#when they do that they dont even see you as their own child at that point
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just a sagau genshin abt the newest banner (geo & hydro dragon my love) (the creator is self insert) LOTS OF OOC
a/n : written in rush cuz i randomly think abt this after knewing next phase banner and i hope i got both of them, i was gonna added about how i forgot ayato & childe exist when i planning on which dps from each vision should i pull, but they make no sense so i didnt include it.
"I didnt mean to look down on your choice, Your Grace. But, didnt your cousin says itll be better just to pull me...?"
You look at Zhongli with the most unserious, more like silly face, thinking about hes actually jealous of your choice on pulling for Neuvillette.
While it's true you need his shield and he would be the first Geo 5 star you have, but who wouldnt want a hydro dragon pure water tester PLUS a water machine gun to pew pew those enemies!
And more better? You have an unbuild Furina too!
"But my cousin also says he would comeback to genshin to pull for Nupi!"
If Zhongli able to curse, he will.
when will you also gave him a cute, silly lil nickname to him too?
"But like, Your Grace—"
"Shhsshhh"
You quickly shut him, putting your own finger on his lips, making a small blush creep onto the Geo Archon.
Zhongli can feel the side eye Neuvillette gave him as the Hydro dragon sips on his pure water.
"But, Your—"
Seriously, you never saw this version of him thats cant control his own usual calm demeanor, but the version you see is the impatient and insists that his opinion is the best.
Not like he's wrong though.
You put your own finger on you lips now and did a mewing pose, kinda making those two old dragon sigh.
whats wrong with this generation...
"Zhongli, hear me out. Nupi is a nuke, or else should i say Nukelet? Thats suit you isnt it?"
Neuvillette sighed again, but he didnt hide his chuckle about his Creator giving him more silly nickname.
"Pardon me, Your Grace. While it doesn't matter to me that you call me that, but I'm a dragon, not a nuke. I dont boom myself"
"But youre a boomer."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?"
"No."
Back to Zhongli. Hes still thinking countless reason about why you should pull for him.
I mean, his material is easier to get (even if youre the Creator and couldve just easily get everything you want), his talent is useful (SHIELD??? BIG PILLARS???? THROWING BIG ROCKS TO THE ENEMIES?????), he got many fans (BUT ITLL BE USELESS IF HIS CREATOR DIDNT WANT TO PULL HIM), he got many fanfics (HE KNEW YOU LIKE TO READ THEM AND HE WILL HACK THE TUMBLR TO SHOWS UP MANY FANFICS ABOUT HIM ON YOUR DASHBOARD BUT EXCLUDING THE HURT/NO COMFORT BCS HE KNEW YOU DESPISE THEM)
But then he come to a conclusion, as he clapped his hand.
"Your Grace, if Sir Neuvillette have Furina on your team, what about Xiao?"
Fuck he was right. WHAT ABOUT YOUR XIAO????? HE NEED HIS FATHER FIGURE!!!!
"Youve got a point..." you pose like the trade offer meme.
"So, who should i choose now? is it you, Sir Zhongli, or is it you, Monsieur Neuvillette?"
"Uhm, pardon me but, why dont you just get us?" ask Neuvillette, putting his cup on the table.
"Dont you think itll be better, Your Grace? You get two dragons and you also have their companions on your team."
"Monsieur, i dont have that kind of money. Im still in high school, heck, a boarding school! Even if i have guaranteed now, i dont think i can."
"But our banner started on your holidays..."
"Ok now you got another point"
"So, what you gonna do?"
"I'll take two dragon, please"
Perhaps Zhongli should thank Neuvillette for his suggestion.
------------------------------------------------------
another a/n : i post this cuz im at my home, suffering from another sudden sickness (i keep getting nauseous and vomiting plus a bad fever & headache but idk what causes them can anyone tell me 😭) also i have a tooth extraction scheduled on Monday so yeah... wished my future self a good luck
#achi's#achi's writing#genshin impact fluff#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact imagines#genshin impact#genshin self aware au#genshin impact sagau#sagau#genshin x you#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#PHASE 5.2 IS SICK#zhongli#zhongli x reader#zhongli x you#neuvillette#neuvilette genshin#neuvillette x reader#neuvillette x you#genshin impact x you
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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Love being able to write. I can do whatever i want. I can make Ryuji interact w Lala-chan and u literally cant stop me.
#chattin#i feel like shinjuku and crossroads doesnt get enough love#ohya and lala dont get enough love 😭#if they had an option to work there as a parttimer some how my akira wouldve absolutely taken it#u never see the place packed or w customers at all; it just feels cozy every time u go there#akira doesnt have a lot of places free from prying eyes; so id imagine he goes there often to just hang and study#catch up w ohya and get a bit of knowledge and validation from lala#like shes so sweet. i love her. she comes across as wise without being unapproachable#she makes comments she shouldnt (talking about ohyas job and history) bc she just forgot that she shouldnt lol#adamant about not letting him drink while hes there. its like. a safe space for him.#and i think hed like to invite his friends into his safe space; esp ryuji#gets to a point where even ryuji stops by on his own sometimes.#hes got questions but hes always in his head; never says it out loud#but it leads him in the right direction almost all the time#im thinkin of him having like. the most base level internalized homophobia and transphobia#like the kind of shit you just pick up as a child and teen and never question#and u kinda make fun of it bc everyone else is. but akira stumbles into his life and makes it so confusing#like. i dont think hed be trans. but akira would make him second guess alot about himself#about what he likes. what hes into. what hes okay w doing w someone like akira#and lala is like. u got that look in ur eyes kid. come sit.#doesnt entirely get it. but he feels a little lighter. not on labels but on his feelings#‘kid. u think of the ideal person and u think of him. at that point; it dont matter what bits he got.’#and its blunt and MAYBE it gets him a little flustered. but hes always responded well to blunt words. no beating around the bush#makes his brain confront shit head on without the second guessing hed suffer through when left on his own#WAA. rambling.#gonna see if i can draft this up at some point
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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i'm the antonymph of the internet
#how many tributes to this song will i make in my life#MANY ! it literally changed my life and means a lot to me. i love antonymph and vylet pony's music is worth checking out - please do.#unsupervised internet access as a queer neurodivergent kid anthem !!#i chose to do misty since we all know i like drawing her in experimental pieces and putting her in outfits. she also has art in a gir hoodi#from the clash team in treasure trove!! :D#this is also experimental/stylistic as well!! had fun!! nice to just draw something in one day and not worry. leaves me tired but...#haven't done a nice piece like so in one day in a while!!! i'm very proud :] it's a fun one#anyways... both a little tribute to the song and misty as a character#ihave so many thoughts about misty even if i dont talk publicly on them. shes a very interesting character to me and i care about her so#much. i compared her to fluttershy in the past - and realized that if i liked ttcc as a kid she would've been my favorite.#fluttershy on her own meant a lot to me as a child. including mlp itself as it's one of the core things that got me into drawing art online#a lot of my analysis on misty and headcanons at least on the more emotional scale do come from a bit of projecting but...it makes it more#fun to me when i can put myself into the shoes of a character like her who i already relate to. rrghh too bad im scared to talk about her#too much in nuanced detail in public since some people are... not so nice about her. though i know the tumblr audience is nice and unders#standing!!#anyways from me just having fun being me#i let misty have a little bit of fun... something i think she would possibly enjoy? i do see her as someone who gets nostalgic#and is stuck in more childish things and matters. she wants to play ip dip with you...its very sweet to me. letting myself and her be#confident through a song that means so much to me is kind of powerful to me. i had a lot of fun making this drawing.#anyways. love this song. love ttcc. love mity /p. be swag and be self indulgent and have fun. you can do anything u want forevah#toontown#toontown corporate clash#antonymph#guz art#rainmaker
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well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job
#maybe i should just become unemployed. maybe i should just suffer!#recap of todays further events .#that supervisor? who i kinda didnt already like but now absolutely hate?#she came down to confirm that i wasnt leaving. okay . and then she fucking tells me#oh we're going to get another person to help out from this other company. we were going to do that bc we thought you were leaving#but she thinks that even if im staying there should be another person on this floor. bc apparently more has to be done#and there are 'constant complaints' abt this floor . which doesnt make sense to me bc there shouldnt be#and so we're waiting to see what the manager decides but hes on fucking vacation and wont get back until. next week??#she said she was gonna email him and like right after she left i emailed and texted him explaining everything#and trying to very nicely say hey what the fuck are you doing you don't need to hire anyone else#and if im doing a bad job fucking tell me so i can do it better. bitch#and she had the nerve to fucking tell me when she was talking to me#that i wont find an easier job than this one#well if its so fucking easy why are we hiring someone else#by the way getting that extra person from this other company doesnt cost them anything which is why theyre doing it i think#which is making me not feel good abt my own future lmao. like why would they keep paying me when they can get someone for free#and she was saying all this stuff like oh you have it so good here we dont write you up i do all this stuff to help you like . ok#i didnt ask you to come downstairs w the coffee order and if you wanted me to i would come up . god#but the thing of me not being able to find a better job like wow! what if i killed you. for saying that to my face#and she talks abt how shes been w the company 20 years ok and that doesnt give you an excuse to treat me like a child. jesus#anyway im very pissed off and not enjoying my work situation lol. i dont wanna do this anymore#but looking at other jobs im so unemployable. sigh
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People who don't have children shut the fuck up about how to parent challenge.
#unforth rambles#that poll about millenials and children says like 7 percent of us on here parents#i promise if you are not aparent and or have not raised a child#you have no idea how unfathomable hard this is#im begging you to stop thinking you have the least idea what youre talking about#talk to me when youve tried raising a child#until then please just shut up#im so tired of seeing clueless parenting posts with tens of thousands of notes#where any parent who tries to go well actually#gets screamed at and told they're a horrible person#its exhausting#do you even realize how condescending and rude you sound#would you lecture anyone else about their own experience you dont share#you are literally mansplaining parenthood and then getting angry at anyone who tries to say youre wrong#the fucking entitlement i swear to god
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was looking up the only ash wednesday song ive ever loved (offering of ashes. btw. or just ashes. tom conry 1978 i know nothing else about this man except that he wrote this song) (for fic purposes) and stumbled upon a forum full of catholics discussing the revised version that was included in the 2021 hymnal and boyyyyyyyy the trads HATE this song. it was a 70s piece and a bit hippydippy in the sense that, for a catholic song, it is low on guilt and strong on self-forgiveness, and the first guy in the thread just has to point out that the unrevised version was too pelagian to be properly catholic
#pelagianism is one of my favorite heresies and i dont even know how this song could be that#next commenter 'i wouldnt use either in church if you put a gun to my head' third commenter 'i love it when heresy is removed from hymnals'#so far im feeling great about what i want this song to DO in the fic. like i knew i liked her for a reason#she's actively contrary to the spirit of lenten guilt! she's doing her own thing! and she's doing it hauntingly#lots of the commenters dislike the fact that the song contains the refrain 'an offering of ashes' because the ashes of ash wednesday#are not an offering they're *an outward sign of penance*#which even as a child i thought was sort of self-aggrandizing. like ohhhhhhhh we get it you went to church and we all see it#it always made me feel like a guilt trip if i washed mine off#i love when religious folks get SO up in arms about theology of lyrics in songs. girl i think he was just trying to make it rhyme#do you not have bigger things to worry about. religiously?#theology is like grammar. to me. it's fascinating to learn about its history and usage but some people treat it like the laws of physics
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a weird little thing abt me is i will definitely mock shitty ai art but it never feels right doing it about the hands simply by virtue of the fact that a lot of them look indistinguishable from the hands i was doing years ago when i first got a drawing tablet
#like id have the right number of fingers obv but like. putting the thumb on the wrong side#fingers bending weird directions or connecting in weird places#weird anatomy at joints‚ freaky nails‚ bad proportions‚ bad perspective‚ etc etc etc#people say 'this isnt ai like in sci-fi its just machine learning' but to me its a lot more interesting to look at it as#'this isnt ai like in scifi /yet/'#like yeah the stuff ai does in fiction isnt possible at this point but like. i find it difficult not to wonder if this#is the ai version of infancy stages yknow? like.#ppl go 'its cant write its own stuff its just recycling stuff its been fed' as if thats not kinda how people . learn to talk?#idk i just find it hard to agree with arguments that act like where we currently are at is the furthest these technologies could possibly#evolve in our lifetimes#'it just makes things up' you mean like toddlers going on long winding rambles about unicorns and monsters or w/e#'it cant do art good' you mean like a child? or even just literally Anyone who doesnt know how to draw yet?#like. idk. i feel like people are trying very very hard to insist the ai of today is still the same as it was in the clevverbot days#and that its impossible to evolve any further#people want to cling to the old days when ai stuff didnt pass the turing test by a much wider marging than it tends to now#dont want to admit that it does indeed sometimes surpass the turing test and likely would be able to even moreso were it#not for restraints#(see: that one stock trading ai that did insider trading vs various chatbots not bring allowed to write disparaging things#about copyrighted people or w/e)#if ai stuff was still truly indistinguishable from human works then we wouldnt need to spend so much time#hashtag exposing things as being ai generated#and i just think its bad to‚ in pursuit of that‚ mock things that are like. just stuff all beginner artists struggle with#i guarantee you there is not a single artist out there who hasnt drawn a hand that made them want to curl up and die at least once.#i got very off-topic there but swung it back around at the end there so. hashtag win#origibberish
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also worth saying that this is driving me to writing thg fanfic bc I'm genuinely pissed off, but my favourite way of engaging with thg isn't even with canon characters at this point. it's through thinking about two ocs I've had for years that I mentally refer to as "toxic fishermen yuri", and I'm incapable of writing extensively abt anything related to thg that doesn't involve them lol
#toxic fishermen yuri is like:#what if we were childhood friends who grew up together in our working class neighbourhood and knew each other in a way no one else ever wil#but you were being indoctrinated into thinking that our evil fascist government and their child murder competition were actually cool#and that you should totally volunteer for them one day. and even though I unlike you am immune to propaganda I can't abandon you#I'll never abandon you. you're the only person who has ever truly known me and I'm the only person who has ever really known you#so even after you volunteer and I watch you become twisted into something I KNOW you're not and you come back as ghost of your former self#with blood on your hands and a dead look in your eyes I'm still here. I'll always be here. I promise.#even when I become more and more deeply involved in a plot against our government and you become more and more entertwined with it#and I watch you be used and abused by it even as you claim you owe everything to them. and so many ppl I know claim you're a collaborator#a capitol loyalist and a traitor I know you're not. I know you. you had good intentions and did what you thought was right#I know you're just scared. I know you just want to protect people and you're just trapped in a web of you're own making#and given the opportunity? I know you'd take a way out. I know you'd do the right thing. I dont care what you or anyone else thinks.#I'm still here. I can't abandon you even if I wanted to. and I know you won't abandon me#and also we were both girls#anyway. they make me unwell </3 I love toxic homoerotic friendships. I literally can't talk about them or I just. do what you see above#I go completely insane and I know literally no one else will care lol#op
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All relationships (yes, even your friendships) are built on a system of give and take. You give, they take, they give, you take. You should be getting back the energy you are putting in and vice versa. If you feel like you're in a point where all you've been doing is giving and not getting anything back, it's time to rethink where you put your energy.
#kind of a vent thing#i'm just frustrated with things#okay nvm this turned into venting#vent in tags#but also like remember your energy is precious#if you're constantly giving your energy to someone they should probably return the favor at some point#it's one thing if they're going through shit and dont have energy to give back because that's understandable#but when it's been going on for years and you watch them give energy to everyone else#and they have the nerve to preach about spreading good energy and can't be bothered to do it themselves even to so called “friends”#that's when i get pissed off#so yeah fuck off#i'm done spending my energy on you and being treated like a child in response#the only reason i'm even still in your server is to talk to other people lol#like i do not care about your opinions anymore because you clearly don't see my shit as its own thing that i put so much heart into#you only see it as something to boost your stupid ego when it has nothing to do with you and i'm tired of it
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day 874392857 of ??? where i am so fucking tired of this house and the people inside it that killing myself is looking better and better each day :/
#reze stfu#god i honestly. idk what to say#my parents aren't bad in terms of it. they're pretty good as far as parents go#but like. imso fucking tired of being expected to act and talk a certain way. yes. i am your first child#that is exactly the reason i am so fucked up!! because you didnt know how to deal with children when you had me an i was basically a...#idk. an experiment or wtv#I WISH THEY COULD UNDERSTAND THAT !!#i know there is something wrong with me. because i've been told that. to my face. repeatedly#and people wonder why my self esteem is so low :/#maybe if you didnt amke me question my fucking existance i wouldnt be this way. you ever thought of that??#just two more years . i gotta hanf on for two more years. thats all. thats all. and them im our im out of this house#maybe ill like them better when i dont see tjem everyday#god i love being deathly terrified of my own parents. sometimes i dont even think i love them. i think im just so scared of them#that ive deluded myself into thinking that i love them and theyd never do anything to hurt me#despite KNOWING that isnt true#and its worse when my sisters have to deal with the fallout like. im used to being the buffer. i can deal with that. but please please#please dont expect me to parent. dont expect me to take your place. side eyes my father#WHY am i the most responsible person in that house???#you expect me to trust you ??? after you left 2 10 year olds alone in a playground in the hot sun for 3 hours with no food no water no money#no way back home??? and you fucking forgot about them???? and i had to remind you????????#i dont know. maybe im just lashing out. maybe im just tired of being the fuckup#its hard to be proud of yourself when you end up being told that there is something about you that is not right in the head ykwim?#ugh im sorry for ranting i just. idek what set me off and now i have nail marks in my arm and my skin is raw again#and my eyes are bloodshot. so i guess. ill be crying myself to sleep again. yay#that is if i even GET to sleep. i just wasted 20 mins i couldve used to be working having a mental breakdown. fun fun#tw suicide#tw vent
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anyway one more thing and ill shut up about it for a while
someone pointed out how in every single place you can find an iteration of care, shes got a box of crayons.
and that like care virtual pet thing tony was working on in i think? 2013? and posted on twt
shes got em there too
forgive me for looking into it probably too hard, but so much of the story both objectifies and dehumanizes care in various ways. abuse, trauma, the whole loss of eyebrows being symbolic of a loss of identity or sense of self. care NLM covering her face. all that.
its kinda comforting seeing the crayons everywhere like. theyre hers! its something thats hers! its something that doesnt get taken away! everything hurts and they try to erase your entire path and identity through rebirthing and amnesia but you still have something thats yours! they failed to erase you entirely and theyll never be able to!
#tongue#petscop#it also makes me think of paul and being trans and people sround you trying to stomp that out of you#care covering her face only to be told 'those eyes that nose. its still you'#'youre not lost. stop wandering and come home'#'i called you several times and you didnt come. do i have the wrong name here?'#stubborn about it because its not something someone can just stomp out of you#physically or emotionally#even if the awful people in your life think they can beat the transgender out of you it doesnt ever work#youre still a boy even if they wont stop calling you by the wrong name#even if theyre controlling snd try to keep you under their thumb for your whole life you still have something to hold onto#something thats yours#its your box of crayons#its identity that theyll never take away even if they think they did#when they do that they dont even see you as their own child at that point#its like a daughter is just a thing to them#hence the whole objectification thing
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I hate it here
#vent tag#i just want to have PRIVACY#i just took a bath and got all excited bc ''yay no ones in the bedroom rn and that means i can dress in peace ^_^''#boy was i fucking wrong . the second i stepped into my room my grandma followed after me because she wanted to use the charger???#the charger that we had in OUR room????#this bitch does not give 2 shits about our privacy. she will come in like its nothing WHILE IM CHANGING#i tell her im uncomfortable and she just tells me im being too sensitive like?? is it sensitive to NOT WANT PEOPLE TO SEE YOU WITHOUT#CLOTHES ON??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME#I DO NOT CARE IF WE ARE FAMILY YOU ARE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY OWN HOME#PLEASE JUST LEAVE W THE CHARGER IF ITS WHAT YOU WANT#i was so happy abt being alone too bc it barely ever happens that i get to dress up in peace#even if i lock the door... they'll just either force it open with a key or bang on the door till i respond#i dont want to live w these people anymore man.#im getting my own room soon but i can alr imagine them doing the same thing anyway#please just leave me alone im not 8 anymore PLEASE#AND STOP USING THE ARGUMENT THAT YOU USED TO BATHE ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG!!! Im not a toddler anymore#and i get uncomfortable now#+ the fact that my grandma often comments on how chubby i am#i cant trust her anymore#im sorry if it seems like im whining like a child abt this im just in a bad mood rn :( it'll be fixed in a bit
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i have to be honest. i was filling in for a third grade book club this morning and i read up to the first seven chapters of the book (which is where they were) while i was on my half-hour break and i was thinking. man i do not agree with some of the messages in this book lmao.
#third grade angels by jerry spinelli#the cool teacher character tells them they're ALL responsible because two kids ripped up a woman's hat#fighting over who would give it back to her so they could be 'angels'#i get explaining intervene-when-you-see-something-wrong to children#but literally what could a child have done to intervene that wouldnt escalate that situation with their classmates?#tales from diana#there are some interesting messages in the book. i dont love the writing style (I GET IT'S JUVENILE ON PURPOSE it just bothers me lol)#(it's not the age demographic that it's clearly targeted to that bothers me. it's the tone. it tries to be cool in some weird ways)#(cant really explain wo going into page specifics... take my word for it it's weird)#but one of the things about being an adult working w children is telling them to mind their business sometimes. lmao#like if two children are getting into an argument--even if one child is clearly instigating it--you want the ADULTS to handle it or#for the kids themselves to work it out. you don't want to expand the situation outward. bc usually the kids aren't mature enough to handle#it on their own. understandably!#and these quarrels often end up distracting the whole class and you want to prevent THAT just as much as the quarrel itself.#but the whole class in that book scene was either fighting to do this woman a favor or just ignoring it#and ignoring it is frankly what they should've done#just let the woman pick up her own damn hat#idk it's a weird book#unrelated but on recess duty one of my after school kids from last year told me how much she misses me :'''''')#i miss them all too. my after school job was awesome. it didn't have enough hours to justify doing it forever but i loved it#my boss was a pretty good man too#he's retiring at the end of the year + so is one of my coworkers who i talked to today on recess duty#it was also nice to catch up w her. love talking 2 sherry.
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i honestly deserved none of the shit ppl did to me that lead me to this point
#yall made a victim bitter and hate everyone. congratz ig. keep convincing yourself its somehow activism.#me saying a slur i shouldnt have in 2013/14 bc the ppl around me irl normalized it to me and that repelling people online from me?#understandable. everything else? yeah you can all fuck yourselves with a rake.#plus- that was literally 11/10 years the fuck ago. do you really genuinely believe in all of that time that im still fucking saying it#the only way you could believe that is if you thought I was some sort of secret strategic right winger whos planning ???? something#god the fuck knows what it would even be#if you think im somehow tainted bc of that past I think you might be a lil controlling of a person#im sorry no one is a pure person who never does wrong. get over yourself bc you sure as fuck arent perfect my good bitch#it was 11/10 years ago AND i was a fucking kid. yeah. i think im bound to make mistakes bc of the inherent ignorance of being a child.#i dont think that deserves to be held against me my entire life especially since I now heavily disagree with the reasoning for why#i thought it was ok to say in the fucking first place#yall just want an eternal punching bag and thats really it.#i could become a fucking saint and it wouldnt matter bc dur he said bad word 11 years ago worst thing anyone could do ever fer sure#yall are impossible to please and its why no one but the people you've guilted and manipulated gives a fuck about trying.#and even they eventually see it for the bullshit it is.#yall want someone to control and do everything you say. not for people to become better to others. you dont give a fuck#you auth piece of shit.#thats why i had to learn that slur was still bad to say offline. bc all the people online wanted to do was control my actions#tell ME what to do. tell ME what to draw. when they have no fucking right to TELL ME what to do. you can ask- im more receptive to being#asked to not do something. but any type of behavior control? good fucking luck. you think I failed highschool just bc of the bullying#n shit? nah its bc I dont like being ORDERED to do shit. and I never fucking will! and theres nothing anyone can fucking do to#make me do shit and if they try to force me to do shit they're controlling as fuck and authoritarian.#i have learned SO MUCH more on my own volition and desire to learn vs when I was TOLD that I HAD to.#all my life ive rebelled against this shit. you bet your ass im not about to stop with yall. ask me like im a fucking person#not TELL me to do something like im a fucking slave to your whims.#fuck you
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