#when they’re good at it you don’t even really notice they haven’t actually shown you anything yet

[superpeeboy]

Top five reasons Good Cop Bad Cop are the best characters?

Oh man! You knew what would happen when you asked that. Here goes!

(lots of text below)

1. Concept

GCBC’s concept has always stood out to me. Even before I was obsessed, I looked at his design, and I thought it was cool! The combination of the Good Cop Bad Cop trope and a dual-sided minifig head is really smart! Those ideas combine so well, and without that idea as a basis, GCBC wouldn’t be GCBC.

There’s also subversion of how split-personality characters tend to act! Obviously, Good Cop is the good one and Bad Cop is the bad one, but its more complicated than that. Good Cop is still willing to melt Emmet, and he still works for Business and participates in the policework, he is still a villain despite being nice! And Bad Cop, while it isn’t quite as noticeable earlier in the movie, 100% redeems himself in the end! (And I think he still has moments where he isn’t just full-on evil earlier on, I’ll get back to that later.)

A peculiar fact I know is that they started GCBC’s design with the Good Cop Bad Cop trope, NOT the dual-sided minifig head. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like the natural progression would be starting with the LEGO feature and turning that into a character. But they didn’t do that. Originally, he was just going to flip glasses up and down from his hat.

The highlight of GCBC’s design is obviously their head. I love their outfit (maybe not so much when I’m rendering something), but there’s not that much to do about a police outfit. I only wish it was actually purple. BUT I’m getting distracted. I was trying to mention how GCBC’s faces contrast so much! Good Cop’s large glasses highlight his eyes, and his eyes show how nice he is, they’re round and soft and cute! To contrast Bad Cop’s sunglasses block out his eyes, and all you get to see is his big ol’ mouth. He usually has his teeth shown, with each tooth lined out. You don’t see outlined teeth on Good Cop. Outlined teeth are something I always got told not to do in art, because it makes characters scary. But of course, Bad Cop is supposed to be scary! So he has that trait! And I love to see it!

I’ve always been interested in character design. It’s not something I myself can do very well, but I love to see interesting characters. And GCBC’s design and concept are exactly that! Interesting! (And this whole thing is about GCBC, but I think a lot of the other characters also have really good designs.) What I especially love is how all TLM designs are interesting despite the limitations of being a LEGO. In fact, I think they’d be worse if they weren’t LEGO! The artists had to put a lot of effort into making these designs look good, even as minifigs. I think that’s awesome.

2. Story

Ough! It already hurts and I haven’t even typed yet! But of course, GCBC’s story is important. GCBC is given the most tragic story in TLM. They are forced to keep working for a corrupt boss, and they are the only ones (outside of robots) who are aware of the corruptness. But that is exactly why they have to just go with it, they know Business has the power to kill them and everyone they care about if they went against him.

And even then, even when they’re working for him the best they can, knowing far more than anyone else and having to act normal about it, well you know what happens. GCBC loses everyone. They obviously do not have many people that support them to begin with, but Bad Cop loses his parents and Good Cop! And that leaves him with one person, Business.

It’s implied Business has been so terrible to GCBC for a while. Good Cop is so scared of Business that he avoids the guy as much as possible, to the point Business needed to specifically ask for Good Cop, and even then he would keep switching out. And GCBC’s helmet is mostly for protection from Lord Business, not master builders. But what can GCBC do about their situation? Nothing! Business is the damn president, they can’t do anything about it. And they can’t join the master builders, they’re murderers, they can’t just join the good guys! GCBC is a victim of such unfortunate circumstance.

Isn’t that crazy!? They just add the most horrific abuse on GCBC to this movie!? It’s a movie about LEGO! And you can even see how this affected Bad Cop, if you look closely, and have worms eating your brain! But again, I want to get to that later!

3. Personalities

IT’S LATER! Obviously GCBC is two guys in one. I love that. I love it so much that it feels wrong when people seperate them! I’m getting more and more into my own interpretation and outside of what is actually shown/implied in the movie, but I think GCBC just wouldn’t work seperated. I feel like Good Cop and Bad Cop exaggerate each other’s personalities. Good Cop is really nice, which leaves Bad Cop to have to be the mean one. No matter how nice Bad Cop might try to be, he isn’t going to be able to match Good Cop. And their names are no help anyhow.

If they were to be seperate people, Bad Cop wouldn’t be as aggressive. He wouldn’t HAVE to be! And if he was, then he would just be a complete jerk. But when they’re connected, they both balance eachother out and contrast more. Good Cop allows Bad Cop to be mean and Bad Cop allows Good Cop to be nice.

Good Cop is the nice one. But he isn’t THAT nice. I think I said this earlier, Good Cop was totally okay with killing Emmet and he still works for Business. But he is less violent. He is the Good Cop, so he must be the sympathetic one, or else he wouldn’t BE that! He certainly is evil, but he also certainly is kind.

Bad Cop is the antithesis. He is the bad one, duh. But he also is not entirely terrible. He can be a little nice, as a treat. Especially after the loss of Good Cop. Now that there isn’t a Good Cop to be the good one, that leaves Bad Cop. And if you’ll notice, he does start acting a little nicer. He offers an easy way to Emmet, Wyldstyle, and Vitruvius in that Old West scene, he says thank you to what he THINKS is a robot, and obviously he brings back Good Cop at the end, he’s not entirely evil. But he definitely is a little bit.

During the movie, Bad Cop has a running gag where he beats up chairs. Aha, I’m really going into headcanon territory right now, but I see that as him taking his anger out on chairs instead of PEOPLE! Wouldn’t that be sweet? He tries not to hurt people! Amazing! He also melts people but I forgive him for that!

I love GCBC’s personalities. I love them on their own, but especially how they work together, as ‘one’ character. I love how despite being a Good Cop and a Bad Cop, they’re both more complicated than that. Man these guys are great!

4. Family

GCBC is the one LEGO character given a family. Obviously the story is about the Man and Boy upstairs, and they’re family, but no other LEGO gets that. Emmet and Business aren’t exactly related, even if they’re the LEGOsonas of Will and Finn. In a draft of TLM, Emmet did have a mom, Doris, but she was removed. GCBC gets parents though. And also, eachother, as brothers!

GCBC is a villain. But they have a family that they really do care for. Good Cop can’t bring himself to kill his family, when he’s entirely willing to kill Emmet. And Bad Cop is ‘willing’. But it’s more like he knows that if he doesn’t do it, Business is going to do it instead, and he’ll be punished. And he’s clearly apprehensive anyhow!

I already mentioned how Bad Cop reacts to losing his family, the only people who care for him, but there’s more! Bad Cop sings the song ‘Danny Boy’ after losing Good Cop. An old irish song about losing someone (usually by death) and wishing to be reunited someday. Cool man! I’m not crying! My eyes are sweating!

The fact that GCBC is given a family is very special! And the family really helps with their character. And everyone comes back in the end, but does that change how terrifying it would be to lose all your family, family who Bad Cop was especially close to?

5. Love

And now I talk about what might be the best part of GCBC. The love! Theres so much to GCBC, clearly the creators loved him. I love being able to see that. Despite being the villain, and not even the main villain at that, GCBC is included on lots of merch. GCBC is also included in lots of extras. And he’s included a LOT. GCBC is given so much by the creators!

Liam Neeson didn’t have to voice GCBC in single takes, but he did. Because he thought it fit the character. Because he cared about the character! He improvised that darndarndarnydarn thing because he cared about the character! He added all sorts of weird noises because he thought it fit GCBC! He didn’t HAVE to do that! He wasn’t getting anything from doing that! But he did it because he felt like it made the character better.

Isn’t that just darling? GCBC is not just a fan-favorite, I think he was a favorite of the people who worked on the movie as well! And I think those guys know a lot about TLM, ha ha! So, that’s 5 reasons why GCBC is the best character, in my opinion.

[steve0discusses]

Ep 45 Part 2: I, Again, Did Not Expect Ryou

The revolving door of characters wandering into this boss arena continues, and this time it’s Pharaoh who is trying to catch up to the plot with the dead woman on the ground, the giant tablet to the side, and Seto who is cackling to himself in a corner.

And Seto does a big ol laugh and it’s been a while since we got a villainous laugh out of Seto. Been a LONG TIME. Probably felt great for this voice actor to go back to his roots.

(read more under the cut)

Y’all.

It’s been a while I’ve been doing this blog, right? And I take it slow, especially right now with chronic fatigue stuff, but MAN I really thought we’d be dueling SETO. Not Aknadin in a Seto Bean! That’s a different guy!

Yugioh! That’s a completely different guy!

And there’s time for the big showdown between Pharaoh and Seto to actually happen. But trying to write it so we no longer develop this rivalry between Seto and Pharaoh feels like...they had to do that because Seto became a friend maybe kind of unintentionally.

It still works, they haven’t lied to us, I just...I have mixed feelings about it.

Mimicking Blue Eyes in Season 1 and Season Zero, this dragon will not work for you if you are not Seto Kaiba. Or Yugi. She’ll sometimes allow Yugi to play her in his deck. But definately not Seto Imposters. And like that, Aknadin is dead by his own hubris.

Hubris be killing a lot of billionaires lately, amiright? Yugioh just leaning into my love of killing billionaire gentry with hubris.

This romantic moment somewhat ruined by the animation team refusing to draw fingers and always keeping everyone’s hands clenched like they’re gonna furiously poop.

Yami watches as Seto recreates the vision that Kaiba had seen several years prior on the blimp. And Yami I’m sure felt entirely 3rd wheel. But he’s used that. He lives in Yugi’s bean. He probably thinks 3rd wheel is normal and how everyone feels all the time.

And then THIS HAPPENS.

Seto decides he’s had enough of watching behind a pillar, and now that everyone is dead and sobbing he should go out and harass Yugi. Youknow, at this funeral. The funeral of his beloved from like a previous life or whatever. Seto is kind over it and for once he is the one that needs a ride home.

And he’s like “hey so...I noticed that guy looks like me”

And then, when you think “well I guess Seto joins the party?” they just start screaming at eachother, within earshot of Seto, within earshot of the dead dragon card, within the earshot of like the entire world.

Remember that no one can actually see Seto but Pharaoh, which makes it even more funny.

Bakura segue’s us back to Yugi and his cursed friends, where he’s trying his best to explain the logic of cursing your classmates with dark magic so you can go on playdates.

The idea that you go through all the trouble to curse people into liking you, but the puzzle itself is made of dark magic, so it finds the most terrifying people to make your friend, is funny to me although it is completely my headcanon.

Anyway, get ready for the still my computer caught for this next one.

(it’s “surprise” but eh I don’t feel like fixing it at this point.)

It DOES look like Tristan is doing a weird cross punch, he’s actually tossing both of them and his hands over extended to the other side, which is a thing we do in animation, we go past the point you intend to go so it looks more fluid--but it does make the tweens funny.

The floor gives way and creates scales made out of the eyes.

Will Yugi leap from his scale and send his friends to purple doom, or will he find Pharaoh’s name and save the world?

which like, wouldn’t be a good episode of Yugioh unless multiple people were asking to die, and Joey nailed it in the most Brooklyn way this Japanese boy knows how.

And so Bakura was like “never mind.” which I guess was an option in the footnotes that only he could read.

Not shown is a hard to cap animation where Yugi leapt from his edge of the scales and just clung to Joey’s waist and Joey was like “gotta hang on to your friends, right Yuge?” And Yugi was like “Does that mean you forgive me already? Or are you being sarcastic right now?”

Inside of the room is this.

I LOVE the outline tool in photoshop. Good stuff. I LOVE it. and so does this animation team. Outlined the HELL out of those birds.

They leave the name zone room, with no idea at all how to say Pharaoh’s name. Where, they ran straight into Tristan and decided enough was enough, it’s time to have a chat. Because no, they haven’t figured it out.

You may be asking “so where did Tristan go?”

I DON’T KNOW.

He’s probably not fine. But um. No idea where Tristan went.

Also, guess who we haven’t seen in like 20 episodes since Seto stepped over his prone body on the steps?

Ryou! Little Ryou is back!

This guy who we...thought was a good guy? Anyway he’s off to literally kill Yugi, just like he’s want to do.

Straight up...I can’t fully predict Ryou, mostly because we rarely ever see the kid, but damn, he sure did wake up just ready to do a murder today, didn’t he?

And yes, this does mean that Ryou was pretending to be Bakura pretending to be Tristan, just so we the audience could get a fun triple reveal in this episode.

For some damn reason Ryou brought a duel disk to ancient Egypt. So we WILL get actual proper cards. And by proper cards, I mean Yugioh TV show cards, which line up not at all with the actual card game. Can’t wait to spell FINAL and then die.

Anyway, here’s the link to read these in chrono order.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

We are quickly running out of people in this season to kill, but we still got a few of Pharoah’s ancient friends left, and as for who dies next episode? My bet is on...Isis. Sorry Isis, I know you got a cool hat and you’re the token girl but, she’s super dead next right?

[yukine-sakamoto]

Shadows House Season 1 Review

I really liked this show, even more than I thought I would, actually, and I’m surprised it has so few members on my anime list. I want more people to watch it so they make more of it. I don’t think they can finish everything in the one more season that exists right now.

First, the mystery was done so well. The pacing of the small reveals that just lead to more questions. The way the world of the show slowly opens up to us. It just pulls you in. I love a show with really deep lore. And the characters were so well made. I came to love all of them, even though/because each has faults. The outfits of the shadows were each unique and beautiful, and despite having no features, the shadows were all so expressive. Honestly, the whole show is beautiful. They managed to do one of my favorite things which is blending fantasy/action with bits of slice of life. You have the mysterious soot stuff going on, but you also have these occasional cute moments of just life in the mansion. It’s difficult to get the pacing right, which is why I think it’s not often attempted, but this felt very smooth, and did a fantastic job of contributing to the character arcs. It wasn’t too scary either. There were definitely some unsettling scenes that set the dark undertones for the show, but it was still very palatable for me. The ED is fantastic too. Really captures the mood of the whole show. The last two episodes are apparently anime only, and they definitely felt a little different. I haven’t read the manga, so it didn’t really bother me, and the manga author is involved in the show, so I’m willing to believe they have a plan. I still thought the ending was satisfying. It ties up some smaller threads from earlier, while still leaving the broader questions open leaving you wanting more seasons.

I gave it 9/10, and I don’t give out a lot of nines. I actually think this show has become one of my favorites.

Now, some more detail on the last two episodes (spoilers)

The whole kidnapping thing felt very rushed. Edward had very little to go on to prove that Kate was involved in any kind of misconduct, so it seems odd that he would go straight to kidnapping Emilico as a plan. He is shown throughout the debut arc to be a meticulous planner and schemer, so this is fairly out of character. I saw some manga readers that were quite frustrated with this as it’s apparently well out of line for his manga character as well. I wasn’t too bothered by that aspect. I was more peeved by the way Ricky and Lou were cured of the soot coffee. It felt way too easy compared to what Emilico and Shawn went through. I don’t think the coffee effects would fade so quickly as to lower the bar that much.

I did like seeing all the kids work together to figure out how to save Emilico and get Kate into the other wing. John’s veiled doll impression was hilarious. I feel like Gerald and Aileen didn’t do anything all season, but it was especially painful that they did the same “they must be disguised as veiled dolls” bit twice. I liked that we got to see Kate’s wings again, but it felt like a stretch of John’s powers to push them like that. I found it an odd choice to have Kate and Emilico land on top of the boys. I don’t know, maybe it was supposed to be funny? I don’t get it. It was also very convenient that John was able to escape via the soot bird without any kind of difficulty or anyone noticing. Felt like the writers wrote themselves into a corner and had to make do. Honestly I’m kind of nitpicking though. I enjoyed the little arc overall, it was nice seeing Edward get caught (It was also clear that it was anime-only so they couldn’t give him any real consequences, but anyway). Still, I feel like they could have ended things in a fairly satisfying way right after Kate notices the soot coffee effects to leave a good cliffhanger, maybe when they’re meeting lord grandfather. Or maybe after Kate cures her. That would still leave the other three’s condition open ended. It felt like a very awkward transition right after that emotional scene to jump right into the kidnapping. I guess they wanted to get to a full cour.

Biggest reveal of that arc is that the little morph with a bow actually is Shirley. I thought I was deluding myself, but no somehow she survived. I can only imagine the reveal was done differently in the manga; the Shirley-morph had a surprisingly large roll in the rescue. Also, we see Shirley-morph seems to stay with Rum, which is adorable and heartbreaking. We know she’s alive, which is expected since we knew the plan was to make her a veiled doll, but we never see her face. We don’t know her mental condition right now, and we were told that the veiled dolls undergo some kind of extra soot coffee treatment. I’m not sure Rum will be able to be brought back like the others. It’s clear the coffee has different strengths as it was used to wipe memories in the very beginning. Rum might be saved but not be able to remember any of the events thus far. Also, Shirley-morph hasn’t taken her form again, so there must be more going on with her.

Other questions still open: How does Kate know so much and why does she seem to harbor such a personal hatred towards the house? Why is Edward so obsessed with getting to the third floor? How has he been watching Kate and the others? What’s his next move? Why does he suspect Kate so much? Why does he suspect the others in the third floor crew? What are their goals anyway? What is lord grandfather’s end goal? World domination? What do the star bearers do? What other types of soot powers are there? What’s in the box Kate found when searching for Emilico? What happens in that soot room we saw in the intro? Actually, I think we see it again in the outro. I really liked the parallelism of having those two montages book end the show. It looked like Kate, John, and Louise were getting instruction on soot powers in the same room. Also there were a couple shadows that were working on Emilico’s cage in the intro that we see again in the outro in some kind of workshop. I want to meet them. I want to meet all the characters. I think I will take a break before watching season 2, though, as this show has genuinely affected my sleep.

[henrysglock]

Hey, I know you do some movie analysis and one of the movies I recently watched is “The Good Son” which is on the inspo board. Spoilers, but the plot is literally about a “child psychopath” named Henry who murdered his infant brother in the backstory and in the story proper tries to murder his sister and especially hates his mother for catching on to his troubling behavior and for trying to have him institutionalized (so he tries to kill her in the climax but he dies himself after his mother concludes that he was born evil and the movie lands on that message). I am curious as to what yours and aemiron’s take on this is movie is because of how clearly this is inspiration for Vecna’s backstory and just how contradictory it’s messaging is to what you guys interpret/theorize about it. I’m on anon because I don’t want to get ostracized for even suggesting that Vecna was born evil (I disagree with that message but I’m being neutral on whether the duffers agree with me), and this is why I decided to just ask the experts.

Personally, I haven’t seen The Good Son, so I can’t speak in depth about that movie’s specifics.

However I think it’s important to remember that inspiration ≠ direct copy. We should also keep in mind that there are a multitude of contradictory plot points in Henry’s backstory.

For one: He physically could not have killed Alice (I’ve made this point several times across the past months). Alice was still clearly alive before Victor went into his trance. As we know from later in the season, given that it was a critical and heavily focused on part of Nancy’s plan: Vecna can’t do anything else while he’s trancing someone. Thus, Henry could not have killed Alice, since she was still alive when Victor enters his trance.

Point blank. He could not have killed Alice.

Second: He never says he despised his mother. He says his mother despised him. Very different things.

Third: There are a multitude of signs that Virginia was less than stellar as a mother (including but not limited to whatever the hell her bathtub vision was referring to [shudders] egh), but relatively few signs that Henry was anything but weird. Virginia was planning to ship Henry off to MARTIN BRENNER at a DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY MKULTRA LABORATORY. I mean, my god. Henry was twelve. Victor describes Henry as sensitive, the same way Joyce describes Will as sensitive.

Fourth: As I’ve detailed here:

Henry doesn’t meet any of the markers for conduct disorder (child psychopathy doesn’t exist, anon).

It’s also important to remember that the Duffers love a good twist…which is what I absolutely believe they’re setting us up for.

The Good Son feels more like an inspiration for this cover story to disguise the twist, if you ask me.

We’ve only been shown the briefest, most disjointed glimpse into Henry’s childhood. On the surface, before you actually study the scenes, it may seem like “oh he’s a psycho killer monster, that’s easy and simple”…But that’s NOT what Stranger Things has ever been about. It wasn’t like that for Billy, or El (who, for her age, has a FAR higher kill count than Henry at the same age), or any of them. Everyone is a product of their circumstances, and there are no innate monsters. Just people.

I mean this with all the kindness in the world: You have to actually watch what’s happening in the scenes, Anon. There’s a ton of shit that doesn’t add up.

You have to pull back the curtain, Anon. This is the “common interpretations aren’t the right ones” show. They literally tell you to look “too deep” in S1-3. Henry’s story is no different. Henry is not exempt.

[northlight14]

Ok so while it’s not my least favourite episode (cough cough happy campers cough cough) I genuinely really hate the episode Western Energy of Helluva Boss. It has a lot of potential definitely and a few good moments but for me that was kinda where season 2 noticeably fell off for me and only recently has it started to come back and I’ve started to enjoy Helluva Boss again, though admittedly not as much as season 1. So in the sincere hope this post isn’t going to result in me getting sent death threats, I wanna share how I personally would improve the episode

Mine and other people’s biggest issues with that episode from what I remember is that the pacing is just honestly horrific because they tried to fit in too much into one episode. And then also just that the B plot was boring, ridiculous and made Luna into a literal dog. I know that Luna’s voice actor was dealing with some stuff at the time which is why she wasn’t in a position to do any voice acting which is fair enough but there was such a better and easier way to get around that which I’ll get to in a minute

First things first, I’d have the episode split into two separate episodes, the first episode being released focusing on Blitzo and then the second focusing on Moxxie and Millie rescuing Stolas. The first episode starts where the I.M.P gang are gonna go and do an assassin mission (I say this because at this point in the series, the Imps haven’t been on a killing mission since Ozzies and even then it was just a throwaway thing at the beginning. The last time we saw them actually do their jobs was Cherubs or arguably Truth Seekers but I don’t really count they since they weren’t hired to kill D.O.R.K.S). We maybe then get a throwaway line about how Luna can’t help because she’s doing something else, doesn’t want to, or my personal favourite, she’s with Octavia for the day because she got told that Octavia’s parents are out talking about their divorce and she’s being her emotional support for the day. That way, even though we aren’t seeing it, we get some subtle development of their sister relationship behind the scenes.

Anyway, just as they’re about to go, the Imps get a call from Stolas about how he’s being kidnapped and Blitzo is just like “ok I’ll go deal with the killing, you go deal with him”. The rest of the episode follows Blitzo on the assassination mission and all that, potentially getting some subtle hints about things not going great with Moxxie and Millie but Blitzo is obviously too wrapped up in his own shit to notice and also we maybe play on those insecurities about him being alone, or scared of losing people. Maybe some aspect of the mission makes him run into an addict and that makes him think about his sister, hence why he’s so eager to find her in Happy Campers.

Anyway, Blitzo gets the mission done and everything is good except he and then the audience sees Stolas being rushed to the hospital, and we get the line “he can get hurt?” And boom end of episode. No one knows what happened or if he’s ok

Cut to the next episode which follows Moxxie and Millie saving Stolas and we’re finally allowed to know what happened. A few details I’d change though would be keep Strikers intimidating presence rather than just making constant jokes and comments about how cool and hot he is or whatever. Some of that is ok but in this episode when Striker is literally kidnapping one of the main cast, and he’s the only one who has the ability to actually kill that character, it shouldn’t feel like the show itself is in love with him.

Second, use this opportunity to focus on how well the M&M’s work together and their individual strengths. It’s such a minor detail but it annoys me, why the fuck was Millie the one distracting a dude in one scene while Moxxie was going on a killing spree in the background when it’s been shown multiple times that their strengths are when that’s reversed. On top of that, there can also be some hints about what their weaknesses are while working together etc. idk I just want the M&M’s fleshed out more in terms of how their differences work as a couple as well as when they’re apart

This second episode would go back and forth between the M&M’s and Stolas and Striker but for the most part everything else would be the same. The M&M’s obviously save Stolas and he gets sent to the hospital. That’s when we get to see the text messages between Stolas and Blitzo, then end of episode

Hope this made sense and obviously this is just my opinion. Remember, just because you like something doesn’t mean you can’t critique it or say how it could be better. And you’re allowed to disagree with me, this is just how I would’ve went about it

[where-fading-princesses-live]

eBay Rant

Boy, oh, boy do I have a juicy eBay rant coming your way.

 So, I’ve been buying on eBay since 2016 and never run into major issues with sellers.

 The stupidest seller I ever came across was one such person who thought it smart to ship me a *porcelain* doll in a cardboard box with no outer protection, and of course, she broke into a million pieces and I basically got her for free, lol. I never thought anyone could be more stupid than that.

 But this one takes the cake.   🎂

 So, I’m looking at this from two sides—as a buyer and a seller. I’m also a part-time seller myself. I don’t sell very often because I don’t have too much to sell; but if I want to downgrade and need the money, I’ll part with a few items in my own collection. I usually sell occasional doll items and have never had a major issue with buyers (I’ve had more issues with Facebook Marketplace than eBay), but naturally, if a customer had a complaint, I would not have responded in the way this bloke did.

Well, there’s a first for everything, right?

I’ve been buying and collecting high quality photos of old Hollywood stars for some time now and I purchased a Don Knotts photo on Sunday, January 1 (Don Knotts is one of my faves and I have quite a collection on him). The photo finally arrived on Monday, January 9 but unfortunately, it was not the high quality I expected. The seller claimed in the item description that the photo was from an original negative from a film print of a Steve Allen show episode (which are hard to find; only a few episodes exist on DVD). But naturally, the old Steve Allen shows (as most old tv shows back in the 50s) were not on film. They typically ‘’filmed’’ live using a process called kinescope, which is not tape or film, and the quality tends to be very low (you’ll notice any Steve Allen show episodes uploaded to YouTube are very poor quality, because that was the low, cheap quality they processed the show to be shown on the very small tv screens; there is no high definition version that exists, even with restoration. The quality looks worse on our big flat screens, something that was not very noticeable back then on small tube television sets in the 50s). But judging by the seller photo, it looked like it might be a higher quality glossy that I’m used to. I’ve also purchased some photos from the Red Skelton Hour that also used the same process of The Steve Allen Plymouth Show, but they were actual stills used to advertise the show in the newspapers at the time, so the quality was better. So, that’s what I was expecting, more or less.

 But I get a photo that looks like this:

And to be fair, that is the quality of the videos you will see, but the seller photo just made me think otherwise.  Normally, I don’t buy items from sellers who are too cheap to afford a basic scanner to scan their items, because it’s hard to rely on crappy cell phone pictures that don’t determine what the photo will look like in person, but I decided to take a chance, because you know… I’m a simple man. If I see Don Knotts, I click, lol. And I’m a big fan of The Steve Allen Show.

 The seller, despite only being on eBay since January 2022, also had good reviews from buyers (I always review their profile and reviews before buying, if I haven’t bought from them before just to make sure they’re okay). He was at 100% when I bought the photo but more on that later.

So, to make a long story longer, I requested a refund on the day of delivery (January 9). I stated why I was returning the item when I opened the refund request. The seller responded on Tuesday, January 10. First red flag was that he did not use pleasantries. ‘’Hi, how are you? May I ask why you are returning the photo?’’ That’s how I would respond.

 No, here was his abrupt response. And terrible grammar to boot (no punctuation at the end of his sentence, but I’m not here to be a Grammar Nazi).

 ‘’What is wrong with the photo?’’

  (And I’ve blocked my name but really this seller does not deserve to be protected for privacy reasons; he is a cautionary tale for anyone on eBay.)

But another thing that was strange, too, was that I have returned some photos before in the past or requested refunds for photos that were not to my standards, and the sellers were always polite and very rarely ever asked questions about my returns. They always refunded me promptly. There’s really no reason for a seller to ask, ‘’What’s wrong with the photo?’’ Buyers don’t necessarily need a reason for a refund; sometimes they change their mind. Yes, I’m aware of buyer scams, but I’ve cancelled orders before for buyers who just had their own reasons for no longer wanting the item. It isn’t my business to ask. For instance, someone wanted to buy an American Girl Doll from me and changed their mind at the last minute because they had a surgery coming up. Understandable. I moved on to the next interested buyer. The less you ask of your buyers, the better. They don’t need to explain themselves. If they don’t like it or it doesn’t match the item description, they have a right to return it.

 I wanted a refund for an item I thought was going to be higher quality, but I got a very fuzzy, blurry photo. It wasn’t the seller’s fault; it just wasn’t what I expected.

 Well, this guy has only been on eBay since January 2022 (and he’s not just a seller, but also a buyer; in fact, he has more reviews as a buyer than a seller, five pages worth, and he only had seven reviews as a seller at the time I bought the photo), so I should’ve known right off the bat he’s a newbie who isn’t familiar with the standard eBay procedure in how to deal with customers.

 But in my experience, the sellers NEVER directly message me to ask me questions about why I’m returning the item or requesting a refund. I always state why when I make the request.

 I always maintain cordiality no matter how rude the person I’m dealing with (I’ve worked customer service for years, so I’m used to it), so I just responded with an honest answer. I always try to treat sellers the way I would want my buyers to treat me. Most buyers would just yell at the seller for no apparent reason.

 The seller seemed to soften after I kindly explained the issue and only then, did he start to use pleasantries. Because see? Niceness goes a long way. Usually if you’re nice about it, they’ll be nice right back. Usually.

 Well, he clearly stated that I did not need to return the photo and that he would give me a full refund on Wednesday evening (January 11). Good. I thought the matter was solved and I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I received a notification via email that the seller accepted my return. eBay did send me a shipping label to return the item, but again, the seller told me to keep it, and I did not want to waste more money sending it back anyway (the item was $10, and shipping was $10. With tax, the total came to be $20.84, for a photo that was not very good to begin with), so I hoped the seller would keep his promise and refund me ASAP.

 Come Wednesday evening, there’s no refund. I waited a few days and heard no response from the seller, so I reached out again on Monday, January 16. Most buyers wouldn’t even wait this long.

 The seller did not respond so I reached out again the following Wednesday, January 18. I never heard a response. Again, the seller promised he would refund me LAST Wednesday. It had been over a week now. I think I gave him more than enough time to issue me that refund. I also saw him listing new items on his store between the time I messaged him three times, so he was clearly more preoccupied with his own business than actually assisting a customer. He was ignoring all my messages. I was not a priority to him.

 I wasn’t sure if I should wait for his response, but I was starting to think I was never going to see that $20 again. My first mistake was not asking eBay Customer Support to step in, but they gave me a message on the 9th when I opened the case that they would only be available to help until January 13, so it was already past the window for me to contact them, and I couldn’t figure out how to contact them through the website directly anyway (there was a number to call which I should have tried, and their live chat wasn’t very useful either). In all my years buying on eBay, I never had to escalate a return case to eBay Customer Support because the sellers always resolved the issue in a timely manner and never ignored my inquiries. Frankly, I just wasn’t sure what to do next. This seller was purposely giving me a hard time.

 So, I was admittedly losing patience now and reached out to PayPal directly on Wednesday, January 18 (PayPal always refunds me for merchants who refuse to do so). I gave them all my documentation. I explained the issue and provided them with screenshots of my eBay order, the conversation I had with the seller showing that he clearly promised me a refund, and an Account Statement that detailed my credit (showing date of purchase, the order ID, and the card I used to pay for the item).

 On Thursday, January 19, I left a negative review for the seller because he ignored all my messages and I think I waited long enough for him to respond, and if he just issued me a refund in the first place like he said he would, I wouldn’t have to be going through all this. This is also the first negative review I've ever had to write up simply because I never had to before. I prefer not to write them if I can avoid it, but this experience has been very trying. Most buyers would just go straight to the reviews and start lashing out at the seller before contacting the seller first, but I think I followed all the steps. I contacted the seller first, chatted politely with him in private, and agreed to settle the issue, so there was no reason for me to write a negative review, and that’s usually how I go about it. I’ve only written maybe two neutral reviews (which one seller had eBay remove and another asked me to change to positive after he refunded me the difference for overcharged shipping), but otherwise, I try to avoid it. I’m not out to ruin a seller’s perfect 100% rating on purpose. But this seller did not handle the issue properly and I think I gave him a fair chance. I also worded my review as kindly as possible despite my frustration. His rating is now down to 99.1% (not counting the false positives he’s received as a buyer from other sellers but more on that later).

 After reviewing the details of my case, on Tuesday, January 24, PayPal denied my case because I accidentally deleted the PayPal receipt, and I wasn’t able to recover the file from my email because it was more than 7 days ago. PayPal did give me from Tuesday, January 24 to Friday, January 27 to provide them the additional documentation of my receipt, but there was no way to recover it. All I had was the Account Statement to show proof of credit. They said ‘’because we never received documentation that proves you are due a credit’’ they unfortunately had to deny me. Because I reached out to PayPal, the Return was automatically closed on eBay on the 18th. Well, I was a little disappointed they didn’t see my side. It was the first time PayPal denied me.

 It’s mostly my fault because it’s the first time I’ve failed to save the PayPal receipt. I usually always archive them in my emails when I place the order and save the receipt until the order arrives in case I need a refund, but I guess I just wasn’t thinking. Oh well. I had 10 days to appeal my case to PayPal, but since I can’t recover the receipt, I decided not to pursue the refund further and let it go. Sure, I’m short $20 now but I know for the future to just save the receipts and ask eBay to step in first. It’s not really a big deal, just a lesson to be learned.

 I thought about disputing the charge directly through my bank or credit card company, but it’s such a hassle to go through all that for $20. If the charge was more, I would consider it, but I also don’t want the bank to think I’m attempting to commit ‘’friendly fraud’’ so again, I just decided to let it go. Life’s too short to worry about stuff like that. It’s not worth the aggravation and I have more important things to worry about.

 On the same day PayPal closed my case, I did manage to reach out to eBay Customer Service via Facebook messenger (which I should have done in the first place) to just to double check if there wasn’t anything more they could do. They were very sympathetic to my case, but they explained because ‘’a dispute was opened with PayPal. Once this happens, it would take precedence over our claims process, and we would no longer have the ability to issue a refund on the order. It definitely isn't that we don't want to help, our hands are just tied. If you haven't already, I would encourage you to reach out to PayPal and see if the case can be appealed, or what other options they may have to help. We hope this is resolved soon.’’

 So, that was that, and I just decided to let it go because there was nothing else to be done, and I didn’t think more of it. That was four days ago.

 BUT WAIT... THERE’S MORE 

So, this morning, I see the seller messaged me at 11 AM, practically harassing me over the negative review I left for him. Like I need more stress in my life, lol.

Sorry, I’m lmfao right now, this is so rich.

  🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

And, oh the awful grammar. Dude, please do yourself a favor and go back to school. I’m losing brain cells trying to make sense of this.

 Something’s wrong with me? Mmkay. No, I think something is wrong with you. I asked you three times for a refund, and you chose to ignore me. You do realize it’s been three weeks, right? Or can’t you tell time?

  First off, I did not ‘’keep the photo free of charge.’’ lol what? 🤣 I paid appx. $20.84 for the photo that you NEVER REFUNDED, so you basically kept my $20 for yourself. Even if I printed out the return label to ship it back to you, you probably STILL would not have refunded me, and I would have been short even more money than I already am right now. (I’d return it now, but I no longer have the shipping label, and I doubt anyone would want this crummy photo. The 2 bids you see were both placed by the Gixen Mirror service on my behalf. There was no other competition.)

 Also, sorry I wasted YOUR precious time sending you three messages, two of which you ignored, and having to go through PayPal and having them review my case for an additional week. Yes, I clearly wasted YOUR time. 🤣 Dude, really. It’s been 20 days since I opened the return on the 9th, and it’s been 18 days since I last heard from you. I gave you more than enough time to refund me, which you failed to do.

 I’m sorry, I just can’t right now. XD I honestly think this guy is brain damaged. Ngl

(Also, a funny thing happened when he shipped me the item. He assumed I was married (for some reason???) and addressed me on the envelope as ‘’Mrs. So-and-So.’’ Like… you *never ever* assume a woman’s marital status, or *anyone’s* marital status for that matter, like for real… I didn’t let it bother me, but still, it was hilarious. I don’t think he’s very smart.)

  🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

In all seriousness, I did not think my review was unfair. I only stated I'd been waiting for a refund the seller promised since January 11. I understand, of course, if he was busy filling other orders, but I gave him more than enough time to refund me and sent him two additional follow-up messages, one on January 16 and another on the 18th and he never responded to my inquiries. He's just now responding.

 I just think it’s ridiculous that I’d been waiting for him to refund me since January 11, and, even if he was busy, he could have temporarily set aside his orders for a measly minute. I’m sure it doesn’t take nearly as long to send a refund. It took him six days to ship my order, so he’s clearly in no rush to fill orders. There was no reason for him not to take two minutes out of his day to issue me a refund. Most sellers I’ve dealt with in the past issued me a refund in no more than three days at most. He intended to drag this out longer than necessary. Also, the cordial thing for him to do, if he was so busy, was to reply to my messages explaining he would get back to me as soon as possible, and I would’ve understood. I’m aware sellers have lives outside of eBay, but usually if there’s a delay for whatever reason, a *good* seller will always keep me informed.

 A *good* seller cares about customer satisfaction, as in responding to customer inquiries at your earliest convenience. If it were me filling a refund request, I would not wait weeks and weeks to get them their money. I would do so right away. And if life happens, just reach out. I basically did all the work messaging the seller regarding the issue. He did not have the common courtesy to reach out to me and explain why it was taking him so long.

One time, I messaged a seller to ask when they would ship an item after a week had gone by since placing the order, and they responded by saying their wife had suddenly passed away and there would be a slight delay in shipping, and of course I understood, and wished them sympathy and simply told them to take all the time they needed. Another time, a seller informed me they were out-of-town on vacation and would ship my item as soon as they returned, and I wished them a good trip and there was no rush. I received both items as promised from these sellers who were kind enough to take the time to explain the delay. This seller, however, did not bother telling me he was busy filling other orders, so how was I to know? Also, a few more reviews were left for him from other buyers a few weeks AFTER I opened my return case, so he should have refunded me first before he filled other orders. Why keep me waiting? And he only had until January 31st before eBay closed the Return. Why wait until the last minute? I feel like he was doing so on purpose, lol. There was absolutely no communication with him. Most sellers will ghost you if you agree on a refund. Sometimes, they say they will refund you and never follow through, and just keep your money, so naturally I assumed I’d been ghosted.

 Again, he just didn’t go about this the right way. If you say you will issue me a refund on January 11, but there’s a delay for whatever reason, he should have reached out to me. Again, I waited several days before reaching out to him, trying to give him time to respond. I tried to follow up with two additional messages which went completely ignored, so at that point, there was no more excuse. The fact that he’s just NOW responding to me on Saturday, January 28, 11 days after the Return was closed by eBay and four days after PayPal closed my case, it just says enough about this seller in general. Obviously, a procrastinator. It shouldn’t take you nearly a whole month to give a customer’s money back. JMO

 I always maintained cordiality and never resorted to threats, so I'm not sure why he feels the need to threaten me now. I have since blocked him, but I did reach back out to eBay Customer Support on Messenger and showed them this seller is going out of his way to harass me. I've been buying on eBay since 2016 and never encountered a character quite like this one. No buyer has ever left me a negative review either because I always try to be reasonable and understanding. I don't want to cause any more trouble, I'm just letting them know this eBay seller is prone to harassing his customers and I just hope he doesn't treat other customers in similar fashion in the future.

 So, eBay did respond and said, ‘’Thank you! You're completely entitled to your feedback, and you don't have to delete it. We'll go ahead and report the seller on our end so our Trust team can take appropriate action based on their findings. On your end, I recommend not engaging with this user further. Please keep us in the loop and let us know if you run into any other issues, we're here to help.’’

 So, I hope nothing more comes of this and this guys just quietly goes away.

 BUT WAIT... THE PLOT THICKENS

I did investigate him further and found out, as a buyer, he has several false positives from other sellers. He’s had at least four complaints from four different sellers for failing to pay for items, despite their constant notices and reminders. I wish I looked into him further before buying from him, because obviously, if he has an issue paying sellers, then he surely has an issue refunding his customers. But I probably wouldn’t have taken that into account, since I rarely request refunds and rarely experience issues with my items. I’m not sure if anything was done about it, apart from the orders being cancelled, or if these sellers tried to contact eBay’s Trust team to report him, but I’m just putting it out there. Unfortunately, sellers cannot leave negative feedback for buyers, so if a seller experiences an issue with buyers, and they leave a review, it will just be counted as a false positive. I wish I’d read all the reviews thoroughly. So, despite his generally positive reviews from other buyers, I wouldn’t let this deter you. He clearly has issues when it comes to money, whether it’s paying on time or issuing a refund.

If you ever deal with him, proceed with caution.

 I will say this whole experience has given me weeks long headaches and an upset stomach, but I also won’t say it wasn’t at least remotely entertaining. Shakespeare would’ve loved this kind of drama.

[tonydaddingham]

I was worried about sullying your original post because it's really good by itself but I've had a lot of thoughts about the Job mini-sode and how it compares to the the Final Fifteen so here goes:

The original reason I even thought to compare them is because I thought the track that plays while they’re talking on the beach - Fallen Angel sounded a lot like one of the songs at the end - either The Biggest Decision or The End?. I haven’t been able to pin down what parts exactly but they all scratch something in my brain.

There are a lot of the same beats between both scenes though.

Aziraphale resigns to a fate that he thinks is about to befall him. He obviously doesn’t want to, but recognizes that he has to. In Job, it’s because he feels it’s the appropriate punishment. In the FF, it’s for a myriad of reasons (to make a Heaven worthy of Crowley, to simply survive, to stand for what is Right - whatever your cocktail is).

Crowley implies that whatever decision he’s made won’t be good for him. “I don’t think you’d like it.” vs “We don’t need Heaven. We don’t need Hell. They’re both toxic.”

In Job, Aziraphale says that it has to be done because he’s thwarted the will of God. In FF, he’s actively working as soon as he hears about the Second Coming (if not sooner) to fight the will of God - or at least the VOICE of God.

“Nothing has to change.” - As far as Crowley is concerned, nothing has. Aziraphale has still chosen Heaven over ‘our side,’ which while it isn’t a phrase that’s used in the Job episode, I would say is the early seed of that concept.

What is Aziraphale? - In FF, He’s an angel without a halo. He’s going to be the Supreme Archangel, but the truth is, he’s exactly what Crowley tells him in the Job scene, and he knows it. He’ll go with Heaven as far as he can in order to meet his end goals.

Lonely- Pretty self-explanatory.

Some other little things that I noticed is the way they’re framed at the end of the Job mini-sode is similar to the end of episode 6. Now they’re shown from the back in the Job but they visually take up the same sides of the screen. There’s a large distance between them, and there’s a stark contrast in how much light is on Aziraphale’s side of the image (even the water on his side sparkles more) compared to Crowley. You have the same effect with the brightness of the elevator vs the darkness of the car. As an added bonus in the Job mini-sode, Aziraphale’s shadow covers Crowley, which again goes with a lot of the thoughts people have had about Aziraphale making this choice to go to Heaven to protect Crowley.

So what I’m saying is that I’m not completely on board that Aziraphale might Fall, but the scenarios are similar enough to my brain that it’s a distinct possibility. 

good morning my lovely!!!✨

gosh, this is such good meta!!! i have to admit - my audio processing is utter shite; i can pick up a leitmotif after a couple of watches, but otherwise unless i listen to the music in isolation, i won't pick up what particular song might be playing in a scene etc... so the fact that you even picked up similarities between Fallen Angel and the two big ones is insane to me!!! im rubbish at it!!!

i have to be honest with you on this too... when i wrote that post, i didn't even really look in any depth at the narrative comparison between job and the final fifteen - it just simply struck me that we've had a blatant reference to aziraphale falling (even if it was only by his own fear) that, as far as we know, hasn't been reckoned with again in the rest of s2 (im still 👀 at the BOL mention in ep6 but that's by-the-by)

so basically the fact that you've gone through it to pick up these similarities is so cool; thank you for doing it and sending it to me, because its a heck of a lot to think about!!! now i don't think aziraphale is going to fall in the sense that we'll actually see him fall, become a demon, and that's that etc - i think more the threat of it, potentially to the point of being physically/figuratively (who knows how the fall itself actually works, but im not taking crowley's work for nuffink) pushed, and some kind of incident that prevents aziraphale from actually completing the fall.

ultimately, we haven't actually - imo - seen anywhere where crowley has singlehandedly saved aziraphale directly when aziraphale absolutely needed saving (ie there was no way aziraphale could have saved himself), and i wonder if this might be such an occasion where we see that happen...?✨

[enzymedevice]

So I recently finished watching The Crow: Stairway to Heaven (1998), the 22-episode TV series based on the film The Crow (1994) and the comic of the same name. I’ve seen a few posts here and there about it being weird, but since even a lot of those have come from people who haven’t actually seen it who're going off hearsay, I haven’t seen any definitive list of the weird things that are in it. There are many weird things in it and here they are. Suffice to say there are spoilers in here so don’t read it if you live in a world where people could really actually care about spoilers for The Crow: Stairway to Heaven.

I’m going to assume that anyone who doesn’t follow me who’s interacting with this post has seen the film, but just in case (because I know 90% of my followers are here for Naruto), uh, musician Eric Draven is resurrected by a magical crow to exact bloody vengeance upon the people who murdered him and his fiancé Shelly Webster. Daryl Albrecht is the cop assigned to their murder case. Sarah Mohr is a young teenage girl who is also there, and her mother Darla is a drug addict who is romantically involved with one of the murderers. Murderers aside, I think that’s the reasonable dramatis personae.

The first episode is just a retelling of the 1994 film but with all the swear words and most of the gore taken out. Also Eric sings a song and it sucks. Those who watch this show will be hearing that song so very much.

The most important thing to know about this show right off the bat is that it is a police procedural and killing is wrong.

Eric roundhouses a guy for smoking a cigarette.

Good people get resurrected by crows; evil people get resurrected by cute albino pythons.

Eric cannot enter a room without dropping from the ceiling or jumping in the window. I love him but because he’s a cool martial arts guy he cannot use a door.

He also has a lot of casual conversations while exercising shirtless.

At one point he is lying on the floor and gets up to greet someone by doing a handstand.

At another point I’m pretty sure he snaps a man's fucking neck with his thighs? Not to death but like, to pain, certainly.

Dragula plays in episode 4. Episode 1 contains the song Powertrip by Monster Magnet, which isn’t particularly significant, but they’re my favourite band so I noticed.

Episode 5 is the circus episode. Pretty much every episode is a themed episode that most shows only get round to over the course of like 8 seasons? Episode 10 concerns daredevil car racing.

There's a part where the police are searching for Eric and a witness has described a man who's "Asian or Hispanic" and Albrecht's face lights up so quick like "Woah! I know an Asian or Hispanic man!" and that’s how he knows it’s Eric.

Sarah is a lead in this show and she and Eric kinda form the fun tag team for banter. She waves her hand in front of his face and looks at him funny when he’s having a traumatic flashback. Their dialogue is my favourite. Here are some examples:

SARAH: How many [pull-ups] did you do?

ERIC: I stopped counting at 200.

SARAH: That’s not normal.

SARAH: You need to get out more.

ERIC: But I don’t wanna get out more!

SARAH [ABOUT ERIC]: The man doesn’t eat. The man doesn’t sleep. He only sits around thinking about his dead girlfriend.

ERIC: I’m getting these weird feelings…

SARAH: I hate to break it to you, but all your feelings are weird.

Reincarnation is also a thing separately from the resurrection. Eric and Shelly have met each other in every single one of their previous lives, during which they have always been played by the same actors.

Several random characters are also shown to be able to commune with the dead, including a child who lives in a cage.

Eric talks someone down from a suicide.

Eric talks someone down from doing a revenge killing.

There’s a recurring character who’s a hacker called Nytmare.

Shelly becomes corporeal twice, once by possessing someone and once by angelic powers or something I’m not sure I didn’t listen. Oh yeah Shelly's also a lead in this show, waiting in the afterlife and sometimes being homoerotic with deceased women Eric chastely assists.

One episode features the Russian mob.

There’s a character called the Skull Cowboy. Now, the Skull Cowboy is in the original comic, but unlike the original comic he is regrettably not a skull nor demonstrably a cowboy, save for his cool jacket. He’s great though, shoutout to my man the Skull Cowboy.

Eric beats up a fire-eater with a fire extinguisher.

In one episode Eric's convinced he's gonna die so he puts on a white t-shirt and blue jeans. That’s mildly amusing because he’s a goth but I mostly bring it up because this was the episode I truly became aware of how sculpted his pecs are.

In episode 9, Eric is hypnotised by a man (recurring character) who believes John Lennon's consciousness is alive on the internet and he mentally regresses to one of his past lives, when he was an Indigenous American man. I have no further comment on this episode other than the fact that They Do A Mysterious Ritual and there are slurs.

Episode 20 establishes Eric as a Vietnamese orphan adopted during the war. That’s the secret brother episode (Eric's secret brother is played by Corey Feldman).

One further comment on episode 9, actually - Eric makes a gay joke in it which I can add to my Eric/Albrecht ship manifesto.

Eric opens a portal to hell.

From hell emerges a man with electricity superpowers who kidnaps a bunch of people.

Eric jumps off a high balcony and spins round and round to defeat the electricity guy.

He also does a front flip off some stairs while casually maintaining a conversation, as touched upon earlier.

There's a multi-episode courtroom drama storyline wherein Eric is on trial for Shelly's murder.

Oh yeah people just straight-up know he’s alive. He works as a bouncer in the bar his band used to play at. Darla works at the police station and attends Alcoholics Anonymous but then struggles with relapse as a whole storyline.

Albrecht gets a new partner whose struggles with PTSD are a whole storyline. Albrecht's also in the most complicated on-again off-again relationship with a District Attorney of all time. This one bullet point is him covered - he otherwise doesn’t have a lot going on aside from that one time he gets kidnapped and taken to an island and Eric has to save him in a comedically tiny boat.

Eric's murder trial is very funny to me: firstly, it’s a clip show, 12 episodes into the season. Secondly, a lot of the defence is resting on how the prosecution is discriminating against Eric for being a goth. A quotation from Eric's attorney: "He’s not on trial for being different, he’s on trial for murder!"

Eric's described as "different" a lot. He also describes himself as such when prompted, such as in this exchange:

WHOEVER SAID THIS LINE: Why do you look like that?

ERIC: Because I’m different.

Anyway the trial gets really boring but Eric has a cute ponytail and just looks soooo dapper in his little suit; I want to make him a nice sandwich for his packed lunch and pat him on the head as I send him on his way.

He’s pronounced guilty and then in the next episode immediately pronounced innocent. Spoilers.

There is a time loop episode during which Eric is forced to say the words "pretty please with sugar on top."

There is a plot to resurrect Rasputin. Rasputin's corpse is burned in a fire and his ghost appears superimposed upon the air.

Eric does a backflip towards the Rasputin corpse fire.

This is in hell. The guy resurrecting Rasputin needs to open specifically Eric's hell portal from the electricity superpowers episode.

In a completely different fire, Eric burns a valuable Russian manuscript which is entrusted to him.

Eric makes Albrecht hold some seaweed. I dunno, it made me laugh.

There is a secret organisation who have members in very significant positions in society and they have figured out how to separate a person's soul from their body and transplant it into a different body. One of them inspects Eric's abs for what felt to me like an extremely long time.

There’s a woman resurrected by a different crow and she cries black goo so I really hope Eric can cry black goo as well and that’s just a canonical thing about the undead.

In episode 18, the background music is diegetic but only for Eric, and it turns him evil.

Episode 18 prominently features Canadian rock band Econoline Crush, who perform two songs from their 1997 album The Devil You Know, including All That You Are, the song they sued Nickelback for ripping off to make the 2003 single Figured You Out. Eric is determined to win against them in the battle of the bands.

The rest of the series cameos a veritable smorgasbord of Canadian rock bands, but I didn’t recognise any of their songs by name and nobody says the names of the other bands out loud as many times as they said Econoline Crush so I guess they weren’t paid as much.

Female Crow - her name is Talon - has cool eye makeup that I like a lot. I don’t know what else to say about her that doesn’t sound misogynistic on my part, because the writers writing her are misogynistic.

There’s an episode where pretty much all Eric does is walk through the forest and hallucinate a dance sequence from one of his past lives.

The Crow in this series' continuity is Eric's alter, kind of. It has a separate soul, as evidenced by the fact that it remains in his body when his soul is put into the computer by the secret organisation's evil scientists who are pretending to be Shelly.

I guess I’ve been a bit rude referring to what it does as what Eric's doing this whole time but there’s no clear delineation between the two personality-wise and I could not tell you which moments are supposed to be the alter because I did not know it was a thing until episode 21 of 22, sorry.

Also the Crow makeup just manifests on Eric's face supernaturally. Sometimes it just turns round and has done a transformation sequence.

So the secret organisation kidnap the crow (the magical bird) and use its blood to do a ritual on Eric's grave and resurrect the Crow (the alter) in a separate body from Eric's so that it can fight him.

Eric is offered "steaming hot wieners." He nibbles one with care.

The Crow draws on a wall in blood, just like my favourite moment in the original comic (sadly not the Cat in the Hat though. That would have truly made this whole thing worth it).

A guy has transferred his consciousness into the body of his personal trainer, played by Michael Weatherly, who after 13 seasons of NCIS I didn’t enjoy looking at.

When the two bodies indirectly touch through Shelly's corporeal form, they merge into one in a golden fizzle of regeneration energy.

There's more after that but it ends on a cliffhanger.

[vintage-tech]

educational post: But how do I clean records?

If you don’t plan to clean any 33.3s or 45s or 78s, and bless you if you have any 17s, you might as well skip this. The rest of you, follow me down this rabbit hole...

First, I feel the need to put in a disclaimer: I’m by no means an expert, and people who clean records regularly have strong opinions about what to do, how to do it, and with what to do it. I’m just going to tell you what I do and use, and say “this is what I do and use” rather than “here’s the best way and best stuff.” I haven’t destroyed anything of my own so far so you take care to not destroy anything of your own. Okay? Let’s get into it.

Have you heard about using glue? Yeah, my best friend (who has 100x more records than me) pointed out the viral videos showing people smoothing Elmer’s School Glue or Titebond II wood glue over the vinyl without touching the label, letting it dry, then peeling it off the record to take up dirt like it was a Bioré blackhead remover strip. He was asking my thoughts, not advocating, and I admit I learned how to clean vinyl from him years ago so was flattered he asked me this. Answer: I haven’t tried this and am wary. I think I might apply some to a 45rpm kids’ story record that I don’t really care about to see the results, but anyhow, I wanted to head that question off by saying that I can’t recommend it because, well, TikTok solutions to anything aren’t always wise.

So what’s the deal with fluids? Can I wash my records? Liquids will help get the dirt off, yes, but it’s been pointed out that you shouldn’t just run them under the tap in the sink because there are minerals in the water, and the water used in the professional solutions is purified or distilled to take the minerals out. The only time I run a record under the faucet is when there’s literally can-leave-fingerprints dust or gotta-soften-this-to-remove mildew on the vinyl. So yes, I do it infrequently. The pros will say to use record cleaning solution, most of which are based on pure water and/or isopropyl alcohol, with the irony being that pros will also say not to use isopropyl alcohol because it can damage the protective layer on the vinyl. *shrug* I use 70% isopropyl on a cleaning cloth, I’m a heathen. Echoing the pros, also don’t use window cleaner, bleach, or vinegar.

So what should I use to wipe the dust off my records? Here, have a photograph of some items I have laying around... and my opinions:

From left to right, and I thrifted all of these things except the Casabella cloth, which was a Christmas table offering at The Container Store once:

Microfiber LCD cleaning cloth - This is a gift from the deity.

Velvet roller (with its original water-based cleaning fluid) - There’s a slot on the bottom [top] side for squeezing in some fluid. I’m not a fan of this because the fluid doesn’t absorb in, the roller sometimes rolls and sometimes doesn’t, and it doesn’t seem like it actually does anything. I blame RadioShack. But these were all the rage in the 1970s.

Microfiber LCD cleaning wand - I haven’t used this yet but I presume it’s about as good as the cloth, just less flexible. There’s a fiber brush that pushes out the (left-side) end for even more dusting goodness.

Velvet brush - The go-to for record guys for decades. For good reason.

You’ll notice there’s no mention of toilet paper or kitchen paper towels. Just don’t, since they’re based on wood pulp. It’s your choice whether you think cotton or other soft cloths will work, but I go with microfiber because it’s fine enough to get into the grooves of a record and dislodge/hang onto dust.

How do I wipe this record clean? I’ve seen record store dudes just hang onto it with one hand and wipe in a circle around the record with the other, but I think that’s just to dust it off when putting it on/taking it off the turntable and not actually cleaning it. What I was shown and what I do is to put the record on the turntable, get the thing spinning without the needle down, and then use the cloth/brush on the left side of the record (thus the opposite side from where the needle is), and let the turntable do the work. Personally, I put a splash of alcohol on my microfiber cloth, fold the wet spot down the middle, then put that edge down on the vinyl. Some say move slowly from outside to inside to go with the grooves, some say to move slowly from inside to outside to better nudge dust out; I’ve always done it from inside out and if the record looked a bit dusty before I started I then do it again from outside in. My experience is that the outer grooves -- the first song -- are more prone to hang onto dirt or get scratches and skip within the first 30 seconds of playing the record, so I give the first inch of the outer edge a bonus wipe. Like I said, everyone’s got their style and opinions on how to wipe down a record, and this one is mine.

Then I give the record a look from a lower angle while it’s spinning to see if there are any particularly messy areas that need spot cleaning, which is definitely an issue if there’s mildew or waterspots or extra-dusty spaces. Stop the record, turn it by hand to bring that space closer, and wipe that space using a damp cloth going with the grooves. None of this is going to fix a scratch, and I have heard some really scary ways of addressing those, but it’s possible that if the record is clean you’ll get only a pop when played rather than a skip.

It still sounds grubby when I play it, is there any hope? If a second attempt at cleaning doesn’t fix it, your options are limited. Learn from my mistakes and DO NOT put a quarter on the tone arm so it presses harder and in theory resists dust and skips. A lot of my albums from my childhood sound like sandpaper from doing that. The record player guys say the needle is just supposed to gently ride the record, with the tone arm balanced to not add weight or loft off the record. It is possible that trying a different record player might give a different result (yes, I did discover one record that skips on the first track on my Aiwa no matter what does play through on my ION USB turntable, but the sound quality is not the same).

Any other words of wisdom? Sometimes you have to accept that you can’t fix everything and must hunt down the CD or p1r4t3 the track from YouTube or P2Ps, or just live with the imperfections. No shame there if it’s an old or used record; vinyl is kinda fragile and the skip or pop you’re hearing can be totally invisible when you look for the source. And I encourage you to look at other sources online for how to clean a record, just for other ideas since I’m only telling you what I do and have heard. Also, a care and feeding thing: Those thin paper sleeves that a record comes in and gets slid inside the pretty cover? Yes, they’re your friends, since bare tracks against bare cardboard can wear down the record and there’s no protection against dust.

[unsuspectingfish]

I really need you all to know that the narratives of “we’re locking things up and/or shutting down these stores because of theft” are 100% exactly that, a narrative, and have been shown to be false for many of the companies claiming it. It’s a narrative that conveniently started during COVID, when people were complaining (and stores were losing money) because the shelves were always empty due to staff shortages and supply chain issues. If they admitted to these issues, and if they admit now that they’re still going on (which they are), then they’ll have to admit that COVID was and still is a bigger issue than they previously admitted, and that could potentially mean more shutdowns, more shortages, a lot less money, and even possible boycotts. It’s also very conveniently pushing more people to do online pick-up, which is something they’ve also been pushing since COVID started, because you don’t need to pay as many people to work doing that as you would if all those same people were coming into the store to shop. I can also guarantee that, as miserable as it is to shop at these places, right now, it’s twice as miserable to work at them.

All of this is just a really long way to say that nothing these companies are doing is for the good of the consumer. It’s all being done to line their pockets. If you can, stop supporting them. If you can’t, steal, especially if you’re a person with any kind of privilege, because I can also tell you that the security people likely won’t even notice you doing it. A lot of them haven’t locked up most of the actually expensive items or any of the food, so 🤷🏼‍♂️

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

One cup down, time for the second one and some writing. ☕️

ESPN

CINCINNATI – Buffalo Bills safety Damar Hamlin was taken off the field in an ambulance after receiving treatment on the field for over 10 minutes, which resulted in the game between the Buffalo Bills and- Cincinnati Bengals being suspended until further notice Monday night.

I have a lot of thoughts on this matter having been through it myself, at the age of 17.

Was it a tragic accident? Yes. Is it the end of the world for Mr. Hamlin? No, definitely not. Is it scary? Oh, yes, it most certainly is.

WillowTree

Today, Jan 4th, marks the official start of our next chapter as WillowTree, a TELUS International Company.

So, yeah, we are now a part of TELUS International.

What do I expect? Bigger engagements over the next year with bigger brands. I see it as a huge positive.

Realistically, only time will tell, but I’m feeling really good about it. 👍🏼

Tech Dirt

Near the end of 2022, Elon Musk issued an edict to the journalism community. Obey me, he said, or you will be banned from posting on Twitter.

I’ve been reducing my use of Twitter each and every day for a while. I’m down to checking it once or twice a day because there are folks there I haven’t found on Mastodon.

Mastodon has definitely become by new social network home. You can search me out using @fahrni@curmudgeon.cafe or go directly to curmudgeon.cafe/@fahrni. I’d love to connect on Mastodon. 😃

Slate

In the past year, there’s been a sharp uptick in anti-LGBTQ incidents around the country. One group estimates that there’s been a 12-fold increase in demonstrations and political violence targeted at the queer community, just since 2000.

Love is love. LGBTQ+ rights are HUMAN RIGHTS! Look, if on the basis of religious beliefs you don’t agree with LGBTQ+ folks, fine. But they’re human beings who deserve to be treated as you would anyone else. Yes, it’s that simple, and it is a choice.

Let’s put it in Christiany terms. WWJD? Do you think Jesus would’ve shown nothing but hate and contempt for the LGBTQ+ community? I think not. He would have shown them kindness, compassion, and above all else, love. ❤️

Goto 10

Another BASIC game I made back in the 80s was one that I actually designed with one of my younger sisters. She had expressed interest in all this “computer stuff” I was doing and wanted to know what it would take to make a game.

I’ve been following Paul’s site for a while and it’s a lot of fun. If, like me, you have a place in your heart for the BASIC programming language, subscribe to Goto 10 and enjoy.

NTDEV

It’s 2023, and Windows 11 is finally a mature operating system that most people would be happy to use. Sun Valley has finally arrived, and it’s all about a long overdue reinvestment in design under Panos Panay’s leadership. But is it enough? 
Let’s take a look.

TL;DR - Windows needs more work to bring everything up to a modern look and feel.

The author goes on to identify nine distinct UI styles, that’s right nine. Talk about technical debt.

From a code design perspective would it be better to go through all those UI frameworks and make them use WinUI 3 or would it be better to touch each individual application to update their UI?

I have been of the opinion you’d hit a wider range of apps if you updated the frameworks to use WinUI 3.

I’ve even written about it. I did get some great feedback that from that piece that basically said the design models are too different to make the Win32 API wrap Win3 UI. I can accept that. But, if it could be pulled off, an entire class of applications would look modern without their authors modifying them.

Perhaps a compromised approach would be to make some of the newer UI Frameworks use Win3 UI and rewrite the UI for old Win32 API apps? 🤔

NPR

When the employees announced they were unionizing, Microsoft vowed to remain neutral and let the employees make their own decision about joining, CWA said.

This sounds really great but the skeptic in me wonders how much Microsoft will allow this to happen in others areas of the organization?

Gaming is full of nightmarish stories of long hours and, even worse, abuse.

I’m hopeful this new union will address both of those and make for better work conditions. 👍🏼

Business Insider

While I’m always excited to see what innovations companies like Apple have in store, I have some serious concerns about betting on AR/VR glasses as a growth market.

For quite a while now I’ve had zero interest in AR/VR technologies. In my opinion AR could be useful in many industries as long as the tech is as easy to wear as a pair of glasses. I could see them being useful to mechanics, electricians, builders, and various trades I’m not thinking about. Otherwise they’re just expensive toys.

I thought Apple Watch Apps would flourish. They have for some developers but they’re mainly little views into data from your iPhone. That’s not bad, it’s just the way they are.

Hey, all I’d like to see is custom watch faces. That’s it. Then, perhaps, someone could create a watch face that looks like Dumbledore’s watch. Kim bought me the Fossil collectible one year for Christmas. 😃

[heartintact]

Her plan wasn’t thought out at all, but she was well aware that the probabilities anticipated a very annoyed Jordan as a result. That amused her. They hadn’t shown themselves bored or indifferent about her presence; she’d received nothing but unapologetic dislike from the first moment. But in the last couple of days, Marie had discovered there was a secret way to get under their skin, as quick and effective as the deadliest of venoms. She couldn’t understand why, but the concept of others gifting her with the attention they wouldn’t give her seemed to make them boil. She’d noticed it first when Jordan found out about her little practice session with Andre, and then began to put the clues together after their friends invited her over. At that moment, though, she assumed they just didn’t want her to introduce herself further into their life. However, after the stunt with the shots and watching as they all but claimed her as theirs for something as unpretentious as a drinking game, Marie was curious to see what would happen when she decided to mention how she’d been going around winning over the other party guests. “That’s literally the definition of a you problem. Maybe look it up in the dictionary,” she argued back, particularly proud of the childish reply because they’d just said she was pretty. And charming. Who cared if she didn’t behave like a competitive shark and thought she could make friends and be number one in the rankings at the same time? “D’you really think that?” Marie questioned, refusing to acknowledge that, deep down, she knew she'd drop the insulted act immediately if they gave her a chance. “They might’ve invited me because they knew I was your partner, but I’ve been the exception long before that. That’s the reason why I’m dancing with you, and not the other way around, Jordy.” She actually meant it, feeling especially certain as she tilted her head slightly and stood a little straighter, allowing them to take a good look at her frame.

There was a fluttery feeling in her stomach at the first taste of attention she got from them, lips parting softly at the compliment. Because of that, a moment passed before she snapped out of it, letting go of the heat those words had brought once Jordan bumped her shoulder on their path to get away from her. “I don’t think you wanna do that!” She had to hurry a bit to catch up, not reaching out and grabbing their hand even when it felt like the natural move to stop them. “Walking away from me, I mean. At least not yet.” There was an offer she had in mind, only encouraged by the idea of playing with their apparent jealousy a bit more. “I’ve been dying to dance all night,” she began. Not a surprise, coming from a ballerina. Unless she’d truly fucked up somehow and ended up with a medical order, there was no day she didn’t find a moment to blast some music and dance. Even in her intoxicated state, she could remember the details of a particularly infamous Christmas when she’d pulled a hamstring and ended up scowling at everyone who asked about her progress. Not that such a story would warm Jordan’s heart, assuming they even had one. “And I would’ve asked any of the others, but after the whole adagio theatrics, I figured I might as well check with you first, in case I need your permission.” She pouted then, like a proper beginner begging for instruction, “You still haven’t taught me the rules, so... what is it? You won’t dance with me, but I’m not allowed to do it with anybody else? Or you will do it, but only after I’ve danced with someone else, so you make sure to remind them that they’re not supposed to touch me?”

Jordan was the first to disappear into the party, though not until after they did a line with Andre in one of he bathrooms, both talking around the sore subject of Marie until he'd teased a little too hard and they'd gotten irritated. At the very least, he'd confirmed that he wasn't interested, just friendly cause she was friendly too. She was a lot of things, top of the list according to fucking everyone seemed to be sweet, but Jordan was unconvinced. They'd noticed that tenacity in her, that ambition, that fire. They wouldn't say it rivalled their own, but they weren't blind to it. Not after she'd met them where they'd demanded her to not once but twice, now. After a few more shots and conversations with other senior dancers, they'd gotten comfortable, the shift coming naturally as the alcohol began to give them a nice buzz. Catching sight of themselves passing by a mirror they'd felt a rush of confidence, enjoying the freedom of parties to feel comfortable in their skin, to flex slightly more delicate fingers adorned with the same silver rings and to feel their chest sitting perfectly against their button down, hiding and revealing just the right amount. Their hair was tucked behind one ear, the rest brushing against their jaw as they sauntered through the party, new eyes on them now. They'd ended up tucked into some corner, talking up a blonde they'd almost slept with once, before being interrupted. That unfinished business seemed to be desperate to remain that way though, because the second they heard Marie's voice — calling them Jordy, no less — they'd immediately clenched their jaw. Brows furrowed, an incredulous look shot in her direction with every intention to snap at her, but then Jordan took in the sight of her beaming at them and all that venom seemed to dissipate. The unorthodox and interrupting greeting was followed by... fuck, was she flirting with them?

Brows shot up curiously, knowing that her words were true but surprised she'd spoken them. She had to really be tipsy, which was all but confirmed as the blonde that Jordan was talking to scoffed and peeled away, leaving them to listen to her providing some deft analysis from the drunk freshman who doubled as the bane of their existence. There was a pang of jealousy that they did their best to suppress, was she trying to get every single fucking other person to like her? Scoffing, they tilted their head. "You spent the last fuckin' hour trying to find proof that me not being up your ass cause you're pretty and charming and you spend half your time adulating the people you need to be competing with is... what, a me problem?" Well, fuck, obviously it was. They swallowed, remembering the cup still in their hands before they downed it, putting it aside as they entered her personal space, eyes sparkling with something wolfish now. "No shit, Moreau, but do you see any other fucking freshman at this party?" They gestured around, eyes not breaking from hers. "You're the exception for a reason... cause you're dancing with me. Do you really need me to like you that badly?" It was Jordan's turn to give in to impulse, gaze trailing down, remembering with a flash those lips parting so her tongue could lick salt off their hand. Their hand seemed to buzz a little at the scene of the crime. That gaze travelled down further, taking in the thin material of her top. "Outfit's working for you too... y'know." With that they slipped past her, bumping her shoulder though their mind seemed to buzz with many, many ideas of things they shouldn't have even remotely been considering.

[romanceyourdemons]

LOVE when monster movies find clever ways to put off or avoid showing the monster even as the monster’s presence looms over the story. HATE when they just heavily rely on pov shots to get around showing it. LOVE when that absence or non-visibility is apparent to the characters as well, and forms a key thematic thread in the story. HATE when we are denied the Monster Experience of the characters just because the director didn’t want to deal with too-complex creature effects

[redrobin-detective]

Half of

Danny Fenton was half ghost. Or something.

No one was quite sure what that meant exactly or if it was even true. A ghost in a pure white suit had announced it during an attack on the town until he was beaten and silenced by Phantom. It’s been three days since then and the nerd hasn’t been at school. Not that Dash was looking for him or anything.

Dash worried, for just a second, that something bad happened to him. The Guys in White creeps had been asking questions around school the last few days. There’d been a noticeable lack in ghost attacks around town, maybe another ghost got to him? What about his ghost obsessed parents? Surely they wouldn’t have done anything to their own kid...

“Think Danny will be in school today?” Kwan whispered nervously, leaning in close to Dash’s side. Talking too loudly about the elephant, or ghost he guesses, in the room got people very forcefully interviewed by the government. 

“Why the hell would I know?” Dash grumbled, shaking his friend off to shove his hands deep into the pockets of his letterman jacket. “No one knows what’s going on, Manson and Foley haven’t shown up either.”

“I hope they’re ok,” Kwan said quietly, looking down at the floor. 

“Why do you care?” Dash grumbled, harsher than he meant to.

“You and everyone ditched me for Danny when Paulina was dating him, remember? Sam and Tucker were real pals and Danny, well he’s weird but not really that bad.” Kwan said bitterly before his eyebrows twisted in confusion. “That was actually pretty out of character for Paulina to date him now that I think about it, maybe he was, like, using ghost magic to control her?”

“That’s stu-” Dash was interrupted by the usually noise of Casper High going dead silent. He and Kwan shrugged at each other. He saw Star down the hallway, staring at something. He caught her eye and mouthed What is it at her. Her eyes slid back over to the hall before mouthing Fenton back. 

“Shit,” Dash couldn’t help but mutter under his breath, “Fenton’s here.” He glanced over at Kwan, trying to hide his nervousness. “Guess we’ll find out if he’s some sort of ghost freak after all.”

Kwan eyed him for a second, “you know if Danny really is half of a ghost then maybe you’ll want to quit it with the names.” The warning bell rang for first period. “You guys have homeroom together with Lancer, right? Just, I don’t know, don’t make him mad or anything.”

“Man, don’t even joke,” Dash said with a strained smile. “It’s Fenton, what’s the nerd gonna do?”

XxX

Fenton always sat in the back right of the class so seeing him there wasn’t that strange. What was strange was that he was there before the bell rang, not looking sweaty or exhausted or beaten up. Seeing him sitting there with an almost bored expression, casually leaning one arm over the back of his chair. It was eerie, seeing Fenton try to act normal. Dash felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on his head as he stiffly walked by the nerd he usually smacked when he walked by. He thought he felt Fenton’s icy eyes following him as he passed. Dash made sure he didn’t scurry like a wimp to his seat but it was a close thing.

“Class, please stop staring at Mr. Fenton and let us begin,” Lancer sighed, unsuccessfully trying to start the class.

“Do you know the ghost boy?” Paulina asked, slamming her palms on her desk and ignoring their teacher. “Because if you’ve been holding out on me-”

“I mean everyone in Amity Park knows him,” Fenton shrugged. He’d been so chill this morning, like the whole thing wasn’t bothering him. It only made Dash more antsy. He bounced his leg under the desk.

“Can you do anything cool? Like fly or shoot lasers from your eyes?” Mikey asked, leaning forward with curiosity.

“I can do lots of cool things,” Fenton sniffed. “I know a lot about the space program and local astronomy. I draw sometimes and I’m think I’m pretty good. I also have super flexible joints so I can do this.” He grinned a little as everyone squealed when he bent his thumb back so far it nearly touched his wrist. “Of course,” his grin turned into an eye roll, “no one really cares about that only my supposed superpowers.”

“What is a half of, exactly? What that ghost called you?” Dash found himself asking. He almost didn’t want to be heard but Fenton turned to look at him anyways. 

“What do you think it means?” Fenton questioned back. Though he had a teasing smirk, his eyes looked dull and dead. Dash couldn’t look at them and ducked his head. 

“Alright, alright, enough with the questions. The Fenton’s gave Danny a clean bill of health and allowed him to rejoin class so that’s all you kids need to know. Now, back to what we were actually talking about.” Class continued as expected but everyone still snuck glances at Fenton. He’s not sure what they were all waiting for, him to suddenly turn green or sprout horn or whatever. But Fenton just sat there, still as anything, trying to act normal and it just didn’t fit him right and it was all just. Wrong.

XxX

Dash was relieved Fenton wasn’t in his second or third period classes but they did have the same lunchtime. For the first time since he was skinny, bucktoothed 6th grader, Dash wanted to hide away and eat his lunch in private. But Fenton wasn’t the only one trying to keep up appearances.

“Alright, what has everyone got,” Paulina was whispering to the table by the time Dash was sitting down. “The day is halfway over, someone had to have seen him doing something ghostly.”

“I mean we don’t know how long he’s been like this,” Star commented, flipping her hair as pretense to sneak a glance at the loser trio near the back entrance of the cafeteria. “He could’ve been hiding his for a while.”

“Fenton’s always been weird,” Dale commented with a sneer, stabbing at his beefaroni. “Since day one, he’s been jumpy and clumsy and goes through weird mood swings.”

“Maybe he’s never been normal,” Kwan said with a little frown. Now Dash knows this wasn’t true. He was the only one at the table who’d gone to the same middle school as Fenton. The nerd had talked too much about space and was always tripping over something but he’d been like all the other annoying brats in middle school. Dale was onto something, Fenton had changed once high school hit which means whatever is up with him as been going on for a while. Years. 

He suddenly felt eyes on him, a cold, crawling feeling that made his breath catch in his throat. Dash squeezed his eyes shut and breathed a silent sigh of relief as the eyes turned from him. They didn’t return but Dash found he couldn’t eat after that.

XxX

“Dude, did you hear about Fenton?” Victor said in an excited but still hushed whisper as Dash was leaving fifth period. 

“No, what did he do?” Dash asked with dread.

“He had gym last period and apparently he’s been faking his loser weakness. He crawled up the rope climb like a goddamned spider monkey and then slid himself back down. Don’t know how he didn’t have intense rope burn from that. He also beat Charlie, Katie and Veronica on the sprinting portion. Must be those ghosty genes.”

“Fenton did all that?” Dash asked, he bit the inside of his cheek. Hard.

“Yeah it was crazy, I thought Tetslaf was gonna pass out,” Victor laughed. “Maybe we should get him to try out for the football team, he’d be a great running back or-”

“Come on, Vic,” Dash laughed but the sound came out wrong. “Why would we want Fenton on our team? He’s, he’s Fenton! Just a skinny, weird little wimp.” Vic side-eyed him a bit before clapping Dash on the back.

“World’s changing, Dash. First ghosts, now half ghosts, it’s all wrong but you just gotta roll with it. All I know is I have 2 years left in this hell hole before I leave this miserable place for Chicago and never look back. I recommend you do the same, after all,” Vic grinned again but it was sharper. “Fenton’s always been your personal punching bag, not every day you learn your victim has superpowers.”

“We don’t know what the hell is up with Fenton,” Dash defended. Vic just shrugged.

“Yeah but he’s always been a freak now we know he ain’t human. Who knows what else he’s hiding?” Vic said with a smug smile before wandering off, giving a halfhearted wave over his shoulder as he left.

Dash stood in the hallway, trying to get himself under control until the warning and late bell rang. Only then, when he was certain he wouldn’t run into Fenton, did he head to class. 

XxX

“Should we follow him, see where he goes?” Paulina said, biting onto one of her nails in nervous excitement. Paulie was gorgeous and overall pretty cool but her thing with ghosts sometimes tired Dash out. Now more than ever. 

“Come on, that’s like stalking,” Kwan scolded. “Even if that wasn’t illegal or whatever it’s just not cool. They had a rough day today, leave ‘em alone.” That icy chill returned and Dash looked out of the corner of his eye to see Fenton and his cronies walking out of the school. 

Truthfully, Dash didn’t think Fenton had that bad of a day. Yeah people were asking questions but he’d side stepped them all, gave non-answers. Other people talked about Fenton’s supposed strength in gym but there’d been conflicting reports, some said he flew up the rope climb, others said he levitated doing his push ups. Dash really didn’t know what to believe. Fenton was just acting, well, like Fenton. He paused for a second, stopped walking before catching up with the group.

Maybe... maybe Dash was getting caught up over nothing. There really was no proof Fenton was this ‘half of’ other than what one dumb ghost said. He thought back to Fenton’s grin during first period; stupid nerd was probably milking his 15 minutes of fame and bully free time. His earlier fear and uncertainty burst into flames until a familiar anger was burning in his gut. Now this he knew what to do with.

“Yeah, well his day is about to get rougher,” Dash heard himself say as he stomped off to where Fenton was smiling tiredly at something Manson was saying. “Hey Fentonio! Think you’re pretty cool with every paying attention to you but I-”

Fenton gasped suddenly, like a hiccup only his breath misted out in front of him cold as a winter’s day. Dash stopped midsentence watching as Fenton’s whole face twisted. His earlier weary but tolerant annoyance that he’d been projecting all day was stripped away. He glared at Dash with an expression that was hard as ice and full of an exhaustion and bitterness he couldn’t begin to understand.

“As payment for being forcibly outed,” Fenton spoke up loudly enough that most of the school yard could hear him. “I was promised a week.” His eyes slowly but methodically scanned the crowd who had frozen in place at his authoritative tone. “Where I didn’t have to deal with ghosts, so I want to know... Who is trespassing on my haunt.”

Fenton’s mouth opened impossibly wide revealing what seemed like rows of sharped teeth. He curled his fingers into claws and, looking closer, his fingernails had indeed become real claws, as sharp and deadly as his teeth. His eyes blazed an impossible, ectoplasmic green and his dark hair developed streaks of white. He was terrifying, monstrous, but he was still Fenton. That feeling that had been eating at dash all day came back full force. Not the realization that Fenton had powers or whatever but that he had been hiding it in plain sight through ghost attacks and bullies and failing grades. This had always been Fenton, they just hadn’t seen. Until now that is.

And now the script had flipped and Dash didn’t know how this Ghost Fenton, who still was the same Fenton Dash had wedgied last Wednesday, fit. A green blob ghost materialized over by stairs, quivering and wailing in some ghost language. It turned and fled, presumably in the direction of the Fenton Portal to escape Fenton’s wrath. Fenton’s glowing eyes tracked it for a moment before he straightened up from his hunched posture and... was human again.

He brushed his hands through his black hair, lazily blinked blue eyes and, when he smiled, his teeth were normal. But Dash had seen, they all had. He’d let them see but to what end, he had no idea. Fenton turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow and another small smirk, just as tired as earlier.

“Sorry about that Dash, I take my vacation time very seriously. You were saying?” Fenton said with a smug lilt but his eyes were still dead and there was a bit of fear in them now. Despite his powers, he still gripped his backpack tightly.

“When your dumb little vacation’s up, Fentionail,” Dash said with a shaky voice. “It’s-it’s back to business, okay? Punches and wedgies and locker shoving. You,” he voice cracked a bit and he fought it down. “It’ll ramp up now that I know you can take it.” Fenton blinked, once then twice before he smiled. This time it wasn’t annoyed or scary or fearful but like the dumb grins he usually gave his dumb friends. 

“Yeah okay, we’ll start back up next week. The usual time?” Dash nodded, not knowing what else to say. “Alright, see you around.” He turned to walk away before pausing and turning back. “Actually you should be careful on who you shove into lockers, it can get hard to breathe in there and not everyone can phase out of them. You never know who’ll turn up dead,” he grinned and his eyes flashed green again, “if only half.”

That said, he and his friends walked away, ignoring the stares of the entire school on them. “Oh and it’s halfa, not half of,” Fenton called out over his shoulder. “I’m not half of anything, I’m just a whole me even if the details get a bit complicated.”

“Bye Danny, see you tomorrow,” Kwan called after with a grimace. No one else said anything for a minute until Dash found the strength to move his legs from where they’d been planted. He clenched his fists to hide his shaking and continued his walk home. Everyone else slowly did the same, talking quietly among themselves.

“What the hell was that?” Dale asked in a nervous high pitched voice. “What the hell did I just see?”

“Fenton being a weirdo but that’s nothing new,” Dash shrugged with a confidence he didn’t have yet. But if Fenton could show up to school after being outed and then willingly show them his inhumanity, then Dash needed to up his game. Couldn’t let the nerd be cool or anything. “So what if he glows or whatever, he’s still Fenton. Look I gotta get home, it’s Pookie’s feeding time and he is NOT going to believe the day I had.

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Athena

So. I have to deal with the virgin goddesses… By mythos, there really shouldn't ever be children of Artemis, Hestia, or Athena (yes, Athena was a virgin goddess). PJ got past that by making it canon that Annabeth and her siblings were born from cracking open Athena's skull (yes, that's also more or less the canon explanation). They gloss over it real quick but I remember, Rick. I've always remembered and that mental image has haunted me for years...

I can't, in good conscience, ignore the history around Athena's worship (call it an academic restraint) but I REFUSE to do the skull thing. So, since I make the rules here, I'm going with magic adoption. They still get magic powers, they're just more human than demigod. Cool? Cool.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena

Lucifer

The human that popped out of the portal seemed to have enough sense not to attack everyone in the room for a change, but even Lucifer could tell that was more of a strategic choice than for lack of ability...

Their very existence was highly unusual… and quite worrisome. He wasn't even aware Athena could have "children" of her own, but apparently she had been taking in some particularly bright humans to raise and train like her own...

Unbeknownst to him, a surprising amount of human scholars, diplomats, and generals have her to thank for their trade… and that alone should speak to the level of intrigue at play here. 

Was this an accident or Athena's attempt to plant an Olympian spy in the Devildom too…? Either way, he didn't trust them from the get go…

Look, Lucifer isn’t stupid. Athena is a goddess of Wisdom and War and war happens on more than just the battlefield… 

Since they've shown up records have been going missing, official documents keep getting misplaced, and he swears that there's some kind of bug in the student council room...!

It's infuriating watching the MC suck up to Diavolo when he's almost certain that they're running their own agenda behind the scenes! And he can't prove any of it!! They cover their tracks too well!

Lucifer has one of those corkboards covered in newspapers and string in a secret wing of the Castle - 100% dedicated to just tracking the MC's activities…. The longer they're there, the more obsessed he becomes...

He swears between Simeon, Solomon, and MC he feels like a shepherd wondering why the sheep are growling… The Devildom has never been in more danger than it is right now... Send help.

Mammon

To be honest, he kind of thought that they were just going to be Satan 2.0 but that's not really true.

They're more than just a book sponge! Though they do read, like a lot. Let’s just say from one schemer to another… Game recognizes Game.

They come up with plans and ideas soooo fast, it’s insane! Honestly, there are times where he has a new money-making plot and he just brings it to the MC first to run it over. 

Nine times out of ten, not only do they sniff out any problems but they have a solution for him in a matter of minutes! His scheme game has been on point since they’ve shown up!!

They’re also even better tutoring than Satan is, so he’s even managed to get a couple A’s for the first time in his life! Lucifer actually told him he was proud (which he secretly recorded and now uses as a ringtone much to his brother’s regret...)

So yeah, he likes them... buuut that doesn’t keep him from thinking they act a little weird sometimes... 

Mammon: *points to a unused tower close to the RAD building* Over there is the Tower of Sorrow. We use it for storage.

MC: Ah. Interesting… *starts writing in a notebook, muttering* It may need a few minor tweaks but the location is defensible...

Mammon: *stops* Ya say somethin’?

MC: *looks back up* Nope! Say, you’ve been to the Castle a lot haven’t you? Do you know any good ways in?

Mammon: Uhm… Why do ya want to know that…? *starts looking around for Lucifer*

MC: In case of emergencies. I like being prepared. 🙂

Mammon: Look, I don’t know what Lucifer might’a told ya…

MC: I’ll pay you a thousand Grimm for it.

Mammon: Well shit, ya want those maps with or without color?

... Yeeeah, that’s pretty weird… But it’s probably fine. I mean, as long as they keep giving him money, who’s he to complain? 🤷‍♀️

Leviathan

Also thought that they’d be a lot more like Satan but was pleasantly surprised that they were into more than books.

What else did they like exactly? Military strategy!!

It’s been a looong time since he’s been able to talk to someone who’s actually interested in all the battles he’s fought, both in the Celestial Realm and the Devildom, and their curiosity is kind of flattering...! Not a lot of people take his strategic prowess all that seriously anymore...

Plus, they are the BEST partner to have any turn-based strategy game. Hands down. He once got stuck on a level of D-COM for weeks until the MC walked in and mopped the floor with the AI!! They have a serious head for probability and tactics.

The House once made the mistake of letting these two be on the same team during a Hell Game and they absolutely demolished the competition. Mammon didn’t even get a single shot off before half his team was lost to a rigged paint grenade… It took a whole day to clean up… 

However, Levi’s also noticed some odd things about the human… He likes that they’re interested in his past but maybe they’re a little… too interested?

Levi: -and that’s how we defeated the Four Horsemen before they escaped from Purgatory. 

MC: Wow, Levi that’s seriously impressive!! *furiously scribbling on a notebook*

Levi: Well t-thanks… 😅 But, uhm... are you writing that down…?

MC: Hm? Oh no, just doodling. *they lift up the notebook to show a bunch of cute little sketches on the page… and not the magic-based invisible ink all over them…*

Levi: Oh you draw too? Can you do fanart???

MC: Eh, sometimes. But say Levi, can you tell me about your naval ranks again? I’m still really curious… *gets the pen ready again with a smile*

Satan

Oh, it's been a long game of cat-and-mouse between these two… and unfortunately, it’s been pretty addicting too.

He honestly had every intention of tricking the human into making a huge mess do he could bother Lucifer, but at every turn they proved just a hair too clever for him...

He once gave them a cursed book to “lend” to Lucifer, but they saw through it the moment they touched it and lifted the spell before handing it over.

He rigged a podium to spray glitter during one of Lucifer's speeches but the MC disconnected the trigger mic before he even got on stage. It was pretty dang frustrating...

At one point he got so desperate that, just as a test, he tried to trap them in the House's Music Room. Fortunately for them, it only took a few minutes to work out an escape. They even passed by him in the hallway with a wink!

It's confounding! It's infuriating!! 

...and it's so damn sexy... He should be furious but he’s just in awe!!

Add on that they know their art, literature, and multiple different crafts thanks to the tutelage of their adopted mother and that’s it. He’s finished. This boy is in love.

Truthfully though, a part of him is 90% sure that they’re also gathering state secrets… Like, they’re watching Barbs and Diavolo far too close for comfort - but he just can't bring himself to care. 🤷‍♀️

The MC could walk into his room one day and say, "Hey, do you want to help overthrow the monarchy with me?" and he dreads it because deep down he knows that he wouldn’t say no…

Take some notes, kids. Some bad influences get you to drink or do drugs. Others pull you into a centuries long conspiracy to destabilize and topple rival realms from within… But he has fallen for their brain hard. Devil help them all…

Asmodeus 

They’re pretty clever, he’ll give them that, but uh… Are they a little off to anybody else?

Asmo is a charmer by birthright so he has a bit of nose for when someone’s just a liiittttle too nice… Not much of a nose mind you, because he can be thrown off by compliments himself, but enough to think that the MC might be a little too… “kind” for their own good...

First off, who wants to spend that much time with Levi?? They don’t even seem that interested in anime! They just keeping asking him for old war stories…

Then all the sucking up they do to Diavolo and Barbatos? Look, he gets it. Diavolo is a delicious piece of man-hunk and his butler could give him a lesson or two in sweet-talk (and he has), but they seem to be just a little too… nosy.

Of course, Asmo’s suspicions disappear pretty quickly after they start to spoil him with spa nights and beauty secrets they picked up from “casual research” into the subject.

And you know, get a little Demonus in Asmo and start massaging his back? Oh, sweetie he’ll sing like a bird!! … with gossip. Singing with gossip.

Asmo: So I’ve heard that Lucifer has been spending more time at RAD than usual… His whole club is talking about it, they think he’s meeting with some witch!

MC: Hm, is that so? *works on a knot near his shoulder blades* What do you think?

Asmo: Ooh~! Right there, MC! *purrs and lays his head on his arms* Well come on, this is Lucifer we’re talking about! I’m sure he’s just working.

Asmo: Hmm... though come to think of it, I think I heard him asking Barbatos for the spare keys to the Tower of Sorrow…

MC: Oh really? Huh. *works out the knot and gets up* I just remembered that I left some papers with Satan... I’ll be right back.

Asmo: You’re going already??

MC: *waves him off quickly* I’ll be right back, Asmo. *hurries out the door to do totally on-the-up-and-up things… surely*

Beelzebub 

Honestly he doesn't like this one… But not for the reasons you'd expect.

He agrees with everyone else that they seem a little shady, but Solomon and Simeon are too so it's not like that's anything new... 🤷‍♀️

No, no. He dislikes them because they're the person who FINALLY figured out how to keep him from eating all the food in the kitchen!!

Turns out that the trick was to put a teleportation charm on the fridge door that would send all the food away if it’s opened after a certain time of night… 

And where does it go? The Purgatory Hall fridge. And where does the Purgatory Hall food go…? The HoL fridge…

It doesn’t sound so bad until you remember that it means half of their fridge is now Solomon’s leftovers…. 🤢

After they put the same kind of spell on the pantry, it was all over… He couldn't get midnight snacks from the House anymore… Everything was contaminated by Solomon…

The MC is a nice enough person, he doesn’t have a lot of complaints about them, but he wants them to leave. Now. This is inexcusable… He’s so hungry… and he doesn’t want to die by “goulash” or whatever Solomon calls his latest culinary catastrophe… He’s still too young for death… 😓

Belphegor 

In a way, he absolutely could not have asked for a better person to help him get out of that attic.

… In another way, he got one of the worst possible people to try and kill... Like. They saw through his scheme sooo fast…

How was he supposed to know that the human had training in body language and sniffing out lies???

Getting the door open was a piece of cake for them. They knew enough magic to undo the seals and just rummaged around Lucifer's stuff long enough to find the key to the door. He could not have found a more competent individual for a break out, really.

It’s just… well he didn’t expect to go from locked in a room like a prisoner to tied up in enchanted rope, still like a prisoner but now mobile. 😑 

They even used his own hug ruse against him! They caught his wrists when they got close and tied him up before he could shake them off...

Admittedly, it wasn't exactly the best look for them either - what with walking Belphegor downstairs to the others like a one-man-prison-caravan but they're as silver-tongued as they are sly so they talked their way out of it beautifully… 

And like hell was he going to trust them after that!! And not even Beel liked them so something had to be up...

Well, you want a detective? Look no farther than Belphie (no seriously, it’s in the canon). He can put things together pretty fast when he puts his mind to it and watching the MC for a while gave him enough proof to work off of...

He always knew that, humans were bad news and the MC just proved it to him all over again. They are bad news, bad bad news and they’re going to-!

Overthrow… Diavolo…? Is that what he is getting from them…? Huh…

Wait a second, MC. You might just have him interested… 😏

[swbumblebee]

What if Qui-Gon Jinn was not particularly special in his post-mortem abilities?

AKA “Old Ben” and his many Force parents.

They had all watched, their collective Force aura swamped in sadness, grief and longing, as Qui-Gon finally introduced himself to Obi-Wan.

They’d never call him ‘Old Ben’. The fact that he was only 40 years old notwithstanding, this was the boy they’d raised, grown up with, idolised. They remembered him toddling about the gardens, fascinated by the brightly coloured flowers; Getting shy around pretty people and developing awkward crushes. They remembered him standing alone at the head of an army, quietly confident and immeasurably capable. They had vivid memories of him carrying them back to the creche, so steady and strong; of his measured wisdom, and the confidence that Obi-Wan Kenobi would always triumph.

They remembered the mullet.

Nobody named “Old Ben” ever had a mullet.

The man they now, as they always had really, looked to for a light when everything else went dark.

They didn’t catch the murmured words. They were Jedi after all, (even if they were now technically one big Jedi rather than a temple full of Jedi) and eavesdropping was rude. Nobody listened to the sulky mutterings of the presence that was Quinlan Vos.

Their boy was nodding, sitting quietly on the floor whilst he finally, finally after weeks of careful and gentle persuasion, of them all keeping a tight rein on the order’s maverick (“Do not, we repeat do not, come out of the water tank. You’ll give him a cardiac arrest or something”) believed in the presence he saw before him.

They watched once more, pleased, as their missing piece allowed himself to be bullied to his feet, and guided over to the pile of blankets he called a bed.

They could feel Qui-Gon’s bitter relief as he perched next to his former student, his longing to pull the blankets up around his boy and smooth back his hair.

But words were all they had.

Still, as Obi-Wan Kenobi had shown the Galaxy; you could do a lot with words.

---

They’d argued (as much as an incorporeal fusion of spirits could argue) at length over who got to go next.

“I knew him longest, he’ll trust me!”

“He needs someone calm, measured. I will go”

“No offence Master Plo but you’ll make him cry. He needs cheering up, I’ll go!”

“Vos so help me Force-“

“I was the Master of the Order, I should do it”

“Master, we’re dead. I’m not sure seniority applies.”

In the end it was narrowed down to two options; Bant Erin, Obi-Wan’s oldest friend. Sweet natured and kind, she would be the perfect choice.

And Mace Windu.

It turns out seniority does still apply beyond the grave.

---

A small part of Obi-Wan’s subconscious was telling him that it was starting to get a bit awkward.

The transparent blue form of Mace Windu was looking down at him, the welcoming smile quickly turning into a grimace.

“…Obi-Wan?”

No. no no no this was not happening. He didn’t have time to go round the bend he had a child to protect!

He wasn’t sure if it was reasonable to measure sanity on the volume of dead loved ones he was hallucinating, but somehow one seemed saner than two.

Though it turns out he’s insane, and so not a good barometer of these things.

He knew his stare was starting to get very unnerving as his hysterical inner-ramblings reached a fever pitch.

“…Obi-Wan, are you alright?” Imaginary Mace Windu asked, concern and a tiny bit of nervousness showing on his face.

“I’m fine, how are you?” Obi-Wan asked, remembering a solid piece of advice from his formative years; Always fall back upon good manners when in unfamiliar territory Padawan mine.

Well, this was about as unfamiliar as it got.

Imaginary Mace looked at him, utterly baffled for a moment.

“Well…I’m dead, I suppose, is how I am” he answered awkwardly.

“Right. Obviously.” Obi-Wan nodded politely. “My condolences”

There was another awkward silence.

Imaginary Mace tilted his head for a moment, listening for something.

“Well…here I am” he said, spreading his arms a little.

“…yes.”

The other Jedi frowned at Obi-Wan’s strained reply and his act of scrubbing his hands down his face as if to wipe away the image in front of him.

“Qui-Gon didn’t…didn’t mention we were coming?” he asked tentatively.

Obi-Wan shook his head, wordlessly.

The frown on Imaginary Mace turned into a complete scowl as the pieces seemed to fall into place.

“JINN” he bellowed, and Obi-Wan felt it echo in the Force like nothing before.

“He can’t hear you, he’s with Yoda”

Another figure popped into existence next to Mace, and Obi-Wan rubbed his eyes once again as Depa Billaba bowed to him.

“Obi-Wan” she greeted with a grin.

“…hi” He took a deep breath, mentally cursing his absent-minded Master.

“Are you alright?” Depa didn’t stop for a reply as she looked down with him and gestured at him, gently instructing him to get up from the floor. “Oh look you’ve scraped your knee there! Master I knew you’d startle him!” she scolded her former Master.

It felt like he was having an out of body experience as Depa ushered him into a chair (the only chair in the hut), Mace looking on anxiously.

“There we go” Depa soothed as she got him settled “I wish we could make you some tea my friend.” She said disappointedly.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

“You ah…you can’t?” he asked, something permeating the haze. Of this whole situation, that seemed by far the most unfair thing.

Mace smiled encouragingly, seemingly happier to be on more binary ground.

“I’m afraid not, we are beings of the Force, like your Master.” He explained, before scowling again. “Who, I would kill if he weren’t already dead,” he growled.

“I’m so sorry Obi-Wan” Depa said, dismayed “We all wanted to come and be with you, but we though Qui-Gon might be best to start with, so as not to overwhelm you”

“Sorry about that” Mace said apologetically.

They sat in silence a moment, Depa and Mace watching him process.

For the first time ever, Obi-Wan had exactly zero thoughts in his head.

He was starting to feel the pressure.

“All?” he tried.

Depa and Mace looked at each other.

“You ah…you said ‘all wanted to come’” he clarified.

Depa nodded happily.

“Yes yes, we’re all there Obi-Wan” she smiled at him

“Any Jedi slain by a Sith, or the machinations of the Sith, is there” Mace explained.

Obi-Wan was having the slightest bit of trouble taking deep breaths. Neither of his companions seemed to have noticed.

“Where?” he asked, only mildly aware that his voice was getting just a little pitchy.

“In the Force, we’re all one in the Force” Depa started again, and then paused a little lost for words.

“We’re all together and we kind of…share our presences” Mace picked up, with difficulty “Everyone who was killed by Palpatine’s evil, everyone from us right down to the littlest initiate, we share one consciousness in the Force.”

Obi-Wan was none the wiser.

Mace waved a hand frustratedly.

“Sorry, Plo explains it better”

“Plo?” Obi-Wan loved Master Plo. He loved all of them. And they were gone.

“Hello Obi-Wan”

“Well, if Plo and Depa get to see him I’m bloody well here too!”

“Hi Obi”

“Obes!”

He could only watch, speechless, as the faces of old friends, comrades, mentors and carers crammed into his hut, all looking at him with unadulterated, unfiltered pleasure and love was the last thing he saw before his scrambled brain decided it’d had enough, and he knew nothing but darkness.

---

It turns out, living with the forms of all your dead teachers, carers and friends was actually rather trying, after a while.

“Oh thank goodness you’re not still drinking that awful caff”

“I like caff – Master Plo please don’t try and lift that”

“Relax Obi dear, we’re incorporeal”

“Can still see things though”

“Vos get out of my fresher!”

“What does this do?”

“Never you mind. No don’t – Ugh. Why don’t some nice, well behaved padawans ever come to see me?”

“They’re not allowed, only those who knew you personally can visit. We thought it might get a bit stressful otherwise.”

“…I can’t imagine.”

Aside from having to adapt his busy routine to accommodate half a dozen fidgety and curious…ghosts (?) poking around his small hut at any one time, another unexpected addition to his (attempted) isolation on Tatooine was the nagging. And Force could they nag! The concentrated worry of many, many, beings with nowhere else to direct their extra energies was powerful.

“Obi-Wan you haven’t drank enough today. Go and check the vaporators”

“Padawan aren’t you going to eat?”

“Listen, that plie of cloth can’t be good for your spine”

“Force! Get some sun block Kenobi or you’re going to look like an old shoe in three months”

“No right, I saw a sunhat he can buy at the market”

It was…weird. He’d always been very self-sufficient, not to mention being the centre of everyone’s attention was difficult, to say the least. But as the months went on, he found himself transitioning from awkward acquiescence to see-sawing between mulishness and good-natured obedience. The stubbornness rising usually when the despair did. But those days were few and far between.

And now, when they did occur (for one can only avoid one’s demons for so long) and he felt like he was drowning in the weight of existence, he could rely on his friends for encouragement, care, and the motivation to carry on.

“If you join us before your time I will KILL you Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now kriffing well eat something!”

---

Of course, when their brother, friend, son, comrade, teacher and last hope did at last join them, there was no nagging or disappointment (or violence). The ultimate Jedi was back in the fold and they were once again complete.