#when you start questioning where the year went

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #3: ROT FOR CLOUT

(also on bandcamp and spotify!)

WHAT'S going on guys, welcome back to another Constant Companions Closeup, the show where we take a DEEP DIVE into what makes these tunes tick! Last episode, we went aaaaaall the way there on Not Quite There, and today, we're making that liggity-line go up up up up up with ROT FOR CLOUT featuring VISUALEYES!! Before we get started, remember to SMASH that like button, SLAM subscribe, and FUCK the bell icon. This week's community challenge: leave your credit card info in the comments! Bet you won't!

(*cough*)

---

I check my notifications way too fucking much. It's a habit I'm trying to curb, and to my credit, I am doing better lately, but being chemically predisposed to dopamine deficiencies has done a number on my ability to go five minutes without checking the funny glowing numbers on my phone. Naturally, I also very much seek more validation than I should from the opinions of strangers yadayadayada yeah that's what the song is about but none of that actually has to do with why I started writing this song in the first place.

Have you ever taken a flight with American Airlines?

This was after waking up at 4 in the morning to fly out of Houston thinking I'd be napping on a couch in Ohio by 2 pm at the latest.

I want to make one thing clear here, and that's that I made this bed for myself. Tucked the sheets in and all. You see, on the rare occasions I fly, I normally take Southwest. Southwest does not overbook flights like a lot of other airlines do, so it's a practice I am mostly unfamiliar with. So, when I received a notification on my phone promising genuinely ridiculous amounts of flight credit money in exchange for taking a slightly later flight, I thought - well, shit! That sounds nice!

This is how they trick you. I didn't really realize I'd been tricked until I was on my second flight of the day, sitting in a middle seat at the very back of the plane, heading from Dallas, a city I don't live in, to Washington, DC, a city I was not trying to get to, staring down the barrel of another flight I was destined to get on that had been delayed like two fucking hours.

I became the Joker. All I could do to remain sane was write a song about it. This is how ROT FOR CLOUT came to be.

I guess the moral of the story is this: Don't go to Ohio. And to answer your question,

Yes I am

Not really

No

---

This is a complete sidenote but I want to mention it here: I'm genuinely overjoyed at the amount of people excitedly talking about my songwriting or the intention behind my lyrics. For a long time, it really felt like lyricism was the last thing people cared about from me, while it was always the thing I wanted to take pride in the most... So genuinely, thank you everyone for caring!! Every single fire emoji people have put next to a line I've written has extended my lifespan by multiple years

There's a brief little moment where the song's chords leave the key, doing a really stereotypically jazzy 2-5 movement, and it's one of my favorite parts of the entire song. I'm not really a music theory buff or anything, and I'm certainly not formally trained, but I've always been very passionate about more complicated harmony in otherwise poppy and accessible contexts - bo en's album pale machine really rewrote my brain when I first heard it.

On that note, there are microtones in the vocal melody - During the chorus, some of the rapidly repeated words move up in quarter tones! Possibly the simplest way I could've included microtonality, but I'm genuinely afraid if I learn more than what I already know about it I'll be lost to the darkness.

Obviously, the work of Sasuke Haraguchi was a massive influence on this song, particularly the song Igaku. I think basically everyone on the entire planet has picked up on that at this point, but I do also wanna point out some other songs that were on my mind at the time! (two for three on these posts mentioning louis cole now)

I'd also like to take a moment to spotlight the vocal samples on this! They previously appeared on エビチャーハン!, and they've honestly become some of my favorite samples to throw in things. They're also just a fucking goldmine sincerely

Finally, HUGE thanks to Visualeyes for the delightful synth solo on this!! I had put out a call on Twitter looking for instrumentalists, genuinely originally envisioning a super jazzy piano solo, but their synth playing genuinely brought the whole song together perfectly!

That's about it for this song - though again, if there are any more questions people have, I'd be happy to answer them in the replies to this post or elsewhere!! (*ahem*) THAT'S gonna do it for today's video, folks! Feel free to leave a like, comment, hit the subscribe button for more and click the bell so you don't miss any new videos. Tomorrow? I Wish That I Could Fall. it hurts.

[crazy-ache]

WIP Snippet - Elucien Body Swap

Thank you @olenvasynyt for making this graphic for me! ₊₊₊₊ Lucien’s mechanical eye whirred more frantically and erratically at the emerald jeweled necklace than he could ever recall in his long, immortal lifespan. It was thrumming and covered in a spiderweb of spells, though through his russet eye, he could see it sit plainly as any other piece of jewelry would in Elain’s small hand. 

“Who could throw such a thing away?” 

He wasn’t used to her asking questions of him. He wasn’t used to the pleasantry of conversations with his mate. Yet it wasn’t nerves churning in his stomach. 

“Lady, you really shouldn’t touch that,” Lucien cleared his throat, nervously stepping toward her. “I have a bad feeling about—“

He watched as Elain looked into the hallway mirror and held the strange necklace up in the air as if to place it upon her perfect neck. 

“No!” He couldn’t restrain himself. It reeked of curses and ancient spells. To hell with manners and their long-standing history of stilted, distant propriety.

Instinct had him lurch forward, reaching for her shoulder to prevent her from putting it on. 

When his hand found her skin, the last thing he saw was her reflection in the mirror—wide, surprised brown eyes staring right at him and her gaping mouth parted as if to shout his name. 

He never did hear her shout it. 

The buzz of unfamiliar, tingling magic encapsulated them both, starting from the necklace itself, then traveled up her delicate arm to the place his fingertips joined her shoulder. A gold dusting spread all along their bodies. As it happened, it seemed to grip them both in place from where they stood and breathed—not a single hair on their heads even moved. A single heartbeat later and the magic released them. 

Lucien went tumbling back, careening into a coatrack. From the loud crash he heard, the force must have also sent Elain falling backward. The necklace clattered on the spot where they had just stood, its magic no longer emanating, leaving it seemingly ordinary and lifeless. 

“What just happened?” 

Lucien heard his shaky voice ask. 

Only he had not spoken. He had not even opened his mouth. 

Pushing himself up on his elbows, he snapped his head up. Wide, mismatched orbs met his gaze from across the floor. His eyes met him. That was his molten red hair spilling on the floor as his body pushed itself up to a sitting position. Panic surged through him, extinguishing his inner fire like a bucket of ice cold water. Lucien nearly broke his neck to look down at himself because what the actual fuck—

Those were definitely Elain’s breasts where his chest was supposed to be located. He wasn’t proud to admit he did in fact know what they looked like even if they barely made eye contact in the past few years. Her long locks of curled hair came into his view and her thin hands trembled as he tried to breathe. 

He clumsily jumped to his feet, not used to the lightness of her petite frame. Elain followed and they both peered into the hanging mirror at the same time. His mate’s face was staring back at him. He touched her smooth face with the hesitant pad of his fingertips. Next to him, Elain did the same, her now large, broad hands slapping his cheeks, like this was just a bad dream and she simply needed to wake up.

He was inside Elain’s body. 

And not in a good way. 

Which meant Elain was inside him—

He cringed as the loudest, most blood-curdling scream pierced the hallway. Lucien had never heard himself sound so terrified before, and he certainly hadn’t known his voice could reach such a high octave in range. Which meant Elain had figured it out as well.

Elain held his hair in her hands as if it were the most offensive creature to ever touch her. His own heart was thundering in his chest. Well, technically it was Elain’s chest. It felt as if he couldn’t find the air because these lungs did not belong to him. The unsettling realization made the room spin. 

Oh, Cauldron boil him.

They had switched bodies. 

[jsbluu]

left on seen | chapter 15: two to one (to two)

➨ chapter 14: she said yes! | left on seen masterlist | next

➨ chapter 15! it’s getting cray.. so many things happening.. what’s going on.. also progress guys..

TAGLIST: @ldh0000 @bococostree @sunghoonsgfreal @dinonuguaegi @ddolbyong @4chensungs @vixensss @jirsungs @luffysprincess @nosungluv @akunoeyebrows @sinsgaybutthatsokay @joyzluvr @n0hyuck @mrsbyun-baek @queenrachelpink @botchedbrat @livingdoll-hara @minkyuncutie @gomdoleemyson @17ericas

you sat across from leehan in a restaurant that was way too fancy for your own comfort, but he was way too nice to pass up the offer. you nervously play with the hem of your top, any much longer and you would’ve ripped the lace. you could tell you weren’t the only nervous one, as leehan fidgeted with the menu, seemingly pretending to read it for the 100th time.

he cleared his throat in an attempt to break the silence between you two. “so, have you ever been here before?” he asked, almost immediately regretting the cliche question.

you shake your head, “no, this is my first time actually. i’ve never even heard of this place before.” you smile, “have you?”

“only twice, i actually came with mark a few months ago after he played a show.” he replies.

you tilt your head in confusion, “that show we went to a few weeks ago wasn’t his first?”

he shakes his head and takes a sip of his water before replying. “no, he’s been doing this since freshmen year actually. he wasn’t really getting anywhere and wanted to quit but jisung was the one who changed his mind, and look at him now.”

you can’t help but smile to yourself when you learn how sweet jisung really is. even though he was so quiet and shy, his friends clearly meant everything to him and you admired that more than you could admit.

just as you two started to ease into a comfortable conversation, the server approached with your food in hand. “here you are!” she said as the placed the plates of food in front of you two.

“let me know if you need anyth-“ before she could finish, her hand hit leehan’s cup of water causing it to spill all over his shirt and pants. your eyes widen and your hands cover your mouth as the server profusely apologizes.

“i’m so sorry!!” she exclaimed, horrified as she hands leehan paper towels from her pockets.

he stands up and laughs a bit before looking at you defeated, his hands on his hips as he looks down at his soaked outfit. “are you okay?” you ask concerned.

he sighs, trying to maintain his composure and hold his embarrassment in the best he could and pretend like the entire restaurant wasn’t staring at you two. “i’m okay, just a little.. wet” he says with a small smile. “i think i need to go change, i only live 5 minutes away. do you mind?”

you shake your head, “of course not! go change, i’ll be here” you reassure, feeling a mixture of sympathy and awkwardness.

he gives you an apologetic nod and he quickly leaves the restaurant and jogs his way towards his dorm. you sit back awkwardly against the booth as you wait for him to return.

you sigh and put your phone down on the table, staring at the 2 full plates of food in front of you. the tension and anxiety only increasing by the moment, now it really looks like you got stood up. you debated asking gaon to come to the restaurant to eat, but you knew he was busy and by the time he would get there, it would already be too late.

“y/n?” a voice calls from the left of you. you look up and see jisung standing beside you, his hands in his pockets concealing them from the cold weather outside.

“jisung? how did you..” you ask, genuinely concerned.

“i didn’t know you were here i swear! i came to eat alone, and i saw you sitting with.. wait where’s leehan?” he says as he points to the empty seat in front of you.

you sigh before turning back to jisung, awkwardly shifting in your seat. “our server accidentally spilled some water on him, so he said he’d was gonna go back to the dorms to change real quick. but then he said he said he got on the wrong train so now i’m.. here alone”

“again?” he asks, holding back a laugh through puffed cheeks.

you look at him confused, what did he mean by that?. had this happened before? or was this just an excuse to leave you alone in the restaurant. it’s not like you cared that much, this was a friendly date after all. at least that’s what you were hoping he would think.

“what do you mean ‘again?’”

he lets out a small awkward laugh when he realizes it wasn’t as funny to you as he thought it was. he knows you’re a shy person as well, so being in this situation was definitely not fun for you.

“he’s gotten on the wrong train i don’t know how many times before.. it gives me second hand embarrassment honestly” he jokes, trying to ease the tension that he created.

your shoulders relax again as jisung’s explains what he meant, leehan was truely just that clumsy.

an awkward silence fills the space between you two, jisung’s hands tucked back into his pockets as he shifts his weight back and forth between his feet.

“are you gonna stay here alone..?” he asks breaking the silence, his brow furrowed and voice raised with concern.

you shrug, fidgeting with your napkin and moving your gaze from him to the table. “i guess so” you reply, your voice barely above a whisper.

jisung’s eyes linger on you before taking a deep breath, hesitantly speaking. “i could keep you company..”

you pause, looking up at him unsure as you bite your bottom lip. it wouldn’t be wrong, right? i mean leehan did leave you here alone, and it’s not like you were interested in him romantically. besides, it’s not even a date, he’s just sitting with you, that’s all.

“i- are you sure? you really don’t have to.” you reply quietly, shaking your head.

his face falls but he quickly recovers before replying. “i’d feel bad making you sit here alone.” he reassures.

you give him a small smile before nodding, “okay.”

he gives you a small smile before sitting in leehan’s spot, luckily the food was still warm somehow. it took a while but you two eventually got over the awkward tension and were able to have an actual conversation, much different than the ones you’ve had before. this time you didn’t have anybody interrupting you or getting in the way.

the restaurant eventually started to empty out, and only then had you realized how late it had gotten. you glanced down at your phone and read the time, 9:56. jisung noticed the time as well and laughed quietly “it’s already gonna be 10, i didn’t realize we lost track of time”

you nodded, feeling reluctant for the night to end. “yeah, i guess we did.”

you hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and speaking. “thank you for keeping me company, i’m definitely not going to go on another date with him again.” you giggle.

he laughs back and shakes his head, silently grateful that whatever was going on between you and leehan was pretty much over. “don’t worry, i didn’t mind.”

he looked down at the table before looking up at you with an unreadable expression.

“can i have your number?”

© jsbluu | please do not copy, reupload, or translate my work.

[jieas]

I NEED THREE PICTURES OF YOU!—

what happens when hiragi toma takes you with him to patrol town or the furin boys top three favorite moments between you and your boyfriend

content. fluffy fluff, very ooc hiragi, no real dialogue wc: <950

a/n. old draft, not recently proofread

it was no secret to anyone that hiragi toma had a lover. maybe the reason his relationship was so obvious was because his eyes always landed on you when you were in the same room. or because his social media was only filled with pictures of you, or the two of you together. maybe it was because of his lock screen, that displayed a picture of you. perhaps it was the matching necklaces you had, each other's names engraved on the thin metal tab. but there was one sign in specific that made it obvious he was dating someone.

hiragi always brought a special guest with him when he went on patrol.

it started a while ago when you realized that maybe your boyfriend was going through packs of stomach medication a little too quickly. he was obviously under quite a bit of stress, for whatever reason. so, instead of buying his tenth pack of gas-kun 10s in the last three days, you questioned him about it. and to absolutely no one's surprise, he was just incredibly worried about you. mainly because you would forget to check your phone when he was out and the poor guy had no idea what was going on with you.

so, you made a proposal he couldn't refuse, go with him when he's on patrol. It was a win-win situation. he wouldn't have to worry about where you were or wonder if you managed to burn your kitchen, and you got an excuse to spend time with your boyfriend.

the only downside? the teasing hiragi received from his underclassmen. but in the defense of the first years, he was practically asking to be teased. especially with the way he always had his arm around your shoulder and would often take glances down at you. 

at first, they just snickered at the displays of affection between you two with playful smiles on their faces. soon enough, they began commenting on how 'young love is so cute' and that they 'can't believe hiragi is secretly so soft' which made him shout at lecture all of them for not paying enough attention to the civilians of makochi.

the comments eventually stopped but something else started, a group chat. though, it was more like a fan club of your relationship. the chat, which included the other kings of bofurin and nearly the whole tamon team, was an exchange of pictures focused on hiragi and you during patrol. there were photos where his arm was around your shoulders, your head resting on his, and a few where he's taking off his jacket to give to you when you're cold. but there were three things he did that the tamon team loved getting pictures of.

one of the three happened when hiragi thought nobody was looking. he might try to distract his underclassmen or simply wait until some townsfolk needed help before his head was leaning towards your own. his breath tickled the shell of your ear, whispered compliments and honeyed words slipping past his lips. or he was simply talking about how 'gullible' the rest of the tamon team was for falling for his lie when he was the gullible one.

the young furin students second favorite moment to witness between you two usually occurred right after the third. once hiragi was done with his hushed comments, his head would then dip the slightest bit, lips brushing against your cheek. he would plant a small kiss to the side of your face, the tip of his nose pressing against your cheekbone and making you giggle from the ticklish feeling.

out of the corner of his eye, hiragi could see sakuras cheeks turning a bright red at the display in front of him as kaji looked away while kiryu and kusumi took pictures on their phones. of course, he scowled at them as he moved his head, sending a warning glare to the few that were gushing over you two like a group of elder women would.  

but their absolute favorite moment between you and your beloved boyfriend? probably the one that occurred the least often. the moment when hiragi acted like a true gentleman, proving that, no, chivalry is in fact not dead. 

at some random point in the patrol, hiragi would make an abrupt pause. the others wouldn't notice at first, walking a couple of steps before realizing their upperclassman was now behind them. even you were confused when he grabbed your upper arm and made you stop. you were set in place, eyeing hiragi with a raised eyebrow. he didn't say anything, simply grumbling about how 'you need to pay more attention' as he crouched in front of you. and that's when the phones came out, capturing the scene of him tying your shoe for you.

the little fan club of your relationship springing to life, eager to chaff hiragi about this moment later on. but even if they did flaunt the pictures and videos in his face, an attempt at badgering the older boy, he'd just scoff and say this was why none of them had a partner. 

and though hiragi always acted bothered by the constant fanboying of the bofurin members, he did secretly enjoy it. only because tsubaki would send him the pictures from the day, and hiragi got to enjoy the sight of your smiling face from his displays of affection. 

sure, he may have disliked the teasing from his underclassmen but he did love the pictures he got of you as a result. at least he felt that the comments about his actions were worth it in the end.

[undercoverslutt]

advice: bestiesolderbrother! simon <- masterlist simon "ghost" riley x reader

during the summer before sophomore year.

let's take a blast to the past, okay?

"So, when are you going back to college?" His voice flings from across the room, and it's like his timber is clawing up your back, you feel it at your neck. Simon's voice did so much to you, it was so different than all the other guys at your campus. So deep, provocative and protecting. He was only a few years older than you, and his sister. He didn't go to college like you two, but he was extremely smart. He came back from bootcamp earlier in the summer, and was staying at his parents house until he could find his own place.

Simon was the "problem child", always getting into trouble, never really knowing what was next with him. But he was so smart, street smart. You never felt more safe with a man's presence in your entire life. Your dad was never around, and your mom never really cared where you went off to. So you were always here, with your best friend and her older brother, and their parents. You did like being in their company, this was your second home, if need be. And sometimes you did need it. No, you didn't really need to be here for the comfort aspect, but when your mom locked you out of the house one too many times, you couldn't help but need to come to take a few showers and get some spare clothes from your best friend during the summer. Her parents were very understanding. Even if they didn't talk about it much, it was almost unspoken.

"I go back in like," You close your eyes as you tally up the days, feeling a bit overwhelmed at having to talk to this guy, "I'd say a month and a half."

This was going to be your sophomore year in college. Were you ready for school again? No. Did you want some new atmosphere? Yes. Were you missing your own dorm? Yes. You didn't have a roommate, thank the heavens.

It was really quiet in this part of town. And your best friend's got a new boyfriend so she's rarely ever home anymore, let alone when you guys go off to college. You barely see her at all. It's like you're living in her house, without her. But she said she would be back later tonight so you guys could go out to eat, maybe? That's if her man doesn't string along

But Simon was here a-lot of the time. And he was nice to you. Very respectful. Trying to make you feel as normal as possible. He tended to ask you many questions when you guys were alone, and you thought it was sweet. He just wanted you to be able to talk to someone. About anything.

"Excited?" He continues.

"Yeah, I am." You let out a laugh, you know your non-enthusiastic character was completely juxtaposing everything you were saying. "It's just school though, you know?"

Simon nods, and starts picking up a jacket, almost like he was following your movements. "You got a boyfriend that I need to know about?"

A boyfriend?

"No?" You say shortly. You weren't in the mood for guys, I guess. You begin pulling your shoes from the cubby, you always put them in the third box to the right. It was yours at this point. "Not at the moment, Si. Why are you asking?"

You begin to tie your shoes, bending down so you don't have to look at him at all. You don't know if you feel embarrassed, awkward, or just weirdly protected by his questions. He's quiet for awhile. "If you're anything like my sister, I want to give you some advice."

Advice. Please.

"Don't be like her, okay?" He starts off, and you fucking laugh. You fucking laugh, and he stops in his tracks. "What? I'm being serious."

"I am too. You don't have to worry about my decision-making. If that's what you're saying." You look up at him finally. So he's just trying to be that type of person right now. One thing you hated, was someone trying to give you "advice" on shit you didn't need help with. You were fine on your own and always had been. You didn't need anything. You didn't need a parent.

"No, no, not at all." He repeated, finally situating a jacket on his bulky body. "I'm just saying."

"What?" You want him to continue, but you don't know if he will.

"Just be careful." He stops, zips up his jacket and grabs his phone. You grab your keys and the bag you had brought. The next words he says are heavy to you, and slow, like he's trying to make you understand what he was trying to say. "You've grown up."

That heat crawls back, down to your palms and up your neck. He was acknowledging you. "I know, Simon."

You wanted to say something more about this, but the only thing happening was a weird, tight-lipped smile on your face. "I'll catch you later, ghost."

[thytaenic]

⊹˚︵‿₊˚ʚɞ˚₊‿︵˚⊹ ʚɞ ～ ❝ 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 ❞ ╰‧₊˚ haikyuu : akaashi keiji x f!reader

╰‧₊˚ not proofread ! disregard my grammar error

"i think we should break up."

"keiji, w-wait.."

"WAIT!" your body jolted up, an arm stretched out as if you're trying to grab onto nothing. you were awakened from the dream you just had, sweating and breathing heavily. your eyes started to scan the room you're currently in, still breathing heavily. you noticed the room layout; it is indeed your room. a heavy sigh escaped your mouth as you replayed the dream over and over again like a video tape of a bad memory, constantly on loop and hunting you. it's not the first time you've dreamed of the same situation and it seemed to be engraved into your mind ever since the day it happened.

right when you were about to pull the comforter over your body, you heard a soft knock on the door of the room. fear started to engulf you as you recalled, you've been living alone for almost a year so who could that be? and at 2 am that is. suddenly, the door knob was turned and the door was pushed, revealing a silhouette of a familiar figure.

"i went to grab a glass of water, did i wake you up?"

you weren't sure how to react to the sudden reveal. it was none other than your friend, Akaashi Keiji. but he looked different, way more matured to be exact. questions filled your mind, what is he doing here? how did he get here? what is happening?

"k-keiji .." you muttered, eyes nailed to the male with a glass of water in his hand. "w-what are you doing here?"

he looked at you weirdly, but then a smile appeared on his face that you've missed so much. for years you've been waiting for his return after he left to further his studies. he walked closer to you, closing the gap between the two of you as he sat next to you on the bed, handling you the glass of water to which you gladly took.

"nightmares again? you really should stop watching horror movies before bed time, love." he chuckled, his hands now slowly making their way to yours, slowly and gently holding yours in his.

you're more than confused at his answer. love? you felt overwhelmed by the current situation as you felt a stream of tears rolled down your cold cheek. you wanted an explanation from him, you wanted more than just his presence there to soothe the stabbing pain in your heart. and so you bravely asked him.

"keiji, i don't understand. why are you here? a-and why are you in my room?" you bombarded him with questions, getting frustrated at the amount of unanswered questions in your throbbing head. you clenched your fist at your frustration and your sob grew louder as your head hung low.

akaashi was taken aback by your sudden outburst. he didn't know what has gotten into you. but he remained calm, his thumb caressing your clenched fist. this is all so wrong, you thought.

you raised your head only to meet his confused expression, probably not understanding why're you acting so weird. you had realised that your sudden tantrum put him in a position where he's questioning your sanity.

"y/n, i think you should sleep first." he tried to calm you down, gently pushing you to lie down but you remained frozen.

"but keiji , where are you going to sleep?" you hesitantly asked.

again, he was confused. he didn't know why were you so clueless considering that he remembered how you were completely fine before you went to bed. "what do you mean 'where'? of course i'll sleep next to my wife right here."

"h-huh..?"

your pace quickened when you noticed that you're running late to class. 10 more minutes before class and you're still on your way walking to the school.

"come on, come on. why are there so many cars today?" you cursed out, frantically tapping your feet on the ground.

not long after that, you felt a sudden gush of wind washed all over you. you glanced to your left side and your eyes met with a teenager on his bike trying to catch his breath from possibly the frantic cycling he just did.

"akaashi?!" you exclaimed.

the male turned his head to face you. his tie hung loose with the first two buttons of his shirt were left unbuttoned. you couldn't help but admire the sight before you, how his sweaty hair swung effortlessly from side to side and that good-looking face. who would've thought your childhood friend is actually a handsome young man despite his nonchalant side. but akaashi looked distressed, and in a hurry for sure.

"y/n? why are you still here?"

"seriously, that's your concern? you should look at yourself."

his eyes dropped to take a look at what you mentioned but he only sighed. he raised his hand and his watch stated '8.26'. that's 3 more minutes before the morning bell rings.

"get on."

"w-what?"

"i said get on, we're running late." he pulled your arm to the back of his bike to signal you to get on. and so you put your bag onto the empty seat behind him before sitting on the bag.

"just so you know, this is my first time ri- AAAA!" you were adjusting yourself to sit comfortably so you won't fall when he started cycling later, but that didn't really work when he suddenly sped up, causing you to quickly hug him from behind, holding onto your dearest life.

akaashi's smile turned into a smirk, one hand stayed on the handle while the other grabbed yours which were tightly wrapped around his torso. he didn't say anything but his gesture of caressing his thumb onto your forehand somehow reassured you that you'll make it before the bell rung.

soon after that, the two of you arrived exactly before the bell rung as you waited for him to parked his bike under the roofed area. you were about to leave to your class when you felt a strong grip around your wrist and you turned around to see akaashi smiling at you. your cheeks grew warmer when his face was just inches from yours, causing you to look away to avoid his gaze.

"see me after class?" you didn't get to answer when he suddenly walked past you, leaving a trail of his strong cologne lingered. from far, you can see him being dragged into the school entrance.

it's not the first time he had said that to you but these days, the two of you had been exchanging 'overfriendly' remarks. one that is not normally said between friends. it even sparked some rumours among his volleyball teams. but you've known him for years, even since the two of you were still in diapers. of course this was nothing more than just a normal friend hangout. or so you thought.

part 1 , part 2 , part 3

author's note : hello , i've nothing to say . but i hope youre enjoying this short series of my first haikyuu fic ! will update part 2 asap . feel free to reach me out at the chat section

[torscrawls]

Reaching for a Phantasm

This fic is based on the wonderful art of @astravis! Go check it out!

It's been a blast working on this years ecto-implosion and I was lucky to be paired with such a talented and nice artist!!

Words: 5,201 Can be read on AO3!

Valerie knew that ghosts were evil. She also knew that Danny was not. So when she saw him use ghostly powers she realized that he must not yet know that he's dead and that as long as she could keep the truth from him she wouldn't have to hunt him down. She just wished that someone had told her how hard it was to mourn someone who was still there.

----

Danny felt the back of his head collide with the wall as he slammed into the side of the school gym, hard enough to make his ears ring and for his eyesight to cut out for a split second. The building groaned with him as he pulled himself out of the hole he'd made. around him and as Danny pulled himself out of the divot he’d made he could see cracks spreading out all around him.

Vlad laughed as he lobbed another volley of ectoblasts at him and Danny dove out of the way at the last second with a curse and a burst of energy he didn’t really have. The blasts slammed into the building, sending cracks racing across the whole front. 

As Danny ducked around the shots he hung onto his transformation by the skin of his teeth, thankful that their drawn-out and violent fight had at least cleared out all possible spectators. Less people to see him if—strike that, considering his luck it was only a question of when—he lost control of his transformation.

“Why do you always have to stick your nose in my business?!” Vlad growled with a couple more shots to emphasize his point.

“That’s rich coming from you, you fruitloop!” Danny said as he attempted to eke out a bit of ghostly power to raise a shield, only able to produce a faint flicker of green in the air before one of the blasts slammed through it and grazed his left thigh. “Fuck!” Danny swore at both the pain and the realization that his battery really was empty. He needed to get away. “Just—Can you stop trying to mess with people for a damned minute?!”

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me,” Vlad laughed. “I’m going to get the support of the Residents' Association and get them to ban you Fentons from all the town’s stores!”

Danny gritted his teeth, tired of Vlad making his life harder at every turn. “It’s not real support if you force them through possession!” He threw a desperate ectoblast back at Vlad, cursing the fact that he’d been up since before dawn fighting ghost after ghost for days by this point.

Which was most likely all Vlad's fault too.

“You’re too young to get involved in politics, little badger!” Vlad snarled and hurled electricity right at him. Danny yelped and dove out of the way a split second too late. The shot clipped him in the shoulder, sending him spinning to the ground as his transformation suddenly slipped from his grip.

He came crashing down as a human, striking the ground hard and thanking his increased durability.

Vlad landed in front of him as Danny struggled to his feet, raising his fists, and praying that he wouldn't have to actually fight.

“I will teach you to learn to respect your betters, boy,” Vlad said with a grin as ectoplasm pooled in his hands, he raised them up and—

And was suddenly slammed to the side by the bottom of a hoverboard connecting with his face.

Danny flinched backwards as Valerie screamed, “Get away from him you disgusting ghost!”

And he'd never been happier to have her barge into his fight with guns drawn. Maybe because they weren't aimed at him.

Valerie immediately went for Vlad with a vicious series of shots aimed right at his core, forcing him to weave and dodge. A few of the shots went wide and slammed into the side of the gym, causing the whole building to groan and start to tilt dangerously.

“Va—Red Huntress!” Danny called, trying to get her attention, “Be careful where you aim, the gym is about to—”

He didn’t get the warning out in time.

Vlad laughed as he fired off an ectoblast big enough to throw Valerie backwards with the shear force of it. Right into the side of the gym.

She slammed into the side of the building and Danny watched in horror as the cracks spread and grew, widening into holes before the whole building gave one last groan and then promptly toppled over with a deafening crash.

Right on top of Valerie.

Danny caught a split second glimpse of her helmet staring up at the approaching building before it touched down and he instinctively raised his hands to protect his face from the explosion of dust that blew out from the collapse.

“No!” He screamed as he immediately ran to the rubble, scanning desperately for any sign of her. There was none.

Please let her suit keep her safe.

Vlad snorted and Danny glared up at him with a snarl. Vlad only raised his hands and gave a pointed look at the collapsed building. “Well, have fun with that. I’ll get back to my scheduled possessions.” And then he took off, laughing.

If Danny let him go now then Vlad would turn more of the town against him, would make his life even harder.

But. Val.

Val was under the rubble. She was most likely hurt, especially considering the fact that she hadn’t burst out of the wreckage with her guns blazing, and he couldn’t just leave her.

So Danny turned his full attention back to the mess of rubble in front of him, subconsciously reaching out with his ghost sense and there—

A sense of ghostliness, a tickling at the edge of his awareness. It wasn’t his own exhausted ectoplasm he was feeling, this was subtler, more repressed. Controlled. Molded.

He’d felt this before, tasted it at the back of his tongue every time he talked to Valerie ever since she became the Red Huntress. Which meant that it had to be her suit!

With new hope he reached for his core, desperately grasping that cool sensation and wrapping it around himself to turn into a stronger, more useful, version of himself and—

Nothing happened.

He was too tired, too empty. Even without changing form he might be able to dig her out; he still had some of his abilities as a human, but it would take a long time. Too long.

That left him with intangibility. With it he could probably reach her much faster, but she would see him. She would know.

It didn’t matter.

Danny bit down on the panic blooming in his chest and resolutely pressed it back down. He couldn't afford it right now. Valerie's life was more important than his secrets. He would deal with the fall out afterwards. He always did.

Danny turned himself intangible, took a deep breath, and reached out.

——

Valerie was crushed by the rubble all around her. She tried to pull in a breath, gritting her teeth as her rib cage protested the action. If she didn’t have her suit on she was sure that she would have been dead by now. 

She had lost the grip on her gun in the chaos and there was no way she could reach the one strapped to her belt to try and blast her way out. Still, she needed to get out. She couldn’t leave that ghost alone with Danny, she needed to save him.

But she couldn’t move, couldn’t even pull in enough air to curse. This realization made her chest tighten further. What if she wasn’t able to pull herself out of this? What if she was stuck down here in the dark until her air ran out?

Just as the panic started to set in, suddenly, there was a hand on her arm and just as suddenly she could breathe again. The rubble didn’t crush her any more and she was floating as if in a safe bubble. As if separate from the world.

Then she was pulled up, up, up and out.

Daylight reached her and she blinked dazed eyes as she tried to focus. And she looked up at the person who had saved her; looked up at Danny right through their clasped hands.

She stared at Danny's worried face through her own hand for a long moment, uncomprehending. Her first thought was what happened to Plasmius? Her second was oh, I’m dead, aren’t I?

But then she paused. No, that wasn’t right. She had been stuck under that rubble and it hadn't been until Danny had grabbed her that she had turned intangible. He had done it to her.

Which meant that he was—That Danny was—

“Valerie?” He asked with worry clear on his face. His face that looked so familiar; no anger or malice or evil in sight. Just... Danny. Danny who was—

“Danny?” She asked carefully, voice rough and shaking as she sat up on the dusty ground, not trusting her legs to carry her if she attempted to stand.

“Yes?” The worried frown didn’t leave his face as he let go of her arm, giving her some space. “Are you okay?”

“I'm—Yeah. I'm good. Are you—?” She stopped herself. Of course he wasn't. He was de—

But he acted just like normal.

It wasn’t fair. He should be angry and violent and give her a reason to feel like her world was crashing down around her, joining the school gym in a heap on the ground. He wasn’t supposed to look at her with worry and kindness after helping her up. After saving her.

So how could he possibly be a ghost? Had he died just now? Because she had made a split-second mistake and gotten taken out of the fight? Because she hadn’t been fast enough to save him?

She might be out of the rubble, but she still felt crushed.

At least he wasn't fighting and destroying things. Yet. Maybe he hadn't been dead long enough for him to be corrupted? Did she still have to hunt him? She had to, right? He was a ghost. But had he done anything to deserve it?

…Did it matter? He was a ghost. And that should be all there was to it.

She found that it wasn’t.

“Valerie?” Danny asked and his open expression conveyed only worry, a hand outstretched as if to support her. As if he didn’t even know that he’d just—

Wait… Did Danny even know?

Valerie felt cold wash through her at the realization that he probably didn’t. Which meant that she had to be the one to tell him. Or wait, maybe she shouldn’t; if he didn’t know then maybe he didn't have to turn evil. Maybe she wouldn’t have to hunt him down.

“What happened?” The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it, an instinctual demand for answers and an explanation for what was in front of her.

Danny pulled his hand back with a suddenly guarded expression on his face, fear creeping into his eyes. “What do you mean?”

He knew. He had to know. He had to.

Her silence made his worried frown reappear and he crouched down in front of her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Stop that!” She was surprised by the anger in her own voice as she pushed him away, but she hated the fact that he acted like normal.

“Val?” His eyes were wide and full of hurt and she hated it. “What’s going on?”

Wait. How did he know her name? She was in her suit, he shouldn’t know—

Her hand went to her face and immediately found the big hole in her helmet. So that’s how he’d seen her face. But. He hadn’t seemed surprised. Which meant that he had already known.

Secrets. Lies. He had lied to her. He had manipulated her. Just like a ghost. And now he was pretending to help her, pretending to be her friend, pretending to be Danny! 

She felt hot anger rise in her chest and fuel the blazing hate as she pulled out her gun and trained it between his wide eyes. “Don’t move.”

Danny drew back, stumbling on the same plank from which he had pulled her up from underneath. As if he was a normal human. As if he could feel surprise.

Then he stammered out, “I’m not—I’m Danny! I—I would never hurt you!”

She knew that he was Danny. That was the whole problem!

She kept her gun trained on him and tried to keep her hands from shaking. She didn’t feel any of the usual satisfaction that came from staring down a ghost through the barrel of her gun. “Don’t—” She swallowed heavily and tried again, “Don’t move.”

He didn’t. He just cowered in front of her, hands up to protect his face and his wide, wide eyes full of fear fixed on her. As if she was the danger here. As if she was the monster.

She felt like one.

Besides, if she was responsible for his death then she was also responsible for the creation of an evil ghost. Didn’t that make her just as bad?

The ghost sounded exactly like Danny as he—it said, “Valerie?”

Her hand twitched on the gun as she tried desperately to think. Maybe he really wasn’t aware that he’d died. Could he still be evil? Could she hunt him down for sins he hadn’t committed yet?

She couldn’t keep this from him. She couldn’t. It would kill her too.

But this was Danny.

She looked at his wide eyes and imagined his reaction to her telling him that he was dead. It would be like killing him all over again. She couldn’t do it.

It might kill her not to say anything, but she had to stay strong. She would keep it from him for as long as possible. She would make sure he didn’t realize he was dead, keeping her eyes on him to make sure he didn’t start acting like a ghost, make sure he didn’t hurt anyone, and when he inevitably did she would—

She would put him down.

Danny kept his gaze fixed on her as he asked in a small voice, “…Val?” He looked up at her with his blue eyes, and she—

She lowered her gun. And she hated him so much at that moment that it burned in her chest.

As she holstered the weapon she tried to play her actions off with an angry, “Don’t tell anyone. About me.” Maybe he would believe that her threats had been in response to him finding out about her secret identity. She had to make sure he didn't find out the truth.

Relief flashed across his face. As if he had been scared she would say something else. She told herself again that he didn't know. “Yeah, of course I won’t.” He gave her a shaky smile and a tremulous laugh. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to tell you, both that I knew, and that—Well, you know.”

“That’s… great,” Val managed, the words stiff on her tongue. She found that him knowing her secret identity didn't matter that much anymore. She also found that it was harder to talk to him than she had thought, to act like normal when everything had changed. “I just. I have to go home.”

Home. Would he be safe to go home? The whole town knew about his parents’ obsession with hunting ghosts and he would be going into that situation blind. She focused her suit's remaining sensors and let out a breath of relief as she noted that he didn’t show up as a ghost. It was probably a side-effect of just being created and still being weak, but she would take it. It would mean that he was safe for the time being.

He gave an easy laugh. “Right! Your dad must be worried.”

Valerie barely held back a flinch at the ghost mentioning her dad. He wasn’t threatening him, she reminded herself. He didn’t even know that he was dead.

But that didn’t mean that she wanted her dad anywhere near him.

Danny, oblivious to her whirling thoughts, waved as he turned away. “See you tomorrow!”

In school. As if nothing had changed.

Val gritted her teeth and flew off, not able to make herself respond. She felt like the crushing pressure hadn't lifted off her at all, despite being out of the rubble.

——

In school she watched Sam and Tucker hang around Danny with a knot in her stomach. No one in their tight-knit little group acted out of the ordinary. She took in Danny’s smile as he got punched in the shoulder by Tucker and reeled. Did Danny really die only for no one to notice? Not even his closest friends? Not even him? 

Val watched and watched and came to the conclusion that they hadn’t. They all acted exactly like normal. Which meant that the knowledge of his death was only her burden to bear. So she squared her shoulders and went on with her day. She could do this.

It was her fault that he had ended up like this in the first place and she would—She would carry this for them all. As long as no one realized then it was fine, right? It was like nothing happened.

The only real difference was the glances that Danny kept sneaking her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking. She guessed it was because of what had happened the day before; even if he wasn't aware of the fact that he'd died it must have been traumatic for someone not used to it to get attacked by a ghost.

She could do this, she repeated as she watched him drop a ball in gym class. No, not dropped. It slipped through his hand.

He looked around with wide eyes as if to see why that had happened.

And since she couldn’t let him realize the truth, she stepped in. “I heard Skulker messed with the gym storage last week. A lot of the equipment has been weird ever since.”

Her voice came out slightly shaky and she swallowed the lump in her throat when Danny stared at her with fear for a split second before he gave her a small smile full of relief. “Thanks for the heads up. Haha, I thought I had just gotten even clumsier.”

And then he went back to what he'd been doing, as if nothing had happened, leaving Valerie to get herself back under control.

It was hard to talk to him, knowing that he was dead and not being able to say anything. She felt like she missed him which was ridiculous because he was right there. As if nothing had happened.

Really, she couldn’t understand how no one else hadn’t noticed, not even his closest friends. Not even himself. She thanked the gods that he was so oblivious.

But that didn’t mean that no one would. She checked her scanner between classes and let out a breath of relief every time she confirmed that he still didn’t show up on it. Combined with him acting normally, it probably meant that he was still safe at home if nothing else.

But acting like normal wasn't foolproof. In English class when Mr Lancer handed out worksheets, he must have touched Danny while handing him his papers because he flinched back with a startled, “Wuthering Heights Mr Fenton! Your hands are ice-cold!”

Danny looked startled, as if he hadn’t noticed anything strange about his hands. And of course he hadn’t, the dead didn’t feel warmth.

Val, from her seat next to Danny, leaned over and said, as casually as she could manage, “You always had such bad circulation Danny. Maybe you should try wearing gloves?”

Danny gave her a grateful look. “Thanks. I’ll… Maybe I will.”

During the rest of the class he kept sneaking glances at her and Valerie felt herself tense up more and more as time went on. Every time she looked at him he sent her a conspiratorial smile and turned back to his worksheet. He was trying to spy on her, to suss her out, her mind screamed.

But after class he just gave her a small nod and left. Leaving her to watch after him. And she watched. And watched. 

Valerie watched him laugh with his friends, knowing he was dead. She watched him eat lunch, knowing he was dead. She watched him get bullied by Dash, knowing he was dead. She watched him live his life, knowing he was dead. He was dead.

He was dead. And only she knew.

Did it count as him dying if she was the only one that knew? Since he had only died in her eyes then maybe a part of him was still alive somewhat. She didn't know. She hoped so. It was driving her crazy. 

She found that it was really hard to mourn someone by herself. Someone who was still around. Someone who was standing right in front of her, laughing and living his life.

And everyone acted as if nothing had happened.

And then the day was over.

Val went home as if in a trance.

She didn’t go out as Red Huntress that night.

——

The next day was the same.

And the day after that.

As time moved on she found herself dreading the day he finally realized that he'd died and she had to put him down. She tried to convince herself that she looked forward to it instead; that she would be rid of this empty feeling in her chest. Be rid of the dread and horror she felt every time she looked at him.

Despite this, she watched him more than ever. But she still could barely bring herself to talk to him and instead she started checking her scanner every chance she got.

A majority of the time he didn't show up, not registering as anything ghostly, but the issue was that sometimes he did. 

The first time it happened Valerie's breath caught in her throat and she'd grabbed her gun before making the conscious decision to do so.

It was confirmation. It was damnation. Part of her had hoped that she'd been mistaken after the rubble; confused and dazed and seeing things. But he was dead. He was dead and he just hadn’t moved on. But that didn’t mean that she couldn’t. It was just hard to do when you were watching him attending school everyday as if nothing had happened.

But then the dot on the scanner had gone away. And then it came back. 

He seemed to flip between showing up and not on a regular basis, with him being detectable often coinciding with a ghost attack or similar.

Danny would straighten up from being half-asleep in class, or stop in the middle of a sentence and then excuse himself from the room.

Valerie had never figured out where he went or why but he always showed back up not long after, often injured and trying to hide it. Her best guess was that he got hunted by people or that ghosts attacked him.

At least no one ever complained that Danny had attacked them, so she felt safe to assume he hadn’t turned evil yet and she was determined to keep it that way.

But maybe that was just wishful thinking; she was desperately trying to come up with reasons why she wouldn't have to hunt Danny down.

Once, he showed up on the scanner and for once she managed to follow him out of the classroom and all the way to an empty classroom. Only to find him talking to a ghost.

The ghost in question was a black and white kid and Danny sat on a chair while the kid floated at his side, both of them engrossed in what seemed to be a deep conversation. Danny didn’t give any indication of caring about the fact that his conversation partner was dead. Did that mean that he'd realized what he was? But. Neither of them attacked anyone. They just talked.

Valerie stood still just outside the classroom, peeking inside through the slightly cracked door and felt her anger rise. Because here Danny was, a ghost, conniving with another ghost right under her nose, even though he knew who she was, knew that she went to this school.

And they were just talking. And that was the worst part, because under the anger and the guilt and the pain, there was fear. Fear that she'd been wrong about ghosts this entire time.

But that was impossible.

She hurried away from the classroom and didn't know if she was angry or worried or sad anymore, she only knew that she needed to get away from there. 

Before the next class started, Danny came back and sat down in his seat to talk to his friends. No ghost attack happened that day. 

Valerie started putting even more effort into avoiding Danny than she had before.

Sadly, she couldn’t avoid him forever and he caught her after their last class a few days later. Before she could shoulder her way past him and out the door he said softly, “Val. I just wanted to say… Thank you. For looking out for me. It—It means a lot.”

She glowered as she balled her fists at her sides. “Don’t thank me.”

“I mean it, I really—”

“Don’t,” she cut him off before she skirted past him, making sure not to touch.

She couldn’t handle him thanking her for something she hadn’t done. She hadn’t looked out for him, that’s why he had died in the first place.

She was shaking for the rest of the day. But the conversation made her realize that she had to tell him the truth. Both for her own sake and for his. 

If he'd started showing up on scanners then it was only a matter of time before his parents figured him out. And after that it wouldn't be long until he figured out that something was wrong—if his parents didn't simply do what she hadn't been able to and put him down without hesitation. And that was. Hm. She found that she didn't like the thought of that.

Not that she was worried for him or anything like that. Of course not.

But regardless of why, she realized that she couldn’t do this any longer. She couldn’t pretend that nothing had happened. Which left her with the problem of how to tell someone that they were dead.

The first step was easy; after a few days of gathering courage she asked him to meet her after school, and of course he said yes. He was Danny.

They filed into an empty classroom, the same one she had seen Danny talking to a ghost in, and she took a deep breath before deciding that there was no easy way of doing this. She would just have to go for it. So she squared her shoulders and said, “Danny, I’m— I’m so sorry.”

That stopped him short. He tilted his head at her. “What for?”

“You—you’re dead,” she managed, teeth gritted and hands in tight fists. 

He blinked at her. “I… know?” 

He didn’t seem surprised.

Valerie scowled. “You know?!” Valerie tried to keep her voice down, failing as she continued, “Since when?!”

She had been so scared, so alone. And he had known?!

And if he'd known, then why hadn't he moved on? Could he be that scared of ghost hunters? His own parents? 

She had lived in fear of ghosts for so long, it was strange to think of a ghost hiding out of fear for her, for humans.

She also knew how hard it had been for her to accept that he was dead, she couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him.

He frowned with clear confusion. “Since it happened? I thought you knew? Or what was up with the last few days?”

“But—” She cut herself off, reeling. “But you didn’t react. You didn’t seem to notice.”

“What?”

“Plasmius,” she tried to clarify with a reeling mind. “The rubble.”

He frowned in what appeared to be confusion for a second before his eyes widened in realization. “Ah. So you saw that.”

Him making her intangible, she guessed.

“Yeah. And you— Danny, you died.”

Then he shook his head with a small, sad, smile. “Oh. Oh, no. That wasn’t when— It happened a long time ago.”

Valerie blinked.

So maybe. Maybe he had been dead for a while. Maybe she hadn’t been the one to kill him. She thought that should make her feel better. It didn’t.

Because the immediate question that popped into her head was; how long had he been pretending to get this good at it? How long had he been dead?

Which, of course, led to; how had he been able to hang around her? Date her? Had he ever even liked her? 

He knew how she felt about ghosts. But then again, she also knew what his parents thought about ghosts.

“You haven’t shot me,” he observed and she hated the calm acceptance he said it with.

“Not yet.”

But that seemed to be enough for him as Danny slumped in relief. For some reason, he smiled. “You have no idea how nice it's been to have someone else knowing the truth. Thanks again for all the help, it means a lot.” 

Before she could protest his thanks for the second time, he continued with a much more serious expression, “I just—I'm sorry. I never meant to mess things up for you.”

He never had. Even though he’d been dead for a long time he had never let that affect anyone else as far as she could tell. “I know.”

“And, please, don’t tell—”

Who would she tell? The school? No one would believe her. His parents the ghost hunters? They would capture him or attack him immediately.

But wasn’t that what she wanted? He was a ghost, after all.

“…Val?”

“I won’t.”

He relaxed. “Thank you. And I—I’m sorry you found out this way. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but—Well…”

She knew why he hadn’t told her he was a ghost; she hadn’t kept her hatred of ghosts a secret. And still, he had hung around her. And a part of her still screamed that it had been to find out her weaknesses, to try and hurt her.

No, she chided herself, she knew better. He had tried to hide for his own safety and to spare her feelings.

Cause now she had found out and he wasn’t attacking her, wasn’t threatening her, was even asking for her forgiveness despite everything she had done wrong. All he was doing was talking to her like a person. Like Danny. Because that was all he’d ever been.

“It—It’s fine,” she found herself saying and found that for the first time since the rubble she could breathe again.

She reached out and laid a hand on his arm, gripping tight when she could feel him solid beneath her palm and neither of them turned invisible. He looked up in surprise but didn't shake her off. And this time it was Valerie who dragged him forward, into the crushing embrace of her arms.

Danny was dead, but he was still here.

And nothing truly had happened.

[kpop-cakepops]

Hidden (Kim Mingyu X AFAB!Reader)

Description: angst. You get in a fight with Mingyu :,)

Warnings: slight cussing.

(Haha, not me writing after years of inactivity 😂😭, enjoyyy. Also, this is not revised, so excuse any grammar errors)

It wasn't that you were jealous, not even insecure... it was envy. There you were, sat in the loneliness of your bedroom, tapping through the private Instagram stories of your boyfriend at yet another function. His friends sat at a large table, enjoying their time with him. Time you were missing out on. Time that could have been yours, too.

With a dejected sigh, you drop your phone on your bed and get ready to hop in the shower. The stories had been posted 2 hours earlier, so it came as no surprise to hear the front door of your apartment open and close followed by your boyfriend's heavy footsteps coming in the direction of your bedroom.

You quickly busied yourself looking through your closet for your pajamas until you finally heard him enter. He smelled faintly of alcohol as his warm hands came in contact with your hips from behind. "Hi princess"

"Hey" your response was curt and cold and you knew you were being petty, but there was not a single fiber in you telling you be nice.

He noticed. He always did when you were upset. A sigh left his lips, and he stepped back, allowing you out of his hold. "What did I do now?"

You gave him a quick glance. He was now sitting at the edge of your bed watching you closely, like a math problem he was in a hurry to solve. "Nothing. I'm just tired" he could continue trying to solve it for all you cared.

If only Mingyu were the type to back down.

"Clearly not just 'nothing'" he insisted. "You're upset at me."

"I'm not doing this right now."

"If you don't want to fight, then at least do a good job of acting like everything is ok." now he was upset too. A small part of you wanted to blame yourself for doing this again, but the bigger part of you was hurt and felt left out. Things that a girlfriend should not feel about her boyfriend.

"Where were you tonight?" You finally met eyes with him only to have him roll his at you.

"Seriously?"

"That doesn't answer my question" you insisted.

"I went to have drinks with some friends, it's my day off." He finally conceded. "I didn't invite you because I thought you'd be busy-"

You can't help the scoff that leaves your lips, "bullshit" you interrupt. "Bullshit, Mingyu. You know my schedule. You knew I took today off- shit, I took today off for you and not one single call from you? Not even lunch?"

"Babe, it was a party for Lisa, and we all know you two don't really-"

"Holy shit, that's the excuse you're going with? That it was a party organized for Lisa, who I don't really talk to? At least fucking try to make sense, Kim Mingyu." You had said you weren't insecure, but you started to realize slowly that maybe you were insecure. This had never been an issue to you before Mingyu, you had never felt less than, you had never felt...

Hidden.

"Y/N I was just trying to save you an awkward time-"

Your eyes locked into his guilty black ones immediately, and as if by instinct you knew. "Mingyu, do they know about us?"

He stopped whatever bullshit excuse he was giving you, lips parted and eyes tearing away from your gaze immediately.

You hadn't been together for too long, but definitely long enough for his friends to know, surely. You had told all your friends by the time you'd been dating for 3 months, it would make absolutely no sense for him not to tell his friends after being together for 5 months... right?

"You know my friends know-"

You dropped the clothes in your hands and stomped up to him, shaking your head furious, "No, I know your members know. But what about your friends? Do they know that we're dating? Or am I correct in assuming that you are hiding me?"

You were met by silence. He avoided your gaze and stood from the bed turning his back on you, a hand tangled in his hair. "This is not how I thought tonight would go. I can't believe you're doing this right now."

"You're embarrassed of me?" You didn't mean for your voice to tremble the way it did. You hadn't even realized that your eyes were threatening to spill frustrated tears down your cheeks.

Your boyfriend flinched at the sound of your voice, but he didn't have the courage to face you. "Y/N..."

"Is it because I don't look like one of your super model friends?" You ask, "Or is it because I spend 40 hours a week holed up in an office? Or maybe because I live in an apartment that's the size of your walk in closet?"

He turns to look at you defeated, "Baby no-"

But it's too late. The seed of insecurity within you has germinated, it's grown roots, and they're spreading and wrapping around you at the speed of light. You can no longer keep eye contact with him. In an attempt to hide your tears, you pick up the clothes you'd dropped and start walking past him in direction of your bathroom.

His large hand grabs at your arm softly, "Y/N, please, let's not do this."

"I think you should go home. I have work in the morning." With a soft tug of your arm, his hand drops, and you lock yourself away in your bathroom, pressing a wrist to your lips, hoping that's enough to hide the choked sobs you'd been suppressing for weeks.

[b5withextrachicken]

dating headcanons - jamal musiala

pairing: jamal musiala x fem!reader

summary: how (i think) he'd act in a relationship

genre: fluff

--------------------------------------------------------

° jamal was definitely nervous about asking you out

° he couldn't stop talking about you to alphonso until he finally made the move

° he confessed on accident, stuttering after he realized what he said, his gaze strictly on the floor before you pulled his lips on yours

° you could always shut him up with a kiss

° in the first months of the relationship he's nervous, still trying to get used to it

° when he accidentally walked in on you changing, 'sorry's' and 'i didn't see anything but you look amazing' spill from his lips as he covers his eyes and immediately turns to leave

° always respects if you need space, after all he needs his space sometimes too

° i think he'd wait at least a year before even thinking about making your relationship official to the media

° he's proud to be your boyfriend and loves to show you of around friends and family but he knows how the media can be and he wants to keep them from you as long as possible

° after all he is rather private about his personal life

° however when fans spotted you and jamal hugging on the sideline after the game, they were shipping you guys non-stop

° like there were edits stories (even whole accounts dedicated to the two of you)

° speaking of which, he loves seeing you at his games, it'd make him fall even more in love with you than he already is

° always dedicates his goals to you while sending a love-struck look at you

° whenever he sees you in his jersey, his heartbeat quickens hoping his lastname decorating your back will be yours sometime in the future

° jamal definitely dropped the "i'm not looking for a relationship right now" in an interview, even though you guys were just seen kissing in the stands

° if you guys get into an argument, he definitely wants it settled before you go to sleep

° partially because he hates if you're mad at him but also because he doesn't want to sleep on the couch

° he just sleeps better with you in his arms

° jamal still gets flustered asf if you compliment him, even after months into the relationship

° loves kissing you, anywhere anytime (but not around phonzy anymore, you guys kissed one time while he was in the room and he couldn't stop teasing jamal)

° would kiss you in the morning, before going to bed, pre-game, post game, after a win, after a loss

° kissing you would always cheer him up

° a bigggg fan of hugs

° he loves hugging you tightly, his arms around your waist, you hands on his neck and his face buried in your neck

° he definitely goes on rants, especially after a game where the referees choices were questionable

° but you listen, his head resting on your chest as he rambles and you calmly stroke along his back

° i feel like he'd wear a hair tie on his wrist during games, a small but important sign that he was taken

° fans started pointing it out before you two went official and he'd get fined for it everytime but it was worth it

---------------------------------------------------------

[kawaiibarty]

UMMM if this is not an intrusive question, could you pls explain the process of you transitioning? Like whatever made you feel you were with the wrong body? And how did it bother you sm? This is plain curiosity. If u wish pls help me understand.

ahhhh hi hi it's not intrusive at all!

so for me it was really something that took time for me to understand because i didn't know that people were allowed to feel different yk

when i was a child i wore boys clothes because it made me feel happy, during playtime i called dibs on the boy characters, my avatars in video games were exclusively male.

i felt really uncomfortable wearing certain things like skirts and certain shirts and even different types of shoes. my mom said i was really picky and difficult about it lol.

for a while i sort of started wearing skirts and stuff, around 11 to 13 yrs old but, idk it was an odd period for me. i just wanted to be someone my mother liked yk. anyway, for most of my schooling id been in an all girls school up until gr7 when i moved cross country and schools. this new school was co-ed and it was really weird because i felt excluded a lot of the time because i wasn't...yk i didn't act like most of the girls and the people i thought id fit in with didn't like the way i did things LOL. i just felt alienated and like an imposter because i wasn't doing....girl right? iykwim

then i went to highschool a year later and i was shoved back into an all girls class for two years where i realised i properly like girls, except i thought i was homophobic because i didn't like the lesbian label or the bisexual label even though id tried out both at some point. it was like, i know i like girls and i haven't liked a guy properly but that doesn't make me lesbian because...but what if it does because im a girl, right? (spoiler alert, i do like guys and i realised that i could use the label queer without it being a slur also cue asexuality)

anyway, i was introduced to non-binary and it was a reaaaal relief. im telling you, once i was seen as something that wasn't an uncomfortable little girl it was good. but it still didn't feel right so i toyed around with androgyny except i didn't like how uncertain it made me feel yk?

im not saying that people who are enby or androgynous are wholly uncertain but i didn't want to feel like a poseur because i KNEW what i wanted but i didn't know if it was real.

i dont remember when this happened but somebody introduced me to he/they and they/he pronouns and i grasped onto that and it was okay for a while. still didn't feel like i was going it right because i had long hair and wore skirts and was still called a girl or non-binary and i hated my name and everything about the uncertainty yk? like it just came back out of nowhere

then one day this little boy comes up to me, i kid you not it's a CORE MEMORY for me, but this kid approaches me and he's like "are you a boy or a girl" and i start panicking because im not a girl and i hate being a girl and im not a boy because...i mean i don't even look like one right? so i ask him "what do you think i am?" and he says, without even thinking about "you look like a boy. i think you're a boy." and

yk, ive never smiled so wide in my life. i told him "yeah you're right" and he FISTBUMPS ME and im all giddy and excited and i text my best friend @d-rxse and im like OMGOMG YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED DUDE anyway that was three years ago

then i got moved to a co-ed class

it kind of went to shit after that because as soon as i came out as trans i got a new boyfriend and he had never dated a trans person before so for a while he used he/they pronouns for me and we called each other boyfriends up until maybe april of last year where he told me he was uncomfortable with it

so i was an idiot and threw away all my progress and said "you can call me your gf and use they/them pronouns and she/her in front of your friends" and yeah 👍🏼 progress gone. down the drain.

i fixed it tho, by the end of last year i was so done with his bullshit, i broke up with him a week after school started this year, cut my hair short, changed my name, pronouns and got a new phone. cut him out of my life completely. ive never been happier

[whowhowhoareyou]

Spotify mini podcast I can't skip because I'm showering: it's been a bad year for Boeing

Me: yeah it has!

Podcast: it started in January when a door panel blew out --

Me: that was in JANUARY??

[rurpleplayssims]

[tchaikovskym]

I have to admit I never even imagined witches to be evil until I came here on tumblr and read some of y'alls analysis of literature and other media. The whole evil laugh and brewing potions did not connect to being evil in my mind ever. I was just raised with everyone around me thinking witches were cool as hell.

[verytendou]

Coming around on rpf bc my friend asked our friend group “if your life was a tv show what would your top ships be” and that honestly had to be one of the best conversations ive had in a while

[moe-broey]

Ran out of answer spaces but! I felt it was important to split off Team Plasma since there is a significant ideological difference between them (as far as I remember each ideation of Team Rocket has the same goals/beliefs, Giovanni himself just stepped down and changed his mind)

That said! This is less about favorite gen and more about believing in the beliefs -- especially interesting to consider if you align with the Main Villain and their outlook, or if you believe in the so-called "cause" that may or may not be true, or have some truth to it (like, if you wanted to help Pokemon like og Plasma and Aether Foundation).

Sorry to lump Yell and Star together, I was going chronologically!! You'll have to specify which and why in the tags haha (if you want to that is!)

And honestly that goes for any choice, sell it to me. Why should I join Your team?

[tam--lin]

Apparently the speech and debate league I was deeply involved with in highschool is featured in Shiny Happy People and no one except my mother thought this was worth mentioning!!!