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caffeinewitchcraft · 3 months ago

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AITA for telling my boyfriend’s coworkers that he’s lying about his body count?

I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for four years. It’s honestly been the best relationship until last Friday when it all went down. I feel like I’m in the right, but now I’m wondering if I overstepped.

For context, my boyfriend has been a professional Slasher for about eight months now. He’s always really admired Cryptids, Monsters, and Nightmares so when his application was finally accepted, he was over the moon even if he was starting in a lower position than he initially applied for.

At his company, being a Slasher requires a lot of travel which we knew when he accepted the position. The end goal is for him to get a promotion to at least regional Nightmare (he wants Cryptid, but that position doesn’t have a lot of turnover) but to get that he needs to be in role for at least 12 months OR meet his goals for three months in a row. Once he promotes, we plan to relocate to his new region and “start talking about our future.”

(Side note: no this isn’t about him not popping the question yet. We are both in agreement that marriage comes after financial stability. I run a small business doing scare consults and, while it’s been growing, I wouldn’t call it stable yet. So neither of us are ready.)

I told him it’s completely normal for it to take a whole year before he’s ready to promote and he really should focus on adjusting to the company before thinking about next steps. I used to work for a competitor (I’ve been retired for five years now) and I know it can be hard to go from only taking the occasional human life to having to take over half a dozen a week. It’s not a light workload, no matter how easy it looks in the movies. One of my best friends Slashes part-time and she still only averages about five lives a week despite having done it for years. Especially these days, it can be really hard to meet quota. Humans are getting smarter, no matter what the Council wants us to think.

Anyway, boyfriend didn’t do as well as he thought he would in his first couple months. Totally understandable, of course, which I told him. I suggested he ask his boss if he could be put on a couple team assignments or even a duo until he got the hang of it. That was our first real fight. He thought I was doubting his ability to kill. He brought up how I told him it would take over a year to promote and how I said that this job wasn’t for everyone (His first assignment ended with a 0% kill rate, but that’s a different story). He said it felt like I didn’t believe in him and he said that if that was the case then maybe we shouldn’t be thinking about marriage so soon.

It got pretty messy after that. I felt like he was forgetting that I’d worked in the same field and, arguably, had a lot more experience (not to brag, but I averaged a 98% kill rate). Also, four years is NOT too soon to talk about marriage. He said I didn’t understand how he needed to focus on his career right now. I told him I thought he was taking Slasher too lightly just because it wasn’t Cryptid. He accused me of not respecting him and then things spiraled from there.

We both said a lot of things we didn’t mean and I’m embarrassed that it turned into a bit of a fang measuring contest. I ended up sleeping under the bed for a few nights until he coaxed me out to apologize.

It was a rough patch, but we talked it out. We agreed that, going forward, I wouldn’t offer advice unless he asked and he would try not to take so much of his frustration home with him. He took a weekend off and we went on a recreational haunting trip in the Montana woods.

Things did get better after that. I tried not to give him consults every time he came back from a work trip. He started bringing me souvenirs like roses and cursed puzzle boxes his work said he could have. It became easier just to hang out with each other and it felt like we were back to normal.

But then, four months ago, he came home super pissed because his boss put him on a PIP. (A performance improvement plan.) Apparently, boyfriend had not been doing better at work, he had just stopped telling me when he had a bad assignment. I saw the paperwork he got (he left it in the dungeon under the house, I didn’t go through his stuff) and he’s been missing quota by a LOT. As a junior Slasher, he was supposed to be executing at least 6 people a week, but he’d been lucky to be maiming half that.

Obviously, I had to talk to him about that. We rent our house and, even though I could have afforded the rent on my own, I didn’t want to jeopardize the investments I was making in my business (I was in the process of hiring an assistant to handle my scheduling). Plus, we agreed from day one that we would be 50/50 on rent and I would take care of the rest of the bills because I earned more. I felt that if his financial situation was in jeopardy, he needed to talk to me about it.

I tried to approach him a bit differently than last time. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. I told him about my slasher friend and how maybe she could give him advice if he didn’t want any from me. But he said he needed to figure stuff out on his own and that if he couldn’t get himself off the PIP then he would go back to work for his dad’s janitorial company.

I let it go. I was worried but I didn’t want to fight again just after patching the holes from the last blow out. It really bugged me that he thought I didn’t believe in him so I committed to giving him the benefit of the doubt. I said okay and asked him if he needed me to meal prep for both of us that week. He offered me grocery money, but I said it was fine since I’d had to deal with a lot of humans breaking in lately and I still had some leftover in the dungeon.

Fast forward a month. Boyfriend got off the PIP super fast. He worked his way off of it over Spring Break and started taking on a lot of extra assignments. In just four weeks he went to Miami Beach twice, New York City twice, and to three separate summer camps. I missed him and it was hard not having him around but I remembered how he said he needed to focus on his career and I tried not to nag.

It was hard not to nag though. With him gone, all the housework fell on me. We rent a 19th century manor, and its upkeep really does need two people. Doing all the chores plus running my business started to really drain me. Even when he was home, he forgot to banish the ghosts (my chore is to kill all invading humans, and his chore is to banish their ghosts) and he never took out the trash. I think he cleaned blood off the dungeon walls once, but then I had to basically redo it because he missed a lot of spots.

But still, I didn’t say anything because he was doing really well at work and I didn’t want to ruin that for him. Even when Humans started breaking in every week, I didn’t complain even though it interrupted my work day.

Last month though, I did ask him if we could move somewhere that needed less maintenance. There were just way too many Humans breaking in and I didn’t have the time to deal with them anymore. Even if I don’t do all the theatrics I used to as a Cryptid, killing humans through fear still takes a lot of time. He asked me if I didn’t appreciate the free meat, and I said I would appreciate it more if I wasn’t the only butchering it.

He said he didn’t want to move because he was really close to getting promoted to regional Nightmare and he didn’t want to take time off work to move. I was so surprised that I couldn’t hide how surprised I was. He saw and got offended. He asked if I still didn’t believe in him. I said that I did, but it was a huge jump to go from an 8% kill rate to getting promoted.

He got even more mad at me for bringing up his stats and he said that he had nearly 80% kill rate since being put on the PIP. I asked how many humans a week he was slashing and he told me I was being too nosy and that was proof that I didn’t believe in him.

I asked him if we could at least hire a ghoul then to keep the humans out of my office and he said he didn’t want to waste the money that we should be saving for our new house. I asked him what he wanted me to do then? I had to take phone calls for my consulting business and it was really hard to stalk humans all around the house while trying to sound like a professional to my clients.

He asked me to be patient for one more month. He said if he met quota for one more month, his boss said he’d get promoted. So I said fine and let it go.

Fast forward to now, almost a full month later.

Last Friday, I attended the Eldritch Conference. For those not in the scare field, the Eldritch Conference is the most prestigious event in our industry. It’s invitation only and is a chance to network with all the big players in the field. Mothman, the Jersey Devil, Bloody Mary and Bigfoot all spoke this year and both my former company, Grudge Industries, and my boyfriend’s current company, Forgotten Summer Solutions, were invited.

I was surprised to get an invite as a solo contributor to the field. However, my consulting firm has really been doing well and I did land a seasonal contract with the Yeti Co-op which I guess is how they heard about me. Plus, I’ve been a speaker before so I think the organizers knew I would behave myself.

I was planning on telling my boyfriend that I was going, but he was out of town on a co-ed sleepover assignment. He usually doesn’t have his phone on during his assignments, so I didn’t bother calling him. I just figured it’d be nice if we ran into each other at the conference if he made it back in time.

Which brings me to what actually happened (apologies for the long post).

So everything went great for my part of the day. I got to network with a lot of individual businesses and even got to reconnect with Blood Mary who I knew back in my Cryptid days. I told her I was dating a Slasher from Forgotten Summer Solutions and invited her to come with me to check out their booth. I thought it would be fun to grab dinner with her after since I assumed if my boyfriend was there, he’d be going out with coworkers which he often does. Plus, I admit, I was showing off a little. I don’t often get the chance to brag about my Cryptid days.

She agreed and we went over to see if my boyfriend was there.

I introduced myself to the people manning the booth. My boyfriend wasn’t there, but a few Slashers recognized my name and greeted me. They were definitely in awe of Bloody Mary (she came in full uniform) and invited us to look at their displays. They had portfolios for each Slasher on the desk as a sort of preview of what their services looked like.

While Bloody Mary looked through the portfolios, I chatted with my boyfriend’s coworkers. They said they were thrilled to work with him and that, even though he had a really rough start, it was impressive how quickly he started meeting his goals. Something about how they talked about his work kind of didn’t make sense. They were talking like he was killing a dozen humans a week, but he’d told me that he was at 80% on his assignments which typically only offer about ten humans each.

I asked them about it and they said that he’d been Slashing during After Hours which is a new goal supplement program his company launched a few months ago. Basically, anyone can sign up for After Hours and the company counts human kills done in uniform as part of their quota. I asked them if this was available to them while they were on assignment and they said no, it had to be done when they had down time. I asked them how my boyfriend was part of that when he was traveling all the time and they looked confused. One of them said that my boyfriend is still getting one assignment per week and is then supplementing his kill rate with After Hours.

At that point, I was even more confused. It sounded like my boyfriend had been lying to me then, because he told me that he was getting at least two assignments a week. If he was only getting one, then where was he going when he said he was traveling?

Bloody Mary interrupted before I could say anything and asked how their Slashers did their kills. They said that every Slasher at their company is required to use a standard issue weapon (like a machete or axe) for their kills to count. They said their company doesn’t count accidents as part of their quota (like falling or heart attacks).

Bloody Mary pulled me aside and showed me the portfolio she was holding. She said that she was going to give me a chance to explain without them overhearing and showed me the book. She said that a bunch of kills in it looked Cryptid kills. And she said, specifically, it looked like the kills I made when I was a Cryptid. I took the book from her and flipped through it and she was right, they really did look like Cryptid kills. Worse, I recognized a few of the Humans from the past few weeks. They were actually my kills!

Kill stealing is a major taboo in our industry.

I told her I didn’t know anything about this. She looked really relieved at that and said that even though I wasn’t a Cryptid anymore, it would look really bad for me if I was caught helping a Slasher cheat at their job. It could affect my business which she’d only heard good things about.

I’m embarrassed to say that I tried to defend him. He’s new to our industry so I thought it might be a mistake. He might not be trying to cheat, this could be a misunderstanding.

She said she didn’t think so because a mistake would be one or two of my kills mixed in with his, not the entire book.

I counted up how many photos were in the book and, all told, of the 146 kills, at least 100 were mine. I couldn’t really say it was a mistake at that point and I was just staring at his portfolio like an idiot. Bloody Mary asked me what I was going to do because, mistake or not, this looked really bad and could damage my reputation if it got out.

At that moment, another man walked up to booth and asked us if there was a problem. I knew that if I said anything, I would be jeopardizing my boyfriend’s job, but if I didn’t say something, I was jeopardizing my business.

I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count. I said I didn’t think that they knew he was doing it, but over half of the kills in his portfolio weren’t his and I suggested they remove it from their display before another Cryptid came by and realized it.

The other man thanked me for bringing this to his attention and asked how we knew. Bloody Mary said that she knew another Cryptid’s kills and I had to tell them that I was that Cryptid, though I was retired now. He asked me if I knew my boyfriend was doing this, and I told him no.

I told him I really didn’t want to get my boyfriend in trouble and suggested that maybe he didn’t know those kills didn’t belong to him because they happened in our house. I was grasping at straws and Blood Mary even looked sad for me. His coworkers looked skeptical but tentatively agreed. The man – who turned out to my boyfriend’s boss – said that they would investigate this thoroughly and apologized personally for his employee’s misconduct.

I was spiraling at that point so I thanked him and said I wasn’t mad, I was just looking out for both of our reputations. He promised to keep it between us and I agreed.

Then I apologized to Bloody Mary because I didn’t feel like eating dinner anymore. She said she understood and wished me well.

I went home and did a quick perimeter search of the property. Sure enough, there were human summoning stones ALL OVER the yard. Which means my boyfriend was intentionally luring humans to our house to get me to kill them so he could take credit. It wasn’t a mistake at all.

My boyfriend came home later that night in his work clothes. As soon he got inside he started yelling. He said he was suspended without pay and that all his hard work was for nothing.

I said I knew he’d been stealing my kills and he almost ruined my reputation. He said they still counted as his kills because he did all the work of luring the humans to our house.

I told him that wasn’t how it worked and he knew it. He said it was the same as setting a trap and I was taking this too seriously. I told him that, as a Slasher, he has to use a weapon to get his kills, not me. He said I was basically the same thing since I had such a high kill rate. I asked him if he was calling me an object.

(My parents exploited me by selling me as a haunted doll through a lot of my childhood and he knows I’m sensitive to being called an object.)

He backpedaled at that point and asked if I didn’t want to buy a house together. He said he was doing it for us and I should’ve understood and not said anything. I told him that when I was a Cryptid I had my pride and would’ve never done this.

He said I needed to tell his boss that he was the one who made all those kills. I said it wasn’t me who recognized them as Cryptid kills and now his boss knew too. He accused me of thinking I’m better than him because I have telekinetic powers and can move through shadows and can possess people, while he’s basically a human himself. I told him of course not and that I worked hard for those powers unlike him.

He got really mad at that and actually charged at me with his machete raised. I don’t think he was going to actually hit me, but I reacted like he was. It was all instinct. I disarmed him and I swear I heard a crack when I grabbed his wrist. I shoved him into the wall.

He crumpled to the floor and started crying. He said sorry and sort of curled up around his wrist. He said he didn’t ever feel like he was enough for me and he didn’t even know why I was still with him. He called himself a bunch of names and said I would be better off without him.

I sort of awkwardly stood there for a minute. On one hand I wanted to assure him that he was enough and that I loved him, but, on the other, I wasn’t sure I could forgive him. He nearly ruined my reputation, and he embarrassed me in front of Bloody Mary. Plus, I still didn't know where he’d been going all those times he said he was on a business trip and apparently wasn’t.

So I ended up not saying anything. I went to our room and started packing a bag. He followed me. He was still crying as he begged me not to go. He said he would own up to his kill steals at work and he would make it right. He pleaded for me not to leave him and that he would give up slashing.

I told him I needed space to think. He tried to grab me, but I shadow walked out of the house. I heard him screaming from outside and I hurriedly drove away.

Now I’m at my friend’s house and I told her everything. She agreed I did the right thing walking away from him, but when I asked her what I should do she hesitated. She said that my boyfriend wasn’t right to kill steal but, as a fellow Slasher, she understood what he was going through. She said I wouldn’t understand the pressure to meet quota because I was always surpassing mine when I was in the field. She said that a Cryptid could never understand a Slasher.

She also said that nobody would have found out about his kills if I hadn’t brought them to his boss’ attention. She said the only time kills are on display like that is at the Eldritch Conference and by the next one, he’d have had kills of his own. She thinks that if I’d just confronted him at home, he wouldn’t be on suspension.

So now I’m worried that I overreacted when I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count.

AITA?

----

Thanks for reading! Several amazing supernatural citizens (aka my Patrons) gave great advice to our poor OP over on my Patreon! Please go check them out here (X)

(I will definitely be posting some of them here in the near future!)

My next supernatural AITA is already up to my patrons!

It's called "AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied about his human job?"

Patrons get to see many of my stories a week ahead! If that interests you please check me out here (X)!

#my writing #aita reddit parody #third person #original fiction #supernatural #halloween #aita parody

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taintedtort · 9 months ago

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hi hi hi, LOVED YOUR HCS N FLUFFS, can we get a haikyuu hc (any characters !! hehe wouldn't mind anyone) where the reader hugs their plushies instead of like cuddling w them, and n they suddenly got jealous n pouty 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 thank you so so so much, happy writing 🫶🏻🎀

" HUG ME! "

summary. you hug your plushie instead of them

characters. kenma, bokuto, kuroo, akaashi

warnings. gn!reader, none!

a/n. hi, tysm!!! hope these characters are fine! (unintentionally did the duos on nekoma and fukurodani oops)

KENMA

☆ he got you the stuffed animal, so it’s partly his fault. however, that doesn’t stop him from glaring daggers at it whenever you weren’t looking. it’s a cat plushie, one that you’d been wanting for a while, so of course he ordered it for you. he surprised you with it this morning, and you haven’t let go of the damn thing.

kenma is currently sat on your bed playing his switch, and usually you’d be cuddling up to him… but no. you have that stupid cat tucked under your chin and pressed to your chest as you lay facing away from him, scrolling on your phone.

you've been practically ignoring your boyfriend all day! too focused on that plushie that he so kindly bought you. he thought you’d give him lots of thanks and praise, but no. ignored.

he knows he’s being pouty, and that you’re just excited to finally have it, but cmon! your arms should be wrapped around him, not a cheap stuffed animal.

he finally cracks and nudges you, which he’s been contemplating doing for a while.

"hm?" you hum, not even turning to face him, too occupied with the video you’re watching on your phone.

he grumbles something under his breath before he’s pulling on your arm, forcing you to turn over and face him.

"cuddle with me," he murmurs, pulling you close and wrapping his arms around your waist. it’s not often he initiates cuddling or hugs, so you’re immediately focused on him, a big smile on your face. your attention shift causes you to forget your plushie, leaving it laying on the bed behind you. without a second thought, he sneakily snatches it up and tosses it to the floor without you noticing.

"finally…"

BOKUTO

☆ you two went on a little arcade date, and he’d won you a cute stuffie. it was a small teddy bear, and you fell in love with it when you saw it. bokuto, of course, spent at least $30 trying to get it for you. he’s not the best at claw machines, but he eventually was able to grab it for you.

you practically jumped up and down, snatching up the toy from his hands when he held it out to you. he was rewarded with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and of course a couple words of praise that made his chest swell with pride.

however, as you continued the date, he noticed that instead of holding his arm, you were holding the plushie. you like to be wrapped around his bicep, which he loves, so when he saw the bear clutched to your chest like his arm should be, he started pouting.

"what’s wrong?" you ask, noticing his frown and the way he keeps glancing between you and the teddy. his brows are furrowed, like he’s upset.

"i’ll hold it for you," he suddenly offers, extending a hand and waiting for you to hand it to him. he wasn’t being nice, not really, he just wanted your attention on him.

he watches as you shake your head and protectively hug the bear even tighter, which makes him even more moody.

"you're depriving me! fuck that bear," he practically whines, glaring at it dramatically. you knew he was going to make a scene and be moody for the rest of the date if you didn’t switch your attention.

with a sigh, you hand him the plushie, and he snatches it instantly. he half hazardously dangles it by his side, putting his free arm out to you to hold, which you do.

"you’re so dramatic," you tease, though he doesn’t mind. his mood was instantly lifted when he felt your hands on his bicep.

"i don’t care, this is where you should be."

KUROO

☆ similar to bokuto, you two went to a fair, and he won it for you. it was a huge husky puppy, as big as half your body. you were beyond excited, usually those games are rigged and super hard to win, especially the bigger prizes, but kuroo was determined. he was super proud of himself for making you smile so big, and you praised him while hugging the huge stuffed animal, which made his chest puff out a bit.

as you two continued to walk around the fair, you kept the stuffed animal hugged to your chest, both arms around it. you honestly couldn’t hold it any other way, so he wasn’t really upset about that. he was upset that you kept nuzzling your face into its fuzzy neck. you usually do that when you hug or cuddle with kuroo, so he got a bit pouty about it.

"you like it?" he asks, though he already knew you did. his tone was a bit salty, but you didn’t really catch it, too engrossed with the husky.

"i do! he's really soft," you smile widely, turning to lock eyes with him. he’s happy you’re happy, but he sort of wishes he waited till the end of your date to win you the prize.

"i can tell…" he murmurs, resisting the urge to glare at the poor puppy. he knows it’s not your fault, he's just feeling jealous, which is stupid.

he finally just wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side as you walk. this is the best he can get for now, he’d hate to spoil your fun. he can have you all to himself when you get to his house.

"you ready to go?" he asks, secretly trying to leave quicker so he can have you in his arms, like you should be. once you’re cuddled up with him, you’ll forget all about the stuffed husky, which is exactly what he wants.

"i think it’s about time you showed me the same attention you’ve been showing that plushie."

AKAASHI

☆ he isn’t usually a very jealous person, but cmon. how can he not get a little petty when you’ve been cuddled up with that stupid squishmellow all day? he got it for you the other day when he was out, knowing you like those things. it was a medium sized one, and it was supposed to be a turtle. he thinks they look kind of funny, but he will admit they’re soft and squishy. but even so, you should be cuddling with him, not a stuffed animal. he’s here for a reason!

you're on the couch watching a movie, that fucking squishmellow sitting in your lap, with akaashi next to you. he usually isn’t one to get angry, especially over trivial things like this, but when it comes to you, he feels all sorts of things he usually wouldn’t.

he knows you like it, which is why you’ve been carrying it around, and he can’t blame you for that. he really has no reason to be upset, which is why he doesn’t necessarily voice it, just waiting patiently for the moment you come crawling back into his arms.

he does give you a little motivation though, which isn’t technically cheating! but how can anyone resist when the akaashi keji drapes his arm over their shoulder and kisses their temple?!

it worked like a charm, and you're immediately turning your head to claim a kiss on the lips, which he gives to you. it’s not a normal peck though, it’s long and deep, and it leaves you a bit dazed when he pulls away. this is all part of his plan, get you so distracted that you don’t notice when the plushie falls to the ground, out of sight and out of mind.

he brings his other hand up to your jaw, keeping your eyes on his. he never fails to make you blush, even after being together for quite some time.

"i'm feeling tired, do you want to cuddle?" he smiles, putting on an innocent façade. just as expected, you eagerly nod and follow his lead when he lays down on the couch. the turtle falls to the floor, and you don’t even bat an eye. he wins.

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cherry-hulu · 2 months ago

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Synopsis: You knew what you were doing was risky, you knew that it was wrong. But your step son just does you so good that it's hard to deny.

Warnings: KMG x reader x CSC, step-son/son!kmg, husband!dad CSC, milf !reader, oral (f and m), creampie, lactation, belly buldge, double penetration, overstimulation, reader gets called mommy, headlocked, can't even put in to words how messy and kinky this one is.

Muffled moans and slurping sounds echoes the room, with your step son, Mingyu, eating your out wet juicy cunt. You try your best to minimize the noise, afraid that your husband might catch you.

You knew what you were doing was risky, you knew that it was wrong. But your step son just does you so good that it's hard to deny.

Mingyu had two of his hands gripping your inner thighs keeping you from squirming away from him. All of a sudden a finger slides in your hole, slowly moving in and out, a thumb accompanies it rubbing the spots Mingyu wasn't licking.

The feeling of fingers and tongue lapping all over you makes you lose your senses, eyes rolling back with your hands gripping the pillow of which your face was planted into.

The hands on your thighs strengthens, planting you in place when you start to shake as the feeling of overstimulation washes over you.

But if Mingyu still had his hands on your thighs.. then whose hands were playing with your pussy?

The realization hits you, panicking when you look back only to meet with not only your step son going down on you, but also the gaze of your now husband, Seungcheol.

It was your husbands fingers that was rubbing and fucking you. A smirk builds on his face when he sees you turn your head nack to him, eyes rolling to the back of yout head as you tremble under the duos demise when you cum.

Planting your head back on the pillow, you moan relentlessly when the two doesn't stop, Mingyu aggressively licking all your juices and Seungcheol harshly circling his thumb on you with his pointer finger curling inside of you.

"P.. please.." You moan, putting your face to the side in hopes of catching their attention. "Please what hm?" Seungcheol says, his fingers never stopping and even going faster when he asks the question.

How the fuck were you gonna reply to him now? Mingyu chuckles on you when he feels your pussy getting wetter, he was so close to being deemed as pussy drunk but even so he will never complain.

The feeling was overwhelming, you begin to pant with your ass subconsciously pushing against them. "T.. too much." You manage to croak out before releasing a loud moan and squirting all over two.

But even then, they still keep going. Forcing you to ride your high. "That's enough, we want mommy conscious when we fuck her." Your step dad says pulling put of you before gripping Mingyu's hair forcibly stopping him.

Mingyu looks so debauched, his mouth drips of his saliva and your juices, eyes looking dazed high off your pussy. He wipes his face with the back of his hands before standing up to leave the room to get you some water.

Seungcheol licks the dripping juice on the sude of your thighs clean before flipping you front to face them. Your pretty pink lacey night gown was pushed all the way until your boobs, serving as the only layer between you and the world.

"Did so good baby.. gonna give us more yeah? Gonna behave and let your daddy and brother do what they want? That's what a good girl does doesn't she?" Seungcheol sweetly says to you as he trails kisses all over your body before finally taking off your gown leaving you naked.

He licks his lips around your tits leaving them wet and sloberry before reaching your lips to give you small but sweet pecks. You look just as dazed as Mingyu when he pulled away, only that you look more on the dumb side.

Your husband smiles when you look him the eyes and do your best to nod at him. You were so easy. They love it.

Seungcheol was anything but dumb. He knew what was going on between you and Mingyu, knew about your late night endeavours. He noticed everything.

Noticed when you were secretly giving your step brother head with him in the living room during the duos movie night.

Noticed when he was 'helping' you with doing the dishes, when in reality, he has your dress pulled up exposing your cunt while he slowly fucks you with either his dick or his fingers.

Noticed how you adjust yourself when you were sitting on your step sons lap, moving to perfectly slot his dick between your pussy lips and moving forward and back to rub yourself on him when you had to sit on during a road trip.

Noticed Mingyu's glistening lips after he comes out of your shared room, completely ditching the breakfast served by his step mom because he 'already ate'.

He was supposed to be mad and upset that you were letting your step son go down on him when your relationship had no problems.

He was supposed to be angry when he saw his son eat you out in his bedroom because the two of you thought he was gone for work.

But for some sick reasons, he wasn't. He actually loved it. His dick got fucking hard everytime he connected the dots when Mingyu fucked you. He knew he was a fucked up man with fucked up fantasies, but he never knew it was possible to live them. So when he saw the opportunity, he took it with all his heart.

He watches the way you look up at his son with your eyes when he assists you in drinking the cup of water he brought back for you. You looked so slutty and submissive, with your boobs hanging out, it was so tempting to suck on them.

And suck on them he did. Seungcheol moves towards you, laying you on the headboard to suck your boobs. Your hands found itself to his hair rubbing and gripping it while you moan.

Mingyu joins in not long after, sucking your other boob, hands resting on the flat of your stomach imagining what if he and his dad put a baby in you. He wondered who the baby would take after. Maybe it could be twins, one of his dad and one of his.

"My boys.. treating mommy so well." You moan throwing your head back, both hands now twined between their hairs tugging and pulling.

Seungcheol was loving this, sharing his wife with his son was not on his mind whatsoever when he got married to you but alike his son, he was not one to complain.

"Fuck what?" Mingyu curses deatattching himself from your boobs when he feels a different taste on his tongue.

Seungcheol's eyes widen he tastes it too, sucking hard on your nipple and it just keeps coming. He pulls away as well and was met with the view of your boobs.. leaking with milk.

Their eyes widen at you while you bite your lips groping your tits, you weren't pregnant but there are some cases when you would lactate during sex. This was the first time the two had witnessed it. "You like it?" You say seductively, spreading your legs at them.

You were a sight to see. Boobs messy and filled with milk, pussy wet and dripping, basically presenting yourself all for them to enjoy.

"I fucking love you." Seungcheol mutters before diving in to kiss you harshly on the lips. Mingyu goes back on your boobs sucking aggressively eager to taste your milk.

Your husbands hands found its way to your cunt spreading it before leaning down to blow on it making you shiver. "Just to let you know, we're not gonna stop until we put a baby in you." Seungcheol says slapping your cunt.

You couldn't tell whether he was serious or not. But judging from your previous talks about pregnancy and him wanting a daughter, it probably was serious...

Seungcheol leaves the bed to strip himself showing his full glory, begore coming to his son to remove the last piece of clothing he has on before he was naked.

Now all three of you were exposed, two big and hard dicks stand before you and you bite your lip at the sight. Mingyu deattaches once again, using his tongue to clean his lips this time.

They slap their dicks across your face smiling to themselves when you close your eyes and wrap your handa around the two of them. You alternate sucking the tip of their cocks before being forced to swallow Seungcheol's dick.

"Awhe dad!" Mingyu pouts when his dad does so. "Greedy fuck. Mom already gave you head earlier, you even got to eat her out." Seungcheol rolls his eyes as you suck his dick, talking casually as if you weren't giving him head with his equally hard son in the room.

"Yeah but you already got to fuck her today!" Mingyu complains even more even raising his hands. "You can fuck mommy now baby, I'm already prepped for you." You say looking at him in the eyes as you lick and suck the sides of Seungcheol's dick.

The three of you adjust your position, with you on your fours in the middle of the bed. Your husband in front of you fucking your mouth, and his son behind you protruding you pussy.

"You already know she likes it. Go crazy and make her loose until she can fit two." Seungcheol says to his son while pushing his cock deep down your throat leaving you with no room for reactions except for a teary and eye choking sounds. Your husband looks down on your widened eyes smirking after he says that.

Mingyu nods with a smile on his face, giving your pussy a good few taps with his dick before finally pushing in. He bottoms in you on an instant, your cunt immediately adjusting to his familiar size.

The two moves rhythmically on you. When Mingyu would thrust in, Seungcheol would go back, ensuring that you were never left unnocupied. You were already on your second orgasm for the night and you'd barely even started.

Your cum gave Mingyu more freedom to move, the squelch of your pussy and the sounds of skin clapping only further intensifies at that. His hands explores the back side of your body as if worshipping it.

"Doing so well for us Mommy, I love you." Your step son moves to kiss your neck now harshly thrusting in you with his hands playing with your clit.

Your throat tightens around Seungcheol when you feel him cum deep down inside of you. His cock staying in your mouth completely plugging it preventing any possible spills. Mingyu follows soon after, digging his cock deep and cumming inside of you.

Mingyu sits back on his legs, pulling you up to sit on his thighs, cum still dripping from your mouth and pussy. "Fucking whore, bet you love this don't you? Your husbands cum in your mouth and his sons cum leaking from your pussy?" Seungcheol curses opening your legs for them.

Your eyes were half lidded and as always you just nodded at what he says despite being incoherent to you.

Mingyu kisses down your neck, leaving his own set of hickies and Seungcheol follows sucking and bruising your body all over. "Ours. No one elses." He mutters licking all over you before stopping at yout boobs to suck it again.

You stay like that for a while, the fwo worshipping your body and slobbering all over it.

Their dicks hardened in no time, slowly they stop adjusting your body to accommodate the two.

Mingyu rubs his dick from behind you befoy slowly lifting your whole body, lining up his cock and dropping you on it like it was nothing. You moaned and rolled your eyes backwarda when you feel his dick immediately hit your g spot.

Your step-sons hands wrap around your waist moving you back and forth helping you ease him in, before leaning your whole body back on him and spreading your legs for his dad.

Seungcheol slots his hard dick in between your pussy folds getting all wet and sloppy. He puts a finger in first, stretching the sides of your cunt with Mingyu's dick still in you. Then he adds another, and then another, and another until it was four fingers in.

He stretches your pussy out first leaving you a moaning mess, gripping Mingyu's biceps as he does so. "I think that's enough, 'no?" Mingyu says to his dad.

"Just say your impatient." Seungcheol grunts but agrees inwardly. He positions himself in front of you, nudging the tip of his cock first teasingly before finally pushing in.

The stretch was unfathomable leaving you in tears. Mingyu, ever so sweet, coos at you telling you praises and sweet nothing while his dad pushes in. "A little bit more mommy, doing so good, so well for us. That's a good girl, c'mon be good for us." He whispers to you kissing your neck slowly.

Finally the two had fitted inside on you, Seungcheol rubs your clit to ease the feeling. "Good job." He says kissing your forehead.

They waited patiently until you nodded before slowly moving. They had created a rhythm just like earlier, never leaving you empty.

Their dicks formed a bulge on your stomach showing two outlines of their cocks. The view made them quicken their pace loving the way two different cocks alternate on your belly.

You couldn't stay still on Mingyu's lap overwhelmed by the pleasure making Mingyu put you in a headlock trapping your face in between his biceps making you sit still.

You came much earlier than them shaking relentlessly but it goes unnoticed because the two just keeps going. Chasing their own highs not caring about your sobs, whimpers, and pleas as you become overstimulated.

You could barely form your words, unable to warn them when you squirted, completely cock drunk. But they did not seem to care, even going at a faster pace when they felt the liquid gush all over them.

You were basically just a fuck toy for them, fucking and treating as they please. But in no waya did you mind. It felt so good, knots keep forming and releasing on your stomach, your chest heaves as you pant.

Your husband had his head thrown back, veins popping on his neck while sweat drips all over his body, swerving around his abs and chest.

Your step-son was the same, whimpering and groaning in your ear, eyes rolled back from the pleasure.

"So close mommy.." Mingyu whimpers groping your tits adding milk to the liquids drenching your body. You just sat there completely cock dumb, not thinking about anything except for cock, cock, cock, cock.

Mingyu stills when he cums deep inside of you again, his headlock tightens around you chocking you from breathing. A loud groan comes out of Seungcheol when he cums as well, not long after his son.

Cum leaks from your pussy despite two dicks plugging you in. It was too much to contain. You tremble even more when you squirt again hands scrambling finding for something to grip.

Seungcheol holds your hand in his, pushing in deep to secure himself in.

You stay like that for a while, the duo peppering you with kisses and sweet praises.

"We might welcome a new member to the family soon, we're pretty heavy cummers." Seungcheol chuckles, feeling the bulge on your stomach and the now sludgy feel due to their cum mixing inside.

"Got that trait from you. The big dick as well I guess." Mingyu rolls his eyes when his dad smirks, cocky fucker.

Slowly, the two pulls out of you, leaving your pussy gaping from having two dicks inside. The cum drips down wetting the sheets, you looked so messy and fucked up.

Eyes halflidded, body covered with different liquids, cum dripping out of you. An embodiment of a wet dream.

The two were more than proud to say that all of it was courtesy of them.

1K notes · View notes

pha55ed · 20 days ago

Text

PR Nightmare Two || F1/F2

type :: crack

tw/cw :: pee (carlos), sexual jokes (charles, oscar), watersports (lando), small smut (lando), mpreg (lando, oscar), bear fucking (ollie), necrophilia (ollie),

contains :: carlos, charles, lando, oscar, max, ollie, paul

summary :: driver!reader is the driver's teammate which is awesome! except the fact that you're a fucking pr disater who can't shut your mouth. platonic or romantic !

xmas celly here! || f1 masterlist || f2 masterlist

Carlos Sainz | 55

After moving to Williams, Carlos was terrified that you and him wouldn't click. But was quickly proven wrong as you were extremely open despite just meeting him. He knew everything about you... Too much...

Yet again, you were trapped in an interview that was seemingly never-ending. This interview was live on Sky Sports, meaning you both had to be extra careful and stay on for much longer than usual. Although Carlos was tired, you weren't. Yapping would have been your full time job if it wasn't for your skills in Formula.

"What is a secret you haven't told each other?" The interviewer asks, expecting something along the lines of 'I ate your ice-cream once' or 'I hate when you wear crocs'. Carlos was going to reply with something similar to that but you quickly jumped in.

"I wanna pee in the ice bath so bad" You said with a desperate tone, as if you were grieving the pain of not being able to bathe in your own piss. Carlos looked at you in shock.

"What?!" He asked, his shock turning to laughter to help cope. "But you never did right...?"

"Of course not holy shit." You say, disgusted he would think so lowly of you. "But I wanna see how my pee would react the muscle-relaxants and ice and shit. Like what if I become the Hulk but yellow-"

Quickly the camera were cut and the live stream ended before you could say more. You ruined an entire live stream with over 20,000 live viewers. From that moment, Carlos knew you two would be perfect together on this team.

Charles Leclerc | 16

Doing small interviews didn't bother Charles that much. He didn't mind talking and his fanbase was lovely. But once you became his new teammate at Ferrari, interviews were now 10 times more fun.

"Did you guys have any embarrassing childhood crushes?" The interviewer asked, finally giving you both non-racing related questions.

"Oh yes!" Charles said, excited to talk about himself. "Definitely Kristen Stewart haha! Not very embarrassing, but I did watch Twilight just for her."

"That's so valid" You said relaxed, "I think mine was probably 9."

Both Charles and the interviewer looked extremely confused. "From what show...?" The interviewer asked, assuming it was something like the Umbrella Academy or Stranger Things.

Now you were confused as well, "Huh? There's no show." You repeated yourself. "9, as in the number... Like the circle and line."

"Oh..." The interviewer said, trying their best to find a way to segway this into the next question but they were cut off by Charles.

"No way," Charles said, "Maybe! MAYBE I could understand the number 8 but 9???" Now the interviewer was completely lost. "At least 8 has curves and a body, what does 9 have?"

"I know he's packin" You said with a grin "That little curved tail, curved UPWARDS? And the-"

Cameras off. Interviewers cutting you off. And Charles was deeply interested... This clip launches your duo name: Eight Eat Nine

Lando Norris | 04

"How are you helping (Y/N) adjust to being a new Papaya!" The interviewer asked innocently. Little did she know how much Lando has been enduring with you. Thankfully he recored it all and there would be a video posted to Youtube soon.

"Awful." Lando says before chuckling, almost more like a nervous break down chuckle. "Every day is hell with em' here."

"What???" The interviewer asked, thinking she got first-hand access to the newest gossip on the grid. "Did something happen?"

"YEAH." Lando said, simply nodding, not having the guts to say what you did. Thankfully, but not very thankfully to Lando, you walked into the interview after overhearing it.

"Yeah, what DID I do?" You ask, almost sounding threatening. "Don't make me show you again."

After weeks passed and rumors were rampant online. Rumors about you blackmailing him, overthrowing his family's business, kicking him out of Mclaren, and so so many more extreme rumors that you both were laughing at. Lando finally edited and posted his newest Youtube video: "Reading Fanfiction with (Y/N)!?"

Despite the thumbnail seeming like you two would be reading fan-fiction shipping you both together, instead, you found the most vile, borderline dark content, gay fics of Lando with a variety of drivers.

Thus, explaining the odd dynamic between you two. In reality, you both were perfectly fine and closer than ever. But you just wanted to play up the drama in order to rack up some views and tweets. It was awful for the PR team, but to you guys: it was funny.

Oscar Piastri | 81

oscarpiastri: got a tan and a new helmet: ready to destroy the next half of the 25' season! @.mclaren

→ yourusername: finish taking that shirt off. now.

→ yourusername: take off your pants too while your at it.

⎯→ user 01: OH MY GOD (Y/N)?????? UNDER A MCLAREN TAGGED POST TOO????

→ user 02: they're never ever going to beat the dating accusations

⎯→ yourusername: we're about to be dating once he comes home

→ user 03: thought i was a freak but (y/n)... u can have him

→ yourusername: my lovely wonder-bread, bend over for me.

⎯→ user 04: i thought this was a joke about his name sounding like pastry but she's just calling him white, isnt she

⎯→ user 05: that's her precious white chocolate delight

→ yourusername: gonna get ur fine ass pregnant

→ yourusername: raw. next question.

⎯→ user 06: i can't tell if she's tiktok typa horny or tumblr typa horny

⎯→ user 07: definitely tumblr...

No image. I'm not searching this shit up again.

Max Verstappen | 01

Tiktok is something Max tries to stay away from. Not that he hates the app, he'd just rather do something else with his time. But you, the newest and youngest driver on the grid, loved Tiktok. You were basically the marketing for Redbull despite your out of pocket videos at times.

And that included you coming up with the idea to have Max react to fans posts. An innocent idea that Max didn't mind filming content for, after all, he loved his fans. But you quickly were going to make him doubt that.

You were smart, showing him innocent tiktoks first. Fan art, cool edits, and even analysis on his best drives. As the video was coming to an end, you brought up the trend where drivers were compared to a food and a quote.

Often times Max was compared to a key lime pie, bell pepper, or an energy drink. But you then showed him THE strawberry slideshow. You knew what the ending was.

"Oh strawberry!" Max said, excited to finally get a sweet themed item. But as he swiped and saw the strawberries then coated with white chocolate, obviously implying something, he jumped back and gasped. "OH!!! Well, I didn't... I didn't expect that."

While you were dying, already posting it - he was traumatized.

Oliver Bearman | 87

Interviews were fun between you both, fans always loved it. Mainly because both of you can't keep your mouth shut. The only way to make your interviews even worse is to get Franco to join in with you guys.

But unlike Ollie's sassy comments, you asked stupid questions. Butt fuck stupid questions. Which Ollie always took serious. Think of Tom Holland answering the question about him "faking" being British or Theo Von's podcast vibes. It was the dumb American x understanding Brit duo.

So when you both were forced to create a "podcast" for Prema, aka a race preview, you both took full advantage of this time. You were supposed to be just folding laundry, but almost nothing got folded. It was just yapping and yapping.

"I got a question," You say, attempting to fold a shirt but doing awful at it.

"Hmm?" Ollie replied, picking up the shirt you just folded and undoing it. Only to fold it properly himself.

"Why is your name Bearman?" You ask. "Cause like, I know British people got like, My Little Pony names. Like how people named Smith's were blacksmiths and stuff."

"Oh well," Ollie paused to think, "I dunno actually. It's from my great grandpa so."

"Did he fuck a bear or something?" You ask, nonchalantly while Ollie instantly is confused. "Cause lowkey, back in the day I bet Bearman was a slur."

"No..." Ollie hesitated, "I highly doubt my grandpa fucked a bear. I think we probably just hunted bears-"

"So you're a family of necrophiles?" You shake your head, "That's just wrong man."

"I never said that-"

Paul Aron | 17

paularon_: Went for a run, in Italy, with a film camera🇮🇹🎥

→ yourusername: is it say yes to the dress or say yes to the SLUT???

→ yourusername: is this your soft launch for your only fans?

⎯→ user 01: i'd so buy it tbh

→ yourusername: pepemartiofficial kimi.antonelli olliebearman jakcrawford_ zane.maloney isackhadjar dennis_hauger

⎯→ paularon_: why are you @ ing the whole grid

⎯→ yourusername: to slut shame you

→ pepemartiofficial: did you lose your shirt over the summer?

→ olliebearman: go eat a burger (save somes baddies for the rest of us)

→ jakcrawford_: we get it, ur buff with a huge dick

⎯→ user 02:: how do u know that…

⎯→ yourusername: I can vouch for

→ isackhadjar: put a bra on slut

⎯→ yourusername: I don’t even think mines will fit him

#f1 #f2 #formula 1 #formula 2 #f1 x reader #f2 x reader #carlos sainz x reader #charles leclerc x reader #lando norris x reader #oscar piastri #max verstappen x reader #ollie bearman x reader #oliver bearman x reader #paul aron x reader #xmas celly!#formula 1 smau #formula 2 smau

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necrotic-nephilim · 5 months ago

Note

@an-android-child listen your argument is perfect because all jokes aside when you're discussing a character like Bruce Wayne who's existed for nearly a century of on-going content there is going to be so many versions of him that it's hard to discussion him as a whole because you have to pick some sort of baseline. what is to me a terrible father figure based on the canon content I consume could be a great father figure based on the canon content someone else consumes so he's always fluctuating and changing. and while yes I prefer and think it's more "in-character" for Bruce to be flawed I can't discredit the opposite argument because something something the inherent nature of the art of comic books as a medium. HOWEVER COMMA

when we are discussing *Batcest*? There is *no* version of Batcest ships involving Bruce -BruDick, BruTim, BruJay, BruSteph, etc- where I think Bruce should be a good person. like my personal vision for *any* of these ships is built on the foundation of how terrible Bruce is to all of them. My Batcest ships are dependent on my Complicated Asshole opinions about Bruce. I think if healthy Batcest floats your boat I am cheering you on bc I totally get it, happy married couple BruDick does pretty well fit their vibe sometimes (particularly if you're using a Pre-Crisis or Rebirth framework where they get along The Most) but I want them unhealthy and toxic about each other. Dick and Bruce are That Couple™ who break up and get back together so often you have to text to ask them if you should send them joint or separate invitations to your Christmas party and by Christmas the relationship status has changed again. They are *so* deeply devoted to each other. They'd die for each other. They'd try to kill for each other and have the other half stop them. They also are only on speaking terms every other week. and 99% of the time Bruce *is* the problem. he's incapable of treating those he loves kindly because his hyper-vigilance is what drives him as a person.

and then with BruJay, honestly what better ship than those two, to depict the dynamic of loving someone to the point of possessive devotion but also wanting to change quite literally everything about them. Jason needs Bruce to be willing to break his moral code to prove he loves Jason. Bruce needs Jason to be a version of himself he's not anymore. they're so possessive of each other. they also can't stand each other because Bruce won't let himself believe anyone but him can be right about these things. i think BruSteph falls into a similar vein tbh, though with Steph i think she's less about wanting to change him and more about just wanting to push back and change how he sees *her*. someday I'll convince this fandom to ship BruSteph more tbh bc i think it's *rife* with problematic dynamics of Bruce being the Worst to her bc of all the power dynamics and her refusing to just take it, pushing back against him.

and then. and then BruTim. not to have favorites but if a ship has Tim it's going to be a favorite. these two are terrible for each other. i think viewing their history through the lense of shipping is so fascinating when you consider Tim's choices and how he feels Batman needs Robin. imo BruTim is one of those ships that's codependent on a past history of BruDick, even if it was one-sided. because if Batman needs Robin and Bruce and Tim end up in a weird relationship, that means the need for Robin relies on Bruce's need to be kinda Weird about Robin. is it consensual? yes. but consensual in the way of Tim considering the risk/reward ratio of essentially being a lamb to slaughter for Bruce. offering himself up in that way because if it's good for Gotham, he'll sleep at night. and then of course you add the respect Tim has for Batman and how Bruce takes advantage of that (sometimes even in canon) to get Tim to do what he wants. it's willful codependence on Tim's side, and Bruce just accepting this random kid as the next Robin and them slotting into a Weird partner/mentor/mentee/lovers/therapist relationship. and Tim being the first Robin Bruce has to have parents that are alive and he has a decently healthy relationship with, there's no pretense of it being father/son or Tim being a ward like with Dick or Jason. there's less of a reason for Bruce to need to hold himself to a "fatherly" standard around Tim, which i think shows in a lot of Tim's comics. so they're more openly Weird with each other and i like that a lot.

anyway sorry for infodumping on you but your comment gave me a chance to just run my mouth about dirtybadwrong fun ships. so ty this was delightful to get into.

If you want to be bothered. Maybe this for dick and Bruce???

i ALWAYS want to be bothered these are always the highlight of my day tbh you're a delight for letting me just yap <3

Dick. For the canon isn't real square I am Specifically talking about the Tom Taylor Nightwing run. Usually I ignore bad runs but given this one is ongoing (though about to end THANK GOD and get replaced by Dan Watters who i have high hopes for since i adored his Sword of Azrael (2022) run but i digress) so I counted it. Especially since it's so debated if that run is bad or not, for some reason. I'm a 90s Nightwing truther. I love Dick so dearly and tbh recently I've been more enamored with him the more I read his Discowing era, I didn't used to be as big of a Dick stan as I am these days.

Bruce. Honestly where do you even start with Bruce. I want to fist fight him and also patch him up. He got me into comics and superheroes as a whole but I roll my eyes whenever he shows up in a story. He's a bastard and usually not a good father but also complex and should be dissected under a magnifying glass. I love him dearly. He's also just the worst. I think that's why I love him. I'm always a fan of unabashedly Complicated Asshole Bruce who's generally not always the best person, particularly not to the Batfamily and that being the driving force of his relationships with them, especially in shipping.

And for bonus points, Tim. Because know above all else, I'm a Tim Drake kinnie /deg. He's been my number one for a decade and I've yet to uproot him from my brain. He's literally the Worst half the time and I love him for it. And the canon isn't real refers to Tim Drake: Robin because... that sure was a comic. And that's about all I can say about it. Pre-Flashpoint Tim I miss you so dearly. I think it's fun that I want to put him in a blender and drink the juice but also want Nothing Ever to happen to him.

#reblog #batcest #brudick #brujay #brutim #brusteph #necrotic festerings #it is ridiculously funny to me *this* post has a strange amount of traction #the brujay meta I posted with panels and sources? barely noticed. rip lil guy #this silly character bingo? ah yes. this is what does well.#either my silly opinions have hit home for ppl or tumblr gods just thought this would be a funny joke #I'm totally not complaining btw I think this is delightful #anyway someday i'll really post a nuanced brutim meta using panels and whatnot #btw I *am* steadfast on the opinion that in canon tim's parents are loving and do an okay job.#neglectful and sort of clueless? yeah that's a given #in order for your character to be a teen superhero and they not notice there needs to be some accidental neglect #but they loved him. janet drake loved her son so dearly.#even at jack's *worst* he and tim still make up and express deep love for each other #even tim's step mom really loved him. (what happened to her btw I miss her.)#I don't mind exploring the neglect in fanfic bc even I find that an enjoyable trope #but in canon let's be so clear they loved him so much and did their best #anyways #good dad bruce and good partner bruce in batcest ships are fun to witness sure #but that's just not my bruce #he's a fucking mess.#like the entire concept of “batman needs a robin” exists on the precipice a grown man needs a teenager to therapize him #which obviously is just bc of the history of comics and the dynamic duo being iconic #and writers giving teenagers a character to project onto #so for serious meta I don't take that too seriously as a judge of bruce's character #it's a convention of the genre

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mellowwillowy · 1 year ago

Text

𝐓𝐖𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Feat: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, Lilia Bonus: Floyd, Jade, Jamil, Rook, Epel, Malleus

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle’s face was almost as red as his hair, not out of anger but rather…

[Oh my gooodddd, stomp those tiny feet again, Riddle! Give me that pout~]

Really… should he do it again? Out of nowhere? Well, let’s take a walk to where you clicked then…

[Yaahhh!! So cuteeee!!!]

Well at least you didn’t think him badly for being angry out of nowhere… whoops, he wasn’t supposed to idle like that.

Ahh, why are you moving on to another character? Cater? That good for nothing? The naughty ADeuce duo? He's almost turning from red to green in envy!

Leona Kingscholar

Leona was supposed to be ticked to the brim but definitely not with you. His ears are red from your nonstop rambling while you keep on poking his avatar right on his ear.

[I wonder how it feels like to play with his ears, ah, maybe I should help you clean it too?]

Don’t. Twitch. Ears. Else the player might notice this and question this one new idle.

[Thinking back, I kinda wanna try stepping on his tail like Yuu too~]

Don’t. Swish. Tail. What? Is he a masochist or what? Well, if it’s for you then he wouldn’t mind it.

Wait wait, why are you checking out Ruggie and Jack now? Hey, what do you mean Ruggie has cuter ears and Jack has a fluffier tail? Why do they look so proud? Are they asking to be minced?

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul might break out of the avatar restraint now. You’ve been talking about how you want to squeeze the kid him, round and plump, you quoted.

Why did you find his past appearance adorable?

[Honestly, I kinda want to lift him and his hiding spot and boil him as a takoyaki filling]

Now that made Floyd and Jade snickered. Azul was internally panicking but his avatar did not show him breaking a single sweat.

[Or maybe gather all his ink whenever he cries]

For your pen?

[But I do think squeezing his plump octomer form is the best~ Oh well, he had lost all those baby fats]

And back to how you ramble about his round self again. This was supposed to be disheartening but why was he blushing?

Wait wait, don't look away from him, no! Why are you going to Floyd? And Jade too? He knew Floyd won your heart but allow him to worm into your heart at the very least. Please let one of his three hearts rest in you!

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim was nodding non-stop at your ramblings, or should he say, wishes. He was really happy that you were taking him as your magic lamp!

[And then, I want you to lace my body with lots of glitters, made of gold!]

No hard task, he just had to grind all that gold into some sort of fairy dust for you!

[Oh! And I want to try swimming in a pool of golden coins like Uncle Scrooge! I wonder if it'll hurt and uncomfortable as I think...]

He was in the same boat with you. You'd have to be careful when diving into the pool! But you can try sleeping on it though you should be careful, just in case the coins swallow you whole!

[And a carpet ride every night~]

Roger that! Tell him more of your wish, will you?

Eh? Why do you stop wishing? No! He will guarantee you that he will make it all come true! Please do not doubt him! Ah... it's because you two are in a different dimension? Screw this barrier that separates you two then.

Vil Schoenheit

Yes, he knew he was unworthy of your praises but he couldn't help but enjoy bathing in it!

[Look at your hair... and that make-up! Wow... truly is the fairest one of all!]

Oh please, no matter how much you compliment him, he could never compete with you beauty-wise! You would always be the true fairest one of all!

[Aha! Look at those heels too, contribute a lot to your height, and make you look so pretty!]

Even a prominent actor like him can't cover his natural reaction which was the growing blush on his face!

Eh? Rook? What does he have to do with him? Too in love with his words more than the beauty in front of you right now? No no no, you must look at him only and no one else!

Idia Shroud

If anything, he was glad his hair did not turn pink! From the way you kept on poking his avatar and patting his head, it made his heart tickled. He was no longer stuttering because the system wanted him to, but because he himself was nervous!

[Oh, show me that one illustration... Kyaaa! Why must you be so cute biting on your sleeve??? It's so inviting!!!]

Ah? That one? He couldn't help but feel embarrassed as you zoomed into his face and examined his hair. Truly, this was too much for his heart!

[Oh oh, and your masquerade costume is so pretty! It makes you look so pretty ffs!]

Ah, it was pretty uncomfortable to wear but he's glad he didn't take it off, not like he can do that anyway. The system won't allow that after all.

Everything feels nice so why are you changing character now? Wait wait! Have you checked his other card? No no no, why is that little shortie fae here? Don't close on him, please! He might want to try hacking your phone soon!

Lilia Vanrouge

Oya? You'd like to dress him up? Kukuku, looks like green and pink would work well on him~

[And... I think we can try curling his long hair, can we change the hue from red to pink like a color wheel?]

...Curling his hair didn't sound bad. Maybe he should try it sometimes and see if it suited him.

[Oh! And I'm gonna hang him upside down like the bat he is! My cute little bat, let's fist-fight!]

You really are an enigma huh? One moment is a sweet and docile lamb then the next moment you are a bull. Hm? Malleus? Why talk about him so sudden? Didn't you say he is your number-one favorite from Diasomnia? So why are you looking at someone else now?

𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒:

Floyd Leech

God of Shrimpy~ Keep on poking him, he loves it! Ah, you love his teeth? And his droopy eyes? And his laugh? Hehe, you really love everything about him huh?

So why do you even bother looking at the others? He's going to hug you tight for this silly!

Jade Leech

Ah, he is quite the gentleman, no? Hm? You'd like to keep him as your butler? Why that is quite the generous idea that you allow him to manage your daily life~

With a small dose of love potion in your daily tea every day, he's bound to have you in his arms soon, well, if he ever finds a way to pull you into this twisted wonderland.

Jamil Viper

It truly is an honor to be considered as someone reliable (from babysitting Kalim) and acknowledged as an attendant who could shield you from any danger, truly. He is ready to put his life in line for you so why?

Why are you saying that there's someone else who might fit the position as your attendant more than him? And that person being that slimy eel no less!

Rook Hunt

Ah! This is amazing! To be able to charm you with his words and let him worm into your heart is truly a blessing! Would you like him to write you a poem detailing your beauty?

No no, mon chèri, you shouldn't grace those who are unbefitting of it, don't you think it's a waste to spare the other your grace? Allow this hunter to save you from that trouble.

Epel Felmier

H-huh? You want to dress him up? Naturally, he hates being treated as a doll, a girl no less! But... the idea of you helping him dress and helping him with makeup... he can do this. It is your way of gracing him after all...

Huh? You want to dress Lilia up too? Why? Because he's cuter? Oh no, there's no way there's someone who is prettier than him, look at him, look at how pretty he is in this dress!

Malleus Draconia

If anything, he will always hear you compare him and Riddle to the 'Queen of Heart' and 'Maleficient' from your world. You will praise him for being able to stand on the same level as the actress' beauty which makes him feel giddy.

But boy is he sulking when you start rambling about Riddle and the big-headed Queen. You will dote on him and Riddle back and forth.

Can't you just dote on him?

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