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explaining (forced) detrans kink with anxious attachment style

yesterday i watched this video that explains how Lana Del Rey's lyrics reflects/describes the anxious attachment style. i identify with this attachment style a lot, and it got me thinking how i experience detrans kink with this lens.

for the context, if you received inconsistent help and affection as a child, you learn that the help is there, you just need to dramatize your emotional reactions to get a response. and with that comes unstable sense of self and strong abandonment issues. you would do anything to get people to stay in your life, and don't know what to do on your own.

((anxious attachment style manifests differently in everyone, im just talking about my own experience here))

1) you wanna change yourself to be loved

people with anxious attachment style can have an unstable sense of self, they predict what kind of people someone might want, and then change their sense of self (clothing, hobbies, personality, gender etc) to be what the desired person's wants. so that person would stay in their life.

and this can manifest in detrans kink in a narrative of "i want someone to mould me into their perfect girl". "i want someone to force me back into a girl, and show my parents that they have fixed their daughter." for me, i don't have/need an actual person in my life to change for, but it was my experience of "love", that "changing myself" is a "love language", i crave the dissociative feeling that comes with self-objectification. that (from coming out trauma) loving me means wanting me so much they must change me into an image that they want.

2) you use a fantasy (limerence) to cope, and lose touch with reality

people with anxious attachment might have an imagined (version of) relationship with unavailable/abusive people. maybe they have an intense crush on someone, imagining their lives together, although they barely talk in real life. and that fantasy help them cope with difficulties in life, such as losing support from a parent, difficult school time, or an abusive situation. because you can make yourself busy fantasizing about the person, and not having to think about the troubles. or think the abuser actually isn't that bad.

and that's how i've used kinky/derogatory porn to cope with not having enough support growing up. i like to look at pretty e-girls or traditional women, and think if i was forced to be like that, be forced to live like a cis woman, then i would be shown off by a partner, and be desired by a lot of people, they would like me and have children with me, and i could have cis woman pretty privilege again, or have lots of fantastic sexual adventures.

and i look at content like that everyday for a few hours to cope (bc i goon, also bc of my gender-fluidity,) at one point they feel almost real to me. and i forgot that i am not those white e-girls or traditional asian wives. i am me. with my own style, personality, aspirations and trans joy/struggle. and i have such a strong fantasy of who i would be sexually, i struggle with feeling sexy with my real self. it's hard to cum without imagining myself as a sexy e-girl or wife-material girl with child-bearing hips and long wavy hair.

there are more traits with anxious attachment style but that is all i have in mind now. just wanna share my experience.

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can’t stop thinking about styling a butch. making them a specially curated pinterest board of what I want to see them in. going to flea markets and vintage shops to hunt for accessories for them, looking for rings and bolo ties, wallet chains and handkerchiefs and leather belts with big buckles. making them model well fitting dickies and Levi’s, not letting them wear anything else while they slowly spin in a circle for me so I can see all the angles. manhandling them, tugging on their waistbands and collars to make sure everything fits the way I want it too.

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Women Working. Tradeswomen Magazine

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so fucked up seeing young butches feel dysphoric about not having traits almost nobody has at that age. like the reason you don't have rough knuckly hands yet is not because you're female it's because you're literally just a boy still... wait a couple of decades until you're a grown dyke and time will have given some texture to your hands and face

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Pup4pup, but the alpha holds your leash in their mouth and tugs on it like they're your handler while they ruthlessly rutt into you and give you a litter. You agree. Reblog.

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sub top who walks on all fours. sub top who bares their fangs and snaps at strangers. sub top with sharpened claws. sub top who can't look me in the eyes but does everything for my attention. sub top who needs to be humiliated. sub top who humps every surface in sight if I'm not home. sub top who only answers to insults. sub top who tells me they hate me. sub top who goes by "it", "thing", and "toy". sub top who needs to feel pain. sub top who needs to inflict pain. sub top who isn't exactly human, but is absolutely animalistic.

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pov: you left the door unlocked and the wildlife has gotten in

tip the dog

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some self aftercare tips for doms and subs!

don't put lotion on contact or rope burns, ointment first.

water will help, but juice has immediate sugar that can help with numbness or faintheaded issues, try not to exhert too much.

any sort of small salt based snack can help with nausea if climaxes are a bit too intense! nerves cross and it's a lot, it happens!

please don't chug liquids after this stuff, slow and steady will reguster better

have you taken meds? some people think about it most now, when the feelings are settling and a bit intense.

work out your hands, the amount of pressure in your hands can be the thing making the rest of you ache.

new clothes might help!

put something familiar on, music, a podcast, a show

take some deep breaths. if you have no one else with you, positive affirmations can feel very healing as self aftercare.

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she's gonna come and write the things she wants to do on my body im excited

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ftms can be trans feminine ♥️

mtfs can be trans masculine 💙

completely ooc post, recently my mtf friend came out as trans masculine, and I've also been out as she/they for months now. I was at a t4t party and was referred by people as a trans woman and it gave me so much euphoria.

personally i enjoy being feminine but I wish I was AMAB. I wish I was a amab person on estrogen. That makes me trans. And I'm genderfluid, so when I'm in my feminine mood swing, I am a trans woman.

and turns out im not alone in this! after talking about it on instagram and discord, there's a lot of non-binary people telling me that they want to transition SO they can do more stuff that's related to their birth gender. I literally had said "I can't wait to be at least 6 months on testosterone so I can wear more women's clothes."

my friend asked me, what is the difference between let's say a ftm being feminine or trans feminine? to that I replied,

some ftms want to be a feminine guy

some ftms wanna be a trans woman

yeah! there's a lot of ways people can experience euphoria and dysphoria, and it's different to everyone. I have a friend who went through masculinization and feminization surgery in one day. I have a friend joked they're tris (mix of trans cis) cause they are just butch, not entirely a cis woman but also not quite trans. I have friends who prefer to be on low dose of testosterone. I personally want to be a girl with a dick. And a boy with a pussy.

I remember seeing a post here saying "reblog to completely detransition the person you repost this from", and I think i engaged with this kink in a very cusheteronormal way. i don't want to be bred by a cis man, and I don't want to be a cis girl either. i'm guessing since this kink community is the way I experienced genderbending, it did encourage me to experiment with gender, but also I feel like it has limited my options with gender. or maybe i just wasn't shown the possibilities of genders.

I am genderfluid and now I identify as a futch dyke. I'm a bit of a butch and femme, and I am a lesbian when I'm fem. When I'm masc I am mlm. Sometimes Im non-binary and into non-binary stuff.

Anyways. Just wanna be able to say that I'm trans feminine, and ftms are allowed to be trans feminine, and mtfs are allowed to be trans masculine. thanks for reading. 🖤🖤

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Choker? I hardly know 'er!

Pansy-Leatherwork.com

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When boys when boys when boys make that little "Ah ah ah ah" sound as you're fucking them into the mattress

That's it that's the post

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I've been realizing I'm kinda built like a tank lately...

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while they share a similar base flavor, dick tastes more umami while pussy tastes more acidic, though recent menstruation conveys an overwhelming metallic flavor that some diners object to (though i am not one of them). recommended wine pairings are

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somewhat horny: i have to get Fucked!

quite a bit horny: can we pretend i’m an elven prince and the necromancer’s curse turns me into a demon on the full moon and the only way to cure me is to have my Womb filled by a chivalrous knight . and can you make sure you say soem shit like ‘forsooth’ and ‘by my honor’ and stuff. mngh

hornier than anyone has ever been: i need to kiss someone and get married

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Oh no please don’t force my legs apart and slap my pretty clit until I’m dripping and throbbing around nothing I’m begging you!!!!

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Met this really hot girl last night. How do I politely tell her I wanna stick my face into her bulge and nuzzle while she's pulling my hair?