

“No offense Mate. It’s just..I don’t see you as a threat.” He admitted.

Page smiled sarcastically. “Really? Is that why you told her you were jealous of me? Because yeah..she told me.” He immediately regretted saying it, because I’d asked him not to, when I’d originally told him.

Marty’s face dropped, and he slid his hands in his pockets. “She wasn’t supposed to tell you ‘vat.” He sighed, before smirking slightly. “Did she ‘appen to tell you ‘wha she said to me after I admitted ‘vat? Because you’d be a lot less confident if she ‘ad.”

Page rolled his eyes, and exhaled sharply. “I’m not gonna do this with you. I’m not Adam Cole. I’m the new guy okay? It’s me. And the only reason Nick knows what the tattoo looks like, because he walked in on us together.”

Marty shook his head. “I don’t believe you!”

“I don’t care. You don’t have to, but it’s the truth.” Page shrugged, as he walked by Marty, bumping his shoulder as he did.

Marty sighed and looked at Matt. “Is ‘vat true?” He asked, nervous for what the answer would be.

Matt shrugged. “Is it?”

“Matt!” Marty exclaimed, and Matt let out a sigh.

“Honestly, I’ve told so many lies lately, I don’t remember what the truth really is.” He explained.

I heard my phone ding, and I looked at the screen to see that Page had texted me.

‘Not gonna lie, I already miss you.’

I smiled at it, this was the perfect chance to tease him again, I’d get to see him really soon, so this would be great timing.

‘Are you about to go on?’

I asked, already knowing the answer, he texted back and confirmed what I knew with a yes.

A devilish grin grew on my face.

I removed my shirt, snapped a picture, and sent it to him.

‘Since you’re missing me..maybe this’ll help? ;)’

---

He smirked when he opened it, but that smirk faded as he looked down at his crotch again.

‘Thanks a lot Y/N. Now I have to try and have a match, with this image stuck in my head. My opponent’s gonna be very uncomfortable.’

‘Well, there’s always the Matt option’

I texted, back. He rolled his eyes, and chuckled, before realizing he had to go, he put his phone down and went out to the ring.

Marty walked in the dressing room after he left, he was looking for Kenny, because they had to team together later, and he wanted to talk over some of the match.

He picked up Page’s phone, recognizing who’s it was.

That wouldn’t be that big of a deal, if Page hadn’t forgotten to close out of his stuff. Marty looked at the screen, and his eyes widened when he saw the picture I’d sent Page.

He smiled for a second before he realized who’d sent it.

He ran his hand through his hair.

‘Are you still there? Or match time I’m guessing? Maybe I’ll send more so you’ll have something to look at after your match..’

I texted again.

Marty threw the phone back down, and started to shake his head frantically, as he paced around the room.

“Marty? What’s wrong with you now?” Matt asked, as he and Nick walked in.

“I-I may ‘ave..accidently..went through Page’s phone, and saw some ‘fings I wasn’t supposed to..” He replied.

Matt and Nick looked at him with confused expressions on their faces.

“You did..what?” Nick asked, as Matt shook his head.

“What’d you happen to see?” Matt added.

Marty let out a sigh, and slid his hands in his pockets. “She..sent ‘im some pictures..and I-well..” He trailed off.

Their mouths fell open, they were at a loss for words, Kenny walked in, and furrowed his brows.

“What’s wrong with you guys?” He asked.

Matt pursed his lips together, and put his hands on his hips. “You wanna tell him about your sick little games? Or should I?” Marty opened his mouth to speak but Matt cut him off. “Marty went through Page’s phone, and saw naked pictures of Y/N.”

“It was an accident!” Marty exclaimed.

Kenny smacked his forehead, and shook his head, before looking at Marty with an annoyed expression, then cleared his throat as he looked him up and down. His eyes widened.

“Wait, are you turned on right now?!” He exclaimed, looking down at the crotch of his gym shorts.

Marty awkwardly looked at the ground, and Matt and Nick’s faces scrunched up, as they started to look disgusted.

“Well, I did just see naked pictures of a girl ’m still in love ‘wif! So, excuse me, if my d*ck is a ‘lil confused!” Marty whisper screamed, as he attempted to better cover himself.

Nick cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes, before crossing his arms.

“Well, at least now you now for a fact her and Page are together.” He smirked, and Marty rolled his eyes.

“So did she show the tattoo in this picture? Because I need to know more about it.” Matt sighed, and Kenny hit him in the shoulder.

“What!? I’m asking a simple question! He had to have paid attention to it. I remember every single detail from when I saw her naked. Like her body, is just..perfect.”

“It really is. You don’t even know the half of it though.” Nick added, turning his attention to Marty. “You get it though.”

Matt breathed a laugh. “Yeah I can’t imagine being you. Knowing what it’s like to you know..touch her, and having to have all those memories flood your brain at once.”

Marty clenched his jaw. “Matt, you aren’t ‘elping my problem.”

“Well, does it help to know that she’s with one of your best friends, and he’s like the best she’s ever had? Her words. Not mine.” Nick added.

“Nick!” Kenny exclaimed, as he smacked him in the shoulder.

“What?! That isn’t a secret! She openly told us that! She even told Adam! We just didn’t know who exactly she was talking about.” Nick replied, rubbing the spot Kenny had smacked.

Marty started to shake his head. “Why are you telling me ‘vis?!”

Before they could reply, Dalton Castle walked into the locker room.

“Yeah..I don’t mean to uh, interrupt, but your friend is here.” He smiled, before cocking his head. “What am I interrupting exactly? Are you okay Marty?” He asked.

Matt shook his head. “Don’t worry about him. What friend are you talking about?” He asked.

“Y/N. She seems to be doing really well, we were catching up, and she couldn’t stop smiling about something. Who knows what. But anyway, she’s waiting for you. Can’t miss her, she looks better than she ever has. Any idea why she’s so happy?” He rambled on.

Marty groaned.

Dalton turned his attention back to Marty. “You know, I could have my boys help you with your ahem..problem. But you’ll owe me.” He smiled.

“Wait, you can tell?” Marty asked, starting to blush.

Kenny rolled his eyes. “Of course he can tell! We all can!”

“I’m gonna say hi to Y/N before she comes looking for us, and sees all this. You need to think of a way to tell Page what you did that doesn’t end in him killing you.” Nick stated, before walking out. Matt followed behind him.

Dalton’s smile grew “Ah it appears I’ve walked into something interesting! Well, go on! Tell me the details!” He laughed, as he leaned against the wall.

“Uh..’vis is really more of a Bullet Club issue..” Marty replied.

Dalton nodded, and put up his hands in defense. “Right. Say no more. I’ll just ask Page.”

“No! Don’t do ‘vat!”

“Well, I gotta find out somehow! Maybe I’ll ask her? She has to know right? Once a Bullet Club member, always a Bullet Club member, right?”

Kenny exhaled sharply. “Y/N, and Marty broke up as you already know, and her and Page are together now, Marty went through Page’s phone, and saw some pictures of Y/N that he wasn’t supposed to. And now, well, he’s...you know.”  He explained.

Dalton’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open before he smiled ear to ear and turned his attention to Marty.

“Ohh!”

“Kenny!” Marty groaned. Kenny shrugged as a response.

“He’s gonna kill you for sure!” Dalton added, and Marty shook his head, but before he could say anything, Matt ran back in, almost out of breath.

“Y/N is coming this way.” He managed to say, and Kenny let out a sigh.

“And you had to run in here to tell us that...why?” He asked, and Matt took a deep breath.

“Because Kenny, she walks really fast. She must do cardio non-stop.” He explained.

Dalton nodded. “I’m sure she does! Look at her, with her perfectly toned-”

“Dalton. Stop talking.” Marty interrupted.

“Oh, sorry. I almost forgot about your little problem-er...I mean..average sized-um..big..problem.” Dalton replied.

Marty rolled his eyes, and sat down on the ground.

I walked in with Nick, and immediately all eyes, went to me, except Marty’s. Dalton pursed his lips together, trying not to smile.

“Why is everyone staring at me..?” I asked.

Dalton cleared his throat. “We’re just excited to see you! Some of us are more excited they got to see so much of you.” He blurted out, not even thinking.

“Wait. What?” I asked.

“Um..” Matt started, but before he could explain it, Dalton did.

Marty covered his face. “It was an accident!”

Before I could even think of what to say, Page walked backstage after his match.

“Oh, hey!” He smiled at me, before noticing something was wrong. “Is everything okay?” He asked, starting to frown.

Dalton smiled. “C-Can I please be the one to tell him?”

“Tell me what?” Page asked, as he furrowed his brows.

I sighed. “Um..do you happen to know where your phone is?” He nodded.

“Yeah it’s right-” He cut himself off.  “Sh*t.”

I looked down at the ground awkwardly knowing things were about to get really bad.

Page pulled his hair back and crossed his arms. “Well, I’m guessing one of you went through my phone, so who was it?” He hissed.

Dalton cleared his throat. “Take a wild guess. But my money's on the British guy who looks like he needs to play a game of pocket hockey if you know what I mean..” He mumbled.

Page’s face hardened, as he glanced over at Marty. “Did you go through my phone?” He growled.

Marty let out a sigh, as he stood up. “Page listen-”

Page hit one of the lockers, causing both Matt and Nick to jump a bit. “No. Answer the question.”

Dalton’s eyes widened, and he covered his smile with his hands. “I'm so happy I'm apart of this.” He said in a hushed tone.

“Yes..I did but-”

Page scoffed. “You're dead.” He said, before stepping towards him. Kenny put a hand on his chest.

“Don't stop him!” Dalton whisper screamed.

“Woah! Calm down, give Marty a chance to explain himself, I’m sure he has an explanation.”

Page crossed his arms, and scoffed again.

“Well go on ahead Marty. Why were you going through my phone, and looking at pictures that Y/N sent me?”

Marty cleared his throat.

“You left your phone ‘ere..I picked it up, all of ‘vat was already on ‘va screen. It was an honest mistake, ‘m sorry!” He explained.

Page cleared his throat. “No, it wasn’t a mistake. And even if it was, why would I believe you? No Marty, the only mistake here, is you.”

Marty rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms. “You know ‘wha? Believe ‘whaeva you want. But at least I know for a fact that what I did, was accidental, what about what you’re doing to me, right now?”

Page rolled his eyes, and exhaled sharply. “What are you talking about now?” He growled.

“I’m talking about ‘va fact, ‘vat you know ‘ow much I still love her, and ‘ow much I miss her. But ‘vat didn’t stop you, from going after her. Did it? But you don’t care about ‘vat. Do you?” Marty shrugged. “And I get it. I deserve ‘vis. But one day, you’re gonna be the ex. Hopefully, she won’t leave you for someone you thought was your friend.”

I rubbed the temples of my forehead, I had no words.

“Marty, look.” Page started. “Me and you, are friends. But Y/N, is my best friend. So, whatever she wants, comes first, always. If I have the chance, to make her happy, I’m gonna take it. And it just so happens, that what she wants, and what makes her happy, is me.”

Marty smirked slightly, and cocked his head. “Yeah. For now.”

Page grabbed him by the shirt. “If you didn’t have a match tonight, I’d kick your a*s. So, you’d better hope, that I’m not here when your match is over, and you should thank, whoever talks me out of waiting for you. If anyone does, that is.”

“I really hope nobody talks him out of it.” Dalton mumbled, as he breathed a laugh.

Kenny rolled his eyes, at Dalton’s response, before turning his attention back to Marty and Page.

“Both of you, need to calm down for a second. Marty, just go get your gear on, Page go get your street clothes back on, Dalton, go away, and take The Bucks with you.” He stated, as he guided them out, then he and Marty left as well.

I let out a relieved sigh, as I leaned against the wall.

“Well, that was...fun.” I smiled.

He breathed a laugh, as he grabbed his clothes. “Yeah, sorry about him..and I’m sorry for how I handled that.”

I shook my head. “No need to be sorry. I thought you handled it well. Better than most would’ve. You didn’t blurt out anything personal, so..there’s that.”

He sighed. “Well, I did mention that you told me he was jealous of me..I felt pathetic saying it though. I don’t wanna be one of those guys Y/N..” He trailed off.

I walked towards him, and cupped his face. “You aren’t one of those guys. You couldn’t be. I’m never gonna be mad at you, for being upset about something. If you feel like you need to kick someone’s a*s, then by all means, go for it.” I chuckled.

He smiled in response.

“So, I guess I should wait outside, and let you change.” I said, and he chuckled.

“You could stay, you know..”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s such a great idea. Not very professional, you know?” I smiled.

“Oh, so it’s okay to send me photos of you while I’m trying to get ready for a match, but me tempting you is unprofessional?” He teased. I bit my lip, and smiled at the ground. He put his hand under my chin, and tilted my head up to look at him, he didn’t say anything, he just kissed me, smiling when he pulled away.

I cocked my head. “What was that for?” I asked, starting to smile as he did.

“I’m just..really happy you’re here.” He replied, my smile grew, and I cleared my throat.

“Well..I guess I could stay in here..”

Kenny and Marty came back from their match just as Matt, Nick and Dalton, had gotten done explaining to Cody what’d happened, and Page and me came out of the locker room.

Dalton smiled. “Oh..here we go!”

Page’s face hardened, but he said nothing and just walked out, bumping Marty’s shoulder as he did so.

Marty looked at me, and cleared his throat. “Can I talk to you? Please..?”

I let out a sigh, and crossed my arms. “Yeah. Sure. Whatever.” I rolled my eyes, as I walked down the hall, he followed behind me.

Dalton let out a sigh. “That was a little anticlimactic.”

“So..it’s really him ‘ven?” Marty asked, frowning slightly.

I nodded. “Yeah Marty, it’s him.” I let out a sigh. “I know that it’s not the best news ever but..yeah, I’m with him.”

He cleared his throat, and nodded. “I get it. I don’t like it. But..I get it.” He trailed off, letting a few seconds of silence go by, before looking into my eyes. “I guess me and you, are really done ‘ven hmm?” He sighed.

I nodded. “Yeah Marty..I’m sorry, but yeah it is.”

He cleared his throat again, and hugged me.

It took me by surprise, I hugged him back, and he wrapped his arms tighter around me, as he closed his eyes, and rested his forehead against my shoulder.

We never really got a proper breakup I guess. There was so much tension. It was good to know that it was mostly gone now. I cleared my throat, and pulled away.

“Goodbye Marty..” I smiled softly, before walking away.

I met Page outside, and he laced his hand with mine, before smirking.

“So..we still have a task to fill, if I’m not mistaken..” He trailed off, as he cocked his brow. I smiled.

“You’re very correct. Let’s go.” I replied.

The Bucks, Kenny, and Cody were watching us from inside.

“Ugh. What are we gonna do when this falls apart?” Matt asked, causing Kenny to roll his eyes.

“Would you shut up? Those two are in love, they may not know it yet, but they are.” He smiled.

“She’s been in love before Kenny…” Nick added.

Kenny shook his head. “No, not like this.” He replied, continuing to smile. Cody let out a sigh.

“Yeah, never like this..” He admitted, before handing Kenny the money from the bet, and walking away.

It’d been awhile since then, the only bad thing about this relationship, was almost never getting to see him.

But, today was a different, we were watching a movie on the couch, when he cleared his throat. “Y/N, I have to get something off my chest.” He said, his tone neutral. I breathed a laugh.

“Is it your shirt? I hope it’s your shirt.” I teased, as I moved my head off his shoulder, allowing him to stand. He chuckled.

“That depends on how this goes..”  He started, I turned around to grab the remote so that I could pause the movie. When I turned back to look at him, he was down on one knee, ring in hand.

I smiled ear to ear, and covered my mouth. “Oh my gosh..” I replied in a hushed tone. My eyes started to tear up, and he smiled.

“Will you..um..” He cleared his throat. “Marry me?”

I nodded. “Yes! Of course!” I smiled as he stood up. I ran to him, and he wrapped his arms around me and spun me around.

I smiled, and put the ring on before kissing him. I cupped his face, as we pulled away, my smile grew wider.

“Now, about that shirt…”

Before I knew it, I was getting ready for my wedding, I’d talked to some of my friends earlier in the day, but now I was just waiting in my dressing room for my guests to arrive, and taking deep breaths.

Brandi was the only one with me at the moment.

“Are you nervous?” She asked, smiling softly. I nodded.

“A bit. But, it’s weird..I’m actually more calm than I expected.” I replied, before she could answer, there was a knock on my door. She went to answer it.

I was surprised to see it was Kevin Owens, I knew he was coming, i just didn’t expect to see him, until after I was already married.

He smiled, as he walked in and hugged me. “Y/N! You look great.” He exclaimed, I cocked my head.

“Kevin..why are you acting like this?”

He cleared his throat. “What? Can’t I be happy to see a good friend of mine?” He asked, I looked at him with a stern expression, and he let out a sigh as his smile faded. “Okay, fine..but promise not to be mad at me.” He mumbled.

My face hardened. “Kevin. What did you do?”

He looked to the doorway, and cleared his throat, before I saw Adam Cole walk in.

My face dropped, as I looked from Brandi to Kevin.

Kevin mouthed an apology, before walking out. Brandi looked at me, waiting for a sign to tell her to leave, I nodded slightly, and she left, shutting the door behind her.

Adam sighed. “You look..amazing..” He trailed off.

“Adam..why’re you here?” I asked, he cleared his throat.

“Why’d you lie to me? About it being him? I was gonna find out eventually.” He asked.

I rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry Adam. It wasn’t supposed to go like that. It really wasn’t..” I explained.

“And why am I Kevin’s plus one? You couldn’t invite me?” He questioned, as he crossed his arms. I scoffed, and rolled my eyes.

“Why would I invite you Adam? This is my wedding. You’re my ex boyfriend.” I explained.

“Marty’s here. How is that any different?” He asked.

“Adam. You know it’s not the same.” I sighed, and he shook his head.

“Oh, because he still hangs out with the groom? Because I don’t see how it’s any differ-”

“Because it’s you Adam!” I cut him off, his face softened, and I let out a sigh. “You know it’s not the same as having Marty here. You and me, were together for like four years. You always find a way to show up at the worst times..Adam, you have to let me go. For real this time.” I explained.

“W-What if I can’t?” He sighed, as he shook his head.

“Adam, you can..you have to.” I replied. He nodded in response.

“You know..it’s weird. This makes sense. You and Page. Don’t get me wrong, I hate it, but..it fits. So, if it’s not me..I’m glad it’s him.” He smiled, before hugging me. I hugged him back, and he kissed my forehead, before hesitantly pulling away.

“Happy wedding day Babe.” He smiled once more, before leaving the room.

I called Page soon after, he came in the room and smiled. “Isn’t this bad luck?”  He asked.

I sighed, as I hugged him, and buried my face in his chest. “Two of my exes are here. It doesn’t get worse than that.” He chuckled. “Yeah, I saw that Adam was here. I take he talked to you?” He asked, I nodded.

“Page..this is our wedding. Why did we invite anyone?” I breathed a laugh, and he cupped my face, with a smile.

“If I’m being completely honest with you, I have no idea. But here we are, you look absolutely phenomenal, I look pretty decent if I do say so myself.” He teased causing me to chuckle, he breathed a laugh, as he took my hands in his. “So, I say we get married, like we really wanna do, and then we go on our honeymoon, and do what we always do. Which is forget that anyone else in the universe exists, and break a headboard or two.” He continued, as his smile grew.

I chuckled and nodded. “Yeah let’s do that.”

“I gotta say Adam, I didn’t expect you to be ‘ere.” Marty said at the reception. Adam shrugged.

“Yeah, and I didn’t expect to be having a civil conversation with you.” He chuckled.

“I guess we really should’ve spent less time fighting ‘wif each ‘ova.” Marty replied, earning a nod from Adam.

“I hate to admit this, but I was wrong.” He admitted, causing Marty to furrow his brows and cock his head.

“About what?”

“About there not being a person existing that deserves her. He does.” Adam replied, looking over at me and Page. Marty let out a sigh and did the same.

“Yeah..you’re right about ‘vat.”

I really was the happiest I’d ever been.

[midnightluck]

walk right off the plank (into the wishing well)

This was vaguely based on a comic, but it went...off-track, so expect another attempt at this scenario again later. Here be sads.

--

The third partner Koala is assigned smiles a lot. He bows when he says his name is Sabo, and he’s generally pretty nice and polite and doesn’t hesitate to cut back with words when she starts it. He’s tall as her, blond, and they click well as partners, despite her misgivings.

She comes to know he’s crazy in a subtle kind of way and has a reckless disregard for anyone’s personal safety when on mission. It is a trait that has mostly served him well.

Mostly.

“Don’t you trust me?” he’s asking her now, grinning  the most untrustworthy grin ever.

“The second we get back, I’m putting in for a new partner,” she says and crosses her arms. “This plan is stupid. The risk factor is too high--”

“High risk, high reward,” he answers, eyes full of mischief and arrogance and bad life decisions.

She sighs and doesn’t unfold her arms. “I want it on record that I’m following you under protest.”

“Sure,” he agrees easily, tipping his hat. “You worry too much; it’ll be fine!”

It was, of course, not fine at all.

--

“You deserved it,” Koala says later, stumbling under his weight. “I can’t believe you tried to bribe him--”

He sways a bit and she holds his arm tighter. “His profile said--” he protests.

She hisses him quiet because he doesn’t get to talk, not after that. “--you deserved to get stabbed--”

“--it’s just a scratch, really, I’m fine--”

“You’re crazy, is what you--shit!” She lunges to the side, dragging him with and gritting her teeth against the strain it puts on her knee. He helps as much as he can, and they press into the small shadow in between shops.

Boots go thudding by, with lots of yelling. She bodily presses him further into the shadows and knows it’s gotta be hurting his shoulder, but he doesn’t make a sound.

It seems to take forever for the noise to fade, and she’s careful when she ducks out to check the path. It’s clear, so she drags his arm back across her shoulders and hauls him forward some more.

“Come on, we’re nearly there,” she says to both of them and keeps walking. The masts of the small schooner they’ve got for this mission are clearly visible. “We’ve got the berth til morning so once we get in, we can take a look at your shoulder.”

“I’m fine,” he says, stumbling over his own feet. “Just gimme a band-aid; I’ve had worse.”

“That’s not--!” She takes a deep breath, then lowers her voice and continues. “That’s not the point. C’mon, keep going.”

They make it all the way down the dock, and she looks up at the lines securing the schooner to the cleats. Her mouth sets, firm, and she ducks out from under his arm. “Lean against the hull; I’ll go up and put down the gangway.”

He protests because of course he does, but she jumps for the line and climbs it with the ease of long practice. She scrambles for the gangway and gets it down, rushing because otherwise he might do something dumb like try to climb the rope himself.

She’s mildly and pleasantly surprised to find him right where she left him, for once. He’s sweating profusely and his smile is solidly in grimacing territory, but he quietly lets her help him up the gangway.

He heads down into the cabin while she resecures the gangway and checks the lines real quick, and by the time she gets down there too, he’s at least got the medical kit out and his coat off, but he’s trying to bandage his shoulder over his shirt.

“Sabo.”

His teeth flash in the least convincing smile she’s ever seen him try. “I’m fine,” he says, and her patience snaps.

She drops and sweeps his feet, and he goes down. He doesn’t even manage to catch himself, which speaks more to how fine he isn’t than anything he could’ve said. She sighs, then goes and sits on his back to keep him there.

He wiggles and yells halfheartedly about how fine he is while she cuts the shirt apart and wipes away enough blood to get a look at it. It looks jagged but not too deep, probably, maybe, if he’d just stop moving--

By the time she's putting in the stitches, though, he's finally holding still. The boat is rocking and it's hard enough in the dark anyway, thank you. They both say a lot of really horrible things during it, and she grits her teeth and works through it because for all he’d put them in a spot to get hurt, the man had been aiming for her.

She dumps probably too much antiseptic on it and he howls like he didn’t when he actually got stabbed, the bastard. She wraps it with the only bandage they have left, swearing and snarling at him to stop it and not even trying to be gentle.

When it’s all done, he’s panting and getting sweat and blood everywhere, and she’s covered with both and still sitting across his back. She stares down at her hands, red against the pale skin and angry pink burns, and just breathes for a minute. He does the same, and the air is close and hot and quiet.

“I’m not sorry,” she says eventually.

He laughs, just a bit, and returns, “My brother would like you.”

She’s suddenly breathless for a whole ‘nother reason, and she scoots off to sit on the floor. It’s not an apology or a thank you but it’s so much more.

Because this is Sabo, the bright rising star of the Revolutionary Army and professionally paranoid spy. They found him dying of burns in the middle of the ocean and he’s been theirs ever since, but they know exactly nothing about his life from before.

Koala has to blink more than a few times to kill the burn, and then busies herself with repacking the medical kit. She can hear him sitting up somewhere beside her, but doesn’t dare to look over.

This is the first time since he's joined that he's voluntarily giving up any kind of personal information whatsoever, much less a weakness as big as a family that he loves. It's a gesture of trust so monumental, and it is because she earned it.

So she swallows and the next thing she says is, “We need to restock bandages when we get back.”

She never does get around to following through on that request for a different partner.

--

It becomes a thing.

In the quiet darkness of completed missions, when they’re safe for the moment and done catching their breaths but before the chaos starts up again, whoever messed up the most or feels the worst will offer something, just a little thing.

The time she gets him captured and has to go save him from torture, she lays in the darkness and stares at the wood above them and recites the history she carries on her skin, talking into the darkness with the soft counterpoint of waves and breathing. He accepts it and doesn’t try to apologize or empathize, like everyone else does when they find out.

In the morning, they’re right back to how they always are. She checks on his swollen wrist, he insists he’s fine, and she threatens to request a new partner and certainly doesn’t cry.

His are all about his brother. It's all stories about this kid named Ace. They come spilling out of him and it becomes abundantly clear to her why he's never mentioned Ace before. Sabo loves him to a worryingly dangerous degree; Ace is less Sabo’s weakness and more of a walking wound.

It's not like he only tells the good stories, either; he tells even the bad ones. The ones where they hurt each other and argue over tiny things, the ones where Ace disappeared for days and Sabo worried he was dead, and the ones where they failed at hunting and curled up hungry in the trash heap they apparently grew up in. Koala soon realizes why he tells them, even though every time he sounds like he’s poking that wound harder: he was so young when he joined the Army, and Sabo's clinging to any memory he has of them with fingernails and teeth.

It's another two years of constant missions and close calls and harrowing escapes before he even mentions Luffy.

--

“Let’s stop for lunch,” Sabo says.

Koala looks up to where he’s standing on the railing, one hand in the rigging and leaning out dangerously far, and sighs.

“Come on,” he says, swinging out on one foot to somewhat face her. “We’re two days ahead of schedule, the island is right there, and we can resupply!”

“We shouldn’t,” she says, but she’s already changing their course. They’ve got a while yet to go before they get back to base, and the problem with Sabo is that he eats everything. If stopping off so he can eat things that aren’t part of their rapidly dwindling supplies is an option, she’s gonna take it.

“You’re the best, Koala,” he says, and she rolls her eyes. She can never tell if he means it but it doesn’t matter because yes, she is the best.

“”I’m a pushover, is what I am,” she mutters, but it’s mostly for show.

They dock at the port with no issues, and Koala takes care of securing the boat while Sabo goes to rent the slip for a few hours. He comes meandering back with his hat tilted just a bit and a light in his eyes that she knows too well. “What’s up?” she asks instead, because accusing will just get denials.

“Interesting rumors,” Sabo says casually. “Some pirate causing trouble hereabouts, so the Marines are on a manhunt.”

She finishes tying off the last cleat and sits back on her heels. “Too hot?” she asks, and he shakes his head.

“They’re focused on the pirate,” he says, and offers her a hand up. She takes it, and they stroll into town.

A stampede of Marines comes pouring down the main street, and she pulls Sabo back and to the side as they pass. Neither says anything because they’re too busy trying to make out what the Marines are shouting.

Once they pass and the street clears, Sabo offers her arm. She takes it and they keep walking, and she murmurs, “Fire Fist, huh? Didn’t expect him all the way out here.”

Sabo hums like he’s listening, but he’s not paying attention, she can tell. His eyes are everywhere, looking for either threats or restaurants, so she continues mostly thinking out loud. “Whitebeard Commander, right? Was offered a shichibukai position and turned it down.”

“Of course he did,” Sabo says absently, attention caught by something across the street. “He couldn’t’ve risked it.”

She glances over too, and there he is. Fire Fist is leaving an alleyway, headed the opposite direction as the Marines. He probably thinks he’s sneaking but he mostly looks oblivious.

She can tell the moment they go from wandering to following Fire Fist. She’s still got a hand on Sabo’s arm and his steps go from purposeful to relaxed. It’s all fake, of course, but they both know you only want to look purposeful when you haven’t got a purpose, and eyes skate over a relaxed wanderer in a crowd.

Fire Fist turns the corner ahead of them. It’s not an issue until the clang-boom of a fight echoes out and then Sabo steps double-quick to catch up, nearly dragging her along.

She slides her hand away from his arm when he unholsters his pipe. “Wait--” she says, running after him, but he’s already charging forward.

She skids around the corner right after him, but he’s already in the thick of the group of Marines. There’s only a dozen or so, and with Fire Fist at it too, Koala knows she’s not needed. She steps back to the corner they’d come around instead; she’ll be the eyes and let him know if more are coming, and it’s always better to have the advantage of surprise, when you can get it.

The Marines fall because of course they do; they could never hope to stand against either Fire Fist nor Sabo in quality, and with both together they’d lost even quantity. They go down hard and fast and stay down, and Sabo spins both himself and his pipe around to face Fire Fist.

Fire Fist glares at him through narrow eyes. “Do I know you?” he asks, hands high and defensive.

She hears Sabo do that thing he does, regulating his breath, and then he says, "Ace,"  in a way she's never heard in daylight. And now she knows why, because that expression on his face looks like heartbreak.

It makes her breath catch in her throat because suddenly she knows; this isn't just Fire Fist Ace, this is Sabo's Ace, and her duty to watching her idiot partner's back is conflicting with the sense that this is something she really shouldn't see.

"Who are you?" Ace asks, and Sabo's smile turns hollow under manic-bright eyes.

"You don't recognize me?" he asks, and she will never know how much effort it takes to keep his voice that steady.

Koala is watching this, every word sticking under her bones like shattered glass, because this is Ace, this is Sabo's Ace, and he clearly doesn't recognize his own brother.

And Sabo--Sabo is young and driven and high up already, trusted with secrets and in charge of plans, and she knows he can't afford a weakness, much less one like this. And if she knows it, she knows he does too.

Finally Ace straightens up, dropping his stance to wave dismissively. "Whatever, stranger,” he says. “I'm gonna get back to the crew. And Pops. Because I'm a Division Commander of the Whitebeard Pirates. And they are my family and extremely protective."

Sabo’s face doesn’t change but his breath breaks. It’s funny, she thinks, in an awful kind of way; she can almost see Sabo's hand in that warning. He must’ve tried to teach Ace how to think tactically, but it’s blunt and imprecise.

It’s also effective, because using family against Sabo makes the light in Sabo's eyes go dead. He's hitting that dangerous nobody-home look that heralds a breakdown, and then Ace turns away.

“Oh, Ace.” Sabo takes one second, one instinctive step forward, and one quiet breath that shudders. Then his hand and his shoulders fall and he smiles, a smile so sharp with grief that it cuts Koala cold.

Ace doesn’t seem to notice the pain there, though. “Yeah, seriously, bye,” he says, edging away.

“Goodbye, Ace,” Sabo says, watching him leave. “Go back to your family,” he says, even though Ace can’t possibly hear him anymore..”...you don't need my brand of trouble anyhow.”

Koala watches him watching his brother, and she knows that she will never ever threaten to request another partner ever again. She has been spoiled by him, for all his mischief, because there's no one else in the world this strong.

He doesn’t say anything to her about Ace or the lunch they never got. He just tugs the brim of his hat down and puts his smile in place, then aboutfaces and heads for the docks. She’s barely breathing as she follows him, and her heart hurts for every step he takes.

No one stops them or gets in their way, and he may have forgotten she’s there, for all the attention he’s paying. He disappears under the deck without pause, and she hesitates.

The door closes behind him and she sinks down and sits in front of the stairs. There’s sounds coming from inside, but she ignores them and instead focuses on the world around them.

She can’t help in any way but this, so she’ll stand guard as long as he needs.

[medea10]

My Review of Hell Girl: Fourth Twilight

[rainbowravioli]

(1/10) Hey, I've been thinking about something in regards to Yurio's character development and stuff that got cut from the story, and I want to know what you think, so I'm just going to anon spam you for a minute, if you don't mind? I'm sorry if it actually bugs you! I'm also sorry if I was actually over-thinking it. I just wanted someone else's thoughts on this because it wouldn't leave me alone.

(2/10) Okay, so Kubo said Yurio was the first character they created but he couldn’t pull the plot because his story is too tragic, and with the time constraints, they decided to just focus on the love around him that helps him grow. At first I thought, “Okay, that’s just part of the creative process, stuff can absolutely change before the final product comes out.” Then I realized they left too many hints of this backstory in and it causes a problem.(3/10) We know his family is poor due to the state of his grandpa’s truck (I believe someone on Tumblr pointed out it’s so old, you never see those models in Russia anymore) and the fact Yurio has been the sole provider of his family since his rookie days (via official bio). We know his parents aren’t heavily involved in his life because of the flashback in episode 2 or 3, his grandfather being the only family we actually see, and the only relative he thinks about during his Agape struggles.(4/10) Surely if he had a good relationship with his parents (or, if they were loving but are dead/gone and he missed them), then he would think of them more, right? And if he’s the sole provider of his family, then that means if they are around, they’re not working for whatever reason. Now THIS is the part that gets me, him being the sole provider of the family.(5/10) If they had left the “sole provider” bit out, we could assume Yurio either has a poor or stuck-in-the-past grandpa that he’s closer to than his parents because they’re not around much. Not all parents are that close to their children for one reason or another, or really get their children’s interests (Yuuri family is supportive of him, but it’s canon they don’t understand figure skating either). He wouldn’t think of them because they aren’t on the same page.(6/10) But the “sole provider since his rookie days” bit adds a whole ‘nother layer to his character. It tells us straight up he comes from a poor family where his parents either can’t or won’t work, his grandfather definitely doesn’t work because surely he would help out (his child and) grandchild if he could in that situation, and gives a new reason for his bad attitude and why he skates. Remember how Otabek said 10y/o Yurio had the eyes of a soldier? (7/10) Without this context we can just rub it off as a normal determination to win and Otabek’s love of war analogies. But with it, it gives us more insight. He probably had those soldier eyes and threw himself into skating hard without complaint until he made a name for himself because that’s the only way he knew to keep his family afloat. He needs to get to the top not just for himself but for his family’s financial stability. He’s such a brat partially because of the weight on his shoulders. (8/10) Unless you want to tell me he’s been washing dishes in a restaurant in his free time since he was 10 or so, I don’t see any other way he could be providing for his family. Anyway, if this had been fully incorporated into the story, I believe the way Yurio built new relationships and learned to rely on others would have been more impactful. (9/10) He’s basically been alone and worked hard for the sake of something that shouldn’t have been his responsibility in the first place, now he’s learning to open up more, to let agape in. The contrast between himself at the beginning and the end would have been more insightful. I can get why they would decide against this, though. There simply wasn’t enough time for it.(10/10) Leaving it at Yurio being a brat who might not have the best relationship with his parents, and simply wants to win and prove himself is fine. I think they tried to keep on this route by establishing that pre-Yuuri, he never took practice seriously. But by leaving the “sole provider” bit in his bio, it stays a part of his final character design, and it feels like a crucial part of him was left unexplored.

That’s a very good and interesting point you bring up anon! I never addressed that part of the official bio (also, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought it said ‘main’ provider, not ‘sole’ provider, which carries a different weight) in my Yurio narrative breakdown though because…it never came up in the actual show. 

And it’s a shame, because like you said it would give an extra dimension to Yurio’s character and his motivations. It also adds nicely to the Victor parallel. We really don’t know a lot about Yurio’s family situation, but what we do know is very telling. His mother wasn’t/isn’t around. Apart from that reference Yurio never thinks of his parents. his grandfather is the only person he associates with unconditional love (and the only person who we see emotionally supporting Yurio in his skating). The only person Yurio was concerned about finding out he was in Japan was Yakov. Lilia tells him to pack his things, makes absolutely no mention of notifying his parents about coming to live with her. 

So yeah, Yurio’s family situation is not great. But it’s one thing to have that, and it’s another to have Yurio shoulder the responsibility of being the main provider for his family. Note I’m using main provider here, because sole provider really doesn’t fit with the way Yurio acts in the series. That’s a much bigger responsibility and pressure on his shoulders. If his family was depending solely on his skating to survive, Yurio wouldn’t slack off his training the way he does before feeling challenged by Yuuri. You can’t have both, “he had the eyes of a soldier because he was fighting for his family’s survival” and “I don’t have time to focus on training I’m on my phone what family?” at the same time, it doesn’t make for a consistent character. 

You’re right though, that if this had been fully incorporated and acknowledged in the story, Yurio’s agape narrative would be much more impactful and it would just add more depth and complexity to his character overall. It’s a shame they didn’t explore it. It would have been so easy to do that too. Just have Yurio think about it. I mean, Yurio already thinks a lot about his motivations to win in the show, it wouldn’t be hard to add that he was thinking about providing for his family too. As it stands, I can’t even fully acknowledge that detail as canon, part of the official bio or not, because it’s something that goes against the way Yurio is currently written a lot of times. 

He’s still a great character, and his current background works but yeah, wish they could have kept that detail in. 

[axe-trio-commanders]

How Far is the End of the Ocean

Mun cries about cats again. Also more backstory! Might want to read the story ‘Kiori’ for context that I wrote for commander week, should be listed under the ‘origins’ hashtag. Anywayyys, spoilers for lws4, and... I think that’s it, really. Also death mention. Because that’s how we do... things... yup. Also a little bit abandonment possibly. Not sure.

---

“rrrrrRRRAAAAR!”

Amiaza pounced with a ferocious, lioness’ roar, from the bushes- only to find her paws meeting the disappointing, shallow ground. She turned with a low growl at the sound of crackling electricity, seeing the smug, smiling- and rather similar- face of another Charr smiling from the bushes she’d just leapt from. She huffed, tail swaying from side to side.

“That’s cheatiiiing!” She complained, lowering herself to the ground to leap again.

“It’s just using the magic I was born with. What, like you’re not using any magic at all right now, miss sandypaws?” the other charr teased.

She huffed, lowering herself further. “...Maybe. You don’t know.”

“Mmmaybe I do.”

Amiaza then pounced again, leaping high into the air- landing with a resounding thud that shook the ground a little, throwing the other charr off balance- and she quickly took the opportunity to full-on tackle her to the ground, sitting up with a rumble of triumph after pinning the other to the ground. “Guess I cheat better.”

“Guess again.”

She squeaked as she found herself starting to lift off of the ground- the stones underneath her paws lifting themselves into the air- though... shakily, it seemed like... she stood stiffly still, fur standing on end as she looked down at the other, honestly impressed. She was getting better at this! Maybe someday she’d be able to-

Fmmph

Ngh. Ground. Sand in her face. Face hurt. She felt a paw poke her in the face, only giving an upset grumble in response. “You, uh- you alright, sis?”

She rolled over and sat up, spitting out some sand, wiping it off her tongue with a paw, and then gave her a double thumbs-up. “Mhm! And you managed that a lot longer than last time!”

Her sister sat up herself, beaming with pride, before pausing. “...Not that slowly floating up’s gonna catch anyone off guard... I gotta be faster.”

Amiaza winced. “Maybe, uh... not in practice with me. I can’t actually fly yet, y’know.”

“With your skimmer? You’re sure close.”

“Strawberry isn’t fast enough to save me from falling from the sky, sis,” she whined, plopping back down to the sandy ground. She could, faintly, hear the sound of waves through it. It was calming.

“Yeah... sure you can’t make good friends with a bird? I’d bet you could fly then.”

Amiaza snorted. “Yeah, sure, like wind magic’s gonna make you fly.”

“I can already teleport, that’s gonna be next! I’m gonna fly off to a whole ‘nother continent!”

“Uh-huh. Until you headbutt a big ol’ wave again and go under.” ...Again with the leaving... as much as she knew her sister was a wildcard, she wasn’t sure why she seemed so fixated on... leaving. Or going back, if she believed her elders- which she didn’t. Her sister had no reason to join the flame legion- she was just...

“That was one time!” Her sister objected, standing up with an exaggerated frown. “And it was on purpose. I just... didn’t know water was that strong.”

Amiaza chuckled. “Yeah, like the elders will ever let you forget.”

Her sister let out a growl, rolling her eyes.

Her sister, despite being an elementalist, and- in the Sandswept Isles they’d lived and grown up in- surrounded by water, she... wasn’t exactly well-attuned to the element. She could only really pull the water around if it was in a fine mist, or a vapor- if it was hot. Really, her abilities had always been in fire- something, given the flame legion terror some of the Olmakhan elders were still elder enough to remember, that was... uncomfortable, at times. Not that anyone openly berated her for it- it was what nature had gifted her with. And she’d done some amazing things with it- she was absolutely amazing at fire dances. But if she went away, on her own... Water doused fire. Was powerful against fire. Both of the twins had heard that lesson... more than once.

---

“But don’t you think it’d be fun to just... keep riding out? See if there’s an end to the ocean?”

Her sister’s question caught Amiaza off-guard, and she looked at her sister with more than a little worry. “...But there’s still so much of the forest here...”

“There’s so much more of this world than our forest. Maybe people who need our help!”

Amiaza winced. “...But we need...”

“You heard the elders, right? They don’t need me. We’re safe here.”

...But she needed her. There... weren’t any other cubs close to their age growing up- it’d been... tense between them at first, sure, but they’d learned to support each other instead soon enough. They weren’t the same anymore. Her sister was... bigger, definitely- and though Amiaza had first tamed her sand lioness, Sandie (she was clearly the best at names), to try and help her sister get more in tune with the earth element... her sister was better at fire. She was... amazing at fire- not that she wasn’t amazing at anything else; she was certainly agile, and she’d been getting physically stronger, too... Amiaza started to realize, now, why. Skimmers weren’t really good at heavy lifting- not heavy lifting that required articulated digits, at least. And Amiaza... she was a ranger. A soulbeast ranger- she was sure some of the charr in their village still didn’t know she had a pet- others... wouldn’t recognize her, with her sandy fur. Sandie wasn’t comfortable around them yet, was all...

...Neither was Amiaza, really.

It was always just her and her sister...

---

...

...Amiaza looked out at the waves, perched high in a tree, trying to see how far they went. How far she’d have to swim.

...It wasn’t the elder’s fault. The words they’d said... they’d been in a kind tone- encouraging her sister to stay. Telling her it was safe here. But...

She gritted her teeth. They should’ve known her better. She should’ve known her better. Knowing they’d be okay if she left... it only drove her further away. Only fueled the already burning fire.

...And she couldn’t blame her sister, either. She’d insisted on going, and... Amiaza couldn’t stop her, only insisting her sister take her skimmer. Strawberry was faster. And... it felt like, that way, she could still... be there? She wasn’t sure what she wanted, now. She wanted her sister back. She wanted to go with. She wanted... Her sister had promised she’d come back and visit, though- she just... had to wait.

---

...Amiaza looked out at the waves, perched high in a tree, trying to see how far they went. How far a bird could fly. There weren’t many friendly birds on the island- she hadn’t really had any luck taming any of them. She’d feel bad taking the eggs, even if they were normally just taken for food. And it wouldn’t let her fly, anyways. Not far enough to see her sister again. Not after these months...

---

Amiaza looked out at the waves, perched high in a tree, trying to see how far they went. How far her voice would have to reach. She’d found an old songbook of her sisters- she knew she sung, knew the elders had once said both their voices were beautiful. A gift to the village. She wanted to sing with her sister again, but... the water had never loved her sister enough to lend her its power- why would it ever carry her voice?

---

Amiaza looked out at the waves, perched high in a tree, trying to see how far it went. How much of the ocean, land, time lay between them by now... she tried to remember her sister’s voice, but... the memories were fading. It’d been... a while, since she’d returned to the village from the forest. No one to remind her... would they remember any better? ...But they’d told her she had her sister’s song, once- they could hold a perfect harmony. She took in a breath, let her eyes close. She could remind herself what her sister sounded like- maybe call her home...

---

--

-

Amiaza looked out at the waves, perched high in a tree. She forgot why, some days. No one in the village really... visited, to remind her- she’d been living just fine on her own. Well, not quite on her own, her and Sandie... her eyes glazed over for a moment or two. What was it she was looking for in the water...? ...She’d climb back down the tree, her landings heavy, unfocused... almost clumsy, if a part of her wasn’t still just a little afraid of falling.

Her paws trudged through sand, feeling it between her toes. Warm. Gritty. Then wet and cold. Her ears twitched as she noticed something in the waves- glinting in the sunlight. She turned her head, smelling smoke. Something had crashed into the beach... Large, dark, twisted- parts of hit red with heat. She looked back to the shiny piece, wading into the water to pick it up carefully in her paws. She felt a small twinge of pain in her paw as the sharp edges cut in, but continued to look into its surface. At what was reflected in it. She’d... let her fur grow out, a little wild, but... she felt Sandie’s head rub against her side, not having registered her separation, not having realized she’d sat down. Orange. Her fur was orange, like torchlight. It was something, besides a face, her and her sister shared. Her sister...

She gripped the piece of glass tighter for a moment, until she noticed the red starting to tint it- and she held it a little lighter, taking away one paw to lick at the wound. She and her pet once again one, she’d turn, with the glass, back to the forest, singing softly to herself.

‘All the sandy shores, and all the leaves of distant trees /

Why shouldn’t all of nature sing of my love for you...?’

---

She looked into her reflection, scattered across the ground, her paws shaking. Her reflection. It was- no, it was broken, fractured, it wasn’t- she could feel her heartbeat in her ears, her throat choked. Something was missing. Something had gone missing, something had left. Something was... lost. She’d lost... she tried to take a breath, but it shook too much- she fell the ground, front paws feeling the cut of the glass. She was lost. With more certainty than she’d known for years... she’d lost her sister.

---

...Her... song... why was she hearing her song...?

...She crept closer, through the forest, ears tilted forwards. There was something with it... she didn’t recognize the voice- it was low, a little scratchy. It wasn’t her sister’s, but... there was something with it- a pleasant-sounding instrument, playing out a harmony she’d never heard to a song she’d been singing for...

She came close enough to see him, pausing. High in the trees, she saw him, his instrument- strings, pulled out in front of a sort of... pear-shaped chamber, his claws delicately gliding over the strings as he sang softly, eyes full of a sort of... love, and...

...She caught the remaining light of the night’s moon and stars glinting off of his eyes and muzzle in the way it only did when they were wet.

He wasn’t an Olmakhan. He wasn’t from the Isles.

...But he knew her sister’s song.

And she saw the way he stiffened when he saw here, recognition and... more than that, fear in his eyes as he held his instrument closer to himself- and she stood before him, took a breath, and knelt, softly continuing the song.

‘Stormy skies and distant waters, far from familiar shores,’

She saw him slowly re-adjust his instrument, strumming the next notes- and... she heard words she’d never heard her sister sing before.

‘When they call to you, my child...’

The silence that fell was... deafening, to both of them. It was becoming... so suddenly, abruptly, and... bitter-sweetly clear what had happened to her sister.

The other charr’s words were... broken, full of all the grief Amiaza had ever known, familiar to her as the sea.

“...You knew Strea?”

And... somehow, she couldn’t quite help but smile.

“Some used to mistake us for one another.”

...Her sister had gone because she saw a world in need of help, and... she’d found it, hadn’t she? ...She’d found someone in need of a family. And however long it lasted, whatever had taken her sister in the end... she’d come back. She’d shattered into other lives- in this one, in Amiaza’s own... and, somewhere, too, a cub’s. Her sister had a cub. And... while she knew she couldn’t take Strea’s place in any of those lives... she could still be a sister.

‘...They carry my love for you.’

[piddle-puddle]

Some Old Tikal Drabbles

SO SOMETIME A GOOD 4000 YEARS AGO IN THE RP VERSE, EVERYONE WAS DOING THIS ONE DRABBLE ASK GAME AND I TOOK FOREVER TO DO ANY OF THEM. of course ol Tikal mun sent a few and I did these a while ago but just to have them somewhere I figure i’d post em just cuz. so yeh.

Enjoy some old writing of the two. here yall go.

Leave a “Quiet Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character trying to calm yours down [be it from crying, from lashing out, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Unbind Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about your character freeing mine, or the other way around, or something among the lines [be it freeing them from jail, from handcuffs, from a trap, from a curse, feel free to specify.]

Leave a “Remember Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about my character trying to get yours to remember them [be it from an accident, meeting them after years apart, feel free to specify.]

Unbind me:

It was almost nightfall, Tikal didn’t usually take this long to come home. Chaos was getting a little worried, but she’d been gone much longer then this before and been okay. He was originally waiting for the little orange mammal to return to the shrine as his indication feed the Chao dinner. Perhaps this would be one of her more lengthy walks. 

Considering the possibly she might not arrive until much later, the aquatic form decided now would be as good a time as ever to go check on that weird area over yonder on the opposing side of the island. He picked up a faint energy signal while experimenting with exactly how much energy he could drain from the Master Emerald without causing any change in the island’s altitude (his results were rather depressing). It didn’t appear to be a threat and leaving the Chao after just messing with the Master Emerald didn’t seem like a good idea, So he’d put investigation off until someone else was available to watch the Chao while he was away. 

It’d been a while since then, and he finally convinced himself they’d be fine for the few minutes he was out. Proceeding to the nearest chao-fruit-tree to him, knocking down some of its produce, and instructing the three eldest Chao to distribute them to the others; Chaos warped himself near the source of the signal.

aaaaaand found himself in a mess of jungle, vines, and vegetation all around. This was a pretty dense forest, the person emitting the energy must have gotten lost in the middle of it. The poor fool… 

Not much time had passed before the deity found himself within range to sense the origin point himself, though at this point he didnt really need to sense it to determine the location. Whatever it was was doing a huge amount of moving. Enough to the point he could hear it over the rest of the jungle. That is, until the noise suddenly stopped.

Chaos followed suit, did the target sense his presense? He thought he was being pretty quiet, much more then they were anyway. His question was answered as a burst of chaos energy shot into the air. Chaos stood still shocked for but a mere moment before beating feet toward its origin.

What he found though, left him speechless 

A small, orange young girl hung tangled in numerous tree vines and was clearly frustrated. Chaos, holding in a laugh, surveyed the mess the poor echidna had got herself into. How that even happened was not something he planned to ask, as he himself would have been far too embarrased to answer that question. Not that the question he finally did end up asking was any better. No not by a long shot

“Are you in need of assistance?”

Tikal stopped her squirming for a while, letting a dead silence set in. 

“No of course not! Just thought spending an entire day struggling to get out of these vines would be a great way to spend my time~!” Her voice was delightfully snide. For a moment Chaos considered returning the favor, but she already looked miffed enough for one day.

“A-apologies, Tikal. Here, cease movement while I cut you out.” With that, Chaos dissolved into a puddle and began to encircle the floor right below the girl. In one simple, swift movement, a wave shot up from the very edge, slicing straight through the vines. Traveling the circumference of the circle, Chaos cut each cord in such a sudden fashion that Tikal didn’t have time to angle herself, and she fell right to the ground with a little peep. the deity just sort of giggled, reforming a bit off to the side. “Shall we be off toward home?”

“Thanks..” The echidna remarked, not quite appreciating the sudden drop, but very thankful to be free. She attempted to get to her feet, struggling slightly. She’d been stuck there for quite a while. The girl nodded to her friend though, “I wouldn’t guess you already have food prepared there?”

“It shouldn’t take long to fix up something. Wouldst you I carry you back until your feet regain their fullness?” He smiled. Or at least attempted to.

“I’ll be fine… Thank you again. That was really unpleasant.”

“Not to worry dear. I only wish I arrived sooner.”

Quiet me:

Had this sort of circumstance happened to anyone else, she might have managed to chuckle a bit at it. However, Tikal knew how much the deity loved gardening; she knew that next to caring for Chao, that was the thing that brought him the most joy.

The sheer scale of the issue also took a large hit on the humor value. Gigantic, towering fungi loomed over the whole zone, it was a wonder none of them were harmful to anything but the vegetation. This whole place was somewhat of a natural miracle.

Chaos had another word for it however. Several in fact, “Disaster”.. “monstrosity”.. “abomination”… Those seemed to sum up pretty fairly the sort of feelings Chaos was emitting through the energy he naturally produced. Often times, he took great care to keep his energy from reflecting his emotions, as this would allow those able to sense Chaos energy, like Tikal, from knowing how he felt. However, this time he was far to focused on being demoralized to bother with that.

“Knuckles said they call this place Mushroom Hill Zone now..” The girl remarked, recalling how he had just a mere few moments ago been so enthusiastic about taking her to his private garden. many times when she was younger seeing her friend appear at the shrine from this direction every now and then. He couldn’t speak clearly during that time, but he had seemed to have a sense of pride about him when returning home. At this moment, she could tell even without his aura actively communicating it, that he was filled mostly with despair at the sight of what had happened. That prooooooooobably meant the gargantuan mushrooms weren’t supposed to be here. “I’m sorry Chaos.” She said, attempting to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Aaaand it went right through him. He apparently wasn’t even mentally present enough to focus his body into a semi-solid state. The comfort hugs would have to wait a while then.

In the meantime, Chaos continued his whimpering. There had been outbreaks of the spores before, but he was always there to cut them down before they had the chance. He’d been tending to that garden for what felt like ever sense he adopted the Chao. In fact they actually used to live there until the shrine was built for him and the emerald. It’s beauty was awe-inspiring; lush, green, glimmering and filled to the brim with life, blooming flowers and fruit the hundreds. It was his pride and joy, second to only the children he cared for. But… this was all that work had resulted too..

After what seemed like half an hour, he managed to whimper out a “h-h-…how..??” That was almost rhetorical though. His energy had a bizarre strengthening effect of living things, which was mostly how he managed to get so much verity in his garden all in one place. The area was always plagued by some kind of fungus infestation, an issue he realized a little too late. But as long as he kept them under control it was fine. The problem, was that they were allowed about 4,000 or so years to grow without his constant maintenance. That was something both he and Tikal managed to piece together a little while after the fact. Of course, unaware he had been able to guess at that, Tikal explained the whole theory to him outloud, and being rewarded with a severely upset groan. Chaos then proceeded to flop on the ground and continue his moping until the poor girl couldn’t take it anymore. 

She stayed there until sundown, trying to think and say and do things that would cheer him up, although it appeared to accomplish nothing. She eventually gave up and had to drag him back to the shrine using a water basket; where he continued to sit and mope and the foot of the stairs with all the Chao sitting with him, trying to be of some comfort.

Needless to say, Chaos never went to that half of the island ever again.

Remember me:

Dust clouds filled the air, pile upon pile of rocks falling to the ground after each earth-shattering blow struck the ground. She’d arrived late, and had missed whatever was causing the creature to begin his rampage once again, but it hardly mattered. Chaos’ mood was easily effect by surrounding forces, and it certainly seemed someone around here had been putting out a lot of negative chaos energy. Even without the concentrated pool radiating off the elemental himself, Tikal could sense someone else had been here before, most likely driving the poor being over the edge.

Perhaps Chaos’ sluggishness was a blessing in disguise, because he was having one heck of a time landing a hit on the girl. This was a new experience for the both of them, never before had Chaos ever attempted to harm Tikal throughout all the time he’d been acquainted with her. It was… frightening.. to see him like this. Not just because he himself was quite dangerous, but because of how caring she knew he was underneath. She’d only been able to witness his drastic shift of personalities from a far, but up close and directed at her was a whole nother story..

And to think, it was yet another blessing he only took one emerald with him, she could only imagine how her family felt facing him at the shrine was all those years ago. On his face was a cold, dead expression. His aura radiated hate and rage, being near him was sickening.

Another three jabs struck the ground with no contact. Chaos had never been exceptional at one on one combat. His aim was atrocious. Easily dashing backward, the echidnan girl called out to her friend once again in hopes of reaching his conscience, but to no avail. Just once she’d like for that to work. To not have to put herself and her friends at potential risk of being hurt by getting up close and personal. One blow to his brain ought to keep him still enough to try and transfer some positive energy to him, but that meant hurting him. And while hurting him was a much better option then wait for him to get lucky and land a hit, not only did that mean she’d have to fight him, but he had a horribly bad guilt-inducing cry. It was like kicking a puppy to her, you just can’t do it and remain happy afterwards.

She spent too much time in thought this round, Chaos was already right above her with his next attack, charged and ready to break more earth. She acted quick, leaping of the ground at the enraged deity. If Chaos was rearing to punch, he’d have to solidize his fist in order for it to have much an impact. She’d seen this technique of his a number of times, Nicknaming it Chaos Impact, after the large shock-wave it produced. Mid-way through Chaos’ strike, Tikal reached her arm out, placing her palm on what equated to his wrist. She pushed off right when his punch struck ground, the impact aiding the girl in her flip over her friend. This would have provided the perfect opportunity to return fire, but still feeling conflicted over the situation, Tikal failed to take advantage of this. 

This proved to be a bad decision, as Chaos had anticipated this. Hearing a loud smack, the orange girl found herself spinning uncontrollably through the air, a sharp pain in her side. Her vision blurred, unable to identify anything she caught a glimpse of. Chaos however, having just swatted his opponent upward with his tail, aimed to make the most of his upper hand. 

Not that he had any specific idea what he was doing. Thinking was exactly something he was capable of at the moment. He was fighting something before and it… did something and now there’s this other something and everything just kind of meshed into one indistinguishable mess. All that was functioning properly in him was pure instinct, and that was telling him very clearly that whatever was making him feel so horrid would go away if he kept fighting. That was usually the only thing his instinct ever told him and it was usually a load of bull. Chaos often wondered why he ever listened to bit, but again, thinking was a bit out of the question at the moment. Anger dulled his senses, and he behaved according to any impulse he had.

Liquid planted itself firmly in the ground, the rest of the tail trailing back to its origin on the deity’s body. In one simple, swift movement, Chaos flicked himself up into the air. The arm that had once held the charge for his first attack now swung out, and the liquid form flipped himself upward. Tikal, who had finally begun slowing down enough to see what was going on, found herself being caught rather comfortably by the god. The spinning finally stopped, and it was strangely reassuring Chaos didn’t punch her when he could have. Although she knew it wouldn’t last long.

Chaos flipped their positions on the decent, pushing his friend to the ground and landing on his feat. The arm he used to catch her was now pressed down on her stomach, pinning her to the ground. He realized he couldn’t keep up with her, so he knew he had to stop her movement completely. Succeeding in doing so, Chaos raised the one arm he hadn’t used, containing yet another charged chaos impact, shooting a cold, cruel glare at his opponent.

This situation was extremely bleak; breathing was getting increasingly harder, and Tikal knew what was going to happen next. Yet.. somehow she didn’t feel scared. She stared Chaos straight back; and not with a face of anger but one with compassion. She didn’t feel mad, just sorry. All at once, every action in the aquatic being’s body halted. Instinct told him to attack, but he could not force himself to drop his fist. Neither moved a muscle, and silence fell over the battle field.

Seeing the confusion in the others eyes, Tikal spoke. “…Chaos.. c-can you see me now?”

There was no response. The beast just continued to stare, eyes big and bright with bewilderment. His ability to think seemed to have returned, but nothing he was seeing was being understood.

“You tend.. to forget yourself at times..” Her voice was calm and quiet. “That’s.. that’s okay Chaos, really.. you j-.. just need a reminder sometimes..!”

The hand raised only a little from her abdomen, allowing her to breath easy again. Silence fell once again while the echidna gathered her breath. Chaos had frozen completely still, paralyzed in shock and fear. Thoughts were now running wild through his head and he was unable to grasp a one.

“You’re.. you’re a kind and gentle guardian. A-and you protect those who cannot defend themselves.” She rested her hands on his, softly patting it in a reassuring manner. Gone was the anger that pulsed from his being, replaced by fright, regret, and panic. Tikal slowly began concentrating her own positive energy into her palms, hoping to channel them to him.

“You’re not a monster Chaos, no matter what you or anyone else say… Don’t ever think that, because it’s wrong.” It seemed that Chaos finally regained most of his consciousness. Tikal smiled at him in her friendly way, although she was beginning to feel faint. Reaching up, she shut her eyes, hugged his arm and said the last bit she wanted to add.

“You’re my friend Chaos, and I can’t think of anything that will change that.”

…

 When the little orange girl next opened her eyes, she found herself in a familiar location. Chirping was heard a moment later from a Chao sitting next to her, apparently waiting for her to wake up. She soon realized that she was back at the shrine, resting on an incredibly shoddily made bed composed of leafs. Chaos lay curled up on top of the master emerald, obviously attempting to take up as little space as possible. 

She’d have to smooth things over with him later, but for now, she was just happy to be back home.