#which basically means she probably got to the middle of the first book

[hybridirl]

i’ve never done this before…

18 + only, please!

ellie x f!loser!reader

a/n: so basically i was on janitor ai because i’m genuinely an addicted freak and this was inspired by a chat i had :3 im also replaying tlou2 bc i cant stop i need it i need it i need it. also i think a LOT more things make sense now, so i think you should replay after u play it.

brief summary: ellie is ur big sister’s best friend! but, unfortunately you’re dubbed an “annoying little sister,” your sister’s not home, ellie’s high when she comes over, and ur a loser nerd who can’t deal with confrontation :(. (au if it wasn’t obvious!)

tw / DUBCON?, ellie is very mean, degrading, praise, pet names, reader is a virgin, small age gap if you really squint, porn without a plot, rushed sex, scissoring (tribbling?), use of y/n i think…

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ꪆৎ ˚

with a grunt, you pulled your pajama pants up the rest of the way. you were headed to the door after hearing seven hard knocks on the door.

“hello—“ you began, cutting yourself off when you see ellie, your sister’s best friend. “ellie?” you glanced behind her, then behind yourself. “she’s not home right now.”

“yeah, yeah,” she slurred, and your lips went into a thin line from her state, so obviously intoxicated. “she told me come ‘n wait. she’s gettin’ her shit rocked, ‘r whatever. she dropped me off ‘ya know? said you wouldn’t mind. you don’ mind, do you?”

being such a caring person had its ups and downs. you weren’t fond of ellie, and she wasn’t fond of you. she had been your biggest bully throughout the entirety of middle and high school. but, you couldn’t deny her entry. she could get hurt or worse, and you didn’t want that. or to be responsible of it.

you adjusted your glasses, eyeing her with a thoughtful look. her eyes were halflidded, red, and she smelled disgusting. she eyed you right back, her stare almost intimidating.

“no, ellie. i don’t mind,” you said begrudgingly, stepping aside to allow her in. you watched her make her way around the all-too-familiar home while you shut the door. you mentally prepared yourself for tending to her needs; you knew she’d tell if you hadn’t. you also prepared for the anger she would inevitably feel. she was an angry person when intoxicated. you leaned against the door and watched her opened the fridge.

“what do you got?” ellie asked, shutting the refrigerator and looking at you. “what’re you gonna make?”

“i don’t know,” you responded and took a glance at the stove. you hadn’t noticed what she took from the fridge, only gasping when you heard the familiar sound of a beer opening. “hey, hey, hey! that’s my dad’s!” you watched ellie shrug and give you a “so what?” look. “stop it, that’s not good for you!” you rushed over, reaching for the beer, but her rough hand kept you in place as she chugged it down. “ellie, stop! you’re already high, that’s gonna make it worse; ellie, stop!”

“and what the fuck do you know?” she asked as she slammed the beer bottle of the counter, “you stupid fuckin’ loser, what the fuck is wrong with you? i’ll do what-the-fuck-ever i want. you’re such a fucking lame-ass, you won’t even take a lil sip o’ this thing,” she stuck the beer can up to your mouth, which you turned away from, “that’s what i thought, you stupid bitch. you’re probably a virgin, too, huh? you don’t even try- nobody even tries for you. no man, no woman, no whatever. never been in a relationship, never been in fuckin’ nothing. you are such a fucking loser.”

your jaw was slack, almost looking like a fish out of water as it tried to shut and open.

“you’re too high for this,” you said slowly, still shocked at her words. you took a step back, your back pressing against the island counter.

“you don’t know the first thing about ‘too high,’ jackass. bet you never had a dick in you before. too busy studyin’ your stupid fucking books to be the good girl you are. can’t even do this because you’re always bein’ a teacher’s pet, always bein’ a goody-two-shoes, know it all, fucking bitch. probably got a few toys like the desperate freak you are. maybe a dildo? nah, you want that pussy t’stay tight, huh?” you thought it couldn’t get worse than the insults before, but this was insane. your eyes were wide, shock filling your features.

“ellie!” you gasped in horror and embarrassment, “i— i’m calling my sister!”

“you’re a fucking snitch!” she giggled, pointing at you. “she doesn’t care what the fuck i’m saying to you. she’s too busy slutting herself out to give a fuck about your pathetic ass, baby.”

“go away, ellie,” you whimpered out, eyes at the ground. you attempted to push past her, but her hands gripped your wrists. “please.”

“you’re not getting rid of me,” she growled, her beer-breath filling your nostrils, “you’re a goddamn joke. i’m not going anywhere ‘til i’m good ‘n ready. you just know i’m right.” she leaned in, her lips brushing your cheek as she whispered deep into your ear, “you just want my hands all over you, don’t you, y/n? i’ve seen how you watched me. you want a real woman’s hands on ‘ya. all of over your pretty body, hm?”

“no,” you whispered right back, your brows furrowed. this was your sister’s best friend. this was just… wrong; you couldn’t explain it, but it wasn’t right. and she was high! she didn’t know what she was doing, what she was saying, but her touch felt so…

“don’t you lie to me,” she huffed her breath hot in your ear, “you wanna get touched bad. you know you do. you want my hands slidin’ down your pretty panties and touchin’ that clit. make you cum all on my hand. you want that, don’t you?”

“ellie,” you almost moaned out at her dirty talk, your brows knitted together in conflict. your hand went to cover your mouth as her hand slipped beneath the waistband of your pjs and simultaneously your underwear.

“let it out, baby,” she told as your hand muffled a broken moan, “you’re already so, so wet for me. this pussy’s just beggin’ for my touch, huh?” her finger-pad ran across your clit and your knees buckled. she giggled in response, a lazy grin plastered on her face. “mm, ya feel that? this’s what y’ve been missin’ out on with all that nerdy bullshit you do.” her fingers slipped easily inside you, making your eyes roll with pleasure; another moan escaped your throat. “y’so tight. just like i thought.” she pulled her fingers out, quickly giving them a lick before tugging your bottoms down. “oh, baby…” she moaned at the sight, licking her lips as she took you in. “look at that pretty pussy. mhm, ‘n all f’r me, huh?” she knelt down, getting face to face with your cunt. “answer me.” she kissed at your inner thighs. all you could do was watch, trembling under her dominating touch.

you yelped, jumping in surprise as she bit your thigh harshly.

“i said answer.”

“y-yes! all for you, ‘s all for you,” you whimpered, whining as her mouth finally met with your drooling pussy. your resolve had slipped away, only thinking about that needy, touch-starved vulva of yours. “oh, ellie…” she grinned as she watching you come undone, your fingers slipping into her hair and tugging at it. she lapped and lapped at your clit, tongue running circles around the sensitive bud. she gave it a last kiss before she pulled away, smirking at your distress.

“preview, baby. all that was. go to your room, m’followin’ you.”

you were anxious to walk, taking just a moment before giddily rushing to your room. the masculine woman easily followed your direction, shutting the door hard behind her as she pulled you down to the bed with her. her hands were immediately on you as you lay atop her, caressing and running down your back, cupping your ass and squeezing.

“you’re so ready for me baby, aren’t you?” she asked with a small smirk playing at her lips. “you wanna grind that pretty pussy on mine, don’t you?”

“i-i’ve never done this before, i-i don’t know what to do,” you admitted, although she already knew your circumstance.

“makin’ me do all the work, you pretty lil pillow princess?” she teased, that same lazy grin on her face. she easily flipped you over, watching your eyes widen in surprise. “god, how are you so perfect…” she moaned softly to herself, her hands running down your sides, down your legs, and down your calves. she reached her jeans, unbuttoning them and tugging them down quickly. you gulped as you eyed her pubic mound, her dark hair trimmed finely.. she lifted your hips up, appreciating your vulva once more. she used her thumb to lift up your clitoral hood, bending down to meet the pearl with her tongue. “mm, god, i can’t get enough of you. pull your shirt up, wanna see those tits ‘ve been wantin’ to see.” you did as you were told, quickly pulling your nightshirt up and showing her your breasts. a groan left her throat as her hands reached out to touch them, tweaking and rolling your nipples between her fingers.

“please,” you whined, your head tilted back. “please, ellie…”

“oh, i know you’re so needy, huh? never done this before? never been touched so good by another girl b’fore, huh?” ellie teased once more, and all you could do was nod. it was all true. “say it, baby. tell me how much of a loser you are.”

with an embarrassed grimace, you obliged, “i-i’m a big loser. ‘ve never, ever gotten laid ‘n i wanna… oh!” you gasped as you felt the sensation of her pussy meet yours. “ellie…” her hips ground against yours, your clits bumping and running across each other.

“you like this? my pussy all over yours?” she growled, rolling her hips to meet your cunt. “fuck, you’re so wet.” you moaned out, your hands trying to find a place to stay as they flailed. they gripped the sheets and you watched above as her pussy slid across yours. you both glistened with a thin layer of sweat, your bodies becoming hot with arousal. “you feel so fucking good.”

“yes,” you cried, “more.” and she gave you more, her hips rolling with fervor while you writhed in pleasure. “p-please— ellie!”

“yeah, scream my name you little slut,” she purred, her auburn hair sticking to her sweaty face. “let ‘em know— let the neighbors know you’re finally getting laid.”

you continued to moan her name, completely drunk on this feeling. she let out small little ‘just like that’s’ as your voice echoed off the walls of your room.

it was intense, your bodies moving together and so perfectly in sync. sweat dripped from her forehead onto your belly, slightly coating your skin. her hands gripped your chest as she ground against you, the position slightly awkward, but pleasing nonetheless as your heats mushed together in symphony. sloppy squelches filled your ears, almost drowned out by your moans and cries as she took you.

“i’m gonna,” you began, tears welling up in your pretty eyes, “i’m gonna cum, ellie!”

“yeah? right on my pussy? cum right on my pussy, baby,” she moaned, her hands reaching her cup her own breast. you moaned, following her command like a dog as your canal contracting around nothing, costing her slick folds in all your essence. your body convulsed as you came, and the sight forced a moan out of her throat. “yeah, that’s it, my good girl, fu—ck… i’m cumming!” with her orgasm following in suit, she gripped your leg hard, riding out her orgasm as you tried to come down from your own. you whined from the overstimulation, feeling her arousal spread out on your flesh. she shushed you, her index finger on your lips as she calmed her breathing. she dropped your leg, plopping beside you with a grunt.

“t-that was good,” you said to her, your eyes lingering on her glistening face.

“mhm, now you get to brag to a—ll your nerdy, little virgin friends that you,” she jabbed a finger, “got laid.”

“you’re mean,” you huffed, a little pout on your face. she smirked, bringing a hand to the back of your neck and bringing you in to kiss.

“yeah?” she chuckled, “but you like it.”

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Unpredictable-Limoreau x black!fem!reader fic

A/N: I was inspired a lot by the Bama Rush documentary and couldn't get the idea of a sorority girl in GOD U out of my head. Let me know if you want a part 2.

Warnings: some swearing

Words: 5.2k

Series Masterlist

Future probability cognition, the ability to see potential future outcomes, was usually a nice power to have. At 7, I knew my parents were going to get divorced before either of them considered filing. At 9, I knew my mother would focus all her energy on the agency. At 12, I knew that my older brother would take a head of surgery job in Buenos Aires, escaping the chaos at home. Despite this history, nothing could have prepared me for my second year at Godolkin.

The first day back on campus was uneventful: I survived a grueling early morning Pilates class that I envisioned would put me in Sydney’s, the Si Chi president, good graces and, later in the afternoon, I settled an argument between two Si Chi juniors by predicting that brunch would be the most successful rush event.

Being (one of) the first black high-ranking members of Si Chi could be a full-time job.

As I was re-reading the chapters for Brink’s class, my V-Phone buzzed with a text from Leah, one of the seniors in the sorority.

L: Do you know Emma?

I quickly typed back: Which one? Wallace or the girl who got the botched nj in SK?

L: Neither. Short girl with curly blonde hair. She’s here 4 u.

The yelp that left my mouth would have been embarrassing if anyone else was in the house study room. Quickly, I tucked my book under my arm and ran into the ivory and wood-paneled foyer complete with Tiffany crystal chandelier and faint instrumental piano music playing through the Bluetooth speakers. At the door, Leah’s arms were crossed over her lavender babydoll dress as she smiled fakely at Emma, who looked more apprehensive than usual.

“Emma, hi, I thought I told you to text me when you got here!” I greeted as I approached the two.

Emma’s expression relaxed when her blue eyes landed on me. “Sorry, I got distracted and then I got lost trying to find you.”

I glanced at Leah, who shot me a questioning look. “Thanks, Leah, I can take it from here.”

Leah shrugged, turned, and teleported into thin air. Emma’s eyes widened again as she stepped further into the house and I closed the door behind her.

“Sorry about Leah; she’s cagier than usual because she couldn’t get a refill on her favorites,” I explained.

“It’s fine, I’m just glad you aren’t like that,” Emma admitted.

I paused to finally hug her and she nearly crushed me as she wound her arms around my middle. It felt like forever since I had seen Emma, even though it was at my dad’s annual 4th of July barbecue. When I pulled away, Emma eyed the book in my hand.

“You’re reading before school starts. Nerd,” she teased.

   I playfully pushed her shoulder. “We’re in college, we have to take school way more seriously now. Besides, a requirement for Si Chi is at least a 3.8.”

   Emma tapped her chin. “Let me guess, you have a 4.0.”

  I smiled and tugged her further into the house. Of course, I had to give her a tour of the house and introduce her to the girls we passed. When we finally got to my room, Emma collapsed on top of my pastel blue comforter, dropping her bag on the matching rug.

  “I know Si Chi is a top house, but you basically live in Barbie’s Dream House,” Emma beamed. “How do I get in? What do I have to do? I will do literally anything or anyone.”

   I rolled my eyes and set my book on my desk. “I’m glad you like the place but, you haven’t even met your roommate yet. What’s her name again?”

  Emma pushed herself up on her elbows with a huff. “Marie Moreau. I tried to find her on social media, but she doesn’t have any: No X, no TikTok, not even an obligatory Facebook.”

  Social media presence was basically a requirement at GOD U these days so it was a bold move for someone to show up without any. It could mean Marie was hardcore about her studies or…

  “She might have strict parents,” I pointed out, sitting next to Emma.

  Emma raised an eyebrow. “They better not be weird, cult-y parents. I guess that would be my luck too: have a psycho roommate my freshman year.”

   “Hey, no one could have had it worse than me: a slob who always had boys over and threatened to gut me in my sleep,” I argued.

   “But, you saw all of that coming,” Emma argued.

   I shook my head. “Only the part where she stood over my bed with a knife in hand.” I sighed and pressed my hands into the covers. “I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that ever again.”

   “Really, because some of these girls are giving unhinged,” Emma replied.

   “The nice thing is I either pick up on the signs or ‘see’ their breaking point,” I explained.

   Emma nodded and pushed herself off my bed to start exploring my room. As she started messing with my checkered Moschino teddy bear figurine, my phone buzzed on my desk. When I grabbed it, I saw it was a video call from Cate.

   “Hi, what’s up?” I greeted, holding the phone at the most flattering angle.

   “I’m trying to entertain myself while Luke preps for training,” Cate admitted.

   “What, you’re not totally entertained by your star boyfriend?” I teased.

   Cate rolled her eyes. “No, I can’t wait for this to be over. You’re coming, right?”

   I shook my head. “Sorry, we have a rush event at the same time, including a choreographed dance.”

  “Ooh, did you choreograph it?” Cate asked.

  “I might have helped a little.”

  “Well, I’m pissed I’ll miss it but make sure to have someone send me all the cute videos and pictures,” Cate requested.

  “Sure.”

  There was some yelling in the background and Cate rolled her eyes.

  “I have to go but we’ll talk later.”

  “Bye!”

  When I hung up, Emma was staring at me with her mouth gaping, the teddy figurine dangerously close to slipping from her grasp and onto the hardwood floor. I crossed the room as quickly as I could and carefully placed the figurine back on my dresser.

  “Emma, I love you but if you break anything, I will lose it,” I warned.

  “You know Cate Dunlap?” Emma asked slowly.

  “Oh, yeah, she’s my peer mentor. Dean Shetty paired us up last year since our powers are similar,” I answered.

  “So, you’ve met Luke Riordan? Like, you’ve been in his presence?”

  “Yes,” I answered slowly.

  “And you didn’t faint or throw up from his glory?”

   “Emma, he’s a regular person. His powers are insane but he is also human, just like us.”

  “No, I’m a regular person. Luke Riordan is, like, a demigod or something. Is he better looking in person?”

   I hesitated and busied myself with grabbing my rush outfit from my closet and setting it on my bed. Then, I stared at my shoes, feeling Emma’s eyes bored into the back of my head. I closed my eyes and focused on the event tonight, the potential sounds and people. Seconds later, I got a decent image of my Si Chi sisters and I dancing in front of the house, surrounded by freshmen girls in Princess Polly and House of CB. I focused all my energy on looking at our feet and tried not to groan when I saw red high-top Converse.

   “Every time,” I muttered as I opened my eyes.

   Two more years, just two more years of going along and I would reap the benefits: a strong ranking, a decent contract, and my pick of the most eligible supes. I just had to keep playing the game.

   I grabbed my platform red Converses and set them in front of my bed, sheepishly turning to Emma. “Yes, Emma.”

     She squealed. “I knew it!”

     I laughed at her joy as she bounced in her Vans. “Go to the training today and see for yourself.”

   Emma’s expression deflated slightly as she walked closer to me. “I wish you could come, you could introduce us!”

   “There will be a next time,” I stated.

   “Promise?” She held up her pinky and eyed me as I slowly wrapped my manicured one around hers. She opened her mouth but was cut off by an alarm going off on her phone. “Shit, I have to go film a video!”

   “You’re still doing Little Cricket?” I asked.

   Emma shushed me loudly and her eyes filled with panic. “Not so loud and definitely not in this house!”

  The girls probably already know all about it, I thought.

  I flipped my waist-length box braids over my shoulder and laughed as she rushed towards the door. “You don’t know where you’re going, let me walk you out!”

  She paused for a split second and gave me some time to catch up to her. However, I led her through the quickest route back to the front door and she gave me a quick hug before she took off. I laughed as I closed the door behind her.

  “Some things never change,” I mused.

   When I got back up to my room, I realized she left her backpack and groaned. She would have to learn to be more responsible if she was going to survive more than a week here. So, I grabbed my purse and her backpack before traipsing the campus. Fortunately, Emma had texted me her dorm information before she got on campus.

   “In case of an emergency,” she’d insisted.

    The freshman dorms were not as bad as I remembered them but I cringed at a few musty speedster jocks I crossed in the hallway. A brief premonition helped me duck to avoid an ice user’s power going out of control when I finally made it to Emma’s door. First, I rapped on the door three times.

    “Emma, it’s me, you really have to keep a better eye on your stuff!” I called.

     After a few seconds of no answer, I knocked again.

     “Seriously? I can’t always be looking after you,” I teased.

     Finally, the door swung open, revealing a pretty black girl with big brown eyes and long brown dreads that were pulled partly away from her face. Her eyes widened at me and I smiled.

     “Sorry, I’m looking for Emma, she left her bag in my----”

     Emma cut me off, appearing next to the girl, “I was wondering where that went, thanks!” She grabbed the bag from me.

    “Oh, uh, come in,” the girl said, stepping aside.

    I nodded and wandered further into their dorm. It was small, like most freshman dorms, but Emma’s side offered pops of color and coziness. The other side was more basic, probably because the girl just moved in.

   “Marie, this is Y/N, my best friend, Y/N, Marie,” Emma introduced as she plopped onto her bed.

    I turned to Marie and extended a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

   She hesitated slightly before shaking my hand. “You too.”

  “Don’t worry, Marie, you’ll get used to her hotness,” Emma advised.

   My cheeks warmed as I whirled around to my friend. “Emma!”

   “It’s true!”

   The embarrassment floated in the pit of my stomach as I faced Marie, who looked somewhere between surprised and amused. “Sorry about her, she speaks without thinking.”

   “It’s okay. How do you two know each other?” Marie asked.

   “Her mom represents me,” Emma answered.

   “Oh.”

   “She’s the one who helped encourage me to make a YouTube channel and is helping me get into more commercials until my big break,” Emma continued.

   I sighed as I sat in Emma’s desk chair. “We’ve known each other since I was four and she was three.”

  “Do you want to be an actor too?” Marie asked.

   I shook my head. “I tried it when I was little but it wasn’t for me.”

   Emma’s eyes lit up and she sat up on her bed. “You should have seen her, she was so cute! She was that toddler in that one diaper commercial----”

   “Emma,” I softly begged.

    Marie laughed. “Now, I’m curious.”

    “Please don’t look it up, it’s not worth it anyway,” I insisted.

    Marie shrugged and sat on her bed. “My curiosity might get the best of me.”

    “Why did you have to mention that stupid commercial?” I whined at Emma, who laughed at my pain. “Anyway, what’s your major?”

     “Crimefighting,” Marie answered.

     I straightened up. “Me too.”

    “So, you’ve had classes with Brink? How is he? What’s he like?” Marie rambled.

    “Well, he’s really tough on first years and makes his tests almost impossible to pass,” I admitted.

     “Really?” Marie asked.

     “But, I can help you if you want; I did pretty well last year,” I offered.

     As soon as the words left my mouth, I questioned where they came from. Marie was a complete stranger, yet she was one of the easiest people to talk to. Normally, I stumbled over my words in front of new people, and this was…new.

    “That would be great, thanks,” Marie replied.

     Emma leaned forward. “Y/N, you are way too modest. She was in the top ten of the first years last year and she has a peer mentor and meets with Brink on a regular basis.”

     Marie snapped her attention to me. “Wait, what?”

     I shook my head. “She makes it sound more impressive than it is.”

    “No, I’m not; she hangs out with the Top Five all the time.”

    “Top Five?” Marie asked.

     Emma and I turned to her, stunned.

     “You don’t know what the Top Five are?” Emma asked slowly.

     Marie shook her head, growing tenser the longer we looked at her.

    “Godolkin ranks all the students based on their Q score, which is basically the strength of their powers, academics, and social media engagement. The Top One Hundred are the only ones published every day,” I explained.

   “And the Top Five are the only ones everyone really cares about since they’re the ones most likely to make it into the Seven,” Emma added. “It’s on the GOD U app.”

    “I don’t have a phone,” Marie admitted.

     Emma balked at her. “How have you gone this far in life without a phone?”

     Marie shrugged. “My parents wouldn’t let me have one.”

     “What about emergencies?” I asked.

     “Someone else always has one,” Marie countered.

     Something was off about her statement and I knew that if I focused on it long enough, I would get a premonition about her. However, I decided that it would be rude to do that in conversation and tabled it for later.

    “You’ll get through it,” I said.

    “So, what ranking are you, Y/N?” Marie asked.

    “Last I checked, I was number twenty,” I recalled.

     Marie and Emma’s eyes widened at me, and I shrunk a little under their gaze. It really was not that impressive considering how intense the nineteen other people above me were.

    “That’s amazing!” Emma cheered, leaping off her bed and hugging me.

    “How did that happen?” Marie asked gently.

     When Emma pulled away, I replied, “Well, right before summer break, I had a premonition about a case Brink had the class working on all year.”

    “You solved a crime?” Marie concluded.

     “I just helped with a tip,” I insisted.

    “Please, Y/N, don’t act like you haven’t solved cases before,” Emma stated.

     I narrowed my eyes at her and Emma smirked in reply. Marie held up her hands and shook her head.

    “Wait, as in plural?”

     “It’s really not a big deal. With all the forensics, psychology, and ethics classes you’ll take, you’ll be solving them too.”

      Marie looked unconvinced but did not push it. “So, what’s your ability? I’m sorry if that’s rude to ask.”

     “No, it’s fine. Future probability cognition, I can see potential outcomes for the future,” I explained.

     “That’s amazing,” Marie complimented.

      “Eh, a lot of times it means I get blurry images in my head but it’s helpful sometimes. What about you?”

      “Blood manipulation.”

       “Whoa, no offense, but that is such a supervillain power,” Emma thought outloud.

        “Emma!”

         “I said ‘no offense’!”

        Marie laughed. “It’s okay, I get why people would think that.”

       “Can you give us a demonstration?” Emma asked.

        Marie nodded and grabbed a switchblade from her cargo pants’ pocket. In a graceful motion, she cut one of her palms and held it out in front of her. Seconds later, a circle of blood floated in the air like water, swirling each way. Marie smiled at our expressions and the blood slowly flowed back in her palm and the mark healed.

       “That was awesome!” Emma cheered.

       “I think Brink will like you,” I added.

      “Thanks. I think it’s your turn, Y/N,” Marie said.

       I hesitated. “Well, mine is definitely not as impressive as yours and I can’t promise I’ll see anything…positive.”

     “That’s okay,” Marie insisted.

     “You can use me as a demonstration,” Emma offered.

     I turned to her and closed my eyes. My mind wandered to images of her face and the sound of her laugh. Eventually, I saw an image of her rolling around her dorm bed with some guy. Then, all of a sudden, she was small and---     “AAAH!” I jumped from my seat, both underclassmen looking at me confused.

     “Is it that bad?” Emma asked.

     My eyes looked everywhere but my best friend and my hands unconsciously flexed. “Whatever you do, do not bring a guy here in the future.”

   “You don’t want me to get laid?”

   “I don’t think you would want to experience what I just saw.” I shivered at the thought.

    “Have your powers made you respond like that before?” Marie asked.

     I nodded. “It’s rare, though, and I have help to get a handle on it.”

     Slowly, I sat down and focused on the orange circle rug on the floor. Suddenly, I wished Cate was there to wipe that premonition from my memory. My stomach churned and I swallowed thickly.

     “Oh, Marie, you have to come to the training with me today,” Emma announced.

      “What training?”

     “The Top Five have public training at the beginning of every year. This year, Luke Riordan is up first,” Emma explained with a grin.

       “Luke’s a big deal?” Marie asked.

       “Hell yeah, he’s number one!” Emma chastised.

        Marie turned to me. “Are you going?”

        I looked up at her and wondered if she seemed kind of hopeful. “No, I have to do rush tonight.”

      “On top of everything else, she is also the secretary of Si Chi, the top sorority on campus,” Emma bragged.

      “Wow, are you always this busy?” Marie asked.

     “Not always. Things calm down once rush is over.” My phone beeped in my bag and I grabbed it. “Speaking of which, I have to run and get ready.”

      “But you already look nice,” Marie commented.

      “Thanks, but I need to be up to Si Chi standards. Have fun at the training and Emma, please try not to act up too much.”

      “I can’t control what will happen once his clothes burn off.”

       “What?”        I shook my head. “I’ll see you around.”

    The next day, I was shocked awake by a series of texts from Emma.

          E: Emergency, pls come 2 my dorm.

         E: Srsly, Marie needs ur help.

    Immediately, I wondered my Marie would need my help. When I reached out to Emma last night, she was busy gushing over Luke and never mentioned any issues. Also, I didn’t see any posts about her on social media which calmed my nerves.

    After texting her I would be there soon, I slowly pushed myself to sit up in my head and pushed my silk sleep mask up over my scarf. Then, I meditated for a few minutes, breathing through all the chaotic thoughts and scenarios that included strangers and people that I knew. Just when my temples began to throb, I stopped and made my way into the en-suite bathroom.

   About thirty minutes later, Emma shoved her dorm room open and pulled me in. She was wearing a gray GOD U t shirt and matching shorts, her curly stuck up in random places.

   “Where the hell have you been?” she whispered.

   “I got here as soon as I could,” I defended. “What’s going on?”

    Marie stood from her desk, a deep frown on her face, and made her way towards us. “I’m not in any Crimefighting classes; it’s all performing arts!”

    I cocked my head to the side. “That’s weird. Can I see your schedule?”

   “It’s on my phone.” Emma handed it to me and I started scrolling through Marie’s schedule.

   “Did you register for any performing arts classes?” I asked.

   “No, I registered for all the first-year Crimefighting classes,” Marie insisted.

   The frustration was thick in her voice and I wondered what was keeping her from punching a hole in the wall.

   “Is there anything I can do?” Marie asked.

   “Sorry, I don’t know. I’ve never heard of this happening.” I paused for a moment and smiled. “But I might be able to help. I have a meeting with Brink today and if you come with me, I could introduce you and we could get this all figured out.”

   “Really? Do you know how it will go?”

   “Let me try.”

   I closed my eyes and focused on Brink, the Crimefighting building, and Marie. The images were as blurry as a Monet up close and all the audio was muffled as if everyone was speaking underwater. When I opened my eyes, I shook my head at Marie.

   “Looks like it’s up to fate,” I commented.

   Marie deflated and I did not know whether to comfort her or not.

   “I’m sending good vibes your way,” Emma offered.

   “Thanks, we’ll need it,” Marie replied.

    As much as I wanted to push back, I did not like not knowing how this would turn out. My heart drummed in my ears later that day as we walked to the Lamplighter building. At the very least, the sun was beaming on everything, making Godolkin look shinier than usual. It was the perfect day for the white cherry-printed sundress and denim jacket I wore with platform white sandals. My braids flowed freely around me under the cool breeze.

   When we walked into the building, I let out the breath I did not know I was holding in.

   “You okay?” Marie asked.

   “Yeah, why?” I replied.

   “Your heart rate picked up,” she observed.

    I paused and looked at her. “You can hear my heartbeat?”

   She nodded. “Sorry, I know that’s kind of weird.”    “Nothing’s weird at this school but, that’s good to know,” I assured.

   I made a mental note to be more intentional in meditation as I led Marie to Brink’s office. The Lamplighter building was practically empty since most students were sleeping off hangovers. However, Jordan Li wasn’t most students and was at their usual post, the desk outside of Brink’s office, eyes focused on their laptop. They were in their feminine form, hair slicked back in a low ponytail.

   A small smile etched its way on my glossed lips at the sight and I turned to Marie, whose eyes widened at Jordan.

  “Let me do the talking,” I whispered.

  “Sounds good,” she answered, nodding.

  As soon as we got in front of Jordan’s desk, I waved my hand in front of their face to no avail. With no choice, I grinned as I slammed my hands on the desk and called their name. Immediately, Jordan jumped in their seat, yanking their earbuds out as they exclaimed an expletive.

    I laughed as they rolled their eyes at me.

   “Seriously, freshie?” Jordan commented.

   “You can’t call me that anymore, I’m a sophomore,” I sang.

   “It doesn’t have the same ring to it,” Jordan teased.

    My cheeks warmed at their words and I gripped my Longchamp tote closer to me in an attempt to get a grip on myself.

   “By the way, I loved your little dance from last night,” Jordan added.

   “You saw that?” I rasped.

   “Rushtok is so big that no one can escape it.” Jordan glanced at their laptop. “You’re early, as usual.”

   “I like to be punctual but, I also have someone who might be your new favorite freshman,” I replied.

    “Impossible,” Jordan scoffed.

     I nodded to Marie, who slowly moved to stand next to me. “This is Marie Moreau. Marie, this is Jordan Li, Brink’s TA.”

    Jordan glanced at Marie, a smirk disappearing from their face. “Hi.”

    “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you. You’re so awesome; your powers are incredible,” Marie confessed.

    Jordan smirked. “I’m glad I impressed a freshman.”

    Marie looked taken aback and glanced at me.

   “I brought Marie with me since there’s been a mix-up. She applied for Crimefighting but she’s in all the performing arts classes. So, I was thinking that you’d be able to help,” I explained.

    Jordan looked back at their laptop and started typing again. “I know, I’m the one who rejected her.”

   Their words hung in the air and I could feel a lump starting to form in my throat. As smart as Jordan was, they were either unaware of how deeply their bluntness could cut or they did not care. After knowing them for a year, I began to lean toward the latter.

   “What?” Marie muttered.

   “Why?” I questioned.

   “She has no social media presence and, even though her scores are decent, she needs a following,” Jordan rattled.

   “Isn’t that a little biased? Do you know what her powers are? If you knew, I think you would be open to making an exception,” I argued gently. “Besides, she can still get a following online. With her face, it will take no time.”

    As soon as the comment left my mouth, I froze. I had no idea why I said that, maybe Emma’s tendencies had rubbed off on me.

    “Sorry, the decision’s final.” Jordan did not sound apologetic at all and I thought I saw them trying not to smirk again.

   “You can’t do that. Let me talk to Professor Brink,” Marie requested.

  “There’s no point, he leaves all admission decisions to me,” Jordan said. “You should learn from your friend. Y/N here has ten million followers across her social media and solved the Glasgow Ripper case and a twenty-year-old cold case before she got here.”

   Marie whirled around to me. “You solved the Glasgow Ripper case?”

   “I just gave them a tip and it was supposed to be anonymous,” I muttered.

    “Nothing is anonymous with Vought,” Jordan countered. “Plus, you led them to key evidence.”

    “They would have solved it…eventually,” I admitted.

   Based on my original estimate, it would have taken them three years and I always felt horrible whenever they showed the victims’ families on the news. The tension in the space was thick as Jordan and Marie glared at each other. I wracked my brain for something, anything to say.

   Fortunately, Brink took care of the tension when he burst out of his office, gun in hand, and shot at Jordan. Marie yelped as Jordan switched to their male form and absorbed the shot.

   “Wow, every time,” Brink admired.

   “If you keep it up, I’m going to run out of shirts, sir,” Jordan replied, smiling.

    Brink turned to Marie and me. “Oh, Y/N, you’re here, early as always.”

    “Hi, Professor Brink. How was your summer?” I asked.

    “Busy. And yours?”

    “Good. Um, Professor, I don’t want to take too much of your time, but this is Marie Moreau and there was a mix-up with her schedule,” I started.

    Professor Brink nodded and turned to Marie. “Is that so?”

    Marie quickly explained the dilemma, narrowing her eyes at Jordan but was able to stay as calm and professional as possible. I glanced at Professor Brink’s expression and while he looked pleasant, I dreaded his words.

   “Well, if Jordan rejected you, that’s final. I trust their judgment,” Professor Brink affirmed. “You can serve as a hero in many ways; Crimefighting is a select group of students who show high aptitude in several areas. That does not mean anyone else is less valuable. Maybe we will see you on Dancing with the Stars one day.”

   Marie’s face fell and her body tensed. I might have started crying if I was in her position but her eyes stayed dry. I gently put my hand on her shoulder.

   “We’ll figure something out,” I muttered.

   She did not look convinced and as I politely followed Brink into his office, I prayed that I would get some sort of helpful premonition. Then again, why did I want to help this girl? I knew her for less than twenty-four hours. Nothing was making sense.

    Later that day, I practically ran a hole into my bedroom floor as I ruminated over my next steps. My meeting with Brink was unremarkable and I couldn’t stop thinking about how to get Marie into crim. She was obviously a strong hero in the works, even if Jordan didn’t see it. One way to help would be to get her into a decent house on campus since that was one of the only viable routes outside of making it into the Top 100 to get noticed on campus. However, Marie did not strike me as the sorority type.

    Then again, I could help her with donors at fundraisers since they loved throwing their money to make themselves feel better. As I thought, my mind somehow circled back to Jordan. It was fun getting a rise out of them after everything last year. They were not as rude to me as they were to Marie, but they were still terrifying last year. They always had a critique for someone and had reduced numerous kids to tears before the first semester ended. Somehow, I impressed them last year and they started being nicer to me. It probably also did not hurt that I had befriended Cate.

    “Ugh, it’s hopeless!” I huffed, plopping onto my bed.

    Even when I tried to get premonitions, there was nothing helpful; just Jordan and Marie arguing while I attempted to settle things.

    What was this year turning into?

      My phone rang, jolting me from my thoughts, and I answered without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”

    “Do you have any rush shit tonight?” Cate asked.

    I sat up and eyed her in the video call. “No, all the presidents and VPs are meeting tonight so we’re on our own.”

   “Great, so you’re free to go out with us,” Cate concluded with a grin.

  My heartbeat picked up at the thought of going out with Cate and the others. Any time I went out with them always ended in an interesting story, from the time Cate got us all out of a really embarrassing ticket to the time Andre and Luke drunkenly dueted “Never Gonna Give You Up” in a Korean karaoke bar.

  “I know that face, you’re thinking too much,” Cate warned.

  “Not in a bad way, in a good way. Where are we going?”

  “Don’t worry, just wear something hot and meet us in the parking lot at ten.”

  “Okay.”

  I hung up and set the phone on my dresser. Maybe this would help me clear my head or get me out of my head. Sometimes the thoughts could be suffocating but I would get a break tonight. I closed my eyes and wondered what would happen tonight. Slowly, clear images of a dark club and the sound of a thumping bass flooded my mind. The club was crowded but I saw myself dancing with Cate and…Marie?

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Copying over my thoughts about Nosferatu (2024) feeling more in conversation with Coppola Dracula than either Nosferatu film— primarily because Tumblr DMs simply do not have a search function, and I would like to keep it to look back on

I’m probably going to have to rewatch to have firmer opinions. But at the moment:

For me the biggest departures were in the character of Count Orlok and the general narrative style and how the film imparted its themes

In the former case, I personally felt he was pretty squarely just Dracula. In the book, Dracula is narratively presented more as a force of nature than a fully dynamic character. He’s introduced at his most like human and approachable in the Jonathan at the castle segment, and then from that point on he’s less and less present as a character, rather than something terrifying that’s happening to the protagonists

Both earlier Nosferatu films, by virtue of having a much smaller scale of plot, end up with Orlok being more present for the run of the screen time. I feel he is also more dynamic? I associate that character more with like shame, deprivation, and a compulsive element to sexual repression and therefore sexual desire. There’s something very raw and nearly vulnerable about him between both Schrek and Kinski’s portrayals

Dracula, by contrast, I associate more with power, and control, and the themes of deviance presented more through excess. As the progenitor of Orlok, the above characteristics are present in him as well. But Nosferatu, and Orlok are basically like black out poetry to Dracula. In pairing down other elements, and emphasizing specific things, the end result is very different

In Eggers’ film, the emphasis on Orlok demanding Thomas call him by his proper title, that they are not equals, and that Orlok is his lord, and the later emphasis on the power he has over the Renfield character (I cannot remember his name lol) all feel decidedly Dracula esque, where the focus is more on pride for a faded glory days, and the desire to rule (tying to the novel’s preoccupation with decrepit aristocracy vs the new Victorian age of a modern middle class) rather than a sort of cringing, tragic shame. As does the general colder, more emotionless portrayal, and the line where he says “he is an appetite.” The latter felt the most to me like an attempt to thread the needle between the pestilence and compulsion specific themes happening with Nosferatu, and Dracula as a force of nature. But it still felt like a stronger lean towards Dracula on the larger scale

Re: narrative style, I feel like the Eggers film was also much less interested in the surreal, more intuitive tone the Murnau film set with its Expressionist style, and that the Herzog film followed up on. It was much more logical and about the collective cast of characters trying to figure out The Rules, and best Orlok that way. (It’s a very culturally anglophone approach)

As for it as a rebuttal to Coppola Dracula specifically, I definitely got that sense with Orlok’s general characterization. Where it went out of its way to portray and style him as like a faded Transylvanian warlord but decidedly leaving out the Vlad the Impaler backstory the Coppola film introduced. (Which, I mean they couldn’t really do with Orlok anyway, but it still felt pointed to me, because it’s something that book fans complain about a lot wrt the 1992 film and its impact on the pop culture perception of the character) Additionally, the specific way it handled scenes where Ellen goes into her trances, did feel like commentary on the Lucy scenes and how they had been more eroticized. Where here it’s so very not. The very first scene in the movie goes on to show her moaning in a field (reminiscent in setting to the wolfman assault scene in Coppola) and then ending it on her having a seizure. The use of seizures for horror itself feels a bit stale, but it gets the point across. As does the later reveal that she was probably meant to be an adolescent at that point. The way they shot her sleepwalking outdoors also just felt visually similar to me

There were a lot of little things with the side cast too. Harding particularly felt so much like a cynical take on Arthur Holmwood. And his interactions with Van Franz (I do wonder why they didn’t just call him Bulwer!) felt very specific to the sort of dynamic that exists in the Coppola film specifically

Willem Dafoe’s Van Franz, in general, felt so strongly in conversation with Anthony Hopkins’ Van Helsing. A complaint I’ve seen a lot from book purists (that I don’t personally agree with in this case) is that he’s so mean and sleazy in that film? And I feel in styling, eccentricity, and the light humor of his interactions, he felt very Hopkins esque but Van Franz is so decidedly kind to Ellen. He’s a very empathetic character throughout the whole movie.

Meanwhile, the blood drinking scenes in the castle being framed as sexual assault is very in keeping with Nosferatu. But how explicit it is, and the highlighting of Thomas as a victim, and its concern with his trauma, again felt like a direct rebuttal to the sexier framing of Jonathan’s time in the castle, and the erotic framing of the Brides drinking from him.

And yes, the way it presented Ellen and Orlok’s relationship (and Ellen and Thomas’s) seemed very much informed by the Coppola movie as well. Definitely the framing of it as more monstrous than romantic, but also her emotions being very fraught and complicated about it felt like it was playing off that? There’s the scene with Mina and Dracula late in the movie where she’s like “You killed Lucy; I love you” basically in the same breath. The emphasis on Ellen having sought out some sort of connection once because of an innate mysterious affinity with him (that itself feeling, to me, comparable to the Coppola specific element of Mina being predisposed to having romantic feelings for and a sense of familiarity with Dracula because of the reincarnation backstory) felt informed by that. The scene early on where she describes her dream of wedding death, the concept, and it’s blissful despite being objectively horrible, or the later scene where she tells Thomas about how her childhood (yikes…) relationship with Orlok was “blissful at first.” The ways that the movie went out of its way to portray nuance in their dynamic and that she may have some degree of mixed feelings but that it’s still unequivocally her being preyed on felt very in conversation with Coppola specific themes to me. (And also the more cynical take on how she would be socially treated for it)

Additionally the top down shot after they’ve both died just felt more similar to the Dracula final shot than either Nosferatu film’s in my opinion

[greenerteacups]

Hi GT, I hope you are doing well! who is your favorite Weasley?

Thank you! Absolute treat of a question. Oh, man. It's Ron, right? It was always going to be Ron.

So here's the thing: the Weasleys are a really well-characterized family in that you can kind of see a lot of character emerge through limited sketches and contextual information. Bill is Number One Boy, the best at everything, oldest child who was always confident and at peace with his indisputable place in the family; so he's a chill, cool, incredibly competent guy who naturally takes-charge. Charlie is a patented never-grew-out-of-your-middle-school-dragons-phase Weird Kid, but like, mindfully and enthusiastically so, because his parents probably still had plenty of time to support and nurture his interests; plus he's also different to Bill and excels in different ways, so they aren't too competitive (as we see). Percy is the first one to suffer from the pressure of mounting expectations, and he's very quickly followed by the twins, who do the classic "if I can't be the best I'll be the worst" late-sibling trick of acting up for attention, so he gets lost in the shuffle. (The fight between Ron and Percy in Chapter 58 is, hence, in substantially about the relationship between the two most-ignored members of the Weasley family, and that's why Ron is so much angrier at him than the rest of them. Like I've said before, Ron always thinks he's got it the worst, but he takes pride in being able to kinda "tough it out," and nothing pisses him off like other people's self-pity.) Ginny is obviously the baby of the family, a girl with everyone wrapped around her finger, and I love her, but I feel like we didn't get enough grit in her portrait— she's just really successful in everything she does, in a way that can read as flat to some people, and certainly read as flat to me my first time through the books. In fact, Ginny reminds me a lot of Bill: first daughter/first son, described often as "cool" and clever and good at basically everything, charming and generally liked by all. Which is lovely. A delight to read, just like the twins are. But my taste in characters ranges way more fucked-up and mean.

Ron is the last boy, "sixth son of a woman who wanted a daughter" (fascinating line that complicates everything we know about Molly's relationship with her kids — and BTW, how the hell does Ron know that, and how old was he when he learned it? And this also comes into play with Molly's cry of "not my daughter" to Bellatrix which like, as a moment obviously fucking rules, but also — there's a reason she says daughter, not "child," right? Do you see what I'm digging at? Anyway). Ron meets Harry and recognizes himself in how Harry defaults to thinking people don't care about him, or won't help him if he asks, because — although they come from very different circumstances, Ron's home was completely loving, just not as nurturing as he always needed it to be — Ron usually goes in assuming people don't care about him, too. So his first instinct is to go: "Alright. Well, I'll care about you, then, weird stranger. Do you want to share my horrible sandwich, and also my life, perhaps?" Goddamn! Sixth of seven in a house with never enough to go around, and he's immediately like: "fuck it, room for one more." Because he could have been Percy — and you can see it in the way that Ron is mean, sometimes, he's not careful with his words and he struggles with empathy and he's got a vengeful streak that comes out when he's pissed — but he isn't selfish enough, he loves too much and too easily, and it takes shockingly little to earn his loyalty. You just have to pay a little attention to him.

[lexreadsdiversely]

I dunno how to phrase this. I try not to get too much into my personal life on this blog, mostly cuz I want to stick to reading-related stuff as much as possible, but this does count. It's just kinda heavy.

I'm just super grateful for what went down in January of 2024. Losing my girlfriend/best friend, falling apart, immediately deciding that I wanted to pick up reading again to fill the hole she ripped in me. Setting a goal for myself to strengthen my attention span and reading comprehension. I didn't realize at the time how important setting that groundwork would be for the rest of my life, now that I'm facing the very real possibility that I have MS.

I've had three attacks so far. The first, about 3+ years ago, I woke up one day and could barely move. The pain was excruciating. I went from being able to lift 50lb bags of dog food all day to struggling with anything above 10 lbs. I had to wear compression gloves for months just to be able to bend my fingers at work, and ever since I've had to use a chair for work. I suddenly became a fall risk because my brain wasn't processing my surroundings properly. At random points the world would appear to tilt and "split" and I would try to compensate for it. In doing so, I would accidentally throw myself into walls or different objects, or catch myself at the last minute from falling. Most of this got better, but my mobility has never been the same since.

The second attack left me with POTS-like symptoms, including horrible temperature regulation issues that I haven't recovered from. Hand tremors, brain zaps, processing multiple sounds at once as music rather than individual sounds. The visual and auditory hallucinations are kind of cool (like I could look at my fairies and watch them moving) if I ignored what it could mean. Breathing issues, chest pain, severe exercise intolerance. I started having episodes of what seemed to be cataplexy, and my insomnia and mood changes got significantly worse. Many of these symptoms got better. Some of them became permanent companions.

This most recent attack, however...I've been saying for a while that my memory is getting worse but no one was taking it seriously. They assumed it was just my adhd and it wasn't as bad as I was saying. But it is. I'm a writer, I have a decent vocabulary, but I'm forgetting basic words. I forget what I'm saying in the middle of a sentence constantly, and I can't backtrack the way I used to. Slurred speech, combining words in ways that don't make sense, skipping words, mixing up phrases, saying things out of order, intense stuttering. Speaking slower. I'm having a harder time hearing things, and my wife informed me that I've also been speaking much quieter lately. And the auditory hallucination of hearing music? Turns out it's often a sign of hearing loss. I'm experiencing blurry and double vision. It's getting harder to write legibly. I'm having uncontrollable muscle twitches in my face and arms.

Much of this will probably get better. Some of it won't. It seems like if I do have MS, I probably have the relapsing-remitting type, which is a small relief. But it's scary. I've faced the possibility of many diagnoses that would cause my immune system and mobility to deteriorate, but now I'm facing one that will cause my cognitive functioning to deteriorate along with my body, and that feels so much scarier.

But hey, I started reading again. Before this most recent attack that has had a huge impact on my cognitive functioning, I successfully improved my attention span and comprehension. I learned to fight that part of me that needed a tl;dr for every post above a few hundred words, the part that thought videos longer than a minute were too long. I started teaching myself new skills again, and absorbing more complex information. I knew it would make a difference but I didn't realize just how much until now.

I'm going to get some activity books for things like vocabulary, problem-solving puzzles, math, etc. I'm going to practice writing every day, find a good pen that requires less pressure, look into disability tools. I'm going to go for more walks and do my PT exercises regularly. I'm going to slow down at work, pay more attention to my body's limitations. Feed myself more. Stop listening to music at ridiculous volumes, but keep listening until I can't anymore. That day will probably come, and it scares the shit out of me bc music is my greatest passion, but I'll be okay. Get my hearing and vision checked regularly. Maybe I can get some hearing aids and see a specialist to get glasses that'll help with visual processing. Learn ASL. And keep reading, by god keep fucking reading.

And most of all, I'm not going to hold myself back anymore. I'm going to stop being so damn afraid of living. I don't know how long I'll be here, but I'm going to make the most of it.

[chocosea]

Fresh Novel Summary Chapter 1

Chapter Title: Fresh Precure Once Again!

One year after the fight with Labyrinth, Love, Miki, and Inori are in their 3rd year of middle school (9th grade).

They have to prepare for high school entrance exams. Inori is in Love's room to help tutor her. They were supposed to be studying together, but since Love is bad at school Inori basically became her tutor. Inori is studying for a high school that's connected to a college that has a vet program, so she has to do extra studying by herself after tutoring Love. Love has lost interest in studying and zoned out; Inori marked her answer book with a bunch of red marks. Love's mom (Ayumi) brings them snacks, and they quit studying for the day and talk about friend stuff. They recount their surprise at hearing Miki say that she wasn't going to high school and instead plans to attend beauty school. She's decided not to become a top model and wants to become a beautician now to take over her mom's shop.

Inori is wondering if Miki is really okay with that. Chiffon and Tarte come to visit by appearing outside of Love's window. Love lets them in and they take some donuts that were on the snack tray. Chiffon can speak a lot more now but doesn't seem to always understand the words she repeats. She has picked up some Kansai dialect from Tarte. They often move between Earth, the Sweets Kingdom, and Labyrinth. So they have stories of how Setsuna, Wester, and Soular are doing their best to make Labyrinth a happy country.

Love feels lost in comparison to her friends, who are all working towards a dream.

After school, Love has a 1-on-1 with her homeroom teacher as the teacher has to interview all the students about their plans for the future. The teacher, Manami Kudou, says that Love is still in middle school, so it's fine if she wants time to think about it in high school. Love agrees, but says that she feels like her friends are all working towards a dream, so she has to do her best to get her happiness also. Manami doesn't understand Love's catchphrase so Love clarifies that it's like how Manami's engaged, which is like getting super happiness. Manami protests that this has nothing to do with her own private life, but breaks out into a smile and Love teases her. Manami changes the subject to Love's terrible grades on the recent mock exam, and tells her that she won't be able to get into the school of her choice with this. Love is like, "Yeahhh, you got me there!" and says her polite goodbyes.

Manami thinks to herself that Love's a strange girl that makes you feel happy by being around her. Then she thinks that probably should be expected as Love is… (It trails off here.) She gets a call from her fiance, but her smile freezes over at the first thing he says: "I'm sorry. I really don't think I can get married…"

The sudden break in her happiness leads Manami to momentarily mentally blame Love for leaving, though she realizes how unreasonable that is. Just because Love's presence made her feel happy doesn't mean that she took it away when she also left. And yet, Love had only talked about getting happiness until this point, so her timing was truly something. Manami isn't processing anything else her fiance says; she just realizes that happiness and misery are two sides of the same coin that can be flipped over at any moment.

Meanwhile, Daisuke is hanging out at his baseball club even though practice has long ended for 3rd years. He told his friends he wanted to see his club since they're almost graduating, and got laughed at for saying something so uncharacteristically sentimental. However, his true purpose was to intercept Love coming back from her counseling session so that he could talk to her and find out what high school she's aiming for. Which is exactly what he does. He confirms that she's aiming for Yotsuba High School, which is where most of their middle school students go.

Love asks Daisuke where he's aiming for, and he says that he's unsure. This surprises her. He mentions that Yuki's (guy who had a crush on Miki) family owns a sushi restaurant, so he's planning on studying to become a chef rather than going to high school. Kento (guy who had a crush on Inori) is from the Mikoshiba conglomerate so he's going to study abroad in America. Daisuke says that he feels like the only one who doesn't have things figured out. Love immediately grabs one of his hands in both of hers and says she feels the same while shaking it up and down.

Daisuke's heart skips a beat. At the intersection, he says that he was thinking of trying for the private high school a town over since they have a strong baseball team, but if Love is going to Yotsuba High he might try that instead. He says this while blushing. Just then the signal turns green, and Love bounds off on the road while bidding him goodbye. She wasn't listening to him at all. Daisuke is left standing there, and the signal turns red again.

At home, Love speeds through dinner and her bath to start studying immediately in her room. There, though, she finds that Tarte has put Chiffon to sleep and is demanding that she stay quiet. She says sorry, and then points out that this is her room. She starts trying to study and it's not going well; she doesn't even know what questions she would have to ask to get an explanation that would make sense. Tarte goes on about how he agrees with her teacher and she doesn't need to compare herself to Pine or Berry. Love tells him to shush it so she can focus on studying. He apologizes and goes back to reading his manga magazine. All is quiet until Love starts making sleeping noises; she fell asleep at her desk. Tarte puts her cardigan over her.

The next day, Manami is absent from school. Everyone expects that she'll show up later in the day, but she doesn't. They feel that something's off as there's rumors going around that something happened with her fiance. Love doesn't believe it since Manami looked so happy on her counseling day and the wedding was only a few days away.

Daisuke is looking through reference books, thinking he's going to get serious about studying now that he's talked to Love, when Kento and Yuki appear. They get chummy with him and say they heard about how he was actually waiting for Love that one day. Daisuke denies it, but they tell him that they're rooting for him since their own crushes have no future (Yuki not being able to go to high school with Miki and beauty school doesn't match up with owning a sushi restaurant; Kento leaving for America). The two of them then march him off to the game arcade despite him saying he needs to study. He realizes that this is why he hasn't gotten serious about studying, since these two don't have entrance exams to worry about.

Daisuke loses a fighting game to Kento because Kento is rich and has every new game at home that he can play as much as he wants (though they always hang out on the second floor with the old games, so I guess Kento just is game buff). Daisuke goes to get something from the vending machine and looks out the window to see Manami sitting at a cafe.

At school during break time, Daisuke whisper reports to Love what he saw in a hallway. He saw Manami at a cafe in front of the station arguing with a man. Daisuke says that this must be her fiance. Love asks if Daisuke saw the man's face or knew what they were talking about, to which he answers no to both. Love says that he actually doesn't know if it was her fiance or not then. Daisuke insists that they were arguing about something and that it's weird for their teacher to skip school just to argue with a man in a coffee shop.

A few days later, Love is heading to Inori's house for studying. Passing by the park, she sees Kaoru's truck and decides to get some donuts to go. From the truck's shadow, she sees Miyuki sitting alone at the seating area. Love stops in her tracks. They had all stopped dancing after that competition they won due to having to study for entrance exams, so she hasn't seen Miyuki in a while and feels awkward about calling out to her. Love gathers up her courage and starts to call out her name, but Miyuki doesn't notice and suddenly leaves with a serious face.

Kaoru greets Love and asks if she wants donuts. Love asks him about what's going on with Miyuki, but he says he didn't notice anything.

Love arrives at Inori's house, which is behind their vet hospital in Clover Town Street. The person that opens the door for her isn't Inori, however, but Miki. Miki was at Inori's house to return a book and heard that Love was coming, so she thought she'd give her a little scare. Miki gets ready to take her leave so she won't get in the way of them studying, but Love tells her to stay and study with them. Miki asks why she should do that when she has no entrance exams. Love says that it's too bad then, since she brought Kaoru's donuts with her, which catches Miki's attention. Inori plays along and says that they should just eat them between the two of them, while Miki protests that they should've brought the donuts up first and joins them. Love jokes that this is her return-fire knockout surprise move.

That night, Miyuki thinks over the day's events in her room. Reika had suddenly said that she wanted to quit Trinity during a break in their dance lessons. Miyuki and Nana had pressed her for reasons, but Reika only cried and said that it was due to family matters and that she had to return to her hometown immediately. Miyuki knew that Reika was the one in most pain, but she couldn't help herself and snapped at her, saying she had enough and Reika could just do whatever. Miyuki wonders why she said that and why she didn't run after Reika and thank her for all the hard work she put in their group until now. She didn't want Trinity to break up, but in the end she was the one who broke them apart. Now crying, Miyuki concludes that she's the worst.

Just then, she feels a presence of a person in her room and lifts her head to look behind her. In the corner of her room stands a man in a dark hooded cloak. Normally she would yell, but for some reason she doesn't feel any sense of fear. She feels fascinated, like she's been hypnotized.

The man introduces himself as Maphisto, which uses the Kanji 魔 (demon, evil) for the "Ma" part. The rest of the name is in Katakana. His face isn't visible under the shadow of his hood, but his eyes shine with a strange light that she can't look away from. He asks her if she's sad, and she says yes. He asks again, and she says yes. He says he knows a way that will take away the pain of mourning a happiness that will never return. Miyuki begs him to tell her what that is. He tells her to say magic words, and she pleads with him to tell her what they are. He says that she already knows them. The words appear in her head, and at his goading she says them aloud: "Happiness is worthless." (Note about the Japanese: "幸せなんかいらない" literally translated, it could be "I don't need something like happiness." as well as "I don't want to be happy." いらない carries both the idea of not wanting something and not needing something; therefore I used "worthless" given the gravity of this statement in this particular context.)

The next moment, a murky darkness flies out of Maphisto's mouth and attacks Miyuki's body.

Daisuke is in the next room over and was listening to music with headphones, but took them off thinking he would buy a snack. When he does, he hears Miyuki scream. He immediately rushes to her room and sees her turning into a monster. Once fully a monster, what-was-once-Miyuki breaks the window and flies outside. It chants "Fushiawase" (Unhappiness) and also the word "Dancing."

Love, Miki, and Inori have finished studying and are heading out (Inori to see them off halfway). Love recounts how she saw Miyuki at the park. Miki jokes about how Love is always worried about other people when her own studying isn't going well, when they hear a yell. A beat later they hear a crowd screaming in fear. They run over there and see a 3 meter tall monster moving jerkily, as if dancing, as people scramble away. It grabs people with multiple long arms, and the people caught begin dancing in the same manner against their will. The book compares this to the fairy tale the red shoes; the people must dance until they die.

Miki wonders if it's the Labyrinth at work again, but Love immediately denies it since Setsuna is working to make that place better. The three of them start helping people escape. The monster is using anything around it to attack people.

Elsewhere, Tarte (with Chiffon on his back) has climbed onto a lamp post to see what's going on.

Love sees a man in his 20s looking up at the monster with a sad look on his face and directs him to escape. As he leaves, she sees a dolphin keychain on his bag, which she feels like she's seen somewhere before. Before she can recall where, Daisuke comes running over and calling her name.

Daisuke tells them that the monster is Miyuki and begs them to transform into Precure to save her. The three of them can't though, because they gave their items back to the Sweets Kingdom. The three of them try to call out to Miyuki but the monster only attacks them. They keep trying to no avail. Love shouts that she wants to save Miyuki, and from the lamp post Chiffon suddenly cries out. A light shines from the mark on her forehead, and the next moment Love, Miki, and Inori all have their Linkruns in their hands. Their Pickruns come flying down from the sky. The girls are surprised, but Pirun tells them that Love called them when she said she wanted to save Miyuki. The girls look at each other and then raise their hands all at once and shout their transformation phrase. Tarte finally catches up with them once they've transformed.

The Precure fight the monster, and it takes them a bit to get used to their roles again. Once they get the hang of it though, they hit it with a Love Sunshine Fresh and Espoir Shower Fresh, but as Cure Pine tries to cast Healing Prayer Fresh, a lone pet dog jumps in front of her. Pine immediately leaps and grabs it, and is hit directly by the monster's flailing arms. She crashes hard into concrete walls. The dog however is safe, and runs off happily once it hears its owner calling for it. Relieved, Pine passes out. Berry and Peach try to run over to her but are hit by the monster and go flying.

Peach spots a gallant figure lit by the moonlight on the roof of a building for a moment and immediately recognizes it as Cure Passion. Passion casts Happiness Hurricane, giving them that last purifying power they need to beat the monster. The people stop dancing, finally free.

The three of them, transformations undone, run over to Inori and help her stand. Inori asks about Miyuki, and they turn around to see Daisuke at her side. All four of them rush over. Miyuki struggles to remember what happened, and then recalls Maphisto. She tells them about the hooded figure that was standing in the corner of her room, but can't remember anything after that. Miki tells Daisuke that they should get her home so she can rest. Daisuke and Love help Miyuki up, and Miyuki finally notices the girls' presence. When she sees Love, she comments that it's been a long time and that she feels better getting to see Love. She asks Love to say her catchphrase so Love replies with a "Get your happiness!" with a thumbs up. Miyuki thanks her and says she can feel her energy returning.

They see Miyuki off. From the shadows, Maphisto watches them and scoffs at Love's catchphrase. Setsuna notices his presence and turns around, but he's already gone. The other three surround her and welcome her back, and she replies with a smile, already forgetting about the presence she felt. Tarte and Chiffon also welcome her back, and Setsuna calls their names and opens her arms wide. Tarte tries to leap into her hug but she only hugs Chiffon. Tarte makes a corny joke about how painful ("Setsunai") it is to get this from "Passion"-han. No one hears this pun and Setsuna greets him after and asks how he's doing.

Love asks Setsuna why she's here, and Setsuna recounts for them. When Chiffon's light shone, she was eating her handmade donuts with Wester and Soular. They said her donuts were good, but she noticed that they were holding something back and pointed it out. The other two were hesitant but told her that though her donuts were good, they didn't really match up to Kaoru's. She took a bite herself, said she'd work harder, then laughed, and the other two laughed as well. At that moment, her Linkrun suddenly appeared in her hand and Akarun came flying in. She realized that for the Linkrun and Akarun to cross dimensions from the Sweets Kingdom like that it must mean that the Precure team was out there fighting. Wester and Soular came to the same conclusion and told her that she should go, with Wester saying she had to bring back Kaoru's donuts as a souvenir. She transformed and the two of them clapped when she finished, to which she said, "Cut it out". After that, she used Akarun's teleportation powers to get to where they were fighting.

Setsuna and Love surprise Love's mom with Setsuna. Ayumi is touched to see Setsuna and welcomes her home. Setsuna shyly replies that she's back, and addresses Ayumi as her mother again. Ayumi hugs her hard. The same thing happens when Love's dad (Keitarou) returns, except he hugs Tarte hard because he can't hug Setsuna. (I don't understand why not.)

They have their first dinner together as a family in a year. Ayumi says that Love should have told her that Setsuna was coming because she didn't prepare anything special. Dinner is stuffed green bell peppers, which Love says is no good since Setsuna hates bell peppers. Setsuna laughs and starts eating them, and actually looks like she's finding them delicious. Love insists that she doesn't have to force herself, but Setsuna says that she's now able to eat them. Ayumi praises Setsuna and then gets on Love's case about not eating carrots. Love protests that her mom hates spinach, but her mom retorts that she can eat them if she forces herself. Setsuna starts laughing. She thinks about how much she loves this family.

Love and Setsuna go upstairs and Love says that Setsuna's room is just how she left it. Setsuna remembers that one time Northa acted as a fake Ayumi that Setsuna immediately clocked, but when she tried to convince Love that that wasn't mom, Love didn't believe her and took offense that Setsuna would be so mean. Ultimately, it was Ayumi's feelings towards Setsuna that was the key to saving her, and Setsuna started calling her "Mom" that day. The red heart bracelet from that day is something Setsuna brought with her to Labyrinth and is sitting on her desk there. (Episode 40)

Love entwines her arm around Setsuna's and tells her that she should stay for a while because it's been so long, and she's sure Setsuna wants to talk more with Miki and Inori. Setsuna had told them she was going back the next afternoon, but she has second thoughts now and decides to stay, thinking it might be okay to leave matters to Soular and Wester for up to a week.

The next day, another Fushiawase appears on Clover town street, this time sunflower themed. Now having gotten back into the swing of things, the four immediately transform and purify it quickly. The Fushiawase continue to appear day by day, at any time. The people they save say the same things as Miyuki did, and the team figures out that the "Happiness is worthless" phrase is the trigger. They visit Miyuki and ask her what she had been upset about, and Miyuki tells them that Trinity is disbanding and of the mean things she said to Reika. She has since met up with Reika to apologize, and they made up. The girls resolve to catch this Maphisto.

The Fushiawase keep coming and they keep purifying them, but they get the sense that the monsters are getting stronger. Tarte and Chiffon go to retrieve the Clover box from the shrine in the Sweets Kingdom, but when they get there they find the box missing.

Personal Commentary:

Forcing people to dance until they die? Is this Space Channel 5?

Despite having cell phones, they continue not to use them. Daisuke could have phoned Love but instead he had to book it over and hope she would already be at the scene of action.

At the donut scene I legit thought Setsuna was gonna rake Wester and Soular over the coals. I guess this is redeemed Setsuna, but it's really boring how they sanded off all her edges when they redeemed her. I think she should be able to to make annoyed jabs sometimes.

I really think that Ayumi should stop getting on Love's case about not eating carrots. There's so many reasons why specific foods don't work for people rather than just being selfish, and I really didn't like that part of Ayumi when watching the show. Love eats other vegetables so it's fine if she doesn't want to eat carrots. Lots of people with sensory problems have specific items they can't eat, and treating it as a moral failing helps no one. (Of course, everyone should eat vegetables because they vastly help your health. In cases where someone isn't eating vegetables at all, it's better to experiment to see what they can eat, slowly increase their tolerance by pairing it with food they like, and otherwise hiding the veggies and letting them know so they have a good method to eat veggies in the future. But anyway.)

Otherwise, a good first chapter. Really can see every part of this animated like in the show.

[shroomerr]

Which canon character respects your OC most? What gained that respect?

LORE TIME !!! (sorry this took a while to answer too, i've still got the school debuff </3)

going to once again preemptively cut because i ALSO expect this one to be a long one. Also, just a heads up that while I try to be canon-compliant as much possible, a lot of the lore for this AU I have with my oc has some canon rewritten to better fit with my vision of the story/make for better character dynamics !

So I don't think there's necessarily one single character that respects Hanh the most. If I really had to try and narrow it down, it would probably be Kyle. I talk about it more in detail in here but to make a long story short (oh uh let's hope I don't turn like those people in the zipline episode), they're both very responsible, have strong moral compasses, and they're both basically the "moms" of the group. Hanh would specifically be kind of the "last line of defense" and voice of reason if even Kyle ends up falling victim to the whims of South Park shenanigans.

Though in a more general case, there are two events that caused Hanh to gain respect from most of the kids at school.

The first one was when Hanh first moved to South Park and was considered the New Kid. In typical new kid in South Park fashion, she'd probably gain a little bit of attention seeing as no one ever moves there (I'm imagining this takes place before the town becomes super gentrified and a lot of people start moving in). But other than the usual whispers and gossip, nothing really out of the ordinary happens, and life goes on. That is until the M4 get an idea (wuh oh).

Something, something, Cartman finds out that Hanh is Vietnamese (and not actually Chinese) and decides to formulate a plan where they use Hanh to help write their Vietnam War paper (this is actually entirely based Season 2 episode 6, the one where the M4 ask Ned and Jimbo about their experience in the Vietnam War).

So, once again, in typical South Park fashion, the boys go to pester and bother her about questions on the Vietnam War. To which, y'know, the 9 year old has no clue how to answer because she was born in the US and knows nothing about the war, lol.

For the most part, she just politely tells them she doesn't know anything. This of course completely infuriates Cartman, maybe he even goes on to believe it's some kind of conspiracy by the Chinese to stop them from getting an easy A on their report.

It all culminates into one boiling point where Cartman goes to confront her in the middle of the school yard. He starts throwing accusations and racist remarks while Hanh just kind of. Stands there. Not really knowing what to do. Stan and Kenny kind of stand just as awkwardly as her, while Kyle's yelling at Cartman for him to stop.

Up until Cartman decides to grab part of Hanh's hair and pulls on it. For a second, time slows down, and a little voice in the form of her mom rings in Hanh's head: "If anyone ever tries to bother you at this new school, you need to defend yourself. And if that means punching someone, you do it. What do you think we enrolled you in all of those karate classes for?"

And so, she does. She punches Cartman square in the face, practically instinctively, and he stumbles back. A thin line of blood starts streaming down his nose, staining the pristine snow underneath his feet, and Hanh's just about to shit her pants.

She runs off, utterly terrified at what kind of trouble she's going to get into, while the boys and anyone who had the fortune of seeing the scene unfold laugh at Cartman for getting his ass handed to him by a girl. For the rest of the day, Hanh just actively avoids the M4 as much as she could, thinking they're going to beat her up for punching one of their friends. So imagine how funny it is when they finally catch up to her and tell her "Dude, anyone who punches Cartman is cool in our books." To which she responds with "ISN'T HE YOUR FRIEND???"

So yea! It's both the catalyst for Hanh's friendship with the M4 and how she gained their respect (save for maybe Cartman).

The second event is also pretty similar to the first one, which is also based on another episode! Specifically, Season 8 Episode 10, the one with Trent Boyett.

In this one, instead of going to Shelley for protection against Trent Boyett, they go to Hanh (much to Cartman's dismay) because they remember an offhanded comment she made about taking martial arts classes and being a red belt. They were initially going to go ask Shelley first, before remembering she'd probably kill them anyway after protecting them from Trent.

When they come to her begging and pleading to Hanh, she's initially completely against the idea. She's especially appalled at Kyle, considering he's usually the one to take the moral high ground. Though, after a lot of convincing and tearful sobs, she finally concedes, only on the condition that they would own up to their mistake to everyone and give a heartfelt apology to Trent Boyett (in this universe they'd still get Trent sent to juvie, but probably not due to burning Ms. Claridge). Though, before they get the chance to agree to her terms, lo and behold: Trent Boyett shows up.

With nowhere left to go, the M4 hide behind Hanh, which Trent Boyett makes a comment on how of course they'd be cowardly enough to hide behind someone again instead of owning up to their mistake. Hanh (once again, shitting her pants) would try to reason with Trent by telling him the guys have changed and are willing to apologize and make up for everything they did. There's a moment of hesitation from him as he sees Hanh put her arms up, almost as if to shield her friends. But he dismisses this and just goes straight for them.

She uses herself to basically block Trent's way, following his every movement. After a bit of back and forth, he tries to push past her but she just pushes back, until he finally has enough and he just goes for it and beelines to them. This causes him to suffer the same fate as Cartman: with her fist connecting with his teeth. If she wasn't pissing herself before, she certainly is now, LOL

Everyone's reeling back from the shock and realization that Hanh's just punched the meanest, nastiest, cruelest kid in school (and also praying for her soul to rest in peace because only God can help her now), and there's a thick silence in the air. Mr. Mackey thankfully comes in before anything further happens, and seeing Trent Boyett at the scene already makes him think the worst. Mackey starts his spiel on how "fighting's bad, m'kay" and is about to take Trent away to presumably give him another suspension. Before he could do anything though, Hanh speaks up and takes the blame for starting the fight. Pretty much everyone is shocked, especially Trent (and also the M4 because if Hanh gets suspended over this, who's going to protect them now???). She goes on to recount what happened (albeit with a very shaky voice), and explains that she's the one who landed the first punch. Hesitantly, Mackey explains that she would likely have to face some kind of punishment, and maybe even suspension if this turns out to be true. She just nods.

But to everyone's surprise, Trent sighs butts in, retracting Hanh's statement by admitting to Mackey that he was in fact the one that started the fight, and that Hanh's just trying to cover for him. She tries to convince him that this isn't something he needs to do, but he just shrugs and says that "a few days of suspension isn't going to kill me."

Before he gets taken away, however, he turns to the M4 to give them a piece of advice: “You’re lucky you’ve got a good friend. I have no idea why someone like her would hang out with the likes of you, but right now it’s the only thing stopping from beating you guys to a bloody pulp right here and now, so take my advice: don’t fuck this up.” 

(she later gave them a good smack to the head to each boy for putting her in this heart-attack inducing situation)

And that's how Hanh managed to not only gain the respect of Trent Boyett, but also scare pretty much anyone (even her own friends) who ever thought about crossing her!

There's a lot of details and dialogue I omitted from the second part since I was worried I wouldn't be able to convey my thoughts well in writing. I've actually been wanting to make a mini-comic of this scenario someday!! so hopefully once the semester's over and I have some time i can finally put it to paper <3

[cassedyevihtt]

Solitaire and Radiosilence

I have been listening to these audio books again. About how these characters pour their hearts out online. And how people go through trying times but have friends thats there for them.

Examples of this is Tori she suffers alot alone and has to be there for charlie "i am the one thats suppost to be there when these things happen"

She cant bear the thought of someone being concerned and caring for her. But at the end of the day she feels safe with a person and lets him in. This is extraordinary.

Another thing that are common in fiction in general is that these emotional issues get to a high point where shit has got to go down. Like there starts a fire at Tori's school that makes her properly freak out and thats how she and people around her find out abt exactly how depressed she's been feeling.

Or when Tori sees micheal lose that scating competition. And he rages.

That sort of thing never happens in real life. Most of us suffer in silence. And it never gets this high point. It might gradually go over or it stays for a loooong time.

And if it does get a high point, people are never there to see it. Not the people you care abt most anyway.

Cuz u shield the people u care abt. U dont want them to go around concerned.

I freak out over things. It can get hard for me to stand or breathe sometimes and i can get a bit manic. This is all in my head. I can get easily overwhelmed bc i naturally think alot. And notice alot of things. Especially when doing something new. And not fun. Like work. This is just a basic truth for me. Something i need to live with and be patient with.

And when i get like that, sometimes I just want a hug. And other times i want people to fuck off and I just need a break and a snack. And some sleep. And to make a list.

How nice would it be for someone to know and understand that? I dont want people to be like "oh no will she be alr doing these big things she wanna do in her life?" I dont want them to make me doupt myself. I want them to stand by, see me suffer and see me pull through anyway. Like the push and pull. Both "u got this come on one more step!!" And "now u just chill, tomorrow u work"

Radiosilence has a sequence where Francis goes and finds his sister, tracks her down, fools aled's toxic af mother and finds his sister. Aled's sister and Francis and Daniel and Rain all drive 6 hours in the middle of a schoolday to find Aled.

And i feel like this also only happens in fiction. People truly caring for one another and seeing when other people are hurting and DOING something abt it. Solitaire had it realistic "i saw it comming and yet I did nothing" both charlie and tori said this to one another.

I wish someone would do that for me if they knew i was not feeling well. And i wish people would do that without it needing to be "i think she might kill herself" it could just be "mate, i think she's having a stressy day, so lets bake something nice for her and do something fun together" I mean, it doesnt have to get so serious before friends just contact each other or appear without warning and just hang out or talk.

I think, the friends that i have now, i probably wouldnt have taken that roadtrip for them in the middle of my schoolday. I'd think for them to sort it out by themself. Now, with Aled, the character's got a houndred hints that he was not okay. But in real life u cant tell. People just go around lying and maybe stop texting if they even did much in the first place.

I knew one friend was hurting herself. So i asked abt it. This was before i grew up. She talked abt it and i said for her to talk to me abt it from that moment onward. I also showed concern for another friend who had 'issues at home' I said for her to meet me after school one day where she could let it all out, and I would listen. So i did.

Another friend had panic attacks and I tried to show that i was there for them aswell. I tried to ask how they were, if they were getting help (which they were)

But then i went through shit. And i didn't feel anyone was there. I later told a friend myself, but before that no one really noticed.

I am pretty sure my main friend group knew shit was bad for me at some point. I said i'd done something stupid and they'd all ask what and i couldnt tell them.

Now later we dont really talk. My friend that had panic attacks isnt on the same wavelength as me anymore. We dont have the same interests and they have this other friend that is better. And i pissed of their little sister.

Its just. I think I chose the wrong friends. Friends who just wants to use me and discard me when i have nothing more for them to use, when i don't want to listen to their sob stories anymore. There is no genuine "how are u though?" Bc they do ask just to be nice but in reality everyone knows that they wouldnt be able to take the answer. They wouldn't want to hear the real answer. They just want to feel guilty. They want reassurance. They dont want to be there.

I am ready to move away from this place. I want fresh air. New friends that will take initiative. That wont just wait for me to make a move. But actually come around to my house and check up on me, not bc i seem sad but bc thats just a nice thing to do.

That they will call me instead of me just calling them. (For example one friend I called alot but he never called first)

And this is not me wanting pity. I dont do pity. What i want is understanding. And to be seen. Like micheal and Tori. For someone to stop and invest in the energy to get to know me, slowly. Quality time. Pick up cues and pieces of who i am. Not just the rough tough exterior i have (which I love) but the person inside too.

Maybe I'd like it to be more than one person so that I dont enter some Co-dependant relationship/friendship again. Still a bit hard to trust myself or anyone else after something like that. It has always been hard for me to trust others though.

In reality the only one that can save u is urself. It would be nice to have team players though. Real and actual team players.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hello!

I only just joined this fandom about two months ago, but in that time I’ve rewatched the show about 10 times and now I’m reading the books. It’s basically consumed my life.

Anyway, I don’t really have a question, but I’m rewatching season 1 (again!) and it’s gotten me thinking so much about Louis & his sexuality & what his family knows about his sexuality/his relationship with Lestat/his vampirism.

I got the impression that his family knows he’s gay (or at the very least, strongly suspects) but it’s one of those things that they just never talk about and pretend isn’t true (this makes sense given the time period and the fact that they’re religious). But in episode 1, Grace says she heard Louis had been hanging out with Lestat. And in episode 2, Florence says “you live half a mile away” …implying that she knows he’s living with Lestat? And then later (and by this time in the timeline it’s 1917), Grace asks Louis “are you still with Lestat” and Louis says “you know my situation” —What does that mean???? There are also little things that hint that they know there’s clearly something different about him, but they don’t necessarily know he’s a vampire.

But I’m just thinking how crazy it is because from his family’s perspective, like, they’ve probably always known he was gay, but they never said anything and he never said anything and then all of a sudden he just starts living openly with another man and they hardly ever see him anymore…

I know they made Louis’ family much bigger characters in the show than they are in the books and the show has kind of moved on from it being about Louis holding on to his humanity but there are still so many unanswered questions about his human family and what they did and didn’t know…maybe I just need to find some fan fiction that explores this, if there is any.

Anyway, so sorry for this long rambly message and I didn’t even actually have a question. Like I said, I just got into this fandom and I discovered this show during a really difficult period in my life and it’s the first thing that’s really made me feel joy in a long time so I guess I’m just a bit over-excited.

Hehehe, welcome to the madness! *hugs* :) I cannot count anymore how often I have rewatched. 😅 I'm glad it brings you joy, and I hope it will continue to do so for a loooonnggg time.

Thank you for this not-ask :)

I do think Louis' family definitely knew, but it just wasn't talked about, and his mother had more prejudice about it than Grace had, which is also something quite common no... particular shade here (to put it that way).

They knew and Grace especially was very happy for him, she just became resentful when the baby incident happened, which I can understand.

I agree that from their perspective the sudden change must have been quite something to behold :), but then Louis was only coming home sometimes even before as Grace pointed out. I think Louis spent a lot of times in the businesses, his own and the other brothel owners'. And that was something that both his mother and Grace more or less closed their eyes to.

But yeah, the money shielded Louis and Lestat for all those decades at Rue Royale. Because everybody must have known. They were in the middle of the city after all :), and some events were rather difficult to miss :)))

I am sorry, but I cannot really help you with the exploration of his family ties there wrt fanfiction - maybe someone who reads this can recommend some :)

*hugs* Enjoy your time in the fandom dear!! Feel free to ask if you have questions - or non-questions :))

[the-starlight-papers]

I was really big into kingdom keepers in middle school and random unhinged stuff that happened keeps just hitting me like a sack of bricks.

For those who aren’t aware, the premise of the first book in the series is “the Disney villains are real and doing evil, but they can only be seen by Disney characters. So we’re going to make holograms of some kids to be used as guides in the park during the day, but when the kids go to sleep at night, they wake up as their holograms in the park.”

The rest is under a readmore bc I had a lot to ramble about.

There’s a ton of stuff that randomly gets retconned after the first book. The notable one is that basically everyone (hologram or not) can see the Disney characters running around, which is funny because it basically destroys the whole premise of the series.

They also randomly switch the character who is good with computers around the second or third book. The new guy who’s good with computer’s first name is literally Dell.

The plot of the books are kinda hard to follow, since there is kind of a focus on going to as many different Disney attractions as possible.

The first book has a pretty coherent plot. The main plot is that the Disney Villains are trying to like. Escape the parks or something, and the kids have to follow hidden clues from Walt Disney to power up the wards. There’s a side plot where the main character Finn’s friend from school (and love interest) Amanda, is secretly helping them in a “knows more than she lets on” way because her sister Jess had been kidnapped and was being mind controlled by Maleficent.

In the second book, Jess gets kidnapped AGAIN, and they have to run around animal kingdom to try and find her. The twist is they can’t go to sleep because if they do their holograms will be captured by the villains, and they have no way to Return to their bodies without the magical garage door opener. They also use Pictochat on the Nintendo DS to communicate.

In the third book, their wise old guy mentor Wayne goes missing. Also the villains are up to something in Epcot. Good thing they turned Jess and Amanda (who BTW are not actually sisters, and are both runaways with superpowers called Fairlies (short for Fairly Human) that are hiding from the government) into holograms so they can help. Too bad their magical garage door opener got stuck in lost and found, so they can’t wake back up. Also the villan’s whole plan was to make it so the seatbelts couldn’t unlock and hold the guests hostage.

The fourth book is basically “I thought we were done but now we need to go to Hollywood studios”. Philby, the computer guy, has probably committed multiple felonies at some point due to hacking into Disney’s systems to make it so they stop waking up as holograms in the parks manages to mess up his one job and now they’re randomly getting stuck in the parks again. Also people (including one of the other main characters and Finn’s mom) can get possessed by the evil villains, indicated by their eyes turning green. The villan’s plan this time is to take out the power plant for the parks.

The fifth book is Disney cruise. I’m gonna be honest this is where they start to get really nonsensical. They’ve introduced hologram model 2.0 which has some visual improvements for like. Their actual purpose, but mostly are beneficial for the main characters because now they’re mostly intangible (except for on their hands and feet) which is a big benefit on the “hey you’re a normal kid running around at night AND you glow in the dark” since they can’t be punched as easily anymore.

Book 6 is “we’re still on the fucking boat”. Again, idk what we’re doing here besides trying to stop the evil guys from doing something evil. The book culminates with an evil ritual where one of Finn’s friends from school dies graphically.

Book 7 is basically oh fuck, someone died. This is serious now. And the way I mean this is serious is that I mean “oh this whole operation is controlled by the US military.” Because you know the second that they heard “oh we’ve made a way to make people mostly invulnerable” and they immediately went “ah we can use this for combat.” Someone made a hologram of Finn’s dead friend that also is just a search engine to try and help him cope. Idk who thought that was a good idea. There’s some really weird sections in this book where characters get like. Stuck half tangible in a wall and it’s described in a lot of detail. Anyways this is the original Disneyland book and idk what happens besides Mickey shows up in a dramatic reveal because he had been like sealed away to stop the villains from harnessing his power. The old guy, Wayne, gets stabbed and dies. I think they saved everyone? Woo? We all have depression now.

The return: oh you thought we were done with this series. You thought wrong. There’s another trilogy and a spin-off book. The kids (they’re all like 18 at this point or something) go back in time to stop the villans from ever becoming real or something. They team up with no longer an old guy Wade to set up the clues that they used to save the parks back in book one. Also btw they went back in time as holograms, and then got stuck as 2D black and white images until Wayne was able to invent both color television and holograms in the span of like three days. The other issue here is that since they went back as holograms, their actual bodies are stuck in comas. Good thing they have Jess and Amanda to deal with their parents and try and keep them from like. Dying of dehydration. There’s a whole subplot here with a Fairlie who can read minds who has to try and read a US senator or something??? I don’t even know at this point.

Anyways that’s the plot of this series

The actual books have so much focus on the actual mechanics of “ok you’re half hologram now what”.

If they go somewhere that doesn’t have good projector access, they’ll just not be visible there. Places with projector shadow include: on rides with lots of scaffolding, in certain weird corners, near trees. Places without projector shadow include: random offices, hallways, ect. At some point the authors went ok this is annoying as hell and now any random camera can project holograms. which. Sure.

Certain characters can go “all clear” where they become 100% hologram. This is usually accomplished by letting your mind go blank since light doesn’t have thoughts. The main character Finn can go all-clear even in his human body if he tries really hard.

There’s a couple interesting questions raised here such as “what happens if you go all clear while the power’s out and no holograms are being projected?” and “what happens if you get stuck in all clear?” These questions are never answered or touched on again.

Also a significant portion of the plot rides on the goddamn magic garage door opener. It’s referred to as the fob. In the first book there’s multiple. After the first book this is retconned saying that if two returns get activated too soon to each other their minds could get stuck in limbo (basically they’d die). Large chunks of plot are focused on “we need to move the fob between parks” or “we lost the fob” or “the villains stole the fob” or “Philby has to hack into Disney’s servers to Return us since the villains stole the fob” or “Philby’s cat shut down his monitoring program and now I’m stuck here until he gets home from school to return me manually”

They apparently rewrote the first three books (imo the only good ones) in 2020???? I mean I guess it makes since because the books were outdated when I read them and the majority of my Disney knowledge is from when my family went there in 2014. Which at that point was 10 years after the first book released.

Starting in book 6, they added an online website where people could vote on new plot points, and submit character dialogue. This mostly just added a bunch of random asterisks and made it really distracting to read the books.

I also just learned there’s ANNOTHER GODDANM SEQUEL TRILOGY with the main characters kids. I’m tempted to read this and find out if being a hologram can be passed down genetically.

I don’t know where I was going with this whole ramblings but anyways. I hope you learned something about this book series that heavily impacted my childhood. I promise I’m not a Disney nut I just like weird fiction books.

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins, names and character work

I figured out what I want everybody's superhero name to be and wrote out their explanations for why they chose their names to try to figure out how I want to write them going forward.

Steph (Spoiler, then Clue): I named myself Spoiler because I was going out to Spoil all my dad’s plans! And now I’ve named myself Clue, because after my father’s death I want the chance to turn his name into something good. Plus I’ve changed my goals for why I’m doing this whole vigilante thing. Instead of being someone who ‘spoils’ the plans of villains, I want to help people and show them the true way the world can be. It’s not enough to just stop the bad guys anymore, I want to protect people who can’t protect themselves or just need a push in the right direction.

Tim (Spoiler, then Paradox): After I was brought back, everything about me felt wrong. I was Tim, yet I had another ‘self’ crudely shoved in me…literally. I was supposed to be dead, yet I was alive. I was supposed to be a ‘good guy’, yet all I could feel was an onslaught of awful emotions (not to mention that I broke Bruce’s rule, I’m a murderer now). I was supposed to be Jack’s kid, yet whenever I pictured ‘dad’ two people who weren’t him came to mind. I was Bruce’s son and Steph’s boyfriend and Cass’s friend, yet they left me with him for so long…and I suppose I betrayed them back. I had friends who could literally hear my goddamn heartbeat and protect me from bullets and race to me from across the world, yet when I screamed until my voice was raw begging for them to help or free me from that hell or to kill me and get it over with they never showed up. *Sigh* So yeah, I was basically a walking contradiction. But Pierrot and I needed to agree. And he thought ‘contra’ was both too basic and that nobody would get it. So we compromised and now we’re Paradox. 

Pierrot (He’s just Pierrot): Ok, so I got to name MYSELF! Which is AWESOME but also a lot of pressure. I mean, I started existing 2 weeks ago and now Ra’s was asking me for a name?! Like, I just spawned, can I have a bit longer before I have to make a lifelong commitment? But he was an efficient man and wanted to initiate Tim and I into the League and he couldn’t do that if I didn’t have a name. I had 3 hours. So, I went to Talia. She had just had a kid and she named him, maybe she could name me! She wouldn’t do that, but she did give me a baby book. It was useless and I hated all of those names. I was down to the last hour when Tim suggested that I just take his middle name, which is JACKSON! And I thought, “Like I’m gonna name myself after his dad!” But then it got me thinking…what if I name myself after my dad?! The Joker TECHNICALLY wasn’t my dad, but he did make the chip and the chip made me! So I had it! I would name myself ‘Jack’ and trick Tim into thinking I did it based on his advice! The perfect plan. 

….Then once we left the league I decided that I hate my dad and also his name. So I changed my name to Pierrot. It fits into my whole ‘tragic clown’ bit and I like how it has the name first letter and amount of syllables that our ‘vigilante’ name has. Plus it makes me sound sophisticated!

…….Ok fine I also like Hatsune Miku and she had a song about a puppet clown named Pierrot and I went ‘hey I like this song! yoink’. Plus there’s also another Vocaloid song about a kid named Pierrot who kills people at the behest of their parental figure and like…hello?? That’s literally our whole thing. I thought that it would be a fun if I could use that as a reason to code Vocaloid sound-banks into the mask so I could sound like Miku whenever I felt like it. Tim is still vetoing that idea. But I think the idea of getting chased by Batsy and singing ’The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku’ while he overanalyzes the lyrics of what we’re singing and guilts himself even more would be SUPER FUNNY. It’d probably mess him up for WEEKS! I mean, we have the voice modulator and it can speed our voice up, why not use it for something besides sending coded messages to Bart! 

Dick (Spoiler, then Twist): I really don’t think that Bruce wanted any more kids. It’d been a few years since Tim died and everybody could tell that Bruce Wayne was a mess afterwards. The only times he really went out were for official appearances and to go places with Cass. He hadn’t made any new friends or even kept up with his old ones, everybody thought that any chance he had at moving on was caput. So when he adopted me after my parents died, I think even he was surprised. And I just kept surprising people, first by finding out about Batman and then by becoming Spoiler and then by being really good at it! So I guess my name kinda reflects that. It’s a way to remember my parents too. Some of my best memories of them were of us flying in the sky and having fun, twisting up and around in the air. 

Damian (Spoiler, then Hoax): When I first arrived, everybody figured that I was some ploy my grandfather had dragged my mother into. In reality she was trying to get me away from the mess that was the league, but they were all paranoid enough to run plenty of tests. To the surprise of everyone except me, and Paradox perhaps, I was as real as they come. But this did not mean they trusted me. In their defense, I probably would not have trusted me either. Mother had hidden a lot from Father, for good reasons but these were still betrayals, and everybody was already on edge after Timothy’s return. The mantle of Spoiler was withheld from me until I stole the costume and went out on my own. But everybody could tell I wasn’t quite like the other Spoilers, I was too good for a kid just starting out and far more brutal than any Spoiler ought to be. Thus, I was dubbed the ‘fake Spoiler’ until Father finally let me join him officially. My name spawned from these memories and the emotions that came along with them. And after Dr. Thompkins helped me with my ‘death’, it only became more relevant.  

Jason (He’s Spoiler! So what does the name Spoiler mean to him?): Steph picked a really funny name in retrospect. I mean, the phrase ‘No Spoilers’ took on a whole new meaning in Crime Alley after she started showing up! I’d be asking people not to tell me the endings of books and they’d think I was doing some funny business that I didn’t want the capes showing up to. We got more used to Spoiler over time and most of us kids actually started liking her. It was probably because she seemed…like us. She was a normal person, not some looming rich jerk like Batman. She could relate to us when we talked about our parents and gave us advice that came from experience, not a guy repeating the same canned advice we could find on the internet. Our feelings about the Spoilers changed depending on who had the mantle, but we always trusted Spoiler to help us out without also ruining our lives. They were kids and they understood us. So…I guess to me Spoiler is someone who understands people when Batman can’t. They’re a symbol that we can all make a difference in somebody’s life, we don’t have to be some meta-human or really rich to do what we can to help each other. …I really hope that I can live up to that.

[corishadowfang]

Questions for 15 Friends Tag Game

Tagged by @siarven--thanks for the tag!

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag 15 people.

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Uh...not really but also kind of for my legal name? It was the name of a character in a soap opera my mom watched, and she liked it enough to use it for me.

My chosen name...also kind of falls under the same umbrella, but for different reasons, and, uh...comes with a story. So like--I was really into fantasy stories when I was a kid/teen (I say like I'm not still into them now), and I loved making up "fantasy" names, which...basically just meant shoving a bunch of letters together until I got something I thought sounded cool. One of those names was "Coriora." For whatever reason, I fell in love with this name, and it's shortened version, "Cori," and I used it for everything. Pokemon nicknames, random characters, a self-insert OC...

And my cat. Who I adopted a few months before I made my email and FF.net account. Which is when I officially started using the name "CoriShadowfang" as my primary username online. Teenage me didn't even have the thought in her mind that she could possibly identify with the name "Cori" enough to adopt it as her own, nor did she think of the potential consequences of sharing a name with her cat.

...On the plus side, it's funny to call my cat "Cori Sr.," and watch how people try to process that.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Uh...I think Friday night? I'm pretty sure it was about something I was planning for a story, aha. (I cry VERY easy, haha, and the thing that spurs it does not necessarily have to be sad.)

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Do pets count...?

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

I was signed up for baseball, basketball, and soccer when I was a kid, though of those, soccer was the only one I actually liked. I ended up running cross country and track in high school (though after that ended up running only for fun, since, uh...the competitive part of that wasn't very enjoyable for me, aha). In college I did fencing, which I loved and often miss a lot, but there...really aren't many places that offer fencing around where I live. I did do some long sword for a while a couple of years ago; transition to that from fencing was an interesting experience, since the fencing muscle memory...did not go away. ("What do you mean I have to hold this with two hands?? ...What do you mean I can't just stab them?!") That ended up being pretty expensive, though, so I only got to take lessons for a few months. It was still fun, though!

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Depends on the situation! I use it a lot less online, because I'm worried about coming across as, like...rude or mean. When I do use it, it's often toned down a lot. Offline, it depends on who I'm around, and how they react to it. (Or if I'm just...getting really frustrated. Then it tends to come out more.)

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Uh, that's...a good question. Online, it's definitely their interests, and...I guess it's kind of also the same offline? If I'm given the opportunity, haha. Like--if I see you're wearing a Pokemon pin or reading a fantasy book or something, I'm immediately going to be focused on that, haha.

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Mostly blue; the bottom of my right eye has a patch of green in it.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Happy endings! I never got into scary movies very much, aha.

ANY TALENTS?

Uh...I guess writing probably counts? I'm also a pretty good distance runner.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

The middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania.

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Writing, haha; I joke that it's all I do, but uh...it really is most of what I do. Besides that, I like drawing, reading, playing video games, and hiking. I guess playing card games/board games might also count? But uh, I do that a lot with my friends and family.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Yes! Cori Sr. is still around, haha, and I also recently adopted a puppy named Luna. Obligatory pet photos:

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

5'4''

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

Probably unsurprisingly, lit/creative writing, haha. I also really liked most science classes, too; learning about nature was one of my favorite things in school, and any sort of labs where we could go outside and actually study plants/animals were amazing.

DREAM JOB?

If money weren't a concern, and I could just do anything I wanted for the rest of my life without worrying about how to pay the bills...I would love to just write stories full time. Writing really is one of the things I'm the most passionate about, and I'd love to be able to pour my all into it without worrying about getting too burnt out or needing to take on extra jobs to make ends meet. Maybe one day...

I will tag...wait I need 15 of you...uhhh @starlightwayfinder, @cq-studios, @recusant-s-sigil, @scalacaelumx, @hallowed-nebulae, @serenedash, @thetwilightroadtonightfall, @rosie-kairi, @fin-al-mix, @kicktwine, @zmwrites, @talesabound, @gotchaocha, @bookwormally, and @lightwithinthedarknessu, if any of you want to do this! Absolutely no pressure, though! (And feel free to skip/leave out any you might feel uncomfortable answering/don't feel like answering.)

[distortionswife]

One of my weird ass dreams that are TMA related

Tws for clowns, spiders, bugs, mentions of skin ripping, spider eggs, wax people, markings, clocks, ticking, going insane, mention of holes in the floor

I accidentally wrote it as a statement so enjoy. There's visual aids.

— Title: A gameshow with yours truly —

First of all, it basically started with me in some kind of room, I’m unsure what kind of room it actually was, it had like a window that stuck out like \__/ and in the middle stood a big grandfather clock, one with those swinging pendulum esc things. It was like 4:02 a.m.

I don’t know why I was there at all, but for some reason I was compelled to knock on that damned clock. And no, not on the cabinet bit. Nahhh that’d be too bland or something, I had to knock on the glass of the actual clock, 10 times to be precise.

And when I did this, a smaller third white handle appeared. It started at the 6 and made it’s way to 12 oh so slowly, I felt less and less at ease the closer it got to that 12.

Time itself had stopped in the meantime and I could NOT escape, the door was simply painted on the wall, even though I could literally remember walking through it. I held the doorknob, but it wasn’t there.

I couldn’t look outside either, and I tried, trying to see if anyone was even there or if it was just me. But it was just the moonlight, an infinite meadow spreading. The white handle was at 7 by now and I honestly finally had my survival instinct kick in, still trying to find something to maybe break the windows, but the closer that damned handle got, the more the room seemed to be a decoy.

Once it hit 8, I could hear laughing, various people, all quietly and as if they were laughing at me. And so it started feeling like there were people watching me, mocking me.

It soon hit the 9 and I couldn’t see the clouds move anymore, they were stuck like some fancy painting.

So then I just waited for it, there was quite literally not any way out as it was either fake, or I was imagining it. Which is the same, but y’know. At least the door seemed real enough.

When it hit 10, the floorboards creaked and seemed more withered, while they were in quite the pristine condition when I stepped in. Now they had holes and splinters, all sorts of things skittering underneath.

I turned my face to the luxurious chair in the corner as it hit 11, as behind it there was a bookcase from which many books fell.

The chair was made of a skin looking leather, I didn’t really want to feel or think about it, but it probably was skin.

And then it hit 12, and all the sounds stopped at once, I remember just staring at it, the door to the cabinet slowly creaked open and I was grabbed with 8 pairs of hands and pulled in, blacking out for a moment and waking up in a very spacious area.

I was standing up high, on some kind of platform, I could see a window in the background and a jungle gym esc thing in front of me, the flooring looked like those puzzle piece mats they have for toddlers. It was strangely dark, there was a polka dot and stripe pattern on the wall. I tried to see who was behind the glass, to see who was watching, but I could barely see her.

Yeah, her, you can guess who I mean. A certain ringleader.

How did I know this was her? Because her voice blared from the few speakers placed around the area. She was excited about it and that honestly terrified  me.

Either way, I just listened and all I could think was oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck and not in the good way.

BECAUSE IF SHE IS EXCITED, ITS GONNA BE BAD.

I still remember what was said:

“ Ah! Look who’s finally awake! ” she quite literally giggled,

— and I would love that excitement if it weren’t ME that was in there. —

“We’re going to see how our lovely girl is going to do in this little show~”

The light’s flickered on and I finally saw the weird fucked up playground with half alive people. Why half alive? Because their skin was still attached, but only half. So they were in complete agony, and they were apparently promised to remain alive if they killed me. So you can guess what I had to do, if not, here was the lovely explanation of the way too excited Nikola:

“They have to get through our weird little- or well, it’s actually quite large.” She laughed again.  “Quite intimidating if I may say so, they might not even make it out!”

Everyone gave her a moment to laugh, she’s having fun, and we love her for it but it still makes me anxious.

So she continued after quite a psychotic laughing fit, “And they have to get through it alive~ Which isn’t guaranteed, but we’ll see how far they can get! Everyone is allowed to attack, because those who remain alive, will definitely survive after the show.”

Obviously not, but y’know, little gameshow survival test esc thing to see something??? Test something, probably.

Either way, a timer was ticking down slowly, she was encouraging me that violence was very much encouraged and would even make it more fun.

This convinced me it wasn’t only her that was watching, more on that later.

So she continues on how I would probably die, but it’d be a real something if I even made it through THIS room alive, let alone the entire thing, but maybe I was smarter than she thought. She then joked I was also the one easily distracted and lured by pretty lights so she doubted it.

She told me to make her proud and I was shoved off the high platform, landing on the softened floor of foam pads. There were like 7 fucking half skinned people, aggravated and very ready to kill me.

So I ran, finding something as I ran, it was on top of the humongous climbing jungle cube thing. ( See the aforementioned art )

But there was a metal pipe there and I just immediately grabbed it. From that view I could see the way ahead, it was around a corner and there was a ladder going to a higher platform. The half skinned ones were crawling their way up the jungle gym and I immediately figured I had to defend myself.

So I Elias Bouchard-ed this shit and committed brutal pipe murder.

It worked, and over the speakers I could hear Nikola absolutely Cheering

“ ALL OF THEM TOO ” she laughed excitedly, voice still booming through the speakers.

And I could hear Helen laughing, which is fun, totally. I don't know why she was here either, but we'll find out later.

Either way, I had a moment to look down at what I was wearing, and I was literally wearing a ringleader outfit, but just a cheap one, Halloween costume. It was apparently a gift, meant to ‘encourage’.

Then I just bolted it to the fucking ladder and I escaped section one.

The next was far worse, and I had a feeling Helen worked on it with her because it was very twisted, literally.

Everything was as if I was way too fucking drunk, everything moved and spun around. There were wax works that were apparently working like those angels from doctor Who, not moving when I looked at them while also needing to run to the end.

The path was full of holes to step into or trip over and I could NOT look away from them. We won’t talk about how there were ‘fun’ button pressing tiles that made blades and actual fucking scythes swing from the sides or the ceilings, or brought sharp poison tipped spikey squares up.

They would paralyze me.

Somehow I avoided ALL of that while finding a lighter, it had the web pattern engraved on it and I was fearing that another was here.

But I figured, ‘Hey, doesn’t fire melt waxworks?’ So I looked away until they all horrifyingly stood behind me and quickly turned around, clutching a piece of the broken flooring I still had, it was wood and burned well.

I threw it at them and they did all burn, with the HORRIBLE effect that I then found out that there were still alive people within, just coated in wax. Because there were horrifying screams as soon as they burned, still having their skin and all. I kind of watched for a moment, mostly in horror.

Hearing the same psychotic laughing fit come from the speakers as she went “SURPRIIIIIIIISE”

Absolute psycho, I still adore her.

So I go into the next room, once I finally got there, was a lot more… eerie. It was just quiet and I couldn’t really see anything beside from what little light the lighter gave me. But there were eyes looking back at me, trying to take the lighter away or snuff out the light.

So I just ran, and it turned out to be an endless hallway until I stopped and turned around after an hour, seeing a door.

I just went through it, no thought, and came to a room that makes me genuinely sick because it was filled with spider eggs.

But big ones.  

And I broke them, on accident, which wasn’t the worst thing, except for the millions of spiders trying to crawl onto me.

What was worse, is that I was soon chased down the room by a huge fucking spider creature. And yes it’s the one you’re thinking of.

So I ran as hard as I could, breaking more and more eggs and just trying not to look down. And I finally got out, and I just heard a very soft.

“ A break sounds good, they’ve been running so long.. “

But I didn’t trust the sinister laugh that came after, and I shouldn’t have, because the break I got...

It knocked me out and I woke up in a hospital bed, the bloody metal pipe on a cabinet, and my arms tied with leather bounds. A doctor came in and figured it was about time I arrived, seeing as I was clearly seeking this type of attention.

Do you remember Dr David?

I do.

I hate him.

THAT was him.

And in the moments he was away I eventually got out, seriously cutting up my wrists, but getting out and because I didn’t want to run around in such an outfit I got redressed in the one I was given, waiting with the pipe for Dear old David to return. I knocked him upon his head, but he didn’t get knocked out, simply saying

“ we’ve got a runner. "

And so here we are again, running… again.

Did I take Helen’s door? Without a second thought, and that was, as she claimed it to be, “My actual break”

And it was, she gave me tea and laughed at me for a bit, mostly saying which actions were stupid, and that she’d give the full explanation at the end.

If I’d make it.

But she had a feeling I could have. More so because of the instinct to kill if it meant I’d live. She found herself funny for giving me the pipe. Yes, she made a joke about the pipe not being just for old men.

And then she shoved me out through another door, and I was in… London..? But I wasn’t me.

I was invisible, in a way, everyone I knew from there was simply talking about me behind my back, things like it was better I was gone, hoping I’d stay gone for once, just a nuisance, how stupid I was, all that. But way way worse.

And it kept going when I walked away, the voices following and I was honestly too tired to run, so I walked. Hands covering my ears as I tried to hit the others, simply phasing through them.

I’d find my way to the circus, as I know it, which got the response “ aww, they found their way back home… Just like a dog.” from a certain clown

( for context in one of my first dreams I stupidly walked into the circus and she's kind of been following me in the dreams that I have had )

I ignored it and kept walking, finding my way to be walking down. And I just turned around, nope, I wasn’t going there. Nope.

And that apparently did it, because there was ONE last confrontation, which was that goddamned anglerfish and the room that came after.

The anglerfish was easy, I just had to turn away and not get sucked in, then I landed in one final room. It felt infinite and had millions of clocks ticking at different moments. Breaking the clocks after 20 minutes worked.

And then the sight around me faded and I was simply left in a waiting room, or the room you wait in before you get an interview for an internship.

And I was called in.

And it was finally fucking over.

And there they all stood, all three of them, big smiles all around and just looking so proud.

And I didn’t know if that was an insult or compliment, but I just sighed and collapsed, being caught by our main girl, Nikola, in a hug.  A bit too tight but it was whatever.

Don't expect her to hug without hurting someone, if she even dares to do it in the first place.

I had apparently been away for 4 fucking months, that’s how long the entire ‘test’ had taken.

And it was designed for me, especially for me, and I passed it. There were all sorts of praises and then I got the critiques, compliments and many questions.

All three agreed that it was fun to watch, especially the murder parts, nobody expected it apparently, but it was a pleasant surprise according to all three.

Nikola's favorite part was the waxworks being melted.

Helen liked how I didn’t hesitate to go through the door she made, not realizing how much was her doing, the same with the other rooms, it gave her quite the ego boost.

They explained what was their idea and how fun it was to see me go through.

( I found it less fun, but I just imagine that it was because they had a lot of fun, probably were able to feed A LOT. )

And eventually it was just Anabelle who gave me something to drink because I deadass was about to pass out, and she talked the most. I was told to go home and celebrate... my last birthday? Since the rest would be spent here with them and maybe the others from the institute, but not if they had a say in it.

Well, both Helen and Anabelle said it’d be good to let me still go there.

So Anabelle brought me back to the clock with a grin and said “ You didn’t think I had absolutely nothing to do with your arrival? By now I figured you could’ve guessed~ ”

And I just nodded and she helped me through safely and I was home again, being told that I could only go back once, but if I wasn’t there after my birthday, they’d come get me anyway.

So we skip to my birthday, it was fun and apparently nobody questioned why I was gone, I got gifts that felt blurry but were good apparently.

And then I suddenly had a breakdown in a college level and filled classroom, talking about the clocks and I knocked 10 times on all 10 in the room, taking everyone to that place.

To Annabelle’s, where Helen and Nikola were too, and I didn’t realize what I did until they were all there. All 57 unaware, now terrified people.

And I just said, “Well, they can’t go back so I guess it can be considered a gift? I don’t have plans with them so just- go wild.”

And then I collapsed.

And I woke up with more marks, see the below sheet for reference. I also found out the entire thing was broadcast, like in BINARY.

— That's all folks ! —

Please tell me if you want me to post more dreams because I've got them all written down from the start, I'll just begin at where it all began, literally.

I can also make an au from this because I do have ideas for TMA aus but let me know!

[frodothefair]

Frodo and Rosie?

So, someone on Ao3 brought up the notion that I could've written Flowers of Mordor also as an OT3, perhaps involving Rosie instead of Marigold. Of course, it wasn't a suggestion or concrit, just an observation, and I said that the way I imagined Rosie, I could not see her with Frodo in any romantic or sexual way -- they are simply not right for each other.

But then, ever since I have been thinking... why not Rosie and Frodo? Granted, this would be a case of heartbreak rather than an OT3, because poly in any capacity is not my cup of tea, but hear me out...

To begin with, here's my view of Rosie, based on what little we know of her in canon:

She's assertive, direct, and has a sharp wit. She basically got Sam to marry her by giving him a tongue-in-cheek ultimatum.

She is feisty and brave, even contrary. When her mother warned her there are "ruffians about," she still broke into song.

She probably brims with endless energy. Having thirteen children, you pretty much have to be that sort of person.

She has several brothers, and no sisters. Every woman I know who has grown up in this environment is not necessarily more masculine, but more self-assured and independent.

She has no known (direct) trauma from the Scouring -- that is, she wasn't in the Lockholes, wasn't kidnapped or violated. If she had trauma like that, Tolkien probably would have mentioned it. Though that's not to say that she was not deeply affected.

In fact, as a result of all of the above, in FoM I've conceptualized Rosie as a bit of a firecracker. She is a natural leader, loves to be the center of attention, and is fiercely protective of her friends. She knows what she wants, and she often gets it. We first "meet" her standing in the middle of the kitchen, telling a "hilarious" story and waving a ladle around as a prop. Sam may even be a little bit afraid of her, and swears that she can read his mind. She is also a little bit manipulative with Marigold, but not in a bad way -- she simply knows which emotional strings to pull. In good time, she will have her own emotional reckoning and her own vulnerable moments, but I won't spoil those yet.

Now, a person like Rosie is perfect as a wife of a pillar of the community, which is what Sam eventually becomes, but can a person like Rosie be with Frodo? Maybe, especially pre-quest Frodo who is more active, but pre-quest Rosie, who is a farmer's daughter, would not have been remotely in the running as a match for Frodo until the War of the Ring (much like WWI) erased many a social boundary.

But more than that, I ultimately felt that Frodo is too head-in-the-clouds, too nerdy and too weird for Rosie. Unlike Marigold, Rosie probably has little interest in books or faraway places. She is more prosaic and maybe altogether "too much" with her love of the spotlight, whereas Frodo, especially post-quest, needs plenty of time to rest to think and feel things that others have no idea about. Marigold, being more introverted and a deep thinker, and also traumatized in her own way, is the delicate flower whose company he needs.

Anyway. Let's say all of the above is true.

And yet, just because two people don't seem to "work" on paper doesn't mean that they can't fall in love, against all odds and logic.

So hear me out...

What if... what IF Rosie marries Sam, and then they move into Bag End, and slowly, ever so slowly as she takes care of Frodo, and listens to his tale, she gains an understanding and a compassion for him that she never thought possible? What if his trauma and courage win her fiery heart, and pity turns to devotion, and then to more, and then Rosie realizes one day, with horror, that she married the wrong hobbit?

And then there's more... Perhaps... Perhaps Frodo could easily feel the same, and succumb to the Florence Nightingale effect, but on account of his illness, he would feel unable to be a partner to anyone, and would be forced to reject her. And then Sam, upon guessing, or perhaps finding out for a fact, would volunteer to step aside, and Frodo would refuse to accept it.

And then what if... what if THIS is the real reason Frodo leaves for Valinor?!

Wouldn't that be trippy??????!!

@konartiste @emmanuellececchi

[whumpsday]

i'm gonna talk about my very first ocs because i feel like they deserve it :) when i was a kid i didn't quite have the imagination yet to create whole worlds, so my ocs were often inserts into existing things i was into.

this is a very long post with a lot of useless personal information, and is more a diary entry than anything.

i had many more ocs than what's listed here, but i can't remember most of them, so here are just the ones i remember.

childhood:

at 7, the very first oc i can ever remember making was Maya, a pokemon oc. she was the fourth member of team rocket in the anime canon, and could shapeshift between being a human and a celebi. i remember her being "older" but that could mean anything from a middle schooler to an adult.

also pokemon-related but not quite an oc, i had a lot of fakemon around that time. the only one i remember was a raccoon-like one named Tyco.

at 9, soon after was Tanya, a fairly oddparents oc. she was a little girl who was friends with the main character.

at 10, i really got into oc-making, and the next bunch are all from when i was about 10.

i started getting into "somewhat whumpier" things and made my first "edgy" oc, Deepheart, for warrior cats. she was a black cat with purple eyes and a tragic backstory i can't remember, who eventually got with stormfur.

i was very into danny phantom and continued my tragic backstory experiments with Chelsea. she was a ghost and the younger sister of ember (she was basically an ember recolor) who died in the same fire. she also had fire+music powers, but a polar opposite personality to ember (she was nice).

i can't remember the specifics or names of the ocs i made for a bunch of these, but i also made oc-inserts for the following around this time:

total drama island - multiple ocs, i think i had a whole fancast, which was the closest i got around this time to making an original story.

monster buster club - character existed to be friends with chris, who was my favorite. she was a monster in disguise or something of that nature.

percy jackson - i definitely had one and i was REALLY into it, but can't even remember what god she was a daughter of.

in middle school as i entered early teenhood, i started reading YA books. sadly, my taste was not that great.

preteen:

at 12, i made Chelsea (reused the name from the danny phantom oc because i just rly liked the name), a twilight oc. she was the first vampire oc i ever made, so i guess she was the start of All This. she was the youngest cullen at 14 years old (i do not remember if this was a chronological age or just a physical age and i think i was too oblivious to realize just how significant that difference was), and had a Forbidden Romance with seth, the werewolf kid.

at 13, i realized i could have ocs that were boys! a fantastic revelation! technically i already had ones from the total drama fanseason i had in my head but they were all side characters. made my first main guy, Oliver, a scott pilgrim oc and ramona's 8th ex-boyfriend.

i made a LOT of other ocs for YA books in middle school, but i don't remember much about the others.

teenhood - homestuck:

at 15, i got into homestuck, and that was when things got out of control.

i started with a literal self-insert with my birthname, who eventually got split into 2 alt-timeline versions of herself (i was a girl at the time), one who went with dave and rose during the timeskip and one who went with john and jade during the timeskip. when they met back up, they fell in love and got together, which i think might be the truest expression of self-love i've ever had.

but it didn't end there. i got really into making fantrolls, and made TONS of them. i don't remember their names very well (esp bc they were all made up alien names) but i remember my favorites: a bronzeblood with an eyepatch whose name started with a P, and a violetblood whose name started with an I.

the violetblood was probably my first true whumpee. while violetbloods are normally amphibious, he was born with lungs that don't work, and was forced to remain underwater at all times since he could only use his gills. when sgrub caused the apocalypse, he had a little tank he would stay in on the ship. and when gamzee started killing everyone, he couldn't get away.

this was also where i branched out into creating original characters not tied to an existing IP!!! FINALLY!!! it all started with fantrolls. i made two more significant sets of fantrolls: one centering around an abnormally overpowered purpleblood who had his memory erased and used to be a cruel whumper-type (and a set of supporting characters to go with him), and one centering around a purpleblood who'd been tortured and the lowblood who acted as his caretaker. you can tell i was very much getting into whump at this point, despite not yet knowing the term.

i eventually decided that homestuck's lore was not equipped to carry the stories i wanted to tell for those two, and split them each off into original universes. i am not into homestuck anymore and it's really a relic of its time, but it impacted me quite a lot creatively.

teenhood - original stories:

the amnesia guy came to be named Nova, my first wholly-original character. he existed in a magic/fantasy type universe, and was the most powerful magic-user in his world. he'd previously been extremely evil and caused untold carnage, countless people tortured to death. the heroes, after realizing they could not stop him, decided to try to wipe his memory instead. this did, in fact, work. Nova became a character saddled by EXTREME ANGST about his past wrongs. to make it worse, his pre-memory-wipe evil self eventually started to slowly come back as a separate entity in his mind, essentially haunting him. i daydreamed about Nova for a long, long time, and occasionally still do.

the whumpee-caretaker duo became Dwar and Clobu, members of an original alien species i came up with. unlike Nova's story, which became so divorced from his fantroll beginnings that his origin was basically unrecognizable, this one remained heavily homestuck-inspired. the aliens here were grouped/inspired by the layers of the atmosphere, rather than the signs of the zodiac. Dwar (the whumpee) had skin that looked like the night sky, dark blue with stars all over, while Clobu (the caretaker) looked like a cloudy day. they were pretty :) these guys are a very very early inspiration for the Kane & Jim dynamic.

i also started making non-IP-related ocs without "converting" them around this time. in particular, i became very interested in demons.

first i made Charlie, a teenage demon raised by humans who just wanted to be A Normal Kid. he played the guitar and used tumblr and was all in all very nonthreatening and normal. he was a bit boring.

at about 16, i later made Nicky, a "redo" of the Charlie concept but with more pizzazz. his mother had brought him on a hunt (for humans to kill and eat) while he was an infant, and she was killed by a demon hunter. the hunter couldn't bring herself to kill the baby, so she took him in and raised him instead. Nicky's story is very very long, because he is the only oc from my childhood i still regularly daydream about to this day, and i have been building him up for a decade. some highlights:

accidentally burns his adoptive mom when he's a little boy who's just gotten his fire powers, and it's what makes him realize he never wants to hurt people. she forever has a scar shaped like his tiny little 5-year-old hand.

demons generally need to eat human flesh to be healthy. this is obviously not something Nicky wants to do or even feasibly can do when he's younger. he eats a lot of other meat (mainly pork), and is basically constantly hungry. he carries jerky around with him all the time to snack on.

as a young adult, he and his (human) best friend (mutual pining crush) are stuck in a cave (entrance blocked by rocks) with a bunch of demons waiting to kill them when they leave. Nicky knows he's not strong enough to defeat them, but he could be if he wasn't malnourished. in a moment of desperation, his friend ends up giving him a few fingers to eat so they can make it out alive, and he feels guilty forever that it's the best thing he's ever tasted.

his mom is killed by demons in a fight in his early 20s, and he goes on a ballistic rampage murdering everyone in sight. after this, he runs away and ends up moving to hell.

when he's in his 40s, he sees a little human girl who's been captured and brought to hell, and quickly rescues her. he can't find a way to smuggle her back to earth, so he ends up raising her in his apartment.

when he does eventually get her back to earth years later, he moves in with her dad and they co-parent. becomes a love triangle thing with the dad and his childhood friend who he eventually reconnects with- not for the usual "you have to choose one!" reasons that i hate, but because his relationships with each are honestly very tumultuous.

my other early demon oc was Crimson, a magicless demon who'd been captured by hunters and tortured until a kind hunter rescued him and became his caretaker. this character would later become Kane, but originally there was no "former whumper" backstory, he was just a pathetic little guy.

at 16, my other main obsession as a teenager was dangan ronpa, and of course i made several dangan ronpa ocs whose names i can't remember. one of them was a girl who had a fierce rivalry with togami. i started getting into g/t around this time, and liked to play around with that with my dangan ronpa oc for some reason. i don't know why, it's not like DR had any kind of g/t in it. but i would always imagine a story where togami became tiny and he and my oc came to a begrudging alliance as they tried to fix it.

i also ended up converting this into an original story, taking place in a low-fantasy universe, where a bully character Damien got shrunk by magic, kept in a jar, and was tortured by some of his former victims. his one victim who thinks this is fucked up (can't remember his name) rescued him, and they put aside their differences to fix it. i just love reluctant caretakers and whumper-turned-whumpees.

and that's all the notable ocs i can think of from my childhood! figure they deserve at least a small space on my blog :) and i still might write Nova, Nicky, or Damien's stories someday.

[asterrrrion]

Just saw someone on pinterest saying "idk is Verlaine french" and actually you know what this is the last straw. So, I'm french, I've studied both of those authors in middle and high school, and it's time to discuss what they were really like, because I see a lot of information on japanese authors going around in the bsd fandoms and the american authors generally don't need to be introduced.

So, first off, to start with the obvious, YES. Verlaine is french. So is Rimbaud. Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine are both very famous 19th century french poets. Actually, Rimbaud is arguably the most famous french poet ever, and usually the first author you ever study in poetry when you study french literature. Verlaine is, today, mostly known for his association to Rimbaud, although his poems are still read.

Starting off with the less mentally unstable of the two... Paul Verlaine. Which, if the only thing you know about those authors is bsd canon, is probably surprising to you. (But tbh, I have so many questions about WHY they were represented like that in BSD.....) Fair warning, though : the less mentally unstable of the two isn't saying much. Both of them were complete madmen.

Paul Verlaine is this guy :

Ironically, Paul Verlaine is his birth name. He was born in 1844, started to write in 1858 at the age of 14, and died in 1895 at the age of 51. His most known book is his first one, Saturnian Poems, published in 1866, so if we ever get an ability name, it'll probably be that. Saturnian, because at the time, Saturn was considered to be the planet of melancholy, which in the 19th century didn't mean a weird sort of nostalgia, but rather an undiagnosed depression. He's the archetype of the tortured poet - a concept he majorly theorised himself -, basically, and was either appreciated by his contemporaries as a genius poet or depreciated as a mad asshole (most of which is due to his story with Rimbaud).

He got along "well" with his mother, except for the part where he tried to murder her because he was sad the girl he loved married someone else and then died. More seriously, his parents loved him, and his father passed in 1865. His relationship with his mom was both very loving and very violent - as I said, murder attempt, but he lived with her also -, and he was in love with his cousin, Elisa, an orphan who was raised with him. He wanted to marry her but she settled for a rich guy and then died giving birth in 1867. Afterwards, he got very into alcohol and violence. He then finally married Mathilde Mauté, 17, for whom he wrote a few love poems. They had a son a few years later.

He wrote a shit ton of poems, I'm not kidding. He's mainly known for Saturnian Poems, but also a bit famous for his erotic poetry - which i'm not a big fan of,,, -, mainly because he wrote both about men and women.

His literary movement was the Parnassian movement, whose main point is to make art for art, for beauty, and to detach art from any notion of usefulness.

He was, as a whole, a piece of shit. He beat his wife and his son extremely violently, sometimes almost to death. His wife divorced him after four years of marriage, in 1874.

I'll do the next part introducing Rimbaud soon, I guess, and then probably a last one to talk about their relationship.