#which i suppose means i won by default at least

[playingonedchess]

my bad. that should be brilliant barrister and set in bradford

well at least the wessternised version of ace attorney wasnt localised to the uk it probably wouldve been called super solicitor or something and set in slough

[luciddaydreamsstuff]

Desert Duo Doodles! I am in way too many fandoms to count, including content creators and whatnot. It wasn’t until a doodle of some CCs that I realised how many were MCYTs. But I wanted to draw these two cause I liked how I drew Scar in the other original doodle and have drawn Grian a bunch but constantly changed the design. Now I have one that I like.

Under the cut are the individual drawings plus stickers that I forgot to add to the original but decided fuck it it’s done, plus some explanation about design choices and headcanons. (Does anyone even care about that?) Idk and idc, I’ll ramble anyways.

(you don’t have to read the stuff, I don’t really care, but you can if you want)

First off, this one was annoying since it was supposed to be a hug. I was too lazy to draw the Third/Sercet Life outfits, so they are in their default outfits with crowns representing the fact that they won at least one of the Life games.

Ramble: For Grian’s design, I wanted to keep the bird/avian hybrid but also reference other series or past friend. The Life series has the poppy has memorabilia, the blue and red bracelet represents YHS/TS, and the eye necklace is for Evo. The tail is more so a mix of Watcher magic and Avian DNA, bird feet cause why not. The wing ears are hidden to look similar enough to his regular hair, I like to imagine that wing ears are a rarer trait and to not draw too much attention, he would use Watcher magic to change the colour of the wing ears to match his hair. The freckles are based off of the idea that Angel Dust’s freckles are actually just eyes (which were shown in the show), and I liked that idea. He didn’t have freckles before Evo but after in Hermitcraft he did, they are just eyes that are always closed though he can see out of them. It’ll be clearer in the next piece, but his eyes are based off of some bird eyes so a black sclera with coloured pupils. Grian just hides his eyes under his hair since they are more sensitive than normal. Also I didn’t wanna draw his eyes cause it was one of the things I kept changing before.

I’ll go into Scar later since it’s just a half body but he goes by the same rule of his outfit showing where he’s been. So the poppy and lavender for Third Life and the heart necklace for Secret Life. The earrings are based off of the crystals from Season 7.

Alter Egos! Or at least Hot Guy and Arianna Griande. Not much here, but you can see what I meant with the eyes beforehand.

Also, I can’t be the only one to notice or at least point out that Ari and Cute Guy have like the same or a least a very similar colour palette of pink and white.

Final one, and the two are taking a much needed nap. This could take place anywhere though I like to imagine somewhere in Double Life or somewhere between Season 7 - 10

(also I find it very funny how close these two’s bases were for Season 6 - 10. both were near each other in the futuristic district of season six, then next door neighbours at the start of season seven, I don’t need to mention much besides boatem in season eight, again near the start and most of season nine with Scarland and Grian’s timejump build, then finally again in season ten with Magic Mountain. just funny to me for some reason)

Ramble: Scar is like a hybrid between an elf/fae creature and a cat centaur (that I cannot remember the proper name for). The cat half is based off of Jellie, RIP, and his body is scarred because well I mean the dude is accident-prone it’s bound to happen. I imagine that Scar would wear slightly baggy outfits, like they hang off just a bit to not hug his figure. His hair is more based off of Season 9 with him leaning into the whole elf aesthetic, and I both hate and like the hair but whatever. Idk, I kinda just wanted to make him centaur based cause that visual isn’t something I see often. I imagine that hind legs are weaker than the front so he would switch between a cane and a wheelchair that you would see for animals. I might draw that later idk, but yea

If you actually took the time to read this incoherent mess, idk comment a content creator you like, no matter how niche they may be

[kobbers]

Hey there! Since you are a Leo fan I wanted to ask. What’s your opinion on Raph? I mean in general but I will say for 12 07 and 03 since those ass my favs.

In general? I love Raph. His archetypal role tends to be one of my least favorites in ensemble casts: impulsive, moody bad boys tend to get on my nerves. I simply don't find their angst and lack of self control Cool or Relatable, no matter how tragic their past is to justify their antisocial behavior.

Raph's frustration, however, comes from a place I can easily sympathize with - his family is on their own and in constant danger. You often get the feeling that he'd like to be part of society in some way, but he can't and that's stifling! The result is a core drive to protect the small circle of family and friends he does have, no matter the cost.

Though the human world is too dangerous to interact with openly, Raph still sees humans as fellow People, and will readily intervene on their behalf. He leaps boldly into action in part because he worries that indecision and delay will give the enemy more time to cause harm (of course, he also finds combat fun and fulfilling, which may occasionally get him into trouble). He may grumble and complain, but at his core Raph is a helper.

My favorite versions of Raph are the ones where he and Leo are almost too similar underneath their wildly different demeanors. Their conflicts usually come down to how they want to approach their goal, not on which goal to approach.

In fact, there's an argument to be made that in D&D terms, my ideal Raph and Leo could both be cast as paladins, with Leo as Oath of Devotion (focused on honor and protecting the innocent) and Raph as Oath of Vengeance (focused on justice and punishing the wicked). Mirage Raph, on the other hand, is 100% a barbarian. So I mean, there's a range of viable interpretations, and the character can be well-written anywhere within it. It's just that the more selfish Raph is, the less I will connect with him.

2003

I thought Blue Swords Guy was the coolest turtle as a toddler, and when I started watching 2k3 as a teenager, my general preference for straightforward paragon types led me quickly back to Leo. I liked Raph the least almost instinctively, purely based on role. But the show won me over on every single brother, and I couldn't even begin to rank a least favorite anymore. Even at his worst early in the show, Raph is just struggling with impulse control rather than relishing violence or being contrary for its own sake. Sometimes he might enter a fight too early or resist retreat, but he rarely enters a fight unnecessarily. He might hide his squishier emotions, but he clearly still feels them. It lays down that core of Raph-as-protector that softens him from his more troubled, bloodthirsty Mirage counterpart. A good bean, 10/10 favorite Raph, heavily influences what I want to see from the character in general.

2007

The general vibes of this movie are similar to 2k3, which is why it sometimes surprises people that it's supposed to be in the live action film continuity as a sort of TMNT 4.

It's weird as a whole though, because Raph was the director's favorite turtle and it shows - Leo makes a poor foil because he is simply written to be wrong (I HATE his "I'm better than you" line for many reasons, heheh). But in terms of how Raph reacts to everything the story throws at him, it all rings true to character. He's my favorite character in this movie kind of by default, because Leo and Splinter are ~off~ and Mike and Don are mostly just on quip duty. But that doesn't change that Raph's still legitimately solid.

2012

Honestly can't say much about this version - I only made it a season into this show due to general annoyances I had with the writing. I remember liking Sean Astin's vocal performance, at least. And I remember digging the premise of that one episode where Raph tries to be the leader and finds that he's way more comfortable acting on plans than making them.

[the-sun-and-the-sea]

How do you feel about the idea that Annie Cresta wasn't supposed to be a victor? Like. The thing that flooded the arena was a natural disaster. Not Finnicks influence, not anyone else's just a true blue natural disaster of an earthquake ravaging the arena and breaking the dam that flooded it. I just keep thinking there's no way the capital would have wanted her to win, and there's no way Finnick would have argued for her to survive after knowing what comes after. I just like the idea that Annie wasn't supposed to win.

I think this really depends on what you mean by "supposed to win."

Did the Capitol want Annie to win by the end? Probably not. She was an uncomfortable reminder of what the Games did to people and I can see the Capitol wanting to forget about her.

But I also don't like the idea that Annie just won by default, or that her victory was just handed to her, because I don't think that's true at all. First of all, we have no idea what Annie was doing before she witnessed her district partner get beheaded. She could have been a skilled Career. She could have been cleverly navigating the arena and making use of the terrain. Whatever she did, it was enough to get her to the flood in the first place. She stayed alive that long, which means she obviously fought for it in one way or another. And even the flood itself required so much strength to get through. Staying afloat that long after everything she's seen would be extremely difficult, but she did it.

That's an interesting point you bring up about Finnick's influence. Again, we know next to nothing about Finnick's involvement in Annie's victory. I know it's a popular trope that he was her mentor (and whether or not that's true is a discussion for another time), and even that he convinced the Gamemakers to flood the arena. But I think one of the most powerful themes of THG is that none of these events are predetermined. They just happen because things go wrong or people get unlucky. So I don't think Finnick had a direct hand in the flood or in Annie's survival.

However, if Finnick was her mentor, I think he would've been doing whatever he could to bring her home. Maybe the merciful thing would have been to let her die, knowing what will happen if she doesn't. But at this time, Finnick is nineteen/twenty years old. He's not going to choose to let her die when he could do something, because he wants to spare himself pain. And I don't mean to say that Finnick is selfish (although I think it's reasonable for a traumatized 19 year old to pick the option that hurts them the least), but Finnick is hurting. And if he had the chance to save someone and alleviate some of that guilt, I believe he'd take it.

So, what does it mean if a victor is supposed to win? Should any of the victors have been tributes in the first place? I don't think so, and I don't think Collins wants you walking away feeling like this should have happened to anyone.

Thanks for bringing this up, it's definitely an interesting point to consider!

[justatalkingface]

Just finished reading your Momo answer and... hoo boy do I have some things to say about Hori.

With how he writes his female characters, to be all soft, pretty faced, and waifu shaped cutouts, it just feels like the author is being a pervert.

(Looks at how Hori has claimed Mineta is his self insert in some way)

This is the kind of stuff that you should've grown out of doing AFTER puberty. To not think or write women this way because it's just feels misogynistic.

Sure there can be some exceptions to SOME degree. Like Uraraka, Mina, or even La Brava.

But they always tie back to something, to either be a love interest, a damsel in distress for a male hero to save, or just be mistaken to being in a relationship with someone older than her.

And I just have a funny feeling that even if BNHA ends and make more, this won't be the end of objecifying women and just making them gentle waifus.

Yeah. And the sad thing is, it started off so much better.

It's hard to remember these days, but between Momo getting hyped as a recommended student who is clearly smart, Uraraka saving Izuku right back in the Entrance Exam, and Asui being an integral part of getting off the ship in the first villain attack, it's like Naruto if Sakura took out the second mook ninja in the Wave Arc with Sasuke instead of just standing there the whole time.

It wasn't the best, sure, the guys clearly had more focus, but they were doing things, actually participating in fights, which really was more than girls got in most shonen, and that's the reason, I think, people clung so hard to the idea that, 'MHA does women better' even as it grew more and more clear that wasn't the case.

But now... it feels like they've all regressed. Uraraka has turned from the girl who interned with someone called Gunhead, eagerly learning some kind of MMA style, to being the Token Female Teammate, coded to support The Main Character and to be his waifu in the future... when she's not being randomly thrown half assedly into whatever the fuck is happening with with Himiko Toga and The Completely Bullshit Love Triangle. Momo is now rather meek rich girl who only stands out because she doesn't have to buy the things she gives everyone else, and Asui is... Ochako's appendage into the Toga story, so... what. Implying a harem for Izuku? I'm not sure Hori has even thought that far ahead with her beyond giving Uraraka some back up when she tries yet again to talk down Toga.

I mean, hell, for all that she's a living fetish wearing a skin-tight suit, at least Mt Lady won originally. Ever since that first chapter, though, I honestly don't think she's won a single fight she's been in on screen. These days she exists to hold back Gigantomachia while the more important people do literally anything else, before she inevitably fails because he's basiclly the Super Nomu version of her.

And just... at least back then, even if she was Default Unsavory Hero, she was a character. At this point, Mt Lady feels more like an somewhat sexualized background Hori puts up every once and awhile rather than a person.

That's not even getting into Mirko. From a broader perspective, Mirko is such a mixed bag, because on one hand, she's a brash, aggressive hero who brutally beats up her enemies, and as bad a fit as that is in setting for someone we're supposed to wholeheartedly support, she's a breath of fresh air compared to how passive and soft every other woman feels at times.

But on the other hand, she's a literal bunny girl that Hori seems to delight in using as a chew toy, and there's so much messed up with her seeming to exist solely to be his plaything.

Then, to top it off, post War Arc every new female character introduced seems to be made to fulfil one role before being discarded.

The longer the story goes on, the less they feel like people, and more like one or two character traits (unless you're Asui, who literally seems to be a prop at this point) in an aesthetically pleasing shape made to display them.

And considering how these final parts of the story seem to be nothing more than just the most basic plot points, made without the padding required for a decent story, the fact that they've all been reduced to these empty things is just so telling. If these are all women ultimately are in this bare bones vision of Hori's story, it doesn't feel like a woman will ever be anything more than that, no matter how much time he may spend on them in the future.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

enablers standing by

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

March 8, 2023

Heather Cox Richardson

Andrew Restuccia, Richard Rubin, and Stephanie Armour of the Wall Street Journal today published a preview of President Joe Biden’s budget, due to be released tomorrow. Their article’s beginning sent an important message. Biden’s budget plan, they wrote, will “save hundreds of billions of dollars by seeking to lower drug prices, raising some business taxes, cracking down on fraud and cutting spending he sees as wasteful, according to White House officials.” Those officials said that, over the next ten years, the plan would cut deficits by close to $3 trillion. Reflecting the needs of Ukraine to fight off the 2022 Russian invasion, as well as tensions with China, Biden will call for a larger defense budget. As he outlined yesterday, part of the budget plan will fund the Medicare trust fund for at least another 25 years, in part by increasing tax rates on people earning more than $400,000 a year. “That is not going to happen. Obviously he knows that,” Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT) told the Wall Street Journal reporters. “Republicans are not going to sign up for raising taxes.” Without a budget plan of their own to offer, House Republicans appear to be trying to steal the president’s thunder. They told Tony Romm of the Washington Post that they are getting ready for the House Ways and Means Committee to begin consideration tomorrow of a bill to prioritize the national debt in preparation for a national default. House Republicans continue to insist they will not vote to raise the debt ceiling to pay for expenses already incurred—many of them under Trump—thus forcing the U.S. into default for the first time in our history. They are suggesting they could rank the debts in order of importance, but as Brian Riedl, an economist at the Manhattan Institute, told Romm, the computer systems were written with the assumption the country would, in fact, pay its debts, and they do not have programs that would let them prioritize payments to one group or another. In any case, the White House has refused to negotiate over paying the nation’s bills. It remains eager to discuss the budget with Republicans and to negotiate over it—which is how the process is supposed to proceed—but insists the Republicans cannot hold the nation hostage by threatening a default that would spark an international financial crisis and destroy the American economy. Indeed, the willingness of the Republican Party to default on the country’s debt shows how thoroughly radicalized it has become. Even the Republican leaders who do not embrace the racism, sexism, religiosity, nihilism, and authoritarianism of the hard-core MAGA Republicans appear to believe they cannot win an election without the votes of those people. And so the extremists now own the party. They continue to support former president Trump, who at the Conservative Political Action Conference last weekend promised “those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution.” The party is now one of grievance and revenge, feeding on their false conviction that Trump won the 2020 election. The Fox News Channel was key in feeding that Big Lie, of course, and filings from the Dominion Voting Systems defamation lawsuit against the Fox News Network have revealed that Fox executives and hosts alike knew it was a lie. They continued to spread it because they didn’t want to lose their base. On Monday, Fox News Channel personality Tucker Carlson, who has found himself badly exposed by the Dominion filings, threw himself back into the Trump camp. He showed a false version of the January 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol, suggesting it was a mostly peaceful tourist visit rather than the deadly riot it actually was. Carlson’s false narrative was possible because House speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) gave Carlson exclusive access to more than 40,000 hours of video taken in the Capitol on that fateful January 6, illustrating that there is no daylight between the lies of the Fox News Channel and the House Republican leadership. Outrage over that transaction has sparked a backlash. Former officer of the Metropolitan Police Michael Fanone, who was badly injured defending the Capitol on January 6, published an op-ed at CNN saying he knew for certain that Carlson’s version of that day was a lie. “I was there. I saw it. I lived it,” Fanone wrote. “I fought alongside my brother and sister officers to defend the Capitol. We have the scars and injuries to prove it.” Former representative Liz Cheney (R-WY) tweeted that if the House Republicans want new January 6th hearings, “bring it on. Let’s replay every witness & all the evidence from last year. But this time, those members who sought pardons and/or hid from subpoenas should sit on the dais so they can be confronted on live TV with the unassailable evidence.” Senate Republicans also spoke out against Carlson’s lies. Minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) aligned himself with Capitol Police Chief Tom Manger, who called Carlson’s piece “offensive.” McConnell said: “It was a mistake, in my view, for Fox News to depict this in a way that’s completely at variance with what our chief law enforcement official here at the Capitol thinks.” Democrats, along with the White House, also condemned Carlson’s video. White House spokesperson Andrew Bates said the White House supported the Capitol Police and lawmakers from both parties who condemned “this false depiction of the unprecedented, violent attack on our Constitution and the rule of law—which cost police officers their lives.” Bates went on: “We also agree with what Fox News’s own attorneys and executives have now repeatedly stressed in multiple courts of law: That Tucker Carlson is not credible.” But McCarthy says he does not regret giving Carlson access to the tapes, and Carlson indicated that anyone who objected to the false narrative he put forward on Monday had revealed themselves as being allied against the Republican base. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) and House Oversight Committee chair James Comer (R-KY) are organizing a visit for members of Congress to visit the jail where defendants charged with crimes relating to the January 6th riot are behind held. In the past, Greene called those defendants “political prisoners of war.” Today the Office of the Director of National Intelligence released the 2023 Annual Threat Assessment of the U.S. Intelligence Community. It warned that transnational “Racially or Ethnically Motivated Violent Extremists” (RMVEs) continue to pose a threat more lethal to U.S. persons and interests than do Islamist terrorists. RMVEs are “largely a decentralized movement of adherents to an ideology that espouses the use of violence to advance white supremacy, neo-Nazism, and other exclusionary cultural-nationalist beliefs. These actors increasingly seek to sow social divisions, support fascist-style governments, and attack government institutions,” the report said. They “capitalize on societal and political hyperpolarization to…mainstream their narratives and conspiracy theories into the public discourse.” They are recruiting “military members” to “help them organize cells for attacks against minorities or institutions that oppose their ideology.” Finally, John Bresnahan of Punchbowl News reported that 81-year-old Senator Mitch McConnell fell at an event at the Waldorf Astoria in Washington, D.C., tonight and has been hospitalized.

—

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Bonus Marathon - Rapunzel’s World : The Ultimate Series’ Guide

Introduction

While I was gathering books and comics for this review series, I kept seeing this series guide advertised to me by google’s and amazon’s algorithms. Now neither would tell what the book was nor give me any sort of insight into it’s pages, and I never heard it talked about within fandom. It’s not even listed on the wiki with the other activity books.

So out of sheer curiosity, I snagged it used off of Abe Books for less than five bucks. Now this was originally released mid-season and is supposed to be a ‘here’s a who is who’ so far in the story, but I figured it works better as an introduction to the show. I also wanted something short to go between the larger novels and give myself some breathing space.

Content

As I said, this is just a ‘Who’s Who’ book, but with some world building stuff thrown into the mix. Not much though, sadly....

Most of the little blurbs and such, are just things you can see in the show yourself. There’s nothing really here to flesh out the characters or the world; no additional tidbits or factoids, no added story, no activities for what is suppose to be an activity book. It’s kind of bland, and I can see now why the fans don’t really talk about it.

The most interesting thing about the book is what it gets wrong.  

Varian, Quirin, and Ruddgier are called the ‘Ruddiger Family’, as if they consciously named themselves after their pet raccoon...

And then they get both Herz der Sonne’s and General Shampanier’s names wrong. Calling them Herr Tazon and General Champagne... I kid you not, It’s Champagne. 

If this book was scheduled for a mid-season release, back when Queen for a Day was still intended to come after One Angry Princess, then Under Raps may not have been fully finalized by the time it was published.

Yet most interesting to me, is that The Great Science Expo is implied to be an annual event in the book. But, like, wouldn’t Varian had won like nearly every year then? Yet the judge seems to barely know him? What would have prevented Varian from participating previous years?

I personally would like to think that the Great Expo is a rotating event within the seven kingdoms. Like it does happen every year, but each year its hosted else where. Which would mean that the last time the Expo came to Corona, it was held when Varian was seven and too young to enter.

Now, I’ve nothing to back that theory up, but it seems as plausible as anything else. 

Presentation 

The art work in the book is very uneven, at best. We get some nice background shots and a few new promotional images of the mains. I especially enjoy the page listing out Rapunzel’s outfits. But then you you also get a lot of repeated artwork that fans see touted in every merch. 

Heck, that one image above of Varian is repeated twice within this same book, while the royal family portrait shows up on three separate occasions. Then there’s the fact that all the villain's models are shown in default mode...

Everyone else at least has their models posing. Even minor characters, like the castle staff and the townspeople, at least were set up for their one promotional image. Yet, this, is lazy. Someone really dropped the ball here and it feels rushed. 

Would I Recommend It

I don’t understand who this is for. There’s nothing here that you couldn’t learn just by watching the show or reading a Wikipedia page to catch yourself up with. If this had perhaps been released between the pilot and the first episode, as a way to generate hype, I could understand it, but it was instead a midseason release, so none of this would have been new information to most audiences at the time.  

I guess if you lived overseas and couldn’t get the episodes till later, and for whatever reason didn’t have internet access, then maybe this might have had value then.... Only, its even harder to get merch like this overseas anyways so... Not to mention, that none of that is relative now that the series is over with.  

I don’t know. I know a few people who like this book a lot, but I personally fail to see the appeal. This is the first thing I’ve come across in the marathon that I would recommend skipping over. 

Next Up

We’ll be looking at our second original novel and first series based original novel to boot. Here’s hoping that’s better than the last book. Next is Rapunzel and the Lost Lagoon. 

Also the streams have retuned this week over on the salt discord. 

https://discord.gg/52hGg6TS

[existslikepristin]

A Two-on-One Match

Part 2 of 3 of the OC Jung Hyunjin's arc. A request from Rex [of the ever-changing name] I recommend starting with A Quick Fix to follow the plot if you haven't read it already.

Tags: TheLounge, Gfriend, Eunha, SinB, male OC Jung Hyunjin, "oh hey I know you", one dom one sub one clueless boxer, some butt stuff, request

~~~~~

The bell rang to announce Yuta’s departure. He turned back as he walked through the door and waved. “Thanks Hyunjin! Good to meet you!”

“You too man! Enjoy!” Hyunjin waved back. It was his second week working at The Lounge and he was getting to know quite the wide range of people, and the first day he was working the morning shift, now that he was fully finished with his evening training.

A familiar voice came from behind, just at the entrance to the kitchen. “Nice catch. How’d you know Yuta would like the cinnamon sprinkle?” It was Hyunjin’s new boss, Kim Soomin.

“Wish I could tell you Ms. Kim. Honestly I just guessed.”

Soomin shrugged. “We’ll chalk it up to intuition then. Anyway, it seems like you’ve got things handled up here. I’m going to start up the oven for some brownies. Sungho is going to be here in half an hour, but I’ll be right there if you get rushed, alright?”

“You got it, Ms. Kim.”

Hyunjin wasn’t especially worried, since he didn’t imagine they’d be getting that many more customers in so early in the morning. When Soomin was gone, he leaned back against the perfectly clean counter and pulled out his phone.

Sowon had told him she was an idol, but he still hadn’t bothered to look up her music. It seemed to him that while he was waiting for customers was as good a time as any. He opened up his default browser and tapped in her name. A second later, his phone was flooded with pictures of Sowon in a variety of outfits, generally much fancier than what he usually saw her in. In the sidebar, her real name appeared, as well as the company she worked for and the group she was part of. “Gfriend,” rung a bell in Hyunjin’s head, at least, though he had no clue if he’d actually heard any of their music before. Maybe at a convenient store while he wasn’t paying attention?

He tapped the link to change the search to Gfriend. The images that showed up were far more zoomed out than before. He could pick out Sowon’s face among the six women in each picture, but immediately scrolled down and saw their names. He nodded his head and kept going down the list. Jung Yerin was next. No clue who she was. Then Jung Eunbi, also known as Eunha. That name sounded somehow familiar to him, but he continued to read. Choi Yuna, also known as Yuju…

He was interrupted by the bell ringing. He bounced away from the counter and popped his phone back into his pocket. Looking up, he saw two women had entered. One of them took off to the side toward the lounge chairs right away, but the other one approached the counter. She walked normally at first, but slowed down when she and Hyunjin’s eyes met.

“H-hyunjin?” she asked.

Hyunjin hesitated to respond. He pulled his phone back out and looked at the images still on the screen. “Do you go by Eunha?”

Eunha nodded slowly. “Yeah… Were you in drama club in middle school?”

“I was.”

There was a long pause.

“Holy shit, Hyunjin! It’s been such a long time! When did you start working here?”

Hyunjin laughed. He knew the name was familiar. “Just a couple of weeks ago. I got referred by Sowon.”

Eunha laughed back. “She and I are in a girl group together!”

“I literally just found that out! I was looking you guys up! See?” Hyunjin held out his phone.

“Woah! Yeah! How are you doing these days?”

The two took some time to reminisce and catch up. Despite the initial moment of not recognizing each other, they quickly remembered their connection. They had grown up in the same neighborhood, and recalled a variety of events they had gone to together as children. Eunha was a year above him in school, but had encouraged him to participate in drama. The Lounge continued to stay effectively empty the whole time. Hyunjin told Eunha about how he and Sowon met and how he ended up there, and about how he was training again to fight. Eunha told him about the rest of Gfriend, and how the other woman she entered with was Umji.

To avoid making Umji wait too much longer, Hyunjin took Eunha’s order and got to work. He was all smiles. When he brought their coffee to them, he included a napkin with his phone number on it and invited Eunha to the fight, but couldn’t continue to chat with the other customers that began to pour in, the bell going wild.

* * *

The bell went wild. It was the end of the last round. Hyunjin wiped at his nose with his arm. His opponent backed off and the two bumped their gloves together. Hyunjin wasn’t especially happy with the turnout. It had been far too long since he’d stepped in a ring, and it showed. That wasn’t going to stop him from being a good sport though. He kept a smile on.

Fortunately, the referee still held his arm up in the end. “... by split decision: Jung Hyunjin!”

The crowd cheered. Whether it was for Hyunjin or not, he couldn’t really tell. The crowd wasn’t exactly huge, and the two fighters nobody had heard of (it was only his opponent’s second official match) in a small venue didn’t exactly have a fanbase yet. Hyunjin couldn’t pick any familiar faces out of the crowd either.

His disappointment was quickly abated by who he saw while making his way to the locker room. Dressed in frumpy, nondescript sweatshirts and hats, Eunha and another girl Hyunjin barely recognized from Gfriend’s group pictures as SinB caught him right at the doorway.

“Hey! We were hiding out in the back row. Congrats!”

Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair. “Thanks. I was rusty though.”

“Rusty? What do you mean? You were great!”

SinB tapped Eunha on the arm. “No, he’s right. They both looked like amateurs.”

Hyunjin grimaced, but before he could say anything, Eunha grabbed him by the arm. “Hey, let’s go in there, where it’s not so noisy! I can barely hear you two!”

She wasn’t wrong. When the door closed behind them, the lack of noise was a relief.

“So yeah,” SinB started, “what I was saying is that he’s right. They loo--”

Eunha silenced her with a strict look. “SinB...” is all she said, and it was all she needed.

SinB averted her eyes and a blush crossed her cheeks. “It’s um… Nice to meet you, Hyunjin. My name’s SinB.”

Hyunjin smirked. “Hey, good meeting you too. Don’t worry about the fight though. I used to be a lot better. I’m just out of practice. I’ll be starting regular training again next week.”

“You really did do great though,” Eunha said, “I mean, you had to, right? You won.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m just being critical of myself. But anyway, thanks for coming! I really appreciate the support.”

“Of course! Just think of us as your first fans?” Eunha ended with a questioning tone, but followed up quickly. “Actually, let’s not be fans yet. It’s weird for fans to take you out to dinner.”

“Dinner, huh? I’d like that. I need to get washed up first. Pretty sure I’ve still got some blood in my mouth.”

“Totally, yeah! We’ll just, uh, wait here.”

Hyunjin gave a nod and went to the locker room. He could hear Eunha hushedly giving SinB an earful the whole way.

Undressing was a bit painful. Hyunjin had taken a particularly strong hit to one of his left ribs, and now that he could see the site of the impact, he could already tell it would be bruising. He hoped it wasn’t broken.

As he made his way to the open showers, he could hear Eunha and SinB again. They sounded like they were close to the locker room. There wasn’t a door to block the sound though, so he didn’t think much of it, but he knew something was up when he heard footsteps over the sound of the running water. Nobody else should be on this half of the building except his coach, who he hadn’t even informed of the fight. He quickly covered his dick with his hands and turned to the entrance.

And there was SinB, blushing furiously, looking straight up at the ceiling. “H-hey, Hyunjin. I’m sorry.”

“Um. Well, cool. Apology accepted. But is this really the--”

Hyunjin cut himself off as Eunha brushed past SinB. But unlike SinB, she was completely undressed. She walked toward him, small breasts bouncing with each step, getting soaked as she went directly through the spray of the showers. He started to smile, but noticed and quickly got rid of it. “Eunha, you’re…”

“I’m here to help you get cleaned up,” she finished his sentence for him, though it wasn’t what he was intending to say. “We can get to the restaurant sooner this way, right?”

Eunha grabbed a bar of soap from one of the little shelves along the wall and stopped just short of Hyunjin, who had lost all hope of being able to hide his erection. Not that Eunha seemed to mind, or even pay any attention. But it’s what she said next that made her intentions much, much clearer.

“You and Sowon aren’t exclusive, right?”

“No. I suppose we’ve been very clear that we aren’t.” Hyunjin took a hand away from his crotch to rub the back of his neck.

Eunha put a hand on Hyunjin’s arm, pointing at his neck. “Oh no. Are you feeling sore?” She gestured toward a stool. “Let me give you a massage. SinB!”

Hyunjin watched, half afraid and half mesmerized, as SinB quickly undressed and tossed all of her clothes back into the locker room. He let Eunha pull him down to sit on the stool she dragged underneath the stream of the shower. “I don’t really need a massage. It’s okay.”

“That’s good to hear! I’ll just get started on washing you up then. In the meantime, can you do me a favor?”

“Uh… Sure?”

While sitting on the stool, Hyunjin was just barely shorter than Eunha, which let her lean down to whisper in his ear. Her tone made it clear she was asking a question. “Let SinB practice on you?”

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide. “So Eunha, I don’t mean to sound like a perv here, but are you implying something about practicing a blowjob? Because I’ll take that.”

Eunha motioned for SinB to approach. “No, no. Why would you think that?” she asked, clearly twitching at the corner of her mouth as she tried not to smile. She slowly pulled Hyunjin’s other hand away from his full-mast dick.

In no time at all, SinB was standing in front of Hyunjin, hair getting drenched by the shower, hands behind her back, and eyes anywhere but on him. With a little difficulty, she moved to straddle his lap. The width of her legs put her bare pussy dangerously close to his cock.

Sure he knew where the situation was taking them, Hyunjin shifted his legs, pushing SinB’s a little farther apart. The head of his dick speared her. He watched as her chest rose and fell rapidly. She used her hands to brace herself on his shoulders. He wanted to make a snarky comment, but was having difficulty coming up with anything good. He was also distracted by the feeling of something hard against his cock. He reached around SinB and grabbed her butt. As his fingers explored, he was able to verify immediately that she had a butt plug inside of her.

“This is an interesting night,” he said simply.

Just then, Hyunjin felt Eunha pressing her front up against his back. Her skin glided over his, as if it was (and it was) covered in soap. At the same time, SinB lowered herself further onto his dick in a jerking, twitching way.

“I don’t know what you mean. Is something unusual, Hyunjin?” Eunha asked as she rubbed her tits and stomach up and down his back.

Hyunjin’s sarcasm struggled its way out of his throat as SinB started fucking him, bouncing herself and making a beautiful, wet scene of her slim body. “Not at all…” Hyunjin said, “Perfectly normal Wednesday night.”

Eunha couldn’t contain her giggle. She ran her soapy hands over Hyunjin’s shoulders, arms, and whatever parts of his legs she could reach with SinB in the way. He winced a little when she swept over his new bruise, but otherwise did his best not to react.

“How do you like SinB’s pussy?”

Hyunjin groaned. His grip on SinB’s asscheeks tightened subconsciously. He had to unclench his teeth to say, “It’s alright.”

“Hear that, SinB? Just alright. Maybe a bit amateurish.”

SinB’s shoulders tensed up visibly. “I said I was sorry…”

Eunha walked around to the shelves on the wall to pull a bottle of shampoo off. The close up view of Eunha’s plump, naked, wet ass just about set Hyunjin off. She was obviously arching her back just enough to make it noticeable.

“Damn, Eunha. I always admired your butt when you were my senior, but now… fuck…”

She turned to look at Hyunjin over her shoulder. “Oh thank you! Sounds like you’re thinking about cumming?”

Hyunjin nodded. With no hesitation at all, Eunha set the shampoo back down and pulled a visibly shocked SinB off of his cock. He was shocked too, about ready to ask why Eunha would do such a thing, but found his answer right away.

Eunha, facing away from Hyunjin, positioned herself between his legs and spread her ass with one hand, and grabbed his cock with the other. She directed it to an unexpected target, and Hyunjin’s breath caught in his throat as he was hilted completely in Eunha’s asshole.

“Now you can cum,” she said.

Hyunjin didn’t need to be told twice. He barely needed to be told once. His orgasm hit him harder than his opponent did in the ring. He grabbed Eunha’s hips and held her down against him as he pumped a gigantic load into her ass.

He brushed his hair back, suddenly light headed, feeling like his soul had just been pulled out of him through his cock. He saw SinB sitting back against the wall, still blushing bright red, masturbating as she stared between Eunha’s legs at the spot where Hyunjin was impaling her.

“So then,” Eunha said casually, despite having an ass full of Hyunjin’s dick and cum, “Did you want anything special for dinner? I have an idea if you don’t!”

Hyunjin smiled. He was still trying to comprehend what just happened, but he was happy with it, even if the intensity of his climax left him with the sound of a bell ringing in his ears.

[miraculouscontent]

Didn’t Need Burrow (April 24th-May 3rd)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette is exposed to the world as Ladybug by the end of the series. This is largely so Adrien gets to bask in everyone knowing that HE ended up with Paris' protector on his arm, emphasizing her status as a trophy that he won.

This feels too likely, I hate it.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: After being badgered into trusting her with the Fox, Marinette tries to convince Alya that she can't expose herself as Rena Rouge any further, and should take advantage of the Fox's long-range capabilities to stay hidden. Alya dismisses the danger; if she tries hiding at all, it doesn't take long to reveal herself, claiming it's unheroic to hide. Shadowmoth then targets her personally, with Marinette taking the blame.

I WOULD EXCUSE THE FOX THING IF IT STAYED LONG RANGE BUT I’M WAITING FOR THEM TO RUIN IT

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Rather than outing Ladybug, Alya reveals *herself* as Rena Rouge. She claims that this is fine since Hawkmoth already knows her secret identity... and besides, it gives the LadyBlog more cred!

Because why not I guess, the bar for her is already so low.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will be forced to give up Guardianship/go through the memory wipe... but continue as Ladybug. This is mined for Sadrien AND resets LadyNoir; she no longer recalls all the annoying shit he's pulled, offering a fresh start. May lead into Reversed Rectangular Romance with Chat Noir pining after the old Ladybug while she develops a crush on her brooding partner. He's so ~dark~ and ~mysterious~ and gives her such ~wistful looks~!

Marinette gets to give up guardianship but at what cost. (also, that last line about Chat being dark and brooding)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: In a Shocking Twist, Emilie is revealed to have been evil and manipulative like Chloe/Lila, and presented as solely responsible for her husband's jerkassery. This sets up GabNath as endgame with Gabriel absolved for all his misdeeds. (Any similarities between Emilie and her son's behavior are summarily ignored.)

Because Adrien is male, obviously. He gets a pass.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: A lot of Adrien's supposed childhood friendship with Chloe was actually with Zoe. Which is supposed to give the new character some instant connections and serves as another proof of Chloe being irredeemable. Bonus: Marinette finds out and whether or not she spills the beans, it will be something she'll get called out for.

So, either a retcon or Adrien comes off as even more of a liar in “Origins.”

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Su-Han will tell Marinette outright that her responsibilities mean she's not allowed to be happy. This is used to garner sympathy for HIM - Isn't it sad how his duties have completely consumed his life? Clearly he needs help learning how to unwind and relax! Meanwhile Mari's drowning in the background, but this isn't about HER, now is it?

I’M SO SAD

WHYYY

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien discovers Gabriel's secret and hides the truth, forbidding Plagg from telling anyone. Not just to protect his father/family, but because he's not ready to stop being Chat Noir. No villains means no reason for heroes, and he doesn't even know his lady's secret identity yet--! Naturally, his reasoning is treated as totally understandable and sympathetic, even as he enables the conflict to continue indefinitely.

“CHAT BLANC” VERSION 2.0 I HATE IT DX

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Hawk/Shadowmoth starts aiming to *kill* the exposed/temp heroes in order to prevent them from potentially joining battles. This only happens during akuma fights (so that it falls upon Ladybug to 'set things right' with her powers). Chat Noir makes minimal (if any) effort to protect them, relying upon his 'partner' to carry the day instead and bring them back.

Ladybug: *trying to save everyone*

Chat Noir: *filing his claws in the background*

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will be pressured to make others permanent heroes and let them have their Miraculi full-time. This sets up for Hawkmoth to eventually get his hands on the Miracle Box, meaning any Miraculi that haven't been distributed are now in the villains' clutches. Not only does this dramatically cut down her pool of allies, Marinette gets to be guilt-stricken over failing all her duties and not listening to their demands while she had the chance.

Marinette, you’re such a fAilUrE as guardian!!

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Zoe will turn out to be another love interest for Adrien - only it's as the New-Bee with *Chat Noir*, enabling the dreaded Reversed Romo-Rhombus dynamic with Ladybug becoming jealous of their chemistry.

girls are such jealous types, haven’t you guys heard? :)

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Ladybug gets a new default look (for the sake of selling more ML merch in Real Life), trading the spotted onesie for another form-fitting spandex suit that 'highlights her feminine charms' even more. This is treated as a sign of her 'growing up'.

wow i hate it

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya shipping Marinette with both Adrien and Chat Noir after finding out her identity.

I am 100% not here for shipping shenanigans.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will be responsible for leading Lila to suspect that Marinette and Ladybug are connected. Though Alya may actually *realize* that she slipped up, she won't warn Marinette about the potential security breach, not wanting her to get upset/any more paranoid than she already is.

And of course, this will be used to make people “sympathize” with her. See, she cAreS about Marinette’s feelings, how can you be mad at her for this??

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: There will be more plots where Marinette's 'lesson of the week' is that she must learn how to better control and suppress her emotions, and that she is literally not ALLOWED to be upset because Hawk/Shadowmoth will win if she does. At the same time, Adrien is encouraged to marinate in his own unhappiness over Ladybug not giving in to his advances. If the danger involved ever comes up, it's presented as purely Ladybug/Marinette's fault for rejecting him.

I’m starting to think some of you are ZAG insiders because wow that sounds likely. DX

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: A recurring theme in episodes featuring the 'girl squad' will be Marinette meddling too much, as her efforts to help them cross boundaries THEY aren't comfortable with. If she dares to bring up their past insistence that friends don't keep secrets, they'll call her out as a hypocrite while refusing to acknowledge their own hypocrisies.

“Marinette’s boundaries? Who??? No, Marinette, what about THEIR boundaries???” - the writers

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien will feel sorry for Chloe and regret the role he played in her losing her Miraculous. This is mainly a vehicle to help explain why everything that went wrong with her/Queen Bee is totally, 100% Marinette/Ladybug's fault, along with showing how forgiving Adrien is and how he 'sees the best in everyone', and is clearly right to do so. Bonus: this is combined with him distrusting the NewBee for not being Chloe/making her jealous.

*sigh*

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chloe will get akumatized out of anger over the New Bee, and Ladybug is blamed for her insensitivity/forced to apologize to her.

I’m still stunned at the mental gymnastics they go through to make Marinette/Ladybug apologize to people.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Su-Han will confirm the popular fan claim that Ladybug and Black Cat bearers are, in fact, soulmates/bound together by destiny. Chat Noir gleefully rubs this in Ladybug's face; her disbelief and horror is played entirely for laughs at her expense. Adrien's behavior escalates further afterwards, bolstered by the knowledge that it doesn't matter how shitty he gets, as she belongs to him regardless.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: In addition to confirming the notion that Ladybugs and Black Cats are 'meant to be', it's revealed that other Miracli are destined soulmates, like Foxes and Turtles or Butterflies and Peacocks, and other random Miraculi pairings that 'coincidentally' align with various official ships.

brb, need to step away to scream on my porch

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: At least one episode will have Marinette mess up a potion, preventing her and the other heroes from enjoying its benefits during a big fight. This is blamed either on her anxiety causing her to overthink it or on her being a poor student, lamenting the fact that she didn't have more time with Master Fu. (Bonus if Su-Han takes advantage of this to slam Fu; extra bonus points if Mari defends him by insisting *she* was the one who screwed up, not her master.)

It’s like a main course of Marinette blame, oh my god.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Su-Han will make various sexist comments about Marinette and the other heroines, implying that they were all poor choices Because Girl. Since nothing says 'Girl Power' like insisting they must prove themselves to doubtful men who will never fully accept them. After all, Marinette is the only one who ever learns lessons; therefore, Su-Han will never grow out of his 'old-fashioned views'.

And when the writers are called out, they’ll go, “bUt hE’s jUst oLd fAshiOned”

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien gets his Ring revoked by Su-Han for misbehavior. This is depicted as a terrible miscarriage of justice, and Marinette must convince Su-Han to return the Ring without learning who Chat Noir is. The more terrible the inciting act, the bigger the bonus points; did he skip another battle like Glaciator? Pull another Syren-level stunt? Cataclysm another innocent? Who cares? Sadrien is Sad, and that's the biggest crisis of all...

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien pulls another Syren-level stunt (or worse); rather than holding him responsible, Su-Han berates Marinette for her poor leadership and failure to keep him in line. Bonus if she confides/vents to Alya afterwards only for Alya to AGREE with Su-Han that she's failed at being a good partner to Chat Noir. Fever Mode activates if Alya implies Marinette's failure is due to her inability to admit her feelings for Chat Noir and/or confess to Adrien.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will pull an Adrien re: Lila, refusing to openly support Marinette against her. She'll claim that they need to 'gather evidence' first before exposing her to everyone. In practice, this means that Alya is willing to continue feigning ignorance, pretending that she's taken in by Lila's lies, while Marinette continues to suffer since she won't play along. Any evidence-gathering we see Alya engaging in is minimal, if she's shown doing it at all.

This is 150% one of the most accurate Alya-Lila confrontations I’ve seen from these predictions.

I hate it.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: When confronting Lila, Alya will insist that 'Ladybug told me herself' that they aren't friends. Lila attempts to convince her that Ladybug is lying to try and protect her; this either works or spurs Alya to declare that LB 'hates liars', making her suspicious of Marinette's potential connections to the superheroine.

Alya

Alya why

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will only treat Marinette with anything approaching a veneer of respect while she's Ladybug. (As in 'Transformed/wearing the spotted suit/actively superheroing'.) Her behavior towards her 'regular BFF', meanwhile, will continue to degrade.

and, as a alternative:

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Having learned that Marinette = Ladybug, Alya shows less and less respect towards the superheroine. (Not that she displayed much in the first place, but you know what they say: familiarity breeds contempt. And Alya's convinced that she knows her SO WELL, despite all signs to the contrary...)

Thanks. Hate them both. T_T

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya will end up outing Ladybug in a moment of anger. Though this is treated as impulsive and spur-of-the-moment, the act itself hints otherwise. (For example, she posts it on the LadyBlog; that post had to be *written up* first, and she likely had to think about what evidence she'd use to back up her claim... Not to mention if she includes pictures or video. Showing that Alya thought about it well before her 'tipping point', no matter how she claims otherwise.)

okay but you missed the part where Marinette is blamed for it--

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Tikki's comments about kwamis not understanding love are foreshadowing that they will later claim that Ladybug and Chat Noir's relationship has shown them what true love is. Because none of the other relationships they've ever seen or experienced in their long, looooooong history compare to the Four-Cornered F**kery.

Tikki sure knew a lot about love when she commented on all of Marinette’s love issues.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Kagami will come to regret 'impulsively' breaking up with Adrien for being a lying jerkface, while Luka moves on and finds happiness with somebody else with relative ease. Because guys are allowed to move on with their lives while girls have to wallow in the miserable mires of wish-you-were-(still)-mine. Woes--!

no but see Adrien is “worthy” of love while Marinette isn’t

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette is either responsible for the secret Juleka's keeping (such as trusting her with a Miraculous) or inadvertently sets Rose on its scent in the first place, making her *supposedly* responsible for the strife which follows.

We already know that it’s not Juleka’s secret at least but Marinette could absolutely still set Rose off.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Marinette will be taught techniques/given a power-up that shuts off her emotions completely, or simply reaches the point where she figures out how to do so on her own. This is ultimately shown to be a bad thing/another mistake not because of the toll it takes on her psyche, but because the fully repressed Marinette/Ladybug no longer has any interest whatsoever in Adrien, and *we can't have THAT!*

Us getting to see Marinette not crushing on Adrien... but at what cost?

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Alya posts more embarrassing content on the LadyBlog, making it look like Ladybug keeps screwing up/making mistakes. Marinette asks her to stop, worried that she's undermining people's faith in her; Alya blows off her concerns and accuses her of getting a swelled head/becoming a 'control freak' about her image, insisting it's no big deal if people see she's human while refusing to treat her as such. (Meanwhile none of Chat Noir's mistakes/misbehavior make it onto the blog.)

“Bonus” if Alya gets particularly huffy because it’s jOunrAliSm and she’d be bIAsEd if she took down something that made her fRiEnD uNComOFTablE.

elflynns-horde-of-stuff said:

Don't need a burrow: The upcoming episode "Guiltrip" is gonna be 50% Sadrien. And we won't even get any new developments on his character for it.

so the usual

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: It's revealed that Ladybug holders are 'natural good luck charms' for everybody around them, but are punished by karmic backlash for even the *slightest* hint of selfishness (or self-consideration). Hence Marinette's whole plight, which is still presented as her fault for not being able to reach an impossibly perfect ideal. (Anything we learn about Black Cat holders, meanwhile, is purely for Agrestangst and has no bearing on anything observable within the show itself.)

Honestly, with the bad luck Marinette had in “Origins,” you’d think she’d be meant for the cat and been taught about the values of destruction and just being able to Go Off on people, or how to spin her bad luck into something good (or the black cat miraculous in general helps her channel her bad luck, such as making her Cataclysm stronger or being able to give her bad luck to others).

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: The show ends with Marinette and Adrien getting together, with Marinette declaring that everything she went through was worth it and that she's 'incredibly lucky' -- that the fact fate brought them together is 'nothing short of Miraculous!'

The sheer level at which I just cringed in immeasurable.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: A S5 episode will drop before S4 is finished.

Oh! Ahaha, we’ve got a wavelength, anon! I actually already added that one at some point.

Anonymous said:

Didn't need the Burrow: The series will not really make Rose/Juleka canon. They will imply it but the official language used in the episode will be "best friends". Yet on Twitter the creators will pat themselves on the back repeatedly for it

I mean, this already partially happened in “Reflekdoll” so--

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: It'll be confirmed beyond any reasonable doubt that Adrien 100% knows about Marinette's crush when he uses it to manipulate her. Plagg comments on it, and Adrien affirms that he knows, but her feelings don't compare to his own for Ladybug. ('And aren't worth sparing' goes unsaid, but is naturally implied.) Naturally, his manipulation of her is treated as 'clever', and any pain or mortification she feels as a result is just gravy.

Anonymous said:

Didn't Need Burrow: Adrien reveals to Plagg (and the audience) that he's fully aware of Marinette's crush, but refuses to acknowledge it because he doesn't want to 'crush her dreams', comparing it to how Ladybug keeps rejecting him. Making the situation entirely about HIM and how HE feels, even showing some resentment towards her for HAVING that crush for HIM to deal with. Marinette and her feelings are painted as just an ANNOYANCE that he's ignoring, heedless of the impact upon her.

wow i hate them both

thank you, both of you

</3

[natromanxoff]

20 - Rockin' in Rio

Greetings one and all A quick return from the Bondi Bard. Last weekend there was a surprise party for Gerry and Sylvia in San Francisco, and judging from the email I got from Ratty a good time was had by all, and a few of our old mob were there. I would loved to have been there but I was committed to go to the wedding of a good buddy of mine. James and his new wife Suze got married on the original Manly ferry, which has been converted into an amazing houseboat and is moored at Balmain. The ceremony was at 7pm, just as the sun was setting to the left of us, and the Harbour Bridge to the right, very picturesque. An Aussie band called Leonardo's Bride sang their top five hit to the couple (of course I can't remember the name of it) and the girl singer has an incredible voice, and is also gorgeous and a very charming lady, who is shacked up with a DJ mate of mine. Lucky bastard. The booze was good, the food even better and a fun night was had. I can hear that question again, "Whats this got to do with Queen?" Well I shall tell you. James worked as an engineer at Metropolis Studios in London, along with the lovely Heidi, where the Queenies did a lot of recording, he also did some work with the band, but did a lot on BM's first solo outing. The next link is even weaker. I spent a good part of the evening chatting with Rob Hirst, who is the drummer with Midnight Oil, and is also a fabbo chappie. And being a typical drummer, while the Oils are not working he is recording his own solo album, as a singer/guitarist.......sound familiar. We had a couple of drinks and swapped a few stories, and as his wife was with us we managed to keep them all clean.

Staying on the subject of drummers I had an email, via Jacky, from a drummer who didn't seem that amused by the joke I told in my last ramblings, they might hit things but they are really quite sensitive deep down. So I suppose I should say I'm sorry, well I'm not. But here's another little jest to piss him off some more. Q: Whats the most asked question to a person with an IQ of 2? A: What sticks do you use?

Onto Sonia's request for some info on our trips to Brazil. What can I say about Rio except that it is a fun city and we all had a great time there, maybe that's why we went back a second time. On the first venture there I was still looking after the kit, and on one night myself and a few of the crew hit the town and got very drunk on the local drink, I think it was made from sugar, which I can pronounce but I've no idea how to spell it. (Help me out Sonia) We were in a bar getting louder and louder when a Welsh Rugby team came in, and they were big boys, and they are also on the tipsy side.

I'm 6ft, Jim Devenney makes me look small and Bob Bickleman made him look small, and the rugby players are of equal size, so we now have a contest on our hands as to which team can sing the loudest and dirtiest rugby songs. To start with the Welsh were winning because they had a couple of good looking women with them, and even though it was loud it was also in good fun. Devenney then comes up with the great statement that rugby is a girls game, the Welsh reply that at least they don't need padding when they play, unlike Gridiron, to which our team say, "OK, lets have a game on the beach tomorrow morning." This to me sounds like a really daft idea as I hate Gridiron, Rugby and Soccer, so one of the lighting guys and myself decided to leave, which means the Queen crew won by default cause neither team turned up on the beach to play, and as the two of us were leaving the bar we took their gorgeous ladies with us. Sorry Wales.

Our second visit to Brazil, when I was traveling with the band, was for the first Rock in Rio which was a two week festival with a host of big names on, each playing two nights. We did the opening night with three Brazilian acts, then Whitesnake who had Cozy as drummer, then Iron Maiden and then us. The second show was at the end and our opening acts were the B52's and the Go Go's. After the show I ended up in my room with a couple of Go Go girls, and boy were they party hounds. Apart from the bands I've mentioned there were other big names like Rod Stewart, AC/DC, Yes, George Benson and more. It was fun because we got to see old friends of the road, but it was also a nightmare cause we were almost prisoners of the hotel, due to the fact there were far to many fans outside the hotel, so we hung around the pool most of the time. The press were paying guests with poolside views so they could use the room and snap rockstars by the pool, which, of course, put an end to that.

The only thing left to do between shows was to get out of Rio and Roger and I heard of a great place called Buzios (Hope I spelt that correctly) which I suppose is about 100 miles away. Deaky and Wally decided to come as well, and being wimps they took a limo, unlike us drum type people, we don't eat quiche, we're gonna drive. The locals were all driving around in beach buggies, they look like fun, thats us, lets go. A buggy is basically a VW beetle with a different body, and our gleaming white buggy turns out to be the biggest pile of crap ever allowed on a road.

I take the wheel and we're not too far into our journey when 1st gear goes on the missing list, I don't care, I'm a good driver, I can start in 2nd. The gearstick decides to loosen on us, so trying to get it in gear was like stirring soup, who cares, onwards and by now our buggy decides to dump the clutch, so when it came to pulling away I just pushed the stick, and whatever gear it went in was the one we drove in. At least we can see the funny side of it all. What else can God give us to make this mission harder, how about torrential rain, which is great fun to drive in when you don't have a roof on the car. Needless to say the buggy rapidly filled up with water. Five minutes of this downpour and we get our next treat, the wipers pack up, so RT has to stand up and lean over the top and wipe the windshield so I can see where I'm going. By this time we look like a couple of soaking wet tramps, but we are killing ourselves laughing as we watch the red mud flow down the hillsides into the river we are trying to drive through. As we go round a bend we both screamed out "OH F***" at the same time. A huge truck was heading in the opposite direction to us, and as it passed at high speed a tidal wave of red water engulfed us and our crappy little car. I have to be honest here, that did wipe out a bit of the humour. We got to our destination, found the hotel and as the drowned rats walked in, the wimps were sitting in the bar, very dry with very cold beers. Next time, I'm with you Deaky. You would think the first thing I would want was a shower, nope, top of the list was a nice quiet chat with the company that rented us our friendly little buggy, and after a couple of well placed words they didn't charge us. Once there we had a good time. Oh, I nearly forgot, we did a couple of great shows as well.

Loads of the usual stuff

Crystal

[choose-your-own-pronouns]

CYOP - Tutorial Sword

(This one might have some mistakes, because at one point I accidentally copied half of one and pasted it into another, but I think it’s all fixed now...let me know if there are any sets I missed.)

she/her type pronouns: she/her/hers/herself “she was”

Replace:

[Name]

[she]  

[her]  

[hers] 

[herself]

“Hey, who’s that Necromancer over there? Do you know ter pronouns? The one with the silver sword and the skeleton dog over by the forge. Do you know where mys got that sword? It looks awesome. Do you think mys’d trade me?”

“Oh, [Name]? [Her] pronouns are [she]/[her]/[hers]/[herself]. And as for the sword, no, I don’t think [she]’d trade you for it. That sword is Sentimental for [her], since it originally belonged to [her] parent, and they got it off a commander they defeated, so no, I don’t think you’ll have any luck convincing [her] to trade it for yours. No one wants one of the standard issue ones, they’re all too impatient and reckless.

“Why do you think you’re the only one who still has theirs? These idiots  say they’re cursed, can you believe it? A sword that can’t be looted, that tells you everything you need to know about this game, and they want nothing to do with it. Most of these idiots get rid of it the first battle they face. If you didn’t know, when you defeat an enemy in battle, you can loot any items from them that you want except for their base layer of clothing, and any Sentimental items. You know how I said [Name] got [her] sword from [her] parent? Yeah, that means it’s Sentimental, and no one is allowed to loot it, since the Sentimental Exemption applies to it. The rules for what can and can’t be Sentimental are pretty complicated, so I won’t go into them now, but that’s also why [Name] has two swords, since everyone has to carry at least one weapon that can be looted. Anyone can carry multiple weapons, but after a while it just becomes cumbersome.

“You don’t get an extra carry slot when you have a Sentimental object, and with the extra weapon you’re required to carry if you have a Sentimental weapon, you end up permanently losing a slot, and especially when it comes to the higher tier battles, every item you bring counts, which is why not a lot of people keep Sentimental items, or at least not Sentimental weapons.” 

“So let me get this right, everyone hates the default swords because they give you a tutorial, but then you’re also going to give me a tutorial?”

“Yeah, because I get paid to tell the new people how things work. Everyone gets rid of their standard issue sword the first chance they get, so they end up not knowing how to do even basic things like bathing or weapon and armour maintenance. So since I decided to keep mine around until I actually knew what I was doing, everyone decided to elect me the official tutorial tutor, since none of the other experienced players have the patience to teach new people. Everyone who survives a battle using techniques or skills I taught them gives me at 10% of any coins they picked up during the fight.”

“Wait, so now I’m going to have to pay you since you’re telling me this? You could have lead with that! That’s not fair!”

“No, no, you’re still Level 1, so you’re exempt. Plus, you still have your sword, so it could teach you anything I can. You’d only have to start paying me once you hit Level 3 if you’d already gotten rid of your sword. You don’t have to worry about paying me as long as you have that sword. The lessons it gives you run out at Level 50, so you can imagine the slack I’m picking up by teaching the people who got rid of their sword during their first fight. Without me, this team wouldn’t have any idea how to do Spells or Techniques or Crafting. I was one of the founding four, and trust me, if I hadn’t had the common sense to keep my sword, this team wouldn’t even exist right now.”

“Wow. So you’ve been doing this for five years?”

“Yep. Almost six, actually, the anniversary is next month on the 2nd.”

“Woah. So, okay, if you know everything, is there a way I can change how my sword looks without getting rid of it? I like the tutorial feature, but it’s really plain looking. I want something dramatic or cool. Or at least I want to change the color, I have my eye on an outfit from the Jareq’s and I want it to match.”

“Well, you’re in luck. Remember our sentimental Necromancer over there?”

“Yeah.”

“[She]’s our Craftsmaster. [She] can reforge your sword into different shapes and styles, and can dye it different colors for you too. If you’re patient enough, [she]’ll even teach you how to do it yourself. [She]’s always complaining that [she] has to do everything because no one else wants to learn. I think at this point [she]’s literally paying people to become [her] apprentice, just so [she] can have someone to help out with the list of orders.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, you’d have to ask [her] if that offer is still on, I’ve been too busy with the new recruits to hang out with [her] the last few days. [She]’s friendly, especially towards new people, and [her] skele doesn’t bite anyone that doesn’t threaten [her], so don’t worry about talking to [her] or anything. 

“If you want, I’ll even walk you over and introduce you and ask [her] about reforging your sword. But before we do, you should think of a name for your sword if you haven’t already, you have to give it a name when you reforge it, and it has to be unique. If you open your journal, you can check which names are available, and it’ll suggest some for you if you can’t think of one.”

“Well, I’ve been calling it Chirithy in my head...uh, it’s from a video game, one of the older ones that you played on a cellphone.”

“Well, lets go to your journal and check if that name’s available. It definitely sounds unique so I bet it is--ah, look at that, it is! So we’d better hurry and get your sword reforged now, someone else out there might have the same idea! Trust me when I tell you that when you find a name you want, do not hesitate to claim it. Just don’t. Don’t worry about picking the new form for it yet, you can just reforge it into something quick and basic just to save the name, then you can come back later and choose a more intricate form. Come on, I’ll introduce you!”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go!”

 “Hey, [Name]! Get that forge started back up to five, we need you to reforge a sword quick before the name gets taken!”

“Don’t yell at [her], [she]’ll get mad!”

“Oh, don’t worry kid, this is just what we do. Plus, it takes time to heat the forge to the right temperature, and [she] hates having to wait when [she] could be doing something productive. Trust me, if we waited until we got all the way over there to tell [her] what temperature we need, and then [she] had to stand around and wait for it to get to the right heat even after [she] already knew what [she] was going to make, [she]’d be a lot less happy to help.”

“Oh. Hey, wait a second, do I have to pay [her] to reforge my sword? I only the have fifteen coins the opening fight gave me, and I don’t know what the economy is like yet…”

“[She] usually charges around fifty coins for a reforging to cover the cost of the materials, but this one’s on me. Fifteen coins isn’t a lot, it’s mainly supposed to get you buying things, since the basic gear from Jareq only cost two coins each. While you’re buying the basic armour, you also get to look at all the cooler stuff you can buy later, so you’ll want to get more coins to buy them, so you’ll keep coming back for more fights. And since they release new outfits every other month, you always have a reason to keep coming back.”

“Please take this as a compliment--I can tell you’re the teacher around here.”

“I do take it as a compliment. Thank you!”

“So why are you paying for my sword? I mean, I’m grateful, and I’ll pay you back later, but why? Do you just have a lot of coins?”

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re reforging your standard issue sword. The more you like that thing, the more likely you’ll keep it, and the longer you keep it, the less work there is for me as long as you stick around. You know how I said [Name] is sick of being the only crafter? Well I’m sick of being the only one around here who can or will teach anyone how to do stuff. We need another jack of all trades, and if you’re willing to keep that sword around, you might just become it.”

“So [Name] will pay me to be [her] apprentice, and you’re bribing me to become your apprentice too?”

“Yep.”

“Are there any other teachers around here who are willing to pay for students?”

“Oh you better believe it.”

======================== 

he/him type pronouns: he/him/his/himself “he was”

Replace:

[Name]

[he]

[him]

[his]

[himself]

“Hey, who’s that Necromancer over there? Do you know ter pronouns? The one with the silver sword and the skeleton dog over by the forge. Do you know where mys got that sword? It looks awesome. Do you think mys’d trade me?”

“Oh, [Name]? [His] pronouns are [he]/[him]/[his]/[himself]. And as for the sword, no, I don’t think [he]’d trade you for it. That sword is Sentimental for [him], since it originally belonged to [his] parent, and they got it off a commander they defeated, so no, I don’t think you’ll have any luck convincing [him] to trade it for yours. No one wants one of the standard issue ones, they’re all too impatient and reckless.

“Why do you think you’re the only one who still has theirs? These idiots  say they’re cursed, can you believe it? A sword that can’t be looted, that tells you everything you need to know about this game, and they want nothing to do with it. Most of these idiots get rid of it the first battle they face. If you didn’t know, when you defeat an enemy in battle, you can loot any items from them that you want except for their base layer of clothing, and any Sentimental items. You know how I said [Name] got [his] sword from [his] parent? Yeah, that means it’s Sentimental, and no one is allowed to loot it, since the Sentimental Exemption applies to it. The rules for what can and can’t be Sentimental are pretty complicated, so I won’t go into them now, but that’s also why [Name] has two swords, since everyone has to carry at least one weapon that can be looted. Anyone can carry multiple weapons, but after a while it just becomes cumbersome.

“You don’t get an extra carry slot when you have a Sentimental object, and with the extra weapon you’re required to carry if you have a Sentimental weapon, you end up permanently losing a slot, and especially when it comes to the higher tier battles, every item you bring counts, which is why not a lot of people keep Sentimental items, or at least not Sentimental weapons.” 

“So let me get this right, everyone hates the default swords because they give you a tutorial, but then you’re also going to give me a tutorial?”

“Yeah, because I get paid to tell the new people how things work. Everyone gets rid of their standard issue sword the first chance they get, so they end up not knowing how to do even basic things like bathing or weapon and armour maintenance. So since I decided to keep mine around until I actually knew what I was doing, everyone decided to elect me the official tutorial tutor, since none of the other experienced players have the patience to teach new people. Everyone who survives a battle using techniques or skills I taught them gives me at 10% of any coins they picked up during the fight.”

“Wait, so now I’m going to have to pay you since you’re telling me this? You could have lead with that! That’s not fair!”

“No, no, you’re still level 1, so you’re exempt. Plus, you still have your sword, so it could teach you anything I can. You’d only have to start paying me once you hit level 3 if you’d already gotten rid of your sword. You don’t have to worry about paying me as long as you have that sword. The lessons it gives you run out at level 50, so you can imagine the slack I’m picking up by teaching the people who got rid of their sword during their first fight. Without me, this team wouldn’t have any idea how to do Spells or Techniques or Crafting. I was one of the founding four, and trust me, if I hadn’t had the common sense to keep my sword, this team wouldn’t even exist right now.”

“Wow. So you’ve been doing this for five years?”

“Yep. Almost six, actually, the anniversary is next month on the 2nd.”

“Woah. So, okay, if you know everything, is there a way I can change how my sword looks without getting rid of it? I like the tutorial feature, but it’s really plain looking. I want something dramatic or cool. Or at least I want to change the color, I have my eye on an outfit from the Jareq’s and I want it to match.”

“Well, you’re in luck. Remember our sentimental Necromancer over there?”

“Yeah.”

“[He]’s our Craftsmaster. [He] can reforge your sword into different shapes and styles, and can dye it different colors for you too. If you’re patient enough, [he]’ll even teach you how to do it yourself. [He]’s always complaining that [he] has to do everything because no one else wants to learn. I think at this point [he]’s literally paying people to become [his] apprentice, just so [he] can have someone to help out with the list of orders.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, you’d have to ask [him] if that offer is still on, I’ve been too busy with the new recruits to hang out with [him] the last few days. [He]’s friendly, especially towards new people, and [his] skele doesn’t bite anyone that doesn’t threaten [him], so don’t worry about talking to [him] or anything. 

“If you want, I’ll even walk you over and introduce you and ask [him] about reforging your sword. But before we do, you should think of a name for your sword if you haven’t already, you have to give it a name when you reforge it, and it has to be unique. If you open your journal, you can check which names are available, and it’ll suggest some for you if you can’t think of one.”

“Well, I’ve been calling it Chirithy in my head...uh, it’s from a video game, one of the older ones that you played on a cellphone.”

“Well, lets go to your journal and check if that name’s available. It definitely sounds unique so I bet it is--ah, look at that, it is! So we’d better hurry and get your sword reforged now, someone else out there might have the same idea! Trust me when I tell you that when you find a name you want, do not hesitate to claim it. Just don’t. Don’t worry about picking the new form for it yet, you can just reforge it into something quick and basic just to save the name, then you can come back later and choose a more intricate form. Come on, I’ll introduce you!”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go!”

 “Hey, [Name]! Get that forge started back up to five, we need you to reforge a sword quick before the name gets taken!”

“Don’t yell at [him], [he]’ll get mad!”

“Oh, don’t worry kid, this is just what we do. Plus, it takes time to heat the forge to the right temperature, and [he] hates having to wait when [he] could be doing something productive. Trust me, if we waited until we got all the way over there to tell [him] what temperature we need, and then [he] had to stand around and wait for it to get to the right heat even after [he] already knew what [he] was going to make, [he]’d be a lot less happy to help.”

“Oh. Hey, wait a second, do I have to pay [him] to reforge my sword? I only the have fifteen coins the opening fight gave me, and I don’t know what the economy is like yet…”

“[He] usually charges around fifty coins for a reforging to cover the cost of the materials, but this one’s on me. Fifteen coins isn’t a lot, it’s mainly supposed to get you buying things, since the basic gear from Jareq only cost two coins each. While you’re buying the basic armour, you also get to look at all the cooler stuff you can buy later, so you’ll want to get more coins to buy them, so you’ll keep coming back for more fights. And since they release new outfits every other month, you always have a reason to keep coming back.”

“Please take this as a compliment--I can tell you’re the teacher around here.”

“I do take it as a compliment. Thank you!”

“So why are you paying for my sword? I mean, I’m grateful, and I’ll pay you back later, but why? Do you just have a lot of coins?”

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re reforging your standard issue sword. The more you like that thing, the more likely you’ll keep it, and the longer you keep it, the less work there is for me as long as you stick around. You know how I said [Name] is sick of being the only crafter? Well I’m sick of being the only one around here who can or will teach anyone how to do stuff. We need another jack of all trades, and if you’re willing to keep that sword around, you might just become it.”

“So [Name] will pay me to be [his] apprentice, and you’re bribing me to become your apprentice too?”

“Yep.”

“Are there any other teachers around here who are willing to pay for students?”

“Oh you better believe it.”

========================

they/them type pronouns: they/them/their/theirs/themselves “they were”

Replace:

[they]

[them]

[their]

[theirs]

[themself]

“Hey, who’s that Necromancer over there? Do you know ter pronouns? The one with the silver sword and the skeleton dog over by the forge. Do you know where mys got that sword? It looks awesome. Do you think mys’d trade me?”

“Oh, [Name]? [Their] pronouns are [they]/[them]/[their]/[themself]. And as for the sword, no, I don’t think [they]’d trade you for it. That sword is Sentimental for [them], since it originally belonged to [their] parent, and they got it off a commander they defeated, so no, I don’t think you’ll have any luck convincing [them] to trade it for yours. No one wants one of the standard issue ones, they’re all too impatient and reckless.

“Why do you think you’re the only one who still has theirs? These idiots  say they’re cursed, can you believe it? A sword that can’t be looted, that tells you everything you need to know about this game, and they want nothing to do with it. Most of these idiots get rid of it the first battle they face. If you didn’t know, when you defeat an enemy in battle, you can loot any items from them that you want except for their base layer of clothing, and any Sentimental items. You know how I said [Name] got [their] sword from [their] parent? Yeah, that means it’s Sentimental, and no one is allowed to loot it, since the Sentimental Exemption applies to it. The rules for what can and can’t be Sentimental are pretty complicated, so I won’t go into them now, but that’s also why [Name] has two swords, since everyone has to carry at least one weapon that can be looted. Anyone can carry multiple weapons, but after a while it just becomes cumbersome.

“You don’t get an extra carry slot when you have a Sentimental object, and with the extra weapon you’re required to carry if you have a Sentimental weapon, you end up permanently losing a slot, and especially when it comes to the higher tier battles, every item you bring counts, which is why not a lot of people keep Sentimental items, or at least not Sentimental weapons.” 

“So let me get this right, everyone hates the default swords because they give you a tutorial, but then you’re also going to give me a tutorial?”

“Yeah, because I get paid to tell the new people how things work. Everyone gets rid of their standard issue sword the first chance they get, so they end up not knowing how to do even basic things like bathing or weapon and armour maintenance. So since I decided to keep mine around until I actually knew what I was doing, everyone decided to elect me the official tutorial tutor, since none of the other experienced players have the patience to teach new people. Everyone who survives a battle using techniques or skills I taught them gives me at 10% of any coins they picked up during the fight.”

“Wait, so now I’m going to have to pay you since you’re telling me this? You could have lead with that! That’s not fair!”

“No, no, you’re still level 1, so you’re exempt. Plus, you still have your sword, so it could teach you anything I can. You’d only have to start paying me once you hit level 3 if you’d already gotten rid of your sword. You don’t have to worry about paying me as long as you have that sword. The lessons it gives you run out at level 50, so you can imagine the slack I’m picking up by teaching the people who got rid of their sword during their first fight. Without me, this team wouldn’t have any idea how to do Spells or Techniques or Crafting. I was one of the founding four, and trust me, if I hadn’t had the common sense to keep my sword, this team wouldn’t even exist right now.”

“Wow. So you’ve been doing this for five years?”

“Yep. Almost six, actually, the anniversary is next month on the 2nd.”

“Woah. So, okay, if you know everything, is there a way I can change how my sword looks without getting rid of it? I like the tutorial feature, but it’s really plain looking. I want something dramatic or cool. Or at least I want to change the color, I have my eye on an outfit from the Jareq’s and I want it to match.”

“Well, you’re in luck. Remember our sentimental Necromancer over there?”

“Yeah.”

“[They]’re our Craftsmaster. [They] can reforge your sword into different shapes and styles, and can dye it different colors for you too. If you’re patient enough, [they]’ll even teach you how to do it yourself. [They]’re always complaining that [they] have to do everything because no one else wants to learn. I think at this point [they]’re literally paying people to become [their] apprentice, just so [they] can have someone to help out with the list of orders.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, you’d have to ask [them] if that offer is still on, I’ve been too busy with the new recruits to hang out with [her] the last few days. [They]’re friendly, especially towards new people, and [their] skele doesn’t bite anyone that doesn’t threaten [them], so don’t worry about talking to [them] or anything. 

“If you want, I’ll even walk you over and introduce you and ask [her] about reforging your sword. But before we do, you should think of a name for your sword if you haven’t already, you have to give it a name when you reforge it, and it has to be unique. If you open your journal, you can check which names are available, and it’ll suggest some for you if you can’t think of one.”

“Well, I’ve been calling it Chirithy in my head...uh, it’s from a video game, one of the older ones that you played on a cellphone.”

“Well, lets go to your journal and check if that name’s available. It definitely sounds unique so I bet it is--ah, look at that, it is! So we’d better hurry and get your sword reforged now, someone else out there might have the same idea! Trust me when I tell you that when you find a name you want, do not hesitate to claim it. Just don’t. Don’t worry about picking the new form for it yet, you can just reforge it into something quick and basic just to save the name, then you can come back later and choose a more intricate form. Come on, I’ll introduce you!”

“Okay, yeah, let’s go!”

 “Hey, [Name]! Get that forge started back up to five, we need you to reforge a sword quick before the name gets taken!”

“Don’t yell at [them], [they]’ll get mad!”

“Oh, don’t worry kid, this is just what we do. Plus, it takes time to heat the forge to the right temperature, and [they] hate having to wait when [they] could be doing something productive. Trust me, if we waited until we got all the way over there to tell [them] what temperature we need, and then [they] had to stand around and wait for it to get to the right heat even after [they] already knew what [they] were going to make, [they]’d be a lot less happy to help.”

“Oh. Hey, wait a second, do I have to pay [them] to reforge my sword? I only the have fifteen coins the opening fight gave me, and I don’t know what the economy is like yet…”

“[They] usually charge around fifty coins for a reforging to cover the cost of the materials, but this one’s on me. Fifteen coins isn’t a lot, it’s mainly supposed to get you buying things, since the basic gear from Jareq only cost two coins each. While you’re buying the basic armour, you also get to look at all the cooler stuff you can buy later, so you’ll want to get more coins to buy them, so you’ll keep coming back for more fights. And since they release new outfits every other month, you always have a reason to keep coming back.”

“Please take this as a compliment--I can tell you’re the teacher around here.”

“I do take it as a compliment. Thank you!”

“So why are you paying for my sword? I mean, I’m grateful, and I’ll pay you back later, but why? Do you just have a lot of coins?”

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because you’re reforging your standard issue sword. The more you like that thing, the more likely you’ll keep it, and the longer you keep it, the less work there is for me as long as you stick around. You know how I said [Name] is sick of being the only crafter? Well I’m sick of being the only one around here who can or will teach anyone how to do stuff. We need another jack of all trades, and if you’re willing to keep that sword around, you might just become it.”

“So [Name] will pay me to be [their] apprentice, and you’re bribing me to become your apprentice too?”

“Yep.”

“Are there any other teachers around here who are willing to pay for students?”

“Oh you better believe it.”

[yastaghr]

The Hunt for the Nest

I don’t usually post twice in one day, but @lythecreatorart needs some cheering up and I just finished this fic! It’s some SFW Errink fluff!

Summary: Error wants to leave a mark on the Doodle Sphere that his boyfriend, Ink, has just shown him. He comes up with a cheeky scheme to not only leave one, but tease Ink at the same time.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26565958

Error dusted off his hands happily, staring up at his handiwork. A giant nest of strings hung between two of the doors in Ink’s Doodle Sphere. Ever since the artist had invited him into his zone, Error had been trying to think up the perfect way to leave his mark on the island-filled space. His mind had kept wandering back to his strings. What else could be more him than that? The problem was what to do with them. Eventually, one day when he was visiting Birdtale, Error had the idea. Why not build a nest? He had seen non-sentient birds build them, and the bird-brains here did, too. Surely he could make something similar with string. And here it was!

The whole thing was easily big enough to hold both of them, even with the sprawl that artist mistakenly called sleeping. There were soft blankets inside and pillows, too. All, of course, were blue. Blue was his favorite color. Besides, Error wanted to use his own strings for this for… reasons. Someone else’s simply wouldn’t do.

Now came the fun part of building this: using the thing to tease Ink with. His plan was foolproof. It needed to be. Ink was definitely a fool.

Error opened up a quick portal out of the Doodle Sphere and into a random universe. He then jumped through about fifty other portals, sometimes opening up multiple holes or jumping back through the one he’d entered with, to muddy the trail. Only after he was starting to get tired did Error open the portal to the world he really wanted; it was the one that Ink was in. Why that idiot spent so much time in this universe was beyond him. There was nothing here except darkness. There wasn’t even a Sans. It was just empty, boring black everywhere you looked. A blank that its creator had abandoned long ago.

Ink spun around to face him even though Error knew he hadn’t made any noise. At first his face was just… blank. Blank just like this universe was. But then his eye lights, a blue heart and a green question mark, returned and a smile lit up his face. “Hey, Error! I was just thinking about you! Isn’t it weird that you would show up right after that?”

Error, thoughts derailed by the skatterbrain of the monster he loved, said, “i dOn't kNoW. wHy wErE YoU ThInKiNg aBoUt mE, oR Do i wAnT To kNoW?”

Ink grinned. His eye lights changed to an orange diamond and a yellow exclamation point. Uh oh. That wasn’t good at all.  “Oh! I was just thinking about how I’ve never seen you eat sushi. Do you like sushi?”

“WhAt-” Error started to say.

“I don’t like sushi because the little white thingies they use always get stuck up my nose,” Ink carried on talking, oblivious.

“yOu'rE NoT SuPpOsEd tO-” Error tried again.

“But at the same time I do like sushi because that little green stuff they put on the side makes my nose run! It’s really nice when I’ve got a cold. Just a drop of that and I’m cle-”

It was Error’s turn to interrupt. “INK!!!!”

Ink closed his mouth and looked at him, his left eye light shifting from the diamond into a blue heart. “What is it, Glitchy?”

“i'vE GoT A PrEsEnT FoR YoU.”

Those magic words had Ink’s full attention. He practically quivered with it. It was pathetic (definitely not impressive, no way) how much Ink gave off the impression that he was an exclamation mark in a skeletal body. “Gimme!”

“iT'S NoT HeRe, DuMbAsS,” Error said, rolling his mismatched eye lights fondly, “iT'S HiDdEn. If yOu wAnT It yOu hAvE To fInD It."

Now both of Ink’s eye lights were exclamation points: one green, one yellow. “Ooh! A puzzle gift! Those are the best kind! Where did you hide it? And don’t say “the multiverse” this time. That was almost impossible!”

Error chuckled. That had been a good one. Ink had been searching for weeks for that special easel Error had… acquired for him. He’d finally found it in Chocotale #021. “i dOn't kNoW WhAt yOu'rE TaLkInG AbOuT. i'm nOt gOiNg tO SaY ThAt. I WaS GoInG To sAy iT'S HiDdEn iN ThE DoOdLe sPhErE.”

Ink pouted. “That’s almost as bad! The Doodle Sphere has an island for every universe in the multiverse! You know that! It’s huge! It’ll take me days to search it all!”

Error’s grin was definitely cheeky. He was a glitch! What fun could a glitch have if there wasn’t a little cheek in his life? “yOu'd bEtTeR GeT StArTeD, tHeN, sQuId. ThAt pReSeNt iSn't gOiNg tO FiNd iTsElF!”

=====

Several days later, Ink panted and leaned against the door to Ketotale. He’d been searching non-stop all this time, and he still couldn’t find that damned gift. He felt like he’d searched everywhere at least once, and it wasn’t nearly as much fun anymore - now it was just frustrating. So, Ink did the best thing he could think of doing, his default when a problem grew boring; he searched for someone to pester into helping him. Lucky for him, there was one monster who could be guaranteed to be helpful right now: Error.

Ink found him in Chocotale, which wasn’t that surprising. Error loved chocolate, so an entire world made out of nothing else was bound to appeal. He was munching on the shutters of someone’s house. Ink would have chastised him, but he knew for a fact that most of the inhabitants of Chocotale now had Destroyer Insurance™. That was absolute genius.

Ink poked the monster he wanted in his life more than any other in the back. Error glanced over his shoulder, an unimpressed expression on his face. He finished chewing the chocolate in his mouth with agonizing slowness. Ink stuck his tongue out at him. Rude. “i tHoUgHt yOu wErE SeArChInG FoR My pReSeNt. DiD YoU GeT BoReD AlReAdY? iT'S OnLy bEeN FoUr dAyS. yOu uSuAlLy lAsT LoNgEr tHaN ThIs.”

Ink huffed. “I have been! I’ve been looking nonstop all this time! I swear I’ve searched the entire Doodle Sphere, but I can’t find anything out of place! At least give me a hint, Error. Please~!”

Error rolled his eyes and turned back to his meal. The shutters were more than half destroyed at this point. Oh, well. “tHaT SoUnDs lIkE A PeRsOnAl pRoBlEm tO Me. I'M NoT GoInG To gIvE YoU AnY HiNtS UnTiL It's bEeN At lEaSt a wEeK.”

Ink’s pout was really something to behold. He had no idea what it looked like, but it usually worked on Error like nothing else would. Of course, for it to work Error would have to actually see it. Right now he couldn’t. Thus, the pokes would begin. They were spaced just far enough apart and just firm enough that Error couldn’t ignore them. Ink also moved the spot he was poking all around Error’s back at random so he couldn’t get used to the sensation in a particular place.

Error groaned and spun around to face him, annoyance in his eyes. “fInE! wHaT Is iT YoU WaNt tO KnOw, SqUiD?”

Ink grinned. Yes! Score! He won, and now he could ask… what’d he want to ask again? “Um…”

The glitch rolled his eyes. “tYpIcAl. HoW CaN YoU SaY YoU'Ve sEaRcHeD ThE EnTiRe dOoDlE SpHeRe iF YoU CaN'T EvEn rEmEmBeR WhAt wE'Re tAlKiNg aBoUt fOr tEn mInUtEs?”

A lightning bulb went off in his head. “Oh! Yeah! How is it that you can hide something in the Doodle Sphere that I know like the back of my hand? You’ve only spent a little bit of time there before, and it’s huge!” Error looked down. Ink followed his eyes to see his gloved hand. Oh, yeah. He didn’t exactly know what the back of his hand looked like, did he? “Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best metaphor, but you know what I mean!”

Error chuckled. “yEs, I Do. Do yOu, tHoUgH?”

It was Ink’s turn to glare. “Wow, rude. What have you been doing while I’ve been searching alone, hanging out with the Bad Sanses again?”

“wHo sAiD YoU WeRe sEaRcHiNg aLoNe?” Error said, and then he froze. Ink grinned triumphantly. Ah hah! Error had been following him, had he? “...CrAp, I ShOuLdN'T HaVe sAiD ThAt.”

“Too late, Mr. Stalker! What were you even doing following me around? Making sure I didn’t find it?” Ink asked, not really expecting an answer.

“mAyBe…” Error admitted.

Ink narrowed his eyes. “And how were you doing that? You weren’t distracting me because I didn’t see you there, so what…?”

“oKaY, oKaY! i wAs mOvInG It, OkAy? AnY TiMe yOu gOt cLoSe tO ThE PrEsEnT I WoUlD MoVe iT SoMePlAcE ElSe. I DiDn't wAnT YoU FiNdInG It tOo sOoN, dId i?” Error finally admitted the infuriating truth.

“Cheater!” Ink accused the monster he loved, “That’s cheating! No fair!”

Error rolled his eyes. “oH, tHaT'S So mAtUrE, iNk. It's nOt lIkE YoU DiDn't cHeAt lAsT TiMe, EiThEr. ReCrUiTiNg yOuR ViSiTiNg dOpPlEgAnGeR In oRdEr tO MaKe mE ThInK YoU'Ve fIgUrEd oUt hOw tO BrEaK PhYsIcS WiThOuT MaGiC Is sO ChEaTiNg.”

Ink huffed. “Fine then. I still think this is too much. You owe me a favor for this!”

“fInE,” Error huffed back at him, “wHaT KiNd oF FaVoR DiD YoU HaVe iN MiNd? dId yOu wAnT Me tO KnIt yOu sOmEtHiNg? PuT AnOtHeR UnIvErSe oN ThE UnToUcHaBlE LiSt?”

Ink’s triumphant grin returned. “I want you to show me where this present is!”

Error blinked at him. Ink knew that expression. It was one of bewilderment. “tHaT'S AlL? yOu jUsT WaNt mE To hElP YoU FiNd mY PrEsEnT? rEaLlY?”

“Yeah!” Ink said with a smile. “I didn’t say it was going to be a big favor, and I want to know!”

“Do yOu wAnT Me tO Do tHaT NoW?” Error asked, still stunned.

“Yeah! Come on, Glitchy, let’s go!” Ink said, grabbing Error’s hand and pulling out Broomy. He was just about to spill some ink for a portal when Error pulled his hand out of Ink’s. The artist eyed Error with confusion in his eyes.

“tHeRe's nO FuCkInG WaY We'rE TaKiNg oNe oF YoUr pOrTaLs. ThEy mAkE Me sIcK To mY StOmAcH,” Error complained, sticking his tongue out and cocking his hand to act. “i'm gOiNg tO OpEn mY OwN PoRtAl. If yOu sTiLl wAnT To uSe yOuR MoNsTrOsItY YoU CaN. i'lL MeEt yOu aT ThE HoUsE.”

With that, Error stepped through a glitching portal into the gold-tinted landscape. Ink quickly dove in after him. He had intended to roll to his feet, but he misjudged the height of the portal off the ground and ended up planting face-first into the dirt. He spat out a mouthful of dirt and grass. It didn’t taste too bad, honestly. It was just… weird. Granulated and chlorophyll-y. Yep, definitely weird.

“aRe yOu dOnE EaTiNg tHe fUcKiNg dIrT Or aRe yOu gOiNg bAcK FoR AnOtHeR MoUtHfUl?” Error’s glitchy voice asked from above him. Ink jumped up, spat out another piece of grass, and smiled at the monster who fascinated him more than any other. As was typical for him, Error said, “wOw, YoUr tEeTh aRe aLmOsT A PrOpEr cOlOr nOw! StIlL ToO BlUe, BuT ThAt's tO Be eXpEcTeD. yOu nEvEr cOuLd mAnAgE A PrOpEr yElLoW, eVeN ThAt tImE YoU TrIeD To dReSs uP As mE FoR ThE CoStUmE BaLl. ReAlLy, WhAtEvEr mAdE YoU ThInK My tEeTh aRe tHe sAmE CoLoUr aS MaRmAlAdE?”

Ink tapped his chin, trying to remember whatever event Error was talking about. He couldn’t. “Did that really happen, or are you making something up again?”

Error grinned, “i'm mAkInG SoMeThInG Up.”

“Oh. Yay.” Ink said it with as little emotion as he could get without taking paint thinner. “Can we go find my present now?”

Error rolled his eye lights, but he couldn’t hide the smile on his face. “yEaH, yOu rAiNbOw bAsTaRd. We cAn gO FiNd yOuR PrEsEnT. fOlLoW Me.” He turned on his heel and walked to the edge of the island. Then he leapt up to the next one.

Ink rolled his eye lights and just used his paint. It was so much faster! He could just use the puddles of paint that every island had and teleport without needing to jump.

They went between enough islands that Ink had forgotten what they were searching for. All he knew was that he was following Error somewhere. When he saw it, though, he knew exactly what it was. The nest was hanging between Pediatale #002 and Underhood #410. It looked amazing! It was huge, and it was full of pillows, and it was cool!

Ink found himself getting so happy that he started floating. He giggled, the extreme amount of happiness he was using overriding any fear that he might drift away. Then that teeny bit of fear vanished when Error’s strings wrapped around his ankle.

“dOn't fLoAt aWaY NoW, sQuId. GeT BaCk dOwN HeRe aNd cUdDlE WiTh mE!” Error demanded.

Ink giggled some more and complied. He let Error’s strings tow him into the nest, where he floated down to Error’s side. He nestled into the soft, fluffy bed of the nest and sighed. This was just about perfect.

[eury--dice]

history, huh?

chapter 3: propius

(check the rb for chapters 1 + 2 on tumblr + ao3 links!)

Adam was woken at 5 o’clock on the dot with a series of sharp knocks on his door. “Up and Adam,” Gansey’s voice called, making the one stupid dad joke that always set Adam’s blood to a boil. He was too tired to react, however.

“Kindly leave until a later time,” he called, his voice heavy with sleep. “I don’t have class for another three hours.”

Gansey opened the door anyway, striding in with more pep than anyone should have in the morning.

“You’ve made the tabloids, my friend. Your weekend with Ronan finally hit.”

“Did you sleep at all?”

“Nope,” Gansey said cheerfully. “‘From America, With Love: Ronan and Adam flaunt friendship.’” He turned on his heel once he’d crossed the length of the room, which Adam could never forget was formerly Malia Obama’s, and seated himself in Adam’s desk chair.

Adam had never been closer to considering strangulation. He elected to shove his hearing ear into his pillow instead.

Unfortunately, the muffled sounds of Gansey speaking still made their way in. “‘Photos: Adam’s Weekend in England,’ oh, that’s boring…ah-hah: ‘New Bromance Alert? Pics of FSOTUS and Prince Ronan.’”

Adam resigned himself to his fate and mentally promised himself a giant cup of coffee. “As long as I’m getting fewer death threats on Twitter, I’m happy,” he mumbled into his blankets.

Gansey ignored him. “Why are you so tired? It’s the hour of kings, time to be awake and alive.”

“I’d settle for dead if it meant I could sleep at this point, to be frank.”

“Please don’t be frank. Be Adam.”

Adam sat up, eyeing Gansey in his wire-framed glasses with disdain. “Any more puns and I suffocate myself with this pillow.”

“Please don’t,” Gansey said, but his eyes had already returned to his screen. While he read through the articles, he continued his line of questioning. “Working on the campaign late last night?”

“Not really,” Adam admitted. “I had a Press and the Presidency paper to write.”

“Just write ‘I’m Adam Parrish’ on a piece of loose-leaf paper to turn it in and you’ll probably get an A. You live it every day, for Christ’s sake.”

“And yet I still need to cite sources in Chicago Advanced.”

“You’d think nepotism would work out more in your favor.” He flicked to a fresh article, a gesture Adam only recognized from all the other times Gansey had done it. “Luckily, I think the press is eating this one up.”

Adam grimaced. “Fantastic.”

“Not-campaign-ruining, you mean.”

“That too, I suppose.” He wanted nothing more than to flop back against his pillows and get the sleep his body so desperately craved after being jet lagged for a week, but he fought the urge.

“That _ People _exclusive takes the cake, I think. I didn’t realize how much you cherished your relationship with Ronan.”

“Fuck off, please. Or end my misery.”

“No to both. Why are you even taking that press course?”

Adam slid out from under his blankets, rolling his shoulders to try and wake up more. “Curiosity, I guess. It never hurts to learn more of what not to do.”

Gansey looked up from his phone to level a glance at Adam. “And what have you learned so far?”

“…Don’t have a sex scandal?”

“You _ would _need someone to tell you that.”

_ “Hey,” _Adam said, affecting outrage.

Gansey lifted his thumb to run over his lower lip, tilting his head consideringly. “One of us three will probably have a scandal before your mother’s second term is up.”

“If there is a second.”

“Chin up, young padawan. With you working on it we’re guaranteed.”

“I don’t know, Gansey,” Adam replied. “I don’t think I’m the good luck charm you believe in.”

“Of course you are,” Gansey said. “We won the first time, no?”

Adam glanced exaggeratedly around the room and to the phone in Gansey’s hand. “I’d say so. That or we’re about to get questioned very thoroughly about the the events of last three years.”

“Don’t make me cut you off on the true-crime videos.”

His eyes narrowed, focusing on Gansey. “Don’t you dare.”

“Blue agrees, anyway,” Gansey said, successfully deflecting topics. “Said there’s a ninety-four percent chance you’ll get into a sex scandal before the general.”

“Both of you date more than I do, why am I the one who’s supposedly having a sex scandal?” Once his initial outrage passed, disbelief crept in at the time of day. “Did you just text Blue at five AM and get a response? How the hell did you manage that?”

“She’s been up,” Gansey dismissed. Adam stared at him for a moment, and then Gansey seemed to feel the weight of his stare. His eyes widened almost comically. “Oh, Christ, no, not that. Nate Silver asked for another set of eyes on the Superbowl predictions, and she’s trying to get a shoo-in with them before the primaries begin. I just brought her some coffee.”

“And you didn’t bring me any?”

“You’re the only one of us who hasn’t been up all night. You need coffee the least of all of us.”

“Don’t blame me for your bad decisions.” Adam squinted at Gansey. “Were you working on an article all night or something?”

He snorted. “Hardly. They’ve been blocking all of my pieces. Too far from my mother’s politics, too far from your mother’s, too controversial, too critical, all in that order.”

“Thought you were liking the _ Post _gig?”

“On paper,” Gansey dismissed. “I’ve defaulted to writing about Welsh history.”

“Sounds like it’s right up your alley, then.”

“Once again, on paper.”

“How do you even connect the Welsh to the hellscape of American politics?”

Gansey waved a hand. “‘Eternal spirit,’ ‘fighting for honor,’ ‘remembering Glendower and others who set a pristine model,’ et cetera, et cetera.”

“People read that? That just sounds like you in high school spouting off again.”

“Yes, Adam. People read it.” Gansey squinted at his phone again. “Twitter _ really _likes you and Ronan together.”

“We’re exciting,” Adam said dryly, reaching for his laptop. He scanned over his most recent paper while Gansey dramatically narrated replies to the gif of them on _ This Morning. _

“‘Either of them could stab me and give me one of those smiles and I’d thank them,’ Jesus Christ,” Gansey read, “They really love your fake smiles… ‘name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait,’ hm, maybe any other duo? ‘Oh my God, just _ kiss already.’” _

Adam choked out a laugh as Gansey punctuated the last one with a dramatic and uncharacteristic hand wave. “At least it’s working,” he allowed, shutting his laptop once he felt secure about his essay. “Now get out. _ Some _of us have places to be.”

Adam’s phone buzzed on his way out of his cursed Presidency and the Press course.

Somehow, the interest of those around him seemed to pique even higher when he looked at his phone instead of in front of him. It wasn’t a new sensation by any means; ever since starting at Georgetown, he’d felt eyes on him constantly, but the intensity increased tenfold each time his classmates thought he was too occupied to see them staring. He noticed every time, but of course nothing could be done about it.

The name _ HRH shitty bird boy _ popped across his screen. How strange - in only a week, he’d almost entirely forgotten that the name he had (quite maturely) given Ronan in his phone was… _ that. _As he swiped the notification open, he felt a certain amount of trepidation as to what a technology-averse prince would ever text him about.

His harassment and emergency fears flew out the window with the body of the text, simply a screenshot of their tabloid appearance with the added caption of _ youre the nerd and I’m the cool jock. _

_ Competitive yachting? _Adam asked in response, nearly tripping over his own feet while typing.

_ ffs i told them to stop writing that as my preferred sport. _

Adam felt his lips twist against his will.

_ I’m sorry, this is a common problem? _

_ you can’t even imagine. _

_ I appreciate that they consider competitive yachting a regal sport. _

_ status symbols and faux athleticism are the core of the monarchy. _

Adam blinked down at his phone, stopping short abruptly. Persephone, from behind him, adjusted accordingly.

He…hadn’t been expecting this. Any of it. The text, the almost-joking response, the casual statement about the monarchy being ridiculous despite him being in it. Their conversation ended there, and it was probably for the better. He resumed his pace, trying to get to his next class. He almost forgot about the texts, too; save for a rogue screenshot Adam sent him of speculation on Ronan’s presence in Majorca, nothing else went between them.

Sometimes, Adam could _ just barely _ get away with being on his phone during briefings with Maura. He hated to be distracted during them - they were _ important, _he knew that, but all the same occasionally she spent a particularly long time covering an obscure dignitary’s comments and he’d gotten too few hours of sleep to truly focus and someone or other was blowing up his phone.

Maura’s topic of conversation this week appeared to be a series of Buzzfeed articles run on the lack of pets in the First Family, complete with a power point dissecting their points

The glamorous side of politics, truly. Discussing a clickbait series in the West Wing briefing room.

_ iMessage chat to _ ** HRH shitty bird boy **

_ Resumed 30 October, 2019, 1:47 pm _

_ if you want a pet chainsaw dragged in a mouse the other day _

_ Ah yes, the mouse. A pet eternally beloved by constituents. _

_ we can’t all have a raven, that would be unfair _

_ Your heights of cool and goth are truly dizzying. _

_ im glad you agree _

_ Modest, too. _

_ it comes with the wealth and fame _

_ As long as you’re being straight with me, feel free to be as ‘modest’ as you like. _

_ i’m the prince of bloody england. i’m straight all the damn time _

_ That’s the biggest lhxemxlp_

His phone slipped from between his fingers, landing with a dull _ thud _onto the wooden floor. Adam stared helplessly at it, a sleek black rectangle hiding between types of oak. But Maura repeated his name, and he suddenly remembered what had made him drop his phone in the first place. He dragged his eyes up, staring at a spot on the sterile white wall just beyond Maura’s head.

“Adam,” she said a third time, but he refused to look her in the eyes. She conceded immediately. “What the hell?”

He felt his cheeks darken as blood found its way up. “I’m sorry.”

Her lips thinned just like Blue’s did, turning into a dark line on her brown face. “Do you even remember what I was saying?”

“Er…” he scrambled. “Don’t mention animals in any public setting?”

She looked at him for a long moment, then picked up a mug of coffee and took a controlled sip.

“Get out?” she said once she’d swallowed her sip.

“I-”

She pointed to the door. “I am impossibly busy. Take your phone and go laugh in private.”

He nodded once, finally, ducking under the table with his spine pressed against the bottom to grab his phone. His fingers closed around it, grip the edge of the wood, and he was up in a second.

He couldn’t regret it.

Because - well, here was the weird thing.

He wanted another text from Ronan.

_ iMessage chat to _ ** HRH shitty bird boy **

_ Resumed 31 October, 2019, 12:03 am _

_ it’s finally spooky day in your hell country _

_ Isn’t it 5 am in England? _

_ Do you ever sleep? _

_ bold of you to ask that question _

_ halloween, bitch _

_ it waits for no one _

_ I’m really going to have to advocate better habits. _

_ I understand, you’re enthused for Halloween. _

_ do you even care at all _

_ I enjoy halloween like everyone else. _

_ Though your level of excitement feels a little pagan? _

when the skeleton army rises Jesus will forgive me

_ appreciate this glorious day parrish _

_ I have enough fear in my daily life, thanks. _

_ I filed my own taxes all throughout highschool. _

_ And payed rent. _

_ The horrors of early adulthood. _

_terrifying _

_ terrible i’ll never deal with that shit _

_ You’re the prince, we know. _

_ Do you also not have enough horror in your life? _

of course i do

_ but parrish. listen. _

_ this is the one day a year all the monarchy and parliament dress as they are in life _

_ hideous monsters _

He laughed a little harder at that than he should have.

_ You’re telling me the monarchy plays dress up. _

_ ronan_frankensteins_monser_costume.jpg _

_ matthew insisted. did this on me an hour ago _

_ oh my god _

The makeup _ was _really good, and the monstrous look suited him, but hell if Adam ever said that to him.

He may have saved it to his phone, though, to glimpse Ronan’s green-paint covered skin and crooked, drawn-on stitch smile on his perfectly blank face.

Although Adam certainly didn’t intend to make a habit of texting the Prince of England, when he saw a funny bird or a stupid article or an obscure meme his first thought became _I should send that to Ronan. _And Ronan, clearly, was thinking along the same lines. The sheer number of sole emojis that seemed to tell a Ronan-centric story he received at all hours only affirmed that. And somehow, between all the pictogramme and jokes, he started to learn snatches of information. Declan was a better storyteller than Ronan, Matthew was the only person who could make Ronan attend family dinners ever since their father died, and his mother - the Queen of England, Adam had to remind himself sometimes - drew further away every day.

The problem became that he always wanted to know _ more, _and Adam didn’t know if that was due to his rampant curiosity or something else buried deep inside of him, and he was too afraid of what he might uncover by digging to look.

Adam had very few friends.

Most of that came with the territory of being part of the First Family; nothing made casual acquaintances drift away quite like being constantly surveilled by Secret Service agents and trailed by NDAs. Adam didn’t have time for small talk and coffee, a fact which he sometimes lamented and often loved. Part of this came from the type of friendship he became accustomed to with Gansey and Blue, the all-encompassing type of friendship that took over their minds in spare moments and forged ties stronger than steel between them. He’d probably forgotten how to have normal, casual friends, not friends an outsider would think he was completely in love with. And, perhaps more than anything else, it came back down to Robert Parrish and his heavy hands and ringing words. Adam’s memories of his first few years were scattered and inconsistent, but they filled up a too-large corner of his brain all the same. Blue, who entered his life at the tender age of 5, had won his trust with greater ease than their other peers, and Gansey had done the same in high school. They knew him and what he’d been through, and so they could (platonically) love him for all that he was. When campaigning and political office came into the mix, that full truth of Adam Parrish became a secret to guard like any else.

But, oddly enough, Adam had a third friend: Noah Czerny, the thirty-three-year-old baby of the Senate.

Noah and Adam met through an Aglionby networking event while Adam was a student and Noah a recently-elected congressperson, both green as grass in different ways. Adam, thrown neck-deep into a Presidential campaign, had questions, and most of the time Noah had answers. Although all of the professors had warned Adam to proceed cautiously with Czerny, Adam found nothing to fear. Noah had mellowed out quite a bit from his high school days, becoming a familiar face at political events and a surprisingly-wise piece of advice always at the ready. Despite Adam’s near hero-worship of this brand-new politician, half-Mexican just like him and just as frequent to lose sleep rewriting policies that unjustly taxed communities of color or defunded children’s education, they’d formed an improbable bond. The summer before his sophomore year, Noah let Adam closer to the politics process than even his mother had as he ran for the Senate, and Adam took to it almost at once. A politician twelve years his senior was perhaps not a conventional choice of friend, but Adam seldom remained conventional.

It wasn’t too out of the ordinary for Adam to arrive at Noah’s congressional office unannounced, either with business or without, and so when Adam rounded on Noah’s stark, bright, white office, he wasn’t at all surprised to see him ducked over an obscene number of papers.

“It’s Friday night,” Noah said without looking up, barely before Adam had even crossed into the office. As always, the tiny burst of color in the Pride flag deposited in a tourist mug drew Adam’s eye for a long moment before Noah himself did. All Adam could see of him was his brown curls, resolutely held in place even as bent over a desk. “Go party or something.”

“Damn, I didn’t _ think _ this looked like a frat. I knew something was off.” Adam slid into one of the seats across the desk. He had several inches on Noah, but he always felt smaller in those chairs across from the most important legislators in the country. “What’s got you here at eight PM?” Off of Noah’s brief, incredulous look, he amended to _ “this _particular time, I know. You’re salaried. Shouldn’t you…ever go home?”

“I’m trying to get something done so that there’s at least a hope of banning fracking in our lifetimes.”

Adam scoffed quietly, though not for lack of faith in Noah. “Let me know when you’ve cracked the code.”

_ “If, _but sure, I’ll be in contact. Now, why are you here?”

“You didn’t answer my leaving-the-building question.”

Noah’s eyes flickered shut briefly. “Jesus, Adam, I am salaried by the taxpayers of millions of Americans. I’m not going to slack on them.”

“Fine, but don’t make me drag Gansey in here to make you take a long nap and drink some hot soup.”

Adam’s phone buzzed, but he ignored it; despite it being almost 1 am in England, Ronan could presumably take the blame. Noah asked, “Did you catch the Fox town hall last night?”

Adam grimaced. He’d seen part of it, trying to multitask with his macroeconomics homework at the same time, but instead he’d fallen asleep with his head on the laptop screen. “Part of it. It was a shitshow.”

“You can say that again.”

“I honestly thought that Whelk would pull more support from the extremists. He just seemed desperate last night.”

“Oh, he definitely was.” Noah leaned away from his desk, appraising Adam as though considering his words carefully. “We went to school together.”

“Aglionby?” Adam asked. He knit his eyebrows together. “How did I not realize he went there?”

“The school doesn’t exactly love toting him.”

“He’s older than you, though, right?”

“Yes, Adam,” Noah said slowly. “I’m thirty-three. He’s already announced a bid for President. How old do you have to be to run for executive office?”

Adam scowled. “I just came from class, I can’t use my brain. He was a senior when you were a freshman?”

“Yep,” Noah replied. “We were paired in upperclassmen-lowerclassmen bonding.” His lip curled a little. “He outed me.”

“Wait, _ what?” _

“He outed me to the school,” Noah repeated. He looked back down to the papers on his desk, his voice softening to a barely audible level. “I trusted him, which was a dumb thing to do, but I was a really stupid freshman. Scared, too. He was a friendly personality.”

_ “Fuck,” _Adam said, pushing a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, that’s…”

“Terrible?” A bit of Noah’s life returned to him. “Don’t worry about it, kid. It was years ago.”

“But then…Whelk, he was the reason you…?”

“He didn’t make my parents react the way they did. They did that on their own. But no, they wouldn’t have known without him.”

Adam shook his head. “I thought it wasn’t possible to like the guy less, if only because of his politics, but he’s done it.”

“Done what? Received the full wrath of Adam Parrish?”

“He very well may.”

“Don’t worry about him. Whelk will be out soon, believe me. I know him. He may have his parent’s money, but he’s barely old enough to hold office and he’s running on fumes.”

“If he’s not, I’ll convince Blue to skew stats until he is.” Noah knew just as well as Adam that that wouldn’t change anything, but it lightened the air anyway. “It seems kind of pointless to entertain any of them. Greenmantle is probably going to win no matter what.”

Colin Greenmantle: former antique collector, congressperson from Massachusetts, and millionaire with the funds to take over the Republican primary, and very possibly the whole election, before any papers were even filed.

“It’s early,” Noah said. “Too early to worry about it. Too early to even be _ talking _ about it.”

Adam slanted a half-smile at him. “Never too early to worry about an election.”

Noah looked back to his papers before broaching the next topic. “I hear you’ve got a job on your mother’s re-election campaign.”

“Once I graduate, and maybe a little earlier, yeah.”

Noah cast a glance around the office. “Are you sure this is the life you want?”

Adam knew he was referring to the constant bustle, the fear of disappointing and harming instead of helping, and the ever-evolving media scrutiny. He knew it was the closest Noah would give to a warning. “I’m sure.”

Noah sighed. “Fine.” He pointed to the door. “But I won’t let you throw your youth away, not this early. After you graduate, Parrish. Go get drunk and make out with someone.”

Adam stood, his frame unfolding and standing tall. “You are a terrible role model.”

“Can’t hear you over the loud music.”

“You and Blue and Gansey - if I die of alcohol poisoning, it’s all your fault.”

“Feel free to blame, so long as you’re out there and not here.”

“Alright, alright, Jesus. You’ve made your point.”

“Finally,” Noah called after Adam’s retreating form. But Adam could hear the amusement in his voice all the same.

For someone so allergic and averse to technology, Ronan sure seemed to share a lot with Adam.

_ iMessage chat to _ ** HRH shitty bird boy **

_ Resumed 13 Novemeber, 2019, 8:38 pm _

_ bird.m4a _

_ she wont stop nuzzling my head?? _

_ Picking for lice, probably. _

_ God knows you have so many. _

_ my scalp is perfectly clean _

_ Forgive me for abstaining from running my hands over it all the same. _

_ I’ll leave that to her. _

He didn’t always respond, though.

Adam tried not to read into it.

(He mostly succeeded.)

Adam never tired of stepping into the Oval Office. On the Wednesday right before Thanksgiving, he stepped in with the same amount of awe he always had, allowing himself a single moment to glance around at the wide windows and perfectly upholstered furniture. He sat on one of the couches without preamble.

His mother looked up from what was in front of her on the desk and smiled, albeit a tired one that frayed a bit at the corners; Adam had seen a few particularly troublesome foreign dignitaries be escorted away not long before, so he didn’t have to guess at the reason. Ana looked like she belonged to sit right there amongst all the history at that desk, from the sun dipping just beneath her halo of hair straightened within an inch of its life and her stick-straight posture. It might have been a lot at times, but seeing her was a reminder of all the good that came from her position.

She rose and walked to join him, her heels clacking lightly at the ground before she sank onto the cushion beside him and pulled him into a loose hug. Adam had overtaken Ana in height some years before, but there had been a long gap in there as he grew - like one day he was three and a half feet tall and wrapped tightly in her arms and the next he was off to Georgetown and several heads taller. She pulled away after a minute, slowly and bit-by-bit as though savoring her moments as a mother rather than a president. Her hand reached to muss his hair a moment later, and Adam ducked away instinctively before exchanging an identical grin with her.

“God, I forgot how light your hair looks in here,” she said, leaning back a little. “Almost golden.” She tilted her head as though examining him. “Nah. Still brown. But much lighter.”

“How could you forget? The photo here was in _ GQ, _the same article that first declared me the family golden boy.” At the corner of their conversation was the knowledge of where he’d inherited that hair color, as it sure as hell wasn’t from Ana. But he let the thought stay buried, patting the dirt back down with the shovel himself. Their relationship always had an absence in it, and he didn’t particularly feel like deepening it in the Oval Office.

“Ah, so that’s the one I have to blame for your big head,” she responded, reaching for a piece of fruit from the little coffee table. It was a familiar half-jest, borne from Adam’s constant contradicting confidence and imposter syndrome. Idiosyncrasies were just Adam’s style, never one to make things easy for himself. He sometimes wondered if so much of himself conflicted because he tried to walk the middle road so often, balancing his weight over all sides to minimize the damage if the rug was yanked from beneath him, like lying down on a bed of nails: a thousand tiny, dull pains over one sharp, potentially fatal puncture. She smiled again. “Is Noah doing well?”

“For Noah he is. He would barely look up from some new reports on fracking, seems hopeful he’ll be able to garner enough support.”

Ana snorted. “Good luck with that. I’ll be shocked if it reaches the floor for debate.”

“That makes three of us, then.” He nodded towards the desk. “Bad meeting?”

The frown lines on her face deepened. “Don’t get me started,” she drawled, falling back fully against the cushions. After only a moment, she _ did _ get started regardless of what Adam did or didn’t do. “We received the memo a few days ago that a delegation from Sweden wanted to be in contact, right? Fairly standard stuff, Maura gets back to them quickly because they worded it like it was an urgent matter, and there’s a back and forth for a while about scheduling and accommodations. We’re of the belief they won’t be out here until Monday at the earliest.”

Adam knit his eyebrows together. “It’s not Monday.”

“You fuckin’ tell me. Anyway, I’m halfway through a meeting with a few UN representatives when Maura has to interrupt. They arrived at the White House, claimed they had a meeting, and just…didn’t leave. Evan Maura couldn’t get through to them, which is the thing that scared me a little.”

“You should have put Calla on it.”

“Believe me, if she were here, I would’ve. But as it was, I had to hurry out the UN members to deal with decidedly more antagonistic foreign relations.”

“Why were they even here?”

“They wanted to discuss the military relationship between our countries-”

“What the hell?”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” she said, waving one hand in dismissal. “Any points they were trying to make went straight out the window when they started pulling out cue cards, to be honest. I might have to call Löfven to smooth things over.”

“Well, there’s never a dull moment,” Adam said fairly. His mother snorted.

“Sure isn’t. Anyway,” she said, glancing at her watch, “it’s now Thanksgiving, so no more meetings for twenty-four hours.”

“It’s Wednesday.”

She pulled a face in dismissal. “We take our patriotism seriously, darlin’. Don’t want our home state gettin’ too mad.”

“Of course.”

Ana checked her watch again. “The turkeys will be on their way to the Willard by now, so we’re not ruining any American traditions today.”

“Wait,” Adam said. “Where?”

She looked at him, her eyes narrowing. “The Willard. They stay there every year.”

“What? No. _ No. _You cannot give the turkeys five-star accommodations with taxpayer dollars. You’ve been doing this every year?!”

“It’s public knowledge, sugar. Every news outlet mentions it.”

“How did I not-” Adam cut off. “There is no way you can do that! They’re turkeys! It’s a waste!”

“It’s precedent, Adam. I’m not sure if there’s anything to be done at this point.”

Adam stood quickly, pacing back and forth, and his mother stood behind him. “It’s a _ blatant _waste of money, I’m shocked we haven’t already been-”

“Hon, every president so far has done the same-”

“Imagine the story if we broke the tradition! Even conservatives would have to applaud your frugality-”

“We can’t play games with tradition, you know they already call us disrespectful-”

“-we can’t be using _ taxpayer money-” _

“-by all means, if you have the time to find lodging for two forty-pound turkeys-”

“Put them in my room!” Adam blurted. His mother stopped short.

“You’re not serious,” she said. “We’re not putting the turkeys for me to pardon in your bedroom.”

“Yes, we are.”

“Adam-”

He shifted his feet, coming to a stop. He lifted himself up to his full height. Debate Captain Adam, six-time Best Delegate Adam, and First Son Adam converged into one. His mother barely looked phased.

“Oh, God,” his mother said. “I can’t listen to another sales pitch.”

“Madame President,” Adam began, “I’d like to echo the sentiments of the forebears before me-”

“Nope,” she said, making double-time back to her desk. “You’re not going to filibuster me.”

“In 2018 alone, at least forty-three articles in the Wall Street Journal accused the sitting administration of wasting tax dollars. This came on the heels of a tax increase for Americans making more than ten million dollars per year and the subsequent pushback from a more conservative electorate in Congress.”

“Fine!” Ana said, her hand falling to the desk with a thump. She brought it back up to her head to massage her temple a moment later. “I’m too tired to hear my own history read back at me. You win.”

He sat back down on the couch, crossing his legs primly. “Perfect,” he said, allowing himself to smile once again.

[jubilantwriter]

No Idiots Were Harmed in the Making of His Reality

(AO3)  (First)  (Epilogue)

Summary:  The gang goes to an unnamed popular fast food joint after Pico commits mass murder in the name of protecting his duo of idiots.  And this is the thanks he gets.

Or:  An unfortunate fast food employee gets the misfortune of meeting the trio in their finest hour.

Word Count:  2127

////

There’s only so much a job description can prepare one for.  For instance: making burgers, serving customers, taking orders, so on and so forth.  That’s what this minimum wage job suggested she would be doing.  But it didn’t come with the fine print.  It didn’t tell her that she’d be making burgers, sandwiches, chicken nuggets, fries, so on and so forth under pressure as customers ranged from dead-inside but patient patrons to Karen levels of impatient and entitled.  There’s caveats, little sidebars, unmentioned stressors that go overlooked because her job is solely to serve the people shitty, shitty burgers.

And it barely even helps her pay rent.  The things she’s seen on the job only serves to make her wonder how long it’ll take for her to become either bitter and jaded or completely desensitized by the bullshit this hellish existence can throw at her.  Maybe it’ll be a mix of both.

The door opens and swings shut with a heavy, muted thud.  Cashier Girl looks up, already exhausted two hours into her shift as she catches sight of the next batch of cus-

Oh.  Oh no.  Oh no, they look like trouble.

A tall, bubbly young lady in a figure hugging dress smiles sweetly in that, “I’m going to try really hard not to create problems on purpose for you”, sort of way, which happens to be Cashier Girl’s favorite kind of customer.  Granted, this girl looks nothing like trouble.  She looks like the exact opposite of trouble.  But the two men she has in tow makes Cashier Girl think twice about lowering her guard around the pretty girl.  

Standing next to her is some dude with cyan-colored hair, a red cap turned backwards in a very dudebro kind of way.  He dresses sloppily, like he just rolled out of bed and threw on whatever happened to be in reach, which also just so happened to be the same clothes he wore the day before.  His clearly white shirt is stained with something… she hopes is nothing but the results of him being a messy eater.  Or maybe he got into a knife fight and won?  That has to be the answer for the mysterious, rusty stains and splatters on the right side of his shirt.  

However, the one who really sets off her anxiety radar is the taller young man standing next to the cyan shortie.  The guy is covered in blood.  Not only that, but she’s pretty sure he’s toting at least two guns on his person.  And to top it off, he’s wearing a sweater vest and a turtleneck in this kind of weather!  Granted, it is a bit chilly, but that level of layering just feels like overkill.  He glowers with his arms folded over his chest, clearly hating everything about this experience.  Is that dried blood on his face?  That is absolutely dried blood all over his face.

Cashier Girl sucks in a deep breath through her teeth and puts on a well practiced smile.  “Hello!  May I take your order?”

“Yes please!  Um,” the lady in red nudges the shorter man with a smile, “what were we going to order again?”

“Beep!”

...Beep?

“Oh!  Right!  Can we get the 2 for $5 deal?”

She could understand all of that from a single beep?!  “Of course!  And what would you like?”

“Badoop.”  The cyan-haired man nudges the blood covered ginger, and boy, did it look like Little Boy Blue was poking a stick at an angry bear.  “Skdeep!”

Having been in the industry for a long, two years has given Cashier Girl the ability to see when someone is about to take a dive into the deep end fairly quickly.  The ginger twitches an eye, lips pulled into a snarl as he breathes out a little too deeply.  Not quite like a sigh, but like a bull about to charge headfirst into a china shop on purpose.  He sucks in a harsh breath through gritted teeth and hunches his shoulders up.  Oh wow, he’s really restraining himself.

“Just get me…”  And of course Probably a Murderer understood everything Little Boy Blue said.  “The nugs and burg.” 

With the way he’s restraining himself, she wants to believe that he once worked in the same industry as her.  No wonder he’s a murderer.  Good for him, good for him.  Doing what the rest of them can’t do.  

“Alright!  And is there anything else I can get for you?”

“Hmm.”   Pretty Miss Sunshine looks over to Little Boy Blue who shakes his head before turning back to face Cashier Girl.  “I think that’s it!”

“Alright, your total comes to $5.40.”  

“Beep!”  Little Boy Blue pipes up excitedly and starts digging around in, what she assumes is, his back pocket.  The short man pulls out a crumpled, moist-looking five dollar bill.  He straightens it out, and Cashier Girl swears that a good quarter of the bill is stained with blood.  Probably a Murderer must have noticed the blood too, because he suddenly stiffens and glares at Little Boy Blue.

“...Boyfriend.”  Oh shit, are they dating?  Is Miss Sunshine just a lady friend of theirs?  “Isn’t that the fuckin’ money I lent to you a couple weeks back?”

Oh damn.  Cashier Girl looks between Blue and Murderer, Blue either oblivious to Murderer’s growing rage or too wildly confident that the bloodstained ginger won’t actually hurt him.   As interesting as the tension may be, she still needs the forty cents to complete their order.

“Sir-”

“Ba beep!”  Boy Blue nods vigorously, but she knows it’s not towards her.  Murderer lets out a long, aggrieved sigh as he massages his temples.

“So.  You’re tellin’ me.”  He points to the money on the counter and back at Boy Blue.  “You spent… how long at my apartment?  Botherin’ me for some extra cash for food, refusin’ to leave for a good few hours, and then completely forgettin’ about gettin' the fuckin’ food you were supposed to get?  After I gave you the goddamn money?”

“Oh, I remember that day!”  Pretty Miss Sunshine speaks up a little too cheerily given the mood.  “We were supposed to get some Chinese takeout, so Boyfriend disappeared for a bit to ask you for some extra money since he was short some.”  Wait, are they all dating each other?  What the hell?  “But Boyfriend came back looking all happy and without any food, and when I asked where the food was, he said he totally forgot!  We ended up just using Daddy’s credit card since I remembered I still had it, so we still got food in the end.”  Miss Sunshine beams brightly at the flabbergasted Murderer.  “You don’t need to worry about that!”

“That’s not what I was pissed about!”  For a yell worthy statement, Murderer does an awfully good job at keeping his voice reasonably leveled in this shitty fast food restaurant.  “And you had a credit card this entire time?!  Why do you fucks keep comin’ over to my place to ask for cash?!”  

“Ohhh, well, Daddy took it back after he found out I still had it.  But now I’m borrowing from Mommy instead-”

“Oh, so you just have another credit card you could be usin’ instead of my money-”

“Excuse me,” Cashier Girl says as politely as possible, seeing how Murderer’s hand is twitching over one of his guns, “but you still haven’t paid the full amount.”

“Boop!”  Boy Blue quickly begins to dig through his pockets, his confident smirk slowly morphing into a stricken grimace as his movements grow more frantic.  “Sk-skido, bap de doop-”

“Do not fuckin’ tell me you do not have forty fuckin’ cents.”

Ohhhh shit.  Cashier Girl feels torn between wanting to see Murderer fucking snap because man, they really are just running his patience into the GROUND, and wanting her goddamn forty cents so that she can move on with these customers.  Murderer’s face turns a bright shade of red as he inhales a deep breath through his nostrils and breathes out heavily through gritted teeth once more, the process repeating a few times before he reaches for his back pocket and pulls out a ratty wallet that’s literally being held together with duct tape.  Quietly, they all watch as he shakes some coins out and carefully counts out forty cents exactly.

“There,” he says softly in that tone she recognizes from parents who are this close to losing their absolute shit towards their children, “five fucking dollars and forty cents.”

Cashier Girl looks up and sees Miss Sunshine finally starting to sweat just a bit.  Still, she keeps up her cheerful demeanor as she addresses Cashier Girl.  “I think we’re good now, right?”

“Uh, yes!”  She takes the money and tries to get a read on Murderer to see if this shift will be her last one, but he’s got his arms crossed as he stares directly ahead.  The stony expression can only spell doom for the two standing next to him.  “Your number is 69,” haha nice, “and your order will be out shortly!”

“Babeep!  Pi-!”  Blue probably tries to make the same comment that Cashier Girl internally made to Murderer, but he’s quickly shut down by the dark glare Murderer shoots down.  He quickly laughs nervously and clears his throat, rubbing his arm as he looks away sheepishly.  “H-hm…  bop.”  Blue takes the receipt and nods his thanks, going over to stand by one of the dividers with Miss Sunshine in tow.  Murderer, however, remains where he stands, now making uncomfortable eye-contact with her.  Anger still rolls off of him in waves, but she’s starting to wonder if being angry is just his default.

“Oi,” he begins, and she quickly glances behind him to see if there are any other customers behind him.  None.  She’s not sure if she’s disappointed or a bit glad that there’s no one standing behind him.  “Honest opinion - you think this joint is a good enough reward for savin’ their asses?”

Oh boy.  Cashier Girl has no idea what he means by “savin’ their asses”, but if he means it literally then…  She sucks in a breath through her teeth and tries not to grimace.  He grunts in response and squeezes his eyes shut with a humorless chuckle.  “Yeah, thought so.  Really shouldn’t have taken them at their word when they said, ‘their treat’.  Ain’t nothin’ been their treat so far.”

Oof.  That’s right.  That five was originally his that Boy Blue was supposed to pay back, and the forty cents were definitely his.  The guy basically treated himself by force.  They both share a silent look before he sighs heavily.  As much as she’d kind of like to hear more of this dude’s story and why he’s even friends (datemates?  They did call Little Boy Blue, “Boyfriend”, after all) with them, she still has a job to do, and chatting with customers for longer than a certain, nondescript time could get her in trouble.  However, much to her relief, the ginger takes the initiative wordlessly and wanders back to the pair, sulking in his blood soaked clothes.  

Despite clearly looking like a group of troublemakers (especially Murderer), the three keep to themselves, Blue and Sunshine chatting amongst themselves and nudging Murderer every once in a while in some dangerous gambit to get his attention.  Each time they do that, he grips his arms tightly, before stiffly looking over to them as they jabber on about something Cashier Girl can’t hear.  All he does is nod and look away, intent on focusing on some spot on the wall and practice what she assumes is deep breathing exercises.  For a dude covered in blood, he’s doing a real good job at showing restraint.

Finally, their number is called.  Little Boy Blue grabs the bag with glee and nods his thanks to her co-worker before heading back to the group.  He practically thrusts the bag into Murderer’s face, and the ginger looks ready to bite his hand off when he catches sight of Blue and Sunshine’s faces.  They both look so… genuinely hopeful?  Like some shitty nuggets and a burger will be enough to quell his fury.  Cashier Girl is about to suck in a sharp breath when his expression softens.  He takes the bag and almost manages a smile, before seeing the blood on Little Boy Blue’s clothes and hardening his expression back into an annoyed glower.

They all leave without much fanfare.  The door slams behind them as she hums to herself, thinking back to this strange group of people who made less trouble than she expected.  A smirk rises to her face before she schools it for the next batch of customers.  

At least she knows now why he still hangs out with those friends of his.  What a softie.

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

Winning Pair

Word Count: 1,800+ (oneshot) [AO3]

Genre: Romance/Fluff

Characters/Pairing: Nara Shikamaru/Temari

Summary: Shikamaru has come to a decision. The only part left is how to make it memorable for the love of his life.

Written for the Leaves in the Wind ShikaTema zine.

~0~

Shikamaru was grateful to his teammates for many things. But Ino and Choji realizing from the few times they’d noticed him and Temari together that they were seeing each other, keeping track of when Temari was going to be hanging around Konoha, and casually informing Shikamaru so he could make time to meet her there...Well. That was a quiet but special mark of the bond they shared. 

And here he’d been, under the impression that they had been real subtle about their relationships, too. Neither were big on flashy displays of affection, but he figured that there was nothing he could hide from his oldest friends. He would have to find some way to actually acknowledge that and thank them for it, especially after this, because a week prior to today, they had informed him that Temari would be staying in Konoha for a couple days. For some diplomatic task or another on her brother’s behalf; Shikamaru hadn’t really cared much for those details. 

What was important to him was that he’d gotten plenty of time to plan in advance the move he wanted to make. Always a nice thing, in both shogi and life. Most of his free time this week had been spent alone in silence planning, eyes closed and fingers interlaced. Or sitting with his father, over tea or dinner or game, discussing the matter. He had considered going to all of his friends about it. After all, they would end up becoming involved one way or another (Ino and Choji certainly already knew of, or at least suspected, his intentions), and some of them were already knowledgeable, even successful, in the art of courting. But no: Nara men did it differently. He and Temari did it differently. 

So, Shikamaru waited. He planned. He fine-tuned the details, like an artisan filing out the tiniest parts of an intricate wooden design. Such as the cube puzzle in his hands right now, that he was fiddling with as he sat at the back of his home to wait. He glanced upward every so often to watch the sun, and to track its progressing arc across the sky.

This was good. Clear sky, barely a single cloud out there. Bright light and visibility. Only the slightest of breezes out to disturb the air, barely even strong enough to ruffle his hair. He would never have called himself the sort of man who had real refined taste or appreciation for great beauty; he supposed he was just like his father in that way. But even so, he couldn’t help but think that he couldn’t have made a more perfect day if he had made a damn checklist for it. He’d made backup plans, of course, in case of rain or lightning, but he was glad he didn’t have to rely on them. This fit better with the scene in his head.

His girl was always the strict and professional sort on the job, and so she was perfectly on time today. Right when the sun moved a little past the highest point of its arc, he looked up and all of a sudden there was Temari’s silhouette up in front of him. The pale rays of light glinted off her bared-teeth grin. 

“Hey there, handsome. Have you really been sitting around here with that thing all day?”

Shikamaru set the puzzle box aside on the planks next to him. “Waiting around, yeah. How’d your meeting go?”

Temari waved her hand dismissively. “Just fine, same as always. I’m more interested in you.” 

“Yeah, I’ll bet,” he said, giving her a wolfish smirk, and received a half-hearted whap on the head with a closed fan for his trouble. 

“Not like that, smartass. Your friend Akimichi told me you wanted me to stop by because you wanted to spend quality time with me. Were those your words or his? Him I expect that kind of sappy stuff from, but you? Hell no.”

He nearly had to bite his tongue to keep from giving away his whole game with a quick and snarky, Oh, really? Temari was sharp, and she was better than any girl he’s ever met, up to and including both Ino and his own mother, at figuring out when he was up to something. Sappy stuff...Even she really had no clue what she was in for.

“Choji’s words,” he answered, standing up to look her directly in the eyes, the color of the sea in storm. He wondered if she could truly appreciate that the way he does, being from the desert and all. “I did have some plans in mind though, if you’re up for it...”

He stepped back and raised his hand in a non-hostile challenge stance. “How about a little sparring match? Since the courtyard’s all empty and there’s nobody here to bother.”

Temari tilted her head to the side, hand on her hip. She was trying to give him a skeptical look, but he could tell that she was trying not to laugh. “Really? That’s what you wanted me out here for? Some extra training?”

His smirk broadened. Exactly how he had predicted she would react. His next scripted line really would fit in perfectly. “So how about we make it a little more interesting than that?”

“Oh, yeah? What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s say...” He pretended to think about it for a moment. “Let’s say that if you win, I’ll give you a grand prize.”

“A grand prize, huh?” Temari snickered. “You’ve already got something in mind, don’t you?”

Yeah, nothing gets past you, hon.

“Maybe. You’ve got to win to find out, don’t you?”

“I guess I do. I’ll go easy on your house, if only for your parents’ sake, but don’t expect me to do the same for you, Shikamaru. Got it?”

He almost laughed. “I never would.”

Before the words were even out of his mouth, Temari was flying at him, the winds picking up a bit in the space around them. It wasn’t exactly his speed that Shikamaru prided himself on, but like any shinobi worth his salt, he was more than fast enough to dodge both her kicks and the strikes of her half-closed fan. When they would spar, their flashier or more destructive techniques were left to the spacier areas of Konoha, the training forests and the extensive wilderness inside the village borders, where a fallen tree or a few flying branches were of relatively little concern. 

(And there was that sole, memorable occasion where he had been the one to travel to Sunagakure and had to very quickly get used to walking and navigating on an endless field of shifting sand. He’d stomach the idea of moving out there if it was what Temari wanted, but all the same he certainly hoped it wasn’t.)

Here in the tiny, grassy arena of his courtyard, taijutsu was their default style of choice. It didn’t get Shikamaru’s blood pumping the way another kind of fight could, but then again, that had never been something he looked for. This way, he could truly appreciate the way his quick, short, and decisive movements clashed with Temari’s slower but stronger sweeping strikes, studying the minutiae between their styles in order to augment his existing tactics and let new ones form. Even better — he had been significantly surprised to realize that this came higher in his priorities — when they were this close to one another, he could take the split-seconds of calm to drink in every last part of his beloved.

He’d respected her strength first and foremost, when they had been children and she had been just an obstacle to his primary goal of finding someplace to sleep through the rest of the Chuunin Exams. Her smarts, always gleaming in those sharp eyes of hers, had come shortly after. A clever girl who could handle herself in battle and carry on a decent conversation after? Not the rarest gift, but still the most precious one. 

Not that he’d ever tell her so (he knew that even a genius couldn’t make it sound like a compliment), but he had noticed her beauty last. No...That didn’t sound right. He had always known that Temari was beautiful. More accurate was the sentiment that he had taken years to realize just how deeply her beauty struck his heart. 

There were her arms slinging around his shoulders or hugging his waist tightly from behind, never so lightly that he couldn’t feel the strength of her muscles. Her lips, so surprisingly gentle as they pressed against his own, or laid soft lines up his neck, when they were entwined together in bed. Her smile, which made something swell in his chest every time he saw it. It calmed him when his nerves were frayed, excited him when he was cold and flat, lifted him back up out of the deep waters of grief. It — she — was the most radiant thing he had ever seen. 

Even the sharp shock of her flesh on his, the muffled clang of thin mail, was more gratifying than it had ever been with any other person. What was that old saying that Naruto was so fond of? About how true warriors could understand each other’s feelings through the wordless exchange of blows? They weren’t trying to hurt each other, far from it. They were only becoming closer to one another.

So Shikamaru didn’t mind at all when one blindingly fast round sweep from Temari’s fan caught him in the backs of the knees, and sent him pitching backwards to the grass. He landed with a thump on his back, and there was only a short beat of silence and spinning blue sky above him before Temari was standing there instead. She planted a foot lightly on his chest and tipped his chin up with the end of her fan. Her smile was triumphant this time, and his heart skipped a beat. 

“Looks like I won, then. So what’s this grand prize I’ve earned?”

Shikamaru smirked, and gestured to himself. 

“How about this hand?” he said, and Temari tilted her head to the side, puzzled. 

“What? I’m not about to cut off your h —“ She blinked, a spark of realization in her eyes, and then burst out laughing. “You absolute sap! You don’t mean hand in marriage, do you?”

“Yeah, and if I did? Is that a prize you’re interested in?”

“You know, I’d say you’re giving yourself too much credit, but...I can’t seem to do that.” 

Temari stepped back, then reached down to pull Shikamaru up from the ground and into a quick but deep kiss. 

“Tell me, though,” she purred, her face still so close to his own. “Did you just let me win as part of a proposal setup?”

Shikamaru hummed noncommittally. “Did it seem that way to you?”

Temari snickered. “A kunoichi’s pride is nothing to toy with, Nara Shikamaru. Tell you what: you give me a rematch, with nothing on the line this time, and you’ll have yourself a fiancée.”

Shikamaru grinned. His girl’s fire was as strong as ever. “Deal.”

[wrestlingisfake]

G1 Climax 30 preview

This is New Japan Pro Wrestling’s annual heavyweight singles tournament, scheduled for 19 shows between September 19 and October 18.  The winner receives a trophy and a contract for an IWGP heavyweight championship match at Wrestle Kingdom on January 4.  Whoever holds the contract is expected to defend it in singles matches, sort of like a championship.  If the IWGP heavyweight champion himself holds the contract, he may name his own challenger for January 4.

The G1 is a 20-man round-robin tournament, split into two blocks of ten men.  Each participant has a match against every other man in his block.  That works out to 45 matches in A Block and 45 matches in B Block.  Points are awarded for each block match, and whoever has the highest score wins the block.  The A Block winner then meets the B Block winner in the final on October 18, to determine the winner of the entire tournament.

Each match is worth 2 points--the winner gets 2 and the loser gets 0.  A 30-minute time limit draw awards 1 point to each participant.  I could do a deep dive into scoring and potentially complicated tiebreaker scenarios.  But through the magic of pro wrestling, scoring is mostly straightforward, and usually each block comes down to two guys who just happen to face each other in the deciding match in the last round.  So I’ll go over the three final shows (October 16-18) in more detail when we get there.

Western wrestling fans are more accustomed to single-elimination tournaments, so newcomers might find the G1 Climax a little confusing and arduous.  It’s nineteen shows, all in one month, with ninety-one tournament matches.  The story is mostly told in the ring, with few if any angles.  And it’s fairly predictable, so a cynic could just skip to the last few shows without missing a lot of bracket-busting surprises.  The actual point, though, is match quality.  Every participant wants to deliver their personal best performances of the year, so you’re kinda guaranteed about a dozen four-star matches.  Besides, it’s perfect entertainment for staying at home binging TV--I have been going nuts waiting for this since the pandemic started.

Let’s take a look at the participants...

A Block

Jay White - The leader of Bullet Club and a former IWGP heavyweight champion.  White has been the de facto top foreigner since Kenny Omega left.  Prior to that New Japan kind of had a “Big Four” (Okada, Tanahashi, Naito, and Omega) that would be heavily favored in big events like this.  Now it’s more of a “Big Five” (Okada, Naito, Tanahashi, Ibushi, and White), and I would argue White just barely makes the cut by virtue of being the top heel and the biggest dick in the company.

Other than a couple of matches for New Japan’s LA-based show, White has been out of action since February.  I actually almost miss the bastard.  Before he left it felt like questions were brewing about KENTA eclipsing him as the biggest dick in Bullet Club.  While they were both away, Bullet Club reorganized around EVIL as the dickiest dick that ever dicked.  I smell a very slow burn storyline.  Since White’s not in the same block as the others, we probably won’t see him meet Evil or Kenta during this tour.  But I expect it will be very interesting which of the posts the best performance.

White’s style is to counter offense, often by going limp on the mat to prevent an opponent from hitting a signature move.  He’s honed this into some very solid chickenshit heel work that gets massive heat from the crowd, but I’ve found it incredibly tedious to sit through.  His matches with Okada, Ibushi, and Ishii will probably be heavily promoted as main events, but I’m more curious to see how his shenanigans will mesh with Taichi, Will Ospreay, and Minoru Suzuki.

Jeff Cobb - He’s a free agent, although it’s been strongly rumored that he’s about to sign with somebody and it’s probably going to be New Japan.  Because of the pandemic, there are a lot of hurdles for non-Japanese wrestlers to come in for a tour, so I’m pretty glad this absolute unit made it in.

Cobb was in last year’s G1, but many of his opponents this year weren’t in his block last time, so he’s got a lot of fresh matchups.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Cobb vs. Okada, Cobb vs. Ibushi, or Cobb vs. Suzuki.

The big issue for Cobb is that he ought to do better than his 8-point performance in last year’s tournament.  To get to 10 he’s probably going to have to score a big upset.  A victory over White is plausible but probably not in the cards.  Okada, maybe?

Kazuchika Okada - The leader of CHAOS and a five-time former IWGP heavyweight champion.  This seems to be a rebuilding year for Okada, as he takes a break from the limelight to give Naito a chance to shine.  That could mean he’s set to come roaring back in 2021, which could mean he’s booked to win this tournament.  On paper he’s a clear favorite, so I suppose he’s my pick to win A Block.  But as far as winning the whole tournament...I’m not feeling it, for some reason.

Ordinarily, Okada is either the defending champion or a top contender, so he loses very few tournament matches, which makes it a big deal for someone to actually beat him.  This year, though, Okada has been feuding with the likes of Taichi and Yujiro Takahashi, and getting pinned by Toru Yano.  So maybe they figure Okada won’t be back in title contention for a while, so it’s okay to make weaker opposition look stronger against him.  If he fails to win at least 10 points, that would be a very ballsy storyline.  At the very least, they might tease the possibility with an early slump.

Okada’s match with Will Ospreay on October 16 is probably going to decide the entire block, so I expect that to be a centerpiece for the tournament.  Okada vs. Ibushi is a rematch from Wrestle Kingdom and should also be excellent.  I’m personally most interested in Okada vs. Shingo Takagi, since I can’t recall them ever meeting one-on-one before.

Kota Ibushi - The 2019 G1 Climax winner, and a former IWGP intercontinental champion.  He represents Hontai, the default “home team” faction for all the purest babyfaces.  Ibushi has been a fan favorite for years, but New Japan never went all the way with him because he was a free agent.  That changed last year when he signed a long-term deal, although I was surprised they still had him choke at Wrestle Kingdom.  Nobody has won the G1 Climax two years in a row since Hiroyoshi Tenzan in 2003-2004, but I could see Ibushi doing it.

The story for Ibushi this year is that he needed to recover from going 0-2 in the Double Gold Dash series at Wrestle Kingdom, and he found new purpose in a tag team with his idol Hiroshi Tanahashi.  But the new Golden Ace team lost the tag title to Zack Sabre Jr. and Taichi, and it quickly became apparent that Tana is the weak link in the team.  So there’s intrigue about whether Tanahahi should pack it in, and whether Ibushi should leave him behind to pursue a top singles title.  An Ibushi-Tanahashi match in the finals would be a really easy story to tell.  Or they might be saving that for a non-title match at Wrestle Kingdom, which would mean neither of them are winning this tournament.

Ibushi has two modes--daredevil flippy guy or stiff strong-style mean guy.  So his matches with Will Ospreay and Tomohiro Ishii are always scary and nuts, for wildly different reasons.  I personally get a kick out of Ibushi vs. Suzuki, because Suzuki is all >:( and Ibushi is all :D

Minoru Suzuki - The leader of Suzuki-gun and current NEVER openweight champion.  Last year’s G1 was so stacked that Suzuki didn’t even make the cut, but he’s back with a vengeance.  The cool thing about Suzuki is that he’s old as balls, but he’s scary as fuck, but he’s not invincible.  So it’s sort of like having the Undertaker in the G1, except he can do four or five jobs and maintain credibility so he doesn’t have to squash everyone.

There are plenty of fresh matches for Suzuki in this field, but I’m particularly interested in Suzuki vs. Taichi, since they’re in the same faction.  Suzuki-gun vs. Suzuki-gun matches tend to be wild, vicious brawls, and I don’t remember these two ever meeting one-on-one before.  This is probably the year to do it, since Suzuki is only getting older and Taichi’s career is at an all-time high right now.

Anyone who beats Suzuki during the G1 should be in line for a future title match, although big-name guys like Okada, White, and Ibushi may pass on it to pursue bigger opportunities.  In terms of setting up future challengers, though, I think Ospreay, Cobb, or Takagi would all make sense.

Shingo Takagi - A member of Los Ingobernables de Japon and a former NEVER openweight champion.  Shingo is big and mean and tough and I like him a lot.  I’d like to think he’s being set up for bigger and better things down the road.  But for now he’s a middle-of-the-pack guy, and middle-of-the-pack guys don’t win the G1.  It’ll be a moral victory if he finishes in third or forth place for the block.

I’m kinda looking forward to all of Shingo’s block matches.  He’ll demolish Yujiro, he’ll give Taichi and Jay White the fight of their lives, and he’ll hang with big mean guys like Ishii, Cobb, and Suzuki.  Takagi vs. Ospreay might have been my favorite match in 2019, so that should be treat this year.

Taichi - One of the IWGP heavyweight tag team champions, and a member of Suzuki-gun.  The tag champs have not appeared in the G1 in recent years, but Taichi is a full-time regular, and he was in the tournament last year, so it’s not like being a tag champ was going to be held against him or anything.

I’m not expecting Taichi to do particularly well, but he needs some wins or else way too many guys will be in line for tag title shots.  It’ll be interesting to see which guys they’re willing to feed to him, because it’s hard to imagine most of the field jobbing to him.

Tomohiro Ishii - Basically the #2 guy in CHAOS and one of the NEVER trios champions.  Ishii is always an imposing obstacle in the G1 but he never actually strings together enough wins to really matter in the endgame.  So I think they’ll make a big deal about the threat he represents to guys like Ospreay, White, and Ibushi, but then they’ll just beat him like it’s no big deal.

Oddly, the one Ishii match I’m really interested in is with Taichi, because they were doing a program last year where Ishii brought out the best in Taichi and motivated him to fight honorably.  I’m interested in how they revisit that.

Will Ospreay - A member of CHAOS and the RPW British heavyweight champion.  Last I heard, Ospreay planned to live in Japan, but he got stuck in the UK when the pandemic travel bans went down. 

I heard a lot about how Will’s mental health was suffering from being away from wrestling.  Then he was distraught about Hana Kimura’s suicide.  Then he got called out amid the #SpeakingOut movement.  If I understand correctly, he was accused of helping to blackball a woman from the BritWres scene because she claimed a friend of his sexually abused her.  So there’s a lot going on here, and I’m not sure how it all will affect his career or relationship with the industry and fans.

In light of the allegations against him, I expect some Western fans will not be happy to see him back in New Japan.  I get the feeling New Japan will ignore the controversy, which may frustrate fans agitating for Ospreay to face consequences.  Speaking personally, I considered Ospreay a sentimental favorite last year, and I’m not sure the things he apparently did rise to the level of “kick him out of the business,” but it feels weird bringing him back like nothing happened.  I’m not sure how he can repair the damage to his reputation, and I don’t think I want New Japan to give him a free pass on doing that.

Dave Meltzer has suggested that, before the pandemic, New Japan planned to start pushing Ospreay hard as a heavyweight, with a lot of key wins in the G1.  If that really was the plan, could the pandemic have changed all that?  I guess we’ll find out.

Yujiro Takahashi - Bullet Club’s resident prelim guy.  This is his first G1 in five years, and even back when he regularly appeared he didn’t score very well.  I strongly doubt he’d be in this thing if they’d been able to fly in more foreigners.  But someone has to lose a lot for the big names to rack up points, and he’s suited to the role.

The most interesting thing about Yujiro is that he’s accompanied by PIETER, who is hot.  Unfortunately, Pieter is not exactly what you’d call an essential worker, which is probably why she hasn’t appeared at all since the pandemic.  Watching a Yujiro singles match without Pieter is kinda like just reading Playboy for the table of contents.  Actually, the most compelling thing Yujiro could do here is a match with Taichi, and that’d mainly be to see Pieter interact with Miho Abe, who probably also won’t be on this tour.

B Block

EVIL - The turncoat who betrayed Los Ingobernables de Japon to join Bullet Club.  Evil captured both the IWGP heavyweight title and IWGP intercontinental title from Tetsuya Naito earlier this year, but lost them back to Naito a few weeks ago.  Everybody was kinda “Really?  You’re pushing Evil?  Really?”  So it’s fair to say he’s got a lot to prove.

I don’t expect Evil to win the block.  But as a recent former champion, he needs a strong showing, if only to sell the idea that anyone who could win the title is a serious threat.  You don’t want to Jinder Mahal this guy, and I think New Japan knows better than to do that.

I think everyone in this block has had a singles match with Evil, but few have worked with him since the heel turn, which freshens up those matchups.  I’m curious how he’ll interact with Yano or Sabre, for example.  There’s obviously a grudge match in Evil vs. Naito, but Evil and SANADA were tag team partners for years, and we’ve conveniently avoided getting Sanada’s take on the Evil turn. 

The big deal, though, will probably be the match with KENTA.  I’d rather see Jay White have to face Kenta or Evil, but this will have to do.  Every Bullet Club vs. Bullet Club match in the G1 kinda plays out the same, but every year I put on my clown wig and hope we’ll see a real rift form in the group.

Hirooki Goto - One of the NEVER trios champions, representing CHAOS.  Last year they made a big deal about Goto reinventing himself at the LA Dojo, but it’s a year later and he’s pretty much the same Goto.  I just don’t have any confidence in him to score a win that’s going to move him up the ranks.  He’s easy to take for granted.

I’m all for seeing Goto pleasantly surprise me with a hot run, but how would he even do that at this point?  I guess he could pin Naito to set up a title match, but that wouldn’t get me to believe he could actually win said title match.  A victory over Evil or Tanahashi would be more doable, but does that really get him anywhere?  Maybe he could beat Sabre to set up a tag title program, but I’m so bored with matching the six-man tag champions against the regular tag champions.

Hiroshi Tanahashi - The eight-time former IWGP heavyweight champion and leader of Hontai.  He’s already won this tournament three times, a stat that puts him up there with legends from the 1990s and early 2000s.  But New Japan has been increasingly playing up the idea that age is catching up with him.  At 43, he’s not the oldest guy in this tournament, but the idea is that his knees are shot and he’s only hanging in at this level through sheer god-given talent.

In principle, you can always do a “living legend proves he’s still got it” story with Tana defying age and the odds to win one more G1.  The problem is, they already did that story in 2018, and there’s no good reason to rehash it so soon.  So I figure he’ll probably get beaten down a lot in the early going, to build sympathy for him having a bad run, and then he’ll rebound to give fans hope, and then he’ll come up short in the very end.

The biggest marquee match in this block is Tanahashi vs. Naito (they’ve been kept apart for a few years now).  But I’m more interested in seeing him battle fellow white-meat babyface Juice Robinson, or mega-dicks like Kenta or Evil that he hasn’t worked with much since they turned.  Of course, the strongest grudge match for Tana is against Sabre, playing off the recent Golden Ace/Dangerous Tekkers feud.  That one’s set for the last day of B Block, and I get the feeling it’s because Sabre is finally going to put Tana’s knees out of their misery.

Juice Robinson - Joliet, Illinois’s favorite son is finally back in Japan.  Juice had a memorable feud with Jay White in 2018 to win the IWGP US championship and take a big leap forward, but unfortunately it’s been choppy sailing since then.  He benefited from feuding with Jon Moxley and the Guerillas of Destiny, but he also lost those feuds.  At the same time, Will Ospreay has kinda leapfrogged him as the top babyface foreigner.  We’ll never know how he might have recovered from all that if not for the pandemic.  But the road back starts here.

Even as a Juice fan I don’t think he has any business winning the block.  But he’s one of those guys that is in striking distance of finishing a G1 with 10 points, and I think that would be a big milestone at this stage of his career.  Trouble is, I don’t even see four matches where he’d be the favorite, let alone five.  To get that 5-4 record he’s going to have to shock someone like Sabre or Kenta, and that’s pretty hard to imagine.

KENTA - Kenta came to New Japan for last year’s G1, and then turned heel and joined Bullet Club at the end of the tour.  Since then he’s held the NEVER openweight title, but he’s probably more infamous for beating up the retired Katsuyori Shibata, and ruining Tetsuya Naito’s celebration in the Tokyo Dome.  In a faction of dickasses, Kenta is the dickest, assest one of them all.  It’s almost admirable, in a dickish sort of way.

Before the pandemic, Kenta’s heel heat was so hot that it seemed like he was a potential rival for Jay White’s leadership of Bullet Club.  Then most of Bullet Club was unavailable this summer, and what was left kind of reorganized around Evil.  So does Kenta just accept being the #3 guy in the faction?  Or does he remind people he’s still in the “who should lead Bullet Club” conversation?  The answer is probably somehwere in the middle.  But his performance in this tournament might give us a clue.

SANADA - The dark horse of Los Ingobernables de Japon, and maybe the whole promotion.  At the end of 2019 I was dead-certain that Evil and Sanada were stuck as the two guys just below the Big Five, with no hope of upward advancement, so they’d just keep winning World Tag League forever and ever.  Now Evil’s been the champ, and Sanada fandom is heating up.  Pretty sure I saw some betting site give Sanada the best odds of winning the whole tournament.  It seems kinda crazy to me, because I’ve been watching him fade into the background for years.  But I sure wouldn’t mind if he just went and won the big one.

There’s not really anyone in this block that Sanada can’t beat.  I don’t think he ever has beaten Naito or Evil, but I certainly believe he could.  Really, the only guy that consistently makes Sanada look like a chump is Okada, who is conveniently in the other block.  Sanada having to beat Okada to win the G1 would be a really good story.  So I don’t know, maybe it really could happen.

Sanada vs. Naito and Sanada vs. Evil are clearly the big things here, but for my money you can’t go wrong with Sanada against Yano or Sabre.  Those matches always go down smooth, for incredibly different reasons.

Tetsuya Naito - The leader of Los Ingobernables de Japon and the reigning IWGP heavyweight champion and IWGP intercontinental champion.  Neither of Naito’s belts are on the line in this tournament, but anyone who beats him during the tournament is practically guaranteed a title shot by the end of the year.  To that end, he will probably lose very few block matches.  But since the point of the tournament is to name a challenger for January 4, it doesn’t do much good for the champion to win.  So watch for him to finish at like 7-2, but still come up short.

The usual pattern for a champion in the G1 is that he loses a couple of matches to set up main events on the Destruction and Power Struggle tours in September, October, and November.  That’s tricky this time because the G1 is so much later in the year, so there will be fewer big shows between now and January 4 to book Naito title matches.  In addition, Naito is a double champion, and has expressed a preference to defend each title separately.  So maybe they could do a thing where he loses G1 matches against, say, Goto and Kenta, and then they book Naito vs. Goto for one belt and Naito vs. Kenta for the other on the same tour.  But it’s pretty clear New Japan is kinda playing 2020 by ear, so they may not even be sure where they’re going with this stuff.

For several years now there’s been a lot of concern about Naito’s body being “thrashed,” and whether he can keep up with the physical demands of a top champion.  In New Japan, working the G1 is the most demanding of those physical demands.  He had a few months in the spring to heal up, but that was a couple of tours ago.  Now the real grind begins, so if he’s still having problems, that probably doesn’t bode well for his long-term career.

Toru Yano - The first KOPW titleholder, representing CHAOS.  Yano’s gimmick is that he seems like a prelim comedy guy, but he’s so good at cheating and misdirection that you have to take him seriously.  He’s not going to win the block, but he can definitely hang in long enough to play spoiler.  Last year he notably handed Jon Moxley his first New Japan loss--it was by count-out, but two points is two points.  You underestimate Yano at your own peril.

Yano’s matches are often pretty short, and don’t involve a lot of hard work for the wrestlers.  It’s sort of like each of the other guys gets a “night off” by playing his game.  Some fans think he shouldn’t even be in there, but I’ve come to look forward to all the different ways he’ll try to steal wins.  For fans expecting “sports entertainment” in the G1, this is your guy.

YOSHI-HASHI - One of the NEVER trios champions, along with Goto and Ishii, from CHAOS.  Yoshi is a journeyman, who just won his first NJPW title after 12 years with the company.  There’s a “lovable loser” quality to the guy, and he has his fan following.  But in terms of the G1, he’s a jobber.  He hasn’t been in the tournament since 2017, and that year he went 2-7.  I’m not expecting much better this time around.

Zack Sabre Jr. - A member of Suzuki-gun and Taichi’s partner in the IWGP heavyweight tag team champions, Dangerous Tekkers.  Sabre’s emphasis on chain wrestling, grappling, and submissions causes the style of his matches to stand out from the rest.  Where other heavyweights train for size and strength, he stays lean and noodle-y to wriggle out of holds.  He’s completely different, which is vital to avoid the feeling that every G1 match is just, like, two strong style dudes slapping the shit out of each other.

Sabre has always impressed me but that doesn’t translate into big pushes for him.  They’ve given him some key feuds over the RPW British title, but it never feels like he’s really truly in the mix with the top guys.  I’d like to see that change, and maybe get him back into the 10-point range.  But in a way he’s kinda like Ishii and Sanada, where they talk like he’s a big deal but then he loses a lot to make other guys look better for beating a “big deal.”

Like I said before, Sabre vs. Tanahashi is a natural grudge match and will probably be the main focus of this tour for Zack.  But I think it’ll be interesting to see how he handles Evil and Kenta now that they’re heels.  And Sabre vs. Sanada is always a treat.

Predictions

I think I’ve talked myself into an Okada vs. SANADA final, but I could see New Japan going in other directions.  Ibushi vs. Tanahashi would be a rehash of 2018’s tournament, but that was a great match so I don’t know if anybody would mind.  The biggest match they could do might be another Okada vs. Tanahashi match, but I don’t know if this is the right year to go there again.

Of course, the G1 final doesn’t have to be a dream match.  You can put the guy who’s going to win in there with someone that nobody thinks can win.  Kenny Omega vs. Hirooki Goto in 2017 and Kota Ibushi vs. Jay White in 2019 were foregone conclusions, but they made you believe that maybe there’ll be an upset when you kinda knew there would never be.  I could see them doing something like that with Ospreay, Takagi, Kenta, or Sanada.  Actually, an Ospreay-Sanada final might be hot because they’d both feel like underdogs, so you wouldn’t feel like one of them definitely has to win.

If that was like picking a Royal Rumble winner, I’d think WWE wants to pick a new guy to push as a top babyface challenger, and Sanada would make sense.  But I’ve seen so many years where New Japan stuck with what works that I’m reluctant to pick anybody outside the Big Five.  So I guess I’m going to pick Okada to win the G1, and then kinda hope I am pleasantly surprised.