#when me and my toxic ex broke up every time sense that I’ve talked about dating again she always refers to future relationships as a guy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

becomingbts · 4 years ago

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Time heals (sometimes) - 1

Summary: 6 years ago, (Y/N) thought that she was finally taking her life into her hands, leaving behind a toxic and abusive relationship with a man who taught her she’d never be worthy of love. However, it became hard to ignore his words when she met her seven soulmates who rejected her without even giving her a chance to prove herself. It took (Y/N) 3 years to realize that it wouldn’t be her end. She would live on to prove them all wrong; she would become what they all thought she wasn’t: someone worthy of love. And as she stands proudly on the stage, under the burning spotlights and the applause and the cries of the delirious crowd, she feels alive. Alive, just like the bond she believed to be broken.

Pairings: Y/N x OT7

GENRE: Soulmate AU!, Idol Y/NAU!, semi social-media AU!, ANGST (mainly), fluff, romance, maybe smut in the series.

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1.5k

Warnings: The series is going to be heavy with a lot of personal experiences mixed into the fiction, so this is going to be kind of therapeutic for me. Please, consider not reading the series if you are not comfortable with: abandonment issues, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, self-harm (not descriptive and only part of MC’s past), suicide thoughts (in the past), toxic behavior, toxic and abusive relationship (in the past), depreciating self-talk and low self-esteem, a lot of curse, physical and mental pain, near death experience situation (in the past), and maybe smut scenes (happy ending though, but it will probably be quite the ride).

NOTE: So hello everyone, welcome to Time Heals (sometimes). Thank you so, so much for the warm welcoming, it has been my first time getting so many asks, I was honestly overjoyed. I still don’t really know what to call this part; is it a teaser? A note? A full chapter? I believe we’ll get some snapshot of memories like this one throughout the series because there is going to be a lot to unpack on both sides. I think it will be a chapter nevertheless because I have to establish some kind of order as to which parts should be read first, and I think this one is extremely important.

Thank you for reading,

-Dolly

Profiles #2 - here - part 2

Her scream pierced through the air while cries broke in the frenzied arena while a single blond-haired man froze, emptily staring at the stage. It felt like his senses heightened; his skin was shuddering, his eyes were frantically searching for one specific figure while his voice was lost in his throat. The screams resonating in the stadium would have been too loud for his voice to be heard anyway.

Jimin knew he shouldn’t be there.

Namjoon had told them more than once that none of them should try to go to one of (Y/N)’s events. It could be dangerous and they could be overwhelmed; anything could happen to them and they would still remain a nobody who fainted in the howling crowd. Would they want to take this risk? No.

So, Jimin would have had to admit that going to her very first concert in Seoul since the pandemic sounded like a very, very, very bad idea. And to be honest, it still didn’t seem to be a bright idea now that he was actually there.

But he still went because he needed to see her for himself; to see how she was. He had so many things he dreamed about asking her. Are you okay? Are you sleeping well? Did you eat before coming to the arena? Are you nervous? Do you... remember me?

Maybe he was torturing himself. He kept on watching her lives, following her on all social media, always made sure to leave a sweet comment, and never miss any of her new updates... Maybe he even had a folder of pictures of her on his phone but he’d never admit it to any of his mates. Taehyung would probably take his phone away from him and delete everything and Jimin couldn’t let that happen.

He felt like it was cheating. Don’t take him wrong though. When he thought that, he was not really thinking about the boys. They did collectively agree not to follow her activities as an artist but it was getting harder and harder with how popular she got anyway. Moon was everywhere. In commercials, on the radio, her songs were on the TV… Even if she was known for refusing most of the promotional contracts that were offered to her, her image was still constantly in the media despite her avoidance of it. Ironic, but the media were trying their best to find anything about her, be it positive or negative. One day she was seen on her bike, the next, she was in a coffee shop, and it kept on going on, overstepping on her privacy as if it was just a meaningless word.

The lockdown had admittedly played a major part in Jimin’s obsession. Being in their apartment meant quickly running out of activities, and his job as a dance teacher was not really filling his free time (a lot of his classes were also canceled). It was also during that time that (Y/N) truly blew up as an independent artist. Advertisement on YouTube started being around her channel and her music, the recommendations he kept on seeing were about also her… Jimin’s resolve honestly broke easily. It was hard not to be curious about his lost soulmate even though he didn’t feel like he had the right to be hurting.

Anyway, to come back to his main point, if Jimin felt like he was cheating; it was mostly for her. After all, (Y/N) had no means of letting the curiosity get the best of her, to know what they were doing; to simply see or contact them. He had, at first, not really thought about that. Watching her content seemed a very innocent thing to do in his opinion; billions of people were watching her content, why should he prevent himself from doing so? Yet, Jimin could still remember one of her live she did soon after that interview she had given on this damned radio show where she had revealed who her title track ‘TIME’ was about… She had gone live the next day-Jimin had jumped on his phone because of the notification-and one fan had asked her what would she do if she knew that her ‘ex-soulmates’ (and those words left a very sour taste in Jimin’s mind) were watching her. The question had silenced a previously restless Jimin, replacing his initial excitation with dread while a lump formed itself in his throat. He had not even noticed it; he was so focused on her live and her upcoming answer that Jimin had completely missed the sound of a glass breaking in the apartment. Jimin had been home alone, so even if had indeed heard it, he probably wouldn’t have bothered to check what had happened, thinking that the wind knocked it over or something. Jimin had been so absorbed by what he had been watching that he even got surprised a few hours later when Seokjin came home and yelled at him for breaking something when he had been clearly innocent, engrossed in (Y/N)’s live (not that he could tell his soulmates about that part, but yeah). (Y/N)’s live would always be more important than some random glass breaking again in their apartment. Every object was doomed with Namjoon living here anyway.

On her side of the screen though, (Y/N) had seemed taken aback as she had read the question and had gritted her teeth gently. She had seemed to be pondering about her answer even though a lot of people in her chat were telling her to forget about the question if it made her uncomfortable (a lot were even scolding the person who asked). Yet, sighing softly, she had looked up at the screen:

“I’d appreciate it if you could refrain from asking questions on this topic. It’s not taboo but I’d rather not remember everything that comes with it. However, to answer this-hopefully-last question about it, I’d ask them to turn off my stream and to stop watching any of my content. It would only be fair after all. I’ve been denied access to their lives six years ago, why would they get a free pass into mine now?” She had not smiled nor had she seemed hurt by her own comment, yet Jimin’s heart had shattered in pieces, unable to press the cancel button.

Her voice had slowly faded into background noise while her words had been stuck in his head.

I’d ask them to turn off my stream and to stop watching any of my content.

How could Jimin ever do that? He realized that he truly should. Namjoon would even agree with you, as ironic as it sounded for Jimin. Namjoon had been one of the most adamant ones about rejecting your bond, after all. Jimin was shaking with bitterness while ‘Moon’ continued her stream peacefully with music. Jimin could only try to gulp his anger down as he remembered her crumbling features on that fateful day.

“You’re not our soulmates. This name on our arms means nothing to us. You are nothing to us if not a hindrance. Leave us alone.”

If Jimin could go back in time, he’d prevent Taehyung from spatting those words at her. Yet, he couldn’t do anything. Playing the scene over and over in his mind wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change that she probably hated them. It wouldn’t change the song she made about them.

And worst of all, it wouldn’t change the fact that Jimin had let himself believe that their choice had been for the best, trying to console and reassure himself, even if he had already known that it was wrong. Tears were pooling up in his eyes even if none escaped as he finally caught a glimpse of her on the stage. Suddenly brought back to reality after his subconscious memory trip, Jimin finally connected back to the world, looking around while he was still frozen on his spot. People were still screaming around him and he wondered if he looked like an intruder. Because, after all, wasn’t that what he exactly was? She said it herself that she didn’t wish for them to watch her; so what was he doing here?

Jimin couldn’t help but stare; she looked ethereal, dressed like a queen in the middle of a sold-out arena. People were screaming her name as she yelled her infamous ‘hi people’. It was an opening sentence that Jimin heard way too many times in her vlogs and suddenly hearing it in real life seemed surreal.

Jimin could only watch in awe, entranced with her everything.

Screw the boys and what they would think once he’d be back from her concert.

He had been the one to find her six years ago anyway. He had been the one to bring her to their home six years ago, hoping for the boys to change their mind once they’d meet her.

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Uploaded : 09/04/2021

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maybankiara · 5 years ago

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can I request one with rafe where he struggles with being sober, and he’s v emotional and reader takes care of him

I DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL WHEN I’M WITH YOU

pairing: Rafe Cameron x Ex-Girlfriend!Reader

summary: Dating Rafe Cameron was a roller coaster and eventually, you’ve had enough of it. Now, six months later, he shows up at your door and you’re the only one he can help him.

word count: 3.5k

warnings: drug abuse, mild cursing, mention of an overdose, suicidal thoughts

additional: heavy angst with a happy ending

thank you for requesting this! it was a challenge to write, and included a bit of a backstory. that being said, i do not condone toxic relationships, but i do believe in second chances, and that people can get better. take that as you will.

requests are open

Rafe Cameron is only trouble; that’s the thing everyone around you kept saying from the moment you began seeing each other. He was the supposedly golden boy, but people who knew him from the parties he’d go to, knew that it was as far from truth as possible.

Rafe Cameron only cares about himself and the coke in his nose, is what not just one of your friends would tell you. They warned you about him – they warned he doesn’t stick with a girl for long, they warned you that at the end of the day, he’ll pick coke over his girl.

You didn’t believe them. You didn’t, not for a long time, and you didn’t even believe that he did coke in the first place.

How could he? you thought. He was from the good part of the island, from a well-standing, reputable family; he was the heir of the Cameron enterprise. His sister was just two years below you in school and she was as close to the princess of the island as it gets.

When Rafe Cameron, the very one you’d spent a long time hearing stories about, approached you at a party, he was sweet. He was chatty and considerate, and full of flirtatious touches but never crossing the line. You didn’t see a sign of the person everyone had been warning you about; Rafe Cameron was as much Kook royalty as Sarah Cameron was.

You gave him your number and he texted you the next morning. He put no pressure on you to say yes when he asked you out, and when you explained you needed to stay focused on school for the next month, he didn’t stop talking to you.

No; he waited, until the month was up, until you told him you could do anything you want, that’s when he took you out for the best day of your life.

Falling in love with him was easy. He was sweet, and understanding when you said you weren’t really a fan of parties, and he smothered you with so much love you thought it wasn’t possible.

Things were good, for a while. When school finished and you started spending more time with him, you started noticing how he’d get into these moods, where his reactions and words were harsh, with a dangerous edge to them, and how sometimes you’d flinch if he moved too quickly. Then he’d leave, come to your place hours later, apologising for everything, and you’d fall back into his arms immediately.

‘I love you,’ he’d say. ‘I’m sorry for whenever I get like this. It’s not me, I promise.’

And you would forgive him. Every single time, you forgave him.

It took you months to realise that you didn’t know anymore who Rafe was. The person you loved and the person that scared you were interchanging so fast that sometimes you’d be looking at him, wondering if he’ll yell about something, or whisper sweet nothings into your ear instead. He looked dishevelled all the time, as if he was missing something, and eventually, you stopped being enough.

You came to find him at a party. A friend of yours had texted you, saying that Rafe was behaving like a complete moron, and you came to get him away from that.

As soon as you pulled up, you saw him jumping around the terrace, tugging arms with some boy you hadn’t seen before. You walked closer and he looked bewildered – he didn’t see you even when he looked in your direction.

It’s not him, you told yourself. But then you wondered, Is this the Rafe I don’t get to see?

In the end, you marched right up to him and put yourself between him and the boy, and dragged him away from the party. ‘Get in the car,’ you told him, unable to even look at him.

‘You don’t need to baby me,’ he snapped back. ‘Why’d you even come here?’

‘Rafe, shut up and get in the car.’

‘Oh, fuck off! I’m not going to let you tell me what to do.’

At this, you were taken aback, but you held your own. The passenger door to your car was open and you were sitting in the driver’s side, looking out to where your boyfriend stood. He was fuming in place; pacing, almost. His hair was a mess, his shirt had been torn in one place, and he was breathing heavily.

This wasn’t the person you fell in love with. You looked at him, and saw nothing.

You turned the engine key. The car roared. ‘Rafe, if you don’t get in the car, I’m done with you.’

‘What, am I not allowed to have fun?’

‘You weren’t having fun. You were being an asshole and now you’re treating me like one, too,’ you told him. You waited for a bit, waiting to see if there was any reaction, but there wasn’t. ‘I’ve had enough of your antics. Get in the car and get your head straight and stop being a shithead, or go back there, and we’re through.’

Rafe snickers. He slams the passenger door close, then leans through the open window. His eyes are looking into yours, but there’s nothing behind them.

Certainly not the person you care about.

‘Nobody tells Rafe Cameron what to do.’

Instead of giving him a reply, you revved the engine and looked away. You didn’t look back as you drove away, and you didn’t reply to his texts when he’d come to his senses. The next morning, he tried catching you at your house, but you wouldn’t open the door.

He tried, for weeks, but you made it clear: you or drugs.

He’d made his choice. You were going to stick to yours.

After that, you move on with your life. It’s different; your friends treat you differently, as if they’re scared you’re going to fall apart, but you’re okay. Well, for the most part, anyway.

‘The Rafe I fell in love with hasn’t been around for a while,’ you tell them when they get worried. ‘I broke up with someone I hardly recognised.’

Occasionally, they’d tell you how they tried to warn you, and all you do is smile and agree – but you know it’s not that. Something changed for Rafe, and when you fell in love with him, he was just a boy with bad habits. Not someone who’s on the way of becoming a monster.

It’d be a lie to say you don’t miss him, but you understand you’re better off without someone who’d trade you for a line of coke.

Who did trade you for a line of coke.

Once it’s been six months since the party, you haven’t heard from him in a while. Your friends know better than to talk to you about him, so you haven’t heard about him, either.

That’s why you’re surprised when you open your door, not checking who it is, and the face you’re met with is his.

You slam the door shut – or you try to, at least. Rafe yelps when his hand gets caught between the door and the wall, and he pushes himself through.

‘Please,’ he says, ‘hear me out.’

‘Go away, Rafe.’

‘Y/N—I need you, I—I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t have anyone else.’

‘Rafe…’

‘Please,’ he begs, and your defences shatter.

You step to the side and open the door, letting him in. He tires to smile at you but it’s as if he can’t even bear to do that. He holds his hand, shaking it a little, and you see there’s a bright red line where he wedged it between the door and the wall.

Rafe stands at your door, shoulders hunched, and his usually slicked-back hair falling over his eyes. It’s unwashed and greasy, his skin is pale and blotchy and with a slight, unhealthily pink hue to it, and his cheekbones are more prominent than you remember. He looks skinnier; more worn out.

An awful thought pops into your mind, and it goes like this: Good thing I got away from this when I did.

You shudder and shake it away. ‘My parents aren’t home. Go to the living room, I’ll join you in a minute.’

He nods and lingers, on the verge of saying something, but then doesn’t. You watch him go to the living room and you go into your room, close the door, and take a big breath.

Can I do this?

You still love him. You thought you didn’t, but it has never gone away, you just pushed it away. You’ve always had hope that someday, he’d come back to you – and you can’t help but to wonder if this is the day you’ve been waiting for.

But then you come back to reality and remember that Rafe is an addict and you’re a dreamer.

The living room is quiet when you walk in. Rafe is sitting on the couch, fiddling with his fingers and looking out of the window – he doesn’t notice you come in.

‘This is the last time,’ you say. His head snaps towards you. ‘I’ll help you this time, whatever, but then I don’t want to see you again. I can’t keep doing this, Rafe. It’s not—it’s not good for me.’

He chose coke over you.

You chose yourself over hurting.

It wasn’t the same.

You expect Rafe to protest, to beg you for more chances, to try to get it his way, but all he does is nod. He nods and it’s soft, and earnest, and you can tell that this time, he’ll do what you want him to.

If you won’t talk to him again, he’ll respect that.

‘What happened, Rafe?’ you ask, your voice giving up on you as you take a seat next to him.

Rafe looks at you and his lip quivers; he’s on the verge of falling apart. The sun shines bright behind him, making him seem like a dark spot in your vision, and you hate how realistic that is. He gulps, loudly, and lets out a shaky breath. You see him holding himself together as much as he can, but not even that is enough, not anymore.

Your hands want to take hold of his, but instead you just clasp them together, biting your lip. You can’t let yourself feel.

One last time, you think, and Rafe tells you everything.

The sun falls as you learn, for the first time, how he started doing coke because his dad was overworking him. Ward expected him to do things that were unrealistic, to be a person Rafe just wasn’t, and coke helped him focus, helped him socialise with Ward’s friends he’d always been scared of, and without it, he wouldn’t have been able to do any of that.

He tells you that he understands that’s not an excuse, and that maybe he would’ve managed without drugs, but that was the only way he could see at the time. He was seventeen and weighted down by the newfound pressure on his shoulders, and he couldn’t bear it.

By the time he turned eighteen, by the time he graduated, he was beginning to rely on coke to survive. He tells you how sometimes it was just a party thing, how it helped him get money for what his dad was expecting him to do, until he started being impulsive and spending all the money he earned. It took over – he couldn’t function on coke, he couldn’t function without it, and life was running away from him.

His eyes leave yours and you see tears sliding down his cheek; you’ve never seen Rafe cry before.

Your hand reaches out to him before you can stop yourself, and you wipe the tear away with your thumb. You know you should move your hand, but you let it linger instead, and when Rafe finally looks at you, he places a hand on top of yours.

A shiver runs down your spine – this feels right and forbidden all at once.

But then Rafe shakes his head, and puts your hand in your lap, letting go. ‘I don’t want you to be hurting because of me anymore.’

Before you have the chance to say anything, he continues his story. He tells you how when he met you, things were still manageable, as much as a cocaine addiction can be. At that point, he was only using it to keep up with his father’s demands, but eventually it got worse.

He tells you he tried to keep you out of it. ‘You were my safe haven,’ he says, quietly. ‘When you were around, I tried to keep myself off of it, as much as I could.’

But he couldn’t. You know this from your experience – you think back to the days where he’d be irritable, annoyed, and nothing you did would make it better. Even then, you knew what was happening, but it was easier to pretend it wasn’t.

Rafe clears his throat. ‘I tried to keep you out of it. But it got too bad. I thought I could control it, but it’d taken control over me already, and I was needing it too badly to be able to see it.’

When he comes to the point in his story when you leave him, he glosses over what happens next, and that’s how you know it must’ve been worse than anything he’s previously said – and it kind of breaks your heart. You know it was the best decision you could’ve made, but knowing that it caused him so much pain still hurts.

He trails off, eventually. He keeps coughing so you get him a glass of water, taking the moment away from him to think.

Except you can’t think. The only thing you can do is feel, and whatever it is that you’re feeling, it’s weighing down your heart.

You come back into the kitchen and and hand him the water. He thanks you, and you notice how he’s much calmer than he used to be. His body doesn’t shake, he doesn’t fiddle as much as he used to, but his eyes look more tired than ever before.

He looks like a ghost of the Rafe you knew. You wonder what’s changed.

So you ask, ‘What happened then?’

Rafe puts the glass away and stares at you for a long second. ‘I OD’d. Topper saved my life, three weeks ago. I’ve been clean since, but—It’s a lot. It’s harder than I thought.’

The realisation settles in and you lean back into the couch, looking away from him. You run your fingers through your hair, trying to calm your breathing – all you can see is Rafe, unconscious on some random bathroom floor, Topper trying to wake him up—

‘Jesus Christ, Rafe.’

You stand up from the couch and began pacing around the living room. This – this is not what you were expecting.

‘I’m clean,’ Rafe reminds you. ‘But it’s – it’s been the worst three weeks of my life.’

There’s nothing you can say. Do you cry, do you yell? He broke your heart, he chose coke over you, is this what you were hoping for? Is this what you thought would happen?

You stare out of the window, your hand clasped over your mouth, and you let silent tears roll down your cheeks. Rafe can’t see them – he’s still sitting on the couch.

Fuck, you think. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

‘I’m sorry,’ you hear Rafe say, his voice breaking. ‘I shouldn’t have come here, I—’

Before he can leave or say anything else, you turn on your heel and pull him into a hug. He doesn’t expect it and it takes him a moment to reciprocate, but his hands wrap around your torso as if they’d never been anywhere else. He pulls you close, buries his head in the crook of your neck, and begins to sob.

You cry, too, but you don’t let him hear that. ‘It’s okay. I’ve got you.’

‘I’m so sorry, Y/N.’ His voice is muffled against your hair and your shirt. ‘For everything I’ve done. I—You deserve so much better, but I can’t—You’re the only thing that makes it bearable. Thinking of what we had is the only thing that keeps me from ending—’

‘Don’t you say that.’ You pull back and look at him, holding his face between your hands, no longer caring if he sees the tears running down your face. ‘Don’t you ever fucking say that again, Rafe Cameron, or I swear to God—’

You pull yourself together, and you feel him tremble. You wonder how much effort it’s taking him to stay here, with you, off of cocaine. Softly, you push hair out of his face, letting it fall to the side. His skin is slick with cold sweat, but you don’t care.

‘Please,’ you tell him, ‘don’t ever say anything like that again. It’s not the end of the world.’

Rafe’s smile is bleak and thin, but it’s a smile nonetheless, and you find it in yourself to smile, too.

‘Thank you.’

It’s not what he says, but you know that’s what he means – thank you for not giving up on me; thank you for loving me when no one else would.

‘I won’t let you give up on yourself, okay?’

He nods, and you hug him again. All you want to do is kiss him again and make all his worries go away, but you know that’s now how it works. Instead, you tell your parents he’s going to stay here for some time, and they’re thankfully okay with that. There’s a free room that your brother used before moving out, and you pick out some of his old things that Rafe could wear.

It’s not easy, getting better. You see him when he’s on the verge of giving in, when he’s raging and when he’s falling apart, but you understand that’s not him, and you don’t let him hurt you anymore.

You promised you wouldn’t let him give up on himself and you stick to that promise, no matter what it takes. With time, things get better, and some of his friends come to visit. Topper is the first and he thanks you, because he knows that you were the only one Rafe would—did—trust with his own life.

Time goes by and Rafe moves back in with Ward, eventually, and you visit. He keeps healing, but some days it’s more difficult than others, and that’s when you take him out to your lodge, up in the mountains, just the two of you.

He never tries anything. You see him looking and you see him longing, just as much as you are, but you’re both aware that he has different priorities. You settle for being his friend instead, and he opens up to you, healing in every way possible. Taking a break from the world does him good.

It’s nearly six months later, when he has nearly recovered, seven months clean, that you kiss him for the first time.

You’re back in your lodge for the week, and it’s winter, so you’re sitting in front of the campfire. Some old vinyl of your dad’s is playing in the background, and you and Rafe are playing a board game you found in the attic.

His skin is flushed all over, and the sickly paleness has been gone for a while. His cheeks have filled out a little, his hair is fuller and healthier, and he stopped wearing it slicked back in front of you. It’s all over his face instead, and you like how simple it makes him look. He’s putting no effort, because he’s finally accepting who he is, and you find yourself falling in love with him all over again.

Rafe catches you looking. He smiles, and you realise how much you’ve missed his genuine smiles. ‘What?’

You giggle and look away, shaking your head. ‘Nothing.’

‘Is there something on my face?’ he asks. ‘Between my teeth?’

‘No, idiot.’

You’re laughing, and so is he, and he’s more carefree than you’ve ever seen him. Every day is a little step away from the bad life, and you’re proud of every single one.

He keeps looking at you and this time, you don’t glance away. Instead, you lean over the table and place a chaste kiss on his lips.

You go back to your seat and watch him go red in the cheeks, mouth slightly agape, wondering what just happened.

‘Would you choose me, this time?’ you ask.

Rafe smiles, and takes your hand. He brushes over your palm with his thumb, never letting his eyes leave yours.

‘Nothing else could even be an option.’

#rafe cameron #obx #outer banks #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #outer banks fic #obx fic #rafe x reader #requested #my fic #my imagine #hannahbabyy13

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backofthebookshelf · 5 years ago

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One of the nice things about the way the TMA fandom has reached full large-fandom levels of toxicity is that I no longer care if people get mad at me for my opinions on characters! So, some Georgie meta.

(Because fandom is and always has been Like That, I do feel the need to clarify here that I love Georgie, she's one of my favorite characters, characters are more interesting because of their flaws, and I have no investment in the idea that women or female characters are inherently better or more emotionally competent than men or male characters. If I talk a lot about her relationship with Jon, it's because Jon is our point of view character and also the person she interacts with the most. Also, this rambles, sorry.)

I've been thinking about the Season 4 Jon Trauma post and how much I liked the way it talked about Georgie, and it's convinced me that if Georgie could feel fear, she's the one who'd be most afraid of Jon out of all of them. She's the one protagonist we have whose only interaction with the powers has been as a direct victim of them. She doesn't know what they feel like from the inside, like Jon and Melanie; she doesn't know what they're like when they're someone you love, like Basira; she doesn't even know what they're like as petty middle management, like Martin and Tim. What she knows is that one time a monster ate her (only) friend and traumatized her so badly she spent a year in a suicidal depression.

And now her ex - and yes, Jon and Georgie have a remarkably comfortable relationship in the beginning of season three, but they're still exes and they broke up for reasons, even if we don't know exactly what they are - has turned up on her doorstep, shaking and possibly bloody, with nowhere else to go and no access to his home. He's clearly lying about what's going on. He repeatedly violates her house rules. And then he tells her that he's turning into one of those same kinds of monsters that traumatized her and ate her friend. It's clearly enough to override any remaining affection she had for him, and by any definition he has now positioned himself as a trigger.

(Through no fault of his own: the only real response he has to Georgie's statement is "I can't believe you didn't tell me." She's the one who assumes that he Knew, somehow, that she also had a statement; she's the one who suggests he had alternatives. Both suggestions are plausible but we don't actually know for certain that either are true.)

But Georgie isn't afraid of Jon because Georgie can't be afraid -at least, according to her. I'm not sure how much I believe this in the grand scheme of things; it seems like an extremely unlikely mechanism for one of the fears to have. It seems much more likely to me that she's just never met anything as terrifying as that encounter was, and her subjective sense of fear has been massively recalibrated. In which case not only meeting but having hosted in your home another monster who self-describes as similar to the one that was so terrifying that literal threats to your life are no longer distressing would...probably ping. But she's conceptualized herself as a person who doesn't feel fear; it's even possible that was part of her recovery, identifying this as a possible benefit of what would otherwise have been a universally terrible, soul-breaking experience. She looked existential terror in the face and survived, and came out of it a person who cannot be afraid of anything left on this earth. That's kind of a superhero origin story, and I can't blame her for it. I think anyone with a mental illness has at least tried to find ways in which their suffering has made them a better, stronger person.

But whether she's suppressing and rationalizing away any fear she feels or she genuinely doesn't feel any of it, she does frequently behave as though her lack of fear gives her a more objective view of the situation than anyone else. I don't believe she actually uses the word "just," but it drips from her every interaction with Jon after Dead Woman Walking. Why doesn't he just stop reading the statements? Why doesn't he just quit? And, in Zombie, I honestly can't interpret her reaction to Jon when he wakes up from his coma as anything other than, Why doesn't he just die? If he hates being this so much, if he really doesn't want to be a monster, why doesn't he just die?

I really would like to think that it goes without saying that this is, at the very least, a massive failure of empathy, but she's so explicit about it and fandom spent so much time basically agreeing with her that apparently it doesn't. Not only is Georgie not afraid of the situation, but (and this is the part that makes me wonder if she's not rationalizing, rather than being supernaturally unable to feel fear) she can't possibly fathom how afraid everyone else is, and she never tries. She persists in treating the whole awful situation, as @findingfeather's post says, like this is a mundane problem with people who are refusing to help themselves, rather than a supernatural trap that has been specifically built to be inescapable.

Now, let me be clear, even if she were talking to, say, a drug addict who nearly killed themselves because they were in denial about how much of a problem they had, her attitude would be unforgivable. But in this case Jon had no choice in whether or not to become addicted to statements; it was done to him in such a way that he didn't notice it was happening until withdrawal was already incapacitating. He also didn't have the option to leave, as Tim's extended vacation made clear. And, on top of all of that, the whole reason he was in a coma in the first place was that he was trying to save the world. (Neither he nor she knows at this point that he was doing nothing of the kind, so that's really not relevant.) And - look, when Jon came to her after the end of season two, he was asking for help. When he rejected the kind of help that she offered it was because he knew it didn't apply to the problems he actually had, but she treats that like it's his problem, which is something like offering a leg splint to a person bleeding out from a gunshot wound and getting offended when they tell you that won't work. He was very clear that what was happening scared him and he didn't know what to do about it, and her only suggestion was "walk away," which he literally could not do, for multiple reasons.

She's lucky Jon has pretty much precisely zero self-worth at this point, because anyone else would have cut her off completely for behaving like a fucking asshole.

I say "she's lucky" because frankly, even though she says that she wants nothing more to do with him, she turns up at least twice in the Institute after that, with the excuse that she's picking up Melanie to take her to therapy. I don't know about you, but I have never once gone to someone's workplace to pick them up and gone snooping around inside, and no matter how fascinatingly weird that workplace is, I definitely can't imagine doing so when I know that workplace also contains a person I have definitely decided I never want to speak to again. She goes into the Archives, for Christ's sake, and she listens outside Jon's office door for long enough to catch a bit of the recording before letting herself in (so it's very clear she knows who's in there).

Now I'm not trying to paint her as a monster here; Georgie would hardly be the first person to have second thoughts about cutting off someone they still care about, or to break that boundary that they set themselves when they realize they do still want to know how that person is doing. But the fact is that she positions herself as having the moral high ground in every single discussion they have and that's just not true. She is not literally a supernatural monster, true, but if season four did anything with the concept of monsters it was breaking down the difference between "supernaturally driven no-longer-human" and "person capable of caring and empathy." (That's a whole different meta, though, one that I will get around to someday.) Not that Jon is any better, in that encounter specifically, at dealing with a complicated and contentious relationship - he deliberately goads her, even if he doesn't use compulsion. But that's the thing, they're both exes who have had a falling out and aren't handling it very well. Neither of them is in the right.

All of which makes me really wonder what her relationship with Melanie is actually like. We don't actually see hardly any of it directly, and of what we do, well, Melanie sounds like she's still high on painkillers, so it's hard to take that as an indication of anything. But given that people (who are not intentionally trying to manipulate those around them) tend to, y'know, be fundamentally the same person in their various relationships, though it may manifest in different ways, we can probably make some guesses.

I have always been bothered by, and I really can't ignore, the fact that they were getting together at the same time that Melanie was doing what Georgie has been demanding of Jon since season three: she did whatever it took to get out. I have to wonder if Georgie knows about the nonconsensual surgery part of Melanie's process of getting out, and if she does, if she understands how vital it was. I certainly wouldn't be surprised, if she does know, that she's managed to compartmentalize it: Jon inflicted this terrible trauma on Melanie, Melanie escaped the entity that took her over. (Subconscious implication: Jon is a monster; Melanie is better than him.) I would be very surprised if Georgie is interested at all in the fine distinctions between entities; she's shown no interest in learning what is actually happening to anyone in this situation beyond "it's bad and they should get out of it." But it's relevant, because by the time Melanie makes the decision to blind herself, she's in a much different position than Jon, enslaved by an entity but not consumed by one. She herself admitted to Jon that she would never have voluntarily escaped from the Slaughter.

And given how difficult Melanie finds it to talk about any of this - you can hear her dragging the words out from behind her teeth in her conversation with Jon in Flesh, truly incredible acting by Lydia Nicholas, my god - if Georgie doesn't want to hear it? I can't imagine Melanie insisting. Yes, Melanie is going to therapy, but let me tell you, I've been going to therapy for twelve years now and I have yet to have several of the important conversations my therapists have insisted I have. That shit is hard. But I can imagine a scenario where, having been told by her therapist (who, remember, doesn't have the first idea what Melanie is actually going through, because Melanie isn't telling her about the supernatural so she has to leave out a lot of really relevant details) that she ought to tell her friend/potential girlfriend/new girlfriend about these things, Melanie attempts to bring it up, Georgie says kind and reassuring things and refuses to let her clarify any of the details, and Melanie gives up in relief, thinking, well, I tried. Super valid all around, but it doesn't mean that Georgie has any clearer picture of what Melanie's traumas actually look like, never mind Jon's. There's no world in which I can imagine Georgie actually internalizing the idea that Melanie loved the Slaughter when it had her, and she would gladly have stayed with it if Jon and Basira hadn't intervened.

In Georgie's eyes, Melanie is being a Good Victim. She was hurt but she was strong; she fought it until she won; now she's going to therapy and setting boundaries and trying to heal. She got away.

(Except, of course, she didn't, because as of The Eye Opens no one has gotten away, because this is the entire world now. We have no idea how this has affected Melanie. Presumably she's out of reach of the Eye, given that Jon can't see her or Georgie (and there's some evidence on the side of Georgie's encounter genuinely having stripped her of fear, if she's also invisible to the Eye), but she spent a long time under the influence of the Slaughter. It had her firmly enough that her attacking Jon was enough to give him his Slaughter scar. If nothing else, Melanie certainly hasn't had her fear removed, and talk about a situation bound to retraumatize someone who had such a visceral revulsion to being trapped that Elias chose it as his mechanism of control over her. Melanie probably doesn't look like a Good Victim any more, and I'd bet her relationship with Georgie is suffering some serious strain because of it.)

We don't know when exactly Melanie and Georgie got together; the last time one of them mentions the other is, I'm pretty sure, when Georgie tells Jon that Melanie is back from India. So we know that Georgie and Melanie were friends; that's good, that's a good foundation for a romantic relationship. At the very least they know each other, they have some idea of what to expect. I'd be surprised if they were dating during that season 3/4 hiatus period, though, or frankly any time before Melanie's surgery, just because Melanie seems much too consumed with rage to have room for any other emotions, and I can't imagine Georgie putting up with that.

What seems way more likely to me is this: Melanie comes back from India, arranges to meet Georgie for drinks. Probably they don't talk about anything serious; possibly they talk about Jon, honestly, since we know Melanie was looking for him and Georgie talked to him about Melanie, but very likely in the same "stuck-up pompous ass" way that Melanie talks about Jon in early seasons. (I bet Melanie's roasts are amazing.) Shortly after that Melanie joins the Magnus Institute and then, very likely, either she never tells Georgie about it and therefore they don't talk much or she does tell Georgie about it and Georgie tells her that place is bad news and she won't have anything to do with it and they don't talk at all, until, whichever way that went, the Unknowing happens and Tim dies and Jon winds up in a coma and everything goes to shit. We know Georgie visits Jon in the hospital; we don't know if Melanie does, but frankly it seems unlikely. If they did cross paths during this time, it was probably very brief and superficial. Then: the surgery, and Melanie's recovery.

I'll be honest, I have a hard time imagining Melanie deciding on her own that she should go to therapy. It's possible Basira suggested it, but it really does sound like a Georgie thing to do. So I picture something like this: from the way Basira talks it sounds like they've all been pretty much living in the Archives for a while, and on top of that everyone in the Archives has just badly violated Melanie's trust, so Melanie pulls up her Facebook DMs and talks to the only other person she has. You were right, she says, this place is terrible, I can't handle it, there's no one here I can trust and I'm so alone. And Georgie, who is generous with help and advice (so long as it's accepted) and (like anyone) weak to being told she was right about something, starts talking to her. We know Georgie's got good boundaries, and we know she doesn't want to hear details about what's going on in the Institute, so I can see her saying, I can talk to you, I would love to talk to you, but not about this. For that you need a therapist.

So Melanie gets a therapist, and the prospect of going out amongst the monsters they know are stalking the Institute without that protective shield of rage (never mind the emotional vulnerability of going to therapy in the first place) makes public transit an unthinkable option, so she asks Georgie to take her, and she does, and she keeps taking her to therapy, which is, as far as we know, the only time Melanie leaves the Archives in season four, until she blinds herself and escapes it completely.

And so they have this relationship that's built up almost entirely around Melanie's trauma - with a foundation of friendship, certainly, so I do think that if they are willing to work through it they could make it a working, healthy relationship, but (and again this isn't stated in canon but is my speculation based on what we know about these characters) it is a romantic relationship that's built around the process of Melanie recovering from multiple traumas. Ones that we know that Georgie a) doesn't know many details about, and b) more importantly, refuses to know any details about. Now, I have no experience with romantic relationships and serious trauma; I might be wildly off base here. But. I know that boundaries are important and I know that trust is also important. And if Georgie is holding similar boundaries with Melanie that she has with Jon (and, as I went into excruciating detail about earlier, she has very solid emotional reasons to protect herself with those boundaries), that's drawing a hard line around what's basically the past two to three years of Melanie's life, and undeniably both the worst and most important things that have ever happened to her. That seems...difficult to manage in the long term.

(This is a bit more of a stretch, more of the germ of a fic idea than an argument I'm prepared to defend, but I also would not be surprised if Georgie told Melanie that she wouldn't date her while she was still working at the Institute. That's a very reasonable boundary, and it's good motivation - and probably healthy motivation, I do like the idea that Melanie had something to reach toward in escaping the Institute, not just the desperate flight from - but it's also something of an ultimatum. Which is not inherently bad, but it is the kind of thing that can fester, given other problems.)

Now it's entirely possible that Georgie isn't that internally consistent. People aren't! (See: Basira's attitude toward Daisy vs her attitude toward Jon in season four.) Maybe she's more flexible about being willing to listen to Melanie, maybe she's starting to understand some of what was happening and how genuinely impossible a situation it really was. But that has to be a struggle for her, too; it's not a perfect, sweet, unconditionally good situation that teaches you that you've been unfair to the point of cruelty to someone you used to care about. And by the time the apocalypse rolls around, Melanie is, if she's lucky, just barely able to say she's healed from the plain physical trauma of blinding, never mind all the other baggage. They've got to be having a rough fucking time of it, at the very least, even if you assume that they're suddenly both the kind of people who will sit still and listen supportively and talk honestly about their own messy and complicated emotions, when neither of them have been that kind of person before.

(Another disclaimer because Fandom Is Like That: This is in no way a condemnation of or argument against fluffy What the Girlfriends fic; fic is for making fluffy things that you want to happen to your faves, or building fluffy content that you desperately need for whatever reason. Gods know there are plenty of unhealthy parts of Jon and Martin's relationship that I ignore in most of my fluffy fic. This is me attempting to work through my thoughts and feelings about the relationship I see in canon in the hopes of actually being able to write some fic about these girls myself someday, because I personally can't write fic until I understand canon, and so much of them happens offscreen because they're not main characters, and they're written with such depth and complexity that you can't just slap a stereotype on them and call it good. Which is awesome! But it means I gotta do the work, and I post it because a) it's work, and this is fandom, and I want validation; and b) I'm hoping other people have insights that might also help me clarify my thinking.)

#the magnus archives #tma #georgie barker #jonathan sims #melanie king #long post #real fuckin' long post #sorry #it's a meta party #cw suicide #cw addiction

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lawrising-a · 3 years ago

Note

💕 (the duchess and the detective <3)

bold all that apply to your characters’ relationship. whichever category has the most bolded is their current relationship (approximately) -- for the duchess and detective!

strangers (1 of 5)

I don’t know you personally or at all. I would not recognize you on the street. I do not know your name. i would not recognize if you were brought up in conversation. you have no importance in my life.

acquaintances (4 of 9)

i know your name. I recognize your face. i think i understand your personality on a surface level. i’d like to get to know you more. i think we could be good friends. we have a lot of similar interests. people say we’re a lot alike. we don’t ask one another for favors often. i would not be able to tell someone if you have allergies.

friends (5 of 11)

we get along well. we have fun together. i like hanging out with you. you’re someone i can send memes to. i feel comfortable around you. i know some of your interests. i’m a little more open with you than other people. i keep some secrets to myself. sometimes i’m not sure what i can open up to you about. i usually buy you something minor for holidays. i like when we can go out and do something together.

best friends (4 of 13)

i could tell you anything. i call you if there’s a problem. we probably text too much. we have a great time together. we’ve got through some bad times. i can be myself around you. we have inside jokes for days. i send you songs that remind me of us. we have a lot of memories together. i can open up to you. i worry when you’re in a bad situation. i’d kick someone’s booty for you. i take insults against you personally.

crushes (7 of 13)

you make my heart race. i can’t stop thinking about you. i worry i text back too quickly. every touch is a sign. sometimes i wonder what kind of person is your type. i send you songs that remind me of you. i keep dropping hints about how i feel. you make me emotional. i want to tell you how i feel. i like when you let me stay. i think i’d be happy so long as you’re happy. seeing you with other people makes me jealous. i can’t tell if this is a date or we’re just hanging out solo.

sister/brotherly (0 of 15)

you drive me crazy. we’re on the same level. you take over all my hobbies. you nag me too much. i’d die for you. we jinx a lot. we have inside games. we play too many pranks. sometimes our fights can get a little intense. i feel relaxed around you. i can be myself around you. we take care of each other. you steal my food right from my plate. i steal your food straight from your plate. if one of us is sick, we both are.

dating & early love (7 of 13)

you make me happy. we have everything in common. you are always on my mind. i can’t get enough of you. we sleep on top of each other, not next to each other. we buy everything in pairs. talking about you is like word vomit. people seem a little annoyed at how in love we are. our relationship should have books written about it. we’re always making memories. i can’t wait to do all our ‘firsts’ together. sometimes i get cold feet. i hope we’ll be together forever.

mature love (0 of 18)

you take all the blankets. you ate the last of MY snack. we get into tiffs but work it out. i can be honest with you. you know everything about me. we can be a little naggy towards each other. i feel safe around you. you are always on my mind. everything i do is for us. ‘we’ seems to suit us best. people say we fight like a married couple. we are married. we have children together. we reminisce while making memories. i’d die for you. i can’t imagine my life without you. i love you for your flaws. i’ll love you forever.

toxic love (2 of 15)

i’ll do anything you tell me to do. it doesn’t matter so long as you’re happy. i don’t care so long as it makes me happy. i’m only in this relationship to get something. you only want to be with me to get something. i can’t trust you. i don’t feel comfortable around you. talking to you feels like walking on egg shells. i never know what is okay. you apologize with gifts. i apologize with gifts. you say i’m everything to you. i don’t talk to anyone else anymore. we get into physical fights. the cops have been called before.

exes (0 of 12)

i miss what we had. we used to be good friends. my memories feel tainted now. i think about texting you a lot. i wonder how you’ve been. i don’t like the idea of you getting with other people. i’m already seeing other people. we have a child together. we’re legally separated. we broke up. my family wants us to get back together. i put you on blast with all my friends.

enemies (0 of 11)

i hate you. you make my skin crawl. you are my antonym. seeing you makes my blood boil. i know you’re no good. you thwart my every move. i know your trying to hurt me. i know you’re talking shit about me. i’ve never felt this way about anyone else. i could kill you. i will kill you.

result: crushing + dating & early love ties! which completely makes sense. obviously they have a little in most categories due to the circumstances of their dynamic ,,, but i can't wait to see their actual relationship start to tack on some 'mature love' points down the line! for now though, i adore these two stuck in a neverending dance around one another ; going from strangers to friends to lovers like it's a speedrun but never exactly having the appropriate time to fully get comfortable in their domestic relationship until after after. ah im rambling but yeah, this makes sense for the pairing! just two troubled souls finding love in a death game, no biggie <3 your honor, i love them!

#» yellow tainted views ( answered. )#duchess♡detective » if love could have saved you . you would have lived forever ( escapesnight )#escapesnight #( fair warning these kinda memes will be all over the place bc mat is. mat ahfjsjds )#( but !!! they love each other sm .. still trying to get past their vulnerable stage tho yk .. )#( im rooting for them 🥺 beloveds !! )#( thanks sm for the ask they deserve the world and everyone should know it )

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papergirllife · 5 years ago

Text

Strings.

Yuta

Part 2

Warnings: toxic relationship, detailed smut, mental health issues,angst.

The next day, you left before he woke up.

You decided to see a doctor about your recent eating disorders and depression, who's a friend since middle school.

" You do know that if this goes on your physical and mental health would drop significantly right? "

" Yes. "

" Then why are you still seeing him? "

You didn't feel like answering a question that solves itself.

" You're even more stubborn than the people who come in and say that they want to quit smoking. "

She took off her glasses and let out a sigh.

" You've never wanted to date after that he'll in high school. What changed your mind? "

" Technically we're not dating. "

" I wish you were, or else we would've been hitting the shops now. "

You laughed at her joke quietly, not really having a sense of humour at times like these.

" Y/N, you're not sick. You're not crazy either. And you wouldn't have had an eating disorder of it weren't for him. So the only prescription I can give you is stop seeing him. Look at you, you used to not have a care in the world and how people see you. He robbed your happiness, your confidence, your heart. How much more can you afford to give him before you're broke? "

After she finished talking, you could feel hot tears streaming down your face. She was right, Yuta was nothing but bad in my life.

In the end of the session, she made you block Yuta's number on your phone before leaving.

Every step you took that day felt as if your heart was a 10 tonne ball chained behind you, dragging you down.

You decided to take two days off from work as advised from your friend to recover and practice self love at home, whatever that means.

You went to take a nap, closing your eyes, wishing for everything to end.

You were woken up, to your dismay by your house phone.

You picked up the phone from its receiver, thinking it was just your boss calling in to check up on you on your ' sick day ' .

" Y/N ? Are you okay? I called your mobile, but you turned it off, then I called your office line and your colleague said that you were sick. "

You swallowed down a sob before answering him.

" I just needed a day off today. No big deal. "

" That's reassuring. Hey listen, I really miss you, you left so quickly. I wanted to wake you up with some bomb ass head this morning. How about you come over tonight? I'll order pizza. "

" Sure. I'll see you tonight. Bye. "

" Bye. "

You slid down the wall. Of all the communication methods you forgot was your house phone.

But you couldn't say no to him, not when his voice sounds like it's lathered in honey.

You put your head on your knees that are against your stomach, tears soaking your sweats.

How can you leave him just like that when he shows you a world of wonder every other night?

You wish there was just a switch in your head to make you emotionless, then you wouldn't have to go through the amount of pain you put yourself through.

After showering, you applied a good amount of concealer at your eye bags to make them appear less puffy.

You never used concealer to cover up pimples, as most your friends used it for. It was always for hiding the pain shown below your eyes.

When you rang Yuta's door, he opened it with one of those mischievous smiles he likes to give you at scenarios like these.

You returned a simple one half heartedly, too tired for it to reach your smiles. The only reason that you could still afford to give him a smile was solely because he was Yuta.

" Aww, still feeling sick? "

" I'm lots better. "

Good. He didn't notice anything wrong about you, he's always been the oblivious type.

He pulled you into his apartment, arms all around you. You notice the way his biceps flexed as he manoeuvred you into his home, someone's been working out more.

When he kissed you, all those bad thoughts in your head disappeared, your friend's warnings thrown out of the window.

The way he holds you, gives you a sense of mental stability that you don't usually have, even if it's just for a while.

He hastily unbuttoned the buttons of your blouse and the clasp of your bra, your clothes falling on his floor with a light thud.

As he laid you on his bed, he took a nipple into his mouth, wetting the tip and engulfing it into his warm mouth, the tempreteral change and movements sent electric shocks through your spine.

While his mouth was busy, his hands worked on taking off your jeans, quickly taking one of your cheeks into his awaiting hands.

His lips chased yours fervently, wanting to have a taste of his sweet addiction.

You hastily took off his sweater, revealing his defined abs, running your hands all over his toned stomach, Yuta letting out tiny grunts at your actions.

You did your hands to his pants and pulled them down, along with his boxers. His cock hits his stomach with a light smack.

" Someone's impatient. "

Yuta slips a finger underneath your folds, moving your panties to the side.

" I'll fuck you with your panties in your mouth tonight, I got a noise complaint this morning for your screaming from last night. "

Yuta slipped two more fingers in, quickening the pace of his fingers inside of you.

" Fuck... Yuta I'm going to cum. " Yuta curled his fingers upwards, giving your high a final push.

" Cum for me then. "

You came on his fingers and your panties, Yuta gave your ass a light also and took off your panties, and as he promised stuffed them in your mouth.

Yuta took a tie from his night stand to tie your hands together. He positioned you with your ass up in the air and head on the pillow.

Yuta spread open your cheeks and fully slipped into your pussy, a squelching sound could be heard when he was fully seahthed in.

He gave no warning and started thrusting into you harshly, just like how you love it. His hands are on your hips, digging into your flesh, there's definitely going to have marks tomorrow.

Yuta's neighbors will certainly file another complaint tomorrow, with the way he's hitting into you. The bed's been knocking against the wall for 10 minutes straight now.

The walls of the room is filled with pure sin. The way the room smells of sex, the beautiful sound of skin slapping against skin. Everything in this moment is euphoria to you.

As Yuta quickens his pace, the coil in your stomach grows, signalling your on coming orgasm.

Yuta knows you're near. The way you clench around him so tightly, your walls engulfing him, erasing all his other senses. The only thing he could feel now was the way you felt around him.

Yuta gave one hard thrust and you lost it, the way your orgasm just crashes onto the both of you, made Yuta's toes curl. You would've screamed if it wasn't for the panties Yuta made you gag on.

Not long after, you could feel Yuta's warm semen covering your velvety walls in white. You used all your remaining strength to help him ride out his high, some of his cum dripping down your soft thighs.

As you laid down properly to sleep, Yuta cleaned you up. His soft movements lulling you to sleep.

When you woke up, the whole place was pitch black. The only light that was available was the clock, reading 3.09 a.m., 14 February.

You didn't know whether it was because of the date or was it just 3 a.m. feels, but you started having another one of your frequent mental breakdowns.

You quickly dashed into Yuta's bathroom and sat in his bathtub.

Yet another Valentine's comes and goes, and you still don't know if you should stick around with Yuta for another year at this rate.

You just wished that he'll change his perspective of you, to see you as someone more, someone he'll keep in his heart.

But life is cruel to you in ways you don't know to how describe. The only question that you keep asking is ' why me ? ' .

You didn't know how long you sat there, you just zoned out and didn't bother getting out, letting your feelings drown you until you're numb from all the pain.

Suddenly Yuta burst in the bathroom, eyes quickly scanning to see if you were okay.

" Thank god I found you. I've been looking everywhere for you. Your clothes were all still on the floor, so I knew you couldn't have went back. But why are you sitting in the tub? You'll catch a cold. "

Yuta scooped you into his arms, wanting to carry you back to bed. That's when all hell let loose.

" Stop it! Stop! Put me down! "

Yuta thinking he hurt you somewhere, gently placed you on the ground.

" Are you okay? "

" I've had enough! I'm so tired of being your beck and call Nakamoto Yuta. We should've never had started this. When I agreed to this, I didn't agree to you playing with my feelings with those sweet words of yours that actually mean nothing! I'm sick of you and whatever we have! "

You let your tired body fall against the wall and slide down, arms wrapping around yourself.

You could feel Yuta's hands moving to wrap around you.

" No, Yuta. I'm serious I can't do this anymore...

You stopped speaking when you heard sobs coming from Yuta. You lift up your head to see him crying as well.

" I'm sorry I put you through so much pain. I swear I never meant for this to happen. But I just want to tell you that all those sweet lies you think I've been feeding you, are my real feelings. I was a coward for not being able to accept a new relationship. I thought that way I will never get hurt again. But god that plan backfired quickly, I thought if I never told you the way I felt it will be the right thing to do, so that I'll never hurt you. But I still did. "

" Yuta are you trying to say that...

" I love you. Since the third month we were together. You brought so much light into my dark after my ex. You gave me so much love and joy. I love you so much. "

" I love you too. "

Yuta could see the sincerity of your words through your beautiful eyes, the ones that lit up his darkest nights. But he also noticed the ruined concealer.

" Y/N. Why are your eyes so puffy? Have you cried before this? "

You nodded, ashamed to look him in the eyes.

" I haven't been feeling myself lately. "

" I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I'll help you pick up the pieces together, step by step. "

" What if you get cut by one of the pieces? "

" Then there's always bandages, so don't worry about me. I'm a tough guy. I'm going to make it up to you with all of our days together. "

Suddenly, you let out a sneeze. Making Yuta worried all over again, quickly carrying you back to bed to cover you with warm blankets and cuddles from him.

" Happy Valentine's Day, Y/N. "

" Happy Valentine's Day to you too, my first valentine. "

#nct fluff #nct smut #nct drabbles #nct 127 #nct angst #nct imagines #nct dream #nct scenarios #nct soft imagines #nct u #nct yuta #yuta nakamoto #yuta imagines #yuta smut #yuta #yuta angst #yuta fluff #wayv

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thejosh1980 · 4 years ago

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Don't you know that you're toxic?

I was in a toxic relationship...

In fact I have been in a few... But the last one is the one I can still remember in some detail...

The first few, well they were immature drunk and disorderly scenarios. They are not important in this story, other than you should be aware I was pretty repetitive towards my approach to relationships back then.

The story I would like tell is about the 7 year old relationship that ended in March 2019.

This particular relationship had the biggest effect on me, my well being, and my happiness. And even though I married an amazing woman earlier this year, that last relationship is still a reminder of the baggage I have held onto since my first relationship.

It's time I unloaded that baggage and shed my skin.... Even if it's just a little bit... You know, small steps...

So, lets call my ex “Grumpy”...

In fact that's a name an American girlfriend of a drummer of a band we were watching called her once in Germany, literally minutes after meeting her. I should have seen that red flag even back then...

Look, Grumpy isn't a bad person, deep down I think she means well... But she just hasn't been able to get past her past... She wont let go of any stubborn insecurities, learn new coping mechanisms, and she wont forgive herself, or you for that matter... At least that's what I've experienced with her.

It's like whenever things don't go her way, whenever she's frustrated or doesn't know how to cope, she'd revert back to a 14 year old girl, which is when she had troubles with her Mum.

I mean honestly, who didn't have troubled teenage years??

I'm not saying she doesn't have a right to feel pain about some significant event or trauma, but she surely can't hold it over my head and expect me to hang around, forever...

During our relationship, I explained to her, that when I went into therapy (which at the beginning she thankfully helped me do) I had no idea what to expect. But I knew I couldn't continue the way I was and expect a happy outcome.

It took a long time, but I processed many of the issues and events of my past, which in turn helped my current situation and had a positive effect on my future. I learned new ways on how to cope with current problems, insecurities and learn to take responsibility for my actions and choices in life...

I forgave my Dad for not being a good father. I understand, he just didn't know better and chose not to learn how later in life... It's no excuse but I find some comfort in knowing I wasn't the problem. These days, I can be comfortable in his presence, no longer hoping for the Dad I've always needed, but enjoy his company for what it is...

I forgave my sister for her misgivings. She's a tough cookie, and very jealous of me. I think she's very jealous of my relationship with Mum, but my sister hasn't taken responsibility for her actions, and therefore it will be a long road before I can trust her, but I'm totally OK with that. She has her problems, and they are not mine to take responsibility for, anymore.

My grandparents on both sides were hard work over the years. I thought it was my fault too! But really it was their lack of empathy and understanding that created an atmosphere of negativity. They had every opportunity to be a good example to an impressionable young me. Luckily I learned to forgive them, even if I didn't actually say that to them while they were still alive. I forgave them and myself for contributing to the escalation, rather than finding resolution.

Grumpy knew I did this (and more) in therapy, and refused to consider it.

Now in all fairness, I originally refused to entertain the idea of counseling too, as I had a negative experience in my younger days (just like Grumpy), but when I reached my first breakdown around 2014 in a foreign country, I knew I needed help and I asked...

You know, I know she's still hurting over her past...

How can I tell?

Because it's been 18 months since I broke up with her, and she continues to create drama, instead of “adulting” and talking to me about it.

She's had every opportunity to deal with these post break up problems we all have had to go through like an adult (you know, splitting up the household belongings etc), without fail each time she has deflected, ignored, created more drama, lied or done something else that shows me, she has not recognized her part in our story.

Let's face it, it takes 2 to tango...

I've come to realize she treated me the way she did during our relationship, because she took me for granted. She thought I'd never have the courage or strength to actually leave her. I sure proved her wrong, didn't I!!!

We started our relationship drunk, and continued like that for 2 or so years. Grumpy and I could drink a lot, and did... We both were a bit rounder then too! We were never fully honest with each other or ourselves. I would say, we probably should have just been a short term fling, because we both weren't ready for long term, but we dived in anyhow...

That journey got me here, and that's totally fine. I have no regrets...

In case you didn't know, I wasn't a very strong person back then. I had little self esteem, and little self worth. So it was easy for both of us to “beat on” each other verbally and not resolve any issues. That's easy to do when someone just can't listen without demeaning you, without taking your feelings and smashing them against the wall... I was always ALWAYS in trouble. She was too sometimes back then... We both were in trouble...

As time went on with my therapy I processed a lot of things, and became ready for long term... I also knew I wanted to move back home, down under, eventually. That would be a hard decision, with or without Grumpy. I just couldn't imagine piling on more stress on top of stress with that relationship. I came to realize there was no future there unless something changed. We had to listen to each other, we had to trust each other, we had to respect each other.

I know I am not perfect, but surely if I can forgive her for things, she could step my way a little... Couldn't she? Didn't she have the power to learn to forgive? I mean really forgive someone and love them for all their faults? Didn't she have the power to grow? Unfortunately she didn't... I knew she didn't process anything because she was bringing up stuff from 2 or 3 or 6 years ago...

When I sobered up and seriously got into therapy, I had no idea what road it would take me down... But after talking about all my family issues, social anxiety issues and depression, the last thing was Grumpy. It took almost 5 years to get to the point where I acknowledged I was unhappy, I realized I didn't trust her and I couldn't see a future with her...

I just couldn't talk to her anymore. We just didn't trust each other anymore... That's the point...

The day we broke up, I had written her a letter, and I read her this letter. I read out a letter I had spent weeks writing making sure my adult words were being used (because without the letter I knew I'd revert to something less mature and less communicative). I clearly stated after trying many times, trying for years to correct our problems, I had come to realize we couldn't go forward. I decided we would break up to save each other from unnecessary pain. I couldn't see any steps going in the right direction in our relationship anymore...

I loved her, but it just wasn't working out, and didn't show any signs of improving.

Her first words were “I knew it” with tears rolling down her face...

I didn't want to do it, but I made a choice... Based on the past, for the present, to better my future.

Honestly I don't know if she wanted to recognize any of those times I tried to talk to her. She didn't want to see the signs. When she got frustrated and yelled at me, and I sat quietly listened and did my best not to raise my voice back. When I tried to talk sense to her she'd react like I was talking crazy.

Maybe she was scared? After all, change is a scary thing.

I changed a lot in those years since I started therapy and stopped drinking, always hoping Grumpy would come my way a little... For several years I was a huge contributing factor to our fights, but as time went on and I learned and grew, I started to de-escalate those fights. (Which generally made things worse!).

Apparently she didn't get the memo...

And she continues to blame me for that mistrust, because that's the way it goes when you don't take responsibility for your actions... It's always someone else's fault... The world owes me...

Even though she's been in a committed relationship since the beginning of 2020, she still hasn't let go of any anger, hurt, or resentment towards me. Her actions clearly show she hasn't processed our relationship, start, middle, or end, and would prefer to block me or stop all communication with me, before dealing with herself. She'd prefer to tell everyone else how bad I was, what I owed her, what I did to her, than think about her actions and how they affected our relationship.

It's like history repeating itself... And I am finding freedom in the fact I am no longer a character in her story.

I'm quite sure she'll keep the narrative within her circle of friends to make her look good, and me bad. But I like my narrative more (who wouldn't?), I feel we both were a mess... We were having a negative affect on each other. How or why, isn't as important as learning that communication, trust, forgiveness and respect are the things that were missing...

In fact, I think she dislikes anyone who has shown personal growth... It scares her... I think she's comfortable in her denial... She blames her Mum or her grandma... She blames me... Not once had I ever heard in all her years of coming home from work, “Oh it was me...”, “I did something wrong...” or “I messed up, I better say sorry...”

So how could I stay with someone who didn't take any responsibility?? How can I love someone who doesn't say “sorry”?

I was heart broken during the time leading up to reading Grumpy that letter...

I went back and forth in my head, could I see a future??? But in the end I couldn't... The one thing I realize, that is so important in my relationships, is good ol' communication. We lost that, when we lost the trust... It all turned toxic... Manipulative.... Twisted...

I wish her all the happiness the world throws at her.

We all deserve happiness... But Grumpy, sometimes you gotta work at it...

I could spend my time blaming her for so much of it but in the end, it was down to me. I am the one master of my fate... Just as she is... Then and now...

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#toxic relationship #break up #ex girlfriend #moving on

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chuckbass-love · 4 years ago

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Why Him? | Ransom Drysdale | Part 21

A/N : ONE MORE PARTT LEFT... I hope you enjoy this one, i tried to do my best with this.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than my Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3. However, reblogs are welcome.

As someone who has witnessed domestic violence and been a victim of emotional/mental abuse i’d like to just say that this was hard to write. These subjects are not to be taken lightly and if anyone that follows me or reads any of my work has had problems with the issues talked about in this fic then a domestic violence hotline number will be attached. If this triggers you then maybe avoid it. I am ALWAYS here to talk if anyone wants to, i understand what you are going through and i never judge!

24hr NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE HELPLINE : 0808 2000 247

Other number : 1-800-799-7233

This is just two numbers i’ve searched up on the internet, i hope this can help somebody... I LOVE ALL OF YOU... I do not judge and yet again, i am always here if you just want to talk!

Warning: talk about emotional/mental abuse and domestic violence. Angst

Ransom’s POV

I arrive at Claudia’s place and i feel my hands start to tremble suddenly. I take a minute to breathe before getting out of the cab to knock her door.

The door opens slowly and there she is, looking so broken. She steps aside, making room for me to enter, not breaking eye contact with me. You could cut the tension and silence with a knife.

She sits down on the couch and i stand in the doorway.

“I know you wanted to talk but i have something to say” she rolls her eyes as she gestures for me to speak.

“What happened Saturday wasn’t at all what it looked like. I was with the guys all night, she came up to me, trying to kiss me and i was continuously pushing her away. When it came to leaving, i got caught up, i had way too much to drink. I remember checking the time once again and leaving the club right away, feeling horrible for leaving you waiting. She got into the same cab and since her place wasn’t that far away i let her and i know that i shouldn’t have. I should have stopped her. She was asking about you, i made it very clear about where me and you were in our relationship. Once we got to my place i told her to go home, i didn’t realise she was going to follow me inside. I must not have locked the door. I went straight to our room to find you but you weren’t there and she snuck in. She was clearly trying to sabotage what i had, she never liked that i was the one that ended it with her and i’m so sorry about my actions. I know i didn’t make the situation any better by allowing her to share the cab with me but i honestly didn’t kiss her, she kissed me and i swear to you, i’d never do anything to jeopardise what we have. Claudia you mean more to me than anything else in this world” by the time i finish talking, i’m on my knees in front of the couch.

“But why would she want to do any of that? I don’t get it Ransom, it makes no sense”

Her question takes me right back to the night i broke it off with Natalie.

“The night we broke up was pretty bad, it was our worst fight...”

“I don’t even know why you’re acting like this. It’s not like i fucked the guy” she yells as we walk through the front door and i can’t believe her, is she being serious?

“No but you did make out with him in the club, in front of me and all my friends. I looked like a fucking idiot back there, it hurt” she chuckles as she walks away from me, refusing to reply. I follow her to the kitchen, she starts pouring some wine into a glass but i stop her.

“I don’t fucking think so, do you? You think you can just treat me like i don’t mean anything and embarrass me and then come back here and drink my wine?” she walks closer to me.

“I don’t care Ransom, if i want a drink then i’ll have a drink” she pushes me back to the living room and i fall onto the couch.

“Or you could just fuck me” she’s nuts.

“I don’t think so” i shake my head at her suggestion.

“Come on, after all, it’s all you’re good for. The only reason i’ve put up with you all this time is because of the sex” my heart sinks at her revelation, i bite back the anger that threatens to spill out.

“Get out” i mutter and she raises a brow at me “I said, get the fuck out and take your shit with you too” she laughs at me as she sips her wine. I stand up and calmly pry the glass from her hands.

I storm off, making my way to the master bedroom and i start packing her clothes into a bag.

“What are you doing?” she snaps

“I’m packing your shit. We’re done” she walks closer to me, placing her hand over mine.

“Please, let’s discuss this” she begs and i pull my hand away from her

“No, we’re not getting anywhere with talking Nat. I’ve had enough of your bullshit. You constantly belittle me, make me feel like some joke. Use me for my money” i take her stuff from the bathroom and hand it to her.

“I know it might not seem like it but i can only take so much, i have a reputation to uphold” she continues to beg as i carry her bag down the stairs to the front door, opening it and throwing the bag to the ground outside.

“Now if you don’t mind, get the fuck out of my house. We’re done” she starts sobbing whilst i wait for her to go.

“GET OUT” the second she leaves i slam the door shut, making sure to lock every door and window in my house.

I don’t realise that i’m crying at the memory until i feel Claudia’s finger lift my chin up and wipe the tears away.

“I had no clue. I’m sorry that happened” she kneels down in front of me, taking me into her arms, squeezing me tight.

“It’s okay, i’m fine now it’s just the relationship was very toxic. It was like that 95% of the time, there was a very small percentage that i was happy with her” she places her hands either side of my face, looking deep into my eyes.

“I feel like i should have let you explain what happened with her Saturday but i just saw you kissing and i assumed the wo-”

“Don’t apologise, i’d have assumed the same. I don’t want you to apologise to me, i just want you back. I need you back doll” her eyes soften at the nickname and she presses her lips to mine. It’s not heated it’s just loving.

“Please come back to me” a tear rolls down her cheek as she kisses me again, wrapping her arms around my neck to pull me closer.

“Is that a yes?” i chuckle and she leans her forehead to mine.

“Before i agree, i should probably be open about my ex too”

Claudia’s POV

I let out a deep breath that i didn’t even know i was holding in. I feel so tense. Here goes nothing.

“He wasn’t just emotionally abusive, it was physical too” i feel the tears fall and he wipes them.

“You don’t have to do thi-” i interrupt him, i do, he needs to know.

“I was with him for two months before it turned violent. At first it was the typical controlling behaviour or he’d start arguments. He’d say something to me that would get to me, causing me to react and then when it would blow up to an argument he’d make me feel as though i had started it” at this point, i can see that look on his face. The look of pity mixed with anger.

“Then two months in we were arguing one night and when i argued back he slapped me across the face. Which you know, he apologised for over and over, saying it’ll never happen again and silly me believed it. The next time he strangled me, i remember begging for him to let go, i couldn’t breathe. He yanked my head back by my hair, pushed me to the floor and dragged me across the carpet. Eventually when he stopped, i was left alone crying on the floor” the painful memories all start coming back, one by one.

“Despite all that he did though, i loved him. I know that sounds fucked up but i wanted nothing more than to please him and make him happy but no matter how hard i tried it wasn’t good enough. I didn’t fully grasp the idea that i needed to leave until i was hospitalised. He punched me one evening, causing me to fall over, he took the opportunity to kick me in the stomach god knows how many times. I had a black eye and multiple bruised ribs. I remember sitting in my hospital bed with Lucy next to me and i blurted out everything he had done. We had a long and emotional chat about it and i knew i had to leave him. I got out. But i guess i’m only telling you this because i love you Ransom. With everything i have and with my whole heart. Despite everything that happened at the weekend, i know that you’re nothing like Jordan and you’re not gonna hurt me like he did. You’re kind, lovely and you make me feel like a princess as cliche as that sounds” he chuckles as he wipes my tears.

“I’m sorry for everything i said Saturday, the horrible things i said to you out of anger. That’s not me. I thought you had cheated and i was so hurt and furious that i wanted to hurt you back” he waves me off, like the insults i hurled at him Saturday weren’t anything major.

“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?” i look into his eyes “I was scared, everything he did to me. I was scared to relive it all again” he can see the sadness in my eyes.

“I suffered a lot at his hands and i was scared to date for so long. After our first date in New York, i planned to be honest with you the next time i saw you. But i couldn’t. Now though, i feel it was the right time. I’m sorry to burden you with all of thi-” he kisses me.

“You are not burdening me. Don’t ever think that by opening up to me that you’re a burden. Truth be told, i wanna find this dude and hurt him for treating you like that and possibly other women too, it’s disgusting” i can see it in him, the protective side of him.

“No Ransom, forget it. He’s not worth it. You’re better than that”

“Alright but if we ever come across him i can’t promise that i i won’t do or say anything”

“The one time, i remember he said he was going out with his friends and i was in my apartment listening to music, he knocked the door and when i answered he pushed me to the ground, punching at me as i lay there, curled into a ball. When i got up, i walked near to the window and he threw a table at me, it was this small side table. I ducked last minute and it ended up going through the window. He spat in my face a couple times. He made derogatory comments towards me in front of my family and friends. But he always knew how to worm his way out of any situation. He was clever” i start sobbing, he pulls me to his chest and i start fully crying, leaving mascara on his shirt.

“Sh sh, it’s okay baby. I’m here, i got you” i pull away and he wipes the tears again.

“I guess the reason i told you all of this is because you were just so honest with me and i owed you the same amount of honesty” he sighs,

“I’m sorry about standing you up and putting myself in that position, i promise i’ll never let you down ever again” i raise my brows “Ever? That’s a big commitment Drysdale” we both laugh at my comment and he presses a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you so much. But you need to believe me this time. I see it in your eyes. The way you second guess if i’m ever going to leave or if my feelings will suddenly grow legs and run” his lips curl into a huge grin as i say that.

“I love you, you mean everything to me and that is never going to change” i straddle his lap, placing my hands on his cheeks.

“Please believe me when i say that you are all that i want, forever. The first guy to make me this happy and well the sex is an added bonus” he throws his head back laughing like a little kid.

“I believe you. I love you so much” we kiss and as we pull away, i lean my forehead to his. I don’t ever want him to leave.

“Be mine again? Please” he begs

“I never stopped being yours, i know i said it was over but my heart just couldn’t let go of you”

For the first time in my life and even with Ransom, i feel completely naked, emotionally. Like we’ve just laid everything on the table. We’ve been honest with each other, fully. It feels nice. I feel that we needed this talk, to move forward with this relationship. It needed to happen and i’m glad it did.

#ransomdrysdale #ransom drysdale smut #hugh ransom drysdale #ransom thrombey fluff #ransom drysdale fluff #ransom #ransom drysdale x reader #fanfiction #knives out #chris evans smut #chris evans #chrisevanssmut #chris evans fluff #chrisevans smut #chrisevans #chris evans x reader

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notyobabygirl · 4 years ago

Note

I’m reading your asks and what you’re writing has really resonated with me. I wonder if you have wisdom regarding my situation

My ex and I had a very hot and cold relationship. We were really passionate which was great and when we got along but when we fought it was absolutely toxic. No man has ever made me cry harder and feel more like shit while also being so lovely and sweet and caring.

We broke up a few months ago after we realized our fighting is outweighing the positives. but neither of us seem ready to let go of each other. We talk almost every day, we’ve slept together a few times and neither of us are “moving on” in the traditional sense. I tried going out for a drink with a male friend I’ve been flirty with in the past and was barely able to kiss him without feeling sick. In the past when I’ve gotten out of a relationship I’m eager to get back into the game.

Here’s the weird thing. My ex is moving to another country next week and he wants to see me one last time before going. I know I shouldn’t but I miss him so much (haven’t seen him in person in about a month) but I’m kinda terrified of the idea that he’s gonna be gone and we’re both finally going to go our separate ways. I feel like the more I see him the more I prolong my eventual healing I must do before I ever get into another relationship.

I guess what I’m asking is, how can I navigate this situation? When he leaves, should I just stop talking to him? Should I even see him before he leaves?

you always want what you can’t have. whenever my ex and i were broken up with i wanted him even more. it was literally like i was addicted to him. you don’t need me to tell you that he’s not the one for you and you can do better. him moving to another country is probably the best thing for you. having someone like that that is so accessible to you is hard when your trying to get over them. i know you sent this a week ago so he’s prob already there but think of this as a new beginning for you. like a new chapter, he’s finally gone and you can start fresh and turn to a new page

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ask-chef-teruteru · 4 years ago

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teru,,,can i get some advice? i’m currently in a relationship that just recently became toxic when i came out to them as non binary. they said that they accepted me, but they keep on deadnaming and misgendering me, and using the excuse “i’m used to calling you [DEADNAME], so i’ll continue calling you that.” to justify it. i’ve tried to leave group chats with them and i’ve tried blocking them, but they always ask their friends to add me back. i want to break up with them directly but idk how,,,

“Pity’s sake, that’s vile. I’ve heard people apologize n’ mend their ways over callin’ dogs by the wrong names n’ genders! And none of them give a single solitary damn ‘bout it! If your soon-to-be ex can’t do somethin’ so simple to show ya that they got even a shred of respect for ya, they ain’t never gonna be a good partner. To anyone.”

“...That said though, bless your heart. I’m sorry you’re havin’ to go through that. Can already be hard enough as is to come out to somebody, n’ for them to turn ‘round n’ throw it in your face... Makes my blood boil, them not makin’ one simple change that takes no effort for the sake ‘o you bein’ comfortable n’ bein’ referred to as who ya are.

Breakin’ up with somebody can be difficult, scary—and it don’t always go so smooth. If ya know this parter o’ yours primarily online rather than in person, ya might have to go through the hassle o’ makin’ new accounts n’ avoidin’ givin’ out the new URLs to people who knew ya’ll both n’ might feel compelled to tattle on ya to your—I’m gonna go ‘head n’ call ‘em your ex preemptively—to your ex. Might go ‘head n’ keep receipts too— screenshots o’ times they refused to call ya by your name n’ pronouns— in case they decide to go makin’ things up ‘bout why ya’ll broke up to garner sympathy n’ paint you out to be the one in the wrong ‘stead o’ them. Hopefully yawon’t need ‘em, but those things’re good to have when it comes to breakin’ things off with anybody that y’all know online (which I’m just assumin’ is the case since y’all mentioned the group chats.)

Just tell ‘em straight on that y’all two ain’t gonna work out and that, in no uncertain terms, y’all wanna break up n’ don’t wanna be in a relationship no more. Tell ‘em that you shared somethin’ important with ‘em and that ya can’t stay together with somebody who ain’t respectin’ your gender identity or your name. Tell ‘em that it’s important to you, n’ that if they don’t care ‘bout the things that are important to you— the important things about you— that y’all two just ain’t meant to be and that y’ain’t never gonna be happy in a relationship with ‘em. If it ain’t an easy break or they don’t take it well, it’s perfectly okay to take time away from however they may try to contact ya again, and I recommend that if they don’t accept the break up with any grace. Ignore ‘em long enough n’ they’ll more n’ likely get the picture n’ leave ya alone. Of course, if not, that’s where things like new accounts come in.

After you’ve had that talk with your ex, ya might oughta tell those friends who keep addin’ ya back what the situation is and to please respect your decision n’ let y’all go on your way, that ya don’t mean no harm n’ don’t wanna make things harder than they gotta be n’ that y’all needed to separate for your sense o’ well-bein’. If they’re just your ex’s friends n’ not mutual friends, they probably ain’t gonna side with y’all over your ex, but hopefully they got the good sense to let you be. Block every last one of ‘em if that’s whatcha gotta do and don’t feel guilty over it, okay?

They may or may not try to convince y’all to stay with ‘em, say things ‘bout how they’ll change for ya or that they didn’t realize that it was a big deal and/or that you’re overreactin’—and you know ‘em better n’ I do, so the judgement call there is ultimately yours if ya truly think they’re the type to learn from their mistakes that quick n’ didn’t truthfully know that basic decency is important—but... Well, it sounds to me like a relationship that’s doomed to always fail unless that ex o’ yours does some major soul searchin’ n’ growin’ up on their own. If that’s the route they take after you tell ‘em ya wanna call it quits, then tell ‘em y’all can talk about a relationship in a few months maybe and y’all can give it a trial run to see if they’re gonna treat ya better. Otherwise, just get the words out there. There’s no sense beatin’ ‘round the bush or stringin’ things out longer just because breakups can be so unpleasant to deal with.

It’s understandable if you’ve had good times with this ex o’ yours n’ feel sad ‘bout cuttin’ ties, but y’all need to keep in mind that they weren’t doin’ right by you neither n’ that ya got every right to leave n’ take time for yourself or find somebody who’s better for ya. If they ain’t a pain to deal with after you’ve told ‘em y’ain’t gonna work as a couple no more, ya might even wish ‘em well on findin’ somebody more compatible with ‘em. Ain’t gotta say that there’s no hard feelin’s since there are, n’ y’all don’t gotta stay in each other’s social circles or be friends or nothin’, but it ain’t a bad idea to part on as amicable a note as ya can.

I wish you all the best as y’all take care of it, n’ just keep in mind that you can do it n’ that you’ll find somebody else who’ll treat you like you oughta be treated; never settle for nothin’ less.”

#asks #chef-aikido #sorry on the delay with gettin to this one hon #if ya need to talk to me again about it or want more advice dont hesitate to ask #i’ll help yall get through this as best i can

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tayaaaconway · 4 years ago

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The funny thing about talking to someone who has never been in love, they don’t understand. They don’t understand that it doesn’t matter what they do or say, it doesn’t change how you feel. It’s always beautiful at first. It feels like you are watching a movie about love. People who have never been in love see things in a different light. They don’t understand that we are in a black and white film and the spot light turns on and in that spot light is him/her and it’s nothing but color. What you don’t expect though, is the hurt. You don’t expect love to hurt so fucking bad. They don’t tell you that the person you fall in love with, may not love you back. They don’t tell you that they could be using you. They don’t tell you that they may not be over their ex. They don’t tell you that they could be toxic, abusive even. They don’t tell you that you may have to let this person go. They don’t tell you about that chance of falling, with absolutely nobody to catch you. So now you are in search to find a home, that may not even exist. Or it’ll take you 20+ years to find it. Especially in this generation. We are all fucked up in our own way. Ex broke us, absent parent/s, lost a loved one, or some sort of mental illness. I think more people should talk about how it’s OKAY to be scared. It’s okay to not trust someone 100%. Love is fucking scary. If more people talked about it, normalized talking about all the shitty parts of love, we would grow up and be more prepared for something to NOT work. Here I am, 21 years old and I still get disappointed when people don’t reciprocate the respect and love I give. Or I get scared and fuck something up before the person hurts me. What kind of fucked up world does god have us living in? Why can’t love be all around wonderful? Why is it we can fall so deeply in love with someone who never even wanted us in the first place ? Why do we spend, hours, days, weeks even.. crying about someone who doesn’t feel anything at all for us? Why does love make you want to die ? Want to know what.. love is a slow fucking death. I’ve never experienced a love that wasn’t painful. I would bleed myself dry for this man and he feels nothing. I wish feelings grew legs and walked away when the person did. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I’m tired of making excuses for the people I love when all they do is hurt me. I’m tired of not being strong enough to walk away. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m tired of looking in the mirror and asking myself “what does she have that I don’t”! I should never question my self worth, or be in competition with ANY other female over some idiot who doesn’t know what the fuck he wants. Toxic men have a very interesting way in making you question EVERYTHING and make you crave more. They are consistent for a little and it suddenly changes. You find yourself craving that attention. It makes you so fucking sad, for what? Why do we want people who don’t want us ? I made excuses for you. To everyone. Of course I needed to rant to some, but in the end I defended you. “Oh he’s not that bad”... but what I didn’t realize, they were calling it how they seen it. Within those weeks I was with you consistently, you hurt me. Over and over, and your excuse was “I didn’t lie”. You did though, you did lie. Every single day you lied to me. You lied when you said you loved me. You lied with each and every excuse on why you couldn’t be with me. You lied every night while you held me until we faded into sleep. You lied every time you kissed me. You lied when you didn’t take me home. You lied when you got bothered about something I did or said. You lied when you told me it was because of drugs. You lied when you told me it was because I drink. You lied when you said it was because of what I did. You lied when you said it was because my choice in friends.

I fell so deeply in love with you that it didn’t fucking matter what you did. It didn’t matter when you had sex with other people. It didn’t matter when you said hurtful things to me, because I fucking love you. As many times as people have tried to tell me that it’s not love because I just met you a couple months ago. It is love though. I know it is. I know because when you aren’t speaking to me I feel like I can’t breath. It’s love because the moment I see you, the whole world stops rotating and in that moment.. it’s just you and I. It’s love because I’ve never felt more safe than I did wrapped in your arms laying in your bed. I’ve never had more fun doing absolutely nothing with someone. I’ve never looked at someone and seen my whole life, right in front of me. My whole world paused when I met you. You pressed play the other day and I have no idea what’s going on because everyone else’s life kept going. What do I do now ? You have options. Maybe it would’ve been like that for me in Florida, but here ? Here everything reminds me of you and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. See the thing that needs to click in my brain, YOU don’t give a FUCK about me. You never did. You never will. I’m slowly starting to realize that no matter how badly I wanted us to work, it was never going to because you didn’t want it to. I realized that I was trying to fix something that you didn’t even care, broke. You didn’t want me to fix us. I think that’s why it hurts so much, because I led us down this road. We could still be doing ‘us’ if I would’ve just kept my mouth shut. If I would’ve behaved. I read this quote the other day, it said “you can either suffer in silence and destroy yourself or take the leap, say something and destroy the relationship”. It’s the what if’s that kill me. What if I said nothing at all and allowed you to continue to fall? What if I didn’t do what I did ? They kill me, but subconsciously I know that you and I would never work. We are like the same person in different bodies. I know that you won’t change. I hurt you, even on accident you will go out with the evil intentions to hurt me on purpose. I would be miserable. See I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to grow. I want to thrive. I want to be clean. I want that White picket fence family. I just don’t see you wanting that, or even getting that. You thrive on making everyone around you, miserable. You will never be happy until you sit back and recognize that it’s not everyone else. Notice how when I did what I did, i apologized for it. Profusely apologized. When you told me about what you had done. That’s all you did. You told me. You didn’t care how it made me feel. You didn’t care that I spent 4 days waiting for everyone to fall asleep so I could break down and cry myself to sleep. I beat myself up for weeks and weeks. It wasn’t just because you knew, it was because I am not like that. I sense that you finding that out, was the perfect excuse to leave me. I know that what I did was deranged. What you are doing to me ? It’s pure evil. I wouldn’t wish this pain on even my worst enemy. I wouldn’t wish loving a narcissist on anyone. I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy to fall for someone and nobody be there to catch them. I wouldn’t wish loving YOU on a single soul. I hope one day you wake up and grasp the fact that you need to change, in order to be happy. I wish nothing but happiness on you, but that’s just how I am as a person. Get the job, get the girl, take her to court and at least attempt to have a relationship with your kid, be happy for fucks sake. I hope you can love someone as deeply and purely as I love you. Wake up, please.

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popculturebuffet · 5 years ago

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OK KO Reviews: Back In Red Action

As you can probably tell by the fact Red Action week started 4 days ago my schedule slipped a bit, with a bunch of unexpected stuff, an expected job for a friend, and a day of laziness with the isle of armor meant I never got around to writing it. As such i’ve decided to play catchup.. all 3 reviews, HOPEFULLY all in one day. And yes 3 as I decided to cut Plaza Prom for a number of reasons: It’s not all that necessary, I was doing it more for myself, and if I find time before or after pride ends, I can easily cover it in isolation, so being done in a timely manner isn’t an issue like it is for the red action ones, or the other three pride month reviews I have planned after red action week. So witht hat dust settled let’s talk about Enid. While I went on about Enid a LOT last time, for good reason, a LOT has happened since episode 3 as you’d probably guess, episodes I will cover in the future because enid is awesoeme. And the two episodes that built her up a bit had plaza prom as the creamy filling for that airing sandwitch, and were unsuprisingly good. But since we’re not covering them just yet Enid confronted her ex best friend and dealt with her and rad’s bumpy past, and that coupled with our previous episodes and some others have melted down her walls a bit. She’s still a bit distant, and still terrible at her job as ever, but she’s grown as a person and grown past her past. Now it’s her turn to do what K.O. has done for her, he was inttrumental in getting her to stop ignoring Elodie and confront her, for someone else. Let’s recap this. back in red action under the cut...

We open with a normal day at the Plaza and Enid’s alone, with K.O. offscreen and Rad not in this episode so he’s not around and Gar clearly gone or else he’d be yelling at enid probably. Enid’s checking around on her phone and after checking to see if anyone’s there, once again decides to look at Red’s social because that’s not creepy. But Enid browses it wondering why Red came here in the first place, figuring there’s probably better food, better this , better that and trips up on a picture of Red with her old girlfriend, Yellow Technique.. and yeah i’m not beating around the bush, while they never come right out and SAY IT, the episode contextualizes things as such. I Mean granted given my shipping habits on this blog, you can see i’m willing to ship plenty of kids together, and even then only in a “Awww” holding hands, maybe an awkard kiss way, and am a shipping monster who has plenty, but here i have no horse in this race, it’s just really obvious subtext.

Anyways enough Cul De Sacs, Enid sees a new picture... Red taking a selfie with an unaware Enid.. and who probably just heard Enid’s last few sentences and at the very least dosen’t care. After a flirty “Hey Ya” and enid awkardly hiding her phone, Red buys some gum for cover then invites Enid to hang out for the afternoon then leaves. Then KO pops up out of nowhere hilariously, and for his only scene this episode to gush about Enid’s sorta date, though Enid is paranoid it’s just a setup for some sorta joke or prank.. which given that red was willing to set a child on fire while her friend spanked him because that’s not weird at all, yeah kinda a good point, even if she’s ignoring the obvious signals that, for once, Red seems to be genuine. She WAS a bit awkward at times during asking her out, pausing or stammering, she just quickly recovered. But it also shows the downside, if breifly to red’s kind of life: If your an ass to everybody, even people who genuinely like you may worry your just messing with them.

But when Enid goes to return the gum, she finds Red not only waiting but ninja snatching the gum.. and doing that to a NINJA takes skill. Top notch. Enid realizing this isn’t a prank holy fuck her crush really did ask her out out of nowhere, suggests a few things before Red shoots them down gently and revealz their going crusing. She also has enid turn her back and cover her ears while she summons her submarine.. using a sentai/power rangers set of poses and summon chant, as you do. With their ride here and enid buckeled into Red’s Submarine, and Red dodging any questions Enid has about her past , you know, the oppsitie of normal first date behavior. Everyone knows your supposed to talk a lot, get them coffee, look deep in her eyes and tell her about your family, hold hands then shoot cocaine into your eyes and rock a buglarly.

But no instead of any of that Red has something just as romantic and dangerous planned their going high into the...

Which, befiting this wonderful show, is an actual place that’s full of explosions, maurading gangs and dinosaurs.. I mean every place is full of dinosaurs but this place has extra dinosaurs. It’s like the savage land if it didn’t annoy me as a setting. So the two cruise on exotica style, though in a great bit Red keeps enid from unbuckling, and when asked about her past again Red dodges and instead takes them down thunder road, where the lightining strikes.... I.. I can’t stop waxing lyircal this review. Help. On thunder road the two share a moment when both go up top and see how damn pretty the place is, what with all the glowing orbs, Red gets electrocuted and both look at each other lovingly at diffrent points with that faded light effect, you know the one. I”d name it jeremy but it definitely has a name. The two really bond and it’s telling that it’s those moments where things go well: Enid’s not nervously trying to ask first date questions, if not wrongfully and Red isn’t running from them. Their just two teenagers attracted to one another getting to know you getting to know all about you.. getting to know if you like me. Anyways, enough of my nonsense that’s now clearly a medical condition, Red’s old friends show up to spoil the mood, with Red brushing them off as performance artists, and a chase insues.. and it’s really well done. I’ll get into this more in a minute. The two max max race, Enid gets into the cockpit and makes good use of it as it’s just like shooting womp rats back home. With help from red, they manage to get two of the hue troop cars to collide and the two hide behind a sign despite it telling them not to back to the future style. It’s here we get into the heart of the episode and what makes it really work for me: For most of the season, before and though not as often after this, Enid’s been standofish even to people she cares about, blunt and hard to get to open up. But the two incidents I mentoined last time that caused her to harden her heart and swallow her tears... got some closure in thos enidcentric eps. IN short Elodie returned and Enid tried to act like it didn’t bother her and Elodie throwing their relationship away like hot garbage for her own admitssion into point and then came back smug as ever, but KO once again got through to her and convinced her that she needed to face her and in a stunning action sequence, i’ll gush about it more when I review the episode eventually she whalloped her and got closure, even if Elodie was ssitll super popular. She then patched things up with rad after Cupid showed up to force her and rad on a date to deal with their sexual tension since Rad went on one with her in middle school that went terribly because rad listend to his friends and his friends are obnoxious piles of toxic masculinty who sucked and were not unsuprisngly phased out of most of season 2 aside from the one episode they were needed and only showed up in season 3 for rad to tell them off. It went poorly, Enid nearly died and Rad saved her and apologized for being a dick, taking the two from would be exes who are understandibly bitter to best friends at long last.

So Enid’s healed some of her wounds.. sure she’s still standoffish.. but she’s finally opening up and letting the right ones in. And now it’s Red’s turn. Red has the same problem: She dosen’t hide but she does run or scream at issues, and as someone who tends to be quick to anger I totally understand that, a tendency to lash out due to some other thing bothering you even when the person did nothing wrong. But her crush, and now possible relationship with, Enid gets Red to finally stop dodging Enid’s questions and open up and we get Red, and her friends Backstory Red and Friends are The Hue Troop, a group of warriors founded by a woman who long ago found a powerful prisim that linked to the mysterious Zordon-like alien Ren-Bow, a precog who could sense oncoming disasters and thus empowered the woman and her 4 friends with attitude to stop them. Like Minority Report meets Power Rangers but the Minioirty Report part actually works. And like civil war 2 if the leaders of both factions weren’t douchebags especially you Carol. But given the fight is eternal they pased their powers on generation after generation , and it was Red and co’s turn. But Red chafed at being part of a team, wearing uniforms, following orders from a rock, doing sily poses, which came to a boil when she accidently, truly accidently broke the Prisim and rather than face up to what she’d done, ran for it and thus ended up here, hiding from her past in the past. It’s also revealed Enid’s one way crush on her is not one way. Red had also been stalking HER social media, like Enid too intimidated to make a move before now, though we DO have an explination for what changed things coming. She liked how unlike Red enid had her own style, moves and a disregard for authority. it also frankly explains a lot about Red. spent her whole life probably, given we see what could be a kid version of red or red’s mom in the finale, preparing to be a hue trooper, given the whole generational thing i’m theorizing the Hue Troop we see are the kids of either the first gen hue troop or the second, the flashback also supporting this. Her whole life being what other people told her to be, following orders doing poses.. not being her own woman. So when being forced to turn fugitive meant she had to hide, it also meant she was free to do what she want, and went about it in the worst way: being rude to people and lashing out at them because she could, only spearing the girl she found cute and her two friends, who went along with the beahavior likely due to both liking red and being deeply insecure themselves as we saw last time, from her obnoxiousness. Even if it wasn’t a generational thing, I still supset the pressure of having to be part of a regimented group drained her and rather than talk about it she likely just avoided it like she tends to do.. and like ENID tends to do.. So it’s says something for Enid’s own development when she encourages Red, who also asked her out since Red figured shed idn’t have much time left, to STOP RUNNING and face her problems.. and punch them in the face.

Yellow shows up right as Red agrees, and a fight breaks out.. and a damn good one. I put a pin in this earlier, but the shows battle scenes, vechicalr and man to mand, are utterly gorgeous, well coregraphed and part of why I belive the animation style is so simplified. Besides allowing for the necessarily unique background cast, it also means that when it’s time for an action scene they can go balls out and give it everything without the episodes taking as long as say steven universe or a disney show.And it shows as even this brief fight is tense, well done and full of emotion as Red’s ex and her former friends fight Red and her new girlfriend with both sides having every reason to go at it. It’s crimnally cut short when a metor hits.. the same metor delivers the crystal. While the rest of the Hue Troop instantly realize this and run, Red dosen’t because it was in the distant past.. and in a great move Enid has to tell her dumbass girlfriend that they ARE in HER past. They run, Red is hit and we get the cover image for the shippers and to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that yes this was a date. They didn’t steal a few picassos while on a sexy date heist but still.

Also Red stole the crystal, and her friends assume it was her plan all along. Red almost takes credit for it.. but a glare from Enid shoots that plan down and Red, once again genuinely opens up, apologizing for running from them and her problems,and implicitly hurting Yellow, as while they clearly aren’t together anymore, either due to this or other shenanigans, it still had to hurt what red did. She also thanks Enid for being the one to show her the error of her ways. that being said with a fresh prisim, it’s just as likely that the Hue Troop can now clone it and get a copy back to the past for Red to be her own grandma, as I theroize given the finale again and all and red still being around.. more on that nexttime, the troop have a working prisim till then. They part as friends with the rest of the troop encoourging enid to visit sometime and Yellow giving her approval and getting her own closure as the troop leaves. And so we end as Red and Enid decide to resume their everything but saying it’s a date date and go Lava Surfing as they drive out into the sunset. THE END.

Final Thoughts: Just as good on rewatch as the first time around and a great ep, not just for the LBGTQ rep, as while I belivie we’ve seen a bi flag sticker on enid’s bike helmet at this point, and would in all future appearances of it and she’d later stick one on her flying motorcycle she gets in the last season, and there was subetext with elody and red and text with rad, this showed she was a bisexual beyond any shadow of a doubt and did everything short of having them kiss, that comes later, to confirm it. But besides being one of the series delightfully gayest episodes, it has good story, good charcter progression for enid as we see how far she’s come from those early episodes, and Red gets a good character arc that both explains her past actions and has her grows as a person. And we’ll see more of this next time as we hit 88 miles per hour and Red Action to the Future. Until then, follow for more reviews of animated shows, check my blog for more as I have pages for each show, and hit me up iwth an ask if you have a show you’d like me to review or force me to review it for 2 bucks by asking for a commission!

#ok ko #back in red action #rednid #enid #red action #ko #drupe #the hue troop #yellow technique #black strategy #blue power #green guts #elodie #ok ko let's be heroes #lbgtq #lbgtq+#pride month #red action week

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talesofstyles · 6 years ago

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Mates

Hello! What have we got here? A best friend!H. Does it have smut? Yes ma’am. Have I ever written smut before? Absolutely not. Do I want to run and hide in the darkest deepest part of the earth after writing this? YES.

Bless @waitingfortwilight (+for proofreading it!) and @all-things-fic because they’re most likely sick of hearing me talking about this in our group chat for the past few weeks, but hey it’s done now ;) also to @harrysdimplles for being excited with me!

Hope you like it and tell me what you think! xx

It was around six thirty in the morning when Harry woke up. He is one of the ten percent of the global population who are morning larks. He absolutely loves waking up early in the morning and almost never stays in bed past eight.

Meanwhile, you are the complete opposite. You are truly, definitely, utterly, completely, absolutely not a morning person. You hate waking up in the morning. You always set your alarm ten minutes before the actual time you need to get up so that you’ve got time to be pissed in bed because you have to wake up. Poor Harry made the mistake of waking you up early in the morning, thinking you’d join him for a morning run a week after both of you had settled into your new shared flat, and boy did he regret that decision. You’d given him a right bollocking, and sulked around like a stroppy child for the rest of the day.

You were never a morning person, so that was why Harry was confused when he heard sounds coming from the kitchen as he walked through to make himself a cup of coffee. He was looking down, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes as he entered the kitchen, so he didn’t realise the tall figure stirring coffee in the mug next to him wasn’t you.

“Morning mate,” greeted the man before he took a sip of his coffee.

Harry mumbled in response before it was cut with a yawn. “Mor- whoa,” he raised his palm to make a stop sign, and continued after he finished yawning. “You don’t live here.”

“Uh,” awkward silence filled the kitchen. “I don’t.”

“What are you doing here?” He knew it was a stupid question, but that somehow didn’t stop him from asking.

“Er, uh,” the guy looked down at his mug for a second before he answered. “Visiting.”

“Visiting what? My roommate’s uterus?”

The guy took a big gulp of his coffee and sat the mug down in the sink. “Uh, I’ll get going. Nice seeing you again, Harry.”

“Alright, bye bye now,” Harry said as the other guy disappeared from the kitchen, before muttering, “what a nonce,” under his breath.

Harry wasn’t usually mean. He was all about treating people with kindness, but apparently the motto didn’t apply to his roommate’s exes. It had nearly been a month since you broke up with Jamie.

Boy, was he fit. He’s still fit. He’s so fit. Legit ten out of ten. Was that the reason you keep getting back together even though you knew for sure that the relationship was toxic? Probably. But hey, you were a young woman in your early twenties; as young as a spring chicken, still naïve—and shallow, apparently—so nobody can blame you.

Jamie was your first serious boyfriend, because no—we are not going to count that nerdy bloke with glasses who used to do your maths homework in year 6. You were together on and off for four years, but you decided that enough was enough. It was your decision to end things in the first place, but that didn’t mean that you were okay with it. You did it because you knew it was the right thing to do—but deep down you knew you didn’t want it to end. Because controlling and guilt-inducing aside, Jamie was a nice bloke. He’s got a great sense of humour (unlike your darling roommate whose jokes tend to give you physical pain), and good Lord those lips always seem to know what you want to hear every single time. He’s romantic; such a good cook, and goodness gracious glory you, those abs. That face. Those green eyes that twinkle every time he talks about something that he is passionate about. He was a dream. But again, you knew ending it was the right thing to do.

You’d barely left your flat during the first week after your break up. You were so miserable, and Harry tried everything he could to cheer you up, but he didn’t have a lot of experience in helping girls get through a break up. All he knew about break ups was the fact that there were three phases (thank you Chandler) - phase one: sweatpants, phase two: getting drunk and going to a strip club, and phase three: picturing themselves with other people. He did offer to accompany you to a strip club incase you wanted to, but you threw one of the pillows on the couch at him for suggesting such a thing. So he just let you be. He threw away your healthy—re: shit—ice cream and swapped it with Ben and Jerry’s because he knew that you like to eat ice cream whilst watching Sleepless In Seattle or You’ve Got Mail, or basically any rom-coms that you decided to watch that night. He did the washing up for seven days in a row without moaning, and he even did some of your laundry too. He didn’t press you to talk it out, but he made sure that you knew that he was there for you.

You were so much better during the second week. In fact, you were too much better. Harry was surprised that it only took you a week to get over a four year relationship, but he was pleased to have his happy, bubbly roommate back. He was a little suspicious, but he brushed it off. He thought maybe you didn’t really love Jamie and that was why you were quick to get back on your feet. Or maybe you just had the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. He’d never know.

Third week? You were back to square one.

“Well, well, well, look who’s up,” Harry greeted you as you appeared in the kitchen whilst he was beating the eggs and watching Gordon Ramsay as he did the same thing on his iPad. “Morning, love. Late night, eh? Y/N and Jamie sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G~”

“Morning,” you answered plainly. It was way too early for you to be arsed about his teasing remarks.

“So,” He paused as he added some crème fraiche into the pan. “Are you gonna tell me what happened last night? How that happened? You two getting back together?”

You sighed as you made your way to the counter where your nespresso machine sat. You put a capsule into the machine and turned it on because you needed some caffeine in your system before you could talk about it. Although you had a feeling by looking at Harry’s smirk that you were going to need a much stronger drink.

“Nah,” you replied and let out a yawn before you continued. “Was just a booty call.”

“A booty call?” Harry looked up from the pan at you. “Are you cool enough?”

“I am cool. The coolest I’ve ever been. In fact, I’m so cool that I’m gonna text him again for another booty call tonight. And maybe this time we can go out and have a booty breakfast.”

“You, my friend, are the furthest thing from cool. As the President of the casual sex society, local chapter—I call bull on your booty.”

“What?” You frowned. “It’s just a booty call.”

“Not with you it isn’t. You think that booty breakfast will maybe lead to a booty dinner, then maybe booty engaged and booty married, and have a couple booty kids and a booty retirement home, and then booty die together.”

“That isn’t true!” You protested.

“Yes it is! You know it is.” He went on. “You two keep going on and off you’re like Rihanna and Chris Brown, minus the punching and the duet.” Harry insisted as he put the eggs on two plates for both of you. “You were already doing so good last week, don’t go back there again.”

“Well, girls gotta eat!” you grumbled like a three year old whose candy had just been taken away, and Harry let out a chuckle.

“Go eat!” he stressed. “But don’t eat at the same restaurant.”

You huffed. “I don’t do one night stands.”

“So don’t stand. Lay down.” He grinned as he caught the cherry tomato that you threw at him in response. “Seriously, love, you need to get over him. He was a bellend.”

“You’re a bellend.”

“Oi! I was just trying to help!” this time he scrunched up a kitchen towel and threw it your way. “Listen, we’re going out tonight, yeah? S’gonna be fun.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“Alright, then. But remember, you can’t call Jamie again. I know it’s really not my business but you’re my best friend and I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I won’t.” You reassured him.

Harry reached out his pinky finger. “Pinky promise?”

“Oh my God, what are you? Five?” You took a sip of your coffee before you gave in and reached out yours. “Fine, promise. Happy now?”

***

“Harry!”

He sighed at hearing his name being yelled again for the third time. You had been quite short with him somehow even though he did nothing wrong. You weren’t usually like that and he knew it was just because you were upset, so he gave you a dick pass.

“What?” Harry asked you as he stood up from the couch to find you. “What did I do now?”

“I just changed the toilet roll three days ago and it’s already gone! How dirty is your arse?!” You grumbled.

Harry looked at you in disbelief. “For fucks sake woman it’s three quid for nine bleeding rolls!”

“Aye! Sorry didn’t know we’re a Tory household now, splashing money around like we won the lottery.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “Alright that’s it. Let’s get you out of the house. You’re mean at home.”

“Hey!” You swat his arm in response to his remark. Then he ended up showing off the arm that you hit playfully and pointed at it to prove his point.

“See?! Come on, let’s go get changed. Spit spot. Move along now. You can go and get ready now voluntarily or I’ll just drag you out by force in your two days old pyjamas. The choice is yours.” He shrugged and opened his palms.

You huffed but you did what he told you to do anyway, because maybe he was right—you needed the change of scenery. You wanted to just get back in bed since it was Saturday and took a three hour nap, but you knew that pest of a roommate of yours wouldn’t let you, and you knew that what he said wasn’t an empty threat. So, you went to take a quick shower and get ready.

“Seriously, where are we going?” You asked Harry as you waited for him to start his orange Vespa scooter.

“Ah ah ah,” Harry shook his head. “What did I say before? No questions, just put your helmet on.”

“Are you gonna kidnap me?”

“We live together!”

“Yeah, but who knows? Maybe you’re after my kidney.”

“Oh my God woman just shush, put your helmet on and hop on so we can get going, yeah? S’gonna be fun, promise. No kidney stealing or some other dodgy stuff.”

You couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle for the first time in a while, and Harry grinned. “See? You’re better outside.”

After putting the helmet on, you hopped onto the scooter and you held his waist. But then you felt his hands reaching for your arms to wrap it around his tummy and rest it on his belly button, making you sit closer to him. Your front was nearly glued to his back, which you were sure they would be in a second when you hit the road because the slightest bump would shift you forward.

You weren’t sure what it was. You weren’t sure why you were feeling a little flustered being that close to Harry. For a second you thought maybe it was just because you had broken up recently and your emotions were out of whack. That wasn’t the closest you’d ever been with Harry. You were both—still are—massive cuddlers, so it wasn’t rare for you two to sit on the couch cuddling as you watched whatever it was on the telly. You tried to brush it off. Besides, Harry was fit—still is and forever will be—so you told yourself it’s normal and that you don’t need to fret about it.

After a million bumps and sudden brakes, you both arrived in Camden. You thought Harry was going to take you to the market, but he surprised you by stopping the scooter in front of a grey building.

“Alright, get down and wait for me here, I’ll be back in a tick, just gonna park there.” He said, and you hopped down immediately, handing him your helmet afterwards.

He was back with you shortly with a huge grin plastered across his face. “Ready t’av some fun?”

“Oh!” you exclaimed. “Is it one of those escape room thing? Oh my God Harry, we are both dumb—we’ll never get out!”

Harry protested. “Hey!”

You burst into laughter when you saw the look on his face. Neither of you had ever been to an escape room before, so you didn’t know what to expect. But you couldn’t deny that you were quite excited, although never in a million years would you admit that to Harry’s face.

It turned out that you were required to book the room beforehand, and obviously you hadn’t since it was pretty spontaneous. Fortunately, there was one room left available right away.

“We only have the Zen Room available for now, would that be alright with you?” The receptionist kindly offered you.

“Oh, what is it about?” Harry asked her.

“Basically your mission is to help an orphaned Japanese girl retrieve her priceless family heirlooms. Are you familiar with Asian culture? Also it’s not a requirement but if you can speak Japanese that would make it so much easier.” She explained.

“Well, I know a bit about the culture, yeah,” Harry nodded.

You lifted your eyebrow as you looked at him. “What do you know?”

“Well, I went to BLACKPINK concert once.” He gave a lopsided grin and the receptionist had a little chuckle.

“Oh my God.” You facepalmed. “We’re never getting out aren’t we?”

Harry insisted that it was going to be just fine and that it was going to be fun so you agreed to do it. The receptionist gave you a quick briefing before walking you to the end of the hall where the Zen Room was.

“There’s a screen inside and I will give you clues from time to time. Have fun!” she said as she opened the door for both of you. You thanked her and as soon as the door was closed, the light turned on and you scanned the room around you.

The room wasn’t big, but there was something like a sliding door that you were sure that would open at some point and there’s got to be another room behind that.

“Oh bollocks! Everything is in Japanese, I can’t read anything.” You grumbled as you began looking around for clues.

Harry mumbled nonchalantly. “I can speak Japanese.”

“What?! I didn’t know that.” You replied. Feeling a little relieved and for the first time you thought maybe you two were going to nail it.

He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. “You never asked.”

“Alright, say something.” You requested, curious about what would he sound like speaking in foreign language. He was shit in French but you thought maybe he was good in Japanese?

“Uh, konnichiwa. Arigatou gozaimasu.”

You shook your head. “No, not just hi and thank you. Say a proper sentence.”

“I can’t. That’s the only words I know.”

“THAT’S IT?!” you hollered.

“Hey, it’s still Japanese!” he argued.

“Two words don’t count!”

“Knowledge is a knowledge no matter how small!” he insisted.

You could go on but you realised that you had a more important task. You wanted to solve the mystery before the time ran out because they gave free ice cream if you manage to get out in under an hour, and you were willing to fight for free ice cream, so you told Harry to find as much clues as he could in one part of the room whilst you searched the other part.

Harry jumped up in surprise and tumbled when the telly suddenly turned on and the receptionist’s face appeared on the screen. You cackled, and the receptionist failed to stifle her snigger. “Sorry, are you alright?” she asked.

“Well, physically I’m fine.” He replied. “Emotionally, I’m bruised.”

You howled at his response and the fact that he was looking down at the floor in embarrassment made it even harder for you to control your laughter. The girl gave you the first clue and told you to try to open the wooden box in the corner of the room. You tried to move things around before you heard Harry squeal when he found a bunch of keys.

“Hey, look at what I found!” he beamed proudly.

“What?” You asked curiously. “What is it?”

He showed you the keys that he found and shook it to make a rattling noise. “Keys!”

“Aaah! Open it! Open it!”

He struggled to get the key into the keyhole. He had tried five different keys and none of them seemed to work. “It doesn’t fit!” He grumbled, but then giggled not even two seconds afterwards. “Hehehe.”

You looked at him in confusion. “Why are you laughing?”

“If I got a penny for every time I said that.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t think any of those keys will work. That’s too easy. There’s got to be something else.”

It was safe to say that you both sucked at it. You had been in the room for twenty minutes and so far both of you had only found two little coins, a silk hand fan and a bunch of useless keys. You had tried to open every drawer and looked at underneath the tables but you found nothing. But then the sliding door suddenly opened and both of you looked at each other in horror.

“Did- what- how?!” you gasped.

“I’ve got no idea! Do you think this room is haunted?” he deadpanned. He knew you were a wimp and he found pleasure from the look of your face.

You scolded him. “HARRY!”

He giggled and walked behind you into the other room. Actually, he knew why the door opened—because he opened it. He was moving some paintings around and as soon as he moved that painting of a fish on the wall, the door opened, but there was no way on earth he would tell you that. And being the pest that he was, he made some creepy, breathy sound of your name to wind you up, making you shudder in fear.

“Harry I swear to God if you don’t stop, the first thing I’m going to do the second we get out of here is to kill you.” You threatened him, and he howled in response.

There was a giant sudoku on the wall, a table with some antiques on top of it and an empty aquarium. Great. You were shit at sudoku and you were sure that Harry was even worse.

“Oooh! Sudoku!” Harry clapped his hands excitedly.

You glanced at him. “Do you know how to play it?”

“Of course! I’m really good at it. I’m the best. I’m the king of sudoku!”

“Have you ever played it?”

He shook his head. “Not once in my whole life.”

“Oh God, we’re never getting out.”

“Come on, let’s just put those numbers in the slot.” He suggested as he began to take the wooden numbers out of the box.

“That’s not how it goes.” You folded your arms and Harry tilted his head at you, his forehead furrowed.

“That’s literally how it goes!”

“I mean,” you licked your lips for a second out of habit before you went on. “There’s got to be some rules. We can’t just put random num- ah! I remember we can’t put the same numbers in one region!”

“You’ll find me in the region of the summer stars~”

You smacked your forehead with your palm when he started to sing. After knowing him for a year and a half and lived together for about seven months, you knew that he sings 24/7. Most of the times it’s nice because you couldn’t deny that he’s got beautiful voice, but sometimes it makes you want to tape his mouth shut.

“Shut your trap and just put it in!”

“I love it when you talk dirty to me.” He smirked at you as he put a nine and another nine but upside down next to each other in the slots.

You rolled your eyes. “That’s upside down you absolute spoon.”

You ended up doing the sudoku alone because Harry was shit at it. You weren’t much better, but you were better nonetheless. He decided to go and look for other clues. When you were done with the sudoku—re: gave up—you frowned when you looked around and couldn’t find Harry. You walked to the other room and you finally found the bloke sat on the floor in the corner of the room eating a Twix.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“I need to gain strength. You want a bite?” He replied as he took another bite of the chocolate bars. Yes, he always took a bite of both of them at once because he didn’t want one of the chocolates to get lonely in his tummy.

You chuckled. “Mate we’re shit at this we haven’t even done much.”

“But still fun, right? You’re having fun?” His eyebrows waggled as he licked his fingers after the last bite of the chocolate.

“I am. But I give up.”

He cackled. “We can still get ice cream after this if y’want? Screw free ice cream.”

“You’re buying?” You grinned at him, and he nodded.

“You know what? I’ve got a better idea. We’ll go to Shake Shack after this for some burgers and frozen custard cause daddy don’t skimp.”

“Great!” you cheered. “Am starving.”

“I swear you’re either starving, freezing or fuming.”

“I want to deny but you’re right.”

“What? Say tha’ again, can’t hear ya,” he teased.

You just sat together until the time ran out and the door opened, accepting the fact that you were just shit at it but hey at least you tried. After that, Harry fulfilled his promise of buying you a burger and frozen custard.

“Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo~” Harry started to sing again as soon as you sat down at the table with your food.

“……”

“Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo~”

“……”

“Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up and that’s how we get hamburgers~”

***

“Y’alright ya wee cunt?” You greeted Harry, who had some random bird’s mouth attached to his neck. You were sure it would leave a mark or two. “How you been deein’?”

Harry pulled his neck away from the bird as soon as he heard you. “For God’s sake mate how much you’ve been drinking?!”

“Eh,” you shrugged. “Just a couple.”

“A couple my arse! C’mon let’s get you home, yeah?”

“What about your b- wait Harry, your bird’s gone!”

“S’alright. Not important. Let’s just get you home before you start calling people cunts again.”

“Hey! I don’t call people that.”

“You literally just called me that!”

“Well yeah that’s my pet name for you but I don’t call other people that.”

“What kind of pet name is that?!” Harry said as he held your hand and began walking towards the door. But just a couple steps away from the door, Rolling in the Deep came on and Harry gasped. “Oh fuck!”

“Wanna stay for this one song?” You smirked at him and you knew he wouldn’t say no.

***

The next morning you woke up feeling like you had just been hit by a truck. Your head was in bits and the rain outside sounded more like gunfire to you. You didn’t remember much from the night before and you surely didn’t know how you got home since you weren’t sure how pissed Harry was last night, but the fact that you woke up alone in your own bed made you sigh in relief.

“Morning, love. Coffee?” Harry greeted as he spotted you in the kitchen.

“Ssshh, why are you yelling?” You grumbled as you covered both of your ears with your hands.

Harry chuckled lightly and whispered. “I’m not? But alright. How are you feeling?”

“My head’s in bits. How much did I drink last night?”

“Well, the club’s gone because you drank it.” He teased. “Also you called me a cunt three times so you obviously had tequila.”

“Did I try to call him?”

“Yes. And you ran to the loo when I tried to take your phone away.”

“Did you manage to take it?”

“That I didn’t because I didn’t want people to think I was snooping in a ladies toilet. They’d kick me out.”

“Oh fuck! I called him didn’t I?”

“Nah, you didn’t. After you came in, I peeked inside and shouted so everyone could hear that you were about to call your ex. There were a couple girls inside and they talked you out of it.”

You couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle, and you wished you’d remembered it because that sounded funny. “What would I do without you, H.”

“Hey, s’nothing. What do you want to do today?” He asked you as he poured some muesli into the bowls.

“Sleep.”

And that was what you did for most of the day. After you had breakfast you took a nap and woke up around two in the afternoon. It was raining cats and dogs outside so you settled on the couch watching Friends because you spent the last few weeks watching rom-coms and if you watched another rom-com you swore you would lose your shit. You were snuggling up to Harry’s side, his left arm wrapped around you as you laughed at Joey and Rachel bickering. There were some slices of pizza left on the coffee table because none of you could be arsed to cook, along with two cans of coke.

“Do you want to finish that?” You asked Harry, tilting your head to the box of pizza.

Harry yawned before he answered. “I’m full.”

“Alright, I’ll clean that up.” You said as you rose from the couch.

“I’ll help.” Harry immediately picked up the box and you put the drinks on top of the box before you bent over to wipe the coffee table. “Watch out!” Harry warned you, but it was too late. Your back bumped the box of pizza, making the remaining coke spill all over his Rolling Stones shirt.

“Oh God, I’m sorry!” You panicked because you knew that was his favourite t-shirt. You grabbed a couple tissues right away and began rubbing the stained part of the shirt hoping it would help take away some of the liquid before it was stuck to the fabric. “Harry, I’m sor-“

You weren’t sure how it happened, but the next thing that happened surprised you. His lips were pressed against yours all of sudden, cutting you mid-sentence. He broke the kiss for two seconds to put the box of pizza and the cokes back on the table before leaning back to you and pressing his lips against yours again. You’d soften up this time around. You knew that was wrong. It was Harry and he was your best friend, not to mention that you live together and that would complicate the shit out of things. But it just felt so right. You never thought you would actually kiss him and you thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. You parted your lips when he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip subtly, his hands moved from your back to cup your jaw.

You couldn’t help but let out a little giggle against his lips when you felt something poking you in the stomach. Harry pulled his lips away instantly as soon as he realised what made you giggle. The look on his face made it harder for you to stifle your snigger.

“Shit,” his breaths quickened. “Sorry. I- I didn’t know what came over me. We’ve never- I shouldn’t have-“

You laughed as you dropped to your knees, and you swore Harry looked like he’d just seen a ghost. His pupils were dilated and he took in a sharp breath. “Y/N what are you doing?”

“Hunting elephants.”

“I’m serious.”

“What do you think? Is it not obvious?” You asked.

“It is. Fuck, I mean- you sure? You’re gonna-“ he blabbered.

“Suck you off, yes.” You cut him short and nodded.

He was less tense by then, a grin creeping up on his face “Such a dirty mouth.”

“Well I’m about to put your dick in my mouth so I’m not really concerned about oral hygiene right now.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hehehe.” He giggled, and you looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

“You’re gonna see my willy.”

“I know.”

“I’ve got some hair there.”

“Okay.”

“Not a lot because I still shave a little to keep it nice and pretty but-“

“Harry,”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, sorry.”

You didn’t know what came over you to make you want to do it, but it was a bit too late to chicken out, and frankly you wanted to do it. In four years of a relationship—yes, on and off but we’re going to round that up for dramatic purpose—you only gave Jamie head once so really, you didn’t know what came over you.

You knew he wasn’t small. You saw a glimpse of it a couple months prior when he forgot to lock the bathroom door, but you certainly didn’t get a good look of it. Little did you know that the next time you look at it, it’d nearly poke you in the eye.

His eyes widened when you looked up to him, muttering a series of profanities under his breath. You took a deep breath before taking it into your hand, and he choked on his breath as soon as your hand came into contact. He felt heavy in your hand. He was hard and you could see him already leaking from the tip.

“Give it a kiss, love. Please.” He begged, and you obliged. Kissing the tip lightly, before you began licking from the base to the tip. You weren’t really sure what to do, but the noises that he made egged you on so you thought maybe you were doing fine. His head lolled back when you gently sucked the tip.

The grunts and praises that kept flowing out of his mouth encouraged you to take it further into your mouth. It felt really heavy and you could just feel it weighing down on your tongue as he pushed past your lips. You took the rest of him in your hand and you began to work your hand and mouth around him in sync. You knew that there was a slight chance that both of you would regret what you were doing, but it didn’t matter in that moment.

You knew that he was close when he started whining. You let him go for a second to ask him before it was too late. “Where do you want it?”

You could hear his ragged breathing but he couldn’t form a sentence - that was how fucked up he was. You let him go again for a second. “Okay, aim wherever you like, just don’t get it in my ha- MATE YOU HAD ONE JOB!”

“Sor- sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He apologised as he fell down to the couch behind him, trying to even his breathing. “Love, that was, wow I- wow I can’t even speak.”

You chuckled. “S’alright. You’re welcome by the way.”

“You.” He shook his head in disbelief, still grinning from ear to ear. “Didn’t know you have it in you, babe.”

“I’m gonna take a shower then we’re gonna go out and play laser tag.” You smirked as you jumped to your feet.

“What?”

“What? You don’t want to play laser tag?”

“Well yeah of course I want to. S’fun seeing you curse at a bunch of eight year olds and make them cry.” He paused to take another deep breath before he went on. “But, uh, you don’t want me to reciprocate?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Maybe later.” You gave him a lopsided grin.

“Fine we’re going. But-“

“What?”

“Wanna snog again before we go and get ready?”

You nodded sheepishly. “Okay.”

bow chicka wow wow

#harry styles #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry x reader #harry x y/n #best friend!harry #requested #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles concepts #harry styles fic

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akp-1327 · 4 years ago

Text

dear diary // chapter one

Hi, everyone! This is the first chapter of the new series I’ve started. I hope you enjoy and stick around for future chapters! 💕

Find a series “description” and other detailing here!

Word Count: ~ 5.3k

(*) Warnings: none

July 16th, 2020

Dear Diary,

Nothing would make me happier than to visit the city. The bright lights, the busy streets, the shops, the smell of car exhaust. For all the wonders I’d discover, for all the opportunities I’d face. For the experience, for the fun.

Living in a small town is boring. It’s the same, day after day. Then as soon as you bat an eye, you’ve turned eighteen and have barely left the state. Some would call me a hobbit, some would call me lazy. But it’s hard to get out of town when your family can’t really leave because of their job and you’re too scared to learn how to drive.

The diner that my parents own is great; awesome pancakes, delicious milkshakes, and every single pie flavor you could ever imagine. It’s called the Golden Griddle and it’s located right in the heart of Cedar Cove, Oregon. You’d have to be blind to miss the sunny yellow paint (that’s ever so slowly chipping away, but don’t tell my dad) smeared on the bricks.

Anyway. I’m Charlotte, but you knew that already, didn’t you? Of course you did. Well, if you needed a reminder of my sob-worthy life story...my brother and I are adopted. But you probably remembered that, right? Wow, I need to stop ranting about how you probably remember me. You’re a literal book for God’s sake.

Wait; back on topic. I want to go to see the city. So badly. Oh, and have I mentioned that I got accepted into my dream school? New York University, here I come. How have I not written about that yet? Holy crap. NYU preparations have been coming along nicely. I already have half my room packed and almost all my dorm stuff that my mom insists on buying. My brother Henry, too. He’s going to Ohio State on a football scholarship and a desire to pursue athletic training. Big dreams!

Me, you ask? Good gracious, Diary, stop interrupting! (Oh boy, I’m talking to myself. Skye would laugh...). I’m pursuing acting and theater, of course. A major in drama and a minor in production. I’m chasing the sun here, okay? I am a future Broadway star and actress with dreams as far as the eye can see!

I am ecstatic to make the big move at the beginning of August. More updates to come. Sorry if this ending was abrupt. My dad made his famous chili tonight and I gotta go get it while it’s hot and before Henry inhales it all like the vacuum he is.

Yours, Charlotte :)

The faint, familiar smell of spices filled my senses as I put the old and tattered diary down. It was a gift I got years and years ago from a friend, but I never used it. May as well start before the wild ride of my new life starts, right?

I threw my blonde hair into a bun as I walked out of my room, avoiding boxes piled up high on the floor. Right as I stepped into the hallway, however, my foot met a ball of fluff curled right outside my doorway.

“Aw, Cooper,” I cooed, leaning down and scooping the little snowball I called a dog into my arms, cradling him close, “you’re missing all the food downstairs, buddy!”

A small whimper came from him as I made my way down the stairs. Henry was spread out on the couch and watching some sort of European soccer, er, football on the TV.

“Hey, just in time!” Henry smiled, waving me over to sit next to him. I obliged, setting Cooper down onto the floor and taking a seat next to him.

...It was crazy how he was twice my size. And how I was the older one by three whole minutes.

“What’s up, Henry?” I asked, nudging his arm. A laugh escaped his throat as he gestured to the screen and unpaused the video (wait, it was paused this entire time?). I watched the screen to see a player get hit in the head with a soccer ball.

“Hah!” Henry laughed, his deep pitch echoing off the walls. I gasped and swatted his arm.

“Henry! Laughing at someone else’s pain is so rude! What if he got a concussion that ended his career?” I said, a twinge of amusement in my tone. All in all, I loved to see my brother get all flustered. He was such a goody-two-shoes that even something like this comment would make him blow a gasket--

“He’s laughing, sis. I don’t think the dude’s hurt.” Henry said, his tone smug. Maybe college was finally really going to his head.

I shook my head with both surprise and disappointment as I stood up, gesturing for the walking vacuum to follow suit. “C’mon, knucklehead. Dinner’s almost ready.”

We both walked into the kitchen to see the finishing arrangements being set up for dinner; Mom was retrieving bowls and utensils as Dad strained the water from the elbow macaroni at the sink.

“You two are in here early,” Mom teased, giving us a side glare as she placed the bowls and spoons on the counter, “what about?”

A sweet, innocent smile crossed my face as I batted my eyelashes at her. “It just smells so good that I couldn’t stay away!”

“I’ve heard that one before, you jest. Come get your bowls.” Mom chuckled, stepping away. Henry and I grabbed a bowl right as Dad turned to us.

“Get it while it’s hot!” Dad said, grabbing a bowl of his own. Henry and I both dove for the noodles and chili, somehow managing to get our servings without making a complete mess like we usually do. It’s crazy to think of how people mature over time...

The old seats at the table squeaked as we all sat down and started to dig into our chili. A comfortable silence blanketed the table and just as I got used to it, Mom broke it.

“So, you two have been packing, yes? Even the stuff you aren’t bringing?” Mom asked sweetly, dabbing a napkin at the corners of her mouth. She’d always been the politest one in the family; too bad no one else at the table had her mannerisms.

“My room is basically packed except for some of my clothes and books,” I said in between chews of the (extremely hot) chili in my mouth, “but otherwise I’m good.”

Henry nodded and pointed his thumb at me, his eyes never leaving his bowl. “Mhmm.”

“That’s great! Your flights leave in only a matter of days!” Dad cheered, giving Mom a high five. It was such a weird but common thing to see parents do: act like teenagers.

“You sound excited about that?” Henry questioned. I looked over to see half his bowl already gone.

Mom heaved a sigh.

“We’re excited for you both to finally experience the world. We can’t wait for your lives to truly start!” Mom said, a smile encompassing her features. Her kind, brown eyes flitted between Henry and me.

“You two have the world at your fingertips,” Dad added, glancing at Mom. They shared a fond look.

At that moment, for the briefest second, I wished that I had a connection like that; a soulmate, someone who you could spill your heart out to. Someone who you could love and be loved by. Someone who’d want nothing more than to see you happy.

Also at that moment, I decided that I would make it a small goal of mine to make this wish come true during my time at NYU.

My blankets were soft around my legs as I sat propped up against my pillows. Leila and I had been talking on the phone all night. I felt like I was in that moment in Mean Girls where Gretchen was switching between Cady, Karen, and Regina. Except...I wasn’t switching between anyone at the moment.

Leila Maciel is my best friend. She’s someone with a sarcastic personality and a snarky remark to anything. She’s as smart as a whip and could, without a doubt, put you in your place if you stepped out of line with her intimidating strength. Though, she also has a soft and caring side that she only reveals to those who she deems trustworthy. A confident, kind, and bold girl indeed.

We’ve been friends for our entire high school careers, but it feels like I’ve known her my entire life.

During our freshman year, Leila was in an extremely toxic relationship. Her ex-girlfriend, a “sweet” but a rather manipulative girl, was to blame for our friendship. This girl, Sadie, ticked all of Leila’s boxes; beautiful, smart, compassionate, sweet...

Remember that Leila and I had only known each other for a month at this point.

Leila and Sadie’s relationship was adorable from the outside. Both bright-eyed and bushy-tailed freshmen with hearts in their eyes. It was something you’d see in a more realistic version of High School Musical because let’s be real...those movies aren’t realistic. (I still love them, though!)

About a year into their relationship, though, Sadie transformed from sweet to sour. She used Leila to get what she wanted like she was her very own puppet. Her antics ranged from cheating on tests to almost stealing a designer handbag before I intervened. Then, like the cherry on top of this extremely nasty sundae, Sadie revealed that she cheated on Leila with a college girl for the majority of their relationship. Let’s just say that their relationship was terminated seconds after that bombshell blew up.

Leila was broken for months. She truly believed that she loved Sadie, but upon further examination, I found that Leila felt guilty whenever she had the opportunity to say no. It had never been any sort of love; it was an obligation. Also after that relationship, Leila decided that instead of focusing on liking girls, she’d be open and love anyone. She was sick of limits.

So, here we are today.

Now, as we talked on the phone, I thought about how she’d also be going to NYU, majoring in business. We were roommates! It was like a dream come true.

“Uh, Charlotte?” Leila asked with a laugh. “You alive?”

Reality snapped back into place as I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Oh, uh, yeah. What’d you say?”

“Did you buy a fan for our dorm?” Leila asked monotonously. This made me laugh for some odd reason. “Dear Lord, what’s so funny?”

Honestly, though. What was funny, Charlotte? One could say that I was losing my mind.

“I don’t know, spur of the moment? But otherwise, yes; I got the one you pointed out at Target.” I said, surprising myself with how even my voice sounded. A familiar hum came from the other end of the line in response.

“Cool. Then you’re all set to go for next week?” Leila asked, her voice making it sound like she was smiling. I laughed again and nodded to myself.

“Yes!” Was all I could say.

Leila’s sigh was so loud that I could swear that I felt her breath through the phone. “You’re not stressing out over this, are you?”

My eyes widened at her question. Was I stressing out about this? I’d been packing for days on end without breaks. I had folded, re-folded, and re-re-folded all of my clothes several times in my duffel bag. I had splurged on so many things, like that fan Leila mentioned, without a second thought. I don’t think I’ve had a proper shower in almost a week; I was too busy being a nervous wreck.

“Maybe a little bit, but not too much,” I responded, my tone a bit somber as I tried to conceal my lie. My fingers twirled the fringed fabric of my tie blanket around as I waited for Leila’s retort.

“Stressing out over this is like a circle, Charlotte. It’s pointless,” Leila said, her voice starting to reveal her exhaustion, “and you need to relax. We’ll be fine.”

Thoughts buzzed through my mind as I contemplated her words. Would we be fine? Is “fine” even the correct word to describe this situation? How about rephrasing the entire statement entirely by saying “there is a chance that we’ll survive, but it definitely ain’t high.”? That version was more accurate, in all honesty. Moving across the country for school didn’t sound like a situation that could only earn the word “fine”.

“Aren’t you worried, though? A big city, a new city, a scary city...we’re diving into the deep end here, Leila! We have no idea what the hell we’re doing!” I panicked, squeezing my eyes closed.

Now it was Leila’s turn to laugh uncontrollably. Though, hers was more of a witch’s cackle.

“Wow, okay. First of all, we’ll stick together. Second, not knowing what we’re doing is all apart of the college experience. We’ll seriously be okay if we stick together.” Leila assured, still laughing - she never was the sympathetic type in these types of situations.

“If you think so, then I guess I need to believe it.” I yawned, tucking myself further into my blankets. Leila broke out into a yawn as well, making me think that she was actually tired for once (the girl was the definition of a night owl).

“We should get some sleep. We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” Leila stated. I could imagine her rolling her brown eyes at her own words. A laugh escaped me instead of the hum I intended on.

“Jesus, why do you keep laughing? Why do you have so much energy?” Leila groaned, making my laughter subside.

“I honestly don’t know, I’m a complete and utter mess. We’ll text tomorrow?” I suspired, resting my arm over my eyes to completely block out this embarrassing reality.

“You bet. Love you lots.” Leila said. Her declarations of love truly became more meaningful after that whole spectacle with Sadie. She had a ginormous heart of gold beneath that rough exterior.

“Love you more! Good night!” I said, hanging up after she murmured a farewell. I tossed my phone onto the soft fabric of my blanket and stared up at the ceiling, a nostalgic feeling washing over me. All of the nights during elementary school where I’d do this exact thing, except I would be thinking about my Barbie dolls or my recess adventures. Now, I thought about the future and what waited for me.

College better live up to its well-known reputation.

Before I could comprehend what was even happening, I was standing in the middle of Portland’s airport with the arms of my family around me.

Days legitimately whizzed past with nothing short of a greeting. I mean, it was already August 4th...somehow.

“You have all your bags, right?” Dad asked, his voice wavering the slightest bit. I looked down at my belongings for the fourth time; a large duffel bag of clothes, a chest full of dorm stuff and personal items (including that stupid fan, yes), and a very large and heavy carry-on stuffed with all of my technology. And, for the fourth time, I confirmed that I had everything.

“It’s all here, Dad. For the last time.” I giggled, shaking my head. He could only respond with his usual eye roll and grin.

“What about Leila? Are you completely positive that she’s on your flight?” Mom asked, her eyes inspecting mine. A sigh freed itself from my lungs as I nodded.

“She’s already waiting for me by the baggage area, Mom. You even saw her when we walked in, remember?” I stated, returning her inspecting gaze as she fondly smiled in remembrance.

My hands were reaching down to pick up my bags before Henry lightly punched my shoulder. “Wait, whoa, where’s the love, sis?”

“It’s hiding from you,” I teased, punching his shoulder before I pulled him close for a tight hug, “I’m gonna miss you bunches, you know.”

Henry’s grip tightened before he pulled back to show me the tears in his eyes. I gave him a sad smile, knowing that familiar look in his eye; he agreed but didn’t want to admit it.

“Don’t worry, Henry. I’ll only be a call away if you ever need to talk to me,” I said, putting my hands on his shoulders, “and I’ll be a nine hours’ drive away if you ever need me in person.”

He cracked a smile that was identical to my own and let out a deep breath that turned into a shaky laugh.

“Shut up, midget. Go catch your flight.” Henry laughed, shaking his head to compose himself. His blonde hair was tucked away in a red hat with a big, fancy ‘O’ embroidered in gray and black on its face. My heart swelled with pride to see it, too.

“Ditto!” I laughed while reaching down to grab my bags. “Well, I ought to get going. Leila’s been waiting on me for a while”

“Travel safely and call us when you land, no matter the time!” Mom said, hugging Dad and pulling Henry close. My eyes burned with tears as I nodded.

“Can do,” I shakily breathed, “I love you guys.”

Mom blew kisses my way and Dad smiled. Even Henry gave me a rare, genuine grin. I waved, and with a final glance, turned around and headed to the gate that was just behind me without looking back.

The weight of the bags in my hands doubled with each step towards Leila. She was sitting in the waiting area, her bags all around her, scrolling through her phone. Her straight black shoulder length hair was accessorized with a jade green headband, matching her comfy outfit that consisted of a matching jade green tee and a pair of workout leggings.

“Took you long enough, you slowpoke!” Leila smiled, patting the blue seat next to her as she tucked her phone in her backpack. I dropped my bags in relief as I sat down next to her. “How emotional were your parents?”

“Enough to make me almost cry?” I laughed, wiping the wetness below my eyes. “Well, maybe I did cry a little.”

Leila laughed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “It doesn’t take much to make you cry, Charlotte. But I am beyond glad to see that you held in most of your alligator tears.”

We both laughed, though our laughter faded after about a minute, turning into a stressed silence...

“We’re really doing this, aren’t we?” I said while taking a deep breath. After almost a year of building up the nerves, the day was finally here. College...adulthood...life...

Leila turned to me, her eyes showing the most vulnerability that I’ve ever seen in them, and took a deep breath with me. “We may be crazy, but at least we’re crazy together.”

Bag security was a surprising breeze; little to no lines and no troubles. The security guys even smiled at me. Talk about weird.

Waiting for the flight time was tiring. I did, however, get a text from Henry saying that he’d successfully reached his gate and would be taking off for Ohio at dusk. So that was at least something to keep me occupied for a good two minutes.

Another distraction was to play matchmaker with Leila. It was our favorite pastime in high school, so why not continue the tradition?

“Ooh, that business guy over there wearing the red tie, and...” Leila trailed off, scanning the rows of seats until her eyes focused on a woman talking animatedly on the phone only a few feet away, “her.”

“Wait, the Adrian Raines-looking guy paired with that preppy woman?” I asked, my eyes narrowing. Leila hummed with approval next to me, making me cringe immediately; why, and how, would that work? They were polar opposites!

“Leila, listen. He looks like the type of guy that’d bite your head off if you gave him the wrong coffee order and she looks like the type of girl to organize a charity event. It’s all in the eyes and the cheekbones, even the eyebrows.” I explained, shaking my head. Leila, however, disagreed like she always did.

“They’d balance each other out. He’d soften up and she’d harden up. It’s that simple! Plus, it helps that they’re both very attractive...” Leila smirked, her eyes examining them both with a wistful sigh.

“And they’re probably much older than us, so don’t even get ahead of yourself.” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “But back on topic. Are you talking about the whole ‘opposites attract’ lore? Because that’s just not...plausible. Maybe it is in the movies--”

Leila let out an exasperated breath that hindered the rest of my thought. “It is plausible, though! Just think about how you would feel in this situation. Would you want a guy who has a prickly exterior and a mushy-gushy heart?”

My heart started to palpitate as my hands started to sweat. I have learned to loathe Leila’s ‘boy talk’ because it’d always turn into her setting me up with guys that were either way out of my league or guys that just didn’t meet my expectations.

Her question, though, did deserve some deep thought. I guess I can set my pride aside for a mere second and give her some sort of approbation...

So, the question on the table: did I really have a thing for those types of people? Snarky but also impossibly soft? I guess I’ve never really been invested in relationships of my own. The idea of romance, sure, but not for me. It just never really seemed as important as the ACT or my GPA. I’m starting to regret my valedictorian title; I focused so hard on my studies that I forgot about the fun aspect of high school like the average, rebellious boyfriend with a leather coat and a motorcycle.

“You know what, Leila?” I started, carefully testing this ground as to not lead her down the matchmaking rabbit hole, “I would like a guy like that. A sarcastic and snarky guy with a secret soft side? Yes, please. Oh, and glasses that he’d push up his nose when he was frustrated? Even better.”

An uncharacteristic snicker escaped Leila; she was never one to snicker like that, and now that I actually think about it, our boy talk always had that stereotypical effect on her. Man, this hobby was melting her brain. Is there any research out there on how the quietest whisper of romance can turn the human brain to goo? If so, I need to get my hands on it ASAP.

“I knew that you had a thing for that! I’ve been scoping this out for years, Charlotte!”

Of course she has.

“Glad you’ve been looking out for me. That or stalking me, but that’s up to you.” I teased, bumping my shoulder with hers only to receive a tired groan in response.

“Oh, hush. You know exactly how damn predictable you can be sometimes. Don’t even try to contradict that, either.” Leila stated, giving me a side glare. I gave her a bright, innocent smile in response as I fiddled with my duffel bag’s handles.

My mouth opened to bring up another round of matchmaker, but I was overpowered by a loud speaker.

“Flight one-hundred two for New York boarding at gate fifty-six!” A voice said gently over the speakers. Leila and I instantly looked at each other with the same anxious looks that slightly weirded me out.

“Um, Leila--” I stammered, trailing off as Leila hopped up and started to grab her things. She wore the biggest and brightest smile when she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye.

“C’mon, slowpoke! We gotta go! Move those short legs of yours!” Leila beamed, grabbing my duffel bag with her open hand. Before I could retort, I was ushered into standing and walking towards the luggage area.

“Alright, eager one, slow down a bit?” I asked through a huff. Only two months off of the cheer team and away from drama and I’m already bent out of shape.

Leila threw my duffel bag and her own suitcase onto the conveyor belt and so I followed suit.

This...this entire experience was moving faster than I expected.

The plane ride wasn’t really all that exciting. Just Leila falling asleep on me, like I expected. Throw in a couple packs of peanuts, a dash of watching Dirty Dancing and Grease religiously, and a sprinkle of a baby’s obnoxious tantrum...and you end up with the definition of a typical plane ride.

Woo, college. Already kicking off with such an exciting start.

We were about thirty minutes out from The Big Apple when Leila finally woke up from her sleep. I felt my shoulder lighten and then felt the instant soreness from the five and a half hour flight.

“How’d you sleep?” I asked, busying myself by pausing Dirty Dancing on its second playthrough. Of course it was right as Baby started to awkwardly dance down the staircase and onto the bridge.

Leila’s response didn’t come when I thought it would, so I looked over to see if she fell back asleep on the plane’s wall. To my surprise, I saw that her eyes were glued to a figure a few seats over.

The girl who sat there had this gorgeous auburn hair that cascaded over her shoulders. Her black headphones stood out against her pale complexion and revealed the slightest trace of taupe freckles scattered about her cheeks. Also from the girl’s side profile, you could just barely see the tint of matte black lipstick on her lips.

A gentle but teasing smile formed when I looked back over at a wide-eyed Leila, her cheeks now starting to redden with embarrassment.

“See someone you like over there?” I asked, softly nudging her arm with my own. She cleared her throat and blinked rapidly before turning her attention to me.

“I thought she was snoring?” Leila stammered, now rubbing her tired eyes. I looked back over at the girl - her head bobbing slightly to whatever she’d been playing on her laptop - and let out a laugh.

“Sorry to break it to you, Leila, but she’s completely awake.”

Leila whipped her head back around to see and then let another deep blush cover her cheeks. It was hard to notice against her olive skin, though it deepened enough to see from miles away.

“Okay, um, she was snoring a little bit ago. I swear on your life.” Leila said, pressing her hands to hide her bright red cheeks.

I let out another laugh. She had never let herself get this flustered...ever. This was so rare that I’d only ever seen it once and that was back in high school. Leila locked eyes for a solid twenty seconds with a junior guy named Michael Harrison at lunch during our freshman year. She couldn’t stop blushing or stuttering for the rest of the day, and that’s not mentioning the dejected look she had when Michael walked out of the building with an unfamiliar girl on his arm after school.

As expected, Leila only responded to me with her notorious deadly side glare.

“Shut up right this instant, Charlotte Parker.” She hissed between her gritted teeth.

Did I listen? Of course not.

“Looks like Miss Maciel has been struck by Cupid’s arrow...” I teased, dramatically leaning into her lap with my hand against my forehead. She grumbled and leaned her head on her palm, looking out the window. After I sat up, I could see her brown eyes flit over in the girl’s direction every once in a while and couldn’t hold back my smile. Not teasing, but happy.

I knew that wistful look in her eye well enough to know that she’d been enamored.

The plane landed at about seven in the evening. Before getting off the plane, I looked over to the girl. She was frantically putting her computer away in it’s decorated case. I saw a patch with the familiar NYU bobcat...right next to another patch with the name “Skye” in this sort of horror-ish calligraphy.

Huh.

“I think her name is Skye,” I said, leaning in to whisper to Leila, “and I think she’s going to NYU.”

Leila glanced over as she stuffed her neck pillow (that she never used) in her bag.

“Cool. Um...Skye, you said?” Leila said, a blush blooming across her cheeks again.

I’m seriously loving this.

“Yep, Skye. Maybe she’s a freshman like us?” I said. Leila bit her thin bottom lip.

“Maybe,” Leila said, a smirk crossing over her features, “just...maybe.”

Waiting for our luggage was so boring. I decided that it was even worse than waiting for our fight.

“Ah, it’s mine!” I heard a girl a few feet away from my tired figure cheer. She rushed forward to grab a gaudy pink suitcase bedazzled with fake gems. Leila pretended to gag next to me.

“Gross,” Leila sighed, though her eyes suddenly lit up, “hey, wait, those are our bags!”

She pointed toward a cluster of familiar bags on the conveyor.

“Ah! C’mon!” I stammered, rushing forward and grabbing them. We both started to laugh as we lugged them off.

“Jesus, this is heavier than I remember.” Leila huffed, lifting her bag onto her shoulder. I did the same, though almost toppled over because of the weight.

“Are we sure that these are ours?” I asked, unzipping the duffel bag to see my familiar coat. Relief flooded my features as I looked back at Leila.

Her face was a sickly greenish pale.

“Uh, Charlotte, this...this isn’t...” Leila stuttered, carefully shuffling through the bag. There were lots of black sweaters and lots of striped shirts. A couple pairs of ripped jeans, a few rock band tees along with an NYU sweatshirt...and a tag on the strap.

I reached out for the black tag on the strap and flipped it over. It read...

Skye...Crandall?

“Leila, remember that girl from the plane?” I asked, showing her the tag. Her face immediately fell, though I could see the flame of hope flickering in her deep brown irises.

“Oh. My. God.” Leila groaned, taking the tag into her hand. “You’re kidding. Charlotte, this seriously isn’t happening right now.”

Despite her panicked state, I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

“I’m officially calling you Eliza Schuyler because you are helpless!” I giggled, doubling over. Leila loudly sighed.

“No, no no no...” Leila whispered, zipping the bag closed, “how are we going to find her now? I bet she left already with my bag.”

I sadly let my laughter subside as I wiped the humored tears from my eyes, being careful to not let my light layer of mascara run or smudge into a huge mess. That was the last thing I needed right now.

“Alright. Well, I think we should wait and see if your bag is still here. We don’t know for sure that she has it,” I stated, patting Leila’s shoulder, “but if it doesn’t show, we’ll track this Skye girl down and give her the right bag. Okay?”

Leila nodded, her face still contorted with a mixed emotion of annoyance and helplessness.

“Welcome to New York, where we lose your freaking bags and make you chase after freaking girls that you like,” Leila mumbled in a bad imitation of a New York accent, pinching the bridge of her slender nose.

“So you do admit it! Aww!” I cooed, booping her nose. She caught my wrist and gave me another glare, though this one was downright teasing.

“Shut it or I will mercilessly write on your face tonight with a Sharpie while you sleep,” Leila teased, “but let’s get going. We still gotta find our dorm and the sun’s already starting to set.”

I nodded and gathered up my stuff, taking another look back at the conveyor...

“Oh, everyone’s gone?” I questioned, my eyes scanning the now empty area around us. Leila rolled her eyes and started to drag me along towards the masses of people with her free hand.

“Yes, but now let’s go find this girl before I lose my mind. I need my bag and I can bet that she needs hers.”

#high school story class act #hssca #mc: charlotte parker #mc's twin: henry parker #oc: leila maciel #skye crandall #choices stories you play #no warnings #newwww au!#first chapter complete! 🥳

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