#which i am now way more upset about than the class that didn't go well

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam! I wanted to ask if you feel lately like you've been getting anything positive out of your therapy, because a lot of your initial thoughts about it kind of mirror mine. I'm very logical (except when I'm upset at myself) and very skeptical, so I feel like a therapist either isn't going to tell me anything new, or that I'm going to just disregard it because I can't trick myself into believing things that I just plain don't believe.

But I'm also starting to come to a realization, two years after my ADHD diagnosis and letting go (without therapy!) of most of the executive dysfunction-fueled self worth issues I was having, that I'm kind of Not Okay in other ways. I'm safe —going to work every day and doing my job so I won't lose my livelihood and have never had a self harm urge in my life— But I'm not really okay. I'm having major self esteem issues related to my personality separate from the executive dysfunction that are putting me in a bad place. I don't want to take antidepressants for reasons I won't go into but that means my other option is therapy and... I don't know if I'm a person that therapy will actually work on. I found a lot of validation in some of your perspectives, about affirmations being bullshit and "mindfulness" exercises feeling impossible and useless, about not having an inner monologue and how that might be causing issues with traditional methods. So I was just wondering, do you feel like therapy is working now that you've been in it longer?

I've wasted a lot of money on "elective" (and ultimately useless, back to square one) medical nonsense this year and I'm not eager to waste more, but I've also met my insurance deductible so it's the best time to try it if I'm going to.

I mean, it depends on the modality a little but I don't think trying basic talk therapy can hurt, as long as you find a decent therapist. And it's better to try it now when you're feeling Mostly Okay than waiting until you are Really Not Okay. But this entire paragraph comes with a lot of context so....

A lot of what I talked about in terms of struggling with mindfulness, etc. was less related to the therapy I am still in than it was to the DBT class I took at Therapist's suggestion. We were both aware that she was basically throwing stuff at the wall to see what stuck, and while it was an interesting class I don't think for me it was helpful. As you mention, I struggled with affirmations and visualization since neurologically I'm not really set up for those; I don't think they're objectively bullshit but I do think there's an assumption within the mental health industry that they will have function for everyone and that's simply untrue, and the expectation that it will is very damaging. I also struggled with the physical-intervention aspects (called TIPP usually) which didn't work at all for me and felt frankly like doctor-approved self harm. DBT can get very culty, which set off a ton of red flags for me -- possibly false flags, but they still waved real big.

And that's because I also have a lot of trust issues surrounding therapy. To the point where, the minute one of the people running the DBT class made actually quite gentle fun of me for asking a question he couldn't answer, I checked out on anything he said. We were learning about a DBT concept called Wise Mind and I asked, "If wise mind is an identifiable mental state, how do we know if we're in it?" and when he couldn't quite answer beyond "It's different for everyone" I said, "But if we know it's real there must be some kind of common denominator, a measurable data point," and he said "Well, Sam, you're not going to levitate" and the rest of the class laughed. Sorry bud, this is almost certainly an over-reaction, but I'm me and you lost me when you came at me instead of just admitting you didn't know. (Also it turns out I just live in Wise Mind like 80% of the time which is one reason I couldn't tell.)

But basic talk therapy outside of DBT is just...you talk at someone about your problems and come up with ways to try and solve them, which is a lot more straightforward and way less frustrating. You have to be an active participant, you have to both have a goal and be willing to discuss reaching it, but that goal can be as simple as just "figure out what my mental health goals should be" at first. You don't have to learn like, vocabulary for it.

The thing is, while I have seen some improvement in regulation issues, I also struggle with basic talk therapy. Most people, and this blew my mind, see measurable improvement in nine to eighteen therapy sessions. A lot of people don't go long-term, they just are having a moment and get help getting through the moment and then can disengage, with their therapist's approval.

I was in therapy consistently from the age of nine to eighteen and only stopped because I reached legal majority and physically refused to go.

Not one minute of those nine years did I want to be there. And, because none of the three therapists I saw across those years actually explained to me why I was there or how therapy worked, for me it felt like "Your punishment for having feelings is to speedrun every feeling you had this week in an hour, to a stranger." There was also what my current therapist believes to be some extremely unethical behavior going on, which didn't help.

So it has taken actually a lot of time to get to a place where I would even allow her to understand what help I need. I've been in therapy for about a year (generally weekly but there have been some gaps) and it has only recently gotten deeper than very basic interpersonal problem-solving.

Like, two weeks ago I told her, "I had a thought this week that I couldn't tell you about something I was doing because then you'd have material on me" (meaning blackmail material) "and that's a fucked-up thing to think." And once I'd actually identified it as fucked up I had zero issue telling her about it, wasn't even nervous as I did so. Who's she going to tell? She's literally legally constrained from telling.

I think well over half of what she does is either validate that whatever emotion I'm having is normal, affirm my reactions so I don't keep believing I behaved weirdly, or praise something I've done that was a positive act. Does this work? Not always, because I'm unfortunately very aware that it's part of her job to do those things. But yeah, sometimes. Even if you don't fully believe it, "Hey that was a really smart move" is nice to hear. Sometimes she helps me come up with a plan for stressful future events or (rarely) behavior modification, and sometimes she either provides me with research or points me towards research I can do on my own. We don't do meditation or affirmations or stuff like that.

Like, last week I brought up the fact that I hadn't really ever thought about how if I have a disability that causes emotional dysregulation and I got it from my parents, they also likely had undiagnosed emotional dysregulation when raising me. So she said I should look into research on children with emotionally dysregulated parents. I was pretty annoyed by what I found (the ONE TIME adults are the focus instead of the kids is the ONE TIME I needed to learn about the kids, really?) but it led to something that was both informative and upsetting, so we discussed that. And when I was stumped about how to move forward with the information, she suggested that my general coping mechanism of writing about it was probably a good plan.

(At which point I just silently advanced my powerpoint presentation to the next slide, where I had a series of quotes from the Shivadh novels where Michaelis, acting as a parent, repeatedly does the exact opposite of the upsetting thing, because I realized even before the meeting that it's an ongoing theme in my work whenever I deal with people being parents. It's a good thing she has a sense of humor and also that I do.)

So yeah. Going into therapy you have to be ready to reject a therapist if you don't like them or if they get weird and pushy, you have to be ready to be a self-advocate, but you are the client; it shouldn't be super difficult to find someone who can at least walk you through what you want from it and agree not to do the stuff you don't want, and if you want to stop going you just...stop going.

Good luck, in any case! I hope you get what you need, whether or not that ends up being therapy.

[bloody-bee-tea]

At the top

When Hizashi wakes up to the blaring sound of his alarm, his hand immediately stretches across the bed to find Shouta. The beginnings of a smile are replaced with a pout when his hand only meets cold sheets, though.

Hizashi blinks his eyes open and just like his hand already spoilered him, Shouta's side is empty.

Which either means Shouta had a bad night and left early or didn't come to bed at all. Both options aren't ideal, mostly because it means Hizashi is without his husband this morning, but he won't know until he actually sees Shouta, so he forces himself out of bed, absentmindedly shutting off his alarm before he drags himself into the bathroom.

On days like this he absolutely resents his younger self for coming up with the most ridiculous hairstyle known to mankind, because it takes him way too long to get himself ready. Every second he can't go find his husband is a second Shouta might spent upset and Hizashi hates that thought.

But finally, finally, every last hair is in its place and Hizashi is out of the bathroom in the blink of an eye, only to skid to a stop in the kitchen.

The very empty kitchen.

The very empty kitchen that has a steaming breakfast waiting for him.

"Shou?" Hizashi hesitantly calls out, because freshly made breakfast usually doesn't mean a night spent tossing and turning in bed but it explains Shouta's absence from their bedroom even less.

It's only when Hizashi steps closer to the dish waiting for him that he sees the note tucked underneath it.

Had to go in early, I love you, it says and Hizashi is enough of a sap that he presses the note to his chest briefly before he digs into the food.

It's good, good enough that Hizashi bemoans the fact that Shouta usually can't be bothered to cook, rather opting for take-out than spend time at the stove and before he knows it, his bowl is empty and if he doesn't want to be late for his classes, Hizashi needs to leave right now.

He had hoped to catch Shouta in the teacher's lounge right before classes but when he sticks his head in, searching for a familiar black lump or a yellow worm, he comes up empty.

That is, until Nemuri's smirking face fills his vision.

"You, my dear, are one lucky man," she drawls out and just by the tone of her voice Hizashi knows that he should be blushing but he can't figure out what the hell this is supposed to be about, so he simply frowns at her.

"Huh?"

"Oh, come on, you must have had the best of mornings," Nemuri says, waggling her eyebrows in case Hizashi missed the obvious but it only serves to make him frown more.

"I actually haven't," he simply gives back, and immediately confusion washes over Nemuri's face. "Why would you assume otherwise?"

"Well—because—you must have been up to some naughty shenanigans this morning," she almost stutters out and it's rare to catch Nemuri so off guard, so Hizashi cherishes it, if only to relay it to Shouta later.

Once he actually finds him.

"And I'm asking again, why would you assume that?" Hizashi tiredly says, because a glance at the time reveals that he won't have time to find Shouta before their classes start.

"Because! Why the hell would Shouta look like that if you didn't quite literally blow his mind this morning?"

"Nemuri!" Hizashi hisses out because she's loud and there are actually other teachers in the room.

"What? Am I wrong?" she asks and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Yes," Hizashi mutters and fights the urge to push his hand through his hair. It's a somewhat bothersome habit he picked up from Shouta and he has to work to keep his hands at his side. "I haven't actually seen him yet, today," he then admits and Nemuri frowns.

"Then why the hell did he seem so quietly content?"

Hizashi shrugs but the question of what the hell she means by that must be clear as day on his face because Nemuri goes on.

"You know that kind of content he only ever gets when he's being buried by cats in your favourite café or when he gets to spend a weekend smothered with your love. Or when he got blown. Or when he got to blow you. He's not picky in that regard. But that kind of content."

"I—wha—" Hizashi stutters and then snaps his mouth shut because he doesn't actually want to know why Nemuri knows that. There are some things better left unsaid and this is so absolutely one of them.

But Hizashi can picture it perfectly now, because of course he knows what kind of content she speaks about, even without the unnecessary sexual talk; the one that slightly softens Shouta's entire face and makes it look as if he's smiling even though he isn't actually and he's radiating calmness in a way that makes even Hizashi want to sit down and be still and it just doesn't make sense.

An empty and cold bed doesn't make for a content Shouta, not in Hizashi's experience.

He must have stayed quiet for too long because Nemuri tilts her head in question. "You really haven't seen him today?"

"He was gone when I woke up," Hizashi gives back with a shrug and he can't deny how much it's bothering him to admit it.

He always feels a little wrong-footed when his days start without Shouta.

"And he's not here, so I won't get to see him until our lunch break," Hizashi adds with a sigh and a new glance at the time.

He's going to be late for real if he doesn't get going right this second.

"Strange," Nemuri hums but lets him leave and Hizashi silently agrees as he gathers his things and makes his way over to the first class of the day.

Strange doesn't even being to cover it.

~*~*~

Hizashi's morning runs long. So long, in fact, that he doesn't manage to catch Shouta in front of his classroom like he hoped he would and his mood drops even further when he gets back to the teacher's lounge and Shouta isn't there either.

"He said he had an errand to run," Nemuri apologetically tells him. "I tried to stop him at least long enough for you to catch up, but you know how stubborn he can be."

"Like a mule," Hizashi agrees, slumping where he stands. He really hoped he would get to see Shouta during their break.

"Listen, I know I said he looked content this morning and he still did just now, but is everything alright?" Nemuri hesitantly asks and Hizashi doesn't even have to think about his answer.

"Of course it is."

There's no doubt that it isn't, because Shouta has nights where he just doesn't sleep and their lives and their five jobs are hectic enough that sometimes they just don't see each other because nothing lines up right. If something really was wrong, Shouta would have told him. He would have found the time to tell him, personally or via text or call, Hizashi is certain of that.

"Okay," Nemuri easily agrees and then Hizashi gets distracted when Uraraka pokes her head through the door.

"Mic-sensei?" she calls out and Hizashi plasters his best Present Mic smile onto his face as he skips over to her, faltering slightly when he sees Ashido and Yaoyorozu at her side.

"What can I do for you, little listeners?" Hizashi asks and he notes with worry how serious all three of them look.

"Sorry to interrupt your break," Yaoyorozu says, ever the polite one, "but we were just wondering—"

"Can you tell us what's wrong with Aizawa-sensei?" Uraraka interrupts her and just on cue Ashido bursts into tears.

"He's dying, right?" she sobs out and Hizashi blinks, completely blindsided by all of this.

"He's what?" he finally gets out because none of this makes any sense and he watches how Uraraka tries to calm down the crying Ashido while Yaoyorozu wrings her hands in front of her chest.

"It's just—he's been really off today and we were wondering if something has happened? Did he get hit with a quirk or something?"

"You two are friends, right?" Uraraka chimes in, glancing over at Hizashi. "Do you know anything?"

"Off how?" Hizashi asks helplessly because he can't—in very good consciousness—tell them Shouta is not dying if he doesn't know how he's behaving.

Shouta tried to hide potentially lethal wounds from him before, and even though it doesn't fit with what Nemuri has said it's better to be cautious here.

"He—he—he was smiling," Ashido gets out between sobs and Uraraka thankfully takes over.

"And not that creepy smile he does when he's about to unleash hell on us but a real one. A happy one."

"He didn't threaten to expel any of us today, he didn't snap when the boys were a bit too loud during class and he let us all go early. He didn't even bring his sleeping bag today," Yaoyorozu sums up and she seems honestly distressed.

Validly so, Hizashi guesses because it's a big enough deviation of Shouta's normal behaviour that Hizashi has to refrain from frowning, lest he worries the kids any more.

"He's not dying," he then says with conviction because if he were, Shouta would be more snappish, not less, and even more prone to fall asleep to avoid all of his problems.

If he's staying awake and smiling and not snapping at anyone, then that must mean he's in a really good mood, especially if he's willing to let his kids see it. He usually plays everything so close to his chest at school so if things are leaking out today, then it has to be because he's happy.

That's the only explanation Hizashi can come up with, which just makes him want to pout because how can Shouta be happy if they didn't even get to see each other today?

"Are you sure?" Ashido sniffles but Hizashi nods.

"One hundred percent, listener! Just imagine that on all other days he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and today, finally, everything worked out fine," Hizashi says, and wants to groan at the irony of his words because there was no right side of the bed today, not when it was empty and Shouta long gone.

He watches how relief floods over the girl's faces, though, and that is all that matters.

"If you're sure," Uraraka uncertainly says and Hizashi nods again.

"Absolutely, one hundred percent,” he reiterates. “Your favourite teacher is not dying."

It's a testament to how worried they really were that they don't even pretend that Shouta isn't their favourite and Hizashi vows to tell him all about it once he finally manages to see him.

"Now off you go, enjoy the rest of your lunch break," he finally shoos them away and they leave without much protest, leaving Hizashi and his thoughts alone.

"You know, he does have one more kid," Nemuri's voice jolts him out of it and his head flies around to her. "One he sees regularly, after classes."

"You're right!" Hizashi shouts, almost lets his quirk slip with how excited he is, because how could he forget that Shouta is supposed to meet with Shinsou after classes for some extra training today?

It's the perfect way to finally see him before they both get home and Hizashi has half a mind simply running off now, but then the first warning bell goes off and he groans.

"Fuck everything today," he mutters as he rubs a hand over his face, but he dutifully gets back to his classes.

He'll just let his last one go a little bit early, so he can ambush Shinsou in front of his class, so that there can be no chance of him running off anywhere and then he'll get to see Shouta.

Easy.

~*~*~

"I'm really sorry, Mic-sensei, but Aizawa-sensei cancelled on me today," Shinsou tells him and Hizashi mutters "Yamada, come on kid, we've been over this," almost before Shinsou's words register.

"Wait, he what?"

Shinsou shrugs as he pulls out his phone, turning it around so Hizashi can see his chat history with Shouta, as if Hizashi wouldn't believe him otherwise.

"He said he had a family thing today and couldn't train me, so we switched it to tomorrow."

"I see," Hizashi mutters and now Shinsou seems distinctly uncomfortable.

"Is everything alright?" he haltingly asks and then rubs the back of his neck in a gesture so similar to Shouta when he's embarrassed that Hizashi does a double take. "It's just—you seem worried and he was overly chipper today, he even sent me an emoji, here, see," Shinsou rambles and points at a distinctly emoji-shaped, well, emoji in their chat.

"I see," Hizashi says again and then shakes himself out of it. "Everything's fine, Shinsou, don't worry. Our schedules haven't aligned very well today and I just thought I could catch him during training with you, that's all."

Shinsou mulls that over for a moment before he nods, but he doesn't seem very reassured at all.

"But—you two are alright?" he then dares to ask and it's almost sweet how he worries about them.

"I promise, we are," Hizashi softly tells him, because there is no reason for him to think anything else.

'Family thing' could be anything, really, but it sure as hell doesn't mean they have any kind of relationship problem, Hizashi is one hundred percent certain of that.

"Okay."

"Mind if I join you for training tomorrow?" Hizashi asks, trying to get some life back into the conversation again and predictably, Shinsou lights up.

"Not at all!"

"Great, I'll be there then," he promises him and then waves him off, now eager to get home and figure out just what the hell is up with Shouta today.

Hizashi is barely halfway to his car when his phone chimes.

Went on ahead, meet you at home. Love you <3, the message from Shouta reads and now this, this is worrying.

Shouta doesn't shy away to show his affection for Hizashi and it's not rare for him to tell Hizashi he loves him either, but two times in a day is suspicious. Not in a 'I'm dying' or 'We need to talk' or 'I want a divorce' kind of suspicious but in a 'I brought home a stray' or 'We're going to adopt a teenager' kind of suspicious.

Suspicious enough at least that Hizashi doesn't waste another second and almost runs to his car. He knows better than to speed on the way back home, but whenever he has to slow down he finds himself humming with his quirk just barely detectable and he thinks he might just scream for real should he get stuck in traffic.

Thankfully none of that happens and soon enough he finds himself unlocking their door. Shouta must be home, because there's light on, and music is softly meeting Hizashi in the hallway and just the thought that he is finally in a space with his husband again has Hizashi relaxing and he lets out a soft “I’m home!”

His relaxation lasts until he steps into the living-room because then he's just completely gobsmacked.

There are flowers. There are flowers everywhere and just from a glance Hizashi thinks they might all be his favourites. That paired with the music and the admittedly delicious smell coming from the kitchen has Hizashi panicked that he might have forgotten their anniversary, but that can't be because they got married in summer and it's still bitterly cold out.

"Shou?" Hizashi hesitantly calls out and he's almost embarrassed by how much better he feels the second his eyes land on Shouta.

Just like Nemuri had said, he looks content, happy even, and there is that smile Ashido and Uraraka talked about.

"Hi," Shouta says and steps close for a lingering kiss that Hizashi is helpless against and he feels a little dazed when they part. “Welcome home.”

"Hi," he breathes out and then takes another look around. "What is all of this?"

Shouta shrugs. "I just felt like it," he says and now that is some utter bullshit.

There is no way Shouta just felt like this if there isn't a reason for it.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Shouta? Where's the catch?"

Shouta lets out an amused huff and brushes a kiss over Hizashi's cheek.

"The catch is that I am your Shouta," he teasingly gives back and steers Hizashi into the kitchen where not only dinner is waiting for him but also the cupcakes he loves so much from that one bakery across town.

"I call bullshit," Hizashi says, even as he leans into Shouta's hands as he pushes him down onto a chair.

"Fine," Shouta sighs out and pushes a hand through his hair as he rolls his eyes.

"So? What happened to my Shouta? Grumpy, grouchy, 'I don't want to spend my time needlessly in the kitchen' Shouta? You cooked for me today. Twice. Not even to mention any of this!" He sweeps his arms around in an encompassing gesture and Shouta only smiles.

"Your Shouta happened to have a bad night," Shouta starts and Hizashi can't help the flash of satisfaction when he realises that he had been right with his assumption.

It doesn’t explain anything else, though, which Shouta must be able to read off his face clear as day, because he gently puts a hand over his mouth to stop him from speaking.

"And as your Shouta was laying there, watching you sleep because it calms him down like nothing else, he realised that he is the happiest man on earth. And then he decided that he needs to show his appreciation for you."

Hizashi reaches up to tug Shouta's hand down, which he gracefully allows and frowns up at him.

"You don't have to though. I know you love me."

"I know," Shouta sighs out and kisses his forehead. "But this is not about me loving you. This is about me being incandescently happy and having the urge to do something about it."

"But those are my favourite flowers and my favourite cupcakes. Why not do something for yourself?"

"You're such an idiot," Shouta sighs out and his face stays soft and happy and Hizashi maybe feels a little bit as if he's floating in his own pool of happiness. "I'm only happy because of you. You make me the happiest man alive. Why would I ever do any of this if not for you?"

"Oh my gods, you're such a sap," Hizashi gets out, but his voice is shaking and his eyes might be a little bit wet but he just loves Shouta so much.

"Only for you," Shouta shoots back and Hizashi laughs, even as he pulls on Shouta until he gets the hint and climbs on his lap. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Hizashi immediately gives back and he can't believe how lucky he got when he's met with a warm gaze.

And then he remembers what happened at school and he bursts out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Shouta asks, now with a small frown on his face and Hizashi laughs some more.

"Nemuri thinks we've had some sexy times this morning because you are so happy. Your kids think you're dying and they also admitted you’re their favourite. Shinsou was worried we're having relationship problems!" It's all so funny in retrospect that Hizashi laughs some more and even Shouta's mouth curls into an amused smile.

"If my kids think I'm dying they have zero observation skills."

"I'm not so sure about that, considering how you normally act, your behaviour was pretty concerning," Hizashi gives back and noses at Shouta's chin. "You cancelled on Shinsou for a family thing and then I come ask if I can join for training, clearly not knowing about anything and it had him worried."

"And Nemuri?"

"Knows too much about our sex life, apparently, and I'd rather not remember this ever again."

Shouta laughs at that, his head thrown back and Hizashi can't help but to lean in and softly bite at his throat, making Shouta's breath hitch.

"What did she think we were up to?"

"Blowjobs in the morning. Though she couldn't decide who went down on who," Hizashi gives back and now it's on him to almost choke on a breath because when Shouta looks down at him there's a distinct heat in his gaze.

"I had different plans for tonight but I'm flexible," he simply says and Hizashi swallows before he says "You sure are."

It's enough to make Shouta laugh again, which makes Hizashi feel very accomplished, thank you very much, but to his dismay Shouta stands up not even a moment later.

"That's for later though. I did not spent an hour in this kitchen for you to let it all go cold," he says and Hizashi feels as if his chest is going to burst right open with how much he loves this man.

"You're wrong," he says, apropos of nothing and immediately Shouta glares at him. "You're not the happiest man on earth. You can't be, because where does that leave me?"

Shouta narrows his eyes at him for a moment before he softens again and he reaches out to tug Hizashi's glasses and headphones off his head.

"Fine. We can both be the happiest. That would leave you right at my side."

"So exactly where I want to be," Hizashi nods and catches Shouta's hand in his to press a kiss to his palm. "That's acceptable."

"It better be," Shouta grumbles, but there's still that soft, content look on his face and Hizashi knows that it's all just an act. "Now let go of me, we need to eat."

"If you insist," Hizashi says, reluctantly dropping Shouta's hand, though he can't help but to swipe his thumb over the ring now securely on his ring finger, like it always is when they are at home.

He finds himself thinking that he would marry Shouta ten times over if he could and with how Shouta acted today, he is more than certain that the same is true for Shouta as well.

They truly are the luckiest, happiest men alive.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IX good omens on livestream, i'm not ok: S1E4

You did it, Good Omens fandom, my dear maggots. You broke me in every way. Now I'm here, and where I once spent my day peacefully being sad about normal things, I'm now sad about a random fact about nightingales I learned on a British ornithology site and this is just... the brainrot. It's real. Raise brainrot awareness. Prevention is better than the nonexistent cure.

Well, I've procrastinated this post by like 48 hours by drawing fanart and being mopey over Crowley and generally being asleep because I'm still on antibiotics and ill. So let us not procrastinate further. First, episode 4. Tally, hoes!

In preparation for the stream, I gathered two emotional support oranges, only one of which was gaseous, and an apple. This was so that rather than waste an orange on being gay for Crowley I'd use the apple for that, symbolic of his temptation in the Garden of Eden etc. I didn't know how badly this plan would go.

On Discord, our collective loins girded, I noticed with no small suspicion that everyone was muttering about the bookshop and whether I'd be okay. When I demanded frantically what happened to the bookshop (I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS IN S2) everyone shut up and told me the bookshop was in tiptop shape and it was all tickety-boo and nothing would happen at all in episode 5.

Spoiler alert it is not all tickety-boo.

We start with Aziraphale going for a jog to keep uh fit for exercising with Crowley, and he is interrupted by Gabriel, who is not Jimbriel, and is not naked, that is, we cannot see his arse yet, but we can see that he is an arse.

We then see not-Newt the deliveryman with his wife Maude and they are the only straight couple that the people on the chat care about. Calling him not-Newt is going to pose problems for me.

Crowley is being a smart baby, and researching astronomy. Poor Crowley. I love Crowley. Do you understand? I LOVE CROWLEY.

There is a lot of talk of spoons and forks and such innuendos. I make a joke about scissors being missing. The chat does not notice. I am disappointed in the gays.

I am so engrossed in the way Death says "deeAaaAAthHHhh" that I fail to notice Not-Newt get killed delivering a message to Death. This is going to pose problems for me.

I forgot about the apocalypse plotline till the horsepeople arrive. This is understandable. I care not for this 'world' ending, my new world is Crowley. I love Crowley.

Duck aliens fucking descend. This is not a joke. There are duck aliens, and they are supportive of trans people. Newt does not count their nipples.

The Shad guy doesn't care Newt found aliens. He is upset that Newt didn't find witches. If Shad was mowing his lawn and found gold, he would toss it aside because he is focused on mowing. I can respect that. People make jokes about Newt eventually finding a witch.

It is suddenly a Christopher Nolan movie. Someone corrects me and says it's more like Jerry Bruckheimer. I do not know what that is.

Someone says Crowley destroys the Bentley but for whatever reason, like a lot of people before, makes it a black box that you have to click to read. I don't mind that, I like clicking.

Aziraphale bought out a theatre for Crowley, like a Kdrama where the rich CEO buys out an entire theatre for his working class girl.

Adam goes through what I went through with OCD. It is not fun.

It is now a horror movie. Adam floats in the air. That was not a symptom I had with OCD.

Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away with him to the stars. Aziraphale says no. Crowley is upset and my baby Azi looks so sad and confused about everything he believes in. Great. I'm totally fine, I think as I start stuffing my emotional support orange into my mouth.

It is now a Home Alone movie. Crowley in gloves is sexy. Mmmmmmm yes. Crowley does great advertising for plant spray bottles as he murders and threatens demons.

I point out that the GO book says Crowley can do "weird things with his tongue" as I learned from the GO scent guide company page. It was after all the most relevant take-away from that page.

Disco Tony arrives. This is not a safe space.

AZIRAPHALE KEEPS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND IS FAILED BY HEAVEN LEAVE MY BABY AZI ALONE WTF GO AWAY. THE ANGELS WALL SLAM HIM TOO. THAT'S CROWLEY'S THING YOU BASTARDS.

Newt and Anathema are cute. I DON'T NOTICE BECAUSE IM SO UPSET HE'S CHEATING ON MAUDE AND WONDERING WHY THE CHAT IS OKAY WITH IT BECAUSE I AM A FOOL WHO CONTINUES TO MIX UP NEWT WITH NOT-NEWT AND THEN THE CHAT TELLS ME NOT-NEWT DIED AND I'M CONFUSED.

Newt and Anathema are having sex. As an aspec person, I am very alarmed at the visuals.

Azi is failed by heaven and the metatron. Shocker. Fucking get away from Azi. Azi is miserable and looks like he wants to cry.

AZI IS EXORCISED AND THE FUCKING FLAME CATCHES IN THE BOOKSHOP AND THE EPISODE ENDS.

TAKE MY PAIN MOTHERFUCKERS. I WILL POST THIS AND THEN WRITE THE EP5 PART.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

Mum again, my dear. I...

She... she had said that you were not well when we left. I... I understand, I know that you said you did not wish to speak of it, and of course, I do not wish to push you too hard, either... but... I cannot sit here thinking about it any longer. I was so terribly worried.

You know you do not need to hide from us— from me. You know that, yes? Did you really... fare so...?

Admittedly, I... I was rather antsy and frustrated by the time we were with Daisuke. In the last few days, I... he and the nurse may have heard my cries as I was falling asleep. I simply feel terrible to have alarmed them so...

I am still feeling rather restless, as though... as though we could be booted back out at any given moment. I do pray it does not happen again, I cannot... I cannot stand this to keep happening. I know that you are in— you are in... I know that you have more faith in those nurses than we do. But I cannot help but fear... that they will end up hurting you, too...

...

I have taken the dictionary that Shrike once gifted me from the top shelf. It is so terribly dusty, I have not touched it since... I have scoured every page, every word, in the hopes of finding something that will sufficiently express how remorseful I am. I have come up with nothing. Not a word. Not a phrase.

But I am so sorry...

I can only pray now to the starlings that, should this happen again, they will have the mercy to let me stay behind with you instead. Yes, I am aware that I fervently wished for the opposite to begin with! I am deeply, deeply aware of it! It is of my doing, sweetheart. (Did I pray, to have it all undone back then, too...? I do not remember. I only recall the screaming.) I have utmost faith in the others— that whatever may need getting done will be done just as well without me there. But I cannot do this again. I— I cannot. I cannot make you do it again. I cannot... please...

I just wish that you were home already...

Hey!!

She...? Do you mean, uh, Death?

I know, yeah. Just, well, it isn't fun to talk about, y'know? And it's over now, so... You're back, it's over, and all that in-between shit is what I'd rather forget.

...The nurse? Which, uh, nurse? I know a lot of— Wait, sorry, distracted. You were crying yourself to sleep...? Mum, I'm sorry. I wish I could've fixed it.

Fuck, I hope not. You have no idea how fucking monotonous this room gets without voices in my head. It's miserably boring. Makes me miss my dullest classes and shifts. Nothin' on this. ...I hope it doesn't either. But— Please, don't say that, yeah? They're not— There's nothing to fear from them. Nothing.

The dictionary—? Hey, hey, Mum, you didn't need to—

Sorry? For what? None of this is on you.

...Mum, that doesn't mean this is your fault. And, look, I got the information I wanted, yeah? And then some! The process wasn't fun, sure, but— This isn't your doing, okay? Don't go talking bullshit that way. Please. I'll power through, okay? I just... The only reason I was that upset was because I didn't... I didn't think you'd be coming back, yeah? I'd like if you could stay, but I don't want you tearing into yourself if you can't. I know it isn't your decision.

Me too...

[incorrectlumityquotes]

Lumity Episode Master List

Well, this is it gang. It's over. The Owl House is finished. Part of me will always be bitter about Disney gutting season three.

BUT at the same time, part of me is glad that The Owl House is over. Because that means lumity is canon forever and nobody can change that. What's that Disney? You don't like the gay? Well too bad. The only way you can change it is to make more episodes which I know you're not gonna do.

Nana-nana, boo-boo. Stick your head in doo-doo.

It's been a fantastic journey and if you ever wanna go through it again, there's always Disney Plus. But if just want your lumity fix without going through every single episode, then here you go.

I did it for starco and now I'm doing it for lumity. Here's every single episode the led up to lumity.

Spoilers for a show that we painfully know has ended.

"I Was a Teenage Abomination"

The revolution was a lie. Do you remember? When we were young and you wanted to set the world on fire? Sorry that's a reference to a song I like.

You can't do a list about a ship without actually starting the ship. The episode where Luz and Amity first meet and thank jeebus they did. Personally, I thought the first episode was okay and I didn't like the second one. But this episode was amazing. 10/10.

Luz feels like she isn't learning as much as she could from Eda so she sneaks into a witch school. With witch kids. We meet Willow and then we meet Amity, who I honestly thought was going to be some kind of Draco Malfoy bully type character. And she's kinda sorta like that in this episode. Little did we know the love that was gonna blossom here.

"Covention"

I get it. It's like coven and convention. OH now I get it. Well, we can't have them be enemies to lovers without them being enemies first. Willow and Gus invite Luz, Eda and King to the local covention where Amity just happens to be checking out the Emperor's Coven panel.

Yeah, she's still upset over the whole 'pretending to be an abomination thing.' We get some classic Malfoy-esque bullying from Amity that pushes Luz to challenge her. Since the Clawthorne sisters refuse to have one up over the other, they both cheat, embarrassing Amity.

The scene where Luz apologizes to Amity was the first hint that Amity would go beyond a Malfoy-bully character. Even though Amity was still upset, she broke the pact and Luz held no ill will towards her.

"Lost in Language"

I'm lost in language and I don't know what I'm thinking about. I'm back on my feet. Eager to be what you want me. Sorry. That's another song.

We get the first seed of the actual lumity ship and my first "I ship them" episode. Luz goes to the local library and the show shock everyone by showing Amity...reading to kids in the kids corner. You guys gotta remember that at the time this blew everyone's minds. The bully character reading to kids in the library? And they love her? Everyone's view of Amity changed, especially Luz's. Then we met Edric and Emira, who unlike Amity, are super cool and nice. All of which plays to the theme of the episode.

We (and Luz) discover that Amity is a lot more than she seems. She's not the bully character. Same with Edric and Emira. They're not the cool ones; they're the bullies. And that's the same way Amity feels about Luz. But with a little teamwork and a horrifying children's character come to life, Amity agrees to try to be a friendlier witch.

"Adventures in the Elements"

We wouldn't see Amity again for another several episodes. Thank goodness for that other country airing the episode early, am I right, people? Anyway.

Luz finally goes out with Eda for some serious witch training after Amity (oh cramity) warns her about the baby class. We get Amity making an actual effort to be nice to Luz, which almost completely goes to hell when Luz takes Amity's training wand. But then she does the "You'll only get hurt bit," and we see more of those little glimpses.

It's safe to say that after this episode Luz and Amity actually did become friends. No ill will on either side.

"Understanding Willow"

Luz and Amity became friends in the previous episode. Just Luz and Amity. Willow and Gus were a different story. Especially Willow. This is that story. It's the full story.

It's revealed that Willow and Amity used to be friends until Amity's parents forced Amity to push Willow away, something Willow still resents her for.

In the lumity side of things, Luz starts wiggling her way into Amity's heart with her upbeat, positive attitude. It's infectious. We even get a lumity hug, even if it was one sided.

"Enchanting Grom Fright"

Come on. Come on. Do I even have to at this point? The episode that blew this ship into the stratosphere.

It's Grom season and everyone's getting a date. Except for Amity who is unfortunately named the grom queen which means she has to fight a horrifying shapeshifting monster. Horray for The Boiling Isles being a safe and sensible place to live. Luz, being Luz, takes Amity's place so she doesn't have her worst fear come to life in front of everyone. But Luz is unable to face her greatest fear, and it takes the power of Wan to put Grom back in his place.

I love this episode. I love talking about this episode. I love how Amity is staring at her note because she's contemplating putting it in Luz's locker. I love how she says "Watch it, nitwit," before she realizes who she's talking to. I love how Luz and Amity randomly meet at the woods. Is it sloppy writing? Fuck you. I love when Amity grabs her dress when Grom tears her note. That's such a kid thing to do.

This is already way too long. I should move on.

"Wing It Like Witches"

The final part of the original lumity trilogy. We get the stupid fakey made up magical sport. Fuck you, Harry Potter. And we also get Boscha being a royal B. Someone tell her to see you next Tuesday. Am I right, people?

Luz, being Luz, wants to stand up to Boscha for Willow but, being Luz, makes things so much worse. Amity pops in and out of the episode to try to help but the gay panic is too much for her. Amity admits, out loud, that she loves how Luz seems to always get herself in over her head when she's trying to help someone. But they lose anyway. Fuck you, Harry Potter.

Enchanting Grom Fright was huge. But this episode was a bunch of fun. Fuck you, Harry Potter.

"Escaping Expulsion"

After breaking Amity's leg because we didn't want her anywhere near the season one finale, she finally makes her grand return. We also meet her parents and Odalia is one of the biggest Karen's I've ever seen. Luz gets expelled which is bad but she's more concerned over Willow and Gus. She tries to cut a deal with thicc mama Blight, but gets roped into product demonstration. Odalia tries to kill a child and fails when Amity appears from the rafters like Sting and announces to the world, "Stay away from my Luz."

It was awesome. We get a return blush and Luz officially starts crushing on Amity back. Reminds me of another post I did long ago telling everyone to be freaking patient. This episode also marks Amity being a part of the Hexsquad, but not one hundred percent into the friend group just yet.

"Through the Looking Glass Ruins"

I'm looking at you through the glass. Don't know how much time has past...I forgot the rest of the song.

It's funny because I guess the lumity stuff was actually the B-plot to this episode. This episode was very important for a lot of reasons. It introduced Phillip's diary, the galderstones, Matt and Gus kinda became friends. But we're not here to talk about that.

Luz discovers the there was a human in The Boiling Isles who donated a journal to the Bonesboro library. And since Amity works at the library, you know the whole two stones thing. And we see Luz crushing hard on Amity for the first time.

Unfortunately, Luz does get Amity in trouble again for like the fourth(?) time or something. That puts a real dent in things. But Luz comes through for Amity (offscreen) and gets her her job back. Amity makes the first move right at the end of the episode marking the beginning of the purple Amity era.

"Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Hooty's Door"

Hey, hey, hey! Please tell me I'm not the only one that got that reference. Don't make me feel old.

This is it. The most important episode since Grom. Dana and the crew knew that the series had been cut short so they had to speed things up. So they turned to...Hooty? Yeah. Okay. Sure. Whatever.

Luz is torn between finding a way back to the human realm and trying to ask out Amity. And you know that old saying about chasing two rabbits? Yeah. Hooty's solution? Kidnap Amity and force the two into the tunnel of love. Amity is actually totally digging the tunnel of love but Luz is afraid that Amity is going to make fun of her. Both ideas backfire and Amity starts to the think that she's been rejected already.

But that's to Hooty losing his mind, and a little advice from Eda, Luz asks out Amity. And she says YES! Lumity canon! In episode 8 of season 2! That's how you do it, Star vs the Forces of Evil! You give the people what they want. And now that Amity is Luz's girlfriend, she can help get more info out of the echo mouse.

And the love stuff too.

"Eclipse Lake"

Oh right. Amity. The girlfriend of Luz. The girl who is in a romantic relationship with Luz. Luz's girlfriend. That's Amity.

We have the first episode of Luz and Amity being a couple and hoo-boy, did Amity make sure to let us know. Nervous about having her first serious girlfriend, Amity wants to prove to Luz and herself that she is an awesome girlfriend. By going into the titan's veins to steal some of its blood.

As one does.

Hunter tries to prey on Amity's (and his own) insecurities about having to prove your worth. But it takes King and some well placed emoji messages to remind Amity why she fell in love with Luz in the first place. That Luz is so different from her family and her social circle. She doesn't have to prove anything to Luz. Luz wears her affection on her sleeve.

"Follies at the Coven Day Parade"

Night of the living dead is on its way. I keep making a lot of song references here.

This is the episode were the couple hits their first snag as a couple. Luz has a serious problem communicating when something is wrong (more on that later). After the traumatizing events of the previous episode, Luz can't bring herself to tell Amity that she promised her mom that she'd leave forever, especially since Amity is doing so much to get closer to Luz like learning Spanish. But Amity ain't no dummy. She can tell when Luz is hiding something. It's made even worse when Amity gets a hold of Luz's phone, which anyone who has been in a relationship could tell you, is a trap.

Luckily, trust and compassion win out in the end. Luz tells Amity exactly what happened, and they communicate. But if Luz was honest with Amity in the first place, we'd only have half an episode.

"Any Sport in a Storm"

Again, Lumity takes the B-plot.

While huntlow is becoming a thing, Luz and Amity try to search for the author of the Azura book series. On the way they parody fan theories in the nicest way I've ever seen in a show. And the big twist of the author of Azura turns out to be that there is no twist. It really is just a fantasy book series that Luz really likes that sometimes washes up in The Boiling Isles.

This episode is important because it serves to remind people what Luz and Amity have in common. Pointing out the fact that the two girls are different is fun, but sometimes you just have to go back to basics and remember that Luz and Amity just really like each other, get along, and are both nerds who like the same book series. And that whole opposites attract thing is bullshit. The key is compliments, not opposties.

"Reaching Out"

Hoo-boy. This one is heavy.

It's a special day for Luz, which is not a good thing. She wants to do anything but be alone with her thoughts. Good thing Amity shows up with a problem that could distract them all day.

Amity thinks that signing up for the Bonesboro Brawl could bring her closer to her dad (since her mom is obviously a lost cause) and ditches coven tryouts to compete for the championship title. Luz tries to help, but when Amity has the competition in the bag, Luz tries to help even more to keep herself busy.

But, as usual, Luz gets Amity in trouble and it really hurts this time. Not only did Luz get Amity in trouble (again), but she won't talk to her (again). When Amity has had enough, Luz does what she only does as a last resort and actually communicates.

That's when everything changes. It's the anniversary of Luz's dad's death. And usually Luz and Camila spend the day together. You know, to make it hurt less. But this year, she can't be with her.

This episode is important because after seeing Amity at a low point an unfair amount of times, this time Amity is seeing Luz at her lowest point. Amity makes this one face that, to me, says that Amity is shocked (to say the least) that her girlfriend was in pain this whole time. But she was so wrapped up in her own problems that she didn't notice. Or at least, that's my interpretation.

Luz and Amity make up and pick flowers together. It wasn't pretty or that romantic. It hurt and was kinda sad. But if you want to paint a pretty picture, sometimes you're gonna use some dark colors. And they're stronger for it.

"Clouds on the Horizon"

Oh yeah, baby. You know what this episode is.

When all hope seemed lost, it turns out not everyone believed Bellos' promises of paradise on the Day of Unity. While the adults are trying to stop the draining spell, Luz is sent on a slightly less dangerous mission of rescuing Amity from her mom's house arrest. Thicc Mama Blight even broke Amity's tamagachi thing. That bitch. See her next Tuesday.

But hope comes in the form of a Noceda as Luz enters through her bedroom window, Romeo & Juliet style. She promises Amity a slice-of-life future and Amity can't hold back anymore and

Gifs you can hear. Am I right, people?

We get it. Our first kiss. Our babies grow up so fast.

Actually no, that took forever, but you get my meaning.

Season 3: "Thanks to Them" "For the Future" "Watching and Dreaming"

Okay yeah, this is a bit of a cop out, but also, not really. Since Disney decided to be, well Disney, season three was cut short. Just enough to finish the story, but not enough to get lumity centric episodes. Everything was mashed together into 3 forty minute episodes.

Yes, we do have a lot of important lumity moments, but they're generally spread around all three episodes. None of them are more important than the other.

"Thanks to Them" had Luz coming out to her mom and introducing Amity. "For the Future" had Amity comforting Luz about her palisman. "Watching and Dreaming" had more kisses.

Unfortunately, I have to end the list by just saying watch all of them or none of them. Not very specific for a post that's supposed to be a specific list. Sorry, gang.

[diagonal-queen]

Maybe Kouyou teaching gn!reader manners in her unique way? 😌

Sakura Kisses

♡ pairing: Kouyou Ozaki x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: Your girlfriend Kouyou teaches you Port Mafia etiquette after you become a new member under her supervision.

♡ wc: 1.1k

♡ cw: Mentions of mafia business including murder, basically just one long conversation between you and Kouyou, reader is a bit of a silly (self-insert much?? I am so silly)

note: I took a couple creative liberties with this one, so...hopefully it's alright lol. This is one of my OLDEST reqs and I'm only now finishing it, I'm so sorry nonnie I love you so much babe and I fucking love Kouyou too man, she's not my favourite girl (LUCY DEFENDER TILL I DIE) but she's amazing nonetheless. When she appeared in Stormbringer I think I screamed. Anyways, apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

"Are you gonna teach me how to differentiate between all those salad forks that princesses use?" You sighed. "I don't wanna do all that. I wanna use ONE fork when I eat."

You really didn't know what to expect when Kouyou had suggested sitting down and giving you an informal lecture on 'mafia etiquette'. As far as you were concerned, those sorts of words were reserved for high-class individuals, and people from before the 20th century. You'd expected your induction into the mafia to involve a lot more active bloodshed; full of action, and littered with corpses of faceless enemies- something like what Chuuya Nakahara had experienced when he first joined, or so you'd heard.

Apparently not. Not when your girlfriend is an executive, anyway.

"No, nothing like that," Kouyou chuckled. "Mafia and monarchy aren't synonyms."

"Well, they're pretty damn fancy though, right? I can only guess by you, at least..."

"You'd be surprised," she replied. "I'm perhaps one of the most...'fancy' individuals in the organisation."

"Is that right?" You raised your eyebrows, curiously. "I dunno...I just assumed organised crime would be organised, like how it is in those old gangster movies."

"Of course, those films aren't based in reality. The Mafia is much more brutal than any screen could display, though I understand you're already aware of it." Kouyou locked eyes with you, her gaze firm. "Yes?"

"...I mean, sure..." you answered, before adjusting in your seat. "Right then. What's the first thing I should know? Like, gimmie the basics."

Kouyou cleared her throat. "There is a rule of transaction here in the Port Mafia. You don't want to be indebted to anyone else here."

"But I'm indebted to you, Kou!" You said. Kouyou chuckled.

"Not me, dear. Nobody else, though. I'm sure if I talk to him I can grant you some mild immunity with Chuuya." She explained. You inhaled, never having met the executive before but having heard stories. He certainly sounded like someone you would want immunity from.

"You and him are close, right?" You asked her.

"Indeed. I did help oversee him when he first joined the mafia, as I'm doing for you now."

"How long ago was that?"

"Seven years ago," Kouyou answered quietly, seemingly remembering the time fondly. "He was rather plucky at that age. He found his rhythm here rather easily, nonetheless."

"Good for him. Bet he was better at it than I am, eh?" You chuckled. Kouyou tilted her head, before bowing her head.

"Don't fret about it, dear. You'll feel more comfortable here in no time, though...you can't be too comfortable. This is the Mafia, after all." She shifted in her seat to better face you. "Now, I'm going to ask you some questions which you'll need to know the answers to in order to...survive here."

"...'survive'?" You slowly repeat the word, as if foreign to your tongue.

"Many lower ranking members, such as assassins and those who run errands for the higher-ups, are rather disposable. Many in my position would have no problem killing you if you were to upset them at all," She explained, her voice calm as if this were completely normal. You hadn't been a part of Kouyou's world for an extremely long time, but you decided to start expecting a lot more death very soon. You knew she was desensitised to it and you were fine with that, but...

"God, that's frightening. I thought you said you could get me some kind of immunity, though."

"I said I'll see what I can do with Chuuya. In all honesty, I believe you two have the capacity to be good friends, so long as you don't anger him."

"Well then, bring on the questions, I guess..." you muttered in reply, before perking up after what you felt to be a brilliant idea popped into your head. "Will you kiss me when I get a question right?"

Kouyou blinked in surprise. "Why, that's..." she partially covered her now-red face with her sleeve. You gave her a smile.

"Please? How else will I motivate myself to do well?" You begged, giving her a slight mock-pout. "Come on, you wanna kiss me, Kouyou. You wanna kiss me sooooo bad, I can tell."

"Fine, fine," she nodded quickly, waving her arm slightly. "I agree to these terms. Are you satisfied?"

"Sure am!" You grinned. "So, go on!"

"Alright..." Kouyou straightened her posture and softly cleared her throat. "If I were to approach you and ask your name, what do you tell me?"

"...my name?" You answered, confused. "You know my name."

"Regardless, you would tell me anyway. When an executive asks a question, they are demanding an answer."

"Right, okay..." You nodded, "Then, my name is Y/F/N."

"If you're asked who you work for, what do you tell them?" She asked. You pursed your lips for a moment.

"...uh, you? Miss Ozaki Kouyou?"

Kouyou shook her head. "You work for the organisation."

"The Port Mafia?"

"Yes. That's your reply. In this line of work you don't answer just to me, you also answer to Ougai."

"Who?"

"The boss of the Port Mafia," she clarified, "the kingpin of the organisation. You must have already seen Mr. Mori with Elise, yes?"

You frowned, confused. "...Elise?"

"The young blonde girl who accompanies him."

"Oh, yeah, her! She's adorable," you said, with a smile. "She's his daughter, right? I mean, I just assumed, but I didn't know if it'd be rude to bring it up at all. They don't look alike, so maybe...adoption? I don't know."

"...no, that's not quite it..." she began, tentatively. "You shouldn't ask about her, though. Don't bring it up in front of them, or anybody for that fact. Perish the thought, now. Simply do not ever think about it."

"...I don't..." you began with a shake of your head, utterly confused. "Okay...sure. Is that another rule?"

"Consider it most crucial," she answered, stone faced. Despite having such a graceful face painted with fine, expensive makeup, her expression was no less unnerving. You could only blink at her.

"...alright. Anything else?"

"'Anything else?'" Kouyou repeated, before releasing an airy giggle. "Certainly- we may be here for some time, my dear."

"Oh, I'll be getting a lot of kisses then," you grinned, and she laughed once more. "Am I right?"

"...you are, yes. In which case..." Kouyou slowly leaned over and brushed her soft red lips against your own. When she drew back, she gave you a small smile. "Well done, my darling."

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not believing my friends new boyfriends "backstory"

I 20(F) am very close friends with a girl (20F) who we will call Alex. Alex recently got out of a really bad relationship with someone our age, and jumped very quickly into a new relationship with a man 14 years older than her, who we will call Ben. Alex and Ben are in the same community college class, and have known each other for 2 years as friends.

I have never actually met Ben. I am at a college several hours away and Alex is one of those people who like to keep friends she's made in different parts of her life separate from each other, like school friends all know each other but don't mix with collage friends, who don't mix with work friends etc. She says it's an autism thing but idk. She doesn't do this this romantic partners tho, she introduces them to all her friends and she's keen for me and Ben to meet now.

Recently, Alex has been telling me more about Ben, all the normal relationship stuff you'll tell your friends. He seems to be a lot better than her previous partner, but the bar is in hell, so it's not difficult to be a better partner (or person) than the previous guy. But idk a lot of the stories about his life she's told sound very far fetched? Like not impossible but more likely to happen in a soap opera than real life, you know?

The story that pushed me over the edge into complete scepticism was that apparently Ben had been online dating someone for several years who died unexpectedly, and their mother took over their computer after their death and pretended to be them for over a year until the mother died and lawyers involved in her will contacted Ben, and the mothers plot was revealed.

Now... that might not be impossible, but I'm smelling bullshit. When i have online dated before, we've spoken on voice chats, and on facetime, via Snapchats etc - did none of that happen for over a year? No new photos in over a year? Was this mother faking to all their mutual friends - some of which were IRL apparently- too or were they all in on it? Also, who is this mother who can perfectly copy her child's texting style, so much so that their long term partner didn't see a change? I know my mother and I text very differently, and the evil mother in this story was have been in her late 50s at the time, so I highly doubt that she and her mid-twenties child just so happened to text exactly the same way. Alex says Ben is rly into memes and meme culture too, and I really really doubt that a late 50s mother - grieving mother no less - is just going to instantly understand meme culture to the point where he wouldn't notice that his "partner" was behaving differently. Also, a lawyer is not going to an Internet boyfriend first when dealing with wills. They just arent. The whole thing sounds either fake, extremely exaggerated.

Alex did not take it well when I (gently) tried to point out the weird bits in this story. She got very defensive and claimed I was judging Ben just based on his age and looking for something to be upset about, and that I'm disrespecting his trauma by being sceptical. She said that because I've never met him I'm projecting bad vibes towards him based on my own assumptions. Idk maybe she's right and I'm being unkind AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[nidianddeepspace]

The Tale of the Hoodie Thief

❥ Xavier x OC ❥ An OC remembering loving moments with the Star Baby ❥ stealing your beloved's hoodie, wearing it because it smells like them, FLUFF FLUFFITY FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF ❥ College/University AU, the (my) MC and Xavier as University Students

Hoodies - an essential part of anyone's wardrobe and doubly so for the college student that chooses comfort over everything else. It's a simple garment - you just throw it on, decide if you want to wear the hood or not, and bask in the warm comfort of the fabric before going on with the rest of your day.

I am no stranger to hoodies. Back then, half my closet was filled with them, a range of colors and styles that were sure to impress any and all comfort-focused fashionistas. But there was one particular hoodie I loved more than the others - a pink cashmere hoodie my auntie gifted me last Christmas. I didn't wear it very often, but when I did, I felt like I was the walking epitome of luxury loungewear elegance. Now granted, I didn't know if that was an actual thing, but I didn't care either. I felt what I felt.

So when I realized that it was missing the afternoon I was suppose to hang out with you for a bit, I was exasperated and heartbroken. No matter how many times I rummaged through my closet, I just couldn't find it. I was so upset that my room, usually very neat with everything in it's place, resembled the aftermath of a fashion explosion. I want to curl up into a tiny ball and cry 'til I had no more tears. If I had plans to meet up with anyone else, I would have ghosted them due to my grief. But since it was you, I pressed on.

If there was anyone who could comfort me about my missing hoodie, Xavier, it was you.

As I walked to your dorm, trying to keep it together, it began to rain. But I wasn't about to let some water further ruin my day - I was prepared. As I opened up my umbrella, I started thinking about that night we got caught in a rainstorm on the way home from the arcade. Our good time was washed away by the relentless downpour which neither of us were ready for.

"This is BS! I'm so sorry, Xavier." We rushed through the streets as fast as we could, pelted my the largest droplets of rain I'd ever seen. "At this rate, the both of us are going to get sick."

"It's okay, your dorm isn't that far."

"Yeah, but we're already drenched as it is. This is my fault, I should have checked the weather before we left."

"Don't worry about it, it's fine." Even in the middle of a thunderstorm, you were still so calm and collected. "Try not to worry too much."

Soon, we were rushing into my dorm room, huddling up together to keep warm. You sprung into action, grabbing towels from my closet, helping me to dry off. The rain hadn't washed away the scent of your cologne, and I could smell that faint scent of the forest and the musk as you used one towel to dry off my hair and shoulders. If you wanted to, you could have heard my heart fluttering, so painfully aware of how close we were.

"Y-You don't have to do this," I stammered, looking away. I hoped you didn't see the crimson spreading across my face. "Besides, you need to get that hoodie off you. I wonder if any of the dryers on my floor are free."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"Too late for that." I'm always worried about you. I care about you so much, can't you see that? I didn't dare say those words aloud. "Anyway, aren't you afraid of getting sick. We have that big test next week."

"if I get sick, I just won't go to class. I can study on my own and if I ask you nicely, you're share your notes with me, right?"

"Well yes, but..."

"Then I've got it covered. So please, don't worry." He smiled as he finished dry my hair, tossing the towel side. "I don't like it when you worry."

"Ah...well, you can stay here until it stops raining. In the mean time, at take off your hoodie and grab one of mine from the closet."

You arched an eyebrow. "One of your hoodies? Would they even fit me?"

"Don't look at me like that, of course they will fit you. Most, if not all my hoodies are oversized. Just pick one and give it back to me later. I'll go see if I can wash and dry your hoodie, hopefully the machines are free."

I came to a complete stop just steps away from your door. It was all coming back to me - you'd left before I'd had a chance to see what hoodie you chose. You sent me a text letting know you were really tired so you had to go. I thought nothing of it at the time. I washed and dried your hoodie, I gave it back to you a few days later, and we went back to the arcade the following weekend.

Realization hit me like a freaking bus.

No...you couldn't have done that...right? No, you...wait...did...did you?

Xavier, did you actually grab my pink cashmere hoodie?!

There was only one way to find out.

(To Be Continued)

[snippychicke]

For the Sake of a Smile (V.2) Chapter Twenty-One

Title: For the Sake of a Smile (Revised)

Overall Rating: Mature (18+)

Chapter Rating: M for Mature. We've begun the 18+ content

Trigger warnings: Nothing beyond the child abuse hinted in the series, though we do explore the consequences a bit more.

Main Pairing: Balam Shichiro/Reader

Summary: Hell on earth was your motto for your job. Granted, you were pretty sure earth really was hell, considering the shit you had seen in your life. And the fact your coworker was a child. 

A child named Suzuki Iruma, in fact. A kid who’s life was decidedly worse than yours, but yet he smiled despite everything. It wasn’t long after meeting him that you decided you’d do a lot for his smile. Including summoning a literal demon and signing your soul away.

But as it turns out, hell (The Netherworld, actually) was a lot better than living on earth. Demons were more humane than a lot of humans you knew.

And Iruma’s smile wasn’t the only one that would change your life.

Masterlist | Ao3| Mairimashitai! Simps Discord

"I am the worst mother ever!" You bawled as you buried your face in Sullivan's shoulder as he held you close, doing his best to comfort you. "I can't believe I forgot Iruma's birthday!"

"You've been under a lot of stress, sweetie," Your adoptive father reassured, rubbing circles along your back. "I'm sure Iruma understands, you know how he is."

"That makes it worse," You cried. You knew Iruma would forgive you and shrug it off, if he hadn’t already. After all, Shichiro had said he hadn’t seemed too concerned about it, nor was he lying. 

But to you, his disregard was worse than him being upset. It was a stark reminder that until just a few years ago, Iruma never had his birthday celebrated. No one -- not even his own parents -- cared for him enough to take the time and celebrate his life..

It tore at your heart because you knew even if he didn't act like it, you were positive your lapse of memory had reminded him of those dark days. Did he think you were as careless as his biological parents? That now that your lives had improved, you didn't want to celebrate such things?

"Then let's make it up to our boy, hmm?" Sullivan offered, breaking through your thoughts as he tilted your chin to look at him and wipe your tears. "We’ll throw him a party for this year and all the birthdays I missed as well."

You nodded your head eagerly at the idea, the thought sounding perfect to you. 

Yes. You would make up for lost time; not just the last few weeks, but the ones you had missed as well, from birth until that fateful day you met him. To make sure Iruma knew exactly how loved and cherished he was.

--+--

You were quick to learn that Demonic Rites were the devilish version of a grand birthday party. While Opera and Sullivan took the lead coordinating the event since they were experts in the field, you helped as best you could such as choosing some of the dishes to be served and picking out the presents. Yet the greatest task you had was making sure Iruma was kept preoccupied as not to notice anything was amiss, which the entirety of the Misfit class was all too happy to assist with once you confided in them.

While traditionally Demonic Rites were saved for milestone birthdays - with much smaller events for the other years - Sullivan was all too happy to use the excuse that it was the first birthday he was able to celebrate with his grandson to excuse the celebration. He was apparently going all out from what you could gather, renting a whole other castle. 

Though as it turned out, that was tradition as well. Even demons believed in bad luck and holding a Rite in your own dwelling was a surefire way to invoke misfortune. It was also the reason for the costumes; in case Bad Luck spirits did find the revelers.  

Apparently, spirits couldn't curse you if they couldn't recognize you. To you, it didn’t make much sense, but you weren’t going to balk at tradition. At least, not this one. 

"Life is precious in the Netherworld," Shichiro explained over the phone the evening before the Rite. He had been a wealth of information about the traditions over the whirlwind of the week. "Our world is harsh, and once upon a time it was not uncommon for a demon to be killed before reaching adulthood. So we take every precaution to protect it, especially when we celebrate it.

"It's also a time where demons show their gratitude for their peers. After all, demons do not frequently bond the way humans do, and showing appreciation and kinship is usually very rare. The Misfit class are truly misfits in that regard…"

They certainly were. Not just for demons, but you had a feeling that even on earth they'd be an odd bunch. Yet you couldn't help but love all of them, hearing the debacle that occurred earlier that day as they fought over who was Iruma's friend and who was the boy's 'soulmate'.

You had to agree, Clara and Az seemed to be Iruma’s platonic (or so you assumed, at least) soulmates. Those three had a bond like no other that it was heartwarming, inspiring, and slightly terrifying when you thought of what those three could do if they wanted. 

But the entire class itself was bonded tighter than any friend group you had seen - let alone experienced. You were sure that those thirteen students could achieve anything if they set their mind to it. And somehow, Iruma was more-or-less the ringleader of their troupe.

"You're coming tomorrow, right?" You asked Shichiro, glancing at the costume that hung from your closet door. Both Sullivan and Opera had assisted with choosing it…

Well - they had done more than assist, to be honest. It was more like they had chosen it and you meekly agreed when you saw the looks on their faces. Not that it was something you hated or even disliked; it was beautiful, and something that had caught your eye right away.

Your only reservation was the fact it was so… decadent, even for a costume ball. It had such beautiful wispy fabric that flowed with the slightest breeze, the waist framed with a corset-vest that - thankfully - hadn't felt too uncomfortable when you tried it on, and a high neckline that would hide your lack of wings. 

And a crown of flowers and faux horns that completed the piece.

You worried it was too fancy, but assumed the two demons would know best. You also couldn’t help but wonder what Shichiro's reaction to it would be. After all, no matter what you wore -- a casual outfit or something more special -- his gaze always lingered enough to cause you to feel beautiful.

You wondered if you could actually make his jaw drop. 

"Nothing could make me miss it," Shichiro assured, his voice deep and smooth it made tingles race down your spine. "I'll be there, promise."

--+--

Sullivan and Opera had left early to finalize the preparations, leaving you to escort Iruma to the surprise party. Thankfully, Opera had hitched the Nightmares to one of the smaller carriages before leaving so you didn't ruin your dress. Especially knowing Deinos, who loved to be as impish as she could be.

The Nightmares knickered softly as you and Iruma exited the mansion, both dressed in your costumes. "To Lord Sullivan," You instructed the demonic-horses simply as you opened the carriage door. They snorted in understanding, making you smile as you patted Lampon's flank before boarding.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Iruma asked as the carriage began to move.

"It's a secret~" You answered in a singsong voice, smiling at his pout. "You'll love it though, I promise."

His pout didn't change, though he watched as you smoothed down your skirt, still unused to such rich material. "Well, you look beautiful, mom."

You blushed, "And you look very handsome, Iruma. Who would have thought we both could clean up so well, hmm?"

He laughed at that, and soon both of you were sharing memories of when you were less than presentable. Such as being covered in fish guts after being tripped - or when he came back from a forging trip, completely covered in mud and leaves. It had taken weeks to get every bit of mud and grime from the tiny shower afterwards, but you refused to spray him with the hose used to clean the floor of the workshop as many had recommended. Mainly because the water was ice cold and it was late autumn and winter had been attempting to set in.

The ride wasn't very long, and soon the carriage slowed to a stop. Opera opened the door before you could even think about it, holding a hand out to Iruma and then you once the boy was on the ground.

But before you could take a look around, a blindfold settled over your eyes. You jerked in surprise, fear and panic setting in as a pair of large hands settled on your shoulders. "Calm down, my dear," Sullivan reassured softly, thumbs rubbing calming circles into the bone of your shoulder. "We don't want to ruin the surprise."

"This is Iruma's Demonic Rite!" You protested as your adopted father led you (presumably) to where the Rite was to take place.

"Do you think I would celebrate my grandson's life, and not my daughter's?" Sullivan chuckled as a groan of old, heavy doors opening filled the air. A sound you were familiar with, given the Library's own doors perchance to complain every time they were opened.

But surely you weren't there. You heard hushed yet excited whispers, making your heart pound as Sullivan continued to guide you. He gently coaxed you up a couple of steps before turning you around and encouraging you to sit.

A moment later you heard Opera guide Iruma into a seat next to yours. There was a hushed countdown before the blindfold fell from your eyes, revealing the elaborately decorated ballroom with a large bonfire burning brightly in a pit at the center. The Misfits along with a few other Babyls students cheered your name along with Iruma's, making your heart catch in your throat.

"Mom?" Iruma asked softly as Sullivan and Opera joined in with the others as they began to dance-- an ancient dance, full of guttural words that truly made it seem like a demonic ritual.

"A Demonic Ritual is how they celebrate birthdays," You explained in a hush whisper, entranced by the performance. "We -- grandpa, Opera, and I -- planned on it being a secret, and to also make up for missing your actual birthday this year. I didn't think they'd plan on putting me in the spotlight too…"

Iruma's hand found yours, a smile on his face and that cheery light in his large blue eyes. "We've always celebrated our birthdays together. I was actually just telling Professor Balam that the other day…"

Oh. Oh. You caught sight of the tall broad demon standing apart, watching the revelers dance while also apparently taking a head count.

Those sneaky demons. Your heart grew warm at the realization that while you thought you were in on the surprise for Iruma, the three demons had been building a surprise for you as well.

As if he was aware of your gaze, Shichiro looked towards you, his expression shifting into a smile as he offered a small wave.

"It seems we are missing a guest," Opera said as he suddenly appeared on Iruma's other side. You tore your gaze away from Shichiro for a moment, and in a flash of light and smoke, a familiar white puffball appeared, looking disgruntled as always.

"EGGY SENSEI!" The Misfits cheered excitedly, and Kalego's reluctant presence seemed to be the last thing needed for the celebration to kick into full swing.

Over the last several months, you had slowly gotten used to the positive attention from the students as well as the teachers of Babyls. But that did little to prepare you for sitting in the spotlight as the guests symbolically gave part of their life to you as they poured out the burning water into the central bonfire. Or as each knelt one by one, offering their gifts with the heartfelt words: "Thank you for being born and living amongst us."

"I appreciate the love and kindness you give us, Mrs. Suzuki."

"I'm so happy I get to have two moms! My siblings are so jealous!"

"I know you're not my mother, but it really feels like you are sometimes."

"Your beauty is outstanding, my lady! May you continue to age so gracefully!"

"Thank you for caring so much."

"Thank you for bringing Iruma to us!"

"I appreciate your dedication to Babyls and its students," Kalego grumbled begrudgingly, offering a small delicate flower as a gift. (Where he got one considering his Summoned state, you weren't sure.) "You are one among few others whom I can tolerate."

"That's high praise coming from the professor," Iruma whispered as if you weren't already aware. Yet any reply died on your lips as Shichiro approached, quickly bowing low as his green feathered wings spread out wide to their full extent.

Yes, the others did the same as a sign of respect - but something seemed different….

Or maybe you were just head over heels for Shichiro that seeing him like that, knowing just how strong and powerful he was yet showing his weakest spot to you…

Your thoughts were interrupted as he looked up, his gaze focused on both you and Iruma as he spoke your names. "Thank you both for living in our world, and for being amongst us."

The sentiment had been expressed before, but by those oblivious to the reality of you and Iruma's true circumstances. But he knew. He knew it all. Your throat grew tight as he presented his gifts, hands briefly grazing yours as you accepted the box as your gazes locked.

The warmth, the sincerity, the love in his eyes meant the world to you. He meant the world to you.

You struggled with the urge to simply slide from your chair to your knees and pull him close for a kiss to reciprocate those tender emotions. Except you were still aware of everyone else watching, so you just caressed his hand deliberately with a smile hopefully conveying your feelings.

His eyes crinkled as he returned your smile, fingers lacing briefly before he pulled away and stood. Your eyes followed him as he stepped away.

Until Sullivan stepped up, his own eyes glittering knowingly. He didn't say a word, but knelt down as he took Iruma's hand as well as yours into his. His black wings opened, but instead of splaying them in a submissive gesture, he curled around the three of you.

"You both mean so much to me, you are truly my treasures," He spoke softly, squeezing your hand tightly. "I am sincerely thankful you both came into my life."

"Grandpa…"

"Dad…"

This time, you did leave your seat, having the same idea as Iruma as you wrapped your arms around both your father and son, and feeling their arms around you.

You were loved. Just as strongly as you loved them, they loved you.

--+--

The rest of the party was truly a party. You swore you had been to more festivals and parties in the last few months than before in your prior life.

But instead of standing on the outskirts of the party with Kalego and Balam as you typically ended up doing, you were drawn into the menagerie this time. You danced with several students as well as Opera, Sullivan, and then oddly Fluffego, when he was all but shoved in your arms by an impish Opera. He acted begrudgingly as you twirled him around, his small hands holding onto your fingers. You had your toes stepped on as well as stepped on a few yourself, but it was all brushed off with a laugh and even more dancing.

You hadn't had unbridled fun like this for such a long time. Your face hurt from smiling so widely, ribs aching from laughing.

But your favorite part was when large warm hands wrapped around your waist when you had slipped towards the table laden with food and drinks. "You look beautiful," Shichiro whispered as he held you tight around your midsection, making you smile. You had briefly danced with him, no more than thirty seconds, during one where you were constantly changing partners. Otherwise it seemed like the universe had conspired to keep you separated.

"I'm sure I would've been more lovely if my personal hairdresser had helped," You teased lightly as you glanced over the treats, taking your time to enjoy being held against him. "But I have a nagging suspicion he was in on the surprise."

"Iruma explained how you had always celebrated your birthday with him, and never told him when your actual birthday was," He admitted, chin resting atop your head despite the decorative horns. "We -- Lord Sullivan, Senpai, and myself-- figured it would be best to continue the tradition. Especially considering you would likely refuse to tell us once you knew what it may entail."

You bit your lip out of reflex to hide your smile. "You three really do know me well, don't you?" Because he was right; once learning of Demonic Rites, and knowing Sullivan's own tendencies to spoil you, you would've kept your lips sealed.

Which was related in a way to why you never told Iruma which day you were born. You hadn't wanted the boy to give up more of his hard earned money on your behalf. Sharing his birthday had been a bit of a compromise in a way, so you both were able to celebrate each other while you could make sure he didn't use a lot of his meager funds on you.

"Both you and Iruma are completely selfless," he answered, squeezing you tighter. "To the point I really wish you two would have a bit more of a sense of self-preservation."

"So when exactly is your birthday?" You asked after a moment, making him chuckle at your poor attempt at changing the topic.

He squeezed you tighter, adjusting to nuzzle your neck gently; considering his mask was still in place. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

You laughed at that, leaning your head back and finally looking up at him. "I love you, Shichiro, but I know better than that."

A flash of surprise crossed his face and his grip tightened to the point of nearly taking your breath away. "...do you, really?"

You realized your slip. You had admitted to yourself - to others - your feelings, but never to him. And, well - for good reason from what you understood about demon culture.

But… screw it.

"Yes," You answered, twining your hands with his. "I really do love you."

His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, the look in his eye changing slightly. He guided you to turn in his arms so you were face to face, still holding you tight against him. "Demons, especially those who are courting," He continued, his voice threatening to become even huskier, "don't say those words freely, or lightly."

You had gleaned as much from the books you had read. Some said it freely to those they were crushing on, and during little flings. But once a demon entered courtship, the word became much more meaningful to their Intended. Not unlike the term 'Aishitemasu' in Japanese. 

And yes, you two had just started courting - and from what you read, the courting period could last several months to years - but there was no denying how you felt. He had come to mean so much to you, and you could easily imagine him being in every part of your life. Not just the romantic moments, but the mundane parts of life; like doing dishes, or chores (if Opera ever allowed that to happen again).

That was one of your ambitions. To have him by your side for the rest of your life if possible. To build a life with him. 

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down so you could face him eye to eye as you stood on your tiptoes. "I love you, Balam Shichiro. With all my heart. And I can't imagine being with anyone else but you."

Before you could blink, his hands cupped your backside and he lifted you up, your body pressed against his as you fought the urge to wrap your legs around his hips, knowing in your current dress that would be very inappropriate.

Shichiro's eyes were desperate in more than one way as he searched yours, undoubtedly using his bloodline ability to find a hint of a lie. "One more time?"

You couldn't help but smile before you cupped his face in your hands, meeting his dark eyes and holding his intense gaze. "I love you, Shichiro. And I'll say it as many times as you want me to."

If you weren't in a room full of students - as well as your father and Opera, (and you supposed Kalego as well) - you would have happily removed his mask to kiss him properly, but you knew he was self conscious of his scar and refrained. That, and you had a very good idea his self control was on the verge of slipping; as was yours, to be honest. One kiss would lead to more as it always seemed to tend to, and you knew you wouldn't want to stop.

"I love you too," He finally admitted as your words sunk in. "So, so much." There was a hint of desperation to his voice, which paired with the way his grip on you was more than just supporting you against his frame, but feeling the plush curve of your butt.

There was no denying the thoughts running through your head, or the yearning that filled your body. You bit your lip as your fingers as well as your gaze traveled down his neck, feeling the strong cords of muscle beneath. He wasn't wearing the collar of feathers, but instead a dark, high collared top that felt like velvet beneath your fingers.

It would be so easy to push it away and press your lips to the sensitive skin there and listen to him hold back a whimper and groan as you tortured him. The thought of reducing him to a whimpering mess always tempted you, making you bite your lip as your mind drifted into the gutter.

Shichiro said your name quietly, making it sound like a plea as you continued to rub the velvet cloth trying to feel his muscular shoulders beneath as you thought.

You met his gaze, which felt as hot and heavy as the feeling settling in your lower gut. You knew what you wanted to do - what you thought he wanted to do too - but were uncertain how to proceed. Or rather, hesitant to take that next step. Was it being too bold?

Screw it. Fortune favored the bold, right? Be ambitious. Be selfish. 

"Why…don't we slip away somewhere more private?" You asked hesitantly, your attempt to be quiet making you sound a bit more sultry than intended.

His grip tightened even more, and you felt a hint of something hard press against your stomach. Yet instead of eagerly agreeing or even just carrying you away, (as you may have thought about more than once in previous daydreams) he protested - but with obvious reluctance. "It's your Rite, and…"

"Is there an unwritten rule that I have to stay here when I'd rather be alone with you?" You asked. Because devi, your mind was fully in the gutter and the thought of trying to pretend you were totally not thinking such things while you tried to mingle with everyone else sounded like torture.

And not the pleasant kind you hoped waited for you in the near future.

"Well, no," He admitted after a moment, his brow furrowed in confusion. "But would you really rather sneak away with me than stay and celebrate?"

Devi, how could a demon be so pure? "One hundred percent yes," You replied firmly before boldly adding on: "To the point I don't care where we go, as long as it's somewhere private and we won't be disturbed." Because hell or heaven help you if you couldn't at least get him half-undressed so you could explore his body with both your hands and lips. It was taking every bit of your self control as it was, with those thoughts running in your mind while being braced against him, the growing firmness pressing against you left little doubt he was having similar thoughts.

There was a moment of silence as his gaze became distant and unfocused, his cheeks turning bright red."Shichiro…?" You called softly after the moment stretched on. He snapped out of his thoughts, though his cheeks stained red even more.

"I, uh, well, I-I have been wondering if you would like to, um, come to my home? I've been working on my nest…."

Oh. Oh. That was much more than finding a closet or unoccupied room. It was your turn to blush, your heart racing in anticipation as well as more than a little bit of anxiety.

You wanted to - you really wanted to - but you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. It had been such a long time - what felt like a lifetime to be honest - long before Iruma came into your life, since you had been with someone. And while kissing and petting had been second nature when it came to Shichiro….

Well, your daydreams hadn't quite prepared you for the real possibility.

Yet, again, you wanted to. And he was bound to be a more thoughtful lover than you had experienced before, demon or not. (Hell, he already was.)

After what felt like forever, you finally took the metaphorical step and nodded while biting your lip. "I-I would like that."

--+-- Su-Ki-Ma--+--

"They seriously don't think they're being subtle, right?" Soi sighed as he watched the two adults head towards the exit. Well, Balam walking somewhat stiffly with you cradled in his arms, your face red as a tomato but laughing.

Granted, his ability made disappearing easy, and also made it more noticeable when others tried to sneak off… but, still. That was about as obvious as anyone could be without making a loud announcement.

"Soi!" Leid jumped, startled by the demon's sudden presence. "You have got to stop doing that!"

"Are you talking about our two love bird teachers?" Elizabetta asked with a giggle, not as easily startled as their classmate. She also had noticed the pair, but was delighted by the turn of events. After all, their romance was something straight out of her own daydreams, making her hope even more that she would have a fairytale romance as well. "Aren't they adorable?"

"That's one word for it," Soi acknowledged, not as enamored with the situation as she was. "I might want to adjust my bet…"

"You and everyone else," Jazz agreed, summoned by the word 'bet'. He was already pulling out the notebook he was using to keep track of the massive pool going. "Lets see, are you wanting to change when you think their wedding day will be, or when Professor Balam will have mom knocked up?"

"Are you still taking bets?" Opera asked after overhearing the four students discuss their options. All four froze, glancing at the security demon and expecting a reaction much like Kalego's when he had found the betting during one of his lectures. (Granted, shortly after he had placed his own as well. He just didn't appreciate it being discussed during class.)

Instead, there was no anger behind Opera's placid expression, just simple curiosity.

"Er, yeah…." Jazz answered as Soi disappeared and both Elizabetta and Leid stepped away from the feline demon.

"Good. Both Lord Sullivan and myself would like to participate…"

[marley-manson]

My main takeaway of Fade Out, Fade In is that Hawkeye is extremely chill and secure lol. I feel like I've seen it used as an example of Hawkeye's egotism and I think that must be due to misremembering the episode because Hawkeye is constantly gracious wrt Charles as a surgeon. He's overjoyed that Charles knows the aneurysm operation they need to do and more than happy to let him do it, assist, and learn from him, asking questions and complimenting him. He's quick to give him the credit afterwards when Dr Berman wakes up as well.

When Charles finds a flood of patients too intense and doubts himself, Hawkeye reassures him by saying, "We're not any better than you, it's just that by sheer repetition we've gotten fast."

What Hawkeye takes issue with and makes fun of is Charles' superiority complex. He rolls his eyes when Charles pointedly insults him or anyone else, he mocks his haughty demeanour and upper class accent, calls him Chuck to annoy him, etc. This is all separate from his skill as a surgeon, which Hawkeye vocally admires, and all completely warranted because obviously Charles is an asshole lol.

The second takeaway of this episode is that I wish Potter was a villain. I'd forgotten this, but he's the one who arranges to keep Charles at the 4077 when otherwise Baldwin would've taken him back. Blah blah blah they need good surgeons and saving lives is important and someone's gotta do it blah blah blah, fact is Charles is well within his rights to hate Potter for this and I wish he did, and I wish we could be on his side about it properly, because I absolutely am on his side here.

Instead it's framed as something Charles deserves for being haughty, and a trial by fire to improve him. I would prefer to see it framed as a personal tragedy that engenders sympathy, perhaps planting the seed of comraderie between him and Hawk and BJ. Not a fan of framing being forced to work in a warzone as character building.

And now some miscellaneous thoughts:

-- Hawkeye clocks that Berman is jewish after hearing him speak one sentence (i assume, since hawk immediately jokes about him kibitzing), for the jewish hawkeye headcanoners

-- also love how overtly gay Berman is, I'm calling the "you doctors are all alike" joke as evidence of Berman clocking Hawkeye in return

-- "command me, o tall one with the presbyterian features" is such an amazing Klinger line

-- Hawk stealing Frank's boxers for himself

-- the scene with Margaret and Hawkeye and BJ is such an awful bait and switch lol, I go from 'aw they're friends!!' and loving Hawkeye when he tells her she doesn't have to tell them what's bothering her but she's clearly upset so she should sit and have a drink either way, to 'nooooo' when the (narratively endorsed) answer given to Margaret is she's too much of a flirty slut and it hurt Donald's feelings :(

-- Hawkeye being nice to Frank on the phone even when he's pissed at him and throws the phone immediately afterwards was cute honestly. Hawk speaking for both him and BJ was cute and married too ("we both think that's wonderful. we're proud to have known you")

-- BJ and Hawkeye both collaborated on the snake prank but Hawkeye's the one who gets a comeuppance >:( "Please, Mozart" is a fantastic final line though.

-- OH! the patient who didn't want to go back to the front because he doesn't want to kill anyone else! When he speaks to Mulcahy, Mulcahy starts off with his usual rote 'yeah it's scary go fight anyway' thing, and when dude corrects him about his reasons Mulcahy doesn't say anything, just stares off into the middle distance. And that's the end of that storyline.

Like man I would've liked to know what Mulcahy said to him lol, how Mulcahy squared that with himself. It's a fantastic counterpoint to his usual encouragement but I want more. Wish we could've repeated this premise in a Mulcahy-heavy episode.

[maybebecomingms]

seventy times seven, or something

January 17th, 2025

My 20-year high school reunion is coming up this summer, and an acquaintance from my class who is planning it has been reaching out to encourage me to go. (Well, after he gave up on getting ME to plan it, which I refused multiple times.)

He is planning it with someone who was one of my very best friends in high school. After what I now recognize was me setting hard boundaries, I "broke up" with her and my other high school BFF before the end of our first semester of college. I had tried to express concerns with our friendship, and it became clear that it wasn't healthy for anyone involved. So, I removed myself from the situation.

There was some talk of "I hope you two can figure it out" at this 20-year reunion, so I've decided I'm not going. I do not need someone else trying to set up a Disney channel moment on my behalf. I really don't.

I don't have bad feelings towards her. I don't feel bad or angry when I think back on the past. If I ran into her in the grocery store, it would be fine and vaguely pleasant. But I'm not interested in being friends again, and that's OK. I don't know where she stands, but I'm not concerned with that as it's none of my business.

I was listening to a podcast earlier today about forgiveness - and how forgiveness is releasing the other person and in turn, yourself from the anger, the resentment, the bitterness. That reconciliation is not necessarily the same thing as reunification. The evangelical church tells you to "forgive" by sweeping it under the rug and continuing status quo, but that's not what it really is at all. It's much bigger and more powerful than that.

I've been surprised by the feelings of sadness that have crept in as of recent. Feeling sad for my ex-husband - after all, all those years with me are years he's not getting back, either. I know my decision to leave was one that hurt deeply. I did the only thing there was left to do - I would have done no favors for either of us by continuing to stay. I'm just saying that I am not naive to the gravity of this decision - for both of us.

There's still much work to be done in terms of forgiveness, it seems - towards him as well as myself.

I don't remember when I forgave my ex-friend exactly. I don't remember when the anger and confusion and hurt lifted. It was more a matter of one day I just wasn't thinking about anymore. It didn't bother me. Thinking of her wasn't upsetting. It hasn't been that way for many years.

I can look back 20 years later and confidently say that it's fine. And thankfully, it didn't take 20 years to get here.

So maybe it won't take 20 years to get there again this time, either.

[mari2akary]

Don't Listen To Those Vampires (part 1).

One would think that to live in the city of Sanguinem it was enough to not contradict the vampires, at least that's what Y/N thought. But that specific day she learned the hard way that sometimes these people abused their power in the capital, how did that happen? The answer was simple, Y/N had tried to stay sane by expressing herself through a song about not losing herself.

"I don't understand why you act like we're the bad guys. You're just livestock, you better learn to recognize your place."

That's how one of the vampires reprimanded her, apparently for vampires any attempt by humans to express themselves was a reason to get upset with them.

It wasn't surprising at all for Y/N, but that didn't make the vampire's words hurt any less. To make matters worse, that night she was going to visit Ferid Bathory, simply great, now that noble would not only drink her blood but on top of everything he would see her more vulnerable than ever.

(time skip).

The visit wasn't much different than the other times, Ferid was patient with her, he laughed at what she said and after drinking some of her blood Ferid gave her a rather delicious dinner.

However, Y/N was still thinking about the harsh words of the vampire who scolded her in the city. For his bad or good luck, Ferid realized that something was bothering her.

"Is there something you want to share with the class, Y/N?"

Y/N laughed a little, even when she wasn't indulging him with fun, he managed to see fun in her.

"It's nothing serious, with your permission I'm going to leave early tonight."

Ferid got up from the sofa where they were both and followed her to the door without stopping smiling.

"I can't allow that, I can't send a guest home without making sure he's completely satisfied."

"I'm fine," Y/N lied to him.

"I'm sorry to differ on that, little lamb. But the held back tears give you away pretty well, better tell me what's wrong."

Y/N, despite being 13 years old, was a smart enough girl to know that this vampire's request was more of an order than a suggestion.

"Today I tried to express my displeasure by singing, but a vampire scolded me for it and said some pretty hurtful words." Y/N began to break down as she expressed what happened to her.

"I-- I already know that I am-- mere cattle to you-- there was no need for him to tell me."

"You seemed tense, I understand now. Don't listen to those comments, little one. You don't have to be submissive all the time, and you certainly don't have to be that way with me."

With those words Ferid moved to hug her, allowing the girl to vent while he rubbed her back trying to comfort her. He truly appreciated how genuine she was, as he hadn't found a human so funny since he turned Crowley into a vampire.

After a while his guest calmed down and stopped crying. To which Ferid asked. "Are you better?"

"I think so, a little at least."

Ferid laughed. "Y/N, if I have to tickle you until you're much better, you better believe me when I say I will."

"It's not the best time" Y/N told him.

But Ferid just looked at her with fun. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

In the blink of an eye Ferid guided her to the ground, placing her face down as he straddled her and proceeded to grab one of her ankles.

"no, please no" Y/N begged him.

Ferid didn't listen and started tickling her quite hard, making burst out laughing.

"Nahahaha Feheherid! hahaha plehehease!"

Ferid paused for a moment, just to tease her a little. "Come on, do you really care that much about a few harsh little words?"

"I don't know. On the one hand I don't care, but on the other it makes me question if I'm even a thinking being anymore."

At that Ferid gave him a playful smile. "Wrong answer, Y/N. Looks like I'll have to tickle under your toes now."

[bropunzeling]

fic author Never Have I Ever brady/quinn?

oh gosh do i want to write a fic for them so bad. i am a bit intimidated just bc i have mutuals who are Hughes Bros Scholars and i am not a scholar, merely auditing the classes as it were, but like. they're besties! they had to do a stupid odd couple video for the draft! the way quinn looked at brady at his wedding gets me!!!!!!!! and while i have some concepts that i am v seriously batting around (ballet quinn you are IN THE QUEUE) i also have some where idk if i will ever get to it, and one of the latter is the one where brady gets divorced.

the thing is, no one ever gets married expecting to get divorced, and brady certainly did not get married expecting to get divorced. two years ago, he would've said they were happy and he wouldn't have been lying; a year ago, he would've said they were happy and it would've been - not the truth, exactly, but not a lie, either. they were happy, most of the time. happy enough.

and then they weren't happy. these things happen, apparently. you can try your hardest, give 110%, and it still won't be what the other person needs. what they thought life would be like and what you did aren't lining up, can't line up. hard to stay married after that.

they finalize the paperwork during brady's bye week. when he signs on the line, brady can't help feeling like he's fallen short, somehow.

the sens do okay. make the playoffs, which has happened more frequently than it hasn't in the past four years; lose in the first round, which is - also pretty typical. brady hangs out with his siblings for a few weeks, hits the golf courses with dad, tries to keep his mind off his season.

mom sometimes mentions his ex in passing, but only when she thinks brady can't hear her. brady tries not to be too upset about it.

midway through the summer, brady goes to michigan. he didn't go to the lake that much when he was younger - always spending time with his family, and then with his girlfriend, and then it was his wife, and well - there wasn't time. but this summer, he's at loose ends, and he accepts quinn's invitation gratefully.

the best thing about it is quinn is the only one who isn't treating brady like he's different, like something happened. which, yes, a lot of things happened, but that doesn't mean brady wants to think about it. brady wants to try out jetskiing, brady wants to beat quinn and then jack and then trevor at beer pong. brady wants to help quinn buy groceries and put on a party. brady wants to do circuits and watch quinn's t-shirt cling to his back. brady wants to sit on the dock and talk about nothing, the way they used to all the time as teenagers.

about a week in, brady realizes that he doesn't just want to sit on the dock with quinn. he wants to put his hand on the small of quinn's back. he wants to rub a knuckle along the nape of quinn's neck, to see if quinn will flinch, or shiver. he wants to - does, not on purpose, but he does - reach out and tug at quinn's hair. longer now. it falls in his eyes. he wants to kiss quinn, and one night, he does.

for a millisecond, quinn kisses back, and it's up there for one of the best things that's ever happened to brady.

then quinn pulls back, eyes flat and revealing nothing. when brady tries again, quinn puts a hand between their chests. when brady asks why - quinn liked it, quinn wants it, he kissed back - quinn stares at the splintery wood of the dock and says, you don't get to just - decide you want to kiss me because you're sad, or you - you don't get to. not when i -

quinn doesn't say anything else, but he doesn't have to. brady knows, now. he can read it all over quinn's face.

[dragonfire2lm]

Baldur's Gate 3 headcanon/AU thingy: Acespec Tav

So, I'm still figuring out what my Tav OC is going to look like, what class she is (all I know is that she's going to be a charisma character), but I had the beginnings of an idea and wanted to share it. So, let me know what you think.

It was another quiet night in camp and Tav was doing her rounds, checking in on her friends, making sure they were comfortable, listening to their troubles.

But she had noticed the odd looks Lae'zel had been giving her, and concerned that perhaps she had upset the gith in some way, she asked about it.

To hear Lae'zel's interest in her was certainly flattering, but unwanted, and Tav did the best she could to explain that she wasn't attracted to women, nor interested in sex.

It was Lae'zel's response that had Tav bristling like a cat. Whether it was the harshness in which the words were spoken, or the words themselves, Tav recoiled.

She was reminded that she was different, lacking in such a base, universal experience that Lae'zel's reply to being rejected, more than likely snapped out in defense of her own emotions, hurt. And it pained her more than she thought.

"I am not interested in anyone!" Tav snapped back. "I cannot grasp, cannot fathom the very idea of looking at others and wishing to bed them, and I suppose I should thank you, my friend, for reminding that I am lacking in such wants."

It was perhaps too harsh, she knew, but as the others in the camp heard the commotion and headed over, all Tav could feel was a sense of inadequacy, of guilt.

She was different, and that pained her more than anything when her friends could express such wants and desires so freely, When Lae'zel looked confused by the notion that Tav just didn't feel attracted to anyone. And similar looks of confusion flitted across the faces of the others.

There would be questions, maybe even an attempt to brush her off, that had certainly happened with others in the past before she had been abducted. Tav did not want to face such scrutiny, such disbelief from those she cared for.

So, she excused herself and left for the far edges of camp.

She didn't notice that Astarion was not looking at her in confusion, but rather like a puzzle piece had fallen into place. She scurried off into the bushes.

Scratch had followed, the dog had sensed her distress and cuddled up to her as she sat on a rock. She waited for not only her own hurt to ease, but for enough time to pass so that she could sneak back to her bedroll once everyone else was asleep.

Imagine her surprise when Astarion found her in her hiding spot sometime later. She watched him, wary, and a little bit afraid. Not because he was a vampire, but because her biggest secret had been outed to the whole camp, her difference, her defect.

It was the first words out of his mouth that stopped that fear in its tracks.

"I've seen that reaction before," he said. "I don't quite get it myself mind you, but I have seen it before."

"Have you now?" She replied as she waited for the other shoe to drop.

The vampire picked his way through the dense brush and sat beside her on the rock. He didn't look put out that she clearly didn't believe him. In fact the vampire was practically respectful about it.

"I've met people in the past, who don't find anyone attractive, and it's not because they dislike my most charming self," He explained with a gesture to himself. "It's just how they are, and some wanted to have sex, others just weren't interested at all. Personally I don't see why the idea seems to be so hard to believe."

"Well," Tav began and found herself struggling with words for once. A rare thing indeed for the group's wordsmith. She sighed. "I suppose the night can't get any worse...People seem to mistake my kindness, my sincerity for flirting a lot of the time, and i have yet to find someone who would be interested in romance without sex. Too often others take offense when I turn them down..."

"And Lae'zel's rather sharp retort struck a nerve?" Astarion guessed and she nodded. "You know she's not the only one who's interested in you right? She's just the most blunt about it."

"And yet more friendships turned to dust." Tav lamented. "Why did i ever think otherwise?"

And here Astarion looked surprised. "Whatever do you mean by that? Do you really think that...the others would just leave you on the roadside because you don't reciprocate their feelings?"

"Would not be the first time, I assure you," She replied. She did notice his hesitation when he mentioned the rest of the group. "I wouldn't blame you, or them, if that was the case."

"Look," Astarion began, he looked frustrated, whether with her, Lae'zel, or something else entirely she couldn't tell. "I can't speak for the others, but I know damn well I am not going to simply cut ties with you because of this."

"We need to work together to get to the bottom of the tadpoles in our heads, and the cult of The Absolute, I know." Tav replied.

"Well, yes," Astarion agreed. "But you are missing quite the important point in that I genuinely enjoy your company, dare I say I consider a friend in the short time we've been travelling together."

"Oh...I didn't want to assume, you'd been through a lot as is, and I wanted to make sure you had space." Tav replied. "while I hope I can call everyone here a friend, I didn't want to push the idea on anyone. Can't please everyone after all."

"You're not getting rid of me any time soon," Astarion smirked. A thought occurred to him and he looked at her curiously. "Though after tonight, I do wonder, are you interested in romance at all? People like you tend to separate sex and romance and I for one woudl like to know where you stand on the topic."

He held his hands up placatingly and added. "If you want to share such thoughts that is, I find such talks interesting, but I won't pry."

"I take it you find them interesting because of how it differs from your experiences?" Tav asked.

"And I find that it makes a lot of sense when you think about it," Astarion replied. "People can certainly have sex without the need for romantic attachments, so romance without sex is more than possible. And I do so love the look of bafflement on people's faces when I point that out."

He grinned. "People get so shocked, scandalized even, about the mere concept of someone courting another without sex being on the table. It's hilarious."

Tav cracked a smile at that. Maybe she could trust him with this. Maybe, just once, she could trust she wouldn't be seen as some immature, naive waif in need of being fixed or shown a good time.

"I like romance," she explained as she ran a hand through Scratch's fur, the dog keeping an eye and ear out while the two of them talked. "I think its a beautiful concept, a wonderful idea that shouldn't need sex to be a part of it, that shouldn't result in friendships being seen as lesser, that is just one kind of love, not the ultimate expression of it."

"And..." Tav continued. "Ultimately not for me it seems. As much as I would want it for myself, I've never met anyone willing to give what I want a chance...and with this tadpole I doubt I'll have the chance to do so."

Astarion listened patiently, she was surprised he was even hearing her out. Normally she would be the one lending an ear to him, to anyone at camp who needed someone to confide in, or simply someone to talk to who wouldn't judge.

She was even more surprised when he asked. "And what do you want?"

"You'll think me childish," she replied.

"Darling, I've seen you bleat at a redcap and found it funny, I don't care if you're childish," Astarion pointed out. "In fact, I encourage it, life is a bit dull if you never have fun."

"Well alright," Tav said. "I don't fall i love with someone's appearance, I don't look at people and want to be their partner. But I fall in love with who someone is as a person, how much I trust him, how well we get along. It's just another layer of feelings on top of a friendship already as strong as adamantine...That hasn't really happened in a long time."

"So no interest in women, looks like Lae'zel was barking up the wrong tree," Astarion commented. "And falling for someone's, shall we say inner beauty, instead of the initial draw to their outward appearance is uncommon, but not unheard of."

"But not the accepted standard." Tav said plainly.

"As someone who experiences the accepted standard, trust me, it's a lot more of a hassle than people think it is," Astarion replied. "Anyway, do continue."

"You're actually interested in my ramblings on romance?" Tav asked.

"I did say I find it interesting," Astarion said. "And I sort of told Lae'zel to go fuck a gnoll earlier and I'm hiding until she calms down."

"Oh gods, you didn't!"

"I'd never seen you so upset!" he admitted. "Mind flayers, hags, goblins...vampire spawn...I'm certain you could stare The Dead Three in the face and not so much as flinch...but one of our own expressing interest in you and then lashing out when you reject them caused you to recoil like that...Well...Like I said, I'd seen that reaction before."

"And you told her to fuck a gnoll..." Tav couldn't help but let out a small snort of laughter. "How are you not dead?"

"I said something about showing you the same courtesy you've shown all of us and here I am." He replied with a flourish.

"Well, I suppose I should indulge your curiosity as thanks for having my back," Tav awkwardly said. "I've never really had anyone be in my corner about this...So, right, romance...what do you want to know?"

"From the sounds of it you'd be interested in a romantic relationship, what do you want out of one if you were to say, get to know someone andthey confessed their love to you?" Astarion asked. "Hypothetically speaking of course."

Was he up to something? She couldn't tell.

"This stays between us right?" Tav asked hesitantly.

And here Astarion scoffed. "If you think I'm trying to get intel to pass on to the others, the answer is no, I'm not. This is our little secret."

"Good, I've already made enough of a fool of myself today," Tav replied. "i suppose if I did wind up in a romantic relationship, We'd talk things out, set boundaries, make sure neither of us feel forced to do anything they don't want, have everyone on the same page...then I'd probably by the person flowers."

"Flowers?"

"I know, normally the men buy the women flowers, but it's still a sweet gesture that I think should be reciprocated," Tav replied. "along with going to dinner, or lunch, or just going and doing an activity as a couple, having fun in much the same way one would with friends, but with the knowledge and intent that is romantic in context."

"And I suppose living together and having children in somewhere in that domestic little fantasy of yours too?" Astarion quipped.

"If only I were so lucky, but yes. I'd adopt," Tav admitted. "Even before the tadpole I was never healthy enough to risk carrying a child, and never really thought about children of my own, money has always been a bit too tight for that, but if I had the money, the time, the freedom to do that...I'd like to take in an older kid, ones who tend to be ignored in favour of the little ones, you know?"

"You've never really spoken about your life prior to being abducted," Astarion noted. "But...that makes a lot of sense from what you have shared about yourself....and you care an awful lot about making sure we have enough money."

"I wasn't poor, if that's what you mean," Tav said. "But not upper class either, always had to plan ahead with how much money to spend, never had the freedom to really go on a spending spree or indulge myself."

"Hm, I'll have to see about changing that..." Astarion said. "Maybe slip a few coins off some unsuspecting folks to lighten the burden?"

"And I'll talk our way out of trouble if you get caught," Tav replied.

"If I get caught."

"You needn't go through the trouble on my account." Tav insisted. "We make do, don't we?"

"And I happen to think you should have the chance to splurge a bit, buy yourself something nice," Astarion replied. "When we reach a larger city, I'll take you shopping."

"Really?"

"Yes, you, me, a small mountain of coin, and everything the world has to offer, what do you say?" He said and nudged her palyfully.

"Sounds like fun, if we can get the gold to afford it."

"You just leave that to me," He replied. "Do you think we can wander back to camp without a certain Gith trying to cut our heads off?"

"I'll talk her down, you might have to apologize..."

"Darling, you and I both know I won't mean it."

"Yes but, thank you for sticking up for me." Tav said. "Hopefully i can smooth things over with everyone once I figure out who else is interested in me..."

"Well, I could tell you," Astarion pointed out. "But I think I'll watch you figure it out for yourself."

"It's everyone, isn't it?"

"There's no harm in asking them, you know." He said. "After that little row with Lae'zel I doubt you'll have to deal with anyone reacting as harshly as she did."

No harm in asking?

And so, Tav asked The Pale Elf what he thought of her.

[queenofadarkworld]

𝕂𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕜𝕚: 𝔻𝕖𝕒𝕣 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕖 - 𝔼𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 𝟛

Uh.. I mean.. Well.. It just.. It happened! 🤯

First things first: Episode 3 showed me EXACTLY why I'm never ever coming out of this rabbit hole ever again. That's it guys. I'm done. From now on I'm going to live right here with my little blond bunny right beside me. Anyone else want to move in? Yes? No? Maybe? Well no matter what you decide at the end - let us sit down first and talk about what just happened to us shall we? 😏

To be honest I was actually a bit surprised about the "amount" of flashbacks/daydreaming scenes. Seeing the fact that this was only episode 3 with 26 minutes screen time [after episode 1 with 26 minutes and episode 2 with 25 minutes] I don't think it was already necessary but it's ok for me cause it probably should've helped build up some emotions. Even though I would've picked the Bai Zong Yi and Fa Zherui thunder scene from episode 2 for it cause that was beyond sweet. 🥹

But I definitely won't complain cause episode 3 still delivered a lot of good stuff. After episode 2 already showed us that my little blond bunny sure knows how to torture people they seemingly wanted to top that. What can I say? Hell yeah they top it! 😳

Nothing weird to see here, everyone. Only a little blond bunny going a bit - uhm - crazy. Just a normal monday in the life of a gangster I assume. The way Chen Yi looked at him in total disbelief once he realized what he's about to do though had me laughing quite hard. I mean come on, Chen Yi. You wanted him by your side didn't you? Learn what your boy is willing to do for not just you but the whole gang.

Well and then out of a sudden that happened. 🥵

Oh.. My.. God..! WHO DO I HAVE TO THANK FOR THIS? I asked for more of my little blond bunny and I freaking got more bunny. Much much more bunny than I ever expected at this point. And as if him running around half naked [by the way: I NEED his bathrobe!] wouldn't already be enough to get a heart attack we also see a very good reason to like and follow Chen Yi. Well technically two reasons. I mean.. the tattoo on his spine? He has a freaking lion tattoo on his spine!! Lion father, lion son. Please! How cute and amazing at the same time is this? I totally get why my little blond bunny fell for him in the first place. He's in every single way beautiful. Oh! Talking about lions. Shout-out to Chen Yi's father who without a doubt had one of the best and funniest unexpected appearances I've ever seen. 🤣

Two scenes coming right up for you. Both scenes are simply incredible in their very own ways. Firstly we learn about bunny's class clown side and how easy it really is to provoke Chen Yi. Bunny sure knows which buttons he has to push doesn't he? 😏

Secondly we have Chen Yi and Bunny picking up Fa Zherui. Apparently his so called vacation at Bai Zong Yi's place has come to an end already. Why am I so annoyed because of that? Right at this moment when Fa Zherui realizes his true feelings towards Bai Zong Yi he just freaking leaves? Yeah so.. thanks for nothing brother. Definitely going with bunny's middle finger reaction here. 😮‍💨

Coming to the last scene of my own crazy perspective for episode 3. Well what can I say guys. This scene kinda broke my heart. Our cute Bai Zong Yi happily came home after he bought some strawberry cake for Fa Zherui to enjoy just to find his apartment empty. And then there's Fa Zherui's note saying: "Don't be too touched." DON'T BE TOO TOUCHED? Are you freaking kidding me? After everything including the kiss from episode 2 you really tell him to not be too touched about you just leaving him out of nowhere? Gosh you're such an idiot Fa Zherui. If you ask me, you just should've stayed in Bai Zong Yi's apartment and started a happy life with him. The situation couldn't have been any better for him though. No one knew exactly where Fa Zherui was hiding after the attack in episode 1 and the only contact he still had ongoing was with my little blond bunny. I'm pretty sure he would've understood the situation and kept his mouth shut for as long as possible. But you made a decision didn't you? 💔

And that's it everyone. My thoughts and feelings for episode 3. Holy darkness. There still happened quite a lot in this episode huh? We definitely got some little emotional ups and downs along the way which makes me want to have episode 4 like now. Right now! Heaven help me. Well.. I'm just going to stay here in my comfortable rabbit hole and watch the bathhouse scene over and over again until the new episode is out. Sounds like a good plan right? 🫣

What are your thoughts about episode 3 though? Any favorite scenes? What's your favorite character so far? I would like to know whatever you're willing to tell me. Please be my dear guest inside the rabbit hole. 🫶🏻❣️

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the asshole for giving someone 5 dollars instead of 10?

I know with these kinds of posts, it's almost expected for you to go on about everything that got you to this point and your entire goddam life story and what your childhood and parents were like and all that David Copperfield crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. In the first place, that stuff bores me, and all you really need to know about is what I'm going to tell you.

So, I (16M) go to this pretty uptight boarding school. I won't name it, but it's fairly well known. You've probably seen the ads for it, they're like in a thousand magazines, always of some hotshot looking guy on a horse jumping over a fence or some other bullcrap like that. You know, I'd never even seen a horse anywhere near the goddam place, but that's besides the point. Anyways, I pretty much flunked all of my classes except for English, so I got expelled. It's my fault; they gave me frequent warnings to start applying myself and all, but I just didn't. So they gave me the axe. Plenty of guys get the axe at this school. They have a pretty high academic rating, and I suppose they want to keep it that way. I didn't care that much, to be frank with you. The place is full of phonies. My only concern was that I couldn't go home on account of I hadn't told my parents about my expulsion yet, so I decided to stay in a hotel in New York by myself for a while.

At some point, this guy Maurice offered to send a prostitute over to my room and I said yes. I'm not really that sure why. I guess I was just pretty bored and all, and I didn't know what else to say. Once she got to my room, though, I just didn't feel up to it. She was about my age, which threw me off. I felt more depressed than sexy. I tried to make up an excuse about not being able to have sex on account of me still recovering from an operation on my clavichord, but she just thought I was weird. So I was real embarassed and disappointed in myself, but I still decided to give her the 5 dollars I owe even though we didn't do anything. Apparently, she said that the price was actually 10, which I don't think is right. She kept insisting on it, but I didn't want to pay the goddam 10 dollars, especially considering we didn't do a goddam thing except talk. Eventually she left the room all upset.

I feel a little guilty about the whole ordeal, but I don't think I was being unreasonable or anything. I have to stop writing now because someone is knocking on the door of my hotel room and I ought to answer it, but what do you guys think? Was I the asshole?