#which i guess was supposed to be encouraging but just devastated me further

[angelfishofthelord]

+

[michaelburnhamfanclub]

season three is where star trek discovery claims to have found its stride, and i must admit that with the season’s premiere, i was more than inclined to agree. however, now that s3 is complete and we’re able to take a holistic view of all of the resolved and unresolved arcs, i’m still pretty unsatisfied

with the s3 finale, it became clear that the season’s mission in terms of its protagonist was a concise one: to fully prepare michael burnham for the captain’s seat

i was thrilled when michael finally was promoted to captain, but it’s really worth examining the ways that the show went about its final preparations for such a promotion. there were a few major tenants to michael’s character arc across these thirteen episodes, and the following two themes are the ones i think are most worth unpacking in terms of what they do in service of michael’s promotion:

1. michael’s ongoing and complex relationship with isolation

2. michael’s inclination to subvert authority and protocol in service of what is right

i’ll try and unpack these a little bit below the cut

michael and isolation

ever since the very first episode of the very first season, michael burnham has been a character entrenched in her own isolation. in season one, michael found friendship and community on the discovery by forging bonds with sylvia tilly, ash tyler, and paul stamets and by redefining previously broken bonds with saru and the alternate philippa georgiou. one of the main reasons why s1 is kinda still my favorite season is this very aspect of it: michael’s success and the federation’s survival depended on the creation and strength of these bonds

season two continued michael’s experience of isolation by introducing her estranged and tortured relationship with spock. the major theme of michael’s character in this season was her instinct to “reach” for the people who always seemed furthest from her despite everything (i.e., she “reached” for her parents, spock, tilly, etc.). this was the final message she imparted to spock: the act of reaching for others will always be the most worthwhile thing, even if you are unable to ever touch them. michael was finally able to connect with spock only to be launched into the future

season three picks up on this theme in what i think is the most conceivably devastating way possible. michael is isolated for a whole year from the crew of the discovery, and when she returns into the fold, nobody reaches for her.

now, a huge part of why the first and third episodes hit me so hard is because i really thought they were going somewhere meaningful with this. she loses so much, and the gratitude directed towards her in the third episode is directly acknowledged as NOT ENOUGH. michael stands among her found family in the halls of the discovery, a family she has mourned for a year, and tilly says, “you let us go, didn’t you?” and there seems to be purpose to it

the first half of season three sees michael feeling lost, struggling to find a single reason why she should feel like she should belong with these people on this ship anymore. tilly and saru both clearly understand this, and instead of seeing any efforts on their part to welcome her back into their family, they further contribute to her feelings of isolation and make HER apologize for keeping THEM out of the loop (and yeah i understand that these apologies have to do with breaches in starfleet protocol but rn i’m only focusing on the interpersonal implications). the only meaningful connections that michael is able to maintain this season are with book and georgiou. and while i adore them both, georgiou leaves before the season ends and book is from the future and isn’t a discovery crew member, which makes it feel like when michael says she doesn’t think she belongs on the discovery, she’s RIGHT

this first half of development would’ve been all well and good if it had been carried out to its logical conclusion, which would have been the discovery crew fighting to make michael feel like she belongs, but that never happened. instead, we get unification iii, which is a great episode on its own, but it only resolves michael’s internal feelings regarding her place in starfleet, not the interpersonal tension that’s made her feel more isolated than she’s been since, like, maybe even early season one.

this is all to say that i don’t understand how this unfulfilled arc generates michael’s preparedness to stay on the discovery as captain, unless we’re going with the “the captain defines themself as separate from the crew because they’re the captain” narrative that star trek does admittedly love. i would be more into it if i was sure that discovery would actually explore that isolation with the care it deserves

it could be cool to potentially explore a discussion or resolution of this arc next season by bringing commander nhan back as michael’s first officer, another character who felt disconnected enough from the discovery’s crew to actually decide to leave, but idk i guess we’ll see

michael and authority

i’ve talked about how michael’s s1 character arc was a journey to learn how to subvert authority before. she starts the show as “the mutineer,” and this is a signifier we can’t forget

my roommate and i have also talked a lot about how the command structure of the discovery is so fucking weird, and i think a large part of it is because it naturally organizes itself around its heart, which is a position that michael instinctively and effortlessly occupies (though that is not to say that this effortlessness is not without its own suffering---michael being the heart of the discovery is what leads to the reinforcement of her martyr complex, though that’s not the focus of this post so i won’t dwell there)

season three’s essential question that it sets up with michael centers around doing the right thing her way or doing the right thing starfleet’s way. in her year alone, michael is finally able to define herself outside of starfleet, and she likes who she finds. this is one of the main reasons she struggles to reinsert herself into the crew of the discovery, this is the reason she rejects the idea of being the crew’s captain outright, and this is the reason saru gives for demoting her. this is the eventual reason that michael sends paul in an escape pod to the federation hq instead of immediately trying to jump for hugh, saru, and adira. this is the reason that she is eventually promoted to captain

tbh i would have had less issue with this storyline if not for a couple key details: (1) michael was punished for subverting starfleet protocol when other characters (like keyla or tilly) were encouraged or rewarded for it. (2) idk i feel like we’ve exceeded the bounds of the whole “needs of the many/needs of the few” ideological tenant, which was (i think) something that the ni’var president even SAID.

when it comes down to it, i just think that michael’s complicated relationship with subverting authority deserves a much more complicated storyline. i do think that this is something we’ll see more of in s4 because it’s always going to be one of the greatest tenants of her character, but that doesn’t change the fact that it seems to have fallen rather flat in s3 for me. i’d argue that this is because discovery doesn’t seem to want to commit to its serialized style as much anymore, but maybe that’s for another post lmao

i don’t think i’ve quite found a way to properly articulate it yet, but michael taking the captain’s seat was supposed to be the culmination of three seasons of buildup. however, the buildup that the show suggested in the s3 finale seemed to be based on things that michael had already earned by the s3 premiere. her relationship with authority this season felt. idk. maybe it’s because this was kinda the first time the show attempted to show michael as a subordinate on the discovery instead of as the heart of the discovery, but it felt like it just wasn’t the natural place to take that particular element of her characterization. i’m hoping that s4 will deliver on this front, but the main thing is that i don’t think s3 did

tl;dr s3 was not what i was hoping for in terms of furthering michael’s character, and now that she’s captain i would love for these two elements of her characterization to be explored to their full and complicated conclusions

[yukipri]

Marco’s Bauble Part 8 - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

Another update for Tumblr!

This work goes by On the Courtship of Monkey D. Luffy on AO3, and I’ll be updating over there tonight as well!

A quick question....do people like reading the updates here on Tumblr? Or now that it’s on AO3, would people prefer to read there? And if so, would you be okay waiting for new updates until AO3 catches up? I’m a little torn because I’m not sure if people are enjoying reading on here, and it’s quite a hassle to format for Tumblr, and it’s getting a bit difficult for me to juggle updating these stories on 3 separate platforms...

ANYWAY, in this update, Thatch has some Thoughts, and there is mention of Ace x Luffy.

Continues off of, and should be read after:

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 1

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 2

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 3

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 4

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 5

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 6

👒🐟Marco’s Bauble Part 7

~~

What are her 3 sizes?

(For the wedding dress, of course.)

"The fuck! Like I'd tell you!" Thatch roars, startling the blue gull into momentarily leaping off the rail, before it circles back, landing again to peck at his  sleeve to express its displeasure. Thatch ignores it, because he's fuming.

So apparently all of his and Koala's secret debates over whether Marco intentionally proposed or not were for naught, because here's the fucking evidence. And it comes from Izo of all people, because Thatch would recognize that lopsided handwriting anywhere (the man insists that his handwriting is beautiful in his native language of Wano, but he never quite got used to writing any other way).

And well, if Izo, an unrelated third party but professional snooper knows, then Marco himself must know.

And apparently, they're already planning a wedding.

Thatch feels like an idiot. He'd been defending Marco against Koala, and the lil Revolutionary was a tough opponent, one he'd had to chase out of the kitchen with a ladle more than once when he was tired of her word games. Thatch had insisted, like a fool, that no Marco's not that kind of guy, he really isn't the type to play with people's emotions, he would never propose for a joke, nor would he do it seriously without good reason. It must all be an accident, a little misunderstanding, Marco was just ignorant like Thatch himself was!

Except, apparently he did know and it wasn't an accident, and now Thatch feels completely lost because he doesn't know what Marco's thinking at all. Marco, who's not just his his first friend on the Moby, but arguably his best friend; Marco, his brother over several decades; Marco, who Thatch thought he knew better than anyone, except perhaps Pops himself...

Thatch's also pissed, because if Marco wants to start drama after they all reunite and he's introduced to Luffy, that's one thing (not that that would be great either). But right now, they're still near the beginning of Paradise with almost half the circumference of the world to go until even the halfway point, and Marco is WAY on the other side of the Red Line. If this ship explodes in flames or whatever that batshit Revolutionary brother might do, Mister First Division Commander is completely unaffected, but there are plenty of innocents here (like hello! Thatch!) who would find that pretty devastating.

Also, Thatch was the one who passed on that gift to Luffy! Even if he didn't know what it meant at the time...doesn't that make Thatch complicit? And even if not, Marco's strongest connection here is clearly Thatch. If Marco's actions cause chaos, then the blame and responsibility to clean up the mess naturally falls upon Thatch. Which, he definitely did not sign up for.

Pops, Thatch thinks miserably, I thought I was supposed to show them they can depend on us Whitebeards, NOT that us Whitebeards will fuck shit up for them...

But more than anything, there's a shocking large part of Thatch that absolutely balks at just the idea of Luffy getting married. And it's shocking because Thatch shouldn't feel this upset.

Marco, for all the complaints Thatch wants to hurl at him at the moment, is still a really great guy. A guy who, in literally any other situation, Thatch would be the first in line to enthusiastically encourage, and also to congratulate.

And sure, Thatch knows he has a crush, and his little Seastar's carving out a larger home for herself in his heart by the day, but--Thatch admittedly has crushes a lot. Sure, this one feels different, but...Marco, to his knowledge, has never had a romantic crush. He only sometimes but very rarely even has a night out, and Thatch doesn't think he's ever held a relationship longer than three encounters. He's always so serious, so diligent, so sincerely and whole-heartedly dedicated to Pops and his family. He almost never does anything selfish for himself, and Thatch would know.

If, for whatever reason, Marco is genuinely serious about Luffy...then Thatch should, and would, step to the side, regardless of personal feelings. If this is the path Marco wants, then he deserves it, and Thatch will always be the first to say it, no matter how craptastic the circumstances. And Thatch knows that Marco would give his bride the world.

Without them even having met, Thatch doesn't doubt for a second that Marco would make Luffy happy, till the end of her days.

The fact that Thatch knows all this, yet still feels near unbearable reluctance...says more than he's willing to admit.

And so he decides to avoid thinking about the most obvious reason (his own feelings), and instead contemplates his second very compelling reason: Ace.

His littlest brother isn't so great at being honest with himself, and never has. But this, Thatch feels, isn't just a matter of denial.

The boy literally has no clue.

Oh sure, Ace knows he loves his little brother. He makes sure everyone else knows it too, both here on the Merry and back on the Moby once he opened up enough to talk to people. He's so damn proud of her, yet also concerned for her, while also trusting her with his life and more. It's clear to anyone who sees them together that he absolutely adores her.

But it's more than that, isn't it, Thatch thinks. It's in the little gestures, the way Ace raises his arm up without looking at her and she slides under it, also without needing to look at him. It's the casual way they lace their fingers together, like it's nothing, when they're snoozing out on the deck. It's the way sometimes they have unspoken conversations, just staring into each others eyes, before moving forward in synch to meet in the middle to bump their foreheads together in some secret mutual understanding.

It's the reason why Sanji, for all his extravagant flirting, knows when to shut up and return to being a normal human (and, Thatch grudgingly admits, this applies to himself too). It's why Zoro never lets his gaze linger more than two seconds longer than it needs to (but he'll always take those two seconds), why Nami always looks like she wants to sit closer but doesn't, why Koala hasn't said anything when she's probably usually a much more proactive flirter.

Everyone on their crew can see it, except the two in question.

Ace, Thatch thinks, heaving a huge sigh as he looks down at the crumpled note from Izo in his palm. Little brother, you are so fucking in love.

It might not necessarily be romantically. It's certainly not particularly sexually, if Ace's lack of reaction to Lu's aggressive physical smothering is any indication. It could very possibly be platonically.

But either way, there's no room for Sanji, nor Zoro, nor the girls, nor even Thatch himself...at least, until those two figure that out.

Until then, everyone aboard the Merry is here because they love and respect their captains. No one would dare encroach on something so special, yet so potentially immature, not yet ready to be dragged out to be recognized.

Thatch knows Ace has known Luffy for years, he practically raised her. But he was also away at sea for three years. Luffy was a child when he left; she's an adult now.

Thatch once asked him if she had changed at all since he last saw her (Ace most certainly had, according to Deuce). And Ace looked blank, then horribly confused, before saying No...but also, yeah, I guess. Thatch understands; Ace isn't used to not knowing something about Luffy. And something...something had changed.

That something might very well be the thing that needs to be figured out. And for that, Ace hasn't had much time yet, since reuniting with Luffy. Only as much time as the rest of them, in fact. And they deserve time to figure that out, and as the two captains' loving crew, the ASL pirates have an unsaid agreement to watch over them...at least until they have.

(After that, Thatch thinks grimly, it might be open game.)

But of course, there's also the question of Luffy herself, and as much as she's the heart of the ASL Pirates, she's also an enigma. Thatch, for all that he adores her and honestly wants more with her, genuinely has a hard time imagining her as anything but clueless as someone's romantic partner (he's carefully not thinking about anything sexual). It very well may be that the whole "figuring out" that she and Ace have to do...ends up being nothing. And that's fine as well.

Either way, as much as Thatch loves him, there's no way that any of them here on board the Merry will stand to let Marco shatter this delicate...whatever it is that's going on between their captains, that the rest of them are so patiently respecting. Even if it ends up continuing indefinitely.

As strained as it can feel at times, they're comfortable like this. There's the little spark of joy when Seastar gives him a little extra attention, a little burn when Sanji kisses her hand, but comfort in the stability that no one will go any further. If anything it's a nice little spice to their daily lives, just the right amount, and not enough ruin the dish so to speak. This is fine.

Except, that there's just one teeny little problem...

"What did the blue gull bring you today, Commander?"

Thatch doesn't jump, because he's not an amateur and did realize that the Revolutionary was approaching, but perhaps later than he should have. Damn the kid's good at hiding his presence, and Thatch wonders if he'd have noticed at all if Sabo was being serious.

"Just a stupid request from a stupid brother," Thatch says cheerfully as he turns around to face Sabo. The boy isn't even trying to hide his curiosity, his gaze pinned to Thatch's hand.

Thatch contemplates chucking the letter into the sea, but then he realizes he isn't sure Sabo wouldn't just dive after it, and as a devil fruit user, Thatch wouldn't be able to stop him from reading it underwater.

So he casually uncurls his fingers, watches Sabo visibly perk up--before Thatch opens a black hole in his palm, letting the crumpled paper get sucked into the void.

(Perhaps he should be using his power as more than a secure second dimension pocket expansion, but hey, so far it hasn't been so helpful in the kitchen.)

Sabo sags and sulks, rather cutely, Thatch thinks. "You coulda let me see it," he pouts, looking up at Thatch with an expression uncannily like Luffy's. Fuck.

"Collecting intel, Chief?" Thatch winks, expertly hiding his horror that for a moment, he'd actually been tempted. Little sneak.

"Perhaps." Something slightly manic enters his gaze, and alright, that's nothing like Seastar, not so cute after all...

"Nice try, but it's a personal family thing, can't really share," Thatch says, and it's not really a lie.

Sabo grunts, letting it go, before his gaze flicks to the gull, who still has a beakful of Thatch's sleeve. "It waiting for something?"

Thatch sighs. "Yeah, yeah, my response, which I should probably give..." Because, right, Thatch needs to send a message back to the Moby, even if no, he isn't going to answer Izo's idiotic question.

Which, is actually a fine excuse to extract himself from this situation.

"So, sorry, the response also is personal, hope you don't mind," Thatch nods, and Sabo easily opens the way for him--which, Thatch belatedly realizes, he'd actually been blocking. Scary, little Chief, scary...

"Sorry, didn't mean to pry." Sabo sounds genuinely apologetic, and tips his hat at Thatch as he passes by, and Thatch inwardly heaves a massive sigh of relief. "I'm working on it, but I know I can get a little...pushy, when it comes to things that involve my baby brother."

Thatch continues to walk away.

But inside...

Oh. Yikes, he thinks.

~~

Thatch is in the privacy of the currently empty men's sleeping room beneath the deck, and has just finished writing and giving instructions and bribes to the gull when the hatch creaks open.

"Thatch, we're in trouble," Koala announces as she stomps down the stairs, making her sneaky opening of the door rather pointless.

"I noticed," Thatch says dryly.

Koala pales. "He didn't break any of your toes, did he?!"

"What."

"Well, you're a cook, you make food Luffy likes with your hands," Koala shrugs. "Just wanted to make sure."

"What the fuck."

"I don't think he will! You're Luffy and Ace's crew, and you're a Whitebeard pirate, but..."

Thatch groans. "I already thought your Chief might be trouble, but holy shit I didn't know he was that batshit."

"He might not be!" Koala sounds defensive, but it's not particularly comforting. "He's usually reasonable, kind of, but since his memories came back..."

Thatch throws up his arms. "So, how'd he get it out of you?"

Koala flushes. "I didn't say anything!"

"Sure."

"It's not my fault that Sabo's a damn--!"

There's a loud knock, before the hatch flings open, and Ace pops his head in. "Hey Thatch! What's for snack--"

"NOT AGAIN!" Koala cries.

At the same time, Thatch shouts, "IN A SECOND!"

Either way, the hatch slams shut with a, "SORRY!"

Thatch and Koala stare at each other with their hearts beating uncomfortably rapidly.

They slowly heave a slow sigh of relief as the tension drains.

"I really need to apologize to Ace," Thatch mutters.

"I really need to work on my Observation Haki," Koala groans.

"HEY THATCH, I WANT A SNACK," Luffy shouts, and Thatch and Koala's heads whip around in horror, only to sag with relief at seeing that Luffy's not in the room, but only for a second--

--because after that second, a mermaid's crashing through the hatch, ripping it from its hinges as she slams, hatch and all, into Thatch's chest.

The room fills with dust and debris, and there are shouts outside.

Koala gingerly peers into the wreckage where Thatch is now buried in the wall, a terrified blue gull  perched on her shoulders peering alongside her, its claws digging through the fabric of her shirt.

"We're fine," Thatch coughs, peering down to make sure he'd successfully caught and shielded Luffy from damage, even as he peels himself from the wood. Luffy seems unharmed, though her eyes are wide; she clearly hadn't expected to do quite this much.

"...Armament?" Koala asks, noticing how the back of Thatch's hair is black from where it's fanned around him.

"Armament," Thatch agrees, keeping the entire back of his body coated until he's safely pulled himself and Luffy, still in his arms, away from any sharp wood.

"Sorry, Thatch," Luffy says, not particularly apologetic, if anything sort of curious. She peels herself back from his chest, scritching her cheek while looking down at what was once the hatch to the mens room that had shattered between them. She then reaches back to tug at Thatch's black locks, and oohs when they fade back to auburn.

"No worries, just make sure to make it up to Deuce and Usopp when they have to fix this," Thatch sighs, before grinning, letting his arms fall away from Luffy once he knows she has a secure grip on his shoulders. He then begins carding his fingers through her hair to make sure no splinters got in, and likewise dusting off the front of her vest, taking care not to let his touch linger. Luffy nods frantic agreement, more like rubs her head into his palm, and Thatch feels his heart skip a beat.

Koala sighs.

"Hey Thatch, what's this?"

Thatch blinks, then inwardly curses.

Luffy's holding Izo's crumpled piece of paper. His control of his power's still shoddy, and it must have accidentally spat it back out in the commotion.

Please, don't be able to read that, he prays. He luckily doesn't have much confidence in Luffy's reading abilities.

"It says 'what are her three sizes.' What are those?"

In the background, Koala slowly raises her fist.

~~

A few days later, Marco's scouting when a blue gull rapidly approaches him.

Delivery! it squawks. Delivery for you, Boss, and don't show Izo! Don't show Izo! Don't show Izo or the bread man will be mad!

Thank you, noted, friend, Marco responds, and catches the note from Thatch in mid air.

The gull trills acknowledgement, then wheels away to rejoin its brethren, while Marco changes course for the nearest island, a safe forest haven in Pops's territory, still a ways away from the Moby. It's uninhabited, save for the wildlife, and it would be good to land once before returning home anyway.

Marco lands lightly on the tallest and oldest tree on the island, from where he can survey the island of pure greenery, and the endless blue stretching beyond. The branch he's chosen looks deceptively thin, but he already knows it can support his human weight, which is why he shifts, passing the note from his claw to his hand before completing his transformation.

Marco frowns. The other Commanders (and to be honest, the entire crew) have been acting a bit strange recently, but for Thatch, who isn't even on board with them, to also be in on it...

True, this may or may not be related to that at all. But still.

Marco feels like he's missing something.

Marco, Thatch's message starts, and Marco already knows it's going to be serious because it didn't start with a jibe at his appearance.

Marco, I think I'm actually serious about her. Thoughts, brother?

Her, meaning the Ace's little brother, the mermaid girl.

If Marco remembers correctly, in Thatch's first note back to him, he'd written, She's stolen my heart, I think I want to marry her.

Marco had assumed Thatch was joking at the time, or just light-heartedly flirting, as he always did. Marco's used to hearing Thatch spew these kinds of words, and he'd taken it to mean that the girl's exceptionally Thatch's type, but hadn't thought further.

The words had made him remember a little trinket he'd had stored in a chest at the back of his closet, one he'd received from an elderly couple on Fishman Island around two decades ago...

But that's not important now, Marco thinks, focussing on Thatch's message.

In all his years of flings and casual relationships and jokingly asking ladies (and some gents) Won't you marry me...Thatch has not once asked for Marco's opinion. He's certainly had plenty of opinions himself about whether someone would be a potential good match for Marco, which Marco always ignored. But Thatch has never asked Marco about matches for himself.

Thatch really is serious.

Marco finds himself slowly smiling. "Finally, you sap," he murmurs, though no one hears him but the other birds in the trees around him.

He knows he ought to think more about what to say, but the answer is so obvious that Marco takes Thatch's note, and carefully tears the paper so that his brother's words aren't damaged. Gently tucking Thatch's note into his pocket, Marco pulls out a pen for the remaining small blank strip of paper.

Shortly afterwards, two birds depart from the island, in opposite directions: one, a phoenix, wings burning cyan against the clear skies, and the other, a blue gull headed to Paradise.

~~

~~

~~

Part 9, things start Moving as Sabo confronts Ace.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! And again, please do let me know if you actually like reading the story here on tumblr or not >.<;

As always, any comments are immensely appreciated and help motivate me to create more for this AU! ;A;

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

[writings-of-a-daphodil]

Fire Keeper: Chapter 20

Douxie x fem reader

Masterlist in Bio!

Series Summary: You are Jim’s older sister who is taking a break from college and has moved back home to Arcadia. You end up joining Jim and his friends on their adventures.

Chapter 20 summary: Battle of Killahead time.

Douxie made sure to heal your hand before you arrived to see the trolls. You supposed he wanted to make a good impression on your brother and you having your hand burned wouldn’t help him.

You went through Claire’s shadow portal and stepped into a stone cave. Jim and Callista were there and so was...Vendel. You froze in the middle of the portal and Douxie bumped into you as he came through.

“What’s wrong? Douxie asked, half leading you half carrying you away from the portal.

“That’s Vendel,” you whispered, tears already pricking your eyes.

You didn’t have the time to explain more as Claire popped in. “Hey, that's my boyfriend you're operating on!”

Vendel jumped “Oh! Humans! Sound the alarm!”

You heard a faint swoosh as Arthur came through the portal. “Hold! Please, Vendel of Dwoza. I humble myself before you. Camelot needs your help.”

“And why should we help Camelot?” Vendel asked, side eyeing you as tears rolled down your face. They weren’t tears of sadness or joy at seeing himd, you weren’t really feeling any exact emotions, you were just overwhelmed. Seeing your late mentor in the past could do that to you.

“-Camelot has been devastated,” Arthur was saying and you realized you had zoned out, just staring at Vendel through your tears.

Vendel sighed “Perhaps we could talk about this in a more private setting?”

“Of course,” Arthur said and Vendel led him away. You followed them out into a bigger room where Vendel and Arthur stood by a wall to discuss while a ring of knights guarded them. It made sense to have guards, but unfortunately they weren’t just guarding, they were keeping you and your friends from hearing the conversation.

Douxie kept his arm wrapped around your shoulder in silent support as you tried to listen.

Gumar the Black's swarm of Gumm-Gumms are ready to strike. The monsters seek vengeance on both our kind,” Arthur pointed out.

“And after all you've done, you expect us trolls to fight in this war for you?” Vendel asked, jabbing a figure at Arthur.

Arthur shook his head. “No, not for me; with me, as equals.”

“Glorkus me!”

“I vow, if we win this war, we shall live in peace.”

“Gumm-Gumm's are terrifying warriors while we are but humble gravel miners. How do you expect us to ever defeat Gunmar?”

“We will give you a secret weapon,” Arthur said.

Jim came up behind you. “You really think they can work this out?”

You and Douxie turned to face him. “They have to, or everyone in Camelot and Dwoza are doomed.”

“Then so is saving history. Great,” Claire grumbled.

“I assure you, all will be fine once I've completed my amulet,” Merlin promised as he walked over to your little huddle. “So, this is the once and future Trollhunter I've heard of. May I have a word, alone?”

Jim shrugged. “Um, sure. Be right back.”

You let go of Douxie to give him a quick hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, and it seems that there are some things I missed out on,” Jim said, looking at Douxie.

“I’ll explain everything later,” you promised as Jim walked away. You moved back over to Douxie, but decided to face away from Arthur and Vendel. Everytime you looked at your old mentor all you felt was a heavy crushing sensation in your heart and lungs. It felt like you couldn’t breath at times.

You had lost Vendel in such a horrible way and at such a horrible time. It killed you inside that you couldn’t warn him of Usurna’s treachery without fear of messing up history.

You recalled when you had first met him, you had snapped at him when he didn’t believe your brother would be a good Trollhunter and after you had calmed a little he had offered an apprenticeship to you. You hadn’t been onboard with having Véndel as your teacher, but he grew on you, the two of you had just gotten off on the wrong foot. And from there he grew into a father figure for you, just as Blinky had for Jim. He had always been a silent supporter of yours, encouraging you in your practice of magic.

You were once again snapped out of your musings by Claire. “I think they’re done talking, we should go discuss what’s gonna happen next,” she suggested and the four of you walked over there. “Hey, is everything okay? What are you talking about?”

Jim glanced nervously and guiltlily between you and Claire. “Oh, um... nothing. Just Merlin prepping me for the trip home.”

Douxie smiled. “Wait, wait, wait, you finally finished the Heart of Avalon? It's working?”

Merlin nodded “Indeed. But first, we must survive the battle to come.”

“Wizard,” Arthur called, interrupting any further conversation. “We've reached an agreement. Now you must convince the crowd.”

You and your friends stayed on the ground while Arthur and Merlin went up to a rock balcony that looked over an area of Dwoza. It was interesting how much cozier it was here than in the other Trollmarkets which were much more open concept. You would have enjoyed exploring it more had you not had other more important things to do.

“Trolls of Dwoza, hear us now!” Vendel called.

Arthur cleared his throat. “As we speak, death comes for us all. But we bring an offer of hope.”

Douxie grinned at you and opened the time map. “Here comes the light show.” A string of golden sparks flew out of it and around the room before converging into a bright ball. The ball glowed brighter before becoming a large projection of the amulet. It flew across the room where another projection appeared, showing Killahead Bridge. The Amulet found its place on the bridge and a portal opened up, consuming projections of gumm-gumms.

“I've designed a grand weapon, an amulet which will choose the greatest warrior among you to banish the Gumm-Gumm menace from our realm and become the Trollhunter!” Merlin announced. You cringed when you saw how the crowd of trolls reacted to the name.

“The amulet's power will activate Killahead Bridge, once a border between our worlds, turning it into a magic prison for Gunmar and his brood, trapping them in the Darklands and ending this war!” Arthur explained, trying to call attention back to the main goal.

“I, Draal, Dwoza's strongest, shall be chosen for glory!” Your head snapped up when you heard that voice. You couldn’t believe Draal was there too. He seemed just like himself, trying to earn the amulet. You felt more tears pool in your eyes when you remembered what had happened to him. He was yet another person you could not warn of future events.

You glanced over at Claire and Jim and you saw that their eyes were misty too. Douxie came over and wrapped his arm around you again gently wiping away a tear that had slipped out. You smiled up at him and took a deep breath. You’d have to stay focused and fight to keep your time together in the future intact.

“The battle will not be easy. While the wizard builds this am-yoo-let, the king's men will train our bravest,” Vendel announced.

Lancelot stepped forward. “Indeed. I shall guide the-“

Steve jumped on Lancelots back, startling the knight and making you laugh to which Douxie responded by looking at you with pure adoration in his eyes. “Yeah! Knights Steve and Lance here to whip you big hosses into warriors! Krav Maga! Turtle stance! Whoo! Ah! Hee-yaw!” Steve yelled, earning more laughs and a few cringes from you and Douxie.

Arthur ignored Steve’s outburst. “Then we ride for Killahead to draw Gunmar out.”

With those final words everyone cheered.

~~~~

“Well, it seems we may have a shot at surviving this after all,” Archie said as you walked through a hallway.

“One shot is the best I can offer. When Killahead activates, it shall unleash a surge of magic across the realm,” Merlin explained coming up behind you.

“Just enough to power the Heart of Avalon for a trip through time!” Douxie exclaimed.

“But only one, which means everything must go according to my plan. Hisirdoux, with me. I need your assistance.”

Claire smiled as Merlin left. “At least we're reunited. We'll get through this... together. Come on, I wanna take you somewhere.”

“Uh, you two take a beat. Merlin and I have still got to actually finish the amulet all our hopes are riding on,” Douxie said going off after Merlin.

You hesitated, trying to decide which way to go. It didn’t seem like Merlin needed you and Jim and Claire were going on an impromptu date.

Douxie turned to look back at you. “Coming, love?”

“I’m actually gonna stay here and train. Good luck with the amulet,” you said and Douxie nodded.

“I’ll meet you when you're done.” He gave a wave goodbye and you went your separate ways.  

You made your way to the training grounds and looked for a sparring partner however all the trolls declined, so you went and found yourself a rock.

You hummed to yourself as you practiced your swordsmanship and spells. For a years worth of Magic practice you were quite good if you did say do yourself. You had learned so many new things and you were so proud of yourself.

You leapt into the air, using your magic to push you up and sent a fire spell down at the rock. The spell hit the rock and it lit up with magical flames.

You waved your arms, calling the orange fire back to you and got ready to attack in another way. However, a tap on your shoulder interrupted you. You jumped, startled and whirled around only to find Douxie there. Your eyes were immediately drawn to the staff he was holding.

“Hey there, darling. How’s practice going?” He asked, an excited smile on his face.

“‘How’s my practice going?’ You got your staff! That’s so cool! You totally deserve it.”

“I-yeah.” He looked away from you and you could see that he was still holding himself to impossible standards. You moved closer to him.

“Hey, don’t give me that look you are such a great wizard.”

He leaned down to kiss you. “I guess I’m pretty excited.”

“‘Pretty excited,’” you scoffed. “You had such a big smile on your face when you walked in here. You are way more than ‘pretty excited’.”

“Fine I’m really excited and I can’t wait to use it. It’s gonna be nuclear.”

“I bet.”

Your conversation was cut off from stretching into the topic of the battle when Archie called for you guys, “Merlin is ready to reveal the amulet!”

“Coming!” You called back. Douxie offered you his arm and you took it as you made your way to the cozy little meeting room.

“Today, the amulet will choose one of you to defend your people, to hunt these trolls who have betrayed your kind. You will no longer fear the daylight. You will wield it as the Trollhunter,” Merlin announced and you grinned, looking about for Deya.

Callista scoffed. “Let's see which one of your brown-snouters gets picked.”

Draal stepped forward. “It would be my honor.”

Douxie looked over to Merlin who nodded. “For the Glory of Merlin... awake.”

“Whoa, whoa!” Callista exclaimed as the Amulet flew around the room, from troll to troll. You watched as it eventually settled on her.

“Rise, Trollhunter... and become,” the amulet said.

“Uh, I think your amulet has the wrong troll,” Callista protested.

Merlin shook his head and walked over to her. “No, the amulet does not make mistakes. For whatever reason, it has chosen you. Speak the incantation. Find your purpose, the savior of our worlds.”

Callista’s eyes widened. “Me? I've never been chosen for anything.” She admired the amulet and began to read the inscription. “'For the Glory of-‘“

Draal cut her off and you frowned at him. “Bushigal! It chose Callista the Calamity? She's basically a fleshbag.”

“This is the humans' big plan. The only place that outsider will lead us is death!” Another troll called.

“Ignore them. Accept this honor,” Merlin pushed.

Callista stutumbled, backing away. “No, they're right, I'm not a hero. I'm not even good at being a troll.”

“Go on, say the words!” Merlin yelled as Callista ran off.

“Cal, wait!” Jim called.

Callista briefly turned back. “I... I can't do this!”

You and your friends went to run after her, but Vendel stepped in front of you. “Is this some sick human joke? I believe you fleshbags have done enough damage.”

“We're doomed!” A troll behind you cried.

“Gumm-Gumms are coming for us and we've wasted time with your silly games!” Draal growled.

“We must hide!” Another added.

“We all must fight as allies,” Merlin argued.

Vendel scooted. “You think just because your king gives us a shiny toy, you can buy our loyalty? Leave, and take your trinkets with you!”

“The amulet chose Callista?” Archie questioned as he flew to a ledge behind Claire. You and your friends had retreated to another room after the whole scene and you were worried that things might not turn out. You took a deep breath, trying not to panic.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wasn't Deya the first Trollhunter?” Claire asked and you nodded.

“She was, Deya the deliverer. But I never met any trolls named Deya here,” you explained.

“Either way, without one, Killahead will be a bloodbath,” Douxie pointed out.

“I think I know where Callista went. Claire?” Jim prompted and a portal opened, swallowing them.

“What about the king? Doesn't history need him at Killahead as well?” Archie questioned again. He was making a lot of good points.

Douxie nodded. “Don't worry, I'm on it.”

The two of you made your way to the surface and you looked for Arthur’s aura, you had a good idea of where to look though and you found him.

He was kneeling by the edge of the cliff where Morgana had died, his crown discarded behind him.

“You should talk to him, he might still want to arrest me,” you whispered to Douxie.

“I’m sure he’s forgotten all about that, but I guess it’s inspirational speech time,” he mumbled, walking out of the trees towards the king.

You watched with Archie, but Arthur didn’t seem to be getting cheered up.

“Maybe you should go help him?” Archie suggested and you nodded.

“Let’s hope I don’t get arrested.”

“Who are you, boy?” Arthur asked as you walked towards him.

“I am Hisir-I'm nobody.” He sighed. “History won't remember me. Stories won't be told about me, but I won't let that stop me from fighting for what is right. You are Arthur Pendragon. No matter what happens today, I know for a fact that your story will be told. But it's up to you what legacy you leave behind-- an epitaph... or a legend.”

“But who will stand with me?” Arthur asked.

“I will,” you spoke up, wrapping an arm around Douxie.

“Galahad, stands with his king!” Galahad yelled, coming up on a horse.

“I will stand with you!” Lancelot vowed.

“Sir Steve's got your back, King-o!”

“And I,” Douxie added.

“You'll need air support,” Archie called, flying around you and Douxie.

Arthur grined. “Then let Camelot be remembered as the warriors we were born.”

“Huzzah!” Everyone cheered. You looked over at the setting sun and sighed. You had read so much about the Battle of Killahead and now you were participating in it. You could only hope the outcome would be the same.

~~~~

You arrived at Killahead bridge just as the sun began to truly set. Half the clearing was shaded and the other half was light, but that wouldn’t last long. You summoned your sword and a few daggers and got ready to fight.

You stopped at the tree line and looked up to see Gunmar and his army gathered upon some rocks.

“One king cannot stand against an army, Arthur!” Gunmar taunted as Arthur stepped forward.

“It's a good thing he has an army!” Douxie countered as the rest of you came out of the trees.

“Perfect! More meat for my troops. Beserkers, tenderize them!” Gunmar roared. You watched in horror as Gunmar sent some of his soldiers to their deaths. The moved into balls and rolled down into the clearing, turning to stone once they got into the sun.

“Living cannonballs! Look alive!” Archie warned. You leapt into the air as one got near you. You looked down and winced as you saw soldiers get taken out.

“We must hold Killahead Bridge, no matter what nightmares Gunmar throws at us,” Merlin ordered.

“Arthur, I can smell your fear!” Gunmar called and you could tell that he was growing impatient.

“It's leaking out of his pantaloons!” A gumm-gumm joked and you rolled your eyes. Arthur’s aura was radiating fear, but his courage and determination almost covered it up.

Gunmar laughed. “Prepare to be crushed!”

“Knights of the Round Table, our battle cry will shake the heavens and awake the old gods to witness. Today, we say 'no more' to fear and darkness! For Camelot and glory!”

Douxie turned to you, Jim, and Claire. “I know the Trollhunter isn't here, but we are! Champions! And when I get us all home, brunch on me! For Camelot!”

“For Camelot!” You all echoed, getting ready to rush into battle.

“USA! US- uh...Cam-e-lot! Cam-e-lot!” Steve chanted.

“Hisirdoux, our fates may be uncertain, but there's one thing I am sure of—I chose you well.” Merlin gave a small smile and gently nudged Douxie.

You took a breath. “We’ve got this.”

Douxie looked at Merlin and then you, determination shined in his eyes and radiated off of his aura. “Let's show these blokes the power of wizards!”

“For Camelot!” Arthur cheered as the sun finally disappeared. You, your friends and the rest of the army charged down into the little valley and you immediately blasted two gumm-gumms, though two more took their places. It worried you that Gunmar had so many soldiers.

You leapt into the air and sent a fire spell down, cutting through the enemy lines.

“Heads up!” You heard Claire yell as she came through a portal and kicked away a gumm-gumm. The beast stumbled backwards and you sent a knife through it.

“Just in the nick of time,” Jim thanked.

Claire chuckled, but was cut short by Jim wincing. “We're getting through this... together.”

You sent a quick pain relief spell at Jim then you turned your attention away from them and towards Douxie. He and Archie were taking care of things, but as you landed another gumm-gumm came up from behind. You raced over to him and when the gumm-gumm swung your sword was there to meet him. Douxie quickly moved out of the way and you dropped your sword, sidestepped and blasted the brute in the back.

Douxie turned and blasted a gumm-gumm that ran at him and stabbed one next to it. Another leapt into the air, but before it could hurt either of you DOuxie created a blue beam that trapped it in midair. He killed it and did the same to two other gumm-gumms.

“Arch!” Douxie called when he caught more in his beam. Archie dove towards you and set fire to the beasts. “Ha, ha! Always hated those twits!”

“You’ve got to teach me that some time,” you said, leaping high into the air. You curved and dove face first towards the ground, letting gravity build your momentum. At the last second you twisted again, using magic to keep you from breaking anything, and sent a magic ripple across the ground, taking out about a dozen gumm-gumms. You swayed a bit, not expecting the toll that modified spell would take on you.

“You’ve got to teach me that,” Douxie mimicked and you smiled at him, sending daggers through the gumm-gumms that were right behind him.

“Fight on! The day isn't over yet!” Arthur encouraged. Suddenly you felt a very dark aura enter the battlefield and you looked upwards to see a portal open.

“Night has already fallen.” Morgana yelled. She raised her arms as she touched the ground. “Elemen-zath!”

A blast similar to the one you had just made, rippled through the air. “Demon witch!” Galahad cried.

Douxie looked to you. “Morgana's returned! She's enemy number one!”

“Go! We'll hold the bridge!” Jim said, looking at you.

“Hisirdoux, with me!”

You hesitated, looking between Jim and Douxie. You watched as Jim winced slightly as he moved his arm.

Douxie turned back and you made eye contact with him. “Stay with Jim!” Douxie said, giving you a quick hug.

“Stay safe,” you called back as he ran off towards Merlin. You hopped you had made the right decision as you rejoined the battle fighting alongside your brother.

“Rally, Knights of the Round! Humanity will not go quietly this day!” Arthur called. “With me! Drive them back!”

“Yeah! I ain't afraid of no creeps!” Steve cried charging back into battle.

You raced away from them as you saw a few knights almost get the better of Bular. Swords clanged as you raced past the battle, feet barely hitting the ground. When you arrived you jolted to a stop.

You could outright help Bular, you had to be sneaky. A gumm-gumm came up from behind you and you whirled to face it, an idea forming. It swung its sword at you and you created a shield to meet it. Normally the sword would have bounced harmlessly off the shield, but instead you sent yourself flying backwards, crashing into the knights that were fighting Bular. Honestly they shouldn’t have been standing so close together if they didn’t want to be used as bowling pins.

Bular roared, running off into the ranks to pick an easier fight. You contemplated going after him to make sure he didn’t die and history stayed the same, but you decided against it when you saw him join up with Gunmar.

You apologized to the soldiers and went off to help Jim and Claire fight.

You took down gumm-gumm after gumm-gumm, even trying out the spell you had seen Douxie do. Though the spell you used most was your fire spell, it seemed to do the most damage and could hurt more gumm-gumms.

A blast of Excalibur’s magic radiated through the battle ground and you used the excess to try your spell again. You flew into the air twisted and hit the ground again, sending off another strong blast. Your orange magic turned many gumm-gumms to stone, but there was always more, just as there had been when you were fighting Angor Rot and his golems.

Your celebration was cut short however when the ground shook and a wave of heat hit you.

“The Arcane Order? They're here?” Claire cried.

“We may have come to the end of days! Charge!” Galahad ordered and you had to admire his bravery. You ran to face them with the knights and when one sent a fire spell towards the knights you put up your arms. The force of the spell sent you backwards, but you held your ground. You grunted and sent the flames back at the order, careful not to hurt Nari. She may have been bad now, but you understood that in the future she changed.

More knights rushed to take on the order and you fell back to help Jim.

“Y/n, give me a boost!” Jim called. You sent a wave of Orange magic towards him and he leapt into the air, coming down behind a line of gumm-gumms. They didn’t even have time to react before Jim turned them to stone.

You took care of any behind him, sending daggers at them.

“Y/n!” Claire warned and you whirled around to see some of the monsters charging at you. Before you could react, Claire sent you through a portal and you landed on top of a gumm-gumm’s shoulders. You blasted his two friends and flipped off of him, twisting in the air and performing your spell. The blast radiated around you and you immediately moved to fight more.

You sent spell after spell, fighting alongside Claire and Jim and occasionally Steve. You all watched each other's backs. You mimicked the beam spell Douxie did earlier, turning a gumm-gumm to stone

Suddenly Morgana’s aura was back and you snapped around shocked to see her completely unharmed.

“Brother! We have some unresolved issues,” she hissed.

Arthur stumbled back. “Sister? You're alive? Stop this! Our blood is the same.”

Morgana called. “Is that so? Then let's spill some of yours and make sure!”

You raced to Arthur, ready to take on Morgana yourself. You didn’t know what had happened to Merlin, Douxie, and Archie, but it was the unknown that scared you.

You watched as a golden light brought Arthur to his knees. “You were right. It is like you said.” He dropped Excalibur and you got ready to shield him if necessary. “We are all the same. I have wronged you, as I have all creatures in my realm. I now fight to save them from the violence I have sown. This carnage, these deaths, we can end this.”

Morgana hesitated and you slowed to a stop too. “This-this is a lie. A trick!”

Arthur shook his head. “No, this is our redemption. I should have listened to you.”

While you had been ready to guard against Morgana, what you hadn’t anticipated was the arcane order to teleport in and end him.

“Brother! No!” Morgana cried.

“Merlin's puppet is gone. Go finish it! Show us your loyalty, Morgana!” The fiery one ordered and you tensed ready to fight Morgana.

Her hands glowed gold and a blast radiated through the air as she let out an anguished wail.

“What have you done with Douxie!?” You asked, send a blast towards her. It hit her, sending her backwards, but she didn’t fall.

“What does it matter?” She asked, sending a blast towards you. You leapt into the air, ready to dodge it and pounce on her, but when you hit the ground she had disappeared.

You looked around for her, but she was nowhere. Panic and fear for Douxie and Archie coursed through you as you made your way back to Claire and Jim at an inhuman speed.

You jumped into their battle and took down five gumm-gumms, your anger and fear giving you the power.

“My king!” You heard Galahad cry and you looked over to see Arthur was no longer giving off an aura.

“Their king is dead! Leave no survivors,” Gumar ordered.

With that the gumm-gumms seemed to get a burst of energy. They overtook you, Jim, and Claire, forcing you to your knees. You began to squirm and chant a spell, but a disgusting piece of gumm-gumm armor was shoved into your mouth. It didn’t stop you from trying though as one raised its sword to kill Jim.

You broke free and sent a blast at all of your captors, freeing you. More of the monsters came to take their place, but a horn sounded, distracting them. You looked over to see Callista.

“Hey, need some help?” She asked. “Because I brought some friends!”

“Yes! We are here to not run away!” You heard Blinky yell.

“Well said, brother!” Dictatious said.

“Let's show these glorkheads how a real troll fights! For the glory of Merlin, daylight is mine to command!”

You watched in awe as she charged. A blue glow erupted from the amulet, slightly blinding you as she ran into the valley. Her armor came onto her piece by piece as she took down gumm-gumms. She was amazing.

“Callista, glad you made it!” Jim said as you all fought some of the remaining beasts.

Callista turned to all of you after she finished. “It's Deya, actually. It always was.”

“Deya?” You all echoed. A smile lit up your face.

“History is on track!” You cheered, but your smile faded fast when you recalled all that had happened before Callista arrived.

You turned to Claire. “I need to find Douxie.”

“I’m on it.” A portal bloomed and you readied your sword. “Be careful, I’ll come and help soon.”

“I will, let’s just hope that they’re okay.” You took a shaky breath and jumped in.

You walked out of the portal only to be blasted with a golden beam sending you into a wall. Apparently Morgana had gone to finish her fight with the wizards and your boyfriend was okay.

With that thought you fell to the floor. The breath was knocked out of you and you laid there, trying to find the strength to get back up before Morgana realized there was another magic user in the room.

“She's too powerful! We have no choice but to seal her away!” Merlin yelled.

“I know. I'll try to buy some ti-“ Douxie was cut off and you felt heat radiate through the room.

Morgana laughed. “Oh, shame! Little Douxie finally gets his staff, just in time to die with it!”

You finally gathered the strength to get up, your fear for Douxie once again consuming you. THankfully you noticed him lying on the ground on the opposite side of the room. Merlin had pushed him out of the way.

You took some deep breaths and created a shield around yourself. You watched as the fire cleared away, revealing Merlin to be in chains. Morgana charged and began to fight Douxie. He met her every move, countering her, but you didn;t know how long he’d be able to hold her off.

“You can't even wield it! You should stick to your usual tricks.” Morgana taunted and you realized that while she was distracted by Douxie, you could go free Merlin.

“Use the power of your staff! Make it your own!” Merlin encouraged Douxie as you came up to him. You put a figure to your lips to quiet the old wizard as you worked to undo the chains.

You carefully peaked around him to watch the battle and you were rewarded with the sight of Douxie’s staff transforming into an electric guitar. He raised its tricking Morgana in the face.

The witch stumbled backwards. “What?!”

Douxie admired the guitar. “Bleeding balroths! This is nuclear!”

Morgana put a shocked hand to her face. “Did you just strike with a-a lute?”

Douxie shook his head. “Uh-uh-uh-uh. No, uh-uh. Spellcaster guitar, darling.” He strummed it. “Needs tuning, though.”

Merlin groaned. “I meant make it your own weapon!”

“Well, this is technically an 'axe',” Douxie joked, earning a silent chuckle from you. He began to play more.

“Hisirdoux, this is no time for dreadful music!” Merlin scolded.

“Dreadful?” Douxie scoffed.

“Absolutely infernal,” Morgana agreed and you were tempted to reveal yourself to compliment Douxie’s music, but you thought better of it. You’d make sure to do it later though.

“No worries, this is just the opening track!” Douxie said, playing louder.

“What do you hope to do? Blow out our eardrums?” Merlin asked and you whacked him.

“Stay quiet,” you hissed as you got to the last bit of chain. “You don’t want Morgana to know I’m here.

“Well, pardon me if this rock is too freakin' awesome for your medieval sensibilities!” Douxie countered and you laughed, forgetting you were supposed to be silent. Thankfully Merlin covered it with a cough.  

Morgana held up her staff. “Enough of your noise!”

Morgana sent a beam of golden magic at Douxie who tried to counter, but you could see him struggling. “And...nope. Plan B,” he yelped, jumping down.

As they fought Morgana overpowered him and you watched as Douxie fell. Morgana sent a blast at Douxie who shielded himself, but he was quickly thrown against the wall, barely able to keep himself safe.

“Do not fret, Merlin. You'll find a new apprentice to replace him. Are people not dispensable, after all?” Morgana taunted, but her celebration was premature. Archie soared towards her, blasting her with fire just as you freed Merlin. He called his staff to him and you held out your hands. You and Merlin sent blasts at Morgana, giving Douxie the time he needed.

“Archie! Arch, light me!” Douxie requested. He heard out his hands and blue fire swirled around the room, creating a ring around Morgana.

You got ready to join the fight, but the fire quickly faded to show Douxie hovering in the air with a frozen Morgana. “Hurry! I can't hold her that long!”

Merlin brought his staff down and a green symbol grew out from it, creating a circle. “You've lost yourself, Morgana! Bound to dark magic. I have no choice but to seal you away! Sigilia infractum!”

Suddenly you and Merlin were pushed back as Morgana broke Douxie’s hold. “Master!” Douxie cried, rushing to Merlin. You noticed he seemed to be bleeding shadows.

Merlin groaned. “She's too powerful! You have to finish this alone.”

Douxie nodded, standing up. He placed his own staff down and began to chant. “Sigilia infractum! Causera!”

“I will destroy you all! No matter what it takes, no matter where you go, I will end all that you love until you feel my agony!” Morgana vowed, sending a blast of magic at Douxie. You threw out your hands sending a shield to him, but before it could hit a shadow portal appeared consuming it.

“Hey! Hands off my teacher!” Claire yelled.

Morgana scowled. “I swear on your lives, I shall rise again!”

Claire scoffed. “Already seen it. You don't win. See you in 900 years!”

Douxie completed the spell and you ran over to hug him, but instead he just fell into your arms.

“Douxie!” You cried.

“Douxie! Are you okay?” Claire asked as Archie jumped onto him.

Douxie yelped as Archie started licking him. “Ugh! That's-that's disgusting!” You and Claire laughed at him.

“At least you’re safe.” You smiled.  

Douxie sighed. “Well...I think we just saved history.”

“And took down a ninth-level sorceress,” Archie added.  “Merlin would be proud.”

You all looked over to see the sleeping wizard. “Yeah, if he wasn't out cold,” Claire said.

~~~~

Now that the battle was over, it was time to get your affairs in order and go home. You had mostly enjoyed your time in Camelot, but you were definitely homesick and you really missed Mao.

“Everybody, ready yourselves. We don't have much time. I'll dial us in for when we left,” Douxie said as he stood at the helm of the castle.

“But what's gonna happen when we get there? The danger we escape, it'll be waiting for us. And Jim's still hurt,” Claire reminded.

“Yeah, we need a plan or something. Can you encase Jim in the gem like Merlin did?” You asked.

Douxie looked at you and Claire, pity shining in his eyes. “Claire, Y/n, about that... Jim is-“

“Ready to face the inevitable,” Jim interjected.

Douxie hesitated. “Jim, are you sure?”

“Jim?” You and Claire asked.

Jim sighed. “Claire, the shard in...There is no cure. That's what Merlin told me earlier.”

Claire took a step back. “That's crazy! We can find something! I'll learn a spell. We can stay here.”

Jim shook his head. “If we don't all go back right now, the future won't exist. And what kind of hero would I be if I sacrificed everyone else? Not to be ironic, but we're out of time.”

“No, no, no. We can’t be out of time, you’re only sixteen,” you protested.

“Douxie, tell him! We can fix this! You can fix this!” Claire cried.

Douxie looked away from you. “I'm sorry. He's right. We must go back now, but when we do, we'll find a way to reverse this. I promised I would return you home, and I am, but the portal can only stay open for a few moments. This is our one shot. Trust me.”

Jim shook his hand and you hugged your brother tightly. You weren’t ready to let him go, but you relented and joined Douxie.

“You said to make the tough calls, old man. I hope I'm doing the right thing,” he mumbled. He hit a switch on the time map and you watched as the rings around the Heart of Avalon shifted till they were aligned, creating a bright beam of light and your portal home.

Douxie helped you to the boat and you jumped on.

Claire helped Jim over. “There has to be another way. This isn't fair!”

Jim gave a sad smile. “That seems to be a reoccurring thing with us. You sure you wanna keep dating me?”

Claire mimicked his smile. “I'd date you for a hundred lifetimes, Jim Lake.”

A tear fell and Jim wiped it away. “Hey, we'll figure this out. We always find a way to save each other.”

You and Douxie walked over to the helm and he put his staff in. “It’s gonna be okay,” he promised you.

“Man Camelot was crazy! Why don’t they ever talk about that in the history books?” Steve asked, walking to the bow and earning a chuckle from you.

You gently leaned it to Douxie as you went through the portal. “My burden to bear,” he whispered.

You shook your head. “We’ve got this. We’ll find a way to make everything right.”

****

Yay, it's out! I can't believe after this there is only one more chapter........until the movie comea out, if course. After that I'll continue it. But stil, it's come a long way. Anyways, I hope y'all have a fantastic day/night and stay safe! Thanks for reading! I hope you like it and feel free to leave comments.

Also thank you to @super-nova-of-death @lillycore and @catuskat666 for helping me make a decision for were to take this chapter!

P.S. if you want to be on the taglist feel free to ask. I hope it works and please message me if it doesn’t.

[iaintyourbro]

I’ve just read your piece on Zack & Cloud (you nailed it). What Zack & Aerith has together as a couple is much much more than what she will ever have with Cloud. Zack & Aerith has a long and meaningful romantic relationship, this same ‘romantic relationship’ never existed with soldier/true-Cloud, ever. Zack importance to Aerith and Cloud should’ve never ever been questioned, period.

Hey anon! 

I agree 100%... Aerith’s interest in Cloud did begin because of Zack. She wanted info on Zack. This was more clear in the Remake since she flat out comes out and says it was the first guy she loved AND tries to tell Cloud his name. In Crisis Core, she wrote 89 letters to the guy. One every two weeks for four years. She waited four years. Four. Years. 

I would say that’s not something small. Zack obviously meant the world to her. She also meant a lot to Zack. When he realized she’d written her last letter and it’d be four years, he was devastated. He tells Cloud while still in the Inn in Nibelheim that they needed to get to Midgar because he saw the list of 23 tiny wishes.

Zack and Aerith’s relationship was a focus in Crisis Core. There were a lot of cute moments between the two of them. Something we don’t see with even Tifa and Cloud, but this is also due to a personality differences between the four of them.

Aerith was shy at first - she was young - Zack was the charming, handsome guy that was friendly to her. 

He called her an Angel when he woke up in her church. Zack immediately seemed taken with Aerith here. Yes, he was described as a flirt, and in OG they pretty much called him a womanizer (this is where some of this hate is coming from... I don’t think it was supposed to be taken so seriously). In Crisis Core, Zack gets teased about talking to Aerith because everybody knows she’s special. In OG, Zack’s parents say that he did write home about a girlfriend. 

What did Cloud do? Gave her a dirty look and didn’t even remember who she was.  Even though he’d met her before. Cloud doesn’t like people, though, especially not people he doesn’t know. However, he will help anybody - even people he doesn’t know - and Aerith appears to need help before he leaves the church. 

The first two pictures on the top are when he first sits up. The second one in particular is him backing up from her like “Who tf are you?” This is just Cloud. This isn’t specifically against Aerith. He would have done this with anybody he didn’t know. 

The third picture is him looking up at the hole in the church roof and probably wondering how he’s even still alive. The last one is right after she says “Nice to meet you again!” This look cracks me up. It is that like of “Ooookayyy.” Go watch it. It’s hilarious to see him change his face when he turns his head. 

The pictures of Cloud kind of crack me up. I would really like to see the same scene that Crisis Core had with Zack falling through to see the level of animation on his face. The graphics were good for the time, but the new technology really helps to show a lot of what’s going through their minds. 

In Remake, they made sure to have two holes in the ceiling after Cloud falls through to show where Zack fell through and where Cloud fell through. Of course Aerith is excited - she just had a guy fall through the church just like Zack did... and he has Zack’s sword and clothes on. 

This just shows the difference between Cloud and Zack and how they are. Zack was flirty and charming. Cloud is... well, Cloud is Cloud. He’s not smooth (he tries and does succeed a few times I suppose), but he’s an awkward ham. This was a stranger to him and he just wanted to go home at this point.

Aerith’s personality in CC vs OG and Remake shows her character growth. Mostly due to her experiences with Zack... she picks up on some of his confidence and mannerisms. Zack helped Aerith feel confident, just like he helped Cloud feel more confident.

I think some of the scrutiny and looks Cloud gets around Sector 5 may be related to this above comment from the Attendant. They seem to like Zack very quickly. I think they start off when Aerith first brings Cloud to Sector 5 with thinking maybe he’s like Zack, but seem turned off by him pretty quickly, because he’s nothing like Zack in how he acts. 

I also found it comical that Aerith’s reaction to the guy’s second comment is that they just meant, but her next line is contemplating that perhaps something IS there between them...

This is how she acts when her and Cloud are called a couple in Wall Market:

Sad. She just  looks sad. She doesn’t want this. She was okay with it being about Zack 5 years prior to this, but I think it also reminds her of that moment. It’s painful for her. Cloud also doesn’t react positively. Sadly we don’t have a good view of Zack’s reaction because, well, it wasn’t a cut scene and they really didn’t animate idle characters back in the day. 

Zack teases Aerith. A lot. He makes fun of her for being picky about the flower cart, but does agree to upgrade it like she wants. He tells her to write down all of her tiny wishes after teasing her about it. Aerith teases Zack back too. Aerith tries to tease Cloud and doesn’t really get a great response... because he probably doesn’t even know what she’s doing. He’s dense. Like really dense. He does it with Tifa because he’s initiating it. With Aerith he’s just dense. Teasing generally is seen as flirting, especially the type that goes on between Zack and Aerith.

Zack didn’t need to be cool, but he does ask Aerith if he’s cool for killing some monsters. I think he’s trying to flirt with her more there.... Zack was Zack. He wore his heart on his sleeve and didn’t see selling flowers as uncool. This also shows just a basic maturity difference between Cloud and Zack, but that’s not really Cloud’s fault. Personality wise, though, I think Cloud would sell flowers if a girl he liked asked him to as his real persona... He pretty much does whatever Tifa asks him to in Chapter 3 without really complaining.

I think in Remake, too, they made it clear that the Turks were aware of her relationship with Zack. Rude says to Aerith when he sees Cloud with her “This your new boy toy.” She seems a bit offended by this and tells Rude it’s her bodyguard. 

It was pretty clear that Zack was more interested in getting to know Aerith right off the bat. He bought her a cute pink ribbon for her hair, which of course is always a source of argument on whether or not Remake “retconned” the ribbon, since she has the ribbon as a child too, but I don’t think they took that away. 

Then we’ve got the park. Zack is excited... Cloud needs a nap. I really don’t think Aerith was romantically interested in Cloud in Remake. I think in OG at the park part it was more that Aerith was interested in Cloud, but also interested to see if he knew anybody from SOLDIER. It’s much more apparent in Remake that she’s more interested in who he knows from SOLDIER. She takes him to the same place that she took Zack. 

Cloud is mostly cold towards Aerith until after she tells him about Zack. He seems to soften up a bit after that. I’m not sure if he’s more comfortable or if he gets a zap during his episode to tell him to stop being a dick to her. 

Overall, though, Zack and Aerith have a ton of cute moments in Crisis Core. She cared about the guy a lot. She’s not over him in Remake, she’s trying to convince herself that she is... but she’s not. There’s no closure for her, for one. She kept writing for four years... if she really didn’t care, didn’t want to wait, why write to him for so long and so frequently? 

With Cloud, this was a potential new prospect, but also a way to try to get closure on what happened. If you notice, they don’t have Aerith say he probably ran off with some other girl, like she does in OG. I think with the Crisis Core story showing a much better picture of how those two were, it wouldn’t have fit.

Aerith and Zack have one of the more outwardly romantic stories in FFVII’s Compilation. By. Far. Tifa and Cloud’s is a deeper one that isn’t shown through words and flirting. Most of what Tifa and Cloud do isn’t shown to the player outwardly. A lot of it is through physical contact, like in Part 1. Tifa tells Cloud under the Highwind that words aren’t the only way, so they’re really playing that up. 

Anybody who denies that Zack and Aerith had a pretty solid, heavily implied, romantic relationship either didn’t play Crisis Core or refuses to acknowledge it. It’s slammed in your face in Crisis Core. I honestly forgot how cute the two were until I was watching clips of them and was pretty surprised at how blatant they were with these two. It’s more blatant than most FF couples that early on, honestly. 

They do have a tragic romance - we know his fate in the normal timeline and we know her fate, but it’s definitely super cute and I would say she absolutely loved him. I think it turned from puppy love to true love the longer she waited for him. Zack brought out a lot of Aerith’s charm that we see in OG and Remake that people always say is what brings Cloud out of his shell. The guy who helped Cloud be more confident and come out a bit, helped the girl who further helps Cloud come out a bit. Cloud and Aerith never did have anything close to what Zack and Aerith did, whether or not they would have is up for interpretation. My guess is no.. Cloud’s true self was and is in love with Tifa. It wouldn’t be fair to Aerith, honestly. I think Aerith was interested in meeting real Cloud. I don’t think she only liked his SOLDIER persona, but it was all she knew about him. 

Discounting her relationship with Zack is shitting on her character. By comparison, Cloud is not exactly nice to Aerith at first. Yes, he does become nicer to her. In OG, player choice dictates this more, so you can be nice or you can be mean to her. In Remake, you don’t get a choice. He’s cold at first towards her and slowly warms up to her, just like he did with Avalanche and crew. The only one he doesn’t need encouragement to be nice to is Tifa, but we know why.

Thanks for the ask!

[docmanda]

86 for Mu Qing and Xie Lian (no matter if shippy or platonic) please?

there you go, I hope you like it :-) Prompt was “I´m scared”

Mu Qing is cursing as he uses the damp cloth his assistant hands him to wipe the sweat of his face, striding along the corridors of his Palace fast enough that the other official has trouble keeping up with the martial God. Who the hell wants to visit him when he is training? Everybody should know by now that he hated to be interrupted, he had made that abundantly clear multiple times in terms even the most dense of Gods should be able to understand...and that bastard Feng Xin was busy trying to keep his child and woman in check, he didn't have the time to come and be purposely annoying Mu Qing.

The fact that his assistant had only blushed and stuttered when he had asked him who the unbidden visitor was had only aggravated him further. Really, there weren't that many people who would willingly come and visit him and even if the Middle Heaven Official was new to his job he should know most major Gods by now. That meant his visitor was probably just some low level lackey wanting to curry favor with him. Well, he´d give the guy his first lecture for free: Never piss off General Xuan Zhen. Mu Qing´s smirk sends shivers down the poor junior official´s spine, trying to make himself as small and unnoticeable as possible as they enter Mu Qing´s waiting room….only to nearly run right into his General's back when he abruptly comes to a halt.

“Dianxia?What are -you- doing here?””

Xie Lian turns to greet him, his usual soft and slightly sheepish smile wilting slowly when he sees Mu Qing´s scowl and his sweat-sodden training clothes. He is just standing in the middle of the room, looking lost. No one has offered a seat or tea, clearly thinking him too unimportant for that, just another supplicant trying to weasel merits out of their General. Mu Qing can feel his ire rise at this rudeness. Xie Lian´s smile falters even more, looking wooden on his pale face and he starts to fidget slightly with a few loose threads on his shabby robes, clearly feeling uncomfortable. Mu Qing´s fingers itch for his needles, a centuries-old reflex he can't seem to shake whenever he sees his Prince in these rags of his.

“Ah...I thought you might want to play some Xiangqi? Or just have some tea? ...I can leave if it´s..not a good time? I can see I interrupted your training, I apologize. I will come back another time.”

Xie Lian bows slightly but before he can turn and leave Mu Qing´s feet carry him to his side without asking him first and he finds himself grabbing for the other's sleeve. ´You are such an idiot´, he berates himself, his inner voice sounding suspiciously like Feng Xin´s. `There you go blabbing about how you want to be friends and the moment Xie Lian show up to visit -like friends do- you treat him like an unwelcome intruder.´ 

“No it´s alright. Just..give me a few minutes to clean up alright? You! How can you leave his Highness standing in the hall like a beggar? He is an honored guest, escort him into the gardens and tell the kitchen to prepare tea and sweets.” 

The poor assistant gets cuffed over his head roughly for his trouble, bowing deeply in apology before doing as he was told, Xie Lian looking at Mu Qing helplessly before he gets whisked away. The Martial God sighs, pushing his sweat soaked bangs out of his face before hurrying towards his chambers, shouting for water and fresh clothes. Something had seemed off about the other man, making Mu Qing´s heart flutter in nervous anticipation. Even without the shackles Xie Lian was still prone to accidents and just good at attracting trouble. And without that thrice damned ghost king around to scare everything away who knows what kind of trouble he had gotten himself into now, that he actually came to Mu Qing out of his own volition.

By the time Mu Qing has cleaned up and changed his clothes he has worried himself into a frenzy, convinced that something horrible must have happened for Xie Lian to come up to the Heavens unannounced and visit him. Yes, they had met before, Mu Qing had meant it when he said he wanted to be friends but it had always been in tea houses or at Puji Shrine and always after setting a date through the communication error. Xie Lian usually avoided going to the Heavens as much as he could and that he would just appear at Mu Qing´s door like this was worrying, to say the least.

Mu Qing´s suspicions that something is off only get stronger when he enters his garden and sees that the tea and sweets in front of Xie Lian are still untouched, his white silhouette stiff and unmoving. As picky as he might have been as a child he would never leave food to just sit around like that and go to waste nowadays, Mu Qing had learned that by now and didn't want to think too much about, it being a testament to the many times of starvation Xie Lian had to endure during the last 800 years. Mu Qing can feel his stomach clench with worry as he slides into the seat opposite the other man, gesturing for the servants to bring fresh tea.

“Dianxia. Sorry for having you wait.”

“Don´t be, I came unannounced after all and interrupted you, I should be the one to apologize.” Xie Lian shakes his head lightly, the smile on his face not reaching his eyes as he accepts a new cup of tea, rolling the hot cup between his fingers as if he was cold before taking a small sip. Mu Qing fiddles around with his own cup to fill the silence, carefully sideeyeing the other man. He does not seem to be injured, which is good, but he looks...uneasy? Sad? Melancholic? Mu Qing can't really put a finger on it and it drives him crazy that he can´t. He had been so good at guessing at his Prince´s wellbeing just from the small changes of his ever present smile..but that had been many, many years ago. Xie Lian had changed, and so had Mu Qing. 

Xie Lian doesn't speak, his cup forgotten in his hands already and his gaze getting lost in the distance. Mu Qing waits for a few moments longer before putting his own cup back on the table with a sigh, moving to slide onto the cushion next to Xie Lian instead of sitting opposite him. They´re close enough that their shoulders brush, making Xie Lian look up in puzzlement and Mu Qing tries very hard to ignore how forbidden being this close feels, way too intimate for a Prince and his servant...but just close enough to comfort a friend.

“Xie Lian...what is the matter?”

The man next to him seems to wilt unto himself, unconsciously drawing close to the warmth next to him and leaning close.

“I am...I have been a little bit lonely I think. Puji Shrine is such a small space and yet it feels too big without him...and…” 

Mu Qing pushes slightly against him, encouraging him to keep talking. Hua Cheng is the reason for Xie Lian´s sadness then...or his absence to be more precise. He still doens´t know what to actually think about that…-thing- the Devastation and his Prince apparently had going on, he didn't even know if he wanted to think too much about it for many reasons. But it was obvious that Xie Lian cared for the other man just as deeply as the ghost king did for him...and that his ´disappearance´had hurt him deeply and left him heartbroken.

“And?”, he gently prompts.

“I am scared. That he won´t come back.”

Xie Lian´s voice does not exactly break but it has a brittleness to it that makes Mu Qing think of lonely nights and silent tears and he forcibly pushes back age old restrictions and taboos to sling an arm around his friend's back, pulling him into a one armed embrace. Xie Lian lets himself be pulled without any resistance, the touch of his forehead against Mu Qing´s shoulder as light as a feather. He still feels a little bit hesistant, but this is new for both of them and will take some getting used to, Mu Qing thinks. But they have time, he supposes. For now he needs to concentrate on doing what was most important: console his friend.  

“Xie Lian..I honestly don´t think there is any power in this world or the next that could keep Hua Cheng away from you. He is an arrogant little prick but as much as I dislike him even I have to admit that it's obvious how much he cares for you.”

“...pot, meet kettle.” It is a sad little attempt at humor, with neither force nor conviction behind it but Mu Qing does Xie Lian the favor of snorting lightly, gently bumping the other man's shoulder. They sit like this for a while in surprisingly comfortable silence until Xie Lian speaks up again.

“It´s hard, waiting. I don´t know how he did it for so long...”

Mu Qing sighs softly, having grown confident enough by now to properly pull him into a tight embrace, elation warming his limbs with how easily Xie Lian allows him to. Maybe this ´being friends´thing wasn´t that terribly hard at all...

“It´s alright. I´ll wait with you.”

[lawyerd]

This obviously isn’t the way I expected things to end, but, as I’ve been alluding to all week, today I am officially finished with law school!!

Thanks to everyone that joined me on this journey. I saved this URL in the spring before my 1L year, after spending months flipping through other studyblrs and feeling motivated and, frankly, in love with the aesthetic. I started off taking a bunch of photos and saving them to my drafts, thinking I’d only ever really “launch” this blog if I amassed enough content first, since I knew I’d be too busy to actually update it daily without some kind of backlog of posts. That plan went out the window sometime in November of 1L when I accidentally hit “post” instead of “save to drafts” and this blog was officially born.  

This blog was a little light for me throughout law school, but especially during 1L. Spending 15 minutes a day to do something as little as arrange my books and edit a photo gave me a break when I most needed it. During 1L, I was still struggling to meet my friends, so interacting with the online grad and law school communities made me feel supported and encouraged. I feel like I answer less question now than I once did (is this because people have stopped asking or just because I’m tired LOL there’s no way to know), but I loved sharing a little bit of insight into what my experience was like and I was surprised to see that nearly 40,000 of you were interested in hearing it. 

My blog has changed over the last few years, from a focus on hand lettering, something I’ve always loved but that’s time-consuming and inappropriate for legal notes, to quicker and easier photos of what I’m reading, eating, drinking, enjoying and well, looking at. I hope the shift hasn’t been disappointing haha. I feel like it happened pretty casually. I think the stress of law school has helped me to slow down in my personal life and find enjoyment in, well, at the risk of sounding cliche, the little things. Waking up early enough to truly enjoy a cup of coffee before school or work has become a singular pleasure, as has a nice, fresh pastry and long, comforting novel. 

This slower lifestyle seems well-suited to COVID-19, and I guess in a way, I’ve been lucky in this moment that so much of my own joy has always derived from being in my own home, but the world still feels terrifying and isolating and it’s a strange time to graduate, and a stranger time still to celebrate your own accomplishments. 

I think I enjoyed law school a lot more than much of the online law school community, but man, I’m happy it’s over. I met some of my best friends here and had some truly fun, goofy, incredible times, but I also developed both high blood pressure and an anxiety disorder solely from school-related stress, gained and lost weight every few months in a cycle, lost more sleep than I can possibly convey and strained a lot of my personal relationships at various points. I feel physically exhausted and as though I’ve really dragged myself across the finish line here. 

I keep finding myself tearing up. This is huge, guys. I decided I’d like to be a lawyer when I was like 11 or 12, but I never thought I’d do actually do it. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just been life-long imposter syndrome. I’m the first lawyer in my family, which is in and of itself a hurdle, and I feel like I faced constant financial and familial hurdles throughout. I didn’t get into those here, but trust that they were many. These past three years have been the hardest of my life for more than just school-related reasons. I know I have a lot of younger followers in high school and younger, so I suppose this is my very corny, but absolutely heartfelt message to you to follow your dreams. It’s not always easy, but you can do it. 

So, next steps - first, a short break, unusual for law grads who usually immediately have to take the bar. I was initially devastated at the bar’s postponement, but I’m trying to take advantage of the delay to heal myself a bit, hopefully, while working on some pro-bono COVID-related projects. Then, I’ll study the delayed bar (fingers crossed that it isn’t pushed back further) and, eventually, become a lawyer.

Thanks for joining me on this ride  ⚖️

Xxx Kit 

[reidimagines]

Extra colors

a/n: wheee thank u anon for requesting this! hope you enjoy it!

summary: when emily comes back from the death, Y/n can’t be anything except happy, because her girl is back. she can come hom again.

It had been a week. Seven days. You never knew time could pass so fast, yet so slow at the same time. It felt as if time wasn’t anythng more than a concept you had escaped. You felt utterly numb, and while it was better than the devastation you’d expected, it felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. Your home felt too big, without Emily. The fridge too full, without her snacking at two in the morning, the couch needed more pillows. 

It was stupid, and you knew that. Emily had been gone for cases longer than seven days. A week. And yet, this felt so different. It was different, because, as much as you hadn’t yet accepted it, she wasn’t coming back. Every day would be a day without Emily. When you thought about it, it was worse than a nightmare. Your nightmares had always been plagued with her getting hurt, but you’d never imagined her…

--

It had been a week, since you’d buried her. A little more since she had died. You wished you’d lost count, or wished you had the strength to go to her grave. You didn’t have the energy to do anything, didn’t feel the need to do anything. Your friends came with food, they switched shifts, but they all did the same. 

They made you food, you ate together, them talking about funny things that happened, until they weren’t even sure if you were with them, mentally. Then, they’d hold your hand, whispered encouraging things, like: “the pain will ease”, “time heals all wounds”, “if you want to take your mind off of things, I’m free”. It was useless, but you’d smile, squeezing their hand back, and said “thank you”, like you were supposed to. 

You felt numb, were still waiting for that feeling to change into sadness. You felt like the pain would crash in, you were waiting for the cracked glass to break. Your breaking point was near, and in a way, you hoped it would come. It felt like you weren’t mourning enough, as stupid as that sounded. 

You couldn’t sleep, it was always filled with her, which made waking up even worse. You couldn’t eat, not when she couldn’t anymore. You weren’t even hungry. If it weren’t for your friends, you would not eat, drink, or shower. You supposed it was a bit better than crying for days. 

But, life goes on, and on the eight day, you went back to work. They gave you simple tasks. You needed to get out, your mom came to clean your place for you. It was routine, but it did take your mind off things, even if it was just for a moment. At the end of the day, you offered a coworker a genuine smile, when she handed you a thick file that needed to be processed before the end of the month. It was more time than she should have given you, so you were grateful. You could spent your sleepless nights going over files, now. 

As you walked home, you began to think that maybe that was your life without Emily. Empty. It felt like it would always be like that. 

You unlocked the door, the smell of lavander coming towards you. Your mother did use nice smelling products. That’s what you thought, at least. As you dropped your bag and moved further into the house, the smell got stronger. 

There were flowers on the table. Your mother thought flowers were a dumb gift, as much as you’d always loved to have them in house. She wouldn’t buy you these. With trembling fingers, you reached for the note, feeling like your heart might beat out of your chest.

It was a simple, handwritten note, with ‘flower subscription Levi’ on the back. As fast as your heart was beating, it suddenly stopped. Emily paid for this, paid them to deliver flowers every two weeks. She must’ve paid for the month. You opened the note, tears springing in your eyes for the first time since the funeral. 

“Because you make me the happiest woman in the world, love Emily”

A sob so loud it almost couldn’t be human, left your mouth as your knees threatened to give out under you. You chocked on your own breath, a hand clasped in front of your mouth to keep the sounds in as tears rolled over your cheeks. You couldn’t see anything, it was like everything, the past eight days, came at you all at once.

She was never coming back. 

She was gone. 

She was under the ground. 

She wasn’t with you. 

She’d never be with you again. 

You clutched the note to your chest, not bothering to get a chair and just let yourself slide on the ground, until you were sitting there, head on your knees, crying your eyes out. It could have been ten minutes, it could have been ten hours. You didn’t know, and you didn’t care. The tears finally stopped enough for you to sniff, move to the bathroom and get dressed for bed. The note was still in your hand. You couldn’t stop the occasional tear from rolling over your cheeks, but you were in one of her sweaters and your pajama bottoms. You entered the bedroom, but stopped in your tracks. 

On the bed, was a stack of pictures. Your mom must have found them, thought you might like to look at them. But you knew those pictures. They were all with Emily, had been in a small box in your closet. You’d taken selfies and pictures of her every date, hoping to one day make a picture book. That was never going to happen now. You weren’t even sure if you could look at them. At least, not now. 

You backed away slowly, closing the door and moving to the couch instead. Under a blanket, with the note pressed to your chest, you cried yourself to sleep, into the first dreamless night in eight days. 

--

After that, it started to get better. Three weeks later, you looked through the pictures, four weeks later, you hung them up. Week six, you went through her stuff. You couldn’t throw any of it away, not just yet, but you put it in the attic, with the help of JJ, who had ended up on your doorstep. 

Week seven, Derek and Spencer asked if you wanted a ride to her grave. You went for the first time since the funeral. A week later, you went by yourself, a small bouquet of daisies with you. She’d brought you daisies on your first date. Desîte the flower subscription, she sometimes still brought back daisies with a kiss. “You deserve them unexpectedly, too.” She’d say, and you’d smile for the rest of the day.

Time went on, and while you missed her everyday, life started to gain some color again. You knew for certain that you’d never see some colors again, though. There were colors that had only been Emily’s, and you’d lost that. But the orange of a sunset came back, the blue of the lake, the green of the grass, and the stars eventually began to sparkle a bit brighter again, too. 

You were far from fine, but you were dealing, coping, learning how to live with a wound that would forever be there. You were learning how to live without a part of you. 

-- 

“Hey, what’s up?” You said, leaning back against the wall of your office building. You wanted to go on a lunch break with a coworker when Derek called. You went outside to take it as he dealed with the last things before he could leave. “Haven’t heard from you in ages, you’re better calling to go to a club or something, I have the weekend off, so if you’re in town-” You rambled, before Derke stopped you. 

“Y/n,” He said, and your smile dropped. you recognized that voice. It’s the same one he used when he said what had happened. 

“Oh god, is everything okay?” You tucked strands of hair behind your ear that weren’t even loose, pushed yourself away from the wall and began pacing, light panic settling in you. 

“Yeah, but… you should come. I can’t really… explain on the phone.” 

He seemed at loss of words, and you began fumbling for your keys. Why would he need you, not even a cop, to come to the office? “I’ll be there in fifteen.” 

“Okay,” He said, hanging up. No teasing, no banter, nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Something had to be very wrong, then. 

You passed the speed limit a few times, had to stop yourself from going even faster. You were scared, anxious. You didn’t know what was going on, but it couldn’t be much good.

Derek was waiting for you, letting you in.

You rushed into the elevator, unable to stand still, but unable to move at the same time. your heart was racing in your chest, and you pressed your nails in your palm, anything to stop your mind from going from bad to worse. Derek just looked at you, not sure if he should say something. If he was being honest, he was speecheless himself.

The doors, after what felt like an eternity, slid open. No one of the team was in sight, you guessed briefing room, then. You hurried up the stairs, your breath stuck in your throat, your body shaking ever so slightly, although you couldn’t say for sure why. 

The blinds were closed, and you shifted on your feet before knocking. Hotch opened the door. “Y/n,” He said, his expression not telling much. “Good. Come in.” 

He let you in, and for a moment, you didn’t understand why you had to come. But then, you thought you saw a ghost. You could feel the color drain from your face, a violent shake setting into your limbs. You couldn’t even find the words the describe what you were feeling, it was everything all at once. 

“Y/n,” You hadn’t even believed she was real in the first place, having a brain tumor that made you see things seemed like a more logical explanation. But when she spoke, you knew it was her. You’d lost touch of her voice as time had passed, although you’d never forgotten how it made you feel. But now, it was too much. She spoke, and she said your name in her tone. She moved, it was only a step, but she moved. And she was alive. Alive. You took a step, slowly, tasting if your legs could still carry you. Then, you realized you didn’t care. You would crawl, would drag yourself forwards with you teeth, if you had to. You bolted, it was only a few steps, but you’d never moved that quick in your life. 

Her arms opened right in time for you to stumble into. Your arms around her neck as you pulled her closer. She was here. You hadn’t felt the tears until you couldn’t see anymore. You buried your face in her neck. She smelt the same. You’d forgotten what she smelt like; her shampoo was still branded in your memory, but it didn’t smell the same in the bottle. 

You wished you could say something, anything at all, but you’d swallowed all your words, and none wanted to come out. You stayed like that for a long while. The team left the room, giving you some privacy. 

Eventually, you found words. Or, only one, at least. “Emily,” You whispered, your voice breaking. “You’re-” How were you supposed to finish that? 

“I’m alive,” She said softly. You pulled back a bit, bringing your hand to her chest. She was alive, her heart was beating fast and steady, and your breath hitched. Tears rolled over your cheeks, and you were sure you’d drown in them. 

“But, how?” You managed to get out, not ready to let go yet. 

“I- it was too dangerous to stay.” That didn’t answer anything, but your mind wasn’t ready to ask those questions. 

“You’re back?” You whispered, leaning your forehead against hers, giving her time to pull away. Seven months was a long time, a lot could have happened. But she didn’t pull away, she threaded her fingers through your hair, it felt familiar. 

“I am,” She said, letting a tear slip. “I’m not leaving you again, I’m so sorry.” 

You sniffed, realizing you felt relieve, happiness. “Can I kiss you?” 

She looked at you, glancing for only a moment, but it was so familiar and new at the same time you wanted to scream. Then, she connected your lips. It tasted like tears, your lipbalm, and the lipstick Emily couldn’t be spotted without. Your hands moved to her face, pulling her even closer. You couldn’t imagine letting her go, not anytime soon. 

“I’ve missed you, I’ve mourned you,” You began, not knowing how to finish as you closed your eyes. Emily wiped at your tears, and her hands were warm, they were warm, and pulsing with blood, and were alive. 

“I’m sorry.” She seemed at loss of words, too. It was okay, you could talk later. She was alive, and she was back. 

“I’m just glad you’re back.” You chocked out, sniffing before smiling softly. 

She smiled, too. Your heart and stomach made backflips, and it was as of you were falling in love all over again. “I’m back home.” She said, looking you in the eye, and it was hard to miss what she meant. 

You kissed her again, not able to put all the emotions in it. “I-” You tried, but failed. It was too much; you were feeling too much, and too little at the same time. The only thing you were aware of, was that your chest felt too small for your heart. 

“We can talk later,” She muttered. “When we’re… recovered.” 

You chuckled, your grip not faltering. “Give me a year, then.” 

She closed her eyes with a smile leaning into your touch. You could sense the million sorry’s she wanted to say, but couldn’t yet. You wanted to say that it wasn’t okay, but you couldn’t. She was back, and that was all that mattered.

“I love you.” You said. Your voice surprisingly strong. “I can’t wait to give you flowers instead of…” 

“We’ll talk this out, okay?” She took a step back, and instantly, you could think a bit more clear. “I love you too, just… I haven’t stopped loving you.” 

“Are you coming home?” You whispered, not sure if you wanted to know the answer. “I still have your stuff. Most is stored, but-” 

She looked surprised, as if she hadn’t expected you to. “You- you want me to?” 

“Yeah,” You looked at her in disbelief. “You’re alive, I missed you in the house. Missed you in the kitchen, missed you when I slept-” As your emotions were settling, you began to realize you maybe weren’t so okay. But how could you be mad when she was right in front of you? When she was breathing and well?

“I’m-” 

“Don’t,” You closed your eyes, fighting the tears. “I love you. Come home, please.” 

She hesitated, before she nodded. “Okay, I’ll come home.” Home sounded foreign on her tongue, and you were curious about all the what’s, why’s, how’s… but now wasn’t the time. You didn’t know when would be the time, but you were so relieved, happy, shaken, by her being back. It felt as a gift, as if someone wanted you to see all color again, as if someone wanted you to have the life you pictured you’d have. And now, maybe you could. 

You smiled at her, a smile you should have given her earlier; love, admiration, relief, sadness… everything was in your smile, but it only told Emily how much you cared, even after all this time, even after what she put you through. 

She was thankful; thankful for you, for waiting, in a way. She was thankful, that she could come back home. You might see it as a house, but to her, being in a room with you was home, although your house was better than the briefing room. 

It wasn’t okay yet, but when she smiled back, you knew it would be. Everything would be okay again. You’d follow her to the end of the world, would never let her go again. She was okay, and that meant you were okay. There were things to talk about, but they had to wait. You were just glad to have her back; to have that extra pint of color back, that extra dose of smiles, and that extra dose of love. 

[cerberus253]

Okay so like I know that this question I'm about to ask is a bit triggering to some, but how would Drago cope with being cheated on?

My knee-jerk answer: Punishment to the cheater, death by fire to the opposition; If you mess with a dragon, ya get burned.

Real Talk: A bit of a tricky question because, up until now, I’ve been answering with the assumption of the s/o Drago is in love with to be the right person for him. One of the “qualities“ for this “right person“ would have to be romantic loyalty because someone who is there for him emotionally is what he NEEDS (whether he knows it or not is up for debate).

Anyhow, coping mechanisms would surely be unhinged physical violence to whoever and whatever gets in his way; people and things smashed and burned until there’s nothing left, mainly towards the person the s/o cheated on him with. He would not want to talk to anyone, see anyone, nor even be in the general area of others. Pure destruction, is what Drago would do, but that’s just what everyone sees.

If you want to know what else I think might happen that may seem out of character but makes sense because he’s a unique individual with thoughts and feelings just like everyone else, read further:

This may just be me romanticizing (in the traditional sense) Drago, but because this situation is more of a heart-to-heart pain and not the usual pride pain, he might have “sad spells.“ What I mean is, although he would still be furious, his energy will deplete, he’ll collapse on the ground, and just... wallow in pain, by himself, in an isolated area. His body will grow tired, but his heart and mind would still be active. Along with that sickening and heavy feeling one gets in the heart after such a devastating blow, his mind would be racing in trying to find ways to blame the s/o, the opposition, and/or anything and everything besides himself, but every so often he would think for a split second that he did something wrong. He WANTS to blame everyone else, but deep down he believes he was the screw up. He’s a screw up to his dad, he’s a screw up to the Ice Crew, he’s a screw up to the whole demon race, and now he’s a screw up to the only person he ever felt normal and accepted by without needing to prove himself towards (ouch; I wanna hug him now, the poor baby green bean ;^;).

Let’s note on the real juicy bit: Crying. To get to the point, I don’t think Drago would ever cry unless something really really, absolutely terrible happened, like, oh I don’t know, he fell in love with someone who loved him for who he was, not for what he is, what his title is, nor how much power he held, and he opened his magma encrusted heart to expose a soft tenderness that would normally get himself killed in demon culture, but this person did the opposite and cared for it, nurtured it, and showed that his flaws are not weaknesses... and then that said person was like, “Yeah, nevermind; you mean nothing to me“ and just stabs him and his vulnerability like a serial killer’s paradise.

Drago has built a strong enough defense against shedding tears because, well, demon’s don’t cry; they make others cry. But, like I said, I think he might cave, at least ever so slightly, from this heartbreak. He would try so damn hard not to cry; he’d push this ultimate feeling of defeat back so much it would give him physical pain, like headaches, chest and really overall body pain, and difficulty with summoning his fire (I say this about his fire because all this suffering depleted his energy to even muster it up, let alone the pure feeling of sorrow, which is the opposite of the feelings flame is suppose to encourage and originate from).

When he does finally tear up and cry [ever so slightly], well ... I honestly have no idea how to describe it in words. Like, this very moment in his life is so foreign and traumatizing that it could have long lasting effects on him mentally and probably physically (because I believe he is part human and we all know how terrifying the human mind can be). He’d close himself off even more, he’d hate himself and everything around him even more than it just being a “demon thing,“ and he’d be more miserable to the point his misery is obvious and not just speculation on something hidden. Hell, he’d get so traumatized his demeanor would change from this active, fiery hotdog to this lukewarm, soggy slice of bread. I guess basically his soul will shatter because of how detrimental this betrayal and ultimate first breakup would be, is what I’m saying.

This reminds me of how his character slightly changed from his debut episode in Season 4 to his normalcy in Season 5. At first, he was happy and enjoying his life, being loyal to his father and carrying himself with such good posture and movement. Then in Season 5, he gave up on his dad for selfish reasons and began walking around hunched over like a skulking animal in addition to his more not-so-graceful-but-once-was style of fighting and jumping around everywhere. Then again, I might just be over speculating and the real reason he changed that way was because of just to give him more character.

Bonus descriptions that I was going to put in, but I felt I had no need to, but I still want to put it in for reasons:

However, theoretically if this “right“ person were to cheat on him, he would be absolutely devastated and heartbroken. Like, words cannot describe how I think he would feel because of how much of a deep, personal, traumatizing laceration to his heart it would give him.

Being IN LOVE with someone, especially if the lover is extremely protective about their emotions and (unconsciously) terrified of the damage it could do to themselves, and having the lovee absolutely annihilate that vulnerability... Honestly, only pictures could really express the magnitude of the fury of emotions going on inside.

The picture I imagine is of an all black canvas with an exploding, frenzied fire coming fourth from the middle and scratching towards the edges of said canvas. At the origin point of that eruption is a small drawing of a person, on their knees, head in their hands, and their face to the floor, all the while they scream; they scream so much so loudly their throat tears and blood spurts out, but they don’t stop because all this emotion-- all this torment, is too much to bear in silence.

With the addition of Drago, that picture probably would come to reality; just, an explosion of fire from the emotional intensity and NOT the “physical strength“ side (to which he gathers his flame powers up from normally). Because it stems from his out of control human feelings mixed with the power of a demon (and a dragon, no less), it would be a flame of chaos that would annihilate the surrounding diameter.

I’m not saying all this stuff in a, “oh imagine this!“ I’m saying this as in legitimate thoughts and theories on how something so absolutely mentally and emotionally shattering would have effects on someone like him. He has no control over his emotions to begin with and this experience is just going to make him worse. Or I’m just (over)romanticizing things in the traditional sense

For a different relationship bonus, if he were just casually in a romantic relationship with infatuation or for power, he would not react that drastically. Yes, he would be angry and personally hurt, but because of how the relationship is set up and functions, and he probably goes through this stuff on a normal basis, it would not be as scarring. Drago would most likely be the one to dump the individual because said person isn’t worth his time anymore and already expressed their lack of use for his own  He’ll never forgive, never forget, but he may be convinced back in if they prove their worth and loyalty enough.

Like I said in the QnA that started all this Drago Chat days ago, you have opened a can of chatty worms

[nr0rswhackyizaustuff]

Yo Dib, what happened to your arm???

“ Oh boy, that’s an EXCELLENT question! But uh, you might wanna grab a snack, maybe something nice to drink and take a seat while I ramble on about it.”

“ So you all know me by now, at least on a basic level I assume. I was that loud and crazy kid that went after ZIM all the time back in middle skool like it was some sort of religion or something. Right? Ok good, I don’t have to explain all of that. Phew.”

“Anyway, I’m a modified clone of my dad, and when he made me he originally intended for me to not have any powers like he had. Why? Well, I guess it was to keep me safe or something? I dunno. I did inherit his gift of sight though, which is why I have to wear glasses. No, not normal sight before you try and correct me, but I mean sight like a seer’s sight. So the paranormal… the supernatural… shitty alien disguises… you name it, I see it plain as day, but my normal eyesight sucks.”

“ Wow, I really am rambling. Back to the actual question here. So, everything started in Hi Skool…”

“ I felt like I could do anything now! And to make things better, ZIM wasn’t in the picture. I assumed the lil guy caught wind of my whole ‘definitely a super powered mutant’ thing and hid away. I felt like I was finally going to win,but before going after ZIM I had to make double, no, triple sure I was ready.”

“ I searched around in this weird pocket dimension for something powerful, something horrible I could fight, like a uh… Consumer or something. Eventually, I found one. This was it.”

“ … The thing ripped my arm clean off. I shouldn’t have treated my powers like a shiny new toy. I should have respected them.  I should have reached out to dad, gone to his labs and asked for help. But no, I had to be cocky.”

“ All that fear and adrenaline surged through me, and I felt invincible if only for a short time. I beat the Consumer and barely made it out of there, drained and dismembered.”

“ It was tough… but it worked for awhile. At this point I knew

I had to fess up to dad. He hadn’t been home since my powers woke up like that, and it was tough getting to him at work, but I tried and I tried…”

“ And then… he…died. In a lab accident caused by a certain someone, but I won’t talk about him here. Not yet. My dad died and me and my sister Gaz found out on T.V. right when it happened. We were devastated. Gaz isolated herself immediately after the news broke out, and I just… I felt angry. I felt frustrated. I felt sad and alone and heartbroken. Nothing, no amount of pain in my life can compare to that moment.”

“ I just felt like a shell after that. Everything at skool was just routine day in and day out, and ZIM was still nowhere to be found. Things felt like they were going nowhere anytime soon, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I eventually blamed myself, thinking maybe if I made more effort to reach out to my dad then maybe he wouldn’t have been there for the accident.Maybe he’d be home with us, and he’d still be alive.“

“ But then, something weird happened.”

“ Eventually, curiosity got the better of me, or maybe it was a feeling of spite? I’m still not too sure what was going through my head, but I decided to check the box out. I’m glad I did.”

“ It was a message from my dad. He had recorded it anticipating a possible catastrophic meltdown in his labs, and had it rigged up so it would get delivered to our house in time for my birthday if he… if things got bad.”

“ That message meant everything to me in that moment. First, he greeted me, and explained what the whole package thing was about..”

     ‘ Hello son. I suppose that right now you are sitting on your bed, confused and unsure what’s going on, and first I would like to say I am sorry. You receiving this message means I have most certainly passed on before you were ready to face the world on your own, and I deeply apologize for this. Son, I want you to know how proud of you I am, how much I meant it in that moment years ago and that, yes, I have lied to you all your life. I never meant to hurt you, I just wanted to protect you from all of this madness in the world, both in our domain and beyond. The truth is, son, I have been fully aware of it all since before you were first conceived, and I should have further encouraged your aspirations rather than shut them down and played you off as a fool for so long.’

     ‘ Inside this vessel you will find a biomechanical arm similar to mine, but improved to be more compact and less cumbersome. Attached to it is an E.M.P.G. device, an Electro-Magnetic Power Generator, it will help enhance your abilities in a pinch as well as prevent any accidental surges. Not only that, but it will help you detect the paranormal and the device is highly customizable. In my home lab you will find the schematics to both the device and the arm. Do with them as you will, for I know whatever you now choose to do with your life you will do wondrously.’

     ‘ When I made you I modified you to ensure you would be your own, individual person, and not just another Professor Membrane. As time went on I grew egotistical and narcissistic, instead hoping to push you to be someone you are not. Dib, I want you to pursue your own unique purpose in this world, just as you have always fought with me over. All I ask of you is to ensure your sister heals emotionally from this as I am sure she’s taking this rather hard.’

‘ I’m proud of you both, and I will always love you both. Remember that. Good-bye my son.’

“ Everything I needed to hear from him was in that box I almost tossed out like trash. I’ve held onto it since, keeping it by my bed in memory of him, and a reminder as to why I keep fighting for Earth. Cause since that day, I decided I would protect this planet my dad loved so much no matter the cost, and forget about chasing fame and recognition.”

“ After all, none of that mattered now anyway, I have all the recognition I need from my dad.”

[bornpariah-a]

I also wanna ask about his mom, but I don't know what specifically I wanna know skdjfhg I just remember reading some of your writing involving her and really enjoying her as a character and wanting to know more. Even your NPCs are so solid, Mimi, wtf.

HOLLY YOU’RE SO KIND TO ME WHAT THE FUCK… and just for context, holly did send me another ask, but that one’s not at straightforward to explain as this one so i’m answering them. out of order. cause i just gotta talk about the one and only aquinea pavus.

( what holly is referring to is my dumbass fanfic about dorian’s homecoming, which features her pretty prominently and is, thus far, the only place where i have written aquinea. there’s time yet for me to let her try to fuck up dorian’s life though lmao )

first, i think i need to say that the conception of my idea for aquinea as she exists within the realms of this blog is… honestly… because i hate halward sdkgjsd which sounds really. ridiculous because aquinea is awful but hear me out : halward is a piece of shit but looking at him and how he interacts with dorian and just the man himself, i found it hard to convince myself that he was the singular mastermind behind everything that happened to dorian. sure, i guess that i can believe that desperation can lead the man who taught dorian to hate blood magic to use blood magic, but what about dorian, himself? his personality? his inability to compromise, at times. his demeanor. his frank cruelty. nature vs nurture, and all that.  also, i found it weird that she was barely mentioned at all and i wanted an explanation for that.

and then i thought about his mother. what kind of woman she could be. the possibilities were, technically, endless, given that we have practically no information about her. and then the gears in my head started turning, and i thought about a haughty woman with dorian’s eyes and his mannerisms and her being just about everything he didn’t want to be.

AQUINEA OF HOUSE PAVUS, PREVIOUSLY THALRASSIAN. daughter of brutus and floriana. the eldest of three. she is a girl who had broad aspirations and wished, above all else, to be part of the magisterium. for the power. for the esteem. she vied for a seat on the magisterium, very nearly swaying her paternal uncle to choose her over his son with mediocre magical talents, who would resent her forevermore.

she is an uncompromising woman who is a loyalist and a traditionalist at heart and when she was denied a seat on the magisterium and married off to a future magister, instead, she found herself infuriated and devastated in turns. halward, back then, was somewhat kind and a bit of a romantic. she despised him from the start, resented him, and the fact that she was denied what she wanted the most. the terms of their marriage were very much set by her, and as dorian says, his parents utterly loathed each other. when she conceived dorian, she moved into the opposite wing of the pavus manor.

and she loves dorian. truly, for all that she lacked a single maternal bone in her body. he is her son, after all, and she had her favored handmaid / guard watch over him as he grew up. she taught him to be sure in himself and to be uncompromising and to prove himself, to everyone, that he was BETTER. that he was POWERFUL. that he was GIFTED. because he was. because she was proud of him and coveted him as her son, beloved and a jewel to the household. she speaks highly of him and boasts about him to her altus friends and everything.

so yes, aquinea loves her son. but she is a traditionalist and uncompromising and thus she would rip away the parts of him that she disapproves of : his soft heart and his preference for men, namely.

( is that love? no, not really. that’s control. does she love him? perhaps. is everything she does for love? she certainly thinks so / and he rationalizes that she wants what is best for him. their definitions simply don’t line up. )

aquinea is very much a woman who is willing to do what needs to be done to get to the endgame that she wants. she failed to get a seat on the magisterium, but she tends to succeed in everything and anything else. and she thought she molded her son perfectly. she thought that she taught him right. yet : she didn’t. and so she turns to the next best option well within her control. BLOOD MAGIC. her own, namely, as she dabbles in blood magic. so to speak. ironic, isn’t it? all those years of halward softening her son, leading to this.

she did what had to be done. or, tried to, anyways.

( an excerpt from my own writing skdgjns )

❝ Typical, ❞ tone like an arrow set aflame and he breaks into movement, pushing past her and pacing further into the office / catching sight of HIS FATHER’S BLOOD / pacing in the other direction. ❝ You always encouraged extremes. Prove your worth, Dorian, prove that you are stronger than your peers, Dorian, prove that you are the most powerful in the Circle, Dorian. Change who you are, Dorian —— oh, you don’t want to be miserable, like I am? I suppose that we will merely have to use blood magic on you, since you won’t play along. ❞

❝ I will not apologize, ❞ his mother slices across his ranting and he turns sharply towards her and they glare at each other once more and he knows that their gazes are a mirror of each other. ❝ Your father may have been weak enough to apologize to you, but I will NOT. I was doing what I thought was best for you, my son, damn the consequences. ❞

❝ Even if the consequence is your son? ❞ accusing / accusing / please say no.

❝ YES. ❞

His mother has always been cold. She lacks a single maternal bone in her body, in truth. It has always been this way. Dorian knows that she loves him, or perhaps she loves the concept of him, or perhaps she loves only parts of him : he hasn’t decided yet which would be worse.

it should be noted that aquinea is loyal for all that she is cruel and for all that she hated halward, he was her husband and she tried to save him the night that he died. she tried. she truly did. for all that they differed, for all that they hated each other, for all the different lessons that they taught dorian, in spite of it all.

anyways this is getting way longer than i anticipated but a final word : aquinea sees a lot of herself in dorian, including her stubbornness and self-confidence. all things that she put in him, deliberately, and perhaps her greatest failure is that he didn’t turn out much like her, after all. and on the flip side, dorian knows that he is very much like his mother… and he’s trying to unlearn the worst parts of that. bit by bit.

oh also she’s a fire focus. ha.

@weptfire // holy shit

[thankyoumskobayashi]

TGCF Modern AU Part 5 - Purposeful Resolution

Parts 1-2   Part 3   Part 4

Hong seems to hesitate as Xie Lian waits for an answer.

"You can tell me. Really. I want to know if I should lure these demons away from the city to fight them, to lessen the possible casualties." Xie Lian sits up, his stomach rumbling. He hasn't eaten since his snack the day before. He takes out a bit of fishing line and fastens a hook to it, then digs up a worm from the ground nearby.

He's got a small fire going by the shores of the water, and is happily roasting some fish when Hong answers.

Gege… there's something you need to know.

Xie Lian bites into the fish, encouraging his demon to elaborate. "Tell me, then."

The low-level demons cannot physically ...consume people, but they can damage their souls. If you hadn't saved those soldiers, their souls would have been eaten and they'd fall unconscious.

"Would there have been any way of rescuing them?"

Yes, however, it requires more energy than I can spare at the moment.

"Ah." Xie Lian bites into his fish again, feeling the burn on his hand sting. "Is this supposed to hurt?"

That must be that bastard's poison. Hold still, Gege.

Xie Lian freezes while the mass of red flames engulfs his hand, pulling at the neon green mark around his hand until it disappears.

Hong gasps, but then sighs shakily as if he has got it under control.

"Are you okay?" Xie Lian asks, alarmed.

Yes.

"Are you sure?" Xie Lian insists, his other fish forgotten over the fire. There is a loud sizzling, and Hong seems to nudge him.

Go check if you can still eat that. I can handle a little poison, no big deal. It's better than letting it damage your… Anyway, back to the demons. The high-level ones can consume not only souls, but bodies as well.

"Oh." Still holding the burnt fish, Xie Lian begins to wonder if letting Hong get stronger is a good idea.

But that's not why I chose you to be my host!

"Why did you, then? Because I was closest to the scene? Because you wanted to frame me for theft?"

Because you're the person everyone has been looking for. Hong seems annoyed about that, so Xie Lian doesn't bother inquiring further. He eats the burnt fish sadly, dumps water over the fire, and returns to sleep in the gazebo. He awakens at noon the next morning to a large crowd of people screaming and running in the same direction.

Shaking his head, he stretches, wincing at his sore leg and trotting eagerly in the opposite direction of the crowd. He calls to Hong, 'That's either a low-level demon or someone we can't beat, right?'

I don't know, does this society usually involve large groups of people screaming loudly while proceeding in the same direction? Hong snarks, sounding stiff from sleeping all night. Maybe possessing a human host has given him human cramps from inactivity. Or perhaps-- perhaps that poison from yesterday is actually affecting him.

Xie Lian wonders how many low-level snacks the demon needs to eat to suppress the poison from "Green Bastard." 'Hey, Hong? Are you alright?'

I'm fine, Gege. Don't worry your beautiful head about my wellbeing. We just need to focus on beating this next one. Are you up for the challenge?

Xie Lian flexes, continuing to stretch as best he can while jogging towards the restaurant. "Of course. Is your scimitar nearby?"

I'm calling it as we speak.

This time, there were two large demons, both with large, watery eyes. They have two pairs of horns, and roar as he approaches the building. One holds a man in its claws, the other faces a woman wielding a piece of pipe torn from the wall of her restaurant. She is sparring with it. Xie Lian races over, gripping E-Ming with his left hand. He knows he looks like a cosplayer or historical reenactor, so he stands beside the woman, slashing at the demon holding her husband. The man drops to the floor without a sound, and the woman finally turns to glance at him thoughtfully.

"I didn't expect dragons to appear in my restaurant today, but I didn't expect a cultivator to appear either!" She smiles brightly. "Now that Daozhang is here, exorcising them and waking my husband up should be a charm!"

Why are you so willing to believe in my ancient powers? Xie Lian wonders, twirling his blade and smiling politely. He nods at her. "I can help defeat this one, but I need you to hold off the other for now. Can you handle it?"

She nods, giving it another whack. "Of course!"

"Thank you." Xie Lian turns to Hong. 'Alright, where are its critical weakness points? Does this one have the same number as the one before?'

No, Gege. This one has more than the last one. That bastard wants to draw out this battle. As for where they are… don't you already sense it?

'If he wants us to tire out, then we'll have to make this quick!' Xie Lian hefts the scimitar and slashes it across the demon's eyes, blinding it. He jumps back, flipping to avoid its writhing body, and lands kneeling on top of a table. A sharp pain flares in his injured leg; it is bleeding again.

He curses, but there's no time to avoid it as the demon charges at him, toppling tables left and right. The woman is holding off the other demon through sheer force of will. With a sideways glance, Xie Lian notices a few officers outside the restaurant nervously watching the battle within.

The blinded demon swings its nose towards the officers outside and inhales. With a leap, Xie Lian slashes at the stream of energy arcing towards the demon, severing its connection. It rears back angrily, snorting at Xie Lian as it blocks E-Ming with its claws.

Just stab where you sense its critical weakness points are, Gege. Hong seems a bit tired, but suddenly a layer of red filters over Xie Lian's vision. A series of bright red spots appear over the demon. The brightest is at the tip of the demon's tail. Aim for the brightest.

'Got it.' Xie Lian nods resolutely and does some acrobatic flip towards the demon's lizardlike tail. He lands with a slash, rebounding off the devastated wall to kick the demon away from the woman's husband. The trail of blood follows him as he darts to stab a few more of its meridians, which each grow larger within his enhanced vision and disappear once he stabs them. Finally, the demon's last meridian glows red, growing larger in his vision. He plunges the scimitar into the final meridian without hesitation, nodding wordlessly to Hong, who unleashes his final technique.

The other demon glances over at them, realizing it is fighting a losing battle. It knocks over the woman stalling it and scurries out the door. The crowd of officers, who have just begun to sit up, are flattened once again.

Xie Lian pants heavily, crouching over the woman's husband and coughing up blood. "Hong, is there any way to return his soul to him?" He doesn't wait for an answer as he leans over to give the man CPR, pressing on his chest and then giving him air with the mouth.

Leave him be, Gege. He's in a state between life and death. His soul can be restored, but it will take some effort.

Hong has just absorbed one of the two demons, but the other one escaped. He must not have enough energy to restore mortals' souls yet--Xie Lian is reminded of an earlier worry.

"Hey, Hong?" he murmurs quietly to the demon. "How long had these two been rampaging by the time we showed up?"

A few hours. Why?

'Well, why didn't you wake me up when you knew that?'

Dianxia, you said it yourself: you're not a morning person. Now sit yourself down and treat your bleeding wounds!

Xie Lian sits down stiffly, gasping in pain at his opened wounds. He looks over at the woman, who has walked over to stare with concern at her husband and Xie Lian.

A wave of dizziness hits Xie Lian and he blinks slowly, unsure whether he will remain conscious. Small blotches appear at the edges of his vision and the colors fade from the restaurant. He attempts to grin placatingly, mumbling, "Sorry I got blood ...all over your restaurant… the other...escaped… guess…… wasn't much help after………..."

Xie Lian then droops into a faint, having exhausted himself completely.

[spideyy-girl]

Speak Now - Bucky Barnes (AU)

Request: Do you do any song fics? If you do, could you please do a Bucky Barnes fanfic with Speak now or Angel with a shotgun with a college/roomate Bucky??

Summary: based on the song Speak Now by Taylor Swift (i suck at descriptions as you know so imma leave it at that just read it)

Warnings: lil bit of angst, wedding crashing, some fluffy at the end ;)

Word Count: 2769 (7.6 pages)

Date: September 26th, 2018

A/N: YES!! I DO TAKE SONG FIC REQUESTS. I actaully love them to be honest. SO feel free to send some. Sorry I haven’t been updating and thanks for being patient with me school just started a few weeks ago and that’s always shot haha yay. But I’m back on track! Hope you guys like (Also one of my older imagines but it’s not too bad I guess haha)

I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion

But you are not the kind of boy, who should be marrying the wrong girl

Bucky Barnes has been my best friend since sophomore year in high school. We met at Phys Ed, where I had surprisingly outrun him, which almost never happened. It was bound to be ever since. 

In recent years I had even begun to develop a crush on the long-haired man, well, at least it was at first just innocent. I didn’t even realise I was falling until I hit my head hard on the ground. What would cause such an awakening, you might ask? 

“He’s getting married,” Steve Rogers, our neighbour and Bucky’s roommate said, looking almost depressed about what should have been happy news. But how could anyone be happy? Especially with Carli Anne Johnson, the biggest princess bitch in town, in fact, maybe even the world. The bowl of ice cream you had in your hand was dropped out of pure shock, devastation, anger.

“H-h-he, w-what?” You asked, trying to contain yourself. You were never one to show any signs of weakness. “To that bitch?! I can’t even look at her without wanting to rip my eyeballs out. And he never even told me!” I started yelling, pulling at the strands of your Y/H/C hair. Steve nodded solemnly.

“I know, which is why I came here.” He said looking at you, grabbing your shoulders with his strong hands. “You can’t let him marry the wrong girl, we all know that it can’t be her he spends the rest of his life with, especially you.”

And that’s how I got here, about to crash my best friend’s wedding, and hopefully win him back. I couldn’t let him marry the wrong girl.

I sneak in and see your friends

And her snotty little family all dressed in pastel

And she is yelling at a bridesmaid

Somewhere back inside a room wearing a gown shaped like a pastry.

Steve helped me sneak inside the venue, Bucky had asked him to be his Best Man anyways. I see the giant hall at the end of the corridor, plastered in white ribbons, streamers, and other decoratives. There was an expensive looking velvet carpet with gold trimmings rolled down the aisle all the way up to the altar. I could see some of my fellow classmate’s and some of the football team, Bucky’s friends, sitting in the pews. On the other side of the grand hall, I could see the Johnson family, all dressed to the nine’s in beautiful pastel pinks, purples, blues, and yellows, while the men wore sharp black tuxes.

As I walk further down, I can hear screaming. I knew that voice. Actually, this yelling often occurred right in front of my face, targeted at me. Carli’s tan face would start to turn red, the colour not suiting very well with her perfectly curled platinum blonde hair and sparkling baby blue eyes. 

I peeked into the room to see the exact image I thought of playing out right in front of me. It was odd seeing it from a different angle. She was yelling at her little sister, Lizzy, who looked like a rose pink pastry. I felt awful for the young girl, to have such a monstrous being as a sibling. What did Bucky ever see in her? Sure, she was gorgeous, but that shouldn’t have mattered.

“Stop being such a little shit, Elizabeth. Last I recalled today was my special day, not yours. I’m the one getting married, not you!” Carli screamed at the quivering girl, her spit flying into her face, the fat tears rolling down her face slightly smudging her makeup. “Not like anyone would ever want to marry you anyways. You’re not even that pretty.”

“But Carls, all I asked for is if you could help me with my hair and makeup since I figured you're the expert at this.” Lizzy reasoned, trying her best to look strong and stop crying. “I just wanted to spend some time with you! I never see you anymore!”

“Thank God,” Carli mumbled, though it was still clear as to what she had said. “I don’t even know how I survived with you for, like, ten years. I’m happy I’m getting away from all you losers. Now, why don’t you go and fix yourself up, you look like a trainwreck.” She stomped off to the attached door to the dressing room when she finished.

This is surely not what you thought it would be

I lose myself in a daydream, where I stand and say

I drag my eyes away from the young teenager and continue onto my path towards the grand hall where the ceremony will be held. My mind didn’t even process what I was doing, where I was going, the events about to happen. My nerves started to crash over me like a raging tidal wave. I was walking in the open, not stopping to think if anyone had seen me or are about to. Then I felt a tight grip on my arm, pulling me into a small room on the side.

I was about to scream but I felt a rough hand cover my mouth, muffling the sound. Dread rippled through my body as my eyes widened and breath hitched.  Oh no, I thought to myself. Please don’t let it be him, please don’t let it be Bucky. 

The hand was lifted when they were sure I wasn’t going to screech at the top of my lungs and turned me around. Thank God, it was Steve. He looked a bit worried, and a bit terrified.

“You okay? You were sort of dozed off, walking around there.” He said, scanning you over. “ You’re lucky I caught you before someone else did. I just wanted to check if you remembered the plan.” I nodded, staying silent.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I said quietly, keeping my head down. “What if he really is happy with her? I would ruin his life.” Steve shook his head, shaking me.

“Have you seen him lately? A total mess, I’m telling you. Besides, I think he’s been dropping hints for a while now.” Steve encouraged me. “Why don’t we run through it?”

Don’t say yes, run away now

I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door

Don’t wait, or say a single vow

You need to hear me out, and they said Speak Now.

I went through a small speech I was supposed to give when I would barge in. I had so carefully written it to perfection, but now I could only remember bits and pieces. What was I thinking when I agreed to do this?!

I pretended as if Steve was Bucky and the crowd, but I couldn’t even say it in front of him, let alone like 500 other people. I told him where I planned to meet him if he did agree to run off with me, away from Carli, her stupid stuck up family, and apparently all the other troubles of the world.

I couldn’t let him say yes though. Although I would never admit it aloud, I realised the way Bucky had looked when she popped out of nowhere and stole him away from us for the rest of the day. If I let this ceremony go through, she’ll steal him away for the rest of our goddamn lives.

It’d hurt me too, seeing him run off with the girl he never loved. Not just because of my constantly growing feelings towards him, but that’s also the protective best friend side coming out of me. I couldn’t stand him not being happy, and living the rest of his sorry days with that thing.

Somewhere deep down, I hoped knew that it was supposed to be me up there in the flowing white gown and veil standing in front of him, a big smile adorned on my face as well as his. And he knew the exact same thing, pondering it just minutes before he got married off, but to the wrong girl.

Fun gestures are exchanged

And the organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march

And I am hiding in the curtains

It seems that I was uninvited be you lovely bride to be

I hear excited whispered conversations that are soon cut off by the earth-rattling sound of the giant organ playing. The tune of ‘Here Comes the Bride’ was smoothly played out, as the small voices were silenced. The tune sounded depressing as if it were a funeral instead of a wedding.

Everyone turned their head to the back of the room, where I was standing just moments ago. I had hopped behind a velvet curtain matching the roll of carpet down the aisle when I heard the first chord of the organ.

I got a good look at everyone’s faces who had attended. As it seemed, there were a lot more familiar faces than I had counted. Mostly everyone from our year, and even quite a few from the ones below and above us. Of course, I wasn’t one of those individuals. I hadn’t gotten an invitation.

I wasn’t even informed of the engagement. My best mate’s engagement.

I wondered then if she had forced him not to send an invitation to me, or if I had possibly even slipped their minds. It was almost 100% not the latter. Surely Bucky would’ve said something if he was free to say it. Right? 

I’m distracted by my thoughts as my eyes land on the said boy. His long black waves were gelled back, other than a thin strand that hung loosely at the side of his face. It looked much different than his usual ponytail. He was dressed in a white tuxedo with a black button up underneath and a black bowtie. He had white pants to match his blazer, and shiny black loafers adorned on his feet.

But the most different thing about his look was the stern look on his face. He looked almost emotionless, not happy but not angry or disappointed either, it was nothingness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that side of him, his signature flashy grin was always plastered to his slightly chapped lips, it was always his best feature. Without it, he looked like a lost soul.

She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen

But I know you wish it was, you wish it was me

Don’t you?

Right on queue, I heard the clicking of her six-inch heels, like she needed to be any taller anyways. Although I despised her more now that I ever did for the whole time I’ve known her, I can’t not say that she looked absolutely stunning. Her long, lacy white wedding gown dragged behind her for what seemed like miles, held by two of her bridesmaids at the end. her veil was laced, with small white flowers on the headpiece. Her white heels laced up to her knees, also covered in little flowers and butterflies. 

Although she was the devil in human form, I do see the reasoning as to looking past her ugly personality and to her beautiful exterior. In fact, there were many people who would accept her for just that. But not Bucky. Not my Bucky.

I looked at him, back up near the altar, and although I could tell he thought she did look stunning, that he felt guilty. Like he was thinking the same as me, imagining my face, my body, my persona in that flowing dress, those high heels, behind that veil.

She stepped up to stand in front of him, like any other normal wedding, when I noticed that she held the exact same expression as her fiancée. The nothingness. And then, the ceremony commenced.

I hear the preacher say speak now or forever hold your peace

There’s the silence there’s my last chance

I stand with shaking hands all eyes on me

Horrified looks from everyone in the room but I’m only looking at you

“If there are any objections, speak now, or forever hold your peace,” the priest says as he stands between the couple. Bucky looks around the room, almost hopeful that someone would stand up, but no one. Not yet anyway.

I look down at my hands, sweaty and shaking. I wipe them off on my lovely Y/F/C dress, and lightly grasp the soft material. I look up to see Steve looking back at me expectantly.

“This is your last chance!” He mouthed at me before winking and turning back to the front as if nothing had happened. I took a deep breath, before standing up from my place.

“I object!” I stated loudly, everyone in the room freezes, before turning towards me. Every single pair of eyes stared me down, but I focused on only one thing, or more specifically, one person. James Buchanan Barnes. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, you bitch!” Carli screamed, stomping her feet and her face turned redder than I’ve ever seen it before. “Get out of here! You weren’t invited! No one wants you here-”

“Shut up for once, will you?” Bucky snarled at her, but not breaking our eye contact. I could see the ghost of a smile starting to appear again.

“These two obviously aren’t now and never will be truly happy with each other, it just wasn't meant to be,” I said, as I slowly inched up the aisle. “And I’m here to make sure that Bucky Barnes doesn’t marry the wrong girl.”

“Thank God,” he mumbled with a slight laugh, only to get harshly hit in the stomach with a bouquet of flowers in the hands of Carli.

“What the hell are you talking about, baby? We’re perfect for each other, and everyone knows it.” She said after she dropped the flowers and started to rub his arm, only for him to shoo her off.

“Let’s be real here, Carls. It was never gonna happen, and it never should. You’ll find the perfect person for you one day, but let me tell you now that that person is definitely not me. Because me person is right here, in front of me. Y/N L/N.” Bucky said as he walked down the shallow steps towards you, his bright smile in full effect once again. I smiled back, feeling tears well up in my eyes. 

I am not the kind of girl, who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion

But you are not the kind of boy, who should be marrying the wrong girl

So don’t say yes run away now, I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the backdoor

Don’t wait or say a single vow, you need to hear me out and they said Speak Now

And you’ll say let’s run away now, I’ll meet you when I’m out of my tux at the backdoor

Baby I didn’t say my vows, so glad you were around when they said Speak Now

I met Bucky at the back of the church once he changed out of his suit and into his usual black jeans and a band tee. I quickly changed out of my dress as well. When he walked out he looked like he was glowing as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and kissed my temple. I smiled and cuddled into his side as we started walking away from the chaos.

“I’m so happy you showed up. I didn’t know if Steve had told you or not about it. I was sort of planning this.” He says as we got into my slightly worn down car. I started it up and drove out of the parking lot onto the abandoned narrow road.

“I’m happy I did too, wouldn’t want you marrying someone like her. Don’t know what you were thinking.” I laughed and he soon joined in, nodding his head in agreement. After the laughter died down there was a silence. It wasn’t awkward, just sort of there. “So, what happens now?” I ask, looking at him for a quick moment. He smirked, putting his arm on the back of my seat, squeezing my shoulder.

“We run away together, we can continue our education somewhere else. You know, live happily ever after.” He said in a mocking quirky voice. I giggled.

“Sounds like a plan.”

[viggos-mortensen]

so my granddad passed away this morning, exactly two months after my grandmother passed away

he had alzheimer’s, so his health was deteriorating since like, last year. but the progression quickened after my grandmother’s death and it just got very bad very quickly and the tiny mum kept updating me about his health. and tbh, it was hard to predict how long we would have him with us. but yesterday i got a video call from home where i actually got to speak to him (he was just blank, unable to move or anything) and it was scary. but i got to see him. they were supposed to admit him to the clinic, to do an overall checkup and see how far he had gone, but apparently he had a heart attack this morning and went in his sleep. 

i am devastated because in a way he was the one person in my family who actually gave a shit about me and encouraged me to study further and all that jazz, but i don’t feel sad enough. its not as bad as it was during nani’s death but it does hurt because i really hoped he would be okay because, they were taking him to the clinic right? then again i can’t believe the j-man decided to be a trickass bitch and do this to me, the one time i was actually hoping for something.

then again i got to see him one last time, possibly in his final moments, which is nice, i guess. because i couldn’t do that with nani and it still kills me. and i’m glad at least he went in his sleep so it was peaceful to an extent, though none of us really knew how much pain he was in because he just couldn’t express it. i think i’m going to be okay, because he of all people would want me to be okay. so yeah, if i seem a bit inactive here, that’s probably the reason (apart from uni of course lmao)

[hymn2000]

Freeze - MCU AU Fanfic - C23

Previous chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Story synopsis:- When a burst gas main destroys everything and leaves Peter with nothing, the Stark’s take him in. Thrown together by necessity, they then need to try to keep it together and build a new life. Devastated by loss, Peter doesn’t make things easy for them, and Loki and Tony struggle with their own grief and the responsibility of having someone completely dependant on them.

Chapter description:- There’s a change of plan, which ends up being quite scary to begin with

Story warnings/themes: character death, hurt/comfort, trauma, grief, depression/mental health issues, bullying, corporal punishment

Relationships: Frostiron (Loki x Tony) (romantic), Tony and Peter (platonic), Loki and Peter (platonic)

From the same AU as Called To Be A Rock

Chapter 23 - I Smile Again 

-

Peter woke up early on Thursday morning feeling strangely calm. He got ready for school with no fuss. He gave Tony a hug by way of apology, but he’d fallen non-verbal, and didn’t say anything.

-

“Are you ok?” Macy asked, watching him struggle to finish his toast.

Peter shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure.

“Haven’t you got much of an appetite today?”

Peter shook his head. Macy squeezed his good hand.

“How’s your hand? Better?”

Peter nodded slightly. He would be allowed to take the bandages off and keep to plasters after today, but he didn’t have the energy to write all that down for her. He was too tired to do anything much.

-

Mrs Ilam looked at the class over the rim of her half-moon glasses.

“Mr Parker” she said firmly. “Would you come here, please?”

Millie squeezed his hand in encouragement, and he stood up and approached the desk.

“Now. I asked everyone to make a draft of their ‘My Family’ autobiography to hand in to me today. Everyone in the class has handed me something, aside from you. Did you forget it?”

Peter shook his head.

“Well then. Where is it?”

Peter didn’t respond. He hated the feeling of everyone watching him.

“Peter” Mrs Ilam said. “Have you written a draft?”

Peter shook his head.

“And why is that?”

Peter glanced back over at his desk, where he’d left his whiteboard. Mrs Ilam saw him looking.

“No need for that: there’s a whiteboard right here” she tapped it with a whiteboard pen, which she then handed to him. “Why don’t you tell everyone why you have neglected to complete this assignment?”

She sat back in her chair, looking pleased with herself. Peter swallowed hard, looking at the pen in his hand. He supposed he had no choice. He scrawled his answer and quickly left the room, collapsing into a chair in the corridor, leaving his message on the board.

You can’t write about something you don’t have

-

It was only a few minutes before the classroom door opened. Peter looked up, and Mrs Ilam closed the door and sat down beside him. She put his whiteboard on his lap.

“I’m sorry. I was insensitive”

Peter didn’t have anything to say. He looked down at the whiteboard until it blurred. He hated himself for being reduced to tears so easily, but he couldn’t help it.

“We’ll have to discuss this further” she said. “We can bend the rules a bit, widen the definition of family. You will need to write something. Perhaps you could write about your guardians?”

Peter shook his head, and went to wipe his eyes. Mrs Ilam stopped him.

“Peter, how many times?” she said, reaching into his front blazer pocket and whipping out his handkerchief. “Not on your sleeve”

Peter took the handkerchief to wipe his eyes with. He hadn’t been in trouble at this school yet, not really, but he got tutted at often for two things:- shrugging, and wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He hadn’t quite shaken the habits yet.

“There now. Are you ready to come back in?”

Peter took a very deep breath, and nodded. He’d have to face it eventually, and he supposed sooner was better than later.

-

School was exhausting. Peter was glad to get in the car at the end of the day. He wasn’t so glad when he had to sit and do his homework. He was so tired, and he couldn’t concentrate at all. He read the same question over and over again, unable to process it properly. Everything kept going blurry, and he felt hot. He just wanted to get this over with so he could go to bed.

-

Tony gave Peter a little shake, and the boy jumped awake.

“Woah. Hey, it’s just me” Tony said softly. “You dropped off”

Peter looked down at his incomplete homework, and rubbed his eyes, annoyed at himself for falling asleep, but more annoyed that he was crying again. Tony looked at the homework slip.

“This isn’t due in until next week. Have another shot at it at the weekend. It’s ok to take a break. You look exhausted”

Peter nodded. He felt it.

“Why don’t you go and settle down on the sofa for a bit while I get the dinner started? Have a little kip if you need it”

Peter nodded again, pushing himself up from his seat. He felt all weird and wobbly.

“Dad... I don’t feel right”

Tony felt his forehead. “You’re a little bit warm. I think you might just be tired. Hold on a minute” He fetched him a sports drink from the fridge. “Here. You might be a bit dehydrated too. This will help. Now go and settle yourself down. I’ll check on you in a few minutes”

-

Peter curled up under a blanket on the sofa, sipping his drink and trying to concentrate on The Simpsons. Everything seemed all fuzzy at the edges, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. He’d never felt quite like this before, all weird and hot on top of it all. He wondered if this was what Loki felt like when he had a flare-up.

-

“Hey, sleepy-head”

Peter blinked at him. “...I fell asleep...”

“Yeah, you did. Here, sit up now. You need to eat”

“I don’t really feel hungry” Peter mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“It’s nothing heavy” Tony said, putting the tray on his lap. “Just eat what you can. You need the strength”

-

After he’d finished eating, Tony sat down with him.

“Peter, I need to talk to you about something”

Peter looked at him. “What have I done?”

“Nothing, nothing. No, you see, it’s about tomorrow night”

Peter felt a pang. Friday night had turned into a horrible thing to think about. Millie and Macy and Flo were going to be spending the night together - and he wasn’t allowed to go. He now understood Tony’s reasoning, but he was still upset about it.

“I got Millie’s home phone from your mobile, and I talked to her mother again today”

Peter looked at him quizzically.

“We talked, and Peter, I haven’t changed my mind: I’m not comfortable letting you stay over at Millie’s, not right now”

Peter slumped in his seat. He didn’t want to hear this again. What was the point?

“But” Tony said. “We did agree on something”

Peter perked up slightly, head tilted in curiosity.

“If you’d like to, you can go round for the evening, for tea. Straight there after school, and I’ll pick you up at around eight?”

Peter stared at him. Was he hearing him right?

“I- I can go round?”

“Just for the evening. Would you like to?”

Peter burst into tears. He covered his mouth with his hands and nodded.

“Yes! Yes, oh dad, thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!”

He threw himself into Tony’s arms, and Tony laughed and hugged him tight.

“I had a think about it all, and I think it’s unfair for you to have to miss out completely. Take a change of clothes with you to school tomorrow. Millie’s mother said she’d tell Millie, so it’s all fixed”

Peter cried into his chest. “You don’t know how much this means to me!”

“No” Tony said, smiling down at him. “But I can guess”

-

The news spread quickly, and Peter was greeted on Friday morning by all three girls throwing themselves at him. Peter laughed and hugged them happily, crying again.

“Aww! Happy tears!” Millie laughed, kissing his face. It was a nice change.

Peter could feel himself blushing. Flo and Macy laughed and kissed him too, making him blush more. He felt so happy. He got out his phone, finding Ned’s number, and sending him a text.

‘Cafe with the broken neon sign on Sunday? 10am?’

It was hardly a minute before he received a reply.

‘Sure! Can’t wait to see you again!’

Peter laughed happily, hugging his phone to his chest. Things were going to get better. That’s what he believed, in that moment at least.

-

Peter’s heart started thumping at the end of the day as they walked towards the car park.

“Mother said she’d have to send the driver” Millie said. “She’s got some things to do”

She suddenly waved, and Peter saw the Bentley Bentayga SUV she was looking at. It was an impressive looking car, and Peter couldn’t help being impressed. He still felt a little out of place climbing into it. The girls seemed perfectly at home, but then, he supposed they’d been used to this kind of thing all their lives.

-

Millie’s house was enormous, and in a completely different way to the Stark’s. It was more of an estate, with huge grounds. The front hall was something else entirely. It was like something out of a film, or in the very least, a home magazine. Tony often said Loki tried to make their house look like a show-home, but Peter now saw that he was wrong. The Stark’s home was posh and expensive-looking, and mostly clean and tidy, that was true. But there was stuff there too: scattered books and tech and magazines and newspapers. There were statues and trinkets and souvenirs, old greetings cards, cuddly toys on baskets and chairs, and pictures all over the place. Millie’s house showed none of these signs of life. It really did look like a show-house - posh, fancy, but impersonal. Peter wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“Good afternoon, Millie, my dear” A pretty lady in a spotless frilly apron appeared and hugged Millie. She looked a lot like Millie herself. She stood back and looked at the others. “Hello again, Macy, Flo, my dears. Now, you must be Peter. I’ve heard a lot about you”

Peter’s heart was thumping, and his stomach hurt. He half-hid behind Flo, and Millie’s mother smiled.

“Aw, don’t be shy now, dear. I’m Mrs Colette, but you can call me Lettie. Everybody does”

“Childhood nickname” Millie said.

Peter nodded. He’d somehow never caught her last name before. Amelia Colette sounded perfectly prim and proper, but very beautiful too.

“Why don’t you go and get changed, kiddies? I must get back to the kitchen”

Millie led them up the huge gilded staircase, along the corridor, and into her room. It was very cute, all white and baby pink, and somehow absolutely pristine. The floorboards were so highly polished you could almost see a clear reflection in them. Peter looked at everything, another magazine-style room, but looking a little more lived in. Millie had little statues of fairies on the shelves, schoolbooks piled on the desk, and all sorts of little bottles and trinkets on the dressing table. It was an incredible dressing table, with the type of mirrors jointed so you could see the back of your head by positioning it properly. It was beautifully white, with ceramic floral handles on the little drawers.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Millie said, standing beside him. “My uncle made it for me years ago”

“I keep meaning to get myself a proper dressing table like that” Macy said.

Peter turned to look at her, and as he did, felt all the blood rush to his cheeks. She’d started getting changed, but she hadn’t got round to putting her shirt on yet, and was stood in her bra and jeans. She didn’t seem phased. They all three laughed at the look on Peter’s face. Flo started pulling her uniform off, and Peter found himself staring. He knew he shouldn’t, but he was amazed at their confidence. Plus, there was something entrancing about Flo’s long light hair flowing down her bare skin.

“Aren’t you going to get changed?” Millie said, pulling off her tie.

Peter nodded slightly, recovering a little respect and tearing his eyes away. He’d seen the girls in their swim kits, but those standard school one-piece swim suits were very different to seeing them in their underwear. He swallowed hard, trying hard not to be embarrassed - but it was plainly obvious upon catching sight of his reflection in the mirror that he was. He turned his back to get his regular clothes out of his satchel, and found it was more comfortable not to look at them. He had silly tears in his eyes, and he wasn’t really sure why. He felt like maybe this had been a bad idea. Maybe it was just nerves.

The other three kept chatting while they were getting changed. Peter tried to be modest, making sure he was never more than half-undressed at any one time. Even when he was dressed, he felt a little odd. He’d just taken jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie, and now he wasn’t sure if, despite the designer labels, they were too casual. Macy looked lovely in her jeans and a smart little button-up shirt, and Flo and Millie both looked very dignified and dainty in their little dresses. He felt a little out of place.

“Aww, you’re even cuter out of your uniform!” Millie said, giving him a hug. “You’re so cuddly, did you know?”

Peter shrugged slightly, but he smiled at her. He was relieved that they didn’t seem put-off by his choice of clothing. He was, however, nervous of what her parents would think. Her mother seemed nice enough, but she’d heard stories about her father, and they weren’t good ones. It was a nerve-wracking thought. He wasn’t sure he wanted to meet him. He hoped he wouldn’t be home tonight.

-

Millie’s mother didn’t look disapprovingly at his outfit, which was another relief. She left them alone in the kitchen so they had some space. The kitchen smelt distinctly of baking, but looking around, there was no evidence that any actual cooking had been done. Sure, there were cakes and biscuits plated up, but there was no mess on the units, no pans and utensils piled up in the sink. It was as though they had appeared by magic. It was a strange one, and confirmed his suspicions that there was a huge difference between being rich and being posh.

-

Peter still couldn’t speak. Millie’s mother knew about the whiteboard, and was happy to give him the chance to write his responses, and the girls were more than used to it by now. It all felt as though it was going fine. They were talking like they always did, and they were comfortable. The rumours were true: Millie’s mother made great cakes. Peter was happy: he was enjoying himself.

“Hello, dears” Millie’s mother trilled, coming back into the kitchen.

“Hello, mother” Millie said.

“Can I send you four out into the conservatory for a little while? I’ll have dinner ready within the hour”

“Of course, mother” Millie said, standing up.

The others did too, so Peter followed them. The conservatory was just as posh and grand as the rest of the house. Peter looked at the red velvet sofas and thought he’d mark them if he so much as looked at them. The girls all sat down without a second thought though, so he joined them. The whole rich and posh thing was still taking a lot of getting used to. He was grateful of the girls, because they never made him feel any different. They made it easy to forget about the social gap.

-

They went back into the kitchen for their dinner, and Millie’s mother proved herself to be good at making stuff other than just cakes. It was all very nice, eating good food in the worlds fanciest kitchen, warm, comfortable, and surrounded by friends. But, just as they’d finished eating, the front door opened. Its sound seemed to echo round the house, and Peter’s heart stopped. He didn’t need any introduction to know that it was Millie’s father home from work. The footsteps got closer, and Peter’s heart started really thudding, and he broke out in a cold sweat.

“Good evening, father”

Peter looked up, and saw that a man just as stern as he’d imagined had entered the room. He looked incredibly strict. He was older than Peter had expected - definitely older than Tony - and he didn’t exactly look pleased to be there.

“Good evening, Amelia. Florence, Macy” he nodded at the girls, and turned his attention to Peter. “Who are you?”

Peter shrunk away from him, looking down at his hands.

“Father, that’s Peter. You know, I told you about him” Millie said.

“Oh yes. The one who doesn’t speak”

Millie blushed furiously. “That can’t be the only thing you remember me telling you!”

“Don’t take that tone with me, young lady” he snapped, and turned back to Peter. “Parker, isn’t it?”

Peter had to nod, but he still couldn’t bring himself to look at him. A hand came into vision, and he looked up, worried, but it turned out not to be the threat he’d expected. He swallowed hard and took the offered hand. Millie’s father nodded approvingly.

“You have a good, strong handshake” he said.

Peter nodded, and drew his hand back. He wasn’t sure what to make of Millie’s father. He didn’t seem very friendly, but he didn’t seem to hate him, so that was something. He did, however, have a slight look of disapproval on his face. The reasoning was as yet unclear.

-

Millie gave Peter a fierce hug once her father had left the room.

“I’m sorry he scared you” she said, kissing his cheek. “He wasn’t very happy when he heard about you”

Why?

“Probably just wants to protect his little girl from evil predatory boys” Flo said, and collapsed into giggles.

“Flo!” Millie sighed irritably. “He doesn’t care about me. Not unless I’m doing something he can show off about”

Peter shook his head. He didn’t really understand.

“Just ignore him” Millie said loftily. “He’s not a big fan of anyone. At least he actually said something to you”

-

The scare of Millie’s father soon passed, and they went through to the living room. They sat on the floor, put the telly on the music channels, and soon got sucked into a game of truth or dare. It wasn’t long before they were all collapsed in a heap, weak with laughter, tears down their cheeks, their stomachs hurting.

“Ok, ok, I’ve got one!” Macy said, recovering herself. “Millie, I dare you to kiss Peter on the lips!”

“You can’t tell me to do that!” Millie squealed.

“Ok, truth then! How often do you watch porn?”

“MACY!!!” Flo and Millie both squealed.

Macy laughed and sat back on her hands. “Hey, it’s truth or dare! Time to make a choice!”

Millie went beetroot-red. “Fine!”

She covered her face with her hands for a moment. She took a deep breath, shifted position, put her arms round Peter’s shoulders, and kissed him softly on the lips. Flo and Macy all but screamed, but Peter barely heard them. He’d gone all hot, with a cold shiver up his spine - so similar to the fear he’d had upon meeting Millie’s father, but so different. Millie was so soft, so close, so gentle...

She pulled back, slowly taking her arms from round his shoulders. She swallowed, and looked at Macy.

“Happy now?”

Macy stared at her, and burst out laughing, collapsing against Flo and hugging her.

“That was so cute! Aw Peter, your face!”

The living room door opened, and they all stopped short. Millie’s mother stood in the doorway.

“Peter, dear, someone’s here for you”

The kids looked at each other, and Millie noticed the time.

“It’s already eight o’ clock!”

The living room door opened properly, and Tony appeared beside Millie’s mother. Peter was so excited to see him that he jumped up from the floor and ran over to give him a hug.

“Woah! Hey there, fella” Tony smiled and hugged him back. “Have you had a good night? I hope you’ve been behaving yourself!”

“He’s been good as gold” Millie’s mother said, smiling.

Millie, Flo, and Macy had stood up and come over, looking awestruck.

“Peter!” Flo said. “You never told up your dad was Tony Stark!”

Peter looked at her over his shoulder and smiled. Tony stroked his hair gently.

“Technically, I’m his guardian” Tony said. “Now, long blonde hair, you must be Flo. Millie, you look just like your mother, so that means you must be Macy”

They all smiled and giggled.

“My father is going to be so jealous when he hears about this!” Macy said. “He loves your work! He reads all your magazine interviews”

“I’m flattered” Tony smiled.

Just then, Millie’s father came in through the other door. He stopped, recognising Tony straight away.

“Tony Stark?” he said. “The Tony Stark? Well, I never!”

Tony accepted his handshake civilly. Peter buried himself further into Tony’s chest.

“My daughter neglected to tell me who your son was” he said.

“Ah, yes, well, it’s not exactly common knowledge” Tony said. “I wanted to protect him from all that. I’m sure you can understand”

“Of course”

“Woah, this is so cool!” Flo grinned. “Peter, I can’t believe you didn’t tell us”

Peter looked at her, and up at Tony, smiling proudly. Tony smiled down at him.

“Well, kiddo, we’d better be getting you home. Say goodbye to your friends now. And thank Millie’s parents for having you”

Peter nodded, and nodded in appreciation at Millie’s mother. He was too scared of her father, so went straight to hugging his girls. Macy hugged him tight and kissed his cheek, and Flo did the same. And then Peter stood back, and looked at Millie.

“Thanks for coming”

She hugged him tightest of all, burying her face in his neck. Tony smiled fondly, as did Millie’s mother. Her father didn’t look happy, but he stayed quiet. Millie pulled back slightly, and for a moment, Peter thought she was going to kiss him. But she didn’t. She just smiled, bumped their noses together, and let him go.

“See you on Monday”

*

[tinysupervicki]

So I wrote an essay for a scholarship I need and I felt it was very fitting for y’all to know my thoughts. I really miss my mom.

———-

We were alone in my grandma’s living room, darkness covering us both. My mom sat on the ottoman, defeated. She was in her floral nightgown, one that she chose because it is easier for me to slide on her myself, and she was breathing oxygen through the concentrator that was connected to the wall.

“I can’t do it anymore.” she had said. I wiped my eyes, tears spilling down my shirt as I hold in a sob.

“Mom, yes you can. You made it this far. I’m here for you.” I pleaded with her.

She looked at me, eyes glazed over and sighed. “Mija, just put me in a home or something. I’m just a burden for you.”

“No. I would never. Even though this happened too early in life, I wouldn’t have put you in a home at all.”

We sat in silence again, tears flowing down our faces in unison.

She breathed out. “I guess I can keep going. I love you, mija.”

“I love you too, mom.”

I didn’t think a few weeks later after this conversation I would lose my best friend forever.

I come from a long line of strong women in my family. My great-grandma had four children and eventually became a working single mom. My grandma had three children and was also forced to become a hard-working single mom. Then, there was my mom. My mom was a warrior. She was the most amazing person I have ever met and looked up to for inspiration. It might seem bias to other people since she was my mom, but she really was an amazing and strong person. My mother’s name was Veronica and she had me when she was in high school. She told me it was hard for her fulfilling the hispanic pregnant teenager stereotype but she did not let that stop her.

Once she graduated high school, and had me shortly after, she did not give up. She worked full-time to provide for me all while still taking college classes to pursue her Associate’s. As if there weren’t enough challenges my mom was already facing, she was faced with another one right after she had me. She became a victim of a drunk driving accident. She survived that car accident but it ruined her back, causing her to have to have herniated discs in her spine. It was hard but she was able to recover and get back to work as a full time employee, student, and mother.

After finishing her Associate’s, she decided that was not enough. She wanted to further her situation even more and pursued not only her Bachelor’s degree but her Master’s degree, all while working and raising me. My mom taught me to work hard and to keep going in life no matter what curve balls it throws at you. She wanted me to go to school and pursue a good career. Despite her working so hard and standing her ground, something was eventually thrown in her path that she could not overcome.

My mom had Lupus, which is an autoimmune disorder that causes the immune system to basically attack itself, causing her to be very susceptible to other diseases. She ended up getting more sick as the years went by as I grew up. She ended up developing more diseases and disorders, which was slowly taking her life away. My mom was so young but by the end of it she had a body of an eighty year old. She had to eventually start using a cane because her back physically hurt her to get up and around. Then in 2015, shortly after I turned 22 years old, she decided enough was enough and decided to have a complicated back surgery. It was supposed to help her; we were reassured she would get better. However, it did not go as planned.

Because of medical malpractice, my mom almost died. She had to stay in the hospital for three months to recover from sepsis. Once she was released, I became her caregiver because the sepsis resulted in her having damaged lungs and she was unable to walk. For eleven months, I was her caregiver. I had to quit my part-time job and had to take some time off of school to take care of her. It was the most difficult time in my life; watching my mom deteriorate while working my absolute hardest to help her. My mom would tell me that I shouldn’t be doing the caregiving but I reassured her that it was fine. I felt in my heart that it was my turn to take care of her because she took care of me my whole life. Unfortunately, on September 14, 2016, my mom died at the age of 41. It was a devastating blow and I still suffer from PTSD because I saw her die before me eyes. No one should ever have had to see what I saw and be forced to deal with that kind of trauma. That day in the hospital still haunts me.

I had lost my best friend and I did not know what to do with my life. I moved in with my grandma because I felt we needed each other during this time. I could not go back in my childhood home, it did not feel the same. During those first few months since she passed away, I did not know what to do with myself. I felt guilty, thinking I did not take good care of her enough and I felt suicidal, wanting to just be with her. Then one day, my mom visited me in my dream. She looked healthy and in my dream I was able to give her a teary, big hug. Then she told me something I will never forget, she wanted me to be happy. I woke up crying, telling my mom in my head that I will do my best to be happy.

What I learned from this disaster in my life is to stay strong and work hard to reach my goal, and ultimately to be happy with my life. With help and encouragement from my aunt and grandma, I stayed in school, found a new job, and moved into my first apartment by myself. I work at a really great ballet company in my city where I work box office sales. I am in my senior year at the University of Houston, finishing my Psychology major and hoping to become an early childhood teacher. I have been living by myself in my apartment for almost three months so far and it feels so liberating. I am still grieving, I have learned that the process will never really go away. People say that it gets better with time, but I have not reached that point yet. It has already been more than a year since she has passed and it still hurts. I still miss her everyday. I learned from this disaster to never give up on life. I have my days where I do want to give up, and just lie in bed and sleep for a long time. I have since learned it is understandable since it is still part of the grieving process. However, the next day I get back to work. I work hard at my job at the ballet company, sometimes going above and beyond to help customers. I am also working hard to finish my major; I know my mom wanted me to stay in school and finish, eventually working towards my career. I would love to become an elementary school teacher, I love kids so much. Initially, I had thought I wanted to pursue a career in psychology but after the trauma I faced I realized that it would not be the right career choice for me. I have recently decided to pursue a career in teaching, specifically elementary. My younger cousins helped me a lot during my down times, doing their best to make me smile. I would help them with their homework everyday after school. It was during this time that I realized, this was something that would make me happy.

I also sometimes think about how hard my mom worked when I was growing up. If she was able to work hard in difficult times, then I will be able to do it too. She finished school while providing for me, I know I can do that as well. She kept going on days where she felt terrible or when her lupus would flare up. She worked hard to survive the sepsis and was able to walk away with that, albeit in a wheelchair. My mom was the strongest warrior I have ever met and I am glad to say I have become a warrior as well. She taught me everything I needed to know and most of all, she taught me to be happy. I am now working to stay happy, while not giving up on my career.