#when will gallifrey come back to me???

[expelliarmus]

[yellow-faerie]

Could you talk about one of those Doctor Who aus?

Hello! Thank you anon for the ask :) I have a few AUs that I'm currently rotating in my head but my favourite at the moment is the one I just call The Modern AU - it's official name is The Doctor Project but that's not what I call it. This took me a hot minute to write up because it is a lot.

(Also if you wanted to hear about any of my other AUs, I put some brief descriptions in the tags :D)

The basic premise is that the Doctors are all human and a team that worked together for their variety of expertise during the early 2000s to repel an alien invasion and the effect it has on each of them and their general lives. Also the Tardis is there as the only sensible one of the lot.

Some doctors do have more story fleshed out than others, mostly due to the fact that I'm still quite new to a lot of the eu stuff like Big Finish and the books and certain Doctors I would feel better about having engaged with some more of it before getting some proper stories fledged out (mostly because I hope it will give me some more inspiration lol)

I'll put some more general outline below the cut for anyone interested :)

[Warnings: mentions of abuse, discussions of war and the aftermath, complicated relationships to disability, implied torture ]

First Doctor

So the First Doctor is the oldest of the bunch, a retired surgeon and medical doctor (he used to work at Royal Hope Hospital) who was brought into the Doctor project for his research into medicine.

He spent most of the War in London due to his old age making it difficult to run around cities infested with alien invaders but he does get sent out periodically (mostly when one of the others gets too injured to be moved from their current location which happens a few times).

He had a daughter, Gillian, when he was quite young but he and his wife split up, and his daughter spent most of her time with her mother instead. However, he was the one to gain custody of his daughter's daughter (Susan) when Gillian died as his ex-wife had also died.

When the Doctor was conscripted, Susan was about 15 and stayed with their neighbour Steven over the course of the war, and Vicki and Dodo, two girls he fostered as well while their parents were off fighting.

Due to the secure nature of the work that the Doctor Project was doing, she and her grandfather only exchanged a few letters over the course of each year, and they were always heavily edited, and she found herself finding a lot of the emotional support she was lacking from her two teachers at Cole Hill, Barbara and Ian.

When she left Cole Hill Sixth Form, a year before the war ended, she moved back into her grandfather's house but kept in contact with Barbara and Ian who helped her with finding a job and advice on living alone, etc. This would break GDPR and a host of other protection laws these days but it's the middle of an alien invasion, let's pretend that doesn't exist. They didn't know the Doctor at all until after the war when he returns and it's a bit weird for everyone.

Especially since Ian is completely furious at him for leaving his granddaughter alone, mostly because people meet Susan and get the immediate urge to protect her; they do mostly get over that particular hurdle though as more comes out about how the war ended, although the Doctor doesn't help matters much by being his usual grouchy self.

His usual grouchy self made worse by the fact that everything has changed a lot since he had left home. Susan is in training to be a nurse and has these faux-parental figures she trusts so implicitly, and is decidedly more wary around him; he has also been fundamentally changed by living four years in various bunkers while working against an invisible clock to defeat a foe more technologically advanced that they are.

Eventually things do settle down: Ian and the Doctor apologise to each other, Susan and the Doctor have enough heart-to-hearts that it clears the air between them, that sort of thing.

There's not a whole lot of plot to any of the First Doctor's stuff but the vibes and the setting are pretty much in place.

Second Doctor

The second doctor is probably about forty when he's conscripted and he was a physics lecturer at St. Andrews university, specialising in sound and acoustics and waves, that sort of thing. He invented several new versions of sound systems which is what got him noticed for the Project.

St. Andrews is where he meets Jamie, actually, who was working as a guard; they bonded over a mutual love of music, Jamie in particular on the bagpipes, and then over other mutual interests.

I'm imagining they got married before the war (as this is an alternate history anyway, I'm making gay marriage legal earlier because no-one can stop me) when Jamie went on to fight in the army and the Doctor got conscripted into the project. Both of them being in different deployments so regularly meant letter writing was even more difficult.

After the war, the Doctor gives up the whole lecturing thing, as the project had left him with a bad taste in his mouth over the work he had been doing. Instead, he takes his knowledge of music and goes into conducting an orchestra, as well as giving music lessons on the side.

In like...any instrument; he's not even very good at playing a lot of them but he has the technical know-how to make someone else very good at playing them, if they can get past his eccentricities.

Zoe is the first violin in the orchestra who he gives personal tutoring too in a vague attempt to get her to put some feeling into her music. She's technically very brilliant and knows her way around most string instruments with almost military precision, but she was taught in a very wooden way and the Doctor is attempting to bring that out of her.

Victoria, on the other hand, takes piano lessons from him except she's around like four times a week and barely ever actually plays the piano and they always give her supper because her home life is...not the greatest. Her father's very absent and her mother's dead. It's all a bit iffy.

Eventually, Jamie probably calls Social Services who are overstretched in the aftermath of the war as it is, but she manages to find herself to a very nice foster family (the Harris') who make sure she keeps having her piano lessons. Although they continue not to really be piano lessons.

[I feel that I should put a note on Ben and Polly here; they are sort of known to both One and Two as Polly is Barbara's niece (and quite close to her aunt) and Ben is Two's half brother (but not that close all things considered) - they are the sort of people who come around for birthdays and Christmas and the one off weekend, and give you very thoughtful advice and presents, but that's sort of the limit of your relationship with them.]

Third Doctor

The Third Doctor studied chemistry at university, trying out multiple different branches, and had managed to get noticed for a variety of things such as creating a few new medications, discovering the compounds of some rarer chemicals, that sort of thing (I will admit, I don't know what makes a chemist famous).

Sarah Jane is his younger sister by about twenty years: when she was younger, she had a bit of a hero worship of him going on but nowadays she's much more sensible.

He worked at Cambridge with Liz before the war, and a lot of the breakthroughs they made together; they (and by they I mean the Doctor has while Liz is facepalming in the background) have a bitter rivalry with the Oxford researcher Emil Masters (the Delgado Master).

They are married but they keep that out of their professional rivalries.

After the war, however, the Doctor stays with UNIT. He's the only one of the doctors to do this and it's mostly because he doesn't trust that unit won't make terrible decisions with the research the Doctor Project produced, so he stays as a Scientific Advisor and pokes his nose into everyone's business to keep his conscience clean.

Jo is his assistant as per canon, only now she is being invited around for supper four times a week at his house and is probably inheriting everything that both the Master and the Doctor own when they eventually die.

They turn up to her wedding to Cliff when her parents don't.

Once again, this is incredibly vibes based rather than very much plot; there's probably going to be something to do with Jo falling out with her family, but that's about as far as I got with it. It's mostly fluff at this point lol.

[Also a note about the incarnations of the Master: while the doctors aren't actually related, the incarnations of the Master are because I find that entertaining, and also there are less of them]

Fourth Doctor

The Fourth Doctor is an environmental activist before the war! He got a PhD in ecology and then proceeded to throw away a promising career in academia (his parents' words) to gallivant around the planet doomsday prophesying.

What he's actually doing is blackmailing people into implementing climate saving machines, etc. so that he isn't Doomsday prophesying; he actually meets Sarah doing this because they both get thrown in prison for getting nosy around a nuclear power plant and thus is the start of a beautiful friendship/relationship, it's really unclear to everyone else.

He has two sisters; Winifred (although everyone calls her Fred) who is Romana I, and Romana who is Romana II. Romana turns 18 just before the war and Fred turns 25 around the same time, while the Doctor is 30ish.

Romana immediately joins MI6 (she had always wanted to be in the secret service) and the Doctor gets roped into the Doctor project, which means that when Fred dies during the war, neither of them get informed for months due to the lack of proper communication channels.

This is something they both feel very guilty about, especially considering the fact that they have two nephews who got immediately lost in the overworked system without any other relative around who could look after them.

Anyway, also during the war, the Doctor gets captured by the aliens, and held for a good few months; he barely ever acknowledges that this ever happened to anyone, even when he is literally hospitalised after rescue. He just...pretends that everything is fine and dandy actually.

His doctor is actually Harry who then gets roped into the whole Very Secret Doctor Project thing for like a month until the Doctor was determined to no longer need constant observation etc and then he's just sent back to his ship.

However, Harry has better communication with home than the Doctor, and also shore leave, so he's sent to basically tell Sarah Jane that the Doctor is alive and alright - they immediately hit it off and so after the war, Harry and she hang out a lot until he's also living in the house with her, the Doctor and their gaggle of foster children (their are a lot of orphans after the war and so the three of them foster).

The actual content of their relationship is debateable - they could be a throuple, it could be that two of them are a couple and the other is third wheeling like a boss, it could be that none of them are romantically involved at all - but they do care for each other a lot.

Also the children are Luke and Sky from SJA and Leela, who's probably about 16. They have a dog, too, called K9 because the Doctor has called every dog he has ever owned since he wasa child K9, and just added a MK on the end; currently they're on Mk IV.

After the war, they just sort of settle back into what they were doing before; Sarah Jane writes for her newspapers and magazines, Harry takes up a civilian doctor's position again at New Hope and the Doctor returns to blackmailing people into Doing Better, only none of them are all that alright after the war and hiding it affects how well they are with other people.

There are some arguments had, mostly with the Doctor and Sarah Jane as Harry is much more mild mannered - with each other, with various siblings, with annoying work colleagues - until they at least admit that something is wrong, and then they go from there.

Fifth Doctor

The Fifth Doctor is the computer guy. He studied computer science at university and as well as developing quite a lot of high level software, he also developed cheaper hardware storage stuff.

With a lack of people I wanted to make him related to, I made him a Cranleigh - I think this was so he could go to boarding school and hate literally everything about it apart from cricket. His notes say that he cuts most communication with his family after going to university so they're not that important to the story.

During the war, he gets caught under a collapsing building at one point which causes nerve damage to his spine which affects the communication between his legs and his brain, periodically causing the connection to short out and his legs to collapse; the collapsed building also means that he can get quite a lot of pain in his legs, and should really be using crutches (only he forgets to bring them with him a lot).

Before the war, he works for some sort of big tech company who fund a lot of his research but after the war he doesn't particularly want to do research any more - nor work for a big tech company - and goes on to lead the IT department at Royal Hope. Which consists of Turlough (who is there because he needs a job after school and he heard that IT jobs were really easy actually) and possibly a few other characters (I've heard of some that exist in audio format, so when I get there, I may edit this).

He also fosters two kids in the aftermath of the war: Adric, who's mother was Fred and who's older brother died in the time that they were lost in the foster system, and Nyssa, who's father Tremas Masters (the Ainley Master) got imprisoned for murdering both of his wives and very sweetly asked his old university roommate if he might very kindly look after her for him.

Tegan is Nyssa's girlfriend and is subsequently always around at their house, to the point that the Doctor just gave her a key and makes supper expecting that she'll be there.

As for Peri, she and the Doctor meet at the local garden centre, and now she comes around to help look after his garden because her apartment is too small for a proper one (she and Six keep saying that they're saving up for an actual house but that might be a commitment too far).

There are the inklings of an actual plot idea I had here? In my head, somehow the Master escapes prison and intends on escaping the country with his daughter, only the Doctor is like no??? You can't do that to Nyssa??? And someone gets hospitalised.

[A note about Royal Hope, and also Cole Hill, and other reoccurring places: occasionally, the characters coincidentally working at these places is an actual coincidence, but the rest of the time it's because the Tardis has a lot of sway with people and she is always pushing the doctors and their friends to work in similar places so that they actually talk to each other again.

Or something like that. Honestly it's just plot contrivance because I like putting them in the same working environment, it makes it easier for me]

Sixth Doctor

The Sixth Doctor studies law and philosophy, being a lawyer both before and after the war. He's a really good one too, just really obnoxious.

I don't have a lot for the Sixth Doctor yet because I know he has a few audios that I want to listen to for some ideas, but I am very fond of the two seasons we got of him so here's what I have:

Peri meets the Doctor because he represents her in court when she's fighting her stepfather over something; after the court case (which they win) they go out for a few dates, and even though he's obnoxious and incredibly big-headed, he's also weirdly sweet and gentlemanly and so they get together officially.

Then the war starts and the idle talk they had of getting married/getting a house gets pushed aside while the Doctor joins the project and Peri helps with farm work by using her botany to develop crop something or other.

The war really did affect the Doctor. When he was younger, he suffered from Bipolar Depression but got it under control with medication and therapy, but the war and it's aftermath dragged that out of the depths which definitely put an extra strain on his and Peri's relationship.

When it's really bad, he did try to strangle her (like in the show) which did cause her to leave; but she does come back eventually, after the Doctor calls to apologise, and he does get it back under control.

At some points, it's really not the healthiest relationship, but it doesn't stay like that forever; it's something I really want to get into with my writing and I have the outlines of a fic over the period that he and Peri spend sort of separated.

On a lighter note, some of the other characters of the era! The Master keeps appearing on his doorstep after escaping prison looking for help and the Doctor keeps refusing to give it because he did try to kill Five; he once is a prosecutor against the Rani for unethical experimentation and she straight up sends a hit out against him; the Valeyard is his coworker who hates the Doctor a lot more than the Doctor hates him; and Mel is straight up just his personal trainer at the gym who got WAY too invested in his life.

Seventh Doctor

The seventh doctor is a high level tactician for the MOD before the war, and is actually one of the ones to help collect the other doctors together. He actually continues to do his MOD job while doing the Doctor Project which means he's the only doctor to really have a good understanding of what's happening around the world in real time.

However, he doesn't really have anyone to write home about. He grew up in foster care and it took a lot of effort to get to where he was at the outbreak of war, and so he didn't exactly have that many friends about.

The exception to that is Mel who he grew up with in part and so he does send her the odd letter.

After the war, he gets made redundant by the MOD and goes on to become a PE teacher at Cole Hill; he always dresses like he might be lecturing on politics or history, and stands on the sidelines while watching the students. Or he actually lectures on history or politics; honestly the amount of PE that's done is reliant on the mood.

He also ends up living with Ace; officially, she's his foster daughter, but she's so fiercely independent that she insists that they're roommates and he was willing to accept that.

I wish I did have more for him but I'm hoping that as I get through the Audios and books and such like, I'll get a better understanding of his era and the characters around it to make something a bit more developed.

Eighth Doctor

I'm only eight or so audios into this doctor's travels with Charley, and I have yet to read the Eighth Doctor Adventures (although I am looking to) so this isn't at all a complete section.

The Doctor is an expert in psychiatry and neuroscience, specifically in memory, mostly due to his own issues with memory throughout his childhood.

I'm still debating what the actual cause of the memory issues are, but I'm thinking that it might be because he had epilepsy as a child that was believed to have gone as he grew into adolescence but returned due to one (or multiple) head injuries during the war. I know there are certain types of epilepsy that can really affect the memory.

Either way, the Doctor also seems to be a bit of a romantic and very easily swept up in someone else's life; I see him, before the war, having a disastrous marriage to Grace Holloway which breaks down over four years of not seeing each other and ends in divorce as Grace returns to the states.

After the war, I think that he rents out the rooms in his house which is how he meets Charley, but that's about as far as I can really go with other relationships in his life because I haven't seen anything else of his stuff.

Ninth Doctor

The Ninth Doctor is an expert in mechanical engineering and is the one who does the main body of creating the Moment (the thing that takes out the alien invader's mothership).

He is the son of the War Doctor who's the General who Seven went to with his idea of creating a project to end the war, and the one who officially leads them. He mostly raised the Doctor single-handedly but was not exactly the most caring man in the universe.

The Doctor has a lot of very complicated feelings about his father which don't really get resolved because he (the War Doctor) sacrifices himself to set off the Moment.

Anyway, the Doctor never really wanted to get into Academics and become some sort of fantastic mechanical engineer but his father really pushed it (especially when it became clear the Doctor would never join the army); so after the war, he becomes a sort of freelance mechanic and works with Mickey.

Which is where he meets Rose. Rose often comes to visit Mickey at the end of his shifts because they're friends and live close together, and so she and the Doctor meet regularly there until they are both like...want to go travelling?

Rose was 19 when the war started, and runs the Bad Wolf magazine which she basically created at the beginning as a sort fo morale booster and also because she didn't like how the newspapers were reporting and wanted to make something that wasn't filtered through a hundred government filters; Sarah Jane actually writes for it during the war and on occasion afterwards, and is quite a good friend of Rose's for all that they don't see each other face-to-face all that often.

Still, after the war, sales of Bad Wolf kinda drops off a bit but Rose really loves the magazine and so wants to try something different: she wants to travel so she can see the world, and show people how people are rebuilding and getting their lives back in the aftermath (and help out where she can). She tells the Doctor this and then he offers her his van, and they start travelling together.

They live out the back of his van for years and they're quite happy to do it; they get married in Paris, periodically come back to visit Jackie (who is naturally rather displeased about this life choice they've made - although it's fine because they paid for her to come to Paris for the wedding), and just generally having a good time. They're like van lifers except not obnoxious about it, and when they eventually have Mia, they move back to the UK somewhat permanently (they still travel on holidays) so that she is living somewhere steady and permanent in her upbringing.

We also can't forget about Jack - he was a pilot during the war who also wrote for Bad Wolf, usually entertaining and slightly flirty pieces, and after the war, Rose and the Doctor invited him to travel with them after a few years. When they settle down in London, he moves to Cardiff for a bit on a 'journey of self discovery' where he meets the various Torchwood team (I have to admit I haven't got around to watching Torchwood yet).

He is Mia's godfather (so is Mickey, and Shareen is her godmother) and he dotes on her like no-one's business.

Tenth Doctor

The Tenth Doctor is an expert in anthropology and archaeology. He's Donna's little brother although there isn't much of an age difference between the two of them.

Of all the doctors, he's probably the one I've had the hardest time with.

I know he has a wife who died during the war (I'm thinking that this might be Astrid, for lack of someone better), and that Donna's boyfriend Lee died during the war as well - a lot of people did, during bombings and attacks and that sort of thing - and that with his wife he had a daughter (Jenny) (although I'm also playing around with the idea that he also had a younger daughter, that being Sally - as in Sally from Blink).

In the aftermath of the war, then, he and Donna move in together to help each other out, and eventually their mother and grandfather join them as old age arrives.

Donna meets Shawn in the aftermath and they get on well, and have a very healthy relationship and marriage. On the other hand, we have the Doctor who has the worst situationship ever with Martha.

In the aftermath of his wife's death, he meets Martha who got her medical licence during the war and has been working at Royal Hope since then, and I know that they probably hook up a few times in what is absolutely not recommended.

This is where I get a bit stuck on how things develop from here. I've been getting fonder and fonder of Tenmartha as I think on it more (although Martha does not deserve him) but I do quite like the idea of the two of them coming out of trying to force a relationship and being like...oh we're much better and healthier as friends.

Also, although that epilogue for them came out of nowhere, I do think that Mickey and Martha have a lot of potential as a couple.

There's a lot more I would like to develop here but I shall see what happens as I start writing some more of this.

Eleventh Doctor

The Eleventh Doctor was chosen for his mathematical skill. He's also the youngest of all of them, having just finished his PhD at age 20 as the war broke out.

He's the adopted son of Brian, so Rory's younger brother by a few years, and used to follow him and Amy around like a duckling that had imprinted on the closest moving thing. He did end up going to university quite young (honestly like most of the rest of the doctors) and it's there that he met Strax, Vastra and Jenny who took him under their wing as they were older students.

The war happens before he can really start a job and after the war, he struggles for a bit to find his place, but eventually ends up working with his old university friends in the Paternoster Detective Agency.

Amy and Rory get married after the war - Rory is a nurse at Royal Hope, which he was training for before the war, and Amy is a painter. She always intended on being a model or something like a fashion reporter, but during the war she found painting brought her (and others) the joy that could sometimes be very lacking in such a desperate time.

Her favourite artist is Vincent van Gogh.

They have Melody, although her birth is rife with complications, and so they decide to settle very happily with just the one daughter. She is doted on so completely by everyone, especially her uncle; there's a period when she's like four or five when she is convinced that the Doctor is a secret agent of some sort and gets really into all the spy sort of things.

She makes him play dress up with her and she calls herself River Song because it sounds cool and secret-agenty and the Doctor is her quirky sidekick.

[I debated with putting River Song in as a separate character but I wasn't quite sure what I would do with her? There's potential there for an AU of sorts where she is there, but I unfortunately never quite vibed fully enough with River for her to be a major player in the Main AU]

He lives with the Ponds for a bit after the war, and then moves in with Craig, but when Craig moves out with Sophie, he mopes about it and moves back in with the Ponds.

It's around this time that he meets Clara; she's an English teacher at Cole Hill and her mother went missing nearly five years ago. After trying to get the police to do anything at all, and then saving up the money, she hires the Paternoster gang to find out what happened.

What actually happened is still a bit of a mystery, but she definitely isn't still alive, which the Doctor is the one to tell her the news.

I don't think I'm going to do anything romantic with them but I do think they're quite cute together, so I might dabble. But also I quite like the Doctor being aro and I can see him just living with the Ponds and never leaving.

Twelfth Doctor

The Twelfth Doctor is an astrophysicist. He's spent a lot of his life developing telescopes and astral bodies, but after the war, he mostly just lectures. He's such a longstanding part of St Luke's university that they probably couldn't fire him for anything short of murder.

He's married to Missy quite young, actually, although they never had children; she has spent like half of their marriage in prison though, and now spends most of her time hanging around the Doctor's office being annoying to all his students.

During the war, he did get blinded. It's something he has a complicated relationship with, and does not like it when people mention it around him. He uses a cane when he moves around and wears sunglasses because it hides that his eyes aren't necessarily looking at the person he's talking to.

Again, he has a complicated relationship with it.

Nardole is his teaching assistant, only he's massively overbearing about every aspect of the Doctor's life (only he just manages to be endearing enough that the Doctor doesn't just fire him on the spot).

Bill is, like in canon, someone the Doctor tutors, only now instead of getting to see the galaxy, she has he, Missy and Nardole giving her wildly different yet equally terrible dating advice, which somehow works to get her with Heather.

As for Clara, I genuinely don't know what to do with her; she's such a big part of the Twelfth Doctor's story that I do really want to have her be an important character, but I don't know how. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

Thirteenth Doctor

The Thirteenth Doctor is an expert in microbiology. She's a government researcher into disease for the few years before the war, but after the war, she becomes an A&E nurse. She found that she preferred chaos and wanted something that was less science based but still within her interests.

She's fostered by Graham as a child, which is how she knows him, and subsequently how she comes to know Ryan and Grace, when Graham meets them. Her mother was Tecteun who she was taken away from when she was twelve due to the fact that Tecteun was a piece of shit (as in canon).

She wrote a lot to all of them during the war; out of all the Doctors, she probably spent the most writing letters (apart from maybe Six who wrote to Peri...so much, he spent so much time agonising over writing letters to her).

She knew Yaz from school and they both moved to London after the war - they met up again when they both returned from the war, and they decided that a change of scenery from the place they grew up might do them good.

London was one of the main targets during the war so there was a lot of practical work and training to do in both the police force and in nursing (which is what the Doctor wants to go into); they stay in shared accomodation and volunteer to help with the rebuilding effort in some of their free time.

When the rebuilding is mostly finished and everything has started to even out again, they stay in London; the Doctor has a job at Royal Hope and Yaz has found her footing in the local police force. They visit Sheffield a lot though, and invite Ryan to stay with them a lot, so he can get away from all the Old People.

Fourteenth Doctor

The Fourteenth Doctor technically doesn't exist. The Doylist reasoning for this is because there was far too little that separated the Fourteenth Doctor out to make him his own character in a modern AU; the Watsonian is because there was meant to be a Fourteenth member of the Doctor Project but he died in transit to the first meeting. Out of respect, the rest skip over the number that was meant to be his.

I've played around with the idea that the Fourteenth and the Tenth Doctor were siblings/related/possibly twins but I think this might be more of an AU sort of thing.

Fifteenth Doctor

Obviously we haven't had the Fifteenth Doctor's actual first season yet or much of anything for him (very excited for it though) so this is very much a work in progress - I'll make more decisions about his story after the season has come out and I've watched it; from vibes alone though, I think he'd be possibly an expert in sociology, and after the war he would own a club or something similar, where Ruby would get herself a job.

Notes and Stuff

Congratulations for getting this far lol! This AU is very precious to me and gets bigger every time I watch a new episode/listen to a new drama/rewatch/relisten/etc.

There are a few general things I'd probably note: all the Doctors have like...actual names (mostly John or a variation there of) but I refer to them all as the Doctor because that's what rolls off the tongue more easily.

Another thing is Idris/the Tardis - on one hand, the original idea was that she would die and her funeral would be the thing to get the Doctors back together so to say, but the more I think about it, the more I would like her to live.

I'm planning on writing some fic for this AU and posting it to AO3 - there's a Sixperi fic I really want to write, and I'm a sucker for some family fluff with various Doctors - and I might draw some stuff, so stick around if you're interested :)

I've only been really into Doctor who for four or five months, and with such an expansive EU (and frankly, such a lot of main content), there's a lot I don't know (although I very much intend to know it one day). If you got this far, I would honestly love to hear your general thoughts and ideas on the AU, a lot of the Eleventh Doctor stuff I worked out was developed from conversation I had with a friend!

Anyway, thank you for getting this far! And thank you for the ask to let me ramble, it took me a while to get all the rambling together but now I've finished, I'm really pleased I got here.

[marvelmaniac715]

I probably shouldn’t write for Doctor Who, because this is an overplayed trope, but here’s what I want for a potential multi-season companion. Her name is Callie (short for Calypso, which means ‘she who conceals’ but that’s just a coincidence…) and, personality-wise, she’s practically a stereotypical companion at first. Smart, witty, cheerful, reacts to the TARDIS with a typical “it’s bigger on the inside” but when she says it it’s almost like she’s making fun of the past companions. Her eyes are similar to Clara Oswald’s, she has blonde curls like River Song, which she keeps in two plaits like Yasmin Khan, she smiles like Rose Tyler, and the Doctor has an overwhelming sense of deja vu. She’s not much of a hugger, which the Doctor respects, but the one time she does hug him after a particularly emotional moment, he swears he can hear two heartbeats. That’s not the only thing - her eyes seem kind, but if you really look into them, there’s an iciness there. She’ll often smile to herself, like she’s laughing at a private in joke. She’ll often make herself a soup which smells just like a soup that can only be made with ingredients native to Gallifrey, and during her adventures with the Doctor things go wrong more often. She’ll push the Doctor to be more selfish because “you can’t save everyone”, and she won’t tell him much about her childhood. But then, one day, Callie starts acting even more odd. She responds to a question with “I’ve mastered it”, and the Doctor discovers that her ringtone is Saxon’s theme from when he was Prime Minister (“I was just a kid when Saxon became Prime Minister, that tune’s really nostalgic for me…”), then the truth comes out - Callie never existed; she is in fact the Doctor’s best enemy the Master (but you probably already knew that 😅). Her motivations are quite similar to Missy’s - she wanted her friend back, so she managed to make her newest regeneration a combination of every woman that the Doctor’s loved, and has drawn upon her knowledge of what the Doctor finds most appealing in a friend/romantic partner. When he tries to push her away, she gives him a look of mock-confusion and asks:

“What’s wrong, Doctor? I thought you were going to show me the universe?…”

Edit: I’ve started writing a fic about it :D:

[intuitive-revelations]

Theory: Something serious is up with the TARDIS

I had been wondering about this all series, but after Rogue today, it's finally been confirmed that something's going on with the TARDIS (on top of all the other arc threads going on!).

The moment I picked it up was in The Devil's Chord, where the TARDIS makes a strange groan and creaks after landing back in 1963. Ruby thinks it's from Maestro, but the Doctor says it's "something else". As of today it's happened again, twice! Once in the episode itself, once in the next time trailer. The exact same sound effect!

Someone on reddit pointed out a few weeks ago that this sound appeared even earlier too, in Wild Blue Yonder (notably also when we first saw Susan Twist, had gravity changed to mavity, and welcomed the Pantheon into the universe). Each time, it's also had attention drawn to it. Here's a video of each scene, followed by a direct comparison of each sound:

(I did have a quick glance to see if it appeared elsewhere, maybe even during Flux. As far as I can tell however, Wild Blue Yonder seems to be the only non-S14 appearance.)

What's more, going back to that Reddit thread, someone pointed out what the Wild Blue Yonder script says about this moment:

And then the TARDIS seems to moan. The Doctor fascinated. DONNA: Is it working? THE DOCTOR: I think so. Strange. He reaches out, touches the TARDIS, wondering. And that 'strange' will come back to haunt him, one day. But now...

(Suddenly the TARDIS freaking out over Donna's spill might make a bit more sense...)

So what the hell's going on?

Well, between a trailer scene and some news that just came out a few hours ago as of writing this, I think I may have an idea. Given it's based on trailer footage uploaded and then removed from YouTube, I'll put it below beneath a read more:

In a removed Disney+ teaser trailer we get two frames of the Doctor screaming out into space (with Mel behind him). Except it's not from "his" TARDIS:

It's the f*cking memory TARDIS!

And here's the thing. Not only was this trailer scrubbed from the Disney+ and BBC channels, but in the other trailers, this clip is entirely different! Not only is Mel gone, but the TARDIS interior is now Fifteen's own, and the TARDIS is in a different, generic region of space.

Just before this, we also see a similar nebulous region of space matching the unmanipulated clip.

But why on Earth is this such a big deal, that the BBC/Disney would go full MCU and give us a deliberately altered clip? The only previous time I remember Doctor Who doing this was for Series 10, hiding the plot point of the Doctor's blindness. It's not because of Mel, who literally appears in the released trailer. It's also seemingly not because of the background, despite it also being altered (unless the two moons are a clue with the planet being Gallifrey or something - the thought had occurred to me - but that's such a tiny detail, and we also only see one sun). Instead, it must be the Memory TARDIS. But why?

In-universe, I have no idea. On one hand I'd be delighted to get some answers as to its nature. Assuming it's connected to the groans we've been hearing, then it could be the TARDIS undergoes some sort of metamorphosis into this state? But we've seen the TARDIS change all the time, whether for safety, to recover or whatever. I also can't imagine general audiences are falling over themselves to find out the in-universe explanation for a Classic Who re-release framing device. Not to mention, apparently the sound will go on to "haunt" the Doctor...

...maybe the TARDIS straight up is taken out of commission in some way? And the Memory TARDIS isn't the same ship, but the Doctor's way of saving the day without her? Maybe even remembered into existence Fitz/Amy style?

Out of universe however, it's just been announced yesterday that we're getting more Tales of the TARDIS.

And not just more omnibus stories with past characters returning for in-universe commentary... but with Fifteen and Ruby! What's more, it's apparently a one-off, right before the finale (but, note, after the first part next week).

Which means it's important. Possibly extremely so, given the edited trailer scene. It might even serve as an interquel, given Fifteen and Ruby are somehow in it.

I've seen two common theories. Either a) it will be Pyramids of Mars, and we're getting Sutekh in the finale (presumably with Fifteen and Ruby partially because of bringing back Elizabeth Sladen obviously not being an available option - and even if you thought up another character, eg. Luke, I doubt Tom would be interested, at that point anyway), or b) it will be something tying into Susan returning.

Honestly between the remaining trailer clips (eg. sandstorms and dusty planets), a tease RTD supposedly gave in DWM, and an old interview with him where he supposedly floated the idea of bringing back a Classic Who for a finale and airing the original serial on BBC3 beforehand, I'm kinda leaning towards the prior, even though it wasn't at all on my radar.

However, this still doesn't actually answer what's up with the TARDIS.

It could quite literally be anything. However, here's a few ideas, some reasonable some weird, that I have come up with:

Old age / stress. This is a weird one, but oddly enough something I had thought of once in the past, and I just saw someone else come to the same idea on Reddit. The idea is that while the Doctor has a new regeneration cycle and now a good few years, if not decades or more, of rest and recovery, the TARDIS may struggling in it's own right (especially if it is somehow old enough to have once been the Fugitive Doctor's). However, while this could be something interesting to explore, and I think isn't entirely mutually exclusive with other options, I can't imagine going anywhere near a storyline of the TARDIS itself 'wearing thin'. Besides, if we did, I like to imagine it would have been foreshadowed with size leakage, as per Name of the Doctor.

Relating to the above, could it be something linked to the TARDIS splitting in The Giggle? However, the sound starts before then (not that that means much to the TARDIS, but still).

Laws of rationality breaking down. This one makes the most sense in a lot of ways, between the expanded universe (particularly Christmas on a Rational Planet) and Flux, we've seen the TARDIS cannot survive in an irrational universe. While time has stabilised for now, we're still seeing magic and other Old Time forces encroaching in on the Web of Time. I'm a bit torn with this one however, as while it works from a lore and writing perspective, plus matches with this starting in Wild Blue Yonder (right after the Mavity incident... interestingly), it seems odd it's not more connected with what happened in Flux? Why are the sounds and effects on the TARDIS completely different?

Something to do with the Doctor's fobwatch. In Rogue, the Doctor blames the sound on indigestion. We know we're getting more Timeless Child related stuff - could this somehow be linked to Thirteen dropping the Division biodata module deep into the TARDIS? Would be a weird time to pick this up though, and I'm not sure exactly how that would have had such an effect.

The most actually likely, but least possible to theorise about: it's something time-wimey to do with Ruby, the villain(s) of the story, and/or Susan Twist, especially given this started after her first appearance.

Regardless, I'm just excited to see what's up with the Memory / "Remembered" TARDIS, because it's seems we're about to learn something...

[nethnad]

thinking about time lords and their fucked up little society again and i just realized how devastating the revelation of the drums in the end of time is in relation to the master's character.

because of all the renegade time lords in the universe, i think it's the master who most exemplifies the philosophical outlook that the time lords have towards the rest of the universe. they're stuffy observers, administrators, yes - but this position is one they've decided for themselves because of this concept of supremacy over other life forms. imposed and upheld this idea that other species that lack a time sense are less-than, primitive. and the master buys into this hard.

and i mean... compared to the doctor, the master is good at being a time lord. he buys into these supremacist concepts, this idea that every other species (and especially humans) is practically a meaningless ant in the grand scheme of the universe. takes it to the extreme, yes, but its the same underlying principle. he's a good student (despite whatever chibnall might think) - that one time lord from terror of the autons (identity forever a mystery) (its brax) even says "he did receive a higher degree of cosmic science than you." the master could play their game if he wanted to. he's remarkably comfortable with being on gallifrey/the idea of gallifrey(in eot/tlotl) than the doctor ever is. where the doctor avoids the subject of the lord presidency like the plague, the master is like "well if you kill the president you ARE the president! and then you have all of gallifrey!" and when the doctor destroys gallifrey (nominally), the master tries to rebuild it in the sound of drums/last of the time lords. tries to emulate their society. honor them in his little fucked up way. he brings them back from the time war!

and what does he get for it? how did the time lords treat him in response?

they decide to implant the sound of drums in his head, stretching back until he's a child. puts this insufferable noise, this splitting headache, in his head for his entire life. all so that they may live while he dies. because he is diseased, because of them. he has swallowed the pill, bought their propaganda, he has followed the rules, he tried to rebuild them he tried. and in response he is chewed up and spit out like trash so that rassilon's god complex can survive while the universe crumbles.

how crushing must that be to someone? to have your whole worldview - that you are better, you are chosen, you are special - come crumbling down in a few short moments? to see the revered founder-god of the civilization you have so desperately tried to revive look at you and say "you are diseased," even though he was the one to poison you in the first place?

and as his heart is torn to pieces... when rassilon says "no more," and charges his gauntlet, the master - who has spent countless lives fighting death with his bare hands - does not move.

part of me thinks he does not want to.

[am-i-obsessed---maybe]

Wrong Tardis (Ninth Doctor x M!Reader/ Tenth Doctor x M!Reader)

I'm not a huge fan of Nine but I'm slowly going back and watching his episodes and he's kinda growing on me.

Not sure if he's ooc here (though I'm like 90% sure Rose is) but whatever. I'm super excited for tomorrow's special and really wanted to write more for this series.

If you have any requests for this series send me an ask! (just keep in mind I have my own plans for big episodes like Silence in the Library or End Of Time.

Wordcount: Just over 1k

Series masterpost

The Tardis was old, like really old, like when the Doctor stole it it was already in a museum old. So occasionally it glitched, nothing too big. That is until it glitched and teleported you you to Cardiff 2005.

That was a whole earth year before you even met the Doctor. On the plus side the glimpse of his face you saw before you were teleported told you he would find you and come to pick you up, it was only a matter of time so you walked around.

You had yet to be in Cardiff in 2005, you'd been in to Cardiff circa 1910 but not 2005 so you look around, you saw the sights, you people watched for a bit and then you saw a familiar blue box.

"About time" You told yourself as you walked in.

"Did you fix the timezone processor?" You asked, happy to be back. By your calculation is had been about 3 hours.

"Who're you?" Asked a blonde woman who'd put herself between you and the Tardis console. You blinked.

You may have jumped to conclusions.

Looking around the inhabitants of this Tardis were very much not the inhabitants of yours. You only recognized one face. Captain Jack Harkness (Though he wasn't traveling with you when you'd been teleported away).

"You're Rose Tyler" You said to the woman who stood in front of you and she nodded.

"Yeah, and who are you?" She asked again. By now Jack and the Doctor, or the man you assumed was the Doctor were looking at you wearily.

You looked to the Doctor, his hair was darker and buzzed close to his head, his forehead creased in ways your Doctor's didn't and his ears were definitely larger than you remembered them being. Looking into his eyes calmed you though, because those were definitely the eyes of the man you loved. Though perhaps a few years younger.

This was the Doctor before you'd met him. before he knew you existed, maybe even before he destroyed Gallifrey.

"Well? Aren't you gonna answer her?" Asked Jack all three were looking at you expectantly.

"I'm an anthropologist" You finally said.

"An anthropologist?" Rose asked and you nodded.

Both Jack and Rose looked at you intently, not really buying it.

"Is that your name?" Rose asked wearily.

"No" You answered honestly, "But I can't tell you my name. I'm sorry." You told her and once again looked at the Doctor. He hadn't said anything yet.

"What do you mean you can't tell us your name? Why?" Rose asked.

"Because he's from the future Rose" The Doctor finally said, climbing down from the ladder he was perched on when you burst in.

"Aren't you?" He asked and you nodded.

"You're from my future" He said and you smiled almost sadly.

"Inquisitive as ever Doctor" You told him.

"I should go" You said, slowly turning around.

"Wait, if you're really from the future how come you were so shocked to see us? Don't you know us? Like, the future us?" Rose asked.

"He can't tell you anything Rose, it could put the whole timeline at risk" The Doctor said.

"He's right, I really shouldn't even be here. I thought this was my Doctor's Tardis coming to finally pick me up."

"Finally? How long have you been here?" Jack asked.

"About three hours" You told him.

"Does that mean there's another version of the Doctor wanderin' around Cardiff right now?" Rose asked and you chuckled a bit.

"No, we had a bit of glitch—" "With the timezone processor?" The Doctor asked.

"I can't tell you that" You said but he smiled at you with the cheeky little smile that only this face must have because you'd never seen it before and you sighed, "Yes with the timezone processor".

"What's a timezone processor?" Rose asked.

"It's what keeps all occupants of the Tardis in the same time bubble in flight" Both you and the Doctor said together, the two of you looked at each other.

"It's going to be your fault you know. You don't check the timezone processor enough and at some point it's going to act up. I want you to remember me saying this when I see you again. It's your fault" You told him but your voice held no malice, quite the opposite, it was loving teasing and both Rose and Jack could tell.

"I'm gonna go meet Mickey at the train station" Rose said and she grabbed Jack with her as she left. Leaving you and the Doctor alone but not before looking at the Doctor one last time, smiling and giving him a big old wink.

With just the two of you left the Tardis was quiet except for the soft whirring of the engine as it fueled up.

"How do you know what a timezone processor is?" The Doctor asked.

"I can't tell you" You said.

"When are you from?" He asks.

"I can't tell you that either" You repeat.

"Then can you tell me why you're looking at me like that?" He asks.

You step closer to him and gently cradle his face in your hands.

"I've never this face before" You simply say.

"What are you to me?" He asks.

"One day you'll find out. One day you're going to look at this face and smile and you're going to call me brilliant and when you do you're going to remember this and who knows, maybe I'll see this face again" You told him and kissed his cheek.

The wheezing sound of the Tardis landing could be heard faintly from beyond the wooden doors and you smiled widely.

"See you soon" You said and turned around, walking out to hopefully find your Doctor waiting for you.

Outside the Tardis stood another blue police box with the door open and the Doctor stood outside.

"There you are! We've been looking all over for you!" He said. His face was covered in oil and grease.

"Did you fix the timezone processor?" you asked.

"Eh, eventually" The Doctor said.

"And was it sparking because of a loose wire from when we crashed on Auros?" You asked, admittedly somewhat condescendingly.

"Yes" The Doctor mumbled and you rolled your eyes.

"I told you to check it" You said as you walked inside. The Doctor closed the door behind you.

"Y/N" He said, calling your name and you turned your attention from the Tardis console to him.

"Yes love?" You asked.

"Have I told you that you're brilliant?" He asked and you smiled.

"Not recently, no" You said.

[makeithappenandreal]

If Donna stayed the Doctor's companion Part 2:

12th Doctor: *trying his best act* Look, Donna, So I am with monks now, I don't care about the Earth or your people...

Donna: You know I can tell the type of breakfast you had today from looking into your eyes at this point , right?

Donna: So wrap your acting up, we have an afternoon tea arranged at Jupiter after we get this monks out of the Planet.

12th Doctor: Can't you just play along for once...

-

12th Doctor: I can't tell Donna that I am blind! She will fuss over me!

Nardole: You need to tell her! How can you hide it?

12th Doctor: Trust me, she will not notice one single thing.

Donna: *the second she walks into TARDIS* You are still blind, aren't you?

12th Doctor: Oh for Time's sake...

_

11th Doctor: So, River is Amy and Rory's daughter and she is also my wife as well... Does that mean Amy is my in law?!

Donna: She can berate you Like a child at any time. Living my dream for real

_

Donna: ...

12th Doctor: Not another word-

Donna: WORLD PRESIDENT LOL *bursts out laughing while pointing at him*

Donna: UPGRADE FROM TIME LORD VICTORIOUS THO

12th Doctor: Oh hell.. *puts his head on his hands*

_

_

War Doctor: We are surrounded by knights, we need to do something to escape!

11th Doctor: Oh there is no need to espace. Watch. Donna?

Donna, from the portal: YOU STUPID SPACEBOY WHERE IN THE EARTH ARE YOU AND I AM COMING THERE TO KICK YOUR IDIOT ASS TO SPACE

Knights: *run away in true terror*

10th Doctor: It's like we never left...

_

12th Doctor: *after turning up on the coffee shop Donna's relaxing* So, remember Davros?

Donna: ... Of course I do.

12th Doctor: *laughing nervously while thinking how he fucked up* So Guess what...

_

10th Doctor: *getting married to Queen Elizabeth*

Donna and 11th whispering aggressively behind* : - I cannot believe you did not mention you were married to QUEEN ELIZABETH! -.OBVIOUSLY i diDN'T KNOW!-

_

12th Doctor: So this is Gallifrey!

Donna: I thought it was Space Eden or something from the way you described it, this is just red sand. Like literal Azirona has more eccentric places than here.

12th Doctor: ...i sincerely want to believe I will be able to impress you one day because this is killing me.

_

Donna: So...

12th Doctor: ...

Donna: Why did you kidnap the president's wife?

12th Doctor: Oh, Heaven, you had a conversation with Missy, didn't you?

Donna: I literally have enough material in my hand to embarrase you for at least one regeneration, yeah.

Missy: She is my favorite.

_

13th Doctor: *steals Donna's coats every once in a while and does not give the clothes back*

Donna: *rants to her about that but secretly loves it*

_

12th Doctor: Clara, please be rational and give the TARDIS keys to me.

Donna: *whispers to Doctor* Not to interrupt an emotional moment but she does know you can just snap your fingers and get into TARDIS doesn't she?

12th Doctor: *shakes his head slightly*

Donna: Also that I have an extra key...

Donna: In fact I have a bowl of them because you like the noise the keys make when you drop it in there

Donna: But I guess this is what we are doing because you like to see people in angst. Okay.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

the thing is. why bring Rose back for this finale. she didn't particularly do much other than standing around and looking pretty. I assume there'll be more of her for the second part. I stand by my original assertion from the star beast that it doesn't make sense that she can just 'give up' the alien DNA she was born with. my point back then was that it would be fun if she could regenerate, and ended up becoming the timeless child herself, thus making the Doctor's entire existence a very fun paradox AND also canonizing the 'half human, on my mother's side' line from the 8th doctor's movie (my beloved) (because Donna was only half human whether she knew it or not).

HOWEVER.

all the susan-baiting is really getting to me. I want our weird little granddaughter back. they canonized the fact that the Doctor doesn't actually know who her parents were. and I REMEMBER. that Susan's original gallifreyan name was Rose. well, their language's equivalent of it. that's how Rose Tyler got her name, it was meant to be a cute little easter egg, the first classic companion and the first new who companion sharing a name. so walk with me. the weird girl daughter of Donna Noble, who grew up on earth but never fit in there, who has the Doctor's DNA woven into her being, and access to a yardis, and can in this scenario regenerate...coming across a younger version of the her father/uncle, introducing herself as Rose (which translates to gallifreyan, I really don't feel like looking up the spelling rn I'm sorry it started with an A), the doctor can recognize her- as family, he thinks, not knowing its a spark of him, their shared mind. she knows about how risky spoiling the future would be, she doesn't know if he has siblings and he looks older than she's ever seen him, so she says she's his granddaughter instead of his niece. daughter. him. she's part time lord. she lives longer than her human family. the Doctor is all she has left and she wants to be with him even if it isn't a him that knows her yet. she's heard the phrase 'timey wimey' before, and she's a smart and careful girl. she finds she doesn't fit in on gallifrey any more than she ever fit in on earth. the Doctor knows exactly what that feels like. they travel. when her human friend renames her Susan, she likes it a lot. feels like when she changed her name the first time. freeing, empowering, becoming. feels like the new name fits her new life better. Rose has a long dead family but Susan has her grandfather. the part of her that is her mother and father, though, still craves human connection. the love and fascination with humanity that she inherited from the Doctor is still there. she tells him all about humans and he takes her to visit them more and more to humor her. she ends up fostering his love for earth that will one day define him AND lead to her creation. she accidentally coins the name tardis the same way the doctor will accidentally invent a banana daiquiri a few centuries too early. he just thinks she's creative and silly. a very dear child. odd and bizarre to her classmates at school, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was the first time around. sometimes she even goes to see a younger Wilf. he's somehow exactly how she remembers him as an old man. she's so grateful they're in the 60's though, because if she ever has to look into the eyes of a Donna Noble who didn't know her, she thinks she may actually die. but the Doctor- he IS enough. he is still part of her, part of her mother, even if he doesn't realize it. she can't help but worry over his health, even knowing he lives long past this, because she got so used to helping his older self in his retirement. she knows him better than he knows himself. she'd do anything for him, and she knows he'd do anything for her.

she just never thought leaving her was something he'd do, though.

[morganas-pendragons]

ache | fourteen

this got away from me sooooooo quickly, I hope you like it!

The first time you met him, he didn't have to tell you how old he was. You were well versed in reading people. In distinguishing those hidden details between the lines, between the cracks of the person, and recognizing the little things no one else could bother to care about.

You knew he was old. You didn't know he was forever. You didn't know that he'd been running for so long that he'd never allowed himself to learn how to stop. To plant his feet in one place, to inhale, to exhale.

You didn't realize how much he craved you. How he craved you like the oxygen he has not breathed in since Gallifrey. Since the last time he allowed himself to simply exist without having to flee to the next destination.

The Doctor. The man who keeps running, because he dare not look back.

But with you... when he left you...

Oh, he did. You just didn't know.

Kate Lethbridge-Stewart found you in the aftermath of the Doctor's departure. You were sitting on the park bench where the TARDIS had last dropped you off, knees drawn to your chest and eyes blankly staring at the spot in hopes the box would materialize.

It never did. Every time you sat here and thought about it, about him, your chest ached so badly. Like it was seeking the oxygen it had been deprived of.

She'd sat beside you and waited until you turned your head to acknowledge her, "Whatever it is, I'm not interested. I'm waiting for a friend to come back."

There's so little hope in your voice. You know he's not coming back. You know, but you hope, because The Doctor can ease that ache in your chest and breathe that air back into your lungs.

You wish you hadn't been so impressionable. He'd flashed those marvelous brown eyes and that charming smile. That was all it took.

And when he'd laid those bleeding hearts in your hands, you'd let the blood run through your fingers and held them close to your chest. You'd protected them. Cherished them.

And then you'd thrown them back in the TARDIS. Left to fend for themselves. Left to bleed again.

The ache just won't go away.

"Your friend is a notorious runner," Kate remarks. "The likelihood is slim. However, I do have an opportunity for you that you could consider.. where he may show his face sometime soon enough."

You heard her out. She told you about UNIT, about The Doctor and his involvement, and you took the job when she offered it to you.

You saw him from afar multiple times after that. You never saw Ten again, but Ten would see you, parking the TARDIS out of sight multiple times before he changed faces because just seeing you eased the ache in his chest that had settled there when you were gone.

Then the one in the tweed with the bowtie. He was clever. Sweet. Kind. You saw him several times. Marveled at him from afar.

The ache got a little bit easier to deal with.

Then the next one. So much older. Older and angry and lonely and so, so ready to give up. That companion who'd gone with him sought you out the first time they came to UNIT together. Almost like she recognized you.

Turns out, Clara did.

"Hi," You turn to acknowledge the younger woman from your spot at your desk and smile warmly. "My name is Clara. Forgive me for the intrusion, but I have to ask you something."

"Come on in," You wave to the open chair with an empty hand and settle your tablet on your desk. You'd been reading up on the Doctor and all UNIT had gathered on him since you'd joined. There was a lot to sift through. "What can I do for you, Clara?"

"I thought you looked familiar. Then I remembered," She reached into her pocket and pulled out an old photo. You froze instantly at the sight and leaned outward to inspect it. "He's got a picture of you on the console."

It's definitely you. You and Ten and Donna, weeks after you'd joined them on the TARDIS, wrapped in your parkas and Ten in his trench coat on the Planet of the Ood.

"That is me," You whisper. Clara softened as you ran your fingers along the edge of the picture, turning it over to read the inscription on the back. That's Ten's handwriting. It's not yours. It reads, When the ache was gone. "I used to be just like you. I was so..."

Clara waited. She waited, but your voice never came, because then she was saying, "I just wanted you to know something. He talks about you. He hasn't done it a lot, but you're the only one he's got a photograph of on the console. I see the way he looks at it. And he's mentioned you a few times. The Doctor told me once that he's been in pain since you've been gone. And I don't think it's going to stop."

And then she's gone, and you're on your own again. She didn't even leave you the photo. She just leaves you to collect your thoughts and the fact that The Doctor has not been able to move on from you.

Silent tears track down your face. You would give anything to touch him. To hold him, to run your thumbs reverently under those ancient eyes, and just... tell him how loved he is.

But you can't.

He keeps running away.

***

He stops cold when he sees you inside of Unit HQ. You're standing there behind Shirley, so beautiful, and so very alive. He's only just come back from Soho.

From the Toymaker. From the nightmare, from the constant reminding that he failed you, failed them, failed all of them. All the ones who died.

"We hired Y/N as a liaison. Turns out hiring your companions has proven to be quite beneficial. They are something of experts, after all."

And then there's Mel, and it's all just too much because there are so many people in this room who love him. He doesn't deserve that love. There's too much weakness in this room. His hearts are bleeding everywhere and The Toymaker knows his weaknesses.

The Doctor will not let the ache infect him again. Not when you're standing less than three feet away from him for the first time in fifteen years.

You have no time to react before he's in front of you, and you can smell him, and he's everywhere and his fingers are lacing with yours.

Something shifts inside of your chest.

"I have so much to answer for," He murmurs lowly enough only for the two of you to hear. "And I know there's no universe in which you don't hate me for what I did-"

His whole affect shifts into something of despair when you step forward to fill the gap between you and grip his chin between your thumb and finger. There's so much pain in those eyes now. Pain from inevitable losses, pain from what he's done to you, pain from existence.

You just want to take his ache away. If you're going to do anything with the precious amount of time you two have, you are going to take those bleeding hearts back into your hands and fix them. And then you are going to hold him.

You are going to hold him with your bloody hands - because when does anyone who is ever associated with The Doctor not have blood on their hands? - and refuse to ever let him go.

It makes your ache less. It makes your pain less.

"There won't ever be a single instance in which you could make me hate you," You admit. "And you will have all the time in the world to tell me why you made me leave."

"The Toymaker. He... He preys on weaknesses. He will know. He always knows."

And it's on that moment that you see something you almost never saw with his Tenth face: Fear. He is terrified. That unnerves you.

Without thinking, you stand on your tiptoes and cradle his face in your hands as you kiss his forehead. It's tender. Reverent. Mel and Donna try not to gape as The Doctor leans in closer and remains there until you pull apart.

"Then don't let him," You say firmly. "And you go out there and you win."

***

"I'm all sonic and Timelord. Take that away... what am I? What am I now?"

Donna is reminded of one of the earliest trips she'd ever taken with Ten. Among the very first where she'd realized that he had fallen in love with you. There's faint memories of Pompeii, of the aftermath, when you'd followed The Doctor into the console room after he'd stormed in there asking the same question.

That time you'd answered him with all the gentleness she answers him now, "Take that all away, and you're still a good man."

The few moments that you get alone with Donna give her the opportunity to fill you in on what she'd learned from being inside The Doctor's mind. She tells you about Eleven and Twelve and Thirteen, about the ones who died, about The Flux. You hear all of it.

What makes the ache unbearable is the fact that when Ten died, he died alone. And that's the worst part.

Because you'd broken your promise that he'd never be alone again. Despite the fact he'd forced you out, you'd failed him.

And now here you stood.

"Hey," Donna's hand rests on your shoulder as your eyes flicker over to the Doctor, who now stands mere feet in front of the Toymaker. "You'll be with him soon enough."

Seconds after she says it, the air is pierced by a scream as the galvanizing beam activates, and it is shot straight through The Doctor. Mel's hand is going white from how hard you are gripping it.

"I played one game with the first Doctor, the second game with the second Doctor, and I will play the next game with the next Doctor!" The Toymaker exclaims boldly.

You don't realize you're the one screaming until the beam turns off.

He falls to his knees. The last time he'd done that that you had seen was when you walked out of the TARDIS. Defeat. Resignation.

You wait for the regeneration energy to appear. You're about to lose this face, again, and there's not a single thing you can do about it. Not until Donna's voice speaks up again and shouts, "He's not dying alone!"

"You can do what you like to me," You're speaking before you can stop yourself. "But I'm going to be with him. I keep my word. And I won't fail him again."

Mel nods her confirmation to both remarks. You steel your expression as you pursue Donna and Mel toward the Doctor. You cannot be falling apart right now. The ache is not allowed to consume you when it is him who is about to die, to change, to become another man.

Everything in the world around you disappears when you meet those eyes. Those kind, sad eyes that have always looked at you with such reverence and devotion. Those are the eyes of a man who you would burn the galaxies and all within it if it gives him some peace.

The words are on his tongue, so ready to be said. The ache has made the weight of keeping those words to himself unbearable.

He knows though. In that moment, he knows. He will love you eternally. No matter the face.

"It's okay," You say confidently. "It's okay."

"It's not dying."

"But you're going to be someone else." Mel interjects. The Doctor's eyes travel between the three of you. His former companion, his best friend, and his love. "It doesn't matter who. 'Cause every single one of you is fantastic."

He meets your eyes head on, and you rest a singular hand between his hearts.

"Here we go again," He murmurs. "Allonsy."

***

There are two of them. Two Doctors. The older one, the newer one, wears something you've never seen on The Doctor. He wears the mark of acceptance. Or peace.

Probably both.

But the way he looks at you? Oh, the way he looks at you. It's like he knows something that you and the younger Doctor don't know. When The younger Doctor and Donna approach the newest Doctor after the Toymaker is defeated, you stay behind to let them have their moment.

Until Fifteen looks back and motions you forward the second Fourteen's head falls into the crook of his neck. He already knows. He already knows, and he’s asking you to come step in. To be his sanctuary.

You suck in a breath and approach, bridging the gap between The Doctor and Donna to tenderly run your hand up his spine. He can’t see you. He can’t see you, but you can see him, and his entire being trembles at your touch.

“How many people died?” Fourteen asks again. You swallow the knot in your throat and meet the older Doctors dark gaze, to which he winks at you and gently turns his younger self around so that way his face is buried in your neck instead.

“They’re right.” You whisper, threading your fingers through the hair at his nape as he pulls you impossibly closer. The older Doctor presses a finger to his lips and tugs on Donna’s arm to give the two of you a moment of privacy. “It’s not your fault. None of this, none of the ones who died, are your fault. You want to know why?”

He allows you to lift his head from the crook of your neck. Your fingers trace the curve of his jaw until you’re cupping it in your hands, and the urge to kiss him until the ache disappears has never been stronger.

The Doctor asks with such a hesitation that is so unlike him, "Why?"

And it's then that you realize: For all the time this lonely harbinger of death and destruction has existed, when was the last time he stopped? When was the last time he lived?

"Because we choose to. We choose you. There were so many of us, so many of us who wanted something better then the simplistic life we get here on Earth."

The Doctor shakes his head. "Humans are not and have never been simple-" You press a finger to his lips and quirk a brow, playfully daring him to continue.

"You come and urge us away in that brilliant little box of yours with promises of a better life. An exciting life. Regardless of the dangers to ourselves, we always take it, because of you. We take you in all that you are even when the Oncoming Storm dares to rear his ugly head. Ancient. Timeless. Infinite," You tenderly run a thumb under his eye. "You love so much... but don't let yourself be loved in return. You don't let yourself be thanked. That's why. We love you because you're selfless, because you're you."

The Doctor hates how wrong you are. He wants to believe those things about himself, but he is by nature a selfish man.

"You are too good to me." He whispers in your ear, lips brushing your temple. You hum thoughtfully and reach under his vest to playfully squeeze his hips.

"Because you're deserving of goodness too, my love."

In the doorway behind you both, The older Doctor smiles. This is exactly the thing, the people, that his younger self needs to heal from all that damage. All that pain and loneliness.

And eventually, he too will wear the mark of peace that this new body has been granted.

***

"Do you know why I think this face came back? So you could stop. So you could come home."

The Doctor has been absently sipping at his drink for the greater part of thirty minutes as he basks in the sunlight and the joy from the group gathered around the table. Mel is just barely leaning into him, enough for her warmth to seep through the fabric of his shirt, and Donna is grinning brightly as Rose tells the story of when The Doctor took her to Mars.

In the distance, Wilf's shotgun goes off as he misses yet another mole attempting to emerge from its burrow.

It is the most peace he's had in millennia.

"Hey," Donna's voice softly calls from his left as she nudges his side with her elbow. "Where did you go?" Ten had this blank look of devastation and haunting that he wore quite often when she'd ask him a question about his past, or about where he'd come from. He lived in his memories. Memories about Gallifrey. About his companions.

This time though, it's you.

Before he can properly reply to Donna, there's a voice shouting from inside the house. His brow furrows. All of the family is outside. So who-

"Donna! For God's sake, why does your house have little to no counter space? There's only four of you! Where am I supposed to put this food?"

The Doctor sucks in a sharp breath. "Is that-"

"Don't worry, I didn't say a word," Donna assures. "But yes. Now go."

She says it with such demand that he has no choice but to trust her and stands to his feet. The Doctor wiggles his toes in the damp, warm grass and takes his empty glass inside to refill it.

There you are. Right there, in all your splendor, muttering curse words under your breath as you work to create space for the desert you'd brought at Donna's request. He's at a loss for words.

That's a first.

"Donna, if you're just standing there gaping-" You whip around and lift an accusatory finger, eyes wide as The Doctor's gaze flickers down and back up to yours playfully. "Doctor."

"Hi."

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd have flown away by now."

Be brave, Doc. Be brave.

Your eyes follow the path of his hands as one comes to rest on your jaw, then the other, until you find yourself drawn impossibly close and only mere inches from his lips. "Between you, Donna and my older self... Think I figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

The Doctor's fingers tangle in your hair then and tip your head upwards. "Why I was coming home," He whispers. "The long way around."

The sigh of relief that escapes from both of you as the ache finally, finally leaves makes all of the pain worth it. All the heartache. The loneliness.

It's all worth it if he gets this.

"I love you." The Doctor murmurs as you pull apart. The smile that rewards him could rival the brightness of Gallifrey's suns, and he thinks he might be able to do this kind of life after all if it means he gets to see that smile. Forever.

"I love you too." You reply, resting a single hand on his chest. "The ache..."

"What?"

"The ache." You breathe. "It's gone. Guess I must've needed a Doctor to fix me up."

Donna turns her head to gaze at the open kitchen doors as laughter pours through, and The Doctor emerges with you carried on his back. You take your place in his lap easily enough once he sits down.

Yeah. The amnesia.. the missing years, the adventures... It had all been worth it.

Those bleeding hearts that have spent millennia broken still beat, messy stitches holding as they take their rest within their cage.

Healed. Fixed.

No longer aching.

[quite-right-too]

Do you know what kills me about The Runaway Bride?

The fact that Donna's appearance in the TARDIS happens literally minutes after the Doctor just said his final goodbye. Just imagine it from his perspective.

The woman you love so much that you subconsciously changed your entire anatomy to be perfect for her; all of the characteristics of the ideal partner integrated into you because it's Rose and why wouldn't you want to give the best. You barely get a couple minutes to say goodbye to her, now locked in a parallel universe that you know cannot safely be opened enough to bring her home. You don't even have enough time to say I love you before the breach closes. You're crying and you're grieving, but only for a couple minutes. Just enough time to move the TARDIS into the Time Vortex. Suddenly, this loud ginger woman in a wedding dress impossibly appears in your console room. You just lost your best friend, your partner, your everything. And now you have to get back into action to save humanity again without getting the time to really handle this loss.

Don't even think I forgot the dialogue and even the scenes where we actively see him upset while thinking of Rose. Everything reminds him of her and it's like the universe is trying to rub it into his face.

(Donna grabs a blouse that is hanging over the railing.)  DONNA: I knew it, acting all innocent. I'm not the first, am I? How many women have you abducted?  DOCTOR: That's my friend's.  DONNA: Where is she, then? Popped out for a space walk?  DOCTOR: She's gone.  DONNA: Gone where?  DOCTOR: I lost her.  DONNA: Well, you can hurry up and lose me! How do you mean, lost?  (The Doctor takes the blouse from Donna and throws it through a doorway.)  DOCTOR: Right, Chiswick.

DOCTOR: Trust me.  DONNA: Is that what you said to her? Your friend? The one you lost? Did she trust you?  DOCTOR: Yes, she did. And she is not dead. She is so alive. Now, jump! 

DOCTOR: I spent Christmas Day just over there, the Powell Estate, with this family. My friend, she had this family. Well, they were my-. Still, gone now.  DONNA: Your friend, who was she?  DOCTOR: Question is, what do camouflaged robot mercenaries want with you? And how did you get inside the TARDIS?

What about when Love Don't Roam is being sung by the singer at the reception, and all the Doctor can do is reminisce sadly about him and Rose. Also, Love Don't Roam was written specifically about TenRose canonically so...

DOCTOR: I'll sort it out, Donna. Whatever's been done to you, I'll reverse it. I am not about to lose someone else. 

Or how he decides he's gonna kill a bunch of children because he's hurt and not thinking clearly. He needed Donna to snap him out of it. DOCTOR: My home planet is far away and long since gone. But its name lives on. Gallifrey.  EMPRESS: They murdered the Racnoss!  DOCTOR: I warned you. You did this.  EMPRESS: No! No! Don't! No!  EMPRESS: No! No! My children! No! My children! My children!  DONNA: Doctor! You can stop now!  EMPRESS: My children!  DOCTOR: Come on. Time I got you out. 

DONNA: That friend of yours. What was her name?  DOCTOR: Her name was Rose. 

And let's not forget that in Turn Left, Donna's alternate universe that Rose finds her in shows what would have happened without Donna there. The Doctor actually kills himself because he couldn't stand to be without Rose. HARRIS: The Doctor is dead. Must have happened too fast for him to regenerate. Escort the ambulance back to UNIT base.  (Donna walks on. A blonde woman runs towards her. She speaks as if her top lip is glued to her teeth.)  ROSE: What happened? What did they find? I'm sorry, did they find someone?  DONNA: I don't know. A bloke called the Doctor, or something.  ROSE: Well, where is he?  DONNA: They took him away. He's dead. I'm sorry, did you know him? I mean, they didn't say his name. Could be any doctor.  ROSE: I came so far.  DONNA: It, it could be anyone.  ROSE: What's your name?  DONNA: Donna. And you?  ROSE: Oh, I was just passing by. I shouldn't even be here. This is wrong. It's wrong. This is so wrong.

Just him mourning breaks my heart every time.

[aboutcustardcreams]

Part two

part one

She sees right through me

Can't express how much I loved writing down this chapter. I got carried away, and here's the result. Hope you enjoy it :3

word count: 4000 ish

A pregnant silence fell in the TARDIS right after those simple words slipped from your mouth. A small confession, merely the tip of the iceberg that still was able to cause quite a shock. 

The Doctor’s voice is barely above a whisper when she asks, “so you come from Gallifrey?” 

Of course you did, but she needed to be sure. From the moment she laid her hand upon your chest, she had known. A sound so very familiar to her echoed to her ears, against her palm. It was slightly accelerated, yet in perfect harmony with her own heartbeats. 

Thump Thump Thump 

You nodded your head, and glanced at her while her eyes were still fixed upon your chest. She swallowed hard and blinked a couple of times, as if to find the strength to pull away from you and come to terms with this unexpected revelation. All this time she thought she had lost her family, her people, and yet you stood there, very much alive, and like her. Like a bolt from the blue. She didn’t even know what she was feeling: relief, happiness, fear, confusion. Probably all the above.

You give her a glimpse of a smile, and bow your head just a bit so that you can meet her hazel eyes. “Are you alright?” 

Your voice kinda worked as a wake up call. She nodded quickly and pulled away. One single step back still felt like she had just put an entire ocean between you two. “Of course. I’m great, me. Over the moon.” 

Yaz lightly scoffed at that, clearly having none of it. 

She was lying and it was so obvious. You licked your lips and hummed in thought, suddenly having second thoughts. What were you thinking? Why were you doing this? She had her life sorted out now and was content with it. She wasn’t alone, you had to remember. She had Yaz. And they seemed happy. Complete. You couldn’t just burge in and then what? Disrupt her entire existence? Make her remember you? 

“Are you?” She later questioned, noticing your state of trance and sudden quietness. 

Blinking repeatedly, you waved your hand dismissively, “Sure thing. I’m always fine,” you blurted out. 

“You’re both terrible liars,” comes from Yaz in the background. Her tone is serious yet veiled with a layer of fondness. She found herself thinking that perhaps hiding and …lying was a Time Lord’s thing. 

You let out a sound between a huff and a chuckle. Brief and bitter. The Doctor stirred her lips in a grimace, “I mean, I’m quite shocked if I’m honest. But I’m happy to know you survived the war…” There was honesty in her voice, but also a veil of awkwardness in her movements. She was telling the truth. On one side, she was eager to get to know you, but on the other, she was terrified. 

A lump formed in your throat. “Only because I wasn’t there when it happened,” you stated, somehow a bit ashamed.  

The Doctor frowns at the sight of your features dimming. You’re suddenly wishing to have been there too, to help, maybe? To die? To do something that wasn’t lying in a jail’s cell for an insane amount of time. It wasn’t that easy to read what’s going on inside your head, but the Doctor was trying because you intrigued her. The funny thing was, she only needed a brief physical contact to know it all, a connection she could gain by touching your temple. But it wasn’t her place to pry. 

“Where were you?” asked Yaz cautiously. 

You licked your lips and swayed a bit, shifting your body weight from one foot to another, “Ah– you know,” you looked up at her, voluntarily avoiding meeting the Doctor’s eyes, afraid of what you might find in there. “Prison is not as bad as they think. It’s a tad boring, food isn’t great. It’s slimy, but all in all, it kept me alive.” 

The Doctor’s hearts ached for you. “I’ve been in prison,” her voice came out firm, despite the clear emotion in her eyes, “so no, I don’t believe you for a second. Prison is terrible. It’s lonely. Cramped and quite smelly. Days go by and you feel powerless, useless. You lose yourself in places like those.” 

You swallow at the firmness of her tone. A tear slides down your cheek. She was right. It had been Hell to you, but you managed, you had no other choice. Her eyes softened; drawing closer she reached out a hand to wipe your cheek. You shivered. Oh- how you had missed this. Was it embarrassing to admit you had been touch starved? That the last time you hugged someone was when the Doctor was still with you? “And you–” she trailed off, “something tells me you didn’t deserve to be locked up.”

You lifted your chin and met her eyes. Your smile didn’t reach your ears as you muttered, “what gives?” 

“Can’t explain,” she replied. “It’s a feeling. My gut is telling me there’s good in you.” 

You hummed softly. “Is it because I saved you and Yaz?” you mused, eternally grateful for the hint of a smile she was giving you. 

She chuckled lightly, “You got ten points for that by the way. Plus, you’re our friend now. Isn’t she, Yaz?”

Yaz smiles so genuinely, the dimples on her cheeks showed up. “Absolutely.”

Friend. That was something, wasn’t it? And it didn’t even take much to get there, having started as a total stranger. This version of the Doctor made her look like a cute and loyal golden retriever. Playful, friendly, a bit of a dummy sometimes and always ready to contribute. You never thought you could love the Doctor more than you already did. Perhaps it was a good idea to start over, build your friendship from scratch. Could you do that? Definitely. For her, you’d open up the galaxies. Staying in the shadow was pure bliss if that meant breathing the same air again. 

“But you still have to explain how you know our names,” she adds, arching an eyebrow at you. There’s playfulness in her eyes and in her tone. 

You chucked, “I s'pose I have to.” 

“The TARDIS let you in. And if she did, it means…”

You looked around you, a nostalgic light brimmed in your eyes. You still remember the day you and the Doctor stole this spaceship. The euphoria of having conquered something only yours to use, had been thrilling. Originally, the TARDIS belonged to the Division, but it was damaged, and for that reason, left in some kind of stock with other rubbish and mechanical supplies. But you and the Doctor fixed it, after a couple of months, or years, it didn’t even matter to you, because you bonded like nobody else. And when you two started traveling with it, nobody noticed the TARDIS’ missing, simply because it wasn’t one of the Division’s official spaceships. 

“She knows you,” Yaz continued. The lights of the TARDIS flickered from bright yellow to a warmer hue of orangish. It suited you, that light. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, and hummed softly, feeling the warmth of the TARDIS as a velvety caress on your skin. 

“You’re very perceptive, Yaz. I get why the Doctor likes you so much,” you teased, with your eyes still closed. The Doctor’s cheeks turned into a darker shade of pink. 

Yaz opened her mouth to reply, but her words died down in her throat before she could even think of what to say. Was it so obvious that the Doctor liked her? And that she liked her back? Even for someone that has just met them? Apparently so. 

The Doctor stared at you, all of the sudden a tad bit uncomfortable. To possess such a knowledge meant being exposed and vulnerable. And the Doctor hated to feel that way.

“You talk as if you’d been spying on us.”

You squint your eyes, as if all of the sudden, the Doctor started speaking another language. “Not spying,” you objected. It was frustrating to stand there and be treated like you couldn’t be fully trusted, whereas in the past, you had been the sole trustworthy one. You stiffened and took your hands out of your pockets. “My intention all along was to make sure you were okay. It’s all I ever wanted.” 

The Doctor thought for a second. A wave of guilt flashed through her eyes, as those softened, “can you tell us why?” 

You hesitated, looking back at her like a lost puppy. “I don’t think it’s right,” you muttered, voice broken. Your eyes mirrored the confusion of the Doctor. “This was a mistake, I shouldn’t have–” you felt dizzy, frantic. Your voice trembled as much as your form while you spoke. 

But the Doctor wasn’t having any of that. “No, hey, it’s okay–” she cooed, her hands coming resting upon your shoulders, in the genuine attempt to reassure you. She mentally scolded herself for having been so pushy, without giving you proper time to collect yourself. Your hearts were beating so fast she feared you were on the verge of a panic attack. “I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t trust you. I know I can. You helped us and I can’t simply brush that aside. It’s just…” she paused, briefly glancing at Yaz, whose gaze was encouraging. “Yaz and I have been through so much lately and I can’t help but worry about a new danger lurking in the shadows. Ready to catch us unprepared. But you’re nothing like that. Quite the opposite, I think.”

The TARDIS buzzed softly. Yaz couldn’t understand what she was saying, unlike you and the Doctor. She figured by the small giggle that slipped from your lips, that the TARDIS said something funny or accusing aimed at the Doctor. 

“She acts like she knows you well” she later reasoned, “And if she does, it means–” 

You inhaled sharply and hesitated, averting your eyes from her to the tip of your boots. How could you sum up everything in a few words? How could you look into her eyes and tell her you had missed her for entire lifetimes. 

“Tell me, please…” 

Yaz watched you nibbling on your bottom lip. The emotion veiling in your eyes was raw, as if spilling those words out would mean putting salt over a freshly open wound. “Can I tell you something, Sage?” She muttered kindly, reaching up to you. Feeling her standing by you, you turned your head and nodded wordlessly. 

“I learned my lesson the hard way. Hiding my feelings from the Doctor thinking it was the best choice,” she muttered, with a tight smile. “And even if we can’t have what we’d like to share, for all kinds of reasons, I don’t regret for one second having told her how I feel,” a tear slipped down her cheek at the confession. You blinked slowly, trying hard to swallow the lump that just formed in your throat. Her pain was very similar to yours; she was in love with the Doctor and even if she couldn’t have her the traditional way, she was willing to stay by her side for as long as time would grant her. And that was enough. 

The Doctor’s eyes turned glassy too. She pressed her lips in a thin line, nodding slowly, almost mechanically, “I can’t really tell my hearts what to feel, because they are so full of love for Yaz. I vowed to protect her and to stand by her for as long as I’m allowed to exist in this body, and even in the next if she will have me,” Yaz smiled at that. “I can’t give her what she wants, nor what she deserves in matters of human relationships simply because I’m not a human. Time will catch up on me, eventually. And when that moment comes, it will hurt.” 

Bravery is knowing something will hurt and doing it anyway. A wise person once told the Doctor. 

You thought for a moment. It made sense, in a way. Their relationship didn’t need any label, simply because it existed beyond any of those. That was, in your opinion, the most beautiful confession of love. The truest manifestation of it in its purest form. Yaz wasn’t ready to let go of the Doctor as much as the Doctor wasn’t ready to say goodbye any time soon. Never been good at goodbyes anyway. And Yaz, oh– she was brave. Probably the bravest human you’ve ever met. 

Does it still count if you said she is the first one? 

“That’s to say…” Yaz continued, placing a hand upon your shoulder. “That whatever you feel you can’t tell the Doctor, in truth you can. Plus you owe it to yourself. There’s nothing worse than living a life filled with regrets and what ifs.” 

“I know, I understand–” your lids fall shut for a second and when they reopen, the Doctor is met with a pair of puffy and red eyes. It only took you a second to crumble. But you allowed no tears to wet your cheeks. Not yet. Not ever if you could help with it. It was too soon anyway and if you started tearing up now, then it would be impossible to keep talking and make sense of everything. 

“But I think,” you blinked, and forced a tight smile, “I need a cuppa. Don’t you want a cuppa? My throat is dry,” you rambled while the Doctor and Yaz exchanged a curious glance. 

When you started moving towards one of the corridors, as if you knew every path like the back of your hand, the other two followed behind, calling out your name. “Do you even know where to go?”

You hummed in thought, “Should be here, right?” The Doctor realized you weren’t talking to any of them, but with the TARDIS. The blue box buzzed and lit up a series of lights to guide you over the kitchen. A grin curled up your lips, “I thought so, thanks,” you continued, “Second door to the left and then right and then– oh,” you come to a halt when instead of the kitchen you find a cozy library, “Is this new?” 

A pang of nostalgia hit the Doctor in the stomach at the sight of the room. She leaned against the doorframe and stared at the slouchy couch in the middle of the room. Everything smelled like paper and leather in there. 

“The TARDIS made this room for one of my friends, she was a teacher.” 

“Clara,” Yaz whispered, and she nodded her head. 

“Oh,” you gaped, in awe. “It’s beautiful. Love a good book, me. And there are plenty of them here,” you commented quietly. “The kitchen used to be here, so I presume it moved elsewhere. Maybe next door?” 

“Sage, wait, please,” the Doctor grasped you by your wrist, before you could flee away from her again. Her fingers curled around your skin, that felt warm and incredibly smooth underneath her fingertips. You sighed, but listened to her. You didn’t even like tea, to be honest. You were more of a coffee type of person. The Doctor would know if only she remembered you. “The TARDIS knows you, she let you in, and you act like you have known me forever, but I have no memories of you. Only recently I found out what the Division did to me, taking away from me a speck of a life I didn’t even know existed, nor how big that was. And when I look into your eyes, I feel drawn to you in a way that feels both terrifying and right. And I’m not saying that just because you’re a Time Lord. I kind of feel all my past regenerations, those I have no memory of, were there with you. Am I wrong?” 

You promptly shake your head. No, she was hardly ever wrong about a thing. It brought a small smile upon your face, that somehow eased the Doctor’s hearts. You sniffed and adhered your palm against the corridor of the TARDIS, “We fixed her together. It was challenging, but so much fun. You were still working for the Division at the time. I wasn’t. Never did. You couldn’t share much of the things you did for them and with them, despite wanting it so much. I think I asked everyday,” a watery chuckle escaped from both yours and her mouth. It felt like a sense of familiarity was coming back to her. You loved it. “You were always so patient with me. No matter how insistently I kept asking you what you were up to with the Division, you never let a single word slip out,” she hummed, still smiling softly at you. It did sound like something she would do. Especially to protect those she cared about. “Eventually I stopped asking and respected your privacy. And now, thinking back to it, I’m so glad you never told me anything” you bowed your head as the Doctor listened to you in reverent silence. Same did Yaz. You couldn’t hold yourself anymore, and tears started spilling down your cheeks at incredible speed. Your breath hitched. 

The Doctor’s hands came cupping your face, her fingers getting wet with your tears. “Sage, it’s okay…” She looked at you with a pair of eyes that held nothing but affection and comprehension. You sniffled. “If you had told me, they’d have wiped my memories too. They chose prison, instead. There, I had time to think. So much time. I erroneously used to believe you had been blessed with memory loss because at first I was suffering so much. You can’t miss someone if you don’t even know that they exist, right?” 

Yaz’s heart tightened in her chest at your words. She had thought the same thing once. She regretted it later on, but that thought still had crossed her mind once or twice. 

“Then it hit me. I couldn’t live a life, believing it was normal to think a person so special like you never existed. The thought of you kept me going. Doc.”

The Doctor’s chin quivered. She gasped helplessly, and blinked repeatedly to ward off the tears clouding her visions that kept streaming on her face. 

Her hand slid from your face to your shoulder, then reached out to your hand, hesitantly clasping it in hers. She took in a long breath, “for how long?” 

At first you didn’t understand, so you frowned. How long, what? 

Anguish dimmed her features. She started to question her own decisions of keeping her past in the past and you being there was one of those reasons. You suffered her absence, while she kept on living her life like you never existed, never mattered, never touched her hearts. And that was wrong. Cruel. Because you did. She could feel it. Maybe you had another face back then, surely she had too. But that didn’t matter. You were still you in your hearts. And so was she. It was exactly why you never stopped looking for her.  

“How long have you been in prison? How long have you missed me? How long have you suffered because of me? How long have you been searching for me? How long have we known each other? How–” The Doctor was frantic. And you were taken aback by her outburst. So was Yaz. She couldn’t stop talking. Rambling. Panicking. 

Perplexed and rather shocked, you opened your mouth to say something, but you couldn’t master a single word out of you. The Doctor kept asking you questions over questions. She was mad, not at you, but at herself, at the Division, at whoever did this to her and to you. It always ended up like this. In the end a life with her meant only pain and suffering. 

You stumbled backwards, a wave of dizziness at you. Yaz caught you, “Doctor, calm down…” 

“Calm down?” She almost laughed. “How can I calm down, Yaz?” 

You cleared your throat, and then advanced towards her again. “It doesn't matter anymore. I’m here now,” you lifted your hand, allowing it to cling to her coat. 

“Except that it does, Sage,” she insisted, eyes wide open. You held your breath. “Just tell me, how long have you been in prison because of me.”

You inhaled sharply. “Not because of you,” you argued, the determination in your eyes didn’t falter, despite your voice coming quite faint. “Never because of you, you hear me? I’ll not let you take the blame.”

“Please,” the Doctor wasn’t one to beg, yet here she was now. 

You dropped your hands over your hips. “About seventy years.”

Yaz’s face turned white, “Oh God-” she muttered under her breath. 

The Doctor’s mouth twisted into a painful grimace. It felt like she had been run over and over by a train. You didn’t come here for that. You didn’t mean to add to her sense of responsibility. 

“Doctor, that’s nothing for a Time Lord and you know it. We are immortal.”

She snapped, “doesn’t mean we can or should endure everything!” 

It had been unbearable for her to spend about thirty years in prison, but unlike you she had hope. If it hadn’t been for Jack rescuing her at some point, she would have lost her mind. The thought of her fam waiting for her, remembering her, kept her hoping. What hope did you have, instead? What kind of foothold did you have for yourself? 

“Doctor, it’s okay,” you insisted. 

“No, it’s not okay! Don’t tell me it’s okay when it’s not!” 

You gulped and moved your hand from her coat, up to her cheek, where another tear was slipping down, thick and warm. “Fine, it’s not. It was not. It was pure Hell. But I resisted. I never gave up because I knew sooner or later I’d have found you again. And I did. That’s the only hope I ever needed. It was enough for me.” 

Reluctantly, almost fearful, the Doctor eyed you through her wet lashes. “I’m so sorry I don’t remember you,” she pursed her lips and you smiled at her sympathetically. You took a step closer to her. It was your turn to be strong, your turn to reassure her, to tell her that it was okay, because truth be told, it really was. 

“Hey,” you lifted her chin by placing your finger underneath. She sniffled and closed her eyelids to get rid of those itchy tears that kept welling up in her eyes. “I said, hey,” you playfully nudged her arm,  and she chuckled. Yaz was chuckling too. 

“Hey,” she said back, smiling with her eyes. 

“I’m here now, am I not? If you’ll have me, I can help you remember who we were. No pressure at all. Or,” you rolled your tongue behind your teeth, “we can start over, I’ll become your friend from scratch. New me, new you.” The Doctor was considering it, motionless. It’s not that she didn’t want to be your friend, because she wanted to. more than anything she wanted to know you, but at the same time, she couldn’t deny the fact that you knew her deeper, and better than she would ever know herself. 

Maybe that’s what she wanted too. All in due time. You saw her silent request in her eyes, as a free pass to do your next move. Stretching out your arm, you smiled politely at her, still adding a hint of silliness in your tone, because that’s who you were, “Hiya. Nice to meet ya. I’m the Sage. And you are?”

The Doctor couldn’t help but chuckle heartily at that. She could accept that for now. Like Yaz had accepted traveling with her despite knowing it wouldn’t be forever. That’s what love was. Effort, sacrifice, every single day. 

“I’m the Doctor, and that over there is my friend, Yaz,” she smiled and squeezed your hand. 

You nodded your head, happily, “Nice to meet you too, Yaz.” 

“Likewise, Sage” she chuckled, wiping her tears with the back of her sleeve. 

“Can we have that cuppa now?” The Doctor asked, her voice still thick with emotion. “Isn’t it how we welcome the Fam?” 

“It is,” she agreed, walking past you. In the moment, she brushed your hand with your fingers. 

You grinned, and before she could disappear in the kitchen, you scrunched up your nose, “I actually hate tea. Can I have coffee instead?” 

The Doctor draped an arm over your shoulder, while Yaz nodded her head, wordlessly. 

The Time Lady scooped you a bit closer, her smile widening, as you let out a surprised giggle, “I’m glad you found me.” 

“Me too” your cheeks flushed with the colors of hope, the exact same colors she was proudly showing off on her tee. 

Hope, what a beautiful thing to hold on to.

[waffowo]

While Donna Noble will always be my favourite companion in NuWho, Clara will always be the most multi-faceted and complex (as of now). I think that a lot of divisiveness surrounding Clara stems from 5 common criticisms:

1. Clara’s characterisation in 7B and how Moffat treats her mostly as a mystery box first and character second.

2. The length of Clara’s tenure and how some may have been fatigued due to the many times “she should have left.”

3. The emphasis on Clara’s flaws in Series 8 and how it kind of paints her as unlikable over her Series 7B depiction as at least kind.

4. Clara’s departure in Hell Bent as something that ruins her ending in Face The Raven.

5. The belief of Clara as the most important character in the Doctors life inherently devaluing other companions.

I think while I can understand the reasons leading up to these criticisms, I also think that it does help to look back throughout the Moffat and RTD era as it does help explain a lot of these points imo.

Actually, the character Clara most prominently echoes is Rose. Rose, like Clara, helped the Doctor through a time of extreme emotional vulnerability (for 9th, Time War trauma) and developed a relationship of co-dependency with him (as 10th) which never really went away even after Doomsday. Clara had the luxury of time however, and has undergone more events with the Doctor (Impossible Girl, Trenzalore, 50th Anniversary etc) but also how 12th was undergoing an extreme identity crisis of figuring out whether he’s a good man post-Trenzalore and saving Gallifrey. Clara was the one who facilitated his character growth through the turbulence of the arc in instances like Dark Water, Death In Heaven, Mummy on The Orient Express, Kill The Moon, Last Christmas etc and would naturally result in the Doctor developing an extremely unhealthy reliance on Clara as being his “carer,” his anchor to being The Doctor (refer to her whole “Be A Doctor” spiel in the 50th Anniversary). Series 9 already heavily implied the Doctor’s willingness to engage with destructive measures by choosing to separate Clara and The Doctor almost every episode (Magicians Apprentice/Witch’s Familiar) as the stakes rose and cumulated in Face The Raven.

RTD has also once said when paying tribute to Moffat:

“And nestling at the heart of the show is Doctor Who's very own problem category, the Companion, a title inherently subordinate to the Man. Until Clara comes along!”

Imo, while poorly phrased, I think does also hit another nail on the head to explain how Clara can be so compelling to someone like me but also extremely polarising. RTD is talking less about the companion being “weaker” or “submissive” but how Clara is the NuWho companion that wishes to obliterate the boundaries between the power dynamic of companion/doctor. Series 8 for instances plays on the recurring motif of, “Do as you are told” which the Doctor firstly uses to threaten Clara to keep her safe. However, Clara actively retaliates by parroting the phrase back in an attempt to attain parity. This escalates to the events of Dark Water where she attempts to maintain control of her circumstances by forcing the Doctor to be on equal ground with her. What is so fascinating is that Clara while changing and emulating more of the Doctor’s heroism, she equally begins to absorb his flaws which intensify throughout Series 8-9. Clara becomes more deceitful, egotistical, reckless and cunning as she begins to become more and more like him. The means she lies to Danny, her ability to think more and more like him.

However, what people (fans and haters) also ignore is how nuanced the circumstances are. While Clara’s flaws become more heightened, it is also a fact that she wants to be like the Doctor because of his kindness and heroism. Episodes like Robots of Sherwood, Last Christmas or even Rings of Akhten reveal a lot about how Clara reveres the Doctor as a mythic and heroic figure. Clara’s attitudes towards the children in Forest Of The Night, Name Of The Doctor and Into The Dalek reveal that in spite of her ego and selfishness, she is someone who desires to help people. Thus, her desire to become the Doctor becomes more explainable. What a lot of people can’t really accept is that she can be both egotistical, reckless and kind at once. Her actions in Face The Raven were driven out of the fact that it came from a place of ignorance and impulsiveness (not stupidity, the Doctor would do something similar, it’s just that Clara did not have all the clues) in what she believed would be what the Doctor would do and that she was confident she could match the trickery of the Doctor, and yet it was also driven by her compassion towards Rigsby and her while impulsive, sincere desire to save her friend.

Clara is punished because of this, she forgets that she’s far too human. The Doctor is less breakable. She pays for it and as Ashildr says in Hell Bent:

“She died for who she was and who she loved. She fell where she stood. It was sad. And it was beautiful.”

She died due to her physical fragility, her ego, her ignorance, her impulsiveness/recklessness and yet she also died because she was too brave, she died like the Doctor, who she loved (literally look at how her arms were outstretched as though she was mid-regeneration and how the black smoke parallels the orange glow of regeneration). However, this leads to the fourth main criticism I prior stated, so how does one answer that in relation to her character?

The answer is what Clara does and what the Doctor says towards the end of Hell Bent. Clara after being extracted and is with the Doctor in the TARDIS, spies on him because she is instantly suspicious of his erratic behaviour. Again, Clara shows how much she has become like him, she immediately picks up that he is hiding something because she has begun to think like him. Of course, the Doctor was planning on wiping Clara’s memories similar to what he did to Donna. But what does Clara do? She immediately reverse the polarity of the device that the Doctor was going to use on her and challenges the Doctors actions. Clara states:

“Tomorrow’s promised to no one, Doctor. But I insist upon my past. I am entitled to that. It’s mine.”

Clara’s language indicates her assertiveness and also a kind of last hurrah in her game of parity. She is refusing to submit to the narrative of being reduced to merely a companion that the Doctor moves away from. But more importantly, the Doctor after pressing the device and is losing his memory, states:

“Run like hell because you always need to. Laugh at everything, because it’s always funny (…) Never be cruel and never be cowardly. And if you ever are, always make amends (…) Never eat pears. They’re too squishy. And they always make your chin wet. That one’s quite important. Write it down.”

I think on initial viewing when the show was airing, this wouldn’t make much sense but this really shows the crux of how Hell Bent completes Clara’s arc and the necessity of her resurrection. In Face The Raven, the Doctor tells Clara that she’s more breakable as she questions why she can’t be as reckless as him. However, now the Doctor is instead telling her what would later be repeated in Twice Upon A Time, his regeneration speech. In his eyes, Clara has succeeded in graduating from the Magicians Apprentice and into becoming the Magician herself. He’s instructing her how to properly be The Doctor. As I said, Clara was also motivated by her desire to be kind when she engaged in her reckless gambit but what is so wrong about the desire to be kind? And why should Clara be punished for it? Thus, while Clara MUST die, her final act of kindness at the end of her arc enables the Universe to allow for Clara’s final transformation into the Doctor.

Clara is still dead, it is an unchanged historical event. However, to challenge the status quo and allow for Clara’s ascension, Clara becomes a fairy tale herself. Her body is caught in a permanent form of stasis, signalling her departure from the limits of her physicality (subverting her physical fragility) but also as seen through her last words to the Doctor:

“You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become songs.”

Clara has successfully become what she admired, a myth, a fable. She has become a symbol in a story, a story that would go on to have an infinite number of other stories. She has become the leaf she raises to the monster in the Rings of Akhten, she sails off into narrative ambiguity but also infinity. Clara is so polarising because she challenges the definition of what it means to be The Doctor on a pure metatextual level. It’s a logical progression from the introspection of the question from the Doctor himself in Series 8. To want to resist, I argue, is natural.

I could explore further about her adrenaline addiction in Mummy On The Orient Express or these traits I raised explored in Flatline which I may do another day, but I hope I have provided a new perspective on Clara Oswald.

[creelkobblelaufeyson69]

Old face/old feelings

Warnings: smut and angst

Y/n had tried moving on from the Doctor; the feelings, and just the thoughts about him. They believed it would help ease the pain, but so many things they owned reminded them about their adventures through space and time with him. Their dreams filled with the adventures as well. They just wanted to forget all of it

The last thing he told them, they wanted to forget, but failed many times to do so. “I’ll come back for you Y/n. That’s a promise” he told them all those years ago while peeking out of the Tardis. They believed that lie, and now here they were laying on the guest bed of the Noble’s place since their house mysteriously collapsed

Y/n weirdly enough had a sneaky feeling something like that would happen, so the day before they managed to pack everything up safely. It had taken them as a bit of a surprise when it happened, but once going through all the shit you go through with The Doctor, you get desensitized to bizarre shit like that

Speaking of bizarre, someone was rushing upstairs to where they were. They got up, and now stood up to take on whatever was coming up. Y/n knew it wasn’t any of the Nobles since the family knew better to just randomly pop up in the guest room. Soon a creature with big eyes had appeared, and behind it was him

“Meep meep” Beep the Meep says as it approaches them. It goes over to hug their leg as if afraid of The Doctor. “Y/n?” The Doctor starts in confusion. “What the hell are you doing here?” He asked as they stood there in shock. “Meep Meep” they looked down at the Meep as it now looks up at them

“My house exploded…” they started as they now looked back at him. “Oh, I’m so sorry” he said as the Meep lets go of their leg, and went onto their bed now. Y/n stayed silent as they had waited so long for the two to see each other again, but they felt angry

“You’re a lair by the way” they started, which makes him shocked. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for you?! Shit, I wouldn’t have cared if you hadn’t looked the same, because you’re still the person I loved all those years ago” he listens intently as the rest of the Noble family comes up

He looks at the family as Y/n felt tears leaving their eyes now. “You have no clue how much I wanted to find a way to communicate with you, but I didn’t since I thought you’d be quick�� but you clearly had better plans, huh Doctor?” Beep the Meep felt bad for the human now

“Would the human like to sit next to the meep?” Beep the meep asked them. They looked at the Meep, and nodded their head. They go over to sit next to the Meep as everyone was watching this. “Oh great, there’s a party to seem in this fucking mess…” they begin to sob as they held onto the Meep. “There, there” the Meep comforts them as The Doctor walks towards them

“Y/n I didn’t want to lose you. You meant too much to me to let that happen to you. I also thought about you endlessly as I traveled, but I’m here now, and I promise you I won’t leave you behind” They looked at him once he sat down next to them. “You broke the last promise Doctor, how am I supposed to know you won’t break this one?” They asked him

“You know that ring you wear…?” He asked them. They nodded their head as they stopped hugging onto the Meep to look at the ring. It was a Gallifrey ring he gave them on the last trip the two shared. “Did you perhaps know that your house was gonna explode the day before it had actually happened?” He asked them, and they quickly nodded their head as they kept staring at the ring

“That ring can help you easily avoid danger” they looked at The Meep. “It can also make an enemy be friendly if close by” he adds as they stood up now. He does the same as they find themselves backing away from the Meep. The Meep looks confused now. “Y/n, why are you going away from the Meep? I don’t bite” they found themselves quickly greeted by the wall behind them

“Can someone explain to me what the hell is going on?!” Donna asked as The Doctor stood next to them now. “I kinda never left your side” he says as he looks at them. They looked at him now as he takes out the sonic screwdriver. They admired the new look of the sonic. “Isn’t it stunning?” He asked them as he makes a cage for the Meep

“Yeah” they said as they hadn’t stopped looking at him. The Meep’s true colors were able to show now, and it was pissed off now. “Is someone coming to get the Meep?” He asked them, which makes them nod their head. “That’s excellent!” He kisses them on their lips now

“Come on Donna, let’s leave these two alone” Donna’s mother says as the two start walking downstairs again. Rose and her dad left as well. Once they pulled apart, they smiled. “What is it?” He asked with a matching smile. “She’s gonna be fine- Donna. She’ll remember everything, but she’ll live” they said as tears started to leave his eyes

“So you give out spoilers too?” He jokes, which makes them smile wider. “It’s happening downstairs. You’re just not present for it” they pointed out as two armed aliens show up. The Doctor was about to look, but they made him look back at them. “It’s okay. They know we mean no harm” their lips go onto his neck as they begin to leave hickeys

“Erm… Y/n, there’s people here” he points out as his face goes red. “Don’t worry sir, we’re quickly leaving now” one of the aliens said. Once the two were completely alone, they stopped leaving hickeys on his neck. “You have no clue how much I like you Doctor…” they start as they begin to strip

“I think I have an idea” he says as they discarded their graphic t shirt. He starts to discard his clothes now once realizing this was definitely happening. Once they were naked, they go over towards their bed, and find themselves lying near the edge of their bed. They begin to touch themselves as they waited for him to get completely naked

Once he was, he approaches the bed. “I’ve waited too long to do this…” he starts once he was close to the edge of the bed. He looks at their wet pussy, and just went ahead and lifted up their legs: spreading their legs open now, and soon his cock was in them

Their head arches back now as a moan escapes their mouth now. He had let out a moan as well as he starts to thrust now. “Oh, Doctor” they moaned out as their eyes go to the back of their head. His hands were grasped firmly on the edge of the bed. His head throws back now as moans continued to leave him

“Oi! Keep it quiet up there!” Donna shouts, which makes the two both smile. He stops, since he didn’t want to upset Donna who was clearly back to being herself. He had pulled out, and placed their legs back down. “Sorry about that darling, but we’re gonna have to continue in the Tardis” he says as he starts to get his clothes back on

“That’s fine” they said as they got up to get their clothes back on as well. Once the two were clothed again, the two find each other cuddling on the bed. “So where to first?” He asked them. “Anywhere” they answered as they find themselves fallen asleep. He notices, and smiles. He kisses their forehead, and then stares at the ceiling wondering why this face had come back

[casasupernovas]

thing is.

the doctor in series 3 is a lot more complex people give him credit for.

when he gets mad at martha at the end of 'smith and jones' it's not because he's offended at her flirting, annoyed at her insinuations, 'how dare she'. no. he's mad because she sussed him out, right down to the blue suit.

in 'smith and jones' the doctor has a clean slate, he has reinvented himself. and this version has no baggage.

this doctor hasn't got a brown suit it's blue, this doctor is flirtaious, romantic, even does the 'honourable' thing of making sure she knows the kiss he will give her means nothing. she won't get attatched that way when he sacrifices himself to draw out the plasmavore.

but this doctor is also a bit callous, he's excited by the thrill and danger, dimissing very real distress from people around him in favour for the facts. he only pulls himself back upon his conversation with martha.

in fact, it's no coincidence the kiss happens after martha commemorates the dead, her old mentor.

the problem is however, martha is too clever, too observant, too confident to completely be won over by this entirely. when he tells her he is the doctor, just the doctor, at first she refuses to call him by this. he has to earn it. sonic screwdriver? lol, got an electric spanner too? she asks if he has help because surely he didn't come to this hospital because he thought something was wrong on his own?

that's why he says stuff like this. he's like why are you poking holes in the illusion. i'm *this* person now, don't take me back to my reality.

but he's not quite done. they both could have died on the moon but she saves his life so, he gets another chance. incomes the reinvented doctor part two. [you can argue the doctor always knew they would make it because martha told him she saw him in a moment that had happened for her but not yet for him.]

so part 2 commences but he's turning it all the way up because he wants her as his companion.

so he's smooth talking her, but even then she's still not letting him get one over on her. "not pompous at all." so better turn it up some more, and he time travels, a 'cheap trick' to impress her more.

until his newly formed version of himself gets a hole poked in once again after martha inadvertantly makes him remember rose. and he clams up, decides it will only be one trip in a pretty aloof, defensive and abrupt way. shuts down any path that could lead to something more, testing to see if she can do the same - "i only go for humans" - she can and away we go. he's racing about the tardis back to semi-normal and they are off.

it's why he's so having mood swings all throughout 'the shakespeare code,' flip flopping between annoyance and dismissal at her questions, she's ruining how it was supposed to go in his head. she wasn't supposed to ask *this* many questions, she was just supposed to be impressed. but she went and reminded me of rose so this can't work now, it's gonna be one trip. but then flipping back to this need to impress and to just fall back into step to how they were, running around and having an adventure. how he's supposed to be.

and he decides i don't want this to end. im extending the trip. but yet again martha pokes another hole - his home. but the doctor holds onto the pretense for as long as he can. he doesn't just say "we can't go to my home and please don't ask me why because it's painful." he just lies. and this pretense now takes on a new form, because it directly references rose with choosing new earth. see, he starts by reminiscing on gallifrey when he describes it to her then chooses someone else to reminisce on. rose. all with little regard to how martha would feel about being used in this way. but unfortunately for the doctor, this takes a dramatic change for the worse as taking martha here directly leads to her abduction.

now, despite martha's olive branch after the death of the face of boe, the doctor still doesn't tell her the truth. until she sits down, and really hones in on his lies and the people of new new york began to sing for the dead. and the doctor looks at martha, the human, listening to the humans commeorate the dead. and tells her the truth. that he lied because he liked it. because he could pretend. pretend that his reality was not true. he was not the last timelord.

intriguingly enough, by the time we get to the lazarus experiment, the doctor seems determined to play out how the story was supposed to go. yet again disregarding martha's feelings. find a new companion. travel for a bit, then bring her home safe and sound. and not one year later. no ties, a nice thanks then goodbye. no heartbreak, no tears. but he comes back. because he doesn't want it to end yet, offers her another trip. and here goes martha again. telling him he needs to be clear in what he wants right now. he's not someone who can just breeze in and out of her life without a second thought. is she his companion or is she a passenger?

and the pretense is over. mostly anyway, and the doctor is at his mlst vulnerable due to the circumstances of '42' and by its end, it's like a refreshed smith and jones.

but now he doesn't feel the need to lie, he's not fully there yet. but he's more comfortable, he doesn't need to pretend.

perhaps too comfortable.

[roxannepolice]

One of those "one moment you're toying with an idea, next you realise it makes way more sense than the author ever intended" things, but-

Like, between rolling eyes at Fifteen claiming he would recognise Susan everywhere after a score of not recognising the Master when they're right in front of them and Tensimm junkyard sniffing, I think RTD's handling of Time Lord recognition of each other makes a whole lot more sense once we ask ourselves a simple question:

Is the Ainley!Master situation the norm or the anomaly?

Ok, considering his run was the longest, he did in many ways establish the "norm", and that norm is a Santa Claus beard seamlessly fooling three consecutive Doctors. But, if instead we look at earlier interactions things get a bit more complicated.

The Time Meddler may not be very definite on the subject, but One isn't, like, completely and utterly confused at who the Monk is, and the conversation between them flows rather seemlessly, like between two countrymen meeting abroad, and that a good deal before the Doctor sees the Monk's TARDIS. Next, regardless of whether War Chief=Master or not, the point still stands: he and Two recognise each other the second they meet. But it is with Threegado that things get really interesting. For all that Delgado!Master loves dress ups, these are not actually used at the Doctor. Like, correct me if I'm wrong, but there is no scene where the Master shows up in cheap ass plastic Graucho Marx eyebrow-glasses-moustache set and Three starts congratulating him on A Night at the Opera, at least not in the strict tv canon?

What I'm driving at, is that with this established history of Time Lords being able to recognise each other on sight and no direct contradiction in Threegado, Fivey consistently falling for the Master's Halloween aisle catwalk comes off as less to be expected.

But here's the thing: there's a very good explanation for why Ainley!Master would be harder/almost impossible to recognise for the Doctor. His Trakkenite body.

As in, this particular Master has a different biology not only from any of his regenerations, but from any other Time Lord. Add just a bit of psychic shielding, and, like. Cheap rubber masks become much more efficient for a species where visual recognition isn't really an evolutionarily stable solution.

Again, this is me just poking at canon and canon showing little resistance, but this interpretation also sheds a different light on how Three and One interact with the Master in Five Doctors. Three can just tell who this Mephistopheles-Blofeld lovebaby that showed up on Gallifrey is, because it's pretty much the same style he spent so much time with (and not relying mainly on visuals does not mean being completely face blind yk). One, on the other hand? He has no idea who this Trakkenite smelling hottie is.

**

Now, there are two important implications of this non-visual based interpretation: first refers to the Rani dressing up as Mel right after Six regenerates into Seven. Now, this in its own right is an interesting contrast to Five, also in post-regeneration stress, because where Seven at least gets fuzzy impressions something's off about this Mel, Five is just blissfully unaware mr Santa the celery juice bringer might be anything but just that. The second implication regards Eight, who's back on track of recognising the Master - and that a new snatched body Master! - on sight. And well, sorry, this is just where my crack brain kicked in. I'll just share the visions of the Rani rubbing Melanie Bush's sweat all over herself like some musky perfume and Seven breathing in the Master's ashes like Napoleon tobacco to the point Eight can tell the distinct Master smell regardless of biology 🤌🤌

[mintyimperiatrix]

so wild theory time but what if the Master is Omega's son

ok hear me out because that sounds insane but i think it kinda works? cause first off we know now thanks to the Timeless Children that the Doctor is the daughter of the Other(/Tecteun). the Other is a scientist and explorer and while their morality's differ to the extreme the Doctor does, on the surface level, adopt these traits from them.

we also know that the Doctor, in their first childhood, had a friend on Gallifrey. a friend with no name. a friend who... accidentally killed her during a fight. i know i'm not the first to say that the kid on the cliff is the Master but it's a good starting point

so then we get to Omega, someone who was friends with the other two Founders and yet easily the one who's life we know the least about, at least from before he was chucked into a black hole. he wasn't an explorer like Tecteun, he was an engineer. he wanted to build his own things, be famous for his achievements and use them to obtain godlike power but when his usefulness ended he was thrown aside by Rassilon. does any this sound familiar?

All of those traits are shared by the Master.

lets cut to the End of Time real quick. the Master builds a device to bring Gallifrey back into the universe, allowing the next 'ascension' to take place (before the Doctor broke the machine) but when his moment of glory was about to come Rassilon, like Omega before him, threw him aside. obviously this is all pretty circumstantial and doesn't actually prove anything but then there's this exchange earlier in the episode

"Two Children of Gallifrey" could just be a poetic way to refer to two random Time Lords. except we know it doesn't, because the Doctor isn't a random Time Lord and even if the average Time Lord doesn't know that the Matrix Does. so if the Doctor is the daughter of one of the Founders then she is (almost) literally a 'Child of Gallifrey'. take the same idea and apply it to the Master and logic dictates he would be the child of either Rassilon or Omega

i think the most interesting part happens after that though, when the Time Lord dude refers to them as 'the Enmity of Ages' (which would be an amazing name for a band just saying) and Rassilon immediately knows that this means the Doctor and the Master. the only time we've seen him meet either of those characters before is in passing during the Five Doctors. it's easy to infer that he'd know the Doctor from their role Time War but the Master? he didn't fight in the war, he mostly refused to work with the Time Lords during the War and then hid himself as Professor Yana when it got too much so why would Rassilon, who has only seen the Master once when he was tied up on the floor in the body of a Trakenite, know that the Master was the other half of the Enmity of Ages?

you Could say he learnt of the Master's reputation during the Time War but i frankly don't think he'd care about that? so to me at least it feels like the best explanation would be that he's met the Master before, way back when he was first President. and the reason he's so disgusted by the Master, the reason he finds it amusing that the Doctor's 'final act' is the murder of Gallifrey is because he knows who these two are. he is staring at the children of his fellow Founders, realistically these two are the only people in the universe he might consider a threat to his power or his status, and much like he did with their parents he tries to use both of them before casting them aside but just like before they both come out the other end alive

also saying the Enmity of Ages to me infers a greater conflict than just that of two normal Time Lords. from any single character it would be just a dramatic phrase but this is directly from the Matrix itself, which knows all of Time Lord history, so they are a Big Deal

but now we skip to everyone's favourite episode: The Timeless Children (genuinely one of my favourite finales it gets such a bad wrap). we learn the Doctor has unlimited regenerations, or at least had unlimited regenerations at some point because whether they still do or not is kinda up to interpretation. it was the Doctor's biology which allowed the Time Lords to unlock the power of regeneration, however the Other limited the number of regenerations to 12 lives when giving it to the rest of the population. i think Tecteun's presence in Flux implies that she never limited her own regenerations and you could probably say the same to Rassilon's, with that being his secret of immortality.

now in the episode the Master claims that Tecteun took the ultimate sacrifice by testing the raw ability on herself, but suppose she didn't. suppose she had another test subject first. suppose she promised one of her friends that his son, the best friend of her own child, could become the first Time Lord to receive the gift of infinite life. suppose then that Omega, wanting glory for himself and for his son, agreed to this and allowed Tecteun test her discovery on the boy, who was then granted an endless cycle of regenerations to match his friend's. from there Tecteun, now knowing the ability would work, put into herself, into Rassilon and into Omega before limiting it to a dozen lives per person and spreading it out among the population.

it's a lot of inference i'll admit but it would add a good few extra layers to these lines:

and this of course opens the door to the possibility that other character's we've met of cryptic origin with seemingly impossible knowledge but too dark a morality to be the Doctor could be the Master instead. characters like Lee Clayton or Gat (obviously not both at once) could be an early version of the Master. maybe Magus and Hazel from the Forgotten Lives books are also past versions of the Master. hell if you want to go wild maybe even the War Chief is the Master from before they had their memory wiped (but thats very unlikely)

also as i was finding the right screenshots and clips for this post i found these as well...

the way the Master refers to the Founders as 'our parents' (Tecteun and Omega being referred to as separate parents, as a Thoschei shipper i'm not touching the sibling theory with a forty foot pole) does make me wonder if he found out about his own past too but didn't tell the Doctor, not wanting to admit that he was the reason for the Doctor's first regeneration, the reason for Tecteun's torture and experimentation on her and the reason she could safely discover the ability for herself

so yeah who's to say that the Master isn't Omega's child who, like Tecteun's child, was captured by the Time Lords, regressed into a child, restricted to only 12 regenerations and robbed of all their memories. maybe he isn't any of that though. i mean maybe he is just a whiny crybaby who wants to be as important as his best friend. maybe he was the Timeless Child and the Doctor was the kid who pushed her. maybe he's actually Rassilon's child instead. who knows? not me!