#when there has. and i say this quite literally. been gay people on the firefighter show from the BEGINNING.

[james-spooky]

this is a test

[scattered-winter]

like ok I'll fucking say it. the only real difference between tommy and marisol and taylor (all three are love interests who made appearances on the show before becoming love interests, and I would wager a guess and say that tommy and marisol even arguably have a similar amount of screentime) is that marisol and taylor are women. like y'all are so fucking transparent when you only care about a character if it's a man kissing another man huh

the way that every single female love interest within kissing distance of buck or eddie always gets so so so SO SO much hate from every direction but tommy has had nothing but endless headcanons and fics and adoration right off the bat genuinely makes me feel insane. like i can't be the only person seeing this play out in real time right. hello can anyone hear me out there

[lemotmo]

I’m honestly really worried right now with how nasty this has all gotten so fast.

I feel so bad for Oliver. His entire storyline he’s waited years to tell has now completely been hijacked from start to finish thanks to Lou and his cult.

The disgusting things being said about Oliver. About Ryan. The show itself. All with Lou liking and engaging with them playing up the poor me card with them.

Like they are literally demanding Oliver be written off the show as punishment and any future Buck scenes they already filmed scrubbed out. I saw a few say deport Ryan back to Mexico and then write Eddie off by sending him to Texas permanently and send Buck with him. Some saying Lou should have been kept on and Oliver let go.

Like it’s all insane. And none of them deserve it because they didn’t do anything wrong. No one misled or promised or lied. They have been open and transparent about BT from the start. Tim literally said at the very beginning this was an entry level relationship. No wedding bells.

I’m also getting worried the network is going to pull the plug on buddie because even if it’s not us doing it, they might not wanna deal with the insane blowback these people are causing and will cause when buddie happens.

Don't worry Nonny. Like I said before, Oliver will be fine. Ryan will be fine.

Oliver has disabled comments on his post on Instagram because he knew exactly what was coming. They are both probably avoiding social media right now, but I'm also certain they'll be back as soon as the worst is over.

The show never made any promises about BT. On the contrary, they made it very clear, since day one, that Tommy was there to be a plot device. Eddie was all over the BT narrative in both seasons. In season 8 BT were still in the same place they ended in season 7. There was no growth whatsoever. Also, there was no buildup at all for them. Tommy just existed next to Buck in episode 5, but there wasn't one single sign of physical affection. Even in episode 6 there was only a cheek kiss. It reminded me of Eddie kissing Ana when he returned home after the shooting. A single cheek kiss. We all know how that relationship ended.

I wouldn't worry too much about the network. It seems bad right now, because they are all being loud and obnoxious, but the BT fandom is actually quite small compared to the Buddie fandom and the general 911 fandom. Their voices will be drowned out by all the positivity in the end. These BT stans will stop watching the show, but it won't even make a dent in the ratings. There's only a few hundred of them.

I checked Instagram and I've already seen so many positive comments, saying it was one of the best episodes of season 8, praising all the actors and crew for their hard work.

So don't worry. ABC knows exactly what Buddie could mean for the show. It would most definitely increase the popularity. Bi Buck already brought in a lot of people (some of them who have already left us again since Thursday evening), but a lot of them are here for the bi representation and they are here to stay.

So imagine how crazy things would get if Eddie would turn out to be not so straight after all and very much in love with his best friend? And Buck finally figuring out who he really wants?

The episodes leading up to them finally getting together would draw in so many new people who heard that those two 'gay firefighters from 911' are finally getting together after 7 loooong seasons.

ABC doesn't care about a few hundred people throwing a tantrum under a social media post. They do care for ratings and making a profit. That's it.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Tell you one thing though: After what he has done? Lou will never ever work on anything for ABC again, which means that we won't ever see him back on 911 and that's a beautiful thing. 😏😆

[laylawatermelon]

70.6 - 7.07 Speculation/ Buddie Meta

I am a writer y'know hehe

So, Buddie is happening.

Now let me explain.

Bi buck always existed, but the problem is that most of his consistent emotional relationship one could argue realistically romantically has been with a man he's known for years.

But has always been bi yes, but he's also been in love with his best friend for a really long time.

Friends to lovers where Y'all at? I see y'all madney truthers

Anyways I understand but what has kind of been bothering me is the fact that Buddie the ship has been abandoned/negated as not an important past of the puzzle for bi buck realization despite the fact that Eddie is physically present throughout his entire relationship/storyline.

I could argue that because they're mirrors to each other (corny soulmate type shit is perfect for network tv) this is the best way to ease people into it.

Buck and Eddie are the two beloved firefighters (and respective sex symbols). They have an appeal for the straight audience for that reason.

Lou already spoiled it but he's only here for a while.

There's been almost blatant explanations and dialogue that leads to the fact that this relationship is going to directly lead into buddie one way or another.

Tommy has from the beginning suspected that Buck (I'm calling him Evan in my head in regards to him and it's so weird 😖) and Eddie have an unusual relationship or that Buck is in love with Eddie at least.

(MY attention? is the biggest example.)

My prediction is that their mirrors of each other, the parallels, and red flags pop up too often now.

I know they're still writing the show and are likely watching audience engagement and ao3 (I'm watching you Tim ik you're here I'm new but ik you got shooters out here) for where to go with the story.

In Eddie's (frankly oddly portrayed) plotline is related to his Catholic guilt and his nonexistent relationship with Marisol (no last name?). As the episode maybe suggests they don't know their partners well enough.

Shame to Eddie because it's been months in universe like come on man. In Buck's it's literally been a few weeks, and most of the time Tommy spent with Eddie and not with him.

I like them as a couple and find them affordable. I can't quite bring myself to ship them or be as enthusiastic as others and that's okay.

I still admire the relationship they have and won't bash others for enjoying it.

Hell they still have Taylor and Buck enjoyers and maybe even Abby (i assume I haven't met any honestly).

The reason why I'm a bit confused on why Buddie isn't being all that embraced as a vital part of the storyline is because in a way it is.

I think it spurred the writers on to lean into it heavily due to the actors chemistry and portrayal of the relationship.

Now I'm not saying he wouldn't be bi regardless, because he's always been written that way.

His interactions with worm guy, a gay married couple, Carlos (who I've been waiting to say this but I can't hold myself any longer is Latino, shorter than him, brown eyes, dark hair - Eddie lite/he had a bit of a type aka cute guys.)

I clocked him flirting with him with his cute fact spilling as a way of affection because I do it to to people I love. (🤗i love my ADHD rep!) When he saw him look at the girl he became more platonic in his interactions. Then there was Eddie.

And Eddie honestly is the biggest part of the puzzle.

Yes he likes Tommy, and I don't deny he likes strong confident (suspiciously Eddie shaped 😂) guys.

He has always been attracted to strong personalities regardless of gender.

I do think he did pursue him and I think because Tommy is gay he recognized the flirting Buck does with both men and women as that, flirting.

Eddie doesn't count cause he has a whole can of worms he gotta figure out himself.

If Buck had consistent scenes with an out queer man on the show he'd have been at least clocked. (Eddie was kind of in the way with Josh and the Dispatch crew/his gaydar pinged a lil around him)

I've been saying that now that he's canonically bisexual and it's a known fact, you can't deny he's quite literally been flirting with his best friend the entire show (as a coparent??? Idk man they both said they skip steps/impatient 🤷🏾‍♀️).

When new fans watch it it's obvious, when older fans recall it it's either enlightening or redefining that relationship regardless.

The red flags that are coming up is Eddie's statement of moving too fast and Buck literally moving to fast with his second date (i assume idk how in world time works it's a tv show 🤷🏾‍♀️) being his sister's wedding.

Realistically I know you only invite people to events like that if you're fully committed to each other for a long term thing.

I'm not saying that he's on his wheel but in a way I'm tilting my head at some similarities of Tommy and his past relationships and Buck's tendencies.

Buck will be Buck.

Tommy knows him as Evan, and calls him such.

Which didn't get me wrong cute or whatever but rubs me there wrong away, because we know he prefers Buck as it's his chosen name for a reason. It's defined him and been contextualized and even accepted by his parents.

I believe in calling people the name they choose to be called and I just don't like when that's ignored.

It also doesn't help that he continues to call him that in an episode called You don't know me (you can Even tie it in to Marisol No last name) that deals with identities and lack of knowledge.

Buck has spent most of his remaining twenties with that identity and has defended it so the casualness of him calling him that unnerves me.

It's meant to close the distance and be portrayed as romantic but it can also be interpreted as him seeing Evan, not Buck when with him.

But I did see a post that changed my perspective on calling a name with love instead can recontextualize the meaning of it and I found that sweet and fitting. In that case I can swing either way about it.

If it does make him more accepting of that side of his identity that's great that he's beginning to heal from a path when his name/personhood was used as a weapon or item.

But, I also still feel a bit iffy that it's not interchangeably used with Buck because his family and everyone he knows calls him that. Even his previous romantic partners did and I didn't mind him being called it but I would like it if both names would be used as that is the new part of him where Evan exists as well.

Also narratively they spent too much time on defining his name and what it means to him and everyone around him to not show the importance of his identity being acknowledged in a new unfamiliar relationship.

(whew i think I'm just mad at the writers or this may just be on purpose who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️)

I'm getting to the meta I promise I'm just finally processing what's been plaguing me about this relationship and i gotta let the monster out

That would also explain why he doesn't know the ADHD rants that Buck blabs on about.

But then again the episode is called you don't know me and they weren't even friends he just jumped into a relationship.

(ps you can just start dating someone and learn as you go I'm just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️)

The biggest problem with their relationship is that he's in love with his best friend.

He literally only began to open up and flirt when he realized that he wasn't a romantic threat to his family.

(Which trifling Buck! Your man can't get wined and dined?? He deserves love too!/j)

He literally relaxed/his shoulders open up when Tommy assures him that his son still loves and idolizes him and that Eddie still likes him and he's irreplaceable in his life.

After that's secured he begins to make his move and become more flirtatious (cough sexually open cough) to this confident man in his kitchen in the dim lights and glowy atmosphere.

Damn I'd kiss him too 🤷🏾‍♀️ (if I was a guy ofc)

I also didn't like the parallels of Buck being left (which has happened with his female love interests) and then Buck still having to reach out.

I don't think Tommy is bad for Buck, but I'm still not convinced that he's 100% good. But then again he's been here literally a two episodes and barely any screentime.

And the one he does makes it seem like he's interested but not too invested.

(which makes sense and I will elaborate a bit later in the meta speculation)

The Tommy that everyone is talking about exists solely in fan spaces and head canon and that's why I think I can't get into it. The facts of him are plain in the show but in the fan spaces he has a different image.

Which valid, once again he's almost a blank sheet of what we wish a Buck gets and deserves in a love interest but that's what he is as of now. A blank-ish sheet. Kind of like a projection sheet for movies.

Tommy seems like a caring partner and sure of himself. He's shown himself to be funny, considerate, and as unhinged as the rest of the 118 (ah the fruity fire badasses).

Also i wanna point your Buck likes em a lil older sometimes haha

But back on topic, I can see Tommy being like Natalia (which makes sense as that storyline could've been used) In the fact that he sees that the space in his life is occupied and respectfully backs out.

My meta for 7.06 is this.

Tommy helps out somehow. Buck is ecstatic rightfully so.

They kiss dance and are cute.

The family is very welcoming, the 118 is still loving, but then he sees something that affirms his suspicions.

It's a normal scene for us.

Either Buck is taking care of Chris and then talks to Eddie.

He sees the look in Buck's eyes and the fondness there. He looks at Eddie and sees the same on his face.

He notices how they work together and laugh, them at the family and life he's built all around him, and decides he can't be apart of this. There's no space for him.

It feels too real too fast and he'll only end to heartbroken because he's just interested, not invested yet.

So he gracefully bows out and let's him know that he has enough love in his life if he'd just look for it.

(i also found out he used the word interested in the cafe scene where i recognized it as the ana date. Also Buck was wearing a white patterned shirt and i had a heart attack because it wasn't great the last time he wore it 😬)

Then it leads into ghost of a second chance.

(now imma say this i will be posting more specs about the these episodes I'm just on my buddie storyline juice rn)

This is now Buck trying to salvage/figure out what went wrong and maybe try to contact him again.

In the case of Marisol it's safe to assume they break up, the reason why isn't clear.

It could be related to his sisters disapproval of their relationship (as they're supposed to be coming out did the show forget??) or apprehension towards her as they've been raised/watched him grow up.

They know what makes him happy.

For ghost a second chance I didn't have much buddie assumptions but I'm pretty sure that one is more in relation to other members of the cast most likely and maybe Buck trying to salvage his relationship.

7.08-10 isn't complete so who knows🤷🏾‍♀️ how they must switch it up for more drama?

But I will say, we gotta dive into the Eddie of it all.

Y'all thought I forgot about him?

The bi Buck storyline isn't complete without Eddie either romantically or platonically.

In real life their queer storylines were always interchangeable and they're both feeling out the GA and fans reaction.

Buddie not going canon doesn't make sense because realistically it's one of the biggest ships and the most talked about things for the online fans.

It's a good reason many fans started (me included🙋🏾‍♀️) and stay (if the beautiful found family didn't hit it for them).

The way that they were both discussed and Ryan is fine with Buddie still kind of matches his character honestly. Demi Eddie is a head canon and honestly Eddie would only be comfortable with dating a man at this stage of his life if it's someone he loves already aka Buck.

There could be other reasons but as a Buddie warrior truther (as they named it which is still so insane) as his old interviews alluded to the fact that he loves Buck so much he can't really see himself with another guy he just met like that.

He also maybe wanted a easier storyline as he had always been a bit of a heavy character.

For women it's easier as he's raised to do it and it's "natural" or right for him to do so.

His parents said it, the church says it, God says it so it must be right.

He loves commitment, has said he's a nester and constantly yearns for a family unit.

The only family unit he knows of it feels is acceptable due to his upbringing is man, woman, child.

Not that he's homophobic cause duh, HenRen is literally there, but his standards and pressure doesn't even let him fathom it for himself.

It's also likely if the demi part is true, he's highly unlikely to be like Buck and view others sexually and even realize he's able to have a family/relationship with a man.

I suspect no Buddie this season. I actually hope and pray for it.

Because from both a business and story point it's best to keep the will-they won't-they into season 8 to keep viewers engaged/tuning in and not to rush the story and get some really good emotional moments.

I won't lie I miss the angst we got in the other seasons and as a result the show's identity with Eddie has faltered a bit.

I didn't love episode 5 but I didn't hate it. I still enjoy the show and if they feel a bit unusual it's okay.

There were still some great moments in it.

Eddie's character is now happy but as a result he's also somewhat unfamiliar (that speaks to the whump heavy storylines he has) as he seems less mature. You can argue now that he has a stable support system he's able to let loose because he knows his needs will be covered.

That's also a great point and easy way of showing his development.

His Catholic guilt now that it's been introduced will have to be deconstructed as he will have to redefine his life, what he's looking for/allow himself to be and dare to dream of a life not given to him by someone else or pressure.

This season he's only just started to accept things that make him feel good (which for now is Marisol) and be open and honest about it.

I can argue it is a great sign of improvement of his character.

A bit ooc portrayal yes, but the message of looking deeper still applies.

This can apply to Buddie probably leading through the next half of season 7 by being ramped up and then going full speed ahead season 8.

At the time though since they're still writing they may take a hard right turn and keep it platonic (😭).

But what would be inevitable is Eddie's coming out/self discovery arc that isn't tied to the church or sense of duty.

Which yay! More self discovery I love the message of finding yourself lasts throughout your life and due to life's unexpected events you can change to be a better version of yourself all the time.

We got bi buck (which evidently was influenced by Eddie in some way) now let's free Eddie to even if they didn't do it for Buddie (once again😭😭😭).

Now that I've got it mostly off my chest I'm definitely gonna do an analysis of the parallels and the way it's played pt.2 (and more as seasons passed cause Ryan and Oliver 😘 muah 10/10 no notes).

Okay bye.

[duckielover151]

Some Thoughts on 911 Lone Star (Episode One)

I'm not planning to write up something for every single episode... just the ones that I feel really leave me with something to say. But definitely, to kick this rewatch off...

This is the type of show that smacks you in the face with its diversity agenda by the time the first episode is half over. And it's great. It just got me thinking how-- after Buck being announced as bi in the original 911 went viral, I saw people who were otherwise unfamiliar with these series starting to refer it as the 'gay firefighter show.'

Maybe this first episode blurb is more me trying to sell it to new fans than anything else, but honestly: both 911s were always 'gay firefighter' shows. If you're looking for a new series that's heavy on the diversity, look no further.

Just... to give you a little bit of a run-down on this spin-off's premise and these characters:

We open in New York City with Captain Owen Strand being approached by the fire chief from Austin, Texas about relocating there to help rebuild and repopulate a firehouse that recently lost all but one of its members in an accident on a call. Specifically, they're looking to diversify the force. They kind of skirt around coming right out and saying they got into legal trouble for not being inclusive enough but... you get the picture. Owen, fairly tactfully, points out that they're not exactly off to the best start, going to a straight white guy for the job, but they want him to lead this effort for one big reason: Owen once had to rebuild his own firehouse from scratch, after he lost his entire crew during 9/11. Something that has longer-reaching effects for him, as he's recently been diagnosed with cancer.

This opening episode does kind of give him a white savior type of vibe but... I didn't think it was too obnoxious. This time around, I have 4 seasons' worth of hindsight to be able to share that there is quite a bit more to his character: Owen's a good leader. But on a personal level, he can be almost childishly competitive and stubborn to the point of self-destruction. He is occasionally frustrating to watch... but generally a really likable character. As for the rest of the team:

TK Strand, Owen's gay, recovering addict son, Marjan, a Muslim woman, Paul, a black trans man, Mateo, a dyslexic Mexican American and Judd, who was the sole survivor from the accident and is dealing with PTSD at least in this first season.

And it doesn't stop there, but I think the point has been made for an initial rundown.

I think it's important to note that-- while a pretty big deal is made of their differences in this first episode-- literally being part of the premise of the pilot-- none of these characters feel diverse in a token sort of way. They've all got strong personalities and character quirks... Even when those differences are the focus of one of their plot points, who they are always takes precedence over what they are.

I actually went and rewatched this one first... so I haven't seen the pilot for the original 911 in several years, but I remember that one getting off to kind of a rough start. I love them both but I definitely feel like Lone Star is stronger from the beginning. It started, like, 3 seasons into the original's run, so the showrunners had some time to test out what worked, get a feel for the writing, etc. (I actually totally forgot that the Tarlos romance started right in with episode one. I saw Carlos eyeing up TK after the car accident call and then later in the bar... I feel like maybe the fandom has rewritten my memory a bit, because I definitely remembered TK being the bolder one.)

Anyway, I've fallen deep down this hole and am really looking forward to reliving it.

[deanxcasficrecs]

Over 100K, part 2

Me too, Misha, me too. 

Hi everyone. Back again, this time with more fics from my over 100K favourite folder. I mean, holidays are coming up somewhere in the near future so there’s time to go out and live your life, or just stay inside and read. Pick the one you prefer. Who am I kidding, we all are going to read fics of our OTPs having amazing Christmas. 

This Christmas by the way requires a Christmas rec, so share your favourite Christmas fics and I promise to read those and make one hell of a list with those and my own Christmas fics. – Admin J

Title: Freefall

Author: lastknownwriter

Rating: Explicit

Words: 128,538 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: The kindergarten teacher Dean and firefighter Cas make my day. I love omega Dean, and bottom Dean, and I love this Dean too. No worries, though, Dean’s not a sissy. He’s a cool kindergarten teacher, I promise you. By the way, please note that the fic has been removed from AO3, so reading is a bit more complicated now.

Summary: AU. The most exciting kindergarten teacher Dean Winchester’s life ever gets is when he plays mechanic in his uncle Bobby’s shop on the weekends. That is until a birthday party goes tequila-nova and he trips into a one-night stand with an incredibly hot firefighter named Castiel. Dean’s life gets a lot more exciting after that.

( Read here )

Title: Smiling Out of Fear

Author: thepinupchemist

Rating: Explicit

Words: 117,494 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: I’m not a huge fan of HS AU fics, but this one is an exception. I love it how Cas isn’t a crying sissy but instead a hooligan like Dean. That’s the Cas I personally like (the Cas of the show is not a sissy, so I don’t quite get why so many people write him like that). Also, the last sentence of the summary makes me cry. Like, literally :’D

Summary: Castiel Novak is a product of the system, having gone through too many foster homes since the age of seven. At fourteen, he lands himself in Sugar Lane Mobile Home Community, under the care Missouri Moseley. There, he meets one Dean Winchester. A story about teenage hooligans, growing up, and finding home.

( Read here )

Title: Pick It All Up

Author: thepinupchemist

Rating: Explicit

Words: 126,611 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★  

Admin J’s notes: Who wouldn’t love the veteran Cas? Thought so. Also, the veteran Cas and the prostitute Dean. I don’t think I need to give you more reasons to read this. Except maybe that it’s really, really good. 

Summary: Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother’s apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is – a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

( Read here )

Title: A Disarranged World

Author: MarmeLady_Orange

Rating: Mature

Words: 116,659 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: As you may know, I’m a sucker for daddy!Destiel, so I was very happy with this fic. Also, I liked the characters very much, and I didn’t get bored with the plot at any point (which sometimes happens to me with long fics). If you’re in need of good old case fics, try this.

Summary: Four months after the Fall, Sam recuperates - the natural way - at the bunker while Dean hunts alongside a very human Castiel. While investigating a bizarre case involving children in Minnesota, they meet a six-year-old foster girl who turns out to be sought after by bought angels and demons. Trying to help the world find a balance again, but adding an adopted daughter in dire need of protection and a budding relationship to the mix might just make things a tad more difficult for everyone.

( Read here )

Title: The Dance of Inanna

Author: PeppermintWind

Rating: Explicit

Words: 106,178 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: This one right here is one of my all time favourites. I don’t even know what to say. The summary says pretty much it all. It has top Cas, too. No, seriously, I think that this fic is better than some seasons of the show, no kidding.

Summary: “Hey Sammy? You didn’t happen to start an apocalypse while I was in Purgatory, did you? ”

Or: After the disappearance of the One, pagan gods are fighting over who gets the world. Alliances are forged and broken, Zeus and Enlil form a bromance, Odin teams up with Isis, Loki probably has an evil plan, Artemis ponders second-wave feminism, Crowley is amused, the angels are not, Inanna has opinions, Don is a Carver Edland fan. And Dean and Cas aren’t fooling anybody.

( Read here )

Title: Into Your Hideaway

Author: thepinupchemist

Rating: Explicit

Words: 176,557 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: This fic is one of the big reasons I love alpha Cas so much. I take no bad comments on this topic. No, but seriously, I get back into thinking this fic quite often. It’s a quite brutal description of how we treat other human beings we don’t see as equal, even if, hopefully, in the civilized countries it’s not this brutal. These human right questions are one major reason why I really like ABO fics.

(And back to the Cas of this fic. Now that I think of some parts of this fic, Cas reminds me a little bit of Carlisle from Twilights :’D Err…)

Summary: Driving down a deserted road in the Rocky Mountains, Castiel finds something unexpected: an omega. Not only an omega, but a naked, injured, pregnant omega. Dean doesn’t talk much at first, but that doesn’t change the brightness of his soul. it also doesn’t stop Castiel from falling in love with him.

( Read here )

Title: Make Damn Sure

Author: SurlyCat

Rating: Explicit

Words: 124,823 – Ongoing

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin J’s notes: I hate this fic because it’s not finished. But I still stick with my latest statement. I hate deleted fics more than unfinished, so therefore I give this fic a chance to be here.

Summary: Dean Winchester is not thrilled about taking an office job at one the most powerful media corporations in the country. His work has always been hands on, but when Charlie tells him about the job opening and its comfortable salary, the temptation is just too great to turn down. And really, it wouldn’t be too bad if it weren’t for the blue-eyed man that also works there.

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have crossed paths far too often over the last 12 years, with an unsavory outcome nearly every time. This time though, walking away is just not an option as they’re forced to collaborate on a project and learn to navigate each other like civilized human beings. For Dean and Cas though, nothing ever goes quite according to plan.

( Read here )

Title: Typecast

Author: mnwood

Rating: Explicit

Words: 75,142 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★  

Admin J’s notes: ABO verse where both Dean and Cas are famous actors. I love fics in which Dean is trying to pass as an alpha, even if he’s an omega. Personally, I think it’s very logical. In the show, Dean tries to impress John a lot, and in the omega Dean fics that makes you go all ‘oh right, I get it now’. For me, the omega Dean makes more sense than the alpha Dean.

Summary: Up-and-coming movie actor Castiel Novak knows he’ll never be taken seriously if all he ever plays is betas, and as an alpha he certainly doesn’t think it’s a wise career choice to play an omega. However, when he’s offered the omega role in a gay romance and learns that the much more famous (and his crush) Dean Winchester is playing the alpha, Cas decides maybe it’s time to take a risk. But when they meet on day one, Cas isn’t sure what to make of Dean’s scent.

( Read here )

[cesium-sheep]

thoughts on promare (essentially a consolidated liveblog, so beware of spoilers)

the animation style is uhhhh very studio trigger lol, for lack of a better descriptor. it always takes a minute to adjust to.

the stylization of the fire is gorgeous

this motherfucker summoned a fire chair when his subordinates summoned vehicles to go fight, definitely big laurent energy

galo is also very much a himbo but not quite the same genre as damen, he’s a much more outwardly boisterous type. he’s got the same naivety tho

the dialogue is great fun whenever it spontaneously comes back down to earth. “is he an idiot?” “definitely an idiot.“ and “you know, I didn’t get naked just for fun.” “it hadn’t crossed my mind.” (big damen energy to that one tho lol)

everyone on the protag team is just like “no dude burnish don’t like, choose to have pyrokinesis”, love that.

the very misty design of the pink girl’s outfit is delightful, although I hope they aren’t setting us up for comphet.

ah. the very next scene with them is the comphet. like it’s probably even cute! he’s just saying she should put value on her own accomplishments because he’s too dumb to ever think otherwise! but also like why.

oh lol I paused it cuz arin came home and it turns out he wasn’t actually remotely thinking about kissing her he was distracted by the reflection of a flame in the ice

the music during the cpr scene was absolutely gorgeous.

presumably the governor was meant to just be getting like, a retina scan, but it really looked like he was shooting laser beams out of his eyes.

has anyone considered like. using their fucking words. the burnish control fire, they may be able to control the magma somehow. and/or they may be able to team up to power your warp shit without burning themselves out.

okay so later lio is shown literally controlling the magma. almost like the burnish are totally capable of fucking solving this.

that dragon cry is fucking dope sound design. there are some absolutely fantastic sound choices in this.

refusing to let someone else self-destruct is such a good trait to pair with a himbo tbh.

lio’s sleeves burned off. nice.

“if she doesn’t survive all this will have been for nothing!” yeah almost like. this was a terrible motivation from the beginning you dumb baby. you knew only a very limited number of people would even be taken on board.

I love galo falling asleep during computer grandpa’s narration. I relate.

bitch is this some pacrim shit, are they gonna copilot, and did he really name it deus ex machina

also I do love that the plan to escape the problem is literally what caused the problem to start with, that is very good.

“a burning firefighter and an ice-cold fire-starter” and he fucking named it “lio de galon” this is just so much lol

bruh you could have just jumped over the ice wall instead of smashing through it.

“if we don’t do something it’s gonna explode!” *immediate explosion*

the destruction of the robots looks so fuckin cool, with the spikes coming out of each back

mm. dunno how I feel about the twist reveal abt the governor, it’s like. kinda weakening everything else y’know? I do love lio protecting galo so hard tho. galo literally just held lio’s flame in his hands and I guarantee the fandom has made that into a whole Symbolic Thing.

hhhhhgghghghghh did lio’s promare transfer to galo??? and also the line “now here’s what I’m gonna do. save him, save earth, and even save you!” good!! good shit!!!

bitch!!!!!! idk if cpr technically counts but!!!!!!!!!!! that’s pretty fuckin gay!!!!!!!!!! and he has a panic over “for the first time in my life I lit a fire!” instead of “oh no I kissed a guy!” they’re just hanging out shirtless in the promaretech engine! I’m gonna lose it! the loyalty all the burnish feel towards lio! send help!!!!

they’ve combined their wills!!!!!!! help!!!!!!

okay given that they end on a fistbump it was probably technically not supposed to be gay. but it was still pretty gay.

overall I feel like it kinda dragged in places but once it hit its stride it really took off running. I can see why everyone else went ham over it lol

I can also see the parallels between lio/galo and lamen. they do really kinda have a similar vibe. “the ice bitch who’s secretly very good” and “the absolute himbo that has to learn that sometimes people lie”.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x05 “Nightmare Logic”

oh, what a perfectly soft and emotional Destiel-parallelly piece of Meredith Glynn artwork. so precious, so loved~

03:47pm

things i know about this: meredith glynn wrote it

LET’S WATCH

-

03:50

noooo maggie don’t do things like this alooooone

-

i like the music as she enters... kinda weird and sparkly and awkward

-

03:53

sammy...... you know what you need

someone to do the night shift

if only...... you had.............. someone else........................

*looks pointedly at dean*

-

03:55

where does sam get the financial resources for shit like body cams

we never see them running credit card scams any more so........ ???????

-

03:57

i love these cable things by the roads

so aesthetic

-

03:58

even more spooky pretty music as dean and sam enter the tomb

-

03:59

dean and sam lie so effortlessly and so in sync

i always enjoy seeing them do this, ever since dean told a firefighter he needed to go back into his apartment because he has a yorkie who pees when he’s nervous

-

04:01

aw man i thought the “colleagues” would be cas and jack

bobby and mary’s cool too

-

04:02

bobby’s wearing a cap like michael’s

and mary’s wearing a coat like cas’

..does this mean this story’s gonna be about dean’s war between those two things, like the two worlds he knows

bobby’s parenting vs. mary’s parenting

michael’s need for him as a vessel vs. cas’ love for him as a bestest buddy bro friend

not sure how bobby = micheal / mary = cas but i’m sure there’ll be some kind of explanation later

OR maybe they’re just costumes and they mean nothing

but......is that ever true? trenchcoats are automatically a cas thing now. and that cap is so iconic as michael now???

-

04:09

i relate to this lady in the suit who has had Too Much Of Everything

i enjoy seeing people know their limits and expressing them to others rather than continuing past breaking point

sam’s doing great but also....... no

take a page from this lady’s book, sammy

-

04:11

mary’s walking with sam

and i just wanna take a minute to appreciate how EASY meredith glynn’s episodes are to watch

her scripts flow so gently and everything makes logical sense

and her characters are coherent

there’s just this nice touch of emotional human realism cloaking all the supernatural weirdness and i so, so appreciate that

like.. for me personally, there’s not a single writer on the current team whose writing comes close to glynn’s

i want her to write more episodes with cas though, i know she’d write him just right

i honestly feel like i’m being hugged by someone as i watch this

so soft around my heart

is good

-

04:16

sam: “you [and bobby have] gotten pretty close lately”

mary: “i thought so too”

OH WAIT I GET IT

I GET THE COAT AND THE HAT NOW

IT’S A DESTIEL THING

OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW DID I MISS THAT

IT’S SO BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS HOLY FUCKING FUCKDISAFKDSHGF

even the casual viewers will probably have noticed this one. i know it took me a second but as soon as this discussion happened it clicked

 this is probably the most obvious parallel they’ve ever done i think

i didn’t see it before because i didn’t EXPECT it, you know?? ugh this is so validating

-

04:22

now every word mary says, i’m just envisioning how it applies to cas’ perspective too

“he’s been hunting all the time, he won’t take a break even for a second. there’s something on his mind”

yeah, that mICHEAL HAT, quite literally sitting over his head like a dark halo

-

04:26

the music in this episode is just so pleasing to my ears

-

04:31

things i appreciate:

normal people being all “wtf you hunt monsters” and just being present while dean and sam talk about their shit

sam’s reference to “hunteri heroici” (my all-time fave episode besides “scoobynatural” jdgd that was five years ago what the hell)

-

04:35

me: takes screenshot of this very pretty, very anxious lady because i want my hair to do what her hair does

-

04:36

oop we just found the dean mirror and now we get to hear someone talk about the things he feels and offer advice that ultimately helps himself

god i love this

AND THE FACT I CAN UNDERSTAND THIS PARALLEL AND WHY IT’S HAPPENING

AGAIN SOLIDIFIES THE DEAN/CAS THING WITH BOBBY/MARY

because what mary said about bobby = what cas thinks about dean = what’s true about dean = this lady being overworked = dean not taking time off from hunting

(although it does seem to specifically apply to sam as well ?)

and sam mentioned earlier about how the dad he knew and the dad mary knew were different people, plus the earlier mentions this season about john’s problematic parenting (i forget when)

yeah that really makes a point of saying john abused his kids, for sure

-

lady: “he was gone all the time, working for us, he said”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

-

lady: “i worshipped him when i was a kid. didn’t know any better”

oh deanie

please take notes

please know it’s okay to be angry at john and not continue to love him in a way that excuses his behaviours, even 14 years after he died

-

wait wait wait

dean tells her to let it go, it’s the past, there’s nothing you can do about it now so it’s just baggage

WAIT

THAT MEANS

THAT MEANS HE LET THAT SHIT GO ALREADY???????

WHOA

OKAY COOL. COOL COOL COOL I’M PROUD OF YOU

now go be gay with cas

-

“i try. every single day.”

hell yeah dean winchester giving good mental health advice to people and also millions of depressed people with various traumas watching this

ngl this legit just helped me a tiny bit with my issues with my own dad

urhgutguugb meredith glynn you are the good we need in this world

..............suddenly getting real emotional because goddamn i wanna meet her someday ;~; i wanna meet 1. misha and 2. meredith glynn, maaaaybe 3. jensen idk

mEREDITH GLYNN IS MY KINDRED SPIRIT

and DEAN WINCHESTER HELPS ME BE A MORE SELF-ACCEPTING PERSON

yay

-

04:49

no but like.......... everyone seemed to enjoy last week’s episode, i only saw people posting good reviews. and i felt bad not not enjoying it, even though all the things people pointed out should’ve been right up my alley, something about the overall thing just fell flat for me

but this one

this one speaks to my heart

-

04:53

maggie: “i didn’t mean to get caught--”

sam: “no no no, stop that. you did nothing wrong. okay?”

sam being a better dad to maggie than john ever was to anyone

-

04:57

OH NO BOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!

-

05:01

dean: “you’re giving him transfusions?”

nurse: “keeps up his iron”

suddenly i don’t trust the nurse

trying to take over the property maybe? a la scooby-doo, it’s always about real estate

-

05:02

dean: “sasha, could you go....... make me a ....sandwich ?”

DEAN NO

(i type, in pain, as i laugh)

-

/rewatches that interaction because it was actually really sweet the way dean mouthed “go” to sasha and she understood

-

05:05

i’ve wanted a djinn story for SO LONG

(even wrote one myself - Prince of the Ether Realms)

trust glynn to be the one to re-weave the exact threads of this 14-year saga that also interest me specifically

also kudos for the fact she’s so obviously knowledgeable about the ENTIRE HISTORY of the show, as opposed to certain other writers who seem to contradict previous facts and re-reference things that were used differently before to make an important point, thereby nullifying the first point when used a second time

-

05:11

hunter with the shaved head 10/10 style

headcanoning them as non-binary and into girls because of reasons

also there was a slight continuity error, this hunter hugs maggie twice in the two consecutive shots

-

05:15

bobby: “it ends the same” [with bobby dead, i guess?]

mary: “no. you are not allowed to give up on me”

seeing this as dean and cas again

yeah i saw someone mention how at the end of last episode, dean suggesting they drive off a cliff and sam being like NOPE kind of reflected the wrongness of the they-all-die-at-the-end for the finale of SPN

and i think this brings it back to that again

i agree that the best ending is the one where they live to fight another day, not go out guns a-blazing

and this is cas telling dean he’s not allowed to give up and die because he wants to live side-by-side for as long as they can

i just really really want cas to say that to dean in a soft emotional scene like this. we don’t really get those unless they’re parallels??? and i wANT MORE DEAN AND CAS TALKING ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS DAMMIT

-

05:20

DEAN AND CAS PARALLELS um i mean BOBBY AND MARY GOING OFF TO HANG OUT ALONE IN A CABIN OF LOVE AND HEALING

GDI LET DEAN AND CAS DO THAT TOO

but also awwww i actually kinda like the mary/bobby thing? because at the core, they ARE dean and sam’s parents, really

family don’t end with blood etc

bobby was the dad john never was

-

05:23

sam: USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM

this is so satisfying

next up: hula hoops of salt and iron knuckle-dusters

-

05:25

i love love love that dean can have a healthy mental approach to this shit, finally

i’m so fucking proud of him you don’t even know

i just......... i really wanna see him not only return to baseline mental goodness, but then overcome that and become greater at his zen thing, and then AT LAST be ready to accept cas’ love for what it is: romantic and everlasting and epic, and not have to interpret it into something else or ignore it to protect himself

-

05:28

that light over dean’s shoulder is the angel on his shoulder

but is it michael or cas?

i’m going with cas, given that michael is a dark-hat-halo

-

05:30pm

it’s over

that was amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing ;u;

bless meredith glynn for existing and bringing us such beautiful stories

BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE GARDENER

WHY WAS HE THERE besides to ~add some colour~??? and i guess a red herring for viewers, so we have someone to suspect?

(idk. i never suspected him, because he was black and meredith glynn is better than that - unless she was trying to trick racist viewers?? (i know there's a lot of them, i saw the super-toxic comment section on instagram when jared, jensen and misha posted a “vote beto” thing the other day. and there was a poll mentioned at comic con once, half the american spn fanbase are republicans??? guess they really love guns and fascism))

i don’t really have anything to add here, i said it all as i went along

that dean/cas parallel....... oh boy

just please please please pleASE can we have Actual Destiel and not just parallels and hints. like. they barely talk???????? HOW IS THIS A SHOW WHERE TWO OF THE MAIN LEADS ARE CONSTANTLY FRAMED TO BE IN LOVE, WE’RE TOLD THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS, BUT WE ALMOST NEVER EVEN SEE THEM TOGETHER ANY MORE

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING

anyway the costuming was just so very UNSUBTLE and obvious and i think a lot of people would’ve caught that parallel even if they weren’t looking for it

music was good, directing was good, sasha’s hair was good, nobody we know actually died, that was good too

10/10

ten thumbs up

yeee

[missytearex]

It’s that time again! I’ve had a lot of free time to read this month, so I think this is gonna be a good one. Here are my favourites!

________________________________________________________________

Larry

~ you came into my life by disgruntledkittenface | @disgruntledkittenface (57k)

Summary: They stand around talking for a minute and then Jonathan starts to ramble, “Has there ever been, like, an unrequited gay love story in here? Like a Brokeback Mountain moment where, like, someone just fell in love and they didn’t mean to?”

Louis feels bile rise in his throat as Jonathan’s eyes sparkle, pleading for a yes. He manages to look around and see thoughtful looks on his coworkers’ faces before their heads shake no.

“Not here,” Liam says finally.

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

My comment: This one is making it as one of my ALL TIME favourite fics. I completely fell in love with every single character! You can clearly see how Louis gets something different from each of his relationships with the different characters and it is absolutely stunning. Louis’ internal struggle is really well written and I just wanted to give him a hug! Also, I started watching Queer Eye after reading this.

________________________________________________________________

Lilo

~ Which One Of Us Is Caving by wasp | @apayneinthearse (18k)

Summary: Liam doesn't regret hiring Louis, it's the furthest thing from it. He's clever and quick-witted and he's good with people in a way Liam never was. It's amazing, he's amazing and Liam doesn't understand how he survived so long without him. In the professional sense.

My comment: I reeeeeeeeaaaally love slow burn fics! And I mean Louis as Liam’s cheeky assistant? Perfect.

________________________________________________________________

Lirry

~ fishing in the dark by countthestars | @moondoggiestyle (12k)

Summary: Liam is the night janitor at a clandestine research facility, and Harry is its best kept secret.

My comment: This story is probably as realistic as you can get with mermaid fic. I didn’t expect to love it as much as I did. It’s so beautifully written and emotional - I actually wanted to cry at some point. This fic is a gift and you should read it.

________________________________________________________________

Narry

~ by your side by littlervoice | @littlervoice (8k)

Summary: “What does Niall look like?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Zayn counters. Harry can feel him shifting on the bed next to him, moving to sit cross legged as he always does when Harry gets serious. “Because people always talk themselves down,” Harry says. “Like when you told me you’re nothing special even though I have it on good authority that you’re a walking talking god.”

Harry is blind and Niall gets partnered up with him for a project.

My comment: Ok, I have a weakness for disabled characters. And fluff. And Narry. So this was just perfect! Such a fun read!

________________________________________________________________

Niam

~ These Little Things That Bind Us (orphan_account) (76k)

Summary: All of a sudden, there’s a voice at his ear. “How’re you doin’, mate?” Liam jumps about a foot, but somehow manages to stay balanced on his barstool without spilling a drop of his drink. He needs to calm down if he wants to avoid attracting any attention from Malik and his cronies. Steeling himself, he squares his shoulders and turns to face the voice. And then he actually does spill his drink. All over the shirt of one Niall Horan. Liam lives a comfortable life; he works as a policeman, and his lovely girlfriend has just moved into his flat. However, everything changes when he's assigned to go under cover and gather information about a rising star of London’s criminal under world, Zayn Malik, and his ragtag band of criminals. This band just happens include a cheery, fair haired Irishman who quite literally charms the pants off of Liam and, before he knows it, Liam finds himself facing a choice between love and duty.

My comment: Where do I even begin with this one? I kept getting immersed and forgetting that Liam was actually undercover but then I would remember and the ANGST! Certainly an emotional roller coaster. Stayed with me long after I finished reading it. 

________________________________________________________________

Nouis

~ heart out on my sleeve by temerity (forsanethaec) | @1dgaf (29k)

Summary: After Zayn drops out of Hogwarts just before their last year in Slytherin, Louis is left adrift. In a high-level Charms class tasked with finishing the rebuilding of the castle, he strikes up an unlikely friendship with Niall Horan of Hufflepuff, and learns more than he expected along the way. (A Harry Potter AU set eight years after the Battle of Hogwarts.)

My comment: I absolutely love reading about post-battle Hogwarts. Everything has a different kind of feel to it. Slytherin!Louis and Huffelpuff!Niall complement each other so well and the descriptions of the spells are incredible. Loved everything about this fic!

________________________________________________________________

Zarry

~ In Pursuit of the Extraordinary by blainedarling | @zaynbastian (31k)

Summary: Zayn is eight years old when he realises that he’s different. Contortion comes as naturally to him as walking does to most people—what doesn’t come naturally is acceptance from people around him. His family find it odd and the children at school think he’s a freak. The closest he comes to acceptance in his time at high school is through his gym teacher, Dave, who teaches him how to train his body and respect his gift; and Harry, a beautifully wild boy he meets by chance at a party who, too, has a secret talent. It's years before he'll see Harry again and find a place where he can excel at his talents.

A Zayn-centric story about the struggles of being different or unusual, and finding family in unexpected places.

My comment: This story was absolutely AMAZING! Reading about Zayn’s struggles was HEARTBREAKING and it made me so HAPPY and RELIEVED when he finally found his home.

________________________________________________________________

Ziall

~ Maybe It's A Hangover, Maybe I'm In Love by lucy_and_ramona (28k)

Summary: summer fling!au. Niall and Zayn meet at one of Harry's parties, where everyone is excited to move on to the next chapter of their lives. Everyone except them. Drunk and out of their depth, they hook up. They keep hooking up, and attempt to start a casual relationship, only Zayn's definitely falling, and Niall's trying to ignore the fact that he is, too.

My comment: I loved how the relationship progressed in this. How Niall kept wanting to hold back but kind of being unable to help himself. It was just so easy to read. 

________________________________________________________________

Ziam

~ it keeps my veins hot (the fire's found a home in me) by loveontherocks (51k)

Summary: "You think anyone said thanks?" Zayn asks, his voice wrecked and shredded, half whisper, half reminiscent of pubescent teenaged years.

Harry looks at him like he's lost his mind. "Thanks to who?"

Zayn shrugs, finally bringing the cigarette up to his lips, igniting the flame of his lighter. "The firefighters. They're the ones who got us out, right? They're why you and I are here on this couch right now. Right?"

Harry purses his lips. "Dunno. Wasn't a priority of mine, I guess."

It should be, Zayn thinks.

or; the one where zayn survives a fire and falls in love with the firefighter that saved him.

My comment: Firefighter Liam is one of my favourite things! Zayn struggling with his anxiety over what happened seemed so real. And all the pining!! The PINING! Just read it.

________________________________________________________________

Zouis

~ swing my heart across the line by jarpadsalecki (21k)

Summary: "Louis was trying to come up with all the ways Liam could have died--car crash, he was figuring, but Liam was the safest driver he knew--and ringing up a particularly large order for a thirty-something year old woman and her three kids when a figure appeared out of the corner of his eye. Well, fucking finally he had a bagger. He glanced to his left, hopefully, to see if it was Liam.

It wasn’t."

The one where Louis is the star cashier, Harry is the cafe boy, Niall works in the deli, and when Liam is promoted from bagging to dairy, Zayn from produce is his replacement. Louis is not happy about that.

My comment: This was such a fun lighthearted read! And guys, the scene with the body shots...omg. LOVED these two characters together.

________________________________________________________________

Gryles

~ The Seaweed Is Always Greener by goseaward (25k)

Summary: The fairytales are pretty clear: Don't go near land. Don't go near humans. Definitely don't fall in love. And whatever you do, don't ask the Sea Witch for help.

A modern-day Little Mermaid AU.

My comment: This was a fun one! Harry’s character is so quirky and Nick just kinda goes along with everything. 

________________________________________________________________

Tomlinshaw

~ Butter With You by driveinbingo | @joekavaliers (26k)

Summary: ”You’ve got egg on your face”, says Louis.

Nick isn’t quite following. ”What?”

Louis rolls his eyes. ”You’ve got egg on your cheek. Looks stupid.”

Nick could be inside with a cup of tea and a scone right now. Nick had thought – perhaps naively - that they were past all this now. That they could go back to behaving like adults.

”Right, I’m not gonna do th –”, is all he gets out before Louis practically launches himself at Nick, mouth first.

Or, the Tomlinshaw GBBO AU nobody asked for.

My comment: I actually want to cry from how good this is. Enemies to lovers, baking angst, BAKING! asdfghjkl READ IT!

________________________________________________________________

OT5

~ Let It Be Lightning by alexenglish | @queerlyalex (41k)

Summary: Niall Horan made a choice when he enlisted with the Pan Pacific Defense Corps. Leave his family and try to make a difference. He started out as a Jaeger Tech, elbow-deep in the greasy guts of the machines that were supposed to save the world, but here he is, five years later, fresh out of the Ranger Academy with another choice to make:

Assemble a team of Rangers able to pilot two or more Jaegers at any given moment. Interchangeable partnerships, all Drift Compatible with each other. The implications of pulling off this project are astronomical, but at the end of the day, Niall's just worried about how many people are going to end up inside his head.

My comment: Science fiction! Polyamory! Queer themes! What more could you possibly want? I didn’t want it to end. Just amazing.

________________________________________________________________

And that’s it for this month! I’m starting a course next month so I won’t have as much time to read. We’ll see how it goes!

You can join me on my reading adventure at @niccihoranson, where I bookmark all my 1D fic recommendations!

[yourdailykitsch]

Texas Forever: Taylor Kitsch Is Doing Hollywood His Way (Exclusive) Taylor Kitsch isn’t here to impress. “I get so bored if I play the same or look the same in every role,” Kitsch says on a pleasant January afternoon in Pasadena, Calif. The 36-year-old actor is gearing up for the most transformative role of his career in Waco, the six-part Paramount Network miniseries about the 1993 siege premiering Wednesday, Jan. 24. The Kelowna, British Columbia, native plays David Koresh, controversial leader of the Branch Davidians, who, along with 75 of his followers, perished in a deadly fire following a violent 51-day standoff with the FBI. “Maybe it’s an older school mindset,” he theorizes, leaning back in his chair in deep thought, a cool, laidback confidence radiating from him. “I love the grind.” Kitsch first broke out onscreen in 2006, as brooding bad boy Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, becoming a favorite among young female fans of the NBC drama. Since the show ended in 2011, he’s largely steered away from roles akin to the character that propelled him to heartthrob status, instead leaning into parts that weren’t exactly tailor-made for him to begin with: a gay activist in The Normal Heart, a villainous operative in American Assassin, a successful weed dealer in Savages and most recently, one of the elite firefighters battling the Yarnell Hill Fire in Only the Brave. “I grew up on these guys, like the Sean Penns and the Gary Oldmans. I think there’s a high to that. I love that challenge,” he says. “When I started studying acting that was kind of what it was about: figuring out your process to create these different characters.” As Koresh, Kitsch unlocks another hidden ability in his growing breadth as an actor, exuding a level of charm and magnetism in Waco that is both mesmerizing and mystifying, only because the man he portrays wasn’t a good man at all. “There aren’t many characters like this that exist. He’s enigmatic and crazy brilliant and crazy, period,” says Kitsch, who calls Austin, Texas home. In order to realistically embody the sect leader, Kitsch -- who also serves as an executive producer -- grew out his hair and dropped 30 pounds in four months; his 500-calorie diet consisted of egg whites, coffee, vegetables, a tiny bit of protein and, after 4 p.m., broth. “Losing weight when you already don’t have too much to lose, it’s no fun, but it’s just part of it,” Kitsch says of his transformation, adding that it played “a huge part in the cadence” of a “mad genius” like Koresh. “The way you walk, the way you feel… It reaffirmed how smart he had to be because it was never blunt force. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t intimidate that way.” It also required Kitsch to lose himself in Koresh’s world -- and he took it quite literally. For months leading up to filming in Santa Fe, New Mexico, last April, Kitsch devoted “eight to 10 hours a day” familiarizing himself with all facets of David Koresh’s intricate life. That included four hours of guitar and singing lessons, scripture readings, dissecting hours upon hours of Koresh’s tapes and researching his difficult upbringing. “It was almost laughable in the beginning. I would joke around about how much prep I had,” Kitsch recalls. There were moments during the production of Waco that proved challenging. Kitsch zeroed in on the sermons as being particularly “tough” to memorize and he became obsessed with nailing the improbable task. “I’m more known for saying less is more,” Kitsch says, alluding to his famous FNL character, Riggins, “so to be as talky as Dave… But when you’re mixing in scripture, it’s just so hard to infuse into my brain. I’d be in my house in Santa Fe and I’d have all these white boards all over the house of scriptures and psalms and everything that I had to remember in episode five, six or in a monologue. Everywhere in the house I could see it, I would say it out loud, walk over there, see it and say it out loud.” The most daunting part about playing Koresh, though, had nothing to do with memorizing nine-page sermons and everything to do with standing in front of a mic. “The singing and guitar was ******ing scary man,” Kitsch confesses, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. (Koresh performed with his band in local Waco bars and church services. Survivor David Thibodeau, whose 1999 book on which Waco is based, said Koresh recruited members through music.) “I’ve never been in a ******ing singing booth either, putting it on a track so we could go film it two days later. So I’d go in the studio with a real band, which is scary to begin with, and be like, ‘Hey, I’m about to sing ‘My Sharona,’ are you ready?’ and they’re like” -- he gives a knowing look -- “‘All right...?’ They were awesome and supportive, and I gained a lot of confidence from that.” There was once a time when Kitsch’s stardom was fast approaching elite status. Fresh off the success of Friday Night Lights, Hollywood came knocking with two very expensive tentpoles, Battleship and John Carter -- films that held the promise of proclaiming him the next franchise superstar. It just didn’t happen. Both films bombed at the box office and were panned by critics. “I’ll read articles, but I won’t go on Rotten Tomatoes,” Kitsch, who only recently joined Instagram, cracks. Though it didn’t seem that way at the time, in hindsight, his failures were blessings in disguise: Kitsch had the opportunity to redirect his career on a far more interesting path. “I feel I’ve stayed the course,” Kitsch says, analyzing his ups and downs with a refreshing candor. “I’m proud of the way I reacted to John Carter. I’m proud of the way I reacted to Battleship. I still have no regrets really. At the time in your life that these opportunities present themselves, I would have done it again knowing the circumstance and knowing what was going on. What I’m proud of is my work ethic throughout. I’ve never wavered. I feel like I’m getting better and better. I think Waco is a great example of that.” “When you have people who believe in you and give you these chances, I just won’t let go of that opportunity,” he adds, his steadfast loyalty and gratitude to those who have seen him as more than just a pretty face unwavering. “I don’t know if it’s something I’ve learned; it’s something I’m proud of -- that I’ve, in that sense, kept grinding. It’s kind of all I know now. I’ve always -- in sports, in life -- there’s a way I make it where I have to grind, you know what I mean? It’s the underdog thing. It carries me or I carry that with me, whatever that is.” Kitsch has rarely spoken about the much-maligned second season of HBO’s True Detective, in which he portrayed closeted highway officer and ex-military man Paul Woodrugh. He acknowledges that the 2015 season was far from perfect though his experience was “really, really positive” (“Obviously, it’s not the best case that people didn’t react to it that way,” Kitsch says). While it may seem, from the outside at least, to have been a contributing factor in the long gap between TV projects, Kitsch assures that wasn’t the case. “I remember watching season one [of True Detective] -- I haven’t told anyone this -- and sitting in bed and I was like, ‘If I could ******ing get on a show like that…,” he remembers. “You’re allowed to let go a lot easier when you understand you put everything you could that you had control over that you felt you knocked out. You can walk away a lot easier.” Kitsch still keeps in touch with creator Nic Pizzolatto (“I’d go work with Nic tomorrow”) and he’s looking forward to the third installment with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali (“They got an amazing cast”). There’s an ounce of disappointment in his voice when he eventually evaluates what went wrong. “Season one was incredible and I think it’ll go down as all-time, and that says a lot because there is some amazing stuff in the last 30 years. I think the bar was crazy high, which I have no problem swinging for, but there were some constraints in the timing of it,” Kitsch says. “Sometimes you’re on a movie or you’re in a relationship and the magic just isn’t there, or you are in one and everything just seems to play out the right way. I’m sure I could speak for the other leads in it -- man, we were all proud to be there. Everyone came beyond prepared -- you have to when you’re working with Nic -- and we swung.” Next for Kitsch is a tale that has stayed in his brain for the past several years, like an earworm that just won’t leave his head. Titled Pieces, Kitsch plans to write, direct, star and produce the feature film based on his 2014 short about three guys who grew up in the worst part of town with a sudden opportunity to change their kids’ and families’ lives. “It’s a bit savage-y. It’s a bit Western-y. It’s a grimy movie. Everything f***king goes crazy,” Kitsch says with a glint of excitement piercing through his deep green eyes. He’s never done anything this intensive before, executing his own idea from page to screen. Could this be Kitsch’s next chapter in his career? “We’ll see how this goes,” he says with an anxious laugh. Asked if he’s nervous about jumping into something so deeply personal that will truly be his, Kitsch didn’t mince words: “You should be. Hopefully, I’m nervous about my next job too. It’s a story that won’t leave me. I want to do this and I want to do it my way.”

[themiddlelayer]

It’s Just a Fantasy...

As Billy Joel sang, “...it’s not the real thing. Sometimes a fantasy is all you need!”

Jersey got in touch again today. It was 5 years ago last week that I left the job where we met. He managed the factory, I worked in the office. On the surface, he was just this hot Italian guy in jeans and flannel shirts who made me feel like a silly schoolgirl with a crush whenever I saw him walk by. I had no idea at the time, but there was so much more to him.

On my last day of work he stopped by my desk and handed me his card. He seemed to stammer, “Um, if you need a reference or something” His cell number was hand-written on the back. I remember holding onto that card until it was soft from my sweaty palms... I felt like I had to hide it, even though MM and I were non-monogamous. I felt like I had to hide the goofy grin that kept coming up... the embarrassing blush... and I finally got the nerve up to write my number down to give him. It took me another few minutes to work up the courage to try to bring it to him in his office. I honestly don’t remember if I actually gave it to him before I left. I think I did, but he later said that he lost it so he was glad I messaged him.

Somehow we started chatting shortly after. My memory is awful... I’m remembering an awkward kiss goodbye in the parking lot of the Mill that had the bar/restaurant I’d go on dates at. He seemed afraid to actually kiss me properly... because he is married. 

At the time, he was living in MD and his wife and son were back in New Jersey. Apparently he had lived apart from them quite a bit over the years. I was really trying to behave myself and keep my non-monogamy ethical. MM and I actually had more than one tense conversation about him because he was a cheater. 

I moved to AZ and he continued to just pop up from time to time like people tend to do with me. The more we chatted, the more enamored I became. Mr. Hot Italian in Flannel is a volunteer firefighter, an artist... a painter, and a DJ. He would play rooftop parties in NYC and things like that. Big deal parties with big paychecks. 

He talked about being hit on by one of my favorite artists, Keith Haring, when he hung out at the Paradise Garage or “Gay-rage” as it was called. We talked about his love of Jean-Michel Basquiat and the art he wanted to make. 

Our conversations always woke up this part of me that just wanted to be more, create more, live more. 

Last time he surfaced, he was talking about whether to move out of the suburbs and to a beach town or back to the city. He’s never outright said that he’s not happy at home, but all he has ever talked about is running away from it. His son was the only part of his ‘real life’ that he ever talked about, and he’s in college now. 

From time to time, he’d talk about meeting up in Vegas for a weekend or him coming to Arizona because he’s never been here. Today when we were chatting we talked about Sedona. He sent me a link to a beautiful resort where he said a friend of his stayed. We talked about driving into Mexico together, just because I’ve been here almost 5 years and haven’t crossed the border. I told him about Bisbee... an old mining town that’s a crazy mix of hippies and real life ranchers where ghost hunter shows like to come. 

He said, “Who knows, if I come out there I may never leave... sounds enticing.” And he asked if there’s a volunteer fire department in my town. He even followed up on that saying that his certs are ‘pro board’ so they will transfer from state to state. It’s just a fantasy... oh, oh, oh, oh... (Billy Joel again) But what a fantasy it is! 

I wish I knew what it is about Jersey. We literally had 2 dates-ish. We worked at the same address, but barely spoke beyond the pleasantries and work-stuff during the staff lunches in the conference room. I only learned that he was married and that she’s Puerto Rican with the stereotypical hot latin temper when he brought something to work that she’d cooked. 

Whatever it is, it’s mutual. Today he said, “You have always been fuel for my soul... can’t explain it... the paths we have taken are different but the emotion is parallel. If that makes any sense.”  And it totally does in that I feel it, but it makes no sense whatsoever. 

That’s a thing with me that I’ve never been able to find the root of. When someone clicks, they just click. There is no halfway with my feelings. 

The Mad Scientist is a prime example of that. We only dated as a triad of sorts with MM for a few months, then the two of us for a few more weeks or so. During those times, we didn’t see each other often and I really knew very little about his day to day life. I only went to his house once the entire time. He had a pot-bellied pig named Hibiscus Tea aka ‘Hibby’ at the time, and I saw a massage table set up in a half-room of sorts off the foyer and felt jealous for no good reason. And I was so in love with him. 

I know the thing that happened with him... he looked me in the eyes and called me by my name in bed. It was a kind of intimacy I’d never experienced, and have only had with one other partner since, Nomad. Just talking about it makes my heart flutter. 

Part of me wants to reach out to him... to see if he’s happy and make sure he knows I still think of him often... and it makes smile. But I know better. What if he’s not happy? Or what if he is, but hearing from me brings stuff up for him? Or the ultimate what if that’s always been in the back of my mind... what if he meant more to me than I meant to him? Ugh.

Whatever the case, fantasy is all I’ve got right now. That’s something else that Jersey and I talked about.... the virus. He’s been helping EMT’s and fire duty has been busy because of people setting fires in their kitchen more often. He’s been quarantined other than fire duty for a week now and said that ‘people are dying left and right’ out there. 

The fantasy now is once this virus thing is over and we can get back to normal life...Once they find a vaccine and it’s safe to travel again...

But part of me feels like there will never be normal life like it once was. Between the economic crash, the hoarding, the lack of concrete information because of limited testing, all of the unknown and the panic it’s induced... 

Even if the country... the world... finally goes back to being ‘open for business’ as the commander-in-tweet kept talking about, it won’t be the same. Lots of people are saying that it’s for the best that it won’t be the same. That we have the chance to build something better. But that kind of rebuilding, no matter what it ends up looking like, takes a long time. 

I’m afraid this will become my normal... that I won’t ever get out there and date again. I’m afraid that I’m a couple cats away from being that sad, old cat lady everyone looks at and wonders... what happened to her? Only nobody could look at me because I’m such a reclusive hermit that seeing me outside my apartment is limited to when I check my mail and the days I tote my laundry to Cookie’s and try to feel some sense of family and belonging again. 

Fuck that got morbid. 

Time for me to attempt sleep... and look for a pair of pantyhose. I’m allowing Faust to Dom me without being my Dom. It’s a weird balancing act, but having some accountability and direction feels good. I’ll roll with it. 

[purplesurveys]

178

If you could choose only one thing from Walmart, what would it be? I don’t know what sort of stuff they sell in there. I guess Pop Tarts? Do you love the person you last held hands with? Of course. How about the last person you kissed? They’re the same person. How do you feel about reality television? Funny you mentioned that. I was reading a listicle last night about accounts of people and their experiences being part of reality shows and them being super scripted. Still, I can enjoy Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I don’t enjoy the others quite as much because the drama can be cringey. What is your favorite juice? I don’t drink juice much...but to me orange tastes the best.

If you were to have a child, what would the last name be? I haven’t been impregnated by anyone as far as I know... What is your lowest moment in life so far? Oh man. Either the entire sixth grade, or June 2017. But the latter must be even worse for me, since I don’t think I can touch on it and go back to it ever ever as long as I’m breathing. At least I can open up about sixth grade. Both were living nightmares, though. Have you ever had a near death experience? Yes, just that one time I casually nearly crashed onto someone’s car and almost damaged my brakes. It was terrifying. I cried afterwards. Are you currently working? And if so do you like your job? Nope, don’t have a job at the moment. Do you love one parent better than the other? I really wouldn’t use the word ‘love’ for either of them. Are you religious? I’m not. Did you vote on 11/4/2008? I’m not American :( Who makes your favorite article of clothing? I don’t have a favorite. Going skiing or snowboarding this year? Dude. We don’t have snow.

How about sledding or ice skating? Ice skating, possibly. In an ice skating rink at the mall, that is. We always make plans but it never happens. How many significant others have you had? Just one. Are you in a relationship now? If so are you happy? Yes, and very much yes. What are your thoughts on drugs? You do you as long as it’s not the hard drugs...? I don’t know, I’m pretty clueless on drugs and that’s a fault on my end. I personally wouldn’t touch them. What's the craziest drunken night you've had? I don’t let myself go too wild. I always drive in the end so I have to sober up completely, so there are no ‘crazy drunken nights’ whatsoever. Are you now, or have you ever been addicted to anything? Er. Just surveys. Hahaha. Do you ever watch talk shows? I used to watch Tyra when I was 11. Do you like the snow? I haven’t experienced it but I think I’ll be the type to really enjoy it. Favorite holiday? I don’t consider it a holiday but I’ll always stan for Halloween. Love horror. Love celebrating horror. Any bands you used to like and are now embarrassing to you? Nope. I still listen to the same bands. Would you rather text someone or call them? TEXT. Calling is a death wish, unless it’s with Gab. Ever been to any concerts? Who? Paramore, One Direction, and Coldplay if they count (we watched them from the fifth floor of a parking lot). Have you ever met anyone that's famous? Caspar Lee was literally 20 feet away from me at one point, and Joe Sugg waved at me while I was flailing my arms around trying to get noticed in a crowd. I don’t know if those count but they were the closest I got to meeting famous people. What's the last movie you rented? Awwwww rented cute. How about the last movie you saw in the theater? The Killing of a Sacred Deer. It was so fucking much to take in. To this day I still don’t know what I watched haha, it’s definitely a film you have to watch more than once because you can only pick up more details the more you replay it. Do you have a/any hero(s)? I wouldn’t give my girlfriend that title but she’s definitely a sort of influence on me. Have you ever walked out on a job or just not showed up? Not a job. But I did that for a college org I planned to apply for–I just never replied to any texts and never showed up for the meetings until they finally got the hint. I was an excited and naïve freshman and didn’t know what applying for an org in my university entails :( I thought you just signed up and that was it. Are you going on vacation any time soon? No, my dad won’t be home until January or February and we only go out of town/country when he’s around. When you were little what did you want to be when you "grow up?” I wanted to be a firefighter and an astronaut. Ever broken a bone? No. I have the worst pain tolerance of any human being and would be to scared to try doing anything that would possibly break anything in my body. Have you ever taken part in a threesome? Not interested. Do you have any children? Nope. What are your thoughts on abortion? I think women should be able to do anything they want for themselves without intervention or complaints from any breathing human on Earth ever. How about gay people? The gay people I know are just the loveliest, warmest, nicest group I know. Camel's or Marlboro's? No. Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No, they don’t deserve to know me. Do you shower every day? I don’t. Either because I’m lazy or it’s too cold for a shower. Have any piercings? Yes the holes on each of my ears are still there, but I stopped putting earrings on them. Tattoos? Nope and I don’t think I’ll ever get one because I hate needles. 14 year old me would be very disappointed. If you just came into a large amount of money, what would you do first? Turn it over. My conscience will haunt me forever, asleep or awake, if I took it, as tempting as it is. Are you using a wireless keyboard and mouse? I’m using a laptop; the keyboard is already on here. I don’t use a mouse. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. Just minor ones though. Do you drink and drive? Well I’m not an asshole so no. I fill myself with water after having drinks, and refuse to drive at all if I still feel the least bit dizzy. Has anyone ever sang to you in a romantic way? No. Wouldn’t allow Gab to do that either, seems cheesy. I like when she sings candidly though. What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you? I love when she opens doors for me or puts her jacket on me without having to ask. I just have to shiver and voila. HAHAHA MTV or VH1? I’d rather turn the TV off. Doing anything exciting this weekend? Not at all. Ever had your heart broken? Sure, for various reasons. Ever liked someone and didn't go for it because of what your friends said? Nope. You're getting married. Who's your maid of honor and best man? Angela and Hans most probs, if I had the 100% say. What's your favorite alcoholic beverage? I don’t really have a favorite one as of yet... Can you shotgun a whole beer? I hate beer. What's your favorite drinking game? I’m such a baby when it comes to drinking tbh. I’ve played zero games. Ever danced to no music? Doubt it. Have a favorite song right now? For the longest time, it’s been Pool by Paramore. Would you rather be able to fly or walk on water? Fly. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? Dye everything altogether. How long has your best friend been your bestie? 12 years with Angela, around 5 with Gab. Are you friends with any of your siblings? Hahahaha sure? My sister and I have more of a buddy type of relationship than sisterly. Are you a very emotional person? Yes. I cry at dog videos on Facebook. Have you ever lost a loved one? Yep, but have only had to deal with it once so far when I lost my grandfather. What's the best club you've ever been to? I don’t do clubs. Can you do the splits? Nope. Would you ever go on a reality TV show? As a contestant, never. But if I get paid for being an extra or be in like a 3 second interview then I think my ass would go for it lmao. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. Too scared to put anything in my eyes.

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

Texas Forever: Taylor Kitsch Is Doing Hollywood His Way (Exclusive)

Taylor Kitsch isn’t here to impress.

“I get so bored if I play the same or look the same in every role,” Kitsch says on a pleasant January afternoon in Pasadena, Calif. The 36-year-old actor is gearing up for the most transformative role of his career in Waco, the six-part Paramount Network miniseries about the 1993 siege premiering Wednesday, Jan. 24. The Kelowna, British Columbia, native plays David Koresh, controversial leader of the Branch Davidians, who, along with 75 of his followers, perished in a deadly fire following a violent 51-day standoff with the FBI. “Maybe it’s an older school mindset,” he theorizes, leaning back in his chair in deep thought, a cool, laidback confidence radiating from him. “I love the grind.”

Kitsch first broke out onscreen in 2006, as brooding bad boy Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, becoming a favorite among young female fans of the NBC drama. Since the show ended in 2011, he’s largely steered away from roles akin to the character that propelled him to heartthrob status, instead leaning into parts that weren’t exactly tailor-made for him to begin with: a gay activist in The Normal Heart, a villainous operative in American Assassin, a successful weed dealer in Savages and most recently, one of the elite firefighters battling the Yarnell Hill Fire in Only the Brave. “I grew up on these guys, like the Sean Penns and the Gary Oldmans. I think there’s a high to that. I love that challenge,” he says. “When I started studying acting that was kind of what it was about: figuring out your process to create these different characters.”

As Koresh, Kitsch unlocks another hidden ability in his growing breadth as an actor, exuding a level of charm and magnetism in Waco that is both mesmerizing and mystifying, only because the man he portrays wasn’t a good man at all. “There aren’t many characters like this that exist. He’s enigmatic and crazy brilliant and crazy, period,” says Kitsch, who calls Austin, Texas home.

In order to realistically embody the sect leader, Kitsch -- who also serves as an executive producer -- grew out his hair and dropped 30 pounds in four months; his 500-calorie diet consisted of egg whites, coffee, vegetables, a tiny bit of protein and, after 4 p.m., broth. “Losing weight when you already don’t have too much to lose, it’s no fun, but it’s just part of it,” Kitsch says of his transformation, adding that it played “a huge part in the cadence” of a “mad genius” like Koresh. “The way you walk, the way you feel… It reaffirmed how smart he had to be because it was never blunt force. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t intimidate that way.”

In 'Waco,' Kitsch plays David Koresh, leader of the Branch Davidians, who faced off against police in the 1993 siege.

Paramount Network

It also required Kitsch to lose himself in Koresh’s world -- and he took it quite literally. For months leading up to filming in Santa Fe, New Mexico, last April, Kitsch devoted “eight to 10 hours a day” familiarizing himself with all facets of David Koresh’s intricate life. That included four hours of guitar and singing lessons, scripture readings, dissecting hours upon hours of Koresh’s tapes and researching his difficult upbringing. “It was almost laughable in the beginning. I would joke around about how much prep I had,” Kitsch recalls.

There were moments during the production of Waco that proved challenging. Kitsch zeroed in on the sermons as being particularly “tough” to memorize and he became obsessed with nailing the improbable task. “I’m more known for saying less is more,” Kitsch says, alluding to his famous FNL character, Riggins, “so to be as talky as Dave… But when you’re mixing in scripture, it’s just so hard to infuse into my brain. I’d be in my house in Santa Fe and I’d have all these white boards all over the house of scriptures and psalms and everything that I had to remember in episode five, six or in a monologue. Everywhere in the house I could see it, I would say it out loud, walk over there, see it and say it out loud.”

The most daunting part about playing Koresh, though, had nothing to do with memorizing nine-page sermons and everything to do with standing in front of a mic. “The singing and guitar was f**king scary man,” Kitsch confesses, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. (Koresh performed with his band in local Waco bars and church services. Survivor David Thibodeau, whose 1999 book on which Waco is based, said Koresh recruited members through music.) “I’ve never been in a f**king singing booth either, putting it on a track so we could go film it two days later. So I’d go in the studio with a real band, which is scary to begin with, and be like, ‘Hey, I’m about to sing ‘My Sharona,’ are you ready?’ and they’re like” -- he gives a knowing look -- “‘All right...?’ They were awesome and supportive, and I gained a lot of confidence from that.”

"I feel like I'm getting better and better."

There was once a time when Kitsch’s stardom was fast approaching elite status. Fresh off the success of Friday Night Lights, Hollywood came knocking with two very expensive tentpoles, Battleship and John Carter -- films that held the promise of proclaiming him the next franchise superstar. It just didn’t happen. Both films bombed at the box office and were panned by critics. “I’ll read articles, but I won’t go on Rotten Tomatoes,” Kitsch, who only recently joined Instagram, cracks. Though it didn’t seem that way at the time, in hindsight, his failures were blessings in disguise: Kitsch had the opportunity to redirect his career on a far more interesting path.

“I feel I’ve stayed the course,” Kitsch says, analyzing his ups and downs with a refreshing candor. “I’m proud of the way I reacted to John Carter. I’m proud of the way I reacted to Battleship. I still have no regrets really. At the time in your life that these opportunities present themselves, I would have done it again knowing the circumstance and knowing what was going on. What I’m proud of is my work ethic throughout. I’ve never wavered. I feel like I’m getting better and better. I think Waco is a great example of that.”

“When you have people who believe in you and give you these chances, I just won’t let go of that opportunity,” he adds, his steadfast loyalty and gratitude to those who have seen him as more than just a pretty face unwavering. “I don’t know if it’s something I’ve learned; it’s something I’m proud of -- that I’ve, in that sense, kept grinding. It’s kind of all I know now. I’ve always -- in sports, in life -- there’s a way I make it where I have to grind, you know what I mean? It’s the underdog thing. It carries me or I carry that with me, whatever that is.”

Kitsch broke through in 2006 as Tim Riggins on 'Friday Night Lights,' a character he played for five seasons. In 2015, he starred in the maligned second season of 'True Detective.'

Getty Images/HBO

Kitsch has rarely spoken about the much-maligned second season of HBO’s True Detective, in which he portrayed closeted highway officer and ex-military man Paul Woodrugh. He acknowledges that the 2015 season was far from perfect though his experience was “really, really positive” (“Obviously, it’s not the best case that people didn’t react to it that way,” Kitsch says). While it may seem, from the outside at least, to have been a contributing factor in the long gap between TV projects, Kitsch assures that wasn’t the case. “I remember watching season one [of True Detective] -- I haven’t told anyone this -- and sitting in bed and I was like, ‘If I could f**king get on a show like that…,” he remembers. “You’re allowed to let go a lot easier when you understand you put everything you could that you had control over that you felt you knocked out. You can walk away a lot easier.”

Kitsch still keeps in touch with creator Nic Pizzolatto (“I’d go work with Nic tomorrow”) and he’s looking forward to the third installment with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali (“They got an amazing cast”). There’s an ounce of disappointment in his voice when he eventually evaluates what went wrong. “Season one was incredible and I think it’ll go down as all-time, and that says a lot because there is some amazing stuff in the last 30 years. I think the bar was crazy high, which I have no problem swinging for, but there were some constraints in the timing of it,” Kitsch says. “Sometimes you’re on a movie or you’re in a relationship and the magic just isn’t there, or you are in one and everything just seems to play out the right way. I’m sure I could speak for the other leads in it -- man, we were all proud to be there. Everyone came beyond prepared -- you have to when you’re working with Nic -- and we swung.”

Next for Kitsch is a tale that has stayed in his brain for the past several years, like an earworm that just won’t leave his head. Titled Pieces, Kitsch plans to write, direct, star and produce the feature film based on his 2014 short about three guys who grew up in the worst part of town with a sudden opportunity to change their kids’ and families’ lives. “It’s a bit savage-y. It’s a bit Western-y. It’s a grimy movie. Everything f**king goes crazy,” Kitsch says with a glint of excitement piercing through his deep green eyes.

He’s never done anything this intensive before, executing his own idea from page to screen. Could this be Kitsch’s next chapter in his career? “We’ll see how this goes,” he says with an anxious laugh. Asked if he’s nervous about jumping into something so deeply personal that will truly be his, Kitsch didn’t mince words: “You should be. Hopefully, I’m nervous about my next job too. It’s a story that won’t leave me. I want to do this and I want to do it my way.”

RELATED CONTENT:

'True Detective' Officially Picked Up for Season 3 With Mahershala Ali -- Find Out Who He's Playing!

Taylor Kitsch Reveals He Slept on the Subway Before His Big Break, Calls Himself 'White Trash'

'Friday Night Lights' Cast Reunites to Celebrate 10-Year Anniversary at ATX Television Festival