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olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

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I wanted to ask you about radical feminism (TERF-ism & TIRF-ism). Radical feminism never seemed to be *necessarily* some of the really bad things that people on this blog say it is. For instance, everything roach-works says it is in an earlier post. There are at least some people I've read who are part of the movement of radical feminism (whether or not they would self-identify as that) and who really don't espouse any of the views in roach-works comments. (1/2) Thinking of the list of points

From nothorses - the people I’ve read (e.g. Iris Marion Young) *do* espouse many of these, but not so in a way that has to lead to these more extreme views that roach-works mentioned. One may not agree with them but they don’t seem so bad to me? Are they? Am I a terrible person? It disturbs me to hear something with the word 'feminism' in it denigrated so harshly, and it always seems to me like the views get mixed up with the worst half of the people who believe in them. (2/2)

(Appendix...) I feel there's a lot of truth in SOME of the views that nothorses correctly ascribes (i. m. o.) to radical feminists, in particular: "Women are all miserable with their bodies, cursed with the pressure to reproduce and have sex with men. ... miserable with their genders, forced as they are to ensure the overwhelming and constant suffering that is patriarchy." Is it just that the "all" makes the views too strong? Or is there, for critics, a more fundamental problem I'm missing?

I've seen some much nicer, saner people self-describe as radical feminists and object strenuously to how I see radfems... However, all of them still kept talking about porn in terms that only make sense if you're talking about the evils of the mainstream industry, and moreso the mainstream industry of the 1970s (which is when a lot of this rhetoric comes from). And yet this attitude gets over-applied to porn in general, regardless of medium, working conditions, or level of economic necessity involved in its creation.

The attitudes I think are pretty much universal in this ideology, and universally shitty, come out when they're confronted with fsub content by and for women.

Yeah, yeah, "mommy porn". I'm not saying Fifty Shades of Grey is well written or not kind of embarrassing, but when people start bleating about how confused womenfolk will get bad ideas from it, you should be suspicious, whether they're radfems or fundies.

"The hot billionaire falls in love with me for no reason and does all the work to make sex hot while I lie there like a dead fish" is a common fantasy. It really doesn't say anything about the woman in question, nor does it make the patriarchy stronger.

The big one to look for from nothorses list is #5:

Sex, in particular, is more often exploitative than not. Only some kinds of sex are not exploitative. Many kinds of sex that we think are consensual, or that people say are consensual, are either rape or proto-rape.

This is saying "BDSM is rape", which is something that most radfems do think once you scratch the surface. Rape roleplay is also rape and furthering the patriarchy.

Even if they make some small allowance for informed adults doing BDSM in some strict environment with specific rules, show them 50SoG and women's right to choose goes out the window. Sure, the relationship in the book looks pretty unhealthy, at least at the beginning, but the thing being criticized is readers' right to choose.

Even the radfems who support butchness and don't think butch women are gender traitors will usually be assholes over trashy wank material like 50SoG.

And once you open the door to "your libido is political", you've started down a very dark road that leads to a bunch of naturally kinky tumblr teens sitting in their bedrooms, staring at their computer screens, and wondering if they're a future rapist because they like a/b/o or sex pollen or something.

I get where you're coming from. Maybe you're in a context where most women are pretty miserable. But I'm not. I was raised by a mother who thought diets were stupid and telling your daughter what you think of her body is active child abuse.

Being a victim of abuse, including "you're too fat" type abuse, is neither inherent nor unique to women. Sure, women tend to be under the microscope, but so are lots of people.

As an upper middle class anglo white woman in the US and moreover as a woman who looks fairly conventionally femme even with my very hairy legs (much to my annoyance), I honestly don't experience that much policing. I already, through no fault and certainly no merit of my own, conform reasonably well to the "neutral" standard of white womanhood. My male equivalent would be the most unmarked in the US, but I'm only a little marked.

What this gender-obsessed analysis misses is that it's not about womanhood: it's about failing to be the "neutral" default. Poor people fail. Black people fail. Asian people fail. Disabled people fail. At least in the US. In Japan, third generation Korean-Japanese fail. Burakumin fail despite being ethnically Japanese due to having been a separate caste for centuries.

"Intersectionality" on social media tends to get used as miserypoker: the speaker with the most listed oppressions wins the argument and you should signal boost them or you're a bad person.

In actuality, what intersectionality means is recognizing that gender and sex may sometimes just not be very important in a given person's life if they experience enough privilege or if, conversely, they have such a profound lack of privilege elsewhere that this other identity overshadows gender in terms of their lived experience.

Radfem ideology says I must prioritize Woman out of my many identities. But, in reality, I feel more kinship with bisexual men than with lesbian women. I feel more kinship with kinky straight people than with bisexuals who want AO3 and pride parades to be nothing but g-rated hand holding.

I get that it's upsetting for people to be railing against something called "feminism", but that's like saying that disliking the Jews for Jesus makes you antisemitic. The whole point is that a lot of people feel that radical feminism is pretty anti-woman in many of its core values.

I don't think you're a bad person. I do think that some of the underpinnings of radfem ideology lead directly to sensitive people who are concerned about such things wondering if they are.

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ladymaigrey · 4 years ago

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Enneagram and DD/Defenders – Part 2 – Matt the Reformer

Find all the posts in https://ladymaigrey.tumblr.com/tagged/enneagram (or go to my blog and look for “enneagram” tag)

gif courtesy of @dead-fandom-support-group (see her other enneagram gifs here)

TL:DR – The Reformers are perfectionistic and idealistic, with strong drives to “do good” and little patience for any perceived failure. Quick to anger and guilt-prone. Certain, stalwart and arrogant on the outside, they question themselves on the inside: are they actually “good”? are they sure they are right?

When under stress, they can become narrow-minded, self-centred and dramatic (movement towards Type 4 - Individualist).

For balance, they need to learn how to relax and let-go a bit - let the world spin on its own for a little while (acquire some characteristics from Type 7 - Enthusiast).

Matt: in addition to fitting Type 1 description (and often going towards Type 4), also has some characteristics from Type 2 – Helper, particularly the tendency to put the needs of other’s before one’s own, to the point of martyrdom.

The Reformer - in general

The Reformer has a strong value system about what is right and wrong and is quick to judge themselves and others in accordance to these norms. They are perfectionistic, but practical. They struggle to tolerate ambiguity or subjectivity, preferring objective facts and categories. They like to plan, organise, control, impose order over chaos.

The Reformers are their own harshest critics. They can be quick to anger if they see themselves or others falling short of their ideals. Yet anger often causes guilt, if they believe that a truly “good” person should not get angry. Therefore, anger is often suppressed out of conscious awareness. Still, it tends to come out in expressions of righteous indignation, sarcasm and guilt.

They are quick to argue, moralise or instruct – because they Know How Things Are Supposed To Be. Yet, internally, they are often worried that they are wrong, that they are not Good. Although they may question themselves on the inside, outwardly they will struggle to shift from their position because admitting they are wrong is too threatening to their idealised self-image.

The Reformers are over-responsible. At extreme, they can get burned out with carrying their unrealistic “shoulds” and “musts”. They struggle to relax and have fun.

According to Wagner (1980, p. 60) “They identify with St. George slaying the dragon, crusading to make the world a better place to live in.”

Research participants identified (or identifying) as Type 1, also tended to have high Conscientiousness (Big-5) scores and high Sensing (S), Thinking (T) and Judging (J) scores in MMPI test.

Matt the Reformer

Judging on the basic outline and, particularly, that St George quote, Type 1 fits Matt well.

His definition of “doing good” is to defend the little guy against injustices and stand up to the unjust strong and teach them a lesson. He is perfectionistic, highly conscientious and disciplined when it comes to his goals - a legacy of his Dad’s insistence on academic diligence, Stick’s drilling, and his internal drive to protect and see justice done.

He is very certain of his direction on the outside, defending his position with a bull-headed obstinacy to rival the Punisher, but he questions himself on the inside. He is often plagued by worries that he is not, in fact, “good” or “just” at all – worries that he most likely internalised from his childhood, from those who admonished “Be careful of the Murdock boys, they have the Devil in them.” Therefore, he feels like he must forever prove his goodness to himself. He is over-responsible to a ridiculous degree, taking it as a personal goal to prevent all injustice he “can” (i.e. that he is within an earshot of, and his earshot is looooong). Whenever he “fails” - guilt and rage follow. Rage (and violence), in turn, feed into his guilt and self-doubts about being “good”. Sometimes it seems that he is more guilt-ridden than an old farmhouse is ridden with termites.

For all of Type 1s’ practicality and need to control, when it comes to pursuit of goals and facing threats, they tend to make decisions instinctually, based on the product of their perceptions and gut-response. Matt Murdock is an allegorical embodiment of this concept. He responds to what his senses tell him – responds immediately and, often, drastically, without pausing for thought or communication with significant others. For type 1s (and other “gut” types 8 and 9), this often stems from the belief that “life is a battle, and their weaknesses must be tested” (Zuercher, 1992, as quoted in Hook et al., 2020), and THIS IS THE MOST MATT-DESCRIPTIVE STATEMENT I’ve ever read in a peer-reviewed psych article!

In addition to Type 1 characteristics, Matt shares some Type 2 characteristics (in Enneagram parlance, that would make him a Type 1 with a Type 2 wing). Specifically, Matt seems to take pride in denying his own physical and safety needs in order to meet the needs of others, as per his self-imposed responsibilities. This type of martyrdom is more characteristic of Type 2s (Helpers). At the same time, the occasional over-the-top drama that goes with that martyrdom is characteristic of Type 4 (Individualists).

Although, to be fair, it is always difficult to judge psychological state purely from behaviour. So, it is debatable whether his tendency to put his needs last is driven more by his Type 1 perfectionism (i.e. his internal need to do “good” overpowers his other basic needs), or his Type 2 martyrdom beliefs (i.e. the belief that his suffering is immaterial, and even required, in the face of the suffering of others, and that he only matters when he helps others). As @ceterisparibus116 and I discussed sometimes ago, it seems that martyrdom tendencies tend to raise their head when he has faced some kind of “failure” or setback - when he is feeling low regarding his life and identity. At such times, it is perhaps a heightened need for self-sacrifice – to prove his goodness and worthiness through meeting the needs of others to the detriment of his own - that may contribute to some of his more painful (and draMattic) physical excesses.

Then again, human psychology is a mudbath and it is never clear which rising bubble is driven by which underlying motivation.

(As an aside, I do think that the DD-fandom (myself included) has embraced the Type 2 martyr!Matt more than the canon actually suggests. He is often written in fics as forgetting or forgoing his basic needs (including food, sleep and medical care) in order to constantly give of himself to others. I wonder if, on some level, it reflects the real-life tendency to react to Type 2s – the “humble” Helpers – in a more positive or warmer way than the “arrogant” Type 1 do-gooders.)

Anyway.

When faced with crisis and failures, Matt does tend to move towards Type 4 (Individualist), as suggested by the Enneagram theory. He becomes dramatic in his sense of uniqueness and messiahnism; also – self-isolating, liable to be impulsive and making self-destructive decisions. His thinking narrows down myopically to the sole pursuit and defence of his goals. Although his goals as Daredevil revolve around “saving” others, being Daredevil is a large part (if not the whole) of what defines his life’s meaning to him. Therefore, his narrow focus at these times of high stress, and his prioritisation of Daredevil’s goals above the feelings and goals of significant others, is suggestive of a strong core of defensiveness/self-protectiveness. The righteousness of his aims is, in part, a psychological mask; it is a demand for others to excuse his poor relational behaviour on the basis of the specialness of the burden he chooses to bear.

That is not to imply that, when Matt stands up for his identity and his goals to his friends, it should only be regarded as a sign of self-centredness or depression! Telling those, who persistently refuse to accept someone’s truth, that ‘this is who I am’ – as he does to Foggy in Seasons 1 and 2 – can be a sign of positive self-regard and self-esteem. Similarly, when Matt gravitates towards the Type 4 Elektra and attempts to embrace some of her ideals of putting personal wants before duty, it is driven by a healthy impulse to balance the obsessive nature of his goals. Or, at the very least, to share the burden.

Matt is also capable of behaviors that, according to the Enneagram, balance some of the unhealthy extremes of his Type 1 characteristics. Although he is serious and driven most of the time, he is also capable of relaxing and having fun (which is a type 7 characteristic – the balance archetype for Type 1s). Although Matt is perfectionistic, it isn’t driven just by guilt and fear - he also wants to reach his targets (e.g. excelling in law school) for the sense of achievement it gives him (which is a Type 3 trait). He practices some mental and emotional self-care, leaning into the benefits of meditation which, at least in theory, should allow him to switch off from his over-thinking and judging, and simply be touch with his internal sensations without reactivity.

Finally, I think the fact that Matt doesn’t totally disavow his anger but, instead, finds a productive release for it while punching crime in the face, is overall a healthy(-ish) impulse. His anger has a specific role in his goals. Therefore, he has, at least partially, solved the dilemma that plagues Type 1s, i.e. that their anger means they can’t truly be “good”. Only partially though, as he certainly still has plenty of self-doubts and internal guilt trips (see the “why did God put the Devil in me” conversation with Father Lantom in Season 1).

Wagner (1980) advises that, in order to achieve psychological balance and free themselves from the overwhelming perfection of their world-altering goals, Type 1s need to learn that,

“The universe is not perfect, yet, but it is unfolding as it should. Be patient, God isn’t finished with me, yet.” (p. 113)

To me, this advice seems similar to the idea of the Tapestry that Father Lantom spoke of to Matt (see conversation between Matt and Sister Maggie in S3e13). Enneagram, being theistic in its origin, makes many allusions to the perfection of the Process by which the world works and of the Divine Thought guiding it. This axiom states that all moments and all creatures within this process are perfect in themselves and in their place. Perceptions of imperfection come from the Ego, which is of the mind, not of the Divine original essence. Serenity – the lost virtue of Type 1s – comes from trusting the perfection of the process and the Divine Love guiding it.

By the end of Season 3, Matt appears to have made some steps towards accepting this premise. At least - intellectually. Maybe.

References

Wagner, J.P. (1980). A descriptive, reliability, and validity study of the Enneagram personality typology (Doctoral Dissertation). Retrieved from https://ecommons.luc.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3108&context=luc_diss

Zuercher, S. (1992). Enneagram spirituality: From compulsion to contemplation. Ave Maria Press.

#enneagram #psychology #reformer #matt murdock #daredevil #defenders

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onceinsomniac · 4 years ago

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Hey can I request a scenario with Sua from Dreamcatcher where her and the reader get into their first argument but they make up at the end? Thanks

Author’s note: First of all, thank you so much for being the first person to request something. Sorry it took a couple of days but I was trying to make sure it was good. I’m honestly not completely happy with how it turned out but I hope you will like it anyways. Also, I kind of accidentally went off script a little on what was requested and it was my first time writing Y/N so I hope it turned out well.

It’s Always Been You

You were sitting in a park bench, drenched to the core and wondering how exactly had things gotten to this point. You weren’t expecting things to turn out this way when you first awoke that morning. In fact, you had actually been really excited. After all, it’s not every day that you can celebrate your first-year anniversary with the love of your life.

You could still remember the day Bora had first come into your life as clear as if it had been yesterday.

You sighted exasperatedly for what had to be the fifth time in the last 10 minutes. It was the first Friday your demanding boss had given you off in what felt like forever and, after sleeping through the morning and most of the afternoon, you had been looking forward to relaxing on the couch with your favorite snacks and binge watching the new season of your favorite drama.

Your plans had been derailed, however, when you opened your kitchen cabinet only to realize you’d forgotten to stock up on said snacks. Or on food in general, really. You were used to spending most of your time at the office and eating there and since your job kept you quite busy you didn’t have lots of friends visiting you so you tended to forget to do the groceries more often than what was probably considered normal.

You felt annoyance fill you as you hastily shoved on the first pair of jeans and oversized hoodie you found. You could have easily foregone the snacks and just watched the drama but your unhealthy obsession with junk food meant you would now have to make a quick trip to the closest convenience store.

You took a quick glance at the alarm clock sitting on your dresser, surprised to see that it was already nearing eight pm. At least that explained the growling in your stomach considering you hadn’t eaten anything all day, to busy catching up on sleep. You walked out of your small apartment, shoving in your earphones and hitting shuffle on your playlist, quietly humming along to the song as you walked to the convenience store located a block away from your apartment.

You usually preferred walking places rather than driving, as it helped you think, and you had never really felt unsafe walking through your neighborhood but this time you could have sworn you could feel eyes staring at the back of your head. You quickened your pace, eager to get to the store which was right ahead. You quickly entered it, immediately feeling safer in the bright store than you had outside, where darkness was quickly descending.

Once inside, you walked over to the snack section, quickly forgetting the weird feeling you had felt, to busy trying to decide what to buy. You took your time deciding between barbeque or onion chips before deciding to get both. You had just moved to the chocolate aisle when you heard a scream coming from the other side of the store. You didn’t think anything about it as the scream sounded full playful. You simply rolled your eyes at people making so much noise before upping the volume of your music.

A few minutes later, you finally had everything you were looking for and were making your way to the cashier when two girls caught your attention. One was really short while the other one was quite tall and the shorter of the two was clearly the culprit of the screams you had heard earlier, considering the screeching that was still coming from her as she playfully hit the other girl on the arm, a huge smile on her face which seemed to grow as the annoyance on the taller girl’s face also grew. Although you could clearly see the fondness in the taller woman’s eyes even as she seemed about to hit her back.

Both women were beautiful but something about the shorter girl made you unable to move your eyes from her. Maybe it was the way she didn’t seem to care about the fact that she was in public place and was just having fun, or maybe it was the noisy laughter coming out of her, full of unadulterated joy. All you knew was that something about her called to you.

You were so busy staring at her that you didn’t realize that your staring had been noticed until you felt a pair of eyes looking at you. You turned to see the taller of the two looking at you weirdly, probably wondering why you were standing in the middle of the store staring at her friend like a creep. You felt yourself blush furiously at being caught before forcing yourself to look away. You quickly went to the cashier and paid for your stuff before heading towards the door.

It was there, however, that you saw that darkness had fallen while you were buying your stuff and remembered the feeling of being watched while making your way to the store. You stood by the door, hesitating and wondering if you should call a cab even though your apartment was just one block away. You stood there for a few minutes contemplating your choices when a voice broke through your thoughts. “Is everything all right?” a voice asked. You turned around to find yourself face to face with the two women you had noticed earlier. The taller of the two had been the one to ask.

“Oh yeah. Sorry. Am I blocking the door?” you asked, thinking that was why they had stopped to talk to you on their way out. “No, it’s okay. We were just wondering why you were standing motionless at the door. Especially considering the store’s about to close in five minutes”, the shorter one spoke this time. You had been so busy looking through the store you hadn’t even realized it was almost closing time.

“Oh. I’m not… I wasn’t…” you stuttered, not sure how to explain that you were too scared to go back out. “Do you live close?”, the shorter one asked. Usually you are very wary of strangers and wouldn’t tell someone you didn’t know where you lived but apparently your brain didn’t get the memo that the person asking was a stranger, albeit a very beautiful one. “Um, yeah. I mean. I live a block away”, you answered. “Great. We can walk you. It’s dangerous to walk outside after dark, right Yoohyeon-ah?”, she asked the taller woman who quickly nodded her agreement, a knowing smirk on her face. “I’m Bora by the way. And this is my friend Yoohyeon.”

“Hi, I’m y/n.” you answered. You stood there for a few seconds thinking of a way to respectfully reject Bora’s offer but she didn’t give you the chance. Before you knew it, the woman was clinging to your arm as if you were friends and dragging you outside. “It’s very nice to meet you y/n” she said.

As you all walked towards your apartment, you stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. Bora didn’t seem to mind, however, as she chatted on endlessly even though no one was answering. You were admittedly a little weirded out by the shorter woman and turned to look at Yoohyeon questioningly but she simply shrugged, apparently used to her friend’s eccentricity.

Once there, Bora finally let go of your arm before taking your phone out of nowhere. “What are you doing”, you asked her. “I’m giving you my number. I’m guessing you won’t mind considering the way you were looking at me back at the store”, she said. You found yourself blushing once again at the implication that she had caught you staring. She then gave your phone back to you, sending you one final smirk before turning to leave. “It was nice to meet you y/n”, Yoohyeon said before following after her friend.

You shrugged off the weirdness of the interaction and entered your apartment. You had just settled down on the couch to finally watch tv a few minutes later when a music note rang from your phone, warning you of a new message. You stared at the screen, watching the message from the unknown number. “Hey, so I was thinking of going to dinner tomorrow but its kind of unsafe being out there alone at night. Want to return the favor?”

A small smile made its way to your face as you could just imagine the smug smile the older woman was probably wearing at what she perceived to be a smooth move.

Dinner the next day had gone better than expected as you got to know the other woman better. You had quickly realized she was actually quite soft underneath the flirty exterior and she had made you laugh more during the dinner than you had in a long time. It hadn’t taken you long to accept her offer of taking you on a second date.

Things had moved quickly after that and soon you were in the best relationship you had ever been in. It had been a whole year and not once had you guys fought. Until now.

You had been so excited to celebrate you guys anniversary. You had woken up early in order to prepare for the day. You would have liked to spend the whole day with her but Bora was in the middle of preparations for a new comeback and she had to spend the day in the studio. It was unfortunate but you understood what you had been getting into when you got into a relationship with an idol and you fully supported her dreams, even if it sometimes meant you didn’t get to spend as much time together as you would have liked.

It was for the best anyways, you reasoned, as you were going to spend the whole day in the kitchen cooking up all of Bora’s favorite foods anyways. You knew Bora thought you guys were simply going out to a restaurant that night but you were planning to surprise her with a romantic, home-cooked dinner instead, feeling it was more intimate.

And so that’s how you spent the morning and afternoon, running around your too small kitchen cooking, and looking at your phone, wondering why Bora hadn’t yet responded to the message you’d sent her that morning wishing her a happy day and telling her you couldn’t wait to see her that night.

You figured she was simply to busy with practice to check her phone and shrugged it off. By 8:30 you had finished setting up the table, lighting candles and putting flowers in the middle to set the mood. Now all that was left was to wait for Bora to come home. You checked your phone once more, feeling a little annoyed at the radio silence but once more thinking it wasn’t Bora’s fault that she had to prepare for the new comeback. You knew she had been really stressed lately and had been staying even later at the company to practice more.

You watched as 8:00 became 8:30 and soon after 9:00 and still there was no sign of your girlfriend. You weren’t sure if you should feel angry or worried at this point. You decided to be understanding and wait a little bit longer but by the time 9:30 arrived you were starting to get seriously worried. This was so unlike Bora. She was usually always on time and would always make sure to call or text you if she was going to be late.

You called Bora once again only to get no answer, just like the last dozens of times you’d tried. Worried, you decided to call Minji. You were quite close to all the other dreamcatcher members thanks to Bora, but you were especially close to the leader and you knew she always answered her phone. “Hey y/n, shouldn’t you be out celebrating your anniversary with Bora?”, she immediately asked once she answered.

Confusion filled you once again. “I thought Bora was with you guys. She hasn’t come back from practice yet. I assumed practice had run late once again and she’d forgotten to call me”, you told her. There was silence on the other line for a few seconds. “What are you talking about y/n? We only had practice until noon today. Bora said she was looking forward to some plans she had made. We assumed she was talking about you guys anniversary?” she explained.

You felt annoyance creeping on you. “Thanks Minji”, you answered, ignoring the older woman’s worried questions and hanging up. You suddenly remembered that both you and Bora had downloaded the find my friends app so you guys could locate each other in case anything ever happened. Resisting the urge to slap your forehead at having forgotten such information, you opened the app on your phone and were surprised at finding the dot that represented Bora to be at a bar located about 20 minutes away.

You quickly made your way outside, calling an uber as it was already dark outside and you had stopped walking outside during nighttime after you had met Bora. At least alone as the older woman had scolded you one too many times and told you how dangerous it was. You waited anxiously for the uber to arrive and once it did, you quickly got in and told the driver the directions to the bar.

The ride took no more than twenty minutes but it felt like a lifetime to you. Once there, you quickly thanked the driver before hopping off, making your way into the bar. It didn’t take long for you to recognize Bora. She was sitting in a table with another woman, laughing at something she said, a drink in her hand.

You could feel jealousy forming in the pit of your stomach. You’d spent all day working your ass off for her and here she was spending your anniversary with another woman. It seems she was able to feel your glare as she suddenly turned in your direction, her eyes meeting your own. You expected her to look ashamed or guilty, but her smile only grew at the sight of you.

“Jagi, you’re here”, she exclaimed, making her way towards you. She grabbed your arm and started walking back, clearly intending for you to follow her but you remained motionless. She turned to look at you, confused, and finally saw the anger you were clearly trying to hide. Her smile faded quickly. “Jagi, what’s wrong?”, she asked.

“What do you mean what’s wrong? Maybe the fact that you’re spending our one-year anniversary with another woman”, you spat out. You noticed how shock quickly overtook her features. “What on earth are you talking about, y/n? Our anniversary isn’t until Tuesday.”

You chuckled darkly. “It is Tuesday Bora. Maybe you’d know if you had bothered to read your text messages.” Realization seemed to wash over her as her face turned guilty but you didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Without another word, you pulled your arm from her grip before running out the bar, ignoring the shouts for you to stop.

You kept running, almost as if you were trying to outrun the pain. Eventually, you found yourself in the park located near your neighborhood. It was the same park where you and Bora had had your second date and where you both had spent many weekends together. The park was empty at this dark hour and you made your way to the closest park bench before sitting down.

Your heart ached at what had just happened. Knowing that you had been so excited, waiting eagerly for this day to come, only to realize that clearly the day didn’t mean as much to Bora as it meant to you. You suddenly felt a jacket being thrown over your shoulders, shielding you from the rain you hadn’t even realized has started.

You were so lost in your thoughts you hadn’t even realized it had started raining. You felt the person sit besides but you refused to look at them, recognizing your girlfriend from the familiar smell of cinnamon and vanilla that seeped from the jacket that now hung around you.

“Jagiya, please look at me”, she pleaded. You refused, staring straight ahead. You heard her sight before you felt fingers grasping your chin, turning your face so your eyes could meet hers. “Jagi, I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough but I’m truly sorry. I just had so much on my mind and I’ve been so stressed out about this comeback that I completely forgot. I know it’s not an excuse. You deserve better than someone who would spend our anniversary with someone else. But I promise you that she was just an old friend from school. She was in the area for a job interview and she texted me so we could catch up. I swear if I had remembered our plans I never would have gone.”

Your heart clenched at the sadness in Bora’s voice. You knew she was telling the truth. You knew her to well to know when she was being honest. But that didn’t mean you weren’t still hurt at how the day you had been so excited for had turned out. “I know you would never cheat. It’s just. Seeing you with her made my insecurities flare up”, you admitted.

“I’m sorry”, she said. You could see how much she meant it by the sincerity in her tone. “I’m sorry”, she repeated, hugging you tightly against her. “It’s only you, I swear. It’s always been you.” She whispered in your ear. And for the first time that night, you felt like everything was going to be okay.

#request #dreamcatcher scenarios #Sua x reader #kpop scenarios #Dreamcatcher

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helpicant-stop · 3 years ago

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You are legally required to tell me your favorite book in the series (TSS and The Bad Books even if I haven't found a copy of it yet) and paragraphs on why (optional)

you've already reblogged my post about it lol but here i am again

book four, contrary to what most people believe, is in my opinion, the best book in the series. everybody's character arcs are just in that perfect climax of a tipping point where they're almost but not quite there in the beginning, and the journey in book 4 finally makes them hit it.

we're shown another amazing look into the inner workings of the cultish midnight sun from glob's outside perspective, and we even get to see cass finally get to talk to her ancestors and a young cabbage face.

we got to see cass realise, even if not directly acknowledged in text, how someone can be beautifully feminine yet powerful at once like anastasia, and see that as evidence in book 5, she makes visible steps to portray her more feminine side. we get to see how she realises how max-ernest's sometimes difficult mindset proved to be helpful to her, and see for herself the incredibly real truth of the situation overglamourised by the tale of cabbage face -- hermes isn't the highly intelligent, charismatic hero the terces society thinks he was, but he had a big heart and pure intentions and that was enough for cass.

we get to see how close max-ernest and cass have grown over the past years, with him even admitting that he sees her as a sister. we get to see his unhealthy mindset and possibly correlated chocolate addiction flourish while cass is in a coma, and how right before he wakes up he finally gets enough courage to talk again.

we get to see yo-yoji finally live out being a samurai like he'd always wanted to but couldn't, how both his guitar skills, which lily didn't approve of, and his samurai training, which she did, equally help in the story.

we got to see the awful extent of what the midnight sun's brainwashing can do to people in benjamin blake, and the possible psychological and physical treatments they could have given him for his demeanor to chabge so suddenly after a firm hit on the head.

we got to see daniel and glob's close friendship that, despite the lack of discussion and ample amounts of banter, is clearly very close.

we got to see how the terces society coped in these situations, ranging from obsessively trying to search for solutions to sending out undercover missions and research.

my favourite book in the bad books is the finale, bad news!

we saw the familiar yet unfamiliar grown-up cass' core personality shine through in sifficult situations, and her fond memories of her friends, all of whom are still avid terces society members. we got to see her bonding with people who was her age when she first got into the terces society, teaching them and even feeling fond towards clay for being max-ernest's brother.

we saw clay use his animal communication abilities to his full extent, and how he's finally fully at home within earth ranch. we see his now far less strained friendship with brett and leira as they walk him through the unfamiliar keep, and his new confidence and friendliness with the people around him, when he was basically just an angry shy child in bad magic. we see him acting more comfortable when ariella visits for the second time, and his better understanding of dragons come to use

we see flint's arrogance finally come to a head, how he handles dragons differently from everyone else in the book. we see his anger and change of heart as he betrays the midnight sun and leaves miss mauvais, riding off to somewhere far away.

we see miss mauvais' cycle of manipulating minors break as everyone turns on her, with amber and flint leaving, her employees betray her (as opposed to how it was in the midnight sun spa, where nobody so much as asmitted its existence), and every single dragon immediately attack her once they get their freedom.

we see pietro in the other side, content with his life as he lets clay in. this part was short but i loved it and all its old callbacks to tss

we see satya's admiration of cass and see her slowly stand up to the keep and miss mauvais, how the arrival of cass and clay even made her more confident in herself and her abilities.

#the secret series #the bad books #pseudonymous bosch #bad news #this isn't what it looks like #{censor bar}'s tss brainrot #asks!!#ironic +D+

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altairattorney · 4 years ago

Note

In response to your little rant about Homura's depiction in Rebellion, here's this.

"The end of Rebellion is... controversial, but let's unpack what happened here. What occurred?

Well, firstly, Homura was traumatized and tortured; the Homura at the end of Rebellion is not the Homura of PMAS; she's gone through trauma and loss that PMAS!Homura can't even conceive of. She literally turned into a fucking witch because Kyubey gaslit her into thinking she made up Madoka Kaname, according to Wraith Arc.

Then, during this process, she learns two important facts that fucks her worldview: 1) Madoka didn't want to leave her loved ones and give up her normal life if she had any other alternative, and 2) Kyubey is trying to destroy the Law of Cycles (that is, Madoka Kaname), and has figured out a means of stopping her from interacting with Magical Girls under controlled lab conditions, meaning they could eventually succeed in their objective.

That means if Homura let herself go into the Law of Cycles, she would be unable to protect Madoka, and the Incubators would eventually destroy her. Madoka will have been erased and forgotten with nothing to show for it. Homura could only cope with everything with the promise of being reunited with her and the solace that Madoka's sacrifice was worth it, and Kyubey took that away from her.

And, more importantly: Homura's wish had yet to come true. Homura's wish wasn't to be with Madoka, or to save the world. It was to protect Madoka. To be the one to protect her.

To put it in other terms, Homura was self-loathing to the point of suicide-ideation because she was worthless, good for nothing, a burden on everyone. That she should just die. Madoka saw worth in her, and tried to change that, but Madoka died.

Only one person in her entire life ever told Homura she was happy to have met her and this wonderful, kind, happy, heroic, courageous, beautiful, miracle of a person who walked into her life to tell her those words died.

DIED. FOR. HER.

Died to protect her. Died so that a worthless piece of SHIT like herself could live. Someone who had EVERYTHING in the world died with a smile to protect someone who didn't even want to. Not without her.

Not instead of her.

She was good for nothing before and now her mere existence caused the best person she'd ever known to die. She ruined Madoka's entire life by having been a part of it.

She has to fix it. She has the chance to.

She wishes, wishes, WISHES to go back, to unfuck this, to undo this, to be cool like Madoka said she could have been. To protect her. To be her shield. To be WORTH something because she protected something valuble. To pay her back for all her kindness like she'd never been able to do and finally, finally in her life, have done something that justifies everything else.

She didn't wish for Madoka to live. She didn't wish for her to be saved. She wished to be the one to save her so she could support her and reinvent herself as someone who isn't a garbage shit person.

And every single time, she fails.

No matter what she does. No matter how she compromises herself. No matter what disgusting sins she does (and she never crosses so many lines that she says she WOULD cross). Madoka keeps dying.

And most of those times. She dies for Homura. She dies, again, for Homura. She dies again and again and again and again in order to help Homura.

Until the very last time, she wishes to save Homura (and everyone else), so much that she never existed at all.

Dammit. Dammit. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. This is worse this is WORSE THIS IS WORRRRSE!

But she still tries to cope. Madoka's in heaven. She's saving everyone. Madoka had a smile. The world is BETTER, and she'll see her again.

Until the above happened. And Kyubey is going to destroy Madoka Kaname. She won't have ever been born and she won't even be saving Magical Girls. She'll truly be nothing.

Because she came to save Homura, fucking AGAIN.

And all this time she still never saved her. Never ONCE saved her. Not a single time has she ever, ever, EVER fucking saved her. Not ever, has she ever saved her, not even when Madoka made her final fucking wish.

Homura made a wish that never came true. So she never stopped being Good for Nothing. She has never made up for Madoka's kindness. She has never, emotionally, left that moment where she sobbed over Madoka's dead corpse in the water and the rain. And she's done that so many fucking times.

So that's her mindset. So when she saw the chance. She took it. If you can interact with Madoka, you can effect Madoka. So.

God dammit. Fucking for once. Fucking finally. This time, her last chance she'll EVER HAVE... she will save her.

Save Madoka Kaname. Not a vague concept. Not a hero. Not a law or a god. Not a cosmic idea. Madoka. KANAME. The person who smiled at her and said she was cool. The person who helped her buy a cellphone. The kind, wonderful person who loved and named a stray cat and pressed her face to hers and laughed and congratulated her for her accomplishments. The person who said that meeting Homura was her happiest memory.

Why can't this person, of all people, be happy? All Madoka Kaname wanted was to live her fucking life. With her family. With her friends and classmates. Living her day to day life which wasn't anything special but it was so special to her.

She WILL save her. Goddammit, she failed so many times because she always kept holding herself back but if this is her last chance then GODDAMMIT fuck it all, damn herself too.

She never cared, really, about being with Madoka. She was willing to die for her. She explicitly had plans to leave the town to Kyouko after Walpurgisnacht and LEAVE (probably to kill herself so her Witch didn't come for Madoka). She was going to die for her in Rebellion so that she'd be safe from the Incubators.

If she could save her, if she can finally succeed and protect that human smile living her human life, it's fine if Homura Akemi isn't a part of it. If Madoka can smile, she doesn't have to smile at her anymore. That's PERFECTLY FINE.

So she did it. She stole a piece of the Law of Cycles. Not a big piece. Not the Law, or the Power, or the Salvation. The Law of Cycles still functions in some sense, because there's still no Witches, there's still Wraiths, there's still Angels.

She stole "Madoka Kaname", the human being that the Goddess used to be. She stole her, yes. She took over the universe, yes. But what did she do?

She made it so Madoka Kaname existed, again. Reunited with everyone she cared about. She gave Kyouko, Mami, Sayaka, and everyone else the happiest lives she could give them without undoing their pasts (disrespecting their agency and core selves), even if it was only to keep Madoka happy in her silver garden.

She tortures Kyubey but no one's crying tears over that fucker. She seems to be letting the world run its course as naturally as possible, save for suppressing people's memories of what's really going on.

Sayaka, alive. Nagisa, alive. Living with Kyouko and Mami respectively. Madoka, alive.

Hell, the only change she made that we know of to Madoka's memories is three years in America.

Because, canonically, English is Madoka's worst subject.

And now, she's great at it.

No matter what it takes. Madoka Kaname will be happy. She deserves it. And Homura will make that happen, even if she, herself, never is.

But yeah go off about how Homura is a yandere stalker who likes to kill people."

Hey there! I thank you for your post and your insight, and I wanted to clarify that I don't disagree at all with this view of Rebellion and how it ended. I think it is all correct, actually. The problem I have with it is 1. Rebellion existing at all, and 2. the way they portrayed her choice as an act of evil conceived by a demon.

To begin with, there are a few details that I don't think really make sense considering how pmmm worked. Homura shouldn't even be a witch, first of all. Secondly, even though she cannot know for sure, I don't think Homura would have willingly told Kyubey about the world of before if there were any danger. Heck, I don't even understand how Kyubey could possibly have stolen Madoka, now that she is not an entity but a literal concept, a rule of the universe. Imo that is beyond absurd. Third, I am doubtful Homura would have gone against Madoka's wish, even though I totally understand why she did in the context of Rebellion.

The problem I have with Homura is that people thought about her as a yandere emotionless stalker who has an unhealthy obsession with Madoka even before Rebellion existed. That was a popular sentiment, and the big, big problem I have with this film is that while what she did isn't inherently bad or wrong - as you explained - the movie paints her as a LITERAL DEMON in the moment she makes that choice, and ALSO at the exact same time she declares her love canonically. That is so fucked up in so so so many ways. As not literal it may be, they gave her that creepy smile, and show that Madoka is confused in her new bubble and feels like she is someone else but can't remember why. And Homura brushes it off. As wonderful as it is that she is there, Madoka is uncomfortable, Sayaka is obviously enraged and Homura plays the part of the Evil Character.

This is just all so unfair and so wrong. It doesn't only negate the way this anime ended - and of course Homura deserved to go with peace and quiet like everyone else. No magical girl has to ever suffer like that again, including Madoka, right? (There were so many ways to reunite her with Madoka, but no.) It also visibly paints Homura as being on the dark side, and validates the horrific lens people saw her character through even before the film. It canonizes her as a lesbian in the same moment she is doing something clearly framed as wrong, and, on a surface level, reinforces her obsession. This is just a textbook predatory lesbian trope. I am sorry if you don't see it the same way, but it is just horrific to me.

I will never agree with Rebellion existing. I cannot stand the ending of this anime being undone and Homura being punched in the face and further tortured both in universe and as a character, after all the crap she went through. It is just disrespectful.

And as I said, she deserved better.

#Pmmm #Pmmm rebellion #Pmmm spoilers #Long post

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tcrumb · 4 years ago

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What’s in a Song?

I am musically illiterate. I know none of the technical terminology and honestly half the time I can’t tell what instrument is being played, but I know what kind of sound I find appealing. This is my attempt to describe what I hear in a song.

The song I am choosing to dissect is Stepping Stones by Eminem. Now this isn’t one of his more complicated songs, or his better known ones, but it’s one I enjoy quite a bit. When it comes to Eminem I have a deeply unhealthy obsession with him and his music, so I know the general backstory to this song. The lyrics take the listener through the rise and fall of D12, the rap group Eminem was in with some of his childhood friends. He raps about how the group peaked in 2002 and were doing great globally until everything fell apart when Proof was murdered in 2006. Proof was one of the more prominent members and the group and Em’s very close friend. When he died Eminem sort of spiraled, dealing with addiction and depression and didn't know what to do with D12. No one’s solo career ever ended up taking off and the group couldn’t survive without Proof. The core message of the song is Em loves D12 and everyone who was once in it, and he will always support his friends, but D12 is over.

The tone and flow of the song is works well with its message. The beat sounds like thunder at points. I hear a lot of kick drums and snare, those are the only beats I can clearly pin down. The track has the intensity of running if that makes any sense. Em sounds firm yet apologetic nope, guilty. He has a line that he delivers as if this has been weighing him down for a while now. The line is

“And by the time your reign is over, you'll hardly be missed You start thinkin' of all the artists you gift, all the carnage you left Is this the kinda karma you get For turnin' your fuckin' back on Bizzy, Kuniva and Swift? A Freudian slip, subconsciously, I honestly wished I ain't feel so much guilt and y'all didn't harbor resentment But it's hard to pretend that y'all ain't got none of this”

There are also moments on the track where he’s singing, and in my experience, I could be wrong, Em tends to sing when it’s something deeply personal to him. Example include Hailie’s Song, which was a song to his daughter, Difficult, a tribute to Proof, Going Through Changes, a song about recovering from addiction, and many others. There are exceptions but that’s the theme I’ve picked up on.

I can’t forget to mention the rhyme scheme on this song. Something that I love about Em is that he doesn’t just piece words together, he can string together entire phrases that rhyme. A great example of this is

“Bacardi in hand, never thought the party would end One minute you're bodyin' shit, but then your audience splits You can already sense the climate is startin' to shift To these kids you no longer exist”

I will go on forever if I don’t stop now. I love the storytelling, I love the beat, I love the flow and rhyme scheme, and I all works so well together. Give it a listen, it a song that doesn’t get enough attention and I feel they are missing out.

#eminem #d12 #going through changes #hailie's song #difficult

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mrsuperman90 · 4 years ago

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Northern Downpour.

I’ve wanted to write something for a while. Never really knowing what to say.

I don’t know if I’ve reached a brief point of clarity and perspective in my life but I think perhaps it is time I was far more honest. I know if I were to read back through my posts, I will find years’ worth of words dripping in self-centred, manipulative, abhorrent bullshit. I know I have had the luxury of recreating my memories of relationships with a patchwork of convenient justifications that place the blame anywhere but where it belongs. With me. I’ve twisted words and hurt people that I obsessed over to an unhealthy degree. To an offensive degree.

I don’t doubt this critical reflection that I am currently engaged in will be overwhelmed by my own insecurities in time but I hope that isn’t the case. Some strange changes in my life have made me look at myself and try to analyse who I am at my core. There are a lot of lies in there. I have found it difficult to navigate what has happened and what I have told myself happened, coupled with the persistent snapping back and forth of hissing shadows, it’s tough to know just how far I pushed my luck with so many people. The answer, I know, is too far. I feel I should respect those people by staying far away. However hard I think I find it to keep my distance; it must have been harder to escape.

I often write about my mental health and my deeply self-indulgent fixation with self-destructive behaviour. I still deal with my issues poorly. I’m working on that. I hope I have grown; I hope I am capable of not breaking the life of someone else I care about. I was an asshole for a long time, which looking back I can see very clearly; I know I have a long way still to go before I even approach being a decent person, but I am thankful I am in a position where I can see some degree of an improvement. Knowing how harmful I have been to my friends, seeing exactly how my actions were not just harmful but insidiously so, in an attempt to undermine their own identity and project my own interpretation onto them instead, that makes me very aware that I have a huge capacity to dehumanise and damage others. It also highlights the importance of growth in my own life. Am I capable of moving forward? Worthy of it, or ready to allow someone close enough again, perhaps I’ve not learned enough? The moment seems to have gone… the chattering has returned. Candles are dimming and I doubt my integrity again. I’m still chasing ghosts. Heart and head. Grey daylight is creeping up the vague horizon and the stormy night sky is pouring its heart out. My clouds are pretty heavy too, and yet my dirt is dry as a bone.

#personal #mine #diary

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anythingstevenuniverse · 5 years ago

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*SU Spoiler* SUF Predictions

We finally got the first teaser trailer for “Steven Universe Future” and did it deliver! For a 30 second promo it was packed with so much new information! With this information, I wanted to put my thoughts on what might happen. After watching some YouTube videos from RoundTable, Toon Ruins, and Cartoon Universe, I wanted to put my own thoughts from what might happen in “Steven Universe: Future”. Instead of examining clip by clip in order from the promo, this will be how certain clips will relate to future episodes of the series. Let’s get cracking!

(I was going to use GIFS and Pictures, but the site I use was not working so if you have seen the trailer you know what I am talking about and if not go see it!)

1) Steven is showing a new Gem around Little Homeworld

It seems there is a new Gem that has been recently uncorrupted. At first, they may look like a corrupted Gem due to the horns and mixed-colored spots, but they are more humanoid then monster like and seems to have full control of themselves. Much like Jasper, the effects of corruption are still shown in their appearance, but it does not affect anything else. Steven is showing this new Gem around little Homeworld: Garnet teaching a group on meditation or yoga, an art class taught by Vidalia, and Bismuth forging something with the Heaven and Earth Gems. All is peaceful and we get to see how Gems can chose their leisurely time. We get to see how new Gems react to choosing a new life on Earth and seeing other Gems live their lives. This part is more of how a complete Little Homeworld and new Gem society work on Earth and how Gems can choose their way of life. This will be a pretty light-hearted part to their series.

2) Pink Pearl Returns and Things Get Messy

By far a favorite I cannot wait to happen is the return of Pink Pearl! She has been an alluding character for such a long time, and many have wondered what has happened to her since she was freed from White Diamond’s mind control. We see many clips of Pink Pearl. First off we see a clip of Pink Pearl loving day dreaming with eyes shining happily with a Pink Diamond silhouette in the background. This could tell us she has not gotten over Pink Diamond and in fact may have an unhealthy obsession with an idealized Pink Diamond. She knows the story of Pink Diamond and that she is no longer alive, yet she may be in denial and decided to keep the past memory of Pink Diamond (much like Pearl throughout the series). This leads to the eye cracking scene which is by far the scariest part because how is it possible? Gems are made of light and their bodies are an illusion meaning a crack and one that is expanding is nearly impossible on their physical form. So, we must ask why it is starting to crack. We notice she is smiling while the crack is expanding. This smile is the same one used when she was mind controlled by White Diamond. This could be either out of habit from being controlled for so long or the truth about Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz do not align with her idealized version and the more denial she is in the more the crack grows. Then we have two clips that are interesting: Pearl defending Pink Pearl and Steven covering his ears. These may be happening together. If Steven covers his ears before Pearl defends Pink Pearl, Steven is upset at something and unleashes the powerful yell of Pink Steven causing Pearl to shield Pink Pearl as seen form the direction her eyes are looking down. If Steven is covering his ears after Pearl defends Pink Pearl, that means Steven has done something and will likely feel guilt and anger. This arc will be very important to Steven trying to solve his own issues as Pink Pearl will most likely reject Steven and compare him to Pink Diamond causing the first glimpse of his identity crisis.

3) Famethyst Fun to Serious about Rose Quartz

We get to see the Famethyst again most likely at the zoo! But notice how they go from laughing to serious in a quick second. The Famethyst are usually playful and silly and seeing them become serious means something is up. We also see a glimpse of a Rose Quartz. We are not sure if this Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond or the bubbled Rose Quartzes. But Rebecca Sugar did hint that we will see the bubbled Rose Quartz in “Steven Universe: Future” and notice how this Rose Quartz has a soldier uniform instead of the dress. Upon seeing a Rose Quartz this may bring some serious issues to Steven as it will relate back to his mother.

4) Aquamarine Ruby Fusion is Coming

We have no confirmation that the fusion is Aquamarine and Eyeball Ruby. Both Gems have bad history with Steven. Eyeyball tried to kill Steven in a bubble trapped in space and was an eye witness testifying against Steven’s trial. Aquamarine along with Topaz kidnapped Steven’s friends and used dirty tactics to get Steven to come with her to Homeworld. Both have been thwarted by Steven in the past. They probably fused out of the common hatred they have for Steven and want to exact revenge. However, notice they are inside his house which will cause some trouble. Steven also frantically turns off the Rose Quartz tape inside the house probably to prevent the fusion from seeing it. This will definitely happen in one episode and may not cause too much, but seeing both Gems from his past may trigger something.

5) Jasper is Back!

Jasper is back on Earth and is not happy. She yells, “You are not my Diamond!” referring to Steven. After “Change Your Mind” it seems Jasper did not take the change to well and does not accept Steven’s beliefs of peace. Jasper is very powerful and has experience with strategy and combat. She is going to push Steven to his breaking point and Steven will unleash Pink Steven. It seems anger and violence bring out Pink Steven. Pink Steven form could be activated through negative emotions such as anger, violence, jealousy, and confusion. Pink Steven is powerful and will likely take down Jasper now problem. This is not going to bode well for Steven as he the Pink Steven form will fight aggressively then he usually does, and it’ll cause conflict in his personality.

6) Secret Room only for Diamonds?

One of the most mysterious is this new room at the end of the promo. It turns red but then blue. It is shaped like a giant eyeball and has many appendages sticking out of it. Honestly, it could be anywhere but I am thinking three locations: Homeworld, the Zoo, or Moon Base. If this orb machine is in Homeworld, it could be a Gem processing core or for Homeworld itself. If it’s in the Zoo, it could be an operations system maintaining the Zoo. If it’s in the Moon base, it could be a hidden computer system hiding information. This orb like machine is going to be a big part of the story as it related to Pink Diamond. In another clip, there is a blue panel with the Diamond insignia meaning only a Diamond can access it. Steven does find it and activate the panel. We may get to see new information about Pink Diamond we have not seen before.

7) Steven Witnesses Pink Steven

Lastly and certainly most interesting in the promo is Steven shattering something and realizing his Pink Steven form. This clip is entirely on its own because it could happen at any point. It can happen during the Pink Pearl arc, Jasper arc, blue room, Aqua-Ruby fusion fight, or even outside those arcs. This scene impactful because it parallels to Pink Diamond in “Jungle Moon”. We notice Steven is angry until he is shocked after shattering something. Steven could be shocked at his new form but also about his behavior leading to the action. Pink Diamond did something similar. In “Jungle Moon”, Pink Diamond smashes one of the windows in Yellow’s base after being scolded by Yellow. Seeing himself do the same thing his mother did in the past is going to cause much conflict as he tries not to be like his mother. That scene will also realize something is wrong since Pink Steven is a new power and needs to figure out what to do.

We are going to see much of Steven confronting himself in this series. He may have solved his own identity crisis in “Change Your Mind” but that does not mean something can cause another one. The movie proved that Steven is not done fixing the mess his mother made. But will fixing those problems be too much? How will he confront this with a new power even the Gems don’t know about? In conclusion: we are in for one hell of a ride!

#su spoilers #steven universe #steven universe future #pink pearl #rose quartz #pink diamond #little homeworld #homeworld #december 7 #crystal gems #jungle moon #pink steven #pinkpearl #su theory #predictions

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dahniwitchoflight · 6 years ago

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Expanded SU Classpect thoughts

so, another point for Lapis is a Seer of Breath with a Witch of Blood inversion, she literally crushes a “witch” under a house in the same episode that has her defining moment of overcoming part of her fear/trauma of the diamonds, and thats neat!

other classpect related thoughts just include much more solidified thoughts about Ruby as a Knight of Light finding her own independence and personal agency and what that means to her, what it means to exist on her own outside of others, choosing for herself and not being told what to do, versus Sapphire’s Mage of Doom and how her pattern seems to always be to assume the worst everytime something bad happens, with always a focus on suffering, being upset, but also empathy and understanding of how others feel

Steven as a Page of Hope once again, literally going through his weird astral projection powers and empowering everyone through giving them Hope and Faith to continue on, the cute song at the beginning of the final episode focusing on focusing on Positive thoughts and emotions and hope and joy above all else once again clearly stating his instincts in those kinds of situations

but again going into how when he tries to focus on Heart aspect related things, it’s always to his own detriment, and its always because he hyperfocuses on other people’s negativity, everytime he tries to play therapist for others when it’s himself he needs to be focusing on, but the solution wasn’t just to stop caring about others and be selfish, but to cheer up and feel better and come into the situations positively instead of focusing on the negative emotions and thoughts around him, to bring Hope into the situation and empowers others through Hope

also things i should have probably mentioned before but just forgot, Lars is pretty solidified as a Bard, literally goes through a pretty solid crisis of identity arc, to the point where he is completely reformed

but it is through a medium of Death, which is interesting to me, because earlier i had thought that the thing he was avoiding that he would have a crisis about revolved around his self perception and identity, aka a medium of Heart

and his identity and character has definitely been transformed through this crisis, but it being through a medium of Death and revival has got me thinking if there might have been a doomy influence in there somewhere, like maybe his Denizen being a denizen of Doom kind of thing

now the fun part I haven’t delved into as of yet is Bismuth

rough ideas for her right now is that her class is probably that of a Maid, active creation

she’s very, straight to the point, no filter, brutally honest and her character was all about, not so much re-inventing herself, but growing into her own self as an independent entity. living how she wants, doing what she wanted, loving herself and the life that she wanted without bowing to the authority of the diamonds she once lived under. Rose opened her eyes like a paradigm shift.

also she is a builder, a creator, someone who works with physical objects, not just a weapon maker, and the fact that when her character goes south, its when she starts to have an unhealthy obsession surrounding ideas of destruction/shattering/death

and that maybe is part of why she butt heads with Rose so strongly, as Rose is also a Maid, and people who share half a classpect, whether it be class or aspect, do have a stronger possibility of coming into conflict more often, as they both have different ideas about similar things, or just that she only butts heads with rose so strongly when she is focused more into that destruction mindset

also, she is LITERALLY Made of Honor :p maids seem to ALWAYS have some kind of “Made of” pun lol

so honor should give us a hint to her aspect as well it seems to me, because Bismuth is also a character greatly concerned with people’s personal quality of character, their honor as people, as leaders, as comrades. She knew her comrades and loved them individually, she knew Rose, or thought she did, and was greatly hurt by her seeming betrayal, and she had enough dignity and honor to know when the others didn’t seem to want her around anymore (or at least that was what she thought)

so personal integrity, dignity and honor are key core concepts of her character, and the major views that she has and interacts with, makes it a bit tricky when trying to think of an aspect! theres no one aspect that has a monopoly on the ideas of dignity, integrity, honor etc

then there’s the fact that authority and how it should be treated definitely plays a role there too, whether she respects it or disregards it (but definitely seems she respects people who she acknowledges as Leaders, like Steven, and expects others to follow suit as well)

all of this though ties together into an idea of Justice and Retribution, righteousness as well, when she believes she is in the right

theres definitely anger and hatred in this mix as well too, quite a good variety of things

altogether at the moment I am leaning towards Rage as an aspect, with a focus on the facet of Righteousness, the idea that people who are in the wrong should be struck down, made to face consequences, that good and just things should be uphold and valiantly defended, driven and fueled by her core values and dtermined by her ideas of Dignity and Honor, integrity as well, altogether an intense focus on hard Morality

so yeah, Maid of Rage is what I’m feeling currently, but that might change if I think of a better aspect fit, but Maid class for sure for Bismuth

#Steven Universe #Classpect #Bismuth

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roominthecastle · 6 years ago

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“Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.” - Aristotle, The Art of Rhetoric

Well, look at that ancient Greek dude rolling out a pitch-perfect summary of - what I currently consider to be - Liz’s core issue on TBL. My core issue is that I cannot keep things brief, so I’ll poke this some more bc damn S5 was so much better than I expected, and it left me with an urge to try and sort this canon mess into sth I can swallow.

What’s the deal with Liz, why is her relationship with Red in such a terrible shape at the end of S5, and why is that a likely promise of better things to come?

It’s possible to look at this deterioration as a more or less continuous (organic!) process that reaches back at the very beginning; a process to which both characters have contributed their fair share over the years and now they are reaping the consequences and setting themselves up for a potentially healing collision.

I. Liz has narcissistic traits. Red is a natural born charmer with closely-guarded secrets and a pervasive guilt-complex. Putting them together is like putting mints in a bottle of coke: even on a perfect sunny day it's the kind of fun that leaves a mess.

II. Liz’s traits are amplified by Red’s behavior and Red’s behavior is warped by Tom’s presence. When Red scales things back (i.e. stops going on guilt-trips whenever others don’t feel like facing the consequences of their actions), it only makes things worse. This is the dark side of their intense "lock and key" dynamic, the deep angst pit that has been fore-fronted since S3B due to a rapid sequence of betrayals Red suffers from those closest to him. Tom triggers both empathy and repulsion in him, which in turn feeds his self-hatred and prompts him to keep enabling Liz out of guilt, creating an unsustainable bubble that finally bursts in S5.

III. The current name of the game for Liz is repression and denial, for Red it’s still obsession and rumination. At any given time Liz works off of a partial image of him, which is less about him keeping things from her and more about her purposefully ignoring parts of him in a misguided and doomed attempt to keep an illusion of safe simplicity (she does this with Tom, too). Meanwhile Red displays clear signs of compassion fatigue, which comes with its own destructive habits and distortions of reality.

IV. Sprinters are bad at running marathons. This simple truth has been a background tension factor in the Red/Liz relationship from the get-go. It’s mirrored in Red’s earlier troubles with Madeline and in Liz’s “Tom problem”. It keeps them united yet out of sync, which leads to misunderstandings, doubts, and quite a lot of friction.

more on these behind the cut:

I. Liz has narcissistic traits. Red is a natural born charmer.

Liz has a narcissistic streak and a tendency to delude herself as a messed-up coping mechanism, all of which she voices right off the bat in the pilot episode when Cooper asks her to profile herself (and to give us a brief intro to the character). These manifest chiefly as

(1) angry, aggressive outbursts (2) a sense of entitlement/egocentrism (3) blame-shifting

and she displays these traits to varying degrees throughout the show.

Now add to these the standard “Reddington Effect” that gets pointed out by other characters, articulating what Liz has been feeling since day one:

“There's no one on earth who can make a woman feel like the center of his universe more than Raymond Reddington.” (204)

“I was star-struck. It was exciting and captivating and... it consumed me. My work, my marriage.” (411)

We can also witness this "soft power” in action when Red approaches Zoe, Berlin’s daughter, to use her against her father. We can see how easily he can charm and pull people in to get what he wants. Sometimes it hilariously backfires - as it should - but that’s beside the point rn. The point is, Liz seems to receive this standard treatment, too, and she’s immediately, intensely receptive to it.

We can see both the positive (fascination-attraction) and the negative (rejection-aggression) side of this chemistry early on. She gets exposed to Red’s regular charm routine but it’s ultimately a v different experience because what those women quoted above don’t know (and what Liz still doubts) is that with her, his feelings run very, very deep. She is both the means and the end, the journey and the destination. Neither can walk this road without the other but walk it they must.

II. Liz’s traits are amplified by Red’s behavior and Red’s behavior is warped by Tom’s presence.

Thank God I have Tom, because with you, I never know what to believe. I have never lied to you. How the hell would I know?

Red’s secretive, seductive, guilt-ridden behavior feeds Liz’s narcissistic impulses.

(1) His ingrained "I will never tell you everything” ground rule regularly forms a volatile mix with her proneness to irritability and anger. There are countless examples of this (often understandable) reaction with a wide range that goes from a raised voice to actual physical aggression.

(2) It also clashes with her belief that she's automatically entitled to be told everything, regardless of the possibility that knowing might not make much difference to her but could get others killed, or the fact that she’s often careless w/ sensitive info and sometimes straight-up ignores the answer anyway.

This is an irresponsible and wasteful way of going about getting answers. Wanting to know doesn't entitle anyone to know. It's not at all surprising that Red - whose very life depends on carefully calculated discretion - is rarely fully forthcoming. Still, this is a major source of friction, esp as it seems to run counter to him telling her how special she is and treating her as such with a consistency that most well-adjusted people would fall for. A narcissistic personality like hers stands even less chance. This triggers jealousy and possessiveness very early on, and later engenders a full-blown expectation that when push comes to shove, he would always put her needs above anybody else’s, including his own. This (partially conditioned) expectation is in play e.g. when Tom re-enters her life and also when he violently leaves it again.

(3) Red is also burdened with a lot of chronic guilt which makes him an easy target for blame-shifting by those select few he loves. He often allows Liz to push blame on him for things he is not responsible for and he suffers in silence because “in his heart, he knows he must pay”. This also enables her to delude herself into thinking that he's indeed the unified source of all her problems, which makes her receptive to Mr. Kaplan’s terrible Solution to Nothing that targets him as such. Red has branded himself a “sin eater” and this gets taken full advantage of in a way that veers into emotional abuse. It paves the way for Operation Possum and its fallout that ripples across the next two seasons.

These 3 major negative “lock and key” interactions combine and reach a very unhealthy peak in S3/B. Liz’s thoughtless, pointless fake death stunt pushes Red to an edge he barely manages to pull himself back from, and it throws a wrench in the delicate cogwheels of their relationship where the degree of functionality and “healthiness” has always hinged on proportionate reciprocity (of good and bad alike). The faked death plan is - among other things - so disproportionately cruel and so exceptionally dumb and pointless, it unhinges this interplay.

It shakes Red from his grief- and guilt-induced stupor and cracks his habit of putting Liz on a pedestal. In S4 it is now Dembe who gets to be referred to as the "light in the darkness", which, given the changed circumstances, is a much better arrangement for both Liz and Red. Red would never ask anyone to carry this burden but the truth is, he needs someone like that by his side to keep him from falling to pieces. Dembe is a centered, reliable, well-adjusted person who can carry this heavy weight. Liz can't and she shouldn't, either. Now Dembe needs to be the lighthouse keeper as they navigate their stormy relationship.

On top of pulling Liz from the pedestal, Red also begins to scale back his willingness to play buffer and absorb blame. He pushes back against the kind of behavior he partially conditioned and enabled. He refuses to give in to Mr. Kaplan’s absurd and reckless vendetta that still targets him as the “root of all evil” in Liz’s life. He refuses to keep serving as a scapegoat for Tom’s failings and Liz’s self-imposed blindness, but the most significant “slight” contributing to the big fracture in his relationship with her is his refusal to share the secret of the bag.

“That’s why you’re here. That’s… Not to help me, not to avenge Tom’s death, but to help yourself and get your precious secret back.”

It is less about the secret itself and more about Red prioritizing it above her. She is jealous again but this time it is not directed at a person but at his “precious secret” that ultimately separates him from her, and once again it masquerades as projected and misplaced anger stemming from her deeper desire for their relationship to be close and genuine.

We have been here before when the Fulcrum surfaced:

"That's why you came into my life then. And that's why you're here now. Not because of me or who I am to you, whatever connection we might have, but because of some... object. Some thing."

and after her name gets cleared in S3/B:

I thought maybe after all we've been through the past three months that you might want to take a break. It's a mythic battle, and it's not anywhere close to being over. It's your battle, not mine.

and then again with the bag of bones. “Not me but” is the underlying issue that gets to her in each of these instances and it always manifests as anger.

From her warped perspective (warped by pain, confusion, and narcissism) he is deeply hurting her and taking everything from her to keep himself safe and cozy. It is the complete betrayal of her (partially conditioned but still unreasonable) expectation that he’d always put her and her needs first. In her eyes, this is again proof that their relationship, just like the one with Tom, has been a mere tool, a manufactured illusion, which - coupled with the impostor reveal - must truly mean Red never really cared for her at all.

But her assessment is once again dead wrong because she refuses to take a careful look at all the available information in proper context - a broader context where her personal issues are not the only ones of importance and where Red not bending to her every wish, esp those that make him deeply miserable or an instant murder victim, is not a sign of lack of genuine feelings but of a healthier attitude. She is also projecting anger at her own dishonesty with herself on him, and while it worked back when Red was receptive to it bc it was conducive to his self-flagellation, this messed up coping mechanism is finally breaking down, too, due to his increasing resistance and the multiplying events that signal he was never that alleged single source of evil.

"We want the same thing."

Indeed. It's the need underpinning Liz's anger, the same one Red has already articulated, albeit indirectly: "an inextricable intimacy and a commitment." Liz uses anger to express this, Red uses fish stories and Tom.

We were both half right. Together, we were right.

Liz sees Red's commitment forever lying elsewhere: with his precious secrets. Red sees Liz's commitment tied up in her relationship with Tom even after his betrayal, even after his literal death. They’ve been longing for the other to break away and commit, but this longing still manifests indirectly and out of sync: she pulls Tom between them like a guardrail (and DG, too), so Red flees into his “work” as a defensive response, which she interprets as lack of genuine interest and withdraws further into safe denial, and we have a vicious cycle on our hands. Despite all that, she still wants him to give up his secrets and he still wants her to give up her fixation on Tom. It’s no accident Red is so captivated by her when she describes her fantasy to him. It’s v much his, too.

But they both feel betrayed right now and both cling to their respective security blankets: Red to his secrets, Liz to her anger.

III. The current name of the game for Liz is repression and denial, for Red, it’s obsession and rumination.

Liz's remark about Red during her therapy session is telling and relevant here:

"Some of what he's done is unimaginably bad. But some of what he's done for me is unimaginably good."

She has been privy to many good things Red has done for others (hell, an entire county once) but those are not factored in when she evaluates his "goodness". No, this is about her and again, it produces only a partial image. It is a good start to say to an outsider that they don’t have the full picture of who he is (or can be) and therefore their understanding is skewed. However, the same goes for Liz and she refuses to accept that her POV is limited, too, and that she is complicit in it being so. DG is a prime example: she is handed a DNA test and everything that contradicts the result is pushed aside at once. The same happened when Tom told her he was a changed man: she ignored the contradictions, so she could have the illusion of stability. Red withholds information but it’s Liz who blatantly lies to herself about many things.

But back to the quote above: so only what Red does for her is weighed on the scale of goodness. Only that defines his moral character. It is decidedly untrue but again it's a manifestation of possessiveness and something Red partially conditioned in her in moments where e.g. he says saving her helps him live w/ himself (104) or where he implies that being with her allows him to become less of a monster (209). As a result, he is reduced to something less but something confined to her, something conveniently simplified that - depending on her need - is easier to either embrace or scapegoat. When he goes along with what she wants (whether it is actually good or not), he is a welcome, positive presence. When he refuses her (no matter how justified or necessary it is), he is deemed toxic and gets rejected. But after Tom inserts himself back into their lives and after the fake death betrayal, Red seems to have less and less willingness to silently confine himself to her whims and wishes, and they finally reach a breaking point in S5.

Fans on both sides of the "why does Red care so much about Liz" fence focus heavily on love as his primary drive, and label the nature of the R/L relationship accordingly: parental and romantic respectively. What else could explain such grandiose display of unconditional love other than being related or being in love? To quote Red, "perhaps there's a third option." There is and despite it being on full display (or maybe because of it since the show has conditioned us to assume a convoluted mystery everywhere) we often overlook its importance:

With Red, guilt is the operative word. This is the governing emotion right next to love (a more recent development) to which many of his grand gestures are anchored. The pervasiveness of guilt in Red's life is pointed out several times in the show, most notably in episodes 104, 216, and 319:

“The farmer, who is no longer a farmer sees the wreckage he's left in his wake. It is now he who burns. It is he who slaughters. And he knows, in his heart he must pay.”

“The truth of it is, once you start down this road there's no logical place to stop. For the first few years, it may work. You'll draw some measure of virtue from being her invisible benefactor. But that won't last. It's all a fraud. That it's really not about her at all. That it's all about you. And you're just going through the motions to salve your own guilt. All the money, all the time and effort, all the favors in the world cannot possibly equal what you took away from her. Everything else is just a nice gesture.”

“It was a Hobson's choice. There was a woman and her child. Both were doomed. Both would die. I could either save one or lose both. I chose the child. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life. Worst thing by far. I was arrogant. I presumed that there was an order to things, that there was... that if I nourished and protected and taught the child, she would be safe and happy. And she was neither. No matter what I tried to do, all I brought her was misery and violence.”

In each, the debilitating nature of guilt is given emphasis, the symptoms of which are exhibited by Red throughout the show. Chronic guilt can be an extremely powerful drive. As Red notes, "once you start down this road there's no logical place to stop". He genuinely believes he owes Liz an immeasurable debt and that nothing, not even wrecking or even giving his own life for her, could make up for it. If we look at his behavior from this perspective, the primary answer to why he is willing to go to such great lengths for her becomes obvious. He loves her, too, of course, but love is - as noted above - is a more recent, healthy development, and it still has to co-exist with deep-seated guilt that keeps it in a toxic choke hold. This combination is the main reason why he cannot deny Liz anything (see: Tom) and why he's so vulnerable to blame shifting. When someone believes they deserve to be used and punished by the one they also come to love more than anything, the danger of abuse skyrockets, too.

Guilt-driven gestures, no matter how grandiose, are ultimately selfish and fake, as Red observes. But after he finally meets her, love starts creeping into the picture, shifting their dynamic and imbuing it with something real and selfless. And Red starts pushing back a little now where Tom is concerned. This sprouting, deepening love, however, gets badly trampled on when the guilt-trips and betrayals come. Red endures them because guilt says "you deserve it", but it no longer has quite the same hold as it once did. Heartbreak is a somewhat sobering experience but until the still unknown source of his guilt is uncovered and addressed, his relationship with Liz, his love for her, cannot reach genuine fulfillment.

IV. Sprinters are bad at running marathons.

Red and Liz want the same thing (as we have established above) but she is impulsive and wants it now whereas he is wary and plans long-term.

“I can’t tell you what I’m gonna want 10 years from now. Even a year from now. I just know what I want right now.”

Liz is no fan of delayed gratification. She has wants and she wants those satisfied "right now" even if it means she has to trade a more secure, more enduring yet still unavailable future (Red) for a readily available present of poorer quality (Tom). The former requires hard work (of the sweat, blood, and tears kind), honest self-evaluation, careful planning, and lots of patience. The latter is just easy and right there, so she cuts straight to the finish line, then it all promptly comes crashing down on her.

This is what happens after her exoneration in S3B. She goes to Red but instead of some quality personal time, he acts prickly and distant, then whips out a giant map to show her how just much hard work still needs to be done before Odysseus can even consider returning home. Her response? She rejects it (and him with it) and goes straight back to Tom. He promises to give her everything she wants right there and then at a discount. She only has to bury her head in the sand regarding a couple of things and since Liz is prone to self-delusion and denial by default, she jumps at the opportunity. This is where her relationship with Red begins to go off the rails.

“Circumstances are far more complex than we ever imagined. I’m betting on the long play. The future.”

Red plays the long game when it comes to the most important things in his life, and he doesn’t shy away from torturous self-examination and self-denial to secure enduring results and a better future for those he loves. Liz’s relationship with Tom was a sprint with many corner-cutting and the inevitable letdown. They had a short present, but no future. With Red, there is a future still but Liz has to run a marathon to reach it and being a sprinter, she struggles a lot.

But she is not the only one struggling. Red is still traumatized by the loss of his family, which makes him instinctively reluctant to try to settle down again. Those who inflicted that debilitating loss still represent an active force in the world (see: the map). The longing to settle down is certainly there. It’s a dream he shares with Liz. They practically wish upon it under the stars while “Our House” is playing, but on top of his guilt and grief, the circumstances seem to be forever against him, so he doesn’t dare actively push for it like she does (he even rejects Agnes at first). He redirects his focus to the “job” to try and create a safer environment and maybe a future opportunity. This folds back to the marathon approach that Liz rejects at first but now, after Tom's demise, she must face. She vows to destroy Red but I don't think it will be a literal destruction. Deep down they still want the same thing and even though they have yet to admit it openly, they want it with each other.

Their time spent on the run in S3/A is immersed in the theme of a shared home. Liz and Red seek refuge in a theater where the stage is set as a home. This is where Liz tells Red about her fantasy and this is where Red immediately retreats behind a wall when he realizes that Liz will be pulled back into Tom's orbit.

“I’m not interested in what you want. I’m interested in what you deeply desire. I can sense that death and vengeance aren’t what drive you, Elizabeth. Or feed your soul. [What does?] A lost world, I suspect. Another life. If you can’t face your truths, I can’t be of service.”

The Djinn makes a clear distinction between “what you want” and “what you deeply desire”. It is echoed in the tension-filled dream Liz has where Red removes Tom from the picture just when he is about to spill a secret (nice piece of foreshadowing btw), then stalks up to her bed and asks her the same thing - not just what she wants but what she really wants. This image of Red stepping up as a sexual-romantic partner after her husband’s demise is shoved deep down in her subconscious. It is one she is not yet ready to face, but it is there - the option of making a home with him, an option he, too, keeps at arm’s length due to past trauma and present circumstances, and it adds even more tension to their interplay.

This exact type of unresolved tension has already popped up on this show when Madeline Pratt re-entered Red's life w/ some grievances.

"Florence was everything, our way out, a fresh start. But to you, it’s all just a job."

She feels betrayed and played for a fool because Red chose to continue living his danger-magnet criminal life, prioritizing it over her and their intended home.

"They used Pratt as bait, faked the kidnapping in order to bring Red into the Kings’ custody."

Later on, counting on his savior complex, she lands him in hot water to get even. She stages her own kidnapping and lures Red into a trap set by an enemy with a score to settle. If it sounds familiar, that’s because we see something similar play out between Liz and Red. It’s low-key in the background during S3-4 (w/ the whole home theme) and gets kicked into high-gear in the S5 finale (when Liz thinks he played her for a fool so he can continue living his criminal life):

We were out. You said the ship we were on was headed to Spain. Change of plans. Because? Because after far too much time playing defense, today’s the day we switch to offense.

They could get away and start a new life but Red refuses to quit his "mission". As mentioned above, he tells Liz they still have a lot to do and her reaction is disappointment, and when Tom offers her everything Red is not yet able (to go away and start fresh), she accepts. And this is when their downward spiral begins in earnest and all the accumulated hurt peaks in S5, in Liz's very Madeline-esque plan to fake a kidnapping and lure Red to one of his enemies for some answers and score-settling (the same business the Kings were into w/ their illicit auctions):

If you’re gonna tell him you hurt me, he’s got to believe you. You knew Reddington would come for you. He got to do what he always does: try and save me.

Indeed. And he is about to confess his greatest secret to save her life when they get interrupted and an alternate solution presents itself. He kills Sutton, takes the bag and leaves. Liz vows to destroy him after this and I think she is right. Raymond Reddington needs to die for good this time. He needs to die so the man behind that mask can finally emerge. He needs to die so Liz can finally face and understand the full picture.

Red’s guilt feeds on the secrets he keeps and Liz continues to cling to her anger because these secrets are a wedge between them. The murky past and their distorted perception of it (Red's warped by guilt, Liz's scrambled by memory manipulation) hold them and their relationship hostage, so it must be disclosed and sorted for both their sakes. The second chance will not come until this happens. When it does, I think it will be the most cathartic moment in the history of this show.

This collision course is their way back home.

#long post #the blacklist #lizzington #(not too much i was trying really hard to keep this from turning into a shipper fantasy blueprint)#(emphasis on trying)#speculation #musings #q

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dpillustrations · 7 years ago

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Top Five - Fictional Heroines

Today’s Tumblr post comes from direct inspiration from the YouTube channel of Phoenician Rises! This channel is created by my lovely cousin, Alexis Johnson, and it is an inspirational channel for all creatives! I would highly recommend anyone, not just creatives, to check out her blog as you’ll find encouragement to get through the daily grind!

In her video #TopFive - Fictional Heroines she lays out who are her top favorite ladies in all of fiction and why. She excludes the superhero genre just to make the choosing a little easier, but she’ll get to her favorites in those too in another video, so check back for that one!

As part of the challenge, I’m going to list my top 5 favorite ladies too, and I did a sketch/art piece for each. These aren’t ranked even though I’m listing them in an order, but my number one is most definitely my number one.

5. Sansa Stark

“My skin has turned to porcelain, to ivory, to steel...”

My Lady of Winterfell! I loved her character before it was cool, pretty much almost since the beginning. Undoubtedly she had the spoiled nature of a child who had grown up in safe, prosperous environment of Winterfell, and who spent an unhealthy amounts of time in her make believe wonderland at first. I didn’t think this counted against her by any means, and since then she has proven what she is truly made of. She is seen as weak in the eyes of many because she is a proper lady who does what she is told, but where others see weakness I see strength. I think this has been proven over and over again as Sansa Stark has been tasked to endure terrible things, and no only survive, but thrive in her survival. Identity is such a strong theme in George R.R. Martin’s books, and I see Sansa Stark’s endurance to maintain her identity, even when she literally has to become someone else, is truly exemplary. I love how despite her penchants for songs of knights and ladies, she doesn’t falter when confronted with the truth. She looks into the eyes of the ugliness and darkness, to not only face it, but often times look beyond it. This is what she tries to do when she becomes Tyrion Lannister’s bride, and she does this with The Hound as well. One of my favorite moments is when she sings for him, this large, terrible man who could rape and kill her so easily and he is the one who succumbs before the innocence of this delicate little bird. Only, she isn’t delicate at all, but has the fierce strength of the North in her. Sansa Stark is an exceptional character in the ASOIAF series, and I think after all is said and done, she might very well win the game of thrones! Queen in the North!

4. Joan Watson

“She rebuilds lives from the ground up. A way to measure her success is by how many careers she has rebuilt and the amount of lives she has saved.”

If you haven’t been watching CBS Elementary, you should be, because it’s amazing. You know what else is amazing? Joan Watson. Sansa is Queen in the North, Joan Watson is Queen of New York! I’m a huge Sherlock Holmes fan, and I think Lucy Lui’s incarnation of the famous sleuth’s loyal friend and biographer is the best ever. In this show she is his sober companion turned apprentice turned consulting detective turned vigilante, but she is ever and always his most loyal friend. I love Joan Watson’s level-headedness, perceptiveness, honesty, compassion, selflessness, and strength. She doesn’t take crap from anyone, and yet maintains a servant’s heart. She loves healing people, saving people - perhaps to a fault - but she never gives up on those she believes in. Another shining aspect to her character? She is modest, truly modest, and doesn’t seek out glory, recognition, or praise, and I think that captures the essence of the character from the canon. Joan Watson only seeks to get the job done, to get the job done right, and be a help to as many people as she can. In the books, Watson is a soldier, and that’s how I see Joan Watson too. She’s a warrior, ready to lay down her life to protect and serve those who are less fortunate or are in need of justice. She is truly exceptional, and Lucy Lui plays her with such marvelous subtlety and elegance.

3. Molly Gibson

“I wish I could love people as you do, Molly!' “Don't you?” “No. A good number of people love me, I believe, or at least they think they do; but I never seem to care much for any one. I do believe I love you, little Molly, whom I have only known for ten days, better than any one.”

This may be an obscure character for some, but Molly Gibson from Elizabeth Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters is one of my favorite female heroines. She is a humble woman of gentility, discretion, and grace, and everything in her is what I would want to encourage in myself. She is kind and has a servant’s heart, caring for others above herself. One should not mistake this for weakness, however, as Molly is quite resilient. She becomes a strong ballast for everyone involved in the story, and many look to her for strength, encouragement, and sanctuary. Wives and Daughters is a sweet, though sometimes melancholy tale of the struggles of two families and their intertwining stories, and Molly is at the center of the trials and dysfunction - a calm, steady presence. It is in this where her her true strength shines, and little Molly does endure to the end, and is rewarded for her patience and forbearance. She’s actually pretty much perfect, and many might not like that about the character, but I don’t think that makes her unrelatable or a “Molly Sue.” She’s unassuming and down to earth, who struggles and feels like anyone else. She is just very noble and pure of heart. Probably the only fault would be in that she doesn’t speak up for herself often and let’s people take advantage of her goodness, but I think there is much we could learn and praise about this heroine.

2. Katniss Everdeen

“What am I going to do? I take a deep breath. My arms raise slightly - as if recalling the black-and-white wings Cinna gave me - then come to rest at my sides. I’m going to be the Mockingjay.”

While I love Molly Gibson for her perfections, I love Katniss Everdeen for her imperfections. There are incredible strengths in Katniss, to be sure, but what I find fascinating is how much she struggles with herself and with the world. Katniss is fierce, loyal, and inspirational, but she also seeks to control that which she cannot, and is unreasonably stubborn. At the very beginning Katniss only wants one thing, to keep those she loves safe. Noble, yes, and her determination is admirable, but this single goal becomes an obsession to her, a a resilient idea that makes up the core of her being. She seeks this with everything she has within her, even when it is impossible, to the point where it breaks her utterly. The movies presented Katniss’ story in a more positive and noble light, but Katniss’ story is actually a sad one. While the Mockingjay becomes a symbol of revolution and power that ultimately overthrows the totalitarian government - for Katniss, the Mockingjay is actually a place of brokenness. On the one side, Katniss dies in order for others to live, which is worthy, but on the other, Katniss fails herself and those she loves. That is why I call The Hunger Games series 1984 as it should have been, not only for the obvious reasons, but because of Katniss’ transformation into the Mockingjay. In 1984, Winston is the character who struggles against the totalitarian government, and he fights with everything in him, maintaining that he will not break, that he will not bend, that he will not allow Big Brother to win where it counts the most - his spirit. Yet, as we know, he fails, and so too does Katniss. One of my favorite moments in the books is when she is in a depressed, catatonic state after her sister’s death - this one thing - this one thing she tried to keep from happening from the very beginning - but now has failed to do. It is here in this moment when her spirit is broken that she begins to sing. She sings as if the song is being torn from her, she sings in the moment where Katniss dies and the Mockingjay is truly born.

There are slivers of hope to be sure in her story, but what stood out to me were Katniss’ frailties, painfully and unequivocally human. I think there is much to be learnt from her character even in that.

1. Jane Eyre

“Still indomitable was the reply: “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself. I will keep the law given by God; sanctioned by man. I will hold to the principles received by me when I was sane, and not mad—as I am now. Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation… . They have a worth—so I have always believed; and if I cannot believe it now, it is because I am insane—quite insane: with my veins running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can count its throbs. “Preconceived opinions, foregone determinations, are all I have at this hour to stand by: THERE I PLANT MY FOOT."

Jane Eyre is my ultimate heroine, the Queen of all Heroines, IMHO. What is truly admirable about Jane is her indomitable spirit, that she never unravels even in the most adverse circumstances. She endures much abuse throughout her childhood, and endures losing (for a time) the only true happiness she has found because of the frailties of the man she loves. Yet despite how many try to will her, bend her, control her, or how circumstances assail against her, Jane always remains Jane. Her spirit is unbreakable. She stands by her God, her principles, and her dignity, and remains untouchable. I don’t believe there really has been an adaptation of her story that truly depicts her properly. (I think the closest is Charlotte Gainsbourg in the 1996 version.) They usually show her character to be more subdued than she actually she is. She is a quiet, reserved figure, but she is also quite harsh, opinionated, and proud. She loved Rochester deeply and passionately, but she also didn’t take any of his crap, and often spoke her mind about his behavior towards her. She was truly a woman outside her times, and I loved the little aspects of this shining through, like her drawings, the unusual pieces that come from her imagination, or how she makes up her mind based on her own initiative and not caring about what others might perceive of her, i.e. her refusal of accepting St. John River’s proposal and in so doing, being a missionary’s wife - which would have been perceived as the more noble thing. Jane Eye’s internal strength is what I love most about her, and while I would say that I wish we could see more characters like her, there really could only ever be one Jane Eyre.

#Top five #fictional heroines #heroines #Katniss Everdeen #Joan Watson #Sansa Stark #Molly Gibson #Jane Eyre #Wives and daughters #The Hunger Games #A Song of Ice and Fire #Game of Thrones #Elementary #CBS Elementary #my thoughts #dpillustrations

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evilelitest2 · 8 years ago

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100 Days of Trump, Day 18, The Godfather

Welcome back to 100 Days of Trump, where I try to recommend works to help people understand wtf happened in 2016 and how to deal with the future, today we are going to talk about the system that made Trump possible with the Godfather. Actually this is a larger recommendation, cause I am recommending Part 1 and Part 2 together cause they are kinda just the same movie split up. i am not recommending part 3 though, cause ewww.

So the Godfather, everybody knows about the Godfather, everybody loves the Godfather, everybody certainly quotes it, but at its core it is a story about immigration, and the corrupting influence of capitalism. This might seem strange but it isn’t actually that much of a gangster movie, compared this to the classic ganster era films and you realize how much less exciting the Godfather is, hell compare it to the book, its more subdued, more realistic, and less exploitative. Instead its about the system, about how business and the pursuit of wealth is an inherently corrupting influence and it slowly takes away your own happiness (It is really worth noting that the popularly greatest films in American history all seem anti capitalist). But its more than just ‘Capitalism is BAD”, its about why people obtain this obsessive hunger for success, its a response to something else. Lets talk about immigration.

The movie is focused on Italian-American culture and how over generations the immigration to American become more American, and how America as a whole becomes more Italian, a natural synergy which has always worked to the countries benefit, and the movie is another reminder of how anti-immigration sentiment back then was just as insane and self destructive s it is now, they just never elected an actual pumpkin president (so touche 1950s America) and Italian Americans really are made to feel like outsiders and are treated quite shabbily. The only way these disenfranchised people can have power is through organized crime, the mafia provides them with a degree of protection, real representation in goverment, and a method for advancement, in exchange the community protects them and is complicit in their criminal activities. Like how the coal miners of West Virginia will fight to the death for companies who don’t care about them, its a client-patron thing. And while in the short term this system is great for immigration communities, in the long term it is stifling, because the Family is exploitative, selfish, cruel and utterly amoral, culminating with the introduction of narcotics into the communities (their racist belief it will be confined to the black communities is not only morally abhorrent, it is utterly untrue). But of course, because the Family designed the entire infrastructure of the immigrant community, they all serve the Family, which again isn’t much different from company towns.

Also this unhealthy dynamic is made possible by the callus indifference of the society at large, America brings Italians to the US but once here abuses them, is racist towards them, exploits them, and generally views them as less than human, so their only recourse is the protection of these criminal elements, America’s intolerance only creates more problems. Racism created the Mob, Prohibition let it thrive, and Cold War Latin American policy lets it survive, most of America’s demons are of our own creation. Now that the mobsters are demons, the films are very careful to show them as human beings and despite their flaws they also have many positive qualities. Like everybody else they are trapped in this larger system which demands more, Michael Corleone’s fall into darkness isn’t possible without his father’s earlier movement down that road and without a society around him that basically offers him the choice of kill or die. Michael’s fall from grace is reflective of the larger society around him, and he descends with them.

Today it is important to understands the ramifications of our actions, and how people act when put into certain circumstances, everybody is responding to some external pressure even if their response is ultimately bad for everyone including themselves. Also if we view the capitalism as the mob aspect, the rich often honestly believe that they are good for the country because they provide certain services, never-mind that they rot the nation as a whole. Also these organizations thrive because people trust them, because people mistake what they do for self interests as genuine compassion, and so they believe it when Michael Says “I didn’t kill Kay’s Husband”.

Honestly if you haven’t watched this yet, seriously try it out , there is a very good reason why the first two films are seen as some of the best movies ever made check it out.

#100 Days of Trump #The Godfather #michael corleone #vito corleone #don corleone #sunny corleone

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journeyanddream · 7 years ago

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Reflection

“Too long a sacrifice can make stone of the heart” - William Butler Yeats

The journey through two semesters were jagged, disappointment in the first, triumph and redemption in the second.

The turmoil that was semester one boiled down to the imbalance between my ego and reality...which was a carry forward from 2016 where I had became so full of myself and believed talent and natural gifts alone were adequate to carry me forward but in actual fact it had blinded me, poisoned me and destroyed me from the inside...

I desperately wanted to distinguish myself from the peers, believing none was as gifted, talented and hardworking as I....and associations with “lower being” would hinder my steps forward; as a result I had failed to establish any meaningful, long lasting connections and thinking retrospectively, It had to be my own doing.

I did not know why or when I had became so obnoxious and “unfriendly”, and why I had became so fixated on building an image that seemed impenetrable, backed only by even unhealthier obsession with grades and academic performance...my life evolved around my study and getting better grades was the only focus of life at that point and anything else that is unrelated to this goal was deemed as a distraction: exercising, health, friends, social interactions....

I truly believed they were things that had to be accomplished and I still do at this stage; however may the results be a little different if my approach was different. Despite my attitude and the image of a HD student; my actions seemed to differ from my mind...the truth is, despite all the obnoxious behavior, I had not studied or worked as hard and those efforts were no where near enough to justify for all the damage I had done to myself....

75.0 overall - right on the dot

An abysmal score that could not live up to the expectations and images I had set; poor performances across all three core units (under 75s), and it was only due to the elective where I pulled an 80 that had saved me from the ultimate embarrassment and defeat of credit average; yet I had promised myself that this would never happen again...abysmal

This is about the biggest joke I had seen...who was I trying to deceive with that score, coupled with the obsessive, damaging, obnoxious attitude. It is comparable to that of a high school level athlete possessing the attitude of Kobe Bryant - it simply didn’t add up. If i couldn’t perform like Kobe, do I even have the right to act like one?...I was defeated, destroyed, appalled by these sickly numbers that only denounced my mediocrity.

I guess I wasn’t really sad about the grade itself, It hurted me more knowing and admitting i was mediocre and normal, like most other people...the disparity between what I think to what actually is damages me. If people whom I looked down upon, who I perceived as “lower being” and those who I despised had scored better than I, then shouldn’t I be the one who should be looked down on...I hated being normal; I desired being at the top, the superiority; normality and mediocrity pains me...is this mindset the culprit of all the pain and struggle that entailed this journey; is this mindset to blame for the lack of connections and interactions? I do not know when the discomfort towards normality had started, which had propelled me and disciplined me to climb upwards (not that it should be viewed as a good thing)

It was time to change.

Semester two was a testing ground, a period of trial and error and reflection that lead to triumph. If I was to achieve something I had never gotten before; I ought to do something I’d never done before...

“Insanity is repeating the same action but expecting different results” - Albert Einstein

I decided to revamp the way I think, and the way I learn; and with differing actions, the poisonous mindset had to go as well. The hard work persisted as usual, coupled by relentless effort to improve academically day by day. The difference however resides with the mentality and mindset; by suppressing my false sense of superiority and narcissism - the clouds parted their way, visions became clearer and the wavering thunderstorm inside of me turned to tranquil waves...I felt more resistant, sturdy and calm; the burnout also came alot later than usual.

Simultaneously, I changed the way I learn and revise materials; deciding simple re-writing notes repeatedly and relying off textbooks weren’t gonna cut it; instead a more methodical approach of testing re-testing was much more effective and efficient with focus on solely what is being delivered (instead of copying off textbook materials which contain large variations in both the amount of detail needed and the general direction of content). Among the madness, I had realized regardless of how talented and hardworking you are, certain ordeals cannot be done alone. Even if it could be done sufficiently well alone, the overall function of a ‘team’ allows any goal to be reached faster. And thanks to a wonderful friend who took part in this experimental tag-team that not only proved useful but necessary. The mutual support and friendly competition helped raised the bar and morale several fold, though the days were dark and tough but having someone not only be there but also fight with you lightened up the journey ahead....we focused solely on perfecting each daily tasks and milestones all the way till the very end.

Comes 85.3 average

I was elated, in shock. Previously seemingly unattainable goal has finally been gripped - the Mt Everest of academia has finally been ascended, conquered. I am happy but not satisfied, as there are much work to be done and more rooms remain for improvement - I know I could do better, I know I have much more to give and show. Nonetheless, this puts a beautiful full-stop and exclamation mark to both second semester and second year

As the holiday begins, the season of Gamsat also peaks its head around of the corner, endless opportunities awaits - I wonder: would the next few months become the turning point of this dull life or would this pose to be another attempt in vain...searching for the ultimate prize but yet falls short. I am not so sure.

The same time, one year apart

Let the next few months be a period of magnificent transformation.

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castlehead · 7 years ago

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obsession, an unhealthy amount, helps; though this also be a source of mental laceration, terminal guilt, and ire directed both from and to others. i am an insane revisionist. or rather i am a revisionist to the point of insanity. i live breathe bleed words however i consider who i am more in line with my name than the name of the type of person who produces what i produce. some people want that label - and pretty funny that by the desire it becomes exactly a non-label - which is quite sinister. i used to think people being fake was a cliche rather than something to take seriously - not in the sense of omission, like, what you tell your coworker vs. what you tell your wife, or even hiding oneself out of shame - but like literally not being yourself. and, moreover, that people were generally sincere and wanted to be sincere and work for that etc. but now i know people will not only be fake unawares but consciously be that way and leech and leech. and this is not even lit i am talking about just fucking life. you see. i have worked hard at the written word, very hard. too hard. indeed i say this as an objective fact and not to gloat as the whole damnable bunch of it got me nowhere and nearly killed me. like obsession to the point of basically destroying everything. so i have learned brevity, honesty, sincerity. i have learned to not see this online variorum of mine as anything special at all. the words i post, the things i say, how i form myself in this abstract realm. utterly unknown and unfamous i am but that is not my aim and good luck at getting noticed in the arts as my father is an actor and has been for around half a century and holy hell you will have no idea who he is. but i will continue to be me which means writing all the time among other things, because writing is fun as hell and conveying something is. i think this whole movement thing/idea is fun and everything but at the end of the day i write for nobody but me who is body ultimate. yet i wish to stir people. i want to throw the small swarm in my chest back at the hive and do good words. for it is an action, a penance to my god. or a prayer even. all it is are prayers. the elliptical nature of ammons’ dispositional axis proves that something does stick around tho it moves and this is called transcendence. time passes but it takes awhile for the effects of its discoveries to take hold, similar to the psychological imprint of a horrible event. that being said i know i have a long way to go still which is the greatest doubt of all, a most positive doubt. and in examining myself as eternally infant regarding understanding anything at all much less making something artful, i will - and funny, this - unknowingly stumble upon perhaps what might not change the world but tweak it maybe. and it’ll be better for me not forcing anything. like conrad aiken i am determined to be minor and i guess i would force my insignificance. which does not necessarily mean i cannot start at the keyboard with a great idea and wish to change nay the universe itself. that is how i do it: i think, this can really shake things up, write, and say to myself - ah what garbage - then decide after reading it and incessantly editing and whatnot that maybe it is good tho what i thought was good at one point or the best shit on god’s green earth three years ago i barely spend brainspace on nowadays and maybe tao lin is the founder of blablabla who knows. a movement is something else. it resembles a sort of like ‘ontical’ nature bc its being is outside of language but also a product of language and dependent on anything one might consider absolute or permanent. i am not saying that language is permanent, and we have hundreds of years – ‘whan that aprille with his showres sote’ [chaucer] etc. - of proof of that but its attempt is at permanence which in a funny way is a thing like ‘sense’ or ‘reason’. there is a core to things outside of what we name that is maybe a name before the flood. i like this name for she is an impenetrable name, as like this primeval definitionless state of being [dasein] i describe, or don’t. but any movement, no matter if tao lin starts it or fucking voldemort from harry potter, will unknowingly incorporate a prior zeitgeist that in its way is too an attempt to return to that impenetrability so as like it to become impenetrable, absolute, and so then immortal. i am sure you as others will see the concentric reality here. we want what we cannot have so arch our spines to look at our feet and deify the impermanent so as to dialectically, impossibly, remove that permanent, restless, shifting core above us, which is death itself. anyway: the most important thing is to work at it and work at it and to not let other things get in the way, not of you aping an influence, but of you attempting the sublime. knowing you are fated to eat up the ghost of what people have already done, and swerving the creative atom in a new direction despite. heh. “everything, everything, everything is poetry:” [a.r. ammons] artist is artist man. i am no writer, just DAN. myself. art is getting high. being higher than ever putting together something getting slowly clearer in your head whatnot. paterson williams etc. laundry list note on the refrigerator art - is art. all’s art. someplace to put it is art rather. or isn’t. artist? art? what

#poetry #poem #pome #powtry #depth as predicament #the sad truth of it all

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