#when i was at ~100 followers ppl would talk to me in my inbox all the time and just say funny things

[mars-ipan]

man i miss when ppl would come into my askbox and just say shit. why don’t u guys do that anymore it’s really fun

[dukeofdelirium]

Dude, it feels like being in the flippin’ trenches being in the MJ fandom. From this account on this app that was taking over the MJ Tag and spreading so much misinformation to the point where I had to block her (She was using quotes from Shmuley, hinting that he could have been a predator, and he turned on Michael a few years ago I believe) to MJGuilters on TikTok making Pedo jokes at any positive Michael videos. Of course, the MJFam makes them wish they never said anything, being bombarded with truth and facts, but it never seems to be enough. Yes, there will be people who are just not educated and they take in what you tell them, but some others just won’t and call you names about be a “Pedo Lover” and whatnot. I do hope that one day, everyone will see and know that truth, but with streaming services allegedly saying that “the world isn’t ready for a positive Michael Jackson film” (according to one of MJ’s past bodyguards who took part in a documentary) I don’t think we’ll see that day. It hurts sometimes and when it does, I just feel like giving up and leaving it so I don’t have to hear any negative comments or jokes, and that’s the dark side of being a moonwalker/soldier of love. Defending him can be exhausting when it’s falling on deaf ears, but I know it’s our job to be here fighting for him when he’s not here himself.

Bestie I totally get how you feel. We are in the trenches day and night lol. I have a few thousand followers on here and a little over a year ago I was a well known MJ blogger and it got so bad that I was getting over 100 messages a day from people.

Like ppl would message either asking for evidence, asking me to explain a part of a legal case, some fan inquiries and whatnot but I was ALSO getting dozens of hate messages and harassment messages. My mutuals who are MJ fans can attest to it bc they witnessed how bad it was getting lol.

There was this one guilter troll in my inbox who would send like 50 or so anons DAILY for MONTHS straight harassing me about his cases. Of course, I fought back and we dished it out back and forth bc ain’t no way am I letting some dumb bitch slander my man lmao but the shit they would say was NUTS

Then my dad passed away so I had to step back from it bc I just couldn’t mentally handle it at the time. But idgaf I’m back lol and I’ll never stfu about defending MJ bc he’s innocent and idc what ANYONE says lol I will rip someone’s face off 😭 I had a whole reputation on here of being legit vicious 😭😭😭😭 my MJ followers would just send me posts to respond to cuz they knew I could shut a bitch up faster than them, it was so funny 🤣 ppl were fuckin scared of me fr cuz I’d bust into their shit and hit ‘em with every possible document they would mention proving them wrong so eventually they stopped messin w me cuz they were legit scared of my crazy ass

It can be exhausting tho trust me I totally get it. If you have to step away none of us will judge you. We have each other’s back and that’s why it’s important to have friends to talk to in this community. Lord knows my mjfam on here got me through some difficult times and I love all my MJ friends sm 💛

Just know that you aren’t alone in it and if no one else has you I GOT YOUUUUU and no matter what any stupid bitch says, MJ is INNOCENT and we have the proof on our side

[sweetheartsaku]

MY LOVEEE HAPPY GF'S DAY TO YOU!!! technically it's not august 1 for me anymore, but I wanted to greet you otherwise 🙂‍↕️

YES I CONSIDER U MY GF BC WHY WOULDN'T I??? we haven't been moots for too long, but right now I already see the lasting effects you'll have on me 😞 all positive though ofc!!! I'm starting to think that fr the best thing I've ever done was to follow u and send an ask in your inbox!!! AAAAAGH BC I WOULDN'T HAVE MET YOU IF I DIDN'T???? you wouldn't be my skibidi lovey of I didn’t</3

ever since our first interaction, i KNEWWW i had to be friends with you!!!! you were so kind and sweet, and you were just YOU!!! and that's one of the best things ik about you 🫶🏻 thank you so so much for letting me be my sappy self in your inbox bc I wouldn't have known what to do if you didn't HUAGSHWBHSHA

ANYWAY PLS KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH:( NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I'LL ALWAYS ALWAYS BE HERE FOR U!!!! just lmk and I'll instantly be right by your side bc duh I'll cross mountains for you!!!?!?!?!?@(@?@(×[+<×[

DON'T EVER EVER STOP BEING WHO YOU ARE ML!!! don't let other people tell you otherwise bc you quite literally are one of the bestest people I've ever met!!!! not only online, but in general!!! you absolutely 100% deserve all the love in the world saku, please always take care!!!! and if you don't, I'll be here to remind you anyway 😋😋

I'M TELLING MY GRAND CHILDREN ABOUT YOU, BTW!!!! as long as they're under my roof, they'll be hearing the name saku every other minute ☝🏻and every interaction we've ever had will be hung up in a frame over my fireplace 🤗 you're legit like the peanut butter to my jam, the spoon to my fork, the barbie to my ken, the shoyo to my kageyama, AND OFCCC THE SHOTO TO MY SERO!!!!!

I'll stop now before this gets out of hand 🤝🏻 ILYSMMM SAKUUU HAPPY GF'S DAY ML MWAH MWAH MWAH<33 💙🤍🩵💙🤍🩵🤍💙🤍🩵🤍💙🤍🩵🤍

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS FRANNSSSSS :((((((((( you are the absolute sweetest oh my@#$%/ 😭😭😭😭😭/!?!??

WHAT THE POOPY I TOO AGREE WE ARE GEE EEFS AND PLANTONIC SOULMATES AND EVERYTHING AHH!!!! i could say the exact same thing abt u, u were so cute and a simple shu fic i wrote at like 4am on a random april suddenly brought me u months later D: im so grateful i stayed up writing that now 😣 AND OBVIOUSLYYYY i love when ppl get a little sappy cuz i like knowing that theyre comfortable to say it especially to me omg!?!?!

our first interaction i will ALWAYYSYSS TREASURE OMHG??? looking thru my frans tag is the best part of my day frfr, seeing u on my dash always makes me happy and giddy inside that theres an actual person and sweetheart living and breathing on this earth who talks to ME?!?!?! like i gasp a lil. i fr be giggling at our interactions at school and my friend looks at me like hes saw a demon squealing like

I WOULD OBVIOSULY CROSS MOUNTAINS OCEANS GALAXIES FOR U OMG. youre literally apart of my world and its fr been like barely a month since ive met u :(((<3

I WONT I WONT!!!!!!! :DDD i feel rly happy being ms, esp on this app no one seems to find me annoying or a yapper or too moody :(( i thank it all to ppl like u who make me feel like im supposed to me comfortable here!!!!!! you too, DESERVE THE WORLD!!! AND MORE!!!!!i lobe u sososososo much hehe<3

my next 345678 generations will be hearing ur name. over and over till they forget their own. LIKEEEE my mooties here are like the lomls AHHHH JDCNJKDSBFKDSB OF COURSE !!!!!! ur the gravity to my world like lwk😣 the sero to my sho 😞!!!!!

I LOVE YOU. LIKE SOOOOSOOSOSOO MUCH AHAUKWDHB!?!?? THANK U FOR PUTTING UR TIME INTO WRITING THIS FOR ME IM LITEERLALY GONNA HOLD UR HANDS. ILYM FRANS!!!!!!! WMAHAHAH MWAHHHHHH 💗💗💗🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷💗💗💗

[chanstopher]

dreamy i'm in your inbox solely to fan girl about chan. i just, idk, i love him so much that it's kinda sick and twisted? like i turned 27 last week! TWENTY SEVEN! i should not be this into a kpop band / boy yet ??? idk his stupid little face makes me so happy. i love how much he loves what he does and his fans and how much he cares about his craft and fellow bandmates. i just want to tell him how good of a job he's doing and to stop beating himself up if he isn't like 100% perfect at all times. he is so self-deprecating sometimes during his lives and i just wanna shake him and be like "sttttttoooooooop talking about my emotional support bestie who doesnt even know he is my bestie like that!!!" idk idk he just brings me so much joy. i've been in this fandom for like less than a year (baby stay who got into them the end of last year). but even though i havent been there from the start i cant help but be so proud of him (and all the other boys!!!) for how far they've come! like they were JYPs underdog boy group that he almost didnt even debut and now they are like the 2nd most popular boy band in all of korea only 2nd to bts (that is if my facts are correct) and just UUUUUUUUGH. i am so proud of him for enduring and sticking it through and so happy that he, and all the other members, are finally getting their chance in the spotlight and be appreciated for the wonderful performers they are! i'm only sad about joining the fandom so late because now i know when they come back to the US again the tickets are going to be even more insanely costly iuhgbjnkiuhbnmjhb. okay rant over!

ahhh omg this is so cute!! and youre so valid i wish i could get him to really understand how much we all love him and how much he really means. and pls there is no age u shouldnt fall for chris he is timelessly sweet and kind and full of so much passion and caring it would be crazy not to feel giddy and mushy about him. they really have come so far and grown so much and he's done such an incredible job of leading them and the fandom. and i know it always sucks not to stan from debut but you're here now and skz are only going to keep growing and evolving so you get to be here for all of that. theyre only really just getting started i think, so i think you've arrived just when you were meant to hehe and i agree the tour thing could be an issue UNLESS jype follows other companies and works to make sure fans can grab tickets before the public, but we'll just have to see how it works out. i also think theyll probably do stadiums next time they come (they should since they had like 2-3 shows a city for arenas and sold out) which would give more of an opportunity for ppl to get to see them. either way i wish you all the luck when they do <3

[arieslost]

f1 asks!

thank you so much @forzalando for the tag!! <3

who is your favourite driver?

charles marc hervé perceval leclerc. which may come as a surprise to some people but i would genuinely do anything for him. he drives under my favorite number and his birthday is my half birthday so it was written in the stars honestly

do you have other favourite drivers?

in order: lando norris (aka miami grand prix 2024 winner), oscar piastri, lewis hamilton. and of course i always root for my fellow american logan hunter sargeant

who is your least favourite driver?

carlos sainz… lol. i just really can’t stand his attitude and his audacity 96% of the time. when he shuts his mouth and performs well for ferrari, then i’m happy with him. i’m interested to see where he’ll end up next season because he is a very strong driver. a bunch of other drivers piss me off too so i promise it’s not just him but out of all of them i have the most beef with carlos. especially after his classic carlos hissy fit this past weekend.

do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

wherever charles goes, i will follow. that being said, considering how dedicated he is to ferrari, i think him being my number one above all else is rather fitting because i adore ferrari.

if you like teams, what team do you pull for?

ferrari and mclaren, always and forever! a lot of people say you can’t be a fan of both but i truly could not gaf, those are my teams

how long have you been into F1?

since october/november 2023. i was casually following along for the last few races of the season and did my serious deep dive the week of vegas. which was unfortunate because then i had to suffer through winter break dhdjjf but i prevailed!

what got you into F1?

f1 has kind of been etched into the background of my life because i’ve always known who michael schumacher is, what ferrari is, etc etc. its been mentioned in a few books and movies i’ve loved since i was little. one day i just looked up the f1 account on insta, followed it, and the rest is history. very much invisible string theory.

do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

absolutely! that’s why i’m here!

how do you view new fans?

loveeee!!! it’s especially exciting to see new female fans enter a predominantly male space. i just always hope that they become fans for the love of the sport above all else.

if you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

honestly i would absolutely love to take over as team principal at mclaren. i just feel like i’d have an absolute blast. i would say ferrari but i worship fred vasseur and his bald head

are your friends and family into F1 as well?

i really wish my family was :/ because imagine the suffering i went through when lando won. my only friend that’s into f1 is my incredible online bestie (venus ily) and i don’t know what i’d do if i wasn’t able to scream and cry with her on race weekends. probably implode.

are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

yes absolutely without a doubt 100%! whether you’re on anon, in my inbox, or in my messages i am more than happy to talk to ppl!

no pressure tags (but i’d love to hear what u guys have to say!): @venusacrossthestars @verstappen-cult @lightsoutletsgo @lnfours @thebearchives @foreveralbon & anyone else who is interested in answering ofc!!

[terraliensvent]

multiple ppl close to kinah were able to verify that they were in the hospital recovering when the attempt happened. all of those ppl could not collab and lie so one person could get “extra attention” in ur words. Im frustrated with terra staff aswell but that doesn’t mean its ok now to call someones suicide attempt fake so ur feelings seem more valid. I find that extremely sickening. U have zero evidence or good reason for doubt or else u would have vented about it already. all u have is ur feefees. u do need therapy. And mod pls stop validating baseless speculation on smth so serious. what happened 2 people needing proof for claims like this

alright yeah im deleting kinah asks now

first off i dont think that people should just believe whatever they read on the internet, because you dont know who these people are irl. again, thats not to say that you shouldnt give support where you can or that you should make public callouts saying that it was all fake when you dont know for sure, BUT at the same time theres a level of speculation regardless because its the fucking internet. people are wild, people are strangers, and there is a non zero chance that people could have lied. just because people have a level of speculation on something they read online, that doesnt mean they need therapy and it doesnt mean theyre a bad person, it means they have a brain. if YOU want to believe it without a shadow of a doubt then thats fine, and if other people have some doubt thats also fine, just dont go out of your way to fucking bother people because thats just unnecessary.

second off, i need proof for accusations like “so and so is posting feral” or “so and so is an abuser,” saying things like “the way that kinah bounced back into cs makes me speculate” isnt an accusation.

the views of the anons i post here arent reflective of my own views, and if something is a problem i give my own input on it in my response. when i created this blog i didnt want to delete asks because i feel like that controls a narrative and makes me an unreliable narrator when it comes to these discussions. if people want to talk about things like this, i didnt want to force silence because thats not how you hold a discussion.

as an additional note: anons have been becoming increasingly aggressive in my inbox, whether its towards one another or towards myself. i implore all of you to stop being so aggressive, stop making assumptions, and stop playing this holier than thou card. so much of the art and cs community is made up of people who will virtue signal and place themselves on a moral pedestal and my inbox is the last place for that. if you want to rant and complain, go ahead, but stop acting like youre better than each other because you have the Correct Opinion on everything and believe everything you read on the internet.

my final thoughts on this are as follows: there is a non zero chance that everyone is lying. is it a small chance? sure. does this mean we should spread the narrative that it was all fake? no. are you a horrible person who should die in a fire because you dont 100 percent believe that the attempts were real? no, but also dont go out of your way to be an asshole because of that belief. i think we should all publicly operate under the assumption that the attempts were real. if you want to privately speculate, go fucking wild. could kinah going back into cs and making stuff for terras possibly be bad for their mental health? maybe. but also, its none of our business. and thats what im ending this topic with, a lot of this shit really is just none of our business and i think you all give way too much of a fuck about someone who you will never know irl.

i dont dislike kinah, in fact i actually really liked them when they were on staff for terras. but at some point we all gotta throw our arms up and say why is this taking up so much of my brain power when this person is just someone i follow on fucking toyhouse.

we are done with asks about kinahs attempt now, unless anyone has important info or something new to say im deleting them.

[wooahaes]

hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon

hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)

honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!

i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon

aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3

ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon

u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet

tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon

redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3

oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.

i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)

(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)

anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute

[rhpsdys]

Hey, just so you know - the way you worded that post about seeing Raine in a dress was actually kind of...not good. Transmasc ppl can wear dresses...that doesn't make them fem-presenting or take away the fact they're transmasc. I realize you're transmasc too, so maybe you're projecting onto the character (nothing wrong with that), and it's perfectly fine if your Raine doesn't wear dresses and you personally don't like to see them in dresses. But the way you worded that post implied that 'Raine has to present masculinely by wearing 'masculine' clothes all the time or else they're suddenly fem', implied that Raine wearing 'feminine' clothes is wrong as well as implied that wearing a dress automatically makes someone fem-presenting, all of which are not the case. Besides, clothing is canonly not really 'gendered' in the show - Eda wears a suit for instance, Luz's grom outfit was incredibly gnc, and that's just two examples. I don't think you meant it in that way, but I thought it important to let you know that it did make some people uncomfortable, other enbies and transmascs included, with how you worded it.

hey anon — thanks for reaching out about this. i worried that that might be the case, and i really do appreciate you coming to me about it. that post is a few days old, so i'm not sure if you follow me or if you just saw it in the tags somehow (and it doesn't matter which, the impact was the same, also i know my inbox was closed so if that's why you're just telling me now, that's cool too.) i'm also not sure if you're speaking hyperbolically when you said it made "some people" uncomfortable, implying you've talked about it with other people, or if you're just referring to yourself. again, it doesn't matter either way, but please know that if you are one of my followers, this is absolutely something you could have come to me personally and privately about, because it's not a conversation i mind having. but no matter.

to actually address your point, i absolutely did not intend to imply that a person wearing dresses automatically means that they're fem or that a transmasc person has to wear more typically masculine clothes. your points are all correct about the gnc nature of clothing in the show, too. i never ever would want to suggest otherwise. that being said, you're right. it did end up being commentary on something broader, and i made a statement that made someone uncomfortable, so it doesn't really matter what the intention was. damage done or not, i'll delete the post, so no one else comes across it and feels the same discomfort, and will be more careful about how i word any further commentary about this in the future.

for the record, 100% i am projecting onto my interpretation of raine, and that post was a vent post about something i saw on tiktok. i know that some of my takes on raine's gender and gender presentation are significantly different from the wider fandom takes so there's going to be moments of contention, which is why i would never comment something like that on someone's work directly, or combat someone for how they draw or otherwise interpret a character. so please don't take a rant in the tags of a throwaway ooc post as the definitive proof of how i see other nonbinary people. we all have incredibly different lived experiences and i recognize that.

anyway, thank you again for coming to me about this. i appreciate the open dialogue.

[deerixiie]

APPRECIATION POST!!

june 29th, or a little more that 6 months ago i posted my first fic. that was honestly the best decision of my life because tho tumblr is a hellsite it’s a hellsite that got me through a hellish year. i just want to come out and express my extreme gratitude for all of the people who have gotten me through 2020.

my followers. i remember when i first hit 100 and i was so excited bc 100 ppl in the world actually appreciated my writing enough to follow me...and then more of you guys started coming and sent sweet asks and suddenly i felt so loved 🥺 i didn’t expect to gain the following i did on this hellsite but i did and i love you guys so much :( thank u so much for being here through it all and making this year so much better!!

character anons/other anons; i know i don’t have much and not all of u are active but you!!! you guys are the bestest people on earth!!! shoyo, haji, yams, and all my noya anons,,, i love u guys sm. seeing you in my inbox made me so happy and i loved interacting w you 🥺💗 i hope you guys have an amazing new year and i hope you can talk more soon!! same goes for my other anons, 💜, 🍁, iara, and all the other anons that have send me asks, i love you guys so much!! getting anons and asks was something that made me feel so appreciated and important and seeing your asks always made my day!! ily guys <3

@sa-suga, @neonghxst, @sanso, @starrysamu, @stelleum, @myelocin, and a whole bunch of others writers; you are the most amazing people on the planet. writing on a site like this that gives little to no appreciation is so amazing of you :( your fics have made me smile, laugh, cry, and even grow as a person and i’m so grateful for that! bc of u i was able to distract myself from all the crappy things that happened this year. ily guys so much!

and now, my mutuals!!

@hajiimes; cola i will always always start with you. my closest friend, writing genius, someone i can bounce ideas off of, ask for help, watch movies with, voice call for hours with, and simp over characters with. getting close with you was one of the best things of this year and i really appreciate you for it. its really refreshing to have such a close friend i can really turn to and talk to about stuff that’s bothering me and i know i do it a lot and i’m a terrible friend sometimes but you’re always there for me :( and yeah we tease each other a lot and you’re honestly so annoying sometimes but yeah it’s fun and i love you so <3 STOP MAKING BREAKUP PLAYLISTS OKAY IM SORRY

@sugakuns + @suikazura + @kageyuji + @miyasangel + @giorvanna + @sophiawithstars + @hajiimes; i literally could not have gotten through 2020 without dinonet. it’s the first discord server and probably only discord server that i’ve really felt at home in because you all are so accepting and sweet. your support and love and kindness have gotten me past this year. i’ve been able to laugh and scream and vent and word vomit and be myself because of you all and i’m so appreciative of that. i cant wait for an entire new year with you all, ilysm!

@mehreya; you changed your url and i freaked tf out but ANYWAYS HEYYY~ rae i literally. i literally love you so much like. where would i be without you? you’re so welcoming and comforting and i love you so much :( if there’s anyone i’d share a deformed braincell with, it’s with you!! i feel like i can relate to you?? so much?? i literally keysmash in your inbox sending like 12 messages and i don’t have to worry about you getting upset because you do the same thing right back. we share really similar interests and you’re so compassionate and sweet and ugh i’m gna cry ily

@suikazura; bae i. how do i even say this. you’re literally the kindest, sexiest, funniest, loveliest person i’ve ever met. when i had a really bad day and broke down you were there to hype me up and tell me such wonderful things that i still think about all the time. you wrote a poem comparing me to the sun. ME?? THE SUN?? sui i don’t even know where to go with this ive never had someone do that for me and you doing that just makes me tear up and i’m tearing up writing this- and i love your humor so much despite the fact that it haunts me to this day and your art is so pretty and i could look at it for hours. like man i can’t believe someone like you exists i don’t deserve you at ALL. ilysm bubs

@cavalree; AZZIE WE HAVENT EVEN TALKED THAT MUCH BUT OUR CONVERSATION YESTERDAY WAS >>> THIS IS ME SAYING WE SHOULD TALK MORE WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON

@fairyoomi + @luvromis + @rilacry; we’ve been moots for So Long but i have no idea what to talk about w u so i get intimidated and don’t talk :( ily guys so much though, you’re really sweet and kind and your humor is literally top tier. this is so weird to say but reading ur self-ship posts makes me so happy bc i feel like i can be open about my self-ship too,, it rlly comforts me and makes me feel loved hehe. i miss talking to u guys even though it was barely anything and i rlly hope 2021 is the year we get closer!!

@sophiashortcake + @star-puff + @kurooskult; we’ve recently become mutuals but i love your vibes!! i really hope i get to interact with you more next year so we can become closer <3

@bunx; BIG SIS!! literally i feel so bad for not talking to u because you’re literally the blueprint :( i just don’t know what to talk about and then get all freaked out XBSKSJD i’ve stared at your disc so many times debating what to say cbsjs but anyway thank you so much for being here from the beginning! i know for a fact ill wouldnt be where i am today w/out u 🥺 ilysm bubs

other moots that made this year so much more beautiful i want to get closer too!: @haikoo, @4fterh0urs, @run-004, @sugasugawarau, @s4ijoh, @gg9183, @baeshijima 🥺💗💗, @kozu-mei , @kaguol ily all so so much, you all are such amazing ppl and i hope we get to talk more!!

[jimlingss]

do u ever find that your following on tumblr kinda plateaus and it slows down for awhile even if ur active?

do u have any tips on how to avoid that from happening?

yes, I do. After being here five years, I can say for certain it does but I’m not sure if it’s actually because my viewership/readership has plateaued or I, myself, have merely gotten used to the routine - of receiving messages, of receiving the same amount of likes, reblogs, followers, etc. 

For me, it kind of feels like both. I don’t know if it’s true, but it feels like the BTS writing community on tumblr as a whole isn’t as prosperous as it used to be. Thus it’s natural that over the years, my following has plateaued. But also, a few years ago it felt like my tumblr was more popping. HOWEVER, if I look at the actual messages I receive and the feedback, I get way more now. It’s odd. How is it possible I can feel this way? But it makes sense. When I started I was so entirely ecstatic to get one message. And 100 followers made me celebrate. At the beginning everything is always new and exciting. But after months and years, it started to matter less and less to me. so in that sense tumblr is a lot less exciting for me. not to say I’m not appreciative but my own engagement has plateaued and I’ve become a lot calmer. Which isn’t necessarily bad. 

Not sure if that makes any sense, but to actually answer your question, there are blogs that definitely have more engagement or that I’m personally more engaged with and I’ve noticed several things they’ve done...

1 - Consistency. I notice that blogs that have consistent followings are because the blogger/writer themselves are consistent. They keep posting, they continue to write series, oneshots, etc. Being active isn’t just posting about what you’re doing that day or what you’re eating or merely giving updates, it’s also being active in whatever the purpose of your blog exists for. 

(+ using tags with your posts is the way you can pull in new viewers).

2 - Increase Opportunities for Engagement. I can only really give advice for writing blogs since that’s really all I know lol. But what I’ve noticed is the writing blogs that continue to receive messages/engagement are the blogs that have opportunities to do so. What I mean is do ask my muse tags - these are just great for readers to ask questions and get new readers to check out said story. also polls where writers can ask what should happen next really increase involvement. I’ve also noticed that releasing teasers for fics also heighten the excitement. 

These two methods are probably the best ways. I have some other methods but they’re a bit more...botched lol and should be taken much more lightly...

3 - Collabs. They’re pretty difficult to pull off, but by collaborating with another writer, you’re pulling viewership from both blogs together (or how many you collab with) so that really heightens viewership. The feasibility of this, however, varies. After all, group projects aren’t easy — and that statement is prob enough to explain the difficulty of collabs.

4 - Recs and Reblogs. In the past, whenever I got a spike in followers, it was because another notable blog reblogged something of mine or I was recommended somewhere. Fic rec blogs and networks are honestly great in this aspect. However, being reblogged and recommended is pretty much out of your own control. ((Unless you recommend yourself LOL)). But I suppose if you want your stuff to be reblogged, you should reblog other people’s stuff. Do onto others as you want to do onto yourself. This might even get you noticed by the people you reblogged.

5 - Friendships. This is kind of the underlying theme of #3 + 4 but obviously if you’re friends with other blogs, they’ll be talking about you and you’ll be talking about them and that’ll make your viewers check them out, vice versa. And when you post something, they might reblog it as a way to support you, and they’ll rec you when someone asks. HOWEVER, (high disclaimer lmao) being friends with other blogs for the sole purpose of increasing engagement is highly unethical and very exhausting. I’m acknowledging that this is a way. But I would not recommend this. Stuff like this never lasts. Plus no one likes clout chasers (lol do tumblr ppl even have clout??) 

6 - Write a (long) series with cliffhangers. On my time spent here on tumblr, I noticed that the times where my readers became most alive and my inbox is most chaotic, it was when I was writing a series and ended chapters with cliffhangers LMAO. honestly some of those times have become my best memories. As much as readers might detest cliffhangers, from the writer’s perspective, man you really get bombarded with messages when people are dying to know what happens next. and then people who are not reading your works become intrigued by the flood of messages and head over to check it out and see what the chaos is all about. It’s a win-win.

Hopefully this helps you out!! There’s probably more tips I can give but at the moment, that’s all I can come up with.

[alyafae-a]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG.

SPEED:     i am super slow. sometimes, i am really quick with replies, which only means that i’m in a mood for that specific kinda thread. on top of that, i get easily distracted. i might start a reply, see something else and only continue writing the reply a couple hours later. and most of the time that makes me lose interesting in writing the reply right away and i put it aside. my speed heavily relies on my mood.

REPLIES:   in general i would say i go with one para replies as i take way too long on 3+ para replies. but then again, that depends on my partner. some inspire so much that i could write a whole novel. those are rare but they happen. so yeah, i’m all game for shorter threads bc they are easier to reply to.

STARTERS:    50% of my blog are starter calls and most of the time i forget to do them. which i am sorry about (at the same time, if i forget about it i highly suggest asking me about it ... you know ... throwing a starter at me if we’ve talking about a plot before). i’m not that good at starters so most of the time they are pretty basic but ... i always try to give you something to work with. if i fail, don’t hesitate to tell me! and i always ask you to specify a muse for a starter unless we have, like, a heavily plotted connection for some muses.

INBOX:     i hoard memes. i am very slow with them as well (okay i am a slow writer in general) but i usually get to them. sometimes, i have just the idea what i want to write and get going. other times i have a vague idea and start to write a reply but stop bc i’m not 100% how to go on so i’d rather wait than give a half-hearted reply.

SELECTIVITY:    i am selective with whom i follow for various reasons. above all: i get easily overwhelmed and don’t want a cluttered dash. if i follow you, i 100% wanna write with you. if you follow me and i haven’t followed back chances are i am still checking you out or i have no idea how to interact with your muse. in either cases i suggest you approach me at some point and we talk about it. i like to give everyone a chance and see if things work out though.

WISHLIST:    i have one, it exists. it’s rather empty but i have a million ideas in my mind. sometimes, i share those ideas and give you weird plots.

HONEST NOTE:    oh dear let’s see. idk how to interact with ppl so i am super awkward to approach someone via im. there are times when i think my writing is terrible and ppl don’t actually like seeing me around. i am actually super negative about myself but i’m always positive about my partners. last but not least, i’m not ashamed to say i’m very into shipping. i can guarantee that if our muses interact i am definitely thinking about shipping them (as long as they’d match). that’s all you should know.

TAGGED BY:  the one and only @honeyglaze <3 TAGGING:  you, if you want to tell me how you run your blog

[tinkiisms]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG.

SPEED: I’m not a speedy RPer tbh. If I’m really pumped about a current thread and my partner and I are both online replying, I might shoot back and forth, but generally it takes days to weeks to put out my replies to any given thread. I have a job irl--and I 100% treat this as a hobby and don’t want to let it stress me out by writing with people who expect me to reply instantly--otherwise I would just stop.

REPLIES: I prefer mid-length to long threads (not novella level tho), especially with partners who I’m rather comfortable/familiar writing with. I tend to enjoy exploring what my character is thinking and feeling, so one-line dialogues can be fun to quickly develop a rapport between two characters for an initial meeting or a little side-thread to enjoy a ship dynamic...but for threads that I’m really going to be interested in and want to reply to most, they are the plotted ones that are multiple paragraphs. Single or two paragraphs are my regular mid-length threads.

STARTERS:  I will write a starter for anyone who I’ve plotted one out with, or by request/call without much plotting if I’m familiar enough with their muse that I know how I would want to set up a plausible meeting with them and Tinker Bell. If I’m not quite familiar with a character I might be less inclined to write a starter and rather my partner writes one for us to begin with. And I treat starters written for me with priority!!!

If somebody makes me a starter and I don’t reply to it within a few days--unless I’m not replying to anything in which case I’m low activity at the time like right now lowkey--LET ME KNOW. Writing a starter someone asked for and it being never answered is very frustrating and a way to make me quickly lose interest in RPing with someone, so I never want to do that to anyone else. (Weirdly, I care way more about ignored starters than dropped threads. Like if you drop a thread I’ll probably forget about it, but I never forget who liked my starter calls and didn’t answer the starter I gave them....)

INBOX: Always open for IC & OOC memes from my memes tag. Always open for IC & OOC questions for/about my muse! I don’t reply to everything immediately honestly. I’ll reblog some memes and not answer all of them, but then go back later when I’m feeling the inspiration again to get to them. It’s not my primary/preferred method of starting RPs, so not my first concern to answer--but if my partners want to continue them into threads, that’s also kind of what they’re for!! I answer them more as jumping off points to reply to rather than little drabbles of my characters reaction. So I’m always willing to turn them into threads, never hesitate. Assume it’s a go.

SELECTIVITY: Not super selective. I consider myself semi-selective because I’m technically open to RPing with non-mutuals--but at this point I basically follow back every blog that looks decent (not full of OOC and un-cut posts, has about/rules page that’s not just a link to a wiki page) whether I know the muse or not, so that tends to be all the ppl I’m willing to thread with anyway.

(I’m still not mutuals-exclusive because I can imagine a situation where maybe I enjoy an RPer’s style and am interested in their character and writing with them, but they regularly reblog stuff that I don’t like. I’m not bothered to thread with them even tho we’re not mutuals, bc I’m just here for the writing rather than following their inspo posts lmao)

WISHLIST: My wishlist tag is here, but instead of scrolling through it...My wishlist is honestly just finding RPers whose writing really clicks with mine so I find it easy and relaxing to reply to threads with them, instead of trying to force myself and get stressed for not being able to make it flow when this should just be for fun? There are ppl who I really want to write with, whose blogs/muses I like, and who I enjoy talking to OOC, but then when I actually get to our threads I’m like....eh, idk what to say here. And others who I want to have a hundred threads with because every time I go to reply, it just comes easily and I’m inspired.

+ Our characters have interesting dynamics and plots, potentially we ship our muses so I can squeal over them! It’s not something I can exactly just point at and say “who wants to do this specific plot with me?” It’s like, once you find a good partner, keep expanding your verse, your muses’ relationship, your plot ideas, and your friendship OOC to make this hobby really worth the time.

HONEST NOTE: I’m not the best writer. I’m not the best role-play partner. I take a long time to reply to things, and I drop threads if I’m not feeling it, but it never means I don’t WANT to write with you or that I have no interest in our threads. I just don’t want to let this become a stressful activity for me, because I can only write when I’m feeling the inspiration. I can’t just grind out replies like that, because my imagination is very picky, I guess?

And I’m very much a perfectionist in the self-sabotaging way so if I’m trying to write something and don’t feel like it’s good enough to share, I’d rather just not do it at all...(like taking a 0 instead of a higher but still failing grade bc if u didn’t try then u didn’t really fail, which is ridiculous but i’ve always been like that even in school--anyway my point is DON’T STRESS ME OUT I HAVE ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION)

My honest note is just, I’m always ready to plot and discuss and try to thread, but please don’t expect too much from me and end up disappointed bc I don’t live up to expectations as an RP partner. I’m just doing my thing here and putting in the effort I realistically can with my mental state. I want to have fun writing with all of you, just give me patience and time and enjoy what we do get to see from our characters, and I also won’t judge you for being slow with replies or dropping things.

tagged by: stolen from dash​

tagging: anybody who wants to do it why do we have to be tagged or tag ppl like just do the mun and muse memes you wanna do??

[xuune]

Dang mate, I gotta say that your art is some of the best I've ever seen and I always find myself on the edge of my feet staring at anything new you post cause I can't wait to look at it. Heck you deserve a whole lot more then nice comments. That's just all half of us can give you so we have to settle for that when we wanna like, shower you with glitter and shake your hand or something. Good gravy shaking your hand would be surreal. I love your art, can you tell? Lol.

my guy i cant even emphasize more on how i could tell this message was more than just 100% genuine, and it means a lot to me when i read these long messages that express so much wholeheartedness into it. i dont even know how to properly go in depth with how i felt about your message when i read it. like shit dude even if there was a possibility for you to shake my hand youd have to wait until i actually do tabling at conventions or some shit, and thats something i actually wanna do some day. maybe one day i would be able to meet some of you and talk or something idk. but even then im shit with talking with people since im just one of those people who usually dont have a lot to say unless theres actually something going that could keep our conversation rolling. not to mention, im really self conscious about the impressions i make on people so theres that lmao. 

as much as i want to convince myself or have myself understand that people do actually like the art i create, everything just goes on a full circle of doubt where i doubt my own skills and capabilities even when i do work on myself to improve. sometimes it doesnt seem like it since what i present here will not always be explicit with the thoughts i have since some of these things i believe is part of no one’s business to care about unless i wish to address it or just shout it to some void.

i wont always be able to tell what people on the other side of the screen is thinking, so with that too its just hard to convince myself that people enjoy the things i make (and more so the reasoning on why nice comments through inboxes just catch me “off guard”). this sounds selfish, even while im typing this right now, but just seeing nothing in terms of comments on the posts i create just doesnt have me believe that people actually like it. if the notes are just reblogs with no actual comments or thoughts mentioned in on it, then i just wont see what i created as having actual value (”value” being the feedback i get and the opinions expressed by the people that saw it). i will only see the number of notes as just a mere number, not as people explicitly showing me that they genuinely enjoyed the content. and yea, theres the things with ppl using tags and putting their comments through that and you could just look through those, but to me, comments added to reblogs, comments itself on the posts, and messages through inboxes or dms just seem more valuable in terms of feedback; its more straightforward and open. so when people actually directly say how they feel about my art, it puts it on a whole new level for me in a way. im pretty shit with explain this whole thing on how im perceiving it, but i hope you and others reading this get what i really mean with this. 

most of the time, i tend to find more value in seeing the feedback i get on tumblr than the ones i see on ig due to the fact that comments on tumblr are just so much more rare for me since tumblr’s system is based primarily on reblogging and tagging. sending something in through the inbox can be something intimidating for people, especially when theres no anonymous option, and i get that, but if i see a comment, then damn, thats just something that makes me go “woah, someone commented”. my surprise from that comment would just increase if the person commenting would mention further on how they felt about it. sometimes the more you mention just holds a lot of importance to the person reading it and has the person reading it deeply understand further on the feelings the person wants to express. i get the impression that some ppl would think that sending something less concise would be a bother for me, but it really isnt if you want to express more on how you enjoy my art and things like that. just talk to me fully if you want to do that even if it seems like my response to you isn’t long or just seems lacking in response to show equal reciprocation. im just pretty lackluster with words. 

to get this out of the way, and to just mentioning it: my choices of actions here, the way i interact here, will always be different compared to how things are on my ig. some of the things i say here will always stay here, and wont belong on or be mentioned on ig, and i wish for it to be that way. i feel more personal with the people i speak to here, and i enjoy that a lot. through the inbox system, people are being exclusively direct about their message thats intended to grab my attention, and i love that when its someone who wants to express their genuine feelings through giving a compliment. ig’s environment compared to tumblr is just entirely different, and its often because of the vibe from the audience/followers that gets created. comments that get put on a post in ig just makes it seem like the comments are much more for the broader audience viewing it, and that just kind of deprives the idea of sending more personal feedback towards the creator of the content where it is strictly direct. 

so yeah, often times its just harder for me to recognize when people are genuinely enjoying my stuff even when all the signs are there, but all those signs just dont give much of a meaning to it when no one is being explicit about it through words for me to read. its just the feeling that comes with it that makes everything more different about it. 

[harocat]

ahhhh im not sure who else to talk to but lately i've been feeling really unhappy w/ yoi fandom and idk what to do. i guess it's because im seeing people from fandom all around the world and there's a lot of difference in culture, but some stuff i see just makes me want to never touch the show again. ik it's stupid that it's affecting my perception of yoi and the people working on it but i just can't disconnect it and it makes me question kubosayo's intentions as well. (1)

it's so stupid and i know i cant do anything about it bc ppl are entitled to do what they want and i cant force them to view yoi the same way i do but i just feel so lost bc this is the first time i’ve ever been in such a large fandom and i really enjoyed yoi but now im just sort of anxious and questioning fans of the show and the creators as well. im sorry for clogging up your inbox but i just want some advice. maybe i should just leave the fandom altogether? (2)

Have you considered just sort of disconnecting from the fandom a bit, trying to blank it out, and then rewatching the show on its own merits?

As far as fandom itself, just make sure you stick to following people whose opinions you’re comfortable with. Curate your experience. You can generally avoid the ugliest parts of fandom if you’re careful. 

I think Kubo and Sayo’s intentions are very genuine. If I wasn’t sure about it before, seeing them in person at Anime Fest and seeing all the genuine passion and love and dedication to this project from them would have convinced me. Their intentions were to make a good show about something they loved, nothing less.

There is literally no doubt that Kubo and Sayo are forced to walk on eggshells when talking about this project in interviews and such. We KNOW this for a fact. It’s been made clear in things they’ve told interviewers, in bullshit like the ring censorship, in Sayo’s comments about having to force the kiss through, etc. 

We already have people in the industry referring to YOI as ‘too much boy’s love’ despite the fact that they have worked their butts off to avoid it being pigeonholed in that genre, because they know it would be harmful to the show and the story they want to tell. There’s a precedent in blatantly romantic m/m content that isn’t ‘boy’s love’ having to be discussed this way. Hideaki Anno only acknowledged that Kaworu and Shinji’s relationship was romantic when he did an interview with an actual BL magazine. In other interviews, they were just forced to use super gay sounding words that if you’re that desperate and homophobic, you can still no homo. 

It’s weird to say but Kubo and Sayo don’t actually have that much power. They made the actual show, to be sure, but creators and writers are considered replaceable in the anime industry and that Sayo especially has been as bold as she has been is impressive to say the least. Putting it in the series itself is one thing, blatantly acknowledging that (what very clearly happened on screen) is the intent? Is another. It sounds kind of stupid, but that’s the way it is. 

I do not think MAPPA would ever dream of replacing Kubo and Sayo. They are behind them 100% of the way, and have been very much “we will let them do what they want!!” Otsuka, Mappa’s CEO, has openly talked about Victuuri being a romance, but he’s literally the CEO (and also a man), so he can get away with more. That being said, Mappa would never replace them, but YOI has to work with tens of companies through merchandising, marketing, broadcasting, etc Just because Mappa is open to things, doesn’t mean they are. 

I can’t get into Sayo and Kubo’s heads, but I 100% believe in their intentions based on what they’ve said. Kubo, I think, was a little more unsure how to handle everything at first, but she’s improved a lot over time and she even acknowledged that she knows now fans are frustrated by vagueness. 

[wheretogofrmhere]

RE people taking what you say so seriously. IA people shouldn’t let your opinions, or anons that agree w/ you affect them, regardless what those opinions are. but I know it’s more than just you having an opinion that they don’t agree w/ &/or you being loud with your opinions. And maybe this part you don’t even realize about yourself (which isn’t bad you don’t realize it) but you do have a big following still, even if it’s only a fraction of what it was before. And I’d say your number of followers on your current blog doesn’t accurately reflect the number of people who actually read your blog either. You have a MUCH bigger impact than you think! And what you say carries a lot more weight than what you think! It’s much bigger than just your opinions or the few anons you answer. There are A LOT of people who come to your blog to see your opinions when various situations arise. Some of these people know of the situation & haven’t determined what their opinions on it are, others have no previous knowledge or opinions on the situation, but they both come to you & whatever you say is what they believe. Some make it a point not to ever have an opinion until they see what you say. I’ve even literally seen people share opinions & once they’ve read your blog & seen your opinions are different they change their minds because of what you said. And they’ll even say things like “well I thought this before, but Shanna said….” there are a lot of people that take what you say as bible! as cold hard facts! A lot of people who use your blog as their sole update account or source of Niall info! And that’s not relegated to just young fans either. What you say & believe effects how a lot of people think & act. Of course you can’t control that & it isn’t your fault. Also honestly it can be a good thing or bad thing depending on the situation lol. I’m just pointing out that what you say is much more than 1 fans measly opinions. What you say determines what a lot of other fans say & believe. So when a situation like the current one arises, you share your opinions, and then MANY people go fourth stating your opinions as 100% fact. And some even site you/your blog as their “proof” or “confirmation”. And if it’s something like this where there’s two parties, you kinda become the unofficial leader of whichever party you fall into. Which again can be good, but obviously can also be bad.

A lot of other people freely share their opinions, regardless what those opinions are, without scrutiny. And I’m sure you’ve seen this & it’s maybe even been frustrating for you. So I’m just pointing all this out because I don’t think your realize the true impact you have. Or understand why you/your opinions/your blog are most often the target of rude asks over anyone else. And I’m not condoning any rude or hateful behavior whatsoever, I’m just explaining to you why it happens! And more specifically why it happens to you more than anyone else, or why it happens to you & only you.

im appreciate you saying this, bc tbh i have seen blogs on here that say WAY more controversial things or even stating things that arent true or stating their opinions as fact (both which i never do) and literally NO ONE ever calls them out or says anything to or about them and im like….hold the freaking phone here, why is it that i cant breathe without ppl yelling that its in the wrong direction??? its extremely frustrating and i guess bc my follower count is nothing to what it was before and i dont really think about the “outside” of tumblr in that way, so i guess its almost a shock to me that ppl would even care. 

and that again just reiterates what i was saying, ppl SHOULDNT care. im just a fan. like everyone else. i dont know more than anyone else and i dont claim to. what i say is NOT bible, and i make it very clear EVERY TIME that they are just my opinions and not to be taken as fact. i try and give my perspective so that everyone has a open playing field to create their OWN opinion on matters, not to change anyones opinions or claim mine are right. im sharing my thoughts bc well, thats what ppl do on their own blogs, right? im just here trying to have fun and have a good time and enjoy niall and the things i LIKE about niall and his life, just like everyone else. i should not be penalized bc ppl dont agree with some of my thoughts on different aspects of his life. thats not fair at all. 

so to those reading or looking or popping in or whatever, just please dont let my views or opinions dictate how you see things or feel. some ppl agree with me and we will continue to discuss things as we see or portray them to be on my blog, but just bc i think one way and talk about it, does not mean you have to. it also does not mean i deserve to be hated on in my inbox and/or bashed on other blogs. that is 100% not okay or right. i do not do it to others so it should not be done to me. we are not in kindergarten here….like lets do better. 

thank you for sending me this bit of insight, i guess like you said, i really dont take into account anything outside of my followers but i just really wish ppl would let me have the thoughts i wanna have without them dictating their own or getting upset by them. its OKAY to think differently on subjects pertaining to niall like this. as long as we are all respectful over it. 

[avpdnoisearchive]

i haven't been diagnosed with avpd but i have anxiety and pretty sure depression and avpd describes me perfectly. i just started uni and my mental health issues have gotten 10 times worse- i can barely leave my room, i feel so embarassed by just existing and i hate interacting with other people. i've already missed many classes bcs of my anxiety and general lack of interest to live. i feel too embarassed to tell my profs about my issues. i want to disappear. i see no worth in myself.

i was in the exact same position as you a few years ago. it was hell and i know how much you’re suffering rn. the way that i got through it was to do the bare minimum in my classes (showing up when there are tests, coming in on exam review days, spending an hour or two doing the essays/assignments the day before they were due just so i could get them in). i focused ALL my attention on things that made me feel better and got me through the days: music, video games, and tv shows mostly. i genuinely believe that those things are the reason i’m still alive

but i really wish i had gotten help. i think that if i had been on the medication i’m on now, things would’ve been different. i recommend at least telling your doctor (family doctor/GP/doctor at the uni health clinic) about this and they might be able to recommend you some resources. even if you don’t end up following up on them, something good could come out of it and it does give you hope. and definitely inquire about medication, finding the right one has genuinely made such a HUGE change in my life

i also really recommend talking to your profs. this is something i didn’t do until my master’s and i regret not doing it earlier. SO many students nowadays have anxiety at the very least and every prof is aware that it is essentially an epidemic on campus. i guarantee that AT LEAST 1 other person in each of your classes has talked to the prof about mental health issues. and as a teaching assistant myself, i was very very understanding when my students talked to me about their issues and the prof that i worked with would give extensions and other accommodations. (talking to TAs can actually be a lot more chill! since we’re students ourselves we 100% understand and are trained to guide you to help)

ik that this is all REALLY difficult with avpd bc the last thing you want to do is tell others about your problems. i still struggle with it a lot. if you really physically cannot talk to anyone, the internet can be a good resource. there are lots of mental health/self care apps, you can find CBT worksheets online (cognitive behavioural therapy is awesome, i highly recommend), you can join or just read through forums of ppl with avpd, etc. i’ve made a lot of progress just from having this blog and following people with similar problems to me: it helps to have a place to vent and seeing strategies that other people use is very helpful.

i’m so sorry you’re going through this. i never thought i would get better, but i did. i was so severely ill and if i can get better, you can! i’m really really glad that i didn’t disappear when i wanted to so badly and i believe you’ll feel the same one day, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. you just have to get through the best you can and (this is a cheesy metaphor but bear with me) arm yourself for battle against your brain. load up on everything that comforts you, try to find some resources so you can cope better, and just do everything in your power to get through somehow. it’s also worth noting that taking time off of school is always an option - for me, that would have made it worse, but it’s really helped some people, so it depends.

every person’s life has worth and you just have to make it through the shitty part of existence to one day get to the point where you can finally see that worth in yourself. you are VERY strong for going through this and i 100% support you! my inbox is always open if you need it