#where have u been all my life
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I was today years old when i found out that there exists a death note MUSICAL
#um hello?#where have u been all my life#you tell me i could’ve had THIS insted of my hamilton phase#i haven’t watched it yet im gonna do so right the fuck now#death note#death note musical
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omg i tried on black eueshadow finally and it looks soooo good…
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Oh yeah, he's definitely done something scandalous. One of my friends is in his friend group and well...he knows SOME stuff about him...you know like, *that kind of stuff*
OMFG TELL ME
HIS FRIEND GROUP?? WHAT IS THAT LIKE I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE
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can’t help but think of how, if we choose to go by sirius’ characterisation as a private, arrogant teen who only lets a select few into his circle, sirius’ post-azkaban life just have been such an utterly humiliating experience for him.
especially OoTP. when he has all these near strangers in his childhood house, that he hated and loved and ran away from and couldn’t ever escape. if he spent his entire pre-azkaban existence building a cold and aloof persona, not letting people know what his home life had been like, then to have all of these people get a front row seat to it because of kreacher and portrait walburga’s shenanigans must have been near unbearable. to have the entire order, including snape whom he disliked and mistrusted, hear the kinds of names he’s being called.
not only does he have to deal with the retraumatisation of his childhood, but also the fact that he’s flayed open for everyone to see. it’s not only his freedom, innocence, dignity that has been snatched from him but his privacy also. it’s such a cruel thing to experience, on top of everything else.
to have literal children, his godson who he has been kept away from all this while, whom he presumably wants to be able to look up to him, to have him see into the deepest parts of his soul. to have to be so weak in front of him. not only is he subjected to such vileness but he also cannot do anything about it.
sirius has not had a moment of peace in all the time we knew him. it is indignity upon indignity that is heaped onto him. every other character has gotten a moment of respite but him. it fully breaks my heart.
#sirius black#i am in the mood to sob tonight clearly#i just#was reading a fic#where it recounted walburga ad kreacher’s screams and taunts#and it suddenly hit me how humiliating they are?#like#even if it’s an inanimate object and a house elf#to be called an embarrassment and shame of my flesh and filth#by the only remaining members of your family#and to have it be traced back to your family#to know that your mother was alive but did not care that u were in azkaban#and that everyone else knows it too now#to walk around in every corner of your childhood house and be able to see exactly how u grew up#no boundaries no limits#to have other people keep touching parts of your family with the audacity to throw them out#and move it around#to call your home names#i just. cannot imagine.#the level of helplessness he was operating with#is it really any wonder he was the way he was#hell. he was actually so much better than he should’ve been#lesser men would’ve been catatonic or going off on a rage fuelled warpath#it’s so embarrassing to have your parent even correct u in front of friends sometimes#and to hear all this abuse. shouted at you.#and not one person ever stands up for him#or shows him any empathy#i’m actually amazed that even after all these years i’m able to find new tragedies in sirius life#HAS THAT MAN NOT BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH#pen’s notes
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some louis tomlinsons i never posted ^_^
#louis tomlinson#louisupdates#louisprojectstracks#lfltracks#mindofwalls#tracksintheam#usertomlinsonsource#dailytomlinson#im not Getting his likeness it's making me so insane#does it look like him?!!?!? no but if i caption it louis Then u will know#anyw these r sketches that still look kinda presentable to me#souwee if these look unfinished unpolished it's bc they are shdjdjd#vans louis & chemical formula louis were way back in 2021 (when i first became a fan)#afhf one some time in 2022#all the others were drawn in feb 2023 except the aotv one which was march 2023#aotv being. the one where he's in a suit yup#i wanna practice drawing him some more. ive been practicing when i have time (not a lot) since 2021 basically. he's become my muse kinda !#i need to work on my realism🥲 it's the effect of never ever stanning a real person... so all ive drawn my whole life is anime&cartoons LOL#i have to draw him everyday i wanna like. devote all my free time into getting my fanart of him to look Right#you look like youd be easy to draw BITCH. if that's an insult then saying louis is hard to draw must be high praise!!!!!#ignore the fact that it may be just a skill issue on my end#if you read this far... erm... thanks! rbs are super appreciated thank you! ❤️#my louis#liz.art
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ayoo guess who finally sat down and caught up with cultivate B)
is me. so you know what that means.
spoiler warning for cultivate ch 30-37
there was actually.... more things i wanted to draw but I already did so many I had to physically restrain myself hfsjkkdh anyway yes can you tell i love this fic very much
yet once again. cultivate by the wonderful @neonghostcat
#liushen#cultivate#cultivate: slow life on a monster infested mountain#mu qingfang#tagging him as well since theres lot of focus on him lol#and shen jiu as well u have to excuse me I love them they're meow meows#there was gonna be more sj content also but he ended up being cut in the end#wait- hdfdfhkj probably shouldnt talk about cutting something and SJ in the same sentence lmao jhfksdhfk ok bad joke sorry#anyway aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa absolutely deceased with all that has been revealed and covered in the past few chapter#actually dead wonderful powerful talented incredible showstopping never seen before#my most favourite part of cultive is its mysteries without a shadow of a doubt they're so intriguing and the reveal is ALWAYS sooo satisfyi#so the chain reaction of so many answers of the big ones tm? chefs kiss MWA#speaking of mysteries i never mentioned it before because I didn't know how to incorporate it without it being awkward but#for the longest time one particular piece of info has been rotting in my brain#and it was the off-hand comment on of the aqueduct by LQG#it is SO SILLY but THATS the one that has been just spinning in my brain FROM THEN ON ALL THE TIME it is indeed not the actually much coole#checkovs guns that have been setup nooo it was THIS hjkjsdfhksd I HAD TO KNOW where that was going AND NOW I KNOW I CAN REST EASY jsdhfkd#so yeah absolutely wonderful chapters indeed beautiful powerful#also some of you may noticed that time and time again I keep switching up the seniority between bai zhan and qian cao#and i have to formally apologize for that it is in fact not out of lack of attention to the text I'm just shdjkas#if im not mistaken qian caos position is not set in stone in canon so its free for grabs to put it in any of the free spots on the list#so i should respect neonghostcats (beloved i am so sorry) list in this case but i physically couldn't bring myself to write mqf as shidi#HSAJHS im sorry i am so biased and from doctors family i cannot put him in my head in peak seniority so low I'm sry i am legally not allowe#so lets just pretend i wrote it correctly ok sadhkas eyes closed xD#OOF th etags got long this time but im just SOOOO EXCITED WITH THIS FIC AND GOT FEELINGS OK BYE#anyway neonghostcat godspeed recovery buddy!!#also i hope using neonghostcat isnt like....calling u by your full name hdkfh but no idea to which parts i should shorten it either so hah
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Detroit Become Human and why does this game decide that the problem in society is individual people treating androids poorly because those androids are choking them out of the workforce and NOT the corporations and governments who deliberately designed the androids to do this
#AUGHHGHH#I promise you dbh is still one of my favourite games I really do#But ohhhhhhhjghh my GODDDD it makes me mad#Like ESPECIALLY this year. With artists and writers being so fucked by ai#Like the game has less than no sympathy for people who were screwed over by cyberlife deciding their labour wasn't worth anything#Like everybody has to be a strawman. Everybody has to be the violent 'android bad because (some vague reason that draws on the#'immigrants are stealing our jobs' line despite the fact that these things aren't equivalent at all)#Like yes. Robots being placed in positions where a real human would be paid a real wage to do that job is bad. This is a bad thing#But the game. Does not CARE#It's so morally neutral for cyberlife to be allowed to mass produce androids in the middle of a poverty epidemic that they created#It's fine! Says Detroit Become Human because everyone rendered homeless or struggling by this company's actions is a violent drug addict#Or something#It's like HUH#H U H#This game was so enamoured with it's weird bad civil rights allegory that it forgot that people do actually need jobs to uh. Pay to live#Because things are hell#And I think it could've been SO much better if the game acknowledged this AS WELL as acknowledging that no android chose this#Like a fresh deviant didn't ask to cause a real person to not have a job. The company who made them did#But dbh doesn't care. Cyberlife is morally neutral in this. I swear#Loses my mind this game is such a mess#Uhhh if anyone's reading this please don't get mad at me I promise I do really love this game. Like this game is the reason I#Met the love of my life. I am physically incapable of hating this game#I just think it's so worth discussing the ways it fails in (what I think is) a constructive manner#detroit become human#game analysis#I guess#If anyone has any contributions or disagrees with me I would LOVE love to hear. Genuinely I love talking about things like this#Essay in tags
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georgia focused in on every move the woman was making, tuned in to every creak of the floor as she approached. this one was going to be fun to play with, the innocence emitting from her was intoxicating. "don't be sorry." she corrected, a warm hand coming up to take one of elle's in her own. georgia had always been fascinated by humans - how soft they were, how malleable. this one was no different. idly turning elle's hand in her own, georgia's nails lightly scratched her inner wrist as she spoke.
"surely you remember the incantation you cast yesterday, no?" granted, for anyone on set, the words in question were just throwaway lines that went unresearched in the writers' room. for georgia, they were a beckoning, especially when spoken with truth by this naive thing. in front of a camera or not, it made no difference to the demon. "and surely you don't go around reciting greek prose that you don't know or mean. you called me here to take what's mine. do i need to spell it out for you?"
elle immediately thought that perhaps she’d gotten a little too drunk at the party last night and that she’d accidentally invited someone over without remembering. after all, the woman on her bed seemed like the kind of woman the blonde would see from across the room and then pine over all night without having the nerve to make a move. that was the part that confused her. she’d never ever built up the courage to show her interest in anyone at all. her cast-mates were making fun of her for it – of course she was perfectly fit to play the final girl when she was still a virgin at twenty-three. "sorry," she said softly, approaching the bed. she wasn’t sure if she should stand or sit – so she opted for standing until the green-eyed woman explained herself. "i don’t mean to be rude, but i’m just a little confused…"
#c:georgia#bowiepens#omg#may have screamed just a lil seeing this this am#where have u been all my life#georgia x elle
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GUESS WHO I'M DRAWING NOOOOWWWWW~!!!!
#the angle is SO. WEIRD for the clothes lmao#it's actually fucking me up lol#i love this silly little guy#he's full of whimsy and murderous intent! /silly#i love how he IMMEDIATELY went to brag about his INSANE grinding for the enchanting skill to tubbo???? great. 10/10 no notes#you can HEAR he was having THE TIME of HIS LIFE with tub tub's reactions lmfaooo#also the fact he's planning to make everyone compete on like. saw type shit /silly to get RIDICULOUSLY OP gear is SO him...#i automatically thought “oh so he REALLY liked the idea of The Peace Trials huh?” lmaoo#currently laying down bc my back hurts/is bothering me like a 5 year old asking if u have games on ur phone :((((#(I've been sitting on my pc drawing for most of the day lol)#anyway#demon shares wips™#clownpierce#the realm smp#the realm fanart#clownpierce fanart#trsmp#trsmp fanart#i have SUCH ideas for the other ppl btw....#idk if I'll make them like. permanent designs???? (besides clown ofc) but i WILL try them out bc it'll be fun!#they're my barbie dolls and I'm dressing them up for my tea party aight?#ALL of the trsmp design I'll make WILL be based off wadanohara and the great blue sea btw#bc i can#and it's fun#im thinking#foolish as mikotsuhime. pangi as regular wadda. bad as either totsusahime or chlomaki. hannah as tatsumiya. tubbo as uomihime#phil as laurentia. sneeg as adauchi. whoever tf else was in their initial trio as ver million#MMmMmMmMmmMmmMMmMmMmnMMmMMMm idk where i can fit roscumber as clown's apprentice. might shuffle things around for that.......#hm.#honestly i can make tommy as chlomaki and charlie as lobco ngl. that could work.......
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#hi it’s been a while#enjoying the cream pencil brush. where have u been all my life.#nier gestalt#bookdad
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hm. so it turns out I've been using the rocket launcher wrong in hl2. you're supposed to point the laser where the rocket needs to go... 🤯
no wonder I was struggling so hard with the gunships and striders on my first playthrough skjdjdsk
#half life#half life 2#artemis rambles#idk where maybe in the documentary or somewhere else I heard that the rocket flies where you point the laser at?#idk how I missed this on my first playthrough. i struggled so hard with the parts in nova prospekt and city 17#where u have to shoot down gunships and striders. man. listening comprehension 100#been replaying hl2 on my steam deck and JESUS CHRIST why do the gyro controls fuck up every time i start the game?!#i have to recalibrate them all the time#i wanted to add a clip of me drawing a dick with the rocket launcher in the sky btw. but it took too long to upload from the deck 2 my phone#also uploading videos on tumblr is a pain anyway kdjsjs#okay rant over bye
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I can indeed feel all the kisses
All over my body
I LOVE U TOO GHOSTY BBY
💌 Send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome.💌
roe i love you so much i love you so fuckin much i’m giving you so many kisses can you sense all my kisses over this screen rn??
and did i mention i love you? cause i doooooo
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years ago kim cattrall did an interview and said that she doesn’t want to be in a situation for even an hour where she doesn’t enjoy herself and i was journaling this morning and thinking of it bc she is so correct for this
#ofc that doesn’t include the shit we HAVE to do but there is so much power in knowing the value of ur own free time#like maybe being busier like i have been has helped shift my perspective but like i get so little true frolic time to be creative and have#fun and write and socialize and do all that stuff that i love doing that it’s shocking to think that there was a time where i spent#precious minutes and hours of my life my free time that belongs to me absolutely sick with worry#worried about what other people think worried about not being good enough worried about how im perceived#worried about what I don’t know like do not ever put yourself in a situation where you aren’t enjoying yourself for even ONE hour if u have#the choice#valuing yourself and your time is like the most gentle act of self care there is
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3#i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai#after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where#it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.
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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently
#anti rtd#oomfs ur so right#s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was#and yet#you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow#is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism#like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT#and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear#its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO#it must be studied#but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does#not ooc at allllll#bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys#dont you know it#i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers#rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development#ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though#15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac#god i just remembered the whole real mum antics#fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts#idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting#which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo#but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve#i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking#sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away
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