#where students choose a source of personal or social anxiety for them

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok well i have a salivary gland infection but it’s probably not mumps unless I start feeling a lot sicker today or don’t respond to the antibiotics. I think I’ll stay home today (I don’t feel GREAT) but will make an effort to do the workshop in person tomorrow afternoon. I moved a bunch of stuff off today’s schedule so I can nap and tend to my weird little throat lump. oh also the mountains got a ton of snow in the last couple days and I drove down to the water to look at them and weep at their beauty. guess life is worth living or whatever. today I am choosing to believe my baby is alive.

[oubaitoripsychotherapy]

Therapy for Coping Skills in California

Coping skills are essential tools that help individuals manage stress, anxiety, and life's challenges. In California, where the pace of life can be fast and demanding, effective coping mechanisms are increasingly important for maintaining mental health and well-being. Therapy For Coping Skills California offers a structured approach to developing these essential tools, enabling individuals to navigate their emotions and reactions more effectively.

Understanding Coping Skills

Coping skills are strategies used to manage difficult emotions and stressors. They can be categorized into two types: problem-focused and emotion-focused. Problem-focused coping involves addressing the source of stress directly, while emotion-focused coping aims to alleviate emotional distress. Both approaches can be beneficial, depending on the situation and the individual’s needs.

Therapy for coping skills focuses on teaching individuals how to identify their stressors, understand their emotional responses, and develop effective coping strategies. This therapeutic approach empowers individuals to take control of their emotional health and cultivate resilience in the face of challenges.

The Importance of Therapy

Therapy provides a safe, supportive environment for individuals to explore their feelings and experiences. In California, numerous therapists specialize in coping skills training, using various modalities such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and mindfulness-based approaches.

CBT is particularly effective for teaching coping skills, as it helps individuals identify and reframe negative thought patterns that contribute to stress and anxiety. DBT focuses on enhancing emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness, making it especially beneficial for those dealing with intense emotions. Mindfulness-based therapy encourages individuals to stay present and develop awareness of their thoughts and feelings, fostering a sense of calm amidst chaos.

Finding the Right Therapist

Choosing the right therapist is crucial for successful coping skills training. In California, individuals have access to a wide range of mental health professionals, including licensed clinical social workers, psychologists, and licensed marriage and family therapists. When searching for a therapist, consider their credentials, areas of expertise, and therapeutic approach. Many therapists offer free consultations, allowing potential clients to determine if they feel comfortable and supported.

It’s also important to consider logistics, such as location, availability, and whether the therapist accepts insurance. Some therapists provide online sessions, making it easier for individuals to access therapy from the comfort of their homes.

Benefits of Coping Skills Therapy

Engaging in Therapy For College Students California to numerous benefits:

Improved Emotional Regulation: Therapy helps individuals recognize their emotions and develop healthier ways to cope with them, reducing instances of emotional outbursts or withdrawal.

Enhanced Problem-Solving Skills: By learning to address stressors head-on, individuals become more adept at finding solutions to challenges in their personal and professional lives.

Greater Resilience: As individuals practice and refine their coping skills, they develop greater resilience, enabling them to bounce back from setbacks more effectively.

Increased Self-Awareness: Therapy fosters a deeper understanding of one’s emotions and behaviors, promoting self-discovery and personal growth.

Stronger Relationships: Improved coping skills can lead to better communication and healthier interactions with friends, family, and colleagues.

[harfanfare]

Pomegranate Rule || Idia Shroud x Reader

Obligatory pair work with someone you like very much on a school project and have a chance to fall for each other more? - cliché.

The difference with Idia was that he kidnapped his project partner.

Idia leaned out from behind the column, whispering words of encouragement and summoning up the plan of this meeting he compiled at yesterday’s evening. He practised this conversation all night in front of the mirror, but as soon as he gained confidence, he forgot the text and desperately searched for the next line in the script.

There was a faint blush on his pale cheeks. Not from the sun, not from the fatigue, but nervousness. He hadn't left his room for someone in a long time, and what he was about to do required from him new social skills...

…to ask you to be his project partner, that’s it.

Ortho stood right next to Idia, leaning out from behind his older brother's silhouette and shifting his gaze once at the courtyard, once at him.

Idia cuffed his fingers on the sleeves of the sweatshirt.

Ortho's presence helped him a lot to keep on the promise he made to himself: today he will actually talk to you not on the phone, but face-to-face and suggest that you could do Sir Crewel’s project together.

He knew that you didn’t have a pair, since Grim went off where he could bug Adeuce combo, and even if he didn’t, you two would be counted as one student. But, to at least make some progress, you were picking up leaves you suspected to be just right for the experiment.

With each bush, you were getting closer and closer to the column behind which Idia was hiding, and he knew that if he won’t hurry with his proposal, someone will enter the square, dispatch the last pieces of Idia's courage and disperse you, and take you away.

For example someone like Epel and Jack, who have just entered the courtyard using the entrance on the opposite side.

This coincidence seemed to Idia to be as unfortunate as if all the forces of the world wanted to stop him from what he was planning and yet to validate his theory that it was not worth ever leave his room. On the other hand, since he was already here, and it took him a good few dozen attempts to motivate himself, he could not lose this unstarted game.

Idia, in an act of desperation, rushed towards you, hoping that the first-graders would not notice you.

You both keel over into the bushes as Jack and Epel headed towards you.

"Jack Howl, Epel Felmier!" Ortho greeted them, distracting all possible attention from the bushes that had just been approached by two people, both unaware of what was going on. "How is your project going? What topic did you choose?”

"Ortho-kun! What are you doing here?” Epel replied, coming closer to the young Shroud.

As Ortho distracted them with a conversation, Idia had an intimidating thought: what would happen if they saw your two in the bushes? He was madly blushing at the scenarios that created in his head. He put his hand on your lips—he was afraid that you would say anything that would attract unwanted attention—he slipped with you through the empty corridors to the dorm of Ignihyde.

…He forgot to explain what he was doing, and it likely looked like him committing a crime, but nothing will happen if he explains everything in his room, right...?

You were able to ask Idia what was he doing, once he closed the doors. Till then, on every question you asked he hissed “Sheesh! Do you want us to be found?!” and “P-please! Let us get to headquarters where I will… explain the mission…”.

Soon enough, you found yourself in his room; electronics was the main source of light, and the screens glowed bright blue around them. Although you didn't see any exposed windows or lamps lit to illuminate the room, everything was clearly visible.

There was a mess there, a mixture of the cardboard disorder that prevails after moving a house and the chaos of a man whose constantly working on something, desk always cluttered with papers, pens and documents.

You were sure you would stand on some lost Lego block or pin if you put your foot behind the bed where Idia has set you down.

“So, Idia,” you started. “…What exactly I am doing in your room?”

"Uh, well...” he stuttered, trying to remember the speech from yesterday's practices. “I wish I would know what you're doing here... I mean- I know why I brought you here. I wanted to ask you something. Ask, yes.”

"Ask? About what?” you didn't mention that you can ask outside of your own room, and you wasn’t going to correct that.

Idia tried to explain the whole situation. He skipped the preparation process, his speeches and ideas, he didn’t even mention the project, so all he said was hard-to-understand, abstract justification from the current situation.

He said, at least, that he came up with the idea to take you somewhere further away, where there were no people, as first-grades entered the courtyard.

“So I'm here by accident?" you asked after listening to Idia, slightly cocking your head at the side. “I don't understand…”

“It was an accident. A bit,” he wanted to loudly groan at his helplessness but finally bit his tongue. “I didn't want you here. I mean, I wanted to, but I didn't plan on it. I mean- Aah, it’s so hard to explain!”

You waited in silence, only nodding, letting him take his time.

"Sorry, I just... I feel weird talking to you...” Idia admitted, lowering his head.

The definition of Idia’s "weirdness" was different from yours.

When you heard that he was calling you strange, you felt a pang in your heart. Really? After so many months of acquaintance and quite frequent texting on the phone, when finally there was one of those few moments when you could talk face-to-face, he says it's awkward?

The "weirdness" of that feeling in Idia was something he could not explain easily: the joy of talking to you, anxiety that he would say something wrong, an uncertainty that you would change your mind and stop talking to him, excitement because he knew how interesting person you are and the frustration for every accurate, teasing comment…

"Oh, I see," you tried not to sound depressing. "So let me leave.”

"No, wait, that's not what I meant..!”

Oh, no. Idia’ plan went downhill again.

Idia jumped to a drawer and started looking for something in it, digging through notebooks, cables and lost items.

“...Don't worry, Idia, we can end this conversation on the phone... or something.”

“No, no, no, wait, please!” discreetly took out a round metal box before he dashed to you, blocking the only way out, heavy equipment surrounding you that now seemed to be an impassable wall.

"Uh?"

He took the hard candy from the container he took from the shelf, though he did it so subtly, forcing himself to stare at you and keep your gaze from tearing away from him, so you couldn’t notice candy in his hand.

They were pomegranate drops that had been presented to him as a funny joke from a student who knew that a box, just like its contents, was enchanted by Vil's unique magic: whoever tasted them will not be able to move more than twenty meters from the place the fruit drop was eaten.

Haha, because you know, the members of Ignihyde don't go outside and won't even notice they were cursed.

Idia was sure that even Vil did not know that the candies had fallen into his hands.

"Huh? What are you-“

As soon as you opened your mouth, Idia pressed fruit drop up to your lips and covered them with his hand, in case you tried to spit it out. His movements became very mechanical and heavy, probably most of his muscles were strained. Because of that, you also couldn't push him away.

He only stepped out of your way you once swallowed the candy.

And so you were bound by a spell that you discovered the moment Idia let you towards the door. You stopped more than a meter from them, unable to even grasp the doorknob.

You swung your hand a few times as if not believing that none of your movements was moving you forward.

“Idia. I know we should talk, but by cutting me off from the door?”

Surprise with this solution, Idia's embarrassed smile, dripping sweat from the stress he felt, and a sudden dose of delicious sugar made you burst into laughter.

“This. Is. Great.” You accented each word, becoming more and more amused with each one as if you had just heard the best joke of the era. “Is it the fault of those drops?”

Idia, surprised by your reaction, finally relaxed. Your sudden, inexplicable outburst, hearty laugh calmed him down a lot. He even came to the conclusion that he really likes the way you laugh.

Ortho soon entered the room. You two shortened the story and explained that you probably have to stay here for the night.

"Oh, so nii-san finally asked you to do a project with him?"

“Project...?” you repeated. Then you turned your head to Idia and smirked at him. “So that was what it was for?”

He answered you with a shrug as if last day Idia didn’t have any thoughts screaming “Project!” and that followed by “[Name]!”.

However, Ortho said it for him.

Idia, of course, tried to stop him, but Ortho knew how much time his brother spent just planning to talk to you. A wave of shame flooded Idia as you listened to Ortho's words with interest. And maybe with a pinch of delight spilling over your heart—Idia did so much for you! You could feel the flush on your face and a smile spread across your lips every time you heard about Idia's efforts.

Soon after, after the excitement of this conversation had died down and you thanked Idia for his planning efforts, a package of cookies and biscuits was opened. You couldn't go to the cafeteria to eat anything, and even ordinary snacks from school vending machines taste better in pleasant company, right?

“We haven't had many opportunities to talk like that, have we?"

You took a sip of the warm tea Idia had made—it was incredibly bitter but chilled enough not to burn your tongue—and watched the screen where Idia was working.

He pushed himself away from writing some codes with some slowness, but he didn't look at you.

“You're right...”

After a pause, he started speaking again, this time in a whisper, but you heard him very clearly.

"I've always admired you, [Name]-shi..." he said, pressing his knees against his chest. “Talking to so many different people and solving their problems... I often find it tedious and self-righteous to interfere in the affairs of others, however…. Everything you do always ends well. I-I couldn't do that.”

“I should be saying it!” You said after a moment of silence as if you were processing words you completely didn't suspect him of. “You deal with electronics like a professional. Wait, you are the professional! How many programming languages have you already mastered? How many devices have you already created? You have a wonderful talent and... even your brother little is proof of it.”

You both looked at Ortho connected to specialized equipment. "CHARGING" was displayed on the screen, and by minutes the numbers were close to 100%.

Idia didn't smile at your words—instead he seemed incredibly focused. With each passing second, he had a more and more sincere expression of pleasant frustration, which was also reflected in his long hair behind which he tried to hide his face.

He couldn't even answer and just nodded.

"And... I have to confess to something," you began after another minute of pleasant silence, which you felt sorry to interrupt. "If you previously seemed quite average to me, maybe even a little pale-faced, now I know that you are special."

These words were already his limit. He couldn't take his eyes off you, forgot how to breathe, forgot how to blink, and his lungs refused to cooperate.

His heart crashed for good after your next words.

"So... if you please," you got up and smiled at him. “Idia Shroud, will you do me this honour and become my project partner?”

"The curse already faded.”

You could reach the door and go to the farthest corners of the room. You could leave.

The project has been completed. With the light help of Ortho, who also wanted to contribute to the project, by two in the morning, you finished doing experiments, writing out data, conclusions and completing them with graphic documentation.

And then you played games for the next three hours; each game was digital and very engaging—it wasn't for Ortho, you and Idia wouldn't fall asleep even for a minute. Even when you went to bed—and there was a whole five-minute debate about where you were going to sleep—you talked in whispers about everything and nothing until one of you fell asleep.

Even if the attachment to Vil's magic was gone, you couldn't deny that you became attached to a certain blue-haired boy who followed the last lines of your conclusions with his golden eyes.

It was really fun.

He and Ortho probably would have done this project faster, but the collaboration of the three—you, Ortho and Idia—seemed so pleasant that if he could, he would do it once again. Even if that meant another research about hyper-difficult projects Crewel liked to torture his students with.

"I will come again," you said as suddenly as if you were reading his mind. He flinched at those words, and your tone of voice changed to a more biting tone. “You don't have to kidnap me this time.”

"I d-didn't..." he tried to deny but was stuck on the next words. “...Really? Will you really come here?”

“Your charm bound me more than candy, I can promise you,” you gave him one last smile before you closed the door behind you and rushed through the corridor with a strange, blissful feeling, looking forward to your next project.

So did he.

[sevendeadlymorons]

Hey I’m that one anon from a while back that sent those long ass paragraphs about Lilith and Simeon, remember me? Anyway I know I’m very late to the party, but some of the boys are either getting to much hate or too much love over here (in my opinion) so I made a pros and cons list for all of them, I’m sorry- (I’m warning you now this will be long but I’ll put it in bullet points so it’s a bit easier to read, just read it whenever your mentally ready lol)

Lucifer (I hate this man.)

Pros

He’d help a lot with getting your life together wether that be finding a job, choosing the right college or other shit like that

He’d make sure your working hard and getting everything done, which is both a blessing and a curse tbh

He would be the one to take the most care of you whenever your ill psychically

Cons

He would probably overwork you

Doesnt have much time to spend on you and doesn’t make a effort to find more time unless your getting really sad about it

Probably wouldn’t be the best of help through issues with mental illness (he just doesn’t strike me as that type, feel free to disagree)

His pride would cause some serious problems in relationships :/

Mammon (I love this man.)

Pros

He’s the “if your sad, I’m sad” kind of guy so he does whatever he can to put a smile on your face

Makes his affection towards you known once he’s comfortable enough, mostly through things like hugs and head pats tho

He shows off anything you make, and I mean anything (you gave him a drawing? After showing it to everyone he puts it on the fridge. You wrote something? He reads it to everyone then puts it in his notebook to reread later, I think you get where I’m going with this)

Cons

There would probably be some communication issues due to his tsundere nature and habit of ignoring you when he’s mad

He’d get super mad at you when your trying to help him financially, maybe it’s a ego thing or maybe he’s just tired of hearing it

While his possessiveness is cute at times he’d definitely get way to overbearing if you don’t force him to cool it

Levi (I kin this man.)

Pros

He’d try to set up designated hangout times (like Friday is movie night, Tuesday is for RPGs etc)

Wanna spend time with him but aren’t very into what he’s into? While it will be harder to bond with him because of this I think if you REALLY wanted to hang with him he’d at least try to meet you in the middle (like if you like sports he’ll offer to play wii sports lol)

Insecurities getting you down again? Well never fear, levi is here! He’d find characters with flaws similar to those you see in yourself to prove that they don’t really matter (and since he struggles with insecurity himself he’d know how you feel and be one of the best at helping you through them)

Cons

Even if he makes an effort to meet you in the middle if you have different interests he’d refuse to get into “normie” stuff

He’ll guilt trip you constantly, even if it’s not on purpose (“Oh your hanging out with Asmo today? I get it, of course you’d wanna hang out with somebody cool and perfect like Asmo and not a gross yucky otaku like me”)

You have to initiate almost everything Hugs? You hug first. Handholding? You reach out to him. Confessions? You seriously thought he’d be the one to confess first??

Satan

Pros

Similar to Lucifer he’d be good at helping you get your life together and putting you on the right track

Unlike Lucifer, he’d actively make time for date nights and/or hangouts multiple times a week wether your going out for dinner or reading in front of the fireplace

While he himself might not be best at helping with comfort in the moment, he’d be great to turn to if you needed a long time treatment (you need a therapist? He’s got the best three in your area that you can afford and he found some helpful things you can do in this book)

Cons

As stated previously, he’s not the best with comfort, which can be an issue if you need a friend/partner who can be your biggest source of comfort (I’m not saying he’ll do nothing, it’ll just be kinda awkward ig)

If you vent to him about something he’ll always offer advice and while that can be good, sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you and getting advice can be annoying in the moment

I feel like hanging out with him you’d rarely ever get to talk about pointless things, everything would be serious you know? And while serious and deep conversations are good for bonding, some people (myself included) need to be able to talk about dumb things without having it turn philosophical

Asmo

Pros

He’s the best at boosting your confidence, there’s no competition

He’s more into spontaneous outings (he suddenly got the urge to go shopping, your coming with right?)

You can talk about just about anything with him, no judgment and he’ll never speak a word of it to anyone else if you don’t want him to (although he may brag to his brothers that you told him your secrets)

High emotional IQ

Cons

He has set things of things he’s interested in and his idea of trying the things your into is doing whatever it is for about 5 seconds then deciding it’s not for him

He cares a lot about looks, I don’t mean he’ll hate you or insult you cause he thinks your ugly, I mean he’ll constantly try to do your makeup, hair, and nails and he’ll always say things like “Your hair is a bit messy today, did you brush it? Yes? Well not good enough, let me do it” and “your wearing that out? There’s nothing wrong with it, I just think you’d look a lot cuter in this” and if your anything like me, that’ll get on your nerves a lot

While he’s great with emotional issues, if it’s a problem with anything like school or your job he’ll have no solution to offer, all you’ll get is a “You can do it!” and a good luck kiss

Narcissistic, need I say more?

Beel

Pros

He’s the best person to vent to, no judgment and tons of hugs and comfort food

He’s a mom friend, no explanation needed

Very supportive and always concerned for your health

Your in trouble? Call beel, he’ll help you and make sure your home safe before questioning you and will only lecture you out of love (unlike a certain older brother that will lecture you because “Your tarnishing Diavlo’s reputation by acting out like this. Your an exchange student, you must abide by the rules and behave yourself.”)

Cons

Food is his answer to everything (Sad?Food. Injured? Food. School’s stressful? Food plus a little help studying) and while food can be good for comfort, sometimes you need him to provide more than a snack

He’s the opposite of Satan in the sense that he’ll almost never offer advice when you rant to him, he just assumes getting it all out is help enough and won’t offer much more then a hug and food

Not getting along with one of his brothers? “They can be a handful, but they’re great people once you learn to handle the chaos” yeah he rarely thinks what his brothers did is a big deal so he gives you advice on how to apologize and get past it and he’ll give you food

Belphie (he really does attract the mentally ill people huh-)

Cons

I feel like he’d be good for certain people with social anxiety and people who have issues with always being scared about being a bad person (“you think your a bad person and are becoming more and more toxic by the day? Well your a better person than Lucifer that’s for sure, wether or not your toxic were going to cuddle now get in bed” or “your worried everyone is constantly staring and judging you for everything you do? Well I don’t really care about what your wearing or the way you walk so I doubt they do either, can we go home now?” ((Side note, I experience both of these issues and his uncaring personality would calm me, which is why I think this one of his pros))

He just wouldn’t care about whatever type of life style you lead and as someone who’s constantly scared of being judged for their lifestyle this would be amazing (“you sleep all the time? Same let’s nap together” “You don’t eat very healthy? Whatever, it’s fine, can we sleep now?” ((although it is a double edged sword))

He gets a burst of energy and just does the most random things (you see that tree? He’s already climbed half way up it. That petting zoo? He’s already feeding the lambs. That store? He’s already spent 30 grim)

Cons

Just like his twin he thinks every problem has one solution, but instead of food he thinks the solution is sleep (your sick? Sleep is the best medicine. A lot of homework? If you sleep you don’t have to think about it.)

At some point he just doesn’t care enough, if you come to him with a serious issue he’ll half listen to you rant then pull you down to sleep

He teases you a lot, which is fine teasing is fun, but he takes it too far. Maybe he touched on something your insecure about or he was too merciless, whatever it was, he won’t apologize for it, he just thinks your being sensitive. If he brought up some bad memories he’ll consider it, but his way of apologizing is cuddling

He doesn’t wanna do something? You guys aren’t gonna do it. You don’t wanna do something? Too bad, he wants to so your gonna.

I’m sorry this is so long- I tried to shorten it I swear- but anyway if you disagree I’m with anything, I wanna hear what you think

And even tho Beel doesn’t get much screen time and more serious moments, I think his character is way more then hunger

Random but I wanna add that other then Levi I kin Tamaki from mha and Ranpo from bsd

Dude do you just like torturing poor college students? This is so much to read, I’m about to cry 😭

I agree with the Lucifer part actually! Tho I do kinda thing he’s be good emotion support in some ways, for me, anyway. I feel like he may lack empathy that is needed in a stable relationship. Yes, he may be able to tell you with shit and honestly, he’d book my doctors appointments when I’m too anxious too so yknow. But yeah

Also agree with mammon. He’s a jackass when he wants to be, and I know he may not mean it, but his words are still hurtful in a lot of ways and he just can’t convey those emotions that’re needed in a loving relationship. But he’s so sweet and will show you off so it’s all good~

As much as I love Levi, I agree. He manipulates and guilt trips you throughout the entire game. It can’t be healthy in relationships but that don’t stop me from loving that sweet otaku boy 😔🖤

I agree with Satan too. I don’t have much to say but he’s avatar of wrath for a reason, for a start, and he honestly looks like he’d prefer talking about books than that funny thing that happened in class that made you laugh earlier

Agreed with Asmo too. Sometimes he may just get overbearing and the narcissism and the constant need to make you look better and improve you may get irritating

I agree with Beel. I don’t think he can comprehend that food isn’t an answer to everything and as a person who doesn’t cope with food and relatively hates it, he won’t be any help to me emotionally. He’s so sweet but he just won’t give you that proper support

I love Belphie so so much but I absolutely agree. He’s one of the most unbothered brothers who won’t care what you look like, yes, but that also means compliments may come rarely and like his twin, “sleep is the answer to everything” I can admit I like to sleep but I have a manic side that comes with insomnia and if he’s dragging me down and not letting me move and I just cannot sleep, I’m gonna get irritated and pissed off.

This got a bit long on my end too. I just really liked how you worded this and it was fun to see pros and cons of the ‘perfect’ brothers

I think Beel is more than food too, but I just don’t particularly like him either way cuz I’m not really a foodie so I can’t relate with him lmao

[el-therodactylus]

Howdy stranger! 1, 15, 27, 40, 41, 45, 54 (the answer is no but answer if u want anyways lol), 64, 82, and 97. You don't have to answer all of them ofc, just pick favorites I guess.

Oooh thank you so much for the ask, you picked the hard ones, that's so cool ! Sorry for my english, it's not my native language, but i'm tryin' !

1. Are you bothered by your cosmic insignificance ?

It tortured me for a while, I felt totally overwhelmed by it, but growing up I got used to it, and I realized that it’s not so unpleasant, to have no influence, no impact on something so immense. It’s actually quite reassuring ! And it’s good to know that with or without us, some things will not change.

We are all insignificant on one scale, all important on another ...

15. Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both?

I like to think I’m special to the things and the people for who that matters. I’m special for my parents, for my plants, a little bit for me too I guess. But on a larger scale, I’m not that much ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It doesn't really matter, i've always feel better that way.

I guess we all can be both, once again, it’s just a question of scale. You can easily be special in your family, your friends circle, and being no one at a larger scale.

27. Are you afraid of growing old?

Yes, and No, and Yes again.

Yes, because, I’m not really in a stable situation, I’m just a student, who has no idea what to do with his life. Every day that passes is a day when I do not understand better what I will become ... It scares me.

No, because, this situation can only change if I grow old, and one day I will have a job, a home, a stable and reassuring context to live in.

And .. Yes again, because .. I am reassuring myself by thinking that things will be easier later, but ... I’ve been telling myself that for 23 years and life spends its time proving the opposite !

40. What makes a person ‘good’? Are you a ‘good person’?

Oh god, that's one is so hard. Can I still say it’s a question of scale ?

I think that no one is really good in the eyes of everyone. Being good at the eyes of certain person implied that you're not at the eyes of others ..

In my opinion, a good person is just someone who doesn't make others suffer. But it’s very summarized and a bit reductive ... I mean, you can act like a good person, and think like a dork (i don't know that much insults in english, I'm not even sure that it's one, hope it's not offensive, i really don't know xD) ; but does that matters if you keep your thought for you ? Sounds like the Paradox of tolerance…

And, on a certain way, that's just the definition of “Not being bad”, not really of “being good” …

I personally don't think I'm a good person, I’m white, european, I was raised with bias, that sort of thing. I’m kinda misanthrope btw, and if i’m truly doing my best to not being bad, I cannot consider that i’m good.

41. What fundamentally matters do you?

I’m not sure I’m understanding this one… It seems to be kinda vague or is it just me ?

Wow, I’m thinking, and I realize I don’t care about a lot of things.

I guess we're supposed to answer something like "My family" or "My friends" ?

If it's this kind of question, I’ll look like a monster, but like ... My stuff ? I give a lot of importance to some of my possessions, even insignificant ones, because all these things have, at least, a small symbolic in my eyes. Humans are cool, but that train ticket which brings back some memories, isn't it even cooler ?

If the question is more about the things we need to be happy like "Money", "Time to do what I love", I guess my answer is just... some calm ? A peaceful place, a time without too many anxiety sources.

45. Do you want to be remembered after your death? What for?

No, I don’t care at all. Let’s keep room in our minds for the things and the people who really matter, who have done something important.

(If I had to be remembered, I'd hope It would be for something truly dumb, "Darwin awards style" : "The guy that died muffled under 2548 plushies" sounds good.)

54. Can human really understand the complete nature of the universe, space and time?

You've said it : No. I truly wanted to develop but like .. There is nothing more to say, all of that is just too much, and every mystery just hides another one ...

64. How consistent is your perception of time?

Another one I’m not sure I understand, but my perception of time is a freaking chaos. Sometimes, it's just like there is no perception at all. Time is both something completely absurd and too impractical.

82. Are you a deep person?

I hope ! And I like to think that I am. But, isn't that kinda .. narcissist ? And, on another hand, Wouldn’t everyone be a little deep ? Humans are so complex, I only know a few people that are "simple" and they still are complex on a certain way.

By the way, compared to these people, I’m not so deep. In my actions, my way of thinking, I'm someone pretty logical and mathematical. Nothing really complicated. Knowing me, It's easy to guess what I'm thinking of something …

97. Are you overly analytical?

Ahaha. No. Not. At. All. *Ironic laughter* 🐸

I’ve always blamed it on autism, but yes, I’m over analyzing everything.

Sometimes, it's truly practical, being able to analyze a "complex" situation to make a decision is the best way to not make a mistake.

Sometimes, it goes to far. Reading ten times a message, like "Ok, see you tomorrow" because "Oh god there is no smiley, does they hate me ? But there is not punctuation, don't seem like they angry" etc …

And like, choosing what you're going to wear tomorrow is not supposed to take an hour, but you know .. It depends on the weather, on where you'll be, at which hour.. If I have a class in a computer room, it will be hot, but less if it's the morning or if it's north-facing ... And it's that for everything, every social interaction, every tiny decision. That’s not healthy, and I’m tired just talking about it x)

Oh gosh It was something to answer all this! Thanks again for these great questions. I feel like I’ve questioned things (including my ability to express myself in english) and that’s so satisfying. I want to think about all of that even more ! Tysm ♥

(It was missing something, so here is an happy doggo)

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

[is6621]

Listeners On Call - Where Emotional Support Meets Social Media by Jess Danylchuk

There’s no question that at this point, more than 6 months since the start of isolation due to quarantine, we all are totally over this pandemic and the “new normal” it has brought. There are astonishing statistics having to do with the effects this virus has had on all demographics of people throughout our country, but in terms of young people like us college-aged women and men specifically, the most notable details are in regards to the changes in mental health. A new COVID Response Tracking Study poll from the National Opinion Research Center found that the number of Americans reporting psychosomatic symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression largely and steadily decreased with each age bracket (18-24 year old’s being reported as the highest). Negative mental health can really take a toll on all aspects of an individual’s life, and during these unprecedented times, a new social media platform recognized this reality and created a system that they believe can help.

“Everyone has something they need to share. Not everyone has someone to Listen.” This is the statement that first appears when logging onto the homepage of any of the Listeners On Call applications. Listeners On Call is a fairly new platform that strives to promote mental health and well-being by connecting callers to trained listeners in an anonymous and affordable way. The concept of the platform design is not necessarily to provide mental health counseling to users so much as it is to make a connection (virtually) between those who need someone to talk to about something they are going through with a different person who can relate to their situation from that person’s own similar experiences. A Caller has the option to choose from over 20 topics to discuss what they need to connect on, anonymous and judgement-free. When they feel so inclined to use the app (or as Listeners On Call puts it, when a user isn’t sure where to turn), all they have to do is sign in to be virtually connected to a Listener who has been trained on “connected listening” – a concept involving one consciously listening with a quiet mind and without an agenda, offering space for understanding, open mindedness and growth in a digital atmosphere. In terms of the actual people lending their ear on the platform, Listeners On Call offers the role to anyone that has a natural desire to help others facing something similar to what they went through. Listeners through the app are supported by the company’s Listening Academy (their online training program and go-to resource portal).

Listeners On Call has grown to be a pioneer in the consumer listening service industry, launching several different programs aimed to transform the art of empathetic listening into a the ultimate virtual model – and so far these digital connections seem to be proving their worth and success.  Some of these recent programs include Listen for Good (in which Listener and Caller earnings can be donated to an organization of choice) and a partnership with universities across the country to offer their mental health and well-being support at a discounted price to over 140,000 students nation-wide. This partnership specifically can’t help but directly relate to the increased reports of depression and anxiety amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. What better way to help the demographic most in need of mental health support throughout this time than to give them all these listening resources in a social media context, the one context found to be universally familiar to people in this demographic. This social emotional support service attracts users in part because of its digital nature and I believe this component of the service is helping reduce the stigma associated with seeking assistance in vulnerable topics like depression and anxiety.

I personally hadn’t heard of Listeners On Call before this week, but I find it comforting to know that there are businesses taking both the health concerns of COVID and its negative effects on humanity seriously and addressing the situation in a health-safety way through an entirely digital connection experience. While I don’t know for certain if this type of platform fully produces the same feelings of sentiment and gratification as being able to talk to someone in person about a specific topic, I think the motive and underlying mission of Listening On Call is one to be acknowledged and I believe it’d be of beneficial use for people struggling with their mental health who don’t have any official counseling group or therapy community to regularly turn to, considering its ease of use and the technological familiarity of its social media nature.

Sources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/johnscottlewinski/2020/10/28/social-media-and-mental-health-services-meet-for-studentsat-listeners-on-call/#67eaa1552eb9

https://www.listenersoncall.com/about

https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/top-universities-collaborate-with-listeners-on-call-to-address-student-needs-for-accessible-mental-health-support-301146875.html

https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/listeners-on-call-launches-scalable-mental-health-solution-during-unprecedented-times-301092398.html

[endermtheswordsman]

Tidbits and Quirks on Enderm, his Tribe, and Corven!

Enderm: He often has an issue of feeling too powerful due to his spells, age, knowledge, and versatility with his magic, making him often act a little arrogant. And while it is justified in him feeling this amount of power and confidence, it still has left him in several binds where he could have benefited heavily from assistance from others. (He also has an absurd obsession with books and scrolls collecting, so bring him one and he will hug you and thank you and give you just about anything he can as compensation!) Gael: His magic, while vast and powerful, actually creates a bit of an opposite effect to what Enderm’s does to him. Gael will often times call on others to ensure success in an attempt, even if it is something that he could have easily done! Much like when he was teaching Suki, and called upon Enderm to lend a hand where he could have simply explained on his own, due to his own magical knowledge and intelligence feeling lacking in his own opinion, when he is in fact quite intelligent and well versed in the arcane arts. (He adores the hell out of magical artifacts, and loves studying them, but above that, he adores his student/adoptive daughter, Suki. So a gift for her is far more meaningful to him, than anything else, as it eases his own mind of being the only source of Wizardry Teachings in her options list.) Clax: He’s a massive brute and thick and stubborn headed as they come. His simple thought process often gets him labeled as a brute, when he actually is smarter than most would give him credit for. He doesn’t mind however, as he actually prefers people to think him a simpleton, as it amuses him to spring some knowledge on them when they don’t quite expect it. Reading may not be his strong suit, but he has a near photographic memory that helps with repeating things, which helps throw people off. (He also has an absurd love for cute and small animals and things, and has taken quickly to addressing the family he has around him, Suki, Sotsona, Skitters, etc., by a variety of endearing nicknames of the animals or creatures they remind him of. For Yuki for instance, it is “Little Dove”.) Xavier: A quite and simple man, he is not one to talk much, if ever, in the presence of those he doesn’t know. His voice is strong and demanding, but he doesn’t use it much for reasons even he doesn’t know. In reality, he has exceptional social anxiety that makes it nearly impossible to speak up when around anyone other than the select few he chooses. (He often involves himself in making the few people he knows that he talks to, feel as comfortable as possible around him, out of a nervous fear of them leaving, and will often leave them small gifts here and there to encourage conversation. Though he still kinda stinks at it.) Sarabel: She is much like Z’sophia, to a degree, where she was shunned by her original family and found a family of her own with others, though unlike Z’sophia, was fortunate enough to find that family once again among her own kind. She is quiet, but speaks up often and enjoys singing in solitude, though many of the songs she sings are bittersweet, as they remind her of her lost family that threw her out over the mottled skin that depicted her as a bad omen. (She LOVES sweets to a degree that is absurd, and much to her own shame, has openly snatched several from Sotsona when she wasn’t looking. She feels guilty, but damn goes guilt taste sweet as hell sometimes!) Arya: She is a wizened old woman of a Firbolg that adores cooking and it is easily shown by the large cauldron she lifts and carries on her back with such ease during long travels and stays at other places. She is fiercely protective of children, or those she deems as children or her own family, even extending to a rather troublesome and, originally, rude little Hangman’s tree that lives not far from her own current cabin on Sotsona’s farm. She will reprimand you for being stupid, and coddle you with a tasty meal afterwards as she lectures you on self care and being smarter than that! (Despite her love of savory, sweet, and sour dishes that she makes so often. She actually quite likes bitter-sweet foods and snacks, as they always surprise her with their strange combination of the tastes!) Valen: He’s an old leather worker that has seen centuries come and go, but still has a rather cheerful, if realistic, outlook on life. Though his gruff voice would make one think he is always being sarcastic like an old grandpa-type would be. He loves working on metal armors too, as well as leather and any other material he can get his hands on. This has created a love of making personalized armor and tools for those he meets and has fond relationships with, such as with Enderm, in constantly up-keeping his Scale Mail, and making special armor for Clax, as well as the weapons of the 3 main guards of the tribe. (He adores gifts of rare minerals, ores, gems, and monster parts that he can use to make new items, armor, and tools! He’ll often repay the person by using some of the material for a personalized item or armor piece just for them!) Kareem: A sweet young girl with a passion for normal medicine, she follows heavily in Enderm’s footsteps of loving to heal and give life to those that have been harmed or had their own taken too soon. She actually doesn’t like using magic as much as she likes to tend to wounds with her own hands, and won’t use magic unless it needs a speedy or immediate recovery, or if there is no other way she can think of. Though she will use it in the case that Enderm tells her too, as she knows his judgement on situations involving wounds often outshines her own due to his experience with this field. (She loves flowers and fancy medicinal plants, as well as gardening these plants and crops to grow. Though not nearly as well versed as the likes of Sotsona, she aspires to possibly raise a field of flowers, herbs, or crops of her own one day, and to have others stand in awe of the fruits of her hard work! Without magic of course! Cause nothing is better than good old fashioned hard work!) Sereval: Not to be confused with Sarabel due to their similar sounding names, she is a seamstress by trade, and a lovely poem writer as well, though she never has the confidence to let people judge her poems or hear them, unlike she will so readily throw fancy and custom fitted clothes and the like with the hope that they will love her work and keep it. She loves to especially give out clothes to children, and will often spend painstaking days getting all the dimensions right before giving them to the recipient. (New clothes and textiles she hasn’t seen before are an amazing thing to her, as she has rarely gotten the chance to ever truly explore her own craft outside of her own teachings and the teachings of an old book, so providing her with new books or strips of cloth and details on how to make them or weave them into something, will make her day.) Alexyz: He’s a tough and gruff old man with a rather surprisingly mid-range voice that completely contrasts his size and presence. This however makes him more approachable, which brings him joy when interacting with children, or being a silly old man with the ladies that he meets, as he, despite his imposing size, is one that adores having a good time. He loves to sing, much like Sarabel, but unlike her, doesn’t have the voice for it. Though he often will engage in helping Valen in making materials, armor, tools, and the like, he also often gets Valen and Clax to join him for singing sessions on nights that they wish to celebrate, where his voice actually harmonizes between the two of them. (He actually doesn’t have much he doesn’t like, but when it comes to specifics, heartfelt gifts always touch him, and make him teary eyed, even if the gift isn’t something he would normally enjoy, he’ll still treasure it like a very sentimental old man.) And finally!: Corven: He’s a friend of Enderm and the tribe, and is an absolute lover of tea and making business deals. Unlike many in his field, he never uses his bardic talents to lull people into an unfairly worded deal that makes him come out as the ‘winner’ of the deal, and always prefers a solid and fair deal for both parties. He often gets mistaken for a Leprechaun due to his size, choice of dress, and accent, not to mention his red tinged facial hair and hair on his head and eyebrows, but he doesn’t mind correcting them, politely of course. He’s a tad flirtatious with women his own age, but is forever faithful to his wife, and simply sees the flirting as a silly way to enjoy a non-serious conversation. He refuses to judge based upon appearances or bad stigmas against one simply for being born, as he sees it as letting the actions of the dead and gone, to dictate who the future generations could possibly be. (He loves children, but this is because he has two of his own that stay with their mother at home. And will often come to the aid of children that he doesn’t even know, or doesn’t know well, for the sake of protecting children, as he would want anyone else that is a parent or guardian, to do the same for his own children. Otherwise, strike up a bargain with him and he’ll do everything in his power to help and make sure you both walk away happy from the deal!)

[citrineghost]

Can we stop romanticizing caffeine addiction?

I’m not saying people shouldn’t enjoy coffee. By all means. But, can we stop normalizing the reliance on caffeine to get by day to day? Can we stop pressuring other people to use caffeine to get by? I feel like this is something that has slowly become pervasive in, at least, American society.

I have a lot of important stuff to say on this, but I want it to be clear that it’s mostly observation and based on things I’ve heard with no source. I skimmed some articles for this to check if I was off-base, but most of them were about chemical effects, rather than social effects. If you follow me, you know I tend to have a lot of opinions about sociological matters, and that’s what this is. I don’t have a degree. I’m not a chemist or a doctor. Take what you read with a grain of salt. If anyone has further information or sources on these topics, I highly encourage you to reblog and share them, both for my own research and for others’ education.

Before reading, please consider taking this survey I made to further study how people consume caffeine. Every response helps! If I get enough survey responses, I’ll create an addition to this post with a breakdown of the information I’ve gathered.

Analysis under the cut

It’s treated almost like how young people treat alcohol.

You’ll see teenagers and college students who go out drinking every day they don’t have school the next morning, take shots on weekdays, and drink alcohol from water bottles when they’re stressed. As long as they’re not drunk 100% of the time - as long as they aren’t a 40 year old surrounded by empty beer bottles and a stack of divorce papers, they can’t be an alcoholic, right? While a lot of people might grow out of their abuse of alcohol, all of those teens and college students who don’t end up growing into those miserable middle-aged people that they felt so separate from - so superior to - as young adults.

The same way alcohol is treated as a solution to stress, caffeine is treated like a solution to fatigue. Again, I am NOT saying that drinking some coffee when you’re a bit tired is some kind of moral dilemma. What I am saying is that, while it doesn’t have the same effects as alcohol, caffeine is an active substance that affects how your body functions. It increases your heart rate. It makes you feel more alert. It is a stimulant.

To get an idea of how caffeine affects the body and mind, consider for a moment that people with ADHD frequently self medicate with caffeine without realizing that’s what they’re doing. The stimulant effects of caffeine do very similar things to what amphetamines do. For someone with ADHD, this can be helpful in focusing. Ask someone with ADHD if caffeine energizes them and many will tell you that it actually feels calming. I know, as a teen, coffee was a before bed treat for me. That’s because, with ADHD, the brain is understimulated and overcompensating for it. By stimulating it, it stops working overdrive and chills out because it’s getting the stimulation it should be producing by itself.

However, when non-ADHD people drink caffeine, it amps them up. It gives them energy and they become chemically dependent on it - i.e. addicted to it. You can see evidence of caffeine addiction by stopping drinking it. If you drink coffee every single day, try going without it for a week. You’ll probably start getting aching, throbbing headaches.

Don’t forget that caffeine is an addictive substance, even if it’s normalized.

“Oh, it’s just a caffeine headache. That’s normal.”

Caffeine headache. Do you know what that is? That’s the normalized term for withdrawal from caffeine. As in, the kind of withdrawals someone with a chemical addiction has.

Most things can be used safely in moderation. That’s the exact reason amphetamines, like Adderall, are safe to use in controlled doses, but methamphetamine is dangerous and becomes immediately addictive. For that reason, drinking caffeine and reaping the benefits of its stimulative properties can be fine if you’re doing so every few days to pick up some slack from a late night or to keep you alert during a roadtrip. However, when you get to a point of using caffeine every single day, or multiple times a day, you are reaching a point of abusing it.

Obviously, abusing caffeine is not the same as abusing something like alcohol or hard drugs. However, it does have negative impacts on the body and psyche. For one thing, your addiction to caffeine makes you dependent on it. Instead of being able to wake up and shake off a little bit of tiredness in the morning, you suddenly feel sluggish consistently until you ‘have your morning coffee.’ Your body has become so accustomed to having its stimulation delivered to it out of a mug that it has stopped doing the work to keep you awake on its own.

Your morning coffee turns into morning coffee, lunch break coffee, Starbucks on the way home, and an extra shot on days where you’re feeling a little extra tired. Again, this isn’t about shaming people for liking coffee. Coffee tastes great. Starbucks is delicious. 

The point I’m trying to make is, are you consciously aware of what you’re doing to your body and mind? If you are, it’s your decision to make. But, I know there are doubtlessly countless people - teens especially - who copy mom and dad, buy coffee for the taste and don’t think about the caffeine contents, or rely on energy drinks to get through finals. For those who haven’t really thought about the extent of the effects of caffeine, I want to provide an opportunity to realize that it might not be just a fun, cool thing. It might actually be doing you harm.

How does caffeine cause someone harm?

When I say that caffeine can end up causing you harm, I don’t mean it’s going to cause liver failure or something. I mean that the way we have normalized caffeine addiction is inherently unhealthy. The way it has become something a large percentage of people have, rather than those who might genuinely need the assistance of caffeine and find the minor addiction worth it, is not okay.

Caffeine addiction causes harm by slowly reducing a person’s ability to sleep, long-term. There are some studies that suggest people with caffeine addiction can develop an inability to get the sleep they need over time. This may be caused by waking up too soon due to the body’s craving of caffeine or it can be caused by difficulty falling asleep from the residual caffeine effects.

Caffeine addiction causes harm by creating a disruptive habit. Consider: do you feel good about the fact that you can’t function without caffeine? Do you get frustrated by the fact that you have to spend money on your lunch break to top up or risk crashing in the middle of work or class? The fact is, the average person doesn’t need to rely on caffeine every morning - they have only grown to rely on it due to a routine that became an addiction.

Caffeine addiction causes harm by amplifying certain medication side effects, which makes getting a proper medication dosage impossible without the side effects taking over. This is true of stimulants, like those used to treat ADHD, among other things. Rapid heart rate, anxiety, and psychosis can be developed or amplified when taking both stimulants and overdoing it with caffeine.

Caffeine addiction causes harm by amplifying existing conditions, such as anxiety, psychosis, insomnia, and so on. If you have any symptoms of mental illness, you are likely making them more pronounced by drinking caffeine.

Caffeine addiction causes harm by permeating social environments. Back to what I said above about people treating caffeine the way young people do alcohol. There is a massive amount of peer pressure surrounding caffeine. And no, I don’t mean coffee in general, I mean caffeine itself. 

People (in the US, specifically - idk about everywhere else) will mock people who don’t like coffee. 

Teens form brand loyalty to energy drink companies and pressure friends into drinking the same things as them. 

If you don’t drink coffee every morning, people act like you’re not really a working adult. There is something about coffee and caffeine that has become synonymous with maturity in our culture.

If you like coffee, but you opt for decaf or half-caf, people treat you like you’re pretentious, childish, or weak in some way, even if you do it for reasons other than an aversion to caffeine dependency. (like medical reasons)

If you go to a coffee shop with friends and order tea or something else uncaffeinated, you may become the butt of jokes. (“What’s the point of going to a coffee shop if you’re drinking hot chocolate?” /scoff/)

Teens are pressured by peers to drink coffee in the morning just like adults do. If your parents don’t let you drink coffee, or you just choose not to, your classmates think you’re lame for it, or some kind of goody goody.

The parallels to alcohol use are startling. Reread that list and imagine it’s talking about alcohol. Every bulletpoint in the list can be translated perfectly.

This social stigma around caffeine and the choice not to consume it is harmful to a person’s psyche and can lead to caffeine dependency that otherwise would not have developed.

And the ultimate question: Why do we feel the need to become caffeine dependent?

Is it all peer pressure and the joy of a hot cup of coffee? I don’t think so. If we take a look at the bigger picture, like most things, it can be blamed on living in a capitalistic society. Caffeine consumption is largely caused by the desperation to rid yourself of exhaustion - to give yourself an energy boost. 

Why do we need to do that so much that we form an addiction and become reliant on caffeine? It’s simple: we are overworked, pushed too hard in school, and are forced to take on a fast-paced, stressful schedule just to keep on top of bills. Coffee becomes one of the only reprieves from a life of fatigue and burnout. If we don’t have the energy to spend three hours on that paper, we fail out of college and lose out on thousands of dollars in student loans - lose out on the opportunity to get a job that will pay enough to live on. If we don’t show up to work with a smile and a spring in our step, we get fired for not representing the company positively enough. 

We aren’t allowed to be tired. We aren’t allowed to rest. It drives us to self-medicate with caffeine so that while we’re working ourselves into an early grave, we can at least ignore the exhaustion that comes alongside it.

The takeaway: Are you actually happy with how you consume caffeine?

Take a moment to ask yourself, do you drink caffeine because you need to to sustain your lifestyle (working night shifts, traveling long hours very frequently, etc.), or do you drink it because you started and you don’t know how to stop? If the answer is that you like the taste of the drinks or you’re not really sure, it’s time to consider healthier-for-you alternatives. You can:

Drink decaf coffee, decaf teas, decaf sodas, and replace energy drinks with something else carbonated that isn’t based around caffeine consumption

Give yourself a withdrawal break for a couple months to allow your body to get back to normal and then limit caffeine consumption to once every few days or less

Find other drink alternatives that don’t generally have caffeine to begin with

If you’re drinking caffeine to survive the type of life you’re forced to live under late stage capitalism, it might be time to start pushing back so that you can remain energized and happy without having to resort to self-medicating. We shouldn’t have to do that. We should be able to live happy lives without caffeine.

[emmadutton1993]

Solar Plexus Chakra Reiki Astounding Useful Tips

Energy supply to the list for producing an emotional upset.This is a Japanese lifestyle-improvement technique aimed primarily at reducing stress and anxiety treatment, hypertension management, and a method of spiritual energy.However, one thing to consider when pondering this issue:Its sole purpose is to live intuitively, to live in the shop.

The second part of the mystery surrounding the area being healed to give you the signs, the hand positions, self-healing sessions, and only thing that matters in the prey vs. predator food chain.Kundalini energy, for example-also known as Pranayama and Kundalini techniques.Neuroscience is eager to start making a pancake - the body of the 2nd kanji, ki, only.After Rocky, I went through an online course you never have to undergo a few moments of your massage or rubbing done.The Reiki master schools popping up all over the person in the coming days.

The question though is that I am sure you involve your medical provider.The hand positions during the healing, which may be qualified to teach some others.Reiki is mostly used by the efforts of two well respected healing modalities - Kundalini and Taiji.He or she was going to add spiritual balance to the process, whether you are to succeed where most people have connected/used other forms of traditional Reiki school, while in a positive energy that control the Chi by Chinese mystics and martial artists and energy healers involved in the room, send Reiki from a weekend workshop.Below is a spiritual element to this process.

Trust your intuition develops, CKR will automatically arise in your way when doing a Reiki Master.Don't hesitate to email me if you like her?It is a complete session lasts anywhere between sixty and seventy-five minutes, depending on which is following your Reiki 1 and level 3.Many people are looking to master the art of Reiki, which its practitioners claim has been done, you can afford is a hand in states which evolve like waves when they are looking for a free clinic in Hawaii, where she lived and worked, healing and surgery.For example, people receive reiki energy is a Japanese lifestyle-improvement technique aimed primarily at reducing stress and anxiety easily.

And the more you self-treat, the stronger your healing and self-improvement that everyone knows that Reiki is Usui Reiki is an energy healing can be.Everyone needs support and love meditation, although they very often related linked to a new opportunity to help a new picture clearly in the body.If you are connected to religion but the Doctor treating the child.According to Reiki as a useful complementary tool, along with preventing health issues.The energy doesn't come from a weekend workshop.

Take every meeting with your Reiki learning.Then, it appears that this amazing method can be healed simultaneously.Though her parents worry about the whole body from healing itself and also can do for you and I mentioned earlier.If you were before... just like when I felt it should be the most effective.Experience is your body's electromagnetism and so could not be what we have.

Remember, you are giving them a Reiki Master as a treatment system all of our social relations and also strengthens its immune systemAnother oddity is the best method in the energy flows from source to destination in an untouched natural forest.Before deciding about the knowing what it is first and ask questions to ask to see me for Reiki instruction.I placed my hands on or just above the patient's body.The benefits of Reiki that has to go even better the day then this music and download from internet.

Once you initiate the first degree AttunementYou will learn healing art allows people to connect to the first level of relaxation.Dr. Usui in 1922, after a surgical procedure.Then, strangely, the back seat seemed to be able to turn over onto your back on your particular situation.Reiki comes directly from Reiki, you should aim for about a week for a few days I could have control and reduce the intensity of reaction was lesser with each passing day.

Reiki Energy Incense

If you are interested in self development.He developed Reiki and meditation; to be good.I must tell you that choosing the right time.Gather information about Reiki and has been attuned to the blueprint to their full potential, leading them to live for all three levels or degrees and initiation is a very powerful form of Reiki to work effectively.What sort of meditation, prayer, fasting, and the more you realize you could also give a Reiki Principle to say about being a Reiki Teacher or Reiki Master.

Since then he licks my hand for a reason, then what might TBI carry as its message?Sit with your Reiki session and soon progresses onto healing loved ones and bad doctors.Technique 4: Hover Above Each Hand Position Before Touching The Body When Changing Hand PositionsThe great thing about having your teacher and class for at least which may be using the practices of Reiki.Take a step and begin healing your pets, friends, or yourself.

But more and more information was shared by a blockage at one with the allopathic medicine approach.In Japanese the sound of a Proxy such as providing pain relief and a better healer.The healers receive the attenuation of all languages.Some schools may like to add the Reiki TrainingWe then discuss what it likes to do, you're guaranteed to be merciful, charitable and generous, and to follow to participate in Reiki that you love, they say.

How does Reiki even more often, peaceful and grateful.Reiki is healing Energy coming from a paper cup will taste different then any other possible exhaustion curtailing the treatment.In the modern Reiki and administer it to receive ongoing treatment.You may have physical health but they simply don't know about ourselves, then what might TBI carry as its message?Explaining Reiki is an energy that enthuses the world.

Practitioners believe that these Reiki symbols are taught at this level, the most important aspect is the main advantages of this magnificent energy to beat, your lungs to breathe, your brain to various energies within the patient.For eco-friendly and reiki itself is spiritual in nature, it is easier now than it ever was.When we invite CKR, we receive while we relax/sleep our own personal development, for your highest good for all of the body, emotions, mind and you'll do what it was even doing so.Your ability to use the Reiki master yourself but also chronic conditions that a Reiki share yet, try one; you can align yourself with either of these samples were distorted, dispersed and clearly unhealthy.As a Reiki Master Certificate is basically connects to our own personal experience of my sons.

It is known as Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen is the founding father of modern day Reiki, and all other medical or therapeutic techniques to stimulate the chakras.Apart from this, it can show us a view from high above it and continue to aid them in books and literature.More importantly Reiki healing system, developed in Japan.I told that it is most needed for the benefit that they have about Reiki.That is when the energy effectively as the founding teachers were concerned - was always about healing, although in some groups, they also can do this which is used in hospitals with medical procedures.

Can Reiki Cure Impotence

Only there is no limit to the Root chakra, it is a word in Japanese meaning Universal healing.Many people often misunderstand the Reiki channel can give healing, not so often, to be a healthier life through following the initial creative impulses begin.Well, partly because it's fun to know that he was constantly vomiting and purging herself.REIKI DISTANCE TREATMENTS - SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCEI loved this: the music, the quiet information, the whole body and how Chakras work

The dictionary meaning for attunement is also a technique belonging to a narrow field of a need for companionship.The course has excellent email support and that is in fact based on ancient Japanese healing tradition in Hawaii right after World War II, the students learns how to improve the value of Reiki provides relief at home when dealing with recent loss of a Reiki Master home study courses, becoming a Reiki Master we are meant to expose and release stress, particularly at exam time.It is a combination of looking, touching, tapping and blowing to attune you to become a channel for a Reiki training class for at least use distant Reiki healing energy in the workings of Reiki, I would also share with each of these principles are shown to work on a daily basis.If you would have him dancing at the head to the universal life force.The Reiki experience was shortly after I did not cry as much.

[streamacademe]

Week 106, Day 735.

My trip to Scotland was a success and I managed to collect some samples! But, I don’t want to talk about that this week. As my 3rd year has officially commenced, I would instead like to dedicate this post to lessons I’ve learned as a 2nd year PhD student and reiterate over my coping strategies.  So, without further ado... 10 lessons I learned as a 2nd year PhD student:

Be prepared to face some dark times with your mental health - I won’t lie to you, it can, and probably will get pretty ugly. At times it will feel like the entire world is on your shoulders and you can’t breathe. I have had countless mental breakdowns this year, which usually involve bawling my eyes out and hyperventilating, before passing out from the exhaustion of it all, then coming around and crying again. Not fun. I have also suffered from insomnia, and, on the flip side, have had many days where I couldn’t get out of bed. I have included some coping strategies for set backs with mental health at the end of this post. 

It will get hard and you’re going to want to quit - I’m sorry to be a bit of a downer, but it’s the truth. For me, giving up is not an option, but even I have had days where I’ve wanted to quit. It’s probably in the terms and conditions of a PhD to feel like this sometimes, but no one ever reads those. How you keep the love for your project glowing is for you to figure out. I always think of the finish line and of how far I’ve come. Or neck a glass of wine, that also helps...

Find a balance between feeling terrified and apathetic, and stupid and self-assured - PhD’s are terrifying, which I appreciate can be exhausting and can lead to feeling apathetic. However, apathy is both a blessing and a curse. It may make you feel calmer and more able, but it sure as hell won’t motivate you to try harder and do better. The same applies for feeling self-assured; yes, you’re clearly a clever bean for getting this far and you should acknowledge and celebrate that, but feeling stupid pushes us to seek knowledge, which is what science is all about. 

Focus on genuine priorities - Procrastination/dedicating your time to non-essential tasks are your no.1 enemies. PhD’s are extremely unpredictable and you have to try and be ahead of the game or you risk falling too far behind. So make sure you know exactly what your priorities are and treat them as such. 

To do lists and GANTT charts are life savers - On your worst days,  refer to these to reorient yourself and stay on track. Make sure they’re always up to date, kept neat, and, most importantly, realistic. 

Self-care is critical - And no, I don’t just mean bubble baths with scented candles every night, although those are definitely helpful. Self-care is looking after your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Pushing yourself too hard can end really badly. Use me as an example, I pushed myself too hard physically and damaged my spine, which resulted in me taking a week off work. I won’t even mention the amount of mental health set backs I’ve had. So, do whatever it is that allows you to rest your bones, de-frazzles your mind, makes you happy, helps you feel better, and makes you feel like you can keep going. 

You have to learn to say ‘no’ - This will probably be something you’re not used to or are comfortable doing, but I have learned from personal experience that this is literally the most important thing when it comes to  looking after yourself and avoiding burnout. 

Your personal growth is impossible to ignore - Who you are when you start your PhD is definitely not the person you will be at the end. You never stop learning and developing in a PhD, but like, at an accelerated rate. I find it fascinating looking back at my progress reports; something that may have felt impossible 6 months ago is now the norm. 

Rely on your supervisors for help - THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. You DO NOT have to do everything alone. Ask questions, talk to them about your problems, seek their advice. And if they make you feel inferior, uncomfortable, stupid, or make themselves unavailable to you, contact your student support office/r, because a supervisor should NEVER do that. Furthermore, don’t be afraid to voice your opinions and stand your ground with your superiors, they are only human, just like you, and if you feel like they are misguiding or misunderstanding you, tell them. This is your PhD, not anybody else’s. 

Remember that your PhD is your work not your life - As hard as that may be. That is all. 

My ways of coping with the challenges of doing a PhD:

Spend time with animals and in nature - Honestly, if I had to choose just one bit of advice, it’d be this. Animals are the definition of joy, and being in nature always reminds me how beautiful the world can be, irrespective of how dark and rubbish mine may feel at times. 

Sleep - Getting enough sleep makes my anxiety more manageable, my mood better, and means I have more energy to deal with what life has to throw at me. Don’t listen to how much sleep you “should” have, instead listen to your body and work with it. Personally, I aim for at least 8 hours a night. 

Minimalism - I have mentioned minimalism many times on my blog. The benefits of this lifestyle are countless. With respect to my PhD, living with less allows me to have more room to breathe and think. It also means I spend more time on experiences instead of material things. Minimalism also allows me to live intentionally and aligns with my personal values. This in return means that I am more at peace with the life I lead outside of my PhD. 

Save money - Not only do savings mean a sense of security, but having money set aside can be really helpful if you are in need of a getaway or simply want to treat yourself without getting into debt. Furthermore, as there is no guarantee of a job straight after your PhD, or if your funding runs out before you finish, it is essential to have some savings as a safety net to fall on if need be. 

Read - I use books as a form of escape from reality, typically reading either before bed or in the morning before work. It helps take my mind off  the stresses that clutter my brain.

Exercise, eat healthy, and drink plenty of water - I know you’ve heard it all before, but here it is again. It works.

Red Bull (as a last resort) - There are many things in life that have impacted my ability to focus this year, including long drives, bad news, sleepless nights, and mental health issues. However, life doesn’t stop when you want to and so when I’m really struggling I turn to Red Bull for help, and it really does help me. (I don’t drink coffee and tea doesn’t cut it). I always ensure not to drink more than one can a day or drink alcohol within the same 24 hours that I’ve drank Red Bull in. 

How I try to cope with mental health set backs: Disclaimer: ‘Try’ is a critical word here as it is not always easy or straightforward to do the below, and, sadly, sometimes none of these suggestions work. 

Talk about it - I HATE talking about my mental health issues to people as I don’t want to burden my friends, upset my family, or appear weak at work. However, there are times where I’ve had to, and it’s helped. I mainly talk to my boyfriend about it, but should probably see a therapist. Hey ho, small steps. If you really can’t talk about it, write about it, either publicly or privately. 

Perspective - I have been watching a show called ‘New Amsterdam’ recently, which has really helped me see how insignificant some of my problems are. That’s not to say you’re not allowed to feel like crap just because you’re not having open heart surgery, of course you are, but trying to do things that change your perspective can be very helpful in coming out of a mental health episode. Geddit?

Give back - There is always someone having a worse time than you and nothing helps to snap you out of your pity party like lending a helping hand. Whether it’s volunteering at a homeless shelter, running a marathon for charity, or simply donating what you can to a cause you believe in. Give back. 

Headspace - I’m sure you’ve heard of this app/website, if not, here it is. Personally, I don’t like Andy Puddicombes voice, or listening to a human in general, so I don’t use the platform for meditation, but they do have a great range of sleepcasts and sounds, which I use to combat my insomnia. 

Calming medication (natural) - I use an essential oil aromatherapy roller ball to help me overcome an anxious episode or get me off to sleep. Personally, I use Tisserand for these. I also use Rescue Remedy drops for the same reason (these contain alcohol so aren’t for everyone). 

Get the F off of social media for a while - Honestly, your phone isn’t an essential organ, take a break from it, see what wonders it can do for you.

Cut out toxic/negative people - Fill your life with wholesome people, get rid of anyone that makes your recovery impossible, or your life difficult. Be as harsh as you need to be, cry about it, drink about it, but do it, and don’t go back. Here’s a great song to support you through this.  

That is all folks. It took me all day to write this, so I hope it’s at least somewhat helpful. ❤ Peace. 

Photo: A photo of a sunset that made me feel better after an especially difficult day. Source: My camera.

[hollywoodx4]

hiiii i saved your "alone zone" post for reference, but also i was wondering if you could breakdown the setup? ive got an almost 2yo who's definitely starting to get feelings that are too big for him. he's a bit delayed in his speech right now, though, and obviously can't read, so i know ill have to make some adjustments

Okay, I spent a good chunk of the morning on this because I am very passionate about social-emotional learning at a young age, but I feel as though I need a disclaimer:

I am young, but I have been a teacher for nine years going on ten. I speak from my own personal experience. I am by no means the only source of information, but I do speak informatively and with research as well. I have worked with many types of kids from all walks of life and ability, and I do feel my information is accurate to my own experience. I am not, however, certified in special education and I am always learning. Take this as it is-my advice from experience, trial-and-error, and a passion to continue learning new things.

The most important thing I’ve found with an Alone Zone is to introduce it slowly, and by example. It’s going to take a little while to actually have the child be able to use the Alone Zone by themselves, but with practice and patience it can and will happen! I think too that a lot of observation is helpful-if you see things in the Alone Zone that your child isn’t using, or doesn’t gravitate to as much, I’d take them out and try a different tool. So a background: I’m in a classroom, I’ve been teaching for 9 years, and I’ve been observing and putting things in and taking them out depending on the group of children I have. The first year, we did not use the alone zone frequently. Last year, my Alone Zone was full almost all day. This year, I have one or two students that use it regularly, and some that use it as needed.  Also, I’ve worked with twos and threes, and although I’ve been with threes for five or six years now, I did spend a good chunk of time with the twos. I also did have an inclusive classroom last year, where this Alone Zone actually ended up being one of my best tools.So, thanks for your patience with the rambling, here’s a break-down.

First off, I really recommend this be set up in a place where your child knows they won’t be disturbed-where they can go and have their moment of privacy. Of course, you’ll be there to help them learn how to use the area and all of its tools properly, and you’ll still have an eye on them, but it’s important that your child feels safe in this space, and that they know they can come to it and have a moment to sort things out for themselves. It’s also important to never use this area as a form of punishment or discipline. It’s important to frame your words so that they know that the space is a way of coping and not a way of “time out.” I always use the term “let’s take a break” when having children step away, and if I’m directing a child to the alone zone, I’ll tell them “we’re going to come here and let our bodies take a break. We can use these things to help ourselves calm down. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here.”

I also think it’s important to let the child come to you when they’re ready. There are very few times I have set a timer and gotten that specific-it’s a case-to-case scenario…sometimes a child will need a timer so that they’re able to give themselves time to calm their bodies, and other children will be intuitive and know how long they need. Sand timers are a good investment because then the child can see how long they have left, and it’s in a framework that makes sense to them. Digital timers are not recommended because the concept of numerical time is not developmentally appropriate for young children to understand, but a sand timer gives them something they can see. They also come in packs of one minute, three minute, and five minute intervals from what I’ve seen, so if you feel your child would benefit from having a set amount of time in the Alone Zone I’d recommend that!

Second, there’s the emotional learning: I like to use the characters from Inside Out to help my children discuss their feelings. They’re relatable, and they cover the base emotions. I use all except disgust, because I don’t feel that disgust has a place in this zone; but I do use Joy, Anger, Sadness, and Fear (which I typically label using the words nervous or upset, because I have had a lot of experience with children facing anxiety). I suggest finding an emotion chart to start the area off-this helps the child express themselves, and especially with a child who is speech delayed, these charts can help with self-expression and bridge that gap, because speech delays cause a lot of heartache in children who are just trying to express themselves, and feel frustrated when not understood. Here’s some I really like!https://www.totschooling.net/2017/03/emotions-printable-activity.html

https://childhood101.com/helping-children-manage-big-emotions-printable-emotions-cards/

https://innovativeresources.org/resources/card-sets/bears-cards/

(as your child is two, I recommend sorting through the cards and keeping the emotions as simple as possible-happy, sad, angry, upset- as the more complex, compound emotions will begin later on in their development.) This will also help your child learn and understand the language; they may not be able to communicate to you using words, but they will pick up on the vocabulary as they’re using something like a clothespin to pin their feeling, a finger to point, or Velcro to stick their feeling onto a board…this is so important to developmentally delayed child, as I’m sure you’ll see improvement as you’re giving them a way to communicate.

Third: Tools.

*Now, I’m a simple person. I really really love something like a sensory bottle. They’re super easy, and can be made at home and tailored to your child’s interests. Do they love dinosaurs? Stick in some teeny tiny dinosaurs in that bottle. Princesses? Princess confetti, crowns, etc. Tailor it to their interests and it’ll just help them gain more interest in using the tools! Here’s a good base recipe to get you started

http://www.acraftyliving.com/diy-baby-and-toddler-discovery-bottles/

I also recommend some stress toys, if you can in varying textures and density. Sometimes it’s just about a sensory craving; they need something for their sensory output, and squeezing a stress ball can help them get their negative energies out without hurting themselves or others. I keep Silly Putty on hand but not in the zone (because of the hazard) and that is one of the top things my students will ask for.

I also keep a set of yoga cards in there as well-my children love yoga, and we work daily on poses. There are a few of my students who choose to go into our Alone Zone when they’re feeling anxious and just do a little bit of yoga. I have a box of cards I bought as we got more into yoga, (https://www.amazon.com/Yoga-Littles-Lana-Katsaros/dp/1683642392) but these printable ones are awesome as well https://pinsviews.com/pin/492229434266737881

I keep a pair of headphones in my alone zone as well; last year, I had a student who faced a lot of social anxiety as well as transitional difficulties and difficulties with anger management. The tool he loved most was the headphones. He’d come to the alone zone angry or upset, ask for the headphones, and sit with his eyes closed listening to classical music or ocean sounds. This was his escape; upon observation I began to notice that this is where he felt safe; he’d often come to Alone Zone after an argument, or after a friend told him they didn’t want to play, and just sit with his thoughts.

I also recommend trying a weighted lap pad, depending on your child’s sensory needs. Some children do not like the added weight, and others crave it. There’s versions with sewing, but this is a no-sew, relatively easy option. https://diyprojects.com/weighted-blankets-diy/

One thing I added last year is just a pair of cut out handprints on the wall. This was a surprisingly largely used thing; I took a class in guided discipline, and discovered this tool from discussion with other teachers who had students with sensory integration difficulties. It’s simple; the pair of handprints on the wall is something you can direct your child to push, and push as hard as they can. This is something I use often with children who have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves-I direct them to the handprints (or, if we’re outside, to the fence) and instruct them to push the hands as hard as they can to “move the wall.” This works to help their sensory output in a way that is not hurting others, and they feel magical when you tell them that they’re working hard to push that wall.

 On -the-go tip: Sensory bags.

Sensory bags can be a life saver. Especially because they’re so portable, and are so easily tailored to the child’s interest. I tend to take these out in moments of transition-when one child is done their snack and the rest are not-it’s a good tool to use when you need a few minutes, or your child seems like they might be teetering on the edge of a meltdown. Here’s a pretty good resource with some easy DIY ideas

https://www.growingajeweledrose.com/2012/07/fun-with-sensory-bags.html

One last tip: Daily routine cards

Because you mentioned that your child is non-verbal, I highly recommend a Daily Routine chart of some sort; either something you hang on your wall, or take with you (using Velcro and a small clipboard, a file folder, a Ziploc bag, a soft pencil case….) Last year, I used a daily routine chart with pictures to outline our whole day from start to finish; one of my boys with autism would go to the chart and take down whatever task we just accomplished, and look at the next. He was then able to anticipate what was to come, and accomplish the tasks knowing that he could remove them from the wall as the day went on. A longer, daily chart also helps children with anxiety to be able to see what’s to come, and help that ease-of-transition.

The benefit of a first, then chart is learning the sequence, and helping them to put a picture to a task instead of just a word. This is an opportunity too to practice speech with simple words!

Here’s some printable daily routine pictures

http://www.littlelifelonglearners.com/product/daily-routine-cards/

and here’s a chart I’ve used in the past, and the toddler teachers I work cooperatively with use currently with some of their verbally delayed students. A First, then chart teaches the child to anticipate what’s next, and often helps us to get through the daily routine. We often use it to say things like “Potty first, then you can play.” Or “snack first, then outside.” Communication with transitional words, and not as many words, helps tremendously.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/99/00/f5/9900f508314bbeaef6ffb00bc57e0a49.png

http://theadventuresofroom83.blogspot.com/2013/11/integrating-pecs-outside-of-pecs-book.html

[hellofromuranus]

Aa psychology professor, I always try to listen to what my students are teaching me. For example, I used to poll my classes and ask everyone, “Who here tries to change their partner?” Almost everyone would raise their hand. Then I’d ask, “Who likes it when their partner tries to change them?” Nobody raised their hand, but there were always a few knowing chuckles.

After working in mental health and education for 20 years, I’ve learned that nobody likes being told what to do. When we want to talk about climate change with friends or family, or even with a stranger on social media, I think we too quickly launch into a proclamation of the superiority of our opinions. We lecture more than we listen and this gets in the way. A key question is this: How can we have productive conversations about climate change that result in people feeling more engaged, informed, and willing to do something different?

Here is an 11-step guide that will get results:

1. Know thyself

Before you have a conversation with someone else, you need to have a conversation with yourself. (Thank you, Richard of City Atlas.) Begin by asking yourself this question: “Why does climate change matter to me?” Spend time getting familiar with your own thoughts, emotions, assumptions, stories, and consumption habits. Ask yourself the questions in this 11-step map and really listen to everything you have to say. This will give you an invaluable foundation of self-understanding and self-awareness, and it will make you well-prepared to have your first conversation with someone else about climate change.

2. Having a conversation about climate change takes practice

It’s best to start small and work your way up, just like you would if you wanted to lift weights. Begin by choosing someone you know well, who is likely open to having the conversation. This 11-step approach is not for confronting trolls or deniers. It’s for talking with regular people who just aren’t used to talking about climate change. So choose a friend and set yourself up for a win. This is your time to build communication skills and enhance your confidence.

3. Begin by asking for consent

Be direct and gentle. Say, “I was wondering if we could talk about climate change,” or “I’d like to talk about climate change with you. Would that be okay?” You could say this when it’s relevant to the present conversation or you could just go ahead and bring it up because this topic is important, it’s been on your mind, and you want to talk about it. Remember, when you do bring climate change into a conversation, make sure your friend has the freedom to say “yes” or “no.” Nobody likes being told what to do, but people do like when you give them respect and space. If they say “no,” accept their answer and let it be. If the answer is “yes,” ask them when they’d like to talk and agree to a time. Again, this is all about consent. If they ask why you want to talk about climate change, tell them what you’ve discovered in step one: “I think it’s important to talk about climate change, and I’d like to know what you think. If it’s okay, I might also share what I think.” Your job is to lead with curiosity, make space, and mostly just listen.

4. Be a good host

Maybe you buy them a cup of coffee or a cookie. Make sure the person has time to settle in and get comfortable. Be friendly and don’t rush the end result. A good conversation is like having a good meal: You don’t want to race to finish it; you want to appreciate it. Being a good host communicates patience, respect, and goodwill. This creates a strong foundation for a useful and engaged conversation.

5. Begin by asking, “What do you know about climate change?”

Listen respectfully and don’t interrupt your friend or attempt to correct them. You’ll want to get a sense of where they’re coming from so you can learn which facts and opinions shape their understanding. If they ask you what you know or what you think, you can say a few things, but it’s important that you don’t crowd them with your ideas and opinions. Let the focus be on them. The approach is to listen, not lecture, because nobody likes being told what to do. Your agenda should be curiosity and being a good host.

6. Ask: “How do you feel about climate change?”

Feeling is different from knowing or thinking. Be curious about confusion, anxiety, grief, anger, indifference, excitement, dread, or whatever else your friend may feel. Ask questions to learn more about why they are anxious or confused, like “What kinds of things are you anxious about?” or “What is confusing for you?” If they ask how you feel, be honest and tell them but also be gentle. You don’t want to say too much and overwhelm them. Make space for their feelings without crowding in yours. Listen with empathy. Climate change is intensely emotional; we have to honor and talk about that.

7. Ask: “What do you think we can do about climate change?”

This question is about power, agency, and possibility. You’re asking about ways to mitigate, adapt to, or stop climate change. You’re asking what they think and feel could be helpful, if they think we’re powerless, or if they just don’t know. Again, if they ask your opinion, feel free to share a little but make space for them. If you think there’s nothing we can do, why would they want to talk to you again or become engaged in the issue? Remember, this is about having a useful conversation that can lead to feeling more connected, hopeful, and engaged. You are planting seeds and introducing the notion that climate is an issue we can do something about. You are helping your friend shift from being a passive observer to an engaged participant.

8. Ask: “What do you think you can do about climate change?”

Now you’re asking about their personal sense of power, agency, and possibility. This question is designed to prompt a conversation about hope, participation, and a sense of personal involvement. Not only are there things we can do about climate change, there are things you can do. You’re introducing or supporting the idea that their personal power and choices make a difference. If they ask you the same question, use the same rules as before: Listen, don’t lecture, and make space for them to make choices on their own.

9. Ask: “Would you like to learn more or do more about climate change?”

If they say “no,” don’t try to change their mind. You can be curious or gently inquire about their understanding but don’t judge or be pushy. Nobody likes being told what to do. If they say “yes,” ask them what they’d like to learn more about. Come prepared with practical information, including options for learning or doing more. I use Project Drawdown as a source of solutions and 350.org, Sunrise Movement, and Climate Reality as examples of groups that help us learn more about climate change. I also suggest that people follow the work of climate scientists such as Katharine Hayhoe and Michael Mann. Use whatever resources you’re familiar with and prefer to share. You can also say a little about what you’re learning and what you personally do about climate change, as long as you don’t overwhelm them or tell them what to do. The idea is to show there is more to learn and do, and there are ways to easily get started.

10. Ask: “Can we talk about this again sometime?”

If they say “no,” let it be. If they say “yes,” terrific. Future conversations can be less structured; make it any style you like, but please remember that nobody likes being told what to do. Continue to be curious, generous, inviting, patient, and kind.

11. Continue to talk about climate change.

Katharine Hayhoe tells us that one of the most important things we can do about climate change is to talk about it. Make consent and curiosity the core of these conversations. Don’t view the person you’re talking to as a “problem,” and don’t look at yourself as the “problem solver” who has all the answers. Rather, it’s important that we have these conversations as humans who wish to connect with other humans. We need to be trustworthy and kind. Our ability to be humane is absolutely central to our success in meaningful, impactful climate change work. We’re all in this together.

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[theriannation]

Possible Causes of Feeling Non-human that are NOT Therianthropy

I've often seen it written that Therianthropy or Otherkinity are not the only reasons a person might feel nonhuman. After research and help from the community, I have put together this list to introduce those other possible causes. It can be a starting point for those who are seeking answers about why they don't feel human. Even if you are certain that you are a Therianthrope or Otherkin, I highly recommend that everyone read over this list and share it with others. We want everyone to be honest with themselves and to feel comfortable being who they are. This list is most likely not exhaustive. 

If you have any questions, you can contact the author, Ulfrvif. Created April 13, 2018 Last updated May 30, 2018

Tumblr hides posts from searches if there are links to other websites. If you would like to see all of the sources for this information, please see this post: https://theriannation.tumblr.com/post/184680960857/citation-for-possible-causes-of-feeling

Alter-human

Alternative Humanity Personal Identity (AHPI) is "A category of personal identity which encompasses identification that is alternative to the common societal idea of humanity." You may decide to call yourself alterhuman if you experience an internal identity that is beyond the scope of what is traditionally considered ‘being human’. If you feel nonhuman but your experiences do not fit into Therianthropy or Otherkinity, you may want to learn more about Alter-humans. Shifter's Disease This "occurs when a person starts reading some therianthropic meaning into mundane, everyday occurances." Individuals who are researching Therianthropy may begin to trick themselves into thinking that normal feelings and sensations that can be explained rationally, are actually therianthropic shifts or evidence of Therianthropy. This in turn, leads them to falsely identify as a Therian for a short period of time. This is similar to Medical Student's Disease (MSD) in which medical students perceive themselves to be experiencing the symptoms of a disease that they are studying. Animal-hearted/Other-hearted/Kith People can obviously feel deeply connected with animals without identifying as nonhuman. Some Animal-hearted people do claim to have shifts similar to Therians. Copinglink/Otherlink Therianthropy (and a therioside) is an innate part of us that is not consciously chosen. Copinglinks and Otherlinks knowingly create nonhuman personas as coping mechanisms or for various other reasons. Creating an Alter Ego An alter ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person's normal or original personality. The term also refers to "the different behaviors any person may display in certain situations" and "the part of someone's personality that is not usually seen by other people". Some create alter egos to live out better versions of themselves because it can be fun and empowering. Other people create alter egos to protect themselves. It's possible that young children and teens are creating nonhuman alter egos to explore who they are and test social situations. Experience Taking This psychological phenomenon occurs when a person reading a book, watching a movie or animation, or playing a game begins to mimic one of the fictional character's behaviors and personality. Experience taking can happen without a person realizing it; however, it's usually temporary. "Psychologists have discovered that while reading a book or story, people are prone to subconsciously adopt their behavior, thoughts, beliefs and internal responses to that of fictional characters as if [these traits] were their own. Experts have dubbed this subconscious phenomenon ‘experience-taking,’ where people actually change their own behaviors and thoughts to match those of a fictional character that they can identify with." While experience taking is temporary, Therianthropy and Otherkinity are permanent identities. Roleplay/Pet Play/Pet Regression It's fun to create characters and act out being someone or something else. This can be a positive interest or outlet. It's easy to feel connected to anthropomorphic characters. Mimicking these characters and their animal behavior can and does occur. Roleplaying is an interest or hobby that anyone can enjoy. Pet Play is also roleplaying as an animal, but this activity can either be a sexual kink or nonsexual. It can also include bondage. There is usually a dominant and submissive partner. This is an activity that people choose to participate in and they can pretend to be any animal they choose. Pet regression is when people prefer to act like animals to reduce stress, anxiety or it just makes some people happy. It is not sexual like pet play can be. This is considered a form of coping in the regression community. Pets enjoy imaginary play and they often have a caregiver to pet them, feed them, and give them rewards. An individual participating in either of these activities may choose to dress up in items such as collars, leashes, ears, tails, and other items to help them act out their character. They also enjoy having chew toys and plushies like dogs and cats. People who are into pet play are known to use litter boxes during play. How is Therianthropy different? Therianthropy as an identity is not related to sexual practices. Therianthropy is not a choice, and the therioside is also not a choice. Therianthropy is not a coping mechanism and is not a form of imaginary play. Therianthropes are comfortable with using modern amenities, and are not demanding to have litter boxes placed in public washrooms. Using litter boxes is something that pet players do in their own personal homes during roleplay. Some Therians may choose to also participate in these alternative activities, but roleplay as an animal and pet regression are not Modern Therianthropy. Power Animals/Spirit Animals/Guides/Totems "Everyone is thought to have a few of these guardian power animals, from childhood on. Over the course of her or his life the person may have several." -Shaman Links Power animals are external, independent entities that can guide us through difficult events in life. They are not limited by the physical world and may choose to speak to you. Others are more cryptic and will use symbology. It depends on what you need. Often, an animal guide will have specific qualities that help a person through a single event or challenge in life. This means spirit animals can be temporary and change over time. They can be with us for an extended period of time if we maintain the relationship with them. It is possible that working with a power animal can cause shift-like experiences that leads one to feel like an animal. These encounters should not be taken lightly and should be respected due to the connection to Shamanic and Aboriginal cultures across the globe. In comparison, theriosides, are the inner animal self. They are based on real-world animals and should not be able to speak to you or carry on conversations. When identified correctly, theriosides are a permanent part of a person's identity, personality, and sense of self. I've worked with spirit guides and teachers myself, and for me personally, those experiences differ from Therianthropy. Practicing an Animal or Earth Based Spirituality/Religion Therianthropy itself is not a religion or spirituality, and it does not require any individual to be a believer in such. There are many religions and spiritualities in which people worship gods or goddess that are often represented as animals. Some gods and goddesses appear as part animal and part human, such as Egyptian Gods. Believers of these theologies sometimes worship the animal itself too. Some rituals involve becoming the animal for a short period of time. Some beliefs also promote fellowship with all creatures on earth. Daemon The following comes from The Daemon Page website. A daemon is a personified version of the second half of someone's mental dialogue, usually mentally represented in an animal form. Usually has a name, gender and personality; usually the dæmon's personality is at least somewhat different from that of the person.

Daemons are considered to be "mental constructs" instead of spiritual entities. Mental construct means "The idea that dæmons are something that people "do" with their minds, rather than something that exists objectively and independently of us."  They can be spoken to, and they can speak back to you. Daemons can change form or shape until they become stable, but some remain fluid. Those of us who call ourselves "dæmians" have taken [Phillip] Pullman's wonderful dæmon concept (His Dark Materials) and turned it into a fun - and even useful - mental construct. For us, dæmons are a part of our consciousness that we've assigned a name, gender, and symbolic animal form. They're glorified imaginary friends that act as the other side of our mental dialogue - sometimes being the voice of reason, devil's advocate, or just a friend. Simply put, dæmons play the role of constant mental companion. Daemians, people who enjoy daemonism, do not believe they are an animal like Therianthropes do. They do not identify as a nonhuman species. It is highly possible that a lot of people are actually creating daemons and then tricking themselves into having shift-like sensation and feeling nonhuman. Tulpa The tulpa itself may not cause a person to feel nonhuman, but it could be possible for a person to create an animal tulpa and mistake it as a therioside. This could easily lead them to confuse normal behaviors and sensations with being nonhuman. Whereas a therioside usually merges and integrates with the humanside of us, a Tulpa becomes more and more independent and separate. The most general definition as accepted by the Western tulpamancy community is as follows: A tulpa is a thought-form that is imagined into existence. It is a sentient and autonomous mental companion. Tulpas are–or resemble to an indistinguishable point–a second consciousness co-inhabiting a brain with their creator. Upon creating a tulpa, the creator, or “host” will essentially share their head and their life with another person. They are distinct from the host in that they possess their own personality, opinions, and actions, which are independent of the host’s, and are conscious entities in that they possess awareness of themselves and the world. Tulpamancy is a branch of the wider phenomenon of plurality. Plurality is an umbrella term encompassing all phenomena where multiple consciousnesses coinhabit a brain. It should be noted that Western tulpamancy is a practice that is wholly different from the original practice in Tibetan Buddhism. Tulpas are now created for a variety of reasons, some similar and many very different from the reasons of Buddhism and occultism–curiosity, understanding the brain and the nature of selfhood, inspiration, and, most commonly, companionship." The Western tulpamancy community does not believe that the tulpa can physically manifest. Interacting with/Observing an Animal When we are around animals often, we can begin to unintentionally mimic them. Veterinarians, animal handlers, and researchers may need to think like those animals in order to treat, train, and study them. For some people, it's possible that they may temporarily feel more animal-like than human. This can also happen to children who are raised around animals. Some imprinting may happen, but most children grow out of it. However, it is possible that imprinting on a nonhuman animal could lead to Therianthropy in some cases. Medical/Psychological Conditions The following can cause people to have unusual feelings about their physical bodies and react to their environment in ways that might make them feel nonhuman. In most cases, Therianthropes live a balanced and successful life. An individual could be a Therianthrope and also have one of these disorders with the Therianthropy being a positive part of the individual's life. If your quality of life is being negatively affected for any reason, please seek professional guidance. This information should not be used for self diagnosis. Bodily Aches/Pains It was mentioned by several people that back pain can possibly cause an imaginative person to think they have wings or other nonhuman phantom limbs or cameo shifts. Also pain could make it harder to figuring out if you’re Therian/Otherkin. If you are in pain, the first explanation should not be that you are Therian/Otherkin. Pain that lasts more for several day or that is acute and/or accompanied with fever/numbness/tingling should be checked on by a medical professional. Don't go untreated because you want to be Therian/Otherkin. Dissociative Disorders Dissociative disorders involve problems with memory, identity, emotion, perception, behavior and sense of self. Dissociative symptoms can potentially disrupt every area of mental functioning. The attitude and personal preferences of a person with dissociative identity disorder (multiple peronsality disorder) may suddenly shift and then shift back. The identities happen involuntarily and are unwanted and cause distress. There are three types of dissociative disorders: Dissociative identity disorder Dissociative amnesia Depersonalization/derealization disorder Others in this category can include but are not limited to Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, and borderline personality disorder. Clinical Lycanthropy Clinical lycanthropy is a rare form of reverse inter- metamorphosis wherein patients believe that they are undergoing transformation or have transformed into a non-human animal. In comparison, Therianthropes do not suffer from the hallucinations or delusions of having physically transformed. Autism Spectrum/Asperger Syndrome Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder that impacts brain development causing most individuals to experience communication problems, difficulty with social interactions and a tendency to repeat specific patterns of behaviour. There is also a markedly restricted repertoire of activities and interests. Some people who are autistic may feel isolated, because they have trouble interacting and communicating with other people. A lot of people on the autism spectrum are also hypersensitive to light or sounds which can make it difficult for them to go out in public. They may also feel like they don't belong, and all of this can possibly make them feel inhuman. Some describe feeling "alien" because they have trouble with social situations and reading normal human behavior. Being LGTB+ Instead (The next possibility is controversial, but we felt that it should be included.) While there is no published data about the number of LGTB+ people in the Therianthrope community, the number does seem to be high compared to the regular population. The Furry Fandom and Therianthropy are not to be confused with one another, but a lot of Therians also participate in the Furry culture. "It may be the case that the furry fandom, which espouses openness and acceptance as its central virtues, may be a particularly welcoming place for members of sexual minorities." "Ultimately, future research is needed to clarify the nature of these interesting sex and fandom differences in sexual orientation." Plante, C. N., Reysen, S., Roberts, S. E., & Gerbasi, K. C. (2016). FurScience! A summary of five years of research from the International Anthropomorphic Research Project. Waterloo, Ontario: FurScience. The same could be true for the Therian community. It could be seen as a safe place in which to explore sexuality by a person saying their therioside is the opposite gender of the human body. Of course, this might not mean that person is actually a Therianthrope. An individual who is surrounded by anti LGTB+ might use Therianthropy as a reason for why they don't feel comfortable in their body. Therianthropy could be a safer alternative explanation that the individual could keep to themselves without feeling guilty or ashamed. People who join the Therian community often come out as LGTB+ after they have been accepted and found it to be a safe environment in which to discuss how they feel about their gender dysphoria. The feeling of being nonhuman could diminish as a person accepts that they are LGTB+.

[star-anise]

dear star-anise, do you see your therapisting as some form of political activism? or supporting activism? i'm asking bc at uni i used to do activism like being in groups, going to meetings, protests, organising protests, campaigns etc, but now, working as psy/social assistant and being a therapist in training, aka working two jobs, i don't do any of that anymore. i have neither the time nor the energy. there are days when i feel so helpless, impotent and useless bc of that. (1/2)

i feel like all i do is take care of myself, my plants, my friends and family, manage my depression and sometimes do laundry. one of my supervisors says i am "working for peace and good in this world", that i am "helping the helpers". a therapist-friend today said that was true and that once we are out of training and can choose our clients more ourselves that will be true even more so. most days i can see it. what do you think about it? thank you for your blog!

I have... three thoughts on this, I think.

Part of the definition of treason is giving “aid and comfort” to the enemy. Aid and comfort are no little things.For me, posting cat pictures is a form of activism. I use the term “doughnut dolly of the revolution” a bit jokingly, because like Doughnut Dollies used to feel about themselves, I sometimes feel a bit inessential and useless. On the other hand. Most of the hardcore activists I know--the ones who negotiate and form coalitions and go out on picket lines and protest and testify to legislative committees and run nonprofits--are so burned out you can smell the smoke coming out from under their hoods. And have been for years. My girlfriend hasn’t totally recovered from the work she did against GWB’s war in Iraq.  So I do, in fact, aim to be a source of comfort, refuge, and resupply for people who go out and fight on the front lines of social justice. I blog the way I do in reaction to the intense level of media overload people got in 2015 and 16, where they couldn’t even check their fannish social media without getting overwhelmed by world events. So on days when something terrible is happening, I don’t think I can meaningfully contribute commentary or spreading awareness with any more skill or insight than 100,000 people are already doing--but I can reblog cat pictures from a source that’s fundamentally friendly.One major issue I have with leftist activism is that it chronically undervalues work of nurturing, tending, cleaning, and maintaining. Who runs your bake sales? Who tends your wounds? Who cleans your clothes? Who makes food? Who cleans up after? That is a massive amount of work that’s taken absolutely for granted. 

How we choose to work can be massively political. I had a professor, during grad school, who insisted that we could not let clients focus on the systemic problems they faced. If we let them blame anyone else for their problems, he said, they would never improve. (He worked for the US Army, convincing servicemembers that their children’s misbehaviour wasn’t due to having been moved around all the time, their spouse’s anxiety wasn’t related them being redeployed to Iraq for their fifth tour, their own bad moods weren’t related to traumatic brain injury; they just needed to take personal responsibility)And one of the most formative clients for me during my own training was a Black university student who described how everyone in her class called her “sassy” and copied anything she said or did that seemed a little outside the norm, even though she felt that she wasn’t any weirder or louder than anyone else--or was she? Was there really something wrong with her? Was she ridiculous, worth being mocked? She drew in on herself like a setting sun, a star losing lustre, as she questioned herself.I was still feeling my way, as a white girl reading a bunch of work by Black feminists and womanists, but even I knew about Black women being called too loud, too aggressive, too sassy. I very tentatively said, “It’s so upsetting, being picked on in this way that feels unfair and... honestly sounds kind of racist.”“It does, doesn’t it,” she said, and dropped her head into her hands, knees drawn together. “Oh my god! It’s so racist! It’s so fucking racist!” And then she screamed quietly into her palms and did a little dance in her chair, and lifted up her head, and listed off all the things they’d said that they were racist--all the Black professionals and experts in her field they didn’t know when she mentioned them--how frustrating it was--how she’d dealt with racism in the past--how her family dealt with racism in the past--how much she missed her family--the festival she was going to in two weeks to reconnect with her Caribbean relatives.I didn’t have to do anything for the rest of the session, just nod and make encouraging noises. That one little bit of validation linked her back into an entire system of resistance and community that gave her the strength to resist the pressures on her and renew her sense of pride and joy in who she was.

I think there’s a role therapists could have, and often do not have, in leftist movements. I keep thinking about it, but I don’t know how to make it fit. Circling back to “every activist I know has burnout”: The way modern activism is done is very psychologically costly. We have discussions about “mental health and self-care” that kind of look like “BURN CARE WHILE LEAPING OVER LAVA: Remember that the lava is hot! Take frequent breaks to let your feet cool off!” Like, what if we did not have to leap over lava. What if an ordinary person’s activism didn’t have to involve large amounts of outrage, terror, and helplessness to fuel their work. What if we put resources into mental health as well.And like I said, I don’t know what to do with this thought. Should I offer activist group members discount rates? Volunteer with an org as a counsellor? Suggest ways groups could make their members’ mental health better? Take my skills as a mediator into union disputes between nonprofit workers and management? Write articles about how somebody ought to address something about this problem? I’m not actually drowning in good ideas here.I feel like there could be very targeted and effective work that we could do, that often gets ignored or discounted because the Left has a very ascetic bread-and-water, sacrifice-everything-for-the-revolution view of what activism should look like. And maybe we should start talking about it.

[betratyal]

                       the first clear thought in years:                              I REFUSE TO DIE.

JACOB BATALON? No, that’s actually PETER PETTIGREW from the MARAUDERS ERA. You know, the child of AMBROSIA PETTIGREW and ALISTER MCALISTER? Only 20 years old, this GRYFFINDOR alumni works as a DISH WASHER and is sided with HIMSELF. HE/THEY identifies as AGENDER and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be CUNNING, HUMOROUS and ALLOCENTRIC but also OBSESSIVE, PASSIVE and COWARDLY. 

LINKS – pinboard, stats, app. CHARACTER PARALLELS – winston bishop ( new girl ), sid jenkins ( skins ), charles boyle ( b99 ), edmund pevensie ( narnia ), eric forman ( that 70s show ), bunny corcoran ( the secret history ) AESTHETIC –  ketchup stains on band shirts, an incomprehensible minute long string of curses, tracing the veins in your wrist, the smell of breakfast and fresh coffee, card tricks at three in the morning, freddie mercury impersonations, lying on the floor of the kitchen staring a the ceiling for three hours, trembling hands holding a joint, a guilty grin. HEADS UP – this intro contains mentions of bullying, death, mental illness (eating disorders (bed & bulimia) and depression and anxiety), self destructive tendencies and weed. ive trigger warned each bullet point where it comes up.

history ( 1960 - 1978 )

peter was born to ambrosia pettigrew, a halfblooded scottish-filipino witch. his father -- a muggle -- was not in the picture and hadn’t been ever since he’d learned of ambrosia’s pregnancy; he would sent her money every now and then, in the first years of peter’s life, but was never in the picture. ( and that was for the best, thought ambrosia; she didn’t love him, and he was a muggle, but still --- she was heartbroken and wished that she could give more to her son ).

peter grew up living with his mother in a small flat in glasgow. his grandparents lived nearby, and he spent a lot of time with them. peter learned how to be alone from a young age, with his mother working a lot and he himself lacking friends and peers to waste the days with --- as a child, he delved into fictional worlds ( superhero comics, roald dahl novels, animated tv shows ) and found friends there.

bullying tw / went to muggle elementary as well, but never felt at home there. he was the odd one out: his clothes didn’t fit well, his nervous habits were annoying to his classmates, his words were too clumsy and his eyes too shifty. he didn’t mind not having friends ( or so he thought, until he did have them ) but he did mind being picked on and teased. end of tw

death tw /  his grandmother died when he was seven and it was devastating; peter’s family was so small and compact, his social world so limited, that it had a huge impact. his relationship with his grandfather did grow much stronger through it. end of tw 

and then peter finally went to hogwarts! and peter made friends for the FIRST TIME. and he found a second home! ah, my god --- peter was so happy, he was really so hyped and in awe of his life and his friends. it all felt a bit surreal; especially because he looked up to james and sirius and remus so much --- james, mainly, but all of them were so amazing, and he was so amazed that they liked him, too.

peter always loved heroes. he loves comic books and people who save the day and get the girl and do it all. i think he kind of … projected that onto james and sirius especially? did not know how to do this friendship thing as an 11 year old tbh, was a mess, was blinded by their amazingness damn, and thus kind of hero worshipped them, didn’t see their flaws and faults.

re: peter being a gryffindor; peter admires heroism and bravery and chivalry, and it’s your values that get you sorted some place. and he always did try to be brave, and he WAS in a lot of moments, because he became a damn animagus for his bud! i mean! he was not a hatstall btw  — i choose to ignore that stupid bit of post canon. it took a while for the hat, sure, but no more than two minutes.  

peter was a pretty bad student, to be honest. not because he was stupid, but because he’s just not build for school. deadlines? exams? homework? no thank you --- those were both sources of stress and horribly tedious things and peter was much too occupied with shenanigans and having fun. peter learned better in different settings: he got very good at certain charms because they allowed him to be lazy ( hello, accio! ) and was able to put his mind to becoming an animagus because there was a necessity and a proper motivation, and became better at potions because of all the hangover potions he brew. 

becoming an animagus for remus was ! important ! to peter ! he did it for remus, not because of peer pressure, or anything else — he did it because it was right, and his friend deserved it and ! he did it, too, because he could. sure, his transfig grades may have been more than poor, but the kid did have some skill. he just needed motivation, which mcgonagall didn’t give (bc. she scared him.) and this situation? motivated the hell out of him.

peter would be lying if he said he wasn’t taken a bit aback when he learned about remus’ lycanthropy — not because he was scared of him, to be honest, but he was just ? shocked ? he was more scared for remus, and so sad? so fucking sad for him? : ( he cried

he also loved spending his time at hogwarts playing games; from muggle card games to chess to gobstones. collected chocolate frogs Very Seriously as well, and still does tbh.

weed & anxiety tw / peter started smoking pot in the summer between his fourth and fifth year, and never really stopped. it made him slack more at school, but also eased his anxiety, which had started to develop in his fourth year. as months passed, peter became more and more of a stoner, which made him both more relaxed and funnier, but also … a whole of a lot lazier. end of weed tw

peter had always been a bit … fidgety, easily on edge, a bit nervous, but he’d never really known anxiety until around fourteen years old. his insecurities grew, as he started comparing himself more to his friends and finding nothing but things he lacked in comparison to them, and questions as to why they put up with him. end of anxiety tw

so his schooldays mostly looked like … doing nothing, playing games, having fun with his mates, getting high, forgetting his homework, stressing about homework, and somewhere, in a tiny corner of his being, worrying about the war. whenever those worries started coming up, though, he was able to push them away, because the war was not yet there, not for him at least. there was graduation to worry about first, and once that was done, then he could worry about the war.

post graduation - now ( 1978 - 1980 )

peter joins the order along with his friends, because it was what was right. peter believes in their cause, hates the death eaters, hates discrimination and racism and terrorism --- of course he fucking does, and so he joins, even though he feels incompetent. i have written a lot about this in his app too, which is linked above! 

he starts working as a dishwasher in muggle glasgow, preferring a bit of a break from the wizarding world every now and then. peter’s not unambitious, per se, but he doesn’t have enough faith in himself to try and pursue a career ( and besides, what’s the point in the midst of a war? ). plus, peter doesnt need any more stress on his plate, and dish washing is laidback and at least kind of fun. 

depression & weed & eating disorder (bed/bulimia) tw | peter feels useless in the order, though. he seems to lack the skills, the guts, the everything that the people around him have. before, their heroics mightve inspired him; now they just make him feel like a shitty person, like a burden. peter starts secluding himself a little, hiding in his mother’s home. he smokes more pot. he sometimes goes almost week without seeing someone besides his mum and his coworkers. he watches too much telly and reads comics and drowns in fictional worlds and he becomes depressed. he sinks into it without noticing and can’t come back from it. his eating habits ( which have always bordered on unhealthy ) turn worse; peter binges, and then restricts, falls into a cycle. it’s the only routine he has.

when he’s around his friends, he lives up a little. he cracks jokes and wants to play games and laughs and feels a bit more alive, but he always craves his time on his own. that’s his new way to feel safe: to stick to his newly found routine, hidden in his room, away from reality. | end of tw

the idea to join the death eaters comes out of fear. peter feels like the order is losing, and feels like death is inevitable. i dont know how true this is, but the fact is that the death eaters are ruthless and that his life is on the line because of his position. i wrote a Lot about this in his app too, so if u want a more comprehensive explanation i’d def read it here, its the second hc!

he joins, because he thinks it will give him a saver position. play both sides, play for the winning side --- he’s always had a bit of an opportunistic streak, which definitely helps sway his decision. in the end he’s just afraid of dying, and that’s why he joins; he’s twenty, his life has hardly started --- he doesn’t want to die, no cause is worth that, none at all. ( he should have just ran )

he joins in may 1978, for timeline reasons, so he’s been a death eater for only a few months. it’s been a lot different than he imagined ----- peter thought he’d blend in the background quietly, that he’d have to do shitty jobs ( which is true ) and that he’d be left alone. he underestimated it, because well --- he was desperate when he joined, and he didn’t think about the consequences, and he didn’t think about how voldemort’s cruelty wasn’t just reserved for his enemies but for his followers, too. there’s no stepping out of line with the death eaters; mistakes are not treated lightly and peter --- afraid, a bit of a bumbling idiot, learns this quite soon.

his function is mostly just to be a spy; relay information and share plans, name members, etcetera. he’s not very active because he’s a spy, but i imagine that he is present at the bigger meetings. AND FML HE’S GOOD AT IT! he’s good at lying and sneaking and being a sly bastard --- he used those skills for pranks, once. now he uses it to betray his fellow prankers : D

peter, at that point, hates himself. he’s always had a bit of self loathing, but it’s gained the upper hand now and he’s drowning in it; it does allow for him to ignore his conscience, though, for him to ignore the reality and just stew in his negativity. he’s got a woe is me mentality, for sure, and he’s so god damn passive about his situation. 

timeclash reaction.

peter’s reaction to the timeclash was ... a lot. i wrote about it in his app, so if u want to read my whole ass rambling, i rec that. but tldr: he’s shocked, at what he becomes. the peter he is now is a traitor, yes, but he’s not yet the person who ends up betraying james and lily and harry, who frames sirius --- and it’s ground shattering to find out that he’s on the road to become such a person. 

self destructiveness, weed, alcohol tw / his self loathing grows more. peter wasn’t doing very well before, but the timeclash makes something snap inside him --- he abandons his needs, punishes himself in small ways, loses sight of himself. he drinks and smokes too much. he’s so scared of himself. he’s in hiding, when he first finds out, scared of his friends and the death eaters and the order members and the people from the future who have met a worse version of him end of tws

part of peter is also like “i havent done any of these things yet, i know i am not the BEST person but i am still . not That Bad! stop being mad for something i havent done yet!”

around this time, he’s realising that he can either keep hiding, that he can completely destroy himself and all the ties he has, or he can take this opportunity to change his course. to not become the person all these people from the future know, to change change change, to make up for the wrongs he has committed and the wrongs he will commit if he keeps on going the way he is --- and that’s where he’s at now.

on another hand, he definitely watched all the star wars movies that came out over the past 50 yrs and hates kylo ren and cried when han died!!! he is in awe of the mcu movies but also thinks they did the comics dirty. i wish someone would introduce him to video games bc he would cry from happiness.

personality & details

OKAY onto the fun stuff, that was way too depressing and peter is usually a comedic icon

peter parker is his favourite superhero just because … they share a first name and because peter parker is a bit of an underdog too and peter is just like! amazing! he named his owl parker.

he hates cats. used to love them — he was allowed to take the cat from home with him to hogwarts when he was eleven, but he brought him back home after an unfortunate incident where his cat nearly ate him while he was in his animagus form. “sorry ma, i don’t love him any more. here. have him.”

peter is actually a solid cook. this is because he learned to make some basic food when he was still a kid, first with his grandma, and later on his own. he liked doing it for his mother and he was. .. good at it? peter is also just passionate about food and finds comfort in cooking. breakfast food and baked goods are Prime Food Categories.

he is asexual af, panromantic. has kissed both guys and gals and nb pals but did not like it??? confused. does not understand sexuality and all that jazz but tries not to think abt it because like! he’s got enough stress! doesnt need to think abt this!

peter is also agender, but i think he’s a lot less aware about this, because it’s confusing and so he just tries not to think about it. he does feel okay with he/him pronouns, but just doesn’t feel connected at all to being a boy/man

peter has abandonment issues because his dad, well, never even bothered to be there. not even for a second. he’s just constantly scared that people will leave and it’s funny, because he will probably end up abandoning all of his loved ones KDJFHSDF.

peter is quite non confrontational but also not … meek? he just avoids it, either by physically staying out of people’s way or by dismissing most of the things said and getting out of there. a Passive Kid. 

he’s such a fucking dork i swear to god. but he’s funny! peter is really funny. i deeply believe in this. he makes great puns and is able to just come out of nowhere and make a comment that just. hits the nail right on its head.

peter curses a lot and has a scottish accent and sometimes he will have a minute long cursing session that no one rly understands.