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bratz-kitten · 4 years

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random thoughts on the moon signs

moon in pisces is literally my favorite placement ever. something about these people makes me feel safe. as a capricorn moon, i repress my emotions constantly and i’m deadly afraid of showing vulnerability, but pisces moons give off this vibe of constantly being consumed by their emotions – and it’s fascinating. you make me feel like it’s okay to express my deeply emotional side; even better, you encourage it. you’re the type of people who i love crying with while eating ice cream, even cuddling with. your empathy and passion for your interests is your biggest strength.

moon in aquarius reminds me of that shrek quote of him being an onion – you guys have layers upon layers upon layers. my brother is an aquarius moon and sometimes i feel like i’m the only person who knows how emotional he really is. you hate showing this part of yourself – it’s hidden safely from prying hands; you racionalize your emotions, repress them, attempt to conceal them; but ultimately, your deeply compassionate and intuitive nature will be shown – even if only to the very few you trust. your dreams are your biggest strength.

i have never met a cancer moon without raging mommy issues yet who was deeply attached to their mother. you always share this very close bond and she’s very present in your life – yet its so obviously this very toxic dynamic. you guys get this fame for being the only ones with ‘stable’ emotions because your moon is exalted but you’re like.. not. your emotions aren’t stable; much on the contrary, and even if you’re very emotional, you don’t particularly like showing it. most of the cancer moons i’ve known are iffy about expressing their feelings. you joke a lot about your trauma, though, and so you give people the impression of knowing you when really, they don’t know the half of it.

moon in sagittarius makes it feel like life is worth living. you dream so much and so high; you’re so open about your love for adventure and freedom, so optimistic and fun-loving – to the point where most people don’t understand how turbulent your emotions are underneath the façade. you give off the vibe of the funny friend who’s depressed and afraid to show it because you’re supposed to be the one who raises the spirits. doesn’t it hurt when you try opening up to others and they almost seem bothered by it because they prefer it when you’re just this bubble of fun? you need to learn to take that weight off your shoulders – stop trying to entertain others and realize that they’re the ones who need to entertain you. this is your show, baby. your resilience is your strength.

is it possible to be a capricorn moon without having strict parents and a terrible childhood in which you had to raise yourself? because i think it’s kind of a given. it’s so funny how literally everyone sees you as this cold, unemotional, strong person yet you probably cry everyday. a lot of problems with self-worth every time you’re in a bad place mentally, which is constantly. extremely calculating – you always do shit with a clear purpose in mind and it can come off like you’re using people for your own gains. your ability to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against you is your strength. i almost feel like you thrive on pain because that’s how you’ve learned to grow and adapt.

moon in aries people are so smart, and most of all, dedicated. you make me want to get my life together so bad – you’re the type of people to set a goal and go through with it no matter what. you’re always on to something, looking for opportunities and recognition. you see what you want and you go for it. you’re so easy to rile up and lose it, though, it’s so funny how you’re so bold and passionate yet so big of a crybaby (all aries placements are tbh).

moon in scorpio stop being so pessimistic pleathe i will kiss you in the lips just don’t lose your faith in humanity /yet/. trust is the most important thing in the world to you which is funny because you have raging trust issues. so sensitive but you cover that up with anger. you be looking like you wanna commit sporadic murder when on the inside you’re just so hurt. you’re so dependable, things might be in deep shit but as soon as you’re in the room i know we’ll find a way to fix it. if the l*ve of my life doesn’t end up being a scorpio moon i’ll be so pissed.

moon in leo YOU’RE SO INFURIATING PLEASE SHUT UP OR I’LL FUCK YOU??????? massive egos, you know you’re the shit and you won’t shut up about it. likes to start arguments just to rile everyone up and then laugh maniacally in the corner at the chaos they created. always have a wicked plan in mind and i’ll go along with it because you’re also stupidly endearing. the best friends, literally always there when you’re down and sosososo supportive. i’ve noticed that feeling insecure is quite possible the worst thing you can feel, it’ll start to take a toll on your physical health. your ability to be a fucking idiot but also a /pretty/ idiot is your biggest strength.

moon in virgo if you say “well actually, that’s not how that works” one more time i’ll throw hands. incredibly nit-picky and obsessive but also the types of people to have a pile of dirt on their room?? mom friend, WILL take care of her babies/friends. you always ruin the mood yet.. you’re so fun to be around? how does that even work? i could listen to you talk for hours. i don’t think you know what the concept of relaxation is. also pleathe stop with that need to fix others. the fact that you’re so focused on your goals and willing to do just about anything is your biggest strength (it’s also kinda scary).

my mom’s moon is in libra and ma’am can you please stop transferring your mommy issues onto me? i get it, you had a codependent relationship with her and she showed you she loved you while also constantly criticising you and treating you like an extension of herself. my bestie is a libra moon too and it’s also like that. just.. mommy issues and insecurities for days. a passion 4 fashion and people love to be around you. also, i can’t understand how you feel. like, you’ll cry a lot and love so hard yet when you break up with someone you’ll never spare a thought about them again? it’s almost like you can turn your feelings off. which is funny, because that’s supposed to be a capricorn moon thing but i’ve never met one who can stop caring, they just act like they’re heartless to protect themselves. either way, libra moons can switch from sweethearts to cold and aggressive in a literal second and it’s scary but also cool.

moon in gemini please don’t ever shut up you have so much to say, your interests are so fascinating and the way you talk with so much passion about literally anything makes my heart do the flippy thing. also so complicated, can you name one person in this world who fully knows and comprehends you? very secretive, people feel like they know you because you talk a lot and are very open about certain things but as soon as something actually serious happens you turn into allison dilaurentis real quick.

moon in taurus why are you so pretty? you’re so extra too, you always leave the house looking straight off the runaway. you’re literally so caring for your friends and overprotective too, possessive of even them. you prioritize comfort a lot, wether it be on your home or concerning yourself. you’re very good with people, i feel like you’re the ex that your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t ever shut up about because she misses you and wants you to be The one. you need to learn that change isn’t the enemy!! change is fundamental for personal growth. hold grudges for a crazy amount of time. very weird sense of humor, in an oddly endearing way. your mentality of “if they’ve hurt you, they’ve hurt me too” is your biggest strength.

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mlchaelwheeler · 2 years

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I do wonder why some people actually think the duffers intend for Mike and El to be endgame, even if they ship it and believe Mike is straight. I shipped them when I was younger, but I still always thought that the show would end with them not being together (after season 2 I started shipping byler and I was like ohh so that's Mike's endgame lol). Ships like Jancy and Jopper I always saw as being endgame, but not Mike and El. It was never going to be a fairytale where they end up together, I used to imagine the show ending with them going their separate ways, a little bit like the end of season 1. I also don’t see the duffers having El end up with her first boyfriend, and the first boy she really connected with. I know Finn and Millie said last year that El and Mike would never break up and that it’s like they’re married without the option of divorce, but that’s so unhealthy esp given how young they are and how toxic the relationship has gotten. I really don’t see the duffers doing that, this isn’t a fairytyle CW show lol and I just don’t think it’s really in character for them as writers tbh. In 2019 or 2020 I vaguely remember the duffers saying something along the lines of Mike having this idea of his ‘first first crush’ with El. Now that certainly doesn’t scream endgame to me, and they aren’t describing him as someone who's desperately in love with El lol.

Yah, the narrative has shown time and time again why Mike and El are toxic together and not meant to be endgame. They got into a relationship right after El discovered life outside the lab, and when they're together, they're worse versions of themselves. This should be an immediate red flag for any viewer. I was also a mi|even shipper in S1 (and kinda S2), but the minute I started S3 I immediately hated them together, simply bc they felt like completely different characters. I think that this was intentionally done by the writers to show how unhealthy their relationship had become. Paired to the constant comparison between mi|even and lumax in S3, it's clear that if mi|even was being written as a healthy relationship, it would've been much much different in the show. The writers could've easily achieved this by keeping the characters the same but perhaps having trouble balancing smaller issues, like how El is acclimating to society or how Mike deals with balancing his time between his friends and El. It's not like the party doesn't know El--they can all hang out together like Lucas and Max! In S3, it seems like Mike is constantly separating El from the rest of the group bc he has no idea how to be the "boyfriend" Mike he is when he's with El and the "normal" Mike he is when he's with his friends.

Atp in the show, if mi|even ends up being endgame, I think it will be very poor writing. There have been too many red flags brought up between them for it to be a coincidence. Furthermore, why have Will develop a crush on Mike if this isn't going to lead anywhere? It seems obvious that Will's story isn't going to end in rejection, after all the trauma he's already been put through. It only makes sense logically for Mike and Will to end up together from a narrative standpoint, bc otherwise both their arcs the past 2 seasons would've been for nothing. If that's the case, I would be beyond disappointed. I'd even be fine with byler not being endgame if the narrative supported mi|even's healthy development. But it doesn't! Atp, we've only been shown how healthy Mike and Will are together as opposed to Mike and El. It all has to mean something.

#byler is the only thing that makes narrative sense #i have faith in the writers!#byler #ask sarah #anon tag

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blackstarising · 3 years

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coming back to this post i made again to elaborate - especially as the ted lasso fandom is discussing sam/rebecca and fandom racism in general. there are takes that are important to make that i had failed to previously, but there's also a growing amount of takes that i have to, As A Black Person™, respectfully disagree with.

tl;dr for the essay below sam being infantilized and the sam/rebecca relationship are not the same issue and discussing the former one doesn't mean excusing the latter. and we've reached the glen of the Dark Forest where we sit down and talk about fandom racism.

i should have elaborated this in my last post about sam/rebecca, but i didn't. i'll say it now - i personally don't support sam and rebecca getting together for real. i believe what people are saying is entirely correct, even though sam is an adult legally, he and rebecca are, at the very least, two wildly different stages of life. for americans, he's at the equivalent of being a junior in college. there are things he hasn't gotten the chance to experience and there are areas he needs to grow in. when i was younger, i didn't understand the significance of these age gaps, i just thought it would be fine if it was legal, but as someone who is now a little older than sam in universe, i understand fully. we can't downplay this. whether or not you think sam works for rebecca or not, even despite the gender inversion of the Older Man Younger Woman trope, whether or not he is a legal adult, i don't think at this point in time, their relationship would work. i think it's an interesting narrative device, but i don't want to see it play out in reality.

that being said!

what's worrying me is that two discussions are being conflated here that shouldn't be. sam having agency and being a little more grown™ than he's perceived to be does not suddenly make his relationship with rebecca justified. i had decided to bring it up because sam was being brought into the spotlight again and i was starting to realizing that his infantilization was more common than i felt comfortable with.

sam's infantilization (and i will continue to call it that), is a microaggression. it's is in the range of microaggressions that i would categorize as 'fandom overcompensation'. we have a prominent character of color that exhibits traits that aren't stereotypical, and we don't want to appear racist or stereotypical, so we lean hard in the other direction. they're not aggressive, they're a Sweet Baby, they're not world weary, they're now a little naive. they're not cold and distant, they're so nice and sweet that there's no one that wouldn't want approach them, and yeah, on their face, these new traits are a departure and, on their face, they seem they look really good.

but at a certain point, it reaches an inflection point, and, like the aftertaste of a diet coke, that alleged sweetness veers into something a lot less sweet. it veers into a lack of agency for the character. it veers into an innocence that appears to indicate that the person can't even take care of themselves. it veers into a one-dimensional characterization that doesn't allow for any depth or negative emotion.

it's not kind anymore. it's not a nice departure from negative stereotypes. it's not compensating for anything.

it's patronizing.

it is important that we emphasize that characters of color are more than the toxic stereotypes we lay on them, yes, but we make a mistake in thinking that the solution is overcorrection. for one thing, people of color can usually tell. don't get it twisted, it's actually pretty obvious. for another, it just shifts from one dimension to another. people of color are still supposed to be Only One Character Trait while white people can contain multitudes. ted, who is pretty much as pollyanna as they come, can be at once innocent and naive and deep and troubled and funny and scared. jamie can be a prick and sexy and also lonely and also a victim of abuse. sam, however, even though he was bullied (by jamie, no less), is thousands of miles away from home, and has led a protest on his team, is usually just characterized as human sunshine with much less acknowledgement of any other traits beyond that.

and that's why i cringe when fandom calls sam a Sweet Baby Boy without any sense of irony. is that all we're taking away? after all this time? even for a comedy, sam has received a substantive of screen time over two whole seasons, and we've seen a range of emotions from him. so as a black person it's hurtful that it's boiled down to Sweet Baby Boy.

that's the problem. we need to subvert stereotypes, but more importantly, we need to understand that people of color are not props, or pieces of cardboard for their white counterparts. they are full and actualized and have agency in their own right and they can have other emotions than Angry and Mean or Sweet and Bubbly without any nuance between the two. i think the show actually does a relatively good job of giving sam depth (relatively, always room for improvement, mind you), especially holding it in tension with his youth, but the fandom, i worry, does not.

it's the same reason why finn from star wars started out as the next male protagonist in the sequel trilogy but by the third movie was just running around yelling for REY!! it's the same reason why when people make Phase 4 Is the Phase For Therapy gifsets for the mcu and show wanda maximoff, loki, and bucky barnes crying and being sad but purposefully exclude sam wilson who had an entire show to tell us how difficult his life is, because people find out if pee oh sees are also complex, they'll tell the church.

and the reason why i picked up on this very early on is because i am an organic, certified fresh, 100% homegrown, non-gmo, a little ashy, indigenous sub saharan African black person. the ghanaian tribes i'm descended from have told me so, my black ass parents have told me so, and the nurses at the hospital in [insert asian country here] that started freaking out about how curly my hair was as my mother was mid pushing me out told me so!

and this stuff has real life implications. listen: being patronized as a black person sucks. do you know how many times i was patted on the back for doing quite honestly, the bare minimum in school? do you know how many times i was told how 'well spoken' or 'eloquent' i was because i just happen to have a white accent or use three syllable words? do you know how many times i've been cooed over by white women who couldn't get over how sweet i was just because i wasn't confrontational or rude like they wrongly expected me to be?

that's why they're called microaggressions. it's not a cross on your lawn or having the n-word spat in your face, but it cuts you down little by little until you're completely drained.

so that's the nuance. that's the subversion. the overcompensation is not a good thing. and people of color (and i suspect, even white people) have picked up on, in general, the different ways fandom treats sam and dani and even nate. what all of these discussions are converging on is fandom racism, which is not the diet form of racism, but another place for racism to reveal itself. and yeah, it's uncomfortable. it can seem out of left field. you may want to defend yourself. you may want to explain it away. but let me tap the sign on the proverbial bus:

if you are a white person, or a person of color who is not part of that racial group, even, you do not get to decide what is not racist for someone. full stop. there are no exceptions. there is no exit clause for you. there is no 'but, actually-'. that right wasn't even yours to cede or waive.

(it's also important to note that people of color also have the right to disagree on whether something is racist, but that doesn't necessarily negate the racism - it just means there's more to discuss and they can still leave with different interpretations)

people don't just whip out accusations of racism like a blue eyes white dragon in a yu-gi-oh duel. it's not fun for us. it's not something we like to do to muzzle people we don't want to engage with. and we're not concerned with making someone feel bad or ashamed. we're exposing something painful that we have to live with and, even worse, process literally everything we experience through. we can't turn it off. we can't be 'less sensitive' or 'less nitpicky'. we are literally the primary resources, we are the proverbial wikipedia articles with 3,000 sources when it comes to racism. who else would know more than us?

what 2020 has shown us very clearly is that racism is systemic. it's not always a bunch of Evil White Men rubbing their hands together in a dark room wondering how they're going to use the 'n-word' today. it's systemic. it's the way you call that one neighborhood 'sketchy'. it's how you use 'ratchet' and 'ghetto' when describing something bad. it's how you implicitly the assume the intelligence of your friend of color. it's the way you turned up your nose and your friend's food and bullied them for it in middle school but go to restaurants run by white people who have 'uplifted' it with inauthentic ingredients. it's telling someone how Well Spoken and Eloquent they are even though you've both gone to the same schools and work at the same workplace. it's the way you look down at some people of color for having a different body type than you because they've been redlined to neighborhoods where certain foods and resources are inaccessible, and yet mock up the racial features that appeal to you either through makeup or plastic surgery.

it's how when a person of color behaves badly, they're irredeemable, but a white person performing the same act or something similar is 'having a bad day' or 'isn't normally like this' or 'has room to grow' and we can't 'wait for their redemption arc', and yes, i'm not going to cover it in detail in this post but yes this is very much about nate. other people have also brought up the nuances in his arc and compared them to other white characters so i won't do it here.

these behaviors and reactions aren't planned. they aren't orchestrated. they're quite literally unconscious because they've been lovingly baked into western society for centuries. you can't wake up and be rid of it. whether you intended it or not, it can still be racist.

and it's actually quite hurtful and unfair to imply that concerns about racism in the TL fandom are unfounded or lacking any depth or simply meant to be sensational because you simply don't agree with it. i wish it was different, but it doesn't work that way. i'm not raising this up to 'call out' or shame people, but i'm adding to this discussion because, through how we talk about sam, and even dani and nate, i'm yet again seeing a pattern that has shortchanged people of color and made them feel unwelcome in fandom for far too long.

coach beard said it best: we need to do better.

#ted lasso #sam obisanya #ted lasso spoilers #fandom racism

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chainofclovers · 3 years

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Ted Lasso 2x9 thoughts

It’s no secret that I absolutely adore Coach Beard; he’s one of my favorite characters on the show, and he’s so well-written and well-acted that somehow I tend to be both perfectly satisfied with the details we see and truly curious to understand more about the way he thinks, what’s really happening re: his professional and personal devotion to Ted, where he comes from and where he’s going. I don’t need to know his name beyond the name he wants to be called, but I want to know why we don’t have any other names for him. And I don’t need him to be a bigger focal point of every episode, but I very much needed this episode’s world-exploding reminder that every single character on this show has a rich inner life, full of joys and troubles.

“Beard After Hours” is like a movie, but one that scatters its climaxes and puts off its resolutions...because it’s not a movie. It’s episode nine of a twelve-episode season of TV. When the episode ended, I felt this almost frantic “But he needed to break up with Jane for good before the end of the episode!” feeling. I was so pulled in by the idea of being able to tell an entire story in one night, of going on an odyssey alongside a complicated hero, that watching Beard and Jane find each other in that club felt as intense as the fact that we don’t know if Ted responded to Rebecca’s voicemail and we don’t know what’s going to happen with Rebecca and Sam and we don’t know who isn’t getting married and who is having a funeral in 2x10 (I mean, I have my strong suspicions, but still!) and we don’t know if Richmond will be promoted back to the Premier League. And on and on. I didn’t mind feeling desperate for the story to resolve even though I understood after thinking about it for ten seconds that of course it couldn’t resolve yet. Or ever. Or yet.

I’m a big fan of the TL episode recaps/reviews Linda Holmes writes for NPR, and I have to quote something from this week’s directly because it so perfectly explains my feelings:

The power of the scene where Beard dances in the club isn't that it's a beautiful romantic climax. It's that it's an explanation of why he cannot seem to extricate himself from this bad relationship. What makes the worst relationships so dangerous is that they have elements that feel good that are very hard to get elsewhere. Beard knows that; he tells it to God. What's concerning isn't that Jane makes the world seem more interesting; what's concerning is she's the only thing that does. That doesn't take away from the joy of the dancing; it just tells you that even happiness is complicated.

I love Holmes’ perspective here so much, because it articulates something I was struggling to figure out: how it can feel so legitimate, like such a (temporary but nonetheless powerful) relief, for Beard to find Jane in that club and to have this moment of euphoria as his night nears an end. How it is possible to experience that relief on behalf of a character while fervently wishing it could end differently, because it’s so clear from the abusive text messages and the toxic calls and the manipulative interactions that Jane is terrible to him and they’re terrible for each other. But Beard knows this. He knows it when he hugs Higgins in the parking lot after Higgins is honest with him in a way Ted and Rebecca and Keeley have not learned how to be, and he knows it when part of his prayer includes the clear articulation that Jane isn’t the cure for what “ails me.” He’s inching closer to greater self-knowledge just as Ted is.

And the two big resolutions that really, really needed to happen did. I didn’t know I needed Paul, Baz, and Jeremy to get to wrap up their own night out on the pitch at Nelson Road, but I did. It brought actual tears to my eyes. And the other resolution was Beard showing up with the other coaches’ coffees for their meeting to watch the game film. As interesting as it would have been to see what Ted would have done if Beard hadn’t shown up, I’m so, so glad that he did. He’s got a messed-up face and some truly epic pants on, but otherwise this is just Beard showing up for work, showing up for his friends. It was incredible to realize that Beard and Ted haven’t been exaggerating when they’ve referred to his sex-and-drug proclivities in the past. The night documented in 2x9 might have been particularly scary and violent and euphoric and awful and meaningful, but this type of all-night adventure isn’t a foreign concept for this guy. In all the other episodes of this show, when we see Beard we’re seeing someone who might have been out all night, who might have spent the hours the sun was down desperately pushing himself closer to whatever edges he could find.

I don’t really want to touch upon all the allusions in this episode. They are abundant, they are well-documented, and also I haven’t even seen the movie After Hours. I enjoyed this episode for its allusive qualities and I enjoyed this episode for what it was and I feel like I have to be at peace with the fact that I’m never going to pick up on every single reference on this show and that is okay.

So, yeah, if this entry on my tumblr dot com blog seems remarkably devoid of references and allusions, it’s not because I’m not into it but because I find it too overwhelming to actually write about.

Very into the Misplaced and Discovered box at the Crown and Anchor. (That’s what Mae wrote on the Lost and Found box at the pub, right? Whatever it is, it’s so funny.)

Beard hallucinating Thierry Henry and Gary Lineker was truly upsetting and a great indicator not only of how broken things are between the Richmond coaching staff right now but also how deep Beard’s self-loathing might go. If you’d asked me before Thursday if I thought Beard loathed himself, I would say no. That deepening of knowledge alone makes 2x9 worth it.

James Tartt and his friends in the alley. Such a nightmare. I go back and forth on how much of the night was real, and part of me has decided all of it is, short of the images of Henry and Lineker. (And even that is real to the extent that it was a way of articulating what was in Beard’s head.) But watching Beard in physical danger brought on by the same abuser who had him so upset in the first place. It was a lot.

I’m so excited that Paul and Jeremy and Baz got some spotlight this episode. It was so wonderful to see them out of the pub. I love that they ended up telling the Oxford snots who they really were. They got to see Beard going to bat for them and smoothing over the situation socially, and that actually made it more possible for them to end up being truthful about themselves. Because they have nothing to be ashamed of, and they deserved the magic of that night. (And for it to end on Nelson Road. Every feeling. Oof.)

I feel like I barely have anything to say about the trouser-mending lady or the many places Beard goes or his key-dropping or the nightmarish feeling of wanting to be home and being unable to be home. It all happened and we all watched it and again, it was a lot. But I do feel incredibly moved and fascinated by the fact that Beard very obviously still hasn’t been home when he brings in the coffee. He’s had to sleep at the club for Jane- and key-related reasons in the past, and this time it’s not that he’s slept there but it still feels like a kind of homecoming he was robbed of for the entire night. Ted and Roy and Nate are there. He’s gotten their coffee orders correct. Ted is growing and evolving (he wants to learn from what’s happened, he’s insisting upon it even when the others resist) but he’s done a really perfect (almost romantic in its loveliness) thing by presumably spending his evening following a breakdown of his own speeding up the game film to 10x speed and adding Benny Hill. Ted is not OK and Beard is not OK and Nate is not OK and Roy is pretty OK but could very easily be not OK because he’s just joined a coaching staff with a whole lot of not OK. But they all showed up.

I am very into the realism of the lights being off in the club other than the coaches’ office (@talldecafcappuccino pointed this out!), and the way we’re seeing their desks from a different angle because this episode is unfocused on Ted. It really added to the mindset of being hungover and exhausted and unable to go home or even to know exactly what home should be; even this warm, familiar place feels off even as it’s a relief to be back there.

I am excited to return to our regularly scheduled programming with the full cast of characters, but I really adored this episode for what it taught us about Beard and what it illuminated about the humor, pain, and complexity of each person who inhabits this universe. Beard may not be loud about his long-standing beliefs or about the things he’s learned, but there’s a lot happening in there and I appreciated getting to spend 43 minutes with him and (in the case of the ticket he scrawls on a piece of paper so the pub guys can get into Nelson Road) the moments he sets in motion.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #ted lasso 2x9 #meta by me #a lesbian watches ted lasso #coach beard

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twinklebitch · 3 years

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i hate that dsmp has breached containment thanks to constant twitter trends, so now some people on tumblr think we’re all supporters of horridly racist trump supporters when, if you actually look into any of it, that is… blatantly not true at all.

in reality we’re fans of regular people who play minecraft and are, shockingly, human like the rest of us. human enough in fact that they make mistakes sometimes. and the nature of the parasocial relationships you find cultivated on twitter means those mistakes are often perceived as incredibly personal and malicious slights that get scrutinized, miscommunicated about, spread like a game of telephone, and overall blown up.

i don’t think people understand that parasocial relationships aren’t just toxic positivity. there’s also toxic negativity. you can scream about how “they’re not your friend so you don’t have to feel bad about calling them out.” till the cows come home, but don’t pretend there’s not another side to it. the side that is “they’re not your friend and you don’t know them, but they are a person, and you have no idea what a mass attack campaign is doing to them behind the scenes.”

the reality of it is a 17 year old boy was trending negatively for 2 days straight and it affected his mental health so badly that he had to leave twitter and get a therapist. and when he did a stream to explain what was happening, he got trended even more.

and i hate having to pull my fucking minority card to get people to listen to me on these topics, but if that’s what i have to do then fine. as a black person, calling someone a white supremacist for a racially insensitive twitter comment is supremely unhelpful to any black people you’re claiming you’re trying to support, considering there are actually white supremacists on the platform actively tweeting racist bullshit and getting away with it. pretending that the fandom is full of a bunch of white kids who just want to ignore a racist cc is actively ignoring all of the fans of color working to make the fandom safer for each other. most of the time, when a cc does something wrong, we aren’t trying to cancel them, but hold them accountable - not in the often seen twitter version of holding someone accountable, where you actually just yell a bunch and think that will do something - but genuinely. and 9 times out of 10 it gets co opted by white saviors who turn it into what i said above, and no one gets to learn anything of substance. and then i guess those leftovers get regurgitated on tumblr.

so seeing random white kids on tumblr reblog dream “call out” posts that’s just a google doc with a bunch of out of context screenshots (and some that are just faked entirely. whoever faked a screenshot of him saying the n word, fuck you entirely) and misinformation and then don’t bother to look into more than that? y’all make me fucking exhausted. i’m not asking you to like the guy or any other cc on the dsmp. i don’t give a shit what you enjoy. but you don’t have to justify your dislike of them by calling them racist and the ignoring and fans of color that tell you otherwise. he’s by no means perfect, but he and the other ccs on the server have shown time and time again that they want to be called out anytime they say/do something offensive so they can learn and better themselves. so many of them are donating everything they make from streaming this month to the trevor project! (and that was somehow twisted to be wrong and performative?)

you can dislike something without having to find a reason to justify it. so leave the fucking black fans you’re lumping with so called “racist supporters” out of it.

white people don’t clown in the notes

#dream smp #mcyt #discourse #racism #dreamwastaken #im actually so tired like i never thought i’d be a fan that gets into arguments over this shot #tho this is technically a post and not a twitter argument #but like regardless here i am #i just want to watch these motherfuckers play minecraft! god! y’all make everything a fucking battle

112 notes · View notes

my-happy-little-bean · 3 years

Text

The Rainbow Manor

pairing: platonic DLAMP words: 5138 warnings: swearing, references to homophobia, toxic/homophobic parents, brief description of a small injury, blood, brief descriptions of panic/anxiety attacks, crying, angst

a/n - hello friends! hope everyone is doing well! i was lucky enough to be commissioned by the lovely @youronelesbianfriend to write this story (side note, their commissions are open too so...whatcha still doin here, go and do that!). i was overjoyed when i saw the prompt she gave me, and had such a good time writing it! (also inspired me to maybe formally advertise commissions? you can peek at my tumblr every now and then to see if i do, but if you also want one you can DM me!)

so without further ado, here is some content ✨

read on ao3!

—

The Rainbow Manor is a lot of things.

It’s a home for the biggest family that could exist. It’s a safe haven from the cold, stormy outdoors. It’s the kind of blanket made of the same velvet the night sky is made of; it’s quiet, it’s warm, and it’s filled with stars. All it takes is one step inside and you would find yourself filled with a sense of belonging, of hope.

You could run the furthest distance away from it all, and the Rainbow Manor would always open its doors to you.

Patton would know. He was the first one to try.

~*~

“Okay, so here’s what happened,” Roman Prince said, looking down at his clipboard as he weaved him and Patton through the halls. “I was going to show the new people around myself, but then I forgot the paperwork in your office — and then I realized, ‘hey, what better person to show them around than The Man himself!’; capital T, capital M!”

Patton half-heartedly smiled as he snuck a peek at Roman’s papers.

“How many are there?”

“Three, so it won’t be too bad. One of them’s Virgil — you remember Virgil, right?”

“Right.” Patton smiled fondly, remembering Roman’s birthday party last year. Him and Virgil had shown up covered in cake. He never really saw Virgil after that day, but clearly him and Roman stayed acquainted against all odds.

They turned a corner into the break room where three people sat around a table. Roman clapped his hands.

“Alrighty! Sorry for the wait.”

All three of them stood up. The one in the black and purple hoodie—the one Patton recognized as Virgil—rolled his eyes.

“Waiting is part of the contract with you, Princey.”

Roman faux-gasped. “Hey, that was one time! And if I didn’t take too long that day, we would have taken the wrong cake!”

“We did take the wrong cake, Roman. That’s why it exploded.”

“...Oh yeah.” Roman grinned. “Forgot about that.”

Virgil shook his head, but showed a hint of a smile. Patton took a step forward to extend his hand out to him.

“Nice to see you again, Virgil!” He then addressed the two behind him. “And if we’re talking cake, I guess you both can call me Patton-cake!”

The one wearing a black, short-sleeve button up frowned, adjusting their thin blue tie.

“I read on the website that your name is Patton Morgan.”

“It’s like patty-cake, but Patton-cake!”

“...Right.”

“Ignore my friend’s simply lively commentary.” The last person stepped forward. They wore a pale-yellow button up under a grey vest. “That’s Logan. Do not be astounded by how that pencil is both sharp and dull — he’s always like that.”

“And that’s Janus,” Logan seethed, crossing his arms. “They’re always like that.”

Patton chuckled. “Well it’s nice to meet you both. I’ll show you guys around?”

They all nodded, following Patton as he led them out the door. The icy awkwardness of first encounters fortunately thawed as conversation quickly blossomed. Patton learned that Logan was the new volunteer manager and was close friends with Janus, who was joining the growing team of counsellors. Virgil, on the other hand, was the newly-appointed social media and communications coordinator; a position Roman used to double as alongside being head of recreation and programming, until he overdid it with the website graphics and crashed the site for two days. Sometimes, change was necessary, Patton learned.

“So that’s pretty much the whole place!” Patton said brightly at the end of the tour, stopping outside his office. He handed them their job description packages. “I hope you all get situated soon! And if you ever need anything, you now know where my office is!” He motioned to the door with jazz-hands. “Here!”

“Thank you, Patton,” Logan hummed. He looked around idly. “I must say, I am rather impressed by how well-established and organized the facility is, especially for one that is fairly new.”

“Well call me corny, ‘cause all I can say is ‘aw shucks’!” Patton beamed. “You know, if you told me almost a year ago that I’d be standing here today, I think I’d be impressed too!” He nudged at Roman. “But I obviously didn’t do any of it alone. It’s the people that really make this place home — people like Roman, who’s been with me since the very beginning!”

“Oh, Patton! You make me sound like the hero of this place.” Roman pretended to flip his hair. “So thank you!”

“A humble hero,” Virgil retorted. Roman just stuck out his tongue at him.

“But in all seriousness, Patton’s downplaying his efforts to the floor!” Roman wrapped an arm around Patton’s waist and pulled him in close. He waved out in front of him. “He’s a true phoenix who rose from the ashes and built this place with his own two hands!” Roman then spun Patton away from him, a trail of giggles following suit. “Plus he does a bunch of other stuff too! He has, like, a gazillion side-gigs, he sometimes volunteers at an animal shelter…”

“It sounds like you may also be interested in a day off,” Janus piped up.

“It’s really not that much!” Patton awkwardly shuffled where he stood. “I...I like staying busy.”

Janus tilted their head at him. “Right.”

Patton shot them a quick smile before diving back into the end of their paperwork. Then the three of them, along with Roman, said their goodbyes and scattered to their respective offices.

Patton leaned against his office door with a wry smile. They all seemed like nice people, he thought. He was lucky to have them.

(Roman’s words from weeks ago echoed in his head; the same words that were said to him the night of his first breakdown, when they first called.

“You need all the help you can get, Pat.”)

And he needed all the help he could get.

~*~

A few days later, Patton found himself leaning against the front of his desk, outstretching his hand towards the teen in front of him.

“Jonah, your feelings are valid, no matter what they are.”

The words slid off Patton’s tongue almost effortlessly. Jonah sniffled.

“I know, Pat. And– and I’ve already made a lot of friends here that have told me that. It’s been so good for me here, but…” Jonah buried their face in their hands. “Every night before I go to sleep, I can’t stop thinking about what they told me before they kicked me out. It’s like I get tunnel vision. I can see the person I have grown to be on the other side, but all I’m doing is going backwards.”

Jonah looked up at Patton with teary eyes. “And I don’t wanna go back, Patton. I...I don’t want to go back.”

Patton felt a chill run through his spine. Quiet echoes buried themselves in the back of his mind.

“I understand that it’s difficult to feel like you’re moving forward when it feels like the most important people in your life are pushing you back. And it...it sucks. I’m so sorry.” Patton swallowed down the temptation to cave as he continued. “I...I think all we can do is remember that those important forces in your life aren’t what’s given to you, but are what’s found. And I feel like you’ve done a lot of searching — for now, try and let yourself be found.”

Jonah broke into a small smile. Before Patton knew it, the teen stumbled forward into an embrace, holding Patton tight and crying. Patton’s hands hovered in the air behind their back, unsure of what to do. Eventually, Patton came to his senses and hugged them back.

“I’m thankful I found this place,” Jonah mumbled into Patton’s chest. “It’s– it’s built on a lot of hope. I don’t think I could have found it anywhere else.”

Patton’s heart shattered.

‘I wish I could give you more.’ He squeezed Jonah tighter. ‘I’d give you all I had, and you’d never know.’

Jonah left a few minutes later, thanking Patton for giving them a space to be honest. All Patton could do was nod numbly. He knew Jonah was new and it was hard to be new here, but Patton was certain that they’d find their place. The kids who came here always did.

Patton walked around his desk to sit down. He took one look at his phone, frowned, then set it aside with a sigh. For a brief moment, Patton relished sitting in the precious silence that finally found his office.

Then, a knock on his door.

“Come in!” Patton said, straightening up and folding his hands neatly on his desk. The door cracked open and Logan’s head peeked in.

“Is this a good time, Patton?”

“Yeah, of course!”

Logan stepped inside and handed some papers to Patton.

“I filed through the volunteer applications and started arranging interviews in the coming weeks. I just wanted to run the dates by you before I start contacting people. Hopefully they suffice.”

“Wow! Thank you, Lo.” Patton took the papers, slowly sifting through them. “These look really good! I’ll have a look at them tonight.”

“Tonight?” Logan echoed. “Are you staying late again?”

“Oh! Yeah, I am.” Patton shrugged. “Just a bit of extra paperwork.”

“Well if you require any assistance tonight, I can stay around–”

“No, no! That won’t be necessary.” Patton waved his hand dismissively. “Go and enjoy your night, Lo.”

Logan’s stare seemed to bury itself through Patton, enough for Patton to look away.

“...Well, please do not hesitate to let me know if you need anything else.”

As Logan was leaving, Patton felt his phone buzz. He snuck a peek and paled.

‘Missed call(s): Mother (2) - 5:34 PM’

“Um, leave the door open, Lo!” Patton suddenly blurted out. Logan turned around and tilted his head. Patton flimsily added, “I– I think I’m going to try and get some air.”

Logan nodded, lifting his hand off the door handle before walking out. Patton took a deep breath and then stuffed his phone in his pocket before leaving as well.

—

Later that evening, Patton wandered into his office in a daze. He turned the lights on and inwardly groaned at the stacks of paper awaiting him.

He dragged his feet to his desk, only stopping to check his phone. The ‘missed call’ notification lingered, except now the number was ‘3’.

Patton felt his jaw tighten. He couldn’t run forever.

As he sat down, he noticed a small cup behind one stack of paper. He grabbed it. The smell of coffee swarmed his head. He smiled, noticing a small sticky note on its side.

“Keep up the great work. Your friend, Logan.”

~*~

“Okay everyone! Grab your brushes!”

Patton blinked. Somehow, his memory of the manor floors failed him, and he ended up in the recreation room. He felt eyes stare up at him, Roman’s included.

“Ah, Patton! Man of the hour! What brings you here?”

Patton sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “I, um, got lost! If you could believe it, heh.”

“ ‘Lost’ is just a way of saying ‘found, but with a few extra steps’!” Roman motioned to an empty seat. “How about you join us for a bit?”

Patton opened his mouth to protest, though felt cornered by all the expectant stares. He even spotted Jonah, who smiled and waved at him. Patton sighed. He had been wound up for days now; perhaps Roman’s theatrics was all he needed.

He finally nodded, going over to sit in front of the vacant canvas. Roman grinned at him with a warmth Patton let himself melt into.

“Alright! Let’s begin.” Roman cleared his throat. “I want you to pull on the colours of your heartstrings. Forget form, structure– even an outline. Your emotions know no bounds, after all! Just remember, your hand is not controlling the brush — it’s your heart.”

Patton felt the words wash over him. Roman, of course, was right; he didn’t even notice his hand moving as he painted. Though somehow, it didn’t feel as peaceful as Roman described it to be. Instead, it felt like something was being pulled out of Patton, as though a claw was scooping something out of his chest and spilling it onto the canvas.

Suddenly, his ringtone cut through Roman’s monologue. Patton jumped, dropping his brush. A line of paint dragged across the canvas as it fell. All eyes were on him again.

“Um, excuse me! I– I’m just going to take this.” Patton pressed answer without looking at who called as he stumbled out of the room.

“Hello?”

“I see you’ve finally answered.”

Patton’s heart dropped.

—

Roman was halfway through the end of his monologue when, in the corner of his eye, he spotted Patton re-enter the room, head ducked.

“Ah! I’m glad you’re back!”

Patton nodded, but in the stilted way Roman quickly recognized. His eyes looked Patton up and down, barely listening to Patton’s stammering apology for interrupting. His hair was disheveled, which meant he ran his hand through it far too many times. His eyes were red, his jaw was tight–

He was crying.

“Anyway, I’m sorry again for leaving so soon!” Patton’s voice brought Roman back to reality. “Keep painting you guys! I gotta Van-Gogh!”

A shaky laugh followed Patton out. Roman frowned, but he nodded for everyone to continue. He passed by Patton’s canvas and snuck a peek.

It was rather abstract, with overlapping strokes forming a gradient. Roman’s gaze followed the gradient downwards. The canvas was filled with dull blues that turned into darkening greys. Towards the bottom was a thin line of black trailed all the way to Patton’s paintbrush, abandoned on the floor.

~*~

The sun sets on a long railroad, it goes past the horizon, it outstretches a hand like it’s beckoning, it’s begging you to run, run faster, everything is going faster and they just told you to go so you have to–

“Pat?”

Patton shot up in his seat with a yelp. He blinked quickly, vision focusing on the silhouette of–

“Virgil!” A strangled laugh escaped his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in!”

Virgil replied simultaneously, “No, I’m sorry, you just weren’t answering and I got worried, but I didn’t realize you were sleeping–”

“Sleeping?” Patton looked down at the time. 5 PM.

“Oh sh– shoot, I’m gonna be late.”

“Late for?”

“Animal shelter,” Patton mumbled, stumbling out of his chair and grabbing his bag. “I forgot that I said I’d come in today– gosh how could I forget–”

“Hey.” Virgil rested a hand on Patton’s shoulder before Patton could go spiralling out the door. “Deep breath. I’ll drive you, it’ll be okay.”

Patton opened his mouth to protest, but remembered the time. He sighed and motioned wordlessly at the door. Virgil nodded, leading the two of them out towards the parking lot.

“Anyway, I’m sorry if it’s a bad time, I was just hoping to run some website revisions by you,” Virgil said as he started the car and backed out of the lot. Patton shakily smiled.

“No! It’s not a bad time at all, you can tell me about your ideas as you drive!”

“There’s not much. I was just thinking of ways to maybe make it more approachable. There’s not even really an ‘about us’ page or anything about you–”

“Why would there need to be anything about me?”

Virgil looked at him, almost confused. “It’s an amazing organization, Pat. Your name should be up there, especially as the founder…?”

“Oh! R-Right.” Patton let out a sharp laugh. “I guess I never thought about it before.”

“I could put something together tonight, I was just thinking it'd be cool to hear you talk about it.” Virgil turned at an intersection. The sign of the animal shelter soon came into view.

“I guess that’d be a good idea!” Patton shrugged. “But there’s, um, not really anything interesting to know.”

Virgil frowned, falling quiet as he parked the car. When they stopped moving, Virgil turned to face him.

“Say, would it be okay if I joined you?” Virgil shuffled awkwardly in his seat. “I, um, have a bit of a free night, and I was thinking that maybe I could just ask you stuff for the website now so I don’t have to bother you later…?”

Patton’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that sounds perfect! Liz will probably be okay with it. I think it’s bath night for the dogs, and we can always use an extra hand with that!”

Virgil chuckled, following Patton out the car and into the animal shelter.

Patton gathered the energy he had left to greet Liz and everyone else, already cooing over the various animals he and Virgil passed by. They reached the back and, with only a bit of struggle (Patton would never admit to these cute dogs being a struggle), took each dog a bath. All the while, Virgil asked Patton questions about the Rainbow Manor and his life in general, which Patton did his best to answer.

“I ended up founding the Rainbow Manor a year after I graduated.” Patton wiped his brow as they finished drying the last dog. “I had been living on Roman’s couch for so long after being kicked out and I just wanted to turn it around; not only for myself, but for other people.”

Virgil’s stare softened. “I– I’m sorry. N-Not about how you founded the place but, like...why you felt like you needed to. That must’ve been hard.”

“Yeah.” Patton forced a shrug. “It is what it is. Sometimes, you have to get lost to be found, right?”

“Right.” Virgil looked up at Patton. “Do...do you still keep in touch with them? Your parents, I mean.”

Patton felt his heart squeeze.

“It’s been so long,” he finally said. “I doubt they’d want to talk to me.”

—

Virgil offered to drive Patton back, but Patton insisted on taking a cab home. Virgil reluctantly conceded, but promised to email Patton when he drafted the additions to the website. Patton just nodded and watched Virgil drive off.

When he was sure that Virgil was completely gone, he shakily pulled out his phone and called a cab.

“Hi! I– I just need to go to The Rainbow Manor,” he said to the driver as he climbed into the car. He found himself laughing. “Long work day. It is what it is.”

~*~

Days passed, and Patton’s workload somehow doubled: new admissions, new initiatives, new everything.

(And his mother kept calling. And calling. And calling.)

To say it was a lot was an understatement.

Patton found himself going back and forth along the manor halls, forcing a smile at those he passed. He closed his eyes, turning a corner before he knocked into someone.

“Crap! I– I’m so sorry.” Patton quickly scrambled to gather the papers that had fallen onto the floor.

“Oh, don’t apologize, I always thought that important documentation would make for good confetti– ah, hello, Patton.”

Patton looked up. Janus appeared above him, outstretching their hand to help Patton up. Patton took it, scooping the papers up as he went.

“Janus! Hi! Well, if you’re looking for me...here I am!” He laughed, though it sounded scratchier than expected. “Everything okay?”

“More than, thank you. I just wanted to follow up about my schedule for the new admissions? You mentioned yesterday that I should come to you but I couldn’t find you…”

Patton winced. His chest tightened.

“F– I forgot, goodness how am I always–”

“It’s quite alright, Patton, I can always–”

“I–It’s not okay!”

In the corner of his eye, Jonah passed by. He felt their wide eyes on him. The air grew thinner.

“It’s– gah, it’s never fucking–”

“Oookay. We’re not okay and that’s...okay.”

Janus suddenly took Patton’s arm and led him to their office. They swiftly kicked the door shut with their foot as they let Patton settle on the couch.

“Breathe for me,” Janus said slowly, pulling up a chair and sitting across from Patton. They took Patton’s hand and motioned for him to follow their lead. “In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8…”

They repeated this a few more times until Patton let go of his head and his breathing evened out.

“I– I’m so sorry, Janus. I don’t know what–”

“It’s fine, Patton. I’m glad I could help.” A pause. Janus leaned back in their chair. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“No, everything’s fine.”

Janus raised a brow.

“Okay, everything’s not fine. But...but it will be fine. I have to be fine.” His mind drifted to Jonah. Patton buried his face in his hands.

“I can’t be like this,” he said, tears threatening to fall. “I...I just can’t. Not now, this– this can’t be happening now.”

“Unfortunately, these things tend to find us — not the other way around.” Janus squeezed Patton’s hand in a sudden moment of softness. “I...I know what this is, Patton. And I don’t have to tell you what to do because I know you know. You help so many people like you, but remember: when the plane is falling, you have to put on your oxygen mask before you help someone else.”

Patton locked eyes with Janus for a split second, opening his mouth to respond when he felt his phone ringing. Reflexively, he pulled it out in front of his lap. The air disappeared once more.

‘Incoming call: Mother’

Patton quickly pressed ‘decline’. He then looked up at Janus, whose eyes darted upwards as well.

Shit.

“I– I have to go.”

“Wait, Patton–”

“Thank you for everything, Janus,” Patton mumbled, and before Janus could reply, Patton sped out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him.

~*~

“I just don’t get it,” Roman muttered, leg bouncing under the table in the break room. “I’ve never seen him like this before.”

“You haven’t?” Janus circled the table like a hawk.

“What makes you think I have?”

“Oh, I don’t know! Maybe it’s the fact that he has about a thousand jobs! Or perhaps it’s that he’s been staying overnight every night to work as if he owns the place — oh wait! He does! But I have no idea why that might be stressful at all!”

Roman glowered at them, but said nothing.

“I can imagine that his workload presumably doubled this past month,” Logan, sitting across from Roman beside Virgil, adjusted his glasses. “Between the new admissions, growth in our volunteer admissions…”

“Okay, so he has a lot on his plate!” Roman pinched the bridge of his nose. “But I’ve seen him stressed out about these sorts of things. This is different.”

“So what else could be on his mind?” Virgil piped up.

Janus suddenly stopped in their tracks.

“His mother.”

Roman’s heart dropped. “His– his what?”

“She called him while Patton was in my office,” Janus murmured. “He left straight after.”

Virgil frowned. “Why would he...”

Roman felt as if he had burst into flames. The pieces clicked together in his head.

“The– the fucking nerve of that woman, I can’t believe she’s still–”

“Roman, what are you talking about?” Logan cut in.

Before Roman could respond, he felt a buzz in his pocket. He immediately pulled out his phone. His breathing hitched.

‘Help.’

“It’s Patton,” he blurted out, stumbling out his chair and making his way out of the room. Everyone exchanged looks, but quickly followed suit.

Roman weaved his ways through the halls until he neared Patton’s office. Loud sobs were muffled behind the door. Roman felt his heart breaking already as he opened it.

And there was Patton, on the floor, crying, and surrounded by shards of broken porcelain. Roman recognized it as a vase he had painted for him years ago. He winced seeing small drops of blood surrounding the pieces. His eyes quickly scanned the room as Logan immediately tended to Patton.

“What happened, Patton?” Logan murmured as Patton curled up closer to him, sobs still wracking his body.

“I– I’m so sorry.” Each word sounded like it was forced out of his lungs and into the air. “I– I tried to clean up, I’m sorry–”

“Shh, Patton. It’s okay.” Janus knelt down beside him, carefully lifting Patton’s wrist to examine his hand. A long cut ran across his palm. Janus looked up at Roman and Virgil.

“There’s a first-aid kit in my office, as well as a broom and dustpan. Can one of you grab it?”

Virgil nodded wordlessly, exiting the room. Roman noticed Patton’s phone beside Patton on the ground, and reached over to pick it up.

“What did she say, Pat,” Roman asked, fear edging the quiet of his voice. The words seemed to stab at Patton and let out more sobs.

“She– she found out about everything,” Patton wheezed through tears. “The– the Rainbow Manor, where I am– she wants to take it all– she can’t take it all–”

“Patton, I need you to follow my breathing, okay?” Janus interrupted, motioning at their chest with their hand as they inhaled and exhaled. “Can you see my hand? I want you to try and follow along, okay?

Patton numbly nodded, trying to breathe through hiccups and sobs. Janus repeated the exercise with Patton for at least fifteen minutes, with Virgil returning halfway and Logan moving to sit in front of Patton to start tending to the cut. Virgil carefully swept around Roman, Janus, Logan, and Patton on the floor.

“Whatever she told you, it isn’t true,” Roman said after Patton’s breath had evened out. “She can’t touch you here, not with us around.”

“I– I know,” Patton sniffled. Logan finished bandaging Patton’s hand and offered him a tissue from the box on his desk. “She said so many awful things, but– but the scariest part is that she didn’t stop at just saying things.”

“What do you mean?” Logan murmured.

“She...she threatened to shut the Rainbow Manor down.”

“What?!” Roman shot up from the floor. “But– but she can’t–”

“You know my mom, Roman,” Patton whimpered. “She has connections all over the city. If she wanted to, she would find a way.”

“So why hasn’t she?” Janus asked quietly. A beat of silence. Patton brought his knees closer to his chest and buried his face between them.

“She– she wants a percentage of the donations,” Patton finally admitted.

“What the fuck,” Virgil growled, stopping in his tracks.

“I know! It’s– it’s impossible, I–” Another sob. Logan and Janus moved closer to him, with Janus putting their arm around his shoulder.

“What did you tell her?” Janus pressed on.

“I– I told her no! Even if I wanted to, I can’t, but– but what else can I do?” Patton looked at his bandaged hand and grimaced. “And of course she got mad, and I freaked out, and I knocked over the vase– god, Roman, I’m sorry about the vase–”

“The vase is replaceable,” is all Roman said. “You aren’t.”

Patton just nodded, looking up at the four of them in his office with teary eyes.

“What am I going to do?”

Everyone exchanged looks. Roman lowered himself back to the floor beside Patton and wrapped him in a warm hug.

“You’re not going to do anything,” Roman said firmly.

“Roman…”

“All your life, you’ve taken care of people like they were your family, Patton. Please, let your family take care of you.”

Patton sniffled, looking around him. Virgil, Logan, and Janus nodded with small smiles, moving closer to him and joining the embrace.

And Patton just nodded, dissolving into tears; except this time, Roman could feel the relief from them. He felt Patton melt in his touch and smiled to himself, a similar relief washing over him as well.

(And for a moment, just a brief moment, Patton was home.)

~*~

One week later…

“Keep your eyes closed…”

“Roman, I don’t know how many more walls I can keep bumping into!”

“Just a little longer, I promise!”

Patton giggled, letting himself be led by Roman through more halls. Then, Roman stopped him.

“Okay, you can open your eyes in 3...2–”

“I’m opening them now, I’m too excited!” Patton squealed, and then opened his eyes. Suddenly, a burst of colour flooded his vision.

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices exclaimed.

Patton broke into a wide smile, blinking to focus on the sight in front of him. He was standing in the recreation room, with a big banner hanging from the back wall reading, “Happy Birthday, Rainbow Manor!”. Beneath it was a table with a cake, which was surrounded by Janus, Virgil, and Logan, alongside a bunch of other teens Patton recognized. Even Jonah was there, wearing a small party hat with a confetti popper in his hands.

Patton felt tears well up in his eyes. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you remembered!”

“Of course, padré!” Roman grabbed Patton’s arm and led him around the table to stand in front of the cake. “Always normal for a family to celebrate the man who built their home!”

“Oh, Roman!” Patton leaned against his shoulder, sniffling. “It’s perfect.”

He then looked at Virgil, Logan, and Janus. “I can’t believe you guys set this all up, it must’ve taken forever!”

“Actually, it just took a day,” Logan hummed.

“And the cake doesn’t explode,” Virgil said with a small finger salute. “I checked.”

“Additionally, we understand that presents are customary at a party,” Logan continued. “So while our present is not materialistic, we do hope it suffices.”

“Oh?”

“Sir Nerds-A-Lot is trying to say that we’re pitching in to give you a few days off!” Roman declared. “We handled a few responsibilities over the weekend while you were home, and split your workload for the week ahead! Consider this the fabulous gift of time!”

“Oh you guys! You didn’t have to!”

“But we did, and we did so gladly,” Logan said with a nod.

“Also–” Janus leaned over to quietly whisper in Patton’s ear– “I took care of your mother.”

Patton frowned. “You...what? Is– is she…”

“She’s fine, but she won’t be bothering you for a long time.” Janus winked. “Let’s just say I know people too.”

Patton exhaled a breath he felt he was holding onto forever. He nodded graciously at Janus as Roman handed him a cake-cutter.

“Alright! Before you take the first slice, you gotta make a wish!” Roman motioned at the lit candles on the cake. Patton stepped forward, closed his eyes for a brief moment, and then blew them out.

Everyone cheered as Patton was surrounded by hugs and laughter. He felt Janus, Logan, Roman, and Virgil crowd around him as they started to help hand out cake to all the teens.

And in the back of his mind, his wish echoed in his head.

‘I hope to always be able to share this home with my family.’

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic #DLAMP #platonic DLAMP #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #hurt/comfort #angst #thomas sanders fic #everything gets worse before it gets better :p

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kinatalks · 4 years

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Let’s talk about DiaLuci.

Look, this isn’t a judgement call. This is merely a flat out explanation and something that should be recognized. There will be a few S2-3 spoilers, but it’s mainly vague, not going into details.

Be aware: This covers sensitive topics regarding the ship, toxic behaviors, abusive relationships, and the angel event.

Firstly, if you support DiaLuci, good for you! I’m not here to shame someone for their ships. But this fandom has a habit of attacking others who aren’t so fond of this ship. Someone can like Diavolo, and not support Dialuci. You can support Lucifer, and not like Dialuci. Or hell, you could dislike either/or both characters and fucking love the ship! No matter which character or ship you like or dislike, you are completely valid.

But this is a post, about the issues with the ship that I personally see, and why it should be more outspoken.

Now lets get to the point of the subject, shall we?

I fairly like Diavolo. He’s charming, joyous, and someone who would be the star of a party. Someone cheerful and bright. However, the way that this fandom persecutes anyone who doesn’t like Diavolo or feels uncomfortable around him is not ok.

In my opinion, Diavolo has shown signs of immature and insensitive behavior. I.e. the way he treats others like toys. Yes, he cares about them, but often doesn’t consider their feelings in things he considers ‘mere pranks.’ This may be because Barbatos constantly assures him that the future will be fine, since Barbatos can manipulate and choose timelines.

He wants the best for the people around him, but doesn’t exactly take criticism or resistance to his advances kindly. “Well duh, he’s a ruler!” So? Yes, he’s a ruler, but that doesn’t mean he should be inconsiderate about others around him. The fact that he disregards others opinions unless it fits his agenda, is a sign of his childishness.

Which means, that over time, Diavolo doesn’t hold much regard to his actions, as Barbatos is always there to catch him. Now that doesn’t mean he constantly is reckless. When it comes to official Devildom matters, Diavolo is an apt ruler, who makes decisions for the Devildom’s best interests.

The problem is, no one has told Diavolo about his less than savory behavior. Because they fear him, and fear the punishments he could inflict upon them. So I can’t really say that he’s a completely bad character.

He wants Lucifer to be his equal, and acknowledge the fact that Diavolo sees him as an equal. Diavolo’s lonely, and it’s explicitly stated as so. He envies the closeness the brothers have. So, he goes about it in the only way he knows how. Which we’ll get to a bit later.

As for Lucifer, I can’t deny I’m quite fond of him. He does his best to overcome his pride for MC, and gradually (in S2-3), he becomes more open with his feelings. Yes, he’s a deeply flawed character, but he’s not a complete villain. The world simply isn’t as black and white as some would like it to be.

Yes, his relationship with some of his brothers is toxic. The way he treats Mammon at times is unacceptable, and possibly abusive in my opinion. The fact that he acts cold and distant to his brothers at times isn’t ok. But one thing I’ve seen others overlook, is that Lucifer is the Avatar of Pride. Does this excuse his actions? No. Does it explain some of his habits? Yes.

Don’t get me wrong, he still has a lot to work on. But he’s getting there, and actively trying to get better.

Now for the ship.

You do not need to like a ship, just because a character from that ship is constantly seen with the partner. Like I’ve said above, you can hate or love Diavolo or Lucifer, and dislike/like the ship.

As for the oath, I won’t delve too deep into this, as it would take essays upon essays worth of information. But we all know that, Diavolo had given Lucifer an ultimatum. Save Lilith, at the cost of Lucifer’s unquestionable loyalty.

Which as we’ve seen, Lucifer had agreed to the terms. And so, he is now Diavolo’s most trusted advisor, his right hand man.

Even though Diavolo says or implies that he sees Lucifer as an equal. He doesn’t always seem to show it. The power imbalance in between both characters is evident, throughout the plot of the story. If Lucifer denies Diavolo’s advances, Diavolo will continue. Why?

Well, you could argue that his behavior is due to him being royalty. Which is true, he’s royalty, and has never been told no. Barbatos has always been there, fixing his mess, so why would he need to worry?

Diavolo praises Lucifer, in a manner that is clearly uncomfortable to the latter. It’s evident that Lucifer despises being praised for his beauty, and just his looks. I’ve seen blogs see it as ‘just a joke’ or ‘being playful’. But time and time again, Lucifer has denied these advances, very obviously disliking the attention and focus on his looks.

But Diavolo continues, and in his defense, you could say, ‘because Lucifer doesn’t say that he’s uncomfortable!’. It’s very obvious that Lucifer isn’t an equal to Diavolo, no matter how much the latter insists he is. We’ve seen Diavolo brush off other’s discomfort at his actions, and we’ve seen him continue.

Diavolo is not evil. This is quite clear, even though he may be suspicious to some. However, his relationship tactics and methods of relationships have toxic, and quite possibly abusive effects.

For example. The angel event.

We all know, that the bangles controlled the 7 avatars, turning them all into angels. Their outfits, and minds, were taken over. The brothers, (excluding Satan.) had gone through traumatic events in these outfits, that’s for sure.

The celestial war, and losing Lilith, all were incredibly traumatizing events forever affecting their mindsets from that day forward. The bangles attempted to brain wash them, and we can see it when Satan states that he doesn’t feel like himself, that he felt calm.

But you might think, “But being calm is great! Isn’t that what he always wantd?’. Not quite.. All Satan had known before was wrath, and being calm completely took away an important part of him. Even though Satan had always resented his wrath, his sin, he had felt like a part of himself was miserable without it. He wasn’t himself, and felt as if he were being forced to be calm, something he loathes.

In all of the brothers, we can see that they are clearly distressed, and may come out of this situation traumatized.

Lucifer is no exception. We saw how visibly upset he was, the fact that the snow-white wings on his back gave him a constant reminder of the war and Lilith, throughout the entire ordeal.

What was Diavolo doing this entire time? He was being provided entertainment, and reveled the sight before him. He enjoyed seeing the brothers in their angelic uniforms, where they had fought with tooth and nail for their sister, and who knows what else. He enjoyed the fact that the brothers were having angelic ideals forced inside their heads.

And when someone speaks up against him? He’s passive aggressive about it, until the person opposing him gives up, begs for forgiveness, or embarrasses themselves.

While criticism of any of the characters is deemed valid and peachy in this fandom. I haven’t seen any criticism of Diavolo that wasn’t met with backlash and intense hounding. Lucifer, Satan, Belphegor, have all been criticized, but has the majority really deemed those opinions as invalid? No. We can all see why those arguments are valid, and people have their own reasons.

Hell, we’ve all seen people Lucifer left and right. And you know what? They’re completely valid! Some people may have triggers/squicks in regards to his behavior, and it’s completely understandable.

But the moment someone criticized Diavolo, we see fighting and targeting. The person who speaks up gets pushed down and insulted, until they either give up, or agree. If you like Diavolo, good for you, you’re valid! If you don’t, you’re completely valid!

Now back to the ship. Apologies for getting off topic, but oftentimes, when Diavolo and Lucifer are mentioned separately, they’re roped together.

Abusive/toxic relationships aren’t always one where the abusive/toxic partner is an outright terrible person. Oftentimes, they come with charm, a dazzling smile, and friends that would fight tooth and nail for them.

Diavolo has Lucifer in an....uncomfortable position to say the least. In power dynamics, that is. Lucifer is constantly embarrassed publicly and privately by compliments, and Diavolo knows this. He’s demeaned by the oath, and as for work, Diavolo often adds to it, just for fun. I.e, leaving the Devildom to come to the human world, leaving his responsibilities behind.

“But he’s lonely!” Yes, and? He is lonely, yes, but there is a time and place for fun, and time and place for work. He is going to become a King, and if he puts all this responsibility and stress on Lucifer, it simply isn’t right.

They have their good moments, but that absolutely does not make up for the state of the relationship as a whole. Just because someone has their good moments, doesn’t mean you accept and forgive them. That’s like saying that someone who physically abuses their S/O, is a good partner because they occasionally make them dinner. It simply isn’t correct.

Majority of the time, Diavolo is fine with Lucifer being reduced to a pretty face and belittled. In public, which very clearly hurts Lucifer’s pride and reputation.

Many people can resonate with some of these behaviors, having seen them in their past.

So please. Tag your works as DiaLuci for others uncomfortable with it, stop attacking others who dislike the ship, and for fucks sake, enough with hating people who dislike a character and/or ship.

#obey me #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #obey me ship #obey me dialuci #dialuci #obey me ship discussion

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confused-as-all-hell · 3 years

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Rowan Whitethorn

“You collect scars because you want proof that you are paying for whatever sins you've committed. And I know this because I've been doing the same damn thing for two hundred years. Tell me, do you think you will go to some blessed Afterworld, or do you expect a burning hell? You're hoping for hell--because how could you face them in the Afterworld? Better to suffer, to be damned for eternity.”

Rowan Whitethorn, arrogant and powerful and fierce. The Fae Warrior, Prince of Doranelle, King of Terrasen. A male who had held death in his arms, who loved a queen without her crown, who had a laugh like midsummer thunder.

He was by no account perfect. His love was scarce, his warmth thinner still. His tongue was edged in steel. His temper is rivaled by none.

Rowan has his faults, but the primary source of his hatred is his appearance. People pick on him for being white and for being muscular, as if being either of the two is awful. I understand how several white characters might spark frustration, but (I say this as a woman of colour, myself) that is a fucking bullshit reason to hate him. He did not rummage through a box and draw out the label reading “white.” This is how Sarah J Maas chose to write him.

Rowan might have a more muscular build than average, but that’s literally the entire point. We are shown he trains and works out strenuously, as well as eats certain food to keep himself fit. He is careful with himself, and genuinely puts in the necessary work to retain his muscle. He is a trained warrior that has lived for hundreds of years, of course he’s going to have accumulated strength. Do not attempt to dissuade me on this topic, as I know from personal experience the effects of working out.

Yes, he is out of the ordinary in terms of his looks. Silver hair, green eyes, skin made tan by the sun. But he is always described as handsome from Aelin’s point of view, and have none of you ever been in love? Your boyfriend or girlfriend or significant other is always staggeringly attractive through your lenses. His face is never written as angelic or perfect, however, and Rowan is thought of as extraordinary but not impossible.

Allow male characters to be stunning without detesting them for it, as you would females. I have too often seen people (the same people who praise Nesta or Gwyn for being beautiful) write long-ass posts on why Rowan just isn’t realistic. Maybe it isn’t. But if you opened a fantasy novel expecting realism, I will find myself amused. Rowan is fae, for fuck’s sake. Sarah J Maas wrote them to be attractive.

Another point of speculation is Rowan’s initial dislike of Aelin. He is thought of as abusive, which I will blatantly disagree with.

When Aelin first arrived in Mistward, she and Rowan were not friends. They were not associates. They were two grief-stricken, trauma-ridden characters with awful coping methods and no hope to be seen. Over time, they began to work together, and that begrudging respect blossomed into friendship.

Did they detest one another? Yeah, they did.

And then they realized the full extent of their comments, how wrong they were to be so awful, and they made their peace with it. The point of that dislike was to give them both character arcs, to show they grew from the furious, miserable, bleeding shells of themselves.

They grew from that pain.

Hatred became acceptance, acceptance became respect, respect became friendship, friendship became love. They did not love each other instantly, nor should they have. It was slow, and they learned from the mistakes they made, they apologized for them.

Their romantic relationship (nor platonic) was never toxic. It was always mutual communication and understanding and “I will be here for you, but I will not dive in to fix all your problems.” It was concern and support and admiration. It was “I will sit with you, and I will light my lamps to banish the dark.”

Does Rowan worry after Aelin often? Yes, of course.

But have none of you ever been in love? During times of strife, of terror, you’re always calling in to make sure they’re okay, they’ve dealt the day’s cards. Rowan worried after Aelin, but he never, ever suppressed her. He allowed her to go about on her daily business, he just wished he could accompany for the more dangerous activities. It was not coddling or stifling her, it was wishing for her safety.

Let Rowan worry over his best friend (now wife) without being detested for it.

Had my own best friend put herself in danger, I would have her head for it. I don’t know who told you only friends can worry over your safety, but they lied. Rowan is entitled to being angry at Aelin when she leaves in the dead of night and comes back drenched in blood.

If it was Aedion who was furious, would you have such a problem with this?

For fuck’s sake, a significant other is just your bestest friend who loves you romantically rather than platonically.

Rowan proves time and time again he will always stand beside Aelin; when he pleaded for his cousins’ aid in the war, when he was prepared to give his life for her during QoS, when he was always, always, always there to lend a hand.

He extended a hand... but she was always the one to take it.

He was respectful and courteous of her every boundary, and she his. They never waded too deep into each other’s pasts, never pried or tried to lift that barricade. They gave each other space, understanding.

Yes, I heard you, they didn’t have the best start. But the point of character arcs is to start in a bad place and haul oneself out. It wouldn’t have worked if Rowan was this sweet, gentle, warm character from the very beginning who kissed Aelin’s ass.

Rowan’s wife and unborn child had died, and he was forced to shoulder that burden alone. He was forced to deal with his war trauma alone. He was made into a monster, and he felt he deserved nothing less.

Rowan acted harshly towards Aelin because a few of her comments were triggering and insensitive towards his trauma, and if we can find it in ourselves to forgive Nesta Archeron (who I love very much, don’t attack me) we can forgive him for dealing badly with his issues.

Just because he is a male, and he doesn’t cry or scream or outwardly show his hurt, we have seen from his part of view that he loved Lyria, and Aelin is so different from her, but he loves them both and his guilt is awful.

His being protective over Aelin is a product of his trauma. He left his wife alone, and she was promptly murdered, alongside his unborn son or daughter. Don’t you think it still frightens him to leave Aelin be, especially in their current war state? Even still, I can think of around two occasions where he was protective, and not one more.

What I’m trying to say is, Rowan is allowed to be flawed and PTSD-ridden and hurting.

What I’m trying to say is, he can make mistakes and fuck up from time to time.

What I’m trying to say is, he is worthy of love all the same.

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girlofprey7 · 3 years

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Why Apritello works/doesn’t work:

a short analysis and essay about April and Donatello’s overall dynamic and development in the 2012 show.

Apritello as a pairing is a pretty damn controversial topic in the TMNT 2012 fandom, and with good reason. Some fans may dislike or be against April because of her apparent rudeness or ungrateful nature towards everyone’s favourite brainy turtle, and Donatello may be thrown under the bus for his questionable and quote on quote ‘creepy’ behaviour towards April in the earlier seasons. Because of these observations, it has lead many fans to believe that relationship is unhealthy, toxic, and even going as far to call it emotionally abusive.

Today, we’re going to be looking at WHY fans may come to that conclusion, while also trying to look at the positive and promising sides of their relationship, in order to work out if their relationship works or not. We’ll be going through the moments where both sides have shown signs of toxicity, as well as signs of respect, trust, and love.

Also I just wanna say that this is my personal opinion, and though I am trying to fully consider all points from both sides of the argument, if you don’t agree with my overall thoughts, that’s perfectly fine. Just please keep your anti posts out of the Apritello tag where us fans can’t see them.

First we’ll be starting off With the Crusher himself, Donatello.

Let’s look at his examples of his toxic behaviour first:

He did follow her around New York in Target:April O’Neil. I may love Donnie, but I’m not going to deny that this decision was wrong, nor am I going to make excuses for him. He should have given April time to come to terms with herself, instead of following her and pushing her further over the edge. This was not a good thing to do, and while I wouldnt call it whole heartedly toxic, it was highly disrespectful of April’s space.

He tried to close up on her face when he was watching her with Metal head on the roof top. This is also highly disrespectful of April’s space, and could also be considered quote on quote ‘creepy’. There’s not much to say about this scene since it was pretty short, but all I can say is that he didn’t attempt to do it again after April called him out, though it still wasn’t respectful of him to do.

He got really jealous whenever April got remotely close to Casey, or when Casey got close to April. This is only in season 2 and maybe early 3 as far as I can see, but Donnie really didn’t do well whenever Casey was around April. He tried to pull them apart aggressively from hugging in Chinatown ghost story, and would constantly childishly fight and bicker with him for April’s attention. This is definitely an example of possessive nature, but I wouldn’t call it controlling nature as well, as he never outright insulted her or judged her for hanging out with Casey, he just bickered and fought with him.

Ok, so currently that’s all the So called toxic behaviour I can think of that was in the show, but maybe I’ll be able to find more examples that people use once I watch more of the series again.

Now, let’s move on to April’s purely Toxic behaviour in the relationship:

She stopped any chances of Donnie communicating his feelings or their relationship to him. The main example being in the invasion when she silenced his confession, while nervously saying that it just makes things hurt more. While her motivation behind this behaviour is still up for debate, I won’t deny that she should have tried to listen to what he had to say first, as well as try to communicate her own emotions better with him too. This is an example of miscommunication, and bad communication between a pair.

She would often get annoyed at him when he tried to help her or protect her, like in the Kraang conspiracy when he told he he’d protect her in the fight, and she responded with, ‘protect yourself,’ in a frustrated tone. She could have told Donnie that she didn’t need his help and that she could take care of herself politely, but she made a bad choice with her words and tone. This is an example of lashing out, without thinking of the partners feelings first. But this not completely count as emotional abuse.

She yelled at him, blaming him for losing her Crystal in Bats in the Belfry. This WAS partially caused by the fact the Crystal was controlling part of her emotions and actions, but it was still a hurtful thing to do to Donnie, who was trying to be patient with her throughout. This is an example of ungratefulness towards your partner, as well as lashing out and not considering their feelings first. Again, this is a bad thing to do either way, but I’ll have to look at her other instances in order to determine whether it’s truly emotional abuse.

(I don’t know whether her not actually outright telling either Casey or Donnie how she felt should be considered totally toxic behaviour or not, so I’m just gonna leave it as a half point for her lack of responsibility with the triangle.)

She doesn’t always appreciate him, or show her appreciation when he does something nice for her. This may be connected to number 2, in which when he would attempt to protect her or help her with something, she would sometimes respond in a stubborn and annoyed manner, not being fully appreciative of his help.

Ok, so again, this is all the so called toxic behaviour that fans usually seem to bring up while talking about The relationship, but this is also all the instances I remember her displaying in the series, but if I think of any more examples that people use I’ll add them.

(Also the claim that she may have been making mixed messages is connected to number one if you were wondering.)

Now before we move on, I just want to say something real quick. I love Apritello. Yeah it’s got it’s flaws, but I mostly blame the writers for that, and not the actual characters themselves. Hell, even with the problems I think it was pretty well written for an action show overall.

Also, I’m not trying to decipher which one of the pair had the most toxic behaviour, or who was the problem in their relationship, since both April AND Donnie have done things that I don’t agree with. I’m just trying to figure out whether the good on both sides, outweighs the bad on both sides.

So now, we’ll be looking at the pairs examples of respect/support/love/and trust.

Starting with Donnie:

When he comforted April when she was infected with the gas in Fungus Humungous, he never tried to take advantage of her fearful state, and instead just wanted to make sure she was Ok. This is an example of respect and support towards a partner, and not attempting to further your chances of being with them. Though Donnie still has his undeniable love for her (yes and at this point I’m pretty sure it passed crush territory), he is still able to treat her as a friend and comfort her without the motivation of getting with her.

When he followed April in mutagen man, though it was undeniably a bad thing to do, when April chewed him out for it and said without hesitation, ‘I never want to see you again,’ he felt guilty and remorse for it, and stopped doing it after that. He didn’t follow her again, knowing she needed space after the incident with her dad. This is what separates him from being a stalker. A true stalker would know what they’re doing is wrong, feel absolutely no remorse or guilt for it, and continue doing it even when he is told to stop. Donnie felt guilty and bad about it, even though he didn’t necessarily know what he was doing could be considered wrong, and stopped doing it. This is why he isn’t a stalker, and also shows his respect for April’s space and feelings.

When he gave April a music box in A foot too big, (yeah you knew I was gonna talk about this episode eventually) she acted uncomfortable with his forward ness, as well as the fact that he said nothing the whole time and the box was another obvious ploy to start something between them, showed by the picture of him inside, as well as the heart on the front. After living with big foot, he realised his actions were uncomfortable to her, once again felt guilty and remorse for it, and apologised to her at the end of the episode. He respected what she felt, and was willing to sacrifice his happiness for her. He stopped his behaviour after that and became more chilled and subtle with his crush. Sure he still bickers with Casey like the episode after, but I think that’s just their dynamic/relationship more than it is them fighting for April. My point is, he improved as a person because of HER.

He trusts April to make her own choices and shape her own path and goals in life. An abusive or toxic partner wouldn’t approve of your goals or chosen path, and would instead attempt to steer you away from them in order to change who you are. Donnie however supported April on becoming a kunoiche, and becoming a capable fighter like him and his brothers. He wasn’t at all threatened by her improved growth or skill, nor did he feel the need to put her down or make her weaker just to make himself feel more important. Hell, he even laughed with pure happiness when she took out Tigerclaw with that badass kick, showing that he loves what she’s become, and loves the path she’s made for herself.

He always allows HER to make the moves of affection, and never forcibly kisses her or hugs her without knowing she’s ok with it first. Again, this shows he respects her personal space as well as her wants in the relationship.

He knows when she’s gone too far, and though he does call her out on it, he still does it respectfully. Like the arc with the Aeon crystal and was acting out. He knew the Crystal was making her act that way, and wanted to help her overcome it instead of pretending that it wasn’t a problem. I have more to say on this particular point later, but I’ll wait till I find more prominent examples.

In the Gauntlet, when she broke down after her dad got captured for (I think) the second time, when she went to him for comfort, he comforted her and promised her that they’d get him back. Just like with the first example, he wasn’t trying to take advantage of her state to get with her or anything, he just wanted to be there for her, and make sure she was ok. Not as a romantic, but a friend.

He helped calm her down when she was mad at Shinigami after being beaten, telling her to not let her get to her, therefore calming her down. This is a sign of support of the others feelings and trying to make them feel better.

(This is more of a good thing on both sides as well as just something I find funny and endearing) they both bicker with one another in a banter sort of way. Remember the ‘bait doesn’t talk back’ and the ‘real kunoiche on our side?’ . He may be crushing on her, but that still doesn’t mean he’s not gonna blurt sassy facts at her and bicker with her. He still aknowledges that she has flaws, but as we’ve constantly seen, he still loves her flaws and all.

He apologised and took responsibility for his mistake with the transmitter at the end of eyes of the chimera, trying to make April feel better by even bringing her a hot beverage after the fiasco. This is a sign of looking out for the other and owning up to your mistake that may have hurt them.

Now let’s move onto April:

She apologised to Donnie personally for holding the grudge, and thanked him for sticking by her even when she was mad at him. She wasn’t thanking him for following her or anything like people may think, just thanking him for still being patient and kind with her. Also, while she was holding the grudge, she remembered what he had told her in Target, ‘some things are just beyond our control’. Which may have had a partial role in helping her come to her senses again.

She ALWAYS calls Donnie whenever she’s in trouble or in danger. I’ve seen this labelled off as codependency or her taking advantage of his feelings, but I see it much differently. In my opinion, this shows how much trust she has in him to save her, and help her whenever she needs it.

It was her memories of Donnie that helped her break the control of the Crystal. Donnie unconsciously motivated her be strong enough to defeat Za Naron and break her corruption. She broke through it, and became better, because of him.

She tried her best to get through to him TWICE in the Dream beavers episode. She was gentle and careful with him all the while (well apart from when she was slapping him to wake up, but that was when she was desperate). She was almost always seen by his side, and was close to panicking when he stopped breathing. And as soon as she found out he was Ok, she kissed him. Not for gratitude, not because she needed to make him feel better, but because she was happy he was ok.

When Donnie got injured in Monkey Brains, she told the guys off for teasing him, and was the only one to help nurse him back to health, being gentle and kind with him throughout.

She calls him out on his behaviour when she knows he’s doing something wrong. A lot of people see it as a bad thing when she tells him off for his poor decisions and behaviour, but I see it as a thing their relationship needs. A toxic relationship would most likely have both partnered not aknowledging the bad things that either one has done, and pretending it didn’t happen, or just be uncertain with telling them off. April doesn’t do this with Donnie. She aknowledges when he’s doing something bad, and call him out for it. In Target, she did t sugar coat it or stay silent about Donnie following her. She told him that he was doing something wrong, regardless of his intentions, and that he had to stop and respect that she needed to be alone right now. And like I said, he backed off and never did it again. And again, he improved, because of her.

She got mad at Casey for laughing at Donnie when he was stung badly on Dreggs planet, and was the one to help him back to the ship to be healed. When she knew he was ok, she kissed him again like in In Dreams, simply because she was happy he was Ok.

In Of rats and men, when Donnie told her that they had this covered, she responded with, ‘you always do,’ while smiling warmly, and with him smiling back. Romantic or not, this again shows the amount of respect and trust they have for each other. April instead of insisting she help or stubbornly barge back in, simply showed a sign of trust with him, knowing that had faith in him, and his brothers. This scene alone just shows the trust they have in their friendship, romantic or not, and that’s one of the things that makes them work in my opinion.

In the end of eyes of the Chimera, when Donnie apologised to April for using the transmitter on her, she wasn’t upset with him at at all. She’s said she was glad that Donnie used the transmitter on her because it allowed her to access her powers and learn to use them more. She tried to see Donnies mistake in a positive light, and appreciated him for his help nevertheless. This is an example of appreciation towards a partner, and aknowledging that their intentions are good and seeing them in a positive light instead of being disappointed with them.

For my final words, I just want to put in what the most common definition of an abusive/toxic relationship is.

In my definition, it is any relationship between people who don’t support eachother, where there’s constant conflict, and one often seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition and disrespect, and most importantly, degrade and become worse as people just by being with one another.

And as far as I can see within the examples I’ve listed, both Donnie and April support each other throughout everything bad that happens to them, any conflicts that befall them they manage to get through, and have never purposely sought to undermine or hurt the other.

I want you to look at that last sentence again, and ask yourself: did April and Donnie grow as people or become better with overcoming their problems by being with one another? Because in my opinion, that’s how you really separate a toxic relationship from a good one.

So as for the question, are Donnie and April toxic or healthy?

Well, in my opinion, they DO work together, and their relationship is NOT abusive or toxic in any way shape or form. Both Donnie and April, though they had their flaws in the beginning, unconsciously and consciously helped eachother become better versions of themselves by being there for eachother throughout the series, as I have illustrated with the majority of my points.

And that my friends, is pretty damn FAR from abusive. In fact, that’s pretty much the complete OPPOSITE of abusive.

#tmnt 2012 #analysis #tmnt 2012 april #tmnt leonardo #tmnt apritello #healthy relationships #toxic relationship #reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

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madamtrashbat · 3 years

Text

A couple of thoughts

We doin' okay, Cats family? We're good? Good. I have one last thing to add.

This is kinda about pro- and anti-shippers, but it's really more about fandom culture in general and just my experiences. You can read it, if you want, or not.

Up to you.

I've been doin' this for a while. A good fifteen years at least, closer probably to sixteen. I've been doing things in fandom for longer than some of my mutuals have been alive.

(Oh Jesus)

And there's something I gotta tell you guys, both as a person who has been doing fandom-y stuff for years and for someone who literally has college degrees in English Literature and Creative Writing.

Being an anti is not normal.

And I know that comes across as harsh and mean and it sounds unreasonable but I'd like to explain what I mean by that.

I can trace back being an anti to two main sources: Voltron and Star Wars. I was never into Voltron or really even around anyone who was but I remember the screaming and fighting over the ships, and I remember the hellish crusade that began when people dared to ship Rey and Kylo Ren together. It was nasty, guys. It was absolutely insane that suddenly people were doing this over fictional ships, that people were being sent actual abuse and hatred because someone wanted the broody shitlord man and the unwashed desert scrounger to smooch. Like... imagine that in real time.

I was not, nor have I ever been, a Reylo shipper, but you know what I did, when that ship began, and I didn't like it? I ignored it and went about my day. Because that's how I was taught. Nothing in the fiction world was worth fighting over. It was not worth getting into arguments over. What was the point?

Then the antis got bolder, started branching out, and when people like me started standing up and saying, "Hey, stop being a dick to people!" someone hired the world's best PR machine and suddenly people who were not antis were pedophiles and abusive and incestuous.

How's that for some whiplash.

This anti movement of berating, bullying, harming, and threatening has been their MO, and it's dangerous. And now, they all buy their own bullshit. They actually think people like me are all out here twisting our mustaches like Snidely Whiplash and diddling kids. Without a shred of irony, they believe this.

Proship only labeled itself that as a response to the antiship, and antiship, make no mistake, named itself first. It was not anti-pedophile. It was not anti-incest. It was not anti-abuse.

It was all about disliking fictional ships that other people enjoyed, and thus attacking people over it.

And it's pointless. It's driven a child to suicide. It has gotten people fired. It has ruined careers, livelihoods, friendships. For nothing. For a boogeyman that doesn't exist.

Sex experts across the board all agree that what gives us our jollies is not at all what we want in real life. There's some wild statistic like 70% of women have had a sexual fantasy about rape at least once in their lives. About rape! That act that most AFAB people have a deep ingrained fear of! And we've used it to get off! Because sexual fantasy isn't that deep. Our brains are idiots. And since time immemorial, we as humans have written just the most fucked up shit.

It's even in the Bible. Humans have been nasty forever. And it doesn't mean shit.

It's in the TV shows. It's in our movies. It's in our books. It's in our music, our podcasts, everything. Being an anti is not the way of humanity at all. Ever. Except for like... maybe the puritans but they sucked so who cares about them.

Antis believe a lie. They believe a lie and they hurt people for it. I am not in any way, shape, or form exaggerating when I say I am fearful for those who regularly interact with me, because I am worried that one day the art they make or the "clout" they carry isn't going to be enough to save them from their friendship with me and antis will tear them to shreds. Because that is how they behave. They may not think they're bullies, and they may think they're in the right, but I want you to look up the Youtube RPF kid who killed themselves over anti harassment. Look at that horrible ask I just got. This is how they behave.

And that is what proshippers stand against. It's a stance against bullying, harassment, threats. That is it. There are plenty of proshippers out in the world that would never, ever think of writing anything involving someone underage, or between relatives, or involving anything gruesome. Because that's not what it's about.

Antis are new in the world of fandom, and they are the absolute root of toxicity. I do not exaggerate. They waste the time of agencies actually trying to eradicate CSAM by sending them art someone drew of a teenage character that isn't real. They've driven people to suicide. They've outright admitted to not caring about actual humans as much as they care about fictional ships. They have shown time and time again that they are not above abuse, vitriol, and bullying. There are blogs that post stories from ex-antis who say they were afraid to say anything different than their anti friends for fear of righteous backlash.

I repeat: I am legitimately afraid that my friends are going to get dogpiled and harassed because they dare to be my friend. That fear is not baseless. And it's all because of the way antis act.

I am liberal with the block button. I try to maintain boundaries because I don't want to see any of that shit as much as they don't want to see any of mine (though only a very scant few actually block me back, which is a joke in and of itself). But it still slips through. And I hate it, every time I see it.

Because this is not the way we're supposed to be. We are not supposed to be at odds with each other. We are supposed to share and have fun and be joyful about some people in lycra.

But because some people wanted to put on the pilgrim hat and play Morality Council to someone who's been doing this for years, I gotta tiptoe around people that think I'm actually out in the world diddling children. Do you know how fucked up that is. Do you know how that feels? To not only have someone make that judgment without any evidence, but to tell it to other people who don't know me either?

When someone finally snaps and starts biting back, it's not out of nowhere. And antis never, ever see themselves as doing something wrong. But they are. They are wrong.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

Seriously, just between you and me, come here.

If you think it's wrong to bully someone because of fiction, then you're proship. That is the long and short of it. No more or less. I hate to break it to you, but that is the only definition, and anyone who says it's something else is lying to you for their own gain.

And sure, there are lots of people who try to hide behind the proship label as they do shitty things. But antis do the same. Humans being assholes and trying to blame it on something else is not new.

The fact that people have come to me and told me that the antis have made them feel uncomfortable, that they're afraid if they do something they might view as negative they might receive hate, that people are actually AFRAID of people in this fandom, is not okay.

There was a fandom I was involved in where one of the prominent people actively hated me and I was never afraid of what she would do. I am afraid of the antis in this fandom, though. Because they have teeth and they like to use them.

Fandom isn't supposed to be like this. Nobody should be screaming at teenagers for talking to adults in fandom, infantilizing them like they're not a whole autonomous human. Nobody should be telling someone to kill themselves because they ship Tuggerstrap. Nobody should be afraid of the other people in their fandom.

Antis, if any of them even read this (I doubt it, but just in case), I want you to look around. The people who are neutral are not afraid of what the proshippers will say to them. They are afraid of you. You and your ilk are the ones causing the damage, and you are the outliers in the entire world of fiction. You're a loud minority that thinks it knows better when it knows absolutely nothing.

Ruminate on that.

My blog is still a safe space from bullying, abuse, and nastiness. If someone is being mean to you, you will always find a friend here. And if you can't say the same, then what's wrong with you?

Be excellent to each other. Stop making people afraid.

And sit down and ask yourself what it is you really want when you make vague posts about people and tell people vicious, awful things. What are you hoping to gain.

#long post #important

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tobeornottotc · 4 years

Text

WE BEST LOVE RANT- warning probably is insensitive or whatever but I just had to get it out!

Wasn’t going to complain but I had to because y’all are just filling up the whole tag, the whole drama list, everywhere with negativity about every single thing. If i’m reading the show’s outlines right then look. It’s a trope done before but it’s one that’s important to see. Shide likes to deal with problems on his own because that’s how he grew up, the father probably gave him a different option to end up with Shuyi later, which is to wait until he becomes the owner of his fathers company, Shuyi is on the verge of being promoted to his father’s role hence why the company acquisition storyline is important, but shareholders and others are looking for ways to get rid of him, its why he’s so pressured to fire these people with no emotion, the father probably believed their relationship won’t last, and won’t be worth the eyes on Shuyi looking for reasons to get rid of him. Shide’s promise to the father probably was to back of until that’s sorted which is why immediately he reunites with Shuyi he understands his anger but pretends like everything is normal (because he doesn’t think they’ve broken up, they’re just on a pause for a while), I don’t think he knows about the cheating misunderstanding if he did he would have acted more desperately he just thought Shuyi will have a hard time understanding and would be angry he just didn’t expect him to be so heartbroken since he sent him messages telling him there’s a reason and he should wait. It’s still stupid but Shide wanted a desperate way to let the dad accept him and Shuyi, and to protect Shuyi’s future as ceo, he didn’t want any issues for Shuyi.

As stupid as the story is; it was very Shide to be a noble idiot and do this so people complaining about how tired the trope is, we best love didn’t promise to be a new unique outstanding different BL calm the fuk down. It’s just a normal BL using the same tropes written well and acted well. People all of a sudden shouting and complaining is just so exhausting like stop watching the show if you don’t like watching the same tropes over and over again. Or accept that tropes can be repeated and still be interesting, it’s not lazy writing, it’s not problematic writing because the characters are all humans, they can be flawed, they can make mistakes, the fu*king can act in a way that has already been told to us that they act in, so why are people making people feel bad for wanting to enjoy a good BL? Urgh.

I get that the couch scene is non consensual, I get that we all want PC culture and we want things to be shown that way. It is not okay that the music used was romantic, however the couch scene is not meant to be seen as romantic, it’s not meant to be seen as something that is wanted. Shide is broken at that moment and his most worst angry version of himself, it’s not an excuse, but it’s understandable. And yes I’m allowed to understand why the characters act the way they’re acting, like they have been separated for 5 FUCKING YEARS so there’s a lot of angst, pain, anguish, automatic longing, toxicity that is brewing between them but this is not SURPRISING. The show isn’t saying to anyone this is right? No one is applauding the fact that they slept together because it’s not a good thing. But everyone who’s making people feel bad for wanting to like a scene that represented a predictable character action that was going to happen one way or another, like just stop! No one is bad or a pervert, or wrong for wanting to say that scene was good writing, no one is bad for wanting to say that scene was acted well, no one should feel guilty or messed up in the head for understanding why that scene happened.

Second to all the people feeling triggered, I get you, I understand why non/dubious consent is an issue believe me i understand but at the same time it has been warned time and time again that the 15 minute couch scene was going to be bad, the actors themselves has said it, the tags have been filled with it, it was obvious this was going to happen, if you get triggered by stuff like this, and you know you get triggered by this why watch? why choose to come to the episode and watch, you had time to stop if it triggers you so badly, I’m sorry for being insensitive but I’m also a victim of this so i’m also being insensitive to my self, and I didn’t get triggered, cause I understood why it is was written this way but if I knew this would be a problem i would have listened to the warnings and just backed off.

For everyone else? I mean how else do you think these two were going to confront what they feel when there’s alcohol involved? There’s reasons why the writer used alcohol as a tool to break down Shide, Shide is problematic already and this is him being that way amped up because he has no control. I am not defending ass*ult, or non consent, but I’m tired with all the people who keep saying the people who understand why this scene is written are what’s wrong with the world because god forbid we don’t want to end the show, and send hate repeatedly and negativity because we feel uncomfortable but expected to feel uncomfortable since the beginning of this show? This scene is not a shock? This might be problematic to some people and you can think whatever you want to think about me, but this tag has been really annoying, everywhere apart from weibo and maybe twitter, is just negativity. Just tiring and this is not just about the comments about the scene, or the ass*ult, its more than that, everyone is having a fu*king problem with everyTHINg. Jesus.

will probably delete this later.

#we best love #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #fighting mr.2nd #fighting mr second #bl series #bl drama #shi de x shu yi #gao shide

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harukamitsuki · 3 years

Text

I don't think Lance should have swapped to the Red Lion.

TL;DR at the end.

Lance's connection to Blue was the first connection shown in the series, which makes it all the more meaningful, and it made no sense to the series own rules. Red is temperamental and difficult to control, which is why Keith was her paladin. I have defended Lance's piloting skills in a previous post, but he is not as good as Keith and does not suit the Red Lion. His affinity is water - as emphasised by the start of season 2. Red is aligned with water.

Plus, if he stayed in Blue he would have gotten a proper character arc by living by his own rules and standards and not in Keith's shadow. I know it was supposed to be symbolism - him accepting Keith as leader and not being selfish about it made him qualify as the right-hand man, but the others accepted him as well, despite ribbing Keith about it earlier.

If anyone should have gotten the role as the Red Paladin, it should have been Allura.

Allura as the Red Paladin would, not only make sense narratively, but would also seem right. Colour-wise, she's closer to Red's hue than Blue's, but honestly, I didn't really care about the colour match-up. What is important, is that it would seem like a much bigger deal than Lance accepting Keith as the leader. Lance hates Keith, but that's probably due to being constantly in his shadow and being compared to him, consistently reminded at the Garrison that he was only moved up because Keith was expelled.

Allura, however, has a deeper reason. (Lance's reason is still valid, btw, just not as big as Allura's). She hated Keith for a good portion of Season 2 because he is half-Galra. Obviously, to us, this is a shitty reason to hate someone. It's racism and the show doesn't handle this well. It doesn't handle a lot of stuff well, but whatever. She gives Keith the cold shoulder and Keith knows she hates him. He says so himself to Hunk and doesn't listen to his reassurances. Then again, Hunk was making jokes about something Keith was clearly sensitive about, so that may have had a hand in it too.

Now, I am not condoning her actions. She made Keith feel unwelcome in a team - a family - while he already has abandonment issues, (not that they knew that), and hated him for something he cannot control. Keith probably hated himself for being born. Both of them disregarded the fact that he is still a person with feeling and blood doesn't change that. Hunk too, as much as I love him, was also wrong in his 'Galra Keith' jokes, as if Keith was someone else entirely, when nothing changed apart from their knowledge.

However, what I am saying, is that Allura's reaction was, somewhat, believable and had a genuine reason - and a good one. The Galra Empire completely annihilated her species (as far as she's aware), betrayed the people she loved, and has monopolized entire planets and controlled them - forced them to work and even fight to the death for their entertainment. Apart from Ulaz, she hadn't a single good interaction with the Galra. One good person is not enough to change your opinion about entire races. I know people who are racist, proper racist, to their own race, no joke.

Allura's reaction was actually rather tame, especially compared to how extreme racism can be in the world, even now. She never rose a hand to Keith and kept it passive-aggressive. She gave him the cold shoulder and genuinely hated him, but she never hit him and she never deliberately sent him on a death mission. The Weblum mission was dangerous, but it was also a requirement and she didn't send him in alone. She may have refused to acknowledge his achievements, but she didn't blame him or accuse him of anything. It's likely that, when she saw him, all she saw was Galra. That being said, she wasn't a bad person, simply badly written. There are many people who hurt others for no reason - people who haven't been wronged in any way, but rate a community simply because they exist or they think they're lower than them or less human, which is wrong on so many levels. Allura, at least, had a good reason, though it should have been built on and written better.

In the end, Allura acknowledged her toxic attitude and apologised to Keith. This in and of itself does not make everything okay, but it's more than what Lance did, (virtually nothing except telling Keith that he has to be the leader). Allura knows she was wrong and sets out to make it right, and this development would have been solidified by her becoming the Red Paladin. Like, let's be honest. Lance does not treat Keith right and it's never explained why, in and outside of the show. He's the one antagonising Keith, even during their first proper meeting, and he's the only starting all the arguments, especially in season 2. Keith has been volatile too, I will admit, but he stops his behaviour in the second season. Lance is the one starting everything. Allura, however, stops her behaviour before it takes extreme lengths and becomes a better person and a better friend as a result. It's then that she calls Keith family for the first time, and becoming his right-hand would have shown how serious she was and how far they've come.

Seeing Allura, who, just the season prior, hated Keith's guts, accept Keith as her leader, the Black Paladin, become his right-hand, would have meant so much more. The symbolism goes even deeper. Red's first paladin was Altean and Black's was Galran. Need I say more? (No, but I will). Many of us were incredibly disappointed with the ending of Voltron, especially with Allura dying. The reason she died was to complete the circle, so to speak. The war against the Galra Empire truly started with the death of Allura's father, Alfor, and the entire species of Altea, and the war is finally ending with Allura and Honerva's death. That being said, it was just so insulting and pointless and nobody was happy. Instead of dying to complete the circle, Allura should have survived and broken the chain, for both herself and Red's own paladin tragedy. It was just a huge slap in the face for people who actually powered through seasons 7 and 8 and trusted the show to pull through and get its head together. I know that Shiro was supposed to get Black back, Keith goes back to Red and Allura controls the Atlas, but if that wasn't the plan, then Allura in Red would have made much more sense.

Additionally, the fight in that realm would have been more emotional if Allura was forced to fight her father and bring him back. Lance had no emotional attachment to Alfor, and I know that was the case with Hunk and Pidge, and Allura had attachment to all of the previous paladins, but still. Think about how heart wrenching it would have been for her to face her father, whom she loves dearly. he wouldn't have even recognised her and would have fought her with the intent to kill after his soul was trapped for 10,003 decapheobs/years. (I know they're different, but Allura says 10,000 years even when she didn't know what years were, so I didn't know if that was a mistake or not). Allura would not have been able to fight as well as she did against the Blue Paladin of Old.

Let's not forget that Allura was the one to convince Keith to take up the role of the Black Paladin. Of all the paladins, it was Allura who knew what to say; who knew why Keith was acting the way he was in season 3. Lance saw Shiro as his idol, Pidge as a legend, and Hunk as a mentor. Keith's relationship with Shiro is so much deeper than that. Shiro wasn't the youngest man to be sent into space. He wasn't someone to look up to. He didn't go to the Garrison because Shiro went there - he went there because Shiro convinced him. He doesn't see Takashi Shirogane, piloting prodigy, idol for all. He sees Takashi Shirogane, his best friend and brother, a man he can trust and how can trust him. Nobody else realises how deep this goes. Nobody but Allura. She's the only one to see how much Shiro meant to Keith. She's the one to call him 'irreplaceable' and she's the only one even by the end of the series, who isn't Keith, who has sacrificed something for him. Allura gave up her freedom for him by allowing herself to be captured, and then she gave up the crystal for his arm. Keith has saved Shiro many times, even his clone, and literally gave up his place in Voltron for Shiro. Allura trusts Keith and Keith allowed himself to trust her. She understands his pain when nobody else saw it.

Finally, Allura would have been inheriting Red from her father. Coran has explicitly said that Allura wanted to pilot Red due to her father piloting her. The Lions clearly have some amount of sentience, Red and Black especially. Black only opens themselves to Keith because he of Shiro. The first time, it's to save Shiro from death. The second, it's because Shiro wanted him to become the leader. Red only accepted Keith because he proved himself to her and has saved Keith many times while he's floating in space. She's described as temperamental, which suggest levels of sentience. Obviously, Red would have more of a soft spot for Allura, the daughter of her previous paladin, than she would for Lance, whom she only opens up to well into season 3 and is someone antagonised and even bullied Keith, her current/transitioning paladin. Allura also shows that she's fiercely loyal and is willing to give one up for the team.

Allura has sacrificed her only contact to her father, she has allowed herself to be kidnapped for Shiro, she has constantly exhausted herself for both her friends and strangers such as the Balmerans, she has given up the crystal in her crown for Shiro without hesitation, and she even dated Lance despite not showing any form of romantic attraction previously. (That last one was joke, obviously).

TL;DR - Lance has literally no reason to have become the Red Paladin outside of a rubbish character arc, and Allura has all the reasons. It would have marked an excellent character arc mid-point and would have set up a great ending, if handled well.

I have nothing but respect for the writers of Voltron for their work, especially after all the intervening of their higher-ups that caused many issues, especially regarding Shiro, Keith, Lance and Allura, who were all robbed of excellent character arcs. That doesn't mean I can't hate what came of it.

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