#where child sans has a crush but grows up

[cjhern1109]

You know I still find it hilariously funny that my introduction to Frans was actually through a Soriel Undertale compilation on YouTube.

Like, I still remember two comics from that video, one of them being the AU, Aftertale, and the other one being a child Sans having a crush on Queen Toriel and meeting again, older by the Ruin’s closed gates…

It’s so strange to me that my curiosity of who are they and what was their relationship led me to a more Frans centric compilation. Then, BOOM, it was love at first sight.

Idk why I wanted to share that, but I guess, that’s why I’m mindful of Soriel and their shippers. Internally grateful that I discovered Frans because of them, even if it was accidental 😅

[jeridandridge]

Happy Haunts

Melissa Schemmenti is a tough cookie. Until she watches a horror movie.

When you got to work on this particular stormy Halloween you didn’t expect to run around the entire school looking for a child dressed as Thanos, but here you are dressed in your best Captain Carter costume going through the halls with Melissa.

“Okay this stagnant chocolate smell is making me wanna barf.” You groan bringing your arm up to cover your nose.

“This kid thrives on chaos that’s for damn sure.” The redhead nods eyeing you slyly. Your toned arms were on full display in your tight shirt, the material complimenting your body well. “So, what are your plans for tonight, Cap?”

Chuckling you glance at the scarlet witch with a smile. “Well, I’m third wheeling with Jacob and Zach. We’re going to a haunt and I’m almost certain Jacob will run out. What are your Halloween plans with Mr. Year round candy guy?”

Having a crush on a coworker was hard, but it made it even more difficult knowing she was dating someone, especially a guy that was so irritatingly nice like Gary.

Melissa chuckles, immediately sobering at your question. “Gary? He’s a nice guy, but it didn’t work out.” She shrugs.

“Oh.” Is all you can say. That was new information and you felt bad for thinking it, but you were glad it hadn’t worked out between the two. Maybe you could grow some guts and finally ask the redhead out.

After following trails of candy wrappers and chocolate baby Thanos is found by Chad, and his reign of terror over Abbott is finished. Now in the break room after dismissal you sit with your plastic shield on the table with a cup of coffee in hand watching the rain splatter the window.

“Hey Captain,” Melissa gets your attention, purse slung over her shoulder, “How’s about you let the scaredy cats go to the haunted house and you come get scared with me?”

“Are you calling yourself scary, Mel? ‘Cause I don’t buy it.” You tease grabbing your own bags ready to leave. The idea of spending more time outside of work with Melissa had your heart fluttering in your ribcage. The little crush you had since you started teaching at Abbott went from a spark to a roaring fire fast, and now, thanks to class prep and staff meetings. it may be time to act.

“We can hand out candy and watch something scary.” Crimson lips turn into a smile that you’ve only ever seen on the Cheshire Cat.

“What kind of wine should I bring?”

“Red, six o’clock. Don’t be late.” She shoots you a smile over her shoulder.

She might as well be a real witch with the hold she has on you already. In the couple hours you had between work and Melissa’s, you went home to freshen up, opting to stay in your costume for now and being a change of clothes for later just in case the night went late.

At six o’clock on the dot you knock on the paper ghost covered door with a bottle of red wine in gloved hand, chuckling at the sound of scared squeals from kids down the street. “Let me in there’s monsters out here!” You joke.

When the door opens Melissa’s there in all her scarlet witch glory sans her boots. Taking in the sight you can’t help but smile. “Oh my god, Mel.” You laugh adoringly. “Without the boots you’re just adorable. You don’t have the threatening witch look.”

The redhead rolls her eyes adoringly opening the door wider. “Quiet, muscles. I’m giving my feet a break before the kids start coming.”

Following her in you close the door kicking your boots off already enjoying the warmth and smell of the house.

“What’s that smell? My mouth is watering.”

Cape flowing behind her the redhead goes to the oven letting out a wave of warm air as she pulls out a pan of pizza.

“Margherita mozzarel.” She smiles sliding the colorful pizza onto the wooden tray.

You shake your head with a smile moving to wash your hands at the sink. “How did you manage that in just two hours?”

“Magic, hon.” She winks rotating the tray as she cuts into the dough, your breath catching in your throat.

“Where are your glasses?” You hum reaching for the wine bottle trying to distract yourself.

“Right here,” her voice is soft, her hand even softer as she holds onto your arm to reach past you to the cupboard. Bringing two glasses out between her fingers Melissa smiles setting them on the counter beside you. It’s like she was doing it on purpose.

Dinner eaten and two glasses of wine in, you and Melissa are chuckling away on the front porch handing candy out to the kids. When you see her shiver slightly from the cool air, you wrap your arm around her shoulders gently running your thumb over her skin. “These rugrats are slowing down, feel like going back in?” You ask knowing she has a movie planned.

“Yeah,” Melissa smiles warmly at you, standing up with an empty candy bowl. “Let’s see how long you can last.”

Your breath catches in your throat, eyes wide as you duck your head, all of a sudden very worried about tripping as you follow her into the house.

“You know, these movies can get scary.” She teases you.

“Yeah,” you chuckle nervously, “yeah, movies.”

As you change out of your costume in Melissa’s bathroom, you lean against the door taking a breath. She was teasing you, that’s all it was. You two were having a fun night as friends. Clad in your sweatpants and a Flyers t-shirt you meet Melissa back in the dim living room chuckling when you see what’s ready to go on tv.

“This all you got Schemmenti?” You tease sitting next to her, Laurie strode paused on the tv screen.

“Hey, Michael is horrifying okay.” She argues sprinkling the flavor seasoning over her popcorn.

“There’s no way you’re afraid of these movies, Mel.”

“I’m not,” she scoffs playing it off, patting the cushion next to her, “I’m thinking about you. Now sit your cute ass down.”

Rolling your eyes you sit shoulder to shoulder as the eerie music starts, smiling when you catch Melissa looking at you.

“Watch the movie, scaredy cat.” You whisper reaching over for a piece of popcorn.

As the movie continues you both move slowly, fingers reaching into the popcorn bowl cautiously as the stormy night on the tv screen unsettles you. When a thud comes through the speakers Melissa flinches almost dropping the bowl.

“Dolce Gesú!” She lets out in Italian looping her arm with yours. Pink nails dig into the skin of your forearm making you hum in protest. Slowly pulling away you reach back wrapping your arm around her shoulders instead holding her close. Smelling the wine mixed with her make up from the day you can’t help but smile.

The Halloween classic continues, and at some point you end up laying on the couch, Melissa practically on top of you with her face hidden in your neck.

“You can’t have sex while a killers on the loose!” Her muffled voice comes out, soft breath against your skin making you laugh.

“They’re horny teenagers, Mel they didn’t get the memo.”

Throughout the rest of the movie Melissa plays peek a boo with the screen, using you as a human shield. Eventually your hand finds her back. Fingers moving lazily against the warm fabric you sigh contently enjoying this feeling, grateful that Melissa is comfortable enough to be this vulnerable with you. Before you know it, the eerie piano plays again as Melissa rests her chin on your shoulder meeting your eyes.

“I have a confession to make, hon.”

“What’s that?” You ask quietly, a dazed smile that you couldn’t help on your lips.

“I’m not afraid of scary movies.”

Taken aback for a moment you look into jade eyes, pupils dilated and looking at you with nothing but pure admiration.

“You- so this-“ you stammer, a soft chuckle rumbling in Melissa’s chest you can feel against your body.

Resting her hand on your hip the redhead tips her head up kissing your cheek.

“You’ll figure it out, hon.”

Mind going a mile a minute you lay there stunned until you feel her lips on your cheek. “Wait, Was this a date?” You ask quirking a brow feeling totally stupid.

Melissa smiles moving to hover over you.

“I thought it was. Do you want it to be?”

Instead of saying anything, you sit up, hands on the older woman’s hips as you lean in placing a soft kiss to her lips. It doesn’t turn into anything else then, you both exploring new ground cautiously, hands moving slowly until your arms are around her waist.

“You could’ve asked me out.” You chuckle keeping your arms around her. “You didn’t have to act scared over a movie.”

The redhead playfully rolls her eyes gently cupping your cheek.

“Not that I’m complaining.” You lean in nuzzling your nose against hers.

There’s a comfortable moment of silence at the simple action, Melissa’s fingers playing with your hair.

“Alright, hon. How’s about we go on a real date this weekend?” She suggests.

Smiling softly you nod keeping your hands on her hips.

“It’s a date.”

[alice-ness]

*holding my hands out aggressively*

GIVE ME THE HEADCANONS

Please I am so content starved it is not even funny, I want the hight school headcanons PLEASE

I love all of them but it I had to chose for only a few I would say gimme Chip and Leaf please

Also I like that one fic u have with Logainne, and Chip, and Leaf, it's really awesome, I'm that one person who commented begging you to please continue the fic and not drop it

K that's it, hope u have a good day byeeeeee

:p

hi!!! tysm for asking here's highschool headcanons for chip and leaf! ((and sorry it took a while) 🙏🙏 ALSO im so glad u like the fic i will try to finish it but it might be a little while #busybee

in this au they all are in similar grades bc i thought abt trying to make it work in canon but it just doesn't rip

chip tolentino

- goes to highschool with marcy, leaf, and marigold

- yes he is incredibly tortured by seeing her all the time lol

- in his freshman year he had a random slump and kind of just did nothing and sulked around all the time (post child boy scout burnout/gifted kid burnout)

- like his grades were... whatever but he didn't talk to anyone and didn't do any extra curriculars

- his parents got tired of him being so suddenly lethargic-teenager so they made him join track

- he's actually really good at it, and eventually (not freshman year but eventually) he's semipopular in an awkward way where people know him but he doesn't TALK to all those people

- does really embarrassing dares with his track teammates. He's not necessarily pressured so much as he gets really into it in the moment LOL

- i put this in the fic but he ran into leaf at a club fair and they hang out now lol

- and leaf hangs out with logainne so he started hanging out with logainne

- and he has some classes with marcy and they were both in a school-rut so they bonded

- wasn't for a while that leaf naturally got the whole spelling bee group hanging out together but that was incredibly weird for chip ... bc... it's kind of weird in general

- especially hanging with barfee but they make up and they're homies (who play argue and play brawl)

- had to do a creative writing unit and discovered he's really good at that too but he's kinda embarrassed about it

- he likes like typical story writing and also nostalgic poems but he's even more embarrassed about that

- he and olive once made eye contact at a creative writing contest he went to without telling anyone and now she wards his secret

- one summer marcy got really into skateboarding and chip tried it out too to be supportive but he ate shit every. Single. time.

- chip learned to drive his junior year and really wanted a sports car but he got a shitty hand me down dad car

- one time marcy called him like "hey can you pick me up" nd he was like "from where" and she's like. "from san francisco?'

- bro how did u even get there

- he does it anyway tho

- they're like besties and they go on a lot of late night snack missions

- if they watch scary movies he will be screaming and crying and she'll be like "oh my god pay attention"

- has a crush on like every single girl he talks to

- sometimes they overlap with logainne's crushes and it's very awkward, especially bc he listens to her disaster lesbian rants at every sleepover

- he grows a really shitty puberty stache he's very proud of and EVERYONE (minus leaf who is unconditionally supportive) BEGS him to shave it

- his dad sits him down like Son. What are you doing.

- ramen and hotpockets diet (if he wanted to cook he'd be good at it tho)

- also this is just me projecting but he's filipino cuz i say so (and my word is law bc it's AAPI month /j)

- 5'5 forever... he constantly prays it'll change

- is really good at dioramas

- goes to school dances to complain in the corner the whole time about the music and the food

- could be misconstrued as mysterious but he's just awkward

- most indecisive person of all time and makes it everyone else's problem

leaf coneybear

- not ALL of his siblings made the switch to public school for high school but some did, including marigold (and pinecone who is older than them)

- it was a hard switch but it doesn't take long to find his crowd bc he's a naturally charismatic person

- his crowd is theater kids. he really loves improv and straight plays, he loves musicals too but he doesn't have great rhythm LOL

- he also LOVES helping make costumes, and in junior/senior year he's on the board

- still likes to make some of his own clothes

- was always tall for his age but had a growth spurt before freshman year and he's like. 6'1 LOL he's a stringbean

- sneaks both his cats and logainne into his school

- yes admin is tired but damn are his cats cute

- logainne is his best friend for literal life they are inseparable and will find any reason to hang out

- kind of an energy drink addict (they're not allowed in his house but he WILL drink too many anywhere else if u don't watch out and then crash and feel sick)

- (sidenote he HAS calmed down some but he can still be distractable and is still rlly high energy. Some days he takes to just completely slow down and veg out tho which is nice) (like pretty much he just won't stomp around and roar or whatever in the middle of sentences like in im not that smart 😭)

- on the complete opposite end of that he's also an organic fruit smoothie addict

- he also loves to bake and he's REALLY good at it but his younger siblings aren't allowed sugar so he will spontaneously get a bunch of ingredients and then show up at his friends' houses late at night to borrow their kitchen

- he tries to "spread the love" by doing this equally at all his friends places

- olive is his #1 baking buddy tho!

- also speaking of siblings he's the best older brother ever and he doesnt really like to be home but he'll spend time with his siblings

- .... his parents just keep havin babies

- anyway he's not as good at cooking bc it bores him so he'll get distracted and let things burn whoops

- tons of sleepovers at logainnes he's like a son to her dads

- gets a giant van to drive all his friends around in, it's decked out

- fixes holes in his friends clothes

- they all have a million friendship bracelets bc he just gets sappy and makes more or forgets he made one

- keeps everything ever given to him

- loves interactive science museums where u get to touch stuff more than ANYYYYTHIIIING. He will get lost in the dino bones

- and loves nature and hikes but mainly to look at bugs

- is the king of poster projects in class

- wasn't allowed to watch horror movies as a kid so logainne showed him some classic his freshman year and he literally couldn't sleep for a week but now he likes them, just mostly the campy stuff

- so stuff like little shop, rocky horror, r his the musicals bc it's cheesy campy horror AND theater!

- also first got social media like freshman/sophomore year and he just posts poorly taken pictures and occasionally answers his friends dms

- junior year on, a good amount of his theater peers develop like silly little crushes on him but he's completely oblivious and chip is just so jealous bc he gets no bitches

- he's the glue of the 25th annual kids bc he sort of just naturally started hanging out w them individually again and was like Oh shit why don't we all just hang out

- he is the only person marcy will cuddle

- (on that note he's the group teddy bear)

[cowplant-pizza]

sim requests for @opalias !

meet the clarke family

louis clarke:

age - 20 traits - perfectionist, ambitious, loyal aspiration - academic occupation - student & barista background - louis grew up as a child genius. he was the son of two professors and excelled in all of his studies due to his parents continuous support with his school work (although he didn't need their help most of the time). louis doesn't have many friends as he comes across as quite snobby and mean, but he's actually a total sweetheart. he treasures his close friends! although louis is incredibly smart, there is one thing he doesn't know: what he wants to do with his life. he has many niche hobbies like photography, skiing, the violin and programming, but non pique his interest enough to pursue them as a career. it's time for him to enrol in university and begin his young adulthood! louis has decided to study *redacted* at university, and will work part time at the local bookstore come cafe, where he has a serious crush on the manager!

beatrice clarke

age - 49 traits - perfectionist, genius, outgoing aspiration - friend of the world occupation - retired (psychiatrist, psychology professor) background - growing up in a wealthy family, beatrice was given an edge over her fellow students in reaching her goals: money. she wasn't happy about the influence her family held over the town and so left them and never looked back at 18. she excelled in university and got her dream job of being a psychologist. however after 10 years in the field, she decided to change her field of work and become a professor of the subject to help teach sims in university. this is where she met her husband georgio, where they fell madly in love and married only 5 months after meeting. in her spare time, beatrice loves to throw parties for her friends.

georgio clarke

age - 51 traits - geek, loner, family oriented aspiration - super parent occupation - programming professor background - georgio's family were initially from sulani, but he moved to san myshuno to study and become a professor of programming. after not being interested in meeting any women and pursing a relationship for the first 25 years of his life, he finally met beatrice when she started working at the same university that he did. he worships her and the ground she walks on, and loves his little son so so much. although georgio prefers his own company, and because of beatrice's background, they aren't short on money, he continues to work as he enjoys teaching the students. in his spare time, georgio might hack into some government files and snoop around, but you didn't hear that from me

bean

age - 4 breed - labrador traits - smart, loyal, friendly background - bean was put up for adoption at 6 months old after her owner realised why it was so hard to train her: she is a deaf blind dog! at age 16, louis saw her on simstagram, and being the ambitious young boy he was, begged his parents to let him have her and to learn with her and train her for small competitions. he wanted to show the world that just because she had some disabilities, it wouldn't stop her from doing anything that other dogs could do too!

this request is public, so everyone can download them...

here (simfileshare / no adfly)

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Convicted monopolist prevented from re-offending

This Sunday (Apr 30) at 2PM, I’ll be at the San Francisco Public Library with my new book, Red Team Blues, hosted by Annalee Newitz.

In blocking Microsoft’s acquisition of Activision-Blizzard, the UK Competition and Markets Authority has made history: they have stepped in to prevent a notorious, convicted monopolist from seizing control over a nascent, important market (cloud gaming), ignoring the transparent, self-serving lies Microsoft told about the merger:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/644939aa529eda000c3b0525/Microsoft_Activision_Final_Report_.pdf

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/27/convicted-monopolist/#microsquish

Cloud gaming isn’t really a thing right now, but it might be. That was Microsoft’s bet, anyway, as it plonked down $69b to acquire Activision-Blizzard — a company that shouldn’t exist, having been formed out of a string of grossly anticompetitive mergers that were waved through.

Activision-Blizzard is a poster-child for the failures of antitrust law over the past 40 years, a period in which monopolies were tolerated and even encouraged by the agencies that were supposed to prevent monopolies from forming and break up the ones that slipped past their defenses. Activision-Blizzard is a giant, moribund company whose “innovation” consists of endless sequels to its endless sequels, whose market power allows it to crush its workers while starving competitors of market oxygen, ensuring that gamers and game workers have nowhere else to go.

Microsoft is another one of those poster-children, of course. After being convicted of antitrust violations, the company dragged out the legal process until George W Bush stole the presidency and decided not to pursue them any further, letting them wriggle off the hook.

The antitrust rough ride tamed Microsoft…for a while. The company did not use the same dirty tricks to destroy, say, Google as it had used against Netscape. But in the years since, Microsoft has demonstrated that it regrets nothing about its illegal conduct and has no hesitations about repeating that conduct.

This is especially true of cloud computing, where Microsoft is using exclusivity deals and illegal “tying” (forcing customers to use a product they don’t want in order to use a product they desire) to lock customers into its cloud offering:

https://www.reuters.com/technology/google-says-microsofts-cloud-practices-anti-competitive-slams-deals-with-rivals-2023-03-30/

Locking customers into Microsoft’s cloud also means locking customers into Microsoft surveillance. Microsoft’s cloud products spy in ways that are extreme even by the industry’s very low standards. Office 365 isn’t just a version of Office that you never stop paying for — it’s a version of Office that never stops spying on you, and selling the data to your competitors:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/25/the-peoples-amazon/#clippys-revenge

Microsoft’s Activision acquisition was entirely cloud-driven. The company clearly believes the pundits who say that the future of gaming is in the cloud: rather than playing on a device with the power to handle all the fancy graphics and physics, you’ll use a low-powered device that streams you video from a server in the cloud that’s doing all the heavy lifting.

If cloud gaming comes true (a big if, considering the dismal state of broadband, another sector that’s been enshittified and starved by monopolists), then Microsoft owning the Xbox platform, the Windows OS, and the Game Pass subscription service already poses a huge risk that the company could grow to dominate the sector. Throw in Activision-Blizzard and the future starts to look very grim indeed.

It’s a nakedly anticompetitive merger. As Mark Zuckerberg unwisely wrote in an internal memo, “it is better to buy than to compete.”

(These guys can not stop incriminating themselves. FTX got mocked for its group-chat called “Wirefraud,” but come on, every tech baron has a folder on their desktop called “mens rea” full of files with names like “premeditation-11.docx.”)

Naturally, the FTC sued to stop the merger (after 40 years, the FTC has undergone a revolution under chair Lina Khan and is actually protecting the American people from monopoly):

https://www.vice.com/en/article/ake97g/ftc-sues-to-block-microsoft-acquisition-of-call-of-duty-publisher-activision-blizzard

The FTC was always in for an uphill battle. “Cloud gaming,” the market it is seeking to defend from monopolization, doesn’t really exist yet, and enforcing US antitrust law against monopolies over existent things is hard enough, thanks to all those federal judges who attended luxury junkets where billionaire-friendly “economists” taught them that monopolies were “efficient”:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/13/post-bork-era/#manne-down

But the FTC isn’t the only cop on the beat. Antitrust is experiencing a global revival, from the EU to China, Canada to Australia, and South Korea to the UK, where the Competition and Markets Authority is kicking all kinds of arse (see also: “ass”). The CMA is arguably the most technically proficient competition regulator in the world, thanks to the Digital Markets Unit (DMU), a force of over 50 skilled engineers who produce intensely detailed, amazingly sharp reports on how tech monopolies work and what to do about them.

The CMA is very interested in cloud gaming. Late last year, they released a long, detailed report into the state of browser engines on mobile phones, seeking public comment on whether these should be regulated to encourage web-apps (which can be installed without going through an app store) and to pave the way for cloud gaming:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/13/kitbashed/#app-store-tax

The CMA is especially keen on collaboration with its overseas colleagues. Its annual conference welcome enforcers from all over the world, and its Digital Markets Unit is particularly important in these joint operations. You see, while Parliament appropriated funds to pay those 50+ engineers, it never passed the secondary legislation needed to grant the DMU any enforcement powers. But the DMU isn’t just sitting around waiting for Parliament to act — rather, it produces these incredible investigations and enforcement roadmaps, and releases them publicly.

This turns out to be very important in the EU, where the European Commission has very broad enforcement powers, but very little technical staff. The Commission and the DMU have become something of a joint venture, with the DMU setting up the cases and the EU knocking them down. It’s a very heartwarming post-Brexit story of cross-Channel collaboration!

And so Microsoft’s acquisition is dead (I mean, they say they’ll appeal, but that’ll take months, and the deal with Activision will have expired in the meantime, and Microsoft will have to pay Activision a $3 billion break-up fee):

https://mattstoller.substack.com/p/big-tech-blocked-microsoft-stopped

This is good news for gaming, for games workers, and for gamers. Microsoft was and is a rotten company, even by the low standards of tech giants. Despite the sweaters and the charity (or, rather, “charity”) Bill Gates is a hardcore ideologue who wants to get rid of public education and all other public goods:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/13/public-interest-pharma/#gates-foundation

Microsoft has a knack for nurturing and promoting absolutely terrible people, like former CEO Steve Ballmer, who has played a starring role in Propublica’s IRS Files, thanks to the bizarre tax-scams he’s pioneered:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/24/tax-loss-harvesting/#mego

So yeah, this is good news: Microsoft should have been broken up 25 years ago, and we should not allow it to buy its way to ongoing dominance today. But it’s also good news because of the nature of the enforcement: the CMA defended an emerging market, to prevent monopolization.

That’s really important: monopolies are durable. Once a monopoly takes root, it becomes too big to fail and too big to jail. That’s how IBM outspend the entire Department of Justice Antitrust Division every year for twelve years during a period they call “Antitrust’s Vietnam”:

https://onezero.medium.com/jam-to-day-46b74d5b1da4

Preventing monopoly formation is infinitely preferable to breaking up monopolies after they form. That’s why the golden age of trustbusting (basically, the period starting with FDR and ending with Reagan) saw action against “incipient” monopolies, where big companies bought lots of little companies.

When we stopped worrying about incipiency, we set the stage for today’s Private Equity “rollups,” where every funeral home, or veterinarian, or dentists’ practice is bought out by a giant PE fund, who ruthlessly enshittify it, slashing wages, raising prices, stiffing suppliers and reducing quality:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/16/schumpeterian-terrorism/#deliberately-broken

Limiting antitrust enforcement to policing monopolies after they form has been an absolute failure. The CMA knows that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure — indeed, we all do.

From Apr 26–28, Barnes and Noble is offering a 25% discount on preorders for my upcoming novels (use discount code PREORDER25): The Lost Cause (Nov 2023) and The Bezzle (Red Team Blues #2) (Feb 2024).

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Mountain View, Berkeley, San Francisco, Portland, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: A promotional image from the Call of Duty franchise featuring a soldier in a skull-mask gaiter giving a thumbs up on a battlefield. It has been altered so that he is giving a thumbs-down gesture. Superimposed on the image is a modified Microsoft 'Clippy' popup; Clippy's speech-bubble has been filled with grawlix characters; the two dialog-box options both read 'No.']

Image: Microsoft, Activision (fair use)

[the-writing-mobster]

were there any fic ideas you never ended up writing that you regret not doing?

also, do you have any other undertale ships? {:

Ah! Thank you for the ask dear heart! Let's see...

Of course I have fics that are still deep in my drafts, and I also have a few unfinished fics currently published ON Ao3.

I don't really regret not publishing certain fics because it's not really a matter of if more than it is a matter of when. A few of these old ideas just need way more fleshing out and just aren't ready for the limelight.

And that "not if but when" mindset is carried over to my unfinished fics as well, like Baby Face and YWIW.

They'll eventually be completed. (Although tbh, I'm not so sure about ywiw now, may have to go and really take a good long look at that one and the goals I want to achieve with it. For YWIW, I guess I regret some of the choices I made with Frisk's character arc. Like I accidentally walked back on things that I shouldn't have. Sequels are hard, y'all.)

—

Now for my other UT ships? Hmmmm...

I'm gonna come out the gate swinging and say that I, first and foremost do not ship Asgore and Toriel. I think their dynamic is more interesting as a divorced couple. Boom. That'll stir the pot some.

(I have a lot of weird UT ships tbh)

Now, moving on to what I actually ship:

Asriel x Papyrus / Papsriel / Boneblossom

This stems more from how I wrote their dynamic in wdyw part 4 + ywiw. See, when Frisk and Sans are off doing hard main character work, Papyrus and Asriel were alone together a lot, working through both of their collective daddy issues together (their fathers were big ole villains and they were consoling each other about their relationships with their fathers, it was actually very sweet) Ergo, I began to ship.

But also, if you look at the game, there are instances of Asriel and Papyrus befriending, and Asriel manipulating him, or growing fond of Papyrus in his own way as Flowey. Yeah there's the problem of "well technically Asriel is a child!" Which like... Okay, he's also dead and immortal at the same time. In wdyw he died at an older age so... 🤷🏻‍♀️ It depends on where you take the story. I could also just ship them platonically. So yeah!

Undyne x Alphys / Alphyne

This one is obvious. They're canon. They're beautiful. I love gay people. I love lesbians. I am a gay people. I am a lesbian. I love them.

Also, low-key, I also just like to explore more of their dynamic than just lovey dovey sapphic stuff. The highs and the lows. And they're perfect to do that with.

Nick x Sans / Nicecream Guy x Sans

This one is unorthodox, but it's because of Baby Face. They're so gay in that fic like it's unbelievable. If not Sans, then definitely Nick. Like they've definitely explored each other's bodies at least once.

Also in wdyw, they have a more complex, complicated friendship since they're more like long lost friends, and the whole "you betrayed our ideals by joining Asgore's military" and Nick "you joined a rebellion that will never win, you've doomed yourself to martyrdom." Sans saving Nick from prison & the purge, ugh, they're so complex, I love em!

Nick is definitely gay. I know we were pushing for Alick but honestly... That boy is gay. And I really believe that. I think the only better pairing for him would be Napstablook, or... And I guess I'll concede to years of shipping before me... Burgerpants/Bryan. Because Bryan has that like, newly joined rebellion, starry eyes, just found out his crush was brutally murdered by one of Muffet's assassins, etc, and then there's Nick, shining hero of the revolution. I think it could work really well.

Muffet x Toriel / Muffriel / Spiderscotch

Bro even the name screams lesbian, wtf? This is like Everlark's alternative ship name being peenis.

BRO THEY LIVE IN THE RUINS TOGETHER, MUFFET SET UP SHOP IN THE RUINS. TORIEL BAKES PIES AND MUFFET BAKES FUCKED UP SPIDER DONUTS. THEY'RE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. (And I'm purely talking about classic, but who's to say that wdyw Muffet wasn't sneaking into the queen's chambers after killing her own husband and poisoning Toriel's daughter right under her nose? UGH THE DRAMA!!!!)

Ugh, I love my gay ships.

Anyway, Toriel is the sweet, albeit very flawed, old money, cottage core wife, and Muffet is the manipulative, borderline Machiavellian, macabre, new money, goth wife and they're PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. I've never been more serious in my life.

Anyway, those are my UT ships that are not Frans. Don't come for me, I know they're unconventional (except for Alphyne) but I love them each dearly.

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Old pencil drawing I did:

[skelekins]

Jewel - Swapfell Facet Papyrus

Reposting from SkelekinsOld. I've been wanting to talk about him and his bro for a bit. Fun Fact: before Moss & Mycelum I was going to have my first fic star Jewel (and may still do that one).

I don't have his bro done but Im going to post up his first concepts.

Quick Info:

LVL causes monsters to grow in his home. Jewel's refusal to hurt others resulted in him being extremely small compared to other monsters.

Him and his brother have a close relationship with Muffet referring to her as Big Sis. This relationship extends to Muffet's spiders who Jewel enjoys hanging out with since a lot of them are also unleveled.

Doesn't use magic attacks. Instead sets traps which is easier for him to do. Attack magic is physically painful for him. He gets around using blue-attacks with the notion that he is not trying to cause harm but instead stop his opponent so he can flee.

Right socket will bleed purple with magic use (even slight). Has a stained silk handkerchief gifted from Muffet to clean up.

Plays a kazoo like a troll

Due to stunted growth his magic is irregular, especially if he uses it. Crushed green magic helps him regulate it without his body tearing itself apart. He bonds with his bro through rolling his weekly supply.

All fire in the underground is controlled by Grillby (Magby). Lighters are too expensive so he uses Firefly Matches.

He's never been farther than Waterfall (general story takes place before Final Child. By time of Final Child he would be Judge and have met the Queen.)

Collared by his brother - Collar is multifunctional. Its locked with a jewel crafted directly from brother's magic. The collar allows his brother to maintain a perimeter of surveillance around Papyrus to keep him safe. Others can feel if they enter the "danger zone." If Papyrus needs him Sans can access Papyrus' shortcuts through the collar to shortcut to him. Sans cannot shortcut on his own.

Papyrus' is skilled with shortcuts. Its not uncommon for him to make many quick shortcuts in a panic or to scout distances. Panic would see him shortcuttng around a room/area like a bouncy ball to search for an escape. He still has to either see or know where he’s going -> so the mini shortcuts can help him to pre-scout and also scale things like trees. Watching him is probabaly aimiliar to seeing a skipping stone.

Their underground lacks in precious metals resulting in use of crystal instead. As a nod to Cash/Money; Jewels is named after their worlds currency - jewels. (I imagine gems shaped like different sided dice with a hole in the center to hang on a string. The different shapes would help those who can't see).

Jewel is inspired by KH_Swapfell and Cash/Money

[sin-cognito]

Rarepair New Year 2024 ch8: Sans/Error, Bad bro AU

SFW

Wordcount: 2932

Error has been checking on the original universe a lot lately.

READ ON AO3

Error has been checking on the original universe a lot lately.

He usually doesn't pay it much attention anymore, what with being busy keeping up with the new alternate universes that are born everyday and are invading the story. His hatred for each and every one of them hasn't wavered since the day he was born, and it's a daily struggle to destroy them enough that they cannot be resurrected.

He remembers how he used to check on Undertale all the time back in the day, when he could count the number of alternate universes on the fingers of one hand. Things were simpler back then, and he misses that time when he could take a peek at Undertale and marvel at the happy faces of his beloved original characters.

They're all treasures to him. Toriel, Papyrus, Grillby, the dog, Asgore, Temmie, Alphys and Undyne…

Sans.

Sans is special. He's always been, for Error anyway. He's a part of him, but also not. Being nothing but a string of coding in a simulation, Error doesn't believe in any deity, but if he had to, he'd choose Sans. That's how important the skeleton is to Error.

Call it a crush, Error doesn't mind. He's given up a long time ago putting words onto the adoration he feels for Sans. Sans is special to him and that's all that matters.

Error has always taken great pleasure observing Sans. He never interracts, rarely even pays Undertale an actually visit because even when he does, he needs to stay hidden and make sure no one sees him. They're not aware of the alternate universes in Undertale, it's still only one of Alphys' unproven theories and Error intends to keep it that way.

(It would complicate things if Sans were to form a friendship with his alternates.)

(Because, well… Error's goal is to destroy said alternates.)

Lately though, Error had been too busy to check on Sans on a regular basis, but that has changed with the last Full Reset.

It's always the same with Undertale: all the characters' little, prewritten lives get upended the moment Frisk falls underground from the surface. There are generally three ways things can go from there: a pacifist run where Frisk befriends everyone (except Error), a neutral run where Frisk harms some of the monsters, and a genocide run which is self-explanatory. The later is Error's least favorite, because it's the one where Sans will die no matter what. The neutral run has the wildest variations in terms of results, as the end depends on how many monsters the human child has hurt, as well as their identity; the outcome greatly differs depending on whether Frisk has killed a random Froggit or a boss monster like Undyne.

There is no discernable pattern regarding which path Frisk will choose when they first wake up in the ruins. Error believes that they're more often pacifist than not, but he's too lazy to actually keep track.

When Frisk reaches the end of the story, one of two things will happen: either they free Monsterkind and spend the epilogue with them on the surface, or they don't.

After that, it's only a matter of time before the whole story resets to the very beginning, before Frisk even gets underground. None of the characters are aware of this, but being outside of the story's code, Error is allowed to observe. He then can watch as everything plays out again from the very beginning: the creation of the world, the war between Humans and Monsters, Gaster, the Underground and its various areas, the creation of Sans and Papyrus and how they grow up.

Error watched attentively the first few times, but it'd be a lie to say that it doesn't get repetitive after a while. Not boring, just… less exciting. (Except Sans. Sans is always interesting.) Still, Error enjoys watching again around the time right before Frisk arrives. Sans usually is fun to follow at that time, as he goes about his daily life in Snowdin, unaware of the presence of the little human in the ruins. Error will never get tired of the first time Sans and Frisk meet.

Error's current predicament is that there's been a glitch this time when the story loaded. It's not the first time, it's even happened once that there was no war between the Humans and the Monsters, but it always levels out one way or the other. It's also distinctively different from what an alternate universe is, because this is still very much the story of Undertale, just with a glitch in there. It's more of a timeline mistake, really.

And it's exactly what's happening here. Somewhere around the time Papyrus was created in this timeline, some source code glitched and the correct personality file didn't upload properly, resulting in Papyrus… well… being an asshole. A big one even.

He's not worse than some of what Error has seen in alternate universes, but it has still profoundly affected the balance of his relationship with his brother and as a result, Sans and him are far from being close, which is a key component to the original story.

To put it plainly, Papyrus is a bad brother who regularly hurts Sans, both physically and mentally.

It's hard to watch for Error, who is so very attached to Sans, more than Papyrus at least, but he reasons that it's only temporary. Soon Frisk will show up and do the whole befriend or kill everyone thing and then it'll all reset and start again. The glitch should be fixed by then. Hopefully.

But Error can't quite stop himself for checking on Sans more regularly, and what he sees rarely appease him. If Sans had some down moments in previous timelines, it's nothing compared to how depressed he is right now, and Error has to bite his tongue hard to stop himself from barging in when he witnesses from the safety of his void how nasty Papyrus can be in this timeline. He says and does things to his older brother that make Error's marrow boil.

For the most part, Sans accepts the harshness. He doesn't know better, he's grown up with this twisted version of Papyrus and knows nothing of the genuine care he's supposed to feel for the other. It doesn't help Error's feelings settle, because at the end of the day, all he's going to see is Sans hanging his skull low as he discreetly flees into the woods for a silent cry. Error can't do much besides staying there, watching helplessly Sans cry his SOUL out and offering words of hollow comfort that Sans will not hear.

Today is such a day. Sans is cooking in the kitchen, making lunch, before Papyrus shows up and blows up at his brother for no apparent reason. He says awful things and threatens Sans to beat him up, Sans tries to diffuse the situation but it doesn't work, of course, and the two have a big fight that culminates in Papyrus throwing an attack at Sans, who teleports out of the way before he runs out the door.

When he'd usually go into the woods to calm down, this time Sans hurries to the basement, where Gaster's broken universe-hopping machine waits. Error gets scared that Sans might try to fiddle with it and find another universe to run away to, to get as far from Papyrus as possible, and Error can't let that happen. It's not the first time Sans fixes the machine, he usually turns really desperate during neutral runs where his brother doesn't survive and thinks that the device is a time machine that will let him go back before Frisk beheads Papyrus. Error always manages to make it so that Sans doesn't accidentally universe-hops, but with the glitch affecting this timeline, he doesn't know whether his usual methods will work or not.

Sans randomly presses at all the buttons on the keyboard and even though Error knows that won't do shit until the machine itself is fixed, he knows that Sans is one breakdown away from trying that. Error panics and, trying to get closer to see what Sans is doing, he enters the machine. His outsource code messes with the piece of junk, enough that in the blink of a glitch, he finds himself thrown onto the hard cold floor of the basement.

He coughs and shakes his skull as he rubs his arm, looking back at the damn machine. He makes a mental note never to set foot into that thing again. Who knows what kind of consequences such a glitch could have in the future? Error would rather not find out.

He clumsily gets back up and turns around to check on Sans and see how he's doing with the keyboard.

Only to find Sans staring at him, his eyesockets still wet with angry tears and his mouth wide agape.

Error immediately understands the situation and lets out a long, tired sigh.

"fuck."

Sans is momentarily distracted from his pain, which Error is thankful for, and throws a billion questions at him, wondering who he is and where he comes from and why his bones are so dark and if he's related to Sans and why he actually looks like Sans' twin but with black bones and how he got here and so many more that by the time Error gets a word in, it's already night out.

Error explains very roughly who he is, not bothering with the most complicated details. Sans doesn't need to know, it's better if he doesn't actually. Error then very quickly stirs the conversation into comforting words and encouragements, telling Sans that there's something wrong with Papyrus and not with him, and that's why he's lashing out at his big brother so much.

Sans lets out a pitiful and heart breaking chuckle at that.

"yeah well, maybe if i wasn't so damn pathetic he'd be less on my case."

It leaves a bad taste in Error's mouth. Even if he knows that Frisk's Full Reset of the story will fix the glitch, he doesn't like Sans thinking like this, ever.

"no, sans, you don't understand. papyrus is not supposed to be like this. he's a good brother, and you're a good brother too. it's just a glitch," Error tries to explain as best he can. "you two get along really well, you're always spending time together and you never fight, not for real. you tease each other and banter a lot, but it's always in good spirits. i've never seen two monsters get along as well as you and papyrus, i promise."

There's a shift in Sans' eyelights as he listens to Error speak and then he smiles bitterly, his voice sad and broken and wet as he says, "but my papyrus will never be like that, right? because he's just a glitch."

Error realizes how he did the very opposite of comforting Sans as he watches the other crumble into sobs. Sans curls into himself like he's trying to disappear and make the pain go away.

Error is at a loss, he doesn't know what to do. His mind is blank, and so he doesn't think about what he's doing as his arms wrap around Sans' oh so small frame. He pulls Sans into his chest and rocks him as Sans wails into his arms, his hands shakily gripping at the front of Error's jacket.

Error can't do much more than apologize for revealing the hurtful truth to Sans and reassure him as best he can that at least he has Error now to confide in, or vent whenever Papyrus harms him. Error vows that he'll never leave Sans alone and hurt anymore. That's the least he can do. He might not be able to fix the glitch, but he can try to make Sans' current timeline a better experience.

They start to hang out, a lot. If Error avoided making any contact with the characters before, he shrugs that there's no point in hiding his existence now that Sans knows about it. He swears to himself never to intervene in future timelines, but this one is a lost case anyway, and he might as well enjoy Sans' company.

Turns out that Sans is an even more wonderful monster that Error thought, which says a lot, considering how high he already thought of the chubby skeleton. Sans is smart, fun, caring, witty, beautiful and Error is drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He's quick to get out of his depressive funk Error accidentally provoked, and gets livelier and happier each day he spends with Error. They usually just stay in the basement, chatting and playing games, but sometimes Sans brings him to the Snowdin forest, where they build snow sculptures, play between the trees, share secrets under the falling snow and just overall have an amazing time.

The sadness sometimes comes back to Sans' eyelights, but it's quickly replaced by unbridled joy when he spots Error. He knows then that his day is going to be better. With time, he shows less and less bitterness about Papyrus. His brother's nasty words seem to not reach him as deep anymore, and Error is relieved for Sans.

They spend about four months like that, hanging out together everyday, until Error finally announces the news that the little human is on their way. Frisk will arrive in the Underground within a week or two, and if they're in a good mood, Monsterkind might even get freed.

He makes sure not to mention the possibility of a genocide run. Sans doesn't need to hear about it in this timeline. He's suffered enough and ignorance is bliss.

(And if push comes to shove, Error is ready to intervene this time, whatever that entails.)

"you'll get to see the surface!" Error beams at his friend. "the sunset, and the stars, and the sky. And real rain and real snow."

"wow… that sounds nice," Sans whispers in awe with a beautiful smile. "i can't wait."

Sans carefully lets his skull drop on Error's shoulder. Error is tempted to wrap a comforting arm around Sans' waist, but he doesn't go further than thinking about it. He splashes his feet into the water of the luminescent stream in front of them instead. Sans is right, Waterfall really is the best place to hang out.

"error, what will happen to you when the human comes?" Sans asks after a while. "you said that i'm supposed to befriend them, but what about you? you're kinda me, right? will you be their friend too?"

Error hums. He does care about Frisk a great deal and would love to hang out with the tiny human, especially if Sans is there as well. He can already picture the three of them playing in the snow by the entrance of the ruins. Maybe Sans and Error could sneak up behind Frisk and surprise them, that could be fun.

He shakes his skull gently.

"i'll fade in the background for a while. it's your story, sans, and i don't want to influence it more than i already have. i've already said more than i was allowed to, to be honest."

Sans pouts. "hmmm. not fun." He then adds in a quieter voice. "what about papyrus? is he going to be the human's friend too? or is he going to…"

Sans doesn't need to finish the thought and Error does wrap that arm around the other, squeezing him reassuringly.

"don't worry about this, sans. it's almost over anyway. when frisk gets here and finishes their run, the world will be reset and papyrus will go back to normal. the risks of the same glitch happening again are very slim, so you'll forget he even treated you that way and you two will be best brothers again. i promise."

Suddenly, Sans sits up, removing his skull from Error's shoulder, making him miss the contact. Error worries he said something wrong again and stares intently at his friend.

"i'll forget about it? about papyrus being mean to me? really?"

"yes, sans. i know it's hard to imagine for you right now, but trust me. you're going to forget this timeline, everything about it, and then you'll be happy again." Error scratches his cheek as he looks to the side and adds, "i'm not saying things will be easy for you, you also struggle in other timelines, but you'll have papyrus to support you. you won't remember how awful he is right now."

This doesn't seem to be the thing to say to cheer Sans up, because it doesn't work and Sans looks almost gloomier with each new word that goes out of Error's mouth, so he shuts up, waiting for Sans to speak his mind.

Error's patience is rewarded a couple minutes later.

"what if i don't want to forget?"

Error blinks.

"what?"

"i think i don't want to forget." This time, Sans looks straight at Error.

"but… why? you'll be happier if you forget all of this ever happened."

"not if i have to forget you."

The words barely register before Error feels Sans' teeth press against his mouth. He instinctively closes his eyesockets and lets Sans kiss him. Sans runs his tongue along Error's teeth, asking for entrance that is easily granted.

Only the echo flowers around them witness their love, and they too will forget all about this soon.

But even if Sans and the echo flowers and the entire world forget about this moment, Error will remember.

Error will never forget.

[faislittlewhiteraven]

Fai's Fic Ramble: The GorseTale AU (bare basics)

Ever since roughly... 2017 I think, there been a single Undertale fanfic I've been tapping away at and though it's nowhere near done or even organised enough for me to think about posting chapter 1 on A03, I recently posted a spinoff fic related to it called Eight Coloured Picture about the deaths of all the fallen humans and how some monsters each time were effected by their passing, and well.

I wanna ramble about the main story that fic comes from for a bit!

So.

Working Title: 'Gorse, Blackthorn and Buttercups' I also call it GorseTale in my head for short since Gaijin Goombah's rather fun video on why Undertale's Golden Flowers are most likely Gorse was a HUGE inspiration for the fic back when I started out (it's er changed quiet a bit since then but I'm keeping the flower vibes because Chara likes them and I did way too much research into both practical and symbolic uses for plants in the Underground for this fic not to use at least some of it at some point XD).

Core premise: Story is a Slice of Life/Drama AU set around Frisk being born in the Underground and taken in by Toriel right around the time of 'Undertale canon' (for Undertale Yellow fans, roughly a year or so after Clover's death), and through a series of domino effects stemming from that, various monsters of the Underground are confronted with the flaws of both themselves and their kingdom, and as a result start putting in effort to try fixing things so the little human child they've become so attached to can actually live their life to the fullest without fear of being murdered just for being born a non monster.

Aka: Toriel and Sans experience the joys and terror of co-parenting a child who only survives past the age of 3 because they have phenomenal cosmic power. Papyrus discovers the Royal Guard is NOT in fact something he wants to join (and accidentally becomes politically active in an effort to right by his new nibbling). Undyne takes some time to really rethink her career path and motives. Alphys somehow manages to turn former mistakes into miracles (oh and cures death maybe). Mettaton learns to take time off and share the spotlight, and finally King Asgore gets a surprising amount of hope in encouraging peaceful rebellion against his own accidental dictatorship.

Main cast: Rotates a bit since every major monster (and Flowey) matters in this and who's most in focus depends on the exact arc but Toriel, Sans, Papyrus, Chara and Frisk are the ones who I have the most planned scenes for since well, they're where the 'domino effect' starts.

Ships: Fic is pretty gen for the most part but leaning Undyne/Alphys, Papyrus/Mettaton (who knew all Paps needed to become popular was to openly try convincing monster kind that killing all the humans is wrong in front of a very specific underground star XD), and some very very very slowburn Sans/Toriel (is teased throughout the story because Sans IS Frisk's other parent Sans just means 'Dad' in Frisk speak and I find various Monsters' "Wait Sans has a kid- Wait Sans is married?!" reactions hilarious (Paps giving 'context' to why he suddenly has a nibbling to Undyne especially) but actual, real Soriel doesn't happen until near the very end because Toriel is Not Ok, Sans leans AroAce/Demi and both agree that while the odd kiss, hug or 'real talk' is fine neither up for anything more than that right now. Also Toriel has yet to get a formal divorce and er, she can't even think of him for much of the fic without wanting to set him on fire so... Yeah). Also considering Mad Mewmew/Asgore (because funny but also oddly sweet), and Mettaton trying to get over a crush on Alphys at the start (due to Mettaton's Winter Alarmclock dialogue reframing all of Mettaton's actions in canon in a whole newlight for me), but for the most part romance really isn't a focus.

Things to set it apart from every other 'Frisk grows up in the Underground' fanfic:

A LOT of worldbuilding focus on stuff how monsters get food and materials.

Toriel teaching everyone how Monster society was before the War vs now (aka lots of cultural trauma themes here).

More emphasis on how little Monster society these days really knows about things they really should given their Kingdom's plans.

Sans 'timeline trauma' getting tossed out the window for joining Toriel in 'worried parent' stress (hard to be upset about LOADS when they're specifically stopping a toddler you love from getting murdered).

Papyrus accidentally making everything better just because for the sake of his nibblet he can't back down.

FLOWER SYMBOLISM AND DISCUSSING THE UNDERGROUND'S VERY IMPORTANT PLANT LIFE!

Undyne having a character growth arc triggered by Papyrus.

Mettaton having a character growth arc triggered by Papyrus (and a passing mention of Napstablook).

Alphys not being fired post Amalgamite reveal making her realize she has in fact actually kinda created the cure for death (by 'Falling Down') or at the very least is only maybe three steps away from that and actually works on that alongside a bunch of other stuff with other scientists because working alone sucked.

Lots of focus on the humans who fell before Frisk because their lives mattered! and also the Blue Soul was Kris because damn if I don't feel the need to really hammer in Toriel's trauma caused by Asgore here

NarraChara and Napstablook being ghost buddies =D they suck at it but Chara will take literally anyone who can hear them for company and Napstablook feels bad about that

Snowdin being secretly a hub of human sympathisers! (None of them knew they weren't the only ones).

MONSTER RADIO and ANIME/WESTERNS ON TV!

Tems and the Riverperson mattering while still being true to their very weird selves!!!

Asgore learning that he DOES in fact have a lot of influence and that maybe, juuust maybe, that his screw ups were worse for his Kingdom than he already thought (don't worry Asgore fans, despite my having to write a lot of Asgore grr due to Toriel being a major character, saving him and showing how much he loves his people is a major goal of mine <3). He still f%cked up majorly though XD

Frisk dealing with, well, the stress of growing up in a place that says their death would make everyone (except their immediate loved ones) happy and constantly having to live in hiding/disguise...

Flowey being a murderous little shit but also not having reset power and both Frisk and Chara in his life again.

Undertale Yellow and Deltarune characters! Who probably won't be in focus a lot but they've helped me out a ton for fleshing the out my setting so I will 100% be giving them at least a little screen time to make up for that (like Amalgamate Kanako playing with Frisk, and Martlet and Noelle being VERY interesting in Papyrus's 'Lets not kill the humans' movement for reasons our main characters will eventually learn <3).

Oh and a huge amount of 'Unseen in game' areas I made for the Underground which include:

SnowDen: a 'town' of Dog and Rabbit made tunnels underneath the ENTIRE Snowdin region (connects to every dog sentry post, the 'Toby Fox secret area' and the 'very efficiently laid out' travel tunnels seen in canon Undertale). Generally requires those living there to get through given how winding and confusing the tunnels can get (all guideposts are puzzles made with scent markers...).

TooHot: basically a 'lethal lava land' housing district for fire monsters below general Hotland. Predates the Wat and is too hot for most non fire monsters to go anywhere near (the current name was given by Asgore though).

Cliffstop: a 'thin' vertical crevice monsters in New Home unearthed a while back that goes from from all the way to the very top of Mt Ebott down to the dark of the Abyss below (locals there call the top of the area Clifftop and the lowest safe for travel Cliffdrop). Gets a fair bit of sun and has flying room so it's popular with plant and flying monsters but the cliffs are very unstable so the bottom is covered in rope nets to prevent accidents. Most puzzles about the place are moving rope bridges, loading up vertical conveyer belts with the correct weights and 'light and mirror' puzzles.

Riverfolk Waterway and True Tem Village: settlements hidden deep within Waterfall's 'unreachable in canon' winding waterways. The former is a small inlet where 'Riverfolk' monsters like the Riverperson have a small collection of boathouses they dock at, and the later is exactly what is sounds like, with the 'Temmie Village' we see in canon being merely a Temmie trading outpost. Can accessed only by Riverperson boat or the Temmie's secret tunnels and is home to all sorts of cool things like the Temmie 'Colleg' and 'DEEP HISTORY mUSEEum'~ XD

WebbInn 'the Spider district': Mostly a giant communal spider web hanging Hotland's ceiling but also connected to a tunnel that goes up near Mt Ebbot's peak (the spiders have been digging upwards in hopes of getting a 'sunspot' they can use to advertise their 'sweet little town' to tourists). Has a... Very distinctive culture compared to the rest of the Underground and the 'puzzles' there tend towards being 'social' in nature (aka fey logic games where how you speak and act gets you directed every which way).

Starlite Strip: A little connecting area right underneath the path/cliff Monster Kid and Frisk see the castle while travelling through Waterfall in Undertale Canon. Not a big settlement on its own but something of a trading hub for monsters from New Home and the surrounding areas in Waterfall to buy and sell goods (also has a LOT of Royal Guard presence which is why absolutely no one in Undertale recommends it to the very human Frisk). Very sparkly but in a gentle 'crystals, glowing water and fire flies' kinda way.

And... Yeah. Wanna post a full script of what I've got planned so far but this post is already massive so will do that in a bit.

Will say though that the general ending plan for this fic arguably goes full fix fic with:

12-14 year old Frisk comes out as human publicly and goes through the entire Underground arguing their case (something the Underground has been publicly debating for the last 10 years or so thanks to a very motivated Papyrus and a wanting more ratings + genuinely interested Mettaton).

Undyne attempts to kill them but well, she's only going all out because she and Paps had a deal about this (he vowed that he'd defend any innocent human from her killing them so she could still go all out at her job) and Frisk knows that.

Mettaton gets to do THE biggest and most historically important interview in the Underground's history.

Asgore declares that the Underground will try out this whole 'everyone in the kingdom votes' thing on both the upcoming war and how they will treat humans living here because he wants to make sure he's doing what his people want (Mettaton asks what Asgore will vote but Asgore, finally realizing his own influence, refuses to say).

Asgore and Frisk spend a nice, if slightly nervously time together drinking tea and talking about the future while the votes are being counted. (Toriel and others may join them but mostly this is Asgore getting to know... the last of Toriel's adopted children she told him about the others when she asked for a divorce).

Monsters choose wisely because for all this fic is 'Monsters are flawed too!' they are good people and I want to make that clear <3

Cue Frisk publically trying to help break the barrier while being very alive...

Flowey pulling a 'God of Hyper Death' except well, he, Frisk and Chara maaay have discussed a bit of this beforehand (Flowey did want the souls and this would get him them), so er, the fight might be a touch more mixed with genuine anger and playfulness. Note: Still working out the exacts.

The human SOULs get brought back to life as monsters while Flowey gets a SOUL of his own and Chara gets enough magical matter to be visible to people other than Frisk (it required less waste of the accumulated magic, the soul of an additional human another girl falling into the Ruins was what got Frisk deciding to come out actually, the kids using a bunch of Alphys' furthered research on the interplay between Determination, matter and Dust, and breaking down the dead humans' bodies for enough 'compatible matter' to work with, and the destruction and repurposing of the Barrier but hey! Back to life! Or arguably Chara's case an upgrade to proper ghost-hood). Oh and the Amalgamates that want it are safely separated but not sure if that's a 'before no' thing or a 'here in this big finale' thing~ XD

And yeah. That's all of my 'extra happy ending just because I can' stuff the entire fic eventually builds towards. Will post all my planned scenes/'domino effect planning' some other time but for now I'm done.

If you liked any ideas in this feel free to use them please (I'm a slow ass writer and I write what I want to see more of in the world XD) and er, hope this was a fun ramble to read <3

[loopielupie]

Whumptober Day 19 - Floral Bouquet

A follow up to Day 8 (linked for convenience):

Miyano-san tries not to tap her foot as the lift climbs slowly to the floor she's been told to go to. She's spoken to the doctor over the phone and she knows, academically, what's going on but she's been anxious ever since Sasaki had called this morning to tell her Yoshi-kun was in the hospital. He'd sounded so tired and scared.

The lift dings and she snaps out of her thoughts long enough to realise two things:

She's reached the correct floor

She's all but crushing the sunflowers

With a sigh she loosens her grip on the bouquet and nods her head to the gentleman holding the door for her before stepping out and catching sight of the doors she needs.

A brief chat with the first nurse that spots her and she's standing outside her son's room. Her hand is shaking where it's poised to knock; she's never had to deal with Yoshi-kun being this sick. But she's his mother, she can't let him know her fears. So with a quiet knock to announce her intentions, she pushes open the doors.

Evidently, her knock had been a little too quiet and she doesn't even bother hiding her gentle smile at the two boys, both sleeping. Her smile falters a little at the edges when she sees her son: pale and small, lying in the bed. Quietly crossing to his side, she runs careful fingers through clammy hair and whispers:

"Yoshi-kun, I'm here."

He doesn't stir, but that's a relief. His forehead is warm under her palm, but nothing like how Sasaki-kun had described his fever this morning.

Speaking of Sasaki...

Sasaki is asleep on the nearby chair, a blanket half-draped over him. She winces at how sore that must be on his back, especially at his height. She sets down the bouquet on the bed, but the sound of the crinkling plastic must be enough to wake him.

"Mya-ch-," he cuts himself and blinks at the sudden appearance of the new person before his brain clearly catches up. He makes to stand but she waves him off.

"Sit, Sasaki-kun. It's only me," she soothes. "Sorry to wake you."

She busies herself filling the vase with water and arranging the sunflowers and when she looks back over, Sasaki looks more together, although the bags under his eyes tell her just how exhausted he is. She's about to suggest he go home for a while when he interrupts her, eyes on the flowers:

"Sunflowers?"

"Mm," she says, setting them down and sinking into the other chair. "I used to grow them on the balcony when he was a child, back before I worked full time. He was always in awe of how tall they'd get and we'd have to measure them every year."

"So...he likes them?"

She can practically see him taking mental notes and she nods with a secret smile.

They fall into silence again, but she can sense he has something else to say. So she waits, fussing a little with the blankets over her son, tucking him in a little better.

"'m sorry."

"Hmm?"

"'m sorry I...didn't take better care of him."

She hadn't expected that.

"Oh Sasaki-kun, no," she's quick to reassure. "I was actually going to say how grateful I am that you were there to look after him and get him the help he so clearly needed."

Sasaki just looks at her, wide-eyed, so she continues:

"Yoshi-kun isn't really the type to get sick and even when he does he's the type to muscle through it. It's a trait he unfortunately inherited from both of us, he's very stubborn."

That gets a quiet laugh, barely a huff of breath from Sasaki, but she considers it a win as his shoulders loosen.

"I'm glad he has someone like you to watch over him."

He blushes.

"I always will," he murmurs, so quietly she almost doesn't catch it. But she does. She smiles at him and he offers a tentative one back before his face scrunches in a yawn.

Right. That's it. She can't let this go on any longer.

"Sasaki-kun, if you don't mind my saying it, you look exhausted. You should go home for a little bit."

"No, but-"

"Sasaki-kun," she gentles. "I'll take over here for a while. Go home, eat, get some sleep. I can't imagine that chair was very confortable last night."

His grimace tells her all she already knew, but Sasaki still looks so hesitant. She thinks she understands when his eyes flick to her son so she stands with a smile, fishing her phone out of her bag.

"I'm going to go call my husband. When I get back I expect you to be gone." She brandishes a finger at him to sell the "threat" and he nods.

She dutifully leaves the room, but she can't help stealing a little peek over her shoulder as she goes, catching the moment Sasaki brushes stray hair off her son's forehead and bends down. She makes herself scarce after that.

They deserve their privacy.

[the-firebird69]

The United States bar association and there is one that controls all of them is bringing charges against Trump's lawyers and they're disbarring several of them this coming week and several more they have planned to discharge and he will be without defense lawyers and he can opt for a state appointed or federally appointed attorney and he probably won't and this is going to be a show to remember and he's going to be convicted his lawyers hate him overgrown buffoon child and they want him out and that's what they say. And there's no reason to keep some schmuck around who demands that you mess them up and he's doing it right now again and we're going to mess them up there's some news too and it evolves the schmuck

-he's a loud yelling moron and he gave everything up to sit here and try and get an apartment key so he can just look at things I mean this guy is a humongous loser you can't even classify him as a low life cuz he wouldn't live if people were not supporting him

-there are other things happening of course but they have to do with him New Zealand for example these pseudo empire decide to crush this little weasel because they figured out again that he's nothing they went after him very hard last night and late into the morning and just hammered him on the island and just took whatever territory they wanted now they're growing down there but they need the tech and they're taking the ships from Trump and they're taking a whole bunch of chips too and the weasel doesn't get it which is hilarious I think you're up there beating on him with the fleet of yours and the BJ and other and they want to take your ships what is so complicated there's no mystery to it pal it's just that you're dumb. Oh boy so he is hypercritical of us dumping on him as if we ever stop because he just keeps provoking this by saying it. They took over to date 75% of his asinine area so now we're at 15% left it's about the same for their population of what it was.

-there's a huge area in the United States and he's going to lose today and the pseudo empire said it we're tired of you going around and kind of weaseling your way in and hurting a whole bunch of people for absolutely no purpose your purpose is to mess up everyone's playing including your own and you're going to pay for it they said that this morning in a statement the issues to Donald Trump and he said so what whatever and they started hitting the schmuck and they shot him several times and pretty soon he's going to get a s*** shot in the head again cuz he needs it and he is dumber than a horse already the area in the United States is out west and it is North of San Francisco but it's south of Oregon. It's a very large area anywhere to say it was ours and people went out there and messed a piece of s*** up and the pseudo empire is launching attacks they're going to take over the territory and probably just a few hours and the idiot will send whatever he has after them out there probably until they're gone and it's only one in several places where they are and there's nothing up there but bunkers for the most part and they're going to be gone from there and they will all be dead we expect half of his remaining Force we'll be sucked down into that vortex area and they don't stand a chance

-you people have no idea what our reaction is to you and don't care but we will tell you that there are giants below you and that you're oblivious some people can see it a little and scans. And there's a lot of them and they're ignoring it and of course we did it during Trump's reign of terror

-there's a lot of other things happening but the trusters are going down all over the world they're reducing today by 10% in their areas except for three areas that are like Northern California where they will be destroyed the other two percent of the population we anticipate to lose almost 1% today you'll be cut in half it is for his antics and his race for president he is mocking the system and everybody involved people all want him dead there's a couple other reasons

-what is his antics he's a putrid liar and nothing that he said is true and people are finding out that he's lying about everything that he's doing and then he's saying horrible things about what he's going to do is it true and he thinks they cancel each other out I mean he is not a brilliant thinker and people notice that this guy is actually very stupid and says and does things that are extremely rude and the whole world is offended and coming down on people because of it and the max want him out of sight right now believe it or not this guy has used up almost every single support group he had that's another reason that he's he's going to be out and his people will shut up either

-a very very valid reason is what he's doing it's causing his people to die he's sitting here harassing Us in her son and other people and to the point where he won't shut up and he needs to be forced to be quiet and let people alone and he won't now other people are taking it as he needs discipline and it started doing it in an increased increased increased now it's to a level where he's being destroyed and he asked for it and he's not listening to anything and people are taking his stuff all over the world including the ships and he sincere smug and arrogant and he's sick as hell he needs to leave but this is what's happening to him and right now all over the world and it's mostly pseudo empire and they're going to vanquish his areas you said three and they're large they're huge but really there's about 20 and they arrange in size from huge to small they're going to attack all of them which will definitely mean a percentage of the population or more but all his people will die today saying that they're trying to put it out and of course it does not

-there's a few more reasons he's opposing this major plan of the Max and the warlock Max and other people have it too foreigners and such wanted to try and to get beat up and to lose and he's standing there saying we stay here and do our thing and they're killing his people off here in Florida because he's supposed to almost every single maneuver that they have and he keeps saying it too we're just going to get wiped out and they say what are we going to do and it's funny because he's actually trying to do something that's right sort of but he doesn't know why and he says I'm going to go in there alone and he's messing things up and all sudden he said this today I'm saying we shouldn't and it's probably true because he looked at it and he said they're just going to all stop us and what's the point so he's looking at Brian like he's nuts and Brian says I have a whole bunch of stuff and you're not really privy to it and you're not going to be cuz you're a huge loser and he starts talking and talking and Brian says I'm not going to tell you what my plan is cuz you're talking now what you're talking about is not legal to talk about and it said it to him several times I don't want to hear a f****** word out of you if I do we're going to come down there and extract you from the community so he's doing it and he is going after the idiot this is going to intensify as they try to start their plan and they can't start building up for the most part until where it is he's going to go out there to Utah and the word is not out yet because it doesn't look like he's going anywhere and Garth and his sister too and our obstructed it and there's a huge bunch of people for it but 80% of the warlock and we see their idea and it's not too shabby for them keep in mind that they usually have crappy plans. And Brad wants to do it real bad and he's a homo and dies before it starts and others like him die and they try to blame us but they know that they're killing each other over it. This one aspect of things Trump is missing and he says if I'm obstructing it I make it sound like it won't happen and it would be hitting each other and he's a fool cuz it sounds more like the max are having him do it to try and make it more effective for themselves

-there's a huge number of things happening too while this is going on and starting to simmer there are people who are definitely trying to get out of the way and it's people in the Midwest and they are evacuating and they're doing it now as in right now it is a massive crowd it's going to start a series of evacuations when they touch on the subject they're going to start evacuating when he starts to get inroads to over there there will be evacuations

-Ellie and John are excited and up and it started working on it and you found Trump in the way all over the place out there and they're calling for reinforcements and he's going to get want today in Northern California and he's going to send all his people there and in Utah he's going to get hit very badly and in Florida and New Zealand where people see him obstructing the plan some people are trying to send money to our son for Melissa and her birthday and it's Hera April fools and it is her real birthday and it is going on that there are a lot of people doing it huge numbers and these people being obstructed by the trumps so they're going after them now because they see they're in the way the plan and it's legal for them to go after the trumps so we're going to publish this is huge

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[castletown-cafe]

Castletown Café Episode 14: Ice-E’s Ice P’e’zza

Normally, there is an I in pizza, but Ice-E plays by different rules, replacing that I with an E. The reason for this might be for the employees who work at Ice-E’s P’e’zza in Hometown, because after all, there’s no I in “team”, so they removed it from “pizza”.

Much like Chuck E. Cheese in our world, Ice-E is a beloved children’s mascot in the Light World of Deltarune. Not only does he have a pizza chain, but a movie, which Susie mentions at the end of Chapter 2. Ice-E seems to be everywhere in Hometown, from the aforementioned pizza restaurant, to a magazine in Sans’ convenience store, to even the pain level chart in the hospital. He even has his own line of body spray, one of which is found in Kris and Toriel’s bathroom cabinet. Ice-E also finds his way into Cyber World, where you solve a word puzzle that is supposedly his catch phrase (according to Susie): “GIASFELFEBREHBER”. When you solve it, an image of Ice-E appears on a screen, then glitches.

Not only does this image of him glitch, but many of Ice-E’s merchandise in-game (especially his magazine) have poor spelling and grammar, whether that’s intentional to appeal to kids (think Xtreme Kool Letterz), or as if Ice-E is a glitch entity, kind of like a certain Darkener we know and love (no relation of course...or is there...).

In fact - why aren’t more fans speculating about Ice-E to begin with? I think he’s quite the mystery, and as an in-universe fictional character, could he be a Darkener? Could he exist in a Dark World?

Wait, wait. wait. This isn’t a theory blog, this is a cooking blog. There is a time and a place to speculate this weird mascot, but that’s not here. What I am here to do is to share a pizza recipe inspired by Ice-E’s P’e’zza.

The menu has some very unusual types of pizza, which is something you’d come to expect in the weird world of Toby Fox. Most notably is their Ice P’e’zza, and their Double Ice P’e’zza. It’s a hit with Ice Wolf, though he is the only customer seen.

So how is ice pizza possible, let alone edible? Simple - it just needs an extra word: cream. That makes this an Ice Cream Pizza! Served cold and fresh for dessert!

When deciding to make this, I forgot all about fast food chain Dairy Queen’s “Treatzza Pizza”, which I remember seeing advertised as a young child, but never tried. Since I never paid much attention, I had no idea Dairy Queen still sells them. The same can be said with Baskin Robbins’ “Polar Pizza”, which I didn’t even know about until I looked it up. Ice cream pizzas just weren’t something I ever tried growing up. Sure, I knew they existed, but I was otherwise indifferent to the concept. Never even thought I’d be here trying to make my own just a year ago, but here we are. I looked up several different recipes online which gave me the inspiration to make my own ice cream pizza, which you can find in the sources at the end.

You can make an ice cream pizza in whatever flavors you want! Use whatever ice cream you want, whatever toppings you want, make whatever crust you want, the sky’s the limit! S’mores ice cream pizza? Make a graham cracker crust, fill with chocolate ice cream, top with marshmallows, graham cracker crumbs, and bite-sized pieces of chocolate! A chocolate chip cookie dough pizza? Make a chocolate chip cookie crust and use chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, top with chocolate chips, and pieces of edible cookie dough! Strawberry cheesecake ice cream pizza? Fill a graham cracker crust with strawberry-cheesecake flavored ice cream and top with bite sized strawberry pieces and sweetened strawberry puree!

As for mine? It’s an Oreo ice cream pizza, made with a crust from crushed Oreos mixed with hot fudge sauce, filled with vanilla ice cream with more Oreo pieces mixed in, and topped with chocolate chips, hot fudge sauce, and of course, even more Oreo bits! I hope my recipe here at the very least will serve as a guide to whatever flavor you want to make.

For a graham cracker crust, onceuponachef has you covered - all you need from this key lime pie recipe is the graham cracker crust portion - but if you also want to make the pie that goes with it, feel free to. It’s a lovely looking pie recipe, just look at that presentation!

I found this video and recipe for a chocolate chip cookie crust, completely made from scratch (including the ice cream)! But you can just use pre-made instead, unless you want to make your own!

One thing to keep in mind: it’s best to use a tart pan for an ice cream pizza, because the bottom can be lifted out from the sides, making it easier to cut when serving.

With all that out of the way, onto the recipe!

ICE-E’S KOOKYS N CREEM ICE CREEM P’E’ZZA:

28-30 Oreos (for the crust)

1/2 cup fudge sauce

Vanilla ice cream

10 more Oreos, crushed or chopped (for the topping)

Chocolate chips

Some of the remaining fudge sauce

Equipment:

Blender or food processor

Tart pan

Remove frosting from about 28 or so Oreos. Save that frosting in a bowl or container and cover with wax food wrap or a lid that fits. Crush the Oreos in a blender or food processor until cookies are coarse crumbs.

Pour cookie crumbs into a mixing bowl and add the fudge sauce. Stir to combine until a thick dough forms.

Place “dough” into tart pan and spread until tart pan is filled, using the flat bottom of a measuring cup (or a glass) to smooth out the crust. Spread some of that crust up the sides as well, giving it that tart shape and to hold in the ice cream and toppings that will come later. Freeze for at least an hour or two.

Take that firmed crust out of the freezer and spread that Oreo filling you saved onto the crust. It will be very thin, so you may need filling from a few more Oreos to completely coat the bottom (but not the sides). Re-freeze for another hour at the very least.

With your crust perfectly firm and solid with a thin layer of Oreo filling spread inside, take it back out of the freezer alongside a carton of ice cream. If your freezer keeps your ice cream hard as a rock, give it some time to soften first, but if your freezer keeps your ice cream at the perfect scoopable temperature, no need to wait! Just scoop and spread inside your cookie crust. But hurry and work quickly! Your ice cream will melt fast, and the outer edges of the ice cream in particular will be the first to melt into a liquid. It’s difficult not to make a mess, which is evident in my photos if you look closely at the pizza. Some of the melting ice cream went over the edges of my crust, so I advise you to be fast but careful. If you need to re-freeze between spreads, do so. Re-freeze at 20-minute intervals before attempting to spread again. You want a nice even layer of ice cream. Once that layer is even and fully spread, freeze again for another 30 minutes.

Optional: If you want to mix toppings into the ice cream, re-freeze your finished ice cream layer for 15 minutes before mixing in your toppings of choice such as bite-sized candy or fruit, nuts, or cookie pieces. Re-freeze for another 20-30 minutes before adding the final toppings.

Time to put the finishing touches on your ice cream pizza! Sprinkle your toppings on top of your ice cream with a generous drizzle of dessert sauce, syrup or fruit puree before sticking it back in the freezer. Let this freeze overnight or for 4 hours minimum for best results.

SERVING TIPS: Wash and dry your cutting board and have your pizza sit out for a couple of minutes in order for the tart pan to loosen, allowing you to remove your pizza from the sides of the pan (which is why a tart pan is recommended). If you can, remove the pizza entirely from the tart pan and set it down on the clean cutting board to avoid damaging the pan when trying to cut slices and serve. Heat a very sharp knife by running it under some hot water, drying it, and then carefully cut into the pizza. It will be extremely tough, and will require a lot of muscle work in order to cut through the frozen cookie crust. Be careful not to cut yourself or the pan, and do not let young children attempt to cut this pizza.

After you have successfully cut through the frozen crust, if you haven’t already removed your pizza from the tart pan bottom, slide your knife (or a serving spatula) between the crust and the bottom of the tart pan to remove your slice. If it’s taken a while to cut (and cutting the first slice is always the hardest - the rest of the pizza gets easier because it’s not stuck to the bottom of the tart pan anymore, but the crust is still tough to cut through, but you get used to it), re-freeze your cut slices to firm them up a little if they’ve started to melt, along with the rest of your pizza after returning the bottom of the tart pan to the sides, so you have something to hold your pizza in when storing it in the freezer. Remove your re-frozen slices and serve. If you made this particular Oreo crust, serve with something to wash that down with because that crust is far too sweet.

Yeah....the ice cream pizza recipes I found that involved an Oreo crust all used the same no-bake method combining Oreo crumbs with fudge sauce, but after having tried this method, I find it way too sweet (and American desserts are notorious for being cloyingly sweet). Not surprising since all of those were copycat recipes inspired by Dairy Queen’s Treatzza Pizzas....but I found an Oreo Cookie pie crust recipe that I’m going to try next time that’ll hopefully be better, by combining crushed Oreo crumbs with their filling along with melted butter. No extra fudge or sugar here to make you want water or milk after eating it! Hopefully. If you give this crust a try, let me know how it tastes!

As summer vacation goes out with the tide, why not say goodbye to it with a slice of Ice-E’s Ice Cream P’e’zza? It’s great for birthday parties, end-of summer parties, or back to school parties....(do people actually throw back to school parties? I don’t think that’s something kids would wanna celebrate....unless they’re starting their senior year of high school or something....)

Until next time....GIASFELFEBREHBER!

Sources:

Article: “Xtreme Kool Letterz”, TVTropes (tvtropes.org). Link: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/XtremeKoolLetterz

“Treatzza Pizza Cakes from Dairy Queen”, Dairy Queen official website, (dairyqueen.com). Link: https://www.dairyqueen.com/en-ca/menu/cakes/dq-treatzza-pizza/

“Polar Pizza Ice Cream Treats”, Baskin-Robbins official website, (order.baskinrobbins.com). Link: https://order.baskinrobbins.com/menu/polar-pizza-ice-cream-treats

Segal, Jenn, “Best Ever Key Lime Pie”, Once Upon a Chef (onceuponachef.com). Link: https://www.onceuponachef.com/recipes/key-lime-pie.html

FunFoods, “Cookie Dough Ice Cream Pizza | FunFoods”, YouTube. Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-8s6lH0KiI

Tastemade, “Ice Cream Dessert Pizza | Tastemade”, tastemade.com. Link: https://www.tastemade.com/recipes/ice-cream-dessert-pizza

Ally, “Ice Cream Pizza Recipe {Treatzza Pizza Copycat}”, crave the good (cravethegood.com). Link: https://www.cravethegood.com/ice-cream-pizza/

Fehr, Ashley, “Frozen Ice Cream Dessert Pizza (Treatzza Pizza Copycat!)”, The Recipe Rebel (thereciperebel.com). Link: https://www.thereciperebel.com/frozen-ice-cream-dessert-pizza-treatzza-pizza/

Lindsay, “Easy Homemade Oreo Cookie Crust | Bake or No Bake”, Life Love and Sugar (lifeloveandsugar.com). Link: https://www.lifeloveandsugar.com/easy-oreo-cookie-crust-recipe/

[flower-of-darkness]

OKAY BUT I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU AZURA-CHAN

i was thinking of who else M*ri could make executive, when I realized we never got a backstory for how Higuchi ended up joining the PM in the first place 👀any theories 👀

Istg you’re only a month older than me mf 💀 DON’T EXPECT ME TO CALL YOU MARA-SAN 😭/lh

Anywho. I originally never really thought about it, but your ask got me thinking for two days straight so uh, enjoy this analysis I made about it 💃

How Higuchi might have joined the PM

There are actually two possibilities of how Higuchi might have joined the PM, in my opinion. As we know, Asagiri-sensei loves slipping in subtle references of the irl authors into their BSD counterparts, so I did a bit of research on one of the irl Higuchi’s works : Takekurabe, directly translated to “Growing Up” or “Child’s Play”.

Her backstory is most likely inspired by Takekurabe, because : 1), It’s probably Higuchi’s most well-known work, and 2), its plot centers around two rival street gangs in an underworld setting, which is a direct parallel to the ADA and PM.

First off, Takekurabe is about a group of youths assuming their family professions and losing the freedom they enjoyed as children. This includes one of the main characters - 14 year old Midori - who’s a daughter of a family living in a brothel. She starts off as a tomboy and playful child, but after a few years, once she’s old enough to become a prostitute, she transforms into an elegant lady, losing her carefree and childish nature completely, and embracing her job as a prostitute in her parents’ brothel even if she doesn’t actually want to.

What if Higuchi is, in a way, like Midori? A child who’s forced into adulthood and taking after her parents’ job against her will?

What if her parents were PM members, and Higuchi was forced into joining the organization as well to maintain their family profession?

Let’s recall how Higuchi was repeatedly told by members of the PM that she’s not suitable to be a mafioso. The Black Lizard threatened her by saying that they only follow her orders out of respect and fear for Akutagawa (Although they grew to respect her as well after seeing her determination and kindness), and even Mori himself directly expressed that he doesn’t think she’s suitable for her job.

Then how did she get such a high position? How is she not fired yet after failing all her missions to capture Atsushi, and defying the mafia’s code by saving Akutagawa despite Mori being against it?

Because her parents are/were mafia members, and the organization keeps her out of respect for them.

Now, for the second possibility.

I've always wondered why Higuchi is so attached to Akutagawa if she only met him in the PM, because even if you’re “nOt LiKe oTHeR GirLS”, you do not just take one look at an emo traumatized very rude boy and go “him. I want him.”

Let’s go back to analyzing Midori - she has a crush on another main character, Nobu, who’s a son of a Buddhist priest and doesn’t express his emotions that much, in contrary to Midori. Although Nobu cares deeply about Midori, he still distances himself from her, going as far as joining the gang lead by a boy who regularly bullies Midori.

THE. THE. THE MF PARALLELS. Higuchi is Midori, who expresses her feelings to Nobu a lot, while Akutagawa is Nobu, who ignores Midori despite caring about her as well.

In the end, Midori and Nobu never got a chance to be together because of their conflicting backgrounds and family professions. But since Asagiri-sensei loves reversing aspects from the irl authors, (*cough cough* Akutagawa & Dazai and Ranpo & Poe *cough cough*), what if that’s the case with Higuchi? What if, in the bsd version, Higuchi managed to join the same profession as Akutagawa?

What if, Higuchi knew Akutagawa since they were kids, took a liking to him, and decided to join the PM for him?

No, I’m serious, it’s actually possible. Look at the cover for the chapter where Higuchi sets out to rescue Aku :

The chapter title - “An occupation that does not suit her”, just further proves the point that Higuchi joined the PM not because of her own will.

Now, look at the art. There are bandages wrapped around Higuchi’s leg, and they’re tied to Akutagawa’s body. Perhaps symbolism that Higuchi doesn’t truly belong in the PM, but her loyalty to Akutagawa is restricting her, trapping her in the organization?

In conclusion, someone give Higuchi a big hug. Especially any of these theories are true - she deserves it.

[beann-e]

inspiration from the tiktok audio “ I don’t love you i’m just passing the time “

This was never about you. Honestly you were surprised it took you so long to notice.

No that was a lie you weren’t surprised because it was his fault he never told you flat out that he wasn’t expecting much from you. It’s not that he wasn’t interested he just — he didn’t know what to do. Of course he thought you were beautiful and that’s what scared him but at the same time gave him the energy to talk to you.

His personality was known for leading him to talk to beautiful people.

He was sure he’d never date you because, his heart belonged to kiyoko .

No one could ever top her or at least that’s what he thought until you came along. Here you were in all your beauty putting anyone else to shame that dared to stand next to you.

You were perfect for him and after a couple months you were all his. He adored you even after highschool when you two finally decided to move in together.

he told you every day how much he loved you. His love even trickling down to his actions when he would ask you to do couple things appearing out of no where with a request

‘ y/n how about black hair dye huh ? wanna try something new together i’ll color my hair too ! ‘

you instantly agreeing to every ask all of them ranging from

‘ hey y/n , have you always been able to see? are you sure because you were squinting just awhile ago we can get you glasses I mean I don’t care about price if it’s for you —no no I think we should—let’s do black square rims ? i think they would fit your pretty face ‘

to

‘ babe when you do your makeup this time try some face designs their so cool I see them all the time on my instagram here — can I try ‘ him smiling before sitting next to you and guiding the eyeliner out of your reluctant hand a tight smile drawn across your face

Him smiling when you turned to the mirror to see a small black dot next to your lips. ‘ you look so pretty with it ‘

You hadn’t noticed until the volleyball reunion when you sat in a circle with all the old members and tsukishimas mouth spilling out his harsh words unbothered by your reaction “ why the hell do we have two kiyokos now? “

his glasses moving down on his nose as he spoke again “ y/n i’m sure we only need one I personally prefer the original she looks more “ his head tilted as his eyes ran over your new look “ natural“

“ yeah I was actually wondering that but I didn’t wanna bring it up first I um y/n are you trying to look like kiyoko or “

your small cough coming out and drawing all the attention back to you as you felt the same woman turn to face you her own eyes now seeing what the others were talking about “ of — of course not I — “

“ eh what the fuck “ your boyfriends voice coming out loudly as he now sat pissed off with the group “ are you pricks trying to say I couldn’t get over kiyoko or some shit “

“ what what no tanaka-san we “ sugawaras voice coming out to try to let the tension fizzle out

“ no because I’m feeling like there’s something being unsaid here“ he grunted “ if anyone has anything else to say badly about my s/o then they should just fuck off “

“ tanaka “ you screamed

“ no i’m tired of people thinking I can’t get shimizu out of my head I can —I can and I will “

“ y-you will ? “

“ I mean I have “ his eyes locked with yours as he spoke low “ I have “

The room grew quiet as he stood the chair he sat in being pushed back as he walked off you standing up too offering a small smile to everyone in the circle “ sorry if you’ll excuse me “

“ your good—I think he needs you a little bit more than we do right now“ daichis voice came out a bit more concerned than he wanted it too

Your figure being seen getting smaller and smaller as you ran after your boyfriend to the kitchen grabbing his arm loosely “ babe I “

“ let go y/n “

“ but I — tanaka what’s up why are you acting like this “

“ I said let the fuck go y/n “ his voice boomed as he yanked his arm from you your body moving back a little due to the strength he’d pulled it back with “ i’m going to go get a drink I can’t handle those assholes alone “

“ your — you’re not alone tanaka i’m with you ill handle them with you “

A smile slowly spreading across your face when he stopped moving only to turn over his shoulder biting his lip as he stood thinking to himself his hand pointing to the kitchen “ for some reason that only makes me need a drink even more “

You nodded softly as he rolled his eyes at you “ you do understand correct ? “

“ yeah yeah no of course “ you smiled tightly as he walked off and you walked back to the crowded living room trying to contain your tears that wanted to spill so badly usually when he acted like this he’d drink himself to sleep.

You sat down on the floor letting yourself join the huddle as everyone spoke you getting lost in your thoughts. It wasn’t often that this happened but when it did it never went the way you would want it to. He would always get distant instead of becoming clingy like you would rather. He’d become meaner with his words instead of thinking of you before speaking like he usually would.

“ prick only ever thinking of himself —a stupid child“ you whispered out thinking of your boyfriend and his future actions that you could already predict

“ yeah shoyos gotta be— the asshole requested it “ kageyama whispered to you as you turned to see hinata sitting across from you waving to you when he met your gaze making you speak softly with a smile “ sweet “

“ hey y/n wanna play dare or dare with us ? “

you shook your head laughing a bit “ what are we teenagers again“ you laughed a bit louder “ but no i’ll — i’ll pass “

“ aw come on your the only other chick here besides kiyoko “

“ no no no you guys go ahead i’ll just watch “

everyone sighed as they began the game you hearing loud steps pound through the house as your boyfriends loud voice cut through the laughter “ what you pricks started without me “

“ yeah uh just join tanaka- san “

“ fuck yeah “ he wobbled over to sit next to daichi not locking eyes with you only smiling at everyone around the table taking a long swig of the liquor bottle he’d sat on the table in his adventure over.

The air that was once tense seemed to calm down as everyone started drinking and suggesting dares. You smiling as you looked at everyone this had to be the best night of your life finally getting to see all your friends again after kageayma and hinata traveled non stop and everyone else never had the time to have a party.

You patted yourself on the back seeing everyone having such a good night.

“ ok ok last dare “ nishinoya burped out as he shakily raised his hand already drunk off his ass his words sluring as he spoke “ I dare tanaka—san to “ he took another gulp from the bottle only to push it aside and open the new one that laid dormant between the two of you “ to kiss the prettiest person in the room “

Everyones eyes widening as they all broke out into a laughing fit “ fucking nishinoyas so stupid “

“ this asshole just wasted a dare on an obvious answer “

hinata rubbing the said males back as his head finally dropped to the table cheek hitting the brown table as he laughed “ ha yeah sure ‘m stupid —real stupid “

he smiled drunkenly laughing at the tables comments “ haha its obviously not that obvious “

Your heart dropped smile only following as you looked from nishinoyas eyes to the scene playing in front of you. Your boyfriends lips locked on another pair that weren’t your own. His hands coming up to the back of her head to push her closer to him as he hungrily pressed his lips onto hers

Her eyes wide as his were closed almost like he was enjoying this “ what “ you whispered out as a rough hand came in contact with tanakas shoulder grabbing it and pulling him back

“ what the fuck you asshole “ tsukishimas voice was threatening as he stared down on the male genuinely confused “ what the hell do you think your doing “

“ hey blondy is that anyway to speak to someone older than you“ he scoffed “ mind your manners child “

“ mind— mind your manners? “ your voice was short and quiet as your eyes darted around the room eyes blinking back the surprise they held as everyone turned to face you only making this deepening pit in your stomach grow.

“ why— tanaka— san why would you do that “

“ what — whatd I do this time suga huh — first it was having a crush on kiyoko everyone was screaming how I wouldn’t get her ha “ he scoffed “ fucking assholes were right so here I am with a fucking backup “

He shook his head as he leaned it back to stare up at the ceiling “ shitty arts and crafts project of building her because I couldn’t have the original — fucking sad “

your heart broke “ sitting here pretending kissing y/n is the same as kissing kiyoko — hell I didn’t even wanna kiss y/n right now i wanted to kiss kiy— “

“ shitty asshole you just did “ tsukishimas voice raised his eyes holding the anger you couldn’t even hold for yourself “ you just did right in front of your s/o “

“ well with them looking the same how the fuck was I suppose to tell “ he laughed “ that’s what you said earlier right ? so what’s so wrong with me enforcing it ? “ he scoffed “ everyone already believed it right so why the fuck does it matter they look the same, act the same , talk the fucking same so in the end I kissed y/n right— ha “

your body hurt just like your heart and your brain was spinning “ why would you — why would you date me tanaka if you didn’t want me “

“ did it look like I was gonna get kiyoko anytime soon — your a ditz — the whole time i’m doing this to get over her and you just became her “

you sat silently blinking back the tears that you held throat holding a sob that wanted to make its way out “ get the fuck out “

“ excuse m—”

“ GET THE FUCK OUT “ you screamed your tears disappearing and turning into anger “ get out get out get out “ you screamed hands reaching out to punch him over the table as you repeated the phrase

“ ok— ok stop stop “

“ no no no get the fuck out I paid for this I paid I paid “ you screaming like a child throwing a tantrum in a supermarket him only moving to stand and walk to the bedroom drunkenly to grab his clothes “ just let me grab my stuff i’ll be out of your hair for the night “

you raged as he made his way into your once shared bedroom forgetting the living room full of people as you ran after him to rip the clothes out of his hand that he held. All the items you’d bought with your hard earned money. The shoes you’d spent over 50$ on for his birthday in his hand along with the limited edition shirt you’d bought for him after he begged for it screaming that was his favorite player.

The items that you’d stayed up four hours for the night of just to buy it for him with your paycheck that week. Your thoughts only making you more upset when you thought back to everything you’d done for the male and the stuff he’d done for y—

he’d done absolutely nothing for you in this whole relationship and this only pissed you off more at the thought

Your heart broke again when you noticed you were already screaming at him again “ get the hell out “

“ i’m going fuck y/n “

“ go faster asshole “

“ what so no clothes ? “ he laughed “ come on that’s pretty harsh —baby it’s cold out give me a jacket or something at least until morning when I come back home “

“ morning “ you scoffed “ you’ll need a jacket for awhile tanaka because your not coming back in my house so freeze your ass off out there or go with your high school crush and her husband “

His once smiling face turning into an angry one as he stepped closer to you the alcohol spilling from his breath and onto your face as he stared down at you “ the fuck are you bringing that up for “

“ your the one who went around kissing a married woman “ you were gonna rub this all in his face. You couldn’t wait until kiyokos husband beat up the drunken deadbeat in front of you.

“I thought it was you “

“ yeah sure after you gave me a makeover to look like her i’m sure you did tanaka “

“ so fucking ungrateful “

“ oh now i’m ungrateful “

“ yeah you are “ his voice got louder as he pointed between you and him “ I made you into the woman I love — the perfect woman you should be on your knees thanking me right now “

“ aw should I “ you sighed “ god what’s wrong with me “

“ exactly now give me my stuff back i’m going to bed this is fucking with my head ’m drunk and I wanna bask in it for a minute — maybe forget you just tried to kick me out so I don’t get on your ass in the morning “

“ yeah of course babe you need your rest “ you nodded as he walked towards your door to pick up where you’d thrown his clothes only for you run and jump on his back arms wrapping around his neck your legs wrapping around his torso “ i’m gonna kill you— you asshole “

“ what the fuck “

“ then i’m gonna lock your body in my fucking freezer or even have daichi fake an arrest you prick— you’ve made my life a living hell — and now you wanna sleep— in my house “

You weren’t sure how he ended up leaving all you knew is that your heart seriously broke when you finally locked the door and rested your forehead against it. Tears spilling from your eyes for the first time that night. You’d gone crazy you had to have because just a few hours ago you almost choked the male to death after jumping on his back like a pro wrestler you were really going crazy

Your body relaxed as you felt a warmth make it’s way over to you only for it to tense when a familiar hand caressed your back and tried to lift your upper body up and away from the floor you’d fell onto sometime that night “ come on y/n —at least let me help you to the couch “ a sigh made it’s way through the house “ I promise you can wallow in your shitty tear soaked shirt after I make sure your comfortable and not hurting “

a cough quickly followed “ physically that is — this shits gotta hurt emotionally “

Your words coming out in a slurred whine like a child “ but it’s dirty — it needs to be cleaned “

“ would I tell you to go sit down if it wasn’t “ he spit back as he finally got you to fall into his chest after leading you over to the couch turning off the hallway light and leaving the lamp next to the couch on.

Him sighing out and shifting uncomfortably as you cried into his shirt causing him to need to distract himself from the crying woman in his arms. How the hell did he end up the nice one in this situation

Why did he push everyone out the house? He could’ve left hell he could’ve copied nishinoya and stolen the leftover four liquor bottles you had laid out on the table before everything happened

he wasn’t a comforting person so why would he shoo everyone else that could’ve helped you away?

he scoffed as he tried to fiddle with his sleeves only to take off his glasses and clean them over and over again

“ how many times are you gonna clean them “ you sniffled into his chest

“ until you finish acting like a baby — I feel like I have a kid ? Like i’m a parent I mean what do parents do” his hand softly came down on your head to pet your hair softly unsure why to do in this situation “ I uh— do you want warm milk ? chocolate or strawberry or is it my baby’s bedtime ? “

“ shut up tsuki “ he laughed as he felt you snuggle up closer to him “ so why are you — of all people —the only one that stayed everyone else must think i’m crazy or something “

“ eh I mean they already thought you were we were making bets before we walked in here on what you’d changed this time to look like kiyoko “

you slapping his arm softly before laughing “ god do I really look like her “

His once stoic face grew sad as his eyes ran over your facial features his eyebrows furrowing as he looked down on you “ yeah — yeah you really do — that crazy asshole “ he shook his head hand reaching out to touch your hair again feeling how burned it was from constantly flat ironing it and curling it like tanaka wanted “ god what did he do to you “

“ build a y/n “ you laughed as he stood up his own words following quickly after yours “ come on “

“ what “ you said as you stared at his open outstretched hand “ what’s going on “

“ let’s go “ you shook your head no “ look do you wanna change back or no “

You swallowed the lump in your throat before nodding slowly and taking his hand to travel with him to the bathroom. Him speaking to you softly only loud enough for you to try and figure out some of the words you couldn’t.

“ for some reason I miss old y/n — and I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing em’ again preferably across the table from me in a booth at 2:30 saturday with strawberry cake in front us? “

[hbxplain]

✌️Masterpost✌️

add yourself to my taglist here, or dm me to be removed 😁

📝 Prompt Fills (#prompt fills)

The Right Time

1,181 words - Fantasy/Romance

Content Warnings: Drowning

“We can’t die like this. We can’t! We have so much to- and my ma- and your cats, god, they won’t understand why you’re not there-”

“And I’ll never get to kiss you.”

“And you’ll never get to- wait, what?!”

If I Cannot Bend Heaven, Then I Will Raise Hell

173 words - Fantasy

An angel defects.

Viva La Magic's Tavern

2,352 words - Low Fantasy

Content Warnings: ableism

A disabled human named Magic runs a restaurant for magical creatures. One day, a strong wizard challenges that.

☼☼☼-

😈 Seven Lovely Sins (#sls)

WIP Intro: Comic Sans Powerpoint

70k+ words so far, unfinished! - Drama/Fantasy/Romance

Seven demons, each a representative of a different deadly sin, are sent down to Urth to Tempt a human into forfeiting their soul. Along the way, however, some of these demons find themselves feeling a little too strongly about their assigned mortals to let go of them that easily--love, hate, and trust draw the demons' attention. Maybe these assignments will take a little longer than expected…

Seven Lovely Sins is an anthology (sort of) of 7 short stories wherein a demon is tasked with Tempting a mortal, but slowly builds a relationship of some sort with them instead. Each demon and mortal pair is made up of characters from my various TTRPGs, but knowledge of those isn't needed to understand the story!

Full Chapters/Scenes

Part 1: Pride

1.0 - 1k words - Tu, Miss Lane, Demons

The first demon meeting, where Miss Lane gives Tu her mission: to Tempt a mortal named Tigh into engaging in the deadly sin of Pride.

1.1 - 3k words - Tu, Tigh, Sienne, Aeryn

Tu meets Tigh (and his obnoxious coworker, Sienne) and follows them to a coffee shop called CC Brews, where she meets Aeryn. Also, she has a tiny crush.

1.2 - 3.5k words - Tu, Tigh, Miss Lane briefly

Tu asks Tigh on a date in an attempt to feed his ego. It goes maybe a little too well.

Tag Games

Heads Up 7 Up

Part 3: Greed / Vatana, Vatesh

Find the Words

Part 3: Greed / Vatana, Tigh, Vice, Tu; and Part 1: Pride / Tu

Incorrect Quotes

Heads Up 7 Up

Part 4: Lust / Taylor, Izzy, Miss Lane

Find the Word

Part 1: Pride / Tu, Tigh

☼☼☼-

😇 False Pretenses (#fp)

50k words, unfinished - Romance/Low Fantasy

In short: polyamorous fake dating soulmate AU about a human, an angel, and a demon. Description below:

Levi is a human. Ey expected the two people who answered eir craigslist ad for fake dates to also be human… but instead ey got Valor, an angel, and Triz, a demon. Now Levi has to cover up Triz’s demonic nature to pretend to be soulmates with Valor in front of god, only to turn right around and cover up Valor’s angelic nature to be lovey-dovey in front of the devil, too. And then it’s time for the worst judge of all… Levi’s own, human, parents. The whole thing sounds like more trouble than it’s worth, but under threat of eir parents ruining eir life when ey eventually bring home actual girlfriends, ey’re willing to pretend… until ey realize ey’re unfortunately falling for the angel and demon by eir side.

Snippets

Lying Excerpt

Fake Soulmate Prep

Levi, Val, and Triz get to know each other in the angels' domain, preparing to fake a soulmate bond.

Tag Games

Find the Word

☼☼☼-

👻 147 Years (#147y)

Drafted, unfinished, made for the 24hr challenge - Fantasy/Romance

When a child is stillborn at the same time as two lovers die, all three ghosts are trapped in the same infant body. As the undead body grows, so do the ghosts' problems, and they're forced to come to an agreement all while the body continues automatically hoovering up stray souls. In a story focused on themes of love, hatred, individualism, and sense of self, Chi Pin fights to find a place in a world not meant for them.

☼☼☼-

✍🏼 Miscellaneous Works

Villainous Thing (#villainous thing)

50k words - High Fantasy/Romance

Tropes: Hurt/Comfort, Guardian Angel, Villain AU

Content Warnings: Drowning, Death Mention, Brief Torture Scene

Ileao, a guardian angel, receives an unusual assignment: watch over and report on a mortal villain named Alexander. As that mortal villain slowly but surely drags em into his life of crime, ey start to think he may not be as ‘evil’ as eir angelic superiors made him out to be, and that eir angelic ‘morals’ might not be so moral after all.

Magus Opus (#magus opus)

16k words - High Fantasy/Romance

Tropes: Hurt/Comfort

Magic, the most powerful dark sorcerer in the world, sets out on a quest with a Light Mage scout named Halo to stop the magic war. Together they explore themes of disability, addiction, friendship, and romance as their relationship grows.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Skellys kid (main 10) asks where children come from.

Undertale Sans - He slaps a huge science book on the table. You want to learn how to make children? Then learn by yourself because it's too much work and he's not doing it. Have fun. He already did his job with Papyrus, he's not doing it again.

Undertale Papyrus - He goes to fetch Sans' science book and reads it with the kid and tries to explain the hard things. He wants his child to be ready and have all the knowledge clearly. You know, not like what Sans did with him, dying of laughter after he asked what a penis was and where he could find one because he's a skeleton.

Underswap Sans - "WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? YOU'RE FIVE, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE A GIRL/BOY/QUEER MATE." He's not ready to let his baby grow up, please ask again in a few years or go ask your other parent. Or Honey.

Underswap Papyrus - Omg! He was ready for the talk the first day his S/O told him they were pregnant. He made a video to explain everything with lots of pictures and funny drawings. He's so proud of showing it to his kid. The kid is confused about why their dad is so excited about the all thing, but at least it's answering their questions.

Underfell Sans - Oh no. The kid knows he made a mistake the second Red's grin grows wider. He made a cercle with his left hands, takes his middle finger, and the kid runs away to cry in Uncle Edge's arms because they don't want to know anymore and they're traumatised.

Underfell Papyrus - He gives you his old dating manual, which helps the kid to learn how to get into a relationship from crush to baby. It worked with him even if he's still confused about what the "sim" from the "dating sim manual" title is.

Horrortale Sans - Uuuuuh... He... doesn't know anymore? Like, he knows he's supposed to know. He had the kid. But right now it's like everything got erased from his brain and he's just staring blankly at the kid, trying to find the answer. The kid pokes his cheek after five minutes to make sure he's not dead, because he's still looking at them and said nothing. Scary.

Horrortale Papyrus - Oh boy. He was not ready to have this talk today and he's panicking a bit, giving the child hasardous explanations and filling the holes with cooking metaphors because he's baking a cake right now. He made a bun just to put it in the oven. The kid is still confused, but all this food made them hungry so they don't care anymore about how to make kid.

Swapfell Sans - He has a shark grin. "You make Mommy scream until she pops out a child out of her body magically." The kid is confused. The next day, Nox is called in the school's principal office because his kid kept biting people to "make them pop out a kid magically". Nox answers he has no idea what they're talking about and won't look anyone in the eyes as he's running towards the exit.

Swapfell Papyrus - "easy. you bite their stomach, a parasite grows in there, then he rips their belly off to get out and starts to eat people." The kid is about to cry. Rus is so proud of him. S/O comes later to kill him after the kid did nothing but Alien's nightmares for two weeks thanks to his bullshit.