#when we got to the end and i saw the houses i legit cried like a baby

[evadingreallife]

Sooo guess who took a wrong turn in the mountains and got lost up in the woods trying to get down to the valley below among the most uneven dangerous untravellable steep steep fucking steep and muddy path ever.

Feat. my elderly parents with 1. a bad knee and 2. a crippling fear of heights, car paths that didnt end up anywhere besides yet another cliff, rain looming in the distance, the sun possibly going down before we got down to the real road, one (1) tree trunk completely blocking the path so you had to hug it, hop over and trust in the sheer chaos of it to slide to the other side and multiple fallen trees partway blocking a path that was like max 20 cm wide already. With the nearly vertical muntainside below and above. And a haunted guest house at the end of the path of course. Creepy. But! We got back! And my feet hurt. uwu.

[theworldoffostering]

You guys, I feel like I’m drowning. These past three weeks have felt unmanageable to me. Like, I don’t know how to keep going.

I’m walking alongside (trying the best I know how) the older girls as one navigates this break up and the other tries to transition to college. We got DD a car, but it still needs a few repairs. She was here all afternoon today working on it with DH.

I am waiting for the updated version of Ms. 6’s IEP to hit my inbox to send it off to the school. I am also working on her housing contract. Then I think I can step back for a few weeks. Still trying to figure out what’s going on with graduation. Her mom is back to letting her go to it and maybe allow her to stay for dinner, but it’s Memorial Day weekend and I don’t want to put a deposit down for a dinner somewhere only to have her not be allowed to attend at the last minute. I also don’t want to disappoint her. I’m unsure of how to proceed, so I’m just sort of frozen.

DS takes his civics test next week. You have to pass in order to graduate high school. He has prepared and seems like he will do well. He’s also pole vaulting and doing well at that for being a novice and having very little practice time due to the crummy weather we’ve been having.

Work is a lot right now. It’s to be expected due to the time of year. I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s a lot to slog through.

DH was verbally offered a job this week as a special education teacher. He is supposed to return to school to get his teaching certification in about a week, and is waiting for a letter of intent via email from the potential employer. It’s a lot. We are trying to manage the financial aid piece and we are up against a super tight deadline right now. His interview for the job was virtual, so he’s heading to the school next week to actually tour it and meet his potential coworkers. In the spirit of living in a small town, one of the women he used to live who was in live with him (for real)—the housing situation was work related—works at the school. She has legit not spoken to myself or DH since he and I got engaged so that seems like it will be super awkward (although she is also married now and has kids).

DH is finally seeing a decent therapist and between the therapist and neuropsych eval he had done during fall, it is apparent he is super depressed. Depressed is apparently his baseline and super depressed happens quite a bit. It is helpful to have it identified, but wow, it is a lot to live with. I am really struggling as his wife because he cannot do much and is not really emotionally available 90% of the time. He’s so inwardly focused, that he cannot focus on me, the kids, relationships, stuff that needs to be done, etc. I’m drowning and he cannot take on any of the workload. It sucks.

My endocrin had me take b12 supplements the last three months and my level actually decreased. I’m starting up with b12 injections next week. My TSH is also super, super low which means I’m hyperhyroid and should be losing weight, but I’m gaining which also sucks.

My endocrin is out of network for me which means my injections will be out of network. I have ZERO out of network benefits. The whole healthcare system is atrocious. I refuse to go back to the three endocrins I saw before I connected with my current one. They were all terrible, but in network. I need a super expensive full body scan but I for sure cannot pay for that out of pocket, so I’m waiting to see if my GP will prescribe it when I see him in June.

My crown also broke this week and when the dentist looked at it, I had worn a hole clear through the middle. He said it was due to grinding/stress. I wear a mouth guard religiously at night, so it’s happening during the day. :-/ Cue more medical bills. They glued my current one back on and can’t get me in to work on repair until June. I almost cried when trying to schedule with them because I just cannot even do all of this any more. (It also hurt wicked bad last time they fixed it so I’m somewhat terrified to return.)

That’s my list of complaints/brain dump. There’s more, but I need to wrap up some grading and get dinner going. I miss a life that was easier and less complicated.

[cits-ocs]

I don't use this acc very often but it's 3 AM rn, I want to ramble about my characters. No pinned post about each of them yet, so I'll use this as an opportunity to get people to know my fellas.

We'll start off with Andres and Indah, my two OCs who I've been focusing on a lot, since a lot happens in their story. I'm going to start from how they were conceived and how they are now.

Back in June 2021, I was reading Legs That Won't Walk, a Korean BL that involved gang members and stuff. I was getting angry from it, because man was it just so toxic but I was like, "I'll make characters that aren't as toxic as them!"

Lo and behold, my 2021 design of Indah and Andres, respectively. (Fun fact I designed Andres off of a picrew I made of him. Indah's hair was just bullshitted.)

Indah back then was just cold, not necessarily apathetic. Like the kinda mean sort of bad boy. Andres stayed the same-ish, he's just a mean goober.

So, we got the designs and personality. Now it's backstory time...

In 2021, I was also sort of interested in human trafficking? It will come into play later, but basically I decided their backstories will be darker than the usual. Like, besides domestic abuse, there's going to be actual crimes.

Their backstories were ROUGH, the worst part is I didn't even have a solid story. Just a stupid vague one and nothing ever stuck, it was just a mist. Since I didn't have a story when developing their backstories, the backstories were more fleshed out than the actual story.

Anyways, let's talk about their original awful backstories, starting with...

Andres P. Matay!

(I removed "Cris" in his name since I ended up having a character whose nickname is Cris.)

He's a Filipino, grew up in the Mindanao part of the Philippines. He had a twin sister, but his dad and mom separated and the mom left to go somewhere and took the sister. So now, it's just him and his dad. They're poor, so his dad had to do multiple jobs to keep them going.

One day, when he was like 13 or so, he came home and saw the police outside his house. Turns out, his dad's been murdering people and using their meat for food. Like, the food Andres ate that contained meat? Yeah, human meat. Now his dad is in jail and he doesn't want to eat meat because he's afraid it's gonna be human meat. So he has no dad now, he's gonna be in the care of social workers.

He was put in an orphanage (or was just a squatter kid. I don't know, I had 2 ideas for this part) and ran away, but then he meets his uncle, who he thought was going to help him. Nah, his uncle kidnaps him. Now here's where my interest in human trafficking came in! He's sent out to be a child soldier.

For some context, in 2017, there was actually this thing called the Marawi war. I was pretty young at the time so I didn't care for it, but the basic gist is there were ISIS terrorists so there was a war in that city.

Andres was supposed to be a child soldier in that war, sent out by ISIS. (There were actually reports of child soldiers in the war) and yeah, long story short, shit horrified him. After the war was over, he had nothing, because the city he lived in is in ruins and he has no relatives to help him. He's skilled with guns so he becomes a criminal, ends up as a hitman. That was his bsckstory.

I made drastic changes lol, because it was just too edgy.

Now it's time for...

Mohammed Indah Monanandara!

(I actually thought "Mohd" was legit just the name but it's just a short version of Mohammed... He wasn't even muslim anymore when he changed his name.)

Okay, this one is like, edgy for the sake of edgy. I'll keep it short because I didn't even think of his backstory as much as Andres.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF RAPE OR SEXUAL ASSAULT

Indah is half-Thai, half-Indonesian. Why? I was active in this server during 2021, and one of the people there was Thai and I was watching Nanno too, so I was like "hm Thailand seems cool" but I forgot where the Indonesia part came from, but the Thai part came after Indonesia. Also that friend made me his surname (I just checked now and it's actually spelled "Monanandra" but ehhh...). Anyways he grew up in Indonesia, in Jakarta. He was also born a girl, this comes into play later.

He had a normal family and was a smart student. Until when he was in highschool, his father suddenly got into debt with like a gang. They lost money. I forgot how this ties into the next part, but the next part is one day, Indah gets confessed to by a male classmate of his. He declines. After school, the classmate and his friends found him alone on the school campus and... SA'd him. Then he got pregnant. Then he gave birth to a child (he kept her).

I was inspired by the first episode of Nanno season 2. Spoilers for Nanno, but first ep, Nanno curses this playboy guy to get pregnant. When I saw the stuff, the idea just popped in.

After that part of his backstory, it was really just empty stuff? I had the vague idea wherein he gets trafficked too or something, and then meets this gang leader who helps him out, etc. etc. Now he's a high ranking gang member.

In his revamp, I only kept the first few parts, then just filled in the rest of the empty spots. Why did I keep the SA part even though it kind of felt... weird? Because I have a friend who likes Indah and relates to him because of that. So, I felt obligated to just keep it in.

Ok this post is like very long and took me almost an hour to write.

Fun fact, Monanandara is spelled as "มรอนันตรา" and means "eternal death" which is very cool

Part 2 will be the next

Part 2, I'll mainly talk about how I revamped them and how they are currently compared to their 2021 versions. And I'm going to start tagging my posts with my characters' names

[adultswim2021]

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job #17: “Robin” | January 7, 2008 - 12:15AM | S02E07

This could be my least favorite episode of the series so far, which is really too bad. The Robin wraparound, in which Eric buys Tim his own Robin Williams, is funny and quite memorable. Everything else is sorta middling for various reasons. In that wraparound, Robin is played by David Born, who is a noted Robin Williams impersonator. He has a pretty legit career as a character and voice actor. Recently some friends and I spotted him in the Chuck Norris/Jonathan Brandis film Sidekicks, which featured him in a minor role. We all thought he looked familiar and looked him up, shocked to see that he was the titular Robin from this episode. 

Tim and Eric’s comedy is sorta interesting in that it seems like it’s fairly good at not relying on specific cultural references almost at all. But they also love bad celebrity impersonators, which indirectly is a cultural reference in of itself. Some people might be too young to know who Robin Williams is at all. It’s important to know that Robin was often derided by other comics but they’d usually take it all back after meeting him; by all accounts he was one of the nicest guys in the world.

The annoying hyperactive persona on display here is pretty accurate. But the ending (featuring a cameo from Keith Crawford, I think?) where Robin shows up to give Tim & Eric a thumbs up for reuniting and doing their thing on stage is also very accurate; he was indeed a fan of comedy, and sought out things that were cutting-edge. I do believe that he liked Tim & Eric and I vaguely recall Tim talking about meeting him and having a very positive experience.

Going further back, if you watch Bob Odenkirk and David Cross’ sketches on Comic Relief, they are notably a cut above what anyone else was doing on that show. But Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg would furrow their brow and act like what they did was too weird too be funny. I remember Whoopi shaking her head after their sketch and saying “I must be getting old.” Robin was the outlier in being supportive of those guys, and was clearly a fan.

When I saw the Comedians of Comedy Show in San Francisco, I was hanging out in line with some friends. While driving in, I did what my mom always does, which is point to the hillside where Robin Williams house was. “You know Robin Williams lives over there” I said, mocking my mother unnecessarily. Naturally, Robin became a running topic on that trip. For some reason I started reminiscing about a particular ad advertising Burger King toys for the film Jumanji. This involved me imitating the ad, which cried the name of the movie over and over. As I was doing this, Robin fucking Williams speed-walked past me and got in line for the show. He was just there to be a comedy fan, and some dipshit is screaming the name of one his movies, completely gratuitously. A hilarious coincidence, sure. But man, I felt like a schmuck. I ain’t trying to make Robin Williams feel weird about attending the same show I am!

As for the rest of this episode: we got Dressed to Impress, which is a decent Dougpound bit. We got Dunngeon, which features Richard Dunn in a mesh shirt interviewing Dave Navarro. Dave plays his part pretty straight, and you almost wanna believe that when he gets up and leaves in the middle of the sketch that it’s a genuine moment. The outtakes on the DVD show him giggling during the shooting, so I wouldn’t take it too seriously. Tim & Eric play a German goth band. It’s not very strong; in fact I forgot these characters ever existed.

There’s Demons, which is a hidden camera prank thing that sorta devolves to a point where it didn’t really need to be a hidden camera prank. Tim & Eric hold auditions for a fake horror movie and over-laugh at a mild gaffe and then share an awkward group hug with, I believe, Stephanie Courtney, acting as another producer. This bit isn’t very satisfying. I remember promos making use of this footage in a more effective way, featuring footage of the actors acting scary that wasn’t in the actual episode. They end it with a clip of Will Forte from season one gently saying “I’m a demon”, a line I was never super fond of. Brandon please don’t put that on our discord soundboard. Please. 

Noted wad Rainn Wilson appears in a sketch about an Encyclopedia that just lists numbers. Honestly, this is an okay sketch. But my aversion to Rainn Wilson is just too strong. I don’t want misery inflicted on anyone, but I would experience significant schadenfreude if he were to ever be found out to be a despicable human being. I envision white supremacist compound for him, with maybe a smattering of sex trafficking. I’m not saying I’ve heard anything; I’m unfairly profiling him based on finding his personality abrasive in interviews. I remember growing to despise him while listening to The Office DVD commentary tracks. Why the fuck was I listening to The Office DVD commentary tracks, anyway? I believe both Rainn Wilson and the Dunngeon set (I’ll be surer when I see the episode again) gets reused in Tim & Eric Nite Live.

Pound for pound, this might be the weakest episode yet. But it’s far from worthless.

EPHEMERA CORNER

New Year’s First on the First (January 1, 2008)

On January 1st, Adult Swim did a cool marathon where they played the first episode of each of their shows in reverse chronological order of when they aired. This included a rebroadcast of the original Brak Show pilot “Leave It to Brak”, which was later reworked into “Mr. Bawk Ba Gawk”. The pilot version had drawn backgrounds instead of photo-realistic ones. This was the first time they aired this pilot on Adult Swim proper. It’s original airing was a stealth showing on Cartoon Network, before Adult Swim was a thing.

Notably, they sometimes swapped the first-aired episode for the first-produced episode. Also I can pick out a few things where they didn’t seem to always go by strict reverse chronological order, at least not by air date. Here’s the schedule (as always, thank you swimpedia):

11:00 Fat Guy Stuck in Internet: Threshold

11:15 The Drinky Crow Show: Mermaid

11:30 Superjail!: Bunny Love

11:45 That Crook'd 'Sipp: That Tree of Strife

12:00 Xavier: Renegade Angel: What Life D-D-Doth

12:15 Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!: Dads

12:30 Saul of the Mole Men: A New Friend

12:45 Assy McGee: Murder by the Docks

1:00 Frisky Dingo: Meet Killface

1:15 Metalocalypse: The Curse of Dethklok

1:30 Moral Orel: The Lord's Greatest Gift

1:45 Minoriteam: Operation Blackout!

2:00 Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil: He's Not the Messiah, He's a DJ

2:15 12 oz. Mouse: Hired

2:30 Squidbillies: This Show Is Called Squidbillies

2:45 Robot Chicken: The Deep End

3:00 Tom Goes to the Mayor: Bear Traps

3:15 Perfect Hair Forever: Perfect Hair Forever

3:30 Stroker & Hoop: C.A.R.R. Trouble (a.k.a. Feelin' Dirty)

4:00 The Venture Bros.: The Terrible Secret of Turtle Bay (Director's Cut)

4:30 Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Rabbot

4:45 Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law: Bannon Custody Battle

5:00 Sealab 2021: I, Robot

5:15 The Brak Show: Leave It to Brak*

5:30 Space Ghost Coast to Coast: Spanish Translation

5:45 Space Ghost Coast to Coast: Gilligan

[doesntseeyourbeauty]

👻 helloooo, happy friday, the 13th fellow witch!!! :) 👻

I think the basic ones are so cute too though, and mine are very basic too for now. I'm hoping to have more free time so I can dedicate myself to it a little more. OMG, yes, I'm also a big fan of their bracelets!!!!! heart eyes for both of them!! 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

yes, I think it'll be!!! I have to find the time and the will to do them! hehe I've been so exhausted lately it's been hard doing anything. yeah... i could go somewhere else, but I'll wait! ^^ YES, I'M SO EXCITED ELIZABETH, IT'S MY FIRST TAYLOR CONCERT! :')

ooooh, I hope you're all having fun watching the concert movie!!!!! 🤍

aaaah, that's tough, but it must also be so nice living somewhere like that! I sometimes feel so claustrophobic in the city.

oh, I'm also crazy obsessed in love with twilight, still to this day. hehehe I'm glad you also understand that! awww long live is the cutest song to ever exist!

It does!!! There's no one else who can write anything remotely similar to hers and I think that is so incredible!!! We see so many songs that are so similar in so many different way nowadays everywhere, but there isn't really any that can be mistaken for hers. She's such a genius, a whole genre, so unique!!

Having siblings can be a challenge, but it's also so wonderful!

oh, that's amazing!!! wow I saw your pic of her and she's the cutest dog!!!! It makes me so happy you did that. hehe I can relate, my cat would also eat all the cat food in the house in one sitting if i allowed it. :p

I'll give it a listen, I've heard some beabadoobee songs and I really enjoyed them. ah, I've also been very much obsessively listening to that Olivia song!

Have a wonderful weekend!

hiiiiiiiiii!! happy Friday the 13th 🔮 to my fellow witch!! :))

I just don’t have a lot of time for more intricate ones, but let me tell you, if I could work from home, I would definitely make cooler ones! Mine are all pretty much just pony beads and alphabet beads 😂😂 right like their talent like????? I’m constantly in awe of coco and jen’s talent in making bracelets 🤍

IT’LL BE YOUR FIRST?? omg you are going to have the BEST TIME!!!! Taylor has gone above and beyond with the eras tour and I’m so excited you’ll get to see it for your first Taylor show! I love that you’ll get to see her go through the eras (well except debut but we aren’t gonna talk about that one 🙃) rather than just having highlights of certain songs on a tour that’s focused on an album.

our showing isn’t until 7:30 PDT but I’m super excited bc we’re all gonna get ready together! I actually ended up driving about 4 hours to see the movie with my friends (I recently moved for my job and used to live like 20 minutes away from them lol) so I’m tired but pumped at the same time!

It is but I actually went from a big city to a more rural area back in August! I lived south of Portland for the last 7 years but moved back to the town my family lives in because I got a better job than what I had previously. I will say one perk about the small town is that it has the BEST taco truck ever so I can’t complain much! Yeah being back in the city I used to be in has been wild because I’ve forgotten how busy it gets and how bad traffic can be!

SAME! I recently saw where someone has been making the twilight saga but with muppets and let me tell you, it was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time!! Long Live is such a sweet song and I legit cried when Taylor played it at my eras tour show!

yes!!! Taylor has cultivated her sound over the years and turned it into something that is so uniquely her! She also has been working with a lot of the same people over the years so it just makes it all sound so much more consistent (like Jack, Liz Rose and more recently Aaron Dessner)!

It can be! Sometimes it’s wild because my older brother and I can get mistaken for a couple (even though he’s very openly gay) and it’s always so funny when people realize we’re siblings! Mind you this happened recently too at our favourite taco truck 😂😂

she’s the absolute sweetest girl in the whole world and I’m so lucky to be her mom! Oh let me tell you, Kayla cannot be left alone around food sometimes. Once I was eating chicken nuggets and she straight up took one from my plate when I wasn’t paying attention. She has also stolen fries out of my hand when I wasn’t looking. The joys of having a rescue who was a street dog 😂 Winnie is much more well behaved in that sense but she’s definitely a talker! She’s half Siamese and loves to just talk at anyone who’ll listen to her!

I love Bea! She has this amazing sound and I really love her voice (I’m also just a damn sucker for anything that sounds like her music)! Plus she’s someone that Taylor likes as well, since she opened for the eras tour for like 12 shows, and taylor dedicated our song to Bea at her first opening show!

I LOVE GUTS SO MUCH LIKE ITS UNREAL!!!! I love sour but I feel like you could really feel the teenage angst in guts (which is my favvvvvvvv). I’m such a sucker for any music that sounds remotely like paramore - which Olivia does sound like!

I Hope you have the loveliest of weekends and I can’t wait to talk to you more soon! 🤍🤍🤍

[khodorkovskaya]

23.08.23

aïe aïe aïe i posted a recap of the altin gun concert but the tumblr app just like didn't post it and now it's gone, great!

but anyway, yeah, if it works this time the video will appear here:

so yeah there were soooo many people. here is a pic my parents took and another one from nik's story:

i managed to squeeze myself through the crowd and get to the first row ofc. and i went through so many emotions... when they played this i cried. and at the end i screamed MARRY ME at merve at the top of my lungs, i hope she heard me lol. she's soooo hot oh my...

the only downside is that i didnt see many real fans at the concert. most people just stood there or worse were talking. meanwhile i jumper up and down and danced like crazy and screamed the lyrics in turkish lol. did i annoy a lot of people? probably. but i wasn't just gonna stand there while my favourite band was playing. the emotions i felt you guys...

my oxford bestie and i wanted to go to sarajevo to see lepa brena live at the zetra arena in april but now im scared because i feel like if i see her live i will just die like i will go into cardiac arrest.

so yeah, so many emotions!

other than that panda and i went to this event yesterday and i didn't network with anyone, i just ate. a lot. the buffet was so good you guys. but i legit couldnt move afterwards. it was too much.

and today i was at the library as always and i saw this girl i knew in college. and it like disturbed me idk.

so a bit of a back story, i bumped into another girl i went to college with on the street the other day. and i remember i really wanted to be friends with her but she like never reciprocated and idk why. we would talk at break time, we texted a bit, we went to germany for an exchange together, she came to my house for a party once. like we got along fine and i really wanted to get to know her bc idk she was just cool. but every time id ask her to hang out she'd just say "yeah yeah" and it never went any further. and then i got a bit frustrated and stopped initiating things and she stopped talking to me all together bc it was always me who'd make the first move.

then she stopped going to school and to be frank with you i hadn't noticed. i thought she just missed a couple of classes because we only had one class together that year and i didn't see her much anyway. but then after graduation i bumped into her on the tram and she said that she had fallen ill and had to drop out. and i felt horrible. because i was selfish thinking that she didn't like me, but she was at the hospital and i hadn't even noticed or sent a "how are you" text. i felt super guilty.

and ever since then idk, id always thought about her as like "the one who got away" in a way, you know what i mean? because i feel like we could've been great friends but she didn't like me as much as i liked her and plus she had fallen ill and things happened and i never got the chance to like become her friend. like i remember every time we'd find ourselves like alone at breaktime or on that trip to germany and we'd have these great conversations, but then things would get in the way and it always felt like we never had enough time. at least on my end. idk.

and ive bumped into her on the street god knows how many times. i haven't seen people i was actually close with in college as much as ive seen her! and every time im like "let's get coffee" and she just goes "uh-huh" and that's it. and then i bump into her again and im like god damn it, i missed my chance again! and this has been going on for literal years. things like this really make me think that im autistic

so i bumped into her again this week!

and today i saw her from across the hall talking to another girl from high school! and this is where it gets weird.

so this other girl who was with her, i remember her quite well! we were always partners in chemistry class and we did a project about nitsche for philosophy class and i think we had french together too, did we? and i remember she had a dog and liked anime. and i remembered all those things about her. and i literally haven't thought about her in yearssss! ...and i couldn't remember her name.

i was like shit. okay. chemistry class. nietzsche. dog. anime. what's her name damn it????? i couldn't remember it.

and it made me feel weird. because in order to try and remember her name i started to like dig up all those memories from college. and the more i thought about it the weirder it got. bc on one hand im like huh 2018 wasn't so long ago was it? but then i remember ahhhh chemistry class ahhhh p.e. ahhh being a teenager. it all seems so surreal. and i don't remember any of it clearly. it's all in this like weird fog.

and it sucks because i feel like since i was permanently in this "foggy" state in high school it like stunted my growth. because i missed out on so many normal teenage experiences that i can't catch up on now. like instead of having a normal relationship, i had umm my 30 yr old ex. instead of going to normal teenage parties i went to germany with a 50 year old drug addict. and i was so in my head... like. i really wasn't present. and while everyone else made lifelong friends i was just. not present.

and like it's not a big deal. at least i had the parties and the drugs and the boyfriend, right? i wasn't a loner, i wasn't bullied, i was fine. but it just like... frustrated me. that like. the "girl who got away" got a girlfriend, while i was hanging out with my 30 yr old. and she's in touch with my other former friend from highschool. meanwhile i was too busy to maintain friendships bc i was hanging out with my 30 yr old. it's all very frustrating bc i can't get that time back. i can't catch up on everything ive missed out on. and now im this friendless loser who can't remember anyone's name.

[little666wrath]

So like this is what happened…I’m being abused and been in and out of psychwards for the past 4 months. Nothing but God and Jesus were being shoved down my throat. I prayed everyday sometimes more so if I had nothing to do. I have been come crippled and my irl hell is way to much mentally I can’t go on. So October (like two weeks ago) I just came home from the plainview Long Island hospital were i was bleeding and injuries and I begged them to keep me safe. They didn’t even notice I just got dressed and walked out <23 female with a walker and boot on here leg? For 20 min I waited outside to see if someone would notice. Not until my dad went to look for me did a nurse notice I left and came out and yelled at me.

Like I was heavily just holding on that god will give me serenity as a chanted na meetings for month. Trust god right.

So I come home that night feeling hopeless that my suffering will never end. I went to shower and my pain just over took and I fell down crying. No one in my house cared (I’m nearly blind in one eye dude to hitting my head on a car door)

With all that being said I gave up on god. I said no god would make this beautiful girl with a pure soul suffer this much. So I said fuxk it im selling my soul to Satan. So I got up out of the shower <put my first satanic shirt with a cat on it. Love it> some nice pants. Sat down and cried. I held a sharp object and just went to town to numb my pain. To prove I was in reality. I just could not believe my out come.

So I said Lucifer if you make all my dreams come true and get me out of my earthly hell I’ll forever show you true love. That’s all I have left. He saw me and took me that second. No hesitation and as I bleed I felt serenity like the world stopped. I felt safe.

I went downstairs to take all my medicine <like 8 or 9 different ones all every 6 hours> I haven’t taken it that night because of the hospital and then Kristina was abusing me and it was a mess. So I wait till 3:33 am my safe hour. And a mess broke out. <keep in mind I just hurt myself> Kristina started harassing me and I threw a water bottle at her and it nicks head and oh boy was in for it. He turns around and his face was legit all black red eyes. He ran over to me and screamed at me as I fell down. I was on my back legs up <broken foot> and he start threatening me saying he was gonna send me to a psych ward forever and never let me see the light of day again if I don’t clean up my act and stop acting like this. I was holding my ears crying and sobbing and I finally got up and ran to my room and I was having full PTSD attack. Like I was screaming they were following me I was calling 911 screaming for help and all they’d said is “calm down or we can’t help you”

Like lmao k.

The cops and everyone came and it was just traumatic 

I have this all on video will come out when my movie comes out.

So I was in the worst hospital that started my abuse and abused me even more than the first time. It’s just no way god had me protected or my back in anything.

Last two nights in the wards (they took all my pain meds away) at 3 am I’d be in extreme pain and crying and vomit and no staff cares. I was on 101 and they’d sleep through it lmao.

Satan cleaned up my vomit.

Lucifer held my hand when I thought death was taking me.

Baphomet gave me to strengthen to love my self and my past that I blocked out.

My three animals were there for me when I was homeless.

Satan walked with me.

Lucifer saved me.

Baphomet gave me serenity to love how beautiful I am.

“In the name of the holy spirit” my ass

In the name of Cooper, Kells, Roxie Ann

Our colors blue, pink and purple.

Their love got me out of the hospital in 5 days. Im not going back ever. Im strong and all mighty

Then to seal the deal I put my soul of mine and my protector cooper (his fur) into a jar and made it so innocent and pretty and perfect, and pure nothing but good intentions. Satan told me to give it to my protector so I gave it to my god mom he lead me to.

I did it! I dreamt with Lucifer and King Paimon!

☆I dreamt about me making a dinner for them to just talk. I made some prayers on my dream (That I can't remember) but appart from King Paimon and Lucifer, there was another demon, Andrealphus!

☆The first to arrive was Andrealphus, but not on his peacock form, but rather a shoebill... funny

☆Next to arrive was King Paimon, but he wasn't in his usual form. He had a fox head, frog legs and human torso. He was very nice and chatty though, he had such kind aura I felt safe.

☆Last to arrive was Lucifer, I couldn't see him, he was like a shadow but he was there. He didn't talk but I thanked him and everyone for coming and I appreciate their company.

Thoughts? Is it a signal for Andrealphus to be in my dream even though I didn't call for him?

[quinnsqueries]

Why Everyone Should Read "A Mango Shaped Space"

Wendy Mass was the first author I ever truly loved. Believe it or not, it took me until the ripe age of ten years old to truly love reading. And I remember the first book that actually got me hooked, and no it wasn't Mango, it was, however, by Wendy Mass. And, in classic little kid style, it was part of a series of books and I read them backwards.

And, I really just want to congratulate Wendy Mass on her writing abilities. She made me laugh, squeal and cry in one whole night. Three hours, to be exact, as that is how long it took me to read the whole book. And, well, it'd been a long time since I read it, so I didn't remember too much about the book, and what I did remember was the most tragic event in the book, the premise, and that the main character saw her grandfather in her kitten.

And, well, even though I knew what happened, I knew the tragic event was, well, tragic...it still didn't prepare me for it enough because I sobbed like a baby when it happened. I don't want to say what happened because, spoilers, but like, jesus christ, I cried. And I don't do that very often with books these days.

Anyway, I really recommend reading A Mango Shaped Space if you haven't, because I saw myself in the main character. Now, I don't have synesthesia, but I still saw myself in Mia, and maybe you will too. If you don't want spoilers for the book, then I suggest you stop reading here. If you don't mind it, if you need more convincing, then read along!

My first though when rereading this book was: Wow, Mia, you and I are so alike, I can't do math either. My second thought was, wow, Mia has anxiety. The opening scene is our protagonist, Mia, trying to solve a math problem and failing. She's never been good at math and she says it's because of the colors she sees and how it just doesn't work correctly when she tries to do math.

Mia was in front of the class trying to solve a math problem, and since she's not good at math, she's trying to stall for time, so she attempts to solve the problem while putting all the numbers in the "correct" color. Except, other people don't see the world as colorfully as Mia, and this ends up with her in the principals office realizing that maybe she's different and that it's not a good thing. This ultimately ends up with Mia trying to hide how different she is.

Now let's pause here for a moment. This scene not only builds up the entire plot of the book, but also reminds me of a lot of different things. Whenever someone thinks there might be something wrong with them, it can often be overlooked. With Mia it was her synesthesia, but with other people it can be so many different things. Autism, ADHD, depression...

I think this book is coded for neurodivergency, whether Wendy Mass meant it or not, and honestly, that means so much for me. And I'll further explain why I felt that way as I reveal more of the story, but for now, just trust me on this one.

The next scene sets up Mia's life as it currently is. We meet her best friend Jenna, her mom and dad, and her little brother Zack. And let me tell you: this family is weird and I love it. Wendy Mass built the characters so realistically, she legit brought them to life. Her little brother is obsessed with superstitions and has kept track of every single McDonalds burger he's ever eaten. Her older sister basically never touched grass in her life and then spends a summer in California and is obsessed with all of these nature-y spirity things. Her mom is very clean and horrible with dealing with emotions. She used to be a science teacher and loves astronomy. Her dad is the more sensitive parent (which like? Hello! We never get that!) He's constantly building and expanding their house, which is something he'd battle with his dad against until he died. He flies a hellicopter!

And then there's Mia. Who, like me, sucks at math, is okay with english and history, and is super artistic. She gets overwhelmed by a lot of noise, which the first time we see this happen, is when her brother turns up all of her clocks so when it strikes 5pm they'll all go off. It's super loud and overwhelming and Mia can't see straight. I get that way too, and the way Wendy Mass writes is super relatable.

If I had been prepared, I would have been able to anticipate the onslaught, but now it is overwhelming and I feel like I'm suffocating.

I get this way too! When things are too loud, if there's too many people around me, etc, I can't breathe, which Mass depicts, too. Mia has to crouch on the floor just so she can breathe. And then when the noise goes away, which causes the colors to go away, she can breathe again. This is a realistic depiction of anxiety, and while this is due to Mia's synesthesia, I think a lot of people can relate to how Mia is feeling in this moment.

Mia is then, understandably, afraid of hearing too many sounds, but when she takes control of the noise, like putting on music, then she's perfectly fine with it. Here's another quote from the book which just resonated with me.

All of them, belonging, at that minute, only to me.

This quote is in relation to the colors, but really just accurately depicts how when we have control of things, you really just feel at peace. And since it's preceded by such a powerful scene of feeling out of control, I think this sentence is just kinda perfect.

Another powerful scene is when Mia meets another kid like her. His name is Billy and he's five years old. Mia meets him at a supermarket and at first she doesn't realize that he's like him, but when she's does she's shocked. And, reasonably, scared and confused. This pushes the plot forward, and the next big scene is Mia coming clean to her parents. But first, just another quote that made me scream.

These visits are hard for her, no matter what she says. Or doesn't say. I hurry back to the house thinking of all the things we keep from other people. Even our best friends.

This quote sums up so much of the book, and it comes so early on. Mia's been keeping her synesthesia to herself for years, and it causes so many problems. It makes her feel isolated, which in turn, when she finds out that there are other people like her, makes her go crazy. She hyperfixates and loses track of whats right in front of her. Wendy Mass depicts what life is all about, depicts something that can really happen to anyone, depending on how isolated they feel. And it doesn't have to just be with synesthesia, it can be with anything! And that is what I loved about this book more.

If you haven't been convinced to keep reading, well...we're only on page 50.

So, like I said, the next big scene is Mia telling her parents that she has synesthesia, though she doesn't yet know the name for her condition. Beforehand, she's talking about why certain things, like math and languages are hard for her, because, no matter what she tries, they don't make sense.

When she tells her parents about the colors, they reasonably freak out. They argue back and forth about how it's their fault she's this way, the mom tries reason it with Mia having just memorized the colors because of the blocks she played with as a kid, and then they decide to set up a doctors appointment. All they want to do is fix Mia.

Also, I just want to point out, at this point, that even insignificant characters, like the history teacher in this book have such stunning quirks. The history teacher is a germaphobe and when Mia gets called down to be picked up, she doesn't know what it's for and her instant reaction is "did I put my history homework in the wrong pile?"

And, if I haven't given you enough quotes, heres another one that resonates with me.

At that point I would rather have been called anything but crazy. It's one thing for me to call myself crazy. It is another thing entirely when a doctor does it.

At this point in the book Mia has been referred to a therapist, or that's at least what they call her. Who, by the way, assumes Mia's making this up. And Mia thinks that because she's been referred to a therapist the doctor is calling her crazy, which, I don't entirely think he was. He just wasn't sure what to do about her condition since he doesn't specialize in that field.

Anything, the next thing we know, Mia tells her best friend about synesthesia and she gets upset. Previously in the book we learned Jenna's mom died when she was young and it had such an impact on her, which is why she's scared that Mia had been hiding such a big part of her life from her. She doesn't understand what is going on with Mia, and she seems like she might be sick at this point in the book, since nobody knows what synesthesia is. So, they have a fight because Jenna is scared that her best friend might die, even if she doesn't say it out loud, we can tell.

Mia then meets the therapist and gets referred to a neurologist, who, when Mia and her mom meet in person, then tells her what synesthesia is, since he specializes in it. He then says they can meet again sometime, sends Mia off with a website, and she's reasonably happy. She then spends the later half of the book hyper fixating on her new terminology, learning more about synesthesia, and making a new friend through the website. All the while ignoring what she has in real life. She distances herself from Jenna, who she finally made up with, and the rest of her friends. She ignores her schoolwork, and even does acupuncture because she read online that it really brings out her colors.

Now, at this point, I think it's only fair to bring up the cat, Mango. The namesake of the book. Mia first met Mango after her grandfather died, and she reminded her of him because they had the same eyes. She believes a part of her grandfather lives on through Mango, which softened her grandfathers death. But, the thing is, Mango, despite being fairly young, is dying, which is hinted at through the book. Mango has a lung condition and takes medicine for it.

During a meetup of people with synesthesia Mia has her first kiss and it's the best night of her life. And then, once she gets home, she realizes that Mango is missing. He'd gotten trapped outside. Mia brings him inside but something isn't right. Mango is dying and the roads are flooded. They try to take him to the vet via helicopter, but he dies on the way. And Mia is blaming herself for it. She thinks she hadn't been paying enough attention to Mango, and because of that he died.

My eyes open wide, and the pain hits me in thick black waves. Then I scream loud enough to wake the dead. Only it doesn't.

This quote was what made the tear-gates flood. Mia is grieving and hard. And during the next couple of chapters there are so many raw quotes, things like "I wish the ice would go right through me and take the pain away." Because Mia just lost her best friend, and she doesn't know how to cope. And also, her colors are gone, because it's a traumatic experience and apparently that happens.

And, also, it's Jenna's birthday party that day, and Mia just feels stuck in bed. And Jenna is blaming the synesthesia get-together for Mia being absent to being early for setting up. This gets resolved quickly by Mia's mom calling Jenna and explaining that Mango died, but this further shows us that Mia really had been neglecting everything in favor of researching/being hyper-fixated on her diagnosis. On her explanation of why she is the way she is.

The book then comes to a close with Mia finding Billy, whom she had been searching for in hopes of helping him and his family learn more about who he is and what he has, and with Mia reconnecting with her loved ones. And really, they ended it even softer with finding Mango's children, because he'd been courting another cat. Jenna's cat.

And well, I just really loved this book. So, please, please read it and tell me your thoughts. Did you also find that it's coded in nuerodivergency and other mental health issues?

[uwuwriting]

Maybe pregnant hcs for Todoroki, Iida, Shinsou and Amajiki???💓💓💓💓💓

-Ohoho!!!! This right here just melts my hurt. Even thinking about it makes me weak.Plus a little heads up, everyone is having daughters cause I’m weak to the knees with the thought of these four and their babygirls so be prepared. Hope I don’t disappoint.💖💖💖

*All characters are aged up so around the ages of 20-25 and up*

Todoroki Shouto

-You and Shouto have been together since your second year in UA.

-You got married when you both got well acquainted with the hero life and now live a happy , yet busy, life in an apartment near his mom’s house. 

-We know that this boy would want his family to be close to him and the fact that you get along with everyone fills his heart with so much love. 

-You two never really talked about children.

-Maybe a few suggestions of having a child in the future but nothing serious.

-Que the morning sickness. 

-Shouto was really worried about you, I mean look at you.

-You’re emptying your guts in the toilet every single morning. 

-You can’t eat most foods that you used to like and have a weird craving for tuna yogurt?!

-He doesn’t want to leave the house, he even convinced you to take some days off and try to relax.

-Give your body rest.

-He promised to get some days off himself to take care of you.

-You had your suspicions, tbh.

-You just didn’t tell him.

-Whether that was to not get his hopes up or to post pone the heartbreak you didn’t really know.

-So what if you were mildly panicking over the fact that the 5 pregnancy tests you just took were all positive. 

-It was the first day of your mini ‘vacation’ and thankfully Shouto had been called in today.

-Because you’re panicking and legit losing your shit over this, you call....Rei.

-Okay maybe it wasn’t the best course of action considering you were on the verge of cardiac arrest, but what can you do.

-You asked her if she was home and if you could stop by.

-Of course she said yes, delighted to see you and mentioned that Fuyumi was also going to stop by in around an hour.

-You made your way to her house, arriving just as Fuyumi was pulling into the drive way.

-After greeting each other and going inside, you took your seats in the living room and waited for Rei to make some tea.

-Fuyumi was going on and on about what the kids at the kindergarten were doing and how cute some of them were being. 

-Neither of the Todoroki women had missed your puffy eyes or how your smile would constantly waver, but they decided to let you tell them on your own accord. 

-Once Rei joined you in the living room, they both turned to you.

- “So how have you been Y/n, dear?” Rei said watching you really closely. 

-You looked down, feeling hot tears starting to form in your eyes and your throat tightening painfully. 

-Fuyumi moved closer to you while Rei draped an arm around your shoulders which were shacking at the moment. 

- “I-I’m p-pregnant.” it was barely a whisper, but they heard it alright.

-Mom mode activated 2x.

-They reassured you that everything was going to be fine and how lucky you are.

-They repeatedly said how excited Shouto will be and what of a push over of a dad he would become.

-After 4 long hours of baby talk, you returned home, collapsing on the sofa before passing out for a good 3 hour nap.

-When you woke up, Shouto was home and sitting next to you weaving his fingers absentmindedly through your hair. 

- “Hey there sleepyhead.”

-How could his voice be so soft!?!?

-You buried your face into the blanket, which really confused him, I mean...what did he do?

- “We have a problem...” pause....awkward silence.... “I’m pregnant.”

-*Windows noises*

-After the mild stroke, he lifted you up so you were looking at him and just stared at you. 

-Those seconds that he just looked at you felt like eternity.  

-The torture ended however, when he lowered his head to your stomach and lifting your shirt, placed a small kiss right under your belly button.

- “Hey there, snowflake. Nice to meet you.”

-And with that, 9 exhausting months started full of mood swings, weird cravings, back rubs and a never ending list of baby names.

-You two learned you were having twins on your fifth appointment, but you decided to keep the gender a surprise. 

-On a cold January night your two girls were brought into the world and it was one of the few times you had seen Endeavour and Natsuo in the same room bawling their eyes out. 

-Your white haired baby was named Rei *after her grandmother* while your mixed red and h/c babygirl Ren. 

-When Shouto held them for the first time, you thought he was going to have a mental breakdown.

-He’s a total push over and your girls are daddy’s girls to the core.

-He’s the best dad they could ask for.

Iida Tenya

-You and Tenya have been married for 6 years now and have been trying endlessly for a baby.

-You both agreed that you were ready for the responsibility and that having a little Tenya running around the house sounded like a great idea.

-Saying that you were exhausted form the attempts was an understatement.

-Tenya had incredible stamina and even more libido, so you can safely assume that during the week long process of baby making you couldn’t walk straight.

-However, your little shenanigans stopped when your doctor delivered you the news.

-You had been hit by a blood related quirk while dealing with a villain and had to get a check up afterwards.

-You were given a scolding the moment you saw your doctor because why aren’t you in desk duty you RASCAL!?

-You were confused beyond belief and it was written all over your face.

- “You don’t know do you?” 

-Le sigh.

- “Mrs. Iida I’m happy to announce you that you’re expecting, so that means you are to be put in desk duty for the next 4 months or else I’m making sure you don’t leave the house for a good 9 months.”

-You. Were. Ecstatic. 

-You ran to Tenya’s agency, bringing down the damned door to his office giving the man a heart attack.

- “Y/n what’s-”

- “I’M PREGNANT!” 

-Que ecstatic air chopping. 

-Tenya went into full dad mode during those 9 months. 

-Buttt he’s also kinda nervous.

-Nervous like Tamaki in a crowd level nervous.

-You get the image.

-You have anything you want whenever you want it.

-The nursery is done the moment you find out you are having a gilr.

-Unlike Todoroki he isn’t patient enough to keep the gender a secret.

-When the day arrives, you’re just chilling outside with him when you nonchalantly blurt out ‘my waters broke’.

-....oh...oH.....OHSHIIIIIIIT.

- “WHY ARE YOU SO CALM?! GET UP! ARE YOU IN PAIN? CAN YOU WALK!?”

-This goes on until you are screaming and crushing his hand in the delivery room.

-Your little girl is born and she’s a carbon copy of Tenya.

-Same colored hair and eyes.

-The face structure looks like you.

-She has your nose and mouth, along with your eyebrows but apart from that she’s a mini genderbend Tenya.

-Because she was born early in the morning you decided to change her name and so little Asami Tenya was officially a part of this world.

-Tenya cried.

-You cried.

-Asami cried.

-You were one happy crying family.

Shinsou Hitoshi

-You and Hitoshi have been together for two years now, but you haven’t put a ring on it.

-Sure you live together and act like a married couple already but you’re not Mrs.Shinsou.....yet.

-You have been feeling strange for days now and your period was late which never happens.

-You are panicking but unlike Shouto you two aren’t married.

-He can leave with almost no complications.

-You were his girlfriend not his wife.

-The pregnancy tests you had taken were mocking you from the bathroom sink and your poor hormone ridden mind couldn’t handle the stress.

-You cried a river until you heard keys jiggling and HItoshi’s iconic ‘Kitten, I’m home!’

-You couldn’t face him like this.

-In a haste you shoved the tests into the laundry basket along with their packages and covered them with some sheets. 

-Fixing your hair and washing your face, you straightened and walked out the door.

-After greeting Hitoshi with a kiss you calmly told him to go get ready while you made him something to eat.

-Your mind was running laps thinking how you could tell him or how you could solve your little problem as quietly as possible.

-That is until he walked in holding what seemed to be a box.

-A pregnancy test box.

-HOW CAN YOU BE BLIND?

- “Y/n, what’s this?”pause “Are you..?”

-Anddd more crying.

-You sobbed about how sorry you were and how you couldn’t explain how it happened.

-Both of you were so careful, how did this happen???

-After a good 15 minutes of you bawling your eyes out on the kitchen floor while Hitoshi was trying to calm you down, you finally stopped at the sound of his chuckle. 

- “Well, damn kitten, your surprise definitely beat mine.”

-Then he pulled a small velvet box from his pocket and watched you closely.

-Now you are Mrs.Shinsou.

-These 9 months weren’t as bad as you would expect.

-Hitoshi was really good at giving you everything you wanted and during the whole pregnancy you didn’t lift a finger.

-One October night your waters broke and you found yourself in a long procedure of bringing your child into the world. 

-Hitoshi was a wreck and had called Aizawa for emotional support who called Hizashi who called Midnight.

-Once you were finished, Hitoshi rushed into your room and found you utterly exhausted.

-He was the first to hold your baby and you have never seen him cry this much in your life. 

- “Hello my little Kei.”

-Kei Shinsou was a happy little girl with an amazing father by her side.

Amajiki Tamaki

-Ah love.

-Something Tamaki found during high school and held onto it ever since. 

-Now a well known pro hero, Suneater was more than happy with his life with you.

-He always wanted a little something more but never expressed it. 

-He loved the idea of having a mini you running around the living room or waking him up in the morning with little squeals and kisses.

-He loved you to the moon and back, more than life itself but having a kid with you sparked a whole new sensation in him.

-So he tried to be sly about it.

-Forgetting the condoms or to pull out.

-You not being able to find your pills.

-A whole lot of fun. 

-You were newly weds and your libidos were high af and with the prospect of children on the table Tamaki became 10x more driven and horny.

-So you weren’t all that surprised when your doctor gave you the news. 

-You had gone for a plain old check up when he came into the room with a bright smile on his face and congratulations falling like a waterfall from his mouth. 

-Once back home you put your plan in motion. 

-You had a feeling Tamaki was trying to knock you up for some time now.

-He couldn’t forget to pull out every time like come on.

-But you were fine with it since you too wanted a kid with him.

-You just would’ve liked a little heads up first.

-You made your little bun and put it in the oven.

-And waited.

-And waited.

-And waited.

-Until finally Tamaki walked through the door,  a smile gracing his features as he made his way to you.

- “Hey bunny.”

-Giving him a quick peck you told him to check the oven real quick to make sure the food was all good.

-He obliged, walking to the kitchen and seeing the sole bun sitting in the oven.

-He was beyond confused on why you would only make one bun in the oven and not more, I mean you are two peop- ohhhh.

-OH.

-He did it. 

-He let the news settle in before going back to you.

- “Are you sure?” nod “100% sure?” another nod.

-At that he fell to his knees in front of you, attacking your stomach with kisses and I love yous.

-To whom they were directed you couldn’t actually tell but you were happy either way.

-Calls the baby butterfly.

-Makes the whole nursery along with Mirio who is ecstatic.

-Butterfly themed baby room.

-Expect many back and belly rubs along with Tamaki coming home early because Fatgum cannot allow him to stay at work when he’s preparing for a baby.

-When your waters break you are buying some onesies with small octopuses on them.

-You have never been taken to the hospital so fast in your whole hero career. 

-After many painful and stressful hours, your baby girl is born and she’s stunning.

-She has Tama’s ears and hair but your eyes and nose. 

-She’s a perfect mix. 

-The Big 3 cry as a team.

-When she’s given to him, Tamaki just cry laughs at how gorgeous she’s.

-Many thank yous are exchanged.

- Cho Amajiki.

-Tamaki cannot stop repeating the name even after they have taken her away.

-He curls on the chair next to you, holding your hand the whole night, falling into a deep sleep, imaging his new life with his little butterfly. 

[harringrovetrashrat]

Tagged by @disdaidal !!!  Thank you!  Omg I’m like 🥺💖🥺💖

So, I figure since I have so many things I’m working on, and no idea when I’ll actually finish them (outside of my Big Bang Project), I should share the bits of them that I do actually have dhfoiahfiosh

What we have are these:

A fic where Billy meets some older queer people while kicked out, and learns from them how to love himself

“So I’m guessing you’ve never met a queen before,” they said. Billy shook his head.

“I’ve never met any royalty.” Juicy laughed and it made Billy feel like he’d said the wrong thing until she looked at him again, practically beaming.

“Well honey, there’s queens abound in here. Drag Queens, specifically.” Billy’s mouth formed a small ‘o’.

“So, you’re a… man?” Juicy shook her head.

“Personally, I find man and woman too limiting. All gender is a costume, darling. I just think dresses are prettier than suits.”

“You haven’t been in the right suits,” Cindy said with a smirk. Juicy gave her the finger without looking.

“It’s called taste, sweetie.” Cindy just laughed. Billy stared at Juicy, feeling awed by them. They were so tall, toned and beautiful. Their skin was dark and glistened with the glitter they’d spread over it. “I’m sure you have taste, don’t you munchkin?” Billy couldn’t help it and he pouted.

“I’m not short, I’m average for my age,” he snapped. Juicy just smiled.

“I like you,” they said, pointing a long nailed finger at him.

A Cheesy Summer Camp Horror fic, with romance and comedy because Like.  Y’all know me.

“Let’s stop talking about her,” Heather cut in. “Let’s talk about this weekend.”

“This weekend?” Billy asked, perking up. “What about it?”

“Well, I was thinking we could celebrate the end of the first week with a skinny dip,” she said, eyes sparkling. Billy didn’t miss the flush that crossed over Robin’s face, though he wasn’t entirely sure who it was directed at. He definitely had a guess.

“I’m game!” Tommy piped up, grin wide, anger disappearing from his face. Billy rolled his eyes and snorted, but raised his hand, tongue running over his top teeth.

“Why not,” he said, giving his eyebrows a quirk. “I ain’t no pussy.”

“Of course,” Adam muttered, rolling his eyes. Billy’s eyes snapped over and narrowed. “Isn’t it a little, I dunno, juvenile?”

“Oh come on,” Steve chimed in, munching on the cookie now, relaxing with the change of topic. “Maybe so, but it’s summer, it’s camp, why not, right? Start it off with a bang?” His smile was teasing, bright, and Billy found it hard to look away, hard to deny that smile what it wanted.

The Reverse AU where Steve moves to Hawkins with his father and step family, Claudia and Dustin, and Billy was adopted into the Mayfields

“I’m not--! It’s just midterms! That’s what has me all out of sorts.” He opened his notebook and tried to will his blush away. There was a soft thud and Nancy joined them.

“What has you out of sorts?” She asked.

“Mid--”

“Billy so has a crush on that new guy from New York,” Heather said. Billy made a noise of protest when Nancy smiled, leaning over.

“Oh he’s so cute! Truly impeccable taste you have,” she teased. Billy rested his head on the table.

“I hate both of you so fucking much,” he hissed.

“No you don’t,” they chorused.

“I do, I really do,” Billy replied.

Mermaid AU where Steve and Billy were young friends before being separated.  Steve tries to reunite them obviously

“I can show you a bunch of cool stuff,” Billy said, feeling oddly proud of himself. And well, the ocean was his home. And he never got the chance to really show it off to someone who didn’t already know it. “If I show you the ocean, will you tell me more about humans?” Steve nodded. “Like, why are all the ships girls?”

“Huh,” Steve said, tapping his chin with his finger. “I don’t actually know… Usually I think ‘cause a guy names them. I’ll ask my tutor. He knows everything.” Steve wasn’t a huge fan of Professor Owens, but he was nice enough. He let Steve find things to bring in and ask questions about, he didn’t get mad like Steve’s other tutors had when he had trouble reading. So even though Owens still pushed for Steve to focus more on his future, he was better than the other adults in Steve’s life.

“Tutor?” Billy asked. “What’s that?”

“Like a teacher,” Steve replied. “But like… Different.” In fact, Steve wasn’t totally sure what the difference was. Billy just squinted, looking confused.

“Different… how?”

“Uh, tutors are… are taller,” Steve replied matter of factly. Professor Owens was taller than Ms. Joyce had been, so there wasn’t anything to argue against that. Billy nodded seriously, making a note.

There was a ringing bell and a distant voice calling Steve’s name, making him sigh dramatically. It was already time? Billy’s ears twitched a little and he looked at Steve.

“What’s that?”

“That’s my nanny,” Steve said, mopey and pouting.

More of You’ll Find Me Looking Over the Edge of the World

“Oh, King Steve thinking about skipping?” Billy tugged him down, making Steve stumble as a fist started rubbing against his scalp and messing up his hair.

“Fuck, dude!” Steve cried, nearly dropping his tray. Billy just cackled, letting him go and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“No,” Nancy said through grit teeth. “He’s thinking about staying and taking--”

“He can’t go around looking like that,” Billy said with faux concern, eyes all worried as he leaned on the table with one hand and used the other to point at Steve’s, now fully messed up, hair. “I think Steve’ll have to take the afternoon, don’t you?” Billy turned to look over his shoulder, not seeing the way Nancy rubbed at her temples as Jonathan very obviously tried not to snicker. Steve almost felt bad. Billy knocked on the table with his knuckles, pushing up with a grin. “Don’t worry, I’ll get him home safely.”

“Get me home--” Steve began, but before he could finish his sentence, Billy was shoving him around and out of the cafeteria. Nancy sighed, shaking her head, giving Steve a look he knew would turn into a talk later. “Sorry guys!” Steve tossed over his shoulder.

Billy with a rat he named Max to piss off Max (he calls her human Max and she hates it)

“And what the fuck are you doing here?!” He asked her. Max, the little trouble maker, just squeaked at him, wriggling in his grip. “No fucking wonder I didn’t see you in Barbie’s house this morning, you decided to be a fucking Houndini, didn’t you.” She squeaked again, tail swirling and dragging along his wrist. He heard footsteps behind him and moved to shove her back into his jacket sleeve when Steve approached.

“You okay-- Oh!” Steve blinked, brows raised as he saw Max reach with her small, cute little pink hands to grab for Billy’s hard nipple again. “So…”

“Cut that out!” Billy hissed, moving her down to cradle her against his stomach. She settled in, but she was definitely hungry and would get restless again quickly. “I didn’t see her this morning but just assumed she was hiding in her little pile.”

“Me too,” Steve said, checking around the hallway for anyone who was late. Luckily, there was no one around to see them trying to hide a rat in Billy’s jacket. “How’d she even get out?”

“I mean, we are keeping her in a Barbie dream house instead of a cage--”

“Really? You’re gonna sass me now? After you insisted that she ‘live like the princess she is’--”

Stranger Than Fiction AU

“Billy, I swear to fucking god if you don’t get out there right now--” Billy stumbled out from the back, head turned to glare at Max, who was pushing him from behind. She pushed until he was at the counter, face to face with Steve. He glared, though his face was flush. Max crossed her arms. “Like we fuckin’ practiced.” Billy shot her another angry glance, but then looked back to Steve. Who was so confused.

“Max may have, uhm, brought it to my attention that I may have overreacted just the tiniest little bit.”

“That’s not at all right,” Max said under her breath. Billy swatted behind him without looking, missing her completely.

“Anyway,” he pressed on, “I just,” he sighed, pushing an errant curl behind his ear. Steve watched the movement before snapping his eyes back to Billy’s. “I don’t often take the chance to be nice, so I got maybe a little offended.” Max scoffed. “Okay a lot offended,” he said with an eye roll. Steve couldn’t help it; he snorted. Billy’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes lit up, like a kid who just learned Santa was real. Steve blushed, looking away, but he couldn’t hide the smile on his face.

“It’s okay,” he replied, turning back to look at Billy. The sun lit up the stray blonde hairs poking out of his messy bun, making a light halo around him. Steve had to catch his breath.

It was like looking at an angel, vengeful and dangerous, but exciting all at once. His eyes seemed to shine, bright and gleeful, but also full of mischief.

“It’s okay,” Steve repeated, feeling his face heat up more. “I would have taken them if I could. They were amazing.” He smiled, nodding towards the stairs. “I should get to it though. Last day and all.” Something sad briefly flickered over Billy’s face, but it was gone as soon as it was there, and Steve thought he must have imagined it.

“Yeah, good luck,” Billy said. Max was smiling, smug, and she punched Billy’s shoulder.

Leverage AU

“Well,” he said slowly, letting the trio shake off their shadows. “The lab closed.” This isn’t about the kid was the underlying message. “But, what’s happening now is that Mayor Kline accepted a lot of weird bribes. They’re from a company called Starcourt Industries. Now, that’s the name of the mall that opened, Starcourt, but what’s weird--”

“--Is that they didn’t exist for very long before suddenly popping up in Indiana,” Alec cut in. “It reads like one of our companies. General background, seems legit, but I did a lot of poking around most of this stuff leads to loose ends. It took a while to get there, so at first glance…” The group nodded. At first glance everything checked out, and even a little digging would provide a general cover that most people wouldn’t think to look past.

Of course, none of them were most people.

“So who are they?” Eliot asked.

“All of the loose ends lead back to Russia,” Alec said. “But nothing concrete or connected, just more companies that do really general stuff. It goes real deep.” The implications there were discomforting. Alec was a genius, and excelled in his line of work, but this kind of grand scale cover up meant one thing: this was bigger than just a few bad apples in a company. This was a plan.

“So who’s the client?” Sophie asked. Nate pulled up a picture of a grumpy looking man, mustache groomed and eyes hard, but kind.

“Chief Jim Hopper.” That got Parker’s attention, bringing her out of the funk she’d been in since the mention of San Diego and Billy.

“Like, Police Chief?”

“Yep,” Nate said, popping the P. “He’s the one who found the kid, found out there was something going on at the lab. Now, he’s positive something weird is going on. Knows he’s done everything he can to legally take the Mayor down, but the man has a lot of friends in high places, and Jim can’t do anything. And that’s,” he smiled, “Where we come in.”

That’s still merely some of what I have going on, but that’s what I’ll share rn. Anyway, tag me in ur WIPs! I’d love to read them :) tag ur it

[lovelystay]

Bᴇɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴀ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴅɪsᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴀɴᴅ ғɪɴᴀʟʟʏ ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ s/ᴏ- Sᴛʀᴀʏ ᴋɪᴅs 🎬

(Request)

Chan 🐺

It has been such a long time he haven’t seen his s/o .

Everything he did made him think of you , even when he was casually eating he was thinking of eating with you .

You were dominating his mind 24/7 .

But holidays were coming , and he knew you were free and could come .

So you two prepared everything , he was coming to get you and take you home with his car .

This little boy couldn’t manage himself to stop smiling and giggling on his way to get you back .

When he finally sees you , a really big and warm hug will be given .

Chan would be so happy he can’t stop touching you , like holding your hands , putting his hand on your thighs on the ride home , cuddles , hugs etc...

Would spend every single minutes he have with you .

Only care about you .

Minho 🐱

Minho was the one going to see you this time .

Even though most people say that he is a tsundere type of boyfriend , I would say that yes he is but he’s more of a really cute softy person when he is with his s/o .

He bought so many things for you .

Suddenly became like your sugar daddy .

Pays you everything , want to spoil you as much as he can .

Minho became extremely clingy , which you found adorable .

Would follow you everywhere like a stray kitten, scared of not seeing you for a long time again .

Changbin 🐖🐇

Changbin is always really sad when he’s not with you .

Which led to having facetimes every 3 minutes .

It’s honestly really cute , but you got tired of seeing through a screen . And you wanted to surprise him .

So you packed all of your stuff and was about to stay and live with your lovely boyfriend for 2 entire weeks .

Changbin would cry when he opened the door and saw your beautiful face with suitcases beside you .

Instead of doing a lot of activities outside you two mostly stayed home and did cute activities like cooking , starting a new series together or even buying dumb things online together .

Hyunjin 🦙

This poor man hasn’t seen you for like 1 month .

It was so much ...

But you lived so far .

You felt really bad too , you loved this man , he cried while you were calling him because he missed you a lot .

And that’s exactly what made you want to see him face to face .

So you got everything ready so you can see him the sooner as possible .

Last time you stayed at his house he gave you the double of his keys so that you could feel free to come whenever you wanted .

And THAT was the moment you could use those .

His friends helped you to prepare the surprise, they told you that that day hyunjin would be busy and would come back late , that’s why you made those own self home and waited for your boyfriend to return ,

Gosh you were so excited!

When hyunjin came home , he could sense something was weird . There were new shoes in front of him and his television was on .

He got scared really quickly and asked to make sure « is anyone there ? »

And that’s when you popped out of where you were « hiding » to meet him .

Hyunjin dropped everything he had and ran to take you in his arms .

« Y/n you don’t know how much I missed you , I was feeling so lonely without you by my side »

You hugged him even tighter and cried a little in his neck , he eventually cried too .

Hyunjin and you would literally be those couple goals that we all saw on social media and that we all envy .

Jisung 🐿

Jisung’s birthday was coming soon .

And you wanted to be here to celebrate with him .

His friends and teammates helped you a lot .

At the end you sneaked into his birthday party , he didn’t knew you were here at all .

Jisung has literally no idea .

You dressed really good for him .

You knew it was an outfit that Han would absolutely loved , so you wore it just for him .

He was talking with a friend when you tapped lightly his shoulder to get his attention .

He turned around and didn’t really got it was you at first , he thought he drank a little too much even though he didn’t even finished his glass .

He suddenly scream and take you in his arms almost making you suffocate .

People around were supportive and happy for both of you but they soon got back to focus on their selves after you and Han got upstairs .

You both missed each other a lot and that make out session was a real need .

He was touching every part on your body .

So... yeah , birthday sex .

Felix 🐨

Felix is the cutest boyfriend ever .

Even though you were busy and kind of overwhelmed by studies and work he always managed to make you feel better , by playing with you online , sending you snacks he recently discovered and thought that you might like etc

But he was having a hard time missing you .

He didn’t had that dose of cuddles he wanted to have with you .

Would legit dream of you .

He had free time for a week and the first thing he thought he could do was seeing you.

He gave you some hint that he was going to come but you couldn’t really believe him , it felt too good to be true and you didn’t wanted to get high expectations, it would hurt too much after .

But- he actually came , he casually knocked on your door and waited outside .

As soon as he got inside your home he asked you to get changed . So you did while sobbing of happiness .

Felix had the cute idea to go and watch the sunset while having a picnic with his favorite person on the planet .

Softest couple ever .

Felix would make you feel like a real princess , he missed you way too much to not treat you as.

Seungmin 🐶

You and seungmin made a « pact » where you and him had to met at least 1 week in a month . But even though you two had that sort of contract and could see each other more often than other long distance relationship couple .

Seungmin would still whine and miss you every time you go .

So to remedy when he got to see you again a lot of pictures would be taken , a lot lot lot .

Seungmin is like artist and considers you as his piece of art .

So every single time you two meet it would be extremely cliché and cheesy but adorable and innocent at the same time .

Seungmin just want to create good memories and save them with his camera .

He know that when you’ll go back home he’ll miss you terribly again , and instead of calling you he would just look back at the breath taking pictures he took of you .

He is completely whipped for you .

For your 2 years anniversary seungmin would probably offer you an album which contain every single pictures he’s taken during the time when he could see you and be with you .

Jeongin 🦊

Jeongin isn’t normally very emotional when it comes to crying , but when it comes to seeing his s/o again after a long time he wouldn’t hold back .

He would treat you like a princess just like Felix , because he love you with his whole heart and missed you really badly .

And when he’s done admiring and crying about you .

Jeongin would take you out in a date every day you stayed with him .

One day it’s in a cinema , the other it’s to the swimming pool , the other is to go shopping with him ...

And it’s honestly a lot of fun .

It makes him want to stay with you even more , even though he know he can’t just make you stay like that ...

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Wonder Woman 1984

The first 3/4 of 2017’s Wonder Woman was my favorite film of that year. The last 1/4 was my least favorite film of that year. What can I say, I have a complicated relationship with the DCEU, and the part I keep getting disappointed by is the big smash-em-up, explosions everywhere, muddy mess of orange/blue filter in the “climactic showdown” between hero and villain. I just don’t have the patience for it anymore, and I was so hoping that the Jazzercise vibes of Wonder Woman 1984 would do something different. 

As it turns out, this movie was trying to warn me like so many stories that have come before - be careful what you wish for. Just how badly did my wish go bad? Well...

I’d already heard some questionable things about the movie before I tuned in, so my expectations were tempered but I guess it was on me. I should have known better than to wish for a story with reasonable pacing, some kind of consistent tone, villains with discernable motivation, or a Wonder Woman movie that was actually about fucking Wonder Woman. I’m not even mad as much as I am puzzled. That and tormented by Pedro Pascal’s manic televangelist energy in my dreams. 

Some thoughts:

I have never wanted to go anywhere as much as I want to in 2020, and the place I want to go more than any other is Themyscira. Love this first sequence. Why is the whole movie not about Themyscira??

If the Olympics were like this whole long Amazonian warrior triathlon, I would be WAY more into track and field. 

Also I legit don’t understand the problem with her taking the short path? Like, it’s there for a reason? She just caught up to her horse? Someone explain this to me.

So this mall...basically the hub of American commerce in the 80s that was practically printing money, it made it so fast...is secretly a front for antiquities trading on the black market? And these unorganized-ass dipshit criminals who seemingly just walked in off the street and decided to engage in some light robbery today are after antiquities? Sure, Jan.

Ohh I miss Waldenbooks so much!

This thwarting of crime sequence in the mall feels so...cheesy. Schlocky, almost. Like a 50s comic book come to life. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel like the tone I was expecting. In the context of the whole film, we really blew our action load in these first 2 sequences, and also this is the last point in the movie in which Diana actually resembles her character from the first film.

I would also be stammery and blushy when talking to Diana Prince for the first (and second) time, but I’m kinda getting a gay vibe from Barbara. This meet-cute + date is definitely playing up romantic vibes. Kristen Wiig is so good at characters like these - in less than 2 scenes, I have such a clear picture of who Barbara is, what she wants, what she fears, and that’s all down to Wiig’s choices. [ETA: This makes it all the more infuriating when Barbara suddenly is like “I want to be an apex predator” when nothing about her character’s reaction to getting positive attention indicates she would want to start shitting all over everyone else.]

Pedro Pascal is skeeving me out as our villain Max Lord, which really just shows his range, because normally I love him and find him wildly charming in everything. But he’s playing this oil baron creep to the max, as they would say in the parlance of the 80s, and it makes my skin crawl. 

The mechanics of how Steve Trevor returns are wildly confusing. Why is this other guy involved at all? Are we supposed to be ok with the idea of Diana fucking *some other dude’s body* without his consent just because Steve’s spirit/consciousness/whatever is inside the guy? Also that guy DEFINITELY got fired from his job after going AWOL for a whole week, right? 

I am thrilled with Steve’s clothes montage. One of my favorite things in any 80s film, and his enthusiasm really sells it.

I do really like Diana and Steve playing detective, following clues, crafting theories. In spite of the absolute dumbassery of how Steve came back, Chris Pine and Gal Gadot have incredible chemistry and I do find their scenes together delightful. 

I think that’s why it’s so frustrating to me the way their entire relationship was handled. If the whole point of the wish going bad is that it has a cost, wouldn’t it have been better, instead of making Diana weak, to have Steve slowly start to be more and more of an asshole - aka not the Steve Diana remembered and loved? Make her realize that the Steve she knew and loved is really gone and she has to stop letting his memory hold her hostage. Maybe his last moment of self-awareness would be realizing that this wasn’t who he really was, and she was better off just remembering who he was and moving on rather than trying to hold on to this thing that isn’t good for her? 

The sequence with the fireworks made me emotional. The only time I’ve ever been on a plane on the 4th of July was when I was coming back from a visit with my uncle in Dallas. He had flown me, my mom, and my grandma down for a whirlwind trip, and we flew back the night of the 4th. I got to see fireworks from above for the first time, and it felt so magical. My uncle passed away 2 months ago, and feeling that magic again (via Diana and Steve) made me miss him and all the adventure he brought into my life something fierce.

Am I supposed to be like...anti- the idea of Barbara absolutely kicking the shit out of this drunk catcaller who attempted to assault her earlier in the movie? It feels like the film wants us to be like “oh no that’s bad” but my empathy goes on vacation for attempted rapists. 

Like...did anyone do ANY kind of fact-checking on this script? The Maya haven’t been “wiped from the face of the earth” there are still 6 million of them living in Central and South America. Escalators were invented in the 1890s for fucks’ sake. PLANES IN THE 80S DONT WORK LIKE PLANES IN 1918. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ALL THOSE SWITCHES DO STEVE. Also...just because the plane is invisible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anymore. Isn’t the whole point of radar to detect things that you can’t, y’know, SEE? Seriously, how many people fiddled with this script until it turned into an incomprehensible mess?

Did I Cry? OK yeah, I did when Diana and Steve had their conversation after they escaped the White House. But I feel like I should have cried more then, as well as earlier when Diana tells Steve that she only wants this one thing. I love Gal Gadot in this role, but I do wish her acting expressed a little more emotional depth and honesty for the moments like this that should really tug on the heartstrings.

I know Wonder Woman is bulletproof, but are we saying she’s also...immune to electricity? 

If there’s one thing that living through a global pandemic has taught me, it’s that we can’t rely on the inherent responsibility of every individual person to do the right thing in order to save their community (or the world). So the climax of this film really feels like a big ol’ fictional FUCK YOU to every person who has been quarantining since March as the US government twiddles their thumbs and relies on personal choice to lower infection rates. I know they made this film during 2019 and had no idea what would be coming, but this entire sequence was the most horrifying, short-sighted, offensive way to have good overcome evil I could imagine for a 2020 movie. “Just count on people to do the right thing and everything will be fine!” We’re WELL FUCKING PAST THAT, Diana. 

And maybe this is my debbie downer pessimistic ass, but the message “the world is a beautiful place the way it was” feels like some real bullshit. Do you mean the world is a flawed, complicated place where beautiful things exist DESPITE all the violence, inequality, and poverty? Ok, that I’ll buy, for sure. But “Everything was fine the way it was!” is uhh not what I would have gone with. That’s a first draft edit if ever I heard one. Seriously, how did this make it through MULTIPLE studio drafts and no one thought to point this out?  

I literally had to go back after the credits were over and rewind to figure out what happened to Pedro Pascal at the end. If I not only don’t care, but also can’t remember what happened to the villain at the end of the movie, that’s a big motherfucking problem.

I was giddily delighted by that first post-credits scene though! Probably the biggest moment of joy I felt during the film.

For being a Wonder Woman movie, it feels like there’s so little actual Wonder Woman IN the movie. The first film is rooted firmly in Diana finding her place in the world, understanding and coming into her power. This feels like she’s a bystander in her own life, and her most significant moments are always in the context of someone else’s narrative arc. And there’s nothing that comes even close to the breathless wonder of that No-Man’s-Land scene, aka one of the best superhero movie moments of all time. 

This doesn’t have the knowing wink of Aquaman or the nuanced character arcs of Birds of Prey. It doesn’t have the childish glee of Shazam! or any of the nonsensical grimdark bullshit of Zack Snyder’s entire ouvre. It feels like Wonder Woman 1984 suffers the same fate as its protagonist - a profound lack of presence or drive. Sure there are some fun sequences, and the actors are doing the best they can with a weak script, but it’s just not enough to save it. In a year where I saw so few contemporary films (focusing more on catching up on past films I’d missed), I can’t think of one that disappointed me more. 

[i-have-feelings-bitch]

some thoughts on ÉLITE s4 immediately after finishing it

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD, obviously

so. i have some thoughts.

i really disliked how they kept on piling up problem upon problem and i’ve seen that a couple dozen times by now and it always ends the same - nothing gets solved. Not really, anyway. The solution usually is; another problem happens, but its bigger and far more important and severe than all of the other ones combined and it overshadows everything that had happened before.

on that note, and to be fair, this is a teen’s drama show. So i don’t mind it, just to be clear here. i enjoyed the heck out of this season, right now, it’s my favorite season of all. That might change later, as all of this still is so new and fresh and exciting so my mind naturally snaps onto it.

first things first; Omander went just like i predicted - they broke up just so they could get back together eventually, after some hardcore drama. (i cried anyway. a lot.)

there’s one character i liked throughout the whole season. no, wait, two actually. first is rebeka. i feel like her decisions made sense. i liked her story arch a lot. the second one is azucena. what a queen.

.........guzman has a really bad temper. always had and probably always will. (to the samu/guzman/ari drama; why couldnt they have a pretty threesome, ari was quite obviously polyamorous (but i guess nobody has ever heard of that lol) and samuel and guzman almost fucked any second anyways so what exactly was their problem)

surprisingly enough, i liked Patrick in a lot of moments, about 50%. i absolutely despised him in the other 50%. tbh im really not sure about his character like with him, i don’t see any reasoning or goal or whatsoever. i have no clue what he wants to achieve?? guess he just wants to be gay and fuck around and honestly? fair enough

Mencia. Oh, Mencia. i liked her a lot from the get go and i still think her character is cool as shit, but there were quite some moments when i wouldve loved to smack her across the face. i also cried a lot when it came to Mencia/Rebeka. when Samu said “Fuck, you two are cute”? i felt that. i very much cringed at the chocolate scene, but to each their own i guess.

Ari; about 95% of the season disliked her. i didn’t hate her, but she was like a knockoff version of Lu? listen, i know i’m being biased here and it’s very unfair towards her, but to me, it just felt like she always tried to be the mean girl but never really succeeded. my opinion of her skyrocketed in the last few minutes of the last episode, though. we love some good sibling care in this house. not like it had been like that in the beginning, mind you.

i. fucking. hated. Benjamin. like the whole time. i think there was legit one single moment when i thought like “okay hold on that was the first (and last) good move you made this whole season” and it was when he offered Mencia to listen to her anytime she wanted or needed to. otherwise. fuck him. his attitude, his way of talking, his way of acting, fucking everything. (in the very last scene, when he destroyed the table? like yeah, i get that you’re emotional and angry and shit but my dude, your youngest daughter just told you she basically got r*ped on a daily basis by the guy *you* invited to your house because you only saw his money. can you please show some motherfucking self-control and not scare said daughter to fucking death oh my god i hate this guy so fucking much) also because he kicked out azucena. on that note, ander being protective of his mom? absolutely living for it.

aaand Ander. here we go. oof. i did not like him for a good part of the season. actually, i think it probably started in episode one and ended in the last one, lol. i just felt like there were little things that made sense? i appreciated him telling Omar that he finds this other guy (aka Patrick) hot, but like some time later, they break up in this really horrible and heartbreaking sequence and a minute later, Ander goes whoring around like there’s no tomorrow? like, literally? huh? i found myself really torn between who to dislike more; Ander or Patrick. nice el desorden reference. (both the shot where he masturbated alone in the shower and the book, lmao)

as for Omar; can the writers just leave him the fuck alone please? what did he ever do to yall to ever deserve all this shit he has to go through constantly in this show holy fuck i HATE how he got treated by Ander and Patrick and Benjamin. This boy deserves so much better. he did seem a little out of character sometimes, i gotta say. not sure why tho. most times, he was the sweet, empathetic cinnamon roll we know him as. like idk man he does so much for his friends?? the thing with Philippe and Caye at the bar was adORABLE

which leads us to

Philippe. dude. what. was his character. most of the time, i felt kinda bad for him, like his so called friends literally all just saw the royalty in him (not that he made the impression that he didnt like that in the first few episodes, but yeah it’s a thing so i reckoned that would come up later on). also i was so happy for Cayetana ughguhghguhghh they were really cute together......but then he gotta pull this shit, like what??? in the actual fuck. he’s just like “yeah some girl tried to sue me, saying i r*ped her” and then later he’s like “so yeah i’m actually a r*pist, whoops, sorry, can you stay pretty please?” like ex fucking cuse the shit out of me sir. no. the problem is i *want* to like him because pol granch is a fucking sweetheart and i’m catching myself thinking stuff like hes kind of aware that hes a borderline r*pist and that hes also very aware that it’s not okay? but like? he doesn’t try to change? don’t even get me started on his mother. ugly ass bitch. that’s all i have to say.

so i didnt like Cayetana for a major amount of s3, like at all. but yeah, what can i say. shes just a sweet girl okay and now i have a soft spot for her. much like Omar i feel like, she gets a lot of shit, completely uncalled for and there’s nothing she can do against it she just like stumbles into the pile of crap and then is knee-deep in. i feel very sorry for her man i just wanna hug her.

just for the record, there was not a single second that i thought Amomrdm(shit i forgot his name lmfao) -the bad guy- was just being nice and helpful. tbh he just deserved what he got. whoops, there, i said it.

the build up in the last episode was very nice, i gotta say. it was low key obvious who would be the one to attack Ari, but it’s alright. i did not expect the thing with Guzman tho lol. You go man. (but still, aggression problems.)

side note; dude it really sucks that guzman and samuel were too busy fighting over Ari to actually notice her missing lmao

oh also - Rebeka’s ninja kick on the dock??????? HELLO????

guzman and ander leaving made me so fucking emotional?????? excuse me??? who gave them the right?????

edit; (a day later)

just noticed i completely forgot Samu, lol. hes just so far away from my type and i dont really have an opinion on him like yeah hes kind-hearted and cares for his friends, and thats sweet, but uuuhhhhhh. i was only there for the lil gay moments between him and guzman. there were a lot of them. i was really happy when he and Rebeka made up and talked to each other again, that was kinda wholesome. aside from that tho? idk hes just kinda [shrug-emoji] for me (like he had been from s1 all the way on to be quite honest)

that said, i’m sure theres lots more thoughts in my mind but the heat is making my head hurt lol ok bye

[diariesof-kg]

Love & Order.

08_01_2021

I am bothered that I keep having dreams about this person. I am confused why my mind is going in reverse.  Why my mind creates these visuals of us happy and being together when that could never be.  Perhaps it’s the illusion of the mind.  Perhaps my dream is the reality of false hopes.  It’s strange and I need it to stop.  There are moments that I do miss, I can be honest about but I feel as those the rush of disappointments erased all of that.

I do embrace the dreams because they are true feelings that I had. I really loved and cared about her deeply.  It is extremely hard to make me fall in love.  I don’t rush into using the word love either.  I have to feel it on a spiritual level before it leaves my mouth.  I am at most disappointed with myself though. I reflect a lot and think, girl, you were blinded because you left a lot of people behind for things they did to you and you couldn’t see any of this coming.  But relationships are complicated as usual.  The last time we had a disagreement, was when she was doing my hair.  And I remember I just got over it quick and asked for a kiss.  And that was the end of it.  There are positive reasons why I stayed although it felt toxic as hell.  I had experienced things I didn’t experience in my past relationships.  I legit slept on the couch, floor after an argument from my past.  I legit couldn’t get a hug or kiss. It was bad and so part of me was getting something different and I stayed.  There were positive moments.

After the court proceedings, I reflected on what was said.  She said she bit me to get me to leave.  But I was bit outside of your residence and it wasn’t a nibble, it was cuts in my arms and a nasty bruise that looked gross overtime.  That statement made me sick to my stomach.  It just reminded me of victims in domestic violence situations get blamed for them being harmed.  She admitted to it, but still didn’t apologize.  It was disgusting.  This is why I will speak on what happened to me to the masses.  Because there are so many victims who live in silence, because of how conditioned they have become from their partners.  Like when she told me her friend slit her wrist and wrote I love you all over the girlfriend walls because they were breaking up.  What excuse is that?  What if your friend killed her girlfriend, you are going to blame the dead? She shouldn’t have broken up with someone crazy, then she’d be alive.  This is truthfully sick.  It makes sense why your friends are your friends and why as a flock of pigeons, neither one of you really held each other accountable.  Her and her friends find excuses to one’s actions and blames the victims.  That’s honestly scary.  I am lowkey scared for my life now.  I mean wow.  And then the person who paid you to mail drugs or what have you told you the police was coming and to not come home.  I should report his ass. LOL.  He part of the problem too.  You have a whole ring device to avoid the police from your recreational activities. Oh boy.

I am at peace though.  I feel refreshed after everything that has happened.  I wish I could date someone else, but I am stuck, well my soul is stuck on the person who betrayed me.  I am patiently waiting for everything to resolve itself, so that I can move on and be with someone else.  I feel like the timing and the universe will work itself out.  I honestly love the Buffins.  The way they built their foundation and their relationship is goals.  They both have great work ethics and indulge in each other.  I know where they are with each other took a lot of time, but when you know that person is your forever I am going to have to assume something silently dings.  I thought she was my person too, but somehow I was wrong.  Still upset with myself about that.  I even thought, what if all this blows over and we reunite but then I think to myself, she told a federal employee that I stole her identity.  I just can’t forgive that.  That’s really dangerous to lie like that.  You walking around Los Angeles telling lies like that.  I work for the government how gross can you get.  You could make up any lie on me but that is too far.  Even the lawyer was shocked and was like, you work with so many people, why would you choose her.  Especially when they ask if she has a job or monies.  They trying to understand the motive here.  Like that is disgusting.  That’s part of my story too.  Like I said, someone else is for me.  A soulmate.  A lifetime partner.  I just have to be patient enough.  I want to move in with my partner and travel together.  I want to propose the whole nine.

So before everything hit the fan, I had this plan to ask her to be my gf.  The only person that knew of this was my bff Nay.  I had told her to ask her what kind of ring she likes and all these questions.  I started taking her out on random dates just to see how things could go.  I had bought a ring, lordt nobody knows, because they’d all kill me. Lol.  But I did.  You can even check my bookmarks.  Even when I was planning Big Sur, it was all part of the plot.  I remember trying to figure out how to get her out of the resort room to set this all up.  I even reached out to a planner.  I am very romantic when it comes to showing my partner love.  I don’t believe in showing it upfront all the time, because its cliche.  I even had the idea of at my house.  It was a thing.  And this was being planned since December.  I think my bff did ask silver or gold and my bff said silver.  It was bound to happen regardless of us being on bad terms, because I never give up on what I truly feel.  But parts of me is glad I saw those tweets.  Because I would have been a dumbass bish looking real stupid.  I mean I still looked stupid because I was loyal and not being flirtatious to others. I am still upset at my damn self to be honest.

I wake up everyday feeling great, because I can replan it for someone else.  I can fall in love with someone else.  I can spoil someone else who will truly love and care about me.  Who is secure within themselves and open.  That is what keeps me going.  Even though I felt broken after April 30th, I told my therapist no one will ever want me.  And I cried for a week.  I look back and think damn I survived that.  Someone will accept me as damage goods and understand my past.  I do believe it will happen soon.  It’s difficult being that covid has made its rounds again.  But I took time from work to refocus on a few things.  My room is almost done.  Its going to be like a spiritual room when you walk in.  You can meditate, write on the board of things you want to let go of and then it’s just that.  I my friends to feel at peace when they come in.  I know it seems strange but that’s how I want my condo to be as well.  Like a zen vibe.  I am just waiting for more stuff to be delivered.  I am excited about that.  I have not have the urge to hop back on any dating sites.  I do feel different about myself.  I have never had trust issues at all.  And now I do.  I am definitely scared to get to know someone or allow them to know me.  It’s not a good feelings at all.  But I do want to be with someone by 2022.  I want to share a life with someone.  There is no rush but I for one don’t want to be past 35, still can’t be in a relationship.

Parts of me is sad though too.  Because we would look at million dollar homes and in my head, I knew how simple it would to get it.  But like spiritual z said, you can’t protect her anymore and I have to move on and get out of this cycle.  But I do want to settle down by 2022.  I want to get this townhouse or condo and then a Tesla.  And then whomever is interested can have the choice as we get serious to move in with me or we get a place together.  All about communication and commitment and I am ready for that.  But also, I have to close this chapter.  Which means after telling my story to the blogs, the groups etc. and I am fully healed, I know the universe will be ready to send me someone by the end of the year.  I am honestly excited, because I am definitely going to take my future bae on a vacation by the 5th date.  I am not playing this time.  I have the means to do it, so why not.  I saved up enough for anything I desire at this point.  Plus thank you MTV and VH1.  Thank you for all the bookings honestly.  

To end this blog, I will post the responses I received after the domestic violence occurred.  I posted this anonymously to avoid being flooded in my inbox.  But it made me feel better about the situation, especially when you are torn. 

Until next time...

[shelby-love]

KELLY SEVERIDE

“Paramedics gone missing”

Requested: yes

Prompts: none

Warnings: angsty

Authors note: /

"Lieutenant Severide, be safe today okay?"

"Right back at you," He smiles and pulls you in for a kiss by your waist. You smile into the kiss and wrap your arms around his neck.

"Kelly I'm gonna be late for work," You say in the kiss. The taller man that has you in his arms doesn't bother as he continues to kiss you. You manage to break the kiss and escape his dangerous arms, "I'm going to call my brother and tell him to arrest you because you won't let me go to work."

"Call him. I'm not afraid of him," He grins wickedly before he leans his perfect body against his flashy car and opens his arms for you. You roll your eyes dramatically before waking into his grasp once more. With his arms wrapped around your waist and your hands on his shoulders you stand there for a few minutes. "Kelly seriously... Just because you're a lieutenant doesn't mean you can be late for work."

"I'll have Jeff cover me."

"You're playing a very dangerous game," You kiss him. This is the last one. "But I'm not. So I'll see you tonight after work, okay? Say hi to Shay for me."

You try your best to ignore that look on his face. He's a distraction and a magnet for your heart that you can't avoid. Don't want to avoid.

"Yes ma'am," He grins and stands up, his hands never leaving your hips. He knows what he's doing to you, the sexual tension between you two is always so strong.

Knowing that if you stay in his hold another minute you won't be able to enter the firehouse that's right behind you, you pull away and cross your arms over your chest. You point towards the car and stand your ground. Smiling.

"Wear something pretty, we're going to have dinner at 8," He says. You visually start rummaging through your closet and he takes that moment to steal a sweet kiss from you. Your eyes are wide and your cheeks are flushed as you watch him drive away.

"Dammit."

*QUICK FLASHBACK*

"Wait who am I meeting today?"

"My new colleagues!! I felt bad for leaving you alone back at 32 so it's only right for you to meet the people I've been working with." She loops her arm with yours and leads you to the entrance of a pub.

"Molly's?" You eye the cute pub.

"Yes, and I'm the fourth owner of it." She beams as she speaks. "Atta girl!"

"C'mon let's go," The two of you make your way to the entrance. The bell above the door rings when you two enter the pub, indicating that new customers just arrived.

"Hey Shay, welcome back! Who do you have there with you?" A man behind the bar makes his way to your side to serve you, he looks to be in his forties. He has the energy you like, reminds you of someone you work with.

"My partner from back when I was in 32. Y/N this is Herrmann, Herrmann this is Y/N." She intruduces you two and makes a small conversation to make you more comfortable even though you're already liking it here. You take your time to look around while you wait for your drink and while Shay is saying hi to her colleagues. Molly's is a place you see yourself coming to more and more.

"Y/N I'd like you to meet my roommate Kelly," She spoke about him a lot which made you nervous to meet him. You turn your head and look at the most gorgeous man on earth. You choke one air as you shake you hands with him, suddenly to shy and nervous to say a word.

Kelly sits next to you smiling. "I'd like to get to know you."

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"What the hell is this?" Your partner gapes at the building in front of you. "Are you sure we're in the right place Y/N?"

You got your coordinates, East Broome 44 32. A legit adress in a part of Chicago you've never been in. Now that you're looking at it just seems odd... A big building that seems deserted. This is not living space.

You're about to radio main tower and ask them if they gave you the right adress but a women that emerges from the building halts your movements. She's covered in blood. You and your partner immediately exit the ambulance and grab necessary equipment.

"Please! Please help my husband!! He's injured and bleeding and I don't know how to help him!" She cries and your partner tries her best to soothe her. Something feels off about this woman but you follow her nevertheless. You want to ask her what she's doing here but as a paramedic your job is to help him get to the hospital without dying on the way.

The woman seems to know where she's going almost too well. It's like she practiced, mastered it until she could walk where she needs to with blurry vision because of her tears. You and your partner share a look but don't say anything. Both of you just want to get things done.

"Here!! He's here!" She points to the corner of a room that's blank. There's no furniture or anything inside. Your partner and you enter the room to find no one in the corner. Your heart spikes up and you turn around only to be hit in the head with something hard. You're knocked out cold and dragged somewhere you can't register.

***

After several hours of trying to reach you your Chief contacted CPD and registered this as an emergency. Your colleagues kept looking for you but with no avail. They had to return to their duties and your missing was given to the proper authorities.

Jay was the first one to hear you Chief called in. He maybe ordered them to tell him everything that happenes in your house if it's somehow connected to the police. That's why he was immediately told that his sister never returned from her paramedic call.

Under Jay's request your dissappearance was now something Chicago's elite police unit was going to deal with. Everyone in Intelligence worked hard to find any clue to where they might have taken you because apart from blood there wasn't anything they could find to help them figure out where they took you. They talked to witnesses, your house, the main tower and notified every paramedic team to be careful.

"Everyone," Chief of firehouse 51 stood in the room where so many memories are held. Cruz and Otis were bickering, Mouch and Herrmann were watching a game on their TV, some others were cooking but everyone was having fun while they weren't out on the field. Now Chief Bowden was unfortunately going to ruin that for him. "I just got off a call with Chicago Police."

Everyone looked at him with confusion all to evident, "Did we do something?" Severide asked.

"No you did not," Bowden looked at him knowing that this will hit him the most. "I'm here to tell you that ambulance 61 won't be driving alone anymore."

Shay and Dawson exchanged a look, "Why chief?"

"I'm afraid there's been a kidnapping. Two paramedics from firehouse 32 went missing after getting an emergency call. That's why Shay and Dawson...from now on you are going to be accompanied by police every time you go on the field do you understand?" Bowden tried to keep his voice leveled but they all knew how hard this must've been on him too because Y/N meant a lot to all of them.

All eyes fell on Severide who wore a blank expression on his face - that worried them.

"Y/N has gone missing?" He chocked out, the cards he was about to throw on the desk to ensure his victory against his squad members stayed like that in a still motion.

"As of right now, no. Because Y/N and her partner are both adults they can't be pronounced missing until the 24 hour clock is over."

"How long has it been?"

"I'm afraid that as of right now, they haven't been back at their house for 5 hours."

Severide's anger and worry surfaced as he stood up, threw his cards on the table and grabbed his chair sending it flying in the air. Shay broke down in tears and everyone else was left speechless. Y/N is missing.

***

Your eyes opened after what seemed forever. You looked around your surroundings and everything came flooding back. You tried to move your hands and legs but you were tied to a chair. You could practically hear your heart beating uncontrollably in your chest, you were scared to death. Looking around the room you spot your partner in the far corner unconscious on the bare floor in a pool of dark red blood.

Tears start running down your cheeks at that sight, you wonder if the same thing will happen to you. Tape is covering your mouth so you start licking it off, wetting the sticky end of the tape enough to make it loose. You silently thank Kelly for constantly tounge kissing you because you tounge is now as flexible as it could get. You look through the small window, it's nighttime. You got your call at 8 in the morning. A whole day went by and you were unconscious. You continue working your way with the tape, it's getting really loose. But then someone walks in. It's the woman.

She smirks as she walks over to where you were - practically paralized and stuck to the chair. Her manicured fingers trail down your face as she takes in the sight of you. You must look like a mess.

Gunshots.

Her eyebrows skyrocket all the way to her hairline, she grabs a small gun from her purse and stands behind you. "They won't find us if you stay quiet." She says, mocking the fact that you're speechless because of the tape. Not for long.

You start panicking and slowly licking the rest of the tape, it was put over your mouth rather loosely. It isn't hard to take off when you know how to take it off.

Relief washes over you and more tears start to run down your face when you hear Jay yell, "Chicago Pd get on the ground now!"

"JAY!" You start yelling when you hear his voice coming closer.

You take the woman behind you by surprise, she recovers only when Jay enters the room with a gun pointing straight at her head. You feel the gun against your head shake, whole the woman's hand is shaking uncontrollably Jay is standing there raging but his hands are completely calm. You never saw him in his detective Jay Halstead mode.

"Let. Her. Go." His voice is low and commanding but the woman doesn't let go. "I'll kill her just how that paramedic killed my husband."

That woman has a mental problem.

She shoots the bullet next to your leg, you jump in surprise and start breathing heavily. Tears are coming down even harder than they did. "I'll shoot her I swear!"

"No you won't," is what Jay says before he sends his bullet at her head. She falls to the ground and he rushes to you. "I'm so sorry little sis."

***

Kelly Severide is being held by his fellow squad members, he almost took of into the building several times. He wasn't saying anything, just cursing at himself in his mind. He wondered if you were okay. Everyone wondered if you were okay.

When you came out crying with your brother beside you Kelly wasn't stopped from running over to you. He cradled you into his arms and whispered things to you. He kisses your head, your forehead, your nose, your eyes, cheeks and lips countless of times to help you calm down. Then he wrapped his strong arms around you fragile body and whispered sweet nothings in your ear once again.

He was never letting you go again.

[xllxxrbxg]

so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.