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lokiondisneyplus · 3 years ago

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Natalie Holt's timeline was turned upside down last fall when she landed the highly-coveted composer gig for Marvel Studios' Loki series on Disney+.

"My agent got a general call-out looking for a composer on a Marvel project," she tells SYFY WIRE during a conversation over Zoom. "So, I didn’t know what it was. It was [described as] spacey and quite epic ... I sent in my show reel and then got an interview and got sent the script and then I realized what it was for. I was like, ‘Oh my god!’ It was amazing ... Loki was already one of my favorite characters, so I was really stoked to get to give him a theme and flesh him out in this way."

***WARNING! The following contains certain plot spoilers for the first four episodes of Loki!***

Imbued with glorious purpose, Holt knew the score had to match the show's gonzo premise about the Time Variance Authority, an organization that secretly watches over and manages every single timeline across the Marvel multiverse. The proposition of such an out-there sci-fi concept inspired the composer to bring in uniquely strange sounds, courtesy of synthesizers and a theremin.

"I got my friend, Charlie Draper, to play the theremin on my pitch that I had to do," she recalls. "They gave me a scene to score, which I’m sure they gave to loads of other composers. It was the Time Theater sequence in Episode 1. The bit from where he goes up the elevator and then into the Time Theater ... I just went to town on it and I wanted to impress them and win the job and put as many unusual sounds in there and make it as unique as possible."

The end result was a weird, borderline unnatural sound that wouldn't have felt out of place in a 1950s sci-fi B-movie about big-headed alien invaders. Rather than being turned off by Holt's avant garde ideas, Marvel Studios head honcho Kevin Feige embraced them, only giving the composer a single piece of feedback: "Push it further."

Holt admits that she was slightly influenced by Thor: Ragnarok ("I loved the score for it and everything"), which wasn't afraid to lean into the wild, Jack Kirby-created ideas floating around Marvel's cosmic locales. Director Taika Waititi's colorful and bombastic set pieces were perfectly complimented by an '80s-inspired score concocted by Devo co-founder, Mark Mothersbaugh.

"To be honest, I tried not to listen to it on its own," Holt says of the Ragnarok soundtrack. "I didn’t want to be too influenced by it. I watched the film a couple of times a few years ago, so yeah, I don’t think I was heavily referencing it. But I definitely had a memory of it in my mind."

After boarding Loki last September, Holt spent the next six months (mostly in lockdown) crafting a soundtrack that would perfectly reflect the titular god of mischief played by Tom Hiddleston. One of the first things she came up with was the project's main theme — a slightly foreboding cue that pays homage to the temporal nature of the TVA, as well as the main character's flair for the dramatic. "He always does things with a lot of panache and flair, and he’s very classical in his delivery."

She describes it as an "over-the-top grand theme with these ornate flourishes" that plays nicely with Loki's Shakespearean aura. "I wanted those ornaments and grand gestures in what I was doing. Then I also wanted to reflect that slightly analog world of the TVA where everything has lots of knobs and buttons ... [I wanted to] give it that slightly grainy, faded [and] vintage-y sci-fi sound as well."

"I just wanted it to feel like it had this might and weight — like there was something almost like a requiem about it," Holt continues. "These chords that are really powerful and strident and then they’ve got this blinking [sound] over the top. I just came up with that when I was walking down the street and I hummed it into my phone. There’s a video where you can just see up my nose and I’m humming [the theme]. I came home and I played it."

As a classically-trained musician, Holt drew on her love of Mahler, Dvořák, Beethoven, Mozart, and most importantly, Wagner. A rather fitting decision, given that an actual Valkyrie (played by Tessa Thompson) exists within the confines of the MCU.

"I would say those flourishes over the top of the Loki theme are very much Wagner," Holt says. "They’re like 'Ride of the Valkyries.’ I wanted people to kind of recall those big, classical, bombastic pieces and I wanted to give that weight to Loki’s character. That was very much a conscious decision to root it in classical harmony and classical writing ... There’s a touch of the divine to the TVA. It’s in charge of everything, so that’s why those big powerful chords [are there]. I wanted people almost to be knocked off their socks when they heard it."

With the main theme in place, Holt could then play around with it in different styles, depending on the show's different narrative needs. Two prime examples are on display in the very first episode during Miss Minutes' introductory video and the flashback that reveals Loki to be the elusive D.B. Cooper.

"What was really fun was [with] each episode, I got to pull it away and do a samba version of the theme or do a kind of ‘50s sci-fi version of the theme," she explains. "I can’t say other versions of the theme because they’re in Episode 5 and 6…or like when Mobius is pruned, I did this really heartfelt and very emotional [take on the theme] when you see Loki tearing up as he’s going down in slow motion down that corridor. It was cool to have the opportunity to try out so many different styles and genres. And it was big enough to take it all. It was a big enough story."

The other side of the story speaks to the old world grandeur of Loki's royal upbringing on Asgard, a city amongst the stars that eventually found its way into Norse mythology.

"I went to a concert in London three years ago and I heard these Norwegian musicians playing in this group called the Lodestar Trio," Holt recalls. "They do a take on Bach, where they’re kind of giving it a folk-y twist … [They use] a nyckelharpa and a Hardanger fiddle — they’re two historic Norwegian folk instruments. I just remembered that sound and I was like, ‘Oh, I have to use those guys in our score.’ It seemed like the perfect thing. I was like, ‘Yes, the North/Norwegian folk instruments.’ It just felt like it was the perfect thing for his mother and Asgard and his origins."

That folk-inspired sound also helped shape the music for Sylvie (played by Sophia Di Martino), a female variant of Loki with a rather tragic past. "Obviously, we’ve seen in Episode 4 what happened to her as a child," Holt says. "I just feel like she’s so dark. She’s basically grown up living in apocalypses, so she has that Norwegian folk violin sound, but her theme is incredibly dark and menacing and also, you don’t see her. She’s just this dark figure who’s murdering people for a while."

And then there were all the core members of the TVA to contend with. As Holt mentioned above, fans recently lost Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson), may he rest in prune. We mean peace. What? Too soon? During a recent interview with SYFY WIRE, Loki head writer Michael Waldron said that he based Mobius off of Tom Hanks's dogged FBI agent Carl Hanratty in 2002's Catch Me If You Can.

"There’s this thing that he loves jet ski magazines," Holt says. "I had this character in my head and then when I saw Owen Wilson’s performance, I was like, ‘Oh, he’s actually a lot lighter and he plays it in a different way from how I’d imagined.’ But I was listening to Bon Jovi and those slightly rock-y anthemic things. ‘90s rock music for some reason was my Mobius sound palette."

Mobius is pruned on the orders of his longtime friend, Ravonna Renslayer (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), after learning that everyone who works for the TVA is a variant who was unceremoniously plucked out of their original timelines. A high-ranking member of the quantum-based agency, Renslayer has a theme that "is quite tied in with Mobius and it’s like a high organ," Holt adds. "It doesn’t quite know where it’s going yet. But yeah, we’ll have to see what happens with that one."

Wilson's character isn't the only person fed up with the TVA's lies. Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) also became disillusioned with the place and allowed Sylvie to escape in the most recent episode

"Hunter B-15 has this moment in Episode 4 where Sylvie shows her her past, her memories. I thought that was a really powerful moment for her," Holt says. I feel like she’s such a fighter and when she comes into the Time-Keepers and she makes that decision, like, ‘I’m switching sides,’ so her theme is more like a drum rhythm. I actually kind of sampled my voice and you can hear that with the drums. I did loads of layers of it, just like this horrible sliding sound with this driving rhythm underneath it. So, that was B-15 and then her softer side when she has her memory given back to her."

Speaking of the Time-Keepers, we finally got to meet the creators of the Sacred Timeline...or at least we thought we did. Loki and Sylvie are shocked to learn that the red-eyed guardians of reality are nothing but a trio of high-end animatronics (ones that could probably be taken out by a raging Nicolas Cage). Even before Sylvie manages to behead one of them, something definitely feels off with the Time-Keepers, which meant Holt could underscore the uncanny valley feeling in the score.

"When they walked in for their audience with the Time-Keepers, it was like this huge gravitas," she says. "But you look up and there’s something a bit wrong about them. I don’t know if you felt that or if you just totally believed. You were like, ‘Oh, this is so strange.’ I just felt like there was something a little bit off and musically, it was fun to play around with that."

Holt is only the second solo female composer to work on an MCU project, following in the footsteps of Captain Marvel's Pinar Toprak. Her involvement with Loki represents the studio's growing commitment to diversity, both in front of and behind the camera. This Friday will see the wide release of Black Widow, the first Marvel film to be helmed solely by a woman (Cate Shortland). Four months after that, Chloé Zhao's Eternals will introduce the MCU's first openly gay character into the MCU.

"I just feel like it’s an honor and a privilege to have had that chance to be the second woman to score a thing in the MCU and to be in the same league as those incredible composers like Mothersbaugh and Alan Silvestri. They're just legends," Holt says. "Another distinctive thing about [the show] is that all the heads of department are pretty much women. Marvel are showing themselves to be really progressive and supportive and encouraging. I applaud [them]. Whatever they’re doing seems to be working and people seem to be liking it as well, so that’s awesome."

Holt's score for Vol. 1 of Loki (aka Episodes 1-3) are now streaming on every music-based platform you could think of. Episodes 1-4 are available to watch on Disney+ for subscribers. Episode 5 (the show's penultimate installment) debuts on the platform this coming Wednesday, July 7.

Natalie isn't able to give up any plot spoilers for the next two episodes (no surprise there), but does tease "the use of a big choir" in one of them. "Episode 6, I’m excited for people to hear it," she concludes. "That’s all I can say."

#Natalie Holt #composer #Loki #OST

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bronyinabottle · 3 years ago

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MY LITTLE PONY: A NEW GENERATION (G5 Movie) THOUGHTS

It’s finally here. The beginning of Generation 5. Though before I get into the movie in some detail I’m going to reiterate one more time what G5 means for my content and a non-spoilery summary of the movie.

Again, I will say that the movie nor will the G5 series coming later have much of an effect at all on any of my blogs. The revelation in Secrets of the Dragon’s Tear that life itself is also magic means that a world that implied to have no magic for years would mean the extinction of all life (Perhaps resulting in the wasteland we saw in the Season 5 finale). There may be something I’ll probably do at some point on a certain different blog. But even then, that may likely be a one-time thing and probably come around the time the series is starting to air.

That said, just because I’m continuing with mainly G4 content doesn’t mean I disapprove of G5. In fact, my non-spoilers thoughts on the movie is I think it is a good start for this new generation. There are questions I have that I’m not sure will be answered (Though many of those questions are the same ones I had in my Trailer/Preliminary thoughts) quickly enough. But the movie is structured well enough, in fact it’s probably a better movie as a whole compared to any of the movies G4 had (The 2017 movie, Rainbow Roadtrip, and all 4 Equestria Girls movies). As the 2017 movie was fun, but it jumped around a lot, sometimes scenes transitioning too fast. And while Rainbow Roadtrip may have been this on purpose, the entirely slice-of-life story taking up a long length… made it something of a less interesting plot to follow. It feels like some of that special could of been cut to at least a two-parter length and keep the same beats they hit. And while i have a soft spot for the 3rd and 4th Equestria Girls movies, I’ll always say a full-length pony adventure feels better suited for what I want to see out of MLP then spin-off movies with high school movie cliches and weird pony/human world shenanigans.

So movie-wise I’m not a G4 purist. It’ll take some time to see how Gen 5 compares to Friendship is Magic when we get to the series. As I feel it’d take a lot for it to surpass G4 in my mind. But I’m going to try to be as fair as possible and judge on it’s own merits. The implied connection to G4 by referring to G4 being ancient Equestria is going to naturally get the staff and hasbro pressured by fans to tell us what happened in-between the generations. Because that’s the trap they put the writers in when they made it so they want to try to say it’s in the same universe. That’s the double-edged sword Hasbro chose to have, trying to appease the G4 fanbase and keep at least some of them around. But at the cost of questions both nitpicky (Such as character design being inconsistent) or actual honest questions that need to be known (Why did magic disappear, and what happened to the Alicorns) for some of us to truly see this as the same Equestria.

After the break, I’ll have more spoilery thoughts

Even for a brief moment, it was nice seeing the Mane 6 and 2D animation. The former because of course those are the ponies many of us that saw all of G4 loved. And the latter, because while the animation wasn’t bad in this movie. I’m one of those who’d prefer to have 2D animation in an animated film. As in most cases aside from Pixar, it’s just a strong preference of mine. If this had the animation of the 2017 MLP movie but otherwise everything else was generally the same here, I feel that would of have been great.

I wish they didn’t have to have Sunny’s dad die off-screen, as he seems like he could of been a compelling character. And not to mention if perhaps he has any connection the “ancient” days in any fashion. But *sigh* I get it, it’s an old trope where part of the character’s offscreen growth is not having their parent(/s) around.

On a side note there’s quite a few times during the beginning of the movie that somewhat foreshadow what happens to Sunny later. 3 times where she had a fake horn and wings on her. Once in the flashback, then 2 separate times when she’s doing her protest where she has her own costumed wings and horn. As well as the helmet and mechanical wings.

Also, there’s no way around it. Some of the discussions this movie are going to get quite political. (Namely one part of Sunny’s song that could be seen as having a double meaning of a jab at Trumpsts regarding “Building your wall”) From the very premise in the early times, we know that the inspiration for the story was last year’s Black Lives Matter protests. Which honestly, I do support the message they’re going for. Having an anti-racism message to tell kids from the very beginning and making a focus on it is important when in G4 it only got briefly touched upon in Bridle Gossip and the Heath’s Warming Eve play. Although it certainly rose up to some form of prominence with Season 8 and onward. Still, while you can argue if G4 executed the anti-racism message well. it does come with something of a problem that the series finale left Equestria in the least divided it’s ever been.

And personally, I feel it’s a terrible interpretation of time to say “Well, it’s a realistic take. Racism has existed for years in our world. Same should go for the ponies” and while yes, racism is still rampant in today’s world. That said, that ignores that if we went from The Last Problem to the start of G5. There’s a huge difference between our world and Equestria. There is no ancient civilization that we look at like “Yeah, those were the golden days of world peace” when normally the “Golden age” was reserved for the high classes of Ancient Greece or Rome. It was most decidedly not perfect, with slavery rampant and wars for the sake of expanding an empire. While if you look at The Last Problem’s Equestria, you not only have peace between the three main types of ponies. But you literally have non-pony citizens in Equestria. You can see a dragon handing off a flower to a pony which can imply cross-species romantic relations. With the Friendship school still going strong, and was the reason that the world was saved in The Ending of the End. While perhaps it may be too glowing to say that future is perfect for everyone even in-universe. It’s certainly a hell of a lot better outlook then comparing to how we view even the so called Golden age of ancient civilizations. The Last Problem’s Equestria implies it looks to ally with every country outside of Equestria, not conquer them.

So it should still be a valid question on just how this world collapses to the point it gets to where G5 is at the start. I at least assume that it’s not the fault at all of any of the Mane 6 nor Twilight. Or at least I hope it isn’t, as I’d rather the MLP fanbase not have to deal with a The Last Jedi Luke Skywalker situation. (Where after the joyful end of the original trilogy, things go wrong as Luke almost murders the son of one of his best friends and his sister despite trying to hard and succeeding at redeeming his father who at that point in the canon was a galaxy-wide known ruthless mass-murderer.) I assume we’re at a point where everyone of the Mane 6 sans maybe Twilight are presumed dead. And even in Twilight’s case, there’s a chance that G5 decides to say that G4 overestimated the whole Alicorn immortality thing. Though I wouldn’t put it past Hasbro to have some event where the Mane 5 of G5 meet the Mane 6 in some special event whether that’s a a Season finale or a sequel movie/special. Where either the Mane 6 return in a limbo situation similar to the Pillars at the end of Season 7 or Time travel gets involved. They may even string us along on answering just what in the heck happened until they involve a meet-up with the Mane 6 in that way. Though I hope they don’t, I’d really like the beginning of the series (Or I guess this supposed special coming up in Spring supposedly?) starts to answer some questions. G5 should get a chance to stand on it’s own, but I hope the writers are actually well aware there will be so many questions people have and address them in the show. A cynical part of me feels like they’re likely to string us along until at least the Season 1 finale.

Onto the characters for a bit. I think Izzy Moonbow was absolutely the most stand-out character in the whole movie. She was energetic, funny, and aside from “The pegasi are bad news” she along with Zipp and Sunny were the most averse to the way the world was. She was already the most popular due to the tennis ball memes. But now it feels like she legit stands on her own and most certainly deserves to be the most popular character of G5 thus far. Behind her in a bit of a surprise to me was Zipp, who I thought would be mainly a Rainbow Dash-expy. Though she really helps out Izzy and Sunny in Zephyr Heights. Despite having Twilight be my favorite pony from the very beginning of G4 all the way to the end, I didn’t feel as strongly about Sunny for some reason. So she’s in the middle of the pack, she could grow on me later. I just don’t know if I click with her as much as I did with Twilight. As for the last two, while I don’t hate either of them. Either one could be the lowest of the 5 for one reason or another. Pipp (Although I will say she's probably my favorite character design out of the 5) feels like she doesn’t do a whole lot in the movie and it takes until she’s forced to be an outlaw because the other choice was to get imprisoned like her mother was. So she may come off as quite pretentious, though it’s arguable Rarity was the same way early in G4. But she definitely grew later. Could be the same case for Pipp. And as for Hitch, he has shining moments in the film. But what might hurt him is the fact he was such a bad friend to Sunny up until the campfire scene. “I’m the last real friend you have. You really want to lose me too?” is not a healthy friendship. Hitch may have been Sunny’s friend the longest, but it definitely feels like Izzy connected immediately. I don’t know if this show will get into shipping any of the main characters between each other mid-show, but if they do. I hope it’s between Izzy and Sunny currently, cause Hitch and Sunny just gives bad vibes even with Hitch getting better later.

None of the songs I felt were particularly too special. Though I think the closest was Sprout’s “Danger, Danger” song that has similarities to Smells Like Teen Spirit in some parts of the song since I tend towards more rock/metal-esque music.

I touched upon it earlier, but there’s perhaps a stand-out reason for why the G5 movie outdid the 2017 MLP Movie. They have the typical “Our heroic group splits after a sad moment before coming together again for the climatic good end” in Sunny seeing that that the two crystals don’t instantly bring magic back, and when Twilight left the group after an argument that happened with Twilight trying to take a pearl. They perform the same purpose in the movie. But the crystals not working, crushing Sunny’s hope for a little while works better into the story. Where as Twilight’s part frustratingly brought the sea pony scene to an end too quickly and/or doesn’t feel right of Twilight to have done that. It felt forced in the 2017 movie, but works out in the G5 movie. Especially since a part of it is that it’s not the crystals themselves capable of bringing magic back. But it’s the journey going after the crystals that brings the ponies themselves their magic back.

Just a small note on dictator Sprout, he tries to cause a war. Though admittedly the film seems to treat him as a joke the entire time despite his seriously evil ambitions. With the only repercussions is he gets a wishy-washy answer on if he was a good sheriff from his mom. I don’t quite know how I feel about that yet, but I wonder what they’ll have in mind for Sprout given his actions. He and his mom are the only ones that feel like a true antagonist. Though they seem to be ok with things fast when the magic comes back.

But anyway on to the ending, we see that Sunny becomes an Alicorn. Which I guess with no other real Alicorns around, I guess it makes sense to alicornify her since she’s the real leader behind what united the leaders of each type of pony again. Though there is of course this weird thing where her horn and wings don’t seem like as much a part of her body compared to very obvious connected wings on Twilight when she got hers. Sunny keeps her horn and wings to the end of the movie, and has colored streaks in her hair. Though I do wonder if that;s truly permanent. If it is permanent, I suppose at least they got to have a headstart and have it established at the end of the introductory movie rather then have it shock people at the end of a shortened 3rd season. I still feel like Twilight had well earned her alicornhood considering that besides what she did in the series. She has a whole childhood and time as a teenager learning under Celestia. Which had to mean something, and I’m not sure Celestia just leaving her to live the rest of her days with her friends in ponyville was that. Sunny has no doubt been trying countless time to try to spread friendship throughout her life even after the tragedy of her father’s passing. So there’s no doubt she’s been through a lot, and may indeed be worthy of being an Alicorn at this point. Though in terms of screentime before Alicornhood it's definitely a lot less then Twilight had. And it is at least nice to see that it is possible for non-unicorns to become one. (The only case of that we sort of got was a children's book that may or may not be canon that implied Cadence was a pegasus before she ascended)

Though you have to wonder if the visual differences such as Sunny’s alicorn horn and wings, the cutie mark only on one side (Yes I know that’s how it was normally in the MLP generations before G4. But a distinct visual difference between shows is still noticeable even if the context of G4’s cutie marks on both sides of the flank was about it being easier on the puppets for Flash), and how animals can have wings or weird round shapes such as those bunnies when G4 has normal looking animals. There’s enough striking visual differences for any nitpicky G4 to say “This isn’t the same Equestria”. And if someone tries to say maybe some sort of evolution happened. That’s still trying to put a little too much real world logic on this fantasy world. And evolution tends to take millions of years to have such dramatic changes. Not 1000 years or so, there should still be normal looking animals at this point and time. And these small details are probably going to be the things most ignored but nonetheless can build a case that this isn’t the same Equestria. Even if they touch on the important questions like how magic disappeared and what happened to the Mane 6, there will be details they make different that will add to the case that this is it’s own universe if it doesn’t quite matchup with what was remembered about G4. There will be fans who will be that nitpicky to call G5 out of continuity for small details like that. That is again the trap they put themselves in when they decided to try to say it’s the same Equestria.

All-in-all though, I think that’s at least a good enough chunk about my thoughts on the movie to end off here. If there’s something I missed or something from the movie you’d like me to give a particular opinion about or elaborate on something feel free to ask me here. G5 is indeed off to a good start, just I will be along the many hoping some questions get answered sooner then later. And I’m not sure I’m confident in getting anywhere until a Season finale or a 2nd movie. And it’ll be a year before the series starts proper (Though again I guess there’s a 44 minute special coming in Spring to try to hold us over). But I could definitely see G5 finding it's own following, now there's just the inevitable clashes between some of the more vocal fans of each generation bickering at eachother. But hoping there will be enough that take the movie's lessons on divisiveness to heart and be able to enjoy both even if there may be preferences.

#mlp #my little pony #g5 #mlp g5 #netflix #my little pony the next generation #my little pony movie #generation 5

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imaginedmelody · 4 years ago

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Thanksgiving “Community” Fic Rec Post!

It’s been a hot second since I posted fic recs on this blog! When I went to put this list together, the “Community” fics vastly outnumbered everything else I was planning to include. So I’m dividing this into 2 posts: you’ll get the “Community” ones now, so I can take time to track down some of my faves from other fandoms.

Not to sound saccharine, but Thanksgiving is about gratitude, and the Community fandom is the one I’m most grateful for this year. Both the show and the people I’ve met because of it made 2020 go from a hell year to...well, a slightly more bearable hell year, if we’re honest. And the fandom produces some damn good fics. So here they are, in no particular order, for your quarantine reading pleasure! And be sure to let me know your favorites that I might have missed!

1. “Advanced Companion Reconciliation” by adorations; Troy/Abed, not rated, complete (but part of a series marked in-progress)

This is one of the first fics that really stood out to me when I started getting into Community fic in the late spring/early summer of this year. The fandom is filled with post-series reunion fics where Troy goes to find Abed in LA, and this one is particularly exquisite. The whole story is wonderful, but I’ll go ahead and publicly state that Chapter 4 of this fic is one of the best single pieces of writing I read on AO3 this year. The level of intimacy and understanding and protectiveness between the characters, even in a non-romantic context, is mind-blowing. Their relationship just builds and builds beautifully.

2. “Lessons in Adjustment” and “Remedial Recovery” by biggod ( @nadir-barnes ); Troy/Abed, mature (LiA) / explicit (RR), complete (but part of a series marked in-progress)

A tender, angsty, but absolutely beautiful pair of fics- the first about chronic illness, the second about mental health. It can be a real gamble to take characters from a piece of comedic media and write about them undergoing scary and sad things, but Cherie does it perfectly here. This series will break your heart and make it soar at the same time, because even as Abed struggles to face a painful (and painfully realistic) diagnosis, the love between the characters and their humanity just shines right through. By the end of “Remedial Recovery,” I could feel that moment of learning to wake up to life again just like the characters were. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

3. “Studies in Evolution of Affection” by onemechanicalalligator ( @1mechanicalalligator ); Jeff/Abed, explicit, complete

There are some writers where the main barrier to including them in rec posts like this is that you want to rec everything they’ve written. Maya is absolutely one of those writers. Her fics may not have been the first I read when I joined the fandom, but they were one of the first where I began to make friends, to have conversations and feel like an active participant in the fandom. Like Cherie (above), Maya has also written fics about the characters going through dark situations, especially Abed dealing with mental illness and Jeff recovering from alcoholism (both of which, while dealt with more seriously in her fics than in the show, are canon-compliant aspects of the characters). And there is a special place in my heart for those, but if I had to choose one fic to recommend out of all of her dozens of works, it would be this one. Jeff/Abed is a rarer, more niche pairing, but one with incredible potential, since both Jeff and Abed are damaged in their own ways (and often understand each other better than the others, especially in the later seasons- even when they’re at odds). Each of the chapters is a little glimpse into a different scenario as Jeff and Abed’s relationship develops. Some of them are connected, and some are more stand-alone, but they’re all filled with lovely fluff and hurt/comfort.

4. “Seminar on the Legality of RomCom Tropes” by ama ( @greenandhazy ); Troy/Abed, teen, complete

No joke, this fic may actually have made me cry a little from all the emotions it gave me. It definitely made me gasp and burrow into the pillows smiling and say “awww” out loud. It starts with a pretty solid romantic comedy fake-dating premise: instead of Pierce requiring Troy to sail around the world to earn his $14 million inheritance, the conditions in this fic are that he must get married in one month and remain married for at least a year. After trying and failing to find a partner, Abed agrees to marry him to fulfill the terms of the agreement. And this begins an epic slow-burn for the ages, that rivals any romance movie I’ve watched in recent memory. The way they have to act like a happily married couple while, at the same time, not acknowledging their growing feelings for each other- it’s so beautiful and the longing is exquisite. By the time it ended, the joy I felt was incredible. This is the only single-chapter non-series fic on this list, so if you’re looking to read just one standalone, this is a perfect heartwarming choice.

5. “Basic Heartbreak Repair” by lgbtrobed ( @lgbtrobed ); Troy/Abed, explicit, complete as of TODAY!

While we’re on the topic of slow-burn... This fic is another perfect example of that. It sets up a scenario where the study group reunites in Colorado at Troy’s house, which they are using for Jeff and Britta’s wedding, years after the finale. They’ve kept in touch, but Troy and Abed have only seen each other once since Troy got back from his time at sea- and they’ve never discussed their feelings. The romantic buildup between them is just amazing; they’ve had all this distance, so things feel new, but at the same time it’s palpable how well they know each other. So every little step they take towards one another is absolutely note-perfect.

I can easily think of a dozen amazing fics that I didn’t even have room to include on this list. This fandom is full of some of the most ridiculously talented writers you can imagine. And now that the show is on Netflix streaming and enjoying a revival of popularity, there’s more fandom activity than it’s seen in years. I can’t wait to see what amazing works are waiting for us in 2021!

#community #trobed #jabed #imaginedmelody recommends fanfics

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twh-news · 3 years ago

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Loki' composer on how her MCU score reflects the main character's flair for the dramatic

By Josh Weiss

Natalie Holt's timeline was turned upside down last fall when she landed the highly-coveted composer gig for Marvel Studios' Loki series on Disney+.

***WARNING! The following contains certain plot spoilers for the first four episodes of Loki!***

The other side of the story speaks to the old world grandeur of Loki's royal upbringing on Asgard, a city amongst the stars that eventually found its way into Norse mythology.

Wilson's character isn't the only person fed up with the TVA's lies. Hunter B-15 (Wunmi Mosaku) also became disillusioned with the place and allowed Sylvie to escape in the most recent episode

#Loki #loki series #natalie holt #Loki spoilers #loki series spoilers #Article #Interview #SYFY #Long post

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shinidamachu · 3 years ago

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I just read RT's interviews and we were totally robbed of more MirSan kids. Them just stopping at three kids always seemed odd to me and now with her comment on how she could see them with more kids solidifies that. Not to mention Moroha being born relatively later in the InuKag marriage? Pffft how convenient for the plot Sunrise 🙄

Is this the “hogosha” interview or a different, new one? I don’t keep up with what Takahashi says so I totally rely on you guys for that (thank you, by the way).

To be honest, I was totally fine with the Mirsan kids we got. I agree with you that it was a bit odd they didn’t have even more children, considering their characters and the enviroment they’re in. And like you said, Takahashi commenting how she could see them with more kids solidifies that. So yeah, I understand why people would feel robbed.

It just never was an issue that bothered me, personally. Especially because when the series ended, Miroku and Sango were still young and in love. There was (or is) nothing stopping them from having more kids or us from making headcanons, fanfictions or fanarts where they do. Yashahime being official content doesn’t make it canon. The possibilities are still pretty much there.

Now, Moroha being born relatively late in the Inukag marriage is just a slap on the face, for a ton of reasons.

By no means I think Inukag would have children right away. They did spend three whole years apart. That’s a lot of time. There’s so many things they need to catch up on, so many issues they need to sort out. And after they do, it’s only natural that they got to live that “honeymoon” phase, where they can just enjoy each other’s company and make up for the lost time without the additional responsiblility of raising a child. They deserve that alone time. It’s something both of them would appreciate.

Plus, Kagome is a responsible woman, with modern knowledge of pregnancy and birth control. She would never have children with Inuyasha until they were both ready and on the same page. It’s only natural that Inuyasha would be a bit relutant. Pregnancy can be dangerous. Besides, there was always the possibility of Kagome getting as ostracized as his mother got for it. And Inuyasha never really had a father figure to look up to, so the idea of becoming one himself must be challenging and terrifying to him.

But of course, in Yashahime, none of that is remotely a thing and way too much time has passed in which Inukag was supposedly considering to have children while Sesshomaru just went there and did it. Sesshomaru, of all people. And not only one, but two children. With a human. Who apparently gave birth before Kagome did. And that human is Rin. Rin, of all people. See how the premise gets more and more strange with every new detail?

Inukag would have to wait, yes. But the exact amount of time they waited in Yashahime just made it look like the list of reasons I mentioned, the ones that would have fleshed out the characters decisions (and that was never showed on screen time, as much as I know), were just a secondary thing and the real reason they had to wait was an external decision (from the writers) so that Rin would be older and her pregnancy wouldn’t look as disturbing to the audience (it still did).

Do you realize how crazy that is? They turned the main characters of the original series into a plot device to favour a character that was pretty much a plot device on the original series. They made Sesshomaru, who canonically never even kissed anyone on screen, have sex. With a human, a race that by the end of the series, he was still not a fan of, with the exception of one, maybe two children. Producing hanyou twins, a race that by the end of the series, he still despised, given he never truly reconciled with his hanyou brother because he was a hanyou. And all of that with the girl, the child, he had helped by stepping on the role of her guardian and most trusted adult.

If Inukag, that had 193 episodes of development, had to wait, it makes no sense that Sesshomaru and Rin wouldn’t have to wait even more. Especially when the fans of that couple love to say how much Rin changed Sesshomaru’s intolerant ways and how their relationship shifted from platonic to romantic when she became an adult. If that was truly the case, time would be their friend, not their enemy. The more time has passed, more room Sesshomaru would have for character development and Rin could finally grow (literally and metaphorically) into the badass, independent woman they claim her to be. Only time would have made their situation remotely believable for some people (I personally still have more issues with the couple than just that) so it’s something they should have pursuing, rather than avoiding. But interestingly enough, most of the fans seem really fine with what they got.

The whole thing gets even more ridiculous when you remember the well sealing Inuyasha and Kagome away from each other. We debate and write about why it closed and why it opened againg, what it meant to the story plot wise. But the fact that Kagome was fifteen when the story began and the well spent exactly three years closed, makes pretty obvious what the intention was: to make Kagome eighteen when she decided to be with Inuyasha for good. Now look at the $essr!n situation and tell me if the well drama doesn’t feel futile and unnecessary in comparison. Kagome was older than Rin. Why did she have to stay away from her love interest and Rin didn’t, then? Why after all that trouble, Rin still had children before Kagome? At so much a younger age than Kagome?

So yeah, the Moroha being born relatively later issue makes me feel way more robbed (and frankly insulted) than the Mirsan kids thing. So does the fact that apparently all of the characters, especially Koga, Miroku and Sango thought that just because Inukag didn’t come back from the Sesshomaru and Wat’s-His-Name encounter, they were dead. And didn’t even seek justice for their so called friends. Or support their supposedly orphaned child.

I’m sorry for the rant, but this is only because I don’t take that shit as canon and never will. If I did, it would probably be even longer and way less polite.

#Peace

#AntiSessrin #AntiYashahime #AntiSunrise

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crazy-loca-blog · 4 years ago

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Personal thoughts on Open Heart Second Year, Chapter 20

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

That’s a wrap! I can’t believe Book 2 is over. And just like everyone, I didn’t know how I felt about the final chapter of the book… until I started writing this… and I had a realization just as our MC did (of course, this led me to write this post from scratch like three times!). You know… it wasn’t brilliant, but it wasn’t a bad ending… I’d say it was pretty correct… and maybe even better than we think it was. Let me show you why:

At the very beginning, I had this kind of bittersweet feeling, just like everyone else. But then I replayed the chapter a few times to try different options and routes, and I started noticing that the writers made some amazing job paying attention to many of the little details we got to see throughout the book and finding a way to put them all into the final chapter. Everything was a lesson, everything made sense and everything almost everything got a closure… and that’s just some awesome writing, guys. Trust me, I had a long list of complaints, but by now, my only complaint is that the chapter was way too short.

Let’s begin with the main issue of this chapter: Leland Bloom and the check. I had the same question as the MC for a whole week. Why would the man give a billion dollar check to a second year resident? And with the sneak peek it kind of hit me: Leland not only was trying to buy Edenbrook, he was also trying to buy us… because for him, it’s always about money. I could even see our MC going through the same dilemma that Jackie faced with Panacea. And I have this gut feeling that what we decided to do with the check may have an impact in Book 3.

To be honest, at first I didn’t pay much attention to the scenes with Sienna, Aurora and Elijah. Even though I have to admit I missed Kyra on this set of dialogs, I was glad to see that the writers gave us some time alone with them and I loved how different their answers were. However, I saw them as some kind of filler content… like “oh, we need to add an extra conversation with our friends because it’s the final chapter”.

The same applies to our LIs. At first, I didn’t know if asking our LIs for advice was a good idea unless you’re romancing Ethan (based on the fact that he’s also our mentor and the only person who knows Leland Bloom as much as we do). I would have even added Naveen and Harper to this set of dialogs, as this was more a professional thing than a personal issue and they would have surely given our MC a great piece of advice (especially Naveen!).

But then, it hit me. This wasn’t just a set of random conversations. Instead, the writers made an amazing job mixing the storylines of every one of our friends and LIs with the conversation about the check and Leland Bloom, and that led to different realizations based on who you chose to talk to. That was simply brilliant and it reminded me why I love this series so much… nothing on these books is written at random. Everything has a purpose and sooner or later, it always clicks.

Based on the same premise, can we talk about how our story with Esme seemed to be coming full circle? No matter how your relationship with her ended (at least not yet), we finished our story with her right where we started: healing her wounds. However, there is something that is kind of bothering me. During our conversation, Esme told us that Leland had reached an agreement with Levi’s family, so the lawsuit wasn’t a problem anymore. And here we go again. We know that Leland isn’t the type of person who does things just to help people… and now I can’t help wondering if he may have found a new ally in Esme. Will she keep the secondary role she got in Book 2 or will she become a more important character in Book 3?

Another cycle that was closed during this chapter was Kyra’s. I’m so glad that she was finally declared cancer-free (can we just stop for a moment and give Bryce the credit he deserves for this? PB didn’t do it, so we should!), but it kind of shocked me to see her go and realize we won’t be seeing her in Book 3, especially because she is part of our gang now. Her departure really got me wondering if this is PB’s way to prepare us for the final goodbye in Book 3. I’m also wondering what the writers have planned for Rafael. After all he went through, I’d really like to see him back in Edenbrook… but not as a paramedic. I know he said he wouldn’t go back to hospital life, but after all the physical therapy he got, I think this would actually be a great job for him. He loves to help people (and that’s something he won’t get rid of easily because it’s his nature), he loves exercising and, at the same time, he needs to calm down and take life slowly. I don’t know about you guys, but after all the complaints to have him back, and now that he’s finally fine, I need to have him around!

As per the romance with our LIs, please don’t laugh at me, but I think PB decided to ground us all. For a whole book this fandom has been so focused on “fighting” over LIs, that I can imagine the OH writers saying something like “You know what? Enough! Let’s remind them who is in charge of the narrative here!”… and that’s how they fooled us all.

However, if you’re romancing Bryce, Ethan or Rafael (sorry Jackie stans, maybe it’s because of the path I read, but I don’t feel the same about that relationship), they certainly gave us all those “we’re in a real relationship” vibes at the party… and at the private party as well. By now, I think there are some things that go without saying, and even though we’re probably not getting the content we thought we would have, things look very official to me. Sometimes you just don’t need words, you need actions, and those three guys have shown our MC all their love through them. Every piece of advice, every conversation, every small detail, even in the sex scenes you may see there has been an evolution… and I’m not talking about how kinky things became, but about what’s behind it… you can definitely see two people who trust each other, who feel confident about what they have, and who look like people in love. But of course, they won’t say those three words yet. I’ve always felt like PB is very respectful of the timing (not only in OH, but in their books in general), so I wouldn’t imagine them saying “ILY” right now, especially because after all the ups and downs of the plot, things are just starting to take their final shape for Book 3. But if I go back to the final 30 diamond scenes in Book 1 and compare them to the ones we got in Book 2, Chapter 20, you can safely say the relationships with all three male LIs are at a whole new level now.

Finally, one of the things that worried us the most was the insane amount of subplots this book had. Did they manage to give closure to all of them? Let’s see:

Aurora Emery: For a whole book, Aurora felt like she was “the lesser Emery”. We went back to college with her and we got to know about her struggles to make friends. Finally, she found her own closure in Chapter 17, after having an amazing heart to heart conversation with her aunt. So yes, her subplot did have a closure.

Sienna Trinh: Our sweetheart spent two whole books involved in toxic relationships: first, with her boyfriend, and then, with Mitch, her intern. Even though she only recognized the toxicity of her second relationship, I’m glad that she’s finding peace after losing Danny and I’m hoping for her to have an awesome Book 3 just because she deserves it. But yes, her subplot did have a closure.

Elijah Greene: Our boy was the first character who made it safe to Book 3. He had some issues when trying to keep boundaries with Sothy, his intern, and it seems our choice to help him or not, actually had an impact on the relationship between them both and in Sothy’s performance as an intern. So yes, his subplot definitely did have a closure.

Jackie Varma: Her conflict with Panacea was fully addressed in the Vegas chapter. However, we still don’t know if having her name in the list of doctors who received money will have some long-term effect. Will this be a topic they’ll rekindle in Book 3? I have a gut feeling that this might be one of the subplots that was carried to Book 3. So no, I’d say her subplot didn’t have a closure.

Bryce Lahela: The Lahela siblings subplot was one of my favorites of Book 2. Keiki is an awesome teenager, and seeing Bryce growing so much as a character was a delight and it made me really proud. He sacrificed everything for his sister, to the point he even swallowed his pride and talked to his parents to ask for help. So I’m glad to say that yes, this subplot had its happy ending and found its proper closure.

Rafael Aveiro: Book 2 was a such a self-discovery journey for Rafael. As I said last week, I think he was a mess the whole book, and I don’t think this had to do with the writing, but actually with the fact that, before the incident, he was questioning his life and everything he loved (even his feelings for our MC). The incident not only was a “rebirth” for him, it gave him a whole new perspective on life and it challenged him through his recovery process. Did he find closure? I don’t think so. Only the incident had a closure, his existential problems still have a long way to go.

Ethan Ramsey: Ethan had two face not only one, but two conflicts. The first one was personal: not only his mom returned after abandoning him 25 years ago… he had to deal with the fact that she was an addict. So even though it seems like everything was solved after he left her at the rehab center, I don’t think this is the last time we’ll see Louise, as there are some things that were left like hanging (for example, who was she talking on the phone when we first met her?). So… did this subplot have a closure? Probably yes, but I’m not a 100% sure. Then we had his professional conflict: the money problems were never about the money, but about being loyal to Naveen’s mission. Was this solved? Absolutely yes! It only took him a conversation with Naveen to realize that he could carry his mission wherever he goes.

Esme Ortega: Esme probably got the worst part when it comes to subplots. She actually had two of them and I don’t think any of them was properly solved. The first one was the harassment she suffered when we first met her. The “closure” was treating the guy for a serious illness, talking to him and then leaving the incident behind… or diagnosing him with dementia so he had to quit his job? I mean… really? And then we have Levi’s case. Sure, everything was properly solved after Leland Bloom and Levi’s family reached an understanding and avoided the lawsuit… but we’ll never know if she actually did it, won’t we? Where is the “resident-intern” confidentiality we talked about in Chapter 7? Sorry, but this is a HUGE NO for me.

I know there are some things I might be missing now, but I’m actually saving them for a future post. As per Book 3, my bet is that we’ll be having a new release in February, just to keep in line with the releases of the first two books. Will Book 3 be the last one of the series? Honestly… I don’t know. I know the series is supposed to be about our three-year residency, but now I have some doubts. First of all, medical drama is a topic where you can constantly add new content without necessarily repeating the formula. Also, the fact that was mentioned that Bryce’s residency lasts 4 years instead of three is kind of giving me some hope of a fourth book. Finally, let’s face it: Open Heart and The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir are currently the most successful series for PB. And after seven books, it’s time for the TRR gang to take a break. Maybe it’s time for Open Heart to pick up the slack.

Our MC: Even though I don’t think our MC had a plot that needed to find closure, the book certainly left us some uncertainties about their story. And the most important one is the lack of PTSD after the incident. Well… let me tell you that maybe not everything is lost. I was so curious about it that I actually did some research. And guess what? There is something called “delayed-onset PTSD”. This form of PTSD appears at least six months after a traumatic event, and in some cases, it even takes years to appear. However, this does not mean that an affected person has no PTSD symptoms prior to this six months period. This would match exactly with our MC’s behavior after the incident. So now that our friends issues seem to be mostly solved… maybe it’s time for our MC to face their own problems?

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fillingthescrapbook · 4 years ago

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Jupiter's Legacy: To Err is Human, to Bore is a Superpower

Spoiler Alert: I will be getting into a very detailed rant on why I think this is a well-written but ultimately bad show, so if you plan on watching it and don't want to be spoiled, scroll away now. Thanks!

Having seen the entirety of Jupiter's Legacy, I would say this series consists of three different shows fighting for time: the good (the story set in the past, where the first superheroes get their powers), the bad (anything that happens in the present, especially the finale), and the boring (all the stuff that's in between). And that battle for focus spoils the great moments that the show does have.

The biggest problem I have with the show, to be perfectly honest, was that it likes to repeat itself. Scenes from one episode pops up in another through flashback, or through a different perspective, or through echoes. And while it's sometimes a great narrative device, it isn't utilized well in Jupiter's Legacy because of one thing: there's no clear main character in the show to anchor that narrative device to.

Josh Duhamel's "The Utopian" might be front and center in the promos and publicity photos, but his character is more a nuisance and a plot device than anything else. Sure, he's central to the moral conflict of the show--but he's not the one at the crossroads. He's an immovable object that causes the dilemma; he's neither the solution, nor the character who needs to make a choice.

Of all the other characters, the only two that has actual progression are Lady Liberty (Leslie Bibb) and Brainwave (Ben Daniels). Lady Liberty, in the past, is a woman who chases after the truth. In the present, she becomes subservient to the Utopian. And during the show, she (very) slowly regains her agency to think for herself.

Brainwave is presented as a sympathetic character you're supposed to root for. But certain acting and directing choices made throughout the series clearly paints him as a budding antagonist. A much bigger antagonist, it turns out, by the finale episode. But at least his character had a trajectory.

Brandon (Andrew Horton) had more potential in that he was the most affected by the show's thesis of how can good ultimately be effective when it lets evil survive; his character is the one who starts the conflict that propels the show forward. Unfortunately, the show completely forgets about him by Episode 3. By the time the show deigns him important again, in Episode 7, he's had an off-screen epiphany that he needs to follow his father's example. Only for the finale to take that development back again.

Which leads me to another problem I have with Jupiter's Legacy; the story-telling choices it made are... not great. While I stand by my initial statement that the show is well-written (except for the seventh episode), it feels like the episodes are written with no thought of what came before or what comes after.

Like, going back to Brandon's character; the first episode forced him to make a choice: kill the bad guy or let his family die. He chose to kill the bad guy. It's a decision that puts his father, the Utopian, in a bad light because he was the one who made the rule that heroes aren't supposed to kill. Episode 2 is supposed to deal with this fallout, but instead Brandon is sent to a farm while the main story focuses on the Utopian trying to reconnect with his other child: Chloe. A storyline that doesn't even get picked up again in the remaining episodes.

Episode 2 ends with funerals. The parallelism between how the funeral in the past ignites the story forward, while the funeral in the present signals the beginning of an ending is great. The moment Brandon has trying to reach out to the surviving family of one of the dead heroes is spot on. But neither timelines have any impact to the viewers because the characters are seemingly pushed by plot instead of by their traits, leaving the episode like a computer-generated piece of art: beautiful but emotionless.

And instead of continuing Brandon's journey and his relationship with his family, Episode 3 focuses instead on a new character: a petty thief with a super-powered crew. Hutch (Ian Quinlan) is a charismatic enough antihero, but he has no card to play in the game yet. The episode writer weaves in Hutch's story well with flashbacks of who George (Matt Lanter) was; so well that when it's revealed that Hutch is George's son, it doesn't feel out of the blue. Unfortunately, neither Hutch's story nor George's moves the story of the first two episodes forward. Instead, the episode feels unnecessary. Like the two episodes that follow it.

Things only get moving again in Episode 6, the episode that follows Lady Liberty in the past and present. She gets a great scene with new hero Ghost Beam (Kara Royster) who needlessly dies because she upholds the Utopian's code--but the whole episode only feels necessary because we've wasted so much time on non-essential character-building that the show needed to remind the viewers of what the show's main premise was. And by this time, the show has already lost all its momentum, and outside of Lady Liberty and Brainwave, no other characters has developed enough to make us want to root for the good guys to win.

This is Episode 6. The season only has eight episodes. Why did the show waste so much time?

Meanwhile the story being told in the flashbacks are being allowed room to breathe. Too much room, to be perfectly honest. While I get that they allow for great parallels in the individual episode, the actual decision to make them play out throughout the season instead of grounding them to just one episode feels like it was made for style rather than substance.

I mean, I know that Matt Lanter is a charming actor who needs to be in all the episodes--but how about writing him a better character that appears both in the past and present? Instead of just prolonging his screen time by stretching the flashbacks so much they felt like they had their own show?

And don't even get me started on the way they treated their characters of color. What was the point of diversifying your cast if you were just going to shortchange them anyway? Fitz (Mike Wade) had a great characterization in the flashbacks, but he just existed in the present timeline. His daughter Petra (Tenika Davis) would've been a great foil--and maybe love interest--for Brandon, but she too was underutilized. Anna Akana's Raikou was wasted, and the end they gave for her character was bordering on criminal. And I could go on and on, but I wouldn't. Because I'm tired and I already spent way too much energy on this show.

Steven Deknight did such a great job when he was the showrunner for Daredevil's first season on Netflix. I don't understand how he went from that to this: a show that talks a lot but says nothing. Beautiful but emotionless.

#Jupiter's Legacy #Netflix #tv review #tv talk #my words

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finnlongman · 3 years ago

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If you don't mind me asking, as a writer, is there anything you do to motivate yourself/stay focused on one particular idea/project? Like, keeping yourself from having another idea mid-work and having an "ooo shiny" moment, and leaving the old work to be an Emer to the new idea's Fand (to make a clumsy Ulstsr Cycle joke)? I've been trying to get a bit more serious about writing recently and this is an issue I've been running into. Thank you in advance if you do answer this ask.

I always have multiple projects in my brain, but I generally have a one-track mind when I'm actually working on things. It's why I'll obsessively edit a novel in three weeks and then go back to doing academic work -- my brain won't let me do both at once, so I have to give them all my focus for a short period of time and then switch.

I'm trying to get better at juggling multiple things, but it's still my weak point. This summer, I had to split focus between two novels, a thesis, and an article, all in the space of about 2.5 months. The result? I completely abandoned my thesis, and indeed, any academic work, for the whole of August, in order to focus on fiction, because the deadline was more urgent. Sometimes you have to prioritise, and knowing you have to switch tasks at a certain time and that this one has to be finished first does wonders for making you focus.

However, if you don't have deadlines and if nobody is expecting you to hand anything in, it can be a lot harder to do the finishing part, and it's easy to go off chasing new ideas. I think we've all done it. For the first 10 years of writing fiction, I didn't have any deadlines either except those I gave myself, and I definitely abandoned projects and hopped around. Even since I signed with my agent, there's been at least one project I had to put aside unfinished and I don't know when or if I'll come back to it, though that was less a case of being distracted by something else and more a case of being too depressed to write. If it had been under contract, though, that would have been more difficult! So I'm glad that it wasn't.

Part of the way I avoid it is by writing fast. This is unhelpful advice, because either you write fast or you don't, and if you're not a speedy writer, it's probably not very useful as a tactic. But if I write fast enough, not only do I not give myself time to get bored, I also have the drive of knowing the sooner I finish something, the sooner I can move on to something else. If it's only another 3 weeks of work, there's less a sense of the new idea being impossibly distant. I always leave first drafts to stew for at least a few months before I edit them, so once they're done, hopping between projects is a good thing -- as long as I got to the end first. But not getting to the end can be a killer.

I also try not to take breaks while writing first drafts. Again, doesn't work for everyone, hasn't always worked for me. But the books where I take days/weeks off while drafting are the ones that are hardest to finish, and every time I've stopped long-term and said I'll come back to it later to finish it ... I never have. If I ever do, I'll have to rewrite the whole first half before I can continue. This is partly because I'm not an outliner, so first drafts are precariously balanced in my head and setting them down can mean losing sight of something crucial. If I had a set outline to follow, it might be easier to dip in and out.

Having said that, I do have some books that have been written far more intermittently with lots of days off... but they were definitely harder. The continuity and speed is a fairly crucial part of maintaining my train of thought. Like I said -- one-track mind. That's why it's so hard for me to balance multiple projects.

Over time, I've learned that ideas are really the easiest part of writing, but they often don't go anywhere. I keep note of them, often in my phone, but an idea is not a plot, and it takes time for them to turn into a book. I like to let them mature on their own for a while. I knew I wanted to write TRWTH from about 2015, but I didn't draft it until late 2018; I knew I wanted to write a Bisclavret retelling since about 2016, but didn't draft it until late 2019. I gave them time to figure out what shape they wanted to be in before I started actually working with those premises directly. So that can help me resist the temptation to jump on something new -- it's not necessarily ready yet. Writing it down feels like scratching the itch ("I'm not ignoring it, I'm just setting it aside") and means you won't forget it, but also means by the time you come to look at it again, you have a better sense of whether it's worth writing.

Having said that, I'm easily distracted by the temptation to *edit* something other than the book I'm currently working on; I'll reread an older project and see how to fix it and since editing doesn't require the same single-minded focus (for me) as first drafts, I can be lured away quite easily. Deadlines are usually the main thing that helps there.

If I'm honest... deadlines in general are the only things that keep me on track. Otherwise I'm always hopping between things and never focusing on anything long enough to get it "finished". It's where things like NaNoWriMo can help: setting yourself a goal of writing a certain amount of a book within a window of time can often keep you on target long enough to pass the point of no return (i.e. the point at which you're more invested in finishing the book than in starting a different one). I never finished anything until I did NaNo for the first time; it turned out what I needed was a deadline and an excuse to write quickly.

Two final things. One is that I try to only write things I really care about. If I'm ready to abandon a project and never come back, I probably wasn't invested in it in the first place. Two, if an idea is constantly popping up while writing something else, it might be related. It might explore the same themes, or develop on one of the ideas. It can be worth poking at it for a minute to check if that's the case, and if it is... it's not a new story. It's a new part of the story you were already writing, and can be woven in.

It's possible absolutely none of this is applicable to those with a different writing style to me, and it's also incredibly rambly, but quick summary:

deadlines help. knowing someone is expecting something from you helps.

writing fast enough not to get bored gives you less time to get distracted.

ideas need time. write them down and let them stew instead of rashly chasing them; they may not be able to carry a whole story on their own

they may not BE a whole story; consider whether they're part of what you're already writing

Did this make any sense at all? I have no idea. I've actually been switching between three projects (two fiction, one academic) this week, so my brain is utterly melted because, as I said, I suck at doing that.

#writing #answered #oddnub-eye

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inspector-montoya-fox · 4 years ago

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let’s talk about the criminal mistreatment of Athena Cykes

Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies isn’t really big on women. They’re either dead, fully motivated by self-interest, or on the wrong side of the law. And in the wacky world of Ace Attorney, the game seriously lacks in original wacky female characters. And then there’s Athena Cykes; Phoenix’s new, cute! protégé with a brand new skill for some fresh gameplay and a seriously messed up backstory to captivate the player. Here’s the problem: that pretty much sums up Apollo’s character and reason for being introduced literally one game prior. So why introduce this new character when she wasn’t even needed?

(major spoilers ahead)

Let’s start by pointing out that, throughout Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice, Athena only handles one case on her own. And that case (Turnabout Storyteller) is a mess, imo. We don’t get to investigate as Athena, her skills as a rookie attorney are being constantly diminished by everyone, even her client, and she relies on Blackquill to bail her out when shit hits the fan. In the original trilogy, Maya also helped out Phoenix when in need, but Phoenix was literally the main playable character, having enough cases to redeem himself after stumbling once or twice. Athena is given only one chance throughout the span of two games.

If Athena was the only new character, tackling only one case on her own would be more acceptable because, with the absence of Maya, she’d play the pivotal role of Phoenix’s assistant, aiding him. And that would actually be ideal. Imagine Athena being introduced in Dual Destinies as Phoenix’s assistant, investigating with him and providing advice during the trials. The game would wrap up nicely by having us explore the Space Centre and have her backstory unravel. That’s basically the first game’s premise: Maya is introduced in Turnabout Sisters and by Turnabout Goodbyes we explore part of her backstory (mainly Misty Fey going MIA) via Edgeworth’s trials.

What really screws up Athena’s chances of succeeding as a new character, are the other new characters, Apollo Justice and Trucy Wright. Apollo Justice was literally supposed to be a reset for the franchise. Bridge to Turnabout wrapped up all the story arcs of the trilogy in such a masterful way that there wasn’t anything more for Phoenix and Maya to do. The 7 year time jump and the introduction of Apollo were supposed to kick off a new trilogy and showcase a new era of the law, a time in which the system started failing, despite the fact that it was already messed up. I go into detail about why Apollo Justice failed in this essay no one bothered to read (yea i’m bitter, bitch) but basically, to sum up, Capcom didn’t have the balls to strip the series of its main character and due to backlash, brought him back one game after.

I 100% believe that Dual Destinies tries its hardest to be what fans wanted Apollo Justice to be. As a result, it has too much on its plate. Giving Apollo a new backstory, portraying Phoenix’s return as an attorney, trying desperately to sell the Dark Age of the Law and repeating ‘the end justifies the means’ about a million times, delivering interesting cases with interesting witnesses (at which it fails miserably, imo), all the while introducing Athena and exploring her backstory, which includes the new prosecutor and new detective, whose final twist, although unexpected, doesn’t save the game. That’s a lot, like too, too much.

What was the reason for Athena’s introduction? As I mentioned above, Apollo was literally introduced one game prior to Dual Destinies, providing the writers with countless opportunities for interesting storylines. What we got instead were interesting storylines which were never to be revisited again, e.g. Apollo and Trucy being Thalassa Gramarye’s children, and the jury system. What the fuck. Instead of progressing Apollo’s saga as a rookie attorney taken under Phoenix’s wing, he gets sidetracked for the sake of Athena, but as we soon find out, that isn’t even the case. Actually, Apollo as a new protagonist gets sacrificed for the sake of Athena, and in turn, Athena gets sacrificed for the sake of Apollo being a sidekick. Again, what the fuck.

After Apollo Justice, the games try and fail to course-correct Apollo’s character. Dual Destinies tries to shoehorn Apollo and Athena’s backstories into two cases (The Cosmic Turnabout and Turnabout for Tomorrow), while wasting such an opportunity with its first three cases (no, Turnabout Academy’s rushed exposition on Athena and Juniper’s friendship doesn’t count). And I’m being blatantly honest when I say that I literally couldn’t give less of a shit about Clay Terran and dArK Apollo with a bandage over his eye. I literally don’t care because the game doesn’t do the work in order for me to care. It just dumps a bunch of new info on Apollo and Clay’s friendship at the beginning of a trial for which there isn’t even an investigation. That’s just lazy. Instead, I’m much more interested as to why the robots at the Space Centre recognize Athena.

Athena’s backstory, although redundant and painfully familiar, is pretty interesting. Why is it redundant and painfully familiar? Because Maya Fey also lost her mother due to an incident with an upcoming prosecutor and eventually was misled into thinking she was the culprit, the truth being revealed by Phoenix at the end. Despite the similarity, the details surrounding Metis Cykes’s murder are so captivating. Aura Blackquill is introduced, a mysteriously sexy tech gyal whose dialogue on Metis seems to suggest that they were romantically involved, Blackquill’s imprisonment is explained, there’s hostages involved, and the Phantom is revealed. Turnabout for Tomorrow isn’t my favorite case but in terms of setting up Athena’s backstory, it does everything right.

I honestly love Athena. I love that we have another female attorney alongside Mia and Calisto Yew. I love that she introduces psychology into the trials. I love her yellow suit and her narration, and her moon earrings and relentlessly joyful attitude. She’s such a joy to have around. That’s why I hate how Dual Destinies handles her character, having Apollo ask her questions on who she is and what she does during The Monstrous Turnabout’s investigation and waiting until Turnabout for Tomorrow to continue her exposition. Instead, Apollo gets most of the attention. If Capcom wanted games 4-6 to be Apollo’s trilogy, they should’ve done that. Not dilute Apollo Justice by including hobo Phoenix, not introduce Athena and have Phoenix return in Dual Destinies, not do anything they did with Spirit of Justice. I really wanted Dual Destinies to be Athena’s game.

Spirit of Justice handles Athena even worse than Dual Destinies. She is quite literally reduced to a side character and, even though we get to play her first solo case, her character gets absolutely zero development. Whereas Phoenix is reunited with Maya and resets the law in a foreign country via a revolution in which Apollo is caught in the centre of, Athena babysits Trucy (another female character who is given nothing to do). Also, Athena being sidetracked, getting turned from a new attorney to just a character without a purpose becomes so obvious when she’s literally rendered obsolete once Maya returns in Turnabout Time Traveler, during which she becomes Trucy’s lab rat... ???

I literally feel bad for Athena because she was created unreasonably but created with care nonetheless. Dual Destinies tackles too many story arcs and themes all at once, and if the writers removed some of them to focus more on Athena instead, she could have been the next Franziska: a young lawyer with drive who rises to the ranks of the best but not without her flaws. But, um, we got an Apollo Justice Lite, instead.

#yes i'm using capital letters because i'm channeling my serious ace attorney simp #not sly cooper #not sly cooper for a while now tbh #awaiting SlyFox Week for a comeback maybe? maybe even sooner idk #ace attorney #athena cykes #dual destinies

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innermoonlight-bhe · 4 years ago

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Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night.

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1: Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else.

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen.

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise.

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad.

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met. Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much.

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death.

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

PART 2:

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever.

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language).

#destiel #queerbaiting #the cw #jane the virgin #jafael #petra #supernatural #deancas #15x18 #supernaturalfinale #betty la fea #destielcanon #curdueva #Petramos #supernaturalending #theysilencedthem #they silenced us

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readingaccountability · 4 years ago

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snow crash - neal stephenson

my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)

final thoughts:

okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.

the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.

one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.

however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.

the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.

y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,

i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)

please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.

i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!

honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.

the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.

and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.

i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)

ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.

howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.

the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.

#bookblr #book tag #snow crash #neal stephenson #reading progress update #book review #cyberpunk #post-cyberpunk #god this is long #kind of ended up being book report esque... elementary school vibes. i fucking love it ngl #original post #playlist series

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smolbeandrabbles · 4 years ago

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Illicit Affairs - Harold x Reader (Adore)

Cruel Summer / Magnets / The Next Best Australian Record

GIF CREDIT: X

@wltz-bby @happyskywhale

Author’s Note: I know I said I was kinda finished with these two as far as I thought safe to take them. Oh, but this song I haaaaaaad to...

So here’s another one on the list of ‘how long does it take you to write a fic’. I decided I was writing this on 8th October (when I wrote my plot notes. at like 11pm) then I wrote and finished it on 10th/11th. Whereas sooooome stuff gets stuck in my drafts for like 6 months. And honestly I really don’t know how I do it. There’s a fic on my side blog that I turned around in 24 hours, which is another thing entirely but I am the most inconsistent writer! 😅🙈😬 I don’t know how you all put up with it, to be honest, but I’m glad you’re all here!

Ah shit we being and ‘end’ with Taylor again?! Ah well, can’t be helped!

Disclaimer: Adore/Adoration not mine / gif not mine / lyrics not mine

Premise: With Harold now divorced things get a little easier for a while, but you shouldn’t expect things to remain so un-convoluted for long, especially when you receive an invite to Tom’s wedding...

Words: 6418

Warnings: Sexual connotations / Sexual Pre-Amble / Swearing

_______ Make sure nobody sees you leave Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times ---

Life all seemed a little easier after his divorce. You still had to be careful, that much was certain, but it didn’t feel like a full affair. The only attachment either of you had was each other. For you it felt like a weight was lifted - a worry. If you only had to worry about what your friends and the University would think if they found out, all that really mattered was being careful on campus. Surprisingly easy; longing glances in class could have meant anything (didn’t they all already know you had a massive crush?), but that ‘catch you later’ smile on his face was the best new thing. Not every night, but a few of them you would spend back at his place. It felt like a real relationship now, you’d found something meaningful. Now you could spend time with him off campus, you seemed to get even more careful on it. It wasn’t the only place you could touch him, hold him, kiss him anymore. You’d been concerned about him leaving you. The age gap in itself would give him more than enough reasons. But he didn’t; Harold stayed. And eventually it wasn’t just belief that he wouldn’t leave you, you knew he wouldn’t. So another year at university ended, and this summer was the first you’d spent between Sydney and home. Obviously, Harold wasn’t going to be coming back. And far be it from your parents to stop you from going back to see your friends. They were just glad to see you happy, and having your own adventures. And you did get to have adventures, even if you never left his house. Summer bled into another year of university, important as your final one, strange in every social context you could possibly think of. Unusually tough to balance – and it made you only too glad to immerse yourself in your class work rather than your relationship. One of the blessings of Harold being that much older than you and having been there before (and heck as if he didn’t know about stressed and struggling university students), was that he understood and let you get on with what you thought was important. You still saw him, just not as often, and it affected nothing between you. Tom wanted to see more of his father, again that was understandable to you, but it was weird to see him kicking around Sydney and occasionally in your classes. On the instances you did bump into each other – and none of them very compromising, that you made sure of – you were civil. But there was never anything more to it than that, until Mary. Your first thought should obviously have been ‘I guess his girl back home didn’t work out’. Instead it was more about things becoming even more convoluted. Harold had come to you with the great idea that, as a final year and preparing to take that leap into the world of acting, you could mentor the lower years on your experience. Your mentee met your ex-boyfriend, and the next thing you knew they were dating. Harold thought it was hilarious, you weren’t so sure – but were at least prepared to see the ironically funny side. You certainly neglected to mention it any time you talked with her though. You weren’t sure you could get through a conversation without ‘Oh yeah and by the way he’s a cheater…’ Highly inappropriate! As you did start to consider your future seriously, the path you found yourself on came from an unexpected place. A new friend – a guy in class who you knew of, but had never really worked with. Stuck together for one of your many final projects, this wasn’t just about developing a few scenes – but a whole two-person stage play. It was like a light bulb moment, how well your energy and creative process and thinking matched. On the same page from the first moment, you weren’t sure which one of you had suggested doing this past your final year, but it seemed like the most logical thing in the world. As expected, Harold was nothing but supportive. Even joking that you’d get your work finished and produced before any of his. Before you hushed him with kisses and let him know how much you believed in him. Adding to your mad year, Harold also moved house – still beach front, modern and pretty. But it maintained a nice rustic aesthetic. Polished wood and steel. He whisked you up to see it before he’d even bought it – because apparently you got a say in things like this now. ‘Why? You’re the one living here.’ ‘I want you to still want to visit me.’ ‘I’d visit you if you were in a 1 bedroom flat with peeling paint and a leaky kitchen sink, you know that.’ ‘Yeah but, maybe it won’t always just be my house.’ You hoped he didn’t expect to be met with anything but joyful screaming at that. The very last thing – as if everything else wasn’t enough - was the final year production. Gruelling auditions were worth it once you got the main part, opposite your future business partner. It was nice, it was going to give you a taste of the future, a trial run. Harold unfortunately was in charge of the second years instead, but he brought Tom over to help manage it – no prizes for how he met Mary. Still, you went along to watch and support. Wondering how exactly you could make him a piece of the puzzle… proud of him and his vision. It made you nothing but excited for that original work of his to be complete – it would be nothing but an honour for you to star in it. Yet it also meant that he didn’t get to see yours until it debuted, and somehow having him on the front row provided you with a confidence boost. And that little wink he gave you as you took your bows gave you all the hints you needed about where your night was going… You wouldn’t lie to yourself anymore, Harold was everything you had always wanted. *** You gave it almost exactly a year after you had finished studying before you ‘came clean’ to your friends. Oh, you were never going to tell them the full details, and you certainly weren’t about to tell your parents everything: just that you were with someone, and you were happy… really happy. In your opinion that was all that should have mattered to them. Your friends were all incredibly shocked at first, but then supportive, and they instantly brought back some of their old favourite jokes ‘Holy shit! Good marks eventually DID get you in his pants after all!’ The truth was not the official line: You had met in a café like total coincidence just to catch up, once… twice… turning into a fair few times… turning into chemistry. Still totally weird, still with that age gap that made everyone (and you meant everyone) caution you, still this ‘he was your teacher once-!?’ that hung around. But not the truth, not that this had been going on so much longer than that. A story that you were both happy with – because no one ever needed to know the full story. And Harold was right about his house; although you had a small apartment across town you hardly stayed there – you spent all your time with him at his. You didn’t want to call it yours, didn’t dare speak the word ours until he did it first. But it always hung there, unspoken… Soon enough your friends grew to love him. How different things were out of the classroom, the conversations and interactions between them. Them all telling you that they finally got it – and then understood why, upon you meeting up again, why you’d hooked up. Which only had you pitying them for not seeing how gorgeous and amazing he was in the first place. There were a lot of shared evenings that happened around his house, where he’d let you invite your friends over but stayed well out of the way. Harold also let you invite them to his birthday though, and after the initial celebrations he and his friends stayed inside, whilst your friends stayed out on the porch. There was a chill in the air, but the fire was still going and you were all huddled together under blankets. As one by one his friends left and you were still sitting out giggling and sipping wine and beer, Harold came out to check you were all okay. Because he cared about them as much as you did. It made you love him even more, if that was at all possible. They probably loved that they could wind you up over this more than anything else, but that was fine for you, you knew it would take time for them to get used to the idea, although the tide was already turning; it was weird but they were also loving it. No one had left, somehow in all this madness you’d kept everything. It all seemed a little too good to be true sometimes, so you made sure to count all your blessings.

Harold’s play still wasn’t finished; he always said he was almost there, but seemed to be taking an age to edit it all – he’d let you read nearly everything but the conclusion. “Why? Won’t I like it?” “I just want it to be the final-final version before you read that. I guess it’s more… thought provoking than satisfying.” So he kept you guessing. You’d become more of a stage actor than you’d ever expected… perhaps eventually you’d commit yourself to film and TV too. You’d done a few here-and-there episodes but nothing concrete. But it was the dynamic between you and your writing partner – who, if you were honest, was quickly turning out to be your best friend – that kept you in stage work. You’d started a small production company to write and produce these plays and they were pretty successful. But you’d also been included in other, sometimes large scale, productions. And, yes, as ever, Harold was front row for as many of these as he could be. You spent your spare time as you had before, tangled up with him, reading or writing together. With always the promise of: ‘Once I finish I’m casting you in this!’ and any time the school did a production, well… it was your turn to be front row for him.

*** Your joint influence on the people in your lives became more apparent, and also came as a surprise. To you at least. And your question was tentative even if you knew the answer already. “Harry… did you… get an invite to Tom’s wedding?” He pointed up to the fridge upon which was stuck the invite; very pretty, clearly there had been a lot of thought put into this and you would think a lot of effort would be put into such a wedding. You crossed the kitchen to look at it: Plus One, interesting. “Does he know?” “He knows I have somebody but not who, why?” By now he’d caught the piece of card you were holding in your hands, and you held it up. “I didn’t expect to get one myself, but here we are. I mean if I was going to be included at all, maybe I’d be on my parents one, but-” “Oh! Mary’s influence?” “Perhaps. I haven’t told her anything either, but why me? I’m his ex and I’m friends with her… but not very good friends.” “Family friends, maybe that’s it.” “A courtesy invite? I suppose it could be. But it’s not like my parents knew you and Roz that long, I didn’t grow up there like Tom and Ian-” You thought better of it and held that thought. You scored the invite with your nails, “Do you… want me to go?” Harold tilted himself back slightly, folding his arms, “Why? Are you thinking of not going?” “It’s not that, it’s that my parents are going. They’ve already discussed it with me, I’m certainly not ready to out this. And I don’t want you to spend your son’s wedding worrying about that. It’s a big day for him and you!” “Would you go anyway?” “Harry-” “It shouldn’t be about me.” “No, it should only be about you! Yes, I would like to go, but not if it makes more sense for me to stay away.” “Then accept and come.” You blushed gently, “Is that what you want?” “Of course I do. We can play it safe, geez, the last time we were around your family was when this started and was at its most dangerous. It’s not an affair anymore, you’re not my student anymore. If something happens then it happens, but look at you. You’re a star in your own right now, you’re an adult and your life is your life!” “It’s the family friends thing, they will go crazy. Even with the story line we made up, I doubt they’ll speak to me ever again.” “Do they know you’re seeing anyone?” “They’re vaguely aware.” Vaguely was certainly the operative word – more because you certainly expected for talk to get back to them that you had a relationship. You’d never made it sound serious to them, but you told them a little to sate their curiosity. “Well then,” He walked forward, cupping your face, “we’re on the same page and we’ll be fine.” “If you say so.” “I do, don’t you trust me?” You giggled, before leaning forward and grazing your lips to his, “No offense, but that’s a stupid question!” *** You were right, there was a lot of effort put into the wedding. There were less guests for the ceremony, but from what you’d been hearing there’d be quite the after party. As you were on your own invite, you also got the perks of a separate room to your parents. You didn’t hang around the wedding party when you arrived – you weren’t about to turn up here and make yourself a nuance - and it gave you time to relax and prepare yourself for tomorrow. You’d have to try to be on your very best behaviour, no matter what Harold had said, you didn’t want there to be any incidents. Your dress was in a colour that flattered you, covered in little appliques of your favourite flowers, sensible heels in the same colour. The opportunity to do your own make-up and hair; though you kinda missed having backstage stylists… The idea was simply to follow Harold’s lead, considering this was Tom’s wedding. He greeted you with familiarity; his ex-student who he’d seen in many a production since you’d graduated. He even seemed to indicate that you had in fact met up a few times just for general interest catch ups. To which Harold also added ‘maybe I’ll get you in to talk to my students sometime.’ Your parents did ask how exactly it was that you’d leave this detail out. ‘It’s just day to day stuff! You don’t tell me every time you see your friends-!’ Now, ‘friends’ wasn’t a word they questioned. You knew you weren’t going to get to sit next to him, but your family was sitting behind him and that was adequate, he might have only glanced back a couple of times, but they were enough to have you beaming. The ceremony was sweet, smooth sailing; they really did look in love. It gave you pause for thought – was that how you looked at Harold? Still? You’d been together a while now, but then you supposed so had Tom and Mary. Maybe that was just a wedding effect – after all, was there a more romantic day for two people? You also smiled a lot, it was such a lovely occasion to behold, even the atmosphere – like everyone was finally in the place they were meant to be. Which, considering the convoluted way this had all started that fateful summer, was fairly incredible. Harold placed his hand delicately on the small of your back, as you both left the chapel. “Don’t want you to think I don’t think you look beautiful…” You nudged him gently, “If you’ll let me return the compliment.” He chuckled, “No.” “Yes! I mean that’s got to be one of the main reasons I’m here!” His cheeks turned pink and he looked a little bashful, removing his hand from you, far enough away from everyone else to sneakily lace your fingers behind your back instead, “But I mean it.” “Thank you, that’s very sweet… Yet I’m hardly the main spectacle. It’s all stunning and her dress is flawless.” “I don’t disagree, it’s very lovely. We have the rest of the day and the party yet.” “Well alright, I know you’re privy to everything.” You smiled, “I’m just happy you’re involved.” “Hmm. It’s humbling.” “You’re his father!” “He’s spent more time with Roz. Tom didn’t have to ask me.” “Well, I suppose you can’t change my opinion… As long as you know my opinions of you!” “Oh.” He let you go as you approached the drinks reception and winked, “Yes, I would think I did!” The drinks reception and dinner afterwards had exactly the same set of increasingly hilarious conversations. You weren’t always in ear shot of each other, or in the same social circles, but everyone wanted to know about the people you were respectively dating. You were a couple of drinks in, and became much more willing to open up – to the point where you were positively gushing about him. You gave your partner no name, age, or any of the questions they were asking that would be more revealing, but were more than willing to tell the rest of the story. And when you heard him being asked roughly the same questions - and sometimes you were standing together at these points - he was doing exactly the same thing. You were surprised one of you hadn’t broke out in a beaming smile or had glowed in sweet embarrassment yet. And yet it did make you feel so happy that Harold was happy to talk about you in the same way, and every so often you’d catch each other’s eyes and you would smile just like that. There was something about both being in on such a secret; you were happy you’d decided to come and be here – even if you weren’t with him, you were most definitely with him. You didn’t approach Tom and Mary until a little later but they were both so happy to see you. And you congratulated them with about as much enthusiasm. “First up you both look gorgeous! And this wedding is so beautiful… oh my gosh, you guys!” You hugged them both tight. “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both!” “Hey,” Tom nudged you, “What’s this I’ve been hearing about you, though!? Get him married.” “AHaha-” You excused yourself from your laugh, “I mean I dunno I… maybe.” You quickly turned the conversation back on them, “You both look so joyful, and so great together. Enjoy it, alright.” You pointed to Tom, “Extra enjoy it for me, I’ll see where I go.” “Oh, I will!” He grinned, hugging you again. You wondered if he ever had told Mary that you’d dated. You supposed it wasn’t the relationship with him you needed to worry about so much. Mary pulled you back to her, “Thank you, so much!” “Oh, you were always star material…” you squeezed her tight, “But you’re welcome. Maybe we’ll get to be in a production together soon!” “I’ll hold you to that!” She giggled, wishing you well as you let her go. You breathed a sigh of relief as you made your way back to your parents, all’s well that ends well…

***

It was a little later, after the first dance, and when everyone was moving around the party freely: everything now in full swing and at least a few of them having already having had too much alcohol, that you realised your assumption was wrong. Some people here weren’t having a good time. You were alright to sit alone and observe for now. You’d known what you were getting into. Ian, best man and from what you’d been told by Harold the one to start this whole ball rolling, was sitting around rather dejectedly. You’d watched him intently for a little while, and he seemed to be getting confrontational with just about everyone – including your man. Now he just appeared to be sulking. So much for us all being more grown up now… Eventually you’d clearly stared at him long enough to have caught his eye, and you offered somewhere between a sympathetic and fed-up smile. Attempting to give an air of ‘yeah man, I know the feeling!’ considering you were also sitting here alone, but his face just scrunched into an even bigger frown as he huffed, crossing his arms before looking away. Okay then, sorry I tried! You weren’t left alone for much longer than that, as Harold wandered over. “Hey, you doing alright over here?” “Yeah, fine.” You waved off Ian, just in case he’d seen any of that brief exchange, “Just taking some quiet time.” “Well, that’s an awful lot of quiet time…” He held his hand out for yours, “Come on, come dance.” Your eyes immediately widened, and you looked from his hand to his face, “With you!?” “No, with someone else – yes, me!” “Harry, I don’t think that we should-” “I want you to enjoy yourself… c’mon.” You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and praying this wasn’t the worst idea you’d ever had, as you placed your hand in his and he pulled you up. “Think of it as like… a father daughter dance.” “Oh no, you just made it worse.” His laugh was embarrassed, “Oh, yeah I guess I did, didn’t I – sorry!” Harold didn’t try to make it romantic, although clearly because it was between you it was, and you supposed it was something a little reminiscent of ‘father of the bride’. Well, no one else – not even your family – was dancing with you, so why the hell not? Still you voiced the question. “Should we be doing this?” To which you were only presented with your own question: “Shouldn’t we really be beyond caring?” You couldn’t help but laugh, “You been drinkin’?!” “Not that much, give me some credit!” Oh, the want to pull him closer, your wish to lay your head on his shoulder and close your eyes as he swayed you gently on this dancefloor. To look into his eyes like you really wanted to, and were using all your self-control to make sure you weren’t. For him to just wrap you in his embrace right now. It didn’t happen, and you didn’t expect it to, but it hurt a little. Still, here you were and he was ‘holding’ you – it was as close as you were going to get, and you savoured every single second of his skin on yours. Eventually you did actually get to dance with your father and then some younger ‘gentlemen’ (though, whether you’d call them that…) cut in and you let them dance with you the way you wished that Harold could. At least you were enjoying yourself, to you that was the most important thing. But, you ended up back over by the drinks table with your actual other half, observing the party once more, and you broached the subject of the catalyst. “What did Ian say to you?” “Huh?” He turned, bottle half way to his lips. “I mean it looked like he was getting a little irate.” Harold just looked confused, so you sighed with an eyeroll, “Earlier!” “Oh.” Then he laughed, “Well clearly he’s the least happy person at this entire wedding, and he ironically said this was all my fault.” Your eyebrows raised, “Sorry!?” “Well I did take Mary to Tom’s 21st. So, I guess… that’s where they became a little more serious.” You snorted, “Holy shit. The wedding is your fault!? But what’s wrong with the-” you looked back out to the guests and then it clicked, “Everyone was growing up… You think they ended all the affairs at home?” He gave you a face to say he agreed with your deduction, “I’m glad we didn’t get the memo.” You only laughed, “I don’t think I would have agreed to the memo!” “Now we’re on the same page-!” **

You were standing outside on the patio, admiring the stars and lit scenery, when Tom caught up with you again. “Can I ask you something?” “Yes. And you just did.” That had him laughing, and you only slipped into chuckles too, he still liked how fast you were at quipping. Suddenly you were transported back – what would this have been if it didn’t become such a mess. “Your boyfriend…” “Mhm.” You straightened to the edge in his voice, and although Tom was looking at you seriously there was a hint of playfulness to his voice. “How long have you been together?” You couldn’t tell if he’d figured you out yet. “What if I said, it’s the same guy that I first mentioned to you in that massive argument we had?” He leant back against the railing, breathing out heavily. “I feel like I should have… figured it out before now.” “Considering I don’t know what you’ve figured out – you want me to help?” “It’s my dad, isn’t it.” It wasn’t even a question. You were a little affronted by his tone: “You don’t have to make it sound so creepy. In fact, if you want me to bring up glass houses…” He was a little taken aback that you’d just admit it, “Shit, you knew about-!?” “I told you I did. Yeah, that’s how this all started, you and Ian and…” you waved your hand and then pointed at yourself, “Only I stayed with mine… Geez, I’m sorry.” “Sorry?” He laughed, “Why?” “He’s… your dad. That’s not why I dated you, it’s just how it happened.” “You don’t have to explain!” He waved his hands around, “He’s happy, you’re happy, you’ve spent a lot of time together today, I have observed, and it just… I dunno, I guess it clicked. Everything he’s said about – well you – but his other half, and everything you’ve said.” “Oh, damn, is it obvious?!” “No. I just have all the pieces, don’t I?” “You’re… a little too cool with this.” “I told you we were cool before.” Tom’s look was significant, “We’re still cool. And I’m not gonna go telling everyone, until you’re ready to go do that yourselves. Besides,” he nudged you with a smile, “you seem to have enough dirt on me!” “Uh, I would never. You go off and enjoy your married life to an amazing woman, you idiot!” “I’ll do my best – but I’m never gonna call you mom!” “I’m just glad I’m older than you!” You folded your arms with a grin as he left you, with a wave, before turning back, “Why’s that!?” “The likely inevitability of grandbabies. I’m just gonna have to be the cool aunt or something!” You didn’t think you’d heard anyone laugh so loud in a long time. ***

It continued to get later, although the party was still going on and you could hardly take it anymore. You’d watched him move around in it all day, and now all you wanted was that suit on your hotel room floor, or his. That single button he’d undone and the slacked nature of his tie was nowhere near enough for you. But it was hard to let him know that when you couldn’t just go over and grab his hand; you had to just rely on glances and hope that he got it. And clearly he did, as he crossed the room back to you. Although instead of telling you that he was ready to go, he came with a cautionary tale. “We need to be careful about this.” “And your suggestion is?” “Well, we have to stagger when we leave, but you might want to say goodbye to people. Because your parents will notice you’re gone.” “Oh, your son isn’t gonna notice you’re gone, huh?” It was then Harold decided to tell you he’d seen your conversation with Tom, “Well he knows, doesn’t he.” It wasn’t a question, and you were stuck on how to respond, “I didn’t hear, but I saw you two. Is there anything you want me to say to him?” “…Well, that’s between you…” You lowered your eyes, “I didn’t tell him, he guessed.” “Sweetheart, it’s okay.” Harold couldn’t touch you, so his nickname made you look up. “I’ll talk to him, maybe not tonight… You go, I’ll watch you, wait for me.” You nodded and he gave you a gentle wink before you both headed in different directions. You had one more drink before you started to play the tired card – although really you were far from it – and said goodbye to your parents, a few of the others you knew here, and finally bride and groom before you headed off. Outside of the reception room the hotel was cool and quiet (you supposed it was pretty late) and you could take a breather, sliding out of your heels on the steps it felt so good to be back on the floor. You wandered slowly up the corridor and across hotel reception, you weren’t exactly sure whose room you were heading to, but nearly everyone was on the same floor and you were all certainly on the same wing. You were just finding your way up the steps on the other side of reception when you heard the footfall of smart dress shoes behind you, and turned to Harold saying a goodnight to the receptionist who had pulled night shift. He continued his pace as he caught you, turning up the corridor but not before turning back and wishing you a goodnight. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow: who were you keeping up appearances for now? Hotel staff? You shook your head and turned, finding him back at his room, apparently having trouble with his key.

“Would you like some help?” You slipped yourself between him and his room door. “If you would be so kind.” “Not sure I was talking about your room key…” You smirked, prising it from his hand, waiting for the beep to pull him to your lips by his tie, you stumbled backwards into the room as he pushed the door. Harold waited until it had closed to pull you into him, hands into your hair. It felt so good to have him touch you again, and you realised how much you’d yearned for it all day, as his hands moved down your neck and shoulders to your back, he continued to pull you closer. “God, I love you.” You almost whimpered it – kisses leaving you breathless, and you weren’t sure if that was because of the whole wedding atmosphere, or that you hadn’t had even a single chance to tell him face to face in nearly two days. But he needed to know, urgently. He chuckled, nuzzling your face with his own, “I love you too.” Your breath still caught every time he said it, even now. After having to wait so long for his first, there wasn’t anything any less special about it a hundred, a thousand, a million times later. He was still nothing ever but delicate with you, guiding you across his room to the bed before his hands collected on your shoulders again. Harold took a step back, the low level lighting set the perfect mood, but he moved his body so the moonlight could shine on you through the still open curtains. “You are so beautiful.” His fingers gathered under your chin, to keep you from shying away from his eyes as your own hands collected on his chest, ready to push his jacket down his arms. “You truly are.” As if he didn’t already affirm this nearly every day of his life, and Harold kissed you again. “Me?” Your instinctive reaction to flirting was always to nervously joke, “You look in a mirror, lately?” Harold shook his head before his lips traced yours again and he let you relieve him of his jacket, you were quick to unfurl his tie too. You stilled at the buttons of his shirt because his hands were back on your shoulders again and you relaxed your stance, releasing his lips to watch him push the straps of your dress down, guiding his hands across to the slight zip, he ghosted you a kiss in thanks before he let your dress fall to the floor. This time as you caught his collar to run through the buttons you kissed him harder, pushing your body into his – encouraging him to touch you and moaning into his kiss as you did so. His shirt was off quick and joined your dress as he deepened the kiss and you wound yourself around him, enjoying the taste on his tongue. Your kiss continued to get hot and heavy as your hands shot to his belt; he was no longer of the persuasion to stop you on bedroom thresholds, opening his body up for you to relieve him of it and undo his suit pants. Relenting as his hands caressed your back, finding your bra clasp; you always felt so fragile under those large hands of his, but all Harold ever did was take care of you. He lifted you gently from the floor and laid you both back in the sheets, kicking off his pants as he did so. You remained locked in your kiss as he caught you in an embrace, pulling your panties slowly down your legs, your breathing was a little shallower, at the friction of his hips against yours. You could hardly wait for him now, eagerly reliving him of his own underwear. “Shh shhh…” Harold gathered your hands in his, breaking the kiss and you whined, making him chuckle, “Darling, we have all night…” “…Harry…” The way you whined his name was delightful and that flicker across his eyes that he couldn’t control had you craving more of him, “please.” And you knew he wouldn’t deny you if you asked politely. “All night.” He repeated, and all you hoped was you weren’t going to be too loud when the other guests retired to their rooms for the evening. Hooking your leg over his hips he made sure you were completely comfortable before he entered you. You held him tighter, trying to stifle your moans in his skin. But he groaned gently too, and it was an exquisite little sound. In the comfortable quiet before you moved together, you kissed him gently again, reaffirming what you’d said before, “I love you.” Free to tell him all night now, you weren’t about to waste any opportunity. He rubbed his hands over your skin, sweet and delicate, “Darling I know… I’ve known that for a very long time.” He caught your lips once more, “I only hope I remain deserving of such love.” You weren’t sure why he occasionally said things like that to you, maybe sometimes he felt guilty about the whole thing, but you would only ever reassure him. He was deserving, and you knew he would always remain that way.

*** It was very early morning when you awoke, too much excitement in the air – even in the aftermath of the wedding - for you to sleep. You stood out on the balcony, watching the watery sky as the sun began to break through. Harold was content to watch you from the bed as you were draped in his shirt and the bed sheet, looking out towards the ocean. There was always something about all these ocean views… He stood and half-dressed himself before joining you, he almost didn’t want to break the silence and how serene everything was. Harold opted instead to simply stand with you, caressing your exposed skin, stroking the small of your back delicately. You wore a soft smile, and although you weren’t looking at him, he knew that he was where all your focus stayed. Eventually you tilted yourself, so your head rested against him – and the noise you made was of content. The silence remained for a long time, because there was nothing for either of you to say. Why say ‘I love you’ when you’d spent your night showing each other how in love you were, and how much you appreciated the opportunity to be with each other… There was something even more beautiful about you in the afterglow, but Harold wasn’t sure he could handle just telling you that yet. There was something about the time of day, about the time you’d just spent with him, all the joy that surrounded the wedding that made you speak honestly. Something had weighed on you for a long time; it wasn’t a bad weight, just a muse you were almost too scared to voice. But after everything, right now felt like the best and only time to say it. So you did. “Is it crazy to want this... for me to wish this could be us one day?” You couldn’t look at him for fear of becoming so embarrassed that you’d stammer ‘forget it’ and run from the room. That perhaps all you would see in Harold was hesitation, and it might break your heart in two right then and there. You assumed his answer; that he would chuckle at you, and be as lovely with you as ever but tell you not to be so stupid – this wasn’t to be your fate. That wasn’t what Harold said, and the silence didn’t hang because he didn’t know what to say, but because what you’d voice demanded the gravitas and respect of a real answer, a thought out answer. He took a breath, looking out to the sky as you were, before smiling and taking your hand, pulling your body into his embrace and kissing the crown of your head. He kept his voice low and gentle, as delicate with you as ever. Why had you expected anything less? “No. I don’t think it’s that crazy at all.”

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Thanks so much for reading 😘🤗

#This is strangely reminiscent of the Doug Peterson thing I was going to write the second part of so I'm 99% sure I'll be writing that soon!#I actually had to change the sex scene cuz I was like /isn't that what you were gonna write for Doug/ /oh shit you're right!!/#Because this isn't technically parted I might come back to them #but I feel done with Harold for now...#I miiiiiight pull up Amanda's idea eventually if I ask nicely and she lets me!#I really like that one and it goes with that hilarious meme #Lol everyone in my head rent free and Harold and Elias just slipped under that radar and laughed at them all.#Harold #Harold x Reader #Adore #Ben Mendelsohn #193 #Laina

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