#which a lot of people hear so i probably shouldn't be dramatic about it or anything

[silverdori]

a little vent post

and then tagged me specifically under it

not to be a bitch but someone shared a post about world suicide prevention day in a group chat

which usually i'd laugh at but i was having a really bad day so i kinda just.

sat there? i don't know, the person that shared the post didn't even know me that well so it hurt a little bit

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: Hellfire night is happening post spring break from hell, it's at the apartment of Steve & Eddie. Steve has an intense migraine & chronic pain flare ups. He can barely make it through the door. Eddie has to bring Steve but Steve is in pain and wants to stay close to Eddie. So they play dnd with Steve essentially curled up on the couch near Eddie.

MY DARLING!!!! STEVE SUFFERING TIME!!! I know I shouldn't make him suffer so much, but it's just that he's so easy to make suffer. But this one is so so soft, and so comforting. Steve is loved so much, it makes the hurt not so hurt-y. As a migraine sufferer myself, there are times when I genuinely consider just laying on the floor and hoping I pass out so I don't have to feel it anymore. I do base a lot of Steve's experiences off of my own (though mine is less head trauma and more genetics), but I hope other people can see themselves in it and get some comfort, too. I also used a new little cute term of endearment inspired by one of my favorite regular customers at my last job who called his wife of 64 years sweet love from the day they met, even when he was talking to other people about her. - Mickala ❤️

---------------------------------------------

If he’d gotten his shift covered at work today, he probably wouldn’t be in so much fucking pain.

But he needed the money, and when he first woke up, the pain wasn’t that bad. He’d had worse.

After hours of customers asking him to reach the top shelf, screaming babies and children not getting the ice cream or candy they wanted, and a few too many old men complaining about the prices of bread, Steve’s headache escalated from minor pain to unbearable, and had spread throughout his body.

He’d gotten somewhat used to the aches he sometimes woke up with, the throbbing pains in his joints when he spent too long on his feet or tried to do too much exercising. Some days were less tolerable than others, but today was the worst he’d had in a while.

Every breath stung, his lungs pushing against his ribs, his ribs pushing against his skin, his skin on fire.

And when he arrived at his apartment, he knew it was about to get worse.

He could hear Eddie, his booming voice painting a picture for all of Hellfire. He didn’t need to see him to know he was probably standing on his chair or, more dramatically, the table.

Any other time, Steve would be endeared, would walk in and say hi to everyone, give Eddie a kiss on the cheek before he made his way to the shower and then make snacks for the group.

Tonight, though, Steve didn’t even know if he could make it past the couch.

Or to it, for that matter.

Maybe he could just use the rug at the door as a pillow for the night. Everyone could step over him as they left, or maybe they could all just stay the night so he wouldn’t get woken up.

He was shaking with the effort to make it through the door, the key missing the lock the first couple of tries because his hands kept wobbling.

Eventually, he got inside.

He leaned back against the door, his body screaming at him to be horizontal instead of vertical. He let out a groan, which hurt more than he planned.

The dining room area got quiet.

“Stevie? That you?” Eddie’s voice sounded concerned, even without seeing his face to confirm.

He couldn’t answer. It hurt to even think about answering.

He let his eyes close, the pain in his head dulling for just a moment with the light from the living area being extinguished. It wasn’t even that bright, just one lamp in the corner and one on the table by the couch, but it still felt blinding when he opened his eyes again.

Eddie was standing in front of him now, hands reaching towards him but hesitating to actually touch.

“What’s hurting, sweet love?”

All Steve could do was let out a small whimper, and even that was more pain than it was worth.

“Everything?” Eddie whispered, getting closer, but still not touching. Steve could almost feel the heat coming off of Eddie’s constantly too-hot skin.

“Mm.”

“Alright, you wanna go to the couch?”

Yeah, he did, but he didn’t think he could make it. But as always, Eddie read his mind.

“I’ll carry you if it’s okay to lift you,” he suggested quietly.

“Mm.”

“Okay, assuming that’s a yes,” Eddie responded at the same volume as before, though Steve knew he was smirking, could hear the way his mouth was curled up at the corner, amused.

Before Steve could even try to form a response, Eddie’s arms were under his legs and back, lifting him up and cradling him against his front.

Pain shot through his entire body, but he bit his lip so he wouldn’t make a noise. He didn’t want Eddie to feel bad about something outside of their control.

“‘S okay, angel. Let it out.”

He let out another whimper, louder than the last. He heard footsteps coming into the room and assumed everyone here for Hellfire had decided to check in.

He opened one eye, but immediately regretted it, inhaling sharply as he squeezed his eyes shut again.

“Can someone shut off the lamps?” Eddie asked as he managed to set Steve down slowly, gently on the couch.

Eddie’s fingers were barely brushing along his forehead, moving his hair away from his face with the lightest possible touch.

Steve felt a tiny bit of relief from laying down, though his head decided to start pulsing as it lay flat against the cushion.

“Lap?” Steve asked, forgetting for a moment what he’d walked home to: the weekly D&D campaign.

Eddie needed to be a DM for them, he couldn’t sit out here with Steve.

“Alright, everyone grab the stuff, we’re using the coffee table. I don’t need my notes or screen so leave it, and so help me, if I suspect any of you looked at them, I will kill you all in a trap,” Eddie said from the floor next to Steve.

Steve could hear light footsteps moving out of the room and then Eddie’s whispers in his ear.

“Gonna lift your head for just a minute while I sit. Want you to turn so your face is looking at me, it’ll block out the light when we turn them back on. I can rub your shoulders and back that way too.”

Steve couldn’t really nod, but he tilted his head up just a bit to show he was okay with it, though they both knew it would be painful.

Eddie was fast though, didn’t want him to suffer a single second longer than he absolutely had to.

Before Steve could process the zing of pain through his head and neck, he was already situated as comfortably as possible on Eddie’s lap, face turned into his stomach.

One of Eddie’s hands gently cupped the back of his head, holding him steady so he could completely relax.

He did, or as much as he really could with the level of pain he was at.

“You take anything?” Eddie asked as his other hand started slowly rubbing his shoulder, just a light pressure to ease him into more touch.

“Mhm.”

He’d taken something at lunch, and then again when he got off of work and didn’t think he’d be able to drive home without something in his system.

It seemed like it was actually kicking in now, though that could also be Eddie’s practiced attention to all the worst areas of pain.

The kids were slowly coming into the room, Steve could hear them setting things on the coffee table as quietly as possible, whispering amongst themselves.

It was suddenly extremely hot in the room, and Steve knew that was just part of the crash as the medicine kicked in further. Normally, he was alone or only with Eddie, and could strip and lay on cool sheets with a fan blowing on him, but he couldn’t with the kids here.

He knew if he asked, they would go. They were good kids, and they’d understand, and Eddie could reschedule for the next day since he was off.

But he didn’t want them to have to rearrange everything because of him, not when Eddie was so excited about a new character introduction for tonight.

“Alright guys, gonna have to keep it to a whisper,” Eddie said, the rise and fall of his stomach as he breathed lulling Steve into a calm state, though not quite sleeping.

Eddie continued to run the campaign, everyone being as quiet as possible, only Dustin having to be reminded once to keep his voice down when he got a bit overexcited about getting past the guards surrounding the water they had to dive in to get to some kind of map.

It was all very complicated to Steve, and he couldn’t keep on a good day.

Eddie’s hands rested on his body the entire time, slowly rubbing circles into any part they could reach, fingers running slowly through his hair.

Steve drifted at some point, and when he woke up, the room was pitch black and Eddie’s hands had stilled, resting on his arm and head.

Steve blinked up at him, moving his head only enough to squint up at Eddie’s face.

He was passed out, mouth wide open, head leaned back along the back of the couch.

He had no idea what time it was, or how long they’d been like this, but he wasn’t going to wake him up.

He noticed the pain in his head had dulled to just the occasional sharp pinch in his forehead and most of his joints seemed like he could move them without wanting to crumble to the ground.

He slowly rolled onto his back, but Eddie let out a loud snore and immediately opened his eyes when he felt the movement.

“You okay?” He rasped.

“Better,” Steve smiled up at him, reaching a hand up to cup his cheek. “Thanks for taking care of me, baby.”

“Anytime, sweet love. You wanna move to the bed?”

“Can we take a bath first?”

Eddie looked over at the clock.

“It’s past midnight, are you sure?”

“Yeah. Just wanna relax in a bath with you for a bit.”

Eddie leaned down to kiss him.

Sometimes he did that; Just kissed him instead of using words to reply, showing him instead of telling him in the best way.

These kisses were different from his other kisses. They were softer, less hungry, loving in a way that Steve didn’t think words could even say.

“Let’s go relax in the bath, then.”

“Did the game go okay?” Steve asked as he slowly sat up.

“Yeah. Kids were worried about you.”

“I’m okay. You told them I’m okay, right?”

“I told them you’d be okay. They just love you,” Eddie said, standing up and stretching his arms above his head.

“I love them, too.”

“You’re kind of our north star, Stevie.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm. We’re a bit lost without you. That’s why it’s hard to see you hurting like that. Not just for me, but for all of us.”

“I’m fine now.”

Eddie didn’t respond, left a kiss on his forehead, and started walking towards their bathroom.

“Come be fine in the bath with me!” He said over his shoulder.

Steve obliged. He’d be fine anywhere as long as Eddie was there to take care of him.

[transmutationisms]

I would love to hear more of your thoughts on House & its relation to the detective genre ! I think that house (completely accidentally and very badly) stumbles into a good critique of how doctors & medical structures view addicts & disabled people, with house being a horrible hegemonic mr malpractice to his patients frequently yet half is series is unironically just about all the injustice/mistreatment he faces because his doctor colleagues can’t see him as a person but only as a problem to be solved/rehabbed/therapized/institutionalized/treated like a child with stolen candy/treated like a criminal. and then it also randomly takes an incredibly pro MAID stance. which isn’t really part of this but I just remembered how batshit insane that show was. and then chase killed a dictator and I feel like the show was squarely on his side for that one. Anyway. Do you have thoughts? I really like house.

ok here's my house md take. like a lot of medical dramas, the show essentially relies for its dramatic appeal on the construal of patients as gross, weird, and stupid—rubes who are too uneducated and self-serving in their petty lies to solve their own bodies, and thus need the intervention of house to fix them. this is standard for the genre, although slightly meaner on house than on some other examples (cf. grey's or even the older and soapier generation of these shows). i don't even think house committing malpractice is all that new; it's relatively common as a plot point that positions the noble rule-breaking doctor as someone who 'does what needs to be done' and skirts the bureaucratic red tape to follow their own superior judgment. what makes house more interesting is that from the get-go, house himself is both a doctor and an unwilling patient. in itself this isn't a tension that's new to the medical soap (injuring a major character is pretty par for the course) but house's particular interactions with the ruling biomedical epistemology are, as you point out, characterised by hostility and resistance, and the show frequently either sides with house, or at least leaves it somewhat up to the viewer to decide whether house is right to resist the pathologisation that cuddy and wilson try to impose on him.

this is kind of a tricky line to walk for 7 seasons or however long the show is. my recollection is there are episodes, for example, where it's very clear that house's pain is physical, and the writers use this to morally justify his vicodin use. this is obviously not a full-throated defence of opioid users, but it is at least pointing to a position on chronic pain that allows for the possibility that for some people, long-term use of drugs with a high addiction potential and side effects is legitimately the best thing. but, this messaging is also undercut by the fact that it's primetime television, they need to make drama, and there are definitely also episodes where house is framed as potentially lying about his pain, or at least mistaking a somatic problem for a physical one, which the writers often (not always, but often) present as evidence that actually, house shouldn't be trusted to make his own decisions about drug use, and ideally should be 'de-toxed' and probably sent to cbt or whatever. of course all of these considerations are also contextualised by the fact that house is, again, not just a patient but a doctor: his right and ability to make these types of calls for himself is, it's suggested, a result of his having attained medical education and credentials. the patients who come to be treated by him are seldom, if ever, given this same level of consideration or presumed to have sufficient self-awareness to make their own medical decisions. this isn't to say they're portrayed entirely unsympathetically, but ultimately the narrative engine of the show relies on house being the smartest guy in the room (though ofc, sometimes tragically 'held back by his addiction').

so, although there are moments on the show that genuinely transgress some of the norms of the med-drama genre, i have never agreed with people who thought that the show as a whole was presenting any sustained critique of the medical system, the treatment of chronic pain/disability, or the power-imbalanced doctor-patient relationship. ultimately all authority on house md is supposed to emanate from the physician, or the physician's superiors (cuddy as a 'check' on house, though sometimes a failed one! again because of the need to generate drama for like 140 episodes), and at its most radical the show is really only capable of presenting house himself as an out-of-control aberration whose existence strains the existing system rather than being produced by it.

this is where i think the comparison to the cop show genre becomes more clarifying. house md never made a secret of being an interpolation of the detective genre, specifically sherlock holmes. however, i'm not sure i've ever really seen writing on the show that analyses what effect this actually has on house. like police, doctors are tasked with maintaining certain social norms; the dichotomy between policing and medicine isn't even a solid line, as criminality is frequently rhetorically construed as a pathology in itself and medical authorities can and do have recourse to carceral systems in order to discipline and confine recalcitrant patients, the 'criminally insane', addicts, and so forth. (policing has historically also been understood in a more expansive sense than how we use the word today; our understanding of the medical/public health system as separate from police authority is arguably more to do with university credentialling than the actual exercise of social and political power).

so, if we want to be serious about the portrayal of medicine in popular culture (i am always serious about this) then we're necessarily talking about broader systems of power, social control, and discipline, and doubly so on a show like house that is explicitly inspired by detective fiction. this is where house md is most ideologically objectionable to me: as with the trope of the cop who breaks all the rules, house is basically positioned in one of two ways throughout the show. either he's a lone genius who alone is willing to achieve noble ends (cure) through distasteful means (breaking into patients' homes, berating them, performing risky interventions on them, &c), or—and this is rarer on house but does happen—he's portrayed as genuinely crossing an ethical line, in which case he's a kind of monstrous aberration from the normal, ethical functioning of the medical system, often represented metonymously by the objections that cuddy, wilson, or house's underlings raise. in both of these cases, as with copaganda, the function is ultimately to reinforce the idea that doctors, though occasionally capable of human error, are prima facie wiser than their patients, looking out for their patients' best interests, and performing noble social roles as healers. house, ofc, is very rarely willing to admit that he has any underlying ethical motivations, though much of the show is driven by the flashes where he is revealed to 'secretly' care about another person (often wilson) and anyway, the construction of an ethical society in which all individual actors are motivated solely by selfish interests is a very established rhetorical move for those interested in defending liberal capitalist societies (cf. charles darwin, thomas malthus, adam smith, &c).

because of television's need to generate profit via audience engagement, house md always relied on a certain level of shock or at least provocation in order to sustain itself. so, there are certain aberrations from the more overtly doctor-valorising medical dramas, like the suggestion (sometimes tongue-in-cheek) that house was better at his job when he was mildly high on opioids. this was, for the reasons outlined above, never a serious entry into political critique, but it was at least refreshing in a certain way as a departure from, eg, the portrayal of addiction and drug use that we see on grey's, which is completely limited to the medicalised AA narrative of 'recovery' as a battle against the malevolent intervention of an external chemical agent. which is to say that although house md is ultimately reactionary in the way we should expect from an american tv show, it did at least dabble in a certain level of caustic iconoclasm that allowed limited departures from the genre conventions. even with what was ultimately a pretty solid vindication of the anti-opioid narrative, the show does stand out in my mind as one of the few very popular presentations of any kind of alternative stance on chronic drug use. that it's usually put in house's own mouth means it is occasionally legitimated by his epistemological authority as a physician, though ofc ultimately this authority is challenged not through a critique of the medical system, but by presenting house as individually and aberrantly licentious, undisciplined, and insane—and his chronic pain/disability are both a justification for this, and a shorthand for conveying it.

[all-seems-no-well]

"Testing...Hello? Can you hear me?..."

------------

-Hello. AHEM... Regarding the past events of "Kalloway Kindergarten" , We have decided to hear from the victims 20 years later to get a better insight on what really happened. The following paragraphs will be from our latest interviews with each, separate person. - These will be repeated from what our subjects had said to the interviewers. - Sadly, some people hadn't come to the interview. So please bear with us on this unfortunate mishap. Thank you for listening, Thank you for your patience, and thank you for coming.

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-Subject no. 1 (???)

"Subject number one was unable to make it today.

-Subject no. 2 (Lilith (Lily) Prescott.)

"Slow and painful it was. At least, that's how it felt for me. But I can't imagine the more brutal things my brother had to go through. He was missing for a while, and...Nobody knew where he went. Until that very day, I and...someone else, had found him...... Under the school. The principal was doing experiments on him. It was all so... horrific. Too horrific for a child to see... If I could go back in time and give my younger self a hug, I wouldn't think twice. As for my brother, I would've done the same, even at the time. I wish In that moment I could've told him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me... But now I can't..."

-Subject no. 3 (???)

"Subject number three was unable to make it today."

-Subject no. 4 (Jerome Kennedy.)

"Hearing about the awful stuff my dad did after he died, broke me as a kid. If I had known what he was doing before, I would've told someone before it got so bad... Sometimes I still blame myself for everything that happened. I know I shouldn't, but he was MY dad. I can't get over it."

-Subject no. 5 (Buggs V. Mallory.)

"Shit sucked. Those other kids were awful to me. And yeahhh, I may or may not have been awful to them back. But YOU would be a dick too if YOU were constantly bullied! Oh, right...that... Well, I wasn't really a part of the whole thing. All I know is one day our principal died, and then another day our other principal died. A lot of principals died that week, man. So uh. I don't know.

-Subject no. 6 (Cynthia (Cindy) Louelle.)

"Okay, well. Kindergarten was kinda blehh... y'know? I met some decent people there, I guess. But I also met the most rudest girl in the world! Ugh... But yeah, like, I didn't really care about the whole "principal experimenting on us" jig. It was kinda just stupid... and annoying.... And I honestly don't even recall half of the teachers there, sooo...."

-Subject no. 7 (Monty Hyde.)

"I lost a lot at that damn school. I mean seriously, they didn't think to fire the janitor after day two?! I lost my legs because of him! And now I've just been stuck with these unflattering girl legs. But y'know what? Kindergarten was pretty fun at times. Cause' I was a little shit, and all the teachers knew it. I was even smarter than the science teacher, which says a lot about how smart I am now as an adult! ....are you recording this? Yeah? Good. YOU HEAR THAT DR. DANNER?! I'M BETTER NOW. IM A SUCCESSFUL MILLIONAIRE, AND WHERE ARE YOU? PROBABLY IN A RETIREMENT HOME...... Uh- Thank you for having me here..."

-Subject no. 8 (Felix K. Huxley.)

"I say... Kindergarten was certainly quite the experience. Younger me would've said it was horrible, but now that I've matured I see just how dramatic I was being. Though, there were some things I did that....I'm not quite proud of.... But! That aside, the experience looking back at it was quite swell. If not for that place, I wouldn't have met my lovely Cynthia...or what's his face- uh- Monty!... He's helped me a lot with my business, and I tip my metaphorical and imaginary hat to him."

-Subject no 9. (Theodore (Ted) K. Huxley)

"I believe they should've had much better funding, and staff. Because that place was just...awful. The teachers obviously despised their jobs, and the bathrooms... Oh the bathrooms were foul...! And even thinking about Kindergarten brings back horrible memories of what my brothe- actually nevermind... But anyway, thinking about the pain and suffering those poor students before me must've gone through...it makes me sick to my stomach. They could've done so much better for the students and the school itself."

-Subject no. 10 (???)

"Subject number ten was unable to make it today."

-Subject no. 11 (???)

"Subject number eleven was also unable to make it today."

-Subject no. 12 (Ozzy Harrison.)

"I don't have any good memories of that place. Not one. I'm sorry, but I don't even wanna talk about it anymore..."

-Subject no. 13 (Madison Bonneau.)

"It was like one second I was at recess, and then another I was in some sci-fi looking lab! But me and my friends got saved by some randos, so all was well after that I think! But in all seriousness, that mean lady got what she deserved. I'm glad nobody has to put up with her ever again... oh, oh! And also there was a girl there when it happened...and her head freakin' exploded!! I couldn't sleep for days because of the sight!"

-Subject no. 14 (Alison (Alice) M. Claire.)

"I heard Madi from the other room... I am incredibly sorry about her... excitement? She's never been interviewed before, and quite frankly, neither have i- o-oh, yes...my apologies... The whole situation had really put a negative toll on my well-being. I was scared to go back to school, I had a hard time trusting people, and I was overall terrified of everyone and everything around me. It felt like a bunch of eyes had been laid upon my person, and hands were out to hurt me at any moment. I and my friends were kidnapped by the other school's principal, and to say it was traumatizing would be an understatement..."

-Subject no. 15 (Ronaldo (Ron) Duncan.)

"hey do you have any cheese? No? Okay.. Well anyway. What I remember is like.. kinda crazy. So bear with me. I was just on the playground, swinging on the swings, okay? And then suddenly IM KNOCKED OUT, LIKE BLAM! And then, I woke up in some bunker with a bunch of sciencey stuff in it. And I'm like floating around in this giant tube thingy, right? And then these kids come into the bunker and they're like "well save you!!" And then the evil principle lady turns me into a monster and I'm all like "blehghh" and my friends are also like "blehghh." BUT THEN the principal lady also turns into a giant, ugly monster!! And then the kids kill her like superheroes. True story."

-Subject no 16 and 18 (???)

"These two subjects were unable to come in today due to their own plans together."

-Subject no. 17 (Austin Scarrow)

"I don't actually CARE about the stuff that happened in kindergarten! That stuff was a long time ago, and it doesn't matter to me anymore..."

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"By listening to our subject's stories, We hope you know how much this means to them, finally being able to speak up about their own experiences from the tragedy. These people are powerful, and strong, and we wish nothing but the best for them."

------

------

"...Jesus...these kids are gonna make me a killing. I've got to get in contact with those other subjects... If I don't, this whole jig is gonna go out of business..."

[schizopositivity]

Hello! I just had a quick scroll through your blog and it helped me to understand a bit more! I was wondering if you could answer a question of mine? I have a friend with Schizophrenia and just in you personal experience, does confirming things that are real bad? Like if they think they hear dogs barking and aren't sure if it is real or not it's good to confirm something like that right?

Well I can't speak for everyone with schizophrenia. We are all different and have unique needs and preferences. I think you should ask your friend, they know themselves best.

As an example of how it could go: for me I'll ask my partner if they hear/see/smell something. And they will casually and calmly tell me yes or no. If they say no, they don't ask more questions. We both know I hallucinate and at this point in my life it's not a big deal. But I do like to check and see if it is a hallucination or not just for my own curiosity. They are the only person I feel comfortable doing this with because they know me best, and they don't treat it like a huge deal, which I appreciate.

You should also be aware of some of the reasons a schizophrenic person might not want to reality check with someone in this way. A lot of people will treat any hallucination someone they know has as a big dramatic thing that needs an immediate solution. People might react by getting really concerned and treating their loved one completely differently for having active hallucinations. Maybe they just raise their eyebrows and keep a close eye on you. Maybe they try to see the hallucination themselves. Maybe they suddenly act like the hallucinating person is in danger. They might even rush into trying to get the person into a hospital. The hallucinating person also may simply be embarrassed to tell people. And while all of this can come from a genuine place of concern, it can be really upsetting for the hallucinating person. It might just be their everyday symptoms, and someone being very dramatic about it makes them feel like they aren't seen as autonomous and conscious of themselves, or as someone that can't simply exist as themselves.

These are things you should say to a schizophrenic person while they are not hallucinating: if you want you can check with me and ask me if things are real. Would you like me to verify if things are real or not? If you are hallucinating while we are together, what would you like me to do? How can I tell when you need immediate help? And also just assure them that you won't judge them for hallucinating, you won't treat them differently, and you won't turn it into a big deal if it's not.

And if you ask them and they respond with "no I don't want to reality check with you, I don't want to tell you when I'm hallucinating" then that's their answer and you shouldn't try to push them into wanting anything else. It's not about you not being a good enough friend, it is just their personal boundaries. And if they respond with "yeah you can reality check with me, but only when I specifically ask for it" then you should accept that answer too. It takes an incredible amount of trust to reality check with someone, and that trust shouldn't be broken.

Once again, every schizophrenic person is different. I can't know what your friend would want, so please reach out to them directly about this. And if you can't openly have these types of conversations then you probably shouldn't be the one to reality check.

[blakeswritingimagines]

They overhear you saying you like them

Wednesday: It sounded alot better in your head when you said you needed to speak with Bianca about something, and granted you should've thought through the whole finally telling someone your crush on the goth girl out in the open but you weren't really thinking especially since the dark haired girl had occupied your thoughts more than you'd own up too. Leaning against a wall as you spoke about everything and asked how you should go about it looking any kind of advice you could realistically use all while not noticing the short girl was around the corner listening intently and knew she'd have to act cruel towards you so you could move on.

Enid: Knowing you shouldn't have been but you wanted an unbiased opinion, As you spoke with Wednesday about the feelings you held in high regard for Enid no matter how often the smaller girl stated she didn't care or that you should leave her alone she continued to be around when you opened your mouth to talk. Granted you should've known Wednesday wouldn't lie for you or get Enid to look the opposite way but you never thought Wednesday would make you talk as she planned out the time so Enid would come up around you two and listen to what you had said.

Xaiver: Extremely flattered and flustered, then would probably think about it for weeks on end to be honest. It would be really nice to know that you had such an interest in him to the point that you would crush on an idea of him in your head (if that makes sense) and even vent the end to get it out even if not to him at first. If he was attracted to you too, then he would try to pursue it to some extent. It would make him feel really good that he was appreciated in that way.

Rowan: You spoke to your best friend Ajax about your crush on Rowan and wondered how you should go about it telling him at least maybe you would, letting out a sigh as you listened to Ajax try to help you out but didn’t want to hear from one more person “Just tell him” since that was the last option you wanted to hear then looked up at your friend as he spoke but soon grinned seeing Rowan walk up behind you and made a quick motion for him to stay quiet as you kept talking.

Tyler: If he did overhear you saying you like him, his immediate reaction would probably be of surprise and confusion. Then, he would probably feel a combination of feelings, including excitement, pleasure, and embarrassment. He might also feel a little anxious, not wanting to disappoint you or feel pressured to reciprocate your feelings right away. But ultimately, he would be happy that you liked him and flattered by the fact that you were brave enough to say it out loud even if not to him when he first heard you liking him.

Ajax: Wouldn't be able to contain his excitement and would probably smile broadly and blush a lot from all that positive attention he just got to hear from your own mouth. His not afraid to show people that he likes you and would feel very flattered and excited that you felt the same way. He believes life is all about the good moments and positive connections so to know that someone felt the same way would be so encouraging for him.

Bianca: Walking towards the dorms with your friend Yoko who only sighed dramatically as she listened to you whine about your crush on the lady siren you've had your eye on since you've started Nevermore, rambling on and on as you got into your own head as Yoko only nodded along before smirking to herself as she saw Bianca then asked you what you thought of her only to listen to you say "She's magical not just because of her gift as a siren but every move she makes, How gorgeous she looks in any lighting dressed up or down on whatever she chooses to wear, How lost I can get in her eyes or do anything to see her bright smile" Yoko placed her hand down on your shoulder as you kept talking which made you look over at the grinning vamp only to see her motion her head to the side as you finally saw Bianca who had been listening to you practically spit out a love confession.

[supernovaa-remnant]

so, fireworks. I've been thinking about fireworks specifically in terms of the post canon utah au. new year's. fourth of july. beyond just sitting inside and hearing them, c!dream and c!wilbur eventually get invited to go watch fireworks with people and even get invited to set them off.

c!dream, maybe surprisingly, does pretty good with fireworks. loud noises aren't really a big trigger for him, but fireworks do make him feel a bit floaty, for lack of a better word. it's a bit of an out of body experience, but it's not caused by trauma. I don't know how to describe it, but I get the same way with fireworks sometimes. like you're half lost in a memory but you don't know what memory or if the memory even exists.

it reminds him a bit of doomsday. a bit of that day in the prison. but, mostly, it's just a vague feeling that leaves him feeling floaty. it's really the mix of the sounds, the visuals of the fireworks themselves, and the sky flashing with colors as the fireworks go off.

c!wilbur, though, does not have a good time. which is weird, because obviously he loves explosions, so he really shouldn't have this incessant weight in his chest. It reminds him of the 16th. it reminds him of hearing the fireworks going off before he pressed the button, and then the sound of the explosions, the ringing in his ears, the lead up to thirteen and a half years in that goddamned train station. it reminds him a bit of c!ranboo and the burger van. he always thought he liked explosions, liked how alive they made him feel, but for some reason he feels a bit more like he's dying.

at some point, he starts to have a full blown panic attack. he tries to use the various methods of calming down that his therapist has taught him, but it's so hard to even remember anything when it feels like his lungs are incapable of drawing in air.

c!dream helps.

which. let it be known that c!dream doesn't really know how to calm down another person. he just kinda grabs c!wilbur's hands and then moves to cradle c!wilbur's face. forces eye contact. breathes really dramatically before realizing he should probably have c!wilbur's hand on his chest while doing that.

you'd think that c!wilbur would hate the physical touch—there are a lot of times when physical touch makes c!dream's panic worse—but it surprisingly works. something about the physical contact helps ground c!wilbur in the present. something about c!dream's eyes helps remind c!wilbur of where he is, and it also gives him a nice distraction. he finds himself trying to pick apart c!dream's expression, and he tries to figure out why c!dream is doing this. it gives him something else to focus on, at least.

it helps c!dream a bit, too. it's not that the floaty feeling was unpleasant, per se, but this feels better. it feels nice to repay c!wilbur for the times he's helped c!dream through his panic attacks. it feels nice to make c!wilbur feel better. it feels nice to have physical contact with another person that's on his terms and that doesn't hurt.

much, much later, when they're at a fairly small gathering/party together (probably a fourth of july or new year's party), the fireworks get to c!wilbur again. c!dream holds his hand the entire time, but the host of the get together—someone who works at the animal shelter c!dream volunteers at—notices. they get c!wilbur a pair of noise canceling headphones, and it's kinda at that moment that both c!dream and c!wilbur realize that these new people they've met in this town—these new friends of theirs—are ready to support them even without knowing anything about their past.

[what-if-nct]

hiiii today's reminder is i absolutely do read your paragraphs like it's the morning paper,i love knowing what's going on with you and what you're thinking about. also i know these conversations are technically public but i definitely say a lot more than i would normally because it feels so comfortable. love you 💓

Hiii! I love you too!!! And yes it feels like a public private conversation. Like it's just us in a cafe together like there's people who walk by but like we're just talking. I consider all asks kind of like a huge slumber party and were just chatting and everything is pink and mean girls and Taylor Swift are playing in the background and it's chaotic but fun. But speaking of sleepover talk so the guy I'm talking to one well talk on the phone for like 2 -3 hours so often that last time that happened was in the summer and we were going to wait till later that week but he came and picked me up at 2am and we watched puss in boots and "cuddled" I remember him fondly actually. Like right in the middle of "cuddling" he called me cute. Which that is so adorable like that isn't the activity id think being cute would be possible. So that was the last time that happened. But with the current guy it's just the best vibe and fun and we laughed about raccoons for so long.

And okay I overshare obviously so in passing I brought up a few things that happened to me cause I told him earlier that day some guy was trying to hit on me and I just froze and didn't speak I was scared cause he was a lot older than me and he said is wrong for me to be talking to you which told me he probably thought i was way younger than i am. Cause I swear when I present younger it's always old men who be weird and creepy to me which is gross within itself. But I brought that up to him and told other instances that happened in the grocery store and i said im just probably being dramatic and he told me I wasn't being dramatic and only one other person has told me that she was actually the one who told what happened was really bad and she told me a few other things that happened to me were sa. But when I talk about it with therapists or other friends they're either dismissive, blame me, tell me to stop wearing short skirts, tell me I shouldn't have put myself in that situation and I just was never really allowed to process it so I feel like it's still unhealed and I still have a lot of anxiety about being alone in public unless it's somewhere that's mainly women. But hearing someone say I wasn't being dramatic I don't know it meant more than it probably should.

Oh also he said he was surprised I was so tall, so many people say that. So many people expect me to be shorter and I have no idea why. Also I'm not that tall I'm 5'8 so is my best friend and sister. But most importantly he has kept everything 110% innocent and sweet and I've never experienced a guy not immediately being interested in that. I started to feel like that was my only purpose but I think he actually likes me as a person, and my eyes started to water just as I said that. Okay I will stop here before I write a whole essay again. Oh I think I can show you what he looks like without actually posting a picture and I started watching this YouTuber just before I met the guy I'm talking about which is so weird that I just realized they look a lot alike like so much alike I had to bounce back and forth between their pictures.

The only difference is the guy I'm talking to, his face is a little softer. But the resemblance is uncanny even the hair and he dresses exactly like him. Also the YouTubers name is Seth Borden he's related to Lizzie Borden and he's a paranormal investigator.

[allthemusic]

Week ending: 1st December

Things are getting chilly, Christmas is approaching, and with it, three fresh new tracks, at least one of which I suspect I already know? It's well known enough that I've seen jokes and titles for other things that riff on it - a good sign? Certainly a sign that it has sticking power, for better or for worse.

Love Is a Many-Splendored Thing - The Four Aces (peaked at Number 2)

Well, the first version of this I found was very low quality, but even with a better quality version, I can tell early on that this isn't the version that I know. I did indeed know the song, but the vibe here is completely different to what I expected, a bit faster and more full of instruments and other voices. Whereas I think I know a version which just has a solo man singing?

I was also surprised, as the tune got going, to be hearing an electric bass? It's a groovier, more insistent vibe than I expected - I fully thought this would be on the soupy side.

The lyrics kind of make up for it, I guess, except they get off with the cheese by dint of their sheer audacity and scope, as they describe love as the April rose that only grows in the early spring and the golden crown that makes a man a kind. It's the sort of song where you hear about lovers kissing on lonely hills, enshrouded in mist, and how your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to sing. It walks the line between being delightfully over-the-top but also avoiding any overly cliché or lame images. It's all just fresh enough and earnest enough to work.

It's also got a soaring, swelling quality to it that carries the lyrics. In some ways, it makes me think of Secret Love, by Doris Day. Both songs have a really dramatic emotional heft, and both are pitched and arranged so as to make you want to join in, with these long, drawn out high notes, not quite so high as to be unattainable. It's good, I can see why lots of people covered this one.

This was apparently the best-selling version of the song, though it was originally written not for the Four Aces, but as an instrumental and then chorus theme for a similarly-titled romantic drama film, all about an American reporter who falls in love with a Eurasian doctor who was originally from Hong Kong. The film actually sounds pretty daring for 1955, though the main female role was apparently played by a white actress in yellowface, which... yeah, not great.

Overall, I like the song a lot, and I can see how it fits with the film's story, which you can't always say about these film tie-in songs.

Ain't That a Shame - Pat Boone (7)

This was originally a Fats Domino song, and I can tell you already, I will probably enjoy Fats' version better. There's just something about these rock and roll originals that have such a good energy, but the UK charts sadly seem to get the watered down white-person version of them, at least at this point in the 1950s.

Not that Pat's not giving it a good go, and apparently Fats himself enjoyed the cover - and the royalties money that it earned him! So maybe we shouldn't be too harsh on this, especially because it is, despite everything, some pretty textbook rock and roll, perhaps the clearest example we've heard so far? A lot of this can be credited to Fats' songwriting chops, to be fair, but still - this is good fun!

We start with two words, then two gunshot-like sax (horn?) blasts, almost reminiscent of the opening to Rock Around the Clock or Jailhouse Rock, as Pat sings about how You made // Me cry // When you said // Goodbye. It grabs your attention very effectively early on - a strong start!

Pat then goes on to sarcastically belt lines about how Ain't that a shame / You're the one to blame. He seems to be on fine, sarcastic form throughout, actually, with a gleeful sort of insincerity on lines like Oh well, goodbye / Although I'll cry / Ain't that a shame? You really get the sense that he isn't that broken up about it all - or that he is, but that he's writing this song as a sort of angry kiss-off to the love who dumped him.

Fittingly for this, the whole track has a sort of party vibe, completely with properly rollicking sax and piano solos, a fun arpeggiated chord pattern and some supremely hammy "bop-a-doo-wah" backing singers. It's good fun, in ways that can probably mostly be credited to good song-writing and an ear for instrumentation, and it all makes this song probably the most fully-formed rock and roll song we've had so far.

Twenty Tiny Fingers - The Stargazers (4)

Normally I'd assume from the title that this was a mawkishly sentimental song about having a baby and looking at their tiny hands, or something. However, since it's the Stargazers, who recently gave us the nightmarish but at least fun Close The Door, I'm willing to extend a bit of goodwill here. The Stargazers have been many things when they have appeared in this project, but boring has rarely been one of them.

And yeah, it turns out I was right on both counts. This is a song about babies, but it's got a bit of that Stargazers silliness, too. Much like its spiritual predecessor, Where Will the Dimple Be, this song was also covered at some point by Alma Cogan. This is all honestly making me wonder why people were so obsessed with songs about babies in 1955?! I know it was the baby boom, but still - did people really want multiple songs about having a baby?

Thankfully, the Stargazers keep the pace up, with a sort of oom-pah bass, trombone versions of the "shave and a haircut" riff, and some rather daft lyrics. Sure, we get some sentimental stuff about how the babies have Twenty tiny fingers, twenty tiny toes / Two angel faces, each with a turned up nose. One looks like mum, while the other other has a bald patch exactly like his pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop. Fine. But we also get some genuinely funny lines, including the description of the mum's waters breaking and the couple rushing to the hospital, and the dad waiting on pins only to be told with a handshake from the doctor that it's twins. Keeping it light, you know?

I also quite like more realistic lyrics later on about the difficulties of having twins, such as how We've got cribs and bottles and bibs / All round our three roomed flat / No time to see what's on TV / No room to hang your hat, or about how It's twice the laundry, twice the milk / It's twice the baby clothes / It's double this and double thatn /Oh how the money goes. All of this seems pretty accurate, based on everything I've heard from people with twins. So that's something.

And more than that, the song just doesn't outstay its welcome. As novelty songs go, that's pretty good. I'm not gonna be clamouring to put this back on, but it's fine, and keeps moving nicely. Which leaves me with just one question - if there are two babies, shouldn't there be 40 fingers and toes? What has happened to these babies' hands and feet? Should I be worried?

Well, that was a good, fun set of songs. I was kind of expecting at least one duff song, but really, I'd listen to all three of these again. We are in the rock and roll era proper, now, and it's so good! I have some misgivings categorising Pat Boone as a rock and roller. But here? Yeah, he's rocking and rolling with te best of them, and honestly, it's making me want to listen properly to Fats Dominos, so that's a win for both artists.

Favourite song of the bunch: Ain't That a Shame

[thedickgraysonrp]

What do you look for in a rp partner?

AND/OR

How do you overcome writer’s block?

♡ Munday Meme ♡

What do you look for in a rp partner?

Oh boy. This is going to be a bit long, so buckle up.

I think what most of what I look for in a RP partner can be divided into three main categories, both in Discord and Tumblr RP: Interest, Communication and Initiative. Now for a bit of an explanation below the line if interested:

Interest: If you don't show interest in what we roleplay, why roleplay at all? That is not to say you constantly need to come up with new ideas or plot devices, or fantasize about our muses doing whatever together 24/7—not at all. It links to one of the rules I state in my rules page, honestly: Quality over Quantity (or both, if possible). Quality in writing, for me, comes when you are actually interested in what happens in a roleplay when you write it. You want it to develop and grow, you want to continue writing a story together, or reach a satisfying conclusion to it. For shorter threads, you want to capture a moment—may it be funny, sad, dramatic or silly, it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be an endless text wall, too. Sometimes a lot more can be said in a juicy paragraph than an empty text wall of nothing. When you're not interested in what you write, it SHOWS. RPing is a major hobby of mine, has been for years, and even if my interest fluctuates and is a subject of my whims it is clear as daylight when I lack interest and trust me, it probably shows in your writing too. Which brings us right to the next point—

Communication: I 👏 CANNOT 👏 STRESS 👏 THIS 👏 POINT 👏 ENOUGH. One of the things I find majorly lacking in Tumblr RPC is communication between partners. Maybe it's because RPs here are based on threads and not an instant messaging system, or maybe other reasons, but it shouldn't matter! From OOC conversations to deep dives into muses, communication with a RP partner is a MUST, no matter what platform you use. You want to wrap up a thread or not make one out of an ask/meme? You can either discuss it with your partner, note it in your tags, or like the post to let your partner know not to expect a reply (which is a thing here on Tumblr, I learned?). Not interested in that blog/partner? Though it's up for debate on this platform if to do so or not, I suggest just sending a small polite message to that blog/partner indicating that. I can only speak from personal experience, but most of the partners I did so were very civil about it and we parted on good or neutral terms. Sometimes it's not forever, and it means they are not interested at the moment. Of course, if civil communication doesn't happen, there's always a block option. Haven't gotten a reply to your thread for a long time? Don't jump to conclusions, message your partner. Tumblr is a glitchy goose and notifications are shotty at best, it might have just not popped up for them. Or, perhaps, initiating a conversation will trigger them to talk about why they haven't replied since they were scared or worried to talk about it. Want to RP with this new/old blog but don't know how? Talk to them. Who knows? They might have been waiting on the other end to hear just from you. There are a lot of other examples out there. Most of the roleplayers I encountered on Tumblr are really nice and eager to write, and even if things don't work out between you two, you know you've tried. Now, I'm no saint—I myself find it hard to message people sometimes and ask/discuss things because I think I may be annoying/a drag/unwanted/etc. (anxiety yaaay), and one of the things that reassure me it's comfortable and safe to talk to other people is them initiating or talking back. You never know who is on the other side of the screen. I would love to make friends here and share my interests beyond RPing and writing if I feel safe to do so, too. People automatically assume communication means constantly talking to your partner every minute of the day, which is NOT even close, and that's where the third category comes in for me—

Initiative: I intentionally put this here and not with communication to make a point. No, you don't need to talk to your partner every hour of the day and be all over them to show your interest, BUT you do have to show initiative. So what does that mean? To me, initiative links both interest and communication together. Yes, we're all people with things to do outside Tumblr and the RPC, some of us more busy than others and so on. And yes, while roleplaying is a hobby and not a job and you have no obligation to it whatsoever and it's for your enjoyment and pass time alone, you are still writing with someone. Naturally, like every communication, there are expectations on both ends. It is recommended to set those expectations beforehand, of course—may it be stated in your rules (as it always should) or discussed over if anything is unclear. Initiative means showing to your RP partner that you're still present and there's a potential of interest. It doesn't necessarily mean sending asks/memes or answering starter calls (though these are always usually highly welcome if your partner posts those), because we're not always in the mood to write with that specific muse or answer that specific thread. Or, sometimes, we're just busy. Initiative means engaging with their blog, show them you are still interested in it even if it's not necessarily in writing with them atm. Liking that visual they posted or headcanon they wrote for their muse, leaving a comment on something, tagging them in stuff and so on. And if you are interested in writing with them? Don't wait around—ask them if they want to write or send them something. You may not always get an equal level of interest as yours, if at all, but they will know you are there. And that's what counts. You don't need to do this every minute, every hour or every day. But you need to do it. If you'll sit there expecting people to engage with you out of the blue and you do nothing at all, it's most likely not going to happen if you don't initiate. People would most likely assume you are not interested in their muses, writing or blog and just leave you alone. I know how hard it is to take initiative sometimes, it can feel like a big step— it feels that way a lot of times for me too. But it takes two to tango. The sheer amount of times I thought my RP partners don't want to write or be partners anymore because they the engagement was one sided is ridiculous.

So, yeah. Be mindful of yourself and others when roleplaying or engaging with RP blogs.

[the-single-element]

Good morning.

Today we hear another famous story from Matthew's Good News, where Simon expresses his trust in Jesus as the messiah, and Jesus responds by expressing the trust he's placing in Simon, and by giving him a new nickname (as we've often seen God do with those in whom He's particularly close). It's not a famous story because it's particularly flashy or dramatic... but because it's often quoted, particularly in Catholic circles, for rhetorical reasons. Go to a mass today, and there's a good chance the sermon will be about the Roman Catholic interpretation of Jesus's endorsement, which Popes have used as the basis of their claim to the last word on matters of religious truth.

Perhaps there's an interesting post to be made about that topic, someday. I've certainly expressed, before, my reservations about how Popes (if they really did inherit Peter's endorsement) tend to use those privileges. But today, I want to talk about the guy who received this endorsement, this nickname. Today, I want to talk about Simon bar-Jonah, called "Cephas". About Simon Peter. About, if you'll excuse the linguistic joke, Simon "The Rock" Johnson.

In some ways, I have to express a debt of gratitude to the evangelists here, because unlike a lot of people in Jesus's inner circle, whose personalities aren't always clear in the surviving Good News, Simon has a fair number of anecdotes attached to his name, and they paint a pretty amazing picture of who this guy was.

Because here is a guy who is incredibly eager but perpetually overcompensating. He'll make a mistake, and then take the correction so seriously that he veers off into another mistake in the opposite. direction instead. He'll overcommit and then panic when he realizes he's in over his head, swerving between "tell me to walk on water and I'll do it!" and "Aah, I'm drowning!", between an outraged "I'd rather die than deny you" and a terrified "I swear I've never heard of this Jesus guy in my life!"

And sometimes, like today, he'll get things miraculously right, only to then double down on it and stumble into being tragically wrong.

And this is the guy Jesus hands the keys.

Why?

Because as fallible, as human, as Simon Peter's approach is, he's actually listening. He's actually trying to understand Jesus's message, and understands its value even when he gets it wrong, or stumbles too far ahead of it, or when (for example in Jesus's "literally eat me" sermon or when he offers to build those sukkot at the Transfiguration) its meaning is too bewildering to grasp. Because - as we learned in Lent - the Kingdom is in part a matter of a willingness to reconsider, a willingness to change your way.

And Jesus probably knows, somehow, that in the future Simon Peter will be called on to make a tough call, and that Peter's confused, human, but fundamentally well-meaning overcompensation will be exactly what's needed to keep the Way pointed in the right direction.

Luke the Evangelist reports on that situation in his "Acts of the Apostles". Aside from a few Spirit-fueled sermons, it's the main thing Peter is mentioned as accomplishing after the Ascension. To sum it up: Peter will have a confusing dream about treyf food, where the voice of God will repeat over and over, "what God has cleansed, you must not call unclean". Then he'll awaken, and be asked to visit the home of a Roman centurion - which would normally also be forbidden by the Rabbinical advice of the time. In doing so, he'll manage to win over the whole house, and thereby set a precedent that those who are not Jews are still allowed to be Christians.

In fact, he'll go even further. He'll go another mile past what he was explicitly asked to do - he'll go on to argue that these new Christians shouldn't even need to be bound by the Sinai Covenant, because if it's so hard even for Jews to live up to that standard, wouldn't it be far too a heavy burden to ask from people who'd never before had to bear it?

That's the moment, I think, that this whole story leads up to. It's a moment that Jesus must have foreseen when he said "what you bind will be bound; what you loose will be loosed". Peter's own words in that moment are the evidence, because those are the terms he frames it in: that it is better to loose this burden than to bind it. The result is that he binds those who walk the Way only to the Law of Noah - the Jewish doctrine on what counts as "righteous" among non-Jewish peoples.

That radical inclusion of all ethnicities and cultures in the Way is the foundation of the Church - the only way it could have been built. It was Simon Peter - his particular nature, his particular tendency to take correction by swerving far in the opposite direction - that made it possible to bind what ought be bound and loose what ought be loosed.

And that's what God asks of us, too. Not perfection - of course not perfection, because people are imperfect. On the contrary, God calls us with all our quirks and foibles, and even relies on us to be ourselves, so that the communion of saints might have the right person for every circumstance. All he asks is what he asked of Peter: that we try our best, and listen when we get it wrong. That we set foot to the path, and change direction to get back on it when we find ourselves in the rough - even if it leaves us swerving back and forth for a while.

If Simon Peter - poor, fallible, too-hot-or-too-cold Simon Peter - achieved such things by being that kind of person, then we should take heart, too. That perhaps many things we think of as "character flaws" are, in fact, gifts given to us that we just haven't learned how to use yet. That, yes, we have to change our direction, but that this change won't be self-destructive.

That if you can learn how to live in the Kingdom, then you'll be living there not as some stranger who was once you, but as yourself, and working wonders that only you can do.

[filthforfriends]

who: Ethan + platonic rest of band what: fluff when: day time where: apartment why: Reader has hair like Ethan but straightens it, and one time they find her at home with rlly curly hair (think Brian May) and it's fluffy

"I'm sure she won't mind!"

"Impromptu dinners are fun, it'll be great!" You hear the voices of Damiano and Victoria outside your door, apparently accompanying your boyfriend home. This happened every so often: one of them would buy some nice wine and Damiano would find something of exceptional quality at the farmers market, so he'd want to cook. They'd think hey, let's just make it a party. Why Ethan was designated as the host however was a total mystery.

He was an introvert with a calming presence. The band usually knew better than to trample over his peace and quiet, but this was an exception. Unfortunately, this surprise was also on your day off. You'd given your hair and skin a break from product, which drastically changed your appearance. Ethan could be heard attempting to reason with them in hushed tones, Thomas' voice boisterous and oblivious.

You searched for a hair tie or something in your near vicinity, but nothing less than 40 minutes of skilled work could tame your mane. It was pointless to try so you braced for impact. When the lock clicked, you turned away to be spared of the immediate reaction. Of course dramatic Damiano audibly gasped. Thomas realized why Ethan had been discouraging him, and fell dead silent, probably with a bit of guilt. You turned to see his face and found Victoria grinning wide. She skipped right up to you and started touching your curls. You wanted to tell her off, but more so you wanted to throw something at Dami, who stood there with his jaw on the floor.

"Yeah, I know, it's ridiculous. I'm aware." You don't hide the irritation, and decide locating a hair tie would make the situation better.

"Oh, I wasn't going to say ridiculous!" Victoria gushed. She followed you into the bathroom, playing with your hair like a cat. When you smacked her hand away she laughed good-naturdly, unoffended.

"Right, sorry! Is this how you became an amazing stylist? Like dealing with your own hair?" Feeling like a zoo animal was very unpleasant, but this was a line of questioning you are comfortable with.

"It takes a lot to get it silky and straight, like someone's is naturally. Y'know all it takes for Ethan's is -"

"Aha! Brian May! Thats who I was thinking off," Thomas exclaims.

"Brian May?" Damiano murmurs, not recognizing the name. "Oh, psh, from Queen, obviously! Yeah, I see it." Damiano, at least has the good sense to wince as soon as he speaks. Thomas seems oblivious to the notion that being compared to a man born in the 40s wasn't a compliment.

"And, y'know, what people don't get about him as a guitarist..." You let Thomas drone on about music facts down the hall from you, at least distracting Damiano. Victoria watches your face as you wrestle with your hair, braking the only elastic in sight. You let out a growl of frustration and hear Ethan knocking on the door frame.

"Cara mia, I'm sorry about them. I would've warned you we were coming. I tried to talk them out of it, but -"

"Wait, wait. Y/n shouldn't have to spend an hour on her hair every time she comes in contact with another person. Thats exhausting!" You let out a snort, laughing at the painful accuracy of Vic's statement. "I think it's beautiful and Thomas doesn't know how to talk to other human beings, but comparing you to one of his favorite guitarists is a huge compliment because he's an idiot. Damiano likes the sound of his own voice and Ethan knows you're too good for him, so let me get you a goddamn glass of wine!"

She leaves the room, on a mission. You hear both Damiano and Thomas make noises of dissent and know its Victoria causing them some kind of inconvenience as retribution on your behalf. Ethan steps into the bathroom behind you, tucking the tag into your shirt, sweeping your hair off of one shoulder, and kissing the skin.

"Your beautiful, beautiful hair," he declares, softly. You smile, because theres no arguing with him on this. Ethan loves your hair, even when it gets in his mouth while you're cuddling.

"They're more annoying than I remember." As if on cue, you hear something shatter on the kitchen floor, probably a wine glass.

"Every day they are my burden and you are my reprieve," he jokes, kissing all the way up your neck. He strokes you head, coaxing the hair back. When it's manageable enough, Ethan uses the hair tie on his wrist to secure it back. You sigh, letting the tension go and allowing yourself to smile.

"So, how was the studio today?" Ethan opens his mouth the answer, but is interrupted by Victoria's husky voice.

"I got your wine y/n! Is it safe to come back? You're not fucking in there right?" Ethan dissolves into disbelieving laughter from the mortification. He props is forearm against the wall and hangs his head, eyes scrunched closed.

"Make them leave," you request.

"If only I could."

[vispero]

So, about previous Genshin and Luckae or Kaeluc ship.

I need to clarify some things. (Also don't mind mistakes, English isn't my first language.)

To me fictional content isn't some "example" you should follow irl. It's more about experiencing something you actually -can't- do irl. And as far as you not doing something bad/illegal, you free to like, create and enjoy any character and ships. There is actual laws about content which is allowed or now, and if someone just don't like something but it's allowed by site rules, then by no means anyone should blame, troll or hate people who create -allowed- content. Block button is a thing and it's better to use it than make "fandom" "hatedom".

All my life I was playing games, mostly Jrpg (final fantasy, tales of etc.). And in my childhood translations usually was bad or awful :') Years later I finally was able to check original scripts and yep, there was a lot of "new" facts. So even now, while I playing with Japanese audio and English or other subtitles, I often compare what I hear and what I see, and there sadly a ton of differences, some major, some minor (same goes about just text without audio, and it's more difficult to compare sadly). Should localisation team change facts to make it more appealing for their audience? Idk, honestly. To me original script and ideas always come first and translations and adaptations second, it shows what authors meant initially and I'm here for that. But even if someone prefer translations/localisations, then they shouldn't be arrogant and going so far as telling that only their opinion valid while ignoring Original (in Genshin case - Chinese) version and it's enjoyers.

Now about Kaeya and Diluc. I didn't know anything about them when I started playing. And after some of first quests I actually catched myself thinking "Damn, there is so nice chemistry there, I'm all here for that!" Muuuch later piece by piece I learned about their story. I also found post about Chinese version about their relationship, it was really educational. (I need to clarify that incest isn't my cup of tea, I'm not judging or anything, just not my thing. Idk if I'm bad person because of that but honestly I don't think I should tell anyone what they should like/ship. Also see 1th paragraph.) But in Kaeya and Diluc case I don't see them as actual brothers, adoptive or not. There is more interesting and complicated situation and I'm here for that, I like difficult relationships in media. And if Chinese players explained about "sworn brothers" trope, then it's clear why Genshin creators went with it. Western fandom can accept it or not because of English translation, but they honestly shouldn't force their opinion on those who don't see them as actual brothers. I don't think it's that hard?

I'm not really caring about what some people think about me online. I'm not drawing anything shocking (I hope xD), so people can like or don't like my opinion/artworks, but it's more about preferences than anything else. Most of my works very SFW or with some R rating (because of blood/dark theme), but I strongly support all artists and writers, sfw of nsfw.

And yep, I ship Diluc and Kaeya. In more Chinese trope style (perspective), so if someone don't like it just ignore me. I'm really glad I found this ship, they have complicated and dramatic story and I'm here for that. So "Hi" to all fellow shippers <3

P.S. I'm more Luckae person but you probably won't notice it in my artworks, they mostly G-PG13 anyway.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I hope you are had a good day! Not really a question, just some thoughts that I would like to hear your (and maybe others') opinion about it. 

Recently I've been thinking about how much art (more so painting/drawing, poetry and music) as a medium is viewed as an expression of one's feelings in a very Fi-ish way? Personal, raw, driven directly from author's emotions and experiences. As someone who doesn't use Fi (ISTP, I think), this way of describing art (or, rather, being told how I am supposed to create original work) was weird and alienating. When I try to draw or write something to express my feelings directly, I always end up drawing a blank or ending up with a forced result; and I don't enjoy the process very much - not because it is difficult or painful, but it's just... boring and meaningless to me. I think that all my works end up as me playing with exploring an idea that I find interesting but they tend to not reflect feelings of me, as a person. Usually, when I write poetry, it's from a first-person point of view, but that "first person" is never me, and the feelings that are expressed are never truly "mine", if it makes sense? For me, art feels like an extension of myself rather then reflection. When I write, I get to try on the roles of different people, to explore how someone would handle a situation, when would they think and feel, to make sense of and impersonate someone who isn't me. But sometimes that makes me feel like my art is wrong is some way, because it never ends up being about me and that it might feel "impersonal", although, people have told me that they cried after reading some of my stuff because it really touched them, so that's probably just my overthinking. When I play the piano (just amateurish stuff since previous owners of the house didn't bother to take the piano away with them), in my mind I first try to construct a scene of  the music - where is it? who is the main character? what is happening? what is the story that is unfolding when the piece plays out? Only when those things are clear to me, I know exactly how I want to play it (with a mix of technical trial and error process) and it makes the performance more dramatic and emotional, and yet there aren't really any of my emotions behind it. Quite often I get cold and emotionless, which I doesn't bother me that much but when I think about people saying that art is supposed to be reflection of you and your feelings, I start to feel somewhat insecure. I know that what other people say doesn't really matter but it makes me feel like an impostor or like I made a mistake about my hobbies and should have chosen something more "fitting" for my personality type. Do you think it might be a difference between expression of Fi and Fe (albeit, mine is inferior) in art?

Thank you for your blog! I hope this submission doesn't seem like a complete nonsense :) 

I think how and why you create art should fit who you are, and that you will find people who love what you create regardless of whether it's an "extension of your feelings" or not. I LOVE Terry Pratchett's excellent, funny, thought-provoking novels, and it's never about him or his feelings -- it's all about his thoughts, and satire, and making fun of things that are absurd, and coming up with awesome characters like a god stuck in the body of a turtle who can only talk to a monk whose IQ is barely above single digits. There's a market for IFP books, and a market for EFJ books, and a market for ETP books, and a market for ITJ books, and a market for INTP books. Art is subjective and personal and no one should be able to make you feel bad for 'doing it wrong' just because you don't do it THEIR WAY. I think the way you create music and art is cool, and you shouldn't worry about what other people think about it. Some people are going to want emotions bleeding off the pages, but a lot won't. Not everyone likes gushy emotions, and not everyone's art needs to be 'about me' -- sometimes it's about this character, or that idea, or that thing that upsets me, and sometimes it's just cuz someone sat down and wrote the first thing that popped into their head.

[thebasementgirl]

Okay, I'm not a Taylor Swift fan but I have nothing against her either. Jake is one of my favorite actors, I admire him as an actor and as a person, so here are my thoughts:

I haven't seen the short film because I think their relationship is none of my business. But I would really like to understand why people are painting Jake as a monster for dating a girl younger than him when she was no longer a teenager who was banned from dating a 29-year-old. She was already 20.

Yes, I do agree that age difference is, in one way or another, a problem in a relationship. But it's not like he committed a heinous crime. Also because there are relationships with age differences that work very well, even having to deal with the problems of this difference. And there are relationships like that that don't work. And it's okay. As long as people are legally allowed to date.

By the way, it's just my feeling or have you all forgotten that she also dated Tom Hiddleston, who is the same age as Jake? And yet I don't see anyone crucifying him for that. After all, just like with Jake, she was already an adult.

I always thought the main reason this relationship didn't work out was because of the external context. Lack of time, distance, media pressure. Jake is someone who values privacy and his relationship with Taylor made the media annoy them all the time. This probably contributed to their disconnecting.

From what I hear people talking about the short film, the problem wasn't just the context and the age difference, it was also the difference in maturity, which made them constantly conflict and the fact that the two of them weren't on the same vibe. In my view, the intensity of one did not match the intensity of the other.

I still don't know the real reason why Jake didn't go to her birthday party, but I don't think he did it on purpose, just like I think Taylor shouldn't pretend it didn't upseted her. As she lets us understand, he preferred to be rude in the name of honesty than sustain something he no longer wanted to keep. In fact, they were together for only three months and in that short time they had several problems. Anyone in their place would think it's better to end this.

Thinking about it that way, I feel like this movie takes common situations from a relationship that didn't work out and hyper-dramatizes it to make him necessarily the culprit of everything. Like for example the scene where he doesn't want to hold her hand, which maybe represents when they were disconnecting, but putting her as the victim and he as the villain.

In my view this was an age difference relationship that didn't work out because it wasn't meant to be. Yes, he is currently dating a girl who is also much younger than him, but if they've been together for three years, they've possibly found a way to make this work, bc it's not just a matter of age. The problems and the breakup hurt Taylor a lot, so it makes sense that despite the good times, she remembers the whole experience as being mostly bad.

However, as Taylor herself said, this is her version. And I think people should be careful to don't take this short film as the absolute truth because everything is shown in her vision. Even the tiniest details are posed as being extremely relevant and toxic to the relationship and villainizing him. I really hope Taylor has gotten over that breakup and that her attitude in releasing the extended version of the song, along with the short film, is just a way to satisfy the desire of fans who wanted to hear the entire song and know details about her version of that story. But I also hope people understand that her opinion of him doesn't determine who he is or who he remains even after 10 years.

I don't think Jake is a bad person, I don't think Taylor is a bad person, they just had a bad experience that somehow must have taught them to don't make the same mistakes in their future relationships. But it's obvious that the most fanatical fan will want to throw hate at him.

I'm not invalidating her version, I'm just being realistic enough to admit that we're not dealing with the absolute truth, so throwing hate at him is just an attempt to feel pleasure over the pain of other one.

Everyone is free to choose what to believe in, but not everyone is smart enough to understand that throwing hate at him (or her) isn't going to improve anything.

And before I forget: In no version of any universe would Dylan be better in Brokeback Mountain than Jake was.

[amive2567]

Characters: Tamaki Amjiki x GNReader; Izuku Midoryia x FemReader; Shouto Todoroki x GNReader; Hitoshi Shinsou x GNReader; Katsuki Bakugou x GNReader

Warnings: mention of period, pranks, fluff, swearing, OOC characters (maybe?), suggestive themes in Bakugous part,

Summary: As a famous Herowatcher(Youtuber), you wanted to film a video about how your boyfriend's reaction to your prank.

Words: Tamaki:366 Izuku:532 Shouto:590 Hitoshi:416 Katsuki:528

In the last few weeks, you saw a lot of videos about partners pranking each other. There were different pranks they did, and you decided to pull the fainting prank on your boyfriend.

You both planned to train outside today. To record your prank, you set up a camera in a bush so that Tamaki wouldn't notice it. You felt a bit guilty about that what you were going to do. But still, you wanted to execute your plan. The sun was pretty warm, which gave you the perfect conditions to do this. You were doing jumping jacks but suddenly stopped.

Your prank is starting now. "Are you ok?" asked Tamaki, who noticed your behavior change. You nodded but stumbled to your water bottle. Before you could reach it, you "passed out". "Sunshine?" he froze in his tracks and was paralyzed as you tried not to react to his anxious cry for you. He kneeled beside you. His thumb caressed your cheek, and you felt that his hand was shaking. "Are you ok? Oh, I had to watch out better. If I only had reacted immediately, I am so sorry." his voice was breaking. He took your legs and held them high. He tried to stabilize your circulation. "Please wake up," mumbled Tamaki anxiously.

Now you decided to clear things off. "Darling, it's a prank," you said. "What? Why would you do that?" he asked, confused. "I saw it on the internet and wanted to try it, but I didn't want to scare you." You sat up and hugged him tightly.

After a couple of minutes, you broke away from him. "See, there is the camera." You pointed to the bush. Embarrassed, he hid his face in the crook of your neck.

After the two of you finished the actual training, you edited the video and posted it on Herowatch. In the next few days, the video had a couple of thousands of likes, views, and comments:

SuneaterfanNo.1: God, he was so worried about them. I wish I had such a boyfriend.

User219: I am feeling like a single pringle right now. :(

FanfictionAdict: Because of your videos, my expectations of getting a partner are way too high.

Precisely you tried to adjust the camera on a shelf between a bunch of All Might figures. You hoped he wouldn't notice the camera you put there. Izuku was still working, but he had to be home soon. That was the perfect moment to prepare your prank. You switched patiently between the different apps on your phone until a message popped up.

I am only changing and showering at the agency. After that, I will come home.

Alright, see you soon, love. Oh, could you please bring some chocolate on your way home?

Sure, see you, honey.

See you too.

You laid your phone on the nightstand, patiently waiting for your husband to come home. You feel bad pranking Izuku after his stressful day, saving the lives of probably many children and adults, but special situations needed special measures. It was probably totally worth it to see his reaction to your "horrible cramps". He was such a sweetheart. It would probably give him a heart attack. Well, now, with this thought, you felt a bit worse.

After some time passed, the door opened, and your boyfriend entered your decent flat. Now was your time to show the world that you didn't suck at acting. "I am home." shouted the green-haired pro hero through your flat. "In the living room." You tried to sound like you would be in pain.

Apparently, it was convincing in less than a second Izuku was next to you. "What happened? Where does it hurt?" Sometimes he was too observant for his own good. "My stomach hurts so much." "Oh, can you think of a reason? Did you eat something bad? I will get you a hot water bottle." He rushed to the open kitchen to prepare the hot-water bottle. "I am probably getting my period." You grabbed a pillow and hugged it tightly. "Ahhh." you groaned extra dramatically. "Do you want to take some painkillers?" "Yes, please." He took the hot water bottle out of the microwave. With quick steps, he got back to your side. Gently, he took away the pillow and replaced it with the water bottle. "I get you the painkillers." With those words, he rushed to the bathroom.

"We don't have any painkillers." Shouted Izuku apologetically. "That's fine." "I can buy you some. You shouldn't have to be in pain, honey." He came back to you. "There is no need to." A mischievous smile spread across your face. "How can you smile when you're in pain?" "Because I am not." If you got asked who best embodied a question mark, it would be your husband. "What?" "It was a prank." you laughed. "See, there is the camera." You pointed toward the pile of All Might figures. His shoulders lost the tension, and he hugged you tightly. "I am glad you are alright."

On the same evening, you edited the video and uploaded it on Herowatch. Since you were the wife of the number one hero of Japan, the video went viral.

ASinglePerson: The poor man was so worried. He is such a cutie.

Deku'sgreatestfan: Ahhh, Deku is so great. I love him.

SomeoneYouWillNeverMeet: We need more Y/N x Deku videos. You guys are so cute.

Balancing on a ladder, you tried to mount the camera on the high bookshelf. You hoped Shouto wouldn't notice the camera you put on there. Since he was still working, you could prepare perfectly for your prank, or rather reaction video. The number of times you had already pranked him wasn't high, but every seldom time it was funny to see his reaction.

While waiting for Shouto to come home, you filmed your intro and arranged your new sleeping place on the couch. You waited patiently for him, and when the key in the door turned, you knew it was time to pull out your acting skills. Habitually you would greet him with a hug and a kiss, but today everything had to be like you planned it. "I am home." You needed to pull yourself together that you didn't answer. The silent treatment was the best thing you could think of at the moment. If you started to talk, you would probably tell him the truth. "Y/N?" asked the heterochromatic man again. You heard his tranquil steps coming closer to the living room.

As he entered the room, his eyes immediately locked with yours. His eyes were filled with confusion, seeing you on the couch covered in your blanket that you usually use to sleep. "Are you ok?" You nodded. Now it was getting serious. "Everything is fine. I merely want to sleep on the couch today." "Why?" "I think you can answer that yourself." The poor man had no clue what you were talking about. He knew he did the laundry, helped you with your documents at the agency, and made your food. What had he forgotten?

You pulled the blanket over your body to signal to him that this conversation is over. Without a word, he took out a book from the shelf, and you worried that he saw the camera. He sat down in the armchair next to the couch. The only sound you could hear was the flipping of the pages. At that moment, you loved him even more. He respected your privacy and decisions more than every other person in your life ever did. "I am going to sleep now, have a blessed night." He put a bookmark in the book and put it back on the shelf. You felt strange not to go with him to bed.

As he said, he went to bed, and the flat the two of you lived in was unusually quiet. It was strange laying alone in the dark. You were so used to his presence that you couldn't sleep. Now you regretted not clearing the prank. A ruffling sound in the darkness caught your attention. "Shouto?" you asked into the dark. "Y/N, I am so sorry. Whatever I did, I did it unintentionally. I never wanted to hurt your feelings. I can't sleep without you. Can I sleep next to you?" Quietly Shouto came closer to your unusual sleeping place. "Of course you can. I am so sorry. It was just a prank." You swung the covers aside and ran into his arms. Gladly, the moon lit up the living room so didn't walk into the furniture. "Let us go to bed," you suggested.

The next day, you edited the video and uploaded it. Since you were the lover of the number two hero in Japan, your video blew up.

randomperson: Where can you get a bf like this?

NoName: He is such a sweetheart. I wish I had such a boyfriend.

SingleLikeAPringle: I feel so single with your videos.

It was finally your day off of hero work, so you decided to drag Shinsou to a cat café. That was one of your two intentions. Your second intention was to prank him a bit. Your Foryoupage on TikTok particularly exploded with "What would you do if I go back to my ex." - Pranks. Since you developed a big community on Herowatch, you wanted to make a short video about it too.

Secretly you recorded the two of you entering the cat café. You know how much Hitoshi hated the attention, so you often recorded your videos alone. But not today. Today was the day the whole world can see that Y/N L/N has a boyfriend. Well, not today exactly, because you had to edit the video so that Hitoshi can't be seen properly. Besides, you didn't want him to make him feel uncomfortable. This was just a way to get rid of the creepy people of the internet.

You ordered your drinks, and Hitoshi was already occupied with stroking the first cat. You placed the camera inconspicuously on the floor, so only Hitoshi's legs could be seen. "You know if we broke up, I would go back to my ex." you suddenly said and waited for his reaction. He casually looked up from the cat and nodded. "That's fine. I would also like to go back to my ex." "What..?" you stuttered, trying not to choke on your saliva. A mischievous grin spread across his face. "You heard right. I would go back to my ex." "You're joking." "Maybe. Maybe not." Now he couldn't hold back small laughter.

"Alright, jokes aside. You're practically binge-watching all those "What would you do if I go back to my ex." - Pranks. I know what you were trying to do. We are both aware that we are the exes with whom we get back together." He said calmly. "You retrolled me," you exclaimed loudly. "That's what you get when you mess with me, kitty cat." he winked at you. "Yeah, whatever." you scoffed and petted the cat in your lap.

The next morning, you edited the video, and looking back on yesterday, it was a bit funny.

InternetAdict: He is a smart guy. You are a lucky person.

VoiceKink: His voice is so soothing. Can I get his voice somewhere?

LoveYou: Your videos are so great. We need more of your secret boyfriend. We don't even need to see his face. His voice is enough to make someone go weee.

It was a rare occasion that your boyfriend Katsuki was at home, but today was the day. Because of that, you had to take your chance. Since your boyfriend is the most observant person on this planet. There was no way to hid a camera, so you used your phone instead.

He was currently next to you in the kitchen and cooked dinner for both of you. You often volunteered to help him, but he said your cooking skills were worse than Todorokis, which was something you had never thought. The Bakusquad, and you still believe that he watched too many shows with Gordon Ramsay as a child. He definitely adopted his behavior in the kitchen. Only today, you tried to ignore him, only for the sake of seeing his reaction. You sat on the barstool in front of your kitchen counter and pretended to do something on your cell phone. Even if you were actually only filming. Let the fun begin.

"Oi, babe, pass me the curry." Usually, you would have corrected him about the way he demands things, but now you just ignored him. He turned around and watched you. "Alright, I am getting it myself." You looked so concentrated on your phone that he didn't want to distract you. It went on like this for what felt like hours until Katsuki was done with cooking your food. He put the steaming plate in front of you, then he sat down next to you. You were still on your phone, so Katsuki snatched it out of your hands. "Hey." You exclaimed and immediately covered your mouth with your hands. Great, now the prank was ruined. "Why are you covering your mouth like that. Are you finally gonna talk to me now?" Still, you wanted to last a bit longer, so you kept quiet. "Fine, then not."

The two of you ate in silence till Katsuki had enough. "Alright, dumbass, what's wrong? You usually never shut up, and now your all quiet and stuff. Did somebody hurt you? I'll beat their ass. They're gonna die." he growled. You had to suppress a chuckle. Sometimes he could be so caring. Well, at least in his own individual way. "Then don't talk to me. I didn't want to know it anyway." Now you couldn't stand it any longer. "Why are you laughing, dumbass?" he asked bewildered. "I was just kidding. Everything is fine. Never thought you'd care so much about me." "Yeah, I care about your stupid ass. Now I want an apology. A good one with physical effort, if you know what I mean." He winked, and you got it. The video you wanted to film was long forgotten as you dragged him closer to the bedroom.

In the evening, you found your phone on the counter. Immediately you started to edit this whole thing. You finished late at night and finally got to upload the video on Herowatch.

Tsunderefan123: He is such a tsundere, but a lovely one.

SingleMom: Every time I watch your videos where he is involved, I feel so single.

Adviceseeker: Tell me a secret, how can you get a guy like him?