#which fucking sucks because i fucking hate my cloth binder

[maybeamiles]

can't wait to have top surgery so i don't have to worry about binding anymore this shit sucks

[spiralstereo]

Alrighty y'know what time it is heheh

TRR [Team Rainbow Rocket] Headcanons!!

[keep in mind this is just my AU you can have your own, this is just how I see these idiots]

[Also- yes I ship Lysandre & Cyrus, because I have my AU & my opinions, so don't like demonetize me saying some other ship is better stfu-]

-Giovanni-

Pansexual. Always been a little fruity, especially since he was a teen, & kinda crushes on Nanu- that's unrelated tho <3

Short as fuck. Like I mean this dude is 5 foot tall, whenever you see like photos of him with the rest of Team Rocket, he's usually standing on a fucking step-stool

Has rlly bad anxiety & shit like that, also takes antidepressants & medication because his mental health used to be rlly rlly bad [because of Ariana & just stressing out about managing Team Rocket] & he'll get like that bad if he goes long enough without them

Actually a decent father unlike his canon counterparts. Took care of Silver instead of putting him up for adoption after Ariana left, basically had to juggle trying not to be a deadbeat dad & managing a big mafia lmao. Silver turned out decent- he doesn't hate Giovanni so yippee!! [they actually get along whoa]

Absolutely fucking hates Professor Oak, due to some *personal* issues in the past.

Can cook rlly good. He actually wanted to get into culinary classes & shit but he got expelled out of highschool & then disowned so that was crushed along with his will to live

-Maxie-

Trans [FTM] Archie is rlly the only one who knows, because he's a nosy fucker lmao. Still has rlly bad body dysphoria- explaining all the layers & oversized jacket [didn't get top surgery because he's a chicken shit so he just wears a binder 24/7]

Not actually from Hoenn [surprise surprise!!]- originally from Orre but moved to Hoenn because it was transphobic as fuck & it genuinely just sucked lolz

One of the only sane ones in TRR, also actually smart [like he didn't wanna like dry up all the water he just wanted to make more islands in Hoenn- still a dangerous method haha]

Salty as fuck. Will find something annoying or unlikable about you, he doesn't care who the hell you are he will do it. Also, he fucking hates Archie- probably cuz he screws up his damn research & drags him along lmao

Overworks himself all the damn time, & has a bad habit of putting himself in uncomfortable situations- such as choosing his admins. Maybe he should've gotten to know Courtney & Tabitha more before making them the Team Magma admins [oki oki but Tabitha gives off the vibes that he streams League of Legends in a damn maid outfit every night. Also I don't like Courtney because she just gives off those creep vibes eugh]

-Archie-

Gay & polyamorous. All the surfer guys in Alola are NOT fucking safe because he's there lmao. Also him & Matt are exes, but since no hard feelings they're still friends

Aggressive wholesomeness 24/7- also THE ultimate extrovert who tries to be on good terms with everyone except if you're Ghetsis because if you're Ghetsis fuck you [he's an absolute sweetheart but also a dumbass]

Dumb as fuck. Half the shit he pulls he just did because he felt like it or he was bored- he doesn't have a goddamn reason he just fucking did it

His Sharpedo's name is Grace. This is very important because Grace is love Grace is life

Gives everyone stupid nicknames & makes horrible jokes & puns. Sometimes it's fucking unbearable because they're so damn cheesy & Maxie is yelling from across the room telling him to shut the fuck up but he thinks he's goddamn hilarious

-Cyrus-

Greysexual. Attracted to his opposite [sweet cute guys aka Lysandre]

He's emo guys!!! Omg real!!! If he's not wearing his Galactic uniform he's wearing oversized grunge style clothing- you will never see him wearing anything with colour. Also yes he wears eyeliner & people assume he wears eyeshadow but nah that's just his dark ass eyebags

He's a fucking empath & it's hilarious. He hates it because he tries so damn hard to ignore his emotions which only makes his already rapidly declining mental health worse

Horrible sleep schedule & just terrible at taking care of himself in general. He's running off of goddamn energy drinks & coffee- he won't sleep unless he passes out from exhaustion lmao. Also he only rlly eats like popcorn [which is usually like he's up at 2 in the morning watching a space documentary & he just binge eats it because he hasn't eaten in two weeks or something]

THE ultimate space nerd. If you even mention something space related he will give you a detailed explanation or description about said space thing- also he's got Team Galactic's base is all space themed & they have millions of dollars worth of stolen space tech lmao [autism moment yes Cyrus is autistic]

Has an engineering degree, also graduated highschool when he was 16 & got into college early. Moved out of his parents' house the second he had enough money

-Ghetsis-

Aroace. The most hardcore aroace guy out there. He has trouble with love & shit due to trauma, which also kinda makes it hard for him to admit that he does fucking care about N [he doesn't deserve N]

Do I really have to explain that this guy is fucking insane? Do I? [He's got actual BPD & he's narcissistic as hell but he's just gotten worse. Also autistic but that's not rlly- bad]

He looks like he'd be homophobic- but he's not. He just hates everyone. Also he's not like sexist or anything like that too

The most stylish & extra person you'll meet. He has a giant wardrobe & has all his clothes custom tailored- he has outfits for certain occasions & times, & he absolutely HAS to have the finest of jewelry & has to get himself all dolled up too. Bro is also feminine as hell sometimes. He knows he's fucking pretty

Has the most random talents & hobbies. I mean, he can swordfight- & also knows gardening?? Wha??? Also very musically talented- he plays 'elegant' instruments like the piano & harp

A goddamn drama queen. If his temper wasn't bad enough don't even get started on how damn overdramatic this asshole is. I swear Colress is so done with his shit

-Lysandre-

Asexual/Demiromantic. Attracted to everyone but preferably men, also will only be attracted to someone if he feels like he has an emotional bond with someone lol

Kinda on the dumber side. Also slow on things, like figuring out what he's actually doing. Genuinely a very sweet & kind person, also a bit of a crybaby but that's unimportant [undiagnosed ADHD]

He's a goddamn baker. He has a degree in business & finances or something- only because his parents made him. He's just an idiot lion baker man. That's also the only reason he took over Team Flare, the old leader kinda just appeared in an alley & told him he could have a bakery if he took up the offer lmaoo

Actually from another universe where he got shot by the Ultimate Weapon, but got swip swapped by Colress because why not!! Because it was a blast full of Xerneas's power [the whimsical deer fairy Pokemon of fucking life] he's immortal. He also can't get like injured- he'll just regenerate

He looks so goddamn intimidating- & he's oblivious to it. Half the time it's because he partially has a resting bitch face or he's squinting because he's kinda far-sighted. Whenever someone says something about it he just gets so fucking confused lmaoo

Thats all for now! I'll do a part 2 & maybe some extras for other characters like Colress- but yeah this is all for now lolzies

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Hi, today sucked, lemme tell you all the reasons it sucked in chronological order

I woke up at 1 am and read for a while. I did not get back to bed until 5 am.

I woke up approximately 15 minutes before I had to be out the door, so despite my planning to take a shower and wear a Victorian esc clothing today (for throwback Thursday, dumb school thing) I couldn't.

I didn't eat last night, so for the first time this semester I got breakfast from the cafeteria and it was not good.

We were practicing hand and arm massages in class for state board and wow, I fucking hated the smell, feeling and all around company of the lotion we were using.

I didn't charge my phone last night so I had my phone (and laptop) plugged in for my last two periods of school.

It was warm enough that I didn't need my jacket (a comfort item) so I took it off and put it over my backpack. It fell on the dirty bus floor while I was napping through the half hour bus ride.

My laptop wasn't plugged in properly so it was nearly dead when I got home.

Dad said we were going to the library to file my taxes. Okay, gotcha, I won't change into my home clothes, I'll just switch my binder out for a bra.

My sheets were dirty and I didn't want to lay in my gross bed with clean clothes on so I stripped my mattress and brought the sheets downstairs, where I find the washing machine on a self cleaning cycle. It was at 0, but I guess that's not done?

I notice that my little siblings who had lice for a couple days have put clothes in the laundry basket downstairs, which has my prom dress in it. Prom is on Saturday and I am literally too afraid to dig through their shit to find the dress.

I return to my room and work on chapter two of a story, but it's getting late and my dad hasn't called me out to the van yet.

I only learn my dad is home when he sends a picture of dinner to the gc. I leave my room to ask when we're doing taxes; he tells me he's eating and that I should eat too.

Twenty minutes later (like 7:50 pm at this point), we finally start my fucking taxes.

Very long annoying process, to learn that state taxes should not be filed through this site for me. It worked just fine for my sibling. I ask dad if we can do it tomorrow and he says taxes are due in four days. Whatever.

We go to a different site to file my state taxes where I try to register twice and it denies me both times for my laptop having a VPN. I do not control that; it's my school laptop and it didn't even process that's what the issue was for like 10 minutes.

Dad tells me to go to bed. He's tired. That's when I'm allowed to go to bed, when he's tired.

I return to my room and realise my sheets have never been put in the wash, and I can't sleep without a blanket. And for obvious reasons, I only trust that one blanket right now.

I shove it in the wash for a half hour load, but it doesn't fucking matter because my sister's shit is in the dryer at 45 minutes. She doesn't have an empty basket in the bathroom to put the dry stuff into should it finish and someone else needs to. Her shit is going on the floor in about 20 minutes.

I'm laying on my bed, very cold, just waiting for the fucking wash to be done so I can go to sleep. Except, I know it won't be because my sheets take like two hours to dry at high heat, which also means I won't have my comfort jacket for tomorrow.

I just want to go to sleep and can't because I'm stressing over the idea of going to school in not my comfort jacket.

Honorable mentions: My cosmetology textbook has really misleading information regarding synthetic wigs and its pissing me off. I was supposed to go to Walmart today so I could get breakfast for tomorrow. We had a test in English that gave me a lot of anxiety.

[theyanderespecialist]

Yandere Peter X Chubby Trans Male Reader (Headcanons/Scenarios)Man I love(YB) (Your Boyfriend)

[Hello My Sexy Muffins, I am here with a new chapter. In this chapter, it is another Yandere Peter With a Chubby Trans Male Reader. Let's do this!

(This Will have Both Traits and scenarios in this. WARNING SOME KINKY TALK IN THIS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Mature!

Disclaimer: Yes peter is yandere in canon and yes it is fine to simp for fictional Characters that are yandere. This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously. Just remember when simping for yandere characters to separate fiction from reality.)

Enjoy!]

-Yandere Headcanons With Peter X Chubby Trans Male Reader-

.He loves you as his man.

.He was still stalking you.

.He takes you on your first date with him and he gifts you a binder.

.You did not know how he knew your size.

.Being happy and overwhelmed by such a great gift.

.He even offers you his oversize hoodies and shirts.

.He loves seeing you in them.

.It makes him so happy he can make you feel comfortable but also have you in HIS Clothes.

.Like it is a way for him to Mark you that he owns you.

.He is always supportive of using he/him for you.

.Making you feel like the man.

.He is the type of yandere that would still want to breed you but knows if you tell him you don't want kids like that.

.He would respect it.

.Though he does do role play breeding.

.He would make love to you in the way that makes you the most comfortable.

.May that be him fucking you or you fucking him.

.He would also spoil the shit out of you

.Buy you a packa so you can feel like a real man.

.He loves also helping you feel like a real man~

.He will suck on your fake dick and one day your real dick. To show you just how much he can make you feel good~

.He would talk you into moving in with him.

.So that way you can say up for your surgeries and T.

.He even pays for it when you need a little help.

.He adores you no matter what gender you are. This is canon that he just loves you for you.

.He would be the most supportive and would always be there.

.Though this whole time he has been underhandedly buying your love.

.He may be unaware of it.

.Though all the things he has done for you have been for you to love him.

.Yes he did it because he loved you. But also so you would love him.

.He also is still a yandere so he will manipulate you into thinking your friend and family do not love you.

.That they use your dead name and that they hate you.

.He plays on those insecurities you have making you only turn to him when you need someone.

.And he would not have it any other way.

.He loves how you are a bit more cubby as well.

.He would be a feeder-type yandere.

.In which he loves to feed you, cook for you, and love to see you enjoy the food.

.It is another way for him to take care of you and make you happy.

.Of course, there will be healthy options.

.He may love your love handles but he wants you to be healthy too.

.He loves kissing and biting those sweet chubs you have.

.Leaving hickeys all over them.

.Not to mention when he grinds up against you, you are so soft and squishy it makes for the best humping.

.And all that cushion for the pushing and the man boobs. If you are comfy with him touching them.

.He just loves you as you are and will love you as the man you are always meant to be. You are his Darling no matter your size or gender.

-Now onto The Scenario-

(No One's POV)

You stood in the park, waiting for your picnic with Peter. You were really nervous. You did not want to make a fool of yourself. This was your first date. You play with your hands and stretch your hoodie even more. This was a bad idea. What if he is grossed out? What if he is angry? You were in guy mode when you met him.

"Hey, handsome." You hear him say and turn around to see him he had a picnic basket, blanket, and a gift bag?

You were confused and helped him set up the picnic. He then pulled you close and soon you were on his lap.

You blushed darkly heart racing. He bites on your ear and licks it. You both shudder. "I got you a present my handsome boy~"

He places it in your hands and is rubbing your hips you blush as you think you must be heavy. "I can get off. I am kind of heavy," you say playing with the gift bag.

"Oh shoosh~ I am more than strong enough to carry you like the prince you are~ Besides I really like how you feel against me~ So soft~"

(peter do not make me hose you down XD)

you nod your head blushing even more. If he keeps touching you like that. your body may betray you.

"Go ahead open it. You are going to love it." He tells you

you open the gift bag up and nearly cried. It was a binder and it was in your size. you could not even fathom words. Why, why would he? you start to tear up and he pulls me in a hug.

"Shhhh you are okay ."  He says and you pull away wiping at your happy tears.

"How did you know?" you ask him.

"I Know you (Your Name). I want you to be the man you are always meant to be. The man I love." He says.

You are too happy to realize he said you I love you. On a first date.

The date went great. He insists on feeding you while you sit on his lap. You were too grateful to deny him. The food he made was also really good.

You did however notice his erection pressed into your stomach and the way Peter looked at you with Lust and love. It made you feel loved and hot.

Best date ever.

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter done, I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy all of my sexy muffins and all of my sexy muffin men!]

[legaciezzz]

Boy Problems

Hope x Male Reader

Genre: Chapter Fic

Request: Hi, uh so I'm new to the legacies fandom so if this request sucks.. Sorry. Could you do one where the readers a human and mystic falls high. Hopes upset that landon moving on and is lonely, the readers also sad becuase he just got dumped, so they become fuck buddies but fall for each other. When everyone remembers hope, landon tries to win hope back but she's already fallen in love with the reader and picks him over landon. Uh if you Could write smut please.. If you're comfortable that is

A/N: Welcome to the fandom! Don't worry the request is just fine!

Song: Imported by Jesse Reyez ft. 6lack

You sighed before stepping out of your car. It had been two weeks since your ex dumped, just as things seemed to be getting serious, so now you've been spending nights like these alone lately. You got out and started to walk across town square, as you made you way to the grill you noticed a girl on one of the benches, but the closer you got you could hear some crying.

"Hey."

Hope glanced up at you then quickly looked away to wipe her tears. "Hey."

"You okay?" you said.

"Yeah. Just boy problems."

"I feel that-- I mean girl problems, not boy problems." You stammered as you tried to correct yourself, which made her huff a laugh. "I'm Y/N, by the way."

"Hope."

"Hey, you know what helps with boy problems? Stuffing your face with food. I'm actually heading to the grill if you want, must be pretty chilly out here."

She looked up at you and flashed a soft smile. "I'm fine."

You nodded before heading off inside but later came back with a to go bag and a milkshake.

"Mind if I sit here?" you asked.

Hope didn't expect to see you as she looked up over her shoulder again.

"I know what you said, but misery loves company, right?"

"Thanks." she said, sliding over.

You sat down, laying the food out between you two. "I don't know what you like, so I just got you a burger and fries."

"That's alright."

“You want to talk about it? The boy problems?”

“You know, I’ve kind of spilled my guts to a stranger already.”

“Well I bet that stranger didn’t get you any comfort food.” you said,  popping a french fry  in you mouth.

“Actually, he did give me a peanut butter blast.”

“Peanut butter blast, really? I’ve always kind of thought was overrated.”

Hope raised her eyebrows with a light smile. “Oh really? And what’s your shake of choice?”

“Strawberry. And you know what’s even better than that?”  You took the lid off your milkshake and dipped another one of your fries in it. 

“What are you doing?” she laughed.

“What? It’s good, it’s the perfect combination of sweet and salty. Come on, don’t hate on it until you’ve tried it.”

She shook her head. “No way.”

“Fine, but you’re missing out.” you said, eating it.

The two sat on the bench and talked while you ate. You asked her if she was new in town so you gave a run down  of the workings of Mystic Falls and Hope nodded along to all the things she already knew and then you both got into your relationship problems. Then eventually it got late and was time to go home.

“You need a ride home?”

“No, it’s fine. You’ve already done enough, it’s all good.”

“You sure? It’s really not a problem.”

“I’m sure. I, uh,  live close to to here actually.”

“Alright then. “ you said getting up, and patting your pockets for that pencil you forgot to put in your binder. “Well I’m just going to leave my number here on this napkin and if you need a friend or anything, feel free to hit me up.”

. . .

You got home after the big fight with the stallions and was patching yourself up when Hope sent you a text asking if you were free to hang out.

"Hey. Come in."

"Hey. Your parents home?" she asked as she stepped inside, making sure she wasn't interrupting anything.

"No. My mom's working late and my dad's out with some friends, we're good." you assured her before closing the door behind her.

You made your way back to the couch to make another attempt at bandaging your hand and that's when Hope saw it along with the shiner on your temple.

"What happened?" she asked, sparked with concern.

"You did hear? There was this huge brawl between the Timberwolves and the Stallions after the game. Again apparently."

"Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, don't worry it could've been worse. Like this one guy, Aaron: broken nose."

You continued to wrap your hand until Hope intervened, taking a seat next to you. "Here. Let me help you with that." she said, seeing as you were doing it wrong.

You watched her, she was gentle and you noticed how soft her hands were. You then looked up at her and just stared for a moment.

"What?" Hope asked, catching you after she was done.

"Nothing." you said, but still somehow you couldn't take your eyes off her. She was just so pretty. You just kept staring into those blue eyes of hers, then you noticed your gaze slipping down to her lips.

To your surprise, she leaned in first for the kiss. You kissed once before pulling back, then you both dove back in. She grabbed your neck and pulled you closer while your went up her thigh. Eventually, you found yourself on top of her, your hand gliding up to her breast.

You could feel yourself growing hard as things progressed, and so could she. She broke away from you. "You have any--"

"In my room."

You two got up from the couch and went to your room where you started to strip each other of your clothes, kicking the door shut behind you.

As soon as your underwear fell to the floor she immediately pushed you onto bed, crawling in your lap. You could feel your cock getting even stiffer from her hips rocking back and forth.

You reached over into your desk drawer beside your bed and took out a condom. Hope lifted her hips up so you could slip the rubber on. She lowered herself onto you. Moans fell from both of your lips as she adjusted to your size.

She wrapped her arms around you as she began to ride you, her pace starting slow. she let out a moan which was muffled by your lips. She held on tight as you rocked your body. You felt your lips move along her jaw as your hands grabbed her ass.

"Fuck.." she groaned as you nipped at her ear.

You moved down, biting gently down on her collarbone and leaving a mark. Hope bit her lip as she started to ride harder.  You felt your lips move along her bare chest as you moved downward. You used your bandaged hand to knead her breast . As you did so Hope arched her back, moaning as you teased her. 

"Ah..yeah..." You moved your lips to her nipple, sucking on it and making her gasp.

You stopped her  a second then flipped her over onto the bed, as you did so you lost your balance and fell on top of her. You both laughed as you propped yourself back up.

“Sorry, that usually goes better.” you said.

Hope giggled as she kissed you. She pressed your body up against hers as you slid back into her. You started to thrust your hips and eventually you found your way back to the pace you guys were once at before as you felt her legs wrap around your waist.

"Mmmm.." you moaned.

"Oh fuck.." Hope whined.

You quickened your pace and a few moments later you could feel yourself coming closer to your climax.  You could also tell she was coming as her body convulsed and she dug her nails into your back. You gently ran your fingertips over her clit.

"I'm gonna..." she said in a long-winded whine as you felt her tighten around you.

You guys came and rode out your highs together. You collapsed besides her. “Wow..”

“Yeah...” Once you guys caught your breath, she got up and slipped on your shirt. “I should get cleaned up.” 

“For sure,” you said, sitting up. “It’s the second door on the right.”

She left and you took of your condom and threw it away, using a tissue to clean off the excess on you. You then crashed back on to the bed and when Hope got back, you were already passed out. 

The next morning, the both of you tangled amongst the sheets, you were woken up by a loud knock at your door. "Y/N, get up. You're gonna be late for school." you heard your father say.

You swore under your breath as you glanced over to Hope who looked just as startled as you. "I'm up." you called out.

"I'm off to work. And your mom's asleep so don't wake her up."

"Alright, see ya."

You waited for your father to leave before you and Hope started to scramble for your clothes and slip them on.

As you guys made you way to the door, you paused when you caught a glance of the kitchen. "Shit. Hey, I'll buy you breakfast on our way to school."

"it's fine, you don'––"

"You serious? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Don't worry about it." you smiled, holding the door for her.

You pulled up to the school after making a pitstop for some coffee and whatnot. You sat awkwardly quiet for a second before Hope opened the door.

"Thanks." Hope said.

"Yeah, no problem.. I had a good time last night."

"Me too... Anyways I should probably get going." She opened the door and step, grabbing her coffee, then Maya ran into her.

"Y/N, I didn't know you knew Hope." Maya greeted.

"Just giving the her a ride, that's all." you replied, flashing a friendly smile.

"And a coffee? I should let you drive me around too." she joked.

"Alright, I better find a place to park. See you guys around."

While you drove off, Maya teased Hope about you as they walked together, but Hope wasn't really one to kiss and tell.

You guys still saw each other around school, but the next time you hooked up was at a house party Maya convinced Hope to going to. You had caught her sitting on a couch as everyone else mingled. You managed to get her to loosen up and dance with you then when one thing led to another, you two ended up hook up in the bathroom.

After that you and Hope found yourselves hooking up even more, mostly when you were feeling lonely. Then because it felt good and you had grown really fond of each other. As your 'relationship' progressed, you started hooking up not just outside of school, like texting each other during class to make out under the bleachers. Soon people started notice how much you two hung out, the hickeys on your neck and how Hope sometimes wore your letterman's jacket.

There was a fine line between whether you and Hope were dating or just something casual. You agreed on labelling yourselves as friends, even though at this point you knew there was a real connection forming, but you were okay with that or at least you thought you were. There would be days where she would run off with no explanation and when she returned she suddenly started act strange around you.

"I don't know, Man, she just seems weird all the time lately. You think it's her ex?" you said to Ethan as you helped set up for the Commonwealth Day festival.

"Have you thought of talking to her, maybe?" He replied.

"Come on, no one wants to be that guy."

"Do you like her?"

"I don't know. Things are just better when she's around and I don't want anything screw it up."

"Then I think you know what you should do. Anyways, we should get to practice."

As you guys left for practice, you looked around for Hope only to find that she disappeared somewhere. This was becoming very like her now.

You kept thinking about Hope throughout the day and what you might say. You tried texting her a couple times here and there, but she didn't answer.

After you when done with you were done with your plans for the day, you went to the festival where saw Hope at one of the tables.

"Hope?" you said, taking a seat by her.

"Y/N. Hey." she said a bit solemnly.

"Where have you been all day? I tried texting you."

"Sorry. Something came up with some old friends."

"Yeah, that seems to be happening a lot lately." You sighed. "Hey, I need to ask you something."

She looked at you and just at you were about to open your mouth, you were interrupted.

"Hope?"

You both turned your heads to see a curly haired boy.

"Landon."

[incorrect-mha-bnha]

Trans Bakugou HC????

His first genuine smile happened after waking up from top surgery to see himself finally weightless after years of drowning. No one would ever forget how bright and alive he seemed as tears fell down his face in the hospital. Kirishima could have sworn to hearing a laugh slip through at one point, but of course that was denied.

Bakugou designed his hero suit to be a cross tank because he assumed his top surgery would have been done by then but sadly, kidnapping and hero bs got in the way. Now he has to wear sports bras under it until the appointment can be booked. Leaving him pissed and just slightly dysphoric out and about which helps aid his sour mood while training.

My poor boy Bakugou has D cups. Pray for him😔...No, but for real. The size of his unfortunate lumps caused a lot of dysphoria while wearing his hero suit. (Going back to the previous bullet) Because of their size, it was a lot harder to bind to satisfactory which led to a lot of methods being used until he just said fuck it and started weight lifting. (For those who don’t know, weight lifting turns breast tissue into muscle and some other cool pectoral shit. I know this because my Ma is a personal trainer.) It shrunk him down a few sizes while building muscle, giving the illusion of pecs so wearing a sports bra was bearable.

Bakugou went through many phases of figuring out who he wanted to be (that’s obvious but I’m not talking about gender wise) in terms of style and personality. He tried different types of styles until one stuck, now he looks like a gremlin in baggy clothes (on occasions). He also went through a makeup phase to try and darken his features.

When Bakugou is really dysphoric, he hunches over and grumbles a lot. Everyone usually stays away, discounting Midoriya and Kirishima. Them being the bravest and brightest always gang up on Bakugou to help bring his spirits and confidence up. Even let him get the anger out with a rough spar.

Bakugou changes in the bathroom of the locker room to avoid invasive eyes (Mineta) or is released 5 minutes early by his teachers to get a head start.

During his pre-top surgery days, Bakugou would wear a baggy shirt into the pool But practically avoided it altogether. The first person to really get him comfortable enough to uncross his arms in the pool, given that they somehow coaxed him in, was Kirishima.

Bakugou was never self conscious about his height, being visited by the height fairy during puberty but his hips and chest? Count them as life ruiners. Baby had so many dysphoria episodes in front of the mirror that he turned into an angry introvert.

T does a lot of shit to your body, one of those being heightening your aggression levels. If Bakugou was already slightly aggressive to begin with, his pleasancey took a nose dive after starting T.

Sigh, back on my KiriBaku bs but anyway. THE FIRST PERSON TO EVER CALL BAKUGOU MANLY WAS KIRISHIMA. AND THAT SHIT HIT DIFFERENTLY.

Uhmmm pro hero Bakuhou starting a fundraiser for trans kids and adults who are homeless, jobless (Aka struggling), in need of support or looking for others like them, searching for clarity, even protection. Bakugou is like the trans Jesus, that is all.

He literally hates what he feels like when someone points out that his mother and him look alike. Yeah, he fucking gets it but is there a need to point it out? Damn.

COMMITS himself to doing regular vocal excersises to lower his voice, even with T. His usual gruff tone is to mask the voice cracks he gets on the hormones, because that would be embarrassing.

When Bakugou got the call that he was going to get top surgery, he literally blew his phone up with so much excitment then burst into tears.

Showers suck- nuff said.

Midoriya was the first person to ever know about Bakugou being trans. So, he started bullying Midoriya into silence but soon realized the boy wouldn’t have uttered a word anyway and simply wanted to help and be there for him. Of course, Bakugou, being young and new to the life change, wanted everyone who had once known him as a girl to be gone. That meant he would try and remove Midoriya from his life for good but the green boy just kept on bouncing back. Imagine his surprise to know the one person with his secret would be attending high school with him. Shit got flipped.

All of the girls carry extra supplies for emergencies. Bakugou does too but sometimes a p*riod (I bleep because it can be a sensitive topic) just pops out of nowhere. It gets him frustrated and embarrassed whenever he isn’t prepared but the girls somehow always know the right timing to whisk him off to help or stealthily stuff some things into his pocket as they cross paths. It’s like a cartel of drugs but the girls are being true friends with pads in the end. Kirishima even got on the bandwagon and started carrying supplies for whoever may need it.

Bakugou refused to wear tampons, shit was a no go.

In the beginning, Bakugou would frequently steal one of the girl’s heating pads whenever the pain got unbearable. They hardly minded but Momo gifted him one as a present. He uses it all the time.

After he came out and became comfortable, Bakugou would joke about donating his lumps to the girls that bitched about being small chested. (We are looking at you Jirou). “Free unfortunate lumps for sale! I don’t want them, take the damn things!”, “Hey! Give me your chest, switch with me!”

Bakugou is a night dweller for many reasons. 1.) Time to not bind and give himself a break while doing stretches. 2.) snacks are Free real estate 3.) It’s easier to not bind while everyone isn’t there to witness him walking to relieve tension.

Bakugou once heard that frequent conception of coffee leads to a decrease in breast size by 0.3 cups. Bakugou ended up consuming so much that he stayed up for a total of 72 hours, almost overdosed, couldn’t sit still, finished everyone’s homework plus his own, deep cleaned the entire dorm and trained until he crashed. Now, he hates the taste of it but swears that his little shits shrunk a whole cup.

Imma say this loudly because it’s my favorite hc mostly because it’s what I do. BAKUGOU HATES WEARING LIGHT COLORS, THE BIGGEST FUCK NO GOS OUT TO WHITE SHIRTS. HE PREFERS TO WEAR DARK COLORS BECAUSE HIS BINDER IS BLACK. THE ONLY REASON HE WEARS HIS UNFORM, BEGRUDGINGLY, IS BECAUSE THE MATERIAL ISNT SEE THROUGH AND IT IS ALSO CRUMPLY. AKA, EASILY COVERS HIM UP BY GOING A SIZE UP.

His waist in snatched thanks to those bitch ass hips.

His first post surgery outfit was a very thin material white shirt because fuck yeah, get a view of his binder less chest under there!

Bakugou wears headphones while going about in public for a few reasons. 1.) He doesn’t like interacting with people and the headphones usually wards them off from bothering him. 2.) Loud music in his ears tends to tune out people misgendering him and transphobes being chucklefucks.

Bakugou got his respect to be called a guy from his family by blatantly ignoring anyone who called him by his deadman and/or used the wrong pronouns. “Bitch, suddenly I can’t hear. I don’t know who you think you are calling.”

Bakugou is very proud of any hair that grows on his body. (Sigh, take that how you wish). Literally prances around the UA grounds showing off even the tineiest hint of a beard, and raves over his growing leg hair.

Bakugou’s favorite movie is Mulan, fight me on that.

Bakugou’s life zeal is Be Trans Throw Hands

More to be added

Part 2

Part 3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #475

(from two days ago, oops)

What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) I really like a steady rain tapping on the windows. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No, because I'm ugly. It's annoying because I've been wanting to take pics with Girt considering even as just friends literally none exist of us, but yeah. I fucking hate taking pictures of myself and it takes a billion and two tries to get a picture I deem "acceptable" anyway. Were you named after anyone? No. What was the last comic book you read? I don't and never have read comic books. What is your heritage? German, Irish, and Polish. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. All things considered, somehow my former best friend was the worst. She was homophobic, racist, extremely self-centered, drama-driven, excessively bossy, ungrateful... I will never be able to explain how our friendship ever worked. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Burn it. With certainty. We just aren't meant to live forever. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? 99% of my life has been Cringe. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? Be distracted/not pay attention to the other, like by constantly using their phone. It's so rude. That would immediately make me lose interest in you. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? I dunno. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? I was absolutely going to college as a kid. Fast-forward to the future, I've dropped out three times and am going nowhere. Little me saw me as so, so much more successful. Do you actually iron your clothes? No. Unless it's a formal occasion. Do you rent or own your current home? We rent. Have you ever used cursive after school, aside from your signature? My handwriting is naturally mostly cursive. Do you have your groceries delivered or do you buy them yourself? We order our groceries for pick-up, so we have to go to the store, but not in. Do you have a gym membership? Sigh. I do, but Mom and I have really been neglecting going since my time with my personal trainer ran out... What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror, of course. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? I am. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? I don't know. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? EW no, that shit grosses me out so much. If someone’s laughing, do you instantly think they’re laughing at you? Suuuure do. How would you react if your parents told you they were having another baby? Well, they're divorced, Mom cannot stand my dad, and she also had a complete hysterectomy when she had ovarian cancer, so like... Have you ever had a garage or yard sale before? How much did you make? Over the course of my life, we've had a few yard sales. I don't remember how much we made at any. Have you ever had to evacuate your home for any reason? No. Which mythological creature is your favorite? DRAGONS. I love dragons. Have you ever been to a butterfly garden before? No, but that sounds amazing. What's the biggest bird you've ever seen up close? Oh my god y'all, when I volunteered once at a wildlife rehab center, I was FEET away from some sort of falcon. Guys, you would not believe JUST how big birds of prey are. I was shocked and in total awe. Have you ever seen a double rainbow before? More than once. Were you ever afraid of the dark as a child? I don't THINK I was? What is the strangest thing you’ve been asked? Something inappropriate that really pissed me off. What was your favorite game as a child? I was obsessed with the original Spryo trilogy and would play all three obsessively. What is the darkest thing you have seen on the internet? I don't know, dark shit. Do you crack your knuckles, neck or toes constantly? No, but ugh Girt does that with his neck and it drives me insane alsdkjfaljdlfkwe. Are you constantly catching colds or other sicknesses? No, my immune system is a legend. Are you afraid of mice? No, they're precious. What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I go on vacations so irregularly that I can't really answer this. I've been on a vacation maybe twice in my entire life. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? I don't like musicals. Will you willingly sing in front of other people besides your family? God no. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? No. I don't like soup. Who can never fail to make you laugh? Absolutely my boyfriend. He's the funniest person I know. Have you ever been on a tour bus? No. Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers? Earplugs. Are you listening to music right now? No; I'm watching Gab play The Evil Within. Have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? Just one of them, but we were together at the time. What are you planning on eating for dinner tonight if you haven’t already? Mom made pizza. What was the worst news you’ve heard this entire week? Girt's mother has Covid. He's vaccinated, but nevertheless, he's still getting a test done just to be safe, and also because if he's contracted it, I might have it. And that means my mother could get it, which just cannot happen, even if she's vaccinated, too. The poor guy is really freaking out about it, but ASTONISHINGLY, I'm not panicking yet. Girt's health has seemed fine, I'm fine, so... We'll just have to wait to see what his test says. Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? No; yes. I hate living in the suburbs, it sucks here. Would you say either one of your parents are 'pack-rats?' No. Have you ever disowned anyone in your family? For what reasons? No. Has anyone ever called you a sociopath before? No. Do you have freckles? Do you like/dislike them? Not on my face, no. I have a few randomly on my body though. Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No. Have you downloaded extra fonts for your computer? Oh, plenty. Who is the latest great YouTuber you’ve discovered? The latest, uhhhh. I'd probably say John Wolfe as a truly "great" one considering I watch him regularly now. Do you read the Bible regularly? Yeah, no. All the Bible does is piss me off, frankly. Name three patriotic songs you like. I don't know about three, but I do shockingly like this one country song with a name I can't remember. All I know is it has "red, white, and blue" in the title. ... I think. Oh! There's "Deutschland" by Rammstein, even though it's not about my own country. Has it ever snowed on your birthday? Maybe at some point as a kid? Idr. Do you like the way your name is spelled? No, actually. I wish it was "Brittney." It's more true to the pronunciation. Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest, and while I really shouldn't care, like believe what you want, it's a genuine pet peeve of mine when others base their fucking lives around what positions some goddamn stars are in in an infinite universe. They make decisions based on bullshit being spat at them that might not be suitable. I know, it's stupid to care, but I can never seem to NOT roll my eyes when I see/hear people blaming their flaws and shit on this stuff. Are you one of those people who has like a hundred apps on their phone? No; I have very few. What’s the band that you love even though you know they’re awful? I can't help but love some Blood on the Dance Floor songs. :x Do you coo over other people’s babies? No, not really. Like I can acknowledge a cute picture and be like "awww," but it's nothing I lose my mind over at all. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? The only high school friend of mine I'm still actively friends with/is still in my life is Girt, obviously. Like I have HS friends on Facebook that I still very much love and will react to what they post and sometimes comment, but we don't really talk-talk. Do you dye your hair regularly? No. :/ That's not something I can afford to do. Do you have an alter ego? Describe them: No. Do you know both of your biological parents? Which one do you prefer? I do, and I love them both. Do you store a lot of pictures you’ve taken that no one else has seen? I'm a wanna-be photographer, of course I do. If you had to name your kid after an American state, which would you choose? Probably "Dakota" for either gender. What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) We have your normal dryer. Do you ever play the built-in games on your computer? Which ones? Nah. Do/did you doodle on your books at school? My notebooks and binders, ohhhh yes. Actual school textbooks, absolutely not. Who’d you last see in a tux? The groom and groomsmen of the last wedding I shot. Who’s the bravest person you know? Sara. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? No.

[v0mitratb0y]

Ok so I finally wanna talk about safe binding, partly because I recently saw a lot glorification of unsafe binding and people are acting like them binding not safely makes them more valid "because it shows how much dysphoria they have and everyone who doesn't is a trender", because I have friends friends who don't take care of themself at all, which really worries me, and also because I myself have experiences with unsafe binding and feel like many people who bind aren't really educated about this. And now I wanna talk about this shit. Because it sucks and I hate it.

The first time I was binding or rather tried to, I did after I saw a trans guy in a scripted reality show who was binding with ace bandages. This was before I even really realized I was trans. But I started searching for bandages we had in our house. (Happily) it weren't ace bandages, but it still fucking hurt and I couldn't move or breath right. But I didn't know that it was unhealthy or that there are better ways to bind, so I didn't care.

I also tried out binding with KT tape after being in a whatsapp group for trans guys, where a lot of them were using it. It wasn't good at all. The tape were feeling off, sticked on my clothes, it really hurt to take it off, I was bleeding sometimes, my chest was completely numb but also ichy afterwards, and I had red stripes on my skin from it. Horrible tbh. (Edit: this is my personal experience. A lot of people have experiences like this too, but of course it works different for everyone and I think it also plays a role what KT tape you use. Yeah the transTape might not be bad, idk, but not everyone can afford it because it's kinda expensive. I only wanna tell you what CAN happen.)

In the late spring of 2017 I started binding with a low quality binder from amazon. I didn't have any idea of what's healthy and what's not. I was wearing my binder 24/7, even when sleeping or training without any pauses. I literally couldn't breath anymore. When I took it off, my chest was numb but it also really hurted.

When I finally got a gc2b binder, I also started binding a little bit more safely because I realized I didn't at all before. Thank god for this card gc2b sent with the binder.

(Sorry for the paint on it)

i am still binding way too long and I know it's not healthy tho. I also know a lot of people who bind in very unsafe ways. A friend of me binds with two binders at once and sleeps in them and doesn't listen when I try to tell him that he should stop. Another guy FUCKING STOLE a binder from me which is way to small for him, but he doesn't care. It's really unbelievable what some people do to try to lessen their dysphoria. Stealing isn't okay.

Anyways, why am I telling you this? I wanna show you what single binding methods can cause.

binding with ace bandages (DON'T EVER)

You can't breath

Your ribs can break or bruise

which can puncture your lungs!

You can't move

It can tear muscles

Binding with (KT) tape

Can cause skin irritations

hurts, especially when taking off and you can bleed from it

Peels off

Produces lots of garbage

expensive on long time

If you bind with tape, NEVER use anything else than KT tape!

(Btw even tho I named more contras about kt tape, ace bandages are still a lot more dangerous!)

chest binders

Don't bind with low-quality binders

don't bind for more than 8-10 hours

Wash your binder

Don't ever bind with multiple binders at once or a too small size! (You can bruise your ribs)

Never sleep in your binder!

Listen to your body

Take breaks

Wash your binder

Alternative binding methods:

Sports bra method

Camisole top method

Swimsuit method

I know dysphoria is fucking hard to deal with but please take care of yourself, listen to your body and don't do shit okay. If you bind unhealthy, you will ruin your body, and also affect the result of your top surgery negatively. I know you probably suffer a lot right now, but it will get better. I promise. 💙

[jeonsduck]

Smoke and Mirrors pt 6

Y/N puts 2 and 2 together

warngings: cursing, kidnapping, mentions of blood and death 

You had said you weren’t going to make anything official until after you finished the case. You were going to keep it professional. That didn’t even last 24 hours. In your defense, San was hot and really good at fucking you and to be honest, you didn’t want to wait until the investigation was over. Which was how you often found yourself bent over either your or San’s desk at work. Or spread out on the backseat of his car, or anywhere he could convince you to let him put his hand down your pants. And he tried it a LOT. The guy was like a machine, but honestly you weren’t complaining. And it wasn’t just sex either. San had started buying you gifts, very expensive gifts. If the lunch he bought you the first time you met qualified as a bribe, you’d hate to see what the administration thought of the designer laptop bag, shoes, coat, and jewelry. You didn’t dare go shopping with San anymore, because if you looked at anything for longer than two seconds, he would buy it for you.

“Mhm, I could come home with you again and we could rack up some more noise complaints from your neighbors.” San offered. 

You were perched on his lap, reviewing your files. Correction: trying to review your files. San was pressing wet kisses to the sensitive spot on your neck and his hand was already under your shirt, so it was very hard to focus. You squirmed when he bit at the junction between your shoulder and your neck, barely holding in a yelp.

“Sannie, stop it.” 

He chuckled, but his hooked his head over your shoulder innocently and tightened his hold on your waist.

“So what do you think?” he murmured, playing with a strand of your hair. 

“I think that sounds very tempting, but we both have work to do right now. Besides, I have to go to the FBI and talk to Agent Heejin and pretend that I’m not fucking you.” you said, squinting at the papers in front of you.

These were the notes you made when you had that fever and were totally out of your mind, and none of it made any sense. You might need to go back and look at the original documents…

“First of all, baby, I’m the one that fucks you, let’s keep that straight. Second, that’s gonna be pretty hard with a hickey the size of Mexico isn’t it?” San whispered in your ear, making a shiver run down your neck.

“What hickey are you talking abo- hey!” you jolted when San nipped at your neck before starting to suck a bruise into the flesh.

“Hey, stop it!” you batted at his arm and got up. San held you tighter, resting his head on your back.

“I’m sorry, I was just fooling around don’t leave. It’s so boring in this room without you.” he pouted and you sighed. 

“I’d love to, but I need to go get some original documents from the file room. I’ll see you later.” You said, removing San’s arms from your waist,

He grumbled but let you go without putting up anymore of a fight. He did grab your wrist and drag you back against him to peck you on the lips one last time. You rolled your eyes and left before he could get another crazy idea to keep you in his office. When you passed by Keran’s desk, she was wearing noise canceling headphones. Oops.

There was something seriously wrong with the records that were in front of you. You were looking at all the guys payments for San’s accounting services. The payments were made once a week, way too often for something that should be billed monthly. The amount was the same every time, but the frequency was way too high. San’s services could be expensive, sure but this number was astronomical. And then there was the amount that was being paid to Yunho and Mingi for security services. Similarly, the amount was way too high, payments too frequent. And the money wasn’t being sent from commercial accounts, but personal ones. What the hell…

“Y/N, it’s time to go! We shouldn’t keep your FBI Agent waiting.” San said, poking his head in your office. You startle and shove the pages between your laptop before snapping it closed. 

“Yeah, let’s head out.”

While you didn’t have a huge hickey on your neck, Agent Heejin did recognize San’s car when it pulled into the lot.

“I honestly don’t even know where to BEGIN with the mess you’re in right now, but since your investigation hasn’t turned up any suspicious activity yet and I don’t think it will, I won’t waste my breath.” she sighed, slamming a manila folder down on her desk. It flopped open and a large full page picture fell out. It was a tattoo, partially covered in blood. It looked hauntingly familiar, but with  the blood covering it, you couldn’t be sure.

“Wait, I think I’ve seen that tattoo before…” you said, stopping Heejin before she put it back in the folder.

“Really? Where?” 

“I’m not sure, there’s so much blood. Can I take a picture of it?” you asked, and Heejin held the page out.

“Yeah sure. Let me know if you remember where you saw it?” she says as you snap a picture of the page.

“Of course. See you next week.” you said, making your exit. 

The whole way back to your apartment you were thinking about the tattoo. It was so very familiar. Where had you seen it before? 

San always let you invite him up instead of just following you into your apartment. You called him up, even though you didn’t have any ulterior motives tonight. San was fine with that, just as content to cuddle you and Noodles on the couch while you watched Chopped reruns.

San was playing with your hair, and you got tired pretty quickly. At this point San had a couple changes of clothes at your place in case he stayed the night. A few more weeks of this and he might get his own toothbrush holder. You snorted at your joke as you walked back into your bedroom, to find San laying face down on your bed, petting Noodles. You eyes drifted to his left shoulder, his tattoo out on display because he tended to sleep with his shirt off. Suddenly, you were hit with a series of flashbacks. The tattoo that curled up Keran’s arm, the flash of ink you’d seen on Wooyoung’s stomach when you met him. The bloodied image of a tattoo on your phone. They were different, obviously adapted for different parts of the body and each customer’s preference, but they were essentially the same tattoo. Why did San Wooyoung, and Keran have the same tattoo as a dead person in an FBI file? Were they really triad members?

“Babe, is something wrong? Come to bed.” San smiled over his shoulder at you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning you tried to call Agent Heejin but she didn’t answer. You left at least 10 messages, but nothing. In between calls you continued to review that discrepancies you’d discovered. Yeosang’s jewelry business was making huge sales on extremely generic pieces of jewelry. The security firm was getting payments from random small businesses across  town. Laundromats, tattoo parlors, restaurants. Not the calibre of clients they usually catered to. All of the companies Seonghwa was contracted to were shell companies. And strangest of all were the huge sums of money being paid too and from Hongjoong, by San. You couldn’t see where this money was going, not without looking at San’s financial records. 

Technically, what you’d already seen gave you the right to look at San’s records as well. But for some reason you were terrified. 

When you think back on it, deep down , some part of you knew the truth. Not the whole truth, not yet, but you knew San wasn’t the innocent ball of sunshine you thought him to be. And you also knew it was going to be a struggle to present this new knowledge without San finding out. And if the ship started sinking, he’d know it was you who sold him out. And you had no idea how powerful San was, didn’t know how deep his pockets were, what all he could do.

So, you pulled down the box of San’s records, opened a binder and got to work. 

When you left work that day, you acted as normally as possible. You had the binder of San’s records as well as the others in your bag and you pretended it wasn’t weighing you down like a rock. 

San kissed you goodbye when he dropped you off, and you kissed him back. You went upstairs and watched his car drive away. Then you grabbed your keys and ran back down to your car. You hadn’t turned in over in weeks, maybe a few months now. You peeled out of the parking lot as fast as you dared to and sped to the FBI Headquarters. You kept glancing in your rearview mirrors, afraid that you would see San’s car behind you. 

When you parked at Heejin’s office building, there was a moment where you sat there, thinking about what you were about to do. You liked San a lot. A lot a lot. But this was your job. And you didn’t really know him, not really. The more you thought about it, the more you realized. You’d never even set foot in San’s apartment. He had access to you 24/7. 

Suddenly your phone rang, startling you. The screen lit up with a picture of San you’d taken a while ago when he hadn’t wanted to get out of your bed on a Saturday. Noodles was curled into his side. 

You breathed in, sent his call to voicemail, and put your phone on silent. You breathed out, grabbed your files and got out of the car.

“Let’s do this , Y/N.” 

When you got up to Heejin’s floor you were surprised to find she wasn’t at her desk. One of her coworkers saw you come in and smiled sadly.

“You looking for Heejin?” 

“Yeah, is she out.” 

“We had an emergency on a big case last night. Heejin got hit and…. She’s dead.” they said solemnly.

You felt off kilter. What? “Yeah it’s really shocking. But weren’t you just here yesterday?” they asked.

“I found something.” you said, holding up your binders.

They quirked an eyebrow and led you to a conference room. You explained the discrepancies in the financial records and what you knew about the tattoo. You didn’t mention the fact that you’d been sleeping with San. 

“Well, it’ll probably be a few days before they hand this case over to someone else, but as soon as they do, I’ll give them this. In the meantime, be careful about that accountant.” they said. 

It was out of your hands now. You just didn’t know what to do about San. You were spared from agonizing over that detail when two strange men approached you. Same uniform as San’s bodyguards, but different men. You could see a tattoo peeking out from under the collar of one man’s shirt. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. How did they know?

You turned and broke into a sprint, running the opposite direction. They walked leisurely towards you, and you ran straight into someone else as you came around the corner. Wooyoung.

“Where are you going in such a rush, hmm?” he drawled.

The next thing you know, your had a black hood shoved over your head and were being dragged across the parking lot. You struggled, but whoever had a hold of you was strong, and you were unable to even get one hand free.

“Help! Let me go, HELP!” you yelled and heard Wooyoung chuckle. 

“Don’t shout yourself hoarse. There’s no one around to hear you.” he admonished and you writhed again, trying to get loose. 

It was futile, the person carrying you hauling you up and into the trunk of a car.

“San’s gonna kill us for putting them in the trunk.” Jongho’s voice said.

“We can deal with San later.” Wooyoung replied. 

You heard two car doors open and close, and the car started. You tried to keep track of how many turns the car was taking, but panic was slowly taking over, and you couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the odds of them killing you. 

After who knows how long, the car came to a stop and you relaxed slightly. The trunk was opened and you were hauled out, assumingly by Jongho. He set you on your feet and started dragging you… somewhere. The hood was still on your head, and you nearly tripped on a step on the floor.

“Oh, whoops. Here, there’s a step.” Jongho said. 

Okay, so maybe your survival chances were higher than you thought. It felt like you walked for a long time before Jongho finally sat you in a chair. Your hands and ankles were tied to keep you in place and the hood was finally taken off. You squinted at the harsh white light, trying to shield your eyes with your shoulder.

“I thought we had a deal. You’re always supposed to answer if I call.” San said.

Your eyes focused to see him looking like a James Bond villain, sitting behind a large desk petting Noodles. How did he get Noodles?

“How did you-?” you started but San cut you off with a chuckle.

“I’ve had a key to your apartment for months now. Not that I need one to get in. But that’s beside the point. You didn’t pick up when I called.” San said.

“So, what you kidnapped me because I didn’t answer your call?�� you asked. 

“No, I kidnapped you because you were about to sell us out. My baby is very smart, aren’t you?” he says, standing up and walking around the desk to hold you by your chin.

“So you are triad.” you sneer.

“Mmmm, not exactly. But we are criminals.” he said.

San let that sink in for a moment and you scowled at him.

“Did you kill Agent Heejin?” you asked.

“No, I didn’t. I didn’t even send the order for that. That was Hongjoong. Your old supervisor on the other hand….” he trailed off.

“She’s been missing for weeks… you killed her? Why?” you asked.

“She made you cry, that day I came to visit you at the office.” he explained, like it was a simple chain of events to follow.

“Oh my God, you’re fucking sick.” you say, but San just laughs sharply.

“No, what was sick was what I did to your coworker.” he corrected. 

You stared at him, blankly, processing his words.

“You killed Jacob? You did that- HE WAS MY FRIEND, YOU BASTARD!” tears quickly sprung to your eyes, and San wiped them away with his thumbs. You jerked your face out of his hold, but you could only go so far away. He tutted at you, holding you still so he could clear the tears from your cheeks,

“Hold still. I know he was your friend but.. I didn’t know, I’m sorry baby. I really am.” he said. 

It was true, he felt awful about killing Jacob. San had killed a lot of people and rarely felt guilt for it. But for him, he really was sorry.

“He didn’t even do anything to me. Why’d you kill him?” you screeched, but San didn’t even flinch.

“He- I thought he was trying to make a move on you. You’re mine, Y/N.” San said with conviction.

You stared blankly at him.

“No I don’t San.”

San growled, tipping your head back.

“Yes you are. Your entire life belongs to me.” he said. 

“Good luck controlling me from prison”, you snarled back.

San chuckled at that. He pet your hair, smiling down at you.

“Oh, baby… I’m not going to jail.” San said.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. The evidence I handed over was pretty compelling.” you said, and San couldn’t help it, laughing at you.

“Darling, who do you this was the ‘higher-up’ asking for you to be on this case? Baby, who do you think started this investigation?” he drawled.

You stared at him in shock, but how did he do that? How long had San been watching you? 

“I’m the one in charge here, and don’t you ever forget that.”

[gay-slime]

Tw: long. Abt dysphoria and trans-ness and all that nasty crap that I need to clarify to the transmeds I wasn’t able to weed out going through my followers for the past hour.

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<p/>Being trans sucks and my dysphoria kicks my ass daily. I am that “perfect transman” that transmeds seem to idolize in their near impossible standards. I can’t stand looking in a mirror because my hips are visible to me in anything I wear, and days I don’t wear my binder due to health requirements and breathing issues are hell on earth. I think I even got a slightly indented rib from biding with ace bandages for a year plus when I first got my hands on it. I’ve lived with the hate of my gender since I started noticing I was developing, and twice as much when it started being noticed by others too. I was at the ripe age of 10 when I got my period, and I was a B cup in fifth grade. It only got worse from there when I ended up being a E cup in my second year in highschool. It only took until I even knew I had a OPTION to change my gender that I realized I was trans at age aprox 12. I impulsively cut my hair to a pixie when I was 13 and never went back. I’ve hated being called a girl since I was a kid and it’s only gotten worse the longer it’s gone on. I dress like a dude and I can pass if I’m having a good day on rare occasions. I plan on getting top -and- bottom surgery in the future, and I hope I can get on T relatively soon if I’m lucky because I have been medically dxed with dysphoria from every therapist I’ve seen.

But, If you met me, and didn’t know me, even if I was binding you’d immediately read me as a girl. Hell, most days I can’t even wear my binder or dress “masculinely” because my dad just doesn’t agree with me being trans in the first place. But that doesn’t give anyone reign to decided if I’m trans or not. Why in any circumstance would you look at someone who has told you they prefer he/him because it alleviates at least a fraction of the discomfort or gives them a smidgen of joy, and then say flat to their face that they’re not allowed to want that? Why in any world would you think it’s okay to then go out of your way to misgender them and make them feel like shit just because you can’t physically see that they’re “trying” hard enough (when honestly it can range from transphobic family members to just the sheer enjoyment of something traditionally not in line with their trans identity.)?

Because even now, if I dare to post a selfie where I’ve got on eyeliner because I like how it makes my eyes pop, and I put “he/him” in the caption or tag to make myself feel even okay with posting it; I’ll get a transmed in my messages asking me why I’m “faking it” and “ruining the trans community” - or hell, my personal favorite: a “cishet girl who wants to be special and call [myself] a gay man.” But the second I say that I have dysphoria and it’s because I literally can’t breathe with my binder on if I get a anxiety spike (which happens often) due to my fucked up rib or that a number of people in my life are transphobic, it’s suddenly “okay” that I don’t wear it. Because when you’re doing it for health reasons it’s “okay”. Because if you’re doing it because it’s a danger to you it’s “okay.” But the thing is; I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place! Why do I need to expose my personal life to be a “okay” transdude? What gives anyone the right to dictate whether or not you’re “allowed” to be trans? And who’s to care if I didn’t have those reasons? What if I just didn’t want to wear it that day because it restricts my movement! What if it’s hot and I just don’t wana be sweaty! Does that make me a “faker” too? What about the men who just want to experiment in different clothing that are more traditionally “female”? Can I not do that too? Why is it that a cis man is “allowed” to be feminine, but a trans man is not?

There’s a million and one loopholes around that kind of “but u have to have dysphoria and dress like a man in every way you can!!!” mentality that 99% of them have. And I would know!! Because I use to be a transmed myself!!! But you know why I’m not now? Because I destroyed that wall I built up around myself telling myself that if I was just “trying” hard enough and I “felt like shit about myself” hard enough I would be a “real trans man”. That horrible “well if I wear a binder every day and I try every day all day even if it hurts me people will think I’m a real boy!!!” thought process almost killed me before I changed my thoughts on the matter.

Dying your hair doesn’t make you no longer trans. Not being able to, or not even wanting to, wear a binder daily doesn’t make you not trans enough. Not doing literally above and beyond doesn’t make you a faker. Dysphoria isn’t a necessity if you get euphoria from using the right pronouns for you. Dysphoria isn’t something that every single person will feel is debilitating. Dysphoria isn’t this little token word that you can use to prove if someone’s “trans enough” for fucks sake! The only thing you honestly fucking need to be trans? The want to change your gender! That’s it! That’s what you need. If you got that disconnect from your birth assignment, then you can change it! Congratulations! You’ve done it! You’re trans!!!!!!!!!!!

But for fucks sake. Please. Don’t try to dictate whether or not someone is trans. You don’t know their circumstances and you really don’t need to. It’s not your buisness. Ever. And if you’re one of those assholes who likes to pick and choose who you think is a “real” trans person? Who likes to go out of their way to message trans people who you don’t think are “trans enough” or are “faking it” in any situation? Get the hell away from me. I’ve delt enough with it for someone who’s dealt with dysphoria nearly my whole life.<p/>

[hobiorbit]

teacher, teacher I

pairing: kim seokjin x reader warnings: future smut, reader is younger than jin by a year, mentions of alcohol, crude language, future smut probably summary: in which kim seokjin is not a dumbass, math is just something only weird people get the hang of.

Kim Seokjin is not a dumbass.

He rejects this entire notion, always getting too flustered and angry to even refute the argument, leaving himself panting and red in the face from trying to defend himself.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being behind in a subject or two. It happened to a lot of people, and Kim Seokjin is neither the first, nor will he be the last to fail a math class. Anyways, it’s not as big of a deal as everyone (including his parents and his a-hole friends,) makes it out to be.

This is what Seokjin repeats to himself as he walks into the same math class he did on the first day of school the year before, greeted with a multitude of people a year younger than him- some were even two years younger, the math wizards.

“It’s good to see you again, Mr. Kim.” His old math teacher, Ms. Choi had said when he walked past her desk. He grunted a somewhat polite greeting back, trying to calm the flames crawling up his neck when he heard a couple kids whisper and repeat the word ‘again?’ Yes, again, you smart fucks!

“Your seat is next to Y/N, the girl in the front on the right. I expect this will be the last year I’ll be seeing you, right Mr. Kim?” The teacher asked him as he gripped his backpack strap tighter in anger in embarrassment.

“I hope so, Ms. Choi.” Seokin grits, turning on his heel to walk to the front of his classroom, zeroing in on the head of hair the old woman pointed out. It looked healthy. That was Seokjin’s first impression.

His second impression, simplified, was holy fuck. Seokjin had seen plenty of beautiful people in his life, himself included, but you were on an entire different level. He’d need to make an entirely new schema just to categorize you.

Your eyes were wide and beautiful as you looked at him in surprise, tearing your earbuds from your ears when he plopped down in the desk next to you. He muttered an apology for startling you, partly because he felt bad and partly because he wanted to put a voice to this pretty face of yours.

“It’s okay. I should’ve expected the seat to be taken anyway… I’m Y/N, I suppose we’re seatmates.” You smiled kindly. Seokjin returned your smile, stretching his full lips in reciprocation to ease your anxiety. He was nothing if not a gentleman.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Seokjin, my friends call me Jin. You can too if you want.” Seokjin replied, setting his backpack down beside him after taking out his way too expensive calculator and his trusty pencil he’d managed to keep for the last two years, an amazing feat for him. Hoseok had accused him of sorcery, as most days the other boy could barely keep track of the same pencil for the entire day.

Before you could say anything else, Ms. Choi had gotten straight to teaching. Seokjin sighed, silently berating his past self for making him sit through another year with the woman. She wasn’t an inherently bad person- just one of those hardass teachers that somehow prided themselves on getting kids to hate them. Seokjin refused to feed into her complex, constantly trying to pretend everything she did wasn’t a bother to him.

You, on the other hand, seemed hardly bothered at all. You took everything she said with grace, answering each question she threw at you easily when she thought you weren’t paying attention. Choi thought she’d won by sitting you next to the abnormally attractive upperclassman, but you seemed to be fine. Seokjin was respectful, but partner projects were shared grades.

“How do you understand this?” Seokjin asked you, two full weeks after the school year had started. It was now his second time going over this material and it was just as confusing as the first. You shrugged, turning to smile at him. Everyone was looking over their scores on their first test of the year, and the paper Jin was holding had him sagging into his seat.

“I don’t know. Guess I just do.” You answered honestly with a small shrug as Seokjin looked at you incredulously. Ms. Choi had shushed the both of you after she heard Seokjin’s voice, causing a couple other kids in the class to snicker. You hardly minded, but didn’t miss the way Jin’s eyes rolled.

The bell ringing was like a saving grace for the older boy. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and crumpled his test up in his free hand, a silent ‘fuck you’ to the test and the teacher who’d administered it. You held in a soft laugh at his behavior, silently watching him leave the classroom as you packed up your things.

-

“You already failed your first test? Man, that’s tough. My little sister is two years younger than us and she’s taking the same level math as you are.” Taehyung, one of Jin’s snob friends said when he caught wind of the events that happened in his classes that day.

Seokjin turned to give the other boy a pointed glare, telling him nothing he was saying was funny and he’d be sorely mistaken if he thought Jin wouldn’t beat up him and his sister.

“Alright, alright. Stop it. Taehyung, there’s no point in bragging about your smart family member, it doesn’t make you any less dumb- and Jin, we don’t solve problems with violence.” Namjoon said, touching the frame of his glasses and pushing them up his nose.

“He kind of has to solve problems with violence if he can’t solve ‘em with his brain.” Jungkook mumbled, but everyone had heard it. Seokjin threw his head back into the plush backing of his couch, harnessing every ounce of will left inside of him to not snap everyone else in two.

“Dick move, Jeon. Don’t forget I can tell everyone at school you have a pencil dick and your pits smell. See how far you’ll get after that.” Jin grunted with his eyes clothes, but not hearing how Hoseok burst into a fit of laughter at his comments.

“Whatever! That’s not true, anyway- and I didn’t mean it, Jin. We all know you’re not stupid. Last thing you’ll need in real life is the law of syllogism.” Jungkook reassured his friend. Seokjin knew his friends didn’t actually think of him as stupid- anything but, actually, but it didn’t completely placate the feeling of inferiority welling within him.

“I get it.” Seokjin mumbled. Jimin sighed from beside him, sensing that Seokjin wasn’t feeling too well. “Just ask someone for help. I’m sure Namjoon would. I might, too, but I’m not that good at explaining things.” Yoongi piped up from across the living room, appearing to be slumped into the expensive recliner Jin’s dad had recently bought.

Namjoon nodded at the notion. “Yeah. I don’t mind helping at all.” He offered. Seokjin would’ve taken him up on it if his ego wasn’t so damaged beyond repair already. Instead he waved his hand.

“This is my problem. There’s no way I can fail a class twice, I just need to study. And maybe get a new teacher. Choi sucks ass.” Seokjin pondered aloud. Yeah, there was no way his lack of success was all him. Choi deserves some blame, too. It was only fair considering how much grief she’d given Jin over the last year.

The other boys shrugged, figuring they’d done everything they could to contribute to the catastrophe that was the part of Jin’s brain in charge of math. Slowly, the conversation moved to topics more their speed, including, but not limited to video games, Jungkook’s pencil dick, and, oh, Seokjin’s hot mom. He really couldn’t catch a break.

-

“You’re reading too much into this, and you’re not even me.” You told your best friend, Yerim, as you walked down the hall to your first class of the day- the one you shared with Seokjin. Yerim gasped at your notion, shaking her head dutifully.

“No, you just aren’t taking this as seriously as you need to. Seriously, Y/N, that’s the hottest guy in school and you’re math partners with him. And he talks to you. Like, willingly.” Yerim explained with an exasperated tone. You arched an eyebrow at her.

“Thanks for making it sound like any attractive guy actually wanting to talk to me is some natural phenomenon, Yeri. You really know how to keep me humble.” You grunted, not actually feeling offended by her words. You’d known the other girl long enough to know she was blunt, and her way with words wasn’t exactly poetic. But she was your Yeri.

“Someone has to!” She laughed before continuing on. “But seriously, Y/N, you need to explore this new opportunity. Or at least send him my way if you don’t want him. Girl code or whatever.” She spoke as you veered off to your classroom, nodding to her words absentmindedly while only halfway processing them. Seokjin had beat you here today, his beautiful head of chestnut hair greeting you as you walked into the cold air of your math class.

Class today seemed especially hard for Jin, who was groaning to himself every time Ms. Choi announced an answer to a problem that he didn’t get. You frowned, wanting to lean over and correct his simple mistakes. However, you weren’t sure if you should- you didn’t want him to get mad at you, or make him feel bad for getting help from someone who was younger than him.

As class ended, you made moves to clean up your things, packing away your math binder before Ms. Choi shrilly called out to you and Seokjin. Your blood ran cold, and you wondered what you could’ve done wrong that day.

“Yes?” You asked hurriedly, setting your backpack down on the ground beside you as Seokjin hung around with a sigh, letting his arms fall limply at his sides. You smiled at his actions, at least he didn’t want to be here either.

“I have a request of you. Mr. Kim here is not doing so well, and it’s a pity considering this is the second time I’ve had the pleasure of teaching him. So I’ve taken it upon myself to arrange a surefire way to get Mr. Kim on track. Y/N, you will be tutoring Seokjin here until his grades are good- not just passing.” She said with finality, leaving no room for either you or Seokjin to argue. Seokjin looked like he was about to, but Ms. Choi continued.

“Y/N, your incentive will be extra credit and no final in this class. Seokjin, your incentive is to graduate. Understood? I will leave meeting arrangements up to the two of you, but just know you’ll have to meet up more than just once a week in order to accomplish anything. That will be all, you two.” The teacher dismissed you, turning around and going back to her desk without sparing either of you a second glance.

You gave Seokjin a weak smile as he stared ahead with a frown on his face. When you two got out into the hallway- which was practically barren, due to most of the students having already left- you attempted to talk to the older boy.

“I’m sorry.” You offered. Your words were genuine even though they didn’t have to be, and Seokjin looked at you in surprise before shaking his head quickly.

“If there’s anyone who should apologize right now, it’s me. It’s my dumbass who got you stuck with tutoring me.” Seokjin sighed. You smiled and shook your own head, looking at him fondly.

“It’s cute of you to assume I wouldn’t like tutoring you. Who says math can’t be fun?” You said boldy, inwardly cringing at your own words. Not only had you called him cute, but you also inadvertently said math was fun- which is not true, by the way. Even you knew that.

Seokjin smirked at your words, giving you a once over (which made you feel more flushed than you cared to admit,) before nodding. “I guess you’re right. Here,” He said, digging in his pocket before pulling out his phone, unlocking it and then setting it into your hand. “Put your number in. That way we can get ahold of each other.” Seokjin said. You nodded, typing your name in and putting a few cute emojis beside it before adding your number and handing it back to Seokjin.

The boy smiled at how cute you were, putting emojis next to your contact. It stood out against everything else, as it was very rare of him to adorn contact names with anything like that. The closest thing he had was Jungkook’s costume name- which was just dumbass.

He sent you a text from his phone, a silly joke just so you’d have his number. You giggled as you saved his contact.

“Text me and let me know when you’re free next. I’d do it tonight, but my friends have a soccer game tonight and I promised I’d go…” He trailed off, almost seeming to ponder something before shaking his head, deciding it wasn’t something that needed to be said. “Anyway, I can probably tweak my schedule to meet yours. You’re probably busier with school and other stuff than I am, anyway.” He said nonchalantly. You smiled at how considerate the older boy was being, nodding sweetly at his words.

“Sure, I’ll do that. Have fun tonight, Seokjin.” You said softly, waving him goodbye as he walked into the parking lot to his car. You stood by the curb, waiting for your usual ride to pull up, who just happened to be one of your best friends.

“Hi, Yukhei.” You smiled at him as you clambered into the front seat of his car. He sent you his signature wide smile, turning his loud music down to greet you. “What’s up, sweetness? You took longer than you usually do today.” Yukhei said as he put his car in drive, backing up before driving out of the parking lot. You observed Seokjin as he drove past you, sending you a wink. You frowned and uttered an apology to your friend.

“Sorry… I didn’t think I’d be. My teacher held me and another guy back after class and, well, long story short, I’m a tutor now. Against my will.” You added the last part, because Yukhei was totally a guy who would tease you about wanting to be a math tutor. Not that it mattered- he barely passed geometry in tenth grade. Yukehi hummed thoughtfully.

“That sucks. What’s his name?” He asked out of curiosity. You knew Yukhei hardly paid attention to anyone in your grade, having befriended just about everyone in all other grade levels. It was a miracle he talked to you.

“Kim Seokjin.” You said, screaming when Yukhei’s car came to a sudden halt. Another car swerved past you, honking and giving him a not so nice finger sign. “What’re you doing? You’re gonna get us killed!” You whimpered, clutching your chest over the soft material of the sweater you were wearing. Yukehi hardly seemed bothered, slowly turning back to normal as he continued the route home.

“Y/N, are you kidding me? Kim Seokjin is one of the most popular guys in school. Hell, he’s one of the most popular guys in the district. Your social rep is about to go through the roof! What’s he like? I’ve only heard stories.” Yukhei said in awe, only taking his eyes off you every couple of seconds to make sure he was still driving on the right side of the road.

“Please keep your eyes on the road before I die prematurely,” You whined pitifully before continuing. “And, you’ve only heard stories? Geeze, way to make him sound like some mythical creature. I don’t really know what you want me to say… We really just sit next to each other in math. He’s nice, and funny I guess.” You said. You really wanted to comment on how handsome he was too, but you figured Yukhei had heard enough of that from every other person he knew.

Yukehi sucked in a couple deep breaths to curb his excitement. “You’ve gotta get me on his good side, Y/N. This is crazy, I always knew there was a reason I kept you around! Well, beside your ass- you’re pretty funny too, I guess.” Yukhei shrugged as you slapped his arm, which was protected by the expensive windbreaker he wore.

“Stop saying things like that! It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t know how to react. And no, I’m not using him to get you into parties or something. Climb the social chain on your own, like the pioneers once did.” You scolded him as he laughed.

“You know I hate manual labor. Why do you think I didn’t clean my room for two years straight?” Yukhei asked as you shivered at the memory. It started in eighth grade, and Yukhei didn’t clean his room until the end of your freshman year of high school.

You shook your head. “Don’t remind me. I remember that fossilized sock. It got so bad you had to give me your allowance just so I’d help.” You grumbled, crossing your arms and glaring at the memory. His measly ten bucks a week would never be enough for the horrors you went through during that time.

Yukhei rolled his eyes, mumbling something about you being a drama queen. You shrugged, hardly bothered, opting to listen to his music as he continued your route home.

When he pulled into your driveway, you expected him to leave and go to his own house. However, he ended up stopping his car and smiling deviously when you looked at him in question.

“You’re free tonight, right?” Yukhei asked as he strolled into your house behind you, shrugging off his jacket and taking off his shoes as he did the same. You peered at him wearily squinting your eyes.

“...Why? Yukhei, I’m not doing your homework for you again. It’s not that hard. And I don’t want to.” You pouted. His mouth dropped in offense, slapping a hand onto his chest to let you know that he wasn’t pleased with your assumption.

“You’re the worst! For your information, that’s not what I was going to ask you anyway. I got invited to a cool party tonight and I wanted you to be my plus one.” Yukhei said snobbily, tilting his nose into the air.

You grimaced, thinking about how that was the last thing you wanted to do. You’d rather stay home, as sad as it sounded- you’d heard horror stories from the types of parties Yukhei’s crowd went to, and you weren’t familiar with anyone who went to them beside him.

“I don’t know, Yukhei. That’s really not my type of thing. You’d have better luck asking someone else.” You said in resignment, walking up the stairs to your room as he followed behind you, moaning and groaning at your answer.

“You never wanna do anything fun! Why don’t you want to go? It’s a Friday night, any homework you have can be done tomorrow or Sunday.” Yukhei said, belly flopping onto your made bed.

You dropped your backpack down to your side, going to your desk and sitting in the spinning chair and facing the boy on your bed, who was giving you the side eye.

“I don’t want to go because it doesn’t sound fun. I won’t know anyone there beside you- and knowing the social butterfly you are, you’ll end up leaving my side right when we get there. And before you promise me that you’ll stay with me, I’ll feel bad because I’ll most definitely be keeping you from doing something actually enjoyable.” You shrugged. Everything got difficult when you two started growing into different social groups.

Yukhei had always been popular. You weren’t unpopular, people knew you and enjoyed talking to you, but it was a different kind of recognition. Yukhei and you were tied at the hip for most of your lives, and once puberty started hitting him he began prospering as you watched him proudly, from the comfort of your smaller social circle. Things were different now, and it was sometimes hard to work through.

He frowned, eyebrows creasing together in the telltale emotion of worry.

“Do you really feel like that, Y/N? Hon, the most fun I could ever have is with you. Don’t think for even a second that I’d enjoy anyone else’s company more. I want you to go because I wanna hang out with you, make new memories or whatever. I’m not doing it out of pity, or whatever might be going on in that head of yours.” He said seriously, his tone dropping to let you know his words were genuine. You smiled at him, tilting your head.

“Aw, Yukehi’s got a soft spot for little old Y/n.” You giggled as he cursed and shook his head. “Yeah, whatever- well now that we’ve talked through that, it’s time to pick your outfit! I heard this is supposed to be a real banger- the super popular upperclassmen are coming.” Yukehi said, jumping up from your bed and rubbing his hands together in contemplation.

“I never said I was going!” You said indignantly, to which he rolled his eyes in response.

“Doesn’t matter. I decided that you are. Where do you keep your dresses?” Yukhei asked, pulling out random drawers to your dresser and snickering when he found your underwear drawer, picking a pair of panties up and flinging them to you as you gasped in embarrassment.

“Boundaries, Yukhei!” You said in shrill embarrassment, balling up the fabric in your hand and pushing him away from the piece of furniture he was rifling through. “And I keep them in the closet, duh.” You sneered, gently placing your underwear back where they were supposed to be as Yukhei huffed some laughter.

“Alright, let’s see what I have to work with. You’re lucky you’re already pretty fashionable and I don’t have to go through the hassle of one of those movie transformations.” Yukhei hummed as slid his hand in between the garments of clothing hung up in your closet, inspecting each one and taking some out when they seemed to meet his made up requirements.

“Try these two on. I think I know what I’m gonna choose but I have to be sure.” Yukhei demanded, throwing the two dresses he picked out onto your bed.

“Aye aye captain?” You questioned, picking them up and travelling to the bathroom before putting one of the garments on, surprising yourself when you looked in the mirror. In all fairness, you’d forgotten you owned it- a nice lightly colored pattern with a skirt that puffed out at the waist, accentuating your figure nicely. You’d always enjoyed the dress but always ended up admiring it from afar, never really having the chance to wear it.

Yukhei whistled as you walked back into the room, holding his finger up and drawing an imaginary circle to silently tell you to turn around for him. You spun around, watching in amusement as the skirt following your movements, wind fluffing up the ruffled edges. Yukhei smiled approvingly.

“You’ll be wearing that one tonight.” He decided as he continued to observed you as you smiled. “You don’t want to see the other one on?” You questioned.

“Don’t need to,” He answered. “This looks stunning on you, and if the other one could look even better I’d have to be your personal bodyguard tonight- which is something I’d like to avoid, but it can’t be helped.” The boy explained as you sat next to him.

“What do you mean it can’t be helped?” You questioned out of pure curiosity as he raised an eyebrow at you, accompanied by a deadpan expression.

“Really sick of the whole ‘girl doesn’t know how beautiful she actually is,’ trope, Y/N. You’re hot, people will try to make moves on you tonight.” He said nonchalantly as you felt your skin begin to heat up with embarrassment.

You shook your head haughtily. “No way. No one’s ever done that before, tonight won’t be any different.” You nodded to your own words, trying to agree with what you were telling yourself. Yukhei scoffed, sending a hand down onto your back. It didn’t hurt, but it shocked you enough.

“You haven’t given anyone the chance, sweetheart. You really think the kids who sit in the library during lunch are gonna make a move on you? It’s a party, Y/N, a social event. They’ll be like moths to a flame.” He spoke, and you grimaced but didn’t find yourself disagreeing. It sounded intimidating, but a bit flattering.

“Whatever you say…” You mumbled, to which Yukhei smiled as he congratulated himself for winning the argument. “Go do your hair or makeup or whatever.” He commanded you as you looked at him incredulously.

“The party’s not until tonight!” You exclaimed while Yukhei shrugged casually.

“I know girls who skipped school today to get ready. Plus, we have to stop at my house so I can change. You think I’d show up to a party looking like this?” Yukhei signalled to the outfit he wore as you blinked slowly. There wasn’t anything wrong with it. You thought he looked good.

“...I guess not?” You questioned as your friend smiled. “Good answer, Y/N.”

-

“You said this was supposed to start at seven.” You pointed out dejectedly when you’d checked your phone. Yukhei had parked a couple houses down, giving you time to observe your surroundings as you walked up the street. Cars littered the neighborhood and you could already hear the bass of the music playing inside of the large house. This person must’ve had very understanding neighbors.

“Yeah, Y/N, fashionably late. Ever heard of it? We’d look dumb if we came when it was actually supposed to start.” Yukhei pointed out as you creased your eyes in confusion. “But it’s almost 9 already…” You trailed off, wrapping your arms around your waist as you slowly grew more conscious of the outfit you were wearing.

Yukhei scoffed. “Exactly. But if you’re so concerned… Hurry up.” He chided, grabbing your arm and practically dragging you up the steps of the house, which was covered in red solo cups and some people who were smoking, or got started on the alcohol too early and were lazing around in the fresh air. A couple of the patrons noticed Yukhei, raising their hands in a wave accompanies by sly smiles.

Yukhei nodded curtly toward them but said nothing, so you decided not to acknowledge them.

The house was almost filled to the brim. People were everywhere and the music was so loud you could barely hear your own thoughts, and the air was so hazy you almost wondered if people were smoking inside as well. If they were, you couldn’t smell it, as it seemed to be covered by the copious amounts of perfumes and colognes everyone wore.

“Follow me.” Yukhei leaned down and spoke into your ear so you could hear him. You nodded at him with slightly light eyes, following him as he wove through the crowds of people.

Somehow you ended up in the kitchen, lights dimmed to keep the lowlit effect that had been apparent since you’d arrived. There were multiple bowls of snacks, and in the middle of one of the large tables was a huge bowl of suspicious red looking liquid. You shivered, wondering what all had been put into it. It seemed to be popular, as the other people in the kitchen went immediately to it, refilling their cups.

Yukhei went over and got a cup, grabbing the ladle and pouring a small amount into it before going over to the sink and filling the rest of it with water. You raised an eyebrow at him before he thrust it into your own hand, smiling proudly.

“Drink it. There’s barely any alcohol in it and I’m not drinking tonight so there’s nothing to worry about. Despite the anxiety blooming in your chest and willing you to refuse the liquid, you raised it to your mouth and took a sip. Your eyebrows shot up immediately at the sweet, fruity taste that flooded your mouth. Your friend smiled even wider.

“You like it?” He asked excitedly, biting the side of his lip. You looked down into the cup, still slightly surprised at how someone had managed to make alcohol taste so good. “Yeah, I like it a lot actually…” You trailed off, taking another sip.

“A guy named Taehyung is usually in charge of the jungle juice. He’s the only one who doesn’t fuck it up, but makes it capable of doing something. And hey, slow down. I watered it down so you’d take your time, but I’ve got you.” Yukhei said, grabbing the hand that was wrapped around the cup and pulling it down so it was level with your belly button. You smiled sheepishly.

The two of you made your way out of the kitchen, you looking around in wonder as Yukhei drank in your reactions. He was happy to see you breaking out of your shell a bit, letting go of your own personal rules and trusting him enough to have fun with him.

“Aye, Yukhei! Bring your girl over here, we’re playing beer pong.” A tall handsome boy hollered from a couple feet over. They were standing in what seemed to be a secondary dining room, two obvious teams stood at different sides of the large table. It was covered in red solo cups, but instead of beer they were filled with the infamous jungle juice.

Yukhei looked at you questioningly to which you nodded shortly, following him over to the table. There was only one other girl who seemed to want nothing to do with the game, but she smiled at you nonetheless. She didn’t seem threatening in any manner, which was nice.

“What’s up, Yukhei? Who’s the pretty little lady?” The guy who called you over smiled. He had dark brown hair and olive skin, smiling down at you with a rectangular smile that showed his shining teeth.

“This is one of my best friends. Her name’s Y/N. Y/N, this is Taehyung. He’s in the year above us.” Yukhei said, managing to point out that you two were not an item like the other boy might have assumed. Taehyung’s eyes showed pleasant surprise, his smile widening as he caught a glimpse of your cup.

“Like it? Made it just for you, you know.” He said as he gestured toward your cup. You smiled shyly but still managed to respond slyly. “I’m sure- I’m surprised you knew I was coming, and made all of that punch just for me.” You smiled, sipping at the liquid again as both he and Yukhei laughed.

“Hey,” a lazy voice called from the other end of the table. He had slanted eyes that stared right at you, his tongue peeking out to wet the corner of his lips. “Stop flirting with the poor girl and get this game started. It’s nine o’clock and I’m not even tipsy, it’s a shame.” He said, making you snort. Yukhei looked at you and shrugged, letting you know that this behavior wasn’t out of the norm.

“Yoongi’s a super nice guy. Probably the one I’d trust most around here.” Yukhei murmured to you as they began to set up their game. Taehyung has called Yukhei to be on his team, and you politely declined, leaving you to awkwardly stand beside the table and watch the first couple of throws before the other girl noticed you.

“Come here.” She said gently, and you immediately obeyed.

“You looked a little lost, and I’ve never seen you around one of these things before. I’m Jisoo, what’s your name?” She asked you as you nodded. “Yeah… Yukhei’s been one of my best friends for years now, and I guess tonight was the night he decided he had enough and brought me to a party. Oh, and I’m Y/N.”

Jisoo smiled at your words, nodding understandingly. She was well aware her crowd wasn’t for anyone, but it was always nice to see a new face. Especially when the new face didn’t seem to have any preconceived notions of ‘popular kids.’

“Well, I hope you have fun tonight, Y/N. You can always sit with us too if Yukhei gets too rowdy. Do you know anyone else here?” She asked out of curiosity. You furrowed your eyebrows and raised your head to get a good look of the other patrons of the party.

“No, I don’t think so… Oh! Seokjin!” You said in surprise, causing Jisoo’s face to morph into a look of shock. “Seokjin…?” She asked, turning her head to look for the boy. He seemed to see you at the same time you saw him. His features reflected surprise, but he snapped out of it and sent you a wave and a smile.

“How do you know Seokjin? He hardly ever comes to these things, that’s so odd…” Jisoo trailed off. Her tone held no malice or jealousy, simply surprise that you of all people would know Seokjin. Even Yukhei had never managed to talk to him before.

“Oh,” You said, wondering what you should say. You were sure he wouldn’t appreciate it if you told people that you were his math tutor despite being younger than him. “I share a class with him and we sit next to each other.” You said finally, nodding your head. Jisoo seemed to believe you, eyes still focused on Seokjin as he weaved his way through the crowd. He had two people with him, but it was very clear he was walking in your group’s direction.

“Jinnie! To who do we owe our pleasure?” Taehyung asked excitedly, stopping mid throw to greet Seokjin. Yukhei had a look of awe on his face from behind Taehyung and Yoongi threw a ping pong ball at Taehyung.

“Blame this one. He wouldn’t leave my house without me.” Jin said, jabbing a finger over his shoulder at a smiling boy, who was already bouncing around. You could tell that this was completely his element- a party animal. The other one who accompanied them smiled, hooded eyes trailing over everyone before stopping on you, grinning widely.

“And who are you, sweetheart?” He asked, paying Jisoo no mind as he strolled over to you. His voice was a bit higher than the other boy’s but still had a gravelly quality to it, practically hypnotizing you. You were silent for a moment, thinking Jisoo would come to save you but she only ignored him, leaving you to your own devices.

“Oh, um… I’m Y/N?” You asked more than answered, wondering if that was really what he wanted to know. His eyes shone with interest and you felt like you’d fallen into the lion’s den. “Nice to meet you. I’m Jimin. Say… I haven’t seen you at one of these before. What’s the special occasion?” He asked again. Jisoo got up and walked over to where Yoongi’s team stood, and you could see her whisper into his ear. His eyes followed the situation, watching carefully.

“Well, my best friend Yukhei. He’s over there. He wanted me to come.” You shrugged your shoulders, feeling cold in the dress you wore. Jimin occupied the seat Jisoo left open now, no longer obscuring your frontal view. Seokjin hadn’t taken notice to Jimin, and if he did he didn’t seem to care.

“Mmm, Yukhei, really? Surprising that someone like him is friends with a sweet girl like you.” He said nonchalantly, making you confused. “Someone like him? What does that mean?” You asked, folding your hands in your lap and looking down at them, finding his presence almost suffocating. He was absolutely stunning, but you knew he could only offer you trouble.

“Well, the crowd he hangs out with, sweetheart. There’s no doubt he’s popular, but there’s always more to that, isn’t there? I won’t ruin anything for you. But if you stick around I might have to steal from him, you’re entirely tempting. You know that, don’t you?” Jimin asked you, bringing a finger under your chin and tilting it his way, having you look at him. This seemed to be the final straw for whoever had been watching, because you heard Yoongi’s voice immediately after.

“Enough, Jimin. You’re scaring her.” Yoongi said authoritatively, causing him to glower at the black haired boy. Seokjin seemed to hear the commotion, because he looked over at you only to grow surprised at the position Jimin had managed to get him in. When Jimin didn’t move, Jin stalked over and grabbed his hand tightly before moving it away.

Jimin got up and followed Jin, who was muttering something about you being off limits. You wondered what that meant. Yukhei jogged over to you, face clearly showing his panic. “Are you okay? I didn’t even notice anything. He didn’t make you uncomfortable, right?” He asked, hands on your shoulders as he looked into your eyes concerningly.

You shook your head and smiled up at your friend. “No Yukhei, I’m okay. He’s just a flirt, that’s all.” You shrugged, not wanting him to get even more worried. You also didn’t want to make the situation seem bigger than it was, you hadn’t told Jimin to stop and he didn’t do anything crazy. He just kept you on your toes.

Yukhei seemed conflicted, but nodded. “I’m gonna get back to the game, then. If something like that happens again tell them no and get me.” Yukhei said with finality. You saluted him, to which he laughed and shook his head.

It had been a couple of minutes before you heard your name being said again. You looked up and around, wondering where it came from before you saw Seokjin, who was motioning for you to come over to him. You got up and righted your dress before walking over.

“Hi!” You said happily, missing the way his eyes trailed over you hungrily. He smiled at you sweetly, bringing his hand down to encase your own. “Come with me?” He asked, to which you nodded. The boy led you through a couple of halls before you were met with some glass doors, which led to the house’s back porch. There were people outside, but hardly any compared to the inside of the house.

“How was the soccer game?” You asked when the both of you stopped next to the porch’s railing. He smiled at your ability to remember what he told you. “It was good. They won, so I guess it was worth going to. I guess we could’ve met up afterward but I didn’t think you’d be up this late…” He said, alluding to the party the two of you were now at. You began to fluster at his words.

“Ah…! I didn’t know I’d be here either, to be completely honest. Yukhei dragged me out, parties aren’t really my thing. This is my first one, actually!” You said a bit loudly, completely unaware at how lame you were making yourself sound. Jin let out a warm chuckle.

“Don’t worry Y/N, I can tell you’re not the party type. Which brings me to the reason why I wanted to talk to you.” Seokjin said. You tilted your head, fiddling with the hem of your dress. “And what is that?” You asked quietly, feeling small under his gaze.

His facial expression was weird, to say the least. He seemed almost mournful, and it had you feeling saddened before you could even hear what he had to say.

“You shouldn’t be here, Y/N. You’re too good for this type of stuff.” Jin sighed as you looked at him in apparent confusion. “I’m definitely not better than anyone here if that’s what you’re saying.” You said, not wanting him to put you on a pedestal for no reason. He reached down for your hand again, bringing it up to rest against his on the railing. Your heart sped up at the contact.

“That’s not quite what I meant. Excuse the brashness but… You’re stunning. People here are well aware of that, and if they’re not jealous they’re gonna find a way to get you themselves, like Jimin earlier. You’re innocent and unaware of people’s intentions and it makes you desirable, and I’ll be damned if I sit around and let someone take advantage of you.” Seokjin murmured quietly to avoid anyone else hearing him, but you could hear the anger in his tone.

“Oh, Seokjin, I don’t want you to worry about me. I promise I can take care of myself, and I know trouble when I see it.” You tried to assure him, but you could see that the conflict in his eyes hadn’t lessened.

“I think your heart is in the right place- too much, probably. EVen if you smell trouble you’ll try to look for the good in someone, like you did with Jimin.” Seokjin spoke, and you became aware that it wasn’t going to be easy to change his mind.

“But…” You trailed off in confusion, eyebrows drawing together and bottom lip jutting out as Seokjin resisted the urge to coo at you and swipe his thumb across your mouth. “Aren’t you and Jimin friends?” You asked, in reference to the way he spoke of the other boy. He sucked in a breath through his teeth, and you saw his wide shoulders raise with the intake.

“We are,” He finally spoke. “But if anything, that just shows that I know what type of person he is. He’s good to me, but I know what he does, and I’d prefer it if he didn’t do it with someone like you- for both of our sakes.” Seokjin spoke as you felt embarrassment blooming within you, knowing exactly what the older boy was referencing to. Of course you were aware some boys and girls had reputations for ‘sleeping around’- you just didn’t think it was ever something that should be made into a big deal.

“Have you told them… What I am, for you?” You whispered quietly, not wanting to alert anyone around you in fear of embarrassing Seokjin. He huffed out some endearing laughter. “Can’t say I’m exactly excited to say that the cute underclassman girl I hang around with is actually my math teacher. I’ll tell them eventually, though- to avoid some confusion that’s bound to arise. I don’t really hang around girls too often, so they’ll get curious.” You smiled at his words, eyes creasing with the excess skin of your cheeks.

“Sounds good.” You told him. It looked like Seokjin was about to continue but was shocked out of replying when a large hand clapped over his shoulder, another man appearing from behind him. He had a wide smile, and he was holding a red solo cup. The flush of his cheeks told you that he definitely wasn’t sober.

“My man Seokjin! Where’d you get this hot piece of ass? I didn’t think the underclassmen were all that, but you’re changing my mind, you know?” He asked as he driected the conversation to you. You couldn’t respond, eyes open wide at the brashness of his comments. Seokjin seemed less than pleased, ripping his hand from his shoulder and shoving him off.

“None of your fucking business, Yunho- say one more thing and I’ll get my dad to fire yours.” Seokjin threatened emptily, but it was very obvious that the inebriated male didn’t catch the hint. His eyes widened and he put his hands up in defense. “Sorry, man. Didn’t mean it.” He slurred, beelining for the door to the inside. You watched the door even after he disappeared into it.

“I’m sorry, Y/N…” Seokjin trailed off as you began to shake your head in response. He wasn’t looking at you, though, so it went unnoticed. “I think it’s best if I drive you home. You okay with that?” He asked. You hesitated, mind flashing back to Yukhei.

“Yukhei was my ride… I was supposed to stay with him.” You spoke anxiously as Jin listened. “You shouldn’t worry. We left him alone with Taehyung, he’s probably less than sober by now. We can swing through and you can tell him bye before we go, if you want.” Seokjin compromised, leaving you with no option but to nod your head in agreeance.

Truthfully, you understood where Seokjin was coming from, and that he wanted you safe. However, you felt like you were being babied despite the small gap in age between the two of you, causing you to follow closely behind him with your head held down like the child you’d been made to feel like. Seokjin ushered himself off to the side, planting his hand at the small of your waist and guiding you along with him.

Seokjin was right about Yukhei. He was yelling, and you could hear him from a couple rooms over, meaning that the temptation of alcohol had won. Inside, you felt a bit betrayed, but you were happy that he was at least having fun.

“Hey,” You tapped his shoulder as he turned to look at you, mouth opening wide with a smile when he saw your face. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you tightly as you made a noise of surprise which caused him to let you go.

“I’m gonna go home, Yukhei.” You told him, watching as his face went from confused to shocked and wide eyed. “Y/N, I’m so sorry! ‘M not sober enough to take you home, sweetheart… Forgot my one fuckin’ job of the night, how funny is that.” Yukhei said but it was very obvious he didn’t find it funny, and that he was currently beating himself up for forgetting something so important.

You lifted a hand up to feather it through his hair in a gesture of comfort. “Don’t worry, you’re fine. Seokjin said he’d take me so you’re alright.” You spoke. You saw him sigh in relief but his mood hadn’t seemed to better too much.

“At least you’re gettin’ home safe. So sorry, Y/N, I’ll make it up to ya. I’ll take you out for some food or something. Have a good night.” He told you genuinely, pulling you into another hug, smoothing his hand along your back. You agreed, jokingly stating that he owed you before returning to Seokjin’s side as he led you out of the house party.

“He seems like a nice kid.” Seokjin spoke as he lead you through the crowds of people. You became increasingly aware of the looks you were getting- hungry and astonishing looks, the occasional jealous glare from multiple patrons. You could hear people whispering, asking each other who you are and what business you had with Kim Seokjin.

“Huh?” You spoke when you realized you’d been silent for too long. “Oh, yeah. He really is.” You said. Seokjin offered a smile at your spacey attitude, opening the front door and letting you out before turning around, letting his eyes linger on a couple of people who said especially rude things about you.

“My car’s over here.” Seokjin spoke when he closed the door behind him, making sure you were close by him as he started walking. You stayed silent, more so focusing on the chilly night air hitting your exposed skin. You shivered a bit, but it did not go unnoticed by Jin.

“Shit, sorry.” He said, shrugging off his jacket and beginning to put it around your shoulders. “I didn’t even think about how cold it got.” He said when it was sufficiently wrapped around you. It was large on him, so it almost engulfed you. “It’s okay, it’s yours anyway. I’m sure you’re cold now, too.” You offered, gripping the jacket even though you wanted to keep it for the warmth it offered- not to mention the smell of his cologne that was still on it.

He shook his head. “You’re the one in a dress, you can keep it. Chivalry isn’t dead, you know.” Seokjin offered, making you giggle and playfully roll your eyes. “Oh, sure. True chivalry is being your math tutor.” You said as Seokjin gasped in offense.

“And here I was, thinking you were a nice girl. Should’ve known better…” Seokjin shook his head as the two of you got into the car. He sat there for a moment, hand on the gear before he turned to look at you. “Mind giving me some directions?” He asked charmingly, making you instantly flustered- duh! He didn’t know where you lived.

“Oh, sure. At the end of this street take a right.” You spoke, him nodding easily and shifting the car into drive. You watched the house disappear into the rear view mirror.

-

“Thanks for taking me. You didn’t have to.” You said as Seokjin rolled up your driveway, a couple of lights on signalling some of your family members were still awake. The boy shook his head, turning to look at you. “I was the one who made you leave in the first place, I’d be a dick to not offer a ride home- I get if you’re mad at me for that, by the way.” He said sheepishly, but you gave him a smile and shook your head.

“I mean, it didn’t go the way I always envisioned my first real party- but it wasn’t horrible. Here, let me give you your jacket back-,” You suddenly remembered, sitting up in the front seat and beginning to shrug it off yourself only for Jin to set a hand on your shoulder.

“Keep it. You look good in it. Plus, we still need to get together for some tutoring, so it’s not like I’ll never see it again.” He said, and you nodded dumbly, more focused on the compliment he gave you rather than anything else. Gulping, you sent him a shy smile before popping the car door open.

“Sure. Thank you, Seokjin, see you later.” You said shyly, and he waved goodbye. “Bye, Y/N, I’ll text you. Sleep well.”

[paninimaker]

When i was a kid in fuckin primary school and they asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i couldn't answer, because i couldn't imagine myself as a woman. I came up blank

I didnt show early childhood signs of gender dysphoria because, back then, my prescholl was very progressive and they let the boys wear dresses and girls wear pants, so i had no reason to associate dresses qith womens clothes, and my preschool didnt really have any social differences between boys and girls, and hell, back then i looked like a boy nd i hung out with both boys an girls. I had no reason to start having gender dysphoria

Then primary school. Girls were usually told to wear dresses ans boys were told to wear shorts and a teeshirt. I always wanted the shorts. I threw a tantrum if i was told to wear a dress. I always wanted to hang out with the boys, but my school was dickish and my teachers told me if i got a boy haircut they could go to the principal about it. I know now they couldnt do shit, but back then i was worried, so i grew it out

Thats when i started feeling gender dysphoria. I was the black scheep. I remember specifically when this teacher was doing one of those 'go to one side of the room if X id better and go to the other side if Y is better' and she made it so x was boys and y was girls, and i told the teacher, while sitting on the boys side, "well wouldnt people choose their own gender?" And she replied "thanks for saying my whole lesson is stupid" word for word, and i sat there stunned

I never felt like i belonged with the girls

Puberty is when shit got hard. It hit around 9-10, which is really early i know, but it sucked. I was still in primary and every time i looked in the mirror i knew something was wrong, i just couldnt tell what. When i started bleeding, which wasnt long after, i esentially had panic attacks because i hated it. Back then i just though it was because if the blood but im not squeemish. I never have been, so that wasnt it

In year 5 is when i realised something was wrong, but i shut up about it. Yeah i got a short haircut, but that was it. I was the only girl in school to have a boys haircut, but i didnt care. I loved it

In year 6 is when i started coming out. Some people were ok, well, most people were ok with it (i was only coming out to other kids at school though) but there was this one girl that was my friend. "I just think youre so much prettier as a girl". Back then it felt like a knife, but now ive heard it so many times that im fine with it.

I came out right before highschool, and hy the time i got to highscool at age 12, i was a boy. My name was Sam. It felt right, i had a binder and everything was good. I looked like a boy

But i mase this post to point out that my olf middle school sucked. Fuck my middle school, it can suck my entire shlome dome for all i care

[mintchocolatechipisthebestflavor]

being a trans man with little dysphoria fucking sucks because I'm comfortable with my body so I'm not really wanting hormone therapy or a binder. (not that I'll ever be able to afford it) and I like really feminine things like pink frilly bows and dresses, and I will wear them if I want to. but like everyone is like what "A pretty girl! :)" and like no stranger will ever guess what gender I am because I clearly look like a woman which means I get misgendered all the time, but I'm also in the closet from most people so no one will know.

and it's just really uncomfortable. I don't let myself think about looking different because once I start I won't be able to stop and then I can't look my reflection in the eye. I'm already starting to hate my breasts but like I used to love them... they were really good! and I love tight fitting clothes because I got great legs but like are they too skinny? if I want to be more masculine, I'll need more muscles. but like I hate working out so much holy shit it sucks.

I did PE in high school so any form of exercising is emotionally uncomfortable now and it feels like I'm being watched. which sucks because I really do need to be in somewhat decent shape so I can not die from lifting two books.

anyway life sucks and I'm starting to get a little dysphoric now what the fuck. i did not sign up for this shit

[sillymeter]

oh my GOD i cannot believe i have to hold your hand and walk you through this. let’s break this down piece by fucking piece since clearly you cant think for yourself @ace-altair​ here’s the image im referring to

i dont know what some of these refer to and some of these are just borderline free spaces because blah blah stereotype. fucking whatever just say you think we dont have personalities. - emotional just say you think we’re all hysterical and leave. fucking freak - accidentally fell for a straight girl what does this mean. what does this fucking mean. anyone can have a crush on anyone. why is this in here.  - keysmash once again just say you all think we sit around going SWGHHAGBHJG and thinking about girls.  - watches lesbian tiktoks ah yes suck up to the corporation why don’t you. i don’t watch these tiktoks nor do i go on tiktok so idk what exactly this is talking about but. you know. - overuses heart emojis i dont really know what to say to this one. cant explain why this makes me mad. too tired. - can’t sit right LOLL SO QUIRKY!!!! LOLLL!  - girl in red i think the quotes mean someone else is asking this. why is this here. who fucking cares. its music. - short nails idk what to say to this one. i really am bewildered why you would put this on here. puzzling me. its not bad or anything i don’t think it’s just a weird thing to say. - wears flannels i 100% bet the only exposure you’ve had to lesbian culture is popular ( FOR SOME REASON ) tumblr posts about wearing flannel in the fall and going pumpkin picking with your girlfriend or some fucking thing. it’s clothes. it’s just clothes. - wears vans / converse ties directly in with the flannels thing. you forgot to add “wears a beanie” go ahead complete the “i don’t think they have actual styles and opinions, what do you mean they’re real people” trio. go ahead. - HNGGG- WOMEN PRETTY if i met you i would spit directly on your face. (also leaving out nonbinaries in this. i see you ) - thought you were bi once again, if i met you i would spit on you. identities can change over time. this is such a shitty thing to put on this. - can’t drive *spits on you.* go ahead and say you think we’re all stupid people who can’t think for ourselves and all we do is sit around thinking about women, crytyping, keysmashing, and spamming heart emojis in our vans and sipping starbucks. i fucking despise you - types only in lowercase BUT NOT WHEN WE’RE SCREAMING!! OMG!!! QUIRKY!! LOL!!! Sorry to say I don’t type like a proper person. Is this better?  - will fight homo-phobes something something aggressive lesbian stereotype. just say you think we’re brainless animals already i’m tired of waiting to hear you explain it and you refuse to or direct me to something completely fucking different - awkward flirt sorry you think we’re all shy widdle wesbians who can’t talk to girls without keysmashing. hope your brain gets better soon anyway thats kind of all i have to say about those in specific. let’s get into the general shittiness. - you don’t mention nonbinary people in this at all. in fact, you go OUT of your way to only mention girls. - you treat us like (shocker!) a stereotype. which is exactly what these cards do, and you shouldn’t have made them in the first place. horrible move on your part. really a bad idea. OHHH BUT IM NOT DONE YET! let’s get into the nonbinary bingo so you can understand why i want to yell at you so bad

- is out irl not all of us live in safe situations.

- “that’s not real!?” - “what’s in your pants?” - “there’s only two genders!!” - “are you a boy/girl?” - always misgendered why are all the gender bingo cards about being misgendered or having horrible things said to you? what the fuck makes you think anyone would want to hear this? genuinely why are the gender bingo cards so fucking centered around suffering? - masc/femme ( isnt femme a lesbian term? like specifically a lesbian term? i’m very tired and i might be remembering wrong.) - name is a noun - has short hair - wears a binder/bra - uses they/them - has anxiety - plans to/ takes HRT - andro-gynous - uses neo-pronouns - dyed hair ohh it’s all just a fucking nightmare isn’t it. some people are comfortable with their fucking bodies you freak. im relatively fine with mine but this card actually made me feel like i was doing something wrong for a moment because i didn’t hate my body enough. fuck you. fuck you from the bottom of my heart.  you’re completely incapable of thinking of nonbinary people as anything other than someone (skinny and white, most likely) wearing a binder with a dyed undercut. people fucking exist.  i can’t really talk much on this topic because i grew up in a very toxic western culture and i am white, but there are other cultures where nonbinary people are a thing. this isn’t a western-crafted identity, and you are treating it like one. that is horrible. EDIT: adding more to this. your view of nonbinary people is very eurocentric and westernized. that’s what i meant.  - is an artist wah wah im gonna write poetry/paint about how much i hate my body wah wah. fuck you. what a weird thing to put in a bingo space - listens to cavetown once again. these bingo cards were a fucking horrible idea. why would you ever make bingo cards from stereotypes. what is wrong with you? i might add onto this later. im tired and have not slept in a long time. these cards made me very very angry at myself because i was worried i was doing something wrong, for some reason. stereotypes are harmful.

[toreen-m]

hello, one of my followers told me that i should come here and ask you for help (it was @creepy_skull_arts ) and i was rambling about being a girl and liking my figure but i also want a pp (- penis lmao) and i kinda want a goatee and stuff like that :/ you can just go on my blog to see for yourself - but they said i might be genderfluid but to ask you for some more insight

Hello there my friend, sorry for  my (probably) late answer - Tumblywumbly does NOT like me and does NOT notify me about messages etc. WELP Let’s jump into the adventure! Which might or might not give you the answer you are searching for. This is HEAVILY my own sight and based on my feelings. This is, in no way, meant to be an Answer to all your questions. Maybe just meant to help you figure something out about yourself. I’m not a regular case. But also not a special case. Confusing, eh?  Well It will get even more confusing. I am a girl. But also not. A guy? yes. Both also, no. Do I like to stay out of this whole Gender biz? Yeah. but also- No. I am Genderfluid. Genderqueer - Nonbinary-...anything I guess? Girl? Boy? man it’s complicated. here’s the deal I also decided to just shrug and say “I am who I am I don’t need a label” Does that work for me? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Gender is a complicated thing for me. I like Make-up (since recently). I like cute and girly clothes - Skirts, dresses, etc. But I also sometimes just..don’t. Sometimes I don’t feel comfortable in cute and tradiotionally feminine clothes.  Sometimes I wear a push up bra to show off that I have boobies. Sometimes I wear a binder because “eeh....I don’t like my boobies”. Sometimes I want it all. Boobs, Vagina, Penis - all at once. Sometimes I wish to look like some mannequin doll. none of that. No vagina, no penis - no boobies Nothing. Beards? Fuck yes.  But on the other hand-...nha. None of that for me. So What I’m trying to say is... I don’t know myself what I am. What I want But what I know is that- when I want it, it’s my true feelings. Not insecurities.  Not “lying to myself or others”  I’m fluid- I’m...I don’t know. But here’s the deal. A very, very unpopular opinion, and I’m only waiting for the “hate” or whatever for saying this now but: You can  be whoever you want.  You can change your gender, your identity, whenever you want. Sometimes I’m Toreen. Sometimes I’m Tori. Sometimes I’m Reen.

Sure- you can’t change your sex all the time. There’s no way to remove body parts and stick them back on again whenever you want. And that sucks. I know. I wish I could just Shapeshift into however I want to look like Here’s another thing though If what I just said does not resonate with you - then maybe you are more set on a gender- Like I said. For me? complicated. But not “insecure” or “picky” or “special snowflake” I’m just me. I am chaotic, in a lot of aspects of my life. Guess gender is one of them. I don’t like labels but yet I keep cracking my head over them Anyways I really, really don’t know if this helped in any way. Or if this only brought more confusion to you. Perhaps even that confusion is helpful to you I really don’t know But I’m glad that you came to me for this :3

[lavender-lotion]

how about some bad day steter snuggling? x

here we are! (i really needed to get this out, damn)

Teen & Up, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire (Teen Wolf), Trans Male Character, Trans Stiles Stilinski, HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Age Difference, Love Confessions, Mates, Fluff

Read it on AO3 here!

***

Stiles doesn’t bother knocking. Peter had given him a key, and he doesn’t have the patience to stand around waiting for the man to let him in. If he’s even home. Fuck, Stiles hopes that he’s home.

He’s had a day. A…just a really challenging day. Not all days are bad, especially not lately, but. Hormones suck. Testosterone sucks. Sure, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him, but his face won’t stop breaking out and his voice won’t stop breaking and Stiles’ body has been aching for the last three days. He got into another fight with his dad which is just…it is what it is.

But he needs a break, and Peter has always meant easy bantering and, more importantly, safety. Stiles has known the Hales all his life, and they’ve been the most accepting of his transition. Probably because they’re werewolves, but Stiles is still incredibly thankful for his pack’s (and hadn’t that been a surprise, being offered an official position) unwavering support in the face of his journey.

It’s why he’s at Peter’s apartment, letting himself in and furiously ignoring the way his eyes are stinging. He knows crying is a good release of emotions, but he doesn’t want to fucking do it. Peter has always been his favourite, and Stiles likes to tease the older man that he’s his favourite too. Peter has never protested, even in jest, which has always made Stiles unbelievably happy—he may have the tiniest crush on the lawyer, sue him.

Locking the door behind himself, Stiles kicks off his shoes and then takes a moment to line them neatly beside the front door. It’s a tick of Peter’s that he doesn’t quite understand, but if he’s invading the man’s space the least he can do is make sure he doesn’t leave his shoes strewn about. There’s a certain stillness to the apartment that has Stiles believing he’s alone, and he lets his shoulders drop heavily.

Well, so much for Peter taking his mind off things. He putters around for a few minutes, riffling through the kitchen cupboards but not finding anything he wants to eat. He sighs heavily when the fridge brings the same results, closing it with his shoulders curving inwards dejectedly. Well, if there’s nothing to eat and no Peter, he might as well take a nap.

That’s something else. Stiles hasn’t been sleeping—he really has no idea if it’s because of the hormones or not—and it’s begun to weigh on him. Being tired all the time is fairly exhausting, which should be obvious, but it still takes Stiles by surprise every time he’s left struggling to stay awake in class after tossing and turning all night long.  

Peter’s bedroom is large. The whole apartment is fairly big—the Hale family has more money than Stiles can actually fathom—and Stiles slinks his way to the closet. He definitely doesn’t want to sleep as he is, and he just has to hope that Peter doesn’t mind him borrowing any of his clothing. 

His flannel slides down his arms to pool on the floor before his fingers hesitate at the hem of his t-shirt. Stiles is alone in an empty apartment and the idea of being shirtless still makes him uncomfortable. He wonders if there will ever be a time when he’s comfortable with his body and then spends a few silent moments hoping for it before he finally peels himself out of his shirt. 

He slips off his binder next and quickly slips into one of Peter’s bigger sweaters. The shirt hangs loose on the wolf, so it fits like a bag on Stiles—which is exactly what he needs today. He takes a breath that expands his chest further than he’s been able to all day, letting his lungs fill and then letting it out slowly. Stripping off his jeans, he keeps his boxers on before he climbs under Peter’s covers, sinking into his mattress. 

The pillow smells like Peter. Musky and earthy and safe, and Stiles tugs another one into his arms to curl around it. A yawn cracks his jaw and has him seeping even deeper into the soft memory foam, feeling cocooned in safety as Peter’s scent and his heavy sheets lull him into an easy sleep. 

— 

Stiles comes to with the feeling of fingers massaging his scalp. He purrs, a noise he’s picked up from years surrounded by wolves that his human vocal cords should absolutely not be able to make, and arches his back into the touch. He reaches out to find Peter’s legs, and he wraps himself around one completely, substituting his pillow with the man’s lower body. Peter chuckles, and the noise has Stiles’ heart beating against his chest.

“Well isn’t this a lovely surprise,” Peter rumbles. Stiles presses his face further into the man’s stomach and makes a happy noise when his nose meets worn fabric and not suit buttons.

Peter must have changed before he climbed into bed. Stiles is definitely not disappointed that the man is sitting against the headboard, because that would be extremely inappropriate. Instead of thinking about how much he’d like Peter to lie down with him, he snuggles closer and makes a happy noise when Peter starts playing with his hair, which is just growing out from his buzz cut. 

“M’sorry I broke in,” Stiles mumbles half-heartedly, slipping his fingers under the hem of Peter’s t-shirt in a daring moment of confidence. 

“Sweetheart, this is exactly why I gave you a key. If I did not want you here, you would not have one,” Peter assures him, saying and doing nothing about the fingers that not rubbing the skin of his stomach. 

“Still feel like I’m ‘vading your den,” Stiles says, though it’s with a smile. He’s more comforted than he wants to admit by Peter’s words.

“You will always be welcomed in my den, Stiles,” Peter tells him firmly, and Stiles’ heart skips in his chest as his cheeks heat. Sure, Peter could very well only be saying that because he’s pack, but Stiles knows that he is the only person with a key to Peter’s apartment other than Peter himself. “Oh, don’t you smell lovely,” Peter purrs, the hand on his head scratching down his neck and making him shiver and groan. “This really was such a lovely surprise, finding you sweetly sleeping in my bed.”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Stiles whispers, his voice feeling like it’s being swallowed somewhere in his chest. Peter has never commented on Stiles rather obvious crush on him, but this is coming dangerously close to an admittance Stiles is not ready for. 

“Darling I would never,” Peter tells him sternly. He pulls away, and Stiles makes a noise of distress before Peter is sliding down the bed and lying on his side so they are facing another other. Stiles’ hand is still pressed under his chest, but now his hand is flat against the older man’s chest instead of just barely touching his stomach. 

“Peter,” Stiles whispers desperately, his heart racing. Peter looks at him carefully, his eyes so, so familiar and so very kind.

“You are still very young,” Peter tells him, but it doesn’t sound like a rebuttal or a rejection, especially when he continues with, “and I am a very prestigious lawyer. I know which laws I can and cannot get around, and I fear your father’s position makes the latter a much longer list. But do not, for a single second, think that means I do not care for you, Stiles.”

“What are you…” Stiles can’t finish his sentence, hope swirling up his chest and making him feel vulnerable and weak. He doesn’t like it, doesn’t like the way he can’t meet Peter’s eyes as the man leans in even closer, close enough that he can feel his warm puffs of breath against his cheek. It feels like he’s going to fly out of his own skin.

Peter’s hand lands on his waist, squeezing as their bare legs tangle together. Peter must not be wearing pants either. “You are my mate, darling.” Silence echoes through the room. Stiles looks up to find Peter staring at him intently, his eyes glowing in the dimly lit room. It all feels like too much, and the words run over and over again in his head and make feel dizzy.  

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Stiles finally asks, hating how weak his voice comes out.

“Please believe that I did not know, darling,” Peter tells him, and his hand slides up Stiles’ back to cup the back of his neck warmly. “Your scent has…evolved since you began testosterone. I was very surprised to find that you were my mate, but I was not displeased.” Peter stresses the last bit, and it makes Stiles’ lips twitch into the barest of smiles. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Stiles admits. It feels like he’s getting everything he has ever wanted. Like every dream he’s had since he was freaking seven is coming true, here in Peter’s massive bed with the wolf inches before him. It doesn’t feel real, though Stiles doesn’t dare risk pinching himself in case it isn’t.

“You do not need to say anything,” Peter tells him firmly. “I know you understand what the term means, and I also understand that you are still seventeen. I—” Peter trails off into nothing, and Stiles finally moves closer, his own hand sliding around Peter’s back to rest between his shoulders.

“I love you,” he rushes out, the words bursting from his speeding heart. “I love you so much, Peter.”

The wolf smiles at him, a genuine twist of his lips that Stiles has rarely seen directed at anyone other than himself. Peter’s fingers scratch at the back of his neck and make him shiver, and Stiles all but melts in a boneless puddle of goop. “And I you, darling,” Peter tells him warmly. Stiles laughs a little, moving forward to hide his beaming smile and hot blush in Peter’s chest—half-covered by his shirt Stiles has pushed up. “Now, I am sorry for interrupting your nap—” “—dude, this was way better than a freaking nap!—” “—and I feel as though I should let you continue to rest. Would you mind some company?”

“I would love that,” Stiles says warmly, not moving from his spot in Peter’s chest even as the wolf rolls onto his back and takes Stiles with him. He curls into the man’s side, a smile that he can’t push down pressed into Peter’s skin, and falls asleep to the heartbeat of the man he loves, of his mate.