#when you try to interpret a card you actually just think really hard on what you already know but never put in words

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

if i'm less on tumblr these days, i'm trying to get my shit together. wish me luck. if i'm back online a lot a lot that's either good bc i figured something out or really bad lol

[tarot-by-e11e]

PAC: "What are you in denial about?"

After a long time of doing ask games, I finally got to sit on my procrastinating tush and try making another PAC reading.

We all have something we struggle to accept about ourselves, things we are subconsciously in denial about. It can be a habit, a little quirk that we're lowkey embarrassed about, or anything about ourselves that we tend to struggle to openly admit.

So, I want everyone who sees this PAC to know...

"Every facet, every aspect of yourself, even the parts that you struggle to accept or find a hard time resonating with, every little thing that makes the whole you, is worth loving and accepting.

Always remember, you're never too much or not enough for the right person."

(Note: this is for entertainment purposes only. Feel free to accept the parts that resonate and leave what doesn't. Never forget that you have free will.)

Choose the picture that you intuitively feel called to:

(the images do not belong to me.)

(TW: Some piles mentioned heavy topics, like pain, trauma or ab-se. Don't read through this pile if you're already going through tough times.)

Pile 1: 8 of Wands, Page of Swords, 6 of Wands

Hi Pile 1, the first thing that you are in denial about is how cutthroat your cut-off game is~ You’re the type that doesn’t really need a lot of time to recover from any terrible/unfortunate situation in your life. You’re not the type to cry over spilled milk.

For you, the world doesn’t stop spinning regardless if you cry your heart out or eat a whole tub of ice cream under your weighted blanket, so why get stuck with what ended?

Another interpretation for the first card is your ability to make sound decisions on the spot. This applies to your career. If a certain opportunity shows up in front of you, you can make decisive actions then and there, whether you would accept it or redirect this opportunity to someone who fits their description more.

With this specific interpretation, I picked up that Pile 1 is ambitious but not greedy (which is considered as rare combo in this day and age). If you happen to encounter a chance opportunity that will greatly benefit someone else, you don’t hesitate to recommend that person instead of taking the opportunity yourself.

It would seem that this pile subconsciously knows that opportunities are everywhere and it doesn’t run out. So why take every opportunity in front of you when you know one of your peers better fits that opportunity's requirements and skillset? You’re the pile that loves to share your blessings because sharing is caring~

The last tidbit interpretation for the first card is you’re in denial about your impulsive shopping addiction, thinking of ordering something impulsively online when you’re just about to sleep. I can already sense some of you are in denial about how many items are there in your online shopping cart~

The next thing you’re in denial about is your knowledgeable, witty, and chatty side. This card actually made me feel sad because it seems that you were made to feel that you are too talkative, some of you might be bullied about being a know-it-all.

This pile was made to believe that knowing a lot doesn’t make a lot of friends. That people who know less than you have more friends, so if you really wanted to make more friends, you were told to “dumb down” to make you more “relatable”.

There’s nothing wrong with having multiple interests and wanting to talk about it. Knowing a little bit of everything makes for an amazing conversationalist. So please, don’t let yourself be pressured to be stupid just to make friends. If the people around you aren’t interested in your niche, there’s the rest of the world that would gladly hear you talk about your interests.

Finally, the last thing you’re in denial about is you don’t feel worthy of the success and victory you aspire to achieve. Pile 1, please I beg you don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t have to suffer to deserve the abundance you’re working hard to achieve, okay?

You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to have your hard work be recognized. You owning up to your achievements and success doesn’t make you an arrogant person. You simply know your worth, more like, you’ll soon know your worth. There’s nothing wrong with giving credit where it is due, okay?

(this concludes your reading, Pile 1. Thank you for reading the whole interpretation of your cards. I do hope you give yourself the time and space to accept yourself, your flaws, and flaunts)

Pile 2: Queen of Swords, Hermit, Ace of Cups

(TW: I might unintentionally call your pile out. I do this with love, but seems my words might be a bit too blunt. So... sorry in advance)

Hi Pile 2, from the first card, it seems that you are in denial about your capability to be independent. It seems that this pile might be my parentified, burnt-out eldest child, “I can’t rely on anyone but myself; yet into too tired, so I just decided to give up on trying in life” kind of group. Could also be my fellow millennial pile~ The whole, “I was robbed of my childhood” pile.

Pile 2, it seems that you’ve seen that being a reliable and mature child brought you more headaches and early signs of grey hair, due to overwhelming stress and dysregulated nervous system. You’re like, “Screw it, I’m done being reliable, so I’m gonna start not taking the lead and just hole up in my apartment and enjoy being a NEET.

Being overly independent made a lot of people unnecessarily dump you with everybody else’s problems, which made you the community’s unofficial unpaid therapist. Being such a people pleaser, tending to everyone else’s needs led you to disregard your own well-being and sanity, to the point when you’ve had enough.

So now, you could have probably stopped trying because overachievers are forced to be people-pleasing over-givers, and you have had enough of that collective abuse of your giving and understanding nature. So you just stopped trying altogether. This led you to your current situation. Either in a dead-end job, having multiple part-time jobs that barely pay the rent at the end of the month, or unemployed. I should include a trigger warning on this pile before posting.

So with the first card alone, you’ve become hopeless and resentful of the world outside your four walls. Because when you took the initiative and did your best, instead of appreciation, you were buried with responsibilities that were never yours from the very beginning. Pile 2, you were unappreciated, that’s why you’ve reached your limit and stopped trying. But because of this self-sabotaging approach in life, you suffer due to a lack of resources, which then would further aggravate your already pessimistic outlook in life.

But here’s the thing, Pile 2. You know what you need to do to get out of your situation. You have the ability to make your life better. One way to ensure that what happened to you before won’t happen again is by establishing healthy boundaries with people around you. Yes, my chronic people-pleasing pile, I’m gonna hold your hand (in spirit) and tell this rather hard pill-to-swallow suggestion, Learn to Say NO.

I know, it sucks because it might be something you were never taught that you are allowed to do when you grew up. Either you have Pisces, Cancer, or Libra in the 4th house or you have prominent Pisces, Cancer, or Libra personal placements.

I really hate to be a bringer of bad news but in establishing healthy boundaries, you will finally learn which people in your life benefitted from your lack of boundaries previously.

Clue: they get mad that you told them No and they said that you changed in a rather condescending manner. That’s just a little clue, my Pile 2.

So from giving up on life to starting over again and owning up to your ability to be independent, it’s not an overnight change, this is a continuous journey of turning your life around for the better. So my dear Pile 2, be kind, patient and compassionate towards yourself on your path to independency.

Your whole body was so used to be in survival mode, then it went to freeze mode, so you need to work hard to regulate your nervous system to learn to be okay to put yourself out into the world again. That it’s safe to try again. That it’s okay to live your life the way you know works best for you.

Just always remember, to establish strong and healthy boundaries first, and then learn to soften a bit with selective people, every now and then. Use your discernment who deserves to have access in your life and be firm with your boundaries whenever some unsavory character tries to ruin and poison your peace.

You know what you can do, and you know what you’re capable of achieving. Regardless on how old you are right now, as long as you live, you are allowed to start over again.

Another thing you are in denial about is your natural ability for self-reflection. Some people have to learn to be self-aware enough to reflect on their actions and their impact on others, but you Pile 2 are a natural at it.

You might have experienced some sort of ostracization from your peers because you didn’t let yourself immediately conform and fit in. But you knew that doing what everyone else is doing, isn’t something that’s aligned with you. It’s like every cell in your body rejects any peer pressure that doesn’t align with your goals and belief system.

This could also be interpreted as you are in denial about being comfortable with being socially withdrawn. Being in isolation for so long, you’ve learned to be okay by yourself. This leads back to the first card about your ability to be independent. Since you can do things on your own, you don’t really rely on others, which is a jab towards people who crave constant external validation.

Your ability to be good on your own is frowned upon by a society that heavily advertises a collective, community-centric system. This ruffles a lot of feathers of those who heavily depend on others to decide everything in their lives. Basically, people with a sheep mentality won’t like you.

Which, in all honesty, it’s a great thing that people who can’t think for themselves don’t like you. Take this as a compliment, not an insult. Why would you want to conform when you know you have the ability to curate your life by your design? Why do you have to conform to look like everyone else, when you can be you for free? Think about that~

Of course, you need to take time to get to know yourself first and the process to that has a series of ups and downs, so just ride the wave with a surfer’s mindset. You’ll learn that their projections of you were never your responsibilities to begin with. Those are mere insecurities they actively decided to inflict on others. It was never your cross to bear. So why be bound by others’ fears when you have your own life to live according to your will?

The last thing you’re in denial is having opportunities to start again. This one felt rather odd to interpret because it feels more like a mindset issue. Particularly, you’re held back by your scarcity mindset, thinking you don’t have any opportunities to be abundant, when in reality, you do, it’s just that, it’s in a way that you never thought was possible. Okay, I think I’m starting to make sense of how this card is being interpreted.

So, do you about how the law of assumption works? What do you assume becomes your reality? It’s kinda like that but, it’s more of your reality unfolding to what you believe in. So let me try to break it down further with an example.

So if you assume that you don’t have a lot of going for you, then your mind will naturally find reasons/proofs around you to back up that belief. Your mind would like to reason why you don’t have a lot. Does this explanation make more sense for you? Do let me know in the comment section.

With that, the reverse is the solution. If you want to find reasons why you are having a great life, phrase your affirmations into questions. So for example, instead of saying, “The universe loves to take care of me”, rephrase it as “How is the universe showing me that it loves to take care of me?”. So when your brain hears that, it will look for signs, proofs, or shreds of evidence around you that will answer that question.

Another affirmation that you can turn into an ASK-firmation is “My life is amazing” into “Why is my life so amazing?”. Just try turning your affirmations into questions, read it first thing before you go to your phone, like any typical affirmation practice. Let me know how it goes.

(So this concludes your reading, Pile 2. I just want you to know that no matter what your age, race, socio economic class is, you have every right and opportunity to try again.)

Pile 3: World, 7 of Wands, King of Wands

(TW: I did not expect how unhinged the call-out is in this pile. So… like always, I’m sorry in advance)

Hi Pile 3, based on the first card, it seems that you’re in denial of your desire for belongingness. It’s giving, “I don’t care what anyone else says because I got me; then I cry myself to sleep because fck, I’m so lonely and feels so unwanted.” Yup, this pile needs a trigger warning too.

It could be that picked on you because of your uniqueness or nonconforming personal values. Another potential interpretation is being of mixed race or being in an environment that’s predominantly occupied by a different socio-economic class. There’s this heavy Uranian, almost Aquarius dominant energy in this pile.

Now, you don’t need to have the placements I’ve stated in your chart, this is just the initial vibe of this pile, the socially awkward and outcast pile. Now, as human beings, we’re social creatures, though varies depending on a person’s preference to live more introvertedly or extrovertedly. Even introverts have friends.

So with this pile, you might have been used to this prevalent shadows of alienation and ostracization by your peers/community because of the aforementioned clues above. But just because you’re used to it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt you or affect you in a negative way.

You know that it’s impossible to be liked by everyone, but it’d be nice to have a few like-minded individuals that you resonate with on a soul level. It’d be nice if you find your own supportive community too, which is absolutely normal. So please don’t shame yourself for wanting to belong. But you also need to remind yourself that if you have to change and dim your light to be accepted, you’re serenading the wrong crowd.

There’s this really niche suggestion because, in this economy, it’s not that easy to just pack up and leave into a different city/country that you feel called to, but if you have the means and you’ve thoroughly done your research, then by all means, pack up and go where you are appreciated.

Basically, the line goes, “Don’t dwell where you’re unappreciated.” But you still need funds, so if it helps you be motivated to get out and move away, try to do as much research on that city/country while working to save up for the necessary expenses you’d likely incur in your first 6 months in that new environment. If you need to learn the language, self-study in your spare time. Slowly find little ways to integrate the culture there into your daily life while preparing to leave.

But yes, pile 3, you’re not asking too much to wanna feel like you belong. There’s nothing wrong with you. So don’t apologize for wanting this, okay?

Another thing you might be in denial about is your overly defensive responses like easily triggered knee-jerk reactions brought about by denying the existence of your unhealed trauma from childhood. Damn, I really should put a trigger warning for this pile. Pile 3, you guys okay?? Still alive, barely breathing??

Seems to me that if you chose this pile, you got a whole lot to unfold. I can’t even make silly jokes to lighten the mood a bit. So the only thing I can do for you so that whatever time of your life you’re reading this, I hope you know, at least one person in the world wants to give you a Long Distance warm hug. I might not be there physically, but I am in spirit. But if you actually feel something holding you when you’re alone, then that’s a whole different spirit that you need to deal with personally.

So, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. What I’m saying is to be unaffected in public and execute your sassy vengeance in the shadows. LOL. But if you’re the type to be patient enough to let karma do its thing, then just wait and let the sht hit the fan when karma’s ready to come swinging.

Finally, the last thing you’re probably in denial of is your ability to take charge and lead. Pile 3, it seems that you’re the type that struggles to see yourself in a positive light. With how harsh and unemotionally draining your formative years may have been, you’ve been told too many times to suppress and conform that you ended up losing a little bit of yourself after every critique and degrading insult.

I’m here to tell you Pile 3, you have every right to feel what you feel. Don’t run away from it. Don’t deny it. Don’t shove it so far down your subconscious that it becomes a self-depreciating core belief that you’d struggle to heal in the future. Owning your power, accepting your light, harnessing your capability to lead and go forward. These things are way out of your comfort zone. Yet you know that these are things you are absolutely capable of. Let’s call it “Talents in statis”.

For you to awaken such latent abilities, you need to be gentle and compassionate with yourself in this journey. Self-development is a series and cycles of explore, experiment and re-strategize. So, if one approach didn’t sit well with you, there are other ways to improve that would best fit you. Curate your life as you see fit. Don’t just focus on working on the actually work need to be done. Work on improving and mastering your skills. The more you learn how to lead yourself, the more you’ll learn to feel more confident in leading others.

Don’t view mistakes as some irreparable stain in your soul. Mistakes are lessons guised as challenges for the purpose of character development. So, like a child that still learning to walk, feel free to do it messily and clumsily. It is in these attempts would you be able to harness and fully acknowledge your capability to influence and lead with conviction.

(This concludes the end of your reading, Pile 3. You know yourself best, both strengths and weaknesses. So you know what you need and have to do in order for you to learn to acknowledge the things you’ve been in denial about.

If you struggle to figure out how to start, do your research that you feel best addresses your current state of being. As always, take it slow, show compassion towards yourself, and always remember that “It’s only cringe until you make it.”)

Pile 4: 8 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Fool

(TW, yet again: This pile mentioned certain terms that might be triggering. So, if you intuitively feel that this is truly your pile, pause now and then. Let yourself just sit and breathe.)

Hi, Pile 4, the first thing you’re in denial about is that you are actually in pain. This pile feels like my self-sacrificing modern-day martyrs, particularly people who are or were in an abusive relationship. Another interpretation is being in denial of your codependency towards people who are doing wrong by you. Could also being in denial of being stuck in some mental cage of scarcity and limiting beliefs.

Damnnn, I need a trigger warning in front of this reading. This is giving “I can fix them” and “They’re not actually that bad until you get to know them”. Another vibe I can feel in this pile is accepting people for their potential. Also, this pile is giving “unappreciated hero martyred at the plaza pyre” vibes. The type that doesn’t realize just how much pain endured in hopes of acquiring the idea of someone. This is giving “limerence turned discarded puppet” vibes.

I’m sorry Pile 4 but the people who harmed you chose to stay for the benefit of their convenience, not out of love. They knew what they were doing to you was wrong. So please stop deluding yourself and remove those rose-colored glasses to see them for who they truly are, the master puppeteer of your demise.

Oh dear, pile 4 I really want to give you a hug! Please be brave and ask for help that you need. Report to the authorities and ask for their protection/assistance. Seek therapy. Talk to a friend. Do anything. Don’t leave yourself in a constant state of confusion because of their prolonged gaslighting had you questioning if you really being treated right or being suck dry of your energy and resources.

If you’re still confused if the amount of pain and trauma you’ve endured is normal, tell it to a trustworthy friend who can hold a safe space for you to speak your truth. Don’t leave out details. And listen to what they have to say after you’ve said your piece. You’ll know just how bad you’ve gone through with the help of their insight.

Another thing you’re in denial about pile 4 is your warm and loving nature. This could cause you to be shocked that this is something you’re in denial about because with everything you’ve gone through, you wonder, how can you still be warm and loving after all the pain you’ve gone through? But that’s the thing of pain, right? It highlights a clue as to what needs to be addressed.

When highlighting a certain issue that needs your attention, it’s expected that you subconsciously disregarded outer aspects of your life. Like, with how much pain you’ve endured, you’d question, how can someone with a broken spirit that lost hope, be considered as warm and loving.

Maybe, prior to the unfortunate series of your life, you were this warm, kind and nurturing person, that won’t hesitate to gave to someone else in need. Maybe the version of you before those pain is the version of you that’s warm and loving.

But I’m telling you right now, Pile 4, if you truly aren’t as warm and loving as you claim to be, then why didn’t inflict the pain you’ve sustain to other people? Why didn’t you pass your pain to someone else? Why do you still wish for a better and happier life? Why do you still have hope? I’ll leave this for you to answer whenever you feel like it.

Bad people wouldn’t feel bad nor wouldn’t contemplate if what they did or said could unintentionally hurt someone else. See? You’re not as bad and hopeless as you perceive yourself as. So, please pile 4, and never forget that once you get yourself out of that unfortunate situation, it’s safe for you to exist. It is safe for you to put yourself first. It is safe for you to try again.

Finally, you are in denial about your sense of wonder and innocence. It might have been because you had experienced quite a bit of betrayal from people who mistook your kindness for weakness in the past. Because of how you were played the Fool for seeing the potential in people, these manipulators used your sympathetic heart against you, making you guarded and distrustful.

You might have hated how you wanted to share your kind and giving heart when you were surrounded by a crowd of traitors. This made you resentful and closed off from the world to the point that you don’t see any reason to want to try socializing again Pile 4.

You are not at any fault for wanting to see life in a better and more positive light, Pile 4. We are living in a time where gaslighting and manipulation are the unfortunate societal norm. So being your authentic wonderful self takes courage and strength in this confusing period in time. As hard as it is to do, please don’t like the toxicity of the world corrupt your heart.

There’s nothing wrong with who you are and who you want to become. Embrace this innocence with open arms as this is actually one of your superpowers.

(This concludes the end of your reading, pile 4. Admitting to yourself that you’ve gone through pain doesn’t make you weak. Believing in the goodness of others doesn’t make you stupid. Treating people with love, compassion and respect is an unfortunate rarity in our modern world.

So let yourself feel what you’ve denied acknowledgment before. Be the safe space you want to exist in. Do take care and don’t feel bad for standing up for yourself.)

Always remember, this is for entertainment purposes only. If you are going through stuff, seek professional help.

[genericpuff]

The excessively passive voice when talking about Minthe being intended to have BPD is hilarious. "It was thought to have her written with BPD"? So weird

Honestly, once you start noticing this passive voice in how Rachel writes and talks, it's kind of hard to unsee.

Like, for starters, the BPD example. It's very non-committal, almost as if to sound like she never actually wrote her with BPD, it was just an 'idea' that she could neither confirm or deny as canon. But then you read the episode with the slap and-

It's- it's literally called "Splitting". It's about as subtle as a brick to the face. This entire episode showcases Minthe having an actual literal episode of splitting and it's plain as day to anyone who can read the title card and put two and two together. So for the wording to be so passive around her characterization... it wasn't "thought" to have her written with BPD, she was written with BPD.

Another example that sticks out in my mind of Rachel's passive writing is far later in Season 3, when Demeter reunites with Persephone and naturally expects her to come back home with her.

This line still fucking bothers me to this day. Besides the fact that it's just really poorly written dialogue, Persephone describes her being in love with Hades as if it's just some coincidental thing that happened to her that she can't avoid and not a deliberate choice she's making. "It would seem" my ass, Persephone is a coward for not being upfront and just talking to her mother like an adult by saying, "Mother, I love you, and I understand why you want me to come home, but I'm in love with Hades and want to stay in the Underworld with him." Instead the way it's worded is almost designed to absolve Persephone of any and all agency in her own decisions and active participation in her relationship with Hades by instead making it out to be just some circumstance that she can't get herself out of.

Again, this isn't quite as egregious as the aforementioned BPD scene, but it's still irritating because Rachel writes like this a lot throughout LO. And it's not just the dialogue either, entire decisions throughout the comic are flip-flopped and kept vague by Rachel so she can give herself plausible deniability over the narrative. I could come up with some of my own examples, but I think she managed to speak for herself just fine in the end-of-series Q&A that left both critics and fans of the series massively confused and disappointed:

LO is full of half-committed plotlines because Rachel herself can't commit to her own decisions. So the decisions she does make are left vague enough that hardcore fans are willing enough to fill in the blanks themselves, but anyone who asks her genuinely what her plan was, she just gives the same wordy "IDK it's up to your interpretation!" response. It's like she thinks people are asking her as just another reader who can only speculate, but she's literally the author, so why is she acting like her guess is as good as theirs?

Well, because that's how she wrote LO. That's how she's always written comics, with vague half-finished thoughts and just enough for readers to do the mental gymnastics of making sense of it all just to give her the credit for "smart writing" that she never actually did because she stopped paying attention after the first sentence. And that method of being vague for the sake of audience interpretation is fine for illustrations or anything that isn't trying to be a concise narrative, but LO did try to be that and it really shows how hard it failed in doing so when its own creator can't even come up with something slightly plausible to explain all the questions people had in the end. "There is some backstory there" but proceeds to not actually expand on said backstory. "I like to imply things without outright telling people", so do I, but the difference is that Rachel is using that as a crutch to not answer the questions she setup for her readers and then didn't resolve after five years. There's not wanting to spoon feed people the plot, and then there's literally refusing to explain your decisions when writing said plot, almost because you don't know any more than they do.

The entirety of LO is rooted in Rachel's passiveness, from her inability to answer questions concisely to every little plot point that was established and dropped throughout the comic's run. Writing a story is a series of decisions, deciding what to keep, deciding what not to keep, deciding what has to be changed, etc. and Rachel just... doesn't seem like someone who's ever been capable of making those decisions, especially when she's writing an actual long form story to the end and doesn't have the luxury of dropping it whenever it feels convenient for her like she did several times with The Doctor Pepper Show. Once she was actually held to a standard, once she was actually signed into a contract that expected her to make those decisions, she failed to and it culminated in one of the messiest conclusions to a story I've seen since Game of Thrones.

LO is kind of like Schrodinger's Cat - a plot point can be or not be whatever it needs to be so that Rachel can be either praised for smart writing she never did or absolved of bad writing that she did do. It's equally parts interesting and vague enough that whatever her readers give her credit for writing, she can give them a thumbs-up and go "you're totally right, champ!" and proceed to take all the credit of being a "good writer" from the efforts of her own audience who had to jump through a million hoops to make sense of her own messy writing.

But when she's put on the spot by those very same readers to answer for her own decisions, she can't.

Because she never made them.

Because there was never anything "deeper" going on, that's just what her style of "distraction writing" made you believe. The plot never lets you stop to think about what you just read long enough before zipping away to the next thing and distracting you with a new twist or a new character or a new plot point, and before you know it, you've gone weeks without reading about the last thing that was established you probably haven't even realized that those questions never got answered. Sometimes Rachel remembers to get back to those things and resolves them within a handful of panels, other times she forgets them entirely and just leaves them to rot in the hopes that no one ever calls her out on it. And when they do... she can just pull the get-out-of-jail-free "Welp, it's up to your interpretation!" card and get that credit all over again for being deep and insightful, meanwhile those who are rightfully dissatisfied with that answer are blanket-accused of "getting mad at Rachel for not writing the story they wanted".

To close out this ask that, per tradition, turned into an essay, I'd like to recall the famous words of fictional detective Benoit Blanc: "Look into the clear center of this glass onion... Miles Bron is an idiot!"

[moonsgemini]

dress - rafe cameron

summary: she’ll always wish she could enjoy the midsummer’s celebrations instead of working at it, but her secret moments with the kook prince make the bad tips worth it

warnings: rafe x pogue!reader, typical classist stuff but not from rafe, fluff, angst, mutual pining, alcohol, kissing

wc: 3.5k

an: this is based off of dress by taylor swift but my own interpretation of it I guess. If you guys want a pt. 2 with smut let me knoooow, I’m such a s!ut for rafe cameron pleaaaase

our secret moments in a crowded room, they got no idea about me and you

Midsummer was probably her least favorite day of summer. You’d think that being a bartender on the day that the whole figure eight came to the country club would bring in lots of tips right? Well wrong. During midsummer’s the drinks were complimentary and there was just a tip jar for cash tips. Kooks don’t usually carry around cash, or really tip for that matter. Also seeing all the kooks dressed in their pretty dresses and cute flower crowns made y/n go green with jealousy. She desperately wished she could attend as a guest and get to dress up and enjoy the food. Y/n would be dreading this shift if she didn’t have something to look forward to.

She had looked over herself in the mirror a million times, making sure her dress still looked as good on her as it did in the dressing room mirror yesterday. The tag was securely tucked into her side because she may have run up her credit card to be able to afford it so she had to return it after. Bartenders didn’t have as strict as a uniform as the waiters did. Her manager allowing them to wear black dresses for the night, and of course she was going to jump at the opportunity to wear something nicer than her boxy polo uniform and tennis skirt.

Her makeup and hair had been done to the best of her ability, without it seeming like she was trying too hard. Y/n would never admit to any of her friends or family that she was dressed up in order to impress a certain kook prince. The same kook prince she had spent months crushing on, and he never helped make the crush go away because he would shamelessly flirt with her every time he was at the country club. It was more like banter, she had a feeling he never really meant anything he said. But it felt so good to feel wanted.

When Rafe would see her around the outer banks he would smirk at her or give her a nod as to say hi. At parties sometimes he’d go up to her and make some small conversation. Teasing her about what drink she had or making sure that she didn’t give her number to that guy that was flirting with her. They’d be making conversation and she would take a step towards him wanting nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms and his scent. But then her friends would come and think they were saving her from the kook prince and pull her away, sending a glare Rafe’s way. She’s look back at him apologetically and he’d just give her a tight lipped smile and walk to the other side of the party.

Rafe really liked her, he liked making her laugh and smile. He wished he could make her quit her job and just come live with him, he’d take care of her. She’d never have to worry about bills or rent ever again. His friends always made fun of him for flirting with a pogue but he didn’t care. They’d say he was scraping the bottom of the barrel, that he had already gone through all the girls from figure eight so now he was entertaining a pogue. Rafe never let them get away with their jokes. He’d glare at them and punch them in the arm or kick them in the shin. He’d defend her honor saying she’s different and she’s a better friend than they’ll ever be.

All Rafe could do was think about her while he was getting ready. He knew she’d be there and he wanted to look extra nice. Tonight felt like the night he would actually ask her out. Y/n was a good listener, she was always there for him. At first he thought it was just because she was stuck behind the bar so she had to listen to him, but then he’d see her at parties and she still had that look in her eyes. That look that she was listening to him, actually listening to him. He felt like he was on a cloud with the way she looked at him like he was the most important thing in the world.

When she arrived to the country club she started getting all her things ready, the guests would start arriving in a few minutes. Stocking up on scotch and the best wines, she knew those would be the popular drinks tonight. As she worked diligently her mind wandered to Rafe, like it always did.

She wondered if he’d be the same as always despite his family being here. She wanted nothing more than to spend the night with him, but not while she served him drinks. She wanted to dance with him and drink with him, and then go home together at the end of the night.

Guests had started arriving, her eyes looking out for the dirty blonde. She was so excited and a bit anxious to see him all dressed up, knowing he’d look extra handsome. An hour had passed and she still hadn’t seen him. The country club was now filled with kooks and her tip jar only filled with about $20 when she’s certain she’s made twenty martinis and poured just as many scotch’s.

As she was handing Mrs.Weatherby her glass of merlot smiling at the older woman her eyes caught her favorite blue ones. Rafe stood across the room with Kelce and Topper. He wasn’t paying any attention to what Topper was saying as he watching y/n from across the room. When their eyes met a lopsided smile formed on his lips. Her cheeks felt hot as he looked her up and down, as much as he could despite the bar being in the way.

Y/n begged with her eyes for him to come over, to save her from the boring night. He knew her better than she thought as he started walking over, saying something to the guys that he’d be back. But as he was crossing the room his dad stepped in front of him.

Ward put a hand on his son’s shoulder, “Rafe please, don’t start drinking yet. This is supposed to be a nice night okay? Lets take it slow.” He turned him around to walk out toward the patio.

“Yeah sure dad.” He muttered not wanting to make a scene. He followed him out but looked behind him to catch the eyes of the girl he was infatuated with.

His heart sank a little as he saw her bright eyes dull a little with sadness. She tried her best to put on a smile and not show her disappointment but he knew her better than she thought. Ward had no idea of Rafe’s crush and even if he did he probably wouldn’t care. He’d probably be disappointed in his son for liking someone like her, then he’d tell him that she probably only wants him for his trust.

all of this silence & patience, pining & anticipating, my hands are shaking from holding back from you

The first few hours of the night their eyes just met, hers pleading him to come over and talk to her. Give her something to think about tonight before she went to bed. His eyes begged her to forgive him for not giving her the attention she deserved, especially in that dress. He hoped that she wore it just for him, it made her look ethereal. Rafe’s legs ached from trying to stop himself from walking over and kissing her with everything he had.

As the night went on she was always on his mind. He hated this stupid midsummer’s stuff, mostly because he couldn’t share it with the one person he wanted. It was filled with snobby people and teenager’s getting drunk on booze they had snuck in.

Rafe kept getting stuck in conversations with his dad’s colleagues, Ward wanting him to be more involved in the business. Or he’d be with Topper, Kelce, and some other guys having a meaningless conversation about lacrosse or surfing. Whenever he got the chance he’d look over at her and she’d have a smile on her face handing some old dude a drink. He knew it wasn’t her real smile, then her eyes would look over at him and that’s when her real smile would come out.

“Uh I’m gonna get a drink,” Rafe said trying to excuse himself from his friends. His dad would be fine with him having a drink now, it’s been three hours since the night started. Three hours of his fingers tingling with the want of tucking that hair that kept falling in her face behind her ear.

“I’ll go with you dude. I need a refill,” Topper said holding up his empty glass. Rafe held in the urge to roll his eyes, he wanted to go alone.

y/n was wiping down the bar when they approached. She looked up meeting eyes with her favorite boy, but then she looked over to his left and their Topper was

“What can I get you guys?” She asked looking between them, smiling at Rafe.

“Long island,” Topper said placing his empty glass down.

“Can I get a rum and coke please?” Rafe asked, resting his hands on the bar.

“Of course,” she nodded with a grin.

Rafe watched her as she prepared the drinks. Topper was trying to talk to him about who knows what, he couldn’t care less. He couldn’t pay attention even if he wanted to with that dress she had on. It fit her so perfectly, he wondered what it’d feel like under his hands. What it’d feel like to push it up as he touched the expanse of her thighs. Wondered what it’d feel like to hold her waist as he kissed her. If her skin was as soft as it looked.

“Bro you’re not even listening,” Topped said as he hit Rafe’s shoulder.

“Long island,” Y/n places the drink in front of him.

“You’re right I’m not.” Rafe rolled his eyes.

Topper took his drink without even thanking her, “Whatever dude I’m gonna find Sarah.” Finally Rafe was alone with his girl.

She placed his glass in front of him, “So where have you been all night?”

“Uh my dad didn’t want me to drink earlier,” He shrugged. He knew it was a half assed excuse.

“You don’t need to order a drink to come see me.”

He ran a hand through his hair, “I-I know but my dad thought that I was just coming over for a drink.”

She laughed bitterly not at Rafe but at the whole situation, “When I’m with you I forget I’m a uh pogue.”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me,” He reached out to touch her lightly. She leaned into his touch slightly, yearning to feel anything from him.

Her manager walked in, “Y/n, take your fifteen.” Taking over he place behind the bar, Rafe pulled his hand away from her.

“Uh yeah,” She gave him a tight lipped smile before walking to the back room. Rafe sighed and walked back out to where his friends were.

if I get burned at least we were electrified, I’m spilling wine in the bath tub you kiss my face & we’re both drunk

Y/n stood in the back leaning against the wall. She hated this town. She hated the labels everyone put on each other, it made her life so much harder. It was so easy when she was around Rafe even if it was a few minutes at a time. But then there was always something that reminded her of who she was and where she came from. It was either Ward, her friends, Rafe’s friends, her bosses. Someone always had to remind her where she was and who she was.

She rolled her eyes at herself. She walked into the back, in search of a bottle of wine. She found one she thought she’d like, popping it open and pouring herself a glass. Y/n felt like she deserved it, especially after tonight. The night wasn’t going exactly as planned, so she might as well drink.

After three full glasses of red wine her break was over. It probably wasn’t the smartest idea to drink while on the clock because now everything looked a little fuzzy.

“I’m back,” She slurred to her manager.

Lisa eyed her suspiciously, “Are you drunk?”

“No never,” She gave her a toothy grin trying to hide her tipsiness. The alcohol affecting her more and more as the seconds passed.

Lisa sighed, “Y/n you can’t be like this here right now. You know how bad this would look. If you get one of these jerk offs orders wrong and they smell that merlot on your breath they’ll have you banned.” Lisa tried her best to look out for the girl because she knew she didn’t have anyone that was looking out for her.

Her eyes watered at the thought of losing the only job she had been able to get on this whole island, “I-I can’t lose this job. I need this.”

Lisa sighed, “Go home. I’ll cover for you, and you can still keep the tips okay? Only because I care about you.”

Y/n sniffled bringing the older woman into a hug, “Thank you Lisa, I owe you.”

“Get home safe okay, call someone.” Lisa said rubbing her back. She walked (stumbled a bit) to the back to grab her bag.

even in my worst times you could see the best of me

Y/n didn’t know who to call, her friends were all at parties probably drinking as well. Her parents weren’t in her life. The one person who could help her had been watching her from across the room. Concern written all over his face. She looked at him with teary eyes and he was already taking long strides towards her. She met him halfway, the tag from her dress itching her side.

“Rafe,” Her voice was shaky as she hugged herself looking for some comfort. She knew this was all her fault, she shouldn’t have had that wine. She felt like she was always making mistakes like this.

Rafe’s hands held her face, “What happened? Did someone do something?” He asked with worry and a bit of anger. If one of these kooks made his girl cry they’d have him to deal with.

“No no I did something. I-I drank some wine on my break. I’m drunk Rafe and Lisa told me to go home. She um she said she’ll let me keep the tips today but uh can you take me h-home?” She asked barely taking a breath.

He brushed her hair back, “Hey breathe, I’ll take you home okay baby.”

“I’m sorry Rafe, I-I shouldn’t take you away. I feel so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. I’m glad I get to get away from this shit, especially if it’s with you.”

Ward had been watching the interaction from outside. He eyed as his son held the bar tender who he felt was trying to hard to look like she fit in with them, her dirty sneakers gave her away. In her defense you can’t really bartend in heels.

He walked over to them before they could leave, “Uh Rafe, what are you doing?” He didn’t spare a glance at the disheveled girl.

Rafe stood up straight, “I’m taking her home dad.”

“Who is this? The bartender? You can’t leave now. There’s still some guys I need to introduce you to.” He treated her like she was nothing.

“No dad I’m taking her home, this is more important.” Rafe wrapped his arm around her shoulders to lead her towards the exit.

Ward grabbed his arm as he tried to walk past him, “Don’t disappoint me son.”

He shrugged his shoulder to get him off, “You’ve made it clear plenty of times that it’s too late for that.”

They didn’t make a big scene but some people had been watching. They watched as the oldest Cameron led the girl outside, a pogue. Tomorrow word would spread all across the island just how cozy they were. Ward would berate Rafe about it but right now he didn’t care, he just wanted to get his girl away from everyone.

Y/n couldn’t believe Rafe had done that for her. He dropped everything for her, she really did feel like he was a prince.

only bought this dress so you could take it off

Rafe kept glancing over at her as he drove to her house. He was worried about her, she looked so sad and he hated seeing her sad. Her head was leaning agains the passenger window just looking out into the darkness.

“Sweetheart what’s wrong?” He finally asked breaking the silence.

She sighed looking over at him, “I feel like an idiot.”

“Why?”

“I put on this stupid dress that I can’t even afford and I got too drunk while I was working. I took you away from the party.” She shook her head at herself.

Rafe pulled into the driveway of her small house, her grandma had left it for her after she passed a few years ago. It was the perfect house for her but now she had to work overtime to keep up with bills.

“Lets talk once we get inside,” Rafe turned the car off and ran over to open her door.

They walked into her house, Rafe had never been there. This is the most time they’ve ever been able to spend alone, without anyone being able to interrupt them or pull them away from each other. He liked her house, it was very her. Warm lighting and pictures everywhere. She sat on the couch setting her bag onto the ground.

“You look amazing, this dress looks amazing on you.” He said as he sat next to her. She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I wore this for you. I wanted to impress you, instead I embarrassed myself.” She closed her eyes thinking about the events of the night.

Rafe turned to her, “I would drop everything for you. I have been dying inside to spend this night with you.”

“Really?” She asked looking at him with stars in her eyes.

“Yes, baby. And this dress does look amazing on you. You look perfect. I’ve wanted you since the first day we met at the club.” He tucked her hair behind her ear.

Her face flushed at the compliments, “But why? I’m just me. I don’t have anything, I can’t even afford this dress. I’m just a bartender.”

He shook his head, “None of that shit matters to me. You actually listen to me and you care about me more than my shithead friends ever have. I only go to those stupid parties to see you.”

“Rafe, I care about you so much.”

He couldn’t take it anymore, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. They were slightly swollen from the few tears she had shed earlier in the night. Her lips tasted like merlot she had downed. They moved in sync as if they had been doing this forever. He smelt like expensive cologne and she wanted to drown in it, she wanted to drown in him. His lips felt so good against hers, she had been dreaming about this moment for ages.

Her hands slid up his chest and into his hair. Pulling at the dirty blonde locks to encourage him. Rafe’s hands slid up and down her waist. Finally feeling the dress he had thought about all night. As the kiss grew more passionate he grabbed her hips and tugged her towards him. He pulled her to sit on his lap, her legs on either side of him. His fingers slowly slid up her thighs pushing her dress farther up, almost fully around her hips. Y/n’s thighs were just as soft as he imagined. His mind was racing with thoughts of everything he wanted to do to her.

The small whines that left her lips encouraged him to keep going. One hand moving behind her to give her ass a squeeze. He pulled away to press kisses against her neck making goosebumps rise on her skin. Her hands moving back and forth from tugging his hair to pulling at his blazer to get him impossibly closer.

“Baby,” He mumbled against her neck. She just hummed in return, too lost in the feeling of his lips on her. Tasting her like she’s always wanted him to.

“I want to keep going, but I know you’ve drank tonight. I want you to be be a hundred percent sober when I do everything I’ve always dreamed about doing to you,” He said looking up at her. He almost regretted his words and took her right then and there when he saw her swollen lips and hazy lust filled eyes.

She took a deep breath to get herself to focus. Her senses were overloaded on Rafe, “Okay, can you stay? Please?”

He leaned forward giving her another kiss, “Of course, I’ll always stay.”

[qierxing]

A/N: An interpreted continuation of @shiny-jr wonderful fic. (checks calendar) Uhm, happy three month update to this series AND 1k notes on the first part! I would say sorry for the wait, but I really did need it LOL. Anyway, it's not super obvious, but the timeline is a bit all over the place in this part, because I'm jumping back and forth between past and present.

TW/CW: Immolation, violence, implied stalking+actual stalking, obsessive behavior, mild psychological and body horror, toxic relationships, Yuu uses it/its pronouns, we get a little meta in here, the boys are FIGHTINGGG I. II. | Isekai AU | Yan! Heartslabyul x Reader

“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I—I hardly know, Sir, just at present—at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”

“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpillar, sternly. “Explain yourself!”

“I ca’n’t explain myself, I’m afraid, Sir,” said Alice, “because I am not myself, you see.”

— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Caroll

vi. Mourning

It is incredibly hard to get Yuu alone.

Whether it be by the forces of fate or just because so many vie for their attention, there is rarely, if ever, any time when someone is able to spend time personally alongside them. The only exception to this rule is Grim, who was practically the player's companion from the beginning.

So when Ace Trappola manages a rare chance to snag some one on one time with Yuu, he guns for it. Course, he had to time it perfectly. 

It was just another night like any other. Ace and Deuce decided to come over to hang out for a casual sleepover as usual. The four of them did initially start out studying, before the textbooks and worksheets were being abandoned in favor of more exciting things, such as the deck of cards that Ace brought with him.

Sending Deuce and Grim off to get snacks through a won bet over a card game was easy as pie.

"Hey Ace?" 

He hums in response, letting Yuu know he's listening. His nimble fingers shuffle the worn cards, flipping through them with practiced ease. Stacking them up quickly, he wonders if he should try to impress Yuu with another card trick to gain their enthralled praise.

"Do you…like…being my friend?"

The question makes him blink and look up in surprise at Yuu. It feels blasphemous to hear such doubt lingering in their words.

"Why? Scared I'm gonna ditch ya?" He teases.

Yuu doesn't respond, only giving a sheepish smile back. 

"I-It's not like I don't like being friends with you." He tries to keep his cool. "I just-"

Yuu's smile doesn't falter. "It's okay, Ace."

He's reminded of his previous girlfriend in middle school. It was more of a fling than a serious thing, but it's something he remembers vividly. Their breakup, after all, was rather dramatic.

"You're too much, Ace. Sometimes you just take it too far." 

What was even her name? Elizabeth? He could barely even remember, but for some reason, he still recalls the intense way her face was twisted in burning resentment. He tried to bury it in the past. He swore he would never fall in love or get into another relationship, preferring friendships over any kind of romantic trysts.

Now that he looks at Yuu, he already knows he's screwed up big time.

Yuu's gaze is no longer meeting his, instead staring into the fireplace that Grim had so generously set up earlier. The crackling blue flames reflect in their irises and in that moment, dread curls inside Ace's stomach. Yuu doesn't seem right.

"Hey…you okay?" He asks hesitantly, placing a hand on their shoulder.

Yuu doesn't move, still staring at the fire intently. He opens his mouth to ask again, but then they speak.

"If I wasn't acting like myself, would you still like me?" 

Another question out of left field. 

"Even if you somehow grow anemones on your head, Yuu's still Yuu, right?" His heart swells in pride at the way their lips quirk at his inside joke. 

"Yeah…" they murmur back. 

"Wanna see somethin' cool?" he says, holding out a card. Yuu tilts their head questioningly.

"It's the ace of hearts. What about it?"

"It's not just the ace of hearts!" Ace puffs out his cheeks. "Don't you know the meaning of this card?"

Yuu shakes their head.

"It means good news for yourself or someone close. Practically a lucky charm!" Ace waggles his eyebrows suggestively. "So how can things go wrong now that you have me?"

Yuu snorts and shoves him playfully. "Yeah, yeah, okay, Mr. Lucky Charm."

But it works. The foggy clouds clear from Yuu's eyes, finally returning them to the familiar luster he's used to. For the rest of the night, there is no hint of hollowness within them. And Ace hopes he will never see that sight again.

-

He should've known something was up since that night.

When Headmaster Crowley personally makes an appearance at their dorm, he should've realized it then. If there was anything that the old raven hated more, it was having to do more work than usual. 

"That person wasn't an imposter." Crowley says, coughing awkwardly into his fist.

The solemn words echo in his head on end. The rest of the Headmaster's words start to tune out for Ace. Automatically, his legs begin to move on their own. The calls of the others chase after him, but he ignores them, racing out of the lounge and towards the mirror portal.

Because if you didn't hurt Yuu-

-then what had he done?

When he first arrived in NRC, he didn't even know that Ramshackle dorm existed. Not until Yuu came to reside there; until he had to beg for shelter from them when he was chained with that damn collar. He knew that they didn't have to take him in. But they did, and maybe that's why Ace couldn't turn his back after that. 

The building before him is no longer the broken down hovel that he remembers back then. He remembers how the roof was almost caving in and wooden beams were always in danger of collapsing. Each knock on the entrance doors would send cascades of dust upon his head. Now, the walls are painted with a fresh coat of paint, the roof has new shingles, and the place actually looks like a house you could safely live in. 

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Prefect! Are you there?!" He yells, desperation leaking into his voice. "Please!"

Bang! Bang!

He's gotta be out of his damn mind, acting like some crazy person. But he can't help but be blinded by his fear. So he keeps hitting the door with his fists, praying, hoping, for…well that someone would open the door.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Yuu!!" He screams, and his voice echoes around him, mocking his helplessness. His fists are becoming numb from slamming the wood so hard, but he can't stop himself.

"Yuu–!"

"Oi! Ace!!!" A rough hand on his shoulder shoves him back and before he could knock the souvnabit-

"Ace, look at me!"

He's stopped by Deuce's fists meeting his in an even match of strength. Like an illusion broken, Ace stills and yanks his hands back.

There's only heavy breathing in between them for a long while. 

"...they're not here." Ace snaps to look at Deuce, who only closes his eyes in a painful grimace.

"What do you mean, 'not here'?" Ace asks.

Deuce doesn't say anything for a beat.

"What do you mean they're–"

"They're in the infirmary." Deuce's words flow out in a breathless rush. "The Headmaster said that after you ran."

Fuck, he just acted like an idiot then. No wonder no one was responding to his absolute earth shattering door banging and yelling. Then the meaning of Deuce's words begin to sink in. Oh Seven, no–

He turns and before he could even step in the direction of the main building, his arm is yanked back.

He snarls at Deuce. "Let me go! I have to see the prefect!"

"Housewarden is calling you back." Deuce forces out through gritted teeth and closed eyes. "The Headmaster said that…they don't want to see anyone."

And like a fire put out, Ace's anger chokes to flickering embers.

He lets Deuce guide him back, all the way from the Ramshackle dorm, to the mirror portal, and then back to Heartslabyul's lounge where the other three are grimly awaiting them.

Ace half expects to be yelled at once he passes the threshold. Or get some kind of lecture on how he should have better manners than to just run off like that. It would've been just like his housewarden to only care about weird, arbitrary rules when there were other arguably more important matters.

But his housewarden sits silently on his gilded velvet throne with glassy eyes. There's no anger burning behind them, and the freshmen are terrified to see their once proud and fearsome queen reduced to this husk. He almost would rather him back to the state where he was barking out orders for them. The silence in the lounge is deafening.

Ace swears they must be all thinking the same thing.

Please let this be a bad dream.

-

He tried calling you. Texting you. Hell, he even tried messaging you on Magicam! Magicam, of all things! 

Anxiety claws at his heart with each unread message and dial voice tone greeting. He has so much to say, to ask for-

Deuce wasn't faring well on his side either. He had also tried calling and texting you, to no avail. Grim, that traitor, hadn't come back to visit Heartslabyul at all since the incident. Never mind the fact he had only himself to blame for that—he thought at the very least the cat direbeast would have some sense of pity for their friendship and throw them a bone. 

Ace tried two more times to meet you. 

First, during your infirmary stay, when you were still unconscious.

The second time was when you returned to Ramshackle dorm with Grim.

Maybe the Seven were punishing him for his hubris. Or he supposes this is just karma. Because both times, he fails spectacularly at the front door of Heartslabyul. Because of this, he's the reason why Riddle had put them all on house arrest (with the exception of academic reasons, of course).

It's a declaration that would've been met with mutiny from all of them, if it weren't for the fact that even Headmaster Crowley had explicitly forbade anyone from showing up on Ramshackle's doorstep or trying to meet you. So he understands. Really! He does. He's seen how Riddle holes up in his room, muttering to himself while carrying out boxes upon boxes of crumpled paper. When he manages to snag a stray paper that flutters out on garbage day, Ace realizes that Riddle is also just as frenzied trying to reach out to you. Even if he is going about it in an old fashioned way.

He'll chip in to help. If his housewarden is left to his own devices, they’ll all be fossils by the time he sends what he deems a satisfactory letter. 

And the faster they do this, the faster they have a chance of reaching you.

vii. Embalming

The most horrifying thing is that it doesn't seem to care about dying.

That cursed pile of ceramic shards had disappeared—no, pieced itself back together—and once again, it became the smiling face of Yuu, the being they all knew and used to adore.

Riddle Rosehearts immediately smashed it to pieces again under the weight of his magic.

No one had tried to stop their housewarden. Not even the faceless mobs. Even if they were all alarmed at the erratic behavior of their housewarden, they could not deny the fear of seeing something dead come back alive. With not so much as a dent or wound in them, for that matter.

The third time it happened, Riddle ordered for the remains to be dumped into the school’s incinerator at the highest heat level. Surely, that would be enough. 

He watched as the incinerator roared and shuddered, shaking as if the pits of hell had opened. After a few agonizing minutes, the rumbling stops, and before he can even breathe a sigh of relief, the iron hatches creak open, and out strolls Yuu, perfectly fine and pieced together again.

It's magic. Or some kind of century old curse. Of course it is. After all, it was at a higher power than even Draconia's comprehension. Why he didn't consider the possibility beforehand is something he berates himself now. 

What might be the most damning thing is that it has no fear or suspicion in its face; even after the multiple times it’s been maimed and torn apart. Not like you, who immediately closed themselves off at being hurt so thoroughly. 

The irony isn't lost on him. The temptation of letting the puppet take its place back in favor of just bringing everything back to how it was is something Riddle could not deny. But now that he's actually met you, Yuu just seems more of a shadow of what he remembers during your interactions together.

It has your face. It acts like you.

But it's not you.

When Ace asks after the commotion at the Unbirthday party on how he was able to figure out that it wasn’t [First], he had to take a moment to gather his thoughts. Ace’s face changes into something of disbelief when Riddle merely replies with: “[First] takes their tea with two sugars and a dash of milk.”

“You were so sure only because of that?”

He doesn’t want to think what Ace’s face would look like if he had explained his whole list of reasons how he realized that the puppet wasn’t you. How he soaked up as much as he could when you came over for the tea party. Your expressions, your little habits, the way you fidget…it was all filed away in Riddle's head and later, his private notebook.

But that doesn’t matter now. Now, there’s an even bigger problem than the puppet resurrecting itself.

Grim is missing again.

This alone should've been more worrying than anything for Yuu, but it merely shrugs and says it’s not sure where he scampered off to. He's more than suspicious, of course, but there is no proof, which is infuriating already.

But without Grim, they are missing the key to finding [First]. 

The others raise hell once they hear the news Riddle reports at the weekly housewarden meeting. A new wave of tension washes over NRC and with it, an unprecedented deep disdain for the puppet. It returns back to classes unannounced, making Ace and Deuce rant to him about how weird it is that it’s trying so hard to act like nothing had happened. It attends school events with their camera, drumming up conversations like normal between all of them; despite the fact it gets ignorance or violence in response (depending on the person it greets).

But none of them are really sure on how to interact with Yuu.

The nicer ones, like Trey or Deuce, entertain Yuu with frigidly civil responses, in hopes of boring the puppet and making it flit away to another victim. Meanwhile, he and Ace have finally come together on an agreed opinion: that they would rather die before letting the puppet even think it could take [First]’s place.

“Go away.”

Yuu merely smiles in response to Riddle’s annoyed voice. The puppet leisurely lounges in the chair across the table from him. The school library is vast but empty, his authoritative voice echoing down the long halls. Several floating books flit past above their heads and the chandeliers above flicker with bright candlelight.

“I just wanted to keep you company.” Riddle purses his mouth in disgust. It’s invasive, it’s gross, and most of all it feels wrong to hear those words coming from Yuu. 

“I didn’t ask for your company,” he replies coldly. “Shouldn’t you know that it’s bad manners to bother someone who wants to be left alone?”

“I don’t think you like being left alone, Riddle.” He flinches at the way Yuu’s eyes bore into him. “Well, then again, you sure like to pretend you’re fine, don’t you?”

His hand tightens around the textbook he’s reading about cursed dolls. There would be no point if he brought out his magical pen and reduced it to rubble. But he is tempted, if only to get some peace and quiet for just a few minutes.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Riddle says.

“Hmm…” Yuu hums into its hand, “...then I suppose I will just let you be. What a shame, I had something entertaining to tell.”

“What? What do you mean?” 

Yuu giggles and waves him off. “No, no! You said you didn’t want my company now. Why should I tell you anything?”

He resists the urge to incinerate the book in his hands. “Fine! I would like your company. What is this ‘entertaining’ thing you want to tell me so badly?”

“Hmm…how insincere,” Yuu tilts its head coyly with a smile more akin to a smirk. “But I guess that’s the most I can get.”

“Since you’ve all been driving yourselves crazy, [First] is safe.” The floor feels like it’s been yanked underneath him. The puppet is smiling still, as if it’s all some big joke rather than the revelation it delivered. He can hear his blood roaring through his ears.

“You…” Riddle snarls, face heating into a bright red rage. “What did you do to them?”

It bursts into laughter at his face. 

“Why, I only granted their wish!”

Its laughter is cut short by the sound of ceramic being crushed, and Riddle is left shakily breathing at the pile of shards that used to be Yuu. The puppet’s words churn over and over in his head.

What did you wish for? 

-

It is currently 3:20 on a Wednesday afternoon. 

In his planner, the bullet point neatly penned on the schedule shows ‘Studying for History Test’ in bold blue ink for the time slot. ‘History of the Queendom of Roses’ is laid open on his desk, to the chapter about the local mythos of the area, just as he intended. His notes from lecture are next to it, with several of his stationary needed to jot down annotations. 

And yet, Riddle has yet to touch any of these items or actually adhere to his daily schedule—he’s too distracted by what he should do in order to reach the player.

Riddle's already embarrassed enough, resorting to handwritten letters with the best calligraphy he can muster. He's sent only a couple that passed his satisfaction, and they have all been met with judgemental silence. He’s hunched over another crumpled letter near ripping his hair out when someone knocks on his bedroom door. He quickly shoves the envelope under some textbooks out of frantic instinct.

“Come in.”

A familiar bob of red orange hair pops out behind his door, and Riddle raises an eyebrow at the underclassman who enters.

“Ace? What is it?” Normally, Ace would never be in his room if he could help it. If he was in Riddle’s room, it most likely meant he was either being scolded or punished. And Ace’s eyes are shifting side to side, as if he was trying to sneak his way in. 

“Out with it, Ace.” He’s not in the mood for the underclassman’s shenanigans.

“Housewarden, you’re writing letters to the prefect, aren’t ya?” The question completely takes him off-guard sputtering.

“W-What does t-that have to do with you?” He tries to maintain his composure, but Ace is already giving him a smug smirk for the one up on him. Of all people, it had to be him finding out. 

"I had an idea, Housewarden. Why don't we send them something with the letter?" Riddle blinks in surprise.

“...How smart of you for once, Ace.” It was so simple, yet he marvels at the idea's brilliance. Perhaps there was merit in trying this proposal.

“Hey! What the hell does that mean?!” His underclassman snaps back in a huff. “Whatever, point being, maybe we should switch it up instead of letters all the time.”

He crosses his arms, “And what do you suggest? There’s not much we can really send that hasn't been sent already by other dorms.”

Ace winces. Clearly he didn’t think about the other dorms with more affluent people; people who had more than enough thaumarks and prestige to spend it to appeal to you. Riddle can't blame him either: although he is at the top of the school and his parents are well known mages, it's not like any of that could help him here. All of them, in a sense, were stuck in that situation. 

For once, he starts to resent not having more.

"Ugh, well…maybe it doesn't need to be so fancy, you know?" Ace rubs his neck, face scrunched in frustration. "Like…uh…you know-flowers! People send flowers all the time, yeah?"

This is true. And for Queendom of Roses’ residents, it has become custom to send bouquets with subtle messages left in petals and stems. Although he is a bit loath to admit that he isn’t as well versed in the language of flowers compared to hedgehogs.

"And what do you recommend, Ace?" He asks. "What would be the best flower to send to the prefect in our circumstance?"

"We got all these roses, why not send them that?" Ace responds, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Riddle coughs in annoyance. 

"Why not just procure some from Sam's shop? Today is Wednesday. Do you not remember rule 228?" He chides. Ace groans, rolling his eyes. 

"Not the weird rules again…"

"Ace."

"Yeeesss Housewarden…" The card soldier mock salutes with a deadpan expression. "I'll see if we can get some flowers at Sam's."

"You better, or else it's–" 

"-off with my head, I got it, I got it." Riddle seethes as Ace cuts him off and dashes out of his room before he could get another word in. So troublesome…

Still, there's nothing to do except wait for his card soldier to report back. He turns back to his desk, bringing out the crumpled letter from its hiding place. Running a hand over the crumpled pages, he attempts to pick up his pen again, but fails as his thoughts begin to wander. 

Riddle only manages to pen a couple legible sentences when his door slams open, banging against the wall. He almost falls out of his chair in shock from the loud noise. How was Ace back so quickly?

"Have you not heard of knocking?!" He scowls, turning around to see Ace panting and sweating as if he had run a marathon.

"Never mind that, Housewarden, I saw them!" Ace shouts. 

“What are you jabbering…” Riddle trails off in realization. “You better not be horsing around, Ace.”

“Do you think I would lie to you about this?” Ace retorts frantically. “I saw them at Sam’s shop working the cashier!”

For a moment, his mind races with this information. If you were working at Sam’s shop, it would explain why you weren’t showing up to classes, let alone in the hallways or rooms of NRC. It’s a clever ruse—classes may be over during this time of day, but nearly all of them were participating in mandatory club activities or study labs. No wonder no one else has caught on to this. Riddle rubs his chin in thought, settling back in his chair.

“What are you going to do now, Housewarden Riddle?” Ace asks hesitantly. His eyes are filled with some kind of anticipation and hope, no doubt wondering if he could get some leeway in his own agenda. Normally, he would go right away as there was no need to hesitate about these kinds of things.

But. Crowley’s stern announcement comes back to his mind and guilt starts to creep in. 

“First, we’ll go with your idea, Ace.” He responds. “The ban hasn’t been lifted, after all.” Ace opens his mouth to protest, but he holds a hand up to interrupt him.

“But if that doesn’t work, then I’m sure even Crowley can’t say anything about coincidences.”

viii. Calling Hours

“I’m not joking around, you two.” 

There’s very few times that the vice housewarden of Heartslabyul gets truly mad. His patience seems boundless, honed by years of taking care of younger siblings at home and then dealing with rowdy underclassmen in NRC. But even his saint-like patience could only stretch so far.  

“I told you, we didn’t do it!” Ace scowls with furrowed eyebrows and crossed arms. Meanwhile, Deuce is silent by his side, face twisted with conflicting emotions. “You don’t even have proof! You just singled us out just because!”

“Who else was around the kitchen when I left it?” Trey asks, voice starting to rise in anger. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you two lurking around before?”

The two freshmen began to speak out, voices rambling over each other and cascading into a loud shouting match that was barely intelligible.

“We just wanted to see if we could get something from the fridge, how were we supposed to know someone would-”

“Me and Ace just wanted to bring something along when we deliver the Housewarden’s invitation to-”

"You dumbass, don't just say that out loud-!"

It’s at this moment that Cater Diamond strolls in, takes one look at the mess of the situation and does a 180 back round to the door. But it’s too late, because the interruption is just enough for Ace to sink his hooks into him.

“Cater-senpai, you believe us, right?” Ace shouts after the orange head, making him flinch in place. “You saw us get the order from Housewarden Riddle!”

Cater turns around slowly like a door on rusty hinges, with an expression that screams of not wanting to be involved. "Oh Acey! Uhm, you mean the letter Riddle gave you two-"

"Yes!" Deuce interrupts in earnest, already trying to barrel his way to proving his innocence. "Housewarden Riddle entrusted us to deliver the tea party invitation ourselves personally." 

Cater turns to Trey, who is rubbing the bridge of his nose, eyes closed with a tiredness that seems comically reminiscent of an old man. "Well, I'm not sure what this is all about, Trey, but maybe you should cut 'em some slack and let it go."

The other senior nods in reluctant agreement and the two freshmen all but nearly trample over each other trying to run from the tension filled room. But they're stopped in their tracks when Trey calls out again.

"Wait, you two." The duo slowly looks back with cautious eyes.

"You wanted to bring something to the prefect, didn't you?" Trey tilts his head to one of the many strange topsy turvey cabinets in the kitchen. "I have some leftover cookies that I made yesterday. Take them. I'm sorry for accusing you guys like that."

Ace and Deuce exchange confused glances, and although Ace looks away in denial, Deuce nods in gratitude. They leave the kitchen just as chaotically, this time with the aroma of lavender following them.

A brief silence follows their absence, while Cater raises an eyebrow at Trey.

"Sooo…care to spill the tea?"

"Don't even start." Trey groans.

Cater seats himself on one of the stools near the counter, waiting. Trey busies himself with cleaning the stoves and counter, trying not to meet Cater's eyes. Silence falls, but it's with none of the comfort that Cater is familiar with. Giving up, he turns to his phone, refreshing his Magicam dash mindlessly. This continues for a good while until finally—

A low sigh, then– "Somebody took my candied violets."

Cater looks up from his phone. Another beat passes, and he realizes it's not a passing statement. 

"It's not like you to get this bent out of shape over your ingredients going MIA." Cater shifts his face onto the elbow meeting pristine marble while shoving his phone away. "You sure that one of the froshes didn't just end up taking them thinking they were for everyone?"

Trey lets out a rough guffaw. "You know better than I do that the others don't touch our stuff."

Cater taps his fingers on the polished white granite, hands already itching to grab his phone and check for updates, but he restrains himself. "That's…mostly true."

"That can only mean one of you guys has taken it." The hairs on Cater's neck raise at Trey's tone.

"Hey now," Cater grins, raising his hands in mock surrender, "you heard it from those two. I was with Riddle when he gave them that invitation."

"I know." Cater's fingers twitch as Trey carelessly tossed aside the rag used to clean the counter into a bucket. The soggy fabric makes a hollow sound against the wood, echoing rather loudly in contrast. "But Riddle would never do such a thing either."

Cater resists the urge to roll his eyes. It's true that their cute housewarden would hardly dare to stoop to thievery, but Trey's blind faith in him can be annoying at times. After all, didn't their little teapot tyrant threaten to kill the prefect at one point?

He supposes that was his fault, though.

"Then it's back to square one." Cater shrugs. "Besides, what were you even planning to do with them if you weren't gonna eat it?"

The baker runs a hand through his mussed forest green hair and frowns. "I was going to bake a cake with them as a peace offering to the prefect."

Cater's mouth forms an 'o' shape in realization. "That's pretty big brain."

"Yeah, but look how that turned out."

"It's fine~you were able to at least send cookies this time round." Cater finally cracks, digging into his pocket for the familiar grooves of his phone case. "All's well that ends well, right?"

Trey doesn't respond and Cater is too engrossed in his phone to look up to see his expression. He slides off the stool naturally, tapping through recent posts and comments, eyes laser focused on recent posts on his dash. 

"Cater." 

There it is. It's the most recent story reel by Ace(according to the time stamp, about two minutes ago). It's an inconspicuous black out picture with several cute teapot and teacup stickers decorating the screen. The banner message is short and sweet: 'Dorm tea party bout to get real this month 🤔😶'

"Cater." Cater's attention snaps back and towards his friend, who gazes at him with dark eyes.

"Please don't lie to me next time."

With that, Cater watches as his long time friend finally leaves the kitchen. 

Thank the Seven he did. He might have been a decent actor, but Trey has been with him through thick and thin, and it's given him the annoying ability to see through his tells.

Really now. Trey knows that he hates sweets. Shouldn't that be enough of an alibi?

It's not fair that Trey already has everything to set him up for a good relationship with you. Even if they're all set back by their violent reaction to you arriving in this world, he's sure it would only take a couple tries with Trey offering genuine heartfelt food to get to you.

It's just not fair. 

Isn't he fun to hang out with? He consistently gets compliments online for his suave looks and easy personality. So why couldn't he compare to-

He shakes his head. There's no point in overthinking it now. Cay Cay #3 had easily taken the cutely decorated jar of violets and discarded it in the dorm dumpster. Like candy from a baby.

He knows it's petty. But for once, he feels much better, knowing that he upset Trey's original plans to ensnare you.

Now, he once again checks Ace's story reel and screenshots it, while quickly pulling up the search bar. He just needs to level the playing field.

-

There can only be one fake bitch in this house and Cater has had enough of the competition.

“I wasn’t aware that you were going to visit me, Cater.” 

The puppet tilts its head with a warm smile, but there’s a frosty undercurrent to the greeting. It’s clear that he’s not welcome, if the way it’s blocking the doorway of Ramshackle has anything to say.

“Yeah, I ended up losing something here. You mind if I look for it, Yuu-chan?” Cater asks innocently. “Promise it won’t take too long.”

“Hm, sure. But I don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking for.” Yuu's grin is sharp as a razor blade. It knows what he’s here for and it’s definitely taunting him. That little–

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to look~” He responds back airily. His fist curls around his phone in his pocket tightly. The puppet shrugs and walks off, leaving him standing in the doorway.

It’s been a while since he’s personally been at Ramshackle dorm. Cater remembers how Ace complained about the house being a real fixer upper, but then again, he doesn’t remember much of that, since Yuu always spent most of the time at Heartslabyul dorm. The renovations certainly made it much more pleasing to the eye and more importantly, livable by HOA standards.

There’s nothing to write home about the living room. The coffee table is bare and there’s no wrinkles in the sofa cushions at all. It’s a little eerie—as if no one even lived in the house in the first place. The only sign of living was perhaps the fact it is clean of dust or dirt. 

Nothing in the kitchen either. He gives a wayward glance to the second floor, searching for any signs of movement. Couldn’t hurt to be thorough. 

Rows of tall doors pass by as Cater opens each one of them. A storage closet, a spare room, an electric cabinet, another storage area–it all blurs by after the fourth door. There really is nothing, as if the whole house has been wiped of any trace of you. He's about to toss in the towel when an old, dusty memory crops up. His little freshman, Ace. Cater swears he had been making fun of Yuu for seeing strange things at night. Something about a mouse?

Right, their room! Why didn't he think of looking there?  

His feet take him rapidly from memory to the door that was the third from last in the hallway in the east wing. He manages to wrench the door open to see a regular bedroom, bed sheets barely stirred. Before he can even put one foot in, a throat clears behind him. 

"It's rather rude to go into other people's bedrooms, don't you think?"

You got to be kidding me. Cater turns around with the fakest smile plastered across his face. Yuu looks unamused, tapping its foot impatiently against the wooden floorboards. 

"Just wanted to make sure, y'know?" Cater replies. Yuu gives a tight smile back. It goes around him and shuts the door with a hard thunk.

"Ever heard about how curiosity killed the cat?" 

Cater shakes his head in surrender, "I guess I need to look elsewhere for my lost item."

The entrance doors slam shut behind him hard enough to startle several birds out the dead trees in the yard. Cater doesn't bother giving a look back as he strides out of the yard and past the gated fence surrounding the property. That glimpse was enough and much more. Cater smirks to himself, taking his phone out and sending a quick text message to the group chat. Yes, curiosity may have killed the poor kitty cat…

But satisfaction brought it back.

viiii. Eulogy

It might surprise people to know that Trey Clover's first real friend is Che'nya Pinker.

That's not to say that Trey had trouble getting along with others as a kid, oh no. Everyone in his neighborhood agreed that he was a very sweet boy, who looked out for others around him. When he wasn’t taking care of his baby sister, he would be asked by other parents around the block to look after their own children, whether that be playing soccer games with the more energetic kids or patty cakes with the quiet ones. So it isn’t a stretch to say that he’s friends with nearly everyone. But Che’nya was a special case.

Their first meeting is still burned into Trey’s memory.

“You see it too, don’cha?” The boy had greeted him while swinging upside down on a low hanging tree branch. Trey had half a mind to scold him for the dangerous action before he actually looked at him. 

The first thing that takes Trey off guard is that he has eyes. They’re a shiny yellow, just a shade lighter than his. His pupils are long and thin, not round like his at all. He supposes it must be like a cat’s pupils—for he’s never seen anything like it. Then it’s his unique colorful hair, streaks of light pink intermingling with dark purple, making a strange striped pattern across the chopped uneven hair. Trey faintly recalls a certain cat from their local legends, whose fur boasted those very same colors. 

“...What are you talking about?” Trey eyes him warily. The cat boy gives a cheeky grin. He vanishes and then reappears in front of him, albeit with missing arms.

“The people around us who wear the faces of strangers.” Trey’s skin gets goosebumps at the way the boy observes him. He is not looking through Trey, but at him. Their eyes are directly making contact. “But you’re different. You have the face of a friend.”

“And what do you mean by that?” Trey furrows his eyebrows. The boy's grin stretches wider in response. (His teeth were rather blunter than expected, but his canines were pointed.)

“You’re strange. I’m stranger. Together, we can both be strange,” the cat boy chirps back lightheartedly. “The name’s Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker. But you can just call me Che’nya.”

Something in his mind had clicked then. It’s hard to explain the feeling–just that it felt like a puzzle piece put into place. He hadn’t known it then, but at that point, the hands of fate had moved. 

Whatever the case may be, Trey was grateful to have Che’nya. Because now he knows that he isn’t crazy; not when he couldn’t see his parent’s faces nor his baby sister’s or even his other friends'. Che’nya too, only shrugs his shoulders when Trey asks him about his grandfather.

“The old man? Yeah, they say I have his eyes, but I wouldn’t know.” The statement is so casually delivered that Trey can hardly believe he’s talking about his only living relative and guardian. “His face does not mirror mine in my mind.”

Staring down at you, shivering with cold and hunger, he feels something churn in him again, just like that fateful day. 

He has his orders from Riddle: bring in the imposter alive. Trey isn’t a violent sort and nor does he enjoy boasting his strength over others like a sadist. And he cannot deny the feeling of cold rage that day when Yuu shuts down, fear inundating him that he may never, ever, get an explanation for the world he was born in. Why he and Che’nya were special, why he had to witness Riddle suffer under his mother–what was it all for?

Your face. There is no blank stretched skin—he can see your wide open eyes, bloodshot and fixated on him. Your mouth too, shaped in a pained grimace, lips bruised and bloodied from previous skirmishes. Surely, surely, there must be a reason why you were here. Why you bear the same face as Yuu. You hold all the answers, if you would just cooperate.

“Hey, I’m not gonna hurt you,” Trey tries reaching out, but you scurry back into the hedges, squinted eyes wary and untrusting. You remind him of a frightened hedgehog, prickly spines bristled and body curled in to protect yourself. “I just wanna talk.”

“Go away, please,” the imposter quietly pleads. “Just pretend you never saw me! I swear I didn’t even know how I got here…”

Trey swallows hard. 

“Just come quietly. Please.” He is the one begging now. “It’ll be easier for all of us.”

“For who?” The imposter barks a sharp laugh. Trey doesn't miss the way they wince in pain from their wounds. “For me? Or for you?”

He doesn’t have an answer. The sound of running footsteps has him turning, and when he looks back, you’re already gone. The only traces that you were there at all were faint splotches of red blood and crushed grass.

Trey wonders if this, too, was meant to be fate.

—

Trey’s been lovingly dubbed as someone reliable. Some consider him to be an older brother figure due to his nagging and supportive care. It's ingrained in him at this point from the years he’s spent playing babysitter. Trey knows the students around him are not his younger siblings who need constant watching (although their actions say otherwise).

But he worries.

Just a bit. Trey knows better than anyone that you can take care of yourself just fine. He's seen how you carry yourself within those hedges. 

It's just that, he doesn't know if you're okay right now. How could he know? You've been silent even in the face of Riddle's unceasing letters. So of course he's just a bit unsure if you're actually okay, or if you don't trust them enough to say so.

Trey finds himself more frustrated with the ban they're under. Not because of the inability to see you, although that is part of it. No, it's because Riddle has managed to skirt around that rule to desperately grab onto you, and that was just enough to wear you down. 

He thinks if he was bold enough, he could've tried.

As if it wasn't enough, even Ace and Deuce find their own way to get to you, snatching up the chance to deliver the monthly tea party invitation. It takes everything in Trey to clench his teeth and let go—even when Cater ruins his plans. He can't get mad here because it won't get him any closer to you. He has to be the bigger person.

If there is one thing Trey knows about Cater, it's that he absolutely hates getting sweaty or dirty. If Cater wasn’t trying to get out of running those P.E laps, he would absolutely be shirking any extra work assigned. So he's more than suspicious when Cater bounces up to him with a grin saying he could help cover Trey's science club duty of watering plants. 

Trey likes to think he can tell when Cater’s lying. His close friend's happy go lucky demeanor often throws off others, but he’s been with him long enough to pick out his subtle tells. His eyebrow twitches when he’s particularly anxious and the corner of his mouth tends to perk up if he’s feeling particularly daring or desperate. Trey figures this must be something that even he can’t trust Trey with, if he’s going out of his way to take on extra work.

So Trey considers this repayment for letting him take his violets. He watches as Cater dashes off in labwear, waiting for a minute, before following after him. His duty was in the tropical zone of the botanical garden, so he has no worries even if he does lose him. 

He nearly does a double take when he sees you walking in the courtyard hallways by yourself. And before Trey could rethink his actions, he follows behind you, eyes not leaving your form for a minute. 

You look like you haven't slept well. There's dark circles under your eyes. He hopes you're brushing your teeth. There’s no signs of bandages or wounds that he remembers you in, which he supposes is one relief. Even if he so desperately wishes to cook you a proper meal—you look like you could fall over at any minute.

The realization your path is leading to the botanical garden comes just as Trey catches sight of the glass dome. He wants to rush in after you, but he stops himself just as the door swings close behind your form.

Cater is in there. It all makes sense now. Trey has to give it to him—Cater really does know every little happening in the school. But Trey knows him well too—and if he had to guess, even if Cater manages to talk to you, it won’t end pretty. His inability to be genuine will definitely only set you on edge and less likely to reciprocate. 

The waiting game he plays is nothing compared to the silence he had to endure before. Trey doesn’t have to look to know that you’re the one slamming open the doors to the botanical gardens, labwear dirtied and face twisted in a frustrated anger. He watches as you enter Professor Crewel’s office again and after some time, pop back out in completely different clothes. 

His chest tightens in longing as he continues to follow after (more from an instinctual drive now, rather than deliberate), trying to keep you in sight within the stone pillars. He wants to call out after you so badly and ask you what’s the matter, if you need help with anything. If there was anything he could do to make you forgive him for watching you bleed out on dewy grass. The sun is about to set, warm golden rays flickering between pillars and casting long shadows. Trey’s so enamored with following after you that he flinches back when the sun directly shines into his eyes, blinding him momentarily. 

He barely manages to get a hold of himself. By the time his eyes blink away the blurry blots, he realizes you’re looking back at him. His breath stops. Your eyes are wide and frightened as they are that day, and his heart drops to his stomach. Both of you don’t move, merely staring at each other. 

You finally break the connection, turning around and quickly walking away. Trey gasps, remembering to breathe, lungs screaming for air. 

What was that?

x. Entombment

It's a nice sunny afternoon in the Heartslabyul domain. There weren't any track club activities nor dreaded remedial lessons. If anything, this free time would have been perfect for a nap. He hadn’t been up to any large shenanigans like this since the whole fiasco of [First] and Yuu. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” 

Ace scoffs, rolling his eyes. “You got a better one, loosey Deucy? If we don’t do this now, then all of us are stuck until Housewarden grows a pair of balls.” 

Deuce Spade bites his lips. “I just think there might be a better way around this.”

“Yeah? And the sky is blue. Keep going, we don't have much time." Ace cranes his neck to the side of the bush, eyes warily looking out to make sure the coast is clear. 

Deuce grumbles but continues plucking, some roses already tucked within his arms. They chose a bush the furthest away from the dorm, in a hidden corner where no arched windows could overlook them. It was necessary, because today was Wednesday, and the Housewarden would have their heads for plucking his beloved roses out of all the flora.

His fingers are bleeding already, finger pads torn from repetitive tugging on the thorns and stems. They couldn’t afford taking any of the gardening tools, lest they be questioned for what they were doing with them. Still, even he had his limits.  

“Why is it that you aren’t helping at all?” Deuce snipes at Ace, who scowls back. 

“You want to be caught by someone, genius?” Ace replies snarkily. “Someone has to keep look out.”

“Doesn’t explain why I have to do all the work.” 

Ace rolls his eyes, deigning not to bother engaging in another futile argument that would lead to nowhere. Deuce is about to cut off a particularly stubborn rose when Ace pipes up again.

“...Did they ever respond to your texts?” Deuce only deflates in response. Ace’s mouth slants crookedly in an annoyed grimace. The two of them know full well what the answer to that was.

“Damn that cat…” Ace mutters bitterly under his breath. Deuce doesn’t say anything. He too, is finding it hard to not feel petty towards Grim right now. Weren’t they friends? He could’ve afforded to help them out somehow. But it’s no use. Their texts went unanswered. Headmaster had banned them from stepping foot onto Ramshackle grounds. It’s like you had closed everything off from them.

It’s why he doesn’t protest this plan, as reckless as it is. He’s not any better than Ace—he needs to see you. He and Ace were your closest friends, your first friends! He loved you. That had to mean something. If it didn’t, then…

“I think this is enough.” Deuce adjusts the messy bouquet in his hands, attempting to hold them without crushing the delicate petals. Ace looks over and nods in approval. He takes out crimson ribbons and a silk handkerchief and begins tying it around the stems in a very artful way that has Deuce’s eyebrows raising.

“Where did you get that?” Ace smirks in response at the interrogative question.

“Don’t worry about it.” Ace snatches the bouquet from his hands and slips in an envelope with the housewarden’s seal. Deuce silences the questions on the tip of his tongue. For whatever Ace has planned, he’s rather not know anything more troublesome than necesscary. 

What he failed to account for was getting caught. Housewarden Riddle was beyond furious for what they did. It was only by Trey and Cater's gentle reminders that what they did was for all of them, that he only calmed down.

Deuce supposes three days with the collar is better than a week. Even if it is a heavy thing that weighs on his very soul.

He only hopes that you don't notice the thorns they forgot to trim.

—

It’s a given that although Trey is the right hand of Heartslabyul, Cater is considered the left hand of Housewarden Riddle. It’s been that way since Deuce himself enrolled in NRC, and possibly even further back. He hadn’t understood it quite then, but after some time, he realized something that he should’ve realized a long time ago. 

To never get on Cater’s bad side.

There are events where the five of them gather outside of Yuu’s influence. Administrative meetings, monthly tea parties, and the occasional casual hang out. When you’re aware of how much of your life is affected from being not like the others, it’s common to side with those who are like you. 

Cater had called the meeting this time. It was a bit out of the blue, at least for him and Ace. It’s only when they’re all gathered around the playing table in the lounge, not another soul in sight, when Deuce realizes Cater has that gleam in his eye. One that screams that he got a viral lead on a hot topic. His upperclassman must have been investigating.

"Remember how mirrors are considered to be portals?"

Deuce's neck prickles.

"Your point, Cater?" Their housewarden is impatient, not aware of what the question poses. His arms are crossed with his eyebrows furrowed in a frustrated glare. Deuce realizes that he must have been the one to send out Cater.

"There's a mirror in the prefect's bedroom." Deuce blurts out, and Riddle’s steely eyes snap over in surprise. Cater nods in affirmation.

"Yeah. I only managed a glimpse, but Yuu covered their mirror." Cater says. 

“Hold on, you went into the prefect’s bedroom? Scratch that, to Ramshackle?” Ace asks. “Why are we just getting this now?”

“Because I just came back Acey,” Cater flicks his forehead, causing Ace to exclaim in pain. Trey smiles faintly at the action. “Also Riddle told me to keep it confidential—you two would have ran straight out if we had told you.” 

Deuce sheepishly rubs his neck at Cater’s pointed sentence. Riddle rubs his chin in thoughtfulness, eyebrows still furrowed. 

“But there isn’t anything magical about that mirror, is there?” Riddle asks, skepticism coating his tone. “The puppet could have simply covered that mirror out of an odd preference.”

“Acey, didn’t you mention that Yuu always mentioned seeing things in that mirror?” Cater responds, deflecting the question upon his underclassmen. Ace straightens as he and Deuce both exchange a glance.

“Yeah…something about a mouse in their mirror,” Ace answers slowly, face scrunched in an effort to recall memories. “I always thought it was just crazy dreams but…”

“Yuu was always insisting about it,” Deuce chimes in. “Said the mouse speaks to them and everything—that there was another world it was in.”

Trey and Cater share a furtive glance together before looking at Riddle. Their housewarden seems to be taking in the new information, closing his eyes in thought. For a while, no one dares to speak. 

“What do you think, Riddle?” Trey finally breaks the heavy silence, and Deuce breathlessly releases a sigh. Leave it to Trey to speak for all of them.

“If the mirror in the bedroom is magical, then that changes things.” Riddle pronounces with conviction. “If that mirror potentially holds a dimension, then that would be the perfect place to trap someone.”

“Cater.” The orange head straightens to attention at the stern command. “Find a way to get the puppet out of the dorm for a while. We’ll need to look into this ourselves.”

Cater smirks and a chill runs down Deuce’s spine. While Cater still has an easy going look, his jade green eyes have darkened with a sadistic gleam. 

“Roger that, housewarden!” His upperclassman chirps, already taking out his phone. 

Riddle is already barking orders that each of them are to take up within this mission of theirs. But Deuce nearly misses his task, eyes stuck on Cater’s face as he scrolls his phone.

He catches a glimpse of a photo before it’s quickly clicked away. Deuce snaps back to Riddle just in time for Cater to shoot him a wary glare, checking to make sure no one else was looking. 

Deuce is very glad he is working together with Cater.

[itsclydebitches]

Don't mind me, everyone, just gonna slip on my Tedependent conspiracy hat for a bit...

Okay, for real though, can we talk about how Trent's backstory in 3x06 completely re-contextualizes his dinner with Ted in 1x03? Based on my own interpretation, the implied timeline is that Trent was married to a woman, attempted to come out to her and was dismissed (perhaps in large part because they were married: what do you mean you're gay? You can't be. You love me, etc.), either having his daughter forced Trent to become more honest about what he and his family needed, or they had her in an attempt to "fix" the marriage, she gets caught in the crossfire of all this, Trent comes out again, this time his wife believes him, they divorce, are still good friends, and their daughter is happier than ever because she has two loving parents who are now living their best lives.

Given her age - 3 at the start of the series, about 6 now - that means there's a decent possibility that Trent was still married at the beginning of the show.

And that his dinner with Ted is one of the things that pushed him to try coming out again.

As his core Ted is someone who is authentic and that authenticity is what catches Trent's interest. He's dismissive of it at first, literally thinking it's a "fucking joke," only to later end up with the revelation, "You really mean that, don't you?" - that Ted honestly enjoyed spending time with him. AKA, Ted says and does what he means, even when it seems completely unbelievable. How freeing must that be to see? I'm just imagining this interview-turned-dinner through the eyes of a man who is still unhappily married, mostly closeted, and struggling to help his daughter through the stress of that dynamic. Then he meets this sunshine of a coach who is so authentically himself that it initially comes across as an act, an exaggeration, a joke. But Ted never wavers, simply refuses to be anything other than himself. Soon he's doing even more than that, breaking down gender norms by characterizing the masculine, aggressive Roy Kent as the "little girl" from A Wrinkle in Time, burdened with the responsibility of leadership. He turns what should have been the end of a horrific day of shadowing into a dinner date and Trent finds himself answering the hard-hitting questions instead of his interviewee. Ted brushes off his accusation of greed with, "Wait, I'm supposed to be getting paid?" but Trent is completely caught off guard by Ted's "What do you love?"

The textual answer is "writing" and the fun fandom answer is "you," but if this is a Trent who still hasn't fully come out yet that's! A hell! Of a question!!! A closeted, queer individual's mind is going to jump to their biggest secret and, when offered an out, they're going grasp at it, so Trent eagerly agrees with Ted's guess of "writing" the same way Colin eagerly pulls the 'This is a gay bar? Haha, my mistake' card and makes a run for the door. Reading this interaction as Trent not just being gay, but potentially being closeted and unhappily married makes it less about the journalism (this strange coach likes me and thinks I can be a good person despite my invasive career choice) and more about his sexuality. Oh, no big deal, just having an intimate dinner with another good-looking man who's questioning me on love of all things and slowly inspiring me to be the best version of myself, which would require coming out to my wife again. This is a totally normal and not at all life-changing night! I definitely don't need to run away now!!

Via this reading Trent's article feels so loaded. Ted is "out there in the community" either "bravely or stupidly facing the music." That sounds a hell of a lot like a parallel to literally coming out and facing the music of a community's potential rejection, with Ted's American background/inexperience/unique personality acting as a stand-in for sexuality; the reasons he's labeled a "wanker" before anyone actually gets to know him - as the pub trio does while those very words are narrated by Higgins.

And then we have this:

"If the Lasso way is wrong, it's hard to imagine being right.... and though I believe that Ted Lasso will fail here... I can't help but root for him."

There are other elements at play here, like the football's celebration of ego and the threat of the club being relegated, but underneath it really sounds like a still-cynical Trent wanting to see the kind of changed world that those like Ted could bring about, but not really believing that it's possible. Given his history, is he really just talking about football when it comes to "the Lasso way"? I doubt it. Trent is potentially feeling trapped at this point in time, pessimistic to the point where yes, he still thinks that Ted will fail at football and creating a more inclusive, accepting community... but even still, Trent can't help but root for him. Of course he can't. He wants what Ted is offering. He needs it.

But then, of course, Ted succeeds! Not just in doing well by the club, but by the community as a whole. He maintains that inspiration and hope until, potentially, Trent felt like he could do something about his own situation. He found the nerve and strength to try again. So he comes out to his wife, they divorce, their daughter is happy, he goes on a date with a mustached man at the local pub, ditches him to try and 'interview' Ted, blows up his career because he realizes that his job is undermining the very thing he's been rooting for and he can't not give Ted a heads up, begins shadowing Ted as he looks for something "deeper," and then comes out to Colin, gazing wistfully across the water as he imagines being able to kiss a man after a win...

I'm not saying Ted Lasso is going to go there - and I'm DEFINITELY not saying there should be ANY accusations of queer baiting if/when they don't, because we've absolutely built the majority of this ship in fandom spaces - but I AM saying that if Trent's potential intersection of his history with Ted's influence and Ted's desire to shake things up while imagining bisexual triangles actually led to something... it would be a damn well done setup!

[ravenshavenn]

Snape Christmas headcanons

Severus really enjoys cinnamon flavoured food, especially around the holiday season, it makes him feel sort of fancy and also festive, on particularly cold days you can catch him with either gingerbread or cinnamon flavoured cookies

He's used to the cold weather and actually prefers it to summer time especially because it always gave him an excuse to wear baggier clothes in his youth

Planning presents for people was always a struggle as when he was younger money was a problem but now he's older its just deciding what to get and trying desperately to work out what people like

Minerva always invited him to the staff Christmas dinner and he always refuses but will reluctantly be dragged to it after much complaining, only to actually end up enjoying himself and leaving at the end of the night looking a tad drained but happy nonetheless

Occasionally Severus will indulge in a hot chocolate but its not particularly his thing, he thinks most are a bit too sweet but will make his own dark chocolate version at home and sip it while reading, Snape finds its a nice way to treat himself

Growing up Snape never fully believed in Santa especially because Christmas always became a hard time with his parents fighting and financial issues that Christmas bought looming overhead, although for his students Severus will present them with a seemingly meaningless card, which is often interpreted by students as holding very little emotion but Severus will spend hours going through his register and writing them out so every student receives a card as well as a chocolate frog for his Slytherin students

[blood-orange-juice]

On Childe, scheming, the whole Arle conversation and everything.

I can't really agree either with the interpretation that he secretly a scheming mastermind or with the interpretation that he's naive and gullible.

Rather I have the impression that he knows his limitations very well and he plays around those.

He can't charm the Traveler into liking and trusting him in Liyue (we obviously remain mildly hostile to him throughout the whole arc) but he doesn't need it, does he? The Traveler is desperate and Childe is their only source of help, so they have to dance to his tune anyway.

(his best move there was to pick a desperate person and an outsider)

He can't know what Pulcinella is planning (it was translated weirdly but in CN he says something like "I'm not good at understanding relationships"), so he pretends everything is fine while digging for information when he can.

He can't outscheme Arle so he just... asks. Very bluntly. Why not if it works.

I think it's way more badass than simply being a better schemer than everyone. He's just good/decent, not a genius, but he knows that about himself and makes use of that knowledge.

He also repeatedly makes use of people underestimating him and he seems to pretend he's simpler than he is around colleagues. He was doing it with Zhongli too ("Mr.Zhongli you are so smaaart." "Oops, chopsticks are so hard to use, I'm so silly."), so why not with other people. I think it's a way of defending himself. People won't try to play 11d chess against him if they think he is stupid and the usual 5d chess he can manage.

It's actually very interesting how in Labyrinth warriors he drops his mask for a bit and lets us know that he can follow schemes and analyse them very well. I came to see it as a sign of our friendship no less important than the vision handover. In a way he revealed his cards there.

[akookminsupporter]

Hey Rosie, so i did a thing a decided to visit some taekook blogs to just read some of their theories to see if i could understand where they are coming from because no matter how hard i think about things, i just can’t for the life of me understand why someone will honestly still ship taekook in 2024 and even after watching everything Jikook have done for and to each other in years and when i tell you i lost braincells, believe me i did.

I’m one person who believes that people should be free to believe in what they want to as long as they are not being dismissive of other members bonds but i realized that, that is literally the only way taekookers cope. They are blatantly dismissive of Jk’s bond with Jimin and only acknowledge it when it comes to moments they cannot argue and then the want to play the “they are bestfriends so it’s normal” card even though just right before that, they were claiming how Jk arrived Yoongi’s concert and ignored Jimin. How can u say this and then when someone brings something which obviously shows how Jk cares about Jimin you are back to claiming that they are bestfriends even though you think Jk will arrive a concert and ignore his bestfriend just because he wants to cling to his “boyfriend”? Make it make sense.

I know that in the last years, jikook spaces have gotten really toxic and some jikookers are becoming as delulu as tkkrs but i will always thank God for the handful of sane jikookers we still have because trust me when i tell you that there is not a SINGLE sane taekooker in this world. All of them have either been brainwashed or are plain stupid. For the most part, most jikookers pay attention to facts to try to make sense of jikook. Yes we do have our theories but you don’t see Jikookers sticking to their theories as proof of the damn ship but this is the opposite for taekookers. They actually don’t care about the facts. They don’t care about what the boys have to say or what has actually happened all these years. They only care about their own interpretation of the boys actions and words.

You wouldn’t hear them bringing up tangible reasons as to why they think their ship is real. They will bring up reasons like the fact that taekook wore the same shirt on the same day and same time even though they were in different continents💀. They will bring up things like hearing taekook’s voices in each other’s Lives and the only proof they have for this are the voices in their heads.

I am one of those who believes that Jikook sometimes hide in each other’s Lives but i don’t believe this just because i see them look to a certain direction for 3 seconds or because i hear a random sound. My belief is backed up by the fact that we literally have evidence which has been consistent for over a decade which points to the fact that Jimin and Jk are the two who spend the most of their nigts together. I didn’t come to this conclusion by imagining that they do, i came to this conclusion because they have literally told us this so many damn times. So if i hear a voice or feel like someone else is in Jimin or Jk’s room at some odd hour, i am more inclined to think it is Jimin or Jk rather than anyone else because those two have a history of being in each other’s rooms the most, you get? It is the same as, if someone has a reputation of being a theif, if something gets missing everyone will most likely look to them first before anyone else.

Another thing that is really weird to me about taekookers is how they blatantly ignore everything we have witnessed Jikook do for years and then they hype up taekook doing some of those things for a 6 months period. This entire fandom has seen Jikook arrive and leave so many places together for years with or without tae present. We know that Jk has hung out with Jimin and his friends for years. Infact we saw Jk with Jm’s friends way b4 anyone ever dreamed of Jk hanging out with Tae’s wooga but when Jk did all these things with Jimin, it didn’t matter and it meant nothing but now, some of them consider it irrefutable proof that taekook is real because Taekook arrived and left a concert together ONCE in 10 years and because for the first time in a decade, Jk was seen hanging out with Tae and his friends for a period of time. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

Do you remember those days when taekookers used to swear that Jikook hanging out alot outside of work was proof that they weren’t real because according to them, no closeted couple in a homophobic country will expose themselves so much? Remember when JM and Jk sharing cars was fanservice? Remember how they downplayed Jk’s lives about JM in chapter two because it was “official content” but were praying Jk did the same for tae and when that didn’t happen, they switched their narrative to “Jk was forced” or “Jm needed promotion while tae didn’t”. I honestly don’t understand how they even make sense to themselves. Ask them why they think Jk and tae are a couple when there is literally evidence Jk spending birthdays and couple holidays with Jimin and not seeing Tae some times at all and they tell you, Jk and tae have to protect themselves by lying that they don’t. So you mean to tell me that Jk and Tae don’t feel the need to “protect” themselves when they are attending premiers or when tae is namedropping Jk 1783787 times or when Tae is coming to announce that Jk sings him a song but they only feel the need to “protect” themselves when it comes to admitting that they go to greet each other on birthdays?

You see that their entire premise of belief in their ship is making other people the villains in taekook’s lives. The big bad company who constantly separates the boys in camera, constantly forces Jk to do fanservice with Jimin, constantly cuts their moments, Jimin who constantly forces himself on Jk, who doesn’t respect his friends relationships, Jk who is lilly livered and cannot stand up and say no to the money hungry company, Jk who sometimes hurts tae by playing along with the “fanservice” and poor tae tae who has to sit there and take all of this. Poor tae tae who has a terrible soulmate and a boyfriend who cannot fight for him. He is the real victim in all of this. I honestly don’t know how they don’t see how incredibly stupid they sound.

Sorry for the rant.

Anon, thanks for the TED TALK.

Honestly, there is not much I can add. Thanks for taking one for the team and read what las vecinas are saying, you are a stronger person than me because I have never been able to do that. I think two of the key things for that group to stay afloat for so long are:

Not seeing original content.

Living in denial.

And that's why they will always be around, no matter what.

[hiswitchcraft]

I am a witch who's trying to get back into witchcraft after an immense amount of burn out. The burn out wasn't due to the witchcraft, it was due to things piling on my brain in general. What sort of things do you suggest to ease myself back into it? If you don't have an answer that's okay, just thought to ask

I've been dealing with this myself and I actually just made a video on it that I really like not too long ago, so I think I can help you!

How to Come Back to the Craft After Burn Out (+ A Guide to doing Witchcraft with Low Spoons) 

I was burnt out in general and because of the craft, particularly because of the way I was filtering my personal practice through social media. I realized a lot of my burnout was tied to pushing myself, and shame. I feel like maybe this is common. This is a mix of both personal and witchy advice, and I may be projecting, but I think you have to focus first and foremost on not rushing back in and getting overwhelmed by adding a bunch of stuff to your routine at once and trying to do everything right or perfect. A good practice or routine is sustainable, not perfect. Perfect is the enemy of good, and also the enemy of done. I've had to focus on this a lot recently. 

With this in mind, you might be wondering where you should even begin when it comes to actually practicing again. Remember to go slow. I’d suggest thinking about what you were doing and interested in before and start practicing and researching whatever sounds the most fun when you’re ready. You could also go over any notes you had about your practice before, if you had a blog or something look at that, etc. You get the idea! It will help you remember and might inspire you. If you really enjoyed tarot for example, you could do that when you feel inspired to. Starting slow is important. if you want go slower you could just do whatever practices you were doing before, or like now, whenever you feel like it. You could also try working witchcraft into your routine. Routine is hard for a lot of people but it doesn’t have to be intense. It can just be adding one thing. That’s all it needs to be. It could be something you do once a month, once a week, when you wake up, after you brush your teeth, only some days or whatever you think will make you feel the best.  

Of course I don’t know anything about your practice but to inspire you and others, here’s some ways you can easily introduce magic into your life. 

Daily divination  A tarot card every morning is what I like to do but you could use any kind of divination you like! 

Meditation  Meditate for a few minutes every morning/evening. Even 2 minutes makes a difference. Also, despite popular belief meditation does not have to be emptying your mind. 

Dream interpretation  Interpret or just journal about your dreams! Honestly journaling in general I think is great for witches. 

Witchy items of the day  Pick out some items to carry on you for the day. This could be crystals or herbs you want the properties of, a hag stone, or other items with properties you want to draw to you or use in your practice. 

Intention in drinks & food!  If you have coffee or tea every morning or day you can stir intention into it. Clockwise for things you want in, counterclockwise for things you want to banish. Or that’s the typical belief/way people suggest doing it. You can also stir sigils into it or add items to your drinks/food with or by intention. 

Enchanting personal care  Another way you can bring magic in your everyday life is enchanting personal care products. I’d do this for added layers of warding but you could get super creative with this and do whatever intention you like. 

Sigils sigils sigils  Sigils are fun to make. You can use them for a ton of other things on this list. Stir them into your drinks. Draw a sigil on your skin using lotion. Write them on your walls for warding. Sigils, sigils, ... sigils! 

Spritz cleansing If you have a hard time cleansing or not a lot of energy right now when you DO have energy you can put together a mixture for cleansing using a spritz bottle and then you have it done and ready to go ahead of time for many cleansing sessions. Beware of herbs and things you add if you have any allergies/pets. Actually just research any plants you handle anyway. 

Layering your wards  If you’re struggling with burn out right now you probably don’t have a lot of energy so this is a tip I like for when this happens and just the long term overall. Always add small layers using different methods to your personal and spacial wards. An example of this I love is some of the above, carrying an item with strong protective properties or writing sigils on the bottom of your shoes/sewing them into your clothes/etc are some other ideas I love. Customize as needed! Be creative! 

Basically just think of things you do everyday and try to make it witchy! Or think of practices you want to do more, like maybe cleansing, and figure out how to make it easier. 

Also I did mention research. I think in addition to picking a practice to try again or add to your routine, picking a topic to research that sparks interest may help too. Here are some ideas for that!

Intention 

Cleansing 

Charging

Grounding

Warding 

Circle casting 

Consecration 

Visualization 

Meditation methods 

Divination types (some are listed below)

Tarot 

Oracle cards 

Lenormand 

Pendulums 

Runes

Scrying

Astrology 

Palmistry 

Dream interpretation 

Spell types & spell construction 

Taglocks 

Sigils 

Other symbols & what they mean

The Theban alphabet 

Color magic 

Moon phases 

The Elements 

Correspondences of days, times, etc 

Crystals 

Moon water

Black salt

Plants, herbs, and spices in witchcraft  

Local plants 

Local history & folklore 

Pantheons & their deities 

Deity work

Spirit work

Astral projection 

Hope this helps 💕

[tarotfairy0919]

『 ↳✧･ﾟ HOW TO HELP A TAROT READER?

Hello, angels!♕˚ʚ♡ɞ˚👼🏻

I am writing this message to make people understand that we as tarot readers(especially those with blogs at the beginning of the road but not only) are nothing without the help of our followers. I see a lot of small blogs that are struggling to find the right followers for them because people don't know about them or don't know how to help them.

I understand that we live in an era where we try to communicate as short as possible or do anything on a hurry but I think that before work, problems, studies and other stuff we are humans and it is in our DNA to help(it doesn't matter if it's just a message, a thank you, tip).

I know that everyone is busy with their life and I really encourage you to be like this because that's the only way you will be able to succeed in life, but please, help us a little bit.

I think that 5 minutes from your precious time will make our life way more better or easier. As much as it sounds, actually, it means the world to us.

Of course, I'm not here to tell you how to do things. This is a suggestion for everyone who is receiving support from your tarot readers(free reading, paid readings, games, messages, questions, info about tarot cards/deck/interpretation).

＊•̩̩͙☆🦋☆•̩̩͙˚DO this to help your tarot reader:

🌸REBLOG their content - every reblog means the world to them. This is the most important step as it helps us spread news about our blog and we need to grow our community as much as we can - yes, we exist because of you guys!

🌸LIKE our work as much as you can but understand that you also need to REBLOG it at the same time in order to let others find about our content.

🌸BE POLITE - remember that we are doing our best to help and guide you

🌸BE PATIENT - I understand that everyone wants their answer as quickly as possible but remember that we are also humans, we work with energies and that sometimes after only one reading we are drained. So rest assure, you will get your answers!

🌸RESPECT THE RULES - We don't want those details in order to make it hard for you or to complicate things. I think any of my tarot reader colleagues is asking only a few important things. Please respect them because it's very difficult at some point to message everyone who didn't read them well(we lose a lot of time and you will get your reading later because your place will be taken by someone who has already respected the rules)

🌸UNDERSTAND THEIR BOUNDARIES - We aren't here to make you uncomfortable so please do the same for us. Every human being has their own limits, please respect that and don't make us feel uncomfortable.

🌸GIVE A CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK - We can take both good or bad feedback, as long as it's a little bit detailed(did it work, did it help you, did it resonated, did it give you an idea of what you should do next). We learn all our life, so it also help us grow when it comes to intuition and interpretations.

🌸MESSAGE us if you didn't understand something. We understand everything as long as you tell us from the beginning.

🌸RESPECT OUR PRIVACY - As long as we respect you and don't post personal details, photos or other stuff, please respect ours as well. Posting parts from our conversations with us is also a lack of privacy!

🌸If there is something that doesn't seem right(about info, your reading, or your reader) ABSORB ALL THE INFORMATION AND PROCESS IT THROUGH YOUR OWN PERSPECTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING, we believe in you and your vision!

🌸Check the PINNED POSTS on their profile before sending a message/request - usually, you have all the information you need over there, if not, feel free to send us a message.

＊•̩̩͙☆🦋☆•̩̩͙˚DON'T' do this in order to help your tarot reader.

🏵️DON'T GET ANGRY - Sometimes there can be some parts from our readings that don't resonate with you, take only what you feel that applies to your situation

🏵️DON'T REPOST our content on Tumblr or other platforms. It is our work, we had done a lot of research, reading, analysis for a long period of time and it is our decision to share it with others, so if you do that at least GIVE US CREDIT!

🏵️DON'T FORCE US TO DO READINGS THAT WE DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE TO DO!

🏵️DON'T EXPECT TO BE RESPECTED IF YOU DON'T RESPECT!

🏵️DON'T FORGET TO SPREAD LOVE AND SUPPORT WITH EVERYONE AROUND YOU!

Don't forget that every small world can mean the world to someone. Everyone who sees this message, PLEASE REBLOG AND LET'S HELP EACH OTHER!

Stay safe and wish you only the best!

Your tarot fairy🌸🧚🏻‍♂️✨🤍

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

MeMe and Control over One's Own Destiny

Alright I've been holding off on talking about Mikoto until Double releases, but I saw he was on a train and my brain went Silly. Don't you understand how crazy the symbolism is?! (<- Mentally unwell)

So now I have to talk about how MeMe handles the concept of destiny and the control the alters have on the system's future, because it's honestly so interesting to me.

CW Murder

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert on DID, feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong

The first big connection between MeMe and the idea of destiny is obviously the recurring theme of tarot cards. These are used for divination, meaning the practice of trying to learn about the future through supernatural means. In other words, they're deeply tied to the concept of destiny, of future events that will come to affect us, and the ways we may influence it. What's important to take away here is that, regardless of whether or not you believe in it, reading tarot cards is a way for people to try to understand their future so they can take try to take control of it.

Once you make this little connection, a lot of the imagery in MeMe starts to get interesting. To give you an example, one of the opening shots is of a bunch of tarot cards all scattered in water.

So, their future is scattered, it's uncertain, it's messy, etc. You get the idea, I don't think I need to elaborate on why Mikoto's life is a bit of a mess.

However, I think there are two scenes which are particularly interesting in this regard. When Aokoto (host) draws a blank card in the first chorus, and when he gathers the cards in the deck at the start of the third chorus.

So first, we can be sure this is Aokoto because the lyrics not only use 'boku', but also express confusion at the situation, which only really fits the host.

Why am I [boku] here? It must be a mistake? Take a good look at me [boku], until you find me The truth will come to reveal itself I won't forgive you if this is happening to me even though I'm right

Why am I [boku] here? It must be a mistake? Take a good look at me [boku], until you find me

(Note: If there is no clarification on which pronoun is used when I put lyrics here, it's because the Japanese doesn't actually use any pronouns)

What's happening here? As stated, the tarot cards are a representation of destiny and their future. By drawing a tarot card, Aokoto is trying to understand his situation and destiny better. And by stacking the deck up neatly, he's trying to take control of his destiny, of his future. The desire to be free and be able to control his life is a very important part of Aokoto's character:

(T1) Q14: What will you be doing in 10 years? M (Ao): I'd like to work independently and make my own design company. That way I'm free to do what I want.

(T1) Q8: What are your reasons for wanting to work for your current job? M (Ao): I work at an advertising company that's at the top of the business world, you know? Just being able to get to that position is something to be proud of. I worked really hard to get hired there, too.

Aokoto places high value on the work he's done, because that shows how committed he is to having control over his life and his job.

(T1) Q12: How do you get to work? M (Ao): I ride a road bike. It's a hobby of mine, and it's good to exercise too. I don't need to worry about missing the train, but that can either be a good or bad thing.

I've seen this answer interpreted a few different ways, but personally I believe what Aokoto's implying is that the freedom of not having to rely on the train is both good and bad. Essentially, he doesn't have to stress about missing it, but there's also no guarantee that he'll get to work in time without the reliability of the train. However, he still prefers the bike, because it gives him more freedom.

... Foreshadowing is a narrative device-

There's also the matter of the tarot spreads which appear in that "blank card" scene. There are two distinct ones:

Now, the whole mess is too complicated to get into here (and I actually am holding off from analysis until we get extra context from Double for that reason), but I believe one of these spreads belongs to Aokoto, and the other belongs to Midokoto (Secret Third gatekeeper alter). Which is which doesn't matter, because the card I want to focus on is the card in the "Hopes and Fears" position (EXTREMELY long story), which is I - The Magician (upright) in both of them. The Magician represents (among a fuckton of other things because tarot cards are frustratingly ambiguous by design) power, potential, basically the ability to achieve your goals. Thus, in the "Hopes and Fears" position, it would mean Aokoto wants to be able to control his life and fulfill his potential, and is afraid he might not be able to.

There is also the "Present" or "Self" card being the reversed XII - The Hanged Man. The Hanged Man upright represents (among other things) patience, the hope that as long as everything continues the same, things will turn out okay. Thus, reversed, it could be read as implying the querent is trying their best to change their situation, but are failing at it.

And this is where we get to the second part of the scenes I pointed out before. Because when Aokoto draws a card by itself, it's a blank card. In other words, no matter how much he wants to, Aokoto doesn't have full control of his future. I mean, obviously, right? He himself can't control his destiny when the other alters are also doing pretty impactful stuff. Depending on what theories you subscribe to, he may have ended up in Milgram without even murdering anyone, which is what I believe.

The same can be seen when he tries to put the deck back together. You might notice the deck there is actually thinner than the other time we see it.

He tries to "fix" or "arrange" his future, but he's "playing with half a deck", he's only half in control of his future. In this metaphor, the other alter(s) would have the rest of the deck, would control the rest of the system's destiny. Does that make sense?

Which gets us to the other alter who does tarot reading.

Notice the red mannequin there? The way 0 - The Fool's pouch of food is now a skull? And you can see this alter, heavily implied to be Orekoto, reads a Celtic cross spread with the Fool in the "querent" or "present" position.

Thus, The Fool represents Orekoto, and he too desires control over their future. That's why he's reading the spread, the same way Aokoto previously tried to draw a card to check his future. And I think it's pretty safe to say Orekoto must have killed or attacked at least one person, which is his way of trying to secure a better future for the system. Protector alter and all that.

[Timelines] Mikoto (Ao): Can you hear me talking like this? If you can hear me, then answer me. Why are you doing such horrible things? Hey. It's your fault things have become like this. ……Answer me!! Mikoto (Ore): Ah, ahhh!! Because, I did it for my/your (Boku's) sake…! Because I/you (Boku-ga) would break apart!!

(Translation by Maristelina)

Plus all the other reasons to believe that.

That spread is a bit odd for many reasons, but one thing we can pretty much be sure of is Orekoto's "Hopes and Fears" are represented by VII - The Chariot.

The Chariot (among other things) represents strength of will and control, basically think of it as a more forceful version of The Magician. Thus, Orekoto also hopes he can take control of their life, though he does it through force, and he fears he might be getting too forceful.

If I could laugh, if I could go back I'd play dead even though I'm alive right? If I could end, if I could stop How long would this dream go on?

Assuming it is Orekoto singing here (no pronouns so), it seems he doesn't want to kill, but sees himself cornered, like he has to kill. If he could stop, he'd "go back and play dead even while alive", he wouldn't kill anymore. But when he feels "boku will fall apart", he tries to save him through any means he can, which is likely murder. The exact reasons are as of yet unknown (someone stalking them, stress, could be a lot of things), but that's the idea.

However, you tarot enthusiast might notice a few interesting differences between this Chariot card and the actual Chariot card. This is important, because the meaning of these cards comes from the images, so when the image differs (apart from stylistic choices obvs), the meaning differs with it.

First important difference: the real Chariot has lions, MeMe's Chariot has bikes. This again relates bikes to the idea of freedom and one's own will.

Foreshadowing is-

Second; MeMe's Chariot has the protagonist swinging around a mace, which the real Chariot just has a wand. I frankly don't think this means anything other than MeMe's Chariot explicitly references murder rather than other, non-physical forms of strength and force.

Third, an important part of the real Chariot is that the man doesn't hold a leash on the lions, he controls them through force of will, apparently. Meanwhile, the mannequin in MeMe's version does hold chains to control the bikes, which again I believe simply implies a more forceful and direct version of the meaning. Orekoto doesn't trust his destiny to guide the system in the right direction as long as they're strong enough, he feels he needs to have more direct control.

And finally, the lions in the real Chariot are fine, but in MeMe's version, one of the bikes is fucking exploding.

So what the hell is up with that? Well, let's keep in mind what I said before. Aokoto also wants control of his life. So I believe in a way these bikes represent Aokoto and Orekoto's actions. One of them Orekoto has direct control over (he controls his own actions, after all), while the other is getting hurt by Orekoto's control. Orekoto may want nothing more than to protect the system, but the way he does it is harmful to Aokoto and destroys the control he wants to have over their life. I mean, it landed them in Milgram (according to some interpretations), and it's not like Aokoto likes the murder.

(T1) Q6: Tell us what you hate. M (Ao): Staying up all night working / reptiles / violence

[Double Preview] Hey now, I [ore] saved you right? So why in the hell are you crying?

(I will use the preview as evidence, watch me)

Temporary CW for abusive relationships and rape (Mono Poisoner)

This idea of "love" that hurts the other is also implied by Mono Poisoner, their Trial 1 cover. Though to be clear, Orekoto is not anywhere near as awful as the protagonist of Mono Poisoner, since he isn't intentionally hurting the rest of the system, and obviously isn't actually abusing the other alter(s).

“She belongs completely, entirely to me!” Kissing, sleeping together, everything beyond that too No one can hope to cut this connection between us

After brandishing that poisonous desire to monopolize and having erased YOU completely, It seems like it can be easily embraced, the entirety of that heart “YOU best not get carried away!”

Taking out the really violent and abusive elements out, this does vaguely fit the idea I'm trying to get across.

Temporary CW over

Anyways, the point is that Orekoto wants control over their life, but is accidentally harming Aokoto by taking away his agency.

There is more symbolism of this ‘drive to control destiny’ in the moon which consistently appears throughout MeMe.

As you can see, it’s in the first quarter phase. This is halfway between the New Moon which represents the beginning of a journey and the Full Moon which represents the end or rebirth, and because of that, it can represent a difficult time where decisions must be made, a point where strength of will is necessary. This again fits both of Aokoto and Orekoto, since they’re both making important decisions for their future. Hence also why the moon is half and half, the future is being decided half by Aokoto, half by Orekoto.

Alternatively, you could read it as only Orekoto making decisions, with the other 'half' being "left in the dark" because Aokoto doesn't know what Ore's doing. That would explain why the moon only shows up in relation to Orekoto in the internal world and the murder scenes.

Heavy speculation incoming (more than before anyways)

But hold on a second. I said before the upright Hanged Man, the card on Mikoto's shirt through most of MeMe, is about patience and not doing anything to change their situation. This is somewhat contradictory to The Fool, which is all about new opportunities and taking new risks (long story), and is obviously contradictory to the reversed Hanged Man because that's how tarot cards work. Because of that, and everything else I've been saying, it feels like the upright Hanged Man doesn't really fit either Aokoto or Orekoto.

Which is why it's so convenient we have a third (plot-relevant, there may be more) alter who does want their life to continue as is, isn't it?

The minus energy that I swallowed Hugged me [boku] Maybe it's okay to try to keep on living Split in half, Make that heart beat

This scene is very clearly connected to the aftermath of a murder, and shows an alter that has accepted the "negative (minus) energy" of violence. However, the use of 'boku' rules out Orekoto as the singer. Thus, we have ourselves our favorite Secret Third Alter, Midokoto. And Midokoto says, filling in the blanks, that ‘maybe it’s okay to keep living [like this]’, as long as they ‘split in half’ to ‘make that heart beat.’

Before we continue, I have to address that yes, I believe Midokoto is represented by the upright Hanged Man, even though he’s the only alter who’s never seen wearing the shirt. Either his back is turned, he’s shirtless, or straight up has a completely different shirt. However, I actually think this makes perfect sense.

It’s widely accepted that if Midokoto exists, he’s likely a gatekeeper alter who co-fronts most of the time, meaning he’s still aware of everything that’s happening even while he isn’t controlling the body (<- simplified version, read more if you’re interested [alter roles] [co-fronting]). Therefore, he’s a constant in Mikoto’s life, and it makes sense for him to always be present in some way as long as any alter is on screen. He’s on the shirt when the other two are there, so when the shirt isn’t there, it’s because the ‘upright Hanged Man’ is the one controlling the body. Does that make sense?

I should note, Mikoto’s version of The Hanged Man includes a bunch of eyes on the background.

Which fits the idea of Midokoto overseeing everything in the others’ lives, and for the inverse in Aokoto’s case could also be interpreted as societal pressure, long story.

Yes, Midokoto's celtic cross spread has the reversed Hanged Man in the middle of The Wheel, but let’s just say that means ‘present’ rather than ‘querent.’ Yes, there’s a Fool portrait in the background of that one scene, I swear there’s an explanation but it’s too long to get into here.

Point is, he’s the one who wants their life to continue as is, and thus the one who fits the idea of ‘patience’ that The Hanged Man (upright) embodies.

But make no mistake. He still has The Magician as his “Hopes and Fears” in the spread which represents him, meaning he does yearn for some control and fears not having the means to achieve it.

However, I believe the type of control he’s looking for is different from the other two. See, while Aokoto wants freedom and control over his life in a more conventional way (good job, free movement, independence), and Orekoto wants control in a ‘no one will stop “I/you” from achieving what “I/you” want’ kinda way (aka safety), Midokoto wants control over the system, not the rest of their life. He wants to keep Aokoto and Orekoto ‘split in half’ because that’s how they can both live as they please, it ‘makes their heart beat.’

That’s why the moon that represents decision-making is split in half. That’s why there’s only two bikes in The Chariot card. That’s why Midokoto never bothers to read a single tarot card. Because the ones deciding where their life moves are Aokoto and Orekoto, all Midokoto does is keep things running smoothly. Though of course, this is all just my interpretation.

In fact, you can even tell based on what we believe each alter to do. Aokoto does the day-to-day work, making sure he has the opportunity to achieve his dream of working independently in the future. Orekoto deals with threats until the system as a whole is safe, which includes throwing away evidence so they don't get arrested. He does a dogshit job at it, yeah, but he's trying.

However, once they get into the apartment, when the external threats have been dealt with, the one who bathes to make sure Aokoto doesn't learn of Orekoto's actions, the one who keeps their lives metaphorically 'split in half', is Midokoto.

Heavy speculation kinda over

So, where were we? I said this was inspired by the Double thumbnail, didn’t I? Well, yes, even if I have very little to say about it in relation to this post. You could say I kinda, uh, went off the rails a bit (<- I am immensely unfunny)

As I said, he’s on a train. And with all the stuff I mentioned before about how bikes are associated with freedom for him and stuff, it makes the imagery of being stuck on a train with the victims (I assume that’s what the mannequins represent, I’ve seen other interpretations) a lot more interesting.

Think about it. When you get on a train, you made the decision to enter it, but you don’t have control over where it goes. And that’s what’s happening here: the alter on screen is in for the ride, and he feels there’s nothing he can do to alter the course. It’s like a railroad.

Aokoto didn’t get on this train. Obviously the scene is metaphorical (otherwise who left their mannequins in the goddamn public train), but we know Aokoto doesn’t use the train. However, he’s on it now, alongside Orekoto who is probably the one fronting here? I assume, given the red light in the background. In my mind it would make sense for the thumbnails to be Aokoto T1 -> Orekoto T2 -> Midokoto T3, but that doesn’t have to be the case.

What I’m trying to convey is the symbolism of the system being stuck in a set path, a set destiny, caused by a decision not made by Aokoto. And if Orekoto is really the one fronting or being represented here, he’s miserable because of the path his actions have landed him on.

If I could break it, if I could change Can I do it, I wonder from when I started to give up

He’s ‘given up’ because he’s accepted he’s ‘on the train’, his path is already set and he can’t change it (“if I could change”). Yes, give me that Orekoto angst!

Anyways, please keep in mind this is all my interpretation of the symbolism and all of this is extremely subjective, especially with how confusing Mikoto's entire story is. I hope you forgive my brainrot at seeing a guy take a train. Take care!

[talenlee]

Game Pile: Princess Wing

Princess Wing is a Japanese indie TTRPG, by Hayato Suzumiya, in which players take on the role of Princesses at the prestigious Princess Training Academy, who defend earth from mechanical monsters called Void through their cool outfits that also double up as multi-purpose military machinery and short skirts. Drawing heavily on a particular kind of anime genre that I mostly know in the terms of ‘like Symphogear, right?’ it’s a card-based RPG where players use a predetermined micro-deck to make strategic moves and drive their narratives forward, and everything novel about it I can think of I pretty much describe in this opening paragraph.

Yeah, uh, I don’t know what I’m going to tell you about this one. Come with me on the journey to not really understanding a book that I’ve spent several days reading and the reasons why I think that is.

Just a note: I’m reading an unofficial translation of Princess Wing. I’m not fluent in Japanese, and any time I think a phrase is badly written or clunky or strange, I let it go. That’s not important to this and treating the game as if that’s vital is a great way to cut yourself out of a lot of really cool translated TTRPGs.

Straight up, the things in this game that stood out to me, from my initial notes:

I like the way it suggests players recruit other players to play NPCs in scenes. That’s a cool idea to make part of the recommended text.

I appreciate the idea of dealing players a hand they get to use over the course of a scene, meaning you can have good and bad moments that you get to pace out, without full control over the.

It includes a section on pronoun use in the game.

And then the followup notes…

Wait, the pronoun use splits everything into a hard dichotomy where players are all ‘she’ and the enemies are all ‘he’? Kinda simple binary there.

Hang on, what’s the resolution mechanic for this game? What do I do if something comes up that’s not in one of these specific tables?

Wait, character creation starts when?

At which point I realised I kinda had to give up on treating this book like I would one written in a more familiar language to me. I think it’s very it’s important to look at games outside of my genre interests and my readership space – I love Golden Sky Stories and had a lot of fun engaging with the hot mess that was Gensou Narratograph, after all. I am an anime fan, but something like Symphogear that this game is pretty explicitly referencing, has never been my interest. What’s more, this is a translation of a Japanese RPG — which means there’s a range of ways I think things should be done because they appeal to me and make clear sense to me, that are culturally signified. I won’t know what I don’t know if I don’t look.

Now, you may think, hang on, but you don’t know anything about Symphogear, so why should we care what you say about the Symphogear-inspired TTRPG? And if you need an expert’s opinion on whether or not it’s delivering on its ideas, then yeah, I suppose that’s a thing. I cannot tell you if this is a game that’s good at being Symphogear and crucially, anything I learn about this game will not be useful for interpreting Symphogear. After all, if I was to just look at this book I might assume that Symphogear is about some very specific, complex machinery that’s designed to work under specific rules and conditions, almost like a kind of murder mystery of a mechanical construction, a system of combat rules that remind me a great deal of Bleach in the way that it relies on hard-to-decipher but consistently-applied rules and mechanisms that don’t actually make the narrative they construct meaningfully engaging.

Y’know, Bleach and Symphogear, two very similar anime that I’m sure won’t annoy anyone with that comparison.

Here’s the thing: I think this game is explicitly and delicately tuned to its audience. I really do, and this is an assumption based on the idea that this game is trying to do a good job, by people who are confident in what they are doing. It has the presentation of a thoughtful, creative, well-made book, after all. How then do I grapple with this mechanically uncomfortable system, awkward problem-solving mechanism and system for narratives that need the whole thing mostly created ahead of time, across a language barrier, and not come across as being, at the very least, a little bit of a dick?

I do not know this audience. I do not know who this book was written for. It is a mystery to me and even obvious inferences – it was for people who read Japanese, probably in Japan, and probably used to other Japanese TTRPGs, of which I know exactly one – can’t be treated as representing a meaningful truth. I am peeking through a keyhole and what I am seeing makes no sense to me.

When I talk about games, I describe them as a machine that makes stories. TTRPGs, then, I tell people, are a machine that makes a machine that makes stories. It is a system that you then use to construct your game, and then you play that game to find out what happens. And twice now I’ve looked at Japanese TTRPGs that seem to instead take one step back from that freedom, away from that creativity.

I think that this game hooks you instantly if you like its pitch. Do you already have a Symphogear OC that kinda works in these five general overtones? Do you already have a character you think of as ‘An Amanda’? Well, here’s what you want, here’s the onramp, let’s go. For me? Someone who doesn’t know what it’s about and doesn’t have a reason to resonate with its looks and vibes? It has no time for me and I don’t find a reason to want to belong to a universe that is primarily about teenaged girls with multiple pages dedicated to showing you the components of their uniforms.

At the time of writing I am coming off watching another strange set of interactions about Dungeons & Dragons by people who do not like it remarking on the behaviour of those that do like it. This space is interesting because there are some valid criticisms in deep and thoughtful ways and some shockingly headassed takes that don’t make any sense to me. One criticism is that it’s really weird that the official D&D tiktok is boasting about the new Players Handbook being the largest one ever, as if to say that getting more book in your book means the game is better. To that end, I’d like to submit that Princess Wing is a game that wants to make sure before you start, you’ve already watched twenty plus episode of an anime ahead of time. By that marign, I think it’s fair to say that makes this one of the best games ever.

I don’t think this game has a bad approach, I just think the approach is one that misses me, and unlike other games I criticise for a bad approach, I think this is a good thing here. It doesn’t want me. It has no interest in me, and it does not care about informing me about its world.

You have to admire the purity.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[embraceyourdestiny]

Tbh, I get lauraryan, they’d be cute and I am intrigued by their angst potential, but it bothers me when people insist they are lovers because they found “The Lovers” card when that’s not what the card means. Tarot are symbolic, not literal.

“The Lovers” actually represents balance. Balance between the masculine and the feminine (Ryan and Laura are the respective ‘leaders’), balance within your relationships, being reflective of said relationships and your place in the world… there are many meanings to “The Lovers” and most all of them apply to Laura and Ryan’s character as individuals, not necessarily them as a pairing.

For relationships, Laura and Ryan are both trying to pursue a lead about someone they care about, Max and Chris respectively. To support this even more, they also find the “Emperor” card as well, which represents masculinity, stability, and paternity, aka Chris (and to a lesser extent Max, who is Laura’s rock and her entire reason for going on). Tying into being reflective, Ryan is having an upheaval of his emotions because he’s realizing the man he cared for, his father figure, is not who he said he was and he has to reevaluate the faith he has in him and honestly his entire emotional world inside himself.

As for Laura, though it’s not stressed as much because Ryan is the main focus, she’s also going through some heavy shit not only being a werewolf but also the fact that she killed someone and both those things obviously change your place and feelings in the world. Just like she says, if Laura let her conscious get in the way everything is a lot harder. When all this is over, Laura is going to have to wrestle with all the shit she did and determine what that makes her and if it was worth it in the end.

Additionally, like Eliza says, “there is harmony in disagreement, brought to light by the sparks of passion.”

This isn’t saying Laura and Ryan are enemies to lovers, it’s saying that spurred on by their goals, they have to work together in order to accomplish their mission, which is the only reason Ryan came with Laura in the first place, to dissuade Laura from harming Chris because he’s good. They have to balance their anger and each other’s emotions in order to successfully complete their mission, otherwise if they don’t get along it could get them killed. They gotta put their shit aside and be a team, even only temporarily, because one slip up and it’s game over. And who wants to die over being petty and stupid?

There’s nothing necessarily wrong with taking the card at face value, but I personally feel that does a disservice not only to the narrative but to the developers efforts as well because you’re essentially diminishing all the thought and hard work they put into where each Tarot goes and why. It’s also not very good analysis to only go with the surface interpretation when narratively this shit runs deep.

Like I said, Tarot aren’t literal, and it’s far more enriching to really dig in deep and think of all possible meanings. It’s easy to make a quick judgement, but it’s far more rewarding when you piece it all together and realize, if even for a moment, Laura and Ryan are tied together by fate and they have to work together if they want to make it out alive, and “The Lovers” represents that perfectly.

Plus they literally exchange blood, so, how much more “in harmony” can you get 😝

[gatalentan]

who’s more whipped: melissa or barbara

ok so purely speaking from my own interpretation (and i WELCOME discussion, please!) is that while I do think they are both whipped in their own ways, my immediate instinct is to say obviously melissa is the most whipped, purely because we've seen it in action on screen, in the text, undeniable where she gets scolded and immediately folds, like the little yappy dog she is, multiple times:

if we're talking fanon over canon my answer is probably still her, because she's absolutely like, VISIBLY, on-screen besotted and delighted by basically everything barbara does...

...and that if shes still like this after 20-whatever years of friendship it means that it probably follows them into the relationship, right? i think at the slightest wink, this woman folds like a wet paper towel. turns to actual melted butter. fuckin' marshmallow. like, fully ruined. blushing and twirling her hair and squirming and shit. barb smiles and she's like well that's it for me, i'm done, i'm cooked, bye! invade france? sure, let me grab my bag. worships the ground she walks on. thinks she's literally perfect. can look past just about every conceivable flaw because she's so happy just to be near her.

but... and here's me drilling down probably further than you intended but its me so i can't help myself...

in a more canon-adjacent reading of there being more to their deal than what we see, my interpretation is that she's so whipped in-text due to being extremely hyperaware of the fact that if she pursued her attraction to barbara it would put barb into an unteneble situation because of gerald, and thus, like, doing whatever she has to do to not have barbara push her away because she knows the risk. barbara has the most to lose, sure, but that means she also holds the most cards.

melissa has some turbo insecurity/self esteem issues that she masks really hard with humour (👈this part isn't fanon, this is how LAW interprets/plays her, see: this podcast in the part where she's discussing Readathon). because of this I can't imagine her any other way than like constantly trying not to overstep that line, and doing whatever she has to do to stay in barbara's good graces and not lose her in her life because she's like, the One Good Thing she has. whipped as a defence mechanism. it's easy to replace someone when you're already married to the replacement, you know? so she has to make herself seem irreplaceable to barbara.

i think the fact that the only other person she felt she could talk to about starting the relationship with gary was fuckin' joe I think speaks to the fact she most likely has very, very few people in her circle - we hear about her family members but their dynamic seems pretty dysfunctional and arms-length, so the fact barbara has kept her in her life so long to her is like, world-altering shit. I think even in an AU where they got together... the fear of her leaving would always be in the back of her mind because of Joe. So she would basically move heaven and earth for her and whatever she says goes because she feels so lucky to have her, at least for right now, as long as she'll let her. She'll do whatever it takes. "I ain't killin' for any of you. Except Barbara."

Do I also think Barbara is whipped though? Yes. I think that's most evident in the way she's starting to take on more of Melissa's unsavoury characteristics to both make sure they can stay working together but also stay in her good graces (see: Delisha Sloss, see: being the one to suggest scamming the parents into coming to AVA Fest) even though it feels deeply unnatural.

You also see it in how, when her insecurities bubble up, she immediately is comforted by Melissa's words and takes them to heart instead of dismissing them (see: like fine wine, see: aging with dignity) and the tension she's held ALL DAY visibly unwinds near instantly.

If I look at her from a fanon context, this woman would literally be risking SO MUCH because of her attraction/love for this woman, her husband, her children, her church, literally upending her entire life, everything she's ever known, to risk being with Melissa. Just keeping her around is a huge risk because of the temptation, but she DOES keep her around. It's so fun to imagine the beginning stages of their friendship when they were much younger because of all this too, because they're so different, they have so many vastly different morals, (melissa has a rap sheet ffs!!) that it's like, even getting to KNOW her was a risk to barbara's moral character and image... but she did it anyway, over and over again, for twenty-whatever years, because she just finds Melissa that fucking delightful and charming and wonderful that she can't help herself. She's trained herself to look the other way as much as she can because the other parts of her are so worth it to her. She makes her laugh every day and she smiles when she sees her come in the room and she can't go one fucking lunch period without her sharing her table without having a Menty B. That's some fucking whippage.

[delyth88]

Loki episode 5 reaction and initial thoughts

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can’t believe it! I’m so unused to getting what I hope for with Loki in movies and TV that I almost don’t know what to do when you get almost exactly what you’d hoped for!!!!!   (Within the bounds of this being the TVA version of Loki of course.) That was excellent!  And hit most of the key things I was hoping for as well as giving some absolutely charming additions!

It packed in a lot of story, and it was a delight to see the characters on the timeline. It wasn’t as gripping and tense as the last episode, but that's probably a good thing for my stress levels lol! But it was a really lovely time travel story.

And Loki has unlocked a new ability. Maybe.

The opening music!! Perfectly creepy!  And even more so than the music over the credits of the last episode. It really sounded like the disintegration of reality!

And I loved the way the letters disappeared from the Loki title card… *shivers*

It was a small thing, but nice to see at least one thing I’d guessed correct – that they started the episode with the reverse of this shot at the end of episode 4.

I loved how spooky it was having Loki walk through the corridors of the TVA by himself. And I did rather enjoy the moment he almost met himself.  That was cute. But it was clear that they needed to get on to other things quite quickly – there was a lot in this episode!!

The imagery of the universe disintegrating was perfectly terrifying! (Although I was getting big “snap” vibes.)  And what is Fail Safe Mode? And does it matter?

I was a little sad to see Casey was a prisoner. 😔   But I wonder if we’ll see these timeline versions of the characters again?  I feel like the need for them is over? Unless maybe briefly at the start of the last episode. So we didn't have to watch him being particularly horrible.

I didn’t pick that he’d be the first person Loki would visit, nor did I pick that it would all be unintentional. 

I did like the way Loki still hoped that Mobius would recognise him. And the conversation itself was ambiguous enough I suppose for the first couple of sentences that you could interpret it that way. Poor Loki looked so disappointed!

I laughed as was intended at the imitation of the inflatable advertising character.  😁

And then OB!!!  Omg!  I LOVE what they chose to do with his character!!!  He was so sweet, and retained his enthusiastic and super intelligent personality! I hadn’t really settled on what I thought OB might have been like on the timeline, but this was so much better! And how he was like “and I had to get a PHD to keep my day job as a theoretical physicist”….!  😄

And @pinkpondofasgard I hope you’ve seen this episode when you see this mention, because spoilers - looks like you were right about this being a location from OB’s past!  Which I think is super cool!  I don’t have any idea what this would be in the 1990s in the US, but obviously it worked so well for OB that he replicated it in the TVA!  Unless this whole series all turns out to be his dream… Ha ha! Ha…. ha…… er…  Anyway. I love that so many of the shelves are covered in books instead of technical TVA equipment.

Okay, so now I’m seriously thinking there’s a chance OB might actually be the founder of the TVA.  HWR could easily have come along later and taken over the leadership and wiped his memories.  But the fact the rooms are sooooo similar is just a bit too weird.

I did like how they handled Loki explaining things to Mobius.  Mobius was suitably sceptical and Loki was trying so hard not to sound threatening, but that’s not really his bag, is it. Lol! Things would definitely have gone pear shaped if OB hadn’t turned up.

I feel like Loki’s getting a lot of use out of the phrase “I promise you this will make sense” lol!

While I was kinda looking forward to the multiple crazy conversations while Loki tries to convince people he’s not mad, I do appreciate they had to make this quick, and I liked how they made each interaction shorter than the one before it, until he didn’t even need to say anything after stepping through the time door.

Then there was Sylvie.  I was by this point just as surprised as Loki that she kept her memories.  Now I have to assume that’s because she wasn’t ever a TVA worker who had her memories wiped.  But if that’s the case, then why wasn’t she in the Loom room with Loki when he ‘woke up’?  I’m assuming we’re meant to understand that this is because Loki feels most at home in the TVA, rather than Asgard. I find that's a little bit much, personally.  But I guess I’ll put that one to the side for the moment.

I did not expect her to be so adamant about not helping.  I mean I should have, but I didn’t. Their conversation at the bar was interesting, and I liked that Loki was so concerned that the TVA folk get a choice.  (And I kinda think now that they might, come the end of the season.  With OB choosing to stay because it’s literally his dream, Casey because it’s better than being an escaped prisoner, and B-15 and Mobius choosing to leave.)

The whole scene in the record shop – that was cool!  The small things that went wrong first, and the way the store owner slowly noticed it. *shivers*

Although again, very similar to the snap. I like how small objects vanish first, and I really should have seen that coming when the tempad went missing, but I didn’t.  I think there was just so much squashed into this episode!

And this was such a haunting image.

And then Sylvie says “there’s nowhere left to go” before she too disintegrates.  Eeeee!

Again, this looked really cool!  Are we meant to understand that Loki could hear a moment in the timeline of a person each time he touched a thread?  I wonder if that holds for any thread? Or was that just illustrating his memories?

I’m not sure that’s important though, given he almost immediately jumps back to the TVA, but we haven’t seen this image from the mid-season trailer yet. Not one from this angle where Sylvie is still whole, and where Loki is standing confidently and making this specific gesture.  I wonder now if he’s just snapped his fingers? Perhaps this moment is revisited, or perhaps just an alternate take that looked cool for the trailer.

I did like the ending, and how he jumped back to them all to tell them he’d figured out how to do it.  I wonder if he’ll be able to come back to them under his own steam at a later date? 

I’m still not entirely sure if this is something that in integral to Loki now or whether its related to circumstances. Like will it be possible to time-slip after the TVA is restored? If that means going back within the TVA before the moment he started time-slipping in the first place. *shrug*

So, what point did he jump back to?  There’s an alarm blaring in the background, but no other identifying things.  So I’m guessing this is just as they watch Timely go down the stairs to suit up?

Does he try to stop Timely from going out there? Explain it didn’t work, and then ask OB for information in the last few moment before jumping back further?

And more importantly, after the multiverse is saved, does this mean he can jump to the time and place of any person he cares about?  Could he visit his Mum? Or a Thor?!! 🥲

Ah!  This was a really great time travel episode! And I'm thoroughly looking forward to the final episode.

Tagging @sparklegemstone @pinkpondofasgard @woodelf68 @scintillatingshortgirl19 @projectprotectloki @ladyofthestayingpower @juliabohemian @galaxythreads @makerofrunevests @thelightofthingshopedfor

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