#when the bipolar jumps out i stand my ground

[dog-girl-zezora]

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[prettypinkporkchop]

Can I request Paul or Quil, whichever you prefer x reader, where reader has a manic episode and just Linda disappears of the face of the earth for like HOURS and everyone is stressing because they just cannot find this bitch only for her to pull up to there house at like 2am in like a post manic daze where they're just confused and don't know what happened or how they got there

Quil Atear x Fem Reader

WARNINGS: Mentions of bpd, bipolar, mania, depression

You have been staring at the ceiling. Your brain is itching to do something. You dont want to be around anyone, but you need to do something. You check the time. 4:00 A.M. You push the blankets off of you. You walk out of your house, leaving your phone behind. You giggle to yourself and then shut the front door behind you, running off. Finding somewhere to go.

Quil:

"When you two wake up, come to my place." Sam orders me while the pack goes our separate ways after patrolling. I nod my head and run toward my house. Well, OUR house.

As I reach the door, I notice I can't feel her. There's a pit in my stomach. I open the door and walk around. "Baby, I'm home." I look in every room.

Once I reach the bedroom, I check her daily medication organizer. Every tab is full. Today is Thursday. I pull out her bottles and pour them out, counting quickly.

She hasn't taken them in two weeks. My heart sinks. Why would she lie to me about taking them? I have to keep up with these numbers because she's done this before, but she never ran off like this.

I run out of the house and call Sam.

"Hello?"

"Please, get the guys out here. Y/n." Is all I could spit out.

Your pov:

You sigh in content as you fall onto the ground of the cliff. You lay your head back over it, your hair falling down, not even close to the water underneath. You keep your body on the rock. You close your eyes and debate about jumping.

You decide not to and then stand back up. As you stand back up, you smell something. You follow the smell and see a group of young adults at a fire. "Who are you?" A blonde boy asks. You sit next to two girls. One with glasses and the other one giving you a snobby look. "Rain." You come up with a fake name. (Sorry if you're Rain. Come up with like... pinky doo?) They look at each other in confusion. "I'm Eric! That's Mike." The other guy says while pointing to the blonde guy that asked your name. "Jess." The snobby girl says. "Angela!" The other girl smiles. "Sorry to intrude! I didn't mean to. I was just walking around enjoying the scenery. It's a calm day." You try to make it seem casual. Mike raises an eyebrow. "It's... always a calm down here." Jess awkwardly chuckles, looking around at her friends.

Quils pov:

Oh my god. I fall on my knees and start crying, holding onto her jacket that lays in the damp grass. Is she gone? She can't be. I'd feel it.

Jared comes up behind me and hugs me. "It's okay. She's not gone." The other guys follow suit, holding me as I break down. "C'mon, Quil. We've got to go." Sam says with compassion. Once we all stand up, he grabs my shoulders, shaking me slightly. "We are going to find her."

Your pov:

They all start laughing at your joke as you talk about a fake scenario that never happened. "Yeah! And when the Uber driver looked up at me through the mirror, he said, 'Clean that up'." Everyone bursts into laughter.

Suddenly, you got tired of the company and wanted to leave and do something else. "Okay! Bout to bop out. Gotta head home." You stand up. They all say bye and you walk away.

The breeze hits you, and you see your fingers turning white. The cold isn't bothering you at this state of mind, but you know Quil would kill you if you ended up losing limbs. We'll, sucks that you lost your jacket somewhere.

You keep running around and suddenly see train tracks. This peaked your interest, and you laid down on the tracks. You closed your eyes and relaxed. You hear in the distance a train is coming. You can feel the vibration underneath you. You sit up and stare ahead of you, waiting for the last second to jump. You start laughing at how good you feel.

The train gets closer.

Closer.

The light is so bright it's nearly blinding you. You raise your arms up and scream as if you're on a rollar coaster. The train blows its horn, and you quickly roll off to the side. Barely 30 seconds go by, and the train blasts through. Your hair blows everywhere, and you're smiling. You sit there until the train leaves.

They always said the rails were burning hot when a train rolls through. You put your hand on the rusty, brown metal rail, and you leave your hand there. You soak in the feeling of the burn. You close your eyes, and you imagine your hand sitting in a fire without your skin melting off. You take your hand off and look. Red, bloody, skin peeling, some black spots.

Quils pov:

1 a.m. At Emily's.

We all sit in the living room. I hear Rachel yawn for the fifth time. "You can go to sleep, love. Don't worry." Paul whispers to her. She shakes her head. I keep my elbows rested on my knees, hands together, and on my chin. Emily walks in with sodas and cake. She sits down next to Sam. "You can't feel anything bad?" Embry asks, suggesting do I feel her soul has left. I shake my head no. I don't. But what if she is, and I just refuse to allow it to hit me. "Maybe we should call Renesmee. Maybe Alice could help us." Jared suggests. "Anything. God. Anything." I start crying.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. There stands my imprint. She has a smile on her face. She looks disheveled. I quickly jump up and go to her. "Where the fuck were you?!" I scream and look all over her for any sign of injury. I look at her hands and see one is burnt. "Fuck!" I yell. She's still smiling in space. "I had a good day. Did you?" She asks me without... asking me. She's not here with me. I turn back to see everyone looking at us with confused faces. "I'm taking her home. Thank you guys. Love you." I walk out while pulling her.

"I made friends!" She giggles. I stay silent.

Next morning YOUR POV:

You wake up with my hand on fire. You see it bandaged up. Your head is pounding. You sit up and see Quil sitting up with his knees up and elbows wrapped around so his hands are holding each other. He looks upset. "Baby?" You whisper. He slowly looks over at you. "Do you remember anything?" He asks. You do a little bit. You nod your head and look down. "I counted your medicines." He says. Your heart aches. You forget to take them but you tell Quil that you do. "Why would you lie to me?" He asks, his voice shaky. You felt tremendous guilt that almost had you puking. "I just keep forgetting, and I am sorry for lying." You sniffle. You look beside you and see sleeping pills and tea. That's how you knocked out.

Quil moves, grabbing your bottles and handing them to you. You stare at them. "Now." He demands. "I'll have an alarm set for every day at the same time." You respond. You open the bottles and pour the amount in your hand. "This is really embarrassing." You sigh while taking the pills. "There's nothing embarrassing about taking medication, y/n." His tone is more aggressive. "I know, I know. I meant telling the pack. They all must think I'm crazy now." You start to cry. He pulls you into his chest. He kisses the top of your head. "You're family. They will never think that. They will always have your back." He whispers to you and runs his fingertips along your arm. "I love you." He places more kisses on your head. "I love you, too."

[pookiebearmick]

Hiiii, Deck! It’s been a while since I’ve found myself in the inbox of my mutuals with a thoughtful question about our boys. However, we’re preparing for the hurricane down this way and I’m looking for something to keep me occupied — like talking to all of my beautiful lovely friends!!

So what I want to discuss today is the love language of our boys. What love language(s) do you think they each excel at and which one(s) do they struggle with the most? Do you think their love language(s) have changed since the beginning? Do you think they still excel or struggle with a certain one(s)?

I would also like to pick your brain on your thoughts of how they protect one another — how they protect one another physically, how they protect one another’s peace, how they protect each other mentally, etc! 🩵

— Much love, Chey

chey!!! ❤️🥰✨🌈 please be safe! i'm sending you so much love and care as you navigate the hurricane and other crappy weather that comes with it 🌧️ i'm so glad you reached out 👏

as far as love languages go, i feel like physical touch is a big one for both of them of course! in my head they are ALWAYS touching in some way. touching each other as they walk past, their hands on each other's laps when they're talking with other people, their shoes bumping against each other at the dinner table when they're on a date - just the little touches all the time kind of thing.

adding some more stuff for you under the cut!! 👀✂️❤️‍🔥

mickey is a big acts of service guy, always going out of his way to do something sweet for ian when he isn't even thinking about it. he'll pick up ian's meds on the way home just so his husband doesn't have to go out to get them, do the dishes or laundry without being asked, take care of the household finances so ian doesn't have to stress about it. cute little things like that. and i feel like ian eats that shit right up.

ian on the other hand LOVES quality time. he just wants to hang out with his husband all the fucking time. mickey teases him and calls him clingy but really he loves it too. he'll put on a movie just so they can cuddle and talk the whole way through, make mickey stand with him in the kitchen when he's cooking them dinner, insist they shower together because "i miss you mickey" even though "we've been together all day, what are you, tape?"

i feel like both of them probably struggle with giving and receiving words of affirmation, though i do feel like they're working on it!! now that they're not in active traumatic situations all the time and have their own safe space, they're able to work through some shit. they get more comfortable being just a little sappy and they say "i love you" more often as time goes on.

as far as their love languages changing since the beginning - i feel like in the very beginning it was VERY physical touch focused (they were only really showing they cared for each other by fucking for a while). once it started becoming more (or at least more obviously becoming more than a fuck buddy situation - i think they probably both knew they were fucked from the jump LOL), i think that both of them leaned into quality time (ex: meeting up at the bleachers or dugouts and fucking but also talking and spending some time with each other) and eventually mickey started falling into acts of service too when ian was diagnosed with bipolar (ex: picking up vitamins for him).

OKAY i think they protect each other in so many different ways. physically i know if they got into fights with anyone they'd protect each other so fiercely (see ian telling lip he'd kill him if lip hit mickey again). but i also feel like the gentle touches and cuddling is protecting of their peace and mental spaces in a way. like being wrapped up in ian's arms makes mickey feel safe, and touching mickey makes ian feel grounded and present. i feel like it's possible that they talk stuff out as they're getting through all of the trauma that they endured as children but i feel like just physically being there for each other helps with that a TON. whether that's just being in the same space and listening or reaching out for a hug or a shoulder to lean on. i hope that makes sense, i feel like i'm rambling LOL.

please share your thoughts too!!! i would love to hear them 🥺🫶❣️🌹

[thenightlymirror]

Yesterday, we were laughing and useless from the very start. I was sort of glad she was there because, honestly, a lot less gets done.

With our coats on, we give Moulder and Scully vibes. Drew mentioned David Duchovny was another one of the rare men he found hot. We all agreed. Later, I said, “Nobody gets that many freebee’s! If you think David Duchovny is hot: you would suck a dick!” Then we laughed at how that sounded like a rant a thirteen-year-old would make.

We had a bunch of stones in the park to check out, and took the golf cart for its first ride. It’s like a Cadillac of golf carts. It has a windshield, a windshield wiper, a radio. It’s incredible. It was raining and entirely too cold. We went back.

She said, “My seat is wet.” I said, “I know. I enjoyed it too.” Haha

Buck stopped by our window.

“We’re going out to do some rubbings. I usually just do my rubbings in the park alone. She just watches.”

“Unless I’m doing the rubbings myself!”

“Then I watch!”

Buck was very confused.

We often mention how totally fucked we are if either of us decides we are sexually harassing the other. She is very adamant that she is not my boss. She’s kind of my boss, but not really. I mean, it certainly could be a hostile work environment if either of us was attracted to the other. Haha. I think we’re just a case of fast friends. I remember worrying slightly when she started training the memorialist at my old place that she seemed into me. But that hasn’t been a thing. You can tell when someone is into you. It feels horrible.

We went out into 13 to see if an installation had been set. I was walking on the unstable grass, rolled over my ankle, launched myself forward into the air. The way she saw it, I was walking behind her, and then was suddenly in front of her lying on my back, and once on the ground, further collapsed into complete relaxation, like a little death. She was trying not to laugh. I was not really hurt.

My ankle was stiff for the next 24 hours. After work, I did some shopping, then stopped at the beach to watch the tide roar in, and thought about standing on the dock and letting the ten foot waves pull me in. A painful way to die, getting slammed to the bottom and drowned. Best to jump in and breathe as much water in as possible. But my ankle was already sore, and pain didn’t seem very romantic in that moment. It was thrilling though.

Today, we were both inundated again with just how much work there is to do. The day before, she mentioned how freaked out her husband would be if he ever heard one of our conversations. You could sort of see her trying to account for our rapport to herself as well. That’s fine. Her dad is bipolar, and an alcoholic. I think that I’m bipolar, but safe, so it’s a bit of a headfuck in that regard. I think that’s the hook.

She brought a jalapeño croissant egg sandwich that her grandmother made specifically for me. Hell yes. She put another one in the fridge for Andrew, because she doesn’t like them. After she left for the day, I went out in the golf cart to the garage to check on a marker. For the second day in a row, one of the new groundsmen has called me specifically to inform me that he found a veteran bronze left on the floor in the garage under a bunch of debris. I could not find it this morning, but he had remembered more, and I found it. It was like he was calling in a side-quest. It was in a cardboard box under a bunch of mouse shit. From 2018. Good job, Sean.

Buck walked in, caught me on my way to the golf cart. We took a joyride around the park listening to yacht rock on the little radio. Buck was absorbed in the news that there had been a drone attack on the Kremlin, but he accidentally said ���Crimea” at first, so I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. We essentially reiterated the entire conversation we had the first morning we talked, about the prospects for revolution in America. World news gets him worked up. I feel a little more like capitalism has seeped so deeply into the logic of every little thing that happens, that nothing really ever happens. The machine just makes a lot of noise as the parts loosen up and slam into one another as it wears down. Calamity can happen, must happen, but not because of any decisions anyone makes. We just don’t make decisions anymore.

That’s something along the lines of what I would have said, but I was mostly listening to Buck vent.

[zurgles]

About me

Hi I’m zurgles. I’m 31, black (family from east africa, born and raised in the US, lived pretty evenly all over the place), queer (might be nonbinary or transman not sure, mostly attracted to women and queer folk), and schizoaffective bipolar type (they’re pretty sure about this but other possibilities are bipolar with schizophrenia or just schizophrenia - been on risperidone for over a year either way and have responded really well to it and have had no psychotic or mood symptoms), and diagnosed adhd combined type.

I’ve been on and off tumblr since I was around 15 or 16, so about fifteen years now. It’s been around eight years (?) since I’ve been on tumblr.

I like comedy (especially stand up comedy), anime, discworld, youtubers (like the try guys, thomas sanders, rhett and link, calebcity, victor pope jr vines), food, and drawing though I haven’t drawn much since my last experience with psychosis. Hoping to draw more and post here :)

I live with my mom and work as a cashier at a grocery store. Thinking about going back to college for something like nursing but kind of nervous. Used to be a computer science major before my last experience with psychosis. Not sure if I want to pursue CS anymore because of my history with carpal tunnel and tendonitis, even though I enjoyed it.

I try to find the humor in things and even though psychosis was traumatizing and I live in fear of it happening again (even though I have no reason to believe my meds will stop working), I still find the shit I went through and the stuff I believed and experienced pretty funny so I may post stories or badly drawn comics here.

I also have a tarot deck collection that I cherish even though I haven’t looked at them much since psychosis. I tried while I was in the tail end of it and found exercising the magical thinking interpreting part of my brain made my brain blurry and made it hard to think clearly in general so I got wary of it. I used to be pretty pagan and while I credit praying to my gods and trying to meditate while in psychosis to helping me realize what was happening and to get help, I’ve become more of an atheist after the fact. I think grounding myself in the real world just feels more comforting. I’ve flirted with atheism since I was a kid anyway. I still have an altar and some magick books but they’ve basically been gathering dust.

I might use my tarot decks as prompts to write about the card meanings in a secular way. There are a couple on my wishlist too, like the Majestic Earth tarot and the Piatnik Wien tarot.

Images from: Majestic Earth Tarot kickstarter, https://barefootfool.com/category/tarot-decks/tarot-piatnik-wien/

I think I have around 30 decks if you include oracle and therapy decks. My prized one is the Tyldwick Tarot, first edition.

Image from https://m.pmtarot.com/showproduct.php?p=04559&lang=eng&/Tarot-Deck/Limited-&-Indie/The-Tyldwick-Tarot-Limited-First-Edition

One of my first decks is the Shadowscapes tarot and it’s my favorite one to read with. A deck that I gave away and want to get again is the Shrine of the Black Medusa tarot.

Image from: https://littleredtarot.com/product/shrine-black-medusa-tarot/

I’ve been into tarot on and off technically since I was around 11, but more practically since I was 21, so ten years on and off. I’m shit at reading though. I’m not very intuitive but writing a reading out tends to help.

I got the Thoth tarot kind of late in the game and fell in love with the minors and realized I should’ve just gotten it from the jump because I’m more left brained anyway and like complex things but it’s okay. My training is more RWS based as a result. It was frustrating learning RWS in hindsight since I kept digging for meaning that wasn’t there (or was on the surface) when I was supposed to be telling my own story, but that’s an empowering thing about the RWS, so I’m not too disappointed.

I have the Book of Thoth and I’ve listened to about all of Fortune’s Wheelhouse several times and used Esoteric Meanings to interpret cards before but I still haven’t really made a proper study of it. To be honest it took me a few years to accept that the RWS and Thoth systems really were distinct from one another.

Here's a link to my tarot deck collection:

I’ve also been interested in hellenistic or ancient astrology but don’t know much yet. This doesn’t really fit with my atheism, but it’s something I found fun to learn about in the past before shit went down. Tbh I also find astrology restrictive in terms of feeling trapped by fate and destiny, so I prefer to think of it as a goofy hobby or a fun creative exercise or maybe a way of organizing my imagination once I get better at it, if I find it doesn’t feel limiting and it actually provides insight. Not planning on pursuing this much anytime soon, but you never know.

Here’s a link to anime I like:

I’m mostly here for memes so I’ll be reblogging a lot of those. I think that’s all for now! I pulled an all nighter. Thanks for reading. This post might be updated/edited in the future.

[therosegoldlover]

My tortie cat is bipolar

Some days she'd be hiding, napping somewhere and ignoring us, then she'd show up at 2am ready to play and start her day with her crazy zoomies.

When guests come over she runs and hides hating having people cross her territory, other times she'd stand her ground, stare them down and say how dare you from one look of her yellow eyes.

Once she jumped behind a guest's head on the sofa just to look at something out of the window, ik she's an introvert, but sometimes she amazes me with how quickly she can change, depending on how she feels I guess, cuz... same kiddo, same

[animefreak1145]

The Brilliance of Break On Through

Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War Mission Break on Through—An Analysis

I have replayed the campaign of COD:BOCW numerous times—too many times truly. Did a whole playthrough where it was Hardened and soon I’m sure I shall do Veteran(something I have never done for any COD game. Not even Hardened.).

All missions have their own unique qualities—parts where the player gets a little rush of adrenaline depending on the kind of mission and how they choose to play it (Nowhere Left to Run just a plain shooting match while Brick in the Wall you can choose to remain stealthy like the good spy you are or go crazy like an eager homicidal maniac).

Even within the safehouse, there are plenty of little details to discover if you take the time to look around and observe everyone. Or, everything. (The radio if turned to a Russian station/correspondence, Adler changes it back immediately before Da Nang mission. Watching Park’s body language, as you talk to Adler and she periodically looks over to you two. Adler suspicious when you go to the Red Room or the locked room with the arcade. The T.V. being turned on in the Red Room)

But the amount of details, details, in the mission Break on Through is outstanding. I have played this mission more than any other due to me wishing to look at all the details. There’s so many, I think I may miss some. And I can’t show them off all to you cause I suck at creating gifs and don’t know how to transfer that from Xbox to my phone.

To lighten it up a bit, I won’t focus on the four different scenarios you go through—at least not each one. That would take too long and I do not have gifs/pics to show it off since Tumblr limits it to ten anyways.

I will, however, try to guide to what parts of the game you all can explore if you choose to do so. As well just how detailed they did this mission.

I am going to start with the different statements Adler says to you throughout all the Scenarios(17, 6, 11, 1). We only go through four in the actual game—but the fact it goes up to 17 or possibly more shows just how far they went in and messed with Bell’s mind.

Now, Adler seems to be a bit bipolar on how he talks to you whether or not you listen to him and all his directions. Either totally blasé and cold to giving you and pumping you up with more MK or meds, or actually a tad concerned and patient as he guides you through.

If You/Bell Stands Still/Does Nothing:

Example 1

“So you did nothing? What were you, in shock?”

He throws the words callously, mocking. As if Bell isn’t confused and lost at what is going on. He even sounds irritated that you might actually be in shock due to these memories that are just fake—not even real. Not like what he has.

Example 2

“What’s wrong with Bell?” -Adler

“I’m not sure. . .” -Park

“I guess we’ll just wait on you to proceed, Bell.”

The contrast is dizzying. He sounds concerned when he asks Park on what could be wrong with you. If he pushed you too far and now you’re just frozen. And, instead of rushing you due to how the fate of half of Europe is at stake, he decides to give you space. Just wait for you and you’ll come out of it soon enough.

He does these sort of reactions numerous times. Jumping from intimidating to the Adler we knew as the player, as Bell—kind and always in your corner that believes in you. He switches tactics based on what he believes will work really—or he just felt really on edge at times and threw the farce that you two were friends out the window.

Other examples include:

Scenario 11–Napalm Strike-in the lab in the room where you were brainwashed

“Christ, what’s happening with them?”-Adler

“A mild seizure. Sims, past me a benzodiazepine.” -Park

Again, concerned. Worried. Almost…at unease?

In the lab—tripped up on drugs. If you run through the tight shrinking hallway back and forth like so(I suck at making gifs, I’m sorry):

“Why is Bell repeating themselves?”

Or

“Bell, stop speaking in circles.”

Now, as others may have suspected, Bell is talking to everyone as they’re stuck in this horrible loop of mental torture. Most likely muttering, hands clenching and arms pulling against the straps of the gurney, moving their head back and forth depending on what they’re seeing. I always saw Bell as muttering quickly in Russian as they go through all of this—their mother tongue where it may comfort them as they’re panicking and speaking to Adler.

It’s just a nice detail showcasing how exactly Adler knows that Bell is on script—Bell saying what they’re seeing and doing and what’s going on. It shows also just how hard they put Bell through the ringer(badum tss. I’ll leave now).

All the details too when the game shows how the drugs they put in Bell affects you. Like so. The hallways appearing long. The lights looking yellow. You feel so fast—look how quick you can run. Run towards the Red Door that Adler so desperately wants and maybe this can stop. Ah, why is it running away from you? What’s going on?

I don’t know about you, but I was so lost and confused at what was going on my first playthrough. For the majority of this mission, the possibility of me being brainwashed didn’t reach the BACK of my mind till probably I actually saw the flashes of scenes about Vietnam and calling Bell a subject. So like right here.

I personally thought that I had a repressed memory or something due to me going through the Vietnam War. That whatever I saw with Perseus, I—or rather Bell—repressed it from our mind due to how violent or horrible what we saw or experienced was. And that Adler suspected and just really wanted to know about it.

I didn’t expect for the man to actually brainwash my character—us—Bell! The game made Adler your mentor, who always defended you from Hudson and believed in your skills very highly. How he and Bell were basically perfect partners when the two of you were together.

It’s amazing—cause I think that’s what the developers were going for. The absolute trust. The loyalty. The denial that ‘maybe Adler is being a little harsh but hey, this is to help Perseus so it’s okay?’ It’s perfect. Because I’m sure that is what Bell actually felt in real time.

Yet, if you go through the total rebellious choice of not listening to Adler, some thing’s make sense. The Rebellious Side shows you way more than if you just listen to Adler like a Dutiful Soldier.

You go through this room if you choose the rebellious route, the T.V.’s automatically turning on the closer you get. Of Vietnam. And now, all those T.V.‘s that turned on by themselves(the Red Room, Lubyanka, Cuba) make sense. You were actually being brainwashed. Poor Bell probably can’t ever have a turned off/broken T.V. again. The trauma.

Said trauma being shown multiple times too. Not just the T.V.‘s. But the absolute terror that Bell felt, before they became Bell, with Adler.

Like do you see this? This terrified me when I saw it at the end of the hallway. I just saw a red shadow in the distance and I legit thought I was about to be chased. Call of Duty became a horror game(I also went through the door to the ground too my first playthrough, so before this I went through zombies and I think my heart was going to jump out my chest) I thought. I didn’t want to get closer. I had to, with each step I see that it’s not a shadow but a body. And than I see the familiar jacket, the sound of whirring in my ears and see it’s Adler’s head being twisted back and forth, side to side, up and down, in a speed that in inhumanely possible.

Makes one wonder if Bell themselves sees Adler as inhumane. Not human. Adler seeming to just be a god in their head. All the Adler shaped rocks/boulders you go through and see. Even one point the V.C. becoming Adler and you killing him over and over and dead bodies of Adler being everywhere.

The man has entered Bell’s head and won’t leave. Just like Adler won’t leave Bell alone.

Heck, there’s one point in my playthroughs of this mission I was by the bridge yet there were parts of the lab by it. I jumped towards it, noticing down below there were different floors of the lab that eventually reach the ground. I jumped to reach the next floor and missed and I died.

And Adler mocked Bell committing suicide.

That was the kicker really that Adler truly is indifferent towards Bell. Like complete disregard. I know it’s fake. We know it’s fake. Adler knows it’s fake—but to Bell, it felt real. That’s the crazy part. All of this—this whole sequence feels real to Bell so each time they die they actually feel it. It’s insane. It’s cruel.

But we all know that Adler isn’t known for his kindness. Still like his character though, he’s layered.

I don’t have the exact quote he said, didn’t wrote it down like the others. I was shook he said it at all.

Moving on to the final details I’m going to talk about.

When you go through the room, I believe this comes out for both rebellious and dutiful, really depends. You see it filled with post it notes, articles, plans, and newspapers. And you see once more just how Bell has been scarred.

I don’t know Russian or German, but I imagine the notes are similar to what the English one’s say. If I’m wrong, please point it out.

There’s also post it notes which I believe is in code as well due to all the numbers—I’m not sure what those could mean since I am no decoding expert.

Poor poor Bell. And with all these pictures and plans—of Adler included—it begs the question that Bell may have been warned about the famous America’s Monster beforehand. Had to have—since Adler is basically Perseus’s adversary due to how stubborn the American man could be. It just adds more to the story, despite Cold War having quite a short campaign, they made it up somewhat with all these details everywhere.

When you finally and actually reach the room.

As you grow closer to the table, to your chair in the conference room while everyone else seems to have their own spots, there’s something I noticed.

There’s glasses. As well as a hat. And it’s Bell’s. Or at least, it used to be. Why else is it on their side of the table? By their chair? I believe it might be reading glasses due to all the decryptions Bell does, whether on paper or through a computer, it’s hard on the eyes. (I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed this. For look at @second-vtoroy ‘s Bell)

I believe through the brainwashing, Bell might not need glasses anymore. After all, apparently they were a smoker like Adler before too but they took that out of you. What else they changed of Bell? It makes one wonder how far they truly went into molding a person.

Which just adds onto how mind boggling this mission is—this game is. This is my favorite COD game, despite how short it is. The details and choices and interactions with everyone and able to create your own character(albeit it’s very standard and not specific but it’s good enough for me) is AMAZING. I’ve always been a sucker for RPG’s and able to get that even a little in a COD game? Truly wonderful.

I couldn’t touch on everything because it would’ve gotten long, but the fun of the Break on Through mission never gets old. It’s genius multiple ways you can do it. All the details. The feelings you feel as a player as you go through it.

They truly did a unique job with this and I hope they continue with this type of game storytelling. Hopefully longer as well.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this rant basically!

Gifs made by me and used the video down below to help.

https://youtu.be/t6QkmkGGHSQ

[taschamonnii]

Imagine This  - Suffocate

You x Leigh Shaw (Sorry For Your Loss - Elizabeth Olsen) 

Angst/Fluff

Summary: You meet Leigh Shaw and she literally saves your life. 

TW: Attempted suicide not explicit, depression, bipolar depression 

Here is the title song: Suffocate by Miki Ratsula & Lauren Sanderson

Read on Ao3

AN: This is just to hold me over while I continue to write the series I have for Leigh because I have been desperately wanting to write for her and think we need more stories for her.

Word Count: 3,771

Imagine This:

You are on your knees, desperate sobs leave you as you grip the grassy weeds. You are on the edge of a cliff that is on a hiking trail in California. It is the middle of the night. Your therapist said to take walks when you feel overwhelmed, lonely, and suicidal. The problem is that you googled hiking trails near you and didn’t bother to look at what the trial included. Now here you are already thinking about throwing yourself off a cliff and you have a perfectly suitable cliff right in front of you. You know deep down that you don’t want to jump but your mind is basically screaming to jump on an endless loop. 

Your bipolar depression whispers lies to you. Things like no one will miss you, or that life is meaningless anyway, that all you have to do is jump and it all ends. The logistics are that you don’t know what happens when you die. For all, you know you could wake up and have to relive your entire life all over again. You also know there is no guarantee that you would die instantly or at all for that matter people survive falls all the time. 

All the thoughts swirl in your mind and all you can do is scream into the open air. You are suffocating, drowning in every little thing that makes life miserable. 

You scream.

“I can’t do this!”

You have been alone so long and unhappy for so long that you can’t remember if you ever were happy. You scream and cry and punch the ground beneath you. 

“Are you okay?”

You jump slightly, startled out of your thoughts at the soft question behind you. 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You turn away from the edge of the cliff to see a woman standing on the trail with a flashlight pointed to the ground near your feet. It is dark and your vision is strained due to the excessive crying. You sit there silently, you feel like you are dreaming or something this moment doesn’t feel real. 

She kneels down in front of you.

“Are you okay?”

Your voice doesn’t sound like yours as you struggle to speak.

“I - fi- I-I’m fine.”

“You were just screaming and crying and now you are trembling. I don't think that you are fine. Can I sit next to you?”

You nod your head no use lying if she heard you screaming she knows you are far from fine. She sits next to you and it is silent for a bit.

“Can I tell you something?” 

Again you just nod this complete stranger doesn’t really feel like a stranger and you honestly could use the distraction of listening to whatever she has to say. 

“I am not okay. I came out here because my husband’s body was found at the bottom of this cliff months ago and I will never know if he fell or if he jumped. I keep learning new things about him and I can’t talk to him about any of it so I was going to come here and ask the silent night air.”

You feel grounded in reality for the first time in a long time. You feel real as this stranger tells you an ugly truth about her life. 

“I am sorry for your loss. What were you going to ask?”

She takes a deep breath.

“It’s stupid I won’t get any answers.”

“It’s not stupid, ask me what you want to ask him.”

She turns to look at you and moonlight catches her eyes and your breath hitches at the sight of the emerald green. 

“Matt, that was his name,” she pauses, you nod understanding and she proceeds.

“Matt, did I make you happy? Did you cheat on me? Did you want to leave me? Did you god, did you jump?”

You can’t help but feel for her. You don’t know her but you feel a deep desire to comfort her.

“Did Matt make you happy?”

“What?”

“Did Matt make you happy?”

“Yes, he was my favorite person.”

“Then hold onto that. I can tell you that even if he did jump it wasn’t him that wanted to do it. I don’t want to be out here crying in the middle of the night contemplating everything and fighting with myself or rather my mental illness over whether or not I should jump.” 

“What do you mean by fighting with your mental illness? Matt was depressed but he never wanted to talk to me about it. All I wanted was to have some kind of understanding of what it was like.”

“Well, it’s different for everyone. I have bipolar depression and have dealt with it my entire life, chemical imbalance, lots of therapy, and treatment. I have been on every medication there is none of them help. For me, it is like a mixture of emotions all the time. So what you have walked up on here is a depressive low swing in my emotional state. I feel like everything in the world is meaningless. I feel like I don’t know what happiness is or if I have ever been happy at all. I live in an endless loop of feeling everything and feeling nothing. Sometimes I don’t feel real, sometimes I feel dead, and sometimes I feel numb and exhausted, and other times I feel so much internal pain that I think I might die. Just now I was fighting the voices in my head, my mental illness, which was telling me that no one would miss me, that life is meaningless, and to just end it. I know it is the illness I have been fighting those voices my entire life.”

“Thank you for sharing all of that. I don’t know you but I am glad you fight it. I am glad I happened to find you here tonight.”

“I am glad you showed up when you did as well. You pulled me out of my head.” 

She smiled softly at you and then laid back and looked up at the stars. You decided to copy her and something just felt right when your shoulders brushed together. She pointed up at a constellation “do you know what that one is called I always forget?”

You smiled because you actually love the stars and could talk about them forever. You follow her hand to where she is pointing and let out a small giggle. “Do you mean the big dipper?”

“Hey don’t laugh, I hardly ever see the stars. I rarely find myself out in nature at night like this.”

You smile, “that's a good point L.A. is not ideal for stargazing. Here can I show you some of the constellations?” You lift your hand up to hers but pause before you take it in yours awaiting her response. 

“Show me.”

You take her hand in yours and align your hand over hers to make it so you are both pointing your index finger up at the sky. Her hand feels like nothing else you have ever felt before. It almost feels electric. You trace the little dipper with your hand “that’s the little dipper.”

She moved her bent leg to hit yours “I figured that.”

You hit her leg back lightly as you laughed. “Well, I had to make sure.”

The air was light as you moved on to show her all the other constellations you knew. When you try to let go of her hand she quickly moves to intangible her fingers with yours. She brings it down to rest in between you. “Thank you,” she paused, realizing she doesn’t know your name.

You realize and smile, “it’s Y/N.” 

“Thank you, y/n. I’m Leigh.”

She says your name in a way no one else ever has somehow. She says it as if she has always known your name. It sounds like it belongs on her lips. “It’s my pleasure, Leigh. I love talking about the stars. Thank you for interrupting my mental breakdown.”

“Oh, that’s actually my specialty. Matt hated it; he just wanted to be left alone anytime he was struggling.”

“A lot of people are like that I can be as well, mostly because I don’t have anyone I like or trust to talk to about it besides my therapist and I am not going to bug her all the time she doesn’t get paid enough for that.”

“Well, then it is an honor that you liked me enough to talk to me.”

You turn your head as you feel her gaze on you and smile as your eyes meet. “This is going to sound weird but you don’t feel like a stranger and I don’t know I just trusted you right away.” 

“My mom would call it destiny or some shit like that so it doesn't sound that strange. I grew up with strange. Plus I feel the same like I have known you all my life even though I don’t really know you at all.”

“Your mom sounds fun.” 

She laughed, “Oh, you have no idea.” 

You hesitate and then you realize you were literally thinking about suicide a few minutes ago and decide to be brave. “Would you want to get to know me?”

She looks at you and it’s like you are being seen for the first time in your life. “I would love to get to know you, y/n. If we start walking down this mountain now we could get to the bottom by the time my favorite donut place opens.” 

You tilt your head with a silly smile “are you asking me on an early morning donut date?”

“Yes, yes I am.”

She smiled and hopped up never letting go of your hand making you get pulled along with her, “come on.”

“Yes, ma’am. Bossy, I like it.”

“You will regret saying that.”

“Oh really? Are you super bossy? I sense top energy from you and I am never wrong about these things.”

“Others would describe me as bossy, yes. How does one sense top energy?”

“Yeah, definitely a top then. I don’t know, I just do. Just like how I get some intense Bisexual vibes from you.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, tell me I’m wrong.”

“I don’t know. I mean I just know what I like, that doesn’t make me a top, and I haven’t been with a girl since college.”

You smirked “okay so maybe a switch with some top tendencies and that is bisexuality, Leigh. It doesn't expire just because you married a man and haven’t been with a girl in a long time.”

She let out a laugh that instantly made you laugh along with her. “You are like no one else I know. You say my name like we have known each other forever.” She smiled softly at you.

You returned her smile. “I feel like I have known you forever, maybe in past lives or something, who knows, but I’m glad I am getting to know you in this life.” 

“I like that. I like you, y/n.”

“Aw shucks.” You brought your free hand up to your cheek and gave her a cheeky smile. “I like you, Leigh.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t believe you are the same person I just walked up on screaming and crying over a cliff.”

“Welcome to my world I am an actual human rollercoaster. I will say I don’t usually swing from a depressed low like what you saw to this kind of manic high so quickly but something about you is bringing out this side of me.”

“Well, I guess I will take that as a compliment?” She questioned.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing. I don’t know if I’d call it a compliment, my compliments are better than that.”

You were in the parking lot at this point and she was leading you to the only car in the lot, a little black thing, you assumed was hers. She laughed and you took the opportunity to prove your point. “You have the best laugh that I have ever heard. It’s warm and contagious. I could listen to you laugh for the rest of my life.”

She stopped walking, stopping you with her right next to the black car. “That is not a compliment that is flirting, y/n.”

“Same difference when talking to a beautiful woman such as yourself. Just the facts.”

You could see her blush now that you were under the parking lot lights and it was glorious. You are a natural flirt but you are not always this bold and straightforward but something about Leigh gives you confidence and you just can’t seem to help yourself.

“Really laying it on thick now.” She shook her head with more laughter.

“We are just scratching the surface. I haven't even mentioned your eyes or freckles yet.”

“What about my eyes and freckles?” She smirked as she leaned back against her car still holding your hand. 

You held her gaze and smiled warmly at her. “I love the stars as I demonstrated with my vast knowledge of the constellations earlier but your eyes put all the stars in the sky to shame and I am positive if you let me connect your freckles we could create the most beautiful constellations on your skin.” 

She bit her bottom lip as her gaze fell to the ground. “You are something else.”

You tilt your head “is that a good thing?”

She lifted her head to meet your gaze once again with a smile. “It is a really good thing. I don’t think anyone has ever complimented or rather flirted with me in such a bold and over-the-top way before. I haven’t been hit on by a woman since college and men almost exclusively talk about my legs.”

“I am not being bold or over-the-top I am just stating the honest truth. I don’t blame men. Your legs are worth worshiping and I could probably talk about them for days, those shorts make them look like they go on for miles.”

She laughed and swatted your shoulder “Okay cut it out!”

“Okay, okay but only because you asked so nicely.”

She bit her bottom lip as she smiled at you seemingly amused by your playful antics. “You are beautiful too, you know even after crying your heart out in the middle of the night. It is actually rather frustrating.”

“Oh, that’s just my superpower. I look more attractive after crying.”

She didn’t reply instead she interrupted your laugh with her lips crashing against yours. You quickly kissed back feeling magnetically drawn to her and pressed closer until your body pressed against hers pinning her to her car. Your hands moved to her hips and hers tangled into your hair and pulled you closer by the nape of your neck. Kissing her felt like nothing you have ever experienced before and yet like the most familiar thing. Like you had finally found your home in her. You slowly pulled away to look at her. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know. When I see something I want I just go for it.”

You smirked at her. “Oh yeah, definitely a top.”

She lightly swatted your shoulder. “Ow! What?”

She bit her bottom lip and shook her head trying to contain her smile. “You think you are so funny.”

“No actually I’m hilarious, mental illness automatically makes you a comedian.”

“Is that so?”

“Oh yeah totally. I bet that you fell for Matt because he was funny. Am I right? Or am I right?”

She tilted her head at you like she was shocked to hear you mention him. Maybe she was used to people avoiding the topic but you are not like most people. Death doesn’t scare you and you know from experience it is much better to remember the good things and talk about the good things when you lose someone. 

She scrunched up her cute little nose. “He started up our first conversation with a joke. It was a bad joke but he told it in a charming way.”

“See! Mental illness makes you funny and charming.”

She shook her head with a laugh. “Alright charmer how about we go get those donuts and you can tell me all about how funny you are.”

You smiled and nodded. 

You have never felt like you could just be yourself around anyone let alone after just meeting someone. Everything felt easy with Leigh and it was. The donut date turned into more dates and before you even realized what had happened days turned into weeks and months and the two of you spent most of your time together. ‘I love you’s’ were shared, and an apartment was bought. Everything just fell into place with Leigh. You still had hard days. Mental illness doesn't just go away even when you are happier than ever but now when you are struggling you never do it alone. Leigh is always there to help you through it and you have been there for her. She likes to think that no matter what happened to Matt he still loves her and is here for her in some way because he brought her to you. Maybe he couldn’t save his own life either it was an accident and he fell or he couldn’t fight his own mental health anymore but he saved your life in a way because if Leigh hadn’t shown up when she did you are not sure you would still be here. You were suffocating drowning in the dark alone and now you are happier than ever and can breathe like you never have before. 

A/N: I was in a low when I started this and well I hope it reaches the right people and helps. You are not alone even if you feel like it and though I don’t believe others can save us I do believe they can help us save ourselves because ultimately it is up to you how you live your life. I hope you all know that you are stronger than you give yourselves credit. Leigh stole my heart instantly. Sometimes I feel like I will never love anyone the way I love her and sometimes that makes me sad but other times it makes me happy because fictional characters can’t hurt me the same way real people can. Anyway if you too find comfort in this character I hope this brought you comfort. Thanks for reading <3

[ginanosakka]

The Scars You Hide

Masterlist

We Meet Again | Next

Summary: After your meeting with Bakugou, you get an unexpected call to meet with someone else from your past. Is it possible to mend a relationship you weren’t sure was even there?

“Hey Mina, does Bakugou ever talk about me?” You asked, skimming through the clothing rack next to her with that wide smile you always seemed to have.

Her hands were filled with clothing items, and at your question she seemed to almost drop them. Her pink skin seemed to pale slightly as you watched a small sweat begin to breakout on your face, and in your heart you knew the truth. You couldn’t help but let your smile drop ever so slightly, but you gave a light laugh to calm her down and bring the mood back up.

“It’s okay, I know he probably doesn’t talk about me. . It was just worth a shot to ask.” You giggle falsely, feeling not a trace of humor in the feeling you got in the pit of your stomach. “Let’s go pay, my treat!” You repeated the words you said every time you went out with any one of your friends, the return for spending some time with you.

It was weird with Mina though, whenever you offered to pay it looked like she was conflicted. Her yellow eyes would soften like you spilled some said truth, but you never questioned it. That look scared you with the fear that she might be tired of you, so you’d ignore it for as long as you could. . .

“Ryu, how many times do I have to tell you not to use your quirk in the house!” You yelled to what seemed like thin air as your son clapped once again with another crayon in his hand.

When his little hands met, a small explosion went off that burned the crayon to ash and he sheepishly looked up at you from his spot next to the coffee table. Ryu was so much like his father that it bewildered you, he managed to be a carbon copy of someone he never even met. Not only did he steal most of Katsuki’s physical genetics, he acted nearly identical and had a variation of his quirk. You wondered if being quirkless was the reason all your genes seemed to fail to make the cut, but how could you be mad at that when you loved everything about the blonde little boy?

It would have been nice if he had a little less of Katsuki’s temper, though.

“Honestly, it’s like you want to see me go gray early,” you huffed and continued on your way to the laundry room with your basket full of clothes.

Seven years ago, doing laundry would have been a funny joke to you. There were maids that were perfectly capable and paid to do it for you, so there was virtually no point in learning. The only time you lifted a finger was for makeup and eating, that’s how your father preferred you to live. It was a big contrast to now, where you stood in leggings and an oversized band t-shirt doing every bit of the cleaning and laundry, for not only yourself, but also the six year old son that was never in the plans for your future. In fact, no part of the life you created for yourself was apart of the original plan.

Your phone rang as you finished putting in your first load into the washer, and you answered it without looking, propping the phone between your shoulder and your ear as you put on the proper settings. The unfamiliar voice you heard nearly made you jump since only a handful of people had your number.

“Hey,” the woman said with uncertainty clear in her tone.

“Hello. Who is this?” You asked straight to the point, still continuing your chores as you went from the laundry room to the living room where Ryu was now coloring peacefully and began picking up his mid placed toys.

“Oh it’s Mina. . Sorry for calling you out of the blue, but I was just wondering if you’d like to talk?”

You froze in place, immediately going into mental hyperdrive over all the things she could want to talk about, but none of them seemed reasonable. Neither of you had any contact after Katsuki told you the truth about everyone, you completely went off the grid and she went on with her life like everyone. It would make sense to come up with a bullshit excuse to get out of it. . . but then again it would be much easier to clean with someone entertaining Ryu.

“I’ll send you my address, we can talk here.”

“So. . he really is Bakugou’s kid.” Mina sweat dropped as you both watched him stand on top of the couch with two hero action figures in hand, one of them being Bakugou, yelling nonsense about how he can’t be beaten.

“HAHA! Not even Dynamight and Ignenium can stop this villain, but I will be victorious!”

‘Honestly, that whole strive for victory mindset could be Katsuki or my dad’s genetics.’

“Carbon copy with some tweaks,” you shrugged and continued on your way to your bedroom with your basket full of laundry.

Mina followed you through your small — but well decorated due to your mother — home looking as troubled as she was hesitant as she always did around you. It still bothered you like when you were just a dumb rich girl, and you were must less keen on ignoring it to keep the peace. You were strangers now, after all, not friends due to business.

“So,” you started as you dropped the basket on the ground in front of your queen with a loud ‘plop’. “I know you didn’t come here to just get a peek at the bastard child of your friend, and you certainly aren’t here to rekindle our fake friendship, Ashido. . Spill it.”

You stared at her with accusation, stance showing that this easily could shift from a friendly encounter to a hostile environment depending on her next choice of words. Mina was a hero now, she most definitely could tell that this wasn’t the time to play pretend and get straight to the point like she would in the face of a real villain. She may be more of a commercial hero, enjoying the occasional spotlight and taking down many villains for a camera, but you remember that she looked death in the face the moment she got on the hero track.

The atmosphere in the room became tense as Mina was taken back by your commanding attitude, one that showed that what she suspected about you was true; this wasn’t the same Y/N she met as a kid. Your eyes were colder, uninviting and daring her to take a step too close into your world. Your posture even deterred her from thinking she was anything more than a stranger you invited into your home. Everything about the way you acted was a clear indication that the worst case scenario she had thought of after you contacted her had most likely come to fruition.

“What. . happened to you, Y/N?” Mina asked hesitantly, and you blinked at the question with your arms unconsciously reaching for your right side, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Mina.

After a moment of silence you explained, “I had him. My father didn’t like that. . and he told me not to go through with it, that it would be a shameful mistake. When I refused, he kicked me out onto the streets saying I wasn’t his daughter. I had nothing and no one, my pregnancy was high risk, and I had just been told that everything I knew wasn’t real, but we made it just fine.”

The answer was so vague beyond being disowned that it didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened between being on the street and now wasn't something you’d be willing to tell just anybody. Especially not the girl who was only her friend in hopes of getting an up on life in her future. The fact that you told her that much was a privilege she should never expect to receive again. Mina could only frown and think of how lost and heartbroken you must have been, all because she couldn’t bring herself to stand without the herd and tell you the truth. You probably didn’t trust anyone now, and the fact that Katsuki probably thought you were living an easy life on your father’s money didn’t sit right with her when you did everything for yourself now, and obviously lived a modest life with his son.

This was her chance to redeem herself for her first failure as a hero, and she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

Mina looked you dead in the eyes with determination that you’d never seen before and said, “I want to help you take care of Ryu.”

Your brows furrowed at her declaration, “I don’t need help-“

“You do, and I’m going to be here for you. I don’t care if you hate me now, but I’m going to make it up to you for being selfish.” Mina pressed, her bouncy pink hair jumping as she bounded closer to you with a grin that used to always make a smile come on your own face. Her smile widened and her eyes closed as she made her words sink in with you. “I want to get to know the real you, Y/N, and I’m not going to miss the opportunity of seeing how you managed to keep a little Bakugou alive.”

You didn’t know what to say, no words were good enough to express every emotion she made you feel after six years of doing everything on your own. There probably weren't any words that could sum up the feeling of someone wanting to see who you really were after being someone else your whole life. You werent fully convinced — you couldn’t be, this not only affected you, but your son too — but there was a simple statement that would let her know that this meant something.

“Thank you.”

A/N: I hope you like this Mina x reader moment! I know there wasn’t much Bakugou and Ryu action, but more to come soon. Also, Ryu’s quirk is explosions that are activated by contact with his hands, meaning that he has to touch something to let out an explosion unlike Katsuki who can just let them rip at any time!

Taglist <3 : @fandomgirllover @cloudsgathering @that-bipolar-renegade-romantic @jazzylove @that-chick212 @bonbonthedragon @hawksnugget @misssugarless @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @bakugous-bakahoe @pinkykookie17 @byakuyaswifee @animexholic @arielting @samkysnks @simpforeveryone @saucey-kneecapzz42020 @liznoonz427 @damnirina @fireworkemoji102 @deneuves @tsumuuumiyaaaa

[brelione]

Field Trip With A Rich Bitch ll (Rafe Cameron X Reader)

Warnings:Ward Cameron,Mentions of Arsenic Poisoning,Mentions of heavy drugs,mentions of bipolar disorder,mentions of death,Rafe being too tall for every day life

He raised his eyebrows. “Where?”He asked.You rolled your eyes,wishing you had a bottle of wine to take a swig from in that moment. “What?You scared you’re gonna get mud on your shoes?”You asked.He sighed,scratching the back of his neck. “How far away is it?”He asked. “Nevermind,rich bitch,clearly you don't want to know the truth about your father.”You went to turn around but his hand grabbed your wrist quickly. “No,no it's not like that...I just wanna know where we’re going.”He mumbled.You pulled your hand from his grasp,staring down at him. “Come on,then.”You told him,beginning your walk outside the garage.His bike was nearly done,scratches holes and dents gone.The last thing to fix was the seat which wouldn't take long at all.He grabbed his phone,sliding it in his pocket.

He followed you out of the garage,waiting with his hands in his pockets as you pulled the garage door shut,bending over to place a lock on it.You could feel him staring at you. “Stop being a perv.”You grumbled,clicking the lock shut and stood back up.You could see the red blush on his cheek,spreading down his neck and ears.He was so easy to fluster.It was hilarious.Rafe had beat the living hell out of multiple teenagers,made some children cry with a glance and came from one of the most powerful families.But here you were,bossing him around,making him blush and causing him to stutter out apologies.You had that power over most people.Some kooks called you a demon and you embraced it.Most people didn't know it but you had the word tattooed on your thigh with two devil horns hovering over it.You were manipulative,assertive and strong.

You had the charm and the looks to get people to like you without knowing you and you had the glare that made the hair on the back of people’s necks stick up straight.You hadnt always been like that,only becoming this emotionless ball of rage after Ward Cameron had destroyed everything that made your life worth living.The beautiful thing was you had Ward Cameron’s one and only son wrapped around your finger and there was nothing he could do about it.Rafe was deprived of attention.Not only was Ward a terrible person but a terrible father as well.Rafe was desperate for attention now and if you gave him the attention he wanted he was all yours.You knew that and deep down he knew it too. “We’ll take the woods,I can't risk being seen with you.”You walked around the back of the garage.It was a steep hill full of rocks and some poison ivy.You knew where not to step and Rafe did his best to step the same places you did.You were pretty far ahead of him,around ten feet.Down the hill was a narrow pavement trail,cracks and holes all over it. “Anyone ever told you that you walk slow for a tall person?”You asked.

He grinned to himself,trying not to fall while also trying not to hit his head on any branches. “How long do you think we’ll be out for?”He asked.You shrugged. “Maybe an hour.”You replied,walking along the narrow pavement.Rafe wasn't used to being in the woods,at least not this deep in the woods,he was jumping at every noise. “Do you think that was a wolf?” “No.” “Did you hear that?” “No.” “Oh my god-what if there's a dead body out here?” “Rafe.We’re going to a cemetery,if there are no dead bodies then that would be a problem.” “I hate cemeteries.” “Well that sucks for you.” As you were coming to the end of the narrow pavement into the grass Rafe jumped from the crunch of a twig,grabbing onto you and pulling you to his chest.You stood stiff,his arms tightening around your waist as he listened for more sounds. “Are you going to let go of me or will I have to drag you?”You asked.He let go of you with a huff. “Do you think we should head back?”He asked.You sighed.

This was what you got from bringing a kook into the woods. “You're such a pussy.”You sighed,continuing your walk.He kept kicking the back of your heel by accident because he was so close behind you.You two walked onto the grass,looking across the field at the gravestones,benches and statues.He had come here a few times for late night drug deals and drinking with Kelce and Topper.It was a creepy old place that always made him shiver.Beer cans and red solo cups littered the ground from his previous trips here.You sighed as you looked across the graveyard to one corner,the one furthest away.He watched as you began your walk across the field.Most of the graves were covered in pollen and dirt splotches,the grass almost as tall as the stones themselves.It was gross and unkept and smelled like weed and cheap beer from gas stations.His feet were sinking into the mud,causing him to grumble something about how annoying it would be to clean them.He dragged his feet as he followed you to one large stone with vines growing up the sides.There were muddy streaks across the names like someone had tried to wipe it clean with a dirty hand.

 “Rafe,meet my parents.Mom,Dad meet the rich bitch.”You sighed,standing in front of the grave.Rafe’s eyes widened,his chest tightening.You grinned at his reaction. “What?”You asked.He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out.What was he even supposed to say?Sorry your parents are dead and ended up in this shitty cemetery.Sorry I dealt cocaine by your parents grave.Sorry half those beer cans are mine. “Close your mouth Rafe,you look like a trout.”You smirked.He closed his mouth,gulping and tapping his leg nervously. “I bet you’re wondering what your dad has to do with this.”You spoke,observing his expression.He nodded,looking at the date on the grave.They had both died on the same day of 2004 which meant you were only two years old at the time. “You ever wonder how your father got all that money in the first place?Cause I can tell you it's definitely not whatever bull shit story he’s been telling everyone.”You used the sleeve of your yellow shirt to wipe the dirt off your parents’ names.He bit the inside of his cheek,waiting for you to continue. 

“Your dad was a dealer.He was my parents dealer.Im not talking about weed either,I mean the heavy shit.Heroin,crack,xanax.What kind of asshole deals xanax?Anyways,he sold to my parents and when they tried to get off the stuff he convinced them to keep buying from him.When they found my ma’s body they found that same heavy shit in her system.But here’s where the story gets really interesting.Not only did they find the heroin but guess what they found.Guess.”You ordered him.He blinked,glancing between you and the grave. “I-I dont know.”He mumbled.You nodded. “Arsenic.Your shitty father poisoned the drugs he gave my parents.WHo does that?”You sighed,flicking a bug off of the grave stone.He bit his lip as he took in this new information. “And he didnt get arrested or charged or anything?”He asked.

You laughed. “What do you think?You think Sarah Cameron would exist?You think you’d live in that big house with all of that nice stuff and your fancy ass gold plated spoons?No.None of that would be possible if your father got what he deserved.You know what your father got?A nice house,millions of dollars,a handsome son and multiple yachts.Thats what he got after killing my parents.You know what I had to grow up with?A one bedroom house with three cousins and a bipolar aunt.Thats what I got.”You ranted,tears stinging in your eyes as you got louder and louder.He didn't say anything,scared that only squeaks would come out.You bit your lip to hold back to the tears,the water leaking from your eyes and down your cheeks as you laughed. “And now my aunt and my baby cousin are dead too!”You gestured to the grave next to you. “And you know what else?I've had to work for 12 years of my life and you know where I live?In a shitty house thats falling apart and all I do is work on cars and bikes every single day and I cant even feel my hands anymore and I have fucking broken toes from kneeling all day and I cant even afford to go to a fucking hospital.And the only person that I can blame is your dad.”You wiped the tears from your face with your sleeves,smearing dirt across your cheekbone.

His bottom lip quivered,fingertips going numb as he listened to you.Something compelled him to step forward,grabbing your waist gently and pulling you into a hug.You did not fight him.If it were under any other circumstances then telling him that his father had been a drug lord,killed your parents,ruined your life and caused you to work every day of your life then maybe you wouldn't have accepted the hug.You never thought you’d be hugging Rafe Cameron,or any kook for that matter. “I can um...I can bring you to the hospital to get your toes fixed.”He offered.You laughed into his chest,getting tears on his shirt. “Wow,thanks.”You whispered,laughing again.He gulped,resting his chin on your head.It seemed that you had both needed a hug.You were holding onto him so tightly,holding fistfulls of his shirt in your hands.He hadnt hugged anyone in years and it seemed that you hadnt either. “Do yourself a favor and don't turn into your father.And if you keep going down the path you’re going down now then you’ll end up just like my parents.”You sighed.He frowned.

You sounded like one of those commercials of people staring at the camera with crocodile tears running down their faces as they talked about some loved one who had died and how drugs weren't the answer.You probably didn't know though,it wasn't like you could afford cable.He just nodded,knowing you did not need his attitude right now. “(Y/N).”He mumbled.You hummed,closing your eyes.You didnt cry often and never in front of people but when you did cry it stung like hell.You couldn't exactly rub your eyes with your fingers either because they had traces of oil and chemicals. “What if we piss my father off and get him to confess to the murders?”He asked.You sniffled,looking up at him with puffy eyes. “How?”You asked.

Part Three will be up this weekend!

@gabbismith​

[sandalwoodhusbands]

Boys that marry | 5k words

There’s a new boy living across his nana’s apartment. He’s blond and he’s very small but he has very big eyes. That’s what he tells his nana when he first sees him, tugging at her sleeve to catch her attention, as the little boy rushes out of the apartment across his nana’s with a truck in his hand.

His nana smiles kindly at the woman standing outside the door, who smiles back at her. She nudges Eliott a little, bending down to whisper “That’s Lucas, honey. Do you want to go say hello?”

Eliott nods enthusiastically, because finally, finally he has someone he can share his coloring books with when he’s at his nana’s. Maybe Lucas likes watching cartoons after nap time too! And they can go to the park together, so Eliott won’t be on the slides all alone anymore. He hates playing alone.

“Hello!”

Lucas lifts his head up from where he was rolling his truck on the stairway, and, whoa. His eyes are really blue. Like the sky blue shade in his crayons box. The boy looks at him a little blankly when Eliott thrusts his hand forward, like his papa has taught him to do.

“I’m Eliott.” He beams. “I’m 7, and I love drawing and petting my neighbor’s puppy.”

Lucas stares at him silently, for long enough that Eliott’s smile begins to slip away. Maybe he doesn’t like dogs? Then Eliott doesn’t want to be his friend, anyway. His best friend’s little sister says you can't trust someone who doesn’t like dogs, and she’s very smart.

He’s contemplating turning around, a little disappointed that he isn’t making a new friend today, when Lucas’ face breaks into a wide grin.

“I’m Lucas! I love puppies too! But my mama won’t let me have one…” He trails off sadly, sucking into his bottom lip. “Do you think your neighbor would let me pet their puppy?”

Eliott’s eager yes! earns him an exasperated look from his nana, but it’s so worth it, he thinks, worth it just to see the way Lucas’ face lights up like a Christmas tree at his words.  

And that’s the beginning.

***

So it turned out Eliott didn’t have to worry about Lucas’ taste at all. Because Lucas loves coloring, although he goes over the line sometimes and accidentally cracked his purple crayon in half once. And he doesn’t like watching cartoons, but he still goes over to his nana’s every Tuesday and Thursday after Eliott gets home from school, and he lets Eliott touch his hair until they fall asleep in his nana’s big bed. Eliott really likes Lucas’ hair.

The sun is finally coming back after a week of rain. Eliott is excited to go out today, he’s missed playing with the sand, which is what he tells Lucas as he drags the little boy into the street by the hand, Lucas’ mama trailing right behind them.

Lucas laughs behind him, his sand bucket full and rattling loudly when they run towards the empty park.

There isn’t anyone here today, which doesn’t really surprise Eliott, because he has never seen any kids running around here. It used to make him sad, his nana’s eyes full of sympathy every time he would stare at the ground and mumble that it’s okay, he can build a sandcastle without anyone’s help anyway. But he doesn’t care anymore, because Lucas is with him now.

Despite having the whole park to themselves, they plop themselves down on the same spot inside the sandbox. It’s later than Eliott thought, and so it’s starting to get a little dark already. He can't see very well inside the windows of the apartment building anymore, and the wind is cold when it blows on their faces.

Eliott purses his lips, eyebrows knitted together as he watches Lucas, who’s filling the bucket with sand. His cheeks are getting pink from the cold, and he sniffs a little after a big whoosh of wind ruffles their hair, so Eliott doesn’t think twice before taking off his scarf and wrapping it around Lucas.

“Here.” He says, holding both ends of the scarf and wrapping them around Lucas. Lucas blinks, startled, only his eyes peeking out from under the scarf. They’re a darker blue today, like his papa’s car. “So you don’t get cold.”

“Oh.” Lucas’ voice comes muffled, and Eliott has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing. Lucas frowns, looking down at the scarf before pulling it down his chin. “Thank you.”

And then he’s inching closer to Eliott, planting a rushed kiss on his cheek.

Blood warms Eliott’s cheeks, a blush that he feels spreading all the way down to his shoulders. He stares at Lucas, who looks as surprised as Eliott feels, unable to help the giddy smile that splits his face in two.

Lucas rolls his eyes a little, grumbling. “What?”

Sometimes he gets like this, especially when he’s tired or nervous. Pouts around, rolls his eyes at Eliott with a grumpy little face that Eliott finds very endearing.

He just learnt that word at school last month. His teacher explained it to him as “that feeling you get in your belly when you see a little dog in the street”, because his teacher knows he likes dogs a lot, and Eliott had understood. And then he’d realized it applied to Lucas, too.

Eliott shrugs, beaming. “Nothing.” And then, “You kissed me.”

“On the cheek.”

“Yes.” Eliott nods cheerily. “You did.”

Lucas squints his eyes. “So what?”

“Why did you do it?”

Eliott sees Lucas’ cheeks flush under the scarf, and this time it isn’t from the cold.

Lucas averts his gaze, drawing circles in his legs quietly, as if he’s pondering over something, before facing Eliott shyly. “I don’t know.” He mumbles. “Mama said that’s what you do when you love someone a lot lot.”

He looks at Eliott expectantly.

“Oh, alright.” Eliott says. He jumps up from his seat, pressing a loud kiss to Lucas’ forehead in return. “Now we’re even.”

Lucas’ eyes are a little dazed when Eliott sits back again, but he shakes himself out of it quickly, nodding jerkily. “Now we’re even.”

Eliott thinks it’s the end of the conversation as he watches Lucas resume back to his sand filling task, so he does the same. But then Lucas’ voice sounds again, softer than before, and Eliott has no choice but to listen carefully.

“Mama also said,” Lucas starts. “She said that those people, they get married, if they love each other a lot lot. And then they can live in the same house, and get a dog.”

“That sounds nice.”

Lucas nods. “It does. And… And boys that marry, they don’t have to leave their nana’s houses before dinner. So they don’t have to miss each other when they’re gone.”

“Lucas,”

“And they can also nap together forever, and color books until they run out of them.”

Eliott sets his eyes on Lucas, waiting patiently until Lucas returns his gaze. And when he does, Eliott says in the most serious tone he can muster, “Then we'll get married, so I can stay with you every day.”

“Promise?”

Lucas’ eyes are brimmed with hope, his face lit up with joy, and there’s a feeling inside his belly that isn’t endearment, he knows that much, because it’s warmer, and nicer, and he doesn’t really understand, but he makes a mental note to ask his teacher about it tomorrow morning. Now though, he has a promise to make.

He lifts his hand towards Lucas, hooks their fingers together, and squeezes. “Promise.”

When they have to go home, it’s dark out, and his parents are waiting for him at nana’s. He makes sure to squeeze Lucas extra tight before he disappears behind the door, sad that he has to leave again, and asks his parents if he can sleep over at Lucas’ next weekend. His parents say yes, and he makes them call Lucas’ mama the next day so he can tell Lucas himself.

When he asks about the warmth in his belly at school, his teacher calls it love.

***

There’s a boy in his bed. He’s no longer blond, but his eyes are still as bright as they were when Eliott saw them for the first time. His body is a familiar shape under the covers, the blanket draped over their laps draws the curve of his waist, and his face is illuminated by the laptop between them.

Things have changed now, but they also haven’t.

They haven’t, in the way that Lucas still sleeps in his bed more often than not. In the smell of his clothes, and the softness of his hair when Eliott buries his nose in it. It feels like nothing’s changed, because they’re still Lucas and Eliott, and Eliott still draws for Lucas, and Lucas still shoots daggers at anyone who dares cough in Eliott’s direction.

At the same time, everything’s different.

They’re not kids playing pretend anymore, for once. Actions have consequences now, they’ve both learnt it the hard way. Lucas stays at Eliott’s house, in Eliott’s bed, and this time it’s not because they’re allowed to watch cartoons until dinner, but because his mama throws vases against walls and screams at Lucas when he gets home from school. Eliott draws for Lucas, and it’s not the color of the sky that reminds him of Lucas’ eyes, but the words that he can’t quite figure out how to say out loud.

Everything’s different.

They can reach the bottom of the mattress with the tips of their toes. Lucas drinks beer at parties, and when it turns his cheeks pink and his smile bigger, Eliott feels warmth in his belly, but also between his legs. Sleepovers still have shitty movies, but it also has a joint or two, and when Lucas’ sleeping shirt rides up one inch, Eliott’s mouth goes dry.

And Eliott is bipolar.

But Lucas didn’t leave, so it’s different, but it also isn’t.

“This movie is shit.” Lucas says off-handedly halfway through.

Eliott is honestly surprised it took him this long to comment on it. He doesn’t have the energy to muster up a good argument, a little because nothing he says will save the movie from being absolute trash, but mostly because today is the first day he felt strong enough to shower.

He feels bad about having Lucas here with him. Eliott doesn’t know what time is it, he lost track of time days ago, so now it’s only “moments Lucas is here” and “moments Lucas isn’t here”. Despite all predictions, there’s been a good amount of Lucas is here moments.

Eliott had tried to stop him at the beginning, because it’s summer, and no 16 year old boy should be wasting away his summer afternoons in a smelly room with the curtains drawn closed, an empty boy sleeping in the middle of the bed.

Lucas had only glared at him before taking his shoes off, curling his body against Eliott’s quietly when he got in bed. Eliott hadn’t showered in five days then, but Lucas hadn’t seemed to care when he had kissed his forehead before burying his words in Eliott’s hair.

“There’s no such thing as wasting my summer away, as long as I’m wasting it with you. That’s enough for me.”

And now they’re here.

It had been Lucas himself the one who insisted on watching a movie, taking Eliott’s laptop from the desktop and clicking on what Eliott thinks was a random choice before laying down in bed with him.

Eliott knows Lucas doesn’t expect an answer, he never does when Eliott is like this. Still, he turns his body towards Lucas, a twitch of a smile playing in his lips. Lucas doesn’t turn to look at him, engrossed in the screen in front of them, frowning like the movie has personally offended him.

He knows Lucas does it because he knows how much the attention can drain Eliott. Eliott loves him so much.

“Seriously, Eli. Are you seeing this?” Lucas gestures wildly. “He thinks that just by marrying her he’s gonna solve all of her problems? Like, what, now that she has a ring around her finger her mother will magically love her? That’s bullshit. This whole idealized marriage illusion is bullshit.”

His words make Eliott’s eyebrows shoot up. He sits up with his back leaning on the bed’s headboard.

“You don’t wanna get married?” His voice sounds a little hoarse when he speaks, so he reaches for the glass of water Lucas had left on the bedside table earlier.

If Lucas is surprised by Eliott's interaction, he doesn't show it. He shrugs, eyes still on the screen.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” His words sound final, bitter. “I mean, look at my mama and dad, right? What does marriage even mean? A promise written on paper, a promise of what? Commitment? Love? A mutual decision to keep each other company until the next best thing comes along? 51.2% of marriages in France end in divorce. Everyone wants to get married, but no one ever knows what promise they’re making.”

“Wow.” Eliott breathes “That’s deep.”

Lucas huffs, and the laptop light shines on the small smile on his face. He turns. “You?”

In different circumstances that stare would’ve made his heart beat loudly against his chest. As it is now, he feels a faint beating in his fingertips. “Maybe.” He says slowly. “It would be nice.” And then, “Boys that marry get to adopt puppies, right?”

Eliott sees how Lucas’ expression turns softer, the corner of his lips turning up slightly as he stares at the hands fiddling in his lap. He’s beautiful like this, in a room full of darkness, wearing one of Eliott’s t-shirts, smiling down at his hands from something that Eliott said.

Eliott’s insides twitch with fondness.

“Boys that marry get to adopt puppies.” Lucas agrees in a murmur, almost like he’s saying the words to himself. He’s quiet for a minute, a minute that Eliott uses to lay down again, almost certain that the conversation is done for today, when he faces Eliott again. “Hey, Eli?”

Eliott closes his eyes. “Yeah?”

“I think that,” Lucas pauses, “that if it was a boy marrying me, maybe I would like that.”

Eliott hides his smile on the pillow, and then he’s saying “me, too.”

He hears Lucas’ sharp intake of breath.

“But Lucille…?”

“I don’t care about that.” He shrugs. “Gender.”

“Oh. That’s chill.”

He hears the lid of his laptop being closed off, and then there’s a weight next to his head on the pillow that wasn’t there before. He wriggles closer to Lucas wordlessly until there’s an arm around his waist.

“Do you like any boys?” He can’t help but ask, although he thinks he knows already.

Lucas doesn’t flinch when he answers. “Yeah, I think I do.” He plays with the hem of Eliott’s shirt. It’s comforting, the gesture lulling Eliott to sleep. “You?”

There’s a dead weight in his limbs, and the sleep tugs at him from behind his eyelids, but he wills himself to stay awake enough to answer.

“Same.”

Lucas doesn’t kiss him then, but his hand sneaks under Eliott’s t-shirt. His fingers draw colorless hearts on Eliott’s hip, and neither of them moves.

It’s okay. It isn’t their time yet.

***

It’s three months later, when the color has returned to Eliott’s face and laughter hurts his sides, that their time comes.

They were at a party, the fourth one in the past four weeks, because Eliott is new at school, the mysterious third year that is one year older than everyone, and Lucas is adamant he socializes. So partying every weekend it is.

Eliott doesn’t really mind. He can’t drink much anymore, and Lucas only drinks one or two beers now, to show his support. He says he doesn’t need to get drunk to have fun anymore, now that Eliott is here with him. He’s the sweetest boy Eliott knows.

So it’s okay, because Lucas’ group of friends is nice to him, and although they’re here so Eliott can make friends Lucas doesn’t detach himself from his side all night.

Walking home, their pinkies had been intertwined together between their bodies as they stumbled around a little in the sidewalk, not because they were drunk, but because Lucas would separate them as far as their hold would allow them, before tugging at Eliott’s arm, making him collide against his side.

It was cold, a dark October night, when Eliott’s loud laugh had echoed through an empty neighbor as Lucas almost walked into a streetlight. And Lucas had stopped to watch him, as Eliott laughed and laughed, before he’d taken two long strides towards Eliott.

Cupping his cheek, he had said, “I’m so in love with you, you have no idea.”

And then they had kissed.

“You think you’re so cool, huh?” Lucas says into his mouth now. They’re in Eliott’s bed, like every other Saturday, except Eliott gets to kiss him any time he wants now. “Eliott Demuary, public vandal and mysterious art boy who posts cryptic shit on instagram,” Eliott laughs under him, squeezing his hips, and Lucas grins. “When in fact he’s a dubstep dork who just wanted to post a picture of his boyfriend sleeping?”

Eliott shrugs unapologetically, beaming up at Lucas. “You love it, admit it.”

“No,” Lucas denies. He has stars in his eyes, and his hair flies everywhere when he shakes his head. He places one hand on Eliott’s collarbone, bending down until their noses touch. “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

Lucas’ eyes turn into crescent moons when he smiles, and he brushes the tip of his nose down the bridge of Eliott’s. “I love you more.”

“Impossible.” Eliott whispers. He presses a soft kiss to Lucas’ lips, then to his cheek, tilting his chin up, scattering little kisses all over Lucas’ face.

Lucas giggles, tucks his chin to his chest as Eliott’s lips tickle the side of his face, a sound high and so beautiful that he hopes the neighbors heard, just so that they know how happy he makes this boy in his bed. How happy they make each other.

Eliott’s hands smooth down from Lucas’ waist to his thighs, and he laughs when Lucas pushes his face away with his hand, licking it in the process.

Lucas sits on Eliott’s stomach, looking down at him with a disgusted face. “You’re disgusting.” He states, drying his hand on Eliott’s t-shirt. Eliott grins lazily, blowing him a kiss, and it only takes a wriggle of his eyebrows for Lucas to roll his eyes before he’s gripping the front of his t-shirt, pulling him up. “You’re a disgusting, smug little shit, and I hate you.”

Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas’ middle, pulls him closer to his chest, pressing his grin against Lucas’. “You lying, liar who lies.”

“Whatever.” It isn’t his strongest comeback, but the heels digging into Eliott’s back makes up for the lack of words.

Eliott smiles amusedly, tightening his grip across Lucas’ back, his fingers tucked under the waistband of Lucas’ underwear. Lucas returns his smile, a lot more wickedly and knowingly, heat in his eyes as he loop his arms around Eliott’s neck, and slots their lips together.

It’s a back and forth of mouths sliding together, Lucas playfully nipping at Eliott’s lower lip and Eliott brushing his tongue across the roof of Lucas’ mouth in response. Lucas twists his head, and his bottom lip catches between Eliott’s teeth, making them both gasp.

“So you say boys who marry can get a house together,” Eliott pants. Lucas presses his thumbs under his jaw, and Eliott’s eyes flutter closed. “But what’s the package for boys who kiss?”

Lucas pulls away enough to look at Eliott in the eye, tip of his tongue peeking out of his mouth when he smirks.

“I can think of a few things.”

The hurried kiss that Eliott gives him makes Lucas laugh into his mouth, and then they’re falling, falling, falling, tumbling down the bed in each other’s arms.

It’s the best morning Eliott’s ever had.

***

It’s meant to be an innocent question, Eliott knows.

They’re on the other side of France, celebrating the summer solstice under the moon. There’s a big blanket under them, a chair that Yann had insisted on bringing digs into his back if he leans backwards, and the sound of the waves crashing in the shore fills the silence.

It’s starting to get a bit chilly, but still warm enough in the way summer nights are, so they don’t really need a jacket. Still, Eliott buries himself in Lucas’ side, planting a kiss to Lucas’ neck before hiding his face in the crook of his shoulder. He feels Lucas’ laugher against his cheek, and smiles to himself contently.

Arthur turns off the flashlight on his phone, because he’s running out of battery, but also because the moonlight is enough to shine light on their hand-made cocoon. It’s a quiet night. Small talk, quiet chattering that Eliott isn’t paying attention to, a joint being passed around the group.

Every time it gets to Lucas, he takes a big hit before passing it over to Yann behind Eliott’s head. And then he tilts Eliott’s chin up, coaxing his mouth open with two fingers to his jaw, before exhaling the smoke in his mouth. Because he doesn’t smoke much these days; this way he doesn’t overdo it, and Lucas is a very considerate boyfriend.

Lucas’ breath taste sweet in his mouth when their lips brush together, and his tongue is playing with Lucas’ when Yann speaks.

“Why aren’t you two married yet?”

Eliott whines when Lucas pulls back to stare at Yann, and it takes him a second to register the question.

When he does, he’s already come up with very reasonable arguments to explain how Lucas isn’t done with school yet, and they don’t even have the economic stability required to organize a proper wedding right now. That him and Lucas, they had decided from the first day that they’d take life minute by minute, and they’re comfortable with the status of their relationship at the moment, when Lucas looks at him, a glint in his eye that never fails to set his blood on fire, and says

“Yeah baby, why aren’t we?”

Eliott chokes on the smoke in his lungs, like a fucking amateur. Lucas rubs his back until he stops coughing, and no one comments on it.

When he turns to look at Lucas, and he’s sure he must look like a lunatic, with the way his heart is threatening to beat out of his chest, Lucas only shrugs happily, wrapping his arm around Eliott’s shoulders again.

“I’m just saying,” Yann continues “that you two are the most in love motherfuckers I’ve ever met. It’s actually embarrassing to see, it’s been what, 5 years? And every time I see Lucas puppy eyes when Eliott is standing across the room gives me second-hand embarrassment.”

“I’m surprised they haven’t tied the knot yet.” Basile chips in. “Or maybe they have! Did you get hitched and never told anyone? That’s harsh, man.”

Eliott doesn’t need to look at Lucas to know he’s rolling his eyes.

“No Bas, we didn’t get married and told no one.”

That conversation ends there, everyone moving on to other topics like how much would it cost to fill a pool with water balloons, and Eliott stops paying attention after that. Instead, he lifts his head up from Lucas’ shoulder.

He stares at Lucas’ profile, at the shadows his eyelashes create on his cheekbones, and the slope of his nose, and the little dimple that appears when the corners of his mouth raise slightly, and he can’t help but press his lips to Lucas’ cheek.

Eliott snuggles back against Lucas’ shoulder when Lucas’ smile widens, satisfied, and lets Lucas grab his hand. He pulls it on his lap, turns it over, running his fingers up and down his palm. Then he’s brushing Eliott’s fourth knuckle slowly, and Eliott smiles harder.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe they don’t need the money or the jobs, as long as it’s Lucas standing at the end of the aisle. He thinks about calling Lucas his fiancé, his husband, and maybe Eliott is starting to be a little less okay with the status of their relationship.

Much, much later, when the world starts to get brighter, and they’re walking back to their airbnb, Eliott pushes Lucas against a streetlight. Lucas tilts his head to one side curiously, but doesn’t ask any questions, cupping Eliott’s hips.

“So you wanna get married, then?”

A ray of sunlight falls on Lucas’ smile. “Gotta get that dog you promised me 15 years ago, don’t I?”

“I’m pretty sure that was all you, baby.”

“Still.”

“So we’re doing this then?”

Lucas bridges the distance between them, kissing him softly. “We’re doing this.”

“Okay,” And then, “By the way, if you think this counts as a marriage proposal, you’re wrong. I’m gonna woo you so hard you’ll cry. Just you wait.”

Lucas only laughs, loud and hard, and he knows he would call Eliott a sap and say it’s scientifically impossible, but Eliott swears the street turns brighter after that laugh.

***

In the end, it comes down to the same place where it started.

They’re on the way back to his grandma’s, like every other Friday afternoon. Lucas’ mama doesn’t live there anymore, and it used to make Lucas flinch every time they passed his former apartment, at the beginning, just after they had taken her to the facility.

He’d cry in Eliott’s arms when they got home, drowned by his own guilt, for not helping her more when he should have, for a lot of things, and it took him a long time to understand it was never his fault. But eventually, he got there, and now his face is only lit up by a grin when his grandma greets them at the door. They’re smitten with each other, it’s adorable to see.

So they’re walking down the stairs in her grandma’s apartment building, and Eliott is so nervous he’s afraid his knees will give in under him, so he grips the railing until his knuckles turn white and hopes Lucas doesn’t suspect a thing.

Knowing Lucas, he probably does.

And when Lucas is stopped by Eliott’s hand grabbing his, Lucas only smiles indulgently.

“It’s still early.” Eliott swallows past the lump of his throat. “How about we go check out the park we used to go to when we were kids? It’s been a while since we were there last time, I bet I can still last longer than you on the monkey bars.”

Lucas’ eyes crinkle at the ends. He watches Eliott wordlessly, holding his gaze, and there’s a million unspoken words in his eyes that leave Eliott breathless.

But then he’s letting go of Eliott’s hand-

And he runs, screaming a “race you!” behind his shoulder.

Eliott laughs breathlessly before running after him.

His legs are longer, but Lucas is faster, so in the end it’s a bit of a tie. He bumps their shoulders together playfully, and Lucas grins at him with a childish look in his face.

“You fucker.”

Lucas hums.

“That’s not a way to treat your boyfriend.”

Eliott shakes his head, walking towards the sandbox. He sits on the wooden edge, watching as Lucas does the same, and nudges their knees together.

“You used to be so sad every time I had to go home with my parents.” Eliott recalls fondly. He takes Lucas’ hand in his. It’s cold, because even after all these years Lucas has never mastered the talent of dressing himself accordingly to the weather. “Do you remember, when we’d sit here for hours, and we’d build castles of sand together?”

“I remember.”

“And then one day you told me, that boys who married could nap together forever.” It comes out soft. Lucas squeezes his hand, and he feels a wet tingling sensation in his eyes. “Because you didn’t want me to leave, so I promised you we would get married, and then I’d never have to leave again.”

He hears a sniffle, and lifts up his head to see a lone tear falling from the corner of Lucas’ eye. Lucas smiles sheepishly when Eliott moves his free hand to catch it, nuzzling into his palm.

“And then ten years later, when you told me you didn’t want to get married, I think my heart broke. But then you said that you wouldn’t because you just didn’t get it, and that’s when I understood. Lucas,” Lucas' mouth parts, another tear falling down his cheek, and Eliott’s eyes fill with tears at the image. “Lucas, you had to grow up too soon because of a marriage that had fallen apart, and for that I’m sorry. You said you didn’t understand marriage, because what does it mean, anyway? A promise? What promise?”

Lucas’ smile turns wobbly, and his eyes are the shade of the sky blue crayon in his crayons box again, and Eliott’s hands are shaking as much as his own voice.

“Here’s my promise: I promise to nap with you every day, for the rest of my life. I promise that I’ll be there, after a long day, or a long night, a hungover or the flu, I’ll be there, waiting for you, and we’ll fall asleep together.” He slips off the sandbox, digging his knees into the sand. He swallows at Lucas’ sharp breath when he grabs the ring box from the pocket of his jacket. "So Lucas Lallemant, the boy across my grandma's hallway. My best friend, and the love of my life. Will you marry me?"

And then Lucas is laughing hysterically with tears in his eyes “God fucking damn it Eli, you're holding the box the fucking wrong way."

Eliott looks down, finding the ring facing him instead of Lucas, and despite of everything, he laughs. "Oh, fuck."

He laughs, and Lucas laughs, because they’re ridiculous, and it’s imperfect, and it’s them.

He fumbles with the box, rearranging it with the right way. Lucas is still laughing a little, and he’s fucking gorgeous, even with red eyes and snot covering his face, he’s the love of Eliott’s life. "Take two: will you marry me?"

"Of course I will." And then he’s sliding inside the sandbox with Eliott, nodding, clutching at Eliott’s jacket. “Of course I will, is that even a question? Of course I will, always.”

And Eliott thinks,

Eliott thinks, that this is the easiest promise he's ever made.

[theotherackerman]

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.

NOTES: New Year’s Day January 1st, Friday

Trigger warning: mentions of self harm and suicide.

song credit:

marjorie- taylor swift

CHAPTER THREE:  glitter on the floor after the party

Mikasa stood there, absolutely dumbfounded.

Had Eren really just walked away from her again?

The door opened again.

An unmasked Zeke Jaeger stepped back out and sighed.

“Fucking idiot,” he muttered under his breath as he lit a cigarette.

Mikasa looked over at him.

She knew he was right.

She was an idiot.

As if he was reading her mind, Zeke spoke again.

“Him, not you.” He took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around Mikasa’s shoulders.

“Why are you being so nice to me? If it’s out of pity…”

Zeke laughed, “It is not you, I pity. It is him. Eren. He is a fucking idiot. I cannot blame him though. I understand it. My father kept my mom and I a secret, that was bad. What he did to Eren, that was worse.” He took a drag of his cigarette. “Not my place to tell you or I would.”

What could she even say to that?

Eren didn’t want to tell her, he didn’t want to let her in.

Instead he had left her...twice. She didn’t know what she would do if he left a third time.

“Didn’t your dad die of lung cancer?” She asked.

She knew he had.

She had been at his funeral, holding Eren’s hand as Grisha was buried in the ground.

Zeke couldn’t help but laugh, “yeah, he did. Fucker deserved worse.” He stomped on the cigarette before turning to go inside. “Do not stay out here too long. Do not want you getting sick. I should find out where Eren wandered off to.”

She began to remove his jacket.

Zeke held up a hand. “Keep it. It’s Eren’s anyway.”

The door swung open to reveal four very angry women and a very angry Armin.

“I’ll take out his knee caps. Annie, you tackle him and take him down,” Ymir called out.

“I feel awful. I really had no idea Niccolo was in a band with Eren…” Sasha sobbed.

Everyone froze when they saw Zeke and Mikasa.

“Hello,” Zeke said with the tiniest of waves.

“Zeke?” Armin questioned.

“Hello, Armin. Mikasa probably needs you all right now. I have to find out where my brother wandered off to this time.”

“Well then you can take Annie and me right to him. Today is the day he loses those kneecaps!” Ymir cracked her knuckles.

Zeke just laughed, “Eren deserves it, there is no doubt, but as his brother, I must protect him. He only began to walk again..”

Everyone’s eyes began to widen as Zeke realized what he had said.

“Fuck! I shouldn’t have said that," Zeke remarked.

Mikasa felt as if she was lost at sea, she was drowning.

Her eyes began to fill with tears.

Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest.

Eren hadn’t been able to walk?

What was wrong with him?

She couldn’t breathe.

“Zeke, what is wrong with Eren?” Armin spoke up.

“Mentally or physically?”

“Both,” Historia whispered.

Zeke ran his hand through his hair before he lit up another cigarette. “He is going to kill me for even saying that much...I suppose there is no problem with telling you what is already common knowledge.”

“We already know he’s bipolar. I found the band’s website on Instagram,” Annie said as she walked towards Mikasa. She took her hand, slowly pulling her in front of the girls. Sasha took Mikasa's other hand and rested her head on Mikasa’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Mika,” Sasha whispered.

“It’s okay,” Mikasa replied.

They all turned their attention back to Zeke who seemed to be observing them all with great c uriosity.

“Then you already saw that his liver went bad too. I cannot tell you much else. There are other things wrong with Eren but like your loyalty to Mikasa, my loyalty is to my brother. He may be an asshole but he is my family. My only family. I do not ask you to understand or even forgive him. I think he is acting like an idiot,” Zeke paused to take a drag of his cigarette. “ While he is my only family, I was not his. I do not agree with him leaving his other family because things got hard. He is acting like our father by doing that.”

“Is he going to die?” Mikasa’s voice cracked.

“We’re all going to die but no. Not anytime soon. The treatment of his liver was successful. I should really go find him and you all should get out of the cold. Goodnight, ladies and Armin.”

And with that, Zeke Jaeger disappeared into the night to find his brother.

No one moved to go inside. They all looked to Mikasa for what they should do next.

“I’m tired,” she whispered.

“Let’s go back to the hotel then. Limo is out front already. I thought we’d need a getaway car,” Historia laughed.

Mikasa’s eyes were still filled with tears, her heart was still racing, and it was hard to breathe.

But she wasn’t drowning or lost at sea anymore.

No, she was safe.

She couldn’t help but feel bad for Eren.

She had once been his anchor but now, he had no one. So she began to cry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zeke didn’t have to go very far to find Eren. He was sitting in the passenger seat of the van they had rented to move the equipment. Zeke walked around the driver’s side and opened the door.

“You want to tell me what that was about?” Zeke asked as he climbed into the car.

Eren said nothing.

“Should I schedule you for a session?” Zeke asked.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

No, Eren wasn’t sure.

He felt more broken than he had when the night had started.

He hadn’t expected to see her here. The last he had heard, she had moved away to pursue her dreams with her new band.

Eren was not ready for this. He had thought he had been when he had sent her the letter.

But how wrong he had been.

“Am I sure I’ll be fine? No. I just want to go home and go to sleep. Is that okay?” Eren answered as he clicked his seatbelt into place.

--------------------------------------------------------

Why had they all slept on the floor of their suite when there three bedrooms each with two beds attached?

Well it was simple.

No one wanted to leave Mikasa alone. Mikasa was very grateful for her friends.

After stopping for breakfast, they all went back to the Ackerman house.

“I’m sorry, Mikasa,” Sasha apologized again.

“Sasha, really. It’s not your fault. Go be with your family. Isn’t Connie coming over so you, Jean, and him can watch movies? I promise. I’m not mad.” Mikasa hugged her friend tightly so she knew they were okay.

Annie and Armin were awkwardly standing by Annie’s car while Ymir and Historia were standing by the limo.

“You guys can go too. I’m fine. Levi is here. Hange is here. Besides, there’s something I have to do today.”

Armin gave her a look.

He knew exactly where she was going.

She nodded.

Ymir, Historia, and Annie look at each other.

“Text us if you need us,” Armin said before he got into Annie’s car.

The other three followed his lead.

As she opened the front door, two furry creatures moved in for the attack. They began to bark and run around her legs.

“Ahh!” She screamed as she shut the door behind her and dropped her bag.

“Sawney! Bean!” Hange yelled as the dogs continued to run laps around Mikasa’s legs.

“Puppies?” Mikasa was very confused at the moment.

“Levi’s. Late Christmas gift. His therapist said that a pet would be good for him. I found these guys. They’re corgis! Look at their little legs!”

The two potato size golden furred creatures jumped up trying to get Mikasa’s attention.

“They’re extremely smart! They can herd cattle with those tiny legs!” Hange picked up one of the puppies and handed it to Mikasa. The puppy began licking her face.

“Tiny legs...sounds like someone else I know…” She muttered as she petted the corgi.

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Those jokes never get old, brat,” Levi remarked as he walked into the room holding two flower bouquets. “Sure you don’t want me to come?”

Mikasa sat the puppy down on the floor and took the flowers from Levi.

“No, I’ll be fine. Keys?”

Levi handed her the keys.

“I’ll be back soon.”

-------------------------------

The graveyard was always empty on New Year’s Day which was why Mikasa always made a stop here. She strolled through the headstones before coming to a stop. She gently placed one the flower bouquets on the grave.

“Hey, Mom. Hi, Dad.” She sat down in front of the grave. “I wrote 40 songs since I saw you last. Historia and I are really making good music together. I wish I had her voice though. She can hit those high notes and my voice just can’t. Levi said you were the same way, Mom. Your voice was lower when you sang. He said when you’d come over, you'd go play the piano and just sing. Even though it was Dad’s family…..it didn’t matter. You just came in and made it yours too….” She could feel the tears rolling down her face.

“He let the piano get out of tune. Hange bought him two puppies. They’re corgis. He thinks I don’t know how hard he’s struggling. He wants me to live my own life but some days, I just wish he’d admit it. He’s too proud.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Ymir and Historia are having problems. I hope they figure it out. I know they're meant to be together. Armin and I made up. I missed him. He wasn’t really to blame anyway. Eren’s bad off...I saw him. He’s not...I don’t know. I don't know what is going on and I don’t know why I care. He’s still got your ring, Dad. He sent me the box back so I don’t know what’s in it. I’m afraid to open it. I….I just don’t know and I really need you, Mom. I need you to be here and be a mom. I can’t talk to Levi about this. I can’t talk to my friends because they hate Eren and I hate him too...at least that is what I tell myself.”

She began to cry harder, “I miss him. I really do but...what do I do?”

She fell silent as she allowed herself to cry. The ache in her chest from losing her parents was indescribable. She could have used a mother right now.

After she stopped crying, she stood up. “One more person to visit today. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

Mikasa began her walk to the other side of the cemetery.

As she grew closer to the grave, she heard the soft music of an acoustic guitar playing.

Her heart leapt up into her throat.

It couldn’t be.

Fate could not be that cruel.

But it was.

She saw Carla’s grave and Eren sitting in front of it. His hair was pulled up into a bun. He didn’t look up or acknowledge her at all. She placed the flowers on Carla’s headstone before sitting down next to Eren.

The music was soothing.

She closed her eyes and just listened to him play. She hadn’t heard him play since his dad had died until last night. She remembered the hours he had put into learning the guitar, even more than she had put into learning piano. One day, he had played until his fingers bled, Carla had taken his guitar away. Carla had told Eren that he needed to learn balance. He couldn’t push himself that hard.

A lesson that Mikasa knew Eren still hadn’t learned yet.

She couldn’t help but smile at the memory.

As she continued to listen to each cord, she realized this was an entirely new song that she had never heard before. Had Eren written this on his own or was this something he had created with his band?

Every note began to swim around in her head. She could create lyrics from these notes. Lyrics about what? She remembered where she was but it was almost as if she could hear her parents and Carla speaking to her through the music.

“[lyrics redacted due to copyright],” She sang quietly causing Eren to stop playing for a moment. She didn’t open her eyes, she didn’t want to ruin this moment.

“[lyrics redacted due to copyright],” she sang again.

Eren resumed his playing.

It felt so comforting.

It was as if everything else melted away.

She opened her eyes, daring to look at Eren.

He held her gaze from a moment which allowed her to really see him.

There were dark circles underneath his eyes. It was clear he hadn’t had any sleep. He looked away from her.

She couldn’t help but become self conscious.

Should she leave? Had she intruded on a moment between mother and son?

“[lyrics redacted due to copyright],” Eren sang, making Mikasa realize truly how much she had missed his voice.

Sure, she had heard it the night before but this was different.

This felt private like it was  something only to be shared between them.

They had written songs together before, yes.

Nothing like this though.

Nothing so deeply personal.

When Eren stopped playing, Mikasa was pulled from her thoughts.

“See you later, Mom,” he said as he stood up and readjusted his guitar.

He looked down at Mikasa before offering her his hand.

She took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

They began to walk together out to the parking lot.

Mikasa didn’t see Eren’s car in the parking lot.

“Zeke will be back in a couple hours,” Eren muttered as he looked down at the ground.

“I can take you home...to your home.” She looked up at him. He was staring at her. “Carla would kill both of us if I left you here in the cold for hours.”

“I’ve been through worse,” he muttered before he nodded.

The awkwardness between them was almost too much for Mikasa to handle.

She should have left him in the cold.

She should have never offered to take him home but she couldn’t leave him.

Even after all the horrible things he had said to her, done to her, she couldn’t just leave him here alone in a cemetery parking lot.

She unlocked Levi’s car and climbed in.

Eren hesitated for a moment before he got inside.

“I’m at the old house,” he told her before buckling his seatbelt.

Mikasa reversed the car and backed out of the space.

[elle-smells]

My mom watches SKAM 💫😌

Season 3 Episode 8 (well, shit)

- "Is he gone?? AGAIN???"

- "hahaha Eskild and Noora are two seconds away from flirting with him"

- "he cooks? Isak, keep him"

- "in all seriousness, I don't get Even. What is he playing at?"

- "yeah yeah but you left last time so his uncertainty is justified"

- "Good Isak, stand your ground"

- "huh? What? He's barely making sense"

- "Idk....I don't think the Sonja thing is true...I don't trust him"

- "Is he gay in real life? He's not?? Wow he's a good actor"

- "man of his dreams? Ok yeah that's cute"

- "I'm glad he's happy but umm.... I still don't trust Even"

- "aww he just wants kisses"

- "His dad doesn't care for him does he?

- " *gasp* he's telling his dad??? Holy shit he told him"

- "...crap....hmm ok but I still don't know what's wrong with his mom..."

- "oh...Sana knows, she wouldn't be telling him that if she didn't"

- "Sana's very smart, she doesn't let herself fall into a prejudiced mindset. Completely agree with everything she said" (my mom's religious so she really relates to Sana in that sense)

(when I tell you I cried for the first time ever watched the Sana and Isak scene bcs my mom was next to me-)

- "Magnus hahaha.....ok just expose your friend like that"

- "Sonja?....oh"

- "I'm getting a bad feeling. Something doesn't feel right"

- "Does she want to tell him that Even just plays with people???"

- "oh he's telling his mom...hope that goes well"

- "a suite? Where do you get the money for that?"

- "Is he joking or just flirting with her...?" (Wow she really can't trust him at all)

Hotel scene...

- "I'm too attached to Isak to watch him have sex...." (Translation: he's her son now)

- "umm...."

- "Isak's uncomfortable. I can tell he's uncomfortable"

- "Is he okay?"

- *notices me about to cry* "what's wrong with you? What's going on?"

- "Is he going to jump out the window?"

- "oh god pls don't tell me he...dies...he doesn't right"

- "he went out naked...."

- "Manic? What's that? What does that mean?"

- "what....? What does that mean..?

Highlight (not so much of a highlight tbh)

So I explained to the best of my ability what Bipolar is and how it's affects people and how you can see it in Even. She sort of understood but not exactly. I mean, even after understanding what Bipolar meant, and the Sonja thing and why Even saw her as controlling, she kinda kept the "oh so he's like crazy....he loves Isak but he's a little crazy" mentality. It's late and I didn't really want to fight her on that so.... I'm very excited for the next 2 episodes hopefully helping her change that.

[lost-in-time-marie]

Into the Shadows: Prologue

“Natasha! What are you doing? Long Island is dangerous at night. Hell! It’s dangerous during the day. We shouldn’t be out here!” I yelled after her. I wish I could say I was alarmed, or even modestly surprised when I awoke from a dead sleep at three in the morning, the morning of the day before school started, to a persistent rapping at my second story window. However, having been friends with Natasha since second grade, and waking up in this manner a fair few more times than I cared to remember, I realized I only had myself to blame as I trudged down the empty streets of our neighborhood in nothing but my old sweats and holey NYPD pajama shirt.

“It’s time for adventure. We’re starting our senior year in just days; we haven’t done anything fun all summer!” Natasha shouted, dancing across the empty street lined with dark houses. Under the pale-yellow glow of a streetlamp, I could just make out her thick, curly brown hair trailing to her shoulders, the excitement lighting her dark brown eyes, and the splash of freckles adorning her face.

“Keep your voice down, it’s three in the morning,” I hissed, “This isn’t fun, Natasha, this is stupid and dangerous. We need to go home!” I sighed and tucked my wavy, light brown hair behind my ears to no avail, half a night’s sleep left it unrecognizably tangled. She laughed and I rolled my hazel eyes. Natasha was in one of her reckless, danger seeking moods brought about by her bipolar disorder. I knew this mood well; it cycled through repeatedly in the many years I’d known her. Sometimes it was “Come watch me get a tattoo, Kristin,” or “You have to go with me to get a bellybutton piercing, Kristin,” or whatever other new edgy trend she’d looked up online and wanted. If Natasha wanted danger and adventure, I was merely a doll at her disposal, dragged along for the ride. Natasha insisted I needed to “get out of my shell” and “break the rules a little more”, actually that was being generous, her exact words were “It’s honestly unhealthy how much you follow the rules, Kristin, it seriously makes me worry about you! What if you live your whole teenage years never even making your mother cry once!?!”

“I won’t have any part of this, I’m going home,” I yelled. I don’t think she even heard me, or just didn’t care, because she didn’t look back, just continued running and dancing down the street looking for trouble. I know I sound like a horrible person, what with leaving my friend alone in the streets in the middle of the night, but truly no one could stop Natasha once she was set on something. It was safer for the whole world to let her have her way than try to stand it. She would tire out on her own, and not a moment before she was ready, I had learned that much. I worried about her being on her own out here, but enough time had taught me I would find her passed out and snoring in her bed until at least 5pm tomorrow. I tried not to enable her as best I could when she was in this mood, if I were lucky it’d phase out a little quicker. Unfortunately for me, I was rarely lucky.

“Stupid, crazy best friend dragging me out in the middle of the night in my PJs for this stupid, dangerous quest for trouble,” I muttered, stalking down the street back to my house. Why I did not just stay home when she tried busting down my window in the middle of the night like this was beyond me. It always ended like this, Natasha pushing my limits until I was forced to turn back, and worry after her retreating form, going to a place I would not dare touch. But every time my anxiety stirred me up enough to at least get me out of the bed and try to encourage her home, and every time I returned home alone.

Even in my reverie, I heard the footsteps before I saw the man trailing me. I had been too busy ranting to keep a wary eye. I am such an idiot. I kept my eyes trained forward and walked quickly, with a purpose, the way my mom always unnecessarily warned me to. Or, at least, it had always been unnecessary, until now. The footsteps grew louder, and I thought I heard snickering. I quickened my pace. I prayed it was just Natasha playing a trick on me. I knew that wasn’t true, I just knew, this felt more ominous.

Suddenly, a figure stepped out of the shadows in front of me. I jumped, startled, and stopped walking. The burly figure moved toward me, surprisingly soundless despite his broad shouldered form and thick arms. There were no streetlamps on this particular stretch of road, a fact I found a little too convenient. I turned my head a fraction of an inch to look behind me, not wanting to peel my eyes from the large form before me; the footsteps I had been hearing came from a more lanky man loping toward us. My heart hammered and my knees chose this moment to turn into jelly. I realized quickly the lanky man had been herding me, not following me.

I took three deep breaths, slowing my heart by just a fraction. I stood straight and tall, bracing myself.

“Can I help you?” I asked in a voice much braver than I felt.

“As a matter of fact, you can,” The man in front of me answered, his perfect white teeth gleamed in the darkness. His huge, broad shouldered silhouette approached closer and closer, the stench of alcohol and the bitter air of cigarettes wafted around him like a cloud, burning my nose. Daring another glance backwards, the taller, thinner silhouette was approaching at the same rate, almost lazily, like he was savoring all the anticipation of the stall. In the small bit of moonlight, I could make out an eerie grin spreading across his face. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight up, the feeling of dread roiling through me like a storm. I quickly ran through my knowledge of how to incapacitate a man; break the nose, knee to the groin, finger in the eyes. My muscles tensed, ready to perform the actions I silently rehearsed in my head.

Just then, something launched itself off the roof of a nearby house at the figure in front of me. I watched, frozen in place, as they grappled with each other. The man behind me rushed forward to help his partner, but the fight was over before he even reached them. The lithe figure that jumped off the house threw several punches and swept the man’s feet out from underneath him in one fluid motion. The man did not get up again, a crumpled heap on the floor. The man behind me charged at the shadowy figure. The figure made easy work of the man; a couple of hits and the man lay beside his partner unconscious. It was like time went from slow motion to fast forward in one abrupt motion, and I was scrambling behind to catch up. The figure turned to approach me, but I couldn’t take any more stress. The ground rushed toward my face and everything went black...

[xonxsm]

pastel || bnha x male!reader

---》 two 《---

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

class went on normally, with a few glances occasionally being thrown at the [h/c]-male, to which he never noticed- he was too busy daydreaming about kermit and pepe the frogs' forbidden love.

'mi amor,' [m/n] thought to himself with a weird voice, looking at the "man" he formed with his fingers, imagining it as kermit. setting his head on the desk he made kermit kneel in front of pepe, with kermit holding out imaginary flowers.

'i cannot hold this inside me anymore... my beautiful boyfriend, dear pepe, my love, will you marry and run away with me?'  pepe let out dramatic tears and nods aggressively, [m/n] about to make both hands 'kiss' before aizawa brought him to his attention.

"we will be choosing a class rep today."

almost everyone started talking at once, mostly about how much they wanted to be class rep and why them people should choose them; until iida shushed everyone by saying they should choose by voting. [m/n] looked lost.

bruh. i just started, like, two hours ago. i don't even know anything about them- wtf lol-

sighing, he doodled the poop emoji with hearts and flies surrounding it before folding it up and submitting his 'vote'.

midoriya and momo ended being chosen as class president and vice president respectively, while iida sulked in a corner. bakugo- an ash-blonde boy started shouting about the people that voted for broccoli while explosions went on around him.

:o boomboom be handsome tho, me hearteu umu

the bell rang right after that. [m/n] stretched, excited for food, but quickly slouched as he realised he had no idea where the canteen was. he decided to just follow the others, and grinned when he arrived, quickly running to the line to get food.

<<>><<>><<>>

PROBLEM, TwT.

holding his tray he walked around, hoping to spot an empty table. there were many empty seats, but [m/n] being the little antisocial bean he is he refused to walk up and ask if he could sit. he was about to leave the lunch room and go eat in the bathroom AlOnE before he spotted a pink-haired and skinned girl frantically waving him over to sit at her table.

grinning he strutted over with his tray, his tail flicking slightly as he sat down beside an electric blonde. "heyyyy-"

"hey! i'm mina. this is kaminari, bakugo, kirishima annnd sero." mina gave him a big smile while he munched on his sushi rolls.

"yoe." [m/n] mumbled with his mouth full of rice, waving. quickly finishing his rice balls he was about to reach for his banana milk when suddenly loud alarms started blaring. [m/n] let out a soft whimper as he massaged his ringing ears. confused voices and shuffling of students filled the lunch room.

"warning: there has been a level 3 security breach. this is not a drill." an upperclassmen stood up, screeching about how this hasn't happened in three years and everyone ran out of the lunch room, [m/n] somehow getting caught up in the crowd. he could feel tears building up, slowly getting harder and harder to breathe. just as he was about to collapse on the floor- a hand grabbed him and roughly pulled [m/n] to the side, slamming him against the wall.

waht. oh shiddy tiddies I'm being pinned against de wall. a flustered [m/n] looked up into curious red eyes. "uh- thankz."

kirishima only grinned, showing off his sharp teeth. [m/n] shyly fiddled with his tie, looking behind kirishima when he heard a familiar voice shout. he looked over to the floating dude shouting about the breach caused by the 'press'. everything was sorted out, everyone stopped running and went back to what they were doing before. [m/n] yeeted himself outta the corner, quickly walking back to the cafeteria with a still grinning kirishima in tow.

walking back to the table where he was sitting before the breach he dramatically dropped to his knees to where his fallen tray was, his food splattered on the ground. "Noooo... me love, me zalmon roll, me banana milk." clutching his chest with a sad look he picked up the fallen tray and food before casually dumping it in the trash can, a happy look immediately on his face as he let out a smol burp, setting his phat ass on his seat.

kirishima only stared at him like he was the most unmanly thing in the whole universe. BiPoLaR MuCh Ay-

"E." [m/n] stated as he stared at the approaching group he sat with before, munching on a bag of chips he pulled out of n o w h e r e.

realising he was probably blocking the standing group from getting into their seats he stood up in shy, his ears lowering as he stepped aside for them to pass and sit down. mina, sitting in the middle immediately pulled him down next to her, giving him a smol noogie before successfully stealing [m/n]'s last chip.

"beach." [m/n] sulked, throwing the empty potato chip bag in her face, to which she somehow dodged and it smacked bakugo square in the face.

"HEY YOU LITTLE-" [m/n] shrieked, quickly retrieving the empty bag, placing it on the side as he shifted away a little. bakugo only huffed and continued eating his food, while [m/n] sipped on a banana milk that magically appeared.

uncomfortable silence filled the table as [m/n] shifted awkwardly in his seat, feeling like he was the cause. he was about to get up, using "i wantz some more banana milk" as an excuse before mina pushed him back down.

"hey, are your ears and tail part of your quirk? ooo wait CAN I TOUCH THEM? THEY FLUFFY 🥺"

a certain green-haired boy across from them listened in, hearing the word 'quirk'.

"yez! me tail and earz are part of my quirk. i can alzo zhift into a wolf, and like, run really fast. and zure you can touch me earz," [m/n] replied, lifting his ears a little as mina pet his ears like how you would pet a dog- as he let out really soft purrs from his throat.

and scribbling intensifies for midoriya.

"you talk weird," kaminari blurted out, his ears immediately turning a little red. "not that its bad or anything-"

"yeh, itz juzt me long azz tongue, it makez it kinda hard to form wordz- zadly i can't control itz length."

but, i have good tongue technology. [m/n] let out a soft giggle before cringing at his own voice, pouting slightly as he felt mina stop petting his ears. IMMEDIATELY turning red when he felt something poking his tail.

"ZLKDFJNKZ WOMAN!" he quickly jumped up, shifting his tail to cover his growing um... area before shooting mina a glare. "DON'T TOUCH ME TAIL!"

then he dashi ran outta the lunch room to the bathroom, feeling his whole body turn hot as the others stared at his disappearing figure confused.

<<>><<>><<>>

[m/n] boredly stared on as midoriya decided to give iida his position of class rep. not even bothering to continue his story of pepe and kermit, he laid his head down on his desk again, yawning a little.

"psst!"

sero and kaminari poked his ears as he looked over. "dude, you ok? you just zoomed outta there."

[m/n] coughed, slightly embarrassed as he moved his tail closer. "yeah, totally finez."

totally did not get a boner because someone touched my tail. ahem. he was grateful for the fur on his ears, feeling them heat up as he buried his head between his arms.

[m/n] was still groaning internally as the others cheered for the new class president, the one and only iida tenya.

<<>><<>><<>>

"for today's hero training we will be having three different instructors; with them being me, all might and another person you will meet later." aizawa droned on about the training, holding out a card with the word 'rescue' with all caps written on it. he pointed to a rack full of suitcases where the costumes were put. [m/n] rushed over after aizawa told them to get ready- he was quite excited to put on his costume which was shipped to japan after it was completed in [your country]. grabbing a suitcase with his name he skipped to the changing rooms, humming.

[m/n]'s suit was rather child-like, but also kinda revealing. short-sleeved [h/c] shirt with a long v-neck that was tucked into a pair of black pants that folded in mid thigh- and of course a hole in the back so he could comfortably tuck his tail out. then some bandages that acted as gloves and socks, and black boots. to top it all off a [f/c] cloak that reached his knees.

he checked in the suitcase, hoping to find a collar but was disappointed to find nothing.

well i didn't order for one to be made, i guess-

he stuffed the suitcase and collar into his locker and quickly ran out to where the bus was, lining up as iida told.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

word count: 1536 words

ahem.. no, [m/n] isn't in heat.

from what i read from other uh more mature fanfics hybrids have sensitive ears and t a i l s. so yeah [m/n] isn't in heat. it's gonna be weird if he is already in heat after he joins yuuei for like five hours.

the pepe and kermit part gave me inspiration, so I'm going to be writing a whole book dedicated to their forbidden love.

. . .

just kidding lol no-

unless~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[annehall24]

Like the Heart Goes [Part 1]

Chuck Shurley x Reader

Summary: In a fit of rage, Sam picks up the gun to kill God. When he accidentally shoots you instead, Chuck decides that he has had enough.

Warning: Lots of Language, Season 14 /15 spoilers, Angry Chuck, Violence, injuries

Word Count: 2500

A/N: Okay, so I know I said that it would be called “This Is Not the End”, but I changed my mind. All GIfs/Pics come from Google Images and are not mine.

You should have seen it coming. He would be calm and happy one second and scary and intimidating less than a millisecond later. There was that, and the whole "soul" thing. He had created billions of souls, yet he claimed that he couldn't fix Jack's. Then, there was the gun. The equalizer, as he called it. He created it to be used on his own grandson, just for entertainment. You thought, either he changed dramatically since you last saw him, or he was always like this and you were a fool. Either way, you sure did feel like one.

"Hey, Chuck!" Sam yells. You turn towards Sam and see him holding the equalizer, as Chuck called it. Whatever happens to the target happens to the person who shot the gun.

It took a second to realize that if Sam killed Chuck then not only would Sam die too, but the universe would as well. It was all about balance, as Chuck once told you. Even if you now know that Chuck never cared about you, you still couldn't let him die.

"Sam, wait!" You yelled. As Chuck turned around to face sam, You took two small steps before you felt something ripping through your right shoulder. It felt as though you had been shoved backwards and next thing you knew, you were on the ground with a small hole in your right shoulder.

"Y/N!" Dean yelled. You put your hard over the wound as you looked at Sam, who also had been affected by the shot.

Chuck looked at you with worried eyes before setting a straight face again. He was angry and you could feel it seeping out of him like radiation. It was suffocating you. You were the one who had been shot, not him. What would he be angry for?

"Fine! That's the way you want it?" He yelled at Sam. Nothing could have prepared you for what came out of his mouth after that. "Story's over. Welcome to The End."

"Hey, you okay?" Dean asks Sam as you lean against one of the tombstones. Sam just shot you, accidentally of course, but it still hurt like hell.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." Sam says. "Y/N, are you okay?" you nod your head in response.

"I'm fine." You respond as Dean helps you up. "What the hell just happened." It was day, now it is night. What the hell is the point of changing the damn time?

"The hell if I know," Dean says. Sam struggles to his feet as you notice Cas. He's sitting next to Jack's corpse, and you can't help but feel sorry for him. He was closer to Jack than the rest of you. Even though you help Cas when it came to hiding Kelly from everyone, including the Winchester, Jack chose Cas as his father.

Sam looked at Jack, whose eyes had been burnt out by Chuck, before saying, "Wait. I thought Chuck said that the gun was the only thing that could..." He was referring to when Chuck said that the gun was the only thing that could kill Jack. That obviously wasn't the case, since he killed Jack no problem.

"He's a writer," Cas managed to say. "Writers lie." Not long after those words left Cas's mouth, you heard a popping sound. Looking around to see if anyone else heard it, you figured out that you weren't alone. It happened several more times, and that was when you noticed the things popping out from the ground. Is this what Chuck meant when he said, "Welcome to the End?"

"What the hell is happening?!" Dean said. He looked at you, so you shrugged your shoulders. You had no idea what was happening.

"Cas?" You asked. You figured that out of everyone, that he'd have a better idea. Honestly, you were mostly wanting Chuck to show up again so that you could beat the living crap out of him.

"Souls." He said. "They're souls from - from Hell."

"Shit." You say. Several more souls shot up from the ground, then something else happened. Lighting struck some, more like several, of the graves. The dead began rising, and you could tell you were all screwed. It actually wasn't that hard to figure out.

The zombies, for lack of a better word, began approaching you guys. You notice Cas taking out his angel blade. You suddenly wished that you had your sword, but today had been a really stressful day. Before you could realize that Dean had walked away in the first place, he was handing you a rusty iron rod that was probably from one of the fences. He handed one to you, then Sam, and he had one for himself as well.

The zombies get closer until they finally decide to attack. You swat the rod at one of the zombies. The almost fell over, so you took the chance to stab them with the rod, which actually did make them fall. You fought two more zombies before, hearing Cas call out all of your names. He picked up Jack's body and began running away from where you all were standing. You took that as your cue to follow.

Sam seemed to notice something, although it was probably because he was a giant and taller than you. He yelled, "Dean, this way!" Suddenly, you felt something grab onto your ankle. You looked down and then you felt it snap.

Dean heard you cry out in pain and smashed his foot onto the zombie's head. He picked you up bridal-style and began running behind Sam and Cas. You guys were pretty surrounded. You looked at Sam, and if it were just a normal day, you would have laughed at how Sam shoved one of the zombies over, causing it to fall and lay there.  You guys ran inside of a mausoleum. Dean gently set you down while Sam barricaded the door.

"Y/N, are you okay?" Dean asked. You nodded your head before he checked your ankle. You winced as soon as his fingers brushed it. He gave you an apologetic look, before refocusing his attention on your ankle. He examined it with a frown before sighing.

"It's broken." He says as he pats your shoulder.

"Figures." you scoff. This was the worst time to break your ankle. You felt helpless.

"Here." he finds some pieces of clothing in one of the corners. he grabs one of them and tries tears it to shreds. Once he finally succeeds, he wraps it around your ankle. He holds out his hand for you to grab. You take it because you needed something to hold on to. He was being as gentle as he could, but it still hurt. You were sure that you were hurting his hand by how hard you were squeezing it. If it did hurt him, he kept it to himself.

He stands back up and examines the room you guys are in. Then he looks down at Jack. "He didn't deserve this," he said. You completely agreed.

"Cas, is he here? C-C-Can you... Can you...?" Sam asked.

"I don't think so," Cas said. He looked downright miserable and he had every right to be.

"So, what? Chuck throws friggin' zombies at us now?!" Said dean angrily. He looked pissed, and although he usually never gets angry at you, you felt it. You were about to say something but Sam spoke up before you did,

"I don't know if they're zombies, Dean," he said, "I think... I think whenever the souls came up from Hell that they... they just..." You understood where he was coming from. You were about to respond, but Dean beat you to it.

"They what? Just jumped into the nearest body?" He said. You figured that if you wanted to speak, you had to do it fast.

"It makes sense," you said. "They're souls from hell. Those bodies probably aren't theirs." Dean nodded his head in understanding while Sam looked at you and your ankle with a worried expression. Today just wasn't your day.

First, your first love showed up out of nowhere. He had the nerves to bring back old memories of the two of you. Then, he betrayed you. Then, he killed someone you cared deeply about. One of your best friends accidentally shot you. Afterwards, he set a bunch of zombies on you and you broke your ankle. Well, technically the "zombie-like" creature did, but that's beside the point.

"Is that door really going to hold?" You ask. The way the barricaded it didn't look very stable. It looked like one push would cause the torch to fall and allow the ghosts to come barging in here.

"The doors are banded iron, so... I hope." Sam says. Dean paces around the room. You wanted to yell at him to knock it off and stay still, but then you wondered if it was calming him down.

"Chuck... He said, 'Welcome to the End.' What... What does that mean?"

"Maybe it means 'Welcome to the end'?" Dean gave you a Sam level bitch face before he continued pacing.

"Cas? Come on, man! Ideas! Can you smite our way out of here?" He asked.

"No. You saw them. I would be overwhelmed, Dean. I... I don't know. They... They're ghosts, technically. Maybe... Maybe we can burn their bones?" Cas suggested. You thought about it, but then you realized the flaw in that plan.

"Burn their bones? Cas, their bodies could be anywhere." Sam said. They needed to give Cas a break. He's hurting, Dean's hurting, Sam's hurting. Everybody's hurting.

"Great. So we go outside, we get ripped apart. We stay in here, w-what, starve to death?!" He says standing next to where your sitting.

"Well, I wouldn't starve." Way to go, Cas, for stating the obvious.

"Well, good for you. Good. Son of a bitch. Chuck. Man, I knew it." He said. You slightly winced as soon as Chuck's name was said, but luckily nobody noticed... except Sam. "I knew he would do something like this. He's always so squirrelly, you know, with the... with the... the robe and the beard and... the smile that's, like, half-nice, half I'm gonna rip your throat out. 'Oh, let me play you a song.' Ugh!" What Dean said was true. In the past, Chuck didn't seem as bipolar as he did today. It actually made you feel pretty uncomfortable when he yelled at Dean, then he smiled and snapped you guys back to the bunker. Your ankle began to feel uncomfortable.

"Damnit. I think my ankle is swelling," you say capturing Dean’s attention. He kneeled next to you so that he could help.

"Here, let me look at it,” He said as he tried to get a good look at your ankle.

"It's fine. I can- What the hell!" You yelled. You were no longer in the mausoleum with Sam, Dean, and Cas. You looked around the familiar room, and quickly recognized where you were. This was Chuck's living room, or at least it used to be before he disappeared in 2010. You knew this place all too well. You lived here with Chuck, as his assistant, before you knew monsters were real, before you knew Sam and Dean were real, and before Chuck told you his feelings for you were real. What a load of crap that was.

"Hey, Y/N," Chuck said. You finally notice him standing in front of you. "How are things?" You could feel your face becoming redder than the time Dean accidentally spilt beer all over you in public.

"You know damn well how things are." You said. You were not going to let him know how heartbroken you were. Although, him being God, he probably already knows.

"I know. When Sam shot you, I was angry too." He said casually.

"I'm not mad at Sam. I'm mad at you!" You yelled. Things with him weren't the same anymore. He left you too many times and his betrayal was too big.

"Okay, yeah. I admit that was pretty crazy."You looked at him with pure anger, before you somehow managed to get up. You struggled towards the door before Chuck worriedly asked, "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving." You say. You stop hopping toward the door and you have to hold on to something to not fall over. "I'm going back to my friends. I will crawl back to them if I have to because they actually care about me."

"You think I don't care about you?" Chuck asked with a confused frown as he makes his way towards you. You hold out your hand to tell him not to come any closer.

"I know you don't," You scoff. "If you did, you would have left us alone."

"Y/N," Chuck says seriously as he crossed his arms. It was the kind of look a parent gave their kid before they grounded them."I never toyed with your life. Do you really hate me that much?"

"Let me see," You pretend to think for a moment before speaking."You killed Jack, betrayed us all, and freed all the souls from hell. Take a guess."

"What about all the good moments we shared?"He said, ask though reminding you would convince you to stay. "Like when we went to the beach, or that Supernatural convention, or our first kiss?"

"You mean all those times you lied to my face?" You said trying to give him your best bitch face.

"Be reasonable, Y/N." He ordered. You would have slapped him if you didn't need to hold onto the wall for support. "Would I have ever given you a second glance if I didn't care about you?"

"Fuck you." You said turning towards the door. You missed the regretful look Chuck had at his words. You wouldn't have cared either way if you did see it.

"Y/N, wait." He said as he turned you around. "I'm sorry."

"You said that you've never toyed with my life, but every fucking second I've spent with you is you toying with my life." You snap.

"How?" He said. Did he not realize how messed up he's been to you?

"You made me fall in love you, only for you to go running to Becky when things didn't look so good for you. Then you came back to me and then disappeared for six years. It took a whole year for me to move on! I thought you died! Then you come back and make me fall in love with you again and then you left me again. Now you're back again, but what you did to Jack-" You said stopping before you could say any more.

"Y/N-" He said, Although you weren't finished.

"I wish I never met you." That seemed to get his attention because his expression went blank. After a second it turned dark. You'd be lying if you said it didn't terrify you. That look would probably look terrifying on anybody, but it would be nothing close to how it looked on Chuck. Most of the time you've seen him, he looked calm and happy. Now he not only looked pissed, but deadly as well. He raised his fingers to snap, but he didn't. Instead, He just stared angrily back at you before storming out the door instead.