#when i say spiritual i mean it im not being weird

[29121996]

.

[lycheedr3ams]

ℑ𝔩𝔩 𝔐𝔢𝔱 𝔟𝔶 𝔐𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱

werewolf!könig x fem!reader

Prologue | October 29th | October 30th | October 31st

Summary: You're a bakery worker in the small, isolated town of Heiligenblut, Austria. König is a hunter and lumberjack who stays to himself and always has an aura of mystery and darkness. and through a series of strange circumstances, you're the one to uncover his secret. (set in the modern-day) CW: fem she/her reader, no use of y/n, adult content, predator/prey dynamics, werewolf-fucking, mentions of animal carcasses and blood, a bit unsettling at times, slight dub-con Note: IM SO SORRY IT TOOK THIS LONG BUT I FINALLY DID IT! also here's the link to the rest of the series if this is your first time finding it

WC: idk

LORE EXPLANATION, READ BEFORE PROCEEDING: i had to make up some of my own werewolf lore mixed with real world history, so plz bear with me: when a werewolf falls in love with someone, and that person also falls for them, the werewolf becomes spiritually tied to this person. when this spiritual connection is created, the werewolf's ties to the spiritual realms are interrupted. the werewolf must physically bond with the person whom the feelings are mutual with to restore the werewolf's connection to the other realms. Halloween is the day when that veil between our world and the spiritual one is thinned, allowing for connections to take place. this is why people always wore costumes: to scare off the ghosts that came onto our plane during this time. i can't say anything else without spoiling it, just know most of this is NOT from folklore, i just made up my own werewolf lore bc plot~

this is the last part! get ready for some werewolf sex lol.. I felt kinda weird writing this, plz don't judge

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME A YEAR

previously on October 30th...

könig slowly closed the distance between you two, his arms returning to his sides. you looked up at him, feeling a bit jumpy; he had been so unpredictable this whole night. he placed his large hands on your shoulders, engulfing each one, and gently pressed his fingers into you. his attempt at holding you close, maybe? but his arms seemed to tremble, and his breathing was shaky and loud, almost like he was a crazed man. you leaned away a little, but könig brought his masked mouth to your hear.

"please," he whispered desperately into your ear, his voice slightly cracking. his entire body trembled before you. "please help me."

October 31st - midnight

you looked at könig with your head slightly tiled to the side. help him? "what do you mean?" you asked. "if you're talking about hunting, I can't help you with that."

könig pressed his fingers into your shoulders a little more, his large form trembling. "yes, actually, you can." he said cryptically.

you glanced around his cabin. there were no guns, no bows or arrows, no traps, nothing at all that looked like it could remotely kill a deer or wild boar. könig sensed your hesitation.

"do not be afraid," he said through gritted teeth. he took a few steps back from you, his arm wrapped around his stomach almost as if he was going to throw up. your eyes widened.

"what's wrong? are you sick?" you took a few steps towards him, but he stepped back again.

"don't get any closer...not yet," he said quietly. he looked at you from the corner of his eye. you had thought his eyes were brown, but maybe it was the lighting that seemed to turn them golden.

"könig, just tell me what's going on! the whole town is wondering what happened to you and why there's no feast for Halloween!"

König's demeanor shifted, and a noticeable tremor ran through his spine. it almost looked like he was convulsing, or being possessed by something. your heart skipped.

"ah, so that's what they say?" his voice was suddenly more menacing, the words almost coming out as a snarl. "they think I am incapable. sheep begrudging the wolf."

“Um… well, just tell me what’s going on,” you offered with a shaky voice.

König stared at you for a long moment, his eyes narrowing as he thought. “You won’t believe me” he huffed out.

“Try me.”

…

König’s demeanor grew nervous for a moment. He fidgeted with something in his pocket and his eyes darted around. “I’ve just been having a problem.”

“With what? Just tell me König” you said pleadingly.

“Have you ever wondered why I always catch the best meat out of the other hunters? Why I’m so solitary, why I never train anyone to hunt with me?”

You took a shaky breath in. “Yes, I have.”

König’s chest tightened. “It’s… because…because I’m a werewolf,” he said in his thick Austrian accent.

You froze, and couldn’t help laughing for a moment. “König, werewolves aren’t real.”

“They are!” He yelled, causing you to shrink back in fear. He slumped his shoulders and stepped back, regret clear in his eyes. “They are real. But I can’t show you because of my problem.”

You stared at König with an incredulous expression. Why the hell was he saying he’s a werewolf? But if you thought about it, if anyone was a werewolf, it definitely would be him.

“Okay. So you’re a werewolf” you repeat. “How could I possibly help you with that?”

König’s cheeks reddened slightly under his mask, an expression you had never seen from him before.

“It’s… hard to explain. I swear I’m not making it up.”

You nodded. “Just tell me.”

König took a long breath before fidgeting with something in his pocket again. His eyes were averted from yours as he spoke.

“When a werewolf… falls for a human, their soul becomes tied to them. I know it sounds crazy,” König stared pacing around the cabin, his steel-toed boots thudding against the tattered wood flooring. “The werewolf can’t transform until they know their feelings have been returned. But that’s not all of it.”

You stood silently, waiting for him to continue. He took another deep breath.

“The werewolf can’t transform out of his human state until he… he…” König looks away, almost shamefully. “Until he is intimate with the object of his affection.”

Your heart skipped and your cheeks got hot. Intimate? “Like….”

“Ja,” König nodded. “Like… that.”

You blushed. “So let me get this straight. You’re a werewolf. You’ve secretly liked me but didn’t know I liked you back. You can’t transform into a werewolf again until you’re intimate with me?”

“…Ja” König said flatly after a pause.

“This… this is insane,” you said.

“I know it sounds insane. But listen, bitte” he almost pleaded. “The reason why I haven’t gotten any prey for the festival, the reason everyone is doubting me, is because I can’t transform. And it’s all because I fell for you.”

You took a deep breath. “So if we’re intimate, you can become a werewolf and hunt again?”

“Ja,” König said.

“Fine. All right.”

König’s eyes seemed to light up. “Really? Do you agree?”

“I do,” you said with a nod. “If it means everything will go back to normal, then I will. I mean, I can’t lie… I’ve wanted to do this with you for a while now.”

König’s eyes turned predatory, and you thought you nearly saw a wolf in that moment.

…

König restrained himself as much as he could. He helped you onto the bed and hovered over you, his body heat emanating in waves. Your breathing instantly deepened. Just the presence of König from over the bakery counter was intimidating, but having this beast of a man on top of you? You thought you could’ve turned tail and ran.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked as he tilted your chin up with his index finger. You nodded breathlessly, and he didn’t waste a moment before pressing his chapped lips onto your soft ones. you thought he must've been starving with the way he was gently gnawing on your plush bottom lip, or with the way he lapped at your mouth when you parted your lips for him. you tried to back away slightly, just to catch your breath, but he held the back of your head firmly with his large palm, his fingers slightly digging into your scalp as he smushed his face into yours. when konig was finally out of breath, he looked at you with wide eyes, and you wiped your cheeks clean with your sleeve.

the air was thick with tension, nothing but the sound of the crackling fire and wind in the trees to fill the silence. until suddenly, konig pounced on you. his kisses were even sloppier than before, his large body pinning you down on the deer-fur carpet on the cabin floor. he hastily yanked at your clothes, growling when they got in his way. you helped him take off your clothes, but he was too eager and didn't even wait until you were fully nude. your panties hung on one of your ankles, one bra strap still clung to your shoulder.

konig looked at you with the most desperate look a man had ever given you. his eyes were half-lidded, and his lips half-parted as he breathed heavily from between them.

"you ready, ja?" he asked as he unceremoniously ran two fingers between your lips, feeling your warm slick. you mewled, not expecting the pleasure from his rough, calloused fingers so soon. he looked at you, almost with intrigue, as he teasingly rubbed your clit. you squirmed slightly, your eyes shutting as you moaned. but konig couldn't wait for you to orgasm. he tugged his pants zipper down, not even bothering to undress at all.

"i can't wait, i need you now". he parted your pussy lips with his large fingers and sunk into your slick, wet heat. you both moaned in unison at the delicious stretch of his cock.

he tried to be gentle at first. he really did. but he finally had you. he couldn't hold back, not at all. the filthy, wet, sticky sounds of your coupling filled the cabin as he rutted into you like a rabid animal. he grunted when he saw your breasts heaving with his thrusts, knowing that you were feeling so good because of him.

his grunts filled your ears as he pinned you up and open, your knees by your ears. his head was bent next to yours, forehead on the floor as he pounded into you. he gasped and groaned, feeling your warm, tight, wet heat around him. your face was contorted in ecstasy, your toes curling.

but suddenly, konig's eyes seemed to...change color? he groaned loudly, almost as in pain, and you felt fur rather than his sweat-slicked skin against your chest. before you understood what was happening, konig had transformed into a werewolf. even though konig had explained to you what he really was, you hadn't expected this of all things, for him to turn into a werewolf while he was fucking you.

but the pleasure he was now giving you, with his large, girthy cock was just enough to completely make you unable to think. all you could do was take, take the pounding that this man-beast was now giving you. You didn’t even have the brain power to think about any embarrassing faces or noises you were making from the sheer pressure and heat and force that his cock was giving you. The rickety wood of the floorboards creaked rhythmically as konig, in full werewolf form, fucked you on the floor of his cabin.

His fucking was not gentle, and it was so intense and loud and hot that it made you see stars. One of konigs large, half-human half-beast paws gripped the back of your head when it tipped back against the floor. His claws gently pricked at the edge of your years, causing your spine to tingle and your walls to flutter. It was single-handedly the worst and best physical sensation you had ever experienced.

His growls sounded in your ear as his thrusts lost their rhythm and grew erratic. You heard garbled words in your ear as he tried to speak with his wolf muzzle, but you couldn’t make out any words. You pulled on the fur of his back as he mated with you, your toes curling in the air and back arching at the delicious feeling of his werewolf cock inside you.

Suddenly, his cock went deeper and what you now realized was his knot slipped into you. You gasped from the slight burn of the stretch, but your insides were quickly soothed when he came inside you, a pleasant and full warm feeling that leaked out from where you two were joined. You panted as if you had just sprinted, while his breaths came in huffs from between sharp, gritted teeth. You closed your eyes for how long you weren’t sure, and konig was human again when you came to, lying naked beside you.

“I must hunt.” He said matter of factly as he stood up and got dressed. “Are you okay?”

You couldn’t find the words to speak, not after everything that had happened. Not only did you just fuck the untouchable konig, you fucked the untouchable werewolf konig.

“How…am I dreaming?” You asked.

Konig leaned down beside you and brushed your hair away from your face. “Nein, you are not dreaming. It is real. I will be back. Stay here.”

And just like that, konig left the cabin in the dead of night.

…

You awoke the next morning lying in konigs bed, covered in soft fur blankets. You blinked open your eyes and saw konig sitting by the fireplace, staring into the flames. His normal black face mask was back on, and his eyes widened when he saw you were awake.

“Are you hungry?” He asked simply.

You nodded. Konig got to fixing you a plate of food, fresh catch from what you assumed was his hunt last night. He kneeled down next to the bed and gently, almost reverently, placed the plate in your lap. He watched you as you ate.

Konig cleared his throat. “Because of you…I was able to bring meat back for the festival. I hunted all I could, and the festival went on.”

You nodded, not really sure what to say. Konig noticed.

“I know you must be thinking about a lot right now. Just eat. Everything will be okay. I am not a monster.” The crinkle in the corner of his eyes betrayed a smile hidden underneath that face mask.

You smiled and shook your head, realizing how sore your body was from the events of last night. You supposed that konigs secret didn’t matter, as long as you got to benefit from it every full moon.

Thank you all for being here

taglist: @osteawb, @sleepystaarr, @vvampir3s, @simpxinnie, @majocookie, @sharkyyyyyyyyyyyy, @marysdelrey, @kybeth5, @chaos-on-stand-bi, @shannonswizzies, @arcadia509, @bloodstoneruby, @cumikering, @skystreamchan, @junkratssheila-09, @kit-williams, @tangerynsbaby, @dreamdiaries777, @royalbxstxrd, @non-satanic-panic, @theweirdchick, @kiyomisan, @maylif, @mortimoshi, @eneiss, @daughter-ofthe-forest, @celi-xxmoon, @mangoguy, @babypeanut02

[plutonianeris]

pick a pile: how you secretly intimidate others ⛓𓌹*♰*𓌺⛓

this is a general reading & for entertainment purposes only, take what resonates and leave what doesn't. scroll through the images & choose based on your inner guidance and gut feeling. ⛓️

♱☾pile one☽

“don’t call me baby! im not your baby!”

you intimidate others with your individuality. There’s something about you that’s very weird or kind of quirky. not in the “oh im not like other gwurls 🤪” cringey way. but rather you’re kind of blunt even when you don’t mean to be other people might think that what you say is too harsh or direct. This seems to be some thing that might throw off men as well but at the same time it’s also make some desire you. That free spirit can be seen as something that other people want in their life but it’s not always with the best intentions. It’s kind of like they want you to fulfill something for them. Kind of like to conquer you in a way. But it seems like that literally never happens because instead, you’re literally a tower moment for other people in their lives.

Just by being you, you unconsciously force other people to reflect on certain things in their life. you guys people specifically to reflect on their insecurities, and also their childhood. You could find that people, especially women project onto you. they could look at you and mumble under their breath or too each other like “what the fuck is their problem” or talk about how you think you “know it all”

it seems like people are just really intimidated by your knowledge and what you have to share with other people. you might have some Aquarius placements. Whether what you share with others is topics about religion or spirituality or “taboo” subjects, other people could be thrown off by your words, while at the same time secretly want to hear more.

this pile, gave off a lot of scorpio and/or aries and/ or libra & taurus energy and 8th house/ pluto aspects energy. when I asked about qualities people associate with you I got “ regeneration, suspicion, passion, beautiful, art, experimentation, intelligent, creativity, wisdom.” 🕯️

🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️ tip jar 🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️

♱☾pile two☽

“no, I’m killing boys.”

people are secretly intimidated by the way you can rise from the ashes and transform completely after going through super traumatic shit. The way you seem to be able to recover from stuff that can be straight out of someone’s nightmare and manage to come out on top is inspiring but also it makes other people feel insecure. pile two, other people seem to think that you somehow just “get lucky” when something really good happens to you. People might think that you didn’t have to work that hard for it. They could secretly send you evil eye and think oh I wish that would’ve happened to me instead..

shit I’m not gonna lie I feel in awe and a little shook reading these cards describing your energy. you are literally an alchemist. You transform everything you touch and you transform after every experience with a lot of grace and harmony. lmfaoo the quote from “what? like its hard” from legally blonde popped up. The thing is that it actually is hard but you’ve been doing it for so long. There’s no other way for you to really function. You manage to continuously strengthen your spirituality over and over again.

and there’s a certain element of privacy that you also keep when it comes to your home life and the space you live in and also in regards to what you’re even thinking. It kind of leaves people in constant speculation of who you are what you actually do or where you even live. but this privacy seems necessary to you, sacred to you actually. Your personality, ego, and the way you view yourself are in a constant state of fluctuation. But never in a way that ends up being super detrimental to you. even when you “mess up” you learn something and get better.

you are someone that is very strong and I don’t wanna say that like in a corny “omg ur saiuuir strong u went through so much :(“ pity way. I literally mean just a very unique kind of perseverance within your spirit where time after time you just can’t be knocked down. And other people wonder about that, but they’re not even close to being able to dissect it & that intimidates them.

You could be someone that has a lot of 12th house or fourth house placements, as well as Jupiter, Sagittarius, or Pluto prominent in the chart. when I asked about qualities/ words that people associate with you, I got “independent, knowledgeable, transformation, roots, subconscious, potential, hope” 🔐

🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️ tip jar 🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️

♱☾pile three☽

“how do you feel about yourself now stupid motherfucker? you couldve had some pussy.”

people are secretly intimidated by the way you run shit. You have a very straightforward and innovative, and out of the box solution for many of the obstacles you face in life. Similar to pile 2 there is resentment in response to the way you succeed. But when it comes to you it’s more because of the way you do things. people might think “oh it’s not fair that they did it that way and won..” but in reality, you have a unique power being able to bounce back really fast from shit. you don’t mind being someone brand new every single day or changing your habits or routines, or the way you connect with people were your resources very quickly.

In fact, you’re constantly flowing in these spaces of rebirth and attatchment and security. and that intimidate people because they wonder well how is it possible that you’re changing your character and your appearance and your own self all the time and YOU dont care if people label it as a fake or weird. Like I’m not gonna lie this piles giving off someone who has such a range of random aesthetics that ppl r like seeing u as someone who dresses up or is wearing a costume when in reality you just feel transformed by your experiences so frequently.

its giving “im not the person who i was yesterday” so don’t try it today energy. it intimidates people that you’re not ashamed of changing your mind and being like “ well actually I used to like that and now I don’t like it anymore, so can you please respect the boundaries I set up now.”

you TRUST yourself. and not only does that intimidate people but it also makes them MAD. chiron aka trauma, wounds, healing, pain etc popped up, so it doesn’t mean that all your life you had this confidence or ability to listen to yourself and your intuition. If anything you suffered a lot and had a period of time (especially in childhood) were you were taught to not listen to yourself or your intuition. where you were told that if you showed leadership and willpower, and if you used your anger and embraces your anger, that bad things would happen.

But then, finally, you did and you realized that you get so much more from life when you show people how to treat you from the start. And other people want to be able to do that. And you securely inspire them to do that but it’s also a mixture of envy as well thats included in those feelings toward you. oh well. protect your peace! you could be someone that has aries, first house, 8th house and 2nd house placements. 888 also popped up if that has any significance to you. when I asked about qualities/ words that people associate with you, I got “secure, possessive, leader, warrior, loyal.”⚖️

🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️ tip jar 🕸️𓆩♡𓆪🕸️

© plutonianeris 🕷

[sideblogdotjpeg]

feeling like. ep 60 was such a fantastic arc finale battle ep. and auugh. like so many things. LIKE .

the slow build up of tension over the ep felt really good and perfect, as it escalates from alexandrite being silly and goofy to. gargantuan cyberflesh horror. and how the dice were UNCANNILY perfect for it all. like. the nat 1 vs nat 20 roll for the town and suddenly the entire mood shifts and the stakes are so much realer, and personal. followed up by the nat 20 for the town! followed up by TWO callie crits and her dealing 130 DAMAGE like each turn!!!! like!!!!! AUGH... the. just the beats of it all was soo good and.

tying to that .. the character moments for this ep were so good !!! every character got their moment to shine in the battle. already discussed callie absolutely whomping fucking ass, but of course the smaller moments as well. offering to go and defend calders town. seeing the faewild sky and "i think i needed to leave to become worthy of it" - like and as the culmination of callies arc. from someone who was so scared and running away to. staying, standing, fighting, protecting. AND ITS GOOD.

then of course theres calder. i mean also the . ARC. of the only thing he wanted was not to be overprotected. wanting to be useful - like his brothers, people who had strength and value in the eyes of their people, big enough to defend their town. and he has come all the way here. he changes the tides of the battlefield in the town - and he does it with the attachments of his friends and the love of his family. and like... god. really crystalising his ethos in a way that is foiled so well against gowan. gowan who was too proud to ask for help. vs "i cant do it without you" "but damn does it feel good when your friends have your back" ... !!!! AYYEARGH. like. hes becoming the protector of his home! but maybe now, his home is so much bigger than the ice knife, and hes not fighting alone .... YOU KNOW.

AND SOL!!!!! sol to my knowledge only deals 30 damage this battle but. as a resident sol enjoyer i !!! am VERY MUCH CLAPPING AND CHEERING!! at the deeply supportive role he took on for this fight. like hes the first to get the ice knife away from alexandrite, he gives callie an extra smite, silvery barbs.... ! like the short rest realisation of how different the battle wouldve gone without that silvery barbs is .... ! SO ITS GOOD. and at the end that he was the one to get the final blow on alexandrite and it was for swag is ...

and! that part was obviously a joke! as is the entire "keep em guessing haha alexandrite cant predict what were doing!!!" thing. HOWEVER. relistening to the ezry arc, and their first interaction w alexandrite as we now know her ... i just. REALLY feel like this is the spiritual successor to "were duck team and were messy and were friends and we do everything together and we absolutely suck shit all day long and all night baby". theyre so fucking stupid is the thing. and theyre messy and stupid and constantly saying things that are weird and make no sense and completely and utterly baffling .... and thats DUCK TEAM!!! (theres also a point here where im overreading somewhat. but the part about Keepin em Guessin... one could POSSIBLY argue it interacts in a MAYBE DEEPLY INTERESTIGN WAY with . the idea of the calculated certainty of the AI, the calm and cold prediction of the diviners, and the wild freedom of the peregrines. idk!!! maybe!!! maybe you cld even say that what lies at the heart of duck team is their messiness and outofplaceness and love and care and refusal of the tragedy!!! even!! maybe!! but YEAH. lol random XD ! keep em guessin!)

also the thing that made me write all this which is like. ! the final victory lap scene is just. so wonderfully cathartic, esp with how tense this entire arc has been. its just. fuck yeah we won and all our friends and family are here and safe and riding on mammoths!!! i mean. FUCKING ALBINS BACK!!!! GREGORS HERE AND KICKIN ASS!!! THE MA GOBLIN BRIGADE!!! A WIN. and ... that bit of callie just sitting on the roof playing a guitar as she stares into the fae wild sky is ... its good.. its good..

and all that is maybe. half the reasons why ep 60 is so good. i didnt even get around to talking about the fucking EMILY AXFORD SONG WHICH IVE BEEN PLAYING NONSTOP ALL DAY SO. yeah. so i like this ep i guess

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS PT 2.

If you want to know about your gifts, talents and skills you should check out your sidereal chart as each planet holds a lot of detail on the mind-spirit-body connection. It shows a lot of your personal power from each planet and sign and how they all fully come together to make you, you.

Capricorns are naturals at the occult. They hold a lot of deep knowledge about how this world works and they express the duality of it very well. Most think that capricorns are built on just the law and while they are, they know that their are rules that can be broken. Capricorns are an interesting bunch, they know just how to be successful in anything that they do. Getting closer to the higher ups because they just that 'it' factor of being the boss. They dont 'kiss ass' per say, they just know how to play the game. And another thing about the game, capricorns know thats what we live in. So to play the game, they learn to become the chess master.

5th house scorpios can make anything interesting in this house. Games with them can be slightly taboo. Could have a lot of sex partners. hidden secrets around children, their love life and the type of games they like to play. An observation ive seen with scorpio 5th housers is that BDSM and weird kinks/cosplay could be a thing.

5th house uranus will have some pretty interesting kids. Will Smith has this placement for example. People with this placement are gonna have to understand that their children are going to be a totally different version of them and thats okay. Unique individuals, they can create fun and new games for people. You could be the next person to make a new board game or something a long those lines. Video games? New toys? Theres a business mindset here that needs to be touched on with these placement holders. You guys can really create new, whimsical worlds for people to enjoy!

Neptune in the 8th, spiritual realms open up to these individuals. They do not sleep. No I mean literally, their dreams take them to new dimensions all the time and they come back finding out new information from these worlds. Even their waking life is like a dream, connecting it all together. May be prone to getting psychosis due to the consistent stimulation to their third eye. Its a wild ride for these kids, if you have a friend with this placement gon' head and check on them.

10th house Saturns & Jupiter placements have self mastery written all in their chart. Whatever it is they came out to do its been done before in many other lives. If you believe in past lives, then im talking to you.

10 house jupiter individuals are natural geniuses finding their way through life. They focus heavy on community and love to learn more about how they can help them, what they can bring to the table etc.

Mars in the 8th house is a strong placement for jealousy to occur. These individuals know what they want when they want it. Highly passionate in nature, they most create a routine where their energy can be tapped into on a daily or they'll suffer burn out. Or worse, become a sex maniac. All your energy can not go to sex, it has to go to something that sustain you. Whats your purpose? goals? get into it. thats where most of it HAS to go to.

Venus 6th house need routine to be in order. Some chaos here and there but not too much in your day to day. Your minds needs to follow your passions and purpose in order to feel stable. Focus on something that makes you pay close attention to detail. Something that forces you to take your time.

People with this placement normally have the cutest pets :) and they get the most compliments all of the time.

[pupsicle-paws]

Hi guys. I made a reddit post explaining my experience with being an alterhuman (therian)

Can someone please read into it and help me?

It all feels so surreal. It's like I'm going through figuring out I'm trans all over again, all the confusion, the want, the agony, the pain, the anger, it's all too much right now, especially since it's so much more confusing than just gender.

It's something I feel like only I have experienced and it makes me feel so alienated.

I feel so utterly alone

Edit; reddit is being weird so here's the text;

Species dysphoria?

Hi, I'm a newly awakened alterhuman or therian to be specific.

I'm just a bit worried because my experience feels so much more powerful and effective than other therians I've seen.

I know its oversaturated online, and it's so much more complex than it's portrayed, but with how it affects me, I just feel like I'm so much different than the other people in my own community, like I don't even belong.

I guess it's because being an alterhuman and feeling inhuman just affects me so much and takes such a nasty toll on my mental well being that u can't help but feel like I was cursed to have it harder than others.

I'm not too into lycanthropy, and by what I mean by that is that I'm not as knowledgeable on it than therianthropy and the like. But it sounds almost appealing to me, like it's something I can resonate with but it also doesn't sound like me at all.

My experience with my body, with dysphoria, dysmorphia, it's all been hell for me and I can't find any thing to soothe myself.

So if anyone can help, give me advice, lead me in the right direction, for someone to tell me I'm normal and not insane, please do so.

Here, I'm going to say what I feel and what's been developing over the years;;

So when I was younger, I may or may not have shown signs of some neurodivergancy of some kind. I'm not sure what I have, could be autism, could be just me being weird, who knows. But I definitely didn't grow out of some of my weird kid habits. It's always been a struggle for me to grow up in general and let go of childish things. That's probably why I still have stuffed animals in my bed at nearly 18 years old.

But I'm getting ahead of myself, anyways, I used to feel very strong urges to be like an animal as a kid. It's normal kid stuff, yeah, but it never went away. Over the years it turned into wearing blotchy fursuits and meowing at my teachers and pretending to wag my invisible tail to me having extreme delusions.

Now, it's not just a silly kid thing. It's something, a thing, a creature inside of me that's angry at my body and that nothing lines up.

I feel like im going crazy the longer I deal with this, like every year passes by and I become more and more aware of how everything's wrong and nothing is perfect or even near that. I used to be able to deal with it, it was fine years ago when I was 15 and happy with myself. I understood that I had a spiritual body inside of me that didn't match up, but I didn't realize it'd haunt me later on and I'd become insane over the fact that it's all wrong.

It all feels like gender dysphoria, which I do deal with as a trans man. But instead of just being my gender and how my organs and body parts and voice and whatever don't line up with being masculine like I want, it's everything all at once.

My eyes, my hair, my legs, my feet, my nails, my teeth, my jaw, my arms, everything. Just from head to toe, everything is misshapen beyond beleif and I don't understand why I feel this way.

I can't snarl or growl like I want, I can't move my ears at the sound of a noise far away, I can't wag or curl my tail, I can feel my wings move on my back, I can't retract my claws, I can't see in the dark.

All my human senses, all my human feelings don't overlap with my animalistic ones. Whatever being is inside of me is constantly in a state of distress, anger, anxiety, sorrow, all because I'm a human in a human body.

It's like some evil celestial being put the soul of everything inhuman into a human body and told them to pretend to like it when it's just agony to deal with.

I'm in agony and it won't go away.

This thing inside of me is hurt.

[krchar]

Some thoughts on Himerish and Trial of the Oracle

Ok so it's weird that I hardly post anything and now I go with this, but these thoughts are for some reason so pressing to me these days! And this feels like the right space.

tldr: i love 4th arc, I like Himerish's development, but after rereading last week I have some surprising ambivalence about how his warrior identity goes with his previously implied nature - or at least to my view of the character - happy to know anyone's thoughts on that!

Firstly I want to state that I love the stories, and mostly the first 4 arcs! This is just a thought on one character development...

So I belong among the fans of 4th arc, definitely, and I think that most people who have some soft spot for Himerish/Oracle, started to feel so throughout this arc (although I know some did before it was cool!). I always loved that story, that he was confronted with such a downfall, the dramatic almost mythical story of regaining his identity is so awesome, i liked that he cooperated with the guardians as a person, that he realized he was too removed from the world after all the time...

Last week I got this sudden fanfic inspiration (it's cringe, but I struggle to be creative for years, so my 7 pages are a huge cheery win!) and so I reread the story... and it's so great, but I have some odd feelings about some parts..

I think it is mostly about him being a warrior.

So. The first notion that felt off was in the issues from his coming to earth to the fight of Phobos + Cedric, when I suddenly felt like what is his almost never leaving resting bitchface? There are some really nice mentor moments, but most of the time he seems strangely annoyed without specific reason. Now in the previous arcs, he was not very popular, for he was indeed a terrible pr*ck, intentionally in arc 3, possibly intentionally in the previous ones ( but i don't know that, his behaviour always seemed to be somehow explained or something, even if the reader didnt have to buy it..) but what i did like was his serenity and at times his appearance of a lightness of heart that calmed everyone.. (that is, in moments when he wasn't a pr*ck) suddenly here Himerish is a dynamic warrior, always angry fighting etc etc - like he was serene and wise only because he was an oracle and it was his function, and not that he was chosen to be an oracle, because he was such in his nature in the first place, which i would like much better.

But! In the flashback with Endarno, that is, to my mind, exactly what Endarno implies! H. is a fighter in a war here and E. saves his life saying he senses a great power in H. and that he should act on it - then in the following flashbacks it's like H. went and became a cool martial arts master... and it just feels sort of... why...

(note: i presume that the flashbacks went in this order, bc E. calls Himerish "young asha (tribe name)")

my problem may be that I am not as much into warrior trope, as Im into powerful spiritual being trope... and also im probably too much of a hippie

But the first flashback actually looks like there would be more beyond! Endarno literally goes against his own commander, as H. is from the enemy tribe and is a captive to be executed. And it is said that E. already had doubts, even though he was a great warrior, bc his boss was very cruel, but it is meeting Himerish that gives him the final motivation to stand against the meaningless bloodshed! Implying that H. has definitely a hippie vibe... and H. also gives this impression, bc he's so serene and passive when they aim to kill him (although that may be some basiliadian feature dunno..) but.. then he goes to be just a better fighter.. like don't they have any other kind of spiritual power in Basiliade than becoming a cool warrior??

I mean, I liked Orube-Luba flashbacks very much, where Luba was the wise warrior mentor and it was cool. But we don't get anything like that with Himerish, right? He's just shown to have been really cool at fighting. Yarr is just really crazy about him as his former master, as if he was truly a different kind of being, but there is no word then about him being also a spiritual mentor.. maybe it is just not shown, but then - why not?

when i saw the first flashback, i sort of thought it would have been better, if H. was actually a hippie in his heart - maybe even against the custom of Basiliade. He said E. helped him a lot - so couldn't it be that this young guy who fights like everyone else does, then realizes he could just stop doing that and work out his inner spirit and power that has the nature of peace and connection, instead of fighting? I really really doubt that the Kandrakar council would have gone like - this guy is cool with sword, let's make him oracle. He must have had some other power before and I'm kind of sorry that they didn't work with it somehow... I'm also not so much into his warrior attire hehe

Now to go a full circle, I associate this type of wisdom actually with his nice and light-hearted mode and not so much with angry fighter mode.. he was angry before when something bad happened to Kandrakar, but that was different, then when he couldnt admit his mistakes, that was foreshadowing of his downfall, but his fighting mode was just so strange to me.. what's with the sword, do some magic and restore the peace of Kandrakar after your return, bc the peace and stability and light powers are your nature and not just your politcal function..

then again i admit that while i didn't like much what they did to his character in the following arcs, i could understand his departure.. so the described reason seemed like all his change was to nothing, for he again just didnt listen to anyone despite his former promises, but i could see another reason in line with arc 4, and that is actually his change, he became too human (or whatever species he is) and maybe it was even difficult for him to return to the position - bc this is literally shown at the end of arc 4 when he's contemplating before being reinstated.. and i like that.. cause im kinda very much into spiritual beings becoming human tropes.. or like generally emotionally repressed people rediscovering life..

Well, I get that some people really like warrior trope, so no hate, fandom is a free space yeah! Anyway, these were my thoughts, Im impressed you scrolled this deep, thank you! Tell me your thoughts on this pls Im happy to find more people to discuss witch to an unhealthy level! As a bonus, my two favourite memes/fanarts about H.'s earthly clothes:

(source: https://tuherrus.tumblr.com/post/189587505767/oookay-heres-a-witch-art-dump-im-gonna)

(source: https://www.deviantart.com/rukietta89/art/Shopping-with-Orube-97101177)

EDIT: ok i posted this like half an hour ago, but i got a sudden feeling that i was not entirely fair, so i want to say that i also feel that his conective and calming spirit shows up in those really nice mentor moments towards the guardians, although that doesn't go really against my original interpretation/headcanon - he was a confused young boy with a talent, now he's a mature, more steady guy with a talent, regaining understanding of life in 4th arc, which, ideally, would make him even more sensitive and calming, and that would be cool

[moonpool-system]

i want to vent a little. If it's ok. Im a person with tulpa. Who was in tulpamancy-community for almost ten years, passively looking and reading many blogs. And it's bizzare for me how people see headmates/alters in DID/OSDD same as their source??? Like...

I just were in a community and did read, spoke with so many people with tulpas who are always so different from source! There was hosts with same character as a tulpa, and oh gosh how they were different and how much they did change (esp when you read blog pists like. Ten years old)! The only similarity always was name and looks (tho even these both changed for many).

And it's just so bizzare for me how many systems experience weird attention to certain fictives, because... Some people really do think they're same and related to source that much?..

Idk. In russian speaking community i don't really see trend of people expecting tulpas to be like sources, the opposite is the norm. Tulpas! The "i want to spoil and hug this character so i will create them from scratch".

Even there it's wide known fact that they're aren't their source. Heck, they sometimes even change identity to be completely sepatate from source, and even don't want to use tulpa labels. (the "i was there long before you forced and knew about tulpamancy" happens often.) And how wide-spread this experience is among OSDD and DID systems makes me kinda... Uh, feel weird? Like, im a crazy? Im i treating them as source and don't notice? Is there people who can't comprehend it, so many, and i never saw them? Uh... It's so confusing. Thank you for reading.

Hey, so this is Akira, Persona 5. I'm a source LOVING fictive, for me whenever people ask me about source things it's ridiculously affirming to my identity and who I am. I'm a traumagenic alter in a (P-)DID system, but I'm also a representation of our spiritual past life, so I'm also alterhuman in that way. I'm here to say, basically, every fictive is different. The tulpamancy community is very specifically focused on giving your tulpa agency and making sure they're not conforming to your expectations of them, and since they're being created over time with a base instead of appearing here (almost) all at once in one way or another, it only makes sense you'll find source separated tulpas all over the place. Our tulpa Badeline is the same, she's still herself but she's very different from source now. But if you look into the soulbonding community, you'll find it to be much more focused on fictives' sources and oftentimes how to handle living as a soulbond and grapple with your memories.

I've only been using spiritual sources as an example, but regardless of your origin, how connected you feel to your sourceself or source memories you are is your choice. I mean, otherkin and other alterhumans aren't hurting anyone by being connected to their source, so why should there be an assumption that it hurts us? It depends on the fictive. Our three golden rules are this: treat them like a person, don't ask questions that'd be invasive if it happened to the body, and go by their individual judgement for what's ok.

[kodachromantic]

wrote some braindump abt the hawthorne timeline last night cause when you think about it there are a lot of questions and ideas to put in. idek what happened but all of a sudden dahlia became a very interesting character to me (iris too but dahlia is just kinda surprising)

huge mega spoilers for aa3, also large and likely boring so uhh read more

thinking abt dahlia and how weird things are in the beginning of her timeline before things actually start happening and im trying to think of how to fill the gaps. what age were they taken away by their father? isn't it crazy how the family relation is kinda sorta glossed over for all of this?? mia and dahlia are COUSINS, BRO, FUCKING COUSINS AND PEARL IS HER SISTER LIKE!!!!! BITCH!!!!! there's a 4yr age gap between d/i and mia. were misty and morgan somewhat estranged maybe?? we know morgan lived in fey manor, but was that just bc she was maya's caretaker or would she have lived there regardless? did she leave once the master title was given to misty and then moved back in later? mia could be young enough with some leeway for them to have been taken when they were toddlers and have no memories (if they lived in different houses or something).

dahlia thought morgan abandoned them bc they had little/no power but that brings up a question of when can you tell of one's spiritual power? i feel like it makes sense to just say, you can't tell that young, thats just the reasoning dahlia came up with or maybe what her father told her. age here depends on how many memories you want them to have of kurain & morgan, if any--maybe 2-4 y/o so mia would be 8 at most.

how long did iris live with dahlia and their dad? how old were they when their father remarried? i'd kinda put this at around 8-10 years old just as a feeling. how long was iris around until she was taken away? did bikini know her origin? did she speak to morgan? oh god imagine bikini alerting morgan and morgan is either pregnant with pearl or just had her and rejects iris coming back in a cruel twist of fate (i think im using that right? lol) bc although morgan didn't abandon them bc of their lack of spiritual power, she now doesn't want iris back because of it

okay 14 years old now, post fake kidnapping. wiki says valerie found dahlia and took care of her. so dahlia was considered legally dead bc terry was arrested for her murder. i think i forgot valerie forged all the melissa foster documents and just assumed dahlia did those herself or even just didn't have documents?? i mean it says "unable to get her original papers" so i didnt think of valerie making any new ones. and then post/during fawles trial, she's just given her info back? i mean edgeworth knew who she was. nothing really happened?? it was just, yep that stuff was weird but here's ur id back. do u think her dad thought she was dead, did he believe in the story or knew it was fake? do u think he gave a shit??? does dahlia live with valerie afterwards? she was 18 at the time of the fake kidnapping, so 18-22 years old taking care of her (valerie died at 23, dahlia would be 18 when valerie turns 22)? or did she go back home to her dad like "whoopsies" and her dad just does not care i dont even know what happened to the diamond after. i guess the two were able to pawn it and get the money that way rather than from the dad and that's how valerie looked after dahlia?? either they lived together or valerie set up dahlia with a living space and sent her money or she just lived independently with valerie checking in. it feels vaguely like ema like "who took care of this child and where did they live"

the idea of valerie taking care of dahlia and somewhat being that parental figure for her but it's too late for dahlia for that sort of kindness to change her path. she was also probably too close in age so dahlia would be like "whatever bitch" as you can tell dahlia & iris have become very interesting characters to me over the past few days lmfao

wait thinking on it maybe dahlia did know they were cousins. she knew morgan was her mom, she saw the last name fey and mia's magatama, thats not hard to put together

------

thats the end of what i wrote lol, i've been trying to write a comic idea out for the past couple days in the evenings abt dahlia and iris and i kept getting into roadblocks, first just the idea of writing and how daunting/hard it is, but then later the timeline and how it'd work and if my ideas for it even fit. so i had an idea for them to talk about their father briefly but then remembered dahlia jumped off the damn bridge & melissa foster and it got me down a rabbit hole. so now i'm either going to rethink that section or just plow through like fuck it and maybe change my idea for the timeline at a later date. who knows if it'll even be made w the pace im going lmfao!!!

i do like that bikini/morgan interaction tho i think i'll try and make that. if anyone reads this at all first of all hi teehee second of all if you want to do that idea literally feel free i wouldnt be upset in the slightest. lil egotistical of me to assume someone would want to tho LOL

[sanchoyo]

Hello there friend...I'm silly tired and it's the middle of the night so this might not be coherent but I saw ur tags on that religion vs non post. Just wanted to say I know where ur coming from. I'm sorry that happened to u, that was a terribly presumptuous and unhelpful thing for them to do. I went thru something similar when my cat died, just to a lesser extent. I was told, in a well meaning comforting way, that she wouldn't suffer anymore, and my bitter grief stricken response was "she doesn't EXIST anymore. She's gone forever" bc I don't believe in the afterlife either.

OHHH sending u love for this <33 I was half awake and mad abt it but honestly its been like 2 months and im Fine with it now. (well maybe not FINE. still angry but it doesn't feel RAW anymore, like I can talk about it now) what's kind of funny is, I normally do like to talk about religion and the subject of an afterlife! it's something me and my sister have talked about a lot (not entirely sure what label she'd use now, but she used to be really into witchy stuff, so spiritual/religious topics would be fun to discuss between us, I am still spiritual in...weird ways...) it's just. there's a time and a place!! when he is dying and I am grieving is NOT the time or place!!!

It's so annoying when people around here assume I MUST be some flavor of christian because we're in the bible belt. like it doesn't even occur to them that I might not be. I have had people talk to me at previous jobs about how much jesus loves me and how he'll make things go well for me, and during those times I just kind of smiled and nodded along (I have to assume they want to tell me, specifically, these things because they see the Blue Hair and Pronouns vibes and feel...compelled...?? which like. lol???) like my mom took me being gay super well, much better than me telling her I wasn't a christian!! she CRIED over that!! and that didn't bother me so much because it's about me, right? and I don't care what happens to me after I die. it comes up a lot, where I am. people are fanatic about it, so I'm used to it.

but when it was about my precious dog, that really got me...the way those vets handled it was the only time I've been actively so annoyed and upset by it. the fact his pawprint came embedded in a little booklet thing that had a whole long ramble about how he's so happy and waiting for me to arrive REALLY upset me.

I totally get how 'she won't suffer anymore' could have set off the same thing, ugh, my heart goes out to you for that. funnily enough that was the only little phrase that DID bring me comfort. because my boy was suffering a lot his last few weeks, and not existing...put a stop to that pain. but it also put a stop to everything good, right? which sucks. like obviously I would have preferred him being ALIVE and not suffering, but that wasn't possible, so...that felt better than 'you'll see him again in heaven/he'll get to see jesus/rainbow road' stuff, in a way, for me. I just..knew it was his time and it would have been irresponsible and selfish for me to let him go slow and painfully.

it's just like...different things help different people. maybe the idea that dogs go to heaven helped the vets, as many animals as they likely put down, it makes it easier for them, I assume. and I'm glad if they had something like that to comfort them. I'm kind of jealous of it, honestly. I honestly want to give them a bit of grace for it, they were otherwise very kind and handled things well...

But they weren't the ones losing a best friend so they shouldn't have said it out loud. They can comfort themselves with that in their minds and keep things non-religious with clients. a very bitter and still-angry part of me wants to write the owner of that place a letter chewing them out for it. I won't but-- the idea of it makes me feel a little better lol. mentally being a karen and having a big dramatic fit in my brain only is very cathartic.

(I'm also open to the idea of reincarnation in some way, and I DO hope I can meet him again, somehow...it's just really really hard for me to imagine a christian 'heaven' scenario, lmao) I've been lucky enough to see him again in my dreams though, (those do still make me cry when I wake up and realize it wasn't real aaa ;_; ) and i'm lucky to have a lot of pictures and videos of him, as long as I'm alive he'll be alive in a sense, in my memories, and that's a lot of comfort. I can still speak fondly of him and see him in those ways, even if I'll never be able to really be with him again, never hold him again or play with him again. and I got 15 years with him, which I try to be grateful for. I tried my best to give him the best life I could. And I'll always have so many fond memories and so much love for him, and I'm sure the same goes for your kitty. <3

silly boy in his silly little hut ☝

[boyheros]

do u have any specific ideas on how the membrane like..knows to clone? is it instinct or was it told?

YES I have quite a bit of an idea actually. It's a bit of both, i'd say! (thank you so much for asking me oc lore questions btwwwww <3)

Base black is a really weird and unique substance. In living things it acts as the sortof semicorporeal "spirit glue" that attaches your incorporeal soul to your corporeal body. It's ability to attach to ever-changing matter like that is why it's used in manufacturing/cloning. Now, as a human, your memories are stored in some kinda physical way in your brain. Your soul will also carry a sortof 'spiritual' memory of yourself (a la ghosts or something) AND, your base black has it's own kind of memory. hard to describe but I guess but it's like. a spiritual memory of being physical. It remembers EVERY version of yourself you have ever been. THIS form of memory is critical for cloning.

By feeding the membrane a live sample from a human (blood) it will attach to that living thing and try to "remember" what (and who!) it is/was. This is kinda the instinct part. Base black likes to be attached to things that are alive, or else it will decay. it WILL attach to that sample. so you can kinda "tell" it to clone by using that "instinct"... additionally base black has a certain "saturation" i guess? a human body has however much base black it needs for it's size. so when you submit a little blood sample to a full-size membrane, it wants moooooore it needs more Stuff. so, utilizing the process of it 'remembering' being the person the sample is from, you can kinda manipulate it to grow into something. (the machine i had designed before (Delphi model) has a larger than standard base black membrane size because it was made for making human faxes, which would often be full sized adults. machines made Just for cloning have much smaller membranes, since clones are made as babies)

base black manufacturing for non-living stuff works similarly, but you have to try and make the membrane remember being in the form of something that wasn't alive. you kinda have to train it? this means you can't use cloning machines for anything but cloning (unless you retrain it heavily), as they want to be made of people, and vice versa. they remember being in that form over n over...

But this leads me to something I've been wanting to talk about for a while: "unsolicited ejections" (called UEs). to make a new clone you need to purge the base black membrane of previous physical contaminants (reset it to nothing, essentially), but you don't need to completely purge the feeder reservoir. this is because once the membrane accepts the sample, becomes part of that thing, it'll want to be that thing even if you supply it with stuff that may have some other DNA contaminant. (this is actually why getting possessed can be soooo dangerous. it'll Change You. but that's a whole other long textpost). now. this means sometimes even though you don't "tell" the membrane to make a clone, it may still try sooo hard. even if it has no sample, it just remembers Making. UEs almost never result in actual living clones...more so just contaminated meat mess. BUT. they can! this is actually why there's so many Maverick clones. the Delphi-4 Human Facsimile Machine has been contaminated with "Maverick" for decades. and no one can figure out how to fix it. Foster is a UE. Maverick (Delphine) is one, kinda. isn't it amazing that even with cloning you can have accident children...

but also im unsure if i've ever mentioned: this cloning process does not work every time. it actually fails most of the time! making something with the right shape and DNA isn't too hard, but the getting it alive (conscious, human) part is tricky (this is why UEs don't tend to result in proper clones). cloning something usually involves soliciting the machine to try over and over and over and over until you get something conscious. but because this cloning process involves moving physical matter into the right shape as opposed to growing it in a wholly natural manner, you can basically recycle the old stuff until it becomes alive stuff lol.

[mousemilf]

half baked rambling time. i feel like the element people mean by "soul" wrt art when they call ai art "soulless" is like. the minuscule amount of content that comes from the inevitable small decisions taking place in any handmade image. that is to say that like, in an otherwise contentless piece you can glean a tiny amount of meaning from decisions the artist made about markmaking. a similarly contentless ai-generated image obviously lacks this element just due to the nature of its creation. but i feel like this element is not nearly as important in actually good art that contains other, more substantial content, and the problem is probably that the majority of people are used to seeing extremely contentless "art" where that element of decision making is the only meaningful thing taking place in a piece that says nothing besides "look at this cool/pretty image."

i think this ties back to the weird way we treat certain forms of "art" as innately more sacred than other human activities and the way we view "artists" as like spiritual mediums possessed by an ineffable spirit of creativity or whatever but like. a decorated room or a playlist can sometimes communicate a much more coherent aesthetic sensibility or direct meaning than a bad painting. and by bad i do not mean like technically lacking but contentless i know im saying that word a lot but idk what else to call it.

anyway i think a lot of the whole thing about ai "art" traces back to people viewing too many really bad "art" images and being unable to recognize that the only interesting thing going on with them is markmaking choices and the technical skill of the artist. im saying this as someone who went to art school and copies reference images as my day job. there is nothing particularly special about creating images and a lot of what we're talking about when we say "art" is barely anything beyond that. unfortunately.

[kebriones]

hi! i saw your tag about not using "hellenismos" to denote modern hellenic pagan practice. could you elaborate why? google is not very helpful im afraid, and i saw a lot of non-Greek people use the terminology very loosely. id appreciate your explanation if you care to give one, and sorry for your time if you dont want to explain :)

have a good day either way!

Hi!

Okay so, I need to start by saying that I'm not like....super serious about this, personally, because I think people can use whatever words they want, I just know it bothers a lot of greek people, it's slightly jarring to see, and it's just in my opinion not the best term to use. I know it's wide spread, I don't have any delusions that it can change at this point, but it's still a little pet peeve of mine.

The main thing is that hellenismos/hellenism as a greek word is used by greeks to describe the whole of our culture, or, on occasion, both the culture and the people. So seeing it used to describe hellenic paganism/polytheism is kinda off putting, if only because it means something else to us, and i know many greeks who don't like the use of it as describing spiritual/religious practices, and many who don't know about these things but i guarantee they will still find it weird. And it's in my opinion an unnecessary term, when hellenic polytheism/ paganism exist and work much better.

That's the main argument i have.

Now some other stuff:

Hellenism was used by emperor julian in the 300s CE to describe the old greek/pagan religion and even that, it's more of an assumption from the context/choice of translation if my understanding of the source material is right, which might not be because I'm not an expert in any way in these things. If it was actually referring to the religion, we must still understand that before that, we don't have any similar use of the term, nor was it widespread somehow afterwards. It's very recently that it started being used to describe hellenic polytheism, well after it had started being used by greeks to define themselves, if my understanding is correct and I'm not missing historical info.

Now take this with a grain of salt but

I have seen people mention the term being promoted/ used by the YSEE (you might find them mentioned as the council) which is absolutely not an organization i think you should support or listen to in any way. I'm not going to go into detail for that, and I don't know to what extent they have contributed to the spreading of hellenism used as a term for their religion but I have seen them use it a lot. If i manage to find more info on that i will update the post, but i had to mention it because i really, strongly recommend that everyone stays very far away from them.

Hope that helped somehow. Basically the word means something else for us greeks and it's kinda weird to see it used as the name for hellenic polytheism and truly unnecessary.

[httpiastri]

okay this is a really long ask again bc i cannot shut up so it’s spirituality first then a lot on paul and pee at the end

but NO WAY YOU LIKED NICKELODEON TOO OMG THAT USED TO ALSO BE MY ROUTINE AFTER SCJOOL like id get home and do everything i needed to do just so i could watch victorious, the thundermans, and more and it’s crazy that you have so many experiences surrounding nickelodeon omgomg AND THE FACT THAT YOU DREAMT OF IT?? ive always had dreams that foreshadowed many many events in my life, especially significant events, sometimes months or years before they would happen but sometimes it happens to me with silly little things too and i believe that it happened to you too omg

things like that have happened to me for as long as i can remember so i’m always asking if it’s intuition or me manifesting it and like… could be both tbh

although my intuition has always been crazy strong and i’ve never ignored it even once and it has paid off really well but then again, manifestation is basically just the belief that your thoughts create your reality, simple as that. if you believe it to be true, then it’s true, so sometimes i wonder if my intuition is just a reflection of what i believe to be true, and that in turn is what ends up manifesting? if that makes sense.

and you saying, “it's such a weird coincidence that's not rlly a coincidence....” ?? I AGREE?? 100% because you go about life with people and youre like omg we both did this in this year? and we were in the same place during this time? and we know so many people mutually? and we just dismiss it all as a coincidence until youre like… wait bc how many coincidences until it’s not a coincidence, yk? i feel like the way you put it is like the perfect way of describing everything

(and if paul does end up winning the feature race then… 🤭🤭) but speaking of paul… i find it so odd that the same thing happened in both F3 and F2?? with the win being snatched away at the last moment 🤧🤧 like the worst part is i can’t even be mad about paul not getting his win, like i’m def gutted for him but franco also won it fair and square (i don’t think he passed the track limits, from what i saw anyway) and so it just sucks that things like this happen but im also!! so incredibly proud of franco because i understand what it must mean for him to be the first Argentinean F2 race winner like he’s literally made history within those few seconds but i have no doubt paul’s going to be driving with incredible intensity tomorrow (this is unrelated but at the start of the season idk why i used to be a little afraid of how harsh (…?) he’d become in terms of his driving style… like sometimes i’d feel like it was almost a little dangerous, especially when there were a few conflicts with kimi and i used to be worried that paul might’ve been taking out some anger onto kimi and it used to worry me a bit but i think……. it’s better now? i really really hope so because conflict scares me so bad and especially since no one knows if kimi and paul are still friends, and even they aren’t, you can’t really blame paul because kimi really got two major things that mattered to paul but also idk i think i’m rambling atp but i hope that even if he drives madly tomorrow, it isn’t at the cost of the safety of any of the drivers on track, including him)

but i was actually heartbroken over pepe though 😕😕 i can’t imagine being in his position, probably hoping to get a fresh start after the break and doing so well in between only for this to happen… and like with the way they replayed the incident in the race it looked like he was in the wrong but i rewatched it and it seemed mutual?? so idk why he was the only one who received a penalty for it but like ive also been in positions where i just became a little out of sync with things i usually excel at, and idk how to word it properly but i have a feeling he’s probably experiencing it rn which sucks 😓😓 i hate that feeling so much because you just feel so icky and everything seems so disjointed and im just wishing the best for him tbh, especially since i think it’s pretty clear that he holds himself up to really high standards, and even when he’s in a position someone else might be more than happy with, he’s just not satisfied with it…?

i NEED for pepe to be happy again with race results for once like it’s really all ive been asking for recently

- 🪷

paul and pee, my loves 🥰 sjdkfhdj sorry i had to

but omfg you saying that about nickelodeon, that's so crazy !!!! dreams are such a cool thing, i used to dream like every night but now it's rarely ever.... wish i had more clear examples of stuff ive dreamed about happening irl because i have a very strong feeling that it has happened at least a couple of times? but i can't come up with a single example rn?? 😭

that's also really cool!! and yes i think it makes sense, it's a very interesting thought. i always feel like my intuition is strong when it's about like little silly things, like "how many stones are under this cup", but im thinking like... what if i do trust my intuition way more than i remember, maybe i just haven't acknowledged it or really recognized that that's what im doing? im definitely gonna be more open-minded when it comes to my intuition and kinda try to see what happens 🤭

YES YES exactly!! how many coincidences until it's not a coincidence????????? because when i talk to people about stuff like this, most of them are just "yeah weird coincidence lol" but when does it become something bigger? it's v v v interesting, i personally don't think there have to be a lot of them to actually maybe be something more...

also kinda off topic but also not?? i dont want this to become a religious thing because idk how you feel about that, but i used to be kinda christian when i was younger just because i refused to believe that i just "happened" to land on this planet at this time as a human being. like you're telling me that the universe has been a thing for billions and billions of years, and that it's infinitely large, and i just happen to be a living human here right now?????? there's just no way. like rn idk if i would say that im religious but i believe that there's a reason that im here right now. i believe that there's something or someone (or whatever) kinda making up the world or guiding things, or something, and that's why i don't really see a lot of things as coincidences? like a lot of the time i say "it's a sign 😁" when there are "coincidences" and people think im joking but im usually at least a bit serious on the inside lol. idk if you get what im saying? if any part of this was okay to understand?? but yeah basically people around me have always looked at me weirdly for believing in spiritual stuff etc, so ive tried to hide and repress it but you're waking up all of these emotions in me and i just 😭

i think i jinxed paul win by talking too much about it... the times when ive been right haven't rlly been intentional so i think i shouldn't have shared this with everyone 😭 welp... but yes that's very odd!! and just like franco having his maiden f3 win in the imola sprint two years ago? and now maiden f2 win in the sprint?? 😦 and for example baku is an interesting circuit, ollie taking his maiden f2 win there in the sprint and then winning the feature too, and what happened at the same track two years earlier?? juri vips took his maiden f2 win in a sprint and then won the feature aswell..... an estonian driver in a hitech, will we see the same this year in baku?????????? (or do we have to wait until next year bcs so far it's been every other year? 😭)

yeah im super happy for franco too, i also think it was just a great move 🤭 but omg i totally see what you mean about paul and his driving style.... ive been so worried that he's gonna crash into kimi and just 😭 like yk what he wrote in his insta channel thing? about "i would've won the race if antonelli didn't do his wonder kid thing and ruin my race" after melbourne 😭 he's so so cocky istg (ALSO OMG did you see the clip from the press conference yesterday abt beating most of the big names in the championship??? 😶) but i still love him loads. but yeah i too feel more safe with him on the track, maybe especially since he has turned out to be doing better than i (and probs him too) expected and now he doesn't wanna ruin this lol. but yeah he must have such a complicated relationship with kimi, they used to be cute friends but it's very understandable to feel conflicted when kimi got everything paul should've had 😭

we were heartbroken yesterday already, but today... after this race...... i didn't even focus on all of the replays tbh because i was watching an hour late and in the car, but :(( even if it was his fault, that's not fair 💔 sdjfhdkfj. but yes gosh i agree with everything you're saying, he's so calm and cool off the track but so competitive and like a sore loser (this isn't exactly what i mean but english doesn't have a word for the swedish term im thinking of) in a good way? not in the way that he blames other people incessantly when he loses, but more that he hates it and blames himself and needs to do it better the next time. so this weekend.... 🥲 but yes yes i relate to that feeling too.... it feels so common in sports to do really well one week and the next you're like "?? what's going on????" :(((( and y e s you're so right about him holding himself up to really high standards 🥲 so painful to see

but uh yeah he will do well in monaco, i trust it!! it will happen!!!!!!!

[bigmack2go]

Continuing my parents guides

As allways: if you are a parent, DO NOT use these. Im begging you save your child the embarrassment. This is only for educational purposes and so you know what we are talking about when we use these.

That being said imma teach u the months to you now. Dont u dare interupt me i know u know the months. But u dont. So stfu. (Haha did u do ur homework? Do u know what stfu means?)

Okay lets go

So January is new starts and shit thats not something that only we do

February is honestly nothing special. Maybe we make fun of it being short like we do woth our friends but even that isnt very common

Now march, march is where the fun begins. March is when caesar was murdered. We usually have a bunch of phineas and ferb memes. Its also womens month.

In april spiritual people, religious people etc often do what imma simplify to you as „recharge“. Theres also a whole lot of complaints about the weather so theres that.

I honestly dont think may has anything special but i have adhd so i might be forgetting smt major rn lmao

June. Listen, we love june. June is the month of the ✨guh-guh-guh-gaAYS✨. (June is pridemonth)

And in july we complain that companies only use pride month for promo.

August. Im gonna be honest im not really objective on this bc its my birthday in august so thats sortof the only thing august stand for to me lmao. Its summer tho, i can say that

Ooo the embers… this is gona be great

September usually gets roasted for being bisexual(?) in september the most people get cancelled (2024 is an exception prolly)

Oktober is the month of creativity. Its not actually lmao i just said that. Because in October we usually make a bunch of art challanges (or other challanges for each day. And then we put „tober“ at the end and tadaa. Inktober! Costober! Fotober! And all that. That originally began bc well obv october is helloween month right? Right. So they did this thing called spooktober. Which can be each of those, it just has to be scary yk? And because America is weird and they do halloween wrong (/hj) they just don’t always use the spook and instead make whatever tober. (This whole explanation was a joke. Pls dont cancel me) and then theres hell week

Now hold your horses and settle your seatbelts for november cuz dis gon be a hell of a ride. It’s honestly actually not that much. Its just one thing but you’re gonne be a little disturbed after it. So november is NNN which is short for No Nut November. Boys chllange themselves to not masturbate or do anything sexual for that whole month. I have no idea where that came from so dont kick me. Its not my fault. Anyway youre gonna see a whole lot of people setting their profile pictures to eggs. Now ik i said its only one thing but see- it is one thing. The eggs are related to that. A whole egg means they still havent „lost“ nnn. A broken egg signals people in comentsections to pay respect to their fallen brother/the fallen soldier (youre gonna find some of both brother and soldier) also when i said we love the tembers its because some people make variations of this in september oktober and December too. Idek

December is basically just Christmas.

ByyEEE

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw: csa, incest, emotional abuse, self harm, medical issues.

looking for advice.

tl;dr, i think my mother sexually abused me, but im confused and uncertain what to call it, and wondering how i could bring it up to my therapist. also, for anatomical context, im a 20yo nonbinary person who was assigned female at birth & my mother is a cisgender woman.

hi. i don’t really know how to start this so im sorry but im just gonna launch right in. basically, my mother did some things to me as a child that made me extremely uncomfortable, and which have definitely caused some trauma. this all occurred from since i was very young up until i was about 13. she watched me shower naked even when i was expressing discomfort to the point of tears, had me shower with her when i was too old and uncomfortable about it, often touched my genitals and put (non-medical) creams on and in them for "health reasons", would penetrate my vagina with her fingers during those sessions, and was naked around me all the time. when my dad would be away on trips, she would make me sleep in her bed with her while she was naked and make me hug her, and would ask me to sleep naked/with less clothes on too, but i always refused this. again, i told her how uncomfortable it made but it didn’t matter to her.

these experiences affected me pretty negatively - i have nightmares about being raped or a friend being raped, or about trying to escape a rapist. sometimes ive gotten so terrified of being assaulted, i would do illogical stuff like hanging crystals over my bed for "protection" (despite usually not believing in spiritual things - everyone’s beliefs are valid of course, but personally it’s not something i believe in) or block my door with shoes (which ultimately could be pushed out of the way so it wasn’t that effective, but again it was based more on fear than logic). i get really scared and shaky when someone touches me. i get flashback sensations where it feels like im being touched in private areas. i don’t even like to think about sex, though im not sure if that’s because of trauma or if im maybe just asexual.

the issue is, i don’t know if any of that counts as actual sexual abuse because i don’t know if she got any sexual pleasure out of it. yes, it affected me, and yes, shes a bad person in many other ways - but that doesn’t mean that she was intentionally sexually assaulting me.

she has emotionally abused me pretty severely throughout my entire life. most of it is just the usual stuff - calling me names, slurs, and swear words, telling me im worthless or a waste, threatening me, saying no one wants me and no one will ever believe me, etc. but there’s a few things that stand out in relation to her possible csa of me.

1) she definitely uses "health reasons" and medical stuff as an excuse for emotional abuse, so it would make sense for her to use it as an excuse for csa. for example, some of her emotional abuse involved taking me to a doctor and making me get a blood test because i was "behaving badly" and she decided that there must be something medically wrong with me for me to behave this way, so i had to get blood drawn to run tests. the tests came back perfectly fine. 2) she used to seemingly get some sort of pleasure out of watching me self harm. i used to hit and punch myself to the point of bruising, often using a piece of wood to make it worse, and she would just watch and laugh. she’d make comments about how i was crazy and how everyone would eventually find out that i was insane. in a weird way, those comments kind of encouraged me to hurt myself worse… i guess since she was so flippant about it, or because they made me hate myself more. anyway, i don’t know what she got out of all that, but it made her smile and laugh to see me hurt, so maybe she really does get some kind of strange pleasure out of messing with me, im not sure. 3) she often used me as a bit of a personal therapist, even when i was 6 or possibly younger, so it’s possible that she would just use me as a replacement for her husband when he wasn’t home. i’ve always felt like im no more than a belonging to her, an object that serves a purpose but should never have feelings of its own. she’s told me many times that she wanted a child so she would have someone to "talk at", and she’s admitted that she would get mad at me as an outlet for grief when her own mother died. if she used me for sexual/romantic reasons, it wouldn’t totally be out of character.

on the other hand, im sure it could be explained in a more innocent way. maybe she did touch me for health reasons. and she probably just didn’t care about my discomfort/fear/etc related to the showering and nakedness. it’s more likely that she simply didn’t care about my emotions, rather than her getting sexual pleasure from it. maybe it was just another part of her emotional abuse, except with weird physical contact and the violation of sexual boundaries, cause she really messed with me psychologically.

so is it still sexual abuse if the violation of boundaries and non-consensual touching of private areas wasn’t necessarily due to her being some kind of pedophile, but rather just not really caring or whatever? what even counts as sexual abuse/assault when it’s a woman doing it to another afab person? how can i explain it to my therapist when it’s all very complicated and unclear in my own head?

thank you for reading. hope you’re doing well.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through.

I don't think that a perpetrator must derive sexual gratification in order for it to be considered sexual abuse, because intent isn't more important than impact. Sometimes genitals need to be touched for medical reasons, but it sounds like it was used as an excuse here. Even if it were "accidental" which by the repeated nature of these situations it seems otherwise, what still transpired was SA. I think also what you mentioned about the additional emotional abuse strengthens the argument that she knew what she was doing. There's no explanation for watching you shower or showering with you at an older age where this wasn't necessary. There's no explanation for being made to sleep naked with her. There's no explanation for her ignoring you expressing your discomfort with all of this. It's ultimately up to you how to name your experiences, but you can call this SA, CSA, or incest if any feel fitting to you.

I'm glad to hear that you have a therapist you can talk to about this. However you feel comfortable explaining this to your therapist is okay. You don't have to have a concise narrative, it's okay to explain it in whatever way makes most sense to you, and your therapist can explore certain parts more in order to get a more comprehensive understanding.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun