#which i thiiiink i can do... the other ones will suck but i THINK i can do it

[neproxrezi]

trying to make generator VE-20B functional let alone useful is going to be the death of me

[chaoticbuggybitchboy]

I want to know :3

:D

My favorite poem is Antigonish by Hughes Mearns! It’s featured in the Magnus Archives and it is lodged in my brain forever. I’ll probably make it its own dedicated post but it talks about a man who isn’t there, with the writer wishing that the man who isn’t there would go away. It’s a lovely little poem and especially as someone whose psychosis manifests primarily as delusions, I simply Vibe with a poem about something you know isn’t there but terrorizes you anyways.

And yeah! I have taste -> color synesthesia!! For the first 10 or so years of my life I thought you could teach colors to (color)blind people using foods. It’s kind of a weird thing to try and talk about because really the main way I know that my experience of the world is different from most people’s is that language just not built for the way I experience taste. I’ve thought of trying to do some sort of art based on my synesthesia but ive never been able to figure out exactly how since it’s really difficult for me to separate taste and the colors. I also experience ‘shrimp colors’ that don’t exist in a way humans can visually experience. Like orange and green at the same time, but not grey or speckled; the color simply does not exist.

There’s also almost no correlation between visualcolors and tastecolors. Por ejemplo, carrots (orange food) taste like a desaturated forest green. The only real trends are that the more artificial a food is, the more likely it is to match color wise; and that water will lighten and desaturate things.

Also it’s difficult for me to sort of quantify since I have no other frame of reference, but it does have a lot of effects on my life. Since color tends to overwhelm any ‘normal taste’, that’s what most of my favorite (and least favorite) foods are based on. I dislike carrots because it’s unpredictable whether they’re green or brown and I don’t like that neither of those are orange. My two favorite foods are grape koolaid (it’s so purple and I like purple; I also never water it down because then it’s Purple and I can also taste sour) and salt & vinegar chips (the vinegar covers any colors).

Water is always white or a very very light grey. This does affect what water I will drink because I avoid drinking water that’s sort of tinted warm colors. Doesn’t vibe right.

And the way I describe foods is almost always color based, since that’s the main way I experience it. This has deeply confused and mildly frustrated anyone trying to learn anything applicable to their own experience of food. I have no idea what other people taste, especially since colors tend to overshadow anything else. I’m pretty sure I experience spiciness and saltiness normally though.

And as mentioned earlier, it seriously impacts my sensory issues. Tastes are doubled (I guess?) and any after taste lingers for ages. If the water im drinking is significantly tinted it builds up in my mouth and is Bad (I had to pause writing this to refill my water bottle with my house filtered water instead of the water fountain from my school since that water is reddish and my water is only very faintly teal). Also since all taste is doubled-ish I am basically always aware of the fact that my mouth has a taste and a color. Which kinda sucks.

Also I think this is an adhd thing but I have a hard time describing colors unless I’m actively tasting something because I have a word based brain and the colors are something that completely upends the English language’s way of describing the senses. That’s sort of why I always describe it as being a one way link and say “taste to color synesthesia” rather than “taste color synesthesia”, because I don’t taste anything when I see colors, I just experience colors when I taste something. I think if it went both ways I would be a very different person and would likely have meltdowns much more often but that’s pure speculation.

I thiiiink that’s everything I can think of right now, but yeah! Synesthesia! I think I heard the word about four-ish years ago now and literally nothing has clicked for me faster than that did. It took me less time to start identifying with synesthesia than it did for me to identify with any lgbtq+ label. Every time I think about the fact that ‘tasting colors’ is something that people say to mean they’re loopy or high or something and not that they can literally taste colors I have to do a double take. It’s such a seemingly tiny little thing but it’s so fundamental to my experience of the world that I cannot even imagine anything different. What does koolaid taste like if not Color? I don’t know, because all I can taste is Color.

[mermaidsirennikita]

do you have any recs for books simmilar to acotar? but better lol

Hmmm I've honestly had a very hard time finding fairy books that don't suck (probably in part due to everyone wanting to chase ACOTAR's success) but in general I'd recommend:

The most "if you want an ACOTAR vibe but good" series, for me, is Kerri Maniscalco's Kingdom of the Wicked/Princes of Envy series. It is easily one of my favorite book things I've discovered this year. Similarly to ACOTAR, it begin with YA marketing, but I can assure you... the first book is pretty chaste (one kiss, though it is quite dark and violet and mature otherwise--our heroine is not underage) but everything after that is MOST DEFINITELY NOT. Like, it's really hot.

But yeah, Kingdom of the Wicked is the original trilogy, not standalones, must be read in order. Princes of Envy is the spinoff series (marketed as adult from the jump and thank God because again, nothing after book 1 should have been marketed as YA and the tone imo was never YA regardless of content) and these books are theoretically standalnes, though only one has come out thus far.

The basic premise of the original trilogy is that the heroine is a witch whose twin sister is discovered murdered, and her journey to find out who did it/take revenge leads her into this dance with the Seven Princes of Hell, in particular WRATH. I often refer to these as "what if ACOTAR was good", because you still have some fated mates vibes, this generally super magical spin, strong heroines, biiig romance. Amazing.

A Gathering of Dragons (2 standalone books so far, ongoing) by Milla Vane. This is fantasy romance with a big emphasis on BOTH of those things. There's a map in the book, which is always a good sign for fantasy lmao. A lot of the big fantasy plot is focused on like, dynastic struggles, and then you have rituals, magic, a barbarian hero attempting to recapture his throne, blood used as an Implement, virginity loss rituals by the light of the moon... It's real good.

The Weathermages of Mystral by C.L. Wilson (two books, ongoing but it's been a whiiiile since the last one, sorta standalone but should be read in order). Another series kinda focused on dynastic struggles--the powers are heavily weather-based (hence the name) and it begins with the arranged marriage between a conquering king with winter powers and a princess of the neighboring kingdom with like, summer-type powers. There are definitely fated mates vibes in both books--I reeeeally love this scene early in book one where the hero has the heroine up against a wall because he thinks she's ambushing him and he like, smells her with his enhanced sense of smell (he's descended from wolves) and THINGS GET WEIRD. And his buddy comes in like "HEY. YOU'RE BEING WEIRD BRO." Delightful.

Aspects and Anchors by Ruby Dixon (4 books so far with two novellas set in the same 'verse, standalones, ongoing I thiiiink?). So the basic idea of this series is that there are gods, and these gods get ritualistically punished by their father god every few centuries or something. So they're split into four "aspects"--arrogance, dishonesty, apathy, and hedonism, which represent their sins? And the aspects have to battle each other/hunt each other down until one survives and essentially becomes the convergence of all four. In order to stay in OUR plane, they must have an anchor, which is basically a bound human servant. GUESS WHO ARE HEROINES GET TO BE???

What adds a twist is that the heroines come from OUR world. Which adds a lot of humor to the whole thing, as per Ruby Dixon's style.

Consort of Fire by Kit Rocha (one book so far, another due out in August, not standalones). This kicks off with a heroine who's agreed to marry a dragon shifter god, knowing that all of his previous consorts have died horribly. What he doesn't know is that she's agreed to kill him. Also, her handmaiden accompanying her is actually a handmaiden/assassin. Also also, that handmaiden/assassin is her lover. It ultimately ends up being FFM, and it's this very hot, very complex love story with a lot of conflicting loyalties.

[zendyval]

i agree with you 1000%. the only thing i thiiiink others on here and on twitter are mad about regarding comments like these “Hate to break out to you anons but all of your faves won’t be working either” are because their faves (while not actually filming) are still having casting announcements made on their behalf. for example, deadline just broke the news that hunter was cast in a movie with anne hathaway yesterday. sydney, jacob and maude all had casting announcements within the past 8 weeks for new projects. there were comparisons on twitter because timothee’s bob dylan biopic is in preproduction and schedule to begin filming in sept.

so not agreeing at all just clarifying what miiiight be the perspective of some of these posts.

my personal thoughts are zendaya always planned on waiting to see what scripts and offers came her way after challengers. since it’ll be a different light that audiences will see her in, maybe then changing roles that come her way. m&m was still dramatic and broody while challengers is supposed to be slightly comedic and more witty. idk? maybe i’m totally off.

I understand their point but it's still dumb because Z is doing fine and it's always used as some sort of gotcha to say that she sucks, can't act, isn't ambitious enough, nobody wants to hire her and frankly that is all not true. Also people are not washed up at 26, especially one that has two big movies coming out this year (I think, I've lost track of release dates). Like she has two movies in the can that haven't even come out yet and I know I know, just a love interest argument which is also very tired.

Also signings aside, one thing that happens when writers strikes and actor strikes happen is some of these projects will never happen or see the light of day.

Like I just have such a hard time getting worked up over the state of Z's acting career and people passing her by when she's got 2 Emmys, one from as recently as the last Emmy awards, and has two big release movies coming out this year.

Other thing is people are allowed to take time off and pursue whatever the want as also as we've covered Z is in a place where she makes so much money from brand deals and such that she is not in a place where she has to work 24/7.

Just the energy people try to put into make her seem like some lost ingenue who can't book a job and who nobody wants to work with is crazy.

[ziracona]

omg i turned my messages on ps4 off cause dbd players are SALTY but one of the very last convos i had with a random dbd player were about how one time they pissed someone else off so much in dbd that the person ended up doxxing them and getting their address and stuff and iirc the police might have been involved? but luckily the situation was calmly deescalated and nothing bad happened but like... good lord asldkjfjlkadf.

Bro you made the only good choice. 😂 I should really do that too. I try to leave it on so I can like, get “hey I have a key” messages from teammates, or thank yous and be nice to my team and stuff, but is it worth it? Man, I try to never message people or message back if people are dicks, just block them, but it gets so irritating when people just choose to be dicks over and over, & dbd is very high in toxicity unfortunately. : / I have a hard time not wanting to do something if the situation is unfair or needlessly mean and shitty just for fun, esp if I’m like, trying to introduce the game to a friend? I regretabbly have made poor decisions a few times & messaged people at like sleep deprived 4am, & it needs to be a never again TuT.

But uh also that’s insane omg. The lengths???? Lord. That’s kinda terrifying. Good lord. People really get weird about games don’t they? Unreal. Why? Why on earth would you possibly be so mad about a game of dbd as to dox someone, or hunt down their irl address? Why are people like this. Glad at least it turned out ok but woof.

[steveharrington]

I don’t really understand the appeal of Chrissy, we know like 3 things about her and one of them is that she was dating a horrible person. I also didn’t get the sense that there were issues in her relationship with Jason beyond her not letting him in on her suffering, they seemed to genuinely like each other

Like her only meaningful interactions were with vecna and his hallucinations and Eddie who she barely knew and wanted something from. Not trying to suggest she’s fake or anything but she’s going to be nice

I just don’t get the appeal of her character because there’s really barely anything there, I guess

i think there is something to be said for the fact that a lot of people can probably identify with what chrissy is shown to be going through before her death and it’s natural for those viewers to want to imagine a version of chrissy who got to live out the rest of her life happy and in recovery. as for her relationship with jason i do wish we’d gotten a little bit more of like…..her side? my personal little take on it is just that chrissy feels like she’s obligated to go along with this image of a typical all american popular girl that’s forced on her by her mother and her peers, so she dates jason to partially fulfill that aspect of the role. i thiiiink the only time we see them interact is when he shouts her out in the speech and she blows the little kiss?? and to me the little kiss seemed very noncommittal and just her going through the motions but again there’s so little to go off of that we don’t really Know all the complexities. i also think (🚨controversial opinion alert 🚨) a lot of people only see chrissy as one half of a ship and not really as an individual character. like they saw the typical “good girl/bad guy” trope with her and eddie and they just ran with it, and i don’t know it she’d honestly be as popular if she is wasn’t shipped with eddie. which sucks! because i think there is untapped potential with chrissy and i think she’s an interesting character to speculate about but when people Only want to talk about her in terms of shipping it’s like. yawn!

[savrenim]

Hey mx savrenim its me again and I'm wondering: how you maintain tension in a story with characters with future vision? Especially in a story with no guaranteed future, where seers can ensure the best possible future for themselves

oooooh v v good question, once more under the cut

so there are a lot lot LOT of ways to do this that all depend on the tone that you want your story to go for, and Imma reference a few pieces of media that do this in various ways, but this is pretty much a subset of the question “how do you maintain tension in your story when your character is very overpowered”

1. Just very realistically explore that “in theory able to do things perfectly” and “in practice able to do things perfectly” are very very different things.  Another Faust by Daniel Nayeri had pretty much someone with Seer-like capabilities (namely, the ability to loop back I thiiiink as far as they wanted in time?) that they could use to make sure they always said the right thing, got the right answers on tests, etc etc, and it just.... didn’t work out for them perfectly. Because perfect knowledge didn’t fix everything. If you know how every single play is going to work idk in a baseball game, that gives you an edge, but it doesn’t actually mean you win the game unless you are good enough at baseball to hit that ball and run those bases

In that case, the more effective the Seer wants to be, the more they have to actually train the skills that they care about, so that they can carry out the actions physically that lead to their ideal future. And building physical skills is hard and takes work and practice, and anything you have to work to get better at to reach a goal is the starting point of tension. 

Also to continue the sports metaphor, having perfect knowledge of a baseball game and even being the best player in the world doesn’t guarantee you a win because you cannot play every single position, there are other people on the team who are going to be doing actions that at most can have secondhand versions of your knowledge. Trying to manage the human aspect leads to human error. So maybe there is tension because the Seer aggressively self-isolates so that Other People Will Not Fail Them and tension comes from interacting with other people they have extreme trust issues. Maybe the tension comes from them playing puppetmaster and trying to figure out which people they are willing to sacrifice for their goals, which people will fail them and which people they can and should hold onto, and from nobody really trusting them because everyone is well aware that the puppetmaster is willing to make sacrifices.

And finally -- just knowing the future doesn’t mean you can fix it. I don’t know about you, but even if I had perfect foreknowledge of the future, I would not be truly happy just personally thriving as idk rich and a famous mathematician and physicist and married to my fiance and maybe the books that I want to be published published and enough money to give to all my friends too and maybe can we have warp drives I want to go to space and inventing some solid if not immortality-tech then life-extension tech would be cool -- which, like, is everything I could personally wish for from life and more -- but in the world that we have? like, climate change SUCKS. fascism SUCKS. racism SUCKS. sexism and homophobia and poverty and class wars disguised as generational wars and all of the existing structures that reinforce all of these things SUCK. and even personally having perfect foreknowledge of the future enough to either start with or build up a bunch of political power and money, to try to change any of that would mean going against incredibly entrenched institutions that I honestly have no idea how effective one person could be at changing. Like if B*zos suddenly decided “wait let’s save the world and make a socialist utopia” do you actually think he would succeed? or even get very far? even applying every single resource he commands? or would he just.... lose a lot of his money and power trying to do that and then someone else becomes the richest person in the world who does want to maintain the system. because a lot of that power are things that do not exist, like stocks, it’s imaginary money that the moment you stop playing the game you get kicked out of the game and maybe you can make tiny changes but the game itself doesn’t stop

so baaaasically consider making your Seer a radical anarchist or at least someone who cares about tackling large-scale problems that one individual will never be able to solve, to play the “well if a very powerful individual had a single-minded focus on trying to fight these things could we at least get further than every single powerful person wanting to screw us over or just not caring?” game -- that creates tension because global problems can only be solved by global and communal actions, and one individual, no matter how perfectly they can see the future, cannot do that on their own

2. “Psychic powers don’t make you popular.” This is my obligatory “I just rewatched Mob Psycho 100 and am obsessed with it seriously consider watching it if you haven’t.” I know I keep bringing up MP100 but hear me out my favorite media is where the main character is stupidly overpowered so I don’t have to be stressed at all consuming it and MP100 maybe is the most touching but also well thought out and interestingly plotted version of that I’ve ever seen  But the basic premise of Mob Psycho 100 is that the main character, Mob, is a middle schooler with the most powerful psychic abilities in the world. The tension comes from: (1) Mob is not in total control over his powers and feels really really bad when he loses control and for example uses his powers against another person even in self-defense because that’s a Rule he made for himself that he really doesn’t want to cross ever. Which with a Seer, maybe you have a Seer that Cares Deeply About Other People’s Privacy, or who Cares Deeply About Having Real Relationships That They Do Not Manipulate, or who Cares Deeply About Their Achievements Being Their Own and so they don’t use their powers in everyday life out of moral considerations, except sometimes gods in stressful situations you just want everything to be okay so the tension of “do I fix this right now or is this crossing a line” drives your story. (2) because Mob isn’t using his powers in everyday life, while he is having these giant badass psychic battles with ghosts and evil psychics as a part-time job after school and yeah yeah you know he’s going to win, the tension and growth in the story comes from the gains that he is making in his personal life of, like, “oh he made a friend!!!!! oh he stood up for himself even though that’s really hard for him and he set a boundary!!!! oh he’s working really really hard towards his goal of being better at running!!!!! oh look he’s grown so much at episode 1 he didn’t talk to anyone his own age or have anything to do and now he’s doing things for himself!!!” Having your Seer take the ethics of not using seeing into the future to manipulate the people around them really really seriously, working very hard at tiny life things and then being a complete fucking badass that is putting down world-threatening threats as hobby that they kind of don’t view as that important in defining them as a person or defining their accomplishments or how they feel about themselves means that it doesn’t matter how overpowered they are in terms of their abilities, your audience will care and be invested in the tiny life accomplishments that they are working so hard to do on their own, and will be proud of their personal growth.

3. Blind Spots. Exactly what it sounds like, can your Seer really see everything? Perfectly? And if they do see everything do they know the exact effect that acting differently will cause? Or are they limited visions -- they only come at certain times, they only are about very specific things, the Seer cannot control when they happen, etc. The more specific and limited your visions are, the harder they have to actually work to figure out how to interpret them and best play the cards that they have, so maybe finding that perfect happy life isn’t actually all that easy. 

Alternatively, your Seer can only see the natural future, what would happen if they do not change their actions. If they change their actions, they can’t re-glimpse the new version, so it’s up to their best guess as to whether or not their plans to make things better will actually make things better. You can create a shit-ton of tension there if only because Plans Never Go Perfectly. Honestly at this point you’re just writing a slightly different version of those “MC is a Super Genius” books that instead of them making good plans because they are a Super Genius, it is good plans because they can see the future, I stand by childhood me that the first three Artemis Fowl books are great and honestly I’m pretty sure the plot wouldn’t really change too much if you added “Artemis can see what future would happen if he didn’t take any actions to interfere” and it would just be another interesting trait that was a part of his planning process.

And even if your Seer can see re-glimpse the new version, they are human. They have only a finite amount of time, and a finite amount of brain space. You don’t need to make the rules of Seer powers be that “they can see all of spacetime and all possibilities of the past and future perfectly all the time.” They can miss things by not thinking something is important and looking in a different direction. You can build up tension around they can only look into the future, not the past, they missed something, and now they don’t know what they missed and what to target to fix it. Or play the finite amount of time bit very hard: if they see the effects of deciding one particular course of action, it takes [x] time for the vision to complete, then they need to try to see the effects of one other particular course of action, and they can only effectively run a handful of simulations -- or even hundreds or thousands, but the answer is still a finite number of dear gods is nature chaotic / the butterfly effect is built into every single physics equation that there is that describes the world -- so tension comes from even if they can check that a plan is good, they still have to come up with a plan to change the future, and can only come up with so many plans in the time that they have. 

4. Existential Crisis. You made Seer powers “they can see all of spacetime and all possibilities of the past and future perfectly all the time.” idk I would find life terribly boring and have an existential crisis over that probably? of am I even human? does anything I do matter? does anyone else exist, really, since I can see and control every aspect of their lives? am I a god? how do I relate to anyone? how do I care about anything? 

In this setup, your main character would not be the Seer, it would be a person or group of people who are either trying to Save The World or Accomplish Something Important or even Accomplish Something Selfish who spend the story trying to befriend the Seer and get their help goddamnit because the moment the Seer is on their side, they win. and then the tension comes from the Seer keeps refusing but is ~slowly opening their heart~, jaded older mentor figure adopts tiny adorable hopeful child is the found family JAM and then your main character finally decides they aren’t getting the help and goes off and does the incredibly dangerous thing alone and the Seer realizes too late that oh nooo my tiny son is in danger and at just the last moment decides fuck it and leaps back into the game to try to help and save them and oh both the glorious drama and all the best tropes all of them seriously if you write this book ping me I’ll read it I’m a sucker for jaded old loner adopts Naive Hopeful Hero Who Is Going To Save The World Even If It Kills Them and jaded old loner just spends the entire time going “oh no. oh no tiny child. oh gods I’m coming out of retirement aren’t I. tiny child please. please have you considered just being chill so that I don’t have to come out of retirement” and then just. the SATISFACTION. when they come in at just the right moment and the tension leading up to it when you didn’t know if they were going to or not. it’s poetry.

This can also pretty easily be done without the Seer having godlike powers, just pretty strong powers-- have them have made their life perfect, found it empty, and fallen into a depressive fugue then use the above plot for the same effect. 

5. Make Them Your Villain. The final way of dealing with making tension and having an overpowered character is, uh..... it’s only no tension when your protagonist doesn’t need to struggle to reach their goals. if the antagonist is walking down easy street that only makes things all the more stressful because how do you beat that? and that is all of the tension in your book: figuring it out.

a subgenre of this is Seer v Seer: the best possible future for one Seer is not necessarily the best possible future for another Seer, so if you have multiple Seers, Seers clashing against other Seers that have the same powers which means their powers aren’t necessarily an advantage is a shit-ton of tension. That is.... pretty much the plot of trash novel? So I’d rather not go into detail about how I personally am doing it, but anytime people who have the same abilities fight, they’re on equal ground, you don’t know who is going to win, so boom, tension.

6. Seers are illegal/ kidnapped by the government the moment they are discovered to work for the government only/ targeted for kidnapping by all sorts of powerful groups, so your Seers need to aggressively hide their powers and the more they use them to make their life perfect, the more in danger they are; even if they can use their abilities to avoid ever being captured, they will be on the run their entire lives if they get found out.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

evens. go pee.

awesome Thank you, i Did pee

2:How long have you known your best friend?

a year

4:Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

fun fact i didn’t go to high school. in middle school i sat at the corner of the odds n ends losers lunch table and usually read, lol. in college i eventually was kind of in the peripherals of a theatre-dept-y group, like, the odds and ends of some odds and ends right there really

6:Do you wish to travel a lot?

it would be cool if i at least knew that i Could 

10:Do you like the way that you grew up?

it was lucky in some ways but overall it was some real bs

18:A random memory from you childhood:

idk in kindergarten there was a field trip to just some nearish-by farm i think to pick strawberries as a goal and after we got there it started to rain and the teachers were like “if it keeps up we’ll probably just have to go back” but then it stopped raining after like five minutes, so that was exciting for us as 5 yr olds. also i just always remember these two kids were “dating”?? which like, what’s that possibly mean when you’re five, but whatever, but this also afforded them some sort of Cool Kid status. and now i’m just like christ how can a 5 yr old possibly be cool. one of their names was jordan, i remember still

20:What was the last thing you watched on tv?

there was this show about like, refurbishing / repurposing old furniture basically, and it was on and i was sitting there. the last thing that was on that i like, picked, was i thiiiink still the pre-halloween movie marathon

22:Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

sure

22:What was the last dream you remember having?

just boring too-irl-based anxiety dreams. boo

24:How many pillows do you sleep with?

one

26:What color is your hair?

brown

28:What is your favorite soda?

grape

30:How’s the weather right now? 

i knew it was cold and clear like 45 min ago thanks to me peeing outside

32:Who do you miss right now?

well last night i got kinda fucked up abt the idea of ppl having this in-person solid group of friends / people who want to see you and be around you, but then also like, i don’t know if i’m cut out for that as something i’d Actually enjoy, and it’s even less certain that it’d ever happen so it’s like, that was half the depressing stuff, then the other half being “well sucks that that’s never quite happened before already, either.” missing a theoretical concept of people

34:Are you still figuring out who you are?

unfortunately...........there wasn’t much room for “be urself and have your interests and feel free to try stuff / have ur actual identity”

36:What is your favorite restaurant?

idk! lol

38:Would ever adopt kids?

if it was like, an apocalyptic scenario where there was literally nobody more equipped to make sure some kids didn’t die, sure. but also like, if this question is just asking like “adoption: ew or I Guess It’s Fine” then like, obviously i don’t want kids but adoption is great if the parents are actually equipped to handle their kids needs, which is just as true for non-adoptive parents obviously, and it’s not like, a Lesser family member or something, or not as good as ~having a baby yourself~ or only okay as a last resort or anything. if i wanted kids i would adopt kids

40:What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

it was just like aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

42:What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

probably just some kind of funky food combo i’ve ended up w/ cuz of just being hungry, which i can’t think of anything in particular rn lol

44:What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

haven’t had one

46:Do you have a bucket list?

no

48:When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i don’t remember.......i’ll laugh p hard at funney video sometimes but not That hard

50:5 random facts about yourself:

1) i’m sweaty at random and if Only i still smelled good....maybe half the time it’s neutral but sometimes i just am like, im stinkey

2) i don’t think i have any allergies (that ppl aren’t allergic to pretty much always, like mosquitoes. mosquitoes love to bite me actually)

3) i like math

4) i used to read / watch / play a lot of mystery-solving media including eventually like, murder mystery related, but not so much in recenter times and it’s like, was that just kinda easing into enjoying the horror genre or what. idk maybe i also just like Mysteries but kinda cooled on that. also speaking of earlier stuff i remember being real bemused after finally finding out that everyone on scooby doo is technically a teenager??? they just Drive Around being given authority to investigate shit and do whatever the hell they want so i figured these were grown people. i also was confused abt the age of sesame street muppets b/c it was like, idk, i figured grover and big bird were also just grown......everyone out here doing Whatever

5) lol idk i like cats and birds like this is obvious lore already but i’ve honestly been sitting here for like 20+ min like “think of a fact” and just like aah no that one sucks.....no that’s just like a boring memory, Think Of A Fact......nah this other one is also shit.........lol like idek what’s a Fun Fact. i’m not too inchsting

[textsfromtheborderline]

We’ve had a couple questions about ASPD vs BPD sitting in our inbox for a couple days now, so I wanted to take the time to answer them and sort of combine them into this post. To be honest, I only know the basics of ASPD, but I’m by no means an expert. 

I did some digging around, and for more informed answers, you may want to head over to your-aspd-dad as they’re certainly more knowledgable, and seem very willing to answer questions!

Questions/Answers under the cut :)

Q: Hi. I’m pretty sure I have aspd and was unofficially diagnosed with it. It fits perfectly, except for some things: I have mostly rage outbursts, but sometimes RANDOM general emotional breakdowns. I have excoriation disorder, and daily persecutory delusions. I have in my mind someone that sounds very much like what you called FP, but I still haven’t met someone like that. Also, really often, when the boredom/void strikes, i happen to dissociate. These made me think of bpd; wyt?

A: By “in your mind,” do you mean you have the idea of an FP? Or do you mean that as part of your delusions/psychotic symptoms you feel you have an FP though it isn’t necessarily another person? My answer would change depending on that. I think we’ve gone pretty in depth about FPs this past week, so check out our FP tag if you haven’t already!

There’s a lot of overlap when it comes to any cluster B disorder, and if you look at Millon’s Subtypes you can read a lot more about different ways that PDs may present (though no one is going to completely cut and dry fit into any one subtype, it’s a good place to start). On page 15 here you can read much more in depth descriptions of how different traits may present in ASPD. That same text, you can read about BPD on page 20 (though pp. 17-19 may also be helpful because Millon’s language sucked sometimes).

There’s a good chance you may have ASPD with borderline traits! It’s not unheard of! Personality disorders (and really just the human mind and the way it develops) are incredibly complex, and having one doesn’t disqualify you from having another. A friend of mine has AvPD and DPD! Both are cluster C disorders. Cluster overlap is way more common that you would think, even in cluster B disorders where some of them feel polar opposite sometimes. I’d talk more with your doctor about this, as they’ll know better than me, and if it’s something that’s weighing on your mind, a mental health professional is going to be your best resource.

Q: Thanks for the fp input. Honestly l know there’s something wrong with me, I can’t really say what. All the aspd symptoms match perfectly, I cannot find anything that makes me think “I don’t have this”, but I definitely feel in need of a fp just like you described, which contradicts aspd. But I don’t trust anyone to have an actual fp, and that’s more aspd. I don’t want to self diagnose but I’ve been manipulating my therapist ever since and I have this huge big mask that 1) would be stupid to drop 2) i was so good at creating basically another person they wouldn’t even take me seriously if I talked about aspd or bpd 3) it’s like i physically can’t stop manipulating and lying to them. I have both of my parents with mental disorders and a couple of diagnosed BPD people in my family, don’t know if there’s any genetic involved 

I thiiiink this is the same person? I’m not sure, though, which is why I made sure to distinguish the two asks. 

Personality disorders certainly have a genetic component, as with any mental illness. Having mentally ill family members affects you in both “nature and nurture” as it were. So, having family members with BPD certainly increases your likelihood of developing it as well.

As I said in the ask I answered above, cluster B PDs have a lot of overlap. Craving an FP doesn’t invalidate your having ASPD, nor does it mean that you therefore must also have BPD. Having traits of another disorder is not uncommon nor unheard of, and the desire for that level of comfort and reliance on another person doesn’t make your PD any less real.

If you say you’ve been manipulating your therapist and you don’t want to drop your “mask,” then I say you have two options. Suck it up, drop the mask, and talk to your therapist openly and honestly. Admit you lied about things and that you want to work on getting better and moving past the things you were hiding before. Your therapist might be surprised, but won’t be upset. Your other option is to just find a new therapist and start from scratch. Be honest from the get-go. I know myself, and I know I would much rather just come clean to my original therapist, but you and I are different people, so, hey, what do I know?

Your therapist is there to help you. They can’t help if they don’t know there’s a problem. And you don’t have to say, “Hey, remember when I said all this stuff? I was lying!” You can start the conversation instead by saying, “Hey, I said this stuff before, but I didn’t mean, I just wasn’t ready to talk about [x]. I think I’m ready now.” It’s your therapist’s job to understand and to work with you. They’re not there to make judgements. They can’t help you if you don’t talk. That’s what you’re there for. So talk!

I hope this helped in some way, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. Like I said, I’m not the most informed about ASPD. I sincerely wish you luck, though, as you continue to work towards recovery and getting the help you need <3

-Sydney

[chisatowo]

Got bored so I just went ahead and started making answers to the oc ask game questions for all of the eternal gales kids so uh here's all of their answers to the first one

1: Who makes up your family? How close are you to them?

Dancer: uhhh family…. Family…. Wait wait ok I thiiiink Shoe told me about that…. I'm still not entirely sure what a family is, but I'm pretty sure he said that Busy and I are sort of one so I guess her? If so, then yeah I'd say we're definitely close!! We've been living together our whole lives, so I'd hope that we like each other hahaha

Busy: I don't know what that is.

Tali: oh oh oh yeah I can answer this!!! I used to live with my parents and sister, but then they died and we moved in with our shared grandparents, and then they divorced and I decided to stay with my grandma, and now she's dead and I get the whole place to myself babey!!!! It's boring as hell to live by yourself in the middle of nowhere though, but hey me and Aris still talk online sometimes! 

Shoe: my two siblings of course!!!! I can't imagine not having them by my side (Sock: we literally can't not be by each other's side dipshit) yeah exactly!!! But also it is because I care about you guys :) (Snek: wow Sock I can't believe you thought Shoe didn't know he was a conjoined triplet) (Sock: shut it) 

Snek: anyways, yep it's just the three of us!!! These two can be brats sometimes, but I'd kill for them! (Sock: that doesn't mean that much she kills all the time) well yeah, for hunting. I mean I'd like… I dunno defend you guys from danger or whatever (Shoe: you also do that all the time) oh come on you get what I mean! 

Sock: I don't see why this needs to be answered by all of us, but my answer is about the same as the other two. I do wish Snek would stop hogging the phone all the time though. (Snek: he says that but he usually gets too frustrated trying to use it without my help and gives it back within minutes anyways) I could bite you right now you know. (Snek: I could too you're not special) 

Fydd: oh my mom is the best!!!! She's so cool, and let's me stay up late sometimes to chat with my friends when I'm lonely and she's at work, and sometimes she'll take me out to explore the dump and look for cool stuff!!!! Oh, and then there's Bloom, she's my little sister! She's kind of a pushover, which is why I try realllllly hard to protect her from any scary people! Oh, one time I used my cool powers to stop some trash at the dump from falling on her!!! It was really cool, but then we got in trouble for going out without mom's permission, so that sucked….. 

Sier: got a dad and older brother. My brother is pretty cool, and my dad…. Well we don't really talk much, I generally try to avoid the guy. 

Helmet: family? Is that one of the human dynamics? I'm sorry, but I'm not really familiar with the concept….. 

Bloom: ummmm…. Fydd says he's my older brother, and that his mom is my mom, so they're my family I think! Fydd is really really fun, and he's shown me lots of cool things! I'd like to show him some cool things too, but his mom says we aren't allowed to go too far away from his house…. 

Aris: well, I'll spare you my life story, but I currently live with my grandfather and no one else. I have a sister, but she chose to live with my grandmother when our grandparents divorced, so I haven't gotten the opportunity to see either of them in person in several years. I don't care much about my grandma, but I do worry about my sister…. I suppose it's not worth dwelling on, she made her choice. 

Beats: oh no, this is one of the human dynamics I'm pretty sure. If I'm remembering this one correctly, I don't think we have any even remotely clean equivalents to it. I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but I find a lot of the human dynamics to be incredibly confusing. They're all just so…. Vague. And contradicting. This one in particular is frustrating because it covers several dynamics that each are equally complicated and confusing. 

Sprinkles: oh yeah Aris tried to explain this one to me, but I don't really get it. Apparently most of the others don't get it either, so I guess it's not just me being stupid for once, so that's good! 

Butter: family….? The word rings a bell, but I can't recall it's meaning from the top of my head, apologies. I will need to go over some of my notes later I suppose. 

Dodie: wow, ok that's…. A complicated question. And a personal one, so I don't think I'll go into much detail. Have a mom, sort of, but she's dead and has been dead my whole life, so there's not much to touch on. 

Alpha: shit man don't make me actually have to remember something Beats has ranted about, fuck off 

Looser: hmmm…. I dunno. 

Mason: we don't have those here. 

Mase: nnnope. We don't have time to unpack all of that. 

[figliadamore]

Do You Feel Lucky...Well?

January 11th, 2020 - 2 pm -

IN PROGRESS

Mari breezes into the living room, seeing Porter on the couch plopping onto it, moving the fishbowl - filled with brightly colored folded over paper strips - in between her thighs as she presses her lips against the nearly overflowing glass of wine, softly sucking it up some. Folding her fingers into a fist Mari lightly knocks along Porter's temple, "Soooo, don't know if you heard......? We're getting MARRIED in like a year....a yearrrrr...and some change, willllld, right?" Mari utters out, after squinting some as she tries to narrow down the exactness of the math before saying "fuck it", slapping a hand along the side of the fish bowl, "Perfect time for working out the kinnnnnnks and all that shit, so I sourced some questions we should Know beforehand so we can....have our own lil think tank Moment..." tilting her glass a bit back as she takes a fuller drink, momentarily closing her eyes as she focuses in on the flavors, swaying from side to side trying to jostle the papers within the glass with her thighs before just electing to set her glass down and give it a full shake up, setting it back between her crossed legs as she looks over at Porter, her lips briefly flitting upwards in coy amusement. "Readyyy?"

Porter relaxes on the couch, leafing through his winter break reading once again as he gets prepared for returning to class on Monday, mulling over the theories presented in his head, until he sees Mari, a smile forming on his lips as he takes in the fishbowl and the whole prospect of it, intriguing him. Moving to draw Mari into a slow, warm greeting kiss, lingering in it for a moment, his then pulls back, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Now I'm ready," he affirms, the smile still present on his lips as he waits for Mari to begin.

A breathy half-suppressed chuckle reverberating through as she softly presses her lips together, looking over him a few beats a gentle warmth residing within her as she slowly draws back, moving her hand into the bowl, "Gooood, I'll start..." She says back, with a quick flash of a wink, taking a paper out, unfolding it as she lets out another low chuckle, through her closed lips. "Speaking of kinkssss....How often do you think we need to be intimate and how are we going to communicate it to another if our needs change?" Mari reads out, her attention flickering back over to Porter as she lightly crushes the paper between her fingers.

Porter takes in the question before him, moving to consider it fully before looking in Mari's eyes. "I think there is no set amount, that it should be as it feels right for us, as the moment calls to us, and what is important is that if we wish for more intimacy, or less, to speak fully and freely with each other about it, to let our souls guide us, but to always trust each other, to speak forth whatever is concerning us," he offers back to her. "What do you think?"

Mari's lips slowly curl into a cheeky grin as she listens to Porter's answer, taking it in, as she matches his gaze. "I thiiiink, they meant in general, not just..." Mari naturally trails off as she pushes her lips out some, moving her arm in a circle as she acts out riiiiiiidin' it, causing a laugh to bubble out of her as she eventually stops, "Soooo, my everyday thing, hmmmm, now that I think about it, holds trueeee...I think we're gooood on That front, regardless, so I think that's a plus one for us...soooo, go ahead...pick the next one..." Mari encourages, moving her thighs a bit to make that much more tantalizing to draw the next q.

“Should we call them up to see what they meant?” Porter teasingly replies back, pulling The Look as he cocks his eyebrow up, before a laugh begins to escape him at seeing the whole display, moving to curb it so he could fully take in Mari’s answer, a smile peeking onto his lips once again. He then reaches his hand into the fishbowl, slowly, teasingly swirling his hand in it, letting the paper get mixeeeeeeed, before he lithely picks up a paper between his fingers, slowly drawing it out of the fish bowl, holding it up for Mari to read out.

Mari's lips curl upwards as she leans over to grasp hold of her glass, letting out a low 'ooooOoOo' as Porter goes mixing insideeee, her eyes slowly squinting as she reads the question about to kid or not to kid, why, and the bonus values to pass on caveat, moving her hand over Porter's wrist, as she leans in closer, "You knowwww...this is the Part where you're meant to read it out, they don't have tit for tat in nerdom academy?" Mari questions, with another curl of a smile as she presses her side against the couch, taking another drink.

Porter moves to flip the question back to take it in himself, even though he kind of wanted Mari to surprise him with what he chose, clearing his throat in a playfully dramatic fashion, before reading it out in his best professional tone. “Do you want children, and, if so, what Values do you want to instill upon them?” He offers to Mari, a small grin crossing his lips once he breaks his serious professional character while reading and awaits her answer.

The edges of Mari's lips quirk upwards as she hears Porter clear his throat, taking a slow drink from her glass swishing around the wine a biiiit before swallowing it as he reads on, leaning forward to grasp his wrist again angling down to playfully bite on the goooouch part of his hand, tugging a bit on it. "Yeahhhh," She lowly breathes out as she leans her elbow on the back of the couch, looking over at him, "At least two, to a whole ass house, I wannt...them to have a strong sense of Family, like, to go hard for one another even if fight like cats and dogs or some shit at the end of the day there's this....sense of...." Mari looks up a bit as she squints her eyes trying to think of the exact word, clapping her hand against her thigh, "...of a tribe, knowing...at the end of the day they rideeee the fuck out for each other, that everyone does, and it's everything, I want them to go to church so...you know, there's that, that connection too, Honesty is another big one, Loyalty, to the ones they care about, buuuut to Themselves, right...mmm...Tenacity, Perseverance, not to let Anyone dim their glow, their shineee, stop them from whatever they want out of life, Ever." Mari's lips slowly, softly, edge upwards again as she presses her palm along Porter's, her fingers softly moving against his own. "Empathy, Compassion, y'know...the classics...or whatevaaaaa..." She lowly murmurs out, fluttering a meaningful look over to him.

Porter intently takes in Mari's words, a resonance moving through him as she continues on, a smile peeking through onto his lips as he hears all she has to say, before taking her hands in his own. "I want something like that, too, something for our children where they always know they belong, are loved, that we're all always there for each other, and I'd want them to know they are limitless, and there is no dream too big to dream, and none I wouldn't help them in any way I could for them to achieve," he responds in kind, before he mulls over one part of what Mari had said that is more unfamiliar to him. "What's it like...growing up going to church?" He inquires, the one part of what Mari had shared that was a bit foreign to him, with how he grew up. "I...know Uncle Dwight went, and you meet Emerson there, but...Mom never went, never took me herself."

Mari finishes off her glass of wine no more setting it down before Porter grasps hold of both of her hands, looking intently at him as her lips slowly curl upwards as he speaks, a deep love warming through her, as her heart melts, pushing her lips to the side as she lightly licks them a bit, "Wait, "Our" kids, who said? That's a little...Presumptuous." She lowly teases out, a twitch of a cheeky smirk peeking until she hears the question about church, recalling how he had been when they had went for Mass Christmas Day, "It was mmm, boring, cheesy sometimes?" Mari recalls, the instances of when she had wished to be anywhere, mostly, in her bed, instead of waking up and being squished next to Val for twenty minutes and not being able to talk and....her lips twitching as her mind moves to...hm. "But, it was fun too, the fashioooon, the Community, y'know? Being there with Them, having a connection to something Bigger, to Them, it's...I wouldn't trade it, Catholic "Guilt", and all..."

"It's what I want," Porter honestly replies in response, a smile peeking onto is full lips, before intently taking in Mari's whole recollection of church and what it entailed. "Maybe we can try going again together?" He ventures, wanting to see more of it, this part of her life and her experiences there, which he hadn't ever quite had anything to compare it to.

Mari's lips softly crinkle upwards as she hears Porter speak about it being something he wanted, "And, what about what *I* want?" Mari purrs out in response, licking her lips a bit as she draws back a bit with the mention of going to Church, taking a deep drink from her glass, "Well, next time we go back to visit Aunt Fi and everybody or...if we move there? Sure, she will be ahahahappppppy to Oblige." She declares with a swirl of amusement, raising her glass at the mention.

"What do you want?" Porter asks back, a bit of warm sincerity as he looks at her, wanting to know as he moves his hand over hers, before giving a nod of his head. "We can go back soon to look at schools?" He offers to her, a smile moving onto his lips.

A soft hmph moves out of Mari as she softly moves her thumb along the side of Porter's hand, "Truueeee..." She agrees, looking over to him with a energetic flash of a spark swirling through her eyes, as she agrees, that and so much more, the edges of her lips twitching up a bit, as her mind rewinds back to his earlier question. "A Kiss...for starters."

Porter slowly, warmly, fully draws Mari into a kiss as he tilts her chin up so their lips met, lingering in the moment, the feeling of it, as he channels the depths of his own feelings into it.

[esseastri]

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 9)

Happy New Year, y’all.

“Heavy Fuel” by Dire Straits is a punk!Dalinar song, sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Part 9 encompasses pages 666-753 (previous parts)

Pray for the mountain internet, please, that it lets me do this liveblog without dropping tumblr every five minutes.

okay, but Elhokar is drawing a map and I’m suddenly vaguely desperate for Elhokar/Eshonai map buddies.

I s2g every time someone calls him “the bridgeman” I just hiss protectively. HE HAS A NAME

oh snap his baby’s name is Gavinor. that’s... listen bud, your dad doesn’t deserve to have anyone named after him, sorry.

“Nice work, Elhokar.” *Gloryspren* THIS CHILD NEEDS MORE ENCOURAGEMENT, PLS, HELP HIM. BE KIND TO HIM. HUG HIM.

“Storming lighteyes, Veil thought as she watched [the food distribution].” YEAH HON, THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, NORMALLY.

Okay, no, not quite--Shallan would probably not go so far as to send her servants to get food that could be given to the poor instead of rich people, but like... the principle stands. Shallan does not recognize her own privilege half the time, and I guess?? that “Veil” noticing it... might? be a step in the right direction? But... probably not until she fuses her multiple identities back into one person.

And that doesn’t seem like it’s happening any time soon.

HOID

WHY ARE YOU WEARING SADEAS COLORS? 

aw yis. storytime.

Aight, can Hoid see through Lightweaving, or can he just recognize Shallan by like... her stance and the way she moves or? HOW COOL IS HE, IS WHAT I’M ASKING HERE.

“You look like you could use the opportunity to buy me something to eat.” HOID, PLS.

“I’m not stupid enough to get mixed up in religion again.” Again. Hoid, wth does that mean.

but dear god, Hoid as a Herald would be hilarious.

THE LAST SEVEN TIMES HE’S TRIED IT. WTH, HOID, OH MY GOD.

“The sum total of stupid people is somewhere around the population of the planet. Plus one.” “Plus one?” “Sadeas counts twice.” GOD BLESS, WIT.

wait, so he wasn’t lying about the promise? About “always being there when needed” but not always knowing where or why? hm. Interesting concept. That I kind of love and wish I’d thought of first.

“Who came with you?” “Kaladin, Adolin, Elhokar, some of our servants.” I thiiiink the other bridgemen would take offense at that, but sure. Whatever.

I’m...intensely amused that chapter 69 is titled “Free Meal, No Strings.” Because I’m eleven and crude as fuck.

Idk, Kaladin, they have a point: the world is ending, so you might as well party. You can be miserable and afraid, or you can be partying and afraid. I’d go with the second.

OH OOOHHHHH OH ADOLIN CALLED HIM “KAL” AND I DIED A LITTLE BIT INSIDE

MY BOY’S GOT FRIENDS AGAIN AND HIS FRIENDS ARE ADOLIN AND I’M CRY

(but dear god, the Kadolin is real)

Also, Adolin being stupidly happy about getting a new wardrobe is giving me life, I LOVE THIS RIDICULOUS FASHION BOY

HEHEHEH Adolin is going to bring Skar and Drehy pastries from the lighteyes party, that’S SO CUTE I LOVE THIS

“What?” “What what?” “You’re going drinking with bridgemen?” “Sure. Skar, Drehy, and I go way back.” “We spent some time keeping His Highness from falling into chasms.” I’M LIVING MY CROPS ARE FLOURISHING MY SKIN IS CLEAR THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME I LOVE THIS I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

“He felt good lots of days. Trouble was, on the bad days, that was hard to remember. At those times, for some reason, he felt like he had always been in darkness, and always would be. Why was it so hard to remember? Did he have to keep slipping back down? Why couldn’t he stay up here in the sunlight, where everyone else lived?”

The Megan-and-Kaladin-Think-the-Same-Exact-Way-and-It’s-Both-Comforting-and-Terrifying Trend continues. 

Sometimes people ask me why he’s my favorite and I just. Have literally never related more strongly to another person ever, real life or fictional. It’s wild.

ADOLIN COMING TO CHECK ON KALADIN WHEN HE FALLS BEHIND WORRYING.

THERE IS TOO MUCH. STORMING. KADOLIN. IN THIS BOOK.

I love that the phrase “and you’re lighteyed today” is a normal thing now. That it changes and he can just. change it. and they’ve all accepted it. I love it.

PUNCHY GUYS.

IT’S THE ACADEMIC TERM

SWORDY FELLOWS OR SPEARISH CHAPS. AXALACIOUS BLOKE.

bless these two nerds

“Adolin Kholin was simply a good person. Powder-blue clothing and all. You couldn’t hate a man like him; storms, you kind of had to like him.”

YOU REALLY REALLY DO. He’s infectious, this sunlight boy. And I adore him.

oh no

“Should have just gone to the party” YES YES YOU SHOULD HAVE. I’M WORRY.

also, why did the illusion wear off????? Shallan, what you do?

“The stew didn’t smell anywhere near as good as Rock’s.” HEHEH Nothing does, I’m sure.

I loooooove that Kaladin gets to tell the truth about Amaram now. Drag him, my boy.

the over-friendly wall guards are makin me nervous

I’m sure there are some good men here, and a lot of good soldiers, but... who are they and where did they come from and why are they all lighteyes and.... I have sooo many questions.

......I don’t remember if the squires’ eyes turn light when they’ve been flying with Kaladin.

I don’t think they do, but I don’t remember, and now I’m thinking...maybe the highmarshal is. some kind of Radiant whose squires are all...lighteyes?

hm

AAHH!!!!??? AAAHH!!???? A LADY SHARDBEARER!!!!!?? A LADY!!!!

Okay. That was a pretty dang good speech.

But who is shhheeee

Is she a radiant or is that an Honorblade???

Mmmmmm, Kaladin also thinks she’s a Radiant, but WHICH KIND? If she’s got a bunch of squires, it could be Windrunner, but... dangit, I just... really want to meet a Stoneward.

“In every way, she was the perfect Alethi wife--and her unhappiness crushed his soul.” IT SHOULD. SHE DESERVES BETTER.

I’m reaaaally glad that Evi recognized the Thrill as a bad thing. A monster crouching in her husband’s body.

“...the Thrill was your reward.” Reward? Dalinar, listen to your wife. Please. That is not a reward.

Dalinar, look at you go. You did try this before, the talking thing. You are talking to this angry kiddo, and you’re bad at it, but you’re trying. This isn’t very punk!Dalinar of you. I like it. I can see the bits of presentday!Dalinar poking through the Thrill-encrusted shell of punk!Dalinar. I like it.

This is such interesting character movement, gaahh.

Evi still deserves better though. “Because of a good woman’s tears” ugh the fridge doors are slowly swinging shut, aren’t they?

whhhhhhhhaaaaat

I mean, I’m not surprised, because it’s Sadeas and he’s Sadeas and of course he’s a fucking traitor, but

whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaat

...........gross.

Shallan needs to stop getting killed, please. This is really gross.

NO, DON’T TRY TO TALK WITH A CROSSBOW BOLT IN YOUR FACE PLEASE THIS IS REALLY UNNECESSARY

I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS LEVEL OF HORROR NOVEL PLEASE TAKE IT BACK, BRANDON.

Kaladin “Good at Making Friends” Stormblessed being all sheepish at making friends easily when it took so much effort to make friends with Bridge Four, like... listen, buddy. YOU are excellent at making friends and these guys were all ready to be friends with you. The Bridge was not ready and you had to wear them down with your charm, and you did, and doesn’t that make it all the more precious that you are friends with them?

Also, I miss them. Are my boys okay, Brandon? How are they doing?

omg, Adolin, pls. Yellow?

The Wall Guards making fun of Adolin’s new wardrobe is DELIGHTFUL.

Kaladin: HELLO, FELLOW LIGHTEYES, FOR I AM SURELY A LIGHTEYES, YES INDEEDY, LOOK AT MY VERY LIGHT EYES.

Hi, I love Kaladin, I am not sure you know this about me.

“Yes, his suit was a little bright--but if they would merely spend five minutes talking to him, they’d see he wasn’t so bad.”

Kaladin.

Babe.

You’ve come. So. Far.

I’m so proud of him, oh my god.  

mmmm this food shipment stuff is so weeeiiirrd. where is it coming from? why is it going?? uuugghhhhh

Part of me is like, “I love that they call Azure ‘sir’ and use male pronouns because there is no gender on the battlefield! Everyone gets treated equal!” and most of me is like “fuck this, she’s a fucking lady in command and she deserves to be known.”

also, wtf, she had them attack a monastery? Okay, I get it, you want to control the Soulcaster, but like.... you didn’t just go in there a kill a buncha monks for it, did you?

OKAY, SO MAYBE IT IS AN HONORBLADE THAT WAS DEF MY THOUGHT

but which one.

We have the Skybreaker one.......so whose is this?

Unless it’s not.

I’m

confused. and worried.

Tell me things, Brandon!

OH. But then she wouldn’t need the Soulcaster...if she had an Honorblade for Soulcasting... so she went and got the Soulcaster to...keep up appearances? Hm.

....is it awkward that Stormlight Archive has, so far, been the story of several people slowly becoming atheist (Jasnah, Dalinar) or agnostic (Kaladin) as their lives fall to pieces around them and they slowly rebuild?

Kaladin is a Good, guys.

The best.

omg, okay, but the Swiftspren is just.... LISTEN, BRANDON, YOU CAN’T GO MAKING SHALLAN A ROBIN HOOD. DON’T DO ME LIKE THIS.

I feel so bad for Elhokar.

Buddy just needs some hugs, okay.

Okay, I know logically that Roshar is Bad At Horses, but somehow it never occurred to me that they wouldn’t have archers trained on horseback. Mounted archer is just... such a very Alethi thing, especially non-Shattered Plains Alethi. I didn’t realize, but of course they wouldn’t have that. Horses are too rare.

aight, I didn’t really think Sadeas had betrayed them THIS early on, but STILL, I was so hoping...

Still, rockslide ambush is... a pretty solid strategy for dealing with a Shardbearer.

Sucks for his elites tho. They did not deserve that. That’s shitty.

“They must know the punishment for broken oaths.” Huh. Even back then...

“for none shall remain to weep.” #YIKES, my dude. y i k e s.

punk!Dalinar needs to take a chill pill.

And maybe get some sleep.

Listen, if the Thrill is telling you not to sleep, yOU SHOULD PROBABLY SLEEP.

also, any time you are actually LISTENING to SADEAS? You should probably rethink your life and your choices.

Just saying.

So... presentday!Dalinar had a conversation with Taravangian, about sacrificing the few to save the many. That’s...sort of what Taravangian’s entire plan for world domination salvation rests on. But now here...at the Rift. This is 100% Sadeas’ argument: sacrifice the ten thousand commoners living in the Rift to make an example of their highlords to stop any rebellion further down the timeline that might result in more soldiers’ deaths. Which gives ...a really fascinating insight into just how incredibly far Dalinar has come. past!Dalinar is literally employing the exact plan that Taravangian is trying to do on a worldwide scale, and so he knows it. He understands the consequences that Taravangian can’t know and can’t anticipate and refuses to consider. And present!Dalinar learned from this, and knows what end these means lead to and...refuses. To do it again.

It’s SUCH an interesting character progression. And it’s absolutely fascinating to see it laid out in this order--to see the good, honorable man we know and love first and to see this...monster that he was and see exactly how very much he’s grown... It doesn’t excuse this bad period, the good he’s doing now, but maybe it explains it a little bit. Dalinar is getting a redemption arc and we didn’t even realize that he needed one until he’s almost done with it.

And that’s some badass non-linear storytelling for you.

Also past!Dalinar can get fucked by a cactus, holy shit, what an unbelievable fuck.

nooooo wonder Kadash leaves and becomes an ardent.

hoooooly shit.

“We’ve gone too far.” YA FUCKING THINK??

Meanwhile, Sadeas: “Nonsense!”

Fuck Sadeas, uuugghhhh I’m so glad he’s dead. UUGGHHH

what

the

fuck

THAT JUST HAPPENED.

Fun facts, y’all, the refrigerator is now on fire.

hoooollly fucking shiiiiiiit

WELP

[tahlreth]

Questions for the Blogger!

I fucking love these so much guys, it’s ridiculous. Was tagged a while ago by @accio-stark, which thank you thank you, but October is a shit month until Halloween, so it took me some time to gather myself enough to do it.

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better.

1. Nicknames: Cait, Caity, KTPT

2. Gender: Female

3. Star sign: Pisces

4. Height: 5′3” on a good day, 5’2” on a slouchy, ‘I hate everything day’

5. Time: 5:11 PM

6. Birthday: March 1

7. Favorite bands: Okay, I mostly do show tunes these days, so I’mma go with musicals instead, kay? Current favorite musicals to listen to are ‘Newsies’ (Broadway version, tho the movie version is also a favorite), ‘Finding Neverland’, ‘Into the Woods’, ‘Chess’, and ‘Songs for a New World’.

8. Favorite solo artists:  Reba McEntire (ALWAYS <3), Kelsea Ballerini, Tim McGraw, Martina McBride, apparently any country singer with a ‘Mc’ at the start of their last name...

9. Song stuck in my head: ‘Not While I’m Around’ from Sweeney Todd

10. Last movie I watched:  Iron Man 3

11. Last show I watched: Um, currently immersed in ‘Press Buttons ‘N Talk’ episodes because they make me giggle and I’ve been having a shitty month. Other than that, I guess Teen Wolf? Maybe? I did watch ‘The Lead’ with Jake Tapper a couple days ago, I think.

12. When did I create my blog: Uh. Like. A year and a half ago. Ish? I think?

13. What do I post/reblog: Looots of Marvel/Tony Stark stuff, cat-related silliness, anything that catches my eye. I’d like to call it an ‘eclectic’ blog, but I think it probably verges into ‘wildly, chaotically disorganized’ instead.

14. Last thing I googled: … stuff. Research stuff. For smut writing reasons. Who wants to know?

15. Do I have any other blogs: Just one that I made a shit-ton of content for then never set up a queue to post because I am ruled by my anxiety, depression and laziness.

16. Do I get asks:  Sometimes prompts that I take too long to answer, otherwise not as many as I’d like. I’m not super good at coming off approachable/friendly/interesting. XD

17. Why I chose my url: Well, I’d started a ‘Tahlruil’ blog (which is my username pretty much anywhere else unless someone else gets it first) years and years ago, but when I wanted to really start one up and actually, you know, use it, I’d forgotten the password and no longer had access to the email that I’d made it with. I figured it was easier to just start a new one. ‘Tahlruil’ basically means ‘noble blade’, and ‘Tahlreth’ is almost as fun with a meaning of ‘arcane blade’, and I figured it was similar enough to kinda be a bit more obviously connected to my AO3 Tahlruil account.

18. Following: Uh… couple few hundred?

19. Followers: Like. 300. Ish? Mebbe?

21. Lucky number:  8 is the best number and anyone who doesn’t agree can fight both me and my OCD.

22. Instruments: I can play the trumpet (sort of, though my technique used to revolve around ‘mash lips really hard against the mouthpiece to play higher notes), and because of that I can play the baritone/euphonium (preferred instrument that is not my vocal chords, because despite it’s awkward appearance it’s one sexy-sounding instrument) and the tuba. Could manage the trombone if the fucking positions weren’t so confusing/hit or miss. I can get pleasant-ish sounds out of a clarinet and a flute, but I’m shit at remembering the positions for those too - I’m a simple girl. I like three buttons with maaaybe a fourth when I’m feeling fancy, lol. I can also stumble through simple things on the piano, but I’m pretty shit at it - mostly use that for learning songs for singing. I FUCKING LOVE TO SING, OKAY, so that’s my absolute favorite instrument. I’m… okay at it? People tell me I’m pretty good, but I think I suck, so I feel like ‘okay’ is a nice average of the two positions that I’m comfortable claiming.

23. What am I wearing: Pink and gray plaid pajama pants and a white, pink and gray shirt with ‘love’ on it that I bought one day when I needed to work but didn’t have any clean shirts that were appropriate to wear in.

24. Dream job:  I don’t even fucking know, man.

25. Dream trip: I REALLY want to go to Ireland, maybe Scotland, England and Wales .

26. Favorite food: Rice pilaf.

27. Nationality: American.

28. Favorite song right now:  Uhmmm… probably ‘Stilettos’ by Kelsea Ballerini

29. Last book I read: I thiiiink it was ‘Honor’s Paradox’ by P.C. Hodgell, who is a fucking amazing author that everyone should read.

30. Fictional Universe you’d want to join: Uhhhhm. MCU, Dragon Age, or the world of the Kencyrath that is detailed in the series by P.C. Hodgell? Maaaybe one of the universes created by Tamora Pierce? Dude, idk, because like… I’d end up being one of the boring ‘normal’ people and things historically Do Not Go Well for them in all of the universes that I find compelling.

No pressure if you don’t like these/just don’t wanna! I am tagging: @kiernaserea @ineffablewitch @orbingarrow @orange-kremsicle @rayshippouuchiha @ragequeen89 @fuckingnonions @one-pound-milagro @captainstarkreportingforduty, @captain-amoruca, @xtaticpearl, @all-myfandomtears, @too-many-fandoms-to-list, @tinnitusismymuse, @ anyone else who just wants to do this???

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW1

Our Transfers, Captains, Benches, and Starting 11s for the week.

WOW HOLY SHIT GW1 IS HERE!!!!!! OK let’s do it. Let’s just ship these lambs out there -- sorta feels like sending your child out to university... Here are our GW1 full squads:

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

GK:

Alisson an actual Friday morning tinker in. My wife, my lovely wife, looked over at my computer screen and pointed to Ederson saying "I don't like this one.” Last time she did this was during fantasy world cup when she pointed to a one Robert Lewandowski. Naturally I ignored her, with a grin, thinking heh you're fucking dumb you don't even know the rules of football. Little did I know the joke was on me. Well, universe, I have rectified this situation. Alisson is in, will make more saves than Ederson anyway, and, freeing up a City spot for a potential attacker is a little bit cool. Idk.

DEF:

Am on the double pool with Robbo and aforementioned Alisson. Robbo doesn't need much explaining.

Mendy is in, another who hasn't left in a while.

Fat ass fuck Luke Shaw is in my team. I don't want to say much about it. Little bit of diversification and looking at my team I have 0 short term punts so seems I can afford one. It is cool to have the best left back in Europe according to his manager in my team anyway I think? Having a United defender is deece, but fucking hell Luke Shaw. Dunno how I got here. God help me.

MID:

Mo is in, obv.

Eriksen I have stood by through thick and thin. Looking forward to enjoying his steady stream of points.

Ozil I have also somehow managed to keep in through all the tinkering. In the end, he makes me happy. One of my favorite players in the world I just can't get enough of the mantis king. Very nervous about the opening two fixtures for him, but after that, should be smooth sailing. Really hope he just gets 1 assist in first 2 just to keep me calm. We'll see. Overall I just feel like he's going to have a quality season like old times, get assists, get baps, not get illnesses. One time. 

Fourth guy is Jota. Had to have the soup of the day. Helder felt okay and I had him in for a while but in the end the downgrades in defense felt palatable in order to get me into the Jota / 6.5m midfield bracket. Expecting big things for the young lad Diogo this year.

FWD:

Kun is in. Love love love him.

Arnie is in. Love love love him.

Couple great guys just ready to get fantasy points. Really not a ton to say about the lads. Arnie despite bad fixtures I still expect to be in there with some goals hitting on the counter. Feels fine. Kun is Kun.

I have Aboobs Kamara in as third forward. The farthest thing from possible nailedness but could get a couple starts early doors...which is when I need him with bad couple Palace fixtures. He's been good in preseason so let's see if that can translate.

Very annoying with an attacker going against almost literally every one of my four clean sheet possibilities, but, sometimes that's how they line up. Low ceiling for GW1 here...but marathon not a sprint....right? Fack.

CAP:

Mo. Never in doubt.

BENCH:

Stek... Stek is whatever. Ownership is almost 5%..a bit high..but at least he's actually second choice on a somewhat good team which is more than can be said for the other 4.0 GKs.

4.5m midfield is actually a sinkhole of fuck this year. I spent more time than I usually do figuring out which to go for and the wheel has spun and landed on sir Phillip of house Billing. Very nervous about taking up a precious Huddersfield TOWN spot..lol..but he chipped in a couple assists in preseason and appears to have a spot until / unless he loses it. Not as if they have a stacked squad with much comp anywhere, so we'll see. He showed some flashes last season of some quality, so he's in. Really due to lack of another better option.

Last two guys for my bench this week are Sakho and Wannybiz. Dropped my love Patty van Aanholt down to Mom for money, but Mama will be solid. Bap machine should be a solid option for the first couple months as long as he doesn't die. Hopefully Wan keeps his spot and gets a couple price rises in the early going. Will probably not start him much but could see a couple games where I opt to throw 2x Palace defenders out there.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: N/A

IN: N/A

GK:

David de Gea.

I had him in last season from I thiiiink GW6 onwards and it was just the absolute best thing ever. Loads of cleans, loads of save points, and even some bonus points... Having a nailed top GK on the nailed biggest bus in the league driven by the world’s biggest bus merchant in the league seems good... Though I gotta admit paying 6m for GK feels a little disgusting...

United on the outside look kinda like a fucked up disaster mess but I’ll believe it when I see it. They’re still the second most expensive squad in the league by a large margin managed by Jose Mourinho. I think they’ll be fine...

On top of that I know that I probably will not want any United mids or fwds in my team looking ahead versus the opposite feeling for Liverpool / City mids and fwds which makes slotting DDG in ahead of Alisson / Ederson feel a little bit smarter there too.

DEF:

I’m a leftback fanatic. Completely love’em. Here we are then:

Mendy is in for me after being fit and positive in the community shield. There’s relatively no competition whatsoever for his starting place which feels amazing and even if there was Walker started basically every match when he was fit, doesn’t seem like Pep rotates fullbacks like Poch does... Love City for a ton of cleans again this season and if Mendy can replicate the form of his three starts last season then we can expect a lot of attacking intent to go alongside those cleans. Love it.

Robbo won the hearts over all Liverpool supporters (like me) last season by just being a complete psycho animal workrate beast while putting in great deliveries and defending well also. Best LB in the prem last season and I don’t think anybody in their right mind would dispute that... Liverpool defense was fantastic once VVD settled in and should be even better with a world class keeper in there too now. Robbo both put up terrific attacking stats and passing the eye-test with his crosses, overlaps, and scampers into the box. Been in my squad since day 1 and has not moved an inch.

Bavies was a late arrival as I shifted away from Bailly and then Smalling and then VVD to eventually land at Ben Davies... With Rose out rumors still flying and Poch’s complete and utter distaste for Danny I feel like Bavies is moving quite nicely towards locking down the spot as his own. As is, he didn’t play in the World Cup and was the guy last season... Spurs are kind of messy and have a lot of away fixtures but I feel like away Newc, away Man. United, away Watford are all pretty decent clean fixtures sprinkled in with home Fulham... When Bavies was regularly starting last season few defenders had more attacking intent. Sorta puntish but let’s get some huge double digit hauls Benny.

MID:

This week I’m rolling out 5 mids because I don’t really like the Palace fixture (Wan on my bench) for a cleansheet.

Salah has not moved since the first day of FPL opening. Easy pick there.

Ozil I waffled in and out of the side playing with Aubz, Mkhi, Laca, Rambo, etc etc because my love of Arsenal attack is very real... In the end Mkhi/Laca make each other not nailed, Rambo is still kinda knocked as usual but I have an eye on him, and Aubz I couldn’t lock down a team I felt good about with all three of Salah, Aubz, and Kun and Mo and Kun were nailed into my side. So here we are Ozil the god.. Hopefully Emery puts him in a good position to succeed and he can have a huge bounce-back year with a chip on his shoulder to waggle his cock in the faces of those racist German fucks.

Jota is almost beyond soup because we’re both so high on him and a ton of people have him in... It feels to me like we’re getting a really seriously good player here in Jota who is essentially OOP forward. He may not start centrally regularly - surely sometimes he will - but he’s also not a “wide winger” he’s very much a left sided forward or wide forward/striker so it’s still sort of out of position. Wolves should be pretty good and pretty fun and Jota is the main fucking man. At worst there are tons of dudes at 6.5 slot to pivot to.

Lucas Moura found his way into my team as I came off of the teet of Mkhi and Bernardo Silva I found the Brazilian butt of Lucas quite comforting... He’s just a good punt to take. He’s always had good attacking numbers, good underlying numbers, and Spurs are obviously a top 6 team... With Son off to the Asian Games after GW1 Lucas should have this spot nailed down for at least a month or so and with pretty good attacking fixtures I like the punt here a lot. It’s definitely a punt but there are a lot of guys to pivot to when the time comes and he’s a good player on a good team who is nailed. Ticks a lot of boxes.

Lastly gonna roll out Cairney this week. If I think it’s a bad fixture for a Palace clean then surely I feel better about starting Cairney then Wan-B this week... Cairney is a good guy, we expect him on pens, and Fulham -- while they have their problems defensively -- should be a pretty good team going forward. Better then a lot of people expect I think... Fulham also reinforced the midfield with two really good CDMs to play behind Cairney to let him just push forward and pull the strings which to me is really positive. 5.0 for what I expect to be a nailed #10 on a middleish quality attacking team... who knows Cairney may just be a starter for me for a lot of the season... Or he might be awful and Fulham might suck and then he’ll be on my bench :).

FWD:

Kun has not moved for ages. Unfortunately he braced in the community shield and his ownership went up like 20%... but still yeah. He’s great. Best City attacker to own by a lot for me.

And I settled on Arnie too. I went off Chaz, I flirted with Tosun and even King, but in the end I’m going Arnie. The stats are so good. And I love Pellegrini and some of the transfers of West Ham and mostly I love the new Arnie we saw last season. From the moment he was playing striker on, a new Arnie was born who even when he blanked looked an incredible, unstoppable force. Some bad fixtures and some good fixtures I reckon Arnie is a set and forget at this time. Go on Arnie.

CAP:

Duh.

BENCH:

4.0 keeper I spent almost no time thinking about I just went with Hamer because I don’t know Huddy only have two guys listed and Lossl isn’t that good and whatever....

Kamara is the obvious 4.5 forward. I don’t think he’ll start many if any games especially with Fulham also bringing in Vietto but Kamara came off of the bench 22 times last season for Fulham which is nice to see... So even when he does not start he seems to be the attacker of choice to be brought on to change a game / get a return. About as good as you can hope for for a 4.5 forward.

Wan-Bissaka excellent pick, should be starting 4.0 defender on a solid side.

And sleeper last guy on my bench this week Trent Alexander-fucking-Arnold the legend god... I got to a point in my team where I could afford to cover Trent with both Cairney/Wan-B for a week or two whatever he needs and then after that once he gets in -- and I expect Trent to start the majority of matches -- he’s a ludicrously good value pick at 5.0, arguably best value pick in the entire game. Let’s not forget when he’s on the pitch he’s not just a marauding RB on a top team who will keep lots of cleans but he’s also on a lot of corners, indirect FKs, AND direct FKs... Just great. And a local lad too. <33333 Trent.

GO ON BOYS!!!!