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zurgles · 5 months ago

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About me

Hi I’m zurgles. I’m 31, black (family from east africa, born and raised in the US, lived pretty evenly all over the place), queer (might be nonbinary or transman not sure, mostly attracted to women and queer folk), and schizoaffective bipolar type (they’re pretty sure about this but other possibilities are bipolar with schizophrenia or just schizophrenia - been on risperidone for over a year either way and have responded really well to it and have had no psychotic or mood symptoms), and diagnosed adhd combined type.

I’ve been on and off tumblr since I was around 15 or 16, so about fifteen years now. It’s been around eight years (?) since I’ve been on tumblr.

I like comedy (especially stand up comedy), anime, discworld, youtubers (like the try guys, thomas sanders, rhett and link, calebcity, victor pope jr vines), food, and drawing though I haven’t drawn much since my last experience with psychosis. Hoping to draw more and post here :)

I live with my mom and work as a cashier at a grocery store. Thinking about going back to college for something like nursing but kind of nervous. Used to be a computer science major before my last experience with psychosis. Not sure if I want to pursue CS anymore because of my history with carpal tunnel and tendonitis, even though I enjoyed it.

I try to find the humor in things and even though psychosis was traumatizing and I live in fear of it happening again (even though I have no reason to believe my meds will stop working), I still find the shit I went through and the stuff I believed and experienced pretty funny so I may post stories or badly drawn comics here.

I also have a tarot deck collection that I cherish even though I haven’t looked at them much since psychosis. I tried while I was in the tail end of it and found exercising the magical thinking interpreting part of my brain made my brain blurry and made it hard to think clearly in general so I got wary of it. I used to be pretty pagan and while I credit praying to my gods and trying to meditate while in psychosis to helping me realize what was happening and to get help, I’ve become more of an atheist after the fact. I think grounding myself in the real world just feels more comforting. I’ve flirted with atheism since I was a kid anyway. I still have an altar and some magick books but they’ve basically been gathering dust.

I might use my tarot decks as prompts to write about the card meanings in a secular way. There are a couple on my wishlist too, like the Majestic Earth tarot and the Piatnik Wien tarot.

Images from: Majestic Earth Tarot kickstarter, https://barefootfool.com/category/tarot-decks/tarot-piatnik-wien/

I think I have around 30 decks if you include oracle and therapy decks. My prized one is the Tyldwick Tarot, first edition.

Image from https://m.pmtarot.com/showproduct.php?p=04559&lang=eng&/Tarot-Deck/Limited-&-Indie/The-Tyldwick-Tarot-Limited-First-Edition

One of my first decks is the Shadowscapes tarot and it’s my favorite one to read with. A deck that I gave away and want to get again is the Shrine of the Black Medusa tarot.

Image from: https://littleredtarot.com/product/shrine-black-medusa-tarot/

I’ve been into tarot on and off technically since I was around 11, but more practically since I was 21, so ten years on and off. I’m shit at reading though. I’m not very intuitive but writing a reading out tends to help.

I got the Thoth tarot kind of late in the game and fell in love with the minors and realized I should’ve just gotten it from the jump because I’m more left brained anyway and like complex things but it’s okay. My training is more RWS based as a result. It was frustrating learning RWS in hindsight since I kept digging for meaning that wasn’t there (or was on the surface) when I was supposed to be telling my own story, but that’s an empowering thing about the RWS, so I’m not too disappointed.

I have the Book of Thoth and I’ve listened to about all of Fortune’s Wheelhouse several times and used Esoteric Meanings to interpret cards before but I still haven’t really made a proper study of it. To be honest it took me a few years to accept that the RWS and Thoth systems really were distinct from one another.

Here's a link to my tarot deck collection:

I’ve also been interested in hellenistic or ancient astrology but don’t know much yet. This doesn’t really fit with my atheism, but it’s something I found fun to learn about in the past before shit went down. Tbh I also find astrology restrictive in terms of feeling trapped by fate and destiny, so I prefer to think of it as a goofy hobby or a fun creative exercise or maybe a way of organizing my imagination once I get better at it, if I find it doesn’t feel limiting and it actually provides insight. Not planning on pursuing this much anytime soon, but you never know.

Here’s a link to anime I like:

I’m mostly here for memes so I’ll be reblogging a lot of those. I think that’s all for now! I pulled an all nighter. Thanks for reading. This post might be updated/edited in the future.

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