#when my dad isn't surprised
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Y'all I admitted to my dad last night that I run this Byler blog bc unfortunately it was relevant to my OCD and trauma in a roundabout way, and he was like, "I'm not surprised honestly, I've noticed that you take their relationship extremely seriously" ??? 😭😭😭 And then he asked me if I was obsessed with Byler, or if I hyperfixate on their relationship and use it as an emotional support or a coping mechanism and I couldn't say no 💀 💀 💀
#caught in 4k#when my dad isn't surprised#that his mentally ill lesbian daughter#writes about the gays in her spare time#he gave me the “we been knew” look#my mom also wasn't shocked#they were like “is this not the standard for you” lmao#also tho i got to explain#why byler is so important to me#and how important will's happiness is to me#so my dad gets it a little more now#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#mike wheeler is a boykisser#mike wheeler is in love with will byers#mike wheeler is not straight#byler is endgame#mike wheeler is gay#byler brainrot#byler is canon#stranger things#st4#st5#gay mike wheeler#bi mike wheeler
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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It's always tempting to debate bigots about their bigotry, but honestly the best thing you can do is often to directly help those affected by said bigotry.
Bigotry doesn't exist to be debated. People who are bigots do not care about debate - they care about humiliating their opponents. You cannot outsmart somebody who doesn't give a flying fuck about their position being incorrect. You will be playing a completely different game by trying to debate somebody out of their bigotry.
The best thing you can do is to show up for the marginalized. Check in on them, talk to them, and engage with them as people. Ask them if they would like help and then respect their answer to the best of your capabilities. Oftentimes, that will be sufficient enough and will go a long way.
#ally advice#the bigot will not rely on trusted peer-reviewed sources. they will rely on charisma and charm and humiliating and degrading the other team#because a bigot doesn't believe in 'you go low and we go high'. like... they're bigots because they choose to go low#so they will use dirty tactics in order to absolutely obliterate your point because you aren't going to be playing the same game#this is why i don't debate transphobes. i will engage in conversation but i do not debate bigots anymore#like do y'all remember in 2016 when the online alt-r*ght started to grow exponentially? that's the same sort of thing#many people argue that debating bigots has the chance of bringing them over to your side but...#...personally i don't really value that as a *sole* strategy or something we should focus our energy on#i absolutely will never debate a bigot because i know the stakes and i know that they'd play dirty (especially if it is in front of others)#inspired by a conversation with my dad where he surprised me with his outlook and views#(i'd assume that we would disagree heavily but no... he actually pretty much completely agreed)#(which isn't a huge achievement BUT we are pretty different people with very different views at times)#(i'm a carbon copy of him but if he came back Wrong)
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I know you're gonna have drama in your 20s no matter what and I like hanging out with other trans people but it really feels like they're doing the fucking most, sometimes. Like no dude, I'm no secretly conspiring against you cus I shared drinks with a woman that I didn't even know was your shitty ex 3 goddamn years ago. Fucking calm down Greg it's socializing as a large primate.
#Bitches will act surprised when I say I'm stealth like man I don't want random motherfuckers treating me like a group therapist or their#fuckin dad over a bunch of bullshit. That shit is fucking annoying.#I intentionally don't out myself to anyone who isn't gonna be cool about it and sometimes that includes other trans people. This is my right#I'm not a fuckin escape fantasy man I'm a fuckin human being. I'm going to fumble bags sometimes. It's fucking life.
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hanamusa artist: (puts screenshots of the wiki pages for jessie and delia under several comics to prove their ages are 25 and 29)
me: surely this isn't necessary. it's in your FAQ, and people can't really be--
me: (looks at the comments of one such post)
me: (look at the comments of yet another one)
me: i think i give the internet too much credit sometimes
#the amount of people freaking the fuck out about delia having ash when she was 19 is doing permanent damage to my psyche#i don't know how to tell you this. but women have children young A LOT#sometimes because they want to and sometimes when they don't#acting like it's some moral evil isn't fucking helping anybody#like anti/fancop/etc mindsets are bad enough but this is such a weird thing to be nitpicky over when it happens irl ALL THE TIME#my mom was 33 when she had me but serzh's mom WAS 18 or 19 iirc#and i went to an independent study high school bc of my mental health and let me tell you#all the pregnant teens who can't/won't get abortions that you think aren't an issue#ARE IN THOSE SCHOOLS.#i made friends with one she was very nice. felt bad about what she was going through but it wasn't my business#like has the internet really poisoned people's brains so much that they just up and forgot pregnancy is a thing that can happen at any time#and a lot of women can't abort/don't want to abort/are convinced not to abort/think they can handle a baby at 19#maybe this isn't surprising. i don't know. i really didn't think this was an issue people had.#they're not even making disparaging comments about ash's deadbeat dad who would. you know. be the one who knocked her up at 19.#like it reeks of a moral judgement on DELIA? ARE YOU HIGH?#remind me to not read post comments#tox.txt
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The Last Of Us not making me realise Starbucks has been around since the SEVENTIES. I thought it was a late 2000s thing at most. When Ellie mentioned it I was like 'They had that in 2003?? Damn it's older than I thought...' But then. I looked it up. 70s dude. God I feel so young and dumb.
#I am 21#Starbucks is older than me#I deadass thought it was like. I knew it was before the 2010s but it became like popular then (I think)#So I just assumed it was a 2000s company#Nope#I wolda been 1 (Almost 2) when the outbreal started tbf so.#I do think I woulda lived tho#I think my dad woulda kept me and my sister alive.#If he didn't die because of flour or anything. He woulda genuinely be a beast in the apocalypse#My dad isn't a good person but God would he have made sure I was alive no matter what#Honestly he woulda thrived because of his lack of morals tbh#Dk why this surprised me sm it just did#Like I'm like yeah I know Maccies and stuff existed in the 70s. But Starbucks?? When she said it I was like. Okay 2000s then#90s at MOST#I was very wrong#Gen Z. I was born after 911 btw for some perspective#2001 but December baby so#TLOU#Idk if this is spoilers tbh but just in case#The Last Of Us Spoilers#TLOU Spoilers#The Last Of Us
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Because of where I live, I hardly ever have "wild encounters" with celebrities, and thus I still haven't stopped thinking about the time a year ago when I spotted the Irish comedian and presenter Dara O Briain at Gatwick airport.
#I am 99% sure it was him he's very distinctive looking and also quite tall#I would love to know how many other people around me also were thinking 'isnt that Dara O Briain?'#no one bothered him as far as I saw man was just tryna get through the queue at the airport#draco speaks#It's just funny to me being reminded that those sorts of 'celebrities' are still just normal people who do normal stuff#apparently I once sat opposite Chris Packham on a train but I was like 4 years old so I don't remember it#and it isn't surprising because we are from the same town and my dad actually knew him when they were children
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subtle comedy really is how SEGA games will dub their nameless npcs/characters its actually my fave thing
#snap chats#im talking about persona but obvi this applies to rgg too#SPECIFICALLY im cacklin over ryuji persona 5 being dubbed as a Vulgar Boy#like damn i guess youre right he kinda is a vulgar boy. but he's still my bestie so be nice to him please--#it just adds a lil personality and a lil comedy i appreciate#speaking of ryuji tho i rewatched his Y0 substory cause i just wanted a refresher and. man i love my boy#why tf he so obsessed with pants like they really took that One (1) line and ran with it its so funny#never getting over it like i didnt know ryuji was an Actual character when i first played Y0#so color me fuckin gobsmacked surprised when i'd play Y2 and i'd see this punkass like ???!?!?!!? BONTAN BOY??????#and yeah His Dad Isn't Any Regular Yakuza he the fuckin omi chairman jesus CHRIST#ok thats enough of my rambling bye
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kid at work: hey i need help with this hw question. how many cookies in a pack of 12 are peanut butter flavored if 1/3 of them are peanut butter flavored
me: well you take your starting number n multiply it by the fraction-- do you know how to multiply fractions yet?
kid: no
me: *pulling out scratch paper* well i don't know how to do this any other way so i guess it's time for you to learn
#their lesson was on equivalent fractions but like. how else are they supposed to solve the question when it's worded like that#i've said this before but the elder's pretty sharp so he's fun to work with#there are a surprising number of kids who do drop ins who can't yet read fluently#so i'm glad i have very strong memories of my dad sitting down with me n reading aloud with me n teaching me basic math#i thought they wouldn't show up again today so i brought my o chem hw LMAO#the worm speaks#teaching kids how to read n do instructions isn't as bad as i thought it would be
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i can ONLY assume xunfeng has been left kneeling for the past four hours as he’s waiting for his execution while his elder brother is having a mental breakdown
#and. AND shangque is right there going. yeah. our lord will be back#this is only what i can assume is going down#anyways love when shows meet my expectations when i guess what's going to happen#like yes! i understand the world you've built! and you're not making up bullshit to surprise me#anyways. turns out. burnign your notes does not work. your worst enemy is a plant fairy#changheng. honey. we haven't seen you in like three episodes. you good?#also. there are moments where Dongfang Qingcang reminds me of the scorpion king from the woh#it's just the side look!!! where they just. look unhinged!!!#however. i would describe xie wang as???? cute???????? i dunno man he was just??? cute#anyways. back to the main thing. their dad really dropped the ball#i know i know. ultimate weapon blah blah blah#but like? YO? you really want THAT running your country? someone who isn't allowed to care?#sure they're a good blade that can work wonders in wartime. but peacetime? press x to doubt#even more so in a setting much like this where immortals are you know. immortal.#anyways love and ADORE shangque. YES I WILL HELP MY LORD. EVEN IF I DIE. TO HELP HIM#power of trust and honesty runs this man. and this man has been GOIN
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The Curse of The Television Shows of Bear McCreary
#ramblings#everything in the world for a hundred years STOP showing me this!#you can block tags with surprising efficacy even on this twine-and-sticks website but how do I PREVENT IT in real life#open up the music website THERE IT IS talk to my dad THERE IT IS reading the newspaper THERE IT IS#THERE IT IS AGAIN in the biscuit-eating CRAFT STORE when will it END for MOTHMAN'S SAKE#biting and biting and biting and BITING HELL and DAMNATION and DOOM and MISERY and PLAGUE and LOCUSTS#one THOUSAND MILLION LOCUSTS unto whoever thought it was HAHA FUN AND MANY DOLLARS#to release TIE-IN KNITTING PATTERNS for your SERIES OF TELEVISIÓNS#ooer. goo Night.#isn't even the pirate show thsi time. the curse the curse the CURSE.
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For me the funniest thing to come out of the goncharov meme was not any of the fake scenes or the nyt articles about it or whatever but the fact that due to the fact that he'd found it funny when I told him about it I got my dad several books by ivan goncharov for christmas that year as a joke fully expecting him to not even touch them BUT to everyone's surprise he read every single one cover to cover and liked them so much that he read dostoevsky and then read tolstoy and then pushkin and then gogol and now barely reads anything that isn't nineteenth century russian literature and also has started watching academic talks about crime and punishment and will randomly bring up shit like the politics present in bulgakov's writing in at LEAST half of our conversations. all because of goncharov
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vent(ignore)
#day five heightened anxiety wherein i spend hours trying not to ruminate via redirection and distractions#god i'm tired#it was only a couple of things at first#but now my brain is throwing bad things at me one by one#i imagine the stress induced dreams i've been waking up from the last four days aren't helping either#i'm crying about nothing and everything again a little bit now#it sucks#i should be stronger#i should be better at it than this by now#i'm home and no one's talking to me#so now my brain is going crazy with old pains#very cool#isn't crazy how the people that are supposed to protect you can break you down so easily?#dad taught me fear#the fear of being a filure#of not be good enough#he showed me that love was conditional#something that needed to be earned and should not be assumes#i am unloveable#you were always saying that with ur actions#maybe i would've believed it less had i many friends or wasn't being being bullied at school or ignored entirely like i didn't exsit#you taught me how to be nothing#to feel small#how to disappear completely in a crowd of people#remember when you were angry and instructed me to stand up against the wall?#i did what you said without hesitance#so terrified i didn't take a moment to question#i remember things seem slowed for a moment your eyes blazed red orange yellow with fire as your arm went for my throat#i'm not even sure the gesture surprised me but i remember gooing stiff in your arms#i remember thinking you would kill me
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━━ ❝ it's sticky, toshi... ❞
ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...synopsis : you help ushijima finally realize that he's got a breeding kink
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...cw : u. wakatoshi x fem!reader, dirty talk, messy and wet, teasing, marathon sex, pet names, breeding kink, talks of pregnancy, ushijima can't stop cumming
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...lunar's note : haikyuu save me, save me ushijima wakatoshi, SAVE ME !! anyways hi i spent 150$ on ushijima merch yesterday and i don't regret it, so say hello to my haikyuu phase coming back !!!
ushijima having a breeding kink isn't a surprise to you at all.
what is surprising is how long it takes for him to figure it out.
sure, at first it wasn't clear, but after being with him for so long, you quickly pick up on whenever he'd mutter in your ear as he slid his stupidly big cock inside of you, saying how badly he wished he could cum inside of you instead in the condom.
afterwards, he's so focused on cleaning you up and making sure you felt good and satisfied, you don't get a chance to question him on it. not that you were complaining, ushijima is so cute when he's asking if you need anything and constantly reminds you to get up and go use the bathroom.
it's even cuter when he realizes you can't walk.
"ah. i'm sorry, i didn't realize how hard i went...here, let me help."
eventually, you to suggest things to ushijima, trying to test out the waters with him.
you start by just asking if he’d want to fuck you without the condom, what he thought about cumming inside, even jokingly saying you’d make him a dad one day.
but it seems like that last part was swimming around his head for a while...he can't get the thought of you getting chubby and round with his kid out of your head. and knowing he'd be able to take care of you all the time? that thought alone made him shiver a little.
what can he say, he loves doting on you more than anything.
however, you aren't expecting the way he reacted weeks after dealing with your teasing and questioning, fueling the thoughts swirling inside his head.
"toshi, if you ever cum inside me, you should set it as your phone background! actually, wait, no, because what if your teammates see it..."
"..."
"mm, maybe a video instead? ooh, yeah, i want a video of you cumming in me then pullin' out so i can see it spill out, toshtosh, would you do that f' me?"
he doesn't reply and doesn't give you a chance to comment again. the visual you painted in his mind just too much for him.
next thing you know, ushi's got you folded in half on the bed, making sure you feel every drag of his stupidly fat cock against your hot gummy walls. he's pulling out to just the tip before slamming back inside you, groaning each time you let out a whimper of his name or squeeze down on him.
"toshi, t-toshi! h-hoohmygod, please, baby, c-calm down, 'm sorry f' teasin', oh my goddd...!"
you're so fucking wet and noisy, he wants to make you be quiet because he feels like your going to make him cum too fast but he'd never ever do it as the thought of not being able to hear you is painful.
he's lost track of time, your cunt making him brainless as he pumps his cock in and out of you as he groans your name, one of his hands pinning your arms to your back while the other presses your head into the pillows.
"s-shhh, honey, let...let me make you feel good, y're so loud..."
it's so fucking messy and sloppy, his cum is dripping out of your tight pussy from how many times he’s emptied his load into you, but he still isn’t stopping, no, he can't. it’s leaking from between your thighs, leaving a milky white sheen on his dick, dripping down onto the bedsheets.
"m-mmh, nooo, toshi, don' wanna be quiet, i-i wan' you to hear how good you make me feel, baby," you purr between moans, knowing that your voice was enough to get him off. the throb of his dick inside of you told you that you were right.
“i...i thought 'bout fucking you like this all day, during practice…that i’d fuck you full of my cum, get it so deep inside you," he mutters with a grunt, moving his hands off you so he could drape himself over your back.
"f-fuck, everyone knew something was off, kageyama kept asking me if-if was okay, how 'm i 'posed to tell him my pretty little honey is waiting at home for me to fill them with my cum?”
with an affirming coo, you manage to tilt your head to the side to look over your shoulder, wanting to see how ushijima is holding up and god, the sight is so sinful.
ushijima's dripping in sweat, his bottom lip swollen and puffy from his teeth digging into it. his fluffy hair is messy and sticking to his damp forehead, and his eyes are shut, squeezing in pleasure when the head of his cock brushed against that sweet spot just right, making your cunt spasm around him.
but his eyes keep opening to see the mess between the both of you. each thrust causes his cum to spill out around him, loud, wet squelches filling the bedroom. and it's only fueling his need to fill you up again, and again, and again, until he can’t anymore.
ushijima can’t stop himself, flipping you over onto your back and folding you into a mating press and, god, he's so fucking happy he did. the way you sob his name, your nails clawing at his back as you cry in pleasure about how much deeper he is now driving him insane.
“t-toshi, cum in me, please, wanna make you a daddy, please.”
“I know, baby, I’ll give you all of it, fuck you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”
fuck, he’s so loud, he sounds so good. ushi's deep, drawn out groans and pants of your name making you go dizzy, his big hands squeezing your waist tightly each time your hands tug at his hair.
“mm, fuck, that’s right, take all my cum, look at you, so good, can you take more? let...let me cum in you again, baby, you promised you’d make me a daddy, right? i-i need to make sure it sticks.”
all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work
#ushijima x reader#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima smut#ushijima wakatoshi smut#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#ushijima x you#ushijima wakatoshi x you#haikyuu smut#hq x reader#hq smut#hq x you#🍉 ── wakatoshi.#˗ˏˋ ★ lxnarworks .ᐟ
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GOJO SATORU: THINK I NEED SOMEONE OLDER
✩ ‧ ˚. synopsis: what do you do when your boyfriend cheats? you go to his house and look for revenge, and you get it by fucking his dad! NSFW
contents: fem!reader. age gap, blowjob, praise, degradation, use of slut, slight dumbification, dirty talk, and possibly more. 2.6K words.
you should've known that dating a rich boy came with more than just the money—it came with a shitty boyfriend too.
as you walk to his house, rain falling in your eyes, you curse every time he had you do his homework, his bills, even his fucking laundry. that's what you get for dating the spoiled heir to the massive gojo fortune.
you step onto the gojo estate's porch, wondering what possessed you to come all the way here in the middle of the night without an umbrella. thank god you still had the key your ex had given you, since he was too stupid to remember to take it back after he dumped you.
hands shaking from the cold, you slip the key into the lock and turn, a small smile dancing across your lips when it opens as easily as your ex's legs. he was probably out fucking another girl right now, if the pictures on his instagram story were any hint of his whereabouts.
you push the door open with your shoulder and dry your feet on the doormat. his parents are never home, and it's late enough for the staff to have all gone back to their quarters. besides, even if one or two were still here, they probably didn't know you weren't their spoiled brat's girlfriend anymore.
humming the post-breakup revenge song you'd been listening to for the past hour, you tie up your hair and look around. the only reason you walked all the way here in the middle of a dark, stormy night was for revenge, and you weren't leaving without it.
on the way to your ex's room, you stop in one of the bathrooms to dry off. rainwater slides off your body as you wring out your hair in the sink, water dripping down your wrist as you do so.
you walk the familiar path to your ex's room, rolling your eyes when you see a bra on the floor that definitely isn't yours. funnily enough, you aren't surprised. there's no hurt, no sadness, just disgust. your suspicions were right—he was fucking other girls while the two of you dated.
a sigh slips through your lips as you look around his room. it's messy, even with the help from the gojo estate's numerous staff. they say bigger rooms naturally look cleaner, and yet your ex's room still manages to mirror his mind—filthy.
you're so immersed in the thousand ideas you have to ruin your ex's life that when a deep, sleep-ridden voice asks you what the fuck you're doing in his house, you nearly jump out of your skin.
you spin around, words caught in your throat when you come face-to-face with satoru gojo, your ex-boyfriend's dad and the infamous head of the gojo family.
it's more than shameful that the first thought you have is that shit, he's hot. you've met before, but it was only in passing. satoru's never around, and the extent of your relationship was a brief nod as he passed you in one of the many passageways in the gojo estate. in fact, you aren't entirely sure if he even knows who you are.
satoru gojo's well-known in japan—not only is he the reason the gojo family has its reputation, but he's made quite a name for himself by being the most affluent and handsome of them all.
you've heard stories about him back in his prime. most sound too far-fetched to be true, but the photos of him in his twenties that resurface from time-to-time make good material for your late-night fantasies.
and satoru's even more intimidating in person. he's easily over six feet tall with well-defined muscles, and he's the definition of a dilf. he's probably twice your age, but the glint in his eyes and casual arrogance in his stance makes him all the more attractive.
it's a shame his son is such a dickhead.
"are you one of my son's whores?" satoru asks dryly, eying the bra on the floor. you scowl and kick it away, a soft huff slipping through your lips.
"no, i'm— wait, he never told you?" you cut yourself off with the question, a hint of incredulous disbelief in your tone.
satoru shrugs, reaching up to ruffle his hair. his shirt slides up just enough to expose his abs, which are really fucking hot by any standards. "if you're asking about my son, he thankfully leaves me out of his sex life," he says amusedly. "so, who are you? and what the hell are you doing in my house this late?"
"i—" well, you couldn't just say you were here to ruin his son's life. "uh, i'm his... girlfriend."
satoru barks out a laugh, looking down at you through his long, white eyelashes. "really? you sure you're dating my son?"
you narrow your eyes and nod. satoru shakes his head, slipping one of his hands in his pocket and gesturing to the bra on the floor with the other. "either you aren't his girlfriend or you just found out he's cheating. which is it?"
well, you tried. "both." satoru raises his eyebrows at that and takes a seat on the chair across from his son's bed, exhaling as he does so.
"so, sweetheart, what's the story?" he asks, a bored expression on his face. he leans back and spreads his legs enough for you to wonder what it'd be like to be in between them.
not sensing that you really have a choice, you sit on the corner of his son's bed and start explaining. at first, you sugarcoat his son's actions, not wanting to sound like a whiny brat, but at one point he interjects with a sigh.
"i know my son," he says dryly, brushing his floppy white hair out of his eyes. "and i also know a liar when i see one."
"s' that so?" you mutter under your breath, ignoring the way satoru's eyes narrow at your side comment. from then on, you list every detail of just how shitty your ex was to you. you tell satoru how his son made you fold his clothes, how he dragged you to parties even when you swore you had homework, how he'd make you fu—
you stop there, not wanting to divulge every detail of your sex life. sure, your ex forced you to fuck him every night in every way he knew existed from watching porn, but that wasn't for his dad to know.
satoru, who's been listening intently for the last five minutes, studies your irritated expression thoughtfully. rather than comment on the way you suddenly stopped ranting, he asks, "so you're here for revenge?"
you nod, crossing your legs. satoru eyes you for another second before placing his hands on his knees and standing up with a soft grunt. "do whatever you want, but i want you out of my house in fifteen minutes. and whatever you do stays in this room. no fire."
satoru looks down at you and raises an eyebrow. "is that clear?"
it would be easier to agree if satoru wasn't looking down at you with an expression like that on his face. it's somewhere between mild irritation and disgust—whether it's directed at you or his son, you're not sure, but he probably has better things to do than listen to some girl's breakup story. so you nod, and satoru starts to leave.
just before he steps out the door, you think of a really fucking insane idea—one that would absolutely shatter your ex. and for some reason, you say it out loud.
"you should fuck me."
oh my god.
satoru turns around slowly, hand clenched around his phone. "the fuck?"
you swallow, eyes wide and a stupid grin plastered on your face. "shit, i—" you were ready to apologize for just about every word you've ever said, but satoru holds up his hand before you can start, cutting you off.
he scoffs, blue eyes glimmering with either amusement or annoyance. "you really are a piece of work, aren't ya?" satoru narrows his eyes, surveying you critically. his gaze settles on the way your shaky hands, and you hide them behind your back self consciously.
"you want me to fuck you on my son's bed?" he says dryly, stifling a laugh. when you force yourself to nod, he grins. "not bad, sweetheart. not bad at all."
"i-is that a yes?" you hate yourself for stuttering, but it makes satoru laugh.
"sure, why not?" he says, walking over to where you're still sitting on his son's bed and resting a hand on your shoulder. satoru rubs the side of your neck with his thumb, cerulean eyes fixed on your lips. "might be about time to teach my son a lesson anyways."
satoru's agreement surprises you enough to make your mouth fall open, and soon enough, his dick replaces the empty space between your lips.
"shit, you're takin' me so good, baby," satoru groans, hand tangled in your hair as he pushes his dick deeper into your throat. "yeah, that's it, jus' like tha— fuck," he cuts himself off with a breathy laugh as you nearly choke.
he's big, way bigger than your ex, and you wonder how his dad's big dick gene skipped him. and even better, satoru's skilled too. he knows how to fuck you good, and you can tell that it's from experience, not from watching porn—unlike his lame excuse of a son.
"tell me, sweetheart," satoru drawls, looking down at you with a cheeky smile. "was my son half as good as i am in bed?"
when you shake your head no, satoru clicks his tongue in disapproval. "shit, now y're gonna expect every guy you fuck with to be as good as me. well, sorry 'bout that, because they aren't."
at least you know where his son gets his arrogance from.
it's getting a little hard to breathe, especially since you have ten inches of dick shoved down your throat. despite all satoru's talk, you can tell that he's getting close to cumming down your throat—his eyes are twitching and his breaths are starting to become more and more shaky as you suck him off. soon enough, the coil in his stomach snaps and he cums, cursing and praising you as he does. satoru's grip on your hair tightens, and it's borderline painful as he tugs you deeper by the hair.
"shit, that was the best head i've had in a while," he groans after his breathing starts to go back to normal. satoru grins at you, shaking his head and pinning you on your back on the bed.
"you've already been fucked by a gojo here, haven't you?" satoru cooes, tracing your jawline with one of his fingers. "tch, i'll fuck you better than my shithead son ever could. show ya the reason we gojos have a reputation for our dicks."
and fuck, he does. after quickly making you cum on his fingers with the excuse of loosening you up, he roughly shoves his dick in your already-throbbing pussy with a grin. he's so fucking big that you've convinced he's gonna rip you in half.
"g-gojo, i can't—"
"sure y'can," he cuts you off, jaw tightening as you tighten around him. "fuckin' hell, you're just tight as a virgin. my son must be shit in bed, yeah?"
"mhm," you hum, tilting back your head and gasping for air as you feel your body heat up. "shit— right there—"
satoru grins, dipping his head and meeting your tear-lidded eyes. he's far from gentle—it's barely been a couple minutes and your back is already in the highest arch of your life, and it's hard to form coherent thoughts as satoru continues bullying his cock into your pussy.
you lose track of time easily—fuck, you forget there's even a world outside of whatever this is. at some point your tongue falls out of your mouth, lolling to the side as your eyes roll back—just a dumb slut for satoru; or at least that's what he calls you.
as you approach what must be the hundredth orgasm of the night, satoru asks you to say his name. it's almost embarrassing how much effort it is to say—he's fucked you dumb enough to the point where you're a babbling mess.
"shit, you can't even talk," satoru says with a grin, flicking your forehead playfully. "cute." he rests his elbow by your head and shoves his hand over your mouth, amusement dancing in his eyes. "you talk too much anyways, princess. take a break."
you whine against his hand and satoru shakes his head, a faux pout on his face. "c'mon, it's not like you can talk anyways," he tsks. his next thrust is particularly rough, and you can't seem to remember who the name of the dickhead who got you in this situation—what was your ex's name again? does it matter?
"yeah i can" you mumble, voice muffled by satoru's hand. when his pout deepens, you can't help but giggle, a sound that soon turns to a squeal when he pushes the side of your face into the mattress.
"what's so funny?" satoru grumbles, dipping his head and pressing his lips against the hand seperating your mouth from his. satoru's glimmering eyes are fixed on yours as a cheeky smile spreads across his face. "fine then."
he pulls out, cursing under his breath as he presses his back to the headboard. satoru ignores the hm? that slips out of your lips and removes his hand from your mouth, resting it on his dick instead and stroking it with a smirk. "what is it, princess?"
"wha— why'd you stop?"
satoru lifts his other wrist, studying the watch on it and turning his hand so you can see too. your vision is still so fucked up that the numbers look like swimming otters, but you can vaguely make out the time.
"it's been fifteen minutes, kid. time to go."
your mouth falls open and you sit up, still breathing heavily. one second you're having the best sex of your life, and the next your ex's dad is calling you kid and telling you it's time to go?
"not fair," you mumble, pulling your legs into your chest and resting your head on your knees. "that was a stupid time limit," you huff, chest heaving. "i couldn't have done anything to him in fifteen minutes anyways."
satoru snorts, stretching his arms and resting his hands behind his head. "i'd say we did something in those fifteen minutes," he says dryly, white hair falling into his eyes.
"hmph."
satoru raises his eyebrows, biting the inside of his lip as he continues stroking himself. you notice the way his abs flex and tense the closer he gets; something that shouldn't be as attractive as it is.
"can't believe my dumbass son fucked up so badly with a girl like you," he groans after a minute, back resting against the headboard as he continues stroking his dick. "won't be seein' you around here again, huh?"
you blink, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as satoru eyes you intently. "what d'you mean?"
before satoru can answer, the two of you hear footsteps, and before either of you can do anything, standing in the doorway to his own room is your ex, a giggling girl on his arm. the faint scent of alcohol floods through your nose as they stumble in, and it's all you can do to stop yourself from laughing when your ex sees that his bed is already occupied.
"why the hell is my dad in bed with my ex-girlfriend?!"
#osaemu#gojo smut#jjk smut#satoru gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x you#jjk x you#satoru gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x y/n#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo drabbles#jjk drabbles
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the pillars gods are so good though
i mean they're all fucking terrible people but
they're so good
#and i'd have loved to vote for my fav for least problematic#but that would be A Lie#love u feisty pile of eyeballs keep on truckin#i'm surprised the goat isn't higher on the most list#but i guess he kind of minds his own business#when hes not you know FUCKING OVER AN ENTIRE RACE OF PEOPLE FOR ALL ETERNITY#I HATE YOU GOAT DAD
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