#when will my terrible hands be stopped
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"Basically what happens is, Grace and Max are right about to win. They're right about to do it. And then, there's a groaning. In the floorboards. Suddenly, the staircase gives out beneath Grace and Max, and they fall through the floors. They fall stories. Pieces of wood shove through their chests, and they both are killed."
"But keep this in mind, nothing truly dies in the Waylon house. Grace and Max become ghosts, and they're off doing whatever, but they're no longer involved in the tournament."
So.. that Pit Stop in Hatchetfield tag team deathmatch huh.
#hand in unlovable hand#Pulling pledges last-second to affect the results is FOUL but this was the best possible outcome for them actually.#relative to the death tournament where every other character dies a horrible death anyways#but more importantly. to my entertainment. They win even when they lose.#Terrible for hatchetfield though. Just one of them was enough to be World Ending Cataclysm levels disastrous#and now there's two of them. terrible.#a pit stop in hatchetfield#Ted finally survives a timeline but his friends and family are dead and there are murder ghosts on the loose#nerdy prudes must die#Also tom being the nighthawks coach loredrop. and max being hesitant to fight him#I mean he does anyways but it's the thought that counts right#grace chasity#jagertity#max jagerman#starkid#hatchetfield#hatcherverse#cakeart#Coping about lex and ethan though. swept in my heart
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https://youtu.be/RbgDHyeQNdE?si=WXnghZZuAyvgumVL
Keith saying him and Matthews fiancé do the cooking for him and he just sits there and heckles them. So on brand.
"And how about your barbecuing skills? It looked like you knew what you were doing behind that grill!" "Well, Matthew is pretty useless so! Unlike Brady—Brady can, you know, does things on his own but Matthew likes when I'm down there so I do cook and his fiancée, Ellie, does a great job so. He just sits back and critiques us but forgets that we're the ones doing all the work for him. Which—hey! It was playoffs! I'll do anything for my children."
NHL Tonight: First Shift | 10.16.24 (x)
unfortunately tracks for him and im still crying into my hands its always the one who cant cook for shit thats the mouthiest about it
and considering this clip from faceoff it really does track
#ask#matthew tkachuk#brady tkachuk#keith tkachuk#florida panthers#i love when you can see the family tree of vocal tics#the ei! is intricate#the apple does not fall far from the tree in terms of vocalisms#oh the tkachuks what a family#the peanut gallery does have a lot to say huh id like to see you pick up those tongs you brat#the art of barbeque is an intricate one MAFFHEW SHUT IT#but maffhew giving ellie shit like the little brat he is#i think it makes the banana bread clip cuter he was soooooo proud to brag about it#but he probably was a little shit about it when she was mixing the batter#“ill do anything for my children” like being his personal cook despite him being a whole ass adult. parenthood is beautiful thing.#(no its terribly sweet btw)#godbless this family who does not take each others shit at all thats the best kind of fambily#like a whole tree of chickadees they do not stop chirping#special thank you to @/fannyyann because its truly a gift you screenrecorded those episodes and it makes clipping so much easier amen 🙏#maffhew being described as useless. oh the princess will not lift a single finger! she will not!!#she is here to be pampered and loved and to be waited on hand and foot!!!!
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I did the dark deed.
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thinking about how the ammunition that phoebe uses against mulder in fire is a childhood nightmare that he had shared with her, and how the world only has so much held over him because he shares so generously with it
#this is…….the thing honestly#and this is why scully is Like That when it comes to how cutthroat and protective she is of him#thinking about ‘paper hearts’#and how she tells him that he walked in with his heart on his sleeve#and he did#he always does#he keeps doing it#and it’s not that she wants him to stop#this is what she wants to shield#scully has that kind of protectiveness towards him that you have towards a child that hasn’t been touched by the world yet#it’s very#‘the world is at least half terrible though i keep this from my children’#‘good bones’ by maggie smith#scully in the beginning is like……there is something here that should have broken by now#and she wants to watch him be able to walk into every room with the most hopeful answer and a hand out to every stranger#despite how Frustrating!! it can be and how easily exploited it is and how often it’s used against him#she wants to protect his ability to hope and trust and share so generously with the world#and i adore that about her character because it would be easier for her to tell him to take his heart off his sleeve and open his eyes#she just values that in him so much and she’s so desperate to nurture it and protect it because it’s so special to her#he’s so special to her#and how rare it is that someone whose experienced so much loss and trauma and abuse sees the world the way he does#she doesn’t have to keep the reality of the world from him#he’s seen it his entire life#but he has so much belief in the world anyway#and she’s cautiously running behind#txf.txt#fire
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NOBODY MOVE I'M HAVING POSITIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MORDRED AND ATLAS.
#they finally talk. mordred tells his big brother that 'once upon a time i was supposed to stop breathing before i hit my teens.'#he tells him everything about knowing when his death day passed about the nightmares and the confusion and the agoraphobia#he tells him about his insecurities and his self-hatred -- how terribly must he have fucked up to not even be worthy of dying?#he tells him he's scared and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with all this....life.#and atlas is THERE and he hugs him and he's so fucking relieved that - whatever his brother was meant for - he survived.#he hugs his little brother and tells him its okay to be scared because no one really knows what theyre doing with their lives#he holds his face between his hands and god when did mordred get so big?#''all you have to do is KEEP living okay? that's what you do with life: you live it.''#its not exactly poetry but it IS what mordred needs to hear#ive been thinking A Lot about mordred making an appearance in the searching but idk for sure yet#i just need to figure out WHEN this conversation happens so i can wrap up mordreds arc the way he deserves#i think im gonna try patching his and atlas's relationship across the second and third book#like atlas is HOME and then he's not and mordred is bitter but then- a letter. atlas has written to him.#and he keeps writing. bc he knows now what it is to lose someone and he doesnt want to lose his brother#so they're pen pals!! and it's stiff and formal and awkward and slow going but eventually they're exchanging gossip and venting and.#aaaa#happy lavore content wow look at me go#lavore brothers#mordred lavore#atlas lavore
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old ocs 👍 (late night ramblings in the tags)
#old ocs from a story that idk if i ever want to revive tbh#mainly bcs it was a scifi + highschool coming of age story where an alien got stranded on earth#funny thing is sebastian (greaser leather guy) isnt even a major character in it. he was barely a fleshed out bully npc who bothered declan#but idk years went past. lores grew. somehow they end up together#the lore is that declan was seb's gf. and then he ran from his terrible fostercare and ended up being adopted into a spy family#he transitioned and got to start anew. when the family took in the stranded alien they went to declans former hometown to stay low#so he went back to his old school met his old friends but now as a stranger#seb initially hates declan for being astounding in every classes n being a star student#unsure yet how they reconciliate. but seb will end up figuring out declan was his ex#and they'll figure out neither of them ever stopped loving the other#(seb was the one who gave declan the courage to escape. declan was seb's ray of sunshine)#i made them mainly during chem labs when i was in highschool. hence why the story grew so out of hand now lmao#declan majored in chemistry for the same reason too skjfdkjsd#oc: declan#oc: sebastian#my art#notepad
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First of all, Happy New Year. Second typing is a little rough on the hands right now. (Dry skin from too much washing and sanitizer.)
Hoping to get a chance to be a bit more creative this year. Or I'm at least try to be. Since April and Sept were like my peaks. (Vierapril and FFxivWrite) That's assuming life doesn't throw me anymore curve balls like last year.
The last couple weeks have been me doing events last minute since the holiday crazy was over. XD (I never want to see another Fall Guys run in XIV ever again.) Still playing some Disney Dreamlight Valley when I am too tired to think. So I had the Winter Star Path to do on there too besides XIV events.
I'll be done with the Heavensturn in the next day or two. \o/
#ooc#My thumb split by the edge of my fingernail#The back of my hand hurts when I wash them#Wouldn't need to scrub my hands so much if people would stop being gross#money is already nasty#an then people lick their damn fingers to touch it an hand it to me#like please stop doing that#one person even moved the mask he was wearing to do it#trying my best not to get sick cause customers are so inconsiderate#but my hands are suffering something terrible for it
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who? me? oh yeah, no, i'm fine. just thinking about donnie spending so much time wrapped up in rancid creature and the fame and in getting clean and dealing with little baby emma that he only gets to visit his brother a handful of times. and that emma only gets to meet her uncle brody once or twice before he goes missing (which then forces donnie back to longing to confront the horrors of his childhood/teen years. to confront the traumas he ignored. to be the rock for cassidy and his niece and nephew the way they were for him when he arrived there as an unruly teenager.) emma doesn't really remember her uncle. donnie never gets to thank brody for taking him in and stepping up when nobody else would. he never gets around to telling brody that he loved him, or that he appreciated him and that he did a good job in making sure delinquent donnie watts didn't turn out to be the big fuck up that everybody thought he was going to be. it's no biggie. i'm just thinking about it because it is the single biggest regret donnie has. and despite cassidy trying to tell him that brody always knew how much donnie loved him and how much he appreciated all they'd done for him, donnie never believes it. because brody never gets to tell him.
#& * local metalhead cries for an hour . [ out of character ]#& * a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort . [ study ]#& * a terribly real thing in a terribly false world . [ metas ]#( sobs??? )#( donnie has a lot of regrets )#( he regrets not stopping lee from going through with his stupid revenge plan )#( he regrets not following james to nyc )#( he regrets ever touching drugs )#( he regrets not trying harder with anita )#( he regrets not turning to his bandmates for help when they were right there extending their hands to him )#( but the biggest regret is never actually communicating )#( properly with his brother )#( and telling him how much he owed him ( and by extension cassidy (brody's wife ) ) )#( and telling him how much he loved him )#( it's okay i'm fine i just have a couple of watts siblings in my eye )#( i'll never not be crying over the watts brothers )
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finished homestuck!! and adding it to my ever growing list of ‘media near-universally labelled as cringe that actually kinda slaps’
#like i won’t lie parts of it? terrible. i can’t even begin to piece together half of the lord english plot#but i think a lot more of it was actually really really good. especially act 4 and act 5 they were my favourite hands down#act 6 not so much. like separately? i loved the alpha kids and the dancestors and the concept of the cherubs was really interesting#but somewhere the execution fell short. it’s gonna annoy me cause i can’t figure out why#i think it might be the retcon. which i didn’t hate as an idea!! but it occurred closer to the end than i thought it would#i feel like if they’d explored the impact of the retcon more it might have flowed better?? idk#idk. act six as a whole i’m split on. i either loved what it did or was massively confused and exasperated by what it did#it’s like half of the comic and i got through it in about a week when it took me like a month to do acts 1-5#and it doesn’t feel like that much happened it’s weird#but yknow. it is the act that sold me on vriska!! like i liked her before but i really liked her ghosting it up in this act#the bit where ghost vriska and ghost terezi found each other nearly had me in tears#vrisrezi as a whole. what a concept. easily one of the best dynamics in the entire thing#i really hope terezi finds vriska post-canon. however i’m not sure if i want to read the epilogues and homestuck 2 or not yet#ooh ooh also!! john fulfilling his quest slapped!! that’s probably one of my favourite bits in homestuck ngl#and omg. did not see davekat coming i won’t lie but i was v happy about it#k ill stop now bc i will end up listing half the characters and my favourite bits about them. and as fun as that would be#i really need to sleep haha#homestuck
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worlds most annoying dpair continue to prove theyre terribly annoying [successfully defends against sasha] "HAha!! HahaHAA!!! WOOHOOHOOOO!!" "good job bobby!" "look we have tons of salt [points stick at the bench suggesting erod needs to wake up]"
#THE WAY EKKY STARTS LAUGHING BEFORE REINO EVEN GETS THE PUCK#THEN STOPS. WAITS. THEN LAUGHS AGAIN WHEN ON THE PK SUCCESSFULLY THROWS IT OUT.#his laugh is so loud and echoing like you really have to be there to undertstand how genuinely defeaning it is#everytime i hear his laugh now it just rings in my ears like it did at open practise BECAUSE HES GENUINELY SO LOUD#LIKE ALL THE TIME#GOING GOOD JOB BOBBY WHEN BOBBY DIDNT DO ANYTHING#OH TO BE PRAISED FOR DOING NOTHING. FORSY TOO NICE.#EKKY CHIRPING EROD IS SOOO#GIRL IF YOU DONT STOP#THE LAUGHING THE CHIRPING OUGHHHHH#very obsessed with forsblad here#but forst gets so happy when he gets to pressure sasha#and ekky gets so happy when forsy manages to tie up sasha#food for thought?#sorry these 3 do something to me man#pure banter and delight here crying into my hands ekkys sooo annoying and its terribly endearing#but also forsy in his own being annoying aka being good at defending and not doing anything to run his mouth unlike ekky#god GODDD
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#guys i was in such a baking kick over the summer i cannot stop thinking abuot a natejo bakery au#doesnt matter why french canadian jo is in colorado with a cafe/bakery but he is#nate is nate as we know him osmething or other tyson finds the bakery#introduces them dududu nate CANNOT stop just dropping by every time he heads to practice#his daily order is black drip/americano + whatever jo's special is for the day#this is like circa 2017 or smth so nate's done going thru it (avs 16-17 season) and hes in his chickpea pasta if i dont hit my protien goal#something terrible is going to happen era#but sweet sweet jo and the way he goes all shy and pleased when nate compliments his pastries and cakes and what have you that hes#desperately convincing himself that the fibre in the apple turnovers outweigh the refined sugar + sat. fats definately for sure#(one morning he's in and jo's so fucking gorgeous under the morning light that he couldve handed him a spoonful of buttercream frosting and#the macros wouldve been worth it just for seeing him)#idk one day jo makes low fat high protien banana bread ('theyre real chocolate chips though' jo's telling nate 'but there's also walnuts'#nates not thinking much beyond jo made this for /me/ and he's a little fucked if he falls in love with a damn pastry chef but jo's placing#peice in his hand and it's still a little warm and his fingers brush against his palm and his heart is beating out his chest like he just#got double shifted in overtime so maybe he's been a little fucked this whole time. tyson is going to have a field day with this revalation.#bc tyson mentioned that youve been focusing on healthy eating right?#anyway.
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my builder is pissed at absolutely everyone inside this cell but they have never had any positive feelings towards yan whereas they Thought Miguel Was Their Friend (he came to their BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!) and pen was at soulmate-level, so. while yan definitely deserves a verbal beatdown, the one he receives is.... going to involve a lot of rage that is really meant for the other two that my builder isn't able to express towards them right now. but he's an asshole, so while it's technically misplaced, it's still deserved.
mentioning mi-an is also a terrible choice bc it just reminds her of how much of an ass he's been to mi-an, who is, by all accounts, a very nice girl. that just turns the rage back to full force. very "and ANOTHER thing!"
#my builder: sure yan. now that you've mentioned mi-an i'll help you escape. i'll even let you be the one to unlock the door.#my builder: first just stick your hand through the bars :)#and then of course when he does they grab his hand and start bending his fingers back#my builder: yan. yan listen. stop yelling and listen. i'm not gonna hurt you much. i just want you to know that i can.#my builder: as long as you stay put in that cell you're safe as houses. snug as a bug. all your needs taken care of.#my builder: but if you ever get free?#my builder: i will find you. i will bring you back here. and i will bury you so deep even the buzzards won't find your bones.#mtas#mtas spoilers#mtas yan#mtas pen#mtas miguel#which she's yelling at him for being a terrible boss and a shit person it's pretty normal#when it starts to delve into 'people would DIE if your plans worked and duvos swept in do you understand that? they would DIE.' it's...#still relevan bc while his part in this is smaller it still would have the same result. but everyone there knows he doesn't care.#miguel and maybe pen are the ones who that speech needs to be directed to#but. she can't look at them without also wanting to cry and she is NOT going to do that damn it she will cry#yan tho? no chance of crying when she sees him. he just sucks. 100%.#so he's the one who gets yelled at. he's the proxy for the points she's making
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gonna maybe be away for a lil bit (I say maybe because it really depends on my brain’s temperment)
currently fighting some darkness atm that won’t fucking stop (I’m okay, though, I swear, but its been all fucking day and I need to sleep and I can’t because thoughts)
leave a message after the beep
#i might stop in to like and reblog random things here and there#but ill probably stick to dash rather than digging through blogs like i usually do#anyway#autism adhd and c-ptsd is such a fucking shit hand like cash me tf out ON FUCKING-#like already have emotion regulation problems that gets worsened by it#(it being ptsd)#adhd already brings an endless monologue so ptsd goes ‘oh hey..gimme da aux for a bit’ and plays THE MOST VILE SHIT#ON REPEAT#also the impulsivity omfg#im already terrible and use it to distract whenever i can#but its like im also telling myself i need to because i need to get away from this#but instead of buying things i feel like i want to do something ‘worse’ and i…like actually don’t wanna#anyway idk im really sorry for all the negative posting lately#ibut also this is my home so :(#i started a side blog to actually scream in a void but its kind of odd still tbh and that’s a tangent anyways#im still holding myself to shipping things tho! so I will be reaching out to y’all when i get material wooo#(hopefully next week or the following~)#im hoping that this is just pmdd flaring my ptsd#because then its temporary#BUT OMG WHY WONT MY MEDICINE WORK I HATE YOU PMDD 😭#oh…yeah…sorry#beeeeep
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The hypocritical dichotomy of “I have the right to separate myself from those who have hurt me, I hold no obligation to them or to the connections we once had” and “I will hold the people who have hurt me personally accountable for the pain they have caused me and prioritize myself above their feelings” is the kind of thing that makes me want to tear my hair out and start biting people
#this is about ‘going no contact’ with family members in case you couldn’t tell#i understand that the terrible things tend to float to the surface of the internet#and garner the most attention therefore getting the most upvotes and likes and highest priority on the youtube algorithm#but every time i read or hear a story about someone cutting their parents out of their life#i literally don’t know how to respond#like on the one hand yes its importnat to keep yourself safe#and if you are in an unsafe situation you should 100% remove yourself#but don’t act like you’re not also causing damage#if you’re upset with your parent/s for causing you damage by prioritizing their feelings/needs/wants/etc over yours#then doing the same thing to them isn’t actually fixing anything#and while it does carry with it a kind of poetic justice#you are in a lot of ways continuing an unhealthy behavior pattern that’s only taken on a new face#idk man#i just#do you ever lie awake at night considering your inherent hypocrisy?#do you ever wonder what kind of impact this is going to have on not only your personal future but that of those around you?#my mom still talks to her horrendous siblings and while I genuinely wouldn’t blame her for stopping because htey’re actively harmful#I also can get behind the personal honor and maintaining your own values in keeping up connections because you value the person#even when they continue to hurt you in order to feel better about themselves#actively saying ‘you are more important to me than the hurt that you continue to cause me’ takes a lot of guts#and i know if my siblibngs and i became their targets then things would change#but the fact that she’s willing to continue to take it from them as they continue to target her?#infintely admirable imo
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my issue is that i will never know what is/isn't platonic/romantic because 1) i had no friends for so long 2) i think there's so much crossover and interlacing of the two anyway 3) i'm bowled over any time someone is nice to me just in general
#i am not actually going 2 get into a crazy gay thing w this girl from uni bc i don't actually think that's where this is going#but just in general idk what any of it means.......#except that girl who held my hand when i walked her home i am pretty sure that was not platonic lmfao but she stopped talking to me so </3#also i think realistically i would be a terrible person 2 be in a relationship with esp rn because i truly am so bad at being vulnerable
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ohh I do want to pass away why am I so stupid
#mine#🎸#why am i such a terrible person 😇 genuinely what the fuck#me when i want to cry and tear my skin off over a minor mistake ufhdshdjfjg can i stop being fucking stupid for once#crying over a mistake right NOW actually everything is so difficult i dont know what im supposed to do in these situations!!!!!!!#i get in trouble for not knowing what to do in social situations then i have to apologize and i didnt know THAT either.#bashing my head against the wall violence maiming killing death torture bloodletting slicing tearing defenestrating murdering annihilating#me anmd my epic autism powers. shouldnt i know better why csnt you understand!!! who is at fault here! i dont even know#ashshsjdksjfklsfke im wanna cry so hard everything sucks right now im too busy for this shit. for Emotions#why are you punishing me do you hate me?! did you never even like me at all are you trying to make me mad!!! why#im so tired and frustrated i want everything to go perfectly but its not nothing can be perfect in this terrible world he is going to hate#me now. hell why do i have urges like this it always ruins everything im being so selfish arent i aren't i arent i !!!!!!!! why cant we#be FUCKING compatible and perfect snd everything what is the problem am i the problem?!?? why cant you understsnd what im trying to tellyou#maybe it really would just be better if i died nothing good has happened or is going to happen to me since he probably hates me and#my life sucks!!!!! my face hurts from crying i cant cry properly it hurts it feels so hot why cant it end already!!!!!!! why cant#we be perfect like we are supposed to why cant you UNDERSTAND it seems easy to understand to ME whwueh i am mortified my throat hurts#my head hurts i hate this world why couldnt i resist why did i have to be vulnerable id be better off if. well i dont know#i do want to crush bones and flesh beneath my hands to be honest i dont KNOW i thought it was going well i thought it was good#the thread i am hanging on by is quite thin actually why do i care so much why do i care so little im going to explode right meow!!!#my mood is so ruined i dont know if im even used to this whole thing i cannot get in particular moods im so. rgrhrhggr none of this post#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably#this is just another one of god's little tests i think that everyone will hate me no matter what in the end so i have to enjoy it while#it lasts. no matter how hard i try everything always ends up the same way. all this started because of my mistakes and itll end with them
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