#when people on this website test the waters with me and i just go fully snuff bait | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

msgrumpygills · 3 years

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Social Media Anon Here!

Just a bit of a general update.

1. The battle for number 1 at the CW. Sorry chaps, that is won by either All American (on demographic and rewatch) or by Superman and Lois (on audience, demographic and rewatch). I'm a purist and demographic matters more but, what is clear is.... it ain't Walker. Superman and Lois have the same viewer numbers, a much better demographic and a 20.1 x rewatch compared to 6.2 x for Walker. On NO metric is Walker doing better. Moreover, Walker is on a downward trajectory and All American and Superman and Lois on an upwards one.

2. This week is a new episode for Walker, it hasn't done well in repeats so I suspect there will be a further demographic fall. Unless the new owners do have a different plan (and their support for All American goes against that), Walker isn't earning its prime Thursday night spot.

3. Jared's Instagram and Twitter figures continue to fall (he's now B+ along with Gen whilst Jensen retains his A- status). I'm afraid that I think he is buying following. You just have to scroll down for the sheer number of dummy accounts. I have found his content recently more off putting than usual. (a) The Austin Marathon was a straight sell for Mantra (b) I'm sorry but I found Odette sleeping to be intrusive. What may well have been a lovely parenting memory felt monetarised. That may be me being unfair but the children appear to be used less as they object and get older and pictures with no consent whatsoever (even a five year olds consent) are yuck to me. (c) the Towwn video was little short of bizarre. I'll come to that next.

4. The Towwn video. What on earth was that? Why, when obviously socialising at home, would you disturb your life to put together a badly edited video featuring personal friends who the viewers won't engage with and, well, shitty content? Do they have nothing better to do?

The point however is.... it DIDN'T do the trick. Jared purportedly has 6m people interested enough in him to follow him. Despite nearly two years of pushing, of there being no financial cost to them, he cannot persuade any more than 25K of his followers to follow a website he is warranting.

THAT people, shows awful conversion. It is the same with his Stands stuff. It DOESN'T sell out. That makes me wonder just how successful his expensive pee water is? If he can't convert to Towwn, where there is no cost to the fan, how much conversion does he have for Mantra Labs? Pushing Towwn and and NOT seeing the numbers go up really shows up that Jared is not converting his followers into product.

5. Finally, an SPN con for Hawaii was announced next year. Interestingly it was SPN and "actors from Jared and Jensen's other projects".

I'll do a Walker update on Friday, we'll see fast national's by then and, of course, we have a nice new Vanilla co-star announced (and no birthday wishes from either Pada's to Linzz Morgan).

There is a bit more news on the Walker prequel too, but none of it good.

Does this mean that the angry Jared stans can stop claiming he’s on a “nUmBeR #1 sHoW”?

It wouldn’t surprise me if Jared bought followers at all. Gen has, so why wouldn’t he give it a whirl? It’s kinda fun and interesting to look at the follow count for them and then compare that to the people who are actually interested enough to interact with the posts they make, whether it’s a like or a comment. The difference is pretty large.

I would LOVE to know Mantra’s sales and compare them from before Jared “co-founded” it and now. I was going to look at some reviews but I know that a lot of them will be Jared stans who claim it’s amazing just because it’s Jared.

The whole “actors from the other projects” seems like it’s a way to test the waters for a potential Walker con in the future. I know they kinda tried that with Keegan, but maybe with some more notice and more people, they can fully test the waters? Bias aside, I don’t like CE at all and hope that none of the actors from any of the other projects sign on, but we know that won’t happen. I still wish the SPN actors would find another company because CE is ass.

I thought that the lack of mentions for Lindsey’s birthday was a bit rude but not shocking. They all loved her so much when she left the show, but couldn’t afford a repost or a comment? Fake.

#grumpy answers #social media anon #anti jared padalecki #anti walker #anti genevieve

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algernoninwonderland · 4 years

Text

“Porter sur toi un nouveau regard”: basic outlines and preparatory notes

What better way to celebrate a fic being completed than me releasing some of the basic notes I took while planning it? Here they are, with a few additions.

It all started as a prompt I got on Discord, the very simple “love at first sight” and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it at first, but the idea of sight stuck with me. Are your first impressions the right ones? Can you learn to see someone a certain way or another? It’s ultimately a story about learning to see other people and yourself, isn’t it?

Which meant I had to take a certain point of view, because an omniscient floating eye is emotionally detached. Character POV may have a limited scope, but that may help empathise with them. This is a story about Kagami, so it was only fair for Kagami to be the centre of it.

Chapter 1:

“How does Kagami truly feel about Marinette before Ikari Gozen”?

While Marinette sees the two of them as rivals, that rivalry is one-sided, and Kagami wouldn’t take that girl seriously. She’s simply annoying.

Kagami is a lonely character, who genuinely wants to make friends, still, and she’s anything but cool or smooth. She doesn’t know the other characters the way the audience does, at all.

Tomoe Tsurugi sucks.

Switching from “Dupain-Cheng” to “Marinette Dupain-Cheng” to “Marinette” would be a nice way to keep the reader hooked. Lots of tiny details that’ll come back later on!

Comphet.

Lots of comphet already. What you “should” like, a calculated, conscious choice.

A few jabs at the show because why not.

Chapter 2:

Filling gaps in characterisation and timeline to make sure that everything hurts later on! Including pre-Adrigami. People thought the paperwork between Tomoe and Gabriel was a marriage contract, not quite, but an arranged relationship? Definitely from Tomoe’s side.

Are Kagami and Marinette already going on dates when they visit the city together all on their own? Isn’t that the true sapphic experience.

Also, the promise of them going to the terrace rooftop on sunny days! It’ll come back later on.

The Bike Motive. Marinette driving her forward.

“Your hair is beautiful” but make it much gayer.

I hate the André scene in the finale, it sucks and it’s awful for everyone. It should be awful for both Marinette and Kagami. Comphet. So much comphet.

Kagami’s impression of brokenness is something we’ll come back to over and over again.

Adrien doesn’t notice because he’s Adrien. The kiss. Nothing.

“K-Kagami!” End with a cliffhanger for more suffering.

As a side note, I made myself cry writing this chapter.

Chapter 3:

Everything hurts. Everything. Hurts.

Identity reveals don’t solve anything, they still fail, and Marinette still isn’t willing to show herself to Kagami, still hiding behind a facade.

Just because Marinette understands things a little better doesn’t mean it hurts any less

They are both lying to each other and themselves and they don’t even realise it.

“Fixing the brokenness” through comphet.

Nothing is solved at all.

Falling asleep on a chaise longue plus blanket

Chapter 4:

Life as a socialite in Paris, concerts and restaurants, wearing clothes she hasn’t chosen

The Adrien routine, pulling chairs and flowers

It’s all miserable still, lots of “shoulds”

Fencing competition, fencing competition ahead. Tomoe is a terrible parent and a terrible coach.

Text conversations with Marinette, overdoes joy with emojis

The Bike Motive Returns, with more feelings, Marinette’s almost desperate gestures

(Kagami as the only person she can fully confide in, but still won’t)

An early birthday present… But Kagami is born in November, Marinette is a mess and so is her room.

Hug and first hint of reciprocated Marigami? Just the happiness of having someone like Kagami who admires her work as Marinette.

Falling asleep on a chaise longue plus blanket, part deux.

KAGAMI IN A SUIT!!!

Kisses on the cheek are really common in France, not Japan. A heavy kiss.

Dress or suit?

Marinette is a mess, texts at night. Difference between Adrien and Marinette’s texts, Adrien’s more self-centred.

No sense of space in Tokyo, jet lag and closed house. Closed spaces.

Chapter 5:

I’m going to write a full chapter about sabre fencing and people will love it

Lots of sneaky (or not so sneaky) GL and Yuri manga/anime references. Make Juri Arisugawa part of the Jury.

All the locations are real

Marinette overdoes it again, Kagami can’t tell.

Kagami’s technique dissecting her opponents. She is a champion already.

Teach the readers about fencing whilst describing it. Have opponents be challenging in specific, understandable ways.

She chooses the suit. What even is subtlety.

As a side note: it was a really fun one to write.

Chapter 6:

Marinette internship phone call, Nathalie’s plan. No way Gabriel would accept to work with a kid. Flirting, Kagami as a muse?

The Foucault chapter. Everything is a prison. Restaurant, vertical stripes on wall as prison bars, the relationship, the self-locking car. This is no Utena car.

Everything is wrong, including the food

Adrigami friendship, much better than Adrigami romance. Rose/Chair. She doesn’t hate him at all, she just doesn’t love him… It wouldn’t work, she’s gay and he’s a liar.

Self-imposed gestures of affection.

Do not describe the kisses, they’re just a thing she has to do

Marinette is a mess, Ladybug is a mess, hell imagery, falling down a hole, almost dying. We are in the car with Kagami and we want to do something, anything, and we can’t.

Chapter 7:

The first step to things being alright again is to admit that they aren’t alright now

Nighttime conversation, Kagami letting Ladybug in

Marinette finally showing herself bare to Kagami but still tries not to until the dam breaks. Being a hero is miserable. Being the Guardian when you are a child with no guidance or support is miserable. Kagami as the only person she can trust.

Botched Lukanette date?

“I’m just so tired.”

“You are not a failure, you are so courageous, a genius fashion designer and my best friend”

(Additional note: I cried writing that passage)

Sharing the burden: help in more than just words.

“I hate that you have to see me like that.”

But showing your vulnerability and still being accepted as true love

Kagami truly sees Marinette now.

“Tutorship” and Tomoe being awful but excuse works. Help is material, homework, tidying up the room together.

“Stop feeling guilty about letting other people help you.”

Flirting hidden behind jokes, Kagami lying to herself. Way to ruin the mood.

Marigami baking.

Harlem 88, postal workers, acab

Watching television on the same couch, or rather watching Marinette watch television.

Umbrella scene with polka dots.

Kagami fully aware of her feeling and afraid of them, afraid that Marinette might feel the same

Chapter 8:

more fencing, Kagami absolutely rules

Worrying about Marinette alone with Gabriel, rightfully so, but can’t say that out loud

Stereotypical outdated Japanese-ness, Kagami can’t conform, doesn’t know how to put on her houmongi on her own. Tomoe and paradoxes, her daughter is both weak and “too muscular” at the same time.

The Palais Royal. The Buren columns are very climbable.

Gabriel, “quite miraculous”. Testing the waters, Kagami doesn’t notice.

Jealousy when Adrien speaks of Marinette?

Ratatouille reference! Tatou.

Tomoe playing the role of the exotic Japanese to be accepted.

Drunk parents, drunk on power and self-satisfaction.

Adrien’s kiss, forced to return it.

Fear that Adrien might become Marinette’s muse

The bike motive once more

Barkk’s power is tracking magical signatures, each is different from the other

Marinette taking control over her own life, making plans to stop Hawk Moth instead of passively waiting for each attack,

“She was never broken. She is in love with another girl.”

Marinette is in love with her too, but is ready to wait.

Chapter 9:

Adrien IS Chat Noir, up to the entitlement and his way of being physically affectionate. Stay true to canon and canon implications.

Adrigami/DJWifi double date, Alya means well but doesn’t know everything

Wordbuilding: of course the Ladyblog isn’t the only website ever, bad rival, Daily Bugle pun.

Not hating someone doesn’t mean you should be with them.

Hints of Adrigami friendship again, relief at avoiding romance.

Food at Kagami’s, cooker, formally perfect but not personal

Marinette and Barkk, closer to their goal

The Turtle Pearl bracelet: a shield, a great way to show feeling of danger, symbol of love

Kagami is the one to kiss Marinette on the cheek this time

Chapter 10:

Tomoe is a bad instructor episode 100

In which Adrien proves himself to truly be also Chat Noir, i.e. unable to understand personal barriers and entitlement. Still Kagami’s POV. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong, insistence≠playfulness. certainly won’t apologise

The bike motive again. Scenic road and conversation

Going to Orsay, definitely a date!

Chat Noir was moody during akuma crisis because of course he was.

Chapter 11:

Adrigami “break”, Adrien sucks at admitting that he’s anything but perfect and being confronted with that.

Kagami bluntness.

Adrigami isn’t about Adrigami, it’s about the Tsurugi family’s status and Tomoe terrified of consequences. Attacking the room instead of Kagami herself.

The Turtle Pearl glows when wearer feels endangered or imminent danger

The museum pictures, the two of them together

Aquarium date?

“Voice of reason” isn’t the voice of reason at all.

Barkk is in the bag, smells everything

Chapter 12:

Kagami as Tomoe’s messenger

Agreste mansion as a mausoleum, setting up the geography, security cameras, cold. Painting of Émilie, goal is near

Nathalie being extremely good at pretending she didn’t just knock that kid unconscious months ago, she’s awful and it’s great.

Marinette internship, Gabriel wears a bowtie… Resembles a butterfly.

Barkk in the bag, smells everything.

Stressful phone call, feels feverish, it’s him and that’s undeniable.

Marinette the detective.

“Thanks for being there for me”

“Thank you for trusting me so much”

Having dinner with Hawk Moth, it’s awful and stressful

No more chair/rose

Adrien is miserable but not aggressive. Building up to final fight

Chapter 13:

Meet the Dupain-Chengs, short, awkward, sweet moment

Marinette’s room, perfectly clean

From creepy stalker to detective, without downplaying the former or overplaying the latter

The two are complementary, very concrete things,

The plan: catch Hawk Moth red-handed, take it outside and expose him to the world

How the Kwami Pearls work: just like the Miraculouses themselves, feeding off the host, only more brutal. Marinette trying to reassure Kagami

Re-explain Turtle Pearl and other powers, illusion, thunder, time-rewind and portal

Gabriel owns original Degas painting since they are both assholes

Adrien/Chat still not great at all

Ice-cream but no biphobia/lesbophobia this time, just a regular shop suggested by Juleka.

The Pont des Arts, no more locks, just like in real life.

The confession, the kiss: consent and everything is right, but also desperate. Marinette really wants to do it well.

Longg is back, also, hype

Side note: I cried writing this one.

Chapters 14-15

Ryuko infiltrating the mansion, all in the details

I hate that Hawk Moth’s lair is an actual real physical space in the show, but if this needs to be material, then so be it. He was allowed to turn his house into that because he got help from the Mayor/Audrey.

Chat Noir can’t fight, near breakdown.

Nathalie knew. Remake of first fight, only Ryuko has clear upper hand.

Having missiles in your house isn’t a good idea.

The Turtle Pearl serves its purpose at last,

Gabriel mostly defeats himself on his own, hubris, the whole extent of his power dynamic with Nathalie

Going back to the Champ de Mars,

Teamwork, taking the butterfly down. Chat Noir rejects his father entirely, cataclysm-ed akuma.

The mansion again, entirely destroyed, paintings of Émilie burning. Spell book and tablet recovered.

Chapter 16:

Taking the big bad down is useless if you don’t take down the power structures that allowed him to strive in the first place. Killing Voldemort only solves that much.

Discovering it all on a phone screen, shut-in

ACAB no matter your gender

They are just following orders and happy to do so, and Gabriel still has some power over them

Tomoe plays by the rules, even though these rules are awful

Kagami’s anger

Chapter 17:

Aquarium date, aquarium date! Fish facts

Kagami’s anger still, doesn’t die out, render it through environment and senses

Water as a healing motive, fish facts

Hot outside - cold inside, ice-cream

Kagami nearly blows out because of kids after being slightly soothed

The power of love is strong but it can’t solve everything.

Additional note: someone in the comments asked me if Kagami had ASD, and the answer is, I don’t know, you tell me! If you think she is on the spectrum, then she is!

Addressing Kagami being closeted, because there’s simply no other way. This isn’t good. Having to live hidden out of fear isn’t good..

The bike motive, + ice cream

Kagami uses the word “lesbian” for the first time to describe her own experience.

Chapter 18:

Tomoe has feelings and these feelings suck. Under the guise of rules, abuse.

Kagami fighting back.

Power is material, through connections and money, nothing that can’t be bought

Kagami’s first demonstration, don’t make it too violent but still ACAB

Nino and Alya as reporters, Julerose and Luka seasoned protestors

The Palais de Justice’s gilded gates are closed vs the crowd

Marinette using her powers for something other than Hawk Moth, strong stance but also still a 15 yo kid’s understanding of the situation

Chapters 19-20:

No tanabata because Tomoe is terrible

The rooftop terrace at last, more Marigami wholesomeness

Dupain-Cheng house vs Tsurugi house, the furniture and dishes, the meal, more Tom and Sabine

Marinette has been cut from her Chinese heritage, exploring that (callback to Mandarin app, chapter 1) and bitterness of it

Adrien moving on in England, still Plagg with him, he’ll become a rich prep boy

Marinette as a Guardians, her own spell book

Duusuu is devouring Émilie’s soul and neither Marinette nor Kagami knows

Françoise Dupont at night, fencing classes, Marinette moves like Ladybug

The future: it is bright but bittersweet, let’s talk about it together

And there was only one bed

Oh, to cuddle with your girlfriend in her bed for the first time

Watching the sun rise together, calm breakfast

Side note: I also cried writing this one.

Chapter 21, epilogue

A new beginning

Kagami turning her back on her mother almost entirely

The bike motive, but Kagami no longer needs Marinette to show her the way now

New school, familiar faces but not only

An ordinary bracelet for Marinette, but proof of love despite everything

End on their hands.

#miraculous #ml #marigami #kagaminette #ao3fic #mine

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sinnamonfox · 4 years

Text

~ Sean x Finn - A band AU~

There’s this somewhat lengthy AU I wrote in the beginning of May but wasn’t ready to post it. It’s more detailed NSFW than the rest of the snippets I’ve posted here and I guess I felt self-conscious about it, but.. it’s stupid? Soo fuck insecurities, here comes a dose of a smutty AU with the boys. Enjoy <3

NSFW warning: blowjob, riding & use of recreational drugs

The Humboldt Crew has become a relatively famous alternative band among teens in Seattle's area in the last 6 years. The members are all teenage runaways, highschool drop-outs who met and connected through their same goal in life; making music (and getting high also helped in bonding). They play punk music with a hint of some softer vibes here and there. Cassidy's the lead singer, with the occasional acoustic guitar, Hannah, the eldest of them's behind the drums. Penny plays the bass while Finn, the youngest, shreds the electric guitar.

Finn's 24, got his dreads in a ponytail with all sorts of beads in it, his left arm is covered in wristbands, has different kinds of metal rings, covering parts of his 'free piza' tattoo which isn't his only ink by any means. He's got the triangles, the vertical line on his chin, the few other lines and nonsense scattered all over his body which he got while being wasted or just because he could. He even has a full-sleeve on his left arm, it's a mix of 'cool, abstract shit' as he’d said it.

Finn's easy going, very sweet and chill with their fans, more often than not hooking up with some of them but he's got a steady fuck buddy thing going on with Hannah if neither of them get a date by the end of the night after a gig. Finn loves to fuck, just like his tattoo suggests, the post-concert adrenaline mixed with the marijuana making those strangers all the more appealing. Deep down he knows he’s missing something. The feel of belonging romantically to someone else and having a meaningful connection is something he wishes he had but doesn’t feel like he deserves it.

Sean's a band geek, currently a senior in college at the age of 22. He's studying art, already making money out of it due to his luck, talent and having a best friend who majors in marketing. Lyla manages the advertisement, finds clients for him and is basically doing everything important accounting work for her childhood best friend, so naturally they share the income. It's a working deal between the two, helped them find a small but nice little apartment. They get graphic design commissions from small and medium-sized businesses to have their logo made, the style of their website, menus for restaurants and so on.

Sean's love life is dull, to put it bluntly. They go to college parties with Lyla and different concerts in the city so he's sort of trying to have fun, meeting new people along the way. He's bisexual and not a virgin in any sense. Had three girlfriends in the past and a boyfriend but none of them ended too well. Sean feels like he didn't find common ground with any of them, not in a classical romantic sense and not between the sheets either so they weren't long-lasting relationships. Sean was longing to finally find someone like that so Lyla, the Love Witch was on the lookout for him, 'advertising' not only his art but her best friend too whenever she had the chance, even though Sean asked her not to, multiple times.

Sean knows The Humboldt Crew's music, been a fan with Lyla since around the beginning. They get a commission from them to make different designs for their merch and their third album cover. Needless to say, he's excited to be working on that and as a friendly gesture, they even receive V.I.P. tickets to one of their shows. They get to rock out in the front row, singing along to the lyrics they both know so well with a plastic cup of beer in their hands and whoa, that guitarist is kinda hot?

Finn's a star, but one of those who don't even realize how good they are. Finn goes with the flow, he's confident and isn't afraid to be himself on stage, he enjoys the music immensely and it's showing in his behavour. He's jumping around with Penny and Cassidy, sharing grins and joyful looks, even takes off his tank top halfway through the concert to the crowd's amazement. Lyla notices Sean's interest and tells him how she's heard that he was pansexual so he's got a chance but Sean brushes it off, not believing that for a second.

She drags him backstage after the concert to meet the band. They're just as chill as they seem from afar, a very interesting crew with different personalities that somehow still found a way to work together. Sean can tell they're like a family from how they act around each other. The second Finn lays eyes on Sean from across the room, he just knows he needs to get to him so he walks up and introduces himself charmingly, flirting from the get go which instantly has Sean's cheeks go red because holy shit, this guy.

Finn picks up on it, knows he's got a chance and makes it his mission to seduce Sean because he's fucking smitten with the shy artist. Sean stammers, feeling like and idiot, especially since Finn's still half-naked with his sexy tattoos out in the open and are those nipple piercings? Lyla sees Sean's face and doesn’t need more, she scores them an invite to the band's house, where the private afterparty is held.

Of course, they get high. Finn chose to sit next to Sean, pressed to his side and is doing everything to mercilessly tease the younger to the point where he has to excuse himself and go out for some fresh air. It's not even that he's nervous, the weed and buzz from the alcohol has him in a good mood but Finn gets him so ridiculously turned on, like never before and he doesn't know what to do with it. The nonchalant touches on his thigh, his hot breath on his ear telling him he wants to see his skillful artist hands in action sometime, those pet names that make him melt and want to climb in his lap right there. This isn't like him, not at all. Sean never had a one night stand before but he was actually considering it because the guitarist is downright irresistible.

He smokes a cigarette out there in the dimly lit backyard, alone with his thoughts, at least for a while. Finn gets worried, thinking he came on too strong or he misunderstood the signs. Sean's startled out of his train of thought when Finn joins him on the wooden bench outside. He goes to apologize when Sean frowns and stops him. "No, no! Shit dude- I'm totally into it, it's just.." He lets out a frustrated sound, the words not coming to him as he gestures helplessly with his hands as if that'd help his case. "Never done something like this, I just met you and you're hot as hell, feeling me up and- Fuck, maybe I'll just shut up." Finn's easy laughter makes him smile too because somehow, it doesnt feel like he's laughing at him.

"Damn sweetie, ever been told you're real cute when you get all blushy?" Finn teases which just makes it worse. Tells Sean he doesn't have to do anything he's not 100% sure about and he won't make him either. Finn’s starting to really like Sean. Interacting with him feels so real, no lies and pretending. The artist doesn’t treat him differently just because he’s semi-famous. Meanwhile, Sean's touched by his patience and thanks him for being so cool, also shuffles closer to the tattooed punk because he does want it, tells him so.

"Then what are you afraid of?" The question breezes out of Finn’s mouth, the corners quirking up from finding Sean adorable.

"Nothing." Sean whispers back before closing the distance between them and it's one of those legendary, movie-like kisses that neither of them had before, with fireworks going off in the background. One that shakes you to the core and leaves you trembling, sucks the breath right out of your lungs. Sparks fly and it turns extremely heated with Sean swinging his leg over Finn's lap, Finn's calloused guitarist fingers travel up his tshirt at the back and pull the artist closer in desperation. Finn’s tongue tests the waters, asking permission into Sean’s mouth and he gains it almost immediately. After a few minutes of making out, they're both so stupidly hard, grinding mindlessly against each other while exchanging the sloppy kisses that fill up the night air with wet smacking sounds and occasional moans from the both of them. Finn's the one to initiate continuing it in his room, ready to back out if needed but as Sean's lustfilled eyes find his, telling him to lead the way, he’s sure about what comes next.

They sneak by the others and up the stairs but they're not even fully on the second level before Finn presses Sean against the wall and their lips collide in burning passion. Sean's making needy sounds and Finn's so drunk on it, pining his wrists to the wall and massaging their tongue’s together, taking charge of the situation. Sean absolutely loves it.

Somehow, the two men find themselves in the messy room with Sean on his back on a beat-up mattress. It's a miracle they managed to get that far. Not even five minutes later they're both fully naked and Finn's sucking off the younger eagerly, his mouth proving to be just as skillful working on his cock as it was spewing out filth, his fingers are opening up the tan male thoroughly. When Sean can't take it any longer, he pulls him up by his dreads and flips them over to Finn's surprise.

After taking care of protection and applying lube, Sean sinks down on Finn's impressive length with a long, drawn-out moan that's rivaled by Finn's sounds of pleasure and his praises. His strong thighs flex as he begins bouncing. He’s clawing at the flat, pale stomach in ecstasy because this is perfect, Finn’s length is just perfect, hitting his sweet spots without needing to be guided. Sean wants to keep it down but when Finn starts fucking up right into his prostate, he loses all sense of control and let's go of his high-pitched moans. Finn takes the opportunity to take over again and pushes Sean on his back to pummel into him wildly, his dreads bouncing with his movements, both of them sweating. Sean can't think of anything else, he only feels the way Finn's sliding in and out of him, angling his hips with such expertise, it drives him crazy.

When Sean comes, it's with a scream of Finn's name that he paints his stomach, one hand jacking himself off, the fingers on the other digging into Finn's back, holding on for dear life. He clenches around Finn's dick which sends the other over the edge as well, spilling in the condom with a loud grunt and chanting of his partner's name. Sean's heart is thumping in his ears as he feels Finn breathe raggedly into his neck in the aftermath. He also has a lazy smile on his face when the older kisses him again. They're both sort of surprised at what just happened so no wonder they're grinning like idiots. Finn chuckles into the brief, sensual kiss before gently pulling out and taking care of the mess they've made with the help of Sean.

They're exhausted, it was a long night. Finn tells Sean he should stay if he wanted to, the arm he throws over Sean's sweaty torso is nice and despite their messiness, the artist burrows closer, welcoming the hug and agreeing to the plan. They fall asleep that way, wrapped up in each other, strangers who just met a few hours ago yet it’s already had such a huge impact on both of them. The next morning, Sean wakes up earlier and yesterday’s events come back to him, making him blush. He's hugging the musician's naked body from the back which just feels so natural, as if it wasn't the first time it happened and he's known him for longer than just one night. As Sean begins overthinking, it hits him; was this really a casual hook up? Are all of them so damn hard to walk away from? He feels somewhat stupid for having those feelings but.. this man beside him seems so full of love. The way he treated his crew, how he made sure Sean was feeling comfortable with the situation, his eyes going soft whenever Sean stuttered in embarrassment of right when he released.

When those piercing blue eyes take him in after waking up, Finn starts the morning with a groggy, „Good mornin’, beautiful.” Sean’s heart skips a beat and in the next second soft lips are on his again, movements so different to the night prior. More languid and sweet, as if Finn was bittersweetly memorizing the curve of Sean’s lips before he disappears, like he’s just used to people leaving him after they get what they want. Sean kisses back with the same intensity, no rushing in the slightest. They share a lazy smile, Sean’s face is flushed and connects their lips once again, letting Finn know he has no intentions leaving just yet.

He’ll have time to thank Lyla later.

#Eilla's imagines #sean x finn #lis2 #sean diaz #finn mcnamara #sinn #fean #mcdiaz #band au #alternative universe #guitarist finn #artist sean #lyla park #smut #sinnamonfox

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autumnslance · 4 years

Note

Heyyy! I have a question! But first I would love to share how I love your work ^^! It's mostly why I come to you with this question... See, I uh- would love to have the courage to share my writing, and my OCs to the world. But I never found the courage to. Do you have any tips? Or do you know any good tags where I can show my work at, so that one day I will just "accidentally" press the submit button? ^^'

Thank you~!

Honestly, I still feel anxious about sharing my stories and blurbs. I still feel like my OCs are pretty basic and not super interesting for others to read about.

But they're my characters and I like them anyway, so I'll keep writing about them. Even if takes me time to put some things out. I've always needed to write and share what I write, and sometimes that need overwrites the fear and anxiety--but it can still be hard.

And you know me, this rambles, so have a cut--

I have a buncha prompts and Ao3 threads with an "unnamed generic WoL" that were in some ways me testing the waters, figuring out what worked. Eventually the "unnamed WoL" in those bits leaned more and more towards being Aeryn, until I was just now writing about my own WoL (and her friends) directly without apology. But even then...Even knowing people like my characters, even knowing people like my OC/NPC ship somehow, it can be a struggle

One reason I like prompts and challenges is they make me write something and post without dwelling too hard on it, in theory. That "Rak'tika Rendezvous" piece? I've been sitting on that for at least nine months. I have other WIPs and Drafts, some even older than that! Some are unfinished--and some I'm just too nervous to post, like that one, which was edited often and heavily revised at least once.

I could just leave my writing in a drawer or a doc folder on my hard drive--and for many years I did. I discovered fanfiction in my teens on some of the earliest sites and webrings in the 1990s. It was a different existence; I didn't have a home computer or know how to make accounts or post. I just wrote, having realized the stories I told in my head could actually exist on paper. Literally, at the time. But they also are all gone, not archived anywhere or saved where I can find them again.

Roleplaying helped me, in learning how to make characters and write about them, and then posting about them. Tabletop, LARP, and online, I've done it all. I got pretty good at editing chat logs into something readable, and sometimes even looking like a story. The forums and Livejournals they were posted on were meant for the specific communities I was in--friends catching up on story beats. My WoW server (Shadow Council) had a community-run website, RP-Haven, for years. I posted modified RP logs and stories about my WoW OCs there; a bit more open than my immediate RP group/guild, but still people whose interests I knew were somewhat shared. So the move to posting on Tumblr and Ao3 for me feels like another step, for a wider audience of people who inexplicably like what I write about. It's been mostly positive in my experience, but I write fairly innocuous stuff and my audience is still pretty small and contained.

The internet has changed over time, so any baby steps process will be different. On Tumblr, sharing writing is a lot of knowing how the Search and Tag functions work. So far as I know you can keep something in Drafts indefinitely, until you're ready to hit that "Post" button. Tags should be simple, direct, and consistent, and only the first 5 show up in the general tag search (though can pull up on your blog easily when going to that tag). Which is why I always go "Final Fantasy XIV", "whatever challenge I'm doing", "NPC Name", "own writing tags", etc. I end up following and getting followed thanks to the FFXIVWrite challenges in the last 3 years, where we're all throwing down whatever springs to mind within a 24 hour deadline to break those anxiety-induced perfectionist habits that keep people from posting. Many folks rewrite/revise their entries later, too, because why not?

On Ao3 a draft can only exist for a certain amount of time, before it auto-deletes or you have to post it to save it from oblivion. I don't know if changing the draft extends that deadline; I don't tend to save things in drafts in Ao3, keeping those in GoogleDocs. Knowing tagging on Ao3 is also a thing (I've yet to figure out as fully). Sometimes I'll share a draft from Gdocs with a friend or two for feedback and encouragement before posting ("That Green Umbral Wind" was one, and "Please" was because hooboy).

Pillowfort is a lot like Tumblr, but has features like making a post non-rebloggable, and also any edits to the post reflect in reblogs. There's a bit more control of one's posts there. Also communities, which are like collectively following a public feed people can post or reblog directly to. Pillowfort's also still smaller/less used than Tumblr, and gives out invite keys regularly. Sometimes starting small, with more controls over how it's seen and shared, can help with the anxiety.

I'm also in a largish writing Discord where there are channels for sharing snippets of one's writing, and people can react with emojis and discuss it in the related channels. That's always nice for feedback, for brainstorming, for encouragement. There are even rules now about self-deprecating and putting down your own work--it doesn't help you or anyone else to put yourself and your writing down. We're all learning and growing the more we practice and try new things, like any other art.

You can only get better by keeping on writing, but there's only so far you can get without any feedback. Even if it's just a Like/Kudos, someone read and cared. Comments and tags like "I like this line" or "I love you wrote X part" or "I like how they interact" can really help figure out your strengths, maybe what of the other bits could be worked on more, and of course bolster the confidence to simply keep posting. Trusted friends or finding good beta readers to ping things off of can make a difference, depending on how you write.

But in the end, it's making the love of your OCs and wanting to write matter more than that fear/anxiety. Giving yourself the freedom to make changes when needed, to know it's not written in stone and can be edited, or even rewritten and reposted when you know you can do it better--I see it often. Sometimes you sit on something for awhile tweaking it until it's ready, sometimes you yeet a new piece into the void as soon as you finish typing.

Knowing that if nothing else, on a day when you need to, you can go to that page on your device and reread that thing you posted and remember you still love your characters, even years later, and maybe even think of something new to write for them.

#blogging #writing #characters #about me #roleplaying #OCs #Anonymous

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thatbettabitch · 4 years

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My experience with ordering a betta online

Recently, my betta named Orpheus died. I had gotten him from a semi-irresponsible white elephant gift during Christmas and even with a fully functional 3.5 gallon he only lasted about 5 months.

I couldn’t figure out why he died. At the time, I thought I was doing the best for him (I wasn’t), but his death was not fully my fault. Due to the circumstances of how I got him I was not prepared: I had no clue what a cycle is and I had not kept a betta in years. Fortunately, Orpheus was a strong fish. He put up with my massive water changes (I know) and he somehow survived my tank cycling without me knowing it (I feel so bad for this), but equipped with the knowledge and tools I have now I realized his death was not fully my fault. After he died, I tested the water in his tank to make sure of this, and since it had cycled it was pristine. From my best guess (and a lot of guilt induced research), Orpheus had died partially due to the crappy genetics of bettas, especially from chain pet stores.

Of course this decided to happen mid-pandemic.

Now, finding bettas usually is not a difficult thing. You can find them at just about any pet store in your area any time of the year, but due to COVID closures and shipment delays I couldn’t find them anywhere.

Since I am very impatient (and slightly hesitant to purchase another betta from my local Petco), I ordered my betta online.

After some research, I ended up ordering my betta from a fish store in my state but due to some recent reviews, I am not comfortable sharing the name. Once I had browsed the options available I ended up with a gorgeous half-moon that ended up costing a bit more than I would have liked.

(Above is a four picture of a betta fish arranged in a square with type overlapping the middle that says 1.4″ 4mths. The fish has fins around 180 degrees of his body in a half-moon shape. The body is purple with white fins resembling ears, and the fins around his body are a red to white ombre)

Once I had ordered, all I had to do was wait. I deep cleaned my tank and started the cycling process. After about a week, my betta shipped but there was a minor issue. My order which was the betta and a couple plants (which died cause of my stupidity. Don’t bleach dip your plants people!), had 2-3 day shipping since I couldn’t afford the 50$ overnight cost. Since my order shipped out on Thursday at 4pm, I quickly realized that my order was going to be in the mail longer than expected. (The retailer did have a DOA policy but bettas are a living thing and that is a whole other post). Due to delays, my betta ended up in the mail for almost five whole days, and only when he got here I noticed that he was shipped in a bag he could barely swim in. Fortunately, my betta survived shipping and arrived alive, but confused and stressed.

(Above is a picture of the same betta on his side with muted colors due to stress)

When I got him he was dazed and confused. He was unable to swim properly and keep himself upright for at least 24 hours and he was visibly stressed. I was worried sick and felt extremely guilty about what I had put him through. I quickly transferred him into a smaller tank with the water he traveled in and a bunch of conditioned water. I did not float him because I wanted to get him out of the dirty water as quick as possible and I did not properly adjust him to the new water because I was worried about the ammonia levels. After about 15 minutes I moved him into the tank, and watched him attempt to swim and lay on the bottom for a while. Then I ran to my local pet store to get API Stresscoat because I was very worried and stressed about him and I thought it might help (the jury is still out on stress coat though). His color returned after a couple hours in clean water, and he was able to swim properly after about 36 hours.

(Above is a picture of the same betta with more color on a black gravel. He is pitched slightly to the side while sitting on the gravel)

Do I love my betta? Yes. Would I order a betta online again? Definitely not. But, if you are like me and going to do it anyways, whether its due to impatience or inability to find bettas in your area, here is what I would suggest.

1. Always order from a store as close as possible to you, preferably in your own state. Make sure this retailer is reputable and offers quick shipping!

2. As you always should, make sure your tank is fully prepped and cycled before you add your fish.

3. Make sure you are home when your fish arrives so you can immediately work on transferring.

4. If you have it, stresscoat can be a good addition to your new tank. The API website posted the study they did with it in lowering stress levels.

Please be careful and nice with your fish! Remember they are living creatures and they will not enjoy this. Even though I got my betta this way, I would never recommend this due to the high risk and cruel shipping conditions. In addition, I would not recommend getting bettas from a chain pet store, instead I would look for a well reviewed tropical fish store in your area.

PLEASE NOTE: My recommendations here are all based off of my personal experiences, and as you should with anything online, take them with a grain of salt. Do your research and decide what is best for your situation.

TLDR: I ordered my betta online and would not recommend it due to cruelty and potential shipping delays. If you do, make sure to do some proper research first.

#bettablr #betta care #betta fish #fishblr #fishkeeping

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seoulinguist · 5 years

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New Years Resolutions

(^cafe in 광주)

My favorite holiday is almost here - New Years!! It always feels good to make some New Years resolutions to improve yourself AND make a wish at midnight~ Last year I wished to move to South Korea♡ and I did so better think of a good wish this year too ;)

My biggest resolution for next year is

ALL KOREAN ALL THE TIME

I’ve done this temporarily before when I had free time, but now I really want to make this my everyday life. It basically means that except for any chores/obligations/life things that need to be done, all my time will be spent doing something in Korean. Total immersion. You’re only as good at something as the time you put into it. As I wrote in my previous post, just be doing something - anything - in Korean all the time.

I will have to lead my life as follows:

If I’m bored, I better be studying Korean.

If I’m procrastinating doing something I have to do, might as well read a webtoon in Korean while I’m at it or play with vocab on Memrise.

If I want to watch something, I’ll just watch a tv show in Korean (without subs!). I will NOT watch English shows or movies.

I’ve been listening solely to Korean music for years now so it goes without saying which music I’ll be listening to.

Since I live in Korea it only makes sense to read reviews for stuff I have to buy in Korean such as makeup, everyday products and restaurants.

If I’m waiting for the elevator or I’m on the bus I’ll look around me to read any Korean signs or ads that I can see just for some extra vocab/practice.

I will also spend a lot less time on going out or on people who don’t really matter in my life just to “fit in” with people I don’t care much about. This precious time should be spent on studying. Making Korean friends (who don’t speak English) is welcome though as it’s speaking practice and they are people who probably won’t leave Korea in a few years so it can be a true long-lasting friendship.

To sum up, all of my free time will be spent doing something in Korean. I want to look back on my day and be proud of myself knowing I did as much as I possibly could.

I’ve actually already started implementing the above rules over the past month or two and I’m making great progress in converting my life into Korean! From 2020 I’ll make sure to follow the rules strictly.

(P.S. Even if I live in Korea it doesn’t mean I’m automatically immersed in Korean as I’m mostly surrounded by the other foreigners at my language school or English websites when I come home so immersion does require effort)

The biggest enemy for me are websites that I can scroll endlessly without a thought in my head. There are infinite memes, funny/cute videos etc which I somehow end up wasting most of my free time on without even noticing. It’s because I fully relax and all my anxiety dissipates, as opposed to studying which takes mental effort. It’s good in moderation to ease my mind for a few minutes but I can no longer let it drag me in for hours on end. This ends now!

One more goal for next year is:

Get TOPIK 6 (on the May topik test)

I only really need topik 5 right now for university but why not aim high :)

Edit: found out that I will have to take the earlier test in March so a solid topik 5 will have to do lol

I’m only taking the topik test because I have to, really, but it’s still good motivation to study Korean through higher level materials and learn the official kind of language you would see in the news and articles for a more balanced “language diet” ;)

For this goal I plan to go through all the past topik tests and write down+memorize any new vocab I encounter. Then use other sources for further vocab mining. The goal is 20 words a day (not counting the vocab I do for class) 6 days a week. This little challenge will last until I take the topik test, then I’ll make a new plan depending on my further goals.

Of course, I have other New Years resolutions for general self-improvement like drinking more water, drawing a little, maybe reading a bit in English or my mother tongue so as not to forget them completely etc. But this post is already long enough.

Happy New Year everyone!! I can’t wait to start utilizing every free second towards my goal and making myself proud day by day.

#korean #studyblr #langblr #korean language #koreablr #koreanblr #korea #korean langblr #studyspo #new years resolutions #studysthetics #study goals #study motivation

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santoteez · 4 years

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The Dormant Beast - Jongho (6)

Crescent continued trying to run, but it wasn’t until the man and Desire were fully out of view that she could move. All her auras activated at once, sending her flying into the walls, denting the drywall.

“Crescent!” Jongho shouted from down the hall, a crowd of people following closely behind.

“Down here.” She said, groaning as she got up.

Jongho ran over. “Hold on, let me help you. What happened?”

“Desire and I were walking over to the nurse’s office when we heard a crash. We ran in and the nurse was taped up and a hooded man was standing over her. Then he came towards us.”

“So, where’s Desire now?” Wonho asked, but the look on Crescent’s face told them all they needed to know.

“This hooded man just took Desire?” Jongho asked.

“Not exactly…more like she gave herself up.”

“Desire?” Han asked. “She just gave herself up? That’s out of character for her.”

“She said that if she went with him, she’d end up saving the rest of us. Said that it was time for her to finally do something worthy of being the Duchess. And that it’s what I would’ve done.” Crescent said, her voice trailing off.

“Hey, this isn’t your fault. Desire made that decision herself. Right now, we need to find out who is this hooded man.”

“Wait, the nurse! She’s still tied up!” Someone shouted.

When Jongho and Crescent reached the office, the nurse had been completed unbound, with Wonho cutting the tape off.

“Ms. Mae, are you alright?” Jongho asked, placing his hand on the elderly lady’s shoulder.

She nodded, squeezing his hand. “It’s gonna take a lot more than some hooded fool to take me down all the way.” She got up, stretching. Ms. Mae was a small, elderly woman. She was one of the last “humans” left, her generation birthing the first batch of aura holders. Crescent being auraless for so long, became acquainted heavily with the woman, initially due to the constant bullying.

“Ms. Mae, what happened?” Crescent asked, crouching down to her level.

“I was just filling up the supply cabinet like I do every morning when I felt a breeze. I knew it wasn’t just some regular bad weather; it felt too different. I turned around and there he was, just standing in the middle of the room. I asked him how could I help him, but he didn’t answer me. Suddenly, he was in front of me and the room started to spin. When I woke up, I was bound and the man was no longer in here.”

“Ms. Mae, were you bitten anywhere? That would explain the dizziness.” Crescent reached out for the lady’s arms, however, didn’t find any marks or wounds to fit the theory. “I don’t see anything, though.”

“But it makes sense. If this man has a snake or spider aura, it would be enough to knock Ms. Mae out.” Jongho said. “I’m calling an ambulance. They’ll be able to figure out more about what happened to her.”

Jongho stood beside Crescent as she explained everything she saw to the police when they arrived 15 minutes later. They decided to seal off the school indefinitely as a crime scene.

“Not only was the school nurse attacked and possibly poisoned, a top-tier student has been abducted and another injured. We’re considering this campus a hotspot, and the kids will be off from school for the rest of the week while we coordinate with the teachers a way for school to resume without significant damage to the lesson plan. For the parents, close friends and family of Desire Lane, counseling services will be offered free of charge at the local hospital and is strongly encouraged. When we have a clearer idea of what went on this morning, there will be another briefing. Thank You.”

Crescent grimaced as the bitter taste of malt descended her throat, coughing slightly, overlooking the town from the roof of her house.

“I figured I’d find you up here.”

She turned around to see Jongho pop his head out from the door. “I’m guessing you don’t need Eclipse to drink anymore, huh?” He asked, nodding towards the beer in her hand.

“I felt like I needed a drink, but I chickened out trying to steal the vodka.” She mumbled.

Jongho chuckled, sitting beside her and pulling out his phone. “Ms. Mae’s test results came back.”

“They just gave them to you? You’re not family.”

“Perks of being the king of the jungle.” He said, handing her the phone. “Here. You’re the closest she has to family now anyway, with her kids gone.”

Crescent sighed. “Who would think the same man that killed her kids would come to attack her.” She focused her attention to the screen in front of her.

Her eyes bulged out. “Jongho! This says she has a rabies bite!” She shouted, jumping up from her position.

Jongho followed suit. “Hey, calm down.”

“Calm down? She’s human, Jongho! Rabies can kill her! How is she not in a coma right now?”

“They were able to treat it early since we called the ambulance. We have cutting-edge technology now, Cres. It’s a lot harder to die from rabies nowadays. She’s recovering and doctors say she’ll be just fine.” Jongho explained, wrapping his arms around Crescent and pulling her close. “She should be allowed visitors soon. How bout I figure out a time and we go see her?” He asked, kissing her temple.

“Okay.” Crescent said, curling into his embrace.

“Okay.” Jongho smiled.

“What would I do without you?” Crescent asked.

“Be the same independent person you’ve always been. When will you realize you’d live perfectly fine without me here?” Jongho squeezed her shoulder.

“Hey love birds, I hate to ruin the moment but it’s getting late and I’m locking the roof door for the night. Can’t be too safe.” Lunar called out from the door.

“How are you feeling?” Crescent asked, holding the much older lady’s hand.

“Better now that my favorite girl’s come to see me.” Ms. Mae smiled, her eyes creasing. “Don’t tell the other kids.”

Crescent and Jongho laughed. It was now Friday. The school cooperated with the authorities and they agreed on an online learning system for the campus. On Monday, the students were to log into the school website to receive their assignments for the day. Video chat would be available for tutoring or questions, but not mandatory. All assignments would be due at midnight, instead of during the regular timeslots, to make it easier for the children to have time in between to adjust and to see counselors to help with coping.

“At least you don’t have to worry about work for a while, Ms. Mae. With the school closed and all, you can focus on getting better.” Jongho said, pouring her a cup of water.

“Wrong.” She glared at Jongho playfully, grabbing the water from him. “School or not, you know I always worry about you kids. Hell, I spend the weekends watching the news and reading the papers, praying I don’t see one of your faces pop up. And now little Desire was taken because I couldn’t do anything.” She sighed, taking a sip.

“Ms. Mae, that is not your fault and you know it. In situations like this, it’s safer for the auraless to stand down. Regardless, even if you could’ve done something, something tells me Desire would’ve chosen to go with him all the same.”

“He’s right.”

The trio turned to the door, where Desire stood. Her usually done-up face was bare, and she sported a hoodie and jeans, which she’d never wear on her own accord. She removed her sunglasses, showing dark circles. It was clear she hadn’t slept a wink since Crescent last saw her.

“Desire! He let you go?” Crescent asked, almost in disbelief she was even in front of her.

Desire laughed nervously. “Not exactly.”

“So, he’s here?” Jongho asked, already defensive.

“No! No, I’m alone, but he’s making me go back. I only came to show Ms. Mae I was okay so she wouldn’t worry. I didn’t plan on seeing you two here.”

“Desire, you can’t possibly be thinking of going back to him, right?” Crescent asked, becoming hysterical when the red-haired girl stayed silent. “Desire, he already let you out! You don’t have to go back! Let’s go talk to the police-”

“I have to go back, Crescent. He…made me leave something with him as collateral. As a promise that I’d come back without putting up a fight.”

Jongho shook his head. “Desire, if this is about material stuff, we can get it back. I’ll have my dad pay for whatever it is, just please come with us to the police.”

“I wish it were material.” She whispered.

“What?”

“What he took from me wasn’t my clothes or shoes or a purse. It was my aura.”

“Desire, what are you saying?” Crescent furrowed her eyebrows. “Someone can’t just take your aura. It’s something you’re born with.”

“I thought like that too. Until he placed his hand on my forehead. It was something I never felt before, but I knew it wasn’t right. It was like I felt it leaving my body. And once he was done, I tried to activate, but I couldn’t. I felt nothing, Crescent. I felt empty. I called out for my wolf over and over, but she was gone. I’ve already been bumped out of the throne; I can’t lose my aura itself too. So, I’m sorry, but I’m going back. Don’t follow me.” Desire said, heading towards the door.

“Desire, you can’t seriously go back to him.”

“You want me to come back? Beat him. Stop him and it’ll be safe for me to return. Not a moment sooner. Not when he’s already threatened both of you. Whatever you have to do, just get rid of him. Kill him for all I care.”

Desire can you just stop for a second? We can figure something out!” Crescent pleaded.

“Ms. Mae, get well soon and feel better.”

“DESIRE! At least tell us where he is hiding you!”

“I’m sorry, Crescent!”

Crescent and Jongho ran after her, but she seemed to have vanished into thin air by the time they reached the door.

Jongho pinched the bridge of his nose. “This situation is bigger than we thought.

Crescent and Jongho left about an hour later. They looked around the hospital and even checked the security footage, but there was no sign of how Desire got out. In fact, there was no concrete evidence to how she got in. They could see her walking the halls, but it was almost like her body materialized near the entrance, rather than walking through it. They returned to Ms. Mae’s room, defeated, only to find her sound asleep. Deciding to let her rest, they agreed to return another day.

“I still can’t wrap my head around this whole situation.” Jongho sighed, looking up to the sky as they walked.

“Do you think it’s even possible? Being stripped of your aura?” Crescent wrapped her arm around Jongho’s, pulling herself closer to him.

“I don’t know, but Desire seems to think so. Of course, not sensing your aura can be caused by other things. Perhaps it’s not awake, or the host is under duress or severe trauma. But, I don’t think Desire is worried enough to suddenly not feel her aura due to her own mental health. And even if her aura were dormant, she’d still be able to see it. So, that rules out that possibility.”

“Unless it’s his aura causing that reaction?”

“An aura that fogs up or distorts your vision? What animal would that even be? A bat maybe…” Jongho sighed. “Nothing’s gonna get solved with us bouncing ideas around in the middle of the street. Let’s just get you home first.”

They walked onto Crescent’s porch a while later. Crescent’s parents were not home, and it looked like Eclipse wasn’t home either.

Crescent turned to Jongho. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? It’s late and dark, not to mention the target on your back. I’m sure my parents would agree if you did.”

“No, it’s all good. My house isn’t that far away. Besides, it’s Friday. We can spend all day together tomorrow if you want. Maybe get some food, my treat?” Jongho smiled, kissing her cheek when she nodded. “I’ll call you when I’m home, okay? Go ahead upstairs.” He turned on his heels, walking down the driveway.

Jongho was down the block when he heard rustling in some bushes nearby. He turned to follow the noise, but the rustling stopped when he did. Turning back around, he found himself face to face with none other than the hooded entity himself.

It was the Void.

“Don’t put up a fight, little boy. Just come with me.”

“Like hell I will.” The boy challenged, beating his chest, his scleras darkening.

“Ah, so you’re the gorilla. That’s quite the aura you have there. A shame if something were to happen to it.” The Void taunted.

Jongho roared, his voice booming down the block.

Hearing it caused Crescent’s blood to run cold. Jongho only ever powered up in dire situations, so she knew he must be in trouble.

She ran out just in time to see Jongho charging towards the man.

“Jongho!” She shouted in surprise. He never attacked first, so she couldn’t understand why today was any different.

Jongho was stopped dead in his tracks, his neck in The Void’s hands, similar to Desire. He seemed to power down almost immediately, his arms and feet going limp.

“What a domesticated monkey. Let’s get you back to my lab.” As if summoned, a portal opened.

“Jongie!” Crescent yelled down the street, running at full speed. She was aware if was futile, but she couldn’t get her body to stop.

Just as she approached the pair, the Void slipped into the portal, but not before whispering “You’re next” and the egress closed until it was nothing.

Crescent yelled in sorrow, cold and alone in the middle of the street.

“You wanna play that way? Let’s play.”

#jongho #choi jongho #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop angst #ateez #ateez jongho #ateez fanfiction #Ateez hongjoong #ateez mingi #ateez seonghwa #ateez fluff #ateez wooyoung #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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1045

surveys by lets-make-surveys 1 - What did you do to celebrate your last birthday? Did you get any decent gifts? Guh I honestly barely want to recognize my birthday this year because 2020 has been a huge waste of my time...but fine, I guess I’m 22. It had been during the peak of the quarantine/pandemic, so we had no choice but to stay home. I just played the Switch all morning, then I think I watched my dad play video games, and then Angela and Hans sent over a box of sushi to our place. Real chill day.

2 - What was the last “random act of kindness” you experienced? It was my first day at the office today and I had to go up and down the stairs several times to bring packages to delivery riders, since I had to send those out to certain people. A member of the maintenance staff in the area was super nice and offered to carry some of the boxes for me, since he saw how much I was struggling with the boxes.

3 - Have you ever “paid it forward” by putting money behind the counter somewhere so the next person can get a free coffee or similar? Not yet. I’d love to be able to do that soon.

4 - What caused the last injury that made you bleed? Was it a serious injury? I was trying to open a bottle of soju last night but the cap just would not budge. Next thing I knew my finger was already bleeding. Never got to drink my soju :(

5 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Are you close to that person at all? One of the delivery riders who took my package earlier. Bless his soul, he was very new to the delivering thing and I think I was his first-ever customer, and he kept asking for my help. I did my best for a while but eventually I had to tell him I genuinely did not know how to answer some of his questions as I wasn’t a driver myself.

6 - What was the last item you received in the mail? Something I had ordered online. It was the gift I’m planning to give my grandma for Christmas.

7 - When was the last time you received flowers? What kind were they? A year ago, I think. It was a single stem of a rose. We were saving up last year hahaha so I had gotten her a single stem as well.

8 - Are you a fan of salted caramel? What about other “odd” combinations like sea salt and chocolate or chilli and chocolate? Ooh, I didn’t know salted caramel was considered odd; it’s a pretty common flavor here and has even gotten more popular in the last few years. I like it as a flavor in desserts, like cupcakes with salted caramel frosting. When it comes to food, I’m generally open-minded and will try any combination that exists at least once; that said, chili and chocolate sound especially intriguing haha. I’ve only ever tried chili ice cream, which was delicious.

9 - Do you enjoy watching bloopers or outtakes from TV shows? If so, which series do you think has the funniest ones? Yes. Bloopers in general are great but it’s best when they come from shows that have a reputation for being more drama-heavy and serious - that said, Breaking Bad bloopers are the fucking best. ‘Bloopers’ from animated movies are hilarious too; they were always made so well too that as a kid, I legit thought the characters were actual actors as it never crossed my mind that animators would take the extra effort and time to make bloopers out of fictional characters and that they had to be real actors in some way lol.

10 - What’s your favourite dessert food? OMG macarons for the win. I’ve been craving them so much. Cheesecake is great too, and also cupcakes.

11 - Do you have any really dangerous wild animals where you live? Have you ever encountered any of them? Nope only stray dogs and cats, and probably some chickens somewhere.

12 - Have you ever dreamed of owning your own shop? What kind of thing would you like to sell? I’ve never dreamed of this; it’s never been a goal of mine and running a business doesn’t sound like my kind of thing.

13 - Are you a twin? If not, would you ever want to be a twin? If you are a twin, do you ever wish you weren’t? No. I’ve never really found myself wishing for it, either.

14 - Do you prefer wearing your hair straight or curly? Maybe just a little wavy. Definitely not in the extreme of either side of the spectrum.

15 - Would you ever want to go and visit the moon? If I had the chance and everything was paid for and stuff, hell yeah. It’d be cool to get to cross out one of my childhood bucket list items.

16 - What was the last hot drink you had? What about cold drink? Or alcoholic drink? My last hot drink was...probably the coffee I asked my mom to make last Friday, but I did wait it out until it was considerably cooler as I didn’t want to drink it hot. My last cold drink is the iced caramel macchiato I ordered tonight and still have with me at the moment. Then for alcoholic drink, I had soju mixed with Yakult about two weeks ago.

17 - Does anything on your body hurt or ache right now? My lower back, unsurprisingly. I also cut my right middle finger trying to open a soju bottle last week, andddd I gained a blister on my right foot today because of the shoes I picked to wear for work.

18 - When was the last time you struggled to get to sleep? Was there was a specific reason for that? I can’t remember exactly when, but it happened within the last week or the last two weeks. Sometimes I just drink too much coffee during the day that it affects how sleepy I’d ultimately feel at night.

19 - What three countries would you most like to visit? Morocco, India, and Thailand.

20 - Who’s your closest friend from another country? How did you come to meet this person? I don’t really have one anymore...I’ve grown apart from my internet friends from different countries a long time ago, and I also don’t tend to keep up friendships with my friends who’ve since migrated from the Philippines to another country. I suppose the one I’m on best terms with is Angel who migrated to Toronto around a decade ago; but I use ‘best’ very loosely as the most we do is comment on one another’s posts whenever we reach like a life accomplishment, like when we graduated college.

21 - When was the last time you had a cold? With everything going on in the news, did you worry that it was COVID? It’s been a while. I can’t remember; it was definitely pre-Covid.

22 - As of today (10th December, 2020) the COVID vaccine is being rolled out in the UK. Are you going to have it once it’s available to you (if it ever is)? A part of me is a little concerned because I know vaccines take years and sometimes even decades to be fully developed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t trust doctors and science. I very much do, of course. It’s just that I’d personally prefer to wait it out first to see if it’ll have any negative effects once rolled out on a massive scale.

23 - What are your favourite websites to browse when you’re bored? Wikipedia black holes are the way to go.

24 - Do you think people should have to pass a test in order to own pets? A local animal welfare NGO already does that; Nina had to go through several tests before she was allowed to adopt Arlee. There was a verbal interview, a written form she had to fill out, and a representative from the organization even visited our house to see if it was a suitable environment for Arlee; I’m sure there was a few more steps she was required to undergo. I certainly think it’s a good and responsible process.

25 - When was the last time you fell asleep/had a nap during the day? Is this something that happens often? It’s been monthssssssssss. I don’t really take naps during the day anymore.

26 - Do you suffer/have you ever suffered with bad acne? What kind of things did you do to try and improve it? I’ve never had issues with acne and was always rather fortunate when it comes to my skin. I’ll have a pimple or two show up once or twice a year, but they go away within a week or so. Since I don’t want to jinx it, I just wash my face with water and I’ve never experimented with any skincare products ever.

27 - When you think about it, do you think it’s odd that we stop drinking human milk at a young age, but we happily drink milk from other species instead? Not really.

28 - How’s the weather where you are? Is this a good or a bad thing for you? These days it’s humid and hot during the day (as always), but now that it’s Christmas season the weather tends to plunge to like 24-26C during nighttime. I’d say the night part is good for me as I prefer being cold than hot, so I’m glad we’ll be having this weather until March at most.

29 - When was the last time you ate a pizza? What toppings did you get? Tuesday. Relatives came over then and my cousin got us pizzas. I don’t remember what toppings he got but both pizzas had stuffed crust in it.

30 - How often do you wear make-up? What kind of make-up do you wear? Wow, almost never. Gab used to put makeup on me but now that she’s gone, I don’t really see myself wearing makeup for the meantime as I definitely wouldn’t apply them onto myself.

1 - If you have caffeine late in the day, does it cause you to struggle with your sleep? Eh, sometimes. Sometimes it’ll do what it’s supposed to and make me stay up for a while, but other times it doesn’t work and I’ll end up getting sleepy the same time I usually start feeling so.

2 - When you struggle to sleep, what do you do instead? Watching videos has eternally worked for me.

3 - Who was the last person you spoke to for the first time? How did you come to speak to this person? Hmm I met my co-workers Ysa and Bea for the first time today, if it counts. I’ve only ever talked to them through Viber since we’re on a WFH set-up, but we had to go to the office today to fix up some boxes that we needed to get delivered. But the last person that I really hadn’t met nor spoken to before was Jhomar, the company messenger who takes care of pickups for the day.

4 - If you have a pet, have they ever embarrassed you in public or in front of friends or family members? What happened? Kimi is typically unfriendly towards strangers, so as cute and cuddly as he looks he would probably bite your finger off. I’ve had to explain that to guests who’ve felt puzzled about his demeanor. He’s my little baby though and I wouldn’t say he’s embarrassed me because of it. Cooper on the other hand is hyper-friendly to the point that he looks aggressive and it has scared some people away; in reality, he’s always SO pumped to meet anyone and everyone and can never contain his excitement haha. He’s literally the nicest dog.

5 - Do you leave the house every single day? I never leave the house, except if it’s to withdraw cash or go to the Starbucks drive through to pick up a coffee.

6 - Would you rather spend the day at the beach, or a day in the snow in the mountains? I would normally pick beach, but I think the mountains would be best for me at the moment.

7 - Do you prefer tops that are plain, or ones with patterns/logos/slogans? Plain.

8 - Are there any TV shows from your childhood that you still watch today? I’ll watch Spongebob every now and then. When I’m bored and have enough time on my hands I’ll sometimes watch other shows from my childhood just for that nostalgia wave, like Barney or Hannah Montana.

9 - How many texts would you say you send on an average day? Used to be hundreds, but now it’s probably like...5, on average. Sometimes I’ll need to text media for work and that’ll come up to around 15-20 texts but that happens only occasionally, like once every two weeks.

10 - Do you enjoy buying gifts for other people, or do you never know what to buy them? I never know what to buy for people. I like buying gifts for a significant other, though. I tend to spoil one to no end.

11 - Girls - if you get periods, do you suffer from period pain or any other horrible symptoms? I get the hormonal symptoms, but the physical symptoms are almost never there. My stomach will usually contract in a way that tells me it’s coming soon, but it never really aches. Most of the time, I just cry and mope a lot and that’s how I know it’s on its way, ha.

12 - The last time you were in a car, where you were travelling to? Were you the driver or a passenger? I was headed back home. but I came from the office. I was the driver as always.

13 - Who were you with the last time you went out for a meal? I took myself out on a date.

14 - What book do you wish they’d make into a film or TV series? The Septimus fucking Heap series, please. They’ve been trying to get it made into a movie series for years but as far as I know the talks have always fallen through.

15 - The age old question - do you prefer coke or pepsi? That’s a big ‘or’ for me. I don’t drink soda.

16 - What’s the last thing you watched on TV? Is this a programme you watch regularly? Bea took over the office TV earlier and she had it set to a BTS + Taylor Swift music video playlist so that we had background music while working. No, neither are my artists of choice, really.

17 - Do you have a favourite documentary subject (eg. nature, celebrities, history, crime)? Pro wrestling (a seriously underrated documentary subject) and crime. Documentaries on anthropological issues or discoveries are great as well. I do love history, but I prefer to absorb it in text/museum form.

18 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury snacks? What snack would you say is your overall favourite? Savoryyy. I get tired of sweet snacks pretty quickly. My current favorites to munch on are any salted egg flavored chips.

19 - Does having to wear a mask stop you from doing anything, just because you dislike them or find them uncomfortable? It can be harder to breathe and I get exhausted a lot faster with a mask on, but I keep it on because I would want to keep other people safe and because it’s so easy to keep a damn mask on.

20 - Do you prefer zip-up or overheard hoodies? Either is fine.

21 - If you have a yard or garden, how much time do you spend out there? I prefer the rooftop, and if I do go there I usually stay for a few hours during the evening just to have some time to myself. Being in a house with four adults can get pretty overwhelming and taxing sometimes.

22 - When was the last time someone bought you flowers? What was the occasion? I think it was for Valentine’s Day last year. If not, it was for the anniversary which was a week after Valentine’s Day.

23 - How often do you get takeaway? What’s your favourite thing to order? I don’t really do takeout. I usually dine-in or have food delivered to my place.

24 - Do you own a lot of clothing items in your favourite colour? What is your favourite colour, anyway? I don’t have a lot of clothes in pink. It’s not my best color, but I like it in everything else hahaha.

25 - When was the last time you stayed overnight away from home? Was this with friends, family or in a hotel somewhere? What was the occasion? Idk probably a sleepover at Gab’s place early this year.

26 - Would you ever be interested in seeing a live magic show? Sure. Magic shows are already a staple at kids’ birthday parties here, and I’ve always enjoyed them especially since magicians are quite the comedians too.

27 - What’s your favourite period to learn about in history? What got you interested in this particular era? I don’t have a favorite period per se but I’ve always had an affinity for the royalty. I like reading all about them, no matter what period they reigned or what house/country they’re from. Historians have kept impressive and super detailed accounts or records for most of them, so reading about their lives has also allowed me to learn more about the culture they lived through.

28 - Do you still use or carry cash, or do you pay for everything via card? I heavily rely on cash and I actually realized how behind I am just today, when Bea ordered lunch for the office. I paid her with cash and she looked at me all puzzled and was like, “Can you do bank transfer instead?” another big girl stuff I had to learn lol. Everyone in college used cash pls forgive me

29 - Are there any TV shows that remind you of your grandparents for some reason? Not really.

30 - Have you ever had to wear a tie for school or work? If not, do you know how to tie a tie without looking it up? I had a necktie as part of my uniform in my old school. I never knew how to tie it and always asked someone else to do it for me whenever it came loose.

#survey #surveys #multiple surveys

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tiaragqueen · 5 years

Note

Hi!! I looove your writing it's amazing! Can I request a Y! Yoongi or Jungkook nerd story? Lile the OC has the worst grades of the class and the member has the best and manipulate the OC parents to let her go to the house of the yandere for summer classes so she will be with him? Or the OC needs the grades and he use that to his favor? Or something for the style? Thank you so much! I understand if you don't do it. I just love your work 💞

Up The Creek

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Min Yoongi x Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,3k

✂ Trigger Warning: Manipulation, obsessiveness, mentions of stalking

✂ This story is fictional and for amusement only. I don’t believe any of the members would do this in real life. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day!

Donot re-upload my writing to another website or use it without mypermission.

[Edited]

***

The amount of Yoongi stories that I’ve written compared to Jungkook ones is rather concerning, so I’ve decided to use my bias instead. And thanks hon! Glad you like my writing!

If you like mywriting, please support me on ko-fi!

“The art of pleasing is the art of deception.” - Luc De Clapiers

There were a lot of advantages to being an upperclassman. One, Yoongi could approach you – regardless of whether you were talking to other people, except the teachers – and instantly gain your full attention. Two, he could invite you to ‘hang out’ with him under the guise of a kind senior. Although his kindness was far from fake, the intention wasn’t that pure either. Third, he could get your phone number easily with slight embarrassment. And fourth, he could call you anytime he wanted.

Not all the time, though. But the urge did exist; more than he liked to admit.

But just like any other thing in this world, it had its disadvantages too. One, he couldn’t always contact you because it would seem weird for a senior to be overly concerned with your personal life. Two, you weren’t one who was always active in your social media. Three, due to his ‘status’, you couldn’t bring yourself to truly relax around him. And fourth, he wouldn’t often know about your condition. It was his wish to assist you in every problem that you might encounter in life; whether it is health or lesson that you didn’t particularly understand.

And this was one of them.

You sat on the bench, hair concealing your face. It had been like this since twenty minutes ago when Yoongi accidentally spotted you on his way home. He was getting concerned with your hunched posture, and the fact that you hadn’t once shifted. Surely you must be stiff from sitting like that for a long time. So, why didn’t you move? What could you possibly be thinking until you remained immobile like that? He didn’t know and desired to know the answer.

However, he lacked the courage to ask you.

Yes, Min Yoongi was too scared to approach his crush.

For those who knew, or at least acquainted, they would know that Yoongi had a certain confidence in him. It was a quiet kind of confidence; one that was barely noticeable, yet remarkable nonetheless. His aloof demeanor added to the mysterious aura that surrounded his very being, arousing a deep curiosity and fascination within people. Yoongi might not be the most famous boy in the school, but he also had several secret and, well, not-so-secret admirers.

Every day, several girls would come up to him and confessed their feelings. Sometimes, they even bought some presents in hopes of increasing their chances with him. And just like that stereotypical cold anime boy, he turned them all down. He did it without any regret, no qualm, and certainly no hesitation.

Because they weren’t you. They could never be you; the girl who had bought him a water bottle as a ‘congratulatory gift’ for his victory against Busan High School in the basketball competition.

People might deem it as something trivial – something forgettable – in which a junior treats their senior. It was odd since usually the latter treats the former. But to him, it was far from trivial. It was his first, real encounter with you and that gift worth more than those he’d received from his so-called admirers. He even preserved the bottle like it was a sacred thing in his room. No matter how many times his mother nagged him to throw it away, he refused to budge.

Taking a deep breath to calm his thumping chest, Yoongi slowly stepped out of the bushes he’d used as a makeshift cover to spy on you. His legs were a little wobbly from both nervousness and stiffness. However, it was nothing to compare to the raging concern inside him. Small, almost cat-like eyes watched your motionless figure in fear of you suddenly move and catch him off guard.

Frankly, it wasn’t the thought of catching him off guard that scared him, but you realizing that he had been monitoring and trying sneak up on you. He wouldn’t know what to do if the latter happens. Sure, he could easily play it off as a ‘coincidence’, yet his action proved otherwise.

Well, he just hoped that you wouldn’t notice. It would be troublesome to explain his–

“… Yoongi-seonbae?”

Oh, shit.

Yoongi froze on the spot, seeing you curiously peered over your shoulder. There was a brief, impromptu staring contest between you two before you broke it off with a smile.

“Are you heading home, Yoongi-seonbae?” you asked politely.

“Oh…” Yoongi quickly recomposed and coughed into his fist. “Yeah, I am. What are you doing here?”

Thank God, you didn’t notice. Good, that meant he didn’t have to lie to prove his ‘innocence’.

“Well…” The once amiable smile turned bitter as you glanced over the paper on your hands. “Just… sitting. Thinking.”

Yoongi decided to take the risk and gingerly sat beside you as if you were a timid animal ready to bounce away at any given moment. “Thinking about what, exactly?” he inquired.

Sighing, you showed the big, red F mark on the paper to him. “I flunked up my test,” you looked away, mentally preparing for the mockery or scolding that was soon to come. “Again.”

You knew that Yoongi wasn’t petty enough to tease you over a bad grade. No, he wasn’t that type of guy. But you were prepared to hear any kind of response, regardless if it was painful. You didn’t think your feelings could be hurt anymore.

[Least favorite subject] test, Yoongi noted. Gently, he took the result out of your grasp and examined it. There were many wrong answers, crossed with a red marker. And although he wasn’t the dumbest in class, he could see why you would struggle. It wasn’t that easy to comprehend, after all.

“Did your teacher say anything to you?” he asked.

You stared at your palms, trying to remember the crystal clear warning. “She said that… if I don’t raise my grade in three months, I won’t be able to join the final exam.”

“Is that so?”

You nodded solemnly. “I don’t know what to do, Yoongi-seonbae. I… I tried to study but it’s too hard.” Tears began to pool in your eyes when you recalled your parents’ disappointed and upset expressions. “Mrs. Kim said that I should get a tutor, but I don’t have much money to pay for them. I don’t want to fail…”

Tutor. You needed a tutor. And he would gladly do it for you, even though tutoring wasn’t a part of his agenda.

But hey, at least things were starting to look up now. Think about all the activities he could do with you. And besides, he could meet you more often without needing to conjure up an excuse, so that was certainly a plus.

A calculative glint appeared in his eyes as he regarded you. “I can tutor you.” he offered. “For free.”

You slowly looked up, shock etched on to your tear-stained features. “W-what? Are you serious, Yoongi-seonbae? You’re not joking, right?”

“I’m not. I’m serious.” Yoongi hardened his visage to appease your confusion and suspicion.

You tried to speak but the words remained stuck on your throat. “Yoongi-seonbae, I…” You blinked away the tears in your lashes. “I-I don’t know what to say. Thank you so much! I truly appreciate it.”

“But,” he held up a hand before you could fully express your happiness. Yoongi didn’t want you to think that you could get a free service from him without any catch. He wasn’t that selfless. “I get to decide on the schedule.”

You nodded, clenching your fists enthusiastically. “Of course! Anything you want, Yoongi-seonbae.” you beamed.

It was cruel to take advantage of your predicament, Yoongi knew that much. Had you know about his true motives, you would reject or – worse – be disgusted with him. But if it could bring him closer to you, then why should he pass up the chance?

Yoongi smiled and watched you ramble about the problems in [least favorite subject] contentedly. “I’ll surely enjoy my time with you, [Name]-ssi.”

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writing-for-amusement · 5 years

Text

Keep It Secret, 4

Summary: Ever since your soulmate told you to stop writing on your skin because they didn’t want to communicate, you did as they asked even though it hurt your heart. During the first day of your new job as an “emergency woman” on a film set, you forget your notepad and planner, so you have to write on your skin. When you’re then called to the makeup trailer to deal with an emergency, you meet Zendaya Coleman, with your supply list on her wrist. You vow to keep your status as her soulmate a secret, even if it hurts, because all you want is for her to be happy. Even if it’s to your detriment.

A/N: Okay, so, this chapter is a little short, but... I REALLY wanted to break it off where I did because I like to keep the suspense going lmaoo... Anyway, I hope you like this, I’m actually pretty content with how it turned out!!! Fun fact, I actually didn’t know how I wanted to do the cat, so I legit went on a pet adoption website to find inspiration!!!!

You can still get on any of my taglists!!!! Also, what do you think will happen next?????

Disclaimer: I do not know or claim to know Zendaya Coleman; I am essentially using her as a face/name claim to my fic idea. The same goes for the other people in this fic. That being said, I hope you like this!!!!!

Warnings: drunkenness, mention of vomit, a kitty cat, some angst, swearing

Word Count: 2023

Permanent Taglist: @pparkerwrites, @jordyns-library, @natblidaclexa, @peterseuphoria, @lesbian-x-blackwidow, @beccaboo929, @softrdj, @icecoldban

KIS Taglist: @hailqueenconquer, @imaginerequestpage, @adventurousbooknerd

Chapter 4

Zendaya kept looking at you with those perfect furrowed brows, her hair gently moving in the breeze. Internally, you were floundering for an answer, flipping back and forth between what your heart and soul wanted, and what you knew Zendaya wanted.

Externally, well, you hoped you didn’t look as panicked as you felt.

“Is it me?” Zendaya asked in a small voice.

You hadn’t thought anything could have hurt worse than your daily pain of being around her and not telling her. But this, this was much worse than that. Every atom in your body was screaming in pain, in anger, as Zendaya looked so sad, confused, and broken.

Your hands briefly reached out to take her by the shoulders to add emphasis to what you were about to say, but you let them fall back to your sides.

You bent slightly so you could look her in the eyes. Zendaya raised her gaze to yours and you gave her a pained smile.

“It’s not you, Zendaya,” you explained. “It’s not you, I promise. I promise that it really isn’t you, it’s me.” You inhaled shakily to steel your nerves. “Look, I, well, we—”

Jade suddenly laid on the horn, making you both jump in surprise. You whirled around to see her animatedly motioning for you to get going. Then, she rolled the window down and yelled in slightly slurred words, “Let’s goooooooooooooo!”

“Okay, Jade, Jesus Christ, just a minute!” you yelled back. After watching your friend slump back into the car, you turned back to your soulmate.

She was chuckling and that made your heart lift slightly. “Such a character,” she sighed lightly. Then, her eyes were back on yours.

“Zendaya, I promise, it’s not you. But I gotta go, okay? We… we can talk later, alright? I’ll see you next time you’re on set.”

“Okay, Y/N,” she said hesitantly. Then, her demeanor brightened. “Okay. I don’t know why, but I really believe you. I’ll see you soon, Y/N. Be safe driving.”

You smiled and nodded, turning back and getting in the car. Zendaya waved at you as you reversed and drove away.

“What took you so long?” Jade whined.

You sighed at her and shook your head. “Just relax. You’ll be with your cat before long. If you must know, Zendaya asked why I never let her touch me.”

Jade gasped dramatically. “What did you say?”

“Well, I was going to tell her the truth, until you butted in with a car horn!” you explained with frustration lining your voice.

“Oh no,” Jade breathed. “Oh no.”

You glanced at her and were about to reassure her, when you saw how white her face was. Quickly pulling over, you urged her to open the door and vomit out there. It might not be your car, but you knew you’d be the one to be cleaning it, and you definitely didn’t want to be driving with that scent.

Your phone chimed as your friend leaned out the door and released her stomach onto the pavement. Glancing at the notification, you saw that it was a message from Zendaya.

“Hey, I’m sorry for putting you on the spot like that,” the message said.

You dropped the phone into the empty cupholder and vowed to answer it once you got to Jade’s place. It seemed that the many daiquiris had finally caught up with Jade fully, as she was wobbling on her feet and slurring her words.

Thankfully, Jade didn’t throw up again as you helped her to her apartment. Her cat, an orange and white tabby named Cyborg, meowed from his spot on the back of the couch. He was named Cyborg because he only had one eye, but the other was a gorgeous green. Cyborg was the sweetest and most affectionate cat you’d ever met; he was also very chatty.

As you helped Jade through the apartment, Cyborg meowed loudly at you, following from a respectable distance. You nodded at him and hummed your understanding as you let Jade fall into her bed. He followed you as you went to the kitchen to get Jade a glass of water to drink before bed.

“I know, Cy, I know, she always leaves you alone,” you said sympathetically to the cat. After another meow, you said, “Well, if you want me to visit more, little kit-kat, you have to talk to your mama. I doubt she’d let me come in here willy-nilly.”

He gave a small mew.

“We can’t know what she’d say; your mama is a little crazy,” you explained as you bent down to rub his cute head. He purred loudly and licked your fingers briefly before following you back to Jade’s room.

“Drink,” you ordered as you brandished the cup at her. Jade, surprisingly obedient when this drunk, followed your command and drank it all in one gulp.

As you were tucking her in, Cyborg curled up in the crook of her knees, Jade muttered out, “I’m sorry I ruined your moment with Zendaya.”

“It’s alright, Jade,” you ruffled her hair. “You actually saved me.”

“No,” she argued gently, “you need to tell her. You need to tell her, or you’ll never become prom queen, Y/N.”

“Okay, Jade, whatever you say,” you chuckled. “Sleep time now.”

“Mmkay,” she said as she curled into her blankets. With an amused shake of your head, you kissed your friend’s forehead and left her room.

After plugging your phone in, you settled onto the couch with one of the blankets Jade hoarded for her couch. As you were drifting off to sleep, you shot straight up and snatched your phone from the table.

“It’s not your fault,” you typed out to Zendaya, “you do deserve an explanation, I just don’t know when I’ll be able to give it.” Then, after brief hesitation, you also sent, “I hope you sleep well, Z.”

Satisfied that you actually remembered to reply after dealing with a drunken Jade, you leaned back into the couch and fell asleep peacefully.

You woke up the next morning to a pounding on the front door and a weight on your chest. A loud purring vibrated through your chest and you saw that, of course, Cyborg was curled on your chest, content as can be. His eye was squinted shut in happiness, but it popped open as the knocking on the door picked up again.

“Okay, kit-kat,” you announced with sleep in your voice as you sat up. Holding the cat in your arms, you padded to the front door and looked out the peephole.

Standing on Jade’s porch was Zendaya, looking incredibly well-put-together for what was apparently 7:30 a.m. Her hair was tied back, she wasn’t wearing any makeup, and seeing her there made your heart pound in both a good way and a bad way.

Opening the door after maneuvering Cyborg as if you were cradling a piece of luggage with one arm, you said, “Zendaya, what are you doing here?”

“I got your text last night,” she explained as you let her in. Cyborg meowed from his comfortably limp place under your arm. “Who’s this?”

“Cyborg, Jade’s cat,” you replied, holding him up. He meowed loudly. “Haven’t you met him? Jade said you’ve visited before.”

Zendaya scratched the cat’s head and shrugged a shoulder. “I think he was in the hospital that night, getting the rest of his eye removed.”

You nodded in understanding before putting the cat on the ground. He wound around your legs and mewed softly. Looking up at Zendaya, you saw that she looked conflicted.

“Can we sit?” she asked, gesturing to the couch.

“Sure thing,” you said easily, picking the cat up again as you plopped on the couch. Zendaya sat down at the other end and pulled her knees to her chest.

“I’m gonna level with you,” she stated almost immediately. “I just… can’t get you out of my mind, and I don’t know why.”

“O-oh?” you asked, translating your nerves into petting the cat that was curled in your lap and purring like crazy.

“Yeah,” Zendaya said flatly, the confusion lacing her tone. She let out a growl as she ran her hands over her head. “I just don’t understand why, why you’re so enchanting to me.” She yanked her hair tie out of her hair. “Like, even when I’m not around you, I’m thinking about you, about what you’re doing, about if you’re smiling or not. I’ve never… never thought about someone like this before.”

“I… I’m really not that special,” you admitted with a half-smile and one shoulder shrug. Cyborg meowed as you stopped petting him, prompting you to continue.

“You are, though!” Zendaya said passionately. “You are just so bright and smart and clever and sweet and fuck, I don’t know! You’re just wonderful and,” she suddenly leaned closer to you, “and I feel like you feel a lot of the same things about me.

“When I noticed that other people touch you, but you always shy away from me, I had no idea I’d get so frustrated. I started testing it, you know… Every time you shied away from me, I got more and more hurt, more and more frustrated. And I can’t figure out why it bugs me so much. All I can think is… that you’re something special. There’s something about you, something that you won’t tell me about, but I want to know… I need to know.”

Your heart was pounding loudly in your ears as you ran your fingers through Cyborg’s long fur. You couldn’t look her in the eye because you knew that once you did, you wouldn’t be able to keep the secret anymore.

It’s what she wants.

“Y/N,” her gentle voice prompted you. “Please, talk to me.”

You swallowed nervously. “I,” your voice was dry as your mind and soul fought in the most intense boxing match of the century, “I’m worried that… if you know… you’ll hate me. That… That you won’t want anything to do with me.”

“Oh, Y/N,” she murmured your name. “Nothing about you could ever make me hate you. Please, just, just tell me what it is.”

You opened your mouth to speak, only to be interrupted again.

“Y/N, is your ass still here?” Jade’s loud voice demanded from the hallway. “If you took an Uber home, I’m gonna be so mad—” she cut off as she entered the living room and saw you and Zendaya on the couch.

“Hi, Jade,” Zendaya greeted awkwardly.

“Fuck,” Jade said plainly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I fucked it up again, didn’t I?” Her eyes, wide with panic, locked with yours. “Fuck, did I interrupt?”

“Yeah, Jade,” you informed her, “yeah, you did.”

“But, I mean, this is your house,” Zendaya added.

“That’s true,” you nodded, “it is your house.”

“Shit,” Jade whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt the whole confession again, I’m so sorry—”

“Jade!” you interrupted her, your eyes wide.

“R-right,” she muttered, taking a step back.

“How about we go onto the porch?” you offered to Zendaya.

“Y-yeah,” she seemed confused at your loud interruption. You rarely raised your voice like that; hell, you barely yelled across set.

You got up and dumped Cyborg’s relaxed body into Jade’s arms before nearly marching to the front porch. Zendaya followed a few steps behind you, still surprised at your abrupt, almost irritated actions.

You plopped into a chair and rested your arm on the armrest, laying your head into it. Under your breath, you muttered, “Fucking Jade and her shitty-ass timing…”

Zendaya laughed at your words, making you glance up as she sat on the porch swing. Jade was lucky with the house she had bought; she’d told you that it had needed a lot of work, but because of that, the price had been incredibly cheap for an LA suburb.

“Sit with me on the swing?” Zendaya asked hesitantly.

You hesitated slightly before nodding, getting up and sitting down on the swing. You internally winced as you felt like your weight made it creak almost ominously.

“So,” Zendaya prompted a bit nervously, “you were saying?”

#zendaya x plus size reader #zendaya x reader #zendaya coleman x reader #zendaya coleman x plus size reader #keep it secret fic #reader insert #plus size reader #please let me know what you think

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genderpunktheo · 5 years

Note

this might be too personal so i completely understand if you don’t want to answer this fully or not answer at all, but i’ve recently been watching videos on ppl’s budgets etc but a lot of them are female american influencers and while it’s interesting and useful to see how they do, i don’t understand how $3000 is an averaged monthly budget. only if you’re comfortable sharing i was wondering what your monthly budget or monthly spending is like as a british student and someone out of that sphere?

Sure, I don’t mind sharing!

So, as a student my tuition fees are covered by a government loan, I won’t bother including that cause it goes direct from the government to my uni and I never get to even see it.

I also receive a maintenance loan from the government three times a year - each one is supposed to cover about three months (the last three months are over the summer, we don’t get one for that since we’re not at uni).

My last payment for this was £1312 which sounds like it would be a lot but that basically covers my rent for the term - in fact, the last term it didn’t even do that, I paid my landlord £1400 which was October, November, December rent so I had to sort out the remainder from my own money. That includes water, electricity etc. (unless we overuse it but we never have so far). Rent is so low because I live in a student house with three other people.

These maintenance loans are means-tested based on how much your family earns - I get the lowest possible amount because the assumption is that my family earns enough to send me money to make up for it. However, because of various reasons (too private to share), my family aren’t able to do that so I just make do with what I’ve got (at least it pays my rent!! I’m very grateful for that).

In order to pay rent over the summer, I always aim to save £400 for July over the course of the year and then I pay £400 for August and £400 for September by having a summer job.

Last year I worked for half of July which paid me £556 at the end of August. I then worked full-time hours for the whole of August and got paid £1330 at the end of September for that.

Once summer rent was paid that then left me with £686, a large chunk of which went on my new camera for YouTube and the remainder I used to help pay for mine and my boyfriend’s anniversary trip to London. The camera was technically for work I suppose but still, I felt incredibly privileged to be in a position where I was able to do that - for the two years before, I would never have been able to make a purchase like that so it was pretty awesome!

So that rather long (sorry) explanation tells you how I sort out rent. As for everything else:

Most students I know pay for rent out of their loans and then pay for anything else with one of three things:

They have a really high loan amount and can live entirely off of that

Their families send them money

Or (the most common) they have to get a part-time job while at uni

So I’m I guess sort of in the part-time job crowd? But I’m unusual in that rather than working retail or something, I do create content and fund myself as best I can through that.

I make about £30 a month from Patreon which I am incredibly incredibly grateful for. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on how many new and deleted pledges happen that month.

I also get money from sales of X MARKS THE SPOT which again, varies a great deal. Usually, it’s £70 to £120 a month.

I do some freelance work here and there. The type I’ve been doing up until now was on sites like UpWork where you write something for a client on the site - usually CVs and things like that, or content for very small websites. I’m starting to get to the point now where I feel more confident pitching to more reputable sites and making a proper go of it but I haven’t got far with that yet. Freelance is the most variable thing I do. In good months I might get £200, in the worst months, I get nothing.

If you’re wondering whether I get money from YouTube - the answer is no, lmao. I did recently get monetised but so far that has yielded between £3 and £9 a month. You need a total of £80 to get a payout, so I still very much make videos just because I care about it!

So all of those things together amount to between £100 and £350 a month, after rent payments. Not very much at all - I could definitely have more if I got a more traditional part-time job but I choose to make do with less money because otherwise I wouldn’t have time to make this content and I do feel that what I do is important.

Because the amount is so varied, I make a big effort to save money during good months so that I don’t run into trouble during the bad months. Sometimes this still falls through and that’s when you’ll see me ask for some help on here - like when some lovely people sorted out for me to get a new binder (thank you!)

What I’m very good at is budgeting food. In my first year of uni I could manage £10-£15 a week during the months when I made the least (I had even less then). Now I live with my boyfriend so we haven’t had to worry so much until he lost his job last month. We spend between £25-£50 a week on food for the two of us depending on how well we’re doing and if we’ve run out of longer-lasting things.

I have a couple of extra bills per month £10 for Spotify, £4 for a NYT subscription and one I just started - £12 for a stock media site.

Anything else either goes into savings, pays for new clothes, snacks, occasionally going out with friends or other miscellaneous things.

I hope this is helpful/interesting! Sorry for rambling so much haha.

#budget #finances

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brynandchristopher · 4 years

Text

The (temporary) end of an era

Well, it’s certainly been a while since we last wrote. We apologize for the delay, we’ve been busy transitioning from New Zealand life to Australia in the last month or so, and then from Australia back to our homes in the last few days, and just haven’t gotten around to writing. But now we’re back! First and foremost, Chris and I are safe, happy, and healthy. It is a crazy time that we are living in right now, but so far we have remained physically unaffected by coronavirus and are keeping our fingers crossed that it remains that way. We are in good health and taking all of the necessary precautions to stay safe in this time of chaos and uncertainty.

In our last post, we had just bid Madeline farewell and were beginning the process of selling our van, Sweetie, in Christchurch. We gave ourselves ~2 weeks before departing to sell the van in hopes that would give us enough time to meet with prospective buyers and try to make some of our money back before taking off for Australia. In New Zealand, there is a bit of a boom and bust cycle in regards to van prices due to the major influx of backpackers at the beginning of the summer and mass exodus at the end of summer. Additionally, most backpackers take a similar route to the one we took - flying into Auckland, exploring the north island, heading down south, flying out of Christchurch - resulting in a huge supply of backpacker vans in Christchurch and not very much demand. We were aware of this cycle going into our trip and knew we wouldn’t get a full return on what we spent, but we were hopeful we could get at least half of our money back to put towards our next van in Australia. Our first few van showings were slightly disheartening. We received significant interest via buy/sell facebook pages and other websites where we posted ads, but when we met in person for test drives and viewings everyone seemed very nit-picky about small things that hadn’t mattered much to us. We soon realized that backpackers looking at vans at the end of the summer could afford to be selective because of how many vans were available to them at a low cost. We didn’t let them get us down though, and after 4 or 5 days of showings we met an Israeli couple around our age that was interested in buying Sweetie. Chris negotiated with them (definitely not my forté, Chris is the master haggler between the two of us) and we were able to get a little more than half of what we had spent. We spent a day driving around with them for a test drive, mechanical inspection, and eventually a transfer of ownership, and by that evening it was time for us to part with our beloved Sweetie. She was a real trooper and everything we could have asked for for our very first car, we felt lucky to have had no car problems for the whole 3 months (which cannot be said for many secondhand backpacker campervans). We were sad to see her go but happy to be leaving her in good hands for her next adventure :)

It was a relief to sell the van in the first few days of our arrival to Christchurch, but we soon realized we had a lot of time on our hands for the next 10 days without a vehicle to go anywhere beyond the city. We stayed in a hostel in central Christchurch for 3 nights and spent a few days exploring the sights of the city. We walked through the botanical gardens, visited the local museum, explored the shops, and hung out around the hostel. One day we went to a climbing gym and spent a few hours bouldering, a hobby that both Chris and I had missed since our travels began. Once our time in the hostel was up, Chris’ dad, John, helped us out with some points so we could stay at the Double Tree Inn for 2 nights. After living in a minivan for 3 months and then staying in a crowded hostel for a few nights, the Double Tree felt luxurious and plush. We were very grateful to be staying in a nice place for a few days and have a bit of a break from the backpacker lifestyle - thanks Wan :)

For the remainder of our time in Christchurch, we booked a cheap AirBnb on the outskirts of the city. We were beginning to get a bit restless - while Christchurch is nice enough, New Zealand isn’t exactly famous for it’s beautiful cities and we felt like we had explored most of what it had to offer. I spent most of our days there starting to look online for vans and jobs in Australia, and Chris played a lot of Pokémon ;) I had applied to a few live-in nanny jobs in Queensland, where we were hoping to post up for a few months to save up some money, and I heard back from the one Chris and I were most excited about. The family of 5 lived on 7 acres in a sleepy beach town called Kinka Beach about 7 hours north of Brisbane, and it seemed like we would be a good fit for what they were looking for. After a few emails back and forth, the mother, Olivia, and I spoke on the phone for a while to sort out the details and get to know each other a bit. Originally Olivia and her husband, Darren, weren’t looking to have a couple, but when we told them of Chris’ handyman/DIY construction experience, they figured they could use his help on some projects around their property in addition to my help with their 3 kids. We agreed on an arrival date in early April and planned to stay in touch until then. Before we knew it, our last night in New Zealand was upon us and we decided to celebrate by going out to dinner at a Chinese vegetarian restaurant a few blocks away from our AirBnb. We ordered a few different dishes, which were fantastic, and recounted all of the unforgettable memories we made in the beautiful country of New Zealand. It was a sad goodbye but we were looking forward to our next adventure in Australia.

At this point, the Coronavirus panic was beginning to ramp up. We were only experiencing it secondhand, as it hadn’t become a problem at all in New Zealand yet, so it didn't really feel real until we got to the airport. There were increased screening and security measures when we arrived to Australia, questions about where we’d travelled recently and separate lines for people who had been to China, Italy, Iran, or Dubai. This, of course, was only the tip of the iceberg and our nervousness about the situation began to increase. My parents were supposed to be visiting about a week after we arrived to Sydney and we weren’t sure what would happen in that time. Fortunately, we had a safe and isolated place to stay in Sydney for the week - my Dad’s childhood friend, Rob, lives in a beautiful downtown apartment in the heart of Sydney and was gracious enough to host us. For the first few days we got to know Rob over dinners and wine and he gave us advice for places to check out around the city. We walked through the beautiful botanic gardens, along the harbor to see the Sydney Opera House, and spent a day soaking up the sun at Bondi Beach. We were primarily in Sydney to start our hunt for a new van, so we met up with a few different sellers that we’d been in contact with to test drive and scope out our options. Because we would be living in this van for a longer period of time, we were hoping to upgrade on a few things that Sweetie didn’t have - a bit more space in the back, a high roof, and an indoor kitchen. We liked 1 or 2 of the ones we viewed in the first few days, but nothing was really checking all of the boxes that we were hoping for.

Three or four days into our time in Sydney, it became very apparent how seriously the world was reacting to Coronavirus. Everyone was being sent home from work, businesses were closing, and fewer and fewer people were out on the street each day. Before we knew it, travel restrictions and bans were being put in place by many countries, Australia being one of them. With very heavy hearts, my parents had to cancel their trip to come and visit us for 2+ weeks. We were all pretty heartbroken about the situation, all of us had been looking forward to the trip for months. I was craving a taste of comfort and home that I knew would come from spending time with my parents, and I knew how excited they were to take a much deserved break from work and go on a big adventure across the world. I soon found out that my sister, Maggie, was also going to surprise me and come along with them (I had suspicions all along (; ), which only made it harder. It was a major disappointment on both ends, but it was out of our hands.

Feeling a bit deflated and sad, we continued our search for the right van. When we came across a van that was everything we were looking for but a little bit out of our price range, we figured we might as well take a look at it and see if we could negotiate our way down. We met with the owner of the van, a Spanish guy named Edgar, who was trying to get out of the country as soon as possible because his visa was about to expire. The van was perfect, we fell in love with it immediately. It had a solar panel on top that powered a refrigerator, water pump for running water, power outlets, and cabin lights, had a whole indoor kitchen set up, and had a semi-high roof. It was in great mechanical condition and had very low kilometers compared to the majority of the vans we had looked at. We spent a day or two going back and forth with Edgar about the price and eventually we came to an agreement- we were now the proud owners of a 1999 fully outfitted Toyota Hiace Campervan! We named him Rollo, a viking name that we felt was well-suited for our van.

A day or two later, Chris and I went through a few hours of panic about coronavirus and whether or not we needed to make the difficult decision to end our trip and go home. It was poor timing to go through this decision making process, as we had just invested the majority of our money into a new home on wheels, but it was an option we knew we had to seriously consider before carrying on with our travel plans. We went through many different hypothetical scenarios, weighed all of the pros and cons, talked it out with friends and family, and eventually came to the decision that we would wait it out in Australia for now. The situation worldwide was changing every day and the uncertainty was scary - our first instinct is to be around our family in a time like this - but we knew we had a safe place to hunker down for a few months with our nannying family in Kinka Beach. With new border closures and travel restrictions being put into place, we decided we would leave Sydney and head straight for Kinka Beach without making many stops in between. Before we left, Rob recommended a hike close by in Royal National Park to the beautiful Figure Eight Pools. These series of pools were formed along a rock shelf of the coastline from centuries of pounding waves and receding tides. When the tide is low enough, you can walk out on the shelf and take a dip in the crystal clear waters of the Figure Eight Pools - take a look at our pictures and you’ll understand the name. We had never seen anything like them before, it was a really cool adventure. After swimming in the pools we spent a few hours on the beach before making our way back to Sydney. We had our last dinner with Rob and he was nice enough to send us off with a basket full of van-life essentials - we were beyond grateful for his hospitality and generosity over the course of the week and hoped to visit if we’re back in Sydney again :)

Chris and I hit the road and began our 3-day drive up the east coast of Australia. On our first day, we stopped in to visit with my great-Aunt, Nancy, who lives in Newcastle a few hours north of Sydney. I had never met Nancy, only heard about her secondhand from my Grandad and the rest of my Dad’s family, so I was very excited to finally get to meet her. Chris and I spent an hour or so with Nancy, chatting over tea and walking through her magnificent backyard garden. It was wonderful to meet her and exchange stories of our travels, I hope to stay in touch in the future. After saying our goodbyes, we continued our drive north. We felt a bit melancholy as we passed exit after exit for all of the places we were supposed to be staying at with my parents, but we were doing our best to stay positive. We knew how lucky we were to have found a beautiful new van and to have a safe place to go to in a time of crisis. We stayed overnight in free rest-stop campsites along the way and made it to Kinka Beach after 3 long days in the van.

Olivia and Darren, the parents, greeted us and we spent an hour or so getting to know each other and taking a look around their property. They own a coral selling business where they harvest small amounts of coral from the Great Barrier Reef and then propagate it in tanks on land to sell to aquarium owners, pet stores, etc. Their property had an old aquarium on it that they were going to convert into a coral-growing space because it already had the tanks and requirements needed for their business. The aquarium was accompanied by a giant concrete whale that you could go inside - it was as big as a house and definitely a trademark of the Kinka Beach area. It was a funky property but we liked it, and we got along well with Olivia and Darren. Because we had been in Sydney and traveling around, they asked us to keep our distance and self-isolate in our van on their property for the first week that we were there, which we of course were fine with. We spent the week going to the beach, stocking up on food essentials, and relaxing in the van. As much as we tried to keep our distance, the older two of the children were very curious about the two new van-dwellers on their property. They would sneak away from their parents to come and say hello, and took a liking to us right away. Our new names were ‘Nanny Chris’ and ‘Nanny Bryn’, it was very cute :) The week of isolation passed and Chris and I moved in to the family’s house. The family also had a separate unit on their property on the second floor of the aquarium that Chris and I were planning on moving into but it had some damage from a cyclone a few years back. Fixing up the separate unit was going to be Chris’ project for the few months that we were there, and he dove right in once we got settled. For the first few days I was with Olivia and the three kids - Henderson or ‘Hendo’ (4), Israel (2), and Kingsley (12 weeks) - playing in their blow up pool, jumping on the trampoline, reading books, and watching movies. The kids were adorable and (mostly) well-behaved, and Olivia and I got along great. I spent my birthday with the kids, and Chris and I snuck away during their nap to have a pizza beach picnic where he gave me a guitar!! I had expressed the desire to start learning throughout our travels and he remembered, it was a very sweet and thoughtful gift <3 The family surprised me with birthday cake and songs later that night and made my birthday feel special, even if it was under somewhat different circumstances than usual.

A day or two into the job, the same anxieties that Chris and I were having in Sydney began to creep back up on us. Coronavirus continued to ramp up, and our fears of being far from home grew with it. We worried about being stuck in Australia if they cancelled all outgoing flights and not being able to return to the US if family or friends got sick, or what would happen if we needed to be hospitalized abroad. Mostly we just felt scared, anxious, and homesick being in an unfamiliar place during a time of such panic and crisis, and it was seriously impacting our ability to enjoy our time there. The family had also asked that Chris didn’t get a job in the community, as they had young children and a baby, and wanted to limit potential exposure to the virus. This would mean we wouldn’t be making very much money, and we knew we needed to resupply our funds if we wanted to continue to travel. At the same time, we were scared by the prospect of traveling if we did decide to go home, which would mean exposing ourselves to airplanes and airports. It was risky and we didn’t want to bring the sickness home to anyone or put others at risk. After a few wrenching days of going back and forth about it and talking it through with Olivia and Darren, Chris and I made the difficult decision to sell the van and go home. It was a heartbreaking goodbye - the kids had begun to get attached to us, and us to them - but after lots of hugs we bid farewell and headed south towards Brisbane to sell Rollo. We stayed at a campground and arranged a few meetings with interested buyers, and after a day we made a quick sale to a Dutch backpacker couple. The next morning we were on a flight to Sydney, where we spent the night, and then carried on to San Francisco the following day. After the 13+ hour flight to California, Chris and I parted ways - I flew home to Boston and Chris to Salt Lake City. It feels strange and sad to be apart after spending literally every hour of the day together for 5+ months straight, but fortunately (and unfortunately, I suppose) we have quite a bit of experience with long-distance. We know it’s not forever and we are staying positive and looking forward to spending time with our families after being away for so long. Both of us are currently self-quarantining in our homes - I’m up in the creative room in my house for the next two weeks and Chris is confined to the basement at his house. We’re both feeling very lucky that our houses are set up in a way that allows us to be physically separate from our families while still being able to visit from across the yard or between rooms. We know not everyone being affected by coronavirus is afforded that same luxury, so we are counting our blessings and keeping ourselves busy for the next 14 days.

Unfortunately this will likely be our last blog post for a while. But don’t worry!! Our travels will continue once we’ve saved up a little more money, and we will be sure to post here when that time comes :) We are relieved and happy to be home and are looking forward to better and brighter days. Thank you to all of our friends and family who have kept up with our travels in the past 5 months, it has been filled with more joy, wonder, and adventure than we could have ever imagined. We feel so lucky to have people in our lives that we can share those experiences with, so thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Stay home, stay safe, and stay healthy!!

With love,

Bryn and Christopher

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umbillicalnoose · 5 years

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i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

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