#which is a lot. for me. but the concept of just . any sort of commitment even just in friendship is still so foreign to me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

arachine · 2 years ago

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♡ ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ｡･* . . . their firsts .ᐟ

ᥫ᭡ featuring :: neteyam, lo’ak and kiri sully

ᥫ᭡ includes :: their first kisses & times !!

ᥫ᭡ genre :: mature

ᥫ᭡ general tags :: sexual content (nothing explicit), fluff

ᥫ᭡ content warnings :: characters are aged up, dry humor

ᥫ᭡ note :: depending on the attention this receives, i may or may not make a part two with spider, tsireya, and a’onung >_<

♯ first…kiss with neteyam .ᐟ

+ neteyam’s got that older brother charm. a real gentleman, through and through—which isn’t the least bit surprising because he’s neytiri’s son, after all. and given this, he just…naturally excels at most things, even kissing. when it happens, it’s kind of almost unreal, sort of like a fairytale. he’s just so…good at it, doesn’t rush you, or force his tongue down your throat, or do anything that would even slightly make you uncomfortable.

no, he’s slow—methodical. takes his time with you because he wants to taste you, and commit it to memory. i’d like to think he even makes you laugh before he goes in, because he’s just like that, you know? like, yeah, he’s got neytiri’s whole face but he’s still his daddy’s son—he’s got the smugness and attitude to prove it.

♯ first…time with neteyam .ᐟ

+ god, i don’t even know where to begin. every fiber of my being believes that he’d make it the most comfortable, painless experience ever. usually, most people dread their firsts—simply because their partners didn’t: 1) prep them properly, 2) make sure that they finished, or 3) provide aftercare��but neteyam? yeah, he’s going above and beyond, and checking off every single one! you being in pain and miserable was simply never an option.

as previously mentioned, i’d like to think he’d try and calm your nerves by making you laugh. just a few jokes here and there, just to get your mind off of the initial stretch of his fingers working you.

— “who’s the prettiest girl on pandora?” he teases, leaving zephyr-light kisses all over your face. you think he’s so corny, but giggle anyway, shoving lightly at his chest.

“stop it!” but he’s relentless, still peppering your face with kisses, still prodding your slit. you’re so distracted by his attempts to calm your nerves, that you don’t even notice his finger is all the way in. not until he pulls it out and praises you for opening up for him.

— “see, look at you,” a gentle hand rises to caress your cheek, “so pretty.”

♯ first…kiss with lo'ak .ᐟ

+ the concept of patience is entirely foreign to him. patience and him are like oil and water. they just don’t mix. he’s a here, now, and fast type of guy, always has been. and when the moment arises between you two, he’s the first to initiate it—however, it’s no fairytale moment. it’s toothy, wet, and inexperienced.

i’d like to think it’s you who has to take the initiative when it comes to kissing. and through this, he begins to get a sense of the things you like: how slow he should go, how much tongue, where he should hold you, and how he should move his lips. eventually, he gains enough confidence to kiss you the way he’s been wanting to kiss you—which is hard, and rough, and passionate—just a lot less toothy and wet.

♯ first…time with lo'ak .ᐟ

+ it’s all baby steps and hand holding with him in this department too. this is the one instance in which i don’t think he’d charge into. i think after kissing you for the first time, he’d use some of that knowledge to decipher how he’d go about it. at first, he’s like incredibly scared to touch you, just hovering over you like a sheet of paper, scared that if he uses just the slightest amount of strength, you’ll break or something.

— “does that hurt?” / “can you feel that?” / “maybe if we try it this way…” / “am i in?”

the sentiment is cute, thoughtful even. because don’t get me wrong, a man that takes the time to ask you how he should touch you, where he should touch you, and how you’re feeling during sex is amazing. bravo to any guy who does it (it’s the bare minimum), but lo’ak does it to the point where you’re questioning if he’s scared of pussy. overall, i think this is something you’ll have to take the initiative for too.

— “lo’ak if you don’t touch me right now, i swear to god i’m going to kill you and then myself.”

♯ first…kiss with kiri .ᐟ

+ my sweet girl. my bestest girl. i just know it’d be so fucking cute. like actually, the type of kiss where your leg slowly springs up (i.e. the princess diaries). yeah, it’d be that good. girls just do everything better anyway, and it’s kiri, so the expectations were already high (duh). the thing about kiri is, when she kisses, she really commits to the kiss. she doesn’t do half-assed, because kissing is like dessert.

it’s supposed to be (especially first kisses) sweet, and airy, and dizzying—and it is! the amalgamation of her tender touches, and the little giggles in between, and the teasing ‘run and follow’ your lips do…are all things that add to the experience. a kiss with kiri will literally have you on speed dial with uhaul, trust and believe!

♯ first…time with kiri .ᐟ

+ like neteyam, she’d be so attentive. just making sure you’re comfortable, reassuring you, whispering words of encouragement, and checking in on you mentally. she knows that sex can be exhausting (both physically and mentally), so i’d like to think she’d spend extra time on foreplay and aftercare than she would during the actual act itself—not that she had to spend much time on you anyway, because getting you to finish wasn’t something she considered to be much of a feat.

also, kiri is a princess, she’s literally the first born daughter. she may often appear to have a tough exterior, but…it’s just a front. dote on her and shower her with the same affections she showered you with, treat her like a little doll and watch her crumble underneath your fingertips from the smallest of praises.

— “such a sweet girl, staying open for me.” / “could watch you do that all day.” / “nobody touches me the way you do.”

#neteyam x reader #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam x reader smut #neteyam sully x reader smut #lo’ak x reader #lo’ak sully x reader #lo’ak sully x reader smut #lo’ak x reader smut #kiri x reader #kiri sully x reader #avatar x reader smut #avatar x reader #avatar the way of water smut #avatar the way of water #atwow x reader

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transmutationisms · 8 months ago

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i would love to hear more about your criticisms of the BITE model! for me it always feels.. unfalsifiable? it seems to do poorly at distinguishing a cult from any other community, if you squint at the definitions

yeah so first of all i'm not particularly keen on even trying to defend the category of "cult" in general. obviously abuse and control methods can and do happen in groups, but i don't think it's particularly useful to talk about this like there's a strict dichotomy between evil malicious groups and all the others. and i think generally, when people do try to sort groups into strict categories like that, what you actually see is that the differentiating factor is less to do with the degree of control exerted by the group and more to do with how much the person doing the sorting is bothered by the group's ideology or doctrinal commitments lol. like, this is sort of baby's first cult concept critique but yknow, a group setting where you're being extremely openly financially controlled is your job and yet most workplaces, however abusive and surveilled and controlling, are not typically designated a 'cult' unless they're also peddling some kind of heterodox religious or medical claims or something.

anyway in regards to BITE in particular, yeah i think it does a really poor job of distinguishing between a 'normal' level of social pressure to say/do certain things, and the kind of control that ostensibly characterises a cult. for example steven hassan has called both MAGA and online trans communities cults, and a lot of this comes down to his persistent and pretty open belief in the power of 'mind control' and hypnosis as mechanisms of cult control. ofc any group of any political persuasion could engage in abuse and high-control of its members! usually this occurs by financial means, social isolation, etc. but hassan's BITE model isn't really good at identifying these kinds of material factors despite paying lip service to them, because it's more motivated by his desire to root out these kinds of shadowy quasi-occult forces of mental reprogramming that he fears.

i just find the whole model to be pretty silly and used mostly as a way of justifying dislike of lots of different social, religious, and political groups---some of which are genuinely mistreating members, some of which are just saying things their critics disagree with---because it's perceived as a reliable social-scientific designation and therefore name-dropping it helps the speaker feel that they're making some kind of objective scientific observation rather than a judgment dependent, as are all judgments, upon their own perspective and values. i think instead of this kind of haggling over Which Groups Count As An Evild Shadowy Cult it would be infinitely more productive and helpful to vulnerable people to talk about how high-control groups operate, what sorts of methods specific groups are using to control and abuse their members, and what sorts of resources those members are dependent on the groups for and need access to from other sources: financial and material provisions, social support networks, etc.

#steven hassan

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kindnessoverperfection · 1 year ago

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I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.

A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".

This will be kind of long, so bear with me.

Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.

There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)

Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.

Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.

So, three main things happen.

There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD

The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)

People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.

(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)

(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")

Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support

While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"

Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.

So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.

People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.

Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.

Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.

Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.

"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??

Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.

There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.

Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.

#actuallynpd #npd stigma #narcissistic personality disorder

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rebo-chan · 4 months ago

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Hello, everyone. To today's episode of Tumblr user Rebo-chan loses her mind and assigns each and every Vongola guardian a flower that I have painstakingly searched high and low for (I wish I was being dramatic, I got too invested in this as I worked on it). Is this done in a state of mania? Perhaps, but I am diseased by COVID-19 as we speak and this is what I will do with the time I am meant to be resting with. Nonetheless we must get started. Content under the cut, because I can NEVER make a short post. It's against my core beliefs clearly.

Sawada Tsunayoshi:

The European Orange Lily (Lilium bulbiferum)

My reasoning for this starts with the fact that the "lily" itself has a lot of different meanings, but the important aspect of the lily is that its considered the spring flower and represents often meanings of renewal and rebirth. The very messaging for our sweet boy, a life restarted after he meets his mentor. An orange lily specifically has meanings dipped into warmth, joy, passion (In regards to his devotion to those he loves), 'welcoming' to new opportunities in your life (lol), and most importantly - confidence and pride. Something that he grows to be over the course of his renewal, pride in his friends. Confidence in his strength to protect them. KHR is a story about a nobody becoming somebody strong enough to protect them, even and especially when they falter themselves. It should also be noted that in Hanakotoba (Japanese flower language), orange lilies represent 'revenge and hatred'. Which I think is a factor of Tsuna we can't ignore, as sweet as he is, TYL Tsuna's actions become darker the more you think about them. Tsuna can and has killed when a villain has overstepped too far, and never forget that he just wanted to know "who" Yamamoto's attacker was. For no reason, just to look at him, maybe shake his hand lol. Fr though, that boy's made of fire, both to keep his loved ones warm and to burn their enemies. I think the orange lily fits him nicely.

Also yes, I'll do my best to color-code these flowers~

Gokudera Hayato:

A Red Fressia

So, its quite hard actually to find any sort of 'red' flowers that aren't about some sort of romantic-esque devotion. Just being a red flower inherently puts you in that category of 'passion, love, marriage' meanings when it comes to flowers. It's a real struggle, but luckily he's our only red character amongst the Vongola kids. Okay, so the Freesia is represented by the concept of friendship and ultimate trust. I think it was easier for me to find a flower that represents devotion or duty and tack it on to Gokudera, but I think that's just looking at him on the surface. The story behind the freesia is that the botanist who found them in South Africa decided to name it after his friend as a symbol of their friendship. Very lovely :)<3 For all of Gokudera's dutiful affection for Tsuna, a lot of it is based on the fact that Tsuna was his first friend and the person who he trusted first. His eventual character growth and bonding with the other guardians came as he allowed himself to trust them, when he realized that his 'duty' that he believed to be absolute was above his bonds. Rather, it's his bonds that strengthen his resolve to be the perfect right hand man. Due to the intense representation of friendship and trust, freesias are given to a loved one to represent commitment to them, not unlike Gokudera's commitment to Tsuna and therefore the Vongola family unit. It should also be noted that in Hanakotoba, freesias also have a negative meaning which is childishness and immaturity which I do feel is something that Gokudera has to work through in order to become the best version of himself and has done quite well at by the end of the series. He's our little friendship blossom :)<3 Yamamoto Takeshi: Himalayan Blue Poppy

Let me start this by complaining that 'blue' flowers are so fucking rare, it took me forever to find something matched and was also color-coded with Yamamoto, that didn't dip into too indigo, because of the rarity of a nicely blue flower. To start, blue as a color has all those lovely Yamamoto vibes of being calming, easy on the mind, tranquility, all that beautiful stuff we know Yamamoto to be. (It's almost like Amano color-coded her characters guys..) Poppies themselves got a bit of cultural significance in the West, being the flowers given to WW1 soldiers after they'd passed as a way of remembrance. They're also known for growing in desolate war-torn areas, just a patch of poppies as well as having many soldiers buried with a poppy with them in honor. With that the poppy itself has themes of death, honor, lessons, tradition and remembrance. With Yamamoto’s connection to the Poppy flower, Yamamoto himself is..pretty death-coded. HEAR ME OUT. HEAR !! ME OUT!!!! Varia arc, Squalo ‘dies’ against Yamamoto. Future arc, Tsuyoshi is killed for Yamamoto being involved with the Vongola, Shimon with Yamamoto himself getting nearly killed and then that big moment where he offers to kill Daemon in retaliation for what was done to Kaoru. While not canon as well, the primo fillers are about Yamamoto dealing with the fact he DIDNT kill daisy and how he felt he had to be less easy-natured and actually go for the kills from now on. And of course, his attempt during daily life when he could not do what he loved anymore. He’s VERY death-coded y’all. But the poppy itself isn’t just some omen of death, but the lessons one can gather from those who have passed. Yamamoto’s own battle style is about taking the lessons of those before him who carried Shigure Soen Ryu and then growing upon that to carve a new and improved future for himself and those he cares about. He adapts to their lessons, what Squalo and Tsuyoshi have to teach him. On the fly, continuing the Shigure legacy and creating more moves to eventually pass on to the one that succeeds him. In general, he carries any lessons he has up until the end of the series and tries to never make the same mistake again. Whether that’s his lessons against the Mists he’s battled, his loss against Squalo for not having a proper sword style, and though he doesn’t get a chance against Gamma again, he’s always understood the importance of teamwork. That being said, he’s not just a poppy. He’s a Himalayan Blue Poppy. You see the himalayan blue poppy has a different meaning outside that of the ones that the other poppies do. With its rarity, it also represents success, potential, pursuit of dreams, and possibility. Yamamoto is the Vongola family’s prodigy, a natural born hitman, the star baseball player on his team. Stuck at a crossroads between his dream and being able to be in a position to protect the ones he loves. An impossibly difficult choice to make, yet Yamamoto handles it with ease. He just won’t choose! He’ll do both! Which fights very nicely with the Hanakatoba meaning of the poppy. “Fun-loving” “A reminder to remember happiness.” Along with general blue color meanings of tranquility, that is Yamamoto to his core, I believe. When things get their worst, he is there to remind everyone that it is never as bad as it feels. To wash away the blood spilled, that is the role of the Vongola Rain Guardian. His crossroad isn’t an issue to him, because that’s not what he fights for! He fights to make things easier for everyone, so they may remember happiness. That sort of thing doesn’t exactly need him to make a choice on his path. Now, does it? If he’s forced to choose, he will just carve out new possibilities for himself and the ones that he loves with the lessons he’s learnt.

Lambo Bovino: Green Envy Zinnia

Contrary to the title, the green envy zinnia has nothing to do with envy. Quite the opposite, actually. The zinnia itself represents endurance (HEAR. ME. OUT LOL), lasting affection, joy, and various other things. So, the zinnia is super fucking tough, again hear me OUTTTT. They bloom all the way from springtime to autumn, something pretty unheard of from flowers which gave them their meaning. A green envy Zinnia specifically represents growth or a journey. Wishes of a healthy and successful growth. And I believe that is the hope for Lambo, as he progresses through the series. He is quite literally a child, both himself and TYL. But that’s just the thing for him, to the one that chose the guardians (Iemitsu, it’s very implied that it was Iemitsu), Lambo is an INVESTMENT. And a correct one if twenty years old Lambo was anything to go by. Not only that, the zinnia represents a joyous endurance. This doesn’t have to be painful for him, and it’s not as he’s allowed to both be a kid in Tsuna’s care while also holding on tight when told to stay out of the fight. (“You have to take the younger me wherever you go, he wants to go with you.”). And as a bit of an angsty little hehe on my part, the zinnia also represents missing those who have passed, that you remember someone and love them even now that they’re not with you. (“Seeing you all again, I thought the day would never happen. It’s making me emotional.”) Honestly, judging by how Lambo fights when he gets the opportunity to properly do it, he just isn’t weak. Destroying Kikyo’s box animal, fighting against Ooyama, and of course against Levi too. In Hanakotoba, the Zinnia represents loyalty. He is their youngest blossom, enjoying being around the one he considers a brother with hidden potentials to grow into someone with the ability to be Vongola’s shield. If the ones he loves ever make it to see that sight, of course.

Ryohei Sasagawa: Yarrow (Achillea millefolium)

Okay, so the yarrow is first of all a funky flower. If you’ve never seen OTHER colors of the yarrow flower, I implore you to google it. Especially the red ones? Why are you so pretty? Lucky enough for this flower (and me I’m starting to lose my mind here, this was a much bigger task than I thought it would be) the different colors don’t change the meaning of the flower here which is neat. It also unfortunately has no hanakotoba meaning either. So, anyway. The yarrow. It represents a warrior’s bravery, protection, and healing. The healing comes from the fact that its a commonly used herb for bruises, cuts, and sprains. There’s also huge folklore around it which affects its scientific name, as Achilles used yarrow to take care of the men he was in charge of. This flower was also used as a ward against evil, where people would hang this outside of their homes in order to protect them from evil getting inside. A superstition developed around this leading to Yarrow to be named the devil’s nettle to refer to the belief that the devil would come around and shake the yarrow that people hung up due to wanting to curse them. This flower also represents strong everlasting love, to the point where a little tradition propped up where people would shove this flower up their nostrils whenever they had a nosebleed so if they dreamt about their crush it meant that they liked them back lol. Yall there was so much rich lore on this flower, it’s super neat. More than I could fit in here. Anyway, I’m sure yall see the connection with Ryohei acting as the group older brother, being the motivating factor for them. He was the first to go up during Varia arc and set the tone for the rest of the battles, that the Vongola would win. Last to show up during future, representing that all of them had finally been reunited. A draw against Aoba, again the very first battle, almost symbolizing HOW shimon would end. He’s the strength in their arms, acting as the last person to leave in future arc until they were ready to go. Taught them and helped lead them to make decisions during that arc. It’s almost his duty to protect the younger ones, even getting up on Hibari’s case in the fillers for not helping out his younger classmen. We can’t even dismiss the way he would prefer to shield Kyoko from everything that they go through, and getting aggressive with Tsuna when Tsuna broke something he thought both of them saw eye to eye on. Not much rattles him, honestly if you pay attention to his scenes, only getting the most nervous and agitated TRULY when he fears he won’t be able to protect someone (Asking Tsuna how Kyoko reacted to the news, Tozaru getting on his case about Lambo coming to the battle) Otherwise, he’s his happy loud confident self ready to tackle on anything for the sake of the family. Destroying the misfortune that attacks the family with their own body, the yarrow represents that duty well. For every bruise the younger one gets, Ryohei has the ability to heal it. For every fear, Ryohei tackles it first. Acting as a ward and protector for his family. Hibari Kyoya

Clematis (Etoile Violette)

Clematis is a climbing flower, to start with. One of those flowers that grow along walls and vines. It’s a very adaptable flower, able to work with various environments and thrive amongst them. They’re known as the traveler’s joy, meant to wish travelers good luck and act as protection to those who pass by them. While also having a more negative reputation, having “killed” other plants by outcompeting them considered having done the devil’s work. (The plant is actually considered invasive aha oops) The clematis though, itself represents mental fortitude, cleverness, and the ability to find hope in perilous situations. Hibari himself, I mean just that back and forth reputation is just him, no? Acting as Namimori’s protector, keeping a watchful eye on the town while also being utterly terrifying for Namimori students and almost overwhelming to those competing with him. (Dino will only find escape from Hibari in death, Mukuro is the same) But, he is also undoubtedly Vongola’s wall. Similar to Ryohei, not once throughout the series really and truly faltering. The clematis itself with its representation in mental fortitude can be given to someone when they need mental strength. I think the best way to represent this is directing you to that moment in Shimon arc when Tsuna, while not physical beaten, had been mentally tormented by everything that had happened and Hibari came to his battle to Adel. A simple, but strong “Little animal, your face right now is dull. Watch my fight.” It’s in that fight Tsuna gets his mental strength back, being given a hint to answer the question he’s been stressing and faltering over. Then there’s future arc, having been the only one TYL Tsuna trusted with the plan. Kokuyo Arc, Gokudera seeing an already defeated Hibari and taking him to the battle. Varia arc, the gang realizing that if Hibari is fighting next then they may have already won it and refusing to succumb to the poison in the sky battle. Rainbow arc, Tsuna considering them in that list of people he “just expects to help him.” He has the ability to be their hope, to be another factor of their strength. Where Ryohei is holding them up on the physical aspect, Hibari is absolutely their mental strength. (Isn’t it charming that the two eldest are the pillars of their group? I think it is). Also, in Hanakotoba, the clematis represents moral beauty and order. And that’s just the kinda man who could run something like the discipline committee, isn’t? The special thing, finally is that the etoile violette represents a sense of freedom from troubles. A free man, unchained himself and choosing to help those younger than him. Sometimes for the thrill of a battle, sometimes to actually help them with the reputation of a devil. Unpredictable, but still trusted. It’s the sky that allows the clouds to roam freely, but even someday that sky will be beaten to death.

Chrome Dokuro

Lupine (Blue Bonnet)

The Lupine flower is before anything else, a second chance at life. A recovery from one’s trauma and the admiration that comes from that. Its gratitude and kindness put into one. There’s a legend around the lupine flower about a land full of drought where Native Americans had believed would be saved by selflessness and yet no one had come forward to do anything, until a young girl came forward and offered the last of her possessions. The rain came to fall at her sacrifice, and hundreds of lupines had blossomed from the ground saving the tribe from drought and hunger as the seeds of the Lupine could be harvested to be eaten. The Lupine represents that the world will always give back if you are willing to help. Chrome, from her introduction, is told to be a girl who has nothing. With two parents who want nothing to do with her and no friends by her side. She runs forward to save a kitten and is gravely injured. With neither of her parents willing to help her, Chrome wonders if she is going to die here but is offered a deal by Mukuro. It’s here that Chrome is offered her second chance and she spends the whole series trying to return the favor to Mukuro. All while healing from her own trauma, the type of trauma that “no one could care about her”, as she is offered food and bonds from Tsuna, Kyoko, Haru, I-pin, Bianchi, Hibari, and so many others. It's in her second chance that she gets to experience what life truly had to offer her, as thank you for her continued selflessness. It’s that gratitude that she represents and the never-ending desire to give when she doesn’t accept Mukuro’s assistance anymore with her organs because she can no longer give him anything now that he’s out of Vindice Prison. She resolves that she will become someone who can protect the people she and Mukuro like. Her confidence isn’t perfect and she falters quite a bit, not believing that her powers are as great as those around her. But, that’s okay, because her goodness has brought her to people who have got her back until she can figure herself out. She has Mammon to correct her when her illusions are seen through that they are well made, but she’s just dealing with professionals and that’s why they’re seen through. There’s Tsuna who relies on her blindly, never doubting her strength to protect them as he asks her to act as defense during Shimon arc and protect Enma from his attack. Alongside with Fran, she is trusted to protect Yamamoto and Gokudera in the final battle against Vindice and taken with Tsuna against Jaegar. She has a lot of space to continue growing, but Lupin also represents voracity and happiness in Hanakotoba. She has her second chance to learn all about that, or as Mukuro put it to her, “An ending is merely the beginning of another cycle.”

Rokudo Mukuro

Aconitum (Wolfsbane)

Wolfsbane is also referred to as Monkshood. This is another one with pretty rich lore with its connection to werewolves. It’s referred to as “queens of the poisons” and has a pretty negative message to it on the outside. First of all, this thing’s poison? TOUGH AS HELL. Delirium, frothing at the mouth, vision impairment, and of course the classic coma<3 It’s got an uncanny resemblance to what rabies actually looks like. Fun, right? Okay, fr though onto its meaning. Wolfsbane is an omen that danger is nearby, not unlike the unnerving feeling Tsuna gets whenever he senses Mukuro nearby. Said to have come from Hell itself, the saliva that has dripped down from Cerberus himself. Not unlike our sweet boy. But, being an omen does not always represent something bad. Is he bringing the danger to you, or is he warning you of the true danger that lies past him? It’s a little bit of both. Aconitum represents concealed wisdom and caution in decision-making. But it also DOES represent protection, a proper and true warning of the dangers of the wild. That beauty does not always mean safe. For his twisted sense of vengeance and believing that taking over the world is the only way to destroy it for the sake of what was done to him, he isn’t necessarily wrong for being enraged about what happened to him. Yet, despite his hate, he doesn’t drag those who he cares about further down into it than he has to. He sends Ken and Chikusa away when they are going to get caught, he never uses Chrome for anything besides as a vessel to help her, and he says during Rainbow arc that if he forced Fran to continue past his limits he’d be no better than those nasty adults of his past. Aconitum balances sweetly between light and darkness, similar to Mukuro. He won’t admit it, but he cares for those amongst the Vongola. He infiltrates the Millefiore and sends the Vongola information after Tsuna’s death, he helps Chrome form a barrier around Enma so he could be safe from Tsuna’s X-Burner. And, of course he teams up with Vongola’s team during the rainbow arc. These are undoubtedly kind actions, but when Tsuna gets angry at Mukuro during Rainbow claiming that he didn’t believe that Mukuro was the type to abandon his allies, Mukuro says that that was just his idea of him. Even though it was Chrome ultimately rejecting him, he instead pretended that he really was some big bad heartless person. Definitely, Mukuro is no angel, but also he’s no demon either. He’s.. just a human at the end. The aconitum’s dance with both light and dark, a flower that tries to warn, can be read both good and bad depending on how you look at it. His rejection of his ‘official’ position as part of the Mafia, yet acting as the Vongola Mist Guardian when their goals align. He’s as confusing as the duty he embodies, but he succeeds nonetheless in ensuring the family is untouchable in his deceptions. After all, the best way to fool your enemies is to fool your allies first.

#LET ME JUST SAY #When i first got this idea #I wanted to do all the vongola kid honorable mentions #Kyoko haru and the like #But I quickly realized that would have been insane #so for now heres the Vongola guardians!#It should be noted I can't represent these complex characters 100% accurately with just one flower #I'd need to make bouquets for them to do that #But I did my best!#So here's some character analysis #using flower language!#Or... is this my facade?#Using character analysis to infodump to you guys about flowers...it was a perfect excuse #I hope you guys enjoyed and I am so fucking sorry for long it is again god #I hope you guys enjoy this #lemme know your thoughts #if you agree or disagree #eakngjeh okay as for the real tags #katekyo hitman reborn #khr #sawada tsunayoshi #vongola #gokudera hayato #yamamoto takeshi #lambo bovino #chrome dokuro #hibari kyoya #rokudo mukuro #Ryohei sasagawa

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alpaca-clouds · 4 months ago

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Solarpunk Storytelling - And People Who Have Never Read A Book (apparently)

And once more I am back at the topic that maybe annoyes me the most of all when it comes to "white people having bad opinions about solarpunk". (And yes, let's face it, most of the people are white.)

And that is people that argue like this:

"Uhm, actually, how are we supposed to bring in a conflict if it is not about the utopian solarpunk world hiding a dark secret?!"

To which I will always have to assume that these people are not in fact familiar with the concept of books, movies, series, or stories in general, and have not consciously ever consumed a story at all. Because otherwise I cannot fathom how one could come to this conclusion.

Because here is the thing: Most stories out there have a conflict that does not involve a government having a dark secret.

Unbelievable, right?

Escuse my sarcasm in this, but I really just find this argument so silly. I mean, Lord of the Rings most certainly does not draw its conflict out of any government hiding a dark secret. Nor does any of the Sherlock Holmes stories. Titanic is a very popular movie not building around the concept of a dark government secret. And... Ugh, I don't know. Forrest Gump and Fight Club are two very popular movies, that I don't like, but in fact do not work around a dark government secret as a conflict. Nor do my favorite Fantasy books: The Magic Castle trilogy (that includes Howl's Moving Castle) and The Witcher series.

You will find there are a ton of stories out there not focused on a dark government conspiracy. In fact those conspiracies tend to be a feature of only certain subsections of genre fiction: thrillers and dystopian fiction. And obviously especially dystopian thrillers. Which is why it is so common in the original punkpunk genre Cyberpunk: Most Cyberpunk stories are dystopian thrillers.

But Solarpunk is not Cyberpunk. And you can tell a lot of different stories that do not feature those kinds of conspiracies.

What those people do not really seem to grasp is that at the very core fantasy, science fiction, and all the punkpunk genre actually do not quite describe the sort of story you tell, but just the setting. Think about it: High Fantasy does not say anything about what kind of story you can expect. Sure, a lot of High Fantasy is either a war story, or an adventure story, but I have read high fantasy thrillers before, just as I have read one really cool indie mystery story that was high fantasy. Same with Urban Fantasy. Are most Urban Fantasy novels some sort of detective novel often with a strong romantic/erotic subplot? Sure. But I have read Urban Fantasy horror, pure Urban Fantasy romance, and Urban Fantasy adventure stories. (In fact I wrote an Urban Fantasy pirate adventure myself.)

Same with the other punkpunk genres. Yes, most Cyberpunk is in fact some sort of dystopian thriller. Some are more action heavy, others are more mystery heavy. But I have seen Cyberpunk erotica, Cyberpunk adventure, and Cyberpunk drama novels. Sure, they always tend to have dystopian subtext, because Cyberpunk worlds are dystopian - but... It is not the central theme in those stories.

Steampunk is maybe even stronger in this. Because I have seen I think any genre in Steampunk before. Romance, adventure, mystery, action thriller... I have seen it all. And I do not even like Steampunk particularly!

So, I really have to wonder: Why in the world can those people think of telling only one type of story with the Solarpunk-setting? And why is it the kind of story that is literally the polar opposite of Solarpunk as a setting-idea?

Because I can guarantee you: Every single genre is very much still possible even within an utopian Solarpunk setting, where the utopia is not a sort of conspiracy hiding a darker secret.

Mystery? Well, even in an utopian world people will go missing. Even in an utopian world, someone will commit murder. The world being utopian will not just fix humanity from its darkest instincts.

Romance? Duh, people will still fall in love in an utopian world. And people will still be complicated about it.

Adventure? Within a Solarpunk world there will still be people looking for lost treasure. Hell, there will probably still be some asshole private collectors who want it for themselves. Or you can even do it fitting with the theme: Instead of a lost treasure people are having an adventure looking for a supposedly extinct species!

Action? You do not need a government conspiracy for someone to come up with guns and do bad things with it, forcing good guys with guns to stop them and have cool fights while doing so!

Thriller? Again, it does not need to be a government conspiracy for that to happen. (Heck, I might write a different blog about that tomorrow.)

Horror? You can have both serial killers/slashers in a Solarpunk world, abusive people for psychological horror, and ghosts/demons if you wanna go supernatural. Literally neither of those care much about the setting they are in.

So, yeah. Really. If you think you cannot write an interesting story within a Solarpunk novel that does not involve the government hiding something and the world being build on a lie, that is very much a skill issue. Or to put it different: Maybe writing is not for you.

#solarpunk #lunarpunk #cyberpunk #steampunk #fantasy #science fiction #writing #story telling #novel writing #short stories #conflict in stories #writing advice #skill issue

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drbased · 4 months ago

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I wholeheartedly believe that the rise of andrew tate is a direct response to metoo. There's always been edgy misogynist male figures that men have gravitated towards, but andrew tate was the first one for whom there wasn't a veneer of jokey irony. and the thing about metoo is society really did not fucking know how to handle it. any feminist worth her salt would not be surprised at the obvious pattern, but for the first time in all of recorded history we had that pattern laid bare for the world to see. if famous and powerful men and women were committing sexual assault at the same rates, then I don't think we'd have seen such a backlash. literally no male figure was 'safe' - the edgy ones, the nice ones, the strongly political ones, the toughguy ones, the hot ones, the 'wife guy' ones, the forgettable ones, the accessible average ones. one from every category has been found committing some sort of assault, and it's jaded our entire populace. society did not fucking know how to handle it. and now, we have an entire generation of boys raised in a society already full of misogyny but no veneer of 'only the other type of man is the Bad Guy, not me - he's the one who's the wrong type of masculine'. leftists themselves didn't even know how to handle it, really - they've tried to talk about 'toxic masculinity' and 'no positive male role models' and 'men in power' but there's this stink all over it - like the stink of a cheap air freshener trying to cover up decades of bad air. it's literally impossible to engage with metoo without directly engaging with feminist theory, just as it's impossible to engage with blm without directly engaging with white supremacy. these social issues once considered niche have become mainstream and forced the normie populace to engage with ideas well beyond their comfort zone, forcing apolitical people to take a stand. most people have tried to take some sort of neutral stance by vaguely gesturing to 'the patriarchy' as some nebulous force that hurts men as much as it does women, but there's an increasingly large subset of men for whom engaging with even the most casual of media now has to involve being reminded of feminism - for a lot of us, there's kind of no escapism anymore. I've seen comments like 'enjoying a song and hoping the singer isn't caught with child porn' which very much echo my experience when engaging with any media made by... oh shit, it's really is mainly men, isn't it?

I'm a millenial, pretty squarely a millenial, and my generation of teenage boys were obsessed with edgy humour - eminem, dead baby jokes, rape jokes, family guy, south park. but that era is dead - if there's irony now it's a knowing irony. and that's what metoo did. teenage boys have always wanted to play in the dirt of society, they've always wanted to engage with the shittiest of what society has to offer. as they come of age they learn that society is their stomping ground, morality their playground. if rape of women is no big deal, then why care about the rest of morality? it's all just one big joke. and once, that joke used to carry with it a sincerely held belief that it was all just a joke - that is, inconsequential. but now we all know that this is shit isn't all theoretical - we've all heard the term rape culture, and the harmful effects of the n word. so if the joke has to continue, then it has to be on new terms. there has to be no irony anymore. if theoretical rape is funny, and rape of women is real, then real rape has to be funny. if rape isn't allowed to be funny, then rape has to be righteous.

andrew tate's popularity is an active 'fuck you' to society. it says that if men can't hide behind a veneer of respectability, blame rape on 'the other guy' and there aren't any nice guys, then fuck it, there aren't any nice guys. the idea of the 'white knight' has been popular in the manosphere for some time - the concept of a man only being kind to a woman because he's trying to sleep with her is something mras despise not because of the dishonesty to her but because of the dishonesty to other men. they value men being honest to each other in their hatred of women. and andrew tate is the embodiment of that mentality in the mainstream. men didn't mind the concept of popular powerful men being dishonest about their hatred of women because it was a useful societal buffer. perhaps you might even believe that these men liked the 'unproblematic' famous guys precisely because thinking about evil stuff all the time can make you feel a bit bad sometimes; a lot of the cool meme guys have an image that's nothing to do with women or sex. but if even those guys can't be divorced from misogyny and rape, then fuck it, we're not gonna pretend to care anymore. the veneer of male respectability was always for the sake of men. if women aren't gonna let us hide, then we're not going to hide.

#theory posting #my writing

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prettyboykatsuki · 7 months ago

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how do you reconcile with writing smut about characters who are canonically minors? i’m not trying to attack you or try to change your mind or anything, so sorry if my question reads that way. i’m just genuinely curious 😭

no worries!! this is asked respectfully so i dont mind answering even tho i usually just delete stuff abt this now

idk really know how to answer your question i have not reiterated many times. but like. i want you to really consider your own way of asking this to me critically. like what would i have to "reconcile" with exactly? them being minors in canon?

for me personally there's nothing to reconcile with. i feel no guilt or shame or remorse about aging up characters. or just like wanting to fuck them. or really anything i write in fiction at all, point blank - should i choose to explore it. like there's not crime i've committed other than being horny about some shit i made up, upon the basis some shit another guy made up.

partially this is bc characters in fictions are concepts. they're objects, thoughts, ideas. no matter how brainrotted i am about them, they don't live in material reality. im not harming them because they don't exist. outside of my phone and computer they are not real. harrowing myself with guilt over something that does not even exist is kind of insane. this applies to everything.

you can feel personal discomfort over aging up for yourself, but the reality is no actual minors are harmed in the process of me writing porn about anime characters. bakugou is lines on paper. i am allowed to cut him out like a barbie doll and play with him however i like. he doesn't get a say in that because he is fake lol.

there's like idk. all sorts of nuance to this and if you are respectfully curious im happy to talk to you about it. but they're just not real. no one is hurt in me writing this. so it doesn't matter to me at all. i would never hurt another person because of what im interested in fictionally, either. i have spent too many years becoming a decent human being to wonder about that

nothing i do in the fictional space is of any relevance to who i am, except for what things might cause genuine harm to another living breathing person. i write a lot of dark content in my smut also but

a lot of my content also while being dark, does not specifically deal with sensitive social issues so no one is hurt in that way either. i have enough confidence in my critical understanding of the world to write what i do understand to my ability. i mostly write about noncon and dubcon and yandere, all of which are personal violations and not social ones (OVERSIMPLIFYING THERE A LOT). i sometimes do write about social taboos of course but not whats outside of my ability

all in all its like. i dont know what i'd feel guilty over. no one is hurt and i have no intent to harm. nothing matters outside of that

#return to sender

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yanderes-galore · 1 year ago

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Romantic Yan! Mauga x gn!reader concept

I'D LOVE TO. He comes out on my birthday so this is a bit special for me/hj. Hope you enjoy my take on him! Here's me pouring general thoughts down ^^ (Love you for your Overwatch requests, istg).

If it sounds like I'm self-indulgent, I probably am, my bad.

Yandere! Mauga Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Abuse of power, Kidnapping, Murder/Death, Threats, Intimidation, Violence, Possessive, Restraints, Dehumanization mentioned, Sadism, Forced relationship.

I feel like there's a lot of scary things about Mauga.

First of all, he's huge.

He's been augmented from a near death experience to be huge and powerful.

His name even means "mountain".

Then there's the fact he takes joy in doing what he does... literal murder for Talon.

He even is oddly chipper/chill with his language.

Even when threatening others he sounds so... excited? Friendly?

He seems so nice to be around... but he's still a murderer.

He'd act the same with you.

Mauga calls everyone "friend".

If he met you he'd immediately be overly friendly.

He'd call you friendly terms, like "friend", "buddy", and "pal".

But if he felt flirty he'd probably call you by some sort of nickname.

I'm not sure what he'd call you exactly but maybe "Teuila"? It's the national flower of Samoa (from what I saw)

He could also call you the classic nicknames such as "babe", "baby", "dear", "doll", etc.

It's just "Teuila" seems more unique to him.

Mauga is another one who likes the size difference between you.

It serves as a good way to intimidate you and he likes it.

Mauga is a sadistic sociopath who doesn't appear affected by the crimes he commits.

In fact he depicts himself as "carefree".

Mauga could be the type to slaughter innocents then look at you with a big grin.

He doesn't mind if you fear him.

He'd part of Talon... he loves the fear.

He knows he's a bad person and doesn't mind.

His apathy towards the life of others is what makes him terrifying.

He only really cares about you, his little Teuila.

If I'm correct, Mauga canonically has sharp teeth.

Which means he would certainly bite you.

He may also like to hold/manhandle you a bit.

He likes the power and size he has over you.

Oh, fighting him a bit?

How do you like being pinned to a wall?

In his obsession he is naturally rough.

Mauga likes to have everyone know you're his.

No one should touch you unless they want a Talon agent breathing down their neck.

You could be a civilian or a fellow member of Talon.

Doesn't matter to him.

He plans to keep you all the same.

Would take you to bars when he could find them.

He sees it as a way to bond, probably.

Mauga could isolate you, yet showing you off can be quite exciting.

A silent challenge for others to take what's his... so he can have an excuse to break their bones, most likely.

He isn't one for "messing with your mind" manipulation.

More like... brute force.

He doesn't want to intentionally hurt you.

It's mostly just enough to show his mark on you, not to break anything.

He knows you're fragile.

If you tried to escape this mountain of a man... good luck.

He found Baptiste with ease when he left Talon.

He can find you.

He'll hunt you down and pick you from wherever you plan on staying.

He deserves to have you in his eyes.

You may cry or scream, but any hit against hist chest just makes him chuckle.

Your hits tickle him... he finds it adorable.

His "Cage Fight" ability implies chains.

This is just being clever, but imagine as punishment he chains you to him?

Now you can't run... he'll just drag you.

If anything you begin to look like a pet to members of Talon.

But they allow it.

They don't need Mauga becoming a problem.

Obviously he is quite possessive.

Loves your touch, your warmth, in a weird way your smell.

He may mark you but tries to treat you as delicately as a flower.

Like the nickname he affectionately calls you....

Mauga doesn't care if you miss your family when he drags you back to him.

He feels things would be better if you forget them.

He may end up doing something bad if you don't... wouldn't want that now, would we?

Overall, Mauga is a powerful and possessive man.

He is unfazed by what he does to obtain you... even when it includes others losing their lives for helping you leave him.

Mauga loves the challenge... even finds it exciting.

#yandere overwatch #yandere mauga #yandere overwatch mauga #yandere mauga malosi #yandere maugaloa malosi

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ot3 · 9 months ago

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I mean this in entirely good faith, I promise, but I'd love to hear the "shortcomings" you think those shows have

she ra i mostly just found boring i don't think i could point to a single thing it did (out of what i watched, that is. i didn't finish the show) that i found to be an objectionable writing choice, but it just didn't do anything to keep my interest. which is a shame because i went into it REALLY excited!!! i had long been a fan of nimona so hearing that ND stevenson was getting the chance to make a cartoon i was SO prepared to be all over it. and i watched it and it all just fell pretty flat for me

steven universe and the owl house i feel like are shows with some pretty major structural issues. i really think they try to have their cake and eat it in terms of episodic moments vs overarching series narratives that are kind of at odds with each other.

with steven universe i feel like this manifested in some pretty bizarre tonal whiplash that prevented either of the shows angles from sticking its landing. i think if steven universe had either been an epic space opera about a kid inheriting his mother's war, it would have fucking banged. i think if steven universe had been a more slice-of-life oriented show about a boy coming of age by realizing he's sort of the living manifestation of the war trauma of the people around him and learning to navigate and help people heal from that through fantastical, alien super-powered twists on mundane life that would have banged in a completely different way. but as it stands i think trying to do both at the same time detracted from the overall experience.

it feels weird to have them fucking around at the barn when there is something that is going to literally hatch from the earth's crust like an egg and destroy the entire planet and theyre just ignoring it. it feels weird in a different way to have them visit an alien zoo full of human beings and know that the structure of the show means we will absolutely not be taking the time to fully unpack that one. for me this cognitive dissonance really reached its peak an episode where steven explicitly calls his mother a war criminal, but that was a throwaway line because the A plot was that lars, the guy who works at the donut shop, bakes as a hobby and is embarrassed by that. to be perfectly clear i don't think it's impossible to balance more mundane slice of life moments with big adventures to combat existential threats. but whatever that balance looks like is not what steven universe was doing

the owl house on the other hand i don't feel like was ever really willing to commit to a particular vibe long enough to get invested in it. it's trying to be a show about a girl who is a witch's apprentice, but that doesn't really feel quite fully realized because it's also trying to be a show about a Magic School, but we don't spend enough time at the Magic School to get invested in that setting as a framework for the character interactions and narrative events, but then it also starts trying to be this big adventure/questing show. and then before too long luz is the one teaching magic to everyone else? it refuses to really commit to any one thing it's trying and just kind of throws everything at you with out actually getting to spend time with its concepts

in general i also think luz was a weak protagonist. in terms of writing. i think she wasnt given enough meaningful flaws, didn't make enough mistakes, and didn't really have to learn any hard lessons or make decisions that fundamentally went against who she thought she was. her whole thing is basically being Nerdy and Kinda Weird which i think is kind of an outdated substitute for meaningful character writing in the current zeitgeist. im sure she is an absolutely fantastic power fantasy for a lot of 12 year old girls who consider reading books to be their main personality trait and i absolutely do not fault that for existing. i think that's a critical thing to exist and all those 12 year olds really deserve it. but it has no appeal to me as an adult woman who has grown out of that phase, yknow?

i feel like once again the comparison to akko from little witch academia invites itself very easily, and anne from amphibia too, which was also a disney teen girl isekai airing at the same time. i loved both of those two as protags a ton and i think its because they really fumbled repeatedly and went through the wringer in a way luz didn't

#long post

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gnomishcunning · 8 months ago

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Re: requests, literally any nsfw for Zevlor? I love one (1) sad old tiefling

i, too, love one sad ole' tiefling. he and karlach own my wholeass heart. some of my own headcanons/portrayals of him snuck into these, hope ya don't mind.

(please send me more asks about zevlor i love him so much)

nsfw below the cut! MDNI

in general-

zevlor's a hopeless romantic in the truest of sense. his entire life has been about devotion - he joined a group of soldiers that you can't quite, he's a paladin who lived by his oath for decades, and he followed the literal god of guardians. he believes in devotion, and that undoubtedly leaked into his concept of relationships

maybe back in his young soldiering days, zevlor had some one-night stands, maybe an occasional fling or two. but his devotion to his duty came first, and he sadly never found time to fall in love like he wanted, or start a family.

so, if you somehow managed to lure zevlor into your bed? you need to know it's because he loves you. even if he hasn't told you.

he's an old, broken paladin. he's not willing to risk heartbreak and further grind down his sense of self-worth, not with everything he's been through.

he's already lost everything that made him who he was. he can't loose you, too.

the first time around? it's all sweetness. he approaches your naked body with a sort of reverence, like he can't quite believe what he's seeing. that this is actually happening.

his attention to detail is paramount. he's trimmed all his talons to a dull sort of safety, he's got warming oil tucked into his belt-pouch, hell - he brings his own contraceptive herbs, if he's with the type partner where that's a concern. he'll eat em in front of you if that helps.

consent is the sexiest thing, and he unwraps you like a present, carefully asking with every piece of clothing removed, dipping his head to press kisses to every new bit of your beautiful self revealed to him.

His hands tremble as they travel over soft skin, careful on every curve he covers. he's constantly checking in, making sure you're okay- can he touch here? caress you?

it's admittedly a very vanilla affair, but it's probably the most tender, loving sex you'll ever have.

he's going to want to top, and gods, how can you say no to that face?

you'll come first. no matter what. he presses kisses down your body until he can attend your clit or cock with careful flicks of his tongue, he'll dribble oil onto his fingers in front of you so he can slowly work you open, taking one finger, then two-

and gods, you just know he'd have amazing hands, right? callused and dextrous after a lifetime of sword-wielding, but ever-so careful and exact.

he won't want to take you until you've made a mess of the bedsheets, and when he does? he wants to take you in missionary so he can reach you everywhere, kiss every bit, and watch - commit every bit of this to memory, just in case he never has the opportunity take you apart, ever again

he's going to do his gods-damned best to insure you both cum at the same time. he'll press careful kisses to your mouth as you fall apart, one hand cupping your chin, just so he can watch your face as you cum

he's not a very loud moaner, but he repeats your name on loop until he finishes.

he gets hella clingy afterwards, and if you two have the right kind of relationship where he feels safe enough to be vulnerable which of course you two do, he'll probably cry afterwards

thankfully, this becomes a regular occurrence for both of you

in terms of kinks? zevlor's a bit of a mixed bag. he's got a lot of things he's passingly thought would be very hot to try with a partner, but he may carry some weird guilt about it.

in kinky, bdsm terms-

i'm a firm believer he's a switch, and he's equally willing (and wanting, tbh) to take both roles on, depending on the night. while bdsm wouldn't be a lifestyle-like thing for him and the majority of y'all's sex is vanilla, there's definitely occasions where he wants to indulge. and they're usually like, specifically-planned and orchestrated occasions, set to consume a whole evening, for both the kinky sex and the aftercare.

safewords include the faerun equivalent to the stoplight system (which i'm still working on), or something simple and straightforward that both of you can easily remember.

'bridle' is what comes to mind off the bat

he's absolute delighted if his partner wanted to take care of him, and yield without a fight. if he verbally protests he should be taking care of you, just say you wanna show him how much you love him. he'll fall apart in moments.

as a submissive? his biggest kinks would be praise and body worship, especially contrasted with some light verbal degradation. he's got some guilt to work through, and it's nice to do that with someone he trusts implicitly. but focus more on rewarding good behavior, rather than punishing bad behavior. he's disappointed enough in himself.

it's worth mentioning, this man is the furthest thing from a brat (for the most part). he wants to be good and get praised, since nothing else gets his heart beating as fast - but if you're being a tease, he's not above squirming and cursing at you in infernal

bondage is a yes, but he prefers one particular facet: rope. shibari's equal parts art form and bondage, and he'd appreciate the care and attention to detail that goes into it.

ironically? you wouldn't need bondage to hold him still. he's pretty damn good at following orders, and he's definitely eager to please. i don't think he'd be into 'good boy', but call him a 'sweet lil soldier'??? hahahaha oh wow

sweet and reassuring aftercare is a necessity, there's like a 95% chance he'd cry in a weird, cathartic sorta way. he's definitely a candidate for subdrop, so watch for that.

regardless of how pretty he is when he falls apart, he'd additionally play dominant with just as much eagerness. just say you trust him implicitly, he's incredibly handsome and attractive when he's in-charge, and you want him to take control. he'll more than happily agree - he's enthusiastic about it, especially when he sees how excited you are about the concept

speaking of- titles. Master sits weird with him, but "Sir" and "Commander" are both on deck. he kinda a fun lil illicit thrill using his old title in the bedroom. it'd go a long way to restore that ole' Hellrider Commander confidence, ngl.

he's a very firm, but very kind dominant, if that makes sense? he issues his commands, wants and expects them to be followed. his rewards good behavior with praise and petting (hair, or elsewhere on your body)

he's got a very good understanding about the lengths and limits of subspace given how well he knows you, he's incredibly attentive about how far his submissive has sunk, mentally, and he'll take them as far as they're looking to go- whether that's just taking their mind off a situation with some sweet tending and an orgasm or three, or totally obliterating their brainpower in a positive way with the paladick(tm) treatment

very into getting his partner to the point all they remember his name, designation, and 'please'. equally as fond as leaving hickies/marks/love bites all across their body, especially where people might be able to see. leaving physical evidence of his effect on his lover is a big turn-on

as equally into bondage and rope as a dominant as he is a submissive. it's a hobby he occasionally indulges in, and he enjoys prettying you up in fancy hemp ropes he probably dyed himself

he's fan-fuckin-tastic with aftercare, it's kind of insane. he's soft and careful, getting you a glass of water, he draws you a warm bath and helps you clean up, and then lures you back into your body from the weird, floaty world of subspace with soft touches and sweet praises. he'll get you snacks afterwards if you need them, and do just about anything you'll ask - from reading a book out-loud so you can listen to his voice, to granting you another orgasm if needed.

for the record if y'all want deets about how he is with a brat or an obedient submissive, someone needs to bite the bullet and send the ask, otherwise this post is gonna extend into forever

#zevlor x tav #bg3 #zevlor

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purgemarchlockdown · 4 months ago

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Liar Tax

(Also Known as: Nott had Visions due to Dehydration about the Shidou covers)

So the cover songs are some of my personal favorite things about Milgram. When I first got into Milgram I got brainblasted by the Animal cover and was never the same. Since then I've always wanted to write more about the covers but I never got around to writing anything about them at length.

And then I put on the Shidou Covers.

On the count of "I-love-you"

The most noticeable common denominator when it comes to these songs is the concept of lying which I will relegated to a secondary element because I think these two songs have something more interesting to give us when it comes to insight on Kirisaki Shidou.

Shidou is very much what I would dub an Eternity Seeker. He longs for the:

T1Q16: What is the definition of happiness? A: To be promised an unchanging tomorrow.

He has this distinct romanticized version of the past and wishes he had the stable family life that he lost. His songs and VDs are tinged with this very strong sense of grief and longing for the better past where nothing bad ever happened actually.

“Throw down” connecting you with me, To keep you alive, you are still living

His crime as well seems to be connected to him trying to save "someone" (presumably his wife but also possibly one of his children) and failing. He's not exactly someone who can cope with change Well. That's why he's here after all. He's forsaken a lot of "morality" to get what he wants here.

"Stolen? Just whatever do you mean?" Committing myself to this performance, set lines and all Those memories we've desperately created and clung to, they blend together and feelings between us intensify

That’s right, for all these dirty delusions, let’s settle the bill with this dirty money

And he's not exactly uh- great at coping with this entire.

For someone who has self admitted to have done a lot of bad things, is stubborn and unwilling to change, and still says that for love he would do:

T1Q6: What are you willing to sacrifice for love? A: Everything.

He's pretty unforgiving to himself about this. He asked a 15 year old to kill him and all. His morals and beliefs are strict and rigid and it hurts everyone around him, including him.

Liar Dance reflects this. The singer is unforgiving and hateful towards who their singing towards but the singer talks about how:

It's swallowed you up completely, hasn't it? Liar Turn me inside-out and I look just like you It's nice to meet you, "Crime" and Punishment" No matter what you say

It's too late to apologize We're already partners in this crime called "love"

Acknowledging that they are the same in the end. Akin to how even though Shidou makes a distinction between the part of him that committed horrible acts of presumed medical malpractice and the part that is a good respectable member of society in Throw Down. They are Both Him.

And the feelings of deceit and guilt that comes with tricking people into believing that you (Shidou) are better than you actually are. The feeling of having gone too far, That:

“Throw down” ethics is a delusion I’m still guilty even if the morning comes

Liar Dance thus functions as a bit of a self condemnation. But I don't think that's the only possible meaning that can be derived from it. As Liar Dance is also distinctly about weak and false love.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you Shidou didn't care about his family. What I will say is that You Should Read These Posts by @/archivalofsins that break down the distinct possibility that Shidou Kirisaki might just be kinda a bad dad. His romanticization obscuring the knowledge that, no family can be that perfect and that Shidou was most likely less good then he would like to admit.

Dance away, liar This love has swelled up like a balloon, let's turn it into a lie with the prick of a needle On the count of "I-love-you"

It's a lie because any sort of perfect cishet marriage is a lie. That's not a thing because there's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Shidou's standards are so high that they could be considered childish.

A family and love so perfect it can't be anything But a lie.

Turning wishes into reality

But that's not all.

While Delusion Tax is also a song that can pretty easily be mapped onto Shidou's feelings of selfishness about the morally questionable things he did for the sake of what he wants. There's also another aspect of it and Shidou's character I'd like to explore.

Kirisaki Shidou is a Boyprince.

Or uh- to read better in Milgram terms. A Savior.

Shidou Kirisaki has this thing about needing people to rely on him to feel...alive and needed.

That’s right, there’s justice that needs saving See, indispensable, I’m indispensable

Existing for your sake alone, mandatory affections and obligated kindness

He needs to be useful to others because to feel like he deserves a place in the world. To feel like he can live within it. He chose to be a doctor because:

T1Q1: Why did you choose your current workplace? A: Because I thought it'd let me contribute to society.

after all.

However, Shidou Kirisaki is self-admittedly selfish despite these seemingly altruistic intents.

Though you should be satisfied, a voice from within shouts “NO!” We have an idiot on our hands, it seems…

For many reasons, but one of them is because he doesn't really care too much about a person's autonomy if he thinks he needs to save or guide them in some way.

This is the most clear with Amane. Who hates him for this!

Shidou: I…… I just don’t understand. If everything about MILGRAM is true…… why did a child like you have to become a murderer? Just imagining what sort of circumstances must have led to that, it makes me so sad…… Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?

Because he longs for someone to save to have purpose in this world, he implicitly imposes himself as a "larger authority" on them. Believing his actions and feelings to have a greater importance then what they say.

Let’s pay that Delusion Tax For the sake of making everyone’s life oh so wonderful…

While the Delusion Tax can also read as the "price" he paid in the attempt to what he wanted when it came to his crime.

That which you wish for, the person you think of, The past which you hate as well, they’ll all be as you like. The kind of face and chest you desire, they’ll be granted if you pay.

it can also be read as what Shidou "sacrifices" for the sake of:

making everyone’s life oh so wonderful…

Since, Shidou also has a thing about choosing what he believes to be more valuable and important to a community and this extends to how he treats the people around him.

“Throw down”, someone’s value Cannot be the same as another “Throw down” should choose between superiority or inferiority

He creates these defined lines of who is better and worse, who would be more helpful and who he can...ignore for the sake of others.

Not because he's an evil person who wants to sacrifice people. Again, he has world's worst guilt complex. Just because...from a pragmatic standpoint...some people just contribute less than others and Oh No Don't Look at this Wikipedia Page for Eugenics I have Accidentally Linked!

"Hey, that girl is pretty great… Her too!" Looks like you’re thinking some pretty nice thoughts over there… Are you really satisfied with just that? Don’t you think it’d be nice for it all to come true? “That girl is alright… That one works too, I guess” Pretending you love compromise, what a liar!

Delusion Tax's perspective Singer is talking about granting people's Wishes. For a price. But that price is good for something better right?

Turning wishes into reality Right now, buy back your future! Afflicted by so badly wanting to do “that”, consumed by desire Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain

Everything must have an equivalent exchange right?

Well, now we can circle back to his murder because, well, that's not really how life works either. Life isn't really fair in the sense of you pay something and you get what you want back. Sometimes you pay everything and still lose.

You can't save everyone, not necessarily because you were naive or because you didn't try hard enough or didn't do the dirty work you should of or whatever. But because, you just can't. It's impossible.

A Lie, a Farce, a Delusion, if you will.

But those wishes won't really come true, even if you pay For it’s all a lie, a great big farce

The Correct Answer, I Don’t Yet Know

Kirisaki Shidou I think, really does want the world to be fair. He wants to contribute, be useful, be important. Have the world stay in balance. He submits himself to be guilty verdict-ed because he Deserves To Die, but changes his mind and tries to convince Es to let him live because people now Need him and the "balance" of the "world" has now shifted into needing him.

It's his own perspective on the world applied onto himself. In Trial 1 he's sorted himself into an undesirable who should not be let into society anymore. In Trial 2 he's pinged himself as someone so important and priceless that they Must Not let him go.

Is this a necessarily healthy view? No! Not at all! This harms much more people than him really!

But Shidou's worldview is one that is rigid and working on thoughts on what is "good" or "bad" for the world. It's childish in that sense, causing him to harm others and be stubborn and unwilling to reflect and making him someone who Really Should Not be a doctor, and I think the cover songs explore what he does and the worldview around it really well.

#milgram #shidou kirisaki #milgram analysis #milgram meta #NOTT HAS WRITTEN THE POST

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celestie0 · 9 months ago

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Idk if this is weird to ask but can you tell more about your situationship?😭 I’m curious since it inspired the story idkkk

nooo not weird at all haha, i had plans to share more ab it once i was done w kickoff but i dont really mind sharing a bit now (will literally always take up any chance to talk ab it it’s an impulse i cannot resist)

basically i met this guy like halfway through my freshman year of college at a frat event, it was a bit different from kickoff dynamic in that we started hooking up pretty soon after that, just a casual thing, but then the pandemic hit and so he went back home to live w his grandpa/family in new york (i live in cali) once campus shut down and stuff. obviously we couldn’t hook up anymore LMFAO but we still talked a lot and i think it was during this time of just talking to one another that i really started to catch massive feelings for him :”)

i went through some bad anxiety during covid, struggling a lot w my career and if i still wanted to pursue the things i thought i wanted (i think a lot of college students went through this w the pandooski) but he would always be there for me and would stay on facetime calls w me if i was struggling to study, he’d cheer me up w pics of his tibetan dogs lol, just reallyyy sweet ugh when we were long distance i rly saw a side of him i didn’t before and i think that’s what made me fall for him

i confessed to him first, similar to reader in kickoff, n told him we could do long distance until he moved back here. but then he hit me with the “i’m sorry, i can’t date you, i’ve got commitment issues”. in his case, he had a long-term girlfriend in high school for four years who he also was dating into college (before he met me), but he found out she had been cheating on him for a long time w not just one but multiple of his friends 😭 so..he said he has really bad trust issues, and that he really wanted to try to date me, but he just felt like he couldn’t

i was really hurt, obviously, but i think in hindsight maybe it was a responsible decision on his part to not throw me into a mess of a relationship w him, one he knew he wasn’t ready for. but at the time, i just thought that it was bc i wasn’t good enough to change his mind. anyways, he asked if we could still talk and be friends, and i said sure bc i didn’t really want to lose him. i figured i could just wait for him (and i told him that i would)

yeahhh well the waiting was way more fucking painful than i thought. he flew to cali once to visit me when flights were sort of resuming, which is just fucking insane because you’ll fly to see me but you won’t date me 😭, and i told him that it’d be the last time he ever sees me! and it was :”) maybe it was an impulsive decision by me, but idk. yknow when you get stuck in a limbo for what feels like forever that you make a decision just for the sake of making one (it was such a short amt of time in reality, but it felt like forever) he made a comment to me in our last conversation about how he really wished he didn’t have to be someone i had to wait on to change, and that really fuckin stuck w me lmao i cried so hard the drive home from the airport. i think all the “what-ifs” kinda sunk in at that moment

ch7 of kickoff was basically me trying to get inside the head of the guy from my situationship, and see what it’s like to have fears hold you back from wanting to experience something for yourself, something that could be beautiful if you would just give it a chance. i felt like if i wrote it from that angle, i’d have more understanding of my situationship (i dont have commitment issues myself, tbh i’ve never rlly understood the concept. like, i’ve been fucked over by ppl in my life too but i’m never one to punish the next person for it. dealing w my situationship was really hard because of this, i would get really frustrated, but writing ch7 from gojo’s character’s perspective made situationship guy’s feelings make more sense to me, i think, there was a sense of closure in that)

but anyways, i was in love w him for sure. like, possibly infatuated. there was a time where we got into a big argument about something and i think i legit i cried myself into a fever 💀 it was all so crazy and powerful, the feelings, i’ve been involved w n dated other guys since but of course none of it really compares. idk, i guess there are just some people that can make you feel that way, there’s really no use in understanding why.

this sounds so sappy, lmaoo i swear i truly am “over” him in that i hardly think of him that much anymore, n tbh i don’t think of him specifically all that much while i’m writing kickoff, but there are moments where i can’t help but bring those feelings into the story.

there’s a line in ch8, near the end of the bed scene, where reader has a thought like

“You feel so safe with him, and yet you also feel scared, because you like him so much that you would let him ruin you if he wanted to.”

yeah. that’s basically how i felt about him.

#damn sorry this is long asf #kickoff #kickoff backstory #asks #anon

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