#which i did block for my own personal sanity

[kaseyskat]

I think the most compelling part of dndads s2 is also the part that tends to turn people away the most and it's just How Much these teen characters act like teens. like I get it! especially after s1 where the dads were all more or less united, it's a bi jarring when you have these characters making awful decisions and fighting amongst each other and not being cohesive. but like goddd you don't get media of grown adults playing teen characters that does it as well as dndads imo! each PC is very flawed in very teenage ways, they counteract and contradict each other, they don't cooperate because they don't have the luxury of the unity that the s1 dads Had to Have and I can understand why it's a turn off but also like. it's one of the ways s2 hooked me even though it took me much longer to get into the humor and plot elements. they are teen characters! and it's just... idk. it's very nice to see.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting healthy communication?

🎨💫 <- so I can find it

For context this is about one of my exes from 2022. It was an online relationship. At the time of this story I was 19 and they (🦜) were 18. This also involves their friend (🪐) who was also 18 at the time.

When me and 🦜 met, I was 17 and they were 16. I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship with someone who had been cheating on me with 🦜. Me and 🦜 bonded over the toxicity of that person, which is how we ended up getting closer. Trauma bonding isn’t healthy, I know.

Me and 🦜 started dating in January of 2022. I was in college at the time but I ended up dropping out and moving to another state. During this time, I asked 🦜 to communicate with me if I ever did or said anything wrong, as I’m autistic and often can’t tell. I thought that 🦜 also being autistic meant they would understand, but oh how wrong I was.

Our relationship lasted from January to October of 2022. In that time, me and 🦜 only ever had one conversation about something we were upset about. I’d often ask them if they were okay, if I was doing anything wrong, if there was anything I could improve on. Every time they answered saying they were fine.

Fast forward to October 2022. I woke up to a long DM from 🦜 telling me I had been abusing them and that they were blocking me. I didn’t know what they were talking about since I had no memory of ever doing anything they were claiming I did. Their friend 🪐 had also DMed me with pretty much the same thing as 🦜. I was left completely unaware and confused about what happened until October 2023, when 🦜 and 🪐 sent out a long document about me. In it were things I never remembered doing, things that aren’t even bad at all, and things I honest to God never even did. There were some screenshots but most of it was word-of-mouth “just trust me bro”. They had even included a message from me where I had said neither of them ever communicated anything with me other than the singular time.

I made my own document, including how I had several times asked to be communicated with, and how some of the things I was being accused of were in fact things that 🦜 had done to me and were now placing onto me. Of course this got thrown around as “victim blaming”. This all took place on bird app, so of course fork found in kitchen.

If it helps at all, I suffer from dissociative amnesia, which means I often lose or “forget” chunks of time ranging from a couple minutes to whole months and years. I lost my memory of most of 2022 which makes 🦜’s accusations a lot harder for me to believe and honestly, it feels like they’re gaslighting me. I’ve been told I’m lying about things I never lied about. They were extremely toxic to me, I admit I was toxic to them as well. My trauma has been looked over in favor of banishing me from the internet.

I hope this explained this well enough. I’m a little scared 🦜 will find this if I give any more details of the situation but I’ll try to answer any questions as best I can.

Thank you for listening. I’ll 100% accept if I’m the asshole here. I just need to know for my own sanity and so I can work on myself moving forward if I am actually the asshole.

What are these acronyms?

[sleepy-sirin]

Incarnation (Honkai Star Rail x Child! Herrscher! Reader)

Summary: In which Y/n, the creation of Will of Honkai, successfully defeated her own creator with the help of her friends. After defeating the Will of Honkai, for using too much of her power she goes into a deep sleep.

Next chapter

A/n: Reader will be based on Jyahnar from GGZ

Prologue

Third POV:

They finally did it.

They finally defeated the Will of Honkai.

She finally defeated her own creator.

Back then, Y/n didn't care about humanity when she was born. Her creator simply told her to destroy humanity. Y/n woke up and considered the planet to be a fit world for her to rule, especially the vast blue ocean of the world.

Overseeing humans, Y/n concluded they are not worthy of being her slaves and used her Houkai energy to destroy the sanity of all humans alive at the time and especially whole empires to destroy themselves, ending the culture of mankind and destroying every creation made by man. After 5,000 years making the world in her image, she fell asleep in the pacific ocean

But it all changes when a certain white-haired female convinces her about humanity. She'll never forget the kindness that she receives from her no matter how Y/n almost destroys the Earth.

Y/n asked Kiana to destroy her. After the destruction, Y/n used the last remaining strength to shape a human body, expressing her longing for thousands of years.

When Houkai created her, in addition to genetically engraving the mission of exterminating mankind like other Houkai creatures, it also included other information. That is to let her come to this planet to find the trace of Kiana and to destroy humanity together with Kiana as the Messenger of the Houkai.

At the end of her life, Y/n hopes to become a human in the next life. Kiana didn't want Y/n to die like this and used the power of the saint to completely integrate the core into Y/n's human body. Y/n survived but fell into a deep sleep. Y/n promise Kiana that she will help defeat her own creator, the Will of Honkai, if they are ready to defeat it.

Right now, they all celebrate defeating the Will of Honkai and grief of the death of Seele and Sin Mal for their sacrifice.

Y/n couldn't help but feel sleepy all of a sudden, maybe because she uses too much of her powers. Bronya and Ninti notice you are sleepy and they try to wake you up.

You couldn't help but let the darkness consume you and block everyone who is calling for your name.

Y/n's POV:

Where am I?

Why is it so dark in here?

I look around to see nothing but darkness. Is this how death looks like? Is this how I die when my creator is gone, I disappear too... Maybe I shouldn't rebel the Will of Honkai with the humans if I disappear too.

But I didn't regret it. I only did it for the person that I admire, Kiana Kaslana. She's the reason why I want to save humanity, even though back then I try to persuade Kiana to destroy with humanity with me. Maybe I will get reincarnated as human, and find Kiana like I always do whenever she gets reincarnated.

I see a light above me, is it time for me to wake up now? Am I finally going to be a human? I reach out my hand to the light...

I open my eyes to see a ceiling above me, I sit up on the bed I was in and look through the window to see that I'm in space. I have no recollection sleeping through space since I always sleep in the ocean.

I saw two humans talking not far away from me, a woman who looks awfully familiar to me has bright red hair, and gold-colored eyes. She wears a white toga gown with red along the inside. A tall brown-eyed man with matching brown hair that has a small white streak. He wears a gray and white dress coat with a scarf and black armor on his chest. He also wears glasses, dark brown pants, black shoes, and a black glove on his right hand. The two humans saw that I am awake and walk to my direction.

"It looks like you're finally awake, child." The red-haired woman said.

"We have few questions for you to answer." The brown-haired male said and ask me few questions.

"What's your name?"

"Y/n."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know my age."

"Where are you from?"

"Nowhere."

"Who's your parents?"

"I don't have parents."

The old man was done asking me questions but I knew there's something he wants to ask me in private, so he told the red-haired lady that he wants to talk to me in private. The red-haired woman listen and gave us some privacy.

It was now only the two of us, the brown-haired male ask me with a serious tone in his voice:

"You're a Herrscher, aren't you?"

I smirk at the question he asks, what a smart human he is to figure out who I am.

"Yes, I am a Herrscher. What a smart human you are."

The old man backed away from me and summoned his weapon, ready to engage battle with me.

"You Herrscher shouldn't exist anymore since the Will of Honkai is gone!"

"The Will of Honkai may be gone but you have forgotten that I am the creation of the Will of Honkai! I'm the most powerful Herrscher in the universe!"

As the two of us are ready to fight, 3 new humans have entered the room and noticed that the old man is literally fighting a "human" child.

"Mr.Yang, what are you doing?!" The pink-haired girl asked in a panic voice.

The red-haired woman came back to the room who looked shocked at the scene she witnessed.

"Everyone stay back! This child is not a human but a dangerous Herrscher!" The old man said.

"Don't you get it? I'm God! I'm beyond your understanding! You can never defeat me!"

[moonlight-prose]

i think i would go bonkers for joel and ❛ it hurts that you still can’t trust me after all this time. ❜

VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE

a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for so long, but an idea struck me so i wrote it. it's messy and all over the place and probably way too short, but i'm actually okay with it. i hope you enjoy it darling! i based it on the song by etta marcus, because that whole album has my heart.

summary: the past was off limits, but at what cost?

word count: 1.1k+

pairing: joel miller x reader

warnings: not explicit, angst, grief, joel once again being emotionally unavailable, fluff, some heartfelt romance.

The city looked different from up here. Then again, the once beautiful Boston city had turned into a small few blocks radius with people who were terrified of even breathing. Everyone had lost their hope in the QZ. Their sunken eyes and gaunt frames told you just how much people were suffering, how much they would give to have just a small piece of their past back. You used to be one of them. Once.

“Hell of a view,” you said, sipping from the canteen of water you had attached to your pack.

The echo of his footsteps came up behind you, the sound familiar and comforting after spending so long with him. “I’ve seen better.” You could practically hear the smile in his voice.

You snorted, turned to see him leaning against the edge of the bridge railing, the sun glowing behind him. “Oh yeah? Where?”

“Texas had some pretty views too.”

“Ah…of course,” you replied, biting back the smile that threatened to bloom on your lips. “Do you miss it there?”

The question was a dangerous one to ask given the circumstances. You weren’t his partner, or even his lover. You were the person who tagged along behind him. Someone he would probably feel nothing for if you were to ever die or leave his side. Which left the question to hang in the air. Unanswered.

He cleared his throat, turning back to stare at the view with a different look on his face. One that told you enough. You weren’t supposed to ask those kinds of questions. The agreement you shared was simple enough; both of you were meant to work together with an ease that only came from people who were more. The both of you were supposed to keep the other alive. That was it. You didn’t divulge secrets, you didn’t bring up the past. 

What was the point? When you were both going to die eventually anyways.

You could still feel the lingering loneliness in your chest every time you looked at him. The ache that slowly ate away at your insides. Telling you that you would never be able to have more than just this—more than two people who were on the verge of breaking apart entirely. Unable to heal from the damage done to both your souls.

“We need to go,” he said, staring in the distance at the QZ. Neither of you were supposed to be here in the first place, but listening to the rules was never either of your fortes.

“Why do you do that?” you sighed, stepping away from him, adamant on catching the last few rays of the afternoon sun.

“I didn’t do—”

“You know it hurts right,” you finally admitted, unable to look at him. The sun glowed against his face, turning you breathless at the sight, and you wouldn’t be able to handle that. “It hurts that you still can’t trust me after all this time.”

His breath caught in his chest. The echo of pain in your voice breaking off a piece of his heart as he watched you struggle to fight back the flood of emotions. For months he had avoided letting you in like it was his own kind of infection. It was better to stay alone. To keep everyone at arm's length if only to save his own sanity. He knew it hurt you. Saw the crushed expression you continued to wear whenever he pulled away, but Joel was unable to do anything about it.

How could he let you in when he knew what the cost was in the end?

“I trust you.”

You scoffed, finally turning your gaze on him. The shine of unshed tears punched him in the chest. “No you don’t Joel. You never did.”

He sighed, stepping closer and half expecting you to step back, but that’s never who you were. “You know why I can’t.”

“No actually I don’t,” you muttered. “Because you never told me.”

“Honey—”

“And that’s fine. I don’t need to know your whole history, or why you’re so fucking broken. But did you ever stop to think that I’m just as broken as you Joel?” The tears that fell were hot, filled with a salty rage that he could practically taste on his tongue.

He knew bits and pieces of your history. He knew that the ring you wore on a chain around your neck used to sit on your left hand. A promise you made to another man, long before the outbreak. You had a life with that person. A home that belonged to you. Yet that was all ripped away from you on the same night it was ripped from him.

The reason he knew all of that was because you told him. You let him in to see the most vulnerable parts of you. So why couldn’t he do the same?

Breaking away from his gaze, you wiped at the tears. “Forget I said anything. It’s getting late. We need to head back before they notice we’re gone.”

Joel felt his heart drop at the prospect that this was it. This was the moment you would walk away for good. So, he grabbed onto your arm and dragged you close. He kissed you, swallowed your sharp gasp, and attempted to show you exactly how much he needed you in his life. You were his. The partner he turned to when he needed comfort, when he needed to be reminded of the person he was before all of this.

“Joel—” you gasped, your hands gripping onto his jacket.

“I will tell you,” he breathed, his forehead pressing against yours. “It’s just gonna take me some time honey. I’ve never…”

You nodded, cupping his cheeks to bring him closer. “I know.”

He shut his eyes against the sight of your smile, feeling as if he didn’t deserve the sweetness of it. Not yet at least. Tonight he would go home, explain to you what he could without breaking his own soul again, and do his best to keep you. Joel wouldn’t lose another person. He couldn’t. For now though…he admired the view of your eyes once again holding a hope he wished he could have himself.

“Hell of a view,” he murmured, his thumb running along your jaw. His breath caught at the sight of your eyes fluttering closed, your sigh of contentment rocketing to his heart.

You smiled, pulling him closer by the front of his jacket—your lips brushing against his. “Eh,” you shrugged. “I’ve seen better.”

[crimeronan]

i try not to be openly mad super often about tumblr users being obnoxious because it really is a small minority of people & i know that a lot of you guys who are Literally Perfectly Fine but also Very Anxious will be like "oh no. am i one of the people who does this."

so let me give u an example of a wildly obnoxious tumblr interaction i had a few months ago. that sticks with me.

at one point i locked the rbs on a house MD post that had gotten a few thousand notes. no one had done anything wrong or bad, but the post was starting to breach containment into discourse that i find pretty upsetting/draining, so i preemptively shut it down. for the sake of my own sanity.

a few weeks after i did this, some tumblr user who does not follow me commented

"OP TURN ON THE REBLOGS"

hm.

hmmm.

to which i responded, "no 💕"

and they said, "why not?? :("

frowny face included btw. apparently it was incomprehensible to them that i might not comply with an all-caps command from a total stranger.

i replied "because i don't want to 💕" and left it at that. as is my right.

this apparently vexed the tumblr user. who left three long and increasingly nasty messages about how i have a shitty attitude and i'm a shit person who's shit at interacting with people who's "so unserious." i do not remember the exact wording of anything except "you're so fucking unserious" because i was like. Hello.

at this point i simply blocked the tumblr user and deleted their comments and my responses to them. i do this frequently on my popular posts. when i get comments that annoy me or people start debating in the notes, i just delete Aaall that shit. and block everyone involved. not in my house!!

if you are a person who can understand where this interaction went wrong, and who cannot conceive of approaching an internet stranger in this manner, then you are Probably not one of the people who drives us fucking crazy. (and chances are that if you HAVE annoyed someone, it was over something pretty minor and low-stakes.)

the wildest thing is that if this person had just said "hey, could you turn on rbs for a few minutes?? i want this on my blog," I WOULD'VE SAID YES....? WHY WOULDN'T I. YOU KNOW.

sometimes. the internet. is.

.....taxing.

[kirain]

I've been on this site for over ten years and I've never had to do this, but sadly the time has come where I feel forced to make a call out post, if only for the safety of my blog.

Please do not harass this person. PLEASE DO NOT HARASS THEM! That is not my goal here. That said, I do suggest you avoid them at all costs, for your own safety and sanity.

A few days ago, I made a post responding to some anonymous hate I received regarding Gale Dekarios, a character from BG3. An account named Turtwg, who has now changed her name to Shdowheart, took issue with the content and tone of my post. Instead of simply blocking me, she attacked me and several other people in the notes, and accused me of sending the anon to myself.

I responded, arguing against her accusations and a few other remarks she made. Just typical fandom discourse. Or so I thought.

I regret it now (only because I've lost some evidence), but I deleted many of her and my messages. They were clogging up my post and veering extremely off topic, but eventually she admitted I didn't send the anon to myself. When I asked her how she knew that, she said she traced the anon to a Gale-centric account. You see, she believed the anon wasn't sent by an Astarion fan, but by a Gale fan trying to create discourse. In a normal situation, I'd say that's a fair assumption for anyone to make, but something seemed off.

First of all, despite several people telling her it's not possible to track down blogs through their anonymous messages, she insisted she found the user responsible—which honestly made me wonder if she sent the anon herself, hoping to create drama. If she did, then mission accomplished, I guess. We messaged back and forth in the notes for a while, with me commenting on both the impossibility and morality of tracking down an anonymous user. During that time, her responses to me were lightning fast. Constant. Remember that for later.

Second, she soon told me she had the anon's IP address, which she said she'd "happily send me". I told her an IP address doesn't prove anything because it can be photoshopped and a lot of people use VPNs. I also pointed out how utterly insane it is to dox/cyberstalk someone over a post about a video game. It's really not that serious. But out of sheer curiosity, I told her to give me the blog name. Not because I believed her, but because I was curious to see if she'd accuse a popular blog or someone who could defend themselves. The moment I asked, she went silent for nearly an hour. 🤔

When she came back, she gave me the name of an account called Dekariosbf. She told me to message the account, so I did, though I made no accusations against them yet. As I waited for a reply, I accused Turtwg of making the account herself, as it was barren with no activity whatsoever. No likes, no posts, nothing. She easily could've created the account during that hour of peace. Moreover, after she gave me the account name and I accused her of creating it, her responses were once again lightning fast. 🤔

As we argued, I sent my brother-in-law and a friend of mine a link to my blog and had them read through the discourse. They don't have Tumblr accounts, but they're both computer nerds and my brother-in-law literally works with computers/programs for a living. I asked them if anything Turtwg said was valid, and they (along with someone else in the notes who claimed to work in UI/UX) confirmed that no, absolutely nothing she said was valid. Tumblr pays for a service that protects their users, and the only way to trace anons is by using extremely unsavory and illegal methods ... and even then it's extremely unlikely to work.

Speaking of, my brother-in-law eventually messaged me and told me he found the actual account that sent the anon. I stupidly believed him and jumped the gun on that, because it turns out he was just being a shit disturber. That said, I used this information to call Turtwg out on her lies. In response, Dekariosbf miraculously (and in a rather timely fashion) responded to me. Unfortunately I don't have any screenshots of this interaction, but I'll explain why in a moment.

Dekariosbf was chatty and cordial at first. I asked them for their main account name, but they refused to give it, saying they only use it for poetry; which, as you can see from the screenshot, directly contradicts their bio, but I digress. I was suspicious, but also kept in mind the possibility that this might've been an innocent person Turtwg accused. For a while we shot the shit, talking back and forth about BG3, reading, teaching—but I did this for a reason. I wanted to get a feel for their writing style. Sure enough, they wrote exactly like Turtwg. Same spelling mistakes, same pattern of punctuation, same use of lower case letters instead of capital letters, same abbreviations, etc.

Finally, when I was sure it was her, I dropped the bomb. I very gently told "Dekariosbf" that someone named Turtwg accused them of sending me a hateful Gale anon, but that I didn't believe it. Low and behold, they did a complete 180.

"Yes, it was me. It was totally me. I just LOVE your blog and RESPECT you so much. I LOVE Gale and I wanted to know what you'd say if I sent that anon. It wasn't meant to be hateful. Please don't write a call out post about me. Please don't tell your followers. I mean, I understand if you do, but please don't. Turtwg messaged me and threatened to dox me and sent me a photo of my IP address. She's so smart, I don't think you should mess with her. Oh and my mom can't speak English. If we get doxxed, I think it would kill her."

Right...

I said I didn't believe them and accused them of being Turtwg on a sock account. They kept insisting they weren't, begged me to believe they sent the anon (and I mean they were desperate for me to believe it), and very strangly didn't express any anger or confusion over the situation. When I brought up the accusation, they completely changed their tone from friendly to "oh yeah, that was me". I kept saying I didn't believe them, particularly because of what my brother-in-law said, but promised not to call any attention to them. I was happy to simply let the matter rest. Suddenly, mid conversation, they deleted their entire blog. Poof. It's gone now, along with all our messages.

I thought that would be the end of it, but not even five minutes after Dekariosbf flung themselves into the void, Turtwg herself DMed me out of nowhere and accused me of trying to hack her account, presumably because I told "Dekariosbf" that my brother-in-law is computer savvy. Keep in mind that before this moment, our entire conversation took place in the notes of my post. I never DMed her, nor did I have any intention of doing so. I also had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, I just knew she was lying to me. Now it looks as though she's ramping up to lie to the Tumblr admins in order to get my account deleted.

And all because my post about a video game made her angry.

I really hate drawing attention to this. You can see in my other posts that I always censor people's usernames, but as I said at the beginning ... I don't feel like I have a choice this time. I want this up so the Tumblr admins or whoever can see it.

Turtwg has attacked other people for posting their opinions as well. For example, she attacked this person just because they expressed their opinon on wyllsterion. She went so far as to call them racist when Wyll is literally one of their favourite characters. She just got mad because they don't think Wyll and Astarion make sense together; a perfectly valid opinion. And I only know about this because I received messages warning me about interacting with Turtwg/Shdowheart from someone who recognised them in the notes of my post.

I guess I should've blocked her from the start, but I've said many times in the past that I enjoy a good debate. Plus I was genuinely curious to see how far she was willing to take her lie. Unfortunately, I underestimated just how unhinged she truly is. On her own blog, she's even admitted that she's had to make a new account seven times, likely due to other drama she started.

I was very hesitant to put this in the BG3 tags, but since that seems to be the fandom she interacts with the most, I figured it would be a fair warning to anyone else she might harass. She's particularly active in the Astarion/Wyll/Wyllsterion tags. Stay safe, everyone. I think I'll sign off for a while. I'm tired, and this has somehow become the most toxic fandom I've ever dared to be a part of.

Please do not harass this person. PLEASE DO NOT HARASS THEM! That is not my goal here. That said, I do suggest you avoid them at all costs, for your own safety and sanity.

[lovecolibri]

https://www.tumblr.com/lovecolibri/763019097825050624/am-i-a-loser-for-fearing-that-this-will-be-like-bt

I also want to say for this anon, because if they are just seeing that fandom bragging then they probably didn’t see the fact that Tim didn’t just share a review from a BT positive reviewer. Nor did he go looking for it. One of them once again decided to bother him and sent it to him.

But even then, it truly wasn’t that bad. They still reviewed the entire episode and all of the characters and was honestly pretty fair in the review. But when it came to Tommy’s scene in 8.1, yes you had no doubt they were pro Tommy because they reviewed what happened but also injected their hopes for his character.

But that said, it’s not the only review Tim has shared. He has shared multiple other reviews of 8.1; including one from Whitney, a very pro buddie journalist. And they have upon going to look as I write this, all gotten more engagement then the one from the pro BT reviewer. It’s also not new for Tim to share this. Last season he was sharing multiple reviews of the episodes on Facebook as well. And like you mentioned, it’s doubtful he reads them all in full if at all (we can gather this form the man himself since he confessed when thet fandom was trying to say him sharing their string theory video was game over for buddie that he just shares things sometimes that he’s sent to be polite but doesn’t actually look at them)

Another thing to point out is for the ratings of the episode, Tim’s first post about them was using the fan run 911 news (not to be confused with 911bts who is neutral) post, and the person running that is very much pro buddie and what feels like public enemy 1 to that fandom these days.

These are all things if you’re only seeing what they brag about you won’t see because it goes against their supposed “win”. Trust me today was not the big win they claim it to have been lol. (Also looking at you Oliver resharing the video and cutting it off right before that man showed up 😂)

Hey, thanks Nonnie! As I said in my post, I don't really know or follow what that man says or does because I tend to doom spiral and I need to Not Look for my own sanity and peace of mind. I see some things and what my trusted mutuals post about it, so I didn't know a lot of this!

Thanks for the info and for clarifying some stuff and this is also a friendly reminder that if you block those people and filter those tags you won't have to see any of the shit they are saying which can be nice! I know some people worry about only seeing one side of things and then getting blindsided by the show doing something they may have been prepared for otherwise, but blocking and filtering is always an option! (Honestly, my biggest fear is that I'll go into the tag or be poking around and reblog something from a T stan blog that I didn't know was being awful all this time just because EYE never saw any of their shit because I have it all blocked 🤣)

The lesson here is curate your experience however you need to have the experience you want to have. Some people WANT the drama and want to know what the other side is saying and that's valid! But if it's not working for you, find something that does! If you just need a hit of positivity before going back to the trenches, check out some posts in the Buddie tags or read some Buddie fics! It's never all doom and gloom OR sunshine and roses on either side, don't let anyone fool you!

Thanks for popping over with the info, Nonnie!

[bagely]

HI! this is a translation of a fanfic I already published in AO3 but, I'm trying to prove myself and write in english, Soo yeah my first lenguaje it's not english is Spanish and because of that this work would have some mistakes 😬 sorry for that I do my best but I'm still just learning, so you can correct me, I would appreciate that.

Oh, and its in Missa's pov

Title: Can I have your number?

Words: 2,009

Ao3 link:

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

I walked through the door of the small university café, feeling the warm aroma of coffee fill my senses.

The barista, whose name is Starboby, was very welcoming, and there was nothing strange about her until I saw the bar where someone was preparing coffee with their back turned. I didn't recognize that haircut or the same tone, and I could say that with certainty since I had worked part-time at this place many times before.

«It seems like Roier has hired someone new» I thought, as I didn't recognize any of Roier's blonde friends. There weren't many people in the place, it was still very early. I adjusted my hair, which was longer than usual and a bit uncomfortable.

I walked confidently to the bar, and the barista turned around when she heard my steps and stood in front of me, several meters away. I stopped instantly.

"Oh, I didn't hear you," he said with a warm and cheerful voice while smiling at me. "Do you need anything?"

He was gathering some hair into a ponytail, and her deep blue eyes stirred something within me.

«WHY IS HE SO HANDSOME» I started feeling my heart stop or perhaps start beating so fast that I couldn't measure it myself.

"Uhm... I...just–" I was trying to forced myself to talk. I took a step back and said, "uh... I forgot something... I, uhm... goodbye"

Did I run away or walk very fast? I don't know, the point is that I was already two blocks away from that café. I slap myself.

«Missa, why do you always embarrass yourself? Fool, idiot, idiot...» I wanted to hit myself harder.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

A few days had passed, and I had "forgotten" (or rather ignored to maintain my sanity) that encounter at the café.

Rivers, a classmate, ask me if we want to do some homework together, and since my house was a mess due to my lack of organization, she decided it would be better to go to Starboby, Roier's café at the university. And here I am again, and he is here.

If someone asked me to organize the 5 most embarrassing moments of my life, what happened in this café a few days ago would occupy the top 5 places.

I'm behind my computer while looking at him, hoping he doesn't notice. After half an hour in the place, I only know one thing about him, and that is his name, which is Philza, and I only know that because I noticed the shiny name tag that I didn't see on my first visit.

I want to ask for his number... I would love to be able to get up and approach him, act like a normal person, and just talk to him, but at this point, I'm sure he thinks I'm a weirdo. I am a weirdo, but I don't like to think that he knows it.

"You could ask Roier for his number," Rivers brought one of her pens to my face and started poking my cheek with it insistently.

"And seem like a stalker? No, thanks," I replied in a somewhat annoyed tone because of what she was doing to my face, but I couldn't complain much anyway since I'm a bit behind on our task.

"Sure, you don't want to seem weird to your boyfriend," she started sarcastically, and she moved away from me in her chair while rolling her eyes. "Okay, be subtle and keep staring at him like a crow."

"I'm not...–" I don't even know what I was about to say because my mind freeze when my eyes were caught by his.

«Did he notice?» I felt a bit scared, I immediately looked away, but I heard a slight laugh coming from him. «he got me.» my face is completely red. I couldn't look in his direction for the rest of the afternoon, which was beneficial for Rivers since we were able to finish some work in one day and organize the ones we have left.

I started packing up my things to leave the café, and I felt someone behind me. My body tensed up when I turned around and saw him there. Time felt slow as he handed me a piece of paper. «His number?» That thought made me blush again until I looked down to see the piece of paper he had given me.

"Thank you for coming," he smiled at me, well, at us, Rivers is still here saddly "Again."

I'm sure that last part is for me, but he only gave me a receipt, just a receipt.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Today the café is a bit more crowded, it's rush hour, so I should have expected it. The line is at least 10 people long, and when it's my turn, I find myself too excited. I'm at the front, and I see him. He smiles at me but turns and moves away behind a door to the back. I'm late.

"Missa, what's up?" Roier is now at the bar, smiling at me as if he had just heard the best joke in the world. "Have you seen my new barista?" The look Roier gave me was so indiscreet that I almost hit him, it's obvious that Rivers told him everything.

I restrain any aggressive impulse that grows within me because if I expose myself more than I already am, I'm sure he won't leave me alone.

"Cold coffee, and remember to sweeten it well... You always make it a bit bitter," I tell him, completely avoiding the topic.

He laughs and turns around to start doing what I asked. I lower my head to the counter where the desserts are, I only came to the place for coffee and to see Phil, but it wouldn't hurt to have a donut anyway, one of the things I wanted to see wasn't there, I need a consolation prize.

"Are you ordering something?" That voice makes my heart skip a beat, and it makes me lift my head to see Philza on the other side of the bar with his ever-present kind and reassuring smile. I could die at that moment and be satisfied. "Didn't he finish his shift? Oh, it doesn't matter, my prayers were answered," I say.

"Yes," I say, perhaps a bit too loud.

"Phil! I see you've met Missa," Roier's joyful voice also stirs my guts, but in an unpleasant way, as I'm sure of what's coming.

"Oh, yeah, I've talked to him before," Philza replied, nodding.

I'm not saying anything, and it's awkward because this conversation is about me, but I can't do it, everything in me prevents me from commenting on what's happening.

"You need to treat him well" Roier speaks again, and I have the urge to run away from there, again. "He's not new here, he's one of our most loyal part-timers. A VIP customer," Roier says.

"Roier, no, don't exaggerate," I finally speak, looking into the brown eyes and begging him with my eyes to shut up for once.

"I see," Philza laughs, I notice how easy it seems to make that man laugh, which defensively doesn't bother me, I would love to hear that laughter for longer. I look at him again, and he returns the gaze. "I'll take good care of him then."

If he continues to be like that, I'll probably have a heart attack and die.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

It's almost the end of autumn, which means it's been a month since I met Philza, and I still haven't asked for his number. But I'm making progress, I'm at the point where I can say a complete sentence without stuttering. Anyway, I'm sure he thinks I'm weird because that's the only part of my personality that I've shown him throughout this month.

I'm at the café again, but I'm smart and learn from my mistakes. I don't go to the café during hours when I'm sure Roier will be there. I made that mistake twice, the last time was last week, and the man managed to embarrass me by telling Phil about all my mistakes when I was a rookie.

I'm not hiding behind my laptop this time; I'm "reading" a book. I read on the internet that people who look intelligent are more attractive, and I must use everything I can to my advantage.

Although I haven't talked to him much, I now know a few more things about Phil than just his name. For example, he's 25 years old, which means he's only three years older than me, and apparently, he knows Roier from his boyfriend, and knowing Cellbit's great social skills, he's probably a classmate or a fellow student.

Among the little things I know, I also managed to ask him if he's dating someone in the most discreet way possible, which means I told Rivers to ask him, and I was next to her to listen, and miraculously, the answer was no. I had never felt luckier in my life. I think I almost screamed when I found out, almost because I managed to maintain my composure as much as I could.

"Are you going to order something?" His voice, his terribly charming voice, snapped me out of my thoughts. I didn't realize when he had approached me, placing his hand on the table in front of me.

«Your number» I didn't say it. I wish I had said it. Damn it.

"I'm... I'm fine, you know, just chill.. yeah.." I said, and I'm sure that every word coming out of my mouth It's getting worse and worse.

"Right " He said, and I felt something strange inside me when he sighed after speaking.

Phil seems very committed to his work, he always comes to ask me if I need anything, even if there are several people around. It's very admirable.

He's about to lift his hand from the table and walk away, but I don't want him to. There's no one else here, and a force that I hadn't felt all month pulls my hand, tugging at the sleeve of his white shirt, back to the table.

I turn to look at him, and that momentary force leaves my body.

"Yes?" He asks with a lopsided smile that suits him torturously well.

My eyes sink to the ground. I can only see his shoes and mine.

"Uh could you...uhm" I'm sure I must look like an elf, with my ears burning from the amount of embarrassment I feel. "Can I have your number?" Somehow, that sentence came out in full.

"I already gave it to you."

"WHAT?" I shout. Because there's no other way to express what was going through my head at that moment. I'm trying and searching through hundreds of memories if that ever happened and I have nothing...

"You threw it in the trash, I thought you had rejected me and now you were just giving me confusing signals." Well, with that, I raised my head, he still looked calm, only with a hint of blush almost imperceptible on his cheeks.

"Who was giving confusing signals to who?" My brain was melted, or maybe I was swapped in the middle of the night into someone else's life because all those things he says don't make sense. "Me rejecting you? I'm not insane."

He laughs, and I feel the atmosphere lighten. "Well, you did it." He speaks through clenched teeth, holding back laughter. "When you were with your friend, I gave it to you on the back of the receipt and you threw it in the trash."

«Idiot, idiot, idiot, WHY DIDN'T I SEE THE BACK?»

"I... I didn't see it." His hand goes to my cheek, and his face begins to approach.

«Am I dreaming?» I'm completely paralyzed.

He lightly taps his forehead against mine and then takes a few steps back, but I stand up so we're still close. He takes my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.

"Dumb" He says to me in that charming tone of voice that I'm sure I'll never get tired of.

[artfightdramaconfessions]

I've gotten an attack that three friends have said appears to be traced/that the person's *other work* looks really traced, and honestly, yeah. Mine isn't that bad, but some of their attacks are a lot more suspicious.

To be honest, I'm already kind of burnt out and I don't want to revenge it, but I made the mistake of promising revenges. I know I still don't owe people anything, but I feel like I'm struggling to get engagement already and I don't want to make myself look bad/unreliable if anyone looks into it.

I thought about reporting, but my friend and I were unable to find the image they think my attack was traced from. We don't have any evidence besides some red flags in the technical aspects of the art. I'd also feel very bad if we're wrong and they get in trouble anyways.

Also, as an aside: the fact that they may be tracing, plus some other things that I can't say for the sake of their anonymity, kinda give me the vibes of them being a minor, and the attack they did for me is suggestive, which makes me uncomfortable on top of it being against the rules if I'm right. But again, no proof. I REALLY hope that hunch is wrong, especially.

Anyways chat, I'm not sure what to do. I think I might just soft block for my own sanity because I don't have the energy to be overthinking this, honestly.

.

[mauesartetc]

Heya!

I was wondering what is your opinion on the Lucifer's "new" design for hazbin hotel. I really want to know because up to this point I have not seen a design get so much hate. At least on twitter that is. What makes the hate towards it a little weird to me is that you can see his design in a painting in the pilot and there wasn't any hate towards it. At least none that I know of.

(Also the fact that some of the people that dislike the "new" design call him Satan instead Lucifer. Even though they are supposed to be two different people in this universe lol. At that what I heard.)

Yeah, I try to avoid Twitter slap-fights as much as possible since I value my sanity and my limited time on this earth. I have been apprised of the Lucifer situation, though.

I'm wondering if the folks who are so incensed even saw the portrait in the pilot. Or maybe they did, but didn't know Lucifer was the one depicted in it. So this would basically be their first time seeing this design, and it's a huge letdown for them. Or maybe they're just sick and tired of seeing the same old design tropes reused over and over in the same show and this was their breaking point. Maybe a combination of the above.

Gotta say, though, I'd be surprised if anyone aware of the original were genuinely stunned that the team barely changed anything. This has been the pattern for, what, the past 2-3 reveals now? Are y'all really shocked?

But putting the hate train aside, blocking out the noise: How does the design hold up on its own merits?

I will say the snake on the new version’s hat looks more like a snake than a worm, which is a point in its favor. The crown is... an okay addition? I guess? It’s clear they’re trying to get the whole “king” thing across, but the crown/top hat combo feels too reminiscent of Stolas, and the very similar crown design doesn’t help matters. Here’s where some more visual research would come in handy: There’s more than one style of crown in the world, guys. 

A few historic crowns I found interesting were the UK’s Imperial State Crown, the Imperial Crown of Russia, and Napoleon’s coronation crown, which, funny enough, he called the Crown of Charlemagne (like Charlie Magne, the original name of Lucifer’s daughter in this universe). If we combine elements of these crowns and move away from the top hat, we can lean harder into that king shit.

I still agree with the person who asserted that pentagrams and inverted crosses are “basic” demonic symbols, but if they’re still running rampant in the Hazbin environment, might as well be consistent. (And at least the more unexpected symbols of the apple and snake balance them out.) It’s a first draft and my main concern with this version is the line mileage, but at least now the dude looks a bit more kingly.

(Also, yes, Lucifer and Satan would be two different demons in this universe. Helluva Boss making Asmodeus the ruler of the Lust ring suggests that this world operates on Binsfeld’s classification of demons, which links Lucifer to the sin of pride and Satan to the sin of wrath.)

[denimbex1986]

'As a director, Benny Safdie makes sleazy movies about hustlers and gamblers and criminals and strivers. Films that teem with violence and drugs, while a pulsating anxiety yanks you through a gritty underbelly of a New York you thought no longer existed.

But today? We’re about as far from that seediness as you can get. On his suggestion, we meet up at the Upper West Side deli institution Barney Greengrass. The tree-lined blocks around here are stately and idyllic, tucked between Central Park and the Hudson River. Safdie, 37, is dressed in full dadcore: glasses, striped tee, jeans, Tevas. (Tevas!) He has the personality to match, with a warmth and gregariousness that initially catch you way off guard. This is the guy responsible for Uncut Gems?

“My go-to meal here was pastrami, eggs, and Mun-chee cheese. But Mun-chee cheese doesn't exist anymore,” Safdie laments. “Nobody bought it.” He opts for a sesame bagel with butter instead.

This neighborhood is his home turf, and his favorite place in the world. He spent his childhood ping-ponging between an unstable environment with his father in Queens, then comfortable normalcy with his mother and stepdad on the Upper West Side.

As a younger man, he did a brief stint living downtown. “I looked out, I'm like, There's no trees. I didn't realize how important that is to my sanity,” he remembers. Now he and his wife, Ava, are raising their two boys, Cosmo, 7, and Murray, 4, up here.

Safdie made his name in tandem with his older brother Josh, the two perpetually mentioned in the same breath for their idiosyncratic, independent films reminiscent of the heyday of New Hollywood. Daddy Long Legs (2009) was mined from their own misadventures with an irresponsible father. (Safdie says he tends to have a more critical view of their upbringing than Josh and, though he still talks to their dad, “it can be strained.”) Good Time (2017), with Robert Pattinson as a small-time criminal and Benny as his mentally disabled brother, raised their profile.

And then came 2019’s Uncut Gems, the heart-pounding thriller starring Adam Sandler as a diamond-dealing gambling addict, which planted the Safide brothers firmly at the center of the culture. The success that followed changed everything.

“That was the first time where I had a vision beyond four feet in front of me,” Safdie says.

What does that vision look like? For Safdie, it means pursuing an increasingly successful acting career. He’s branched out on his own, diverging from the brother he’s been working with his entire life. Many actors go on to become directors; it’s much rarer for the opposite to happen. Even the few who do make the jump—say, John Huston—end up being remembered more for their first career.

Safdie, though, possesses a chameleonic talent, so much so that every role of his feels like a genuine surprise. Perhaps you saw him pop up in Paul Thomas Anderson’s ‘70s Valley vibefest Licorice Pizza as Joel Wachs, a closeted councilman. Or in Claire Denis’s Stars at Noon as an eerily nefarious CIA man (character’s name: CIA Man). Or as a Jedi in Obi-Wan Kenobi. Or, earlier this year, in—wait a second—the film adaptation of Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume’s seminal tome about a preteen girl coming of age.

Safdie’s downtown cred, the A24-ness of it all, maybe didn’t make him the most natural casting choice for Margaret’s dad Herb on paper. “It always delights me when people find out he's in the movie. Just their total shock,” the film’s director, Kelly Fremon Craig told me.

Rachel McAdams, who plays Margaret’s mom, told me in an email that she first met Safdie at a screening he hosted for Uncut Gems. “He was so lovely and effusive with such a gentle, open energy about him,” she said. “I remember my brain not quite being able to compute that guy with the same guy who just put me through one of the most stressful movie-watching experiences of my life.”

Safdie sees acting as a way to delve into certain aspects of himself that he hasn’t had an outlet for otherwise. Playing a dad, for instance. “That's a big part of my personality that I haven't yet had the chance to explore in my own work,” he says. His experience as a director also makes him considerably less neurotic about his own performances. Watching himself in the editing room? Having a big line in a scene cut? No problem—he’s been on the other side, and he gets it.

Now, Safdie has his biggest role yet, a meaty part in Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan’s wildly anticipated summer blockbuster about the father of the atomic bomb. Safdie plays Edward Teller, opposite Cillian Murphy’s J. Robert Oppenheimer. Teller was a controversial figure, a Hungarian theoretical physicist who would go on to testify against Oppenheimer in later years.

The cast of Oppenheimer is comically stacked: Robert Downey Jr., Matt Damon, Gary Oldman, Rami Malek, to name a few. Nolan was looking for someone fresh and unexpected to play Teller. He had initially seen Safdie in Good Time and then Licorice Pizza. “I called Paul [Thomas Anderson] and I asked about Benny, and he gave him the strongest possible endorsement and pointed out that he's an incredible actor, but also just a wonderful guy,” Nolan told me.

There was also a bit of fate sprinkled in. Safdie had studied physics at Boston University—almost became a physicist, in fact, before he swerved off into filmmaking. Oppenheimer would allow him to combine his two passions, to dive into yet another deep interest that had otherwise not merged with his film career. It would also require him to wear layers of makeup, to have his hair straightened every day until he could hear it sizzle, and to do accent work for the first time. Safdie put off sharing his speech progress with Nolan for as long he could, until he couldn’t. Finally, he sent the director a voice memo of himself describing his breakfast in a thick Hungarian accent.

“When he sent me that recording, I listened to it about a thousand times and very much enjoyed it,” Nolan said.

Teller could have been written as a straight antagonist to Oppenheimer, but instead Nolan used him to inject rare moments of levity throughout the film. (There is one memorable scene in which Safdie slathers sunscreen all over his face before the first nuclear bomb test.) “For the tragedy of that relationship to have resonance, you have to have seen a warmth there and something between them that's more of a brotherly relationship,” Nolan said. “And I felt that Benny could really bring that to the role and give it that warmth.”

“[He’s] such a kind and gentle fella,” Cillian Murphy told me of Safdie. Much has been made of how intense the film is—take a look at any number of harrowing promotional shots of Murphy in character looking like the most haunted man of all time. In between takes, he said it always seemed as if he ended up talking to Safdie.

“You keep the atmosphere light and joke around because I feel you need to be in a relaxed state to act. Your heart rate needs to be low, your cortisol levels need to be low,” Murphy said. “And that's why I think I probably gravitated towards Benny.”

Safdie is obsessed with realism. It checks out, considering how so many characters in his movies were just ordinary people plucked off the street. That sensibility has followed him into his performances.

Eating, for instance. It drives him nuts when people don’t eat on camera. “I hate it when people don't eat,” he says, tearing into his bagel. “It destroys me.” When he filmed a dinner scene in Licorice Pizza, he made sure to eat in every take. “I don't know how many tiramisus I ate, but it must have been 30,” he says. Same thing happened in The Curse, his secretive upcoming Showtime series with Nathan Fielder and Emma Stone about a couple producing an HGTV show: “Sixty chips in one take, and we must have had nine takes…”

“It wasn't just the nine bags of chips,” Fielder told me in an email. “Any scene that involved food, everyone would pace themselves on the first take.… But Benny for some reason would keep shoving food in his mouth the entire scene ’cause he thought it would be funnier. And he was right. There was one scene where he ate an entire Chinese buffet plate every single take for 15 takes and he would always match the exact same volume of food. You'd think any sane person would eat a couple less popcorn shrimp each time as the takes went on. But he wouldn't.”

And then there’s the crying. Safdie tends to cry when he gets into character—thinking of all the things he might be feeling if he were in that person’s shoes. When Adam Sandler, in Uncut Gems, had to weep, dejected, that he was “so sad and so fucked up,” it was Safdie who went into his trailer to pump him up.

“In a weird way, there's nothing better than being able to do that in front of people because it's usually a very private moment that you're ashamed of and you don't want to show anybody. But to actually get the opportunity to show people what it's like when you're really sad,” Safdie recalls saying. “And then I started crying. He goes, ‘You got to stop. Can you take it easy?’”

Before Uncut Gems, even with a handful of celebrated movies under his belt, a film career didn’t feel truly viable. At the back of his mind, he still thought he might have to go back to school and actually become a physicist. His wife was the primary breadwinner, and so when he edited Good Time, he’d set his son Cosmo in bed with a bunch of pillows surrounding him so he wouldn’t roll over, turn on the baby monitor, and work while he slept.

Last year, it was announced that Sandler would be working on a new movie with Elara Pictures, the Safdie brothers’ production company. The project would be set in the world of sports memorabilia collectors, with Megan Thee Stallion also reported to star.

Shortly after, news broke that Benny would not be directing the Sandler movie with Josh. “Elara is still there. We work on a lot of documentaries and there's just a constant flow of ideas,” Safdie says. “It just felt like, okay, there's things that I want to explore that don't necessarily align right now with Josh. So it's a divide and conquer mentality. He wants to tell this story, he can go and do that. I'm going to go and do a couple of other things. It seems like a natural progression for how things have happened.”

Mainly, he had gone away to act on several projects and work on The Curse. By the time he returned, Josh and their longtime third collaborator Ronald Bronstein, were already deep into working on the new Sandler movie. “It was just a matter of, ‘This works for me right now and this is what I've got to do,’” Safdie explains.

Elara also had a shakeup earlier this year. One of its founding producers, Sebastian Bear-McClard, was accused of sexual misconduct by multiple women. A spokesperson for the Safdies had previously said they fired him upon becoming aware of the behavior in July 2022. “It’s disgusting, and when you find out something about somebody that you didn't realize, you just have to be much more careful,” Safdie says when I ask him about the incident. “It's a lot, and it's not something that you want to have happen to anybody. And when you find it out, the one thing that you can do is really just take control.”

When we speak, Safdie is just finishing up final sound editing on The Curse. The show originated through his friendship with Fielder. Safdie had been a longtime Nathan for You enthusiast, and had even written a Cinema Scope article about his love for the show. Fielder was similarly a fan of Safdie’s. “In those initial hangouts it was clear we were on a similar wavelength,” Fielder said.“We both think a lot about tone and realism. We weren't even intending to collaborate on a project actually, it just sort of happened organically the second time we hung out.”

“We came up with the idea for The Curse and we're like, ‘This is so stupid, but it's really funny,’” Safdie explains. They kept texting and texting about it, until the bit became real.

In The Curse, Fielder and Emma Stone play a couple, while Safdie is a long-haired, turquoise jewelry-wearing HGTV producer. “They live in an area called Española, which is close to Santa Fe. And that's where they're building their new homes. They have a very different way of gentrifying the community. They want to do it ethically, and they want to do it in a way that doesn't hurt anybody. So they want to make a show about that. And you follow their lives as they're doing it,” Safdie explains. “It started out as a 30-minute comedy and became an hour-long comedy-drama.”

So he filmed Oppenheimer in the New Mexico desert and then returned to New Mexico to film The Curse for several more months. While he emerged without any turquoise jewelry, he did leave the set having purchased a ton of props from production. “I do have an insane amount of Talavera dishware, which I love. I love it so much. It brings me so much joy to look down and see the bright colors,” he says.

This enthusiasm and attention to detail saturates everything. Directing, acting, physics—they’re all connected.

“All of it is just trying to understand what this thing is that we're going through,” Safdie says. “How in the world is the universe expanding and here I am, sitting here. What's 14 billion years ago? What's time? How much time is left?”'

[the-arson-author-gamer]

How Likely Each Stardew Valley Villager Would Give Me Drugs If I Asked For It 

(and other related matters)

Ok, before I begin, this wasn't an original idea, I got inspired, and unlike some people (ssstalkerwolf) I like to give credit. So here it is!

Either way, after watching a video by the stardew youtuber, Nino Kito (go subscribe) and reading the article that he read (which is hilarious by the way), I essentially went 'could I do this in my own way?'

And I did.

I find it worth it to at least read the article before you read this because there are some references and I think one should go back to the original source if they can.

Also, this was for fun, and my own amusement watching my friends slowly lose their perception of who I am as a person.

As you can already tell, this is going to be long, so everything will be under the cut for the remaining sanity of you and myself after I post it.

#45: Jas

First, a literal child. Second, she knows what drugs are, and it would traumatize her for life if you asked because she absolutely knows what drugs do to Marnie after her 3-day work week and Shane after another depressing night at the saloon. That kid can’t witness another addiction come into place, her childlike whimsy is depleting at a rapid pace.

#44: Vincent

90% sure that this kid doesn’t even understand the concept of war, let alone what weed is and why mom keeps getting upset when dad doesn’t act paranoid for once in his very sad life. There’s no sense asking him if he doesn’t even know what it is, which is why he places above Jas, who knows what drugs are. If the kid ever learned how to read within the several years you’ve been in the valley, he might learn what it is, but that chance is highly unlikely considering Penny’s report cards, so you’re safe for now. Or at least until he asks Jodi.

#43: Leo

Leo’s third because that’s also a kid, but also because Vincent could figure out what drugs are, Leo will never. Considering all the research done on the few surviving feral children (because society keeps fucking it up) it is even a wonder that Leo can still speak, let alone read. That kid will just squawk at you like a fucking parrot. Another waste of your precious time, but at least you aren’t potentially traumatizing any more children than you have to for your drug quest.

#42: Jodi

Christian stay-at-home housewife to a man of war? Jodi gives me homophobe vibes, let alone you asking for a bit of the good stuff. That woman is calling you the spawn of Satan and then tries to hit you with her purse. You get away easily because beating up monsters in the mines does wonders, but you aren’t seeing the likes of Vincent ever again, considering we all know how those people are. You can still see Sam, but that’s because her closeted bisexual son knows how to evade her and how to get easy drugs (Sebastian).

#41: Demetrius

Yeah, Demetrius could cook up meth like Walter White but the dude’s a wet blanket. Not only will he say no, but the guy is going to follow you around like a lost puppy asking if you are okay or need addiction therapy. If you make the mistake of asking him, that’s on you for thinking that the man that embodies 90s romance movie father of the girl next door will ever give you drugs.

#40: Morris

Yeah, the man is totally an asshole. He would ban you from ever being hired at Joja, but he technically can’t block you from entering or buying any Joja product without causing the third Joja scandal of the month (It’s the 12th of Summer). If pollution’s mascot bans you from their stores, not only are they losing their precious small town pennies, but also getting another parody article from The Onion that blows up on Twitter. Still not getting back into Joja though after you fuck up so bad on the farm there’s no point of return, but that’s probably for the better.

#39: Governor

That feathered fedora says all, the man has drugs, but there will be no allusion to it due to the fact that he requires those important republican/conservative Christian mom votes. You can ask him, but there’s no way you will ever get any from him. The only thing you are getting from him is the place where he gets those hats and a governmental secret that you’re forced to take to the grave. Congrats, your knowledge of the valley increased by 0.17%!

#38: Penny

Similar to the governor, Penny has drugs, but she isn’t giving them to you, or even telling you that she has them. That shitty toddler teaching job is the only thing preventing her and Pam from going out on the streets. If she gets her online bought teaching licence revoked, she’s done for. It’s best not to ask her for both of your remaining pieces of sanity.

#37: Marnie

She also has drugs, but her already thin supply of ketamine is running thinner by the continued amount of days that Shane has been in the valley. If you ask her, she’ll just say sorry and try to sell you another cow for more drug money and an apology toy for Jas for putting up her remaining family’s bullshit.

#36: Clint

This man is the biggest pussy in the town, you really think he can handle anything more than a single pint of beer, then you’re wrong. He would panic and then cry in the seclusion of the machinery of the blacksmith’s opening your 28 magma geodes if you ever asked him for drugs. I also think he would up the coal prices again if you asked, and nobody wants to dust sprite farm more than they have to. Or pay thousands into Clint’s Emily shrine in the closet for a few morsels of coal.

#35: Harvey

Another pussy, but instead of saying no, he just quakes in his dress shoes at the counter while he hands over you some of the hardest drugs ever prescribed to man. But you will never consider him as an option considering his status as the town’s top scaredy-cat and the only ones who will ever know this is Maru his only employee and Pam who was just bold enough to ask.

#34: Robin

Robin grew up in construction and carpentry, the concept of drugs does not scare Robin, therefore she isn’t going to freak out like everybody so far on the list. But she has none for you, because she is apparently some kind of good samaritan. It must be all those rants from Demetrius and the science behind hearing enough of a concept makes you believe it.

#33: Goblin Henchmen

The only drugs the henchman will give you is the delicacy of void mayo (if you can even gain any friendship with the fellow). So unless if the mayonnaise from magic void chickens does something interesting, it may not be worthwhile to you. The only reason he ranks higher is that I don’t know the hallucinogenic properties of void mayo (yet).

#32: Marlon

Yeah, the guy has drugs, but he won’t give them to you, considering that he knows you would absolutely take it into the mines and snort some cocaine while completing the wizard’s prismatic jelly quest (I don’t blame you, that quest is hell). He’s already lost too many members to drug use in the mines, it’s kind of embarrassing at this point. Though, if you have drugs on you and are out of the mines, he’ll totally join you as the first member (and only sane member) of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. 

#31: Pierre

Remember the secret stash cutscene? Pierre has drugs, but he isn’t letting go of those narcotics at all. Good luck trying to get out of there with your perception of that family intact. You will have no drugs, only another couple of secrets that you have to take to the grave. At least now you know why Abigail’s hair has remained purple after never dyeing it.

#30: Maru

While Maru does not have drugs, she is chill about them and will even occasionally join Sebastian once in a while. She will probably just direct you towards Sebastian, if anything. But considering the kind of game Stardew is, this is essentially a long side quest, but instead of getting a tool or another ridiculous single use item it’s just drugs… Wait.

#29: Gus

Despite the fact that Sebastian is dealing right under his nose (what do you really think he’s doing every Friday night? It obviously isn’t beating Sam at pool, he’s done that hundreds of times already, there’s no thrill to it anymore) Gus believes that his saloon is free of drugs. Which is a stupid assumption considering that he deals with both Pam and Shane on a regular basis for their alcohol. He’ll just say no and then watch you avidly for the next few times you visit on Friday to hand out an assortment of iridium rabbit feet as if it’s completely normal.

#28: George

Poor man is in possession of nothing more than some expired Tylenol in the back of the medicine shelf that he can’t reach. George should probably be on some serious opioids but considering that state of that wheelchair (which I’m pretty sure is growing mold) he probably has nothing for you. But if you offered him anything, you would gain more friendship than giving him an iridium leek on his 87th birthday.

#27: Grandpa

When Grandpa was alive, he had complete access to drugs (Working with Qi will do that to you). But it’s not like he’s alive enough to give them to you, unless if there’s some kind of astral plane/purgatory narcotic that he can hand out (which would be sick as fuck).  But besides Grandpa’s lack of drugs, he totally hanged around Willy and Linus in ye olden days, creating the first edition of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. You’ll get some great stories through the dream realm but no drugs.

#26: Gunther

I think Gunther would get bored at the museum, waiting around for your once-a-month visit with a bunch of ores or artifacts. Of course, he gets excited to have those, but he goes through inspecting them so quick that he’s done only a couple of days after your visit. So a bored archaeologist has to do something… drugs. He does drugs. It’s not like the poor lonely man has anything to offer you, but if you offered him something, he would be quite excited. The only way, the man has access to some magic mushrooms is following you to the mines and going down to floor 80 to pick up some stuff. At least he’s responsible enough not to go alone or do the magic mushrooms while in the caves, unlike the entirety of the now dead Adventurers Guild.

#25: Haley

Yeah, article’s right, Haley would not have drugs but would absolutely be able to lead you to them. This girl knows everybody, and the next party she’s going to? That you were only half paying attention to because she kept insulting your taste in fashion? Yeah, she knows a guy, who knows a guy, who’s friend’s sister’s step-brother is going to be there and has got a great stash that he’s willing to share. 

#24: Sandy

Sandy’s shop lives right off of Qi, her business essentially relies on that man, 110% that she would return the favour to Qi by directing you to him. Sandy is a solid contact if you really need some good drugs.

#23: Bouncer

Akin to Sandy, the bouncer works for Qi, of course he has access to drugs, not like he’s going to hand them out willingly, though he will direct you to Qi for more business. He and Sandy got a solid deal with Qi if that they promote the drug business in the desert (to the trader) than they get more money in their pockets and some free stuff to themselves, are they going to deny a great deal? I think not.

#22: Dwarf

As we know, the Dwarf doesn’t have a basic concept of personal property, so any of the drugs he has are stolen from Linus’s stashes around the valley. So yes he will give you drugs, but you just don’t know who it’s from. If you are fine with risking getting caught with somebody else’s drugs that have been second-hand stolen, then go right ahead! Dwarf’s got you!

#21: Pam

I feel as this is self-explanatory, Pam has drugs, she gets them from Harvey, but she much rather join you for drinks than for drugs. She has them, but I think what’s left of Pam’s moral standing wouldn’t exactly feel 100% okay giving a 20-something year old hard drugs (not that she knows what Penny does when she isn’t around). You’d still have a great night, it just wouldn’t be drugs.

#20: Professor Snail

Article’s right again, that Snail man totally survived off of magic mushrooms inside that caves. If you ask him for drugs, he would just shakily point a finger towards the mushroom caves.

#19: Willy

I think Willy would be a complicated man, I don’t think he would do drugs, but I think he wouldn’t care if you did them, maybe he would oversee the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. At most would do a bong with you while night fishing, but he wouldn’t go apeshit like anybody else, so that’s a plus. 

#18: Kent

“He was in the war!” Bitch so? If you offered that guy some relief from the constant trauma, he would pay off your mortgage. He doesn’t have any drugs on his person because Jodi’s like a personified drug dog but also a bitch. But he does have some stashes around the valley, not very good spots though, considering that Linus took all of them. I think it’s worth noting that when high, Kent will reveal every piece of traumatic information he has from the war, which makes him an integral member of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. Because no circle can go without a traumatized adult man!

#17: Granny Evelyn

Granny was the coolest kid in town back in ye olden days, she had anything and everything. Too bad she gave up on it after she married George and took in Alex. Despite all of that, she does have some likely-dead contacts for you if you are interested in whatever the hell Granny was into back in the days.

#16: Sam

Sam is besties with both Sebastian and Abigail, both of which have access to drugs through their respective sources. Despite being down the line a decent bit, Sam has got some shit that even his bloodhound of a mother can’t find, that guy grew up lying to his mom. Anyway, Sam is pretty chill to hang around, he’ll probably talk about music and video games the entire time, but a lot of people are into that stuff, so he’s a pretty good guy to chill with. However, the time it takes between him getting drugs from Sebastian or Abigail then using up a week’s supply is very short, so you must act fast if you want a chance to be with Sam.

#15: Lewis

You’re telling me that the mayor of a town consisting of 24 other people gives enough tax money in order to build a SOLID GOLD STATUE of himself? This statue is solid gold! Not laminated! That either took years to establish, or the guy has a secret drug empire. And I think it’s the latter. Lewis totally buys the drugs from Qi, then sells it at an astronomical price to the Governor. Yeah, the Governor. Why do you think Lewis smooches him up every year at the Luau! Lewis has drugs and is willing to sell it to you, so he can build another solid gold statue of himself, but it’s so pricey that it’s not worth it. Another governmental secret to take to the grave… Yippee. 

#14: Alex

Alex is probably willing to do anything to go pro, including taking steroids. Those books that he never reads but are never dusty? Yeah, there’s a big ass stash behind there. He’s willing to share if you’re a dude and give the ‘right’ reason why you want them (sports rather than anything else logical for a farmer). But if you’re a girl good luck, the misogyny runs strong within him until you kind of send him on a character arc.

#13: Shane

He’s stealing from Marnie, that much is obvious, dude’s so broke from spending his money on alcohol that he has none left for drugs. It’s not like Marnie is going to tell him to stop, so he has free rein of Marnie’s stash. If you get him drunk enough first, then he’s surprisingly willing to join you. Just note that he will drop all his traumas and life story on you, Shane will become an integral member of the Nightmare Blunt Rotation Circle™. 

#12: Elliot

Consider the daily struggle of writers and consider how Elliot can actually write a good book that fast… Drugs, obviously. You see, very few people could have the patience to speak like Shakespeare on a daily basis and somehow still make it understandable to the average Joe, AND still hold the best hair in the Valley (fight me). In fact, I’m bold enough to say that nobody has the patience to do all of that, the obvious answer is a constant influx of magic mushrooms provided by Leah. The main difference between the two is that Leah is more likely to show you all the good spots for forage, Elliot will straight up hand it to you as some poetic declaration of love. 

#11: Gil

After living a long time and serving the Adventurer’s Guild for so long, I think Gil would have to do something to pass the long hours of sitting around. So, despite Marlon’s protests, he snorts skeleton bone crack. Is Gil isn’t out of his mind of skeleton crack then he’s totally get you some, you just have to catch him at the right time (before 2pm, good luck).

#10: Abigail

Abigail has full access to Caroline’s ‘tea’ garden, unlike Pierre, and she has access to whatever the hell Sebastian has on him at any time. So she’s got plenty of people to send you to and plenty of drugs to share. Overall, Abigail is a solid choice to go to, and she’d be cool to hang with as well. Maybe just don’t go to the mines with her to snort crack because nobody needs another grave hanging around the cemetery that Abigail can no longer visit.

#9: Linus

While we are collectively unsure of the reason Linus decided to live out in the wild and cosplay a caveman, I can obviously determine that the man has so much planted around the valley. Weed? Oh yeah, that’s at the train tracks behind the bath house, nobody bothers to go up beyond that point! Cocaine? He talks to the travelling trader a lot. You name it, he has it. He’s also friends with the wizard, which should be enough proof in the first place. The only reason he’s ranked here is that everybody else is practically on par with him. 

#8:  Emily

As long as you are fine with spiritual shit and dancing, then Emily is the person you should go to. I mean, at least Emily isn’t like some of those weird spiritual people that you can sometimes meet, she’s just cool and into crystals and their meanings. Anyway, Emily is cool, would hit you up with whatever she’s got, and you would probably learn about crystals more than you should? 8/10 experience, would go again.

#7: Caroline

That tea cutscene? That greenhouse? Married to Pierre? Yeah, Caroline is not just growing tea in that greenhouse of hers. She is absolutely willing to share because her only friend is Jodi, and we already covered her drug dog tendencies. Also, being married to Pierre is already hell on earth, so she will take anything that she can get (this includes a friend). Should I mention that she totally had a fling with the wizard? Who would totally hand out drugs at any given moment for a solar essence? Yeah, Caroline is cool, and she is a great candidate to ask for drugs and hang with.

#6: Leah

Let’s face it, there is no way in hell that Leah wasn’t high while making that statue, yeah, that one. Also, she just forages around for her food on a daily basis, I wouldn’t be surprised if she came across one of Linus’s stashes. Also, she would hand around Linus and do magic mushrooms, fall in the valley is the best season for them after all. She will show you all the best spots, her favourite is the cliff wall behind the Wizard’s tower where all sorts of weird shit grows. It’s best not to ask the origins of it, only how high it will make you.

#5: Krobus

C’mon, you just know that he has drugs down in that sewer, he probably provides come cool stuff to the Wizard to experiment with every now and again. Also, if you are roommates with him, you will also get the experience with hanging around with the coolest creature around. 10/10, always go to Krobus.

#4: Birdie

The fairy dust is not the only thing that is magical about Birdie, her island based drugs are astronomical. She has access to things that very few can even bother to search for, go to Birdie to have a riveting conversation about the sea while being high as fuck.

#3: Sebastian

Sebastian buys primarily from Qi, in fact, he’s Qi’s best buyer, so it’s obvious that he has stuff on hand, and he’s willing to hand stuff out as well. The thing that makes Sebastian so high on the list in comparison to others is the fact that, like Linus, he has everything. Go to Sebastian, any angsty rants about his stepdad and wanting to leave the Valley will be worth anything that Sebastian has got from Qi. 

#2: Wizard

In your very first cutscene with this guy, you get handed some forestry concoction that could totally be considered a drug. The shit this guy has is phenomenal, and he is willing to give it out as long as you have a couple void essence to spare as repayment. Any failed potions or concoctions are being chucked out the window into the concerning lack of wildlife in the valley, all for Leah to watch crazy ass mushrooms to grow then snort them. 

#1: Mr Qi

Where do you think Sebastian’s getting the drugs? Qi runs an empire much larger than Lewis’s statues, Pierre’s money hounding, and Joja’s corporation desires would ever think of having. Qi is the sole reason why Stardew is still holding a half decent economy before you started mass-producing starfruit wine. If you want any kind of drug, you go to Qi, he’s got you covered. 

Bonus: Hat Mouse

Hat Mouse is cool, go to hat mouse. Hat mouse has drugs.

---

And that's a wrap! I hoped you found as much fun in this as I did for the past 2 months when I found time, and I guess the real questions are:

Who would you go to for drugs in the Valley?

Should I post this to my ao3 for shits and giggles?

[writerfae]

Okay @bunnymermaidsblog so here’s how “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2 fits Henry

First off, context for this song if it were about Henry is that he just came to the faerie realm.

(Putting the rest under a cut for everyone’s sanity xD)

Now let’s take a closer look to some lyrics…

“Something is familiar, like a dream I can reach but not quite hold […] I'm arriving and it feels like I am home”

When Henry leaves the village to go to the faerie realm, he’s nervous. He has never been there before, if you don’t count the literal day of his birth.

Yet instantly when he’s there, he feels like he’s finally at home. He feels familiarity and belonging. Which is strange to him and kinda hard to grasp, cause he’s never seen this place yet seems to know it.

The thing about fae is that they are very closely tied to their birthplace (the fae realm) and when they are away from it for too long, they start to miss it. They long for home, no matter how little time they spent in that realm.

“The woods are calling all of us home”, as Isleen warned Ranva once. And this is what Henry experienced, why he felt so out of place in the village and instantly feels a connection to the fae realm as he gets there.

Yet he can’t quite name this feeling, let alone understand it, thus his uncertainty.

“I have always been a fortress, cold secrets deep inside”

This one is simple. Henry had always carried the secret of what he was with him. With that he indirectly blocked out people he loved, mainly Aiden, because he didn’t share this secret with him.

“Show yourself, it's your turn. Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life?”

Now with “you” you could say Henry is addressing both the pull he felt that made him go to the fae realm as well as the decision he has made itself (you could say he’s waiting for the decision’s turn to prove him he made the right choice, if that makes sense)

(Maybe he’s also addressing Callan a bit, because if you look at it, Henry now has to fully rely on Callan cause he only has him left. So maybe he’s hoping for Callan to also show him that he made the right choice)

“I've never felt so certain, all my life I've been torn. But I'm here for a reason. Could it be the reason I was born?”

This is also very much Henry cause especially in his teen years he’d been torn between his loyalty to his family and his own desires.

Even at the point where he actually leaves he’s not sure if he made the right choice.

But then he comes to the fae realm and it just feels right. It feels like this is meant to be, he suddenly KNOWS that it’s meant to be, despite his doubts.

He also feels like he’s there for a reason, like him being there has a purpose and therefore simply had to be. He doesn’t know that purpose yet, but he knows it’s important (thus potentially “the reason he was born”)

“I have always been so different, normal rules did not apply. Is this the day […] I finally find out why?”

Here we have it again, a reference to Henry’s life in the village. Where he was loved, yes, but also obviously different. At least most people in the village would agree with that.

Henry hopes that now that he’s at the faerie realm, he will finally fully understand why he is different, will finally discover who he really is as a person.

Because his mother did tell him about being a fae, yes, but there’s still questions. Many questions.

Henry’s whole journey is a lot about getting to know himself, after all.

“I'm no longer trembling. Here I am, I've come so far […]”

Henry waited for answers all his life, especially ever since his mother died. And now he’s in the fae realm and he finally gets his answers, so he’s not afraid anymore.

The next few lines is Henry starting to get used to his new life and investigating, trying to open that door that has been closed for so long.

And then it finally opens and behind it, he finds his mother. And he finds himself.

“Come, my darling, homeward bound. I am found.”

This line is very touching to me (both in the movie but especially in the Henry context) because by going back to his roots, he finds who stood at the beginning of it all. His mother.

By getting to the fae realm (and cause of his research), he got closer to the mother he lost, too. And through her, he also starts finding and recognizing himself.

“Show yourself, step into the power. Grow yourself into something new. You are the one you've been waiting for all of your (my) life”

When Henry finally has found the answers, has found himself, he grows so much as a person. He realizes that all he ever searched for all his life was his true self.

And with that knowledge comes a new confidence within him that helps him a lot in his future.

He’s as sure of himself and his origin now as he’s ever been. And all that cause he took the leap and left his village.

See, there’s many things about this song that I love and that I think fit Henry:

The search for something you can’t name and finally getting close to finding it.

The reunion with your roots and yourself via the image of a mother, carved into memory.

And then finally, to find yourself and trust in yourself, because what you’ve been looking for was within you all along.

Finally understanding, finally finding the truth within you.

Am I overanalyzing this? Most likely, yes, but that’s what you came here for, right? Anyway I hope you like this 🙈

[hetalia-club]

I just have to spill my thoughts here for a second about my personal life for my own sanity. feel free to happily ignore and scroll by.

Good news everyone :D I just dumped my toxic emotionally abusive boyfriend. Terrible News everyone! :DDDD He was also my best friend and childhood best friend so isn't that great!? :)))

We were supposed to go to Sicily together in May...Why did I DO THAT!? I spent 2k on my plane ticket...the room is reserved... Do I like just not go to Italy now? Do I say F it and just go by myself? Do I try and quickly beg someone else to go with me who's okay with spending at least 2k on a plane ticket? Which would be no one in my life, maybe my parents would but idk what they got going on. I really wanted to go. Why could I have like just not waited until after that? We share a friend group and they are all more his friends than mine. So I just like isolated myself for no reason.

Sorry to dump this here and no I don't expect any of you to have the answers or do anything with this information.

These past few weeks for me have been really rough and I just made it somehow worse.

He distanced me from all my former friends who have all like moved on and have families and whatever and who I have not spoken to in five years so all I have right now is my family and work 'friends' I don't even like. I'm going to have to live with my parents for who knows how long because it was his house he had all the money in our relationship. He convinced me to quit my good desk job with benefits to work part time as a barista so I could clean his house and cook for him. But he also put up with all my weirdness and was fine with it.

Like when I say I have no idea what to do I truly mean that.

again I don't want anyone to feel responsible to do something about how I royalty screwed up my life. It's no ones fault. I shouldn't have let him isolate me so much from my friends and former life but TOO LATE NOW! I just need to stop being with men who have brown hair and brown eyes but are objectively terrible.

My only silver lining is that I was the one to end it. Which if anything am proud of myself for that because I have never broken up with anyone before and I normally just deal with whatever people do to me no matter how terrible and mean they are. I just have always forgiven him and everyone else.

But when some dude bro sits you down and asks you to "List reasons why you deserved to be loved by him" it was just too much. Like that might seem petty but I am sick of being the 'pretty girlfriend' I am so tired of having to dress to the 9s to go out and be expected to be perfect even if we're just going to a F*ng dive bar where I get stared out for dressing like I'm going to a club. Where he gets to look like a diarrhea stain who can't be bothered to wear a shirt that's not wrinkled or shave his scraggly beard. Why he thinks I should make a list of MY worth as a human being in his eyes. When he is average at best!? Like I'm not a 10 I'm not perfect I'm not delusional, I don't think I'm the hottest girl in the world or gods gift to man kind. But I'm out of his league, I do know that!

I always tend to cling to Hetalia harder when my life is falling apart around me because that's sort of just what I've done since I was a teen. I've never been in a healthy relationship with someone who actually likes me and Hetalia has always been there for me. Which is why I have been making a lot of content lately, it's been a distraction and I'm sorry if I've been bugging people with how much I've been posting. That's not been my intentions its just my coping mechanism and it's better than drinking...

This is the only social media I have that he's not on. I don't hate him enough to block him. I do still want to try and be his friend at some point if that's possible. I love his family and they love me and it's going to be so upsetting to see them again from a different perspective.

I'm okay...It's just been really rough lately...And I somehow just made it worse.(No I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone, don't even worry about that.)

[general-kalani]

You can tag it as NSFW, as most people do. You don't need a day to fuck.

I did think I already clearly responded with my last ask that it was a personal preference, but lets analyze your ask, my prompts and such, lets go!

Your keywords here are why I won't tag simple prompts as 'nsfw'.

'nsfw' is the inherent act that what I am writing/reblogging is has explicit content not safe for some.

Now, bear with me, most of the prompt lists I reblog do not have that aspect.

But they are related to sinday. See the issue? I need a tag someone who doesn't want to see sinday prompts can block. What was the perfect response?

"Sinday prompts" so I, for one, can find them easier myself and for another someone can block it without getting weirded out or anything of the sort.

Because you can write nsfw-related content without it being actually nsfw. I've done it multiple times, check; nsfw-ish.

Now yes, it's true, you don't need a day to fuck, to be horny to just outright be naughty but this sinday tag again also relates to Joseph Seed. A man who believes he's religious and therefore can't partake in sins. This man literally has lust carved on himself.

Now lets do another analysis! This time a starter call that I wrote up recently for Philip Blake

Do you see what I didn't tag this as? 'sinday starters' which is in line on this blog for proper starter calls. Why? Because this is relatively new, it was a test piece, it's not necessary.

Plus I've already written in the post itself that this is a sinday starter, not a normal one which can be seen as so:

You know what's so different to a normal starter call from a sinday one? Jack fucking shit except letting someone know, for their own sanity, that one is a sinday starter and another is JUST a starter call.

Now lets do a review:

I write "sinday prompts" for my personal preference, my mutuals have been told to block this tag for their own sanity if they want. I won't tag a prompt list as nsfw because I've already got the tag "sinday prompts". "Sinday prompts" is helpful to people who want to block nsfw prompt lists and scroll my blog completely fine.

I hope this much more in-depth analysis helped you look over the blog.

[ziracona]

I return! Intro to The Kid Act II. As always, tumblr gets it first. [Fate/GO AU – The Kid (pt: 1, … 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, ?)]{Some spoilers for original Grand Order run/through Temple of Time, vague situational spoilers for later arcs}

.

.

The sky is grey.

That’s what I thought, when I got here. I knew there was a sun, because there’s light back behind the clouds, but, I can never quite see it.

That’s not quite right, though.

I’ve been watching it now, for a really long time, and it changes. Sometimes, you can see beyond the clouds that block out the sun, and the sky past them is grey, like a desaturated photograph. But, sometimes, if you’re watching for it, the clouds part, and the sky flickers like a candle, and it’s blue. It’s not a normal change, like weather. It’s a quick one, back, and forth. Like a glitch in the world. Like it can’t decide what it’s meant to be.

I’m trying hard, to think about this, because I don’t want to think about anything else that’s happening.

It’s too much. It’s too big, too awful.

How can a person even think about something like that?

I still don’t get what happened. I don’t get where I am.

I think nobody does.

Well, not nobody, I think, watching the man in white with peach hair, walking nearby, deep in conversation with about six other people. They know what’s going on.

I could ask. A lot of us have. But, what would the point be?

I’m not stupid. I know whatever is going on, it’s really bad. They’re scared, and they’re the ones who managed to snatch us away from…whatever that was, and put us here. If they don’t know how to fix it, no way I could. Maybe it’s better not knowing at all.

So stupid.

I…I keep thinking, “Mom’s at home all alone. I didn’t ask anyone to check up on her. I was supposed to be home two hours ago. She’ll be so confused. What if she wanders out again? What if she thinks we still live Esso and gets lost, wondering where the mountains went? What’ll I do if she gets hurt, without me there to look out for her?”

But that’s so stupid.

She’s gone. She…has to be. There was…everything, is gone. Everything. Everything but the…the fucking 200 people in this weird…thing we’re in. Everything.

And what’s the point, without her?

What does it even matter, if I die? What’s left to go back to? Not just her. …everything. It’s all…

“Hey.”

I didn’t hear anybody get close. I must be losing my senses too, not just my sanity.

I look up, and it’s one of this group of whatever they are. She looks normal, but, I remember, before, when the big walls of nothing were closing in around us, she was one of them, running around screaming for people to get close. I think she’s the one I came to.

“You’re hurt,” she says, worriedly, “What can I do to help?”

I stare at her, and forget to answer.

“I-Is it really bad?” She kneels down, and reaches over for my shoulder.

“I’m not hurt.” I hear my own voice. Empty, confused.

“But you’re bleeding?” she says, puzzled. Her hand touches the left side of my chest, and I feel no pain, like I expect, but I look down, and the front of my jacket is covered in blood.

What the hell?!? I think in, as dissociated as I feel, I believe still a pretty fair amount of alarm.

“What?!” That can’t be. I was fine eighteen seconds ago. Wasn’t I?

“What happened to you?” she asks, fear level rising, and she pulls my jacket off, taking a bag off her shoulder and dropping it on the ground. I see a medical kit inside. No idea where she got a thing like that. She sure didn’t have it earlier. “Doctor Roman!”

The man with peach hair looks over in surprise, but not the kind of surprise I expected, which is strange. I don’t really have time to wonder about it. He stops what he was doing and runs for us though, at the sound of the tone in her voice.

“I’m really fine, I think…” I say, still confused, as bad as this admittedly looks for me. The hell would have hurt me? I wasn’t one of the people getting chucked around like a baseball by those freakishly strong guys. All I did was go stand by the redhead when she started screaming and crying. Hard to argue with the massive amount of wet blood on my chest, though. I…guess at least I don’t feel it. ?

“What? What’s wrong?” asks the Doctor, out of breath as he reaches us.

“I don’t know,” says the redhead, who I finally realize has been trying to get my shirt off so she can tell—damn I’m out of it…–and I comply, helping her, “But he—”

We both stop and stare. The shirt comes off, and I’m fine. I’m looking at my bare chest, and there’s not even a scratch. We look at each other, then at the shirt as one, and I see no red. Kind of worried, we make eye contact, and I turn it right-side-out while she goes for the jacket.

Nothing.

How is that possible? Clean—well—as clean as they were after a day of wearing them. No blood.

What the fuck?

None on my hands either. None on hers.

“…He’s? Concussed?” guesses the Doctor, taking a knee too, at least as confused as we are.

“No…he,” says the redhead, looking about like I feel.

“There was blood,” I say, almost to myself, mystified.

“There was what?” echoes the Doctor, looking to me. I shrug. Maybe I’ve gone completely insane. Maybe we all have.

Honestly, that would be a relief. Maybe Mom would be okay.

“He…When I walked up, his jacket and shirt were covered in blood—like—like Billy, the first time I saw him,” says the redhead, looking like she’s worried he’ll think she made it up, “Like he’d been shot.”

Shot?

There was just blood, not a tear, not a bullet hole in the jacket. Why say ‘shot’? Why…do I…

Weird feeling for a second there. I blink, trying to clear it out of my head, and it goes.

“Huh…” says the Doctor slowly, to her great relief, and my somewhat dulled surprise, completely believing her, “It…could be a lot of things. A temporal fluctuation. An alternate reality, even, bleeding in. There’s a lot happening to time right now.” He’s almost talking to himself, but he turns to look at me then. “Okay look, uh—I know this is a lot, and I know it’s overwhelming, and hard to believe, and I wish I had time to explain, but I can’t—yet—I-I’ll do my best later, just, please. Please take this seriously. If some…” He pauses, grimacing as he thinks about what to say, then he refocuses on me. “If some other version of you. If the version of you meant to exist in time before…that thing that just happened, uh, happened, was going to be shot? It’s possible time trying to rewrite itself—to fix itself to what it’s supposed to be—is affecting you. –Don’t worry, you’ll be alright. Just. Don’t lean into that. You don’t want to be shot. You want to be here, alive, right now, in this place.”

He gestures to the field of swords around us.

“Right? I know everything is overwhelming, and the easiest way to handle that is to try to zone out of it all, but I need you to focus. You not doing that might be having an effect on how…present you are, in a literal sense. And if your other option is shot, you really need to be grounded here. Alright?”

He looks so sincerely worried about me. It’s funny.

“Sure,” I say automatically, “I’ll try.”

He gives a nod, and a worried little smile, then looks at the redhead. “Has this happened to anyone else?”

“Not that I’ve seen,” she replies, “But there’s a lot of people here. I’ll keep looking.”

He gives a nod and starts to stand up, then hesitates and looks at me again, then her, “Take him with you, if—uhm—if you’re alright going.”

“Huh?” I say, having started to zone out again already.

“If you don’t mind,” he says, working to hold my attention, “Go with Ritsuka here, to try and help anyone who was injured. It’ll give you something to focus on, and she can keep an eye, in case that uhm…”

‘Ritsuka’? Why does that…

“Ah,” says the Doctor worriedly. I follow his eyes and look down at my chest, and for an instant, there’s blood, and I feel the bottom drop out of my stomach. Then my chest flickers, like the sky does when it gets blue here, and I’m fine. I look back up at the Doctor. “Go with her,” he says with a lot more force now, like a prescription, and pretty scared by that myself, I nod. He turns to Ritsuka. “Please let me know if that keeps happening, or if it’s happening with anyone else.

She nods.

The Doctor stands back up, and turns back to the waiting group of men who followed him here.

“Wait—Doctor Romani!” she calls, and he stops. That same surprise on his face for just a second before his expression goes neutral, and he looks back at her with the sort of reassuring default smile.

Oh. She got his name wrong. Before. That was why…

“Uhm. Can I do anything to help?” she asks.

The smile becomes more genuine. “You already are. I promise,” he replies.

She nods again, and he turns to the others.

“Is that a bad sign?” asks a man with green hair as he joins them.

“I don’t know,” the Doctor says genuinely.

As they move on, I turn back to the redhead and watch her watching them go.

“Why don’t you go with them?” I ask.

She looks to me then, surprised.

“You’re part of the group. I don’t know what you people are, but you were there, calling us to come to…” I gesture at the space around us. “So, you’re one of them.”

“Oh, uhm. I am,” she agrees. She thinks for a second, then looks back. “It’s hard to explain.”

Big surprise.

“But…there’s things it might be dangerous for me to know. For a good reason, but, I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to tell…other people. I’m sorry.” She does look apologetic.

I pick my shirt back up and pull it on. “Did you people do this?”

“WHAT?” she asks in horror, “No! No, not at all! I would never!”

I come out of the shirt grinning, because it’s such a teenager reaction for her to be having to a situation like this where I can barely think at all. “Okay okay—I believe you,” I say, “But I don’t guess you guys are going to explain any time soon?”

“We’re…trying,” she says, looking around at all the people. Most are sitting down, talking to each other. Some alone, like me, zoned out or thinking. Some trying to help the ones injured by being thrown about. A few more investigating the swords, or walking around, I think trying to see how big this place is. Some were mad, demanding answers and fighting, or scared and hysterical, but that shit died out what must be over an hour ago now.

“Yeah, I guess,” I say, too tired to want to fight. I watch her for a few seconds as I pull on my jacket. I wonder how much you really know. “…Can this be fixed?”

She looks back at me, eyes big and worried.

“Everything?” I gesture, emptily, “It…kind of looked like the world was ending.”

“I think it was,” she says, voice shaky and scared. “But. It can be fixed.” She looks over at the Doctor for a few seconds, then back at me. “Doctor Romani says it might not even have exactly happened yet.”

“Come again?” I say.

“Well,” she says, shifting to face me a little more, “It’s like…you know how in a tsunami, the tip of the wave is the part that hits you first, but it’s not the wave itself—not the real wave, just the crest? Or—maybe more like—you know it’s coming, when the water vanishes, but that’s not the danger yet. Not the actual thing. He says something’s gone wrong, and we’re seeing…the effects, before the trigger. Time is messed up. But, that’s good. Because well, I thought about it, and I'm pretty sure that it means, if we can stop it before it happens, then, none of this will ever be. Everything won’t even really get ‘un-done,’ it’ll just…never have to be like this at all.”

“So…whatever…happened, with the world out there. That big whiteness, burning the world away. That hasn’t happened?” I ask.

She nods. “It’s like…getting pulled into a premonition, kind of. He said it shouldn't have happened, or I guess, it won’t 'really' happen, in linear time, for another two months.”

“So, they’re not really dead?” I ask, sitting up, ears perked.

“They?” she asks.

“-People!” I say excitedly, “My Mom—my friends—everyone! They’re not-?”

She’s nodding.

“Oh thank—why didn’t you people say so?!” I ask, overwhelmed with…I think joy? I almost trip over myself standing up, and offer her a hand. “Come on! Two months? That’s no time to lose! Stand up and fight for it! Just tell me what to do!”

She looks surprised, then smiles shakily, and takes the hand and stands with me. “Right! Okay. First thing is to make sure everyone is at their best, so we can work together. They have to think of a plan, fast, so only the people whose skills don’t help with that are available to look after all the people here. That’s not many of us.”

“Then we find some people who can,” I say, and I turn to the people around us and cup my hands. “Okay people! The world hasn’t ended yet—we can still fix it! Working on a plan! So organize already! Get up! Anybody who has medical skills at all—CPR certification, medical school, I don’t give a shit! If you can set a bone or fix up scrapes, over here with me! Anybody hurt bad, raise your hand or get someone near you to so we can find you easy! Let’s go already!”

Ritsuka looks at me and blinks, then turns and watches as around us, people confer, and some start to get up and walk towards us, from all around. Hands go up. Her expression changes, and I see the fear fade, and she starts to smile. A real one. A happy one this time.

“What?” I say, smiling back, “It’s our world too. Did you think we weren’t gonna want to help?

-------------------------------------------------

“Look—I-I don’t have time, to explain all of this.” This is a living nightmare. I am so beyond lost. I know I’m lucky to be alive at all right now, but this entire situation is a wildly unfair twist of luck, or fate, and I do not feel especially lucky right now. I feel emotionally as if I’ve been hit by a bus that then switched to reverse and backed over my mangled body again just for good measure.

“Well, you’re gonna have to explain more,” says Cú Chulainn.

They’re mad. Everyone is mad. Civilians tried to attack us, despite doing our best to explain what’s going on. I thought the Lancer was going to strangle me for a second when we first arrived. I’m pretty sure I’ve made the little girl cry three times. This is my nightmare. I’m living my nightmare, but I still have a shot maybe to fix it, so I can’t give up and die. I’m trapped. In this extended, long, dragged out version, of my nightmare.

Quit complaining. Think hard. You can do this.

Just breathe. And think. And focus. Put all that wisdom to good use, if ever, ever there was a time…

I feel eyes on me—I mean, everyone, has their eyes on me, but, intently. Trying to get me to look back. And I look over and see my father. At least David’s here.

At least I’m not alone. That’s not something I expected, and it’s the only good thing.

He looks so worried about me, and he’s trying to get me to smile at him, and that’s so sad it makes me want to cry, but I can’t, because I have to hold it together. Oh this is hell.

But still. Even as awful as it all is, I appreciate the attempt, and I do feel, minisculely, better.

That’s…something.

I guess all things considered, they’re actually being pretty patient, I think with a sigh, letting some small bit of the tension in me out.

Okay. One task at a time. This can be done.

“Alright. Alright…” I turn to the others. I gave people the bare bones on arrival, but we’ve had so much to do—civilians freaking out, two badly wounded enough that I, as the only doctor on hand, really had no choice but to tend them before doing anything else, and with only so much I could or should say, in front of human strangers. And no one liked that. Me included. But what else could I do? “But I’ll have to give you the short version.”

“Do, then,” says Robin.

“Yes,” prompts Mozart, “How did this happen?”

I run a hand along my face, then look up again and mentally count. “Shouldn’t Emiya be here for this?”

“Emiya isn’t going to be here for anything,” snaps Cú Chulainn, “He’s concentrating on running blade works at maximum efficiency, so we can all stay alive as long as possible. I’ll tell him later. Just go.”

“Okay.” I let out a breath, and after triple checking to make sure we’re far enough now from any humans, turn to face them. “I’m…like you,” I say in defeat.

Cu Chulainn blinks, and looks at Billy, then Robin.

“Like us?” says Billy.

I see something click on Robin’s face, and he looks from David, to me. I nod.

“Yeah. I uh…I a—I was, Solomon.”

There’s silence for a second around the group.

I guess, uh, to my benefit, or, something, the hostility in the air significantly lessens.

“Ohhhhh,” says Cú Chulainn, looking from me to David now too, “This actually explains a lot.”

“Yeah, but not the why he knew about the whole world getting erased bit,” adds Robin with significantly less hostility than before.

“He’s getting to it,” says David with patience he’s clearly trying to will on everyone else.

“Look, the short version is, I won a holy grail war. I got my wish. And…” I shrug, exhausted, “The rumors are true. It’s a monkey’s paw. I wished to get off the throne, live once, and get to move on like a human. It took me off, and for some reason, broke every seal I’d left as Solomon when I did. I knew it the instant I was human again, but, it was too late. I had a lot of demons sealed, from when I was alive. One of them, Goetia, is uh…determined to rewrite history—everything, I guess. I knew he was trying to do…some version of this. But, not enough to know when, or exactly how, or to stop him in time. Especially with…the no magical circuits the grail decided to leave me with, no allies, and no one to believe anything I said. And now, you’ve seen what I was trying to prevent, two months before it should have happened at all.”

There’s silence.

“…Shit,” offers Billy finally. I actually appreciate that so much. There’s about 500 possible reactions to what I just said, and I was afraid of about 402 of them.

“The best I could do, after the Grail dumped me here, was try to find a way to survive it happening, and undo it, because I can beat him, but not until I can find him, and I had no way to find him, until he acted,” I finish, “So. That’s why I know. That’s the short version of my context. As for why this is all happening now? …” I shake my head hopelessly. “It shouldn’t be possible. It isn’t. But…”

Robin waits a second, then turns to David. “That’s all true this time, right? I mean, it clearly is, looking at you two, but, for security’s sake I feel like I have to ask.”

David gives a nod.

“Why can’t we tell Rits?” asks Billy.

“Because she can’t shield her mind,” I say, “I have a way to beat him, if I can get close, but I can onlytry it once, and it will only work if I catch him off guard, and the only advantage I have on him at all right now is that he doesn’t know I’m alive. Given I’ve been playing about 18 steps behind this whole time, I’m not going to tell anyone,” I look at David, “-not even you—what my play is, because if he finds out, it’s all over. You’re just going to have to trust me on that one, single thing. But. Beyond it, I just need to keep me being alive, being ‘Solomon,’ completely off his radar. Please. So, Ritsuka can’t know. She can’t keep herself from being mind read, at her level of mage ability, and I just can’t chance it. Not until I know where he is. Not until I’m sure he doesn’t have a way to use that against us.”

They seem to understand that, thank heaven, and not have a problem with it. The worst I get is Kotarou and Billy looking disappointed.

“Aside from that, I’ll do my best to answer anything I can,” I add tiredly.

“…You said you can’t explain why this is happening now, but, you said before it might be a case of the relativity of simultaneity,” says Salieri, thinking it through for himself, “If you’re right in that hypothesis, and we’re seeing two months into the future…early, essentially, I don’t suppose you have any guess as to why?”

I consider again, just in case something will occur, and shake my head. “It can’t be happening early.” I don’t sound sure in my own ears when the words come out, but…it just. can’t. It can’t. This is the only thing that makes sense. If ‘makes sense’ can even be applied to this state of things at all. “So it’s got to be that. But…no. I don’t know why.”

There’s quiet among us for a second.

“Well…know why or not, ain’t this… ‘simultaneity’ experience…a good thing?” suggests Billy.

I glance at him in surprise.

“Well,” he says again awkwardly, looking to Robin for support, then back at me, “You said you were waitin’ for him to act, b’fore you could stop him. Had to hear the gun go off to aim your own, right? So, if you’re seein’ him make a move, don’t that mean you can find him now?”

I stare at him.

“Right? I mean. Even if it ain’t happened in reality, it happened to us. So, it’s even better than it happening when it’s s’posed to, ‘cause maybe then we stop it ‘fore it happens,” adds Billy.

….

I AM SO STUPID!!! In the midst of all my terrible little panic, THIS hasn’t occurred to me?!?!

“Oh heaven. You’re right,” I say in the voice of someone not remotely there.

“That’s right?” says David, suddenly excited, “Is he right??”

“YES!” I say, having mentally crunched the numbers at warp speed, and launching forward without thinking at all and grabbing Billy, overjoyed, by the shoulders, “I can’t believe it! You’re right! If I can just get to the right equipment! I could even—none of it ever has to happen at all!—”

I am thinking so fast I want to vomit. This is the best I’ve felt since I was incarnated in this form. Oh, God, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. I can’t believe it! This is a real chance. It won’t be easy, not at all, maybe not even doable, but it’s a chance. A real chance, to avoid it all. To keep it from happening. Oh, I thought it was a curse, but it’s a miracle.

“Okay,” says Cú Chulainn, more relaxed and almost pleased, “So then, we got an idea, good, but what’s the immediate plan going forward?”

Okay okay, he’s right—slow down—think.

“You said ‘if I can get to the right equipment’,” adds Kotarou, “Is that from this Chaldea place you talked about?”

….Chaldea…shit.

Mood fluctuations like this cannot possibly be good for the heart.

“How can we get from a reality marble to there?” muses Mozart, turning to Salieri, “I mean, if it’s even still there. It might have gotten wiped like everything else that’s not been destroyed but also been destroyed.”

“Schrodinger’s destroyed,” says Robin helpfully.

Mozart nods.

I’m barely processing this, mind racing. Trying to take a gift and a curse and wrap them together into some kind of horrible, workable reality. Uhg, I’m so close and so far, and… There has to be a way. There has to. So then…

“Well, there should be ways to find out,” says David.

“From inside a reality marble??” says Mozart.

“…There is,” I say unhappily as the numbers I’ve been running fall into place.

They all look at me again.

I return the looks, and let out a tired breath. “You’re not gonna like it.”

I don’t like it, and it’s my terrible plan.

Cu Chulainn gives me a grimace.

“—Wait—I’m sorry—before we switch topics for good, I’m gonna be thinkin’ about this all day if I don’t ask real quick—Why were you at Ur-Shanabi if you were in the middle of a long-con?” asks Billy, raising his hand.

Cu Chulainn, Robin, Salieri, Kotarou, and I point to David, who David points to himself.

“—Oh. Duh. Sorry—carry on,” says Billy, flushing and giving an awkward grin.

“Should we get Ritsuka now?” asks Mozart, “Before the terrible plan we’re all going to hate?”

I sigh and nod. “Yeah. We need her for it.”

I look off into the crowd, trying to spot her again. She wanted to go help people when she was asked to step away, and I see her a ways off, talking to an old man. The young man from before is with her, and they seem to have drawn quite a crowd. I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s really something. I feel terrible I’ve dragged her into all this. Why is it always the kindest people who end up being asked to give the most, over and over again? It’s not even fair the first time.

“We need her for it?” I half-hear Cú Chulainn echo behind me. “Oh…shit. You don’t mean…?”

“…I…I think he does,” says Robin in similar disbelieving horror.

“Mean what?” asks Kotarou.

I can only guess from their tone they’ve guessed correctly. I sigh.

“Mozart, any chance you can find something that passes for a leyline?” I ask, turning back to them.

“IN A REALITY MARBLE?” says the Caster, between disgusted and elated at this insane request.

“That passes for one,” I say, exhausted, “It’s a complex inner-scape. The density of magic must be higher somewhere in here than everywhere else.”

“Oh, you’re really going to do it,” he says in horrid fascination. He turns to Salieri. “The man says such terrible things so casually. I love it.”

“Oh, no,” says Kotarou, looking between us, “No no no. That’s never going to work!” He glances desperately over at Ritsuka. “I-I know My Lord has quite the pool of mana, but, she’s already giving Emiya what he needs for Unlimited Blade Works. Even trying to summon another spirit, inside a reality marble? It…”

“It’s crazy,” I agree, turning to face him, “But. We’re out of options.”

That’s the cold, hard, simple truth.

Cu Chulainn has a scowl on his face, deep in thought. “…I hate to say it,” he exhales, glancing up, “But I think he’s right.”

“Will that even work?” asks Billy.

“Maybe, maybe not, “says Robin, “But right now, we’re on a timer. If…nothing changes, then, eventually, even Ritsuka runs out of mana. And, when she does…”

He glances over at the around two-hundred people we managed to save, expression worried, and grim.

“If we try this, and fail, they die. If we do nothing, they die,” says Robin, “If we try and we succeed. Maybe we all live.”

I nod slowly.

“There’s nothing else we can do?” asks Kotarou, “That… the odds of success have to be so slim. Isn’t there anything more careful? If we mess up here. If we’re…all that’s left.”

“Yes,” says David, moving closer and putting a hand on his shoulder, “But the longer we wait to act, the worse it gets too. The simple fact is,” he adds, glancing to me to make sure this is right, “The only place left out there—places, I should say—according to the calculations he made before, will be Chaldea. And wherever Goetia is.”

I nod.

“We can’t get there on our own,” says David, “We need a spirit with clairvoyance, time travel, or some kind of mechanical, technological marvel that can get us from a reality marble, to one of those two places. And…none of us can do that.”

Billy seems to think really hard, like he’s trying to find a way to do it himself, then sighs and nods at David.

“Okay. Well, Mozart, I guess good luck doing what he asked,” says Robin.

Mozart makes a dismal ‘ha-ha’ sound in response.

“Doctor, we’ll bring Ritsuka. You make whatever preparations this insane plan involves on your end,” continues Robin, “You’ve probably got a little time, because the rest of us need to take a minute to talk about long-term plans, because even if we get a spirit, chances are it won’t be on the first try, and like it or not, the biggest draw of her mana after the reality marble—”

“-ah shit,” says Billy with a grimace as he gets where Robin is going.

Robin nods sympathetically.

I consider saying something to try and cheer them up, but what can I say? I know this situation is grim even better than they do. And…they’re right.

“Come along,” says David cheerily, slinging an arm around Robin and Kotarou, since they’re closest to him, “Let’s do it then. We’ll go with Mozart so he can be part of the discussion while praying to trip over a leyline.”

“Your compassion is overwhelming,” jokes Mozart.

They start off, and David flashes me a reassuring smile over his shoulder.

I appreciate it more than he can possibly know.

“Ab,” I say, and he pauses, the others with him. “Everyone. …Thank you.” I really mean that. “I know this situation is terrible. And, intentional or not, I know it’s my fault. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry you all got caught up in the middle of it this way.”

Some of them trade glances, then look back at me.

“Ain’t really so bad, for us. This is still a good summons,” says Billy.

“Besides, you didn’t know,” adds Kotarou, lost in thought.

“Yes. I’ve been pretty happy,” adds Mozart, slinging an arm around Salieri, who seems to momentarily be too deeply lost in thought to notice that or what I’m saying to him.

“Well, I know we have to plan, but I wouldn’t give up on your manifestations just yet,” I add, feeling better, and trying to think this angle over too, “I’ve got a few ideas on summoning from in here. We might get lucky. And, uh, I’ll do my best to give us an edge.”

Robin gives a tired smile, and I get a friendly nod from Cú Chulainn too. They’re all taking this really well. There’s…almost something familiar about it, to me. Telling someone to defend a point as long as they can. Well, that’s not exactly what this is, but. I feel strange nostalgia I can’t place anyway. It’s a good feeling though, and I’ll take whatever luck or good omen I can get.

-----------------------------------------

“Rits! Hey!”

I look up at the sound of Billy’s voice and see him easily even in the crowd, because he’s waving a hand above his head. Also, because Cú Chulainn is by him, and that guy’s really tall and has blue hair.

Actually, I think it’s everybody—oh, uhm, except Emiya. Right, I think, getting to my feet and wiping my hands off on my knees, I better go make sure he’s okay too.

I want to bring him some food, because even thought Heroic Spirits don’t need it, it helps them conserve energy, and he must be getting so tired keeping his phantasm going a long time like this, but, the only food we’ve got is the food people brought with them. We’ve got about 200 people here, but even though we were in a shopping district, not a whole lot of them were carrying food or drinks, and most of the ones who were had a snack, or a partially drunk water bottle. We’re going to have to be careful to conserve what we can.

“Can you stay with him?” I ask, indicating the older man we’ve been helping, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

My new friend gives a nod. We’d fixed up the gash in the man’s arm already – all that was left is wrapping it with a bandage, and I’m sure he can do that alone. “Yeah, sure. Just don’t be gone forever. The rest of us would really like some idea what’s going on, at some point?” he replies, taking the roll of bandages I hand him.

“I’ll be back,” I promise, “Uhm. Try to…”

“…Not let my mind wander, and start bleeding to death from a gunshot wound?” he jokes. The old man we’ve been helping gives him a deeply concerned look and he grimaces. “Ah. Uh. Sorry—kind of hard to explain. Uh…”

I give him a smile, then turn to face my friends and start walking, hearing him continue to talk behind me. For just a second, I see him glance over and watch us as I go, but then he goes back to trying to explain things to the old man.

“Hey guys,” I say as I join the others.

“Doing some good work,” observes Robin, surveying the crowd.

“Yeah, they’re a lot calmer than before when they wanted to murder us,” adds Billy casually.

“They’re helping a lot now,” I say, “We just explained that there’s a chance to fix things, and people are pitching in.”

“Glad to hear it,” says Robin, “So, uh. Look.”

Uh oh. That doesn’t sound good. They all look…kind of nervous too. “W…What’s going on?” I ask, suddenly deeply worried. They aren’t all here but Emiya, either. Mozart isn’t.

“Nothin!” hurries Billy, “Well—nothin’ bad. Or. Nothin’ so bad-“

“—He’s trying to say, we have a plan going now,” says Robin, “And we need you for it.”

“Oh! That’s good, though,” I say, confused, “Why do you all look worried?”

“Well,” offers David, gesturing for me to follow. I go with them, and we start to walk. “Uh. You know the general situation is that we’re in a reality marble, and if it stops…being projected, we, uhm, die.”

“R-Right,” I ask worriedly, “Wait! Am I running out of manna?”

“Are you?” asks Robin, turning to stare.

“No. I mean. I don’t think so. How would I know?” I say.

“How would we know?” says Robin, mystified.

“Can’t ya…tell?” asks Billy, “I mean. How do you feel?”

“Okay, I think,” I reply. Everyone looks relieved.

“Look, the short of it is, Blade Works can’t stop. Or everyone dies,” says Cú Chulainn, on target, “Supposedly, Chaldea is safe out there. If we can get to it, we could stop being in Blade Works. Which is great, because even Archer can’t do it infinitely.”

“That’s good,” I say hopefully.

“Yeah,” agrees Cú Chulainn, “But we have no idea how to get there from a reality marble. Generally, uh, a reality marble stays connected to reality where it was.”

“So, if he stopped…we’d go back to the city,” I say, heart fluttering and making me feel sick. The image of everything turning white and vaporizing around me is still very fresh in my head.

“Yeah, if we did it right now,” says Cú Chulainn.

“But, Doctor Romani has a plan,” says David with enthusiasm. He sounds so sure of himself, it makes me feel more okay too. “We’re going to summon another servant—one who can help us get to Chaldea.”

“Can you do that in a reality marble?” I ask, eyes wide.

“We’re about to find out!” says David with great optimism the same time Robin says, “God I hope so…” with considerably less.

“Yeah, and the Doc needs your help with that, so we’re gonna go over there,” continues Cú Chulainn, “But. We needed to talk to you too.”

“A…bout?” I ask, uncertain about the look on his face.

“About…” Billy pauses. Everyone stops with him, and they trade looks. He turns to face me, and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Look, uh, Rits. I know you ain’t gonna like this, but we’ve all talked it out.”

I feel very worried about this.

“Summoning a new servant…it’s gonna cost a lot of mana, and, that’s if it works. Or, works the first time,” he continues.

“Even if it does, we don’t know how fast they’ll be able to provide a solution,” says Salieri like an exhale. He’s been quiet, and when I look at him, his expression is very far away. I’m really, really worried now.

“Usually, the smartest thing to do…” Billy pauses, glances at Robin, then Kotarou, then back at me. “…Would be to just dismiss us all but Emiya, right now.”

“No!” I say in horror.

He lets go of my shoulder with one of his hands to hold it up. “But! Uh. We also know with what caused this bein’ so big and scary, keepin’ us, as many of us as we can, around, is gonna help in the long run.”

“R-Right,” I say, heartbeat still racing.

Why don’t they look like that means it’s okay?

“Still,” he says more softly, “We gotta face facts that, unless we get real lucky, we could be stuck here for…days, weeks. And…the longer we’re up, the less energy you got left to keep Blade Works going. The less time all these humans have to live.”

He gestures past me, at them. Trying to make me look at them. I don’t want to. I don’t like this. I hate it.

But, I look. I’ve talked to so many of them the last few hours. Names, faces, fragments of life stories. My newest friend is still only about fifteen feet off, tying off a bandage, trying to make this old man smile. Telling him some kind of story.

My chest aches.

“We’re…spirits.” Billy shrugs, and I turn back to look at him. He’s smiling at me, but he looks sad. They all do. “Worst that can happen, is we go back to the throne. These folks? This is their first life. This is all they got. When it comes down to it, you gotta do things you don’t always like, for the people who need you.”

I shake my head. “There has to be another way.”

“There…isn’t,” says Salieri. He looks calm right now, like when I first met him. Like a teacher. “We’ve talked it out, and, it seems most reasonable to us to be pragmatic.”

“Yes.” David looks sad. He sighs, shuts his eyes, then puts on a smile. “The Caster is almost finished with what he needs to do. After that…”

“After that, he and I will be the biggest drain on resources, because of our class,” says Cú Chulainn. There’s no fear in him, just a little chagrin. Like this is all normal, and okay. “After us, the Assassin, then Salieri. Avengers generate a little of their own mana, so if you cut him off, he can probably hang on for a little while.”

Salieri gives a nod, but there’s a look on his face like he wouldn’t want to.

“Obviously, Archer—Emiya,” says Cú Chulainn like he’s annoyed to call him that, “Can’t go at all, because it’s his phantasm. The rest of the Archers can probably last about a week if they don’t do anything. Gunner might not last quite that long, but several days.”

“You want me to break your contracts now?” I ask in horror.

He looks kind of surprised, glances at the others.

“I mean. If you want to wait and see if we get a miracle at the summoning circle,” suggests Robin Hood like it’s half a joke.

“No,” I say emphatically. I put my foot down—literally, and I’m embarrassed about stomping like a little kid, but I can’t help it! “No way!”

They look at me, look at each other, like they expected this. Like it’s…a problem. But! It’s not – they’re-!

“…Ritsuka,” tries Robin.

“-No!” I cut him off. I can tell some of the normal humans around us are starting to listen, and I’m probably being too loud, but I’m so upset! “Look—I get it!” I say, trying to calm down, and doing a really bad job, “I know this is bad! I saw it—I saw the world getting erased around us. I saw people getting swallowed up! I saw everything bad close around us! I know this is really serious, and really bad! I’m not stupid! But-!”

It's just too much! It’s not fair! It’s not right! It—It’s something more than that that I just can’t…can’t find the words for, but, I’ve got to! So they’ll understand! So this won’t happen! So—

“Look,” I plead, turning to them in turn.

Cu Culainn and Robin look sympathetic, like they’re sorry I’m wrong. Salieri looks sad. David looks pained. Billy looks worried. Kotarou is staring at me, taken aback, so I focus on him first. I think ‘maybe he’ll get it’. Like maybe he can help.

“We’re all trapped here, alone, together. There’s…” I counted, before. I try to remember. “There’s … two-hundred and six people here, including you, and me, and the doctor. Two-hundred, and six. That’s everybody that we know is still alive. If we…hours into being stuck here, start deciding it’s okay to get rid of people, for the greater good…” I shake my head. “No. I won’t do it. –Look, I feel fine. I’ve got energy. Maybe, if…if things get worse, and you’re right, maybe we have to do extreme stuff later. But, that’s not the right way to fight this. We’re protecting everybody, including each other. Everybody we have left. We’re down, to two-hundred and six. I don’t want two-hundred and four, I don’t want two-hundred, I don’t want one-hundred and ninety-nine, when we get to Chaldea. I want everybody.”

They all exchange looks again. Cú Chulainn gets a funny expression on his face.

“We aren’t going to fight a losing battle when we just got here,” I say, calming down a little. Squaring my shoulders and my stance. “Thank you, for offering, but you’re all going to help these people and me a lot better here, and alive. I promise. I can do it. I can keep everybody going.”

Robin laughs, and I’m worried, but, it’s not a mean laugh, and he gives me a tired smile and shakes his head when I look at him, like he doesn’t know what to say.

“Well, I told you that’s what she’d say,” says Billy, taking off his hat to run a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, you did,” sighs Cú Chulainn. He gives me a glance. “You know this is stupid? I can’t make you break a contract I agreed to already, but, if you don’t cut us loose, you’re putting everyone at risk. Idealism can only go so far in reality.”

“Let’s see how far then,” I say hopefully.

He almost chokes on a laugh, lets out a deeper sigh, and grins. “Well, I know when I’m beat. For the moment, anyway.”

“You’re sure…?” asks Kotarou tentatively.

I turn to look at him. He looks confused.

“I mean, he’s right,” he offers.

“I don’t think so,” I say, and I realize when I do that it’s true. That I…I think I’m right. I was upset, and worried, and distressed at first, but, I couldn’t figure out the right thing to say. Now, I think…I think I get it beyond just the feeling it would be wrong, though. “I know…there’s good reasons to suggest that,” I say, turning back to Cú Chulainn, “But…I think, in a situation as bad as this, it’s not just that I don’t want to do it. Or…that I need you, or that it’s wrong, and not fair. I think…it would also be the wrong thing to do, because…because in a situation as bad as this, what matters most is that all of us stick together. All of us—you too. That…we make sure everybody knows, for certain, that everybody is important; them, and the person next to them, and every person here, and…and that we aren’t going to drop them, as soon as they become too hard to carry, or feed, or, take too much energy away from the rest of us. We were…”

I glance back. The people close enough are definitely listening, although some of them are trying to be polite and pretend they’re not, which is nice of them. The old man and my new friend aren’t pretending at all, they’re just watching. My friend has a focus in his expression, and he tilts his head at me when I look his way.

“…All in chaos, before. People were arguing, and fighting. Everyone was scared, and mad, and hurt, and nobody trusted each other.” I turn back to the others. “But look at them now. We’re working together, and everyone is looking out for each other. People with skills to help are helping, and people with food and water are sharing, and people who were alone are meeting the people next to them, so nobody is alone anymore, and, and now we can all believe we’re going to make it. And that makes it so we can. Because we’re not trying to win. We didn’t grab all those people and take them with us so we could forget about them while we try to get to a safer place. We’re trying to save everyone. Every individual. And, that includes you guys. I’d rather be low on resources, with people who know I’m not going to leave them, than have everything I need, and people who know they’re expendable. Because, they’re not.” I smile at them. “Even when they’re trying to be heroic about it.”

“…She makes a good case,” says Salieri. He smiles and turns to gesture to the others. “Morale is more important to the outcome, often, maybe most of the time, than resources.”

“Well, it’s her decision,” decides David graciously, “So I guess we have no choice but to listen to our leader.”

I grin at him.

“Thank you,” says Kotarou.

Surprised, I look at him. He looks overwhelmed and really taken aback, like he might cry. I forgot, this is still like, day one after being kidnapped and tortured for him. No wonder everything is so terrible.

“I…shouldn’t thank you, because I should try to talk you out of it,” he says ruefully, glancing at the ground for a few seconds before looking at me again, “But…Just the same. I….we. …”

I shake my head. “I know you want to protect everyone, even if you have to go. I’m not saying I think that’s wrong. But, I’m not letting anybody get sacrificed because it ‘might’ be better in the long run. I don’t believe that.”

He looks at me and smiles hesitantly, but it’s a real smile.

I’m really glad. I know he’s had a rough time just adjusting to being up and okay again.

“Well, I figure we got told off pretty good,” says Billy, grinning and slinging an arm around me. I grin back at him. “I don’t rightly know what the proper tactical choice is, but I can’t say I got a problem with this one personally, and I think I trust her judgement.”

“Yeah,” sighs Robin.

“Well, she has proved pretty dependable at that,” concedes Cú Chulainn with a distracted little smile like he’s still thinking about a joke someone told a while ago.

“So, since y’ain’t cuttin us loose just yet, guess we better really double down on gettin’ a good spirit to come help,” says Billy.

“Right!” I say, “Let’s go right now, if they’re ready.” I turn to my new friend and the man we were helping. “Will you all be okay alone?”

My friend waves me off. “Yeah, yeah—I can roll some gauze. Go summon a whatever and save the world or something—I mean the second part; seriously. Get us out of here,” he adds, but I think he’s pleased.

I give him a nod and turn to the others.

“Amadeus is this way,” says Salieri, and he leads us.