#where T might give them euphoria

[could-t-have-saved-him]

Submitted by: Me!!!

Propaganda: A large part of his character Arc in season 1 is the fight between Powder and Jinx as they relate to his own identity. This culminates in the last episode, where other people are fighting for "their version" of him to win. This idea of people trying to tell you who you are when you're already confused about it is very transmasculine. I don't think it would help in the class war, however.

[forsworned]

I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE SOMEBODY'S WATCHING ME ft. LOGAN WALKER

Warning(s): Sexual Content, Solo Sex (f.), Usage of Sex Toys, Voyeurism, AFAB!reader,

Author's note: @keegansshark because you inspired me!!!!

Being the Walker brother's third roommate is awfully quiet. In fact, half of your time here is spent apologizing about any ruckus you might be causing them whether it be your music, the loud clattering in the kitchen, or having a friend or two over. But they insist that it's fine. Giving you grand, boyish, heartthrob smiles that make you melt like a popsicle on a hot pavement.

Unlike Logan, Hesh is more outgoing, and talkative, and not staring you down from across the room when you're attempting to complete your work. He's asking you about your day, telling you to tag along with him and his brother when they go gyming and somehow is always sitting on the opposite end of the table when you're going out to eat, leaving you next to Logan every time.

And sometimes there's a sneaky, mischievous glance sent Logan's way followed by a pained expression that's stifled with laughter on his older's brother face.

But that was neither here nor there. However, upon finding out that the Walker brothers were going to spend the weekend out camping, you took it as an opportunity to be as noisy as you wanted. As much as you adored them, you felt relieved not having to walk on eggshells around them when it came to your sonorousness.

A deep exhale leaves your chest as your body hits your mattress. It had been a long week and you wanted nothing more than to unwind. Unfortunately, you didn't have a boyfriend to fuck your brains out so you settle for the vibrator in your locked drawer. You fish out the keys from your pocket and unlatch it. It wasn't a stellar collection of sex toys, more like just the essentials.

You decide upon your favorite, old reliable, first Eve's thruster and tug off your shorts and panties, tossing them carelessly to the side of your bed. It's a little depressing that you have to resort to such methods, but it was going to be a long weekend, so what better way to start it off then with some solo sex?

You turn it in and slowly work yourself up and the image of Logan flits into your mind. How good he would feel between your legs right now, filling you up with his cock and gazing down at you with those pretty hazel eyes of his. It's hardly been a few minutes before you feel yourself sopping at the mere notion of him touching you, and you're sliding the vibrator past your folds imagining that it's him inside of you.

His name spills from your lips over and over again, so sticky sweet, and delectable to the ears of any man if they had the pleasure of listening in on you.

So luckily for Logan, he's back at the apartment complex, fumbling with his keys to unlock the door after Hesh had forgotten to pack propane fuel. It isn't a huge deal, certainly not enough to sour his mood. An earnest mistake that Logan is more than willing to make up for for his older brother.

Too entranced by your own euphoria, you don't hear the door unlocking, nor it opening and the footsteps that follow, but Logan certainly hears your wanton breathy moans, reverberating into the hallways leading to the living room. He halts dead in his tracks and he's pondering about how he should approach the situation. He's thinking that maybe you happen to be watching a movie with a sex scene and it will pass at any moment. But it's past five minutes now and he's thinking otherwise.

His heart thuds against his chest as he stands there completely paralyzed, but his body isn't the only rigid thing. If it weren't obvious to you yet, Logan had a raging crush on you, and Hesh would be happy to take any opportunity to tease him about it. So the sound of you moaning is definitely getting him riled up. His eyes dart to the propane that sat on the kitchen island where stupid Hesh had left it and he's quietly making his way over to grab it and leave without alerting you, but then he hears you calling out his name. And then, again, and again and again.

As each passing second ticks by, the urgency in your whimpers intensifies, and Logan's legs seem to act autonomously, losing sight of their original purpose. He silently stalks to the ajar door of your bedroom and his eyes ream at your sopping, wet pussy out for display, hammering away at it with your hot pink, dildo that's thrusting into you. You're throwing your head back in pure rapture and his dick fully bricked up on sight. His Adam's apple bobs up and down, swallowing thickly as he absentmindedly palms at his dick.

It's so fucking wrong. And he's so aware of that, but it doesn't stop him from burning the image of you getting yourself off to him in his mind. His desire to step into the room is magnifying by the minute, but he holds himself back. The way your mouth is parting as you reach your climax is so, so, so delicious. The salacious sighs that escape you drive him wild and honestly, he could cum right now. It wouldn't even take long. One touch from that pretty mouth of yours and he would be coloring you a pretty, ivory white.

And just when you're about to orgasm, the creak of your door jostles you, stopping you mid-thrust and you could almost die when you see Logan's form leaning against the doorway. The blood drains from your face as you take in his unbuttoned jeans, undone zipper, and his hand slipping into his boxers. His hazel eyes might just be as wide as yours and the embarrassing sound of your machine is still going off and you practically rip it out of you, but your unexpected orgasm reels you in for a moment. It halts you as your bach archs and you gasp out in a fervent daze. It's humiliating as you gawk at your pulsating, drenched pussy in horror and you're scrambling to get up and somehow apologize??? But by the time you can even catch your breath to pull on your shorts, you hear the front door slam.

You make a dash for the window to see, Logan climb into Hesh's truck and they seem to be having a brief conversation before they're back on the road. The blood is rushing to your face as you watch them pull away. Oh God. What were you going to do!?

[jwanniie]

That soyeon fic was so good I love your works sm 🥹 I’m not sure if you’re taking requests right now but can you do reader asking stepsis soyeon how to eat pussy properly and sy just eating her out on her bed?

Aww, thank you so much love! I really appreciate that!!💋🤭

Pairings: Stepsis Soyeon x fem reader!

Warning: pussy eating, cum eating, reader gets caught masturbating, Soyeon smokes, drinks etc… , stepsis x stepsis, fuck girl Soyeon, not proofread, typos, fingering,Oral, and just pure smut!!

Word count:1k (1,047)

Jwans note: I’m sorry babe! I posted this late😭 hope you still enjoy!!😘

—————————————————————————

Whatever the fuck you are feeling for your stepsister soyeon wasn’t something normal to feel. As soon as Soyeon walked into your life, you couldn’t help but drool at her.

To say she was unbelievably hot was an understatement. The way she took the joint between her fingers while blowing the steam off her lungs never failed to make your panties drenched. Or the way the smoke found its way to your nose, intoxicating you.

Her room always smelled like weed, cigarettes and alcohol, three things that ruined humans health but managed to make them feel the way too good but short euphorias. You honestly never liked the smell of this combination or even found anyone who smoked attractive, it was a big turn off for you. But the way this jumped out of the window as soon as you saw soyeon was crazy. It was only Soyeon who looked hot doing it.

One thing you disliked about Soyeon was the chicks that went in and out of her room every day. They went inside with a little to no clothing and came out with one of her oversized shirts early in the morning, their hair open and their nipples pattern visible.

Now you might wonder, where was your parents? Your father and her mom met at their workplace, and since the wedding day they have been occupied with work and trips. So you meet them once every few months and Soyeon has all of the chances to be as rebellious as she wants. The jealousy would linger inside you every night, the way her bed was right against your bed, just a thin wall between it, you could hear every little noise those girls let out, how good Soyeon was fucking them.

You wished she could look at you the way she looked at those random chicks that visited every night, or maybe no, you don’t want to be a one night thing, you wanted her to actually feel something for you. Not just her stepsister who she can fuck with when she’s feeling extra freaky.

—

You were laying flat against the soft cushioned surface while your fingers worked messily inside you. You huff in frustration, your fingers not giving you the satisfaction you desperately need. You tightly shut your eyes imagining Soyeon eating you out while her fingers worked inside you, your own hand found your cunt again and the scenario in your head and your fingers making it more pleasurable.

The scene that was playing in your head worked effectively and the knot in your stomach was soon untightening, your digits continued working sloppily and you started ranting Soyeons name continuosly.

"If you wanted me this bad you could have just asked princess!" Your eyes quickly opened and the embarrassment washes over you, your fingers never stopping nonethless. Without realizing your juices spill out of your hole, wetting the bedsheets and now the embarrassment is 10x worse. Wasn´t she supposed to be out with her friends?

You look everywhere but her face. Wanting to miss the shit eating grin. Her figure was leaning on the door frame. Her eyes were looking at you amused and the cigarette between her index and middle finger. The only thing you can smell now is the strangely arousing smoke smell. Slowly washing the shame away off your mind.

She walks towards your shivering frame, sitting at the edge of the bed, her eyes studying your features. "You have not been taken care of, and im here to make you feel so good, Princess!" she cups your face, her lust but tired filled eyes looking at your embarrased ones.

The ciggarette was at this point already wasted and she throws it somewhere deep in your room. She gently nudges your shoulder back, making you lay back. Your head deep into the pillows. She tries to position herself between your legs but you were quick to close them, feeling shy at someone seeing you this close.

“Open your legs for me baby. I want to take care of you!” She gripped your knees before spreading your legs apart. The sight in front of her got her head spinning. The excitement rushes through her body and without a warning, her tongue lays flat against your swollen clit. A shiver runs down your spine and you try to close your legs around her head. The pleasure too much. Her hand travels from your knees to grip your inner thighs, her strength making you unable to even move.

Her tongue starts lapping your clit while her other hand start to tease your hole. Spreading your gummy walls apart or thrusting inside to only pull out quickly. Her fingers leave your pussy and her tongue starts thrusting inside you. Your head sinks deeper into the pillow while you suck a deep breath in, your hand found her hair, tugging on it gently.

“F-fuck Soyeonie I want to know how to eat a pussy properly like y-you.” You managed to blurt out, she looks up at you with a big smug expression.

“I will show you how to eat a pussy properly baby!”

She dives back into your cunt, sucking on your aching bud harshly while her fingers started pounding your pussy again, curling them deep and slow. Hitting all of the spots that had you weak. The squelching and lewd sounds encouraging her to do better and your high pitched moans making her hump your bed, wanting some friction.

You raised your head up looking at what was happening. The sight was so fucking hot, better than what you have dreamed off, she was way too good, eating you like a starved woman.

She picked up her pace, now rough and fast, her long slender fingers managing to hit your g-spot effortlessly. You soon were over the edge and your cum covered her face, she licked you clean. The way your pussy was clenching and unclenching around her tongue only made her to go harder before letting you rest.

“You did so good for me baby.” Her thumb now caressed your cheeks while kissing the top of your head.

“Now it’s my turn to make you feel good!” You slid between her legs before copying everything she did to you, trying to make her feel good.

[gay-questions]

Tips for the closeted masc transmascs to feel more masculine!! (flexing arm emoji)

Buy cheap cologne, OR find yourself a perfume that smells more masculine. Make sure you like it too!

If you have to wear bras, find a brand of soft bras with no wires, that have pockets where that padding is. Taking out the padding makes them more comfy than wearing a padded bra or one with cups. Wearing dark loose shirts with that will hide those bumps the bra pads are supposed to.

Try speaking in a lower voice! You don't have to make it deeper, I know you might not want to be asked why you're speaking differently. But just focus on getting your voice out of your throat and instead speaking from your chest / stomach. Try to practice keeping your voice at the same level when you get excited. Listen to male music artists and practice singing with them! Try to sing like them. This helps somewhat.

If you can't get your hair cut as short as you like, don't sweat it! Lots of well known and loved men throughout history have had long hair. You still look handsome, don't worry.

If you have to wear women's clothing, try to buy your jeans a little loose, this way your feminine curves can be hidden somewhat (if you have dysphoria about your shape). Thrift stores have a lot more loose jeans in the women's section than you'll ever find at regular clothing stores.

Go a size up in T-shirts if you have a larger chest! Or just in general if you are uncomfortable with your body shape or you just like the look.

There's no shame in body hair. If we weren't supposed to have it, it wouldn't be there, right? So let it grow! Hair has no gender, but it still helps some to feel more masculine.

Make yourself a euphoria playlist! It helps more than you think. Grab some songs that make your heart scream "gender" and smash that into something that gives you hope and ideas.

You may already have a chosen name, but to alleviate dysphoria around unsafe people / family members, try going by a masculine nickname of your birth name! Whether it's shortened or switched around or whatever works for you!

You are valid and you are enough no matter what you look like! I just thought I'd give some tips for anyone else who struggles the way I did <3

It's okay to be masculine!! Own it.

Wow, this is great! Thanks so much anon, I think this is really helpful.

[our-ftm-experience]

Hi! I sent this ask to another account but realized it hasn't been active for a while so I'm sending it here too if that's okay. Sorry about how long it is.

Tips for the closeted masc transmascs to feel more masculine!! (flexing arm emoji)

Buy cheap cologne, OR find yourself a perfume that smells more masculine. Make sure you like it too!

If you have to wear bras, find a brand of soft bras with no wires, that have pockets where that padding is. Taking out the padding makes them more comfy than wearing a padded bra or one with cups. Wearing dark loose shirts with that will hide those bumps the bra pads are supposed to.

Try speaking in a lower voice! You don't have to make it deeper, I know you might not want to be asked why you're speaking differently. But just focus on getting your voice out of your throat and instead speaking from your chest / stomach. Try to practice keeping your voice at the same level when you get excited. Listen to male music artists and practice singing with them! Try to sing like them. This helps somewhat.

If you can't get your hair cut as short as you like, don't sweat it! Lots of well known and loved men throughout history have had long hair. You still look handsome, don't worry.

If you have to wear women's clothing, try to buy your jeans a little loose, this way your feminine curves can be hidden somewhat (if you have dysphoria about your shape). Thrift stores have a lot more loose jeans in the women's section than you'll ever find at regular clothing stores.

Go a size up in T-shirts if you have a larger chest! Or just in general if you are uncomfortable with your body shape or you just like the look.

There's no shame in body hair. If we weren't supposed to have it, it wouldn't be there, right? So let it grow! Hair has no gender, but it still helps some to feel more masculine.

Make yourself a euphoria playlist! It helps more than you think. Grab some songs that make your heart scream "gender" and smash that into something that gives you hope and ideas.

You may already have a chosen name, but to alleviate dysphoria around unsafe people / family members, try going by a masculine nickname of your birth name! Whether it's shortened or switched around or whatever works for you!

You are valid and you are enough no matter what you look like! I just thought I'd give some tips for anyone else who struggles the way I did <3

It's okay to be masculine!! Own it.

hell yeah, great tips

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for telling my two friends that they might be “soulmates”?

okay for privacy sake i will use abbreviations… so i (27NB) have two coworkers-turned-friends named T (28M) and B (27M)… they had known eachother before i ever met them and were both to my knowledge straight and cis

the three of us game a lot and have hung out every week over the past 8 months since i met them. T and B feel like they could have been my brothers separated at birth; we get along great and have the same humor. they treat me like “one of the guys” and it gives me a lot of euphoria as a transmasc enby

some nights we spend listening to eachother talk about specific interests that each of us has. B is a DM and is obsessed with D&D, T loves politics and history so he rants about it a lot, and i’m into psychology and personality typing. we each like talking about these things but are casual-enjoyers compared to the respective person who has more of a die-hard obsession. it’s a good way to unwind; getting drunk or high and listening to somebody else go off the rails about a topic you enjoy

i just recently got a new book about personality typing. to sum up, it deals a lot with how others interact with eachother and what each person values (it’s a socionics book). tbh it’s all just fun for me, i love reading theories about behavior. both T and B have had me “type” them and they’re entertained by it so when i got this new book and we hung out two nights ago i was excited to have some drinks and rant about the book i’m reading…

they were excited, too. i was tipsy while ranting but i remember a lot of laughing and me pacing around while i talked. i may or may not have accidentally knocked over one of B’s lamps when i walked past it. but it was all just positive reactions to what i was talking about. i talked a lot their own personalities, but neither of them seemed bothered. they’ve said before that they kinda like it when i “psychoanalyze” them…

here’s where i maybe am an asshole.

after i got too drunk to keep ranting, we started playing mario kart. playing mario kart while drunk is hilarious tbh and we aren’t competitive people much. T and B are always pretty nice to eachother about it. so, in the last round we were playing B knocked T out of first place at the last second and other than a playful slap on the arm/joking insult T didn’t really seem to mind. he even complimented B on managing to do it while drunk. i’ve definitely had friends play mario kart and attack me for doing a lot less than what B did

so, stupid and drunk, i made the connection in my brain what two types they might be from the book i’m reading. i told them as much and they both seemed interested but want to know why i thought that. i pointed out that they are both a little soft around eachother and tend to have similar values. i explained the two types i thought they each fit and they seemed to agree up until i explained… that those two types are considered “soulmates” (the book also calls it “duality”) which might be why they are so close

immediately T got kinda defensive. he asked me what i meant by that and i stupidly told him more about it rather than noticing his tone. he was a little too quiet after i finished talking so i tried to make it better him by telling him it was “just pseudoscience” because honestly it is. when T didn’t speak for a minute or two after that, B got up to go to the bathroom.

i don’t have a super clear memory of what B’s reaction was since i was focused on T, but i vaguely remember him looking happy about it before T spoke and until i saw his face when he got up i figured he hadn’t been bothered. B is a bubbly kinda guy, always smiling, but when he left he looked hurt, sad…

i was pretty confused. i’m not great at social cues and even worse if nobody tells me how they feel. jfc add drunk on top of it and i’m lost. T and B are usually patient about that and talk it out with me but we only ended up hanging out for maybe 20-30 mins afterward and when T and i left to go home nothing had really been resolved.

i had kinda forgotten about it when i went to bed that night but the next day i woke up to a text from T that essentially said “can you not talk about B and i like that we’ve had this issue before and we’re not gay”

as a queer person, both trans and bisexual, this is always a weird situation for me to be in. i’m not sure how to explain to a straight cis guy that “soulmates” can be platonic. i just texted back saying okay and kinda left it at that and B hasn’t mentioned it not even when i saw him at work yesterday. he seemed kinda quiet once or twice but not much different.

but tonight i have a shift at the same time as T and i’m worried i was already an asshole but that i’ll be an even bigger asshole if i push this topic any further. idk it feels unresolved

tl;dr i implied two of my straight cis guy friends were “soulmates” and one of them got very awkward/defensive about it but the other got kinda sad. i want to ask them more about it and talk about it with them. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[lycandrophile]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

[sevensoulmates]

I really appreciate you making the buddie meta post for 7x4, taking that many hours of your time just to write it and sharing it with us. I'm really grateful, I was literally giggling and kicking my feet while reading your post 💕

What a wonderful episode, it still feels like an out of body experience and I'm so happy Buck is finally free (I'm still in disbelief they gave us bi Buck in such a beautiful way).

I really wonder how they will give us the Eddie coming out arc. ¿Do you have any theories at the moment? Also why does it feels like Marisol will be kicking rocks sooner than expected? 👀

Thank you again ❤️

Thank you so much!! I mean I always have so many thoughts going round and round in my head about this show at all times so at least this gives me a place to put em.

I was beyond happy with everything we got in this episode. 10/10 no notes. I'm getting the feeling next episode is gonna be similar but is also gonna have some plot twists as well. The possibility of a double date has me V~I~B~R~A~T~I~N~G especially if Eddie doesn't realize the entire time that BuckTommy are on a date. Eddie and his queer blinders runs so deep and I want to see the way his face changes when he realizes.

I loved how they handled Buck having this discovery and I'm beyond happy they're not going the "gay for you" route with Buck (and I hope not with Eddie either). I'm glad Buck can exist in the world as a bisexual man outside of his relationships, but also in conjunction with them. They're all a part of him and he deserves to finally be settled in that aspect of who he is.

I do get the feeling that Buck's gonna be so swept up in the euphoria of figuring out his sexuality that he's likely going to be attributing a lot of those feelings to Tommy where he actually isn't wholly the cause. Don't get me wrong, I do think Buck is genuinely interested and attracted to Tommy, and I'm excited to see where that goes, but we're already getting some hints about potential issues with their relationship and I'm very intrigued about where that will go.

My prediction for Buck is that he's going to dive headfirst into whatever he has with Tommy and start seeking out the feelings/connection he has with Eddie, but in Tommy. I think the date will have some hints at Buck and Tommy trying to connect in certain ways and Buck in the back of his head finding *something* missing.

As for Eddie....HOO boy. I think that he's gonna be in for an interesting time. There's a chance he might break up with Marisol in 7x05, or I was also seeing spec about breaking up in 7x07, etc. IDK ANYMORE!! As much as I PERSONALLY would like to see them break up next episode, I think it would also be interesting to extend that relationship out a bit more just to show Eddie's sexual struggles and have her as a foil.

I'll give you what I would LIKE to see instead of what I speculate might happen because at this point the information we do know is confusing.

I would like to see Eddie feeling visibly weird about Buck dating Tommy. The reasons for him feeling that way can be nebulous at the start. I want this to cause some issues with Marisol, but I want his primary issues with Marisol explored separately from BuckTommy as well.

I would love to see more of his incompatibility with Marisol explored, whether that's in terms of how they act on a date, how they talk to each other, maybe even sexually (?). I want Eddie to genuinely start questioning why once again he's not feeling anything in a relationship with a woman. Like Ana could've been a fluke, but now Marisol too? I want him to think about why he just forces these relationships into something full-blown when most people would be able to recognize they're not attracted/into someone after the first few dates and end it.

I would love to see him possibly being dissatisfied with sex (if they go the demi route) and being really confused about if it's the sex itself, or the woman he's having sex with. I want some definitive building blocks for Eddie being like "I don't understand why I don't feel attraction to her" leading to an eventual "I don't feel attraction to women" realization. I think that Eddie's queer realization arc deserves more nuance and time put into it and a slow unveiling. I think it can still overlap with BuckTommy, with his feelings regarding them confusing him even more.

Buck getting kissed once by a man, understanding and accepting his sexuality right away, and being excited about it makes sense for his character. Eddie on the other hand I think is gonna struggle with it a lot more. I would like to see those struggles highlighted. Bring in more of his family (parents, sisters, etc) and show him struggling with heteronormativity around them. Show Eddie struggling to act "normal" in his interaction with BuckTommy when they're around him as a pair.

I would love it if a surprise kiss in the heat of the moment came in somewhere. Whether Buck is/isn't with Tommy and Eddie is/isn't with Marisol, would provide different ramifications. But I don't want the kiss to immediately lead to them getting together. I want them to have to sit with it, and maybe Eddie can then deconstruct his feelings about men, his sexuality, and his feelings for Buck at the same time. I wouldn't mind this struggle continuing over the hiatus and into the season 8 opener, or having this be a season 8 storyline altogether.

Either way, I do firmly believe Eddie's queer arc is coming down the line, and what we're seeing now is going to be the foundation for him to work up to it. As we know, Eddie doesn't really have sudden realizations. He kind of lets things build and build until it explodes and he is forced to sit down and think about it.

Also I don't believe Tim Minear about his "spur of the moment idea to have them kiss". What a liar. They were filming the scene with Buck, Tommy, and Eddie at the helicopter hangar back in January. That was a whole 3 months ago. Oliver literally said it was his first day back on set. You can't tell me you filmed that without knowing how the episode was gonna end, Tim. What a lying liar who lies. I do believe him that bringing Tommy in to replace Lucy probably meant they could streamline the queer Buck storyline faster in the season, but I firmly believe he knew they were planning to get to it at some point. There's no way Tim could've gotten the green light for it from ABC that fast without major lengthy discussions, both with TPTB and the writer's room. People take a long fucking time to respond to emails, Tim. Get better at lying.

[transguydeuce]

queer twst headcanons pt 1: heartslabyul

ace: i think he's cis and questioning. he doesn't really think too hard abt that kind of thing, he was too busy ghosting his boring middle school gf lmao. he's cool w gay people in general (unless its deuce/j) but he's resistant to calling himself gay because he's "not supposed to be". he doesn't know what genders he's attracted to and neither do i. personally i could see him somewhere on the aroace spectrum? like it takes really specific qualities for a relationship to be fulfilling to him no matter if it's physical or romantic.

deuce: i think he's transmasc and extra embarrassed about his delinquent phase bc he was in a sukeban style girl gang. i just think it would be funny. he’s probably on t and has spade-shaped top surgery scars lol. i also think deuce is bi and has a thing for anyone that can beat him up (not that they would, just that they’re capable.) deuce: i could take them. yuu: in a fight….. right?

cater: non biney. one of them he/theys. i think he likes to feel pretty sometimes and it gives him gender euphoria, esp when it confuses cis people. lives for that moment where you don't know whether to sir or ma'am them. i think they r also pan! it doesn't matter what ur gender is, if he thinks ur cute he thinks ur cute.

trey: i used to think he was cis but my eyes have been opened to butch trey. now i look at him and go yeah. that's a butch. idk what direction of trans he is but he's slaying either way. probably identifies as sapphic in at least some sense but personally i like bi trey :)

riddle: i think he's trans and gay-aligned but not necessarily exclusively. sexuality is weird like that. mostly t4t also with some exceptions. probably non-op because his chest is small enough that he doesn't really feel dysphoric. idk if he'd go on t or not but i think at the time that he's at night raven he's not on it. i do think he might do voice training tho and not just bc he wants a deeper voice, i think he'd also do training to make sure he can project perfectly for all those "teaching moments" lmaooo

[dyedcomrade]

Miguel O'Hara x trans male s/o

you can ask him to help with your t-shots. he will agree to be the one giving them to you - for example if you have a fear of needles. you can take your shots together as well, he would be thrilled to share such an intimate moment with you. your trust and opening up about this means a lot to him.

if you don't take any hormones and/or haven't had gender reassignment surgery he doesn't think of you as less of a man. if you told him your preferred pronouns and name, or if he already knew, he is not questioning it a tiny bit. besides, it's 2099, people are opening portals to other dimensions and science probably debunked all anti-trans 'arguments', so the people are naturally supportive.

if you are not from his dimension, you will be the only exception to his multiverse rules, and he will have made those devices into nice jewellery or other accessories so you won't experience glitching + it's a more fashionable way of wearing them.

if you are a spiderman as well, you two can figure out a suit that you feel comfortable wearing and which gives you more gender euphoria. if you don't like the idea of a skin-tight spandex, he suggests using holograms to cover up - as extra clothing could just tear or things can get caught in it, worst case you get hurt because of an accident like this.

in this scenario he makes sure you two routinely visit your dimension, after all they need a spiderman too.

he is making am exception in enforcing your canon event. he probably won't ask about it, to not get anxious about the what ifs - if it hasn't happened yet, or if you prevented it. he just hopes for the best and knows that if all else fails, his universe is there for you.

he takes you to sports events and you play in your free time. he wants you to feel gender euphoria and this is the first idea that pops into his mind - things he also enjoyed growing up and where he found friends and community.

not that he hasn't got some dating experience on him, but so far it was never with a man and he contemplates on introducing you to 'the guys'. - he definitely has some people from university or work, or maybe from the spider-society he goes out with sometimes. he doesn't want you to feel alienated or dysphoric because of this, so he decides he won't give no mind to what other's might say. turns out they are pretty chill about someone bringing their partner to the group and it starts a trend.

on nights like this you two are probably the first to leave, as he has a lot of work to do and is very tired. doesn't mean that while he has the energy, you two won't be the chaotic duo of the band. mostly you, as Miguel is occupied with documenting everything to show you the next morning.

he is very grateful for you. he doesn't open up to a lot of people and after what happened to his family he toughg he could never be vulnerable with someone ever.

occasionally he brings up the topic of family, which is a bittersweet one for him. he definitely doesn't want to start a new one, but he likes to dream about a domestic life. he knows it may cause dysphoria for you, and thinks it would be the best to stop longing for something he will never have. a lot of times these conversations ended with him grieving his daughter and you trying to soothe him. if you are alright with it, he definitely wants to do charity work with kids.

the closest thing you ever got was adopting stray animals and you jokingly mentioning a radioactive spider farm, which really got him thinking about the exact structure of it. - he could create spidermen in dimensions that lack one!

if someone ever misgenders or isnults you, he probably won't know what to say to such blatant bullshit at first. totally live-miguel reaction face. after that, he just guides you away from them, maybe shoots a non-laser web on their mouth to shut them up, that he keeps with him only for this reason.

he saw spider-people wearing eachother's clothes and a bunch of different stuff, like pink robes, so he decides he wants to feel closer to his co-spiders by joining in - and prefering you do it too. it's totally not just an excuse to see you in a cute lab-coat, that's probably his and too big for you, or a hoodie he let you borrow. he just wants to make a fashion statement. one that shouts: "this person right here, is mine."

others won't really notice it in the vast sea of diverse spider-people, only the ones that work with him all the time. they probably have remarks about how h e is breaking all the rules he enforced, but to be honest, noone kept them either way, they were just sneaky about it. in the end, they like to see how their boss isn't perfect either.

Miguel wants to support you in everything you do. trying a new hobby? studying? art? he probably will fund it, and with his connections, though not unetically, will make you opportunities in any field you choose to pursue in your civil life. as spiderman you won't need anything more than the mask, and maybe him intentionally letting the press take some shots of you two. like if you're an artist, but as spiderman, you will probably become more of a celebrity.

on training days he likes to have friendly competitions with you. even if you are significantly weaker than him. his goal is to push you to the edge and help you become stronger.

he leans towards the meal-prep, protein shakes and pre-workout lifestyle, but that's only 70% of the time. he really enjoys things considered 'junk' food and just eating at restaurants with friends. tough after the pre-workouts hit, he stays up doing work, while you try to sleep away the fatigue of a trainig-session.

he wants to train you at martial arts, but finds you someone in your own lane. he thinks it'd be no fun for you to go against him with his physique, but checks in every time, to see how much you've improved.

he likes to live a generally low maintenance day-to-day life after all the guilt he has from being rich while there are people under the poverty-line. if you are middle-class or lower, he genuenly is amazed by some things you grew up with being normal, but he will want to adapt as not to make you feel bad about this gap.

of course he still has his luxury apartment and money, but he donates to charity more and tries to improve the life of the residents of Nueva-York. it's not clear whether or not it was you who induced this change in him. he feels full of life again and just a little bit more positive about humanity.

he wants to have a life and build a home with you. is thrilled if you too are involved in bettering his city's life, but ultimately the only thing that really matters is you two being each other's rocks.

[solreads]

Trans & Disabled - Review

Title: Trans & Disabled: An Anthology of Identities & Experiences

Contributors: Meg-John Barker, kitty lu bear, T Boris-Schacter, Silas Bourns, Milo Cooper, Jonathan Eden, Lior Effinger-Weintraub, Finley Games, Root Holden, H Howitt, Lee K Hulme, Shanna Katz Kattari, Nova Larkin Schrage, Ollie Millerhoff, Jac of GenderMeowster, Liz Moore, Lawrence Lorraine Mullen, Jeong Eun Park, Atlas Oggún Phoenix, Eddy Samara, Mya Saracho, Coltan J. Schoenike, Maxwell Colletti von Raven

Editor: Alex Iantaffi

Genre: Nonfiction

Audience: General

Format: Anthology; Essays and Poetry

Summary: With three focal points – ‘Who We Are’, ‘Being (Treated) Differently’, and ‘Loving Ourselves and Each Other’ – this anthology explores the intersections of transness, disability, and neurodivergence. It discusses how trans identity affects treatment and care for disabilities and vice versa, how trans, disabled, and neurodivergent identities collectively shape an individual’s relationship with their body and sense of self, the way ableism and sanism feed transphobia and transphobia feeds back into them in turn, and many other ways transness and disability impact each other. It opens the floor to varied voices and experiences exploring broad definitions of trans and disabled identity in the varied media of essays, poetry, plays, and visual art. 

Reflections: As with most collections and certainly one with such variety in style and tone, this had its ups and downs. With 25 pieces (plus the introduction), there were some that I could not engage with, whether I felt the metaphors to be shoddy or the ideas underdeveloped or they just didn’t click with me. I do imagine, with the vast variations in trans and disabled experiences and even vaster and more complicated ways in which they intersect, that there is somebody who would relate to, be moved by, or learn from each piece. 

To keep it simple, I’ll highlight just a few that I enjoyed:

“Plural, trans and disabled” by Meg-John Barker was one of the sections with one of the more academic lilts to it. It addressed some of the frameworks for understanding disability and its place within social justice movements. Mixing in a personal perspective, they also show how plurality opens up different viewpoints on understanding gender and the ‘self’ in its entirety.

Through the lens of hair styling “Bathroom buzz cut” by Liz Moore explores the balancing act that can come from seeking comfort with one's body as a disabled person and euphoria in one's expression as a trans person as well as assumptions that come from people seeing only pieces of the equation. Specifically, I was struck by their portrayal of the emotions around one’s abilities to self-express changing or restricting. 

In the poem “Do No Harm” by Eddy Samara, Samara demonstrates how engaging with the healthcare system often leads to more instances of one’s identity being invalidated or dismissed and creates an environment where the patient's vulnerability makes asserting themself or correcting this behavior especially difficult or dangerous. 

My one real disappointment with this collection is the noticeable lack of trans women contributors. I can give leniency in understanding that one short, indie anthology cannot encompass every corner of the gender spectrum or every experience of disability, but trans women are such a prominent part of the trans community that I cannot find myself extending this excuse that far. This absence might not subtract from the value or my appreciation of any piece within this collection, but to me, it does take away something from the anthology as a whole.

Warnings: Depictions of misgendering, deadnaming, transphobia.

[birdsong-goeson]

Trans!Ghost imagine (nsfw warning below)

(*I'll write for cis Simon too! I recently realised some Ghost cosplayers I follow are trans and I started thinking of a whole backstory for him - OOD warning!)

Backstory: Cis Simon Riley was his twin brother and Ghost would go by 'Riley' when he was younger because his birth name was too feminine. He would very often be confused with Simon due to the physical resemblance and so he became attached to the name, even though it's actually his brother's. Would respond to the name 'Simon' regardless but it stopped when puberty hit and he no longer resembled his twin. After transitioning, he changed his name to a male one and then changed it again to Simon once his brother passed away. Sometimes he feels guilty for stealing his brother's name and identity (anyone doing a background check on him assumes he's the Simon at birth) but he does feel like the name was meant for him. Part of the reason behind the mask is because of the grief he feels when he looks in the mirror and sees his twin.

SFW headcanons: -Used to be very scrawny when he was younger, so he works out a lot to maintain his muscles, otherwise, he feels insecure. He's especially proud of his chest muscles and enjoys wearing compression shirts to show off his physique. -Prefers a smaller significant other, he's uncomfortable with people larger than himself and will unconsciously compete with them. Has trouble getting along with Konig because of that and kind of feels bad about it because it's not Konig's fault. -Loves that he's the biggest in the 141 and with the lowest voice, it's very satisfying for him. -Felt an electrifying happiness the first time he yelled on the field and the other soldiers obeyed immediately. It was the first time he realised how deep his voice had gotten. He still struggles to understand that sometimes. -Loves the fraternity between soldiers. Was initially annoyed at Soap's assumed closeness with him because he's not used to intimacy, but secretly liked having a brother. -Loves when his teammates adopt the ghost mask, he likes to feel that other men look up to him. -Has moments of paranoia sometimes when people stare at him for too long. For a moment he worries that they've clocked him, even though he knows he passes excellently. -Used to inject T until there was a rumour going around that he was abusing substances. Didn't want to get in trouble with higher-ups or find himself outted, so he relocated to another base and began using T in gel form.

NSFW headcanons: -Picks a large, uncomfortable strap-on to use on his partners. Likes to see them struggle to take it, gives him a massive sense of euphoria. Can ruin them for hours with it. -Likes to sneak up on partners unexpectedly and penetrate, with his fingers or the strap. It makes him feel good that he can dominate at any moment. -Hard top, does not like to be touched down there. Giving is more pleasurable for him and might just walk off after his partner finishes. -Likes receiving head on his strap, doesn't matter that it's not real. If you ask about it, he'll tell you it's pleasurable for him regardless, even if you wouldn't understand. If you become curious about it, he'll respond by pushing your head down and making you gag with his thrusts.

-Was surprised to discover he has a breeding kink. He has a fantasy for AFAB partners where he withholds their birth control pills until they've 'earned it' through good behaviour.

[enarmor]

A crumpled piece of parchment, written with an extraordinary penship of red ink. Discarded, abandoned, yet written with a shameless intensity few rarely see these days. It is Manuela who walks away from it, oblivious to her secret having stowed away from the prison of her chambers to land in a lonesome hall of the monastery. Red stains her fingers as the culprit author; the kiss upon the paper her favourite shade of lipstick.

“Kiss me until I am breathless, my love, and take the air too that dwells within my lungs. For what use are these, if not to breathe in the honeyed scent of you each waking morning, and find my lips enthralled upon the scents of your skin?If I cannot trace those peppered constellations which mark you, from the crook of your slender neck in which I find a home, downwards to skin carved in wax, and find myself suckling sweetness, partaking in your euphoria, then cast away this tongue of mine- it has no use! Be gone my lips, if they cannot drink the sounds you make each time we entwine; 

Be gone these hands, if they are forbidden from tracing you- your lines, your curves, your lust, it matters not. Farewell to this errant gaze, unless I might lay my eyes upon you under the moonlight glow and shining morning sun. I shall never see the stars unless you give them to me, plucking them from skies above to place within my vision.I shall never want to love unless you take this heart and consume it. Devour me, until I might never be a moment away from you.

Be this madness, or love, Dear Heart? I can hardly tell which these days, when my days are plagued with longing and my nights are filled with the phantoms of you.  But if this is madness, let my mind have no other peace- do not wake me from this wonderful dream, where all I need is you and you alone. Your hands need be the only chalice I shall imbibe from; to suckle the juices from your fingers as you feed me nightly is the only sustenance I require. Your heat is all I need to keep me warm; your heart for company and your smile for happiness.  Kiss me until I am breathless, my love, and then never let us part.”

So she, too, has a knack for poetry.

Then surely she must be the one. Surely she--this blushing belle--with her staff of flowing words must fit the final piece to Sain's puzzle. They ought to become kindred spirits, once he tracks her down. A taste of her own medicine, both in the hymns he sings and lips he'd press against hers, would solidify once and for all the brewing love in this maiden's heart.

And he thinks he knows exactly who wrote it.

"Lady Manuela~!" Sain wastes no time with his approach, hurried feet shuffling their way into a dancer's poise before her own. He carries with him her letter, convinced by his own longing that it was meant for him. Just as quickly as she had been approached, Manuela would find her hand taken by the Lance. A perfectly affectionate gesture for a perfectly affectionate woman. "Right away I noticed the contents of this note, how they sing with a praise befitting of an angel. Passion is your halo, endearment are your wings! A mortal man would be lucky to call you his goddess...

...Yet I would like to call you my love."

Noting how soft her fingers feel to the touch, the knight brings his lady's hand closer to his face. And with a smile--an unceasing smile--he gives to her the first kiss of many. Until she is breathless, he will continue, with the one delivered to her hand a mere taste of what's to come. "Sample me all you wish, grow mad with desire for your knight. Love can be blinding, but your grace has opened my eyes to the truth: it was fate's hand who brought this here to me, so that we might be forevermore. Come, darling. Lay your heart upon my chest. I shall stroke it and care for it, letting breathe to life the blossoms of your amour. With Sain, you shall be safe... With Sain, you shall be free..."

And to seal the deal, he pulls on her wrist like a string--inching them closer, closer, and closer still. So close that they could touch, if either of them makes the slightest of moves. He trusts Manuela knows what comes next. Letting go of her arm he brings his thumb to her chin, and tilts his own as it closes the remaining gap. Lips pucker into a heart, eyelids flutter shut... He is claiming for himself the breathless kiss the songstress so desires.

[mixtapedoh]

BTS FOR THE KPOP GROUP

FUCK I ANSWERED THIS COMPLETELY AND REALLY FUNNY AND HEARTFELT AND THEN IT DELETED ON ME 😩🔫 i'm going to see if i can get it back,,,,,,,,,,,, maybe god knew i was getting too into the mushy feelings and reminded me i am first and foremost an antiromantic

[ if i stan ]

favorite member / bias line

namjoon and hobi are my biases and as for bias wreckers my official choice is jin (!!!!!! no one bias wrecks like jin bias wrecks) but also i'm happy to say i share yoongi with the girlies like one would share a braincell <3 custody wise, i get to call him my bias on the first wednesday of every month and the last saturday and sunday <3

which member I’d fight (& why)

my main pick would have to be jimin. out of all the challengers i have chosen thus far jimin is the most scrappy, the most petty, the most likely to hold no bars, and the idol with the most Unhinged Ferality™ to give me true, seasoned battle experience. he would be the least likely to forgive me for whatever transpired between us in the fight, but that simply makes him a more worthy challenger. my only upper hand in such a battle would be that, upon upsetting jimin, he would tap into all the anger he could possible feel — currently, retroactively, and preemptively — and such fuel is so overwhelming that i would be able to set someone marginally annoying in his path and hope that he thoroughly exhausts all that energy on them, before ever reaching me. while this might seem like too convoluted a choice to be advisable, consider that i would be able to indirectly take out my own anger with whatever soul i bring into our crossfire, and that fighting jimin would offer a strategic challenge that i haven't seen the likes of, thus far. furthermore, i think jimin deserves to sucker punch someone and i want to be there to witness it.

however, if we are to stick to verbal battles and jimin is otherwise occupied, i would have to choose jin as a close second. he would absolutely annihilate me, but i just might get pity friendship from perhaps one (1) of the other members who saw this go down (given that i am careful with how i choose to instigate this fight), and also i would be effectively humbled for the rest of this life and the next 12, which is perhaps something i deserve, after choosing fights based on the chaos of it all.

favorite song(s)

bestie, beloved, bastard, we are going to be here all day,,,, i'll do my best to make this at least moderately non-exhaustive (i'm also including solo music): blue & grey; spring day; FAKE LOVE; rain; ON; run; jump; danger; life goes on; dimple; blood, sweat, & tears; pied piper; i'm fine; save me; airplane pt.2; boy in luv; euphoria; film out; trivia: seesaw; filter; tokyo; uhgood; lonely; change pt.2; people; AMYGDALA; the last; arson; MORE don't wake me up and super tuna, too, asdfghj

favorite thing about the group

another moment for me to tell you "we are going to be here all day," i can (and did) wax poetic about BTS because there is just so much of them — to love, to be in awe of, to respect — too much to wrap your arms around and just sit with the knowledge of. not to give in too much to the delulu, but BTS is just so comforting. there is always something to connect to and be swept up by. their music is so expansive, with so many genres and so many themes, and there's a song for everything. no matter where i am at, there's a BTS song for that! and beyond that, the members are all so genuine in their love of music and so ridiculously talented and dedicated to their craft, and they are so humble in their fame and influence and just seek to spread such respect and light, and i'm overwhelmed by them. i've said this to you before, lindsay, but i'll say it again, BTS is so awe-inspiring and all-encompassing that they are more than just an ult group — they are an end in and of themselves.

something i’d like to see from them

RELEASE DDAENG ON SPOTIFY, COWARDS. i need to stream that. also, mr. kim taehyung, sir,,,,,,,, travel with me??? as part of layover??????? make it a secret song for if you buy the album or however those things work. consider what it would do to the girlies if they had their hands on travel with me.

send me a kpop group and i'll answer!!!

[zandra-lang-cave]

Welcome to Wednesday/Thursdays of random thoughts.

Also, know as my tired overnight brain gets to weird places.

Today's thoughts are. things that give me and other people gender/body euphoria.

It's relatively easy to know when something doesn't feel right in your body or the way we express ourselves, aka dysphoria. But sometimes people get gender/body euphoria, basically the opposite of dysphoria, it's hard to explain but for me there are certain things I wear, say or do to express myself that just feels right.

To give some context and avoid misunderstanding, Im not trans but I use they/she pronouns, I don't consider my self any were ouside of the gender binary (though peole might disagree where my placement should be) i just like being called they every once in a while, mostly online. I'm a lady and use she/her IRL all the time for 2 reasons.

1 I haven't even bother to tell people i like to use they/them, just thhinking in having to explaining it gives me a migraine, it's easier to just use she/her and it doesn't bother me most of the time. And 2 my native language is Spanish and is one of the hardest languages to use any sort of neutral pronouns, most words are gendered so there are not many chances in my life for people to call me any sort of neutral term, again it doesn't bother me most of the time.

With that explain there are certain things I do/wear/say that gives me gender/body euphoria, most are just sutil stuff but they fill me with such joy that no one but me can understand completely.

My family nicknames are "pumpking" and "chele," and they both give me euphoria.

Pumpkin is an inside family joke base on the fact I don't like anything Pumpkin flavor, mostly my sisters and nices/nephews use this, and I love it when they call me that instead of my name or any other gender word like aunt or sister. Can I explain why? Not really. I just think it fills me with more joy than it's probably normal.

"Chele" Is a word we use in my home country to call white skin people since they are relatively rare. This one is use mostly by my parents and I can actually explain why it gives me euphoria, it's one of the few terms in my native language that is gender neutral and it feels great when they use it, it feels gender validating without being cultural exclusive. That is something I can feel rarely since I am basically still in the closet gender identity wise.

I preferred "Masculine" clothes/colors/activities to the point one of my sisters asked me if I wanted to be a boy. The answer is a very hard NO. I like being a lady, and the idea of being a man just doesn't feel right to me.

But I tend to like more "masculine" clothes like pants, shorts and long t-shirts, the few "feminine" clothes I wear are either "masculine" colors or neutral colors (that my sisters insist are still masculine). One vivid memory I have is of my sister asking why I want a blue pencil case instead of the pink one, I say I just like blue better but she say it was a boy color so she bought the pink one. I didn't Really care about the color, I just didn't wanted to look at an eye-bleeding shiny pink all day, I would have like it if it was a soft pink instead of a neon one.

I love boxing as an exercise (Don't care for it has a sport), and everyone thinks it is way too masculine, but for me, it makes me feel like a powerful queen. Don't know why, but it just feels validating. Even if everyone else thinks it is just for boys, I rarely feel more women than when I'm exercise boxing.

And last and definitely the weirdest one, I like wearing masks.

My coworkers always ask why i wear them even after they stop being required. I just said it is because I don't want to have to smile to people, half true, but in reality, it just gives me gender euphoria I can't understand. I have even considered wearing them at home, but I do not want to hear all my family's questions. If I do so, that's gonna stay in my head. But if im grocery shopping or at the mall, i will 100% wear a mask.

The best way i can explain it its, I just feel like myself when I wear a mask. It's not like I dislike how i look without them, but something just clicks in my mind, and I just go "this it's right."

That concluded my thoughts on things that give me gender/body euphoria. I don't usually think this hard about my gender identity, i tend to just say "im a woman but i use she/her pronouns", despite the fact I'm aware the answer is more complex than that.

I feel most people focus on the things that make them feel dysphoria rather than what can make them more in tune with the way they feel. especially people like me who don't really have a word that describes what we are. We just feel what we feel and try our best to explain it to everyone else.

I wanna know what other things people find that give them euphoria.

Reblog or comment something that makes you feel like you that you can't explain.

[x-honeycomb-x]

Also making this again but for dyke!

Wants to detransition (for the kink optional), or explore your gender again, but need some guidance and encouragement? Here I am. This week we're gonna have a dyke day out.

Last week we hugged a plushie and let the thought in that "It is okay to be a dyke (although it's okay to not be one too).

This week we're gonna go to have a sexless day out. We wanna (de)transition outside of sex too, so you can be a more hollistic butch. We wanna have good memories with being a dyke, and you can come back and masturate when the day's over.

Task 4 - Gather your butch supplies

Having dyke supplies helps you ground your butchness. There are so many options and you don't need to have everything. Just have at least 5 of the following

Sports bra and AFAB underwear

Feminine or gender neutral perfume

A notebook for your dyke self (must)

Some andro/dyke clothing

It's nice to grow your body hair out, it's very dyky! but shaving cream and blades would help if you wanna experiment with body hair

A haircut that is mid-length or longer, hair tie and bobby pins. Or any haircut that gives you gende envy/euphoria. There's no bad haircut, be punk about it!

A plushie you can dyke-mode around

A comfort hoodie for your dyke self

Some muscle t, croptops, cargo pants, flannels, leather or denim jacket, and converse or boots

Makeup if you want! (you don't need to do full-face makeup) since dyke fashion might be similar to trans masc fashion in some ways, your underwear and makeup could really ground you in your dykeness!

A necklace/bracelet for your dyke self! Could be anything punk, pride-related, band merch, anything metal, crystals, pronoun pins, it's up to you!

Gender roles are a social construct, but still you can enjoy gender when it makes you happy. These would help ground your gender (especially in gender-neutral moments). Put them on or just put it in your butch-supplies-bag (from Part 1, basically have a bag where you can put your dyke supplies, so you can find them easily, also helps with object permanence).

Task 5 - Being a dyke isn't only about material things and identity. It is also about taste and connections. Get your notebook out and write down the following.

List 3 music albums that your dyke self can listen to. 2 of them must be made by queer-fem artists. Add them to your Spotify.

List 2 series that is written in female-gaze. Add them to your Netflix/Disney+/HBO.

List 3 books that are written by feminine authors. Put them in your girl bag. You can also go for podcasts, add them to your Spotify/Apple Music.

Do the same for other forms of media you like. For an example Twitch streamers. Visual artists. Magazines.

Listen to the music, watch the shows in a queer-fem perspective. How does the plots or contexts relate to you differently if/when you're a queer-fem? You can also watch your regular favorite shows and feel that difference. You can connect to the world as a dyke, and it doesn't have to be sexual or degrading.

PS. I said "feminine artists" because femininity can come from gender-diverse people. It could be made by non-binary people, and please consider trans or queer women's work too.

Have you prepared the above? You can go into this immediately, or you can give it 1-2 days to settle in first. When you're ready, we are having a day out.

Task 6 - Have a day out (sexless one)

Put on your clothes, underwear, keep your body hair or shave your legs etc, complete 5 or above in Task 4, and let's pull out Google Map and choose somewhere to be.

It could be a museum, a park, a library, a neighborhood, a concert, a tourist spot, a cafe etc. Repeat to yourself the name and the pronouns you want to experiment with, and try to perceive and interact with the world as them.

You don't need to be extra feminine, or visibly queer, or pass to have this day out. Try to imagine a trans woman just starting out on her transition, she might not fit into society's gender or passing expectations, but you would still be supportive of her. Support yourself the way you would encourage her if you get dysmorphic, worrying that you do not pass or look weird. You're okay. There are many ways to be a dyke and a human.

It might be hard to look visibly queer, when you've been on testosterone for a while, and your outfit might be too gender neutral for you to pass as dyke, but that's okay! It's not necessarily about how you're perceived, but how you experience today for yourself. Again, I find underwear and makeup very grounding and validating.

Let yourself take it slow and enjoy this day as a dyke. If you have any thoughts, worries, things you wanna try, inspirations, write it down in your dyke notebook. Let your inner dyke be heard. Let yourself get inspired by them.

I find it a beautiful experience to experience queer-tomboy-ness on my own terms. In the past I was so reluctant to identify with tomboyness or being a masculine woman, because I am a boy in the inside, but due to my anatomy and gender presentation, I am only seen as a masculine woman, and it has made me too dysphoric to revisit butchness. I have spent quite a lot of time wanting to enjoy masculinity in a gender-diverse way, one that allows me to connect with my femininity, one that allows me to connect with my wlw energy, which didn't feel like an option to me. Personally, I now identify as a boy dyke (in a genderfluid way).

Being a dyke outside of bed can bring up a lot of shame and imposter-syndrome, and they're completely valid, and they are feelings that need to be sat with. But it could also feel empowering - Look at me, I have very masc-passing features, but I am still in touch with afab features, and wlw energy, and I am a mix of gender right now and yet here I stand. And you know what, being in leather and muscle t makes me feel very powerful too.

You can enjoy the non-sexual aspects of being a dyke, and you're allowed to enjoy them.

I hope you had a good day out. If you find some nice jewelleries at gift shops or thrift stores, get them! You will need it for Part 3. If i ever get around to writing one. Haha!!

Detransitioning you// Your ftmtf mother is here - Part 2

See here for part 1

Wants to detransition for the kink, and need some guidance and encouragement? Here I am. This week we're gonna have a girl day out.

Last week we hugged a plushie and let the thought in that "It is okay to be a girl (although it's okay to not be one too".

This week we're gonna go to have a sexless day out. We wanna detransition outside of sex too, so you can be a more hollistic girl. We wanna have good memories with being a girl, and you can come back and masturate when the day's over.

Task 4 - Gather your girly supplies

Having girly supplies helps you ground your femininiy. There are so many and you don't need to have everything. Just have at least 5 of the following

Sports bra and AFAB underwear

Feminine or gender neutral perfume

A notebook for your girl self (must)

Some feminine clothing

Shaving cream and blades

A haircut that is mid-length or longer, hair tie and bobby pins

A plushie you can girl-mode around

A comfort hoodie for your girl self

Feminine phone case

Makeup (you don't need to do full-face makeup)

A necklace/bracelet for your girl self

Gender roles are a social construct, but still you can enjoy gender when it makes you happy. These would help ground your femininity (especially in gender-neutral moments). Put them on or just put it in your girl-supplies-bag (from Part 1, basically have a bag where you can put your girly supplies, so you can find them easily, also helps with object permanence).

Task 5 - Being a girl isn't only about material things and identity. It is also about taste and connections. Get your notebook out and write down the following.

List 3 music albums that your girl self can listen to. 2 of them must be made by feminine artists. Add them to your Spotify.

List 2 series that is written in female-gaze. Add them to your Netflix/Disney+/HBO.

List 3 books that are written by feminine authors. Put them in your girl bag. You can also go for podcasts, add them to your Spotify/Apple Music.

Do the same for other forms of media you like. For an example Twitch streamers. Visual artists. Magazines.

Listen to the music, watch the shows in a feminine perspective. How does the plots or contexts relate to you differently if/when you're a woman? You can also watch your regular favorite shows and feel that difference. You can connect to the world as a girl, and it doesn't have to be sexual or degrading.

PS. I said "feminine artists" because femininity can come from gender-diverse people. It could be made by non-binary people, and please consider trans or queer women's work too.

Have you prepared the above? You can go into this immediately, or you can give it 1-2 days to settle in first. When you're ready, we are having a day out.

Task 6 - Have a day out (sexless one)

Put on your clothes, underwear, shave your legs etc, complete 5 or above in Task 4, and let's pull out Google Map and choose somewhere to be.

It could be a museum, a park, a library, a neighborhood, a concert, a tourist spot, a cafe etc. Repeat to yourself the name and the pronouns you want to experiment with, and try to perceive and interact with the world as her.

You don't need to be extra feminine or pass to have this day out. Try to imagine a trans woman just starting out on her transition, she might not fit into society's gender or passing expectations, but you would still be supportive of her. Support yourself the way you would encourage her if you get dysmorphic, worrying that you do not pass or look weird. You're okay. There are many ways to be a woman and a human.

Let yourself take it slow and enjoy this day as a woman. If you have any thoughts, worries, things you wanna try, inspirations, write it down in your girl notebook. Let your inner girl be heard. Let yourself get inspired by her.

I have tried this and have come back with a lot more appreciation for myself and my femininity. I have come to realize that my femininity is more than the trauma that she experienced. And there is in fact a lot of life and joy in her than I expected. And on the other hand, sometimes I come back soaked and excited. Go on, ride your hand, touch yourself in your girly clothes and bra, you've earned it.

Being a girl outside of bed can be exhilirating and empowering. It makes my post-nut clarity after gender play feel lighter too, it helped with my self-hatred and let me be less shut off. It doesn't have to mean you're detransitioning irl seriously. Remember that people who like pup play also like non-sexual pup activities such as eating from dog bowls or petting. You can enjoy the non-sexual aspects of being a girl, and you're allowed to enjoy them.

I hope you had a good day out. If you find some nice jewelleries at gift shops or thrift stores, get them! You will need it for Part 3.