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Jamie: Why are girls allowed to say girlfriend to refer to a platonic friend, but I can't say this is my boytoy twink malewife Colin?

Roy: You could if you weren't a fucking coward.

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Moe: Nobody traps Sims in a doorless room and watches them die anymore. Consequence of microplastics?

Thierry: Now women just download sex mods and use the Sims as porn.

Richard: Not just women. Sometimes, I can't with how unethical and fake porn is. I found a Sim that looked like my most recent ex, masturbated to her while crying. One of the lowest points of my life.

Isaac: You don't have to admit this.

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Ted: Beards' father actually died in Kansas' annual hot dog eating competition.

Beard: Yep. The runner up shot him.

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Colin: Do you think you can play a gay man?

Isaac: I'm terrible at lying. I'm terrific at make-believe.

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Roy: Not much could ruin today.

Ted: Howdy Roy!

Roy: Goddammit, I forgot saying that summons him.

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Colin: Jan Maas is a unique guy. I'm so blessed to have met him.

Jan: Colin's an idiot.

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Moe: The psychiatrist diagnosed me with divine madness.

Beard: Any other diagnoses you'd like to share?

Moe: Autism.

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Richard: Talk Dirty to me...

Jan: 77 people died across three countries due to the Order of the Solar Temple. The deaths were a mixture of murders and suicides, with some still contested as to which they were. It was also the catalyst for France, your home country, cracking down on cult activity.

Richard: Oh, that's the good stuff...

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Ted: Jamie's going to be okay. I made him a pb&j. He said he didn't want it so I ate it.

Ted: He was still sad so I made him another pb&j. He didn't want that one either so I ate it.

Ted: Anyways, Jamie wants to be alone for a little while, and we're all out of peanut butter.

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Colin: Richard was upset with Jan so Jan bought him a Mercedes.

Isaac: Woof.

Colin: And if you're suggesting I buy my way out of the problem, the answer is no. It's the cowards' way out.

Jan: Oh, so I'm a coward.

Colin: Yes.

Jan: Fine. But I'm a coward with a hickey.

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Ted: I think I'm going to dip my cookie in this con queso dip

Beard: That's disgusting. I'm going to do the same thing.

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Isaac: Happy gay month cause you know you gay and stuff

Colin: Okay, thank you Isaac

Isaac: Here you go gay balloon cause it got all the colors cause it's gay

Colin: Isaac-

Isaac: and I got skittles cause it got a rainbow on it

Colin: Okay

Isaac: and I got the cookie cake it says “be who you are”

Colin and Isaac: for your pride

Colin: Thanks, this is my Pride Month- why did you do this? Why are you doing this?

Isaac: why cause you're gay

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Roy: Hey Colin, don't forget Valentine's Day is coming up.

Colin: How dare you? As if I would forget such a special day.

Roy: I'm just looking out for Isaac.

Colin: Hey, Isaac will be very happy when February 27th comes.

Roy: It's on February 14th.

Colin: ...I knew that.

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Isaac: Well, no one knows for sure, but that's what I think happens when we die.

Will: It sounds nice. Especially the part about rolos for breakfast.

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Beard: We've got to find a way to cut down on expenses. What can we live without?

Roy: Probably Jamie.

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Roy: Jamie, I don't hate you.

Jamie: But you think I'm an idiot for dating Colin.

Roy: No, that's not why I think you're an idiot.

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Ted: Okay, give me your hair dryer.

Keeley: What?

Roy: What are you talking about?

Ted: Don't you carry one in your purse?

Roy: Have you ever met a human woman?

Ted, on the phone: Hey, do you carry a hairdryer in your purse?

Rebecca: Of course. I'm not an animal.