#which i did block for my own personal sanity | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vaspider · 4 months ago

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This is the last thing I'm going to post about this. Yes, reblogs are turned off. No, I am not tagging anyone's Tumblr or pointing you towards the people involved: I have them blocked. Do not go bother either one of them.

The Tumblr post I responded to earlier tonight went up before I read the actual response emails, because, well. They were sent while I was AFK, and then the Tumblr post containing Razz's response emails was tagged for me while I was, you know, not working. When I finally got to actually read the emails, I hit this line:

I bought the first heat pack during your sale and it said very explicitly in the emails that you guys would send a random one from your supply, no mention that customers needed to put something else in their cart.

Emphasis mine.

And at the point where someone's just fully making stuff up rather than admitting they fucked up, I'm done. So. In the name of my own sanity, I issued a full refund for this order, and:

Hi Razz,

Since you and your friend decided to take this conversation to Tumblr in the 3 or so hours I was AFK spending time with my partners, I hadn't actually gotten an opportunity to go back and read these emails. The first time I saw them was not in my inbox but idly scrolling Tumblr while petting my dog at 11 PM with your friend's, uh… commentary on them. Your assumption that I was condescending and calling you stupid rather than that I'm autistic and speak very precisely is very interesting, in context, and skipping over me saying 'I'm baffled' and 'I'm genuinely confused' to call that 'I think you're stupid' and all of the other really shitty commentary your friend put on those emails is… well, it's a choice. And at first I thought this must be someone out of pocket and white-knighting for you so I was not going to hold you to account for what they said, but then when I went to go block them, I saw your comments, and your posts, so. Yeah, that's fun and cute.

Anyway, the email absolutely did not "explicitly say" that we would be picking from our stock. What it said was, as follows:

"Emet just spent a week going through our entire stock of fabric, adding all of the new patterns & figuring out which designs must be discontinued since the fabrics can't be ordered anymore. She's got all of the closeout heat & cold packs prepped - ready to fill & ship - and you can get one of the discontinued prints FREE with the purchase of any regular-price heating pad, no code required! When they're gone, they're gone, so don't wait! Order by December 14th for domestic heat & cold pack delivery estimated by 12/24."

This section is followed by a selection of 9 New Heat & Cold Pack Patterns, labeled "New Heat & Cold Pack Patterns," followed by another section marked "Closeout Options!" which had 5 of the then 15-20 Closeout patterns, all labeled with CLOSEOUT at the front of the name.

After this was our legally-required footer with our mailing address and the unsubscribe link.

Nowhere in there does it explicitly say that we will be picking the item for you. In fact, it says "you can get one of the discontinued prints free," which would seem to imply you need to pick something.

I'm not sure why I should have assumed that sending you a screenshot would be something inaccessible to you when you… sent me a screenshot. Nobody said you were incompetent. Nobody said you were stupid. Nobody said blind people can't take screenshots. I mean, you took a screenshot of the email that you said explicitly said something it does not at all say, so clearly you personally can take a screenshot, and find that to be a useful tool in communicating. Why would I have thought that responding in kind would be something inaccessible to you? I haven't a clue, but what I do know is that my wife just walked downstairs after her full sleep cycle and said, "Is this still that person?" so … yeah.

I've refunded this order & closed your customer account. It's genuinely worth it to me at this point to lose the money so I never again have to deal with a person who chooses to try to tell me falsehoods about the content of an email that I just told you that I wrote. No further responses will be received by any of our staff.

Spider

I’m not going to waste more time reading paragraphs of you insulting me over not understanding your esoteric definition of closeout and deciding that a blind person can’t be blind if they can take a screenshot. I had a simple question, I practically resolved it myself, and between my first email and the next you leapt to conclusions and treated me like dirt for the crime of not having access to information you never provided in am accessible way. I choose to speak with a trusted friend over the situation the same way you would speak to your own partners. it was up to them what they did with your own words. Whatever fallout comes of this is on you. I’ve made sure the blind community is aware of your discrimination and as far as I’m concerned that’s the end of this. I hope your shipping costs I never even asked about were worth the income you've lost from me and my extended community since that tiny amount of money appears to be all you care about.

Razz T.

Razz,

Go away.

#i'm so tired

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luciddreamingstuff · 2 months ago

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Putting That English Degree To Use For Stickmen

[Credit to Dearest Friend for the arts. They do not have an online presence so you won't find em.]

Wooden Pickaxe: Overview.

So, challenge accepted. Disclaimer: just because I have said degree doesn’t mean what I say is the be all, end all. Honestly this is just personal opinion at the end of the day and how I viewed certain choices. I always say: do your own research and come to your own conclusion. In this case? GO WATCH IT! THIS THING IS AN HONEST TO GODS EXPERIENCE IN THE BEST WAYS POSSIBLE!

I’mma be honest, I remember when this series first came out (ie, I’m old by fandom standards) and yeah, I remember the first few episodes, loved it, watched some of the series and then randomly stopped. Honestly a huge mistake on my part because I missed OUT! My closest and dearest friend of a long ass time came in one day and dragged my ass back. And we watched the whole thing until 1 AM my time. But my gods, was it worth it.

It all started with a bunch of stickmen breaking into my beloved game of Minecraft.

And somehow it became a masterpiece.

So I will break this up into sections for my own sanity and give a blurb for each. If you read through all of this, congratulations, there is a plate of cookies at the bottom.

Now for my overall thoughts: it is stickmen, STICK-MEN-IN-MINECRAFT. You couldn’t get more basic than that and yet it became a grand adventure with fantastic character moments, a beautiful score, actions and choices made where words were not used, the lore is awe inspiring and just hits all the storytelling notches that truly make it something that Hollywood is never going to replicate. When I say this is the Minecraft Movie for me? I fucking mean it.

I think there’s a saying, you don’t always need dialogue to tell a story. And the Alan Becker Team did just that.

Stone Pickaxe: Storytelling.

Show, Don’t Tell. Or Showing Versus Telling. You hear this all the time and wonder, what do they mean? There’s a difference between showing your audience what's going to happen versus telling your audience what’s going to happen. If you wanted a visual example of Show Don’t Tell, then look no further than the beloved Color Gang. Show Don’t Tell is something that we should all be practicing. Of course there are times where you do need to tell your audience of what is going on, but your story shouldn’t be all exposition. Let your audience discover the world with the characters. When first starting this series way back when it was just four episodes and not shorts, we got to learn about how everything worked with the Color Gang. After all, they are on cartoon logic with a video game. So we were learning along with them how everything worked and being just as surprised along with them about the key features of this new world so to speak. For those of us who have played the game for years and years, we have our understanding of the mechanics. But of course certain rules are thrown out the window once you apply cartoon logic. If you really want to equate it to something, it felt more like modded Minecraft. Which is perfectly fine. And then later on we get into actual famous mods such as lucky blocks and how they expand on the lore of it. But the lore itself of the Animation vs Minecraft will be discussed later. Anyways, throughout the story, we are mostly showing, not telling, in the literal sense. After all, none of these guys actually speak our language, communicating through gestures and examples. So how much can they actually tell us? Again, in the literal sense, nothing. But when you are talking rhetoric, you can still tell without saying a single word. And in the cases of when we find out the backstories of our main villains, that’s when you ‘tell’ so the characters, and by extension the audience have a greater understanding of why they did what they did.

For Purple, it was told via them explaining to Green why they have to be the best, why they have to be on top. Of course we watch that through the noteblock world and its music. Now we understand motivation and it was built up nicely with dropping hints here and there through their character actions. Purple needed the validation they lacked in their life, so of course they were going to do anything about it, shown through their actions of taking over a village and ruling it over. Of course here comes Blue and Green and it completely messes that up and infuriates Purple. On the other hand, with King Orange, we see why they do what they do through a flashback scene. It's still technically telling us why they are committing these atrocities. And come to find out, the poor guy lost their family member to the game, to the code due to a glitch. All of it makes sense and the reveal is just as delicious. You’re rooting for the guy to be derezzed until he shows care for Purple as the guy had a change of heart and is trying to stop King orange from destroying everything! Once again, a prime example of Showing vs Telling. and then we see the telling, the explanation of why. When you are putting together a story, know when to show, and know when to tell. For some, you might be looking at this and thinking “oh but that’s impossible to do within a written piece of work!” I can assure you it isn’t. Think of it this way, exposition versus character actions. Here’s how I would write out the scene to follow the example of Showing:

“King Orange had it, he finally had it! A chance to change this world, to fix what had been broken, to undo horrific actions taken upon the damned code. The light from the control staff with the game icon tearing up everything around it. Gratification at its finest. No one could stop him, not those damn kids, not anyone! Until he heard it, the whooshing of an elytra. If there’s one thing far more bitter than Nether Wart, is the bitterness of betrayal. And looking down the beam of light, that betrayal came through. Purple fought against the code destruction, pleading and reaching out to the King. Purple had looked up to King Orange, but really Purple was just the perfect pawn. And yet watching their body be torn apart, something flashed in their mind. It hurt, the color changing from Purple to a yellow. The cubes and chunks falling off Purple’s body. Something stirring deep inside. It festered, demanding to be fed like the destruction above.

Why? Why now?

Did they actually care about a subordinate? All of those moments they had together, Purple running around and gathering the colorful gang of warriors. The children that laid before them clinging onto what they had left of their bodies as they were ripped away by the corruption. King Orange felt the bitterness rise up, seeing the one before them change colors. Their heart twisting and shattering over and over as Purpled screamed out at thim to please listen, to stop this. They don’t want to lose King Orange! That they can forget all of this and become something else! If King Orangehadn’t been paying attention, they would have missed the gesture of Father. The word stung so badly, they couldn’t fight it, not anymore. and Purple . . . . Oh maker what have they done!? Purple slowly being ripped apart by their own hands! A monster! The visage from before would have been disappointed. A finally cry out and Purple slowly drifted back, into the void of nothing.

NO! THEY COULDN’T LOSE SOMEONE ELSE! NOT AGAIN!

All of this, all of this had been for something! And instead! another had to suffer, and by their own greed. The staff fell from their hands as they raced towards the dying Purple. How could King Orange let it get this far? What was their goal in the first place? And how many had to suffer to achieve it?! King orange couldn’t let another die to this damn game, they couldn’t make the same mistake twice! A leap of faith as the stream of bright destruction took hold. Their vision disappears, their hand grabbing into Purple and there, the reason for all of this, begins to unfold.”

Give yourself a little more credit, you can absolutely Show through writing, leaving hints. And then we get into the line of tell, where we find out more about our main cast and what had happened to them throughout. That is the art of it all. Tell when necessary, but try to show, let the audience explore this new world with your characters. Just like what we did with the Color Gang. If you ever needed an example of how to show and how to tell, go back and watch this whole thing, especially if you are a visual learner. All the bits and pieces that we might pick up throughout the story are brought forth with an explanation that wraps it all up. The fundamentals of Showing Vs Telling.

The hero’s quest, a journey to return home, all of it interconnecting and mingling with each other. When you break it down to its most basic components, it really isn’t that complex of a story. Of course that’s at the base, and again, that’s not a bad thing. I think what people have forgotten is going back to the roots of stories and things that have already been established is not taboo. Too many things try to be new and exciting and forget the fundamentals. Without the fundamentals of what story we are trying to tell, too many things get lost and it becomes too complex to the point where your audience needs a whole powerpoint presentation just to understand what happened in the worst way possible. Trying to get the surprise on your audience with too many twists and turns? Now your audience is dizzy and the big reveal is not so. A story of progression throughout the choices made with our characters. Don’t forget, at the base of this, you have our main cast coming in and eventually saving the world. They gather their tools and skills throughout the two seasons for it to all build up to the final moment with saving the digital world. Even with our first big bad, Purple, being a first step instead of being the only villain throughout the series. After their defeat, the Color Gang are able to return back to their lives, the interlude of season two, and continue growing their skills. I think what people tend to forget is having the payout be equal to that of the challenge. Fundamental of the Hero’s quest/to save the world that people often forget. You got to have your characters actually be equal to that off the challenge. If you had thrown their season 1 selves at the final boss, they would have been destroyed or have it too far of a stretch to really be enjoyable. Part of the Hero’s quest is that montage that we get with the training arc. And too many want to skip over that, to rush it. I think having season 2 is critical for seeing the growth of our characters. All of it falling into place neatly. If you don’t put up the frames before the walls and roof, it’s all going to collapse.

Iron Pickaxe: World Building.

Okay here is one of my favorite things, World Building. I’d like to think World Building is my bread and butter. But at the end of the day, we’re talking about Stickmen and Minecraft. And somehow you got an amazing world from that. How so? It’s not rocket science I can assure you. But how they did it is truly fantastical! It’s a video game, it’s Minecraft. Sure it can be used as a medium for telling the story. But to use it as a part of the worldbuilding? I think that really is what sets this apart. It uses the mechanics of the game that was already established while twisting it in a way that makes sense. It’s based around the world of the game and the flexibility and imagination. With how they built the world of Minecraft into their story and the purpose it serves as a whole new land to explore, I dare argue that if you tried this with any other game, it would not be the same. What people tend to forget is how integral the world building is and what you can genuinely do with it.

They took the game of Minecraft, added some mechanics here and there but once again kept to the heart of what it is. And that it’s a 16 bit game of blocks. With how they interact with the mechanics of the world, it meshes well with their own cartoon mechanics. And that’s the important part of when you are taking something familiar and putting it into something new. Your world building harmonizing with everything else around it is so, so important. How are you going to make cartoons fit in a game where blocks rule the land? Understand the game and the players at its core. Everything they do in the game itself honestly makes sense to me. They balance out the cartoonyness of it with something you can’t do in the base game. But with the cartoonish effect, such as Green using a fishing pole as a grappling hook? Technically you can do that with players, just not swinging around like Spider-Man. The versatility of minecraft as a sandbox is an absolute key factor here. Minecraft is what you make of it, not just as a medium to tell a story. Those who have figured out how to incorporate the world of minecraft, mechanics and all, within their world building are under-appreciated in my mind. And those who dismiss that brilliant effort do not understand the game at all. And people can tell me it's just a game. When I watch animation vs Minecraft, this is what I mean by it's more than just a game.

Diamond Pickaxe: Characters.

Characters!

Love em, they are perfect, no thoughts.

. . . .

Okay so why are they such fun characters? I think it comes to the fact that they fully fleshed out and getting to see them with all their own moments. For example, we get to see Blue’s personality shine with them brewing potions and . . . . the Nether Wart addition (rehab, we need to get Blue into rehab.) But seeing how they invent their own solutions to problems with their love of potions. And that’s with all the characters, seeing their own quirks come to life to solve a problem. Like Red on the redemption arc and becoming a serious animal lover and all their moments involving an animal. Or how about Green getting into music and having a bit of an ego about it, only to get humbled a few times and learning to share. But likeI said, each character is getting put into a situation where you can see their bits of personalities really coming in handy in certain situations. Of course, the core of each of them being from a fighting game. And even their fighting styles drift from each other. When writing characters and seeing how they interact with others, what makes them stand out? and how well do they work with others? Simple questions to be asking yourself when writing a character. Once you’ve created the character, what makes them stand out from the crowd, if they do at all. Every character has their own unique trait that makes ‘em stand out no matter what. At their core, they are all still friends, with TSC being that pseudo leader still but giving the others a chance to shine. I think what really makes all these characters so special to me is how they balance each other out. How they learn and grow with each other and even on their own, we see how maybe the fiery determination and fierce loyalty excels in one part (think Red in Monster School) versus needing the gentle compassion and listening skills in another situation (Think Green in the Noteblock world with Purple). Because none of the characters speak, there had to be other ways to show their character traits and how it comes in handy. For Red, their loyalty to their friends is also reflected in their actions with his love for animals. Or for Green it was their music, needing to be a sharp listener in order to come up with the different pieces they play. Not to mention they have their fatal flaws as characters, which can be balanced out with another from the group.

No character is perfect, just like how no living creature is perfect. We all have our flaws. And without said flaws, the world would be extremely boring. Yellow is a genius when it comes to Redstone building, very meticulous and their inventions have come in handy. But their flaw can be a desire for perfection. Red can be a bit stubborn, childish even, as evident during the lucky block episode, disregarding any consequences that might come out due to their actions. Blue’s tunnel vision (especially with nether wart) can sometimes leave them without hindsight. You get the idea. A Fatal Flaw is not inherently something bad and that must be fixed. No, the whole point of a Fatal Flaw is to make the character interesting and to give them a challenge. Doesn’t have to be the most serious thing out there. You could have the Fatal Flaw be a phobia of bananas. A perfect person? No. Perfection is arbitrary, there is no such thing. Something can be perfect to you as it meets all your standards. But there will always be some flaw that isn't present to you but to someone else. Truly a "eye of the beholder," sort of deal. That's fine, fantastic even. Explanation aside now, since Nuance is a lost art these days . . . That's a whole other conversation. There will always be some kind of Imperfection, and we get to see it play out. Hell you can have characters have the same Fatal Flaw, in the case of the Color Gang, they are all competitive as shit. They can put their differences aside when needed. But given the chance of competition? None of them can resist. And it makes sense with their backstories and their nature.

Redemption. Let's talk redemption.

So it is no secret that redemption of a villain for me is hit or miss, mostly miss these days. Every villain is to get redeemed and some people aren’t just shitty people and blah blah blah. Personally a bad message to send about how sometimes, people are just horrible and there is a time and a place and not to mention not setting yourself on fire—we can talk about that later. We’re here to talk about Character Redemption done right. See, King Orange and Purple had their redemptions within the series. And it was one of the few times I didn’t roll my eyes. No secret to anyone I think modern villains being redeemed left and right is stupid. But with King Orange and Purple, it makes sense for them. Were their actions justified in the end? To some extent, no. But now we understand why they did what they did. For King Orange, the block game killed their sibling. If I were in their shoes . . . uh, boots? I would have done the same. Doing everything one can to bring back their only family member. But when someone goes too far, such as sacrificing the lives of many? Can he be redeemed? I think so. At least for here, King Orange became proactive, in trying to fix their mess. And especially do right by Purple who had been chasing that familial connection ever since they met.

For Purple? Daddy issues! Woo! Usually it makes them an artist, but in this case, a tyrant? Sort of. Purple had been craving that connection and validation. And it took Green finally listening to them and their story, explaining why they took the actions they did. And this is when you can offer sympathy, to put them on the right path. And in this case, it makes sense. Green offered that bridge and Purple, through some soul searching, saw that bridge and took it. In this case, Purple worked to try and fix this, sacrificing themselves in order to reach King Orange and make them realize they had fucked up badly. If you do not make your redeemed villains proactive with their redemption. Or even have it be justified (looking at you White Diamond, fuck you Disney), there needs to be balance between time and action. If they didn’t do too much but are scrutinized to death while they are trying to be better? Then at that point, why try at all? And it has to be genuine. I’m not saying folks need to immediately forgive and move on. The Color Gang chose to forgive King Orange and Purple, and that’s perfectly fine. If they didn’t forgive right away and needed some time, that’s fine as well. Technically speaking, we see more of the Color Gang interacting with Purple rather than King Orange. For me that can be interpreted as they might not fully forgive him. It might take some time but both sides are trying. There’s a balance of time and grievance, for some, it was too much and they don’t have to forgive. While there is an understanding of lives fully separating and paths diverging, never to cross again. Perfectly fine. Once again, nuance, gotta love good old nuance. Why did the Color Gang forgive the pair? Well for starters, it was Green who reached out first, giving Purple a chance to change and help save the world. There that bridge was created for Purple to cross. And then later, King Orange would find that bridge and cross themselves. It was a great effort on both sides, with TSC coming in with the final clutch to stop Minecraft and everything inside completely disappearing. King Orange knows what they did was wrong, and put themselves on the right path to try and do Right. Both by themselves and by Purple, who had been at their side when the slip into utter madness and villainy took hold. For me, it will be a while before King Orange really finds their footing again. Their life had been absorbed into finding a way to bring their sibling back. But if we had learned anything about King Orange, they’re resilient and will find a way to stand. But at least this time, they won’t be alone.

I am so sorry for the rambliness of all of this. You can blame the fact that media literacy is on a rapid decline and it is driving me insane. One shouldn’t fucking need a degree to understand that the door is in fact blue for a reason. As a writer, this disappoints me greatly.

Netherite Pickaxe: Final Thoughts.

I think there is a lot to be said about the overall story here. Key Factor Here that too many forgot about: YOU. CAN. HAVE. FUN. TELLING. A STORY! It doesn’t always need to be something so stupid compelling and a chess match in order for it to be good. Read that again: IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SOMETHING DEEPLY COMPELLING. It can absolutely can, which when you think about it, our beloved stick figures, it goes deeper and deeper, all the way to bedrock where we find the heart of the issue. And it's between a choice, a series of spiraling staircases that lead to the near end of an entire world. Sometimes I want to have fun, sometimes I want to be on the edge of my seat. And where Parkour Civ was a fun story about our underdog rising to the top. We had Animation Vs Minecraft starting out like that, but then it becomes more and more, adding onto these layers and watching it truly grow into something massive. The in depth story that we got to see from the Alan Becker Team was wrapped up in a nice little bow with the world being saved, the heroes returning home, and the reformed villains looking for their own space. But when you put in the thought and care into something, like AvM did, you could have something so simple and yet have it be remembered with such fondness. It can be outlandish, it can be something that has been thought of before but not in that context. Cartoons' interaction with the block game isn’t new. But they took that concept and ran away with it. And I absolutely love that.

If you were to ask me how I felt about the whole thing when it first started coming out, I’d tell ya it’s pretty cool and you should go check it out. Now that I’ve ran through the whole thing and took it apart somewhat, I’d tell ya it’s honestly a masterpiece. There is so much going on here that I haven’t touched upon because I was looking at this from a writer’s point of view. A breakdown of the action and animation would be a bit out of my reach. So this is what I can do for the moment. Truly I do appreciate all the care and work that went into this series and I do wonder where in the world do you go from there? For me, the story seems pretty wrapped up and it’s back to shenanigans. Because you have a pretty clean cut ending. And with Animation vs. Animator, there’s a lot going on there. So for the most part, season 4 is going to look like season 2 where it's back to shenanigans after the world nearly ended. As we have been seeing with the recent videos. I wouldn’t mind touching upon the fact that the world nearly did just end. But with the Color Gang, life does go on, and that’s how they have always been. Who knows what the team has in store for this, if they were to decide to pull something like this off again. I don’t know in all honesty, what do you think? Personally, I think it’s a nice break from the craziness that we experience and the other series running alongside.

Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed this. I wouldn’t say it’s my best work. I was never good at essays, so if it seems a bit all over the place I do apologize. Writing a story and writing an essay about a story are two different things. But thank you for sticking around. And as always, I’ll be poking around.

See ya! And don’t dig straight down.

#Side Note: Somewhere in the month of writing this whole thing I broke my third keyboard I've ever owned #So you wanna know a funny story?#When i saw that reblog I thought to myself 'now where in the world did I mention I was getting an English degree?'#It was one line in the 'I am defending parkour civ because people are annoying me' post #Now where in the world did he mention that? Well simply put it was the first line of the second paragraph #I DID NOT THINK PEOPLE WERE READING THAT AND REMEMBERING THAT ODD DETAIL I THREW IN THERE FOR HONESTLY? NO REASON!#But hey I fold over way too easily for my own good and have been working on this between other projects for weeks #So hopefully I did the person justice #Anyways funny story time over #I actually do say that a lot 'so funny story about that' and then divulge into a tangent about something #bah who reads the hashtags anyways?#this is not what I thought i was gonna be known for on Tumblr #animation vs minecraft #alan becker #color gang #animator vs animation #mcyt #minecraft #ld speaks

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voxofthevoid · 4 months ago

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Hi, I'm sending this to you because you're a prolific goyuu shipper and writer and idk who else to talk to. You don't have to interact with this if you don't want to, which doesn't really need to be said, but I would understand either way.

I have a similar teacher/student ship in jjk I like to read and write about and I have posted about them in the past but it got me anon hate for weeks. I did go on a blocking spree after that but I just always live in fear. Getting mean comments about things I enjoy is such a sour experience, I want to be more indifferent towards all this but I'm still at a place where even a hint of hate threatens to ruin my entire day. I'm afraid to post, there's no community. It's just very abysmal. I guess I'm just here asking you how. How to do it.

I don't mind asks like this, don't worry. One of the (many) reasons I'm open, blatant, and unapologetic about what I ship as well as my overall stance on freedom of creative expression is that present-day fandom is becoming increasingly hostile to darker—or even slightly off-white, to extend the metaphor—themes and tropes in fiction and the people interested in exploring them, and I think it's important for people who aren't part of the moral purity crusade to be equally visible. Not that anyone's obligated to, just that some casual, visible sanity can often make a difference.

I'm so sorry that you had that experience in this fandom. I'm unfortunately not surprised; JJK has no shortage of wankers, and some of them are hateful little fucks who would gladly ruin people's days or lives for whatever endorphin rush their bullying campaign gets them.

That's what these people are at their cores: bullies. It seems like you know that though, and proactive blocking is definitely a good way to prevent or mitigate the damage they can do. But even knowing what they are and what they want, it's not easy for everyone to shake off bad experiences and fears for the future, which seems to be what you're struggling with as well.

The how will vary from person to person. Way I see it, there's an internal aspect and an external one—your mindset and your support system, respectively.

Indifference would be ideal, but it's not feasible for everyone. You can cultivate a certain approach, but in my experience, the way your brain is wired also plays a significant part. Some people are just naturally more thick-skinned or confident or apathetic. I just get angry, for instance, and while that's not exactly easy to wrangle, I tend to calm down on my own once it's out of my system and spite just fuels my creativity. There's no lasting effect beyond an idle thought of "am I gonna have to call anyone a cunt today?" when I post things. Others have different reactions, and plenty of people do shake off the initial fear or stress response to develop a more uncaring attitude, but how you get to that point is up to you, you know?

But if you're currently at a place where seeing hate is not something you can or want to handle (and there's no shame in that), I'd recommend any of these:

Write but don't post. Maybe you're already doing this? But indulging your creativity just by yourself can be a good way to enjoy writing without stressing out over the potential backlash from posting.

Post anonymously.

Posting with guest comments turned off, comment moderation turned on, or comments entirely turned off. Comment moderation would mean you'd still see any bullshit that pops up, so that may not be suitable here. Turning off guest comments will weed out most of the wannabe edgelords, but registered accounts are hardly "safe" either. Of course, if you don't want to post in such a restricted manner (I wouldn't), that's also entirely fair.

Do a mix of these as mood and energy allow.

If you do post in any of these ways, do not look at the bookmarks. Turn anon off on Tumblr too, if you haven't already.

All that said, no matter how thick-skinned you are, most people can and will be worn down by dedicated or even just repeated/frequent harassment. We're human, and fighting off negativity for prolonged periods is fucking exhausting. And this is fandom, not life or death. It is easier at a point to just say fuck it and leave for greener pastures, be it a different fandom, a different fan identity, or a different hobby entirely.

That's where an external support system can help. For me, that's both my personal friends and my readers in general. But I've been in fandom for ten years and have been writing and posting consistently for the bulk of it. I've had time to form connections and a community—one whose members are fluctuating but whose existence is consistent. It takes time or luck or both. And these days, the more social aspects of fandom seem to occur in servers, which is not really my scene, so I don't have much guidance to offer there. But I do know servers specifically aimed at supporting writers of "taboo" content exist, even if I'm not sure how to find them. Tumblr's new Communities feature also seems like it can help you find like-minded folks, be it ship-specific or topic-specific.

From the spaces I do frequent, I'd suggest these:

Join the r/Ao3 subreddit. You don't have to connect it to your fandom identity if you don't want to. But that space is staunchly anti-censorship, and while you may not find close friends or anything, you will find a decent space for various discussions (not always calm or pleasant) and creative endeavours.

Actively seek out chill people in your ship fandom, be it on Tumblr or Ao3. I'm not saying slide into their DMs, just participate in whatever capacity you can alongside people you know ship the same stuff or have the same tastes as you. Build connections the way we typically do in fandom, just with a more discerning eye so that you won't run into anyone who'd turn on you later for your own ships/tastes.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself and take the time you need to recover from the bad experiences you have had.

Good luck ❤️

#i love my anons #anon

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

Note

AITA for wanting healthy communication?

🎨💫 <- so I can find it

For context this is about one of my exes from 2022. It was an online relationship. At the time of this story I was 19 and they (🦜) were 18. This also involves their friend (🪐) who was also 18 at the time.

When me and 🦜 met, I was 17 and they were 16. I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship with someone who had been cheating on me with 🦜. Me and 🦜 bonded over the toxicity of that person, which is how we ended up getting closer. Trauma bonding isn’t healthy, I know.

Me and 🦜 started dating in January of 2022. I was in college at the time but I ended up dropping out and moving to another state. During this time, I asked 🦜 to communicate with me if I ever did or said anything wrong, as I’m autistic and often can’t tell. I thought that 🦜 also being autistic meant they would understand, but oh how wrong I was.

Our relationship lasted from January to October of 2022. In that time, me and 🦜 only ever had one conversation about something we were upset about. I’d often ask them if they were okay, if I was doing anything wrong, if there was anything I could improve on. Every time they answered saying they were fine.

Fast forward to October 2022. I woke up to a long DM from 🦜 telling me I had been abusing them and that they were blocking me. I didn’t know what they were talking about since I had no memory of ever doing anything they were claiming I did. Their friend 🪐 had also DMed me with pretty much the same thing as 🦜. I was left completely unaware and confused about what happened until October 2023, when 🦜 and 🪐 sent out a long document about me. In it were things I never remembered doing, things that aren’t even bad at all, and things I honest to God never even did. There were some screenshots but most of it was word-of-mouth “just trust me bro”. They had even included a message from me where I had said neither of them ever communicated anything with me other than the singular time.

I made my own document, including how I had several times asked to be communicated with, and how some of the things I was being accused of were in fact things that 🦜 had done to me and were now placing onto me. Of course this got thrown around as “victim blaming”. This all took place on bird app, so of course fork found in kitchen.

If it helps at all, I suffer from dissociative amnesia, which means I often lose or “forget” chunks of time ranging from a couple minutes to whole months and years. I lost my memory of most of 2022 which makes 🦜’s accusations a lot harder for me to believe and honestly, it feels like they’re gaslighting me. I’ve been told I’m lying about things I never lied about. They were extremely toxic to me, I admit I was toxic to them as well. My trauma has been looked over in favor of banishing me from the internet.

I hope this explained this well enough. I’m a little scared 🦜 will find this if I give any more details of the situation but I’ll try to answer any questions as best I can.

Thank you for listening. I’ll 100% accept if I’m the asshole here. I just need to know for my own sanity and so I can work on myself moving forward if I am actually the asshole.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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sleepy-sirin · 2 years ago

Text

Incarnation (Honkai Star Rail x Child! Herrscher! Reader)

Summary: In which Y/n, the creation of Will of Honkai, successfully defeated her own creator with the help of her friends. After defeating the Will of Honkai, for using too much of her power she goes into a deep sleep.

Next chapter

A/n: Reader will be based on Jyahnar from GGZ

Prologue

Third POV:

They finally did it.

They finally defeated the Will of Honkai.

She finally defeated her own creator.

Back then, Y/n didn't care about humanity when she was born. Her creator simply told her to destroy humanity. Y/n woke up and considered the planet to be a fit world for her to rule, especially the vast blue ocean of the world.

Overseeing humans, Y/n concluded they are not worthy of being her slaves and used her Houkai energy to destroy the sanity of all humans alive at the time and especially whole empires to destroy themselves, ending the culture of mankind and destroying every creation made by man. After 5,000 years making the world in her image, she fell asleep in the pacific ocean

But it all changes when a certain white-haired female convinces her about humanity. She'll never forget the kindness that she receives from her no matter how Y/n almost destroys the Earth.

Y/n asked Kiana to destroy her. After the destruction, Y/n used the last remaining strength to shape a human body, expressing her longing for thousands of years.

When Houkai created her, in addition to genetically engraving the mission of exterminating mankind like other Houkai creatures, it also included other information. That is to let her come to this planet to find the trace of Kiana and to destroy humanity together with Kiana as the Messenger of the Houkai.

At the end of her life, Y/n hopes to become a human in the next life. Kiana didn't want Y/n to die like this and used the power of the saint to completely integrate the core into Y/n's human body. Y/n survived but fell into a deep sleep. Y/n promise Kiana that she will help defeat her own creator, the Will of Honkai, if they are ready to defeat it.

Right now, they all celebrate defeating the Will of Honkai and grief of the death of Seele and Sin Mal for their sacrifice.

Y/n couldn't help but feel sleepy all of a sudden, maybe because she uses too much of her powers. Bronya and Ninti notice you are sleepy and they try to wake you up.

You couldn't help but let the darkness consume you and block everyone who is calling for your name.

Y/n's POV:

Where am I?

Why is it so dark in here?

I look around to see nothing but darkness. Is this how death looks like? Is this how I die when my creator is gone, I disappear too... Maybe I shouldn't rebel the Will of Honkai with the humans if I disappear too.

But I didn't regret it. I only did it for the person that I admire, Kiana Kaslana. She's the reason why I want to save humanity, even though back then I try to persuade Kiana to destroy with humanity with me. Maybe I will get reincarnated as human, and find Kiana like I always do whenever she gets reincarnated.

I see a light above me, is it time for me to wake up now? Am I finally going to be a human? I reach out my hand to the light...

I open my eyes to see a ceiling above me, I sit up on the bed I was in and look through the window to see that I'm in space. I have no recollection sleeping through space since I always sleep in the ocean.

I saw two humans talking not far away from me, a woman who looks awfully familiar to me has bright red hair, and gold-colored eyes. She wears a white toga gown with red along the inside. A tall brown-eyed man with matching brown hair that has a small white streak. He wears a gray and white dress coat with a scarf and black armor on his chest. He also wears glasses, dark brown pants, black shoes, and a black glove on his right hand. The two humans saw that I am awake and walk to my direction.

"It looks like you're finally awake, child." The red-haired woman said.

"We have few questions for you to answer." The brown-haired male said and ask me few questions.

"What's your name?"

"Y/n."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know my age."

"Where are you from?"

"Nowhere."

"Who's your parents?"

"I don't have parents."

The old man was done asking me questions but I knew there's something he wants to ask me in private, so he told the red-haired lady that he wants to talk to me in private. The red-haired woman listen and gave us some privacy.

It was now only the two of us, the brown-haired male ask me with a serious tone in his voice:

"You're a Herrscher, aren't you?"

I smirk at the question he asks, what a smart human he is to figure out who I am.

"Yes, I am a Herrscher. What a smart human you are."

The old man backed away from me and summoned his weapon, ready to engage battle with me.

"You Herrscher shouldn't exist anymore since the Will of Honkai is gone!"

"The Will of Honkai may be gone but you have forgotten that I am the creation of the Will of Honkai! I'm the most powerful Herrscher in the universe!"

As the two of us are ready to fight, 3 new humans have entered the room and noticed that the old man is literally fighting a "human" child.

"Mr.Yang, what are you doing?!" The pink-haired girl asked in a panic voice.

The red-haired woman came back to the room who looked shocked at the scene she witnessed.

"Everyone stay back! This child is not a human but a dangerous Herrscher!" The old man said.

"Don't you get it? I'm God! I'm beyond your understanding! You can never defeat me!"

#honkai #honkai x reader #child reader #honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #hsr x reader #hsr himeko #welt yang #dan heng #march 7 hsr #hsr stelle #platonic #herrscher #jyahnar #ggz

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editedantiendoposts · 20 days ago

Note

TW: syscourse, brief mentions of abuse

Hey, we're a traumagenic DID system. All this hate is so interesting to me, becuase literally in the same post, one of those people said something along the lines of "just repost to orignal post" or whatever.

If they meant reblogs, isn't your whole thing "endos dni"??? What do they even mean at this point???

If they meant screenshot and post that, I know damn well they would be mad at that too. Plus, there would need to be the text in the post for accessibilty, anyway.

And the person who said something about "taking a trauma survivor's words from them", literally what?? You don't own words or the idea of system experiences, that's not how it works??? And the comparison to abusers??? It really just feels like a shallow attempt to make you feel guilty/shameful in order for them to win the argument, which is exactly the shit the shit my abuser did. I find it super interesting they managed to do all of that in the same breath and not have any self-awareness.

Anyway, thank you for making these posts accessible to a wider community.

I know a lot of anti-endos have started with the "dni endos and supporters" thing, which makes me uncomfortable interacting with most of them at this point.

Also, it doesn't sit right with me that a lot of them have started adding in pro-endo traumagenics as a side note to "endos dni". I mean, if they want to provide support for trauma survivors, why would they exclude trauma surviors they just decided they don't like?? Maybe it isn't about creating support and community for trauma survivors after all...

But yeah, what you're doing isn't a bad thing, and certainly not in the way they want you to feel it is. Thank you for this blog, and keep doing your own thing!

You are very much appreciated for sending this. But it's okay, we decided for our own sanity/mental health that we've blocked the offending anti-endos in question from our main and this blog so we don't have to see them or their posts anyway.

We agree, they always claim pro-endos are being abusive and harmful to trauma survivors as they're literally sitting there harassing and talking shit to other trauma survivors. It's not about trauma survivors it's about them being comfortable with their bullshit.

The air is that much clearer with them blocked, since they couldn't understand long enough to do it themselves.

#gr8answers.txt

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edgeray · 1 month ago

Text

TLDR: new request system. requests are open again but requests won't be done unless i feel like it. I think I'm back into writing?

Explanation down below, long rant

Hi guys, sorry for my recent inactivity in terms of writing. I hit a kind of writer's block when the school year began and I just started recovering now.

I'm going to be so honest. I think accepting requests are part of the reason (not the full reason, I was largely burnt out) I haven't been writing as much. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing your guys' amazing ideas but it is so daunting for me to write ones that just don't appeal to me as much.

Writing is hard enough for my own ideas, because I have to worry about perfecting the execution of my ideas, and my writing style can be so time and energy consuming. I like to perfect my writing as much as I can, put as much as my effort, but writing requests doesn't allow me to do that. Some--if not, a lot--of the requests I wrote I did not like and that's not on the requester's part, that's just a me issue.

My system of doing requests was also just exhausting. I was doing *every* single request that went through my inbox, whether I was personally invested in the idea or not, and in order of when it was requested. Over the last summer, I did a total of 25 requests, none of which were very short and some of them were longer than I said I would write for requests (2k words). Despite how often I uploaded requests earlier in the summer, I'm not a very fast writer. I would start at 8 or 9PM and stay up to even 4AM to finish just one request. It was a daily grind.

It was getting to a point where I didn't enjoy writing, and it took me so long to realize I actually had free will lol.

In the school year, I obviously can't dedicate that much time or effort into requests, and the request number kept building up, I was overwhelmed. I want to make no promises, but I think I am getting back into writing again. The main reason why I was getting burnt out was because I was too focused on requests and not what I wanted, so I really want to change that this time around. I think if I have more freedom to write, my quality of writing would be a lot better and I would upload more often.

Those of you who requested last year, I most likely won't get to them and I'm sorry for that. I might still write those requests, but if it's not up my alley or I don't have a good idea for them, I won't get to them. However, since I'm going to cherry pick what request to do anyways, I thought it wouldn't hurt to open up requests again. Unlike the last time I opened up requests, I wanted to guarantee that a request would be written, but for my sanity, I can't grant that anymore. Of course, same rules, refer to the rules post, and only sfw Arlecchino requests.

But yeah. I wanna get back into writing--I'm on that very slow grind of LND pt.3 and I was so giddy about posting STAY, DON'T GO I couldn't sleep for hours haha. But I'm back? I think? We'll see how this goes.

#edgeray.rambles #so yeah... requests are open again haha #i missed you guys sob #please talk to me #i check my tumblr religiously

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crimeronan · 1 year ago

Text

i try not to be openly mad super often about tumblr users being obnoxious because it really is a small minority of people & i know that a lot of you guys who are Literally Perfectly Fine but also Very Anxious will be like "oh no. am i one of the people who does this."

so let me give u an example of a wildly obnoxious tumblr interaction i had a few months ago. that sticks with me.

at one point i locked the rbs on a house MD post that had gotten a few thousand notes. no one had done anything wrong or bad, but the post was starting to breach containment into discourse that i find pretty upsetting/draining, so i preemptively shut it down. for the sake of my own sanity.

a few weeks after i did this, some tumblr user who does not follow me commented

"OP TURN ON THE REBLOGS"

hm.

hmmm.

to which i responded, "no 💕"

and they said, "why not?? :("

frowny face included btw. apparently it was incomprehensible to them that i might not comply with an all-caps command from a total stranger.

i replied "because i don't want to 💕" and left it at that. as is my right.

this apparently vexed the tumblr user. who left three long and increasingly nasty messages about how i have a shitty attitude and i'm a shit person who's shit at interacting with people who's "so unserious." i do not remember the exact wording of anything except "you're so fucking unserious" because i was like. Hello.

at this point i simply blocked the tumblr user and deleted their comments and my responses to them. i do this frequently on my popular posts. when i get comments that annoy me or people start debating in the notes, i just delete Aaall that shit. and block everyone involved. not in my house!!

if you are a person who can understand where this interaction went wrong, and who cannot conceive of approaching an internet stranger in this manner, then you are Probably not one of the people who drives us fucking crazy. (and chances are that if you HAVE annoyed someone, it was over something pretty minor and low-stakes.)

the wildest thing is that if this person had just said "hey, could you turn on rbs for a few minutes?? i want this on my blog," I WOULD'VE SAID YES....? WHY WOULDN'T I. YOU KNOW.

sometimes. the internet. is.

.....taxing.

#deleting this person's comments without killing them publicly was the appropriate response.#but i wanted So Badly to drag it out in public.#you know when you need everyone around you to know you're right about something. and have to fight that urge.#anyway now that ive long since forgotten this person's url i can share this as a harm-free anecdote.#Don't Be This Person .

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bagely · 1 year ago

Text

HI! this is a translation of a fanfic I already published in AO3 but, I'm trying to prove myself and write in english, Soo yeah my first lenguaje it's not english is Spanish and because of that this work would have some mistakes 😬 sorry for that I do my best but I'm still just learning, so you can correct me, I would appreciate that.

Oh, and its in Missa's pov

Title: Can I have your number?

Words: 2,009

Ao3 link:

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

I walked through the door of the small university café, feeling the warm aroma of coffee fill my senses.

The barista, whose name is Starboby, was very welcoming, and there was nothing strange about her until I saw the bar where someone was preparing coffee with their back turned. I didn't recognize that haircut or the same tone, and I could say that with certainty since I had worked part-time at this place many times before.

«It seems like Roier has hired someone new» I thought, as I didn't recognize any of Roier's blonde friends. There weren't many people in the place, it was still very early. I adjusted my hair, which was longer than usual and a bit uncomfortable.

I walked confidently to the bar, and the barista turned around when she heard my steps and stood in front of me, several meters away. I stopped instantly.

"Oh, I didn't hear you," he said with a warm and cheerful voice while smiling at me. "Do you need anything?"

He was gathering some hair into a ponytail, and her deep blue eyes stirred something within me.

«WHY IS HE SO HANDSOME» I started feeling my heart stop or perhaps start beating so fast that I couldn't measure it myself.

"Uhm... I...just��" I was trying to forced myself to talk. I took a step back and said, "uh... I forgot something... I, uhm... goodbye"

Did I run away or walk very fast? I don't know, the point is that I was already two blocks away from that café. I slap myself.

«Missa, why do you always embarrass yourself? Fool, idiot, idiot...» I wanted to hit myself harder.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

A few days had passed, and I had "forgotten" (or rather ignored to maintain my sanity) that encounter at the café.

Rivers, a classmate, ask me if we want to do some homework together, and since my house was a mess due to my lack of organization, she decided it would be better to go to Starboby, Roier's café at the university. And here I am again, and he is here.

If someone asked me to organize the 5 most embarrassing moments of my life, what happened in this café a few days ago would occupy the top 5 places.

I'm behind my computer while looking at him, hoping he doesn't notice. After half an hour in the place, I only know one thing about him, and that is his name, which is Philza, and I only know that because I noticed the shiny name tag that I didn't see on my first visit.

I want to ask for his number... I would love to be able to get up and approach him, act like a normal person, and just talk to him, but at this point, I'm sure he thinks I'm a weirdo. I am a weirdo, but I don't like to think that he knows it.

"You could ask Roier for his number," Rivers brought one of her pens to my face and started poking my cheek with it insistently.

"And seem like a stalker? No, thanks," I replied in a somewhat annoyed tone because of what she was doing to my face, but I couldn't complain much anyway since I'm a bit behind on our task.

"Sure, you don't want to seem weird to your boyfriend," she started sarcastically, and she moved away from me in her chair while rolling her eyes. "Okay, be subtle and keep staring at him like a crow."

"I'm not...–" I don't even know what I was about to say because my mind freeze when my eyes were caught by his.

«Did he notice?» I felt a bit scared, I immediately looked away, but I heard a slight laugh coming from him. «he got me.» my face is completely red. I couldn't look in his direction for the rest of the afternoon, which was beneficial for Rivers since we were able to finish some work in one day and organize the ones we have left.

I started packing up my things to leave the café, and I felt someone behind me. My body tensed up when I turned around and saw him there. Time felt slow as he handed me a piece of paper. «His number?» That thought made me blush again until I looked down to see the piece of paper he had given me.

"Thank you for coming," he smiled at me, well, at us, Rivers is still here saddly "Again."

I'm sure that last part is for me, but he only gave me a receipt, just a receipt.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Today the café is a bit more crowded, it's rush hour, so I should have expected it. The line is at least 10 people long, and when it's my turn, I find myself too excited. I'm at the front, and I see him. He smiles at me but turns and moves away behind a door to the back. I'm late.

"Missa, what's up?" Roier is now at the bar, smiling at me as if he had just heard the best joke in the world. "Have you seen my new barista?" The look Roier gave me was so indiscreet that I almost hit him, it's obvious that Rivers told him everything.

I restrain any aggressive impulse that grows within me because if I expose myself more than I already am, I'm sure he won't leave me alone.

"Cold coffee, and remember to sweeten it well... You always make it a bit bitter," I tell him, completely avoiding the topic.

He laughs and turns around to start doing what I asked. I lower my head to the counter where the desserts are, I only came to the place for coffee and to see Phil, but it wouldn't hurt to have a donut anyway, one of the things I wanted to see wasn't there, I need a consolation prize.

"Are you ordering something?" That voice makes my heart skip a beat, and it makes me lift my head to see Philza on the other side of the bar with his ever-present kind and reassuring smile. I could die at that moment and be satisfied. "Didn't he finish his shift? Oh, it doesn't matter, my prayers were answered," I say.

"Yes," I say, perhaps a bit too loud.

"Phil! I see you've met Missa," Roier's joyful voice also stirs my guts, but in an unpleasant way, as I'm sure of what's coming.

"Oh, yeah, I've talked to him before," Philza replied, nodding.

I'm not saying anything, and it's awkward because this conversation is about me, but I can't do it, everything in me prevents me from commenting on what's happening.

"You need to treat him well" Roier speaks again, and I have the urge to run away from there, again. "He's not new here, he's one of our most loyal part-timers. A VIP customer," Roier says.

"Roier, no, don't exaggerate," I finally speak, looking into the brown eyes and begging him with my eyes to shut up for once.

"I see," Philza laughs, I notice how easy it seems to make that man laugh, which defensively doesn't bother me, I would love to hear that laughter for longer. I look at him again, and he returns the gaze. "I'll take good care of him then."

If he continues to be like that, I'll probably have a heart attack and die.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

It's almost the end of autumn, which means it's been a month since I met Philza, and I still haven't asked for his number. But I'm making progress, I'm at the point where I can say a complete sentence without stuttering. Anyway, I'm sure he thinks I'm weird because that's the only part of my personality that I've shown him throughout this month.

I'm at the café again, but I'm smart and learn from my mistakes. I don't go to the café during hours when I'm sure Roier will be there. I made that mistake twice, the last time was last week, and the man managed to embarrass me by telling Phil about all my mistakes when I was a rookie.

I'm not hiding behind my laptop this time; I'm "reading" a book. I read on the internet that people who look intelligent are more attractive, and I must use everything I can to my advantage.

Although I haven't talked to him much, I now know a few more things about Phil than just his name. For example, he's 25 years old, which means he's only three years older than me, and apparently, he knows Roier from his boyfriend, and knowing Cellbit's great social skills, he's probably a classmate or a fellow student.

Among the little things I know, I also managed to ask him if he's dating someone in the most discreet way possible, which means I told Rivers to ask him, and I was next to her to listen, and miraculously, the answer was no. I had never felt luckier in my life. I think I almost screamed when I found out, almost because I managed to maintain my composure as much as I could.

"Are you going to order something?" His voice, his terribly charming voice, snapped me out of my thoughts. I didn't realize when he had approached me, placing his hand on the table in front of me.

«Your number» I didn't say it. I wish I had said it. Damn it.

"I'm... I'm fine, you know, just chill.. yeah.." I said, and I'm sure that every word coming out of my mouth It's getting worse and worse.

"Right " He said, and I felt something strange inside me when he sighed after speaking.

Phil seems very committed to his work, he always comes to ask me if I need anything, even if there are several people around. It's very admirable.

He's about to lift his hand from the table and walk away, but I don't want him to. There's no one else here, and a force that I hadn't felt all month pulls my hand, tugging at the sleeve of his white shirt, back to the table.

I turn to look at him, and that momentary force leaves my body.

"Yes?" He asks with a lopsided smile that suits him torturously well.

My eyes sink to the ground. I can only see his shoes and mine.

"Uh could you...uhm" I'm sure I must look like an elf, with my ears burning from the amount of embarrassment I feel. "Can I have your number?" Somehow, that sentence came out in full.

"I already gave it to you."

"WHAT?" I shout. Because there's no other way to express what was going through my head at that moment. I'm trying and searching through hundreds of memories if that ever happened and I have nothing...

"You threw it in the trash, I thought you had rejected me and now you were just giving me confusing signals." Well, with that, I raised my head, he still looked calm, only with a hint of blush almost imperceptible on his cheeks.

"Who was giving confusing signals to who?" My brain was melted, or maybe I was swapped in the middle of the night into someone else's life because all those things he says don't make sense. "Me rejecting you? I'm not insane."

He laughs, and I feel the atmosphere lighten. "Well, you did it." He speaks through clenched teeth, holding back laughter. "When you were with your friend, I gave it to you on the back of the receipt and you threw it in the trash."

«Idiot, idiot, idiot, WHY DIDN'T I SEE THE BACK?»

"I... I didn't see it." His hand goes to my cheek, and his face begins to approach.

«Am I dreaming?» I'm completely paralyzed.

He lightly taps his forehead against mine and then takes a few steps back, but I stand up so we're still close. He takes my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.

"Dumb" He says to me in that charming tone of voice that I'm sure I'll never get tired of.

#deathduo #qsmp #qsmp missa #qsmp philza

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flyingfishtailoutpost1 · 3 months ago

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I work in a school

A para just came in and handed me a pile of laminated items made out of construction paper, and said, “I need these laminated.”

Me: They…already are laminated?

Her: Yeah, these belong to Ms J. I need them laminated.

Me:

Her:

Me: Do you mean…you want me to scan these, print them out, cut them out, and laminate them, so you can have your own set???

Her: Oh. Yes. I can come back for them in, what, fifteen minutes?

Me: Try an hour?????

We need a collection development plan written for our media center. I’m not supposed to be in charge of it, because I’m just a librarian and not instructional staff.

The literacy coach is supposed to do it. She has no idea how.

They give it to the AP to do. He has no idea how.

I fill out the collection plan. All I need the AP to give me is one paragraph of information. He emails it to me 10 minutes before it’s due. It’s a block of text written in all caps with no punctuation, full of spelling errors.

I’ve been trying to order supplies for a month and a half. The person issuing me the quote keeps having to reissue it. They got the school wrong, then the number of items, then the type of item, then the person it was issued to, then the number of items again.

I have a cartload of books to be shelved. Ask my TAs from the high school to shelve them. Have to keep explaining what “alphabetized” means. There are two stacks of books on the bottom, with post-its that say FOR DISPLAY DON’T SHELVE THESE.

They shelve them, except for the top two books with the notes attached, which they give to me and remind me not to shelve them because they’re for display.

Principal offers me Textbook Coordinator position. The previous one is like, yeah, I can’t train you, I don’t know how it works.

Me: But you did it for a year???

Her: Yeah but I didn’t know what I was doing at all.

So I figure at least organizing the textbook stock so you can move in the storage room without being crushed is a good place to start.

Everyone: You’re a miracle worker!!!

Me: I opened some boxes and put some books on the shelves, my god you guys.

My beloved library volunteer who saves my sanity, trying to encourage a student to try checking out a book: Come on, we have books about AWESOME stuff. I bet EVERYONE can find a book about stuff they like in here.

*turns to his teacher, standing nearby*

Ms V, what do you like to read about?

Teacher *rolling her eyes*: I don’t read.

Us: ….ok.

Student: *walks away*

Also, and I cannot stress this enough:

#‘murica #sigh #the book job #school #it has been A Year so far #librarian angst #education #my husband switched from public to private #the kids are slightly easier to handle #but everyone is 100% obsessed with football #and they make him write essays on Catholic catechism #the school has a trophy room but NO LIBRARY

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denimbex1986 · 2 years ago

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'As a director, Benny Safdie makes sleazy movies about hustlers and gamblers and criminals and strivers. Films that teem with violence and drugs, while a pulsating anxiety yanks you through a gritty underbelly of a New York you thought no longer existed.

But today? We’re about as far from that seediness as you can get. On his suggestion, we meet up at the Upper West Side deli institution Barney Greengrass. The tree-lined blocks around here are stately and idyllic, tucked between Central Park and the Hudson River. Safdie, 37, is dressed in full dadcore: glasses, striped tee, jeans, Tevas. (Tevas!) He has the personality to match, with a warmth and gregariousness that initially catch you way off guard. This is the guy responsible for Uncut Gems?

“My go-to meal here was pastrami, eggs, and Mun-chee cheese. But Mun-chee cheese doesn't exist anymore,” Safdie laments. “Nobody bought it.” He opts for a sesame bagel with butter instead.

This neighborhood is his home turf, and his favorite place in the world. He spent his childhood ping-ponging between an unstable environment with his father in Queens, then comfortable normalcy with his mother and stepdad on the Upper West Side.

As a younger man, he did a brief stint living downtown. “I looked out, I'm like, There's no trees. I didn't realize how important that is to my sanity,” he remembers. Now he and his wife, Ava, are raising their two boys, Cosmo, 7, and Murray, 4, up here.

Safdie made his name in tandem with his older brother Josh, the two perpetually mentioned in the same breath for their idiosyncratic, independent films reminiscent of the heyday of New Hollywood. Daddy Long Legs (2009) was mined from their own misadventures with an irresponsible father. (Safdie says he tends to have a more critical view of their upbringing than Josh and, though he still talks to their dad, “it can be strained.”) Good Time (2017), with Robert Pattinson as a small-time criminal and Benny as his mentally disabled brother, raised their profile.

And then came 2019’s Uncut Gems, the heart-pounding thriller starring Adam Sandler as a diamond-dealing gambling addict, which planted the Safide brothers firmly at the center of the culture. The success that followed changed everything.

“That was the first time where I had a vision beyond four feet in front of me,” Safdie says.

What does that vision look like? For Safdie, it means pursuing an increasingly successful acting career. He’s branched out on his own, diverging from the brother he’s been working with his entire life. Many actors go on to become directors; it’s much rarer for the opposite to happen. Even the few who do make the jump—say, John Huston—end up being remembered more for their first career.

Safdie, though, possesses a chameleonic talent, so much so that every role of his feels like a genuine surprise. Perhaps you saw him pop up in Paul Thomas Anderson’s ‘70s Valley vibefest Licorice Pizza as Joel Wachs, a closeted councilman. Or in Claire Denis’s Stars at Noon as an eerily nefarious CIA man (character’s name: CIA Man). Or as a Jedi in Obi-Wan Kenobi. Or, earlier this year, in—wait a second—the film adaptation of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume’s seminal tome about a preteen girl coming of age.

Safdie’s downtown cred, the A24-ness of it all, maybe didn’t make him the most natural casting choice for Margaret’s dad Herb on paper. “It always delights me when people find out he's in the movie. Just their total shock,” the film’s director, Kelly Fremon Craig told me.

Rachel McAdams, who plays Margaret’s mom, told me in an email that she first met Safdie at a screening he hosted for Uncut Gems. “He was so lovely and effusive with such a gentle, open energy about him,” she said. “I remember my brain not quite being able to compute that guy with the same guy who just put me through one of the most stressful movie-watching experiences of my life.”

Safdie sees acting as a way to delve into certain aspects of himself that he hasn’t had an outlet for otherwise. Playing a dad, for instance. “That's a big part of my personality that I haven't yet had the chance to explore in my own work,” he says. His experience as a director also makes him considerably less neurotic about his own performances. Watching himself in the editing room? Having a big line in a scene cut? No problem—he’s been on the other side, and he gets it.

Now, Safdie has his biggest role yet, a meaty part in Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan’s wildly anticipated summer blockbuster about the father of the atomic bomb. Safdie plays Edward Teller, opposite Cillian Murphy’s J. Robert Oppenheimer. Teller was a controversial figure, a Hungarian theoretical physicist who would go on to testify against Oppenheimer in later years.

The cast of Oppenheimer is comically stacked: Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Gary Oldman, Rami Malek, to name a few. Nolan was looking for someone fresh and unexpected to play Teller. He had initially seen Safdie in Good Time and then Licorice Pizza. “I called Paul [Thomas Anderson] and I asked about Benny, and he gave him the strongest possible endorsement and pointed out that he's an incredible actor, but also just a wonderful guy,” Nolan told me.

There was also a bit of fate sprinkled in. Safdie had studied physics at Boston University—almost became a physicist, in fact, before he swerved off into filmmaking. Oppenheimer would allow him to combine his two passions, to dive into yet another deep interest that had otherwise not merged with his film career. It would also require him to wear layers of makeup, to have his hair straightened every day until he could hear it sizzle, and to do accent work for the first time. Safdie put off sharing his speech progress with Nolan for as long he could, until he couldn’t. Finally, he sent the director a voice memo of himself describing his breakfast in a thick Hungarian accent.

“When he sent me that recording, I listened to it about a thousand times and very much enjoyed it,” Nolan said.

Teller could have been written as a straight antagonist to Oppenheimer, but instead Nolan used him to inject rare moments of levity throughout the film. (There is one memorable scene in which Safdie slathers sunscreen all over his face before the first nuclear bomb test.) “For the tragedy of that relationship to have resonance, you have to have seen a warmth there and something between them that's more of a brotherly relationship,” Nolan said. “And I felt that Benny could really bring that to the role and give it that warmth.”

“[He’s] such a kind and gentle fella,” Cillian Murphy told me of Safdie. Much has been made of how intense the film is—take a look at any number of harrowing promotional shots of Murphy in character looking like the most haunted man of all time. In between takes, he said it always seemed as if he ended up talking to Safdie.

“You keep the atmosphere light and joke around because I feel you need to be in a relaxed state to act. Your heart rate needs to be low, your cortisol levels need to be low,” Murphy said. “And that's why I think I probably gravitated towards Benny.”

Safdie is obsessed with realism. It checks out, considering how so many characters in his movies were just ordinary people plucked off the street. That sensibility has followed him into his performances.

Eating, for instance. It drives him nuts when people don’t eat on camera. “I hate it when people don't eat,” he says, tearing into his bagel. “It destroys me.” When he filmed a dinner scene in Licorice Pizza, he made sure to eat in every take. “I don't know how many tiramisus I ate, but it must have been 30,” he says. Same thing happened in The Curse, his secretive upcoming Showtime series with Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone about a couple producing an HGTV show: “Sixty chips in one take, and we must have had nine takes…”

“It wasn't just the nine bags of chips,” Fielder told me in an email. “Any scene that involved food, everyone would pace themselves on the first take.… But Benny for some reason would keep shoving food in his mouth the entire scene ’cause he thought it would be funnier. And he was right. There was one scene where he ate an entire Chinese buffet plate every single take for 15 takes and he would always match the exact same volume of food. You'd think any sane person would eat a couple less popcorn shrimp each time as the takes went on. But he wouldn't.”

And then there’s the crying. Safdie tends to cry when he gets into character—thinking of all the things he might be feeling if he were in that person’s shoes. When Adam Sandler, in Uncut Gems, had to weep, dejected, that he was “so sad and so fucked up,” it was Safdie who went into his trailer to pump him up.

“In a weird way, there's nothing better than being able to do that in front of people because it's usually a very private moment that you're ashamed of and you don't want to show anybody. But to actually get the opportunity to show people what it's like when you're really sad,” Safdie recalls saying. “And then I started crying. He goes, ‘You got to stop. Can you take it easy?’”

Before Uncut Gems, even with a handful of celebrated movies under his belt, a film career didn’t feel truly viable. At the back of his mind, he still thought he might have to go back to school and actually become a physicist. His wife was the primary breadwinner, and so when he edited Good Time, he’d set his son Cosmo in bed with a bunch of pillows surrounding him so he wouldn’t roll over, turn on the baby monitor, and work while he slept.

Last year, it was announced that Sandler would be working on a new movie with Elara Pictures, the Safdie brothers’ production company. The project would be set in the world of sports memorabilia collectors, with Megan Thee Stallion also reported to star.

Shortly after, news broke that Benny would not be directing the Sandler movie with Josh. “Elara is still there. We work on a lot of documentaries and there's just a constant flow of ideas,” Safdie says. “It just felt like, okay, there's things that I want to explore that don't necessarily align right now with Josh. So it's a divide and conquer mentality. He wants to tell this story, he can go and do that. I'm going to go and do a couple of other things. It seems like a natural progression for how things have happened.”

Mainly, he had gone away to act on several projects and work on The Curse. By the time he returned, Josh and their longtime third collaborator Ronald Bronstein, were already deep into working on the new Sandler movie. “It was just a matter of, ‘This works for me right now and this is what I've got to do,’” Safdie explains.

Elara also had a shakeup earlier this year. One of its founding producers, Sebastian Bear-McClard, was accused of sexual misconduct by multiple women. A spokesperson for the Safdies had previously said they fired him upon becoming aware of the behavior in July 2022. “It’s disgusting, and when you find out something about somebody that you didn't realize, you just have to be much more careful,” Safdie says when I ask him about the incident. “It's a lot, and it's not something that you want to have happen to anybody. And when you find it out, the one thing that you can do is really just take control.”

When we speak, Safdie is just finishing up final sound editing on The Curse. The show originated through his friendship with Fielder. Safdie had been a longtime Nathan for You enthusiast, and had even written a Cinema Scope article about his love for the show. Fielder was similarly a fan of Safdie’s. “In those initial hangouts it was clear we were on a similar wavelength,” Fielder said.“We both think a lot about tone and realism. We weren't even intending to collaborate on a project actually, it just sort of happened organically the second time we hung out.”

“We came up with the idea for The Curse and we're like, ‘This is so stupid, but it's really funny,’” Safdie explains. They kept texting and texting about it, until the bit became real.

In The Curse, Fielder and Emma Stone play a couple, while Safdie is a long-haired, turquoise jewelry-wearing HGTV producer. “They live in an area called Española, which is close to Santa Fe. And that's where they're building their new homes. They have a very different way of gentrifying the community. They want to do it ethically, and they want to do it in a way that doesn't hurt anybody. So they want to make a show about that. And you follow their lives as they're doing it,” Safdie explains. “It started out as a 30-minute comedy and became an hour-long comedy-drama.”

So he filmed Oppenheimer in the New Mexico desert and then returned to New Mexico to film The Curse for several more months. While he emerged without any turquoise jewelry, he did leave the set having purchased a ton of props from production. “I do have an insane amount of Talavera dishware, which I love. I love it so much. It brings me so much joy to look down and see the bright colors,” he says.

This enthusiasm and attention to detail saturates everything. Directing, acting, physics—they’re all connected.

“All of it is just trying to understand what this thing is that we're going through,” Safdie says. “How in the world is the universe expanding and here I am, sitting here. What's 14 billion years ago? What's time? How much time is left?”'

#Benny Safdie #Oppenheimer #Daddy Long Legs #Uncut Gems #Licorice Pizza #Stars at Noon #Are You There God It's Me Margaret #Rachel McAdams #Robert Downey Jr.#Rami Malek #Matt Damon #Edward Teller #Christopher Nolan #Cillian Murphy #Gary Oldman #Paul Thomas Anderson #The Curse #Emma Stone

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writerfae · 1 year ago

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Okay @bunnymermaidsblog so here’s how “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 fits Henry

First off, context for this song if it were about Henry is that he just came to the faerie realm.

(Putting the rest under a cut for everyone’s sanity xD)

Now let’s take a closer look to some lyrics…

“Something is familiar, like a dream I can reach but not quite hold […] I'm arriving and it feels like I am home”

When Henry leaves the village to go to the faerie realm, he’s nervous. He has never been there before, if you don’t count the literal day of his birth.

Yet instantly when he’s there, he feels like he’s finally at home. He feels familiarity and belonging. Which is strange to him and kinda hard to grasp, cause he’s never seen this place yet seems to know it.

The thing about fae is that they are very closely tied to their birthplace (the fae realm) and when they are away from it for too long, they start to miss it. They long for home, no matter how little time they spent in that realm.

“The woods are calling all of us home”, as Isleen warned Ranva once. And this is what Henry experienced, why he felt so out of place in the village and instantly feels a connection to the fae realm as he gets there.

Yet he can’t quite name this feeling, let alone understand it, thus his uncertainty.

“I have always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside”

This one is simple. Henry had always carried the secret of what he was with him. With that he indirectly blocked out people he loved, mainly Aiden, because he didn’t share this secret with him.

“Show yourself, it's your turn. Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life?”

Now with “you” you could say Henry is addressing both the pull he felt that made him go to the fae realm as well as the decision he has made itself (you could say he’s waiting for the decision’s turn to prove him he made the right choice, if that makes sense)

(Maybe he’s also addressing Callan a bit, because if you look at it, Henry now has to fully rely on Callan cause he only has him left. So maybe he’s hoping for Callan to also show him that he made the right choice)

“I've never felt so certain, all my life I've been torn. But I'm here for a reason. Could it be the reason I was born?”

This is also very much Henry cause especially in his teen years he’d been torn between his loyalty to his family and his own desires.

Even at the point where he actually leaves he’s not sure if he made the right choice.

But then he comes to the fae realm and it just feels right. It feels like this is meant to be, he suddenly KNOWS that it’s meant to be, despite his doubts.

He also feels like he’s there for a reason, like him being there has a purpose and therefore simply had to be. He doesn’t know that purpose yet, but he knows it’s important (thus potentially “the reason he was born”)

“I have always been so different, normal rules did not apply. Is this the day […] I finally find out why?”

Here we have it again, a reference to Henry’s life in the village. Where he was loved, yes, but also obviously different. At least most people in the village would agree with that.

Henry hopes that now that he’s at the faerie realm, he will finally fully understand why he is different, will finally discover who he really is as a person.

Because his mother did tell him about being a fae, yes, but there’s still questions. Many questions.

Henry’s whole journey is a lot about getting to know himself, after all.

“I'm no longer trembling. Here I am, I've come so far […]”

Henry waited for answers all his life, especially ever since his mother died. And now he’s in the fae realm and he finally gets his answers, so he’s not afraid anymore.

The next few lines is Henry starting to get used to his new life and investigating, trying to open that door that has been closed for so long.

And then it finally opens and behind it, he finds his mother. And he finds himself.

“Come, my darling, homeward bound. I am found.”

This line is very touching to me (both in the movie but especially in the Henry context) because by going back to his roots, he finds who stood at the beginning of it all. His mother.

By getting to the fae realm (and cause of his research), he got closer to the mother he lost, too. And through her, he also starts finding and recognizing himself.

“Show yourself, step into the power. Grow yourself into something new. You are the one you've been waiting for all of your (my) life”

When Henry finally has found the answers, has found himself, he grows so much as a person. He realizes that all he ever searched for all his life was his true self.

And with that knowledge comes a new confidence within him that helps him a lot in his future.

He’s as sure of himself and his origin now as he’s ever been. And all that cause he took the leap and left his village.

See, there’s many things about this song that I love and that I think fit Henry:

The search for something you can’t name and finally getting close to finding it.

The reunion with your roots and yourself via the image of a mother, carved into memory.

And then finally, to find yourself and trust in yourself, because what you’ve been looking for was within you all along.

Finally understanding, finally finding the truth within you.

Am I overanalyzing this? Most likely, yes, but that’s what you came here for, right? Anyway I hope you like this 🙈

#is it evident that I love this song and that j love giving way too long explanations about Henry? xD #I hope this makes at least a little sense to anyone who isn’t me #this is such a big point about Henry’s character and his decision to leave #he never did this because of Callan he did it for himself and in hope it would help his family too #thus Henry telling Aiden that he didn’t choose Callan over Aiden. he chose himself #writer speaks #writeblr #wip: the knights of the alder

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