#which i gen forgot was a thing LMAO

[midosune]

I never posted this one here!! Bun bun rainbow!~

[usedpidemo]

a tale of two (concert) halves... (storytime!)

I've made it clear over the past few updates that my real life struggles have really backed us into a corner. If the first half of 2024 was on hard difficulty, the second half has so far been on brutal. Personal relationships are falling apart, our physical health has been going through hell, and our finances are struggling to keep up with ever increasing debts. As much as I am a man of faith, I do struggle with maintaining such devout trust on the daily, because I am afraid of the worst.

But even during these tough times, it's comforting to know I won't be left for dead, and I can still find enjoyment in them.

Not gonna lie, I thought I would never attend a concert this year. IVE was coming back after a little over a year, but I didn't have money for it (and is something I still struggle to move on from). ITZY was coming back less than eight months when I saw them, but no Lia, and the ticket selling was insanely early (fuck you Live Nation). The only other girl group I think came here was fromis_9, which I still would love to see, but that was for a festival, so the setlist was extremely limited—and it was during finals week, so that was not gonna happen. There's just been an overall downturn of concerts compared to last year, so whether or not this is a good thing, you decide. (Seriously, no aespa, no (G)I-DLE, no NMIXX, etc.)

However—here comes Red Velvet, one of the holy trinity of 3rd gen girl groups (TwicePinkVelvet), celebrating their 10th anniversary with an Asia tour. By some miracle, I got a stimulus check two months ahead of my birthday, and yet it was still a hard decision, because I wasn't sure if other girl groups would also tour near the end of the year. Looking at what's to come for the last quarter of the year, I highly doubt it and 2025 is sure to be stacked, so it all paid off in retrospect.

It was a completely different experience than the first two outings. For one, it was fucking standing floor over seated, so I knew my body would be put through the torture rack. Second was the unpredictability of where I would end up—thankfully it wasn't first come first serve where I would be forced to camp early (which by the way, concert campers are disgusting and should be arrested). Still, my positioning would depend on my queuing number (which in itself was dependent on when you would buy your ticket, and obviously unless you got into the site as soon as it loaded up, the earlier), and while it wasn't completely shit—it still meant that a majority would get their preferred spot over mines.

Cut to the actual concert day and it was a tale of two halves. The first was the pre-concert, which wasn't all bad at the start—but then there was the queuing before entering the venue. I could have easily waited and taken my sweet time exploring and doing other shit, but I was pressured to queue early out of fear of not getting a good spot. I forgot that since it was queuing numbers, they would rearrange the line anyway, so I never really had a chance lmao. I really shot myself in the foot quite literally by adding an extra two hours standing around.

Everyone in VIP was given a bonus member card, and I didn't end up getting my bias. I tried bartering with other fans, but I absolutely failed. To add insult to injury, everyone else were able to trade and/or get theirs, so that fucking sucks.

It was also the first time I was forced to wear some kind of noise control for my ears. Didn't really have earplugs but Airpods were certainly a nice alternative. Fucking hell—this was the loudest of the three crowds I've ever been a part of, and it doesn't help that the audience would screech and shout out of tune. It was so goddamn annoying. Then you get to the ments/speeches, and they would just fucking bark and make monkey noises while the members were talking, and after performances. I counted a total of 12-14 times this happened throughout, and it never got any better. If the members weren't encouraging the audience, I'd probably have socked someone in the nose out of annoyance at some point.

As for the overall concert itself, I had a blast! I'm not that familiar with Red Velvet's colorful discography, but they performed most of their hits and title tracks (ripperoni Russian Roulette and Chill Kill). Not only that, but the set ran for almost 3 hours (2 hours 50 minutes as they did start like 10 minutes past schedule), and the energy persisted all throughout. Wendy was constantly flaunting her vocals, but Joy. Joy was absolutely fucking insane. Also, the fucking Zimzalabim encore is something everyone needs to experience once in their lifetime.

I wish I could say the pain was all worth it—but of course, life being life, it decides to fuck with me one more fucking time with the middle finger. After the show ended, we were all told to stay in our spots for the send-off event as everyone else were escorted out and the raffle winners from lower seating tiers were pulled in. We waited for 40 minutes, and then the members come out. It should be a cool moment! Except they were led by staff straight to the extended stage for a bit and then they'd get off, completely neglecting the sides, where me and a few others were. They would eventually go around the venue, but by the time we realized what has happening, it was too late—we never got to see them up close properly.

I'll be honest, while I don't feel as bothered thinking about it a few days on, when it happened, it almost ruined the entire experience for me. The organizers/staff had misdirected us and didn't organize properly, so some of us got a lesser experience than those who won the raffle, which is worse for us since we paid more. The send-off treatment here was way—way worse than in Bangkok and Jakarta, and it fucking pisses me off. We can't have shit in this country. I don't blame the girls for it; they were just following instructions and they had a flight to catch shortly after (not to mention they were tired as fuck). Still, the fact I paid so much for that underwhelming send-off experience just reinforces my opinion that hi-touches are simply better. At least everyone gets a fair shot, even if it was very brief. You can't win them all, I guess. I also do believe that it was bound to happen, the first two experiences were near-perfect and flawless in execution, so something had to give to bring me back down to earth.

Nevertheless, even if for just a few hours, it's nice to find some comfort and enjoyment despite the world around me crumbling down. To think that they're 10 years on and still as active as their younger contemporaries in K-pop is astounding. I can see why they're among the most beloved girl groups ever; there's only a handful with equal the talent and discography to match. This was also my first outing with a new camera, and when it was hitting, the shots were fucking hitting.

I really wish Bamboleo was part of the set tho.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Was reading thru ur answered asks again (also hey lol i CAME BACK--) and like. Oh my god. It gave me The Most Idea.

So you get isekaied to Teyvat right? They hear your og language, they revere every single worf from your mouth, yadda yadda yadda. But like. How does SLANG AND THE OTHER ASPECTS OF UR OG LANGUAGE translate. I am having VERY heavy flashbacks to Pokemons "jelly filled donuts".

So like-- for example: (this is the first one that came to my head dont judge me i am tumblr trash) (lets also assume that traveler has perfect understanding of ur language and slang and all the nuances of it)

Lets say you and the traveler were hanging out with some of the Vision holders, and the traveler had some shenanigans and pranks or something planned. After they pull their shit, you say "i hate you so much (affectionate)". Which kind of throws the Vessels in for a loop because like-- their god literally just said they HATED someone. And hate is a PRETTY STRONG WORD. So they should DEFINITELY strike them down for catching their gods ire but-- AFFECTIONATE????? how does one hate someone affectionately???????? Does this mean their god hates the traveler but decided to recind their hate last second? Is it some form of Divine and Holy emotion that cannot be described by the mere words of their language????

Meanwhile youre just there vibin and having a blast with the traveler while you casually give them a philosophical crisis AHAHAHA

Another example is shortened words-- because i know teyvat doesnt have shit like "ily" or "omg" or "lmao" or "fyi" or "brb". Because honestly, without the cultural knowledge and background of the internet, these sets of letters are just fucking GIBBERISH.

And i know that like-- i know enough internet slang abbreviations that i can literally just talk in jumbles of letters, so how in the WORLD would the vessels interpret that? Because its very clear that their god is just using the letters of their language, HELL they might even use Teyvatian letters so what in the world are they saying????

So theyd just hear a convo between the traveler and reader thats like:

Reader: traveler, i gtg asap; tldr i forgot some stuff back in the cr brb

Traveler: wait fr?

Reader: yeah fr

Traveler: lol f

Reader: (sighs) ffs man-- anyways brb for real

Traveler: cya

And the vessels are just watching the exchange like "huh?? What????? What just happened here??????" And theyre just wondering if they used teyvatian to talk in the "divine language of the gods" but nah-- yall are just dickin around AHAHA

Hey, so it came to my attention some of this was AAVE, and while i am southern so things like "ya'll" got included w/o me thinking - thats not an excuse for me to use this as a white person.

so if you wouldnt mind letting me please know if i do this as we talk abt language more and more - i do not want to repeat shit like this again.

I'm genuinely sorry to any black readers out there.

I've personally seen and cringed with you when I see imagines/reader things that assume a white person as default,

All I can do in ur eyes is promise that I am actively putting a stop to my ignorance of things like AAVE, and ask for forgiveness (which you arent obligated to give, never feel that way).

So with that in mind, read the ask below with caution, although it has since been edited.

____

ITS YOU!! >:D

A treat for ur ask my liege 🤲🍪✨️

I think u were literally the first asker after my first SAGAU/Isekai language brainrot post!! Omg u came back with a banger LMAO

What in the public menace is this...

(Gif is traveler and u pranking bitches)

Traveler knowing our world + language + SLANG?? INTERNET?? is SUCH A CONCEPT

So much room for inside jokes

I absolutely love the first one u said about phrases these days/gen z ig? slang

Its like so dramatic now that i think about it

Hate / love / dead / die / just straight up threats towards ur friends as affection or if theyre annoying u 😭

So many explicitives that make it hit harder too "go fucking die, my love <3"

^^^Or yeah like contradictions lol

♤

I think it was @nexylaza (srry abt the tag!) who replied to one of my earlier asks about blunt language how that might sound like to Teyvatians like ur emotions sound more extreme than what u actually feeling (which makes sense ur literally using hate = mildly dislike LMAO)

Same situation here like what u said ^^^

♧

(Ok i did lovely Aether awhile back so we'll go w/ Lumine this time! <3 u Aether!!)

.

*idk at an event/party for your arrival or something, and ya hungry fucks r hoarding the buffet table lol 🍻

.

You: "Shut the fuck up Lumine-"

Lumine: "Why r u pouring ur drink like ur in a earthquake lmao? Shaky hands lol"

.

*The immediate area of people around you go dead silent

*Lumine laughs

💀💀!!

.

Lumine: "Your gonna miss our cups LMAO"

You: "Bitch!" (u grinnin too lol)

.

*the whole rooms now quiet 😭

.

Lumine: "Don't spill- 🤣"

You: "I fucking hate you u whore <3"

(And u give the most genuine like abt to laugh smile🥰 )

.

*...a confused and kinda scared tension fills the room lol

*So poor Noelle, is like, oh. my. god. Creator is that upset with Lumine?? I must try to see what happened, how I can help! I dont remember Lumine doing anything bad to them! Shes wonderful y u do this to her 🥲

.

Noelle: "Uh, um, e-excuse me? Is every-everything al-alright, Y-y-your Majesty?"

You: "Huh? Yeah why??"

Noelle: "...w-well..."

UR FACE LIKE "😗?" LMFAO

.

*The room is staring at Lumine, in a mix of like shock, fear, and a little admiration for taking ur hate?? mood swing??? so well,,

theyre just waiting on Noelle to get an answer from you as to why you hate someone u seemed to care so much about, esp since they were ur first vessel 💀

look what you did their poor hearts u gonna give them a heart attack soon

.

Noelle: "A-a-a-a-are y-y-you s-sure??"

SHE IS SWEATIN

You: "🤨🤨??"

.

*Lumine finally notices why theyre all quiet and kinda concerned looking, bc u sure as hell wouldnt 😭 (i mean it is normal speech for u)

.

And Lumine's like: "No Noelle we're all good! It's just how Your Grace's home world, er, speaks for slang? Its overexagerated purposely dont worry love"

...

...

*Im sure they dont all believe her (or even you if u tell them 😭) and are just like,, REALLY NERVOUS CHUCKLING WHILE LIKE SWEATING-

And it takes a good like 10 minutes for the conversations to start getting back to their volume again, and they all still are looking over their shoulder checking on you guys 😰

.

(U did pour drinks w/o spillin tho🍻)

♡

THE TEXTING SLANNGGG

Ok, but u and Lumine would fucking write letters to people, and being the little shits pranksters u are,

(Bc u kno Teyvat dont got nothing else bc we're in the medival ages, besides having cameras- 🙄 )

And u guys r constantly-

"oh yes yes, that sounds all well and good Keqing, please inform the Qixing that I'll be there ASAP"

AND THEN-

"oh haha, silly me, i forgot that only Lumine/you get that stuff, sorryyyy 😋!!!"

SOME PUBLIC MENACES LMFAO PLEASE

.

And it just spreads to ALLLL the official documents u write or literally any letters sent to anybody-

And everyone else is feeling like the friend that got sacrificed to walk in the grass instead of the sidewalk 💀💀

While also being like "??¿?¿??? 🥲🥲😀😀???"

Is this ancient code?? Why does Lumine get to know it??

Why dont the like??? really old deities understand it??!!

But then nerds like Tighnari, Albedo, Alhaitham, Zhongli, Sucrose, Ayaka, Kokomi, Xingqiu, Childe, Yanfei, Shenhe, Kazhua, Sara, Ayato, Heizou, Cyno, Kaeya

Try to "solve" the letters or slang, poor things and not a single one of them gets it (y did u do this to them lmao)

(God i finally looked at a character list so i wouldnt leave anyone out, but theres so many of these fucks by now help)

^^^But all these ppl try to solve it in different ways/for different reasons that im too lazy to type out individually, u can see it right??

Some see this as an ancient scholarly code thing, some of them think of it like a rlly hard puzzle, and some just rlly want to put the mental effort into knowing/not being left out 😭😭

.

And if anybody happens to see some letter exchanges w/ Lumine or like any written responses, you do not. stop. using. text slang. back to back.

(Like what u put in the ask💀)

And its so miserable for those characters mentioned especially, bc they look like scrambled letters 😭

.

Honestly them seeing u two talk to each other via letters just proves that the letters even mean anything at all to them, bc how did u understand each other, otherwise???!!

.

(No one would ever realize u guys were fucking around unless u told them 💀)

✨️Sorry✨️this✨️isnt✨️that✨️great✨️i✨️just✨️wanted✨️ to✨️ expand✨️ on✨️ what ✨️u ✨️already ✨️had ✨️nothing ✨️new✨️ 🧚🏽‍♀️🧚🏽‍♀️

I felt feral and out of it when i wrote this, i literally dont remember a single word i typed on that bullet list..

SO i still have asks/requests im gonna answer but i will be posting my follower event poll!! CLICK ME :) ♡

Yall get to choose what i write about for some posts :D

(You can be a new follower!)

✨️

BTW

UR SO BIG BRAIN SMART 2ND RANDOM U EVEN THOUGHT ABT TEYVATIAN LETTERS GETTING INCLUDED ADHJSLALASLL

WHAT A GENIUS

I hope my shit writing was somewhat ok of a reply to read to pay u back for that great idea lol

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds

@karmawonders

[umi-adxhira]

TWTPTFLOB WITH GEN-Z READER PART 2

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was Dion centred because I like him. Also this was less gen-z as I hoped, and it was more of a story lmao

We need to go back to the beginning. Your friend from your own world gave you a manhwa recommendation, Roxana. Its about a girl who ikesai's into a manhwa to protect the original female leads older brother for her survival

You fell asleep with your phone in your hand, hearing the sounds of a woman whispering in your ear, so close, yet so far away

You awoke in the arms of a man, half of his face covered with a black mask, with a cloak hiding his figure

After blinking a few times, your eyes focus and you're met face to face with the second oldest son of the Black Agriche

"WHAT THE SIGMA??? MY GOAT??? IN THE FLESH???

"...did you just call me a goat?"

"It's a good thing dw bro"

"Interesting... where did you come from?"

"You tell me, you're the one holding me in your arms. Idk how I got here"

He's perplexed. On one hand, he could kill you, but on the other hand, you're far too interesting to let go of

"...come with me. We're going somewhere"

"Where are we going?"

"To your new home"

After a few minutes of walking, you pass out in his arms, tired and overwhelmed from your journey

You woke up once more in a lavish bed, the brightness of the light burning your retinas as you place anl hand over your face

You get up from your position, face once again with the same man who helped you here, in a chair next to you

"You're awake"

"Uuuuuuhhh yes I am. Thanks for noticing"

"Where did you come from? I will not ask a third time"

"From uuuuuhhh the east! Yeah, my family lives there. I got lost hahaha"

"And now you're a liar?"

"What makes you think I'm lying?"

"Your choice of attire is... bold"

You look down, seeing the MLP shirt you wore to sleep last night. It featured the mane six, with the MLP logo at the top

"Do NOT disrespect My Little Pony. Its the best show ever"

"They're... horses with feminine, human facial features"

"They're PONIES, actually"

Then you proceeded to tell the entire lore of MLP to him, not aware your stomach was growling every five minutes from talking so much

Someone knocked on the door, and lo and behold, was Roxana, the main character of the manhwa

Instantly from the MLP shirt you wore you were not from this world, you were sent here, like her, and it was in her best interest to keep you alive

"Ah yes, Father did tell me about your... new pet. Quite interesting to care so much about this one"

"They interest me. I don't think I'll be bored for long while to come"

"I see. Well, goodbye"

Intense. Big yikes.

Lante decided to let you stay here. As his unofficial favourite child wanted a toy, why would he say no?

After being changed into more appropriate clothing, you walked around the Manor, taking everything in. While taking everything in, you FORGOT to take in the way to get back to your room. You're lost

In a panic, you go back the way you came, only to end up in halls you don't even recognise. Luckily, a familiar face is here to help

"Ah, look, Sierra! What a cute little thing! Where do you think it came from?"

"Uuuh... well, your son was mentioned in having a new... companion"

"That rock I gave birth to? What, I must take care of them then!"

"I don't think that's wise..."

"Enough"

You all turn your heads to see Roxanna, with Jeremy in tow. She grabs your wrist, dragging you away.

"Girl let go! If you grip any tighter my blood circulation will cut off!"

"Didn't your parents teach you to not disrespect my sister?!"

"Didn't your parents teach you not to speak when the adults are talking?!"

A sigh escapes the female's lips, standing in front of the door on which you came out of

"That bastard's room? Why are we here?"

"Not now, Jeremy"

She opens the door, shoving you inside. A large slam can be heard which makes you jump a little, not before coming fave to face with the tall man

"Where were you?"

"Walking around. Got lost. Met two women. Saw a girl and her blueberry dog and they dragged me here. Slammed the door. I'm here"

You were against telling them that you were aware of their names and the roles they played in the manhwa. If Roxanna were to find out you read the manhwa where she was the main character, it would lead to events changing which means you can't follow the story, hence not knowing future events

"Uuuh. Is this your room?"

"Our room now. You are mine, this is your room too"

"Oh um... thanks, I guess. I don't know your name, though"

"It's Dion"

"Oh... my name's Alex"

"Why do you continue to lie to me?"

"I'm not lying"

"..."

"Fine. Its [name]"

"Well, [name], welcome to your new life"

©️umi-adxhira [24/10/2024]

[eldaryasharbinger]

MCL New Gen Ep. 4 Review

I played the episode on early access so now it's review time! Like last time, I'll give a more generic and spoiler free opinion and leave all the spoilers below the cut!

First thing I want to say is that this might be my favorite episode so far, I've gasped in surprise A LOT while playing it, due to all the information we get to know about all the other characters, like there's a lot to unpack from this episode... I can't wait to hear what others will think of it when it's avaible to everyone!

The episode costed me exactly 1716 APs, uncle Archibald included! (I also finally found him and got the right answer! I forgot to look for him in ep 2 and 3 and missed taki's costumes :( )

So far I've only seen Jason's, Amanda's and Devon's illustrations so I'm really curious about the others. Amanda's is very very pretty and the special scene was soo good,, Devon's is pretty cute as well, I liked the idea and I wonder what the interaction was like!

Jason's kind of let me down, I didn't have much expectations and I'm not saying that it's bad, I just wish it was a little bit... more? Still the special scene was so good it fit the way I see Petronilla's personality/way of thinking if that makes sense?? Also I really enjoyed the story so me being low-key disappointed by illu is probably a me-only problem because it was perfect for the context

I'd say more but idk what others might consider spoilers or not so I'm playing safe and leaving all the other details below the cut, spoilers ahead! From the future: It's super long I really had so much to say, so if you're stopping here, remember to come back after playing the episode!

OKAY BUT THE GASP I GASPED WHEN I SAW LYNN?? Absolutely loved seeing her animated, or yk, seeing her in general! I wasn't really expecting it but I loved the surprise!

Also lmao not Thomas just telling Lynn that he loved her as a kid I WAS SHOCKED but simply because the possibility never crossed my mind... Consider my flabbers, gasted...

Like when I said we'd be learning a LOT about the others, I MEANT IT!! I didn't know how we'd even end up in the situation to talk about love and relationship with our coworkers in the first place (which was the premise of the episode) but it basically started after Thomas randomly revealed he loved Lynn as a kid, Elenda teasing him and him revealing (kind of) that she had a childhood crush on someone as well which is, well, DEVON!! It was so much because at that point anything could've happened... I was already so surprised and impressed by what was going on... BUT THEN !!

I love how everyone was going crazy about Roy and Brune being in a relationship when these two have been together for two weeks, never kissed, slept together or anything

And we just have to watch these two having a the realization and simply breaking up like it was nothing...

To be honest I didn't even find it strange or weird although the other characters were kind of annoying about it, and that just because they were so chill with it?? Like, not every break up has to be screams and tears idk, maybe I didn't find it strange because I've only had good breakups? (lots of heartbreaks from relationships that never even started too ofc) Like, once two people both agree that the love is gone/was never there or anything like that I think it's only normal for it to go ok? idk I found it very icky how literally no other character said anything like this, they were all shocked because of the lack of drama? Honestly, Brune is a queen for saying "go watch a soap opera if you want drama" lmao, I love her (unpopular opinion?)

Yeah you guessed it, I gasped AGAIN when Jason arrived at the café!

AND I GASPED AGAIN WHEN THOMAS SAID THIS??????? HELLOOOOOOO??????? LMAO IDEK WHAT TO SAY I'm on cloud nine y'all with how the story with Jason is going, I'm THRIVING, my brain is getting back into brainrot, like everything I could've wanted, like this kind of silly fanfic trope, I'm loving it

Okay Brune, ouch, but I still love you, you can call me anything lol

AND ELENDAAA!! SAME AS THOMAS !!! Yes keep saying these things as if we're teenagers/pos it's so so funny to me it gets me giggling and kicking my feet,, Like oooo he has a crush on you hehehehe hohohoho,, yeah I think it's the worms writing rn, they got control of my brain ;w;,

Okay so next, after we all saw Jason, we stayed on theme and Thomas started talking about how he follows him on insta in secret and how he's seen him with A LOT of women but never twice with the same one... then...

I kind of felt bad for him because seriously, they not only started talking about his private life, they were also saying bad things about him and were so judgemental, and I get not liking the guy but at the same time it felt uncalled? all he did was go to cozy bear cafe at the same time as us and he didn't even approach us,, come on y'all no one taught you how to behave?? There's this saying that basically says "don't speak about those who are not here to listen" or something like that and I believe in that, if I'm with people who start doing this I either stay shut or remind them that they're being mean, they're supposed to be adults but some of them really think in a rather "twisted" way, like Thomas for instance, he said that since Jason uploaded those pictures himself, it was public (therefore they were allowed to talk sh*t) and man... that's such a scary way to think (I'm not calling him a creep, I get why he might htink that way), I've already stated before that I'm very paranoid and knowing that some people actually think this way (with evil intentions) is the reason why I feel so scared to post anything online, I want my life to remain private,, (these are just my experience with the situation, I'm not trying to make it sound like a big deal it just made me uncomfortable because of my personal beliefs)

Imagine "poor" Jason going for a coffee and then finding your rivals gossiping about your love life etc, and honestly the fact that I like Jason so much isn't even important because I swear I would've felt compassion for him even if I hated him with all my guts... BTW I'm not complaining about the writing, the story was very intresting and I wouldnt've wanted for it to go any diffrent!! "But Kaf! How can you say you liked it if it made you uncomfortable?" you see, I'm a weirdo and got questionable taste, I love me a pityful, loser and not really evil character, this is only making me root for Jason more, as well as making me want to put him in my mouth (means nothing I say this about all things I like so much that I just feel like I have to eat them,,)

Now get ready because next up we have the answer to Candy's question "why do we hate Jason?"

Guys.

GIRLS.

Y'ALL.

HE'S EVEN MORE PITIFUL TO MY EYES THAN BEFORE, LITERALLY MY FAVORITE KIND OF CHARACTER!! THE UNSUFFERABLE, MISERABLE BUT ACTUALLY JUST VERY VERY SAD ONES!! (I have decided he's like this, just my interpretation/headcanon)

They werent even friends to begin with, Jason was just this random guy who worked there, probably done with his job he saw Devon's file and decided to Plagiarise and try to get a chance at a better job, got caught, fired and decided that he was now enemies with this other random guy as if he didn't literally steal from him because HE IS A SORE LOSER!!!!!!!! He's unsufferable on purpose, probably very very sad inside and he kind of showed that when he caught them talking sh*t because he looked very serioius, no smile or anything

today is a great day for me, because I've now decided that I'm 100% right and this is how the story goes for Petronilla's story, even if in the future we might a diffrent story, this is how it is in my mind :D!

I love how she's like "i'm just investigating the rival! I'm totally not zooming in on each and every picture!" she's so real this is 100% 'Nilla behaviour (me too)

This is Jason's illustration and now you can understand what I meant with "I wish it were more"

More than a picture of a picture on my phone!! It's still accurate so I can't really complain about it too much, in the end I think it's good to have different perspectives (Also how pretty is he... wow...)

Girl you're cooked

yeah well, in my head I've already estabilished that Jason saw that and that he'll be overthinking it so much or he'll be like "ha ha, of course she liked this picture of me on purpose to send me a sign, she wants me, but of course cause she can't resist my charm! no one can!" and then feel so confident etc (a loser)

Now let's fast forward to sharing a taxi ride with our beautiful Amanda!

do you want to kiss already or

LMAO THIS IS WHERE MY STUPID ASS THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS ASKING ME OUT

I don't even know why I thought that but with how things were going... the atmosphere yk... And yeah, I gasped about this too

;A;, (yes, that's all the commentary I have left)

The illu is so cute and I loved the outfit, just like last time I ended up buying the illustration becase the outfit was different for Jason... Although I think that this one is pefert for Petronilla! (I unlocked it in the shop with 150 hearts at the end of the episode)

aaand this for last! to back up one of my recent reblogs talking about how Amanda isn't that bad and had her reason to be upset (in case you had the party at your house, I didn't)

That's all and wow, it's a lot

[bcolfanfic]

the people want more backstory about rosie adopting naomi!! (when u have time ofc)

rosieeeee. sweet man.

after he comes home from bagram august 2021 he contemplates staying in active duty, and maybe starting the application process and what not to go down the JAG path. but he came home from bagram with a lottt of anexity and the more thought he gives it the more he's just. ready to be done. ready to not worry about if he's gonna get sent into another fire in another war etc etc. goes back to practicing "normal law" mostly property law with an agriculture focus.

the thought of adopting just kinda washes over him out of the blue one day. is talking to a co-worker who adopted as a single parent and can't shake the "huh, what if i did that" feeling. talks himself out of it for a couple weeks, but then it comes back in his head, and he /really/ can't shake it this time.

sees his mom for lunch or something and she can tell he's off. asks if he's alright thinking it's ptsd related and he just blurts out something to the effect of do you think i'd be a good dad?

she pauses for a long moment bc she gen was not expecting that at all. but sees the look on his face and that he's asking genuinely and just. melts. yv rosie in my mind is super close with his mama (dad died when he was young) and seeing her baby so sincerely thinking about something like this just. makes her heart swell up. she tells him she think's he'd be a great dad, and prods a little about why he's asking which is a nice outlet for him to talk things out loud with someone.

the next people he tells that he's considering it are croz (his bff <3) and jeanie and they're both practically jumping through the phone like yes oh my god of course you'd be a good dad are you kidding????

he's a very private person and maybeee tells ev too because he figures croz will anyways. but outside the two of them everyone else doesn't know a thing till he actually has her. (think he similar to the bucks does the waiting child thing. was fully expecting to get an older kiddo since that's typically how that goes. but they call him about a lil 11 month old baby and he says yes before he can think twice about it. the social worker he's been working with nudges him a little about considering changing/choosing her name since she's so young, which he stresses a considerable amount over since he was not expecting to have to worry about that lmao. but he gives it some thought and goes with naomi and it Feels Right.)

croz and jeanie go out to be there and see lil baby naomi right after he gets her. croz texts a pic of rosie with her to the gc and everyone is like ????. they all think they somehow missed/forgot an entire crosby child existing lmao. but then croz is texts something to the effect of new rosenthal just dropped (: and they're like WHAT. lmfao. bucky just about screams and scares the hell out of gale across the house. dramatic ass. (which ironic, when him and gale end up more or less being in the same predicament with their friends finding out about baby micah with how sudden all that is).

goddd rosie is so happy. gets all teary talking to croz about it and croz gets a lil emotional too telling him he knows exactly how he feels. tells him that feeling never really goes away, and that he's already such a good dad which makes hm realllly cry. sweet boy.

naomi is that man's moon and stars. obv all the guys that have kids love their kiddos to death. but esp since it's just the two of them before aiden comes along, they're bonded real tight in a way that just. idk makes her real stiff competition for the most adored little girl on the planet.

[toytle]

Do you think baby trans barry allen would play with lps?

i just wanted to let you know that i started kicking my feet in joy when i saw this ask

despite that, my 1st thought was “no” LMAO i’ve been reading tBatB and forgot that he’s like a 90s baby now. and lps were invented in ‘92, so the timeline matches up!

the question is just if he’d WANT to play with them, and i think my new answer would be… kinda? a lot of barry’s interests were introduced to him by his mom which they bonded over together; comics, sci-fi, those were the things that stuck with him. toys like lps naturally ask for creativity, and barry strikes me as less of the imaginative type when it comes to roleplay/storytelling. dgmw, he’s absolutely creative, but that’s mostly for things he’s already interested in, plus his creativity comes more in the form of problem-solving. barry just feels like the kind of kid that’d prefer reading abt superheroes than playing them

but kids roleplay to process/explore their curiosities, and you’ve seen how my baby barry would “play detective” and “make science potions.” and i tend to portray him as a reserved, introverted kid, so a lot of these roleplay games would be solo. it’s a recipe for playing w lps, but the thing that keeps tripping me up is that he’d grow up with the kenner era, and those things were just animals. the lps most ppl think of didn’t come out until he would be 15, and by then, he’d have outgrown toys in general (rip barry you would’ve loved the special edition 2009 comic con cat 😔)

personally, i think barry got lps as a gift once (maybe from his dad, i imagine he’d try to bond with barry too but they didn’t rly connect as much as with his mom bc he initially just went for whatever was in the girls’ aisle rather than inviting him into his own interests as well-meaning but oblivious dads tend to do). barry probably would’ve reacted as he would for anything that wasn’t related to his interests: politely indifferent. maybe he’d try to incorporate them into stuff he already liked bc he’d feel bad abt letting them go to waste, but it was never abt the lps themselves. if he had action figures, they’d be the action figure’s pets, yk? but i think lps could be a bit nostalgic for him, and when he’d come across the hasbro rebrand of 2005, he’d look at them the way we look at gen 3 lps now lmao

but for your time (and my indulgence), i’ll provide a baby barry playing with REAL 👊 lps

[scribblediana]

Hi! How are you?

And how's the quest to get glasses going?

If your still looking for new ones some online glasses companies have much cheaper options!

I heard like 20$ maybe youtubers tried and have diffarant frames

(But you can't try them on wich do sucks)

And if your still struggling to get them maybe starting a kofi will help!! Wil the goal of glasses

HI SO THE UPDATE ON THE GLASSES THING!

basically! doctors did not know what was wrong with me and took trial and error to finally understand what was happening with my eyes for the past 2 years i spent so much money and i gen wish i get more kofi commissions or something because glasses are EXPENSIVE AAAND i got 2 pair,,,, one of them was extremely wrong prescription probably screw my eyes more than they already were,,, now im rocking new ones!! but still have fatigue problems so went back and they did MORE test and were like "oh ok so basically you cant focus and unfocus your eyes normally anymore and take a chunk of your eyes power to do it, so you been suffering from your eyes being tired all the time also dry eyes" and i swear i was gonna cry, which was more dollars down the drain,,, its ok tho !!! i got my new upgraded glasses and some drops and I been doing better! and that's! (kinda) the end of my suffering, also yeah thats the explanation on why you barely seen art from me the past few 2?? years?? i had a lot planned but I like forgot lol so will see. its not that i havent wanted to draw, i just been unable to do so lol.

Hopefully i should be able to draw more consistently now! i might like use the asks here for some warmups or smth because I still get people here asking me and like why not lmao.

ALSO ABOUT THE KOFI I DID START ONE!!! i feel awful doing this but it would be very good and would make me very happy if you support me by buying me kofi or a commission I have there!! YOU DONT HAVE TO! but it would be nice :))) thank you for listening!

the mod Kiti :b

my kofi btw:

https://ko-fi.com/squiddlykiti

[ladytauria]

2, 3, 9 and 15 are screaming at me 👀 I would love to know more about those!! - 🍊

(gen) rr pack & (gen) red hood’s robin (rr)

<333 so!! these first two are actually kind of connected.

i started writing red hood's robin first, and then i decided i wanted to do an omegaverse take, which spiraled into pack. and THEN i shared pack with @deepwithintheabyss, who gave me the idea for "sweetness of honey." (the rr vampire au came after "pack"--i had a very specific craving at the time 😂)

editing in some further context bc i realized i forgot to. add that. lmao

in “red hood’s robin” jason still tries to steal the batmobile tires and batman takes him to ma gunn’s. the theater thing doesn’t happen, though. instead, he ditches the house and ends up back on the streets.

it’s inspired by a fic i read—one by iselsis, i will link the exact one in a bit <3

“pack” starts more similarly to “the sweetness of honey” though jason isn’t being given as a gift this time, lol.

a snippet from red hood's robin ->

“Hey, Mister Hood,” he says, faux cheerily. “What brings you here tonight?” Despite himself, Tim snorts. “Patrol. Isn’t it past your bedtime?” The boy bristles, a scowl on his face. “I don’t think that’s any of your business,” he says brashly—but there’s a slight waver to his tone, and his gaze darts down to one of Tim’s guns. Tim is still impressed. If he wasn’t so unnerved, he’d be a damn good liar. “I think it is,” Tim says conversationally. He leans against the alley wall, hoping to put the kid at ease at least a little. “You know, you have me at a disadvantage. You know my name, but I don’t know yours.” The boy fidgets for a second, and says, with conviction, “Peter.” Tim just nods, despite being sure it’s a lie. It’s almost definitely his ‘working name’, which turns Tim’s stomach. He ignores it. “Well, Peter—I don’t know if you’ve heard, but… I’ve got a bit of a thing against children standing street corners.” The boy looks shifty again, before screwing his face in something like disgust. “What, the Red Hood’s against loitering now?” Tim laughs, amused again despite himself. It feels… good. Makes him conscious of just how little he’s been laughing lately. “You know damn well that’s not what I meant,” he says, amused. “But, sure, kid, I’m against loitering. And I think you and I need to have a chat.” The kid’s face turns ashen. Tim winces, and immediately reassures him— “You’re not in trouble. I’m not going to hurt you.”

a snippet from pack ->

There’s something wrong with Jason’s nest. No matter how many times he readjusts it, it’s still... lacking. It shouldn’t be. It has more bedding than Jason has ever had access to in his life, making it just as plush as he’d always craved. There are lots of blankets, too, soft and thick and warm. And the nest is drenched in his scent. No one would stumble upon it and think it had been abandoned. But it’s still— Wrong. Jason whines, deep in his chest. It’s loud, louder than he could usually afford to be, living on the streets or at home, but he doesn’t care. He’s tired and sore and he just wants to rest, but he can’t, because his nest is wrong and bad and he doesn’t know how to fix it. It isn’t fair! He climbs out of it. Maybe he can tell what’s wrong with it if he looks at it differently. Moving backwards, towards the window, he tilts his head. From here, he can see the problem. His nest is big—empty. A little omega like himself isn’t nearly enough to fill it. Jason frowns. And then he hears footsteps. They sound like they’re a few rooms away, but it’s all Jason needs to remember—he’s not alone. There’s an alpha here, too! An alpha who gave him such nice nesting material to work with, and a good den to build in. So why isn’t the alpha in here with him? …had Jason been bad? He doesn’t remember being bad, but… it would make sense. Jason is always bad. Mama and some of his teachers had disagreed, but they’d been the only ones. His sire was always mad at him for something, and after mama died, well— Jason’s done a lot of bad things now, and maybe it was because he had to, but— It doesn’t matter. Most of it still makes him feel awful. Jason slumps a bit. He doesn’t want to be bad. He wants to be good, and to curl up in his nice plush nest with the alpha that’s been so good to him. Oh! Of course! The nest! Surely, once the alpha sees how comfortable and plush Jason’s nest is, he’ll want to stay, and he won’t be mad anymore. Or at least he’ll be willing to give Jason a chance. Brightened, he climbs back into the nest, swaddling a blanket around his shoulders. He takes a breath and then pack calls, trying not to sound too needy. (His sire had never liked needy pups.) The apartment quiets—not that there had been much noise before. Jason waits, holding still and trying to be patient. He’s rewarded by the steps resuming, though this time drawing closer. The alpha raps on the door, and waits for Jason to respond with another, softer, call before he finally enters. Jason whuffs in greeting, pleased. The alpha looks… confused, but he smiles at Jason. He can’t be real mad, then—though Jason knows adults are good at hiding that, sometimes—so Jason smiles back. “You’ve built a lovely nest, Jason,” the alpha says, and Jason preens. He knew the alpha would be pleased. It really is a very nice nest. “Alpha,” Jason says, request and demand all in one. He pats the nest. The alpha’s brows raise, just a little; and then his mouth twists. Jason’s stomach sinks. “I don’t… know if that’s a good idea,” the alpha says slowly. Jason can’t help it. He whines. His sire always hated it when he got whiny, but— He’s tired and sore and he just— He wants— “Please? I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I promise!” The alpha’s face crumples, and he immediately drops to his knees beside the bed. His arms raise, as if to hold Jason, before dropping again. Jason scrambles forward, another little whine in his throat, and the alpha catches him in his arms, pulling him down into the floor and cradling him. Jason grips tightly to the back of his shirt, burying his face in his neck. He’s warm, and he smells so safe. “Oh, pup,” he murmurs. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to upset you.” He strokes Jason’s curls, swaying them slightly. “I just—” He cuts himself off and sighs, holding Jason a little bit tighter; smelling of guilt, but also enough affection to make Jason warm to his toes. “I would be happy to nest with you, Jason.”

(jaydick) a small kiss (prompt fic)

the full prompt is "a small fleeting kiss which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss". i talked about it (and shared a snippet) here!

(jaysteph) wifejay

kind of like with the first two, this one is also connected to another wip idea on my list xD

a long time ago i read "the honeymoon phase" by kuro49 (as well as crookedspoon's wifey 'verse fics) and it. left an impression. i LOVED the idea and i wanted to write wife!jason stuff for jaytim.

and THEN i was like: you know what else would be fun? jaysteph.

have a snippet ->

Steph’s feet ache. It’s been a long day, and she’s glad to finally be home. Even gladder when she opens the door and smells something absolutely heavenly in the air. “Honey, I’m home,” she calls, shutting the door behind her. She shoulders her coat off, hanging it up with her purse before sitting down to tug off her shoes. “Welcome home, dear,” Jason calls. The warmth in his voice makes her smile. That smile widens when she reaches the kitchen. Jason stands at the stove, wearing a frilly eggplant covered apron. Sheer stockings climb up his legs to hug his thighs. His dress flirts with old-fashioned modesty; the flared black skirt and petticoat falling three inches above his knees. There are accessories she can’t see, but which she knows are there—a golden band wrapped around his finger, and a clutch of pearls around his neck, almost a choker. Almost a collar. Steph plasters herself against his back and hooks her chin over his shoulder. She doesn’t bother resisting the urge to grope his ass through his skirt, delighting in the way he shivers. “What’s cooking?” she asks. “Beef stew,” he says. “And fresh bread. It’ll be out of the oven soon.” Steph kisses his neck. Perfect—gives her some time to slip into something more appropriate. “Good. I’m starving.” She smacks his ass when she pulls away. He sucks in a sharp, surprised breath, an absolutely adorable blush on his face. There’s an extra bounce in her step as she makes her way to the bedroom. She strips, leaving her clothes in a trail on the floor to the closet. Toward the back of it is a set of pressed black slacks, a button up, and a blazer. She picks one of her ties—nearly all of them purple—and then grabs a sports bra and a pair of purple boxers from her drawers. After a moment’s thought, she puts on her harness, too. She leaves the tie crooked on purpose, and makes sure to rumple her clothes, to better sell the idea she’s been wearing them all day. The outfit is completed with a small, gold band; twin to the one on Jason’s finger. God, Steph loves wife nights.

[ wip ask game ]

[sometimesiammybpd]

quick mention: i have already written one post somewhat on being aromantic. i honestly forgot about this, but here's that if you wanna read. this will cross over on certain things i've mentioned there and other posts because of the more general topic. don't mean to repeat myself, but this is all still so new to me and i want to understand it better and this helps /gen.

this post is gonna be both about what it's like to have hypersexuality, but also what it's like for me as someone who is aromantic because to me they go hand in hand. not great at intros lmao.

anyways hi. not really in the bestest of moods while writing this, so i apologize if it comes off a bit brash or something. idk. it's 5 (almost 6) am for me when writing so like. that's probably why. probably. i wanna talk about being aromantic first because that's the more complicated one for me personally and it's the one that honestly still bothers me. i didn't realize i was aromantic until this year. more specifically, a few months ago. for, i think 3 years now, i'd assumed i was demiromantic because i thought i was still having crushes on people. real "i could imagine my entire life with you" crushes, which i wasn't. that i'll go into obviously. but as i've spent time looking back on things because of all that just falls into place for me with the aro label, i realize it wasn't there from the start. don't get me wrong though. crushes were not common for me as a kid.

i really do think i was demiromantic until about a year ago. because when i was younger, i didn't feel anything towards anyone. i didn't even think i had a sexuality because i didn't like girls or boys. there's stuff i won't get into right now, but by late elementary - early middle, i was getting bullied heavily and they were starting to get so fixated on who likes who and all that bullshit. which did come back to me because at certain points, they would walk to me and ask who i liked. if i didn't have an answer, they'd bully me more. so i started to keep a mental list of sorts. it's creepy to say honestly, even with context, but this is what worked because it was either this or just have everything get worse. it wasn't anything bad, i would just choose a girl and she'd be my "crush" should they ask. each year would be a different girl and it was just to not have things get worse (they eventually did anyways). but by like 7th grade, i thought it was just normal. i mean. kinda. i wanted to believe it was, but this was also when i started to spiral for the first time and so i was already deep into self-hatred, self-destructive tendencies, shit like that. so not only could it NOT be normal according to my mind but if i wasn't the person i was, maybe it'd be different. shit like that.

8th grade was the first time i ever did feel a crush on someone. and i knew it was actually a crush and not some confused emotion. it was towards my closest friend at the time and lasted years. i think when i first started to bring this (the realization of being aro) up to my friends, i stuck this under the "hyperfixation" category, which it was. but it was also a real crush. and honestly, it was the first time i ever felt normal. because normal people get crushes and want to date. that's what i was always told and that's what i thought needed to happen. and it led me to pursue her for longer than i ever should have. she couldn't date because of her parents but there's no way in hell i would have been a good partner at the time anyways. regardless, i pursued it through sophomore year of high school. the history between me and her is too rough to talk about outside of that, but yeah. and i think i know why. i mention wanting to feel normal a lot. at the time i really did. because to me, i didn't know myself. i grew up heavily conservative and christian (although the christianity part never stuck) and it really did form a mental relationship between feeling the way i did and stuff like being gay or bi that was so unhealthy. as i went through high school, the friends i met pushed me further left which did help when it came to this. because i remember watching love, simon at 15 (i liked the movie so shut it /hj) and watching him fall in love at the end, i cried. because i wanted that. but honestly i don't know if i did at the same time.

it all felt so unreasonably scary and outside of the unnamed friend, i never felt anything towards anyone like that. at least until jake entered the picture (fake name, separate post coming later). for the quickest context, he was 19 when i met him and by this point around 20-21. i fell in love with him. i don't even know why but i really did. multiple times. it was the first time i couldn't get rid of a crush, which was a new and very NOT fun experience. and when we finally did date, it was three days of him refusing to talk to me and then breaking up with me and blaming me. it was not fun. i think this was the first time that something romantic fucked me up because i didn't really trust anyone after this until i met nathan. and if you read the post about him, you know how that went. point being, that fucked me up more. and then i had another friend after nathan and before the one i met through bumble that also fucked me up more. and that's kinda what got me to want to write this post in the first place outside of the hypersexuaity part (comes later). i know i said in the last post how unsure i felt about relationships. and i won't say that's not untrue, but i have my answer.

i don't think i want to be in a relationship. i like being alone. i like being by myself and doing what i want. i care about everyone so much, but that feeling people say you get when you wanna do anything for your partner . . . i just don't get. i didn't really get it with nathan even though we were together for long enough and i did feel something towards him. but i never got that feeling. i did a lot for him and it was mainly because i natually have a similar instinct to help anyone because it's just who i am. but like i like my routine and for some reason, it actually makes me upset at times to imagine changing it for a relationship. i don't even know why but i'm kinda just accepting it. i'm not the most likable person and i know that also affects my "chances," as it usually gets labeled. i still have a lot of bad habits and toxic behaviors that i'm working to change but i know it turns a lot of people off of me than i'd want.

but i don't care, tbh in the romantic sense. it's so weird to try to explain to people that i don't feel things like that. i came to a realization a couple months back when i figured out the hyperfixations getting confused for a crush shit. it made so much sense to me when i learned the possibility of that with people with adhd and shit. and it just blew my mind.

until one of my closest friends at the time labeled it as weird and said i'm not normal for feeling like that. that got to me. i didn't expect someone that close to me to respond like that. at that point i hadn't even figured out the aromantic label yet and moreso if it was fitting for me. but that made me almost not want to. because i felt like i wasn't normal enough to deserve to get the answer. it really really hurt coming from them which only made it worse. but i eventually pushed through by myself and came to aromantic. it took me a long time to actually confidently say it because i kept thinking i was demi. i kept mixing hyperfixations up left and right (that didn't even last long enough to really count) and it kept making me wonder if maybe i still could feel that way. honestly, i don't discount it permanently. no one knows what the future holds.

anyways, yeah.

the only reason i'm so concerned about labels isn't because i have something to prove or whatever. it just. i have felt hopeless my entire life because everything others felt or did, i was the opposite. and most of it being not on purpose too made it infinitely worse mentally. it dragged me down because i thought i'd never get answers. and honestly, i wonder sometimes what my child self would think now about me. i really wonder. to be fair, they'd probably ask why i'm even still alive but yknow.

the point why i'm writing a second post on being / feeling aromantic isn't to retell what i already had written. i completely forgot i wrote that original post until half-way through writing this AND i only found it by complete accident lmao. EITHER WAY. what i really wanted to write about was the way my brain mixes up hyperfixations as crushes and what that feels like to me. because all of what i wrote prior to this was supposed to be context but i'm a yapper. to me, it doesn't feel like a hyperfixation until it's over. and i'll be real and say that i don't honestly even know what a real crush is supposed to feel like. when i started to like nathan, i only noticed because of things like how he was the only person i was talking to. or how my mood was starting to be affected by how he was doing. or how i really did want to spend every second of my life with him (which was a rare thought but it was there for a moment). stuff like that. and even now i'm not sure if it was a crush or just a really long hyperfixation. because to me, hyperfixations are things i want to spend every moment on. things i can't stop thinking about. sometimes they do affect my mood in ways that are hard to explain. i mean, this entire thing is hard as fuck to explain but yknow. and what made it more complicated was a lot of the "hyperfixation-crushes", or whatever the hell you wanna call them, started going away insanely fast. right before i realized i was most likely aromantic, i thought i had a crush on three different people. all three started and ended within 6 hours and it wasn't like how i felt with nathan. it felt like something was there, but it was almost unreachable. and the more i tried, the more it went away until suddenly it felt like i snapped out of something and woke up. and it was gone. like i know that sounds dramatic as hell, but that's how it felt. that's genuinely how it felt / feels for me.

and i remember trying to explain this to my friends . . . and they dismissed it and called me weird. which hurt. it wasn't like a big insult but this was me trying to figure myself out. and the friends whom said they would be supportive as they were queer themselves dismissed me and said that it wasn't real. i still don't understand myself. i still don't understand what got me here or where i fall on the spectrum where labels do and don't matter (they matter right now for me because i've had no answers for so fucking long). i still don't understand most of me and everything and. i don't know.

it's hard to talk about. it's hard to be honest and open because it makes me feel like. i'll never be accepted. which is unfortunately how i've felt my entire life growing up how i did but that's for another post. either way.

this is honestly a topic i don't see a proper way to transition into, but i wanna talk about having hypersexuality as someone with bpd who is also aro. because let me just say that it's hell. i mean, i doubt it has anything with my capability to form or not form romantic thoughts and feelings but. anyways. i haven't had a proper off-period in almost six months and it's killing me. for folks who don't know, depending on the person will depend on the specifics of their hypersexuality (if they have it because i believe while it's common with folks who have bpd, it's not guaranteed). the most common ways it presents though are periods where sex is the only thing they can think about and usually will lead one to do anything they can to get sex, even if it means putting themselves in harms way. the other way it presents is of utter disgust towards anything sexual to a point where they usually don't even feel the need to masturbate because it's just. too much. i have been fucking stuck in the first way for almost half a god damn year. and it's so so so painful.

because a lot of days for me, i wake up and just feel horny. and so i do what i need to do and it's not enough. and i ironically don't get good enough luck on any hookup apps to actually "put myself in harms way" as i put it (or effectively ignoring any warning signs because sex). so i end up averaging out at five or six times (masturbation) because i got no responses and nothing else is working. and it's a living hell because when it kicks in, it kicks in. and there's nothing i do besides have sex or something to get it to stop. like it doesn't matter what i was doing. my brain just shuts off. i literally get a feeling of like being so uncomfortable because all i want to do is have sex. i don't remember when or if i last had an off period. because i think back to a moment when i was eighteen. i mentioned it slightly in my introduction post, but when i was eighteen i signed up for grindr. at this point, i was already relieving myself 2-3 times a day minimum and some going up to 4-5. and when i got on grindr, i was actually looking for a long-term relationship. i don't remember that lasting long before i realized i could use it for hookups and eventually dropped my walls and said fuck it. and this is where i need to mention two things. the main event and the way i approach(ed) hookup apps.

the way i approach(ed) hookup apps once i dropped the "i want a relationship" thing was that i had / still kinda have no regard for safety. all i wanted to know was that they weren't like 55, had a decent member, and if they'd be down to fuck. i ask now, but at the time i didn't even ask for stds or anything of the sort. when i get on a hookup app, i lose a complete sense of time. not because i want to, but because i become so horny all i can fuckin think about is finding someone. anyone. there's been times where my body starts shaking because of it. it's awful. but yeah, i had no sense of making sure it was safe for me to do. which also pissed everyone off because i was also so forward with what i wanted that i was impatient and desperate and all that. i'm not proud of it, but half the time it feels like i literally cannot help it. it's something else that's so difficult to explain (or unfortunately get some to believe). but that leads into the main event.

the "main event" was the moment that this all came crashing down on me. i found a guy on grindr who said he'd be willing to let me top and he'd give me head and all the lot. i was down and we exchanged pictures and he told me where he was located. the one stipulation he had was that i needed to pay for him to get some weed. i was desperate, so i agreed. i went to my mom, lied and said i was meeting friends from college, and then drove off to cincinnati after going to the bank to get the money. before i go any further, i am a bottom LOL. i also didn't really know my identity then and while i don't particularly hate my biological parts, i am not proud of it. this was a rare occasion. anyways. i picked up the guy and immediately, he gave me meth-head vibes which did make me a little nervous. at the same time, i completely did not care because we were gonna fuck. i gave him the money and he offered to blow me while i drove him to his dealer's. i declined because i could barely focus on driving as it was. once we got there, he got out and said he'd be a minute. i left my car running in the in-between mode where it uses your battery but no gas. a few minutes go by and he texts me saying he was making sure he was cleaned out and was sorry for it taking so long. i got like one text after this and then he disappeared entirely. i waited for hours longer than i should have because it was like 9:30 i think when i left and was 11, almost 12 am by this point. so i finally said fuck it and was gearing to leave...

until i realized my car had completely died. yeah. the in-between state didn't feel so smart now lmao. my mom was panicking because i wasn't home. i was starting to freeze because it was like 32 degrees F outside. i had this big comforter in my trunk and that did nothing! it was to a point where my body was physically shaking because it had lost that much heat. i had no heater i could run, nowhere to go. it was the scariest moment of my life. and at this point, 2 - 3 am. finally AAA comes and jumps my car and i get home at around 3 am. it took me the entire car ride with the heater blasting to even feel my hands again. not my body, just hands. it was bad. and i do admit, i wouldn't do it again. i've been a lot more careful now than before.

but it's not just hookup apps. for me, hypersexuality ruins relationships. nathan and i were never going to work out, but the second i had to start seeing him in a more sexual nature, it was done for. and i will never forgive myself for that. and it's never changed. if i had a close relationship with anyone and it became sexual, it'd be over. and this is what really makes me feel so abnormal. cause i hate it so much. i fucking hate feeling so horny that i almost mentally shut down or the willingness to almost end my life for maybe sex. or ruining relationships because no matter how hard i try, all i can think about is us fucking. it's my living hell. i genuinely feel like some days i can't even get anything done because i just can't stop feeling horny. even though i don't even have it in me physically to have sex, it won't stop or go away.

this post is way too long lmao. but yeah that's me sharing more than i ever thought i would. if this helps someone even just by putting into words maybe what you thought wasn't possible, then i'm glad /gen. i just wish it didn't make going day by day so unnecessarily difficult. like as if it wasn't hard enough

[memberment]

Gooodmorrrning

I have been shit at updating due to my hellstorm of past few days. HOWEVER.

I am awake literally three hours before I'm supposed to be so we may get some early morning updates because I can't fall asleep and work actually just ruined my sleep schedule so I need to cope by writing fanfic LMAO

guys its 537 pm I forgot to update this morning but Im on chapter three of SOMETHING

also Im still awake

Like I actually wanna sleep rn so I can keep writing and I cant fall asleep like what do I do???? LMFAO

8:34pm: Hi guys good fucking morning I fell asleep for like 2 hours and then spent the last one being a menace and learning Rush E (I don't know how to play the piano)

My iPad is charging so I can post my genesis square SO I CAN POST GENESIS TN

BC I NEED TO GET BACK INTO THE GENESIS GROOVE BC THERES SO MUCH GROUND TO COVER.

Um. A Girl and Her Dog is at 5.6k. I've decided it's gonna be short. Probably like eight chapters. And I'm going to quote the following text I just sent regarding it, because I genuinely think it might be the funniest thing I've said regarding any of my fics.

'LIKE rn I think I’m settled on kicking out horror comedy and it just being like some morbidly cute fluff adjacent thing that starts with cannibalism' which was immediately followed up by, 'And why am I wrong for that????'

Just know I'm laughing really hard because who the fuck do I think I am??? But yeah I may or may wind up banging out that entire fic tonight bc of how short it's gonna be so uhhhhh. If I can lock in (I'm struggling) updates on that tonight?

Then, I truly don't know. I think I have settled on my ten fics. Contributions have been considered. There's a google doc.

I might fuck around and work on Princess of Fire bc I gen want to start really working on that. That and Resurrection are the only behemoths I don't have anything for yet and I need to get on those.

WHO KNOWS THOUGH. WE'LL FIND OUT!!!!

(8:51) I am currently going through the trials and tribulations of writing 1k worth of someone STARING AT SOMEONE.

Let's see if I can do this successfully.

(3:27am) I somehow lost several hours but I updated Genesis so it's fine. LMAOOO. A Girl is at 6.8k. 10k more to go???? Ish?????? I think I may got it. idk dudes. Kinda wanna read something bc a new chapter is up & I am going feral over it🫶🏻

but also I know that's gonna turn into me reading like six things and getting nothing done LMFAOOO

(5:19) I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE TIME KEEPS GOING LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON????????

I'm at 8.6 though. I keep just like??? Walking away?????? From my screen???? I'm literally not even doing anything I'm just existing. And am now just remembering I forgot to post Desolation.

Whoops. Looks like I'm doing that????

It's 7am. And I posted Desolation. And The End. And then realized people actually have subs on for me and I am definitely spamming the shit out of people. IF YOU APPLY TO THIS STATEMENT, MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES LMFAOOO I FORGOT THAT WAS A THING.

I am going back to A Girl and pretending that I can concentrate.

[just-a-carrot]

[SPOILERS FOR OUR CINDERELLA, GENZOU'S ROUTE]

Hey, Carrot!

I managed to finally find the time to finish all the routes of OC, and I LOVE IT🤧🤧💜

You nailed the shoujo intro song and ending, btw, instantly had a smile on my face when I heard them🤣🤣

I was giggling with all the silly combos. Definitely going to replay to get every single one of them.

I was also looking up words to understand some of Orlam's messages (one of which was listed as "archaic" in the dictionary, btw LMAOOO). He's so weird when it comes to vocabulary, I love him😌🤣🤣

Also, that one chat about miniature Genzou was so cute it had me screaming😭😭. It reminded me of this ask:

And I was ecstatic when I saw the Iggy pose I suggested, I love it so much!!🤧🤧🤧

It was really touching when Gen said that he wouldn't change a thing about him for anything in the world and Iggy started CRYING 😭😭😭. The same thing with other times he's said it in the main game. That one sentence always gets me for some reason🥹🥹

Also, the little post-credit scenes were sooo sweet!!! I gasped with the first one that I got, wasn't expecting it at all🤧🤧

AHHHHHHHHHH thank you for sending this in with your thoughts??? Ahhhfdkgjadkfad I'm very touched AND VERY HAPPY YOU ENJOYED IT GUHHHHH 😭💕

LMAO ABOUT ORLAM'S VOCABULARY BEING ARCHAIC sounds about right... He uh... you know... he just has a very varied and interesting vocabulary~ 😌

HELP I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT DOODLE HAHAHAHAHA sob that's so real. I'M GLAD YOU LIKE HOW THAT ONE IGGY POSE TURNED OUT LAKDJFAD It was such a cute suggestion I couldn't resist (and also adding the variation for if you have Oswald teehee 🤭)

I'm really happy you liked Genzou's ending so much... it was the one that made me tear up a lot while working on it 💦 My heart can barely take it 💦💦

At any rate, I'm so glad you ended up liking the game so much!! It means so much you'd take the time to tell me your thoughts about it 😭💕 I'm so happy in general with how much people are enjoying it!! This game feels so special to me for some reason ladkjfas so I'm both really nervous but also really excited to have people finally be able to play it 🥺

[oleander-nin]

"I will use this knowledge to find you/lhj."

Damn I. Forgot that was evidence. Hmm. Oops. Every day I get a little more nervous you'll find me lmao. I'm doing a couple things to try and intentionally throw you off (without outright lying), but in the process I'm noticing there's so much more I keep forgetting about. I keep thinking that you'll find me any day now because I'm still being obvious lol.

I am definitely having fun watching from the sidelines though. I love when you talk about "Comet" in discord. I'm grinning the whole time. I love being secretive and anonymous this is so fun. /gen

YOU'LL NEVER FIND ME-

"I follow 256 blogs! Some of the blogs I love are @/chaoticspeedrun, @/lordfreg, @/dollyrin, @/lynnarty, @/yanteetle, and @/regretisstoredintheme"

256- MY GOD I THOUGHT I FOLLOWED A LOT

Woah I already follow most of them :D (Not gonna give away which because. Hyperaware of giving evidence now lol) I'll check out the two I haven't! But also not too soon because once again. Possible evidence.

"I made a big collection of 'tmnt tattoo victims'. My PFP was just the first one I had ever made. My banner is another!"

TMNT TATTOO VICTIMS OH MY GOD- It sounds like some horrible crime when you say it like that jdjfkkfdn

Glad the Doctor's went well!

- ☄️

Oh, I'm like, 57% sure I know who you are! I'm collecting more evidence for myself, but it's fun lol. You talk very distinctly<3. (However, that fact relies on whether or not I've actually spoken to you on discord, which I technically have no clue if I have lol). This is so much fun for me you have no idea. I love playing detective.

Yeah, I like following people😭. but now I can't get through my dash in one sitting😒

I 'tattooed' a cat too lmao. It was a huge joke between me and my friends and I'd tattoo someone new every couple of weeks.

Me too! Thank you!

[seelestia]

OMG THE NEW NAVIA THEME IS SO CUTE??? i think it's safe to say that you definitely cooked, lia hehe >:3 /lh /gen

anyways! that's pretty much what it is when it comes to college and frankly? i just wanna get it over with like literally the only highlight to it is seeing my friends and spending time with my boyfriend 😭 but!! a social science major sounds cool! i'd say you have some pretty good goals set in mind and you can always take up a minor if you want to pursue the others :> (i did consider having music as a minor) and sure! the courses depend on what you pick really and the college/professor, online is just about the same as in-person if you have a lot of reading on a pc to do tbh. english classes are well. kind of like the ones in high school but college-leveled. just make sure you give yourself enough time to do assignments bc they can be painful :"D

HELP LMAO??? okay that's true though, the fontaine quest definitely made a splash and we really had to dip our toes in the water with it huh? anyway thats kind of the thing, the only similarity between bedo and lyney is that they actively flirt with me in their own way, and its funny bc i usually try to find someone whose personality complements mine bc im generally the quieter one compared to both (ah yes a reality tv show for me HJEKAHD) also yea! i think both of them really do have traits that make them stand out and frankly i wish they got more screentime (also i have yet to watch the 4.6 trailer ehehe)

same here to you!! i'm always happy to rattle off of your hcs and i enjoy talking about our selfships as well hehe (*^ω^*) and i love it when bedo calls me his "sweet violet",,like the way he says it is just so endearing? like the pitch of his voice always becomes softer and more affectionate jsjdksndj (yk its funny, my boyfriend does the same thing with me bc his nicknames are unique to me as well)

also i'm throwing another ramble at ya: imagine wanderer or ayato surprising you with breakfast in bed HEHEHEHE

awh thats oki! like i said, i'm always happy to indulge your selfships since i enjoy hearing about them :> /gen. honestly i wouldn't be surprised if wanderer did knock you softly on the head for thinking the flowers were from yato ajjdkshd (nah just put the hairpin in before he gets a chance /hj /lh) also i forgot to tell u im a sucker for floriography so i methinks wanderer could give you camellias which represent everlasting love. the hairpin ayato gives you is unique in design and had it specially made for you alone :3

and i quote from my irl friend: "bouncing off the walls gf x completely stoic unmoving statue bf" HDJAKDHSJ NOT ONLY THAT SHE COMPARED HIM TO A PIECE OF FURNITURE BC OF HOW STIFF HE IS IN PICTURES (but hey i give him credit for a cute smile <3) and he is very much a pretty boy even though he tries to deny it until i accept that he calls me pretty too BUT YEA QUITE LITERALLY OPPOSITES ATTRACT anyway pretty much, not all relationships are like yk. sunshine and rainbows so thats why i feel very grateful to have a healthy one. if anything, we're just both trying to do our best to make one another happy but thankies hehe (also nw! i dont think u sound like a grandma, i just like hearing u ramble ehhehe)

also im not rlly sure why ppl think 20 is old either like dang, sure my back hurts on occasion but i'm not a fossil 😭

AHHH THANK U, VI!! so it seems you agree that i... baked? :3c /lh HAHAHA navia is so sweet and silly. i just have to make her my theme! (++ as a homage to her for carrying me in spiral abyss 🫣) since i do put in effort whenever i do theme changes, it makes me happy to know others like it <3

i'll have you know that i'm a true enabler of dad jokes & puns. throw 'em at me! which reminds me: how does albedo react to your jokes? for me, ayato just thinks it's funny that i find them funny (he pats me on the head afterwards - A+ for effort). wanderer is just the epitome of unimpressed and sometimes, he'd even pull on my cheek a little if the joke is extremely unfunny LOLLL. the only one who'd ever indulge me is mr. shikanoin heizou ( ｡ •̀ ᴖ •́ ｡) oh, woe is me!!! /lh

i see! ty for the perspective, vi <3 i'm gonna find it nostalgic to look back on this convo after i went to college. tho assignments really are a staple of uni life, huh? one of the times i thank highschool for instilling the habit of “work first, play later” in me. i imagine it's gonna be more painful however so i'll need to juggle rest & work 😭 hope you're holding up with yours!! <3

THAT'S CUTE!! i find it so funny that albedo himself is the paradigm for introverts but when it comes to flirting with people he finds intriguing, he's not here to play LMAO. how does he act 〜suave〜 so naturally?? smh i need those skills too /hj. lyney on the other hand... he takes it as an achievement if he manages to fluster you! the sleight of the hand is his bread & butter but he's good with his words just as well, no? voila! ✧ i am biting my fist UWAGHH. i am head over heels for the 'speaks to you / says your name in a softer voice' thingy but to witness it first-hand??? i'm so happy for you 🤭

WWHWHWHWH. ayato usually has the maids prepare our meals so he probably tells them to make it extra special. unfortunately, i'm more of a night owl than an early riser so by the time he brings the tray onto the bed, i'm just looking at him all groggy LOL. he thinks it's cute, taps my cheek and teasingly asks if this is all a ruse to get him to spoon feed me.... this man /aff. wanderer tho is a good cook so he does not play around with food or breakfast! but it's gonna take lots of coaxing to have breakfast in bed since “if it spills on the mattress, i'll demote you to the floor for a day.” i tell him about the existence of trays but he's still adamant. no fun 💔 /j

CAMELLIAS?! those happen to be one of my fav flowers!!! and the meaning too... i'm ahhdjwjejw /pos. he would tho!! wanderer canonically like wandering off in nature (oh, dearest sumeru), i think he picks flowers to bring back home. but sometimes, he'd rather observe them from afar: they're fleeting, after all. so he might as well leave them be to bloom to their fullest. yk.... i should buy some seeds these days and make a garden of our own. maybe it could be a surprise for him oooooo mhm mhm!! wbu?? does albedo or lyney indulge in making you breakfast in bed too hehe :3c (for lyney, i'm willing to bet lynette sponsored that breakfast /j)

NOT THE FURNITURE POSE HAHAA 😭

“smile!”

vi: 🌸🌷🎀🩷

bf: 🚪🚪🚪

/j but we appreciate the effort!!! i'm also not vv photogenic myself so i can relate badly with the furniture pose LMAO 😔 i prefer taking pictures of others instead! ayato is really photogenic. this is what happens when you deal with paparazzi /j & wanderer can be photogenic too but only in candid. he does not like staring at the camera. what a grumpy cat /aff +++ i saw the picrew you sent me! VI IT'S SO ADORBS AHHHH feel free to share more picrews of you & your f/o's anytime! i love love love them ☆૮꒰ˊᗜˋ* ꒱ა /gen !!!!

[fainthedcherry]

Posting 2 shiptobers bc I left off at day 12, skipping 11 I think it was or 10 for now, bc 4 characters are BIT much for a single day until crap hit the fan w/ lacking time to draw due to my IRL job adfskjfodslg,,

Day 6 - Baking and / or cooking (Anisa & Mark ft. THE ULTIMATE BBY, Marco)

Day 7 - Giving / Receiving kisses (Chiri and my own design of Jackson Jekyll from Monster High, that is a combination of my own stuff, inspiration from fan-re-designs and also Hollowed-Hartlocke's redesign more heavily!)

I FORGOT TO MENTION ON THE PRIOR POST, THAT THE SHIPTOBER LIST I'M USING IS ALSO FROM MY FRIEND, HOLLOWED-HARTLOCKE ON DEVIANTART!!! Go check it out, in casee you wanna do it next year or somth, god knows I won't finish mine like I know myself jkgjksdg

I'M NOT GONNA SAY MUCH AS I'M DRAWING AS WE SPEAK WHILST I POST THIS AND EQUALLY TRYING TO POST TO INSTA RN LMAO. Tags take the longest and I damn tags for existing to hell for it sdflksdglkds. CATCHING UP IS VERY VERY DIFFICULT.

BUT I WANNA SAY I'VE NEVER REGRETTED DRAWING CHIBIS TO CATCH UP EASIER AND FASTER. SO I MIGHT JUST DO A CHIB-POCALYPSE TO CATCH UP UNTIL DAY 15. I set my goal to possibly catch up to day 15 but let it be after that or else Ill start to stress myself which is a BAD idea sdfklsdlkg

LET'S HOPE I WILL CATCH UP THO. I AM INBETWEEN THAT PUTTING TOO MUCH EFFORT INTO INKDRIANTOBER. The moment I got nothing to post for, I'm getting out the inkdriantober posts sdfklsdlg

I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH SHARING A POSITIVE THING; I actually heavily adore my Jackson redesign, even if y'all are only seeing it in chib-form sdflksklgds, I COULD post my monster high doodle refs after this, bc it'd be neat to attract some monster high lovers, I can just discuss w/ on who's the best ghoul out there, no matter the gen LMAO. Maybe some posts of my Jackson doll that arrived a good while ago might also help attract an audience I'd love to talk and banter with, and draw for even, if some day I'll be recognized enough, to do those fun Tumblr asks, I wanted to do since I'm a teenager!!! IT'D BE A DREAM TO DO TUMBLR ASKS ABOUT CANON CHARACTERS OR OCS. I love Tumblr asks so much, the best fandom stuff spawns out of them, ngl...

Btw my Jackson redesign is based on G1..But that might be obvious to- already Monster High fans LOL, but to those who don't know, MH is split into 3 gens, and gen 3 has no Jackson yet. Some people say, that Komos IS Jackson but Iiii doubt that sdfklsdlgk, ANYWAY I GOTTA HURRY AND GET BACK TO ART SORRY FOR RAMBLING I HAVE TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.

[thefourchimes]

For the Fic Ask Game: 🥭🍇🥝

My bad for the late answer! Here we go:

🥭 Rank from most enjoyable/fun to write to least: Fluff, Smut, Angst, Crack.

Definitely Angst, Fluff, Crack, then Smut

I'd argue angst and fluff are tied, with crack being second only because I don't actually know how to write it intentionally (or more accurately, if the thing I write is even funny at all), but if I had it my way, it'd be a three way tie because I love all of them so much and it's fun to write for all of them when I can

And then there's smut—as mentioned before, I'm personally uncomfortable writing it, not to mention I don't even know how to 💀

🍇 Is there a particular scene/episode/book/etc that you want to just write a million fics about, over and over? Which one?

Oooh, this is an interesting one...I'm not fully sure if there's a specific one off the top of my head, as I just go with vibes and ideas out of the blue for the things I write

Though I guess Casita's fall scene and my love for the cool sisters spawned that one time travel au I thought about with how the two older cool sisters get sent back to the past after going back for Mirabel as Casita falls and protecting her, but I haven't made any progress with it recently

I also have this funny thing when I enter a new fandom, I sort of have a rite of passage every time of me thinking "is it possible to throw these characters into the underground of Undertale?" that tells me I'm really in deep in a media, hence why the Encanto Undertale AU exists right now

And on a more general note, anything that I'm hyperfixated on will usually always have ideas zooming in and attempting to form, like Encanto is right now

Case in point: my 235 page document of a (super super) self indulgent Encanto AU I'm planning right now (when will Mic ever shut up about this AU? Who knows!)

I probably forgot to mention others, but those are what I can think of atm eheh

🥝 What’s your favorite trope/AO3 tag to write?

Oooh, I got a couple I can think of rn:

Found family (or Friendship tags, and for actual ones that have related family members like Encanto, the actual Family tags, I just love dynamics and platonic relationships so much)

Angst with happy ending

Hurt/Comfort

Any relationship tag with the & because gen and platonic relationships ftw lets go!!

[Insert Character] needs a hug (I may love angst a little too much...)

Also, this is less favorite trope and more just an ao3 tag I like to use because of how convenient it is: "There's a Tag for That"

I sometimes just can't think of the right tag at that moment and couldn't be bothered to then, so that's another one lmao

Again, there are probably others but I can't remember them atm oof

Oh well, thanks for the ask!! :DD <33