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enhastolemyheart · 2 years ago

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ℂ𝕌ℙ𝕀𝔻 — SIM JAEYUN

PAIRING | bsf!Jake x reader (fem implied)

GENRE | fluff, f2l

SYNOPSIS | This summer, you and your best friend Jake planned activities every Saturday. Being his turn, he picked archery, but it was actually his plan to do something you never expected.

WARNINGS | profanity, kissing, jake being a tease, playing a sport(?), proofread but lmk if any mistakes.

WORD COUNT | 1.5k+

A/N | hey everyone!! I decided to write a Jake fic cause I haven't written one yet. Also cause the latest ep Jake jus pulled at my heartstrings. I wanna say thank you so much for 50 followers!! Here's a little 'thank you' gift 🫶. Reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated!! Enjoy reading!!

"Why are we doing this again?"

"Because my y/n, we did what you wanted last Saturday, and now it is my turn." He briefly glances at you, putting the car in park and turning off the engine. He gets out and opens the door for you. After you get out, you both make your way to the field that Jake, your best friend, rented for 6 hours.

This summer, you both actually planned to do activities that interests the other person every Saturday. Last week you both baked which was your choice. You made brownies which actually came out good, and you had them while marathon-ing a thriller series.

And for this week, he decided to do something related to the great outdoors. He's not going to lie, he initially thought hiking would suffice his idea but you for one, are not a hiker. You mean, you wouldn't mind hiking but you're incompetent at the sport.

So he decided to take the easier route for you and chose archery. You were actually interested. You took archery classes for a few months before the pandemic. But you had forgotten everything you learned. And now you were nervous to play, 'cause Jake was exceptionally good at archery.

You both make your way to the storage area where the archery and other equipment is situated. It was spontaneously windy and gloomy today. And the wind, as expected, is very cold. You fold your palms in front of you and try to blow some air into it. He looks at you before snickering, "cold?"

You hum and Jake shakes his head with a stern playful face on, "I told you that you should always wear gloves. We don't want your hands to freeze to death, do we? Whose hands am I going to hold if that happens hmm?" You mutter whatever under your breath despite your cheek feeling very hot, if he notices you were going to simply blame it on the strong weather. He scoffs before taking your hands in his, fingers interlaced, swinging it slightly between you both. You get the equipment needed like the bows and arrows (of course) stands for the target boards and then said targets.

You request to do a practice round first and your best friend obliges. When you see him shoot, you couldn't help but admire the way he focuses and plays the sport. His standee was jus like a professional, hands having a firm grip on the bow and arrow, elbow stiff and locked. You couldn't help but look at him in awe when he scores a 9. You also don't fail to notice the smug smirk plastered on his face, tongue sticking out just a bit. He punches the air before turning to you.

"Why don't you try now y/n?"

You give him a small nod before taking his position facing towards the target in the right stance. When you try and shoot, the power wasn't strong enough and the arrow only flies a few metres away from you. You place you head in your hands at the embarrassment, ear most likely tinted. He just giggle giddy-ly before coming closer to you, "let me help you, you're not shooting the right way."

He drops his bow on the ground before stepping behind you. "May I touch you, y/n?" Goosebumps run throughout your body. His voice was very close to your ears, indicating that he is standing very very close to you. You give him the green light and he plants his hands on the sides of your waist before twisting it gently to the right position, doing the same with your footing. You tells you aim the arrow at the target, pulling the string and keeping it there. He then adjusts your elbow. Your breath hitches as you feel his fingertips on your skin, feeling it's burning everywhere he touches.

After your position is set, you shoot and score a 7. Not bad for a beginner right? Jake immediately smiles even wider before giving you a high five. You giggle at him getting so hyped over you. You place a bet on whoever loses has to pay for dinner next time you have it together.

Time passes and you guys play head to head. Jake ends up ultimately winning, not that it surprised but it did In a way. You could just watch him play archery all day and all night.

He runs away from the target, punching the air in victory. You couldn't help but laugh at his antics, his competitive spirit showing. He runs to you and flicks your forehead, causing you to growl at him, "you are buying me korean BBQ next time." His face defines the definition of smirks and smugness and it's just everywhere you don't know how to escape it.

"I'm tired Jake, let's lay on the grass." He agrees with a smile. You make your way to the centre of the field, laying side by side on your backs. Jake has one hand under his head for support and the other resting on his side. You have both hands interlaced and placed on your tummy.

You stay like that for what feels like an eternity. Your mind keeps going to the thought of how your life would be if Jake was yours. How you wake up next to him every morning and sleep next to him every night. How cooking together would feel like, focusing on making the food right but still goofing around. How shopping with him will be, being a fashionable ace, you know that whatever outfit he picks for you would make you feel very pretty and confident. You desire to do all the domestic things with him. How kissing him would feel, considering he somehow symbolises the looks of Adonis, the way he can simply make your ears burn and heart flutter within a millisecond. He knows the effect he has on you and he uses it to his advantage, unbeknown to you.

"You know I have to tell you something." Jake breaks the silence. You turn to your side facing him propping on your elbow "oh yeah? What is it?"

He reciprocates your posture before clearing his throat, "Whatever I'm about to tell you right now is something that I've been thinking about for a long time. And a long time being since freshman year.

Y/n, I like you. I like you alot. The way you light up at the smallest things that excite you. The way your eyes glisten when you talk about something you're passionate about," He takes your hand in his and rubs his thumb over your knuckles. "When we were playing truth or dare with a bunch of random ass people and you picked truth one time, you talked about how a perfect confession would go. You said that when you get confessed, it would should be just you and the person. And that he should take his time ranting about why they want you and why a relationship would be a good choice.

I kept thinking about that little moment ever since it happened, and it icked me to confess to you sooner and I wish I did; but the fear of losing you even as a friend scared me," He leans in closer to your face, "I want you y/n. I want you to be there with me when I wake and sleep, cook with, learn together, to grow together, only you and me. Me and you. You're my favourite person y/n, I love you my y/n not just 'like', please my y/n, will be my girlfriend?"

Tears prickle your eyes as you watch him finish something he wanted to say to you for a LONG time now. Jake gets scared at tour lack of your response and he starts to panic, "Of course y/n, you don't have to say yes, or take how much time you want before you decide to answer. I will understand if you don't even want be friends after this but please know that—"

You were too impatient as he kept rambling on and pulled him for a kiss. He freezes before you but then when his mind alerts him that you are kissing him, he immediately closes his eyes but the second he is able to kiss back, you pull away. "I love you too, you idiot. What took you so long, hmm?" You swat at his chest and he just chuckles, swooping in to kiss you. You put a hand on the side of his neck and his slides to the side of your waist, pulling you in even closer as if the proximity right now isn't enough.

"Fuck y/n I love you so fucking much." He says as he pulls away, lips still lingering. You giggle and tell him that you love him too. It was like he was his own cupid to your heart, archery being the arrows. He leans is gives another peck, causing to smile brightly, resulting in him smiling like you do.

"Round two of archery?" You question as you sit up and look at him. He just looks like a happy puppy when you state the offer.

"Hell yeah! Get ready to lose my y/n!"

A/N | thank you sm for reading!! It means alot to me!! Reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated!! Please do feel free to share ideas if you'd like. Requests are open and so is the taglist!! Thank you again for reading, and I'll see you in the next one!

PEACE AND LOVE <333

perm taglist: @jak-ey ; @wanna-live-yn-life ; @snoowhore ; @hsheart ; @hsgwrld (bold can't be tagged; send an ask to be added)

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hsfan94 · 4 months ago

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You Belong With Me

AN: another older one from the drafts that I’ve finally found an ending for.

Y/n moved in with Harry back in 2016, after he discovered he couldn’t handle being alone for long periods of time. They had been friends for a little over a year and she was struggling to afford a place on her own in any of the three cities she worked in (NYC, LA, London), so they made arrangements to share his places. Y/n hesitated when he pitched the idea for a few reasons. For starters, he had been seeing Kendall Jenner at the time. She knew they weren’t doing anything more than “having fun”, Harry’s words, but she still thought it might be weird for him to live with one girl when he was sleeping with a different one. The other reason was that she had been in love with him, so getting more time to be domestic with him was dangerous.

However, not even a year into it she realized she worried too much. They were seldom at the same house for more than a week at a time with each other because they had different and busy schedules. She even asked Harry if it actually helped him and he said just knowing someone else lived there and seeing her stuff soothed him tremendously.

To tell the truth, she never expected them to still be living together years later. She always assumed Harry would eventually get serious with someone and give her an eviction notice. She held her breath every day the year he was with Camille. She kept expecting them to take that step as it was the longest he’d been with someone in the time she’d known him, but they never did. Camille was sweet and would never admit to it but Y/n’s pretty sure she played a part in their breakup. When she told Harry that Camille might not have been comfortable with him having a roommate he brushed her off saying, “We were at different points in life. We wanted different things.” She had trouble believing that after Fine Line came out.

When the pandemic hit they finally got to spend more time than ever together under the same roof and Y/n got used to it. She liked watching movies and tv with Harry. She liked cooking with him. They got very experimental in the kitchen. She liked going on hikes and trying at home workouts together. She even liked getting drunk and playing games, especially two person Twister. All of the things they did she liked, but what she loved was the fact that they felt and acted like a couple. One night the illusion had been so strong that they almost kissed! She’d be lying if she said she didn’t expect them to cross that line but sadly they never did.

When he came home to pack a bag in November, because he had to do a quarantine somewhere else due to someone on set testing positive, she felt the intimacy bubble pop. She could feel it deep within her that things would change from that day forth and they did. Two months later she found out he’d been sleeping with Olivia Wilde since October, which she’s not even sure how that’s possible, and they had been dating ever since. She was honestly shocked. She for sure expected this one to fizzle out faster than the rest but it didn’t. It kept going. What made her sadder was that they had hardly been in the same city the last two years let alone at the same house. So, she had just been waiting patiently for him to kick her out. He knew she could afford it now. The only thing that bothered her about leaving Harry’s house was the woman lined up to take her place. They weren’t right for each other.

Tonight was the first time in months Harry and Y/n had been at the same house. She had come to London to work on a project and he was there on a little break before his European tour started. They were staying at his place in Hampstead. It was her favorite for many reasons but one of those being that it was his first place he ever bought himself and it gave her insight to what he was like before they met. She should have expected to not be the only house guest he had but she was still thrown off guard when he came in, not alone.

The door slammed against the wall and voices bickered in the distance.

“I just don’t understand why you were rude to the waitress.” Her Harry spoke.

“She asked you for a picture. Why does it matter? They make a living wage here.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. She worked as a waitress for a couple years before her entertainment career kicked off and people that were rude to service staff were the worst kind if you ask her.

“God you don’t get it. It’s about being nice. And it didn’t bother me that-“ He stopped speaking when his eyes landed on his best friend cooking dinner in the kitchen. The frown that had taken over his face amid the argument turned into a bright smile at the sight before him. “Y/n! I totally forgot you said you were going to be here this week.”

He walked over to her and gave her a hug. Over his shoulder she saw his girlfriend shoot her a death glare.

“Yeah. I hope I’m not intruding.” She knew she was.

“Not at all. You live here. How could you be intruding?”

“Seriously?” It was muttered under Olivia’s breath but she knew they could hear her.

“What are you cooking? It smells lovely.” He glanced at the pots his friend had momentarily forgotten and ignored his girlfriend completely.

“Miso ramen with salmon and tofu.” She stirred the broth again and flipped the fish in the pan.

“My favorite. Too bad I already ate.” He seemed like he wished he hadn’t gone out with Olivia at all now. “Well, I’d hate to disturb your plans. We’ll get off to bed.”

He sauntered towards his pink stairs expecting her to follow him and she did so like a petulant child. Just before they reached the top Y/n heard her say, “Why is she here? Can’t she afford to live alone by now? She’s 26.”

Y/n was not offended. In fact, she thought that was rich coming from a 38 year old who was not only dating a 28 year old but acted like she was only 20.

Y/n thought with their retreat the night would be peaceful but shortly after they disappeared their argument got louder.

“I’m not doing this with you again!” Harry screamed.

She could only hear bits and pieces from both of them.

“Kick her out,” Olivia said.

“I don’t know what else you want from me. We’ve made it this far, isn't that enough proof?”

“How am I supposed to trust you?”

“Me!? Trust me!? You’re the one that was with someone else.” She had never heard him this angry.

After that she decided to put on music to tune them out. She had many reasons she didn’t like Olivia but the main one was the Harry she brought out. Y/n’s Harry was calm, easygoing, loving and happy but above all drama free. Olivia’s Harry was dark, angry, haunted and all over the tabloids and internet gossip. It might have had nothing to do with her and everything to do with their compatibility but either way it broke Y/n’s heart to see him this way.

~~~~~~~~~

The next morning she decided to put as little strain on their relationship as possible. She made them both breakfast and after they came down to see her plating the food, she told them to enjoy and made a swift exit. Before her escape she caught some glares and words from Olivia.

“This wont make me like you or fix our living arrangements.”

Even though she knew Harry would chew her out for it Y/n couldn’t help but let it get to her. She thought about the living arrangements comment all day and decided she should talk to Harry that night.

On her walk back to the house she remembered the day he proposed the idea.

“Live with me. It’d fix both our issues.” He had blurted out randomly amid her rambling about the state of rent prices.

“Won’t it get weird? Like if we have partners and stuff?”

“No. We’ll make it work. Come on, it'll be fun. Like we’re in university, I never got to do that.” He was persistent, she gave him that.

“Okay. But just till I can get on my feet or you find a replacement.” She winked at him and he laughed.

She had been joking about the replacement but now she feared he had taken her seriously.

Stepping off the tube, Y/n decided to take the longer, more scenic route to their house. As she walked she thought about the night they almost kissed.

Harry almost fell over trying to spin the wheel.

“Oi! Okay… It says right hand on green.”

Y/n had never been this drunk before. She chalked it up to wanting to keep up with Harry but now she regretted it as she was trying to remain in her twister position. Upon hearing his instruction she realized moving her hand to green would put them in quite the compromising position. She did it anyway.

“Hey there. Don’t get any ideas, love,” he said, peering down at her.

Her face was practically in his crotch.

“Don’t worry. I’m not interested.” She smiled up at him.

“Ouch.” He went to spin again but drunkenly lost his balance and fell on her.

“Oi! Harry! That hurt.”

They both laughed and when they collected themselves she became aware of how close they were. His hips were perched between her legs and she could feel his breath on her lips.

“Your eyes have a bit of green in them. I’ve never noticed,” he said. He brought a hand up to her face to swipe her hair away from her cheek.

“Yeah, they’re hazel. It’s like a cross between brown and green.”

He started to lean in and just when she thought they were about to kiss his head fell to her shoulder.

“Can we just sleep here? I don’t think I can get up.”

And they did sleep there that night. On the floor, tangled in each other.

She walked through the outside door of their house not even remembering coming out of the park or the rest of the walk. She had been lost in her thoughts. She was relieved that he was home alone.

“Harry?”

He was in the kitchen, at the island reading a book and drinking something out of a mug.

“There’s my favorite girl!” He turned to face her.

Her heart clenched and fluttered at his words.

“We need to talk. Is Olivia here?”

“No, she took the kids to the zoo.”

It made her uncomfortable that he was dating someone with kids because it made her think about him being a father to kids that weren’t hers.

“Okay cool.” She took the seat next to him, facing him fully.

Just as she was about to start his phone rang.

“Hang on.” He glanced down to see who it was and rolled his eyes. He got up and walked to look out the window as he answered. “What’s up, Olivia?”

Y/n wasn’t sure what had happened in the time she was gone but she assumed they were still fighting.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the zoo with the kids?”

She wished she could hear the other end but she just pretended to be busy.

“How did you forget it’s not your day?”

A bit of silence.

“No, I’m busy.”

More silence.

“Why are you still on that? It was a fucking joke! You’ve known me long enough that you should know that.”

More silence and then he shook his head.

“I’m not doing this with you right now. Bye.” He hung up and came back to his spot like nothing had happened.

“You okay?” She asked.

“I just don’t know what happened. We had been drama free and then for the last few months she’s been picking fights. Getting angry at my jokes, at my job and at my relationship with you. It’s exhausting. I just want one good day.”

She felt horrible for potentially making his day worse but she had to bring it up.

“About that… I don’t think we can do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Live together.” She paused to take a deep breath. “We’re getting too old for it.”

“What? Where’s this coming from?”

“Last night. I felt like I was intruding.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t intrude when it’s your house.”

“It’s not my house though, Harry. It’s yours. You bought it with your own money a decade ago.”

“But you live here.”

She sighed. She stood up and walked over to turn on the kettle.

“Do you not like living together anymore?” He sounded so hurt.

“Harry, you’re in a serious relationship now. Things are just different.”

“How are they any different from when I was with Camille? You didn’t threaten to move out then.” His voice was getting louder, like he was getting angry.

“No, but I probably should have. Then you might still be together.”

“That doesn’t make any sense Y/n, I’m with Olivia now, I’m over her.”

“I just mean I don’t want to cause another breakup.”

“I don’t know what to say.” He just stared at her from across the island.

“Look, Harry, I love you and I have thoroughly enjoyed our arrangement but things are a lot more complicated now then they were back then.”

He stayed silent. After a moment he came around the island and stood in front of her. He slowly pulled her into a tight hug.

“Okay. If that’s how you feel, I won’t try to convince you otherwise, but at least stick it out a little longer yeah? Until you secure another place. I’ll help you look for something and my door will always be open for you.”

They didn’t say much else after that. Luckily that night, Olivia stayed somewhere else so Y/n could have a moment to think about everything in peace.

~~~~~~~~

Harry was terrified. Y/n telling him she wanted to leave was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. That conversation between them hurt worse than any breakup he’s ever had. He wasn’t really sure why though.

He was also confused. It sounded like she didn’t actually want to leave but more like she felt she had to. He also didn’t understand why she brought up Camille and why it seemed she wished he was still with her. Did she miss Camille? He knew she and Olivia did not get along but he couldn’t recall her and Camille ever interacting much either.

He was hurt. He wanted her to stay. He wanted her, period. He knew he’d fucked up. He always fucked up. The truth is Y/n was the last thing he had left of his time in the band. If he lost her he wouldn’t have anything that reminded him of that time in his life. Sure, he could call the boys whenever, but Y/n was someone who liked him before he was successful on his own and that meant something to him. She was genuine. They had never really had a fight before. That night was the first. If you could call it a fight anyway.

He felt ashamed. Over lockdown, they had been so close to becoming what he wanted them to be but he got scared. The night they almost kissed was his favorite memory to date. But the next day, because he was scared, he went and did something stupid.

There was a knock at his trailer door. Even the smallest of sounds sent a pounding through his head. He rushed to open it to make it stop.

“Hey, sexy thing, are you ready for your scene?” It was Olivia.

She had started calling him names like that pretty early on. He was bummed at first because this was his first time to have a main part and he was excited to work with professionals only to find out how unprofessional the director truly was. He had gotten used to it though.

“No. I got too drunk last night.”

“Alone?”

“No, me and my best mate live together. She used to be a bartender and we were experimenting with new recipes. She’s a heavy pourer, that's for sure.”

“You poor thing.” Olivia had entered the trailer and was now inappropriately close.

“What are you doing?” He said, backing up into the wall.

“Don’t think about it.”

He knew he should have said no, but he was so tired of pining over Y/n. He had given her so many chances to make a move and she never did. He hadn’t thought that this thing with Olivia would turn into what it had. He thought for sure back then it was a one time thing but she kept wanting to do it again and then one day she was claiming she loved him. Then, factoring in that she had ruined her family for him, he felt obligated to be with her. He wasn’t happy. So, Y/n was the best thing in his life and she was threatening to leave. He didn’t want to force her to stay so he didn’t say much when she brought it up but now he wished he’d said more.

The next day he had already felt a shift between them.

He stumbled down to the kitchen to find her there making chocolate chip pancakes.

“You’re like a proper housewife, you know that?”

She didn’t smile at his joke. In fact she hardly looked at him. His heart cracked.

“Come on, Y/n. Don’t do this.”

Silence. She put his food on a plate and placed it in front of him. She turned around to make herself a latte with the espresso machine he bought just for her. When she came to sit beside him and still said nothing he snapped.

“That’s enough!” He had never heard his own voice so loud.

She flinched away from him and he had never wished to die more.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” He reached for her and she finally looked at him, allowing him to grab her hand.

“Y/n I can’t do this. I didn’t say anything last night because I didn’t want to force you to stay but I can’t live without you.”

“Harry, I’d just be moving out.”

He shook his head aggressively.

“You don’t get it. I can’t live without you. I don’t want you to go, you're all I have.”

“That’s not true and you know it. If anything it’s the other way around.”

They had both forgotten their food.

“You are. It’s been hard not being in the same place at the same time but when we are, it brightens my day. When I came home the other night and you were in the kitchen cooking dinner, it was like a dream. It’s all I want, for the rest of my life.”

“Okay, but don’t you want it with someone you love? You don’t need your silly best friend when you have a girlfriend.”

How could someone be so dense?

“Never mind.”

“It’ll be okay I promise. In fact, I’m mainly looking at places in the neighborhood.”

They didn’t talk much more about it. He couldn’t handle it.

That was in May. It was now November. And he hadn’t seen his pretty best friend in so long. She had come to the first two New York shows as she was working on stuff in New York that week, but that had been over two months ago. So much had happened. When she came to those shows it was the first time he’d seen her since the moving out conversation. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg but he was trying not to upset Olivia. He’s not sure why now because they’ve had so many fights since then. Including a big one in September that led to them breaking up and he hadn’t been upset by it either.

He was getting ready to go on stage when there was a knock at the door.

He rushed to open it. There she was, standing in front of him like a dream.

“Y/n.” It was no louder than a whisper.

“Hey. I know you’re about to go on, but maybe after the show we can talk?”

He nodded so fast he thought his head would fall off.

“Okay. Great. I’ll see you in a few hours.” She turned to leave but he wouldn’t have it. He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to him.

“There’s no need to run away. You can hang out until show time.”

He had her in a tight hug.

“I just… I need to get a drink and find my seat.”

“Seat? You’re not gonna stand with Jeff and them?”

“No. My friend bought tickets before she realized I could get us VIP access.” She laughed like it was a joke but it hurt his feelings. How did she have a friend that didn’t know that? He talked about her to all his friends all the time. “Plus, your girlfriend is here and I don’t want to cause any issues.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you after?”

She nodded and left. He felt empty. It was like he had already lost her. He pushed his feelings down and went on stage pretending to be the happiest man alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n was nervous. She lied about a friend buying tickets. She didn’t want him to know it was her choice to be further away. She figured he knew anyway. She had been putting space between them since May. She knew that if she wanted to stay in his life, she needed to get over him and she couldn’t do that being around him all the time. So, she was nervous because she was going to tell him she found a place. Not just one though. She found three flats, one for each city. That news wasn’t so bad she supposed but she was scared to tell him that they weren’t in his neighborhood. She lied before. Y/n couldn’t afford to live in North London, Malibu or the upper west side in Manhattan, but she didn’t want to hurt him anymore than she had.

When Harry started singing Kiwi she excused herself and made her way to his dressing room. She was surprised no one else was waiting there.

She was sitting on the couch in his dressing room when the door burst open.

“Hey stranger.” She smiled at him. He looked terrified and she didn’t know why.

“Thank god. I thought you left.” He closed the door behind him.

“I said I wanted to talk, didn’t I?”

“Yeah but I saw you get up and leave and then you weren’t outside the door.” He made his way to the couch and sat beside her. “What did you want to talk about?”

She sighed. “I don’t know how you’ll take this.”

He was silent so she continued. “I found a place. Well more than one.”

“Oh.” He stood up and went to change.

“I haven’t signed anything yet, it's not a done deal.”

“Okay? Why is that important?” He didn’t look at her once.

“They aren’t in your neighborhood.”

He turned around at that.

“I thought you said you were only going to look at places in the neighborhood. Do you really not want to be around me that badly?” His face was drenched in hurt.

“No! Not at all.” She stood up too and made her way over to him. “I just can’t afford the same areas you can.”

“That’s not all it is and you know it.” The hurt was now mixed with anger.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb. You’ve been keeping your distance. We’ve hardly seen each other or spoken since May.”

“We’re busy people, H.”

“That's bullshit and you know it. I always make time for you.”

He pulled on his sweats and walked to the vanity.

“I don’t understand why you’re mad.” She followed right behind him.

“Because my best friend doesn’t like me anymore.” He whipped around to face her as he spoke. “I’m not mad either. I’m fucking depressed.” She thought she saw the shimmer of tears forming in his eyes.

“Hey.” She cautiously reached for his hands and held them in hers. “I love you. It’s just been hard to be around you lately.”

“Why? What did I do?” He held her hands tighter.

“You did nothing. It’s all me.” She looked at their hands. She couldn’t look at him as she came clean. “I’m in love with you and having to watch you be with someone else, it’s gotten to be too much. I have to move out because if we keep living together, I’m going to start to believe you love me too. Don’t you want to live with someone you love? Don’t you want to come home to the person you love most cooking for you after a late night and cuddle them to sleep?”

She looked back up to see him smiling.

“I do want that.”

“See. And you could have that with Olivia, I just need to not be in the way.” She started to step back but he held her tighter.

“I don’t want it with Olivia.”

“What?”

“I don’t love her. Not the way you are insinuating.”

“Then why are you with her?”

He took a deep breath.

“Because I couldn’t be with you.”

Her mouth fell open.

“What?” It was barely louder than a whisper.

“That night we got drunk, do you remember?” She nodded so he continued. “Well, I almost kissed you but I knew it would ruin everything so I didn’t. Then the next day, on set, Olivia made a move and I don’t know, I was tired of being alone.” He couldn’t look at her, he was ashamed of himself.

“Are you serious?” She sounded angry so he looked up to see her face and it was indeed set in a frown. He let her continue. “Harry, you have to be the dumbest person I’ve ever met.”

She put distance between them and he missed her the minute she let go of his hands.

“You have never been alone! I don’t know why you can’t understand that. Being single and being alone are not the same thing. You have always had me. We fucking live together.”

“You don’t get it, Y/n. It’s so hard being around someone you are madly in love with and can’t have.”

She looked at him stunned.

“I don’t get it?” She shook her head. “Harry, I’m not the one who brings other people around! In the time we’ve known each other, how many guys have I dated, do you know?” He couldn’t recall so he shook his head. “None! Because I have only had eyes for you.”

His heart jumped, he didn’t get time to bask in her words because she continued.

“I’ve had sex and been on dates but only at the extreme difficulty of having to pretend they were you. Meanwhile you have come around with at least four different women and practically rubbed it in my face that you didn’t want me. And now you’re just here telling me you don’t even want to be with the woman you’ve been with for two years. The one that I have to see treat you like shit. The one I’ve watched break you down into this shell of a man all because you didn’t want to be alone.” She started to cry. “And for what? Because I told you I should move out because seeing you with someone else kills me inside and living with you is all I want but it confuses the hell out of me because we aren’t together.”

“Hey, Angel, don’t cry.” He walked over to her, feeling the need to be delicate since she was mad. “I’m so sorry. I genuinely had no idea you felt that way. I wish I had known sooner.” He gently raised his hands to her cheeks and when she didn’t pull away, he began stroking her tears away with his thumbs.

“Why can’t you just call it what it is, H? You are scared of something real. Something that has the potential to be the end of the road.”

He leaned his forehead against hers and started to talk in a soft voice. “You’re right. I am scared. Because like I said I can’t live without you and I’ve been doing everything in my power to keep you but clearly I’ve made some mistakes. I just… I love you so much and so intensely it scares me and I don’t know it just felt like you didn’t feel the same so I’ve tried to move on but keep you close at the same time. It backfired clearly.” He chuckled a bit.

His words made her peer back up at him with a smile. It was the first time he actually said the words. The first time she heard them.

“Yeah it did. Look how much time we’ve wasted.”

His heart skipped. Did that mean?

“Time we’ve wasted? You aren’t mad?”

“I am but just because we could have done this sooner.”

Before he could say anything she pulled him into a heated kiss.

He pulled back after a minute. “Does this mean you’re not going to move out?”

“It means I’m going to move out of my room and into yours.”

He smiled and kissed her again. He pulled her flush against him and spun them around to push her against the vanity counter. Just as he was about to lift her onto it she pulled back.

“Wait… you have a girlfriend.”

“No I don’t.”

“What?”

He placed her on the counter and came to stand between her legs.

“We broke up. Like a week ago.”

Instead of responding, Y/n moaned and pulled his lips back to hers. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him as tight to her as she could.

She came up for air and said, “Good. You belong with me.”

He hummed his agreement of, “I belong with you,” and dove right back in.

His tongue slipped between her lips ever so lightly. It just gently brushed hers and caused her to buck her hips against his.

Her hands snaked into his hair and pulled gently. She had been waiting to be with him like this for so long that she was going to take advantage of it. She lowered her hands to his shoulders, brushing his neck as they passed it, and pulled him even closer.

Harry was hard. He knew if they kept going he wouldn’t be able to stop so he pulled back.

“Baby, if we don’t cool down, I’m gonna have to fuck you right here.”

“God,” she groaned. “Please do.”

“You want to? Right here? You don’t want it to be more special?”

She cooed at him. “You’re so cute, my love. But I’ve wanted to do this since I was nineteen. I can have it be special later.”

“Okay then.” He dove back in finding a place on her neck to attach his lips to. She threw her head back and arched her back giving him more access.

While he sucked on her neck he started undoing the buttons on her top. Once he popped the last one, he made his way down to her chest. His lips traced a path with his tongue coming out every so often to lick at her skin.

When he reached his destination he reached around to undo her bra. When it slid off her body he let out a single “fuck” before he dove onto the left one, kissing and sucking vigorously.

“Fuck, Harry.” She put her hands back on his head and pushed him into her chest even more.

He moved to the right one whispering, “fucking perfect” before mimicking his movements from before. Y/n was going crazy above him and it was everything he had ever dreamed of.

“Harry.” She pulled his head up as she spoke.

“What?”

“Take your clothes off right now.”

Without another word he stood up straight and yanked his sweats off. He came back between her legs and carefully pulled her leggings down, stopping to kiss her legs every so often. When they were both naked, he came back to stand in his original position. He felt her reach down and grab him, to guide him to her entrance but he stopped her.

“Protection?” It was all he could say.

“The pill.” She matched his energy perfectly and that was why he loved her so much.

He pushed in and it was everything they both could have dreamed of.

“You feel perfect,” he whispered against her ear and then gave it a little nibble.

“You too.” She wrapped her legs all the way around him to hold him as close as possible.

His thrusts were slow and tender, as if still trying to make their first time special but it was perfect. She could feel every detail and the dragged out pace allowed for her climax to build slower and eventually release in one of the strongest orgasms she’d ever had.

She could tell Harry was close. She ran her hands through his hair again and whispered, “Let go, baby, let go.” And biting into her shoulder he did just that, as if he’d just been waiting for permission.

They stayed still, just breathing heavily, for a moment and then she felt her shoulder dampen.

“What’s wrong, Honey?” She softly combed his hair with her fingers, scratching at his scalp every so often.

“I just… I don’t…” He paused to take a deep breath, then leaned back so he could look in her eyes. “I don’t deserve you. As a partner or friend. I’ve been so shitty and oblivious and ignorant and an ass-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” she cut him off. “You are an amazing friend to me. You gave me a place to live for the last six years and you’ve given me opportunities to come see the best live shows I’ve ever seen.” He smiled at that and she kissed him lightly before continuing. “And if you feel for me how I feel for you, I bet you will be a phenomenal partner. Have you made some mistakes, including ones that hurt my feelings? Yes. But that’s over now. It’s just you and me against the world.” She brushed her thumb over his lips and they puckered to kiss it. “You’re stuck with me now though. You can’t get rid of me if you tried, so I hope that’s okay with you.” She giggled and he did too.

“It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I promise I’ll never hurt your feelings like that again. You are the most important thing in my life and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”

She kissed him on the mouth. “Good.” She kissed him again. “Now I don’t know about you rockstar, but I’m starving.” He let out a loud laugh, and she realized they were still connected and winced a bit. “How about we get dressed and go get pancakes or something?”

“Pancakes sound great.” A mischievous smile took over his face as he untangled them and helped her off the vanity. “But how about we go home and make your pancakes,” He paused, the smile dropping for dramatic effect as he added, “naked?”

She cackled. She didn’t answer right away. She just put her clothes on (well she put on the t-shirt Harry had never managed to fully change into and her leggings) and he did the same. Then finally she turned to face him.

“Alright. Let’s go home.”

“And round two after pancakes?”

“Is this gonna be my life now?” She giggled. “Cooking and fucking on an endless loop?”

“I sure hope so.” He smiled sheepishly.

She leaned up to kiss him again.

“Me too! Now let’s go!” She grabbed his hand and led them out of the room.

#harry styles #harry’s house #harry pls #harry styles fic #one direction #harry x reader #famous harry #harry styles fluff #dont worry darling #harry styles best friend

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grapejuicegay · 2 years ago

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A... rather personal defense of Pran

I've seen a lot of people being confused about Pran's behaviour and rather upset by him. But like @waitmyturtles said in their review, "I see Pran dealing with something really complicated." Which, yes. That's what this post is about. I just don't think it's about Singapore.

It's about Pran's OCD. I think there was a consensus last week with the way Pran talked about it that it was a recent diagnosis. And I think this episode just confirmed that for me.

This is where the personal part begins - I was diagnosed with OCD in 2020, in the very first few months of covid. When I told people about it I got about the same response that we had to Pran - it's not surprising but it's good that it's an official diagnosis now.

Such a diagnosis is almost a relief when you get it because suddenly a lot of things start making sense. But it also comes with a very fun challenge - learning to deal with it. Because while you understand why you get so much more anxious and overthink more than most people, you're also suddenly more aware of your thought patterns. You have to be, to find a way to work through them, to not give into the intrusive thoughts. But looking at the intrusive thoughts is one of the best ways to let them take over. You do have to look at them though, because you have to learn to recognise them. Because you cannot deal with them until you do. It's a rough cycle.

I was a few years older than Pran when I was diagnosed, and in a very different place in my life. The pandemic that we didn't know a lot about at that time looming over our heads did not help my anxiety, but the lockdown gave me something really special - time and space to work through it all. I wasn't in college so I didn't have the constant looming threat of deadlines and figuring out my future in that very moment. I also didn't have the very unique set of stressors Pran lives with - friends and family from whom you're hiding a relationship that if revealed could potentially lead to very severe consequences, consequences that in the past have been the worst of his anxieties come to life. Nor a relationship to maintain while being overtly aware at all times that this is not the kind of relationship your partner would really want, that they're only in this because of you.

And there is the sacrifice of it all. There is the thing that keeps coming up again and again - that Pat does so much for him. That Pat helps him all the time, that Pat's sacrificed so much for him, that Pran isn't sure he's good enough or ever will be.

Add to that the regular reminders from Pat that he overthinks. They're meant in a very good way and they do help in the moment, I'm not denying that at all. But it's also a fact that Pran struggles with. It adds to his concern that he's a burden on Pat with the way he thinks, that Pat has to do so much work because of Pran's brain, something Pat had no say over (something Pran had no say over but it's harder to see it like that in the moment).

I've had my diagnosis for the past 3 years now. And it hasn't been until the past year that I've finally started feeling confident in myself and my ability to regulate my anxiety, to finally start feeling like I have control over my brain. Because as much as knowing the diagnosis helps, the work you have to do afterwards is no joke.

So yes, Pran is going through something very heavy, but it's not the prospect of going to Singapore (I don't believe that exists just yet, but it's coming soon). Pran is in the process of figuring out how to make his brain work in his favour instead of actively against him. He's learning to rely on people when he needs to while fighting off constant reminders that he's a burden.

And we've seen Pran make a lot of progress. Any points at which he talks about being anxious are progress. Any time he lets himself be upset is progress. Any time time he says any of his worries out loud (even if he can't say them directly to Pat yet), he has fought his way through who knows how many intrusive thoughts to get to that point. And in the same regard - he probably feels guilty about having Pat say "I can't live without you" first. Because he's likely just as aware that Pat has done so much for him that this is just another thing he's adding on top of that.

But - and I think this is very big - he knows that he needs Pat to say it first, to give him permission to feel this, that this isn't too much for him to ask for. This is him asking for help to express himself when he feels like too much. It helps them both in the long run. And I do think it's a very important step to get what we saw in ep 12 - a Pran that demands love, that demands to be babied. This is him giving himself permission through the hardest part of learning his diagnosis.

I love that we get this between ep 11 and 12 because with this ep 12 also becomes a hug, a way of telling us things may be rough for him but he gets through it. He'll get where he needs to be, wants to be. Just give him some time. Because just like with the parents, sometimes time is just what you need.

#so this is probably the most personal i have ever been and will ever be on here #but i think it needed to be said #so here it is #bad buddy #bad buddy brain rot #bad buddy series #our skyy 2 #our skyy bad buddy #i understand people being upset with him #but i think it's important to understand why he's acting the way he is #especially when you add in a pretty serious mental health diagnosis #and they are dealing with it pretty well!#i think showing the struggle is important sometimes #and at least they're showing a version of it that makes sense #it's not just a need for everything to be orderly - although that can be part of it and likely is for pran #but it never just ends there

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alpaca-clouds · 2 months ago

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The Dawn of Everything

I finished reading this very long book, after hearing it being recommended in a podcast a few months back. I thought to myself that it would be kinda nice, given that the topic (the origin of inequality) is interesting me, and the fact that I really like David Graeber. I started reading some of his other stuff earlier in the pandemic. Mainly Bullshit Jobs, a book that I will always highly recomment.

The Dawn of Everything was a very interesting read.

You probably know the story that inspires it: "Humans once lived as hunters and gathers in small bands when they were all very equal. But at some point they invented agriculture, and more and more inequality would rise." This is a thing that is considered to be common knowledge - especially in left wing circles. Meanwhile of course there is a right wing counternarrative that generally goes: "Back when we lived as hunter gatherers we had horrible lives, but ever since we invented agriculture everything got better."

Now, there is of course a big challenge with this: Humans have been around for about 200 000 years. And our actual understanding for history goes back for about 5000 years. The earliest written records we can translate are from Ancient Sumer and were written about 3000 years BC. Everything before that... We know humans were there. We can say something about how humans moved and lived because we find their skulls and tools and art. But the few humans before Sumer who have written anything down, have also used writing systems that we cannot decypher. So all we can say about them is stuff that we can know from the archeology we did.

You might also see where this is going: Doing research for this book, Graeber and Wengrow found, that neither of the "early humans" theories named above, were in any way based in research, but just were two people making up stuff that sounded right to them. So, because of that, they themselves tried to figure this out on the basis of what we do know for certain - both from the archeological record, and from what we know from indigenous groups.

And some of the things they bring up is quite interesting.

They base a lot of their writing on the writing of indigenous people over the last 500 years. Specifically also of how indigenous people compared their own cultures to the culture of colonizers. The book also goes into how early monarchies came to be and why people in some situations might have wanted to have kings.

Another thing the book goes very much into is into sexism, misogyny and also how those ideas often influenced the analysis of archeologists. If there were cultures, where a lot of the archeological finds very much suggest that the rulers were women, for a long while archeologist would go: "But that would be silly. Women cannot rule." One example named in the book is Minoan Greece.

I took quite some interesting things from this book - and I absolutely would recommend it to both my fellow anarchists and my fellow Solarpunks. Because I will once more say: We Solarpunks need to learn more from the past, rather than just hoping that we can solve all our problems.

I will write about some other stuff I learned from this book in the next few days or maybe even weeks, but generally I really enjoyed reading (or rather listening to) it.

While the writing style in this book is at times a bit too wordy, I learned a whole lot from reading this. Heck, while I originally got the audiobook, this is one of the few books I own now as both an audio book and a physical copy.

#david graeber #anarchism #anarchist books #book recommendations #non fiction books #the dawn of everything #anarchist theory #anti capitalism #solarpunk #lunarpunk

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writting-stuff-sometimes · 2 years ago

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Christmas time - Charles x fem reader

Summary: You return home for Christmas and fin yourself spending it with and old lover and his family.

Warnings: None, just fluff and some angst.

AN: From the topic, you might know since when I've been working on this but I finally decided to finish it, I was going to wait till Christmas to publish it but what the heck. As you can see I have a thing for exes, writing here it's cheaper than therapy. As always feedback it's appreciated, accepting requests, and let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list.

Christmas had always been a confusing time for you, you thought of it as too cheese but at the same time you could spend a whole weekend just watching and crying over Christmas movies, so now that you were coming back home for the holidays after being away for so long, it felt as if you were in one of them.

You had been living in the US for 5 years, and like in all those stupid chick flicks, you had moved to the other side of the world because you wanted to escape your life after a painful breakup and the US was far enough from everyone you knew, and a certain sport your ex was part of. You were supposed to be studying there for 2 years but then the pandemic hit and you got stuck, you found a job that started as a part time but eventually became full time.

"Mom, are you serious? isn't Christmas a holiday you're supposed to spend with family?" you said as you struggle to wrap a present.

"What are you talking about? The Leclerc's are family! Don't you remember how many vacations we've spend together? the summers at the lake and winters up in the cabin? You, Lorenzo and Charles in your onesies playing in the snow as baby Arthur followed all of you around?"

Now you were kind of getting why you felt how you felt about christmas, your mom was in love with the holiday and it was cute but exhausting at the same time.

"Have you talk to them? I heard they went to the US a couple of times this year" In her defense, she had no idea you and Charles had been dating for a few months, actually as far as you knew only your best friend and Lorenzo knew about it after they found you making out in his kitchen one night after a party.

"No, we lost track of each other after I moved" you lied and returned to your wrapping task, actually Charles did try reaching out to you when he found out you moved and again when he went to race there, but you had all rights to ignore his calls and messages, the day you broke up he had been an ass.

_____________

The fight started when you confronted him about some pictures of him at a nightclub in Austria, you had no problem with him having fun after a stressful weekend, the girl grinding her ass against his body, his hand on her waist and the fact that it wasn't the first time this had happened, was the problem.

"It was a fan, I didn't want to be rude", Clearly this superstar status had gone to his head. "They don't know I have a girlfriend! You want me to be rude?"

"And who decided we shouldn't tell anyone?"

"You know why I don't want them to..."

"Yeah, yeah protecting our privacy, I would buy that story if you weren't going around the fucking world letting girls grind against you every five fucking minutes!"

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, I won't change my mind about it" The defiant look on his face told you everything you needed to know and now it was your turn to make a decision.

"Don't worry, you don't have to lie to your fans anymore" You stormed out of his room, that was the last time you spoke to each other.

You cried for weeks, you actually loved him but seeing pictures of him with a different girl at parties and nightclubs after every race weekend was just too painful. It only took you a couple of weeks to realize that staying in Monaco was a bad idea, his face and name were all over the place. One day, like a miracle fallen from the sky, one of your teachers told you about a scholarship to study in the US, you didn't think it twice and applied, and two months later you were boarding a plane to New York.

A couple of days after you arrived to the US, Charles tried every posible way of getting in touch with you, but you sticked to your decision and ignored all his messages.

You couldn't actually say you had fallen out of love, the good moments had been amazing and those you would cherish forever. _______

"I don't have anything to wear tho" it was a lame excuse but you really wanted to escape the awkward christmas weekend your mom had planned.

"Oh, don't worry about it, I bought you a cute dress, it's in your closet!"

You finished loading the van with the tons of things your mom wanted to take for the weekend-long stay at the Lecrerc's cabin and finally went upstairs to deal with the stress of seeing your ex, you threw yourself on your childhood bed and closed your eyes.

"Hi sweety, can I come in?" Your dad knocked on your door.

"Dad! Of course" You rushed to hug him

"I missed you so much" he said as he kissed your head.

"Miss you too"

"You need to come more often" he brushed your hair like he used to when you were little.

"I know, I wish I could"

"Honey, don't forget to try on the dress" Your mom yelled from downstairs and you sight in exhaustion, you loved your mom but spending the holidays with your ex and his family wasn't on your list for a great christmas.

"I know, but Pascale has been really nice to your mom now that you've been away, you know how much she misses you"

"I was expecting to be just with you guys"

"C'mon sweety, this will be fun. Aren't you excited to see a certain Leclerc?" a mischievous smile on your dad's face made your heart fall to your feet.

"What are you talking about?" you almost choked on your own saliva.

"Darling, we all knew about your crush on Lorenzo, it was endearing" you unclenched your jaw when you heard Lorenzo's name. Your dad wasn't wrong tho when you were like 5 or 6 you had a crush on your friend's big brother; it was natural, you used to spend a lot of time at their house, and he was older and very attractive.

"That was a long time a go, dad" You smiled at the memory.

"I know, but it will be nice to spend some time all together, specially after they lost Hervé and our only daughter decided to move so far away" He looked at you with such loving eyes, you could just say yes with your head "Your mom's been quiet for too long, let me go see what that lady is up to" he hugged you again and left your room.

You walked to your closet and took the dress cover bag.

"Are you serious?" you couldn't help to say out loud as you took the red body con dress from the hanger. It was a beautiful, but it being ferrari red felt like life was mocking you. You took a couple of calming breaths as you tried to accept that you were fucked, the only "party" attire in your suitcase wasn't exactly family gathering material and it was too late to go shopping, that dress was your only option.

The next morning before the sun was up you were already in the back of your mom's van on your way to the country side, it was a two hour drive to the Leclerc's cabin, you tried to catch some sleep and fight the jet lag, but anxiety wouldn't let you and before you knew it you were parking next to a red alfa romeo.

"Oh my God!! Y/n!!! darling, what a wonderful surprise" a surprised Pascale rushed to hug you as soon as you got off the van.

"Hi, it's nice to see you too" You hugged her back, you did really like Pascale, she had always been like a second mother.

As she turned to greet your dad, you turned to your mother.

"They didn't knew I was coming?" You asked in a low voice.

"No, I wanted for it to be a cute surprise" Your mom said with a big smile and then turned to hug her best friend.

"Come on in, the boys are going to be so happy to see you" She took you by the shoulders and dragged you inside the house as you pulled your suitcase.

"I wouldn't bet on it" you thought to yourself.

"Boys! come help with the bags!" She yelled as she entered the house "Wait 'till they see you!, want something to drink?" She pulled you inside the kitchen.

"Mom, where are we putting tomorrow's dinner thi..." Charles cut himself off and stopped in the middle of the kitchen entrance when he saw you.

"Mate, move! you're in the way" Arthur pushed Charles to the side walking in with a couple of bags "Y/N!" the youngest Leclerc let the bags fall over the kitchen table and rushed to hug you.

"Hi, Art" You said almost out of breath from the tight hug. "Oh my, you look so grown up!"

"Don't be fooled, it's just the outside" Said Lorenzo as he entered the kitchen with more bags, setting them on the table and pushing Arthur away to hug you "It's so nice to see you"

"Same" You hugged him back.

"This is a Christmas miracle" Lorenzo said as he turned to look at Charles with a cheeky grin on his face, he knew exactly what was happening and he found it incredibly amusing "I'm so glad I didn't skip christmas this year" He whispered as he walked past Charles.

"Shut up" Charles whispered back.

"Hi, Y/n" Charles left the bags on the floor, walked towards you and got his arms around your body as you shily hugged him back, his scent and body heat felt so familiar like it had been just a couple of days since the last time you two had been cuddling in his bed. "It's nice to see you," he said against your ear, his soft warm breath brushing your neck giving you goosebumps.

"It's nice to see you too"

You could feel Lorenzo's sight on you as he was bitting his cheek trying not to burst out laughing at the awkwardness between you two, thank God it was only him who noticed.

All of you finished unloading the van and tried to organize the sleeping situation.

"I can totally sleep on the couch, Pascale, don't worry about it" You said as soon as she offered to give you Charles' room.

"Oh no darling, you're not sleeping on the couch, Charles can sleep with Lorenzo or with Arthur, don't worry about it"

"But..."

"Don't even try, you won't convince her, let me" Said Charles taking your bag from your hand and walked up the stairs.

You followed him to his room. As soon as you walked in a thousand memories rushed trough your mind, during your relationship you had gone up to that cabin a few times, it was the only place you two could be alone.

"Thanks" You said in a low voice when he left your bag on his bed.

"You're welcome" He turned to look at you, you held his gaze a couple of seconds before his beautiful green eyes got your heart rushing a thousand miles and you had to look somewhere else trying to catch your breath, you walked to his closet to hang the dress bag.

"I called you, several times"

"I know" You said as you awkwardly played with the plastic material.

"I wanted to..."

"Mate, mom is calling you" Arthur walked in startling both of you.

"I'll be right there"

"Now" Said Arthur and walked down the stairs.

"We should go" you nervously said and followed Art downstairs.

Your mom, Pascale, Enzo and yourself prepared lunch as your dad talked to Arthur and Charles about the last racing season.

The whole group sat to have lunch, Pascale asked you about your life in New York, your apartment, your job, your friends.

"...and is there a special someone?" your mom's friend asked with a mischievous grin on her face, you noticed how Charles tensed at the question and Lorenzo noticed too.

"Yeah, are you breaking many hearts?" Lorenzo added, softly kicking his brother under the table, Charles flipped him off discretely as he "scratched" his cheek.

"Not as many as you Enzo, are you still dating Adrianne?" You diverted the attention successfully.

After lunch everyone moved to sit outside around the deck fireplace, night came and it started snowing which meant it was time to go to sleep, there was a lot to do the next morning.

You laid in Charles's bed, his scent was as intoxicating as it was soothing, you couldn't lie, you missed that smell, once you even ended up dating a guy just because he used the same cologne.

After an hour of trying to fall asleep and failing miserably at it, you gave up and decided to go prepare yourself a hot cup of tea. You got your robe on and walked down to the kitchen.

You prepared your tea and went to sit outside by the fireplace, the snow had stopped, it was cold but a couple of logs were still burning to give just enough heat to make it enjoyable.

"You're going to catch a cold" Charles' voice scared you, making you spill some hot tea over your hand.

"Ahhh, ouch"

"Shit!" Charles rushed to your side taking some snow from one of the chairs, he kneeled in front of you and placed the snow over your hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to scare you" he turned to look at you.

"It's ok" He kept his hand on yours, and you stood still for a while as the snow melted between your hands.

"I'm sorry" he said again.

"It's ok, it wasn't that hot anymore"

"I'm not talking about the tea" his voice in that low pitch that let you know this was a serious matter.

"Charles, you don't need to... I don't...I'm.." You had no idea what to say, you had rehearsed this conversation a thousand times in your head and had worked amazing responses to every possible apology or complaint, but having him right there, kneeling in front of you with his hand caressing yours was just too much for your brain to process, you couldn't even look at him.

"Listen, I was an asshole, I let stupid ideas get to my head, I did a lot of stupid things, and I've regretted them every single day since the moment you walked out my door."

"Y/n" he took your chin and made you look up at him "I'm sorry, I've missed you so fucking much" your chest moved faster, no coherent thought in your mind.

"It's getting cold, we should go inside" you removed your hand from his and walked directly to his room without looking back. You were overwhelmed, you still had feelings for him, but it had been too long, you had a life in New York. It broke your heart to think that maybe you had wasted your only chance to be with him.

It was around 3 or 4 am when you finally cried yourself to sleep.

A soft knock on the door woke you up.

"Come in" you sat on the bed and tried to fix your hair.

"Good morning" Lorenzo walked in the room, a tray in his hands with a cup of coffee and a couple pancakes.

"Hi, thanks" You took the tray from his hands and took a small sip of coffee, it was so good.

"You're welcome, I figured that after staying up late you could use some breakfast in bed" You looked at him confused.

"My window it's right above the deck"

"Oh, sorry about that"

"Don't worry about it. But, he really is sorry, you have no idea how many times he begged for me to call you, he knew you would answer my calls, but to be honest I didn't think he deserved you then"

"And now?"

"I've been to New York, it ain't that cool, and I would love to see you around Monaco and the tracks more often" He winked at you and walked out of the room.

You had your breakfast in bed as you tried to figure out what the fuck were you supposed to do with what you felt and what Lorenzo had told you. It was almost noon, you had a shower and finally walked downstairs to help with the Christmas preparations for that evening.

The smell coming from the kitchen was amazing, your mom and Pascale were the greatest cooks you've ever met, actually, their food was one of the things you missed the most after you moved.

"Oh, I almost forgot, I ordered some bread from the town and I think we might need a couple more wine bottles" Pascale said as she looked at a message on her phone.

"I can go pick it up" You offered, you were used to being questioned by your mom every time you called home, but now there were two of them bombarding you with a ton of questions, making you feel a bit overwhelmed, so a lonely trip to the village seemed like a great way to take a breather.

"Darling, I don't know, you haven't driven on this side of the road for a while, and the road might be snowed" If only your mother knew how many times you had taken Charles's car out for a spin and done pretty reckless stunts.

"I can drive you" Charles offered walking in the kitchen.

"Yes, let Charles drive you" Great, it had gone from bad to worse.

"But...ok" You knew trying to convince your mom to let you go on your own was a lost cause and saying no to the offer would seem weird and offensive, you took your jacket and walked outside.

You both were so nervous, the only sound in the car was the music coming from the speakers, you couldn't help to look at him out of the corner of your eye, he was tense as he kept a tight grip on the steering wheel and you found it incredibly attractive, one of the things you enjoyed the most when dating Charles was looking at him as he was driving, the way his hands worked the steering wheel and his sight focused on the road was something that turned you on.

You finally got to the village and walked inside a small store, you split the list of things and walked your own way to get them all.

"Y/n?" someone called your name behind you.

"Oh my, Ed, hi!" You hugged the guy standing behind you, he had been one of your uni classmates.

"It's so nice to see you, how's everything, how's New York?"

"It's good, how are you?"

"Same old, same old, how long are you going to be here? We should go get a coffee or something"

"Y/n" Charles spoke before you could answer "Two chardonnays should be good? we have 3 merlots at home" He said showing the two wine bottles he was holding in his left hand, as his right arm grabbed you nonchalantly by the waist.

"Oh, sorry mate, hi, Charles" Charles left the wine bottles in the shopping cart and extended his hand to shake Ed's but kept his arm around you.

"Hi, no worries, you are... Charles Leclerc"

"Yeah"

"Wow, uhm, big fan"

"Thanks" Charles smiled at your friend, from the outside this all seemed innocent and nice, but you knew he was marking his territory. "We need to hurry, we still need to stop by the bakery" He said looking at you in a way that made your heart skip a beat, it had been so long since he had looked at you in that way.

"I should go too, I still got some presents to buy, it was nice to see you y/n, and nice to meet you Charles, good luck on the next season"

"Thanks, mate, appreciated" Charles shook his hand, and as you took a step forward to kiss your friend goodbye, his arm never left your body. When Ed was out of sight you turned to look at Charles inquisitively as he took the spices from your hand and placed them in the tiny shopping cart.

"Let's go" He pushed the cart as if nothing had happened and walked to the register.

"Stop looking at me like that" he finally said as you were on the drive back to the cabin.

"That was low"

"I don't know what you're talking about" he faked innocence.

"Make him think we're together, that was low"

"You went with it, didn't you?" You instantly blushed at his comment.

"I did it just so you wouldn't look like a fool"

A soft breathy laugh left his mouth as he turned to stop in a hiking trail parking lot.

"What are you doing?" you asked confused as he turned off the car.

"Come" he got off the car, confused you did as he said, he leaned against the hood of the car and you walked towards him.

"Charles?" You asked as you stood a safe distance from him, your arms crossed over your chest.

"We need to talk"

"Charles, please, I..." You rubbed your eyes in slight despair, you were pretty much in the middle of nowhere there was no escaping from him this time.

"Please, just listen to me, if when I'm done you don't want to talk about it anymore, we'll get in the car and we never talk about this ever again, but right now, just listen to me, ok?" his beautiful green eyes made you weak and you couldn't say no.

"Ok"

"Y/n, I really am sorry, I swear nothing happened with any of those girls, I never cheated on you..."

"Charles..."

"Shut... up!" His voice was a soft growl as he took you by your arms and pulled you a little closer to him, you stared into his eyes, frozen "Please, listen to me, I know I've said I'm sorry like a million times in the last 24 hours, but I really feel like I owe you so many apologies. I was an asshole, I could try to explain myself but at the end of the day I was young and stupid, and I let this "famous driver" shit get to my head, I lost myself, and on the way, I ended up losing the most amazing and wonderful woman ever. I pushed you away and you had all right to kick me out of your life, but please, if there's just one small part of you that would like to try this again, please, I'm begging you, just give me one more chance, please"

You felt your heart rush, you had thought about this moment a million times, and 90% of them the answer was negative, not because you didn't love him, but because you could see how happy he was without you, winning races, taking pictures with fans, partying with the rest of the drivers, having the freedom he seemed to miss when he was with you.

"Y/N?"

"How do I know this isn't going to end up badly? You've been single for the last 5 years, are you sure you want to give up all you have?"

"I'm not the same idiot you left 5 years ago, I swear, I don't need anyone but you, I don't WANT anyone but you" He pulled you closer, his arms around your waist in a tight hug as you keep your arms crossed over your chest trying to put as much distance between you two. "I know I'm asking for a lot, you have a life somewhere else and I swear I wouldn't be asking for another chance if I didn't actually mean it, I swear on everything that's sacred for me, that I'm going to do my best to make this work and make you the happiest girl in the world, but please give me another chance"

"Are you sure this isn't just the holiday blues? what if I hadn't come this Christmas, would you feel the same?" Your rational side fighting hard against the side that just wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him.

"Do you really think I just came up with this?" A soft smile escaped his lips as he unhooked one of his arms from around your waist and took his cell phone from his jacket, he clicked around for a bit, then turned the screen towards you as he slowly scrolled through the screen, there were dozens of undelivered messages, you could only catch a few words but most of them were of how much he missed you and begging for you to forgive him and come back. "The last one is from last week, I've missed you every day for five years"

You turned to look at him, this movement from your head making the tears that flooded your eyes fall down your cheeks. He got his phone inside his jacket and cleaned your tears with his fingers.

"I love you, y/n, and you can say no, I don't want to force you to do anything, you don't even have to give me an answer right now, but just think about it, ok?"

You couldn't talk and you just nodded your head.

"Good, now let's go, it's getting dark" He leaned in and kissed your lips so softly that if your eyes had been closed you would have doubted it ever happen. He led you to the passenger seat, opened the door for you, and then went to get inside the car.

You drove in silence again, you knew your answer but were you making the right decision?

As he pulled next to your parent's van you fixed yourself as much as you could.

"Darling, what took you so long?" Pascale walked towards you to help with the bags.

"Sorry, I found an old friend and caught up talking" You excused yourself before Charle could say anything.

As the boys helped with setting the table and bringing in more wood for the fireplace, you couldn't help to notice how good was the relationship between your dad and the Leclerc boys, he had turned into their father figure and it filled your heart, you knew this kind of relationship between your dad and any other guy in your life was going to be impossible. Tears started forming in your eyes again.

"All done" you said setting the last couple of cookies on the cooling rack "I'm going to get dressed" You quickly removed the apron and rushed upstairs before anyone could notice your watery eyes.

As you walked inside the bedroom you saw a small red box on the bed, you took it and opened it slowly to find a beautiful gold tuberose necklace and a handwritten note inside.

"I've had this for years and I finally got the chance to give it to you, I remember that night you called our love a "Tuberose love" because it seemed it only bloomed hidden in the dark, but this is a gold tuberose, it can bloom day or night, as long as it's around your neck.

I love you, always,

Charles"

You cried and held the beautiful necklace in your hand.

You showered and got ready, you looked at yourself in the mirror, the red dress looked better than you ever imagined, maybe that Ferrari red wasn't a bad idea after all, maybe that color could grow on you again. You got the necklace around your neck, the gold piece shining perfectly over the fabric.

"Come on kids, it's time" Your dad yelled from downstairs, you took a last deep breath and walked down to meet everyone.

Charles' eyes lit up as soon as he saw you enter the dining room, his sight focused on the gold detail hanging from your neck and he couldn't help to smile, he pulled the chair by his side and gestured you to take a seat next to him.

You sat by his side as everyone else took their places, he looked around and you took his hand under the table, he turned to look at you and you noticed his eyes were red as if he was about to cry.

"All good?" you whispered worried

"Never been better" he smiled and gave your hand a little squeeze.

You had dinner, the best Christmas dinner to date.

It was close to 3 am when the parents decided it had been enough for them and left for bed, Lorenzo and Arthur went to get some more wood and Charles took the chance to sit next to you on the living room floor, putting a blanket over your bodies as he placed his arm around your shoulders.

"Thanks" you said taking the necklace and looking at it.

"You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it" He kissed your hair.

"I love it... not as much as I love you, tho" You finally said, his face turned fast to look at you as you turned to look at him.

"So... you...uhm" He stutter

"Did I just make Charles Leclerc stutter?" you smiled teasingly.

"Shut up" he said as he took your face and pulled you in for a kiss, that kiss you had waited for so long.

"What the hell?" Arthur yelled as he dropped the logs on the living room floor.

"Well, this time it can't be a secret, this one can't keep his mouth shut" Said Lorenzo leaving the logs next to the fireplace.

"This time? why am I always the last one to find this shit out!?, You have a lot of explaining to do" Said Arthur inquisitively as he sat across from you.

Tag List: @wtrmlnsgr94, @ricsaigaslec

#f1 imagine #f1 fiction #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fic #f1 x y/n #charles leclerc x reader

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colealexart · 1 year ago

Note

how did you first get into cr?

i can't remember if i've told this story on here before but here we go: i was really into the last of us, especially part 2. it came out just a couple weeks after my grandad died, so i was using that as a way to process my grief. probably not the best idea given the games themes, but hey.

shannon woodward (who plays dina) started streaming on twitch. i regularly watched her and became an active member of her community (and eventually became a mod) and the people in there would talk about this d&d show with ashley johnson and laura bailey that was on every thursday. i tried watching for ashley and laura, but i just wasn't into it. i couldn't really focus on 4-5 hours of people just sitting around a table playing dungeons and dragons (a game i'd never played before and didn't know the rules for.) the thought of having to watch hundreds of hours to catch up was daunting, even though i really really wanted to. i think i made it to episode 3 of campaign 2 and stopped.

a few friends who i gamed with (who are now my best friends) would talk about it constantly, and they eventually convinced me to try again. they told me about the animated recaps and said that the story really kicks off in the 20s so i was like fuck it. i had nothing else to do because we were in the middle of a pandemic, i was still grieving, and i had been looking for a show to put on in the background while i tried to work on my art. (tried being the key word here. i really was ready to give up on my art before i found critical role.)

anyway yeah, i became obsessed. i binged the entirety of campaign 2 in a few months. not only did i find joy in watching them play, but it pulled me out of my grief induced art block and helped me actually like what i was creating again.

i didn't get to watch the finale live, but i did watch it when i'd fully caught up and cried all the way through. i didn't realize just how attached i was to the characters until i didn't have them anymore. in a way, it helped me process my grief for my grandad. if i could say goodbye to them, i could say goodbye to him.

when campaign 3 started, i watched the premiere live but i said that there was no way i could stay up every week to watch it, since it airs at 3am here. i was very wrong lol. getting up at 3am on fridays is my favourite part of the week. and i'm very thankful for finding critical role when i did :)

#ask

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lindyloosims · 3 months ago

Text

Non Sims Issue:

This is something that has bothered me for a few years and it's really taking a toll on my mental health!

So...(warning, very long rant under the cut)

Question: Am I an asshole?

I live in a semi-detached bungalow with my own private garden. I used to live in a block of four flats (they used to be one big house) and we shared a communal garden area (with a washing line) and we each had our own private garden too, a small square surrounded by hedge. This will become relevant later. The house attached to where I live now has a little boy living there and here is where my story begins.

When I first moved in, said boy would have been around 5 years old. I didn't really get out into the garden much as at the time I was nursing my terminally ill mother and was in her room with her practically 24/7. After she died, the pandemic hit the following year and I was in limbo mode wandering around like a zombie, I was grieving. During the pandemic, a huge trampoline was put up right against the wall that divides our properties, and directly outside my bedroom window. At first it didn't bother me, but this was the year that I was writing my book and I was lying on top of my bed with the sun shining in on a lovely warm summer day typing on my laptop, when I am aware of a little head bobbing up and down outside, in the trampoline, waving and saying hello. I thought, oh well he's a kid, nevermind, but then I was doing the same thing another summer's day when I heard a scream and thought someone may have hurt themselves, so I move my head over to look out the window and I'm met with his mother's eyes as she's jumping on the trampoline with him (so she knows exactly what is what, she knows that is my bedroom). Now, after that I have kept my curtains permanently closed and I have my light on permanently too as they are blackout curtains. So you could say it's a tad inconvenient, have I said anything? No, because I have had my fair share of neighbourly disputes and I have decided to live and let live, even though they have no regard for my privacy.

Fast forward to last year when I got Bonnie, she is 14 weeks old and completely untrained (toilet and everything) so I'm trying to acclimatise her into living in a house as she had lived in a kennel all of her life beforehand. The little boy is in his trampoline, his mother opens the upstairs window to shout something down to him, notices puppy Bonnie and yells "OH HAVE YOU GOT A NEW DOG???" and I feel it's only polite to engage in discourse with her, tell her all about the puppy and her name etc. So that's fine, right? Well a couple of days later she steps on something in her garden that allows her to look over the 6ft+ wall and declares "Can we meet Bonnie, sometime in the week as we have a gift for her and (little boy) would love to pet her?" So I say why not, no harm in that. Except every day after that he's constantly interrogating me from his trampoline "When can I meet Bonnie? When can I meet Bonnie?" until one day I give up and tell him to meet me in the front street as I'm taking her for a walk. So he and his mother come out and meet her, present her with a gift, I say thank you that is very kind and we go our separate ways. Every time I take Bonnie out into the garden (bearing in mind she is not fully toilet trained and is still having the odd accident in the house) he's on his trampoline yelling "HI BONNIE!" so there's no chance of her paying any attention to me or my training, she's too busy (at 3 months old) trying to scale a 6ft+ wall to get to the little boy. This happened regularly and it has caused a lasting impact on how she behaves as an adolescent dog. He even would tell his friends "That's Bonnie!" and every time I was outside walking her, he and his mother would introduce her to their friends, it was like she was something to share and not my pet. But still I kept my mouth shut, trying to keep the peace. I met little boy and a friend outside his house one day and he was petting Bonnie, then he yelled "Ow, she bit me!" with no mark on his finger, no blood, so that was when I decided to avoid him and never allow Bonnie within 5ft of him. Puppies nip, and that was all she did, she did not bite!!! She has NEVER bitten ANYONE!!!

So now little boy is 10 years old, he has a blond friend who comes over on a regular basis and little boy now has the biggest goal post you've ever seen to go along with the biggest trampoline. He and his friend play football and scream a lot, which kids do and I accept that. I must mention also that at the bottom of the garden there is a grandchild of the residents who plays football down there, there are two children on the right hand side (little boy is on my left) who play football also. Now the reason I am telling you this is because I rarely get footballs coming over the wall from either of them, when I do the boy next door on the right comes to the door, apologises and asks for his ball back, I get a huge thank you over the wall when I send it back too. Little boy and blond friend, despite having the hugest goal post known to man, kick over not one...not two...not three...but FOUR FUCKING BALLS in succession into my garden every time they're out there! They also jump around on the trampoline and throw balls around which land over on my side and sometimes hit my bedroom window. One day I opened my back door to screaming "EXCUSE ME-EXCUSE ME!!!" now I have social anxiety, so I shut the door and hid in my kitchen for a moment as it frightened me. You do not expect that in a private garden! So I composed myself, opened the door and noticed a ball, so I threw it over at them, not even a thank you! Three more balls came over that day!

Fast forward to today, I hear them outside playing and I anticipate going outside later to put out my bin and find at least four balls out there as usual. But I hear a bang on my window, so with pure adrenaline and rage, I march outside and say "Excuse me, that hit my window!" to which little boy says sorry. I tell them I am going to get shoes and they can have the ball back, so as I throw it over I say "Please be more careful!" and go inside, no thank you AGAIN! No sorry from the little blond shit that my dad is convinced is a bad influence and is throwing the balls over on purpose. When they are on the trampoline they can see right over into my garden and into my kitchen, so my blind is now permanently down like my bedroom curtains. Here's a photo of the layout for reference from said kitchen window, please excuse my iPad in the photo and the kitchen blind, I had to sneak as they are outside right now! I've marked where the trampoline is and where my bedroom is, also little stars to indicate where their heads usually are...STARING AT ME!!!

I have to say, I had more privacy living in a communal building than I do in my own private home, hence the reason I explained my previous living situation! It's really upsetting me and I dread stepping into my own garden!

So if you had the strength and the patience to read all that, I just want to know, am I an unreasonable asshole? Or are my feelings valid?

#nonsims non sims #it's quite a read #but I am going through hell #very stressed out #tw death #tw illness

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aughby · 4 months ago

Text

Lines We Can't Cross

I still remember the first time I noticed Yuki in a different light. It wasn't during one of his many jokes, or when he was laughing with the rest of our classmates, carefree and easygoing as always. It was during one of those moments when the world felt like it had stopped spinning for me.

We were practicing for a chorale contest at school when I received the news—my close relative had passed away. My chest tightened, and I felt a wave of guilt wash over me for not being with my family, for missing practice, for everything. I didn’t know what to do, but for some reason, I messaged Yuki about it. I don’t even know why I chose him out of all people, but in that moment of vulnerability, I just typed out my grief and sent it to him.

Yuki responded almost immediately. His words, though simple, were sincere. "Hey, don’t beat yourself up. Your family understands. And you know what? It's okay to feel sad, but don’t carry the guilt. We’re here for you." There was something about the way he made me feel heard and understood that struck me deeply. From that day, I found myself sharing more with him—not just the surface-level stuff, but the real, raw things I couldn't share with anyone else. He became more than just the class clown; he became my confidant, my source of comfort.

Before I knew it, I had fallen for him.

It wasn’t planned, of course. I mean, how could it be? Yuki, with his lighthearted teasing and jokes about how "no one should fall for him," made it seem impossible. I laughed along with him, but secretly, I was sinking deeper into my feelings. The pandemic hit, and suddenly, we weren’t seeing each other every day. At first, I thought that the distance would help me forget about him, that being away from him would allow these feelings to fade.

But the opposite happened.

Late-night chats became our norm. We shared everything—our frustrations with online classes, the emptiness of not seeing friends, the isolation. It was during these moments, behind the screen, where I realized my feelings for Yuki were more than just a crush. I was in love with him. But I never told him, not then. How could I? He was Yuki—my friend who joked about not wanting anyone to fall for him. It seemed too risky, so I kept my feelings locked away, hoping that maybe, just maybe, things would eventually sort themselves out.

Then came the end of senior year. I landed a job, one that would take me far from home. I told Yuki, expecting the same warmth in his response that I had grown used to. He congratulated me, of course, but something felt off. He was distant, not like the Yuki I had shared everything with. I tried to organize a farewell dinner, but he told me he was too busy. I even planned an outing for our whole group, but when my trip got pushed up, I had to leave without saying a proper goodbye.

I still remember the hollow feeling in my chest when I left. I hoped we would stay close, that we would keep in touch like we always had. But as the weeks turned into months, the late-night chats grew sparse. Our conversations faded, and with them, my hope of keeping that closeness alive.

Graduation day arrived, and I came home. After months of being apart, I saw Yuki again. But something was different. There was a stiffness between us, a wall I couldn’t quite place. We didn’t talk that day, not really. My best friend managed to take a few pictures of us, standing side by side, but we didn’t say a word. I congratulated him later, and he did the same. That was the last time I saw him in person.

When I heard from a friend that Yuki was moving to Italy for work, something inside me shifted. I realized this was it. If I didn’t say something now, I might never get the chance. I spent hours drafting a message, pouring out every unsaid feeling, every hope, and every fear. I hesitated to send it, but in the end, I did. I posted it in a blog, protected by a password only he could read, and messaged him right as his plane took off.

He said he’d read it once he arrived.

Days passed. Then weeks. Then months.

I never got a response. The silence stretched on, and with each passing day, I felt more foolish for confessing. Maybe he didn’t read it. Or maybe he did, and my worst fear was true—he didn’t feel the same. Eventually, I accepted that what we had was gone, the connection we built now only a memory.

Then, on Independence Day, months after I had given up hope, his reply came.

He apologized. He thanked me for sharing my feelings. But in the end, he didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about me—he did. But not in the way I had hoped. His rejection was gentle, kind, but it didn’t change the fact that my heart broke. The friendship we had once cherished now felt tainted by the weight of my unspoken love.

I couldn’t blame him. He had always been genuine with me, always honest. But in trying to express my heart, I had crossed a line that couldn’t be undone. I told myself we could still be friends, that we would move past this, but deep down, I knew things would never be the same.

Two years have passed since that message, and we haven’t seen each other since. We’ve stayed in touch, barely, but the closeness we once had is gone. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to face him again. Part of me wonders if I did the right thing, risking everything for the chance to love him. Another part of me knows that, even if it didn’t end the way I wanted, I had to let him know.

But now, all I’m left with are the memories of what we once had, and the understanding that sometimes, love isn't enough to save a friendship.

Some lines, once crossed, can never be redrawn.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yuki's POV:

People always say I'm the funny guy. The one who can make everyone laugh, turn awkward moments into jokes, and lighten the mood no matter how heavy the situation is. That’s just who I’ve always been—the joker, the guy people don’t take too seriously, and I’m okay with that. But what most don’t know is that when someone comes to me with something real, something serious, I drop the act. I listen, I care, and I try to be there for them, even if it’s just with words.

That’s how it started with her.

I didn’t think much of it at first. She was just a classmate, someone I saw around school, someone I would joke with like everyone else. But that changed when she messaged me one day, telling me that someone close to her had passed away. I could tell she was hurting. The usual jokes weren’t going to help this time. So, I said what I thought she needed to hear—something real. I told her not to carry the guilt, that her family would understand, that it was okay to feel the sadness.

What I didn’t expect was how that one conversation would change things between us.

After that, she started talking to me more, sharing things that were deeper, more personal. And honestly, I liked being that person for her. I liked that she trusted me. We became close, closer than I had ever expected. We messaged each other every day, and I found myself looking forward to our late-night talks. She was someone I could be serious with when I needed to be, but also someone I could laugh with. It was... easy.

But there was always this underlying thing. I could feel it—how she sometimes looked at me, how she would hesitate when we talked about relationships or love. I could sense that she might be starting to feel something more, but I never addressed it. I didn’t want to ruin what we had. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that, if I could give her more than what we already had. So I kept things light, made jokes, even teased her about not falling for me. It was my way of keeping distance, of protecting whatever we had.

Then the pandemic hit, and everything changed.

We couldn’t see each other in person, but we still talked—about school, life, frustrations. It became a routine, something that kept us both grounded during all the chaos. And then, before I knew it, senior year was almost over. She told me she got hired at a company and would be moving away. I congratulated her, of course, but there was this sinking feeling in my chest that I didn’t want to acknowledge. I should’ve done more. I should’ve made more time for her before she left, but I didn’t. I made excuses, said I was busy, and when she planned that farewell outing, I thought I’d catch her later. Only, she left before I got the chance.

Months passed. She was gone, and we still messaged each other sometimes, but things felt different. Graduation day came, and when I saw her again after so long, I could feel the awkwardness between us. It was like we didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore, like something had shifted, but neither of us wanted to acknowledge it. We didn’t even really talk that day, just a few words exchanged, and then she was gone again.

Then came the news—she found out I was moving to Italy for work. I didn’t tell her myself; she heard it through a friend. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t reach out to her first. Maybe because I knew things had already changed, and I wasn’t sure how to handle it. That’s when she sent me the link to her blog, said she had written something for me.

I told her I’d read it once I got to Manila. But I didn’t.

Days turned into weeks, and I kept putting it off. I don’t even know why. Maybe I was scared of what she might’ve written, scared that it would confirm what I already knew—that she had feelings for me, and I wasn’t ready to face it. Months went by, and the guilt of not responding started eating at me. I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say. How could I? I didn’t want to hurt her, but I knew I couldn’t give her what she wanted.

Then, one day, on Independence Day, I finally read it.

She had confessed her feelings—feelings she had been holding onto for so long. I could feel the weight of every word she wrote, the care, the hope. And I felt terrible for making her wait so long for a response. But I had to be honest with her. I couldn’t pretend. I couldn’t lead her on.

So I replied, months late. I told her how much I valued our friendship, how much she meant to me, but that I didn’t feel the same. It was hard to write those words, knowing that they would hurt her, but it was the truth. I couldn’t be the person she wanted me to be, and I didn’t want to give her false hope.

After I hit send, I didn’t know what to expect. I figured that was it. Our friendship was over, ruined by feelings we couldn’t control. Part of me felt relieved, like I had finally addressed the elephant in the room, but another part of me felt like I had lost something important. Something irreplaceable.

It’s been two years now since I last saw her. We don’t talk like we used to. The late-night chats have stopped, and the easygoing friendship we had has faded into something... distant. I know she’s probably moved on, and I’ve tried to do the same. But sometimes, I think back to those days when things were simpler, when we could talk for hours without the weight of unspoken feelings hanging between us.

I don’t regret being honest with her, but I do regret that things had to change. I wonder if we could have stayed friends, if there was a way to keep what we had without crossing that line. But now, it’s too late.

Sometimes, the hardest part isn’t the confession. It’s realizing that once you cross that line, you can’t go back.

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Years had passed, and life had moved on, or so she thought. The memories of Yuki were tucked away somewhere deep in her heart, only surfacing in quiet moments when she allowed herself to remember the time they had spent together—the late-night conversations, the friendship that had once been so easy. It wasn’t until tonight, at a concert she hadn’t even planned on attending, that all those buried feelings came rushing back.

As the music boomed around her and the crowd swayed to the beat, she scanned the sea of faces absentmindedly. Then she froze. There he was. Yuki. Laughing with a group of friends not too far away, looking almost the same as he had in school—except more mature, more... distant. Her heart raced, and a wave of panic hit her. She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready to face him.

Without thinking, she turned and ran.

Yuki had been enjoying the concert, trying to lose himself in the music, when he saw a flash of movement in the crowd. It took him a second to register the familiar face—her face. His heart skipped a beat. She was here. After all these years, here she was, just a few feet away. But before he could even process what he was feeling, she was running. Running away.

“Wait!” Yuki called out instinctively, his feet already moving to chase her.

She wove through the crowd, her heart pounding louder than the music. She didn’t know why she was running. Maybe it was the shock, or maybe it was the fear of facing everything she had tried to bury for so long. But she couldn’t face him—not after all this time, not after everything that had happened between them.

Yuki wasn’t about to let her disappear again. He pushed through the crowd, calling her name. The sound of his voice sent a shiver down her spine, but she kept moving. Finally, she reached the exit, breathless and shaken, but before she could make it out, a hand gently grabbed her wrist.

“Please, wait,” Yuki’s voice was soft but urgent.

She stopped, frozen in place. Slowly, she turned to face him. The years had changed him—there was a seriousness in his eyes now, something different from the carefree boy she once knew. For a moment, neither of them spoke. The noise of the concert faded into the background, leaving only the two of them in the moment.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” he said, his voice low but steady.

She swallowed, her heart still racing. “I... I didn’t mean to run.”

Yuki smiled gently. “I know. But... we can’t keep running forever, can we?”

The weight of unspoken words hung between them.

The moment felt like it stretched forever, yet it passed too quickly. She stared at Yuki, his familiar face now so different in the dim light of the street outside the concert venue. Time had changed him—broadened his shoulders, deepened the lines around his eyes—but there was something else. Distance.

“Yuki…” she began, but her voice faltered. What could she say to bridge the years of silence and the painful words left unspoken?

Yuki’s smile faded, replaced with a somber expression that mirrored the weight in her chest. “I’ve thought about you a lot,” he said quietly, his eyes not meeting hers. “About what happened between us, how we just… drifted apart.”

She felt her heart twist at his words. The memories came flooding back: late-night chats, stolen glances, the warmth of their friendship turning into something she had kept hidden for so long. The confession she had finally sent him, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’d feel the same. Only for it to be met with silence.

“You never responded,” she whispered, the hurt she had buried for so long rising to the surface. “I waited, Yuki. For months, I waited.”

He winced, the guilt clear in his eyes. “I know. And I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to reply. I didn’t want to hurt you… but I didn’t realize how much I already had by saying nothing.”

She felt the sting of tears, but she blinked them back. “You broke me,” she said, her voice trembling. “I put everything I felt into that message, and you just… left me hanging. I thought we meant something to each other. I thought I meant something to you.”

Yuki took a deep breath, the regret etched into his features. “You did. You do. But when I got your message, I… I was scared. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, and I didn’t know if I could give you what you were asking for. I wasn’t ready.”

His words hit her like a punch to the gut. All this time, she had held onto the hope that maybe, deep down, he had felt the same way but was too afraid to admit it. But hearing him now, she realized how wrong she had been.

“I loved you, Yuki,” she said, her voice breaking. “I really loved you. And you just… let me go.”

The silence between them was suffocating. Yuki looked at her, his eyes filled with sorrow. “I know,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “And I’m sorry. But I couldn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.”

Her heart shattered at his words, the final confirmation of what she had feared all along. There was no ‘what if.’ There was no going back. Everything they had was truly lost.

She looked down, biting her lip to keep from crying. She had promised herself she wouldn’t cry in front of him, not now, not after everything. “So that’s it, huh?” she said bitterly. “We’re just strangers now, after everything?”

Yuki’s silence was answer enough.

She felt the tears start to slip down her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away. She couldn’t do this anymore—couldn’t keep holding onto something that was never going to happen.

“I thought seeing you again would change things,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “But now… I realize it doesn’t. We’re not the same people we were, Yuki. And I can’t keep pretending that we are.”

He reached out as if to comfort her, but she took a step back. She couldn’t bear his touch. Not now. Not when it was all too late.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice cracking with emotion. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

She looked at him one last time, memorizing the face of the boy she had loved, the boy who had broken her heart without even knowing it. “Goodbye, Yuki.”

Before he could say anything, she turned and walked away. This time, she didn’t run. She didn’t need to. Because she knew—deep down—that this was the real goodbye. Not just to Yuki, but to the hope she had carried for so long.

And as she disappeared into the crowd, Yuki stood there, watching her go, knowing that he had lost something he would never be able to get back.

#yuki ishikawa #ryujin nippon #volleyball #fanfic #ishikawa #japan volleyball team #au

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heartache-otbs · 2 years ago

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daylight - lrh (songfic)

an: this song is stuck in my head and i figured it'd be an ouchie fic so im sorry

summary: songfic, daylight by maroon 5 (first verse / chorus)

pairing: luke hemmings x reader

warnings: angst maybe? it's sad.

word count: 767

Here I am waiting, I have to leave soon. Why am I holding on?

Luke lays under the cool silk sheets, your body close to his as he lightly caresses your face under the moonlight. He can't sleep.

He hasn't been able to sleep for weeks. He's been stressing about going off on tour, without you. He loved his job, he loved travelling the world and he loved his fans.

But he also hates his job, because it takes him away from you.

Tomorrow is the day he has to leave, you had fallen asleep pretty early, tired from helping him back and prepare. So Luke had been staring at you for hours, memorizing what your face looked like and touching every square inch of skin he could, trying to hold on to you.

We knew this day would come, we knew it all along. How did it come so fast?

Luke doesn't know why he's desperately trying to hold onto you when this day was inevitable, how could he be so upset when this day had been coming for months? Shouldn't have he accepted it by now?

He thought it was just yesterday that he came home to you, announcing that he could finally go back on tour after the pandemic. How happy you two were and how proud you were of Luke. There was so much love and happiness in that moment, yet that memory in Luke's mind has faded into a blue hue of hidden regret.

It's too soon. Luke begins having second thoughts. I can't leave.

This is our last night, but it's late. And I'm trying not to sleep. Because I know when I wake, I will have to slip away.

Luke has hit the point of exhaustion, he can barely keep his eyes open but he refuses to go to sleep. The moment he wakes up he has to get in the car and get on the road, you couldn't take him because you had a school priority that you couldn't get out of.

"That's okay," Luke had sighed when you told him that you wouldn't be able to see him off "you need to do what ya need to do YN"

Inside he was torn to shreds, knowing he couldn't kiss you at the gate made him not want to go through it.

So Luke kisses you now, soft kisses all over your face while you sleep, his soft lips lingering on your warm skin every few seconds as he makes sure to kiss every inch.

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close. Because in daylight we'll be on our own. But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.

You actually cried so much before bed. Once Luke got in the shower, you lost it. You were in such hysterics that Luke heard you from the bathroom and came out to comfort you, tears escaping his face as well.

As you held each other, Luke kept promising that he was never going to let you go. That he'd never let anything come between the two of you, that he'd hold you forever if he needed to. He made a slight joke that he wouldn't go if it made you stop crying.

Was it really a joke though?

What the big thing was about the next day, was that you two had never necessarily been separated for each other for a long period of time. You two had gotten together right before the pandemic started, so you spent all of your time at each other's houses. Moved in together pretty quickly, he hadn't gone anywhere for work and if he did you went with him, because of the pandemic you had online school.

But now with societal normalities back in place, you and Luke had to be separated from each other. Something that you both would have to learn how to deal with.

You two really didn't know how to exist without the other one on hand, some would say it was an unhealthy codependency but you and Luke were just happy.

What would you even do without Luke? It'd be so quiet. So empty. You'd no longer have his comfort coming back from class. No more making pancakes for him on Saturday mornings. Your routine will be all out of sorts, what will make up for it?

You tried not to think about it once it crossed your mind, instead, you let Luke hold you as you drifted off, sinking into the last night you had him next to you, dreading the daylight.

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the-earnest-gemini · 5 months ago

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(ALMOST) GIVING UP COFFEE, LIVING CLOSER TO FRIENDS & LIFE POST-TEACHING

SUMMER 2024 NEWSLETTER

I frequently tell the story of the time that I drank an entire pot of coffee on my own, but I’ll tell it again. Early on in the pandemic, when we were all still doing virtual school and meetings, I had taken to brewing my morning cup of coffee at my work desk. Typically, I would drink it throughout the day, but rarely finished the pot on my own, if I even bothered brewing a full pot at all. I was taking a class that made me so nervous that I wanted to crawl out of my skin, and this day in particular, I had chosen to busy my hands by sipping on coffee for the duration of the meeting. By the end of the 90 minutes, I’d consumed the whole pot and proceeded to stay awake for almost 48 hours straight. I felt so sick to my stomach that I kept praying I would get sick- anything to get it out of my system, but I didn’t. I swore I would never drink coffee again, but of course, I did, and a few short months later I was back to my regularly scheduled levels of caffeine dependence.

Recently, I’ve made the decision to quit coffee…sort of. It’s been a slow process, first cutting it down to two cups a day, then one (I thought I was going to die), and over the last couple of months I’ve made the decision to swap my coffee for green tea- with the exception of one, blessed, day of the week where my 4 a.m shift allows me to indulge in one, singular, delicious, cup of black coffee. I was a coffee drinker based on principle and function alone- what can I drink that’s going to wake me up and give me the zoomies in order to power through whatever I’m doing? It was never about the taste or how fancy it is, although I have been known to enjoy a fancy cup of coffee from time to time. Even still, I loved gas station coffee and soy peppermint mochas equally, and I didn’t think I would ever give it up. Even less did I expect to become the type of person who wakes up extra early in the morning to put a kettle on and whisk my matcha powder in a bowl before topping it off with crushed ice and oat milk- I think I even made a joke about it less than a year ago. But here I am, regardless. This, amongst other things, is one of the changes that occurred in my life since deciding to live a more intentional, slow-paced life following my career change. Since slowing down, I’ve become so much more in tune with my body, emotions, and feeling physical sensation. It didn’t take long for me to realize that drinking so much coffee was actually making me sick, flaring up certain symptoms and undoubtedly contributing to my spiked cortisol levels, and so, begrudgingly, did I make the switch.

Plenty of other things have changed since I decided to leave my job as a public school teacher. I realized just how much of my identity was wrapped up in the “what do I do” portion of my life. Very little of my identity was shaped by who I was as a person, what I valued, and the things I cared about. So much of my identity was about my relationships, the ability to provide for others, and how highly I could achieve while doing so. Unsurprisingly, when these things ceased to function in the same way they used to, certain relationships ended, and my life took turn after turn, I found out, very quickly, that I had no idea who I was at all. The last few years have been a series of tearing down, rebuilding, and learning. I’ve done more reading and writing than I have in several years, and have become increasingly in touch with a creative part of myself that I’d sworn off during my Undergraduate degree; the same creativity that as a teacher was met with, “but why?” – I digress.

A value that I’ve uncovered surprisingly recently is having good people in my orbit- old friends, new friends- people who are interested in investing into our relationship; people who I am able to be comfortable around and feel fully like myself (a whole separate practice I could write essay on essay about). I recently took a trip to visit some of my oldest friends in Denver and it hit me like a ton of bricks: this is what community feels like, this is what “feeling known” is. That trip, and a previous visit I’d taken to see some friends from school, have been really enlightening for me. As a result I’ve made it a priority to try and keep touch with these people as much as possible, as well as to continue to explore the new relationships I’ve created more recently. It’s interesting for me, I suppose, to gain the perspective of how many of my previous relationships were built on proximity or professionalism. I wonder frequently how many people in my life really “knew me” or were interested in me, and how many of them were just interested in the things that I could do- more specifically, the things I could do for them. I have very little interest in relationships built on anything other than genuine connection these days, as hard work as it is to create a connection based on that. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that curiosity and honesty seems to go a long way in doing so. Now, to convince some of my friends to move closer to me… then, I would be completely satisfied.

In other news, I’ve been making a lot of zines recently and spending some time recording things and learning how to mix and master tracks. Many of these projects are private and will continue to stay that way, especially because much of it is incredibly slow work, but I’ve placed a few things down below that I feel proud of and comfortable enough to share. I’ve been watching tons of Studio Ghibli films, taking pictures, and potting plants. I’m learning about peat-free soil blends and propagating like a fiend these days to prepare for an event I’m doing in September. I start my grad work here in a few days. Though it feels slow, sometimes I think I can feel the gears turning. Occasionally, I feel like there is some sense of direction in my life, though for the most part it feels like wandering, aimlessly. Maybe that’s okay.

For now,

Emma

#personal blog #journal entry #photo dump #newsletter #digital diary #life update #summertime #summer #zines #perzine #zine making #zine

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genshinconfessions · 17 days ago

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I feel really bad about this but it's been weighing on my mind and I'm thankful for blogs like this. I've been playing Genshin since launch. Yeah, I'm old haha, I'm 26 (I know that's not old but in relation to the fandom), but Genshin was my first step into open world type games back during the pandemic and I've been keeping detailed notes on lore with each update

I don't usually interact with fandom spaces a lot. I use this tumblr to lurk mostly, so I've seen the amazing art and fanfictions people have written, and I've even written a few of my own! Over the years I've been working on trying to be more active in fandom spaces, so I reached out to some discord friends to ask how they make mutuals and fandom friends. Recently, I got invited to join a discord server that was about roleplaying as Genshin characters and I thought that would be a really interesting way to delve into the characters!

Let it be clear it's been about two months since this happened

TL;DR at the bottom, I'm very sorry, I never know when to stop talking

The server was smaller, 18+ age group, the layout was nice and pretty, and not just the owner greeted me when I joined but other members too. I won't go into more detail about the layout of the server since they might see this, but I felt nice and welcomed. I made my "sheet" with my basic information, and before I could skim through the other people's basic info, I was tagged and asked which character I wanted to be for general role playing purposes. I went with Alhaitham as he's my favorite sumeru character and it looked like most of the other sumeru roles were taken in the server. All good, right?

I dot all the i's and cross all the t's and the server owner says I'm good and I drop an rp invite in the appropriate chat and wait. And wait. And wait. My request gets buried by other members of the server after about two weeks, and I think maybe that's normal, I'll still chat in the server. There's a discussion happening about Lyney and Lynette's outfits in the main chat and I hop in, adding a little comment that I thought that they were a really cool way to introduce the House of Hearth and other parts of the Fatui, especially since when Fontaine first came out we hadn't had much new news on the Fatui since the Chasm and the Sumeru Archon Quest. One other person agreed but then I got told to be quiet and that I was spoiling the Fontaine quest

Well, more like they said "sshhuuuuusshhh, some of us aren't there yetttt loll", which isn't as harsh but just as strange

I apologized, said that I'd been playing since launch and that I'd be happy to put spoiler tags, if they just told me how far into the game they were even though the Fontaine quest has been fully released for a year. Besides the initial person who agreed with me, they all said that they were in Liyue. No problem! Well.. besides for the roleplaying part where they all were playing Sumeru characters

So I tried asking them about how far they were into Liyue's Archon Quest, one person asked me what an archon quest was and I stopped talking in the general chat. Don't get me wrong, newer players are what keep games relevant and can bring new ideas to fandom spaces! But like it's weird to be rping as characters from part of the game you don't know about, right? Idk, maybe I'm just not what the server is looking for

Last ditch effort I dropped one more rp request in the rp request channel, and the server's Collei responded so I chatted with them for a second before making a thread to rp in. I was so giddy to finally roleplay, especially since Collei and Alhaitham could have some really interesting interactions! In my head they're study buddies but I wanted to explore how the other person saw the situation. I set up a scenario where they would meet, referenced some locations around the Akademiya to help set the scene and some other characters, and waited for their response. The response was: "real quicc whos daena, faruzan, and naphis :3"

...

I checked the ages in everyone's intros and saw that the vast majority ranged from 16-18. In an 18+ server. I might have actually been the only + in that 18+. I left the server and I haven't found the urge to really look for a new server since. Maybe I'm being too sensitive about an anime-style mobile game, but I was genuinely really excited to get to meet people who like genshin and I felt like I was, idk let down? Has this happened to any other people trying to roleplay in the genshin community?

TL;DR, Been playing since launch and wanted to interact with the fandom more. Joined an rp server for the first time, advertised as 18+, and selected a Sumeru character to play as since everyone else was a Sumeru character. Was ignored in the server when reaching out for rp and then told that most of the people in the server hadn't played the game past unlocking Liyue on the map. Then discovered that the server actually had quite a few 16-17 year olds in it, making it not actually an 18+ server, and I left before I could get any more frustrated and confused. It's made me sad and now I just need to tell someone about it. How about even more strangers on the internet?

i will preface this by saying that i do not have any experience with genshin RPs, nor do i interact much with the general fandom.

it's certainly wrong of them to advertise as an 18+ server when many of their members were not 18+

this all comes back to smth we've tried to make clear on our page: the genshin fandom is extremely young and has many characteristics of a young fandom, including young members who have never been in fandomspace before and therefore do not know fandom etiquette

i'd say similar experiences are probably common enough, anon :( a lot of ppl have come onto our page and said that they're annoyed with how a lot of genshin fandomers behave, and that's either turned them off from the game completely, or just turned them away from the fandom

regardless, i'm sorry that you had to go through that :( i've tried similar things with other fandoms i've been in and it's always really disappointing to think that you've found a good space and have it turn out to be... not that.

#genshin #genshin confessions #genshin impact #rp

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notimminent · 10 months ago

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So time to be sappy on main.

The top left picture was taken March 12, 2015. Two days after making my Emma blog. I was about to graduate high school and go to college, leave the nest and be independent. Hoping to start my career in acting. 2015 was one of the hardest years of my life and one of the most emotionally traumatic. My first college boyfriend wasn’t a nice person to me, to be vague. 8 months of my life was taken up by him with my only escape being tumblr as I made the dumb mistake of getting him into my colleges theater program.

Throughout these years, through ups and downs, tumblr and Emma have been there for me.

I got married this year. I never even imagined myself having a wedding, let alone finding someone who balanced my weirdness with a nerdy grounding in science. I went from being taken advantage of by the theater system where I was interning at (80 hrs a week with being paid only $150 and no housing accommodations) where I met my future husband because I had no time to meet people so I downloaded hinge at 11pm in the stage managers booth and he commented on my Carmen Sandiego cosplay, to being jobless during the pandemic and trying to figure out where I fit into the world. Theater didn’t exist in lockdown, not the way I knew it. During lockdown was when I got my first acting role outside of college. I was in a short film and it won an award.

Since lockdown, I did retail and now work a stinky corporate job. Most importantly, though, I’m doing what I wanted to do since I was a child. I’m auditioning and acting on camera. I’m a lead role in an indie film (top right photo was taken on set last weekend) and have a few other projects that will hopefully be in the works. I’m able to actually try to learn about my mental health and learn who I am and try to grow from the trauma I’ve endured. I am in such a different place than I thought I would be in 2015 and I’m so proud of myself.

2015 Shannon, hoping you were going to make it and do acting, you’re doing it. You are working towards your goal and learning to love yourself. I like to think you’d be proud of me, and I’m so proud of what we’ve become and what we are going to continue to grow to be.

9 years and counting.

#sappy post #ooc #ooc;;#[ out of breath ;; ]#I blame ghostbusters for making me emotional #sorry this is gross because mobile #[ mobile post ;; ]#[ Munday ;; ]#[ my face ;; ]

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cindylouwho-2 · 8 months ago

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RECENT SEO & MARKETING NEWS FOR ECOMMERCE, MAY 2024

As promised, here are the important news stories from marketing recently: SEO, social media, advertising, and more.

If you want to get this news twice-weekly instead of just once a month, become a paying member of my Patreon: patreon.com/CindyLouWho2