#when i tell you i was sobbing while making this gifset

[thefrsers]

For your sake, I will continue. Though for mine alone, I would not.

[ardent-fox]

New Year's Ask Game for Fic Writers ✍✨

I decided to complete this game to help me reflect and possibly get back into writing regularly again, I was not tagged but here's a bit of self-indulgence nonetheless 😊💙

To close out 2023…

1) What fic did you have the most fun writing this year and why? Or, if you can’t decide, what was most fun about writing this year for you?

I've only completed and posted one fic this year/ever and about a dozen Galladrabbles, and had the most fun writing humorous dialog whenever it was sprinkled into them.

2) What’s a scene/story that you finished and felt “wow, I really accomplished that, that actually went so well”?

The mechanics of Mickey getting fucked and jerked off at the same time in Everything, followed by describing his and Ian's orgasms. I've never written erotica from a male perspective before fanfiction and had no idea how I was going to do it, but am pretty satisfied with the results.

3) What helped provide the most inspiration for stories, if anything? Was it poetry? A song on repeat? A gorgeous gifset? A walk outside? A book you read that made you want to change everything? Whatever it was! Tell all.

Music, I make playlists for most of my WIPs. Everything had only a couple of songs, the most prominent ones being Colorblind by Counting Crows for Mickey's and I'll Be Your Lover, Too by Van Morrison for Ian's perspective. Also the poem "My God, Why Are You Crying?" by Molly Peacock, which I discovered while going through a Reddit thread about people crying during sex, doing research is sometimes inspiring in itself.

4) What is something you want to share about what you’ve written this year? A particular line, a comment that made you feel really good, a scene that was difficult to write — you get to choose! What do you wish someone would ask you about when it comes to what you’ve written?

This little tidbit in Everything that I managed to write after coming back to what I thought was an abandoned fic five months later, capturing Mickey's conflicting feelings about making noise:

The beginning of a sob emerges and he gulps it down, flinching when he feels Ian nod encouragingly against him. Rather, he dips his head, cheek resting on the back of Ian's hand as fresh tears quietly leak from him, a rogue one snagging on Ian's wrist before sliding down. "Hey," Ian gentles, hand stirring beneath him. "Don't have to hold anything back. Can be as loud as usual." He wants to, he truly does. Pleasure builds deep within him, its sounds catching in his throat, begging to be freed. Other noises tether themselves, too, ones he'd rather not bring to fruition, and he draws in his bottom lip to keep them at bay, the stubborn desire to hand-pick them denying him the deliverance of any. Restraint coils around him and he clings to it in turn, actually praying Ian doesn't stand for it and finds a way to cut it down, his authority easier for Mickey to give in to than his own permission to be vocal.

Also, all the beautiful comments I got for the fic and all the reblog tags I got for my Galladrabbles, I always screenshot those so I can easily find and reread them whenever I need a pick-me-up 💕

And to start off 2024…

1) Do you have any writing/creation goals for the year? What are they?

Just to write more without any expectations and see where it takes me, whether it's fanfic or personal stuff. Make it fun, write with abandon and focus more on the process than the final result, more on the emotions I wish the story to evoke than on the construct of things. Try to finish up most of the Gallavich WIPs I've had going on since summer of 2022, but not be afraid to drift away if something else inspires me in the moment and just write, write, write.

2) Is there a fic or idea that you’re really excited to be able to continue to work on in the new year (shout out to my fellow fic writing folks who take forever to finish wips, sometimes it’s nice to be able to continue working on something even if you wish you’d gotten it done! Now you get even MORE time with it!)

There's one domestic/fluff/angst communication-centered Gallavich fic I got the idea for and outlined not long after I joined the fandom, but thought I needed more practice before writing it that I feel ready enough to jump back into now, so that's very exciting. I also have a 13K WIP one-shot of gratuitous smut that I wrote for Kinktober 2022 that I was 90% done with, but scrapped because I used my then limited resources to complete Everything instead, and I'd love to give it a rewrite and complete it. There are ideas brewing for a Blackbonnet fic as well, but I'd rather wait and see whether we get a season 3 before delving into it, since I prefer to write post-canon. Also continue Galladrabbles, my dear 100-word morsels that are super fun to write and allow me to experiment with different themes and styles which I can later apply to other projects if I see fit.

3) What’s something new in your writing you want to try/are going to try? A different writing style? Different fandom? Darker works? Fluffier? Longer or shorter?

I'd like to work on being less rigid in my sentence structure, play around with length/pacing in order to convey the mood better. Stop focusing on counting how many times I've used a certain word and switching it out even though it fits perfectly, not allow editing to suck the joy out of things in a way. I'd love to write more at a faster pace, too, but since severe brain fog prohibits me from writing a single coherent sentence on particularly bad days and that a 7K one-shot took me 6 months to write + 2 months to edit, I'm just content with keeping my motivation strong and spirits high while writing at whatever pace I can manage. I'd also like to experiment more with angst and see how I navigate difficult, dark, traumatic topics as well as possibly try writing in the past tense, as I'm not sure a present one is the way to go for every fic.

4) What’s something you love about your own writing that you will continue to appreciate in the new year?

My ability to dive into a character's psyche in order to describe their feelings and reasonings in complicated situations, all the while making sure I sprinkle at least a tiny bit of humor along the way. I'd love to continue playing with themes such as healing through communication and sex and working out their kinks as a couple, both in and outside the bedroom, all in favor of emotional breakthroughs that strengthen the bond between them. If the level at which I'm able to portray a character's vulnerability matches the enthusiasm I have for exploring it, I reckon I'll stay on the right track this year.

Tagging @lupeloto, @crossmydna, @metalheadmickey, @gallawitchxx, @whatthebodygraspsnot, @ian-galagher, @squidyyy23, @bawlbrayker, @secret-gallavich, @juliakayyy, @look-i-love-u, @thisdivorce, @mmmichyyy, @howlinchickhowl, @callivich, @lingy910y, @arrowflier and @sam-loves-seb in case you haven't done this and would like to, otherwise just ignore the double tag and accept this cookie as a token of my adoration 🍪🥰

[oddlittlestories]

So I just saw a Dexter gifset about him “not having a next level” and the reminder of how his empathy was handled vs. empathy & ethics in Woe.Begone slingshotted me into ✨Meta Brain Space✨ come into my Meta Danger Circle ⭕️

Disclaimer that I haven’t watched Dexter in a WHILE and I don’t remember a lot of specifics. Also I get a bit critical of Dexter here, so if it’s your fave ever, you might just skip this meta post and go listen to Woe.Begone instead bc I think you’ll like it.

Spoilers ahead.

I’ve tagged it too so you can go blacklist it if you don’t want Woe.Begone spoilers from s1e1-4.

Okay okay so Woe.Begone handles empathy in such such such a cool way. The main character, Mike Walters, tells everything in retrospect in a detached manner, describing how he was terrified / sobbing / etc. *at the moment*. It’s actually impossible for me to tell whether this character has low empathy or atypical expression of empathy.

Like when the challenge is to kill a pig:

goddamnit! I don’t wanna kill a pig! I mean, I know, I eat meat, specifically pork, and so I’ve just been outsourcing this exact labor for my whole life. I’m a hypocrite if I’m willing to let suffering happen as long as it’s just outside my eyeline, but f-fuck it! I can be a hypocrite. I’m worse shit than that all the time. I’m a liar, I’m a bad friend, I’m a shitty podcaster. Just throw “hypocrite” on the heap, it’ll fit right in.

This isn’t a perfect example but you can see how he has a detached approach to his own flaws that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen in a character.

In episode 2, he talks about himself. How he is with people.

[Mike:] I’m not always the best guy. I remember on my freshman floor in college, a new friend was on the phone with her parents, and she was talking about everyone she had just met. When she got to me she said,

MIKE [electronic voice effect]: “There’s the dude, Mike. He’s pretty cool. He’s not nice, but…”

MIKE [normal voice]: Woof. I’d like to think that I’ve done some self-reflection since then but have I really? I tend to bulldoze over other people and their needs and problems more than I should. And more than I would like, I would add. I don’t always like myself and I definitely don’t like when I figure out that I’ve done this. So, this could just be my reputation finally catching up with me… Or it could be WOE.BEGONE.

This feels so incredibly ND to me, especially paired with the flat tone he uses in the show (it’s not monotone, in fact it’s quite engaging, but it IS flat, you should listen to it if you haven’t)

And the show REFERENCES DEXTER. When Mike cuts off his own arm, he puts up plastic sheeting, because his main real reference for the brutal gory IS Dexter.

He decides to do horrible things for the sake of the game bc he decides he wants to win. He reminds himself that a person’s life is more important than feeling embarrassed.

And he goes on a (gentle) rant about how Dexter is a ridiculous show and the only reason he doesn’t get caught is because the PD in the show is ridiculously incompetent.

But having a show make deliberate parallels between Dexter and the MC by making the MC reference the show (even if not referring to the character). And it’s a show ABOUT a clearly ND person, possibly low empathy, deliberately making both ethical and unethical decisions (by his own framework). HOLY MOLY IT’S GIVING ME THE BRAINROT

Mike unpacks the ethics around half the things he chooses to do. He cares about other people but sometimes verbally logics himself into empathy (in a way that’s often unclear to me—is he speaking that way because he doesn’t know how else to express what he feels? Or because he doesn’t feel it and has to logic himself to the moral decision?)

In some ways you could almost read Woe.Begone as a counter to Dexter. Because Dexter, too, does terrible things with (usually) an ethical framework. He explicitly lacks empathy. He’s handed the moral framework and the narrative pretty much uncritically says “he was always going to be a serial killer. so what was he going to do with that?”

And in Woe.Begone, Mike’s motives are complex. Messy. A little bit of empathy here. Curiosity there. Desire for power in the corner. Fear of consequences looming over him. He wasn’t always going to do Woe.Begone. He makes a deliberate decision. Both for every challenge he completes (as far as I know, I only just finished episode 4). And for the game as a whole. And it’s not about being good, and he claims he’s actually a kind of shitty person. And yet to me he feels like a better person than Dexter so far. Or, at least, less hollow. Filled to the brim with his own internal world.

I’d have to rewatch some Dexter to do a full cross-comparison meta, and I might. But I’m absolutely fascinated by what feels like deliberate narrative comparisons here as Dylan Griggs writes more or less a death game about what I read as a low/atypical empathy character.

[theodoraflowerday]

young royals s2e6 live reaction

lisa's been all about the parallels so if the second I press play I do not get them lying in bed together being cute I will throw my laptop out the window

well okay

I will be having so much fun with the gifset parallels

now wille is the one who stays in bed and watches simon walk away

"can't you stay a little while then?" you shouldaaaaaa

(and the curtains are closed I'm so happy)

also "I have to make things right" it's been nice (not) marcus but you gotta go

I don't even dislike him I just really want him gone I fucking hate love triangles

simon really tried to resist him tho but like. he can't. he straight up can't. I love it when two people can't resist each other

jan-olof truly dropped the ball thinking august would be better than wille to represent the crown lmfao

OH NO OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH NO OH NO OH FUCK OH NO

OH FUCK NO NOPE NO OH FUCK

august knowing the only way he can get wille to talk to him is through mentioning simon

baby of course simon wasn't gonna pick up his phone he was out there the crown prince of sweden's dick in his mouth do you really think you're a priority?

marcus honey may I recommend folklore by taylor swift there's quite a few songs I know you'd enjoy.

"but not compared to a prince" okay hoo slow down and he graceful about it

"I've been trying to tell you that I'm not ready for a serious relationship and you haven't been listening to me" YEAH BITCH YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY "OK IT WAS NICE" AND MOVE TF ON!!!!

like ngl marcus you kinda brought this upon yourself

and he had to go and be a little bitch about it

you know what marcus? you're on my shit list now. fuck you.

not that simon was any kinder with the whole you know. cheating thing. but alas I did very much say I didn't give a shit if they cheated bc I personally like it so

okay. chin up and forget about it.

"erik wouldn't have let simon go to the police" TAKE HIS NAME OUT OF YOUR FILTHY ASS MOUTH AUGUST

alexander needs to get the fuck out of hillerska

there is a witness however

oh my god

god i fucking hate august

stab him!!!!

oh wait no one's pointed a gun at august yet oh that's gonna be fun

I can't believe alexander would do that just to fuck with wille

sara kisses that horse w more passion than she kisses august lmfao

oh my god felice baby

okay now you tell her about august

"you have nothing to apologize for" haha well about That...

okay this is not the point of it

but they look so fucking sexy being a couple

OOH HE DONE DID IT

THE ROYALS ARE FUCKING MASTERS AT COVERING UP ACCIDENTS RIGHT AUGUST?

AND I'M STILL THE CROWN PRINCE NOT YOU

OH MY GOD HE WENT FUCKING OFF

HE FUCKING WENT OFF LETS GO WILLE

I DID SONETHING BAD DOT MP3 AYEEEEEEE

I love how simon straight up didn't even try to intervene lmfao he was like "ok if he shoots him then he shoots him"

I'm glad this one went off on sara too lmfao like I'm sorry but 🤷🏽

sara honey you're an idiot

"we're the same you and me" okay but like... he's got a point

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU? OH HE'S IN DEEP

"i just wanna go home" sobbing

oh he's just a baby he just wants his parents I'm crying

I'm gonna cry

oh my god just talk to him you're HIS PARENTS

"you can talk to us about absolutely anything" CAN HE REALLY YOU FUCKING BITCH

BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH

and YOU [points at ludwig]

"why are you two even here?" because it's their business too

SARA YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

you know what? I guess for the drama I can deal with all the shit she's done. but STELLA? SHE DID NOTHING WRONG WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING HER INTO THIS.

"you're so fucking full of shit" HONESTLY??? like bitch fuck that this isn't about being in love or the sex or whatever it's about the fact that HE RELEASED A SEX TAPE INVOLVING YOUR UNDERAGE BROTHER

wille playing w a lighter? he's gonna burn his hoooouse to the ground

ayub is a fuckin real one. ayub and rosh both. I'm so glad simon has them

[maddie voice] FUCK YOU AUGUST

love it when august is reminded of his place

oh the electronic tune playing, you know shit's gonna go down

oh my god

oh my god

oh my god oh my godoh my god

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YEAH BUDDY YEAH BABY LET'S GO LETS GO LETS GO

AND IF WE HAVE TO KEEP IT A SECRET THEN SO BE IT

BUT NO MORE SECRETS BETWEEN US

not the HAND

I JUST THREW A PILLOW OFF MY BED

I'M SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SOBBING AND LOSING MY MIND

HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT IMSJFKZJGLDJGKFLGJFLGJGLHI

I'M SCUTLAING SOVIVIGNG SKDNSNCNENWMAKNG

[wilhelm's breath trembling softly] WELL I AM SCREAMING

I have rewatch ed that scene like 3 times I can't believe this I'm sobbing and screaming and crying

jan-olof just found them basically inhaling each other lmfao

I can't

no I'm serious I can't

I wish jan-olof a very death

I'm kinda hoping for an "i...... am iron man" thing with wille

SARA NO

SARA NOOOOOOO

please wille pull an I am iron man thing

lmfao august's face

oh and he's a fucking amazing public speaker

that's ur future king @ sweden

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT OH MY FUCKING GOD

OH MY FUCKING GOD

HE DID IT

OH MY GOD

OH FUCK

HE PULLED AN I AM IRON MAN HE SAID IT

IT WAS A MOMENT I DIDN'T WANT TO SHARE WITH ANYONE ELSE

IISKDKDKDFKKDFKFKFKFKFKFKFKFK

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO THAT'S YOUR FUTURE KING SWEDEN THAT'S KING WILHELM (AND DUKE SIMON) RIGHT THERE

AHHSHSHDHSJFH WHAT A GOOD FUCKING ENDING

oh everything in this season was so worth it it was so worth it

I hated everything until episode 4 but I will be playing it in the background the rest of the month because if this show doesn't get renewed I will kill a bitch

[ice-sculptures]

I JUST WATCHED FEAR-O-PHOBIA AND I HAD SEEN GIFSETS ABOUT EDDIE DESTROYING HIS STUFF BUT WATCHING IT!??! WHAT THE FUCK!!??!?!?! EDDIIIIEEEEEEEEEE

I had comments about other eps (like the accidental kiss? I fastforwarded through everything relationship drama like that is NOT for me!), and probably some other stuff. But. EDDIE. EDDIE FINALLY BROKE AND /ME/? I AM ALSO NOT FEELING SO GOOD

watching the next ep and oh my god. BOY. DON'T YOU DARE SIT HER ON THE RAILING OF THAT HIGH RISE TO MAKE OUT WITH HER!!! THAT'S SO RISKY annnnnd YUP there it is! (the other luck calls weren't as nerve-wracking for me. But on this show, the tough part is knowing that sometimes people DO die)

Now I'm worried tho bc when I see the episode description only covers the small event at the very beginning of the episode? Yeah something's gonna go down. I worry for what it will be

Subtitles, I KNOW you know Ravi's name. So why did you put ROBBY? The newish guy's name was Jonah but I'm pretty sure that he's somewhere else now that Chminey's back. (also. please do not spoil if anything happens to Ravi bc I love him. Babie. I want a Ravi-centric ep but without him dying for real).

Bobby comforting Eddie ;.; I try not to make a found family a nuclear family but like.... Bobby just has Dad Vibes. They cannot be contained.

"The things that make you sad... am I one of them?" "NEVER."

Skipping forward to FOMO- how DARE they use You Are My Sunshine lyrics for this scene!!! Of them prepping the mom who fell down the shaft for transport while her girls are in the firetruck waiting and ajsdflasjdf (I love so much of the music for this show, even when it hits me in the gut) and watching the oldest girl figure it out before the others makes me so *so* sad. That poor girl.

"Why aren't the sirens on?" "Mom doesn't need them anymore" ;.; ;.; ;.;

Karen and Hen pursuing the credit card thief! Karen and Hen getting down in the CLUB! GOOD FOR THEM!!!!

Claudette! Drives! Me! NUTS! I love Bobby for being a bit of a Papa Bear about it, and Athena respecting May's wishes by telling him to stand down, too <3 I keep hoping that I'll eventually come around to it, tho I'm a little worried that might come at the expense of her dying (I'm on s5e16 May Day). bc you never know

PAINFUL BACKSTORY UNLOCKED! I knew there would be something! Things are clicking and making sense!!!

"Wait! That's my dad! I wanna ride with him." "You didn't have to lie." "I didn't. I have two dads. You're one of them."

Again, I have seen the gifsets, but it doesn't compare to watching it!!!!

I'm glad that Chimney got a chance to save Albert the way he couldn't save Kevin. I hope that helps him heal somehow ;.; And I'm glad that Albert has stuck things through so far, and now he's learned that he's ready for a different path.

I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT I KNEW THEY WOULD PULL THIS WITH CLAUDETTE!!!! I called it!!!!

i watch way too many of these kinds of shows

Also, I should not condone Taylor's jealous behavior. But like. I get it. (Also, I couldn't tell- does Lucy NOT remember the kiss? bc it feels like she doesn't remember).

Okay it is time for me to sleep! I hope you enjoy my extra long real time commentary on eps 13-16 (with a sprinkle of the eps I watched earlier today, 10-12).

let me tell you that i CANNOT watch that call with the girls and their mother. it destroyed me the first time around and i have to skip it on my rewatches unless i want to casually start sobbing out of nowhere. i adore this show's ability to make me feel so much for the victims on calls. we've known them for two, maybe three minutes and i'm still a fountain of waterworks when i press play.

HENREN IN THE CLUB!!!! i love them i love when they get to be all silly and goofy and in love. give me more happy henren in s7 please!

lucy doesn't know who taylor is to buck. she wasn't aware that buck had a gf when she kissed him, so she was confused about why taylor came up to her and started warning her about buck out of nowhere, especially when until then she'd only known taylor as the reporter who was interested in her lucky catch in 5x14 😅

also the way that so many characters get to have a second chance in may day completely RUINS me. and may calling bobby her dad? that scene is permanently tattooed in my brain 🥺🥺

i'm excited to hear what u have to say about season 6 :)

[cable-knit-sweater]

Hey bubbie 🥺

So i come to you this evening because, remember the radio interview Chris did where they had this quick quiz thing? Yk the one where he was an absolute button?! 

Now i distinctly remember that interview throwing you off the edge when it came to your daily screams at Christopher at the time and hence why i am here this fine evening, telling you about how, while i was trying to make a gifset from said interview, i almost legit cried when i noticed how red his ear and the skin behind it was getting just from holding the headphones that close to them. Like he didn't even have it fully on his head cause he was probably scared to ruin the do (the fact that he did that with all the radio interviews is so damn cute) nor was he holding it by his ear for that long anyway and it still left a sweet pinkish blemish on his milky fair skin and i saw that and i honest to god almost cried cause he is so cute and adorable 🥺

I just thought, outta everybody, you'd understand me the most on this one 😭

Love ya bubbie and hope you had a fine ass Friday 💕💕

Hi bubba!!! 💛💛How was your day? Hope you’ve recovered a little from this afternoon’s ridiculous Ari content? No? Neither have I 😫😫

And of course I remember that interview, godd I don’t think I’m over that either?? You mean this one below right?!? Okay I need a moment, crying again over that perfect hair and his stupid face, i totally understand your reaction 😭💖

This definitely threw me off the edge into extreme unhinged-ness because, LOOK AT HIM BUBBA 😫😫😭and now that you mention it, I do see how his ears are a little red, especially in those two lower ones 🥺 He reaaally was struggling with those headphones in all of these interviews wasn’t he?

I am certain it has something to do with not ruining that pretty pretty hair of his. And that’s so fair? Because that hair is perfect? The only messing with it that should be done is by fingers lovingly running through those curly locks, I volunteer 😫😫

But yes Oula baby, he is extremely cute and adorable, sooo freaking soft in these 🥺🥺 I can barely handle it, so I don’t know how you’re capable of making another set of this interview, because just looking at these gifs is making me want to coo and sob 🥺 HE’S JUST SO CUTE AND PRETTYYYY 😭💖💖

I’m also 100% certain that whatever gif set you’re making, it’s gonna be wonderful, amazing, show-stopping, is gonna make me lose my mind a little more. Because you’re really a genius, and I’m so in awe of you??

Thank you for dropping by bubba, hope you’re having the most wonderful evening! love you love you love you 💕💕💕💕💕

[blush-and-books]

i’m sorry, but i fell in love tonight

short fic based off of this gifset by @juliesmolinas and the song is there somewhere by halsey. in fact it is mandatory that you listen to the song/read the lyrics/both before/during reading this. yes i said mandatory.

angst with a sappy ending, julie goes through a lifetime of emotions in less than 3k, was originally gonna write when i was in a more emotionally raw state but writing this made me emotionally raw so... enjoy <3

warnings: swearing

Julie made the promise at some point -- she just doesn’t know exactly when.

It may have been when he appeared at her school, all shy smiles and soft glances, professing that she made him a better writer. Or, more definitively, it could have been when she forlornly pulled him into her arms a moment before she was positive that she was to lose him forever. 

All that she knew was her time with Luke was fleeting. So she swore that her butterfly-wing crush was not allowed to fill her chest or dizzy her thoughts; that his lyrics would mean nothing more next to hers than words on a page and his touches would bring her little to no comfort.

Luke Patterson could not complete her. 

The universe wouldn’t allow it -- and neither would Julie Molina. 

But -- either Luke was blissfully unaware of their impending doom or he genuinely didn’t care -- he forced himself through every barrier she attempted to erect. And it was driving her nearly insane, because she made a promise to protect herself. 

Maybe she wasn’t strong enough to do it. Or maybe the universe, despite refusing to give Julie Luke in his entirety, did not want her to be protected. 

It was all in the little things-

When she stayed up with him in the garage, playing him all of the songs he’s missed in 25 years, and he danced around on the slippery floor in his socks and grinned at her with wide green eyes. The neon emerald in the dim light was reminiscent of driving on the highway and passing sign after sign leading to the exits she could have taken, but couldn’t bring herself to.

How New Years Eve arrived and the Molina family gathered in the driveway to light sparklers; Luke’s hand brushing hers as he passed off one of the two in his hands. 

In his head lulling onto her shoulder while she was trying to finish some homework with his help on the torn couch and his lips moving against her bare skin  as he mumbled that she needed to take a break before driving herself insane; followed by her braiding her hair to get it out of her face.

She already had driven herself insane -- but not over her homework. 

(His mouth on her shoulder was the answer to a prayer she never dared to murmur aloud.)

Luke never failed to be present when he was needed. If she was sick or stressed or depressed, he knew when to fuse to her side and when to offer some space. Through careful observation rather than conversation, he knew which of her many sweatshirts were reserved for illness or emotional support. 

In most of those situations, she needed him, too. Her fingernails would curl into his biceps through a cramp or wave of tears and he would wrap her in his embrace and swarm her with warm words that dried her eyes.

She hated it.

When they wrote music, it felt as though they were already reading each other's minds before either of them had spoken a word about their plans. Their journals contained inky black waterfalls spilled from an intimacy that Julie did not want to dissect. 

Again, she hated it. She loved it more than anything and hated that she loved it all -- because it could never be real. 

She would always play second fiddle to death. 

Julie made the promise to herself to not let Luke complete her because, while she had him for now, the night of the Orpheum was a reminder that the universe would not hesitate to snap it’s fingers and eliminate him from existence. 

The universe, being the confusing, stubborn bitch it is, just didn’t get the memo on that promise. 

Because Luke filled every crack and restored every gap in her being, and he shouldn’t.

The hopeless, pining romantic in her that constantly argued with her realist side said they were meant to meet. Even if it was brief and heartbreaking and had the power to hurt her in a way she didn’t understand, it had to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to happen, then how and why did he cross space and time only to fall at her feet?

(Soulmates, a taunting voice whispered. Soulmates.)

((The voice was locked in a closet as punishment.))

She didn’t want to entertain the word. It had too much of a forlorn, wistfully romantic sound to it that Julie didn’t need to associate with Luke when she spent most moments with him at this point convincing herself that she wasn’t in love.

Until tonight.

It is past midnight, which is when anyone’s mental state starts to alter. Things that would be labelled as bad ideas in the daylight could very possibly become fair game when shrouded in a darkness that made everything private. The two of them, Luke and Julie, Julie and Luke, are nestled together on the piano bench as her fingers tiredly press each cut of ivory in a working melody.

“I have an idea,” Luke says, gently shifting his left hand to cover hers on the keys. “Why don’t we press pause on this song for a minute?”

Then, she finally looks up at him. Her eyes probably have crescents like the dark side of the moon crossing her skin, and her hair is all over the place, but he’s staring at her in one of the rare ways that she hates.

She hates it because the look convinces her that she completes him.

This time, however, there’s a hope. A hope, and a hesitance, and she’s simultaneously extremely nervous and beyond curious as to what his plans are. 

“Did- Didn’t you want to finish this tonight?” 

Regret strikes across his face, but he recovers. The softness is back. “Yeah, I just think we need a change of pace.” Right hand on the back of his neck: A telltale sign of a confession of some kind. She’s seen it more times than is healthy. “There was another song I wanted to show you, actually.”

“Oh.” She blinks, he waits. “Yeah, uh, I mean, yeah. Show me. What do you have so far?” He clears his throat as he thrums through the pages to find his target. “The whole thing.”

Julie doesn’t have time to react -- although she’s already in a panic -- before the leather-bound book is being awkwardly shoved into her hands, and the first thing she sees at the top is Luke’s nearly illegible scribble of Dark Room (song for Julie).

“Luke-”

“Just read it.” His voice is significantly raspier than it was a minute ago. “Please.”

She can’t. If he feels the same way and the confession is undeniably in front of her, then what is she supposed to do? Would she rather break Luke’s heart now to save them both down the line, or delay the misery a little longer?

It’s not that she doesn’t want it -- she does. But she doesn’t know if she’s emotionally equipped for any of the options that are offered to her. The destination of any path she chooses leads to a world of heartache.

So, she does the only thing she can think in the moment: She reads the song.

Instantly, the lyrics are blurred from the tears in her eyes because she sees the words “love” and “together” and her greatest fears and grandest wishes are coming true. The sonnet proclaims that she’s his light that illuminated his once-dark forever, and that he was hers when they didn’t even know each other, and that he will be hers wherever he ends up next.

He just wanted her to know that he would have waited another lifetime in the blank, limitless limbo he was in for 25 years if he knew she would be there when he was set free.

And, in the moment, Julie allows herself to acknowledge that her promise is broken.

She’s fallen in love. 

And, apparently, he has too.

(Maybe they can claim just one night. The universe owes them that much, doesn’t it?)

“Julie?” God, he sounds so worried. A shaking finger trails up her jaw to catch falling tears, and his contact makes her gasp. He pulls away and shoves his hands together to fidget in his lap. “Julie, are you- Fuck, I’m sorry, I just fucked this up, didn’t I? I fucked it all up. Fuck, I-”

When she chances a look up at him for the first time in the couple of minutes that she’s been staring, hopelessly, at the song in her lap -- he’s got his face covered by his hands pressing roughly into his eyes, and he’s turned to face the piano instead of her.

He takes a deep breath, and it sounds… 

Stuffy. 

Three more tears leak from Julie’s eyes. More build up every minute as her right hand runs along his shoulder, “Luke…”

“No, Julie, please just drop it.”

“Luke.”

“I clearly misread a lot of stuff, and I’m tired, so maybe you can just go to bed and forget-”

Her hand wraps tightly around his upper arm like it’s done so many times when she has been in distress. “Luke.”

There’s a crack in her voice from sheer desperation. She needs him to look at her, so that she can wipe his tears and smile through the sobs and tell him he didn’t misread a single thing. She would wait a lifetime for him to come out of the dark room, she loves him too, and she’s going to forget all about it. 

And ask him to do the same.

At least the scratch of his name catches his attention long enough, because he angles back towards her, and swallows thickly before meeting her eyes. Salty teardrops linger against his eyelids and eyelashes; the red rimming illuminating the oceanic green to look like a gemstone. Her grip relaxes.

“Yeah, Julie?”

She attempts a smile. “The song is beautiful, Luke. I love it.”

I love you.

“That’s it? It’s beautiful, and you love it, but you don’t… I’m not in your dreambox, huh?”

He clearly hasn’t dug through it in awhile. He’s everywhere. Discarded guitar picks and notes he’s left in her school journals and plenty, plenty of songs.

It’s funny, because she told him her dreambox was for things that didn’t make her sad. Luke was a double-edged sword -- making her happy every day in a new way, and making her cry into her pillow at night.

How does she explain this? There’s a whirlwind of responses running through her brain and she can barely coherently comprehend any of them. 

“No,” she finds herself sighing as she raises her hand to his cheek, followed by her other hand so that he can’t try and turn away. “No, Luke, no… You’re wrong.”

“What do you mean ‘I’m wrong?’”

Her bottom lip starts to shake. “You think I don’t love you back.”  Both of them feel their breath catch at her use of the word out loud. It feels like a secret that shouldn’t be repeated. “And you’re wrong.”

“... I’m wrong.”

“Of course you’re wrong! You really think I don’t love you back?”

“Why are you crying if you love me?”

“Because we can’t do this!”

He scoffs, and Julie’s heart is racing in her chest as he pushes himself off of the piano bench and her hands fall from his face. What has she done?

“That’s bull, Julie.” His fingertips tug at his hair. “You don’t need to make a big dramatic show to convince me it’s wrong just to let me down easy. You aren’t going to talk me out of this.” Dead-on, he stops pacing back and forth, and looks her in the eye. “I love you.”

Listening to him say it, the way his mouth moves and his voice ticks with conviction at each syllable, is what makes her break. 

“And I love you too.” 

He reels back. He probably wasn’t expecting her voice to raise from their odd, in-between whisper and normal volume.

“But don’t you get it? Luke, we aren't in some magical place where we can meet each other in the middle. A place like that doesn’t exist. You’re dead, and I’m alive, and any future here ends with both of us losing each other.” 

“Julie-”

“You said you would wait another lifetime, right?” Using his own lyrics against him. She watches his hands twitch before nodding; the movements of his head barely visible. “Then wait. Another lifetime, another two -- the fucking universe clearly didn’t want us to have this one, so we’re stuck waiting for the next one.”

Even through his clear and fighting need to argue, to talk with her about this, he stiffly nods his head. It’s obvious that she has thought way too much about this from the way she’s barely choking out each word before crumbling into tears before his eyes -- but then again, he’s thought about it too. 

Callused hands are running along her neck to tilt her face up out of the blue. She was too busy crying to notice that he had crossed the distance between them to stand right in front of her and assure that she was meeting his eyes.

“Luke-”

“No, Julie, it’s my turn. Please.”

She won’t argue with him. So, with a tender swipe of his thumbs under her eyes, he proceeds.

“Look, I get it. You think I don’t get it? I fucking hate being dead, for so many reasons, Julie. But if I never died, I never would have met you.” Her lips part, and maybe he thinks she’s going to protest because he smoothly lifts a finger in front of her lips that barely makes contact. 

(Julie almost presses her lips into it.)

“And you’re right. I wish there was somewhere that we could meet in the middle, but we don’t have that. I wish so many things, Julie. But none of them involve a life where I don’t have you.”

She whimpers, because listening to the man that normally chains his emotions in a cage bare his soul to her at nearly one in the morning is a seriously more out-of-body experience than she expected. She knew, deep down, that she loved him. But she never allowed herself to feel the all-encompassing warmth that she feels now.

“But hey, Julie, look at me,” he coaxes her with a tone that drips with affection. The pads of his fingers are nearly kneading into the back of her neck. “Like you said: The universe didn’t want to give us this lifetime. They couldn’t let us have all the fun, right?” Both of them let out a watery chuckle. “But they still brought me to you, didn’t they? They let me know you in this lifetime, even if we couldn’t have forever. I said I would be yours wherever I am. So even if this,” he gestures to his ghostly form, “isn’t forever, even if we don’t have this lifetime… You know I’ll love you forever, right?”

It was a monologue straight from one of her dreams that left her waking up with a manic smile and tears running down her face. 

Unable to form any other response besides an unaware nod, Julie waits for him to continue.

“And maybe, the universe will give us the next lifetime, or a whole new universe, or… Just somewhere where we can get forever.” 

Abruptly, his hands slide from her neck and grasp her hands like he needs to hold on firmly enough to believe that she’s still real in front of him. Julie is still speechless and teary, and in the most sentimental gesture, Luke kisses the back of both of her hands. 

“We’ll get forever, Julie.” His warm breath puffs against her skin. “I promise you.”

And, well, if he promises forever in the next life -- then why can’t she take what she can get in this one?

--

tags: @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @lydias--stiles @moreflowersthanweeds @pink-flame 

[earstwo]

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I hit 7k recently after losing almost 1.5k followers when I converted to a Reylo blog (not sorry in the slightest) and decided it was time to finally compile some of the INCREDIBLE fanfics that I’ve read since joining the fandom in December. 

I’m constantly impressed by the talent around here and I'm so grateful to love a ship that has some of the most amazing content I’ve ever seen. The creators in this fandom are second to none. I’m so thankful for all they do and all that they give to us. 

Please keep never stop sharing your gifts. <3 

**Note: Most (pretty much all) of these are rated E. 

Without further ado, here are (some of) my favorite stories: 

The Jedi Path  by SouthsideStory | 19k | E | I am such a sucker for Jedi Academy Ben and Rey. It’s everything I never knew I needed, and this fic is a beautiful rendition. If you know me at all, you know that I devour Angst with a Happy Ending stories, and this is no exception to that rule.

Exile by Ernzo | 22k | E | Oof. This one hurts. Leia sends Rey to the planet where Ben is exiled. It’s angsty and sad and cathartic in every way. I’ve read it dozens of times. 

Before the Saber Swings by @waterlilyrose​ | 28k | M |  Fuck. When I tell y’all that this story fucked me up, I mean it from the bottom of my s o u l. It stayed with me for days. I literally couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt so real to me that I was in physical pain while reading it. I also made an AU gifset of the fic with a quote from Buffy because I’m extra and love pain. 

penitence by @bettsfic​ | 16k | M | Look, Betts is one of my favorite fanfiction authors of all time. Her Bellarke works are some that I’ve read dozens of times and I was fucking ecstatic when I found out she also writes Reylo. This is an A+ TROS fix-it that is lovely and soft and sweet. 

The Writings of Ben Solo by BurnedStars777 | 39k | E | This was recced to me by the fabulous @galacticidiots​ and is just a fantastic story all around. Rey finds Ben’s journal whilst stuck on a planet with Kylo Ren and she (eventually) connects the dots. Rey falling in love with Ben sight unseen? Here. For. it.  find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel by again_please | 17k | E | A fantastic post-TLJ story with angsty and broody Ben and just some all around quality smut. I devoured this and have read it multiple time since. 

We Could Plant a House, We Could Build a Tree by @likeadove​ | 124k | E | I will probably never stop reading this fic. It’s such a beautiful coming of age story for Rey and her relationship with Ben as she grows up is just... gah. It’s fantastic. Please read it.    

Soul Searching by OptimisticBeth | 205k | E | Soulmates AU where Ben is Rey’s teacher? Sign me the fuuuuck up, and Soul Searching is so fucking well written. I go back to this one every few weeks and just gush at how great the world building is. I love the relationship Rey has with Leia and Han. It’s rich with love and angst and fluffffff. So good. 

Coveted by OptimisticBeth | 82k | E | WIP | OptimisticBeth is just an incredible writer, so you should honestly read all of her stuff, but I am so, so, so into this fic. It’s A/B/O and Ben’s Rey’s pack leader. He, along with a bunch of other Alphas are trying to court Rey, a highly desired Omega. It’s so fucking delicious, y’all. Alpha Ben Solo is just...it doesn’t get much better. 

A Treehouse Covered in Salt by violethoure666 | 34k | E | This fic made me cry my eyes out. I’m not kidding. It’s so raw and real. It hurts to read at some points, but you care so much about Ben and Rey in this that you fight through the pain. They grow up together as neighbors and Han builds them a treehouse where they meet throughout their childhoods/teen years. Prepare to cry but also be so fulfilled and satisfied. It’s wonderful. love it when you call me lover by @kylotrashforever​​ | 66k | E | WIP | First, let me say that anything by KTF is going to be gold. These fics I have listed are just a few of my favorites at the moment. Lover is hot as fuck (as is all of her stuff) but also fluffy in the best way. It’s in Sadsville right now so I’m fucking PUMPED for her to update. Ben’s a doctor who basically gives Rey a sexual awakening when he proves her statement of “I just don’t think I can come from (insert sexual act here)” very, very wrong.  

mountain at my gates by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | More A/B/O goodness. Omega Rey’s car breaks down on a mountain. Ben is a mountain man Alpha. You can probably guess what happens from there. *fans self* 

take me to church by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | I love this story so much. Ben is the pastor’s son at the church Rey grows up in. They start hooking up in secret and are terrrrrrible at communicating with each other which leads to angst. But it’s so sweet and soft while also being super hot. I love this Ben and Rey so much. 

Your Pretty Little Heart by @ever-so-reylo​ | 64k | E | The A/B/O Reylo bible, I feel like. They’re doctors and he’s a grumpy as fuck Alpha. Shenanigans ensue. And by shenanigans I mean a lot, a lot, a LOT of sex. 

The Food of Love by @lovesbitca8​ | 60k | E | Y’all. If you haven’t read this yet, please stop what you’re doing and read it RIGHT NOW. I ate this fic up in one sitting because holy SHIT it’s amazing. It’s so well written and the story is just... absolutely exquisite. Ben is cellist that’s also a famous rockstar and Rey’s an up and coming violinist and they fall in loOOoOOve in the best, most angsty, sexiest way. Please just read it right now. The scene when she firsts goes to his apartment and plays one of his cellos............you guys. It’s a lot.

Already Home by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 81k | E | This is soulmates + A/B/O so naturally I am obsessed with it. Rey gets connected with her soulmate via a website and he’s going by the name Kylo Ren. At the same time, she’s also moving in with grumpy librarian Ben Solo. She falls in love with both but has no idea that they’re the same person. It’s INCREDIBLE. 

Tangled but Unbroken by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 20k | M | I read this the other night and it’s so fucking soft. I am such a fucking sucker for growing up together fics and this is just such top quality. The braiding kills me every goddamn time. Also, I’m making my way through all of Attack’s works right now and they’re all incredible. Highly recommend. 

Dear Mr. President by @shmisolo​ | 89k | E | I love this Ben so much. The characterization is so on the money. The angst is absolutely delicious. The smut is top brass. Oh, and did I mention they’re soulmates? It’s everything you need, I promise. 

Good Day, Professor by @faequeentitania​ | 38k | E | One of the best Professor Solo fics out there. I’m such a sucker for age difference fics. Of course there’s angst, who do you think I am? 

Embers by sciosophia | 34k | E | Breaking up/getting back together fics are some of my favorites and this one is fantastic. The pining with these two is ridiculous. You just want to smush their faces together. It’s a beautiful love story. 

Reclaimed by @bettsfic​ | 14k | E | Ughhhhhhhhhh, Reclaimed. I am so in love with Reclaimed. Alpha Ben adopts Omega Rey after she’s rescued from this terrible Alpha that held her captive for most of her life. She doesn’t talk and Ben has to help her learn to be a human being and not just a subservient Omega. This Ben is the Ben of my dreams. No contest. 

the following are all written by  @kylorenvevo​. please read them all if you haven’t already. 

landscape with a blur of conquerers | 362k | E |  Y’all know this shit is fire. It’s basically the bible. If you haven’t read this yet, consider this as me yelling at you to do it NOW.   

like young gods | 84k | T | fuck, the Sword of the Jedi series is incomparable when it comes to in-universe fics. I cannot begin to express how much I love this story. It’s so soft and intense and sad. Like, gut wrenchingly sad. Ben senses Rey on Jakku when she’s six and he and Luke take her back to the Jedi Academy. She grows up with Ben. 

to kingdom come | 145k | M |  The sequel to Like Young Gods. I’m not gonna spoil much here, but just know I cried through most of this fic. I downright SOBBED at the end. It’s gorgeous and I will never stop rereading it. The love these two have for each other... it’s unreal. 

i kill giants  | 34k | E | WIP | The TROS fix-it we all need. Ben is alive and finds Rey on Tatooine. It’s soft and Thea does a great job of soothing so many of the gaping wounds we were left with after TROS. My heart soars every time I read a new chapter. This is what we deserved. :( 

the heartbreak prince | 58k | E | WIP |  Harry Potter AU. Professor/student. Size kink. Virginity kink. ANGST. All the good things life has to offer. Professor Solo is fucking filthy in this and I (along with Miss Niima)  am here 👏 for 👏 it. 

place the moon at my eyes (and her whiteness shall devour)  | 29k | E | Another breakup/get back together fic that I absolutely adore.

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Thank you to everyone that’s been so kind and welcoming to me the past couple of months! I love this fandom and its energy and enthusiasm and how much everyone seems to care for each other. I hope that I can continue to create content for you forever <3 

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

imagine the writers actually liked blair & released her from the shackles of her relationship with THAT man, how would you have liked to see dan & blair's relationship develop from there? individual character development, conflicts, scenes, anything that comes to ur mind! i love seeing your analyses and opinions on this blog - ur able to express ur thoughts so aptly!

when you say “THAT man” i don’t actually know whether you mean chuck or louis, so i’m just going to interpret it as both of them, sklhfdklghf. though in a lot of ways this response focuses more on dan & blair, so!  [ read more because it got long...duh] [most of the links will take you to gifsets by @danandblair  - if you’re not following, you should! morgan’s undeniably the best of the best *sobs*]  

tbh, i feel like... canon dair was already so good, in so many ways. they were playful, they both made each other happy, they were able to have open conversations - neither of them had any illusions about the other person, and both of them were very much on the same wavelength about what they wanted from a relationship. nads @mysteriesofloves has said a bit about how they’re romantically very compatible over here  - it’s better than anything i could say.

dan and blair are really interesting though, because they understand each other very intuitively. as early as the stairwell scene in 1x04, where dan tells blair about the situation with his mother, and then in the bit in 1x15 where nate hugs vanessa and dan & blair see it, they both just...exchange a look and neither of them needs to say a word... they get it. this intuitive understanding of each other gives their relationship - when they are in a relationship - a good solidity, because there’s less scope for miscommunication when you’re with someone who knows you well enough that they don’t misunderstand you very often? 

there’s just so many instances where dan’s insecure/jealous of chuck, and blair reassures him, and the whole thing in ‘despicable b’ where blair sabotages him at the event, but they resolve it and talk about it! even though both of them can be insecure in their own ways, they trust each other! both of them genuinely want the other to succeed!

they both saw each other in a real way - look how blair describes dan to dan here, look how dan tells her what he sees in her. unlike how dan saw serena or blair saw chuck, dan & blair’s expectations of each other are grounded in reality and in experience. their romance was a progression of their friendship, which is what made it so stable, imo. 

what i think needed to be done differently was like - the fact that chuck is blair’s ex, and out of all her exes, probably the one whose relationship with blair was the most ‘intense’, and dan knew this. dan knows that blair loved chuck - hell, he gave her advice on how to seduce chuck back in s2. even when her diary was leaked and whatnot, the fact that he was like *shocked pikachu* about it didn’t make sense to me. dan knew from day 1 that he was in love triangle territory with blair, so to suddenly be shocked by her feelings for chuck felt really ooc. also, i’ve spoken about this before in some other context, but serena leaking blair’s diary directly parallels vanessa stealing dan’s manuscript. when vanessa stole dan’s manuscript, he was hurt and he tried to stop her from publishing it, because he wasn’t ready. given that he’s been through this exact form of betrayal, i would’ve expected him to be more sympathetic to blair. that diary leak shouldn’t have torn them apart imo.

i also think that what blair was going through was... a lot. chuck, louis, the miscarriage, the pressures of the press, the responsibilities that came with being blair grimaldi and the knowledge that she would have to undertake them, serena being unreliable (the ‘evil serena’ arc! oh this’ll be a completely different essay if i take it there), her mother ready to give her waldorf designs, her needing to choose a career or whatever, all of that together is really a mess. and it’s a mess that dan, all by himself, couldn’t possibly fix - even if he wanted to! i think blair’s moving past all of that should’ve been given some focus. i think she would need therapy (to be honest, everyone on this show needs therapy, but again: different discussion) and maybe... the idea of blair in a support group warms my heart. a support groups for people who’ve had miscarriages, or for survivors of intimate partner violence, or something like that. it would’ve been good for her to have safe spaces where she could acknowledge that she’d been going through these incredibly stressful and traumatizing things, and while dan humphrey, supportive boyfriend and wife guy extraordinaire is There, it’s never healthy to use a single person as a support system, and i think blair needed focus at this point of the arc to recover and get better and be able to put herself first. 

i also really wish that there’d been resolution and acknowledgement of how in the past, blair had been awful to jenny and vanessa - given that they’re dan’s sister & dan’s best friend (dan/vanessa friendship should’ve stayed strong throughout the show, i am forever pissed off that it was ruined) - given that, i felt like it’s definitely something that should have come up at some point, and been another thing they had to get through as part of their relationship.

there might be something else i’m forgetting, i don’t know.

to conclude: something i really liked was that dan & blair’s first time having sex was... not good, but they got past it (look at this! ahhh.) i loved that because dan AND blair are both such... perfectionists isn’t the best word, but like... they both care So Much about things like this? like, their first time being Good is something they were both so serious about, and they’re just. they take these things so seriously. but they were able to move past it anyway and it didn’t really matter that their first time was awful, which. given how much both of them overthink & overanalyze and/or put too much significance in arbitrary things - given that, it was cool that they didn’t get stuck there? idek how to say this.

yeah, that’s all i’ve got.. i think!

[twinferns]

wandavision finale, and i have thoughts

im truly speechless.

if you haven't yet watched yet it prepare to cry.

spoilers below the cut

- so we really just jumped into it huh? right back in the street.

- let me tell you i cackled when wanda threw that car at agatha, and the wicked witch reference? amazing

- UH WHITE VISION BIG SCARY NO THANKS

- YUH JUST AS I PREDICTED, WHITE VISION GOES FOR WANDA BUT REAL VIS SWOOPS IN

- it shouldn't be but peter fietro pietro holding monica in his man cave is sending me

- the white vision/thanos parallels are both so cool and heartbreaking, like how he went straight for the mindstone i-

- MY MAIN MAN JIMOTHY WOO BACK AT IT AGAIN - FLOURISH

- can agatha shut up for one god damn minute about yOuRe GoInG tO dEsRtRoY tHe WoRlD

- oh ho ho sarah monica returns this is very disturbing

- all this pietro/peter/fietro build up for a BONER JOKE - oh so pietro (please idk what to call him someone help) was ralph all along? then why did they cast evan peters? and then how would he have super speed?

- this is breaking my heart, poor wanda is trying her best but it's all too overwhelming this is gonna make me cry

- HAYWARD BETTER GET HIS UGLY ASS AWAY FROM THE OPENING OF THE HEX

- i need therapy after watching vision nearly disintegrate again, and the twins falling apart, im gonna sue kevin feige for emotional distress, you have no idea how much pain i felt watching billy and tommy screaming for their mom

- oh god the family group huddle was so cute but then agatha had to go and ruin it

- petition to let wanda have one minute of pure happiness, 60 seconds, that's all, just give her a god damn break please im begging you marvel

- "boys, handle the military. mommy will be right back" I SCREAMED OMG

- BILLY AND TOMMY ARE THE POWER DUO WE DESERVE - what kind of fucking psychopath would shoot at fucking children, and then upon seeing someone step in front of them KEEP FUCKING SHOOTING - bless monica rambeau for willingly taking bullets for billy and tommy without knowing that she was bullet proof

- "nice tricks." "i like yours too" THEYRE TOO CUTE - DARCY MY ICON BEATING THE TRAFFIC JUST IN TIME TO ABSOLUTE WRECK HAYWARD, "have fun in prison!! :)"

- lmao not the visions having a battle of philosophy they would, but like real vision made a good point about who the real vision is and the ship of theseus

- white vision really said "gtg have an existential crisis!"

- agatha really uno reversed on wanda

- not vision shielding the twins im gonna cry not like im crying already or anything

- PERIOD WANDA USING THOSE RUNES HUGLYFKHJ - "but i dont need you to tell me who i am" AND THEN THE GOD DAMN COSTUME SCARLET WITCH COSTUME SHE LOOKS SO DAMN AMAZING AND IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND - yes wandaaaa slurp that power out of her like a smoothie

- well ig agnes is back?

- their walk home literally made me cry, like it feels like a walk home on a warm summer night after a fun family outing to a restaurant or something, and the kids are jogging ahead laughing and playing, while the adults stay back and watch fondly but it's the last time theyre walking home together and now im sobbing

- can someone please edit a gifset of the first ep when vision carries wanda through the front door, and the last where they close the door for the last time i will love you forever

- no you dont understand i have no words for the amount of sadness i felt watching them tuck the twins into bed, and making it all domestic and fluffy but in reality their world is closing in on them and-

- "boys, thanks for choosing me to be your mom" the emotional damage this did to me

- the vision goodbye scene messed me up big time

- "you are my sadness, and hope, but mostly you're my love" im not kidding when im say that im making kevin mf feige for my therapy

- "we have said goodbye before, so it stands to reason..." "we'll say hello again" if this isnt a tease that vision is coming back im screaming

- "so long, darling" so much pain

- it feels like narnia where they come out of the wardrobe and nothing has changed, like wanda's just standing in the empty lot as if nothing happened

- MID CREDIT SCENE OMG FURY IS SENDING FOR MONICA OMG OMG OMG - end credit scene too babeyyyy

- i respect my girl for retreating to the mountains after that, but she's astral projecting??? while her body does stuff??? is she gonna try and search the multiverse for the twins??? bc if that screaming told me anything, it told me that the twins are coming back

- so i dont think wanda is gonna be a true villain, but the world is gonna perceive her as such, and she's gonna have to work to redeem herself in the eyes of the world

im winded yall. this is has been a long journey since jan 15, and we made it. all i gotta say is i lowkey miss the standby scene

ill see yall in like two weeks for falcon and the winter soldier, gonna go binge all of wandavision to feel something again!!

[iridescentkippen]

[this is gonna be a long one so strap yourselves in]

so i’d be a clown if i didn’t say something about today??? so for starters- happy one year anniversary to tyrus and muffy! i remember exactly where i was when the finale come out, and as someone who has trouble remembering what she did yesterday that shows you how much it stuck with me. i was in disney world on vacation with my family and hadn’t been thinking about time zones, so i opened tumblr and my dash was covered in people saying that tj stood for thelonious jagger (i feel bad typing it out bc he said we aren’t supposed to tell anyone sorry teej). i remember sobbing in the middle of the world showcase as i continued to refresh my dashboard and watch the spoilers roll in.

as a young gay kid from iowa, i didn’t have much in the way of representation in the media or around me in any way. i didn’t know anybody who was gay until i was in the fifth grade and one of my friends came out to me, and i didn’t even know what being gay was until i was eight or nine. i would have killed to have had a show like andi mack on tv when i was younger. to have been able to see someone like me on my screen would have maybe made me not sit in the closet for so long in retrospect oops

andi mack aired it’s first episode on youtube back in march of 2017 (i think??? if it wasn’t that it was late february). i remember watching it and falling in love with the show. something about the characters just made me want more- and so i continued to follow the show from the sidelines. i watched each episode and read the fanfiction, i even reblogged a gifset every once in a while. but it wasn’t until cyrus came out to buffy that i actually started to get into the friendom. and that was the best decision i ever made.

the friendom might be the best fandom on tumblr? i’m just gonna say it rn? idk i just am so grateful for everyone in this fandom- especially all of y’all who stuck around after the finale aired. you make it not so hard that our emotional support show is gone. i’m gonna wrap this up, but this was supposed to be what andi mack means to me and i derailed really fast oops

so what andi mack means to me. it means home. i never felt alone while watching am and there was never a moment i didn’t feel loved while talking to people in the friendom. i would give anything in the world to have it back- even just for one more season.

[if you read all this way you’re a real one ily]

[castiel-kline]

can we talk about the scene where jack meets his grandparents??? please?? it breaks my heart everytime and your kline family gifset didn't help. please ramble, kitkat!!

First of all anon I think you must be psychic because watching that scene is what gave me the idea to make that post and I saved the gifs under “kline family gifset” while I was editing them. Just wild to me that you phrased it exactly the same 😂

But I would absolutely LOVE to talk about this, yes. 

Under a cut because if you specifically ask for rambles, you’re gonna get some rambling 💕

Let’s start by talking about why he went in the first place. He had to sneak out of the Bunker to do so, which he knew full well was dangerous and going to get him in trouble. When he comes back (and gets in trouble) he tells Cas that “it wasn’t a risk” which, hmm. But then he goes on to say, “I heard what you were saying, Cas, about finding out where I came from. I never knew my mother. I thought the next best thing might be for me to meet the only real family that I have left.” Presumably he’s referring to earlier in the episode when Cas told him that “the past, where you came from, that’s important. But it’s not as important as the future and where you’re going.” 

And to be honest I feel like Jack did take a pretty good message out of that. It’s just so sad to me that at this point he still thinks family is defined by blood (big ouch for Cas there too), and I think maybe that’s because even though he was born thinking Cas was his father, everybody (the boys, angels, demons, etc) told him no. Everyone was telling him that Lucifer is his father, Lucifer is his dad because Lucifer is in his DNA, and that’s just how it is. So despite his connection with Cas being stronger than Lucifer’s influence even before Jack was born, he was forcibly taught that none of that mattered by everyone’s constant worrying that he’d turn out to be evil (which… I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure evil isn’t genetic. So the whole thing is a little wild anyway). 

Now, I’m convinced that Jack has always fully loved and trusted Cas, but I think the nature v. nurture mindset -of, you know, everyone- complicated things a bit at the start. Fortunately, though, nobody could take away or undermine his connection with Kelly in a similar way because they ARE biologically related, so a lot of the time in season 13 I feel like Jack was basing his actions on whether or not Kelly would approve. If I’m remembering correctly, the whole reason he gave Lucifer a chance in the first place (besides his natural curiosity) was because Kelly told him in the video she left for him that no one would blame him if he went looking for Lucifer one day. He’s CONSTANTLY thinking about Kelly. He loves her so much.

So here we are in the beginning of season 14, and Jack has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing. He feels useless, and because of that he’s doubting what his place is (unfortunately this is a very Castiel thing to do). So, as usual, he looks to his mother for guidance. But since he can’t ask her directly, and Cas was the only other person who actually knew Kelly (I feel like Jack’s the type of kid to avoid “bothering” dad when he’s busy), Jack somehow found his grandparents. Logical conclusion, not even gonna lie.

I really wonder how he even did that. How did he find out about them? Did Cas know they were still around? Where do they live? How did Jack get there, since he couldn’t drive yet and he couldn’t fly at the time? I guess those things aren’t that important in the long run. But he gets there, and UGH does this scene break me inside.

The simple fact that he sought them out hurts me and melts my heart simultaneously, but just… 

The look on his face when he opens the door is too much for me. It’s like this mix of refined fear (probably of rejection) and this open wonder because this woman is his grandmother. And he knows he can’t tell her that. And then when he introduces himself and Jack Sr. comes over like “My name is Jack too!” all excited, and Jack’s expression switches from something sad to more of that wonder and he just goes “I know.” AHHHH. I think he’s probably very proud to have something that connects him to Kelly and Kelly’s direct family even further.

The entire scene definitely gave off visiting the grandparents vibes, though. Jack Sr. is just a kindly old man, and I’m pretty sure Grandma Kline (wiki says her name is Helen?) actually handed him a glass of lemonade. And this lil exchange KILLS me:

“How did you know our Kelly? Through work?”

“She… basically gave me my start.” BABY. I’M EMOTIONAL.

And then he goes for the photo album and he’s so damn happy to see pictures of Kelly. The only ones he has is the video and the picture on his nightstand, right? Whatever Cas can tell him about her (admittedly not much, because they were the sweetest of friends but they didn’t know each other that long) really isn’t going to compare to actually seeing the things that make her real.

AND THEN the real punch of the scene comes when Mrs. Kline asks him about Kelly’s pregnancy. You can tell he wants to tell them SO BAD, but he doesn’t. He just says “she had the baby,” with the purest smile on his face. And he tells them it’s a boy, and they get so excited about having a grandson and Jack’s just sitting there, unable to tell them that HE is their grandson. And it breaks my heart.

“In the time I spent with her, she was an amazing mother. Her son loves her very much.” 

Cue ugly sobbing, yeah? And he just… keeps going. He talks about what he remembers about her before he was born, and he’s smiling but his expression changes to looking like he’s about to cry when he says “she made him feel safe and wanted.” And that is just too much for me because I’m sure he feels safe with Cas, and obviously he’s wanted and loved there. But Cas isn’t Kelly and can never fill that space. And Jack has spent so much of his life feeling like he’s an unwanted burden, and he hasn't had a lot of real bonding time with Cas yet. And sure, his relationship with Sam was good at this point, but sadly I think Jack never really feels like he’s fully accepted there because he doubts his place. He doesn’t with Cas, and he’s going to get opportunities to build on that. He doesn’t have to doubt it with Kelly either, but the memory of that feeling is literally all he has. And all the times he worried he wasn’t enough before this point, I’m sure he was holding on to that memory with everything that he had.

AND THEN Mrs. Kline says that Jack looks like Kelly… and this child gets so emotional. I feel like he’s honored. But he pulls himself together and says “I don’t know, but I hope someday to have a little of her courage and purpose.” And that hits HARD for many reasons, but knowing that Jack is constantly struggling to feel useful? I’m sobbing and screaming now.

He gets up to leave looking like he’s about to break down crying, and he’s just going “I didn’t mean to intrude” (because this is a boy with manners!!!) but it’s his little “I just had to meet you” that gets me. And then he gets to shake his grandpa’s hand and hug his grandma and say he misses Kelly too. It’s SUCH a fantastic scene.

And I think it really did help him a lot, too. He confirms that it did when Cas directly asks him about in the midst of his scolding about sneaking out. And then Cas confirms that Jack looks like Kelly, which melts my poor heart even further. What Jack says to Cas there, about how he wanted to tell them that he was their grandson… it hurts. It all hurts, actually, but it’s kind of a good hurt because spn actually managed to treat Kelly and Jack’s relationship with the respect and gravitas that it deserves. And the scene with his grandparents and his scenes with Cas, both the one building up to it and the one after, are the highlights of this episode in my opinion.��

I was not expecting this to become a scene breakdown, but I hope you enjoyed my ramblings! I am always happy to cry over Jack and Kelly in an overly verbose way.

[saieras]

21 THINGS I LOVED ABOUT ENDGAME

HEAVY SPOILERS. I always tag #endgame spoilers, so make sure to block that if you haven’t

1. THE FIRST 20 MINS

Expectations? Chuck them out the window. They weren’t kidding when they said all promotional material came from the first 20 mins!!! I loved how they got right into the thick of things, cameras blazing, completely no nonsense. And CAROL omg. Also I did NOT expect Thanos’ death to be, Just Like That.

2. The Time Jump.

Very, very smart move. I liked everything about the time jump. It lets us view the event with a lens of a world shattered, a world that has had the chance to come to its senses and reel from the catastrophe.

Although it might have other implications for FFH (like, how the hell is Ned still in Peter's class if he survived? Unless the entire decathlon team got dusted together, which, hey, kinda depressing but like they say, People who decathlon together, Dust together!)

3. Intro of Thor and Clint

The cinematographic shift, including atmosphere and music, was a bit jarring, but I quite liked it. And Korg and Meek! Just hanging out

Although I’m curious, why didn’t y’all give Thor body hair? He’s got a wild beard, a dadbod with a beerbelly... He ought to have a hairy chest/stomach! Same with Clint. That japanese dude Clint killed was still speaking after his throat got slit. Wut.

4. Scott Lang.

Just. Every joke he made. Fantastic.

But also I did not expect to shed my first tear at his and Cassie’s reunion. That was great.

5. Morgan. Tony and Morgan. Tony and Peter’s photo.

Domestic Tony. So soft. AND THAT PHOTO WAS HIS. In HIS HOUSE. FRAMED. I REALLY wish we got more but that moment was very powerful. Still, I was unsatisfied. I wanted Tony to cry. I wanted Morgan to also know about Peter. Basically I want more canonical proof of Irondad Spiderson. Like, listen, this is the one loss that haunts Tony to this day. Peter’s death was the kind of pain that made Tony terrified of going again, for fear of losing Morgan.

6. THE NYC SCENE.

ALL of it. From Tony the security guard, to him talking shit about his own deodorant, to him giving himself a cardiac arrest to cause a diversion and being like this is fine, nothing to see here. And Hulk vs stairs. And STEEB. OMG STEEB. “Hail Hydra.“ “I’ve got visuals on Loki.” “I can do this all da--“ “Yeah. I know. I know.“

“Bucky... Is... ALIVE“

And butt jokes. So many Steve buttjokes. I don’t ship stony, but that is the closest y’all will get to a stony suggestive scene.

ALSO LOKI just yeeting himself outta there. That’s ma boi!

7. Frigga and Thor.

Nuff said. Mama Frigga is the best.

8. Tony and Howard.

It’s really great how adorable Tony was throughout this scene. And... while Howard was NOT redeemed, it’s nice to know he did love his son. And it’s great that Tony got some closure.

9. Peggy and Steve.

Out of the Big Three’s scenes with their “significant past people”, this one was the least impactful for me, as they didn’t even talk, BUT in retrospect it set the scene for later perfectly.

10. Gamora saves the day!

This is GREAT and showcases her character very well, who she really is despite who Thanos raised her to be.

11. Clint and Natasha

Their friendship was on full display during this film. Their scenes. And how it was all platonic. The entire audience knew, as soon as they landed on Vormir, that one of them wasn’t going to make it.

12. Just, Natasha in general.

She’s really been allowed to SHINE in this film. ScarJo is finally allowed to act! Like, thank god. About time she snapped out of her resting impassive smirkface. I love the humanity we got to see out of Natasha as a result. And her heading the command center for a post-Snap Avengers is very apt for her.

13. THE BIG 3 FIGHT THANOS

There are many, many things to love here. But Thor wielding both weapons was amazing, them teaming up their powers with lightning and Tony’s tech, and STEEB with MJOLNIR allowed him to perform SO many cool tricks. Like playing vibranium squash with the shield. So fluid. That fight scene was something else.

14. THE ENTRANCE OF THE HEROES

Assembling for the final fight. I didn’t like how it turned into a slugfest (again), but that moment of hope when Sam hails Steve... Damn.

15. MY BABY BOY PETER

So proud of him. The way he flips in, and is instantly like Woah this is a Big Fight!! How we focus on him for a large part of the battle. How he’s running through the field with the gauntlet, and people all around him coming to help him.

16. Carol’s entrance.

She singlehandedly destroyed that purple grape’s hopes and shat all over his precious spaceship. That’s our girl!

17. “Hey Peter Parker. Got something for me?”

CAROL. CArol listen. You are his mom now. That’s how it works with that damn kid. That’s how he ended up with a whole fucking team of parents.

It be like that sometimes.

18. The LADIES of MARVEL

THEY ARE AMAZING. I fully expect a gifset when the bluray is out. Every one of them. Also the way they gathered around Peter, so soft yet so badass at the same time!

Also RESCUE. OMG. PEPP. And the battlefield fighting side by side with Tony.

19. The passing on of mantles

Steve to Sam (SO glad he didnt get passed over for bucky), Thor to Valkyrie, and Tony to Pepper. These are their legacies. And they’re very skillfully done.

I forgot to add that Steve’s choice to remain in the past and grow old is an EXTREMELY tasteful move. It completes his character arc, fulfilled his dreams from back during the CA First Avenger, and eases him out of the main picture without giving us more heartbreak. It’s sad, yes, but the kind of sad that is also laced with contentment and happiness. This is what he deserves.

20. Tony’s send-off.

His death. I was glad Pepper was the last one there, to tell him it’s okay, they’ll be fine, he can let go.

AND PETER. Peter was there, trying to talk to him, sobbing and breaking down. This is what I wanted, going in, if Tony were to die. And this is what I got. You just know this is going to haunt him in FFH.

And Tony himself. His immense sacrifice, the moment he knew what he had to do, the moment Strange held up that finger. One way. UGH.

I have to admit I wanted Peter to also be there when they’re playing back Tony’s recording. I like how they otherwise didn’t miss a single member of the IronFam, though, like Rhodey, Happy, Pepper, Morgan, they’re all there. But still, Peter should’ve been.

Also, how could I forget, Harley. He totally had every right to be attending that funeral. And it shows how Tony kept in contact with him.

21. And finally, Tony. RDJ.

Thank you. Beyond all words, Thank you.

This has been one hell of a ride.

How far we’ve come. So, thank you!

[bucksbisexual]

so....... i watched ep6 since apparently i like pain now and oh my fucking GOD

first of all, INKORN!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

but also, INKORN TTTTTTT_TTTTTTT

TEARS PEOPLE. T EA R S

okay let me start from the beginning because what an episode yall

so . we start with a flashback and it was cute ! if only the last one was too HAHAHAHAHimcrying

team being like “hm...... manaow and del are really close lately......... Are They........” after i literally said it out loud was the biggest shared braincell moment i’ve ever had in my life and mind u i have a big sister who i’m very close with lmaO

(also, women are gay too pharm smh)

win being a little bitch with his I’m An Adult Bitch You Can’t Tell Me Shit to team god i love him sjfhksjf

DEAN HOLDING PHARM’S HAND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

pharm just going into cardiac arrest after dean interlocks their fingers is the biggest mood ever

also manaow baby that’s- that’s not how you check if someone is sick JKSHFSJHS

“don’t forget to eat your lunch” “don’t forget to swallow it too” “beware of choking” THEY REALLY- FHSKGFSLJJFKS

yes i went back to the episode to write that i have no memory whatsoever

i was so scared when dean had his flashback while driving like i was praying to every god in existence for him to not crash,,,, the flashback was cute though

that tear though........ that shit Hurt

but korn saying “like” !!!!!!! half of my brain was like “HE!!!!! LIKES!!!!!! HIM!!!!!!!!” and the other half was just “omg like ram” lmao

pharm calling manaow beautiful ;; yes she is she’s the most beautiful girl ever i love her with my whole heart

that mf guy who doesn’t know the meaning of no can CHOKE (also i heard the actor’s problematic or sumn???? so fuck him too bYe)

thankfully pharm is That bitch and shut him up not once not twice but a shit ton of times in like,,,, less 2 minutes

that’s my mans man hell yeah

apparently everyone in dean’s faculty knows pharm?????? lmaoooooo but when those 2 (and later 3) tried to flirt with him i was like???????? get tf out?????????? out here abusing of pharm’s niceness smh

thankfully dean came to the rescue jsfhsk

bro when pharm picked a thread and it led to dean i was like....... oh my God they actually did that

the FORESHADOWING bro

also that kiss scene......................... perfect i loved it even though i hate their outfits so much but i can get over it if it gives us this amazing scene

dean just ;; being patient with pharm and asking if he’s okay and just asking him until he gives oral (is it vocal? girl idk) answers to the questions he makes just to be sure ;;

god why can’t men be like dean why do u have to be Assholes smh

AND THE RED THREAD!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

dean making pharm wear his jacket sjfhksj u couldn’t be more territorial bro literally (and apparently) everyone knows you’re into each other theres truly no need jfshkf

“if it doesn’t invade our privacy too much, i think it’s okay. also, i think it’s a good way to let that person know that he shouldn’t mess with someone who isn’t single”

first of all, DEAN U ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART

second of all, the shadeeeeeeeeee lmao yes bitch drag his ass

and last, SKJLFHGLJKHSLKHKSJG

thank u for listening to my tedtalk

i will repeat myself, why can’t all men be like dean

also, a bonus: i of course went to the episode to get the dialogue and i saw the name lemon lemon and i was like “wait..... is that manaow???” so i google translated her name and it does mean lemon omg thats SO cute i love her even more rn

okay i don’t know if it’s only me but the girls from the cooking club? the best girls ever me thinks

okay we’re approaching the last part of the episode yall i felt so many emotions in like 13 minutes

we start with the worst, a Flashback.

i literally saw the outfit and started crying. like. no joke.

the mother??? sister?????? aunt?????? being hella worried and in being like “it’s okay i’ll be back in like . 2 seconds”

THIS BTICH NEVER CAME BACK

the little girl please i’m legit going to cry again thinking about her and imagining her waiting for in to come back home and just.... not really understanding whats happening when her mother (im guessing here) starts sobbing when she picks up the phone

OH MY GODDDDDDDD

also according to like,,, timeline and shit inkorn were  from the 60s or 80s right???? which means she’s still alive if nothing has happened to her..................

HAHA so much fun in this blog! just joy laughter and happiness!

also it was in’s birthday.............. oh my goodness

okay moving on to something that hurts less! team being the dunk boy on the booth omg win this is not how u flirt

also i realised that the open house thing happens like... mid first semester so it hasn’t been that long since deanpharm know of each other/have been talking damn bro

win teasing pharm is like,, one of my favourite things lmao i might do a gifset of these moments when i finish the drama if i’m not too lazy

deanpharm holding hands in public tho ;;;;;;; ok bitch call me single and ugly a little less louder

win though SJFKHS *looks at team’s hand* team: no. go away

oh god oh god oh godddddddd here comes the thread talk

the moment team said suicide i stopped the episode because i thought Something would happen to pharm but oh GOD I WAS NOT EXPECTING WHAT HAPPENED

THE STARES!!!!!!!! THE REALISATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE “PROMISE” AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCKUGISFUIKGJHSLGWJ

i will literally never recover

also i paused that scene so much just to scream into my comfort stuffed toy and i’m so sorry for her

i also couldn’t help but think of how the others at the table were like because if that was me idk what i’d do

i might cry or be like “wow u guys are such great actors” but inside my head because i’m an introvert

but god that was,,,,,,, yeah

and when they of course showed The flashback scene and i saw in’s outfit i cried because he truly never went back home

okay i think that’s it i literally took almost an hour to write this because i tried following the episode while having a thousand thoughts in my head + make lots of typos lmao

i hope these aren’t too bothersome to u guys ;; i post these because i need to share my thoughts somewhere but if someone doesn’t want to see them u can mute the tags i use in these posts or something hhhhh

i might use an specific one for these tho because if i gotta make 17 of these at least let’s make them be organised some way,,,,,

alrighty that’s all byebyeeeee

[stevesnailbat]

the fine line | steve harrington x hopper!oc

part three : test of my patience

SERIES MASTERLIST

warnings: just a lot of angst

word count: 2.7K

a/n: one part left after this!! i hope you guys have enjoyed this angst-filled rollercoaster as much as i have :) gif isn’t mine, it’s from this gifset

Driving to Steve’s house was like second nature to Jess, but she didn’t think she’d ever be doing it again. There she was, though. She was on her way to talk to the boy who broke her heart, and she felt like a fool. It wasn’t like she meant for this to happen, she didn’t mean to come crawling back to Steve, but it happened. Jess couldn’t help but think that she had done it to herself, that she had put herself into the situation by telling him that she couldn’t stop loving him. She couldn’t help herself anymore, she needed answers and if those answers weren’t what she wanted to hear, then she needed closure.

An incessant knocking on the front door of the Harrington residence was the last thing that Steve expected on a Sunday at nine in the morning. When he first heard it, he groaned softly and shoved his head under a pillow to drone out the sound. It didn’t work, though. The pounding didn’t stop for the whole minute that he laid beneath the warm covers, so he decided to answer just to get them to shut up. He wanted nothing more than to stay in his bed and sulk all day, the words that Jess had whispered to him the night before replaying in his mind as he did. He didn’t think that he’d ever be opening the front door to his house to see Jess on the other side again, but here he was.

“Steve.” she said shakily. “We need to talk.”

“Oh—uh—alright. Come on in.” he offered nervously, studying the way she still seemed so hesitant about him.

She came in without saying anything and sat on the couch, in the same spot she had sat in when she came to confront him just weeks before. This time seemed different, though. She didn’t seem to be holding any anger, but there was a certain sadness in the way she was holding herself together. Jess seemed to be on the brink of tears, but she didn’t really even know why.

“Jess.” Steve called after a moment, realizing that she had spaced out and was about to break down in front of him.

“Right—Sorry.” she said, shaking her head to snap herself back to reality. “I—I came here to talk to you about us.”

“Us?” he questioned hesitantly, unsure of what she meant. “As in?”

“Me and you, Steve. What we were.” she retorted, resentment in her voice as she used the past tense. “I’ve had my time to cope, to deal with the emotions that I was feeling. I—I know I wasn’t ready to listen when I came here that day that I found out, I was just so upset.”

“And you had every right to be upset.” he said while walking to the couch, sitting a safe distance away from her. “You still do.”

“I know I did.” Jess said with narrowed eyes, making him recoil a little further away from her. “But that doesn’t mean that I had the right to not listen to you.”

“What?” Steve asked, brow furrowed as he stared at her from afar.

“I never really let you explain the situation or let you tell your side of the story, I guess.” she shrugged. “I was just so mad at you and I couldn’t even think to let you explain what happened. I believed that you were only out to hurt me.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you, I really didn’t. I know it doesn’t seem like it, and I know I fucked up. But, I wouldn’t do this to hurt you.” he explained, words coming out a little more struggled than he’d wanted. “I didn’t know what was happening, honestly. I know that sounds like the stupidest excuse ever, it does. I hear how stupid it sounds every time I say it. But, I thought it was you. The voice, the hair, everything to drunk me was the same.”

She didn’t realize that there were tears sliding down her cheeks until one of them dripped onto her hand. She couldn’t help but believe what he was saying, he sounded so sincere. And he was, he was as truthful as he could be in the moment. The night was pretty blurry to him, but he could clearly remember how he knew he’d fucked up after he’d done it.

“When Tina barged into that bedroom.” he started painfully, unable to look up at her as she stared over at him. “I had stopped that girl, whoever the hell it actually was, from kissing me again. When we were in the living room, it was dark and loud and I swore to God that it was you. I even asked her why she wasn’t watching El—like I knew you were that night—and she just said she wanted to see me, or something like that. Then—Then she led me to the bedroom and was kissing me and I could tell—I could just fucking tell that it wasn’t you, it wasn’t your lips. I don’t remember much else but I remember her kissing me right before Tina came in, and I tried to stop her. I knew as soon as Tina came in that I had fucked up, and that I was going to lose you.”

There was something in Steve’s voice that made her fold, it made her finally break. In all of the time that they’d been apart, Jess had told herself that she was strong and that she could get over it, that it wasn’t worth her tears. Sure, she’d cried about it, but never for more than a moment. This time was different, though. Jess knew she couldn’t hold back anymore, she’d been strong for too long.

Steve didn’t know what to do when he heard the first whimper slip from her lips, he thought he was imagining it at first. Jess Hopper was the type to never cry over anything, her dad had taught her that nothing so arbitrary was worth her tears anymore, especially after everything they had gone through. But, this time, she was too broken to hold back. Seeing the tears stream down her face as a small sob wracked her body broke Steve’s heart, but he knew he deserved to have his heart broken like he’d done to her.

“Jess, I—“ he started, but the look she gave him as he opened his mouth told him that he had said enough.

“I tried to hate you. I fucking tried, I really did. I wanted to resent you for what you’ve done to me. But, I just—I just fucking couldn’t.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled to choke down her sobs. “I wanted to believe that you were just trying to hurt me and break my heart, but I knew that wasn’t you. I knew that wasn’t the Steve Harrington that I fell in love with. I knew there was something else to the story, I was just too mad to even hear it.”

“You deserved to let me die with my truth, honestly. I didn’t deserve time to explain what happened. I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation, I don’t expect you to forgive me for this, Jess.” he said softly, moving a little closer to where she sat.

“I—I know. I’m not forgiving you, Steve.” she said softly, shaking her head at her own voice. “I just—I don’t know. There’s something that keeps bringing me back to you. I’ve tried to tell myself that you broke my heart so many times, but I can’t stop thinking about us, what we had.”

“I don’t—I don’t think I understand what you mean.” Steve said carefully, easing into his words as he spoke.

“I’m not just gonna say that I forgive you and that I’ll forget everything that happened. That’s not what this is, because I don’t believe you’ve earned that.” she started, he nodded feverishly in reply. “But, fuck, Steve. I miss you. I—I miss seeing you all the time and I miss us.”

“I know, Jess. I’ve missed you too.” he sighed, watching as she sniffled and wiped her tears from her eyes. “But, what are you trying to say?”

“I guess I’m trying to say that we can start over. I can do second chances, everyone deserves one.” she said wearily, a sad smile on her lips. “I’m trying to say that I want you in my life and—and that maybe we can work this out together.”

“I mean, if that’s what you want, Jess. I’m willing to do whatever you want.” he said, trying not to sound too excited as his heart skipped a beat. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“Yeah, I think so.” she sighed, finally looking up at him with a nervous look on her face. “Don’t make me regret my decision, Steve.”

So they tried, and tried, and tried to make things work again. Steve worked his ass off to be the best that he could be and to make sure that he didn’t slip up. They started out slow, by only seeing each other every other day and doing so in small sittings. Jess didn’t know why she decided that, but it probably had something to do with her fear of arguing with him.

Some days were better than others, that’s for sure. Steve would bring her food or take her some new place every time they’d hang out, trying to make things like they used to be. Jess seemed to be happier now, but there was still something holding her back from being the real her. Of course, Steve knew what it was, but was afraid to mention it for the sake of saving them from more arguments.

Her heart was tugging her in two directions every time they were together. She wanted to be in his arms and let him back into her life without hesitancy, but she knew she couldn’t. Steve could see the struggle hidden in her eyes whenever they were together, he always saw right through her facade. It was killing him honestly, seeing her hide her conflict from him all the time. But he’d made so much progress that he didn’t want to fuck anything up again, so he stayed quiet.

Steve stayed quiet for weeks, for as long as he could muster being in the dark. Really, she was testing his patience to see how long he could hold out without trying to comfort her; she didn’t want to talk about what happened and he knew that. The day that he decided that he was going to bring up the situation again, she had come out of the cabin with tears in her eyes. She slammed the front door shut and wiped her cheeks quickly, giving him a sad smile as she walked towards the car. A sigh of frustration escaped her lips as she swung the car door open and shut, but Steve didn’t dare to ask what was wrong yet. He was on the verge of taking back his decision to ask her about their relationship at this point.

“Steve.” she said as he pulled out of the driveway, making him snap his attention in her direction to see an all-too-sudden change of expression on her face. “Let’s go to the quarry."

“I thought we were going to that movie—“ he started.

“Fuck the movie. I want to go to the quarry, please?” she pleaded, more than a hint of desperation in her voice as she spoke. “I just wanna get away for a little bit.”

“Alright, but it’s on you if your dad gets mad about it.” he agreed teasingly, making her lip quirk up slightly.

Most of their times at the quarry were in the middle of the night and spent getting drunk or high and making out in the backseat of the BMW, but this time was different. Neither of them could stomach the thought of drinking again, not after what had happened. As much as they’d both rather be making out in the backseat of Steve’s car, they both knew they couldn’t, not after what had happened. The sun was setting when they pulled into their usual spot, it seemed like a completely different place now. Jess pulled him out of his seat and onto the hood of the car, insisting that they watched the sunset together.

The silence between them was peaceful, for once. There was no resentment and pain in the air anymore, things finally seemed to be changing for the better. They watched the sun slip behind the trees on the other side of the quarry, stars littering the sky as the moon replaced the sun. Steve could tell that Jess was thinking hard about something. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know what it was, but he knew that it probably had to do with him. It seemed like they were finally going to talk about what was going on, wether he wanted to or not.

“My dad and I got into a fight today.” Jess finally admitted, leaning back on the hood of the car to stare at the stars beginning to show up in the sky. “He told me that I’m making a big mistake.”

Steve’s heart sunk as she spoke, he didn’t even need her to finish her thought to know exactly what he was talking about. He was the big mistake, and he knew it. Jess was staring at the sky, trying to collect her thoughts as she held herself together. She could tell by the way that Steve was holding tension in himself, that he knew exactly what she meant. He was bracing himself for her to finally break it off, for her to finally tell him that he could go fuck himself and that she was just trying to break his heart like he had done to her. But, she knew better than to do that to him. He’d tried so hard at winning her over once again and she could tell he’d become frustrated recently with their lack of progress.

“He asked me if I thought that you deserved to be happy, if I thought that you were even worth the pain I was going through.” she started, taking a deep breath as she blinked away a few tears. “I said yes. I told him that I can’t hate you for what happened, especially after what you told me. He told me he wasn’t going to support my decision, but that he’d still let me make my own decisions, make my own mistakes.”

He only nodded and smiled weakly at her as he leaned back to prop himself onto his elbows, looking up at the stars with her. Relief started to rush through him, but he knew he couldn’t be completely relieved yet.

“I think about what things would’ve been like if this wouldn’t have happened a lot. But then I remember that that’s something we’ll never know. And that I need to stop thinking about the what if’s.” she sighed, rolling her head over to look at him. “We need to work together if this is going to work, and I’m sorry I’ve been holding back.”

“Why are you sorry, Jess?” Steve questioned, feeling her hand graze against his as she inched closer to him.

“Because I shouldn’t be so conflicted about this whole situation. I’ve been getting scolded for going back to you, but I shouldn’t be so sorry for still—“ she said, stopping herself before she could say she loved him, he hadn’t earned that privilege yet and he knew it. “I shouldn’t be so sorry for wanting to save what we had. And before I start to overthink my decisions anymore, I wanna do this.”

Before Steve could comprehend what was happening, Jess had snaked her hand around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. It was soft and reserved, much different than any kiss the couple had ever shared. It was sad in a way, but there was hope in the air again. Their hearts were finally healing, but they were nowhere near done on their journey. That extremely fine line was getting easier to navigate now that they were on the same page, it would be easier to fall back in love again and they both knew it.

tags: @sourapplebaby @harringtown @queenofthehairharrington @charmed-asylum @hystericalmedicine @a-magey @daddystevee @sledgy14 @m-blasterrr @madiebrock @pocsimcc @karasong @heart-eye-harrington @lemonypink @jxnehxpper @igotmadskills

[whitetrashjj]

i think it’s so fucking funny that even when you have similar setups (as seen in your recent gifset) bellamy/clarke look so much more like an actual couple who love each other than b/cho

That’s the whole ass point though isn’t it? I’m certain that if you showed that gifset to someone who knew nothing about The 100 and asked them which were the couple and which were the friends, they would at the very least hesitate before answering, if not answer Bellarke. It would not be possible to answer bec/ho without doubting it. 

And the fact is that it appearing that way is a conscious choice. Those scenes put the couples in very similar situations and show how they interact with each other and the truth is bec/ho do not stand up. Each choice; the timing, the framing, the focus, everything. was designed, written, shot and edited to be like that, it went though multiple channels, starting with Jason, then going though the writers, the directors, the actors, the editors and back to Jason, and that was all approved because that was what they wanted the audience to see. 

I know you didn’t ask for it but I’m gonna analyse those scene for a bit because I’ve been wanting to do it so here is the perfect opportunity. (this gif set if no one knows what I’m talking about)

So here we have the first one. Originally, this gifset was going to just be comparisons of how far apart bellarke stood in comparison to bec/ho so this was my starting point. These scenes were from the same episode - happened on the same day I believe. And first up we have bec/ho:

Not obnoxiously close but not far apart either, nothing worth calling out as a problem until you observe bellarke a couple scenes later:

These idiots are standing so close that Bellamy is actually on an angle so his arm/shoulder can go behind Clarke’s. Because simply standing arm to arm isn’t enough they actually have to over lap. Now to be fair - because I believe in trying to be objectively fair when making comparisons and not taking things out of context to prove your point - Bellarke had just hugged and bec/ho are simply standing in a crowd watching a speech. Now, I don’t know about you but after I hug my friends I usually step back at least one step if not a couple, I do not linger in their personal space the way I would if I was interested in someone. 

Compare this to bec/ho, who of course aren’t engaged in a one-on-one, but are in unfamiliar surroundings,  surrounded by unfamiliar and possibly hostile people and there is nothing, they aren’t lingering close, have a protective hand out to reassure the other, not even a look to check up on each other. Just looking at these two gifs side by side, it seems off... A little odd but not damning evidence? Let’s move on then. 

Comparison #2 looks at the comforting shoulder touch. Bellamy has just left behind his sister, the one person he has shouldered the burden of it being his responsibility to keep safe, and it’s more than likely that she will die. Clarke has just written a list on 100 people to save from praimfaya, damning 300 of her people, and thousands of other people, to death. In these scenes Clarke and Bellamy are in very similar emotional states, riddled with guilt, weighed down with an impossible burden, and emotionally distraught and exhausted.  So the person witnessing this does what they can to try and comfort them, place a hand on their shoulder to show their support, that they don’t have to do this alone and they are there for them.

We can see here that Bellamy barley responds to the touch, does not lean into is at all. He does look at E/cho briefly acknowledging the support and her attempt to comfort him, but he does not linger on her, quickly looking away and continuing to look dejected. This shows that while he appreciated the gesture it does very little to actually help him feel better. 

Compare this to Bellamy and Clarke:

Bellamy place’s his hand on Clarke shoulder to support her. Instantly we see the relief this creates for Clarke, her tense shoulders slump, her eyes flutter closed, not only does she then bring her own hand up to cover his but she leans her head on him. This shows how much his simple touch helped how, how it helped ground her and how he helped shoulder that burden without having to say the words. She not only leans into his touch but leans on it, she needs it, needs him and can’t get close enough to it. Not buying it yet? More comfort to come...

Once again we have comfort for similar situations. Bellamy found out that Clarke, one of his closest friends is dead. Clarke finds out that she can not say goodbye to her mother who she won’t see for 5 years, with a possibility of never seeing her again. So when Bellamy tell’s E/cho this he is searching for someone, something to make him feel better:

There are so many things to unpack here - for fairness some frames have been removed to remain under the size limit - but let’s start with Bellamy initiates the hug. Bellamy has continuously shown that physical contact, particularly hugs, is a big thing for him in terms of comfort. What he needed in that moment was a hug but E/cho makes no move for it - this is not shock related because she already knew that Clarke was dead - this proves that she doesn’t know what Bellamy wants or needs. And then the hug last for a grand total 5 seconds (with very generous start and finish times) before Bellamy pulls away again showing that it didn’t help ease his pain or make him feel better otherwise he would cling onto her as long as possible.

Let’s compare shall we:

There is a reason this is my favourite bellarke hug (we don’t have time to unpack it all right now). Compared to the hug above, however, it get so much better. First we have Bellamy instantly going to Clarke his arms open wide welcoming her in, knowing exactly what she needed in that moment without Clarke needing to say anything. Then we have the camera zoom in on Clarkes arms circling around Bellamy, clinging to him, signifying how much she needed him in the moment and how comforting it was for her. Clarke sobs into his shoulder being completely venerable with him and Bellamy closes his eyes grabs onto her and gently rocks them back a forth, showing how comfortable and how immersed in the embrace he is. This hug last’s for 15 seconds, and they only break apart because they were interrupted, otherwise there was no end in sight, even after that they linger clinging to one another for a further 4-5 seconds (times vary as it’s hard to say when hugging starts, and then finishes and lingering begins). Ultimately there is no comparison in these scenes, and the fact that they were shot this way with the much time taken for them is so telling, remember nothing you see on scene is an accident, everything has been designed that way.

Lastly let’s ring in the post with little reunion run and hug. In fairness Clarke thought Bellamy was dead, and Bellamy only thought Echo had been in enemy territory with no contact for a day or so - interpret that how you will. 

But here we have bec/ho:

They run to each other, they get to each other as part of a wide shot incorporating many other elements, they stop short of each other and say a quick hi, and finally they hug and kiss as out of focus shapes in the corner of the scene. A truly heartfelt, iconic and important reunion. 

The we have Bellarke:

We have Clarke sprinting at Bellamy, jumping on him, wrapping her arms around him, the only thing stopping her from getting to him was his body, we have Bellamy wrapping his arms tight around Clarke, and then multiple back and forth shorts of their smiles, them tucking their heads into each others necks, and closing their eyes in relief.

I don’t know what else I can say for this one other than, the emphasis put on the impactful reunion of two characters and what this means for their relationship, vs the emphasis put on the reactions of other characters (other character who simply hate having sun in their eyes) - speaks volumes.

I mean - if I wanted to I could find countless other similar comparisons, if I needed to but  I don’t think I need to. The 100 is a show with a high casual viewer ratings, this means you should be able to know the relationships by watching one episode and well, there is proof right there, Jason said himself someone would be able to start this show at s6 and know who loves who. Do you think anyone with has only watched Season 6 could reasonably put Bellamy’s feelings for E/cho above Clarke from only what they have seen on screen? I doubt it.